#i make sure i’m completely clean because i dont want a panic attack because of the can’t get dirty disorder but like even apart from that i

[ociels]

i think not liking it if people sit on ur bed is a perfectly reasonable boundary to have

[sallyf4ce]

wolves

chapter II

-> sally face x f!reader

-> enemies? to lovers

-> previous | next

cw: drugs, cigarettes, abuse, panic attack

*does not follow original plot of sally face*

summary: larry knocks (y/n) off her feet, literally. later, him and sal come to apologize, bearing a gift of homemade lasagna. sal and (y/n) bond over their similar bodies. his eyes look familiar.

The sound of your skateboard and the wind brushing past your ears practically deafened you, which allowed you to think in peace. Maybe you’d survive in Nockfell.

Maybe it wasnt as bad as you made it. You’d grow close to the old apartment, push through school, leave your mother as quickly as possible, and start fresh somewhere across the world. The only thing that you wouldn’t get close to is the forest surrounding Addison. It loomed over you, day and night, dewy pines poking out at you like a warning sign. Maybe mom moved here just so she could torture you with the forest. Remind you of what happened.

Loud footsteps joined the wheels of your skateboard. You looked back, and on your trail were those two kids from the apartment. The tall one’s face was almost right in yours. You let out a small yelp as your skateboard hit a rock and sent you tumbling to the ground, completely destroying your knees in the process.

“Shit!” larry yelled out in surprise as he dodged the skateboard that went right between his legs.

You quickly reached out to your head, trying to calm the searing pain pulsing through it. What the fuck just happened?

“What the fuck?” you groan. The blue haired boy, sal, grabbed your skateboard and came up close to you. pulling down his sleeves, he quickly grabbed your knees and covered them, soaking up the gushing blood.

“Larry!” sal turned around to face him. You winced as the fabric of his sweater clung to your knees. Your hands grabbed his to pull them off but you froze. They were soft and cold, almost like snow. How would it feel to hold them longer? Would you warm them up? or would they freeze you?

What the fuck?

You snapped out of your trance and moved them off your knees. You scowl at larry and pick your skateboard back up.

“Nice job, asshat.”

His face flushes at the insult and he moves back. Sally stands up and offers you his hand, but you dont need his help (obviously a lie, your entire body was aching like a scale 8 earthquake). You shove yourself up and wipe your burning palms on your jeans. With your feet back on the skateboard (it took a few tries to get up because your knees kept buckling), you flip them off and begin skating back to addison. You just wanted a nice fucking stroll alone, why were these fucks literally everywhere you went?

It’s around 12:45 now. You came home, took a bath, bandaged up your knees and took some tylenol. Mom was already in her bedroom and there were some leftover beer bottles on the coffee table, so she probably wouldnt wake up anytime soon. you quickly trashed the bottles and decided for a quick nap on the couch, since your room was… occupied. your pyjamas, for now anyway, consisted of an oversized grey ac/dc shirt and some soft-ass spandex shorts.

“finally, a fucking break from this shit.” a content sigh escaped your lips as you threw yourself onto the cold couch.

a few knocks sounded at your door.

“(y/n)? it’s uh, it’s sal. and larry.”

“fuck.”

THEY’RE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCKKKK AGGHHH WHY CANT THEY LEAVE YOU ALONE THEY ALREADY BUSTED YOUR KNEES LIKE WHAT

“coming.” you mumbled angrily even though they couldn’t hear you.

the blinding fluorescent lights of the hallway hit you as you opened the door. along with them came the smell of freshly baked lasagna. your eyes widened for a second, before looking up at sal. he stared at you, taking in your appearance. your hair was ruffled, eyes blinking sleepily as they adjusted to the light. your shirt had ridden up and showed a bit of your stomach. he blushed as you pulled it down and glared at him, a slight tinge of red on your own cheeks.

“larry.” he nudged his friend. the brunette walked up in front of sal, holding a pan of lasagna.

“listen man, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to fuck up your knees n shit. jus’ got excited cause of your sanity falls shirt. can we, uh, can we come in?”

Slam.

larry quickly jumped back in surprise.

“i guess that means no.”

you yelled out a quick ‘wait!’ as you cleaned up your apartment and hid your mom’s weed and other things. god, for a grown woman, she didn’t know how to clean for shit.

opening the door back up, you waved them inside.

“god, you smoke a lot.” larry coughed a bit at the smell of your apartment, which earned him a shove.

“sorry! god, sal, so mean.” he mumbled.

“s’ my mom. i only smoke outside. uh, take a seat on the couch, i’ll warm up the lasagna.” you pulled it out of larry’s hands as they both took a seat on your makeshift bed.

sal shifted. “you sleep here?” he asked, confused. maybe your room was being used as storage.

“for now. there’s some weird ghost shit going on in my room. some fucking preppy ghost woman keeps squealing when i come in.”

ghosts? you believed in ghosts? maybe they’d be able to take you on their expeditions! sal perked up at the thought of you becoming friends.

“you believe in ghosts?”

“well, i saw one, so what else could it fucking be?” you chuckled as you shoveled the now warmed up lasagna onto three plates. sal noticed and his eyes widened.

“oh, no, i- i don’t want any-” he waves his hands.

“you’re having it, i don’t care.”

larry laughs as you shove it into their hands.

“feisty, aren’t ya?” he stabs some and shoves it into his mouth. you sigh and lean back into the couch.

“you guys go to the school here, right?”

larry nods. “yeah, there’s only one school in nockfell.”

“eww, larry face, don’t chew with food in your mouth.” sally laughs. in the corner of his eyes, he thinks he can see you smile.

“yeah, we go to nockfell high. i’m assuming you’re going there too.”

“mhm. starting monday. hurry up and eat, i’m not warming it up again.” you grumble. sal doesn’t move. “god, okay, i’ll look away. i have to go clean this thing anyway.” you wave your prosthetic’s fingers.

“oh, yeah, you also have a prosthetic!” his face shifts into a child-like curiosity. it’s a face that you’ve seen before, and it makes you giggle a bit every time. you place your hand on his lap. sal does a double take and his mask raises a bit.

“you wanna touch it, don’t you. go ahead.”

“damn, sal, you get all the ladies. leave some for me.” larry chimes in, hand on his forehead in mock sadness. he chuckles.

“you gonna touch it or what?”

“uh, yeah.” sal slowly lowers his hands onto it. he traces your fingers, flexing them every once in a while. he flips your palm and looks at the graffiti ‘s’ you drew on it.

“when was this?” he looks back up at you.

“grade 10, two years ago. got bored in class and accidentally took out my sharpie instead of a dry-erase marker. god, my mom was mad.” you chuckle at the memory. she didnt let you back in the house for two days. you had to camp out in the shed, where you stored your extra food so she wouldn’t steal it.

sal hummed. “what about this one?” it was a big ‘SF’. was it for his name? of course not, she didn’t know you back then, moron. still, it warmed him up a bit.

“not for you, that’s for sure.”

“damnnn, savage!” larry put his plate down. “mind if i get more?”

“larry, we brought it for (y/n).” sal scolded.

“nah, i don’t mind. knock yourself out.” you nodded, continuing your conversation with sal.

larry trotted towards the kitchen.

larry’s point of view:

sal and (y/n) seemed to be getting along quite well. good for him, really. we might be able to coax (y/n) into our friend group. i didn’t like her at first, but i think she’s just a little stand-offish. anyway, back to the lasagna. man, i wish mom would make it more often. she only makes it for guests. where is it? oh, there. (y/n)’s going to nockfell high, right? probably should tell her about travis.

your point of view:

sal was still tracing your arm, running his pale fingers over where the prosthetic connected to your skin. the doctors could have chopped your arm off completely, up to your elbow, but you wanted to salvage as much as you could, so it stops mid-forearm.

“do you take it off often?” sal hummed. it felt a little intimate, tracing your prosthetic. it was like soothing a part of your body that was already gone. what? what was he thinking?

“mmm, i take it off every night. if i leave it on, i could get rashes ‘n shit. rashes aren’t fun. ‘m assuming you take yours off every night too.” he nods.

“i don’t like taking it off during the day. phantom limb shit, you know? it hurts a lot.” you grumble.

“got the lasagna. since you’re going to nockfell, ‘should probably tell you about travis.” larry sits down. “he’s your typical stick-up-the-ass bully. doesn’t really like sally face ‘n our crew.”

“yeah. just ignore him and you should be fine.”

“we‘ll protect you.” larry swings an arm over your shoulder.

huh? you can protect yourself. does he think you can’t? is it because of your prosthetic?

“i can do it myself, you dimwit.” you push his arm off your shoulder.

“time for you to leave.”

“woah, dude, calm down-” larry’s eyes widen in panic. he didn’t mean to offend you.

“i’m sorry!”

“i’m not hurt, just need my sleep. it’s 1:30. go on now.”

sal sets down his cold, uneaten lasagna and larry takes a quick bite out of his.

“see ya!” he mumbled, words muffled by food. you click your teeth as he walks out of your apartment and towards the elevator.

“(y/n).”

you spin around to face sal. his hand lingers on your counter.

“your knees. how are they?”

you look at his eyes through his mask. they’re light blue. like the lake that you so dreaded. like the sky that morning. like your dad’s shirt. he blinks.

“uh, f-fine. they’re fine. they should heal in a few days. time for you to go.” you grab his shoulders and shove him through the door.

“see you tomorrow?” he stumbles.

“yeah.” the door shuts with a slam and you’re filled with an overwhelming sense of dread.

oh god, not this again. your vision blurs as you try to grasp onto your breath. you can hear the blood rushing in your ears. your heart thuds like it’s going to break through your rib cage. it feels like someone is strangling you, coaxing the last breath of air from your lungs. your nails scratch at your throat desperately, your salty tears only making the marks burn more. at least the cold metal of your prosthetic cools you down a bit.

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. you can’t wake anyone. you bite down on your lip to suppress the strangled cries leaving your mouth. god, not the lake, please. not the forest. not the huge, dirty, rabid wolf-looking creature behind your father. not his cries. please, just make it shut up. SHUT UP.

you wake up the next morning to your alarm ringing.

taglist: @purelydarling @ghostfacefricker6969 @deadpoetsandhoney

[zombieratt]

Alright so forewarning this is LONG as FUCK specifically because i came up with this idea in early high school and was just today POSESSEd By the Spirit Of Musical Theatre to put it to paper— er Tumblr.

So without further ado:

DEAR EVAN HANSEN BUT EVAN ISNT A TERRIBLE PERSON AND CONNOR LIVES.

the beginning is the same, canon diverges just after waving through a window.

*this ended up getting written is script format? i also just sorta ignore alana’s whole exsistance bc in this version of the play she’s unnecessary*

In the moments before he talks to Connor evan decides to omit Zoe from his letter, having resolved himself to move on from her. (instead of being a hella creep.)

Connor: “dear Evan Hansen,” what are you writing letters to yourself? *he laughs*

Evan: its, uh, its for my therapist. its just a stupid little assignment that she says is supposed to help me process my feelings or— uh or something

Connor: hm. here. * hands Evan the letter*

Connor: your cast. no one’s signed it.

Evan: uh no. no one has.

Connor: gotta sharpie?

Evan: huh?

Connor: gotta sharpie? im gonna sign it.

Evan: *handing the sharpie to Connor* w- whuh uh why?

Connor: *shrugs* feels right.

Evan: i wish i could do that

Connor: what?

Evan: UH, IMEAN—

Connor: no wait- dude.

Evan: i mean uh, i meant that i wish i could just be, y’know impulsive like that.

Connor: Why Cant you be?

Evan: i uh, my heads pretty messed up, and stuff like that just, makes it worse i guess.

Connor: well theres some thing we have in common— were both fucked up in the head.

*the bell rings*

Evan: oh shoot! i missed the bus—

Connor: i’ll give you a ride.

Evan: are you sure i mean i can walk its not far-

Connor: all the more reason, i probably have to pass it on my way home anyway, cmon.

——

they meet Zoe in the parking lot

Zoe: I have Late practice today

Connor: whatever, gotta passenger.

Zoe: who the fuck would be crazy enough to trust your ability to drive?

Evan *being Brave*: Me Apparently?

Zoe: Uh, Evan Right?

Evan: yeah, uh, yeah.

Zoe *holding her hand out to be shaken*: i’m Zoe, we’ve met though right?

Evan wipes his hand on his shirt and shakes it: yeah, uh, nice to formally meet you, Zoe.

Zoe: i’m off, don’t kill him stoner.

Connor: i wont Princess

Evan breathing heavy: that was,, an eventful ten minutes.

Connor: oh fuck— you cool? or—

Evan: Panic Attack.

Connor: Right, uh

Connor: can you get in the car?

Evan: yeah

*car nonsense*

Connor: Can i start driving or do you want me to wait

Evan: Distractions are good,, Can Uh, Can you Talk about Stuff?

Connor: What stuff!??

Evan: any Stuff!

Connor: Is Zoe okay??

Evan: Sure?!

Connor: Uhh we don’t get along as well as we used to?

we were really close as kids, shes a huge asshole now but *fully venting now*

i kind of miss it you know? having someone to talk to and care about— and i still care about her— but its scary and i always fuck it up! not to mention the fact that our parents hate me— make her see me as some alien and not just a fucked up kid who wants to talk and — (more ranting that i dont feel like writing, but its a whole monologue bro)

Evan: Connor

Connor snaps his mouf shut: yeah

Evan: thanks

Connor: oh that, uh actually helped?

Evan: yeah focusing on your voice and whats real and stuff— it makes a difference.

Neither of them noticed that Connor was just sort of Driving. they end up at the park where in canon Connor commits Sewer-slide.

Evan: i didn’t know there was a park here.

Connor: huh, oh, yeah i guess i just sorta auto piloted, i come here to think.

Evan: About stuff?

Connor: Yeah, Stuff.

*the convo lulls*

Connor: do you have a laptop?

Evan: no, i uh, i left it at home? why?

Connor: give me a second

Connor walks to the car and grabs his back pack out of the back seat

Evan watches Quizzically from the swing-set

Connor pulls out a Sketch Pad and Pen, flipping to a clean page.

Connor: So tell me how to write one of those letters of yours.

Evan: uh, well you start like any other letter- just addressing it to yourself

Connor writing: Dear Connor Murphy,

Evan: and uh, my first one was supposed to be about my ideal summer vacation? since i started in middle school- but you don’t have to—

Connor: thats perfect.

Connor starts to sing for forever,

eventually Evan joins in there is a minor gay moment where they’re holding hands face to face.

the song ends with Connor hugging Evan.

Evan: its- its pretty late.

Connor obviously crying: just— just a couple more minutes.

Evan lets go and grabs Connors sketch book of the ground, closing it and handing it off to him: then how about this, labor day weekend- we actually go.

Connor: what are you talking about?

Evan: being spontaneous?

Connor: o-okay.

and it cuts to black.

theres a small montage here, as the set changes to Connor and Evans bedrooms

sincerely, me is a lament in this context, Connor and Evan are duetting from their respective rooms, writing to themselves.

(the lyrics are completely different and i will not be writing them here because thats too much fucking effort.

but they’re duetting from their bedrooms about making a connection to another person, feeling seen, for the first time. what it felt like and how they really want to keep it up but are afraid of making a mistake and ruining it.

its got some themes of waving thru a window, and a little bit of for forever, but its still largely the same notes just in a different key.)

after wards, Zoe knocks on Connors door to tell him dinner is ready to find him peacefully asleep.

requiem is the same, Zoe sees Connor as Dead to Her instead of actually dead, so some of the wording changes, so and so about how a monster doesn’t deserve peaceful rest etcetera.

school day happens, Connor doesn’t die, but the hot goss is that everyone saw Connor and Evan go home together after school, jared makes a shitty homophobic joke to Evan and Evan kind of tells him off about it. they argue and it culminates in Evan saying “well god forbid I’m friends with someone who isn’t YOU!” or smth like tht and it hits jared right the fuck at home man.

Connor says from the side lines: damn that was pretty hard core dude.

Evan: you have, no idea how long i’ve wanted to do that.

Connor honest to god l a u g h s, theres a number of people who hear it and lose their shit, Zoe being one of them: i have a pretty good idea, wanna get some lunch?

Evan: yeah, sure.

this general routine continues until labor day weekend, when they plan to go on their little escape. theres a short scene of Connor leaving the house with his keys and a backpack.

Connors mom confronts Zoe about his oddly upbeat attitude and hows he’s seemed differently lately Zoe Shrugs but decides to investigate his room.

she finds the letters. the first one is for forever, the theme plays as she reads it frantically, and is signed “Sincerely me (connor murphy)” so she knows its him, i f i could tell her begins but its a real duet between Connor and Zoe and at the end she resolves to try harder to connect to him.

Evan sings disappear to Connor after breaking into a formerly public park, in this context its him confessing that he broke his arm attempting su!c!de. Connor records it, for personal reference.

jared hacks Connors phone and steals the video, posting it to yt, in an effort to ruin their friendship.

Evan and Connor get in a little fight about it, and in the meantime Evan is called to the school to give an assembly because hes a phenomenal speaker and Disappear got like 1000000 views over night.

Zoe and Connor bond a little bit in a short scene before the assembly

Zoe: wheres Evan what happened?

Connor: Kleinman Did!

Zoe: what?

Connor: Why Do you care?

Zoe: because! you look happy around him!

Connor: i, i do?

Zoe: yeah? he could tell the worst joke ever written and you’d crack up. i haven’t heard you laugh like that in years Connor, maybe ever.

Connor: oh.

Zoe: Come back inside?

Connor: y, Yeah.

they all perform You Will Be Found together.

end act 1.

(no more dialogue from here i got tired)

to break in a glove is Connor’s dad trying to reconnect with him, it goes mediocrely, but Connor feels like hes being seen by his dad for the first time in years. its said in metaphors, but this is Connors dads way of saying that if Connor is willing to put in the work, so is he. they hug at the end, things are looking up. some talk of therapy is sprinkiled in the dialogue as they walk of stage together.

Only Us is Evan and Connor saying that they saved each other. its loosely romantic, as its a love song, but they don’t out right say that they’re in love or anything, they don’t know if theyre ready for that. its a promise. the song ends with Connor finally apologizing for pushing Evan over at the beginning of the show.

good for you is sung by jared only, as a power ballad, about losing people you didn’t treasure. its his attempt at an apology, but it ultimately fails, since jared is unable to take responsibility for his own actions. this is where jared and Evan go their separate ways.

Evan’s mom comforts him, as he sings words fail, which is about specifically jared, and how their rocky friendship is ruined and Evan pegs himself as the cause, instead of parents or perfect girl he uses metaphors that apply to best friends— maybe more. and talks about how he didn’t try, he was happy so he ignored that jared was hurting, and how that was really shitty of him. but instead of it being a generally somber song the end is lighter, because Connor is there— waving through his front window.

Evans mom sings So Big/So Small as Evan steps out the front door to embrace Connor and they mime talking about jared, hug and take hands. the house moves off stage in preparation for the finale.

Connor and Evan open the finale saying each others names, and sing it together as the test of the cast (minus jared) joins in, Evans mom taking his hand and Zoe Taking Connors, Evans mom the Murphys and Zoe break off to the back where Evan and Connor finish the final “all i see is sky for forever” while looking into each others eyes, and finish the musical by embracing (maybe kissing if thats ur jam).

[bowtied-pasta]

I know you would have prefered anon, so I did it for you! 🤗

I went back and forth with @creepy-bi-day about this exact thing because I am a simp for this dude, so I will be partially using an idea that we talked about together.

Noah panics as he makes another god awful loop on the boardwalk from hell and is faced with the Observer standing there, about 20 feet away.

He waves and begins slowly walking toward him, an unnerving smile on his face as he begins to laugh.

Noah startles and starts to move backward, not taking his eyes off of the creep as he gets ready to bolt, until the being drops. Fainting and hitting the boardwalk as the world around them seems to waiver, like the heat you can see coming off of a surface in summer.

His head starts to hurt the longer he continues to stare at it, and he has to shut his eyes, his body feeling out of place and unwelcome as the world around him gave way.

Until it stopped, and he cracked open an eye to see that the world looked normal. He was out.

He laughed as he couldnt believe his eyes. Walking forward as he heads toward the parking lot where he’d hopefully still find his car, until he realizes that the Observer was still laying on the boardwalk infront of him.

He freezes, waiting for movement, and flinches as the being groans. Working to make his way up into a sitting position. Looking around at his surroundings and freezing once his eyes land on him.

“Uh..... Hi. Would you mind telling me who I am?” He says, and his head tilts a bit to the side, confusion apparent and eyes wide.

Noah fumbles. What the fuck do you mean you dont know who you are? Theres no way this could be.... theres no way he has one.

He laughs as he stumbles away from you, shaking his head in disbelief at the luck he had. The Observers soulmate, that bastards soulmate, right here in front of him. And they had no idea what was going on. How perfect could this be?

The person infront of him stood slowly, taking a cautious step toward him. “Are you okay?”

Noah recovers quickly, knowing he would miss his chance if he didnt pull himself together and do what he needed to do. “Ahaha.... yeah. Im good. Its just... weve both been waiting for this kind of thing to happen. Just didnt expect it now. Gave me a heart attack when... Kevin.... dropped like that. Thought I was gonna have to call 911 or something.”

The stranger infront of him seems to accept this as truth, good. He can get them to trust him faster if they were gullible. Better to keep them out of the loop. That way, he can find the location of a possibly depowered Observer, and take advantage of his vulnerable form.

This is, of course, assuming the Observers powers were bound to his chosen form. Its the best shot hes had all this time and he’d be damned if he didnt take it though.

“Alright... and you said his name is Kevin? Good to know. Well, we can head to mine so we can go back to our own bodies. Or, if thats inconvienient for you, we can just wait wherever this is-“

“No,” he cuts them off. Setting his horribly thought out plan into motion. “We can head to yours. Faster that way. He always had a horrible sense of time and direction.”

They give a small nod, taking the information easily, not having any reason not to trust the man infront of them. “Cool. We can head that way whenever. I’m... not really sure where we are, but I know my address. Of course. So I can just enter it in the gps and we can go off of that.”

“Sounds good. Just gotta stop by my place for a few things and we can go.” He says as he moves in the direction of his car once more, moving a bit faster than normal.

You sigh, the form of your soulmate an odd thing to experience first-hand. Nothing could have really prepaired you for what waking up in another persons body would entail, but you were just glad you would be able to get back to your own body soon. That is, if your soulmates friend, Noah, would hurry up and get out of his house.

You were shocked when he finally did, revealing he had cleaned himself up and was carrying a bag. Locking up his house and looking around multiple times before getting back in the car.

“Was getting worried for a second there, thought I would have to come get you.” You laugh a bit, trying to lighten his mood as he appeared to be anxious for one reason or another.

He was silent as he put his bag next to him on the floor of the drivers seat. An odd place to put it, and it was probably uncomfortable, but who were you to judge.

He pauses to look over at you, seeming to contemplate his answer before starting the car. “Uh.... yeah. Sorry for taking so long, just had to make sure everything was still okay. I actually havent been to my place for awhile. Family stuff.”

You take the information easily, nodding your head to his words as he starts to drive, following the gps commands to turn.

You wake up as the car comes to a complete stop, and being turned off. You gues you had fallen asleep during the drive over and now felt bad for Noah. You look out the windows at your neighborhood, a cloudy night making everything appear dark and ominous, but being familiar with the area you felt nothing but comfort with the view.

“Oh good, we made it to my place. Im sorry I fell aslee-“ you cut yourself off as you turn to look at Noah. Finding a gun pointed directly at your head.

“Get out of the car.”

You freeze as your hand slowly moves toward the handle of your door, unbuckling yourself with your other hand.

You stumble out of the car, mind still on autopilot as you watch Noah get out of the car, walking around it to grab you and position the gun closer to your head.

“Im sorry. Im sure youre a great person, but it has to happen this way.” He says as he forces you to walk toward your front door, waiting for you to unlock it and open it, taking a cautious step inside and closing the door behind him with his foot omce you both make it in.

He backs himself up to the door, grabbing you and keeping you secured to him with one arm while his other hand holds the gun to your head. “Come out you fucker! Its time!”

You wait in silence, tears streaming down your face as you begin processing just exactly what was going on. And you crying become audible as you see your soulmate walk around the corner in your body. Face blank with boredom, as if expecting this occurance and taking it in stride. Like he had planned for this.

“Well, Noah. What exactly do you plan to get out of this? You know I cant be killed.” You hear your voice say, your body taking a step closer and setting Noah off.

Noah whips the gun toward your soulmate, making you unfreeze and grab his arm. Moving it away from your soulmate, and causing Noah to misfire. The bullet going into your wall.

“NO!” And with that, he seems to disappear. His grasp on you having gone loose before he did, and he had seemingly been trying to keep solid contact with you.

“Well. That was interesting. Cant wait to play with him myself, but that will have to do for now.” You turn to look at your soulmate again, feeling odd to look at your own body like this, and feeling confusion and awe.

“I.... what was that? Where did he go? Why did he want you dead? Is your name even Kevin? Who are you really?” Questions just kept spilling out of your mouth, one after the other, until he got tired of it apparently.

He moves toward you, his hand grabbing yours as your faces are brought close together. His free hand under your chin, keeping eye contact with you as he does so. You never thought your eyes could be so pretty to look at, but then again, you had never seen them as a different person before.

“Close your eyes, little one, youre very likely to faint again.” As he says this, he closes the distance and seals your change back with a kiss.

[darlinvandijk]

It’ll be okay

Concept: request where “reader is struggling a lot with her mental health and cries a lot at night when she’s alone. Kinda based on his song “unsaid””. So trigger warning, this will involve anxiety, depression, and overall struggle with mental health. This is an extremely personal piece for me, if it’s personal to you too, just know I love you. Things get better. Sorry this took me so long, it was hard for me to write. i hope you enjoy

Another day passed, another blurry, and grey day. Today was just like the rest of my days lately, numb and pain filled. It might sound like an oxymoron, being able to feel pain while being numb, but trust me it’s possible. Everyday has been filled with emotionless conversations on my behalf, fake smiles and laughs, but no one seems to notice the endless amounts of suffering I’m going through alone. They haven’t even seemed to notice how this whole holiday break, I’ve been “busy” everyday they tried to meet up. I wish they would notice, because the lord knows I won’t ask for help. Maybe it’s better they don’t notice, I wouldn’t want to be a burden to my own friends.

Every day I wake up, feeling nothing but a heavy sense of dread weighing me down. My body just being dead weight that I carry around throughout the daily tasks that I can barely bring myself to do, majority of my day spent in and out of sleep. All I do is sleep, it’s the only way to avoid the real world, and even then I can’t always avoid it when my problems follow me into my dreams. I don’t even think I dream that much anymore, my brain not even being able to muster up the energy to do that. The little bit of energy I have is used up most nights by the sobs that silently shake my body, usually trying to be as quiet as possible to not alert my parents, or it’s used up by the more frequent than ever panic attacks. They use up more energy than I have, leaving me a shaky tear streaked mess, too terrified to even move after having one. Let’s just say these past two weeks we’ve been on break,have only lead to everything becoming worse, all I can do is stay in my room and let these words in my head tear me down. I’m broken.

I sit on the floor of my room, music softly filling the space as I lean against the wall, ignoring the tears that seem to never go away. I silently watch my phone, the endless stream of texts and group chats getting blown up, not being able to find it in me to respond to them. Not like they’d notice if I replied anyways, too enticed with the bottomless amount of party invites. I let out a choked sob, wishing I could feel the happiness they feel, envying the way they get to experience life. I don’t want to be envious and jealous of them, but when your brain is wired a certain way, making even the smallest things a struggle, it’s hard to not be a little green towards your friends. I feel all these emotions running through me, my tears just streaming down my face, yet I’ve never been more emotionally detached and numb.

I stare at my phone as it lights up with an incoming call, instantly tensing when I see the name that pops up across my screen, one of the many people I’ve distanced myself from again. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves and steady my uneven breathing, hoping I can hide my pain filled state. I lift the phone shakily to my ear, “Hey rueloff, what’s up” I cheerily spit out, feeling the fake emotions drip off my words. I hear him take in a breath on the other end, before letting out a light sigh, causing me to freeze at the underlying disappointment radiating off of him. The one person I never wanted to disappoint or bother. All I can seem to do is disappoint people.

“I’ve tried to give you space the last two weeks, but I’m done letting you ignore my calls and texts. What’s going on with you?-” Ruel questions instantly, leaving no room for argument. I sit there silently, completely unsure on how to get myself out of the mess I’ve made. I start trying to pathetically defend myself, only to be interrupted, “don’t give me that bullshit, you haven’t been busy. You always tell me that everything is fine, but you don’t have anywhere to hide now, and you know that.” He snaps out. I feel my eyes get watery at the frustration he feels, even though I know he’s not mad at me, he’s just frustrated that I’m not letting him in. He’s frustrated that I’m going down the same path again, the same path I’ve been down many times before.

“I’ve just been tired lately, not in the mood to socialize and stuff, that’s all..” I mumble, my words left hanging in the air as they pierce through the heavy silence. It’s quiet for a few more seconds, just enough time for my bottom lip to wobble, tears yet again filling my eyes to the brim. I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing my lips tight together, trying to cut off my emotions. I try to take in a quiet breath to even my breathing out, only for it to come in staggered, causing Ruel to instantly hold his breath. The silence was deafening.

“Why don’t you ever wanna talk about it? Can’t you see that I’m trying my hardest here, I’m trying to get through to you, but you always fucking find a way around it. Please just let me help.. please” he quietly lets out, the crack in his voice causing a sob to rack my body. Knowing I’m hurting those around me, when that’s the one thing I’m trying to avoid, is tearing me apart. I don’t want the people I love to be hurt, I’m not worthy enough for them to care that much anyways. I never wanted to hurt the people around me and I never wanted to disappoint them. I never wanted to end up like this.

I sit there silently, my phone laying on the ground next to me on speaker, listening to the sound of Ruels shaky breathing. I hear him take a deep breath, causing my quiet sobs to pause as I listen, knowing he’s about to say something. “I’m coming over. I can’t let this just hang over my head anymore.” He states, ending the call before I can even object to his plans. I sit there against my wall, numbly staring straight ahead, unable to even find the motivation to get up and try to tidy my room up. I mean fuck, I don’t even have the motivation or energy to get up and brush my hair. It’s not like there’s even a point in trying to look better and clean my room, he already knows the truth, he already knows it’d just be a facade to hide the actual state I’m in.

I get the energy to numbly shuffle across my room to change my clothes, I’ve been in them for about 4 days now, and the least I can do is make sure I’m in something clean. I slowly undress, not even realizing what I’m doing, my body just going on autopilot. I grab one of Ruels hoodies off a hanger, pulling it over my head, before shakily putting on a pair of shorts. My legs slightly wobble as I make my way to my bed to sit down, feeling weak from my lack of food lately. I’ve lightly snacked on a few things my mom has brought me over the past couple of days, but just couldn’t bring myself to fully eat anything. It wasn’t even that I didn’t want to eat, it’s just that I couldn’t bring myself to even move in order to do so. I haven’t showered. I’ve barely even brushed my teeth. I haven’t brushed my hair. I haven’t done anything. I don’t want to do anything. I can’t do anything.

I don’t even realize the time that has gone by until I hear footsteps leading up to my bedroom door, snapping my out of the thoughtless trance I was in. I’m sitting against my headboard, knees pulled into my chest, as my door is slowly pushed open. Ruel enters the room, his eyes wandering over everything, before they rest on me. He stands with his back against my now closed door, watching me with a observant gaze as he tries to read the situation. I silently stare back, not having the confidence to make the first move, especially when I’ve never been confident when it comes to talking about my mental health. Especially when it comes to talking about it with people close to me, it’s too intimate and leaves me vulnerable.

He slowly walks to the bed, slipping his shoes off, before climbing up and sitting next to me. We both stare at the wall straight ahead of us, shoulders pressed against each other. Surprisingly it’s not an awkward silence, but rather one filled with understanding, since he seems to know that this situation is a lot harder for me than I’ll ever admit. We sit in silence for who knows how long, our shoulders rising and falling together with our quiet breaths, my music softly playing in the background. As we sit there together, I feel my throat start to tighten up, the anxiety for what’s to come next finally reaching surface. I continue to look at the wall, feeling my bottom lip quiver, as tears start to fall down my face in a never ending river. A choked sob brutally makes its way out of my throat, disrupting the silence we had been sitting in, and shifting the air around us. Ruel continues to stare at the wall, but softly reaches his hand out to intertwine it with mine, putting as much reassurance into it as he can.

“Sweetheart, you need to let me in. I can’t help you if you don’t let me... what’s going on?” He whispers to me, pulling me into his chest. The tears continue to steadily stream down my face, my back pressed against his chest, and my hands clutching his arms that are wrapped around my chest. He holds me tight against him, his own eyes watering a little as he feels the sobs rip through my body, knowing there’s nothing he can really do to make this all go away. I feel my anxiety and anguish rise at his question, because I have no real answer for him. I don’t know why this is happening, I don’t know why I feel this way, and I don’t know how he can help me. All I know is that it hurts. It hurts so fucking much.

“I-I dont know. I don’t know why this is happening or why it keeps happening... I don’t want it to keep happening-“ I whimper out, hiccuping as I try to keep going. Ruel starts to slowly rock us side to side, having felt the way my body tensed up as I tried to explain my feelings. I turn my head to look at him, his eyes clearly showing distress as he takes in my shattered expression, which only break more as I keep going. “How is anyone s-supposed to help m-me when I can’t even h-hell myself. I-I want it to s-stop. I don’t want to feel like t-this anymore, it hurts. I-it never gets better. I-it just keeps hurting me... it hurts” I sob out, my cry for help clear as day. A few tears fall from Ruels eyes down his cheeks, his heart breaking as he realizes everything I’ve been going through alone, as he realizes just how much it’s truly breaking me.

“I promise you won’t feel like this forever, it feels like it right now, but it won’t always be like this. We’re gonna get you help, yeah? We’re gonna get you help, so that it stops hurting, and you’ll be able to see just how important you truly are.” He promises me, holding me as tight as he can against him. I want to believe him, I truly do, but I’ve felt like this for so long that I just don’t have hope anymore. Ruel notices my lack of reply, deciding to instantly start pleading with me, “No, you can’t give up on me. You promised me when we were little, that you would be by my side forever. You don’t break promises. We’re going to get you help and I’ll help you too. I won’t quit until that day you can fall asleep at night without crying or feeling alone, because you’re not alone. So many people care about you” He whimpers out. I grab his hand with both of mine, holding it as I clutch it to my chest, feeling all the pain I’ve been pushing away rise to the surface.

“If so many people care about me.. then why do I feel so alone. All I do is hurt everyone around me. You wouldn’t feel like this if it wasn’t for me..-“ I choke out, his hand instantly gripping both of mine as they stay clutched against me, neither of us taking notice to my playlist coming to an end. I hear him take in a breath, but cut him off before he can say anything, “I just want to feel normal. I don’t want to keep hurting and keep wondering what I could change about me to be better.. why can’t I just be good enough” I whisper. It almost echos in the now silent room, leaving a haunting feeling behind, my words holding a heavy meaning as they linger. I hear his shaky breathing and feel it against the back of my neck, his arm tightening around me.

“Don’t say that. You are good enough, you’re more than good enough. Without you I would have never experienced some of the best moments of my life, I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I’m not me without you. You’re the biggest blessing in my life.” He mutters into my ear, feeling my sobs start to subside, leaving me resting against him with his hand still gripped between mine. He presses a light kiss to the side of my head, not knowing how to fully express his feelings, especially when it comes to a topic this hard. “You’re not alone, you’ll never be alone, because you’ve got me for the rest of our lives. I promise.” He states, a tone if finality in his voice. I give him a shaky nod back, wanting more than anything to feel whole again, even if I don’t fully believe it right now.

“I just don’t want to hurt anymore.. that’s all I want.” I softly plead, hearing the desperation lacing my voice. Ruel completely pulls me into him, holding me as desperately as I’m holding him, both of us gripping for any sort of comfort. I turn to him and stare into his lightly red rimmed eyes, uttering anguish filled question, “can things ever truly get better?” I whimper out. He instantly places his hands against my cheeks, pressing his forehead against mine, giving me no option but to stare into his emerald eyes.

“Yes. Things can and will get better. All you need is a little help, because even the strongest people need help.” He confirms, watching the way my hesitant eyes regard him. I can feel his hands shaking as they keep their firm grip on my face, my own hands shaking as I hold onto his forearms. We stay in this position, foreheads against each other, and hands holding onto one another as he waits for me to reply. As he desperately pleads and prays in his head for me to pull myself out of this dread filled fog that covers my brain. It’s not that easy though.

“If things get better, why doesn’t it feel like it? Why doesn’t it feel like I’ll ever be okay again.” I barely manage to get out before my face is in the crook of his neck, and he’s holding me firmly in his arms. He presses soft kisses to the top of my head, wanting nothing more than to take away my pain, but knowing this is only the start of a long grueling process. The start of a process that’s going to have more ups and downs than anyone could possibly imagine.

“Because your brain isn’t ready to accept it yet, which is why I’m here. I’m going to be the encouraging and strong part of your brain to keep you going, until you can do it on your own. I’m going to fight for you to get better, until you can fight it on your own, with me on the side cheering you on. I’ll take you to whatever appointments and sessions you have to go to until you feel like you again.” He promises, my breath hitching with emotion as I truly take in how much he cares about me and is believes in me. Before I can reply to him, he starts talking again, “recovery isn’t an overnight process love, it’s fast for some people, but long for others. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be stressful, but I promise you’re going to do it. You’re the strongest girl I know and I love you.” He concludes. I nod against his neck, gripping onto him as he slowly slides us down my bed, stopping once we’re fully laying down with me resting on top of him.

“It’s hard for me to truly believe everything you’re saying right now, but I promise I’ll try my hardest. I want to get better, I want to get better for me, and for all of you-” I mumble back, feeling my eyes start to droop as the exhaustion from today’s events finally kicks in. He slowly starts combing through my hair with one of his hands, the other tracing patterns into my lower back, neither actions helping in my fight to stay awake. “Thank you for not giving up on me. I love you more than anything. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I just wish I could fly through this recovery thing, because it hurts Ruel. It hurts to keep feeling this way everyday” I sleepily mutter. He softly sighs out, knowing that I’ll be okay one day, but also knowing it’s going to take awhile till I get there.

“It’ll be okay. I promise.” He whispers, his words hanging in the air as we both drift off into a well deserved night of sleep, holding each other with nothing but love in our hearts.

Everyone deserves happiness and peace, everyone deserves to live a full life, and everyone deserves to see what the world truly has in store for them. One day I’ll believe I deserve it too.

[iatasbcl]

I just wanted to be sure to not make you uncomfortable! Can i request an oneshot with connor and his s.o self harming/having depression? If you dont want to so it it's fine with me either!! 🥀

Rain Clouds

Pairing: Connor RK800 x GN Reader

A/N: Thank you for asking beforehand! it’s been a hot minute since I wrote for my boy, also a quick reminder: requests are open!

I didn’t write the self-harming part because I’m not very comfortable with that. The portrayal of depression here is based on my personal experience since you did not specify a scenario. It does not represent everyone’s experiences.

Warnings: Depression, minor?? panic attack, overall it just has sensitive subjects,,, please don’t read if it makes you uncomfortable 

W.C: 1.8K

Connor wasn’t ever designed for this. He wasn’t created to show any empathy or sympathy, he wasn’t made to bring anyone comfort.

Yet here he was, in a dim room with a very, very distraught human. You, to be exact. You were sobbing, your hands covered your face as tears continued to wet your face. He didn’t expect this to happen when he chose to visit you after you didn’t show up at work for a few days.

He had known you for about half a year now. You were one of the few people at the precinct to welcome when he first joined as a machine. You only grew closer and closer after that, with you and Hank helping him realize he is deviant and guide through the mess that was humanity and emotions. He… liked being around you.

He was admittedly worried, you acted different prior to today. Your usual cheery self had gradually morphed into a quiet, distant one. You didn’t laugh at Gavin’s attempts to make you chuckle, you didn’t smile while greeting him, you didn’t even pet Sumo when Hank brought him to the precinct. You’d fall behind on work, barely eat and quick diagnoses showed that your stress level was constantly high.

Something was wrong, and he needed to make sure you were alright. He’d seen patterns similar to yours in Hank before and he didn’t want to even think about things escalating that far.

“I’m fine, you shouldn’t worry about me.”

Your words lacked sincerity as your neglected appearance contrasted them. The dark circles around your eyes got heavier, your hair looked as if it was left uncared for, you were severally dehydrated and probably hadn’t eaten a sufficient meal in a while. You didn’t like it when he questioned you on it.

“I said I’m fine, just been too lazy to cook anything.”

In retrospect, he should’ve given you the space you needed. He should’ve known persisting on the matter would only cause your stress to get worse. But he didn’t, he just wanted to help. He cared for you too much, he couldn’t handle it if something had happened to you.

“Stop analyzing me!”

Your burst was justified, but he truly did not know how to react to it.

“God, do you think that’s all that life is? You will just go around scan whatever you like and give back some diagnostic that nobody asked for? Are you just a fucking machine, Connor?”

You immediately froze after saying that, your breathing was heavy, and tears started to trickle down your face. Connor didn’t know what to say. Just a machine. He was acting like a machine. Your words stung but he pushed that aside.

“Fuck… I’m so sorry I didn’t – I didn’t –”

A sob interrupted your apology and you moved your hands to cover your face again. Your body slowly descended, and you sat on the floor. Connor could feel his own stress level increase as he stood upon your shaky form, not knowing what he is supposed to do. The storm overrunning his mind was kept at bay, though. Showing you that he too was afraid would not make things better.

Your breathing started quickening and getting heavier when you finally faced him. A quick scan showed that your heart was racing abnormally. Contemplations filled his mind, should he call an ambulance?

He moved closer to you but stopped when you immediately moved back, “Don’t, don’t come close.” You stammered in a trembling voice.

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. Uh - what do you need? What can I do?”

You shook your head,” I dunno, fuck-” your choked voice only got croaker as you tried to speak, “It’s okay… just, just focus on your breathing.” Connor was only doing what he felt might help you and getting your breathing to stabilize became his current objective.

“…trying,” you closed your eyes and Connor continued to stare at you as you struggled. “water, need water.”

He nodded and got up. With hurried footsteps, he went into your kitchen and brought you a glass of water. He came back to you and stood still for a second. Should he get closer? Should he help you drink it?

“Con. Help.” That was his cue. He kneeled next to you and held the glass to your lips. You drank it steadily, as much as you could. The glass was lowered, and he was ready to back off, to give you your space. But you reached out to him and held his hand. He could feel the pressure of it as you squeezed it tightly.

The pattern of your breathing started to follow a consistent pattern after that and as time went on your trembles began to decline but you still shuddered.

+

Carrying you to bed was an easy task. He’d done so as per your dizzy self’s request and helped you lay down and made sure you were adequately hydrated. 

He glanced over you and saw how drained you looked. The idea of you, the one he cared about so much, being so broken hurt him. He wanted to ask, to know how long you’d suffered in silence without him noticing a thing. He wanted to know how to help.

Now wasn’t the time, though.

“You shouldn’t waste your time here.” Your croaky voice snapped him out of his train of thoughts. “You can go Connor; I will be fine.”

“Can I stay? I want to be with you.” he pleaded.

Your vision once fixated on the wall now focused on him, hollowness seeped through your eyes, a sharp contrast to how they looked the first time he met you.

“Connor…”

“Please. Please, don’t push me away.”

You blinked and bit your dry lip. After thinking for a few minutes, you said, “Okay. Okay, you can stay.”

+

The following day he’d made you breakfast, or at least tried. The food looked nice since he’d followed an online tutorial, but he wasn’t sure about the taste.

You didn’t look happy nor sad about him cooking for you but barely ate half of what he made.

“Fucking hell.” You said under your breath, he didn’t know if it was because of what he made or because of how physically and mentally tired you look.

Last night wasn’t mentioned. He didn’t say anything, and you didn’t bring it up, so he thought you didn’t want to talk about it.

“Thanks.” You said suddenly after you finished eating, “For, for looking out for me, I mean.”

He nodded, “You don’t have to thank me. I only wanted to make sure you were okay, I’m sorry for pressuring you.”

He had done his research as you begrudgingly slept, understood that what happened to you was known as a panic attack. He’d delved deeper into it to understand what caused the shift in your personality, but he still was not a licensed therapist or the kind of android made for that purpose and thus he didn’t want to make assumptions.

You scoffed, “No, it was my fault. I… usually get snappy when this happens. I still shouldn’t have said what I said. I’m sorry. Just don’t scan me all the time, okay?” “Okay.”

He tilted his head after a while, “Is it okay if I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Has this happened before?”

You froze. “Does it matter?”

The way you spoke was rather deadpan, “Well, yes. But if you don’t wish to talk about it, it’s fine.”

“I’d like that. I don’t… I’m not ready to talk about it.”

Connor put his hand on yours and rubbed it, “It’s okay.”

+

Day by day he’d try to show you that he appreciated you. That he did not see you as a burden. That you mattered to him. It was hard, your self-doubt and lack of any sense of personal worth created a wall that he had to carefully try to breakdown. He did want to advise you to seek professional help, but you seemed defensive when he suggested it the first time.

You started showing up to work again after a while, you still did not show much passion for it and looked incredibly uncomfortable when someone would question you about it. So, he’d try his best to push people off your back, as awkward as it was. 

+

Rain was pouring outside. Connor could hear splashes and vehicles passing by every second. It was rather peaceful. Your head rested on his thigh as he hummed a tune he recalled hearing you sing a few months ago.

“Connor.”

“Hm?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

Your question made him pause, you sounded almost… empty. Devoid of any actual emotion like someone who was internally defeated.

“I kept denying it for so long. Kept telling myself that today was just a bad day, tomorrow will be better,” you let out an unsteady breath, “But it never did. Everything became so… joyless? I couldn’t enjoy things, couldn’t enjoy work, couldn’t enjoy any shows, couldn’t enjoy speaking to anyone.”

Connor slowly realized that you were opening up to him, so he listened thoroughly and stayed quiet.

“Things only got worse. I didn’t have it in me to do anything anymore. I didn’t keep up with work, didn’t clean my apartment, didn’t cook, didn’t eat, didn’t do anything. I felt gross.”

 You sniffled and lifted your head, “I didn’t want to bother anyone with it. Thought It would go away, that nobody deserved to be forced to help someone like me. didn’t want them to see me any differently.”

“I am just so fuckin’ tired, ya know? It’s like I am running in a circle. I’m tired of being so worthless. I’m tired, Con. I just want it to stop.”

You looked down at your lap while Connor started to comprehend what you were saying. His LED spun and circled until it settled on yellow. “This does not make me view you any differently. You are still the person who helped me when I deviated,”

He held your hand and you latched on to him, letting out soft whimpers as he rubbed your back. “I might not completely understand what you are going through, but I still care about you and I want to help.”

“But I am not the crucial help you need.” You stopped crying into his chest and looked up at him in confusion. “I know you think it might be useless but please consider attending therapy. I will tag along if it will make it more comfortable for you.”

You stayed quiet, this time actually considering what he offered. “what if they didn’t care?”

“Then we will look for the right person. Together.”

You bit your lower lip and hesitantly nodded, “You will be with me, Con?” your fingers intertwined, and he pressed his forehead against yours.

 “Yes. Every step of the way.”

[lefaystrent]

Has virgil ever had a break down infront of anyone in the nursing home au. Like freaked out becuse of police sirens outside of the building or on tv or a documetery of prision is played on the luchroom tv when he went to make" fucking mac and cheese™️" also im sad now cus all i think of is logan dying and then a when romans about to die he tells virgil "i know what my next adventure is. Im going to find Logan. Dont worry ill be fine" and thencloses his eyes to sleep but dosent wake up;-;.

First of all, hello sadness! Loganis the first to go yes, and you can bet your bottom dollar Roman would saysomething along those lines. (Or alternatively, the both of them discover thefountain of youth and never have to die. :D)

As for Virgil, he tries his very hardestnot to show his weaknesses, but sometimes…they just happen. The first time it happens in front of other people at the nursing home is written below the cut.

WARNINGS: in-depth descriptions of a panic attack, ptsd

Nursing Home AU Masterlist

It happens when Virgil is inRemus’s room cleaning up one of his messes.

Remus adamantly disagrees on theterminology of his ‘messes’.

“It’s art! You prudes wouldn’t haveany artistic sense if it bit you in the butthole!”

Virgil snorts, “You could have justleft it with ‘butt’.”

The old man grins, showing off asmile that’s missing half of its teeth. “But butthole sounds so much juicier.”

“I will pay you to never say thatagain.”

“This is payback for destroying mylife’s work.”

Virgil looks at him with a raisedbrow.

Then he looks pointedly back at thewall that features a giant penis drawn with smeared ketchup.

Virgil has no idea where Remussmuggled this much ketchup into his room.

Patton comes into the room. Heglances at the ‘artwork’ on the wall and doesn’t look the slightest bitsurprised. Someone must have spread the word to him.

Remus doesn’t look at all ashameddespite Patton’s disapproving expression.

“We’ve talk about this,” Pattonadmonishes.

“You talked, I ignored.”

“Remus. No…phallic imagerydisplayed in the building.”

“THIS IS HOMOPHOBIC!” Remusscreeches.

Virgil just shakes his head andcontinues wiping down the wall.

For the next couple of minutes helistens to the two of them talk behind him. Patton continues to try to reasonwith Remus, and Remus continues to be unreasonable. Same song and dance asevery day.

But then Remus yells something thatsticks with Virgil.

“This place is a prison!” hebemoans. “Give me back my freedom, George Washington!”

And it’s kinda funny and Remus’sstyle of random and dramatic, but …

This place is aprison.

Maybe. In some ways.

Like the small cell-like rooms.

Or not being allowed to leave for manyof those who lived here.

Seeing the same faces day in andday out.

Always having eyes on you, watchingeverything you do.

But for the most part?

You didn’t have to worry if yourcellmate would strangle you in your sleep.

Or keeping your head down in thecafeteria, because last time you made eye contact with someone they took it asa challenge.

Or choosing to forsake personalhygiene just so you wouldn’t leave yourself open to being cornered in theshowers.

The way they’d size you up quick aspredator or prey, and God help you if they thought of you as the latter.

As scared shitless as Virgil hadbeen, crying into his pillow almost every night because it was always so coldand the thin standard blanket did nothing to fight the chill…

Virgil had never in his life had toact so tough and mean. He learned to spit his words harshly enough to makeothers second guess their assumptions of an easy target. He hissed and bit anyhand that tried to touch him.

Virgil doesn’t realize at first,but he has stopped cleaning up Remus’s mess.

His hand lingers, rag pressedagainst the wall until it drags down and lays limply. 

He stares, and while the beigepaint brings warmth to the room, it somehow fades to the steel gray he had tosee day after day.

Distantly he hears voices behindhim, but they become a muted hum, like the echoes from down the row of cells.He can hear footsteps, the guards pacing up the corridor.

“Virgil?”

A hand on his shoulder.

It burns like acid.

Virgil’s entire body tenses up, alive wire ready to strike but his vision’s gone all tunnel-y and he can’t seewhere the enemy is.

“Virgil. Virgil, what’s wrong?”

“Don’t. Touch. Me,” Virgil pushesthe words out with all the effort it takes to move a car out of a muddy bank.

He’s just now catching on thatmaybe he’s having a panic attack, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. Ifanything, it just makes it worse and he struggles to decipher past frompresent. It all muddles together, and he can’t move, can’t turn his head, can’tstop staring at the gray—brown—gray wall.

“Don’t touch me,” Virgil saysagain, breath kicking into a concerning pace. “Don’t touch me, don’t touch me,don’t ever fucking touch me.”

All at once the hand is gone.

The burn of acid remains.

Patton is at a complete loss.

Virgil was fine just a minute ago.

But then he’d gotten quiet— which wasn’tunlike him, ya know? But he hadn’t responded to either of them when spoken todirectly, and that definitely was unlike him.

So Patton tried to get hisattention, thinking maybe he’d been lost in thought.

He’d never seen Virgil’s eyes sowide and terrified.

And his shoulders, they startedmoving up and down as his breathing shallowed out.

And his words—so aggressive thatPatton genuinely believed for a second that Virgil was one second away fromlashing out at him.

Patton keeps his hands to himselfafter that, but he lingers beside Virgil, reluctant to leave him likethis—whatever this is.

Is he angry at Patton? Upset withwhat they were talking about? Patton begs Virgil to tell him what’s going on,but it’s like Virgil can’t even hear him.

“Just keep talking to him,” Remussuggests.

“It’s not working though,” Pattonsays, voice dripping with worry. Virgil’s really starting to edge towardshyperventilating. An allergic reaction? But Virgil has never mentioned—and hehasn’t eaten anything recently—

“What’s going on here?” Dee asks,poking his head in.

Virgil can hear him at the doorway,kind of like in an out of body sort of way.

He’s never had a freak out this badaround them—had been so proud of himself for making it this long.

Now their eyes are on him, andVirgil feels their pinprick gazes stabbing into the back of his neck. The panicramps up another couple of notches.

Patton looks pleadingly at Dee.“He’s—he’s having some kind of attack. I don’t know what happened.”

“Oh shit,” Dee says eloquently.

For all that Dee oozes confidenceand spins pretty words, comforting an emotionally distressed rival is kinda outof his range of specialties. He stands there, slack-jawed and hesitating.

That won’t do at all.

“Just fucking talk to him,” Remussays bitingly and gets up from his bed.

He ambles over to Virgil and pullsa chair up close enough to him but far away enough to not startle him.

Virgil startles anyway.

“Whatever you’re seeing, kid, it’snot real,” Remus tells him. His eyes are bright and mad and clever. “They wantyou to think it’s real, and yeah okay, it was real at some point, wasn’t it? Butit’s not anymore. You’re not there. It’s over. You can come out now.”

It takes a minute, and Virgilshudders, and tears are streaming down his face.

But he’s listening.

Remus leans forward, elbows proppedon his knees. “You’re safe now. They already did the hurting. So tell them togo fuck themselves. They don’t get to touch you anymore.”

Virgil slows to a calm.

He feels numb.

Drained.

But the walls have stopped crushinghim and he can breathe again.

“Better?” Patton asks from theother side of him. He never left his side for a moment.

Virgil nods jerkily, unable to talkat the moment.

“Need anything? Water? Anything?”

Virgil takes too long to think,thoughts sluggish.

“Let’s go talk to Logan!” Remusblurts out.

He hops out of his chair andmotions for Virgil to stand. Noticeably, he doesn’t try touching Virgil. Heholds out his hand in offer if Virgil needs help standing up.

“His nerdy talk can bore you rightto sleep. Let’s go, Emo. Upsy-daisy.”

Virgil takes his hand and stands.

He hesitates, gesturing at the wallas if to say, “But I still need to clean it up.”

Remus waves his concern off. “Don’tworry about that. Dee will clean it up. Dee loves cleaning up mymesses.”

Dee gives him a dark look butdoesn’t say anything. He stands aside and lets the two of them leave the room,Remus guiding a quiet Virgil by the hand.

Patton remains, though he staresafter them. “I’m still not sure what happened. He was fine and then … Iguess something must have triggered it.”

Dee shrugs, rubbing his glovedhands together self-consciously. “Everyone has their own demons.”

And when Remus had seen Virgildescend into the madness of memory, like had recognized like.

 _______________________________________________________________

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[50-percent-winchester-sister]

Hidden Talents

Prompt: You hid something from them for quite a while, and they want to know what it is

Dean: 28

Sam: 24

Y/N: 17

feat. Castiel whos over 3.9 Billion Years Old

Word Count: 2,862

  Art isn't something you purposely hid from your brothers...well the only reason you 'hid' your drawings and paintings are because you didn't know how they'll react.

  You three are hunters, you kill things, normality isn't 'normal' to you guys. Sam kinda forced you to go to high school and is encouraging you to finish it, and now you're in 11th grade.

  You don't bring things home in a sort of 'fear' that they'll see it. So you keep it in the art room and you draw and paint every day before and after school, since you don't have any art classes during school, you're just in the art club

  "Y/N, come on we gotta go! Hurry up or we'll leave you here" Dean yells through the bunker, you, on the other hand, are running through the halls with your duffel bag in one hand and a notebook in another. You accidentally left your notebook on the couch and you're praying to Chuck Sam or Dean didn't look in it.

  "I'm coming hold on a sec!" You yell back. You throw your notebook on your bed and close your door. You're about to go down the stairs when you go down the first two steps and whoops, you fell all the way down to the bottom.

  Sadly enough you busted your nose on the floor and there's blood and comes in Sam, who runs towards you in a slight panic. "What happened? Are you okay? Where are you bleeding?"

  You smile a little and point at your nose, "fell down the stairs" you say while getting up. Sam helps you up, picks up your bag and throws it around his arm. "Ouch, your nose looks a little bruised, isn't broken though, go clean up and hurry, you know Dean doesn't like waiting."

  You thank him for him getting your bag and you run to the bathroom, you run past Dean and he stops you by holding onto your arm. "Hey, woah hold on there, what happened?" "Fell down the stairs, no big deal," you say as you lightly yank your arm back.

   He starts laughing at you and a few seconds later he adds, "Only you can do something like that" "Dean it's very common to fall down that stairs! I'm going to clean up, wait for me in the car."

  The blood was coming faster than you thought because you were starting to become light-headed and the pressure you are putting on your face to stop the blood is the painful kind of hurting. The lightest touch on your nose makes you flinch in pain.

  'Such a baby quit that' you thought. Leaning on the bathroom sink you almost yelled Sam or Dean's name but you knew he was in the car. Your phone was in your bag that Sam took so you couldn't do anything but hurry on to the impala and suck it up.

  Still bleeding, you run towards the impala when you suddenly got light-headed again and you leaned a hand on the car to keep steady when you look up and see Dean open the car door and say, "Hey hey hey no hands on my baby, get in."

  Rolling your eyes you open up the back door and go inside. Thirty minutes into the drive to Stillwater, Minnesota, and Sam is starting to realize you haven't talked in a while. He turns around asks "Babe, you okay? You look kinda pale in the face."

  Took you a couple of seconds to respond but you squeeze out a "What? Uhh yeah yeah I'm good," you say as you look absolutely stoned, a.k.a you look like you're about to pass out.

  "Dean, she looks like she's about to die, how about we take her back to the bunker." Sam says to Dean, looking a little worried." Dean, on the other hand, is confused. "What? Sam, she looks fine, we ain't leaving her." "Dean, I bet you Chuck's soul shes going to faint while on this hunt, turn around"

  You tried to disagree but Sam kept on telling you that you need to rest up and get better. Reluctantly you gave up fighting and when you three got into the bunker, Dean helped you unpack your things when he saw the notebook on your bed. "Whats that Y/N?" You look at what Dean is pointing at and subconsciously you pick it up and look through it. "Nothing, just something for school."

  You aren't completely lying, it is for the art club, but Dean wouldn't want to know that, right? Who gives a crap about 'your' drawings. "You sure? You look a little panicked there, Y/N"

  "Guilt trip, how fun. quit interrogating me and get outta here, Leave or the case will be closed before you even get there." Dean kisses your forehead before turning to leave your room. That is until he fastly turns back around and snatches your notebook out of your hands and runs out. "Wh-DEAN WHAT THE HELL!?"

  You start chasing Dean when you get in the living room, Dean throws the notebook towards Sam and yells "SAMMY GET IN THE CAR, RUN" "FUCK SAM, STOP." Great, now you're chasing an actual giant, by the time you get even one-inch closer, Sams already in the car and he locked all four doors. "Samuel William Winchester don't you even fucking think about looking in that and if you do I swear to everything that is holy I will make sure that the next hunters' funeral will be yours." You say in the darkest undertone ever, even Sam looked surprised. "I don't even know whats going on, but if Dean wants it then-"

  "I DONT CARE WHAT DEAN WANTS, ITS MINE" You yell and halfway though you see Dean walking towards your distance. You walk and stop in front of Dean and you pull out your pocket knife, point it at his throat and say "Dean I'm only going to say this once. Give me back my notebook, now."

  "You know, baby girl, you don't scare me one bit so," proceeding to snatch your knife too and points it at your throat, "If you feel like trying to cut my neck again after we get back, I'd be happy to help out," he says with a shit-eating grin. He puts 'your' knife in 'his' pocket and gets in the driver seat. "Oh, and don't worry Y/N, we won't lose this," He says hold up practically the only thing look forward to nowadays.

  "I fucking hate you two, you know," you whisper under your breath, luckily they were too far away and in the car to hear. They turn the corner and that when you bust a hard cry. You walk back into your room and practically scream into your pillow

'fan-fucking-tastic they're gonna see my drawings'

'Some of it are drawings of them, they'll think I'm creepy as hell, like a banshee'

'I KNOW they'll tell me to stop playing with 'crayons' and focus solely on hunting'

  At this point, you're having a full-on panic attack, hyperventilating and all and you can swear your heart stopped when you heard a few light taps at your door. "Y/N, its Castiel, can I come in?" 'Oh, its Cas' you think to yourself. "Yeah, come in, it's unlocked" you sniffled afterward. "Is everything okay Y/N? I heard you crying and I came to help you" "Its cool Cas, thanks but you can't help me, it's just the boys being... boys" you sigh in defeat.

  "What did they do?"

____________________________________________

  Sam and Dean are about 2 hours away from Stillwater, and being almost 11:30 pm, they decided to head to a motel, but before that, they decided what was inside the precious little notebook you always have your nose in on your spare time.

  "Sammy, check it out and I'll look at it when we head to the motel," Dean tells Sam while looking at the road. "Dude she's gonna be pissed, you saw the way she was acting before we left." "That's why he 'have' to look into it, what if there's something dangerous in there?" Dean asks Sam, and Sam looking into the notebook halfway through Dean's sentence.

  "Yeah? Dangerous as in drawings? Dude, I didn't even know she can draw, let alone draw beautifully. I mean look at this Dean, it's us," Sam tells and shows Dean. Dean stops at the motel parking lot and looks at the drawing. The drawing is of Sam and Dean just last year, a replica of a picture that you took of them in their FBI suits (without them knowing of course.)

  "Holy shit, that's good, and why doesn't she want us to see this? This is really, really good I mean Sam look, I'm hot." Dean comments.

  "Because Dean, Y/N thinks you two will make her stop drawing," Castiel says, popping up at the right time, what a coincidence. "Goddammit, Cas you scared the shit out of me, don't just pop up like that without telling us first," Dean says. Both Sam and Dean jumped a little when they heard Cas's voice.

  "She thinks we'll make her stop? Why does she think that?" Sam asks Castiel with a confused look in his face. "Because Sam, she also thinks that if you found out she doesn't mostly focus on hunting, you two will be mad at her. You two need to talk to her, I tried but she doesn't want to talk back." Dean talks to Sam and then to both of them. Castiel teleports away leaving a confused Dean and a worried Sam in the car.

  "Dean?" "Not a word about this until we get back to the bunker, you hear?" Dean tells Sam. The hunt took two days, it would have taken longer but it went faster than they thought it would be, and honestly, they think its because they wanted to see you so badly. You didn't pick up any of their calls and you left both Sam and Dean on read.

  

Thursday:

Sammy Pu: Y/N? 12:00 Am

Sammy Pu: Babe? 12:15 Am

Sammy Pu: Please don't do this babe, please respond back 12:36 Am

Friday:

Sammy Pu: I love you, Y/N, well see you as fast as we can okay? 7:18 Am

Sammy Pu: I really hope you don't hate us for taking the notebook of your drawings 8:22 Am

Samy Pu: They are really good by the way, beautiful really, I'm proud of you 10:45 Am

Saturday:

Sammy Pu: Good news babe, were coming home soon 2:09 Pm

Sam knows you're ignoring him and if Dean is trying to talk to you, you're ignoring him too. They honestly didn't know how much this would upset you, if they knew, Dean wouldn't be such an idiot and take it from you.

  This time, Sam got to drive since Dean got a sprained arm from the hunt and even Dean had to tell Sam to slow down a little bit because Sam was going 20 over the speed limit.

  A few hours later, they enter Kansas and they enter the bunker. You hear the bunker door open and you know that it's them. So you run downstairs and you stop and look at them. They see you with red eyes and messed up hair, looks like you've been up for days.

  You walk up to Dean and you give him a fresh, crisp, slap on the face and you slapped him as hard as you possibly can, and he even walked back a little. And with Sam, you smacked the back of his head so damn hard your hand hurt on impact.

  "We deserve that," They both said in unison. "Damn fucking right you do, now give it back," You say with a tired and unenergetic voice. "Will do, princess," Dean says while taking your notebook out of his bag and hands it over to you, and you practically snatch it out of his hand.

  "You look tired as hell, go to sleep for a while and come talk to us whenever you wake up, okay, Y/N?" Sam tells you, "...Whatever" you respond with, going back upstairs, throwing your notebook on your desk, and throwing yourself on your bed.

  ____________________________________________

  You walk downstairs and you walk and stop at the bunker to see them talking to Castiel, and its probably about the hunt they went to. You were so pissed at them, and you think you still are, but nonetheless, they wanted to talk to you so why the hell not.

  "Morning," You say with a rough, crappy voice. "Its 5:30" Sam says with a small laugh at the end.

  "So how long was I out?" You ask and you honestly don't give a crap who answers at this point.

  "About 48 hours more or less" Dean responds. "TWO DAYS? And none of you came and woke me up? Thanks" You says throwing your hands up in the air. "You needed the sleep, and we knew you would've woken up at some point so we knew you were okay," Dean says to you.

  Castiel left a few minutes later so it was just you and your brothers, Sam and Dean. "Y/N-" "No its okay, really" You quickly responded, "No it's not, we shouldn't have taken it from you, we're sorry," Sam says.

  "They are really good by the way, all of them. Which brings me to this question, why didn't we know you were so talented until now? And why did Cas come and tell us you think we don't want you to do this?" Dean asks. "Interrogating me again?" "No, just wanting to know is all" Sam adds.

  "Well-," You started off, "It's not a big deal anyway, I mean you two already seen them," you said to Sam and Dean.

   "They're not that good anyway, its just a thing I do at school-" "Wait, you do this at school?" Sam asks. "Well, I don't have art classes if that's what you mean" you respond with. "I'm just in the art club."

  "Since when?" Dean asks confusingly, no surprise, you never told them about anything. "Since the middle-ish of 9th grade," you said. "3 years?" They said in unison. "Yeah?" you said, is that a long time?

  "How did we not know this until now?" Dean says quietly, questioning himself. "This isn't even a big deal guys, its 'just' art, yall are acting like its the end of the world," You say sarcastically. "I mean come on, it's not like you guys kept secretes from me" You add on.

  "We are not acting like that-" Sam says, "You just never used to keep things from us, especially for this long." You have a face of surprise, you didn't expect that from him.

  "I'm 17 guys, I'm not as talkative as I used to be, girls gotta keep her secretes," You say and after you sigh in defeat. "We know, but you're our girl, our sister," Dean says, "We miss hanging out with you, Y/N."

  "I've always been here, I'm 17, but I'm not leaving any time soon, I don't think moving out is on my to-do list right now," You said with a small smile.

  "Good, and we don't want you to move out," Sam says with a smile. "And we would love to see more of your drawings if you're comfortable with that, Y/N," Dean says. "Y-you guys want to see more?" you ask with a shocked look. "Yeah if that's cool with you," Dean says. "So... you guys don't care if I keep on doing this?" You ask with a hint of worryness in your voice.

  "Of course we do, you're freaking amazing," Sam says, "Hell, you should do that as a freaking job, you can get gold from your art" 'Wait, what?' you thought, "What? N-no I'm not even that good honestly, they're just doodles I draw when I'm bored, trust me" You respond to Sam with. "That is not even remotely true, Y/N. Anyways this can be a good profession to branch out of-" Dean was saying before you cut him off. "No, I still want to hunt, and I still want to hunt with you guys, as I said, they're just doodles"

  A small sigh comes out of the both of them, most likely a sigh of annoyance or irritation. "If you really don't think you're that good, then keep on drawing until you get there," Dean says, and Sam adds on with "Keep on doing what you love to do, even if you don't think you're that good at it because the people that cant do what you can think you're exceedingly great at it. We do, we think you're damn amazing at it and we'd love to see more of your art."

  To say you're shocked is an understatement, you honestly didn't expect to hear any of that from Sam or Dean. The two who started and ended the apocalypse. The two who started and ended Amara, the Darkness. The two who practically raised you your whole life.

  "Guys..." You couldn't even finish your sentence because you were starting to bawl.

  "Thank you"

[captainillogical]

Devil’s Ballroom Ch.7

A year after the events from the earth’s final attack, Little Homeworld is finally complete, and there’s a new jazz bar where gems and humans mingle and drink. - As you’re typing back a reply, someone pulls the stool out next to you and takes a seat. You see a sliver of pink out of the corner of your eye as you try not to actually Look. Oh god. It’s her. God can’t help us now.

Spinel/Reader

collab with my lovely wife @firstofficertightpants​

ya’ll im sorry lmao

You spend the rest of your evening doing exactly none of the errands that you needed to deal with today. Instead, you're laying on your couch and texting your friends.

         Y/N: I'm so tornnnn.

     Y/N: Do I say something about the cheek smooch?

     Y/N: Should I leave it be?

     Y/N: Because she's texting like nothing happened.

     Y/N: What if I'm reading too much into it??

     Y/N: What if that's just how she shows friendship affection???

     Y/N: I might make it so fucking awkward if I assume something!

     Y/N: This entire ordeal is mortifying!!!

     Y/N: I want nothing more than to dig a big hole and lie in it forever.

     Y/N: I might be low-key having a panic attack about this rn but what's new.

     Harper: Y/N. chill. you're way overreacting to this.

     Harper: even if it meant nothing, she still likes you as a friend right?

     Harper: i think it would take a lot for her to like.. not wanna stay friends lol.

     Alex: im just saying you could probably kiss her and she'd be ok with it

     Alex: cheek kisses are pretty forward

     Harper: don't listen to him. all of his relationships ended in failure.

     Alex: wow

     Alex: im seriously hurt

     Harper: am I wrong?

     Alex: no..

     Harper: my point exactly.

     Harper: i’m not saying you have nothing to lose or anything.

     Harper: because i myself had to tread very carefully with leah..

     Harper: but i think you should just see where it goes and not like

     Harper: put too much emphasis on this incase it was nothing.

     Y/N: Yeah see now you have me worried it WAS nothing!!

     Alex: oh my goooooooddddddddddddddd

     Alex: the both of you approach women so.. pathetically

     Alex: take a risk

     Alex: live a little

     Alex: what is seriously the worst that could happen

     Alex: she kills you??

     Alex: lmao

     Alex: its funny cuz of.. you know

     Harper: i can’t wait to be home and smothering him with a pillow instead of affection.

     Y/N: You and me both.

     Y/N: Try being the only one available to play games with him.

     Alex: both of you fucking love me okay

     Alex: alsooooooo i get to be home the day after tomorrow

     Alex: the alex is back, babieeeeee

     Y/N: Harper please come home I’m BEGGING you.

     Harper: sorry you gotta deal with him alone for another month lmao.

     Y/N: Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

     Alex: can i get a fucking crumb of love here please

         You swipe over to the couple of messages Spinel has left you in the past couple of minutes while you were talking to your friends.

         Spinel: It’s another stupid ball, I just found out.

     Spinel: I told her that I’m sitting this one out this time.

     Spinel: She has so many others that would absolutely love to help her, and yet, still absolutely insists that I must be there.

     Spinel: I don’t want to go back to homeworld right now, and not for this.

     Y/N: And you put your foot down? Hell yeah, dude.

     Y/N: Planning a ball for a bunch of gems sounds like a chore anyway.

     Spinel: oh, it is, believe me.

     Spinel: And they need everything to be PERFECT.

     Spinel: Which isn’t realistic anymore now that they don’t expect any of the gems to stay in line with their gem class nowadays.

     Spinel: The last ball they threw almost 4 months ago was utterly chaotic.

     Y/N: For thousands of years y'all as a race never pushed to deviate from the norm, and now that you guys are allowed to? I’d go batshit with it too.

     Y/N: Being stifled in everyday life, and finally you’re free?

     Y/N: Fuck, I’d go around fusing with anyone!

     Spinel: That is precisely what too many of them did.

     Y/N: Lmao. I wish I could’ve seen that.

         You tab back over to your group chat for a moment to see what they’re talking about.

         Harper: see? they’re everywhere.

     Harper: i wasn’t expecting the campsite to have so many.

     Alex: you could have built an army and instead you took pictures

     Alex: do you know how easy it is to lure chipmunks?

     Alex: oh that lil guy on the bottom right is so fucking chunky i love him

     Harper: that’s the one that got the closest when i fed them. :3

     Alex: oh i fuckin BET

     Alex: you dont get that chubby in the wild without takin a few risks

     Alex: if u know what i mean ;)

     Harper: i hate whatever you just implied.

     Y/N: It’s not a conversation with Alex unless you roll your eyes at least 3 times.

     Alex: hey i thought it was 4 times

     Alex: dont insult me

     Alex: anyway, y/n

     Alex: are you workin the day i come back

     Y/N: Yeah I’m actually scheduled a double.

     Alex: scheduled

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: a double

     Y/N: Yes.

     Alex: he can’t SCHEDULE you a DOUBLE

     Y/N: He can if he asks me ahead of time as a favor.

     Alex: that fuckin bastard

     Alex: always ruining my plans

     Harper: you’re still mad at him for firing you last summer, huh.

     Alex: OF COURSE I AM

     Y/N: Bro you stole like $300 of cotton candy sugar that summer.

     Y/N: It’s only fair.

     Y/N: Besides, I’m only doing this because he said he’d give me a long weekend for it.

     Alex: kay well

     Alex: i guess i’ll just go bug you at work and wait for you to get off that day :'(

     Y/N: Get me written up again, I swear to god.

         Your phone chimes several times, and you swipe down to see messages from both Spinel and Steven. You check Spinel's first.

         Spinel: Do me a favor and ignore any messages Steven has sent you.

     Y/N: What are you, my boss?

     Spinel: I MEAN IT

         You quickly switch over to Steven's texts.

         Steven: I was going to ask you if your date with Spinel went okay, but I'm assuming it went fine considering she hasn't really stopped talking about you.

         Ohhhh my god, this is wild. You reply to him.

         Y/N: It wasn't a date as far as I know.

     Y/N: I had fun.

     Y/N: She's telling me to not read your messages, lmao.

     Y/N: Also what do you mean she hasn't stopped talking about me??

     Steven: She’s been lying on my floor for the last hour basically gushing about you.

     Steven: But you didn’t hear that from me!

     Steven: :D

     Y/N: Haha thanks, kid.

         You switch back over to text Spinel, and get up off the couch to make yourself some tea. Pulling out your kettle, you turn the stove on and grab some raspberry flavored abomination tea bag that your dad loves more than any of the other good tea flavors.

         Y/N: Sooooo.

     Spinel: You talked to him, didn’t you.

     Y/N: Hahaha noooo. :)

     Spinel: The fuck did he say?

     Y/N: Absolutely nothing.

     Spinel: Seriously? I was sure he’d reveal something embarrassing.

     Y/N: Nope! You should probably get off his floor eventually, though.

         Your kettle goes off and you grab a clean mug, and pour the boiling water into it along with the tea packet. You look down at your phone, and grin.

         Spinel: goddammit.

         You let the bag steep for a little bit, and add in a small amount of sugar. Walking up to your bedroom you take a snap of Jellybean half lounging, half falling off the stairs and send it to Spinel. She replies with a couple heart emojis, and you wonder if Steven was the one to show her the proper use of them. You set your cup of tea down on your desk, and turn your computer on. It’s evening now, and it’s much too late to do anything left with the rest of your day productivity-wise, so you settle in on playing more minecraft. Your thoughts wander quite a bit, and you find yourself stuck on thinking about Spinel. Naturally. You wonder about a lot of things she’s learned while staying on earth, from things like - does she pay rent? Does she have a job? Does she know what taxes are? Does she know what a relationship with a human looks like? She said she watched a movie, but didn’t exactly elaborate. You don’t know what human-norms she’s been exposed to. You can’t even concentrate enough to mine any of this redstone for Alex, and you nearly die in-game when the thought of ‘does she know what sex is?’ pops into your mind. You grab your phone and shoot Spinel another message.

         Y/N: Quick question.

     Y/N: If you don’t mind me asking.

         It takes her a few minutes to reply.

         Spinel: Sure?

     Y/N: Do you know how humans are made?

     Spinel: w

     Spinel: Yes?

     Spinel: Steven told me about it a few weeks ago actually.

     Spinel: Why are you asking?

     Y/N: No reason! Just curious is all.

     Spinel: Hm.

         Yeah you’re not too confident that she actually knows, and you’re too chickenshit to elaborate right now. You’ll enlighten her later. You spend the rest of the night browsing memes on your phone, and texting your friends and Spinel on occasion. Before you know it, your eyes drift close with your phone in hand.

     You wake up when your alarm goes off for your morning shift, and curse at yourself for not charging it last night. It’s at a solid 32%, which isn’t really enough to go about your day, but you’ll have to make do. You get ready for a hopefully not shitty day, lock up the house, and head in to work.

     It’s a complete shitshow when you come in, and you turn your phone off to save battery and concentrate on dealing with more than an average amount of tourists. You find Mr. Smiley sleeping in the breakroom/office/supply closet, and have half a mind to lock him in there from the outside for the rest of your shift. It’s pretty busy, and messy, and it isn’t until you’re there for several exhausting hours that you finally have enough time for a break. You turn your phone on, and instantly you’re flooded with messages from several different people. Ugh.

           A couple from your dad - just checking in, really. Group chat too as usual, but none of it seems overly important. One from Spinel, and several from Steven. You open up Spinel’s message first.

         Spinel: Do you think we could talk about a couple of things later?

         Vague, and a little concerning. You text back an apology for getting back to her so late, and open the messages from Steven.

         Steven: Hey are you busy?

     Steven: I’m dealing with a bit of a situation right now, and could use your help.

     Steven: Spinel locked herself in my bathroom, and she won’t come out.

     Steven: She refuses to answer to anyone, and several of us have tried.

     Steven: I’m just really worried about her, and you guys seemed to bond, so I was hoping..

     Steven: That maybe you could come over?

     Steven: Thanks regardless.

         You check the timestamp, and that was over an hour ago. Jesus christ.

         Y/N: Steven I’m so sorry, my phone was off and I’m at work, give me a few and I’ll be right over, okay?

     Y/N: I’ll be quick.

         He replies almost immediately with a “please” and you pocket your phone. You try not to worry too hard about Spinel as you rush over to grab your things, and knock on Mr. Smiley’s office/broom closet door. He opens it groggily, clearly just waking up.

     “Yeah?” he slowly blinks at you.

     “I gotta leave early. Emergency.” You stare at him, trying to not be pissed at his lack of work ethic.

     “Are you for real? You’ve got another 3 hours left.” He says and crosses his arms, and you glare at him.

     “I’ve been working my ass off while you’ve been sleeping this whole time, AND I’m covering your ass tomorrow so you can go meet your old friend! So the LEAST you can do is let me go early when I have an emergency!!!” You almost yell out at him, and he holds his hands up in defense.

     “Okay, okay! Fine. Only because you’re a good worker.” He says, and has the gall to look at least a little ashamed of himself.

     “Damn right I am.” You spin around and head out of the building, practically running.

     You almost trip and bite it several times on the way over to Steven’s place, but you’re more worried about Spinel. You’ve only been to his place twice, but once you’re there you run up the stairs and open the door without knocking. You’re greeted by the only two people in the living room, Pearl, and Steven.

         “Oh, she’s here!” Pearl says and nudges Steven, who looks up from typing on his phone.

     “Y/N! Thank god you’re here.” He says with furrowed eyebrows.

     “What happened?” You say and shut the door, and cross the room over to him.

     “I’m not sure! We were just working on something together for Amethyst, and she got a call from Blue and Yellow. She’s been ignoring them lately, and they’ve been bothering me in turn because of that, so I asked her to take the call just see what they want.” He runs his hand through his brown curls, and just for a moment, you see that 12 year old him in again. The obvious stress masks just how young he really is, and you feel bad that he can’t live life like a normal kid. “She went outside to take the call, and was out there for quite a while. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, but I did hear some yelling. And just when I was going over to make sure they were alright, she comes back in tears, eyes spiraling like months ago, and nearly knocks Pearl over rushing into the bathroom.”

     “And nothing since?” You inquire, fidgeting with your hands.

     “No,” He says, frustratedly. “I’ve been trying to reach the diamonds to see what this is all about, but I’ve only been getting the pearls. I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t been like this in months. What were they talking about to make her this upset?”

     “Maybe I can find out. You said she’s in your bathroom?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

     “Yeah, the one right over here.” He says and points to it.

     “Is it locked?” You ask.

     “No,” Pearl glances towards the bathroom door and crosses her arms. “The lock has been broken on it for a while, since Peridot joined us actually. Both Garnet and I tried opening it, but I think once Spinel hears someone trying to come in she blocks the door.”

     Hm.

     “I’m gonna try something, but you guys are gonna wanna stay away.” You say to the two of them. “I don’t want to overwhelm her with more than one person.”

     “Let us know if we can do anything?” Steven makes to pass by you and gives your arm a light squeeze. “And thanks for coming to help.”

     “Anytime, dude.” You give him a half smile, and walk over to his bathroom. You turn to take a look back at the other two, and they’re already in the kitchen discussing something in soft tones. You move to knock at the door, make two light taps against the frame, and wait for an answer.

     A couple seconds pass, and nothing. Not even any movement. Nervously, you knock again, a little louder this time, and wait for a good ten seconds.

     Still nothing.

     You take a deep breath, reach out to grab the door handle, and very slowly and quietly open the bathroom door. You see nothing but absolute darkness, and step in. You feel around the wall to your right and flip a switch just as you close the door behind you with an audible click. The room instantly floods with the dark red light of the heat lamp, and before you can even think about finding another light source, you find yourself slammed up against the wall and let out a surprised yelp. You open your eyes to see Spinel’s face inches from yours, pupils wild, her hands splayed against your shoulders.

     “U-um,” Your voice cracks a little. “Hey.”

     You watch her eyes take a second to find yours, and almost instantly, she lets you go, arms trembling.

     “W.. what are YOU DOING HERE!?” She cries, large tears pouring down her face, eyebrows raised in confusion, mouth trembling. Her hair is in loose pigtails, strands untamed around her face, cheeks stained with tear tracks. She looks like a mess, and your heart breaks, just a little. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt y-”

     “I’m fine.” You cut her off. “I should have said who it was outside the door, I’m sorry. And um.. Steven texted me while I was at work, and told me what was going on so I rushed over..” You trail off as you watch Spinel’s entire body shake, and she covers her face with both of her hands.

     “I can’t believe I just did that.” You hear her wavering voice, muffled behind her fists, and she lets out a choked sob. “Maybe they were right. M-maybe I’m not meant to-” She quickly moves her hands down to look at the floor with wide, vulnerable eyes, and struggles to form the rest of her words. You hear her breathing pick up pace, and you’re starting to realize she’s hyperventilating.

     “Spinel, look at me.” Her eyes shoot up to yours, lips trembling. “I need you to breathe.” You do what your friends have always done with you, and gently grab both of her hands and hold them with yours, thumbs stroking her palms in slow circles. She freezes up instantly, and you’re about to panic, because while a familiar touch helps ground you, you register that maybe it’ll make it worse for her. But before you can pull your hands away, her hands relax ever so slightly, and she lets out a shaky breath. “Good. Just like that.” You motion for her to follow your breathing inverals, and she copies you, hands still shaking in yours.

     It’s been a while since you’ve had to deal with something like this, but you’re thankful for having similar life experiences. After a solid minute or two of this her breathing is back to a normal pace, but she’s still crying, and now not meeting your eyes. Almost like she’s avoiding them.

     “Look, I.. I don’t know what happened with you and the diamonds, but you can talk to me about it if you’d like. No pressure, though.” You give her hands a small squeeze, and she whimpers, looking up to meet your gaze. Tears are still actively streaming down her face, and you have no idea how to make any of this better. It physically hurts you to see her like this.

     “C-can I not talk about it? I don’t think I’m ready..” She pulls a hand from yours, and wipes at her face. She just kind of smeared half of her face with wetness, and she looks miserable.

     “You don’t have to talk about anything, Spinel.” You look at her, making sure she sees it in your eyes. You slowly let go of her other hand, and hold your arms out in a silent question instead. Her mouth opens slightly, the red glow of the light around her making her look extremely vulnerable and soft, and she looks at your open arms with a blank face for a moment before understanding. Almost instantaneously, she throws herself against you and wraps her arms around your shoulders, shoving her face into the cradle of your neck. You envelop your arms around her tightly, giving her sides a squeeze, and you feel her start to shake again.

     She lets out an unsteady sigh, and hiccups out another small sob. You pull her to lean fully against you as you stand there, bracing your back against the bathroom door. She lets you maneuver her, and you rest the side of your face against her temple while she cries. You resign yourself to letting her cry on you until she’s done, if she needs to.

       You feel her sniffle against your neck, and try not to mind that she’s getting your shirt soaked. You give her back a few gentle rubs, feeling her body quiver against yours as she’s trying to control her choked breathing. You’re not really counting the minutes, as right now you’re currently having way too many rampant thoughts about what the fuck the diamonds could’ve said to her. You’re mad as hell, honestly, and if you could say shit to them, you would in a heartbeat. You don’t want to make anything worse for her though, as much as you want to steal her phone and video call them to curse them out. It takes a few more minutes, but eventually her crying dies down, and you feel her breathing even out. Slowly, she dislodges her arms from twisting around you two, and you feel a sigh, her breath hot against your neck. You do your best to school your facial expression as you’re realize just how close you are to her, and she pulls her face from its resting position to look at you. She looks awful.

       “U-um,” She lifts up her hand to attempt to wipe her face, failing to rub half the tears away. “I don’t really want to go out there yet..”

       “You don’t have to.” You say, quietly. “I can leave if you’d like some quiet to yourself.” Her face looks panicked for a second, and she grabs your wrist.

       “Please don’t leave me.” She says, voice wavering again. You try not to let your heart shatter at her tone.

     “I won’t if you want me here.” You say, and sigh softly. “Here, hold on a second.”

     She lets your wrist go as you move slightly over to the sink, turn the hot water on, and grab a clean hand towel from the counter. You soak it in water, and squeeze out all the excess. Towel in hand, you turn back to her, and she’s looking at you cautiously. You lift the towel slightly, motioning to her face.

     “May I?” You ask, and she nods slightly.

     Tenderly, you brush a couple strands of hair away from her face, grasp her chin with your left hand and pull her forward, gently pressing the towel to her cheek. She closes her eyes, and her shoulders sag a little as she lets you dab at her face, cleaning her of any tear stain marks. She sighs into your touch, and it strikes you that it would be so easy to just.. lean in and kiss her.

       Your brain almost short circuits and you snap your thoughts back to reality. There’s a time and place for everything. This is not the time, nor the place.

       Once you’re satisfied that she looks a lot better than before, you pull your hands away to toss the rag in the sink, and Spinel, for a brief moment, looks disappointed that you had stopped. Which.. kind of gives you an idea.

       “Can I try something? Harper used to do this thing with me when I.. had similar breakdowns.” You ask her. She raises her eyebrow in response, clearly exhausted from crying so much. “Here.” You say, and take her hand and lead her over to the rim of the bathtub. You sit down on the edge, and motion for her to sit in front of you on the floor. She takes a seat in front of you, still confused, but obeys nonetheless. “Can I touch you?” You ask her, watching her face to make sure she’s alright.

       She looks up at you, the red light in the room flooding the entirety of her face, making her hair darker, and the whites of her eyes a bit more dramatic.

     “Yeah.” She says in reply, voice tired.

     You reach out to her hair, and stop for a moment.

     “Can I have you face the other direction, actually? Come over here.” You move to open your knees, making enough room for Spinel to turn around and lean against the bathtub. She’s close to you again.

     “What are you..” She trails off as you start to take the hair ties out of her pigtails, one after the other. It takes a second, as it’s a bit tangled, but you manage to get both out, and let her hair fall down. You comb out her hair with your fingers, gently, and she sighs audibly while leaning into your touch. You run your short nails along her scalp, scratching and massaging as you smooth out her hair, attempting to pull all the tangles out.

     “Touch used to calm me down, and Harper was really good at it, honestly.” You say while pulling out a particularly difficult tangle without hurting her. Her hair is long like this, and you like it. You wish you could grow your hair this long, but it’s kind of a pain to deal with, and the longest you’ve ever had yours wasn’t even to your mid back, you think to yourself. “Sometimes she’d give me shoulder and neck massages, but I preferred that she’d just play with my hair. There’s just something different about another person touching your hair.”

     “I kind of get what you mean.” She says, tiredly.

     “Can I braid your hair?” You lean closer to look at her face.

     “Do what you want.” She says, looking fairly relaxed.

     “Cool. Anyway, while Harper was good at that, Alex, on the other hand, was just terrible at any kind of physical comfort. He’s genuine, and he tries, but he’s an idiot. He’s a lot better at distractions, for the most part.” You run your fingers through her hair one more time, before starting to separate her hair into three parts for a french braid. “He’s funny, and comes from a large family, so he always has stories and jokes. Whenever I’d have a panic attack, those two were always so good about being there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without them.”

     You notice that Spinel‘s shoulders have lost most of the tension in them, and you’re secretly relieved. You keep talking to fill the quietness around you two, because you’ve always hated the quiet during moments like these. Your friends aren’t here, so it’s up to you to make up for it.

     “It was kind of hard, at first though,” You say, and start looping the chunks of hair around your fingers, starting at the top of her head. “Because for a while there, back when I was 16 and dealing with the worst of my abandonment issues, I clung onto Harper like a baby koala. I had this super weird crush on her even though we had been friends since we were practically babies. I think I idolized her because she was just.. good to me.” You accidentally tug a little too hard on a strand of hair, wince and utter an apology while massaging the spot on her scalp. “I’m glad that didn’t ruin our friendship, but for a while there I really pushed my feelings onto her, which was kinda fucked up on my part.”

     “Hm..” Spinel mumbles. “I kind of had a thing for Pink, I think. Which ended up screwing with me even more after what she did.” You stare at the back of her head and pause your hands for a second. Huh. Yeah, you had a hunch.

     “If she were still alive, I’d punch her in the face for you, I hope you know.” You state, in full seriousness. This gets the first chuckle that you’ve heard from her today, and you’re secretly overjoyed.

     “I’d pay to watch that.” She says, and you laugh out loud. You see her smile, just barely.

     “So,” You continue, with both your hands and conversation. “A week or so after my 17th birthday, right after Harper talked to me about this guy at school that she liked, I confess to her. And not like a, ‘oh hey, you’re my best friend and I really like you’ kind of way, either. It was more like a, ‘have a mental breakdown over your best friend liking someone else and make them feel like shit about it on your walk home from school’ kind of confession.” Your hands reach the nape of her neck now, braid mostly done on her head, but you’ve got around another 20 inches of length before being finished.

     “Harper avoided me for nearly a week after that. I was absolutely pathetic, and inconsolable. Alex was fed up with my shit after a few days, and nearly slapped me over it. He would’ve been in the right, doing so, honestly. I was a selfish asshole who only thought about her own feelings, and not about her best friends.” Your eyes drift to Spinel’s face, and her eyes are closed, eyebrows unfurrowed.

     “Anyway,” You’re nearly done with the entire braid now. “She did end up forgiving me. Thankfully. I don’t know what I’d do if it were my fault that I’d split up our friend group.” You pick up the discarded hair tie from earlier, and tie it around the end of the braid.

     “I’m all done, by the way.” You say to her. She opens her eyes tentatively, and she looks sleepy. You stand up, and stretch your back. She also gets up on wobbly legs, and turns to look at you.

     “Um.” She’s avoiding your eyes. “Thank you. For this.” She’s twisting her hands together, nervously. You lean your face closer to get at eye-level with her.

     “Anytime.. and for the record, you look really cute in a braid.” You say and smile, giving her a cheeky wink. You watch her entire face from the neck up turn bright red, and think that you could probably do this forever, and never get tired. She gives you a noncommittal grunt, halfheartedly smacks your arm and you grin at her.

     You hear a quiet knock at the door, and look over to Spinel. She shrugs, so I guess it’s okay now.

     “You can come in!” You say to the door. It opens slowly, and you see Steven peek his head in.

     “Um.. are we okay?” He asks, clearly very worried about her.

     “I’ll be okay.” She says, and you think that maybe she should lay down and sleep. You verbalize this immediately.

     “Spinel. I think you should go take a nap.” You look at her, and she blinks at you. “I’m serious.”

     “She’s kind of right.” Steven says in agreement with you. Spinel gives the both of you a shrug, and even that seems like it’s taking a lot out of her.

     “Okay.” She says, and turns to walk out of the bathroom. Steven opens the door wider, and you can see Pearl in the kitchen leaning against the counter, trying to not seem like she’s intently watching all of you.

     Spinel makes her way over to the couch and takes a seat, sitting up rigidly. You walk over to her to make sure she’s okay before you leave for home.

     “You know you can text me, right? And if you need me, I’ll be available. I’ll leave my volume turned on.” She gives you a nod. “Oh, and.. take this,” You say, and pull off the pullover hoodie you’re wearing right now, and hand it over to her. “Alex used to let me wear his oversized sweaters, and they used to help me sleep, so..”

     She tentatively reaches out, and takes it from your hands.

     “Thanks.” She says, and gives you a small smile. With her hair pulled back like this she almost looks human, for a fleeting moment. You sometimes forget she’s a gem. You return the smile back at her, and turn around to leave.

     After grabbing your bag that you set down earlier from beside the couch, you head over to the front door and open it. Shouldering the bag, you start to shut the door and see Steven behind you. He closes the door behind him, his face searching yours for something you don’t quite know.

     “I don’t know what you did, but thank you.” He says, completely genuine.

     “You don’t have to thank me. I’d do it for you, too, you know.” You say to him, and he smiles.

     “That’s why I like you, Y/N. You’re sweet.”

     “Yeahhhh, don’t tell anyone, though. You’ll ruin my reputation.” You smirk, giving him the side-eye. He laughs and pats your back.

     “Ohhhhhh no! Whatever will you do!?” He rolls his eyes in jest. “Get home safe, okay?”

     “No promises.” You reply, and jump down his steps, two at a time.  

     It doesn’t take you long to get home, and you’re pretty tired yourself. You make yourself busy by preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen a little, and calling your dad for another check-in. Before you know it, it’s nearly 11, and you need to sleep for your double shift tomorrow that you almost forgot about. You’re laying in bed browsing social media before drifting off, and you receive a text from Spinel. You swipe down and open the message.

         Spinel: Thanks again for today.

     Spinel: I baked some new cookies with Steven, and would like to give you some tomorrow if that’s okay?

         You smile to yourself. Ughhhhhhhh, you’re catching the feelings disease, and you swat the air around you like it somehow physically manifested around you.

         Y/N: I work literally all day, but feel free to stop by and give them to me.

     Y/N: Then I get to see a pretty familiar face to break up all the lame tourists.

     Y/N: Cuz that sounds super nice. ;)

     Spinel: I’ll see you tomorrow, then.

         She didn’t react to your obvious teasing, but you won’t let that discourage you. You fall asleep thinking of the many different ways you can poke fun at her, and this time, you charge your phone.

     You wake up the next morning feeling well-rested for once, and get ready for work. Alex has sent you a couple texts about when his flight will arrive, and when he’ll roughly come to meet you. Sometime around 4pm, apparently. You shoot Spinel a good morning text, and she replies almost instantly with the same, which makes you smile.

     You head to work, texting your group chat about what happened yesterday with Spinel, and give them basically all the details. Alex makes fun of you for a bit, so you curse him out and pocket your phone as you clock in. Today’s going to suck, but you’ve got a few things to look forward to.

     You make it a couple hours into your shift before you finally get a break, and Spinel texts you that she’ll drop by sometime in the afternoon once she’s done helping Bismuth with something. God you hope it’s not when Alex gets here, because you are so not fucking ready for that interaction. You eat your lunch and pray to any god out there that you could have one more day of peace.

     You’re outside the main building repairing a couple parts on the carousel, ignoring the bulk of the tourists to focus on work. You don’t realize that quite a while has passed by, because someone walks up to you as you’ve got your head in a small door, and kicks you slightly on your ass. You jolt and bump your head against the opening, and you hear Alex burst out into laughter as you groan in pain.

     God fucking dammit, this guy. You pull your head out to glare at him, screwdriver pointing at him threateningly.

     “Do you want this up your ass? Because I can do that.” You say to him, and he laughs even harder. You roll your eyes at him.

     “Don’t promise me with a good time, Y/N.” He says, and you stand up to smack him.

     “I don’t think the pointy end would be a good time, idiot.” You deadpan stare at him. He grins.

     “You don’t know what I’m into.” He shrugs, and flips his hair dramatically. You hate that he’s stupid and charming, and you love him so much.

     “I know I haven’t seen you in 2 months, but like, I feel like you’ve grown taller?” You stare at him, a little mournfully. You’re the shortest one out of your friends, and you’re of average height. He also seems.. handsomer. You think he definitely got a lot more tan. He’s definitely grown into his looks, his dark curly hair and recently shaved face making him look older than you’re used to.

     “I don’t think I did, but I think you’ve grown shorter.” He laughs obnoxiously, and you smack his arm again, which makes him laugh harder.

     “You’re so mean to me, like all the time. Why do I love you?” You cross your arms and pout, because you know it gets a rise out of him.

     “Youuuuuuu knowww, because I’m just so loveable and gorgeous and the smartest one in the group??” He flutters his eyelashes at you like he thinks he’s cute.

     “Wow, you are none of these things.” You reply, smirking at him. He puts his hand over his heart in mock offense.

     “Y/N, I’m offended. I’ve been here for like, five minutes, and I’ve received absolutely no affection from you. If I don’t get love, I will wilt and die. Do you want to be responsible for my death?” He opens his arms wide, and you roll your eyes dramatically, and stand there.

     “We’re not doing this in public.” You say, standing your ground.

     “Ohhh, YES we are, Y/N.” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Prepare yourself for the onslaught.”

     You take a couple steps back, prepared to run. He grabs your arms, wraps his around your torso, and picks you up, swinging you around.

     “Nooooooooooooooooo!!” You cry. “Put me down you oaf!”

     “No! I want love!” He all but shouts, and spins you around. He grabs your cheek with one hand and starts giving you big ‘ol smooches all over your face, and you’re giggling and trying to push him away, when you hear something drop and spill on the pavement a good twenty feet from you. You look up.

     It’s Spinel.

       Her face is twisted with heartbreak, and before you can even speak up, she bolts.

       You look down, and see the cookies she made you scattered on the ground.

[quitetommy]

sickness and health- even before the big day

so like the ending is trash because i didnt know how to end it and i didnt wanna make it into a series but hope you enjoy!!!! this is doctor!tom!!! so im warning yall that this is all about injury and its loosly based off greys anatomy so if you cant watch that then you probably shouldnt read this but anyways- enjoy

ALSO DONT FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY WRITING CONTEST! ENDS JULY 31!!!!

Tom’s days were long, they went from early mornings until late into the night, when the sun was no longer apart of the equation. Usually, the young doctor’s life was hectic and he could be found running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but today was different. 

Today, Tom found himself sitting back and chilling (for the lack of a better word) with his mates. He knew the unspoken rule of never saying that it was quiet because then all hell would break loose, and to be completely candid, he was perfectly fine with how his day was going, especially for the fact that in 10 short minutes he would be walking outside to join his fiancee. The two hadn’t had a date night in awhile, due to Tom’s crazy schedule, and they were more than happy to take his free night and spend some time together. 

Breaking him from his thoughts, Tom’s buddy, Harrison spoke up, “Hey mate, what’s Y/N got planned for you tonight?”

Tom felt his thin lips stretch into a wide smile, showing off his teeth. “Not sure. She did say something about going to buy groceries for my favorite. We’ll probably just have a night in, which we both are-”

The curly headed boy was cut off when a shout was heard through the small ER. Both Tom’s and Haz’s heads snapped to the man running in. He was covered in blood and he looked beyond scared, he was carrying an almost unconscious girl. And from where Tom and his mate were standing, they couldn’t tell that it was his beloved Y/N. 

“Please, someone help!” His shouts of panic put the two boys into action, Tom sprinting to the man and woman and Harrison running to grab a gurney. Tom had snatched a pair of blue gloves off the counter as he ran over and was now snapping them onto his hands. “Okay sir, everything is going to be alright. Can you tell me what happened?” 

Harrison was now back with the gurney and Tom was taking the injured woman from the man’s arms, still looking at the stranger, he asked again, happy that he answered. 

“I-I don’t know. Some guy-! Think it was a robbery! She wouldn’t give ‘im anything, so he just started beatin’ her and then took off with her wallet.” Tom nodded along to his story, ready to ask the man if he was hurt himself but then his friend called his name, fearfully. 

Turning around, the handsome doctor lost his breath. He felt like he had been punched in the chest. Now that her hair was moved from her face and she wasn’t hunched over in a stranger’s arms, he was able to see who the young girl was- his girl. 

She was staring up at Harrison with wide eyes, she hadn’t seemed to recognize where she was or who she was looking around for someone, probably Tom, and was crying out. It looked like she was having trouble opening her mouth and Tom felt his heart break into two. And with a heavy heart, he yelled out, “We need some help over here, now!!”

Getting Y/N onto the backboard was easy, so was getting the neck brace on her. The hard part was keeping her still- that and keeping Tom at arms length. All of the doctors, even though they were friends, were continuously yelling at him to stay back. He refused, that was his girl, he wasn’t going to just not help her. She would move mountains if she could help him the same way that he was helping her. 

Everyone was talking at once and Tom felt like his brain and throat were being squeezed in a vice. He heard someone say, “Send blood for a crossmatch.” Haz, maybe?

He heard another person say, “Belly is soft!”

And another, “Bruising on the left chest.” Tom was breathing heavily as he watched his girl frantically look around the room. She was still crying, her mouth still clenched shut. “Pulse is down to 88, I’ve got a line going in now.” 

Tom heard the doctor curse loudly, “Her vein is collapsed. I can’t get it in.”

Another doctor answered, “Try a central line.” The doctors working on his pretty girl were talking nonstop and listing off her injuries and with every word, Tom felt his heart break a little more. Leaning over his girl, but staying out of the way of the working doctors, he said, “You’re gonna be just fine. You’re gonna be fine, alright?” 

More doctors rushed in, each working on their part of the body, and he blocked out all the things they were saying. Tom was grateful that he worked at such a good hospital, that his girl had the best team. The vice around his throat clamped shut when they decided to move Y/N. Her screams were loud and full of obvious pain as they worked on her- moving the poor girl to her side, putting in tubes, cleaning up her wounds, setting bones. With every single thing they did, Tom felt like his heart was going through a meat blender. He couldn’t stand it. 

One of the doctors- a neurosurgeon- asked, “Y/N, honey, I’m gonna need you to move your fingers for me. Can you do that?” When nothing happened, the room seemed to stop, and she asked again, “or- or your toes.” Nothing. It was like she hadn’t even heard the critical request. Tom felt his heart stop when the thought crossed his mind- she couldn’t hear. 

She couldn’t hear anything. 

The brain know-it-all stated this time- no question in her voice. She was demanding. “Come on. Just come on. Wiggle something.” Tom shook his head as he lifted up a heavy hand and snapped next to her ear, and then reached across and did the same to the other. And when nothing happened, when she didn’t respond and just kept on groaning in pain, he said, “Guys.”

When none of the doctors stopped to listen, he said, louder this time, “Guys, I don’t think she can hear us!”

“What?”

“What? Are you sure?” All of the doctors paused their work for a fraction of a second. The heavy hearted boy grabbed a light and started to look in her ears, calling out her name. He was hoping he was wrong, but unfortunately, he was right. There was obvious damage to her eardrums. “She can’t hear anything we’re saying.”

Then everything took a turn for the worst and Tom felt like he was going to throw up. Hsi heart was in his stomach and he was on the verge of a panic attack. The machines that were hooked up to his pretty lady started beeping in wild succession. A doctor concluded, “We are gonna have to intubate.”

Another well trusted man said, “her jaw is locked. There’s no way!”

The head of plastics said, “If I can reduce the swelling, you can get one in.” he paused and looked at Tom, then back to the injured friend, “I’m gonna have to pop her jaw.”

Tom was in hysterics. “No way!”

“I have to! It’s gonna hurt like hell, but I’m sorry, I have to.” And before he knew what was happening, he was being held back as he watched in pure agony. He watched as the doctor placed his thumbs in her mouth as best he could and as Tom fought against his friend that held him to the wall he shut his eyes, not wanting to see her in any more pain. Perhaps that was worse, though, because he could still hear the loud yell of pain that his pretty girl let out and Tom felt nothing but anger. Anger because his girl was hurt and anger because he couldn’t do anything to help her. He was just beyond angry. 

It was only hours later when Tom let himself be in the same room as her. When he finally stepped foot in her private suite he forgot how to breathe again. She looked horrible. She had bruising around her eye, it turning shades of purple and yellow. Her jaw was wired shut and she had a feeding tube going up her nose as well as a bandage wrapped around her whole head. Tom felt his heart drop to his stomach, he spoke, eyes down, “Hey, love.”

With no answer, he looked up to find Y/N looking at him with curious eyes. “Can you hear me?” She stared still, so he sighed and pointed to his ear and she shook her head. The lovesick boy felt his heart drop even further, if that was even possible. Realistically, he knew her hearing would come back and that the bruising would fade and that she would get better, but he was still feeling like he would always remember the feeling of seeing her so hurt. So broken. So defeat. 

He couldn’t bear it. He wouldn’t. So for now he pulled over a chair and held her hand, comforting her without words, comforting her with all his love. Because that was his job as her future husband.

Taglist; @spider-bitten @bi-writer-in-the-dark @marvelouspottering @quacksin @friendscallme-emily @smexylemony @tom-hollands-eyelash @tomblrholland @spidey-pal @lovelyh0lland @spideymood @positiveparker @positiveparker @procrastinatingparker @your-daily-dose-of-fangirl @Bodakcello @sleepybesson @spideyshcllands @its-the-unknownspidey @tomshufflepuff @aestheticgaybish

[randoblog101]

Dont tell me "she's your mom, she loves you".

Dont tell me "but she's your mom".

Dont tell me "she's your mom, you only have one".

Just dont. You dont understand and you never fucking will. Maybe she does fucking love me. But she sure in hell has a shit way of showing. She has oppressed me. She has made me feel worthless and useless. She has used me so many times for money, for people to feel sorry for her, to get out of work, for her own mental health while she made mine go further into shit.

"She just doesnt know how to help you."

Really? She hasn't even tried. Forced me on medication without even getting me officially diagnosed by a doctor with what is wrong with me. Never once talked to me about anything involving my mental health. Made me stay home alone nights on end. Stay in home with no food because her drugs were more important. She constantly broke promises to me, and then made me feel like it was my fault. I had to talk her out of suicide at the age of 9 years old, and I have done it a hand full of times after that growing up. She has abandoned me for drugs. Abandoned me for men. I ask for anything at all, which is once in a blue moon, and I made to feel like a spoiled little brat who always asks for things constantly. Blames me for when she is broke. Makes me feel like her shitty life is my fault. I try to talk to her about anything, she does nothing but pushes me until I get pissed about something or someone and I fuck it up. She never listens. I constantly took care of her, when she was depressed, when she was too high to get out of bed, when she was too exhausted from days on end staying wake because of "work". I constantly cleaned and tried to cook dinners when I could. Not once did I get a thank you. When I'd ask for one she would tear me down and make me feel so stupid because to her she either already thanked me or goes on about all the shit she does that never get thanked. Like okay? You want me to thank you for working a job so you can have a roof over your head? You want me to thank you for working, when I was 14 and wasnt able to get a job? You wanted a thank you for the shit you do when you barely do anything more than what you have to? You want me to thank you for buying groceries that you also fucking need? You want me to thank you for the times I paid the bills and bought groceries with my own birthday money that you swore youd pay me back for? You want me to thank you for all the times you got me to take pills I didnt want because I was having a panic attack or I was in a little bit of pain? You want me to thank you for giving birth to me? You want me to thank you for getting many many people to hate me? You want me to thank you for manipulating and emotionally/mentally abuse me for my entire life?

"I brought you into this world, I can take you out."

Fuck you. Using threats and making me feel completely worthless and like a fuck up when I did something wrong. Like children do. Making me grow up fast as hell because you actually had no fucking clue how to raise a kid. Constantly telling me everything that makes me me is all coming from you through genetics; so I constantly fel as though I was nothing or no body. I'm sick and tired of people telling me I should keep her in my life because she is my mother.

Do you know how many actual memories I have of my mother before the age of 6? None. But I sure in hell have a shit tom of other memories of other people tho. Do you know how many memories I have of my mother from my childhood that are actually pretty fucked up and sad? Every single one of them.

How come everyone is telling me to keep this woman in life because she is my mother; but when it comes to the man who is suppose to be my father everyone is cool with me kicking him out of my life? They are both said to be my parents, so why is it okay for one to be gone but the other I made to feel like I'm nothing unless I have her in my life? Why? Because she gave birth to me?

Kids who get adopted have a mother who gave birth to them but no one expects them to stay in each others life once they are grown.

I may not be legally an orphan, but I was made to feel that way everyday my whole life. So why should it change now because I want out? SHE HASNT EVEN SAID SORRY FOR ANYTHING! Not a sorry for kicking us out. Not a sorry for thinking about making us homeless. Not a sorry for abusing my fiance and me while we lived under her roof. Not a sorry for all the times she fucked up my life growing up. Not sorry for the way she missed treated me. Not even a sympathetic sorry for any of the times her "sister" screamed at us, threatened us, and completely made us feel like complete scum of the earth for literally nothing, no reason. Not a sympathetic sorry for when she found out I was forced to live with my aunt and uncle. She could've went to court then and got me to live with her, like she claimed my whole life is what she wanted for me; but she didnt. No she waited until my father dragged me back to his house, banning me from seeing anyone in his family, then getting tired of me, is when she swooped in and took me to live with her.

I have alters because of her, and she doesnt even want to acknowledge I battle with depression and anxiety unless she can use it to her advantage, let alone believe I have had so much trauma that she has played a hand in that has caused me to have people live in my head that come out and deal with shit too. One loves her more than I ever did, and she treats me as though he is dust in the wind. But it's okay, because she is my mother right? That gives her every-fucking-reason to abuse me, manipulate me, to abandon me and come back like nothing happened, use me, throw me away like I'm nothing, mistreat everyone I have ever cared about let get close to me and my so called family.

It is fucking obvious that my life is better without her in it and yet everyone wants me to let her back in.

I'm still dealing with pain, trauma, anger, sadness, that was caused from her. And you want me to brush it off like its sand on my clothes? Why because she is my mother? Right.....

[nothing-but-kpop-dreams]

Pinky Promise (request)

Request: Can I request a mark tuan scenario where he's a doctor and his girlfriend is a cop and they argue cause he's worried about her chasing criminals and they almost break up, but then they make up? Thanks! Hope this makes sense lol

Author's note: I don't knoe too much about law enforcement so sorry if there are inaccuracies and stuff.

Word Count: 2023

“Ouch, ouch, ouch!” you winced in only a minute amount of pain as you slowly slid the sleeve of your coat over your wound of the day.

The cut running down most of your forearm was no big deal (at least that was what you were telling everyone, including yourself). It was a small price to pay in order to do what you did today; chase after a low life, follow them into some dark dirty alley, corner them, wait for them to realize they have been caught, then cuff them. And well, you probably got a cut on your arm from hitting the edge of a dumpster, but as mentioned earlier, it was all part of the job.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna at least wrap that up?” your partner asked. “That cut is pretty nasty looking.”

You let out a playful scoff. “Nah, I’m good. We both know I’ve gotten worse than this before.”

“Oh, so the first aid kit under the sergeant’s desk isn’t good enough for you and that doctor boyfriend of yours?” he joked.

“Oh please, you should hear the arguments we have over him wanting to clean up my cuts and stuff and I won't let him.”

Jaebum, or Jb for short now that you were close partners, looked down at you with a teasing look of disapproval. “Gosh I remember the first day I had to work with you. I saw you and thought, “That person right there… is probably a stubborn little asshole”, and boy was I right.” he laughed, giving you a playful pat on the back. “I really feel sorry for your boyfriend… I’m heading out already, but make sure you get that thing cleaned up. I don't want excuses tomorrow!” he said as he walked out.

“Night!” you called out, gathering your own things so you can head home.

The ride back proved to be uncomfortable. The cut kept rubbing up against your coat sleeve. It was still so raw and sensitive that any little bump on the road sent waves of fiery pain up your arm. It would probably be best to have that “boyfriend doctor of yours” look at it. The only thing was that you didn't want him to get all worried over you. He had a bad habit of overreacting to any little thing you came home with.

Now at your door, you took a deep breath before stepping inside. You needed a second to prepare for the full on lecture you were going to get about “being more careful about your surroundings”, “making sure to have rubbing alcohol in the police car”, “Did you at least rinse the cut out?” and all that other concerned whining.

“Hi baby!” you smiled a bit too overenthusiastically when you walked in to find your boyfriend, Mark, slumped on the couch.

“Hi!” he said with a tired smile.

It was easy to see how exhausted he was. He hadn’t even changed out of his work clothes yet.

It was a safe bet to leave your coat on. You didn't want to rile him up so soon. As casually as you could, you sat next to him and pulled him into a side hug; it was all just to make sure you wouldn’t bring your wounded arm into contact with him. “How was everything at the hospital today?” you asked with a quick peck.

“Busy, as always.” he huffed. “And how was your day?”

“Same. I had to chase some stupid ass punk today, so that was pretty exciting.”

Your boyfriend sat up. He was already more alert over hearing this piece of information. He always got this way. Any little story you had that sounded any bit dangerous, put him on edge.

“And you’re okay right? The douche didn’t hurt you or anything?”

“Baby, I’m fine. I just got a cut, but other than that, I’m good.”

“Cut? Where? Did he have a knife on him? Did you fight with him?”. Now he was in a panic. You could feel his body get all tense.

“Mark, calm down. I think I might have cut my arm running past a dumpster, that's all.”

“A dumpster?!? Do you even know how dirty- Ugh! Just let me take a look at it. I need to see how bad it is.”

You rolled your eyes at him. For someone that was chill 99% of the time, he had his over dramatic moments.

You slowly took off your coat. Yes, the cut still hurt and it actually looked more irritated than before. You’re skin was all red and swollen. It honestly looked kind of gross now.

“Bathroom now!” He said sternly.

Without listening to your opposing pleas, Mark grabbed your good arm and dragged you behind him towards the master bathroom. That place was more his mini doctor's office than it was a bathroom, but hey that was the “perk” of him being a doctor.

“Why is this not wrapped up?” his voice was already in that lecturing tone. He didn’t even look at you though, his focus was on your arm. He was in the zone, grabbing all these bandages and oils and stuff from the cabinets.

“Cuz- I don’t know- it didn’t hurt at the time.” you couldn’t think of a better excuse. “Not that I really had time cuz like right after, we got called in for a domestic abuse thing.”

“Did you at least wash it out later?” he grumbled as he continued to work his magic on your arm.

“...No” you said guiltily.

And in what felt like seconds, he was done, but he wasn’t happy. He looked up at you with a clenched jaw. You were actually surprised by how pissed he was. Sure he’s always nagged at you to be more careful, but he was never like this. “Why not?” he asked in a low voice.

“... Just cuz.” you said timidly. He aura was so intense now you were honestly a bit intimidated.

“Dammit y/n, you do know that could get infected right?!?

“Yes.” you groaned.

“So why not take care of it?!? Why are you so stubborn about taking care of yourself? This has to be the third time this week that I have to bandage you up. You know much I hate that? I hate seeing you hurt! Everyday is some new scary story of how you can home cut up or bruised up or almost got shot or almost got in a car accident!”

You stayed quiet and kept your head hung low.

“I am really starting to hate that you’re a cop.” he continued. “I don't know why you put yourself through this. I- I don’t why you’re still on the force. I would have thought you would have switched over to a desk job by now.”

You looked up at him with furrowed brows. The topic of you being a cop has come up before. Mark has expressed how much he prefers you aren't one, but it was more of a joking manner. But now he was serious about it… and that didn’t make you very happy.

“I don’t see why you won’t quit that job already.” he added.

“W- why would I want to quit?”

“Pft! Because it’s dangerous!”

“So?!?”

“What do you mean so? Do you have any idea how worried I am over you every day? And then to have to come home to you all beat up? I hate it! I would much rather you just be here or something. Like- like you don’t have to work! I make enough for the both of us!”

“What?!? Not work?” And now you were pissed. “So then what do you expect me to do?”

“Well- I don’t know.” he stuttered “I mean- I don’t mean don’t work but like- ugh- I don't care what you do or don't do as long as you aren't doing what you're doing now.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “I can’t believe you are actually saying this. I- I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.” you said as you walked out of the bathroom.

“Babe, wait!” Mark followed after you “Can’t you at least think about it some more?”

You spun back at him “No I dont wanna fucking “think about it”! How dare you ask me something like that! You very much knew what my job was when we started dating and you had no problem with it then. But if you don't want a girlfriend that’s a cop, well then get a new girlfriend!” you spat.

Instantly his face fell. “What? No!” He closed the space between you two. He tried to reach for you but you pulled away. “Baby, I don't want to do that! I love you. I just want you safe!” he pleaded.

“Mark, if you really loved me, you wouldn't be asking me to quit my job! How would you feel if I asked you to quit being a doctor?”

“But that's different! My life isn't constantly on the line!”

“Um, yes it is! Everyday you walk into a building filled with sick people. It's literally covered with - with germs and- and disease. And like you might accidentally poke yourself with a needle and get hiv. You might get attacked by a belligerent patient. You've told me so many stories of stuff like that happening. And how many times have you gotten assaulted by the family members of dying patients?”

“Twice” he said reluctantly.

“Exactly! There was that “6 foot, 300 pound guy” that tried to beat you up when his wife died after giving birth and there was that mother that smacked you when you told her her son passed. And let’s not forget about that creepy guy that literally threatened to kill you after you told him his daughter's condition was getting worse!”

Now it was him that stayed quiet.

“Do you have any idea of what your asking of me right now?!? For as long as I remember, I have wanted to be a cop. Believe it or not, graduating of the academy is like, one of the best days in my life. I love being a cop. I love wearing my uniform and driving around with Jb. I love pulling over asshole drivers and tackling down piece of shut people and bringing in assholes that beat on their kids or spouse. Sure, I don't like the stupid paperwork, but I love the thrill of what I do. I love knowing that I am saving people, that I am protecting them… isn't that the same reason you became a doctor?”

“...Yeah…” his sighed. “You- You’re right. You’re right. Totally right. Y/n, I’m sorry. It’s just, I worry about you that’s all.”

“Yeah, I know, but that doesn’t give you a right to try to control me.”

Mark sat down at the edge of the bed. He was completely deflated, almost like how he was when you got home. “I know…”

You felt a bit bad seeing him look so defeated. His intentions were good, he was just worried about you overall.

You let out a long. The weight of the argument was heavy on your shoulders. You started at him for a while as you tried to get yourself calm before you said anything you would regret.

Eventually though, you went over and sat next to him. With your good arm, you pulled him into a side hug. He rested his pouty face on your head and for a long moment the both of you were quiet.

“I’m sorry.” he repeated, this time wrapping his arms around you. “I really crossed the line today. Everything came out wrong and I'm really sorry.”

“... I mean, I could have been more careful. I really should have washed it out at least. How about this, from now on I truly promise to be more careful at work?” You suggested holding your pinky out to him.

A small smile grew on his face and his pinky wrapped around yours. “And I promise to not overreact and get all controlling and ask you to quit your job.”

-Admin Boat

[fuck-customers]

How petty are you?

I can't do this anymore. I need to quit this job, it's literary fucking with my mental health so much. So... I was originally scheduled to work Monday, Thursday and Saturday this week, which is pretty much a normal standard schedule for me. However, on Monday, my manager took me aside to ask if we could change my shifts around to be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and taking me off Saturday. I agreed because having Saturdays off is rare and I wanted to possibly make plans with a friend. I was dreading the four day in a row schedule though. Four days may seem normal to most, but let me just note that I'm very introverted, so being around so many people so much is extremely emotionally exhausting to me, and I also have really bad social anxiety as well and get overwhelmed easily especially on busy days. I can deal with my regular schedule no problem because usually there's a day or two between shifts so I can recharge. This time I didn't have that though, so I started having a constant feeling of anxiety pressing on my chest. So, all this prefacing is just for y'all to understand what state of mind I was in when the actual story occurred. It was nearing the end of my shift. Maybe half an hour or even just 20 minutes left. Everything had gone well the past few days, you know, aside from the constant dread and anxiety and all. But I got through it okay, because I tried to focus more on the fact that I'd just get it over with and enjoy three days off in a row. So this lady comes up and she goes to pay for her stuff; she drops some change into my outstretched hand, but the way she dropped it, a two cent piece didn't quite hit my hand right, bounced off and fell in the gap between the inset scale and the counter, never to be seen again. I looked at my little side table to see if there was another 2 cents in a little plastic cup we keep there for change that people dont want, but there was none. Of course not. So I sheepishly ask the lady if she has another 2 cent piece, because the other one fell. (Through no fault of mine!) She goes like "I'm not paying that again??" And her tone immediately had me kind of on edge. Okay, so she doesn't want to give me another 2 cents. That's fine, I honestly don't care that much. Her total was like... 7,37 or something, so I hand her back the other small cent pieces so I have 7,40 in my hand. I punch the 7,40 into the register and give her the change for what I punched in. She just stands there expectantly and goes "And what about the two cents?" And I was like "what about it?" Not fully processing what she meant (keeping in mind my brain was fried by anxiety already, I hadn't slept well at all and I just wanted to go home at that point) and she goes "Well it wasn't MY fault that they fell, so I should be getting them back." And I'm like "Weeell.. it wasn't my fault either though." Basically to make things short, she wanted me to give it to her out of my drawer, which I didn't want to do because I'm a hopeless perfectionist and even a small discrepancy in my register annoys the hell out of me. Also she was being a bitch, so I was even less inclined to give her what she wanted. Had I had a change cup, I would've taken it from there, or had she been nice about it,I would've even shorted my drawer for her. But like this? Fuck off, you don't get to be a bitch to me and still get your way. Maybe I'm being petty too, but... just no. And honestly I would say it WAS her fault that the piece fell anyways because she was the one who tossed her money into my hand haphazardly. Ofc I didn't say that out loud but... just saying. This went back and forth for a minute, her saying it was my fault that it fell and that this was unacceptable and how dare I, saying that the money was "going to me/the store in the end" (no lmao it's lost in the abyss of the register forever, I've been working here for almost a year and I feel like I still see the same things in the cracks as there were when I started. They literally never clean out or even open that part, in fact I'm not sure you CAN even open that part. Anyways I didn't really know what to do since I was already so frazzled from the previous days and too tired to really think about it in the moment, and I started to get increasingly frazzled as the anxiety grew in intensity and my heart rate went up just because of the hostile attitude she was displaying. Literally it wouldn't have happened like this if she had initially been nice about it bc the way she reacted immediately got me into that panicky state that may have clouded my judgement. Anyway eventually she gave up and left (not without rolling her eyes and mumbling something probably unfavourable) and I tried to cash out the next customer while trying not to cry, but I immediately punched in a wrong number for a vegetable and had to call for a manager to void it. On the PA my voice was already kinda breaking, I was shaking all over and the tears started coming. The two ladies after the rude bitch were really concerned and tried to comfort me, but I just completely broke down sobbing, bawling my eyes out by the time the manager arrived. He asked me what was wrong and I just barely managed to choke out that a customer had been really mean to me, which the ladies in line confirmed, saying the first woman had acted so awful. The manager hopped on the register and sent me to the back so I could calm down, but with all the buildup it was so bad that I cried for literally like half an hour- longer actually. Half an hour of hyperventilating, barely being able to speak, sobbing and bawling, violently shaking, my face and hands felt almost completely numb and some of my facial muscles were twitching uncontrollably- I don't know how or why that happened or if that's normal for a really bad panic attack, but it was new to me, never happened in all my anxiety filled years, it was the worst I've ever had in my life. So yeah, that's the story of how a customer sent me spiralling into the worst panic attack I've ever had, over two cents. Reading this, it may seem like I'm overreacting and maybe I am, but that's how it is with this bitch of an anxiety disorder. I also kinda didn't have the energy to recount the entire exchange word for word so it may not entirely come across how mean this lady actually was.

[corpsebride4311]

Letter to my Ex

(who's also my best friend)

Hey... you know, in all the time I've known you, even if we fight all the time, even if we dont talk much now, even though I'm an idiot, I've hurt you, betrayed you, made you cry countless times, you've always been there for me, you've always cared for me, you've always been the most loyal friend I have above all my friends. I was a horrible girlfriend yet I did my best for a long while... and at the same time I didnt try enough. I still love you... not _in love_ love but I do truly love you. You are one of those things that even though it went wrong and i fucked up, i dont regret one bit... I'll admit i did regret it from time to time but tbh... like i said... you've been so loyal, so caring, so loving and understanding and I'm so sorry i havent even scratched the bottom of that with you. I've been a horrible girlfriend, ex, best friend and just friend. One of the worst and I hate it cause I caused you so many problems, so much sadness yet you never left... never... if you did, youd always come back and if I was crying you were there, if I was pissed you were there, you trusted me and I trusted you and I feel so much in your debt.

I love you so much.... you have no idea....

I've been hurt so much, idek where to start with that... I still hate my life, I hate who I am, I disgust myself in every way possible and I'm tired of getting used, hurt, back stabbed, lied to, etc etc

I feel like an old and used toy, that barely works anymore, all broken with so many stitches and I hate it.... I see myself in the mirror and I hate what I see. I've been so stupid Jay.... so fucking stupid.... I caused myself most of my pain, I'm completely useless, I cant cook, I cant clean, I cant dance, I cant do sports, I'm failing my classes, I'm singing less and less as time passes, I dont know what I want to do with my life, I cant tell right from wrong, I fight so much, I'm annoying as fuck, I just want to die Jay... and i dont doubt that one day I'll have the accessibility to kill myself and I'll try to... cause I'm unhappy... I'm so unhappy... I cant do shit... im supposedly smart but I dont see it... im so stupid, i do everything wrong, I dont understand anything from the world out there and I want to explore it, experience it, etc.

I'm also afraid... I'm so afraid Jay... I go into crowded places and I feel watched, I panic inside and I just want to scream and get out. I want to run, scream, drive, I just want to escape something and idek what it is... I've been so busy with all the bad stuff in my life that thankfully I havent had time to think so it's been a while since the last time I looked at myself and said "no wonder nobody wants you" "no wonder everybody uses you" "you're so stupid and meaningless, I mean you cant even do simple chores in the house and if you go out to the world you have to force yourself cause the reality is you're way too scared to be out there. You feel like you're gonna get attack, and tbh you will, cause you're stupid. You're a naive little stupid bitch and that makes you a hell of an easy target. So yeah, one day you'll get kidnapped, raped, tortured and killed just cause you wanted to rebel a little and fit in to feel like someone likes you and all they will do will be using you, drug you, fuck you and you wont be able to do anything about it"

I need help Jay... I want to feel loved yet I dont want to meet one more single person interested in me cause now i see them all the same; I see everyone out to get me. I feel like they'll do something to me and my skin gets all cold suddenly and I get the chills.

I'm so afraid... constantly... and i cant talk about it with anyone... idk who to talk to...

I just want to die so bad... i dont want to live anymore... and if i do i want to feel safe with someone but i only give that "chance" to anyone i already know and it's still too hard to handle... why though...?

It's not fair... why is it that the person who I feel safe with, feels safe with me and everything but he is exactly like me in the worst part.... he's confused... he doesn't want to hurt me but he's the only one I fully trust enough and it's all so confusing because how can something be so perfect and then the person says they're not sure if it's the best thing. Fucking idiot.... it's so not fair...

Who cares though, right? I mean I dont know what I'm meant to do, meant to feel... I just want to stop time... I want it all to stop... maybe go back in time and do some stuff differently... or maybe break off my parents when they met so they never had me

I want to quit and i can't.... why is it so hard to be happy? I just want to be happy...

I'm such a failure... so useless... so worthless... I hate it... I hate my life, my face, my body, my family, my friends, my school, everything, I hate it all

All I want to do is get in the car, drive to aguadilla or cabo rojo or something like that, go to the ceiling of the tallest building and jump.

That's all I want to do right now and I cant help it, I wish I didnt exist and I need so much help and I cant tell anyone because no one will understand... only I understand and only I can deal with it... somehow

[just-an-anxious-mess]

What’s In The Box?

Trigger Warnings: mentions of panic attacks, violence, torture, blood and injuries, it may appear fluffy to begin with but there's lots of angst.

"Hey, let's go for a day trip to the imagination now you're finished fixing it!"

"that's a great idea Patton! We can have a picnic during the day and watch the stars at night!"

"Does this trip really require us all to come?"

"Yeah, can't I just stay in my room for this?"

"Now I know you two aren't keen on the imagination but think of how much fun you'll have! Logan you can point out the constellations and stuff to us! And Virgil you know we'll end up doing something you're sure to enjoy!" Patton was bright and enthusiastic.

Logan and Virgil exchanged looks of reluctance before sighing and giving in. Neither of them wanted to be the cause of Pattons smile fading.

The four set off into the imagination and it didn't take long for them to find somewhere Patton thought would be good for a picnic.

"We can sit under the trees there and still be close enough to the lake that we can watch the different creatures!" Patton was saying as he conjured a blanket for them to sit on.

Logan frowned "Surely you'd be worried about any insects that might be around."

Patton shook his head with a beaming grin. "That's the best part about the imagination! There are no bugs or pests of any kinds unless you conjure them. Which means this is the optimal picnic spot!"

Whatever Logan had been about to respond with immediately died in his throat at Pattons use of the word optimal.

Virgil had already let out a huff and sat with his back to the tree trunk so nothing could creep up behind him. That was a habit he'd picked up after all the time with Deceit and The Others.

Patton sat down and started to unpack the food with a grin as Logan sat down rather heavily next to him.

Roman remained standing, his eyes scanning the surrounding area with an odd glint in them.

"Roman?" Patton called, jolting Roman out of his thoughts.

"Yes Patton?"

"Do you want a sandwich?" Patton asked gesturing to the sandwiches he'd unpacked.

"yes, as long as they're not cheese." Roman said, finally taking a seat.

There was a few seconds of silence as everyone ate but Logan finally broke it after looking around in confusion.

"So what exactly happened last week that broke the imagination? You never told us and it doesn't seem as if anythings that different."

Romans lips twitched up into a slight smirk for a split second before his expression smoothed out into a casually disinterested one. "Just a monster that got out of hand which I had trouble defeating. Everything is back the way it should be now though."

Logan and Patton nodded and started talking about something else but Virgil remained silent, frowning slightly as he looked at Roman carefully.

He was sure he'd seen something odd on Romans face for half a second but it had gone before he even really knew what he'd seen.

Roman must have felt Virgil watching him because he sent him the usual smile but there was something else. Something... Off about it.

"What do you think Virgil?"

"huh?" Virgil tore his eyes away from Roman to look at Patton who quickly repeated his question. "I said we could go swim in the lake after we've eaten. Although we should wait twenty minutes after eating."

"yeah, sure. I mean you guys can but I don't know how to swim so I'll just sit on the shore and watch." Virgil said, mumbling the last part and flushing with embarrassment.

"It's OK Virgil, I can conjure you something to float on if you'd like." Roman said and Virgil shook his head.

"I'd rather stay on the shore." he muttered and Roman shrugged. "Alright no problem."

Once everyone had finished eating and waited the appropriate amount of time, Patton and Roman raced towards the water where they quickly changed into swimming trunks and started a splash fight.

Logan walked slowly towards the water with Virgil, neither of them feeling particularly comfortable in the imagination.

They stopped at the waters edge, watching as Patton and Roman splashed each other.

A wave of water suddenly drenched Logan who took his glasses off, cleaned them and then slowly put them back on to send a stern look at Patton who had his hands over his mouth to stop himself laughing.

"I'll get you for that." Logan said in a low voice before jumping into the lake and practically tackling Patton who squealed in surprise as he was dunked.

Virgil snorted as the usually serious trait seemed to embrace his inner child and started splashing around with the other two.

He watched them for a while and soon grew bored, his eyes drifting over the surrounding area until he noticed something off in the distance, in the shadow of a huge rock.

He glanced at the other three who were too busy play fighting to notice him and started to walk towards the large rock.

As he got closer he realised the strange object was a box that appeared to be made of wood.

He stopped quite a distance from it, unsure what exactly it was so he wasn't willing to risk getting too close. The downside to that was he didn't really see anything that hinted what the box was for.

Before he could so much as take another step closer to try and see if he could find some sort of indicative feature he heard Romans voice from right behind him, making him spin round in fright.

"I wouldn't go near that if I were you."

"w... Why? What is it?" Virgil stuttered, clutching his chest from where Roman had snuck up on him.

"It's the thing that broke the imagination last week. It took a lot to contain it because I couldn't find a way to completely destroy it. If you get too close you might accidentally let it out." as Roman spoke Virgil heard something scrabbling at the wood and he stepped away from the box in alarm.

"What is it?" Virgil asked again, his eyes locked onto the box, therefore missing the gleam of satisfaction in Romans eyes.

"It doesn't matter, we're heading to the castle now."

Virgil couldn't think of anything to respond so he allowed Roman to lead him away from the box.

The rest of the day passed with more of the same, the four of them hanging out, having fun, but that evening as they lay in a field stargazing, Logan quietly muttering the names of the constellations as he pointed to them, Virgil couldn't focus.

He was laying on his back with his eyes on the sky but his mind was still dwelling on the box.

In fact his mind had been focused on the box for the whole day but it was really starting to bother him now. He probably wouldn't have thought on it much if it hadn't been for the way Roman had sounded when he spoke about it.

Virgil lay there for several hours as he waited for the others to slowly drift off and when Romans snores finally started up he silently got to his feet and began the long walk back to the field where the lake and box had been.

Virgil stopped as he found himself in front of the box again and listened carefully.

There didn't seem to be any noise from the box so he took a step closer and crouched down, wincing as his knee clicked loudly.

It seemed as if the thing in the box had merely been waiting for a noise because once again there was scrabbling noises.

Virgil knelt right next to the box and frowned as he thought he heard a quiet voice over the scrabbling.

"Hello?" he asked and the scrabbling stopped.

There was a few seconds of silence before a weak voice responded. "V...Virgil? Is... Is that y... You?"

Virgil put his hand over his mouth in horrified shock. "Deceit? What are you doing in there?"

There was a muffled sob followed by a response. "R.... Roman. He... He put me in here."

Virgil went to reach out a hand to touch the box and then stopped. "How do I know you're really Deceit? You could be some monster that's trying to trick me into releasing it by convincing me Romans locked Deceit up."

"please.... Virgil... It's m... Me. The first w... Words I ever s... Spoke to you were.... Welcome to the mindspace... Keep your head down and... Never turn your b...Back on anyone unless you want to g... Get hurt."

Virgil felt slightly sick as he realised this was in fact Deceit and Roman had locked him up.

"dont worry, I'll get you out." Virgil said, wincing as he heard Deceit chanting the words "thank you" over and over again.

Virgil got to his feet and walked around the box, looking for a way to open it.

He noticed a small hole which was presumably only there for Deceit to be able to breath. He looked around and remembered the trees he'd sat under while eating the picnic and ran over to them to try and find a sturdy enough stick or branch he could use as a makeshift crowbar.

He went back over to the box when he'd found one and muttered "I'm gonna try and use a branch as a crowbar so keep still."

Virgil managed to pry one side of the box away enough that he could see inside by the light of the moon overhead and he inhaled sharply as he saw the state Deceit was in.

The snake faced trait was thin and weak looking and as soon as he realised the box was slightly open he pushed desperately at the side Virgil had been prying open but Deceit was too weak to be able to do much but make the wood creak slightly.

Virgil again started prying open the side of the box and there was a brief seconds pause before finally the side of the box gave way and Deceit immediately scrambled out of the box on his hands and knees.

Virgil was stunned as Deceit clung to him, sobbing and thanking him over and over.

"Hey, you're OK, I've got you." Virgil said in a hushed voice, wrapping his arms around Deceit and wincing at just how thin and fragile he felt.

He didn't know what to do. He wasn't cut out for this sort of thing and the fact Roman had done this was terrifying.

He needed help from someone who knew what they were doing.

Virgil gently pulled himself out of Deceits grip and carefully explained when he let out a whimper. "Don't worry, I'm going to go get someone who will know what to do, I'll be back in like five seconds, OK?"

Deciet nodded, his bottom lip trembling as he hugged himself.

Virgil quickly ran in the direction of the field where he and the others had been stargazing.

He resisted the urge to kick Roman in the head as he walked past and instead carefully made it over to Logan who he gently shook awake.

Logan opened his eyes and sat up with a frown but didn't say anything when he saw Virgil with his finger to his lips.

Logan looked down at Patton who'd fallen asleep right next to him and used sign language to ask Virgil what was going on so he didn't wake Patton.

Virgil blinked in confusion, his panic causing his brain to cut out slightly but he quickly replied using sign language that it was urgent that Logan follow him.

Logan frowned and gestured to the other two and Virgil shook his head frantically.

Logan shrugged and carefully got up, trying not to wake Patton who shifted slightly in his sleep but stayed asleep.

Virgil quietly lead the way back to where he'd left Deceit and when he was sure they were far enough a way from the other traits to not be heard, he broke into a run.

He ran over to the box where he'd left Deciet and the scaled trait immediately grabbed onto him, shaking and whimpering.

Logan froze, his jaw dropping as he saw the state Deceit was in. "What happened?" he said in a quiet voice and Virgils eyes flashed with anger.

"Roman locked him in that box. While you three were in the lake I spotted that box and walked over to it but before I could do anything except look Roman came over. He told me not to go near it because the monster that broke the imagination last week was inside. Said he'd had trouble trying to destroy it but he'd managed to contain. I asked what exactly it was and he changed the subject but the damn box was on my mind the whole day so, when you all fell asleep, I came out here to find out more. I crouched next to it and Deceit must have heard me because he started scrambling and trying to speak and eventually he managed to get through to me and prove it was in fact him and not some monster trying to trick me into freeing it. I pried open the box and decided I need your expertise because I'm not cut out for this sort of stuff."

When Virgil finished his explanation Logan had a matching anger in his eyes.

"I think it's safe to assume that Deceit must have been in that box for at least a week then and Roman was telling us the imagination was broken as an excuse so we didn't come across him. Although I am not sure why he deemed it OK for us to return again."

"I... It's because I l... Lost my voice from s... Screaming for help." Deceit whispered, tears running down his face as small sobs broke up his words. "he.... He said he was g... Going to leave me to slowly s... S... Starve and dehydrate because..... Because a quick d... Death was t... Too g...good for m... Me..."

Virgil let out a small angry growl at that and it was only because Deceit was clinging to him that he didn't go back to the field and let out his anger at Roman.

"We need to go get Patton. This situation will need all of us if we are to deal with Roman and we are not going to be able to keep this from Patton." Logan said and Virgil nodded to show he agreed, not trusting himself enough to speak because he didn't want to end up shouting.

Logan turned back to go get Patton while Virgil stayed with Deceit.

"I won't let him touch you and if he even looks at you wrong I'll scratch his eyes out." Virgil growled, holding Deceit in his arms and rubbing a hand up and down the crying traits back.

Logan eventually returned with Patton who took one look at the state Deceit was in and went into Dad Mode.

"We have to take him back to the mindspace immediately, get some food and water in him but not too much at once. We don't want to overload his body by flooding it with more food and drink than it can handle."

"What about Ro...." Logan started but Patton cut him off with a single look.

"Deceit is my main priority. Once he's taken care of we can talk about that but right now that's not important."

Patton scooped Deceit up into his arms and began carrying him towards the door of the imagination.

Logan and Virgil looked at each other for a second before quickly following.

They caught up to Patton as he walked into the main mindspace and once the door to the imagination had shut behind them Patton started shouting orders at the other two.

"Logan get him some water! Virgil make him some dry toast or something! Don't worry kiddo, you're going to be OK."

Deceit had shoved his face into Pattons chest and had his hands gripping his shirt tightly but the moral trait wasn't complaining.

He walked into his own room and set Deceit down on the soft bed, running his fingers through Deceits hair and murmuring comforting words to him as he waited for the other two to finish what they were doing.

Logan walked in with a glass of water with a straw in it so Deceit didn't have to try and tip it with his shaky hands, he just had to sip.

"Don't gulp down too much or you'll make yourself sick OK?" Patton said as he held the glass of water steady for Deceit.

Virgil came in with a plate of dry toast as instructed and put it on Deceits lap for him.

Deceit took a few sips of the water and immediately took a couple bites of the toast, still shaking but he let out a small sigh of relief as he finally filled his stomach for the first time in days.

The three traits watched as Deceit eventually began to drift off and Patton put the plate on the bedside table with the glass of water so it didn't get knocked onto the floor while Deceit slept.

Patton gestured outside and they carefully walked out into the hallway where Patton spoke in a hushed voice "Now tell me everything."

Logan and Virgil took turns explaining what they knew about why Deceit was in such a state and by the time they'd finished they had taken steps back from Patton who was very red in the face.

"half of me wants to lock the imagination door so he's trapped in there. But the other half doesn't want to sink to his level." Patton said in a forced calm voice.

"do you think we should go in and confront him or...?" Virgil started to ask but Patton immediately responded, cutting him off.

"No. The imagination is his realm, he'd have the advantage. We'll wait for him to come back to the main mindspace."

"so we sit and wait?" Logan asked

"yes."

Patton walked back into his room and took a seat next to the bed where Deceit was sleeping, leaving the other two to exchange worried but determined looks.

The three of them remained with Deceit for a few hours until they heard the sound of footsteps in the corridor.

Patton raised his head and the hand that had been gently stroking through Deceits hair stilled. He looked at the other two and they all stood up and walked out into the hallway, closing the door behind them so Deceit wasn't woken up.

They all stood with their arms folded as Roman walked into view and stopped several feet away.

"You look like you're posing for a boyband album cover." Roman said with a small chuckle that was almost normal but the glint in his eyes betrayed the fact he clearly knew why they were standing there like that.

"Why did you do it?" Logan asked in a hard angry tone when it became clear neither of the other two trusted themselves to speak just yet.

Roman grinned "It's my job as a Prince to protect you all. So that's what I did."

"the only thing we need protecting from is you and your stupid, stupid, flawed logic!" Virgil shouted.

Romans grin faded and it was replaced by a cold smile, his eyes flashing dangerously.

"You should be thanking me Virgil. After all he put you through before you came to us."

Virgil flinched backwards, tears filling his eyes "What he did? He did nothing! In fact he protected me from the other dark sides! And even if you'd trapped one of them in that damned box it wouldn't matter! No one deserves what you did!"

Roman scoffed. "Please, I was doing everyone a favour. We don't need him, he's the bad guy."

"That's exactly how you felt about me to begin with! And you were wrong! What if you're wrong this time too?" Virgil exclaimed in shock.

Roman smirked "I'm not. You only have to look at him to know he's a monster."

"Roman Sanders! You shut your mouth right now! As far as I'm concerned the only monster here is you! How dare you do that to him? How dare you lie to us? How absolutely dare you try and justify what you did by calling him the bad guy! You are not the same honourable, brave Prince I thought of as my child! You're malicious and cruel!"

Logan and Virgil flinched at Pattons loud harsh voice that seemed almost demonic from where it was booming and echoing around the corridor.

Roman took a step back in surprise before his face went red in anger. "How about you shut up Patton? You're always talking about some useless crap no one is interested in, you need to know when to keep your mouth shut and that no one cares what you say. You're so fucking annoying! You always get in the way and ruin everything with your stupid comments and puns!"

Patton gasped at Romans words, some of them hitting quite close to home, but he kept his angry expression on his face. "The 'useless crap' as you call it, is what I'm supposed to do! I do my job properly which is more than can be said for you Creativity! You're stepping out of your area by trying to 'protect' us. The protection of the mindspace falls down to Virgil, not you!"

Roman growled angrily as Patton referred to him as Creativity. "You want to talk about 'stepping out of areas'? What about you trying to control absolutely everything? Claiming to know what's best for Thomas when you're too stupid to know much of anything except how to throw together some stupid joke that no one finds funny. What do you have to say about that Morality?"

Patton let out an angry growl of his own. "Do not mistake my kindness and ability to see the good in everyone as stupidity! I do not step out of my area at all! As you said I am Morality! I know the difference between right or wrong and it's my job to keep everyone on the right side of things! That means you too! This whole situation is 100% wrong and if you don't back down I will be forced to do my job and make you see the error of your ways!"

Logan and Virgil had backed away, their eyes wide in shock and horror at how both of them were acting.

Roman let out another growl and suddenly his katana appeared in his hand. "I'm not backing down, come on dad, do your worst."

Patton eyed the katana for a split second but as Roman said the word dad in a taunting tone, something within him seemed to snap and he launched himself at Roman.

Romans eyes widened slightly at the pure rage on Pattons face but he quickly swung his katana at him.

It grazed Pattons arm but he didn't even acknowledge the pain as his hands grabbed Romans shoulders.

Virgil and Logan were frozen in fear and disbelief as they watched the two traits fighting it out.

Patton managed to knock the katana from Romans hands but Roman swung a fist instead and hit Patton right in the face, making Patton cry out in pain.

Logan, who'd been watching in shock, scowled as Patton stepped back from Roman clutching a bloody nose.

Roman didn't get a chance to react as he was tackled to the floor and found himself looking up at an infuriated Logan.

Virgil stood nearby trying to keep his breathing even and running his hands through his hair as he tried to think of a way to stop everyone fighting. None of this would end well for anyone.

"Stop!" he eventually shrieked and everyone froze, something he hadn't thought would work but he was glad it had as he was starting to hyperventilate. "Please just.... Just stop all of this!"

Patton walked towards Virgil, pushing away his anger at Roman to try and comfort Virgil.

Logan and Roman remained glaring at each other in an awkward anger filled silence, only broken by Virgils panting and quiet whimpering.

Eventually Logan removed himself from Roman and the two stood up, brushing off their clothes while still sending glares at each other.

"You've gone too far this time." Logan muttered, his eyes narrowed as he focused on Roman.

Roman sneered "I've barely even started. I'm going to make sure everything is exactly how it should be and if you don't agree I'll just have to make you agree."

Logan took a small step back as Romans katana reappeared in his hand again, his eyes widening as Roman pulled back his arm to swing the sword.

The sword swung forward and Logan managed to step backwards enough that it only left a long thin scratch on the arm he'd raised to protect himself.

"You've lost your mind!" Logan exclaimed, wincing at the scratch on his arm.

Roman grinned but there was nothing pleasant about it. "I'd like to think that I've finally gained clarity."

Virgil stared at Roman in horror and Patton opened his mouth to speak, a frown on his face.

"if you believe locking Deceit up in a box and leaving him to die or attacking Logan and me is right then you've truly lost it."

Roman scowled and angrily swiped his sword down, making Logan yelp as it caught him and tore his shirt, showing another long scratch that began to bead with blood.

Patton took a step closer, anger on his face. "Put the sword down!" he demanded.

Roman let out a low chuckle and suddenly thrust his katana forwards.

There was a cry of pain from Logan that caused Virgil and Patton to freeze in horror.

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[spacenerrrd]

Don’t Judge a Book by its Cover: Chapter 5

Sander Sides

Word count: 1,646

Characters: Patton/Creativity, Virgil/Anxiety, Patton/Morality, Logan/Logic

Warnings: Kinda a panic attack, please let me know if I've missed something xox

Summary: Logan runs a library in a small town, allowing him to share his love of books without feeling left out. His business partner and friend Roman helps by running the bright Disney themed cafe that attracts more people to stay for longer. The two clashing but somehow perfect match of a friendship went their days peaceful in their small community until one day a new pair of brother; Patton and Virgil, moved into town and showed the owners a new way of life.

Chapter five: Background

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4

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Tap.

Logan's nails were neatly trimmed, looking identical aside from size, which meant the taps sounded almost musical as it went from deep to high pitched. Every time it was the same pattern, tapping quickly beside each other with exactly a second break before the taps started again. He knew his mother would be disappointed, she always thought tapping was as bad as biting nails. But he couldn't help it. It kept him grounding, being able to hear the constant echoing of the surface being disturbed because of him. That he affected something, that he really did do something and wasn't just existing. Learning also did the trick. Getting lost in a book where he could learn about anything and everything made him felt important, especially when it was about space. He didn't like people knowing though. He didn't want them to think he was weird or had a problem. He didn't want to be forced to think that he did it because of his problem like his father told him. This didn't work though, when he couldn't help himself to correct people when they got something wrong or to rant about space for 10 minutes when someone said something as simple as “star”. It made it even more obvious when someone corrected him. He never took criticism well. Especially when he was known as the library owner who can tell you exactly what happens in every single book lined up on the shelves or the tutor who can tell you the first two hundred numbers of pi without a breath. He clutches his hand into a fist and has to physically bite his tongue until it starts to bleed for him to not argue that he was actually right. His world starts to spin and make him sick as he excuses himself to go in the bathroom and sob. He is hardly functional for the rest of the day and he gets no sleep to practice and practice and revise and revise what he got wrong to make sure it never happened again. Roman was the only person around who knew what happens when he got something wrong. He hated people thinking he had something wrong because he didn’t want anyone to think of him as anything different to the knowledge he was. So he tapped his fingers away to keep himself grounded when he couldn’t learn, to not lash out with the emotions he spent so long to keep buried. He tapped away to make sure no one would be able to know anything was wrong, to get rid of his worries through his fingertips, hoping the item being abuse by them would absorb his emotions.

Currently, he was tapping away as he was worried about Lucy. She had come in earlier than usual and went to grab a book that instantly turned Logan’s worries on. With the book Alice In Wonderland in her grasp, she sat down in the farthest corner of the library and hid her face behind it as she started to read. Logan knew that pose. It meant she wasn’t ready to talk about what happened. He couldn’t leave her though. He needed to keep an eye on her, especially when he saw the beaten knuckles holding tightly onto the book and the tears that covered her cheeks when she lowered the book slightly. He was standing there, waiting for the moment where she would put the book down and want someone with her. He needed to make sure he was there for her when it happened. Without knowing it, Logan had taken up a father figure in Lucy’s life and he needed to make sure he protected her at all costs.

“My golly Lo, what did the shelf do to deserve such a harsh beating from your fingers?”

Logan jumped, taking a step back from the shelf. He already could feel the ground leaving his feet as he couldn’t tap anymore. He cleared his throat, making sure no evidence that anything was wrong. “Nothing. I was merely standing here and tapping my fingers. Is there a problem with that?”

“Well of course not! It’s just that you look kinda lost.” Patton’s voice was full of worry and concern, which a friend was suppose to do when your face was becoming more pale by the second as stuff started to spin around you. But Logan just wasn’t use to having a friend yet.

“I, no I’m fine, I just… I need to go to… I got to-” he turned to Lilly but saw Roman already holding her as she seemed way calmer than before.

Wow, you can't even take care of her.

Can you do anything right?

Honestly you should just give up.

“Lo, what’s going on? Can I help?”

“Patton, no, stop!” Logan shouted at him, leaving Patton as well as the other two who heard in the corner as he ran off through the shelves.

Patton stood there, shocked and confused and feeling guilty. He didn’t notice he had started crying until Roman placed a hand on his shoulder and snapped him out of it.

“It’s been a long week for him. It’s not your fault though, I’m sure he’ll tell you soon.” Roman spoke softly, getting a small nod in response. “Come on, we’re going to read some Alice In Wonderland.” Roman walked Patton over to Lucy who was sitting in the bean bag corner. She looked up and gave a soft smile to Patton, it looking a bit strange with the tear stains on her cheek. They all sat down together, the sounds of their breathing and her broken voice reading the sixth chapter of the book calmed them all down.

Roman was doing a final check around the library before closing up. He had sent Lucy and Patton home, of course not before getting a flirt line in with Virgil and was cleaning the stray books from the shelves. Even though he assumed that no one was here, he knew that Logan would somehow find out that he didn’t check and he would rather not get in trouble by an agitated Logan in the morning. The door creaked as he opened it and when the sound of sobs filled his ears he realised that he didn’t see Logan leave earlier. He walked in properly and saw a pair of glasses, smashed like they had been thrown against the wall. He looked across to see Logan collapsed, slouched with puffy red eyes. Streams and streams of tears stained his cheeks and his hair was a mess. It looked like he tried to take off his tie but left it hanging loosely around his neck. “Oh god Logan.” Roman rushed to his side. “Can I touch you?”

Logan nodded, collapsing against him. He seemed almost dead, shallow breathing with tears silently falling. He didn’t reciprocate the hug that Roman gave him, he just needed to embrace the warmth that Roman gave off. Trying to follow Roman’s breathing, his eyes were starting to give into the exhaustion and he fell asleep.

Logan woke up. Feeling exhausted and eyes stinging whenever he tried to open them, he felt around to find himself in his own bed. Confused to how he got there, he picked up his phone to hope that Roman texted him about what happened. His breath got caught in his throat when the time read 3:46. He immediately opened his messages to text yell at Roman until he saw he already have a text from him.

‘dont flip your shit, ive got the library under control’ ‘i told the students you wouldnt be in but theres probably someone you want to explain some stuff 2’ ‘he was really worried’

Logan sighed, laying on his bed and thinking. Patton didn't deserve to be yelled at yesterday. He didn't mean to, he's just never had someone who….cared so much. Roman was the only exception, and he hated how he wanted Patton to know about him and cared. He hated it because he was starting to care for the man in the glasses and grey cardigan and his little brother. Logan groaned and got out of bed, throwing the most, and only, casual clothes he had. Leaving in sweats and a non professional hoodie, by the time he walked he arrived at the library it was already 4:57. Cursing himself for not being efficient with time, he open the door to run straight into someone's chest. “I apologize, I was thinking about- oh.” He looked up to see Patton staring at him with a smile.

“Hey Lo, I was so worried about you yesterday! Virgil knows, I was so scared something bad happened!” Logan looked around to see Virgil trying to hide his flustered face; Roman must've gotten to him again.

“Yes, I....I'm sorry about yesterday. I was wondering if….you wanted to stay after closing so we can….talk and 'hang out’ per say.”

Patton gasped. “I would LOVE that! We can watch movies and eat snacks and I'm sure Virgil will love to spend some more time with Ro!”

“Shut it.”

Logan actually smiled a little bit. “Well, I guess if you'll come in then, we can 'hang’ until it closes so we can, um, watch movies.”

They all sat in the bean bag corner, Mulan being projected against the wall. Roman was whispering stuff to Virgil that either made him giggle or go completely red and try to curl deeper into his hoodie. Logan leant against Patton's shoulder, not needing to reciprocate the side hug that he was given because Patton understood now. “Thank you….for staying.”

Patton smiled down at him. “Why would I leave? I love hanging with you.”

Logan smiled back. “I like hanging with you too.” He put his hand on Patton's leg and started to move his fingers.

Tap.

~~~

Sorry this took so long guys! I’ve been having kinda a hard time but now I’m on holidays so I should be able to get a new chapter (maybe) out soon!!

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