#i mainly wrote it last night as i was lying in bed

[lambtotheslaughterr]

Thoughts of the Past, Fears of the Future

A Rafe Cameron Oneshot

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 4.9k

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

OONA'S MASTERLIST

request for @starkeylvu

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all AI images are created from prompts i wrote. they are not real images.

Summary: Reader suffered a traumatic accident at the hands of her stalker. In wake of her attack, she returns to the world with no memories of the last year of her life. Determined to get her somewhere safe & back on her feet, reader's boyfriend, Rafe Cameron, brings her to his hometown. But reader's memories are returning sooner than later & the man whose face is blurred from that night is beginning to look a lot like the boyfriend beside her...

            Rafe Cameron was the foundation of everything you knew, & you meant that. When you woke up in the hospital he was the first face you saw. The doctors explained to you what had happened, & he held your hand the whole time.

            “You were attacked.” Your primary doctor revealed.

            “Your boyfriend,” he gestured to the handsome stranger sitting in a chair besides your bed, “reported you missing to the local authorities two days prior to you being found.”

            “Where was I found?” The voice that came from you didn’t sound like your own, It was hoarse, shaky, full of fear.

            “On the side of a road outside the city.”

            A brief flash of headlights blurred your vision & you held your head.

            “I think that’s enough for today.” Your boyfriend had said to the doctor.

            That was a month ago. Rafe had filled you in on the rest of the story.

            You had a stalker. There was no name or face that you could recall. But Rafe told you that in the weeks leading up to your disappearance that you revealed to him your concerns. He insisted on wanting to go to the police, at file a report so it was on record if your stalker ever crossed into dangerous waters, but apparently you had more faith.

            But your faith only landed you in the hospital. Rafe recited to you how on the night you disappeared you were supposed to be getting off from work late. Because of your concerns regarding your stalker, Rafe was to pick you up. But you had gotten off an hour earlier than planned & when you tried calling Rafe that night he had his phone on silence, missing your call. You assumed you would be safe enough to get home on your own. You couldn’t have been more wrong.

            Your stalker attacked you at some point between your work & home, & all of it was lost to you. Not just the nights you were taken, but the entire last year, including your boyfriend.

            You had no memory of the man who you called boyfriend.

            He said that the two of you had only been dating for seven months, having met at a work party. The relationship was casual at first—sex mainly—but eventually evolved into a full-blown relationship.

            That startled you when you first heard it. From what you knew about yourself, you weren’t a ‘casual’ kind of girl. In fact, you had only had sex once before & it was in college when you were young & naïve. Since then, you never really had another opportunity nor cared to seek one out.

            But Rafe recalled you having made the first move. He said that the two of you had been flirtatious all night but after a few drinks it was you who suggested going back to your place. That information alone was more than enough for you to handle.

            You grew angry towards Rafe, accusing him of lying to you because you knew that you had never once in your life being that kind of woman. You were a loner, always had been. Growing up in an orphanage had been a constant reminder that you were not wanted. It shaped your view of the world & made you a quiet person with a bitter surface. Whatever Rafe was feeding you tasted like shit & you called him out on it.

            It was only then that Rafe told you the truth: the real truth.

            “I’m sorry…” He hung his head low as he sat on the foot of your shared be. Apparently you two had moved in together rather quickly. After confessing your concerns about your stalker to Rafe, he moved in to be closer.

            “I have been lying…” You felt your face sour at his admittance.

            “But not for the reasons you think.” You hadn’t gotten that far in your own thought process: the why. But since he had mentioned, your thoughts ran rampant with that single question. Why?

            “You had it rough before, _____.” He began, looking solemnly into your eyes, “You were depressed, lonely, you were even shutting me out.”

            That made you frown but your suspicions had yet to disappear.

            “Our sex life wasn’t as great as I’m making it out to be. But we did have one.” Rafe sighed heavily, reaching for your hands which you reluctantly let him, “You weren’t the flirtatious, confident person I’m making you out to be, but I thought that if I made you believe you were you’d, I don’t know, feel better?”

            “Lying to me would make me feel better?” You pointed out.

            “I know, I know.” Rafe shook his head in shame, “I just didn’t know what else to do. It killed me seeing you like that every day. And then when you finally told me about the stalker… I felt helpless. You were getting worse. Not taking my calls, not answering your door, not even showing up to work. I thought the worst!”

            He blinked his eyes rapidly, & it was then you noticed his eyes had begun to water.

            “So, I insisted on moving in. You put up one hell of a fight, you did, but I had to, scared that if that creepy faceless fuck didn’t get to you that your mind would.”

            The room was silent for some time as you absorbed his words. You felt it was more accurate then the bullshit he fed you before but you still felt wary. Other than that, you had no real reason to question his role in your life. Police confirmed the call logs between your phone numbers, his clothes were strewn about your apartment, there was pictures of the two of you together on his phone—though those were few since you were always camera shy. You just didn’t appreciate him making you out to be someone you knew well-enough you weren.t

            “I just don’t want you to be as paranoid as before, it…ate away at you.”

            You inhaled sharply, “I’m always going to be paranoid. For as long as he’s out there not caught, I’m going to be paranoid. There’s no escaping him. I’m sure he’s watching us right now.”

            Rafe frowned at that, instinctively approaching the windows in your bedroom to peer outside. You were only on the second floor making it easy for anyone to peer in from below, as long as they were standing across the street.

            But Rafe had an idea then, one that although made you feel anxious, you couldn’t say ‘no’ to.

            “So, we’ll leave.” He sat beside you on the bench below your window, his arm thrown over your shoulders, “Come home with me. To my home in North Carolina.”

            Whoa. North Carolina? That was way off the beaten path. You had lived in the city your whole life. But in all honesty, what was keeping you there? You had no family to speak of, no friends, even your coworkers wouldn’t notice your absence. Besides, if you did stay, it would only be a matter of time before your stalker attacked you again, & there was no saying you’d be as lucky as you were the first time he took you.

            So, the plan was set. Rafe & you would be leaving the city & going back to his hometown. It took a month to get everything squared away. You were forced to end your lease early but they let you off easily given your circumstances. Then you put a majority of your possessions in storage, apparently not needing them where you were going. You quit your job & they were polite enough to throw a going away party, but you had been the first to leave. And then, before you knew it, you were in the passenger seat of your boyfriend’s truck heading out of the city & towards the coastline.

            Rafe had been right. The further you got from the city the better you felt. The long drive had been fitful in your sleep, still having minor images & flashbacks to what had happened to you, but nothing you hadn’t already told the police.

            “I don’t remember a face. Or anything, really.” Whatever your attacker had done to you had wiped your memory. Doctors had confirmed that you suffered some head trauma, but not the kind that usually affected the memory part of your brain. They suggested it was the trauma of it all that kept you from remembering, but ultimately concluded it was a mix of the two.

            But they had warned you that you may get images of the events that happened & if you ever saw something new, to inform the detectives handling your case immediately. The likelihood of your attacker being caught grew slimmer with every day that passed & you were the key to the case. As much as you dreaded any memories returning, you too wanted to see the man who hurt you put behind bars.

            “Hey.” Rafe’s voice made you jump, his hand reaching for yours in your lap, “You alright?”

            “Y-yeah.” You cleared your throat as you gazed outside of your window the urban cityscape long forgotten & traded by towering trees & plains.

            “We’ll be there within the hour.” His thumb brushed the back of your hand. You nodded, silently grateful for the change in environment. It was just what you hoped you needed.

            “It is so nice to finally meet you!” The blonde woman greeted as she pulled you into a hug, “Rafe never told us he was bringing someone special!”

            You felt yourself falter at that but recovered quickly as she pulled you away to look you over, her eyes dancing across your features before glancing at your mundane, practical clothing.

            “Because I knew I’d never hear the end of it if I ever mentioned her.” Rafe replied knowingly as he handed his bags & your one bag to a staff member of the house.

            Pulling into the driveway of Rafe’s childhood home had taken you by surprise. You imagined you knew your boyfriend came from money before you accident but Rafe had failed to mentioned it in the month you prepared to leave.

            The house was extravagant, timelessly beautiful & akin to its southern architectural charm. It had a million dollar view of the ocean & was filled with the light, warmth, & heart you imagined most family homes to be like. It was everything you never had, & Rafe’s step-mother, Rose, treated you immediately like one of her own.

            “It must’ve been a long drive, you gotta be exhausted.” She noted as she kept her eyes between the two of you.

            “Very.” Rafe confirmed as he placed his arm around your waist. “Is our room made up?”

            “Of course, we’re always ready for guests.”

            You smiled a thanks at her as Rafe led you to the grand staircase beyond the foyer.

            “Get lots of rest!” Rose exclaimed from behind, “We’re having a welcome back brunch in the morning.”

            Rafe grumbled at that, rolling his eyes. He said nothing until he led you into a bedroom overlooking the ocean.

            “Wow.” You breathed out, admiring the setting sun in the horizon, “Was this your room?”

            Rafe glanced around the room, “Once. Rose couldn’t wait to turn it into a guest room when I moved out.”

            “Mmm.” You stood by the windows, staring out, already feeling rejuvenated, “When was that?”

            Rafe dropped onto the bed, his arms outstretched as he kept his eyes closed, “When was what?”

            “When you moved out.” You crossed over to the bed, sitting on it with one knee propped, watching your boyfriend relax into the mattress.

            “Couple years ago.” He opened one eye, squinting up at you as the setting sun shined into the room, “Why do you ask?”

            You shrugged, resting your chin on your knee, “Just trying to get to know you. All over again.”

            Rafe smirked at that, rolling onto his stomach until his head was forcing your leg down so he could rest it in your lap. He peered up at you, “Let’s save that for later. I’m tired.”

            You pressed your lips together but nodded.

            “I’m really happy you’re here.” He whispered as his eyes fluttered close, “It’s about time you came home with me.”

            The brunch unnerved you to no end. Rose had came to your bedroom that morning with a dress she had went & bought earlier that morning. Rafe was already gone by the time you woke so you stayed in the bedroom, too awkward feeling to roam about his house where his family lived without him.

            “Oh, that really wasn’t necessary.” You told her but felt elated at the gift. Having grown up in an orphanage, you were not custom to gifts, at least not personal gifts bought with you specifically in mind.

            “Nonsense.” Rose batted away your reluctance, “I’m not as close to Sarah & Wheezie as I’d like to be, so this gives the chance to really have a daughter.”

            Rose smiled sweetly at you, gesturing for you to go to the en suite bathroom & try the dress on, “Well?”

            “Right.” You didn’t know how to say ‘no’, not used to receiving gifts, “Thank you, Rose.”

            “Of course, sweetheart.”

            She was much too young to be your mother but you still felt grateful towards her. From what little you knew about Rafe’s family, his mother had bailed when he & his siblings were young & his father dedicated most of his time to his business. Rose entered the picture only a few years ago & had desperately tried to make the family a family. You could tell that Rafe didn’t appreciate that aspect about her, often passive aggressively making comments about her, but you had never had a family. So, you welcomed it with open arms.

            You slipped into the dress, admiring it in the mirror. It was definitely nothing you would ever wear, let alone own, but it felt nice looking in the mirror & seeing someone who didn’t just dress is drabby, dark colors.

            You re-entered the bedroom & Rose, who had been sitting on a bench near the foot of the bed, rose with admiration in her eyes, “Oh my, don’t you look stunning!”

            “I don’t know about that.” You shifted awkwardly under her gaze. But she approached you nonetheless & began to inspect you closer.

            “Now, all’s we need is a little bit of makeup & some hair styling & you’ll take everyone’s breath away.”

            And so for the next thirty or forty minutes, Rose applied all sorts of make-up to your face & tussled with your hair until it was to her satisfaction. Once she was done, she peered proudly at you, “A totally new woman.”

            With that, she gently spun you around so you could face the mirror.

            Who you saw wasn’t you. Who looked back at you as you stared unbelievingly into the mirror was a brighter woman, a woman filled with content & light. She was everything you were not, but you enjoyed her sight.

            “What do you think?” Rose met your eyes in the mirror as she appraised her handiwork.

            “I think you’re a miracle worker.” You joked.

            She chuckled lightly at that, “I’ve always wanted a daughter of my own.”

            That was a random confession but you turned to her, “I always wanted a mother.”

            Rose’s face softened, nodding in understanding, “I hope you know that you have a family here. Rafe has kept you a secret all this time but I overheard him speaking with Ward this morning about how you were an orphan.”

            You lowered your eyes at that.

            “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Rose told you, “Though I was dealt a better hand in life than you were, I never felt like I belonged to a family until I met Ward. His kids give me a hard time & will likely never see me as their mother, but we’re a family. And now you’re a part of it, too.”

            You finally looked up at her, your eyes watering.

            “Don’t cry.” She teased, wiping at the sensitive skin under your eyes, “That eyeliner isn’t cheap.”

            The two of you shared a laugh before she inhaled with finality, “I left a pair of heels for you in the bedroom. Brunch starts any moment. Finish getting ready & we’ll see you down there, alright?”

            You nodded, steeling yourself against the sudden onslaught of emotions.

            “Rose.” You called after her as she made to exit the bathroom, “Thank you.”

            She simply smiled in return.

            Meeting the rest of Rafe’s family was not as endearing as your one-on-one with Rose. Ward Cameron, the matriarch, was kind enough but carried that urban coolness you were used to from city folk. Sarah was friendly but she cared little to get to know you. As for Wheezie, it was clear she didn’t want to be there in general. But everyone spoke amongst themselves & you were happy enough to just listen.

            Brunch took place on the rear patio of their house. Kitchen staff brought plates & cleared them, refilling glasses as they went. You weren’t too hungry but didn’t want to come off as ungrateful so you forced yourself to eat as the meal carried on. But the pleasant brunch began to take a turn for the worse when one of the staff members accidentally spilled Rafe’s mimosa onto his shirt.

            “Goddamnit!” He yelled, causing all the girls at the table, staff included, to jump in surprise.

            But it did more than just make you jump, it transferred you to a dark memory.

            “Goddamnit!” A voice wailed & you felt your heart racing. You scrambled to your feet & ran blindly through the trees.

            It was him, the man who had been following you. He snagged you off the street, the sweet smell of chloroform filling your nostrils as you struggled against him. You hadn’t seen his face, but when he deposited you into the backseat of his rig, his face finally appeared. It was blurred though as you slipped into unconsciousness.

            A sharp gasp escaped you as you leapt from your seat at the table. You were panting as if you had just been running & tears caked your cheeks.

            “_____, what’s wrong?” Rose frowned in concern.

            Rafe hissed but his focus quickly shifted to you, his eyes staring worriedly up at you.

            “_____?” He said, his voice sounding far away.

            “_____!” His voice hollered behind you as you tripped before rolling down a steep decline.

            When Rafe touched you though, you jumped yet again, this time away from him.

            You stared down at him wide-eyed. Was it…?

            “I’m sorry.” You shakily voiced, “I’m not feeling well all of a sudden..”

            Without another word, you turned away from the questionable look on the Cameron’s faces & raced inside, heading straight for the stairs. Once you got up there, you threw yourself into the room you shared with Rafe & collapsed against the door.

            Your back ached when you came to a stop at the bottom of the steep decline, having been slammed against the trunk of a tree. Panicked breaths escaped you as you moved to army crawl along the forest floor but froze when you heard him above you.

            “­_____!” The voice, his voice, yelled in search of you, “Don’t hide from me! I will find you!”

            But you lied still, deathly still to evade his searching eyes. It was too dark in the forest, not even a sliver of the moon in the sky to aid your attacker in finding you.

            A branch snapped followed by the flapping of birds wings sounded nearby. You listened as your attacker cursed quietly to himself & took off in that direction, the opposite direction of you.

            Now, you had to move now!

            But as you struggled to your feet, you whimpered & fell back down. Your feet were bare, sore & torn apart from running. But you couldn’t lie there, he would find you. With the remaining strength you had left, you crawled away from his last known position. But exhaustion was getting the better of you. Tears blurred your vision as you sought desperately for a way out.

            It wasn’t until you felt the soft, lumpy texture of the forest earth shift to a rough, flat surface that you finally lifted your head. You were on the side of a road. And in the distance, a pair of headlights. You felt yourself collapse against the pavement, your hand outstretched.

            An engine grew closer until it stopped near you. Doors were thrown open & panicked voices sounded.

            “Call 911!”

            You choked back sobs as you covered your mouth with your hands, the memory of you being found filling the gaps.

            A knock sounded on the door against your back, followed by your boyfriends voice.

            “_____?”

            “_____!”

            It was him. The man who attacked you… it was Rafe.

            Rafe eyed you from across the foyer, his expression unreadable as a few police officer’s & detectives stood between the two of you.

            Before Rafe had the chance to console or question your sudden burst during brunch, you had locked yourself in the en suite bathroom & called the number that was given to you by the detective handling your case.

            You didn’t leave the bathroom until they arrived, despite Rafe’s plea’s for you to come out. The detective had contacted the local authorities in the area you were currently in to dispatch to your location until he could arrive. When he finally had, it was late afternoon. Only then did you emerge from your tiled cave.

            Rafe wanted to approach you immediately, concern & mild anger gracing his features, but police officer kept the two of you separate as the detective led you from the second floor to the main.

            “You can use my office.” Ward had offered, his eyes hard as he watched you disappear within.

            Once you & the detective were safe & alone, you revealed to him everything. Your memories, Rafe’s voice in them, how you had no relatives or friends to even confirm his identity of being your boyfriend despite what the police already secured for you.

            He listened intently & without dismissal as you fearfully panted, “Please, get me out of here!”

            He nodded then but it was followed by a frown, “I’m afraid, Miss. _____, that the man who attacked you was not your boyfriend, Rafe Cameron.”

            “What?” You returned exasperated, “But I just told you—”

            “I know, Miss. _____, I’m not dismissing what you’re saying. I’m just informing you that we found the man who took you.”

            What? You faltered at that, frowning deeply before shaking your head, “No, no, then you got the wrong man!”

            You hissed but attempted to keep your voice low, “Rafe took me! I remember!”

            “But you said you didn’t see his face in the memory. Just his voice?”

            “Well, yes, but the rest will return. As far as his voice is concerned—”

            “When you memory does return, you’ll find that the face of the man who took you is this one.”   

            The detective pulled out a piece of paper on it before handing it to you. You flashed your eyes to his before accepting it. On the paper he gave you was an arrest report, the mugshot of a man in his mid-30’s in the top right corner.

            “His name is Jay Shelton, this is the man who took you.”

            But you shook your head, staring at the unfeeling eyes of the man in picture. There was no inkling, no gut wrenching at the sight of his face, no voices in your head screaming at you ‘that’s him, that’s him’! There was no bodily response, conscious or otherwise.

            “How do you know?” You questioned, your voice firm.

            “Because.” The detective eyed you, “He confessed a few hours ago.”

            “He--?” It didn’t make sense.

            “He confessed to everything, Miss. _____. Stalking you, keeping track of your routine, following you home, we even found a few of your possessions in his apartment. He revealed details of your kidnapping that we never told you about. This is the man.”

            “No, but—” But your memories.

            “I’ve been in this field a long time, Miss, & I hope it brings you some sort of comfort when I tell you that thinking the person who hurt you is someone close to you isn’t unheard of. There was a case a few years ago in Florida where a woman suffered amnesia, much like your case, & was convinced that her memories were filled with her father having attacked her.”

            “But it wasn’t her father?” You frowned.

            “No. To my understanding, the mind—when in the process of healing itself—will cling to the faces we know in an attempt to fill in gaps of the memory.”

            “But I didn’t see his face in my new memories. I heard his voice & it was…”

            “The same theory applies. Audio, visual, it’s all the same. What your brain is trying to do is give you answers. And in this case, the answer it clung to was your boyfriend’s.”

            You hung your head, emotions of all sorts racking your mind.

            “I can’t imagine what it is you’re going through, but I hope you know that the man out there, who you are convinced hurt you, was at the police station every day until you were found. Only leaving when we forced him to, but he would always come back.”

            Unshed tears blurred your vision.

            “So, Jay Shelton… what happens now?”

            “Now that we have a confession it’ll go through the judicial system.”

            “And I’ll have to be present for that.” You confirmed without question.

            “Most likely. It’ll take your testimony to get him longer time. A confession can always be recanted.”

            You nodded, “So, I panicked for nothing?”

            “Not for nothing. When I left the city to come here I was prepared to arrest your boyfriend, but I got the call about Shelton halfway here. You did what you thought was right & no one will fault you for that.”

            You deadpanned at that, “Except for my boyfriend & his family.”

            The detective sighed but reassured you, “They’ll understand. Especially once we explain everything to them.”

            “We?” You flickered your eyes to his.

            “From the sounds of it, you’ve been on your own most your life. And with this scary event having happened to you, I think you could use some support in facing your boyfriend. So, we’ll do it together.”

            “Together.” You grinned unsurely at that, but nodded your thanks.

            “Are you ready?”

            “As I’ll ever be.”

            It was late by the time you & Rafe returned to your room for the night.

            The night had been long & hard.

            The detective stayed true to his word & assisted you in telling Rafe & his family what happened. Most understood, your boyfriend included, but the same couldn’t be said for Ward.

            “Nothing like cops coming to my house in the middle of the day for our neighbors to see my son being accused of kidnapping.”

            His reaction had hurt you but Rafe hugged you against him, “Dad. She was scared.”

            Ward ignored his son but the detective had your back. You apologized profusely to Rafe’s family & Rose, much to your relief, hugged you. Ward was still upset & departed to his office for the rest of the night, but Rafe reassured you that he would get over it in time.

            But as you two got ready for bed, you felt most sorry to Rafe. After all, he had done everything in his power to make you feel safe & even brought you home to his family, & then you had accused him of being the man who attacked you, of lying & manipulating you the entire last month. Fortunately, Rafe didn’t blame you, but Jay Shelton.

            “At least he’s behind bars, now.” You added. And Rafe sighed with relief.

            “At least.”

            You went to bed shortly after, falling into a mostly undisturbed sleep. But at some point in the night, you felt yourself wake. Your lids were heavy, your muscles more so. It felt like a dream as you attempted to lift your head but you were much too delirious to do so. Rafe had given you some of Rose’s sleeping pills & you imagined this was one of the effects of them. But as you felt yourself slipping back into unconsciousness, you heard a pair of voices.

            They were far, at least further from your room. As you tried to narrow in on them in your sluggish mind, you felt as if they were right outside the bedroom door. And you recognized both voices, at least you thought you did.

            “That is the last time I cover your ass.” A harsh voice sounded. You frowned in your lethargic state, thinking it sounded like Ward’s.

            “It won’t happen again.” That one sounded like your boyfriend’s, but their voices began to grow further away as darkness lined your vision yet again.

            “It better not. Because then next time, you’ll be forced to finish the job you started back in the woods.”

            Your heart pulsed & panic gripped you but the feelings quickly evaded your consciousness. Sleep awaited you, the drugs working you hard. And as you slipped back into a deep sleep, you felt relieved that you would wake to Rafe, to Rose, to a family you never had.

this is 9/10 requests from my 500 followers celebration request opening!

i hope @starkeylvu who requested this one shot is happy<3 please let me know your thoughts.

as always, comments, reblogs w reviews, & asks are encouraged & always welcome.

thank you for reading!

oona<3

Read this post on why doing more than liking a tumblr writers work is essential to our content creation.

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taglist: @jsrafesgirl @bunnycvnts @ditzyzombiesblog

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[akutasoda]

please, can I request for angst no comfort (if you’re uncomfortable doing that it’s alright!) with Dan Heng? I think being on tumblr changed me? I crave so much angst now😞

or! If youre not in the mood, may I suggest fluff with Seth (ZZZ) or Heizou (GI) I BARELY see any Seth fics, only two on here, my bbg need more love than this! 🥺

thank you, I love your works!

-anon🧅

nightmares that bleed into reality

synopsis - his nightmares were frequent but now they seemed to hurt more than just him.

includes - dan heng

warnings - gn!reader, slight fluff, angst no comfort, arguments, wc - 575

a/n: as mentioned before, i wrote the seth one and posted it separately prior!!

it had been a more peaceful day on the express.

eventually, the tranquil day bled into the serenity of night that befell the train. everyone had resigned to their respective rooms which included you and dan heng. most days you would retire in your actual designated room, but occasionally you would join dan heng in his.

well, it was the data bank and so you only really started joining him when he fulfilled his promise of getting something a little more comfortable as a bed. you weren't asking much, just something more than pillows and blankets strewn across the hard floor, which was mainly solved by a roll mat or something similar.

simple conversations soon turned into hushed whispers as to avoid waking any other passengers - not that it was easy to. it wasn't too long until you both ended up lying side by side, legs entangled, and slowly drifting off into serene slumber. the express finally became cloaked in an entire veil of silence.

one that didn't last long. everyone was asleep. and yet, dan heng started tossing and turning. his mind was being tormented by violent visions. memories that didn't belong to him flashed through his mind, holding so much pain and suffering that it caused unease to settle in his mind.

you both knew it wasn't unusual for dan heng to have nightmares. they were the main reason that he didn't want to start sharing a room with you. dan heng feared that if he woke up, he'd wake you up and burden you with his problems - it was a common fact that dan heng didn't get much sleep because of them, he didn't want it rubbing off on you.

at first, it wasn't an issue. sure he did wake you up occasionally but it didn't take you long before you found says to help him calm down. dan heng actually found his nightmares more manageable with you around. whether that was because you helped him ground himself or simply because of your presence.

but tonight was worse.

he went through his usual tossing and turning before shooting up in a cold sweat. immediately you were woken up and it only took you a few seconds to realise he'd been shaken up by another nightmare.

you called out his name gently, sleep still heavily laced in your voice. unfortunately, dan heng was still caught up in what transpired in his nightmares. he couldn't recognise that you were beside him, that he was in the data bank. no. he thought he was in danger, and that you weren't who you were.

so he snapped. dan heng scrambled to push you away and pointed his spesr at you. you froze in pure terror.

it was only when his sleep muddled brain started clearing that he recognised you. the pure fear in your face that made his heart ache. dan heng was ashamed of himself. he shakily dropped his spesr and shakily moved away, what if he hurt you? what if he did something worse?

you couldn't even get a word out before he was asking, begging, you to leave.

taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn

[elvenbeard]

Not me absolutely bingeing through the last 40 hours of Cyberpunk 2077 over the last 3 days, nope. I was actually shaking before starting the final questline, because there were so many FEARS about what might happen at the end (probably as much as V was shaking himself :’D)

All I knew was, there are several endings, some are better, some are worse, but zero specifics. In some regards, what I imagined, was a lot worse, in others it was exactly what I imagined, in other bits it was a lot worse than I expected but in a bittersweet kind of way?

I’m not 100% happy with the ending I got, but mainly due to a lack of hyper-specific dialogue choices I would have wished for during the ideal ending in my head XD But for my V I think it was the best outcome and also fitted him and his choices. So yay! My heart was a little bit cracked, but not ripped out in the way other games have done it with their endings (*side-eyes Mass Effect 3*), because I feel like my choices did matter overall.

MASSIVE Spoilers under the cut, so if you haven’t completed the game yourself, do not read!!!

I got the Sun ending! V lives, somewhat, yay xD

One of my biggest fears and worst case scenarios I was imagining was in relation to Jackie actually. I had the outcome that Arasaka took his body after the Coup (will do that differently next time though, now that I know of the alternatives... yes I read up so much stuff on the wiki tonight after finishing, finally xDD). So when Takemura tells you this, Arasaka took his body, probably put him through Soulkiller, etc. my immediate thought was “holy shit, please don’t let him show up in some evil twisted way during the ending just to have me suffer” (but also, that would have been so good XD). Didn’t happen though, thankfully xD

I was on quite good terms with Johnny actually, which I did not expect to be at all, see also my previous rants on the topic XD Letting him take the wheel scared me probably just as much as V, and his “just talking to Rogue about Adam Smasher” night of escapades didn’t really help ease that anxiety xD I’m not sure if I had high enough friendship for the secret ending, but I will reload my save to try (but will not attempt that ending til my next playthrough, bc admittedly, my V isn’t built for a suicide mission xD)

What made me the saddest about the Sun ending really is that V isn’t really that present or happy (for obvious reasons, of, you know, STILL impeding death), and that his relationship is suffering under it. But I like to imagine, given the slight open-endedness of that ending (ha), if someone can pull that final mission off, it’s V, and that Mr B. will be able to help him, and he’ll get some well deserved rest and happily ever after. Already wrote a whole fic in my head lying up wide awake in bed for three hours XD What I probably loved the most about the Sun ending is V’s penthouse XD It’s weird, I know, but I often started or ended my gaming sessions in his flat looking out of the window. So everytime I booted up the game I look out and see that nice lush garden and cool architecture across the street and think “man, whoever lives there has made it, wonder if I can go there myself at some point later”. Yes, I can!! It made me cry out loud once I figured out where that penthouse was xD Also, what kind of made the ending for me a lot, in terms of, “what fits my character best” was the ride in the AV to the Afterlife mirroring my corpo V’s ride in the AV to Lizzie’s in the very beginning super well (I have zero clues about the Streetkid and Nomad prologues - no spoilers in the comments please! - but maybe there’s a scene like that in those, too). But yes, the circle of life and all, you know *strums guitar*.

I didn’t expect Johnny to grow on me as much as he did during that last stretch of the game, and him having to go for V to get a final chance at living did make me really sad. I still don’t think I’d be able to go down the alternative route where he is the one to walk out of the tower. Waaay too attached to V by now, sorry Johnny xD But you’ll never be forgotten, and I mean in a way legends never die. And maybe it’s not the last Night City ever saw or heard of him.

What else... the other main story characters! I think what annoyed me a little bit was that sliiiight railroading into Panam’s romance, when you’re just wanting to be nice. I enjoy her as a character a lot, because she’s loud and unapologetic, but also has a really sweet and soft side about her. I like the Aldecaldos very much, too. But when I notice I’m being railroaded it’s a hard pass for me, sorry xD

Then Judy... Judy is love, Judy is life. Her final quest was one of my favourites, and the one apart from the ending the quest that made me cry the most, probably. I love that she stays in contact with a befriended V even after leaving the city. The little updates, how happy she is now that she left the city behind, are really really lovely. Also, I love her texting style XD *types one line then hits send, rinse and repeat* - because I tend to do that too. Also, from the moment she mentions she goes diving I wished she’d take V along at some point - so when she calls about it I again screamed irl about it XD Oh, Judy... I have a female V in my head for you, but no idea when I’ll get to play her XD

I would have wished for something similar with River, him keeping in touch a bit more, because I loved his (messed up) storyline a lot, and I would have loved a few more interactions afterwards! I think I need to space it out more next time to have more of him xD

Then Kerry, another heavy case of “is love, is life” omg. His questline was the perfect mix of feels and fun like *chef’s kiss*. Same with River kind of, I wish there had been even more quests with him, but since you only meet him very late in the game it still felt like you had a chance to get to know him better with not too much else going on simultaneously. And him being more involved in the main story than River, too! For his final quest, the beginning of the boat tour was one of the best scenes in the game for me, like oof... Got me really really emotional actually. And then... CARNAGE!! I loved it, love Kerry, 100000/10.

Then Takemura... man, you know, it’s a crime he’s not a romance option, but in hindsight, knowing his possible fates now, I think that might have actually killed me. I’m tempted to go down the Arasaka ending route just once for the sole reason to get more Takemura time really. Fuck everyone else on that path with a corkscrew XD But yes, A+++ character design with him, complex, layered, relatable (esp. for my Corpo V), foodie, but also absolutely blind when it comes to his loyalties and honor. All with good reasons, but aaahhh... let me fix him!! Let me change him!! XDD  Also he had the best first appearance of any of the main story characters imo! Epic badass.

But yes... what a fucking blast that was. Can’t wait for a replay with some slightly better choices here and there, trying the other lifepath quests, trying some different endings maybe, and skilling my V better XD There’s so many options to skill them, it’s insane, but knowing my fighting style (or not fighting - stealth ftw!)  much better now and what the max level roughly is I think I can make more informed choices. Really looking forward to a replay - also with a lot less anxiety now, and a little bit of faith in complex, bittersweet endings finally restored XD

[jamiewintons]

I'll be here to hold your hand (Helmut Zemo/Reader)

Summary: Zemo takes you to the Sokovian memorial.

Warnings: Hurt/comfort, fluff, Zemo cries a lot.

A/N: This is the first ever fic I’ve written for Zemo, Marvel, and Character/Reader, so please bear with me. This is essentially just what I thought about when I watched the scene with Zemo at the memorial in the latest episode, but this is set at an unspecified later date. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 711

AO3 link

*

You shoved your hands into the pockets of your jacket, not used to the Sokovian cold, and followed Helmut as he walked. The trip from where he’d landed his private jet hadn’t been very long, but it felt like an eternity since it had been conducted entirely in silence. You didn’t like it, but you weren’t going to push him to make conversation. This wasn’t going to be easy for him.

Finally, you stopped in your tracks before a large stone monument, on which was carved the faces of some people and some words in Sokovian you couldn’t decipher -- Helmut had been teaching you how to speak his native language with some great success, but you weren’t at skilled when it came to reading and writing.

Once you’d cast your eyes over the monument, your attention turned to Helmut. He was staring at the memorial like he was staring into space, but you knew better. He was thinking about the past, about his father, his wife, and his sweet little son -- the family that had been torn away from him and caused him to do many, many awful things. He told you often that he hadn’t felt like he had anything to live for anymore before he’d met you, making you cry almost every time. But though you’d brought light back into his life, you couldn’t entirely take away the pain that the loss of his family had caused him. You never stopped trying, regardless.

For a few moments, everything was silent -- even the wind didn’t seem to be blowing -- until you heard a strange noise coming from Helmut, sounding like he’d been punched in the stomach. It was a sound that you’d heard before, usually in the middle of the night when Helmut woke up from one of his occasional nightmares. You noticed his legs begin to give out from under him, and you immediately rushed to him, wrapping your arms around his waist to hold him against you.

“Everything’s alright, Helmut, I’m here,” you whispered, bringing a hand up to stroke his hair softly, something that always managed to calm him down. He buried his face into the collar of your jacket, and you could feel his body shaking slightly with his nearly silent sobs. “I’ve got you...”

“I wasn’t there,” Helmut told you, his voice quiet and strained, struggling to get the words out through his tears. He paused to take a few deep breaths before speaking again, “I failed them, Y/N, I wasn’t there when they needed me...”

He shifted slightly so he could look up at you, his deep brown eyes wide and filled with tears. Seeing him look like that broke your heart, and you nearly burst into tears as well, but you forced your sadness down. You wanted to be strong for him, like he’d been for you on so many other occasions.

“What... what if I fail you too?” He asks, and you hold him even tighter, squeezing your eyes shut to keep the tears inside. Hearing the usually confident Helmut sound so broken and vulnerable was like a dagger in your heart. “If anything ever happened to you, I wouldn’t be able to--”

“Helmut, you didn’t fail them, there was nothing you could have done.” You moved a hand up to touch his cheek, wiping away the falling tears gently with your thumb. “And you won’t fail me, either, okay? You don’t have to worry. We’ll both take care of each other.”

Helmut stared at you for a moment, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly like he always did, searching your face for anything that indicated you doubted what you had said. He didn’t find anything.

You leaned in to place a feather light kiss on his cheek, and heard him exhale a contented sigh. “I love you so much, Helmut.”

“I love you too.” Helmut took both of your hands in his, holding them like you were the most precious thing in the world. “What did I ever do to deserve you, meine Schatz?”

“You’re just lucky, I suppose.” You give him a soft little smile, aiming to lighten his mood after all of that emotional exertion.

“Oh, I know I am, Y/N.”

[ticketstomydaydreams]

5:3666

(All We Have: Part Two)

Part One

Colson x Female Reader

Summary: You and Colson fall into a night time studio routine when he starts keeping you company through your insomnia and you decide to work though some past demons

Word count: 3,200 (ish, I lost count editing)

Feels: Fluff with a dash of past trauma

Warnings: Drug & alcohol consumption, domestic violence, cursing, Colson being so sweet it almost makes your teeth hurt

Companion playlist:

Machine Gun Kelly - 5:3666

Warren Zevon - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

The Vamps - All Night

Halsey - You Should Be Sad

A/N: If you've been affected by anything in this story, please know you're not alone. My inbox is always open and I'm all ears 🖤

______

During the first couple of weeks of moving in, you’d been partying A LOT. The guys wanted to show you just how mad it got, breaking you into their chaotic household, blending the days together. Everyone was hyper and the house was buzzing with energy. You'd been so exhausted from all of it that you'd been all but passing out each night, but you couldn’t lie, it was great fun.

You’d tried to pass on a few nights but Colson would never hear of it, often forcing you out of your room to get involved as the house was filled with people, jam sessions taking place in between drinking games. It was a far cry from your usual homelife, your last housemate mainly kept to themselves so your place was normally pretty chilled. Colson had used your place as a quiet escape over the years, but it seemed you wouldn’t have the same set up extended to you here with this lot.

With the pandemic unfolding, the house had started getting quieter, less people in and out every night and everyone was settling into a lazier way of life. The gang were mooching around the house throughout the day and while the house was still lively at night, it wasn’t quite the party central you’d almost started getting used to. Your normal working routine went out the window as everyone had started working from home mainly and without your daily routine, followed by nights out partying, your insomnia was back with full force.

______

You were lying in your bed, trying to force sleep on yourself but after trying to nod off for a couple of hours, you accepted defeat and got back up. Throwing some sweats on and one of Colson’s huge hoodies (you’d been slowly sneaking them out of his closet, finding that the masses of material drowning your small frame were super comforting), you headed down to the kitchen, turned the stove on and filled the kettle up. You were scrolling through your phone when you heard footsteps on the tiled floor. Colson strolled into the kitchen looking disheveled in a white tank top and boxer shorts, hair ruffled and looking sleepy

“Dude, it’s 3am how come you’re up?”

“Couldn’t sleep, living that oh so fun insomnia life again” you sighed “Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep either and heard someone moving about so thought I’d come down” He replied, climbing onto one of the breakfast stools

“Yeah, I think it’s not having much of a routine. Hate lying in bed staring at the ceiling so just got up. You want a cup?” you offered, pointing to the chamomile tea you were brewing

“Sure, thanks” he says, taking the steaming mug from you

You sit down at the breakfast bar with him and start chatting, scrolling through instagram as you do. After about an hour, as you’re talking about an article you’re reading, you notice Colson doesn’t respond and you look to your right and see he’s fallen asleep, leaning on his hand, his mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey, sleeping beauty” you whisper, rubbing his back with your hand “Go to bed”

He slightly jolts at your touch, opening his eyes “Nah man, I’m keeping you company”

“Some company” you laugh softly “pretty sure you just slept through all my rambling there”

He leans against your shoulder, closing his eyes again “Hey, at least you’re not sitting here alone. That’s something right?”

“That’s true” you smile, leaning your head against his “You’re very appreciated, do you know that”

You gently push him upright and stand up “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’m pretty tired myself, so you’ve definitely helped”

He’s laid his head down on his arm on the counter, his breathing getting heavy immediately so you pull his other hand making him stand up. He stands up and puts his arm around your shoulder as you walk towards the stairs, your legs feeling heavy as you climb each step, carrying some of Colson’s weight as he sleepily walks with you

Once you’re standing outside your bedroom doors, he pulls you in for a hug

“Night kid, don’t be wandering around bored if you can’t sleep yeah? Just come get me. Nothing worse than sitting up alone at night…”

“Will do. Thanks Col” You squeeze him a bit tighter as he kisses the top of your head

“Night” you smile, as he let’s you go and turns and heads into his room, waving his hand up behind him

Undressing and crawling into bed, your eyes feel heavy as your head hits the pillow. Colson was right, insomnia was a much less lonely experience with a friend.

______

Of course, as is always the way after your sleepless nights, you sleep in super late the following day meaning the cycle continues and you find yourself wide awake as the witching hour approaches. Feeling restless in your bedroom, you get up, and decide to head downstairs and out into the studio because you figure you might as well put this time to good use. You settle into a chair with your acoustic guitar and started playing, stopping and starting as you figure out a melody, working your latest lyrics in with it

“I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest. Got no anger, got no malice…”

“I thought I told you to come get me if you couldn’t sleep”

You almost drop your guitar as you hear Colson’s voice behind you, “Jesus, how are you such an enormous human but you still manage to creep up on me all the time?”

“Just a stealthy motherfucker I guess” He laughs, flopping into the chair next to you

“Whatcha working on? That sounded sweet, keep playing…”

Colson knows you sometimes get a bit self-conscious with people watching you sing, so he lights his joint, rests his head on his hand and closes his eyes. You smile as you see what he's doing, thankful he always understands what you're like.

You turn back to your notepad, reading over your lyric outline quickly before repositioning the guitar in your lap and resetting the metronome

___

‘I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice, Just a little bit of regret

No, nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out and then I'll be on my way

No, you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs, and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

Oh, I feel so sorry, I feel so sad

I tried to help you, it just made you mad

And I had no warning about who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down

And then ran so fuckin' far, that you would never ever touch me again

Won't see your alligator tears

'Cause, no, I've had enough of them’

___

“Man, that was beautiful Y/N. I got some chills right there…You just wrote that?”

“Nah, it’s something I dug up from ‘back then’. Been going through some old lyrics and samples while we’ve got all this time on our hands. It’s kinda cathartic to go over some of that stuff now there’s a bit more distance you know”

______

A couple of years ago, you’d been stuck in a really toxic relationship with your ex, Stevie. Your time with him had been a tornado of arguments, drugs and the constant heartache of him cheating on you. Every time you’d get close to having the strength to leave, you’d always cave in and the mess would continue with you losing a bit of yourself each time you stayed. You’d become pretty used to his violent outbursts, he had always been controlling and short tempered, often pushing you and throwing stuff around your apartment. Despite his own frequent infidelity, he flew into a jealous rage with you constantly.

He’d always hated Colson, despite him being one of your best friends, and while he’d play nice to his face you’d always get it in the neck once you were alone about how you and Colson were ‘too close’ and he ‘didn’t trust him’. Before that final night you’d spent with him, things had been pretty good with the two of you for a few weeks, there hadn’t been much drama and so you hadn’t thought too much of inviting him out with you and the gang for a night out clubbing. Your good run had clearly come to an end, when you felt his hand grab your arm tightly and drag you off the dancefloor where you’d been dancing with Colson. You’d been bundled into an uber so quickly, you hadn’t even managed to get your handbag from inside. You saw Colson running out of the club, followed by Rook and Slim who was holding your bag, as the cab pulled away.

Once you were back at the apartment, he flew into a rage. You’d never seen him this bad before, his eyes were dark and when you tried to argue back, calling his jealousy ‘pathetic’ he snapped. He’d grabbed you by the throat and slammed you against the wall, “Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again” he’d spat in your face, before striking you so hard with his fist that the skin across your cheek split open. It was as if his actions had knocked him back to reality, he’d let go of you and you ran to your bedroom, locked the door behind you and started packing a bag. He hammered on the door, begging you to open it and you could hear that he was crying. You looked around for your phone before you remembered you’d left it at the club. Desperate to get away, you opened your laptop and brought up instagram, managing to send Colson a message asking him to send you an uber to his house straight away. You’d thrown your laptop and a few more bits in your bag, the battery dying before you had a chance to wait for a reply, before pulling the bedroom door open and barging past Stevie. He’d tried to grab you, but you’d finally had enough “Never fucking touch me again” you spat, pushing him off you. The hatred in your voice rooted him to the spot and he said nothing as you walked out, the door slamming behind you.

Once you were outside the apartment building, the reality of what had just happened and the situation you were in started to wash over you. You had no phone, no wallet, your laptop was dead. Just as you were starting to seriously panic, an uber pulled up and Colson had leapt out of the backseat. You’d been in total shock and had just let Colson guide you into the cab and then out into his house, up to his room. He didn’t say anything as he led you to his bathroom and lifted you up onto the counter. He grabbed a flannel and soaked it with warm water, rinsing it out before pressing it softly against the cut on your cheek, gently wiping away the blood that had mixed with your mascara laced tears. The tenderness of his actions was almost too much and you started to sob again.

“Hey, hey. Y/N, look at me” he said softly, lifting your chin so you looked at him, his blue eyes misty themselves “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Don’t move, I’ll be back in a sec”

He left the bathroom and returned with a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Putting them on the counter next to you, he crouched down and undid the straps on your heels, slipping them off your feet and then helping you down from the counter. “I’ll leave you to change”

When you came out of the bathroom, Colson was lying in his bed “Come here” he said, holding his arm and beckoning into his side. You crawled under the covers next to him and snuggled into him, his long arms wrapping around you.

“Col…” you said quietly

“Yeah?” he whispered back, stroking your hair off your forehead

“Thank you…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ve always got you Y/N”

______

“I hated that fucking guy. That night...I wanted to kill him after what he’d done to you”

You see him tense up at the memory and you lean over and squeeze his knee “You’re such an amazing friend, do you know that. I don’t know what I would’ve done that night without you”

"You're a fucking warrior Y/N, you'd have handled your shit. I was just happy you trusted me enough to let me be there for you. You deserve so much better than that" he says, covering the hand you'd placed on his knee with his, staring you in the eyes and returning the smile that's crept across your face

"You know there's been a few punches I've wanted to dole out on behalf of you over the years, but you've never let me" you tell him

"Too right I'd never let you. I never want you in the drama, you're too good for getting caught up in that shit" he replies, pointing at you with mock sternness

"Hey" he says, seeing your expression wash over with a tint of sadness "At least the sleepless nights aren't what they were then…

… If we're gonna work through some old demons this lockdown, I'm sure I've got some songs and lyrics that have never seen the light of day" He reaches over the desk and pulls his laptop towards him "You've inspired me… "

"Oh no, are we gonna fuck our heads up with this?" you joke nervously, worrying that Colson's going to delve into something that's going to upset him

"Nah, I got you covered and you got me, right?"

"True dat" you say, as he holds his fist out so you can fistbump, his eyes now focused on his laptop screen

______

You felt kinda bad, having kept Colson up all night with you the last two nights, especially as you'd got him reminiscing about some tough memories, so tonight you tried to sneak past his room when your restlessness got the better of you.

"Nice try kid!" Colson says as he throws his bedroom door open, causing you to yelp in fright. standing there topless with his sweatpants hung low in his hips, he lights the joint hanging from his mouth "I told you we were in this together now"

"I felt bad, making you stay up with me"

"You didn't make me do shit…Wait a sec, let me find a hoodie. If I have any left in here…" he says, giving a pointed look towards the huge blue hoodie you were wrapped in before walking back into his room and rummaging through his drawers

"Oh shush, you have like a hundred…"

"Right come on" he says, pulling a pink hoodie over his head and flipping the hood up over his messy hair "Let's see what we get into tonight…"

______

And so the nights went on like this, the two of you falling into an easygoing studio routine. If there wasn't anything else going on in the house, you'd eat dinner together then head to the studio and work through the night into the small hours, skipping out the pretense of trying to sleep. You were both pretty productive at this time it seemed, both being proclaimed night owls, and keeping busy during these uncertain times was keeping your minds off the unfolding pandemic.

Considering he’d referred to his home studio in the past as the ‘rage cage’ (and it certainly could still be party central when the entire crew got involved), it was actually a place you drifted towards to relax these days. You’d always worked well together in a studio, but over the weeks spending so much time just the two of you, you became more in tune with each other, noticing when one of you had hit a wall and it was time for bed. Sometimes you'd work in comfortable silence, side by side, engrossed in your own seperate tasks. Sometimes barely any work would get done as you put the world to rights talking about anything and everything in a late night impromptu therapy session.

This evening, you'd been sitting cross legged in your chair for hours now, focusing so hard on editing a song which was driving you mad, you hadn't realised your feet had gone numb. As you try to move, your knees crack and pins and needles shoot through your legs. Colson looks up from the screen he'd been engrossed in after hearing you groan and sees you rubbing your feet trying to bring back the feeling to them

‘C’mere’ he said, before turning his chair towards you and leaning down to grab your legs, bringing your feet up onto his lap. He pulls your socks off and begins massaging your feet. You lean your head back, eyes closed and let out a long ‘hmmm’. You don’t see Colson glancing over at you and shifting in his seat as he lets out slow breath before turning back to his screen

“Now this is the kind of work session I could get used to”, you sighed "You being my studio bitch on hand for foot rubs. Although, I imagine this enjoyment goes both ways Mr Foot Lover” you tease, throwing him an exaggerated wink

Colson throws his head back with a hearty chuckle, and light heartedly slaps your calf

"Keep it in your pants Y/N"

You laugh and wiggle your toes, Colson letting out a dramatic, throaty groan in response. "Those are some sexy little toes though" he states, sticking his tongue out.

Still laughing, you put your hand to your chest, and gasp as you feign prudishness and try to pull your feet away. He grabs both your feet in one of his hands, keeping them in place then leans over the desk and pulls your laptop towards you

"Get on with some work you, this is supposed to be keeping you motivated, not distracted"

He scolds affectionately, with a smile on his face

“Okay, okay, spoilsport” you grumble as you pull your computer onto your lap

Half an hour passes, your legs still on Colson’s lap with him still massaging your feet absentmindedly with one hand while he works, and your eyes begin to feel heavy. You don’t realise you’ve fallen asleep, until you’re awoken by a “woah” from Colson as he catches your laptop which is about to fall. Taking it from your lap, he states “Right, time for bed you”

You check your phone and see it’s already 5:36am.

You stand up and stretch then walk over behind Colson, putting your arms around his shoulders, and resting your chin on his head. Looking at his screen, you yawn “You got much left to do?”

He leans back into you, bringing his hand up to rest on your arm, “Making some good progress so just gonna finish a couple of bits”

“Okay dude” you gently kiss the top of his head and squeeze the back of his neck a couple of times as you turn to leave “Try and get some rest, we’ve got a long day of sweet fuck all to do tomorrow” you say through another big yawn

“Heh yeah, Night Kid” he says softly, letting out a yawn himself. Colson turns and watches you head out of the studio and lets out a big sigh. Feeling the back of his neck still tingle from where you’d squeezed it, he’s suddenly aware of how empty the room feels without you in it....

______

Taglist: @triplexdoublex @thisshitisfuckingdifficult @brightblaqkkheaven

Lace Up! ❌❌

[cupidbunny]

Modern Day Au; Childe

How you and childe met; how he is; and more

Tags: Fluff, alcohol, etc; Mainly Bulleted

In the Modern Day, I feel like he would have some kind of fighting job/side job and would train daily

3 ways you met Childe; High school, College, or in a random store {See Below the 3 ways, or just skip to the next bulleted points}

In high school, you were a decently normal person, with a normal friend group. You kept to yourself besides them. Childe, or Ajax, was popular. He was the star player on some sports team {He probably tried out for more than one}. He was the type everyone liked. And you did too, but in freshman year. You confessed, and he turned you down. You were pretty sad for a few days, but got over him quickly.

He didn’t. He thought you were {cute/cool} and over the years, watched you. But not in a creepy way. He got more classes with you, and watched you from far. He would do random things to impress you while you were working, and when it was some kind of game day, he would look in your direction to make you were watching him.

It was a bit cute, but you always brushed it off as a friendly gesture. By senior year, Ajax eventually just couldn’t let you go so easily, so he left you a note to meet him after school at your favorite place {park, restaurant, whatever}. He confessed to you, handing you basket full of…trinkets you loved. You accepted, taking him up in an embrace as you two shared an awfully long kiss. He’d never felt so happy before.

College

Roommates, definitely. By now, he would have a full job so he would be gone frequently so you wouldn’t see him a lot. You thought he was hot, but nothing more. Sure he would flirt with you, bring you your favorite food when he got off of work, and be helpful, but that’s what a roommate is. Right?

Yeah of course. And that kiss he gave you on your cheek last night as he stood behind you, watching you cook, was just a friendly kiss. Especially when he chuckled at your flustered reaction and said that was adorable. Friendly. Even if it did make you stay up the whole night thinking about it.

Then it became a habit. He would touch your waist, or kiss you gently on the cheek before he went to work or when he got home. You honestly loved it, but you were scared that he was just being funny. After all, he was a bit known to play around. But that day he came home, solidified his feelings for you.

He finally came off of work, opening the door to see you on the couch, barely awake. He hummed as he set down the foot on the kitchen table and walked towards you as you hazily yawned, waving at him. He smiled, leaning down to kiss your cheek. You two murmered with each other, about work, school. His voice was so nice, it somehow almost put you to sleep.

He laughed, seeing that you were almost about to pass out and told you to head to bed. You nodded, about to get up before you felt him wrap his arms around you and carry you to a bed. He was very, very strong, so he could pick up anyone with ease. {If you’re insecure about your weight, or a bit on the chubby side, he laughs it off and says that he doesn’t mind picking you up and that you shouldn’t worry. Thankfully, he isn’t the type of judge and loves you whoever you are. And he’ll lift more so he could lift you like a feather}.

Just as you’re about to fall asleep, he silently confesses that he’s in love with you. He honestly thought you were too out of it to even hear him, but you almost shot up with eyes asking him what he just said.

It took a bit of pressure to make him confess, but you said you returned his feelings kissed him right before heading to bed, being that you were beyond tired. He ended up climbing into the same bed and cuddling you, kissing you as he felt the happiest he’s been since he was 14.

Out of College

The shortest one because it happened while you meet outside. He saw you while he was shopping, and thought you were attractive. He walked up to you, introducing himself and started a conversation. You both exchanged numbers, being that you thought he was pretty good-looking.

You guys eventually went on a few dates, and made it official after a few months. You guys lived near each other, so it made the relationship much easier

Moving back to the Bulleted

I feel like he would have a somewhat heavy russian accent as he speaks english

He would say loving things in russian but would also joke around with you if you don’t know it

If you do, you two would playfully argue and probably say dumb shit for shits and giggles

If you’re bilingual {Like me :p} you would respond with your other/native language. Its funny to see you two speak two different languages to communicate

He would have some vodka lying around sometimes {since he drinks before cooking in canon} and would drink now and again

He seems like the type to get tipsy. If you’re like him, its fun! If you can’t take much, he would probably be the one next to you making sure you don’t overdo it again like the other night.

He’s immensely attractive {for a ginger/j} so, he would get a lot of attention from both men and women. If you don’t get jealous easily, its fine. If you do, {like me}, well…

I think I’ll leave it here. I wrote a bit already lol. I’ll continue the jealousy on the next part, where things get much more angsty.

<3

[dinner-djarin]

Next To You (Bucky x reader)

Just a little one shot I wrote after watching FATWS on repeat. (I tried to make it gender neutral but I may have missed something so I'm sorry if it's not!)

Rating: Mature

No use of Y/N

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: Bucky is having nightmares, and you're there to comfort him. Based on the Julia Michaels song If You Need Me. (so if the ending sounds dumb go listen to the song you'll understand why lol)

Warnings: Fluff & angst I guess idk, kinda dark themes, because well it's Bucky. Just two people who have definitely been through some shit. Oh ya that reminds me swearing. Suggested that intercourse has happened but nothing descriptive. A little (a lot) about trauma but mostly about nightmares. If I missed something pls lemme know, I don't want anyone to feel triggered reading. But if you can watch the show and be fine, you'll probably be okay with this.

Also just letting you know if I put ~ its cause I switch the focus from Bucky to reader, but I'm not switching POV completely its all written in reader POV.

Every night brought pieces of the past. He never knew which memory would be dragged to the surface once he let his subconscious take over - clawing and scrapping against the walls he put up, begging to be let out; to be confronted.

Some nights were worse than others of course.

He wasn’t sure how he was ever going to out run the monsters of his past. For a while he just stopped sleeping. It may not have been a permanent fix, but he thought some relief was better than none at all. He used to go days, even weeks, without sleep during the war, so he figured it might be the best way to silence the past.

Dr. Raynor, however, caught on quick.

A lot of her methods seemed like bullshit to Bucky. He could tell she was genuinely trying to help him, but he doubted anything she had anything to offer him that would prove to be effective.

But at the end of the day she was definitely no fool. He had a tough time lying to her. She didn’t take anyone's crap, and that might have been the only reason he trusted her, even a little. It may have been the only reason he actually gave it a sincere try (besides the fact he’d be arrested if he didn’t).

So he probably shouldn’t have been surprised when she caught on to his sleep strike. In fact she called him out on it only three days in. He thought he’d get longer than that. Even so, he was almost relieved. After only 72 hours he already felt the nightmares slowly creeping into the day. Every time a door slammed or a car horn blared his body tensed. Every time he turned a corner he’d reach for a knife he no longer carried. So maybe it was better to let his past haunt his nightmares. That way he’d be alone when the memories took over. That way he wouldn’t hurt anyone else.

But he made a mistake. He did what he told himself he could never do. He let you get too close.

Falling asleep in your arms felt better than any therapy session he could ever imagine. It was the first time in forever he could remember what it was like to be his younger self. The version of him that marvelled at the idea of flying cars; who thought he could save the world by enlisting. The dreamy eyed boy who was hopeful for the future, who thought he had a future.

Lying next to you made him feel in control, like his problems didn’t matter. He was there to keep you safe, and warm, and comfortable. He never thought he’d feel like that with anyone. He didn’t think he was allowed.

You didn’t question his metal arm for starters. When Bucky took off his jacket, after the hundredth time you insisted - “It’s like 100 degrees in here Bucky, please take it off, you’re gonna melt” - he thought he’d instantly regret it. But you simply looked at it with wonder for only a moment, before returning your eyes up to his own. Staring back at you, he saw the wheels in your brain click into place. He could almost hear your thoughts as you decided what your next move would be.

In the blink of his eyes you tore your shirt off and stood completely still in front of him. For a moment his emotions were mixed, and he worried where your sudden advancement came from, but then he saw it. A thick white mark slashed across your torso.

You took only one step forward before speaking. “It’s not exactly… I know it’s not the same thing at all. But the scars - the marks we carry - they’ll be with us forever, whether we like it or not. Even if they remind us of the worst pieces of ourselves, or the worst moments of our lives, it reminds us that we can move forward. And it reminds me that there’s something to move forward to. I don’t know…it doesn’t really make any sense but somehow it’s almost comforting.  To know that something will always be with us, till the end”

His mouth was on yours in an instant.

He had been hesitant to let anyone in. After coming back - after going through everything he’d been through - he felt like damaged goods. He worried that the minute he let himself be happy, everything would come crashing down again, and he had good reason to believe it. It just kept happening over and over. It seemed like every time he found even a small amount of peace, the battle made its way back to him.

But when he found you, when he felt you, he felt peace. The softness of your skin, the gentle wave of your hair, the light scrape of your fingernails against his back and chest, your quiet moans muffled by his own mouth on yours. Being with you made the horrors of his past melt away. Even when you clamped down around him and bit into his shoulder muscle, even when he knew you’d left marks all over his skin. Knowing they came from you made all the difference. They didn’t remind him of the wars he fought, or lives he took, or the atrocities he committed. The sting of your nails and teeth weren’t pains from his past, they were reminders of his present, of the possibility of a life he could have. With you.

But in the end he knew that it was all wishful thinking. He knew he wasn’t cut out for that type of future. He knew you deserved better.

So he decided to let you off easy, to disappear from your life, leaving your shared experience to the confines of your bedroom. A memory, nothing more. He knew he’d have to sneak away once you fell asleep, because that way it might not feel real. Everything that happened between you might disappear with him.

But then he fucked up.

He was waiting for your breath to even out, a sign he would take to mean you had fallen asleep, but after listening to the air rush out of your body, and watching your bare chest rise and fall, your hypnotic essence overpowered his will, and he fell asleep alongside you.

Only he wasn’t asleep for long.

Eventually the past caught up, as it always had a way of doing. Images, and sounds, and smells all came flooding back to his uninhibited brain - sleep made him an easy target. He was vulnerable to every torment he caused, and every mission he was forced to carry out. Tonight was no exception. His brain managed to sift through every wall he thought he had up, and trudge yet another painful memory to the surface. The image of himself taking life after life, cruelly and viciously. There was no remorse, no stopping him. He saw every crime lord and politician he was made to terminate. Until his brain moved away to a new idea. The image of a young woman. Innocent and pure. But in the way of his mission. The Winter Soldier spared none.

He woke up in a blind panic. His surroundings were unfamiliar. Something was wrong. Was he being held captive or-

~

“Hey,” you made yourself known to him, and he twisted his head back to see you sit up beside him. You were quiet, and a worried expression blanketed your face.

Is he angry, you thought for a moment? No. Your brain was tired, and it was slow to process. Not angry, scared.

You knew from the minute you saw his arm that there was more going on. You already had some suspicions, nevertheless you expected there to be something like this.

For a moment, the two of you stared at each other in silence. You watched him regain his breath, and you carefully shifted your legs to sit crossed underneath you.

His steel blue eyes cut through the darkness, pinning you down. You wondered what was going on in his mind, what he might be doing to regain his grip on reality. You knew this moment too well. The quiet. The darkness. The fear. Not sure of how to move forward.

You were scared too, but not of him - more like you were scared for him. You knew he must be going through something, and you wanted to be there to help, but you also knew that was easier said than done. “Being there to help” was a nice concept, but in reality - well things were generally more complicated. You didn’t know if it’d be alright to approach him, mainly because you were unsure of your role in all this. Were you really someone he wanted around when he was so obviously vulnerable? You’d never seen him so raw and exposed, like a wound you wished you could tend to, while also fearing that your interference could make things worse.

You knew he wasn’t going to ask for your help, you could see he wasn’t that kind of man, but maybe if you made the first step, and let him choose - maybe he’d let you in. So, you held out your hand and waited. After a moment, you saw him move, only slightly though. His eyes darted down towards your hand and he subtly lifted his fingers off the bed. But it only lasted a second. He froze again, hand hovering near yours, and that’s when you realized he had been reaching for you with his left hand. You had been wary to touch it before, you thought it was probably a sensitive subject. Something about the idea of touching his metal arm seemed more personal, if that was possible. Like only the most trusted people in his life might be allowed to… and maybe not even then.

You felt your own eyes drop to your lap, an almost nervous energy now emanating in the space between you. But just before you could drop your hand too, his fingers hesitantly entwine with yours.

You shot your eyes up to see his right hand grazing the palm of your left. As your gaze slowly elevated, you found your way to meet his own eyes, only to notice the very sudden change in them. Whatever fear or darkness hid their before had now melted away. You couldn’t place it, but whatever emotion he now held sent a chill from your core to your fingertips. A lump in your throat formed and for a moment, you thought you might never be able to breath again. The look in his eyes was almost soft, but with a hint of yearning. Fire was blazing through every nerve in your body, while a chill kissed your skin, making every hair stand on edge.

Feeling outrageously brave, you took your free hand up to his jaw and held him there, gently swiping your thumb over his cheek, and allowing your fingers to reach slightly past his hairline and to the back of his neck. You wondered if he could feel the raging storm of your emotions through your touch.

“You okay?” you managed to whisper to him.

“Nothing I haven’t dealt with before” his answer pierced your ears with a hard tone, refusing to let any vulnerability resonate in his voice.

You shake your head at him, wishing he wouldn’t play pretend. “Okay then,” you mumble, letting your hand drop from his face. But as it fell, Bucky was quick to grab it, and hold it with a gentle squeeze. When you looked at him again, you knew he meant it as a reassurance, trying to tell you that he was okay.

~

He couldn’t handle the way you looked at him. Like you could see every thought in his head. A knowing gleam in your eyes told him that you didn’t believe him, and you’d be right not to. He wasn’t okay. He never really was. There was so much darkness surrounding him, poisoning every inch of his life. But you. Your touch was gentle and your voice was kind, and even though he had just seen your scar, he couldn’t help but think your world must have been so much brighter than his own. Looking in your eyes, he almost wished he’d never met you. He was so afraid that his pain might infect you too, the only good thing he had left. He wouldn’t ever be able to forgive himself if he let that happen; if he let his past ruin your future.

He wanted to leave, he needed to get out, before any of that could happen.

He slid off the bed quickly, and made his way to grab his clothes, but before he could you grabbed his hand - his left hand.

“Please Bucky don’t.” was all you could say. But the way your voice broke, on the verge of tears, fear of being rejected, of being left alone in the dark by the only man you ever wanted to let in - it was enough to stop his heart. He stood there, frozen from your touch. You kept his hand in yours, and for a second you worried it was too much. You worried you betrayed whatever trust you had built with him. Just holding his bare metal hand felt more violating and revealing than the fact that both of you remained completely naked. But you didn’t want to pull away. You didn’t want him to think you were afraid of him, afraid of the fact his hand could pulverize yours in a second - because you weren’t. You’d felt his touch. You knew how gentle and caring he could be. And you wanted him to see it too. That he wasn’t defined by his worst fears.

You pulled your body towards him, kneeling at the edge and facing him, “You don’t have to leave.” you spoke softly, as if he might be spooked and run off if you were any louder. “You don’t have to push everyone away. Please don’t push me away… I-”

Before you could finish, he was crashing into you. His tongue invading your mouth, like he was trying to soak up your unsaid words. His hands held your waist in place against his, steady and strong, but there was still resistance in his fingers; a hesitance to use too much force with you. You could feel how he feared he might hurt you.

Slowly you leaned back, feathering your fingers over his shoulders to guide him with you, and when he hovered over you, you let them slide into his hair, grabbing what you could and leading his head down…

~~~~

You lay there in the dark with your head on his chest, listening to his steady heart, feeling the crisp sting of metal graze your back. And even though you knew it was ridiculous, all you could think about was how you wanted to keep him safe. The man was stronger than any other human being, and probably thought you were fragile and helpless, and needed his protection more than anything. But still, you wanted him to be okay. You wanted him to know he could be safe.

“I’ll fight them for you.” you whimper quietly, suddenly worried that Bucky may have already fallen back to sleep.

“Huh? Who- what do you mean?” his words stuttered and tripped over his tongue. His half sleeping brain was suddenly running a mile a minute trying to decipher your statement. Who were you fighting? Why would you need to fight them for him? Surely he was more capable of fighting anyone off. He should be protecting you-

“The monsters” you said a little louder. The words feel childish and awkward in your mouth, and once you said them, you wished to take them back. But you decided to push forward, “if you want me to… if you need me… I’m here”

[lovelybnhaimagines]

Youngblood

Summery: You and Bakugo had just broken up, and you are in pain because of it. Your friends try to make you feel better, but the memories of your relationship haunt you. You didn't know what to do

Notes:Hey guys! I wrote this on the side of my other works. I was listening to Youngblood by 5SOS and was heavily inspired to write this fic. You should listen to it while reading. Or before. Or after. It might be a little f!reader, but I tried to keep in GN

Pairing: Bakugo/Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Drinking, Unhealthy Relationship

You don’t remember how many days it’s been since you and Bakugo broke up. Your heart still hurts every time you look at the photos you’ve taken. The clothes he left at your apartment still smell like him.

The words that were said still stung. You tried not to think about it.

After mopping in your bed, you got up to see one of your favorite photos on your dresser. You went to the beach with Bakugo.

“Katsuki! Quit moving. If I don’t apply it all, you’re going to get sunburnt!”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” He was grumpy. Bakugo didn’t really care for the beach, but he saw how excited you were for the trip, “You sure you want to hang out here?”

“Of course! We can collect seashells, and we can play in the water,” you finish rubbing the sunscreen on his skin. The shade protected you until you ventured out to begin your vacation. Even though he didn’t want to be here, he followed you pretty quickly.

You walked across the shoreline picking up every pretty shell that you saw. You remembered a crab being under one of those shells, and you freaked out, running to Bakugo for protection. He got a smirk on his face, picked up the crab, and began to chase you with it.

“Katsuki, stop it!” You laughed through your panting breath. You knew he wouldn’t really let the crab hurt you, but this is just how he was. One minute he’d be grumpy and unenthusiastic about anything; but with you, it was different. Bakugo was sweet and playful.

He dropped the crab and sprinted. He was faster than you, so he caught up. You were swept off your feet, being held in his arms. You were surprised thus you let out a shriek. It quickly became laughter though.

“That’s not funny, Katsuki,” You hit him on his chest, but he just shook his head.

“Your too cute in your bathing suit for me not to pick you up and cuddle.” You blushed. Though you didn’t know he walked into the ocean until the warm water hit your legs.

By the time you realized, he threw you in.

“Katsuki!” You were playfully mad, and you started to splash water at him.

“This is childish.”

“You’re the one who started it.”

The rest of the day was filled with the same kind of fun and excitement. You ate at so many good restaurants and went to the carnival. He got you a bear to which you said it looked like him. A big ol grumpy bear.

You still had it.

You place the photo back on the dresser, trying to suppress the memory of being with him.

You heard your phone ding, and you saw that it was from Mina.

You still doing ok?

It sucked that she was still in Bakugo’s friend group. So was all of your friends. Even though they would still be friends with him, you didn’t want to lose them.

Yeah, I think so

Well, you want to go out tonight?

Will Bakugo be there?

Of course not! It’ll be just us and everyone else. We just want to cheer you up.

That sounded like fun. It might help you take your mind off of Bakugo. Sending a text back to Mina, you threw your phone on the bed. After a couple of days, you finally took your first shower.

After finally trying to get the depression off of you, you put fresh clothes on yourself. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you saw your eyes were still red and puffy. There wasn’t anything you could do about it, and you fought back tears already. Bakugo would be here to tell you how sexy you looked. It didn’t matter what you wore. He would tell it to you every time.

Rubbing your eyes, you went into the kitchen and finally ate your first healthy meal in a while, reliving your stomach from digesting terrible food.

For once, you started to feel better.

--

You met up with Mina in front of the bar. She waved you down. Walking over to her, you gave her a big hug. It felt like an eternity, but it had only been a few days. You gave small talk, mainly telling her you were alright. It was a half-truth and a half-lie.

Walking in, you saw familiar faces that made you smile: Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero.

“Hey guys! It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, I know. Long time no see,” Kirishima gave you a comforting hug. Kaminari and Sero gave you a pat on the back. You and Mina sat next to them on their left. You looked over at Kaminari, and he looked panicked, like he was scared the world was about to end.

“Hey Kaminari, you’ve missed me that much? Why do you look like I’m about to bite you?”

“Because you are.” A familiar voice that made your heart drop to your stomach. It was Bakugo that came back from what you presumed the bathroom, “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Kaminari!” Mina shouted also panicked.

“I thought we were meeting up with (y/n) on another night!”

“No, it’s fine. Me and Bakugo can be civil about this.”

“Yeah, fucking right, you’ll just break down and cry. Just like you did at everything else.”

You bite your lip, trying to hold back venomous words. His face made you sick, and you felt like you were about to vomit.

“We can go to another bar!” Mina said trying to save it.

“No, I want to hang out with my friends. It’ll be his fault if we have a bad night.”

“Whatever bitch.” It stung. The Bakugo you knew would never call you that. You guessed people do change.

You both sat back at the bar. It became awkward; no one said anything. The bar tender asked what you wanted.

“A dirty shirley, please.”

“I see you still drink that shitty drink.”

“Why don’t you shut up for once?”

“Guys!” Kirishima interjected this time, “Hey, have you seen that new superhero movie? All Might is such a great character.”

That seemed to steer the conversation away from an argument. You turned to Mina, and the group became segregated. You only talked to her for most of the night, but you could still hear Bakugo’s voice. You missed it so much.

--

“Thank you for bringing me out tonight Mina; I had a good time.” A lie. You wanted to go back to your apartment and just break down in bed again. Going out was a mistake.

“Yeah,” Mina didn’t sound convinced, “hey, why don’t we go shopping tomorrow? Get away from these boys.” She said the last line jokingly, but a part of you didn’t want to leave the boys tonight.

“Sure.”

“Yay, girls day!” Kaminari jokingly said, pretending as if he was going with you.

“Why would you want to go with her?” Bakugo finally pushed you over the edge.

“Why don’t you get your head out of your ass and act normally?”

“I am acting normally. You’re the one who’s too sensitive. Always upset about something.”

“You’re insulting me! You think I’ll take that lying down.”

“You take a lot of stuff lying down.” You saw red when he saw that. You walked over and slapped him across the face.

“Shut the fuck up Bakugo!” He looked at you. You could tell he was more upset about you calling him by his last name. You quickly walked out of the bar with Mina following you. There was someone else following you.

“Why the fuck are you still here?” It was Bakugo, following you into the street, “Why do you have to hang out with my friends? Oh wait, you’re too much of a bitch to make more friends.”

“I don’t know why they’re still friends with you. You’re nothing but a big dick who doesn’t have a single ounce of empathy.”

You turned around to walk away from the bar, wanting to anywhere but there. The tears were already falling down your cheek. Your voice was starting to crack and waver.

“I don’t even know why you’re still here if I hurt you that much.” You stopped at that line and turned around to face Bakugo. His face was softer, “Tell me to fuck off. You want me out of your life”

You couldn’t. You wanted him to be here with you.

“Or tell me you want me back in your life.” You started to breath heavy, unable to get any words out. You didn’t know how to answer.

“Figures,” Bakugo walked away at your lack of response. You crumbled to the ground, squatting down with your head in your hands. Mina was quick to comfort you; the sound of her high heels brought you out of your anxiety attack.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” She said helping you to stand up. She called a taxi and both of you got in.

The tears finally stopped. You were able to see the passing streetlights on the way back to your apartment.

Mina walked up with you and helped you get ready for bed. She tried to find a t-shirt that wasn’t Bakugo’s, but she was having a hard time. Finally, she settled on this shirt you got from high school. It was a little tighter than it used to be, but it was the only thing you could wear.

“Give me a call if anything happens. I’m only a phone call away. I’ll come get you in the morning so we can go to the mall.” Mina leaned down to give you a kiss on the forehead. It was comforting. Bakugo used to do it to you.

She left. For now, she had Bakugo’s spare key to make sure she could check on you.

You rolled around your bed, before you checked your phone. It was apologies from the rest of the group. They thought you would hang out with them another night and should’ve remined Mina. You responded to each of them so they wouldn’t worry about you.

You scrolled down social media and got a dumb idea. You scrolled down Bakugo’s, trying to find something to give you closure. It didn’t. You saw he didn’t even change his relationship status. You knew he didn’t use it much, but it still surprised you that he hasn’t put it to single.

You fell asleep, only to wake up to your phone ring. You must’ve fallen asleep with it in your hands.

It was Bakugo’s number. You’re heart became elated that he called you.

“What do you want?” You said, cursing yourself for sounding a bit to mean.

There was some silence. You could hear people in what sounded like a bar. Bakugo must not have left. You checked the time, seeing that a couple of hours have passed.

“Hello? What do you want?” You asked again, hoping to get a response this time.

“Nothing.” The word was slurred, then the line disconnected.

Your heart deflated. You couldn’t even cry more than you already had that night.

--

You arrived at the mall. Mina tried her hardest to make you happier. She would take you to a store that sold bath bombs, and you bought some that smelt nice. Ones that didn’t remind you of Bakugo.

Eventually, you ended up at one of Mina’s favorite department stores. It was a nice one, where someone was actually playing a piano in the store. Mina picked out some clothes out and dragged you to the dressing room where she promptly went in to try some of the dresses.

“Isn’t this cute?” Mina said coming out of the dressing room with a sundress on. You nodded in agreement. She tried to give you clothes for you to try on, but her efforts were futile.

She noticed that you still weren’t happy. Going back to take the clothes off, she came back out to clasp your hands in hers, “Why don’t we get some ice cream? We can get wine on the way back to your apartment?”

You nodded your head. You felt bad for staying quiet the entire trip to the mall.

You both walked to the food court and wait in line to get some ice cream. Mina was talking to you (or you should say at you).

In a moment, your heart stopped. You saw Bakugo, and you could say what you wanted to say to him. When you turned around, it wasn’t him.

“What’s wrong?”

You shook your head at a worried Mina, “It’s nothing.”

It wasn’t nothing. You kept seeing him in the strangers around you, causing you to feel like you’ve gone crazy.

You both decided to grab the ice cream to go and grab wine in the convenience store by the mall.

You tried to make small talk, but your words felt superficial.

They felt empty once more.

When you got back to the apartment, you both decided to order a pizza, watch shitty chick flicks, and cuddle under a fuzzy blanket. It was comforting.

So was the wine. Mina got a big bottle of it, and you kept drinking glass after glass.

“Hey, shouldn’t you slow down?” Mina’s voice was full of concern. You shrugged your shoulders in response.

“Maybe I should, but it’s nice,” you said. It finally gave you a nice, fuzzy feeling in your core. It was something other than pain.

Eventually it got too much, the pain came back full force, and you became a crying mess. You fell down into Mina’s lap wailing.

“Why doesn’t he want me anymore? Why does he hate me now?” You screamed. Mina just petted your hair, trying to give some comfort, “I want him so bad.”

“I know baby,” she said; her voice was full of concern, “No more wine for you. I should put you to bed.”

And that’s what she did. Once more, she put you to bed, but this time she stayed with you. It wasn’t unusual for her to stay over and sleep in your bed. The place where Bakugo used to sleep.

Your eyes that were sore started to close. You felt yourself sleep but not dream.

When you woke up, it was still dark. You felt more oriented and aware. The alcohol must have worn off. Your phone read it was around 2AM. You didn’t want to disturb Mina, so you left the bedroom.

When you saw the bottle, you were surprised how much you drank and how you weren’t sick right now.

You sat down on the couch, covering yourself with the fuzzy blanket that was left there.

You took your phone to scroll down your social media feed. There were so many pictures of your friends who were in happy relationships, but you kept seeing Bakugo’s face. No matter what photo, he was there.

The pain kept coming back to stab your heart. You felt like you were bleeding out. You then remembered that Bakugo called you yesterday.

Mina would be so upset, but you clicked his name to dial him back. You kept hearing rings and then voice mails. You kept calling, over and over.

Finally, you got an answer.

“Yes?” He was fully awake and didn’t sound concern.

“I miss you.” Was all you said, then he hung up on you. You expected as much.

--

“Well, I gotta go to work,” Mina said holding your hands. You both were standing in the archway of the entrance to your apartment, “Will you be ok?”

“Yeah, I will be.” Another lie. Even though she didn’t look convinced, she left. You closed the door and fell on the couch, burying your head in one of the cushions. Instead of good memories like the other day, you remembered the fight that started this all.

Bakugo tried to love on you. He was kissing your neck. You enjoyed it, but you didn’t want it to go where he wanted it to go.

“Hey Katsuki,” you started. He gave a hum in response, letting you know he was listening, “Can we do this another night?”

He got off you and rolled his eyes, sitting up. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” His voice sounded annoyed. You furrow your brows, getting frustrated yourself.

“It’s obviously not nothing. What’s wrong?” Your voice was stern. Sitting up on the couch, you looked at him with intent. He stayed silent, “Goddamn it Katsuki, out with it.”

“’Out with it’” he mocked you, “Why do you always need to know why I’m frustrated? You should be able to figure it out yourself.”

“Well sorry I want clarity. Is this over sex?”

“Fuck no. I just hate you never thinking about me. You always pry at me when you need something. You need me for this. You need me for that.” He motioned his hands to match his words, “Do you ever ask what I want?”

You didn’t realize that you hadn’t. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care Katsuki.”

“I know you care, but my god isn’t it fucking annoying,” he got up off the couch to storm off. You followed him.

“Where are you going?”

“Isn’t obvious, I’m in the bedroom.” You felt more warmth building in your body, feeling it warmest and tightest in your core.

“I know that, but why are you walking away from me?”

“You want to know everything don’t you. You can’t figure anything out for yourself?” Your mouth slacked open not knowing how to respond. He paced around the room, running his hands through his hair.

“At least I care,” you started shouting, “What’s wrong with you Katsuki?”

“Sometimes I just want to be left alone, but no you have to come follow my ass like puppy.”

You started feeling tears well up in your eyes, “Are you calling me a dog?”

“No, I just-“ He clenched his fists, “You just don’t understand me.”

“I do understand-“

‘No you fucking don’t. You’re only concerned about what you want in this relationship. Maybe I should compare you to a dog, because you’re a bitch!”

“You’re calling me a bitch? Why don’t you look at yourself in the mirror and see what a massive dick you’re being?” Your voice was starting to break. You felt pins and needles in your arms, shaking them unconsciously as well, “I put a lot of care in this relationship. And you’re saying I don’t?”

“You know what, you don’t. I’ve been telling you that you only care about yourself, and look what you do. You’re only concerned about you.”

“Oh my god, you keep blaming me. You’re the one who started this all!”

“No, it was you! You’re the one who chased after me, thinking you could solve this now.”

The tears were now falling down your cheeks, and your jaw started to clench. “I care about this relationship. You think I want this to fall apart.” Your words were said through your teeth.

“Yes, I actually think you fucking do.” Bakugo shouted even more. You’re sure your neighbors were going to put in a noise complaint in the morning, “I do most of the work in this relationship, and you just pretend everything is ok. You didn’t even notice how I was fucking feeling this entire time. You were just in your own little world. You know why, cause you’re a bitch, and you’ll always be one.”

You walked up to him and smacked him across the face; he then grabbed your arms and pinned you against the door, “You think you’re so tough?”

You spit on his face, and that was it. He stormed out and never came back.

You wished you could take it all back. You wish you could do it over.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. You open it to see Bakugo.

“Kat- I mean, Bakugo, what are you doing here?” He looked annoyed and started to lean against the door frame.

“You called me last night. Well, I’m here.” His words were softer than you expected.

“Well, I don’t know what to say-“ you started.

“You’re the one who said you missed me.” He didn’t look you in the eye, “So what do you want?”

You didn’t know what to say. He mumbled something under his breath and started to walk away. You panicked.

“Wait! Don’t go.” You reached out to him. He came back and looked you in the eye.

“What do you want?” he repeated. You swallow the knot that developed in your throat.

“I don’t know.”

“Then it’s over.” He said walking away again. This time, he didn’t come back.

You closed the door and cried about your relationship finally being over for good

[highpope]

Silver Keys - Ch. 6

JJ Maybank x OC x Topper Thorton Soulmate AU

warnings: none :) Lmk if there are ever any

notes: I can't even apologize for the lack of updates, this is what we're rolling with lately. comments and reblogs are encouraged and appreciated!!!

silver keys masterlist

JJ never realizes how much of a mess everything is until June is gone for more than a day. Without her, Kie gets too annoyed at the rest of them (mainly John B and him) and there’s no one to settle the arguments between the four pogues. It’s like something shifts with the universe. And that is why the last two days have been a mess.

June left for her recital Thursday night all set to perform on Friday. There were two rounds of competition, from what JJ understood. The main event is on Friday and the second round is on Saturday. So it was up in the air when she would be back.

As for the rest of them, John B said some stupid shit to Kie and she stormed off. She texted in the group later only to say she wasn’t coming to the boneyard for the party Saturday night.

Which left John B, JJ, and Pope to their own devices. Which went pretty much just how JJ expected it to: he was high and slightly tipsy and JB was doing that weird thing where he pretends he hasn’t drunk that much but is totally gone. Pope was probably hating his life, wishing he hadn’t pulled the shortest straw (or in their case the shortest pasta noodle) and gotten stuck as DD. JJ did feel slightly bad about that, but no one wanted him to drive anyway.

Now, it was about halfway through the party and JJ couldn’t find any of his friends let alone people he liked enough to talk to. He had quit beer pong when a member of the opposing team threw up on her shoes. Pretty much the whole scene shut down after that. He noticed a few groups sectioned off in foldout chairs, some around various bonfires.

JJ wasn’t sure how much time had passed after that. Probably enough that Pope was ready to go home. So, he stumbled his way through the small circles of people, laughing and dancing in a gentle sort of way. It was almost melodic, the way everyone navigated through the sand. JJ had stopped when he saw Topper and Kelce leaning against a tree arguing.

It was more than obvious that JJ didn’t like Topper. He was a rich, stuck-up kook. He didn’t give a shit about anyone else and JJ didn’t understand how June had been with him for so long and it was frustrating that he couldn’t give her better. But she was happy, the happiest he had seen her in a while. He could be civil with Topper, hell he’d even be nice because JJ would do anything to make sure June was happy.

“You don’t think this has gone a little too far?” JJ heard Kelce say.

“No, dude. And what’s the harm anyway? It’s not like June is ever going to know I’m not her real soulmate. She believes me.” topper replied.

JJ felt his stomach drop. It took him a few seconds to process what he was hearing, but when he did the rage took over his body instantly.

“Well, I don’t know. She very obviously has a soulmate. Real songs are getting stuck in her head. You’re just lying and saying that they’re yours.”

“I’m not lying!” Topper yelled, his voice getting harsher the closer he got to Kelce, “I don’t have one, okay? I don’t fucking hear anything. And it’s not fair. So why can’t I just pick someone?”

Without a second thought, JJ rushed forward, slamming topper to the ground.

“What the hell did you just say?” He yells, looking down at Topper. He didn’t care if he was causing a scene, he didn’t care about anything. He could only picture June’s face when she inevitably found out and that was enough to make his blood boil.

“This is none of your business, pogue.”

Topper pulled himself up from the sand and swung at him, catching JJ’s cheek. He couldn’t help himself, he launched himself at Topper. He punched his nose, fast and hard. He looks down at his own hands, already bruising and covered in someone else’s blood.

“Tell her.” he spits at him “or I fucking will.” He kicks at the sand and turns away. JJ isn’t sure why he’s letting him off like this. Maybe, in the long run, this will hurt less for June.

June. That’s all that matters. Not topper and not some stupid soulmate. And if not kicking Topper’s teeth in and letting him save face will help her then that’s what he’ll do.

He took a deep breath and knocked on her window. He wasn’t sure what he was going to say, he wasn’t sure if he was going to say anything. If she asked why he was there, he wouldn’t have an answer.

JJ heard some rustling and moments later was met with June opening the window and pulling him inside.

“J, what the hell? You scared me.”

“S-sorry, I didn’t mean to.” She looked tired but happy and his heart hurt a little.

“You could’ve come to the front door. My parents would have let you in.”

“I just. I couldn’t-” He didn’t know what to say. He could hear Topper’s confession ringing in his ears.

June grabbed his chin and turned his head to look at her, “God, what happened to your face? Please tell m-”

“It’s nothing, I just. I have to lay low for a little, okay?”

“Are you-” she pressed.

“June, please”

“Okay, but you have to tell me what happened.”

He hesitated, “It was some kook okay? It’s over, done-zo”

“who” He hesitated again. She searched his eyes and it took everything in him not to tell her. He tried to get her to stop.

“You didn’t catch his name? Ya know before he gave you a black eye”

“We didn’t swap phone numbers, fuck, June”

“You don’t just punch people for no reason JJ. You can’t just”

“June” he pleaded

“Okay, fine… I just want to make sure it wasn’t your-”

“It wasn’t. okay?”

“I just wanna make sure you’re okay. Don’t be an asshole about it”

He did feel like an asshole. She was only trying to make sure his dad didn’t show back up at the chateau and he was yelling at her.

“I’m going to get you ice,” June said without looking back.

When she returned she tossed him a frozen bag of peas and told him to ice.

“This isn’t my first black eye, Moto”

“Yeah, yeah, Maybank,” She sighs, “I know.”

“Hey,” he says softly, “I’m fine, I promise. Just a little black eye. You should see the other guy.” He joked.

She didn’t say anything, just looked at him anxiously. When she finally did speak it came out a whisper, “I just worry about you, idiot.”

He nods, “I know, I’m sorry.”

JJ lays back to rest his back against her wall and stretches his legs. June is sitting across from him, leaning against her bed.

“Tell me about the recital, I wanna hear about how you kicked ass.”

“That’s not how it works, J.”

“C’mon,” he pleaded.

She sighed and her face relaxed, “it was really good. Like, the environment and everyone there. I played really well, too. I don’t think I missed a single note.”

“Play it for me,”

“No, no. It’s okay.”

“C’mon JuJu,” he nudged her foot with his.

She sighed again, moving towards her keyboard.

“Don’t look at me.”

“What?” JJ laughed.

“Turn around,” she urged.

“Fine.”

He did as he was told, turning around so that their backs were practically touching. He could hear June crack her knuckles and take a deep breath before beginning to play. He listened as she began softly, telling a story through the music. It sounded familiar, something he’d probably heard her hum before. But there was more to it than that. It was the feeling of waking up from a nightmare and realizing that you were at home, safe in your bed.

“I like when you play,” he was looking at her now, his full attention on the way her hands glided over the keys and her curled up when she was focusing. He noticed the freckles on her nose and her chipped nail polish like he was looking at her for the first time.

She smiled when he said this and JJ felt the familiar comforting feeling June often brings. She played for a few more moments before stopping, her eyes closed, concentrated.

“Keep going,” JJ urged.

“That’s it.” She said with a sad shrug, “my mom used to play it for us when we couldn’t sleep at night. She wrote it in college I guess. But, she never finished it. So… that’s it.”

“Beautiful,” he whispered.

She met his eyes, “yeah it is isn’t it?”

He nodded sincerely, looking from her eyes to her lips, “yeah.”

They stayed like that for a moment, concentrating on only each other. JJ knew he was falling, knew he had been falling for some time now and he was desperate to know if his best friend was falling for him too.

[kuroos-world]

The Bookshop Keeper - Dabi mini series PT. 3

Masterlist A/N: sorry this took a while to get out ! Lmk if you want to be tagged !

Chapters: pt.1 pt.2 EC pt.4

The next morning you wake up wrapped in Dabi’s arms, you try rolling over but he tightens his hold on you. “Hun, I have to go into the shop today,” you tell him softly, turning to face him. You watch him sleep, admiring the beautiful man in front of you, “stop staring” he mumbles making you giggle at him. You check your phone, 6:08, “i should probably get up now” he groans and tightens his grip more, “no” “I have to open the shop,” you try to reason, “have someone else do it?” At this point he’s practically pouting, and you consider it for a second, “please” his morning voice is so deep, making it harder to resist, but he speaks to you so kindly it burns a fire in your tummy, “okay hun” you agree, asking one of the girls to open up shop for you. Once you get a response you snuggle in closer to Dabi, he lets out a content sigh when he feels your body relax against his, “ ‘s nice” you whisper, “don’t remember the last time I slept so comfortably,” Dabi hums in agreement, you continue to admire him smiling as you do.

The morning is spent laying in bed, wrapped in his arms and in between the sheets. When you finally get up it’s almost noon and Dabi is draped over your shoulder while you try to get ready. While you shower Dabi makes you breakfast, which he forces you to eat in bed with him, once again wrapped between his legs. You tell him to shower and try to find him something to wear, he was much taller than you but you were sure your sweats would fit him and you were right. He walks into the room, grey sweats hanging lowly on his hips, chest exposed. “I should go buy you some clothes,” you say trying to avert your eyes, “why? These look good on me,” he smirks “don’t they?” He teases loving the way your eyes wrack over his body, “yeah bu-“

“But nothing, We can just share,”

Truth of the matter is, Dabi would hate to make you spend money on him ‘Fuck, maybe I should’ve packed something,’ he mentally scolds himself.

“Come here” he reaches out for you and drags you back into bed, pulling you to sit on him,

“Take a nap,” “but we slept all day,” you whine, his eyes are stern, “take a nap or I’ll put you to sleep,” he says with a glimmer in his eyes. Your face turns red, not quite understanding but either way, you lay between his legs, arms wrapping around his waist. He smiles one hand holding a book and the other playing with your hair,

“What is stronger

Than the human heart

Which shatters over and over

And still lives,”

His voice was smooth and cool, left you hanging off his every word…

Once you were sleeping comfortably Dabi slips out from under you, pulling his (now washed) hoodie back over his head and quietly making his way out. He arrived at his destination, entering his room wordlessly,

“Where’d you go?” Toga giggles, “Shiggy was mad you left so soon,” “had things to do” he fills his bag and pushes past Toga “bye” he’s almost out of the building when a figure appears before him, “leaving so soon?” Kurogiri asks, “yeah I did the mission now I’m taking a break,” “is that where you ran off to last night ?” Shigaraki questions, “None. Of. Your. Business.” Dabi seethes, “I’ll make it my business,” Shigaraki threatens, voice low and menacing, “whatever just call me when you need me” he tries pushing past the two, “Don’t forget Dabi, you’re the one who asked to join, no one forced you to be here,” and with that the two of them disappear, “fuck” Dabi decides to take the long route back to your place, making sure no one follows him.

When he gets back you’re still sleeping, he takes this as an opportunity to 1.check that your home was safe and properly locked and 2.browse all the books you had. He stops when he finds a journal filled with poems or excerpts of random topics. Each page had a title and date, as he read them he felt like he was watching you grow. He could feel you fall in love, he felt the pain or your heartbreaks and he felt the love you felt once you mended yourself. Your writing grew dramatically from sappy cliches to passionate, from melancholy to understanding. He’s reading one of your favorite poems when you walk in, rubbing sleep from your eyes and plopping down onto the couch. “Hi hun,” “hi doll,” he smiles down at you before taking a seat next to you continuing the poem he had been reading,

“ ‘You are kind, you are loving, and you are independent.’ I say to the girl in front of me and as she stares back, I know exactly what she’s thinking. The weight on her shoulders feel like mountains and she wonders why she has to be these things. Why people can always depend on her but she can never depend on them. Why she always gives love when she’s the one who desperately needs it. Why she’s always so kind to those who mistreat her. We stare at each other and ponder all the reasons, but she is who she is and it’s too deeply rooted in her to find out why.”

You smile as he finishes the last sentence, remembering the state you were in when you wrote it,

“Wow that feels like it was so long ago,”

“You could’ve been a great writer,” he tells you,

“Reading is more of my thing,”

“Why?”

“Because everyone needs an escape, books just always helped me,”

“And you think everyone who walks into your shop is looking for an escape?”

“Yeah, that's why you came in, isn’t it?” Your eyes were so wide and full of curiosity, he was almost tempted to just bare his soul for you, right then and there,

“Yeah I guess I was,” he leans in close, lips almost touching yours, his blue eyes searching yours,

“What would a pretty girl like you need an escape from?”

“My family” you respond instantly, surprising not only hun but yourself, it wasn’t something you were really open about but Something about him made you feel safe. Like you could say anything and he’d never judge you, like he could understand you. But before you could ask what he was escaping from he asks, “do you see them often?”

“No, it’s easier to love them from afar,” he chuckles at that, “and when I do visit them it’s mainly just to see my siblings,” this time he nods understandingly, he checks up on his siblings too from time to time.

“So then are you gonna see them for the holidays?”

“Maybe but probably not, I’ll probably spend my day in the shop,”

“May I join you?” He asks,

“I’d love nothing more” you giggle,

When you were younger your mother always told you “love is sacrifice,” and you never knew what she meant by that, because here you were lying beside Dabi feeling like you were floating.

———————

Taglist:

@orenjineki @liitlesushi

@icedtea-with-lemon16 @dabis-bitch

@c0metar5on @threbony

@prince-cahn @whalerus

@caramelsquares @vanilla-iced-latte

@sssjuico10

[moldisgoodforyou]

without you by my side

i thought i posted this already APOLOGIES !!! 

wordcount: 2.4k

_____

Sophie had barely talked to Rafe in the first two weeks she was in Spain, suddenly being consumed with a week-long orientation and then going straight into her internship, juggling her Spanish lessons and trying to just get by in an unfamiliar city. She’d texted him a few updates here and there, and had FaceTimed him briefly in her first week, but most of her spare time was spent getting to know her roommates and checking off random errands.

The time difference made things extra tricky, but Rafe made it a priority to talk with her, no matter where he was. When they finally got a chance to talk, she called him, grinning when the call connected. “Hi!”

He grinned to himself too, feeling warm just from the sound of her voice. “Hi, you. It’s good to hear from you.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I’d be so busy.” She worried her lip between her teeth and he shook his head quickly, although she couldn’t see him. “It’s alright, I knew you had things to do. Don’t stress about it. I want to hear about Barcelona, tell me what you’ve done!”

Sophie beamed and launched into an excited description of everything - her students in her classes, her new coworkers, how she got assigned to a cool project and how she got drunk on a two dollar bottle of wine that was ‘the best she’d ever had.’ Once she told him everything, she paused, letting silence fill the air.

“That sounds awesome, Soph.” He smiled, then frowned hearing her pause. “All good?”

“Yeah, just. I wish you were here. Um, I wear one of the shirts you let me take to bed, and I just realized it doesn’t really smell like you anymore. Washed it too soon, I think.”

Rafe let out a small sigh and clutched his phone a little tighter. “I can send you another one.” His voice had a teasing lilt to it, but he was dead serious.

“No, I’m sorry, it’s stupid.” She spoke quickly and he could distantly hear a few sniffles, then when she brought her phone back to her ear, voice nearly cracking. “I’m okay.”

“Wait, are you crying? Sophie...” He trailed off and she could hear the frown in his voice. He closed his office door so he could talk to her more freely, without having to keep his voice so quiet.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m fine. I just miss you a lot more than I thought I would.”

He immediately pressed the button to facetime her, smiling when she picked up, then instantly dropping it once he saw her teary cheeks. “I can change my flight and come visit sooner. I’ll do it, angel, you know I will.”

She smiled a little at the pet name, swiping her sleeve over her cheeks. “I know, but it’s fine. Once I get into a routine I’ll be okay, everything’s just a little jarring.” She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. “I thought I knew Spanish and turns out all I can really manage is where’s the bathroom and hello. Everyone speaks so quickly, I feel like an idiot.”

He grinned. “You’re not an idiot, baby, you’ve been practicing for this for months. Just don’t go around telling anyone else te amo.”

She sniffled a little as she laughed. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Hey, how’s home? Have you gone surfing or something yet? Any big parties?”

He shrugged. “It’s alright. I think there’s a party this weekend, but.”

“But what?”

“I don’t know. Feels kind of strange without you by my side.”

“Aw, Rafe, you miss me.” She teased, fully aware she was in no position to poke fun, as she’d just cried over missing him two seconds ago.

He paused and glanced away for a second, not wanting to guilt trip her in the slightest. He just wanted to be sure she enjoyed her trip without having to worry about him. “You know I do.”

“I miss you too.” Her face dropped a little and she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to stop herself from crying again.

“I want you to have fun though, okay? I’m only a call away, and I’ll see you soon enough. Three months will fly by. Easy.” He told her, almost trying to convince himself. Just the last two weeks alone had dragged by for him, especially with how quickly he’d had to leave all his friends in Columbus once the frat house closed for the summer.

“Two months and two weeks,” she corrected. “We’ve made it half a month already.”

He laughed and flipped the camera briefly to show his calendar pinned up behind his desk, little numbers scribbled onto each square. “I know, I’ve been counting down the days.”

“That’s sweet.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and he frowned, narrowing his eyes. “Hey, where’s your ring?”

Sophie instantly blushed and grabbed her backpack, fumbling through it until she found the ring box lying haphazardly at the bottom (and brushed off a few crumbs before showing him). “Here! It’s right here, I have it, promise.” She quickly flipped open the box and slid it on her finger to show him.

“Do you not like it? I should have asked you before, I -”

“No! I love it, no, it’s not that.” She reassured him quickly. “I’m just really worried I’m going to lose it, like on the metro or walking to work, and I can’t have that happen. So I carry the box with me.”

“Oh.” Rafe sat back in his chair, thinking. “How about I get you a chain?”

“A chain?”

“Yeah. You can wear the ring on the chain, like a necklace, when you’re not wearing it on your finger. And when I come visit, we can take it in to Cartier and get it resized, if you need to.”

“No, it fits perfectly, I’m just nervous.” She smiled. “A chain sounds like a good solution.”

He nodded and wrote himself a reminder to order one and have it shipped to her apartment in Spain the second they were off the call. “You got it.” At a knocking on his door, he hesitated before glancing over for the source. “Hold on one second, okay?”

“Okay.”

Rafe stood and opened the door, letting his dad in. Ward strode in and dropped a stack of papers on Rafe’s desk, regarding him with annoyance. “You need to go to the printing company right now and get these flyers fixed. Half of them have the ink fucked up and the phone number’s wrong on all of them.”

“You said I got a half hour lunch break.” Rafe replied evenly, not glancing at the papers - that were the secretary’s responsibility, not his.

“You can get a lunch break when you pay closer attention to the details.” Ward fished his card out of his wallet and slapped it on top of the stack. “Grab me lunch while you’re out. Don’t be long.” He turned to leave, but paused upon seeing Sophie waiting on the facetime call, Rafe’s phone on the desk. “Who is that?”

She froze, hair hiding her face a little, and wasn’t sure if she should hang up or not. Rafe made the first move and flipped the screen over so his phone was facedown on the desk. “I was talking to Sophie. Remember, I told you she’s in Spain, so the time difference -”

“I don’t care.” Ward interrupted. “Don’t let some girl distract you from work.” (Rafe swore he hadn’t acknowledged that Sophie was his girlfriend once.) He left abruptly and kicked out the door stopper as he went, letting the door slam shut behind him.

Rafe winced and took a breath before flipping the phone back over. He looked defeated, “I have to go. I’m sorry.”

“S’alright.” Sophie gave him a small smile but her heart was racing, embarrassed about how easily Ward was able to dismiss her. “Call me later, if you want? I’m staying in tonight.”

He glanced at the door again and cocked his head a little to catch the sounds out on the hallway, just giving her a nod and a forced smile before ending the call.

___

Rafe only had a week back in Columbus before he had to pack up and head back to the Outer Banks for one last summer. He had resigned himself to the fact he’d be going home, but was mainly fine with it until he learned Sophie wouldn’t be coming home too. Ever since then, he’d been dreading it - the beach days, country club and even his friends at home weren’t worth the amount of time he’d have to spend with his dad at work.

His dad had been preparing him over the last few years to take a high position in the company, and Rafe had never protested it, just figuring he wasn’t meant for anything else. It wasn’t until Sophie sent him a few links for internships in downtown Columbus that he began to consider that maybe, just maybe, he was capable of more. He ended up applying to five internships in whole, not sure if he could handle too many rejections. Other kids in his major already had at least one, sometimes two internships under their belt, and Rafe’s resume with work at his dad’s company and a couple leadership positions in his frat didn’t exactly measure up.

He was rejected almost immediately from a couple internships, but interviewed for the three others based on a few strong recommendations from his professors. No matter what, he had to return to the Outer Banks and get some extra clothes and furniture to haul back with him for his senior house, so he settled on going back for a little while he waited to hear back from the other companies.

Later that night, he called her back after getting berated by his dad at work and taking the blame for two other interns’ mistakes. It was late, nearly one am for her on a Tuesday, but she picked up anyways, anticipating the call. “H’lo?” Sophie mumbled into the phone, half-asleep. 

“I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m sick of it.” He confessed immediately and she sat up in bed, concerned. “What? What’s wrong, baby?” 

“It’s my dad, I swear to fucking god. I have to get this internship, Soph, it’s the one excuse he’ll take for me not working for him.” Rafe huffed, trying his best to calm himself down, shaky fingers pressing the Facetime button. 

She picked up right away, the lag in wifi barely interrupting their call. “Breathe, Rafe.” 

He nodded quickly, taking a few shallow breaths, then frowned as he saw the pillow marks pressed into her cheek. “Fuck, did I wake you up? This fucking time zone shit -” He cut himself off, knowing he was just angry with his dad, not her. 

Sophie shook her head. “No, um, was just scrolling through social media and laying down.” 

It was a blatant lie, but Rafe accepted it anyways. “You need to sleep earlier.” 

She shrugged, not wanting to share that she couldn’t sleep that well without him sometimes. “I’m fine. Tell me what’s going on.” 

“It’s just.” He paused and propped the phone up, then pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. “He puts so much pressure on me, all the time. I’m supposed to take over this company and I don’t even know if that’s what I want to do, I’m a business major just because he told me that’d be a good idea, it’s just -” Rafe took a breath, trying not to get himself more worked up. “It’s a lot.” 

Sophie frowned, catching herself reaching toward the screen for a moment in an attempt to comfort him. “You’ll get the internship in Columbus, I know you will.” 

“You don’t know that.” 

“I do know that. You need to think more highly of yourself, Rafe.” 

He sighed, chewing on his bottom lip. “Kinda hard when no one else is thinking highly of me.” 

“Rafe.” She caught his attention with a stern tone, frowning. “That’s not true, not in the slightest.” 

“A little bit.” 

“You’re a loyal friend, you’re generous, you’re smart. I know I can always count on you. You just need to be nicer to yourself.” Sophie encouraged, smiling when he gave her the tiniest hint of a shy smile. 

“You don’t need to say all that.” He countered, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I know. But I mean all of it.” She got up from her bed, taking the phone with her. “Hey, go look outside.” 

“Why?” 

“Just go look outside.” 

He furrowed his brow but followed along, bringing his phone to his bedroom window and walking out to his balcony. “What am I supposed to be seeing?” 

“You see the moon?” 

“Yeah.” 

She flipped her camera briefly, showing the glow of the moon in the sky over the city. “It’s the same moon, okay? We’re seeing the exact same thing.” 

“Okay...” He trailed off, confused. 

“It’s almost like I’m there with you.” She paused. “Kind of. We’re not that far apart.” 

“Four thousand miles.” He argued, getting more miserable. “God, I miss you.” 

Sophie nodded with a frown, biting the inside of her cheek. “I know. I miss you too, baby. I’m sorry your dad is being so shitty.” 

“He’ll hear you.” Rafe half-teased, glancing around just to make sure he wasn’t down below on the deck or nearby. 

Her jaw set, stubborn. “Good. When do you hear back about the internship?” 

“In a couple days, probably. I had the final interview yesterday and they’ll give me a few weeks’ notice before I need to move back.” He opened his mouth, about to add another self-deprecating comment, but stopped himself. “It went okay.” 

“I’m sure you were fantastic. Model candidate.” She grinned and he just ached for her even more. “It’s late for you, isn’t it.” 

“Um...a little. But I can keep talking if you want. Any time.” She promised, hiding a yawn behind her hand. 

He shook his head, smiling. “Go back to bed, angel. I’m sorry I woke you up.” 

“Don’t be, I’m glad I got to talk with you again.” Sophie paused. “It’ll be okay, Rafe. I know it.” 

“Yeah.” He agreed just to appease her. The last thing he wanted her to be doing when she was in Barcelona was worrying about him. “Love you. Sweet dreams, Soph.” 

“Love you too.” 

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @sunshineitsfine44 @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23 @babygal-babygal

[angelicmichael]

Oohh, could you please write the nonsexual prompt sharing a dessert for Outpost Michael and reader? Who wouldn't want to share a dessert with him? Thank you so much. You really are an angel 😇

A/N: anon you are too fucking sweet omg 🥺💖 I hope I didnt dissapoint with this, I'm sorry it's so late and unnecessarily long!! Lmfao. The dessert eating is at the end if anyone wants to just skip to that part hehe. I wanted to write some mutual pining so.. that's why this fic is so fucking long lol

Warnings: eating, food, lil bit of sexual tension, very brief mentions of Millory and also Gallant x Michael 👉🏻👈🏻

Living in Outpost three was beyond miserable. Constantly being treated as a second class citizen, as a gray, was definetly doing its number on you.. Every day that you continued to stay alive in this hellhole you swore you slowly descended further and further into madness. Eating gelatin cubes.. being around the same exact people, day in and day out.. with nothing else to do but to clean, with no end in sight was only a recipe for disaster.

And disaster seemed to come with a name; Langdon.

You didnt believe him when he announced that he was going to pick a select few to take with him to the sanctuary; you knew that was fucking bullshit.. but you had to admit - it was amusing watching the other outpost residents finally get a spark of excitament in their eyes. A reason to be alive.

You watched him take interest in mainly Gallant and Mallory; and that's when you felt something.. distant yet familar. Yearning; attraction, and maybe even jealousy.

It reminded and made you nostalgic of old emotions that you used to feel regularly; which now only visited you vaguely whenever you caught Michael stare for a second too long at either of them.. but it wasnt your job to monitor the relationships that were allegedly occurring.

You kept your head down until you begrudgingly got an interview; honestly surprised at first that Langdon seemed to be giving you a shot at salvation at all.

You were even more surprised at how the actual interview seemed to unfold; how disgustingly touch starved you were and the way in which you reacted to him. You were praying that Langdon didnt notice how your entire body was littered with goosebumps the second he touched you - a harmless gesture with his hand lightly touching your back when he walked by. Or the pure exhilaration you felt when he brushed a tear away from your cheek.. It was honestly embarrassing.

Even more embarrassing was how much you craved to see Langdon again as soon as you left the first interview.

The days following the first initial interview were torturous for you. Your days and even nights became infested with thoughts of Langdon; his blonde locks and light blue eyes even started to follow you and become familar in dreams..

You couldnt stop thinking about him.

You knew it was stupid to crave romance; it was utterly irrational. For one, if Venable were to even catch you looking at Langdon for a couple seconds too long - you knew she would want your head on a stick. That's not even to mention how jealous Gallant and the other residents would possibly be, if anything were to happen.

These thoughts were not realistic though  because you knew Langdon never viewed you like that. He treated you just as he did anyone else.. maybe even worse. He always kept his words short with you and rarely made eye contact most days.

For those reasons; you wrote off your newfound romantic thoughts about Langdon as nothing more but dumb daydreams. Just something to keep you occupied in the day while you tried to make the outpost look spotless. You figured it was a result of being beyond bored; your mind trying to find something to make life interesting once more. Anything. 

That was.. until Langdon invited you for another interview. One interview quickly turned into another.. and another.. and another until seeing Langdon privately was nearly the new normal.

The more you two continued to meet; the more your feelings for him only grew but you still chose to conceal them - well, to the best of your abilities anyway.. there was only much you could hide. However; if you didnt know Langdon prematurely, you wouldve thought he was a idiot or just purely naive for not picking up on the obvious crush you had.

It had been a couple nights now since you had last seen him.. And yet here you were; having another sleepless night that consisted of thinking of dumbass Langdon.

You stayed awake sleepless in your bed. Or.. the bed that was meant to be yours anyway. Nothing like felt home or like it was truly yours at Outpost Three though. You stared at the ceiling hopelessly; wishing you would be so lucky to feel a wave of drowsiness that could hit you and carry you off to your dreams.

You immeadietly sat up and nearly jolted out of bed when you heard three loud knocks rattle your door. The sound was distinct but haunting.. your immediate thought was Venable.. you could only help but to think what the fuck you had recently done to piss her off.

You swiftly walked through the nearly pitch black room and opened the door absentmindedly; trying to not let your paranoid thoughts control your actions and let you hesitate.. just in case it happened to be Langdon.

You would be lying if you were to say that you werent dissapointed when you found no one there; only a letter lay folded neatly on the floor.. directly in front of you.

Snatching it and opening it within the safety of your room; you had to hold back laughter when it was from Langdon - another invitation to go see him.. but it was marked urgent.

You nearly dropped the letter on the floor immeadietly; it wasnt as if you had anything else to do - you already knew you werent going to be able to sleep tonight anyway. You immeadietly took off, albeit as quietly as possible, off to Langdons office. Trying to keep your thoughts of what the hell he wanted to see you so badly for, at bay.

When you reached his room, you didnt bother knocking. You slipped right inside - knowing that knocking would only possibly wake Venable up or alert other residents of your whereabouts. Shutting the door behind you, you slowly approached him.

He sat at his desk; quickly turning around to face you as you entered. His light, ocean colored eyes were wide in what you could only guess was surprise that you came so soon. His mouth was slightly curved into a subtle smile.

"Hi". You uttered with a airy, soft laugh.

You first stood, knowing he would most likely want you to take a seat but you would rather wait for instructions than to just.. assume. You knew Michael had little to no tolerance but surely enough, he nodded at the seat that was directly across from his at the desk.

"Sit". Michael instructed, his gaze followed you as you steadfastly did as you were told.

You realized how carefully Michael was studying you as you walked over and took your seat.. and maybe it was because of the absolutely horrible lighting but you could swear you could almost see blood rushing to his cheeks..

Was he.. blushing??

You sat, completely puzzled as you watched Michael suddenly act flustered.. His motions changing from smooth and calculated to nearly awkward.. and.. just rather odd in a instant. He looked as if he wanted to say something but no words were spoken, that is - until you made the first move.

"Is something.. wrong"? You asked, trying your hardest to bite back laughter.

Seeing Langdon act so.. not like himself was basically pure comedy to you.  Although you would never admit that outloud of course.

He now looked uncomfortable; licking his lips and clasping his hands together at the table before speaking.

"(Y/n), I have to talk to you about something". Michael admitted.

His expression changed from looking rather nervous to serious again; his mouth in a straight line and the muscles in his face relaxed.

You were quite literally sitting on the edge of your seat, your stomach started to do somersaults as you desperately tried to rationally think of what he wanted to say..

"Yeah, of course. What's wrong"? You prompted, your voice coming across as unsteady.

You tried your hardest to not let your voice shake as you spoke, although you were more than certain it showcased exactly how you felt.

Langdon unfolded his hands; appearing to study his rings momentarily before his blue eyes pierced yours - looking as if they were staring right past you.. Not necessarily at you at all.

"Look; theres nothing wrong. You just need to know that theres no need to be nervous around me anymore". Langdon stated matter of factly.

He maintained eye contact with you; diligently waiting for a response as you actually tried to comprehend what he was saying.. Was he implying that you were going to the sanctuary?? Or.. possibly even something else?? Something more?

Your confusion must've been apparent on your face because before you could say anything, Langdon cut in.

"That's not why I asked you to be here with me tonight though. I wanted to.. reward you". He said.

You felt as if your heart had skipped a beat; nearly feeling woozy as your cheeks heated up. A reward?? Saying you felt speechless was a incredible understatement.

"A reward"?? You echoed your thoughts aloud.

Your words came out slow and strained with pure anticipation for what was to perhaps happen. You thought for a split second this had to be some kind of sick joke, or some kind of sick manipulation game. You wouldnt really be surprised; you overheard from the others he was famous for pulling that kind of shit.

"Yes, For giving me company. Close your eyes". Michael answered.

You immeadietly, and dumbly followed orders. However; as soon as you closed your eyes you felt fear pierce your heart. The uncertainty and possibilities of what could happen was jarring - but you had to admit it was also thrilling.

The past few months had been so fucking predictable and boring, a bit of excitement was well over due and actually.. probably healthy. Even if it was fucking terrifying.

You could hear him moving, and then something being placed on his desk in front of you. You first felt your eyebrows furrow as you opened your eyes unwillingly. Pure surprise forcing you to do so and to disobey Langdon.. oh fuck.

You opened your mouth to utter an apology but.. your gaze first caught onto the object in front of you.. leaving you speechless and with your mouth agape.

You marveled at the small slice of cheesecake was that put in front of you.. It looked entirely to good to be true; this had to be a dream.. or maybe a nightmare??

This last time you had eaten anything with any kind of remote flavour had been eons ago. Those memories served you well and made your horrifically boring days a little less painful.

You continued to blankly stare at it; not daring to move, or breathe but.. to just enjoy the view. You were half expecting for this to be some of torture again; for him to rip it away from you but a part of you reassured you that.. this was different. This was him trying, and being genuine.

You looked up to meet Langdons eyes as they intently studied you. A faint smile gracing the corner of his lips. A beautiful sight you rarely got the priviledge of admiring.

"Have some". Michael said, nodding down in direction of the dessert. "I thought you would appreciate the gesture. I cant imagine the shit Venable gives you is enjoyable". Michael sneered with a hint of laughter.

You couldnt help but to let out a giggle as well, looking down once more and noticing that the plate was also embellished with two forks.

"Thank you, Michael. You should have some too though, I dont want to be selfish-" You started, unfolding your hands from your lap and beginning to push the plate towards him.

He quickly stood up and walked up to you, stopping until he was beside you. He grabbed your wrist, tight enough to make you wince but not enough to cause any actual pain - making eye contact again.

"No.. I want to watch you have the first bite". Langdon said.

In a split second, the chair that was once behind his desk materialized right next to you, directly behind him. He sat down, watching you intently as you started to feel stupidly nervous again.

Your hands trembled a bit as you reached to grab the fork, swiftly taking a piece and then  quickly consuming it. You figured the faster you took the first bite - the less nervous you would be.. but his gaze continued to linger on you; intensely watching.

The pleasure you were momentarily wrapped in was insurmountable to anything you had previously felt in months. You had to ground yourself in order to not let a moan escape your mouth.. The rich flavor tasting so unreal; almost too good to be true.

To be completely honest, you forgot that Langdon was there at all until you noticed him grab a fork as well. Also taking a bite and continuing to watch you - clearly amused with your reaction.

You two continued to eat in silence; meanwhile you momentarily began to get lost in your own thoughts yet again. You knew he didnt have to do this; he very well could've just.. had the dessert with someone else, like Mallory, or even enjoyed it by himself, but he purposefully chose you...

Your cheeks grew hot at the thought of how he seemed to subtly state that he returned your affection. You knew there was no way that he didnt know that you harbored feelings for him; the way in which you acted flustered in his prescience had to be a dead give away.

An hour or so later you walked back to your room; the night slowly cutting into the early hours of the morning but you really couldnt care less. You really didnt care about anything, even if Venable found you. The last thought you had before you took a very shortlived nap, was how much of a sneaky bastard Langdon truly was.

Taglist: @mina672 @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakewaterxx @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @beyond-repentance

[insert-cleverurl]

solaine copies her dsmp meta twitter part one

preface: i wrote this on february 13th and am now archiving it over here on tumblr before i get around posting it to the actual archive (of our own). i'd like to clean it up before i go there, becuase i wrote this at like one am lying in bed and typing on my laptop that was sitting on my stomach. it's a lot of rambling. i go on a lot of tangents. it is not the cleanest nor likely most accurate meta you will ever read.

how characters (children) on the smp learn from history rather than repeat it: a thread

aka: stop liking the other one you fucks i opened the wikia so i actually know what happened now /lh

context here is that i had earlier made a much less coherent thread (not that this one is very coherent) with the caveat that i was going entirely off memory

this thread is mainly going over how tommy + tubbo both emulate and turned away from wilbur + schlatt respectively, and how i think that's going to reflect in ranboo's arc

"as long as i can't be the next jschlatt, you can't be the next wilbur." okay we all know this. it's obvious from this point on that both tubbo and tommy saw or had fears of how they were each developing into scarily familiar people - schlatt, a dictator, and wilbur, a madman.

starting with tommy, the parallels between his exile arc and wilbur's pogtopia arc are immediately, and glaringly, obvious. paranoia, trust issues, "maybe i'm actually the bad guy here", and most notably, intense loneliness. wilbur made it obvious he believed pogtopis's allies would all abandon them in the end (them being he and tommy, though how much he trusted tommy by the end is also up in the air), and he was completely prepared to kill anyone he had to in order to secure pogtopia's victory, despite also preparing himself to be the one to end it. wilbur gave up on l'manberg, at the very end. he believed tyranny was all that would ever reign, so he blew it up.

tommy, in his exile arc, was also despairingly lonely. he hallucinated tubbo, grew attached to dream, etc etc. tommy was very very close to "becoming" wilbur here (god i'm sorry this is so long already and just me summing things up we already know it's to keep my thoughts in order + satisfy my inability to shut up and use too many words)

where wilbur and tommy go their separate ways is when they were given an out. dream gave wilbur tnt + for tommy, he was. you know. gestures vaguely at logstedshire. wilbur took the out - he gave up. he gave in. we know he had moments of clarity (when niki was in danger) and Maybe this was one he could've had too, but he didn't. he took the tnt.

tommy decided enough was enough. so at a crucial moment in time, tommy turned away from being wilbur. he did not repeat history.

onto tubbo; admittedly i know much less about his arc as president so this will be less outlined. tubbo,,,, acted very similarly to schlatt. probably moreso than tommy and wilbur! strange new laws, ignoring his cabinet, execution, generally appearing to lose his care for the world and the opinions of others. i'd argue the thing that separates him from schlatt is the most important part of this thread, because it proves my point: he remembered.

i just want to clarify here: by "proves my point" i mean this is the clsoest we get to an agreement of the ideas i'm putting out here in canon?? ig?? as in like. this is the most on the nose way to say it. similarly in recent days to quackity consistently referring to his treatment of dream as torture, which seems to be a very "I Am Not In Character" move but is definitely meant for us, the viewers, rather than character dream or character quackity themselves. tubbo's is a little less like that but still it's kind of like pointing at the X on a map for us the viewers. ok tangent over

tubbo lived under schlatt's rule as one of those people he treated extremely shittily. he lived under schlatt's rule as that person he executed. and tubbo remembers all that! tubbo remembers how schlatt's rule played out, and he looks at his own uh, less than stellar time in office, and he admits this out loud (to ranboo, according to the wikia. i am getting all of this off the wikia. i did not watch any streams during this arc.) that he can See himself becoming schlatt.

and when quackity tries to execute ranboo for being a traitor, tubbo stops him.

onto dream and ranboo! dream is a special case in that we never get to see his perspective of things and are rather left to play fill in the blank, and this whole arc is special (in terms of this thread) in that it isn't over. so i will be doing a lot of extrapolating here.

dream starts out as a generally ambivalent character who has very few rules that he pretty much never bothers to enforce anyways (i think? i don't remember).

by this i mean, this is all stuff i heard secondhand in recent months and can no longer remember what it actually was because i never went back to check. i'm pretty sure, but just a disclaimer. i don't wanna get hit with an "um, actually

his villain arc starts very very early - two whole seasons before he really became one. in the war, he is the antagonist and he plays up to it! most of the war is from l'manberg's pov (or that's how we look at it now, at least) so obviously he is the Bad Guy here.

ranboo griefed a house like two days into the server. 'nuff said /lh

ranboo + dream are both heavily vilified characters from the get-go - dream's part should be fairly obvious (uh, the everything leading up the exile arc where he actually did villainous things), whereas ranboo's is most notably during the second festival's aftermath. taking the blame for blowing up the community house, wanting to "pick people not sides" (he wants all his friends to be happy - sounds familiar, right?), etc etc, and now he's with techno and phil, the former of which is Definitely considered a villain for working with dream

now many many parallels are being drawn between he and dream, especially with the whole enderwalking thing. in the aftermath of everything happening, he chooses to stay out of all conflict, until Something Happens and forces his hand. (the egg!) he wants peace for everyone, which again, sounds very familiar, right?

(slight tangent: yes, the griefing was forcing dream's hand. it's nigh impossible to construe it as anything other than a political attack - the vice president of l'manberg griefing the home of the greater dream smp's king? dream looks weak + open to attack if he lets it slide)

this was a bad way to put it but the spirit of it gets across i think. fuck character limit on twitter

that catches us up on all current lore. where do i think dream and ranboo are going to split? dream has been alone in his decision-making basically since the very first war. not once has he (successfully, we don't know if he tried) gone to fall back on his friends' support and ask for their help in making these hard decisions (of which there are many). he severs his final connections ("i don't care about anything on this server") and cements his place in history as a monster.

i think it is very likely that we are getting a ranboo "friendship and relying on other people" arc here. there are other ways they could go with it, obviously, but given his current arctic anarchist ties and what appears to be other friendships developing. hmm! i'm interested. this part is entirely speculation/extrapolation. point being. the kids on the smp do, in fact, learn from history. they still make mistakes sometimes, but past a certain point, they're always different mistakes. they learn, and they almost always get happier endings for it

i don't know if it's a coincidence that it's the three lore-relevant kids who are the ones doing this. i don't think it is, because this is a very well-written and clever story. the younger generation is the one learning and fixing past mistakes and leaving the world better off for it. that's very neat! i like it a lot. also now that purpled's becoming lore-relevant, goddamnit if i don't want to see next season being his "learning from history" arc. punz vs purpled, maybe? that'd be neat. who knows. ok i think im finally done lol ty for reading :)

caveat I forgot to add last night: obviously ranboo and dream start out in very different positions, moreso than both tommy and tubbo. but at the end of the day, all three of them are their own people who just happen to take after other people in some ways :)

again, ty for reading! here's the original thread. i'd like to add that this is probably out of date and i may come back to it some day but who knows. maybe this will just be a relic of before Now (may 25)

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 306 Spoilers Quick Thoughts: Holy Shit, Deku

Ok, I’ve decided to wait until I read the ReadMHA fan translations to make a full “Spoiler Thoughts” post because it’s easier for me to look at them than look back and fourth at various Twitter accounts to get the full picture.  Regarless, THIS CHAPTER OH MY GOD!!!!!!!  I haven’t been this antsy for leak images since the “Dabi is Touya Todoroki” reveal.  I wanted to write this last night, but I was already in bed crying and screaming my head off that I couldn’t.  Now that I have most of it processed, I need to write down some quick thoughts at least to get some stuff out:

First of all, I need to address THE BALLS ON HORIKOSHI-SENSEI FOR PULLING THIS SHIT OUT ON US AND MAKING IT WORK SWEET JESUS I DID NOT SEE THIS COMING AT ALL!!!!!!  THIS MAN BAITED US WITH THE 2ND AND 3RD ONE FOR ALL USERS AND MAYBE SOME THERAPY FOR OUR KIDS BUT NOPE!  HE JUST PULLED THE RUG UNDER ALL OF US AND THEN MADE DEKU LEAVE UA AND GO ALL VIGILANTE ON OUR ASSES!!!!!  I HATE IT HERE BUT I ALSO LOVE IT HERE I-

Second of all, the big topic that we all need to talk about: Deku leaving UA and everyone else to go off on his own.

Out of all the twist Horikoshi has pulled on us, I think this is the biggest and most unexpected one.  I honestly did think that some UA students would quit trying to be Pro Heroes after the war because of how much corruption and trauma has been brought to the surface.  But, Deku was one of the last people on my mind.  Out of all the characters in this series, I would think Deku would stay and prove to everyone that it’s ok to keep striving towards being a hero.  But, no...  He still wants to be a hero, but not the way any of us expected.  

Before Deku left, he wrote and left individual letter for every one of his fellow 1-A students (and hopefully his mom, All Might, Mirio, and Eri (OH, ERI ;~;)).  In it, he tells them the truth about One For All and why Shigaraki and All For One are after him.  Of course, all the kids are devastated.  What’s interesting to me is that we didn’t get reactions from everyone, it was mainly Uraraka.  This makes me wonder a few things:

1. If Deku wrote these out individually (his arms probably mostly healed at this point b/c he’s using them in the last page), I wonder if he wrote anything special for some of them.  Especially the people he’s close to.  Like, I need to know what he wrote to Iida, to Uraraka, to Inko, to All Might, TO SHOTO, TO BAKUGO.

2. WE DON’T GET TO SEE SHOTO’S AND BAKUGO’S REACTIONS TO DEKU LEAVING THEM AND I NEED TO SEE THEM NOW!  I DON’T CARE HOW SAD AND ANGSTY IT WILL BE I NEED TO SEE THEM!  I WANT TO SEE SHOTO BE A LITTLE BETRAYED BY THE LYING BUT ALSO COME TO AN UNDERSTANDING THAT DEKU DID THIS TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE!  I NEED TO SEE BAKUGO WONDERING WHERE HIS DAMN NERD WENT AND MAYBE TRY TO FIND HIM BECAUSE HE WAS THE ONLY OTHER STUDENT WHO KNEW ABOUT OFA!  I KNOW I’M SCREAMING BUT AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The final panel takes place in April, about a month after the war started and ended.  We weren’t given a specific timeline in when exactly Deku left UA, but it’s somewhere within that month.  So, does this mean he’s been on his own for nearly a month?  What has he been doing this entire time?

And that final double-page spread...  Good lord almighty.  It shows Deku standing on top of a building looking down at a villain attacking the city.  He’s in his hero costume but it’s all ripped up and worn out (probably what remains of it after the war arc.  I noticed his air gauntlets and arm bracers are gone too after looking at Deku again.  He still has his iron soles for his Shoot Style though).  He has his backpack on him and what looks like the rest of Gran Torino’s cape.  It hasn’t been confirmed if Gran Torino is alive or dead if Deku took his cape, but I can only assume he died based on Deku’s sad face and that there’s honestly no way Torino survived his injuries I’m sorry.  I’d be shocked if he were alive at this point.

And the last panel...  Deku looks so tired.  The light in his eyes is just gone as he says “A big villain” while looking out at the city.  Bringing us back to Chapter 1 of BNHA where one of Deku’s first pieces of dialogue was “A big villain!” while watching it rampage in the middle of the city.  Everything’s come full circle it seems and in the most depressing way possible.  I feel so bad for Deku.  He’s only 16 and even though his will to be a hero is still strong, I feel like a part of him has died honestly.  That childlike hope and innocence he’s shown since the very beginning doesn’t look to be there anymore.  My boy’s exhausted, Horikoshi, please give him a break.  And give yourself one too.

I wonder, if Deku is still doing hero work, but isn’t at UA anymore, does this mean he’s a vigilante?  I know he has his Provisional License, but does that thing even work if you’re not enrolled in the Hero Program you went to?  Because if it doesn’t, then Deku has technically gone full vigilante.  He looks like he’s about to put his bunny mask on in that last panel actually.  His current state of his costume screams vigilante to me even.  I’m really interested in seeing what Deku’s been doing and what he’s going to do now.  We know he left UA to protect everyone he cares about (because OFA is like a beacon to AFO now), but how long is he going to keep this up?  Is he going to run into Bakugo or anyone else in the meantime?  Is he going to run into the vigilantes from the BNHA Spin-off manga (Koichi, Pop-Step, Knuckleduster) or other vigilantes?  Is he ever going to see his friends and mom again?  Will any of our UA kids drop out of the hero course too?  I have so many questions, guys.  I want to go back to high school shenanigans, but that’s clearly not happening soon.     

Finally, the chapter appears to be titled “The Beginning of The End” or “Opening of Final Chapter”.  Ngl, I legit thought that this meant that the series was really ending like Horikoshi talked about in his last interview.  I took that with a grain of salt, but I don’t know anymore.  This could mean an end to the whole “Academia” part of the story.  We might get a big time-skip like Naruto, One Piece, Haikyuu, and a lot of other manga did before it.  I kinda don’t want this to happen because I like seeing characters grow in chronological order and Horikoshi-sensei has been pretty good at twisting the usual tropes, but I don’t know this time guys.  The chapter ends on a good spot to do a big time-skip if Horikoshi wants.  But, honestly, everything’s up in the air right now.  I have so many theories in my head right now about what might happen next.  This is truly some peak fiction though like goddamn.  I really hope this doesn’t mean that we’re reaching the final arc of the series, but if Horikoshi want it to be, then I have no choice but to respect that.  I really hope it isn’t though.

Me after the insanity that was this chapter:  

[misfit-among-the-angels]

Your burdens I'll bear

Word count: 934 Genre: Just a regular short fanfic. Pairing: Tobias Sammet x Reader Warnings: Mentioning of self harm and relapse. Summary: Reader had some bad mental time and relapse happened while Tobi was on tour, but it's the last day and Tobi is back and he comforts reader.

You also can find this on Archive of our own.

A/N: I've never written a fanfic of this kind and i hope it's good. I mainly wrote it for myself and to comfort myself, but decided to share it because we all need Tobi in roles like this.

I slipped. After being free and happy and clean for more than five years or maybe even more, I suddenly find myself putting a band aid on my arm. I throw away napkins, wipe the last tears from my eyes, and then sit on the bed and grab my favorite pillow, which is his and still has some of his smell on it. And while I’m hugging it, I’m trying to figure out what the fuck happened. My life and relationship with Tobi were going great. He was helping me with my healing a lot. Not only with his never-ending love, but also with encouraging me to seek professional help and supporting me the way he could. Yes, sure, I had some obstacles like surviving when he was away on tour, and of course the first time was the hardest, but I did every one well, and for some years now I was mental illness free and so happy. Up until now. It all feels so weird. I’m all calm and well, but my mind was a mess just ten minutes ago. Maybe it was a nightmare I had… Yes, I know I had some sort of really bad nightmare, but I can’t recall it anymore. Tobi should be back tomorrow, well today, since it’s probably way after midnight. Even though my mind is telling me not to tell him about this, I hate lying so I’ll tell him.I must have fallen asleep at some point because now I’m wakened by the sound of Tobi finally coming home! I know he won’t mind how my bed looks, so I spring out of bed and run downstairs. He heard me coming down, and while I’m trying to figure out where he is, he suddenly hugs me from behind. “Missed you so much, love!”“Ah!” I sigh then smile and turn around. “I missed you more”. I don’t waste any time and kiss him. We keep kissing until we’re both out of breath, and even then our lips almost touch. I giggle. My hands roam around, touching him everywhere I can reach. We share another, this time shorter, kiss.“I miss you, your smell, your touch. Everything.” I smile as I finally take a good look at him. For a minute he doesn’t say anything, but then he looks at the luggage, then at me, and finally he smirks.“Some stuff can wait because I need and want to attend to more important matters.” Tobi picks me up. “And these matters include you and me”. We both giggle as he carries me to the bedroom.It’s close to afternoon when we’ve finally satisfied our needs with each other. Now we’re both cuddled up, resting and talking about this and that.We’re silent for some minutes, but then he looks at me somewhat seriously and asks something that makes my heart jump a bit. “Darling, what happened to your arm? I hope it’s nothing serious”. After his question I feel a shiver going down my spine. I sigh a couple times.“I relapsed,” I say quietly and then hide my face in his chest. I feel tears coming up, and even though the need to hide it is there, I don’t hide it and let them go. He hugs me really close and doesn’t say anything for a while, letting me cry it out. When I calm down a bit, I feel I need to elaborate more, but I’m still too weak to look at him so I keep my face in his chest. “I don’t know what happened. It could’ve been a nightmare that triggered me so much. But please don’t feel bad. It’s definitely not because you were away… Ah, and please don’t be mad or disappointed… I know I was all okay these years….”He listens to me and caresses my hair and back while I talk. When I stop, he kisses my head and softly speaks, “Hey, it’s all okay. Stuff like this happens sometimes. Of course, I’m sad I wasn’t there to comfort you, but I’m here right now and you are safe with me.” I sigh some more while he talks, but listening to his voice and to all he says makes me feel a bit at ease. “Remember what I said that one night. I will ALWAYS help you and support you, no matter what. I was painfully aware back then what I was committing, and nothing has changed after these few years. Only that my love for you grew bigger, and I’ve seen you heal and grow, and that made me very happy. I will help you bear your burdens the way I can because I love you”. I can’t help but smile and get teary again and think that I

have no idea what I did to deserve this man.“Love, please look at me,” Tobi speaks softly. It takes me some effort to do that, but I finally look up at him. He is smiling, and I can’t help but smile too. Then he takes my arm and kisses the band aid. “I love you with scars and other imperfections. And we will solve this problem together”.I can’t help but smile so much at it all and at the feeling of love in my heart. “I love you so so much, and I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but you make me feel so happy and so loved”. I don’t hear him say anything to that, but I kiss him once again. The kiss communicates all the things that cannot be said.

[ready-to-obeyme]

[OM!] Demon Brothers + Hobbies 🏊

Lucifer

what free time

when he does somehow peel himself off of work, he enjoys ballroom dancing

i can just imagine him putting on a vinyl song, holding up his arms and doing the steps to the dance (1, 2, 3... 1, 2, 3) and god forbid someone tries to come in during this time because he’d be too embarrassed to be lenient on their punishment

i imagine he’s super into learning other couple dances too like tango and salsa, so when you get together with him count on being his partner!

i bet he also loves teaching other people things-- like genuinely, considering he is the oldest of the seven (his brothers just test him LOL)

incredibly patient when showing you the steps, taking pride in your improvement and growing warm at the thought of you being able to dance with him at the next chance you get

and his weakness???? online shopping on akuzon 

which, when you find out, makes him extremely embarrassed and depending on whether you have the same past time-- you may or may not buy everything on akuzon

on his home screen interaction dialogue, he says something along the lines of “Akuzon is too convenient... it’s easy to buy a lot of things” while blushing

so I’m thinking sometimes when he does take a breather from his workload, he scrolls on akuzon just browsing for things because it’s quick

and ends up putting like 5 things into the cart  that he doesn’t really need

doesn’t always follow through and buy everything, but he definitely has moments where he impulse buys and it’s gone to bite him in the butt when packages arrive in droves and his brothers are like ??? why are there so many things

Mammon

loves music-- both listening and making it!

likes making his own mixtapes and playlists

and when he gets to share it with you, he’s so nervous; but the giddy happiness he feels when you tell him that it’s good is SO worth the wait and time he puts into his music

he’d be happy just having his mixtapes and music to himself but being able to share it with someone makes it a lot sweeter

definitely makes playlists for and about you because sometimes the feelings he can’t put into words he can tell you through music

idk if he has a recording studio in his room, but i think it’d be pretty fitting if there was

probably gets into composing his music, rapping mayhaps??

at some point likes to DJ as well, though he’s not too good as it rn, but he definitely loooooves playing with the sound effects and tracks

all of these things are him being able to express himself-- put a twist on something that already exists or creating something on his own

it gives him a sense of freedom: to express himself and to do whatever he wants as he pleases

pretty well-rounded when it comes to playing instruments

when he puts his mind to it, he can probably learn anything

most likely already knows how to play the guitar and the drums

has a pretty good voice too tbh

Leviathan

swimming!!

he may be a shut-in, but ya boy has ocean decor, can control sea creatures, so it’s only natural he can swim and swim well

doesn’t do it as often since he prefers watching anime/playing games loads more, but he it’s definitely something he enjoys since it feels like his natural place to be 

considering his dream is to be a professional gamer, it’s not far off to say that he finds it his hobby to start off small and be a youtuber, probably posting reviews of games he’s played or even writing out walk-throughs online

actually loves going to concerts and cons

if he was a fan of hatsune miku you BET he’d want to go to her first live concert with her life-sized hologram, waving the glowsticks in unison with the crowd

would definitely go all four days of Anime Expo where he would be SO happy surrounded by people who can love the same things he does with the same passion

loves creating cosplay to go to these cons by hand; impeccable detail and intense dedication into the craft that shows his love for whatever he’s making

kinda shy about wearing it, but if you’re down to wear any of his costumes, he’d absolutely die happy

it’s just too much love for him to handle in one sitting 

and ofc, hobbies include board games, games, DND, all those!!

Satan

asides from reading, loves traveling when he can whenever he can

he invites you out to places because he enjoys discovering new things and experiencing new things and traveling is the perfect way to do all of that all the time

he’d enjoy hiking too-- on trails, through the wilderness, among the wild; just give him a backpack, an explorers hat, maybe a walking stick (just like the ones in the movies) and he’s on his way!

loves going hiking with you because he likes the way your face lights up at new scenery or the wonders of the world

likes that he can share this enjoyment and excitement of discovery with you because it feels like he’s sharing a little bit of himself too

indoor activity is snuggling in the covers and having movie marathons! and now that he has you and all your movies on DVD (lol) he can now enjoy so much more things

and when he finds out about Netflix, he is NOT sleeping for DAYS

“Satan... did you sleep last night?”

“couldn’t. the new season of How to Get Away with Murder came out.”

SLAM POETRY

doesn’t think he’s very good, but definitely likes writing down in his journal and even some scattered words that form a bit of poetry sometimes

really really shy about sharing it, but if you coax him a little, he’d be willing to show you (though you’ll have a hard time convincing him to show you poetry he wrote about you)

people have said, and I agree, cat cafe is definitely something he’d seek out and enjoy; literal dream come true

a house of cats that lucifer can’t ban him from LMAO

Asmodeus

has a very creative mind and deft hands meant for craft (among other things ahem)

as a fashionable person and a trendsetter, he’d love making his own jewelry and clothes, picking out the beads and metalware for the earrings or bracelets and feeling out the cloth and stitches for his outfits

if levi IS into making cosplay, it’d be such a nice way for them to bond together since Levi is pretty good with picking out material too

i like to imagine he enjoys making jewelry for his brothers too:

a stud earring for mammon, maybe convincing him to explore other options and wear other jewelry too

giving his brothers the options of clip on earrings if they wanted to try something temporary, gives satan a golden bracelet, lucifer a silver ring etc

suuuuuper supportive of you if you wanted any type of piercings and would absolutely love it if you wore his jewelry

god he would bedazzle you in all his jewelry and clothes if he could

another hobby is doing yoga!!

good for the body and soul uwu

definitely gives a good reason for any of his flexibility, or maybe it’s because he’s naturally flexible that yoga is calming for him

also loves to invite you to do yoga with him

you’d definitely get a bit steamy doing certain positions with him, but MOST of the time, he does encourage you to stretch, relax, and strengthen your body

Beelzebub

so athletic he could probably play every sport

i agree with the masses: he’d DEFINITELY be good at hockey

basketball too (just imagine Kagami from Kuroko no Basuke)

you know what they say about big hands

big, strong hands, good for crafting that involves a little more strength, but considering he’s a pretty tender and patient guy, is great at sculpting with clay, which extends to pottery as well

just imagine him sitting near a kiln, spinning the clay and using his hands to shape the curve and notches of a pot

considering how many plates and bowls he’s probably eaten, it makes for a good way to replace them HAHA

good at crafting with glass too considering it requires steady hands and strength to spin glass evenly

enjoys a lot of arts and crafts and loves giving them as gifts, especially if they’re made from his own hands

one of the main reasons why he started and likes doing these as a hobby actually

adores the look on you face when you created a glass terrarium for your plants or created glass ornaments dyed with your favorite colors

would definitely be the type of person to put his hands on yours as he teaches you how to shape the clay and have plenty of fun with you watching you try to make glass ornaments with or without success

Belphegor

during his waking hours, he loves to study the stars

loved to watch them in the human world, but without a night sky, he’s content with looking up for constellations in books from the library

if you buy him the cute lamp that lights stars onto the ceiling, he’ll find you so endearing because he’d enjoy lying in bed with you and just looking up at the lights and being in each other’s arms-- imagining the day he gets to do this with you for real, on a picnic blanket, looking up at the moon and stars

i imagine he’d like to doodle too

i say MAINLY doodles because they’re easier like drawing chibis or whatever thinks is amusing and lowkey keeps him awake (though Lucifer doesn’t like it when he draws on the desks)

does sometimes go all out and draw amazingly well, whenever the mood strikes him

when you ask him, he jokingly says you’re his muse; but honestly wouldn’t put it past him to have drawn a portrait of you, awake or asleep, at some point

surprisingly good at sewing-- or at the very least mending rips and tears

i feel like beel has a lot of ripped shirts (...from being, yknow, ripped) so he’s gotten pretty good at simple stitches, which eventually evolved into something more

didn’t start off as a hobby but he did eventually find it soothing to sew and embroider

levi and asmodeus adore his skills and he grumbles, but doesn’t ever say ‘no’ to them when they ask for his help