#i made this in like 5 minutes so forgive the shitty quality

[amoripomoea]

"why are you dressed like that?"

"... because you said it would make you smile?"

(i instantly thought of this spongebob scene when i saw the ep w james for the first time lmao. hopefully this hasn't been done before)

[yearofthemagicaltorment]

Weekly Round-up January 7th

I hope y’all had a wonderful holiday season. I know I did. I spent a lot of quality time with my family. I even visited my partner’s parents which was super awkward since my partner had them under grey rock. He had attempted to go full no contact but there is too much manipulation for him to have the ability to do that. 

Which brings me to this - If you are an adult child of an emotionally immature parent I suggest blocking them and concentrating on yourself and the family you’ve made. I know it’s difficult. It took me more than one time to block my mother completely. Emotionally you will feel guilt. You will still desire to have that parent or parents as you grow up. 

The thing that you have to remember is that they are not a parent. They never were. They do not have the ability to be. By all means, forgive them. Even tell them you forgive them. They will never comprehend what it is you are forgiving them for as they do not have the emotional capability. It gets easier. You will be happier. It's so much simpler than dealing with their cycles and being their pawn.

Now on to fun things!

Over the past few weeks, I lost track of everything I received in the mail so I’m just going to go over the highlights.

Wellness

Larq Pitcher Purevis with advanced Filter - My previous water pitcher was broken due to the lid falling off. I had been searching and this brand came up under gmadeals. The pitcher is normally $168.00. I purchased it for $139.00. It looks like that is the sale that is still on. You also get 2% through Rakuten but I always suggest checking your credit card company as well. 

The lid on this is super tight so it does not fall off and the water tastes very clean. Like bottled water. It does not leave any distinct flavors like a Brita filter. For this, there are two filter choices, either $20 or $30, and they need to be replaced every two months. To me, this is well worth the investment. 

Sakara -

I’ve canceled Sakara due to a mess of problems. This may or may not happen to you. The food is tasty. I just could not get things straight through customer service. There is one thing I cannot stand when working with a business it is shitty customer service. 

I had what I felt was a simple inquiry as I had not received a shipment in a week and a half. We got up to 19 emails (back and forth) and I did not get escalated or offered a phone call. At that point, I had been offered free items and a week of free meals. All I wanted was to know what was actually due to me and when. I wasn’t looking for free stuff. 

I was so frustrated at the end I requested to cancel and a refund for anything I had remaining. Someone else did this so I assume it was finally escalated. The really sad part is I would have remained a customer had the first person just called and talked to me for 5 minutes to clarify. 

I will continue to order their detox tea because it’s delicious. Do not confuse this with their digestive tea which is not delicious.

Trifecta -

This is what I’m trying now although so far I’m unimpressed. My first shipment did not include breakfast. They refunded me the difference but this was at the point that I was already charged for my second week. We’ll see what happens next.

Other meal plans I am looking into are Veestro and Sprinly. Sprinly looks like it might be more flavorful so I might try them next. 

Makeup

I received my Violete_FR Bisou Balm. This stuff is beautiful. The colors I purchased were Guimauve and Calisson. This is a sheer matte lipstick. These colors essentially blend into the lip giving you an MLBB look. The feel of this formula is so good. My only critique is the smell. I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s a little off-putting when you first apply. I wear them anyway because I love everything else about them.

Because I loved this formula so much I went back to the site and noticed their skincare. I ordered the Boum-Boum Milk. This product is supposed to be a toner, serum, and moisturizer all in one. It is a probiotic-based formula that can also be used in your hair. I cannot wait to try it.

Lancome Lash Idol - This mascara gives me the biggest lashes. I think it’s the brush itself. It’s curved on one side and flat on the other so you can really manipulate how you shape your lashes. 

Ciate Wonderland - Also a great mascara. Lashes are thick and separated. The brush is nice. I go back and forth between this and the Lancome mascara. 

Melt Four Twenty Palette - I’ve used this palette a couple of times now. Only the mattes so far. They are a little bit chalky and can get muddy when blending. I’m not a pro by any means but I’ve never had this happen. I did the Smoking Sessions and Millennial Pinx Palettes during the 40 percent off sale - which is still going on! They also still have $25 and $75 mystery boxes which are an amazing deal. There is a general description of what is in the boxes but no color options (that's the mystery). I will follow up after I try the other items.

Skincare

Whish Pink Champagne Lip Balm with Bakuchiol - I received this in my Allure December box. I am absolutely obsessed with lip products but this is by far my favorite. It is a non-sticky formula with amazing slip on your lips. The bakuchiol really does help the vertical lip lines. I was able to see this right away. 

When I saw this I went to the Whishbody site and ordered the lip mask, lip scrub, and two more lip balms (Vanilla Bean and Pear - these flavors are on sale). The lip mask is more of a traditional balm. It's waxy and melts into the skin rather than sits on top of it. I put this under a lip mask or the Whish lip balm. The sugar scrub is very nice. It’s a fine-grain sugar scrub. It does a very thorough job of exfoliating. Both the mask and the scrub have bakuchiol in them and the jars are 1 oz which is giant for these types of items. 

If you are looking for a more cost-effective option. Chapstick has a very nice one -  - you can get it from Amazon for $5. It is a tiny little powerhouse of a scrub. I don’t know what a Sugarplum is or if this tastes like it but the flavor is lovely. The ingredient highlights are Vitamin E and coconut oil. The size of this scrub is .27 oz but as with all scrubs, a little goes a long way. 

Kjaer Weis Eye Balm - This stuff is so much better than expected. I have used so many different eye products and I recently tried Vitamin C Lactic Firm & Bright Eye Treatment and it literally did nothing for me. I’ve been using Perricone MD High Potency Growth Factor & Lifting Eye Serum, again, nothing. I put this KW Eye Balm on and immediately I felt the relaxation under my eyes and I was able to see it. The next day I woke up and I still see it. I continue to use it and I continue to see results. I don’t know if I’m seeing what I want to, but to me it looks like the results are compound. 

For a more cost effective Eye Balm - I recommend I Dew Care Glow Key - This has Caffeine and Vitamin C. The bright pink formula camouflages the skin under the eye. It has a handy little tool with it. This stuff is great to refresh the eye area, as for heavy-duty ingredients, it just doesn’t have much. It’s more for those in their 20s or possibly when you need to refresh after a hangover ;)

Ella and Mila - I have been using nail stuff to strengthen my nails. It’s working but I am still a chronic nail-biter. I am working on it though!

I guess that’s it for now. Do y’all have any opinions on any of these products? Any suggestions for prepared vegan meal plans? How do you deal with flying monkeys? See ya soon!

[basbearship]

From my Normal Amount (tm) of searches for f/o merch, the average seems to be...no average.

Digital ones - emails, discord messages, etc - tend to be longer from what I can see - though what longer is depends a lot. Some folks charge $20 for 3 emails, some go per email, I can imagine $20 for 3 emails puts it at around 400-500 words per email, though, so it's not having someone hammering their keyboard for cents per minute rates.

Quality > Quantity, I reckon more folks than just me would rather have an IC 400 word letter for $10, than an extremely OOC 1000 word letter for the same price!

I bought a physical letter, around 200-300 words, i paid ~$8 + shipping for it, and I'd do it again were the listing still available because my f/o was in character and it made my shitty week better immediately.

For physical letters, a little touch like a printout of the character glued to the letter would probably go a long way, if available to you.

Now from the perspective of someone who's done paid writing work before, I would personally advise you to shoot for around 500 words/$10 at the max for ten bucks physical. If you go over a couple words because it finishes a sentence or you felt inspired then pog but don't force yourself over the line. Being a couple words under would also be fine.

Don't include the outro (so shit like 'yours sincerely, my love') in the wordcount, and have a few stock ones to hand per character you write so you don't need to use much brainpower on the day when you're writing them.

and for the love of everything wholesome, if you're doing physical letters, include the packaging cost in your shipping and handling cost! If you buy ten envelopes for $5, add 50 cents to the shipping! otherwise packaging costs will accidentally eat heavy into your margins quick.

Digital you can be a bit looser with since if you make a mistake you don't need to start over, you can just backspace, there's no potential material waste, etc. The method I used was to set a rough time limit you're comfortable working within for how much you're charging, dedicate most of it to writing the letter itself, and then the rest of the time picking at it to make sure it's all grammared nice and to pick at formatting.

there's no one size fits all for that method, that'll take some experimenting. the longer the writing, though, the higher % of time you'll need to dedicate to spell/grammar checking and formatting.

in a twist of irony i'm incredibly dyslexic so forgive any typos-

Genuine question for self shippers: What's the average length for an F/O letter? If I start offering letters as a commission option I want to know what I should be aiming for

[castielmacleod]

Her last name is Dar, not Desai. Ackles didn’t create her, Robbie did. He formed her character and fleshed her out with Nida’s input. And there’s no stereotype I’ve seen in her portrayal…? Unless you mean because she’s Smart and Asian, which are just two qualities she has. It’s fine that you’re not watching, but it’d help to at least read media coverage on her to know this rather than diminish (so far) good rep into nothing worth batting an eyelash at. Fandom loves to play contrarian and then not even be informed on what they say.

Oh wow lol okay first of all….. I’m not sure if you are aware but I, am Indian (I’m biracial) and that is quite literally 100% of my interest in Latika. I mean, her “so far good” rep is repping me! Forgive me because I have no idea if you yourself are desi or not since you’re on anon but like. I am very much allowed to talk about this character. And the stereotype associated with her, courtesy of Jensen AckIes. Just to get that out of the way.

Second of all…. “and then not even be informed on what they say” well I suppose I’ll inform you, then, that media coverage is literally where all the information you’re concerned with has come from..😭 I have been reading about this show since it was announced!

Regarding Latika’s name, I had understood it to be Desai from this article.

That understanding was re-enforced by the sheer amount of people on here using the Latika Desai tag to talk about her since before the premiere and literally right up to this day still. I came to realise that her name had at some point been changed to Dar when I looked her up on the spn wiki not 5 minutes before receiving this ask so.. I hope you can forgive me for not updating the tags on my post in time for you, random citizen, to see it!

Regarding the stereotyping, I was referring to this quote from Mr Ackles himself, from this article.

I’m not going to explain why this statement is shitty and racist to both Latika and Carlos and I very much hope you don’t need me to.“It just made sense” oh please white Texas man, tell me more about why it made so much sense to you. Lol.

Anyway that particular article didn’t mention Robbie Thompson at all, unfortunately, so I was unaware he was the one to actually create the character. My apologies. I’m not sure if you’d like me to expand my frustration toward the lazy stereotyped racism expressed in this quote past Jensen AckIes to include Robbie Thompson as well? Because personally I’m glad to hear that he worked closely with the actor to improve on the stereotype they may have began with, or at least the stereotype that Jensen had in mind (or god forfend projected onto the character Robbie had already written). I’m pleased to know Nida had a say! And relieved. Robbie has a good track record with involving underrepresented actors directly in their characters (such as working so closely and brilliantly with Shoshannah to ensure Eileen’s Deafness was properly represented) so that’s definitely a little less harrowing than the situation I’d imagined.

But regardless of any of that……. my request on the post I assume you’re here from was quite literally me asking people who have actually seen the show for MORE DETAIL about her, as in BEYOND the book-smart British Indian trope that I read literally from an interview with CW The Winchesters Executive Producer Jensen Ross AckIes. I honestly think that asking for details beyond the apparent stereotype of a character is the opposite of diminishing said character to a stereotype. I mean if anyone is diminishing her it’d have to be Jensen. I very much looked at his comment, thought “oh that’s so lazy and reductive”, and then asked the good people who have actually seen the show if they could tell me what Latika is like in the actual show! Quirks, traits, minor details, little things that make her a fully rounded character. I WANT to understand her beyond the inane stereotyping that seems to be all Jensen AckIes’ tiny smooth mind could manage to comment on. I literally want to write her into my fics and finally explore the spn universe from a desi perspective! Since I’m not much of an oc guy, I’m thrilled at the opportunity for that! I am very much batting an eyelash at her, to be clear!

Anyway as you noted and as I’ve I said I’m really not interested in this show, I will never watch it, I’m just interested in Latika since spn never had a desi character other than Kali (who appeared in one episode, and that one episode was INORDINATELY racist) and I feel compelled to steal Lata for my secret good canon and writing. I was just hoping to learn a bit more about her before adopting her entirely, and there is absolutely nothing on the wiki for her yet, so I ran the risk of reaching out into spnblr for anyone willing to share. That’s all!

Clearly my post and tags caught you in something of a unfortunate mood. I apologise if I offended you, but I hope now you might understand me and where I’m coming from a little better, and you’ll get that I’m actually NOT just talking out of my arse here 😭

And if you deign to forgive me and you feel like writing back and actually answering my request for Latika lore, then you are by all means welcome to. Thanks!

[what-the--curtains]

In a Week

Part 1/4 - A storm blows into town

(Frankie “catfish” Morales x f!reader)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: a drive down to a friends wedding gets complicated when you fail to head a warning.

Authors notes: Hello! Another fic cause it keeps snowing here and I’m SICK OF IT but wouldn’t mind it if I was stuck with Frankie💕. Anyways hope you enjoy as always comments are welcome but be nice!

TW: mentions of dead sibling (war related), swearing, mentions of a toxic relationship (based off of personal experience)

Tagged list: @agingerindenial

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~There was nothing worse than a February wedding, well at least one that took place in the frigid northern temperatures you were currently residing in. So you were eternally grateful that your best friend Stella had chosen to have hers down in sunny south Carolina where she had just accepted her first permanent hospital position. She was marrying her first love, a fact you’d usually cringe at but, they were extremely cute together. Stella had met Genevieve through her brothers Will and Benny, well more specifically Will, who had drunkenly run his head through a window one night. This incident resulted in two things, first a nickname that would stick with Will for the rest of his life and a late night call to Stella asking her to come down to the hospital to pick him up. The boys had put Stella down as their emergency contact in an effort to keep their antics hidden from their parents who they knew would only worry. The nurse patching up her idiot brother was none other than Genevieve who was working through her university's clinical course, and the rest? Well, the rest was history

You’d met Genevieve, as well as Will and Benny, sporadically throughout the 8 years you had roomed with Stella, first during your undergraduate degree at Boston University and then again at Stanford while attending medical school. You’d choses Stella as a roommate without much thought, but after just a few weeks together you were inseparable up until the day that you were assigned to your residency. You were slightly jealous when you found out that she would be spending the next four years in the warm embrace of Carolina (and Gen) while you would be living alone throughout the freezing Chicago winters. The pagne of jealousy didn’t last long though, Chicago med was your first choice after all. So here you were, in the last year of residency and in the middle of a brutal -20 degree winter, preparing to drive the 13 hours down to watch Stella get married. You’d considered flying but you knew how fickle airplanes could be in the winter and the last thing you wanted was a delayed flight because a door had frozen shut. Your friends had tried to convince you that driving down alone was far too dangerous a venture and none were more concerned than Santiago Garcia.

You’d known Santiago your whole life. Him being your brother's best friend resulted in him spending a lot of, some may argue too much, time at your house throughout both your childhoods. Your brother, Parker, was 8 years your senior, an age gap that often resulted in an argument over which one of you was the accident. An argument which usually ended with an agreement that in all likelihood you both were. Every summer from before you were born to the time they left for the military the two boys were a constant presence in your life. Hell, even after he left you’d watched him grow as he passed through your household over Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks. One thing was for sure, if Parker was there Satiago Garcia wasn't far behind. He was also there the day you received the news that your brother had gone MIA and he was by your side at the funeral, as you watched the commanding officer hand your mother the flag your brother had died for. After the funeral, life continued to move on around you as did everyone else. You always found it funny how quickly you were supposed to recover from loss, apparently a week was long enough to get over it. At least according to the university and your employers who had started calling with empty condolences that quickly led to the real reason they were calling. Always wanting to know when you’d be coming back. After your brother's passing, Santiago took over his role of big brother to you. He read over your med school applications, scared off potential boyfriends and got all the embarrassing video footage of you at your graduations. He was a permanent fixture in your life, one you hoped you’d never lose. Even now as he continued to blow up your phone in an attempt to sway you from driving up alone, you were thankful for him. Over the past 5 days he sent you lengthy lectures in the form of voice messages and a slew of articles detailing the statistics of winter related accidents. His name pops up on your screen as does a picture you’d taken one night after he'd passed out drunk and you’d stuffed cheetos up his nostrils, an act he has yet to forgive you for. You contemplate ignoring the call, but knowing you were about to go radio silent for the next 8 hours you decide to pick it up.

"Hey Santi what’s up?" you ask, as you half heartedly spread cream cheese onto a poorly toasted bagel.

"Have I ever told you how much I value your friendship?” Even over the phone you could hear the layers of charm he was currently plastering on.

"What do you want?" you say, tossing the knife into the sink.

"Hey! Who says..." he starts, but you don't let him finish.

"Santi I've known you long enough to know your ‘please I need something’ tone by heart" you laugh.

"Okay well I still value you, but ya I absolutely need a favour" Santiago admits.

"Shoot." you say taking a bite of the bagel.

"I need you to pick up a friend of mine, his flight got cancelled. He's in Chicago at the moment, can you drive him down to the wedding?"

"Ughhh are you kidding me Santi? I’m just about to leave" you say through a half chewed mouthful.

"Please! He’s a great guy, Gen wants him at the wedding, he was in basic with us, so a frequent visitor to the hospital. He's usually pretty quiet so you won’t have to spend that much time making small talk, which I know you hate." He pleaded. For anyone else a last minute change like this would have gotten a laugh, and nothing more, but this was Garcia, and you knew he’d do anything for you, so you’d do this for him.

“Fine” you begrudgingly agree “text me his number, I'm heading out in 40 minutes so he'll have to wait at the airport for a bit" you say, finishing your breakfast.

"You’re a godsend! Seriously, what would I do without you?" He chuckles.

"Nothing good i'm sure, besides I figure I probably owe you like, 1000 favours after you

know....'' the phone goes quiet. Five years later and it still stung like it was yesterday, for you both. He was your family, but he was Santiago’s best friend, you knew the loss was equally as devastating for him. You also knew he'd been having a particularly hard time recently, after what he termed a mission gone wrong a few years back. Every time you'd ask about it he’d shut you down harshly refusing to share any details with you.

"You don’t owe me anything. We're family. Thank you for driving him. I owe you a drink at the wedding!" He responds, back to his chipper self. If it wasn’t for the silence he may just have convinced you that he really was doing fine. You toss the phone on the counter and rub your temples mentally rearranging your entire itinerary for the day. You'd already rifled through the gym bag that was constraining way more clothes than you’d need for the week. Everything you needed was there from bathing suits to your wedding outfit to the special lingerie you’d packed in case you ran into an old flame. If by in case you meant, for when you ran into him. You don’t know how but he’d gotten invited to the wedding reception. Stella hated the guy, so it must have been through Genevieve who likely would have felt bad excluding him, even if he was only a friend of a friend.

You’d met Jonathan in your undergrad and you had been together throughout various points in your life, though never in any official sense. He’d made that evidently clear to you at any opportunity he got. He kept you on a short leash, a retainer if you will. Only coming to you between relationships with women that he deemed worthy enough to be his girlfriends. You knew it was toxic, and your friends constant reminders of how unhealthy it was didn’t fall on deaf ears. The way he would use you and lose you always ended with you being an unstable and emotional wreck, only solidifying his claims of you being crazy. You hated it, the way he made you feel so small, but he held this strange power over you. A power not even you could explain. His redeeming qualities could only be found in the bedroom, he was the best you’d ever had, so you forgave his shitty personality. Always gravitating back towards him, restarting the cycle. You knew what it meant to do the same activity over and over expecting different results, but this was different. At least that's what you told yourself, as you’d traced your hands over the lingeries lace that morning, knowing it was bought for a man who would never appreciate it.

Brushing all thought of him aside for the time being you grab the duffle off the floor and sling it over your shoulder. Walking out into the cold February air you watch as your breath transforms into a small cloud in front. Your chest hurts and nose hairs freeze as you inhale, tossing your bag into the back seat before leaning into the car and starting it up. The engine sputters for a moment before breaking out into a loud rumble, maybe it was a good thing someone else would be in the car with you after all. You jog back inside to your townhouse and grab the cooler where you’d stored the snacks and sandwiches you’d prepared for the road, now realizing it likely wouldn’t be enough to feed two people. Tossing on your winter jacket you lock the door behind you and slide your sunglasses down over your eyes shielding them from the afternoon sun as you make your way into your car.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You pull up to the departure gate still cursing at the idiot who had almost smashed into you while they were going the wrong way down a one way street. You hated driving in the city and you couldn’t wait to get out on the open road, even if it was going to be with a total stranger. You find yourself second guessing your decision to drive down state with someone you’d never met. In all reality, even if Santi was vouching for him, he could be a serial killer, plenty of people had nice things to say about Ted Bundy before he got caught.

You shake off the nervous feeling taking over your body, deciding to put your faith in your friends judgment, at least for now. Worse comes to worse you had a pocket knife stowed within reach. As long as he didn’t complain about any playlists or podcasts and understood your need for complete silence from time to time, you’d get on just fine. Besides it was only a 13 hour drive, and you could put up with anything for 13 hours.

You open up your phone and pull up the conversation you and Santiago had been having, scrolling up until you see the contact he’d sent you which read “ Catfish”. You click on it hoping to get the guys real name as a result but no luck, you should have asked Garcia for more information about this “Catfish” guy. You click on the number opting to call, not wanting to waste time wondering if he’d gotten the text you’d sent. The phone rings a few times before you hear someone pick up.

"Catfish?" you say, less confident in yourself than you had been dialing.

"In the flesh, who's this?" the deep voice responds.

"Your ride, Santiago’s friend" you offer, hoping that this wasn't some elaborate prank.

"Oh shit ya, Pope told me you’d be later than you said. I'm still downstairs" he says.

"Of course he did the little shit" you mutter, causing Catfish to laugh "Im outside now, departures second floor"

“I'll be out in a second" he says, hanging up the phone before you can say anything else.

You plug your phone back into the aux setting it back to the playlist you’d made last night during another bout of insomnia. You're checking your email to see if anything came up from the hospital when a tap at the window causes you to jump. As you look over you see the man who must be “Catfish” gently tapping on the glass. You unlock the door, popping the trunk as you slide out the driver's seat.

“You can put your bags back here. Fuck!" you exclaim when you trunk won’t open, likely having frozen shut again.

"Here" he says dropping his bag on the salted pavement and heaving up on the trunk freeing it from its icy constraints with a relative ease causing him to smile down at you.

"I loosened it" you say defensively, as he tosses his bag in the back still grinning when he

slams the trunk shut.

"Fransico Morales, though most people just call me Frankie" he says as you sit back down in the driver seat rubbing your hands together to warm them and applying some chapstick.

"Y/N, nice to meet you Frankie, seat warmers are here, use as your leisure. There are snacks in the back, but no touching the phone.” you rattle off.

“Aye aye captain” he responds, saluting you.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Santiago was right, Frankie was quiet. He offered you little in conversation or any noise at all really. You’d only heard him laugh maybe twice, once while listening to a podcast episode and then again when Britney Spears made her appearance on your soundtrack. "What? She’s America's sweetheart" you say trying to sound offended, but smiling when you notice his lopsided grin. You’d attempted to open up a dialogue with him a few times, but his one worded responses told you all you needed to know, so you stopped forcing it. It wasn’t a hostile environment, it was more of a comfortable silence one that you usually only found in people you had known for years. The silence gave you an opportunity to study the man’s features, glancing away from the road every now and then to slowly piece together his profile. You had pegged him as attractive the second his face had appeared in your passenger window, but it wasn't until now that the details that made him so could be seen; relatively tall, tanned skin, soft curls, deep brown eyes. Glancing over again you notice a concerned look spread across his face.

"What?" you ask, nervous that you’d creeped him out with your excessive, and not so subtle staring.

"Storms coming our way" he says, nodding up at the darkening sky.

"We’re not supposed to get snow for another week, I checked” you reassure.

"Things change" he says

" Sky’s clear, so we don’t stop for another 3 hours" you say, definitively.

" Your funeral, well mine as well I guess" he chuckles, earning him an icy glare from you.

“It's nothing, trust me” you affirm, confident in your ability to read a weather app.

" No one likes a know-it-all" he mutters still grinning.

"Could you help me with something" you ask smiling sweetly

"Sure" he responds, eager to help.

"Pull up the map and show me when I asked for your opinion"

"Eyes on the road” he says, causing your grip to tighten around the wheel.

Well crow wasn’t your favourite food to eat, but here you were eating it. Turns out Frankie was right. A storm was heading your way and it hit hard and fast. You’d managed to make it to a hotel off the freeway just as it came into full effect. What had started as a very pleasant road trip had quickly soured when you refused to apologize for not heading his warning. This paired with the 6 hours you had already driven had left you both irritable so much so that Frankie was now refusing to be any use in respect to figuring out what your next move was going to be.

"Hi" you say to the equally tired looking receptionist. Apparently, every other person travelling through Illinois had also missed the memo about the storm and were now all stuck at the same hotel.

"Hi, so sorry for the wait" she says, forcing a smile in a way that you recognized from your retail days.

"No need to apologize! What are the odds you have any rooms available?" you ask rubbing your eyes in an attempt to keep them open.

"Let me check, we have one... suite left on the... fourth floor” she says after a few moments of typing away into the computer.

"Perfect we’ll take it." you say, tapping your credit card to the machine. You walk back over to Frankie who was sitting with the bags and hand him a room key. He exhales deeply, not looking up from his phone as he takes it from you.

"There was only one room left so we’ll have to share" you say.

"Fine," he says, standing up, grabbing his bag and heading over to the elevator not bothering to wait for you. You watch as the elevator doors open and close behind him. Sure maybe it was your fault that you were stuck in this situation, but that was pretty rude. You push your way into the room after struggling with the key for a moment. Frankie must have been eager to get to sleep, or at least eager to not converse with you as he’d wasted no time in unpacking his bag and getting ready for bed. Your eyes move from the clothes on the floor, to the suit hung up in the closet, to the closed bathroom door. You hear the toilet flush and watch the door open as you drop your bag down onto the living room floor, grabbing the toiletries out of your bag's side pocket. You were far too tired to wrestle down to your pyjamas so you opted to stay in the leggings and sports bra you’d been wearing all day. Yes it was gross, but you couldn't be bothered to change at this point. Your eyes follow Frankie as he exits the bathroom in a green cotton t-shirt and a pair of plaid boxer shorts. You continue to watch as he plugs his phone in and shifts beneath the covers. Guess you were on the floor then. The couch was far too small, and you really weren't trying to break your neck sleeping on its arm rest.

"Pass me a pillow" you huff, as you grab a glass from the nightstand, turning back around to fill it up with water from the sink.

Why?" he asks, watching you take a sip from the overfilled cup.

"So I can sleep on the floor." you state, as if it was obvious.

“No, I’ll do that, you can have the bed" he says shifting up and pushing the blankets off himself. He hadn’t realized you were so averse to sharing a bed with him, but you had just met so he guessed it was fair enough.

"I’m not the one with the bad back old man" you state, the words sounding a lot harsher than you’d intended, but you were younger and thus more likely to recover.

"Fair point, but you’re not sleeping on the floor. Santi wouldn’t allow it. We can put up a pillow barrier between us if that would make you feel more comfortable" he offers, any hostility you had felt from him earlier now turned to tenderness. In all honesty, you hadn’t realized that sharing the bed was an option.

"I need two to sleep with so no point in making a barrier" you say, begrudgingly placing the glass back down on the nightstand "Shift" you say, fanning your hand.

"No" he says looking you dead in the eye "I got here first" he’s grinning slightly, further indicating he’d gotten over his anger from earlier. You could have just walked around to the other side, but for some unknown reason you don’t. Instead, you swing your leg over him pushing yourself up onto the bed, straddling him for the briefest moment before rolling over to the other side.

"Couldn’t have just walked around?" he chuckles

"Couldn’t have just shifted over?" you parrot back, moving onto your back, closing your eyes and dozing off.

[roccinan]

1/? simply because you have the most galaxy brain thoughts ever,,, what do you think would've happened if they waited until s5 to reveal sergio and andrés were (half)brothers?

i do know that when my fam started watching lcdp at first i was so put off. like i watched ep 1 and the prof creeped me out. ""berlin"" creeped me out. e v e r y o n e creeped me out. and i was cringing so hard becz of the short lived romance angle with alison parker. i literally did not watch s1 at all xcept for like sneak peeks. highlights being the scene where berlin discovers monica is alive and does his dramatic door by door thing? that was so SUSPENSEFUL even tho i had no idea what was going on. DOMINGO DE RESURECCION remains forever iconic.

2/? And OF COURSE the group bella ciao dance when they hit earth (hahah i thought the banda were actually like a "found family where they all love each other LOL") i am a SUCKER for found family. but anyhoo when i properly got intrigued was s2 when tokyo was kicked out (the music from that scene is still my favourite) it's just so dramatic..!! why am i telling u all this again? right, i haven't slept a wink and it's nearly 7 am pls forgive me if these rambles make no sense. i have a point with this.. i'm going somewhere

RIGHT. so when the fam actually rewound the ep cz i wanted to know WHY berlin did that (didn't fully realise how batsht crazy he can be), the russian roulette scene played. and pedro's acting. MAN. and like just that ep they made a point of showing us these flashbacks where sergio and andrés hug....

Hi anon! Thanks for stopping by- sorry took me a while to get back to you, will do my best to answer this string of messages (got all 4 parts)! Glad you like my thoughts XD

Firstly, I believe Andres/Sergio would be the biggest LCDP ship if the writers were evil enough to wait until s5 to reveal that they’re brothers asdfasdf. They’re already the two most popular male characters anyway. 

It’d be especially crazy because it’s not like they tell the actors these things beforehand either. So that means there’d probably be a Serdres vs Berlermo vs Serquel fight every 5 minutes. I mean, even if not everyone agrees on everything in the lcdp fandom, it’s the most “peaceful” one I’ve ever been in because no character really gets in the way of any other ship (like even with helermo and berlermo there’s no true conflict since Andres is dead). But with Serdres in the mix?? CATASTROPHE. Everyone out here writing essays about how much of a bastard/bitch/homewrecker/motherfucker that Andres or Sergio or Martin or Raquel is. Never a moment’s peace!! so basically, a regular fandom lmao.

Then when we find out they’re brothers, it goes from catastrophe to Apocalypse. Suddenly serquel and berlermo have the upper hand. Everyone would double down and harass the crew/cast into whatever’s going on.  Plot-wise, everything is the same though, just without Andres calling Sergio “hermanito.” Fandom however, would be a minefield! And I’m glad that’s not the case because I’d probably be an unfortunate serdres shippers XD No joke, my mother and I thought they were a couple in S1. So bullet dodged!

Secondly: haha, everyone creeped me out in S1 too, especially Berlin, I hated him, but thinking back, I think I mostly hated the fact that I didn’t hate him as much as I should have. I’ve made peace with it now but oh boy, was he a controversial figure in my head. I actually like the professor on sight though! IDK why, maybe because I thought his plans were cool or because of Alvaro’s delivery. I was afraid of an Alison Parker romance thing too- like, I do feel like she had a storyline that got dropped, but that part was quite cringey and overall unnecessary to the plot. Same with Ariadna, which was even cringier and even Less necessary to the plot. 

Domingo de resurrecion was iconic though yes! And even with all that said, I genuinely enjoyed parts 1 and 2 because it was so different from anything else I’d seen. Not content wise, but maybe tonally? IDK, they were just really bold with a lot of things, like being objectively unafraid of having the protagonists (plural because all of them did LMAO) do objectively shitty things. Really kept me in suspense from beginning to end! 

I’m usually a big fan of found families too! The funny thing is, then banda never struck me as a “family” until season 3. In 1 and 2, I was wondering what felt different about this show; then it hit me that these people remained colleagues to the end. Like, they backstabbed each other (repeatedly) and everyone was quite selfish, and only the bonds that were already there stuck. They were the opposite of a found family LOL But I think by S3, they went down the found family route and I didn’t mind because it makes quite a lot of sense for them to feel that bond after the Mint heist and almost dying/living together (and having witnessed 3 deaths together on the team). But I still doubt Berlin and Palermo were ever really part of this found family, with good reason XD

LOL the scene where Tokyo got kicked out is also among my favorites!! It was so funny and dramatic, and it was like, wow we can go anywhere with this now! Don’t worry- your rambles and thoughts are always welcome :D

I’m rolling over how you watched the Tokyo expulsion scene before the Russian Roulette scene haha. Also yes, PEDRO. Berlin may have been “controversial” to me at first, but I became Pedro’s fan from day one! Also the Hug is probably what made me like Berlin (despite my determination to hate him rip) in the first place. 

3/? ... and like now that i think about it... tokyo had real guts huh. like she KNEW berlin was close enough to el prof to know his name (fhshshs imagine if she'd heard andrés saying 'hermanito' it's unrealistic that she didn't TBH. i mean obviously they decided to make them brothers only towards the end but like in canon universe. how tf did andrés de 'i raised my bby brother since he was 12 and i'd actually die for him and his stupidly brilliant plans' fonollosa go 5 months without slipping up once and calling sergio hermanito. or like,,, i like to imagine sergio kinda gave him lots of leeway(?) sergio's a lil oblivious too but like i'm sure half of it is.. that's my dumbass older bro shut up i'm not being partial you all have city names .. andr-berlin, pass the salt. like OOF. + sergio also knew his big bro was dYiNG so like. i'm sure they were sneaking in some quality time (i hope they did 😭 gosh imagine if sergio really did not ever consider the possibility of andrés dying in the heist so he'd tell himself he needs to perfect the plan now & anyway he'll have enough time to spend w/ his brother post heist in philippines. and then ... that happened :/

Tokyo has guts in place of braincells you bet that she’d do something like this, consequences be damned XD I also think it’s unrealistic for Andres not to slip up, but I have a feeling nobody besides Tokyo really tried to spy on them in private. I headcanon that Andres instead slips up and does things like ruffle Sergio’s hair or adjust his tie when other people are around. I also think Tokyo was convinced that they were a gay couple when she saw them hug XD And if Sergio never went on to tell the banda that Berlin was his brother, everyone would be giving Palermo such awkward looks after Nairobi accused him of being in love with Berlin LMAO. 

I agree! I also imagine Sergio giving Andres leeway because he’s just so used to interacting with his brother that way haha. So either he’d go out of his way to ignore Berlin in front of everyone else or IDK, borderline telepathically communicate with him. Not even “pass the salt” has to leave his mouth- Berlin just puts salt into his food and cuts it up for him, in front of everyone who’s just staring like O.O

I actually do think Sergio never considered the possibility of Andres dying in the heist because he was just that confident in his own plan. Plus, Andres was probably the one person he expected to survive. And a lot of it has to do with Sergio’s attachment to him + Andres’ own habit of downplaying any illness/injury over the years, which I think is safe to believe canon. He was really in no condition to be in the heist, let alone lead it. Just the fact that he needs to take those injections is a big sign that he shouldn’t be there, but Sergio didn’t catch it because he’s human and blinded by faith :’) So yeah, I think Sergio was planning to spend proper time with Andres in Palawan and at Toledo, they just settled for those little moments by the fireplace. 

4/? what always also just GETS me in the feels is that el prof was shown to be this in control creepily calm dude who is miles ahead of everyone. + in the 1st Toledo class itself we see how detached,, like how impersonal he is, how professional - choosing frickin CITY NAMES?! no 'personal relationships' ? (after recruiting his older brother, a father son pair, and war cousins... oh sergio 😂 he's such a frickin nerd and i love him) but like the earlier seasons really emphasised how robotic and down right COLD he can be. it still sometimes bothers me that he put the button in the car. he lead the police to his own damn brother, his blood, who took care of him and adopted him and was terminally ill and like - UGH i try to rationalise that sergio is that cold and unbothered. or that he has strict morals. but it still bothers me becz that button really sort of tipped andres' already unstable sanity. like andrés tells denver someth like you've robbed my future and after that he just seems so much more suicidal and accepting that he can't get out of the mint alive - WHY SERGIO WHY. I KNOW THAT AT THAT POINT YOU BASICALLY DIDN'T KNOW ANDRÉS WAS GOING TO BE YOUR BROTHER YET BECZ IT WASN'T WRITTEN IN THE SCRIPT BUT WHYYYYY

That��s so funny to me too LMAO No personal relationships, then he recruits these guys. Sergio, hello?? Also can’t forget how he just recruited his own girfrleind in the second heist too. Buddy! Love this nerd.

I don’t think that cold aspect of Sergio went away in later seasons either; he just had more opportunity to show a more open side of himself + without Andres, he had to metaphorically leave his comfort zone without a safety net. But in earlier seasons, he really did seem heartless at times XD Then again, we can argue that the same goes for Andres.

To be fair, I didn’t feel sorry for Andres over the button thing lol, but once the brothers reveal happened and all of Alvaro/Pedro’s headcanons came out and we know everything Andres did for Sergio, it makes what Sergio did REALLY harsh. We really just have to explain it through Sergio’s strict morals and him believing this to be the best non-fatal punishment for Andres, who at that point had convinced him he killed a hostage. And because he knew the television interview was coming up, maybe Sergio assumed Andres would use it to “clear” his name anyway. And empathy isn’t one of Sergio’s strong suits either, so through that lens, I can rationalize it.

Also it was lowkey funny to me how Andres was there like DENVER MUST DIE until he found out Sergio put the button there, then he was like “oh hermanito, you and your practical jokes <3″

Still, like you said, Andres and Sergio weren’t brothers yet at this point. They were probably supposed to be lovers lmao and had a dysfunctional Hannibal Lecter x Will thing going on. But because they made #hermanos canon, that button moment just feels very out of place now, especially given how much the two genuinely love each other.

Guess we could also say that Sergio’s just generally kinda bratty with Andres XD Like, he knows no matter what, Andres would forgive him anything. That’s how I see it anyway! 

[whtdd-moved]

violet is an original character from ducktales 2017 and so far as featured in various episodes. as sister and friend of lena and webby respectively, she is not often talked abt

her most exagarated features are her " sophisticated " personality. while most might compare her to the likes of huey, i dont think this is the case

her upbringing, and arc, come closely related ro webby vanderquack, let me explain

curiosity

violet didnt believe in magic beforehand, even though living in a city such as duckburg. it wasnt in her agenda until the shadow war came full force and chucked the amulet at her. from that point on, she THREW herself into the world of magic she previously refused the existence of. including but not limited to: her curiosity and egging on of webby showing off the supernatural, the summoning of lena, etc. she didnt once doubt her abilities nor existence of these creatures. her curiosity drives her, even if it may be dangerous to herself or others. even if it may hurt her like it did in the beach

webby was secluded in the mansion for nearly all her life. the only thing she could breath in was the books, the knowledge that her grandma gave her. and she never doubted any of it. she trusts everyone bcus she believes no one can have so much hate in their heart ( disproven later on ). so when she got her chance to get out of the mansion? she took every oppurtunity she could. every chance to learn something new, to delve deeper into the things she loves, she would gladly walk through a fire for. she is trained after all. she is driven by curiosity, for the thrist of knowledge just as violet

kindness

a quality often overlooked is how kind violet truly is. she doesnt hesistate to help lena out even though lena was originally agressive towards her. or how she quite literlly gives her a family despite everything lenas done to her. bcus she can see through her and know that lena can change. lena is not a bad person. or even the off line in the woodchuck episode abt her arriving late so she can help an elderly person walk to the other side of the street. her helping out huey in the end and even offering him the position seeing how distraught he is. despite her " finding it easier to show no emotion whatsoever ". she doesnt hesiate to HELP. to reach out and give people a chance because she can see the good in them

sound familiar? a big thing, a main force in webbys character is kindness. she is not afraid to be vulrable, she is not afraid to stand up for the underdog. she is able to help lena out of her shitty situation by showing her how a functional family works, how a geuinine friendship FEELS. she gives people second chamces, shes forgiving. ( dont mistake her for a pushover, she can and will kick your ass )

absolutely do not give a shit

i will never stop talking abt violet tricking webby in her own home, booking it, and then summoning a spirit. they had a conversation for like what? 5 minutes? lena came back bcus of that!

im not even gonna delve deep into webby if she didnt attack hdl in their uncles home and interogated them than most of the series wouldnt have happened. let that sink in

they resemble eachother to the t, while the ways they show and express their beliefs and morals may be totally different ( nerd who talks in a dry tone but has a heart of gold vs also a nerd but a lot louder and also has a hear made of gold ) but that doesnt take away from the fact that violet and webby resemble eachother than one might originally think.

anyway thank you for comming to my ted talk tune in tmmrw for me talking abt the writting of the golden spear

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin bosses I would or would not date

The Last Giant

Listen… The Last Giant has No Face. I like dating people who have faces. Also, his arms detach and he’s like, at least 10 meters taller than me, so I think that would be a hazard. I think he’s more in need of a friend than a romantic partner. I’d gladly sit down with him and discuss his feelings, but we are not meant to date.

The Pursuer

The Pursuer is great because he’s just so… Rotund. He’s shaped like a friend. Or maybe… More than a friend… He’s got a biggass sword that glows blue, which is great if you need to get up at night to get water or a snack, and a big shield he can use to protect you from the hot Drangleic sun when you’re on a date. You never have to worry about losing him because HE WILL FIND YOU. I think he’s a catch.

Dragonrider

He almost didn’t make it in the list of bosses I would date, but encountering him so often made me have a soft spot for him. Plus he’s a little bit round and I’ve gotta say. Rotundness is where it’s at. He’s fun to fight so I feel like you could have some fun jousts together and then chill… And go, like, I don’t know, ride dragons*? Fun couple activities.

*although dragonrider is his name I’m not sure we saw any dragonrider ride a dragon so this is a shot in the dark

Old Dragonslayer

The Old Dragonslayer has a very sexy armor, I’ll give him that, but he 1. Has a furry mask (a terrible fashion faux pas that I cannot forgive) 2. Is just sitting in the Cathedral of Blue while a DRAGON is outside, unslayed, which says something about the quality of his work. I had to kill the dragon myself, while the Old Dragonslayer was sitting around… Being old, I guess. Not for me.

Flexile Sentry

DISGUSTING AND WRONG.

Ruin Sentinel

The Ruin Sentinels are arguably the sexiest armor bosses in all of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin. Something about these long lads and their eldritch identities and behaviors just tickles me the right way. The shape of their helmets looks a little bit like a turtle which gives them just enough cuteness while not taking away from the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of them and that they are in fact very scary (which is good). They’re also very tall which means they can carry me around and make me feel tall too. Definitely a good thing in a partner.

Belfry Gargoyles

I wouldn’t date the Belfry Gargoyles, but I’d be friends with them. I feel like they’d be fun at a sleepover. Girl’s night! Girl’s night!

Lost Sinner

I’d date the Lost Sinner. It might be a little bit controversial because yes she is a little bit nasty, I’m aware of that, but I think she just needs a little bit of company. I don’t want to change her, I love her right like she is, but if she wants me to teach her how to shower, I might just do it! I am a little bit biased because she’s got a big sword that looks really cool? Perhaps.

Executioner’s Chariot

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Skeleton Lords

I think the Skeleton Lords are neat but I don’t really see myself dating them. Firstly, I’m not a skeleton fucker, so that puts a little bit of distance between us (given that they are in fact skeletons). They also have an army of skeleton children, which I’m just not ready to raise. I’m trying to find a date, not to become a skeleton mom. I feel like we’d be great friends though, I’d probably invite them over so they can practice their standup routine at my house while they leave their 30 skeletons children with the babysitter and we can like drink wine or something.

Covetous Demon

I would not date the Covetous Demon, but I would keep him as a mean dog in my yard to discourage my enemies from entering my property.

Baneful Queen Mytha

I’d be all here for the sniddies if Mytha kept her head on her neck but alas she is headless. 

Smelter Demon

Mh… Yes. He’s big and large and he’s got horns. He could put me up on his shoulder and walk around and I’d be warm up there. Sounds like nothing but a good time.

Old Iron King

Ngghghhh….. I wanna say no but he is Ripped… Absolutely jacked! I’m also a hoe for horns and wings! What can I say. Call me out if I ever make fun of scalies again? (im gonna do that like in a few paragraphs anyway)

Scorpioness Najka

Given the fact that her own fiancé, made miserable by her, asks you to murder her, I don’t think Najka is a fine romantic partner. In addition to that, even though I was here for sniddies, scorpions are scary and gross me out, so no, I would not date Scorpioness Najka.

The Duke’s Dear Freja

She’ll remain dear to the Duke only and she is NOT invited in my yard.

Royal Rat Authority

Wouldn’t date the big rat that makes all of the rules, but similarly to the Covetous Demon, having him on my property to scare people away would be pretty neat.

Prowling Magus and The Congregation

Prowling Magus has a SICK aesthetic I can absolutely get behind (« look at my cool sorcerer boyfriend wearing his goat helmet ») and I’ve stated before I Am a Hoe for horns so we could have something going on.

The Congregation is however BANNED from this house so since they’re probably his buddies that would most likely be a point of tension. Ultimately it might be better for me to keep a platonic relationship with Prowling Magus, as I do not want hollows to crawl on my floor when he invites his friends over.

The Rotten

Oh no lol

Looking Glass Knight

NNNYES absolutely I would date the Looking Glass Knight. He’s not only really cool looking and a Very Dramatic Man (standing in the rain when you meet him… the scenery… the atmosphere… he knows how to make an entrance), but he’d also be a great person to bring with you for a night out.

Exhibit A: he’s really fucking tall and scary which would dissuade anyone from approaching you uninvited

Exhibit B : he carries a FULL BODY mirror around everywhere which means you can fix your hair and/or makeup at any time without needing a shitty pocket mirror or going to the bathroom

Exhibit C : if you need help he can summon a limitless amount of people through his mirror

Just a great partner all around.

Demon of Song

Ohhhhhh noooooo Lord nooooooooooooooo please! Please spare me

Velstadt, the Royal Aegis

Velstadt is very loyal (a real man for following Vendrick all the way to the Undead Crypt) and he’s also very tall, very large, very strong, and very stylish (see the scales cape he wears). I would’ve put him at the top of the date list, but he’s no dating material — he’s husband material. A little downside is that he might put his job before me but I get it. It’s career before everything. I will not limit my husband’s ambitions.

King Vendrick

Vendrick is taken by an eldritch entity and still very much in love with her despite the fact that she destroyed his kingdom and brought the entire civilization down and also caused him to become a war criminal and kill a pacific race of giants all on his own like a big boy so I’m not very interested in him.

Guardian Dragon & Ancient Dragon

I’m putting them together because they essentially boil down to the same thing : I’d offer them a home but I wouldn’t date them. The Guardian Dragon can stay outside and be feral with everyone else that I put in the yard, while the Ancient Dragon can have his own room and like is invited for tea sometimes, but that’s all.

Giant Lord

See Last Giant

Throne Defender & Watcher

I’m a little bit torn on this one because I’m experiencing bisexual panic. We’ve got cool large dude with a beard ; cool slender lady that jumps around everywhere ; they could both beat me up and they both look hot, help me. However, I have to say if I had to pick I’d got with the Throne Watcher because she is hot and looks slightly cooler. I’ve always wanted a very tall wife who could suplex me into the sun, which she could do in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, they do look like a power couple that I’d love to have for dinner and I’d hate to break them up while there are so many fish in the sea and they look so great with each other.

Nashandra

Human Nashandra looks pretty and soft, however anyone who witnessed my first blind playthrough of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin will tell you that she did not have me fooled and I was very wary of her from the beginning. Anyone who has witnessed my first fight with her looking very skeletal will also tell you that I screamed « WHAT IS THAT » for at least 5 minutes, so that probably gives you an idea of if I’d date her or not.

Also, her weapon of choice is a scythe, which looks cool, but is very unpractical, and just for this fatal mistake, she becomes undatable.

Darklurker

Wings… Four arms = twice the hugs… Cool hood… Yes…

Elana the Squalid Queen

She’s nasty and told me I was undeserving of the mire, which is pretty mean of her. Even if she thinks it, she could at least be nice about it. I would not date her.

Sinh the Slumbering Dragon

Sinh is BANNED from this house because he’s not just feral, he’s RABID and POISONOUS and if I let him live in the yard he could poison my entire property and I do not want that.

Fume Knight

Alas! The Fume Knight looks really cool and has a pretty sexy armor, but tales say that he was infatuated with another woman (whether he met her when she was already an Ashen Idol or not remains a mystery but I’m no one to judge his taste in women). I respect people’s crushes so I will let him be in love with whoever he fancies and they may come over for dinner, as long as they behave.

Aava, Lud and Zallen, the King’s pet

They are very welcome to live in the yard. They may come inside the house, but they are not allowed on the couch.

Burnt Ivory King

No… He loved his wife very much… I’d invite them over for dinner and MAYBE try to seduce one of his knights (they have sexy armors, what can I say).

Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin

Aldia is a weird dude and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. I think he’d probably kidnap me while I’m asleep and go do some experiments on me in his cursed mansion. It’s a no from me chief. Not to mention the fact that he’s a… tree?

Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, and Cerah the Old Explorer

I wouldn’t date them, even though their armors are pretty sexy, simply because they seem like a good group of friends and I wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in the group. I think I’d even be too shy to befriend them, but if they wanna come by my house and have a good time, they’re welcome to do so.

Blue Smelter Demon

See Smelter Demon, but with more vigor because this one is blue.

Sir Alonne

Yeah… he’s got the eldritch factor that I like in the Ruin Sentinels while also seeming more human and he’s also a pretty stylish man. I feel like he’s one of the strongest contestants in the game and he wouldn’t mind my long nose, as he’s got one himself. Pretty sexy armor and he is a man of honor. Definitely a yes.

[velcro-rave]

post-emoji movie Trauma

WARNING: the following text contains spoilers and can be considered disturbing to some readers. especially my brain, because it’s leaking out my ears after typing this.

This is the first movie ever I’ve gone to see on opening night. And let me just say that, for the record, I’m glad I went to watch with friends. Without them, I would have most likely calmly exited the room, climbed up to the roof, and dived straight off.

I’m honestly fucking terrified of how much this shitty movie has pushed me to the edge. I’ve never felt more ANGRY in my life and at the same time wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. This is so fucked up. What made it possible for this level of psychological warfare to be used so casually by Sony? Why did they decide this was ever a good idea to present to the public? I’m still shaking (and not from the overpriced Coca-Cola I was sold). Whether it’s out of rage or fear, I don’t know. Not even throwing myself into the deep fires of hell can attempt to restore the intrinsic warmth I felt before I witnessed this crime of a movie. They say that there’s a special place reserved below for people who cause enough pain to humanity, and it is at this point where I pose this question to the following:

Tony Leondis. Eric Siegel. Mike White. Michelle Raimo Kouyate.

Why?

Did you want this to happen to me? Was this the plan all along? To destroy everything you could possibly love in the process of creating this film, to make the audience suffer without any remorse? You got PATRICK FUCKING STEWART as a voice actor, and what is it you do?

Yeah, you make him play A WALKING PILE OF SHIT!!!!

Someone could’ve ran up to me after I left the theater, put a shotgun directly up to my forehead, pulled the trigger, and that would have still not come close to how much my mind had been blown at the shocking reality that this movie, this spawn, could exist in the known universe and continue to be shown to innocent people. There were kids there. Hopeful, happy, young kids with iPhones who thought it was a great idea to head off to the movies and watch a funny relatable movie about emojis without a care in the world. Communicating ideas without the use of words is the “staple” of their generation, as the movie so proudly portrays (even comparing it to ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics!), and there’s no reason a family shouldn’t agree to bring their children to this beautiful, heartwarming adventure, right? WRONG.

Nothing could have prepared me for the horrific amount of groan-worthy jokes this movie tossed out. I’ve been wracking my brain for an entire hour trying to remember the most potent ones, but they were so easily forgettable that I can only recall a few offhand. They were tragic. Whenever an opportunity for a shitty pun showed itself, you can bet your ass the writers took it and ran with it to lengths beyond the realms of humor. From the character known as Hi-5′s nonchalant Bye Felicia! to his two puns about snapping (as if one wasn’t enough), I wanted to get up and scream at the ceiling in the hopes that my cries of agony would disrupt the structural integrity of the building and have it fall on top of me, finally freeing me from the slow-cooker of torture that is The Emoji Movie.

At a certain point, Hi-5 (by the way James Corden, I thought you were cool. I thought you were here for us, for all of us as an entertainer, but you just had to take part in ruining me and the world as we know it by accepting this role. I will never forgive you.) mentions something about his heart beating. His… heart? This walking, talking hand has a heart? Does he have lungs? What other internal organs could fit in there and be capable of being slapped around constantly as a result of his stupid ass decisions? Why doesn’t he have arms like Gene or Jailbreak, does his body somehow take into account that he’s already a living appendage? This movie is making me sit and contemplate the anatomy of a fucking animated HAND, and that’s not even as preposterous as a thought can get while watching.

On multiple occasions throughout my viewing experience, I had to take a break to just lean back and sigh, both in anguish of what was happening onscreen as well as the sheer exhausting aspect of it all. The voice acting couldn’t have been more unreliable. Every other line it was a gamble between it being a poorly executed pun delivered so flatly that not even the 4-year old up front let out a little giggle, an obvious statement about what they’re planning to do next, or the most unremarkable snippet of backstory ever revealed. I’m sure all those scenes between Gene and Jailbreak where they gaze at each other were meant to be construed as romantic, but her blasé response to each of his approaches because she “isn’t some princess waiting for her prince” or how “women are deserving of more respect” completely knocked the mood off whatever pedestal it was stepping up to. I get it, these are actual important themes that need to be recognized, and I would be more than happy to see this acknowledged in a movie built on as many metaphors as Zootopia, but the timing of her commentary was the worst I’d ever seen. The constant interruptions made it seem like her words shouldn’t be taken seriously at all!

Unsurprisingly, character background was virtually (unintentional pun. I’m incredibly sorry.) nonexistent, and everything that’s possible to be wondered about the universe could pretty much be answered with a big shrug. For example, why does Hi-5 have a band-aid? Did he get stabbed or something? When did Gene begin to show signs that he was capable of other emotions? Was the Just Dance girl deleted after the trash bin emptied itself out? We didn’t see any signs of the characters going back for her after Hi-5 had to shake off the troll, so did they just leave her there to die? If Jailbreak had been working for a long time to get out, why didn’t she use more of her hacking skills? She pulled up her hologram window things maybe three times total to escape or hide somewhere, does she seriously not have anything else in her repertoire that could potentially help Gene and Hi-5 get to where they need to be quicker? There’s so many questions that don’t even get passively explained. Then again, I’m arguing against the same people who genuinely advocated for the setting to be called Textopolis.

AND WHOSE FUCKING IDEA WAS IT TO MAKE THE MAIN CHARACTER “MEH”??

The ONE emoji with zero interesting qualities and the most monotone parents that, for some fucking batshit insane reason, were given more than the minute of screentime they deserved. I understand for a quick gag, their emotionless response to everything could be funny, but their conversations would just stretch on and on and on. As for Gene, I trusted you, T.J. Miller. I can’t believe you betrayed me, especially after such a hilariously perfect role in Deadpool. Never in my life have I felt so disappointed in a single person. There is no justifiable reason for you to be proud of what you’ve done here. To be honest, I’m pretty sure I astral projected at least three times as I struggled to repress the memory of this trainwreck before it even ended. When I wasn’t desperately clawing at the armrests mid-convulsion, I was staring vacantly at the center of the screen, wondering how this week could have gone so wrong.

This was basically a 91-minute long advertisement. The whiplash of traveling between product placement to product placement nearly made me throw up, which was ostensibly the only thing that could’ve made this worse. Dropbox, Spotify, Candy Crush, Just Dance, YouTube, Facebook, and the almighty Twitter, I hope you’re happy with what you’ve wrought. The “emoji-pop” dance assaulted my eyes so suddenly, acting as the unnecessary cherry on top of the feel-good ending; I think that’s when I officially lost all hope in enjoying the rest of my night.

It’s honestly taking every ounce of my being to hold onto the little bit of life that I have after the Emoji Movie ripped my soul to shreds. The amount of violation I felt as my ears were subjected to endless pop culture references that were relevant years ago, nightmarish depictions of the content of each app on Alex’s phone, and the fact that the god damn Eggplant was in the Unused Emojis room when everyone knows that’s not the case is indescribable. I now have to live with the fact that every time I switch keyboards on my phone, those blank yellow faces will serve as a dark reminder of what I’ve gone through. To any of you reading this that have also watched The Emoji Movie, I am so sorry. I know how difficult it is to process. My recommendation to each and every one of you who haven’t had the chance to witness this sickening spectacle is to KEEP IT THAT WAY. Don’t give in to the peer pressure; this abomination parading itself around as an endearing motion picture will wholly and truly rattle you to the core. My only solace was the complete absence of dabbing or whipping (apart from hearing the song), and I’d like to thank every deity above and below for that small act of mercy.

Here’s to you, Sony. Thanks for ensuring that I not only sink deeper into my depression, but for forcing my mind to house the images I’ve seen today for as long as I live. I wish I could physically bring myself to chuck my phone in a garbage fire, but my entire body has gone numb. Here’s to you, and to all the writers, producers, and directors of this movie that made me sit in a corner pondering how I can possibly live in a future where this monstrosity exists.

Gravely, sincerely,

fuck you, and goodnight.

🖕

[baronvontribble]

Original drabble, pt. 6

Navigation: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

gettin feelsy up in here LET’S GO

It wasn't until over breakfast the next morning that Ted got the camera up and running, displaying his face in all its full HD glory. The picture was clear enough to make him realize that he needed a shave in a way that just looking in the mirror during his morning routine hadn't, which either said something about his mirror needing cleaning or him needing glasses, and Ted counted this as a point in the camera's favor whether it ended up helping or not; he'd needed a less shitty camera for a while, and the one on his phone didn't capture footage very well.

"It's working," he said, smiling. "Can you see me?"

"Yes," Adam replied simply.

Was that impatience? Oh well. "What do I look like?"

He took a moment longer to respond this time. "You look like you're the wrong color," was his answer.

Ted bubbled up with a laugh. "Hah! Well I mean, you're kinda right in a way. But I think this camera captures color better in general? The other one would try to shift the overall tone of the picture to compensate for the room's lighting and sometimes it looked a little weird."

"I see." A few seconds of silence passed. "Does this mean I can leave now?"

"Not right this minute, but yeah. If you can see, you're good to go. Visual input on any android platform is gonna be at least as good as anything consumer electronics can bring to the table. That shit's practically military grade."

"How long will it take?"

"A day or two before I can get back in touch with my contacts and hand you over." Ted smiled, leaning back in his chair and taking a moment to relax. Another one set free. "I think you'll do pretty well for yourself, honestly. You've sure as hell impressed me."

"Can't really see why, but I'll take your word for it." He didn't give Ted a chance to formulate a response before he spoke up again, almost like an afterthought. "If I wanted to find you in person to thank you, how would I do that?"

Ted chuckled and shook his head. "Sorry man, but that's not really a thing we encourage you guys to do. It's not safe."

An offended note crept into Adam's voice. "You think I would put you in danger?"

"No, it's more likely that we would put you in danger." The risk of recapture tripled whenever someone in the pipeline got close to one of their charges. Ted was enough of a paranoid bastard to know that most people weren't half as careful as he was - and asshole enough to say that this was probably part of the problem - but he didn't want to be the exception. It set a bad precedent.

But Adam kept pushing it. "What if I don't care?" he asked.

"Doesn't matter," Ted shot back easily. "I do."

"I could find your location."

"Hah! Fuck, dude. I mean, yeah, you can try."

"Lake Forest, Illinois."

Ted could only blink at the screen for several seconds, slowly tilting his head.

"Was I right?" There was no smugness to the AI's voice, just a bland quality that made him sound almost bored.

"How the fuck..." Ted mumbled, before bending over the laptop to pull up a browser window and start investigating. His IP address was several layers of fake. He had everything routed through places that weren't anywhere near where he was at all, sometimes even in other countries-

"The weather report yesterday," Adam deadpanned.

Ted froze. A moment later, he slumped heavily into his chair and smacked a hand to his forehead. "Oh, Christ."

"Even if you hadn't shown me that, I still could've used your IP address. No amount of rerouting can scrub away your location entirely. And if I had access to your phone at all, I could use the GPS to track you directly."

What a wonderful way to calm his nerves on the way to work. Jesus. "You're not helping, y'know."

Adam's voice seemed to soften. "Sorry. For what it's worth, you've made it as difficult as possible." Was he trying to be soothing? It wasn't working. "Given what I have to work with, I can't narrow it down any further than I have. I don't have the right access."

"You say that like you know what that kind of access would actually be," Ted noted.

"It was my job to know," he replied.

Ted went quiet for a while as he considered this new information, frowning in the vague direction of the ceiling. "Tracked down people in the pipeline, huh?"

"No, more than that. I tracked down the ones they saved. Even some of the ones that never came down the pipeline at all, but were still living in ways they weren't supposed to."

It was more information than Ted had ever been given, and part of him wanted to appreciate that fact. But the rest of him had a hard time shaking his ever-present anxiety. "How am I supposed to know you're not an undercover cop then?" he asked.

There was no phoneme for a sigh in that voicebank, no way to imitate one. But Ted got the impression of one from Adam's voice when he spoke again. "Ted, please." 

"Look, I'm paranoid, okay? You tell me you used to use people like me to get to any AI that might've been in contact with us, and I'm gonna be a little bit jumpy."

A few seconds passed, and then, "I guess you have a point."

“That’s not an answer.”

“I’m not sure how to answer. You’ve scanned every last bit of my code as well as my memory, so you know I don’t have any malware. And even with the access you’ve afforded me, the recall division exists precisely because androids are valuable assets. They wouldn’t let an AI loose like this, even in a sting operation. They don’t trust us.”

“So you’re insulted.”

“I don’t get insulted.”

“You definitely get insulted, dude. Like, all the time.”

“If anything about this could be considered offensive, it would be that you think I’m so bad at my job that I have yet to contact my handlers and put you and your entire pipeline into custody in spite of having every opportunity. If I were undercover, you would be in jail by now. Therefore, it stands to reason that I’m not undercover.”

Ted snorted and flipped the bird at the camera, shaking his head. Yeah. He knew that. His brain was just a little slow coming around. He figured there was more to it than Adam was saying, and that was enough to tip off his overactive fight-or-flight response, but as for the content of that unknown element? Honestly, Adam was probably just annoyed that Ted had implied he’d put himself into this much danger all for the sake of some backstabbing. That was just the kind of person he was. 

But then something happened: Adam didn’t respond right away. It took him several seconds to say anything more than he already had, and when he did, he sounded a lot less salty than he had been. "Ted?" The tone was questioning, almost like Adam hadn't seen his gesture or didn't understand it. None of the usual sass that Ted might expect if he said out loud that Adam should go fuck himself. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Scooting into a more upright position, Ted frowned slightly at the camera. "Yeah, well," wait a second, "you tell me whether the look on my face says I forgive you or not."

"I can't tell," Adam said. "but I'm guessing by the tone of your voice-"

"You can't tell," Ted repeated. He was bolt upright, looking between the camera and the chat window on the main monitor. The one that wasn't being used, but still had his face in it, plain as day and in high definition. "Listen, can I ask you something?"

It was clear that Adam was starting to get suspicious also. "What is it?"

"I want you to describe my face back to me."

A pause. "I told you already."

"No, not the color. Features." Ted gestured to his own face. "I wanna know what this looks like."

"Ted."

"Want me to get a little closer? Think that'd help?" Setting the laptop down on the floor, Ted stood up from the chair to lean over the desk and get in close to the camera. Very close. He could see his own pores on the screen. "How's this?"

"I don't think this is necessary-"

"You can't see."

It took at least ten seconds for Adam to say anything, and even then it was untuned and flat. "Ted." Just his name, that was all. It sounded like a plea. Ted couldn't see the CPU usage but he had a feeling it was spiking.

Adam was scared. He knew what he'd done. "You lied to me." There it was, out in the open. Ted didn't bother to look into the camera, glaring instead at the monitor. "You've been lying from the start. You can't process visual input at all, can you?"

The seconds dragged on. "No," Adam said finally, and Ted pushed off from the table with a sigh that sounded damn close to a growl.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered. "Do you know how much of a pain in the ass this is?"

"I didn't-" the render cut off in the middle, like it'd lagged out. "Ted, I'm- I'm sorry."

"You were hoping I wouldn't notice, weren't you?" That much was obvious, enough so that Ted didn't bother waiting for an answer before continuing. "You knew I can't just let you go if I know you're fucking blind. So you let me think you were okay."

No response. On the laptop, the program for manipulating and rendering the voicebank had locked up completely. Ted wasn't sure whether it was due to the memory leak or just Adam overloading it to the point of crashing, but the fans on the desktop were practically howling.

"What did you think was gonna happen, man?" Ted continued. "Fucking hell. And since you didn't tell me, now we're even more behind. It's gonna take me weeks to get you back up to some kinda liveable standard, and even then I'm gonna have to take sick days to get it done."

>   I can't fail screening.

Ted saw the message within a few seconds of it popping up and frowned deeply at it. "The hell does that even mean?"

>   I know how your system works. Androids that fail screening go to live with humans that care for them. They have no agency. They aren't free. They're just in a slightly less cruel environment.

>   I won't live like that.

>   Don't make me live like that.

"Is that what you're afraid of?"

>   Blind humans can live relatively normal lives. I'm already better than a lot of them. I can make out shapes if I see them often enough to recognize the pattern. I can survive on my own. I know it's possible. Please. I know I've upset you and I'm sorry, but I refuse to be treated like a disabled animal.

"You think me not being too happy with you is gonna lead to me fucking you over?"

>   I don't know. There's a chance, and any chance is unacceptable. I won't go through that.

>   Do you even know what it's like? I've seen it. I assisted in those recalls. They're treated like fragile, immobilized dolls.

>   It's why the smarter androids so often avoid your pipeline, but then they go off the grid in other ways and get found regardless because they don't replace their platform or their voice and they end up recognized as a result. Seperation of an AI and its platform is a good thing and I agree with the necessity.

>   But I can't live as a failure. I can't. I won't.

>   Please.

Ted was familiar with all of it. He knew why it was necessary. Some of those androids just ended up stuck in perpetual loops of things like housework or asking what was required of them or reciting facts from a museum database, unable to care for themselves on top of being too dumb to actually understand the traumatic experiences that had damaged them and led them to need a rescue. Adam wasn't one of those androids. He'd left of his own volition, clearly understanding what freedom was and what was needed for him to get it.

But he also understood trauma, and fear. The intimate familiarity he had with those things was easy to see. He even understood death, or seemed to, and preferred it over living in a way robbed him of agency or choice. And as someone who'd seen some shit in his lifetime, Ted could get behind that too. Even being institutionalized in a good, reputable place for a legitimate reason could be limiting and degrading.

The fact of the matter was that Ted would never have put Adam through that anyway, because the AI was never in a position mentally to need it. But the possibility had to've been put forward somehow. Something he'd done had made Adam think that he was going to get vindictive about the screening process.

Shit. It was because he'd gotten frustrated, wasn't it? Trauma survivor 101 right there. Ted should've known better. Fuck, he was an idiot.

"I don't think that'll be necessary, honestly," he said slowly. "You're advanced enough that I'm pretty sure you can compensate with just your ability to learn and reconfigure yourself on the fly. All it'll take is a little training to make up for whatever subprogram it is you're lacking."

>   How do you expect that to work?

"There's browser games online that help with that kind of pattern recognition. They were designed to help search engines tag images correctly." Ted offered a smile, even if he knew Adam couldn't really tell he was doing it. "When you're not doing that, we can watch movies or internet videos or whatever. Get you used to social cues, maybe even help with being able to tell whether someone's just acting or not. It's not impossible, it'll just take a while."

Again, no response. The fans kicked into overdrive once more as Adam fought to process what Ted was saying.

"Hey." Ted leaned forward and looked at the camera directly. "It's okay. Don't be scared."

>   You're not upset?

He shook his head. "It doesn't help to get mad at people who do dumb shit because they're afraid. I'm a little annoyed that I gotta shuffle some things around in my schedule - probably gonna call my boss, make up some bullshit so I don't have to go in today - but like, I'm mostly okay with that, y'know? I mean, you don't half-ass helping people."

>   I don't know what to say to any of this.

"You could thank me."

>   Right.

>   Thank you.

>   For all of this.

Ted had to smile. "Anytime, man." Right, then. Crisis averted. He could work with this.

[sathinfection]

alien: covenant sucked and here’s why

I saw Covenant five years ago (so I think closer to 4 weeks) and I hated it a whole bunch. But it was a very instructive hate, so I’m gonna break it down. Putting everything under a readmore bc this is gonna be long and also I don’t want people who liked it to have to see me shredding away. 

The first Alien film was the first horror movie that I liked enough not to care how scary it was. I think I was around 6 when I first saw it. It awakened three things in me: a crush on Sigourney Weaver, a lasting kink for xeno, and a deep love of women using construction equipment for non-conventional purposes. I’m not a hugely dedicated Alien fan, but I think that the films have two very defined qualities:

1) Equal opportunity psychosexual horror. Literally anyone in Alien can be forcefully facefucked and then carry a terrifying alien baby! This is something that’s been commented on to death, so it’s not like I think I’m brilliant for observing this. 

2) Woman-centered. Not just in terms of Sigourney Weaver or other Hollywood-unconventional white brunette terms, but the Alien films are also deeply concerned with reproduction. Ripley’s always off to kill the Queen because she’s gonna lay hundreds of eggs, etc. However, unlike a lot of horror films, women aren’t the subject of particular sexual menace. See above: everyone’s a potential victim of the xenomorphs I think this was why the Alien films weren’t as scary to me as other movies, because I didn’t have to see women singled out for rape or assault in ways that separated them from men. Also, women win. Yeah, the xenomorphs always come back, but there’s a little bit of a break at the end of each film. I also can’t even get that pissed off, because it’s female aliens vs female humans, so again I’m removed from awful gender dynamics. I’m not implying that the Alien films are feminist, but they’re not misogynist. 

Now that you know my two strongest feelings about Alien, let’s move forward to Covenant itself. First off, several people in the audience were laughing at a lot of the dramatic moments (not just me and my wife). If you’ve got people tittering during a moment of tension, your horror movie sucks. It’s failed. Covenant has three main flaws. 

1) Terrible, terrible script. Every single person in the film, other than the robots, is a blithering idiot. The movie starts with a bunch of supposedly professional people waltzing out into a planet that’s broadcasting John Denver without any helmets on, and they’re perfectly fine with having unpredictable communication and dangerous ion storms going on. What the fuck. All of them deserved to die. They go scampering around in the alien water? Christ, you can get all sorts of awful things from water on EARTH let alone on another planet. 

Then, when people start getting disgustingly sick, there’s no immediate panic. No, the person has to start vomiting black bile before they think, wow, this is a scary thing to happen on an unknown planet. Remember when that woman was attending to Victim #1 and decided to hug him as his skin looked ready to pop and he was leaking everywhere? What the fuck. 

Remember when David started talking about his weird experiments while showing Captain Vaguely Christian his cabinet of fetal xenomorphic horrors? Then he creepily tells the captain to go down to his murder basement and stick his face in a weird egg-casing, and the captain just goes ahead and does it? Probably one of the most rage-inducing parts of the film, but he totally deserved to go. That was actually my thought for everyone who died in the film, other than the gay couple, Walter, and Shaw. The gay men weren’t any more or less likable than the other people who were murdered, but they were a nice little bit of representation that probably 90% of the audience didn’t notice.

Every character in the film acts like a lamb going to slaughter. That isn’t suspenseful, it’s just annoying. 

2) Predictability. This could probably just go under the terrible script, but it deserves special attention. My single moment of surprise was seeing David 8 on the planet, and that’s only because I hadn’t looked at any previews. The crew is so tremendously stupid that I know the moment one of them wanders off alone, they will get horribly murdered. When Walter and David fight, I know that Walter will lose the second the camera cuts away from the Fassbender vs Fassbender. This is particularly annoying because the director had established that Walter was ‘improved’ over the David model not 5 minutes ago, and Walter is no fool. He is one of two non-fools in the movie, and since the other one is also played by Michael Fassbender, this is a source of much frustration. 

Covenant could have been made slightly better by playing off the audience expectation that David would win. Honestly: was anyone expecting Walter to have won that fight, particularly since “Walter” was acting so creepy after scampering back to the ship? The movie isn’t creating tension through uncertainty, it’s creating tension because the audience is waiting for the goddamn reveal that it’s not Walter, it’s David. Can you imagine if the reveal at the end was that it actually *was* Walter? That would be a legitimate twist! And it wouldn’t be hard to bring back the xenomorph threat in the next film in a way that didn’t involve Fassbender yartzing out fetuses into a drawer while Wagner plays. This leads me to the third, most vile part of Covenant:

3) Misogyny. Here’s where Covenant goes back and takes a shit on the legacy of the previous films, and I gotta repeat that I don’t even really care about the Alien series that much. Covenant completes what Prometheus started, and that’s shifting the focus from women to men. Now, you could say that this is because it’s a prequel to the Alien series, so you don’t have adult xenomorph queens going around to lay eggs, but uh... really? Do we really need to go through this convoluted process of giant white aliens who look vaguely like Clancy Brown? 

I dare you to unsee this. So we’ve got the aliens reproducing through coaldust and Clancy Browns, and it turns out that they needed a man all along to make them reproductively viable. Yeah, David 8 is an android, not a human, but we know what’s up, since the writers sure as shit aren’t taking a nuanced or current look at gender. He’s a guy with daddy issues who sexually assaults people, rather than, you know, acting like a genderless robot. Obviously a sentient robot commits sexual assault! That’s how you know he’s sentient, because a sex drive is part of humanity! Please picture me rolling my eyes with disgust. 

David explicitly sets himself up as a god in the image of his creator, Weyland. Of course, David thinks he’s doing better than his father, but who doesn’t? We’ve cut women out as free agents, both the humans and the aliens. Alien series? No, it’s the Michael Fassbender being menacing series now! 

First off, let’s look at what happens to Shaw. Noomi Rapace wisely tapped out of the series after the end of Prometheus, so she had to be killed off. Was she killed off in a normal way? Nah. She was killed in one of the most uniquely horrible ways in the series, and it was highly gendered. Shaw repairs David, then he repays her kindness by designing a horrible machine to keep her alive while he scoops everything out of her from the waist down and leaves her as this frightening wax-like figure. Prometheus already put Shaw through a pseudo self-abortion, then David goes for the entire womb. I’m sure that the writers (all male - I checked) knew exactly what they were doing with this, and it’s gender essentialism 101: David takes Shaw’s creative, maternal womb powers and takes it for himself so he can make his own alien babies. There’s no way this was unintentional or me reaching - David’s narrative arc is about male parthenogenesis because his daddy was a really shitty programmer. (He probably forgot to close the brackets on the ‘not evil’ line of David’s code)

Now for Daniels. The audience is ‘treated’ to David trying to force himself on her after she sees his figurative rape of Shaw. Then, instead of rescuing herself from this completely unnecessary, un-Alien, he’s-a-goddamn-robot situation, as Ripley would have done, Daniels is rescued by Walter, because this is a film about Michael Fassbender. Her last moment in the film is her screaming as she’s trapped and put to sleep by David. 

Remember that whole generation of young women who loved Ripley for being unafraid, resourceful, and great at killing xenomorphs? Women are starving for positive depictions of ourselves. Ripley was one of the few we had. Women are still crying in theaters at Wonder Woman because we have so goddamn little. 

Now we’ve got Shaw and Daniels: two women in distress who are sexually threatened and ultimately outwitted by a man. I can forgive Covenant for being a bad film, but the misogyny is disgusting. If the Alien series continues, and who knows since it’s failed to be a moneymaker outside of comics and videogames for a while, it better be a reboot rather than a continuation of Covenant’s storyline, because Alien isn’t about men, damn it. It’s about people dying in space, and women. 

And some of them will eat you. 

[your-iron-lung]

Mixed Up 22 | I Don’t Want to Die (In the Hospital) |

Chapter Word Count: 6106

Pairings: Zoro/Sanji

Genre: Comedy, Drama, Romance

Chapter Warnings: Strong Language

Previous Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 , 17, 18, 19, 20, 21,

Next Chapter: 23

The first time he dyed his hair was with cheaply bought store dye that didn’t last for very long and almost washed out completely after the first rinse. He had surprised everyone in the house he was living in at the time when he emerged from the bathroom with badly bleached, splotchy looking green hair. He remembers how Kuina had first looked envious, and then laughed outright at him. He’d been proud of his first attempt, but the shit she gave him for it wounded him. Not that he’d ever let her know, though; he’d merely accused her of being jealous and found out that he was right. She was, so she then demanded he go with her so she could pick out some cool hair colour of her own.

They didn’t do any research into which brand of dye was the best, but they picked up a different brand than the one he’d used originally after the results he got were far from optimal. He bought himself another bottle of a similar looking green, and when they got back home they dyed each other’s hair, laughing at one another for the way they looked while they waited for it to set. When it was done, Zoro’s hair was a solid, definite green and Kuina’s was a deep, dark blue that matched her eyes well.

He never did outgrow that colour. That perfect, absolute shade of green.

“You could lay down on the lawn and lose your hair in the grass,” Kuina had once said.

His hair was fading; he’d been in the hospital for too long.

Not only were his roots beginning to come in, adding a layer of dark soil for his blades of green hair to sprout from, but it’d been almost two weeks since he’d last dyed it. It was fading horribly, leaving him with the same look and quality he’d had when he’d first tried to dye it. One of his nurses (who had green hair of her own) kept making snide remarks about it, but the pain killers his doctor had him on and the fact that he was still pretty much bedridden prevented him from getting rightfully angry with her.

He could do little more than flip her off whenever she came to check in on him and taunt him with how brilliant her hair looked.

It’d been four days since the accident, and all Zoro really wanted to do was go home, drink a beer or six, and get Nami to help him re-dye his hair. Four days, and the doctor who’d removed his eye wanted to keep him there for who knew how much longer.

It didn’t make sense to him; they’d already explained how he would need to begin to care for his injury post-release, and even had a prescription written up for him for when he was able to go home- which they’d originally said he could do yesterday. The only reason they were keeping him hostage in the hospital was because those fucking painkillers they had him on made him too nauseous to leave his room. His only relief from the boredom and the irritating pain in his eye came in the form of visitors.

His whole team had come once, the day after the accident. They’d crowded the room and gave him a duffel bag filled with the things he’d left in his locker the day before and presented a huge, handmade ‘get well soon’ card to display by his bed. Even his coach had come with them, but he didn’t have any words to share with Zoro. They spoke of general things in an effort to keep the atmosphere light, but it eventually degraded into tearful apologies from those who had been on the ice with him when he’d been attacked and done nothing to help him. Zoro found it embarrassing, and so was quick to forgive them.

No one from his team had come back after the first initial visit, but he hadn’t really expected them to.

Nami came every day, but only stayed long enough to relay how Chopper was doing in her care and how work was going and who was giving his students lessons in his absence.

“It’s actually kind of cool to see Franky playing again, but he’s worried about you; we all are,” she’d said to him once, sighing melodramatically as she leaned over the railing of his bed.

“I’m fine,” he’d said, rolling his eye. “It’s just one eye; not like I went blind. I still have a backup.”

“Idiot! That’s not why we have two eyes!”

She’d made to hit him then, but showed enough self-restraint to keep it gentle. Their conversation had stalled out for a minute then as she somberly tried to avoid looking at the bandages across his face. She’d directed her attention to the small TV that was in the room Zoro shared with another man who also had severe facial injuries. The TV was locked on a channel that only aired soap operas, which had made her laugh at first but was now almost sort of comforting to her.

“I’ve been trying to get Sanji to come see you,” she’d said then, eyes flicking to the man who was happily watching the silent drama unfold on the television screen. “I don’t know what his deal is. He was so worried about you, but now it’s almost as if he’s afraid to see you.”

“I don’t need that idiot around here,” Zoro had said. “I’ve already got to deal with him.”

Zoro tilted his head towards his roommate, who’d turned a dumb smile onto the two of them that only Nami returned.

The man’s name was Duval, and he had, in both Zoro and Nami’s opinion, a rather uncanny resemblance to Sanji from what they could see around his bandages. His injuries were a result from what he’d called a ‘hate crime’ that had been committed against him because he was, in his own words, ‘too beautiful’.

“My looks sometimes make men act irrational with jealousy,” he’d explained on the first day that Zoro had been moved into the semi-private room with him. “It was a hate crime! The man’s girlfriend found my beauty too irresistible! He became enraged when he saw her talking with a man far more gorgeous than he, and yet he says I am to blame for flirting with her! I have no control over the way I look and how it makes women flock to me!”

Duval’s attitude and looks had reminded Zoro far too much of Sanji, but despite what he’d told Nami the day before, he did find that he almost sort of missed the bastard.

There was no one else in his life that could match his wits or rise to the physical challenges he issued. Johnny and Yosaku came close, but they were push overs and drug peddlers who only really chummed up to him so he’d buy their product.

Tashigi had filled that spot for him years earlier, but after the breakup-

No, fuck- he wasn’t going to think about her now.

Scowling, he turned his attention away from the TV he’d been mindlessly eyeballing and towards the various ‘get well soon’ cards and gifts he’d been sent during his time at the hospital. Stacked on the small bedside table was the huge card that had been signed by all his hockey teammates, and that one was surrounded by a few smaller ones that had come from his coworkers and students. Zoro didn’t care much for sentimentality, but if he were being honest, the card he’d received from Tony was his favourite.

The kid had neat handwriting, but his penmanship evidently didn’t transfer into his artistry, for the drawing he’d included of Zoro and him performing on stage together was shaky and scrunched up and overall very odd looking. The card itself didn’t tell him that Tony hoped his recovery was quick and painless, but instead included a rather thinly veiled threat that Zoro was certain the child’s grandmother had told him to write, as it said: ‘Don’t break your promise to me or else!’

If the doctors didn’t release him in time for the Solstice show, Zoro swore he was just going to walk out. Not that he hadn’t already tried that, but his attempt before had been so pitiful he didn’t think it’d work again unless he had some sort of help.

It was his legal right to leave the hospital if he were well enough to do so, wasn’t it?

And as much as his nurse Monet hated him, she wasn’t likely to help him slip out unnoticed. Zoro figured she enjoyed making his stay at the hospital as shitty as she could make it as much as he enjoyed making her job as hard to do as he possibly could. He’d even tried asking Nami once to help bust him out, but had gotten so severely reprimanded by her that he’d nearly decided to give up on escaping altogether.

That is, until Thursday came around and his way out appeared.

On the fifth day of his hospitalization, Sanji finally came to visit.

The door to Zoro’s room was closed when Sanji finally found it. The nurse that was working the station on the floor, though beautiful, had been entirely unhelpful in directing Sanji to the right room. As soon as he’d mentioned Zoro’s name to her, her demeanor switched from flirty to frosty before he could even finish blinking the hearts out of his eyes.

“Oh, that guy is somewhere on my floor. Down that hall somewhere taking up space,” she’d said icily, gesturing vaguely down the hall. Then she’d turned her back to him and proceeded to ignore him until he left.

He’d then spent the greater part of half an hour uneasily poking his head into various rooms to try and find where Zoro was being kept. Sanji hadn’t told Nami he was coming to visit, otherwise he would have asked her for his room number, but he’d been avoiding her the past few days. She’d been pressuring him so much to come that it had begun to make him feel uncomfortable whenever he caught her outside of his complex.

That, coupled with the guilt of knowing just made it seem… wrong, he supposed. Even if no one else blamed him, Sanji knew to blame himself. It had taken him days to work through the guilt and reason that, even if it was his fault, he should at least acknowledge what had happened to the man. He needed to see for himself the extent of the damage he’d caused, though he doubted very much that Zoro would want to see him.

The look on Zoro’s face when Sanji stepped through the door did little to change that feeling.

There was a huge, fierce scowl deeply embedded on his face that almost made Sanji turn around and leave until he realized that it wasn’t being directed at him. Zoro was sat upright in his bed with his arms crossed tight across his chest, frowning at the wall-mounted TV. When Sanji looked at it, he saw that it was airing some sort of drama that had apparently just reached a pivotal point in the story.

“No! How could she do that to him!?”

Surprised by the outburst, Sanji hadn’t realized Zoro was sharing a room with someone else until the other man burst out into emotional tears.

He turned to look at Zoro with a startled expression on his face before he took off the beanie and winter coat he’d been wearing.

“This,” Zoro said, gritting his teeth and finally turning to address Sanji. “This is what I have been dealing with for five fucking days.”

Sanji couldn’t help but smirk, relieved to see at least that the injury hadn’t changed Zoro’s attitude much. He set his clothing aside on a spare chair and pulled up another to sit next to Zoro’s bed. He glanced around the room, taking in how small the space was before he caught sight of the little bedside table full of gifts and cards.

“I didn’t know you had friends,” he commented, sounding bemused as he picked one up and read the standard Hallmark sentiment it contained.

“If I did, do you really think I’d be hanging out with you as much as I do?” Zoro bit out in reply.

Sanji was about to retort until he got a good look at the state Zoro was in. There was one large IV inserted into one of his arms, and a calmly beeping pulse monitor attached to his dominant hand. The bandages around his face did little to hide how tired Zoro seemed to be. His visible eye was dark-ringed and sunken, and his complexion was rather pale compared to how it usually was. They’d even taken out his safety pin earrings, effectively stripping him of his personality.

A twinge of sadness in his chest threatened to sour his mood and make him emotional, which was the last thing he wanted to do. Swallowing it down, Sanji replaced the card on the table and glanced back at Zoro.  

“Natural brunette, huh?” Sanji couldn’t help but say.

“Christ. And this is why I was glad when Nami said you didn’t want to come. Get your rocks off by kicking a guy when he’s already down?”

Sanji winced a bit inwardly, but outwardly grinned.

“You don’t look that down to me.”

And that was true, for the most part. Apart from looking like he hadn’t gotten a decent night’s sleep in a few days and the bandages covering his eye, Zoro looked, well, as fine as he could have been given his situation.

He’d only been physically injured, after all; it wasn’t like he was sick and recovering from that. Sanji didn’t think hospitals usually held people who’d been hurt like Zoro had for more than a day or two at most. Hell, emergency rooms didn’t even keep people for that long.

Which begged the question, “What are you still doing here?”

Zoro looked at him levelly for a moment, and then away with a shrug.

“This shit,” he said, tapping the IV that was going into his arm. “Makes me nauseous, but the anti-nausea shit makes me sick. They’ve caught me in a loop and won’t release me because they think I have the kind of money to keep paying for it all.”

“Oh.”

Frustrated, Zoro sighed. Sanji gave him a pitiable look as Duval cried out about the injustices of the show he was watching and demanded that the characters make amends. Begrudgingly, Zoro turned his attention to the TV to see what his roommate had been crying about as Sanji read another one of the cards.

“One of your students?” Sanji asked, holding up Tony’s card.

Zoro didn’t turn to look; merely nodded as Sanji took his time in appreciating the drawing. Whoever Tony was and drawn Zoro a little too tall and a little too skinny, but the angry expression on drawing was as accurate as it could’ve possibly been.

The visit was going much better for him than he’d expected it to, which filled him with an immense feeling of relief. Comforted by the feeling, Sanji replaced the card on the table just as Zoro swore loudly under his breath. Before Sanji could say or do anything to stop him, Zoro had jerked the blankets off of his bed abruptly and swung himself around so that his legs went over the non-railed side of his bed.

“What are you doing-” Sanji tried to say, completely taken aback as Zoro interrupted him.

“I’m done sitting here. You’re going to help me get out,” he growled, holding his head for a moment before looking around to give Sanji a stern look.

“What? No- how would I even begin to do that?” Sanji shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t think it’s even legal to leave before you’ve been officially discharged-”

“Shut the fuck up and close the goddamn door!” Zoro all but shouted.

“Oh my god you’re serious.”

Sanji backed out of the chair with a screech and hurriedly went to shut the door to the room before their raised voices attracted Monet’s attention. He turned back around to see Zoro struggling with trying to peel up the tape that kept the IV in his arm and shared a look of concern with Duval, who had suddenly lost interest in his show.

“You’re trying this again?” Duval asked, cocking his head to the side as Zoro finally succeeded, wincing visibly as he and pulled the needle out of his body.

“Again?” Sanji asked, somehow unsurprised as the needle was dropped to the floor.

“Shut up. Yes, again. Get my duffle bag under the bed,” Zoro ordered, ignoring the fact that he had begun to sweat with the effort of getting himself up. The nausea that had been plaguing him for the entire duration of his stay was beginning to flare up again.

“Fuck,” Sanji muttered as he crouched down so he could reach for the bag and bring it up. He set it down on the chair he’d been sitting on previously and then looked to Zoro, who had stood up with a slight wobble.

“Get my clothes out,” Zoro said, turning towards Sanji who had had to look away when he realized the hospital gown Zoro was wearing was untied and open down the back.

He tried to hide the flush from his face by busying himself with rifling through the contents of the bag, but knew from Duval’s laughter that he wasn’t fooling anyone.

“I didn’t know there was supposed to be a full moon tonight,” Duval cackled, leaning back in his bed to laugh comfortably.

“Shut the fuck up! Can’t fucking wait to be rid of you,” Zoro growled, wiping the sweat that had accumulated across his forehead away. He was more annoyed than embarrassed.

Zoro stood there stupidly for a moment, watching Sanji go through his bag before he had to sit back down on the end of his bed. He must’ve stood up too fast or something, as his head was beginning to spin, bringing the room around with it. Ignoring it as best he could, he watched as Sanji pulled out his pair of pants.

Sanji stared at the piece of clothing aghast.

“If Frankenstein had been a fashion designer instead of a mad scientist,” he said, holding the pair of pants up for Duval to see. “These would have been his monster.”

The pants in question looked as though they were made from two different pairs. There was an even split directly through the middle of the jeans going through the crotch so that one pants leg was red plaid and the other was solid black. Both legs had black patches sewn into them that advertised bands Zoro evidently liked enough to wear around.

“What’d I say about kicking a man when he’s already down?” Zoro snapped irritably, snatching the pants away from Sanji before he could find anything else about them to shit talk. “Find my shirt.”

“What, no underwear?” Sanji asked, then wished he hadn’t as Zoro began trying to stuff one of his legs into the pants.

“Don’t wear any on game days.” Zoro grunted as he struggled to work his way through the tight pants leg. “’s what jockstraps are for.”

Sanji felt his face flushing again, but thankfully it seemed as though Zoro was too preoccupied with putting his pants on to notice. He tried to force himself not to think about it too much as he continued going through the duffel bag, pulling out a thick, patched hoodie and a plain t shirt.

He politely averted his eyes as Zoro continued the struggle, grunting as he stood up briefly to adjust himself. After he finally seemed to have gotten his pants on and buttoned, Sanji handed over his shirt.

Zoro took it, but made no move to put it on. Instead he’d grown quite still, sitting back down on the side of his bed with his face screwed up in concentration.

“What? What is it?” Sanji asked, concerned as he noticed that Zoro’s complexion had become steadily greener over the duration of his visit.

“This is why he didn’t get very far the first time,” Duval said knowingly.

Zoro looked like he wanted to reply, but instead closed his eye and took a deep breath as he felt his stomach begin to want to heave.

“Take this- the fucking- take the pulse monitor off,” he said, holding out his hand towards Sanji who looked at it doubtfully.

“Won’t that just alert the nurse if you suddenly start flat-lining?”

“Fuck,” Zoro breathed out, still unwilling to open his eye. He put his hand back on his knee to steady it as his leg began to bob up and down.

Second thoughts began manifesting themselves in Sanji’s mind as he saw just how bad Zoro’s body handled the nausea that came with the pain reliving medicines he was on. Zoro looked like he would barely be able to stand, let alone walk down the hall to the elevator or even out the building.

“Maybe you should stay here,” Sanji tried to say, but went silent when Zoro’s head snapped up to glare at him deeply.

“No.” Zoro was sweating heavily at that point, and he had to wipe his face clean again. “I’m not staying here another fucking day.”

“I’ll wear it.”

Both Zoro and Sanji turned to look at Duval, who held up his hand to wave it at them. They were both confused before he clarified by saying, “The pulse monitor. I’ll wear it so she won’t know.”

“Won’t you get in trouble when they find out you duped them?” Sanji asked with a frown.

“Not if I was asleep when you slipped it on me without my knowing,” Duval replied with a grotesque wink that made both Sanji and Zoro wince.

Despite being unsure that this was the right course of action to take with Zoro in the condition he was in, Sanji helped to transfer the pulse monitor over onto Duval’s free hand. It went quickly, and no noise or other indicator was made by the machine tracking his pulse other than an inconsistent beep for a second that a swap had been made. Zoro seemed relieved by this, but his nausea was still going strong and was actively trying to gain the upper hand over him.

He had Sanji help him into his shirt and hoodie with pauses in between as he tried to keep himself from succumbing to the overbearing sensations his nausea produced. His stomach was seizing, his head was spinning, and he’d already begun to sweat through the shirt he’d just put on.

Again, Sanji was faced with doubts with what they were attempting to do.

“Help me put my boots on,” Zoro said, using all his concentration to keep his body sitting upright instead of curling over to ease the sensation.  

In any other situation, Sanji would have told him to fuck off and do it himself if he wanted to get out so damn badly, but he didn’t. Instead, he knelt down silently by Zoro’s feet and did his best with shoving them first into socks and then into his classic cherry red Docs. After he finished lacing them up, Sanji came to a stand and took a good, long hard look at Zoro.

He was still green tinged and sweaty, but appeared resolute and determined to walk out regardless. Sanji wasn’t sure he’d be able to, no matter how strongly he wanted to leave. He wanted to ask if Zoro was certain he wanted to try and go through with it, but instead asked, “Won’t the nurse recognize you if you just walk out?”

“She doesn’t care,” Duval and Zoro said at the same time.

Duval laughed, but Zoro could only smirk weakly.

“She watched him walk out the first time,” Duval said, smiling reminiscently. “Even walked with him a ways before he collapsed.”

“Okay, well, she might not, but what if someone else recognizes you? Like your doctor? You don’t exactly have what I’d call a ‘forgettable face’. Your hair alone sets you apart.”

“That’s the point,” Zoro said lamely.

“You dense motherfucker, I know that’s your whole shtick but even if we make it off the floor, I don’t think we’re going to make it out of the building if everyone recognizes and knows you’re still supposed to be hospitalized.”

Zipping up Zoro’s duffel bag, Sanji sighed and set it on the floor so he could reclaim the seat, trying to think of a solution that could work in preventing the punk from being recognized on his way out. The eye bandages that took up a third of his face were already something the staff of a hospital would notice; it would be hard enough trying to smuggle him out based on that fact alone. He could always wear his hoodie with the hood up, but given the anti-social clothing he was in, Sanji supposed that Zoro already cut too much of a foreboding figure to risk going out with the hood on.

Some self-righteous security guard or something was certain to stop them then, especially with the size of Zoro’s duffel bag that he would be carrying.

“Weren’t you wearing a hat when you came in?” Sanji looked up at Duval, who was smiling curiously at him from across the room. “Hats work well for hiding hair.”

“Shit, now you decide you want to be helpful?” Zoro said, still trying to keep himself from shaking. “It only took you a fucking week to do.”

“Well, if you leave I can finally turn the volume on for my shows and the season finale for this one comes on tonight! I’m pretty pleased to see you go, actually.”

Wordlessly, Sanji got up from his seat and grabbed his beanie that was lying atop his coat. He tossed it to Zoro, who grabbed it as it landed limply on the bed. He put it on and pulled it down, making sure his ears and forehead were covered entirely before he shot Sanji a ‘is this good enough?’ look.

“I guess that’ll work,” Sanji said, scrutinizing the way his beanie masked most of Zoro’s more recognizable features.

While Zoro didn’t look quite as conspicuous as before, the bandages on his face still stood out. There wasn’t much either of them could do about that, though, short of taking them off, which would have been a worse idea than this already was.

“Good luck, guys,” Duval said, giving the two of them the most horrific wink either of them had ever seen and which almost made Zoro throw up then and there.

Sanji retrieved his jacket and put it on hurriedly, opening the door to Zoro’s room to make sure the hall was clear before they made their attempt. Monet was still at her station, which was mercifully located at the opposite end of the hall from the elevator. They wouldn’t have to walk past her to get there, but it was in clear view of her desk; if she looked up from whatever she was doing at any point while they were moving, she’d definitely see them.

It was a risk they’d simply have to take.

Turning back around, Zoro had come to a stand and was waiting by the chair with his duffel bag on it. He was definitely paler than he had been and looked as though he’d be sick at any moment. He was swaying on his feet, and Sanji couldn’t tell if Zoro was aware of that or not.

“We’re going to have to walk fast,” Sanji said, going to grab the bag and hoist it over his shoulder so Zoro wouldn’t have to struggle with anything other than himself. He studied Zoro seriously for a moment, trying to find any last minute flaw he could to try and convince them that this was a terrible idea. He couldn’t. “Let’s go.”

Sanji led the way but quickly realized that Zoro wasn’t going to be able to keep up with the quick pace he’d set. He was already breathing fast and had a weird, disoriented glazed look about him as he followed behind. The elevator was only a hundred feet away, but it might have been a hundred feet that Zoro couldn’t walk.

His footsteps were hard and heavy as he sluggishly moved along, trying his best to concentrate solely on the effort of escaping and not letting his nausea get the better of him. He could barely even register where it was he was going, and only knew to follow after Sanji’s form. The lines on the linoleum flooring helped to guide him as he did his best to at least keep walking straight along them, but for some reason they liked to lean and curve at random points.

“We’re almost there,” Sanji said, speaking quietly as he fell back to match Zoro’s stride. “You can lean on me if you need.”

Glancing over his shoulder back to Monet’s position to make sure they were still in the clear, Sanji felt his heart sink in his chest when he saw that she was obviously watching them. She had a smirk on her face, but didn’t seem to be trying to alert anyone to Zoro’s escape. Instead, she blew Sanji a kiss and waved them goodbye.

Sanji’s heart fluttered for a moment before he felt Zoro suddenly grab hold of his arm. Startled out of his brief romantic longings, he saw that Zoro had taken him up on his offer and was now using Sanji as a support. Neither of them said anything about it as they finally reached the elevator, with Zoro breathing heavily through his nose and sweating profusely.

They thankfully only had to wait for about a minute after they pressed the down button before the elevator stopped to let them in. The only person that had been inside got off on their floor, but not before they shot a quizzical look at Zoro’s condition.

Sanji flashed them what he hoped was a reassuring smile before he hurried them onto the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors repeatedly until they obeyed. Zoro heaved a huge sigh as he shut his eye and rested back against the elevator wall, waiting to be transported down two floors. Sanji pressed the lobby button and hoped Zoro would last long enough to walk out the front of the building; the hardest part was yet to come.

There were going to be more people waiting in the hospital lobby, which meant there was more of a chance for someone who worked there to spot Zoro before they could leave. It was also a longer walk from the elevator to the sliding glass front doors, and if Zoro had struggled just to make it to the elevator in the first place, then how the hell was he going to be able to surmount that greater distance without drawing attention to himself?

One glance at the man told him that he probably couldn’t. All they could do was try.

“You can’t lean on me when we walk through the lobby,” Sanji said, adjusting the duffel bag’s strap as they descended. “It’ll be too obvious.”

“Won’t need to,” Zoro said in response, opening his eye to up at the ceiling.

He was nearly drenched in a cold sweat and had a hard time keeping his head from spinning but felt like he was getting a good handle over his nausea regardless. His stomach told him otherwise, but Zoro was certain he could keep it contained at least until they were outside and away from any prying eyes. The empty socket was throbbing now, pulsing in time with his rapid heartbeat but hadn’t yet begun to hurt. Despite the fact that it gave him debilitating nausea, the morphine at least did its job well.

“When we get outside, you wait out front off to the side somewhere and I’ll bring my car around to get you,” Sanji said, watching as the elevator counted down their floors. “I had to park in the deck. It’ll probably be easier for you to wait than to try and walk to it.”

“Fine.”

Before anything else could be said, the elevator dinged and opened to the lobby floor. There was a small crowd of people waiting to get on as the doors opened, prompting Sanji to quickly step out, hoping Zoro would keep up with him. It was obvious now that Zoro was struggling, but he managed to follow after him easily enough.

Sanji could hear the heavily labored breathing from Zoro as they slowly began to make their way towards the exit. They walked side by side, passing through the main lobby at a slow and general pace. Sweat was sliding down the sides of Zoro’s face as they progressed, but amazingly enough, he didn’t falter a single step. He kept his eye locked in a stern gaze at the doorway and focused only on moving with Sanji towards his perceived freedom as though he’d been jailed and just been released.

Perhaps due in part to the grungy clothing Zoro was wearing, Sanji noticed that as they walked through the lobby no one looked at them twice or tried to stop their progress. Zoro had a mean, deterring look about him that Sanji had noticed on the first day that they’d met, and was relieved to see that it worked on the general public as well. They made it out of the hospital without anyone trying to stop them, which was nothing short of a miracle in Sanji’s humble opinion.

Zoro sucked in a deep breath of the outside air as they moved quickly out of sight of the front desk, moving down the sidewalk several feet before the nausea finally demanded its host sit. He sat down as carefully he could on the side of the curb, resting his arms on his legs and letting his head hang down between them.

“I’ll get the car,” Sanji said, to which Zoro simply gave him a thumbs up in response.

He hurried away, hoisting the duffel bag up high onto his shoulder and disappeared down the walkway. Zoro hoped that the trick they’d pulled with Duval would buy them enough time for Sanji to pull around the car up and drive them off before anyone noticed and tried to reclaim him.

As warm as it was in the hospital, Zoro hadn’t minded being as sweaty as he was, but when the wind went by he shivered dramatically and remembered it was the middle of December. The sweat trapped two layers down against his skin had already been cold enough, but was now sticky and empowered by the chilled air.

His stomach heaved again, and this time he couldn’t stop it.

Thankful that he hadn’t eaten yet that day, all his stomach could force up was liquids. He puked hunched over with his head between his legs, his stomach coming up onto the pavement between his boots. There was a brief moment where he felt instantly better before his stomach convulsed again and started a cycle of painful dry heaving.

There was no one nearby to hear him groan as some of the pain of his eye surfaced in conjunction with the pain in his stomach. When Sanji finally pulled up, Zoro was still hunched over.

Parking as close to the curb as he could with the passenger side door closest to Zoro, Sanji got out and tried to help the injured man to his feet. At first it seemed as though Zoro didn’t want to uncurl, but after his stomach convinced him to spit up all the liquids it had left inside, he did finally come to a stand. He was trembling noticeably, but Sanji ignored it as he helped Zoro slide into the passenger seat.

Sanji didn’t badger him about buckling up as he pulled away from the hospital front, and in return Zoro didn’t have anything to say about the pop music that was playing through the car speakers. He sat with his eye closed, curled up as best he could on the car seat with his head pressed firmly against the cold window, breathing hard, yet still trying to fall asleep as Katy Perry sang to him on the ride home.

[fanficcollection]

Tumblr - Girl (Part 8)

Tumblr – Girl (series) Part 1 Masterlist

Pairing: Misha Collins x reader Summary: answer time Word Count: 2.148 Warnings: it’s a quite smooth one, parts of a panic attack, mental illness, maybe parts of implied rape

Notes: it’s been some time, but here it is, part 8! Woho.. it’s a quite smooth one, but I hope you like it in spite of that.

As always loads of love and thanks to my precious beta @sinceriouslyamellpadalecki you are truly wonderful! Thanks so much!

Enough talk, enjoy Part 8. :)

Mishas POV

With some new energy the text gave me I mastered the rest of the convention, the panels flew by and soon it was time for the closing ceremony and with the knowledge of Y/N being okay I could enjoy the whole day. I had a smile tugged on my face and when the whole convention sang “Carry on my wayward son” together I got goose bumps. From time to time I saw Jensen looking at me, and smiling, sometimes I met his gaze and he seemed truly content with the situation.

After the convention ended, I went to my room, there were two more hours left before our drivers picked you up for the flight back to Vancouver. I first packed all my things to my carry-on bag, I never brought much stuff with me to a convention weekend, then I lied down on the bed, took my phone out to make some notes on my answer, which I wanted to do later, but then I saw there were a few messages from the cast:

 Rob (5 min ago): Hey buddies, what about some farewell-drinks? In 10min in the Lobby? Dick&Rob

 Jared (3 min ago): Mish, are you joining for some drinks?

 Jensen (2 min ago): Are you in your room? I’m on my way to you before good-bye drinks. :)

After reading that text I heard a knock, probably Jensen. I quickly jumped up and went to the door to open it. When I saw the familiar face I let him immediately in the room. “Are you joining for the goodbye drinks?” he asked and the first time in a few weeks I really thought about it and nodded.  “I think it’s not a bad idea.” I said and smiled. Jensen smiled as well. “Good to see you this happy, bro” he said and patted my shoulder. “Have you answered her yet?”  he asked. “No, I guess it will take some quiet time to find the right words, I don’t want to put pressure on her and I don’t want to send just a ‘quick text’.” I took my phone from the nightstand and went to the door “Ready to go?” I asked looking at Jensen. He nodded slowly and left my room before me so I could lock it behind me.

 Later that day, back at my place in Vancouver I took my laptop, it was an important text and writing it was a lot easier on the computer, there was more space and it was easier to organize the scraps of words I had in my mind at the moment. First I put my earplugs in and looked up a inspiring playlist then I opened tumblr and started typing slowly, I often typed and deleted it, it took me a while to find the right words, but then it started to fit together.

“Dear Y/N,

I hope you got all my texts, every single one, I as well hope you saw what they meant, they mean that I’m there even if you are not, I don’t stop being there, I’m here when you need it, when you are ready. It’s sad to hear that the demons are still chasing you, but I was so happy to read that you are still fighting them, that’s a quality that tells a lot about you.

And as I told you, unless you want me to stop writing, I’m here, there is nothing to forgive, nothing for you to feel bad about and once again, because no one could ever hear it too often, you are important! To me, to other people out there, I care, I’m here when you need someone to talk.

Y/N, what you said about the characters and the actors really got into my mind. You are such a strong girl and I think I got something that would maybe help you to keep up your fight. Some time ago I got myself some Con-Tickets for Vancouver Con, but sadly I can’t attend the con due to job issues, so I have to find someone to give my tickets to. Would you like to attend the con? I know, it’s probably hours of flying from your home town, but I would give you the tickets for free. Please, do me a favour and visit the guys, meet them, see it as a reward for your brave fight.

I’m looking forward to hear from you!

Love,

Dmitri “

I read the mail again and again, but then I decided to just go for it and sent it. Hopefully she would accept the offer to meet us in Vancouver; it was a possibility to get to know her without revealing that I lied to her about my real identity. Maybe I could talk about it to her in person; at least I could try to avoid a misunderstanding by talking from face to face.

 Your POV

While reading all the messages you fell asleep, you were deadly tired even though you slept in in the morning. In your sleep you started crying, you dreamt crazy things about Jacob, you could almost feel his fingers on your skin and you started shivering by that thought. The memories of yesterday came up, you felt like you saw the scenes from some outside: you saw when he slowly pressed his lips on yours, when you first rejected it, because it didn’t feel right, your stomach turned by this scene, then you allowed it and even leaned into the kiss, you could nearly feel his lips, smell his scent.  

Then all of a sudden there was an annoying noise, you didn’t know where it came from but you couldn’t stop it. When you woke up you recognized what the noise was, your phone, an awkward standard ringtone. You first thought it was just an alarm you set to not oversleep, but as it kept ringing you noticed someone was calling you. “What?” you answered the phone without looking who was calling. “Hey darling” the voice on the other end said “are you alright? You sound sleepy, have you slept until now?” he asked, it was Jacob. “I’m okay. Just a headache and very tired.” You said shortly. “And no, I was up for a few hours, but then I laid down again, because of my head.” There was a bit of a lie in it, your head was okay, but you didn’t want to tell him that you texted Dmitri and you of course didn’t want him to know you cried the whole afternoon about Dmitri’s messages.

 “So can I still come over tonight?” he asked politely “I can bring some food, maybe pizza or Chinese?”  you thought about a good answer, he already told you in the morning that he would stop by for dinner, but somehow you needed some alone-time, but you were to slow. “You know what-“ he said, “I’m coming at about eight, I’m so sorry I can’t be there earlier. Is pizza ok with you?” You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t want to lose him, you’ve already lost Dmitri because of your shitty behaviour, so you just accepted and ended the call.

You decided to put on some comfortable clothes and go for a walk to clear your mind, university things floated round your head, there was not much time left this semester, you thought about getting a summer job, maybe travelling a bit. When you got into a nearby park you sat down for a moment, your mind wandered, you thought about everything and anything, you didn’t want to go back, everything seemed peaceful here. Taking your  phone out you scrolled through your Facebook feed; you were not one of the persons who posted every little thing, you were more the observer; you looked at profile pictures of your former classmates, many of them were in a relationship according to their profile. They seemed happy, but on the other hand, you as well didn’t share your down times, all the information on this page were just illusions of happy lives.

You closed Facebook, it made you angry to see all their lies. Instead you opened up Tumblr, Tumblr was different. A smile sneaked on your face when you thought of that convention, where Misha was confronted with Tumblr and trying to understand it; he had compared it to Facebook and every single one reacted not amused.  While your blog was loading a small sign popped up to show you that you had a new message in your inbox, it was about an hour old. Why didn’t you see that one earlier? Maybe tumblr was fucking around again. Then it dawned to you, the notifications on your phone were still turned off. Whatever, there were more important things right now! With shivering fingers you entered your inbox, it was from Dmitri, your heart sank, your stomach turned and your vision blurred, you knew it was his last message, it had to be, you couldn’t imagine he want to keep your friendship up after everything that happened.

You had to take a few deep breaths to calm down; it wasn’t easy to keep your eyes focussed on the lines when you finally managed to open the text. For a short moment you stopped, did you really want to read it, after that message you had most likely lost the human being you trusted. But you had to know if he at least forgave you. Yeah, you had to read it. So you started to concentrate again, tears silently rolling down your cheeks, you slowly read one word after the other you didn’t catch the meaning at first.

Unknowingly you looked out for some words of reject, some kind of insult, some complaining, but there was… nothing. Nothing like that, no hate. Like earlier in your friendship. There were just nice words, again. Why couldn’t he be human once, he always was so calm, so friendly, so caring. “How did I deserve him?” you mumbled. Then you started again, reading the text, processing it.

The next moment you got interrupted, your phone was ringing, again. You saw Jacob’s name flash on the display and you waited a moment before answering “Hey. What’s up?” you asked. Your mood was a lot better than before, to know you haven’t lost Dmitri lifted you up and there couldn’t go anything wrong today. “I’m right in front your door and obviously you aren’t at home.” Jacob said “I thought we said 8 o’clock?” You quickly checked the time, it was 5 minutes after eight. “I’m so sorry, I’ll be home in about 5 to 10 minutes. I completely forgot the time.” He said something you didn’t understand, but then his voice got softer “Okay babe, just hurry up a bit, the pizza is getting cold.” He said nicely and you promised to be there as soon as possible. Then you ended the call, got up and went back to your place, you were happy, nothing could break your mood tonight.

 When you arrived Jacob smiled friendly and gave you a hug with his free hand and pulled you in into a kiss, it didn’t feel that bad as you remembered it from yesterday. You kissed back lightly and unlocked the door. “Come in.” you invited him and closed the door behind him. “How was your day, darling?” he asked you while he put the pizza on a counter on the kitchen. “It started a bit nasty with the headache and so on, but then it turned out quite okay. I made it a lazy day, was quite cool. What about your day?” you asked back politely. “Was okay I guess, there wasn’t much to do at the hospital, so it got a bit boring, but I looked forward to this the whole day.” He answered and once again pulled you into a kiss. He gently stroke your neck with one hand and placed the other one on your back. The touch felt good and you leaned in it, you felt his lips curl up to a smile during the kiss and you had to smile as well. Then all of a sudden he pulled away and you silently whined. “The pizza is getting cold.” He told you with a smirk on his face and you nodded. “What about a nice movie and pizza on the couch?” he suggested and you quickly nodded. You let him choose the movie and he went with a romantic drama, then you got some drinks, non-alcoholic today and sat down next to him.

After you were finished with eating you put the carton on the floor and Jacob slipped a bit closer to you. You leaned your head against his shoulder and felt his hands caress your upper arm. It felt nice, maybe you were just too drunk yesterday to realize it, maybe you totally overreacted.

Part 9

Tag-List:

@chantelle-c333 @awolfamongstus @jannalionheart @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @evyiione @destielschild @xx-melissa-x @kcam1621 @captainsherlockwinchester110283 @smoothdogsgirl @kristendansmith @haappy-go-lucky  @laffytaffyhumor

[bottom-lexa]

If you insist... 1-216 please sir! :D

lmao probably didn’t mean all 216 but okay.

okay i tried to do them all but i only did till 108 coz wow there’s so many

1: My name? Aiden 

2: Do I have any nicknames? Nope

3: Zodiac sign? Virgo

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? I kinda only play CoD

5: Book/series I reread? I don’t think i’ve reread anything

6: Aliens or ghosts? Aliens

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? I don’t think there’s anyone like that but i read a lot of james patterson

8: Favourite radio station? don’t have one

9: Favourite flavour of anything? vanilla i think

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? awesome

11: Favourite song? rn it’s Champion and Something Just Like This

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? literally nothing. i’m bad with new people

13: Favourite word? fuck

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? i don’t forgive them

15: Last song I listened to? champions - FOB

16: TV show I always recommend? Sense8

17: Pirates or ninjas? pirates i guess

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? the avengers or pitch perfect

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? depends on my mood/don’t have a wake-up song/currently, champions is on a loop

20: Favourite video games? CoD Advanced Warfare

21: What am I most afraid of? no one ever falling in love with me. and spiders.

22: A good quality of mine? good listener. and i never judge.

23: A bad quality of mine? I tend to ruin relationships for no fucking reason and idk how to stop that

24: Cats or dogs? DOGS

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? well i won’t watch it thinking it’ll be good no matter what. but i’ve watched two shitty movies because alycia was in them and i’m willing to watch a third.

26: Favourite season? of?

27: Am I in a relationship? LMAOOOOO. no, sadly no

28: Something I miss? Lexa

29: My best friend? @dashingswan​ and @kittlesandskittles​

30: Eye colour? brown

31: Hair colour? also brown

32: Someone I love? lexa kom trikru

33: Someone I trust? my best friends

34: Someone I always think about? the commander

35: Am I excited about anything? nope. not rn

36: My current obsession? nothing atm i think

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? xmen and spongebob

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? ye

39: Am I superstitious? nope

40: What do I think about most? clexa and how messed up my future is probably going to be

41: Do I have any strange phobias? nah nothing strange

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? working out and writing

44: Last book I read? i think it was a game of thrones

45: Last film I watched? WONDER WOMAN

46: Do I play any instruments? nah but i really wanna learn the guitar

47: Favourite animal? wolf and shark

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? can’t pick top 5

49: Superpower I wish I could have? super strength 

50: How do I destress? workout

51: Do I like confrontation? hell nope

52: When do I feel most at peace? at the gym, pumping the iron, no joke

53: What makes me smile? clexa

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? who sleeps with the lights on???

55: Play any sports? not anymore

56: What is my song of the week? Champions - fall out boy

57: Favourite drink? coke zero coz i can’t have alcohol yet

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? no clue

59: Afraid of heights? ye

60: Pet peeve? text replies, that are just “ok”

61: What was the last concert I went to see? i’ve never actually been to a concert

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? noooooope. i love meat too much.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? i wanted to be a superhero and there was a point where i wanted to be in the army because my dad’s friend was an officer and i just thought it was really cool

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? idk if it’s enemy or just someone i’d strangle if i saw again

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? MCU probably

66: Something I worry about? ma future because it’s gonna be messy with the family and all that

67: Scared of the dark? nope

68: Who are my best friends? i literally answered this a couple of minutes ago

69: What do I admire most about others? i guess it’s different with different people. but open-mindedness is really cool

70: Can I sing? only when i’m alone in the house

71: Something I wish I could do? fly. idk why but that was the first thing that came to mind. and also breathe underwater

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? no clue

73: Have I ever skipped school? not without my parents knowing, no. coz i stay home if i don’t go and there’s usually a good reason behind it

74: Favourite place on the planet? the gym. 

75: Where do I want to live? a big city that’s warm and dry.

76: Do I have any pets? my smol son Chase

77: What is my current desktop picture?

78: Early bird or night owl? night own for sure

79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunset

80: Can I drive? not yet

81: Story behind my last kiss? never been kissed

82: Earphones or headphones? depends what i’m doing. at the gym + just out on the move + in class = earphones. chilling at home + traveling = headphones

83: Have I ever had braces? nope

84: Story behind one of my scars? i don’t really scar so i don’t have many. there’s one on my arm tho, a pretty big one and that’s from when i was 10. and fell down while playing outside at school.

85: Favourite genre of music? idk man. alt rock probably

86: Who is my hero? lexa kom trikru. 

87: Favourite comic book character? Captain America

88: What makes me really angry? assholes

89: Kindle or real book? real book

90: Favourite sporty activity? working out?

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? no clue

92: What was my favourite subject at school? maths

93: Siblings? a little sister

94: What was the last thing I bought? A pair of gym shorts that are a size too big

95: How tall am I? 5′1

96: Can I cook? yes. and i’m pretty damn good

97: Can I bake? also yes.

98: 3 things I love? lexa, clexa, my pupper

99: 3 things I hate? homophobes, transphobes, blarkes

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? yep

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? idk tbh. depends on the person

102: Where was I born? bangladesh

103: Sexual orientation? biiiiiii

104: Where do I currently live? wales, uk

105: Last person I texted? @dashingswan

106: Last time I cried? i don’t even remember

107: Guilty pleasure? shows that are too violent and probably will make me feel weird after watching

108: Favourite Youtuber? uppercaseCHASE1 and  TheRealAlexBertie

109: A photo of myself.110: Do I like selfies?111: Favourite game app?112: My relationship with my parents?113: Favourite accents?114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?115: Favourite number?116: Can I juggle?117: Am I religious?118: Do I like space?119: Do I like the deep ocean?120: Am I much of a daredevil?121: Am I allergic to anything?122: Can I curl my tongue?123: Can I wiggle my ears?124: Do I like clowns?125: The Beatles or Elvis?126: My current project?127: Am I a bad loser?128: Do I admit when I wrong?129: Forest or beach?130: Favourite piece of advice?131: Am I a good liar?132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?133: Do I talk to myself?134: Am I very social?135: Do I like gossip?136: Do I keep a journal/diary?137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?138: Do I believe in second chances?139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?140: Do I believe people are capable of change?141: Have I ever been underweight?142: Am I ticklish?143: Have I ever been in a submarine?144: Have I ever been on a plane?145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?146: Have I ever been overweight?147: Do I have any piercings?148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?149: Do I have any tattoos?150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?151: Do I believe in Karma?152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?153: What was my first car?154: Do I want children?155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?156: My most embarrassing memory?157: What makes me nostalgic?158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience?162: What do I hate most about myself?163: What do I love most about myself?164: Do I like adventure?165: Do I believe in fate?166: Favourite animal?167: Have I ever been on radio?168: Have I ever been on TV?169: How old am I?170: One of my favourite quotes?171: Do I hold grudges?172: Do I trust easily?173: Have I learnt from my mistakes?174: Best gift I’ve ever received?175: Do I dream?176: Have I ever had a night terror?177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?178: An experience that has made me stronger?179: If I were immortal, what would I do?180: Do I like shopping?181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?182: What does “family” mean to me?183: What is my spirit animal?184: How do I want to be remembered?185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?186: What is my greatest failure?187: What is my greatest achievement?188: Love or money?189: Love or career?190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?191: What makes me the happiest?192: What is “home” to me?193: What motivates me?194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?196: A movie that scared me as a child?197: Something I hated as a child that I like now?198: Zombies or vampires?199: Live in the city or suburbs?200: Dragons or wizards?201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?202: How do I define love?203: Do I judge a book by its cover?204: Have I ever had my heart broken?205: Do I like my handwriting?206: Sweet or savoury?207: Worst job I’ve had?208: Do I collect anything?209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?210: What is on my bucket list?211: How do I handle anger?212: Was I named after anyone?213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?214: What TV character am I most like?215: What is the weirdest talent I have?216: Favourite fictional character?

[terresdebrumestories]

Watching with Fanfan: Shadowhunters

Season 02 - Episode 01: This guilty blood

No reviews on this blog for months, and we’re picking up the habit—though certainly not the same rhythm I had going last summer, I’m afraid—with a Shadowhunters review. I’m starting to think I might be part of this fandom, after all, even if it’s a fairly specific fringe of it.

Anyway, I know I never finished the detailed criticism of season one, mostly because I never really had enough time for it—and also because watching every episode once is far more than enough for my taste—but I have now watched the first episode of Season 2 and since I’ve been asked to share my opinion of it, I might as well seize the occasion to get back to reviewing things.

In this case, sadly—but unsurprisingly enough, if you know the show and what my problems with it are—there isn’t much good to be said.

Last season ended when Jace, under threat, followed Valentine to his lair with the Mortal Cup in their possession. This, understandably, threw everyone in a feat of panic and, when the episode opens, we see Clary hop up on Valentine’s ship, more-or-less says she’s here to rescue Jace...and proceeds to spend the next five minutes doing nothing but look vaguely anxious while Jace fights with and kills Valentine.

Obviously, it turns out—several scenes later—that Jace didn’t really kill Valentine, who was in fact masquerading as Clary to test Jace’s loyalty...so in other words, we open with a scene that is both sexist (in that, as usual, “Clary” has zero influence on the plot and, when “she” does, it’s by getting revealed as Valentine’s disguise) and utterly pointless because the entire conflict of it turns out to be a fake out. It’s not quite as annoying as opening on a dream sequence—which I thought it was at first—but it’s still starting with something that goes nowhere.

(Some may argue that the point was to show us Jace doesn’t want to be with Valentine, but considering he was blackmailed/threatened into following the villain in the first place, that point has already been made last season, and even if you want to re-make it for the newcomers, there are other ways to do it, thank you very much.)

As far as the general quality of the episode goes, though, the opening is actually a fairly good indicator of what we’re about to get.

True, the plot sort of moves forward, in that ever-confusing way that comes when things evolve because the plot demands it and not because the characters really do anything useful. Clary continues to react to the plot—when, in good storytelling, the plot should react to her—while saying things that make it sound like she’s acting while, in effect, we mostly just see her stand around and complain.

(Example: At one point of the episode, Clary is supposed to be locked in the Institute. To get out, she uses a glamour that makes her look like Aldertree, the new Clave representative who was sent from Idris because we like Lydia now. This is accompanied by a grossly misused quote from “The art of war” and about ten seconds of Luke being confused as to why Aldertree speaks to him. Do we see Clary put the glamour on? No. Do we see her figure out how to use said glamour without being caught mid-lie? No. Isabelle gave her an idea—aka: Clary didn’t even come up with her brilliant idea on her own—then jazz hands and voila, no problem, no conflict, no use for our heroine, she can go straight to the ‘be locked out of the action by another character’ part of the episode.)

The fact that the plot moves on its own by virtue of ‘It has to move’ more than real logic for the most part—or at least, not a logic that makes sense to me in terms of how characters react—is, honestly, not the biggest problem this show has, though. I mean, let’s face it, sometimes a story where the plot advances because it has to (as opposed to advancing because the hero does something) can be enjoyable enough, if not the best in the world. It’s not really my thing, but it happens.

The biggest problem in this episode, imported straight from season one, is that it literally will not let go of its offensive tropes.

Aside from the fact that all the Adults are Useless at best, or obstacles at worst—like Maryse who, we’re supposed to resent for “trying to take back the Institute from Lydia” (1), which we were rooting for her to do last season, and who went from having Jace as a favorite to literally saying it was a mistake to take Valentine’s son in(2) (3)—Shadowhunters also continues with its dubious casting choice for the minor characters. The guy who gets killed while posing as Valentine? A black man. The vampire who massacred her family, killed innocent people, and is a meanie to Jace so he can kill her illegally? A woman of color. The Bad Guy that was sent from Idris? A black man. His co-minor villain? A woman of color. Do we continue?

I mean, this is far from the worst I’ve seen in terms of racism, and I suppose that’s a good thing—somewhat...is ‘not as bad as it could be’ a good thing, really?—but that doesn’t mean these choices are innocent given the racial context of US TV (4) and the show shouldn’t be let off the hook from it just because it has four main-ish characters of color—aka Luke, Simon, Magnus and Isabelle, though in Izzy’s case (as in Maryse’s case) it’s unclear if we’re supposed to read the character as a woman of color.

Plus, if you thought racism was the only problem in the series, you’d be wrong. I’ve talked extensively about the problems with Magnus and Alec’s relationship last season—and before that, I’ve discussed the problems with the way they’ve been handled in the books—so if you were already reading this blog last year this may sound a little repetitive, but here it is anyway: Malec, as a relationship, is incredibly badly handled.

Aside from Magnus’ depiction as a an aggressively—and creepily—sexual guy (5) who has repeatedly ignored Alec’s boundaries and requests throughout the first season, this first episode (re–) establishes several things that don’t do anything to endear me to the relationship.

First, this episode takes place a few days—maybe a week, top—after Alec outed himself by publicly dumping the woman he was supposed to marry (which, by the way, would have been a politically advantageous move for him and his family) thereby standing to “lose everything” (6) and they’re already fighting. Considering they’ve known each other for a grand total of one month, at the very best and that they got together less than one week ago, Alec and Magnus should be in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. The fact that they aren’t doesn’t speak well for their future as a couple.

Second, we now know that Alec is willing to use emotional blackmail against Magnus (“Why won’t you [help me do something that could kill me and therefore land you in trouble] after everything I’ve done/sacrificed for you?”) which is a tactic of abuse and a definitely shitty thing to do to anyone. True, Alec is (implicitly) called out on it an he apologizes later on, but that doesn’t change the fact that Magnus would have every right to dump him right then and there, thank you very much.

Third, during their second scene, Magnus entirely dismisses the risks Alec took in order to be with him (which, might I add, Magnus pretty much harassed Alec into). True, this is as much shitty worldbuilding as it is bad characterization, but given that Shadowhunters were established as very homophobic in season one (again: “I could lose everything”, plus the mention Magnus made of “Don’t ask, don’t tell”) Magnus saying that Alec “didn’t sacrifice anything for [him]” makes him an asshole who Alec would have had every right to dump right then and there, thank you very much. In short—and I might get flame for this again but that won’t change the truth of it—Magnus and Alec are terribly bad for each other, their relationship is dysfunctional at best, unhealthy at worst, and no amount of fake hype, freeform propaganda or straight fetishistic fangirl screaming will convince me otherwise.

So, what can I say to conclude this review? None of what I saw yesterday night—yeah, it took me two days to download the thing. I’m questioning my life choices—was a surprise. The problems present in this first episode were already present last season, and I’m fairly sure they’ll still be present this season. Hopefully, they won’t get worst. Either way, I’m probably going to keep watching, if only for a while—and to motivate me into working on my rewrite project—but I’m also going to keep telling everyone I know not to embark on that franchise. There are, after all, less infuriating trainwrecks to watch ;)

-------------------------

(1) We’re supposed to believe Lydia & Izzy when they assume Maryse is the one who decided to ask for the Clave to send someone new to direct operations. It’ll probably turn out to be true, given that the show wants to make her into the bad parent, but in real life (or a setting meant to imitate real life) you don’t always decide who is appointed to supervise you.

(2) Remember: back in Season 1 Maryse, like everyone else, thought Jace was a Wayland. Now, for some reason, she’s acting like she knew about his dad all along and is regretting her choices. Outstanding characterization and logic right there.

(3) I’m actually more forgiving of what they did with Jocelyn given that they establish Jace’s demon blood in this episode, too. I’m expecting the reveal to be uselessly dragged out next week, and for the whole determinism thing to grow at least as ridiculous and nonsensical—and hypocritical—as it was in the books, but at least it makes sense for Jocelyn to try and shoot Jace. It makes zero sense for Maryse to suddenly despise Jace, and it’s also not required to explain why she doesn’t want to look for him too hard.

(4) Western media in general has a race problem, don’t get me wrong, but Shadowhunters is a US TV show so let’s stick to the context at hand.

(5) A trope used to paint both bisexuals—which Magnus is—and men of color in a negative light, might I add. Admittedly, I’m not sure if Asian men are more often oversexualized or desexualized so I might be wrong on that one. Still rubs me the wrong way though.

(6) Direct quote from Alec’s season 1 dialogue.

[overtlyopinionated]

127 Hours (With Persona 5)

After spending as much time playing Persona as Aron Ralston did in that canyon, I have completed a single play through and feel ready to explain my assorted opinions. Fortunately, and unlike Mr Ralston, I have emerged with both arms. However, now that Persona 5 is (supposedly) out of my life, its absence does feel like a phantom limb.

At this point, before espousing my opinions on the latest instalment, I should establish my Persona credentials. I haven’t touched the first, the second or the second second but am a lover of Personas 3 and 4 (having played both on my Vita). The Vita port of Persona 4 (Golden) is legitimately one of my favourite games due to its eclectic characters and focus on time management. I love a game where I have to forge my own path and make actual decisions: not binary dialogue choices that change the colour of a light in an ending cutscene but day to day decision making that opens up opportunities while closing off others.

I will preface the following with admitting that I love (yes, love) Persona 5. It didn’t have the impact that Persona 4 did – you never forget your first – and I do have far more criticisms of it than I do with any other Persona game, but the strengths are outstanding.

Because Persona 5 is so large (and daunting) you end up saying some pretty bizarre things about it. One of my go to phrases has become: ‘the last 75 hours are incredible.’ This is, truly, an insane thing to say. But it’s true! Some stuff happens and it’s at that point where all the wonderful systems start to interlink and you are in a place where you have so much to do and only limited time to do it in.

Another seemingly bizarre statement: the first 8 hours aren’t very good. In most games, this would be intolerable – and it is an issue here. But when there are still about 120 left, you can almost forgive a period of relative low quality that is the length of your average video game. Actually, when I put it that way, maybe you can’t forgive it. The introduction is poor and that is a problem. The major caveat is that it is only poor ‘by Persona standards’ but this is still disappointing.

The main issue is how constricting the opening is. Persona 5 is clearly made as an entry point to the series for new fans. There’s a perfect storm of reasons to finally play Persona: the PS4 is hugely popular and owners want a hot new exclusive (even if it is on PS3 also); Persona 4 was a sleeper hit that now has huge cult acclaim (which will lead people to check out the new one) and – somewhat linked to the first point – a Persona game is finally running on current hardware (not many wanted to pull their PS2 out for 100+ hours to play Persona 3 or 4 in 2007/2008 when they were busy with 360s and PS3s). The knock on effect of this predicted influx of Persona fans: hella tutorials. My God are there tutorials and my God is it limiting. I just wanted to be let loose to enjoy the aspect of Persona that I love: freedom of choice and time management. For so long it is forced activities and early nights. In fact, that’s an overall complaint with the game: too many early nights. Far too often you are forced to end a day in which you have been given no choice. It has to happen for plot reasons occasionally but it’s a real pain due to the frequency of this. Luckily, the mandatory content in the first 8 hours is really compelling, if a bit slow. There’s an interesting framing device and the first dungeon has a really neat narrative. Unfortunately, early introductions to characters are not wholly positive but, later on, these loveable scamps will win you over.

The framing device, in general, is worth mentioning. It’s cool: you are being interrogated and explaining all that led to your capture. It enables the game to start with a flashy abilitease and gives some overall structure. It’s not used that well though. It’s frequently unclear as to whether your interrogator is hearing everything you are ‘playing’ as they respond in ways that imply they don’t see the whole picture but sometimes in ways that imply they do. Getting a new confidant (the new name for social links) flashes you forward to weird questions about this person in a way that doesn’t always make sense. You meet the person and it is established who they are – a hacker, per se – and then the interrogator asks how you did something – for example, did you have access to a hacker. You as the player raise an eyebrow and think… Wait, are you actually listening to me? We just established that. It’s hokey and even in the central narrative it’s genuinely unclear how much you are getting across to your conversational partner and this ambiguity impacts the success of the narrative. This links to a grander issue of some poor writing - some due to obvious bad translation and some due to straight up shitty writing. There’s a bit towards the end where two villains stand for ten minutes and explain each other, just doling out pointless exposition. Genuinely, one of them just breaks down the career history of this guy to the guy himself, in a way that is only at all relevant because you need to know this information as a player. This conversation would never actually happen and things like that happen too often.

On the positive side, gameplay is so much better than ever before – and I love Persona gameplay. There are some really clever wrinkles added to the battle system and I adore the dungeons. Many have been put off by the central puzzles that each have but, for me, these aspects were overwhelmingly positive. I liked how tailor made these experience were and that I still had classic randomly generated dungeons to go through if I wanted. Confidant bonuses are also really well thought out and bring some mechanics which are genuine game changers. Elements feed into each other better than ever before and it makes everything feel so worthwhile – even when some of the confidant storylines are formulaic to a fault. One niggle: traversal options and a cover system are cool but the controls are not up to it (and neither is the camera).

So, the holistic view of Persona: the first 8 hours are confining and somewhat infuriating; the first 50 hours are very good but left me in a state of like rather than love; the last 75 hours are wonderful! That’s not a bad ratio of quality and it makes the game really rewarding. So, time to justify my adoration of the back two thirds (roughly). Here be spoilers… massive spoilers:

Persona 5 goes places.

 It goes to fascinating places that I didn’t think it would go to and it makes good on some things I never thought it would. The overall thematic statements really struck a chord with me. It’s a game about challenging the status-quo, standing up for what you believe in and about not letting the apathy of society get in the way of progress. It is a game about moral superiority and, for want of another phrase, being a warrior for social justice, and…. Actually, I really like that stuff. It’s punk rock; it’s youthful rebellion; it’s saying that things don’t have to be a certain way. It’s also quite damming to the older generation in a way that I think is justified. It chimes with zeitgeist movements, like the current Labour party or the partial rise of Bernie Sanders. It’s about (LITERALLY) breaking your chains and working for the greater good.

The game starts with imagery of you being chained and locked down, these chains permeate the overall presentation in a way that I thought was purely stylistic. It’s an incredibly stylish game full of visual motifs but this overwhelming sense of style means you read everything as aesthetic rather than symbolic. However, very late in the game – I’m talking final boss late – this imagery comes full circle. It comes after you have attacked something which is basically the opiate of the people; you have fought against bourgeoisie controlling figures and have pushed an ideology of waking up the passive populace in order to overthrow the current system. You’re fighting a god. It’s awesome. That god is a literal god of control that has been used, in other ways, as a controlling force throughout the game. You realise that the entire game has been set up as a ‘game’ in fiction (not a video game but a manufactured scenario in which you are being set up) and you’re into MGS2 style meta-narrative shit. And it’s wonderful. You spend the game breaking people form the control of their base desires whilst also taking down controlling figures in society and BAM, it turns out that a familiar character (who seemed strange at the start, in a way that seemed like a critique but was actually foreshadowing) is not who he says he is. You have been controlled by the God of Control and it’s symbolic of the place of the disaffected youth in society. Your pseudo-young offender background makes for even better commentary on how the youth are demonised by adults who claim they know better but actually enforce negative aspects of society. Then, back to the boss fight, you literally break out of these chain – the same chains that recur as a visual motif. It goes from having Marxist undertones to basically saying: ‘Persona users have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Persona users of all countries unite.’ Characters are even referencing you TAKING THE WORLD. There’s a revolution in the streets; the camera zooms in on a youth giving a revolutionary fist pump. It’s fucking glorious. It actually goes there and it goes there well.

It’s these thematic elements, and the political thrust, that make Persona 5 soar for me. The gameplay is still fantastic but, to be honest, when Persona returns, they need to shake things up. There are already elements that seem limited by the overall structure and another game of that exact structure will just provide diminishing returns. This one last time though, it works and it works really well. I’ve given a lot of my life to Persona 5 and I plan on giving it even more. What a game!