#i made a similar post to this a while back but this time im sober so hopefully its actually intelligible now

[demento-mori]

Kozue is fr the most underrated rgu chracter imo. She's only in like, 4 episodes, but she steals the show every second she's onscreen.

She's 13. She's bisexual. She has gifted kid burnout. She rescues baby birds and tries to kill creepy teachers. She kissed a girl in a moving car. She previously tried to kill that same girl. She has parallels with like every other character in the show. No one else is doing it like her. Legendary. Iconic even. I like to think that, post-canon, she pulled the good old staircase trick one last time on Akio before leaving. Its what she deserves.

[ventingbaybe]

1/16/24

I did end up moving out after that last post, two or so years ago.

Im on my second year break from school, the whole point of the gap year was to save money for school. I got kicked out though, so there went that.

My parents dont like when i word it that i got kicked out, I was “heavily implied that I should move out so that I can thrive away from my family because they didnt sign up to start taking care of me again because I couldnt go back to school” but not kicked out.

I got a second job, worked 80 hour weeks for a while, quit one, work the other. Moved from one apartment to another and then another. I dont have any roommates, just me. I cant get an animal because it would be irresponsible when im planning on going back to school and wouldnt be able to bring them with me.

Every month I pay $1000 in rent, $500 in my loan repayment, and whatever other shit i get roped into.

I have a boyfriend. I had a crush on him at the beginning of last summer, we met at work. I ended up getting over him at one point. But sometime in October I got drunk and flirted with him, we went on a couple dates and made it official. Its awkward. We dont have anything to talk about and dont have anything in common. I feel bad that I cant be the partner that he deserves, but we just arent fit for one another. We need to break up but we havent had any free time to see eachother and actually have a talk about anything. Hes a great guy, but romantically we just arent compatible at all.

Were having a winter storm in my state and just my washing machine pipe froze, so last night at 2am I got to spend hours cleaning up my overflowed washing machine and hand wringing out and emptying the machine. I feel constantly overwhelmed and like Im drowning, but I dont have a solid enough support system to feel helped. This isnt to diss my friends or anything, I just need professional help at this point and cant keep burdening my friends with this kind of constant badgering of venting.

I need to make some more friends, like actual friends I hang out with who are on a similar level of being grown up as me. I need other people who are moved out that I can find some relation and comfort in. I just dont feel like I have anyone solid in my corner that I can turn to at this moment. Its my own fault which is even more frustrating.

I wish i could just go home and curl up on the couch and be comforted. Im a grown person whose fully moved out, supported completely by myself, but I just want my mom. I wish her and I were close. But neither of us are willing to let down our egos enough to ever talk without fighting. One time my mom told me she likes me better when Im drunk, because Im quiet and sweet. So everytime i go over, I have a drink and pretend it affects me more than it does.

I was a functioning alcoholic for most of my senior year of highschool. I’d drink nearly half a bottle of vodka every night. It hurts to see people compliment how I act when im drunk more than when Im sober. I wish I was a likable person. I dont know why I lash out, why I cant not have the last word, but I also wish i didnt have to fight everyone at any given moment.

I dont know why i fight but I dont know why everyone around me loves to rile me up.

My family has always known I had anger issues, and nothing made them laugh harder than seeing me lose my temper, if i got mad i was laughed at. If i got sad I was laughed at. If i stayed sat at that dining room table and went quiet then i was laughed at. If i excused myself to go to my room or hide in the bathroom, I was laughed at. There was no way to get away from the ridicule besides being an asshole back, and then someone else was always allowed to storm off. No one else was laughed at when they left. The table would go silent until everyone else excused themselves and it was just me.

Theres nothing quite like being left alone while everyone else comforts eachother. Why wasnt I included. Was it my own fault? Was I that repulsive of a kid? A teen? What about me was so fundamentally wrong that I couldnt be included.

I remember being young, maybe 9 at this memory. My brother had said something, I said something back, he stormed off and told my mom. I remember feeling excited when my mom came to my door. I remember thinking maybe it was my turn to be comforted. To be held and rocked the way she would to my brothers. I remember standing there while she screamed at me, hearing my brothers doors squeak open so they could tune in to the show. Being ridiculed for being such a horrible daughter, a horrible sister, just a base level horrible person to be around. How much my brothers would complain to my parents about how much they hated me.

Watching my mother stand there with this blank face as I would stand there, tears welled up in my eyes being told that if it wasnt for being family, I would be unloved.

She would hug me after, let my tears soak into the shoulder of her shirt, and say nothing as Id choke out apologies for being how I was. She’d stand there and hold me, telling me that all I could do was change.

So I tried. I tried so hard. I distanced myself from my family so they wouldnt have to deal with me. I got criticized for hiding away and hating them.

Now that I dont live there its easier. I dont see any of them often and they seem happy. My older brother is also moved out but he was still over there constantly, having dinner with the family most nights. I would tell my mom I would swing by later and come over to an empty house. Id wait for an hour, thinking maybe they were all just out, but they wouldnt be back. Id put away whatever Id brought over and leave, a silent drive back home to throw myself into an empty apartment and sit there. Not even a text to acknowledge whatever Id brought. Who knows if they even noticed.

I know my parents care about me, at least on some level. My dad comes over to help me set up my wifi, he drove me to work during this snow storm. I can see that on a base level he cares. But I hate that ill never know how much. Some people you can just sense it when you meet their parents, how they interact, how their parents look at them so fondly.

I feel embarrassed when my friends meet my family, not because Im embarrassed of my family, but because I know that the way I talk about my family isnt reciprocated. That no matter how many stories of my family I can share to my friends, how fondly I talk about them and their achievements, how every eyelash I wish on is spent wishing for my family to receive only the best, I know that when my friends look at my family and I, they dont see that fond look that their parents give them.

No matter how funny I can be around my friends, it will never translate over with my family. How I get quiet and move to the background around family.

I wish I was something and someone that could be talked about.

I wish I was worth bringing up in conversation when Im not around.

I wish just once in my life I felt like I was worth putting up with.

[erensangel444]

bestie omg I am begging you if you have any head cannons or blurbs about spike pls post them I will read them all 😭😭 im down bad for that man and you’re a brilliant writer ok hope u have a good day <3

hi bestie >0< i'd love to post some headcanons because similar to you i have spike spiegel brainrot. and thank you so much, you are so sweet<3

SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS ASK!! i havent been checking tumblr, but im here now lol<3

without further ado, living with spike on the bebop headcanons!!

- spike has a tendency to stop by your room after he showers. you know it's him because of the way he knocks, three knocks in succession, a pause and then one more knock following.

- you slide open the door to be met with spike leaning on the doorframe, a towel wrapped around his waist, water droplets still falling down his body. his toothbrush is still in his mouth, spike smiling at you.

- he does this so often that you no longer have that same flustered expression from seeing his half-naked body. it still affects you all the same, but you've learned to control your reactions.

- "just wanted to say good morning" spike mumbles, walking back off to the bathroom. and he’s so smug about it too. 

- he also pesters you to make him breakfast. to get you to agree he brings ed into it. you'll be trying to sleep, the door to your room sliding open. spike saying a soft "hey," before he whispers(although not so quietly) "now ed!"

- your slumber is quickly interrupted by spike and ed now underneath the covers, lying beside you, pulling puppy dog eyes as they beg you to make them breakfast.

- you end up making your way to the kitchen, opening the fridge door to be met with an empty fridge. the morning usually comes to an end with you berating spike for forgetting to get groceries again.

- ed’s recently been letting spike sit and watch her play chess matches. he sits there with that confused expression on his face, a cigarette between his teeth as he mumbles, “why’d you move that one?”

- you’ll find spike on the landing strip of the bebop in the middle of the night, the flare from his cigarette casting light across his face. he’ll turn back to see you at the entrance, smiling before he turns back out to look at the landscape of whatever planet you’re on this time. 

- “was waiting for you,” he’ll say simply, patting next to him for you to sit.

- spike has an obsession with showing you weird shit he finds in dive bars. he 100% has come to your room at 2 am, drunk off his ass, holding a fucking monocle, slurring “look i’m mr monopoly!”

- on that note, spike drunk is a lot of fun. sober spike is fun too, but that’s besides the point. alcohol just magnifies spike’s “cocky asshole” aura. he’s so overly-confident while drunk--it’s almost alarming. 

- you, jet, faye, and spike had gone out to a bar after a large bounty to celebrate. spike somehow made his way atop the bar, knocking a couple glasses down in the process. 

- you’re still sitting in your bar stool when spike points down at you, forcing your cheeks to flush with heat, more so than they were already from the alcohol. “she is-” spike hiccups(he really is a cliche drunk) “so-so fuckin cool!” 

- jet’s grabbing at his legs now, trying to get spike to come down. “y/n, you wanna dance? i wanna dance,” you can’t help but laugh softly, spike making his way off the bar, but not without a faithful stumble that has your heart drop for a moment. “i’m fine!” spike giggles.

- you definitely should not have let spike feed you shots so easily. “just one more!” he promises, though you both know this won’t be the last one. “what should we toast to?” spike asks, sliding one of the shot glasses over to you. “to being rich,” you joke, spike laughing(a little too loudly at that). “to being fucking loaded,” he cheers, clinking your shot glass a little too harshly before downing the alcohol. 

- spike ends up in the middle of the floor full of people, drunkenly rapping brass monkey by the beastie boys. 

- mornings after getting drunk with spike are the worst kind of mornings. this man has instant regeneration or some shit, because it’s like he wasn’t ever drunk in the first place. 

- he’s all happy and cheerful while you feel like your about to barf your guts out. and in usual spike manner, he’s attempting to force feed you a prairie oyster. 

- he is really sweet too, though. he’ll sit next to the tub while you take a bath, his hand running through the warm water. when you joke about him being oh so in love with you, spike brushes you off and pulls his hand out of the water as he glares at you. 

- “fine, drown in your bath water then, see if i care,”

- the bebop recently invested in a ping pong table, and it’s like a living hell. spike and faye are constantly competing(they treat it like it’s life or death). jet, seemingly against his will, is keeping score. 

- “you fucking suck,” faye says ever so smugly. it’s so easy to rile spike up and she knows it too. you know shit’s about to get real when spike starts rolling up his sleeves. you and ed just opt for sitting on the couch and watching it happen.

- faye convinces you one day to come out and sunbathe with her. spike comes into your room while you’re grabbing sunglasses from your drawer. he whistles jokingly, causing you turn and glare at him playfully.

- “s’pretty,” he says simply, motioning to the black bikini on your body. “yeah?” you turn to face him, “i’ll let you take it off later.”

- spike is bewildered by your sudden burst of confidence, usually the one to fluster you with his words. he can’t help but laugh to himself softly, watching you walk down the hallway of the bebop, his eyes lingering on the lower half of your body for a little longer than they should have. 

- also, never watch shows with spike. he always ends up watching them without you. you could go out for the day, and come back to the bebop to find spike sitting in your room, nuzzled under your covers(which is a cute sight), watching the show you started together a week ago. 

- “you-you can catch up!” he reasons, sitting up in the bed as you turn on your bedroom lights. “i’m gonna actually murder you,” you grab the remote pausing the screen. you see the episode number 32, causing you to turn to spike, disbelief reading all over your face.

- “you’ve watched 20 episodes spike? actually how is that possible,” spike just shrinks back into the bed, holding the comforter up, signaling for you to lie next to him. “you’re so fucking annoying, i hope you know that,” you grumble, lying beside him. “yeah, yeah,” he grumbles, his arm wrapping around your midsection.

- it is pretty nice falling asleep next to him, though. he looks so peaceful when he’s sleep, and his nose twitches a little when his breath catches. 

- he’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and attempt to nudge you awake by squeezing at your hip. “spike,” you’ll whine, turning from lying on your right side to face him. 

- “m’hard” he’ll say plainly, tugging you closer by the hold he has on your hips. “you need help,” you grumble, but you’ll straddle him nonetheless. he’s pretty, nobody’s gonna blame you. 

- spike can be sickeningly sweet sometimes. after hunting down someone who has large bounty on their head, and turning them in to the police station for a reward, you can’t wait to get back to the bebop.  you’ll take a long shower, attempting to wash off the muscle strain and sweat. you walk back into your room to find cash on your bed with a little sticky note. 

- “just a little from my cut, you looked kinda hot kicking ass,” it reads. you can’t help but grin at that, setting the note down and walking to spike’s room

- you open the door to find spike, lying on his bed shirtless, music playing through his walkman as the headphones rest on his ears. he’s hitting a foam ball against the ceiling, and then catching it back in his hands.

- you admire him for a moment, smiling softly before sitting on the edge of his bed. spike sits up, pulling one headphone off his ear. “hi,” he smiles, setting the ball down beside him. “did you get my note?” he questions, causing you to laugh softly. 

- “yeah,” you hum softly, moving to sit in spike’s lap. you’re straddling him now, your faces only a few inches apart. “you looked kinda hot too or whatever.” spike laughs softly, his hands falling to grab the curve of your backside through your sleep shots.

- “or whatever,” he jokes, pulling you in for a kiss. 

the fact that i will never experience any of this with this man is so hurtful. thank you for this request for spike headcanons anon! i really enjoyed writing these<3

[spaceskam]

Anyway, an insanely long post of what I would do differently with Plus and Minus:

I would have their conflict revolve around Zeshou's inherent insecurity when it comes to romantic relationships. He sees so many divorces, and now he sees how heartbroken his father is as his mother dies and realizes that he and Ligong are either going to break up or one of them is going to die and both of those are awful options. So maybe he starts acting a little weird, closing up a little, pulling away a bit, emotionally trying (and failing) to distance himself because that pain just does not look fun and he wants to be ready for it.

And Ligong notices, initially thinks it's grief and leftover sadness from his father. Maybe Ligong DOES go speak to Zeshou's dad, but instead of saying he's going to break up with him, he firmly says he's NOT going to but that they didn't do anything wrong and losing someone he loves should put into perspective that he shouldn't push his son away. And maybe we still have a similar conversation of him accepting them and Zeshou, only they're still together when this happens and so it should feel even more exciting. But Zeshou is still seeming distant and maybe Ligong tries to talk to him about it, actually trying to communicate. These two fuckers are lawyers and best friends, you really don't think they'd want to pry? But Zeshou doesn't budge, Ligong is still worried.

We can still have Zeshou getting drunk, only Nikita is there to talk to him too rather than throwing a drink in his face. They're friends. Friends help. And maybe while talking Nikita realizes she also needs to do something about her own feelings (Can we please just have Nikita be into Amy for fucks sake instead of whatever that was) and they both just encourage each other to talk to their person. Life is short, yes, but why not just enjoy the moment? Why miss out on things just for fear of what might happen? Be ballsy with it. Maybe even a loud, semi comedic scene of "IM GONNA GO TALK TO MY BOYFRIEND" "AND IM GONNA GO TALK TO THE GIRL I LIKE" "JIAYOU" cue both of them throwing back drinks and Yuki being slightly concerned in the background

Zeshou goes to Ligong's house, still drunk, laying against the door and yelling his name. The door opens and Zeshou falls in and Ligong catches him, Zeshou giggling against his chest. This is all too familiar to Ligong. To many times over the years of Zeshou drunken and being outward with his desire for affection. Only this time it's different because this time Ligong has had plenty of experience with it when he's sober. So he scolds him lightly for yelling in the middle of the night, but he's smiling as he closes the door and leads him to the couch because he missed seeing him smile and missed him relying on him in some way. Ligong wants to take care of him, that was the main point of the stupid choice the show made, so show it this way. Of Ligong, you know, ACTUALLY taking care of him.

"Fu Ligong! Fu Ligong, did you know everyone dies?" And he's drunk and Ligong is starting to get a bit worried by the weird mix of his words with the smile on his face "and not only that, but there are a billion variables! A billion. So many things could happen, we see them every day, so many things, Ligong. Xiao-gong. My xiao-gong. That's not a variable, that's the constant, right? That what it's called."

Ligong suggests they go to bed and talk in the morning and starts to pull him off the couch. He smells bad, but sheets can be washed and showers can be had in the morning. Zeshou keeps talking.

"everyone dies, that's also a constant. Or maybe that's the efficient? Fu Ligong, I'm so bad at math, did you know?" "I know" "anyway the variables can be ANYTHING. We could get married or get a dog or i could piss off more powerful guys with bats or you could get a job offer somewhere in a different country and we'd have to be apart, all of these things do things and change things. All of them! Even food! What's that movie, Fu Ligong, the one where every decision you make changes every single thing, even breakfast?" "I'm sure there's a couple with that concept" "yes but the one with the guy–ah, Fu Ligong, you're so handsome. I keep forgetting to tell you. But I'm living in the moment now and in the moment I think my Fu Ligong is so handsome" And Fu Ligong is smiling but he ignores him as he gets him out of his suit "were you not living in the moment before?" "No! That's what I want to talk about" "I think we should talk in the morning" "no! Fu Ligong," and he pulls his arm, a parallel to the first episode, Fu Ligong falling on top of him and getting a kiss that ends in Zeshou laughing, only this time he doesn't try to get off and Zeshou is holding him there "Fu Ligong is my constant. I don't want to be afraid of things anymore."

And Fu Ligong has so many questions, but he doesn't ask right now, he just pets his head and kisses his face and tells him he'll protect him, soft and promising and Zeshou smiles like he just won the lottery, like that was the answer to all of his questions. And he says he loves him, a little too loud for the time of night and without consideration of their neighbors, and Fu Ligong covers his mouth but he's smiling too and he says he loves him too. And they get in bed to go to sleep

And then in the morning they talk about it. Ligong talks more than usual, asks questions he's usually too nervous to ask. Why were you pulling away, was I making you uncomfortable, was I moving too fast? Zeshou says a more coherent version of what he'd said the night before–that Fu Ligong is his constant and he wants it to remain that way no matter what life throws at him and that he'll try to be more honest when he starts to get scared of what the future might bring. Because it's them. It's always been them. It'll always be them.

Then we get the rest of the final episode of them just being stupid in love about it, like we should.

[kjmsupremacist]

baby, you’re my angel (chan/felix)

Mildly popular TikTok songwriter Felix meets Chan, famous on TikTok for his music and music reviews. They bond over their common ground, friendship blossoming easy and sweet. There’s two problems. One: Felix thinks he likes Chan more than just as friends. Two: Chan is almost fifteen years his senior.

Chapter 9   |   prev   next   mlist

Characters: Felix, Chan, the rest of skz

Genre: college au, romance, fluff, smut, angst

Pairing: Chan/Felix

Warnings: swearing, age gap, angst, alcohol mentions

Rating: Mature

Length: 2.4k

just a friendly reminder that i dont condone age gap in real life, this is just fiction, im just having fun, etc :)

It’s like Felix’s world has turned monochrome. There’s safety in it, certainly; after about a week of excitement, the rumors died down and the online world went back to normal. Chan still posted some of their songs; Felix promotes them as he always would. Rachel approved this with the stipulation that they don’t talk beyond sharing files, and Chan has stuck to it dutifully. 

There’s a part of Felix that’s furious about it, that it’s so easy for Chan to give him up. A particularly nasty part of him is spiteful—of course it’s easy for Chan to go back to how it was before; he’s used to heartbreak, he’s used to being alone. And maybe Felix didn’t have such a profound impact on him as he said he did. But Felix knows that’s not fair. Still, it hurts to see random clips of his other videos where he seems completely normal. When people ask about Felix, Chan doesn’t even bat an eye.

“I made him go study,” Chan says cheerfully. “He’s got finals coming up and all. Told him that just ‘cuz he’s got a job lined up doesn’t mean he can slack off now, you know? That goes for all of you out there finishing up the school year! Stop watching my videos and go study!”

It hurts like nothing else, makes Felix feel pathetic for missing him, for thinking about him all the fucking time. He wants to think it’s the same for Chan, but every day it seems like that’s less and less possible. 

For the most part, though, he does try to keep his promise to Rachel. He tries not to wallow too much, tries to stay in the world. He studies, he hangs out with his friends, he goes to parties, even when all he feels like doing is curling up in a sad little ball on his bed. Every time he laughs, it feels a little hollow. But at least he’s laughing, right? He could be worse. It could be worse.

But honestly, Felix does spend a lot of time thinking about how unfair it is. His parents have a similar age gap. Sure, they met after college, when his mom was thirty-three and his dad was twenty-three, but ten years isn’t so different from fourteen. Is it? So why do his parents get to be happy, while he has to suffer? If he and Chan had only met a year or two later, people probably wouldn’t care at all.

He gets it, you know. That’s part of what attracted him to Chan in the first place, that he was older, that it’s taboo. And honestly, if he was an outsider, he would be scandalized, too. He’d be worried for himself, and vaguely disgusted with Chan. But no one knows what it’s like inside, no one but him and Chan. It’s not that Chan was waiting around to prey on someone young and vulnerable. It’s just that most people his age hadn’t gone through something like he had, so they were in a different place than he was. And sure, with time Felix thinks Chan could find someone his own age with a similar background and similar goals, but—why should he wait, when Felix is right here?

He only texts Chan once. He doesn’t know if it’s better or worse that he’s completely sober when it happens, just up late studying, and stressed and lonely, and before he can think it over, he sends I miss you, plain and simple.

Chan responds within minutes. You shouldn’t be contacting me, Felix. We both promised your sister. And you know it’s for the best.

The worst part is, even this message makes him happy—just to see Chan’s name light up his phone, to read the words in his voice. 

I know, Felix replies. I’m just tired, and I miss you. That’s all.

I’m sorry. I can’t say it enough, Chan sends back, and Felix knows the conversation is over. He puts his phone down and lays his head on his desk, wrapping his arms around himself. Why is it so hard? If we can’t be together, why can’t I just be okay, and move on?

He sits there at least a half an hour, unmoving, and then resigns himself to the knowledge that he won’t be getting any more studying done tonight. Reluctantly, he drags himself to his feet, grabbing his towel so he can go wash up and get ready for bed.

He’s just putting his toiletries away when Hyunjin comes into the bathroom. 

“Hey,” he says quietly as he wrestles with his shower caddy. 

“Hey,” Hyunjin replies. “You okay?”

Felix is too tired to pretend. He’s tired and he feels empty and alone, and everything hurts, and he just wants comfort. He turns, dropping his hands to his sides. “No,” he whispers.

Hyujin wraps his arms around Felix, tugging him close, resting his chin on top of his head. Felix hugs him back, squeezing tight. “I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispers back. “I’m so sorry, Felix.”

Felix can’t help it; he bursts into tears, hiding his face in Hyunjin’s collarbone. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“No, it’s okay,” Hyunjin says. “Wanna come sleep in my room tonight? We can watch a kid’s movie or something, and I have sour gummies that need eating.” He jostles Felix a little. “Whaddya say?”

Felix sniffles wetly, trying to get his breathing under control. “Yeah,” he says in a very small voice. “That’d be really nice, actually.”

“Okay. My door’s unlocked,” Hyunjin says, patting him on the back and then releasing him. “I’m gonna pee and then I’ll come back, ‘kay?”

“‘Kay,” Felix agrees, furiously wiping his eyes and scurrying out of the bathroom before someone else can see him crying.

Hyunjin’s room is clean and dark. His TV is pulsing through screensavers, and he has the strip of LEDs over his bed set to a soft, pleasant lilac. In the corner, a painting dries; Felix realizes it’s of all of them—him and Jisung and Seungmin and Jeongin, and Hyunjin, too, a smaller figure in the back. It’s of them on the beach during their little trip. They’re all laughing, and their hair is messy, their faces bright with sunlight. A new kind of melancholy weaves its way into the empty maze in Felix’s heart.

He hops up onto his bed, snuggling under the blankets, huddling against the wall. He pats around for the remote and starts scrolling Disney+ while he waits. Only a few minutes pass before Hyunjin returns, closing the door with a soft click. He smiles when he sees Felix, nearly buried in blankets.

“Comfy?” he asks. “Want chips, too? I have barbecue flavor ones.”

“Yes please,” Felix says quietly. “Let’s watch Tangled.”

Hyunjin giggles. “Sure, but you have to give your absolute best performance of Mother Knows Best.”

“Deal.” Felix finds himself smiling, too.

Later that night, curled up in the warm dark of Hyunjin’s bed, Hyunjin breathing deep and steady beside him, Felix has to admit that he feels better. He and Hyunjin have been like this since they were young, always close, always cuddly. It’s the familiarity of it, he supposes, the knowing that despite all the things that will change, there are some things that will stay the same. He falls asleep with his limbs tangled in Hyunjin’s, with Hyunjin’s fingers tangled in his hair.

When Jisung finds them in the morning, he laughs. “You’re like puppies,” he says, climbing into bed with them amid sleepy protests. “So cute.”

“Don’t let Seungmin hear you,” Hyunjin mumbles, and Felix giggles, even as one of Jisung’s misplaced elbows nearly collapses his lung.

They’re a couple weeks out from graduation now, and things are, despite everything, wrapping up pretty nicely. Though Felix really is at his wits’ end on all fronts, he has always been good at school, so his grades are somehow fine. On the last day of classes, he throws his work aside and heads to a big party up on the roof of one of the dorms. The air is warm and mild—summer is just around the corner, and everyone can feel it. 

Felix is dancing in a crowd when he feels a hand on his arm. He turns, surprised, and finds himself looking at Wooyoung. He’s wearing a tank top and pretty jewelry and a handsome smile. “Hey,” he says. “Haven’t seen you around recently.”

“Been studying,” Felix replies, offering an apologetic smile in return.

“What for?” Wooyoung laughs. “We’re about to graduate. And you’re smart, no way you’re failing out now.”

Felix shrugs. “What if I do, you know?”

“That’s fair,” Wooyoung concedes. “Just, you know, glad to see you now.”

“Yeah?” Felix’s heart rate picks up.

“Yeah.” Wooyoung steps closer. “I’ve been trying to get your attention all year, you know.”

“Ah,” Felix says. “What… about San-hyung?”

Wooyoung giggles, waving him off. “We’ve been on a break, since he graduated and all, right?” He nudges Felix. “Not asking you for anything serious; we’re about to graduate, too. Just wanted to see if you were interested.”

Felix really considers it for a split second. It would be nice, maybe, and Wooyoung is really hot. If it weren’t for Chan, Felix might have even gone for it in the fall. But then he stops himself. He knows in the end, it’ll only make him feel worse. Besides, it’s not fair to Wooyoung. Even if it is some casual, one-night thing, he won’t let himself make Wooyoung a stand-in for who he’s really missing.

He takes a breath, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, dude, but I just… can’t, you know? I’m sorry, it’s not—I mean, I just can’t. Not with you, not with anyone.”

Wooyoung only smiles. “Nah, it’s cool, I get it,” he says easily, and Felix nearly goes limp with relief. He didn’t think Wooyoung would try to force him at all, he just didn’t want to hurt his feelings. But Wooyoung doesn’t seem hurt. “No worries. I’d much rather you be honest with me.”

Felix nods. “Hyunjin would say yes, I think, if you asked,” he suggests, and Wooyoung smiles wider.

“Thanks for the tip,” he giggles. “I might.”

“Can I ask,” Felix begins, “why you and San decided to go on a break? You don’t have to answer, I just—I don’t know, I thought you guys were in love.”

“We were,” Wooyoung says with a shrug. “Still are, unless I’m mistaken. But, you know, I didn’t want to tie San down, and he didn’t want to pull me away from my senior year. So we agreed, a break and limited contact, so that I could enjoy the rest of college wholeheartedly, and he could get a real start on his life.”

“Do you think you’ll get back together?” Felix asks. “After?”

“I think so.” Wooyoung’s expression softens. “I think… he’s it for me, you know? But since we’re sort of in different stages of our lives, we thought it would be best to grow independently first.” He looks at Felix. “And I don’t regret it, I think it was good for us.” Felix’s heart sort of sinks. Of course they would, of course it’s natural to want different things when you’re not in the same place. Maybe he’s just delusional.

But then Wooyoung continues, “But also… I think sometimes when you’ve found something good, you just know. I think this break was good because I knew at the end, I’d still probably go back to him. It’s not that I have to spend the rest of my life with him to be happy or something. It’s just that I’d really rather it be him than anyone else.” He shrugs again, just one shoulder this time, light humor working its way back into his tone. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t have fun in the meantime. I’m gonna go find Hyunjin, if that’s okay.”

Felix smiles. “Yeah,” he says. “That’s okay.”

He retreats into one of the rooms to get another drink, then perches on the sill of one of the open windows, soles of his shoes brushing the rooftop. He envies Wooyoung and San. They know they’ll have each other to go back to. Felix wishes he were so lucky. But the thing is, he doubts he and Chan will be anywhere as close as they were ever again. He lets out a little resigned sigh.

Around him, laughter swells, drowning out even the loud thumping of music. Felix watches his classmates and finds himself overwhelmed by emotion. Holy shit, he thinks. It’s over. Sure, they have finals still to fight through, and a couple weeks until graduation, but it’s over. The last dregs of his childhood, if there were still any left, are gone. And it’s really exciting, to be moving on to bigger things, to get to grow up and live, and he knows it’s going to be really good, but he’s also so, so, so fucking sad. 

☼ ☼ ☼

Soon, sooner than Felix could have even imagined, finals are over and the only stressor they have left is packing up their entire lives in time for move out. They’ve all started solidifying plans—Felix and Jisung start at the same label in early July, while Hyunjin and Seungmin will spend the summer continuing their job search. They try on their caps and gowns together one night when they’re all tired of packing; Jeongin comes to scrutinize.

“This is you in a year, Jeonginnie,” Hyunjin teases as he surveys his reflection.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Jeongin says. “All of you! Leaving me all alone.”

“You have friends your age,” Jisung points out lightly. “What about Sungchan, and Ryujin and Chaeryeong? You won’t be alone.”

“Yeah,” Jeongin says, “but it’s not the same. It’ll never be the same again.”

The room goes quiet for a moment.

“Yeah,” Felix says softly. “That’s true.”

“I’m scared,” Seungmin confesses, fussing with his tassel. “The real world is scary. What if we don’t survive out there?”

Jisung laughs. “Oh, come on,” he says. “I think we’re gonna be just fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” Hyunjin says, scrunching his nose. “You have a job.”

“And you will too,” Felix retorts, poking him. “And besides, I mean… it has to end sometime, right?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin agrees. “Just wish it wasn’t so soon.”

“You could’ve flunked all your finals,” Jeongin suggests. “And then you could stay another semester.”

The four of them groan. “Don’t even joke about that!” Jisung admonishes. 

The evening before graduation, Felix is putting a few final things into boxes when his phone pings across the room. Curious, he seals a box and picks his way over to his bed where his phone is sitting on the charger.

It’s a text from Rachel. Felix’s heart hammers in his chest, stomach swooping low with anxiety. He reads it again and again, frozen in fear and anticipation, fingers hovering over the glowing screen.

Hey, I know you’re busy packing, but call me before you go to bed? I have something I need to tell you.

[ghosthan]

hello!! i saw that you made a lot of stuff for 1872 and i was wondering if 1872 tony is similar to regular comics tony?? i know mcu and comics tony are different and i want to get into 616, but if 1872 comics are more easy to read i might try those first! 😅

Hello, hello! 

Thank you for asking, and sorry it took me so long to get back to you! I wanted to think about it and put together a thoughtful response because I am desperately trying to convert MCU fans to 1872. Or comics fans who just haven’t gotten into 1872.

This post will contain some 1872 spoilers, but not the Big Spoiler that you probably already know about anyways. 

Anyways, let’s get into it. Yeehaw.

What is 1872? It’s Steve/Tony in the wild west.

1872 comics are very easy to read, very short, and you need absolutely no prior knowledge to get into them; I highly recommend these as a start point for MCU fans who are curious about dipping their toes into some of the other Steve/Tony universes. And 1872 is, indeed, a Steve/Tony universe. It’s really gay, (and dramatic.) Uh. So gay, in fact, that one of the comic artists who drew pages even occasionally shares Steve/Tony shipping memes. So.

Marvel 1872 is a four issue series released as a part of the Secret Wars event; you really do not need to know anything about this to enjoy 1872, because it is a self-contained alternate universe in a “pocket dimension”, meaning it’s totally separate from the 616 cannon but technically exists in the expanse of the multiverse!

Here’s the summary:

In the Battleworld zone of 1872, Sheriff Steve Rogers faces corruption and fear in the boom town of Timely. Can Anthony Stark pull Rogers' fat from the fire? Probably not, since the only thing he seems capable of pulling is a cork from a bottle. Things in Timely are bad, and getting worse — and when a stranger arrives in town, Timely will be changed forever.

Now, to compare “regular comics Tony”, or 616 Tony, with 1872 Tony.

The main difference? 616 Tony wears this sexy little under suit (or nothing) under his armor, like this:

And 1872 Tony wears dirty, stinky one-piece pajamas under his armor (not sexy):

He’s so gross, he’s a mess. I love him. You’ll love him, too. 

No, okay. Being serious.

 616!Tony’s backstory is a lot more complicated just due to how long the character has existed, and the decades of cannon (much of it self-contradictory at points.) Like MCU Tony, 616 Tony used to manufacture weapons, experiences something life-changing, and becomes who he is as a result of this as a catalyst. 616 Tony’s backstory has been rebooted a few times, and I’m definitely not the definitive source on Iron Man lore compared to people who have read all of his comics, but I’ll try to touch on the basics.

Originally, 616 Tony Stark is shaped by his experience in the Vietnam War. This is later rebooted and changed to war in the middle East (we see this in the MCU when Tony is held captive in Afghanistan.) In both circumstances, he is taken captive after being in the air for war technology, and then he creates the suit to save his own life (losing a beloved mentor in the process, the guilt of which stays with him after.)

Tales of Suspense #39

In 1872, Tony’s formative event is the Civil War in some ways, but in other ways, this is only half of it, because this is not the event which causes him to build armor or set him onto his “become a better person” trajectory, like in the other comics. Mainly, the Civil War functions to cause Tony to stop weapons manufacturing and throw his life away down a bottle.

We get a flashback of Tony in the year 1862 with his female companion, picnicking and about to watch a battle, (rich people from the North did this in real life. If you’re interested, read more here!) We don’t get much of his past, but we discover that he is a rifle manufacturer and that he has created something called the ‘Stark Repeating Rifle’, and it seems that he has done so with the hope of encouraging a cease-fire, more than a slaughter.

Well. We don’t always get what we ask for.

Tony vows to actually never touch a weapon ever again, and this personal oath means so much to him that he gets creative at times during 1872 when he’s being chased by baddies:

Witnessing the extreme bloodshed of the Civil War, and feeling responsible for a huge amount of deaths, Tony turns to drinking, (and presumably moves to the west to escape the Pain of his Past, but this is not shown explicitly on panel; I have assumed, though, that Tony’s weapons manufacturing company was in the East, probably Boston or New York, since he comes from family money and because the American West was still “young” at this point in time so it would be unlikely that an established business would be supplying a war from lawless territory with little infrastructure.)

In 616, it’s worth noting that Tony builds the armor to save himself from danger in a war scenario; this is not the case in 1872, things unfold a bit differently. The Civil War certainly sets in motion the chain of events that eventually lead to the creation of Tony’s armor, but he’s not in physical danger or physically traumatized by the war in this verse as he is in other verses, and 616 Tony seems to have a stronger sense of duty than 1872 Tony, but this might be a complication of the depression/apathy related to the alcoholism.

What I mean by this is that both iterations of Tony struggle with alcoholism, but differently. Mainly, while 616 Tony has several alcohol themed arcs, and hits rock bottom with his alcoholism to cope with his trauma, he is sober more than he is drunk in the comics. His drinking almost kills him, and he almost loses everything because of the drink. It’s a source of enormous shame for him.

In fact, during this time in 616, I think Tony at his lowest reminds me a lot of 1872 Tony; 616 Tony is not an apathetic person and he holds himself accountable for an obscene amount of responsibility, but during what is referred to in fandom as The Second Drinking Arc, Tony basically gives up. This is the most “like” 1872 Tony, at least at the start of his arc. Rhodey takes over the mantle of Iron Man, and 616 Tony spirals, not caring whether he lives or dies, not hero-ing certainly.

We see both versions of Tony express similar sentiments, a certain cavalier attitude about their lives (and outright suicidality at other points) with nothing left but the drink.

Iron Man Vol. 1 #182

Compare with:

And you can certainly see a resemblance between this set of panels from IM v.1 #176 and in 1872:

Iron Man Vol. 1 #176 and Marvel 1872 #1

It’s a little different in 1872, where his drinking really is purely a result of his existing despair, and it doesn’t cause enormous problems for him, (minor problems, sure. He spends a lot of time drunkenly singing to Sheriff Rogers, or bothering him from the inside of a jail cell.) But this Tony lives at rock bottom, whereas 616 Tony only stays at rock bottom long enough to get his life back together (as many times as it takes.)

This Tony really doesn’t show any outward shame about his drinking; presumably, the people he knows in Timely have only ever known Tony as a drunk, and none of the people from his old life are here to see him like this. 

This is a Tony who has essentially given up on himself and has moved out West to hide from his shame and his past; this is not a Tony who is scared of letting down his friends by drinking, or scared of shirking his “duty”, because this Tony has moved away from all of his friends and has given himself no duties. He’s a bit more apathetic, but I would argue that this is not because he inherently is a less moral version of Tony, but because in this verse, he was drinking for a very long time and circumstances unfolded differently so it took him a longer time to find that sense of purpose and responsibility (beyond just shutting down manufacturing guns,) which is awakened in him by Steve Rogers. 

616 Tony’s sobriety is a major part of his character, and a conscious choice that he makes, even during some lowest points:

Civil War: The Confession

He takes some amount of pride in his sobriety, and when he does fall off the wagon at times (or magic makes everyone think he did,) it absolutely tears him up because 616 Tony cares very, very much about his sobriety and does not like who he is when he’s drinking. We do not know if 1872 Tony’s father had been a drunk or not, but we know 616 Tony’s father was, and that the drink lead to him treating Tony abusively.

Iron Man Vol. 1 #285 

Avengers Disassembled #1 (This was when ~magic~ made Tony drunk and it wrecked him breaking sobriety without ever having actually drank. Oof.)

616 Tony’s long struggle with alcoholism is a major part of his character and he has had relapses over the years and throughout the reboots, but in general, he does not drink.

1872 Tony starts drinking in 1862 and doesn’t stop until the last pages of the story, so in terms of the cannon we have for him, he is a current drunk, rather than a former drunk. This isn’t to say he doesn’t stop; but since it’s in the last page or so, it sets the reader up to imagine his sober future, rather than exploring his sobriety as 616 does. (Calling all fanfic writers!)

Anyways, both Tony’s are excellent. Both are damaged and traumatized, both are Iron Man in their own ways, both (eventually) find sobriety, both have some cute, quippy dialogue (though 616 Tony tends to be more reserved/polite for sure, in general). 

The last thing I’ll point out, is that both Tonys’ narratives are intertwined with and influenced by their respective Steve Rogers. I’m not saying soulmates but I’m saying soulmates.

Anyways. Sorry this post got super long, and I apologize if any of it is confusing or redundant, I am not functioning at my highest capacity currently. Please read 1872. Let it rock your world. Create & consume the fanworks, I would love to see a boom of 1872 content (more than the fics and art I keep making!) And my ask-box is always open!

[kpurereactions]

Love Shot

CHAPTER 1

A/N: Hello lovelies, Ive been working on this piece for quite a while now and im finally ready to post it. This was inspired by one of my favorite fics of all time, Good Girl, but given my own little twist. I hope you all love Love Shot as much as I do.

Pairing: Exo x Reader

Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff

WARNINGS: Language, Eventual Violence, Lots of Smut Later on

Chapter | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

I let a smile touch my lips before taking a deep breath in, nodding once at the crisp evening air before turning to lock the door of my new combined studio and apartment. It was the first day where fall really felt like fall. The scent of rain lingered under the dense clouds and the sun was already halfway gone.  I had moved back to Seoul only three months ago after being gone for only a little under a year. I had originally came to Seoul to get my masters in painting and painting theory,  though I quickly gained enough local fame and connections that no one could quite understand why I left. So I came back.

I stood on the side of the road, my arm outstretched as I wait for a cab. My closest friend from school in the city was opening his gallery tonight and from the posts on my snapchat I could tell a lot of old classmates were already there. Song Mino was the first friend I made when I first moved here. He was talented and refused to fit into the art box the professor tried to force all his students into, as if art should be something someone else tells you to do. It should be your own thing. We had that in common. My style is simplistic. Aesthetic. Easy to look at, but the more you look the more you see behind the top layer. We both strived to challenge the viewer, and because of that we grew really close in our attempt to stick it to the man.

The first show is always the biggest event of an artist's career, and knowing I was seconds away from Mino’s brought another smile to my face as excitement seemed to run through my toes. I couldn't believe how hard he had been working, despite him refusing to let me see anything he had made to showcase.

The gallery itself was breathtaking, I couldn't help but note the obviously more ‘manly’ stain he had chosen for the wooden columns that broke the continuous glass of the front of the gallery. I was the one who helped him make his mind up. I took it in as it was its own work of art before I even walked up the short staircase to the front doors. The tall white walls were similar to my own space, but his had matching wooden floors and walls that were scattered around the room that broke your vision from seeing everything at once. I gave myself another smile as I noticed familiar faces of old classmates and Professors.

It didn't surprise me when I first walked in that I was being asked about the past year and how I’ve been. I was hard to miss, not just because I stood taller than a majority of the women in the room. The constant questioning reminded me why I chose to fail at reaching out when I got back. I made a point to keep trying to catch eye contact with Mino, who only seemed to mask the chuckle from escaping his lips, choosing to leave me to struggle with the boring repetition of the conversations I was having. I finally found the opportunity to excuse myself and all but power walk over to Mino, pretending not to see anyone else I recognized.

“American style!” He said excitedly, pulling me into a hug.

“Don't you ever leave me to the wolves like that again” I whispered in his ear before pulling back. “Mino this is awesome, I’ve only seen a few pieces but im so proud of you!” I said covering up my mild threat before hugging him tightly again. He chuckled with bright eyes before giving my arms a squeeze.  His eyes widened as he remembered the man standing next to him.

“Y/n, this is Junmyeon. He is a curator who graduated a few years before us. I've been telling him about your work.” He said as my attention moved to the slick haired man.

“You were talking about me at your own opening?” I said reaching for his hand to shake it.

“I actually asked specifically about you.” Junmyeon said with a soft smile that slowly grew.

“Oh, wow.” I tried to get out past the sound of my heart fluttering at his radiant smile. “Its very nice to meet you then.”

I was informed that Junmyeon was planning on stopping by my studio in the next few days, which brought on a new wave a nerves I've never experienced before. It wasn't until Mino placed his hand on my back to excuse the two of us could I finally breathe.

“Jesus, why is he so intimidating?” I said looking back over my shoulder as he dipped his chin to take a sip of his drink.

“If you think he’s intimidating your crazy” Mino said, leading me over to the first piece he wanted to show me.

“Did he asked to buy any of your work?” I asked before he could change the topic.

“All of it.” Mino said with a big smile.

“All of it?!”

“Yes. He’ll probably buy a lot of your stuff too. It’s more his style anyways.”

“Oh my god.” I said shaking my head.

I let Mino take control of the conversation as he began to explain the clay molded figure in front of us. I spent the rest of my time there following Mino around, while sipping on my wine and listening to him talk. Even though, as much as I was paying attention, it was hard to get your mind off of Junmyeon.

“Promise me you wont sell this one. I know you promised everything but see if this one could be an exception. I want to buy it.” I said pointing at a tall, organic figure of a woman. The memory of when Mino had made it flooded back as it was my first time to ever pose for another artist.

“Ill ask.” he said smiling before taking my hand and leading me to the next piece.

I tried to stay as late as I could. Mino was off somewhere talking art leaving me once again to be interrogated by my former classmates who all seemed to be very smug about the fact that I had yet to have an opening. It didn't matter what valid excuse I would give, they only cared that it hasn't happened yet. Thankfully I must have looked as uncomfortable as I felt since a hand wrapped around my arm to pull me back. I was just about to thank Mino for coming back and saving me when I turned to face Junmyeon.

“You didn't look too excited about that.” He said looking back over to the three girls who were all staring with confused and almost jealous looks in their eyes.

“Good to know it was obvious.” I said taking a sip of wine. Just as I was about to say something else Mino walked up.

“I think I'm going to head out. I have a pick up early in the morning.” I said, trying not to make it sound like I was at my ropes end with the girls who had added whispering to their staring. I smiled and quickly kissed Mino’s cheek softly before turning to Junmyeon and shaking his hand again, trying to do so without having to hear a protest from Mino.

The air outside sobered me up a little, and because of how nice it was outside I couldn't help but smile and start to walk down the sidewalk. Mino’s studio wasn't that far from mine, just a few blocks down and a horseshoe turn away, so I placed my hands in my coat pocket and began to walk. I let my eyes wander from the fashion that was passing me to the way the lights reflected off the puddles left from the rain that morning. Just as I was really starting to enjoy my walk the sky opened again, soft raindrops falling from the sky.

I sighed, of course this would happen. Clocking where I was I dipped into an alley, deciding the fastest way to get out of the rain in my heels would be to cut through the alleyways. Usually this idea was fine. I would maybe run into one or two strangers, but they were usually restaurant owners who were taking the trash out or sweeping their areas so the sound of voices deeper in the alley didn't really bother me.

“Kai come on! Oh my god no.” I heard a man laugh deeper into the darkness of the alley. But as I got closer to my studios back door I realized the figure I could hardly make out at first were men. Multiple men. Usually this wouldn't bother me but as I got closer the feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach started to deepen and deepen.

I took a deep breath when I started to pass them, my heart beating a million miles a minute while trying to keep a poker face to seem unphased so they wouldn't pay me any mind. Until they did.

“Hey wait!” I heard one of them call. I quicken my step slightly. Not to show I was scared, but just incase. “Wait, where are you going? I’ll walk you home.”

I looked up to see a half lit face walking backwards in front of me. I squinted slightly to try to get my eyes to adjust to what was under the ball cap he wore, but there was no use.

‘Shit’ I thought. I was staring too long. I looked away and quickened my step again.

“Oh come on! At least tell me your name!” He shouted after he stopped, his voice now behind me.

I was able to breathe again once my key was in my door, officially sure he stopped following me. But still the shape of the man's mouth was enough to stay in my brain as I flicked the lights to my gallery on and made my way upstairs to my bed.

___

“Mino I swear they were so scary.” I said pushing my denim painting shirt up past my elbows before wrapping my hands around the coffee cup that sat in front of me.

“I just don't understand why you didnt call a cab when you left.” He said sitting back in his chair, obviously taking it out on himself for not seeing me off safely.

“I just wanted to walk. I didn't plan on going through the alley.” I grumbled. I hated when Mino tried to school me. He was only a few months older than I was, and although I knew here it meant something different, he also knew that where I’m from it didn't.

“Do you at least remember what they looked like?” He asked, noticing my mood change.

“Um.. kind of. There were like five or six of them, but I only got a good look at one of them. He was a little taller than you, pillow lips… he was wearing a hat so I really didn't get a good look at his eyes. But he had to have been an athlete of some sort.” I said, my words getting quieter as I realized I would have had nothing to go off of if something bad had happened.

The coffee date ended with Mino once again scolding me, which I knew I deserved, but there was only so much I could take without pouting all the way home. I couldn't help thinking about the man in the hat. Why he was there in the alley with his friends. Why did he follow me, but then give up so easily? It's not like his friends were calling him back. If he was going to bother me in the first place, why give up? The more I thought about what had happened the more I worked myself up. They probably saw me unlock my door. What if they showed up in my studio? What if they came back with more people?

I half thought about texting Mino, but knew there was no point. He would be more worried about it than I was and he had better things to do then baby sit me in my own home. So instead, the moment I got inside I turned my windows down, making sure no one could see inside my studio incase they were passing to see if I was there. It was weird, though, this new set fear was enough to put me into overdrive. My inspiration hit me in my face and I couldn't pull a fresh canvas out fast enough to get the blurred images of last night down.

———

Music played loudly as I was lost in my own world. A galaxy of light and dark colors swirled and blended into one another across my canvas creating the confusing, but exciting pattern that seemed to get better with every stroke.

I was pulled out of my own head when the sound of someone's voice yelling over the music made me look up. I smiled to see Junmyeon and two other men trailing him into the room.

“Oh! One second please!” I said trying to press pause with the clean part of my palm. “Sorry, I didn't realize how loud that had gotten.” I said wiping my hand on my shirt before shaking Junmyeons hand.

“Its fine, good to see your working so hard because I brought with me two potential buyers.” He said gesturing to the two men on his left. “This is Byun Baekhyun and Kim Jongin.” He said.

I smiled shaking Baekhyun's hand, but the moment I met Jongin's eyes I felt my body stiffened slightly. He was familiar. Almost to familiar. I forced the feeling to be shaken off though, there was no reason why he would have possibly been brought into my studio if he had been hiding out in the alleyway behind the building the night before. Or at least I had hoped. But there was something about the way he smiled at me that made me feel like he knew it too. That he had seen me the night prior too.

I tried hard not to think about it. If Junmyeon was there, I was safe and if he was the man he probably wouldn't try to do anything with two other people there to witness. I turned my attention back to Junmyeon who asked if he could look through my paintings.

“Oh of course. And the racks on this back wall have more in it. I rotate them so the ones that are up are only there because they have a similar theme.” I said before trying to smile as normal as possible and turning back to my easel.

My drive was gone. I was too busy focusing on Jongin, who stood there supporting his chin in his hand as he listens to Junmyeon explain why he liked a certain piece. I took this opportunity to text Mino. Now if any would be a good time to alert him.

Mino, I think the guy from last night in the hat is in my studio with Junmyeon. I don't know what to do.

“Y/n, were looking to fill a room. Do you have any others with these same earthy tones?” Junmyeon said, pulling my attention away from my phone.

“Oh, yes. There over here.” I said smiling, slipping my phone into my back pocket before leading the men over to the opposite wall. I walked them through my color schemes, explaining to them the way I had everything organized just incase they changed their mind on a color or style they wanted. I was surprised Junmyeon and Baekhyun were able to distract me from the thoughts swirling in my head for the rest of the time they were there, but it helped that Jongin stayed behind us, obviously not trying to chime in.

“Y/n, thank you once again for taking us in on such short notice. We will take the one on the wall and the two that have been stored if they are not already spoken for.”  

“Of course, Ill wrap them for you so they’re ready to be taken.” I said turning to make a mental note as to which ones it was.

“Thank you again. We will be in touch.” He said, bowing his head slightly before taking my hand in a soft, yet firm hand shake.

“Thank you.” Baekhyun said sweetly as he took my hand next.

“Good to see you again. I hope to see you in the future as well” Jongin said with a small wink before taking my hand and giving it a firm shake.

The moment his hand touched mine my heart dropped. There couldn't be a way that was really him. The moment the door closed I reached for my phone again only to see Mino hadn't responded. It didn't stop me from quickly typing out another message, though.

It was him. It had to be him. Why else would he tell me it was good to see me again before winking if it wasn't him?

I looked up to see their backs bending one by one to get into the large black vehicle they came in, and once I was sure the door to the vehicle was closed and they weren't looking I quickly walked forward and locked the door again before backing up to my easel where I desperately tried to finish my work before deciding to just give up.

I couldn't focus. Not while finishing, not while making myself dinner, and not while I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. I rolled to my side and reached for my phone. 3:00am. I sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of my bed, taking my blanket with me and wrapping it tightly around my shoulders. I made your way up to the railing of my room slowly which allowed me look down onto my gallery. I wrapped the blanket closer over my shoulders before letting my elbows rest on the railing so I was more comfortably looking out the window. I smiled to myself finally feeling calm again. I loved how quiet the streets were at night. How all the colors of the lights around seemed to mix together on the rained on asphalt that laid below them.

It felt calm. But as my eyes were scanning I couldn't help but see two figures standing across the street. I squinted my eyes to try to catch a reflection of who the people were only to realize it was Jongin and Junmyeon. I stared at the two in shock as they talked across the road. They seemed to be laughing. I tried to calm myself down, telling myself they were probably just out getting drinks and just so happened to be standing across the street from my apartment. But then I remembered what the time was. I couldn't stop myself from panicking, and just as I was about to turn to hide myself, my eyes met with Jongin’s.

I didn't know it was possible for my heart to drop even further into my stomach as he gave me a devilish grin and wink. I scrambled back to my bedside table where I quickly reached for the remote that controls my space, knocking it off the table before I was able to press the button that made my windows go solid.  

Chapter 2

[zanesgirlfriend]

Strangers Don't Have Secrets | Jeff Wittek

Description: The reader gets into trouble at a club and Jeff saves the day.

Warnings: Intense language and a really gross slimey dude

Requested?: Yes, im going to combine a couple of requests here, if yall want different/more imagines with similar themes just lmk!

@simplespectres : Protective jeff maybe? Or drunk jeff confessing his feelings for you

@puppershnups : can I request just a super angsty Jeff imagine? Like go ahead and make me sob I love it.

@suzobawuzo : In love with your Jeff posts! How about something where he is jealous ab your friendship with someone (you might or might not be together yet) but it turns into a whole lot of fluff in the end?? THANKS <3

A/N: I know thats a lot of requests in one story but I figured i could make them fit pretty well. i also kinda based "the reader's" actions in this after effy from skins so if yall have seen that youll probably like this lol. Thank yall for requesting stuff, it means a lot :)

__________

Back again, at a club, on a Saturday night. The gang was all there, dancing and drinking as much as they could. Of course there was David, camera in hand, floating from group to group. There was also Y/N sitting at a bar, attempting to make the night go faster by talking to slimey men. Next there was what she considered to be "fuck-boy" territory. They stayed near the center of club, grinding and taking body shots off of eachother. Generally just trying to get as wasted as they could. Todd, Zane, Scott, and Jeff were generally part of this group. Most of them seemed to find a girl to dance near, except for Scott, as he was actually commited to a relationship. Y/N admired that about him.

She wanted to know if the boys ever wondered why she always went out with them, but never seemed to do anything. There were two reasons. One being that she could always be an extra Designated Driver, God-forbid something happen to David. The second reason being that she loved to watch. She wanted to study behavior, and know her friends more intimately than they thought she did.

She noticed how when nobody was talking to David, he became incredibly awkward. The way his smile fell off of his face, and how he curved his body to avoid touching people as he moved through the groups. She also noticed Jeff, and how he didn't like to dance. Counting all the times he would catch her eye, and then pretend he was looking at something else.

Recently she spent most of her time watching Jeff. Something about him being new to the group, and having a questionable past intrigued her.

"Is this seat taken?" A handsome stranger asked her.

"No, go ahead." She smiled. Out of all the men that usually talked to her, this one seemed the most sober. He sat in the chair next to hers, turning around to face away from the bar like she was.

"So are you here with anybody?" His breath tickled the side of her face as he leaned in. She noticed the very full beer in his hand, as if he'd just gotten there.

"Nope, just me." She lied, enjoying the mystery she created for this man to solve. She could tell the fact that she was alone got his attention by way of him immediately scooting closer to her.

"Well, let me keep you company." The man smiled, but something about his smile was off. It was as if he was too perfect. As if he was here to distract her from something bigger. She noticed this and immediately turned back towards the club, spotting all of her friends and checking to make sure they were okay.

"Sure." She tried to keep her answers short, not knowing what this man really wanted from her.

"Why don't I get you a drink?" He offered. This was a big red flag for her, but she wanted to really see what this man was after.

"Sure." She checked her phone for a second while the man talked to the bartender.

Hey can u make out with zane for a bit this dance floor is kinda dead

David had sent that text less than five minutes earlier. She decided that she wanted this mysterious man to get confused about her character, so she replied to David with

Sure, I'll be there in a min

"Here you go." The man handed her a martini. She hated martinis.

"I'll be right back. Keep an eye on me." She placed the drink on the bar and walked over to fuck-boy territory. David attempted to explain to her what he wanted her to do, but she looked over her shoulder at the man and decided to wing it.

She grabbed Zane's face, bringing their lips together, and slipping her tongue in his mouth. She could tell he was enjoying it. Everyone else in the group around them was yelling, shocked by the intense kiss. She pulled away, immediately looking back towards the man at the bar, a smirk on her face as he smiled.

"I'll see you guys later." She walked away. On the way out of the group, though, she noticed Jeff's face. He looked sadder than usual. She wish she'd known him well enough to be able to tell what he was thinking.

"Did you know those guys?" The man asked her as she returned to her seat at the bar, this time facing towards the bartender instead of the boys.

"No." She lied again.

"He looked like he enjoyed it." The man was very focused on her lips.

"Probably." She knew what the man would say next, hearing it verbatem in her head as he said it.

"Maybe I would enjoy it, too." He was very close to her now. Uncomfortably close.

"I don't think so." His hand landed on her thigh, a little too close to the hem of her skirt. Her sixth sense was tingling again, and she attempted to spin the bar stool to check on her friends. The man grabbed it though, stopping her from changing direction. "Where do you think you're going?" His breath was hot and sticky this time. His hand creeped closer to her skirt. She used the hand on her free side to reach for the small can of pepper spray in her bag, just in case things went wrong.

"Bro, back the fuck off of her." Jeff's voice immediately brought out a sigh of relief from y/n.

"And who the fuck are you?" The man spun around, keeping a grip on the girl.

"I'm her friend, now back the fuck off, she's obviously uncomfortable." Jeff's accent seemed intimidating, but not intimidating enough to scare the man away.

"I thought you came here alone?" The man was now angry with y/n.

"Strangers wouldn't be strangers without secrets." She spun her stool towards Jeff, admiring his firm stature for the first time.

"You gonna leave her alone now?" Jeff stepped closer to the two, sizing up the creepy man.

"You can't just come in here and ruin our moment, dude." The man stood up now. He had a few inches on Jeff.

"You didn't have a fucking moment, asshole. She wants nothing to do with you, fucking creep." The boys were really going at it now, so y/n texted David.

Bar. Now. Jeffs about to fight someone.

David gathered the rest of the boys and hurried to the bar as soon as he recieved the text. His camera was on, but he also didn't wanna escalate the situation even further.

The man was now really mad that Y/n had lied to him. "You fucking lied to me, you cunt!" He lunged towards her. Jeff jumped in front of him, protecting her, as the other boys tried to hold the man back.

She had dropped her mysterious persona at this point, genuinely terrified that someone would get hurt. She grabbed on to Jeff's arm, feeling him flex as adrenaline ran through his veins.

The boys underestimated this man's strength, for he managed to free his right arm, and land a right hook to Jeff's jaw. Blood dripped out of his mouth. Jeff was fuming now, not wanting anybody to take advantage of him, or embarass him in front of the girl he thought so highly of. Jeff slipped out of y/n's grip, punching the man in the nose.

Before things could escalate any more, security had arrived and helped separate the two bloody men. They also kicked the entire group out of the club. The man sat against a wall outside, trying to get the blood to stop pouring out of his nostrils. The gang walked back towards David's Tesla.

"What happened? Why were you fighting?" David asked as he pointed the camera towards y/n and Jeff. She was too embarassed to say anything, knowing it was all her fault.

"He was feeling her up, and she wasn't feelin' it. I wasn't gonna watch her go through that." Jeff spit blood onto the sidewalk as y/n linked her hand in his. She had a new affinity for him. Something about him protecting her just really turned her on.

"Jeff, stop being so nice, you make the rest of us look like dicks." Todd joked, causing everyone to laugh. Even y/n cracked a smile.

David dropped Jeff off at his apartment, and everyone "ooooooh'ed" as y/n got out with him. She thanked David for the ride and went inside with Jeff.

"You didn't have to do that for me, but thank you." She smiled.

"I couldn't stand seeing you with anybody else anymore. Especially after you made out with Zane." Jeff unlocked his door and held it open for her.

"Why do you care that I made out with Zane? It was just a bit." She questioned him as she looked around Jeff's apartment. She had never been here before.

"I gotta take Nerf for a walk, I'll be right back." Jeff ignored her question as a cute french bulldog ran out into the entryway.

"Answer my question." She demanded, watching Jeff hook up the dog on a leash.

"Be right back." He shut the door behind him as he left with the dog.

She spent most of her time alone thinking about how little she actually knows Jeff, and how what he did for her was a huge character development in her mind. The door opened, and Jeff entered with his dog.

"I care because I was supposed to be the one to make out with you." He said, pretending to be more focused on the dog than the girl. She looked at him quizzically.

"Then why did David tell me to make out with Zane?" She was very confused now.

"Well, that was just to get you to come near us, considering you always come to the club just to sit and watch us, which I don't understand at all." Jeff sat on the couch, y/n followed. She smiled at the fact that he really did wonder why she came. "But if you woulda listened to David, he was gonna tell you to make out with both of us." Jeff ran his hand through his hair, and leaned his elbow on the top of the couch.

"I'll tell you why I just sit and watch you later, but why did you wanna kiss me so bad?" She just wanted to understand him.

"Because, y/n, I fucking like you, okay?" He grabbed her hand. "I've been trying to show you that, but you always seem like you want nothing to do with me. Now I'm sittin' here like an asshole, pouring my heart out to you, when you probably don't even like me." He was talking faster now, his accent thickening as he spoke.

"If I wanted nothing to do with you I would've just gone home." She reasoned with him. Before he could speak again she closed the distance between them. Their lips locked together instantly, feeling like they were made to be together. His hands found her waist as she climbed into his lap.

"Tell me all of your secrets." She said to him as she pulled away.

"What?" He brushed a hair out of her face. Her eye contact was very intense as she looked at Jeff with a new lust in her eyes.

"Strangers wouldn't be strangers without secrets, and I don't wanna be strangers anymore."

[chowtrolls]

Why wouldn’t Bru and Toresce speak again?

oh boy! Long post ahead! Also this is so jumbled i just wrote a 7 page paper so im not organizing this.

TL;DR: They got into a very heated argument where Bruuno was trying to complain about the shitty things happening to him (as one does w/ a quad mate), and Toresce made fun of him, so he blew up. There’s a lotta issues and shit, below there is mentions of abuse, alcohol, self harm, and suicide.

Like he expected it to happen but not to the extent in which it did. He expected a little sympathy. So:

Toresce got angry and was basically like “oh boo fucking hoo poor bruuno who has a mate and moirails and people who love him, everything sucks for the dude whose life is so perfect” (Important context: Toresce had a meltdown and Bruuno was there for him, helped him, and then this happened and Toresce didn’t so Bruuno felt EXTRA betrayed) and bruuno snapped because he was completely sober in that moment. When he’s sober he tends to get angry very easily which is why he drinks as much as he does. Its an adhd thing. But Bruuno snapped, like, was not thinking straight. Said some stuff he shouldnt have, sorta begged Toresce to kill him for a moment then called him a coward when he didn’t, then had to be literally thrown out because he would have tried something stupider than begging the man who hates him to kill him. And, At the moment in the storyline, Bruuno is AWOL ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Kinda glad I haven’t gotten any asks for him since his muse is still incredibly pissed off. He is very prone to saying something he doesn’t mean when he’s angry. We weren’t sure if we were going to keep this canon but I feel like its an important development in their relationship.

It is kind of important to also note that this is similar to what Bubble would do if Bruuno had any issues. Downplaying his suffering, saying he has nothing to be upset about, it’s what caused him to start bottling things up in the first place. So to tell someone he thought was better than Bubble only for them to act like Bubble was a huge shock, could even go so far as to say it was a trigger. That’s not even something he can explain to Toresce. He can’t tell Toresce “Hey dont do that, my ex did that” because Toresce will just make fun of him, dismiss him again, or so Bruuno believes. 

For a bit I thought Bruuno would apologize but the more time has passed, the more I know he’s not going to. He probably won’t speak to Toresce until either A. Chow makes him or B. Toresce apologizes first. Toresce just massively confuses him, he doesn’t get The guy. He tried to care, then that was too much. He stopped caring, then that wasn’t good either. He cared again when Toresce had issues, then that was okay??? Sorta?  Then He asks for care back, and that isn’t okay, so he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know what happy medium Toresce wants. So I think he’s given up.

He’s tired. Not a lot of Positive things has happened for him recently. His muse has gotten progressively worse and worse, I know he’s getting depressed. I can tell he is giving up. I’ve been frantically trying to think of something good that can happen to him to lift his spirits. He’s heading in a bad direction. He has no coping skills anymore, he is convinced now that he can’t tell anyone what’s bothering him, he can’t be around Shiloh atm (for other reasons) so there’s extra guilt on top of all that. He’s having a really rough time.

I’m not about to do anything w/o consulting any of the muns who are active in his life (Like his moirails or his mate), but it IS in Bruuno’s nature to run away and hide so in the moment he is avoiding being seen, probably hasn’t gone to his hive, probably only talking to his moirails. He doesnt talk to Pictor a whole bunch so that isn’t too much of an issue for him, theyre really busy. He also doesn’t like to tell people about his issues, he absolutely hates anyone thinking he could have an issue. Not because he thinks he’s perfect but because that makes him less capable to care for other’s. He admitted to someone how he actually felt, someone who is his rival so it was kind of humiliating, and having that kind of response just killed a piece of him. When I think too much about him i can feel how ruffled his feathers are, how bad everything feels. But this is a new situation: He can’t run off and do what he usually did to cope (which was sleeping around as a form of self harm, drinking, or (recently) tussling with a kismesis), he can’t drink himself sick, he can’t complain to anyone he actually loves because Obviously they’ll use it against him or do the same thing because Clearly Bubble Toresce is right (/s).

He’s having a very rough time at the moment. I honestly have not felt him be so low in a very long time. He was doing really, really good for a while, and things started to crumble and now the wall has shattered and he’s left with a bunch of dust. He’s not doing a very good job of piecing himself back together and I am eagerly trying to find something that can help because I’m not sure he’s going to want to open up to anyone anymore.

Do I feel bad? Kinda. But I’ve been there, I know what he’s going through, I’ll get him out of it one way or another. He’ll be okay. If Toresce ever apologizes, they’ll be okay. He won’t be back to perfect but he’ll be better. I think he will -eventually- tell a moirail what happened. I think he will -eventually- get better help. MegaDad and Leo are trying (Because currently Bruuno is hiding in Leo’s hive.)

He’ll be okay.

[cnc-hoebayb]

Mía

Sorry this pic is awful quality skfjsl but i was inspired by this vid this was in (y’all remember) and some songs i thought were pretty fitting

Also if u remember this vid, there’s a part with * by it and his dancing in it is what I’m referring to lol

.

.

It wasn’t just the night life, or the fame and action that made things exciting. It was always him. There was an electricity and fire within him that always made you feel so much bigger than life and so damn happy.

You fed off each other’s energy in every way, and life couldn’t have been more positive and genuinely fun.

There was no doubt that you were meant for each other. And it shone through to you in so many different ways.

Like tonight. It was similar to any other night that you guys spent with each other. There was always so much free time left in between rehearsals and concerts surprisingly.

Which gave you guys so many opportunities to go out and explore the cities. Some nights you prowl the town looking for the best burgers. Others you would go out to old dusty arcades or bowling alleys. And nights like this, it was so thrilling, and sometimes even relaxing to just go out to a club and dance.

You remember when Chris had used to be the jealous type, starting fights with anyone who looked at you funny or got too handsy. But after time he had became more confident with your guys’ relationship, and since then its always been the most fun you’ve ever had with him.

(I mean, he still wasn’t afraid to throw a punch, with your permission obvi, if he saw some creep try to cop a feel)

So you guys would stay close in clubs like this, not just as a cautionary, but where else would you want to be if he was all you needed? He always found a way to make the night so much better.

Like at this moment. He had dragged you from the bar where you were settled because “tenemos que bailar ahORA”

You laughed and he pulled your arm towards the dance floor as J Balvin filled the air. He loved this damn song.

“Si las mujeres piden,”

“REGGAetOn regGaETON” he scream sang to you and jumped up and down excitedly.

You hype him up with oohs and aaahs, even creating your own ad libs as he makes the floor his own show. He was at his peak rowdiness tonight. You had both been boozin it up lightly so he was a little more energetic that usual.

You liked that about him. He wasn’t the type to get gross trashed drunk, he always just became more hyper and sometimes even willing to go up and fuck with the dj until he was in charge.

So right now you’re lookin at him being a complete dumby singin at the top of his lungs and it’s so perfect. Until he reaches for his phone...

“Chris nO” you shout because you know he’s about to post the millionth video onto his infamous Instagram story. You reach for the phone as he raises it above his head so you can’t reach.

“nonOno, solo quiero tomar un foto, just one k” his words slur a bit. You laugh at him and shake your head, “no, basta, your followers can’t take any more”

“Imma get you a water, stay here” you demand and run off to find an attempt to sober him up a bit. As you reach the crowded bar, the music changes rapidly into a little reggaeton breakdown before finally landing on one particular Bad Bunny song.

And it’s almost instantly that you hear Chris scramble across the room to find you. “T/N WHERE U AT” you laugh as he rushes up to you at the bar.

“Come on we have to dance to this one,” he insists another time and you try not to budge.

“Hold on im getting you a water, you really need it right now, Chris,” he rolls his eyes and whines like a baby.

“Amoooorrr, this song is for youuuu” you look at this puppy of a human and the begging stance he’s in, and you have no choice but to give in.

You smile and shake your head “Después, agua. Entiendes??” “yayaya” he responds quickly before pulling you once more into the dance floor.

You had to admit, the song choice was perfect and you were excited to be back in the crowd.

“Porque todos te quieren probar”

He grabs your hand and gives you a spin before holding you close. Even when he was a little tipsy, he always knew how to keep it together for a dance.

“See, perfect song,” he gives you a wink as he parts from you to dance to himself a little.

You both weren’t afraid to dance alone. It was almost more fun than together. This way you could see everything the other was doing and enjoy the view.

You would shake your hips a little, flip your hair from side to side as you swayed to the beat.

The first chorus was ending and Chris was doing that dance he had perfected over time. That one where he would hold his hand right over his belt and rock his lower half, his shoulders arched back the tiniest bit, almost always sticking his tongue out and smirking to you. It was his *signature move.

And as soon as that first verse hit, it was total alter ego moment for him.

“Bebé yo soy fan de tu caminar

Te doy todo lo mío hasta mi respirar,”

He immediately began to gesture toward you and rap like his life depended on it. He was always good at simple impressions, just never took it seriously enough in public. So in moments like this, it was a privilege to see it first hand.

So there you were, dancing like you would at a concert by yourself, jumping up and down and waving your hands in the air. And Chris, he was pulling all the typical Bad Bunny movements spot on.

Everything from the stance, the way he played with and touched his jewelery, he even threw in a little nudge at his glasses that made you visual him even more

He slowed down the act a little as the song went on, pointing to you like the lucky one in the crowd, and now singing into a fake mic in his hand.

“Que dejen de tirarte

Que a ti nadie va a tocarte...”

And like your minds were in sync, you both give a big smile and scream out while jumping in place..

“DILE QUE TÚ ERES MÍA, MÍA”

It was a mixture of dancing that had a purpose and rhythm at first, but also the product of one too many shots of fireball....

Limbs were flying everywhere, your hair and his looked a mess from the surprising amount of head banging that was goin on.

“Cuando yo te lo hacía”

Chris hypes you up as the next verse comes up quickly. He knew it was your favorite part, and he nods his head in a way that says “Go all in bro”

And with that you attempt at a not as great rendition of Bad Bunny as he had. It wasn’t as convincing as it could’ve been, but damn you performed your ass off in that moment.

“Yo soy tu Romeo, pero no Santo” you sang and began to drape your arms around his neck. He held on to you and swayed to the beat.

You gave him a little peck on the lips and sang your favorite part to him, changing the slightest detail to it.

“Pero yo soy tuya na’ más..”

He aligns your hips with his and you start a sloppy grind. You push off of him suddenly as you start to rap the next part with complete ease.

The words pour out smoothly and you’re so freaked out you’re doing so good that you look at Chris with wide eyes to make sure he’s seein it too. He’s just as shocked and starts bobbing his arm in the air, his other hand cupped over his mouth as he starts hyping you up with random noises and singing little phrases here and there.

The verse starts coming to an end and you gotta admit you feel on top of the world right now. You’re both in each other’s faces and finish it out together.

“Dile que yo no soy cualquiera,

Yo soy tu primero, tú eres mi primera”

He lets out a long and continuous laugh after he realizes how obnoxious you guys must look to others right now. You fold forward and laugh in that way that you feel throughout your whole body.

And you had to admit, after all that you were starting to feel yourself pretty hard. So you shut your eyes and laughed, letting the liquor from earlier and the song guide your movements.

You could feel Chris putting a hand or two on your every so often and singing the lyrics loudly, knowing he was directing it towards you.

“Tú sabes que eres mía, mía...”

Your heart started to get that glowy warm feeling that always happened around this time. The one whenever you and Chris would find that song of the night that made you truly feel free and more in love than ever.

That was always the best moment.

So you kept your eyes closed and locked it in to your memories, thanking the drunk dumby that kept dragging you to the dance floor.

[s0mebodyto-love]

finsta

a/n: I’m back with a Ben fic to output my emotions about real life things lmao so here you go!! My actual experience ends with the post, so I’m hoping something actually happens lmaoooo. Here’s college!Ben with some childhood friendship and some fluff thrown in too.

WC: 1750

Every Thursday night, the bar right across the street from the bus station hosts a karaoke night, and on many an occasion you find yourself there with your little crew. It’s you, your roommate, and some of the girls you sing with in an on-campus choir for non-music majors. The drinks are cheap and everyone goes to sing and have a good time right before the weekend hits.

The little Irish pub lowers its lights and the prices of drinks, and fills quickly. Bursts of cold air blow through the door as it opens and shuts, regulars going in and out to smoke and college students pouring in.

You and you friends swagger in, wrists donning loose orange paper bands showing that you’re the right age remain inside and order drinks. You get a beer, while the others in your group sip on vodka crans and ciders, and you all commandeer a table towards the raised dining area acting as the stage tonight.

At this specific location, karaoke can be anything. Throughout the night, you see people singing their hearts out to Disney, ABBA, and Fifth Harmony. Anything goes, and everyone is singing everything. It even comes down to a group of nearly thirty-somethings singing “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 29” that leaves you in stitches as you sing along.

However, the song you sing hits a little bit more towards home than you expected.

This week has already been a little bit rough. You’ve been on your period, and you reminded yourself of your on-again-off-again feelings for someone back at home… Ben Jones. You’ve known each other since the earlier days of schooling, back when you were 10 years old and him 11. Over the years, it snuck on you slowly just how much you liked him. Your families get along, and have known each other just as long as you two have.

You don’t talk a lot, and most of that has to do with the fact you go to different universities.

But whenever you’re both home, you find yourselves sitting at a high-top at the local coffee shop or shoved into a tiny booth at a local restaurant to sit, eat, and talk for three hours at a time, at the very least. There’s no one else you’ve ever been able to do anything like this with, and that’s made a large impact on your love life.

Any attempt at a date with anyone else is a comparison to Ben.

So this week, karaoke. Right.

You sang Maroon 5’s “Payphone”, rather poorly but you kicked major ass at the rap (which no one expected), and you got to sing it while an old flame from freshman year was in the room.

“Whatever happened,” you wonder, “to those plans we made for two? A load of bullcrap.”

~*~*~

The crowd tapers off from the pub around 1 AM, as a pair of girls sing Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” and as your crew decides to venture into the cold drizzle to get late-night pizza. At this point, you’re tipsy, two of your friends are drunk, and the last two of your friends are sober.

The pizza parlor is packed with college students leaving other bars in groups of 5-6 and pack into booths with the steam still rising from slices of pizza. Your crew stands in the front and orders, then moves into a similar booth and get to talking about anything and everything.

And you get to talking about Ben, after talking about a different date you went on that was okay but clearly was no comparison to the boy you know from home.

“He’s just… everything I guess? My person?” your rambling begins.

“I don’t know, he’s just always been one of my good friends, he knows my family, he’s known me forever… If I’m still attracted to him after all his bad hair phases, I think that means something?” You bring up pictures on your phone too, trying to make the point that one you two would be so good looking together, and two he’s just so attractive to you and you absolutely have to show that off to anyone who will listen.

“Like, see?” They do.

The conversation moves forward after that, but you’re stuck. As you always have been.

You’re quiet the rest of the night, your thoughts stuck throughout the car ride back to campus.

As soon as you and your roommate walk through the door to your apartment, you book it to your bathroom; no longer shared after one of your other roommates moved out at the end of last semester.

Drunk you pees, then sits on your phone for five minutes, typing away on a caption for the finsta post you know Ben will have access to, but unsure if he’d ever read it.

i know you can see this and i hope i’m making this obvious enough. because here is where im most open, and if i don’t get it out now im afraid i wont. liquid courage. its you. it has been you since i realized i cant spend three hours with anyone else in a starbucks and get away with it. no one compares to you, and no one will. and i get you probably don’t feel the same. but if i don’t say anything i know ill regret it. youre the person i see when im singing all these dumb fucking love songs, and im sorry. and here i am, i guess. im sorry. ignore this, or maybe tell me what you think. im sorry.

You smash period and enter repeatedly so the block of text isn’t the focus of the finsta feed, and post.

It’s like in “We Bought a Zoo”. Twenty seconds of courage, even if it’s the liquid kind.

~*~*~

The next day sees no response from Ben, and you’re not surprised. He’s not on social media often enough, let alone that he’d actually see your drunk post. But you let it be, because you’re almost afraid to know what his response is.

A week passes by, and still nothing. Your friends are wondering about it too, and you have no updates for them.

And you’re too afraid to text him.

Friday night sees you driving four hours home, and mid-drive it appears.

[@yourfinsta] @bennieandthejones has liked your photo

And then, a text.

I think we need to talk. When are you home again?

Your heart pounds, and before you can think about it, you call him.

Within one ring, he picks up.

“Hello?”

“I’m literally driving home right now. I have a busy day tomorrow, but I can squeeze you in at noon-ish. Lunch?” Your voice shakes a little, but then so does his.

“Um, yeah. Okay. Usual place?”

“Yeah, I think this calls for real food and ice cream.”

“Ok, I’ll see you then. And y/n?”

“Yeah?”

He pauses, hesitant and unsure of what he wants to say.

“Nevermind, I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hangs up, and your heart starts pounding again. That night at home, your sleep is rough but you make it through.

~*~*~

At 12:03, you arrive at the local diner you and Ben frequent when you catch up. He’s already sitting in a booth, wearing a maroon sweater and dark wash jeans. You slide into the bench opposite him.

“Hey.” You greet him.

“Greet” he says in response. An inside joke, a good start you suppose.

“So… I guess I have some explaining to do?” you ask, and he nods.

“It’s just… I want you to know I don’t want to force you into any of this. I was drunk and when I’m drunk, a lot of my feelings come out whether or not they should. And that’s what happened that night. And you’re stuck in this because of that. I’ve had these feelings on and off for years, which is why I never really pursued it. But recently… I felt those feelings really strongly, especially after I ended up on a date and then I realized that all I really wanted was for it to be you, and not this random grad student I went out with.” You take a deep breath.

“Long story short, I think I’ve liked you longer than I actually know. And not telling you was kind of killing me. Please respond.”

Ben looks at you very seriously, closed fists pressed against his chin and elbows propped up on the table. He takes a minute to think, and the minute starts to feel closer to an hour. He starts speaking slowly.

“Did you know”, he questions, “that I started having feelings for you back in high school? You were dating that kid from the high school in the town over, and I remember feeling this immense jealousy because it should have been me. That never went away, and I remember you two breaking up because college was looming and I knew that starting something wasn’t a good idea. I was leaving too, how could I ask you to start something when I was about to leave? And then you ended up going to school far away and I couldn’t ask you to tie yourself to me when there’s so much to experience. I took what I could get, and that was this. For us. I’m sorry.”

Your eyebrows furrow together.

“You have no reason to apologize here, you goof.” You look down at the table, skin flushing slightly. Ben makes his way from his side of the booth to yours and carefully puts one arm around your shoulder, while grasping at your hand with his open one.

“I’m apologizing for not doing this sooner,” he mumbles, gazing at your lips before looking back into your eyes. “Is this okay?”

You nod yes, and verbally confirm.

“I’m good, yeah.” You whisper, leaning in closer towards him. You two are still maintaining eye contact, and your heart is pounding.

He leans in quickly, pressing his lips against yours briefly before pulling away. His lips were softer than you expected, and they were sweet too.

“Still good?” he asks, arm still around you and with no apparent plans to move back to the other side of the booth.

“More than, yeah.” A small smile is on your face, cheeks flushed and slightly bashful. You’ve never been one for PDA, and this was more than enough for you.

“Good. Where does this put us then?”

“Together, I think.”

“I like the sound of that.”

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 8

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2660 (Chapter 8 / 12)

Fic Summary: Sam's hope is proven right when the doctor comes back to them with positive news. He's as excited as Raphael, only Lucifer still seems to be trying to fully process the situation. But Sam knows he's just having a hard time putting his thoughts into words, which shows very soon.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann @blakechaos08

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Since he didn’t have to go back to college at the moment, Sam spent the afternoon with the two brothers. In probably the strangest twist of his life, Raphael actually grew on him more and more. They played a round of Monopoly, during which Sam could watch the interaction between him and Lucifer more closely, and he realized that it was very similar to his own relationship with Dean in a certain way. They laughed, but also teased each other when one of them didn’t have things work out in their favor. It was nice to watch, but inside it made Sam very sad and he hoped more than ever before the doctor would come back with good news soon. If he had to sacrifice a kidney so these two could stay together like this, he was going to do it in a heartbeat.

In the late afternoon, Raphael became tired and Sam excused himself to get more coffee for the older ones, but he mostly left because he wanted them to have a brotherly moment without being disturbed. They had spent the whole day together after all, Raphael and Lucifer surely needed some time alone. On his way back from the cantina he heard a familiar voice and turned around, coffees still in hand, to a very happy looking doctor.

“Sam!” doctor Francis said and quickly walked up to him. “I’m glad to catch you outside, do you have a moment?”

“Of course, yeah,” Sam answered perplexed. “Do you have the results?”

“We do and they are very promising.”

Sam’s jaw dropped, his grip around the coffee cups tightening slightly.

“So, I can donate? I can help Raphael?” he asked, completely shocked and surprised.

“If that’s your wish, yes,” the doctor nodded with a smile. “Your examples match almost perfectly, much better than the first. We have very good chances that Raphael’s body won’t reject the transplant this time.”

“Oh my god, that’s amazing!” Sam gasped, almost dropping the coffees from excitement. “When can we do it? Can we do it today already?”

“Slow down, young man,” Doctor Francis laughed. “You have to be sober for the operation, so I’m afraid it won’t happen today.” Sam looked very disappointed, but the doctor continued before he could say anything. “But we already reserved the surgery room for tomorrow morning, so if you agree and Raphael's condition allows it, we can do it then.”

“Awesome!” Sam couldn’t believe it, this was way better than he had expected. “Is there anything I need to know, apart from being sober?”

“We will operate on Raphael and you simultaneously, to not lose any time. We are very lucky that you want to do this, the chances for success are much higher this way. Since Raphael is still a child we won’t take your whole kidney, we will cut out a certain amount of it and transplant it. The procedure will take a while, but because we have a living transplant the chances are very high.”

“So, he’ll be fine?” Sam asked excited. “He’ll live a normal life again and won’t have to fear another rejection?”

“Of course I can’t guarantee that,” the doctor said with a stern face. “But since you two are such a good match the prognoses are very good. Raphael will have to take care of himself of course and he will have to take medication for the rest of his life to prevent another rejection, but if his body accepts the transplant it will be a huge improvement.”

“I’m on board,” Sam said without hesitating. “I already packed some things in case I could donate, so I can stay here right away.”

“That was very thoughtful of you,” doctor Francis smiled. “I will come with you to break the news.”

“I’m not sure if Raphael is still awake,” Sam said as they continued their way to the boy’s room. “He was very tired earlier.”

“We’ll see,” the doctor answered.

Sam nodded, he was about to kick the door to alert Lucifer he was there, after all his hands were still full. Doctor Francis saw his attempt and quickly opened the door for them. Sam smiled at him and walked inside. As he had expected, Raphael was asleep, but Lucifer’s attention was on them right away and he jumped up to walk over.

“Doctor! Is everything alright? Do you have any news?”

Sam put the coffee down next to Lucifer, fearing he might actually drop his when he got the new information, before the doctor answered.

“Yes and they are good ones finally,” doctor Francis smiled. Lucifer gave Sam a confused look, who nodded toward the man in white so the blond turned his attention back to him. “Sam and Raphael’s examples are an almost perfect match, we can do the transplantation right tomorrow morning. So far, Raphael’s health allows another operation and Sam already gave me his okay. If Raphael's condition stays the same over night, I don't see a problem.”

“Seriously?” Lucifer asked with wide eyes and turned back to his classmate. “You’re not kidding me?”

“Nope,” Sam smiled at the other. “We are ready to go as soon as Raph and I are sober.”

“Oh god, Sam!” Lucifer gasped and suddenly, without a warning or giving Sam any chance to react, grabbed the brunet and pulled him into his arms and into a tight and almost squishing hug. “Thank you so much! You don’t know how much this means to me!”

“Hey, I told you I’d do it,” Sam said awkwardly and patted Lucifer’s back the best he could. “He’s gonna be better soon, I’m sure of that.”

“Raphael has the best chances of recovering with Sam’s kidney,” the doctor said and caught Lucifer’s attention again, who slowly let go of his classmate. “He is a much better match than the last donor and it's gonna be a living transplant, which increases the chance for success too. I’m not allowed to make legal promises, you know that, but given the circumstances, I’m confident that it will all go well and Raphael will recover very soon.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lucifer mumbled, looking back and forth between the doctor and Sam.

“I’d say you prepare your brother when he wakes up,” the doctor suggested with a smile. “I will come by tonight to talk to him again and in the morning we will prepare everything.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Lucifer said and took the man’s hand tightly. “I can’t thank you enough for this, really.”

“Thank me when everything is over,” the doctor replied, but still shook Lucifer’s hand with a smile. “I will ask Karen to make the second bed in this room ready for you, Sam. I’m sure you want to stay here instead of in a separate room.”

“That would be great, thank you,” Sam nodded and smiled. “I want to know if Raphael is doing well and I’m sure it will be easier for Lucifer too.”

“Of course, I’ll be back later.”

The doctor nodded again and left the two young men alone. After staring at the door for a good five minutes, Lucifer finally turned around to Sam again, his face still a mask of disbelief. Sam smiled weakly and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay, Lucifer, I know it,” he said carefully.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this, Sam,” Lucifer mumbled slowly. “You know Raphael for two days and me for a few weeks and you’re doing something so huge for us!”

“I told you, if the tests say yes, I’m on board.” Sam smiled. “Maybe you should sit down and drink your coffee, I don’t want you to drop to the floor.”

Lucifer nodded and allowed Sam to guide him over to his chair. The brunet got their coffees and sat down on his own chair, excited and a little nervous, but much more than that very relieved that the doctor had given them such good news.

They sat in silence for quite some time, drinking their coffee - Lucifer more sporadically than Sam - and waiting. Sam knew that Lucifer’s mind was probably going through everything that could go wrong right now, but he could see that he was just as relieved as he was himself. After all, his brother was about to get another chance, one he had not deemed possible before. Sam was nervous, but he tried not to show it too obviously to not worry the blond any further. At the same time, however, he was very hopeful about this operation.

“I can’t believe this,” Lucifer said eventually, shaking his head. “He’s gonna get another chance…”

“And it’s a good one, the doctor told me,” Sam said quietly. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be alright and everything will go well.”

“I never thought he’d get this opportunity again,” Lucifer sighed. “Even if it’s only buying time, it’s more than I ever hoped for.”

“It’ll be more than buying time,” Sam replied, drawing Lucifer’s attention. “He’ll recover and go back to school and you’ll live a better life, I know that.”

“You really think so?” Lucifer asked and Sam nodded.

“I’m sure of it,” he said.

-----

Raphael reacted excited at the news of another transplant, especially when he found out Sam would be the donor. He kept talking about how they would basically be brothers then and Sam and Lucifer couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. A nurse came by later to put new sheets on the empty bed in Raphael’s room and even when the boy was told he wouldn’t get any food anymore until the operation he wasn’t bothered at all. When Lucifer told him he’d stay overnight too, Raphael was thrilled.

“We’ll have a sleepover!” he exclaimed laughing. “I always wanted a sleepover!”

The sleepover turned out to only last until nine in the evening, when Raphael fell asleep on his bed, but Sam was sure he still enjoyed it. Lucifer smiled at his brother, kissed his forehead and pulled the blanket up to his chin so he wouldn’t get cold. He had made some kind of improvised bed in the play area Gabe usually stayed in, assuring Raphael it was fine this way before he fell asleep. He and Sam kept their voices down after this to not wake him up again.

“You sure you’ll be able to sleep like this?” Sam asked, eyeing Lucifer’s bed suspiciously. “Doesn’t look comfortable.”

“It’ll do,” Lucifer shrugged. “You two got your beds and will sleep well, that’s important. I can sleep when this is all over.”

“You’re a really good brother,” Sam smiled warmly. “They are very lucky to have you.”

“So, you think a good brother lets one of them be taken away and one suffer like this?” Lucifer asked and sighed. “Doesn’t sound that good to me.”

“No, a good brother doesn’t stop fighting for them,” Sam assured him. “A bad one would just shrug and move on, but you don’t do that.”

“Maybe,” Lucifer replied quietly, not very persuading.

“Let me put it this way,” Sam tried again. “A bad brother wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice his own future just so his little brothers are happy and cared for. A bad brother would turn his back at them and just leave them behind for his own sake.”

“Sounds like what Michael did,” Lucifer said sadly. “But I would give everything I have for them, even my life.”

“And that makes you the good brother, not Michael.”

Lucifer looked up, meeting Sam’s eyes and catching the reassuring hint in them.

“Thank you, Sam,” Lucifer answered. “I don’t think anyone ever said such things to me.”

“It’s just the truth,” Sam shrugged, blushing a little. “Everyone would be happy to have someone who cares about them as much as you care about your brothers. Just because bad things happen doesn’t mean that changes.”

“I wish they had parents who cared for them as much as I do,” Lucifer sighed and looked at Raphael. “They deserve to be loved and if their parents can’t do that I’ll just love them more to make up for it.”

“You know, you might think you’re a tough guy,” Sam chuckled mischievously. “But you’re a big softie at heart.”

“The big softie can hit pretty damn hard if someone calls him a softie again,” Lucifer huffed and glared at Sam. “Don’t test your luck on me, punk.”

“Oh, I would never dare,” Sam laughed and raised his hands in defense. “Don’t wanna get my ass kicked by the big bad wolf.”

Lucifer growled dangerously at Sam and for a moment they were both silent before the laughter broke through. Sam couldn’t explain why, but he actually felt happy and much less nervous right now. Maybe he hated the soulmate thing, but Lucifer wasn’t so bad after all. Seeing this other side of him helped, so did the knowledge that he was just acting when he was out there, but that wasn’t all. There was something else, a certain type of understanding that he didn’t know until this point and he actually liked that.

“You should get some sleep now too,” Lucifer suggested after the laughter ebbed away slowly. “It’s a big day tomorrow, you don’t want to be exhausted.”

“Yeah, because they’ll keep me awake during the operation,” Sam grinned, causing Lucifer to laugh again. “But you’re probably right, I’m pretty tired.”

Sam laid down and Lucifer turned off the lights before doing the same in the very uncomfortable spot he was forced into. For what felt like an eternity Sam tried to fall asleep, but it just wouldn’t happen for some reason. He wasn’t scared of the next day or felt conflicted right now, he simply laid there and stared at the ceiling that was slightly illuminated through the windows as the minutes flew by.

“Lucifer?” Sam finally whispered after a very long time, not even expecting an answer. “Are you still awake?”

“Yeah?” The other sounded sleepy, but not as if Sam had just woken him up.

“Did you ever wonder why this soulmate thing even exists?” Sam had no idea why these words came out of his mouth in the first place, but once they were out he really felt the need for an answer.

“My theory is that God is a cruel asshole who loves to play with us,” Lucifer scoffed.

“That might be a reason,” Sam chuckled.

“Actually that’s just me being bitter,” Lucifer said and Sam swore he heard a smirk in his voice. “I don’t know why it exists, but it does and we have to live with it. Sometimes it makes people happy, sometimes it doesn’t, we won’t know before it happens to us, sadly.”

“Yeah, it can be pretty fucked up,” Sam sighed, thinking about his parents. “I don't wanna end up broken about something I never had a say in…”

“Oh, you do have a say in it,” Lucifer rejected. “You fight it, most people don't. And I can assure you I'm a rather durable asshole, I'm not gonna die anytime soon, don’t worry.”

Sam smirked into the darkness. He wondered if his mom thought like this too before she got killed, but as soon as the thought creeped up he tried to push it back down. No, this was different, he couldn't compare these situations. It was nice knowing that Lucifer wanted to make him feel better about it though.

“Maybe we can become friends one day,” Sam eventually said quietly. It was probably the hardest thing he ever forced out of his mouth. “I mean, when this is over and you want to. It's fine if not, but I wouldn't mind.”

“Me neither,” Lucifer replied just the same. “I told you I can't afford this to take over my life, but a friend doesn't sound like a bad thing. And now get some sleep, it's late.”

“Yeah, I'll try,” Sam smiled. “Goodnight, Lucifer.”

“Goodnight, Sam.”

[ryland-rambles]

Continuation from Earlier - Knock It Off Fairy

This is from an earlier post. Don’t worry because it ends abruptly, I just ran out of steam, but I plan to continue it linear tomorrow, with some bits of backstory sometimes tossed in. I have no idea where its going, which I know Im supposed to have a plot but really Im having fun just writing. Considering I haven’t written consistantly in years, I’m just gonna have fun actually writing in general instead of stressing about a plot. 

Before Lief could protest, Jonah came striding up to her, that dimpled smile catching her attention more. He wasn't her mate, no, but he was gentle and kind and the exact opposite of his brother. The second born, he wasn't the heir to the company and was expected to make his own way by building up his business. The man was smart as a tack and Lyddie well.. she could see a future with him. He had the money, drive, and determination to build his fledgling startup company into a powerhouse and she was certain he would make a very good CEO. 

They had been dating for a little over six months now, another check mark in the very same reason why she hadn't wanted to return home. Her wolf whined at the thought of home, and Lyddie firmly squashed the thought. Her brother's mate had made it abundantly clear she wasn't welcome there any longer. 

And well, her brother was away dealing with pack alliances and other such business so he hadn't been there to protect her. Not that she was really certain he would, he'd been different every since Dad had died. Mom had passed away unexpectedly, and the doctors had later said it was an undiagnosed illness, similar to the Human's version of cancer. As her parents were pair-bonded, her father had passed away within the twenty-four hour mark as usual.

 Bryce had taken up the mantle of Alpha well enough, but he'd been different and distant instead of her usual caring brother. He had mated with the next pack over's female to in order to secure a proper alliance with the other pack. The woman was a witch though, and poor Bryce took every opportunity to be away and deal with proper pack business instead of dealing with his new wife. 

Unfortunately, that left Lyddie alone with the witch in the sprawling house, as most of the pack members who also lived in the house had decided to move out.. mostly because the woman was impossible to live with. When the woman had moved in her sleezy friend, seriously the man gave her the creeps, Lyddie had decided to simply leave. 

She hadn't left the pack, not officially, but she had left the packlands, way back in Montana. Somehow she had ended up here, on the other side of the States, in a bustling city in the middle of New York of all places. There was also a wolf pack nearby, but Lyddie had laid low, not wanting to seek them out. 

She knew she was technically disrespecting the pack, not seeking out the Alpha's permission to be upon his territory. But well, this city she was in was absolutely bursting with people, and surely they would never notice her. So far, they hadn't, in the year she had been away. And well, either her brother hadn't noticed or cared she was gone. 

Maybe that was why, when later that night, after she had bid Lief goodbye, and was driven back to the little apartment they shared, and had a lovely little dinner, when the Human had knelt beside her, opening a box, a little diamond ring shown inside, she had cried and said yes. 

If only she had known what she knew now, that he had been disowned. Maybe if she had known that she would end up working two, sometimes three jobs while Jonah struggled to get the company off the ground, maybe she would have said no. And there was no maybe about it.. she would have said no, if she had known she would be standing in front of their gorgeous house, when his company had finally taken off nearly eight years after starting, and was a booming business, staring at signed divorce papers that his lawyer had personally handed to her. 

Ten years down the drain, ten long miserable years of scrimping, saving, and doing absolutely everything to help the man she loved. Lyddie had held her composure until the lawyer had left, and then called up her best friend, though wasn't able to really speak due to the mix of tears and struggling to control her wolf's howls of agony. Why did their mate want to leave them? Her wolf snarled and paced in circles and begged her to seek him out. 

Lyddie reminded herself fiercely that he wasn't her mate, that he had just been a man that she had fallen completely in love with, and had wanted to make a future with. And so, when Lief pushed open the door, holding ice cream, a sack full of the really expensive steaks, wine, and enough wolfsbane to knock an elephant out, Lyddie had been reminded just why she loved the little fairy.

 He was a brat most days, but he was a genuinely good friend, him and Naim, who he had apparently recruited to help carry the wine. Naim and her weren't close, his attitude and coldness kind of intimated her. She hadn't even known he actually liked her until he wrapped her up in his absolutely massive arms, hugging her tight enough that if she wasn't Carlyn, she'd probably struggle for breath. 

Letting her go, he ruffled her hair gently and said, in that impossibly deep voice of his, "You'll find your mate. He wasn't the right one." And that, somehow, made Lyddie feel better. 

Three hours later, all three of them were terribly drunk. Lyddie wasn't a lightweight, being just under six feet, rather short of a Carlyn, or werewolf as humans called her species, solidly built with dark auburn tendrils, dark chocolate eyes, and rich mocha skin the color of "milk-drenched coffee", as Jonah had always called her. 

The thought of him threatened to sober her up, and she turned her attention back to finishing the bottle in her hand, and studied Lief, who was cheerfully slurring and talking about Christofer. The little fairy was absolutely beautiful, in the way only the ethereal creatures could be. From the white-blonde curls that bounced around his delicate little features, big blue eyes, and skin so pale you could see the blue veins, an equally delicately built body that depending on his mood was either male or female - Lief had unfortunately been born a dual-shifter. 

Though, Lyddie liked his wings best, shimmery fluttery things that were mostly translucent. He had dressed in a simple pair of jeans and tee shirt, same as the other two, and had ditched his boots by the door the same as the others, although Lief had ditched his socks as well, leaving the fact his pretty toes were painted a rather vivid shade of red. 

Christofer was Lief's love, had been in love with the man since the first time he'd tried to pickpocket him nearly six years ago. Unfortunately, the Leirth, or vampire as known by humans, was completely oblivious to the boy's attention and regard. 

Naim thought it was absolutely hilarious, that Lief had ended up working for the man, who had offered the fairy a job. Lyddie just thought it was sad that he both couldn't tell the man he loved that he was both A) the prince of the faeries who had run away from home and had been dragged back a week after Lyddie had been proposed to, and only allowed to leave the Fae homeland if he promised to stay in constant touch. And B) that he was desperately in love with the stoic, serious man who ran a multimillion dollar business. 

Lyddie wasn't sure what he did, something to do with Synthwyne - fake blood for the Leirth who didn't like feeding on live people. 

[jacobhinkley]

Laughing at the Misfortune of Other Traders is Crypto’s Fastest Growing Sport

The world can be a mean place, and never is this more evident than on Crypto Twitter (CT) and Telegram. In addition to enduring the anguish of seeing their portfolio shed 95%, investors are having their downfall shared with the rest of the cryptoverse for others’ entertainment. The practice, while occasionally cruel, does have its upsides, providing relief and raising awareness of some of the most egregious scams.

Also read: SHA-256 Mining Hashrate Climbs Significantly in One Year

First They Shill You Their Bags, Then You Lose 95%, Then They Laugh

Crypto has a favorite game, whose popularity has soared in recent weeks as the bear market has begun to bite: laughing at the misfortune of others. On CT and Telegram, popular accounts share posts from despairing traders who are at their wit’s end after betting everything on a cherished coin and then losing. “I hodl since January,” wails one unfortunate, whose plight, like that of many, can be found in the charitably named Rekt Plebs Telegram channel. “But fuck this bear market. It’s impossible to hodl. I pay 12 USD for one icx [Icon token] back in time. So even a 200x is still a loss for me.”

Deriving pleasure from the unhappiness of others, or schadenfreude, is a primal instinct; a guilty pleasure that is best shared. In the 19th and early 20th centuries, crowds would flock to freak shows to gawp at the medical curiosities placed before them, people whose only crime was to have been born with an abnormal physical deformity. In the 21st century, something similar can be observed in accounts such as Bitmex Rekt, which calls out traders who’ve been margin called.

Salt, Anger, and Despair

On Reddit, Twitter, Telegram, and crypto forums, the salt, anger, and despair of investors who were naive or greedy piles up every day. Some want revenge. Some want a class action lawsuit against the masternode coin or ICO they were “duped” by. Others simply want a chance to vent. Their outpourings are now collated for the amusement of their fellow investors and broadcast far and wide. It is hard not to feel sorry for some of those affected, whose solitary sin has been to purchase an asset near its all-time high and then watch it dwindle to zero. With others, who were caught crowing back in January as their pet altcoin mooned, and have now been brought back down to earth, it’s hard not to feel smug.

“I bought raiblocks at 10c and sold at 30usd,” confesses one trader. “Issue is, I then invested my earnings into bitconnect…” While seeing their tweets of rage spread far and wide can only add to the anguish of those affected, they can take solace in the fact that most of those sharing their posts are doing so as a coping mechanism. Everyone’s in the same boat to a large extent and are laughing at their own stupidity as much as anything. It is important to bear in mind, amidst all the merriment, that for some of those who got rekt, this is more than just a game: they borrowed beyond their means or quit their job to pursue their cryptocurrency dream, and while their demise is largely self-inflicted, the repercussions can be serious.

Most traders, mercifully, are suffering from nothing more serious than wounded pride and a depleted portfolio. One of the biggest scourges in the cryptocurrency space has been the influx of gold-diggers over the past year who care about nothing but the sick gains to be made. It didn’t use to be that way. While profit was always at the heart of bitcoin and shitcoin trading back in the day, there wasn’t the same crass obsession over wealth, lambos, and all the other trappings of success. Studying the downfall of traders who thought they’d made it is a sobering lesson of what not to do when the next bull market comes around. Until such a time, laughing at the misfortune of others is one of the few pleasures left for the traders who remain.

Do you think it’s wrong to revel in the misfortune of other investors, or is it just harmless fun? Let us know in the comments section below.

Images courtesy of Shutterstock, Twitter, and Telegram.

Need to calculate your bitcoin holdings? Check our tools section.

The post Laughing at the Misfortune of Other Traders is Crypto’s Fastest Growing Sport appeared first on Bitcoin News.

Laughing at the Misfortune of Other Traders is Crypto’s Fastest Growing Sport published first on https://medium.com/@smartoptions

[breeeliss]

[Femslash February]: Theme Park

this got a touch angsty and im sorry. it ends on a good note tho, i promise

also: the cauldron ride i mention is like the American-version of the teacup rides. y’all know the one. 

Day 13: Theme Park (Alyanette + post-reveal)

Words: 2106

Link to Archive of Our Own: [AO3]

[Previous: Aquarium]

Marinette pressed her car keys and two tickets to Parc Asterix in Alya’s hands one morning. “Let’s go on a day trip.”

She’d interrupted Alya while she was in the middle of typing an article she had due in a few days. But Alya grabbed the tickets and flipped them over in her hands to make sure they were real. “You blasted money on these? We haven’t gone to that place in years – ”

“I know!” Marinette shouted. She closed her eyes and breathed through her nose, trying to control her tone. “I-I know I just….I wanna go now, okay? I just. I need to go, and I need you to come with me.”

Alya frowned and pushed Marinette’s hair behind her ears, fingers getting caught in the tangles that Marinette hadn’t combed out in three days. “Okay, um. Let me just save this and get my coat. Then we’ll go, okay?”

Marinette waited in the living room – sans makeup, in old clothes she never liked wearing out the house, hair uncombed and thrown into a bun – while Alya packed them cold lunches and collected her money and credit cards. 

The akuma attack ten days ago was one of the scary ones that only ever cropped up a handful of times. The last one was over a year ago, far enough back to lull the city and Ladybug into a false sense of security and make this new one particularly horrifying. Alya wasn’t able to catch all the footage, but the rest of the Internet had filled in the gaps. See, when your wife was flying across the city and battling an akuma that could make objects and people disintegrate with a single touch, you couldn’t help but be filled with excitement and pride, and you feel privileged to even know someone as strong and selfless as that, let alone be married to them. 

But when you see her pinned down by that akuma, his hand hovering just above her face, poised to kill and not harm, you get snapped back to a sobering sort of reality that reminds you how much danger she puts herself in everyday. 

Apparently, she got away with only a singed cheek since Chat Noir had finally recovered from his injuries in time to save her. All was well in the end, and Alya had sobbed into Adrien’s shoulder that day, thanking him with a level of sincerity she hadn’t thought herself capable of. But Marinette had come home that day, called out of work for a week, left her discarded clothes on the floor of their bedroom, and crawled into bed. It was five days since then, and she hadn’t done much else but stay there. 

Alya decided to work from home that whole week to keep her company. Adrien had come over a couple of times, laid next to her in bed, petted her hair, cooked the three of them dinner while Alya tried to get Marinette to eat. Alya spent nights curled around Marinette, muttering lullabies in her ears so that she could try to get some sleep, but nothing worked. Adrien assured her that it was a scary situation, and she just needed time to snap out of it. Alya was willing to give her that time. 

But now….they were going to a theme park for the day. 

Alya and Marinette used to take trips to Parc Asterix every few months, but the habit fell off as the two of them became busy with work and the need to budget for things more important than theme park rides became much more pressing. It was a short drive from Paris, just under an hour or so, but this time the ride felt much longer. It was probably because Marinette hadn’t bothered to bring the playlists she always brought for the car ride, and because the car was absent of her charming, inane chatter. She was silent, her cheek pressed against the cold window as she looked out at the cars driving alongside them. 

Once they arrived and passed off their tickets, Marinette took off straight into the park. They’d been here so many times that they didn’t need a map to find the rides they wanted to, and it didn’t take long for Alya to notice that Marinette was sprinting towards the spinning cauldron ride. 

When they were little, Marinette always hated going on it. Marinette couldn’t stand spinning things and Alya would always spin the cauldron too hard and make Marinette sick. But Marinette jumped onto the queue and raced for the first open seat she could fine. Alya slipped in across from her and watched Marinette grip the wheel in the center with alarming force. “Don’t hold back.”

Alya reached forward and grabbed the wheel as well, feeling like this wasn’t the time to be denying her anything. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

The ride started, and Marinette put her whole body into turning the wheel. Alya helped pick up the slack until pretty soon their cauldron was spinning more quickly than anyone else’s. Alya could see Marinette’s face turning green, but that only made Marinette yank harder on the wheel to make it go as fast as it could possibly go. The colors and the noises outside the ride were blurring together and swirling more rapidly than even Alya was comfortable with, but they kept the speed going, faster and faster, right up until the ride was jolted to a jarring halt and it was time for them to get off. 

Marinette was shaking and breathing hard once it was over, and the two of them had to sprint to the nearest bathroom just in time for Marinette to drop to her knees and throw up in the toilets. The first time they’d gone on this ride together, Alya had accidentally made Marinette sick and they were in a similar situation as this – Alya holding her hair back while Marinette emptied all of her nausea into the toilet bowl. But Alya wasn’t laughing, and Marinette wasn't cursing her existence. Marinette was panting and staring off into space, like she was thinking of going back on again. 

Alya helped her up off the floor. “Let’s go fill your stomach with something.”

They went back to the car to eat the sandwiches that Alya brought until the color came back to Marinette’s face and her stomach was settled. When they went back to the rides, Marinette started eyeing the roller coasters and didn’t ask Alya before she started forming the queue. 

They were waiting for their turn when Alya grabbed Marinette’s shoulder. “You….sure you want to get on?”

“Yeah,” Marinette mumbled. “I’m in the mood for a good scream.”

The moment they were strapped into their seats and started the ascent to the top of the first drop, Alya reached over and grabbed Marinette’s hand. Marinette grabbed it back in an crushing grip, and the moment the coaster started to drop, they started screaming. 

Marinette loved roller coasters. She laughed during the rides and lifted her arms up in the air during the drops. This time her hands were down and she was screaming as loudly as she could manage. Alya joined her, understanding that sometimes, you needed an excuse to scream out all the rot festering in your heart and let it leave your body so that you wouldn’t have to hold onto it anymore. The ride ended, and Marinette had tears in her eyes, and Alya knew they weren’t from fear. Marinette scrambled out of the car, and led Alya to another coaster, and another, and another, and another. 

By the time Marinette was out of tears, and her throat was sore, Alya walked her to the other end of the park. “Let’s try the Ferris Wheel, okay?”

The sun was still out, so the queue for the Wheel wasn’t long at all. Alya did some clever pleading with the ride attendant to let them stay on for a few more revolutions than normal. Alya had stayed in the middle of her seat, assuming that Marinette would take the one across from her, but Marinette curled up against Alya’s side, draping her legs across Alya’s lap and wrapping her arms around her middle. It wasn’t until their car was too high up for anyone on the ground to see them that Marinette buried her face in Alya’s shoulder and started crying. 

“Somedays I feel like quitting, Al,” Marinette began mumbling. “And I know I won’t actually do it because the city needs me. I can’t be that selfish, it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else. But it’s hard some days and I just don’t want to do it anymore, I just want things to be normal so I can be safe and keep you safe and the two of us can just be happy without anything complicating it.”

Alya smoothed her hair back and rubbed circles into her knee. “I know, babe,” she whispered to her. “I know, just let it all out.”

“And Adrien tries so hard, Alya, I trust him with my life,” she kept on. “I trust him with everything because I know he’d never let anything happen to me. He’d die before he let anything happen to me, but he’s not perfect. He makes mistakes like me, and he almost didn’t make it that time. And it’s not his fault, it’s never his fault, but for a second I just kept thinking that I wasn’t going to get out of it, and that I was going to let everyone down.”

“You never have to worry about letting anyone down, Mari.” Alya was pressing kisses into the crown of her head in between sentences. “You have given all of us more than we deserve, all for nothing in return. You’re allowed to be selfish, and you’re allowed to be scared.”

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” Marinette sniffed. “I never want to leave you, you’re one of the most important things I have. I never want to leave you alone.”

“And you’re not going to,” Alya assured, holding her closer to her side. “I know your job gets scary, and I know that I can’t even begin to understand the danger you put yourself in. But I trust you. I trust you and I trust Adrien. You two always come out of it in the end. You’re here and safe with me because you always come out of it in the end.”

Marinette gripped her shirt tighter and breathed in shakily against her neck while Alya let her cry. “You’re safe, babe. You’re here, and you’re with me, and we’re safe, and everything’s fine.”

They stayed on the Wheel until Marinette stopped crying and her eyes didn’t look quite so puffy. They cycled through some of the carnival games and went on a few more rides, just to use up the tickets they’d already bought. Marinette was still quiet through most of the day, but Alya caught her smiling during one of the shooting games they were playing and heard her laughing on the last free fall ride they’d gone on.

When they went back to the car park to go home for the evening, Marinette held Alya’s hand that wasn’t busy with the steering wheel. She cycled through her phone and actually plugged in one of the old road trip playlists she used to play whenever they went on long drives. Marinette leaned back into her seat, and breathed in the crisp evening air floating in through the open windows. “Thanks for coming with me. Sorry for….well. I feel a lot better now.”

Alya lifted Marinette’s hand and pressed a kiss to the wedding band on her finger. “I’d do anything for you. You know that.”

Marinette woke up the next morning, showered, loaded her laundry, and hummed along to the radio while she cooked breakfast for the two of them. She called her office and let them know she would be back to normal on Monday, and rattled to Alya about all the projects she was going to try and blast out tonight, no matter how unrealistic it seemed. 

Alya smiled at her fondly as she listened on, watching the brightness come back to Marinette’s eyes and laughing at her gesticulations that almost made her knock her mug of coffee over. 

Marinette had small cracks and fissures like everyone else, and knowing that she was Ladybug made them all the more obvious to Alya. But Marinette filled them with smiles, singing, hugs, kisses, and more warmth and beauty that Alya thought was even capable from another person. 

And Alya loved her with all her heart for it. 

[hwz1bwxf-blog]

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