#i made a bunch of random lore the fuck up for them and i gave them names and all that

[mewhenidraw]

I love randomly doodling a design for Jackson/Holt's mom(s) one time and then becoming obsessed with them anyway here's them at various stages of life

[pinkelotjeart]

hey its me im back to info dump about the qsmp some more so bolas BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Sorry my demons so a bunch of stuff happens on the island bla bla bla  but the important thing is that all the eggs get kidnapped and no one (not even the evil federation that runs the island) knows where they are and the parents are told to get on a train to be relocated to some random island until the federation deals with the missing eggs but the train is hijacked and the players are now in purgatory this event was hell

this fucking event was hell on earth. Not only for us, the viewers, but also for the ccs The rules are these: Islanders are separated into 3 different teams Red (aka BOLAS?!?!? -thats their actul name ), Green (aka team green ninjas), and Blue (aka team soulfire)

there is a big evil guy and he is the one that kidnapped the eggs and he runs this event all the teams have tasks that need to be done in a day and the team with the highest score is the winner of that day

The 'ultimate winner' is the team who has won the most days across the two-week period. The winning team gets to choose some of the eggs to come back home with them

then the hell begins im gonna talk about team bolas here cause they are the ones i watched the most but team green ninjas and team soulfire were also very fun  team bolas consists of: 

philza- the team leader Baghera Jones

 Carre

 Cellbit

 Felps

 Foolish

 Germán

 Jaiden

 Slimecicle

 Vegetta

 Wilbur Soot 

Willyrex

but the ones that logged in the most were phil, slime, jaiden, foolish, baghera, cellbit and carre

at fistr team bolas tried to talk to the other teams, they didn't start fighting right away because why would they! these people were their friends! the people that helped them and that they made a community with, why would they mindlessly start killing each other? so team bolas tried to talk and the other teams respond by killing them over and over 

and over 

and over 

and over again they kept killing team bolas even tho they only wanted to talk| at the end of the first day team bolas was fucking depressed as fuck they also went insane yk jaiden, jaiden animation ? if you don't she is an animator and is generally kid-friendly and doesn't swear super much im saying this because one of the most popular clips from the purgatory even was her screaming “kill yourself” from the top of her lungs i don't have the clip saved but if i find it ill send it to you is so funny anyway, so yeah team bolas went insane they all started wearing these gas masks and it looks so fucking cool 

oh and the ccs wore actual gas masks irl look

also everyone (but especially baghera and cellbit) got super attached to phil and started calling him dad, an now baghera has trauma and is super clingy to phil cause she sees him as a father figure 

also everyone on team bolas HATES bbh i hope he dies and burns and is tortured eternally <33

(bbh was fucking ruthless and was a notorious spawn killer and gave everyone but especially charlie trauma)

but after the disaster that were the first couple of days team bolas made an insane comeback and manage to fucking win the event!!!

so in conclusion bolas forever <3

there are a lot of more fun moments from the purgatory event (like charlie terrorizing quackity, everyone going insane when carre logged in, that one time charlie pretended to be wilbur) but these were the basics of team bolas

hope you had a fun time reading this lol it was a lot of fun to write, and again if you want me to elaborate on anything (for example i could talk about q!phil and how his hardcore lore has become a part of the qsmp) tell me!! also if you plan on watching the qsmp and you want to know where to start you could also ask me that and ill happily help you get into the qsmp!!

again hope you had fun reading all this and i hope you have a nice day :3

AH THIS IS SO UP MY ALLEY, GOSH I LOVE THE MASKS. I for sure need to watch the vods, team bolas basically had everyone in it that im intrested in watching omg. I love the insanity but also the companionship of just losing it together. I love some minecraft killing game stuff (big life series fan lol) OH YEAH I SAW THAT PHILS HARDCORE WORLD LORE WAS CANON?? Ive watched phil a little before he joined the dsmp and I watched him religiously until 2022 so I know the lore of the hardcore world and I AM VERY ATTACHED TO IT. I am assuming Q!phil was hardcore!phil before but somehow got kidnapped to the island(?) I AM FOR SURE checking that out

[toyhouse-code-hell]

Screw it- Ask #2 because I'm bored. Can you tell me about your OCs? I like hearing about random people's OCs because alot of people like to rant about them and the excitement and pure effort put into making them makes me feel profuctive too!

There's so much. There's so so so so much. Nobody that I didn't already know has ever asked me about my ocs. They're all mostly D&D characters, or are in a D&D-esque setting I'll talk about some of my favorites, but there needs to be context.

None of the LORE is on any of their fucking toyhouse pages because I literally work on toyhouse stuff, get so motivated, I work on things for three days. Then I stop everything for six months. This is a continuous cycle. I suffer daily. I also over-explain and over-share A LOT. This is the first time anyone has asked about my ocs on a public platform. IT'S GOING TO BE A LOT. I'M SORRY. (And hell this might be a masterpost for all the little blurbs about my Little Guys?? idk!!) And ofc the art is old-ish.

Hamond :)

He's an aasimar fiend warlock (1)/ champion fighter (11), son of duke of a small homebrewed country, warlock of Graz'zt. Was sent to handle an owlbear in the woods due to it fucking with locals livestock. Was ambushed by said owlbear, it almost killed him, and this very kind demon lord took the opportunity to offer this young son of a duke a second chance to not be killed. Hamond agreed, got a nice new necklace, and killed the owlbear. He does the little things his patron wants in secret, which are thankfully just small things. His father sent him away due to his country going to war (contingency so royalty stays alive), where he met an astral elf twink who is now his fucked up little boyfriend.

Used him in a Heliana's oneshot before where this happened.

Next is Vihan! I'll keep it short with him because there is. A lot. (Glitch & Worm idk if you will ever see this, but this is spoilers)

They're a sentient sword, from a set of 8 weapons that embody schools of magic. Vihan is a shortsword that lets their wielder cast evocation spells for free, given to priest-kings of a long-lots city (of Mezro, the chosen of Ub'Tao are called barae). I gave him to my part at 12th level, since one in the party had made contact with his stupid fuckup son (Ras Nsi, not canon to actual FR lore), but Ub'tao chatted with the wizard like "hey. help me?" and our wizard went "K". I was thinking they would have him be a sword for a majority of the time but nooooo they fell in love with him. >:/ He was also broken when they met, to which I gave wild magic rolls when he cast things iirc (this was in 2021 its hazy). They fixed him up though.

(GLITCH AND WORM THE SPOILERS START HERE)

His former wielder was killed in a coup by another one of the chosen, in a plan to kill them all, usurp their god, and bring about an end to the world, but LORD that's another story.

But back to Vihan.

He's a real living person, kidnapped about 4oo years prior to the party getting them, had a bunch of experiments done on him, core implanted, renamed, all that. And given to a firbolg native to Chult who worked hard to be a barae, Epoch, leaving his 2 sons to be raised by his hometown. (and bc he was murdered and nobody was giving them answers, they became closed off from the bigger holy cities) And those kids got older, had communal kids, too, and one of those kids was the barbarian pc. The new barae of evocation was the wizard that said "K" to helping a god.

His name is actually Viktor, had an identical brother named Vacek (both changelings), and he robbed tourists in order for his brother to stay in a care home (their country of origin is corrupted capitalist hellscape island where if you can't produce for society, you have no use aside from being fertilizer, unless you can afford otherwise). When Viktor was kidnapped, Vacek was thrown onto the streets 10 minutes after payment was due, and he managed to climb on a boat as a stowaway during a storm and get the fuck out of there. While he was still chronically ill, getting off of pollution island was very beneficial for his health. He made it to another country and managed to live out his days and even had a family. He never went back to find his brother, assuming his thieving finally got him killed. (Their single mother was also murdered, and retrieving her body cost the two twelve year olds money they didn't have. She was meant to leave the country while pregnant with them, to be with their father who had already left, but port guards robbed her and kicked her back into the city. When her husband came back to make a stink, he was silenced permanently.)

Yes I was VERY into xenoblade 2 when I had this idea.

Vihan is a little bit fucked up.

I think I'll be done for now. I'll rb with more if I want to later.

[miralines]

woe ouatis rpverse sptumblr: the sequel be upon ye

link to the original

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🧱 roseredasinfuckyou follow

the insubordination risk show was fucking great btw

🥁 insubordinationriskofficial follow

Re: your tags– we’re in the process of launching a crowdfunding goal to get a real album out! We’re just figuring out the logistics, but believe us, we won’t shut up about it when it happens. In the meantime, if you want to support us Luna sells patches on their spetsy, including some band ones ＾▽＾

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⚫ zanti-deactivated02334432

Althea Black is a naive fool. I don’t know why anyone agreed to publish that utter trash she calls a book. I’d feel sorry for her if she weren’t helping spread all this propaganda. 

My full review of her book will be up on my spyoutube channel at the end of the week. Hint: It’s bad.

🪐 rose-red-apologist follow

oh, fuck off, literally everyone is tired of your shit

🐱 catboykingcole follow

man really thought they could get on the rose red defenders website and say this lmao eat them alive

🌱 gayforjohnspratt

@spstaff wasn’t this guy banned? you wanna do something about that?

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🟥 realredhood follow 🔁 beaumontbogwitch follow

🧙‍♀️beaumontbogwitch follow

Help how do I convince my brother and brother in law not to name their kid fucking marion

��� realredhood follow

I mean I’d send you some receipts but I’m kind of on thin ice with FABLE so just tell them that I said Fucking Yikes

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🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

FRECKLES LUCK SPOTTED ON SPTUMBLR ABORT MISSION

⚡ thundercatsbecameourskeletonhats follow

I’m sorry WHAT?

♋ aroarrowers follow

I still think it’s fake, but some random blog mentioned knowing her and got a bunch of questions about it and then made a post claiming to be from her saying to leave the blogger alone. Seems like they’re just looking for attention if you ask me.

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

It’s real there’s a selfie and everything. Believe me if they got that from someplace else I’d have already seen it. Apparently this blog belongs to her adopted kid or something???

🦫 peripheralplatypus follow

LINK??

🌅 atypicalarielien follow

Stop spreading this y’all the blog has been getting death threats. Also stop calling details about her personal life fucking ""lore.""

🌹 roseredbignaturals follow

I’m deleting istg if she sees the shit I’ve posted about her

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coward

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🌹roseredbignaturals follow

so im watching through the event footage for the conference from that interview she gave with the whole like, moulding breaking reveal conference. you all know the one. and i found a shot where she and adam bete are sitting together beforehand between speeches in the backround from a news broadcast. and oh my god. her piercings. its such a crime they made her take them out before she went on the news like. fuck. she's so pretty. her hair was down and she was laughing as something bete said. im so in love this is a crime. she's so hot none of you understand. her eyebrow piercings and her ears and the tattoos on her arms (they always have her wear suit jackets its such a crime like) and. and. im so gay NONE of you understand!! aaaaaaa

👩🏻‍🦰 frecklesluck follow

You know, when i searched my name on this site I expected the usual 'why isn't she in jail' shit that sptwitter tells me. thanks i guess.

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so like @roseredbignaturals are you okay. how are you doing after that. your internet crush is married.

🌹roseredbignaturals follow

NO IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY IM NOT OKAY AH

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M NOTSHE SAW ME SIMPIG

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FUCK

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for the last time, dyeing your hair red is not fucking appropriating rose red culture norms shut up and stop making things up challenge

If I get ONE MORE goddamn ask about this

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HER DAYS OF SWEEPING LESBIANS OFF THEIR FEET ARE OVER

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WHY WAS I A TEENAGER ON ARIEL AND NOT IN THE PERIPHERY YEARS AGO IN A GAY BAR WHERE FRECKLES LUCK (FRECKLES LUCK!!!!!!) COULDVE SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET

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THIS IS THE WORST TIMELINE

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you're really having a time of it

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I told you guys I know her!!

[beecreeper]

1, 7, and 8!

Oh my god I ended up writing so much for this one O.O Thank you for the good asks

1.) What’s Durge’s creation myth? Not the ‘and then there was a gore baby’. Give me the details, what did Bhaal actually do for durge to torment Toril in a few years?

Eilidh I KNOW you know the answer to this one but also you know that I love durge creation lore thank you for letting me publicly rant about it.

I gave both of my durge’s surrogate bio mothers because even though durge was created from Bhaal’s flesh, I still wanted to give them somewhere to cook. (out of universe it’s because a friend of mine had an OC that matched the role of Briar’s bio mom too well not to use and then the concept got carried over to Ferox)

SO Briar’s bio mom is Saorise, an evil power hungry blood magic sorceress who really wanted a baby to mold into an extension of herself narcissist style. But she was infertile and also no man was worth doing it the traditional way with anyway so she made a deal with Bhaal instead – she would carry his freshly molded bhaalspawn and she would get to raise it however she wanted. Saorise didn’t necessarily worship Bhaal specifically but she knew his desperation for spawn could be leveraged in her favor. However things went wrong when a totally separate cult (not sure which god specifically because that’s more on my friend’s side of things) decided that Saorise needed to be taken out. So they cut the fucking baby out of her, womb and all. Saorise survived and is doing bitter old traumatized milf stuff in a different universe while baby Briar was then sold through sketchy Zhentarim channels to her foster parents and whisked away to Amn before Bhaal’s cult could track her down. Bonus fun fact! Saorise is Briar’s dream guardian which I LOVE because there’s some cool magic implied by the fact that her form is somehow in Briar’s mind despite the fact that they were separated even before birth.

Ferox’s bio mom is Amaura, a half orc woman who was a very very dedicated Bhaal cultist who was kind fringe devoted even by Bhaalist standards. She had witnessed and survived the absolutely brutal murder of her entire family as a child and then, in a freak twist of fate, the murder of her husband and child as an adult. This made her believe that she was specifically chosen by the god of murder and got WAY into it. She kept getting virgin mary style visions and whatnot telling her what to do in order to carry Bhaal’s perfect spawn. She did this is secret from the rest of the cult, both on Bhaal’s instructions and because “they just wouldn’t understand”. When it was time, she traveled alone to the Boareskyr Bridge (where Bhaal’s mortal form had been killed during the Time of Troubles) and drank from the cursed water there, which triggered “labor”. And by labor I mean “baby Ferox becoming a partial slayer baby and clawing his way out of her stomach”. I haven’t decided if it’s more brutal is she’s alive when it happens or if the water outright kills her and then baby Ferox has to crawl out of her corpse. Regardless, the next step is a bunch of goblins stumbling across this random blood covered orc baby sitting inside of a mangled corpse and going “DUUUUUDE THIS BABY FUCKING ROCKS! DIBS!”

7.) What were durge’s and Gortash’s first words towards each other (Be as vague as you want)

Hmmm hard to say. I’m sorry to say I don’t think I have anything specific here. For both of them, I imagine their first meeting was arranged by Gortash in order to discuss the details of the House of Wonders heist and formalize an alliance. In which case, both sides would have been “playing nice”. Gortash would have been outwardly schmoozing and trying to simultaneously flatter, intimidate, and impress his potential ally. Greeting them very graciously and respectfully with one of durge’s more formal epithets like “scion of Bhaal”, offering them a drink, that kind of stuff.

Briar went into the meeting essentially expecting to mentally flip a coin as to whether or not she would kill him, spent the entire time grinning like a cheshire cat while they tried to talk circles around each other. Decided he was fun enough to play with to hold off on killing him immediately. Seductively threatened to kill him at least once. Her first words upon entering the room probably would have been something teasing, like “well well, so this is the little lording himself” or something like that.

Ferox was very much a wall of stone at first. Went in very practically, like “Fine. You have something to offer me? Make your offer.” There would have still been some of that back and forth between them, with Gortash doing a lot of double talk and Ferox being careful and sparing with his choice of words. Unlike Briar, Ferox wouldn’t be trying to out maneuver Gortash but more trying to keep himself from getting played. He has to make sure this deal is actually good enough to be worth not just killing him, which is 100% what the plan would have been if Gortash had failed to convince him.

The vibes are that Briar and Gortash’s rapport was tennis and Ferox and Gortash was chess. It’s not a perfect analogy but I'm going with it.

I really want their initial meetings to be more distinct and have more intrigue and scheming and mind games and stuff like that involved but I am honestly super bad at thinking of that type of stuff. 😭 Maybe someday I’ll be inspired for a more specific scenario.

8.) What were their last words towards each other? And who really got the final say?

I’m not sure if this means last words pre-tadpole or last words overall, but I’m gonna answer the former because I have more specifically planned.

Briar: “I have to go.” Gortash: “Wait where the fuck are you-”

Okay the scene I have in mind is that they are literally in the middle of a typical evening of gettin’ down nasty when Briar has the urge to kill him. Which she has obviously had before. Aaaaaall the time. She’s gotten used to ignoring them because the plan is more important. But this one is different. This time she feels the urge and then has a thought like “I don’t *want* to do that”. Not “I won’t do that *yet*”. Not “killing him would be awesome but would cause a bunch of headaches I don’t want to deal with”. Straight up like... “If I killed him I think I would feel sad about it.” And she reacts like she just touched a hot stove. NOPE. THAT’S NOT RIGHT. THAT’S FUCKED UP WE’RE NOT GONNA DEAL WITH THAT. And so she just stops everything and leaves RIGHT THEN without another word. Goes to have an existential crisis about this, writes that prayer for forgiveness, gets decked by Orin, you know the rest.

For Ferox and Gortash, their final words before Ferox got tadpoled would have been something far more mundane. Just a simple reiteration of the plan and a goodbye before Ferox went off to take care of some business ahead of him at Moonrise. A simple “see you three days” kinda thing. Between Ferox and Gortash at that point, everything was running smoothly. Their relationship had been “established” and most of the drama of it passed -- Ferox had stopped doing the “no you have to stay away for your own good” stuff and resigned to the fact that “well this is gonna end really really badly but so is everything. Nothing matters and i can’t stay away from you”. Between winning that battle AND the recent overwhelming success of the Hell Heist and the progress of the Absolute plot, Gortash was absolutely riding that high and feeling completely invincible. From his perspective they just had to coast to the finish line.

The real conflict here was between Ferox and Orin. Orin was beginning to needle Ferox a bit more about the progress of the plan and how close Ferox was with Gortash and how it seemed like he was taking *orders* and Ferox was getting progressively more fed up with her. He was sort of swimming with guilt about the fact that he was actively planning to murder the entire world and didn’t want to think about anything. He just wanted to disassociate himself and follow through with the plan without thinking too hard about where it was leading. But every time Orin prodded him about Gortash he was forced to think about it again and real angry about it. Not a strict, flat anger like from a boss but a sharp, personal anger. He snapped at her with a reprimand, a threat, and maybe even a phsyical attack that, while maybe hard to see from the outside, felt like it fell outside of the purview of what was acceptable to her. Like, as the Bhaalist leader he had scolded her before, threatened her before, fought her before, but this was *different* and both of them knew it.  It was the moment it became personal and Orin knew that her bloodkin was lost.

Uuuuuuuh this answer got away from me. Tldr: Ferox and Gortash made plans to meet up at Moonrise to continue preparations for the Absolute, said a casual, mundane, and practical goodbye. They did not meet up.

[layover94]

remembered i can disneypost on here to my heart's content. well.

Very excited to log on tomorrow and see a bunch of twt and youtube reactions to (and informative posts about) today's union march on harbor blvd as hype for the impending union vote on striking. iirc the vote will be on the 19th among 14k dlr union members, out of ~35k total cast members… if you ask me the ratio of unionized cast members should be so much higher and i think that's part of the point of running a march/protest on disneyland's anniversary, to wake up the cast members who are too bought into the lore and magic and Walt's Legacy of it all… i read that today's march intended to go from harbor to the main entrance of disneyland but dlr security and anaheim pd didn't let the protesters onto the esplanade. Lmao. i really hope that the union gains a lot of members and definitively votes for a strike on the 19th bc it's very deserved, it's insane how little cast members make while being expected to perform above and beyond literally any other service worker you've ever met in your life lmao and that gap only gets worse and worse in current year amid budget cuts to entertainment, hours, even concierge and guest complaint services… a drop in cast member service/attitude has been noticeable to us and we literally don't even mind it lmao because in the early 2000s the pay was way better so expecting a crazy disneyfied level of service was more reasonable BUT nowadays there's blatant cost-cutting and evil behaviors everywhere so i don't fucking care that the random cast member bringing me some french fries this year wasn't hyper-courteous and outperforming every mcdonalds worker i've ever met in my life, because in current year i know that they're not even making any more than a donowslave while being held to an exponentially higher standard…

if disney has any hope of maintaining its brand reputation ESPECIALLY parkswise then it better fucking listen to its union members and start improving things. widely-reported low crowds from non-locals and non-diehards this summer should be showing them that they can't keep price-gouging people forever… my last visit a few weeks ago was literally the first time in my ENTIRE LIFE that disneyland closed before 1am in the summer. it was literally like disruptive and disturbing, bc leaving the back of the park at 12am to then meander through the main street shops until 1am has been the habit SINCE I WAS BORN but this year, disney is so desperate for a high profit margin that they're cutting hours, cutting services, hiking prices, etc even during their peak travel times. hello? fuck you? literally anyone can look at your stock price, your box office gross, your ticket prices vs hours served, to determine disney's overall profit margin and yet you still shamelessly act this way. disney adults exist for a REASON and it's because there used to be a standard of service and quality offered to barely-middle-class and up families that gave them unbelievably memorable experiences that made them want to keep coming back and chasing that high for the rest of their lives. i love disneyland because i've loved it since i was 6 years old and most of it hasn't changed since i was 6 years old and in the intervening years i've grown to appreciate with adult eyes the creativity and engineering feats and Also the childish whimsy that has gone into creating the things i've loved ever since i was 6 years old. but when it costs over a hundred fucking dollars to spend one day in the park, when i vividly remember (even as a child with little sense of money!) it costing much less than $100, it just feels like ticket scalping lmao and to know that clearly those price hikes don't even go to the cast members who make the everyday operations of the park as good as they are? instead it all goes to the execs who keep closing and fucking up all my favorite rides? oh i'm out for blood. i truly hope that every single union member strikes and that disneyland SUFFERS immensely trying to stay open and ignore the strike. i hope it's a bloodbath and utterly humiliating for the company. cast members deserve everything, execs deserve nothing

[bexisanidiot]

Bee lore bc yes- (and I'm bored asf and made some changes, there's a lot)

TWs: grape, trafficking, mention of alcoholism

Bee's birthday is May 23rd, 1958 and her real full name is "Pheonix Vera Oh" bc she was adopted by Zero as an infant after her and Mantis' mom gave her away (she was forced to since she had Bee pretty young). Bee never really talked at all till she was 11 years old, she mostly only made weird screeching or hooting noises. Her powers still kicked in when she was 4 years old and ended up bursting into flames and screaming her head off because it randomly got extremely loud. (Imagine walking in and your adopted daughter is screaming at the top of her lungs while she's on fire laying and rolling on the floor😭)

She was eventually put out then was completely fine, no burns no nothing. So bc of it they started running tests on her and shit, mostly just a brain surgery and random checkups. She was given to The Boss to hopefully get a better understanding of her abilities bc the COBRA unit is mfs with special abilities like her. But after operation Snaker Eater, Zero had Bee meet her real parents and her mother decided to take her back but let her continue visiting Zero. The relationship between Bee and her bio parents was awkward especially because she was a freak, her mom understood Bee pretty well and was the nicest person to her. Dad kinda just ignored her existence unless something was needed or whatever. So that's when her name was changed to "Svetlana Vera Rebenok" (or whatever last name her parents had) for possibly safety reasons.

She didn't do much as a kid, kinda just hung around and ofc didn't speak at all. There were times she was caught digging into the trash for anything metal or glass or even aluminum, hiding in the woods and climbing trees next to owls nest to the point the owls just became chill with her being there like she was one of them in a way. Her eyes glow brightly from built up energy so she probably scared a bunch of other kids and in result of it she didn't have any friends other than birds (or any stray animal she came across). I wouldn't be surprised if she came home with a raccoon, opossum, or even a whole owl in her hands or following her along with have rusty cans or nails and broken glass in her pockets.

I imagine she was there for when Mantis was born and witnessed their mom die so it fucked her up good, she was there for Mantis for a little while till early or mid 1973 when she left for Vietnam thinking she could take war, she could not. She got 10x more fucked up within 2 to 3 months. In Vietnam she was burned by napalm and been captured by American soliders where she was taken advantage of while knocked out and nearly sold to human trafficking, she eventually discovered what was being done to her and she snapped then killed them all using her powers and stole one of their uniforms. When brought to Zero they had discovered one of the soliders have impregnated her but when the baby was born it was immediately put up for adoption. When she went back to Russia she decided to continue taking care of Mantis so there's a high chance she wasn’t involved in peacewalker or ground zeros. At some point after Zero became very sick then brain dead along with discovering Paz's death, she developed a cocaine addiction along with a group of friends and out of an episode of being high off her ass she had her twin sons "Alan David Morozov" and "Luke Viktor Morozov" on February 28th, 1979. Eventually she met Quiet sometime after the twins were born and became sober with Quiet's help. In 1983, Bee had a daughter named, "Irina Pacifica Baranov" out of denial of being a lesbian but she later came to terms with it. Irina's father died in the events of 1984 in the Cyprus hospital as an XOF soldier. Bee had joined XOF around the same time as Quiet has. Her original intentions in XOF was to betray Skull Face and kill him herself, but it turned into her being posted as a spy at Diamond dogs as Quiet was posted to spread the parasite. However, Bee commonly spilled everything to Ocelot and Miller even though her and Miller had a strong disliking to eachother (mostly on Miller's end). However when Quiet went MIA, so did Bee. At this point Bee has discovered what has happened to her and Mantis' village and learned that Mantis was the floating boy so naturally she went go hunt him down in Africa to reunite with him and take him to the USA with her, Quiet, and her 3 kids.

At some point when Mantis ran off to join the KGB, Bee went off to join FOXHOUND and the CIA as well around the same time. She was a double agent for the CIA and FOXHOUND. However when Mantis joined FOXHOUND along side her, she was absolutely pissed and ended up lying to the CIA about some stuff to hopefully keep Mantis at least a little bit safer (how did that turn out Bee? Hm?).

After the Shadow Moses Incident she basically disappeared for a few years, turned out she was in the UK maintaining the Cipher base. She finally left the UK in 2012 and went to visit the US to be with family and finally personally met her grandkids and Luke's (at the time) boyfriend, and overall caught up with a bunch of other things that she missed out on. Possibly reunited with old friends as well if any lived passed Shadow Moses.

In 2018 when Zero finally died, Bee took the full legal mantle of Cipher along with his position within the CIA and any other groups he was in.

She became a great grandmother in 2020 through her son Alan. And became a grandmother to Luke and his now husband's adopted son and daughter around the same time frame.

Bee now as of 2023 is Cipher and technically the last remaining patriot other than the AIs until she dies at 115 in 2073.

Extra notes:

Due to Bee's relationship with Quiet, Bee has inherited the parasite but it does not affect her vocal cords for an unknown reason but it does repair any damaged tissue. Her liver and kidneys for example due to the fact is an alcoholic. Yes she has the parasite flare but doesn't use it as often as Quiet does.

After Solid Snake's retirement, Bee has hunted down Solid Snake and killed him herself, keeping his bandana and even teeth.

Yes, she keeps people's teeth. If she killed someone there is a high chance she collected their teeth and dogtags.

She (almost) has always had a small explosive located in her lower spine but if it is remove there is a possibility she will never walk again since it has become a part of her skeleton at this point. It'll only go off if a certain amount of pressure is pressed up on it or if her back breaks. It can also be activated by built up gasses after death.

Due to her ability of being able to burst into flames, her body temperature is higher than the average person so she is able to be in Alaska or certain cold environments fairly fine until she uses that ability. If she uses the ability she'll fall asleep and become extremely cold (to her anyways), making her extremely vulnerable. YES HER SUITS/OUTFITS ARE FIREPROOF YOU PERVERTS(/playfully but also seriously).

However due to her special fire ability, she can heat stroke faster than the average person.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

I have such chaos choir brainrot because of your blog, dude.

That being said do you have any silly little headcanons about the choir kids? Much appreciated if you do :)

-✨

i do!!

here’s…

Ride the Cyclone Kids Playing A D&D Game Based On Silent Hill

(based on my own Silent Hill-based dnd game, which i DM!)

(there’s gonna be A Lot of references to the Silent Hill franchise/lore and to the Call of Cthulhu module, so try to keep up!)

BASICALLY, it’s a completely original storyline and everything, but it uses the Call of Cthulhu module for rolls and stats

Penny is the DM!

And

Good Lord

This girl is RUTHLESS

Her mind? Oh my god. Some of the shit she’s come up with is fucking INSANE.

But we’ll get more into Penny’s mercilessness soon

Characters!

All the others were given simple instructions

Spin a wheel with a bunch of themes on it. They get three themes, and then they must build a character around them

(My players got to pick theirs, but Penny’s doing is differently)

(As in, I’m spinning a wheel to determine the themes for the kids so I can make them random characters)

Ocean’s themes were: Corruption; Identity; and Murder!

Noel’s themes were: Justice, Injustice, and Revenge; Body Image/Body Shaming; and The Meaning Of Happiness and Sorrow

Mischa’s themes were: Murder; Trauma and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder; and Bullying

Ricky’s themes were: Corruption; Rebirth; and Love and Hate

Constance’s themes were: Depression, Grief, and Mental Illness; The Human Condition; and Psychology

The characters were made!

They then did their stats and gave Penny their backstory and reason for being in Silent Hill

Penny, looking at Ricky’s 80 Luck: nice!

Penny, noticing his Sanity is 40: oh no

(Luck is used to negate damage and stuff like that. You can also do a Hail Mary aka Avoid Sudden Death if you have 30, which will allow you to survive an attack that would have killed you otherwise!)

(And then Sanity determines how a character will react to something traumatic or disturbing. You roll to see if your character will be able to tough it out, or if they’ll take Sanity damage. If they take a certain amount of Sanity damage in one session, they’ll suffer a Bout of Madness, which Penny has a WHOLE LIST of effects for. And if you lose ALL your Sanity, your character becomes an NPC and the DM can play them however they want.)

They play in Mischa’s basement, and Penny goes ALL OUT. She’s got props, costumes, the whole nine yards. She does character voices and everything! It’s INCREDIBLE

Finally, it was time to go into Silent Hill!

The plot is this: The party has woken up in a motel to find that the whole town of Silent Hill has become shrouded in fog. They can’t get out of the town, forcing them to traverse the place to find a way to escape. And to get out, they must enter five different Otherworlds designed after each of their character’s, which are made to torment them and put all their trauma and flaws on display. They even get their own customized bosses based on the PCs (player characters), which are HORRIFIC.

There’s also these creatures called the Dark Tormentors, which stalk the PCs and appear from time to time to psychologically torture them. They’re born from the darkest parts of the PCs, can speak, and cannot be killed.

Yeah, Penny went ALL OUT

But the game!!

First session is relatively chill for a horror game about everything that’s horrid in the world. The party starts in South Vale and ends up in Brookhaven Hospital after the Fog World starts to transition into the Otherworld.

Penny BLASTS foghorns for that part, it’s fuckin menacing

While in Brookhaven, the party must compete this puzzle. There’s a door made out of flesh that won’t open without four offerings: a finger, an eyeball, a tooth, and a tongue. These items can be found throughout the hospital, acting as rewards for their own puzzles (but Penny, being the menace she is, does attempt to get the characters to have their PCs maim themselves for the items)

In the kitchen of the hospital, there’s a cooked dog, and Penny deadass looks them in the eye and asks if they want a bite

(She has a whole prepared description of the taste if they say yes)

(None of them do)

(She’s a little bummed)

Penny, after the party enters a cramped room: Are any of you, by any chance, claustrophobic?

Ocean: Yes.

Penny: Interesting.

Noel: No.

Penny: Oh, you will be. You will be.

Noel, fearfully: Wh

Noel: What

Penny: :)

They end up fighting the Missionary from Silent Hill 3 and complete session one!

After that, the pure disturbing horror that Penny has prepared for them is ramped up to one hundred

I’m not gonna go into detail about each and every session they have because I would be here for awhile, and I’m already kinda worried this isn’t the most entertaining batch of headcanons, but I’ll give A TON of highlights!

At one point, the party goes to this market, which has a ton of supplies for them to find. However, there’s a Two-Back sleeping inside of the market, meaning that they have to roll Stealth every single time they want to go to a different stall

THIS is a Two-Back

What do you know, Ocean fails her VERY FIRST Stealth roll, and the whole party has to flee

Ricky, after the party comes to a locked gate: Can I roll Locksmith to try and open it?

Penny: Of course!

Ricky: *rolls Locksmith*

Ricky: *fails*

Penny: You’re a bit rusty on your lockpicking skills. So are your tools. They’re as weak as the branches of the trees all around you and snap with ease. You failed. But that isn’t a surprise, is it? All you do is fuck up. Maybe don’t volunteer unless you know for sure you won’t waste everyone’s time.

Ricky: 😥

Like I said, Penny as a DM is RUTHLESS

But her cruelty is mainly the narrator in the script she has for each session. She purposely wrote the narrator as bitchy and cruel toward the PCs whenever they fuck up.

She had to let everyone know that nothing of what she said was a personal attack, and she loves them all very much

Mischa: Can I try to bust this door down?

Penny: Sure!

Mischa: *rolls*

Mischa: *fails*

Penny: You try to bust the door open, but this is wrought iron you’re dealing with, and you’re basically the Christian version of one of those inflatable men outside car dealerships. You were never going to get it open. Maybe conceal your hubris next time before you embarrass yourself again.

Constance, who wanted to ask if she could pry the door open with a crowbar her character had found: *slowly puts her hand down*

There’s this part where the party encounters this hole in the floor, and Mischa has his character hop down. It ends up being this well, and he shouts up to the others to not come down. Penny asks the rest of the PCs to roll Listen to see if they can hear Mischa’s character tell them to not come down. They all fail. They all then jump down.

Penny, after the party can’t get through a gate around an area they want to explore and are beckoned to follow an unknown voice: Surprisingly, the force doesn’t seem very threatening, just eerie. Will you follow, or do you think you’ll be able to sprout wings and fly to the other side of the fence?

Noel: No.

Penny: Pussy.

Noel: >:O

Okay, so Penny came up with this REALLY COOL puzzle that damn near made Constance shit herself.

So one of the Otherworlds the party explores is in Toluca Prison. In the Interrogation Room, there’s an item that they need to progress sitting on a table. Noel’s character picks it up, which causes his arm to be ensnared by this bear trap-like contraption. To free him, someone must go into the actual interrogation space and lock themselves in these chains attached to the wall. Once they’re in the chains, they gotta make three successful Strength rolls, and doing so will release the trap on Noel’s character.

Here’s the rub: The door to the interrogation space will slam shut and lock the moment someone enters. The whole room is soundproof, and what they thought was a wall of glass is actually a one-way mirror. So the character inside can’t see out to their party, they can only see themselves.

So, Constance’s character is the one who steps into the interrogation space first, which forces her into the role of being Noel’s character’s savior.

She locks herself in the chains and starts the rolls.

First roll is a success! Yay! That’s good!

That’s when Penny pulls Constance out of the room to talk to her one-on-one.

And when she talks to her one-on-one, she describes something absolutely horrific that only Constance’s character can see.

Penny: You notice something in the mirror. There’s something against the wall directly behind you. At first, you think it’s just a trick of the light on the dirty white paint, but then you see it move. You realize that it’s a hand. And if there’s a hand, that must mean there’s a… A body. Something is pushing its way out of the wall. It has no face—instead, there is only a gaping hole. Its limbs are thin and disjointed, and it looks almost mutilated and disfigured. Even without eyes, you know it’s looking directly at you.

To make it even worse, she shows Constance a picture of exactly what she’s dealing with here

This is the creature! It’s called a Raw Shock!

Anyway, Constance’s character must now make three more Strength rolls, but this time with a penalty. And each time she rolls, the Raw Shock gets closer and closer and closer.

She fails.

Which leads her to getting THIS description.

Penny: You feel something snag on the back of your head and pull you backwards by the hair. The creature has caught you, and its touch is icy cold. The longer it has its hands on you, the more warmth you can feel draining from your being, as though this thing is sucking out your body heat to take for its own. The creature, surprisingly strong for its skeletal frame, begins to pull you to the wall it had come from. It seems to want to take you back with it. It also seems to have friends, as you start to notice other hands pushing out from the wall, reaching for you, beckoning for you. The bodies soon follow, and they’re all abstract beings of nightmares: bodies with exaggerated female forms, organs and bones and nipples exposed; bodies that are terribly bloated, bubbles and fungi consuming the pale flesh; bodies like disks, bearing a sliced appearance, as though a knife had been taken to their skin and slashed them to pieces. Whispers fill your ears. Whispers that call your name, that tell you that you’re home, that say it’s safe now, and the voices sound so warm, so genuine. Maybe this is home…

Constance is fucking HORRIFIED

Her character is fine, though! The trap releases Noel’s character, and they all get out!

But Penny has successfully scarred both Constance and her PC

Which is what she wants >:)

*The party is at a door that won’t open (because they need certain puzzle pieces for it)*

Ocean: Maybe you have to…say a magic word?

Ocean: Abra kadabra!

Nothing happens.

Ocean: I don’t know why I thought that would work.

The party takes this LONG ride in an elevator, and while they wait, Penny starts going around, asking everyone who they would eat first if they had to resort to cannibalism to stay alive 😭

Ocean: Can I drink some water?

Penny: Absolutely! Can you just roll me Spot Hidden real fast?

Ocean: Yeah.

Ocean: *rolls*

Ocean: *gets a Regular Success*

Penny: Cool, thanks!

Five minutes later, Penny stops roleplay to tell Ocean that her character has started to violently vomit her blood everywhere

Penny: Hasn’t your mommy ever told you not to drink random water bottles you find in alternate dimensions? Fucking idiot. If you haven’t noticed already, that wasn’t water you drank. It was actually water mixed with hydrochloric acid! You’re going to continue regurgitating your blood for an hour. Also you take 1d8 damage every time it happens. Good going. Stupid bitch.

Ocean was so sad

They go to YET ANOTHER market, and this time there’s no Two-Back there to screw them over

But there ARE a BUNCH of weird as hell stalls for them to explore

One in particular is called Caricature Cabin

Penny, doing the voice of the faceless person who runs the stall: “Hiya! Would you like to have your caricature done?”

Noel: No.

Penny: Then what the fuck are you even doing here?

Constance: I will have my caricature done! Please.

Penny: “Wonderful! Here, sit down! It won’t take very long!”

Penny: You sit down. The artist examines you with eyes that aren’t there, then gets to work. They sketch and color and paint diligently. Once they’re done, they show you, radiating great pride.

Penny: It… it isn’t a caricature. It’s just you drawn as a turtle wearing a wig.

The whole party was HOWLING with laughter

Penny made her own painting of this just for the session

There’s also a stall called “I Sell Weird Lemons”

Penny: The stall consists of a singular lemon sitting on a table. It has googly eyes glued to it. It’s being bidded on.

Penny: The highest bid is $500,000.

Ricky’s character bids on it

He puts $500,001

(He wins the bid)

(The lemon appears to him two sessions later)

The party encounters a pack of Wormheads. Mischa’s character accidentally alerts them and gets attacked by one.

Penny: The Wormhead’s head whips up. The maggots and grub making up its whole face shift around restlessly, emanating a wet sound. Then, suddenly, it’s lunging directly at you.

Penny: Surely it can’t bite with it’s head full of worms, you think to yourself as its head full of worms splits open horizontally to reveal a gaping, oozing maw of insects.

Penny: Oh.

The whole party: 😟

Noel was GAGGING

OH THE NEEDLE PIT!!!!!

I just remembered this trap from my own game

This one is GOOD

SO

The characters are all in this Otherworld for Ricky’s character, and one of the traps is in the Study Room

When they step into the Study Room, they’re all lashed up into those baby bungie harnesses and suspended above the floor

This talking parrot begins to tell them about a game called Truth or Dunk. The parrot will ask them the questions, and as long as the characters answer truthfully, they won’t be dunked into the FLOOR OF DOOM!!!

(It’s just the regular floor)

Ricky’s character is the first to lie, but the harness just lowers a little bit

Ocean’s character is the second to lie, and instead of just being lowered, she drops STRAIGHT through the floor

Because the “regular floor” was all a lie

It seemed to be an illusion of sorts

Underneath it is a giant pit full of needles

Which Ocean’s character is described to be plunged into in very graphic detail

Constance’s character is the third one to go into the pit because the character mentions God at one point, and she refers to him with “he/him” pronouns, when in Silent Hill lore, God uses “she/her”

So into the pit Constance’s character goes!

“YOU GOT DROPPED IN THE NEEDLES BECAUSE YOU MISGENDERED GOD???” -Ocean

One of the Dark Tormentors is named Ideal Daddy (the character it belongs to has daddy issues lol), and when the party meets it, it holds them hostage in a tea party (which Penny brings props and food for!)

But during it, Noel and Mischa’s characters get into this really heated argument over morality

And then others are just There

Ocean, while Noel and Mischa are verbally tearing out each other’s throats: I’m going to offer Daddy some more cake

The party wanted to enter a building Penny didn’t have any content for, so when Mischa’s character tried to kick the door down, she just made the entire building (minus the door) fall out of existence

So

There was this One Boss

A boss that fucked over EVERYONE

This boss belonged to Ocean’s character

It was called the Bloated Lamb, and it was this DISGUSTING fleshy sheep monster that had a very, how do I put this, phallic head

Everyone was groaning in disgust by just its DESCRIPTION

And then combat starts

First round

Two characters die INSTANTLY

Everyone had known about the possibility of death in the game, but they had managed to tough it out for several sessions. There was one close call where Ricky’s character got dropped all the way down to 4 HP (they all got to start with 100), but they used a healing item called an Ampoule on him (which Constance’s character kept in her cleavage lol), which would raise anyone all the back back to full HP

So yeah, they knew about the dangers of death in this game. But they didn’t think much of it because they had managed to get through so much!

They let their guard down.

Foolish mistake.

Penny had been waiting for this day, and it finally came true.

After surviving fights with a scorpion abomination with guns for pincers, a 300 foot long flesh mermaid, a horrifyingly uncanny sphinx monster, a walking skin sack with a giant drill for a hand, the embodiment of toxic masculinity itself, it took just one (1) attack from a big dick sheep to wipe nearly half the party out.

The blood that was spilled that day was delicious.

The victims were Noel and Mischa’s characters.

The Bloated Lamb reared up from the water the battlefield was set on (they were fighting on a ferry) and sprayed acid on them (you can probably get the euphemism here)

However, Mischa actually had enough Luck left to use his Hail Mary, which meant his character got to survive and be set back to full health

Noel’s character, however…

The party got an EXTREMELY detailed description of how their beloved party member looks as he is melted by the Bloated Lamb’s acid

Everyone is now terrified but also PISSED

They gotta get their heads in the game

…Perhaps that is taken a little too literally, though

Round two begins

Constance’s character is killed

The Bloated Lamb literally smashes her into an incredibly gory pulp with its head

And then Ricky’s character is fucking LAUNCHED across this underground lake they’re fighting in because the Bloated Lamb smacked him with its flesh hoof, and he DROWNS

By this point, Mischa and Ocean are STRESSING because they might get a TPK (total party kill)

The entire table is fucking RATTLED

Noel had to get up and walk around because he’s So Overcome, Constance has her head in her hands, Ricky is just in shock because oh my god did his character really DROWN, Ocean and Mischa are SWEATING

And then Penny looks absolutely sinister, feeding on their fear and stress

She Loves This

By some fucking miracle, Mischa and Ocean manage to kill the Bloated Lamb

Even still, the whole party is mourning the loss of their companions…

But then, they get revived! A monster they met before named Valtiel revives the three who died! (but if they die again, then they’re actually fully dead)

And so, the nightmare continues >:)

[thenotsohottopic]

hello! im wondering if you could make a seperate set of hc for each dsmp member and their relationship (!p) with a reader who is streamer but is the youngest (like 14-15yrs, they're part of the dsmp btw) i really dont mind if you decide to do only a certain amount or just ignore this at all thank you for your time hun!

Young Streamer! Reader

Character(s): Dream, Philza, Wilbur, Karl, Quackity, Ranboo, Tubbo, Tommy & reader

Genre: Fluff, headcanon

Warning(s): swearing, mentions of bullying(?)

Dream

- loves you

- he honestly thinks that you just bring this weird light (?) To the rest of the smp

- whenever he can, he watches your streams.

- lowkey scared chat when he donated $500-

"snsjsb IS THAT DREAM?!"

"BRO WTF"

"S/N IS PART OF THE SMP?!?!?!?"

- your chat was dead 💀

- I have a feeling that he is one of the mods

- banned everyone who ever said anything rude

- he is kinda like this protective uncle or sum shit

- idk man but everyone probably decided to give you a sad Lore type thing

Wilbur

- you two probably have the most cracked up convos

- ur part of Gen Z, you have to have some really fucking weird ideas or thought so hey! You share them with him

- he enjoys streaming with you

- you were there when they all met up in Brighton-

- Wilbur gave you a piggy back ride when that happened :)

- he treats you as if you're his younger sibling

- overall, he just tries his best to be there for you and shit lol

Quackity

- you two are complete CHAOS

- when you two are streaming together it's just a big mess

- constantly saying the WEIRDIST shit known to man

- Philza is scared whenyou two are together

- as is everyone else

- you know that 'No askers' thing he made?

- yeah he definitely made some weird ass song with you in it

- he has claimed you as his chaos sibling

- Wilbur is your "older brother" that you can turn to and have the most random conversations with and vent to

- while Quackity is your "older brother" that will do really stupid shit with you that probably ends up in a lecture

Ranboo

- omg you two are making horrible puns ALL OF THE TIME

- it annoys everyone but you two could care less <3

- he will watch all of your streams and you two stream together whenever you can

- he just really enjoys ur company

- he also has taken it upon himself to be someone for you to look up to

- u know how he was sad about not going to the MCC and he made that sad arc stream?

- ya you weren't invited either so you were apart of it

- it was funny

- especially because you ended up naming a bunch of chickens after everyone else that was in it (that you were friends w/ ofc)

- and killed all of them

Tubbo

- you two are the "looks wholesome but could actually kill you" duo

- it just scares everyone

- you know how he loves bees?

- ya if you have an obsession w/ a certain animal he will listen to you talk about it

- YOU TWO PROBABLY BUILT THIS COTTAGECORE HOUSE

- it has a bee farm

- Tommy also helped build it

- he tries to be this really cool and fun person for you!

- basically just someone he wants you to feel free to be yourself around

- you probably also help tubbo read certain sentences or words if you don't have dyslexia yourself

- if you do than you both probably get help from Tommy every now and then

Tommy

- you two are a force to be reckoned with

- just- scary chaotic

- I feel like Tommy would definitely be a little protective of you?

- he loves to stream w/ you

- however when it does happen it is one of the loudest things ever

- you two probably made a world together to try and win the game-

- but it consisted of you two killing eachother more than the mobs

- you know that whole Ranboo and Tubbo thing?

- your there to comfort him and shit

- you just spend as much time with him as you can

- he now has a nickname for you that came to be from an inside joke

- and vis versa with him :)

I am so sorry if this didn't turn out the way you wanted- I couldn't quite get all of the mcyt so I just did the people I could! Take care of yourselves <3

[itwoodbeprefect]

decided to just compile a bunch of comments about my sga 1x01 rising rewatch into a single post because i don’t actually want to make a hundred posts in a row, so here, under the cut, many rambles:

announcer guy does, in fact, speak english upon a second attempt. well done on not forgetting to not speak german, announcer guy.

“i’m afraid of the thing” elizabeth says, about the drone chair, while standing next to it and looking like she wants to fuck it

rodney in that orange sweater! very orange! very warm!

john is on screen. john’s first words are helicopters he knows how to fly. john KINDA LIKES IT in antarctica. john has barely done anything and i already feel like crying a little bit about this guy who LIKES ANTARCTICA because he just wants to fly

POOR CARSON when he almost kills two people. “ai told ya ai was the wrong pursohn” :(

i really love how john sees the drone coming at the (landed) helicopter and yells “get out!” and they throw open their doors and john JUMPS and then it’s just “ugh.” and he’s belly-down on the floor and still like, almost under the helicopter. an attempt was made, for sure. just not a very succesful one.

the way john looks around like he’s never seen a ceiling before when he enters the base is just. very funny. and then some guy in particular is looking at him because he’s a bit of a weirdo and john looks back and the guy sort of looks him up and down and john looks away as if to check if anybody saw that. hmm.

john’s face of “oops” after he sits down in the chair and it ACTIVATES and carson RUNS OFF to go get literally everyone and john is realizing he MAY have just made a very giant big mistake. PRICELESS

teyla: my people have long believed the wraith will come if we venture into the ancient city. sumner, when the wraith come after he ventures into the ancient city: [surprised pikachu face]

gotta love how john insisting on saving his people is what wakes up the wraith, and saving his people is also what landed john in antarctica in the first place because he tried it in afghanistan once before. which wouldn’t have happened if there hadn’t been an american war in afghanistan in the first place, which there wouldn’t have been if bush hadn’t thrown the us into it, which wouldn’t have happened without 9/11, so... bin laden woke the wraith?

on the other hand john would never have had to go on a rescue mission on his first day in pegasus if sumner hadn’t gone into that city against the wishes of the people that already lived there and had a history dating back thousands of years with the place, so more realistically, the expeditions’ colonizer mentality woke the wraith. and then they just kinda... kept going with that for the rest of the show, because it worked out so well on that first day.

anyway i’m not even there yet - puddlejumper! it jumps puddles!

have to love the moment john realizes the puddlejumper is pretty literally reading his mind and giving him anything he can think of that is within its power (so no turkey sandwiches, but that’s okay). john is already in love with it just based on the fact that IT CAN FLY AND GO FAST (“i kinda like it here”, restored) but then all the ancient technology just seems to know him and love him back and gives him way more than he even thinks to ask for. which, for john, who doesn’t really do well expressing desires? a FLYING SHIP that then READS HIS MIND? starstruck. love at first sight. john&puddlejumper, instant bffs. i bet it would have popped a compartment with some stray bits of wire if he’d asked for a friendship bracelet right then and there. ford sitting there witnessing this doesn’t even know how hard he’s thirdwheeling it in that moment.

now i am at the bit where sumner is taken from the wraith prison to see the actual wraith, and look, obviously they’re evil and feed on humans etc etc, but this particular wraith’s sense of dramatics? unparalleled. she has them bring her victims one by one to a large foggy room with a looong table set with a wonderful dinner and then she LEAVES a DEAD BODY sitting at the head of the table (implied to be the athosian that was taken before sumner?) and drops down from the ceiling while sumner has his back turned for no reason except the spectacle of it all, and dracula himself literally couldn’t have made a better display out of this. it’s maybe scary in the way that it makes clear she’s a cat toying with a helpless mouse before she eats it, but it’s also hilarious in the way that this is absolutely a very bored immortal being who had to stay up while the rest went to sleep and is inventing high school improv plays with her dinner for some diversion. don’t play with your food, wraith queen. you’re scaring your dinner.

life signs detector!!! ford didn’t get to name the puddlejumpers gateships, but that one stuck, no matter how much “we can name it later” john was trying to throw at it!!!

(god. there’s a ficlet somewhere in there about season 2 john having a moment where he realizes he’s on the hunt for ford using the thing they first discovered together and that ford gave its name.)

getting sidetracked here, but when john and ford find the group of humans caught by the wraith teyla goes “major!” and it makes me think that. well. how are the athosians supposed to know things like “major” and “colonel” are military ranks? what are the chances the pegasus galaxy uses the same designations? (don’t really know how the language thing works here - we’re hopefully not supposed to think they’re all speaking english, are they? i’ve never watched sg1, there’s probably lore about this, i assume. maybe alien titles somehow get perfect translations to earth ones and vice versa.) but i mean, teyla is too smart, she’d have it figured out already even if those words don’t exist in her galaxy, but some athosian somewhere is going to be very confused by this earth tendency to name way too many kids private and lieutenant, and then put all of them into the army. strange, to have your job decided for you at birth like that. earth people are weeeeird.

fjdkl john is like bye, gonna go find colonel sumner all on my own, run if you don’t hear from me in twenty minutes, and ford’s like “you’re the only one who can fly these people out of here” and “i’m saying i should be the one to go, sir” and john, with his savior can’t-leave-anyone-behind-gotta-do-this-personally-or-i-will-literally-die-from-not-almost-dying complex DOES NOT LISTEN to ford’s EXTREMELY ACCURATE objection. which is his right, as ranking officer, but is also a perfect showcase of why john Should Not Ever be in charge of atlantis, and why sam saying he was totally on the shortlist when she takes over command in s4 is funny but frightening if you’re on atlantis and like being alive.

sumner: “we travel through the stargate as peaceful explorers.” FDJKFD. god, that line, from that character, hilarious.

rodney comes to elizabeth full of enthusiasm about all the interesting stuff they’re finding in the city only to find her staring at the empty gate and when she says she should never have let them (the rescue party) go, he sobers up and says awkwardly “for what it’s worth, you made the right decision” and that’s GOOD that’s KIND.

back on the planet with the wraith everyone is running to the jumper while there are wraith darts whizzing through the air and teyla turns back, catches up with ford who was told to cover their six, disarms him (because he was firing at illusions, revealing their position), hands him back his weapon, pulls him in the direction of the puddlejumper, and PUSHES HIM ASIDE when they’re almost scooped up by a wraith dart, and i’m so here for teyla being allowed a moment of heroics that saves specifically ford, guy with a gun, and not a random athosian damsel in distress. teyla is fully on their level. teyla is perhaps above their level. thank you.

that scene at the end of this episode!! in which there’s a sort of party on atlantis and it’s all buzzing and relaxed while the athosians are mingling freely with the expedition members and they’re talking of friendship and ugh. UGH. there’s a better version of sga in an alternate universe where the expedition didn’t decide atlantis was totally theirs, actually, and they cooperate with the people that were already in the galaxy when they came there and learn from sumner’s mistake to actually respect what they have to say and form a single front and teyla takes over as head of the expedition in s4 when there’s a void left by elizabeth’s absence.

final thought that has always haunted me a little: john suddenly becoming the ranking military member on atlantis after sumner’s death is ?? one of those things where i wonder what the sgc was thinking in their personnel assignments. john wasn’t even supposed to BE THERE. if john hadn’t gone and sumner had still died (which was something they should have considered as a possiblitiy! they didn’t know what they were walking into at all! sumner is apparently the type to lead his own missions!), then what exactly would they have done? i don’t know much about how the us military operates but i’ve watched enough mash to have figured out the order of the ranks and it just seems. very odd to me? to take one (1) colonel on this mission and then ZERO lieutenant colonels OR majors (if john hadn’t stumbled his way into it, that is). like, are there any captains on atlantis? (i think there are?) or would ford, a lieutenant, have ended up ranking military member? this is like the surely-they-only-need-a-single-medical-doctor-right thing. WHAT IS THE SGC THINKING.

anyway. this was good. i liked this. i hadn’t rewatched the pilot in a while, and i only just now figured out how much of a while, because there was a bunch in here i didn’t remember. ON TO EPISODE TWO.

[frienderbender]

hey frienderbender is it ok to ask for some lore/information on your magpickles 🥺 I’m very invested in those goods ( off the topic but can I just say I am in LOVE with the way you draw Skwisgaar my heart is just fluttering to fast when I see him 🥺💞 Anyways muah you’re wonderful artist thank you have a lovely day/evening )

oh sure! first off thank you so much for the sweet message! that made my night :'] i love drawing skwisgaar and im glad you like how he looks in my style haha

anyways im assuming youre talking about my general lore for them in the canon timeline, so ill talk about that under the cut

i think they first met some time in the late 80s while pickles was still with snb. they met after a show specifically. magnus introduced himself as a fan, and that was true! but (quick tangent for some general mag thoughts) it brings up something that ive always thought about when i look at mag. magnus definitely gives off the vibe of being the guy who was always just Around in the music scene, especially in the rock and metal scene of this era. like, hes a mysterious dude but he has connections. he will play with random bands sometimes. he knows so many fucking people in this industry (not saying hes friends with all of them though); what im trying to say is. Everyone Has A Magnus Hammersmith Story. hes the type of guy that gets talked about in podcasts decades down the line. ok all that to say he was able to get backstage because he just Knows People. and he introduces himself as a fan blah blah pickles and magnus drink and do some drugs and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if they at the very least made out with each other the first night they met.

so pickles is like, pretty into him right off the bat. magnus was too, but i think on his end INITIALLY he was more just interested in hooking up but they exchange info and keep in touch and all that. so. this is RIGHT before snb implodes. and theyre still meeting up fairly regularly and becoming closer and doing a lot of drugs and drinking a bunch. typical rockstar stuff.

but pickles had been on a steady downward spiral at this point (he was already like this before he met magnus), and in one night snb is no more. having burned all those bridges in his band (for now), pickles turns to his only friend left: magnus. and i think its at this point, when pickles comes to him, wrecked by the dissolution of his band, that magnus kinda starts to realize he might actually feel something for him too? seeing him like this, seeing pickles from fucking snakes n barrels, so raw and real and not at all like the fiery redhead he met that night after their show...it just feels different somehow. like yeah he was attracted to pickles from snakes n barrels, but he realized he had grown to care about pickles from tomahawk wisconsin. he liked that one better, there was no bullshit. no hiding beneath layers of glam makeup and hairspray.

so its the two of them against the world. its the early 90s at this point. on a whim, pickles decides they should leave LA and just drive. wherever. just away from the city because LA fucking sucks. he takes all his money and he and magnus get in his car and just start driving. they end up in florida eventually, because its the other side of the country. or something. they get an apartment, and for a couple of months they live together and its. kinda nice. its different, for sure. but not bad. magnus and pickles both always kinda skirted around the topic of their relationship. they never called the other their boyfriend. but i feel strongly that they did tell each other that they loved the other, once. and they meant it.

so heres where things get tricky for me. how did dethklok form? what was the order? who met who first? i dont know!! i wish i knew! its something i have a million scenarios for and i wish we got a canon order of the members joining at the very least so i can model my headcanons around it haha

with that in mind though, i do think magnus and pickles were a bit of a package deal. like, whoever joined first was able to get the other in. so. yeah. they joined dethklok some time in the early to mid 90s now.

they have a pretty decent few years. theyre still.......something....even in their new band. like they arent open about it and hook up when the other guys arent around and all that.

its around this time though that i think magnus is really starting to go through it. combination of feeling frustrated because of the bands status at this point, general untreated mental health, etc. anyways i think the stabbing incident occurred some time in the mid 90s, probably like '95 or '96 or something. so.....he gets kicked out. obviously. and those are the terms they end on for awhile.........

but uh. you see. pickles never completely cut ties with the dude because. well. what do you do when this happens to someone you care so deeply about. and i think probably a month or so later, magnus actually contacts him for the first time since the stabbing incident. and maybe i have a comic script and thumbnails about this encounter what about it. magnus tells him he wants to see him, so pickles slips out that night to meet up at an old bar they used to go to a lot. may or may not be the depths of humanity uhhh anyway. theyre talking for awhile but it just kinda devolves into honestly more one-sided arguing on pickles end. hes frustrated and sad and confused because fuck! magnus! why would you do that? why, when the bands just starting to take off? it becomes this whole like. you arent the same guy i knew. and in that moment it quietly hits them both that like. we arent who we were, and we dont know what to do about that. magnus asks if pickles would want to join him and leave the band, and pickles tells him to go fuck himself. and thats the last thing he ever said to him.

and thats where the magpickles lore/relationship timeline ends. i realize it really did kinda turn into a timeline but also i did write a timeline during a slow day at work once like two months ago but. anyways. this is basically that.

but uh. yes. i love them. they make me sad but in a good way yknow. its like. its one of those situations where i feel like under different circumstances, they probably couldve made it work in their own weird way. they have such a specific dynamic, whether in their background together in the canon timeline or just me fucking around with AUs and being like hmm what if i actually gave them a scenario where they could have the time to develop AS an actual couple. im rambling but i just love these two so much. this is so long.

i feel strongly they wouldnt get back together in any sort of canon capacity, but i do think they still have feelings for each other in that way you do when you remember people you loved in the past. old friendships that dissolved with no resolution. the person you still have things you want to tell them, even though you know you will never get the chance.

[onslaughtsixdotcom]

Scaling Up Dragon Heist

Around April or May of 2019, I started to run Waterdeep: Dragon Heist, one of the official WotC 5e hardcovers. I’m still not done with it, although that is largely the fault of COVID and my own extensions to the campaign. 

I think Dragon Heist is one of the better 5e modules by WotC. I think it’s got a strong playground for the characters, and Waterdeep has 30+ years of publication history to draw on. The release of the module also heralded in a HUGE amount of third party extension content, including the famous Alexandrian Remix. I hadn’t heard of this before I started running my campaign and having ideas about how to do it, so it didn’t influence me--although I’m sure we came to a lot of similar conclusions and ideas, based on common perceptions of what the actual flaws are of the module.

Still, despite those flaws, I think they help the module rather than hinder it. It gives the DM a shitload of room to improvise and draw in the margins, rather than some other 5e adventures which feel like they can’t be fucked with in the least.

Here’s the kicker: I started my adventure at level 4. We had a pre-existing party that I had run through the classic N1: Against the Cult of the Reptile God. (Fun fact: A map that I drew is the 3rd Google Images result for that. Woah.)

The party spent a few real-world weeks traveling across about 7 days of overland travel where I ran some drop in one shots; including Mike Krahulik’s Dusk (a Twilight parody) and a really fun 2 hour diversion where the players saw an ancient blue dragon take off the roof of a church during a wedding. Then they arrived in my city: Dawnharbour.

I don’t run the Forgotten Realms. I find it not to my taste. Most of the names suck. The lore is invariably boring or weird, and not the fun kind of weird. I was going to run Dragon Heist, and I was going to put it in my own city. I gave the players some justification previously for why they would want to go there: The cleric’s sister had been kidnapped by the Cult of the Reptile God and turned into a Yuanti; a snake person. The bard had stolen a golden statue of the Reptile God and wanted to melt it down and plate his violin with it. I told the cleric that they would need a high level magic user and someone in Dawnharbour could probably help them; ditto the bard needing a highly skilled magical blacksmith. The third player didn’t really care where they went since he was on the run from his home country. So, off to Dawnharbour. They reached level 4 when they got to the city.

I won’t bore you with the rest of the details of my city or everything I changed for the campaign. Instead, I’ll talk up some hard and fast ways to make the adventure work for a higher level party. Most of them revolve around the encounters. I’m assuming the party will start around level 4 or 5.

Chapter 1

The book opens with the players in the Yawning Portal, a famous tavern with a big ass well to a megadungeon underneath. (More on this later.) They’re hanging out doing whatever when a troll and some stirges pop out of the well. The book says that the players get attacked by the stirges while the owner of the bar, a typical Forgotten Realms 15th level Fighter running a fucking bar for a living deals with the troll.

A troll is CR 5. They can handle a troll. If they can’t, you have a bigger problem.

Next up the book leads them to a Zhentarim warehouse. When they get there it’s abandoned and there are (ugh) 3 Kenku. Kenku are like tengu if they sucked. They’re bird people who can only speak in mimickry, like parrots. They can only repeat words they’ve heard before. This is stupid as fuck (especially when a player wants to be one) but more importantly, they are incredibly weak. I think the kenku are just hanging out or they got captured by the Zhentarim who left them there after they bail or something like that. Whatever.

I put the Zhentarim there instead. I put like 20 Zhentarim. I used the Spy statblock; they don’t have a lot of CR and at level 4 or 5, the players are real slice and dicey about killing them. They can basically carve through two of these dudes in a turn. It was *really* fun to just have the players mow down these mooks. They used the 2nd floor to their advantage, casting Grease on the stairs and creating a bottleneck and then picking them off with ranged attacks and spells. I think I might have given the Zhents 1hp and treated them as minions (see 4e). 

I think I had the police show up after they were all dead; someone heard the commotion and called the cops. I think I also put an NPC there; I shuffled around a bunch of the NPCs the module uses. (They got their quest to save Volo from Bigby in the Yawning Portal; instead of finding Volo here, I think they found my equivalent of Renaer Neverremember.) There was a day’s break between this and them going into the sewers in the next part.

The sewer introduces the Xanathar’s minions. I believe a Duergar is actually there and I took this as a sign--I made most of Xanathar’s mooks Duergar, and then decided--this dude is a Beholder and he has a Mindflayer for a lieutenant. The Xanathar’s forces should ALL be classic D&D dungeon monsters, like rust monsters and umber hulks and ropers. This gives you a wide variety of weird shit you can throw at your players at different CR levels, and the idea of a gangster Beholder who thinks hiring a bunch of umber hulks to go shake down a local deli is fucking hilarious. But, it doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Throw some umber hulks or something in this lair. Go nuts--the weirder, the better. Xanathar’s crew should have no qualm about hanging out with a gibbering mouther or a carrion crawler.

Chapter 2

Chapter 2 is the least developed chapter in the book. It also revolved around a bunch of Forgotten Realms faction nonsense that I wanted nothing to do with. I used this time instead to formally introduce the Xanathar, the Cassalanters and Jarlaxle. After they foiled his plans to rig a goldfish competition (think a dog show but for fish), the Xanathar became convinced the players worked for the Zhentarim and invited them to have a sit down about their intentions; if they worked for the Zhents he wanted to formally declare war. The players hated the Zhents--they killed an NPC they liked back during N1, partially to set this all up. Xanny was cool with that.

The Cassalanters were a way to introduce a new player. They call up the Blackstaff to say, hey we have a magic item, can you send a guy here to deliver it? (Magic item possession is illegal on the streets in my setting, but if someone important hires you to transport it, then you can do it. This makes being a courier a very lucrative job; lots of people are just carrying around other people’s stuff for a living.) They almost immediately knock out the new player sent to pick up the item, and replace him with their dofflegagher. The idea was that the dofflegagher player would then infiltrate the Blackstaff’s organization.

Blackstaff is no dumbass and hired a random dude off the street--my new player. Then, Blackstaff hired the rest of the party to go rescue him--mostly as a ruse to snuff out the Cassalanters and get evidence that they were shitty.

When they encountered the Cassalanters, I used a Cambion; one of their servants turned into him. This guy slowly became a recurring lieutenant; he was basically the Goldar for the Cassalanter’s Lord Zedd and Rita Repulsa. At the time, I hadn’t read any lore for Cambions; I’m not particularly concerned with monster lore the way the guys who make the game write it. I literally thumbed through my deck of monsters, saw this winged devil horn dude, and said, “Right on, he looks like he’ll work.” A Cambion is CR5, more than suitable for the encounters the party will have with him over the next few levels. The Fiendish Charm ability is fun and can really fuck with the players; I ruled, of course, that anyone under its affect would obviously be free if the Cambion was killed. Even after it was killed, he just kept on coming back, because he’s from Hell and killing him on this plane doesn’t really do anything.

As the players continue to face the Cassalanters, a go-to seems to be spined devils. This is fine but not very powerful for a level 4, 5, 6 party. Therefore I suggest supplanting it with barbed devils. They’re CR5. Adding one or two of those to an encounter with spined devils can make this a real fun encounter that isn’t too horribly overwhelming, especially if at least one of your martial characters has a magic weapon (which they fucking should; they’re level 5!)

IMO you can also introduce Jarlaxle in this chapter; a fun way is through his Zardoz Zord persona. It could simply be that Jarlaxle knows Volo (or any other NPC the players know) and wants to invite them to a free meal to get to know them. In my game, Jarlaxle operates openly as himself (I found it would just complicate things if he was someone else) and invited the players to his yacht shortly after they met the Xanathar, to formally tell them all about the Vault of Dragons, the Stone, and how everyone they have met in the city is after it.

Chapter 3

I am not the biggest fan of this part of the module. I think nimblewrights and similar creatures are really dumb and don’t fit my D&D world. A lot of the stuff in this chapter is investigation stuff, and you can play that out however you like. It doesn’t drastically need scaling up, though you may have to account for something like Zone of Truth that they might not normally have access to. It also helps if you do the opposite of the book, and make the police a bunch of shitheads who don’t care about the city--this way the players are actually motivated to help. I’ve seen a LOT of posts that open with “the fireball happened and my players shrugged and said they would let the police handle it.” Horrible! The police should either be incompetent, apathetic, or (best case) both. They don’t care who did this and if they did, they wouldn’t be able to catch them. Now it’s completely on the players.

IMO it also helps if you do the leg work to make the NPC someone they actually care about. In the book it’s an NPC they’ve never met but they have a mutual acquaintance through--it would be nice if they get invited to a dinner with this NPC or something similar prior to this. Or, change it to be any NPC they like who you don’t mind killing. Hell, they’re level 5 or 6 at this point--if they got a cleric, they can even cast Revivify and wake the dude up. They could even cast Speak With Dead and immediately find out who blew him up or what he was doing here!

Moving on, there’s the Gralland Villa. I retooled the name to actually sound like a good name; sue me. 

The book has a bunch of Zhents hanging out here. A simple way to make this dramatic and hard is to pull the trigger and make the players fight their way in. The stone is right here at the villa and they need to steal it. Sounds simple enough.

Things got complicated for my party when a recurring NPC appeared. She was an ex girlfriend of the bard in our party; they were both Tieflings. She now worked for the Zhentarim and was basically their second in command. And she was here to steal the stone, come Hell or high water. The bard, still in love with her, was perfectly content to let her steal it and even cover her getaway. The rest of the players, not so much, but when the chaos was ensuing and she was literally running past them with the stone in hand, made the decision that it was smarter to try and help her escape and then figure out how to get the stone from her later, than try and get it from her now.

This led literally directly to chapter 4.

Chapter 4

By now it’s obvious: I used all 4 bad guys.

I ran through the chapter and picked the coolest maps and best encounter ideas, including the rooftop chase, the theater, the sewer and the courthouse. I weaved them together carefully, and all the changes I had made to the groups paid off when they entered the theater, chased by barbed devils and our Cambion friend, only to have an Umber Hulk with the Xanathar’s logo painted on his face crash through the stage, flanked by two Duergar. Add in some Drow gunslingers and it was a fucking party.

(the large hexagon is where somebody cast Darkness; the big scuffed circle is a grody spot on my grid tiles. I still need new ones...)

The courthouse had a great scene where the Cassalanter dofflegagher impersonated the chief of police, interrogating the players for the code word to activate the stone (I added one; who cares?) until the real chief of police showed up! The players had to do an entire encounter with this guy while handcuffed; thank god for verbal only spells, right? 

From here the stone ended up with the players, and then it ended up with Jarlaxle who they are working for. Jarlaxle attuned to it and told them the Vault of Dragons is inside Undermountain; 3, 5 levels deep? Who knows? And it requires 3 keys: The Crown of Asmodeus, the Ring of Winter, and the Robe of the Archmagi.

I gave these 3 magic items to the Cassalanters, the Xanathar and Manshoon. This is a pretty common hack and it means the lairs in the book actually get used. I made up one of the magic items (Crown of Asmodeus) and stole another from a module I don’t intend to run as written (the Ring of Winter is, I believe, in either Tomb of Annihilation or Storm King’s Thunder). They’re fun!

So the rest of the campaign has been the players bouncing between going deep into Undermountain, the megadungeon underneath the Yawning Portal, and going to the 3 different villain factions to steal their shit. 

The villain lairs are NOT statted for level 5 players AT ALL. The players have no hope of actually killing ANY of the villains at level 5; to fight the Xanathar is a pure TPK at level 5. But at level 8, like where my players are now? One of them died and then got Revivified; the others all survived or made their saves when they were hit by death or disintegration. (In the spirit of the Xanathar, I rolled every eye beam randomly, rerolling if I had used that ray in the last round.) That’s about the best you can hope for with a Beholder IMO! 

The rest of the lairs you can mostly run as-is. Any very low CR mooks, basically anything lower than 1 or 2 CR, I would probably replace with a higher CR variant. We’ve already discussed what you can replace them with above, and if you’ve made it this far into the module, you should have a pretty good sense of what your players can handle.

[ryttu3k]

Part 2 of my season 12 reaction posts! Find part 1 (Resolution of the Daleks to Fugitive of the Judoon) here!

Praxeus

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Praxeus!

OKAY FIRST. THANK YOU, SHOW, FOR FIXING A BIG ISSUE I HAD WITH THE FIRST SEASON. So they were doing a thing where they’d introduce incidentally queer characters, have a female character mention her wife, stuff like that, only for them to die. This episode had Jake and Adam, married/separated/it’s complicated couple, who face huge amounts of danger, who both come close to dying, but who survive! And have a Big Damn Kiss! And walk off together holding hands! They survived!!

Plotwise, I enjoyed it a ton while watching, although in retrospect it did feel a bit free of danger. The companions were never in true peril because the Doctor can home in on them automatically, and we never got the true scale of the risk of infection, since the only people we saw get infected were in isolated areas. I would have liked to see, for instance, the threat of Praxeus spreading beyond just the very Hitchcockian birds; all of the peril was on an individual level.

Good message, if unsubtle. Mind you, that’s kind of Doctor Who’s thing, and it pisses off conservatives, so all for it, really XD (They must have loved the core relationship in this episode, too!) Like. Subtle doesn’t work. There are literally climate change deniers that exist. Sometimes you actually do have to tell a message with all the finesse of a sledgehammer because .

(Side note, I was deeply concerned when I saw the cowriter was the guy who did the hot mess that was Kerblam!, so at least this was just an unsubtle and kind of questionably written story instead of an actively harmful one.)

The companions: Ryan seems a fair bit more confident on his own? His initial scenes with Gabriela showed that he’s starting to work well even without backup, and picking up the bird proved to be a damn good call. Yaz and Graham were a fun pair, and Yaz got a lot to do when she and Gabriela (again!) got to explore, and I can definitely understand the conflict between curiosity/doing what’s right and safety when it came to the teleport scene. She does seem to be bordering on the reckless. Intriguing!

Minor plot snag - Graham knows how to set up an IV, presumably because of the shitload of time he spent in hospital! …And yet he doesn’t know what a pathogen is?

Friend note!

“fun fact about graham seemingly not knowing what a pathogen is! in my reading of the scene, i saw it as graham knowing what one was. with "Well, I’m glad you asked that…!” he seems like he’s actually sort of pleased with himself, like he’s about to launch into an explanation, and then IIRC there’s a very brief shot at Ryan giving him a Look and Graham immediately changes tone to “…cause I didn’t want to look stupid.” he immediately changes from boosting his own ego to bolstering ryans and im love"

In which case, good shit gooood shit.

SFX - the infection was creepy as shit. The very obviously puppet bird near the lab was hilariously bad.

Apparently the filming was tricky because it was super windy so all the shorts of Thirteen with her hair Like That weren’t planned, it just kind of happened. Love a fluffy ruffled Thirteen.

So anyway. People calling for more plot focus - literally this is the Doctor trying to distract herself and not focus on the plot! This is her avoidance tactic! Emotional honesty? Who’s she? She’ll get back to it eventually, but for now she needs a distraction after being punched in the emotions. Give her that for one episode, c'mon.

Ryan: “…I do a lot of running.”

Graham: “Whatever is giving off those weird readings… is on the other side of that wall!” Yaz: *silently turns scanner around* Graham, not skipping a beat: “…is on the other side of that door!”

Yaz: “I don’t want you to panic, but… we followed one of those things through a teleport and now I think we’re on an alien planet.” Thirteen: “…well, you don’t do things by halves!”

Thirteen: “That’s why you smell of dead bird! I thought you’d changed your shower gel.”

Thirteen: “I’m having half a thought. Ooh, this one tickles!”

Thirteen: “What can I say? I’m a romantic~”

In conclusion, Doctor Who said gay rights.

-

Can You Hear Me?

Thoughts on Doctor Who - Can You Hear Me?

Trigger warning for discussion of depression and suicide.

You know you're in for a wild ride when iView warns for horror themes instead of science fiction themes.

Overall: at first impression, it felt sort of mashed together? There's 14th century Aleppo, and there's 21st century Sheffield, and there's a deep space station, and there's creepy monsters and dream villains; I do kind of wonder why Zellin targeted a random girl in Aleppo as source for his pet monster, although targeting people like Ryan's best friend makes sense if he's deliberately trying to lure the Doctor to him.

The theme, on the other hand, of mental health resiliance and reaching out, was done incredibly well. Oh yeah there'll be more comments about it - the Guardian described it as 'adventures in Wokeness' - but damn, sometimes you need to hear it. I loved getting more of Yaz' backstory, about being a desperate teenage runaway at the point of being suicidal, and her reunion with the older woman legitimately made me tear up.

But like, goddamn. Her nightmare - she's still hearing that. She's still hearing her sister saying that she should "do it right this time" and that this time she won't call and that no one is coming and holy fuck. God this makes so many of Yaz' scenes incredibly painful in retrospect, knowing that she was at that point only three years before and that she's still dreaming that shit! It makes her recklessness terrifying!

Ryan's nightmare, and his experience with Tibo - it's quite reflective of the Doctor, too. She wasn't there, and Gallifrey burnt. And Ryan is realising this now, and really thinking about the potential future in Orphan 55. I think this is absolutely foreshadowing Ryan leaving at the end of the season (there's been a lot of speculation given Tosin's new TV role), and I think Ryan and Yaz' discussion at the end of the episode was a definite hint in the direction of Ryan choosing to going back to Earth.

Would have really liked Graham, during his talk with the Doctor, to gently remind her that she can talk about her own problems, although I can understand the narrative choice on why she didn't (although, yeah, would have been good for Graham to ask). Because, yeah, if anyone needs a sympathetic ear (...sans fingers) or a shoulder to lean on, it's her!! The entire theme of this episode was like... reaching out. Conquering your fears with the help of others. Sharing your fears to lessen them. Getting help. And the Doctor deliberately... not doing that makes it into an actual Thing that I think is going to seriously be addressed by the end of the season.

It's been such an ongoing theme. A bunch of episodes have started with an obviously depressed Doctor. The Fam has tried to raise the issue multiple times and have discussed it amongst themselves even more. Scenes like Yaz' reaction after being abducted in Spyfall (...which makes her, "I thought I was dead" part even more worrying) and being comforted by Ryan, not the Doctor... her whole reaction to Graham being like, "I'm glad you talked to me but I literally can't do the same in return" - if it's not addressed by the end of this season, it's at least going to have to be an ongoing theme, because it's becoming very deliberate now.

An interesting note: the actor who played Zellin (an immortal manipulator of nightmares) also voiced the Remnants (who were the first to mention the Timeless Child in The Ghost Monument). Coincidence or deliberate?

Assorted thoughts:

"I'm still quite socially awkward." There's socially awkward and there's emotionally repressed... (I saw a description of it on Tumblr as 'weaponised dissociation' and... yeah. And also yikes.) Also the way she was so closed in on herself, basically hugging her arms to her body! On a semi-related note, talking to herself in Aleppo was a bit depressing. Like it's continuing the theme of The Doctor Does Not Like Being Alone.

The finger thing - ew ew ew ew it's in their EARS ewww D:

Stylistic comment: the traditionally-styled animation for the Immortals' game was gorgeous.

"Try not freak out, yeah, but you're on a floating space platform trapped in a gravitational pull between two colliding planets."

"Thanks for lending a helping hand!" Companions just being, "...Doctor p l s."

On an old lore note, loved the callback to Eternals, Guardians, and the Toymaker! On a concerning note, man, the Doctor has so many issues with immortals. They abandoned Jack, there was the punishment they gave the Family of Blood, they had those Issues with Ashildr (from what I've read), now this, an eternal punishment with no chance of redemption, perhaps because she knows what immortality does? Parallels with the Doctor as quasi-immortal too, which Zellin even pointed out.

"You're wrong about humans. They're not pathetic. They're magnificent. They live with their fears, doubts, guilt. They face them down everyday and they prevail. That's not weakness. That's strength. That's what humanity is."

(Contrast: "That's what humanity is." The Doctor isn't human. She's not prevailing against her fears, doubts, and guilt.)

In conclusion, literally everyone but the creepy immortals needs a hug.

-

The Haunting of Villa Diodati

Thoughts on Doctor Who - The Haunting Of Villa Diodati!

tfw you think you're just going to get a nice spoopy historical and instead get major plot?

Overall impression: Well, Jack is going to be pretty miffed, given that the Doctor had to do precisely what he didn't want to happen - giving the Lone Cyberman what it wanted. To save Shelley, and also to save the future, although that does bring up the question on if the death of one person can rewrite the future, why doesn't that apply to literally everyone? Fletcher the valet and Elise the nurse died too, do their deaths have the same impact? Either way, the Doctor takes the Cyberium for herself - then realises that the Cybermen are inevitable, and returns it. And now she's trying to go and stop them. So... a bit conflicting in the message there, I think.

Yeah. Bit of a Trolley Problem there.

The characters were really fun. I did enjoy seeing Mary's sense of morbidness, but also her kindness and sympathy towards the Cyberman; you can see the foundations of Frankenstein there. I'm seeing some criticism of how Byron was portrayed as a coward, but eh. Nice little callback to Ada. Also I love how one of the rules was 'no one snog Byron'. Put that dirty boy back, you don't know where he's been! Glad Claire realised that too, although historically, she was already pregnant with his daughter at that point (and that didn't go well at all)... Either way. Good display of all these bright young reckless things.

(And yes, they were young. Byron was the eldest at 28. Shelley was 23, Polidori was 20, Mary and Claire were just 18. And while Claire lived to 80 and Mary to her 50s, the three men all died young, too - Byron at 36, Shelley at 29 - yes, from drowning, Polidori at just 25. Also wasn't mentioned that Polidori also created something on that Dark And Stormy Night along with Mary's Frankenstein - he wrote The Vampyre, the first modern vampire story!)

The Lone Cyberman (and I am deliberately using that instead of 'Ashad') - creepy as shit. Not just the whole Frankenstein look, but the way he acted! Not emotionless and blank, but actively manipulative and sadistic! Mary showed empathy and he actively threw it back in her face! I mean, yikes.

House was terrific and also spooky as hell. (Am lowkey miffed that no one went "VIBE CHECK!") The jumbled layout was quite Castrovalva, and I actually really dig that Graham got to see some actual ghosts. Ghostly sandwiches!

I think we got actual confirmation here that Yaz does have feelings for the Doctor? (Bleeding Cool News is pretty sure that it was for Ryan, but... lmao no.) BBCA twitter certainly thinks so!

Claire: "His answers only increase the enigma." Yaz: "I know someone like that." Claire: "This enigmatic person of yours... would you trade them for reliable and dull?" Yaz: "My person's a bit different..."

I MEAN.

(It got deleted. So. There is that.)

Thirteen: "Hmm. Fourteenth... no. Fifteenth century... touch more umami." (Doctor, have you been playing Detroit: Become Human again?)

Mary: "I don't think they're really from the colonies!" Byron: "No, she... is from somewhere much, much stranger." Polidori: "The North."

Thirteen: "YOU HAD ONE JOB."

Cyberman: "You appear courageous. But your vital signs betray a heightened state of anxiety." Thirteen: "Or as I like to call it... Tuesday."

Thirteen: "Yeah, 'cause sometimes this team structure isn't flat. It's mountainous, with me at the summit, in the stratosphere, alone. Left to choose. Save the poet, save the universe. Watch people burn now, or tomorrow. Sometimes even I can't win."

Claire: "You pursued Mrs Doctor without a care for my presence, belittled my thoughts and opinions... and then proceeded to use my person as a human shield." Byron: "...And?" Claire: "And the spell is broken... my lord." Polidori's face: "haha you fucked up dude"

Next week: Shit Hits The Fan.

-

Ascension of the Cybermen

In lieu of a proper post for Ascension of the Cybermen, here are a list of questions we need an answer for.

Will Graham and Yaz survive, on a giant carrier full of Cybermen?

Who is Brendan, and what is his relevance to the story?

What is the Boundary?

How is Gallifrey in the Boundary?

How was the Master in Gallifrey, and not trapped by the Kasaavin?

Who is Ko Sharmus and why am I getting Yana vibes?

Who is Ashad and what is his story? (And why is his theme such a literal banger?)

Is he an actual Cyberman? Because I'm totally getting this impression he's human in armour?

How did Brendan survive being shot, and why did his non-ageing father and mentor do that?

Why did it look like a chameleon arch?

Is Ethan's tech-savvy just warzone familiarity or something more sinister?

Are there any other large human populations left?

Was I detecting a hint of romantic tension between Graham and Ravio?

What's up with Yaz?

Why did the Cyberium get sent to that time period?

Who or what is this alliance Jack is a part of?

How do the Time Lords and the lie of the Timeless Child come into it?

WHO THE FUCK IS BRENDAN?

-

The Timeless Children

WELL THEN.

While I gather proper thoughts on The Timeless Children, here are the questions I had from Ascension of the Cybermen, now with answers!

Will Graham and Yaz survive, on a giant carrier full of Cybermen?

Yup! Disguises for the win!

Who is Brendan, and what is his relevance to the story?

Brendan is a filtered overlay memory of one of the Doctor's former lives.

What is the Boundary?

An anomaly, as far as I can tell.

How is Gallifrey in the Boundary?

No idea!

How was the Master in Gallifrey, and not trapped by the Kasaavin?

No idea!

Who is Ko Sharmus and why am I getting Yana vibes?

A big damn hero.

Who is Ashad and what is his story? (And why is his theme such a literal banger?)

We're still not actually sure. Either way, he's an action figure now.

Is he an actual Cyberman? Because I'm totally getting this impression he's human in armour?

Yeah, sort of.

How did Brendan survive being shot, and why did his non-ageing father and mentor do that?

Because Time Lords.

Why did it look like a chameleon arch?

It's probably related technology! If the chameleon arch rewrites memories, this one just wipes them.

Is Ethan's tech-savvy just warzone familiarity or something more sinister?

Just warzone familiarity. Poor li'l bean.

Are there any other large human populations left?

Possibly! If the Boundary really did send them to random places, there still could be surviving pockets elsewhere in the universe.

Was I detecting a hint of romantic tension between Graham and Ravio?

Maybe a bit XD And now they're all on Earth, who knows?

What's up with Yaz?

Who knows?

Why did the Cyberium get sent to that time period?

Ko Sharmus sent it. Didn't send it far enough.

Who or what is this alliance Jack is a part of?

Same organisation Ko Sharmus is part of. Also, young!Ko Sharmus/Jack please.

How do the Time Lords and the lie of the Timeless Child come into it?

In so many ways.

WHO THE FUCK IS BRENDAN?

The Doctor!

More thoughts later!

-

Thoughts on Doctor Who - The Timeless Children.

...Actually, first thought is the title. Timeless Children? Hmm.

Anyway. That is... sure a literally mind-blowing revelation for the Doctor, yes! Like, damn, the discovery that you're not even the species you thought you were, that your adoptive parent spent lifetimes abusing and experimenting on you, that your memories were routinely erased by people you thought you could trust (including your adoptive parent), that you're literally the progenitor for your entire species, that you've lost who knows how much time and who knows how many memories... yeah. Damn.

What's an appropriate birthday present for someone turning ten million?

Also, huh. Amidst all the old lore and casual mentions (like Borusa!) that got mentioned - were they taking hints from the Cartmel master plan? About the Doctor being some kind of founding figure for Gallifrey? Not exactly written as Cartmel had it, but that big main concept of the Doctor as a sort of... foundation piece of Time Lord culture was still actually there.

Brain of Morbius Doctors confirmed, I guess. I guess even Four was going, "...the fuck?"

Cybermen = still scary. Regenerating Cybermen = felt somehow obscene. Like, no, that's just fundamentally not right. Like the TARDIS responding to Jack by noping the fuck out kind of not right. God. And the Master was completely and utterly magnificently batshit, like, more than usual, come on, dude, you know they'd kill or convert you the second you turned your back.

Still. Deeply, deeply entertaining to watch just from a villain perspective, completely Chaotic, and like... I do understand where he was coming from? His entire life is a lie. His entire life is because of the Doctor, who, I think it's fair to say, he has Complicated Feelings regarding. (Their entire interaction this episode was a giant power play. Like damn guys just get into BDSM and leave the would-be genocide and universal takeover.)

Tecteun = Rassilon, I'm assuming. Goddamn. Like they were a pompous abusive asshole from the outset, this just kind of makes it worse. I also wonder if Rassilon chose the Master specifically to get the drums because he was friends with the Doctor? That actually may have been something the Master worked out himself, too. I mean, I'd be pissed off as well :-\

Also, how many people know about this? I assume Gat knew, since she was implied to be responsible for the mind wipes, but was it like... a super tightly-held secret or was it something a lot of higher-ups knew? Because that's fucked up tbh

Thought on the Master. Okay, he's hugely furious that he's been lied to, that the entire origin of his people is based on a lie, that his greatest friendrivalloveenemy is incredibly special and that a part of her is in him and not in the fun way, but like... I'm also wondering if he's looking at the Time Lords, the way they turned him into their puppet, how they drove him insane for their own purposes, then looked at the Doctor - someone who has also been used, abused, experimented on, manipulated, controlled, and went, "No. This is an injustice and the Time Lords need to be punished for it."

Oh, saw a nice theory regarding the TARDISes - Ruth!Doctor had the original busted police box TARDIS. When she was eventually taken in to be mind-erased, they sent the TARDIS off to storage to be eventually repaired. The Doctor manages to steal that one, goes to Earth, and it immediately gets stuck again because it's still broken. Explains how Ruth!Doctor can have the police box while also being pre-everything.

I really want the Doctor and Jack to sit down and have a nice chat about being timeless undying constants of the universe. Also for Jack to get one of the spare TARDISes around. Be kinda funny if he got the Master's old one, given the Year That Never Was, but it really is just sitting there. (Poor TARDIS stuck as a tree on a random wartorn planet in the far future, though!)

Also, Jodie was fucking magnificent in this episode. The hurt, the absolute fury, the almost glee when she's telling the Master he can't break her, her refusal to press the button at the end (so much like Nine's "coward or killer?" moment!)... just... so good.

Beautiful post I saw here on Tumblr - the Doctor as the Timeless Child, making the choice to help.

Amazing post here on Tumblr about abuse and repressed memories. Even if the Doctor doesn't remember it all, the abuse they underwent at the hands of a beloved parent figure still informs a hell of a lot of their behaviour, but it doesn't define them. The Doctor's need to run = informed by abuse. The Doctor's desire to help crying children = informed by abuse. The Doctor being an inherently good person = being their own person, no matter what their upbringing, no matter what their past was. They made the choice to be the Doctor, and that's a hell of an important thing.

Extremely painful post I saw on Tumblr about the Doctor being 'hip with the kids' by calling her companions her Fam but hell if they're not more family to her than her actual adoptive mother ow my heart.

Also, the scene between Yaz and Graham was so sweet <3 I do want to see Yaz, at some point, admit that sometimes she's so terrified she can barely move, and to tell him what she came so close to doing when she was sixteen, and Graham to just go, "Yeah, but you keep going." Also I'm trying not to think about how Yaz would respond to the Doctor going off on a suicide mission when Yaz was suicidal just three years earlier because ow my heart. She knows that Ko Sharmus went after her, she knows the Doctor might be alive, but either way, she's just seen someone she loves leave with the intention of dying (and Ko Sharmus too, actually). Someone please give her a hug. Actually please just let the Fam have a big group hug in general.

"Have you ever been limited by who you were before?" "Huh. Now that does sound like me talking."

So, remaining questions to be answered next season!

What actually is the Doctor? Since they were found near the Boundary, they could be from anywhere. It's fair to say they now are recognised genetically as a Time Lord, but what were they originally, why were they abandoned in the first place, and are there any more of their original people out there?

How do the Remnants know about the Timeless Child, or were they just picking up on that unconscious knowledge from the Doctor's own mind?

Like... we're generally under agreement that the Master, the eternal cockroach, survived, right? Despite definitely being lowkey suicidal like oh, was hoping the Death Particle would kill me? Like the Death Particle was made by the Cyberium, it could have gone, "Nah, keeping this one."

What's going on with the Kasaavin? Remember them? Still out there, stationed all through time and space? And are we going to see Daniel Barton again?

Is something going on with Yaz?

Will the Fam stay on? (I personally think Ryan will elect to stay on Earth to account for Tosin Cole's new TV role, and if Graham and Ravio enter a relationship, he might too.)

When will we see Jack again? If he was connected to the Lone Cyberman arc, that seems... pretty conclusively finished, unless we're going to learn more about it?

Is it Christmas yet?

............so the Christmas/NY special is going to start with Jack using his vortex manipulator to bust the Doctor out of prison and get back to the Fam and it'll never be mentioned again, right.

"At least buy me diNNER!!"

[waveridden]

seb townsend?

i am going to assume you meant either seb or mike and this was a mistake, or possibly you do not know blaseball and have successfully reverse-engineered these two names from my posts without realizing that it is two characters. but i am stalling homework so you will get both characters. tossing under a cut just bc it’s long as hell

sebastian telephone

favorite thing about them

he’s a NICE BOY... he’s very excited and cool and happy to be here and he’s just like. the kind of person you enjoy spending time around

least favorite thing about them

fucked up that he died twice. that shouldn’t happen

favorite moment

i actually do not know enough about steaks lore/etc to have one although i will say the moment in hall stars where he got incinerated again was one of the most devastating things i have ever experienced

brOTP

jess obviously and i especially think we as a fandom need to zoom in more on the fact that the seb telephone from season 4 on is from another dimension because can you imagine being jess telephone and spending your whole life with your brother weaker than you and relying on you and then one day he’s replaced by someone who’s almost exactly the same but not quite. i think that would be horrible. also it’s fucked up that he was never on the team at the same time as allison because i feel like they could be a really good “someone will die” “of fun!” pair

OTP

townseb because it’s the world’s saddest concept. you know what the timeline is like? sebastian gets reality-swapped in the season 4 elections. that means they get two seasons where they can spend time together, and then mike is in the shadows and seb gets incinerated about three months later. and then mike is out of the shadows during hall stars, and then seb gets incinerated again instead of getting released. it’s all about the timing and the almost-maybe-what-if of it all it’s about the stars never quite aligning but they keep trying anyways

nOTP

i don’t really have one? i mean i’m no expert but i have seen seb/conner haley and i would love for someone to like. explain that to me. because based on my knowledge level (ie wiki pages) i don’t get it

random headcanon

he’s actually a really good cook? like not a Professional Chef but makes a mean carbonara, that kind of a thing.

unpopular opinion

i see him listed as one of the “Main Characters Of Blaseball” a whole bunch and it’s like. he’s not. it’s nice that you think he is but i disagree with you. (i mean also i think part of the fun of blaseball is there are no Main Characters other than, like, jaylen and jess and maybe landry, but i digress)

song i associate with them

i truly don’t know but cola made a townseb playlist and i have been thinking about parallel universe by clara benin for a week now so i’m going with that

favorite picture of them

i don’t know about “favorite” but this made me cry for like five minutes the other day so it’s top of mind

#

#

mike townsend

favorite thing about them

mike townsend is the kind of guy who will help you move into your new apartment. not because you’re, like, friends with him, but because you needed an extra pair of hands and he’s around. he’s genuinely just happy to be here. he’s just like... a fundamentally decent person.

least favorite thing about them

he’s such a fucking pushover. grow a spine michael

favorite moment

the first time he retreated into the shadows and absolutely nobody knew what to do or how to handle it. also this is less of a moment and more just a thing i enjoy but i think it’s SO funny that there’s lore about how he can strike out jessica telephone. like that’s the one thing he can do and that rules

brOTP

i know a lot of people go in for mike/jaylen as good friends and i think that’s very good, and i enjoy mike and lenny a lot. but i am here to make the case for allison abbott, who always kind of pushed him around (as a joke) and took him for granted (he’s a very nice guy) and then suddenly he was gone? and oh shit it feels kind of mean that they kept calling him a disappointment and a fuck-up and making jokes about how bad he was? and as soon as mike was out of the shadows she called him and was like. hey i was kind of a dick to you and i think it was in a bad way, can we try and be better friends now

OTP

once again i love townseb, and i think tillsend is pretty good, but i think like... okay. i was trying to explain to someone recently that part of the appeal of tillman/mike/declan is that they are all kind of dirtbags but they are different kind of dirtbags. but also i think mike/declan are very compatible dirtbags and it’s a truly underrated dynamic

nOTP

mmmmm not sure i think you could sell me on a lot of ships with mike in them. although i do think he’s gay as hell

random headcanon

only drinks coffee because everyone else does. if he’s left to his own devices this man has two modes and they’re water and red bull

unpopular opinion

i think he should be allowed to be mad at jaylen? like not necessarily Bitter Enemies or anything but i think there is a little bit of tension inherent to that relationship like. speaking personally if i gave up my life and existence for someone and then that person killed a bunch of people and scattered my friends across the country, i might have a hard time picking up a normal friendly relationship with them

song i associate with them

i mean all the garages songs. is that a copout

favorite picture of them

i am incredibly fond of this art of mike and jaylen

[attemptingthoughtfulness]

...this is worthless, I’m rambling and procrastinating. Sorry ‘bout that.

(minor spoilers for Naruto and Detective Conan as well as major spoilers for Magic Kaito and... Avengers Endgame?)

I’m procrastinating, don’t mind me. And during that time of procrastination I have been watching a show I used to watch when I was like 12 or 13, so it’s been a while. And even though that show has some obvious flaws - flaws I will be writing about in a bit - it find myself liking it. So why?

Magic Kaito is a spin-off show of the much bigger Detective Conan anime, which was actually my first anime ever and one of the few memories I have from age 0-4. I actually went onto the wiki and looked up the episode, which was a lot harder than you can imagine: episode 282 which features (for that show anyway) rather graphic imagery of a bloody corpse and like blood in showers and stuff. I don’t know if I just randomly watched the most traumatizing episodes of animes or - which is far more likely - I just remember them darker thant they were but the Naruto episode right afterwards was the one where Gaara tries to murder Lee at the Chunin exams which is also a rather dark episode. (I know, it doesn’t really matter but that was season 3 episode 58 of the original Naruto series). I bet you could find out the exact day and station that I was watching because there’s virtually no way those two episodes would ever follow each other more than once.

I guess that’s not what it’s really about but Detective Conan was probably one of the core animes I watched when I was younger because it was well known and free online. It was also the one that got me into doing QCs for subtitles (funny story, since I had been a QC for a while and seen the really bad mistakes some translators did, I actually applied for the “job” of a translator, that was mere months before I wrote my Cambridge Certificate exam which I, not to brag, passed with C2, and I had been rejected, which probably fed into my fear of rejection but is also  very funny retrospectively.)

I don’t like Detective Conan that much, it’s a fun episodic detective story that has a very, very thin overarching plot and is probably only ever end when the writers don’t have ideas for crimes anymore. And Magic Kaito suffers from its bigger sibling immensely. In case you don’t know, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, Magic Kaito tells the story of a character that occasionally appears in Detective Conan - a thief who is also a magician (which is quite frankly the best pairing I have ever seen, it’s such a good idea!). Kaito is the son of one of the biggest magicians ever who gets killed in a mysterious accident. One day he finds out that his dad was the thief in the moonlight Kaito Kid and murdered by a mysterious organization - who he now tries to lure out of hiding to protect his father’s legacy and put them in jail.. or something? I mean, there is some revenge fantasy implied, but he’s also like 17 and it’s a children’s anime, so he probably doesn’t want to kill them. Anyway, the way he does it is dressing himself up as Kaito Kid to attract those criminals. And that’s the entire premise of a 24 episodes anime.

Before we get into anything, here some in-universe lore that has been stuck in my mind since 13. My favourite thing about Kid is that his name was also “master thief 1412″, the number being the police file number, but if you write the numbers in a certain way it looks like the word “Kid”, a name given him by Shinichi Kudo’s father (meaning Conan’s father). And both Conan’s and Kaito’s fathers knew each other and were aquantances that respected each other? Like, Conan’s mom went to Kaito’s dad for acting training and stuff which is how his dad figured out that he was Kaito Kid. And when her training ended Conan’s dad gave her a card to give Kaito’s dad with an exclaimationpoint - which was an answer to a card he had previously given him with a question mark. Excuse me if my speech is unclear, I am just nostalgic.

Okay, let’s get started: the series suffers from weak characters and the introduction of too many ideas. That’s it. To get the first thing out of the way: if you make an anime about a spin off character and the main character of the main show keeps showing up that means you don’t trust your spin off to stand on its own feet. I love appearances of in universe characters of other shows, I love the MCU, but imagine if Iron Man kept popping up in Jessica Jones. I mean, he can’t because he’s dead but still. Or Aang keept being part of The Legend of Korra. From 24 episodes, Conan/Shinichi is a major character in 4 of them and is also kinda important in another one. That does not really speak of confidence about your series’ characters which is fair considering it got rebooted. Also, every episode starts with Kaito Kid “opening commentary” the episode before the curtain opens and the actual thing starts - and it also ends with Kid shortly commenting on it and bowing in the end which more often than not features the phrase “I will keep entertaining you if you wish so.”, which is a kinda funny meta commentary of the creator’s being painfully aware of their situation.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are really good scenes and funny moments; the one that made me laugh was when Kid hasn’t stolen anything for like three months and since Kaito still goes to high school his friend is kinda disappointed and he thinks: “Who do you think I am? A weekly manga magazine?”, which is already funny but literally a few miliseconds afterwards his friend goes: “Oh, I know why he hasn’t stolen anything for so long! He’s dead!” and he falls off his chair. These jokes wouldn’t be fun on their own but their close proximity to each other makes them work so well. I’m like 70% sure this happened to Gosho Aoyama at some point Over all there is a lot of very good imagery, the magic tricks and heists are fun and often times we have parallel’s, call backs and very well fitting juxtapositions, but over all there’s just a bunch of not-great going on, which I will list now:

1. The Jukebox and the Poker Face: The entire show is also framed by this jukebox Kaito’s dad has left him which has 24 disk and an appendix playing some advice that is tangentially related to the episode. And what more often than not gets repeated is that “he should not forget his poker face”, which, yeah, seems like generally good advice for a magician but... why? It doesn’t serve narrative purpose at all. There is no theme or deeper meaning in the show? The idea of a poker face doesn’t even gets touched on outside of the first episode? Like, otherwise he never breaks his pokerface and there’s like no tension between his real self and the poker face which might as well be a metaphor for Kaito vs. his thief persona. I dunno, am I reading too much into this - why poker face?! Further more, because the jukebox only has 25 audio tracks in total and they play every time Kaito is up to a heist, it kinda feels like he doesn’t do anything in between the episodes? Like, if he listens to that juke box chronologically, which seemed implied, he has only gone to like 25 heists in total which.. is fine for real life statistics but doesn’t really make sense since there is no sense of time in that universe and it just feels like he’s done a lot more?

2. Magic: Yupp, in a universe with a magician reliant on smart tricks and improvisation like a magician on stage there are witches with actual magic. There is actual magic introduced to a world that has previously never had magic before and, believe it or not, magic has no purpose at all. Actually, it does kinda come up in three episodes and they do some really fun stuff the first time with the idea that an illusionist wants to trick and entertain an audience, change their hearts which has different if not more value than actual magic changing the people themselves. Really cool stuff. Would be a shame if the writers wouldn’t know how to go from there and it never comes up again.

3. Super weak as fuck characters outside of Kaito: There are, in total six characters that are not Conan which switch up being the focus of an episode. The witch that practises afor mentioned actual magic is this archetype of a seductress who uses love spells to make boys like her and because her magic doesn’t work on Kaito Kid, she’s like super into him. First, she wants to kill him because she detests his trickery but then she just kinda wants to bang him? And that’s her entire character. Then there is a detective. I didn’t even bother learning his name because he’s the “main challenge” for the first episode he appears and then just kinda stands next to the police officer occasionally to drop observations for exposition or tell Kid something he doesn’t know. I mean, you cannot introduce another high school detective into a universe that whose main character is literally a high school detective. It was as if Jessica Jones kept having Iron Man and another random play boy billionaire with a weird robot suit. There just hast to be a better character than that? Make it a very smart police officer, just anything else. It feels like most of the characters are mostly window dressing and there is just no emotional arc to them whatsoever - they’re treated like most side characters that get shown something by Kaito Kid, have a change of heart and never appear again - with the exception that they are on screen. Constantly. Doing nothing at all.

4.The last two episodes: They’re probably the worst. So, there is this “new magician-thief in town and his name is Kaito Corbeau” and he’s kind of the antithesis of Kaito Kid, dressing in the same suit but in black and probably like a joke on the fact that Kaito Kid is a magician who uses doves which are white and crows are black? I mean, it’s fun but the mirror doesn’t really work that much because the words “Kid” and “Corbeau” don’t mirror each other and Kaito Kid rarely uses doves. But I get the point, A for effort, I guess. Anyway, so. Corbeau who looks suspiciously much like Kaito’s dad and apparently knows something about his death, then challenges Kaito to a duel of thieves also being a magician asks him to solve the mistery of how he will steal some precious gem. By the end of the first episode of the two-parter, Corbeau has stolen the gem and Kaito walks home wondering how he did it. As he comes home the lights of his house are turned on, which is weird since he lives alone because his dad is dead and his mother is always travelling the world. But that unexpected visitor turns out to be his mother and my first reaction was... really? No, they would not be doing such a stupid thing, right? Nah, that’s probably a red herring. No way she’s Corbeau. (Spoiler: she’s Corbeau.) And she asks him “if he really wants to do this? If he doesn’t want to become a magician in Vegas or anything?”, which is a reasonable question from a mother: do you really want to be a thief and hunt some criminals who might as well kill you like your da? But it’s also kind of a stupid one because it is absolutely reasonable that he definitely wants to do that and that there is no grain of doubt in his mind that he does. And that is ultimately the problem of the last two episodes: they’re about testing Kid’s commitment which fails on a bunch of levels. The first one being: there is never a struggle on the side of Kid at all. He never doubts himself, Corbeau isn’t even that big of a challenge, considering he has been regularly challenged by genius high school detectives who seem to be the smartest demographic ever, an actual witch, a serial killer+thief, another differen thief and this shady organization that killed his dad. There is no escalation, no actual struggle against all odds making him question his motivations which - he doesn’t even think for longer than a second about his mother’s questions which is why, when Corbeau tells him around the end that it was all to test his commitment, it could have been substituted for literally anything else.

However, that’s not my real problem with that: Kaito Kid is a necessity, not an identity. There is no need for a commitment towards the figure of Kaito Kid because the moment that criminal organization is caught, there is no need for the mantle of Kaito Kid anymore. This whole idea of commitment of character falls apart because Kid is not a superhero. He’s not taking up a huge and never ending task that is going to take forever - Kaito could very well become a big magician in Vegas afterwards, these things are not mutually exclusive which is why that question kinda backfires and makes his mom look bad because she doubts him for no reason whatsoever? Also, Kaito is literally still in high school and 17, they somehow came up with something less rational than having him dress up as a magician at night and hunting criminals by having him drop out of high school and become a magician in Las fucking Vegas with 17. And I get that it’s the last episode and you wanna end it on a heroic note but that didn’t work at all.

(next morning thoughts: I think I kinda understand the underlying problem of those two episodes now, let me, like the show itself compare it to his bigger brother - Detective Conan. There is no similar episode to test the main character’s strength of mind, but his parents often times wonder and ask him if he really wants to do this considering he nearly died the first time, and that is genuine care and if it wasn’t a better idea to let the police handle it; Conan always answers that he needs to keep doing it. However, these kinds of episodes would actually work with Conan as the main character because for one, his parent’s reasoning is way more sensical and two: he’s inherently human. Yeah, he is super smart and knows a bunch of weird shit that helps him solving crimes, but detectives are humans and they never pretend to be otherwise. I’m not saying magicians aren’t humans, the idea of supernatural things that is beautiful and quite literally casts a spell over us, to be willingly tricked into a world where the impossible is possible is a very human thing. Magicians just aren’t, they’re entertainers and try to exceed our reality, to be exceptional and - to be not human. That’s why the show always has him being cocky and witty, rarely struggling more than a bit with a heist, because he needs to. At this point his poker face has quite literally become his entire character.)

I know, I have been rambling, what I wanted to say is: despite all of this I don’t dislike the show. And in a way it suffers from the same Detective Conan problem of having selfcontained stories but an obligation to connect them to each other, weakening the entire thing. And I don’t know why I like it so much, because I like it more than anything reasonable would justify me to. And this is kinda what I need to find out. I’m very tired now and I have three days to work on my paper and I should go to sleep. If you expected a satisfying conclusion to this whole affair: welcome to Magic Kaito and I’m sorry.

[dumbfinntales]

I’ve done everything I felt like was worth doing in Morrowind and gotta say, despite its age it was really fun. Certain things took some time getting used to, like no conventional fast travel or having to find your own way but in time I started to really enjoy these aspects. To a degree, at least.

Let me start by saying that the combat is a little bit stupid, alright? Your fatigue and weapon skills play into whether or not you can hit things. You really need to dedicate yourself to a single weapon type because if you try to pick up a weapon that you got only 10-20 points in you ain’t gonna hit a damn thing. Hitting things and just seeing your weapon go through them is frustrating. I mostly used the Long Blades and eventually got the skill to 100 and I rarely miss, except if I’m out of fatigue. But still this system is pretty dumb and I’m glad they got rid of it later on.

Morrowinds world is amazing. I have no idea what happened between this game and Oblivion, because Oblivions open world is dull. But Morrowind is fascinating and very different. The world is full of interesting locations and fun encounters with colorful characters. Like all those naked Nords that have been tricked by witches, what a coincidence that there’s so many. Or the famous flying mage Tarhiel. This game also has something revolutionary. Loot. Loot that isn’t randomized, like in Oblivion and Skyrim. There’s set loot in each cave and ancestral site that you can find and it made exploring them fun because you wouldn’t know what riches you could come across. You’d think that making loot random would create the same effect, but nope. When you explore dungeons you just get random garbage. In Morrowind I’ll never forget when I ventured off to a random tomb and found a few pieces of the Orcish armor in a chest. That armor is there ALWAYS, it’s not random. Finally I was able to ditch my ugly mould armor and rock something much cooler. So yeah, exploring the dungeons in this game felt a lot more fun and satisfying than looting randomized chests with soulgems in them.

But my favorite part of Morrowind is just how utterly broken the game is. There’s so many systems and little things you can exploit to basically ascend to godhood. Who needs the heart of Lorkhan? Create a spell for 100% magick resistance for 1 sec, cast it and put on the boots of blinding speed and BOOM! Now you’re Sonic the hedgehog speeding across Vvardanfell. Not to mention alchemy and enchanting. Enchantments in this game rock. You don’t need to recharge them with soulgems (you can), they recharge on their own making enchanted items actually useful. In future games I’d always run out of charge after killing a couple enemies and then run around with an empty weapon for several hours until I was able to charge it at an NPC. I get why the self recharging items changed, to balance things, but y’know. I liked that system in Morrowind. Enchanting equipment and rings was great too. I made a ring for flying. And a shield that can open any door in the world. The possibilities are limitless!

Morrowind also has in my opinion the best main quest out of all the Elder Scrolls games. Everything involving the Sixth House, the tribunal and Dagoth Ur was so utterly fascinating. And cool. The lore this game provides is just so fucking cool. I especially fell in love the Almsivi. In past games the main story is kinda there. They try to be grand and flashy, but end up being a little short and underwhelming. The story in Morrowind doesn’t rush you and it isn’t necessarily a world ending disaster. Daddy Dagoth is just up to no good and you, as Elven Jesus need to go teach him a lesson about spreading dangerous diseases. After you beat up Dagoth Ur and the heart he’s hoarding you become a hero and everyone loves you after spitting on your face. Seriously, when you start the game everyone fucking hates your guts.

The game is rad and all, but there are a few things that weren’t so good in my opinion. For one, the directions. I was fine with no quest markers when the directions that were given to you were informative. At the start of the game the NPC’s would go into detail about where you need to go. Later on? Just head South from here and you should find it lol. Then you proceed to run around aimlessly like a chicken until you emotionally collapse and consult a wiki while crying your eyes out. I did this multiple times because fuck giving me good directions, right? The Bloodmoon expansion was the fucking WORST in this regard. I had to look up everything because all the directions I was given were vague as fuck and I just spent more time hopping around like a bunny rabbit. And a second thing. The quests. I’ll be honest with y’all, many of the side quests are just boring. Especially the faction quests. I completed three factions in this game, fighters guild, house Redoran and the east empire company. All of them were just you doing busy work until some climax where you need to kill the former leader, or replace them for whatever reason. Compare this to the faction quests in Oblivion where they tell a larger story. Not all of them are super interesting, but at least they’re better than what we got in Morrowind. Hell I’d go as far as to say that Skyrim did factions better. Yeah, get mad. There were very few side quests worth remembering. Most of them follow a boring routine and they never stray from a safe path. At least try to tell some kind of a story when you send me to kill a bunch of bandits in a cave. There were a couple neat quest in the game, but that’s just it. Neat.

So yeah. Morrowind is one strange RPG from 2002 and probably the most beloved entry in the TES franchise, and I can see why. It’s quirky, it doesn’t hold your hand and there’s a lot to roleplay. Plus it’s just damn fun with good lore. I’m glad I gave the game a chance. Morrowind gets YOU N’WAH out of ten.