#i m a little unhappy with the end result but whatever

[batstabb]

“I have come to bargain. Or to beg, if that’s what must be done. I require your assistance.”

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Stephhh,

Im looking for some good post s4 fix-its, friends to lovers. Preferably smutty obvs, and under 50k (if its reeeeeeaallyy good but long ill read it but its gotta be like an 11/10)

I believe in you 🙏 thank you in advance lol

Hi Lovely!!

I've a lot of Post-S4 fics, and if I can say so, I think all of the fics on my lists are fantastic and MORE than 11/10's, but subjective, hahah.

I'm also needing a list for the weekend, so I'm using your ask as the one I'm posting the next part for, so I HOPE some of these appeal to you, as well as the fics on the additional lists!! I put word counts next to all my fics which should help you out!

And if y'all have S4 fics to suggest, please do, as usual! I've another part I'm compiling of MFL fics, so I will add them to that as well! Enjoy!

POST-S4 / S4 Fix Its Pt. 5

See also:

TFP Is Canon

Post S4 / S4 Fix Its

Post S4 / S4 Fix Its Pt. 2

Post S4 / S4 Fix Its Pt. 3

Post S4 / S4 Fix Its Pt. 4

S4 Rewrites

S3 / TAB / S4 [FIX IT] Fics (March 2019)

Post S4 and Mental Health

Evermore by SosoHolmesWatson (G, 2,068 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4,  5-Year-Old Rosie, Love Confessions, Song Fic, Parentlock, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Disney Songs, Beauty and the Beast) – For the past years, John and Sherlock have lived at Baker Street again, raising Rosie together--as friends and nothing more. Ever since the little girl has watched her first Disney movie, she is obsessed with princesses. When John comes home one day, he finds his friend and his daughter in the middle of a reenactment of her current favourite. Part 1 of Made of Music

fulfilling for other people by missselene (E, 3,957 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Oblivious John, Pining Sherlock, Unhappy Fic, Unrequited Love Confession, Virgin Sherlock) – When Sherlock decides to act on John’s advice regarding romantic entanglements, the results are far from what John expected. Part 1 of fulfilling for other people

holding steady by darcylindbergh (E, 12,724 w., 4 Ch. || Post S4, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Growing Old, Gone Fishing, Mood without Plot, Soft Sherlock, Caring Sherlock, POV John Third Person, Anxious Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Touching, Feeling Old, Sherlock Worship, Crying Sherlock, Cuddles, Comforting, Introspection, Retirement, Hand Holding, Forehead Kisses, Caring John, Bed Sharing, Emotional Love Making) – Sitting on a thick wool blanket at the end of a rickety dock side-by-side, legs dangling over the edge, a styrofoam container of wet, dark dirt between them, they’re fishing. John knows what this is about. This is about finally figuring it out.

A Quiet Life by DiscordantWords (M, 25,176 w., 6 Ch. || Post S4, Retirement, POV Sherlock, Awkwardness, Established Relationship, Family Dynamics, Minor Character Death, Questionable Parenting Choices, Non-Linear Narrative, 20 Year Old Rosie, Meddling Mycroft, Pining Sherlock, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Angst, Sherlock Whump) – There had been three days of silence and a funeral. Sherlock had the terrible feeling that whatever happened next would depend, entirely, on him.

How To Unfold a Heart by elwinglyre (E, 25,477 w., 7 Ch. || Post S4 Fix It, BAMF John, Mentioned Eurus, POV First Person Sherlock, Case Fic, Fluff, Slow Burn, Topping from the Bottom, 3 Yr Old Rosie, Introspection, Sexual Fantasies, John Worship, Ogling, Hand Holding, Kidnapping, Domesticity, Sherlock Whump, First Kiss/Time, Doctor John, Caring John, Soft Sherlock, Sensuality, Touching, Crying, Love Confessions, Anxious Sherlock, Rimming, Toplock, Fingering, Bossy Bottom John) – To Sherlock’s dismay, John’s return to Baker Street with Rosie is only temporary. Sherlock’s daily visits to Regent Park with John and Rosie illuminate his lost childhood memories and missed opportunities. But with each trip to the park, Sherlock also feels a growing sense of hope. That is until the past horrors return unexpectedly in a cryptic note folded in the shape of a heart. To decipher the message, Sherlock must uncover the nature of the hearts around him, including his own.

Winter’s Storm by LoloLolly (M, 51,812 w., 11 Ch. || Canon Compliant Through TFP/S4 Is Canon, Alternating POV,  Established / New Relationship, Parentlock with Rosie, Explicit Torture, Mentions of Sherlock’s PTSD, Mentions of Human Trafficking, References to Child Abuse, Violence, Kidnapping, Captivity, Angst with Happy Ending, Fluff, Case Fic, BAMF / Soldier John, Sherlock Whump, Mycroft and John Work Together, Marriage Proposal, Autistic Sherlock, Lestrade Finds Out, Polyglot Sherlock, Aftermath of Serbia) – Sherlock had buried the past. Shut Serbia away in the attic of his mind palace. Muddy footprints at a heinous crime scene, however, have led him right back to old enemies. And right back to captivity. For God’s sake, Mycroft. Part 2 of the Earthly Pomp (Is But a Dream) series

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Swallow the Night by ArwaMachine (E, 87,873 w., 15 Ch. || TSo3/Stag Night Fix It, TAB/S4 Divergence, Toplock, Mutual Pining, PWP, Drunk / Public Sex, Anal Fingering/Sex, Alcohol-Induced Amnesia, Everyone Knows Except Them, Emotional Love Confession, Demisexual Sherlock, Internalized Homophobia [John], Parentlock with Rosie, First Kiss, Drug Relapse, Infidelity, Texting, Masturbation, Oblivious John, Emotional Love Making, Angst with Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares) – “Do you know how long,” John panted, his cheek scraping against the wall, looking back at Sherlock through half-closed eyes, “I’ve wanted this?” Sherlock pressed himself against John’s back, biting at John’s ear. “Not nearly as long as I have,” he whispered.

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

Drawn to Stars by Silvergirl (E, 109,272 w., 60 Ch. || S4 Compliant to TLD / TFP Doesn’t Exist, Sherlock’s Italian Adventure, Sherlock/OC and Johnlock, Jealous John, Mutual Pining, Misunderstandings, First Kiss/Time, Idiots in Love, 3 Part Story, Slow Burn, Inexperienced Sherlock, Bottom Sherlock, Introspection, Multiple Alternating First and Third Person POV, Separation and Reconciliation, Emotional Love Making, Love Confessions via Letters, Angst with Happy Ending) – After the Culverton Smith case Sherlock is clean, working, and looking for a romantic partner—since John has told him that’s what he needs. Shame John didn’t mention he was interested in that role himself, before Sherlock went off to Rome with a gorgeous Italian copper to try to fall in love and become a complete human being.  Part 1 of the Drawn to Stars series

The Lost Special: Family Matters (As Do Relationships) by ShirleyCarlton (M, 144,688 w., 40 Ch. || S4 Fix It Fic / Meta Fic, Unreliable Narrator, John’s Mind Bungalow, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Demisexual Sherlock, Holmes Family, John Whump, Gay Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Drug Addiction, Parenting, TFP is a Nightmare, Virgin Sherlock, Slow Burn, Minor Character Death, Switchlock, John’s Past, Sherlock’s Past, Eurus, Love Confessions) –Sherrinford is not really the name of some high security prison. That was just a figment of John’s frantic coma dream. And Eurus is not actually Sherlock’s sister. That’s just something random she said to John before shooting him. Sherlock and John were never actually estranged. That was just their act to cover up what really happened to Mary – or Rosamund Moran, as her real name has turned out to be. Sherlock does have a secret sibling, though, and his name is Sherrinford. After finally eliminating Moran – though in a rather dramatically different way than they had envisioned – and exposing the truth about Eurus, John encourages Sherlock to delve into his past and to find out whether the reasons to keep Sherrinford away from Sherlock were the right ones, and to discover what really happened in 1981. Along the way, Sherlock and John gradually, finally, stop keeping each other at a distance, and eventually become a proper family of their own.

[hashimada-week]

FAQs

When will this event take place?

Interest Check: March 1 - 15

Prompts Posted: March 20

Sneak Peak Day: June 9

Posting Dates: July 9 - 15

Who can submit work?

This is an open event so everyone can participate!

How do I submit work?

On Tumblr: post/link work @ this blog (@hashimada-week) and tag it with #hashimadaweek2023.

We also have a Twitter: @hashimadaweek and #hashimadaweek2023.

If it’s not reblogged/retweeted within 24 hours, feel free to send an ask/dm, it might have gotten buried!

Will an Ao3 Collection be made for this event?

Yes! It’s already created and will be opened a week in advance for submissions: HashiMada Week 2023.

What kind of work will be accepted?

Pretty much anything! Fanart, fics, edits, AMVs, headcanon/meta posts etc. Feel free to send an ask for specific clarification.

A/B/O AUs aren’t allowed, are other kinds of AUs ok?

Yes! No A/B/O AU is a mod preference, other AUs are perfectly fine for any day!

What if I want to write something in your rule’s ‘not allowed’ list?

You are more than welcome to create whatever content you’d like in your personal time, but the ‘not allowed’ list’s purpose is to appeal to a wide audience and our mod’s personal comfort. If you’d like to host your own event with no restrictions at all, we encourage you to do so! However, we will be sticking to our rules for this event.

Is early/late posting allowed?

The event date is to be determined after the results of the interest check. We will continue our ‘sneak peek’ day from last year on June 9th, but no other early posting will be reblogged here until the start of the event.

Late posting will be allowed until the end of July.

What did you say about that sneak-peek/progress check?

One question in our first interest check was about early progress checks. Typically week events don’t have them, but this sounded like a fun option to get people excited during the creation period! Tag any sketches/excerpts/etc. with #hashimadaweek2023sneakpeek on Tumblr or Twitter on June 9th and we’ll reblog it! (You can also @ us too on either platform.) Again, this is 100% optional and if you share a sneak peek, you are not obligated to finish/post the work for the event itself. This is just for fun!

Are dark fics/unhappy endings/tragedy allowed?

Yes! As long as the fic is focused on hashimada and the rest of our rules are followed, feel free to interpret any prompt in the most angsty, heart-wrenching way possible!

Can I reuse old works for this event?

No, sorry! Only new content, please! If there’s another week happening at the same time, cross-posting is allowed as long as our rules are met and hashimada is the focus of the work!

Is there a minimum word count for fics/completion status for fanart?

Nope! Make the fics as long or as short as you want and everything from sketches to full-color artwork will be accepted as long as it’s hashimada themed and follows the rest of the rules.

Can I complete only one prompt or do I need to complete all?

You can do one prompt or all or anything in-between! Do as much or as little as you’d like!

I’m not a native English speaker, so, can I post stuff in Spanish? Thank you! / Are fanfics only allowed in English? / Can I participate if I speak, read and write in Spanish?

We accept works in all languages as long as they are properly tagged and follow our rules!

Are platonic works okay, or does the ship have to be romantic specifically?

This is a ship week event so we are expecting most works will be romantic in nature, but platonic relationships are allowed too!

Depending on participating writers/artists mood…maybe two+ prompts per day, at least one G rated and one M rated would be nice. Is this possible?

There will be three prompts per day (because we couldn’t decide between a few, lol!) In an attempt to make the prompts as broad as possible we don’t have “G” or “M” ratings, but each individual creator is allowed to interpret them however they’d like.

I heard there’d be merch?

Yes! We’re doing stickers this year. Check out the Sticker Merch FAQ for more information!

.

If any tagged work breaks our rules, it will not be reblogged here.

If you have any additional questions, please don’t hesitate to ask!

[sullina]

Drole and Gloxinia glsnced at each other. As far as they were aware there wasn't an ulterior motive at all, Zdris had come across an injured Meliodas, they had fought, and than Zeldris brought him back here for healing after discovering Meliodas had saved his mate form certain death and he'd been denied by that village. The Commandments hadn't even discussed anything in regards to what to do once Meliodas has awoken, much less any future plans. At the same time Meliodas had a point, most any other demon pack would have simply killed him.

"I... I don't think understand, Meliodas." Gloxinia told the injured demon, "All Zeldris told us was that he fought with you and than brought you here after that village turned you away, he never said anything else."

Meliodas eyed the two for a long time, glancing away when he found no lie. Either they truly didn't know, or they were better at telling lies than he remembered. Sensing Meliodas was unhappy with the answer, Drole let out a soft sigh,

"Focus on healing up, okay little buddy? Whatever happens... well, that's in the future."

Meliodas nodded, eyes drooping a bit. He really was tired, and in retrospect this is probably the best possible position he could be with his plan. True he'd ended up in the Commandments' hands far earlier than he wanted but... it looks like his injuries are the Commandments priority right now and he could possibly use that as a way to stall for time. He'd gone into this knowing he'd likely end up dead, it was something he was willing to accept and why he had told Merlin to tell the Son's of his curse, what was tripping him up was the fact the Commandments weren't trying to harm him. He suspected they might be planning something, some sort of interrogation or some plan thag required him to be healed up for whatever reason, and it's entirely possible his brother just hadn't told Gloxinia and Drole, the two newest Commandments according to them and the only two nondemonic entities, what that plan was. For his brother and the pack he had hurt so terribly to simply accept his presence again just because he was hurt is too good to be true.

Deciding to follow Drole's advice, he curled up into Estarossa's arms somewhat awkwardly, eyeing them a bit but trusting his old friends wouldn't attack him in his sleep, if only because doing so would result in waking the larger demon, and just let himself drift. A few minutes wouldn't hurt.

When he woke up it was to bustling as the Commandments moved around him within the nest, prepping for the night. Somehow his position had changed and he found himself using Estarossa as a pillow with a still sleeping Zeldris' hand curled around his wrist. Estarossa, however, was awake and grinning down at his older brother with a very amused expression,

"Morning."

Meliodas was alarmed at first, tensing up at seeing Estarossa so close to his face right when waking up. "M-Morning", he responded, forcing his body to relax with limited success.

If Estarossa noticed, he didn't comment on it, although he gently tightened his hold on him, which felt more comforting to Meliodas than the blonde demon would've liked.

Estarossa grinned. "Sleep well?"

Meliodas couldn't shake the feeling that he was being made fun of somehow. "Just fine", he said, refusing to outright admit that he had slept better just now than he had in almost all of his 3000 years after leaving the pack.

Beside them, Zeldris began to stir as well, roused from sleep when he felt Meliodas tensing up.

[what-the-fic-khr]

the bbb event is interesting! can i request shoichi and hands please? hope you have a great day 💖

ahhh thank you anon!! at first wasn’t too sure what to do but I like the end result! the reader in this one is a bit more “spaced out” and stuff, a little more than usual readers, and they have an accent so!! happy with it!!

character/s: irie shoichi, reader-insert (gender-neutral)

word count: 424

warnings: n/a I think

prompt: shoichi + hands (body bonanza)

“Amazin’.”

Shoichi jumped a little, but nodded slowly. You had a habit of watching over his shoulder when he made things, or fiddled with something tech related.

He didn’t really know what your fascination with it was, but you never got in the way, so he let you be.

“Whatcha doin’?”

He’d tell you that, too, though you never really seemed to understand entirely. You still look entirely invested, though. That was kind of nice.

“You’re amazin’, y’know?”

“Ah, may I know why…?”

“Y’don’t know?”

Shoichi blinked up at you, and you pouted a little at him. You lifted up one of your own hands, then poked your palm.

“You make such incredible things! All with just your hands and your mind; it’s amazin’.”

To him they weren’t really that amazing. It was just what he did, day to day, so he didn’t really see it the way you did. But the praise, that was nice, too.

“Thank you… Are you able to make anything?”

“Oh, not like you-“

“No, just… Like you. A hobby?”

You smiled a little crookedly, waving both hands up near your face, open palmed. “I’m pretty klutzy; ‘m not really a crafty person.”

As you went on about the crafts you couldn’t do, from art to food, he couldn’t help but wonder why you seemed so unhappy about talking about it.

“Could you make me something? What do you like to do?”

You fell silent, which didn’t happen often unless you were distracted.

“Oh. N’body’s ever asked me that. Lemme think for a moment.”

Shoichi was patient, waiting for you to figure out just what it was you liked to do. But he was determined; he wanted to see you make something, and wanted to encourage your creativeness the way you did his.

“Ah,” you hit a fist to a palm, “I like to do paper crafts! I get paper cuts a lot, but I think I can make a bunch of things!”

Shoichi nodded, shifting around where he sat, and held out a hand. “That’s okay. My hands a really rough from working on things, too.”

As if you didn’t really believe him, you dropped a hand into his. You’d held his hand plenty of ones before, but this one felt a little more embarrassing for some reason.

“Huh. Guess they are.”

You were quiet, staring at your hands before nodding firmly. “I’ll go make you somethin’, and you can keep it in here! I’ll make whatever you want!”

“Whatever you want to make is fine with me.”

[hermit-pistol]

Leone Abbacchio Fluff Alphabet:

And with that, the 600 follower special is concluded! I know that they took me forever to finish but I hope that you enjoyed reading them! Please like and reblog to show love, and read some Abbacchio fluff under the cut:

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Abbacchio enjoys the simplicity of doing nothing and going nowhere. Honestly, some of his favorite activities that you do together take place in the courtesy of your own home. Don't get it twisted though, he still will take you out for the occasional meal and show you a good time!

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He admires your ability to stay calm. Other people he has known in the past would tend to annoy him with how high strung they were. He much rather prefers a partner that he can sit in comfortable silence with, and can just go with the flow of everything.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Abbacchio, to be fair, has had his own fair share of emotional baggage, so he knows what you're experiencing all too well. Thankfully, he also knows how to overcome the situation when these feelings grow to be too much. He'll whisper words and phrases of affirmation, assuring them that everything will be okay and that he will always be there for them.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

His vision of the future is very uncertain, and in all fairness, he couldn't even believe that he'd made it this far in his life. His previous career as an officer and currently being in the mafia were certainly not considered "safe" jobs. He does want a future with you though, no matter how risky the job. He just won't think too far ahead.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Abbacchio is very passive aggressive. He'll be very lenient when it comes to making decisions in the relationship but can obviously step it up if needed. Most of the decision making will be in the hands of his partner for sure.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

He bottles things up until they explode at the surface. He'll yell and most likely something will come out harsher than intended, this ends up with him being in a position where he has some serious explaining to do. Things will work out eventually, but things might be rough for a while.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He loves you for showing him that living wasn't all that bad to begin with. Life hasn't been very kind to him and you know that. When he's having very low moments, you remind him of his team and you who both love him very much. You are one of the only reasons that he keeps on going.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Getting Abbacchio to open up and speak about the things that he's experienced in this lifetime will take a lot of coaxing and convincing. In time, he'll tell you when he's ready, but for a good while he'll be very selective with what he wants to share with you. Only when the time comes and he feels that you're worthy of knowing will he come clean. Be ready.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

He has a hard time seeing the positives of a situation, and before he met you, he was truly unhappy with his life. It took him so many years to learn that seeing things from a different, more optimistic point of view really made a huge difference. He thanks you for opening him up to new experiences.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Abbacchio does not mess around when it comes to you getting attention from other people. He may appear passive at first, but he’s had an eye on the two of you this whole time, don’t worry. If things get out of hand, he’ll just drag you out of there so fast you won’t even have time to process what just happened.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Abbacchio is a very rough kisser, to the point where you have to remind him not to leave marks on your lips. There's a time and a place for everything, but it takes some reminders to let him know that a simple showing of affection shouldn't result in your face being all but ripped off. Other than that, he's got quite the natural talent.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

The funny thing that sets Abbacchio apart from the others is that he won't outright tell you that he loves you. He very much so believes in the concept of tough love, and even though he can be unbearable at some points, it's very rarely that he verbally expresses that he loves you. It's rather expressed in the actions that he does.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He's going to wait for ages until he pops the question, so long in fact that you had thought about proposing to him just to get it over with. He'll ask for the help of his team to put the wedding together since he doesn't have much to work with in terms of family. When it's all said and done, he'll totally have to fight the urge to break down into tears when he sees you walking down the aisle. You just look so beautiful!

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Abbaccchio really doesn't need nicknames, unless you ask him to call you something specific. If not, he's content with referring to you by your name. After all, it is the most sincere form of flattery as they say.😳

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

Only a few people can tell that something is up with Abbacchio (mainly, Bruno and Fugo) and once they figure out what's going on with their teammate they can't help but smile. They'll leave teasing out of it because they know that the others might go too far, but whenever you enter a room they share a knowing glance as they watch him clam up on the spot.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

He's not very fond of showing his affection in public, and sometimes this really gets on your nerves. There are times where he doesn't even feel comfortable holding hands with you, but you try to respect his wishes. You know that he's just a little awkward and shy when it comes to these things and that his actions in the outside world are completely different compared to when you share alone time.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

(I know this might be one you guys have heard of before but it can't leave my brain so-) Abbacchio can sing, and he can sing quite well. But he will never do so in front of people, and even in front of you. The only times that you can hear him is when he thinks that you have left for the store and sneaks into the bathroom. One time you had your ear pressed against the door so hard that it accidentally opened. He was holding a hairbrush like a microphone and was less than pleased that you had found him.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

It may not seem like it, but Abbacchio can be quite romantic. When the two of you are alone he might offer to give you a massage or might shower you in kisses of his own accord. Both of those might end up leading to something else, of course ;)

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

He will always make sure to make sure that you have complete confidence in whatever you decide to pursue. If you succeed, then he will be the proudest man you've ever seen. Even if you experience some shortcomings he'll encourage you to keep trying and re-adjust your goals so they can be more attainable.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Abbacchio doesn't really come across as the type of person that's spontaneous. While he doesn't like surprises, whenever he does have a nice gesture planned he wants to make sure that you're prepared for (possibly) one of the best days of your life. He hypes it up in subtle ways like "Pack your bags" and "Make sure to bring your swimsuit". 😉

U nderstanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Don't let his emotional unavailability at times fool you, for he can understand your emotions quite well. He'll pay attention to details that could decipher your moods, like the slam of a door or heavy sighs as you shuffle your feet into the living room. Of course, he'll ask you how to make you feel better, but he secretly prides himself on his awareness when it comes to you.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Abbacchio isn't the best at maintaining relationships with people, unless they're very special to him. You are easily one of the best things that's ever happened to him, and if you weren't in his life he'd be extra grumpy and then some. You are his rock, and he cherishes you every single day the two of you are together.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

When the two of you aren't busy, you insist on having a "couple's night" which consists of watching a movie together. He’s a bit of a “fun killer” when it comes to having a movie night, turning down almost every idea and suggestion that you have. You eventually decide on a basic horror movie, with Abbacchio grumbling through it the whole time. He does enjoy when you cling to him during the scary parts, though.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Abbacchio can be affectionate when he wants to be (only when you’re ALONE). There are times when he doesn't want to be in the same room as you, and then others when he's clinging to you no matter how hard you try to escape. Catch him in a good mood and he'll even nuzzle his head into the crook of your neck.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

Whenever you've been away for a bit, Abbacchio will seemingly be unfazed by your lack of presence, almost to the point where it bothers you. Your man really doesn't show that many emotions, huh. When you walk through the door; however, he'll be there in the doorway ready to greet you and wrap you in a giant hug. You smile, knowing that he secretly missed you after all.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He's not the type of guy to give gifts or do anything extravagant outside of special occasions. If you're having a bad day he will bring you dinner and listen to you vent. If you're the one, he's willing to go the extra mile in maintaining the relationship and wanting to keep you as happy as possible.

[janewatson]

Helluva Boss Trailer Analysis!

Yes, I watch this.  Yes, I like it.  No, I won’t argue with you about it.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s just say that I was up when the trailer dropped, and was still up for a bit after.  I’ve watched it so many times now, just absorbing everything, and now it’s time to break it down.

I’ve seen a few breakdowns already, but I noticed that there were a few things people hadn’t mentioned.  So I’m tossing my hat in the ring, let’s see if we can figure out what Vivziepop has in store for us!

I’ll be breaking down by scene, as well as go over voiceovers and predictions real quick, so prepare for a read after the cut!

Ok, first, had to laugh at Millie’s Peppermint Vodka Molotov Cocktail.  Creative, but what a waste of vodka :(  The background is of a beach, but she’s not in beach clothes (let’s face it, a bikini would probably kill Moxxie)

Moxxie is shooting at something while he’s swinging from a rope in a deserted theater.  Piano on the floor, and a sun pattern on the back wall

Blitzø (thanks for the copy/paste, Google) cleaving a blonde in half with a baseball bat.  Damn, he stronk!

Diss Summar’, with the little doodles!  So cute :3

Drunk/drugged/in shock Moxxie, poor Millie, and something big bursting out from the water behind.  Tied to first scene?

Stolas’ ‘Special Access’ bit from the Sneak Peeks, talking about the Harvest Moon festival in Wrath

Moxxie and Blitzø in a green lit room, looks like a two-way mirror on the wall.  Interrogation?

Correction to ‘Diss Season’ XD  Hopefully that means we’ll get an episode before spring, but if they need more time, that’s understandable

Glammed up Stolas at some kind of burlesque, owned by Asmodeus ‘Ozzie’, Prince of Hell’s Lust circle.  Wonder why he’s there...

CHERUBS!!!  Also from the Sneak Peeks, we know that this is a commercial, and that the TV showing said commercial gets blown up a few seconds later

Angry Blitzø, probably yelling at Moxxie, being scared shitless by a hellhound behind him.  I think this is a repo/impound/chop-shop guy who took IMP’s van, as in a later scene, they’re shown in a fence with other cars, especially because Blitzø yells ‘RUN’ at the end of the scene

Loona and Blitzø filming someone’s misery (again, probably Moxxie).  They’re in western outfits, but they’re probably still in Hell

Tentacle wrapping around drugged Moxxie and taking him, too fast for Millie to react and stop it.  Again, looks like it’s tied to the first and fifth scenes

Sassy Blitzø, probably talking to the repo-hellhound or punching-bag Moxxie.  Same setting as scene 11

Blitzø running to the window of what looks like a recording studio, with ‘VM’ spray painted on the doors next to him.  He looks distraught, but it’s not clear why

Recently choked-out Moxxie recovering, while being frame by a spiny-tailed Imp wearing what I assume is a serape, since it looks like they’re on the ranch Loona and Blitzø cheered a poor soul, scene 12

DEPRESSED BIRD DADDY.  WHY ARE YOU SAD???  IS IT GONNA MAKE ME SAD??? OH NO I’M NOT READY unless its a flashback, but stilllll

Perturbed Blitzø holding his special flintlock in a western-themed room.  Looks like he has his outfit from scene 12 on, probably the same episode, but whatever happened/is going to happen, it’s not good

Dressed-up Moxxie, who probably jumped bombed a performance, is upstaged by Robo Fizz and most likely a Robo Ozzie, given the designs on its’ head(s).  He looked uneasy even before the Robos popped up, so something else was going on first.

Scaley eye blinking and getting MAD, attached to the tentacle that kidnapped Moxxie?

50% off add for Spring Break victims, complete with coffee stain, and Blitzø‘s horse doodles.  I got a mental image of Moxxie scolding Blitzø for drawing at work, so he BS’d it into an ad.

Either Blitzø is a terrible driver, or they’re trying to speed away from someone.  Repo-hound, maybe?

HUMAN!!!  Almost definitely a human pop-star singing on a Coachella-esque stage!  I tried to fill in her name, but could only get ideas of what some letters were.  Her initials are most likely VM, from the recording studio scene, but the bottoms of some letters could be an E or L, K or R, so we’re left with V~(L/E)(K/R)OSI(K/R)A MA~~.  It also looks like she’s wearing heels, so she may be the person who threw Blitzø in a later scene

Moxxie about to be trampled by what can only be a horse, given his outfit.  Loona and Blitzø are probably filming XD

Shocked Stolas, standing up at table.  Same outfit as the burlesque, but he doesn’t looked surprised enough that it’s the part where Moxxie is upstaged, more something emotionally jarring.  Blitzø kissing someone else, maybe?

Blitzø pushing Moxxie out of the way and pinning him just outside a Hell portal in an alley, most likely Earth.  Blitzø looks mad, and rightly so, as he’s looking a little beat up himself.  Connected to the interrogation scene?

Happy Blitzø turns horrified outside some elevators with Moxxie.  Judging by the water cooler in the back, I think he’s about to slam into the recording studio.  Behind him, Moxxie gives no shits

Blitzø looking miffed, maybe at something Moxxie said.  Looks like the same scene with the repo-hound, as the setting itself looks like an impound lot, with the IMP van smack-dab in the middle of it.  I love that the license plate is IMP-666 though

Unhappy Blitzø (ok, let’s be honest, when IS he happy?)

Moxxie swinging Millie around in the deserted theater, passionately frenching each other

Blitzø getting pushed down by a horned, high-heeled... someone.  Again, might be the pop star from earlier, but there’s horns...  Maybe the pop star is human-passing, and has an alternate demonic form, like the Hazbin Hotel cast?

Western-clad Blitzø pulling his flintlock on someone, most likely before scene 18.  Most definitely Hell, judging by the poster and previous scenes, but I’m digging the décor

Blitzø not getting a break at all during this trailer and being yeeted into a dumpster, which closes on him.  Gonna take a stab and say it’s outside the burlesque Stolas and Moxxie were in, from the colors and posters of Lust Ring, Personal Companion Robo-Fizz, and Angel Dust.

The next scene is of him climbing out of a dumpster to fall into another pile of trash.  He just doesn’t get a break, does he?  It doesn’t look like the dumpster outside the burlesque, but it is similar to the alley with the hell portal, where Blitzø pinned Moxxie.  Maybe not the same scene, but most likely same episode.

Editor being absolutely plastered, teasing all the fun stuff to come in 2021, since 2020 can go f*ck itself.

And that’s a really in-depth breakdown of all the scenes in the trailer!  Now, for the voiceovers.

First, Loona’s asking if anyone ‘Can feel that?’.  Interesting thing to ask, so we’ll have to wait and see what catastrophe happens

Millie gently yelling at Moxxie to ‘DON’T PANIC’

A calm voice announcing an elevator’s departure to the Lust circle of Hell, which is most likely where the burlesque and Robo scenes are.  As to who is going, it’s either Stolas or the IMP crew, or maybe both?

Horny Stolas cooing ‘Oh, Blitzy!’, followed by Loona’s ‘SHUT THE F*CK UP’ from the Loo Loo Land episode.  Finally, I have a high-res clip I can set as my ringtone!

Blitzø yelling  ‘Dammit, Moxxie, this is all your fault!’, which may or may not be true since he scapegoats Moxxie, who replies ‘How is this my fault???’

Pop star asking, ‘Y’all ready to get f*cked up and make some b*tchin’ bad choices?’.  It’s most likely her talking, since the her lips synch up with her scene, and it’s a new voice we haven’t heard before.

Moxxie’s cut off ‘M*THERF*CKER!!!’.  So happy I get to hear Invader Zim go off, poor boy needs it XD

Blitzø being Blitzø and trying to tone down a big deal, stating again that he doesn’t pry into their personal lives, even though he obvious does (see Helluva Boss Pilot for more)

Robo Fizz’s line from Loo Loo Land asking if anybody loved Blitzø.  I’m gonna be honest and say that line choked me up in Loo Loo Land, and so did Blitzø’s response, until ‘But I’m really good with guns now.  DANCE, B*TCH!’

Moxxie ending with ‘That is deeply unsettling’, again from Loo Loo Land.  Throwing shade on Helluva Boss haters, maybe? :3

All right, now, predictions!

Chaos in a theater, with focus maybe on Millie and Moxxie’s relationship, maybe an origin story?  It won’t be the only one, with the tentacle beach monster and drugged Moxxie bits, so we can expect a lot of story and character development from the two of them.

Farm episode!  Blitzø either drags them onto a farm, or there’s a client who invites them, but sh*t will happen.

Really excited to see what happens in the Lust ring, and for the return of Robo Fizz!  Baby boy only got a few minutes of screen time, but is currently my favorite character.

Repo episode of rescuing the IMP van, probably resulting in overall team building and character development.  I really want to see Loona tear a new one into that *sshole-looking hellhound, though.

Pop star episode!  Really excited to meet this new character, I wonder what her name is and how close I was XD  Either Blitzø and Moxxie break into her recording studio to meet her, or she’s a client, but we’ll see!

Trapped on Earth/Run in with Earth authorities episode?  That interrogation room didn’t exactly look Hellish, and they obvious meet some kind of resistance while on Earth that looked like it was gonna get messy...

Stolas episode!  Please please please be flashback and story, I loved Loo Loo Land but really want some more lore and development on his character and maybe relationship with Blitzø.  Bird obviously needs to work through some things, and I really want to watch him grow, ever since I saw him struggle to tell Octavia why he was cheating.  Him stuttering and ultimately being unable to find a reason why really hit home, and I’m glad it was something they included since in media, it’s always ‘Well, she’s really ugly’ or ‘I don’t love him anymore’.  He still has feelings for his wife, but wanted to f*ck Blitzø too.

Even without the trailer, we do know that we’re getting episodes focusing on CHERUB and a Harvest Moon festival, but still.  There’s so much content Vivzie and Co have been working hard to make, and I can’t wait to see what they have in store for us.  Dark comedy aside, there’s so much story they can make just around these four characters, following their growth and happenings around Hell.  It’s such a cool premise and one that hasn’t been washed and worn so many times, like cop or murder shows, and I can see this going on for quite a bit.

Well, here’s to an exciting 2021!  Thank you for all your hard work, Vivizepop, keep it up!

[ifyoulovemeletmebinge]

We’re All Monsters

destiel au where everything in canon is used at the wrong time and oh also cas is a monster 

RATED M 

read it on ao3 here: 

Part 1 

Part 2

Part 3

The next time they see each other is that night. 

Dean spent the whole day avoiding the monster he welcomed into his house like a fucking pro, if he says so himself. He watched three different 80s action movies (because he needed some familiar blood and gore and explosion to distract from his own need to crush something), and he only left his room to play a few rounds of chess with Eileen while she took a break from research (he only won once after begging her to go easy on him), and now he is back in his room, after making one of the frozen pizzas he found in the fridge just for himself. 

He stuffs another big bite of a 4-cheese slice as the credits roll on the movie he’d paused earlier and just came back to finish now. It was past 10:30 at night. He hears a knock on his door. 

“‘Ome ‘n” he yells around a mouthful of cheese. He almost chokes on it when the door opens to reveal Castiel. He looks like a scared little child, but that’s not what made Dean choke. Castiel is wearing normal clothing. 

Whoa. 

That’s Dean’s flannel. His black, navy, and sky blue colored one that makes up the patterns on the cloth in a way that matches Castiel way better than it does Dean. He’s also wearing jeans, only socks on his feet. 

Dean balks because there’s no way this guy is half-abomination. He’s too cozy. 

“I apologize,” Castiel looks down, folds his hands together in front of him. “I didn’t think you were busy, I can--” 

“No, no I’m not busy--” 

“--come back tomorrow, I’m sorry--” 

“Cas.” 

“Yes, Dean?” 

“Stay.” 

Castiel blinks, shyly looks down and then nods. He closes the door behind him, and just stays there. Dean wipes his hands on a napkin and swings his legs off the bed. 

“What’s up?” 

“I wanted to let you know Sam allowed me to borrow some clothes,” Castiel looks down at himself sheepishly, tugs at the bottom of the flannel he’s wearing. “I will return them after tomorrow.” 

Dean’s nodding so fast his neck cracks a little. “Yeah. That’s—Cas, that’s fine. Wha-what’s tomorrow?” 

At that, Castiel actually smiles. Dean’s never seen this before. Granted, he’s known the guy for less than a day, and has been actively avoiding him, but anyways. Castiel’s smile shows gums and square little teeth. Dean feels his entire chest glow looking at it. 

“That’s the second piece of news I came to tell you. Sam and I have found something. He needs the day to acquire the correct ingredients for it, and we want to try it tomorrow. We think it will work.” It’s impossible, but it’s like his smile is growing even more with every word he says. Dean finds himself smiling too. 

“Man,” Dean clasps his hands together; a quiet clap. “That’s… I mean. That’s something, Cas. You’re-you’ve-how long have you waited for this?” 

Castiel’s smile falters, crooks and falls. He says quietly, “All my life.” 

Then he’s walking forward and sitting at the edge of Dean’s bed. Dean’s hand on the mattress is the only thing that separates them. 

“I need to tell you something else.” 

“A third thing?” 

“Yes,” Castiel looks down at his hand on the bed. He takes a moment while Dean holds his breath. 

Castiel puts one of his hands on top of Dean’s, covering it. Dean glances down, and this close, he can clearly see the scar on the back of Castiel’s hand. All the breath in Dean’s lungs rushes out at once. 

“Dean. After your father saved me, and I decided on what I was to do, I grew up with you. I followed you. I learned from you. I even saved you a few times. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if he’d killed me too, or if he hadn’t killed my father at all, what would have become of me—”

“Cas,” Dean interrupts hoarsely, spinning his hand around to grasp his fingers gently at Castiel’s wrist. “Whatever you think you know about my dad, it’s not true,” he shakes his head. “I’m absolutely sure the only good thing my dad ever did was accidentally let you live.” 

Castiel averts his eyes, frowns. “On some days, I disagree.” 

“Is today one of them?” Dean tilts his head to catch Castiel’s eyesight again. He shivers when blue meets green. 

“No,” Castiel answers softly. “Not today.” 

“Good. Because if there’s one thing you need to learn about being human is that you gotta learn to forgive yourself, man.” 

Castiel’s smile looks sad. “After all these years, I am still learning from you, Dean Winchester.” 

“What do you mean?” 

Castiel hesitates. “With how savagely my father was raising me, to kill and feast on others, on innocents, I kept my humanity in check by watching you live Dean. You taught me to be human.” 

Dean can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips. 

As the seconds pass in silence, he can feel them inching closer, like tectonic plates moving after centuries. Their noses brush together and their lips are practically touching. Dean vision is reduced to alluring blue and widening pupils. He’s so afraid of what will happen if they collide. 

Dean tilts his head down, leaning their foreheads together, avoiding the kiss. 

“Cas.” His whisper is broken and defeated. 

“I understand, Dean. If I had never told you, would you—”

Dean interrupts him, pulling his head away and covering it with his hands. “I can’t answer that. I-I don’t know. That was before I knew. Before I knew what you were and how that relates to me. Damn it, Cas. I’m going against everything I stand for, everything I am, for you. And there’s no guarantee.” 

“How is that different than if I was a human you met at a bar?” 

Dean swallows. “It just is,” he argues gruffly. “You’d just be a human. But you’re not, you’re someone who knows too much about me. I don’t know you at all, Cas. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I don’t know if I should have killed you already or not.” 

Dean sucks in a breath then, regretting the words immediately. His throat feels thick. When he tentatively looks at Castiel, he sees he is taken aback, mouth agape. 

Castiel blinks. He stands up and makes his way to the door, his steps almost silent. Dean wants to reach out but his arms are frozen and still, and there’s something burning in his veins. 

“I felt for you.” Castiel whispers, hand on the doorknob. 

Dean looks up, meeting his eyes, feeling too much and not at all. He’s numb and exploding inside. He misses Castiel’s hand on top of his. He wants to feel his palm encase his hand again. Dean’s throat clogs up when he realizes, whoever he is, whatever he is, Dean wants Castiel. 

Castiel is staring at him, jaw clenched, and posture too tight. “If I may… ask you for another favor?” 

Dean can’t speak. 

Nonetheless, Castiel continues. “If tomorrow doesn’t yield the best results, I’d like you to make sure I’m gone, Dean. For good.” 

****

Sam is an organization freak. He has a whole corner of the basement scrubbed down and set up for the spell he’s going to try on Castiel. He has bowls (organized by size), and the vials of blood from the day before (organized by size). He also has extra needles (organized by size), some weed looking plants (organized by color), and other instruments for smashing and mixing (say it with me, organized by size). Dean stuff his hands in his jean pockets, fearing being yelled at because he might accidentally touch something he’s not supposed to. 

Dean doesn’t know this stuff. All he knows are his gun, his machete, and his beloved rocket launcher. All he knows is the thrill of the final swing, the force of the punch, the blood on his knuckles, the cuts on his temple, and the last drop of the beer at the end of the night. He’s been a hunter all his life. John used to joke with him that he “fell out of the womb hunting.” Eventually, Dean taught himself to laugh at that. Meanwhile, Sam got to play around with his magic, or whatever. 

Dean couldn’t complain, though. Because of Sam’s dedication and practice and knowledge they had saved many people over the years. People Dean wouldn’t think twice about shooting first and asking questions later. Sam had a talent for it, a knack. And Dean could see he thoroughly enjoyed it too, which was always a plus. You don’t want your younger sibling being unhappy because you dragged him back into something  he tried to run away from. Ultimately, Sam was practically the only family Dean had left. He’d do anything to keep him content. 

Thus why some of their hunting trips weren’t hunting trips at all. They were more like Dean-so-get-this-there’s-this-crystal-from-Colorado-that’s-supposed-to-heal-wounds-with-the-right-spell-could-we-go-find-it road trips. Dean grumbles for show, but he is always happy to be the Designated Driver. 

Looking around the basement, Dean furrows his eyebrows as he spies two notebooks, sitting atop one another on the table. Eileen appears from behind him, and Dean nods at her. 

She follows his eyesight, chuckles and then says, “He filled them with notes last night.” 

Dean can’t hide his surprise. “He had a lot to say, then.” 

Eileen shrugs. “He was trying to get all he learned from Cas somewhere concrete. Just in case.” 

“In case of what?” Dean turns to her, leaning down a bit. 

Eileen sighs, seeming a bit hesitant. “Sam told me the spell is for erasing memories. But he’s going to try and incorporate some additional spells to sort of… erase his monster side?” she scrunches her nose. She ends up mouthing and signing her suggestion,You should ask him, because Sam is in the room with them, meticulously drawing something in his corner. 

Dean frowns, but nods anyways. He doesn’t want to talk to Sam. Not right now, anyways, because Castiel is right there too, right next to him, sitting almost daintily in his dentist chair from the day before. His hands are wound together over his stomach (he’s still wearing Dean’s flannel), and his foot is tapping lightly on the air, like he’s impatient. 

He’s definitely avoiding Dean’s eyes. 

Dean does feel bad about how it went down with them last night. He doesn’t want to admit, not even to himself, really, that he wants to try something with Cas too. The history is too complicated, too filled with gaps, and secrets, and when he really looks at it objectively, it just doesn’t seem worth it. 

But, god. The way Cas looks at him, and the way he feels when he’s around. That’s not something he’s felt for a while now. It goes deeper than the night they were at the bar. That was lust filled, and drink dazed. Now, Dean is aware that Castiel knows him, has been with him all along, since the very first night they met. Dean is aware he doesn’t know this half-man, half-monster who knows him, but he is aware he wants to know. How fucked up is that? He’s pushing it down, deeper into the crevices of his chest, but he wants to know Castiel. He knows he does. 

He needs to make sure he can. Dean is still appalled at Castiel’s request. He is the best hunter in history, he knows his worth in the game, but he doesn’t think he can follow through with what Castiel wants. He just feels it in his bones. Dean can’t kill him. 

When Sam starts the spell, it takes all of Dean’s muscles working to make him keep still; make him wait. 

Sam has drawn a bunch of symbols on various pieces of paper. Perfect circles and diagonal lines and swirls and cross-looking things that come together in loopy images. He sets the pieces of paper down one by one on the table in a specific order to form a circle. Then he picks up the biggest bowl and puts it in the middle of the circle, within the paper circumference. He puts the rest of the smaller old wooden bowls around the bigger bowl, forming its own circle. 

With careful, practiced hands, he picks up the colorful weeds, undoes the string that holds the thin branches of leaves together, and drops them in their rightful smaller bowls, spreading them out. He picks up a sleek wooden smasher and flattens each weed in its own bowl, one by one. Dean holds his breath as he watches Sam do the next step. 

Sam picks up the smaller vials of blood, rips away the seal, and drizzles the contents over each small bowl, on top of the smushed weeds. Eileen probably senses Dean’s stress, because she hooks her hand under his forearm and holds him. He starts breathing again after the gesture. Sam finishes off with dumping the entire largest vial of blood into the main greater center bowl, covering ¼ of it. 

Sam pushes the extra instruments to the side, giving him more room on the table, and then he takes a small match box out of his back pocket. 

He turns to Castiel and looks him directly in the eyes. “It’s ready. Are you sure you want to go through with this?” 

“More than anything,” Castiel assures him, jaw set, chest puffed out. 

Sam sighs and nods. “Right. Okay. If this goes wrong, I suspect the worst that can happen is you losing your memory, which is what the notes we took yesterday are for. Unfortunately, that’ll be irreversible, but you’ll still be… you.” 

Castiel���s eyes flash to Dean’s for a second. “It’s worth a try. I have contingency plans, Sam. Do it, please.” 

Sam’s lips turn downwards in a frown, but he still nods. He wraps Castiel’s wrist with leather, tying him to the chair. Dean can see the stark contrast between the almost white scar on the back of his hand, and the dark brown leather. 

Sam steps away and fishes out a single match. He’s poised over the table where the spell is set up. He rolls his shoulders back, stands up straighter, closes his eyes and tilts his head up, mentally preparing himself. 

Dean admires how he’s in his element, and then Castiel speaks: “At any rate, I wanted to apologize for my inappropriate behavior during your lives, and to say that I am glad I met you all. Thank you for helping me, truly.” He’s looking at Dean as he finishes, and all Dean can do is swallow his feelings down. He’s fearing for Cas. For himself, too. 

“We’ll see you on the other side, Cas,” Sam grins, then strikes the match. Dean’s worldview is reduced to that flame. 

Sam starts quietly chanting, “Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

The papers start glowing immediately. As in, the drawings themselves start to shine a muted orange color, growing in reach upwards as Sam continues chanting, “Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

When the light is shining about at Sam’s chest, he drops the lit match in the center bowl. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

Castiel’s blood ignites in the bowl, red-orange. The temperature in the basement escalates. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

The center bowl is aflame. It catches onto the smaller bowls that surround it. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

Each small bowl lights up with the color of the weeds Sam smushed earlier. There’s a red, a green, a yellow, a blue, a purple, a white, and a black fire surrounding the main orange flame. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

The lights of the illuminated drawings start to move, curve to the center, closer to the main bowl. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

They connect to the orange fire in the middle, making a sort of cone shape; pointy end at the top. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

The colors start to darken, looking more pronounced. They are trapped inside the confines of the orange cone. Dean takes Eileen’s hand in his. 

“Dedisco. Dono. Dissulto.” 

It’s then that Castiel sucks in a gasping wheezing breath. His veins, visible on his head and neck and hands light up in orange hues from under his skin. He pinches his eyes shut and throws his head back, groaning. Dean wants to run to him, but Eileen keeps him grounded by squeezing his hand. 

“Dedisco! Dono! Dissulto!” Sam yells, then drives his palm straight down into the pointy end of the cone, like he’s stabbing his hand with it. It shatters the structure completely. 

Castiel gives out a last cry, his skin glows brighter than ever, and then he’s falling limp in the chair. The flames are doused out at the table, like Sam threw water at them. 

The room is cold again, and when Dean finally takes his eyes off Castiel, he sees Sam is smiling like he just heard the ice cream truck pass by. 

**** 

Castiel wakes up almost a week later. Of course, it’s exactly within the hour that Dean leaves his bedside to go make some mid-afternoon pancakes for himself. 

He’s in the kitchen, dripping a shit-ton of syrup on top of the large thick stack (he likes them fluffy) when he sees Eileen run in from the hallway. 

She signs, He’s awake. 

Dean is too tired to understand for a few seconds, and then she signs it again and points behind her, smiling. The lightbulb goes off in Dean’s head and then he’s running with the plate of pancakes and the syrup bottle still in his hands, giving Eileen a kiss on the cheek as he passes her. He hears her giggle. 

When Dean bursts into his room (he insisted they put Castiel in his room), he sees Sam standing next to the bed, hands on his hips, frowning down at Castiel who is sitting on the edge of Dean’s bed, head hung low and tucked in his chest. 

Dean doesn’t know what the fuck is happening, but he knows it shouldn’t be. He goes into Mom Mode. 

“Cas! Welcome back to the world of the living!” He sets the plate of pancakes and the syrup bottle on his desk, and then walks over to crouch in front of Castiel’s legs. Dean tries to catch his eyes, “Hey, man. What are you doing sitting up? Sam told me this spell should have killed you, take a breather, rest for a bit more. You deserve it, dude.” 

Sam shuffles next to him, silent, but Dean is not paying attention to him. When Castiel finally looks up, he squints and tilts his head at Dean. Dean beams. It’s so familiar, and he didn’t know he missed it so much. He’s smiling so hard it hurts. 

Then Castiel says, “Who are you?”

Dean’s stomach drops like an anvil. His head floats for a second, and when it attaches back, all he can think of is how he’s lost Castiel. Fuck, he’s lost him. Forever. 

Dean is feeling the burn in the back of his eyes, and he thinks he’s going to cry, but then he hears Sam from above him. Dean stands up and turns to his brother, who has one hand covering his mouth, and he’s… snickering. He is. Sam is laughing! 

Dean whips his head to Castiel, who’s switched his confused squint to a warm gummy smile. He’s chuckling. His eyes are bright and blue and shining. They recognize him. Dean breathes again. 

“Fuckin’ assholes!” Dean turns to punch Sam in the arm lightly, crossing his own with an angry huff. “I can’t believe you pulled that with me!” 

Sam is still chuckling, dimples showing. “I’m sorry, dude! It was too good not to.” 

“It was purely Sam’s idea,” Castiel defends himself. 

Dean puts his whole body behind his eye roll. “Don’t go having anymore of those, Samuel. They suck.” 

Sam claps him on the shoulder, and Dean irritably shrugs him off, making his brother smile even wider. “It’s Sam, and you love me anyways.” He turns to look down at Castiel. “Well, Cas--can I call you Cas?” 

Castiel nods, grinning. “Of course, Sam.” 

Sam is an excited puppy. “Welcome to humanity, Cas! We’re lucky to have you.” He saunters out of the room, still smirking to himself, leaving Dean with a wink. 

After Sam closes the door behind him, Dean sits down in the chair right next to his bed, the one he’d been occupying for the last week, watching Cas sleep, like he was perching over his shoulder. He’s right in front of Castiel, still sitting on his bed, hands clasped around his kneecaps. 

“So, it really worked? Sam cleared you? You-you’re…” Dean can’t finish the thought. His brain is racing. 

Castiel looks proud, maybe a little emotional. “I am. I am human now.” 

They meet eyes, and the world is suspended again. Castiel looks soft, and a little tired, but strangely, he looks the same. Dean knows he won’t be able to lift heavy things, knows he won’t crave humans anymore, but he also knows Castiel is still going to make tea and gently hand him the warm mug. He knows Castiel will still tug on the hem of his clothes, and he’s probably still going to wear that trenchcoat. Something in Dean’s heart breaks as he realizes Castiel is the same, apart from the blood running in his veins. Dean feels a little ashamed. 

Castiel breaks the stare, and clears his throat. “Thank you for helping me, Dean. You’ve saved my life, but I won’t say I am forever in your debt, because I now realize that it’s the same toxic sentiment that has dictated my life for the last 15 years. I won’t bother you anymore, but I offer my services, if you ever come to need them.” 

“Cas--” 

Castiel holds him in a serious stare. “I’ll go, Dean. As promised.” 

Dean grabs Castiel’s hand, the one with the scar, when Castiel stands up to leave. He forces himself to say, “I don’t want you to.” 

Castiel furrows his eyebrows, and after a moment, he sits down on the bed again. He lets Dean hold his hand. 

“I was wrong. Cas, I was so wrong.” 

“In what way?” 

Dean swallows. “We’re all monsters.” 

Castiel huffs. “Dean--” 

“We are,” Dean doesn’t let him speak, he needs to get it out before he gets too scared. “You may have literally been one your whole life, but you fought against it. You forced yourself to be better, and you were of service to people. You fuckin’... gave up your life to watch me! To protect me, and Sam! But you don’t actually know us. Especially me. I’m not who you’ve been seeing from a distance. I’m not who my father made you think I am.” 

Castiel nods, pursing his lips, eyes turning down at the corners. “Of course not, Dean.” 

Dean takes a shuddering breath. “I’ve done things in the past because I wanted to be violent. That’s all. They might have been monsters but I just wanted to be violent, and I shouldn’t be thought of as a hero because of that. In my own way, I’m just as much of a monster as you. Maybe I’m worse. I gave into it,” he mumbles.  

 Castiel squeezes his hand. “You were never a monster to me. And you were never a perfect hero. And you were never what your father made you seem. You are just a man, Dean. Just a human. That’s what I admired about you. That’s what I wanted to be. Imperfect, but pure of heart. And now, thanks to you, I am,” he smiles. 

“Cas, I’m sorry. I really am.” Dean doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for, but he thinks Cas understands. He always seems to. 

“I know, Dean. I am sorry as well. I should have contacted you sooner. I’ve lived in the shadows for too long. I almost forgot my human side.” 

Dean grins. “Now you don’t even have a human side. You’re all human.” 

“I am.” 

“Maybe you always were, Cas. Thanks for not killing me 15 years ago.”

Castiel chuckles. “Anytime.” 

“So, what now?” 

“Now… I guess I make something of myself,” Castiel sighs. 

Dean smiles, feeling once again like he’s on leveled ground with Castiel. Feeling like they’re leaning against a wall at the bar again. Feeling like the moment Castiel hesitated to kill him. Feeling hopeful. 

“Well, you can’t do that on an empty stomach.” Dean lets go of Castiel’s hand, stands up and goes over to the plate of pancakes and syrup. He brings it back and puts the plate on Castiel’s lap. “You must be starving. Here, I made pancakes, I hope you like syrup,” he says sheepishly. 

“I don’t know if I do,” Castiel says slowly, shyly. Dean realizes what he said and almost facepalms, feeling his ears burn with embarrassment. 

“Right. Right. Sorry, yeah, duh—um. Why don’t you-uh. Just try it.” 

Castiel cuts a small piece, soaked in syrup, and pops it in his mouth. Dean bites his lower lip, watching as he chews, and he’s wondering if he put too much butter or flour and that’s why Cas doesn’t like it, but then Castiel’s face lights up. He blinks at Dean, reaches over and takes the syrup from his hand, and dumps more on top of the pancakes. 

Castiel looks into Dean’s soul when he says, “I love it.”

[quakerjoe]

"Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that 1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and 2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

[reading-writing-revolution]

A person asked the question, "Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that 1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and 2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

//Meanwhile, I’m not a Liberal either, and I’m a veteran of 20 years with 13 deployments to combat zones.//

[laceymorganwrites]

Fluff Alphabet: Kidd

A=Affection

Kidd´s affectionate in his own way, he´ll boast About his Partner in public and have an arm around you, but in private he can be more intimate with you, resulting in him giving you all the affection, this depends on his mood though.

B=Breath

Stand up for him. Sure, you can wear nice Things and fight good, but the second you defend him and are Ready to fight for his sake, that´s really what takes his breath away, it´s just so unusual for him and he cherishes that the most. 

C=Cuddle

When you´re in private he absolutely loves to cuddle! In a constant cuddle mood. If he had a bad day, he´ll just wrap his arms around you from behind and groan as he Rests his head on the space between your shoulder and neck. He´ll pout and try to get you away from whatever you were doing to drag you to bed so that he can have his arms around you and rest his head on your chest, this is is favorite cuddle Position and he just feels so safe and warm like this, it relaxes him immensely. And when he´s happy he wants to cuddle you too, also loves it when you initiate cuddles.

D=Dream

This may Sound out of character but he wants to settle down with his S/O sometime. After all the crazy chaos and danger he´s been through, he wants to Focus on his S/O when it´s all over. Before that he wants to go on adventures with his Partner though and appear in the newspaper with them, reading About the pirate couple that they are would make him really happy.

E=Effort

It really depends. Kidd´s been in a lot of relationships and they all were short Lasting. Sometimes Kidd goes over the top with the effort and the relationship still Ends and sometimes he doesn´t give any effort whatsoever. With a Special S/O though it´ll go a bit like this: medium effort in Dating, even less effort at the start of the relationship, then the longer they´re together the effort will rise as he doesn´t want to lose his Partner, so they´ll have to be Patient. 

F=Fear

Depening on the Level of scared, Kidd will either tease them or protect them. If it´s something silly like Spiders or something, he´ll tease them mercilessly, if it´s something like heights, he will guide his S/O through it and protects them and if it´s a phobia he also tries his best to be supportive and help.

G=Gifts

Kidd doesn´t give Gifts on Purpose and he would never buy one, he just thinks those couples who constantly buy each other stuff are stupid and don´t love each other. So he doesn´t want you to buy him stuff as an empty gesture, if you buy him scrap metal or some strings for his guitar however he wouldn´t be mad since it Shows that you care and listen, he likes thoughtful Gifts. Kidd´s more on the gift giving side though, he spends unhealthy amounts awake and tinkering, writing and drawing some stuff. Most of it is because you´re his muse and he Gifts you those Things (he also writes Songs for you).

H=Hugs

Literally hugs you all the time, doesn´t care if you´re in public or not, you´re his and he Shows it. Blushes so hard when you come up and hug him though. In private the hugs are of Course a bit more intimate and Long Lasting. 

I=Intimacy

Kidd certainly is more intimate with his longterm Partner than with anyone else, but that doesn´t mean he was from the beginning. It took a Long time for him to open up and let another Person in, so the thought of intimacy wasn´t there in the beginnin of the relationship, only after a bond of trust was built. Kidd likes to be intimate with you, it makes him feel Special and he likes showing you how much he loves you. But he´s not good at words, or romance, but he really tries his best in his own way. 

J=Jealous

Kidd is in a constant state of jealousy as he is insecure and hates himself and is used to betrayal. He´s asking himself every day why his Partner is still with him when they could do so much better. He´s good at hiding his jealousy, but when something happens that causes his jealousy to get more intense, like someone openly flirting with you or touching you, he gets overprotective and mad. He will beat up the Person and pull you close to him. Needs a lot of reassurance.

K=Kiss

Kidd´s a good kisser, though he might not seem like it. Sure they are Rough, but not to an uncomfortable Level. He likes to kiss you on your temple. When you make out he starts with teasing kisses, barely touching your lips. Kidd likes it when you take initiative and kiss back eagerly, especially when you make out he likes it when you guide him to kiss you the way you like it. Is a sucker for kisses on the cheek, will blush every time you do it. Also likes to kiss you on your shoulders and likes to receive Hand kisses.

L=Love

He will say it only after an agonizingly Long time since he is scared of rejection and doesn´t want you to leave him. Kidd falls in love at first sight, but he knows it´s stupid to say those words early on, that´s why he waits and because he wants to be sure he means them, that the Feeling stays. Kidd doesn´t say it too often since he wants the words to be Special, only really says them before leaving for a big journey, after and before a big fight with enemies. So he definitely prefers to Show it, though he´s not the best at it.

M=Marriage

Hell no. Kidd thinks marriages are stupid, most married People get divorced anyway and it´s just a lot of wasted Money and time. If you want to stay together then just do it, don´t make a big fuss About it, those are his thoughts. He also doesn´t like the Exploitation aspect of marriage, if the love in a relationship is lost you are still forced to be with your Partner, the marriages Kidd knows that lasted were all unhappy.

N=Night out

He likes to take you out on concerts, his ship or a bar where he´s well known, anywhere he can Show off and impress you. Kidd loves taking you out on Dates because you Always make such an effort for him and he for you, he likes Dressing up nice for you and spending time with you more intimately than just the normal time you spend together. He likes it even more when you ask him out, those Dates mostly resolve in Eating somewhere and then going to your favorite place to watch the stars, which to Kidd is peaceful and Relaxing. He loves hugging you from behind and having you in his arms whenever you do. You don´t have much time for Dates but whenever you do you make sure to go out.

O=Out of the ordinary

Well in his past relationships he did everything for his Partners even if it made him uncomfortable, but with you he feels comfortable sharing his Limits and the Things he doesn´t want to do. He wouldn´t Change his appearance or the way he talks for his S/O, if he would he´d be Living a lie, and if his S/O want someone that´s not like him, they should just leave. 

P=Playful

He´s not really playful, but he does fuck with his S/O in the way that he sometimes misplaces their Things and Acts as if he doesn´t know what´s going on when they desperately try to find it. Kidd doesn´t know why, but he just thinks it´s cute to see you rummaging through your place, groaning and frustrated. In the end you Always have to ask him to help you find the object and that´s when he smugly ´finds´ it. 

Q=Questions

Kidd likes to have meaningful and serious conversations, especially About the world Government, of Course he wants to hear your view on it too. But he also asks you About your opinion in the simplest Things on a daily Basis, such as if his Shirt or nail polish Looks good, if you think he should get this lipstick he saw,  etc. He just values your voice so much and it´s Always better to have more than just one opinion to make decisions rationally. On the other Hand Kidd doesn´t really like sharing his opinion in those trivial matters since he thinks it´s unnecessary. If you ask him however he will tell you. If it´s About Things with more weight to him, he will not hesitate to speak up About it.

R=Random

It´s Eustass Kidd. Of Course it´s spontaneous, everything the man does, he wings, it´s the same with your relationship. Be it Dates or whatever, he doesn´t bother with plans, he knows what he likes and what you like so that´s what he goes off on. If it´s About activities Kidd can Change his mind quick since he can´t just do one Thing for a really Long time, he has to have some diversity in his activities, he has to Keep himself busy. You have to adapt to those changes, but that´s quite easy once you get the hang of it. Kidd doesn´t have a Problem with you planning Things though because you have his mood swings and such in mind and Always come up with something good. He actually really likes the Things you plan and Always gets excited because he likes surprises with you.

S=Sleep

You have to be someone really Special to get Kidd to Sleep in a bed with you, or to Sleep at all. Kidd doesn´t Sleep until he absolutely has to, never goes to Sleep voluntarily, just passes out. The only times he actually goes to Sleep are when he´s being depressed or drank too much. Usually he will fall asleep on his working table, working on some scrap metal. You put a blanket around him. Bed sharing only happens after sex with him, and only with you, because only with you he´s comfortable with letting his guard down and actually sleeping. There´s something comforting in the way you´ll be there when you wake up. Kidd has a very light Sleep and is easly woken up, otherwise he´ll lay on his side and be dead quiet. You Always aks yourself how he manages not to move in his Sleep.

T=Trust

Trust is a very delicate matter with him. Kidd has never trusted anyone, despite Killer. Killer is the only Person he fully Trusts. Kidd is weary of everyone, he Always thinks the worst of People and that they will eventually backstab and betray him, it´s what his experience has shown him. The world he lives in is too cruel to trust, everyone is selfish, that´s what he´s learned from a Young age. So naturally it takes him a Long ass time to even come close to trusting you. There will Always be that Little part inside of him that tells him he shouldn´t trust you, he will never trust you as much as he Trusts Killer, but he Trusts you more than others, way more. 

U=Unique

I mean he is a very unique personality already but besides the overprotection and possesiveness as well as his way of affection what I think takes the cake for what makes him unique as a S/O is that he is his S/O´s biggest fan. No matter what you do, it can be as simple as cooking something, he will be there to cheer you on, telling you you´re doing amazing and are the best. Turns all your Hobbies into Competitions somehow, Kidd supports them all wholeheartedly but he´s just going off About how you´re kicking everyone else´s ass in your Hobbies. Kidd is very interested in you, your Hobbies, interests, likes and dislikes. He will share your excitement and voice it louder than you, it´s his way of showing he cares and it´s really sweet. He´s too attentive to put it in a nutshell.

V=Vulnerable

Kidd is never fully vulnerable with his S/O, he doesn´t know how to be. The only Person who sees him in this state is Killer. However when he has a bad breakdown or something else happened that made him snap and be vulnerable, he will come to you for comfort, it´s only the way to the breakdown you don´t see. Kidd hates crying so he tries to reppress it, which Ends up in him forgetting to breathe and having a Panic attack. When he has a depressive Episode he will hurl up in bed all day/week, however Long it takes and won´t talk to anyone, he won´t let anyone close. But whenever you come by he tugs at your clothes and so you join him and cuddle up to him. It helps him a lot knowing you´re there for him, physical contact from you also calms him down a lot. 

W=Wildcard

Takes a lot of Pictures and collects them in photo Albums. He has one with Killer, one with you and one with his Crew. He´s currently working on one with couple Pictures and one with Group Pictures. He also has one from his band and wants to get one with his Idols and Friends (if he finds some). Whenever he´s Feeling down or is having a bad day he likes to look at them to remember good times, it Always makes him smile. He will call Killer and you to look at the Pictures with him and you three end up reminisceing and sharing stories. 

X=X-Ray

If you happen to get injured on his watch hell is About to break loose and god help the poor bastard who dared lay a Hand on his S/O. Needless to say if you got injured by another Person they´re dead now. If he wasn´t there though and only finds you injured or if you injured yourself at home he will rush you to the nearest Hospital or doctor (even if it´s something minor). 

Y=Yuck

Well, everything About this man is a giant pet peeve and red flag, so pick your Poison. Be it his mood swings that tick you off or the way he´s so handsy with you, his stubborness… there are more than enough Things to get annoyed by. For Kidd however he doesn´t like it when your Makeup is cakey (if you do Makeup anyway), it´s stupid but it just gets on his nerves, and he can get really annoyed if you have a certain Phrase or word you tend to overuse and say a lot. 

Z=Zeal

Kidd isn´t overly passionate but he certainly is in some ways, for example he is passionate About your Hobbies and the way you look. He likes it when his S/O is passionate too, especially About the same Things he is. 

[nunonabun]

If you don't mind answer (Since I'm loving you digging into other answers you give!) What do you think about the show's seemingly Anti-Adoption standpoint? Even when it's for the best interest of the child, or the mother's insistent on it, they seem to do everything they can to convince the mother otherwise. Even when the mother couldn't afford the child at all, and had a home lined up for them, they talked her out of it.

Thank you for the question! Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to, I wanted to attempt a thorough answer but I had a lot going on, so it got a tad forgotten in the drafts.

Your ask is quite a toughie. I don’t know that I’d actually characterize the show as having an anti-adoption viewpoint, I think the show is often trying to be conscious of the way class and other social structures interacted with the adoption system at the time, while also trying to deal with other issues adoption raises. I think sometimes they do well with that, but sometimes, while trying to shine a light on one thing, they manage to fall into other biases. I’ll put the rest under a ‘read more’ as this did get a biiiit long.

Class had (and has, really) a big role in adoption, and views of who “deserved” to be a parent often had harmful impacts. It’s a complicated and difficult subject, and there are lots of factors that can come into play in each case, but shame and other pressures were often usedto essentially force poor and/or single mothers to give up children. Some children were outright taken from the biological mother (or couple, in some cases, though overwhelmingly judgement landed on single women) that wanted them and were trying to keep them. The choice wasn’t really a free choice as they often weren’t given the support they would need in order to make keeping the child a viable option for them, nor were they given support in thoroughly thinking through all of their options and deciding what they truly want. Also, young, single, working-class women were generally condemned for becoming pregnant and were often pressured to give the child up so that they could be given to a ‘better’ family (i.e. middle-class straight couple. Having a British background & being Christian did also come into it).  

Another aspect of portraying adoption is contending with the bias that a ‘real’ family is biological; that there’s some kind of innate bond between people who are biologically linked that is not present between those who aren’t (I’m going to call this the ‘biology bias’ for convenience’s sake). The elements of classism and biology bias (and bias against single parents, homophobia, racism, etc.) can interact in complex ways. Trying to realistically portray negative aspects of the adoption system that aren’t often talked about can result inseemingly playing into the ‘child should stay with their real family’ prejudice. Or it can both critique the class bias and buy into the biology bias. The latter case often takes the form of ‘well I guess the adoptive couple is providing a promising future for the child, it’s just a shame that it comes at the cost of a deeper/truer love, as the child would have had with the bio family’ in media portrayals. Or sometimes the inverse can happen (undercutting the biology bias but accepting the class bias) and you get an attribution of blame instead of an examination of how people are constrained by their situations in a way that couldbe resolved with good social supports, à la ‘those (lower-income) people were just bad parents who don’t deserve a child, the child should be given to a good (middle-class) couple.’ And plenty of other complex issues arise when the axes of race & nationality, physical & mental differences, gender, etc. come into play. It’s really a hard thing to navigate and communicate all of the elements that are wrapped up in adoption, and I’d say portrayals are often in the grey zone.

To disentangle the elements in CtM’s portrayals of adoption, I’m going togo ahead and take a little look at all of the examples of adoption in the show and try to examine what they’re aiming for and what I think they convey. Please feel free to point out if I’ve missed one or if you think I’ve missed elements of one portrayal or have misconstrued things. Strap in guys, this is hecking long. Or jump down to the Tl;dr, that’s fine too.

First, in 1x02, we have Mary, the Irish girl who came to London, was taken advantage of and pressured into prostitution and became pregnant. Jenny tries to help her, but as she is single, poor, still a child herself, and a prostitute, the child is removed from Mary (and in episode 4 we discover that that has seriously mentally scarred her, resulting in her taking someone else’s child in an attempt to regain what was taken from her.) Here we see pretty much exactly what I was talking about above. Society saw Mary as morally unfit (as being poor, a prostitute, and single & pregnant were judged to be personal failures/sins, and there was additional prejudice against Irish people), so there was no safety net for her, no public services provided so that she, even as poor and young as she was, could realistically raise the child if she wanted to. You could say it might be unjust to leave the child with Mary, given her circumstances, but I think CtM is showing that her circumstances didn’t have to be what they were. If she wasn’t judged so on a moral basis, she wouldn’t be condemned to continue in those circumstances and she wouldn’t have had her child taken from her against her will. If she had been given a free choice and support in making it and carrying it out, she may have kept the child or she may have given it up, but either way, the outcome for Mary wouldn’t have been as terrible as it was.  

The second case we see is Doris Aston, in 3x02. Doris is married and has a few children already, and reveals that her current pregnancy is likely the result of an affair with a black man. Obviously, her husband (who is white) will know she was unfaithful when the child is born, and she and the child will be at risk as her husband is abusive (it’s revealed throughout the episode that he is controlling and aggressive, even prior to learning of his wife’s infidelity.) In the end, the child (who Doris names Carole) is taken out of the house, with the husband threatening to kill Carole if she remains. Carole is taken to the Turners’ to foster and then sent on to her middle-class adoptive family.This episode is meant to shine a light on another pressure that results in women not having a free choice in life, particularly around sexuality and children. Divorce was heavily stigmatizedat the time, and it wasn’t easy for a woman to get a divorce from her husband if he didn’t agree to it, especially if the couple already had children together. Therefore, if a woman was unhappy in a marriage, or even suffering abuse, there wasn’t much recourse for her. Yes, in this situation Doris did cheat, but the circumstances of that are complicated. What’s more, as a result of it, she doesn’t really have a free choice in whether to keep her daughter (and sons) and leave her husband (which she wanted) or stay and work it out either with or without Carole. The only real choice she has is to give the child up and hope her husband a) doesn’t find and hurt the baby, b) isn’t violent towards her as a result of him learning about her infidelity, and c) that she can bury her emotions around Carole and essentially pretend she never existed/died at birth. So the episode is seeking to portray the way women, especially working-class women, were unjustly constrained; forced into choices they would not freely have made. Race is touched on only briefly, in that it’s the element that renders Doris’ infidelity evident, and also a mixed-race child is more difficult to place within the adoption system. This isn’t really explored much, as Carole is quickly adopted and we don’t actually really see how her being mixed affects this.An element of this episode that I think they mishandled was buying into the ‘true family is bio family’ prejudice via their attempt to portray the injustice Doris faced and sympathize with her. This mainly comes in near the end of the episode, where they reinforce the idea that Doris is Carole’s ‘real’ mother. Doris herself worries that Carole “won’t know I’m her mother,” and Sister Julienne says “If Carole searches for her mother one day, hopefully records will bring her to us,” Here I think the norm of just saying “mother” as though the adoptive mother Carole will have isn’t really her mother, is partially just because they’re showing that Doris does feel she is Carole’s mother and doesn’t actually want to give her up, however it does play into the biology bias. This is deeply reinforced when Vanessa Redgrave chimes in with a “[Doris] trusted in God that Carole would have a good life with good people who would give her the future she couldn’t. More than anything, she wished she could have kept her because whatever anyone else might feel, it couldn’t be what Doris felt. Her daughter was of and from her. They were a part of each other and always would be.” That could generously be interpreted as Mature Jenny just conveying what Doris believed, but even so, there’s a heavy narrative buy-in to that message, and the message is clearly ‘Doris wanted to keep her daughter and ought not to have been forced to give her up. Biology and gestation result in an inherent, unbreakable bond that cannot be replicated and it is therefore regrettable that Carole had to be given to a family that - though financially secure, potentially kind, and distant from the threat of violence - lack that bond.’ That message again seeks to convey the injustice of Doris’s situation and sympathize with her pain, but in doing so, it implies that adoptive families lack this deep, automatic bond forged via biology and are therefore inherently weaker. They may provide a more materially promising future for the child, but unfortunately, they aren’t as ‘true’ a family as a biologically linked one.Furthermore, Jenny says “[The adoption agency worker] spoke as though Doris had no link at all with her baby,” and notes that the adoptive parents requested no ongoing contact. These elements reinforce the portrayal of the adoption as cold and insufficiently recognizant of how the baby is ‘actually’ the biological mother’s. This bit is difficult, as Carole is not not Doris’s, and it’s totally fair for Doris to grieve for the loss of her daughter. Also, cutting off contact, not allowing any connection at all to the child’s birth family was commonly done and can be a very harmful practice. The adoption agency (and society at large) certainly thought Doris had no moral right to see Carole, as she chose to have an affair and is therefore a Bad Woman and a Bad Mother, and that is justly critiqued by the show. But I think, in this episode, the show is rather clumsy in its portrayal of this complex situation, and manages to imply that the adoptive family (and mother in particular) are kind of interlopers who are only a solution to a problem as opposed to being a potentially very loving family that is just as true of a family as a biological one. Where this reading is a bit shaken is that this is the start of the foreshadowing that the Turners will end up adopting a child, and their fostering of Carole for the night before she is adopted is shown in a very positive light. The whole scene is loving and sweet, and positive comments are made about Carole’s adoption (though sympathy is also extended to Doris.) So it’s a bit of a mixed bag, this episode. Overall I think that it does a good job with the class and sexism elements, but a poor job with handling the biology bias.

The third time adoption is portrayed (3x06), it’s more of a subplot that serves to introduce Shelagh and Patrick to the idea that adoption could be the answer to their desire to expand their family. Colin Monk, Tim’s friend, is revealed to be adopted. Learning this immediately prompts Shelagh to propose that she & Patrick pursue adoption to continue building their family. She comments: “I really don’t believe I’d have to carry a child inside my body for it to feel like ours. If I felt that, it would mean that loving Timothy has taught me nothing.” This is a firm rebuttal of the biology bias and it nicely links step and adoptive families, explicitly espousing a positive perspective on both.The episode does touch on the class & religious aspects too. Shelagh says that the adoption charity she went to was the Church of England Childrens’ Society, and notes: “I think they quite like the idea of us, a GP and a retired midwife. (…) As the lady [at the adoption agency] said, the children have already got off to a sorry start in life, they need the very best parents the agency can find them.” So, again, the show is bringing up the normative judgements around parenting, and the idea that a (straight) professional couple where the mother stays home is deemed morally deserving of children.The end of this episode also sees Patrick getting antsy about the conditions of adoption, correctly foreseeing that (in 3x07) his mental health struggles will cause the agency to deem him less deserving of a child (so here’s ableism coming in to play too.)Overall, I think these episodes did a good job with the adoption plot. They push back against the biology bias while also subtly highlighting who is deemed socially worthy of children in terms of class and health.

Fourth there’s 3x08, wherein the Turners adopt Angela. Here, the portrayal is overwhelmingly positive, with pretty much all of our excitement and sympathies going to the Turners, who are meeting their daughter for the first time. They’re excited about the news that they’re going to become parents in much the same way we see people on the show excited about an impending birth. Holding Angela for the first time (particularly with respect to Shelagh) is treated as having as much weight and love as any parent being handed their biological baby. Particularly, In The Mirror plays, a musical theme that has been used to score previous momentous transformations in Shelagh’s life (and Patrick’s, as those changes are often linked), Patrick says “here’s your mummy,” and Shelagh says “we have a daughter.” For me, that is slightly undercut by Shelagh saying “This is the closest I’m ever going to get to giving birth.” This implies that the experience is kind of a consolation prize, as close as they can get to what they’d ideally want; for Shelagh to carry and give birth to a child that is biologically theirs. I don’t think that’s necessarily what they meant to imply - especially given all the talk before and in later episodes about loving Angela as much as if she were biologically theirs - but that’s how that line read to me. But again, that is largely overwhelmed by the positive tone and emotions portrayed in that scene.Switching into the consideration of the other end of the equation, the biological mother, we have a very interesting choice to comment on the deeply uncomfortable situation that led to Angela becoming a Turner. When Patrick asks what she knows about the situation, Shelagh says: “Hardly anything, just that the mother is only 16 and she was meant to be taking the baby home with her, but at the last minute her parents changed their minds.” Timothy, always involved in the family building (another strong element of the portrayal) says “That’s terrible,” and Patrick reprimands him with a slightly curt “Tim.” Shelagh says, “That’s why they want a speedy settlement, to spare further trauma for those involved.” We, the viewers, are excited and happy about the Turners adopting, and then we’re hit with this slight insight into the other side of the equation. Though “our” family is getting its happy outcome, that results from a terrible thing having happened to a young, single girl (‘Miss Jones’.) We don’t know the class differential here, so there’s not much to work with, analysis-wise, on that front. Here, it’s more that Miss Jones doesn’t really have the option to contradict her parents in this society, which results in her being forced to give up the child she wanted to keep. So again the show highlights the lack of choice women (and girls) had, and hints at the moral judgements around who is worthy of being supported in their parenting project. Interestingly, this actually puts Shelagh (and Patrick, to some degree, though the whole plot really focusses more on Shelagh’s motherhood, which is a whole other discussion) a bit in the moral grey, as her (their) desire to have a child causes them to kind of callously brush past the injustice their daughter’s biological mother faced. Though that is slightly tempered by Shelagh noting that it’s felt that doing this all quickly is the least traumatic option, having her convey this information as they’re all rushing to pick up Angela really gets across how the injustices on the bio mother’s side of the picture just kind of get glossed over in the focus on joy of the adoptive family. We don’t take that bit more time to consider what actually results in the best outcome for all involved. That’s an interesting counterpoint to 3x02, where the adoptive family’s love and joy is glossed over by our focus on the sorrow and pain of Doris Aston. I would say though that 3x08 does a bit better at integrating all these elements, as the hurried discussion of the bio mother is, I think, clearly meant to bring us up short and make us consider that there are elements of injustice in this situation, whereas 3x02 doesn’t really give us much positive about the adoptive family. The following episode does give us some balance too, showing the Turners worrying about Angela’s biological mother while still clearly maintaining that Angela is as loved as she would be if she was biologically theirs. Shelagh and Patrick reflect on this together and with Timothy, and the ensemble decision is to send a letter to Angela’s biological mother (though administrative structures make it uncertain that the letter will reach her), giving her some closure as to what happened to the child she gave up. This serves to send the message that communication in the process of family-building is important, while also remaining grounded in a time where it was generally held that the best thing to do in an emotionally difficult situation was to not talk about it.

In the following episode, the Christmas special, we get the mother and baby home, which switches gear firmly into focussing on the judgement placed on unmarried women who become pregnant (especially young women) and the abuses these women (and girls) faced in the institutions they were sent to. First, there’s the fact that these institutions existed, largely tucked away to reinforce that falling pregnant outside of marriage is shameful and needs to be hidden. Then there’s the medical neglect within the home, the only staff being the Nonnatus volunteers and the drunken matron who runs the place. We see one case briefly where a baby is basically ripped from a young woman/girl who was not yet ready to say goodbye. Of our two main cases, we have one woman who decided to keep the baby though she was initially aloof and uncaring, and one who was totally comfortable giving the baby up and does so. I think a strong point of the episode was pointing out that whole Mother & Baby Home system is a result of and in many ways a reinforcement of the shaming and punishment of young, often poor, unmarried mothers for what was deemed a personal failing. We see this explicitly with Tim’s comment about “moral contagion,” wherein he’s voicing/testing out/subtly criticizing the mainstream view of the time. In England at the time, society operated on the idea that treating these women like any other pregnant women would be endorsing their sin/personal failing, and that would lead to a whole epidemic of this sort of thing, which would obviously be bad. So the episode as a whole is bringing that to light and critiquing it and the actions that resulted from it.On to the two main cases. One is a young woman/girl who decides to give her bio son up for adoption, saying that she’s happy to think that he’ll have a good life with people who love and want him and it’s the right choice for both of them. She is shown to have a supportive mother, indicating that sometimes, the choice was freer. The narrative is telling us that there were cases where - in spite of wider social prejudice against unmarried mothers - keeping the child would have been a viable option, but the bio mother decided that wasn’t what she wanted/what she judged to be the best outcome of the situation, and this is a perfectly fine choice to make.My feelings on the portrayal of the other young woman/girl are a bit more mixed. On the one hand, yes sometimes someone is totally set on giving up a child but their mind changes when confronted by the reality of the newborn. However, this storyline is a bit of an iffy trope and I think using it requires some delicacy. It’s very easy to fall into the ‘it’s your child and you will and ought to have a unique, automatic bond with it,’ which places a judgement on women who don’t automatically feel that bond, whether or not they want that child and whether or not they ultimately decide to keep that child. That normative view of bonding downplays the work that goes into bonding with a child and implicitly judges those whose bond is not automatic, as well as implying that there is a sort of bond that is exclusive to the person who gives birth to the child. On the plus side, that storyline directly contradicts the idea that these young women/girls don’t deserve to be mothers, and that is a point in its favour.On the whole, though I disagree with the ‘automatic bond’ portion of the one storyline, the episode benefits from having multiple storylines highlighting different elements within the overall focus on pregnant, unmarried young women/girls and the injustices they suffered as a result of sexism.

Sixth, we get the case of Marnie Wallace and Dot (and Eugene) Spenlow. Marnie and Dot are cousins, the former is poor, the latter is more middle-class. Marnie is pregnant and her husband has died fairly recently. She’s struggling with how she’s going to provide for this child as well as the children she already has. The main option is to give the child to Dot and her husband, who very much want a child but cannot have one biologically. This gets uncomfortable as Dot offers Marnie financial support on the condition that Marnie gives them the baby when it’s born. Marnie does this but is clearly unhappy about it. When we see Dot and Eugene with the baby, they seem fairly uncomfortable with caring for it/aren’t going about it as Marnie would, though they are happy. Marnie decides she can’t live with this and takes the baby back, and though Dot and Eugene are upset, they come to accept this and give her all the stuff they bought for the baby. I’m not entirely sure what the episode was going for. There’s the theme of poor women being forced to give up children out of financial necessity (lack of resources & support made available to them), and there’s the theme of family pressuring a woman to make certain decisions about her children. I think they were trying to highlight class dynamics, and that resulted in the episode portraying a more middle-class part of a family directly preying on a poorer family member and taking her child. My discomfort with that (and I think it’s a discomfort that many viewers had) is not around Marnie not deserving to have the support she needs to raise a child that she truly wants. Portraying class struggles has always been an important element of this show and a praiseworthy one. The reason this episode drew some criticism (at least, on tumblr), I think, is that the portrayal of the couple who cannot biologically have children feels malicious. It feels like the message being sent is that there’s something virtuous about being able to have children even when you “have nothing but love,” whereas the barren couple is materialistic, not naturally good at parenting like someone who can bear children and inherently unable to provide the love that the bio mum could give the baby. That Dot practically bribes Marnie to give her the baby borders on a caricature and makes me question why it was written this way, as opposed to, say, having Dot and Eugene being portrayed more sympathetically (i.e. not bribing Marnie, offering her help) and perhaps having Marnie struggle to communicate with them that she feels pressured into a choice that she’s not comfortable with. While the situation that was portrayed isn’t wildly out there in terms of things that could and probably do happen within families, the predatory portrayal of the Spenlows seems to condemn them for being unable to have children that are biologically theirs. And that’s not a super great message to send.Oh yeah, and Tom has some feelings about the fact that he was adopted. That part of the episode felt quite tacked on. I think they were trying to communicate that a person who was adopted may have complicated feelings about the circumstances leading to their adoption when they grow up. How do you process a situation in which your biological mother was forced to give you up, but you love and were & are very happy with your adoptive family? What if you just don’t know the circumstances in which you were given up but fear they were traumatic for your biological mother/family? I think those are all very good questions to explore and I would love to see the show do a good job of exploring them. This episode wasn’t it. Putting Tom questioning those things against the backdrop of Marnie and Dot, the negative message of their story casts a shadow over those questions such that, instead of really exploring them, you’re left with the feeling that the show is saying ‘yeah, that was probably a bad thing that you weren’t raised in your biological family.’ I think they tried to provide balance to this by having Tom maintain that he loved his family and had a very normal childhood and he didn’t even think about the fact of his adoption, but I don’t think it worked. I also think that positioning ‘I didn’t even question that I was adopted and never thought about the circumstances of my birth & bio parents’ as the sign of a positive outcome of adoption is problematic. A person can be curious about and care about their bio family and the circumstances that led to their adoption without that being a slap in the face of their adoptive family or a sign that they were/are unhappy/unsatisfied with their adoptive family. Overall, though there were a few good elements to this episode… it was a bit of a trainwreck.

Seventh, there’s the 2018 Christmas Special. In this episode, we get the case of Anthea (Tillerson) Sweeting, who was abused by her father throughout her life and was then turned out by her family when she became pregnant as a result of the abuse. She subsequently formed a family of her own composed of some children who are biologically hers, as well as some who are adopted and some who she (and her husband) are fostering. There is also the case of Linda & Selwyn, a couple living in a caravan who are preparing for the birth of a baby who is not biologically Selwyn’s. Their arc largely involves Linda escaping the cycle of self-blame and accepting that the man she loves and who loves her is fully committed accepting the child as his and continuing forward as a family. With both of these cases, the biology bias is directly contradicted. With the Tillerson/Sweeting situations, we compare a family where the biological father was abusive and the biological family as a whole failed to protect the children (though there are nuances as to the mother’s responsibility in a situation where she too was suffering abuse) to a strong, loving family where the degree of biological relatedness varies. Then with Linda & Selwyn, you have a family where the biological father is not in the picture and the non-biological father is shown to be loving and supportive and very likely a good father. The episode as a whole strongly communicates that it is the choice to love and the continued commitment to one another that makes a healthy family.  

Eighth and finally, we have the 2018 Christmas Special. I’m not going to go into the whole of May’s situation and its portrayal because there’s much to go into about fostering and, while fostering is related to adoption, it’s really a whole topic of its own. There’s also a discussion that could be had about religious institutions and their role in adoption, but that would really go into the role they have in childbirth as well and that is just a whole big other conversation we could have about the show. Also, frankly this reply is long as heck already and a million high fives to you if you’ve stuck with me this far. In this episode, we go to the Nonnatus Mother Ship House and learn that apparently, they run an orphanage. Sister Winifred has a nice storyline with a boy who has disabilities and is therefore unlikely to be adopted. It is shown that children like this were often pushed to the sides and not given the care they needed to flourish. They were also far less likely to be adopted because they have different needs from children without disabilities, so they’re not what people seek when adopting (or hope for when giving birth.) This was a strong point of the episode, as it highlights the ableism in society more generally and specifically within family-building and childcare. Then we have May, who is part of a group of orphans from Hong Kong whose adoptive parents do not show up to pick her up because the prospective father gets TB, so the Turners decide to take her to live with them as a foster child. We learn that May’s biological mother was a prostitute and struggled with addiction and that though she tried to keep May, in the end she couldn’t manage to care for her in the situation she was in. There’s lots going on here in terms of class, addiction, sex work, and international adoption (especially, in this case, the power differential between Hong Kong (a British colony) and the UK (the colonial power in this equation.)) Later in the episode (or possibly in the series), it’s mentioned that May isn’t fluently anglophone and the Turners will have to work on her English with her, but other than that, questions of race, culture, etc… aren’t really touched on. I hold out some hope that these will come up in the upcoming series but I think they could have been introduced a bit in this episode/series. Also on the subject of international adoption, we have the sad (and sadly mishandled) story of the Australian home children. These children were sent to Australia (and other Commonwealth countries) for adoption, but were actually treated more as a source of free labour on farms. We actually did see this mentioned at the end of a much earlier episode (4x01), where four children were left mostly alone in conditions of abject squalor due to a neglectful mother (that was pretty much played straight, we don’t really gain much insight as to what her story was) and after Nonnatus helps them, they’re sent off to Australia where they suffer further abuse. And this is repeated here, the pregnant woman in question loitering around the Mother House trying to gain the courage to enter the last place she was happy as a child and talk about the abuse she suffered when she was sent out from the orphanage within this program. I think there’s a positive to this, in that it’s shedding light on a dark aspect of history, but it seems like there may have been a larger point/concern they were trying to make about international adoption programs and the positives and negatives therein that just didn’t land.So overall, there was a lot going on in this episode, some positive elements around tackling ableism in adoption and orphanage care, and some missed elements in relation to international adoption programs.

Tl;dr (and it’s perfectly fine if you jump down here bctbh I wrote a whole freaking tome up there): Dismantling the notion that someone isn’t a “true” parent or isn’t “truly” a person’s child because there’s no biological link is massively important, as is dismantling the notion that you have this instant “natural” connection with your biological child (in terms of what that implies about non-genetic families, the judgement it holds about people who don’t bond instantly with their biological child, and that it erases the work of bonding.) Dismantling the biases about biological connections is helpful in pushing back against a variety of harmful views both within the context of families and family-building, and more broadly. (I’ve actually done some research into essentialist biases around genetics/”blood” and have some interesting papers on it, so please message me if you’re curious and would maybe like to nerd out about it.)

That being said, it’s also important to remember that not all of the choices around adoption are made freely. As with any form of family building, the social structures surrounding it shouldn’t be ignored. At the time, and even now, class, what is considered morally acceptable in a society, and family structure ideals all play into why children are removed from birth families, and which adoptive families they are placed with. They play a large role in who is given support in making, growing and sustaining a family, and who isn’t. Those structures largely favour(ed) straight, Christian, middle-class couples of British backgrounds and judged as worse or less deserving (or completely undeserving) gay, single, non-Christian and/or working-class people of non-British backgrounds.

It’s a really tricky subject, and trying to communicate that biology isn’t what makes you a parent while also showing how harmful the adoption process could be and how rooted it was (is) in unjust social norms & structures is important. I don’t think CtM always nails it, but I think the show benefits from tackling the subject multiple times, from some variety of perspectives, and with efforts at nuance.

[seh406]

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. He has shown that they also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. “The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise” and that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethically and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. We’ve all witnessed this with the latest world disaster, the Coronavirus. He was warned by scientists and doctors very early on that this could happen but he totally ignored these warnings which has had un-reversible repercussions. Have you also noticed that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is thin skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ole’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is the President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Again, this has been recently demonstrated with the Coronavirus Pandemic. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. ATTACK. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Does any of this sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta and he’s done this many times now with the

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama administration. I was hoping the tide would turn before it got much worse because the thing that scared me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? Well, that ship has sailed given Trumps past record and the latest current events that have gone horribly wrong.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading my reasons which I hope has given you my insight rather than just some superfluous statement I could have made that would have been pretty meaningless of why I cannot and never will support this man as someone I respect, let alone support him as our President.

[kingdomofkitten]

Ikariverse: Ikari’s Day Out (SPECIAL SURPRISE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WRITER STORY!)

Sooooo, um...you guys remember that ask I got, about a story told from the perspective of Ikari? Well, a couple of days ago, a near and dear friend of mine, @tonythegrey (who you should totally follow, he does great art) asked me if I was actually working on writing that. I told him no, as I have a few projects I’m trying to work on. A few days later, he sends me a document with this. I asked if he was planning on posting it, but he’d rather I do it, so that, and I quote, “your hungry fans will have something to read.” Is it canon with the Ikariverse? ......I honestly don’t know, but I thought it was pretty cute, and funny, so....that probably doesn’t mean anything, but still. Here’s Tony’s story, Ikari’s Day Out!

*It is early in the morning and we see little Ikari playing on his Mr. Spell while his two parents are frantically getting ready for work. What exactly is he typing into the keyboard toy, though?*

Ikari: *typing into his toy* Ikari’s Log; Stardate, August 10th. Mama made me a plate of toaster waffles. Quite odd, considering how I am only two years old, and my teeth haven’t fully developed yet. She and Dada are zooming across the house. I believe the reasoning behind my rushed breakfast was a result of poor timing as they are talking about being late for work. I assume that they are late. Perhaps listening in on their conversation will confirm my suspicions. *he perks his ears up to listen on them*

Retsuko: *patting herself* Do I have everything I need?! *patting Haida all over* Do you have everything?!

Haida: Gah! I’m ready! We just need a babysitter for Ikari!

Retsuko: Who are we gonna hire at such a short notice?! We need to get their now! 

Haida: Ah, you know I don’t like bringing him to our job! I feel like it has weird side effects on him!

Ikari: …*starts typing again* I really wish I could understand adult language better. As of right now, it all sounds like a blur with only a handful of words that I comprehend. Such is the curse of being so young. How I urge to have actual conversations with my beloved Mama and Dada. 

Retsuko: *coming up to him* Uh, Ikari, dear? We’re gonna have to take you to our work again! You know the rules, right?

Ikari: Babababah! :D 

*Later that same day, Retsuko and Haida are in the elevator to their work area*

Ikari: *typing* These slow elevator rides to Mama and Dada’s work tend to always be the most anxious part when I come along with them. Just a long melancholy journey to whatever chaos could be awaiting my parents and I. Will today be just a boring day like many others have been, or will something new and exciting occur? If the latter, will it be something good for my Mama and Dada? They appear to not like it here much, yet they arrive everyday. It’s typically where they interact most with Aunt Fenneko. Why do they put themselves through such torment? Do they take secret enjoyment from this ordeal? Is it all for my benefit? Or theirs? Is this the essence of existence itself? Am I too destined to be unhappy and spend most of my time in an area of which I do not enjoy being around? Is this all of our destinies? Are we here just to suffer? Are w- *suddenly the elevator stops, and the three are immediately greeted by Kabae!*

Kabae: HEY RETSUKO AND HAIDA! Aww! You brought little Ikari with you! *pinches his cheeks* Aw, he’s so cute that I could just eat him up!

Ikari: Hahahahahaha! :D 

Retsuko: Kabae. Don’t touch my baby’s cheeks. 

Kabae: Oop! Sorry! 

*sometime later*

Ikari: *typing* As I suspected, it appears to be a normal day of work for my beloved Mama and Dada. They spend most of their time apart from each other, as they do not work at neighboring desks. For two individuals who love each other to no end like they do, it must be heartbreaking to be so far apart. Even worse, it seems as if my Mama still acts as something of a servant to the Big Fat Meanie who swings that metal stick around all day. I do not like that Big Fat Meanie. He always bosses around my Mama, and brings her so much pain and suffering. Why does she put up with him? Why doesn’t she stand up for herself? She stood up for me when the daycare teacher gave me a timeout for throwing a ball at the door. Why is this any different… Ah well. At least my Mama has Aunt Fenneko to keep her company. 

Fenneko: *looking at Ikari who’s just kinda slapping his hand on the Mr. Spell* ...Your son is awfully attached to that calculator. 

Retsuko: It’s not a calculator! It’s supposed to help him spell and read words and stuff.

Fenneko: *he’s still slapping away* ...The sad thing? He’s probably a better speller than most people on social media these days. 

Ikari: Hahahaha! *typing* My Aunt Fenneko is very funny.

Tsunoda: *she drops by* Hey, giiiiiiiiiiirls~! *fondling Fenneko’s cheek* How’s my favorite booty-call doin’~? ;) 

Fenneko: Patiently waiting to leave this joint and utterly destroy your pus-

Retsuko: *AHEM!* *gestures towards Ikari*

Fenneko: ...Oh. Right. 

Tsunoda: *comes up to Ikari* Aww, you brought little Ikari with you again, Retsy?

Retsuko: We couldn’t find a babysitter. And you two need to watch what you say around him!

Tsunoda: Aw, what’s the matter? It’s not like he’s comprehending anything that I’m saying right now, right?

Ikari: *typing* She’s got you there, Mama.

Retsuko: *scoffs* I still don’t want hearing that kinda thing!

Fenneko: And he won’t! You have my word, Retsy.

Retsuko: Thank you!

Tsunoda: …*ahem* *looks Ikari right in his eyes* Sex! Vaginas! Anal! Fucking! Cunninglingus! 

Retsuko: *GAAAAAAASP!* *she immediately covers his ears*

Ikari: Agoo?

Tsunoda: *completely inaudible from his point of view. She and Retsuko appear to be arguing*

Ikari: …*starts typing again* I do not understand the relationship my parents have with Aunt Tsunoda. She and Fenneko get along with each other very much, yet Mama and Dada seem very uneasy with her. Almost as if they don’t like having her around. I’m not sure why, however. Aunt Tsunoda is very funny, and playful with me. She’s also very pretty……… Do I like girls?

Tsunoda: I’m just saying, Retsy! Gotta teach ‘em while they’re young!

Retsuko: NOT THAT YOUNG! 

Fenneko: Geez, Tsunoda. Even I’M not that cruel. 

*suddenly, a powerful presence can be felt right behind all four of them*

Ton: HEY! PIPE IT DOWN, WILL YA?!

Retsuko, Fenneko, and Tsunoda: *GASP!*

Ton: …*patting Ikari on the back* You’re setting a bad example for the child. 

Retsuko: ...Y-y-y-yes sir! It won’t happen again!

Tsunoda: Yeah! Scout’s honor!

Fenneko: Roger roger.

Ton: Hmph. *goes back to his golf swings*

Ikari: … *typing* Hmm. Perhaps I have misjudged The Big Fat Meanie’s character… Nah, he’s still a Big Fat Meanie.

*Later, at a karaoke bar, Retsuko is recapping what happened at work to Haida, Washimi, and Gori. Fenneko went home to lay pipe.*

Ikari: *typing* My Mama seems to really like coming to this place after working. It appears to be something of a sanctuary for her to be at peace with herself, and not have to worry about what other people think. Ironic how her source of relaxation comes from such a loud and aggressive musical genre. Dada also seems to really like it here. This particular place seems to mean a lot to both of them. Was this perhaps where they initially met? Or where I was conceived? Perhaps I may never know fully. At least not yet. 

Gori: Whaaaaaaa?! You mean Tsunoda just up and said all that nasty stuff right to your kid?!

Washimi: Why?

Retsuko: I don’t know! Just to spite me, I guess?! 

Haida: Maybe she just needs a new arch enemy, seeing how she and Fenneko are all lovey-dovey now. 

Gori: Aw, but why at the cost of such a lovely boy’s innocence?

Washimi: Truly. If I were you, Retsuko, I’d protect my child from any and all things that would harm his view of the world. Who knows what kind of damage that would do to his psyche when going forward.

Ikari: *typing* The bird lady and her gorilla friend always appear to be wise and smart. I see why my Mama goes to them for guidance.

*Later that night, after a long session of karaoke singing, the two parents make it home with Ikari*

Haida: *phew* Well, I guess we learned something today!

Retsuko: Yeah! Keep Tsunoda away from our baby.

Haida: Er… yeah. Something like that. 

Ikari: *typing* And so, my day comes to a close once again. It would appear that I have come back unharmed, my belly is filled with delicious food, and I heard my Mama’s singing again with Dada providing Bass. T’was a good day. *yaaaaaawwwns* But I am quite sleepy after all is said and done. And I am afraid of getting a nightmare tonight. So… M-mama! Dada!

Retsuko: Oh! You wanna come to bed with us, Ikari?

Ikari: Mm-hmm. *nods his head*

Haida: Well, alright! Just try not to take up too much space in bed!

Ikari: Hmhm!

*And so, Ikari puts down his Mr. Spell, and heads off to bed with his parents*

*Meanwhile*

Tsunoda: Aw, Fenny-poooooooooo~!

Fenneko: Nope. You’re not getting any tonight. You said nasty things to my friend’s baby.

Tsunoda: D’ooohh! It won’t happen again! I promise! 

Fenneko: You sure?

Tsunoda: Positive! I won’t do it again to Retsuko’s kid, and certainly not when we have our own kids.

Fenneko: …”W-when”?

Tsunoda: ...OH! Right! I forgot to tell you! I’ve been doing some thinking, and… I think I’m ready to adopt!

Fenneko: …

Tsunoda: ...Fenny-Poo?

Fenneko: Okay, we can fuck now.

So, yeah! That was Ikari’s Day Out, hopefully you guys enjoyed it, and like I said, go give Tony a follow, if you can.

[myworld50]

A person asked the question, "Why are people so hostile towards President Donald Trump?"

Chris O'Leary:

Before you pass my answer off as “Another Liberal Snowflake” consider that

1.) I'm an independent centrist who has voted Republican way more often in my life than Democrat, and

2.) If you want to call someone who spent the entire decade of his 20’s serving in the Marine Corps a snowflake, I’d be ready to answer the question what did you do with your 20’s?

Why Liberals (And not-so liberals) are against President Trump.

A.) He lies. A LOT. Politifact rates 69% of the words he speaks as “Mostly False or worse” Only 17% of the things he says get a “Mostly True” or better rating. That is an absolutely unbelievable number. How he doesn’t speak more truth by mistake is beyond me. To put it in context, Obama’s rating was 26% mostly false or worse, and I had a problem with that. Many of Trump’s former business associates report that he has always been a compulsive liar, but now he’s the President of the United States, and that’s a problem. And this is a man who expects you to believe him when he points at other people and says “They’re lying”

B.) He’s an authoritarian populist, not a conservative. He advances regressive social policy while proposing to expand federal spending and federalist authority over states, both of which conservatives are supposed to hate.

C.) He pretends at Christianity to court the Religious Right but fails to live anything resembling a Christ-Like Life.

D.) His nationalist “America First” message effectively alienates us and removes us from our place as leaders in the international community.

E.) His ideas on “Keeping us safe” are all thinly veiled ideas to remove our freedoms, he is, after all, an authoritarian first. They also are simply bad ideas.

F.) He couldn’t pass a 3rd-grade civics exam. He doesn't’ know what he’s doing. He doesn't understand how international relations work, he doesn’t understand how federal state or local governments work, and every time someone tries to “Run it like a business” it’s a spectacular failure. See Colorado Springs’ recent history as an example. The Short, Unhappy Life of a Libertarian Paradise And that was a businessman with a MUCH better business track record than Trump. We are talking about a man who lost money owning a freaking gambling casino.

G.) He behaves unethicaly and always has. As a businessman, he constantly left in his wake unpaid contractors and invoices, litigation, broken promises, whatever he could get away with.

H.) He is damaging our relationships with our best international friends while kissing up to nations that do not have our best interests in mind. To his question “Wouldn't’ it be great to have better relations with Russia?” The answer is Yes. But it is RUSSIA who needs to earn that, who must stop doing the things that are damaging to that relationship, or we are simply weaker for it.

I.) He has never seen a shortcut he didn't like, and you can’t take shortcuts in government. “Nuclear Option, Remove the Filibuster, I’ll change the Constitution by Executive Order…Don…what happens when you remove the filibuster and the other side retakes the majority in the Senate? Suddenly want that filibuster back? What happens if you manage to change the Constitution by Executive Order and an Anti-2A President wins the next election?

J.) He behaves and has always behaved as an unabashed racist. Yes, I’ve seen your favorite meme that claims he was never accused of racism before the Democrats…Absolutely false. Donald Trump’s long history of racism, from the 1970s to 2019 See the Central Park 5, the lawsuits and fines resulting from his refusal to lease to black tenants, the 1992 lost appeal trying to overturn penalties for removing black dealers from tables, his remarks to the house native American affairs subcommittee in 1993. The man sees and treats racial groups of people as monoliths.

K.) He is systematically steamrolling regulations specifically designed to keep a disaster like the 2007 subprime mortgage crisis from happening again.

L.) He speaks and acts like a demagogue. He sees the Legislative and Judicial branches of government as inconveniences, blows up at criticism no matter how deserved and actively tries to countermand constitutional processes, not to mention attempts to blackmail and coerce people who are saying negative things about him

M.) His choices for top positions, with the exception of Gen. Mattis, who is a gem, have been horrendous. A secretary of Education without a resume that would get her hired as a small town grammar school principal, A secretary of Energy who didn't know the Department of Energy was responsible for nuclear reserves, an EPA head whose biggest accomplishments to date had been suing the EPA on multiple occasions, an FCC head who while working for Verizon actively lobbied to kill net neutrality, and an Attorney General who thinks pot is “nearly as bad as heroin” and asked Congress for permission to go after legal pot businesses in states where it is legal. (There goes that great Republican States rights rally cry again, right? *Crickets*) An Interim AG after Firing his First AG who’s appointment is probably unconstitutional.

N.) He denies scientific fact. Ever notice that the only people you hear denying climate change are politicians and lobbyists? 99% of actual scientists studying the issue agree that it’s real, man-made and caused by greenhouse gasses. Ever notice that every big disaster movie starts with a bunch of politicians in a room ignoring a scientist's warning?

0.) He does not have the temperament to lead this nation. He is Thin Skinned, childish, and a bully, never mind misogynistic, boorish, rude, and incapable of civil discourse.

P.) He still does not understand that the words he speaks, or tweets, are the official position of 1/3 of the US government, and so does not govern his words. He still thinks when he speaks it’s good ol’ Donald Trump. It’s not. It’s the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. You have probably spread a meme or two around talking about how no president’s every word has ever been dissected before…YES, THEY ALWAYS HAVE. It’s just that every other president in our lifetime has understood the importance of his words and took great care to govern his speech. Trump blurts out whatever comes to his mind then complains when people talk about what a dumb thing that was to say.

Q.) He’s unqualified. If you owned a small business and were looking for someone to manage it, and an unnamed resume came across your desk and you saw 6 bankruptcies, showing a man who had failed to make money running CASINOS, would you hire him? He is a very poor businessman. This is a man it has been estimated would have been worth $10 BILLION more if he’d just taken what his father had given him, invested it in Index Funds and left it alone.

R.) He is President. But he refuses to take a leadership position and understand that he is everyone’s President. Conservatives complain about liberals chanting “Not my President” while Trump himself behaves as if no one but his supporters matter.

S.) He’s a blatant hypocrite. He spent 8 years bitching Obama out for his family trips, or golfing, or any time he took for himself, and what does he do? He was already on his 20th golf outing in APRIL of his 1st year in office. He constantly rants about respect for the military, yet can’t be bothered to attend the 100th anniversary of Armistice Day because of a little rain. (And that excuse about Marine One not being able to fly in the rain is HILARIOUS.)

T.) He’s a misogynist. It's not really ok in this day and age to be a misogynist, but it’s not a huge deal if you’re a private citizen. It’s a pretty big deal if you hate half the people you’re elected to lead. The disdain for women seeps out of his …whatever…. and he just can’t hide it.

U.) Face it. In any other election “Grab Em’ By the Pussy” would have been the end of that candidate’s chances. Back in the 90’s I used to marvel about how Teflon Bill Clinton was. I no longer do. The fact that he managed to slip by on that is as much a statement about how much people hate Hillary Clinton as it is about what is wrong with politics in this country right now.

V.) He has one response to a differing opinion. Attack. A good leader listens to criticism, to different points of view, is capable of self-reflection, tries to guide people to his point of view, and when necessary stands his ground and defends his convictions. Any of that sound like Trump? His default is not to Lead, its’ to attack. Scorched Earth. The Jim Acosta reaction is a good example. There was no defense of his convictions when Acosta was asking him repeated questions about his rhetoric on the caravan. His response was to attack Acosta.

W.) He takes credit for everything positive while deflecting blame for everything negative. Look at him with the Stock Market. He’s been bragging about it since day one, and to give credit where credit is due, speculation on coming deregulation early in his presidency did fuel some rapid growth, but to pretend that it’s all him, that we’re not in the 9th year of the longest bull market in history and THEN, when the standard market volatility that deregulation inevitably brings about starts to show up? Yeah. Look at yesterday. Hey! Stock Markets losing because the Democrats won! Do I need to bring out the Stock market chart for the last 10 Years again?

X.) He emboldens the worst among us. Counter-protesters are slammed into by a car while countering actual Nazi rally, and the response is there’s fault on “Both Sides” The media is at fault for a nut job sending them and Donald’s favorite targets pipe bombs. The truth is not all Republicans, not all Trump Supporters are racist, fascist lunatics. Many are just taken in by the bombastic personality and are living in an information bubble made worse by the fact that they unfollow anyone and ignore any source of information that makes them feel uncomfortable. People on the left do that too. The Biggest problem the right has right now is that the worst of the Right is the loudest and the most in your face, and the actual right, especially the Freaking PRESIDENT needs to be standing up and saying No. Those are not our values.

Y.) He seems to think the Constitution of The United States, the document that IS who we are, the document he took an oath to support and defend is some sort of inconvenience. He demonstrates a complete lack of understanding of Constitution, from believing he can alter the 14th through executive order, to thinking The free exercise clause in the first amendment somehow supersedes the establishment clause (not that he really understands either) or that the free exercise clause only applies to Christians. Or his attacks on freedom of expression and the press. He repeatedly makes it clear that if he’s read them, he does not understand Articles 1–3, and that’s something he really should have before he took the job, because they’re not going away.

Z.) I’ll use Z for something I do blame him for, but the rest of us have to carry the blame too. Polarization. This country is more politically polarized than I can remember in my lifetime. Some of you who are a few years older than I may remember how it was in the late 60’s when construction workers in New York were being applauded for beating up hippies, I think it’s pretty close to that right now, but that was before my time. And he is the cause of much of the current level polarization, but also the result. It didn't’ start with Trump. We’ve been going down this road I think since the eruption of the Tea Party in the early years of the Obama Administration. I do hope the tide turns before it gets much worse because the thing that scares me more than anything is what if that keeps going the way it has been? "

*snagged from a friends wall:

[yespoetry]

Control the Echoes

By Jonathan Russell Clark

Her spoken sentences tended to omit proper nouns, leaving only discursive, aimless run-ons that veered off one point, switched to another, swooped again, got murky, and finally landed not really anywhere specific but simply where a period arbitrarily stopped them.

“You were here when they told me,” she’d say, “and so you know that I’m not trying to do anything like they said I did, but they keep coming at me, and I don’t know who or what or where anymore, because there isn’t anything like that that I want, and I said that I was fine yesterday because I saw her over there, you know the young one, the one with the, oh what’s her hair like, and she wasn’t asking because like I said I wasn’t saying anything if I didn’t want to.”

The hospice info pamphlets said to go along with whatever she said, but how do go along with that? It didn’t take long, though, for me to figure out the purpose of going along with the things she said. If you don’t, you have to ask for clarification, or you have to contradict them, or you have to interrupt an already tenuous thread—and none of it with any results. It’s the flow that’s important, not the content. If I’d stopped my grandmother and said, for example, “Who are they?” she’d look at me as if I’d just asked her the most nonsensical thing, since of course she didn’t know who they were, because who they were didn’t matter. What mattered for her was some deep need to express, to communicate something, even if that something didn’t come out explicable. It was the act of talking that compelled her, and any obstruction jammed the rhythm and frustrated her. And since no actual clarification or sense came from any question we asked her, it was obviously better to let the linguistic current expel forth unimpeded.

Among her verbal hemorrhaging were numerous references to her long life: sometimes she’d wonder why her parents hadn’t been around to see her; sometimes she asked if I knew her brother, and where was he; and other times it seemed the words were some uncontrollable reverberation of various points in her nine decades.

An echo of herself.

*

In Aleksander Hemon’s novel The Lazarus Project, there is the following line: “Nobody can control resemblances, any more than you can control echoes.”

If there is a sound and a reverberating obstacle, there is an echo. There is no judgment in the existence of that echo, no choice, no accusation of agency, no life in it. Nobody accuses an echo of hyperbole, of lying, of falsifying the expanse of its resound. It is simply there because it is there.

*

 Three years. Three years. Three years. Three years.

I’ve never reached a fourth anniversary with a partner. All four of my major relationships ended at three, never developing the ability to speak in complex sentences, never learned to count past ten or understand the concept of time or tell a story about what happened to them.

My relationships died before they began to truly become independent. The failure of my love—its inability to keep something alive—repeats in my mind and through me when I meet someone who moves me. The joyous noise of new love echoes off the obstacle of my past failures, and I can no more control it than I can family resemblances.

*

My mother looks like my grandmother, and my sister looks like my mother, but my sister really looks like my grandmother. I see each of them in each other, in little softly articulated ways, as subtle as color schemes in well-decorated interiors, minute spots of this shade, that one, which unite a space of otherwise unconnected things.

*

Echoes are beyond our control—unless we alter the geography of where the sound is made.

*

Echo is a nymph in Ovid’s Metamorphoses, who is condemned to repeat the last few words of whatever Narcissus says. So when he asks, “Is anyone there?” she responds, “One there?”

I am standing in a cavern at Old Man’s Cave in Ohio, where I’m from. I yell out, “HELLO!” and hear loud and clear my voice coming back to me: ELLO Ello ello lo lo o.

Echoes do not return our words; rather, they transform them.

*

From Lacy M. Johnson’s essay “The Reckonings,” in which she grapples with notions of justice and retribution for the man who kidnapped, raped, and tried to kill her:

I carry these stories with me because I don’t know what else to do with them. The details may differ. If it is not the story of an abusive lover, perhaps it is a mother, or a father, or an uncle; or it is the story of a friend who has been killed by a stranger while trying to do the right thing, or a woman who is shot in the back of the head while asking for help; it might be a story about the abuse of power, or authority, of the slow violence of bureaucracy, of the way some people are born immune to punishment and others spend whole lifetimes being punished in ways they did nothing to deserve.

These horrific and common stories demand a corresponding action—some form of symmetrical absolution, as in movies where the villain is righteously killed by the victimized hero. “Then, as now,” Johnson writes, “we want to transform our suffering: to take a pain we experience and change it into the satisfaction of causing pain for someone else.”

Later, on becoming a writer: “I’ve called myself a writer now for more than half of my life, and during all this time, I have learned that sometimes the hardest and more important work I’ve done has meant turning a story I couldn’t tell into one that I can—and that this practice on its own is one not only of discovery but of healing.”

*

The American Psychiatric Association has this to say on PTSD:

People with PTSD have intense, disturbing thoughts and feelings related to their experience that last long after the traumatic event has ended. They may relive the event through flashbacks or nightmares; they may feel sadness, fear or anger; and they may feel detached or estranged from other people. People with PTSD may avoid situations or people that remind them of the traumatic event, and they may have strong negative reactions to something as ordinary as a loud noise or an accidental touch.

*

Echo tries to touch Narcissus, but he repels and rebukes her, saying, “Hands off! May I die before you enjoy my body.” To which Echo replies: “…enjoy my body.”

*

Mark Z. Danielewski’s novel House of Leaves features a chapter dedicated to echoes. This chapter has caused much consternation in readers: if you Google “house of leaves echoes” you’ll find numerous threads asking why this section is included in the book at all.

From that chapter:

Nevertheless, above and beyond the details of frequency shifts and volume fluctuations—the physics of ‘otherness’—what matters most is a sound’s delay.

Point of fact, the human ear cannot distinguish one sound wave from the same sound wave if it returns in less than 50 milliseconds. Therefore for anyone to hear a reverberation requires a certain amount of space.

*

My grandmother, out of necessity, does the same things everyday: she gets out of bed, takes medications, eats some fruit or toast, sits in her chair and watches TV. And she talks. In circles, full of non sequitors, wholly incomprehensible. Though there is sometimes a hint of frustration or helplessness in her words, she does not seem unhappy.

And yet she is losing herself. Has already lost most of herself. This self now—the one that still lives, functions, talks—isn’t her. So she isn’t happy; she is gone.

It is this echo that seems happy.

*

From Salman Rushdie’s The Enchantress of Florence:

The painting is an allegory of the evils of power, how they pass down the chain from the greater to the lesser. Human beings were clutched at, and clutched at others in their turn. If power was a cry, then human lives were lived in the echo of the cries of others. The echo of the mighty deafened the ears of the helpless.

I repeat: echoes do not repeat; they transform. It may be slight, it may seem miniscule, but it is not the same as the original vibration; it is like a recollection of it, a memory.

Memories fuzz the details. They make them murky. They soften the edges of some parts, intensify the sharpness of others. But we do not mistake memories for current realities, no more than we believe that a son and a father are the same person, merely because they share traits, look alike, echo each other.

*

Imagine the inside of yourself. Not the physical inside but the abstract inner space—the spirit or the soul or the heart or the essence—whatever you want to call it or believe it to be.

Imagine it as an open expanse of sky, or an endless field of grass, or a wide ocean. Imagine these impossible geographies filled with items: the house you grew up in; your first pair of glasses; your crush on your neighbor; the backpack you lost on the subway; the books you read and remember; the words that hurt you, that healed you, that gave definition to something that before was inarticulate; the shape of your calf; a painting by a friend; the hope you carry that persists in the face of repeated failures. It is you who connect this space of otherwise unconnected things.

Now imagine moving through these expanses—flying, walking, swimming—brushing up against the items, through them, past them, around them; touching them, holding them, feeling them. Imagine the culmination of these touches, these brushes, how they add up in your fingertips, give you a sense of surfaces, a variety of weight.

Imagine a sudden interruption in these spaces—a wall bounding upwards forever, a cliff with no foot routes, a curved shaped you can’t get above or below or around or inside. Imagine trying to continue moving through the space, but not matter what you do, you can’t get above or below or around or inside this interruption. In vain, you attack it with your fists, which only serves to confound your sense of touch, which before had been the entire point of moving. You have no options. Like some Biblical figure, like some mythological cypher, you yell at the interruption, condemning, berating, pleading, accusing, decrying…

But your words do nothing to it; they only echo back, mocking your futility.

*

When Narcissus first hears Echo in the woods, before he rebukes her, he calls out to her, “This way! We must come together.” Echo replies: “We must come together.”

*

We do not know what to do about my grandmother. She is not she and yet she is.

I do not know what to do with my new love, how I can deflect the echoes of my three-year pattern. Every love is different and yet shades of similarity persist.

We do not know how to get over trauma—not fully, not completely. Those echoes will always be there; we can no more control them than we can control the cause of that trauma.

We do not control the echoes of us; we can only control our own volume, the spaces we create sound in, our voices. We cannot control the sounds of others—“the physics of ‘otherness’”—but we can to the best of our ability change our distance, our space in relation to the echoes, to maybe get close enough to the source, that we can hear it no longer. We must turn the stories we can’t tell into ones that we can. We must reverse the echoes of power.

We must come together.

Jonathan Russell Clark is a literary critic. He is the author of An Oasis of Horror in a Desert of Boredom (Fiction Advocate), on Roberto Bolaño’s 2666. A former contributing editor at Literary Hub, his work has appeared in the New York Times Book Review, Rolling Stone, the San Francisco Chronicle, Vulture, Tin House, The Atlantic, The New Republic, the Columbus Dispatch, The Georgia Review, The Millions, LA Review of Books, The Rumpus, Chautauqua, PANK, and numerous others.