#i loved you in 1985 and i love you now because underneath it all we have always had friendship.

[gayofthefae]

Thinking about how Mike said El AND Will could visit and expressed desire to stay in touch well with Will RIGHT before El kissed him and told him she loved him - when up until that point, they had still been broken up.

(Thinking about how, though he hadn’t worked up the courage to tell her he loved her yet, he also didn’t seem in a rush to initiate a conversation on getting back together, seeming pretty generally content and that point...- even avoiding the topic when she brought it up. And standing stock still when she kissed him.)

And then look who didn’t call.

Thinking about how we talk about the broken promise but never about the fact that something changed in between the promise and it being broken. Not between season speculation. There was an immediate change that we saw onscreen.

Thinking maybe he was relieved when he realized that being broken up did not, in fact, mean not having her in his life and he was growing to really like this friendship of theirs and he was freely feeling comfortable with both Will and El in this state and then she kissed him and he felt the need to pick a side again and pressured himself into suppressing the idea that he was ever relieved by the friendship and putting all his energy into that relationship. We talk about El’s behavior that season broken up from Mike but never Mike’s behavior with but broken up from El. He seemed happy too. Once shit picked up, stressed for obvious reasons, but he said he loved her when they were broken up. But more importantly for this post, once everything was back to normal, there was some time that passed between the 4th of July and them moving in which we have no indication that they got back together. To say that they did would not be an implication but an assumption.

[billys-pretty-babe]

We Were Just Kids, Babe

Pairing : Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

Summary : You were the love of Billy's life, or at least that's what he always told you.

Warnings : swearing, little mentions of smut, drinking

Word Count : 2,802

A/N : there is a time skip, it'll be marked. inspired by loml by taylor swift

October 1985

Billy laid in your bed, his head in your lap as you scratched his head gently. "You're the love of my life, you know that? Once we leave this shitty town, we'll get married." You softly laughed before smiling down at him. "I love you." He smiled, "I love you too." His words were genuine, there was no reason for you to not trust him.

He relaxed against you; his skin was warm on yours as you pushed his hair back with each rake of your fingers. He rolled over, his forehead resting against your stomach as he kissed it through the shirt you were wearing. He moved his left arm from underneath him and wrapped it around your waist.

"Imagine little Hargrove babies." You softly laughed, "With your hair, that's the Hargrove look." He laughed and nodded, cuddling up to you a little more. He was still cautious, he still had some walls up, but they were rapidly crumbling each time he was with you.

His thumb rubbed over the material of the shirt before snaking under it to hold you a little tighter. "I'll never leave you, you're everything to me." You smiled and hummed at the warmth of his skin; it was a little cold in Hawkins, so you were grateful he ran hot. You were happy, truly and genuinely happy because everything felt right. Your boyfriend, your very first boyfriend wanted to marry you and have kids.

Months had passed and everything was rocky in the relationship. Billy didn't seem happy lately and you were starting to question if it was because of you. You racked your brain, trying to figure out if you had done something and came up with nothing. Maybe he was just having a hard time, that's what it had to be, right?

The look in his eyes never left, he still had love in them. You made sure every single time you saw him. The two of you had been together since November of 1984, so you had already been together for a little over a year.

It was unexpected. You had never cried in his room before, not even when you had sex for the first time. Hearing him cry about how he felt like he was falling out of love was enough for you to burst into tears. Your eyes were burning from the mascara and eyeliner, you did your best to hold it together, but you just couldn't.

He gently grabbed you, pulling you close to him as he held the back of your head to his chest as he pressed his lips to your head. "I'm still your friend, baby. I'm just in a bad spot right now and I can't give you everything I have. You're supposed to be my first priority. One day, okay?" You didn't answer him, holding your fingers behind his back as you took it all in.

You knew you couldn't be friends with him, not when he had kissed you so softly with love and passion, not when he had been inside you, and certainly not when you had professed your love to him for months.

May 1990

You smiled as you watched your younger brother walk across the stage at Hawkins High. You saw the familiar flash of red hair on the football field and your heart raced, starting to wonder if Billy had attended. You didn't think so, he and Max didn't get along. Your mom held onto your arm as she wiped her eyes gently to not mess up her makeup.

The graduates tossed their caps into the air and you smiled, remembering when you and Billy had done the same. You saw your brother go to Max, he always had a crush on her until they started dating their Junior year, Lucas and his family having moved because of Mr. Sinclair's job.

Your mom pouted her lip a little, watching the two of them as they walked through the gates hand-in-hand. The Hargrove-Mayfield family joined your family at your household. Your dad had asked the big question, "Neil, where's Billy?" Neil looked at your dad as he cracked the tab of the beer can.

"He'll be here soon. He got caught up at work. He works at that big mechanic shop in Indianapolis." Your dad hummed and nodded and nodded his head in your direction, "She goes to University of Indianapolis." Neil glanced at you as he softly hummed and nodded. He had liked you as Billy's girlfriend, he thought you could change him, but Billy didn't need changing in your eyes.

Susan looked at you, "Any boys at school, honey?" You softly laughed and shook your head, "No boys, just books." She softly laughed and nodded. "Smart girl you have on your hands," she said to your parents. They both nodded with pride. You walked into the garage, looking through the alcohol fridge as you heard a very familiar exhaust. You glanced out of the little windows, seeing the blue Camaro.

You gulped and grabbed one of your mom's wine coolers, grabbing a second one just in case. You walked into the house, "Billy's here," you said as your throat closed a little. You cleared it and walked to the cupboard, grabbing a cup as you poured both wine coolers into it. You threw the glasses away and took a sip before turning back to where everyone was in the dining room.

You had just walked into the room when there was a knock on the door. Your mom looked at your brother, "Go get the door." He opened his mouth to talk back, and she narrowed her eyes. He sighed and got up, brushing past you to get the door. You sat back down at your seat and sighed when the only empty chair was beside you.

Your brother opened the dining room door and held it open for Billy. He changed, not much but he looked manly. His mustache was full and not the same one he sported in high school. He had a stubbly beard along with more tattoos and he had a little hoop in his ear, the same one he used to wear when he was a lifeguard.

He looked at Max, patting her shoulder gently. "Congrats, I'm proud of you." She smiled and thanked him. You furrowed your brow, the last time you had seen the both of them, they couldn't stand each other. Something changed between them, you wondered what it was.

He greeted your parents before looking down at you in your wooden chair. He smiled, "Hey," he said. You gave him a half-smile before responding, "Hi." He sat beside you and you could smell his cologne and body wash. You recognized the scents, something you had bought him for his eighteenth birthday.

You got up, excusing yourself and Max looked at you just was the door shut. She got up, "I'll go check on her." Your mom nodded and she left the dining room, seeing you outside on the back porch swing. She walked outside and sat beside you. "What happened between you two," you asked her. She sighed, "After you guys broke up, he wasn't himself. He was nicer, he wasn't angry anymore. We did sibling stuff; I finally had a brother." You nodded, tapping your ring on the glass cup you were holding.

"Was the breakup bad?" You shrugged, "What's your definition of bad?" She sighed and nodded. "He fell out of love, that's what he told me." She nodded, rubbing your back. "He found out you were going to that school and found a job there. He was hoping you two would cross paths, he calls a lot.” That made you happy, that he always called Max.

The two of you stayed outside for a little while longer before walking inside as the doorbell rang. Your mom peeked her head out of the dining room, "That's the pizza." You nodded and opened the door, accepting the pizza from the man as you grabbed the money on the countertop. "The tip is at the top." The man smiled and nodded.

"Is that Billy Hargrove's car?" You raised a brow. He chuckled, "I don't know if you remember me. I'm Tommy Hagan, I hung around Billy in his junior year. I graduated that year." You hummed, "Yeah, I remember sorry." He softly laughed and nodded. "So, you two are still together?" You grimaced and shook your head, "No, it's my brother and Max's graduation that he's here for. We broke up a few years ago." He nodded and apologized.

"What's taking so long," Billy's voice asked as it got closer with his footsteps. You felt his body heat on your body when he came to the door. You handed the food to Max before following her inside to let them talk. Soon, he made his way back to the dining room and he sat down beside you again.

You all grabbed food and began eating. "Mom," you said. She turned to you with a smile. "I'm gonna eat outside, there's too many people in here." She nodded before turning back to Susan. You stood up and walked outside and sat at the small table, listening to the nighttime critters chirp and make sounds. The glass door shut at the chair across from you creaked under someone's weight. "You're avoiding me."

You looked up and wanted to cry. He looked like your Billy, but he was no longer your Billy. "I wonder why," you said as you picked apart the pizza. He sighed, "We were just kids, babe. We're adults now, I have my shit straight now." You hummed, poking at the pepperoni. "Please, just talk to me. I'll get down on my knees and beg if I have to." You scoffed, "Yeah right, Billy Hargrove begging?" He got up, his chair making a loud, ugly sound against the concrete. He wiped his hands on his jeans, and he stood before you, slowly sinking down to his knees.

"I am begging you to just talk to me. Tell me you hate me, tell me to fuck off. Just something directed at me." It had shocked you that he was here, on his knees. One thing with Billy, he really didn't beg for anything, but he was begging for you. "What do I say to the person who promised me everything and I got nothing?" He grabbed the chair behind him, pulling himself into it as he moved closer to you.

"I was dumb for doing what I did. I didn't fall out of love with you because if I fell out of love, I wouldn't have followed you to Indianapolis. I got scared because I made promises to you, and I didn't want them to be empty. We were eighteen, I couldn't give you any of that." You choked up a little, kicking your foot. "Billy, we didn't need to immediately get married and have kids. I was willing to wait for you." He nodded, "I know." You raised a brow and he put his thumb behind him.

"When I talk to Max your brother is usually there." You hummed and nodded, "Yeah, they're dating or something like that. I think they're testing the water." He groaned, "Great, another guy I have to watch out for." You laughed softly. He ate some of his pizza and took a sip of his beer.

"I miss you." Your heart stopped and you looked at him. "In what way?" He put his can down. "In every single way. I haven't been with anyone since we broke up." You nodded. "Have you?" You shook your head, "No." He nodded, moving a little closer to you, his jean-clad knee now was against your thigh.

"I think if you gave me a second chance we could get married before those little shits in there." You laughed, "We are not competing with our siblings to see who gets married first." He shrugged, taking another bite of his food. "One chance, that's all I'm asking and at the end of the night if you still hate me, just tell me to go fuck myself and I will." You sighed, "I don't hate you; I could never hate you. Not after everything we did together." He smirked, "Like what?" You rolled your eyes, "Shut up," you murmured. He snickered, taking a sip.

"One chance, I mean it. That's all you get." He nodded. "That's all I need, babe." He finished up his beer, "Did you drive here?" You shook your head, "My mom picked me up. The semester is over." He nodded, "Wanna hang out tomorrow then? I don't have work until Monday. We can do anything you want." You nodded, "Sure, B." He smiled before leaning in and kissing your cheek.

"I won't kiss you until you kiss me permission to so that'll have to do for now." You nodded and finished up your food before taking the plate inside as Billy followed you. You yawned softly, having a long day of travel. You peeked into the dining room, "I'm gonna go to bed." Your mom nodded, "Where's Billy?" You pointed behind you. She smiled and nodded and you went to your room.

He followed you and sat on your bed. You looked at him, "I don't remember inviting you in here." He rolled his eyes and laid down, "Shh, I'm tired too." You laughed, finding his old basketball shorts as you flung them at him. He walked into your bathroom. "Do you have an extra toothbrush?" You hummed, "I think it's in a box under my sink, near the Tampax box." You heard the cabinet door shut as the water ran.

You got undressed and put on different clothes. The air was humid so you made sure to put on something light that wouldn't stick to your skin very much. He walked out of the bathroom and laid on your bed. He was muscular but still soft looking and his happy trail was a lot fuller. You brushed your teeth before laying beside him. His arms were crossed behind his head as he looked at your ceiling.

"We fucked in this bed." You elbowed him in the ribs, and he laughed loudly. "It's true, multiple times too. I can still hear my children." You laughed, pushing him a little. It got quiet, a little too quiet for your comfort. "Hey Billy." He hummed, looking at you. "Please kiss me." He smiled and leaned towards you, holding your face as he kissed you softly.

You held onto him, your thumb running over his rib tattoo. His lips moved against yours as he rolled into you a little, needing you as close as possible. He pulled away first and you raised a brow before feeling it as you laughed. "It's natural." You laughed again at him defending his erection. He grumbled, putting his hand over your mouth.

You licked his palm, and he had no reaction, "Just feeding into the fire, babe." You snickered a little and you looked him in his eyes, seeing the same love you saw five years ago.

"What're you thinking about?" You hummed and he asked the question again. "Nothing, doesn't matter." He pursed his lips, "I'm not dumb. Tell me." Your fingers dug into his skin a little, just needing to feel that he was actually there. "Do you think we'll get married?" He smiled, "Maybe, I think so. Like I said earlier, we were kids. I think now that we're a little older we know what we want. I have a stable job that makes good money. You graduate next spring and once you do and we're together. We'll get a nice house in Indianapolis and a dog or cat, your choice, and then babies." You smiled and leaned into him.

His hand pulled you closer to him and you smiled, "You got more muscles." He laughed and nodded, "Kinda have to when you're picking up heavy car parts and tires and shit. Is it uncomfortable?" You shook your head as you rested it on his pec. "Not at all, you're soft when you're relaxed." He laughed and ran his calloused hand over your hair. He kissed right at your hairline, and you smiled, shutting your eyes.

"Go to sleep, we'll go get some breakfast when we wake up." You nodded, putting your leg on his hip and he reached down and grabbed under your knee, holding your leg on him. "Goodnight," you murmured. He smiled, "Goodnight, babe." You held onto him, cuddling with him just like you did in high school.

As you were drifting off to sleep you had one hope, that this would work because you wouldn't be able to go through the same heartbreak again.

[familyvideostevie]

𝟭𝟮 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗵𝗿𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗺𝗮𝘀: 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻 

day eleven: secret santa with steve | fluff, friends to lovers, 1.8k 12 days of christmas masterlist

Steve opens his front door and his smile makes your face feel hot immediately. It's getting really tedious, being in love with him, And the holidays haven't made it any better -- everything you do together as friends feels like a date and you've dodged so much mistletoe you never want to see a sprig again. 

"Am I the last one?" you ask him as he gives you a brief hug and takes your coat. Your gift is hidden in a bag dangling from your fingers. 

"Yeah, but I've only just got them all to sit down, so you're just in time." This is your first year participating in the Secret Santa exchange with everyone else, and you're a little nervous, not in the least because it's his name that you drew. And in addition to the holidays exacerbating your feelings for Steve ,your friends haven't been a great help, either. Everyone has been teasing you about it for months and on days when you're feeling optimistic you're pretty sure Steve is getting the same treatment. You allow yourself to consider that he likes you, too. But most days the thought of confessing to him and being rejected and losing your friendship is too much, so you keep your mouth shut and swallow your affection.

"How did you manage that?" you ask. He purses his lips and runs a hand through his hair. The sleeves of his sweater are a little too long for him, the cuffs dangling to the edges of his fingers. You want to hug him again. 

"Promised them hot chocolate after it's over." You laugh and Steve beams like you've given him a gift. "Which you're going to help with," he adds, trying to sound stern. You scoff and make your way into the living room where the rest of your friends are in a wonky circle. Small bags and wrapped packages are piled in the center, each addressed to someone in the room. You shuffle them around and try to bury yours in the pile without showing it too much.

"You took forever," Mike says. "Eddie won't stop guessing who has him." The metalhead shrugs from his place on the couch, unbothered. 

"Not my fault you're easy to rile up, Wheeler." Steve appears behind you, letting his hand rest on the small of your back for just a moment before you head to a spot on the floor next to Robin. She eyes you and you refuse to meet her gaze. 

"How are we doing this?" Nancy asks.

"Someone starts and opens theirs and then guesses who gave it to them," Will says. "And when they get it right that person goes next."

Max is eyeing a very round package on the edge of the pile with a furrow in her brows. "Who goes first?"

"Steve," Robin says, a little too innocently. "Host goes first." Everyone titters a little but no one objects. 

"Uh, sure," he says. He digs through the pile in the middle before pulling out a square wrapped in blue paper with his name on it. "I think it's a baseball," he says, getting laughs and groans. 

"That was terrible, Harrington," Eddie says. "Truly awful."

"Bite me, Munson," Steve shoots back, taking his package and plopping on the couch across the circle from you. 

"Not my job," Eddie mumbles. The kids dissolve into giggles and you suddenly find your fingernails fascinating as Steve opens his present carefully, sliding his fingers underneath the taped seams to avoid tearing the paper. You didn't know he'd be so careful with it, so methodical. It makes your stomach flutter. 

"Oh, shit," he says when he sees what it is. "No way!" 

"Well, are you gonna show us?" Max asks. Why is she looking at you like that? She's going to give you away! Steve holds up the now-unwrapped album: Bruce Springsteen Live: 1975-1985. It's more a box than a sleeve, considering it's got five LPs inside. 

Jonathan whistles. "Didn't that just come out?" he asks. Steve nods, eyes raking over the cover as he turns it over with careful hands.

"Those are impossible to get," Eddie adds. "Record shop has been sold out for weeks."

Eddie is right. You had to beg the guy at the store to save one for you over a month ago. It cost more than you'd like to admit but you knew that Steve would love it and you were right. The look on his face is worth every penny. And then he looks up and right at you. You have no idea how he can tell you got it for him, but he's right. 

"You," he says. His tone makes you feel hot all over. The room seems to hold its breath and then you nod and everyone cheers. 

"Got it in one," Lucas says. "Wonder how he did that." Max elbows him. 

"Your turn," Robin says. You stand and dig in the pile for yourself until you find a soft package wrapped in green plaid with a kind of droopy white ribbon bow. You hold it up as you settled back into your spot and everyone oohs and awws appropriately. 

As soon as you tear the paper you feel your throat grow thick. 

"What is it?" El asks. You rip off the rest of the paper and inhale sharply as you realize what you're holding. 

"It's my scarf," you say quietly. Well, it's a newer version of the scarf that you wear all the time but lost a few weeks ago. 

Steve is the only person you told that you lost it. 

"Don't you have one just like that?" Dustin asks. "Kinda lame to get another."

"No," you say, clearing your throat so your voice sounds less hoarse. "No, I used to. But I lost it."

"It's pretty," Nancy said kindly. "Do you want to guess?"

You don't hesitate. "Steve," you say. You finally look at him and see that he's leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, watching you intensely. He blinks a few times and then rubs the back of his neck. Is it blushing?

"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I'm glad you like it--"

"Crazy how you guys got each other, right?" Lucas says. Max elbows him again. "Who goes now?"

You realize then that it's been rigged. You and Steve were supposed to get each other so that your friends could see what you'd do, could watch this embarrassment play out in front of them. But they aren't cruel, so the only reason they'd do that was if they thought you both needed some nudging. So, that must mean...

You wish you could say that you pay attention to how the rest of the exchange goes. But you don't, not really. You just stroke your scarf and try not to stare too hard at Steve and fail for the most part. Your stomach feels full of butterflies and you can't believe he figured out how to find a scarf that looks exactly the same and you want to kiss him so badly you wonder how much longer you can bear not telling him so. 

Lucky for you the opportunity to do so arrives quickly. All the presents are exchanged and everyone is toying with their new items and gossiping, so when Steve stands to say he's going to start the hot chocolate, no one even blinks. And when you stand to go with him to the kitchen to help, no one says a word. 

And then you're in the kitchen, alone. 

You don't help much, instead hopping up to sit on the counter and watching as Steve pulls out a huge sauce pan and pours milk into it, setting it on the stove so that it'll warm up.

"So," he says, turning to you once he's done and crossing his arms. "Thank you for the records. It's too much, but--"

"It's not too much," you interrupt him. "I know you've wanted them ever since it was announced they'd be doing the collection." 

"You kept the secret pretty well," he says. "I don't even remember telling you that." He steps forwards and you move your knees so that he can stand in the v of your legs. His gaze is so intense you swallow. 

"You kept yours pretty well, too," you say, softer. Your hands tug on the hem of your sweater. You're starting to get worried that you'll reach out and touch him if you don't keep them occupied. "The scarf, Steve--"

"Is such a good color for you," he says. "I know you loved the other one." You hum and look away from him. "So, we're good at keeping secrets. Got any others you want to spill?"

He steps even closer, his hips hitting the counter and your knees brushing his belt. He keeps his arms crosses, still, but he's so close you can see his pupils dilate. You look down at your own hands. "Cause I've got one," he says. "I think it was rigged."

"You do?"

"I do," he says. Laughter trickles in from the other room but Steve doesn't move.

"Why?" Your words sound more like breath than anything else, but Steve understands. He always does. 

"I can think of a few reasons," he says softly. Then there's a slight pressure on your chin and you realize he's guiding it up with the knuckle of his pointer finger. "Can't you?"

"Yeah," you admit. He doesn't move his hand, keeping it touching your face, and you feel him put the other one on your knee. You cover it with one of your own and it's his turn to gasp a little. But he quickly recovers and smiles softly, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

"Wanna share with the class?" The Harrington charm is softer than it once was, and it worms its way into your heart and makes you feel like a million bucks because it's directed at you.

"You don't want to guess?" you say lightly. Steve is leaning forward now, inching closer and closer, but he's doing it so slowly.

"I don't think I have to," he says. "Do I?"

"Steve," you breathe. His hand moves from your chin to cup your jaw, thumb running over the corner of your mouth and up your cheek. You close your eyes and gently squeeze his hand. 

"Okay," he says softly. And then he's kissing you. He's kissing you right there in his kitchen, your knees digging into his hips, milk boiling on the stove, and everyone you love in the next room. He's kissing you and kissing you and kissing you and you clutch at his arm with your free hand and he pulls back a little before touching his forehead to yours. 

"Milk's probably ready," you say, eyes still closed. You feel his huff on your skin. 

"Just a second." His nose rubs against yours. "I'm enjoying my gift." A laugh bubbles out of you at his shameless flirting and you pull him in for a hug, burying your face in his neck. 

"They're gonna be smug," you say. You feel his chest rumble.

"Not as smug as me," he says. "I've got you."

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, masterlist here!

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

July 19th, 1985 - Queen Story!

The Sun - I AM THE CHAMPION

Why Fantastic Freddie Stole Live Aid Show

(Boogie time for winners) by Nick Ferrari

Rock fans have been saying for years that Freddie Mercury is the world’s greatest.

Now the world knows how right they are–because Freddie and his band, Queen, stole the honours at the star-studded Live Aid concert.

His blistering show, with its haunting finale, left all the other pop greats standing.

Freddie, a very energetic 38, cannot resist giving it all he’s got once he is on stage.

He says: “I have to win people over, otherwise it’s not a successful gig. It’s my job to make sure people have a good time. That’s part of my duty. It’s all to do with feeling in control. That song We Are The Champions has been taken up by football fans because it’s a winners’ song.

“I can’t believe that somebody hasn’t written a new song to overtake it.”

In a revealing interview Freddie talks freely and frankly about his superstar friends, his astonishing song writing output and his sad love life.

_Shock_

His composing has brought him into constant with Elton John, Rod Stewart — and the reclusive Michael Jackson.

He says: “I recorded about two or three tracks with Michael, but none of them are out at the moment.”

It was Freddie who started recording State of Shock with Jackson, but he did not have time to finish it. Mick Jagger stepped in–and they had a hit.

A Mercury-Jackson duo was also planned for the smash-hit Thriller album, but that did not come off, either.

Not that Freddie worries over such set-backs. His recording career did very nicely, thank you, when he released his solo album _Mr Bad Guy_

“I was pleased with it,” he says. “I was also pleased with my voice. I like it husky. It’s all the smoking. That’s why I smoke — to get that husky voice.”

So how did he reach the high notes? “I used the Demis Roussos method,” he says. “You get a pair of pliers under the frock and go crunch!”

One of the tracks on Freddie’s new album is entitled Love Is Dangerous. Is that his view? He says: “I can be a good lover, but I think after all these years I’m not a very good partner for anybody. Maybe my love is dangerous, but who wants their love to be safe?”

_Tragic_

“I’m possessed by love–but isn’t everybody? Most of my songs are love ballads and things to do with sadness and torture and pain.

“In terms of love, you’re not in control and I hate that feeling. I seem to write a lot of sad songs because I’m a very tragic person. But there’s always an element of humour at the end.”

But for all his fame and adulation, Freddie remains a lonely man.

He says: “The album track Living on My Own is very me. I have to go round the world living in hotels. You can have a whole shoal of people you know looking after you. But in the end they all go away. But I’m not complaining. I’m living on my own and having a boogie time.”

And this man, with millions of fans all over the world admits he has few friends.

Freddie says: “When you’re a celebrity, it’s hard to approach somebody and say: ‘Look, I’m normal underneath.’ Then what happens is the tread all over me because by trying to be normal to somebody, suddenly I’ve come out of my shell and become far more vulnerable than most people.”

_Fun_

“Because I’m successful and have a lot of money, a lot of greedy people prey on me. But that’s something I’ve learned to deal with.

“I’m riddled with scars and I just don’t want any more.”

Instead Freddie turns to his fans to feel wanted again. He said: “I find even when people have let you down, you just want to go on stage. It’s very gratifying to know that all sorts of people want you.”

Freddie has also learned how to enjoy his fame. He says: “I was caught up in being a star and I thought “This is the way a star behaves. Now I don’t give a damn. I want to do things my way and have fun.”

“If all my money ended tomorrow, I’d still go about like I had lots of money because that’s what I used to do before. I’ll always walk round like a Persian Poppinjay and no one’s gonna stop me.”

“I love living life to the full — that’s my nature. Nobody tells me what to do.”

TEARS TURN ME ON

Freddie is a great admirer of modern band and current music in spite of his years in the business. He says: “I like Tears For Fears, Wham!, and Culture Club– they’re all very good. But Tears For Fears are among my favourites because they’re writing music I cam really relate to.”

_Dream_

“They’ve got a lot of rhythm and at the same time they’ve got a lot of aggression. They also have very good songs. But I love the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, above all other singers. She must have one of the best voices ever. She sings like a dream. I wish I could sing half as well as she does. It’s so natural.

“She puts her whole emotion into it. Each word she sings is full of meaning and expression. I could listen to it forever.”

Freddie also reveals his deep love of opera. He says: “Montserrat Cabelle is sensational. She has that same kind of emotion as Aretha Franklin. The way she delivers a song is so very natural. It’s a very different gift.”

But Freddie’s favourite band remains Queen who have been toether now for 13 years.

And he strongly denies making a solo album has threatened the future of one of the world’s greatest rock bands. Freddie says: “It’s probably brought us closer together and will enhance our careers.”

_Closer_

“It’s like painting a picture. You have to step away from it to see what it’s like. I’m stepping away from Queen and I think it’s going to give everybody a shot in the arm.

“But I’ll be working with Queen again. No doubt about that. Queen are gonna come back even bigger.”

(➡️ source: http://queenarchives.com/qa/07-19-1985-the-sun/)

📸 Pic: July 13, 1985, Wembley Stadium, London, UK

'Live Aid'

[cleolinda]

Samsara (Guerlain, 1989 EdP & 2023 EdT)

A sandalwood overdose embellished by ylang-ylang and jasmine. Samsara is the first woody women's fragrance in perfumery. It is constructed over a beautifully crafted sandalwood, used for the first time in these quantities in perfumery. (Guerlain.com)

From Eau de Tati, the back story:

Jean-Paul Guerlain created Samsara in 1985 for Decia de Powell, the woman he loved and who wore the fragrance for four years before it was launched. Jean-Paul took the opportunity to create the perfume for her, as she could not find a perfume that appealed to her. She liked jasmine and sandalwood, in particular, and these were the raw materials on which Samsara was based.

It seems that Gérard Anthony co-created the fragrance, but Guerlain has always loved a good legend. Whether the Sanskrit word "saṃsāra" ("the concept of rebirth and 'cyclicality of all life, matter, existence'") suits the fragrance as a name is a lengthy discussion I'll leave to others.

On the face of it, Samsara is another Guerlain journey into orientalism (stop that!); it's a classic example of loud 1980s fragrance (outdated); it's a benchmark in the Western perfume industry's use of sandalwood (notable). I wanted to write up this one purely because I already had it on hand: when I say "1989," I mean, my mom gave me an eau de parfum sample in 1989. I would have been about ten years old, and I loved collecting little sample vials that gave me too many headaches to actually use—just to keep in my little treasure boxes full of costume jewelry and tumbled rocks and skeleton keys. Apparently I was a magpie, or maybe a dragon. There's only about five molecules left, but as it turns out, that is more than enough.

I also ordered a fresh decant of the current formulation from the Perfumed Court—all they had was the eau de toilette, not the EdP, so this is not a one-to-one comparison. Instead, we have, on one hand, the most aged a Samsara can get, saved since its debut year, and on the other, the lightest, freshest iteration possible. It's lovely, that new EdT. But it's not what I expected at all. A couple of years ago I managed to uncork the 1989 Samsara, and all I got was this incredible note of mingled sandalwood and jasmine—just the richest, smoothest, deepest thing you've ever smelled. But the new one, from my notes: "BUBBLEGUM??"

Powdery fresh floral, rose? Like a living flower that happens to be powdery, not a cosmetic. Very very fresh and outdoorsy, like a garden. The vague idea of sandalwood underneath. Something a bit sweeter coming out, maybe vanilla jasmine. Very light, very easy to wear. Airy, breezy. Sheer.

And then, ten minutes in, bubblegum came out. Motherfucking bubblegum. I had to look up what the old-fashioned Bazooka Joe-type flavor is, because it's not that—there's no tiny twang of clove or wintergreen hiding behind the fruits and vanilla. This is straight-up Juicy Fruit gum. Which involves banana, pineapple, and maybe peach, for a flavor "resembling jackfruit." Now, apparently jackfruit contains "banana oil," aka isoamyl acetate, so I went and googled it on a hunch: yes, it’s in ylang ylang too. Combine that with Samsara's actual peach note (although it smells fresher than the lactone in Mitsouko) and vanilla—

Basenotes.com: Green notes, peach, ylang ylang, bergamot, lemon, iris and orris, violet, jasmine, rose, narcissus, sandalwood, tonka, amber, musk, and vanilla.

—and you've got a powdery-nectar sandalwood bubblegum. It's so good. Two birthdays ago, I got myself a wide-ranging set of essential oils, just so I could see what things smell like individually; the night after I tried Samsara, I started messing around with them, and it's 10,000% the ylang that's bringing the strange fruity note. I rarely if ever see anyone mention the ylang-ylang in Samsara—they always talk about how strong the jasmine is, but I SWEAR TO YOU that this is what it does on me. In fact, twenty minutes in, Bubble Ylang was mostly what I was smelling.

At the same time, the fresh EdT was really, really powdery—you see iris there in not one but two levels of the note pyramid, and orris is just iris root. The classic Guerlains use the ionones of iris and violet a lot; they're in the house accord, the Guerlinade, which I may also try to get a sample of. But the powder is so much stronger in Samsara than I expected. I was promised a sandalwood overdose, and I'm sitting here with Juicy Fruit floating over a bed of irises—like the row of cool dark purple ones we had lining our driveway when I was a kid—at the half-hour mark. According to my notes, I didn't really get ~sandalwood until an hour-twenty, and even that was still blurring into the ylang-ylang. (Apparently these two notes are really compatible; it's the only thing same combination I liked in Chanel No. 5.) That said, it's lovely and sweet and easygoing if you APPLY SPARINGLY. Of the three Guerlains I've tried, this one was by far the easiest to wear.

Which is wild, because supposedly, Samsara is A Sandalwood Bomb, a true big-hair fume of the '80s that will choke you out of a room. And yet, I didn't even get the sandalwood clearly until more than an hour in. There's two reasons for this, I discovered:

One is that I microdose perfume. I always point this out because I want you to understand that if you apply more fragrance than I do, you are not going to get the tame results I do. If you spray Tyrannosaurus Rex all over yourself, there is nothing god or mortal can do for you. I used two swipes of the Samsara sample wand on my left wrist—and it did project a good bit, but it was comfortable. If I'd done the same on my right wrist to balance it out, I would have considered myself good to go for a perfume-appropriate occasion. Maybe if you didn't deploy FIVE SPRAYS you wouldn’t be choking on it, idk idk.

The other reason is that the current formulation of Samsara uses Australian sandalwood—whereas the original used a much richer Indian variety. I was surprised to discover that Samsara has always been formulated as a meeting of natural and synthetic sandalwoods, though. But the current version has a newer synthetic: Javanol. And the thing about Javanol is that some people can't smell it. And I may be one of them. Because there is no reason "an overdose of sandalwood" should smell this modest to me, in the same perfume that is shouting white floral, unless I physically cannot perceive its loudest component. But I'm smelling some sandalwood; that must be the natural oil.

For more on Javanol, I turn to a fragrance I haven't actually tried yet: Escentric Molecules' Molecule 04. Javanol is, in fact, that molecule. The product website explains, it's a synthetic that

retains the radiance and endurance of natural sandalwood, but is sheer and transparent like no sandalwood in nature. “What I love about Javanol is its almost psychedelic freshness,” says [creator] Geza Schoen. “It smells as if liquid metallic grapefruit peel were poured over a bed of velvety cream-coloured roses.” Javanol is like Iso E Super, the molecule in Escentric Molecules 01, in some ways. Like Iso E Super, it comes and goes. The person wearing it loses the ability to smell it after a short while, only to re-connect with it later.

Well, "it comes and goes" may be why I'm not smelling as much sandalwood in Samsara as advertised, I guess—maybe I’m not totally anosmic to Javanol? The company that makes it, Givaudan, says that the aromachemical has

a rich, natural, creamy sandalwood note like beta santanol combined with  some rosy nuances. It can also be used at very low dosage (below 0.1%)  to bring richness and creaminess to all types of accords. With its exceptional low threshold, Javanol™ is approximately 8 times more effective in wash tests than the most powerful sandalwood product. [...] In the quest for the perfect Indian Sandalwood, Javanol™ is probably the most versatile note with its power, radiance, woodiness and rosiness, blending perfectly with flowers.

Javanol blends so perfectly with ylang and jasmine, in fact, that I can hardly distinguish it through most of Samsara's lifespan on my skin (I appreciate a good olfactory chimera, so that's fine). I can also see why you'd reformulate Samsara, already famous for its Godzilla-sized projection, with the biggest, loudest synthetic sandalwood on the market. But the thing is, the Beast of Givaudan wasn't created until 1996. Javanol may be what Guerlain has paired with Australian sandalwood nowadays, but my original sample was made with [probably a mix of synthetics including] Givaudan's Sandalore and the good stuff—20% (!) Mysore sandalwood.

Mysore Sandalwood Oil is a trademarked perfume oil extracted from the Santalum album variety of sandalwood tree (also known as a "royal tree") in the Mysore district of Karnataka, India. The tree species is said to be one of the best varieties in the world. (Wikipedia, the most concise explainer)

It's also the most expensive. But while I'm sure reformulations are a cost-cutting measure, sandalwood sustainability has also become a huge issue; I'm happy with synthetics if it helps the cause. The Australian sandalwood used in the current Samsara seems to be a popular and less-threatened natural option; it's also in two other fragrances I'm trying at the moment, Le Labo's Santal 33 and Tom Ford's Santal Blush. But it's like the difference between tulle and velvet. You can still use it beautifully, but there is a smoothness and a weight that's missing. People say that Mysore sandalwood is "creamy," even sweet, and it is, but not in a dairy or dessert way; it's legitimately this kind of olfactory texture that's so good. By contrast, the scent of Australian sandalwood feels a little harsh in the top of my nose, full of wood grain and pencil shavings, but also lighter. And yet it blends just as well with the notes of the new Samsara, just in different ways.

As for the old—Mysore and Sandalore® were what greeted me when I uncapped my vintage, 34-year-old sample:

oh my god. ohhhhh my gooooood.

That big sweet fruity ylang-ylang immediately bounced right out—how had I only smelled jasmine in the vial before? I'll stop here and tell you a little bit about ylang-ylang, which is not the note I was expecting to go on about, but here we are:

When you hear about "white florals," they're generally talking about jasmine, gardenia, tuberose (you'll remember this one from HYPNOTIC POISON), lily, lily of the valley—and ylang ylang, even though the latter is a showy yellow flower. I truly don't know how to describe the White Floral if you're not familiar with it, especially since I've never perceived any funky "animalic" indole notes. It's just good to me, very rich, very perfumy, and apparently it does, in an aromatherapy context, have a slightly sedative effect; this may be why people talk about "narcotic" white florals. Ylang-ylang takes the woozy richness of jasmine and, uniquely, adds that fruity, slightly spicy, banana-esque note; I'd love to look for the differences between white florals as I try out more fragrances. With Samsara(s), the jasmine doesn't seem distinct to me, serving instead to support the ylang-ylang, and maybe this is why I only smelled jasmine in the vial: it's my skin chemistry, once again, that's playing favorites.

You know what else my skin apparently loves? Expensive vintage sandalwood. The original Samsara skipped straight to the 1:20 mark and—speaking of narcotics—hit me like a tranquilizer dart. I just curled up on my bed and held my wrist to my nose for about an hour. I was like a cat on the 'nip. My God. I had some hand-me-down incense sticks from the '70s when I was a teenager, and I have been chasing that sandalwood high for three decades. This is it. The blanket of iris, the bergamot blast other reviewers talk about (I only got it the third time I wore the EdT), the supporting cast of notes—barely there. Just the gold.

For about two hours, it was amazing. Then, gradually, Samsara grew more and more overpowering, like a rogue science project slowly ballooning out of control. I ended up wiping it off with a little jojoba oil—not washing it off (DON'T WASTE IT!!), but reducing the amount I had on. There's only about two drops, thick as maple syrup, left in that vial, and that's fine.

Meanwhile, every time I wear the current eau de toilette, it disappears after about three hours.

I wish I'd been able to get a current EdP sample to compare the two formulations directly. But you know what? I still enjoy the iris-forward, sandalwood-backward Samsara. It's easy to wear and it doesn't overstay its welcome, which is a good thing for someone with fragrance sensitivities (me). As much as I love the smooth golden Mysore aspect, I'd rather have the option to reapply than be trapped with the Sandalwood That Ate 1989.

Perfume discussion masterpost

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus

For those who are not aware, I have decided to run the gauntlet of @bengiyo’s Queer Cinema Syllabus and have officially started Unit 2: Race, Disability, and Class. The films in Unit 2 are: The Way He Looks (2014), Being 17 (2016), Naz and Maalik (2015), The Obituary of Tunde Johnson (2019), Margarita With a Straw (2014), and My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)

Today I will be writing about

The Way He Looks (2014) dir. Daniel Ribeiro

(image descriptions in alt text)

[Available on Amazon, Run Time- 1:36, Language: Portuguese]

Summary: Leonardo is a blind teenager searching for independence. His everyday life, the relationship with his best friend, Giovana, and the way he sees the world change completely with the arrival of Gabriel. 

Cast Ghilherme Lobo as Leonardo, a blind teenager Fabio Audi as Gabriel, Leonardo’s love interest Tess Amorim as Giovana, Leonardo’s best friend

__

I will tell you right now that I was so excited when I saw this on Ben’s list of films. I remember watching the 15 minute short I Don’t Want to Go Back Alone that was made in 2011, with the same premise and actors. The popularity of that short resulted in the creation of a feature length film that aired in 2014. I have not seen this movie probably since 2014, but I remember that I deeply deeply loved both the short and the feature film. 

So though there are a metric fuck ton of movies on this list, and it would honestly be smarter overall of me to skip over the films I have already seen. There is no way in hell that I will be doing that for this film. I would like to experience the nostalgia, thank you very much. 

As a note, while I am slowly starting to embrace “disabled” as an identity for myself, I do not have Leo’s disability, and would be curious to hear if anyone who is legally blind has seen this film and what their thoughts on the portrayal of blindness in it is. Obviously you do not have to do that. So with the acknowledgement that the actor who plays Leonardo is not blind in real life, I think it is time to talk about this film!

I love that you can tell immediately this is going to be a gay film because it opens with a pool scene, and as we should all know by now, the pools are for the gays. I think this film does an incredible job of setting up Leonardo’s blindness for the audience both in the way that she does not properly disguise her smile at the joking suggestion that Leo and her kiss because she knows Leo can’t see her reactions as well as in the very casual way Leo continues to talk to Giovanna after she has dipped underneath the water again because he cannot see where she went.

I like that much of Leonardo’s character really revolves around straining against the barriers his parents have placed around him, and being a normal teenager. It is very important to me in pieces that include disability that the disabled person is portrayed as close to a normal person as they can be. Leonardo doesn’t communicate with his parents when he decides to stay out late, he sneaks out of his house, he has a crush on a boy he isn’t quite sure likes him back. Walt Junior in Breaking Bad gets in fights with his parents and gets mad at his mom because she takes away the fancy car Walt bought him. Heart in Moonlight Chicken sneaks out, and wants to learn how to drive a moped, and work a job.

It is possible to show where someone’s limitations are and the adaptations that exist as a result of them, while ensuring that you are not doing what Leo’s mother is often doing and infantilizing her teenage son because she is worried about his safety (which is like, also just a Mom thing so I’ve heard). 

Something that I have noticed in a few of the romance plots that involve disabled characters (since this entire syllabus is a build up to watching BLs I will use The Way He Looks and Moonlight Chicken as my comparison points here) is that the disabled character is often treated with kid gloves by the people who have known them the longest, and that a new character comes in that is generally unfamiliar with their disability, can forget they have it, and generally treats the disabled character with far more normalcy than the rest of their friends and family. 

And that trend exists in both The Way He Looks and in Moonlight Chicken. In Moonlight Chicken, Li Ming meets Heart, doesn’t understand that he is Deaf initially, but then does start learning sign language, but even as he learns sign language sometimes he will catch himself starting to speak without signing, forgetting that Heart can’t hear him, and then he will stop mid-sentence and correct his behavior. In The Way He Looks, Gabriel frequently makes comments or suggests activities that rely on sight and remind Leonardo and the audience that Gabriel forgets about Leo’s disability. I like this in the way that Leo is trying to show the people in his life that he can be independent, and they are having a difficult time adjusting to that reality. His parents worry for his safety and Giovanna wants to believe that Leo needs to rely on her and her help because she has a crush on him and wants to keep him close. 

And while I am not blind, and I do not interact frequently with blind people in person, I will say that one of my favorite moments in this film is when Gabriel walks Leo home by himself for the first time, and forgets to tell Leo about possible hazards on the sidewalk. This continues to affirm that while there are positives to Gabriel forgetting Leo’s disability in terms of allowing Leo to have more freedom and to get new experiences, like going to the movies, that Gabriel isn’t perfect and that for all the independence Leo wants, there are going to be things that he will want or need help with that people have to be prepared to enact. I love this moment too for the fact that Gabriel apologies, Leo says “it’s alright, you’ll warn me next time” and still allows Gabriel to keep their arms linked while also pulling out his cane so that he can have a safer and more secure understanding of the sidewalk in front of him and identify any potential hazards himself. And I love even more that he continues to use his cane for days or weeks after he stumbles over a tripping hazard until Gabriel tells him he can put the cane away (an indication that he feels comfortable with his role in helping Leo navigate without having to be explicit about it).

There are lots of wonderful little details in Ghilherme’s performance, and even in the props and sets. More than once in the movie, someone will touch Leonardo, kiss him on the cheek, etc and he will very subtly jerk back, caught off guard by not being able to see the action coming. You can see his walking cane sticking out of the side pocket of his backpack. At home, Leo is frequently in the dark, which is double fun because lots of gay shit happens in the dark, and because it is yet another subtle reminder that Leo is totally blind. He has no use for lights.

I like that Leo’s friends and teachers don’t just let abuse happen to him, and will interject if they see classmates act out of line, but I also appreciate that Leo does not really seem that bothered or impacted by the bullying he faces. We never see him breakdown about it, we never really see him lose his spark. He never appears to be worried about what people will do or say to him. His biggest hang up for about half the film is the fact that his best friend is mad at  him and won’t talk to him, and that he wants to study abroad. That is primarily what he worries about. Yet he isn’t one of the stoic sufferers either, we get to see those little moments of self consciousness, when he says he can’t dance, when he waits to go in to the showers until everyone else has left because it’s awkward, etc. 

I love that there is not suffering in this film, even as there are direct and indirect references to ableism and homophobia. Leo’s bullies make comments about how being friends with Gabriel have turned Leo more masculine, they make comments about Gabriel and Leo being in a relationship just because they are linking arms to Gabriel can guide him, Gabriel kisses Leo and then runs away immediately afterwards. Leo’s bullies wave their fingers an inch in front of Leo’s face close enough where he feels something is maybe off but can’t tell what it would be, they make comments about the machine he uses to take notes, they try to get him to kiss a dog during the spin the bottle game. And for all that these moments of cruelty exist, the bullies are literally silenced at the end and the main bully is made to look like a fool with the acknowledgement of Gabriel and Leonardo’s relationship. All of the bully’s friends start laughing at him, when Leo stops and takes Gabriel’s hand. Giovana is upset that Leo has a crush on Gabriel, not because he is gay, but because she had a crush on Leo and is realizing that she has no chance with him. 

Considering this is a movie in the race, disability, and class section I do kind of wish that we could have gotten a bit further into the intersection of disability and queerness here, two oppressed and marginalized identities.  But ultimately, it is not that kind of film and that is totally okay. 

By, For, About 

Again, I do not know for certain the sexuality of the people who are involved in the storytelling elements of this show, but I think I am leaning towards By and About queer people. Because being queer is not the central aspect of this story to me, rather the mounting desire for independence and general high school friend drama is far more prominent of a theme in this film, I do not think it is for queer people. 

It is wonderful, and there are many moments in it that do not let you forget these characters are queer. Leo masturbates wearing Gabriel’s hoodie, Gabriel sees Leo naked in the shower and gets a boner, etc. But for me this story is about possibility, independence, friendship, and love rather than The Queer Experience™. 

Favorite Moment 

I am torn between two. The first being the movie theater scene and the second being the eclipse scene. Ultimately they have similar vibes which is why it’s hard for me to choose.

In the movie theater scene, Gabriel has just prior learned that he and Leo both wanted to procrastinate on their history project, and Gabriel suggests they go see a movie, forgetting Leo can’t see. But Leo agrees to go, and we get this really beautiful moment of Leo getting a chance to lean in close to Gabriel (ah the intricate rituals to touch the skin of other men) and to ask him to narrate what is going on. I love it because it shows us this gentle way of Leo helping Gabriel to adapt the theater experience, and the fact that they are whispering back and forth to one another feels like they are telling secrets, even as Gabriel is simply telling Leo what he is seeing on screen. I love too the aftermath of that movie trip being that Giovana is upset that she wasn’t invited, and though we don’t get much more than a line from Leo akin to “we never go to the movies” that line itself speaks volumes, at least to me, about the boxes that Leo’s loved ones have put him in. Leo is blind, so why would he ever go to the movies? He can’t see what’s on screen. Yet because Gabriel at that point in the film often forgets that Leo is blind, Leo is able to experience something new and to find a way to guide Gabriel so that they can both enjoy the experience.

Similarly, Leo is invited by Gabriel to go and watch the lunar eclipse, before Gabriel once again realizes that Leo cannot see it. But Leo still agrees, and we get another beautiful moment where Gabriel tries to explain what an eclipse is and what it looks like to Leo. We get this tender moment where Gabriel has an excuse to gently touch Leo’s cheek as he asks “You know how your face is warmed by sunlight?” at the beginning of his explanation (ah, the intricate rituals that allow men to touch the skin of other men). I love that Gabriel and Leo are once again able to share a moment, once again in the dark, and this time Gabriel does not have to be guided towards narrating the view as much as Leo asks a single question and Gabriel tries multiple ways of discussion the concept until he sees what explanation clicks in Leo’s head. 

Favorite Quote

“Leo, if you had ever stolen a kiss from someone, how would you give it back?”

This entire script is wonderful, but there is absolutely no better line than this one. This is one of the last lines of the film, and Gabriel asks it after he has finished casually providing information about his crush until Leonardo picks up on the fact that Gabriel is talking about him. 

Score 

10/10.

God, truly, I feel like maybe I’m too lenient on these films, because I don’t think I’ve scored anything below a 9 yet. But it’s not my fault that I am thoroughly enjoying my time.

[differentsublimephantom]

@prisen09 @the-abnormal-anatomy @unchocoflan @shiberamune @friendlyneighborhoodgaycousin

@aiyanawyld @tiptapricot @tillandbed-travelingvlog @bueller-alf @its-a-hare-pom-pom

Hey, I know I just tagged all of you in another Bill and Ted fanfic, but here’s another, based on my ship of Rufus, and Emmet ‘doc’ Brown from back to the future, and also some fandom recognition for the three leaders of the future, who don’t have much character, so their basically my ocs at this po, but they need some attention imo

Also, @professional-termite idk if you’re in the bill and ted fandom, but I once shared a fic with you, and you said I should try to space out the paragraphs more? Feedback? Is this good? I tried lmao

Also, also, tell me if you’d read more of this, because I’ll def write more!

Rufus woke up to his usual morning alarm at 6:30am, and he heard his husband start moving to get up. “Sorry honey, did my alarm wake you?”

He heard a very tired Emmet L. “Doc” Brown reply back an “Mm hm” as a “yes”. “Well, the most excellent thing about having an alarm, is the days when you can ignore it. We can sleep in for a while if you want?”

He heard another, more enthusiastic “Mm hmm!” from his partner, and chuckled, shutting off the alarm and getting back underneath the covers on the bed.

Rufus had fallen in love with Emmet Brown two years ago now, during a time-travelling mishap. They had kept in touch, and despite the two of them living in different points in time, they thought dating was worth a shot.

Emmet still technically lived in the year 1985, but he visited Rufus and stayed nights at his house whenever he could.

They had date nights every Friday, and made each other dinner at least once every week, and delivered it to the other’s house.

~~~~~~~~~~ time skip~~~~~~~~~~~~

Doc heard Rufus’ cell phone buzz on the bedside table. He glanced at the digital alarm clock sitting next to his husband’s side of the bed. 9:36AM. Emmet grunted, sitting up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“Rufus, dear. Time to get up.” Rufus immediately sat up. “Good morning my most excellent partner.” He said sleepily. Emmet chuckled at his tired husband, and his way of speaking. “Why’d your cell phone buzz?” Emmet asked.

Rufus held back a small laugh at Emmet still calling it a “cell phone”. Even though Rufus had shown his husband many futuristic inventions and concepts, he was still a slightly old-fashioned soul.

His train of thought ended abruptly when he realized the question he had been asked had so far been unanswered. “It was probably a text, let me look.” Rufus mumbled as he stretched, his back making multiple cracking sounds, and then reached for his phone.

Rufus sighed and read the notification on his phone. “One new message from Alex Lavender” Ah. It was Alex. Alex, Caleb, and Jackie were some of Rufus’ best friends, other than Emmet of course.

They also just so happened to be the Three Leaders of the Future, aka the most important people of Rufus’ era. No big deal or anything. They were all dorks anyways. Sure, they seemed all serious, intimidating, and stoic while at work, but at home?

They were the most friendly, most lovely, and most chaotic (in a good way, of course!) people Rufus’ knew.

(On Rufus’ phone, if I didn’t make that clear enough) 👇

Non-bi-babe: hey @Best-TeacherEVER;) and @GREAT.SCOTT! Wanna go to an outdoor concert and market? You’d better because you have 30 minutes to get ready and we’ll be outside your house to pick you up! See you then! <3<3<3

[sanderssidesfanfiction]

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Eighteen

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

June 5th, 1985

“Now come on, Emile, the polite thing to do is to apologize,” his mom coaxed.

Emile stared up at her with a stubborn frown. “He shoved me first!” he said, accusing the boy standing in front of him, his own mother behind him.

“But shoving back is not the answer,” his mother reminded. “Apologize, please.”

Emile sighed but turned to the boy. “Sorry,” he sullenly muttered.

The boy didn’t say anything until his mother nudged him and he said the same. They both walked back to the playground they had been on and looked at each other. “Can we agree that apologizing is dumb and just play tag or something?” the boy asked.

Emile nodded. “Works for me. Saying sorry is only for when you really mean it, anyway.”

  January 7th, 2001

Emile couldn’t deny that things were awkward after Remy’s latest therapy session. He wasn’t proud of it, but he had been trying to avoid Remy the past couple of days so that they didn’t wind up in an argument, or worse, a screaming match.

Of course, things couldn’t stay like this forever, with Emile avoiding Remy and Remy just in general being very quiet and walking on eggshells. It was like he was expecting to be hurt, and it made Emile’s blood boil. So on a day where both of them were exhausted from long shifts, and Emile was stressing over his homework, and Remy was worrying about how much food they had in the refrigerator, Emile slammed a door, Remy jumped a foot and immediately snapped back a, “Hey!” and the dialogue began. “You can’t just slam anything you want when you’re angry, Emile! You know I don’t like loud noises!”

“Yeah, and you’ve never told me why, which leads me to a few unsavory ideas, which is what’s making me angry in the first place!” Emile snapped.

Remy growled. “We’re low on food and we barely have enough money for rent, and you’re angry about something that happened years ago?!”

Emile stilled. “So it did happen?”

“Yeah! My mother had a bad habit of getting angry and slamming doors and yelling! Sometimes at other people, mostly just in general! She’d mock whatever anyone said that set her off, and she’d stomp around like she was out for blood!” Remy’s breath heaved in his chest. “She demanded respect, and perfection, and when she didn’t get it, she’d get angry! That’s normal!”

“That’s not normal, that’s horrifying!” Emile exclaimed. “You’re acting like a living breathing doormat when it comes to your parents! You deserve respect!”

“No I don’t!” Remy said, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t even hold his scowl in place. “What kind of brat who can’t even be thankful for what his parents did to him deserves respect?!”

It was then that Emile realized he had miscalculated. Remy would talk big and pretend that nothing bothered him, but underneath that, he was still a person who can and did get hurt. And this was clearly a touchy subject. “Everyone deserves respect, Rem. Everyone deserves to be loved unconditionally. And not just from one or two people, either. Everyone deserves respect from everyone else. While they may not be loved by everyone, most people are loved by several other people, in one way or another.” His voice was measured, trying to avoid shouting, and he just hoped that Remy wouldn’t interpret that as anger at him. Emile tilted his head to the side. “Mind explaining why you don’t agree?”

“I...I don’t...” Remy stammered. “I...my parents...my parents don’t have to respect me. I have to respect them. That’s how that works. Respect doesn’t have to be a two-way street.”

“Yes it does,” Emile said firmly. “Remy, everyone, no matter how big or small, gay or straight, young or old deserves respect. Because they’re people. Living, breathing people with all their own experiences, their own emotions, their own opinions. They’re sentient beings. They deserve respect.”

“But...but then...then...why couldn’t...why couldn’t my parents...respect me? If you’re right, then that means my parents...my parents were wrong,” he whispered the last word, glancing around fearfully, and it broke Emile’s heart, dimming the fire that had been burning there not even minutes before. He needed to take the gentle approach, while still being straightforward.

“Yes, it does. Because they were,” Emile said firmly. “Listen, Rem. I’m sorry, but your parents weren’t good people. They treated you badly. They hurt you. If they don’t treat you with respect, then they aren’t respectable in my eyes. Full stop. Everyone deserves respect. Everyone deserves to be loved, and be taught to love, not to fear. Because that’s what they did to you, Rem. They taught you fear instead of love, and you’re paying the price for it.”

Remy’s eyes filled with more tears, as he said in a lost, broken voice, “They said they loved me...”

“Maybe they do. But they certainly don’t show it in acceptable ways,” Emile said, taking the few steps needed to cross the kitchen and wrapping his arms around Remy.

Remy hugged Emile back, sobbing into his shoulder, and Emile just hoped that whenever Remy calmed down, he would take what Emile said to heart, so they wouldn’t have to repeat this conversation over again. He hated when they went through the low in the cycle, where Remy was convinced his parents weren’t that bad, that he was overreacting and being a brat, that this, that, and the other thing were what Emile was wrong about when really, those were all signs that a family genuinely cared for you.

He wanted to destroy Remy’s parents, and maybe his grandparents as well, because clearly, they had to get it from somewhere. His siblings and aunts and uncles and cousins got a pass...for now, at least. Emile wouldn’t destroy Toby, ever, because Remy cared about him too much, and he didn’t know how the rest of his family reacted to Remy’s parents’ outrageous demands. But his parents could rot. And Emile knew that wasn’t productive, and Remy probably wouldn’t want to hear it at this point, so he kept that sentiment to himself.

After some time of them just hugging, Remy broke the hug apart, sniffling and looking away, crossing his arms. “Emile...I think my parents neglected me. Like, the actual legal definition.”

Emile felt the need to fight dim down into nothing, leaving only charred remains of the fire behind. “I know,” Emile said softly.

“You don’t,” Remy said, sniffling. “You have parents who genuinely love you and would never do anything to hurt you, even accidentally. You don’t know the half of what I’ve been through these nineteen miserable years.”

Emile winced. “No, I don’t. I said I know in reference to the fact that what they did was neglect. And emotional abuse.”

Remy sighed. He uncrossed his arms, letting them lay limp as his sides. “I’m tired, Emile. I’m so tired.”

“It’s okay to be tired,” Emile said, “So long as you don’t give up the fight entirely. Take a step back, regroup, and tackle this problem a different way.”

Remy laughed, voice still thick with tears. “Every day, you sound more and more like a shrink.”

Emile laughed with him. It felt like the sun was finally beginning to peek through the clouds. “Yeah, well. I suppose that’s a good thing, considering that I want to be a therapist, right?”

Remy rolled his eyes. “You may see it as a good thing, but I’m not so sure.”

“That’s okay,” Emile said, patting Remy’s arm. “So long as I know it’s a good thing, then you can think what you want. It’s my life, so my opinion is the one that matters most.”

Remy blinked. “See, I understand that in concept, but in practice...that’s never been the case. How does that work?”

Emile shrugged. “I’m not sure, it just...does? Like, I want to do something so I weigh the pros and cons, and if I think it’s a good idea, then I do it.”

“And you just...do it?” Remy asked. “There’s no...”

“No what?”

“No one saying it’s a bad idea, or forbidding you from doing it, or whatever?” Remy asked, waving his hands around.

“No. I mean, yeah, sometimes my friends call me a ‘grade-A dumbass’ but like...that’s just friends joking around together. It’s all in good fun, we’ve established it’s not said as an insult, and if I still want to do the thing, they won’t stop me,” Emile explained.

Remy frowned and shook his head. “That sounds...weird. Unnatural.”

“It’s called independence,” Emile said. “And not everyone gets the same amount of it. You’ve never had any and now, all of a sudden, you have all of it. No one can tell you what to do. If you wanted to you could up and quit your job. You could travel the country with nothing to your name but the van you’re using and an old worn-out guitar. And that’s probably...really overwhelming.”

“Yeah,” Remy admitted, running a hand down his face. “I never know if what I’m doing is the ‘right’ thing. Not in the sense of morals, but more in the sense of if I’m going in the direction I’m supposed to be going.”

Emile winced. That sounded particularly difficult, and he knew that a lot of adults struggled with that. “You don’t have to know that, not right away,” Emile said. “You might never know, and that’s okay. So long as you’re happy where you’re at, you have to be doing something right.”

Remy let out a breath and nodded. “I’m...I’m sorry for yelling earlier.”

“So am I,” Emile said. “And I’m sorry for slamming the door.”

Remy waved him off. “All things considered, it’s not the worst thing you could have done. And it got us talking again.”

“Still, I caused a flare-up in your trauma. That’s...really not cool,” Emile said.

Remy shrugged. “I won’t hold it against you,” he said.

“You’re being too kind,” Emile said.

“Nah,” Remy said. “If anyone else were to do that, I wouldn’t have forgiven them so easily. But this is you we’re talking about. You never hurt me on purpose, rarely do it on accident, and always apologize if you do.”

Emile blinked. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. Obviously, he didn’t want to hurt Remy, because he didn’t want to hurt anyone. But at the same time, Remy saw that as a big deal. And now Emile knew why, and it made his heart break more. “Of course,” Emile said. “That’s the right thing to do.”

Remy’s smile was a bit bitter. “You see, you say that, but not everyone agrees. That’s why you’re so important, Emile. Because you see those things that might hurt me as things that might hurt me. And rather than taking your chances, you avoid them. You’re...you’re important. To me.”

Wow. “You’re...putting a lot of faith in me,” Emile said.

Remy shrugged. “I like to think that you would have the same faith in me. If not now, then one day. When I know what I’m doing when it comes to making friends, and being a normal human being.”

“Rem, if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years,” Emile said, giving his friend a small grin. “It’s that there’s no such thing as a ‘normal human being.’ No need to strive for something that doesn’t exist.”

“What should I strive for instead, then?” Remy asked.

Emile shrugged, looking around. “Why not being happy where you are? Being happy with who you are? Just...loving the moment. That’s always been my goal in the past, and I think it worked out well for me.”

“You think so?” Remy asked.

“Yeah, I do. I mean, I’m happy to be here with you, and studying all the while to follow my dreams. It’s nice,” Emile said. “And while it’s not the perfect situation, and we definitely need to figure out where to cut back in expenses so we can afford more food, and maybe a chair or two, it’s nice. I’m not sure if there is such a thing as a ‘perfect situation’ in all honesty. So I just relax, remind myself of why I’m happy, and just like that, my mood improves, and I’m content.”

“Wow. You...clearly do not have that many mental health issues,” Remy laughed.

Emile shook his head. “You worry me, Rem. I’ve had my bad days, but it’s true that I haven’t struggled with depression, or PTSD, or anxiety to the degree you have. It’s still a therapeutic technique that helps, though. I’d recommend trying it.”

“Right, because that will solve all my problems,” Remy sighed.

“It’s not meant to solve all your problems.”

“I know it’s not, I’m just not looking forward to trying it,” Remy said. “But for you, I’ll give it a shot.”

[goalcaufield]

things i didn’t tell you - alex turcotte request: alex finds out you had it BAD for jack before yall started dating word count: 1985

_____________________

you walk down the steps of the hughes household, something you’ve done dozens upon dozens of times before having grown up with all three of the hughes brothers, to see five of your best friends: jack, cole, trevor, spencer, and of course your boyfriend, alex.

“nice of you to show up, isn’t it?” jack chirps from the couch, craning his neck so he can look up at the stairs where you were. 

you roll your eyes, “sorry, blame lex. he didn’t feel like waiting for me to get out of the shower and he bailed.” you narrow your eyes at alex who offers you a boyish smile. once you get close enough he pulls you down onto his lap. he goes to kiss your cheek but you push him away causing some of the boys to chuckle.

“babe,” alex whines and you shake your head, arms crossing over your chest. “you take like, thirty minute showers! i didn’t wanna miss this game.”

“no, i get it, i see where i stand, the leafs game is more important than i am. it’s cool.” you grumble. obviously you’re playing, it wasn’t that big of a deal that you had to drive to jack’s alone, but spending the extra fifteen minutes with alex would’ve been nice. both of you knew your limited time together was coming to an end.

“i can’t believe this is one of our last times we all get to hang out,” cole says, breaking the silence that had fallen over your group. 

“i know, it’s like just yesterday we were all juniors playing our first game together, going to russia, hanging out for the first time. it’s crazy how times fly,” spencer adds on. you get comfortable in alex’s lap, leaning your head back to kiss underneath his jaw. he smiles down at you and you can’t help but to smile right back at him. “so many crazy things have happened over the years.”

thinking of all the stupid shenanigans you’d managed to pull with the boys makes you start to laugh, along with the rest of the boys in the room with you. sure, you and jack had managed to pull many more, and you had a special connection that was like a tag team duo when it came to pranking or messing around with the boys.

“god, remember when jack and y/n/n almost became a thing?” cole asks, and immediately you feel your cheeks burn and your gaze is fixated on jack’s. you’re both staring at each other like deer stuck in the headlights, and neither of you know what to do.

alex’s hands that found their way around your waist slowly pull away from you. “what?” he asks, and then all of the attention is on you and alex. 

of course you hadn’t told alex - you didn’t have to. you and jack were barely even sixteen years old. you had been smitten for that boy since you were eight years old, so when the two of you almost dated? that was something new, and possibly not in a good way.

“yeah, y/n/n had it bad for j and j had it just as bad for y/n/n,” trevor speaks up from the other end of the couch, and if looks could kill you knew he would be six feet under by now.

“oh really?” alex scoffs. “well, this is news to me.”

“trevor, shut up,” you say, and trevor holds his hands up in defense.

“no, no. keep going, tz. i wanna hear about this.”

“alex,” jack says warningly. “we were sixteen. it meant absolutely nothing, and plus, she’s with you now. you can’t be too upset about that, can you?”

alex’s eyes narrow, looking between you and jack. “i can’t be too upset about it? knowing my girlfriend and best friend almost dated? i’m sorry, i feel like that’s something i should’ve known.”

alex’s hands meet your waist again, but this time they aren’t there for long. he moves you off his lap and he stands up. you try and grab his wrist but he waves you off. “lex, why are you so upset?”

“forget it. i’ll just text you later. i’m going up to my room.” alex grumbles, silently moving past everyone and going back upstairs.

you huff and sink back into the couch, eyes moving towards cole who’s trying to sit innocently. you and jack both glare at him and he frowns. “guys, i’m sorry! i didn’t know he’d react like that.”

“well we weren’t sure how he would react, so we didn’t tell him in the first place,” jack says and you agree with him. 

“and it isn’t like it’s important information, cole. and now he’s upset. we were sixteen. alex was already butthurt enough when he found out jack and i were technically each other’s first kisses when we were nine.” you turn to trevor, who immediately his eyes widen like saucers. “and you.”

“me?” trevor asks, voice raising at least five octaves. “is it my cue to run?”

“i’d say so, yeah,” spencer says. you make a sudden movement and trevor flinches back. “tz, chill out.”

“yeah tz, chill out.” you roll your eyes and stand up. “and now, if you guys don’t mind me, i have to go make my boy feel better.”

even though you’ve barely been in the basement for three minutes, you’re headed up the stairs of the basement and then up toward where alex’s room is. his door is closed and you don’t even bother knocking, you walk right in and see him laying on his side, phone in hand facing the fall.

“go away, jack. i really don’t want to talk to you right now.” alex grumbles, not even bothering to look up. you sigh and carefully walk into his room, sitting down on his mattress and lightly placing your hand on his arm, he turns his head. “y/n, i don’t really wanna ta-”

“lex, will you let me talk? let me get things straight?” you ask softly. alex lets out a sigh and he slowly sits up. “thank you, love.” his silence lets you know he’s listening even though he’s looking down in his lap. you cross your legs and sit as close as possible as you can. “j and i have been friends for a really long time, you know that?” alex nods. “good. i’m gonna be honest with you, i had the biggest crush on him when we were growing up. he was my older brother figure, and i had two more out of quinn and luke, the hughes were my second family.

“jack saw me as just an annoying little sister up until we were like, fifteen. but i didn’t know that. i didn’t know that until you came to live with him here, and i guess when he noticed we started becoming friends he wanted to actually tell me he liked me. but we couldn’t do that to our friendship, we had been friends for way too long to risk throwing away all of it. we almost happened, but we didn’t. and i’m happy we didn’t, you wanna know why?”

“why?” alex manages to croak out, his eyes slowly raising to meet your gaze.

“because then i started dating you, bubby. and the past year and a half have been the best months of my life, you know that? i’m so, so happy that jack and i didn’t try anything, because honestly him and i wouldn’t last this long, i’m sure. but you and me did, and i can see us together for a while longer.” 

you grab one of alex’s hands and hold them in both of yours as he sighs. “i just, y/n, you don’t realize how hard this is. jack told me he’s never seen you as more than just a friend, because yeah, i’ve always been jealous of how close you two are. the bond you two have. because we could never have anything quite like you and jack have and it kills me to think about it. he’s everything i’m not.”

“alex turcotte, you did not just say that.” you say, throwing a leg over alex’s lap and situating yourself on his lap. you place both of your hands lightly on his cheeks forcing him to look at you. “lex, you are everything. you’re my amazing, handsome, crazy talented at hockey best friend and boyfriend all in one. and that’s pretty amazing.”

“jack is your best friend, y/n. you don’t have to try and tell me otherwise,” alex grumbles, pushing both of your hands away from his face. “i see how excited you get talking about jack, your best friend, and how he’s supposed to be mr. first overall. because it’s jack. your best friend.”

“is that what this is about, alex? are you just jealous?” you whisper, letting your shoulders drop defeated. because you knew there was no way you’d be able to help him with this - this was his own doing. you can only make yourself feel the way that you do. that’s no one else’s influence, and you sure as hell knew if you tried to help it wouldn’t work.

“i’m incredibly jealous, y/n,” alex chuckles, eyes rolling ever so slightly. he shakes his head. “he’s gotten everything. the amazing life. amazing coaching growing up. amazing opportunities. had personal trainers. he got to know you for so much longer. he almost got you too. he’s got it good and sometimes he takes it for granted and he gets so, so cocky about it. and now what does he get? first overall. when we know anyone in the first round has the potential to do better than him their rookie year.”

alex can’t quite meet your eyes and you can’t quite meet his. you figured he must’ve been holding it in for a while - a long time - and now that he finally cracked you weren’t sure what to say.

“lex,” you mumble. “i didn’t know you felt that way.”

alex finally meets your gaze, and when he does you nearly crumble. there are tears forming in his eyes and he looks absolutely defeated. “no one did,” he manages to croak out, and all you can do is lean into his chest and wrap your arms around his neck.

“alex, i love you more than anything.” you mumble into his chest.

“i know you do, and i trust you do, but it’s so hard to make myself believe that when jack’s your best friend. and now that i know you guys almost dated? it’s even harder. because he’s gotten everything i’ve ever wanted. and the fact he almost got the girl of my dreams? the girl i want to spend forever with, you? well love, it’s even worse.”

you draw away from alex’s chest slowly, “lex, what did you say?” you asked quietly. 

sure, you and alex had been dating for quite some time. but you didn’t necessarily talk too much about the future like you probably should have. of course you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, but hearing him say it out loud? while you were too scared to mention it to him, afraid he didn’t feel the same way?  that was a whole nother story. a weight lifted off your shoulders.

“i wanna spend the rest of my life with you, love. i thought that was pretty obvious to you by now.” alex tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear and you smile, a blush dusting across your cheeks.

“good, because you’re the only boy i want to spend the rest of my life with, alex turcotte.”

[thecoleopterawithana]

You may say I’m a Dreamer (but I’m not the only one)

Like Dreamers Do (1957): I, I saw a girl in my dreams / And so it seems / That I will love her  |  Oh you, you are that girl / In my dreams / And so it seems / That I will love you   |  And I waited for your kiss / Waited for the bliss / Like dreamers do  |  And I, I, I / Oh I'll be there, yeah / Waiting for you, you, you | You, you came just one dream ago / And now I know that I will love you / Oh I knew when you first said hello / That's how I know / That I will love you

.

All My Loving (1963): I'll pretend that I'm kissing / The lips I am missing / And hope that my dreams will come true / And then while I'm away / I'll write home every day / And I'll send all my lovin' to you

.

Things We’ve Said Today (1964): Someday when we're dreaming / Deep in love, not a lot to say / Then we will remember / The things we said today

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I’m Only Sleeping (1966): When I wake up early in the morning / Lift my head, I'm still yawning / When I'm in the middle of a dream / Stay in bed, float up stream (float up stream)

.

Eleanor Rigby (1966): Ah look at all the lonely people / Ah look at all the lonely people | Eleanor Rigby / Picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been / Lives in a dream

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Strawberry Fields Forever (1966): Always, no, sometimes think it's me / But you know I know when it's a dream / I think, er, no, I mean, er, yes / But it's all wrong / That is I think I disagree

.

A Day In The Life (1967): Woke up, fell out of bed / Dragged a comb across my head / Found my way downstairs and drank a cup / And looking up I noticed I was late / Found my coat and grabbed my hat / Made the bus in seconds flat / Made my way upstairs and had a smoke / And somebody spoke and I went into a dream

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Child Of Nature (1968): On the road to Rishikesh / I was dreaming more or less / And the dream I had was true / Yes, the dream I had was true [...] Underneath the mountain ranges / Where the wind that never changes / Touch the windows of my soul / Touch the windows of my soul

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Oh My Love (1968): I feel the sorrow / Oh, I feel dreams / Everything is clear in my heart / I feel life / Oh, I feel love / Everything is clear in our world

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Good Night (1968): Now it's time to say good night / Good night, sleep tight / Now the sun turns out his light / Good night, sleep tight | Dream sweet dreams for me / Dream sweet dreams for you

.

I’ve Got A Feeling (1969): (I've got a feeling) / Everybody had a good year / (A feeling deep inside) / Everybody had a hard time / (Oh yeah) / Everybody had a wet dream / (Oh yeah) / Everybody saw the sunshine

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You Never Give Me Your Money (1969): One sweet dream / Pick up the bags / and get in the limousine / Soon we'll be away from here / Step on the gas and wipe that tear away / One sweet dream came true today / Came true today / Came true today (yes, it did)

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The End (1969): Oh yeah, all right / Are you gonna be in my dreams / Tonight?

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God (1970): The dream is over / What can I say? / The dream is over / Yesterday / I was the Dreamweaver / But now I'm reborn / I was the Walrus / But now I'm John / And so dear friends / You'll just have to carry on / The dream is over

.

Imagine (1971): Imagine all the people / Living life in peace / You may say that I'm a dreamer / But I'm not the only one / I hope someday you'll join us / And the world will be as one

.

Jealous Guy (1971): I was dreamin' of the past / And my heart was beating fast / I began to lose control / I began to lose control

.

Country Dreamer (1972): You and I, country dreamer / When there's nothing else to do / Me, oh my, country dreamer / Make a country dream come true

.

Best Friend (1972): Well, I wake up in the morning, I'm still dreaming 'bout you / Tell you, pretty baby, I'm blue / Wake up in the evening, I'm still screaming out / Over you, over you

.

Hands Of Love (1973): But when I saw you last night / I knew for the first time / That you were the one I'd been dreaming of

.

Six O’ Clock (1973): It could be the comfort going to my head / That makes me wanna dream of you / But while you're sleeping softly in your bed / I wanna tell you, I'd like to tell you / I'd love to tell you too | I don't treat you like I'd like to treat you / Every diamond in the sky is in your eyes / But I don't treat you like I / No, I don't treat you like I / No, I don't treat you like I should

.

#9 Dream (1974): So long ago was it in a dream / Was it just a dream? / I know, yes, I know, seemed so very real / It seemed so real to me [...] Dream, dream away, magic in the air / Was magic in the air? / I believe, yes, I believe, more I cannot say / What more can I say? / On a river of sound / Through the mirror go 'round, 'round / I thought I could feel / Feel, feel, feel / Music touching my soul / Something warm, sudden cold / The spirit dance was unfolding

.

In My Dreams (1974): [unitelligeble] is a dirty [unitelligeble] / It eats you away at the seams / [unitelligeble] for the injured / In my dreams

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I’ll Give You A Ring (1974): You look a little lonely / Maybe I could meet you / Tell me where to reach you / And I'll give you a ring | I'll take you to the pictures / I'll miss the second feature / Lord, I can't believe my eyes / I must be dreaming

.

Nineteen Hundred and Eighty Five (1975): Oh my mama said the time would come / When I would find myself in, love with you / I didn't think / I never dreamed / That I would be around, to see it all come true

.

San Ferry Anne (1976): You’ve got a lot / And from what you’ve got / I’d say you’re doing well, dear | Dressed like a dream / And if things are what they seem / You’re looking swell, dear | Your little man / Brings you trinkets when he can / But he can’t stay, dear | That’s very well / But inside your shiny shell / You dance all day dear | So go, be gay / Let your feelings leap away / Into the laughter | San Ferry Anne / And the world keeps turning / Happy every after

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Real Life (1977): Was I just dreaming, was it only yesterday? / I used to hold you in my arms / And now the baby / And another on the way / Lalalala in a farm / Why must we be alone? / It's real life

.

Beautiful Dream (1979): If I had a dream, baby it's the kind that will do / I gotta share it, share my dream with someone like you / The moon is shinning up above, and I got a heart full of love  |  What am I gonna do with it, baby? (3x) / If I can't share it with you  |  I can't toss it in the river / And I can't toss it in the sea / I can't write it in a paperback / So baby come and get it from me

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My Life (1979?): My life, take it, it's mine to give / Take it, let me live in you / My life, take it, it's yours / Do what you will, I dedicate it to you | What's the use in waking / If you're not there to share the dreams and nightmares?

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Summer’s Day Song (1979): Someone's sleeping / Through a bad dream / Tomorrow it will be over / For the world will soon be waking / To a summer's day

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Real Love (1979): All my little plans and schemes / Lost like some forgotten dreams / Seems that all I really was doing / Was waiting for you [...] It's real love

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Watching The Wheels (1980): People say I'm lazy / Dreamin' my life away / Well, they give me all kinds of advice / Designed to enlighten me

.

Borrowed Time (1980): When I was younger / Living confusion and deep despair / When I was younger / Living illusion of freedom and power | When I was younger / Full of ideas and broken dreams (my friend) / When I was younger ah hah / Everything simple but not so clear

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Twice In A Lifetime (1982): Who knows how to find love / Think before you give your answer / Who knows what a mystery may bring | Once in a life I'm a lucky man / If I can find the kind of love / That's gonna last for me | Twice in a lifetime / Is one of those unspoken dreams / We usually reserve for fantasy | Who knows how we find love / Stop before you give your answer / Who knows when a mystery begins | I know, I know / I know because it's happening to me / I know, I know

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We Got Married (1984): Working hard for the dream, / Scoring goals for the other team, / Times were bad, we were glad / We got married. / Like the way you open up your hearts to each other, / When you find a meeting of the minds. / Just as well love was all we ever wanted, / It was all we ever had.

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Lindiana (1984): Hold on Lindiana / Don't let go of your dream / With your head held high you would touch the sky / In your long forgotten scheme / Hold on Lindiana / Don't lose sight of your dream / It's important (to us) to us

.

However Absurd (1985): It's funny thing, half serious, / With our hands on our ears. / Living dreams with mouths ajar, / Wide awake, we go to sleep. / However absurd, however absurd / It may seem.

.

Don't Be Careless Love (1987): Shadows play and flicker on the bedroom wall / They turn into a bad dream overnight, / Something could be terribly wrong. / Don't be careless love (3x) | In my dream you're running nowhere / Every step you've taken turns to glue, / Walking down a spiral staircase / Failing through, failing through

.

The Lovers That Never Were (1987): For as long as the sun shines in somebody's eyes / I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies / For as long as the trees throw down blossoms and leaves / I know there will be a parade of unpainted dreams

.

Motor Of Love (1988): I can't get over your love / No matter how hard life seems, / There's a light in my dreams / Thanks to you

.

I’ll Always Be Here (1991): [MARY DEE (as ghost)] I'll always be here, / I'll never leave you, / I'll always be in your mind. / Dreams of the future, / Ghosts that the past left behind.  | [WOMEN'S CHORUS (ghosts)] You're sleeping amongst us. / We're in your dream. / Who are you? / Why call us? / What does this mean?  | [FULL CHORUS (ghosts)] Disturbing our slumber, / You move so fast.  | [SHANTY and MARY DEE (as ghost)] Ghosts of the past.

.

Ghosts Of The Past Left Behind (1991): [MEN'S Chorus (ghosts)] You're sleeping / Amongst us / We're in your dream | [NURSE] You're dreaming. Try to rest, my child

.

Peace In The Neighborhood (1991): I was there, I really was / At the center of a love vibration / People sharing with their friend / Helping each other out / Peace in the neighbourhood / Helping each other out | Then I woke up from my dream / To see things as they really are / People struggling to survive / How can peace hope to stay alive?

.

House Of Wax (2007): Lightning hits the house of wax / Poets spill out on the street / To set alight the incomplete / Remainders of the future | Hidden in the yard. Hidden in the yard | Thunder drowns the trumpets blast / Poets scatter through the night / But they can only dream of flight / Away from their confusion

.

Lovers In A Dream (2008): Lovers in a dream / Warmer than the Sun

.

Only Our Hearts (2012): But only our hearts will know / If we're gonna spend it together / Only gone to the dreams that we share / Only our hearts know how much love is there.

.

Demons Dance (2013): I can't wait much longer 'til you tell me baby / There's some chance we'll get together maybe / Sooner or later I'll be in with half a chance / I can't wait 'til I hear you tell me that you want me. / 'Til then my dreams are gonna haunt me / Got my demons doing such a happy dance

.

Back In Brazil (2017?): Back in Brazil / There lives a girl / Dreams of the future / And a far far better world | [...] Back in Brazil / She feels afraid / Hope starts to crumble / And her dreams begin to fade

.

Confidante (2018): In your reflected glory eye / Could dream of shining far off lands / Would serpents turn to bits of string / And play like kittens in my hand

.

Hand In Hand (2018): We can make this dream come true / Only if we want it to / We can make this dream come true / Only when we understand / Everything in life is planned / Can we make this dream come true

.

In A Hurry (2019): How could she leave? She's gotta stay / Somebody has to sit and wait / Deep in a dream, she hears a voice / "It's not too late to celebrate"

-

‘Now, Kitty, let’s consider who it was that dreamed it all. This is a serious question, my dear, and you should not go on licking your paw like that—as if Dinah hadn’t washed you this morning! You see, Kitty, it must have been either me or the Red King. He was part of my dream, of course—but then I was part of his dream, too! Was it the Red King, Kitty? You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know—Oh, Kitty, do help to settle it! I’m sure your paw can wait!’ But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn’t heard the question.

Which do you think it was?

             ——

        A boat beneath a sunny sky,

        Lingering onward dreamily

        In an evening of July—

        Children three that nestle near,

        Eager eye and willing ear,

        Pleased a simple tale to hear—

        Long has paled that sunny sky:

        Echoes fade and memories die.

        Autumn frosts have slain July.

        Still she haunts me, phantomwise,

        Alice moving under skies

        Never seen by waking eyes.

        Children yet, the tale to hear,

        Eager eye and willing ear,

        Lovingly shall nestle near.

        In a Wonderland they lie,

        Dreaming as the days go by,

        Dreaming as the summers die:

        Ever drifting down the stream—

        Lingering in the golden gleam—

        Life, what is it but a dream?

               THE END

— In Lewis Carroll’s Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There (1871).

-

[Disclaimer: This is an exploration of the theme of John and Paul as Dreamers, as it appears in their songs. I don’t intend to claim that all/any songs are specifically about the other. Suggestions for additions are welcomed. My gratitude goes to @vairemelde for already giving one.]

-

Also,

I Just Believe In Me | John’s Disillusionment

Insomnia | John and Paul’s Sleeping Schedule 

The Surrealist | Lennon-McCartney and Magritte

[femreader]

Not Millenium Falcon - 13th Doctor

Summary: Yaz x reader where Yaz introducees the reader to team TARDIS when they come back to Yorkshire and then the reader joins team TARDIS because she misses Yaz and has a bit of a crush on 13 and everyone likes her???

Pairing: Platonic!Yaz x Fem!reader

Warnings: None

A/N: also the new trailer ??!!! Eeeek This is so late sorry I’m now on a writing spree and try to empty out my drafts 😅

“Where are we going!?” Yasmin exclaimed as the Tardis twisted and grumbled underneath them. She, like everyone else, was barely standing, trying to grasp on anything to keep her upright. The Doctor who still had her very, very dirtied coat on and hair in a mess tried to balance the spaceship. Yasmin wondered if they all looked so crazy, probably. With a quick glance to Graham and Ryan, the police came to the conclusion that they all were like walking trash bags. 

“Uh, I’m not quite sure. Hold up!”

The Doctor pulled a lever and they seemed to crash through something. A shriek echoed from somewhere further away as the Tardis finally stopped and stood still. The lights flickered around them until complete darkness surrounded them. Everyone stood up carefully and The Doctor grabbed out her sonic screwdriver, just as the doors were slammed open and a gust of wind made the fam back away and outside of the spaceship. 

“Bloody hell, what’s up with that?”

“She’s fixing herself,” The Doctor mumbled and went to open the door, she rattled the handle multiple times before throwing her head back and exhaling loudly. “I swear I love you but sometime’s you just get on my nerves on the tiniest bit,” She pinched her thumb and index finger together, before turning to Yas, Graham, and Ryan. 

“Anyway, who’s up for some-”

“I’m sorry,” A voice spoke from the doorway. They all turned around and looked at the woman, who was holding a steaming cup in her hands. 

“But who are you and how did you exactly crash through my apartment ceiling?”

“Y/N?” Yasmin exhaled once she turned on the lights and her best friend’s face was revealed. Y/N’s eyes widened the same and she hastily set down her mug before embracing Yaz into a hug. Quickly her nose scrunched up and she pulled away from the hug. 

“Ugh, what is that smell?” 

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Yasmin mumbled, her cheeks flushing red. She glanced at her friends, who were still peeping out of the Tardis. 

“It’s a long story.” 

Y/N nodded, a tight smile on her face. She looked at the strangers behind her best friend and scanned their appearances. All of their faces were splashed with... soot? Their clothes were tattered and full of different colored stains, Y/N wondered if they just walked out of a wasteland. 

“This is Ryan, Graham and the Doctor,” Yazmin suddenly realized and introduced them hastily. “Guys, this is Y/N.” 

They exchanged small and awkward waves and smiles. Y/N felt her cheeks tint a little redder when the Doctor smiled brightly to her. 

“Do you guys need a shower,” The woman suggested, still slightly bemused and taken aback by the situation. She looked at Yasmin, playfully making a disgusted face again as she looked at her best friend up and down. 

“No offense but you guys kinda look like you bathed in trash or something,” Y/N ended with a chuckle. Yazmin looked at her friends with raised eyebrows, while sipping Y/N’s beverage from her cup. 

---

“Okay,” Y/N ate the last of her sandwich and leaned back in her spot on the couch. The tray which used to be full of small sandwiches was now laying on the kitchen counter with just a couple of crumbs on it. Y/N wiped the corner of her mouth with the side of her hand. 

“You met them when the electricity ball phenomenon was going on on the train?” She pointed to Yaz and then turned to The Doctor. “And you have a space ship? Like in Star Wars?” 

The blonde made a slight face and pondered it in her spot. “It’s a bit more multipurpose than that. A library, a swimming pool, a restaurant,” She raised her eyebrows. The devil herself, the blue police box which was still parked to the hallway of Y/N’s apartment made a slight whooshing sound like it was a laugh or a scoff. Y/N noticed the blonde squinting her eyes at the box, in a slightly warning way. 

“Alright,” Y/N trailed off and pursed her lips. Ryan came out of the shower, now also wearing clean clothes they had gotten from the Tardis. ‘

“Thanks for the shower again,” He said as Y/N gave him a sandwich which she had to take out of the tray while it was full. Ryan thanked her and sat down on the edge of an armchair. 

“It’s alright,” Y/N smiled and took the empty tray from the coffee table to take it into the kitchen. The stereo of hers was playing Elton John in the background. Y/N silently sang the chorus of the Rocketman under her breath as she put all the cups and plates into the washing machine. 

From the counter she glanced at the unusual bunch in her living room, noticing the blonde had also changed her clothes from the funny long coat and suspenders. Now she was sporting a button-up and another pair of dark blue trousers. Y/N felt the heat sneak up in the back of her neck, she placed her chill hand there and shook her head with a slight smile. 

“Alright, Y/N,” The blondie stood up suddenly from her spot and Y/N’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“Would you like to see our spaceship?” The box made another sound from the hallway and Y/N opened and closed her mouth like a fish. She wiped her hands into the towel hanging by the counter and she looked all of them with slight disbelief look. 

“Y-you know... I was kinda joking-” She was already pulled by Yaz towards the public call box. Y/N almost stumbled on her feet when she was rather roughly pulled into the box. 

Jaw gaping and eyes wide she made a full 360 in her spot. The Doctor and the crew followed her reaction, the former waiting for the punchline of her own inside joke. 

Y/N looked at the panel, which had multiple pedals, buttons, control sticks and levers blinking, almost asking her to touch them. There were crystal-like pillars leaning over the middle like a roof. The Tardis made a sound that sounded much like a gleeful laugh. 

“It’s... I mean it’s...” She began, looking at the panel closely but not touching anything.

“Yeah?” The Doctor jumped in, pressing some of the buttons and switching the gears. A slight smug smile was on her face as she waited for the familiar words.

“It’s nothing like The Millenium Falcon,” Y/N stated. Yasmin cracked up and laughed while walking in with Ryan and Graham. The blondie made a face while pulling the lever. 

“Also it’s much bigger on the inside,” She continued and the Doctor nodded, pursing her lips. 

“Close enough,” the Timelord mumbled to herself. “Alright then! Where to?” 

Y/N’s eyes were glistening as she looked around and she leaned over the panel to look at the blonde on the other side. 

“Anywhere?” She asked, almost jumping out of her trousers. 

“Anywhere,” The timelord confirmed and a huge smile spread on Y/N’s face. 

“Live-aid, 1985,” She challenged and the Doctor nodded, rolling the ball on the panel to set the right time and place. 

“Hold on.” 

Tag list: @morbid-gaymer​ @g00dl13​ @spidey-charles @svmwinvhester​ @aspiring-bookcollector​ @originofthedragonjim @charlotte-writes-blog​ @rosawright​ @pharaoh-of-time-and-space @wolfie-doggo​ @willow-days02​ @fightuntilyoucan​ @probablypirates @thegayspunk​ @habitualworrierwarrior​ @the13teens-wife @gayforjodiewhittaker​

[blurry-fics]

Chapter Twenty Two

Realize That It’s Gone | Series Masterlist

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 1985

Author’s Note: Ok, so I have a lot to cover in this author’s note. First of all, yes, this the last chapter of this book. Second, this chapter takes place around seven months after the last one (big jump, I know). Third, I’ve been hard at work on the final book of this series, but I’ll talk about that a little bit more tomorrow. Fourth, since this series is ending, there won’t be a post this Sunday (although Tear In My Heart will still be up on Megan’s account). And finally, I hope you enjoy this chapter :) (picture credit)

“When do you leave again?” Y/N asked. She was currently sitting on my bed, helping fold the last load of laundry that I had finished that morning.

“Tomorrow morning, way earlier than I care to wake up,” I laughed.

“You have a full tour bus now, though, so napping won’t even be a big deal.”

“Yeah, I guess you do have a point.”

After seven months of album finalizations and tour preparations, Josh and I were finally leaving on another tour. It was a bigger tour this time, with more destinations and more countries than the last one we had been on. The last week had been a mixture of nerves and excitement as we got ready to leave.

“Is this your last bag of stuff?”

“Yeah. I’ll have to throw all my toiletries in tomorrow morning, but other than that everything is packed.”

“It doesn’t even look like that much stuff.”

“That’s because it’s only my stuff. When you add it with Josh’s and all the other crew members’, it starts to look like a lot more.”

“Yeah, I suppose that does make a difference.”

Y/N folded up the last shirt from the pile that she had offered to help with and put it into the bag. I grabbed my last few jackets from the closet and tossed them onto the bed to be folded later. Right now, I was double checking all of my drawers to make sure I had remembered absolutely everything I needed.

“Hey, is my ski mask in there?”

“It sounds like you’re packing for a bank heist,” she laughed.

“We’d probably make more money from a bank heist.”

“Hey! You guys are starting to get pretty popular.”

“Just because we’re popular doesn’t mean people are going to show up,” I said, shooting her a look.

“People are going to show up, Ty. They wouldn’t be booking you shows in other countries if people didn’t want to see you.”

“Yeah, I guess. Can you check for the ski mask now?”

“Right, sorry.”

There was some rustling as Y/N looked through my bag for the ski mask. I continued to check drawers and under the bed for somewhere I might have stuck it without thinking.

“Found it!” she said triumphantly.

“White or black?”

“Um, looks like both.”

“Ok, perfect. You can put them back in there, I’m just worried about finding replacements if I forget them.”

“Yeah, that would be difficult. How much more do you need to pack?”

“Just those jackets right next to you and I’m sure there’s something I’m forgetting.”

“I doubt you’re forgetting anything, Ty. You’re just stressed and thinking you’re forgetting something.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I said, taking a moment to actually stand still rather than pacing the room. I looked over to Y/N, only to realize she was folding up my jackets. “Hey, you don’t have to do that. You’ve helped me enough already.”

“I don’t mind,” she said, pausing her folding for a moment to look at me. “You’re stressed and this is an easy way for me to help.”

“I know. I just feel bad that we’re supposed to be spending time together and all you’re doing is folding clothes.”

“Tyler, come here,” she said, holding an arm out for me. I walked over and sat down, allowing myself to be pulled into her side. “I would rather come over here and fold your clothes than sit at home alone and wish I was spending time with you. Don’t worry about me, ok?”

“Ok,” I said, forcing a smile. “Thank you, love. It means a lot that you’re helping.”

“Of course. Now why don’t you sit here for a moment and take a breather while I finish folding these jackets? That might remind you of what you’re forgetting.”

“Ok.”

I sat and watched Y/N carefully fold my jackets while I mentally ran over my packing checklist. Y/N and I had already triple checked the list she helped me make, but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing.

“Wait! I think I’ve got it,” I smiled.

I got off the bed and bent down so that I was eye-level with my mattress. Y/N gave me a funny look as I flipped up the comforter and stuck an arm under the mattress, feeling around until my fingers met the smooth surface of my notebook.

“My notebook,” I said, holding it up for emphasis.

“No wonder you almost forgot it, it’s buried under your bed,” she laughed.

“I like to keep it hidden! I don’t want anybody reading it.”

“But now I know where you keep it hidden.”

“Yeah, but I trust you.”

I pressed a kiss to Y/N’s head as I grabbed the jackets from her arms and put them into my bag, burying the notebook in between a couple of them where it was less likely to be spotted.

“Is that everything?” she asked.

“I think so,” I said, rifling through the bag real quick just to double check. “Now we get to relax.”

I grabbed the bag of stuff from the bed and tossed it down onto the floor where I wouldn’t be able to miss it in the morning. Y/N immediately took advantage of all the space on my bed and stretched out. She squealed as I collapsed down next to her, making the bed bounce a little beneath us.

“I’m exhausted,” I sighed.

“Me too, and I only had to fold some shirts,” she giggled.

I scooted closer to Y/N and wrapped my arms around her, holding her as close to me as I possibly could. As much as I didn’t want to think about it, deep down I knew this would be my last chance to be this close to her for the next few months so I intended to take full advantage of it.

“You know something, Ty?”

“Hmm?”

“Shortly after we started dating, you told me that you weren’t going to be clingy forever because at the beginning you were just making up for lost time, but I’m starting to think that might not be the case,” she laughed.

“Who says I’m not still making up for lost time? We’ve only been together for seven months, but I liked you for like three years.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with it. I just thought it was funny.”

“Good, because I’m not getting any less clingy.” I leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek.

“I wish I could come with you on tour. I could be your photographer or something.”

“I wish you could too. But you have school to focus on.”

“No, I know. I’m just going to miss you so much. It’s hard being away from you.”

Y/N sniffled right as I was about to say something else. I was sitting upright in an instant, holding one of my hands on her arm and using the other to wipe away a tear that had slipped down her cheek.

“I’m sorry. I really didn’t want to get all emotional before you left. I don’t want that to be our last memory before you leave.”

“Hey, don’t apologize for crying. It’s ok to be upset that I’m leaving, it’s hard for me to be away from you too.”

I pulled Y/N closer so that she was sitting between my legs. She immediately leaned into me and wrapped her arms around my torso. My hands traced idle patterns onto her arms in an attempt to soothe her.

“It’s just that… I was so worried the last time that you left, you know? I had no idea where we stood with one another and you being gone was this big, scary, unknown thing that I didn’t quite know how to handle. And I know things are different now, obviously, but that uncertainty keeps popping up.”

I was frustrated with myself for ever letting Y/N feel that way, but I knew now wasn’t the time to worry about the past. We had our whole future in front of us.

“But we made it work, right? Even though it was a big, scary thing, I never gave up on you.”

“You didn’t.”

“And I promise you that I’m not going to give up this time, either. I love you, Y/N. I loved you then and I love you now and I’m not going to let anything come in between us.”

“I’m just so scared of losing you.”

“You’re not going to lose me.”

She turned so that she could look at me. “Promise?”

I brought my right hand in between us and extended my pinky. “Promise.”

She smiled and locked her pinky with mine, holding on to it tightly. With pinkies still interlocked, I leaned forward and kissed her gently.

“There, now it’s like a double promise.”

“I don’t think that’s a thing, Ty,” she giggled.

“I just made it a thing.”

“I’m sorry I ruined our last day by crying.”

I let go of her pinky and fully wrapped my arms around her again. “You didn’t ruin anything.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. All that matters to me is that I get to spend my last full day in Columbus with you.”

“Thanks, Ty.”

“Hey, I think I have an idea to cheer you up.”

I got up and grabbed my ukulele from the other side of the room. Y/N sat quietly and watched as I tuned it, bouncing between singing notes to myself and messing with the ukulele.

“Oh no,” Y/N muttered as I turned to her. There was already the slightest hint of a smile on her lips.

“Oh yes,” I grinned.

“Ty, I might start crying again.”

“That’s ok,” I said as I begin to play the opening chords of Can’t Help Falling In Love. I had learned it shortly after we started dating and it had quickly become one of our many songs.

Y/N was hastily wiping away tears with the back of her hand by the time I finished the song and set my ukulele down. As soon as my instrument was out of the way, she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me, giving me a quick kiss before hugging me tightly.

“They’re happy tears, I promise,” she mumbled into my shoulder.

“I’m glad that my ukulele playing wasn’t so bad that it made you cry,” I laughed.

She sat back on the bed again, tucking her legs up underneath her. I reached out and grabbed her hands, lacing my fingers between hers.

“How is that for a last memory?”

“I think it was perfect.”

“I’m going to be back before you know it, Y/N. And I’m still going to be just as in love with you as I am now, if not more so.”

“I love you so much, Tyler.”

“I love you too. Now what do you say we make some dinner, watch some TV, and enjoy what time we have left before you have to get home?”

“I say that sounds like a great plan.”

I gave her another kiss before standing up and helping her off the bed. She leaned into my side as we walked into the kitchen, already discussing what we wanted to make with what little food Josh and I had left in the kitchen. It wasn’t long before we were coming up with the wildest answers we could think of in an attempt to make the other person laugh.

I loved Y/N more than words could explain and there was no doubt in my mind about the life that I wanted to share with her. No matter how far I traveled or how many shows I played or how many people I met, she would always be the one I wanted to come home to.

END OF BOOK TWO.

*     *     *     *     *

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[madamsixx]

Beyond The Leather: Chapter 13: Introducing Guns N Roses

December 22, 1985, LA

I was allowed by my mom to come to LA for 3 days to see Slash and his band play at the clubs. But my mom gave Tamara strict orders to not allow me to go any where else. And I had to lie to her again and tell her that they were playing at a hall. I felt bad for doing it, but it was the only way I could come. I called Lisa up and asked her if she wanted to come with me to Whisky a Go Go she was down for it. I also called Slash and told him I would be coming to watch them play and hang out after. I put on a long black bodysuit with boot heels and a leather jacket. I walked out to the living where Tamara was sitting drinking coffee and watching TV.

"So does your mom know that Slash is now a rocker?" She said putting her coffee down.

"No I didn't tell her. She still remembers him as that little boy who rode his bike all over the place." I said sitting on the couch. "But even so, he's Ola's son so I don't think she would cut him out of my life. He's the only rocker she will put up with." I giggle.

We were interrupted when the phone rang. Tamara answered it.

"Its Lisa she's downstairs waiting for you." I got up and hugged Tamara. "Remember there and back no where else young lady. Your mom will call at 12. Make sure you are here." She warned.

"Yes, thanks!" I yelled as I ran out the door.

We arrived at the Whisky a Go Go. We got out and headed towards the line. I grabbed Lisa's hand and pulled her to the front of the line. The bouncer saw me and allowed us to go in.

"So this band is called what again!?" Lisa shouted over the loud noises.

"There called Guns N Roses. My friend is in it his name is Slash!" I shouted back.

The show started and I saw all five guys come out. There was the lead singer who was a red head, there was a guy with short black hair, and another really tall guy with blonde hair who was very attractive. I also saw Slash and Steven they were the only ones I knew. There music was really good. They kind of reminded me of Motley Crue but they had there own swag. After the show we headed to the bar, I ordered a cranberry juice while Lisa ordered vodka.

"Emem so how the fuck were we?" I turned around to see black fluffy hair and a big smile with white teeth.

"Slash!" I jumped up and hugged him. Yuk he was sweaty.

"You guys were amazing. I really enjoyed the show." I said moving away from him. "Oh this is Lisa she's my good single friend." I smiled pointing at Lisa.

"Hey there doll nice to meet you." Slash looked her up and down and shook her hand. I thought I should say that, it was time for Lisa to forget about Vince she needed someone else.

Slash told us to come back stage and meet the rest of the band. We walked through the side of the stage and headed to the back. It was the usual scene girls, booze, and drugs. But it was a bit calmer.

"Hey boys I want you to meet my friend well she's more like my little sis." Slash said. "This is Iman Darlington and her friend Lisa." Slash pointed at us. Me and Lisa waved our hands at them. They all just stared at us with there mouths open. They were drooling, if you were to put a bucket underneath there mouths it would be full of water.

"Nice to meet you sweetheart I'm Axl lead singer." He walked up and gave each of us a hand shake and a wink.

"Hey I'm Izzy." He waved.

"Hey I'm Duff." He walked up and took my hand in his and gave it a kiss. Then walked to Lisa and did the same.

"Hey Mani what's up!" Steven shouted and picked me up for a big hug.

"Oh my God Steven long time no see." I squealed.

"Hey nice to meet you I'm Steven." He turned and shook Lisa's hand.

"Hey nice to meet you." She smiled.

Every one talked and got along well. Every time I looked up Axl would be staring at Lisa. I could tell he really liked her. So I nudged Lisa and made her look up.

"What's up?" She asked.

"Axl keeps looking at you." I whispered to her.

She looked up and saw Axl stare at her then look away. "Let's go to the washroom." She smiled and grabbed my hand and we headed to the washroom.

"Why are we in here?" I asked

"Do you think I should make a move on Axl or just forget it?" She asked.

I thought about how she gave her self up to Vince so quick and he forgot about her already. I didn't want that for her if she was going to talk to one of these guys.

"Play hard to get. I think you should talk to him but don't do anything with him."

"I think so too."

"What time is it I gotta get back by 11 or I'm done for." I looked in the mirror trying to fix my face.

"Its 10:20 we should probably start heading back." She said opening the door.

We walked out and headed back to the room where the boys were in. When we entered the room we wished that we hadn't. Slash, Steven, Duff, and Nikki were sitting on the couch with each of them having a girl in there laps sucking them all off.

"Oh shit Iman close the fucking door!" Slash yelled.

Nikki looked up, he looked shocked to see me standing there. Well I felt the same way, what was he doing here? Lisa slammed the door shut and we walked into another room. Since that day at my house I haven't seen or talked to Nikki. And to be honest I didn't want to. I wouldn't know what to say to him. It would be awkward between us. The door opened and in walked an embarrassed Slash.

"Hey there... uh sorry for you girls seeing that. We uh.. we got carried away." He giggled as he walked into the room.

Me and Lisa looked at each other. And just laughed. "Um it's alright but were going to get going." I said standing up.

"Aw what no Iman come on the party is just beginning. Plus you haven't even met Sixx. He's from Motley Crue he came to watch us play."

"I've met enough rock stars tonight Slash I'm ready to leave." I walked passed him and headed to the door. Slash grabbed my hand and pulled me in the direction of the room.

"Slash no please no I can't!" I yelled. Lisa came out of the room following from behind.

He pushed the door open and pulled me in. "Hey Sixx come meet someone this is Iman!" He yelled at Nikki.

Nikki walks over fixing up his pants with a smirk on his face. I looked down and moved my hair a little in front of my face then looked back up at him. He looked and smelt like shit. Excuse my language but there were no other words to describe what I was looking at.

"So your a groupie is that it Mani?" Nikki smirked at me.

"I'm not a groupie Nikki. You know that." I stated.

"You two know each other?" Slash asked.

"Yes but I wish we didnt." I was annoyed with him now for even calling me a groupie.

"Iman did you guys fuck?" Slash asked.

"Saul seriously!" I shouted slapping him.

"Pfft if we fucked you wouldn't be walking groupie." He pushed passed me grabbed a silver tray with coke on it and snorted it all up.

Slash turned to me and smiled. "Wipe that smile off your face before I slap it off. He's a pig." I looked back at him.

"You going to tell me the story or what?" He asked.

"Another time Slash for now I just want to leave ok."

"No your not leaving were going to talk about shit now let's go." He put his arm around my neck and led me to a couch to sit on. Nikki came strutting after us holding a bottle of whiskey and sat across from us. Lisa sat beside Nikki and grabbed his whiskey bottle from him and drank some of it.

"So start talking girl." Slash took a cigarette from behind his ear he lit it then blew smoke out at me.

"God your gross. And what do you want me to talk about?" I asked waving the smoke out of my face.

"We can talk about you being a groupie and your friend here being a fucking leech!" Nikki raised his voice and grabbed the bottle back from Lisa's grasps.

"Or we can talk about the fact that your to pussy to tell a certain girl that you like her." Lisa smirked at Nikki and Nikki glared at her.

"Can you two shut up please. Me and Iman are trying to catch up on our gossip." Slash stated.

Nikki motioned for Slash to give him a cigarette. Slash leaned forward letting Nikki take one then offering one to Lisa. He lit it up for both of them then leaned back to offer me one.

"No I don't smoke Slash, you know that." I put my hand up.

"Still, wow mamas got you on a tight leash girl." Slash giggled.

"I can help you loosen it." Nikki's voice deepened as he glared at me blowing smoke out of his mouth.

I ignored his comments and changed the subject. "So your band is really good can't wait till you guys take off." I squealed.

"Yeah same here I'm excited. We've been playing at several clubs since June. Hopefully we can get big like the Crue."

"Bigger." Lisa blew smoke in Nikki's face. Nikki glared at her flipping her off. She sat back and giggled. I always loved Lisa she was fearless and fun. But could sometimes drink to the point were she was collapsing on the ground and it wasn't good.

"Hey Sixx you want to go for round two?" A busty blonde came out of no where kneeling in front of Nikki and dragging her nails across his leather pants. I clenched my jaw and decided it was time to leave.

"Slash im going." I stood up fixing my jacket.

"Now, ok I guess we can hang another time." I gave him a hug and motioned for Lisa so we could go.

Nikki pushed the girl off his lap and stood up and walked towards me. I turned on my heel and picked up my pace to get away from him as fast as possible. We headed out the door and walked over to her car. I heard footsteps behind us. I turn around and see Nikki following us I don't know what this guy wants with me. And I was tired of bumping into him where ever I went.

"Do not come near us ok. She doesn't want to talk to you and I certainly don't want you any where near my car." Lisa said turning around and pointing her finger at Nikki.

"I'm not coming to cause trouble." Nikki lifted his hands up in defense. "I just want to talk Mani."

I rolled my eyes and opened the car door.

"Wait doll." He ran to my side and stopped me from getting in the car "look I'm so-"

"Dont even say it Nikki just don't." I said pushing him. "Your sorrys mean nothing to me because you don't mean them. I don't want you around me, I don't want to be your friend, and I would never want to associate my self with somone like you. You came over to my house in October and completely embarrassed your self in front of my family, I don't even know how you found out where I lived. Tommy had to pick you up and drag your drunk reckless self into the car. And then today instead of saying hello and really apologizing for what you did. You called me a groupie. Yet you were getting your dick sucked off by some groupie." I pointed at him.

"It was a fucking joke doll you know I don't think of you as that. And as for coming over." He looked at Lisa then back at me. "Well...I wanted to see you but I had a bit too much to drink." He looked down at his shoes.

"You asked me to give you a chance and I have, several times Nikki. Now just leave me alone please."

"Mani I'm sorry, I do mean it."

I got into the car and tried to close the door but he blocked the door from closing.

"Mani please!"

"I don't want you Nikki!" I shouted at him then closed the door. He backed away from the door and put his hands in his pockets.

"Instead of telling her your sorry why don't you show her your sorry." Lisa got into the car and drove off.

Nikki's POV

I walked back inside the club I was agitated and needed my fix. I walked into the washroom and pulled my needle and drugs from my boot. I craved a shot just to forget about her. My fingers were shaking with anticipation as I was getting ready for a hit. I took off my belt tightening it around my arm and stuck it into my arm. I leaned back on the wall as I went into pure bliss. _________

December 23 1985

I woke up hearing Tamara squealing at the top of her lungs. It was so loud that I needed to put the pillow over my head. Lisa slept over so she too was covering her head with the pillow. Tamara then barged into the room screaming.

"Iman your never going to beleive what I booked for you!" She jumped on my bed.

"What did you book?" I asked groaning.

"So your going to be walking London fashion week, Milan fashion week, and Paris fashion week girl! Your also going to be on the cover of several magazines to come! And your movie premier will be August 8th! People will remember the Iman!" She shouted.

The pillow was off of my head at this point and I was ecstatic. I can't beleive I would be doing all these things.

"Oh my God girl your face is going to be everywhere. My manager can't even get me the fashion week. I'm so jealous but so happy for you." Lisa hugged me.

"Wow I need to tell my mom all of this. But it's going to be hard cause that means I'll have to keep coming back and forth from Canada to LA." I sighed.

"No you won't I'll make arrangements with your mom so that you can stay with me just for two years. Of course you'll go back home on breaks but you will have to stay here." Tamara said walking out the door.

Two years doesn't she mean one. After all it's only next year that I would be doing all this fashion stuff.

"Um Tami?" I followed her out the door. "Don't you mean one year?"

"No darling I mean two. Listen 86 and 87 are going to be big for us. So I need you close by living with me. Of course other than when I have-" she all of a sudden stopped talking. Like she was going to spill something out that she didn't want me to know. "Never mind."

"Ok well we need to call my mom to let her know the news." I shrugged.

This was the best news I could have ever gotten. But I was a bit sad because that meant I would be living in LA for two years. But also the thought of living with Tamara for two years was going to be hell. She kept me on a very tight leash. And it was hard to go any where or do anything.

"Well while im talking to your mom you two should go out and do something." She shooed me.

"Why can't I be here when your talking to my mom?" I asked confused.

"Wow your slow, girl that stands for I'm going to have company. So shower, brush your teeth, and get out you smell bad." She laughed.

Me and Lisa decided that we would go shopping. But just before we left Slash had called and asked if we wanted to hang out with him, Steven, and Duff. Lisa only wanted to because she wanted to ask about Axl. But I wanted to see Slash and have some fun. We went shopping first before meeting up with the boys. We met them at a diner and sat in a booth so we could have some privacy.

"So uh miss model I hope your paying?" Slash asked scratching his crotch. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure Slash."

The waitress took our orders and we sat there waiting for our food to come. "So miss Darlington you have any one special knocking on your door?" Duff asked.

"No one worth opening my door too." I giggled.

"Not even Sixx?" He raised a brow. Why does everyone keep linking me to Nikki ugh.

"No me and that dog called Nikki Sixx are nothing." I frowned.

"You sure about that?" Lisa nudged me.

"Yeah cause it didn't seem that way yesterday night when he had his eyes on you at whisky." Steven joined in.

"Look there's nothing going on between me and Nikki. He's not my type of guy, and he never will be. I don't like him. He came to my house in October and made a fool of himself in front of my family!" I started raising my voice. The boys started laughing and looking at each other.

"So why'd you invite him over?" Duff asked.

"I didnt... I don't know how he knew where I lived. He just showed up, and Tommy had to drag him back in the car. My mom nearly called the cops on them."

"Look Mani all I'm saying is that the dude was staring you down like a hawk. Like you belong to him or something. So people automatically assume that there's something going on between you guys."

The waitress brought our food back and placed it on the table. She then leaned over towards Steven so that her boobs were close his face. She looked at him and smiled a bit.

"So doll what time do you get off at?" Steven smiled at her.

"My shift finishes at seven." She smiled.

"So your saying I have to wait to pick you up that late?" He crossed his arms.

"Well if you follow me to the back now you won't have to." She grazed his arms and walked shaking her hips slowly looking back at him.

"God you guys are dogs." I stated.

"Dam right we are." Steven got up and followed her to the back.

"So is aAxl available or is he taken?" Lisa piped up biting her burger.

The boys looked at each other than started laughing.

"What's funny?" I asked furrowing my brows.

"Well Axl hasn't shut up about Lisa since he first saw her." Duff said.

"Wow well that's great!" I stated

"And you haven't shut up about Iman since you first saw her." Slash laughed.

Duff spit out his beer and started coughing. He then turned and hit Slash on the head. He started blushing.

I smiled to my self looking at Duff, he was really cute. And what made him even more cute was the fact that he was sweet. But once again he was a rocker and if I were to date anyone he couldn't look like Duff or Nikki.

"So hook a girl up guys. Axl is my type of man." She giggled.

"Sure I can, don't think it will be a problem you definitely have the looks." Slash smirked looking at Lisa's boobs.

"Slash eyes up, those are not for you." I laughed.

I started telling the boys about my bookings for fashion week. They promised they would watch me walk the runway on TV and to call to say good luck. Steven came back all flustered and smiling like a little kid who just got candy. I payed for the food and we said our goodbyes and everyone went home.

When I got back to the condo Tamara had a guy over, I could hear her giggling and laughing in kitchen. I could smell food being cooked. I didn't want to interrupt them so I just sat down and turned on the TV. I was flipping through channels when I saw Nikki and Tommy on MTV doing an interview. I went back and put it on to listen to the interview.

Interviewer- So what's a typical day on the road for you guys?

Tommy- Well we sleep a lot haha.

Nikki- Yeah were definitely night people. Haha vampires of the night. Were up pretty late so we sleep through the day. But an average day would be we get up at 2 do some interviews then we go to the hall do sound check to make sure it's right. Then we have our act that's opening for us go on. By then it's time for us to drink and then prepare for the shows. It takes like a hour to get ready so more time to drink haha.

Interviewer- Well it looks like we caught you at a good time of the day. I'm seeing clear eyes no slurring and a reasonably lucid performance haha.

Nikki- Yeah Haha.

Interviewer- So does motley Crue fall into a classification of heavy metal. I know there are different kinds?

Tommy- Well for one we don't look like all the other metal bands out there.

Nikki- Yeah and our sound is different too. Our sound is very root oriented. It's very much from were we come from. I just don't hear any other band that's out there sound like us.

Interviewer- That's true guys you don't. So I have some fan questions that people want to know. Is Mick Mars related to Ronnie James Dio?

Nikki and Tommy- Hahaha.

Nikki- Not that I know of.

Tommy- No haha.

Interviewer- What do you think of David Lee Roth?

Nikki- He's a cool guy haha.

Interviewer- Tommy are you going out with actress Heather Locklear?

Tommy- Yes!

Interviewer- Nikki are you and Iman Darlingron a couple?

My eyes went wide and I froze when the interviewer asked him that question.

Nikki- Were not right now, we are good friends. But you never know what the future holds.

Interviwer- I read somewhere in a magazine that people were saying they hope she doesn't date a guy like you. The say that she is a good girl and if she gets involved with you... well you could possibly ruin her image. What do you have to say about that?

Nikki- People say that because all they see is a rock star wearing chains, leather, big hair, and spikes. They don't see the man behind all of this. I'm a good guy that could make Iman happy if given the chance. But to be honest I don't really give a s**t what people have to say about me.

Interviewer- Well boys that's all for today. Thank you for talking to me. This is Dillion Walker from MTV with Motley Crues Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee.

The TV then turned off and I looked up and saw Tamara staring intently at it holding the remote. She then looked at me and crossed her arms. "You will never date that Nikki Sixx. He's nothing but chains, leather, and drugs. Trust me hun all his babble about looking beyond his leather is garbage. Ugh complete trash. I'll make it my mission if it's the last thing I do to keep you away from him." She started walking towards the kitchen then stopped and turned back."Oh by the way I have male company so if you don't want to hear anything you should go to the room." She laughed. She walked into the kitchen giggling again with whomever she was with.

I got up and walked to the room and sat on the bed. So many thoughts are just running through my head. I have my family, Tamara, and friends saying not to talk to Nikki and then I have Nikki wanting something between us. I can't defy my mom and Tamara thats for sure. And Nikki has just been having these weird mood swings, one minute he would tell me to f off then next say he's sorry but do it again. I looked over at the night stand and saw a schedule. I picked it up, it was a schedule showing my magazine shoots and the days I would be travelling. I started reading the first stop February 14-18 London Fashion Week. This was going to be exciting. At least I would get away from all the hustle bustle of things here between me and Nikki.

[karazor--el]

‘The Flash’ Showrunner on Season 6, How New Villain Bloodwork Leads to “Crisis”, and More

*Be aware that SPOILERS are discussed*

The CW series The Flash, now in its sixth season, not only has a new showrunner in executive producer/writer Eric Wallace, but it also has a new feel, with new storytelling devices and a new villain with interesting parallels to the show’s titular hero, and it’s all leading to the big “Crisis on Infinite Earths” crossover. In the season opener, called “Into the Void,” Barry (Grant Gustin) and Iris (Candice Patton) are dealing with the heartbreaking loss of their daughter Nora, and Team Flash must, yet again, save Central City from their greatest threat yet.

After a recent screening of the Season 6 premiere, held at the offices of The CW, showrunner Eric Wallace answered questions about the episode, what’s to come, how it all leads to the “Crisis on Infinite Earth” crossover, and where they go from there. During the chat, he talked about how Barry and Iris will be dealing with the knowledge that Barry will die and how that will differ from when Iris’ life was at stake, the parallel in storylines between Barry and Bloodwork (Sendhil Ramamurthy), the first villain of Season 6, getting to see much more of Iris’ work as a journalist, Cisco’s (Carlos Valdes) love life, Caitlin (Danielle Panabaker) and Killer Frost’s agreement, expanding the meta storytelling, the latest Wells (Tom Cavanagh), the return of John Wesley Shipp and Keiynan Lonsdale, and the science of it all.

Question: With The Monitor telling Barry and Iris that The Flash must die, how will they grapple with that, this season?

ERIC WALLACE: That would be the plot of Episode 602. “Crisis” turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to The Flash because it created an immediacy to things. We know that, on December 10, 2019, The Flash will die. He said it. We’re not messing around. So, as a married couple, they can count the number of days and weeks. The countdown begins next week. What kind of urgency does that give them? An extreme one. It turns the dial up to 10, and it makes them think, is every moment together our last? What can we do? Should we find this? Is it inevitable? Those are all of the things that they’re grappling with, for these next seven episodes. Episode 608 ends and it’s “Crisis” time. It’s time to go off to, literally, cosmic war. So, their relationship is strained, but it’s also going to bring them closer together than ever before because that’s what tragedy does.

In Season 3, Barry and Iris had a similar situation when they learned that Iris was going to die in the future. What did that experience teach them, that could help them now?

WALLACE: You should watch [Episode 602], when that exact question is asked and answered. That is literally the plot. What this story has enabled us to do is to look back at any other time, when somebody was facing life and death, and see how they reacted then. So, in the writers’ room, we had a lengthy discussion about it being the other side of the coin. We know how they reacted with Iris, but how will they react, in Episode 602? I will tell you that, it’s different. It’s not the same because of what they learn next week. That’s the great part of this story. The Monitor showing up and making a cosmic pronouncement drives them to extremes, in order to fight against or except the coming crisis. Episodes 602, 603, 604, 605 and 606, especially, are all about, do I accept death, or do I fight it?

This show seems to sort be setting up “Crisis”, in its own way. How did you balance telling the story of Bloodwork, while also setting up this massive crossover?

WALLACE: Fortunately, it worked out really great because “Crisis” is about grief, and about death, and about the end of all worlds. You have the Bloodwork villain, who is facing the end of his own world. So, from his point of view, who cares about “Crisis” because he’s more concerned about the immediacy of his own life. Now, does that mean he could perhaps live past “Crisis”? That’s the real question that he has to grapple with, and I won’t give you the answer. So, it turned out to be the most fortuitous set of story events possible, dealing with life and death, dealing with his death as a villain, and dealing with the death of all worlds. When all of the showrunners got together to talk about “Crisis”, I pitched them what Bloodwork does, and they were like, “Oh, that’s great!” And then, all of this synergy started to happen. The Arrow folks said, “Hey, we’re gonna do something crazy in Episode 801.” And I went, “Oh, that’s perfect!” It was this dominoes situation that fell. There’s a lot of cross collaboration. It might not seem like it, at first, but it all comes together very nicely in “Crisis”, our crossover event. It all feeds into itself.

How aware is the rest of the team about what’s going on with what The Monitor said?

WALLACE: You’ll have to watch Episode 603. You’re right on the money. We asked that same question in the writers’ room, so we made it an episode. You’ll get your answer in Episode 603.

Is Barry aware that Oliver Queen is also working for The Monitor right now?

WALLACE: No, and when they both find out, it’s good stuff. It’s so great. I can’t tell you when it happens, but I will tell you that is a scene that happened. It is a moment, and it is coming. Let’s just say that people might get pissed off, a little bit.

In the “Crisis” comic book story, both The Flash and Supergirl died, and there were variations of them later. What were your thoughts about that, when it was done?

WALLACE: I was the perfect age for “Crisis”, when it first came out, and it blew my mind that so many characters that were beloved died, and then they were re-booted. So, when we were approaching the writing of “Crisis”, obviously, we can’t just kill all of our number ones on our shows. That’s insane. You can kill a couple of them, and we do, but you have to find the balance. What it meant to me was that we should tap into that feeling that the readers in 1985 would have had, when reading that story, with the tectonic shifts in the comic world, underneath. When you watch the crossover, you’re going to feel those tectonic shifts, especially at the end. It’s not small. It’s game-changer, in the same way that the ending of “Crisis”, the comic book, was a game changer, and it opens up to a whole new world.

How much more of Iris, as a journalist, will we see, over the course of this season?

WALLACE: You’ll be ridiculously happy, this year. Before I even got here, as a fan, I kept asking myself, “Why isn’t this woman a journalist? I don’t understand. She doesn’t have a staff. She has no office. That’s a pretty crappy journalist. Does she work out of her house?” If we know, from Episode 518, that she becomes a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and that she has an empire, we need to start building those seeds, and we need to do it now. So, we have very urgently done that, this season. You will meet her new staff member very soon. The new staff starts in Episode 602. Why waste time? We just get to it. Depending on how the back season goes, because we have a budget, it might be a small staff at first, but it’s very much about seeing her take charge of what we refer to as Team Citizen. They will appear, and they will be getting into trouble, especially in the back half of our show because now we have a new way to bring in meta storylines, with her investigations. It doesn’t always have to be a bank robber anymore. It’s been the blessing, from the story gods.

Will Iris meet Lois Lane?

WALLACE: I’m not going to answer that, but I think you know the answer. Is that clear? I’m not saying a word.

Cisco’s relationships haven’t always been well-served on the show. Will it be, this time?

WALLACE: Yes. In fact, we love Kamilla. That’s why, when we skipped forward four months, we wanted to just rip the band-aid off and be like, “She’s already in the family. She knows Barry is The Flash, and she knows about Vibe. They’re doing just fine, and having a healthy relationship that’s not Barry and Iris. As far as their relationship ups and downs, and highs and lows, they won’t be having that kind of drama. They’re doing great. That’s one of the themes of his season arc that plays over all 22 episodes. Can you be happy, being human? Can you be happy, not being a meta? Can you be happy, not saving the world, every week? Yeah, you can. You can get a beer at the picnic, and maybe you do punch in nine to five and let The Flash handle everything else. That’s nice. That’s a big thing that Cisco will be struggling with, all season, and Kamilla is a part of that.

With Killer Frost and Caitlin coming to an agreement, what will we see from Killer Frost, trying to live a life?

WALLACE: Now that she has a life coach? It has been a pure delight, writing Killer Frost this season. She’s much more in the forefront than Caitlin is. That life coach stuff starts in Episode 602. It’s the second scene, and we honor the promise of the premise. We deliver, and it’s led to these hilarious situations. We talk of her almost as a teenager who finally got the keys to the car, but doesn’t know how to drive, and then she’s gotta drive to go to the store, or the movies, or wherever. Everything is new, through her eyes, which means she’s gonna make some mistakes, which is great. It’s going to lead to some more tears, but she’s also going to grow into something that didn’t exist before. Maybe you do lose that Killer. Maybe it’s just Frost, down the line. And Danielle is having a blast. I told her what’s coming in the back half [of the season], because that’s what we’re breaking. We’re at graphic novel number two, and the result of where she ends up, emotionally, in graphic novel one, gives her the strength to face what lies in graphic novel two.

Will we be seeing more meta storylines that show different types of metas that aren’t criminals?

WALLACE: Yes. It goes back to honoring the old of the first five seasons, but finding new ways to make it fresh. You should just watch Episode 602. There are two new story devices to bring in cases. One is that they don’t have to be a bad guy, and the second one appears next week. It’s a new way to get stories in because it’s based in character. That’s part of the fun. Let’s see different kinds of stories. Just ‘cause this show is The Flash, it doesn’t mean another main character can’t take center stage for an entire episode. Look for that, ‘cause that’s happening. We have such a talented cast, so why aren’t we using them?

The synopsis for Episode 602 mentions John Wesley Shipp. Which version of him will we see?

WALLACE: It’s Jay Garrick. Season 6 is a little more serialized now, which probably comes from me having been on Teen Wolf. Sometimes we pick up right from where something left off. We fooled the audience [with the premiere] because we did a direct pick-up, but then we jumped forward five months. But a lot of the episodes, especially Episodes 602, 603 and 604, end, and then, it picks up one second later because I want the immediacy that audiences get when they’re watching a streaming show that’s eight or ten episodes. That’s our competition, quite frankly. I want that same immediacy brought to The CW, and I love them so much for saying, “Do it. We support this.”

The Season 6 premiere talks a lot about getting to know a new version of Nora, eventually. Is there a pregnancy storyline bubbling for Iris, at all?

WALLACE: Not this season, but that doesn’t mean a huge hint about Nora isn’t coming, this season. There will be two. One will probably be misinterpreted the wrong way ‘cause it’s a deliberate misdirect. I like that, and I like mysteries, but it’s real. So, look for that. The comic book fans will be watching Episode 602, and they’ll see a particular thing and go, “Oh, my god, I know what that means.”

In the Bronze Age comics, we learned that Iris was actually born in the 30th century and was sent back in time. Is that a story that would ever be adapted to the TV show?

WALLACE: Yes.

Can you elaborate?

WALLACE: No, but I’m telling you yes.

What’s the process for honoring the stories that so many of us know from the comics, and yet presenting them in a way for modern audiences, where you can deviate a little for surprises?

WALLACE: As a Bronze Age reader, myself, I know what storyline you’re talking about, and I love it. The comics are so rich with wonderful themes and ideas, so that’s what we want to honor, every week, and draw from. But ultimately, what we have to do is tell modern, contemporary, grounded stories, so we have to find a way to mix them. Everything should start with, “What cool thing do I want to see? I just want to see that because it’s insane, or because I love it. When I was reading my Bronze Age comic book, this is what happened. And then, I’ll sit back and go, “Well, we do need Iris to get to this place, emotionally, and now this storyline supports that.” So, suddenly, we’ve got a piece of Bronze Age hard data, and we’re incorporating it into a story. That’s why it, hopefully, feels a little seamless, and it rewards the Bronze Age and Silver Age reader, and even the modern readers with Bloodwork. Bloodwork is a contemporary villain, who’s in the comics right now. That’s something I specifically wanted to do. I wanted to pull in a new kid who’s reading The Flash right now and goes, “Oh, I love Bloodwork. He’s so crazy!” I want him to connect to our show, too, and not just his dad, who’s probably my age and has had a long Flash connection.

We haven’t yet met the new Wells, so what can you say about Tom Cavanagh’s latest character?

WALLACE: He’s my favorite since Harrison Wells, the Reverse Flash of Season 1. He’s cool and suave. This is a man of adventure. This is a man who can get in a fight and old his own. We haven’t seen a Wells like that. There’s this completely unexpected side to him, which I will not spoil, that’s just wonderful, and he has a secret. It’s a secret that will be slowly dripped out in graphic novel number one, but which will really mess with his mind, literally, in graphic novel number two. It’s going to lead him to an emotional place that’s similar territory to one of the other Wells, and I don’t want to give a spoiler away, but it takes it in a completely opposite direction. It will be very apparent, by Episode 606, what his secret is. You all will ask yourselves, “Wait a minute, that’s like the other Wells, but I don’t think it’s gonna end the same way.” It’s a very emotional story that we’re very excited, and I know Tom’s excited about it. And he looks good in his costume. He’s having a good time, and I’m loving it. I’m laughing, as I write it, which is great.

Sue Dearbon has been teased a bit. Will we be meeting Sue, this season, and could you ever see Ralph and Sue in their own spin-off series?

WALLACE: I’ll answer the second question first, and yes, without question. We’re actually writing the episode right now, where Sue first appears, and boy, are we having a blast because Sue is such a delight. Sue Dearbon will appear in the back half. But sometimes what you see, isn’t what you see. Is that opaque enough?

Keiynan Lonsdale has said that he’ll be back this season. When might we see that?

WALLACE: We’ll start breaking his episode next week, and my nervous problem is that I’ve talked to him and he said he’s gonna be in it. I’ve heard that he’s still saying it, but I’m dreading the phone call of, “I’m busy. I’m doing another album.” I support, so much, his music career and his other artistic endeavors, which I think are terrific. But if all goes well, we should be breaking his story, in the next couple of weeks. I’m trying my best to honor that and get Kid Flash in for a couple [of episodes] because the story is so good. Kid Flash will now meet a classic villain from the classic days of the classic comic books, and maybe he’ll have to save The Flash’s behind, which is what I want to see. He’s not a kid anymore. He’s grown up.

How do you approach the science of it all, on this show?

WALLACE: I’m a science nut. I used to write a comic for DC comics, called Mr. Terrific, which was super sciency, to the wazoo. And I used to work on Eureka, back in the day, which was a science-based, family comedy-drama. I got in a habit, way back in the Eureka days, of just reading Scientific American and Googling websites and NASA sites, on a regular basis, so science is my friend. I like to use the Stephen King rules of writing, where you come up with the crazy idea, and then find the facts to support it. We’ll write the science in the scripts, in a way that’s very complicated and very technical, and then, we’ll do what we call a simplicity pass to make sure everyone can understand the basic concepts. And then, we’ll do another pass for how much we really need to explain because it is a science-fiction and fantasy show, but we don’t have 800 pages. We have 42 minutes, and the scripts will get too long, if you bog them down with that type of stuff. It is a balancing act, but I do like to put as much real science into the stories as possible because there might be young people watching this and going, “I wanna be a scientist, like Caitlin. I wanna be a scientist like Cisco.” Suddenly, maybe there will be one more scientist in the world, and that would be really awesome. So, I take it very seriously, the messages that the show is presenting to our young people and to people of color.

The Flash returns for Season 6 on The CW on October 8th.

Collier.

[bonesgadh]

Okay so I think I’ve figured out a way in which Hopper can still be alive.

I think lots of us, if not most of us were left with the idea Hopper wasn’t killed in the blast. Mainly because Hopper is a character we all love and he is a fan favorite, but also because of that cryptic “No. Not the american” line the russian soldier says in the epilogue of 3x08.

I’ve spent the last twelve hours thinking of how a “Hopper is alive” scenario could work within the narrative of the show, and I think I finally have the answer.

But first, some evidence that could sustain our claim that Hopper survived:

The first scene from 3x01 features a russian experiment gone wrong, an experiment we are meant to believe is intented to open a gate to the upside down. When the machine explodes all the nearby workers‘ bodies transform into burnt flesh. The blast from 3x08 is technically bigger and at the moment of the explosion we see four scientists desintegrate, but they didn’t show what exactly happened to Hopper. I guess you could say the Duffers thought it would be too traumatic to show him burst into a thousand pieces but I find it interesting the camera focused not once but twice in the spot Hopper was standing before the blast.

I see certain similarities between Eleven’s “sacrifice” from 1x08 and Hopper’s actions from 3x08. They both knew what they had to do to ensure the rest would survive, they weren’t afraid to die to save others and their “deaths” were tragic because they were witnessed by people who loved them (Mike, Lucas and Dustin in Eleven’s case, Joyce in Hopper’s) and they couldn’t do anything to save them. The ending of 1x08 made it seem as if Eleven was gone—which was the Duffers’ original idea—but they still chose to leave things open-ended just in case, in the form of Hopper leaving the Eggos in the forest. When Eleven “sacrificed” herself to kill the demogorgon in 1x08 they showed her vanish, but it turns out she only teleported to the upside down.

There are reasons to believe they are aiming to do the same thing with Hopper. He apparently dies in the blast but there’s a blink-and-you-miss-it moment that hints at the possibility he may be in Russia instead.

But in case he survived, how did Hopper end up in the other side of the world?

Here’s the possible explanation:

Hopper travelled through the upside down and onto Russia.

It sounds crazy but hear me out.

There have been lots of references to espionage in Stranger Things, Eleven herself was used to spy on russian officials. What if the russians found out about the gate she opened and the upside down, and they wanted to use it to their advantage?

What if the russians weren’t trying to open a gate to the upside down, but what they intended was to create some sort of portal to travel to the US through interdimentional travel?

In the context of the Cold War this could work like a charm for them. They could send weapons, men and equipment into the US without danger and without being noticed.

The first scene from 3x01 is set in Russia, where the original machine is being built and tested. However the machine Joyce destroys is in Hawkins, which makes me believe the one in Russia is only one end of the road, and the one in Hawkins is the other end. Like point A to point B.

Now, during season 3 there were many references to Back to the Future. They showed many scenes from the first movie and the poster can be seen in the background on at least a couple of occasions, and the mall’s parking lot remembles the one in which Marty went back in time. 

In case you haven’t seen the trilogy, in the final minutes of the second film ‘Doc’ Brown is riding the DeLorean in a storm and he gets hit by a lighting bolt, and he is accidentally sent to 1885. In the third and final movie of the saga Marty goes back in time to rescue ‘Doc’ and to take him back to 1985.

The lights that emanate from the mysterious machine that opens the gate look very similar to lighting bolts, and to the flux capacitor in the DeLorean as well. In fact, when they hit those poor workers in 3x01 it seems as if they are being hit by lighting.

What if the blast sent Hopper into the upside down through the gate and, because it is a portal, he ends up in Russia instead of in the upside down? And what if season 4 finds El and the gang trying to bring him back through that same portal, just like Marty tries to do with ‘Doc’ in BTTF3?

Also there’s another possible hint at this being true: Dustin’s transmisor.

Dustin brags about his transmitor being able to receive and transmit signals from and through long distances, which is proved twice in the season. What if “Cerebro” is a metaphor of what is happening beyond ground? The portal is able to link point A to point B, just like Dustin’s transmisor.

Also worth mentioning is the fact that “Cerebro” is located at the highest point of Hawkins, while the portal the russians are trying to build is located underneath. That’s a very blunt contrast.

I know this all sounds crazy and maybe I’m just grasping at straws, but I believe Hopper is alive and I will continue to do so until proven wrong.

[tisthenightofthewitch]

TOBIAS FORGE: HOW IRON MAIDEN INFLUENCED GHOST

2018 has been a banner year for Ghost, and it all ends with an extremely ambitious tour, featuring arena shows in the U.S. With the Swedish cult act on the cusp of becoming one of heavy metal's great immortals, we got on the phone with Ghost mastermind Tobias Forge to talk all about his upcoming plans, Carpenter Brut's new version of "Dance Macabre," what Forge learned from touring arenas with Iron Maiden and more.

So the Carpenter Brut cover, did they write this before and send it to you, or was this a collaboration? How did this whole thing get your attention?

I knew Franck and the band from before. I think our whole relationship started a few years ago. I’m a big fan of Deathspell Omega, and because he had produced or recorded them, he emailed me introducing himself, saying, “Hey, I’m the producer of Deathspell Omega and I just wanted to let you know that I have a band called Carpenter Brut and we would love to, at some point down the line, do some sort of collaboration.” I said, “Okay, great.”

I’ve been terribly busy, and basically, as much as my intentions are pure, very often when it comes to collaborations or doing things or even socially sometimes, my intention is always like, “Yeah, of course.” But between being on tour… if you come out on tour and hang, I’m there, but usually when I’m off tour, I’m pretty much domesticated, I have a family. We kept postponing, and we sort of kept in touch.

So [Carpenter Brut] came out on tour. Me and Franck -- it was basically the first time we’d ever hung out together, and that I think furthered the bond and the idea of, “Well, at some point we should do something.” I’m a big fan of ’80s music, for lack of a better word. I’m a big fan of dance music, but especially dance music when it comes in the form of ’80s horroresque dance music, and I know just the guy who does music just like that.

Carpenter Brut even used different vocal melodies at times, as opposed to your original version of "Dance Macabre." Did Carpenter Brut remix your vocal lines, or did they use parts that didn’t actually make the Ghost version of the song?

No, they were not given any alternate takes. I always layer my vocals a lot. I sing a minimum of three layers of the same line every time and then it’s always one or two or sometimes even more harmonies. If you just mute the music, and you have all the harmonies in there, the harmonies, obviously, will dictate the chords underneath. So in order for him to alternate and change with the chords, if he wants to change that, sometimes he needs to adjust the tone or a note here or there, and you might wanna skip those harmonies and sort of change them a little to follow the orchestration of the new chord sequence. I’m assuming that is what he did, because it sounds correct, for lack of a better word.

So back in 2015, I spoke to a Nameless Ghoul for Loudwire, and he talked about the “growing pains” of Ghost’s live show as it becomes more and more elaborate. Now that Ghost will be playing arenas, how have those “growing pains” continued?

There are several and they’re quite intense. I was told before that one of the hardest jumps to do, painlessly, is the one from playing clubs into playing arenas. I am completely aware of that now. The production that you jam into a theater, regardless of if there’s 900 people in the crowd or 3,500, is basically a production that’s supposed to be seen through a proscenium sort of hole, and that means there are certain aspects and angles of the production that you won’t see as a spectator.

When you go into an arena like the Forum, all of a sudden you have a completely different angle. There’s a completely different degree from which people are seeing your production, so you have to make that as close as possible to the other bands that they have seen in an arena. Years ago we played the second biggest ice hockey arena here in Stockholm. It’s not the biggest one, but it’s basically our Madison Square Garden. That’s the place where every band ever has played. All the bands in the ’60s… the Beatles played there, the Stones played there, Iron Maiden played there like five or six times in the ’80s. It’s the place where most people, if you’re older than 30, you have seen concerts there. Obviously, the Forum, same thing. Every [big] band on the planet has played there.

You have to go in there knowing that last time a lot of those people were here, they might’ve seen Guns ’N Roses, or they might’ve seen Muse, or they might’ve seen U2. That is the hardest thing; to find that thing that works for one night, because the day after and the day before, you might do a smaller venue. Even though it’s a theater stage and 3,000 people, that’s big enough, but you cannot just take that production and just put it onto the Forum stage, as you won’t look cool.

I think that the hardest thing to get to terms with emotionally is the fact that you don’t really have the time to get good at doing those arena shows, because the production will be something that you see maybe one time before we do the show. If you’re headlining at Hellfest or Wacken or Graspop or something, and all of a sudden you’re playing in front of so many more people, and you have to step up everything five or six or 10 times. You’re used to having maybe eight cans of fire, but on this show you need to have 28, because there has to be fire everywhere, because people standing 200 feet away, they need to see it.

I love playing arenas; it’s the best thing. As much as I like the intimacy of theaters, that is my favorite size of show, because if you’re playing arenas, especially if you do a whole consecutive tour playing arenas, there are no legal limitations. There’s some limitations, but it’s not the same thing as when you come into an old, wooden theater that was built in 1902 that you cannot use fire in, you cannot use confetti in it, you cannot blow shit up, and oh, by the way, you cannot move the curtain, or whatever. There’s tons of things like that.

When you do arenas consecutively, that’s when people really get value for their money. That’s when you can be consistent. That’s another thing that I am very much hoping to become, consistent, in the sense that when you go see Ghost, you can count on us having fire, count on us having the pyro. You can count on us doing that gag and that gag and that gag.

Did Ghost learn any important lessons from touring arenas with Iron Maiden?

One of my earliest sources of inspiration when it comes to wanting to become a touring musician playing arenas was carefully and hysterically studying the booklet of Live After Death. That was my measuring tool in terms of, “That is what a tour looks like.” That is how many shows you do. Which might give you an idea of why we toured so much, because that is what I learned. That is one of the reasons why I even wanted to become a musician and be on tour, because I read about it. I used to sit with an atlas, a map book, and I used to follow the tour and watch where they were going, and oh, they had a day off in Saginaw. Back then I didn’t have any internet or anything, so I didn’t know what Saginaw was. I had no point of reference, but I knew that Iron Maiden probably had a day off there in 1985.

Fast forward to 2010, ’11, ’12, something, we started touring with them. We’re behind the famous stage set they have. And “Wow, there’s that Eddie doll,” and “There’s that backdrop.” Then I got to know the guys, the band. Steve [Harris]and a lot of their crew are good friends of mine, and we even have people in our crew that either have been with them or are doing both. There’s a lot of cross-pollination between Iron Maiden and Ghost nowadays. They have been extremely important for my whole reason wanting to be here and the reason why I’ve gotten to the place where I am now.

Loudwire