#i love you sooooooo much it's insane babes

[moonlight-prose]

a barbie sleepover? I am there faster than you can finish singing I’m just ken 😌 here we goo!

📞call and receive! - I would like some advice for getting out of a major writing slump? seeing as you’ve been on a hot writing streak, how do you write so much without second guessing it and keep yourself going?

💌send some love to a blog! - yes I’m I would like to send some love to you! 🩷 (even though i practically tell you this every time you send me a snippet of what you’re working on) I’m just so endlessly proud and in awe of you. you’re amazing and this hot writing streak that you’re on is not only keeping my Logan brainrot alive, but it’s also keeping me from losing it and feeling like absolute shit. BUT ANYWAY, YOU ARE SPECTACULAR YOU AND YOURE BEAUTIFUL WRITING BRAIN!! I ADORE YOU AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD!! MWAH!!! 😘😘♥️

did i save this cause i love you and want to re-read this all the time??? absolutely.

okay so advice about getting out of a writing slump! i think honestly what got me out of my writing slump was watching deadpool & wolverine. i think i finally realized that this whole thing in regards to fandom is meant to be fun. and what i write here isn't gonna win awards or get me a paycheck. it's practice so when i turn over and write my original pieces i feel better about my skill.

don't second guess yourself but i know that's never easy cause duh we all do that in one way or another. but instead try to remember that fanfic/writing for these characters is just a way to tell them you love them.

it's a way to place yourself in scenarios that can be solely for you! it's not supposed to be stressful and i think if it is stressing you out then take a step back, breathe, and return to it when you feel okay.

[whythehailnot]

Fat girlie dating ramble and a question for other fat babes

Having a bit of an insecurity spiral today (as one does while being in the dating ring), and on a few separate occasions of venting about dating and feeling insecure as a fat person dating, I feel like I get the same sort of "huh? Is that really a thing? Did this person explicitly tell you that?" when I mention some concerns/insecurities that crop up.

The biggest being that I want the person I'm dating to find me hot (the lowest bar to trip over, as my friend puts it). And of course the people we date should see us as hot! Hello! It's truly step one! 👏💖

But I was talking about how I worry that people (mostly men) who reach out to me just see me as being someone to either A) must be a good cook (and potential gf/wife material), because I'm fat (and their profile indicates they're looking for gf/wife to cook for them lmao man-children 🙄) B) just here to validate their emotions and lift them up (this unfortunately can just be applied to anyone, you don't have to be fat, but if you're also femme I feel like this very common) and C) that because I'm fat, I must be "easy" and desperate for a relationship.

It's the C that trips up the people I've brought this up to - and it's making me feel insane and like I'm crazy that this is a concern. The people I've also brought this up to are also both thin and attractive as well. (And I want to stress these people are wonderful and I love them, but I think because it's not an experience they've dealt with/been super adjacent too, it's just not something they can really understand).

It's one of those where no one has explicitly said any of these to me in my personal experience, but it's such a pervasive thought in my mind (fueled by past experiences that my depression brain can't fully articulate, but also ABSOLUTELY from sooooooo much media growing up).

But it's making me wonder if this is ACTUALLY something that other fat babes have felt in their life as well? Am I just being sort of crazy/ultra sensitive? Am I gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss-ing myself?? HELP LMAO

*I'll delete this later probably but I truly just feel like I'm crazy @ w @;;

[moonstruckme]

imagine the boys ( poly!marauders ) with a muggleborn s/o who's very artistic but super humble and casual abt it

like they're all chilling together, and she's just like "hey sirius, do you think i got your nose right?" and she turns her sketchbook and it's the most beautiful drawing of all of them smiling together in pencil and the boys are like ":O!!! what the hell babe that's so good!!!" and she's trying to tell them it's nothing special, but they're all over her

and assuming she'd know about their animagus forms, imagine sirius offhandedly mentions wanting a new tattoo!! and s/o shows him all of the designs she made based off padfoot, prongs, and even moony, he gets one of them and shows the other boys

BONUS POINTS IF IT'S MODERN TIMES! and s/o has a sticker maker thingies, and prints stickers with those designs and is so proud to show them to her boys, and then suddenly a few of them are gone and she's like ":((" bc she thinks she lost them. but then she finds them on james' broom, and on remus' journal, and sirius' bike, bc they love showing off her work and being like "oh, this? yeah it's so good right?? MY girlfriend made that 😏😏 she's so talented and cool"

Omg I left this in my inbox forever because I thought it was a request and was like "wow I've got a lot to include in there" but now I see that it's not haha (I hope I'm not wrong now, sorry if I am!)

This is sooooooo sweet though!!! I can just imagine how impressed they'd all be, and Sirius and James being bolder in asking her to draw them but Remus secretly keeping every one she makes of him in a special place and looking at them all the time :((

And there's NO WAY they didn't frame that first drawing you mentioned if they all share a flat, that is their MASTERPIECE and they want everyone to see!! The idea of her doing tattoo designs for Sirius is so cute, I feel like slowly more and more tattoos in her style would start to appear on his body and he'd love having that piece of her with him so much.

The sticker thing AHHH!! They're showing her off, they're smiling each time they look at it, they're taking every opportunity to tell anyone who asks (or doesn't) that their girlfriend is an amazing talented artist and isn't is this sticker such excellent proof??

I <3 the idea of the boys being so totally fascinated and honestly dazzled by their artistic gf and her insane talent, thanks so much for sharing my love!!

[mars-mystic]

Hiii Glance is something I hadn't considered before at all, wanna share some of the appeal?

I am very confused but intrigued

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret nonny, follow me. *takes you by the hand and leads you through many well lit corridors, ending with a final door. It is simple, but welcoming, already propped open for you.*

This is where the magic happens. *you step into a room. It is brightly lit, and filled with animate conversation. However, neither George nor Lance is anywhere to be found*

What’s this, you say. I thought you were gonna show me the appeal of glance. *I nod, cryptically*

I am. *as we walk around the room you begin to notice a large group forming around one corner. As we walk by, a massive cheer goes up, turning everybody’s heads*

What was that, you ask.

They did a thing, I say, grinning. We’ll come back once you’ve finished your tour. *we walk around the room in companionable silence, a few eyes on us, watching me, watching you.*

Do you get it now?

It’s just a bunch of people in a room, you say, confused. I wanted the appeal. Tell me about their history, their canon events. Do they even interact at all?

Oh that doesn’t matter, I say with a smile. It’s all about the people. The community. We built this place for ourselves, for our stories. So that we could share them with each other, and you. That’s the appeal. Glance is whatever you want to make of it.

***

Ok but listen up. They do have history. The raced together all the time as kids. They have a rivalry. They were somehow always around each other. They share a birth year. They never talk to each other anymore. Doesn’t it make you curious? Don’t you wonder what happened? What’s going on?

That’s the beauty of glance, how little we know about them. We don’t know their full history, but we know enough to be compelled. The rest is all guesswork babeyy, and it’s FUN. (I’m sure there are people out there who could give you a better idea of their history, but that’s not me. I’m not the historian, I’m the propaganda department).

Their capacity for rivals to lovers is unMATCHED. One sided hatred, one sided rivalries. They are opposites. They are the same. Uptight vs laidback. Cares sooooooo much vs doesn’t give a shit. It shouldn’t work but it DOES.

They are both insane, but in different ways. Insane4Insane. It’s about balance.

***

Shall we peruse the bookshelf? When I got here we only had one (maybe two) pages on ao3. Now we’re at five and counting (let’s go squad!). List is obviously abridged and also woefully incomplete. (I’m not saying this is y’all’s BEST fic (i mean it might be), I’m saying I’m just a girl. Also don’t ask what the categories mean. They are based vaguely on publishing dates but also vibes.

Early works

1. Parallel Players by crimandclove (@parallelplayers). This TOME was my first intro to glance and let me just say… it was convincing. Compelling. Some would say life changing (I would). This is THE glance bible. Pretty sure all of us have drawn at least a little bit of inspo from it for our own fics (I know I have).

2. cheque please by weegreenbean (@weegreenbean)

I would be remiss in talking about glance without mentioning my beloved. Doing god’s work over in strollonso but also over here in glance nation. Shoutout to this one because I read it last night, and it is textbook Early Glance™️. And because you couldn’t pay me to pick a favourite, there are too many to choose from.

3. Kamikaze by pitconfirm (@pitconfirm). Now with sequel. And both make me want to scream. One of the first fics I read when I got here.

4. The Worst Way to Love Somebody is Quietly by LilShiro (@lil-shiro). Ok I also read this one last night. But it’s soooooooooo them.

Post-modern Reformation (or whatever)

1. off-schedule by Anonymous. Always worth a reread. Always making me insane

2. good luck, babe! by Anonymous. Another fic I read last night. This might just be a list of fics I read last night, now that I think of it.

3. Superposition by girlcowboy3 (@girlcowboy3)

4. I tried so hard to remember where, when, why, how- by abovecalamity (@abovecalamity)

Special Notes

- There is an abundance of girl!george and/or girl!lance fics around. I mean… it is rule 63. Only fair. They are ALL amazing, go check them out

- glance is where I first found out about the soulmate goose trope. That was an… odd but fun period in my life.

- some of you guys have a lot to say (which I love), but you only get ONE mention. HOWEVER I would highly recommend clicking on the little author name button and seeing where that gets you.

Thank you for the ask nonny, hope to see you around (whoever you may be). My inbox is open if you ever wanna chat <3

[velvet-vox]

My second pipeline of future ideas: Part 1

As of right now, I'm making an analysis on Noximilien Coxen the Watchmaker from Wakfu, and it's going pretty smoothly, I should be able to publish it as of tomorrow.

In the meantime, I thought about making a second survey to see what each and every one of you wants to see first between these projects:

Lord Shen's horrifying humanity: an analysis of Lord Shen in the same vein as my Tai Lung's one; I've recently rewatched both of the Kung Fu Panda movies after so many years, AND IT WAS SOOOOOOO GOOD. While watching the second one, however, I've noticed something that I've never seen: how the film focuses so much on Shen's emotional state, and how it helps him to become one of the greatest baddies in all of animation.

Doll and Andrew Graves comparison: remember all the times when I've said I was going to make a comparison post between Nox from Wakfu and Doll from Murder Drones? Well, I'm still going to do that once episode 8 is out, but in the meantime, since both The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley and Murder Drones are unfinished products, I thought, sure why not? My only hope is to get the Andrew part right, I'm especially worried since there're new pieces of information regarding Julia and Rene that I still haven't seen, so I might need to get my facts checked.

How and Why Liam Vickers wrote Doll as a rather unsympathetic character: I feel like, when you really love something, you must be able to criticise it. And this is exactly the goal of this analysis, as I break down all of the problems with Doll's writing right from the conceptual issues down to her future and legacy.

Female villains tier list: a long time coming, and still a long time in the making. The problem is that I've accidentally published it ahead of time only to then remake it from scratch and still accidentally publish it, again. Also I've decided to watch the Kerubim movie to see if Julith was as good as I've heard. I imagine so, since it's a Wakfu antagonist, but I have to wait and see.

Dark Vlad analysis: I want to make an analysis on every main antagonist of Wakfu, and since I can finally watch season 4 and maybe the movie, that includes Toross and Julith. But there's one minor, one-off antagonist that I also want to talk about; what is, in my opinion, the best villain from season 3 and the single greatest twist villain in all of fiction: the title itself is actually misleading, as I'll be talking about Goultard himself.

To find a way to spend the time while the survey ends, I'll be writing about the insanely untapped potential of Rebecca from Murder Drones.

@rad10active-ketchup , @rebecca-babe , @zobjilan77 , please, send me your ideas if you want to see them discussed as I'm not normally a Rebecca fan so I could use some help to get everything right.

[jojotichakorn]

archer rewatches nlmg: episode 11

[episode 10]

i kinda love that palm came so close to considering killing tanya. there is something very meaty, very juicy there.

hey, we're not catholic here. thinking about doing something and doing it are very different things.

absolutely insane and diabolical, i love it

literally one of my favourite mini-eras of their relationship. palm as an official personal bodyguard. they also look sooooooo fucking hot, just look at them!!!

i desperately want to analyse their fashion sense in-depth because i am obsessed with it. and it feels intentional. palm is genuinely stylish. his current change in status just built off of what he always wears, so he simply has a jacket on top of his standard tasteful hawaiian shirt and white low cut tank-top, he always accessorises and has a variety of bracelets and necklaces he wears as well. meanwhile, nueng is very much "i know which items of clothing i should wear for which occasion and... that's it", so he goes for a regular short-sleeved top + shorts pairing on the island and now wears a very straightforward suit and tie combo, and it all very much gives off a "someone else bought all these clothes for me and i'm just throwing together whatever my eyes fall on first" vibe.

well, i have good news for you, kit. a little while longer and you won't have to imagine what it's like when you son sends you to rot and die in prison :)

don't mind me, i'm just trying to figure out how short i am in comparison to pond (results: devastating)

and thank gods for that

gjdflkgjkdf friend? they su[gunshot]

speaking of fashion, chopper's looks are also very stylish and very intentional like!! idk, i wanna talk to the costume designers of this thing asap.

*chanting* PAT-RI-CIDE PAT-RI-CIDE PAT-RI-CIDE

PERTH IS SO FUCKING GOOD I SWEAR TO GODS

look at him, gushing to his mom about his boyfriend, he is so happy with palm and so in love with him 🥹

babe, i know you're insane, but everything should have limits. you are staying together forever or else. this is a threat.

thinking of palm daydreaming about dancing with nueng, when they were dancing with other people. thinking of palm dancing with nueng, when he was drunk and grieving his mom and about to lose nueng. seeing them finally dancing together happily, making plans for the future, promising to never leave each other again.

again, when is it my turn

i'm obsessed with nueng's personality growth btw. babygirl is literally being held hostage and he is laughing in kit's face lmao.

[finale]

[star-girl69]

DUDEEEEEE. She calls me baby youuuuu ate that harrrrrrrd. Like I had to go back in for seconds and thirds and fourths fr fr. Cause are we even surprised or are we just grateful that you give us mortals a second of your time and talent????

Babe you are so incredibly talented. The way you write is sooooooo amazing its like you just know how to manipulate your words into something that will and has had me in tears in like 2 seconds. Don't even get me started on how you write your characters. Like I don't know how I can fully and most genuinely express the astonishment you leave me in all the time.

I believe that you are one of a kind and a treasure to be cherished. I know that doubting is inevitable but I hope that you know that I'm always gonna be in the obsessed with addie corner no matter what. Like I meant it when I said that there won't be a time when you have no fans. Ever. You will forever be my favourite gorgeous goddess❤️❤️❤️.

-❤️

(I'm sorry I've been so absent school has been actually eating me alive)

(I think about you everyday though and it makes life just that much better)

(I hope you don't think I'm exaggerating😭😭😭😭All of this that I've been feeling without releasing had to be sent in a long ask my bad)

(I missed your little bonuses though, I hope you're doing okay)

(I'm always here for anything you may need, even if its literally just to tell you how amazing you are)

(love you ❤️)

#jealousclarissesupremacy

I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE I WAS SO WORRIED I SMILED SO HARD WHEN I GOT THIS ASK 🤭🤭

I CANT THAT WHOLE SECOND PARAGRAPH LIKE I CANT LIKE WOWWWW YOU THINK THAT???? ABOUT MEEE??!!!!??!?!?!?!!

TREASURE IS INSANE BTW 🤭 anyways omg. i’m so grateful wtf like i’m sorry i cant come up w something more poetic like you i just love these asks so much i get so happy and idk how to express that other than ilysm and i’m just so happy and so so grateful

also gorgeous goddess… i giggled 🤭🤭🤭

(ITS OKAYYYYY IM GLAD YOUR BACK SCHOOL HAS BEEN COOKING ME TOO 💔💔)

(EVERYDAY??!?!?!?! i think about you everyday too tho….. thinking about that one day you were so active and i got like 5 asks from you… BEST DAY OF MY LIFEEE) (also pls don’t take this as me pressuring you TRUST i am grateful for whatever you give me 🙏🙏)

(STOP. I. LOVE. LONG. ASKS. DONT ANNOY ME BY DOUBTING MY LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!!)

(idk i’m okay i’ve just been really feeling pressured to write stuff bc the fandom is dying down (guys pls come back) and i am now firmly addicted to the praise and number of notifs i get…. lol. the bonuses have always been weird bc sometimes they come so easily to me like the first one i did was so it goes and i didn’t even have to think about it and then someone said they liked it so i went back and did it to my other fics and started doing it and idk yeah basically what i’m saying is sometimes they’re so easy and other times i have to force myself to come up w something which sucks but people like them so i’m happy to do it!!!!)

(tbh i’ll probably go back and add a bonus to she calls me baby bc i have just a little teeny bit of ocd and it will bother me but also i’m trying to let the little things go but idk we’ll see how strong i am 😭😭)

(sorry i will stop ranting now) (shoutout to anyone who actually reads that incoherent ramble)

(i need to be told how amazing i am 24/7 so that will be hard 😔) (BUT I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT)

(LOVE YOU TOOOOO 💋💋💋)

#iagreesobad

[cescalr]

New tag game: list ten of your childhood ships!

tagged by @babybeale <3... forever ago. Uh. Whoops!

[I will also state my current feelings regarding the ship, and I'll go into as little or as much detail as I feel like <3 I'm also. I have a sieve brain. I'm trying to remember what the fuck it was I shipped as a kid lmao. Anything I shipped, say, pre 2016, I think should count? ftr that means I was 14 or under when I shipped it.]

Nina/Fabian, from House of Anubis;

They're still cute. Better than what they pulled in the last season ;-; fabian and mara...... why...........

2. Sam and Freddie, from iCarly;

This show was just. Not good at writing romance. At all. It was bad at it. But I am very smart and know better than them (/joke) so I could do seddie justice. Er. Maybe trying to do that right now, actually. Shh.

[also, friend; jade and beck is so complicated, you're right. A fun mess, but still a mess lmao. Me and my rarepairs was always a fan of stuff that never ended up being canon though. Might as well put it next, I guess? Looking at your 3.... when it comes to icarly; we could not possibly have had more different opinions on the matter <3 lmao]

3. Tori Vega / André Harris;

I haven't watched it in years so I do not remember why! But I do remember that I did. I think. Don't - don't quote me on anything ever.

4. Willoz - from buffy the vampire slayer;

No gifs for them :( :( :( love them still so very much <3

5. Honestly, I'd steal your number 5 bestie, 6Teen was great. In the spirit of obscure animated TV shows, though - and It's been so damn long I forgot the names of some characters, had to look up the guy's name, lol - Zero and Vin from The Invisible Network of Kids. It left a profound impact on my psyche because they did something really fucked up in the last episode, plus left us on a cliffhanger, and then the show got cancelled </3 rip. Haven't watched it in a decade or so. No idea if it holds up, but I was super invested in these kids doing spy work and experiencing insane levels of trauma that would be ignored come each new episode </3. I was literally 8 years old <3. It has a TV tropes page and the entire show is availible on the Internet Archive, of all places, sooooooo I may browse. For nostalgia's sake. There are literally zero gifs available for this one, because. I mean. No shit.

7. Didn't watch any of that continuity - only got so far as Tracey Beaker Returns... alas. Anyway, my pic for 7..... hm. Sigh.

Stiles/Lydia, Teen Wolf.

This ^ is NOT romantic! she slams her mouth onto his in the middle of a panic attack. Babe. No. No. Regardless; I don't like it </3. They really. Oh god they really fucked up this one. Like a lot. Plus, they both just ended up with much better canon ships (stalia, marrish) that then got shafted for this mess to be the endgame and then the movie breaks them up anyway!!! OFFSCREEN!!!! they didn't even last 2 weeks!!!! fuck!!!!!!!! I don't like them. But I used to. Playlist, for proof. I feel like this counts, because I shipped them when I first watched the show as it aired (I was 10 when the show started), but I did still ship the pairing until well into my teens (16 or so) before I wised up (the show made them very bad in a really boring way. Not that they weren't bad before. Love how they both do things that are otherwise reprehensible but the show frames them as romantic for some fucking reason </3 I was like 13 when I saw this kiss on screen. They're lucky I did research and didn't just take it at face value or I could've gotten some really bad ideas about what's healthy in a situation like this!).

8. Zikki (Zane/Rikki), H20: Just Add Water;

Season 3 does not exist <3 [also, the way they wrote the 'cheating' plotline was fucked up. That woman planted one on him!!! he did not consent!!! Why are we supposed to be blaming him for being sexually harassed in the workplace!!! No!!!]. Still ship them fr fr.

8. maf;lkasjd;f yeahhh. Think if you watched friends as a kid, it was inevitable you'd ship rosschel, the damn thing was pushed so hard. Stand in regretful solidarity;

For really obvious reasons (being that it is rosschel); hot damn no I do not!

9. Harry and Ginny, Harry Potter.

Ignoring the horrendous movie adaptation, when I read the hp books I basically just defaulted to shipping whatever was canon. Luckily for me, the canon hp ships are actually pretty good ones! If you ignore the canaries in the room. (I. Do not. Famously. Well. Infamously.) As for Hinny, whilst its a garbage ship name, the pairing itself is pretty great <3

10. kaljdflkasdt thank god I don't remember jack shit about watching glee for the first time! the sieve brain is a blessing in this one occasion. I've already mentioned in another (tagged <3) post my vaguely-relevant hsm ships, though, so..... hmm. What should I pick.... let's think.... I'm kidding. I don't need to think.

Shoker is a major missed opportunity in ME, and I've been mad about the choices for my fem!shep for YEARS because. Look. Kaiden she did not cheat on you. You left!! You accused her of being evil and fucked off after she was resurrected!! what else was she supposed to think other than 'guess he doesn't want to date me anymore. Rude.' And. You could have sex with Jack but not romance her, that was locked to male characters >:| biphobia [Jack can have sexual relations with women, but her only real connections are to men. Rude!]. And, Liara in my games always turned herself down for romance because she assumed my shep wanted to date Kaiden because she's not a total dick to him and there's no way for me to clarify otherwise, also people making assumptions :/ not great. Plus Li becomes the shadow broker and it's a whole thing, so that doesn't really work out narratively for me anyway. Can't romance Miranda. Can't romance Tali (wouldn't anyway - Tali/Garrus <3). Refuse to romance Garrus that is just so platonic a dynamic it's not even funny. Jacob cheats and dips, so fuck him. Like... all of the fem!shep romances are terrible (or Trainor, I guess, but she's... kind of. Nobody. She's Just There. Sorry. It's not narratively interesting enough for me.) and Joker was right there and augh. Augh! Still ship. Still mad about it. Hatboy Project is doing the lord's work! I salute thee soldier in thine endeavours. Waiting to replay LE until it's been finished <3.

<3

If anyone wants to pick this up, go for it!

[unsleepingtales]

Happy holidays from all of us here on fantasy high tumblr.

Coming back to the top having just finished the ep. I feel insane. ANYWAY.

Our name is ally brennan beardsley mulligan!!

I AM FRIENDS WITH PETE WENTZ FROM FALL OUT BOY WHO IS WANDA CHILDA’S (RECENT) EX BOYFRIEND???????

Ok glad we’re talking about spies tongue curse. Bc what was that

Oh my god this episode is three hours long

Sklonda what’s your goal here bestie

I’m really distracted rn so not many notes are being taken I’m definitely gonna have to rewatch this episode over the weekend

But god all the soil stuff is weird

Something in his office??? Something like maybe the mirror where baron first appeared??

Yeah just throwing energy into external things to avoid feeling your own feelings. Is a thing that happens.

THANK YOU RIZ please please talk about the students freaking out

Oh godddddd the soil it all comes back to minerals and soil somehow ok

Diamondized blood 😭

I love tired Adaine she’s trying her bestttt

Goddd the bad girls are everything to me. They are every triad ever.

You’re giving the identity spell a stroke guys

Holy SHIT Beardsley

Oooooooh DOME COLOR CHANGE

Saint Kristen Applebees motherfuckers

Okay that’s horrifying!

Ok so that was fun

Zac is SO smart

‘Gorgug….. so good’

Godly whale fall……… Zac Oyama your mind

It’s like burning man 😭

Burning Man as Whale Fall. Maybe I’ll write the paper.

Planeshift is a spell guysssss you have used it before

The way he talks to her makes her mad!!!!!

Cassandraaaaaaaaaa

Gorgug <3

Your enemy the beekeeper!

THANK YOU FOR TALKING ABOUT IT

Yeah Fabian probably does not want to go to Aelwyn’s house

Riding a scooter. Classic Adaine.

Devastating.

OOF

Yeesh.

Yeah the last friends Aelwyn had we’re not good!

🚨🚨 ZAYN MENTION 🚨🚨 Zayn my best friend Zayn Darkshadow 🖤🖤🖤

Brennan’s physicality as Aelwyn is so funny

Aelwyn and Fabian leave it alone!!! Don’t!!

What? No! No! What? What? What? No!

One thing about Ally Beardsley is they’re gonna talk about Joe Biden.

They’re good crimes? You’re having fun with the crimes? Come do crimes with us!

Aelwyn librarian era??

Holy shit Emily

What the fuckkkkkk

Absolute dream terrorist Figueroth Faeth

Gertie my beloved!

Dark red honey oooh

Kristen x Gertie let’s goooooo

HELLO????????

OKAY I GUESS THATS HAPPENING FANTASTIC LOVE THAT FOR BOTH OF THEM

Also that makes Gertie campaigning for Kipperlilly 100x funnier

Whattttttt

I need fic. STAT.

Yayyyy a bit of financial breathing room for Riz

Mazey!

My mind’s still back in the cafeteria I can’t wait to see fantasy high tumblr’s response to Kristen and Gertie

Do NOT get tracker. NO.

Oooh so we finally have info on the bylaws

Where did you get wanda childa’s resume???????

He’s really committed to the neck tattoo thing huh.

They’re all so good. They’re just good.

Gorgug!!!!

THEY FINALLY REALIZED!!!!

We’ve been sooooooo intense about it I wasn’t even sure if they had realized lol

Ok! Nephew. Interesting.

Henry helped build Grix. Ok.

Henryyyyyyyyy

God we can’t trust any of the teachers really. That’s so depressing.

God if only you could actually just go let’s end the meeting right there every time you were uncomfortable

The ENTIRE family is going yeah

THEYRE BRINGING ZAYNNNNNNNN

I’m so glad they’re bringing Zayn my best friend in the world Zayn Darkshadow

His art makes me so fucking happy.

Ooh good thinking Siobhan

Telemaine oh boy

Oh god

Gilear time!!!!

(haunted and suspicious)

Awww she called him dad

Sometimes Brennan just says shit

He really had to get rid of the puppy fast

She killed my god- NO- fine. She helped my god die.

That actually makes so much sense. Once things are good after they’ve been bad for ages you don’t know who you are without the bad things

It’s me fig! From the phone!

(all talking at once about Kristen’s kisses)

What

What??

Babe how could we not clown

RIZBERT

We could have been calling you rizbert this entire time

WHAT????

Telemaine leave Riz alone

RUVINA?????? Winter in fallinel for the first time in eons????? Ruvina maybe??

Oh yeah the name of the religion is literally wolfSONG

Fantasy Hamilton

It’s so funny that they’re calling her bee girl bc there’s an npc named bee boy in my current campaign that we all love SO much

Aelwyn. Babe.

Gorgug white knuckling the railing to avoid Telemaine

There is NOT an option for under 18s on any kink dating app

Sandra Lynnnnnnnn I would be so good to you you don’t even know

Okay but wasn’t Gilear cursed way before he put the armor on???? This is what keeps tripping me up. Gilear’s life was like this before.

My only daughter in the world 😭😭😭

Fig. Fig honey. That’s not. That’s.

Fig and Sandra Lynn. They fuck me up so bad.

Sandra Lynn Faeth the woman that you are………….

Zayn is coming to the church! Zayn Darkshadow my best friend in the world!!!

SPY’S TONGUE

Ohhhhhhhh okay

I love that it’s canon that Aelwyn and Zayn are wizard buddies who worked for Kalina together

Using devil’s nectar too much causes you to to believe your own lies. Fabulous.

Divinity is so weird

Name heist?

Winter Break! I believe in you!!

Kristen. Kristennnnnn

Narnia Burning Man 😭

Oh god

Oh god!

She will be risen!

It is SO cold

OUCH

Guys what the hell is going on

Yeah of COURSE she’s deeply bothered. Kristen is doing the same thing to her that she did earlier. They bother each other. They need each other to understand.

This kills me. This kills me so deeply.

Ohhh thank you for thinking about Ruvina

They’re BEST FRIENDS

They’re rolling initiative to decide who goes first in secret sylvan. I’m gonna fucking cry.

ADAINE THATS SO SWEET

Fabian. Fabian this is actually so nice. Please think about this. It will make them not attack you. Adaine wanted to help you with your fear.

Fabian we know you can give good gifts

Murph is running a tight ship on secret sylvan

(attempted tearing noises)

That’s actually really nice

They’re tactical!!!!!!

I love this so much

That’s so nice oh my god Kristen you know Riz so well

They love each other so much

GORGUG HAD FIG IN SECRET SYLVAN. Be still my figgorgug heart.

Brennan stopppppppppp

The intense zoom on Ally doing this.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Is she like me.

Zaynnnnnnn

Sorry I’m incredibly not normal about Zayn Darkshadow I’m sure you couldn’t tell from how I react when he has .5 seconds of screen time

Girl WHAT

God they’re good

Riz Gukgak!!

IS THIS WHERE CASSANDRA WAS MARRIED

Dig bitch!

Oooooooooooh baby

Adaine I love you

Oh fuck oh god oh fuck

Zayn nooooooooo

Oh god why

KRISTEN

The idea of watching the moon get fuller is really cool

Oh god

MIRRORS?

Somehow I completely forgot baron was in this episode. I was so distracted I forgot what was coming.

Awww Cassandra is protecting her paladin

Oh my god this is insane

Oh no oh no oh no

Don’t break a mirror don’t do that not right now not here

Oh my god?????

They’re married <3

BARON HELPING??!

BARON ART BARON ART BARON ART

Is Zayn okay :(

You can’t ALL go in the briefcase can you???

WARDING BOND 😭😭😭😭 oh my god I can’t handle that

Death bond <3

What the fuckkkkkkkkk

Hello???????

NAT 20 DEX SAVE FROM KRISTEN APPLEBEES

Where the fuck are they.

Ooooh fig’s bedroom art!

How did this happen.

BARON MINI NEXT WEEK

[mcl4r3n]

Thing are looking up for them but there’s a lot of reminiscing about how things were and not a lot of moving forward, they’re still at the frienship stage. After the first two races they’re back to Monaco and Daniel decides to properly take him to dinner. He’s picking him up and then Lando rocks up in enchanté merch casually and Daniel can’t stop staring at him he’s barely able too keep his eyes on the road. That’s the first time in months there’s been sexual tension. They get to the restaurant and they talk about testing and cars etc but once they’re a few glasses in the tension is higher and the conversation deeper. Daniel asks if Lando slept with another man after they ended things, cause yk jealousy again. And Lando just responds with ’did you?’ And Daniel goes ’I tried, but it just wasn’t the same,’ and the truth was Daniel didn’t even get past the talking stage with that other dude. And then Lando says ’It’s only ever been you, for me’ and it’s an open statement it can be interpreted in many ways but Daniel can’t help but exhale a sigh of relief because fuck he loves Lando so much. ’I want to try- properly this time, would you give me another chance,’ Daniel says and it’s so vulnerable and of course Lando says yes. They go back to Daniel’s place and Daniel carries Lando to bed, he spends so much time just kissing him everywhere and it drives Lando crazy but it’s okay cause they’re back and this time Lando knows it’s for real

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹😭😭😭🥹🥹 NONNIE IM GONNA GO FUCKING INSANE!!!!!!!!

FOLLOW UP TO THIS OTHER MESSAGE FROM ANON!!!!

God like okay so. Daniel spends sooooooo much time just kissing him, and every time Daniel tries to pull away from his mouth lando's chasing him again, just wants to keep kissing him honestly. Danny's hands are just on his waist and danny is kissing him so deeply and so gently, and lando takes daniel's hands and puts them on his ASS and daniel takes a shuddering breath against his lips and then squeezes and then presses his hips against lando's and lando's head is spinning because daniel is HARD against him after almost a year of not touching, almost a year of being without this.

Daniel's muttering against his cheek, breathing heavy, whispering "fuck. Fuck, babe—lando, i missed you so much."

And lando hears the pet name, tells daniel to call him baby again, and daniel just groans, kisses lando's cheeks and his chin and his neck and says "baby, baby, god, i've wanted you so bad."

They take it so, so slowly, danny peeling lando's clothes off one by one, daniel spending extra time on his nipples and they've both been so hard for so long now but lando doesnt hurry because all of it feels so good.

Daniel blows him and lando says he's close but instesd of pulling off, danny swallows every drop which he didn't used to do and then he eats lando out and lando's over sensitive but he's not gonna stop him, he's got tears in his eyes, and when daniel tries to leave to get a condom, but lando doesnt let him leave, and daniel's just like going insane. And daniel is so. . . vulnerable and timid and lando says "danny please. Please." And so daniel does, enters him raw and they're face to face and it's overwhelming and so good and danny admits that he doesn't know if he can last very long and lando laughs and says do you think i will??

And yeah, neither of them last very long, but it's so perfect and so good and danny finishes inside him and they're both just soooooo. Soooo!!!!

They fall asleep messy and tangled in each other and in the morning when lando wakes up daniel is still there and they both kinda smell and everything but lando wakes him up slowly with kisses to his chest, his cheek, and daniel opens his eyes, confused and groggy at first, but then he realizes where he is and who he's with and he smiles sleepy and soft and lando just.

"I love you, danny."

And daniel frowns, why the fuck is he frowning, and oh god, he's CRYING, he's fucking crying and lando's stomach drops because did he say it too soon, did daniel change his mind, and daniel just hugs him. Presses kisses into lando's curls. And then through his snot he says "i love you. I love you. I fucking love you."

[halfelven]

Arwen, Elladan & Elrohir for the character bingo? :D

Love the way you write the peredhel and your thoughts on them generally!!

- main of @olorinestel

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

repeating i do not have a saviour complex i do not have a saviour complex i do not have a saviour complex (< lying)

okayyyyyyy sooooooo. let’s start with arwen. when i first heard the goes to lie down alone in an empty land to die story i didn’t speak for several hours and i was still feel the pain of it and can taste the scent of fallen pine needles and see the golden sun on the warm bark of the shaking trees. i’m screaming and crying and throwing up. she is not like me. i do not get the falling in love thing. i’m checking mommy and daddy issues bc of what happened to her mom and the whole separation thing with her dad. i do think they were great parents

also she is insane. and it’s so good. especially with piercing gazes striking little hobbits and all that. close connections to her insane grandparents. whatever the hell is going on with her and aragorn. obsessed.

look elladan and elrohir came out the same but i’ll go with elrohir first

here’s where i do NOT have a saviour complex comes in. i did not read about them at five years old and dream of knowing violence and loneliness and peril to save people.

anyways babe gets mommy reasons for obvious reasons. daddy issues bc of the immortality or not reasons. do i think he would actually punch me? doubtful. but he’d probably stop me if it were the wild and he didn’t know if he could trust me. i didn’t choose my name partially bc it’s similar to his btw. i didn’t pretend i was elrohir and my sister was elladan and still have our nicknames set from theirs in my phone btw.

i don’t give a fuck what tolkien says!!! his name is star-rider!!! and it’s a tribute to earendil. tolkien can fucking fight me!!!!

god riding through the wilderness to tell aragorn hey daddy says we should go through the paths of the dead. elvish wights. dark magic and a fucking ghost army. i’m sooooo normal about him. i can’t picture every detail of his clothes and i have never pretended hallucinations were him until i wasn’t scared of them anymore. never had dreams about him that don’t even feel like dreams either. i’m so sane and normal. i don’t hate him because the self imposed pain he takes to protect the world hits too close. don’t relate to saving my mother from torments but not being able to save her either.

on to elladan

same mommy and daddy issues. again he probably wouldn’t actually punch me but maybe he would under certain circumstances.

i included a lot of the insanity when talking about his brother because they go together in a lot of that. also never had super weird dreams about him that took too long and had too much reading in them. only normal dreams.

but seriously i think the immortal thing with half elves goes a bit to their head. like the being able to live for thousands of years but you could drop it? insane.

also gonna fight tolkien bc i swear all three of them were kids at the same time. like seriously fight me tolkien. (i think i could take him)

again i’m soooooo normal about him. nothing about throwing everything aside to make my life about a singular purpose (or maybe not singular. protection and revenge. also you have to look at orcs as metaphors for this to work*)

stopping now or this will be too long. have to put it under a cut as is

*i like my ideas of what orcs are better than tolkien’s. i actually much prefer a few of my systems in fantasy to his. and i prefer my own fantasy world to his over all

thank you for the ask and for liking how i write them!!! they are some of the characters that got me through a lot of things and i will always love them even if i also write them suffering

[mermaidsirennikita]

IAD Hero Power Rankings: Part... V?

Almost forgot that a new sexy babe entered the villa and took over today!!!

Rydstrom Woede, demon (king), Kiss of a Demon King

Pros:

--called Sabine a "good girl" even when she's actually being a bad girl

--is explicitly a dom

--the first time he smiles is after she flips him off

--is into spanking

--takes Sabine to a bar and everyone leaves the bar because she's evil and he's all "awwww baby I don't understand why they don't like you :(" when she's committed, like, war crimes... down ridiculous...

--his big comeback to his enemy is like "lmao well I'm about to make your girl's eyes roll back in her head SOOOOOOO EAT IT CUCK"

--has two elaborate fantasies in this novel: a) suspending Sabine from the ceiling and edging her until he lets her grind against his face B) watching Sabine cuddle their cute baby. The duality of demon king

Cons:

--I mean I guess he did some pretttttyyyyy dubious shit to Sabine, but only after she did them to him

--met a woman and became her friend and talked to her for days and literally didn't remember fucking her once until she reminded him.... I thought it was funny

--that time he went at Sabine's tits for so long that the next day she was all "THEY HURT SO BAD" so I assume he was like a newborn baby or something

--"I don't have any fetishes!!!!" has every fetish known to man

--was so down ridiculous that he went to try and kill himself to save her... this is a pro... but I'm gonna pretend it's a con

--is pretty hard on Cade who was just trying!!! his!!! best!!!!!!!!!! but again this is only mildly a con because his disappointed dad thing is hot

2. Conrad Wroth, vampire, Dark Needs at Night’s Edge

Pros:

–exceedingly good at removing obstacles between him and what he wants

–a virgin and SUPER embarrassed about it in a way that is INCREDIBLY precious (when he finally fucked this woman and went “So I was good?” I almost fucking wept)

–murder puppy only wants death and blood (until he discovers………… other things)

–a natural born dirty talker

–BABY BOY…. BABY BOY…./EVIL

Cons:

–has erectile dysfunction for a significant part of his book, he gets better but I was so sad for him

–I mean, is fully insane and wants to murder his entire family, but nobody’s perfect and Nikolai kinda deserves it

–wears sunglasses indoors

–got aroused while buying underwear for her and had to limp home

–made Bowen MacRrieve sad and that makes me really upset because I love Bowen MacRieve

3. Bowen MacRieve, werewolf, Wicked Deeds on a Winter’s Night

Pros:

–is a werewolf general

–was celibate for 1200 years after his lover got so scared of his wolf form that she gored herself on a tree stump (lmao)

–spent those 1200 years trying to bring her back to life

–great at catching and preparing seafood

–breeding kink (wants to put all the bairns in Mariketa)

–kinda into bondage…?

–gets hard at the thought of Mariketa’s carnage, even when he is the carnage

–update pro: gets sent to a party by himself so that Mariketa can run an errand and just sits there confused and miserable at the bar by himself waiting for her to show up even though he knows people there; I imagine this is much like that SNL skit about a dog park for boyfriends, where the shy boyfriend hides under a picnic table

Cons:

–kind of a fuckboy (will say his dead lover’s name when he comes, ONE TIME, but “Mariketa” and “Mariah” begin similarly so)

–doesn’t like it when Mariketa chant incantations into her mirror because it creeps him out

–breeding kink (casually tries to get her to stop taking birth control)

–makes fun of Mariketa’s vibrator, even if I found that actually hilarious

4. Lachlain MacRieve, werewolf, A Hunger Like No Other

Pros:

–chewed his own leg off to get to Emma, pinned her to the ground in broad daylight, and inhaled her neck like a fucking FREAK

–actually pretty good at being the werewolf king (saves Bowen from his own stupidity multiple times, much daddy, very authoritative)

–saw Emma kill her own dad and basically swooned

–is absolutely down to get his blood sucked… through his penis (I believe he says that’s the only way he’ll accept BJs now…?)

–gets by on missing 150 years of progression purely on intimidation, which I personally find deeply sexy

Cons:

–I mean yes Lachlain is one of the rape-iest IAD heroes even if most of that was werewolf instinct and burning alive for 150 years

–doesn’t know how to use an iPod

–but will max out your credit cards

–a werewolf supremacist (is this a bad thing…?)

–says “Kiss me like you want to live” which I guess I should put as a con because it’s non-consensual but whatever I was dow–

5. Cadeon Woede/“Cade the Kingmaker”, demon, Dark Desires After Dusk

Pros:

–extremely loyal to his brother (which I found cute)

–orders ahead to get pre-packaged food for Holly to accommodate her OCD, while helping her Walk on the Wild Side

–was the first guy to 69 with his heroine in this series

–stalked Holly for like a year (stalking is love)

–gets adorably tongue-tied around her, but not in a lame way

Cons:

–lied to Holly for like… that entire book lmao (even though it was fun)

–is called the Womb Raider for a reason, apparently (a little tooooo potent)

–sort of fucks with Holly’s birth control, in the sense that he made sure she was super fertile, but to be fair Holly did not… actually… take birth control

–threw out Holly’s OCD meds, though I chalk this up to the year the book was published

–just sort of drove around giving Holly head for WEEKS while Rydstrom was getting sexually tortured, so like…. maybe doesn’t have GREAT priorities…. maybe has the best priorities… Rydstrom was fine…

6. Nikolai Wroth, vampire, The Warlord Wants Forever

Pros:

–deeply efficient and good at his job (being a bloodthirsty warlord), which turns his mate on as much as it should literally everyone else

–scars all over

–very family-oriented, which means he’s extreeeeemely daddy, and very much uses that in the bedroom

–will try to make nice with your bitchy sisters for you

–is receptive to therapy, even if the therapist was his beaten and bruised brother whose advice was basically “do better”

Cons:

–did steal Myst’s chain and used it to make her come on command; which, while I liked it, was very much non-consensual

–insecure about Myst’s history as the greatest femme fatale of the last couple millennia (though he gets better and decides to be a sex-positive feminist)

–that time that he turned his little brothers into vampires against their will

–was so down bad that he literally started to waste away when Myst didn’t let him get off for five years

–does not properly heat his manor

7. Sebastian Wroth, vampire, No Rest for the Wicked

Pros:

–basically a virgin when he meets Kaderin

–Gentleman in the Streets Freak in That Random Nightclub Where He SNAPS

–joined the mile high club remarkably fast

–throws out all his principles for her

–Speaks Like Dracula but in a “I vant to suck your clit” way

Cons:

–borderline beta, or as beta as a murderous centuries old vampire warlord can be

–a little tooooo accommodating of Kaderin’s bullshit

–could have been more demanding, to be honest (Bowen and Lachlain would noooot have been as patient as he was, which some would like but I was a little weary of)

[moonchildstyles]

that “🤕” anon will be the death of me. their asks are always soooo 🫦 like keep at it babe i’m loving it

also i agree w anon. miss moon is one of the best there is on here i’m serious i love ur writing and account sm. it’s always a joy to visit and read thru ur page whenever i have the time

yeah 🤕 bestie is clinically insane but they've changed my life:)))))))))

but omg thank you so much really it means sooooooo much to me that you guys enjoy like being here on my page and like my writing and have taken the time to like get to know me and hang out and everything really it means so much to me :(

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

Welcome To The World, LittleBean: A Life Update

Dear Future Husband,

My sister had the baby! And it made me depressed.

I kind of receded from the world for a couple of weeks and stopped talking to people I enjoy talking to, and stopped doing things I enjoy doing, and kind of stayed in my room unless it was absolutely necessary to leave.

Why, might you ask, would I have done such a thing as a response to such a happy event?

Well, for some of the reasons I've written about previously. The emotional weight of the sadness that comes along with seeing a younger sibling live through something you yourself desire but feel you'll never have, is probably the biggest.

But another reason I've been really down is because of my mother.

Dear old MotherLivelyHeart has problems.

I think I've mentioned this previously, but if/when I marry, I will most definitely be marrying INTO a family and as "out" of my own as I possibly can.

MotherLivelyHeart suffers from anxiety and depression. Shocker, I know.

In fact, my inner voice is comprised mainly of her criticism and negativity. Shocker, I know.

Dear old MotherLivelyHeart has never really wanted to be a mother, as far as I can tell. Shocker? ...I dunno.

When I was growing up, my mother used to always say "I only had children for the grandkids" and everyone would laugh. But HAHA! it wasn't a joke. I figured out pretty early on that she was kind of serious with that statement.

But nothing in my life confirmed that until she was on the phone with her machutanim on the day LittleBean was born and repeated that sentiment to them.

So, all my life, she's struggled with being the parent she never wanted to be in order for us to have offspring that she could love and adore and spoil and then send home to their parents without having to parent herself.

THIS is the "home" I came from.

THIS is the parenting I received.

It's absolutely no wonder I'm so screwed up.

My mother has been overbearing my entire life. And a lot of it comes from her own insecurities and anxieties and lack of the world living up to her expectations. Which is kind of understandable.

The problem comes when those expectations come at the cost of other peoples' comfort and safety.

LilSis had a c-section. The baby wasn't exactly breached, but was flipped at a weird angle and stuck. The baby was also a meconium baby, so while it was already over a week past the due date, LilSis thought she still had time. But as it turned out there wasn't any time because when she went for what she thought was a routine check up, they induced her and after two days of labor and nothing happening, they did the c-section.

Now, LilSis made it clear earlier this year that she didn't want anyone at the hospital with her aside from her doula and husband. No visitors, family included. The rest of us seemed to accept this, but MotherLivelyHeart just kind of smirked and went, "yeah, ok, we'll see about that."

And I get that LilSis is her baby.

I get that it's not easy to see your child suffer.

I get that she's been waiting her whole life to be a grandmother.

I get that she's had expectations about what it would be like to meet her grandchildren, especially her first grandchild.

I. GET. IT.

But when LilSis facetimed and showed us the baby and B"H the baby looked fine but LilSis was clearly too pale and weak and dizzy and needed to get off the phone, but again repeated that she didn't want anyone coming to the hospital, dear old MotherLivelyHeart's response was that she wanted to "surprise" them at the hospital.

"I don't need to ask permission."

"I'm not a 'visitor', I'm her MOTHER."

"I don't need permission to see my own daughter."

"I know what she needs, I'll just drop it off, give her a hug and leave."

"I don't need to see her, I just want to see the baby."

UHM, NOOOOOOOOO.

Your daughter is almost 30.

She's been married for over half a decade.

She has a right to her space and her boundaries for her little nuclear family and YOU ARE CROSSING THEM by even THINKING that would be acceptable.

And the next day, my mother called LilSis and asked her about something she wanted to bring with her. LilSis made it clear that she didn't want anyone to come. When my mother didn't seem to get this, my brother in law texted her a kind "now isn't a good time" message and my mother felt "ganged up on".

She went into a tailspin.

"They don't like me."

"What did I ever do to them that they hate me so much?"

"I've been dissed and dismissed."

"They've cut me out of their lives."

And sooooooo many other thoughts along those lines.

There isn't even enough space here to describe all the insane things she did as a response to this "rejection" she was experiencing.

She was 100000000000% projecting her own thoughts, expectations, and experiences with her own c-section onto LilSis and the whole situation was absurd.

Then LittleBean ended up back in the hospital because of some complications and LilSis and her husband still wanted space.

Now, what MotherLivelyHeart doesn't know, because I will never tell her, is that I saw LittleBean before she did.

Because I'm actually supportive and respectful of boundaries, when they got home LilSis and her husband allowed me to come by and drop stuff off, and run some errands for them (while they were still keeping overbearing MotherLivelyHeart at arms length). So I met LittleBean like 3 or 4 times. And the babes is absolutely precious. <3

LilSis and her husband finally let MotherLivelyHeart over this past week to meet LittleBean and help out and it's like a switch was flipped. Suddenly everything for MotherLivelyHeart is sunshine and rainbows and I legit can't handle the mood swings.

But I digress....

One night last week I drove around and cried and screamed for an hour.

It absolutely sucks when you have no one to talk to.

Which brings me to the next part of my life update:

I finally spoke to a therapist.

So, I thought I was ghosted by the therapist I wanted to speak to. It took a few days, but he finally responded there was an issue with his online scheduler and he needed me to reschedule.

Fine, whatever.

I rescheduled for two weeks from that date (which had already been rescheduled from two weeks prior). So, now it's been a month and a half.

Fine, whatever.

Well, my meeting with him ended up being earlier this week. As it turns out, this therapist I wanted to speak to isn't taking on new clients at the moment, so he was acting more as triage for his practice and had a 15 minute zoom call with me before picking a therapist from his practice he thought I'd connect with.

So the next night I had an hour and a half zoom call with her and she's absolutely lovely and has experience working with children and adults who have experienced similar situations to the one I'm in.

For $120 I had my thought processes and experiences validated.

But that's pretty much it.

She told me I sound pretty level headed and understand what's healthy and what's not healthy in my life and in my past (which is one of the problems with being an overthinker, overanalyzer, and having done extensive research to try and figure out WTF is wrong with me), and she told me there are some exercises to try and reduce stress because it's clear that I'm overstressed and have been since I was a child, and even possibly since birth.

But these are all things I knew already. These are all things I've validated for myself. Yes, it's nice to hear a specialist say the same things, but for $120!?

I literally had to use unemployment money to pay for that. Unemployment that I'm going to have to end pretty soon.

How on EARTH am I supposed to be able to afford continued therapy when it costs so bloody much!?

It's absolutely awful that the people who need therapy the most are the ones who can't afford it.

And I found an organization that claims to help anyone who asks without needing an explanation, so I messaged them a brief "my life is a mess and I need to talk to a therapist. I found someone I think I can connect with, but it costs $120." and they sent me $10.

They said they help anyone who asks without an explanation.

I gave a valid explanation with a specific amount requested.

And they sent me $10.

It just so often feels like I'm banging my head against a wall.

Like I'm a joke to Hashem.

This random organization was like a beacon in the dark. A sign from Hashem that if I reach out for help, I can receive it.

He put this organization into my path and awareness just at the time that I needed it.

All so that He could mock me.

OF COURSE the therapy practice I chose doesn't take insurance.

Not that it would help, because my OBAMAdoesntCARE has been PENDING SINCE OCTOBER.

So OF COURSE I have to pay out of pocket.

And OF COURSE it costs so damn much.

And OF COURSE when I reach out for help I get laughed at.

What did they think I was supposed to do with the $10?

That's literally 1/12 of what I needed.

Even the Torah has us give more than that in maaser.

I legitimately don't understand.

Where do I have to go and what do I have to do to get a sugar daddy to pay for this so I can get my goddamn life in order!?

I'm literally drowning out here and God is throwing me half-deflated pool floaties.

On the bright side, I keep making amazing non-Jewish internet friends.

Do you know how much that sucks?

That I'm literally getting more support from non-Jewish internet friends that live halfway across the world than I am from my own community?

And it sucks even more to know that Hashem put those people into my path too!!

He literally keeps giving me things that He knows will make me feel worse because they make me feel better but also disconnected from the Jewish community, and not giving me things that would make me feel better and closer to Him and the Jewish community.

What am I supposed to do with that knowledge!?

I've often wondered if maybe I just wasn't meant to be Jewish. Like maybe there was some mistake and my mother isn't really Jewish and therefore I'm not Jewish and this is Hashem's way of telling me that I just need to separate myself from the Jewish world and go seek a secular life because that's truly who I'm supposed to be.

Except that my parents were married by a really chashuv community rav who did his research and would not have married my parents if there'd been even one safek as to her Jewishness.

And so, I'm stuck.

I'm stuck feeling constantly disconnected from the community that's supposed to be my rock and support. By the God who's supposed to be merciful and kind.

It's exhausting.

Are you out there? Do you feel the same? Are you a BT or ger or someone else who has lived both lives and can explain to me why yiddishkeit is better?

I have too much Jewish guilt to walk away from any of this, but I have too much mental stress to keep striving to be a part of it.

It's utterly exhausting to be stuck in the middle.

I hope you're doing better than I am.

-LivelyHeart

[krreader]

BTS reacting to you telling them how much you love them while you’re drunk.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: language ; sex ; mentions of oral sex genre: crack ; smut ; fluff

a/n: thank you bb! I hope you like your request too!

ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter | ko-fi | youtube (coming soon - I hope lol)

kim seokjin

Jin was pretty sure that this was against the rules of bachelorette parties, but he wouldn't let you take a taxi in this state. By picking you up personally, he could at least ensure that you would get into bed safely.

“What?” he chuckled as you kept staring at him.

“You have no fucking idea of how much I love you, Seokjin,” you said in the most honest and calm voice, despite being so utterly drunk.

Jin immediately started smiling, turning his head when he stopped at a red light to cup your cheek.

“You know, Jagi.. you're so cute, even when you're drunk.”

You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes for a moment, “I'm so happy we're getting married.”

Yeah.. so was he.

min yoongi

“Yooooongi,” Yoongi tried to shut his eyes tighter together, but that was kind of hard when someone's knee was pressing into his crotch area.

“Ouch, what the hell are you doing,” he slid you away from him, “Have you been drinking?”

“I love you sooooooooo much, Yoongi,” you smiled, crawling towards him again and pulling the blankets down, your hand suddenly massaging his dick, “And I love your penis sooooooo, so much.”

“Shit,” his head fell back, his body reacting before his brain could, “No, wait.. no, no, no, you're drunk, you shouldn't..-”

But you were already pulling down his shorts and when your lips wrapped around his dick, there was nothing else he could do besides moan.

If you wanted to treat him, then so be it.

jung hoseok

“Okay, okay, I'll give it to you, your husbands are pretty nice,” you fell against Hoseok's chest, him and the rest of his former members chuckling at how drunk you and the rest of the girls were while they had decided not to drink tonight because they would drive home, “But mine? Fuck, mine is the hottest in the universe.”

“Pfffft, you're biased,” another one said.

“Hell yeah,” you grinned up at Hobi, “He's my ultimate bias.”

“Oh my god, you really need to stop drinking,” he kissed your forehead, still, a happy and proud smile was present throughout the rest of the night.

kim namjoon

“Namjoooooon,” you poked into his cheek, Namjoon's arm immediately tightening around your waist.

“You okay, babe?”

“Jimin and I have been drinking red wine for the past two hours and I think I'm drunk,” you giggled, “And now I want you to fuck me.”

“That's.. no, babe. We're not going to have sex right now,” he brushed his hand over his face and instantly grabbed your hands when they began to wander, “You're going to fall asleep now, okay?”

“But I want an orgasm, Joonie,” you pouted, “Because you're a sex god. And the hottest guy I have ever seen in my entire life..”

“That's very sweet of you, but I won't change my mind, no matter how much you whine.”

And oh boy, did you whine. But only until you threw up. Then you were whining for an entirely different reason.

park jimin

Jimin and you were on your honeymoon, sitting outside and watching the sun set as various empty glasses were on the table in front of you. One of his arms was around your shoulder, the other hand was holding another drink.

He was actually fine, it was you that was fucked.

“Jimin?” you looked up at him, smiling at him like he was the only sun that mattered to you.

“Hm?”

“Do you know that you're the love of my life?”

“Really?” he chuckled, "Why don't you tell me?”

“You're the beeeest thing that ever happened to me. You're handsome, sexy, cute, attractive, the best lover I've eeeever had..-”

“Ooooh,” he chuckled and put down his drink, “Is that so?”

“Mhm,” you giggled when he started kissing your neck.

And before you knew it, he was sleeping with you on the terrace.

Hopefully none of your neighbors was out right now as well, because drunk you apparently liked to be louder than you normally were.

kim taehyung

“THAT'S MY BOYFRIEND!” you screamed as Taehyung finally entered the club, stumbling against him, “Hey baby boy..-”

“You're drunk,” he sighed, looking at your friends who looked just as drunk as you were.

“It's a birthday party and the drinks were freeeee,” you giggled, wrapping your arms around him as you kissed him sloppily, “I missed you so much, Tae.”

“Come on, let's go home..-”

But even on your way to the car, you did not stop talking for a second.

“I love you so much.. it's insane,” you sighed, wrapping your arms tighter around his middle, “And you're miiiiine.”

“I really don't like it when you drink so much, you know? I'm always worried about you..”

“You're worried?” and when you started crying, he picked you up like a bride with a heavy sigh, “I really have the best boyfriend in the world.”

jeon jeongguk

Even if his days in BTS were over and he would be getting married in two months didn't mean that he was out of the industry.

Take today. You and Jeongguk had been invited to an award show and while he was sitting somewhere in the audience, you were backstage with a few other guys and girls that were dating idols, drinking your night away.

And Jeongguk only knew how much you’ve actually had to drink, when he saw you again two hours later.

“Jeongguk! (Y/N) told us how good you are at oral sex,” a friend of yours said with a giggle, “Think you can teach my husband? He’s horrible at it.”

“I.. think we should go home now,” he gently pulled you away from the woman and then towards the car, “What the hell?!”

“What? I was only telling everyone how great you are and how happy you make me.. in every aspect of our relationship. And let's be real,” you giggled, waiting to be in the car before you pulled him in for a kiss, “You're the best at making me cum with your tongue..”

Fuck. Now he would have to drive home with a boner..

[xhaotixaesthetica]

College! Jaebum x Kinda Mad Genius! Reader

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator 

You are in: a genetic mutation of Gaia, the dwarf planet 

look at this cute ass idiot ugh my heart

so WE’RE GONNA SPICE HIS AU UP A BIT totally not because I’m already sick of the same reader inserts, just enjoy this as a story and don’t complain pls

in this au you’re an astrophysics and computer programming major, minoring in bioengineering

in other words, you’re smart af

like you’re one of those child prodigy kids

Graduated high school early and took a bunch of AP's and CLEP tests so you’re way ahead and somewhere in between a junior and a senior but since you’re so young, you just say you’re a junior

you literally have the IQ of a genius and a bunch of Ivy league schools got in a fight over you but you were like nah nah i want something fUn so you came to SEOUL WOO HOO

you get A's in everything without even trying but that's OK because it leaves more room for you to do more SCIENCE

currently in a polyamorous relationship between you, Math, and Science

you’re really fascinated by the complexity of the universe but at the same time really into physics and math so when you found out that astrophysics existed when you were like 12, you knew that was it for you

you barely have time to eat, much less be fashionable, so you wear pretty nothing but jeans, huge hoodies, Converse, and a super hero t-shirt underneath (same but just because i’m too broke to dress nice)

with good brains comes bad everything else and you’re a hot fucking mess

clumsy, notes scattered all over the place, writing astrophysics shit in the margins of all your papers and doodling constellations on them while the professor lectures, it’s bad

you’re actually kind of extroverted and hyper but you just focus all that energy into astrophysics so everyone thinks you’re a hermit

you’re not obsessed with video games and comic books specifically, you’re just obsessed with space

like Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica, Ender's Game, Prey, Alien, Dead Space, and even Halo, you love em all, cause fuCkinGH spACE MAN same i’m a space gay

you aLwAyS pLaYS THE FUCKIN SPACE OVERTURE ON YOUR PHONE AND WALK IN SLOW MO INTO YOUR APARTMENT AND YOUR ROOMMATE IS LIKE I HAD TO WATCH THAT WITH MY OWN TWO EYES

always writing reminders on yourself but they only help 60% of the time because you’re a hot mess

you can play the harp and the sitar?? the most random ass instruments, you literally have your harp in your bedroom and your sitar in your lab and like they were gifts from one of your cousins and you’re really protective over them

whenever you have a mental block you sit cross-legged and start playing your harp/sitar and chanting OM or the lyrics to We Will Rock You and your roommates are like omg they really are a mad scientist

you don't mind relationships but like no one wants to be with you cause they think you’re kind of fucking insane so you try not to think about it and just blow stuff up in the chem lab

like you’re really excited, you’ll gladly talk to people and you’re really bubbly and happy and friendly but all you talk about is astrophysics??? and you’re not on like level one, no you started reading college level astrophysics books when you were 14, you’re like wayyyy past PhD level so it's like you’re speaking another language

and no one wants to hang out with you like they think it's cute how passionate you are and how fucking just warm and open you are but still no one wants to be around you cause you’re like some sort of mad scientist and they're not interested in what you’re talking about

but you keep a smile on your face and keep to your astrophysics even though you start to think something's wrong with you and start getting kinda sad

aw bby :’(

and tHEN THEY WERE ROOMMATES that's when Jaebum came along

Jaebum is majoring in Ancient Studies and minoring in Greek and he’s Captain of the Football Team

pretty much every male-attracted person likes him but ain't no one going near that boy cause he is T E R R I F Y I N G

wears all black and never says anything and then when you talk to him he just has this resting bitch face on with no expression and everyone's like I’ll I’ljust go now and he just continues reading

he’s always reading with his earbuds in, you bother him it's your funeral

and it's weird cause like he has friends a precious few and ppl know he's not cold with them so why’s he ALWAYS COLD AND APATHETIC TO EVERYONE ELSE LIKE YOU GOOD MATE???

knows he's terrifying and uses it to his advantage

has no problem glaring down people who reach for the same thing at the supermarket or try cutting in front of him at starbuck’s and they near shit themselves

does not give two shits about all the people staring at him all the time as long as they don't talk to him or interrupt his reading

stays at home unless he's at class, practice, or a game

on the Dean’s List, and a massive teacher’s pet

but still, people just like to admire him for his looks and gush about how mysterious he is and that really irks him cause no one wants to actually spend the time to get to know him he’s not even that mysterious, he’s actually a bit of a crackhead so he's like i don't need y'all i have the Gupta Dynasty to keep me company

youngjae and yugyeom rolling their eyes, like HeRe HyUnG GOES AGAIN

knows more about ancient worlds than the current world?? like sometimes mark catches him staring at technology like it's an alien concept and he's like dude you've had a cell phone since you were like 12, when was the last time you had a break from reading that, chill out for a second and come back to modern times

and jb just scoffs like i don't need your modern times and buries his head in the book again but he just wants someone who's able to talk about the present AND the past with him without ignoring one cause he thinks both are really important

anyways one day you were late to an 8am class and you were rushing and dropped some papers and Jaebum came across it and he was like what in ThE HELL IS THIS cause first of all it was almost completely illegible and then when he did manage to read it, he couldn't understand it cause it was real complex math and science shit and he looked at the name and he knew who you were cause you’re the campus genius and the campus crazy

so he hunts you down until he comes across your lab later on in the day and you’re frantically looking through your BILLIONS OF PILES of looseleaf paper and jb's just thinking about how much of a fit jinyoung would have if he saw this tomfoolery

and he handed you your stuff and you were so grateful and friendly and you reminded him of a crazier version of youngjae

he couldn't help but be curious when he saw the really complicated math and science going on on your paper and he was like what's that, how does it work, what's the history

for a full fifteen seconds, you looked at him like he was god incarnate and you like i'M gLaD yOu AsKeD

and you were talking really fast but the way your eyes lit up when you talked about astrophysics and the way the sun from the window illuminated your features jfc

jb didn't believe in love in first sight he swore he didn't

unless it was you

like even if you weren’t conventionally pretty and most people wouldn't even notice you, bummie didn’t care, it was like you were the goddamn sun or something

he stops you in the middle of explaining and he's like look you're going a bit too fast, so could you repeat what you said but just a lil bit . . . slower

and for a long moment, you were stunned jungshook because like this boi . . . this devastatingly handsome boy who blows everyone off and makes them wet their pants in fear wants to hear me rant to him about astrophysics

and he actually wants you to slow it down so he can understand instead of just pretending to listen

and like you may be a genius but JB just broke your brain for a second

but then you jump back into it like yeah sure

and jae honestly finds you fucking adorable like how excited you get about astrophysics and he actually finds himself interested in it and then he starts talking about ancient cultures and greek and you already kinda know everything he's talking about and enjoy the conversation and he's all heart eyes

gets protective over you after like 2 days???

you don't care, you’re just happy there's someone who thinks you’re interesting so you don't even notice him glaring at anyone who talks to you and always hanging around you to scare other guys off

tbh bummie doesn't really comprehend why people don't like being around you cause like??? you’re so fucking pretty and cute?? you took all his uwus reader

only takes like 10 days before JB finds out you’re really affectionate and you’re hugging and cuddling all the time but he actually???likes it

and soon he's the one begging you for cuddles and you’re like ( ^_^) ofc babe lemme just finish doing these calculations right quick and JB's like asdfghjkl did they just call me what i think they just called me

but like you guys are always hanging at your lab and since JB doesn't really talk except with you and his friends and you never talk about anything but astrophysics on the off chance she gets back to the dorm in time enough to talk at all no one knows that you guys are even hanging out

it's not long after that jae asks you out and he takes you to an amusement park and you have a FiElD dAy because sooooooo much math? and pretty colors? and cotton candy? and he's made you the happiest person ever and in that moment when he sees your face he just can't help himself like pls be my s/o and you’re like ASDFGHJKL ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME RIGHT NOW JFC OFC

and he just drops a bomb on his friends like they're all going out to dinner and he brings you and he's got his arm around your waist and he's just like guys meet my s/o and everyone's choking like S/O We ThOuGhT YoU wErE aRo oR sMtHiNG and for a minute they're so confused because no one even knew jaebum was talking to someone much less the mad scientist person when did this happen

and like they can see all throughout dinner that you’re really fucking strange but it's kind of cute and it makes bummie happy so Welcome to the Family, we have cookies

lol friends? nope, say goodbye to those, everyone is so terrified of bummie and his resting bitch face and them muscles that they refuse to come near you cause you’ve basically got Jaebum stamped on your forehead but that's ok because somehow you became really good friends with his friends and like you have this group chat that jae's not in specifically so they can share embarrassing things for you to tease him about later

but bummie highkey encourages it because if he pretends to get mad, you’ll play your harp for him and he loves that shit

jaebum will knock the living daylights out of anyone who mistreats you or makes you feel bad

like one time yall were walking back after a date and this dude grabbed your ass and was about to open his mouth to say some vulgar shit but he didn’t even get the chance before jaebum LEAPED ON HIM LIKE A FUCKING INSECT AND MOWED HIS ASS D O W N

jae had like two scratches on him meanwhile the dude on the floor probably needed a goddamn ambulance and he just took your hand and continued walking like anyways, like i was saying, no one can give me a valid reason why I shouldn’t get a cat

yall will 10/10 adopt a cat together

well it was supposed to be one but yall were weak bitches, so it turned into 3 same

at first yall rotated the cats between y’all’s apartments but then you were both like let’s just fucking move in together omfg

bam bam constantly breaks into your apartment to play with your cats

you come and cheer jae on at his football games

the first time everyone was SHOOK 

for fuck’s sake, you just learned what a touchdown was when you infiltrated a superbowl party for the food sAME, why tf were you even here

but then they saw jae beam at you and they were like omfg, they’re these people

when they win, he runs up and scoops you into his arms and spins you around, pressing a bunch of kisses all over your face and calling ou his good luck charm and you’re screaming at him for hugging you while he’s sweaty and gross even though you’re laughing and kissing him back

when he loses, you and him go to McDonalds after he showers and you just sit at a table eating while he nuzzles his head in your neck and sulks

reader, i highkey advise you to get a couple tats or a body piercing and not tell him

just have your hoodie off one day so he happens to see the tat/piercing and you’ll see his eyes darken and he’s trying to keep calm like

“i didn’t know you had tattoos/piercings”

and he’s looking down at you so intensely he’s almost glaring

“i do, wanna try and find them all?”

you did it

you activated beast mode

whenever jae sees you upset or sad, he’ll just engulf you with his whole body and you can smell his aftershave and feel his warmth while he puts on calming music and tells you greek myths in that smooth, soothing voice

and when you have your head on his chest, half asleep, he’ll just kind of stop for a second because holy fuuck, you’re so gorgeous and you’re his? how did he land you?? he’s the luckiest guy in the world?

and when you look up, wondering why he stopped talking, you see him looking at you with just this really soft, mushy look of complete adoration and before you can even say anything, he’s like i fucking love you

I WAS GONNA WRITE MORE, BUT I GOTTA END IT NOW, I’M FUCKING SOFT HNNNGGH 

Gaia, the dwarf planet