#i love you please don't notice
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i thought i was getting over her!!!!!!!
but she came over today to watch good omens and we sat leaning against eachother on the sofa!!!!!!!
and it was really nice!!!!!!!!!!
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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Levi with an (Episodically) Depressed S/O
Tags: levi x reader, angst, hurt-comfort, gn!reader Word count: 900
Levi invites you to shower with him, making the obstacle less daunting and much more attractive. In his black robe, leaning on your bedroom door, two towels slung over his arm indicate the knowledge that you will say yes and accompany him. The way that he looks, the low plea in his voice, how could you say no?
It would be more accurate to say that he was bathing you, but he does not phrase it that way. Instead, he is humble, letting his actions speak louder than words. He does not tell you that he will shampoo your matted hair, does not flaunt how deliberately he exfoliates your limbs, he just does them for you. Some days, even just tipping the bottle or pumping some soap into your hand can seem mountainous. On those days, he sees those activities not as tasks, but as privileges. It is his honor to be the one looking after you in your most dire time. He would always prefer someone to take care of rather than someone to miss.
Showering together not only ensures that you stay clean, but his company prevents you from those timeless sessions sat on the tile floor. At the moment you look refreshed but before you become sleepy, he jerks the handle to the left and halts the devastatingly relaxing rain.
Always, your clean clothes are already folded atop the bathroom counter, waiting for you. Some times, you fail to remember that you did not put them there. Other times, you notice the sign of his relentless consideration, but are artificially silenced from expressing your gratitude. No matter in his mind. You are clean, clothed, and out of bed, and that’s already better than you were before.
Without one complaint, Levi scoops your dampened towel and old clothes from the wet bathroom floor and drops them in the hamper for you. He has seen the piles that can amass, and if it were anyone else in any other circumstance, the clean freak would be quick to chastise, but any sight or thought of you disintegrates any instinct to discipline. You are sat in the living room, admiring the ivy that swirls around the balcony’s posts, thumbing the petals of the bouquet vased on the coffee table. White-gold rays move just a tad west to cast your figure in therapeutic light. You’re too tired to move away from the sun, and for once, Levi finds your fatigue favorable. As the morning temperature rises, he can see that your resting smile does as well.
While you are entranced with the scenes of summer, Levi swiftly searches for and alleviates the areas you have left neglected. He dumps your sock drawer upside down and mends the pairs that you have discarded as singles. In your closet, he finds the clean pile and dirty pile and either folds it or washes it accordingly. Under your bed, on your nightstand, in your bedside drawer, he discovers the dirty dishes that have been missing the sink and returns them to their proper place.
Between those tasks, he rolls his shoulders back or rubs the side of his neck and allows himself to sigh. It is difficult - not to bandage these tiny wounds - but to see the harsh bruises left by the illness. Sure, you were forgetful, and not quite as tidy as he was, but still - the mounds of laundry, hidden dirty dishes - this wasn’t like you. Levi lives for your joy - not the superficial smile, your peace - not the misleading silence. He lives for you - in sickness and in health. The times you forget your worth, that is when he whispers it in your ear. When the world is overwhelming you, he lets his touch communicate it.
Once your space is in order, he can start to work on getting you to leave it. Rather than annoying reminders or obligations, he mindfully manipulates the steps of treatment into desirable invitations. Rather than Do you want to… or Would you like to…, his proposals are statements, taking the responsibility out of your hands. Concerts in the park this afternoon. Let’s go to the farmers market. Apple orchard just opened.
Or even less far away.
Plants look thirsty, water them with me? Rain just cleared, read on the porch with me? Full moon tonight, stargaze with me?
To you, with me frames the activities, frames your presence as favors for him, and even in your lowest state, you are always keen to help him with anything. To Levi, it is no framing, your relationship is the greatest gift that fate has bestowed on him, and he treats you as such. It is in his selfless actions and his careful words, but it is more than that, traits you can’t quite categorize. The near flat, subtle smile you wake up to in the morning. The tight yet painless combs through your hair that leave you feeling divine. The low, calming timbre of his voice, decorated with a tender tone that he reserves for you.
Even before the haze you’re in now, you’ve never been able to label those qualities of his, and instead settled: it’s just who he is.
Like the sentiment that motivates his care: it’s what you deserve.
// masterlist //
#Optional A/N: I've been away from tumblr for a while. I had absolutely no expectation that anyone would notice#so please don't feel bad if you didn't notice! <3#i was going through - and am still going through - some intense health problems; mental and physical#so that's why i was gone~ but i've started mental health medication and it's starting to help me.#i can tell because today was the first day that i wrote fanfic in all of 2024 <3 oh how i've missed it#but i've missed the friends i have here more.#sorry for my random leave. please know it was not you - it was me#and my neurons originating in the raphe nuclei located in the midline of the brainstem that failed to make sufficient serotonin :')#anyways thank you all love youuuuuuuuu#levi x reader#levi ackerman x reader#levi#levi ackerman#levi x you#levi ackerman x you#aot x reader#snk x reader#aot x you#snk x you#2024#angst#headcanon#my writing#anlian writes#alias's#depression tw#tw depression#depression#mental health#tw mental health
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Bad: Make a chainsaw.
Bagi: [Laughing, sounding incredulous] A chainsaw? Yes!!!
Bad: Yeah, because chainsaws are broken.
Bagi: Yeah, I'll traumatize my brother. I think it's a nice idea. [...] Yeah, yesterday he killed me screaming, "Hey, little sis!" Now I have something to get my revenge.
Fit: I can't believe you two are siblings, though. That's crazy.
Bagi: Yeah, it's a long story, I think we should talk about that when we are back to the island.
Fit: Yeah, yeah yeah yeah, for sure.
Bagi: Yeah, a lot happened. But I think he's adopted.
Fit: Oh, you think?
Bagi: Yeah, he's too aggressive to be my brother.
Pac: [Looking down at his legs] ...Yeah, too much aggressive.
#Pactw#QSMP#Bagi#FitMC#Purgatory#Blue team#November 14 2023#Hey. Hey Pac#You did NOT have to rip my heart out like that king#Didn't even notice this until someone pointed it out to me#I'm doing work while listening to streams but the second I heard about this I opened the VOD at the speed of light#Pac#Fit#For the love of god please let Cellbit and Pac talk about the Cell thing#especially after that chat message Cellbit sent to him#I'm never gonna recover from that#''I missed you queridinho''#''Please don't do this to me''#I'm going insane
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Oh my god I woke up this morning and my Stardew Valley meta post had almost 150 notes????? Hello?????????? Anyways I started writing this last night because @moon-is-pretty-tonight left nice tags on the original so thank you so much!!
We know from the starting scenes of the game that the farmer's grandfather loved Stardew Valley. So why did he leave? Pelican Town is a good place to grow old; George and Evelyn are just fine. It's a fine place to raise a kid, but maybe he just wanted to raise his child closer to real schools and other children.
Or maybe, just maybe, he understood.
Was there a day when he was in his thirties where he looked at his friends and realized they weren't like him? That he could run faster than them, work longer, explore deeper into the hidden places of the valley?
Was there a day when he went to the wizard to ask him for help, for knowledge if nothing else? Did he learn then that his family was different? Special? Chosen? And how did he react? He couldn't possibly raise a child in the valley if they would be as strange and fey as him. He had to leave. There was no other way.
But years later, on his deathbed, did he regret that choice?
Is that why he gave the farmer the letter?
Is that why they went back home?
When the farmer steps off the bus that first day, the valley is still on the cusp of winter, just barely tipping over into spring. The flowers are starting to bloom, but a chill still hangs in the air. As soon as the farmer's boots touch the soil there's a change. The air gets warmer. The trees get greener. Not by too much, not all at once, but it changes.
The junimos watch the farmer as they do their work. They're new to farming, but take to it with frightening speed; their first batch of crops is perfect. None of the townsfolk tell them that parsnips don't normally grow in less than a week, that cauliflowers don't grow to be ten feet tall, that fairies don't visit when the sun goes down and grow potatoes and beans and tulips overnight. The junimos talk amongst themselves in their strange, wild language, and agree: this is the one. They're back. The valley recognizes its own, even when they've left for a generation. The farmers have come home.
Things change fast in the valley. The community center, empty and decrepit for so many years, is rejuvenated. (Lewis says it was abandoned only a few weeks after the farmer's grandfather left. Strange coincidence, he says, that it both came and went with the farmer's family.) The mines and the quarry, similarly abandoned, are explored for the first time in ages. The town becomes cleaner, brighter, more vibrant, happier.
And it is happier. Not just the environment, but the people. It's the talk of the town for weeks when Haley does her first closet purge. Leah's art show in the town square is a huge success. Shane's smiling for the first time since he moved to the valley. All of them, when asked, say it's all thanks to the farmer.
People love to ask why Lewis didn't fix the community center on his own. Why Willy never repaired the boat to ginger island. Why Abigail or Marlon never went down to fix the elevator in the mines, or why Clint didn't fix the minecarts.
But isn't it so much more interesting to ask how those things were there in the first place? How they got so broken down? If the stories the townspeople tell are true, the valley was once a beautiful place, flourishing and full of life; why did that change? When did it change?
Was it when the farmer's grandfather, the locus of the valley, its chosen representative, left town?
And if so, what happens when the farmer comes back?
#lich says shit#stardew valley#stardew farmer#sdv#my writing#Hope y'all enjoyed!#I'm thinking about developing this into. Like. An actual Fan Fiction. Still sort of short-form but like with more detail?#LMK if you'd be interested to see that! Also if you want to be tagged in future installations of this please just let me know :)#I'm super into this version of the farmer as like. Blessed and cryptic child of the valley with all the strange behavior that entails#If i DO write a more in-depth version of this it'll be from the perspective of someone in town#maybe Leah? She seems like she'd be the one to notice the farmer being Odd. Either that or I'll do it from the perspective of multiple--#--different people to get their unique insights and stuff#I'd also want to dig into like#The family history of the farmer. And what that's like.#Because like why did grandpa leave?#He clearly loved the valley#So why didn't he stay?#Why did he give the deed to his grandchild and not his literal child?#And is it a coincidence that everything in the valley went downhill when he left?#I don't think so.
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thinking very intently about a stern, severe, imposing sort of character, the type who despises being seen as showing weakness, who stifles their sneezes as quietly as possible when they're around other people. they sneeze so forcefully that it can't be contained or held back; the stifling is as much of a compromise as they can manage, though it gives them a terrible headache.
thinking about this uptight chronic stifler having one person with whom they feel comfortable enough to let out their sneezes around. it's an unconscious thing, not at all deliberate; the stifling in public is fully a reflex by now, as is the letting it out in private. they don't even realize! their One Person, on the other hand, is Very Aware. 👀👀👀
#snzario#snz kink#whether they're Aware in a snzfucker way or simply in a. noticing they don't feel the need to stifle when it's just the two of them-#-and feeling Some Kind of Way about it. kind of way. up to you!#love a situation where a character has the kink but as time goes on i also find myself liking other situations more and more...#idk there's just something neat about someone having reasons to be interested in/turned on by snz without it necessarily being *about* snz?#skdlkf i'm Very sleep deprived and making probably zero sense but. please enjoy these weird thoughts regardless 💖#sickos.txt
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doodles
edgar vargas and squee by johnen vasquez
scriabin by zarla-s
#sunny's art#vargas#edgar vargas#vargas zarla#scriabin vargas#zarla s#scriabin#doodles#YOU THOUGHT YOU'D SEEN THE LAST OF ME . . . . !!!!#well HELLO !!!! I'M BACK !!!!!!!!#got a new brush . what do you think of it do you like it#okay i want to ramble about these wait a second#the first one looks a bit different to the rest because i was just trying new stuff .#if i spend a long time without drawing i'll forget how to draw and well it happened#i've changed my art style like 3 times now but i still draw side profiles the same . looks weird ugh#the mug says “ JESUS loves me BECAUSE no one else will ” btw . meta gave me the idea actually . thanks meta .#about the second one . finished that one like ten minutes ago . missed drawing todd aw#i just find their whole relationship so amusing .#like yes i went crazy for like a month and now i have a brother-husband and a kid ?!#they complement each other so well though . i love them#THE UNO ONE omg i've had that idea for like A YEAR NOW and i just drew it lol#i wonder how long it would take scriabin to notice though .#when i showed this to meta she said : “ oh wow !! edgar's finally winning at something !! ” and it's SO TRUE#wonder how he does it !#and the last one . i got the idea when i was looking through zarla's account searching for fan art .#love it so much though they look like their lives aren't a living hell#anyways i'll probably make more of these . who knows#going back to school on monday . and of course i had to get inspiration four days before going back .#please PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL . PL#okay byeee enjoy these . eat my starved followers . EAT !!!!!
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what's with all the chat gpt fics on this app 😭
#trying to find a good fic on here is like looking for a needle in a haystack#but the influx of chat gpt fics is... something#the jarring difference between the flowery intro n the smut always gives it away#but i just saw one in the tags n it had over 300 notes so ig ppl don't notice.....#please be mindful of what you read n support real writers instead :))#they deserve the support for actually putting in time and effort#writers i love u for still being on here despite all this shit <33
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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I HAD A VISION!! it's 6 am and I still haven't sleep but I HAD A VISION
#myart#cotl lamb#cult of the lamb#cotl fanart#cult of the lamb art#cotl art#idk if im actually gonna finish this cause i don't know when im gonna get the motivation to but oh well#haha im so tired#DID YOU NOTICE THE HAIR??? WOOL?? GETTING SHORTER?!?!? I LOVE IT LET ME TELL YOU#gaslight me into drawing please#or guilt trip me what ever work haha#in going insane#why tf do goats have such luxurious eyelashes#the universe cursed me with little nubs for eyelashes#I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS MEME IM TELLING YOU
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thought I was over her but we just played mario kart and paper Mario and talked about nothing in particular lying on the floor of my bedroom in this airbnb! oh well! I've got to deal with this until Friday! and yes i am typing this in my room while all 7 of the others are downstairs playing cards
#queerplatonic#i love you please don't notice#platonic#crush#help lol#queer#mario kart#paper mario#i thought i was over her
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imagine the iceberg meme for this blog
Anon, you bring up a very interesting concept here… Honestly, I would LOVE to see the iceberg meme for this blog. Like just imagine it.
#I don’t have the brainpower for this rn hsdjfdsfs- but if someone makes a good iceberg I’ll love you forever /silly#there’s so much there… all watcher lore… watcher marriage… ethogirl watchers…#recently I remembered that oli theorionsound liked one of my posts… and a lot more i'm definitely missing#i don't THINK i've ever had a true cc notice (besides oli) but if i have someone please do let me know#anyways. cheers this is a hilarious idea i never even thought about that#not a bad idea#ask
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I saw buttoned-up!Ayaka in tumblr gifs and was wondering who she was.
SHE WAS AYAKA BEFORE HER GAY AWAKENING.
But Ayaka, you room is so cute. What happened to all your button ups and pant suits? All I see are cute outfits!
So, after her gay awakening, she:
(1) permed and dyed her hair
(2) got a whole new wardrobe
(3) ???
Was she always this cute at home and just frumpy at work? Was re-doing her whole room to this aesthetic part of changing herself to appeal to Hiroko-senpai? If so she went like, 1100% into this persona. AND SHE'S SO GOOD AT IT. I'm just so impressed at the dedication and effort she's taking to make senpai notice her.
#ayaka is in love with hiroko#ayaka is in love with hiroko spoilers#ayaka is always observing and processing details about senpai#and to strategize#you go ayaka#and please don't be sad bc senpai does notice you but she is just dense rn#wait maybe i used gay awakening wrong tho. what if she already had a gay awakening. senpai awakening?
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my one like "american cringing at europeans" thing is the amount of europeans I've seen who think that we drink americanos when we're drinking coffee
#like for the vast majority of americans 'coffee' is drip coffee#not a shot of espresso in water#and drip coffee is not espresso plus water#I can't not emphasize how much these are very different things#they are not brewed the same at all#I'm noticing this more and its like bringing me pain#I'm not gonna drink a nasty americano don't think that's me please#its notoriously just the 'i need this to stay awake' drink#whereas like normal drip coffee is your friend who keeps you company#please I love coffee stop insulting her
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when it's been so long since you've read a fic that you forget about it and you find it in the search tags and start reading it again
and it's great, if a little familiar, but you've read a lot of these sorts of fics bc you like this tag a lot, so you assume it's nothing
but then the deja vu starts adding up and you start to wonder
and then moments before the great big Plot Twist Reveal happens you're suddenly like ah hell this is the bloody sundial fic again isn't it
smh this has to be the fourth time yet
#not that I don't love that fic bc I do#but also this is quite funny to me#have I made this post already? I don't remember#mdzs fic#time travel fix it#I love that tag#iceberg tags under see all#bc sm of the fandoms I'm in have such messed-up backstories that it works#it's funny. like for the media that doesn't have as dark backstories ttfi doesn't really make sense (although time loop might!!)#mdzs and st go perfectly with it as does hp (ew)#pjo not as much bc the big bad stuff (for the most part) happens much further down the line in canon than in the first few chapters#like. b99 and idk descendants of the sun or haikyuu wouldn't really work#ik it doesn't HAVE TO but I've also noticed this trend where ttfi is more common in fandoms where it's somehow plausible by the magic syste#haikyuu just does not have that magic system lol (for example)#whereas jjk? maybe. aot? probably not physically/magically but it's got such a messy timeline that at this point why not honestly#tbf the second time I read that fic I did get legitimately surprised by the plot twist#pjo#percy jackson#stranger things#atla? maybe. like it would be weird but still sorta plausible using spirit shenanigans#hp and mdzs by way of their 'hard' magic system side - wards/arrays and the like#pjo by the gods ig?? so kinda like atla with the deus ex machina and not exactly soft nor hard side of their magic systems#cinematic universes? depends but for the marvel ones it's plausible for studio ghibli idek man for kpop music videos sometimes.#not tagging hp lol#terfs dni#like literally if you've made it this far down my notes already if you're a TERF please just fuck off or block me or smth#anyway anyone know about monsta x?#they have time travel literally baked into their concept so I bet there's time travel fix it tropes over in that fandom#I don't really touch rpf these days so idk#if you have any good recs you can argue for I'd be willing to try them ig?
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one art thing that keeps making me want to pull my hair out is when ppl post a drawing and immediately call it bad/mention its flaws in the caption. whatever you think you're doing with that i can assure you it's not working
#vivi.txt#listen to me. putting my hands on your shoulders.#i know you think calling your art bad makes you sound humble and relatable and funny but that is not how it looks to other people.#i'm going to be harsh for a second it sounds like your self esteem is low and you're looking for interaction out of pity.#BUT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN i know this because i did it too!!!!#saying those things over and over made me believe they were true. and a lack of interaction made it feel like others were agreeing with me#and maybe they are! when you mention something's flaws to someone they're obviously gonna look for them and notice them#and they might just ignore your stuff BECAUSE of that#and whatever notes you do get you've conditioned yourself to believe that they came out of pity for you which FEELS TERRIBLE#you have to get out of the habit of putting down your work. you don't even have to love it you don't have to think it's perfect#but your own words are is going to influence how others perceive it and not always in a good way!!#plus whatever mistake you wanted to mention would probably be totally ignored by others if you don't say anything. streisand effect#JUST PLEASE BE KIND TO YOURSELF. PEOPLE WILL MATCH YOUR ENERGY AND BE KIND TO YOU IN RETURN OKAY. PROMISE
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