#i love you generic bilbo

[grouperhq]

oh this is flames

[holmsister]

I KNOW the main inspo for Dungeon Meshi is like six or seven steps removed from Tolkien but its still pretty funny how elves and dwarves are still pretty recognizable while hobbits have become almost their perfect opposite, keeping only the height. Like. Do you think Chilchuck would call Bilbo a bourgeois cunt be honest

[homunculus-argument]

My favourite fan theory about anything is "Gandalf fucked a hobbit once", as an explanation as to why he's so invested in them. Like several generations ago, purely by happenstance he just happened to encounter a fearless Took lass who decided to Fuck That Old Man and by the powers of supreme hobbit reproduction skills, the natural happens.

So Gandalf just goes "ah well fuck, gotta fix this", somehow makes sure she's arranged an excellent marriage, and pays her future husband a visit like "just a heads-up you're going to have an early, unexpectedly large and supremely excellent child and you are going to be nothing but loving and proud of your firstborn, or she is going to become a very rich young widow whose husband tragically died of a mysterious case of Killed By A Wizard, ok?"

And after that he's been visiting here and there to discreetly keep track of which ones are his descendants, and then after keeping track of all of them becomes too much work, decides to narrow down to the ones he's deemed to take after him (the ones the other hobbits think are weird, mostly) until deciding that Bilbo was his favourite. Probably has zero wizard blood in him by now and Gandalf doesn't even consider the hobbits he's been keeping tabs on as his offspring in any way anymore, it's basically a hobby to him by now.

So any time other Maiar or other immortal races notice him keeping an eye on the hobbits and ask him what's his deal with the halflings anyway, he just shrugs and goes "idk I just think they're neat."

[kateksmallcuteowl]

June 26: Soulmates/Soulmate Marks AU

Your mark shows how old will your soulmate be when you fall in love with them. (Meaning both romantically and sexually)

For an event by @bagginshieldweek24

More headcanons after the cut. Seriously, there’s a lot, as I developed a whole idea but had no time to write a fic because of exams.

— Dwarfs come of age in around 80 y.o., having a soulmate from another race is a very rare occurrence; throughout the history of Middle-earth, there have been at most a dozen such cases, so most dwarves are unaware of this possibility. Having a mark with a number younger than the age of majority is a lifelong shame, essentially an admission of pedophilia. Unfortunately, this happens more often than having a soulmate from another race.

— Thorin spent his entire adult life, from the moment the mark appeared, wearing an extra layer of bandages under his bracers to prevent anyone from seeing the number. Fortunately, among dwarves, it is not considered inappropriate to hide the marks, as many value their privacy.

— The mark and thoughts about it were the reason why Thorin often appeared especially gloomy when the topic of romance came up.

— He truly tried to compensate for his "defectiveness" with his virtues.

— Of course, Thorin is a virgin.

— Bilbo, on the other hand, didn't think much about this; hobbits don't see anything wrong with living without their soulmate or seeing their soulmate as a friend. They are generally a loving people and don't worry about the concept of "the one and only."

— Although the topic of soulmates is considered highly romantic in hobbit literature, Bilbo was somewhat disappointed when he realized he would likely never meet his soulmate. (Hobbits are also unaware of inter-racial soulmates.)

— I tried to make young Bilbo look more like Frodo, so here he has smaller curls and a different style of shirt.

— Thorin and Bilbo both hid their marks, so when they felt an attraction to each other, especially after the Carrock, both were initially upset, thinking they weren't soulmates. Thorin, of course, was much more upset.

— During the two weeks they stayed with Beorn (yes, I'm mixing the movie and the book, what are you going to do about it? Slow burn needs time to be slow), they managed to reach the point of kissing near the river or something like that. But when Bilbo tried to unlace Thorin's tunic, Thorin stopped him and said that, unlike hobbits, for dwarves, sexual interaction is a very serious step in emotional attachment. It wouldn't be fair not to tell Bilbo what kind of monster he was getting involved with, because after seeing what Thorin had to show him, Bilbo might not even want to look him in the eye. Bilbo was honestly frustrated. (It is implied that Thorin used some term characteristic of a pedo... ahem)

— With a terrifyingly serious face, Thorin unwrapped the bandages on his wrist, and Bilbo, with a sinking heart, prepared to see a number like 5 or 12. Instead, there was a very respectable and completely normal age. Thorin turned away, not wanting to see the disappointment in the hobbit's eyes. Bilbo spent a few seconds calculating how long dwarves live and how old Thorin actually was.

— Thorin thought Bilbo wanted to shame him for having the audacity to enter into a relationship at such an age, knowing his soulmate's extremely young age. With closed eyes, he forced out that he was 195 and knew how disgusting he was because of it.

— Instead of a slap or something worse, which Thorin wouldn't have opposed, thinking any normal person had the right to treat him like that after seeing it, Bilbo reached for his own wrist and, with suspicious enthusiasm, pulled off the leather bracelet he had worn since the Shire. On the pale skin was clearly marked Thorin's age, written in dark ink with characteristic dwarvish notches.

— Some time passed in silence as they both realized that such a coincidence simply couldn't be.

— They were in for a very pleasant evening away from the company🌚🌝

— Later, when the entire company gathered by the fire, Bilbo and Thorin would come to them, holding hands, the hobbit nearly glowing with happiness in front, and a red-to-the-tips-of-his-ears Thorin slightly behind. This would be the first time anyone in the company saw Thorin without bandages, and if not for the matching age on Bilbo's wrist, now also not hidden by a bracelet, they wouldn't have believed Thorin could be normal with such a number on his skin.

— And the dwarves would realize how young Bilbo was by their standards.

— Truly, the ways of the Valar are mysterious.

— At the very end of the night, Fili would nudge Kili with his elbow and hint that since their uncle had an inter-racial mark, he might not be so angry and yell when he finds out that his brother has a four-digit number on his wrist.

[anneangel]

Dwarves in general: I hate those pointy-eared fairies! Thorin, Gimli, Durin IV, Disa and Kili: Touch my pointy-eared Twink, and you will have your head separated from your body in a no gentle way and with a lot of pain involved, scum! Even though they don't really need our protection… Bilbo, Legolas, Elrond and Tauriel: excuse them, they're a too protective!

I love how every adaptation I've seen of Middle-Earth likes to give pointy-eared characters (hobbit, elves or half-elven) to a falsely grumpy, and totally possessive, dwarves. Is this becoming a fanon tradition in Tolkien adaptations? Because I'm loving it! Do not stop!

I'm loving relationships Bilbo & Thorin, Gimli & Legolas, Durin IV/Disa & Elrond and Kili & Tauriel! So this is just a poor contribution sketch...

[knightotoc]

I always liked the riddle scene in the Hobbit, but I never knew what it really meant until I read the original just now. The main idea is lost in adaptations because you need to get into their heads. I knew it was a high-stakes version of a kids' game and a mythology/fairytale reference, but it still seemed pretty random and hard to believe, since these two are the last characters you'd put in a battle of wits.

But the scene is actually about how people's environments shape the way they think. Bilbo and Gollum are both so flustered that they can only think of what are, to them, very easy riddles. They keep feeling ashamed that they can't think of something harder, and confident that the other guy will get this immediately. But the other guy is stumped, because his mind works differently, because he lives in the opposite environment.

Solving the riddles isn't actually about being smart, but being empathetic in Bilbo's case and nostalgic in Gollum's. Bilbo is only able to comprehend Gollum's nasty way of thinking because they are in his lair, amongst the dark and fish. Bilbo is repulsed and even unable to guess Gollum's final riddle, only winning by luck (he stutters "I need more time" so badly it sounds like the correct answer, "time").

Gollum is only able to imagine Bilbo's pleasant answers by thinking back to his past, when he was a normal guy who lived with his grandmother near flowers, eggs, and cats. In this book, he isn't confirmed to be a former hobbit, but the parallel becomes more tragic with this retroactive backstory. Gollum indirectly tells Bilbo that time is the only thing that separates them, and Bilbo does not understand this. If Bilbo had the "more time" he requests, hundreds of years here in the dark, he would become like Gollum, wisdom at a terrible price.

The main theme of The Silmarillion is how immortality affects people. Elves are fated to live forever in the undying lands of Valinor. Humans instead have the "Gift of Ilúvatar," the great mystery of an unknown afterlife. Elves are counterintuitively jealous of this gift, since death allows humans to escape the music of Arda, the fate which defines all creation.

Bilbo and Gollum, who were so different in life that they could barely follow each other's thoughts, also end up with the opposite deaths. The elves take Bilbo to Valinor, while Gollum goes to the mysterious afterlife of the other unchosen mortals. (At least two elves, Lúthien and Arwen, chose this fate for themselves out of love for a guy. But generally this is the unchosen/fate defying route for souls to go.)

So during their first meeting, Gollum is the one who understands the destructive power of time. But in the long term, Bilbo will come to understand time as an endless font of wisdom and peace, since nothing can be destroyed in Valinor. We don't know how or even if the mortal afterlife experiences time; if Gollum's pessimistic definition would hold true, or if that, too, would eventually change.

[thistlepig]

Stones and Scones

Thorin had vague memories of his grandfather sitting at a desk for long periods. This was prior to Thror's gold obsession and gradual ignoring of everything in the kingdom that didn't shine with a yellow luster. But before that, before the great hoard and greed, Thror had spent much of his time in this office.

The stone desk bore the marks of generations of Durins working here. Chips and carvings in the surface, a broken corner where a particularly irate dwarf had slammed something heavy into the desk and broken off the stone. But Thorin, as his fathers before him, refused to replace it. It was symbolic of the mountain, and their people. Of the steadfastness of stone, of their people, and the gradual marks and erosion caused by leading their kingdom. And like all Durins before, the desk would stand and serve until it fell to dust on its own.

Papers, much less sturdy than the stone, rested on the desk and moved gently as Thorin sighed. Each one bore a new complaint, decision, or permission needing his personal attention. Every aspect of the mountain and the life of the dwarrow therein rested on him.

Thorin's eyes began to cross as he looked at the words. He shook his head to clear his vision. This was always the worst part of leading. Battles he could handle. Irate dwarrow he could handle. But paperwork? This would be the end of the line of Durin. He would rather face Azog again a thousand times than spend another minute with paperwork.

As he lifted his hands to his face to rub his eyes, Thorin heard the door to his office creak open.

"Balin, if that is more paperwork, it will need to wait until tomorrow... or the day after," he said gruffly.

"And how about a cup of tea?" a mild voice responded, a chuckle following the words.

Thorin brought his hands down, and his lips cracked a small smile as his burglar walked into the room, carrying a small tray with a pair of steaming cups and a plate covered by a small silver cloche.

"More welcome than more work, at least," he replied, brushing a pile of paper aside to make room on the desk. "Though I should be getting back to it."

"Oh tosh. A break will do you good," Bilbo said as he set down the tray and pulled a small wooden chair over to the desk. "Allow me to join you for a spot of tea, yes?"

Thorin chuckled as well. "I suppose I can't deny you that."

"Quite right," Bilbo said, picking up his tea and blowing the steam away before taking a sip. He swirled it around his mouth before swallowing and frowned slightly. "While it's better than nothing, these leaves from the Greenwood do leave much to be desired. We'll have to send for something proper from the Shire come springtime."

Thorin picked up his own cup and tossed back a large drink without bothering to cool it. The hot liquid seared its way down his throat and he grunted. "It gets the job done, at least," he said, already feeling a bit more awake than a few minutes ago.

"Well, I hope these are better than adequate," Bilbo grinned as he lifted the cloche. A pair of beautifully baked scones rested on the plate, a drizzle of berry jam glistening on the buttered surface.

Thorin could feel his mouth water just looking at them. Bilbo pushed the plate toward him with a grin, and he grunted as he picked one up and took a bite. The buttery sweet bread mixing with the sharp tang of blackberry jam on his tongue. His eyes rolled back slightly as he chewed.

"Much better," he said finally, swallowing the mouthful before taking another bite. Bilbo nodded in satisfaction before taking up his own scone and grinning around a mouthful.

"They did turn out quite well," Bilbo said after swallowing. "I had to make do with some ingredients, but I'm quite pleased with the result. Even if they won't be winning any baking competitions in the Shire."

"They would win here," Thorin grunted, taking another mouthful. There was only a bit left, and he tried to savor it before he would have to return to the paperwork.

"Well, that's a lovely idea," Bilbo grinned. "A baking competition in Erebor. It could be just the thing to get people's spirits up. And at least fill their bellies a bit. I'll talk to Balin and Bombur and see if that's something we could do."

Bilbo finished his own scone quickly and stood up, gathering the empty plates and cups again. He took a step towards the door, then turned to look at Thorin and glance at the table.

"You know, I heard Balin earlier. I don't believe there is anything there that is pressing to get done today. Why don't you come with me and stretch your legs for a bit?" Bilbo grinned at him.

Thorin glanced down at the papers, biting the inside of his cheek slightly. If he left it now, it would still be there later. And really, it wouldn't hurt to let it wait a little longer.

Nodding, Thorin lifted himself from his chair, grabbing his cane as he stepped up. The wounds from Azog were mostly healed now, but Óin insisted that his foot not carry all his weight unsupported yet.

"Lead the way, Master Burglar," Thorin said, a small smile gracing his features as he looked down at the hobbit.

"Very good," Bilbo nodded, walking to the door and holding it open for him. "You know, I do believe this mountain is beginning to feel like home. And with a baking competition, I'll feel like I fit right in. Do you really think my baking could hold up against Dwarven fare?"

Thorin chuckled as he stepped through the door and followed Bilbo down the hall.

"The mountain will be home to you always," he said, then patted his stomach. "And I would say your baking ranks above anything else I've had."

"Oh," Bilbo blushed. "Well thank you." His footsteps stammered just a little, and he coughed. "You know, telling me that almost would amount to a proposal in the Shire."

"Would it indeed?" Thorin asked, grinning. "Then I suppose it's a good thing we're already married then, isn't it, Zabad?"

Bilbo’s blush deepened. "I suppose it is."

Thorin chuckled as they continued down the hall, resting his hand on Bilbo’s shoulder as they walked. Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to Bilbo’s curls.

"Thank you, my love," he said into the braid under his nose, Bilbo’s marriage bead bumping against his cheek.

"It's just scones and tea, Thorin," Bilbo huffed, grinning.

"No," Thorin said as they walked. "It’s much more than that. Much more."

[beautiful-basque-country]

What do you think? https://youtu.be/WW4D-1Sa-r8?si=8peyR-RkNAeYOynL

Kaixo anon!

Somehow I thought somebody would ask me about that video? I watched it yesterday.

I'm suscribed to Linguriosa's channel and have learnt very much from her videos, that are generally well researched and explained.

This one isn't different. She tries to be somehow aseptic and focus on the laws that attacked Galego, Català, and Euskara during the dictatorship without too much assessment or analysis beyond that.

For instance, she says that the first ikastola (school 100% in Basque) was opened in Donosti in 1954 but fails to mention it was actually a clandestine school. She also fails to add context when she says thatin the 60s - the so-called "liberal phase" of the dictatorship" - magazines and records could be edited in Basque.

By that time, 23 years - a whole generation - of repression and punishment and making people ashamed had passed; that thousands of Basque-speakers had left their homes (27,000 to Cuba and +7,000 to France, just in 1937, and we're talking about the registered immigrants; it's calculated that half the people that escaped Spain did it illegaly);

Literally millions of people from the rural communities of Spain moved to the industrial capitals - especially Barcelona and Bilbo -, which made the few Basque speakers remaining not to interact in Basque since maaaaaaaany citizens were now from outside EH and Spanish, even though not over imposed by law as before, was very much imposed by the situation;

This is to say that by the 60s when Franco allegedly changed his mind and was so gracious as to let Basque people have content in our language, Basque was a TINY language on the verge of death. Unimportant. Incidental. Completely safe.

Then I see comments below Linguriosa's video saying something like "I am Basque and I was always taught that Basque was super banned under Franco and now I see that I was fed propaganda" and my heart breaks. Because this is exactly what happens when you fail to give as much context as possible to actually let people understand the whole picture and story.

Because, really, if you know nothing about this and watch the video, you actually get the idea that Franco became more tolerant regarding the minoritized languages in Spain as he got older and what he was actually doing was just laughing at our people: see? you have freedom to use your language now, too bad nobody can speak it anymore!

I'd love to know the takes of my friends @useless-catalanfacts and @jar-jar-ate on this, if they oblige! ^_^

[yanderenightmare]

helpdesk! How do you go about writing a story? like, regarding plot points and climax and all that. i know you covered it a bit in a previous helpdesk, but i'd be really interested in a full walkthrough if you're feeling up to it!

i know these helpdesk posts must take a lot of time, so thank you so much, they're really interesting and helpful!!

On The Recipe of a Good Story

Thank you, and terrific question!

♡ The Recipe of a Good Story!

There are a million ways to write a story. 

Good stories, however, usually follow a recipe. 

Now, there are plenty of different versions of this recipe, some may include a few more steps than others that only stick to the core acts, but they’re all more or less the same.

The recipe I’m about to divulge is one I've made for myself. It consists of several of these recipes, all of which I studied over the years while getting my bachelor's degree in copywriting.

ACT ONE—we’re chilling mostly…

♡ Foreshadowing!

In Foreshadowing, there will either be a sneak peek of the future or a scene from the past. This is one of the few optional steps, which I'll explain later, but first,

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Galadriel explains the story of The Ring.

I’m including this here for reference. The book doesn’t start this way, but with Exposition/Introduction, which we’ll cover next.  

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Dumbledore is standing outside the Dursleys' with McGonagall. Hagrid arrives, and they drop baby Harry off on the Dursleys' doorstep.

Again, I’m including this here for reference. The book doesn’t start this way, but with Exposition/Introduction.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

The classic Star Wars newsletter rolls down the screen, telling us how Sith Lord Count Dooku and General Grievous have kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, and how two Jedi Knights are leading a mission to rescue him. 

Despicable Me:

“Someone” has stolen the Great Pyramid of Giza and replaced it with a blow-up fake.

Again, this works in the film, but it would be hard to have made it work in a book.

Bad start, but honestly, I wouldn’t recommend starting with foreshadowing. A flashback or a glimpse of the final act may sound meta and cool, but having one in the very beginning can throw the reader off, so I’d advise against it unless you know exactly what you’re doing.

I’d say it works better in movies and series, such as the examples above. 

That’s not to say flashbacks should never be included in books, but I think they’re better off being added later in the story where they can provide context while also being supported by context.

♡ Exposition/Introduction!

Here, the MC and their current situation are introduced. The audience is shown what the MC cares about, and something valuable that can be put at stake is created, thus giving a glimpse of the MC’s fears. This is how most books and movies start.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Gandalf arrives in The Shire, and we meet Frodo and Bilbo. The Shire is setting up for Bilbo’s 111th birthday. Bilbo tells Gandalf that he plans to leave and that he’s passing The Ring on to Frodo. Bilbo explicitly says that Frodo loves and wants to grow old in the Shire, so having to leave the Shire or anything that puts the Shire at risk would be Frodo’s biggest fear.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

We meet Harry Potter, who lives with his aunt, uncle, and cousin, who treat him poorly. It’s hinted and shown that Harry has magical powers. In contrast to Frodo, Harry doesn’t have a place he cares about. Here, the fear is staying with the Dursleys. And his wants are to have friends and a real family.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

We know from Episode II. Anakin, like never before, is itchy to be fully let off the leash and is annoyed with the Jedi Council for not recognizing him as the chosen one. He and Obi-Wan are like brothers. Anakin and Padme are married in secret—another reason behind his annoyance with the Jedi, given that they don't allow Jedi Knights to have personal commitments. Anakin has developed respect for Chancellor Palpatine, with whom he shares another personal commitment.

The Avengers:

The Avengers are introduced one by one. Cap tells Nick Fury that they should have left the Tessaract in the Ocean, hinting at his fears of history repeating itself. Banner expresses a fear of becoming the Hulk. Tony wants to spend time with Pepper, meaning not putting on the suit for a while. Natasha fears losing Hawkeye. Thor fears Loki causing havoc on Earth and wants to bring him home to Asgard.

Despicable Me:

Gru is introduced, and we get to see his despicable personality. He has minions and an old man named Doctor Nefarious living in his basement. He’s giving a slide show of everything they’ve managed to steal in the last years. It’s made clear that he didn’t steal the pyramid, which also shows his fears, given that his reputation as the best villain of all time is at risk. To fix this, he says that he plans to steal the Moon with a little help from the bank.

In short, who the character is, what they want, and what they fear should be established here in the Expo/Intro.

♡ Inciting Incident!

A happening that gives the MC a new goal, motivation, opportunity, or that triggers their fear, thus setting the plot in motion. In other words, either something valuable is put at stake, or something valuable is now achievable.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

With some hesitance, Bilbo leaves The Ring to Frodo. 

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry receives a letter inviting him to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Chancellor Palpatine gets kidnapped by Count Dooku.

The Avengers:

Loki arrives through the Tesseract. He takes control of Hawkeye and Erik and runs away with them and the Tesseract.

Despicable Me:

The Inciting Incident here is actually in the opening sequence, where Vector has stolen the Great Pyramid of Giza. This has already made Gru anxious to one-up him, even though he doesn’t know who this other villain is.

♡ Plot Point One!

As a result of the Inciting Incident, a new development ensues.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Gandalf discovers it’s the One Ring and tells Frodo that Sauron’s Ringwraiths will come for it, triggering Frodo’s fear that the Shire will be destroyed. Gandalf explains how he can’t take the ring himself, and that Frodo must keep it and journey with it to the Prancing Pony, where he’ll meet him after he’s visited his old mentor. Sam, who was caught eavesdropping, joins Frodo, and they leave the Shire together.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

When Harry doesn’t reply to any of the letters, Hagrid comes and collects him, then helps him get ready for school. Meanwhile, we learn more about Harry, Voldemort, and the wizarding world.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

The Jedi Council dispatches Anakin and Obi-Wan to save Palpatine.

The Avengers:

Cap, Stark, and Widow go after Loki. They’re not working as a team yet, but they manage to capture him nonetheless. Then, Thor comes and they all have a mini-fight, during which Loki does not seize the opportunity to escape.

Despicable Me:

Gru goes to the bank to have his plan of stealing the moon sponsored, but the bank tells him to come back when he has the Shrink Ray.

♡ Fun & Games!

These events don’t have to be fun or include any games, but act as a bridge where the MC goes from A to B, either literally or figuratively. There’s usually a mini-plot going on here where the MC is investigating, searching for, or journeying towards something.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Frodo and Sam begin travelling to the Prancing Pony. They get intercepted by Merry and Pippin, who end up joining them in a turbulent turn of events. Once they get to the Prancing Pony, Gandalf isn’t there, so they decide to wait for him.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry attends Hogwarts and meets Ron, Hermione, and Malfoy. He gets sorted into Gryffindor. Harry has fun at Hogwarts—attends classes, learns to fly, and saves Hermione from the dungeon troll; they’re all good friends now. He also gets the cloak of invisibility for Christmas. Harry and company are investigating the Philosopher’s Stone and start suspecting Snape of wanting to steal the Stone.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Suspicions about Chancellor Palpatine are rising within the Jedi Council. Anakin, who has been groomed by Palpatine, becomes even more annoyed with the Jedi Council.

The Avengers:

Many convos are held on the hellicarrier. Stark is infiltrating SHIELD’s system, trying to get to the bottom of what they were using the Tesseract for. Inspired by Stark, Cap investigates on foot. Widow goes to interrogate Loki. Banner is studying Loki’s scepter, with Stark’s help.

Despicable Me:

Gru tries to steal the Shrink Ray, but Vector beats him to it. Gru then tries to steal the Shrink Ray from Vector, but fails. Gru develops a plan to steal the Shrink Ray using the Girl Scouts as a distraction, and so he adopts them. By using the girls as a distraction, Gru manages to steal the Shrink Ray, and he and the girls go to Super Silly Fun Land.

♡ Rising Suspense!

This is where the plot usually thickens and tends to happen simultaneously with Fun & Games. Things are becoming increasingly more dangerous, risky, convoluted, or secretive—tensions and suspense are rising. Here, the MC will try to solve or escape their problem, exploiting opportunities and falling for temptations, thus increasing the risk factor.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Frodo struggles to resist the call of The Ring while the crew gets hunted by the Ringwraiths. And by accidentally using the ring, Frodo leads the Ringwraiths right to them. Enter Aragorn, who helps them.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry finds the Mirror of Erised while exploring the castle, using it to fill the gap made by his dead parents. Also, due to their dislike of Snape, Harry and company rule out the possibility of there being any other culprit.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Palpatine keeps whispering in Anakin’s ear, further sowing his doubts and turning him against the Jedi.

The Avengers:

Stark and Cap uncover that SHIELD was using the Tesseract as a power source to make weapons. Widow discovers that Loki plans on unleashing the Hulk. None of the Avengers are cooperating. They’re all being secretive and arrogant, thus blind to the fact that Loki is successfully manipulating them all.

Despicable Me:

During his efforts to steal the Shrink Ray, Gru has grown attached to the Girls. He even wants to postpone stealing the moon so as not to miss the girls’ ballet recital. Doctor Nefarious has expressed concerns about this, but Gru is being wishy-washy both about the girls and the moon operation.

ACT TWO — shit’s about to get real!

♡ Pinch One — Conflict!

The accumulated suspense leads to trouble, confrontation, or the MC hitting a snag.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

The Witch-King stabs Frodo with a Morgul Blade. Arwen and Frodo are getting chased by the Ringwraiths, but she handles it. Still, Frodo nearly dies, but thanks to Arwen and Lord Elrond, he wakes up in Rivendell, only to see that Gandalf is there. Gandalf tells his story about Saruman’s betrayal and his grand escape.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry and crew are caught outside the castle after dark and get sent to detention with Malfoy.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Padme is pregnant. Which is complicated given that Jedi aren’t allowed to have relationships. Also, Anakin keeps having dreams of Padme dying during childbirth. Palpatine tells Anakin that he knows of a way to save Padme.

The Avengers:

Loki’s scepter is causing everyone to bicker, keeping them distracted and disorganized. Everything is going according to his plan.

Despicable Me:

Doctor Nefarious decides to give the girls up as they’re distracting Gru from his goals.

♡ Midpoint!

A turning point where the premise changes—a big event that makes it harder for the MC to keep their fears at bay. Either things take a turn for the worse, the Bad Guy becomes stronger or closer, or things prove more difficult than what was once believed.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Because no one is fit for the job, Frodo volunteers to take the ring to Mordor. The Fellowship of the Ring is formed, and they set out on their journey.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry meets Voldemort in the Forbidden Forest, but is saved by Firenze, the Centaur.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Because of his conflicting loyalties between the Jedi and the Chancellor, as well as his own selfish desires, Anakin is denied the rank of Master, further turning him against the Jedi.

The Avengers:

A brainwashed Hawkeye attacks the helicarrier, and the unprepared and disorganized Avengers are thrust into even more chaos.

Despicable Me:

Gru goes to space and steals the moon, only to realize that the girls are more important to him.

♡ Pinch Two — Conflict!

Following the Midpoint, there’s even more trouble or something the MC has to do.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

The Fellowship is struggling to cross the Misty Mountains because of Saruman's hexing. Frodo decides they’ll go through Moria, where they get attacked by goblins and a Balrog. Gandalf battles the Balrog.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

There’s a Quidditch Game. “Snape” is hexing the broom and thus is proven to be the bad guy, as the trio has suspected all along.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Mace Windu confronts Palpatine. Palpatine is shown as a full-blown Sith lord. Anakin arrives at the scene.

The Avengers:

Widow has to run away from an unleashed Hulk. Thor comes to the rescue, and they fight. Widow finds Hawkeye, and they fight. Meanwhile, Stark and Cap are working on fixing the turbines.

Despicable Me:

Gru has to hurry back to Earth to get to the ballet recital on time.

♡ Plot Point Two!

The conflict ends with a big bang!

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Gandalf gets snagged by the Balrog's whip, telling the others to run before he’s pulled down, falling to his “death”.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry and company go to tell Dumbledore that Snape was the one hexing Harry’s broom, but he tells them not to worry.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

In order to protect Palpatine, Anakin “kills” Mace Windu.

The Avengers:

Loki “kills” Agent Coulson and escapes.

Despicable Me:

Gru’s too late, the ballet recital is already over.

♡ Low Point!

This is the part where the story comes to a pause. All action is at a standstill. Suffering from the last defeat or lured into a false sense of safety, the MC is swimming in his feelings, not yet having decided what he should do next.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

The Fellowship mourns Gandalf and is dealt a massive blow in morale. Frodo is doubting whether he can do this, and even tries pawning The Ring off to Galadriel.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry and company are left at a loss as no one believes them about Snape, Voldemort, and the danger the Philosopher's Stone is in.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Head spiraling, Anakin is still torn between the Jedi and Palpatine, second-guessing his decision to have murdered Mace Windu.

The Avengers:

The Avengers mourn the “death” of Agent Coulson and are dealing with doubts and shame over their poor actions.

Despicable Me:

Dejected, Gru sits down on the seat that was saved for him, holding a note left there by the girls, only to find out that Vector has taken them.

ACT THREE — THE FINAL ACT — this is it, guys!

♡ New Plan!

The MC pulls themselves together and makes a new plan.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Instead of taking The Ring, Lady Galadriel restores Frodo's conviction, and the Fellowship continues its journey.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry and crew decide to stop Voldemort and “Snape” on their own.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Prompted by his promise to save Padme, Anakin decides to side with Palpatine.

The Avengers:

The Avengers suit up.

Despicable Me:

Gru goes to get the girls back.

♡ Point of No Return!

The MC is backed into a corner and forced to make a hard choice, either to face his biggest fear or run away. This is where a character either achieves True Self or falls to the Dark Side. Meaning: they either conquer their fears or succumb to them.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

After Boromir tries to steal The Ring, Frodo understands that he can’t trust that the others won’t be affected by its powers, and plans to go off on his own.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

The chess game leaves Ron injured with Hermione staying behind to help him, and Harry comes to terms with the fact that he and he alone has to continue.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

“Execute Order 66.” Anakin slaughters the young padawans and everyone else in the Jedi temple, fully embracing the Dark Side.

The Avengers:

Loki succeeds in opening the portal, and things go from a skirmish to a full-blown alien invasion, forcing the Avengers to work as a team.

Despicable Me:

Gru gives up the moon in exchange for the girls, proving that they’re more important to him.

♡ Pinch Three — Crisis!

The final conflict ensues, the biggest pinch yet. It’s a full-on crisis. 

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

The Orcs catch up to the Fellowship. Boromir is killed, and Merry and Pippin get taken.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry arrives at the scene without any fucking plan.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Obi-Wan lands his ship to confront Anakin, and they argue.

The Avengers:

While fighting the Chitauri, the Avengers are desperately trying to figure out a way to close the portal.

Despicable Me:

Vector keeps the girls anyway, and Gru must continue the chase to get them back.

♡ Plot Twist!

Something extra to keep the excitement. This is not always necessary.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Sam follows Frodo, but can’t fucking swim.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

It was never Snape, but Professor Quirrell. Voldemort was underneath his headpiece all along. The Stone is in Harry’s pocket.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Anakin chokes Padme with the power of the dark side, accusing her of siding with Obi-Wan.

The Avengers:

On top of everything, there’s a fucking bomb on the way to New York City.

Despicable Me:

The effects of the Shrink Ray are temporary, and the bigger the objects are, the faster they go back to their real size, meaning it’s only a matter of time before the moon reverts back to normal.

♡ Climax!

The stakes have never been higher. The MC must figure something out quickly.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Sam is about to drown.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Professor Quirrell attacks Harry.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Anakin chases Obi-Wan, but comes up short as Obi-Wan has the high ground.

The Avengers:

After a failed call to Pepper, Stark decides to fly the nuke up through the portal anyway. Wanting to wait for Stark to come back, Cap makes a tough call and orders Widow to close the portal before the bomb blows.

Despicable Me:

Edith and Agnes have jumped. Gru tells Margo to jump, promising her that he’ll never let them go again.

♡ Finale!

The final outcome of the MC's decisions.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Frodo saves Sam and allows him to join him.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry defeats Quirrel and Voldemort for now and passes out.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Anakin loses to Obi-Wan, getting his legs cut off, then is left for dead in the lava.

The Avengers:

New York is saved! The Chitauri all die when the nuke blows up their mothership. And despite the odds, Stark makes it through the portal before it closes.

Despicable Me:

Edith jumps, and Gru catches her. They watch the moon climb the sky up to its rightful place.

♡ Celebration/Funeral!

It’s a wrap! Here, there might be a celebration, a grim funeral, or something like that.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring:

Sam and Frodo continue their journey to Mount Doom while Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli go after Merry and Pippin.

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone:

Harry and Dumbledore talk when Harry wakes up. Ron and Hermione are shown safe and sound. Points are dealt, Gryffindor wins, and the banners change. They all go home for the summer break.

The Avengers:

The news shows people's reaction to the Avengers. The remaining A on Stark Tower is symbolic of their triumph.

Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith:

Padme dies from heartbreak while giving birth to Luke and Leia. Anakin becomes Darth Vader, and Palpatine tells him that he killed his wife in his rage.

Despicable Me:

Gru, the girls, the minions, Doctor Nefarious, and Gru’s mom all celebrate under the moonshine.

♡ The Final Kick!

Especially in a franchise, there’s a set-up for the bigger oncoming story, there might be one last little plot twist, someone we thought died, actually survived, someone we thought survived is revealed to be wounded or sick with something, or just any old regular cliffhanger or teaser. Other times, there’s one last little funny scene.

Examples:

The Avengers:

The Avengers eat Shwarma as a team.

Despicable Me:

Vector is shown in space with a bubble helmet.

But, as with the optional Sneak Peek of the Future or Past Events, this one also works better in movies, and is another one of the few steps that are optional.

♡ Messy Recipe…

Now that we've covered the full Recipe of a Story, it's time to get cooking. Meaning, there’s room for a bit of switching up the order without it completely fucking up the final outcome.

As in Despicable Me’s example, the Inciting Incident happens before the Expo/Intro. Similarly, as was stated, Fun&Games tends to happen simultaneously with Rising Suspense, while other times Fun&Games slowly merge with Rising Suspense, or they’ll come across as two clearly separated parts of the story.

Also, regarding Foreshadowing. In movies, this can happen at the start before anything else, like in the examples. But as I mentioned, this doesn’t usually happen in books. Foreshadowing in books, in the form of flashbacks or flashforwards, tends to happen after we’ve gotten to know the characters better, where either will be supported by context and supply context.

Then, there’s the case of identifying the Low Point. As was listed, this can be anything from a sense that all hope is lost, where the MC seems to have given up, or that the MC is lured into a false sense of peace and safety, where things seem to have gone back to normal, a calm before the storm, only for something to prompt them back into action.

For example, in a romance, this is the point where the MC seems to have accepted that they just weren’t meant to be, only to be reminded of their love somehow, and thus being inspired to take action.

But there’s an important definition here that I must stress; the Low Point is defined by a lack of action, a standstill where the rest of the story is uncertain, not the MC being sad. That being said, however, it usually does entail the MC being sad and feeling defeated, but that isn’t the distinction. 

For example, in The Batman, with Robert Pattinson, the Low Point comes after the Riddler has been locked up in Arkham. The bad guy has been captured, the action comes to a stop, and Batman is thinking it’s all over, there’s a false sense of safety, only for Riddler’s real plan to be revealed, forcing Batman to make a New Plan.

Another thing to discuss is the Point of No Return. This is the part of the story when the MC makes that defining decision, achieving True Self, or failing and falling to the Dark Side. Meaning, they either face their biggest fear or succumb to it.

This is, of course, referred to as the True Self and the Dark Side because of Anakin’s story in Revenge of the Sith. Usually, we see characters achieve their True Self, triumphing over their fears, but in the Tragedy, we see them fail to do this. For example, if Anakin had turned against Palpatine after understanding that he was Sith, then he would have achieved True Self, as we see him do in episode six, Return of the Jedi, when he decides to help Luke. 

Not me nerding out, but before watching the movie, we think the title Return of the Jedi refers to the Jedi as a whole. However, given that Anakin returns from the dark side to the light, becoming a Jedi again, it gives a hidden meaning to the title, referring to Anakin specifically. This would then make the title itself one huge foreshadowing spoiler.

I mean, as a storyteller, you gotta love Star Wars.

However, back to the significance of the Point of No Return, and whether MC achieves their True Self or falls to the Dark Side.

As I said, MC falling to the Dark Side is very uncommon. That being said, though we see it in Revenge of the Sith, we actually also see it in The Lord of the Rings as well, where in the final movie, Return of the King, Frodo falls to the Dark Side when he decides to keep The Ring for himself. If it weren’t for Sam, or ultimately Smeagol, the entire story would have been a Tragedy.

But yes, anyway, in most stories we see the MC achieve True Self, not falling to the Dark Side. However, I should make clear that the Dark Side, though sounding very evil, doesn’t have to be evil in a literal sense.

In a romance, for example, the MC’s issue is usually a fear of commitment. Here, achieving True Self happens when they conquer that fear and choose love. The Dark Side would be them giving in to that fear and letting the love go.

And so, the True Self and the Dark Side don’t refer to good and evil, but to the MC either conquering their fears or letting their fear win.

Moving on! Following the Point of No Return comes the Crisis. Then the Climax and then the Finale.

Short stories and novellas, however, don’t always follow the recipe all the way to the Finale. Sometimes they'll drop off right after the Crisis or the Plot Twist, and let the rest be up to the reader to decide. Otherwise, the outcome of the Crisis will be hinted at, therefore leaving no need for the final Climax and Finale.

But most of the time, I’d say no matter how short the story is, it should and will follow this recipe.

Take, for example, one of my short stories: Sex Therapist Nanami:

ACT ONE — we’re chilling, mostly…

Expo/Intro: The reader’s fear of sex and intimacy is causing her issues, which she wants to fix.

Inciting Incident: To fix her issues, the reader starts seeing Doctor Nanami.

Plot Point One: Nanami diagnoses the reader with Virgin Anxiety.

Fun & Games: Nanami “helps” the reader to overcome her anxiety.

Rising Suspense: Nanami’s “help” turns out to be sketchy as fuck.

ACT TWO — shit’s about to get real!

Pinch One — Conflict: Nanami tells the reader that her anxiety is due to never having seen a real cock before.

Midpoint: Nanami shows the reader his dick.

Pinch Two — Conflict: Feeling uncomfortable, the reader wonders if Nanami is right.

Plot Point Two: The reader listens to Nanami and touches his cock.

Low Point: There's a false sense of safety before more of Nanami’s real intentions are revealed.

ACT THREE — THE FINAL ACT — this is it, boys!

New Plan: The reader realizes she doesn’t want this anymore.

Point of No Return: The reader tells Nanami to stop.

Pinch Three — Crisis: Nanami ignores the reader.

Plot  Twist: The reader sort of enjoys it.

Climax: Nanami puts the reader in a full nelson and gives her the real thing.

Finale: Nanami finishes in the reader’s mouth.

Celebration/Funeral: The reader feels violated and terrified.

The Final Kick: Nanami divulges the rest of his plan to institutionalize the reader.

♡ The Seven Basic Plots by Booker

This is also something interesting you can look into. 

After having read many, many, many great works, Christopher Booker came to the simple conclusion that there only existed seven plots in which a story can unfold.

But that can’t be true, you might say, and you’d be right. “I was waiting for the bus, and then the bus came,” is also a story, and a plot not accounted for in The Seven Basic Plots.

However, it would be safe to say that “I waited for the bus, then the bus came,” is not a very good story, as it doesn't follow the Recipe of a Good Story.

Booker argues something similar, that every great story ever written falls into one of these seven basic plots:

♡ Overcoming the Monster

The protagonist sets out to defeat an antagonistic force, most often evil, that threatens the protagonist, the protagonist's homeland, or both.

Examples:

The Avengers and Harry Potter are examples of this. Another good example is Jaws.

♡ Rags To Riches

The poor protagonist acquires power, wealth, a mate, or all of the above, loses it all, then gains it back, growing as a person as a result.

Examples:

Many children's stories follow this plot, but I think the best example is Bruce Almighty. 

♡ The Quest

The protagonist and company set out to acquire an important object or to get to a location. They face temptations and other obstacles along the way.

Examples:

The Lord of the Rings belongs here. And, I’ll be brave and say that most heist movies fall into this category as well.

♡ Voyage and Return

The protagonist goes to a strange land and, after overcoming the threats it poses or learning important lessons unique to that location, returns with experience.

Examples:

The Hobbit, and all your favorite children’s stories, such as Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, and Narnia, also belong in this category, as well as Back to the Future.

♡ Comedy

Comedy features a light and humorous MC with a happy or cheerful ending. But comedy is about more than just humor. It refers to a pattern where the conflict becomes increasingly chaotic, with many confusions, misunderstandings, and awkward moments, but is finally made plain in a single clarifying event. Here, the MC’s triumph in the plot is highlighted.

Examples:

The majority of romance films fall into this category, such as Just Go With It, Forgetting Sarah Marshal, Bridget Jones Diary, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

♡ Tragedy

The protagonist is a hero with a major character flaw or commits a great mistake, which is ultimately their undoing. The protagonist's unfortunate end is especially tragic because it’s the fall of a fundamentally good character.

Examples:

Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith is the best example of this. But there’s also Bonnie and Clyde, Hamilton, The Picture of Dorian Gray, and The Great Gatsby.

♡ Rebirth

An event forces the protagonist to change their ways and often become a better person.

Examples:

Despicable Me and A Christmas Carol are the best examples, but there’s also The Beauty and the Beast, as well as The Secret Garden. And Even Almighty.

A Combination of All Seven!

Of course, many great stories end up combining a bunch of these. 

Take, for example, The Lord of the Rings:

From Frodo’s POV, it’s a Quest to destroy The Ring in Mount Doom. You might argue he’s Overcoming the Monster, but given he’s not actually fighting The Monster, i.e., Sauron head-on, it’s not fulfilling the requirements of that trope.

Aragorn, on the other hand, is Overcoming the Monster, by fighting the Orc army. He was also meant to be fighting the actual Sauron in the final battle, but they switched him out with a big troll. Which sucks—it would have been so epic if he fought Sauron.

Then, from Saruman's POV, it’s a Tragedy. As we see in The Hobbit, Saruman was morally good, but unfortunately, he was consumed by his fears and fell to the dark side, then paid the price.

This is also the case for Smeagol, who fell under the power of The Ring. And, as mentioned earlier, it was or would have been the case for Frodo as well. If it weren’t for Sam, the entire story would have been a Tragedy.

We can also look at The Hobbit for further reference:

From Bilbo’s POV, it’s a classic Voyage and Return. But from the dwarves' POV, it’s a Quest to take back their Homeland. The Pale Orc has the same Quest, also wanting the Lonely Mountain as a strategic stronghold for a returning Sauron. Bard the Bowman of Laketown is Overcoming the Monster, i.e., Smaug the Dragon. And from Legolas' POV, it’s actually a Rebirth—where he starts off acting like his father, and ends up becoming more like the Legolas we know and love from The Lord of the Rings.

I’m a huge nerd when it comes to all of this, and think it’s really fun looking at movies or reading books and categorizing them.

However, from an objective POV, I’d say The Seven Basic Plots are less important than The Recipe of a Good Story, as whatever story you end up writing, it will naturally fall into one of Booker’s seven tropes no matter what. It’s more or less inevitable.

But that’s not the case with the recipe. As with good food, if the recipe is poorly followed, then the story has a high chance of failing.

♡ How Do I Cook?

I’d say this recipe often comes naturally for writers who’ve been writing for a while. Even without ever having seen the recipe, they already follow it intuitively. This is, of course, because after having seen or read hundreds of movies, series, and books, this recipe has already integrated itself into the way we want a story to unfold, making us subconsciously follow it without even realizing it.

And so, no, I don’t start all my stories with plotting in all these points from Expo/Intro to Inciting Incident and the Finale—as that sort of just happens by itself.

However, any time I see one of my stories not scratching the itch for some reason, I’ll use this recipe to see where it is that I’m lacking. And so, it’s definitely not a bad exercise.

I also think there’s a lot of merit in doing this exercise with movies or books you really enjoyed, as the answer to why that story was so satisfying is most likely hidden in how they followed the recipe.

So, I’d definitely recommend trying it out!

♡ NIGHTMARE'S HELPDESK

[galactic-magick]

Are the hobbits good at sex? AKA hobbit whore hours

Features both x Reader and x canon headcanons. Special thanks to bestie @supremeleaderoofpoof for discussing all of this with me and listening to me talk about hobbits literally nonstop lol

Frodo:

No, he’s not. He will absolutely learn though.

I think he’d find it really difficult to be in the moment. He’d need a partner who’s very patient and willing to take the lead most times.

He would be very good about aftercare, though. He loves cuddling up after and reading a book together.

He’d like to take things slow, both in a relationship in general and with sex. I headcanon him as demisexual personally. Like I genuinely don’t think sex is on his mind most of the time until he has that super deep connection with someone.

He’d be a super good kisser though I think. He loves kissing.

With Samwise, he’d be a pillow princess lmao. As I will talk about later, Sam is a PRO so Frodo would not have to worry about a thing. Sam has no problem taking the lead and focusing on Frodo’s pleasure over his own.

Samwise:

I don’t think I have to explain anything but I will anyway. Sam is INSANELY good at sex. Like, he canonically had 13 children, okay? All I’m saying is Rosie was getting treated GOOD

LOVES oral. Mostly giving but also receiving. He’s so good with his mouth it’s unreal

He’d be so nervous at first, whether it’s his first time ever or just with a new partner, but once he gets the hang of it he’s so confident and passionate

Aftercare legend as well. Doesn’t matter how tired he is, he’ll wind down with you and make a nice meal and bath before falling asleep, although once he’s older and there’s a bunch of kids he might pass out but he doesn’t mean to lol

Merry:

I don’t know why but I get the vibe from Merry that he thinks he’s very good at flirting and sex but he is absolutely not. It’s not because he’s disrespectful or selfish or anything like that, he just lacks some social awareness and always embarrasses himself when he tries to flirt.

So no, he’s not good at it, but he could be taught. You’d have to guide him a lot and tell him exactly what you want him to do. He’s very good at following directions, he just doesn’t have the innate instinct of how to move or where to put his hands etc.

Once he gets better at it though, I think he could be a switch. In canon I feel like Estella Bolger probably pegs him and he loves it lol

He’s the type to fall asleep right after sex. He feels bad about not staying up for aftercare but he always tires himself out. He prefers morning and day sex for this reason, he’d love doing it as the sunshine streams in through the windows and he’d even be down to do it outside by the river.

Pippin:

I’m definitely biased because he’s my hobbit husband but I genuinely think he would be good. He’s a golden retriever lover boy at heart and would do everything he can to make his partner feel amazing.

Also really good at eating out. You’re his seventh meal of the day, okay? He lovesss oral.

Has crazy stamina. He’ll go for as many rounds as you’ll let him.

His dick is bigger than average for a hobbit. Not to the point of it being painful, but still. I think in general the Tooks are bigger than average because they have an ancestor who was super tall and there’s theories of them having elf ancestry as well.

He’s a complete cuddle bug, so aftercare is very cozy and lovey dovey. He likes skin to skin contact and singing you to sleep. He also canonically loves baths and will definitely splash you.

Bilbo (Hobbit Trilogy Version):

He’s not, but he does have a lot of knowledge about it. He loves his books, and I’m sure there’s at least some books in The Shire about how sex works. So he knows how to do everything in theory but not in practice, basically.

He’s a fast learner, though. He would get the hang of it pretty quickly and get better with time.

Doesn’t have much stamina though. One round and he’s satisfied usually. And then he just wants to hold you by the fire with some tea.

With Thorin, he’d be in for quite the adventure lol. I headcanon dwarves as the freakiest of all the Middle Earth races so Thorin would introduce him to things that were definitely not in his books.

That said, I think Bilbo would be open to some kinky stuff.

General hobbit headcanons about marriage and sex:

Sex is not a taboo topic whatsoever among hobbits. It’s considered a natural and normal part of life and it’s not censored in conversation. Hobbits value love, marriage, and children greatly, and there’s really no reason for it to be a big deal.

Hobbits do tend to be fairly traditional though in their relationships. They usually go through a courting stage when they’re interested in marriage, and usually don’t have sex until their wedding night. Nobody would be shunned or judged if they didn’t wait, it’s just not the norm.

Divorce is unheard of in the Shire mainly due to everyone taking their time to choose their partners and being super loyal and devoted. Absolutely no “I hate my wife/husband” jokes, couples are genuinely in love with each other, and any mistreatment of one’s partner would be detrimental to your reputation.

Nobody’s going to the marriage bed knowing nothing. Young hobbits coming of age are educated by their parents and older siblings generally, and it’s not considered weird to ask questions about it. Hobbits aren’t super medically advanced, but they’re at least familiar with the anatomy and how stuff works.

Hobbits love going down on their partners. It’s weird if one doesn’t, honestly.

Everyone has full bushes. Hobbits are very hairy and they’ve probably never even heard of a razor. Body hair is so normal for them. And yes it’s curly lol.

Their dicks are generally more girthy than long. Dick size isn’t really a topic of concern though, hobbits don’t really care about it.

Hobbits aren’t usually freaky or kinky. There’s some that are, but it’s not the norm. They are very very passionate though.

They are very affectionate and silly during sex, they don’t get super serious during it. It’s supposed to be fun and full of love. Lots of smiles and laughter more than screaming lol. It’s not a performance.

There’s no birth control in The Shire, so if you’re one of the rare hobbits that doesn’t want children you’re going to have to get real good at pulling out or tracking your cycle lmao

[raviosrupees]

My parent rates LU Link's based on first impressions

[warning foul language, mention of alcohol, and my parents very negative impression of Wars !!! note this is my parents impression based off of the LU concept sketches + descriptions. a lot of em aren't accurate]

TIME

Very God of War, Kratos. PTSD Link.

when all the others are hanging out he's in the cups. He fought the moon? Sounds about right. Everyone else is talking and goofing off and he's got the thousand yard stare.

No one talks about how he cant get a full nights sleep. Please let him nap. Maybe let the owl take a nap too.

*stares at him for a very long time, before taking a sip of mimosa*

TWILIGHT

blond hiccup [httyd] very viking. Humble? Hiccup. Animal whisperer? Does he have a dragon? he turns in to a wolf? good for hiccup. getting over a complicated relationship? ...... h-

OH HE HAS GOATS? I love goats! Love this guy.

WARRIORS

Ah, douchy paladin! Yeah he's got the hip flex, he knows he's the shit. Very prideful? Of course you are. Leader type? Women problems? Not surprised. [said they most wanted to punch this one]

"This one writes himself. On Reddit forums"

FOUR [their 3rd fav]

"eeny meeny hippy genie" They've got the weird flowy scarf hat, they're super tiny! Dwarf.. chaos gremlin-- No that's a changeling! I don't think that's actually a Link, I think they faked their way in. Not that I blame them, its a pretty cool crew to be a part of. Spy for the fae realm.

WILD

5th grade school photo link. He's really excited for his first day of school and has a planner for all of his classes.

Good at navigation? Kudos for being a good boy scout.

Her 2nd favorite.

WILD

"Legolas Link" he likes to run on snow, flip his hair back + forth and shit talk dwarves [changeling doesn't like that]

"takes any questioning of his princess too personally? Why are they questioning his princess in the first place? *squints* Why is he so upset? Feel like maybe we need some codependency therapy-

IDENTITY CRISIS DUE TO MEMORY LOSS???? oh no, there we go, the therapy- INSECURE? THE ONLY ONE THAT FAILED? Dude, I think douchy paladin needs to take him to therapy-, maybe it'll convince him to get some too.

Proceeds to go into a rant about his sheikah tech being called weird magic: "Why are they calling his magic weird? That's rude ! They need to have more open minds, no wonder he's insecure! He just needs to feel confident and supported in his new environment and they're not being very supportive right now!"

*orders another mimosa*

LEGEND [their favorite]

"We've got stoner wizard link..." "Which one?" "He's wearing red, and like a fancy staff with a ball at the end for walloping on people who say he's not a real wizard" He just smacks em and says duh yes I am, but usually he doesn't bother with it bc he's too chill.

He's the Millenial of the linked universe. "Chooses not to be a leader type? 'Nope, Im good, just here for a paycheck not a promotion. Some PTO would be nice. Another adventure? He'd rather start a commune"

"Seems unaffected by his adventures?" Uhh he is though. He's just delusional about it now.

HYRULE

Classic link [true] silent generation, nobody acknowledges him. "just happy to be included," mistaken as a hobbit.

"He's actually a traveler, never stays in one place" "Ah so post adventure Bilbo baggins, who wants to see mountains again."

*starts singing "the road goes ever on and on"*

SKY

Foppy link. Fabulous haircut, cape swooped over one shoulder with the gorgeous coloring, contrasting belt-- he knows color schemes way too well, he could be in project runway.

"Not the leader type? Sure he's too busy worrying about fabric swatches. Views the master sword as a blessing? Yeah, I bet he does."

Very confidently decided his Zelda is a beard.

[elodieunderglass]

C, the friend for whom I am writing an entire Dungeon Meshi/His Dark Materials crossover fanfiction, sent me a little message along the lines of “I love your chilchuck. I think it’s because you’re so strong on hobbits. What would the LotR hobbits think of him?”

So I go, naturally “they’d loathe him on sight! They wouldn’t recognise him as the same species.”

(Summarise the following small digression on how I don’t really agree with Peter Jackson’s choice to give the film hobbits pointy ears, as they’re meant to be our <human> closest relations, plus a small infodump on how MUCH Tolkien’s hobbits would want to kill chilchuck on sight)

Me: Well, Bilbo in his younger years would actually be desperately into that. And the more progressive generation of the fellowship hobbits would be a little more accepting, largely because of their societal shift towards tolerance and their possible acceptance of Chilchuck as an extraordinarily short fallohide/Took. Except Merry. merry would be like hello! This is Indiana jones!?!!?!! How come nobody else has noticed that this is definitely a hobbit and also tiny Indiana Jones

C: Chilchuck is tall for his race!

Me: you think I don’t know that? After doing all this for you? They aren’t hobbits though. Hobbits are for one thing a lot taller

C: he’s a hobbit!

Me: he is not! Hobbits are 4 feet average, and chilchuck, despite being tall for his race, is materially MUCH shorter and not a hobbit.

C: sorry what

Me: (slightly drunk and aggressive with it) How quickly we forget that the bullroarer, Bandobras Took, was four foot five !!! He could ride a horse!

Me: A fact that I absorbed when being four foot five and an aspiring equestrian only allowed on quite small horses. remember how in the psychological assessment I had when I was six they devoted so much time to me wanting to be a jockey??? I will know these things

Me: Pippin’s a whole HEAD taller than your guy

Me: apologise to me

Me: how quickly we forget

Me: not a hobbit

Me: Merry is still VIOLENTLY into that though

Me: despite his creepy rock climber feet

C: who (dr glass?) <has creepy rock climber feet>

Me: (now Friday night at the local pub drunk) no doesn’t chilchuck have creepy weird rock climber feet in canon? He binds his feet for that right

C: those are his socks. Is that a rock climber thing??

Me: yeah you know!! They do that to fit into CREVASSES. Or they did when Dr glass was young. In the paleolithic. Or is he a flat arch hiking bitch like me

Me: those aren’t socks

Me: socks are defined by sockishness

Me: is that not physiotherapist prescribe tape slash creepy competitive rock climber feet

C: what are you talking about

Me: you only bandage your feet like that to tape up a flat foot like mine for hiking support or because you’re a little pissy rock climber

[pollkien]

FINROD PROPAGANDA:

“Finrod was like his father in his fair face and golden hair, and also in noble and generous heart, though he had the high courage of the Ñoldor and in his youth their eagerness and unrest; and he had also from his Telerin mother a love of the sea and dreams of far lands that he had never seen” come ON if that doesn’t scream sexy idk what does

Literally killed a werewolf with his bare hands. 10/10 hot

Discovered the Edain, and sang so prettily that the Edain thought he was one of the Valar. Bëor’s people were all loyal to the house of Finarfin after because of him

Founded Nargothrond and nearly got murdered in his sleep like a cutie. Mim just couldn’t handle how sexy he was

The House of Finarfin was literally the most beautiful noldorin house anyway

The dwarves made the Nauglamir for him so he must be incredibly cute and handsome.

Had the balls to get into a singing competition with Sauron. He lost but still. It’s the thought that counts

Blond <3

So loyal to his oaths. Cute

Is there any character who hates Finrod? No. Because he's perfect.

I think he moans cutely in bed

EARENDIL PROPAGANDA:

Descendant of all three houses of the Edain!!

Literally called “the Blessed” in the book. Blessed with what? Supreme sexiness, clearly.

“Of surpassing beauty was Eärendil, for a light was in his face as the light of heaven, and he had the beauty and the wisdom of the Eldar and the strength and hardihood of the Men of old” you can’t even argue that he wasn’t sexy because Jirt himself said so.

So many songs were written about him. Even Bilbo sang a song about him.

He was the first guy ever to land on the Undying Lands, and we all know what happened to Ar-Pharazôn when he did the same thing, so Eärendil must’ve been one special boy.

If you guys think wife guys are sexy, Eärendil gave up his wish of being with his people to be an elf with Elwing. And then he couldn’t even see his family because he has to guard Morgoth’s stupid ass.

Managed to convince the Valar to actually do something. Very cute. Very handsome.

His ship was even blessed by the Valar. Very demure

Slew Ancalagon, the biggest, baddest dragon ever.

Wears a Silmaril on his eyebrow. If that’s not sexy idk what is. I hope his eyes are ok

Seems like a wife guy

Also looks like he has impossibly good dick game

[futuretimelord-468]

For the ask ship ask game, Thilbo (I wish to understand this ship)

okay omg. there is just so much to say tbh. Thilbo (or Bagginshield or Bilbo/Thorin from the Hobbit) is like currently my number 3 ship of all time. I am obsessed with them and I cannot let them go.

What made me ship them? : When you watch the Hobbit trilogy I really feel that Richard Armitage (Thorin) and Martin Freeman (Bilbo) really took steps to add in subtext for the two. There is just so much there to dig into if you are a 'reading between the lines' enjoyer. Especially after a rewatch now as a full adult there is just so much extra to chew on with how they showed the characters.

I also just really find them adorable together like visually. Theyre the grumpy old man yaoi i love to love and there is so much you can expand on and enjoy in fic/fandom. I really think they are soulmates and it is so fun to analyize their characters.

What are your favorite things about the ship? : I love their character dynamic so much. I am so used to seeing "sunshine character and grumpy character" but both of them are grumpy older men XD. I also love a royalty dynamic as well. Thorin is King Under the Mountain and my favorite happy ending for them is when Bilbo stays in Erebor and becomes Consort Under the Mountain. (We ignore canon in this house, Thorin survived the war and he and Bilbo lived happily ever after)

Another favorite thing with this ship for me is the pleathora of "Culture Shock" "Cultural Misunderstanding" "Courting Customs" type fics. Since Thorin is a Dwarf and Bilbo is a Hobbit. They come from two entirely different races and it is incredibly fun to headcannon what cultural rules/customs are for each and the fanfic sillyness that can occur because of it.

Another, SIZE DIFFERENCE! Dwarves and Hobbits are not alarmingly different in height from what we have seen/know, but dwarves are vastly stockier than hobbits and generally more muscled. I adore this visual difference and it makes for some incredible art/fic.

I could go on, and would be happy to send you more info/supporting documents in DMs if you wish haha. Genuinely I recommend watching the trilogy again with the idea they are falling in love in mind. Richard specifically put in the WORK for Thorin to feel like he was down BAD for Bilbo.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? : This one is a mixed bag. I really dislike "Reshirement". Which is a common situation where Bilbo and Thorin will leave Erebor following the quest and return to the Shire together. Usually with Thorin abdicating his throne to have a simple life in the Shire.

I will admit I like this trope occasionally, especally if it is treated as actual retirement. Meaning that Thorin and Bilbo spend quite a long while ruling Erebor together before they retire to the shire for a peaceful end.

I really dislike it when they leave very soon after the end of the quest and the reclamation of Erebor. I personally feel like that is out of character for Thorin as he had spent around a century dreaming of returning home, and that he fought so hard to reclaim his mountain. It just falls flat more often than not when they leave for the shire right away.

In summary. I love them so much your honor. They're soulmates to me and they should have gotten a happy ending together. (what am i talking about ofc they did haha theyre fine...)

I really recommend giving the movies a fresh watch with the mental image of them being possible in mind.

Thank you for the ask!! 💙💙💙

[kateksmallcuteowl]

June 29: Single Parents/Uncles AU for an event by @bagginshieldweek24

I deeply regret that the challenge is a day late! Exams are merciless to me, and even though I started drawing in advance, I still couldn’t handle the deadline 😅 I promise to catch up with feedback tomorrow, after passing bioinformatics exam.

More headcanons and details under the cut>>

— It’s an alternative Middle-earth universe with hobbits, humans, dwarves, and elves, but set in modern times.

— Thorin grew up in Erebor in a royal family (which makes sense), is accustomed to good coffee, can distinguish different types, and knows which brewing devices are best. Now he has moved to London for work and discovered that both dwarf and human coffee shops would often use cheap beans or bad coffee machines, or they grind the beans incorrectly, or even set the wrong amount of grams of coffee per espresso shot. In general, they save money wherever they can, mostly selling the vibe and relying on the fact that taste isn’t important to most of the customers. Elves occupy the niche of coffee connoisseurs, but Thorin would rather drink filter coffee from a kettle on the roadside than go to elves. And then he discovers that hobbits, little hedonists, love good food and GOOD COFFEE! Of course, in hobbit cafes, he has to sit on low chairs and by the small tables, and at first, the other patrons looked at the dwarf in their company strangely, but it’s worth it. Thorin is willing to sit with a bent back if he gets a quiet and cozy atmosphere, excellent Wi-Fi, and delicious coffee (an office in London is good, but sometimes you need to get out of the four walls to not get nuts).

— Thorin rarely drinks pure espresso, preferring softer variations. He also has a sweet-tooth.

— Bilbo is a children’s book writer, mainly known for a series of fantasy novels about a brave hobbit who traveled over and under the mountains, rode in barrels, and played riddles in the dark (Bilbo, in canon, wrote his memoirs, which all hobbits except Merry and Frodo knew primarily for Hobbiton children, so I think he would primarily write for little hobbit kids).

— It’s not a real feather he uses, but a ballpoint pen with attached feathers, like those sold in souvenir shops. Bilbo bought it after a tour to the Tower of London. He likes the ✨vibe✨ and the fact that he can twirl the feather part around his lips when he’s thinking. (It’s literally an instruction on how to seduce Thorin)

— Mr. Baggins only drinks doppio. The cup is big compared to him because it’s hobbit ceramics, and the portion sizes for hobbits, who love treats, are no smaller than human ones.

— Bilbo has taken care of Frodo since his parents drowned in an accident. Frodo is about 8-9 years old here.

— I love the headcanon that hobbits’ ears react to their emotions, so the fact that Frodo doesn’t lower them when Bilbo scolds him is a good sign. Bilbo is a good uncle.

— Thorin and Bilbo have seen each other several times on Wednesdays. Usually, they don’t care about other patrons, but barista keept trying to serve a doppio to the stern scowling dwarf in black leather jacket, and a cappuccino with whipped cream to the little curly hobbit in a plaid sweater. They’ve had to swap their drinks several times.

— Thorin read Mr. Baggins’ books to his nephews in Erebor and quickly figured out who always sits at the table near the window in his favorite cafe. Thorin likes Bilbo’s books but doesn’t know if he’s married because he keeps his personal life private. Seeing Frodo, he immediately assumed he was Bilbo’s son, considering how the little hobbit looks at him.

— Bilbo immediately noticed the stern ( handsome) dwarf sitting with his eyes glued to his phone, but he always felt too awkward to speak with him. How do you even start a conversation with a stranger, especially from another race? So when Frodo, rather bluntly, commented on his appearance, of course, Bilbo was embarrassed. No, he absolutely agrees with Frodo. The exotic braids, unusual for short-haired hobbits, look amazing on the tall dwarf, and the iron clips highlight his blue eyes perfectly, but isn’t that a bit rude to point that out? Wouldn’t a dwarf decide that he is trying to mock his culture?

— Bilbo saw that while he was scolding Frodo, Thorin turned away and for some reason tugged angrily at his braid, so he decided to muster the courage and compliment him himself to ease the awkwardness and not seem rude (not at all because he would gladly say what Frodo did himself and not because Mr. Dwarf has much more attractive features he’d also like to make a comment on, not at all, what are you talking about, no-no-no).

— The dwarf didn’t seem offended at all.

— They started talking and found out that Thorin’s nephews love Bilbo’s books (Bilbo was flattered by this news. He’s still surprised when his books are read by anyone other than hobbits. (Gandalf didn’t tell him that his books are popular among all races. Mostly because for other races they play the role of kids books where main protagonist is a cute mice)).

— And in the end, as we see, they exchanged numbers 🌚🌝

— They will meet again, but without Frodo and not just for coffee.

— The end✨✨✨

I’m still experimenting with a flat-color style and lineart so I’ll be glad to know what do you think about it. Hope the comic was enjoyable!

[freebee303]

I am about to rant about the movies and acting and such, I want to make it clear that I am merely a film student with nothing but a certificate for the time being therefor I am not a professional with any professional opinion.

This is just me and my thoughts as a NYFA graduate and a gay ass BagginShield shipper.

The amount of times Tauriel and Kili’s love story is paralleled with Bilbo and Thorin’s scenes is literally a filmmaking technique to portray the two relationships without getting castigated by the audience.

Which also brings to my attention a possibility of Tauriel being made a character for the heavily disapproved of and messy love triangle thing, as a way to draw the attention away from Martin and Richard making Bilbo and Thorin’s story one of beautifully grown friendship, to love, to an toxic and tragic end.

Sound familiar? Because that’s similar to Kili and Tauriel, though they had the freedom of exploring more into the romance then the friendship that the main characters had to work with. Because who wants to see a straight couple slow burn? Plenty but not people who ogle at hot red heads such as myself, (I love my girlfriend guys).

——

Example 1:

The scene of Balin telling Thorin that someone needs to go save Bilbo (while he’s in with Smaug).

Cuts to Bofur giving Tauriel the weed and asking what she’s going to do with it, she responds by saying “I’m going to save him”

Clean cut back to Thorin running into the mountain, not for the gold as he hasn’t even seen it yet, but he’s looking for Bilbo.

Example 2:

Tauriel crying over Kili, asking Thranduil why it hurt so much, and knowing the comfort she needed, he tells her; “because it was real.”

Then we get to Bilbo crying over Thorin, Gandalf sitting down with him and just being there, knowing the comfort that Bilbo needed.

——

And yes I did in fact rant to my Poppy about this before finishing it and ended up in an in depth discussion about Peter Jackson’s directing on it in general. Normal Sunday night tbh.

Anyway THANK YOU FOR THIS TED TALK ❤️🫶🏿