#i love you arson goat

[sweaterkittensahoy]

A neighbor has two of these on their porch, and on the one hand, I wanna leave a box of matches with a bow. On the other, I don't want to freak them out.

Yesterday I went to IKEA and bought a small straw goat, since we are in temporary accommodation over Christmas and it would be nice to have something small and cheerful.

I come downstairs this morning to find THIS

Thanks, housemate

[followmetoyourdoom]

Personally, I think the best way to burn the Gävle goat would be to infiltrate the security team, play the long game y'know. Join the team and keep the goat safe for 3 or 4 years, maybe even 10 years, make them trust you, maybe marry a fellow security person. Then, when they least expect it, whoosh up goes the goat, your beloved is the first on the scene, you see the devastation in their eyes as they ask 'why? Was it all a con?' And you will sweep your beloved off their feet and dip them in front of the blazing goat as the head crumbles into itself sending up a column of dramatic flames. And you will declare your love for two things: arson, and them. And then you sloppy kiss and run away from the law together.

Eighteen years later, a young person who looks suspiciously like the both of you joins the security team...

[gimmick-blog-bracket]

Now for the final round!

@hellsitegenetics

I love them

I didn't know I needed to know that the weed-smoking girlfriends post was genetically a wolf, but I did, and I do. Also puts great stuff on my dash.

it’s so fun to be scrolling unhinged posts and then boom. an organism!

so many moths‼ also, unexpected comedy with some of the matches

perfect blend of silly and informative, and makes for an excellent punchline at the end of a long post. puts creatures on my dash. literally what more could you ask for

It's a really unique blog concept and a lot of times the results are pretty funny. It's great when the sequence matches the post content too!

Creatures 👍

Finds beautiful creatures out of the mess of the hellsite

Offers finality AND gives us a creechur.

I love them. English speakers talk like moths

If this blog wins, they could run the text of the winning announcement, and determine the post's genus and species!

They're also very good about tagging the type of creature depicted in the results, so as long as you mute tags of creatures you don't want to see, it's a very fun time seeing iconic legacy posts (and new submissions) being reduced down to a string of letters and assigned a random species of fish or moth or something!

uhh it’s cool

BLAST

There are so many weird bugs in the world

Yippee!!

If, as Haldane said, God has an inordinate fondness for beetles, then surely this blog proves that Tumblr has an inordinate fondness for moths.

Top tier blog as a geneticist, I love seeing obscure organisms and MOTH

Admin got rate limited after trying to blast the bee movie

the knowledge of biology to pull this off (i have taken one biology class in my life) and also the work to find all the strings honestly deserves quite a bit of praise

This gimmick blog has it all: science, pictures of animals, interaction with the text of other peoples' posts, interesting information, and a unique and fun premise. As a biologist, I'm rooting for hellsitegenetics to reach the end and take the tournament, because it is truly a standout among gimmick blogs.

If they win, perhaps this blog too shall become a cool organism :3

@hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

What's more happy holiday cheer than cheering on the destruction of a giant straw goat?

The birds may have won 2023, but I believe in humanity's capability for arson for 2024 <3

a vote for me is a vote for arson! This message was approved by hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

gavle is SUCH a public service and holiday feature

what's more tumblr than comical destruction and holidays?

sometimes you just gotta vote with your matchsticks

Bringing a cultural staple to tumblr since 2021

Arson is so much more fun

It would be really funny and ironic if it survives the tournament

you have no idea how much joy watching the chronicling of the gavlebocken brings me every year

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet provides an essential public service

always love seeing a bit of Swedish history on my dash 'Swedish bamboo season'

the goat account is peak gimmick blog

If I don't get to beat the goat then nobody does. -pointless-achievements

Never ask Tumblr to choose between lies and arson! The winner threatens by nature to rip apart the very fabric of our DNA!

goat statues made out of straw are exciting and interesting

I wanna see things burn

the goat is an essential part of tumblr culture and the goat blog is a sacred keeper of the tumblr high holidays

watching to see if the big straw goat has burned down each year is a true delight, something I never knew existed until tumblr and the blog dedicated to it

the incredibly focused nature of @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is what makes their gimmick superior.

Please guys bite gavlebocken

Look, I'm Danish. I was put on this earth to annoy the Swedes and vice versa, but even I voted for @/hasgavlebockenburneddownyet

gavlebocken is also such a fun name and this blog informed be about its existence, so for that I am grateful

hasgavlebockenburneddownyet is providing a vital service! Every year, people rely on their updates regarding the fate of our most beloved Yule Goat! How could they NOT deserve the win!?

sacred anti-corporate arson

a vote for gävlebocken is a vote for anarchy!

pls vote for them they're the funniest gimmick keeping track on the funniest phenomena in recent human history, like when i look at their acc i think to myself this is what tumblr was created for

the goat is the GOAT

HASGAVLEBOCKENBURNEDDOWNYET DESERVES TO WIN, I have them on post alert for a REASON

the holiday season wouldn't be the same without them

they do important reporting. Do you look at the news and be like 'the reporters aren't doing work they're just telling you whats happening.' Have some respect for the goat news

let the weird burnt sacrificial ritual of it all appeal to you

nothing makes my December more interesting, arson should win

doesn't barge in on other peoples posts which is always a good thing in my books. not a fan when obnoxious gimmick blogs turn a decent post into a garbled mess

[arolesbianism]

What if instead of posting abt the random card au characters that are actually from the medias I made the au for I just post more abt the ocs that don't matter at all and that no one cares abt. Anyways currently thinking abt the magic user that started the bond that An is a part of. Little autism creature that goes ehehehehheheeheeheeheeeeheheheheeehee

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Oooh, new goat destruction method just dropped!!

https://sverigesradio.se/artikel/gavlebockens-ovantade-hot-faglarna-ater-upp-den

Please tell me you read Swedish 😂

THE BIRDS ARE ON OUR SIDE!!!

Due to some change in how the straw was stored (i think) theres more actual seeds left on them and apparently a lot of birds have been slowly eating the goat 😂

yeah eat that goat!

[duelacadatoolshed]

it's a bitch convincing people to like you {Evan/Reader/HABIT}

Part 2/4

{ part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 }

Summary: Despite all of HABITS's neon red flags, you stay with Evan. On the pros and cons list of your relationship, there's only really one, and yes it's a big one, but you decide that it's worth it. HABIT deciding to start coercing you into being complicit in his atrocities, since his ego doesn't like that you refuse to think he's special, is actually less of a down-side to you than anyone might think, though you'd take that thought to the grave.

Warnings: suturing a wound, violence, HABIT breaks a bone in your hand, arson, mind manipulation, knives, murder, mentions of torture, HABIT typical cruelty & behaviour. Unedited.

A/N: continuing to emhpost in 2024. HABIT is distressingly fun to write. I love HABIT and reader's dynamic, Alexa play No Children by The Mountain Goats. That's not the song for this chapter, but it is the song for their relationship. Hand in unlovable hand. Again, like it if you like it, if you like, or comment, or anything. Print it, shred it, grind the remains to powder that you can cut with coke, and snort it. If you hate it, tape it to a punching bag.

Evan wakes with a start, terror in his eyes, and starts apologising so much the second he sees you that he quickly becomes incoherent. As he scrambled to sit up, your cool facade breaks and you smile at him, taking his face in your hands, assuring him that everything was fine. It seems like he can't quite believe you, forehead pressed to yours as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, still apologising all the while.

The two of you stay like that, on your kitchen floor, for almost an hour until you finally convince him to shower. He spends another hour in there, emerging wrapped in a towel, and you sheepishly tell him you bought him some s sweat pants, thinking something like this would happen. Evan turns pink actually looking a little endeared at that, and he changes in the bathroom before coming back to join you in bed. You ask him if he remembers anything, he admits that he doesn't, that that's why he was terrified to wake up and see you, so scared something had happened to you. He's glad, but still genuinely shocked, to know nothing had. Well, almost nothing. He is quick to clean the shallow knife wound in your back, but grimaces when he mentions that it'll probably need stitches. Again, you hesitate but admit to going overboard with getting medical supplies after researching him and HABIT. Evan goes very quiet at that, before asking what you'd learned.

You hand him the suturing needle and medical thread, and ask if he's okay to do this. Swallowing hard, he tells you he is, that he's done it before for the guys. The rest of EverymanHYBRID, you realise. So you lay on your bed, and Evan sits beside you, taking care of your wound as you try your best to explain your research.

"I'm sorry if I come off like a creepy stalker-" you mumbled softly, but Evan, who'd finished stitching you up and was now dressing the wound, cuts you off.

"I should have told you before any of this happened," he paused, sighing deeply, "I didn't know how. I didn't-" his voice catches in his throat, and his hands still against your back, "I'm sorry," he mutters finally, "it's a fucking miracle that you're alive and it's my fault for being a coward and putting you in that position. We hadn't even been together that long, I - fuck," he hisses, "thank you for taking me in for the night despite everything, I'll get out of your hair tomorrow." Slowly, you sit, getting to your knees, regarding him with a soft smile.

"There's no way I would have believed you if you'd told me," you admitted, "I have no clue how you'd even start that conversation," you laugh softly, and Evan's just looking at you with the saddest little expression, "but believe it or not, this isn't a deal breaker for me; I care about you, Evan." You take his hand; Evan looks at your fingers laced with his like he can't quite believe it.

"You should be running far, far away from me," he mumbled, but you gave his hand a squeeze.

"HABIT, probably. You? No."

For a long moment, Evan just looks at you, wide eyed, disbelieving. Then, all at once, he surges forwards, kissing you frantically. He peppers you with kisses, telling you he loves you, and something eases in your chest when you finally get the chance to say it back.

Later, the two of you curled up beneath the duvet, Evan holding you securely against his chest, he asks you about what happened earlier that night with HABIT. What had you said to end up with only a bruised cheek and shallow knife wound to the back, but alive. So you recount the conversation to the best of your ability, parts of which actually startle a laugh from Evan at your boldness.

"You're actually kind of terrifying," he laughs, grin pressed to your back, "I can't believe you."

"I know I've poked the bear," you admitted softly, "I know he's going to hurt me, probably badly, probably even kill me, but..." you trailed off, "it doesn't feel scary when it feels inevitable. I know we haven't been together long, but I really, really like you, Evan, so a little bit of pain isn't the end of the world. I know your heart is good. HABIT's isn't, but he's not you."

Evan's holding you so tightly it feels like your ribs are about to crack. He has no words in this moment, so you just gently tell him to get some rest. There's more to talk about, but that can happen tomorrow.

For a long time after that, things with Evan are good. Really good. Still, he's adamant that you don't spend the night at his place even if you've been over there countless times. If HABIT wakes you up again, there's far too many weapons around for him to sleep comfortably with you in his arms.

Sometimes he will disappear for days at a time. You know it's HABIT. Sometimes he'll text you during these periods.

[what's your address again?]

[nice try habit. fuck off]

[🥺 PLEASE I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU]

[is it a weapon to injure me with?]

[YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE]

[no you're just predictable]

[YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH]

Evan is thoroughly disconcerted by these exchanges whenever he comes back to himself. He always apologises for them even though you assure him he has nothing to apologise for. You help where you can with his investigations while keeping up with your own studies and keeping tabs on HABIT out of curiosity.

Except then there comes a day where you're out with Evan at the museum, and when he disappears for a moment to look at something, HABIT is the one who comes back. You can tell just by looking at him, the way he seems kind of lost, almost confused and disgusted to be here, that it's him.

And the smile that lights up his face when he sees you is a dead giveaway. If he weren't a monster, it might actually be endearing. Instead, you begin to grow a little nauseous, but don't let it show on your face.

"Rabbit, you are a sight for sore eyes," he loops his arm in yours forcefully, voice low in your ear, "were we on a date?" He teases sharply. As you try and wrench your arm out of his grip, he just holds you tighter, tutting disapprovingly.

"I was on a date, with Evan," you spat back icily. His nails dig into your arm uncomfortably as he calls you quaint. When you cut to the chase and ask him what the hell he wants, HABIT sucks a sharp breath in between his teeth, calling you a stubborn bitch under his breath. You elbow him in response and he tells you to watch it.

"Today, you're gonna be my good, little helper, and you're gonna play along, or I'll make you play along."

"Well not to skip the foreplay but I'm not going to play along, so either posses me or piss off," you told him candidly, much to HABIT's ongoing frustration.

"You're such a buzz kill," he actually whined, and you couldn't help but smirk at that, "there's no fun in that."

"I know," you couldn't help but snort, "you should probably just kill me." HABIT is quiet for a very few long moments after that, though he's still steering you both towards the exit, "you're thinking about it, aren't you?" Your tone is teasing, and he makes an amused noise in the back of his throat.

"Making a pros and cons list in my head, except I can't find any real cons."

"So why aren't you maiming me? I know you have no problems causing a spectacle," in the sunshine, you stop, turning to him. By now you know how to play this game, you think you know the answer. It's there in the way he looks at you, like you're a puzzle he's enjoying the game of solving. Except you're surprised by how much you like the way he's looking at you.

"Call it intellectual curiosity."

"Your ego can't handle the fact that I don't think you're special for wanting to hurt or kill me," you counter. This conversation really shouldn't be this light, you really should speak with even a bit more caution than you do. But then HABIT smiles, and your heartrate picks up for all the wrong reasons.

"You are going to be so much fun to break," he murmurs, and you have to fight back your automatic response, because Jesus Christ, why is your automatic response to say something flirty? Really, what is wrong with you?

"Good luck with that," you give a cold smile, and attempt to walk away. Attempt to. HABIT grabs your hand and starts to drag you down the street; his grip is unyielding, and only grows tighter, until you yelp, tears stinging your eyes as you feel the sharp, intense pain of a delicate bone snapping in your hand.

"I didn't just mean psychologically, rabbit," HABIT offers cheerfully, giving another pointed squeeze. An involuntary sob escapes you, and you've never seen someone's attention be drawn so quickly.

"I'm in pain, I'm going to cry," you rolled your eyes, despite your wobbly voice, "the fuck did you expect, you silly bitch?"

"Did you just call me a silly bitch?" It's like he can't believe you're giving him attitude right now.

"If the clown shoes fit -" you have to bite down to muffle your whimper of pain as he squeezes your hand again. Your whole face scrunched up, tears shine on your cheeks in the sunlight, and when you open your eyes, HABIT's regarding you with the most curious expression.

"You get hotter when you cry," he comments idly, "I'm probably biased though, I might just think you get hotter when you're in pain, I think everyone does -"

"You're a sadist, shocker," you say sarcastically, "get hard on your own time; can you focus on forcing me to help you commit atrocities so we can get this over with?"

"You're sassing me right now? With a broken hand? This is like if you stepped on an ant, and when you look under your shoe the fucking ant flips you off despite his mangled ant legs."

"You'll get over it."

"I don't know if I will, rabbit; you wound me," he presses his free hand over his heart, but his smile is wide and incredulous.

"I should be so lucky."

HABIT's smile turns dangerous once more, but the conversation drops, and he leads you on. As you continue on, he tells you about his victim, a conspiracy theorist getting too close to the truth and had to be silenced. When you ask what truth, HABIT's grin is cruel.

"Doesn't matter, not like any of his findings 'll ever see the light of day."

When you ask how he plans to kill him, HABIT sounds almost dreamy when he says he's still figuring that out. Turning down a street in nearby suburbia, HABIT looks over his shoulder at you.

"You're gonna get us inside."

"The hell I am."

"Its not a choice kind of situation, rabbit," he says flatly, but he perks up again, "though I am curious about how your mind works, so I'm gonna nudge you into obeying, but the details are up to you,"

There is suddenly an ice cold presence in the back of your mind, a voice you know is HABIT's true voice, not the one he manages to coax from Evan's throat. It orders you to say thank you, and you do so with a scowl, through gritted teeth. He sighs, shaking his head as if terribly disappointed, and just asks that you at least try and be believable with the victim. Then, he's in your mind again.

HABIT's presence in your mind is sweet, almost eerily seductive as he murmurs for you to figure out how to get them into the house you'd both stopped in front of. The voice is cold but ultimately smooth as it adds, be good for me, rabbit, be believable. It's like your mind and your body are two seperate entities, one desperately trying to revolt while the other turns to HABIT. You ask him to squeeze your hand again; he seems surprised and delighted by this turn of events, and complies. Immediately you burst into tears, and he seems taken aback, but you furiously hiss for him to put his arm around you as you both stumble to the door.

"Hello? Hello is anyone in there? Please help, please- we need help," you sobbed loudly, leaning into HABIT's arms, half collapsed against him.

"Who are you?" Comes a terse, nervous voice from behind the door.

"I- my name's Amelia, sir, please, I tripped and hurt myself, there's something following us," she whimpered, dissolving into tears.

"Someone?" The voice behind the door asks sharply, but before she can answer, HABIT plays along.

"Someone maybe, but it- I don't know how to describe it, sir, it was so tall-" the door opens swiftly, and they're ushered inside. HABIT holds you tightly, even as the man ushers you both into his living room. Locking the door, you both hear several chains being locked after, and he mutters something irritated about Chinese security cameras and shipping time. You're curled up, mostly in HABIT's lap, his arms around you. He's murmuring softly to you, lips against your forehead, telling you it's going to be okay. It's sickening the part of you locked away and still capable of free thought. He rubs circles against your back as you tearfully apologise to the man, babbling weakly about how it could have all been a misunderstanding, but there was something unsettling about the tall figure in the suit you swear was following you. The man goes very quiet, drilling you for any details you remember, interrogating you both. Finally, he asks if you were okay.

"I think I did something to my hand," you sniffled, still holding it to your chest. Nervously, when the man asks to take a look and check, you offer it, but before he can even touch you, every part of you recoiled, burying your sobbing face into HABIT's chest as he curls his arms around you and apologises for how skittish you were. He sounds so much like Evan in this moment you can't help but genuinely start to cry harder.

The victim asks if you're sure you were being followed, and you and HABIT quietly nod. In the next moment, he disappears back down the hall, and you feel HABIT's grin turn wicked against your temple.

"So you do know how to act scared," he muttered. You his for him to shut up, but he just laughs under his breath. The have that had been wrapped around your shoulders moves to your face, fingertips gently caressing your jaw, your cheek, even once stopping with his fingers beneath your chin so he could run his thumb along your bottom lip. It's so bloody innocuous, so why did it all feel so strangely possessive? It's also surprisingly soothing, and despite all odds, you find yourself relaxing somewhat against him as he rambles, "it wasn't exactly a creative solution, but he folded like a sheet. I told you, you get hotter when you cry."

"You're an asshole," you whimpered, "I hate you." With a softness you hadn't realised he was capable of, HABIT holds your jaw, tipping your face up to meet his gaze. He's so much closer than you'd expected, even if you know, logically, that it makes sense since you're all but in his lap.

"Yeah, clearly," he sees fit to mock you, considering the circumstances, how close you still seem to insist on being. How you're looking at him now. Something about the way he's looking at you, the affection in his eyes, it almost reminds you of Evan. If not for the way his gaze burns behind it all. Behind his mask of humanity, HABIT is all razor sharp intensity, trapped inside the visage of your boyfriend. You wonder how many people have gotten this close and lived to tell the tale.

HABIT makes short work of tying the victim up when he gets back, bored of the facade, he explains. Still he assures him that he won't draw this out like he usually would.

"It's rabbit's first murder, I'm still trying to ease her into it -" he explains, and the crying victim now looks to you in a panic.

"I'm sorry," you blurt out; while HABIT hasn't forced you to continue playing along and deceiving the man, he has kept you frozen in place, watching, helpless.

"No she's not," HABIT laughs, undercutting you immediately.

"I am!" You tried to insist, "I don't want this to happen, I don't want to do this -"

"It's like you keep finding new ways to get on my nerves," HABIT snapped suddenly, "go be useful; start as many fires as you can." And your body obeys without your consent, picking up the lightest from the stove. All you can do is disconnect from the process, squeezing your eyes shut while you're body moves around like a puppet, going through the house room by room and clicking the lighter to life every time.

The fire is beginning to chew through the house by the time you get to HABIT, and his praise makes you feel a little ill. The feeling only grows when he asks you to open your eyes, and he's standing before you, knife in hand, covered in blood.

"I've made it easy for you, little rabbit," there's something so sinister about his sweet tone. HABIT places the handle of the knife in your hands, curling your fingers over it, holding your hand steady in his own grip, "at this point, it'd be crueler to let him live," and stepping aside to reveal the horror show he'd made of the victim in that sort time; you feel like you're about to throw up, but you can't move. Except then he's behind you, his chest firm against his back as he wraps one arm around you to keep you secure, while the other once again holds yours as it holds the knife, guiding you.

"Don't make me do this," you whispered, even as the man before you begged for it all to end. HABIT's laughter is warm against your ear.

"There's very few ways to die that are more painful than burning alive," he mutters against the shell of your ear, voice turning into a low, almost pleased growl, "you're a fucking monster."

"I'm not a monster for not wanting to kill someone."

"You're a monster for being too selfish to put this guy out of his misery, making him suffer like that,* but HABIT sounds downright appreciative, and he holds you a little tighter against him. A traitorous, pleased shiver runs down your spine.

The bound man is downright unrecognisable, clearly suffering, praying for you to provide him a swift and merciful end. Honestly, to help him escape enduring another moment with HABIT, even through death, would make you something of a saviour to him in his final minutes, you tried to reason.

But HABIT's no longer in your mind, and the dark little voice that whispers insistently that you'll never get a chance like this again, is entirely your own. An eldritch abomination has decided that you were intriguing, that you were worth the effort of corrupting; HABIT is acting like you're special because you told him he wasn't. Despite your better judgement, you do really find him fascinating.

You tell yourself a million different things to try and rationalise what you're about to do, even lying to yourself that you can still feel the last of HABIT'S supernatural influence curling at the edges of your free will. It's not. HABIT's hands on yours, still holding the knife, is firm but still, he doesn't puppet you into this act of cruel mercy, all he does is still the shaking of your hand. His thumb brushes over your knuckles almost tenderly; you close your eyes.

"I'm so so sorry," you murmur to your poor victim, steeling your resolve. HABIT just laughs.

[animentality]

I went down a Goat Hole.

So I love the Gävle goat wikipedia, which records the years when it survived vs the years when it was burned.

It starts off so normal. Did it survive, or was it burned?

And then it just....like an A24 movie, gets weirder and weirder.

I like that they include security measures.

Also, I feel bad for 1971, when the Southern Merchants got tired of their goat being burnt ;-; and stopped making them.

Then the Natural Science Club built one and it got smashed to pieces :((((

Then I feel soooo bad for 1992, when BOTH goats from the Natural Science Club and the Southern Merchants burned on the same night???

But then The Goat Committee was founded, like the Avengers, protectors of the goat. So silver linings.

Sadly, though, they made a new one, and it still burned.

So now I'm losing my mind, because the poor goat got thrown in the river in 2000, and its sibling got burnt too.

But I am also laughing hysterically at the idea of someone dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man shooting a flaming fucking arrow at the goat.

Like what the FUCK.

But also.

Dying. That's arson with style, baby.

But then it REALLY gets weird.

And I know that sounds impossible, but listen.

So people are getting WAY too goddamn coordinated on the burning of these goats.

And so.

We continue on.

And so now, you know the many stories.

Now, you may decide if it will burn this year or not, and whether you want it to.

Or not.

But isn't wikipedia fun?

I feel so bad for these goats, and for the two organizations that keep making them.

But the chaotic neutral in me does enjoy the testament to the indomitable human spirit showed by both parties.

they keep making the goat. the goat burns. sometimes, it does not.

life always moves in circles, never quite beginning or ending.

sometimes the goat lives, sometimes it dies, but there is always a goat. there must always be a goat.

[everyone-is-a-punk]

Alright Punks listen up.

It's Clarisse, daughter of Ares, blah blah blah. I'm in charge of initiation, so play nice and maybe I won't shove your head into a toilet. Maybe. Challenge me in the arena and I will beat you into pulp.. Touch my spear and I will send you to Hades the hard way. Pronouns are she/her/they/them btw (There is a discord server for this guy's! Just send an ask I will happily give an invite!)

Tags I'm gonna use

#clarisse talks

#clarisse's reblogs

#im going to war

#punks

my main is @auttumnsayshi

Frienemies are as followed (in no particular order)

@silena-styles loml <3 definitely wifey material

@why-did-i-get-acne your haikus suck

@nico-the-ghost-king/@nico-di-angelo-aaaaa gay emo boi

@lukemessedup WHEN I CATCH U LUKE WHEN I CATCH U

@annabeth-is-a-wise-girl/@annabeth-in-your-chase smart person, probably the only reason camp is still standing

@percy-jackson-is-a-seaweed-brain/@that-dam-son-of-poseidon PRISSY

@the-best-superman-on-olympus/@jason-graceeeeee stapler muncher

@tyson-the-cyclops peanut butter addicted big teddy bear with giant stick

@the-argo-2-matchmaker/@piper-mclean-raaa silenas lil sis who has magical speaking powers

@theonlycoachhedge goat dude with a bat 😎

@apollos-favorite-child Wills sister

@magnus-falafelking Annie's dead cousin

@mallory-keen-to-kill me, just in a different font

@estraava you seem cool

@hazel-is-confused Nico's sister with the best horse ever

@amazing-war-god-ares I need bleach thanks and your a shit dad

@frank-zhang-skreee awesome half brother of mine

@leo-valdez-graaa a crackhead who id love to commit arson with

@will-solace-aaaaa Nico's bf, the human glowstick

@percys-blue-food-vendor literally the most a amazing woman ever who makes the most awesome at blue cookies

@miss-naomi-solace wills mom

@alex-fierro-pr-nightmare control your man's plz

@thomas-jefferson-jr guns>>>>>>

@zoe-can-see-the-stars-again cool huntress

@im-cool-and-your-not ily /p

@im-aphrodite-dearies Sil's mom

@moththecabin7kid definition of controlled chaos

@thatonebitheaterkid theater nerd

@unda-the-sea-and-bi-myself one of the only cool gods

@cameron-is-chaotic proud sibling moment

[has-the-gogoat-burned-yet]

hey there. call me pepper, she/her, I like fire-types. galarian currently, sinnoh-born. you might've heard my name somewhere before, but don't worry about that. what's really important here is whether or not the gavle gogoat has burned yet or not. that's what you're all here for, that's what I'm here for.

gonna just... answer some questions you might have here so I don't have to do that later.

what do you have against the gavle gogoat? honestly? nothing, I just like arson and I find it really funny that people want it to not burn so badly. lol. lmao even.

what's your favorite pokemon? how dare you make me pick. idk. zacian? sword doggo. friend-shaped. probably great for hugging. not that I'd know or anything.

what's up with the sylveon in your pfp? that's zuko. he's my buddy. not a battler anymore. technically a service pokemon but like, we don't need to get into that.

are you trans? no but my ninetales is.

who ARE you, pepper? wouldn't you like to know, weatherboy.

hey wait you sound familiar— no I don't. hope this helps!

aaaanyway. if you've got other questions, my inbox is open for general questions and/or information about The Gogoat. or tips on arson. I like arson. and fire-types. actually if you have pictures of cute fire-types I'd love to see them too.

(OOC info below cut!)

hi, it's @ofstormsandfire here with a bit of a gimmick pokeblog featuring my sword protagonist. she is in fact still the galarian champion, it's been a few years for her, she will be incredibly casual about this if it's actually pointed out because honestly she didn't expect to keep the title this long.

I adore the blogs keeping tumblr updated on if the gavle goat burned yet so. have a pokemon version!

(I may have made this blog most of a year in advance of gavlebocken season and I regret absolutely nothing.)

assume pelipper mail/anything else rotomblr-specific is off, at least for now.

[the-real-chuuya]

honhonhon art dump of yhe day but this time i add captions to (almost) every drawing

Yes good bonding i would approve except that im a minor and i'd rather burns house down tgt (please arson with me plsplsplsplaplapspls)

This one is a personal fabourite of mine because its my first time trying a more intense expression and i like to think i did good

Cats and soup is fucking goated i love that game so much

So real for crying (coming from someone who once begged her mother for painkillers during cramps, am now taking medcine weekly in an attempt to tone them down)

Yo i never really believed in chiropractors but i would probably lose all faith in them if you became one out of sheer fear i walk in there with a mild curve in my spine and i walk out with a straight spine and a wheelchair

all comments are true

//is it okay to say I really like you? Your drawings very silly and I love them, you’re pretty funny too :3

[cyberneticlagomorph]

damn ok!

Santa Claus' "elves" are actually a breed of Goblin! Real elves don't mind this as "goblin" and "elf" have been used as umbrella terms for various distinctions of fae for centuries

Santa's team of flying reindeer is not the original, but he does breed replacements from the original's bloodlines and gives them the names of their ancestors as a badge of honor once the previous generation has retired.

Flying reindeer are what happens when you get a regular reindeer to incubate a harpy egg, similarly to how pegasus' are born. The resulting deer has to be trained heavily before it is allowed to pull anything!

Some reindeer can talk, some can't, there isn't any clear metric as to why this is but they all seem to have vaguely human level intelligence at the end of the day.

Santa himself is some sort of nascent divinity presiding over winter, kindness, childhood, feasting, and revelry like some sort of kids bop Dionysus

Krampus is his sibling, as such they both have horns and hooves, tails, sharp teeth, goat's ears, and long tongues. Santa is very aware about how this might scare a kid so when he's out working he's HEAVILY glamoured to look human. He also files his horns down and hides the the nubs under his hat as an extra precaution. because i can't have a character in this universe and not make them a total furry

the naughty/nice list doesn't extend to adults, MOST OF THE TIME, unless you're a genuinely shitty person who goes out of their way to make kids miserable you're no longer under his jurisdiction the second you hit adulthood

he loves kids, even if those kids don't believe in him and will protect them with his life, so that means he does have to tangle with Krampus more often than not when a kid is misbehaving

Yes he still lives at the north pole in a nice little pocket realm he wove for himself

The elves have a union and wear osha approved silly little outfits

Santa does have a Mrs. Claus, she's human or at least human passing and makes the best hot cocoa you'll ever taste. She keeps things running when Santa isn't around and helps him get ready for Christmas during the warmer off season

Santa is strong-fat! He can and will yeet a whole reindeer!!

He technically doesn't need to physically eat, belief in him is sustenance enough, but food good... and people leave him all kinds of treats when he drops by on his rounds so it would be rude not to partake a LITTLE...

He smokes quiet a bit, pipes, cigars, etc and people in Europe leave him alcohol as an Offering so he's got his fair share of vices.

He smells like wood smoke, mint, pine, and animal musk

His bag is a bag of holding

He's fire proof, doesn't take fall damage, can see in the dark and probably has arson magic he doesn't like talking about

[asomaton]

As a Swede I’m naturally invested in the Gävle goat and I’m NOT on the torchers side. While quite cool (FIRE!) that tradition started with greasers in the 60’s wanting to have some fun and wanton destruction with the local shop-corporations big commercial Christmas-goat in 1966.

While the Christmas goat in itself IS old it was never built big and no, it was never burnt for any traditional reasons.

In ye olden times the goat came with gifts. Any connections to Krampus? Hard to tell really. Probably? Anyways. The goat in Gävle has burned many times since the 60s and that is how a tradition is formed. In recent years they moved it to a more densely populated area, meaning that IF you torched it you would be charged with arson.

Last year it wasn’t torched BUT something else happened. Jackdaws! The odd weather during the summer left short hay with lots of kernels left. The Jackdaws ate it to the bone!

This is lovely! A sacrifice to nature! If not fire then clever western jackdaw. I wish you all a real Christmas feast.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

YES FEAST YES

Holy shit there are so many birds

[followmetoyourdoom]

If you remember this post here about burning the goat via infiltrating the security team and falling in love with a fellow guard, you can now read the first chapter here on Ao3 or under the read more below:

Preaching to the Fire - Chapter 1: The Plan

Summary: Björn has one love in his life and one love only - arson. As a ten year long game plays out, will that change? Delve into Björn's musings and planning as his live long dream unfolds.

---------------------------

The name's Björn. I work security for one of the most dangerous jobs this side of daylight saving hours. Gävle goat protection squad. It's a tiring job. You sit, you watch, you wait for the next squad, you go home. Repeat the next day. Such is the life for this one month of the year. All other months, I am merely security elsewhere. The exact location is unimportant, I do not stay anywhere else for too long. But to the gävlebocken? I always return. The gentle gaze of its barren eyes, the harsh texture of its dried fur. How I long to bathe it in sweet cleansing light. It captivates me, it always has. And now I am close to it, closer than I've ever been. I will always remember that first year, the lurch in my chest as I was shown the security measures. The way my eyes darted back and forth looking for weakness, looking for ways in. It felt so strange to be keeping others away from it, to be the one keeping it safe. Now, it is year five. I have a clean record, the gävlebocken has always been safe under my care. I am the best at what I do. I have to be for The Plan to work. I cannot mention what The Plan entails. Not to anyone, even Mika, one of my fellow guards I've taken a liking to. The way they laugh at my jokes and say that my big strong arms will protect the goat against all that wish it harm... It is difficult not to like them I suppose. This was not a part of the initial plan but, if I can ignore my feelings and look at this from a practical point of view, it could work in my favour. I can win them over, I think. I hope. For the sake of The Plan of course. Yes. No other reason.

---------------------------

Year six, things are going well. Mika and I spend time together outside of work now. We are... friends. They have a cat who likes to sleep in my arms when I visit Mika. Mika also likes to sleep in my arms. I think this means they trust me. A terrible decision on their behalf due to The Plan, of course, but I cannot help but smile softly as they nuzzle against my chest in their sleep. They call me their big teddy bear. Part of me wants to keep my distance. I am developing... Feelings for them. Feelings which complicate The Plan, but I cannot turn back now. I simply remind myself this is good. This gives me fuel to add to my fire, as it were. Their trust is valuable after all. They would never suspect I harbour such a dark secret, such A Plan. We often play little games together when we are on watch, thumb wars, arm wrestles, card games, etc... They are very competitive and I enjoy watching the joy spread across their face when they are about to win. It starts at their eyes, they begin to crinkle ever so slightly and shine with desire. Then their lips twitch, first one corner then the next, and finally freckles get squished together and form new constellations. It is a sight to behold even under the streetlamps. I wonder what they would look like under the gaze of a roaring inferno... Oh if only it were so easy to disconnect myself entirely! The other day I even found myself pondering the taste of those gentle lips and I had to quickly excuse myself from the game. They smirked as I left, I think they know something.

---------------------------

Year seven, Mika is my roommate now, which was strange at first - we only have the one bed, but we got used to it. They say my body warmth is good for the cold we must endure in the winter months. I am not sure what this means for The Plan as a whole. For now I've had to hide a lot of my musings in places they cannot reach such as the top of the fridge, or any shelf at my eye level - though I must be careful with this one, they are good at climbing. The cat also enjoys knocking off items at height. At work I am often regarded as the serious guard in our rota and there is some teasing that Mika has enticed the softie out of me. I would argue the rest never got the time to know me. Surely I do not keep my softest smiles for them... I remember laughing at other times. Here and there. Occasionally. I do not know who I'm kidding, I clearly like them more than a friend. But we live together now! The Plan aside, it would be strange to initiate anything when they cannot leave, would it not? No, I must remain at a safe emotional distance. Besides things are good right now. The other night they cooked a fantastic fillet of fish, they know it is my favourite, and then we settled down together to watch a movie and they fell asleep on my shoulder. I wouldn't want to lose that. Or the way they wrap around my back at night and press close to me. Or the way they make me a sandwich when they are not on watch and they leave me a note. I keep all the notes of course, it would be disrespectful not to. Sometimes it's almost like we are more than just friends... But I think that's just my feelings getting the better of me.

---------------------------

Year eight. There was an attempt at a burning tonight. I almost hesitated, but I did stop them. I must keep my record clean. I must ensure no-one suspects. I told Mika about it when I got home, about how I tackled the would-be arsonist to the ground and held him beneath me as back-up arrived. Mika shook their head with amusement and joked that perhaps they should try burning the goat while I was on duty. Then their eyebrows started acting strange and I got concerned for their wellbeing. They flicked some water from the sink at me and called me 'cute' for my concern. I do not know what this means. Does Mika also have A Plan? Perhaps they would be a valuable ally in this fight... But no, I cannot risk it. Each day that passes I get closer and closer to the date of The Plan. Just two more years. I have notes of all changes, all attempts, all security codes, anything I could possibly need. The only unknown is Mika. They are an entity unlike any other, small yet strong, silly yet serious, tough yet kind. They look adorable in my sweaters that are several sizes too big for them and fiercer than any guard on duty in their uniform. Their duality is so enticing, so exhilarating. I want to tenderly stroke their cheek as we go over The Plan together, I want to hold them as we muse about escape routes. I want them involved in everything I do. But I cannot. They should not be dragged down with me. As we closer to the date of The Plan, I must slowly wean myself from their gentle embrace.

---------------------------

Year nine. In my minds eye I see Mika's hand slip into mine, a burning furnace in their eyes. A band in a box in my hand that flickers with the golden and copper light of a simmering blaze behind us. The scent of burning straw fills the air, and our noses wrinkle in joking disgust. There is no one else around, it's just the two of us. I get down on one knee, speak four words, and in my dreams they say yes. I now fear I am in too deep. The ring sits heavy in my pocket. I keep it with me wherever I go. Just in case. I love Mika dearly, wholly, there is only one love that meets them but does not surpass them, and it is ever present in all of my dreams about us becoming us. Could I chose that moment? It would certainly be memorable. Granted, that's if they approve of The Plan, for I have to follow through with it, even now, of course I do. Not out of obligation or out of sunken cost fallacy, but because I want to. Though my dreams have been added to, that one dream has not changed. Mika lies across my lap, sleeping soundly. I stroke their hair and my hand shakes. I do not want them to think less of me. I do not want them to hate me. I wish I could tell them. I wish I could ask them. The words get stuck in my throat everytime I try to say anything about either dream which are now the same dream rolled up together. They murmur softly in their sleep and I wonder if we share any parts of our dreams. What if, after all this time, after all these moments, Mika thinks of me as nothing more than a friend? As I ponder this I find that idea is not as terrifying as the idea of them hating me for committing a crime they would find abhorrent. If they wish to remain friends then friends we shall remain, it is as simple as that. I suppose only time will tell.

---------------------------

This is the year, year ten. A perfect track record. If we ignore the birds. Under my care we have never lost the goat. Under my dear Mika's care, the same. Tonight we are scheduled in to guard the goat together, 2am - 6am. Tonight is when I put The Plan into motion. Tonight, the weight in my heart and my pocket will ease, one way or another. Mika does not know. I could not bring myself to tell them. We are getting ready to sleep before our shift. I can heard them humming a song through toothpaste. It's hard to believe this might be the last time I hear that muffled refrain. I'm hesitating again. I could just pass this journal over as they walk through the bedroom door. I could offer up my life's work and let it hang in the balance, out of my love for them. But my other love tugs at my heart strings, though they are so different there is no comparison. I cannot choose between them. I can only combine them. So tonight will be a night of burning love.

[rudojudo]

This year, we burnt a goat!

This is Tumblr, so I'll assume you're aware of the Gävleboken. But just in case:

Over on twitter, it became a bit of a yearly game to see if/when the big goat would burn. I followed someone who's got a Classics degree and is a mythology expert, who in concert with all that just loves Xmas. And he would get really judgemental about people cheering the arson.

"Just celebrate the season! Let the kids have this! Don't cheer mindless destruction!" I like this guy, he's smart and funny. But I disliked this take and it's sat in my craw for a year or so.

Then I was talking to my wife @dangerouscommiesubversive and it all came out- I ranted and raved, the way that the fire was itself a celebration, the purifying nature of fire, the fact that kids don't give a shit, the human nature to go after things we're told not to touch, I was all in on "let the goat burn."

Then she responded with the historical basis, the burning of effigies, sacrificial goats...

DCS: "Sometimes you have to burn a goat."

Me: "Sometimes you burn a goat!"

DCS: "You have to!"

Beat

Me: "Let's burn a goat."

So a straw goat, some 80 proof liquor, and a rusted wok I got re-gifted forever ago later, we just needed a day. She suggested 12/21/23, the solstice, the longest night.

So we burnt a goat, to welcome the turning of the seasons, because

[sandybrett]

WOE.BEGONE Character Playlists, Part 2

Here are all my character playlists for WOE.BEGONE characters who are not, have never been, and will presumably never be Mike Walters. Listed in order of first appearance. Cut for length and possible vague spoilers.

Matt

"The Magician" by Dizzy "The Winding Stair Mountain Blues" by the Turnpike Troubadours "Cuyahoga Canal" by The Taxpayers (suggested on the Discord) "Down Here" by the Turnpike Troubadours "Research Me Obsessively" from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

Anne

"She Lives (In a Time of Her Own)" by The Judybats "A Shot in the Arm" by Wilco "Bravado" by Lorde "We Can Build a Fire" by Autoheart (from a collaborative Ty/Mike playlist) "Shot at the Title" by Curtis McMurtry "The Bonnie Dell House" by Sarah and the Safe Word (from @fortunechaos's Cowgirl Anne playlist)

Ryan & Cannonball

"Turn The Lights Off" by Tally Hall (suggested on Discord) "Blast Doors" by Everything Everything (from Percival's playlist)

Hunter

"So-Called Friend" by Uncle Tupelo "Hanging Tree" by Tim Easton "Heel Turn 1" by The Mountain Goats (suggested by @solipsistful) "Chaplinesque" by Curtis McMurtry "Harvest" by I See Hawks In L.A. "Heel Turn 2" by The Mountain Goats (from @solipsistful's playlist) "Burning Bed" by The Backsliders "When Will You Die?" by They Might Be Giants "Gaucho" by Steely Dan "Can't Cheat Death" by The Ballroom Thieves (from @fortunechaos's Mikey playlist) "my tears richochet" by Taylor Swift "A Fond Farewell" by Elliott Smith

Chance & Shadow

"Emmylou" by First Aid Kit (suggested by @woebegonepod on Discord) "Trouble's Here" by Jann Browne "Don't Follow" by Shelby Merry (from @auxilion's playlist)

Marissa & Charlie

"Old Slew Foot" by Rose Maddox "Miss Marissa" by Reckless Kelly "The Girl I Can't Forget" by Fountains of Wayne "Wilder than Her" by Dar Williams "Don't Follow" by Shelby Merry (from @auxilion's playlist) "it's time to get good at darts" by Brian David Gilbert

Edgar

"What A Heavenly Way To Die" by Troye Sivan "Flaws" by Bastille (from Scholastic Arson's Edgar playlist) "FOOLS" by Troye Sivan "Don't Ask Me Why" by The Backsliders "Body Paint" by Arctic Monkeys (suggested by @fortunechaos) "Out of the Picture" by Son Volt "When Anger Shows" by Editors (from Scholastic Arson's Edgar playlist) "Happiness Will Ruin This Place" by San Fermin (from @ante--meridiem's Mike/Edgar playlist) "I Saw It Coming" by Reckless Kelly "A Lifetime to Find" by Wilco "In Our Bedroom After the War" by Stars (from Scholastic Arson's Edgar playlist) "Mesa, Arizona" by Jeffrey Foucault "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone?" by Paula Cole "Expert in a Dying Field" by The Beths "IDK You Yet" by Alexander 23 (from @auxilion's playlist) "Ours" by Joe Pug (suggested by @woebegonepod on Discord) "Somewhere in Time" by Reckless Kelly

Ty

"This House Is a Circus" by Arctic Monkeys (suggested by @fortunechaos) "Erase" by They Might Be Giants (from @solipsistful's playlist) "I Love You for Psychological Reasons" by They Might Be Giants (from a collaborative Ty/Mike playlist) "My Ugly" by Cloudfodder (from Scholastic Arson's Ty/Mike playlist) "Skullcrusher Mountain" by Jonathan Coulton (from a collaborative Ty/Mike playlist) "Cowboys are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other" by Ned Sublette "Panoply" by WOE.BEGONE (from @fortunechaos's Tex/Outlaw playlist) "Otters" by Ryan MacIntyre (from @fortunechaos's Tex/Outlaw playlist) "Expert in a Dying Field" by The Beths "Pot Kettle Black" by Wilco "Outlaw Ty" by WOE.BEGONE "Jenny" by the Mountain Goats "It's All Part of the Plan" by the Punch Brothers "Sway" by The Rolling Stones "Blood Orange Morning Light" by Andrew Montana (from finch's Tex/Outlaw playlist)

Felix

"This House Is a Circus" by Arctic Monkeys "Parallel Universes" by Dan Warren (from @ante--meridiem's Mike playlist) "3 AM" by Matchbox Twenty "Working for the Knife" by Mitski

August

"Cowboys are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other" by Ned Sublette "Seven Shells" by Fred Eaglesmith "Almost (Sweet Music)" by Hozier "IDK You Yet" by Alexander 23 (from @auxilion's playlist) "I Saw It Coming" by Reckless Kelly "The Curse of the Blackened Eye" by Orville Peck (from Icarus is Falling's Michael/August playlist) "Mostly Major Chords" by Shayfer James (from @fortunechaos's Mikey playlist)

Jam

"Goody Two Shoes" by Adam Ant "Fun" by Troye Sivan "Gaucho" by Steely Dan "Tonight's the Day" by Wilco "ilomilo" by Billie Eilish "Ours" by Joe Pug "The Ballad of Cowboy Jam" by WOE.BEGONE

Eagle

"Kill a Man" by James and the Shame (from @auxilion's playlist) "Eye" by The Scarring Party (from @auxilion's playlist) "War on War" by Wilco "Epithet Erased: Countdown" by plasterbrain and Dawn M. Bennett (from Percival's playlist)

Songs that I desperately want to put on *someone's* playlist but I don't think they currently fit anyone

"Leavin' Yesterday" by John Howie Jr. and the Rosewood Bluff "Tired of Walking" by James McMurtry "Perhaps Vampires Is A Bit Strong But..." by Arctic Monkeys "Man Out of Time" by Elvis Costello "Broken Bed" by James McMurtry "Twist the Knife" by Neko Case