#i love writing things i know ill probably delete eventually

[bunnyreaper]

𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 𝔞 𝔰𝔬𝔞𝔭 𝔪𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝖕𝖙 1 — 𝖕𝖙 2 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 wc - 5.7k warnings - 18+/nsfw, dom sub dynamic, eventual romance/smut, medium burn? notes - first part of my owner!soap x pet!reader, woohoo! i already regret writing something centered around texting and calling lmao, crying!! the formatting is killing me!! anyway, also on ao3! and if you wanna send a request, pls do! ♥

Lonely girl looking for owner. 

Posting on this subreddit again was probably a mistake—but a deep-down part of you clings to the hope that this time will be the time you find someone, the time you get to go home to him. 

At least this time, you'll be better at spotting the signs right off the bat—if only you can take off the rose-tinted glasses long enough to take note.

Your inbox is flooded with the usual kinds of messages—unsolicited pictures, low-effort one-sentence wonders, and so-called doms jumping straight to the part where they call you a nasty whore with no actual consideration for the person you are. 

You're just about to give up, delete the post, and ignore all chat requests when a message arrives in your inbox. 

From: squeakycleanscot 

Subject: Lonely guy looking for girl

Hi,

Saw your post and knew I had to message. You sound like everything I'm looking for and more.

I'm a little younger than the age you put on your post, but I think I fit your other requirements. I'm 27, Scottish (yes, with the accent), and in the army, I hope that's a turn-on rather than a turn-off.

When I'm not deployed, I like cosy nights in, preferably with my love by my side. Don't mind a night at the pub either, especially if there's a Celtic match on, not that anywhere near here shows them. 

I'm looking for something longer term like you mentioned (would love to collar my girl one day, which is probably ironic considering I'm a wee bit scared of dogs.)

Happy to send a picture if you'd like :) 

Hope to hear from you soon, 

Johnny.

Johnny. 

You reread the message, turning his words over in your mind. 

Something about his message has your attention—it at least suggests he has a brain in his head and a heart capable of empathy, and that maybe he's serious. 

You begin typing your reply instantly, your fingers moving so fast you have to type and retype so many parts to rid the message of all of the overexcited mistakes.

hi johnny, 

scottish?! is it bad im already imagining how your dirty talk will sound? 

it's funny, i always wanted to join the army growing up, but it never worked out. maybe it's for the best as now i'm not immune to enjoying a hot man in uniform... which I'm assuming you are ;) 

cosy nights in are my favourite too! I'm a bit of a homebody and love being snuggled up more than anything. i have to let you know in advance that you have some stiff competition in the form of my giant teddy bear, barnaby. 

i'm looking for something longer term too, or at least not a one night kind of thing—a collar one day would be the dream <;3 

if you send a picture, ill send one back, nothing sexy just yet though, if that's okay? 

have you met up with someone off here before? just curious about your experiences! 

y/n

As soon as the message is sent, the overthinking kicks in—was that too much? Is he going to think you're weird? 

You shuffle in bed, turning over between the sheets and trying to flick through other apps as you wait for a reply—otherwise, you'd just be staring at the notifications bar waiting for that silly little robot face to pop up. 

Johnny doesn't leave you waiting long, only a few minutes passing from your last message.

Maybe you'll find out sooner rather than later just how my dirty talk sounds ;) 

I tried to sneak in before I was old enough, but they caught on. Served since I was 18 though, you'll have a lot of stories ready from me if you're ever willing to listen. Not sure if the uniform is anything like you're thinking though, in my unit it's mostly just t-shirts, tac vests and trousers. 

I'll prepare my best snuggling arms for if we ever meet. You should inform Barnaby now about his replacement, mind. 

Can't not send a sexy photo though, sorry lass, all my pictures are. I'm sure you understand, lol

Haven't met anyone, had a few conversations but nothing worth pursuing, and had kind of given up until I saw your post. 

His message is the perfect mix of sexy, sweet, and sincere—and if that is the essence of the man, you know he's everything you're looking for. 

You try not to think too hard about a hot Scottish accent calling you all your favourite names or telling you exactly what to do, or even those stories he has to tell, as the idea is all too exciting. 

Reading his message, you instinctively reach out to pat Barnaby when you see he may end up replaced—hopefully the poor bear will understand when he has to vacate the bed for this sexy soldier man. 

looking forward to it. can I start putting in requests now for bedtime stories too?

i still wanna see, maybe in your sexy-not-sexy pic? 

barnaby will be devastated by the news, and you may have to give him hugs too (but not for too long, or i'll get lonely!!!)

same here, about things not going anywhere... or people turning out to be a bit scary, so you're not allowed to let me down, okay? 

Maybe the last part of the message was too much, but your heart is already soaring with unbridled hope—along with that hope comes doubt too. 

Each second waiting for a reply drags, and you take to re-reading his messages and clicking on his profile to investigate. 

It's largely empty of posts, but there are tons of comments across different communities—including his aforementioned football team, r/Scotland, and eyebleach. 

Clearly, he's a softie at heart. 

When his next message comes through, it's an Imgur link with a short message. 

Here we go, a few months old though now. Don't have anything more recent from work :) 

You take a moment or two to steady yourself before you tap the link. While you definitely feel like you and Johnny have already started to click, if he's not your type then it probably won't go anywhere... 

It's a situation you've been in before—great conversation, similar interests but no physical attraction, and back then you didn't have the heart to break it off straight away.

You tap the link and are greeted by a full-body shot of a tall, well-built man in tactical clothes. His hair is a neatly trimmed mohawk, and while his face isn't crystal clear, he's clearly fucking handsome. His biceps bulge from the gray tee stretched over his torso, his large hands are covered with gloves and grasping a gun.

Your eyes trail to his long legs, thick thighs encased in camo and strapped with various holsters. All in all, the picture is perfect. You find yourself zooming in desperately to get a better look at his face, the handsome jaw lined with stubble that you can already imagine between your legs. The whole image and every new detail has you squirming in your bed, and cheekily wishing to save the image to your phone.

holyfwucj 

holy fuck 

Like what you see? 

i need a hug from you urgently. 

now i feel shy... 

It had crossed your mind ever so slightly that Johnny may be out of your league, or that he simply may not be attracted to someone like you, which would be a complete shame. Now you've set eyes on him, you want him even more—want to kneel at those feet and stare up at his hulking figure while he tugs on a leash around your neck. 

Hopefully, just like you, he'll be smitten from the first glance. 

Scrolling through your camera roll, you decide you don't exactly love any recent photos of yourself. The ones at your last work event have you looking far too corporate, and the only image from your last night out was taking in a bathroom mirror in the local Wetherspoons—neither of which is ideal. 

You crawl out from the warmth of your sheets, kneeling on the end of the bed and posing as you point your camera in the mirror that sits across the room and captures you perfectly. Before you start snapping, you adjust your top to make sure too much isn't on display, even though it's strappy and cropped, and definitely a little bit more on the tantalising side as far as your pyjamas go. 

Hopefully, Johnny likes the pose and the outfit... and you. You can see your smiling face just to the side of your phone as you press to capture the picture—and when you return to your inbox to send the picture link, a message is waiting for you. 

I already know you're gorgeous. Don't leave me hanging, bonnie. 

okay. this is me now, all ready for bed!! 

Holy fuck yourself.

And I'm assuming that's Barnaby in the background. 

If he notices the pose, he doesn't comment on it, instead delighting your heart by commenting on Barnaby instead.

sure is! he's ready for snuggles and sleep. 

Can you do me a favour? 

That message makes your heart skip because usually when something like that is asked, it's followed with a request for nudes or something sexual—and while that is a large part of something like this, you crave the connection first, crave someone actually sticking around and getting to know you. 

depends on what it is!

Tell Barnaby to keep looking after you until I get there, yeah? 

does that mean you're coming for me?

One day, if we're both lucky.

seems promising so far, Johnny. 

Get some sleep, yeah? Maybe tomorrow night I'll give you a bell. 

The idea of this conversation ending is heart-wrenching, but at least sleep will bring you closer to that possible phone call. Hearing his voice, now that will be even more incredible. 

how do you expect me to sleep after telling me that? so mean! 

Patience, bonnie. Be good for me? 

You clench, your thighs squeezing together as arousal rushes through you. It's like he knows exactly how far to go, what buttons to press, what you're looking for.

It's the right kind of commanding, toeing the line perfectly between flirtatious and in charge. A lot of guys you've talked to have rushed it made commands too early, and sent you running. Johnny's words, be good for me? You can't help but want to behave. 

okay, but I see how this is going to be :( 

Bet you look so fucking good with a pout ;) 

now you're just being a cruel tease, Johnny... 

Sorry, I'll stop. Sleep, yeah, for me?

cuddling up to barnaby now. 

You decide to attach another picture, your eyes screwed shut and cheeks squished as you wrap yourself around the bear and cuddle up under the sheets. 

talk tomorrow?

Of course, bonnie, sweet dreams <;3 

You lock your phone, your eyes feeling relieved as they adjust to the darkness. 

For a brief moment, you just clutch your phone to your chest and recall the picture Johnny had sent, how much you'd love to be wrapped up in his arms tonight. 

He's the only thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep.

-//-

Your dreams are tumultuous, starting off with a nightmare of being chased and chased until your legs give out, only for you to find salvation and safety in a stranger's arms—one who seemed vaguely familiar. 

The first thing you do when you wake is roll over to check your phone, elation overtaking you when you see a notification from Johnny already waiting there—already he's blessing you with a good morning message.

Good morning, sweet girl.

Attached under the picture is another image link, and clicking on it brings up an absolutely gorgeous picture of Johnny, lazing in bed. There's just enough light in the room for you to see the brightness of his eyes that you couldn't see before—his mohawk is mussed, and his smile is easy, drawing you in. 

He's even more handsome in this up close photo, you can only imagine what he looks like in person, right before you. 

morning Johnny <3 how did you sleep? 

Like a baby. Yourself? 

not the best, but I swear you were in my dream. 

Sorry to hear that, but oh already? What did I do? 

I mean, it was a bulky guy with a mohawk but he didn't have your name, I think it was meant to be you though. 

You recall the safety you felt in the arms of the strange figure, it was serene, and everything you hope to feel when you find the one—hopefully that's Johnny.

My dreams were shite, you didn't show up. 

i'll try harder to be there tonight!! 

Promise? 

promise. 

God, he's so fucking sweet. It's hard to imagine he's into all the things you mentioned in your initial post, at least right now. But you're all too familiar with how appearances can be deceiving—you wonder what else your sweet Scot is into. 

You peel back the covers and head out into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on mindlessly as you keep your eyes fixated on the screen—not wanting to be even a minute late to answering Johnny's texts, even though it seems there's a natural lull in the conversation. 

You return your focus to making your tea, and your thoughts don't drift from Johnny for even a moment, as you ponder ways to keep the conversation going. Admittedly, you have a million and one questions you want, but you don't want to come across too... eager? clingy? Like some serial killer fiending for information? 

It's crazy the way your heart yearns for him so soon—and it's crazy the way that you wish he feels the same as you do. You wonder how his day is going, and if he's staring at your phone waiting for your message.

With tea brewed, you set it on the coffee table and flop onto the plush couch, rushing to open the app when a new notification pops up.

What's your plan for the day? 

lazy day, binge-watching... texting you? wbu? 

I have to work for a bit, but I'll message you when I can. 

On a weekend? That's horrible, but I imagine they run a tight ship over there. 

You rush to follow up your message with something else. 

will you still be able to call tonight? 

Aye, give me your number, I'll save it! 

You send off your number and don't hear anything from Johnny for a good few hours. You pass the time watching one of your favourite shows, and trying to resist the urge to go scroll down Johnny's profile once more.  

The next time a message pops up, it's well past lunch.

Cute profile pic on whatsapp.

Johnny has clearly added your number to his contacts and spied your picture on the app. You blush thinking of him seeing you in that costume—especially after he knows what you're into.

it was Halloween, I swear!! 

You make an adorable little kitten, lass.

imagination running wild now? ;) 

Aye, but I'm a gent. 

hopefully not always...

Oh, you'll see. Talk to you tonight, kitty. 

talk to you then &lt;;3 

Now you're just itching, waiting for the hours to crawl by for Johnny's workday to end, so you can talk to him again, so you can finally hear his voice. 

What will it sound like saying your name? Whispering sweet nothings in your ears? 

The hours pass slowly until a different notification lights up your phone as you cuddle into your sheets.

Hey, it's Johnny! Just got home. 

You scramble to click on the pop-up, spying his own profile picture in the corner—tapping on it to view it closer. 

It's the Johnny you recognise, smiling wide with his arm slung around another man. He looks so ridiculously happy, probably due to the pint in his other hand. The more you look at him, the more you can't believe you're talking to this man, that he wants to talk to you. 

You quickly add him to your contacts, putting a heart next to his name, before you return to the chat and begin to type.

i'm not the only one with a cute pfp!! 

Three sheets to the wind in that picture, actually.

i can tell &lt;3

Ready to call? 

whenever you're ready!

The image of him floods your screen, the screen pulsing as it waits for you to accept. Your fingers tremble as you press the button, and you fall silent as you press the phone to your ear, nerves gripping at your throat. 

"Hi, bonnie." His voice drifts from the phone speaker, sweet like honey and warm like sunshine, with that gorgeous accent too. 

"Hi." You squeak out, silently cursing at yourself for being so nervous and seemingly unable to speak. 

A melodic laugh follows your words, amused but not cruel or mocking. "Are you nervous?" His voice is soothing, his concern and sweet nature evident. 

You cradle your burning cheek, feeling the way your blush spreads across your smiling face. "Just a little, can you blame me?" 

He's laughing again, and you hear a shuffling noise that suggests he's getting comfortable. "Don't be, I'll look after yer, I promise." 

Fuck. You could get used to hearing that. "I really like your voice." You admit, whispering into the phone with a ridiculous grin on your face. 

"I like yours too, you sound so sweet." 

You drop your voice lower, giggling mischievously. "Only sometimes." 

"That's what I like ta hear." The way Johnny's voice dips as he says that has your insides fluttering, but you can only assume he's returning the favour. His tone returns to its usual charming tone as he asks, "How was your lazy day?" 

"Well, I kind of spent a fair bit of it distracted, thinking about this important call I was going to have tonight..." 

"Oh aye, I should get off the phone so you can wait then." 

"Funny. How was yours? What do you even do day to day, anyway?" You ask, voice brimming with curiosity—there are so many things you want to ask, but you imagine his job can be secretive. 

"Lots of training, and sometimes paperwork, which is right shite." 

"Not when you don't have someone under the desk keeping you company." You laugh, taking the chance to flirt. If you were into Johnny after reading his messages, actually hearing his voice is only making your attraction soar. 

A quiet fuck can be heard, as the man on the end of the phone heaves out a breath. "I'll have ta look into getting you clearance if you keep talking like that, lass." 

"Glad to be of service, what can I say?" You find yourself in a giggle fit at your own silliness, a mix of nerves and joy at enjoying yourself so much.

"God, I love yer laugh." The deep sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. 

The drug that is Johnny is already so intoxicating. 

"I'm so glad you can't see me blushing." 

"I'm no'." He sounds so indignant about that. "But I could listen to that laugh all day, really."

If only he could see you pout too. "Now you're just trying to make me blush more." 

He chuckles, his voice dropping dangerously flirtatious again. "Maybe I am, nothing you can do about it."

"Now I'm pouting." 

"Better not pout in front of me, lass." His suggestive tone makes you shiver. 

"Oh, why's that?" You ask, playing coy. 

"'Cause I'll just have to start kissing ya, might even nibble on those soft little lips." 

You suppress a delighted squeak, already so flustered at even the idea of a kiss. "I'm not hearing a downside." 

"No?" 

"Nope." 

"Might not be gentle with you, though." 

"Good thing that I like it rough." The words are out of you before you can reconsider, but they have exactly the effect you intend as you hear Johnny inhale sharply.

"Ach, you and yer wicked mouth." 

"You have no idea..." 

He lets out a rough exhale, his voice turning gravelly and deep. "Fuck, bonnie." 

"Hey, I'm only repaying the favour, I've been squirming desperately pretty much since I picked up the phone." 

He whistles approvingly, his voice now teasing and playfully menacing. "Just you wait til I'm really in ya head." 

"You're already making good progress." You admit.

"Oh aye?" 

You hum contentedly, eyes flickering shut for a moment. "I'll be imagining your voice as I fall asleep tonight." 

"I'll just have ta send yer voice notes to drift off to, so I can end up in your dreams again." You can almost hear the smirk in his voice. 

"Already spoiling me, too." 

Fuck, how is it this man seems to know exactly what to say? Everything that comes out of his mouth takes root in your brain and sends your thoughts running wild—it's like he's already in your head, or as if someone made him in a lab.

"I'll spoil ya every day, if you're ever mine." 

You groan in frustration, unbelieving that a stranger can be so seemingly perfect. "How are you even single, Johnny?" 

"I could ask you the same. Taking everything in me to not ask for an address right now, if I'm being honest." He huffs a laugh. 

While the idea is thrilling, you know you should have at least some sense of preservation, and shouldn't blurt out your postcode for this strange man you barely know. "I'm worth the wait, I swear." You whisper your promise. 

"I'm sure yer are. But to answer your question, my work keeps me busy a lot, and this lifestyle isn't for everyone." There's a hint of vulnerability to his voice, and you sense such a fact is a sore point in his personal life. 

In the fantasy of all of this, you suppose the reality of the situation isn't something you'd stopped to consider. Life for a man in the military was surely so different from a regular 9-5. "I'm guessing that you're away a lot?" 

"Aye, sometimes for just a few days, sometimes for months, all depends." His admission is soft, as if you can hear in his tone that he's waiting for you to bolt. 

If that's the big 'catch' when it comes to Johnny, you can breathe a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I guess you need someone strong and loyal to hold on and wait for you." 

There's a tense silence, something lingering in the air. 

"Hard to come by, I've found." 

The thought makes your stomach twist in the worst possible way. Johnny, at least on the surface, seems so worthy of love. 

You chance the question that's on the tip of your tongue, hoping Johnny doesn't mind your reckless curiosity. "Have... you been cheated on?" 

"More than once, gets less surprising over the years." He finishes with a sad laugh, as you can tell he tries to infuse humour into the whole thing. 

"That's... horrible." 

Being sent away from your home to face gunfire and warfare, all to keep the people back home safe... only to be betrayed by the people back home who love you, who are supposed to wait for you. It's a gut-wrenching thought, and your heart aches for the man.

"A few of the lads here have a similar story." 

"So the army, not for the faint of heart, and dating an army man, not for the faint of heart." You sigh, though you don't feel put off by the thought.  

"Exactly. That you then? Faint of heart?" 

"No. I mean, inside I'm clingy as hell, and I'd miss you like crazy every day until you got back..." Your emotions overtake you, as you imagine a future where you'd have to kiss the man goodbye for maybe months at a time. "But I get the feeling that what we could have would be worth the wait. Hypothetically of course." 

At that, Johnny laughs, and his light tone returns. "Don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves, aye." 

You don't want to get ahead of yourself, you know you shouldn't, but the way you and Johnny have clicked is unlike anything you've felt before. "But... I have a good feeling." 

"I do too, already dreading putting down the phone." 

"I'm not planning on it anytime soon, even if I have to be up early tomorrow." 

"So do I, alarms set for 4." 

You do not envy his lifestyle one bit.

"That's awful! I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow, I might have to use my lunch break for a nap." You admit, preemptively yawning into your hand. 

"You one of those perpetually sleepy girls?" 

You nod, even though he can't see it. "The sleepiest." 

"Barnaby is a lucky bear, getting to cuddle up to you so much." 

You burst out laughing at the hint of envy in his words. "Are you... jealous?"

"For now, but soon the tables will turn." He faked an evil laugh, that only makes you giggle harder. 

"Oh, you think you can give better snuggles than him?" 

"Oh, I know I can, bonnie. The bear can't wrap his arms around yer, can't whisper sweet things in your ear..." His voice dips back into that seductive, teasing tone. "... Can't trail his hands down to that pretty little pussy." 

Once more, you flush with desire, every nerve alight as Johnny's words wash over you—although it seems like almost everything he says has your body reacting. "You have an interesting way of cuddling, Johnny."

"Didnae say I was actually gonna do anything once my hands got down there." 

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed." 

"When you're in my arms, you wouldn't have a choice, lass." The dark, dominant voice makes you shiver, makes your submissive instincts awaken. 

"Oh yeah?" 

He hums slowly. "Once you're mine, you leave the choices to me. Johnny knows best, yeah?" 

"Johnny knows best." You whisper breathlessly, the words coming out automatically, like they just feel right.

"Steamin' Jesus, can already tell yer gonna be the death of me." 

"Can't have that, your family won't get your death in service payout!" You laugh awkwardly, before a sense of guilt rears its head. "Sorry, grim joke." 

"I don't mind. You should hear some of the ones my Lt. comes out with, he's a right sick bastard." He chuckles.

"Never want to make light of it and hurt you, though." 

"Telling jokes makes it easier hen, you'll be wishing me dead in no time at all."  

You gasp, shocked by the prospect. "I'd never!" 

"Not even when I deny you from touching yourself for my entire deployment? Months of nothing at all?" The sick grin is evident in his voice. 

"You wouldn't, that's so mean. You're too sweet for that." 

"Aye, for now, but don't you like a little bit of meanness, if yer into men like me..." The edge to his voice and the truth to your words has you trembling. 

"Maybe..." You singsong in response, not wanting to give away just how much you liked the idea of his mean side. 

"Bonnie..." He tuts disapprovingly. "Don't play coy." 

You shudder out a breath as you squeeze your thighs together for relief. "I just don't want you to bully me too much right now, I'm already soaked." 

"Is that right?" He seems delightfully surprised by such a revelation. 

"Mhmm." 

"I'm fucking rock hard if it helps, think I have been since last night..." You hear him shuffle, and you try not to imagine what's happening on the other end of the line, or how he looks lying in bed with said hardness.

When he groans hungrily down the line, you feel yourself quake once more. "The sight of you on your fucking knees... Christ alive." 

You can't help but giggle at your unintended teasing. "It wasn't on purpose, I thought it was cute more than anything." 

"Adorable and naughty, could cum just looking at it." He huffs. 

"You're just flattering me, besides, I could say the same about your picture."

Every part of you flushes thinking of the first photo he sent, all muscle and alpha male—it's like he was the physical embodiment of dominance, and just looking at him makes you want to kneel.

"You like the military get up?" 

"Love it, more than I probably should." 

"Oh aye, bet you'd love for me to order you around?" His words are playful, but underpinned with a hint of promise. "All in due time, eh?" 

"All in due time. What's your rank, anyway?" 

"Sergeant." 

"Wait..." You take a deep breath as you consider your question. "Can I ask for your last name or is it too soon?" 

"Mactavish."

Johnny Mactavish—you should remember to give that a quick Google search later.

"Sergeant Mactavish." You test the name on your tongue, trying to imagine him at work, following and giving orders. 

"Sounds too good when you say it, bonnie." He laughs. 

"Thank you, sergeant." Your affectation of the word is entirely intentional, as you attempt to rile him up with the use of his title. 

The throaty groan that leaves him is addictive.

"What else do you like to be called?" 

"Depends on what you want to call me really, but I like... sir." 

"I like it too, will have to remember that for the future, and just torture you with sergeant in the meantime." You can't help but giggle as you flirt. 

"Oh don't worry, am keeping score." He growls playfully. "Wait til I get ma hands on you, bonnie." 

"You're keeping score?" You gasp, a heady mix of fear and arousal coursing through you almost urges you to be even more of a teasing brat.

"Aye, spanking arm at the ready." 

"My pouting lips are ready." 

"Won't be the only thing you use them lips for."

Fuck fuck fuck. Not that you hadn't thought about it already, hadn't already let your mind drift to what his cock might look like—whether it matches the size of the man—now you're definitely thinking about it. Fixated on it, craving it. 

Some cards are best kept close to your chest so early on, so you change tack and go a different direction with his flirtation. "Yeah, with you in the room, I'd probably be smiling a whole lot." 

The two of you continue to chat, you asking what you can about his work as he asks about yours, and you fill him in on the boring world you live in, which seems especially boring in comparison to taking down cartels and traveling the world.

The conversation never stops being easy, the flirtation and innuendo always right there at the tip of your tongues as you tease each other relentlessly—giving as good as you get. All night, you're practically grinding against your duvet as you get lost in Johnny's dulcet tones, and you find yourself just letting him speak for the sake of getting to hear more of his voice.

As Johnny is about to ask you more about your background, you're overcome with a harsh yawn that you desperately try to stifle. Your eyes have been shut for the last hour at least, but with the command Johnny has over your nervous system right now, it's been easy to stay awake. 

"Tired, bonnie?" He asks, voice laced with sweet concern.

"Yeah..." Your voice falls quiet, as the thought of ending the call makes your throat constrict. "But I don't wanna stop talking." 

"Me either, but av got bad news." 

You know what's coming, and you know it isn't remotely anywhere near the end of the world, despite what your heart is telling you right now. "Go on." 

"I have to go." Even he sounds sad about such an outcome. 

"It's not even that late?" The clock reads 2 am. 

"Gotta get a wee bit of sleep before I hit the gym, and then get off ta work. Don't you have work too?" 

"Work from home tomorrow, so it's not too bad. Not fair though, I wanna keep talking." You admit quietly. It's too much too soon, but you're overwhelmed, the tide of your emotions crashing over the edges.

"Tell yer what. Next time we call, we can try leaving it on while we sleep."

Your heart flips, as you almost whimper at how cute the gesture is. "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"Obviously." There's that gorgeous laugh again. "Is it working?" 

"Just a little, but that might be the lack of sleep talking, I might be going slightly insane." 

Johnny sighs, and it's clear he's battling to keep a handle on his self-control. "Rest, bonnie, I won't be able to work knowing you're not sleepin'" 

You sigh too, accepting your fate. "Okay, just for you." 

"Just want what's best for you, you need your sleep."  

Your head spins at how utterly sincere he sounds—the care in his voice after such a short amount of time serves to drive you even deeper into this infatuation. "Already?" 

"Can't turn it off, am just protective by nature, bonnie. If you were my girl, you'd have a bedtime." 

And that makes your cunt clench and your heart soar. "Johnny..." You whine.

"Yeah?" 

You hesitate to say what you want to say next, but everything within you is calling out for him, desperate to be in his arms. "Don't make me wait too long to meet you, please." 

His laughter is sweet, conveying a sense of understanding more than anything. "I'll try ma best, supposed to be off on Friday." 

"5 whole days."

"Sure you don't wanna wait a bit longer?" 

You shake your head, mumbling a sound to convey your feelings. "Feels right, don't know how to describe it... do you feel it too?" 

Johnny takes a deep breath, his voice shaking slightly as he speaks. "I do, lass." 

"Good." You couldn't even attempt to fight the idiotic grin on your face, or how warm you feel inside and out. "I'll get some sleep, talk soon." 

"Goodnight, bonnie. Sweet dreams."  

You wait for Johnny to end the call, not wanting to push the button yourself and have his presence fade away. When your screen dims, you resist the urge to text him more, opting instead to put your phone on charge and roll over to Barnaby—wishing it was Johnny instead. 

[bots-and-cons]

Oooh if requests are still open can I request one autobot either Optimus, Ratchet, or Ultra Magnus and one Decepticon either Soundwave or Dreadwing. Which ever you feel like writing for how they would react to their human charge (romantic or platonic) asking them to take care of their pet tortoise Shelldon when they die because African spurred tortoises can live 100-250 years. Thx ^-^

A/N: You actually sent this request twice, but I just deleted the other one. You can interpret this as platonic or romantic, I didn’t really write it specifically for either one

~Ratchet~

•You’ve had the tortoise since you were a kid and it’s very dear to you

•You know it’s going to probably live much, much longer than you and you don’t want it to go to some stranger or someone who won’t take care of it well

•You’ve shown Ratchet pictures of your tortoise, but you can’t really bring it to the base since it doesn’t really like being in the car

•It took you a while to gather your courage to ask him if he would take care of it, since he’s also going to far outlive you

•It’s a bit of a weird feeling to be surrounded by creatures who live so much longer than you

•His first thought is that you’re going to die in like the next week and you just haven’t told him you’re going to die of some illness

•You assure him that that's not the case

•Ratchet is a bit hesitant to promise anything, because how would he know how to take care of it?

•You promise to teach him and he sort of reluctantly agrees

•He actually finds that he quite likes Shelldon, it’s so calm and it gives him the sense that there’s no hurry with anything, sort of a serene feeling

•Ratchet likes feeding it lettuce and other greens that it likes and the occasional fruit such as apple slices

•He eventually pledges he will take care of Shelldon after you die, but he’s hoping that doesn’t happen for a long while

•When you do pass away, Ratchet actually takes really good care of the tortoise and it’s a nice reminder of you

~Soundwave~

•Soundwave quite likes earth animals and he finds a lot of them quite fascinating

•When you mentioned you had a tortoise, he did some research so he could ask you more about it

•He actually finds the name “Shelldon” to be pretty funny (he loves puns)

•You show him pictures of your tortoise and he shows you pictures of tortoises in hats and stuff like that

•After that you want to make a couple of hats for Shelldon and show Soundwave pictures too

•You’ve brought Shelldon to the Nemesis once, but it didn’t seem to like it, probably the whole flying thing or something

•The tortoise also bonks Soundwave’s foot because it’s such a dark color (if you know this video)

•When you ask him if he would take care of Shelldon when you die, he’s pretty surprised

•He of course asks if you’ve been diagnosed with something or if you’re dying

•You just chuckle and tell him no, but you know he’s also going to fat outlive you, and Shelldon too and you would like someone you know to take care of it

•Soundwave considers it for a moment, and eventually tells you yes

•He’s honored you would ask him that and that you’d trust him to take care of your pet

[olderthannetfic]

I'm feeling weird about an interaction I had the other day, and I'm wondering if I could get... I dunno, advice, I guess? From the usual commenters here.

So, context is that three-ish years ago, I got hate-brigaded in the fandom where I did most of my writing, in a way that came out of nowhere, and also in such a way that I felt like I deserved it. I ended up deleting everything I'd made for that fandom off the internet just to make it stop, including nearly six years of an art blog. I got a reality check later from friends whose credibility I trusted a lot more than random strangers on the internet, and eventually reposted most of the fic (backdated to the original dates of posting), and do actually still post fic in that fandom (also backdated to avoid notice). I also post a couple of fics on that account that are not backdated where I write with OCs from the original fandom fic in other fandoms.

The other day, someone who had been working their way through kudosing my stuff in the old fandom posted a complementary comment about it on the most recently updated of the two fanfics that isn't in that fandom, said they liked my OCs in the original fandom fic, and asked if I'd ever be interested in writing about that original fandom again. I explained that I was still writing fic in that fandom, it was just all backdated because most people really did not seem to like what I was writing.

And they responded saying that was too bad, and asking my opinion about a character they love, noting that it's pretty obvious from my fic that I don't like them and wondering why. And, like, this was probably just someone who was looking for fandom connection... but the character they were asking about is one of the most popular characters in the entire fandom. Most of the people still actively writing fic in this fandom are writing about this character, so if they wanted people to engage with about this character, they had basically everyone but me to engage with. And the person who set off the initial hate brigade against me that lead to me deleting basically my entire internet presence for months had this character as their URL.

So in my brain, I immediately go, "bait, this is bait," and delete this person's comments, delete my one response to them, and lock down comments on all the works on that account. And I know, I know that's paranoid overreaction. Based on their kudos pattern, this person was clearly working their way slowly through all the things on that account, which is not something someone who was only there to bait me would do. The only slightly off thing they did was comment on an unrelated most-recently-updated work instead of one of the works for the actual fandom. Probably they didn't realize that most people have comment emails turned on and didn't know I'd see a comment if they posted it on one of the older works, and they definitely didn't know what asking that particular question would do to me.

But I just... don't know how to exist in a fandom space any more without intense paranoia. I want to keep writing these things that bring me joy, and I do, but I miss being able to have my comments open without fear. I miss being able to post to a blog that wasn't locked down from Tumblr search. I wish I could interact with ANY fandom these days—not just that original one, but any fandom at all—and not feel like someone is going to turn on me out of nowhere. I can't overstate how out-of-nowhere that hate brigade was: my average fic got maybe 2 kudos. My art blog had fewer than 100 followers, and on average I got like 5 notes. I still to this day don't know why the person who set it off had such a hate-on for me, because it was clear from some of the anons I was getting that they'd built up a hell of a litany of ills to pile on my head, while all being vague enough that I never quite got a clear picture of what they were accusing me of.

I know part of the solution is to grow a thicker skin, and to block frequently. And I've been working on that, I guess I just... thought I was doing a bit better at growing a thicker skin and not being reactionary and the other day's incident made it really, really apparent I'm not, and I don't know what to do about it, because apparently the therapy is not doing enough! (Not that my therapist understands fandom...)

Any advice?

--

I mean... it's PTSD or something of the sort. Treat it as such.

[desertfangs]

if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

I do keep outtakes but usually only longer ones and I just checked for the most recent fics I've posted and I don't think I have any, which is not typical for me. Either that means I just removed some sentences or reworded things, or somehow lost the outtakes.

BUT I was especially looking for Look Right Through since it's a longer fic and while there aren't any outtakes I can find, I do have a false start. When I started this fic, I wanted to do something plotty that would force Armand, Marius, and Daniel to work together to solve a problem. And my first inclination was to have someone show up and ask Daniel for help. It wasn't working so I ended up going in a different direction, where Daniel finds a body in the house instead, but I don't know, I may eventually write use that premise.

Beneath the cut is the first beginning I wrote for what became Look Right Through, complete with Daniel wearing his shabbiest clothes for funsies:

Daniel jolted at the knock on the door. It wasn’t typical for people to come knocking on Trinity Gate’s front door. It wasn’t unheard of—god knew between Armand and Benji, Amazon packages were a regular occurrence—but at eleven o’clock at night, it was a little strange. It got stranger when he reached out with his sense and realized the unexpected visitor was a vampire.He set down his iPad and walked to foyer. The pounding on the door continued, so hard Daniel was worried they’d break the door. He was tempted to tell them to hold their damn horses but instead, crept up to the peephole and looked out. He frowned. The immortal was a woman who appeared to be in her thirties or so—near Daniel’s mortal age—with her messy brown hair in a bob. She was frenzied, looking behind her as if scared she was being pursued. She turned back and pounded on the door again. Daniel hesitated. Trinity Gate was, technically, the official New York Coven House, but he felt strange inviting an unknown immortal inside. Armand was out at some art fundraiser Daniel had managed to avoid going to, purely because Armand knew those people and they knew him to be with his “husband” Louis, who was in Paris. Daniel felt ill-equipped for this and suddenly wished Marius had made good on his promise to come to New York for the summer. He ran his fingers through his short ashen hair and then, after taking a breath, opened the door. The woman looked surprised to see him. Then again, Daniel was probably not what she expected, and it didn’t help that he was currently wearing sweatpants and a David Bowie t-shirt. “I seek protection from the Court,” she said, voice high and full of fear. “Can you help me?” “Yeah, of course,” Daniel said, moving back and gesturing for her to come inside. He poked out his head and looked down the street and out across the street into Central Park. He didn’t see or sense another immortal or anything threatening, but he wasn’t always convinced of the accuracy of his Mind Gift. He shut the door and then, for good measure, locked it, not that the deadbolt would do much against another immortal. Armand had other security measures for that. “What exactly are you seeking protection from?” Daniel asked. The woman was shaking, he realized, and deathly pale. She had marks on her wrists, dark bruises that were fading, but slowly. She hadn’t fed tonight, he gathered, and from what he could tell, she was fairly new in the blood. She looked Daniel over and frowned slightly. “You’re a vampire, so I assume this is the right place.” “Yeah, it is. Sorry. I should have… I’m Daniel. The official Coven Representative is out right now.” Daniel pulled out his phone. “I’ll text him.” Daniel texted “Court Emergency.” And then a second later, realized that could mean anything and Armand was sure to panic if he thought any of those he loved were in danger. “Stranger showed up here, wants our help.” The woman was looking around the foyer, still hugging herself. “What’s your name?” Daniel asked her. He should have asked that first, but he wanted to know what sort of situation he’d just let through the door. “Hadley,” she said, smiling faintly. It didn’t reach her eyes. Daniel’s phone buzzed. “On my way,” was Armand’s only reply. Good. Relief washed over him. He didn’t want to be handling this alone. “And what’s got you so scared?” Daniel asked her. She swallowed and shook her head. “He’s trying to kill me.” Daniel frowned. “Who?” “My maker.” Daniel winced involuntarily. “Why?” Hadley stared at him and did not answer. He figured the sweatpants weren’t exactly giving him an air of authority, but then, his plans for the evening had been to finish the Sunday Crossword on his iPad and maybe boot up the Playstation until Armand got home, at which point he’d hoped to ditch clothes entirely.

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

kdnfb's Ten Years of Fanfiction Mania

Featuring: Unmasked

Summary: Written under an Anonymous pseudonym ~M~ to fill the following prompt ~ Historical Katniss and Peeta hate each other. They attend a masquerade ball and for some reason end up kissing each other. Sparks fly everywhere. Katniss tries to find the man behind the mask but Peeta knows it was Katniss though he doesnt say anything. They end up bethrothed even if they 'despise' each other. How they fall in love is up to u and how katniss figured out it was peeta is up to u

Rating: E for explicit sexual content, explicit language, implied/referenced rape/nonconsensual (not everlark), implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced miscarriage, discussions of illness, war, and injury in a historical setting, ptsd, minor character death. They worst of these tags happens offscreen and is merely discussed and dealt with rather than shown here.

A/N: ~Unmasked~ is my longest fic in terms of word count (around 234k), although Outside Chance and Spellbound are not too far behind and are both incomplete. Unmasked started as something meant to be fun and cathartic, then turned into a ridiculously long and self indulgent fic that I still, to this day, have no idea if the anonymous person who submitted the prompt to @everlarkficexchange even read, let alone whether or not they liked it. But I love what I produced for this fic.

Why write it anonymously and only reveal myself later? A couple reasons. 1) Historical is not my wheel house. At least not writing it. I am a shameless consumer of historical romances. I did some research for this fic but not nearly the level I would've liked to have done. Eventually, I said screw it, it's about the vibes not the accuracy. 2) I had a pile of unfinished wips when I started this, to include Outside Chance and Spellbound (both of which are still unfinished hmmmmm) and I really didn't want a lot of questions about when I was going to get back to those while I was working on this because 3) I'd just gone through a small slice of writerly hell to the point that I seriously considered deleting my entire tumblr and all of my fanfic. Details are not important right now, the result is. That's probably the closest I've ever come to calling myself done with fandom.

Then this prompt posted to EFE and wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually, I decided that if I was going to write it, I wanted to write it with as little pressure as possible. So I chose to write and post it as ~M~ until it was finished. Plus, I thought it might make it fun for people other than me if there was a bit of mystery behind it. And I don't regret doing that.

Writing behind a mask allowed me to be as long winded and self-indulgent as I wanted to without worrying about how tight the storyline was or how accurate the historical details were, or wondering if I'd be walking into my tumblr and a barrage of the kind of messages I'd come to dread receiving. The only thing I worried about, really was if the amount and kind of smut I included gave me away prematurely lmao.

While this was my first real foray into the realm of historical fics, I am hoping it's not the last. I've got too many ideas and half started pieces to back out of it now. But those, like this one, will probably remain untethered to a specific real place, and a specific time, mainly because I just don't have that kind of time for research if I'm not getting paid to do it lol. They will be works of love if not works of accuracy.

Unmasked on AO3

[hircines-hunter]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

sorry let me post this on the RIGHT blog! not sure if the other tags stay if I delete it but. Thank you @rakaiawriter for tagging me! Tagging @thequeenofthewinter @umbracirrus @madamefluffnstuff @bostoniangirl21

How many works do you have on A03? 18 works (mostly bc I dont post my oneshots separately).

What's your total word count? 174k on AO3 (I have a lot that is NOT posted and a bunch that’s been scrapped. Like probably another 100k+ more words lol

What fandoms do you write for? TES, Dragon’s Dogma (Eventually one day I’ll write my One Piece things)

Top 5 fics by kudos? Just a Ruin (and Mudcrab) Advocate  54 Kudos Coldfire Codex  29 Kudos Roar of a Wolfborn 25 Kudos Mages’ Guild Fiasco: Journal of Vestige Liselle 22 Kudos Shadows Preserve Us 22 Kudos

Do you respond to comments? I try to! I do keep them in my email though! <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? It is not posted anymore, but I wrote out a miniseries for Sifkni’s past. So, if you are reading the newly updated version of Roar of a Wolfborn, you probably never got to experience the angst that was Howls of Whiterun (If you are interested and want to read stuff from 2014/2015 send me a DM I can send the document of trash :3)

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Rage of Dragons and the Vestige - It’s the 3rd part in Liselle’s story. It covers Northern Elsweyr. She gets married to that old man, Abnur Tharn. Gets herself a Khajiiti Wedding bc that’s where they were.

Do you get hate on fics? I have in the past. For my old crack fic for Kingdom Hearts. I’ve recently found my one Dragon’s Dogma fic on a stupid website that says your writing is shitty or whatever. LOL I’m more angry about it, but like, it was written for fun… nothing serious my dudes. ( I can also supply this link but honestly its stupid.) The fic was written in 2014? 2015? And the review was posted in 2019?? XD

Do you write smut? I have but I will not write it anymore. It makes my physically ill sometimes. I get really bad anxiety over it.

Craziest crossover? I have a fic from like…2001? That was just a bunch of my husbandos from all my favorite animes falling in love with me. :3c, but nothing recent. Crossovers are not my things.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? YES! OMG! Someone stole MY fic idea and then TRIED to say I PLAGIARIZED THEM! The absolute! NERVE!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I am aware…. I’ve had people use my translations of doujinshi to make more translations?

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes. It was quickly dropped due to his time constraints and low interest in TES at the time. Attempted to write it myself, but it wasn’t the same.

All-time favorite ship? Abnur Tharn x Liselle Yvette Farkas x Sifkni

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Frostfalls of Solstheim - I dont know why I EVEN started this, but not sure I will finish it Shadows Preserve Us - I hate this so much. I love Ragna and I love Mercer, but its been so hard to focus on this now. I might rewrite one day.

What are your writing strengths? Fuck if I know.

What are your writing weaknesses? I think I hate it sometimes? I procrastinate A LOT!

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? As someone who inserts random Ta’agra, Jel and Dovahzul into their fics…. :)

First fandom you ever wrote in? Slayers Next??

Favorite fic you've written? Just a Ruin (and Mudcrab) Advocate or Roar of a Wolfborn

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Hi! Please could I get one of the ship things w one of the male outsiders characters? Thank you :) if it's not open feel free to delete this btw!!

I'm brunette w/ a very shaggy mullet, and gray eyes + freckles. I'm very much a nerd tbh! I'm really into movies, but like, the technicalities of them + the minor details of them and I could ramble about it forever to whoever will listen to me + I love rambling about all of my interests!! I also really like to read! Ill read pretty much anything w a pretty writing style or that seems interesting to me but I also love very stereotypically nerdy stuff like arcade games, superheroes, comics, ect. I also really like to draw (or rather just doodle) and I like to draw on ppl I'm close to's hands as a way to show my affection!!

As for my personality I am very very awkward around ppl I don't know thanks to my pretty bad social anxiety but the moment I'm comfortable w someone all that awkwardness goes away + I literally never shut up!! I ramble about movies so so much and it annoys everyone around me + i'm rlly confident around the ppl I rlly love. My love language is physical touch and I'm affectionate because of this + I love to give and receive affection because I'm touch starved.

Your Outsiders Ship: Sodapop Curtis 

Explanation: I think he really digs you’re kind of geeky personality and would absolutely listen to any rants that you had about literally anything and he would listen to it so intently and then probably talk to Darry and Ponyboy theories you had and be like dude my partners actually such a genius he won’t believe what they said about x and y and then eventually his family is like OK can you please shut up about Y/n. I think socially you guys would contrast perfectly together because he could do a lot of the talking for you as he’s a social butterfly and you could just sit in the corner with your thumbs up awkwardly in front of your chest and it would be great. I think he would just die. If you ever drew something of him he would just like be so flattered and so honored he would probably like hang it up somewhere and just absolutely love it anyway I think he would yeah absolutely just love that. And then proceeded to brag to his brother about how cool you are. I personally think soda pop is a very touchy-feely guy so he would absolutely love cuddling and snuggling with you and constantly holding you in someway or another. I actually kind of think he’s clingy especially after Sandy I think if he’s standing near you, he needs to be touching you in some way. Yall are CUTE 💚💚

[spicycreativity]

Heyyy so I loved how happy I am to see this house once more the dialogue was perfection and it felt so much like a Percy Jackson story I can’t get enough. So anyway I know it’s the day after but I want to know like is Virgil ok after royally fucking up his arm and side and then having Remus pull it? Is Remus good or are those claw marks gonna kill him? What are all of Roman’s powers and why does he have so many while Remus has none? Does Virgil have a crush on Logan? I want more of this series like so bad

Thank you so much!!! I have a little more planned, but not much but now I'm kind of inspired to continue hehe

Virgil & Remus' Injuries:

Ngl at first I was gonna use nectar & ambrosia's magical healing properties to handwave that all away, but I did kind of nerf them with the express purpose of making injuries feel more immediately threatening and dangerous... so it actually might be more interesting if their healing properties don't work very well on old injuries 🤔 I think, in the long term: yes, Virgil & Remus are gonna be okay! But they might have some issues/pain in the short term that could be fun to explore

Roman's powers/Remus' lack thereof:

You've stumbled upon a deleted scene! Well, does it count as a deleted scene if I never wrote it? 😅 Remus was actually supposed to discover some powers over the course of the journey but I couldn't find a good way to fit it into the fic. Since it was a gift, it was supposed to be Virgil-centric and I didn't want to deviate too much

Where they are right now: Roman can heal himself via singing (he hasn't learned about thee 'via singing' part yet and thinks it's random), but it wipes him out afterward. Remus can't fo anything

Where they're gonna end up (eventually): Roman will eventually learn to control his healing powers and use them on other people. I'm also trying with the idea of having him be able to emit a concentrated light that can sorta. vaporize enemies. And a few other things that I haven't really workshopped. Remus will come into his own and discover that he has, essentially, plague powers? The scurvy conversation was meant to be foreshadowing for that; he's basically gonna be able to give enemies scurvy and have their previous wounds kill them

As to why Roman is more outwardly powerful, better-looking, more charismatic, just bigger and stronger overall, I wanted to jump off of their canon appearances and behaviors and deepen them here using Apollo as a tool to do so. I'm not into Classics but I think Apollo is a great example of the unity of "Great" and "Terrible" so I wanted to split that up into Roman (Great; healing, sunlight, music) and Remus (Terrible; illness, tragedy, despair)

So, in short, Remus is a late bloomer to make Roman look greater by comparison. In-universe, I guess it's just one of those things that happens

Virgil and Logan:

Short answer: No (unless....?)

Long answer: The person I wrote How Happy I Am for is not super into romance, which is why there wasn't any in the fic. However, I LOVE fictional romance and I really REALLY love Analogical, so I feel like it probably kinda leaked in 🙈

It'll probably make a little more sense in the narrative when I get around to writing Virgil and Logan's "getting to camp" story, too: the short version is that Virgil and Logan shared a semi-traumatic experience together and Virgil was like "great, now I'll have a friend at camp" and when they got there, Logan immediately ghosted him. That's also why Virgil was so fixated on Janus at first, thinking they were kindred spirits and good be friends bc he really didn't relate to Patton very much and was mistrustful of his intentions. And why he was so mad when Janus turned out to be kind if an asshole (affectionate) 🤣

Thank you so much for dropping by my inbox! Seriously, it really means a lot to me and I'm so glad you like my fic 💜💜💜💜💜💜

[xthexsanctuaryx]

{ i'll follow you into the dark }

➳ PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

{ summary: } one very important - almost deleted - voicemail, leads marc to reunite with emma much sooner than any of the system anticipated. { pairing: } | eventual | original character { emma harper } x marc spector, emma harper x steven grant && emma harper x jake lockley { content: } homeless shelter, "angel" rescues, angst { I guess? I don’t know what else to call it. }, hurt/comfortesque { warnings: } severe mental illness { psychosis, hallucinations, depression }, main character is actively in psychosis, I’ve done my best to write it in the least triggering way but there are a lot of heavy themes that will take place in this series, so forewarning. homelessness. abuse/abusive parents. typical misunderstanding and misinterpretation that comes with psychosis. due to the nature of emma’s psychosis, things are very unhealthily skewed in a religious context. triggering themes related to the aforementioned { author’s note: } after I finished reading "tear down my reason" by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction it inspired me to work on an idea I’d been playing with about emma and the boys meeting while both in a mental hospital at the same time. I wanted to write a series that would help other people with severe mental illness feel seen and heard as there really aren't works out there like this, especially not actually written by people with firsthand experience of things like psychosis. this series is being written with a lot of love and care so I truly hope that it can be cathartic for those who read who might also live with mental illness because you DO matter and your stories DO deserve to be told. { special dedication: } I don't usually do this but speaking of fen @my-secret-shame, originally I wasn't going to release this one until I came back from hiatus -- but this one is for you lovebug. my heart couldn't bear leaving you on that cliffhanger when I saw your comment today. there's also a special little easter egg in here JUST for you. you'll know it when you see it. ((; - leaving this here for you cause it's Important -blows kisses- { word count: } 1,497 { taglist: } @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @sub-aro

“H-hi Marc, it’s Emma – I just wanted to let you know that they let me out, I—I don’t have a phone, Tom told me my service is off? He’s the man at the shelter? I guess my mom said I couldn’t come home…I was hoping you could maybe come see me, if you can…I—I know you probably can’t—anyway, I don’t know the telephone number here, but I guess I’ll try call you again later—they told me this place is called Hope’s Holy Heart, in case you wanted to visit—okay, bye…”

He hadn’t answered the phone – not recognizing the number.

And he almost didn’t even check the voicemail either, but something told him to – just in case.

As he listens to it play back, panic swells in his chest.

“Shit!” He hisses, listening to it again, this time furiously scribbling down any information she gives and then saving the voicemail – again, just in case.

“I knew—I fucking knew…” He mutters in fury as he searches for the shelter’s address and then puts it into his GPS.

He’s so angry he practically shakes, the anxiety over something happening to her only exacerbating that particular symptom.

He slips on his jacket and grabs his keys, clutching them so tightly they dig into his palm. Not giving it a second thought, even as Jake wakes up in his mind.

‘What is it, Marc—what happened?’

Marc doesn’t hold back any of the rage he’s feeling as he rushes down to their car almost mowing down one of their neighbors in his path in the process.

“She’s at a fucking homeless shelter—they released her and her fucking mother wouldn’t let her come home—she doesn’t even have a working phone—”

Jake sighs heavily in his mind, ‘okay—alright just calm down—’

“Calm down?!”

Steven perks up, chiming in, ‘seeing you like this isn’t going to help her, mate—’

‘Maybe you should let me drive,’ Jake suggests.

“Not a chance—she called me.”

‘Alright—alright, just try to slow it down a bit, Marc—she’s gonna need you to have your head on straight.’ Steven tries to sound as soothing as possible.

Forty-five minutes later he finds himself in a parking lot surrounded by a pretty rundown neighborhood. Again, the idea of her being turned out on her own, given her present state in a place like this causes his adrenaline to surge.

He squeezes his eyes shut, taking a couple deep breaths, and a quick heel of his hand to the side of his head, and gets out of the car.

There is a small group of people outside the main entrance smoking cigarettes as he makes his way in.

A small woman with round glasses greets him and he quickly explains he’s here to see someone who came today from a nearby hospital.

“She said a man named Tom was helping her.”

He’s told that she’ll go find him, “wait here.”

Minutes later, a tall thin man comes to meet him.

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah—a friend called and told me she was staying here, came from a mental hospital—Emma Harper?” Marc cuts straight to the point, giving detail so that the man standing before him knows he actually knows her.

Tom lightly tests him, having come to understand Emma’s situation a little better, “what did you say your name was?”

“Marc.”

“Right, she’s told me all about you, I’ll go get her.” Tom almost breathes a sigh of relief, hoping that this person might be willing to let her stay with him.

Not long after, Tom leads Emma back out to the front – Emma, who immediately all but runs and jumps into Marc’s arms. Now that she’s allowed to, she thinks to herself.

This, causes Marc to breathe a sigh of relief as he wraps her in his arms, cradling her head against him.

“Are you okay?” He murmurs into her shoulder.

Emma withdraws enough to face him and shrugs her shoulders up to her ears slowly.

“They told me—” She pauses, forgetting what she was going to say or where her train of thought was even going.

Tom clears his throat, “we only have a spot for her for the night—is there anyone you know that she could stay with temp—"

“She can stay with me…” Marc speaks over him, not letting him finish.

The taller man does offer a relieved smile, even though neither Emma nor Marc are looking at him – instead, caught staring at each other.

In her mind, she reads it as a miracle – her angel rescuing her again – and smiles at him softly.

Marc only reaches to cradle her jaw, gently asking, “where are your things?”

“My things?” She repeats in confusion.

Tom interjects again, “truth be told, she didn’t arrive with much more than what she’s wearing, I know she’s got a phone and what looked to be like a journal – aside from paperwork.”

Marc can feel the anger only simmer in him stronger, removing his jacket and making to set it protectively over her shoulders.

His eyes stay softly on Emma, even with the crease between his brows, “where is it?”

“In a plastic bag – I can go get it if Emma doesn’t mind, I kept it in my office – things have a habit of going missing…”

Marc nods, “why don’t you go with him? I’ll wait right here.”

Emma nods with him before following Tom back into the back.

Marc sighs heavily, mumbling quietly to the others, “she’s got nothing guys…”

‘We should at least get her some pajamas, so she doesn’t have to sleep in street clothes.’ Steven suggests, voice riddled with concern.

‘Si—and we need to get that phone activated.’ Jake adds.

“We’re gonna need to call in some reinforcements…” Marc mutters.

At the same time all three of them agree, “Mati.”

It’s around that time that Emma reappears with the same plastic bag that’s standard mental hospital issue.

Tom reaches out to shake Marc’s hand, “thank you for this—I’d hate to see her end up— well— I’m glad it worked out…”

Marc shakes his hand, “thanks for getting her to—me…”

He then takes Emma’s hand and walks her out to their car.

“I was thinking we could stop and get you some pajamas—”

“Steven…” Emma corrects, holding his hand snugly, noting to herself how nice it feels around hers. But then – you probably weren’t supposed to feel that way about your guardian angels.

Marc can’t help the soft grin, “Steven.”

They stop at a few stores on the way home to get her the basics – toiletries, pajamas, a sweatshirt, a couple staple clothing items.

The process affords him a little comfort that he’s helping in a tangible sort of way.

Once they make it back, Marc suggests she take a shower to help her feel better.

She decides it’s a good idea, saying something about cleaning off the evil energies – and to a point, Marc can’t help but agree.

He hangs out near the door to the bathroom in case something happens but far enough that she can’t hear the phone call he makes to their best friend.

“You brought her home?!” Mat exclaims on the other end of the line.

“What did you want me to do Mati -- her mother is a monster—she kicked her out during psychosis after doing god knows what to her for years...”

Mat immediately sighs, “yeah, you're right, I would've done the same thing...”

“Thank you...so are you gonna help or not?” Marc presses impatiently.

“I’ll be over in ten…”

It’s about then that the water shuts off in the bathroom.

He has trouble tearing himself away, worried that she’ll need him, and he won’t be there, but forces himself into the kitchen.

‘If ‘er mother already turned the phone service off—you don’t s’pose we’d get lucky that she’s still got health care?’

Marc immediately drops his head, scrubbing a hand down in face with an exasperated whisper of a, “fuck!”

‘I don’t think you’re helping, hermano…’

‘I’m just thinking is all…trying to be prepared, aren’t I?’

Emma makes her way out of the bathroom then, in fresh pajamas, playing with her fingers as she steps into the kitchen.

“Is everything okay, Marc?” She asks, her voice small.

He pulls his head out of his hand, reassuring her with a quiet smile, “yeah—it will be.”

Emma nods with a frown of understanding, rolling her lips in.

“Why don’t I put a movie on and Steven can lecture me on how to make you a ‘proper’ cup of tea?” He teases, trying to ease her worries.

She nods again, but waits for him to take the lead – it being his home and all.

She swallows, suggesting hopefully, “Ever seen Anastasia?”

15 minutes later she’s settled on the couch with a comforter wrapped around her, mug in hand, and Mat finally arrives.

[thexsanctuaryx]

ʚ♡ɞ I’ll Follow You Into the Dark ʚ♡ɞ

➳ PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

{ summary: } one very important - almost deleted - voicemail, leads marc to reunite with emma much sooner than any of the system anticipated. { pairing: } | eventual | original character { emma harper } x marc spector, emma harper x steven grant && emma harper x jake lockley { content: } homeless shelter, "angel" rescues, angst { I guess? I don’t know what else to call it. }, hurt/comfortesque { warnings: } severe mental illness { psychosis, hallucinations, depression }, main character is actively in psychosis, I’ve done my best to write it in the least triggering way but there are a lot of heavy themes that will take place in this series, so forewarning. homelessness. abuse/abusive parents. typical misunderstanding and misinterpretation that comes with psychosis. due to the nature of emma’s psychosis, things are very unhealthily skewed in a religious context. triggering themes related to the aforementioned { author’s note: } after I finished reading "tear down my reason" by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction it inspired me to work on an idea I’d been playing with about emma and the boys meeting while both in a mental hospital at the same time. I wanted to write a series that would help other people with severe mental illness feel seen and heard as there really aren't works out there like this, especially not actually written by people with firsthand experience of things like psychosis. this series is being written with a lot of love and care so I truly hope that it can be cathartic for those who read who might also live with mental illness because you DO matter and your stories DO deserve to be told. { special dedication: } I don't usually do this but speaking of fen @my-secret-shame, originally I wasn't going to release this one until I came back from hiatus -- but this one is for you lovebug. my heart couldn't bear leaving you on that cliffhanger when I saw your comment today. there's also a special little easter egg in here JUST for you. you'll know it when you see it. ((; { word count: } 1,497 { taglist: } @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @sub-aro

“H-hi Marc, it’s Emma – I just wanted to let you know that they let me out, I—I don’t have a phone, Tom told me my service is off? He’s the man at the shelter? I guess my mom said I couldn’t come home…I was hoping you could maybe come see me, if you can…I—I know you probably can’t—anyway, I don’t know the telephone number here, but I guess I’ll try call you again later—they told me this place is called Hope’s Holy Heart, in case you wanted to visit—okay, bye…”

He hadn’t answered the phone – not recognizing the number.

And he almost didn’t even check the voicemail either, but something told him to – just in case.

As he listens to it play back, panic swells in his chest.

“Shit!” He hisses, listening to it again, this time furiously scribbling down any information she gives and then saving the voicemail – again, just in case.

“I knew—I fucking knew…” He mutters in fury as he searches for the shelter’s address and then puts it into his GPS.

He’s so angry he practically shakes, the anxiety over something happening to her only exacerbating that particular symptom.

He slips on his jacket and grabs his keys, clutching them so tightly they dig into his palm. Not giving it a second thought, even as Jake wakes up in his mind.

‘What is it, Marc—what happened?’

Marc doesn’t hold back any of the rage he’s feeling as he rushes down to their car almost mowing down one of their neighbors in his path in the process.

“She’s at a fucking homeless shelter—they released her and her fucking mother wouldn’t let her come home—she doesn’t even have a working phone—”

Jake sighs heavily in his mind, ‘okay—alright just calm down—’

“Calm down?!”

Steven perks up, chiming in, ‘seeing you like this isn’t going to help her, mate—’

‘Maybe you should let me drive,’ Jake suggests.

“Not a chance—she called me.”

‘Alright—alright, just try to slow it down a bit, Marc—she’s gonna need you to have your head on straight.’ Steven tries to sound as soothing as possible.

Forty-five minutes later he finds himself in a parking lot surrounded by a pretty rundown neighborhood. Again, the idea of her being turned out on her own, given her present state in a place like this causes his adrenaline to surge.

He squeezes his eyes shut, taking a couple deep breaths, and a quick heel of his hand to the side of his head, and gets out of the car.

There is a small group of people outside the main entrance smoking cigarettes as he makes his way in.

A small woman with round glasses greets him and he quickly explains he’s here to see someone who came today from a nearby hospital.

“She said a man named Tom was helping her.”

He’s told that she’ll go find him, “wait here.”

Minutes later, a tall thin man comes to meet him.

“Can I help you?”

“Yeah—a friend called and told me she was staying here, came from a mental hospital—Emma Harper?” Marc cuts straight to the point, giving detail so that the man standing before him knows he actually knows her.

Tom lightly tests him, having come to understand Emma’s situation a little better, “what did you say your name was?”

“Marc.”

“Right, she’s told me all about you, I’ll go get her.” Tom almost breathes a sigh of relief, hoping that this person might be willing to let her stay with him.

Not long after, Tom leads Emma back out to the front – Emma, who immediately all but runs and jumps into Marc’s arms. Now that she’s allowed to, she thinks to herself.

This, causes Marc to breathe a sigh of relief as he wraps her in his arms, cradling her head against him.

“Are you okay?” He murmurs into her shoulder.

Emma withdraws enough to face him and shrugs her shoulders up to her ears slowly.

“They told me—” She pauses, forgetting what she was going to say or where her train of thought was even going.

Tom clears his throat, “we only have a spot for her for the night—is there anyone you know that she could stay with temp—"

“She can stay with me…” Marc speaks over him, not letting him finish.

The taller man does offer a relieved smile, even though neither Emma nor Marc are looking at him – instead, caught staring at each other.

In her mind, she reads it as a miracle – her angel rescuing her again – and smiles at him softly.

Marc only reaches to cradle her jaw, gently asking, “where are your things?”

“My things?” She repeats in confusion.

Tom interjects again, “truth be told, she didn’t arrive with much more than what she’s wearing, I know she’s got a phone and what looked to be like a journal – aside from paperwork.”

Marc can feel the anger only simmer in him stronger, removing his jacket and making to set it protectively over her shoulders.

His eyes stay softly on Emma, even with the crease between his brows, “where is it?”

“In a plastic bag – I can go get it if Emma doesn’t mind, I kept it in my office – things have a habit of going missing…”

Marc nods, “why don’t you go with him? I’ll wait right here.”

Emma nods with him before following Tom back into the back.

Marc sighs heavily, mumbling quietly to the others, “she’s got nothing guys…”

‘We should at least get her some pajamas, so she doesn’t have to sleep in street clothes.’ Steven suggests, voice riddled with concern.

‘Si—and we need to get that phone activated.’ Jake adds.

“We’re gonna need to call in some reinforcements…” Marc mutters.

At the same time all three of them agree, “Mati.”

It’s around that time that Emma reappears with the same plastic bag that’s standard mental hospital issue.

Tom reaches out to shake Marc’s hand, “thank you for this—I’d hate to see her end up— well— I’m glad it worked out…”

Marc shakes his hand, “thanks for getting her to—me…”

He then takes Emma’s hand and walks her out to their car.

“I was thinking we could stop and get you some pajamas—”

“Steven…” Emma corrects, holding his hand snugly, noting to herself how nice it feels around hers. But then – you probably weren’t supposed to feel that way about your guardian angels.

Marc can’t help the soft grin, “Steven.”

They stop at a few stores on the way home to get her the basics – toiletries, pajamas, a sweatshirt, a couple staple clothing items.

The process affords him a little comfort that he’s helping in a tangible sort of way.

Once they make it back, Marc suggests she take a shower to help her feel better.

She decides it’s a good idea, saying something about cleaning off the evil energies – and to a point, Marc can’t help but agree.

He hangs out near the door to the bathroom in case something happens but far enough that she can’t hear the phone call he makes to their best friend.

“You brought her home?!” Mat exclaims on the other end of the line.

“What did you want me to do Mati -- her mother is a monster—she kicked her out during psychosis after doing god knows what to her for years...”

Mat immediately sighs, “yeah, you're right, I would've done the same thing...”

“Thank you...so are you gonna help or not?” Marc presses impatiently.

“I’ll be over in ten…”

It’s about then that the water shuts off in the bathroom.

He has trouble tearing himself away, worried that she’ll need him, and he won’t be there, but forces himself into the kitchen.

‘If ‘er mother already turned the phone service off—you don’t s’pose we’d get lucky that she’s still got health care?’

Marc immediately drops his head, scrubbing a hand down in face with an exasperated whisper of a, “fuck!”

‘I don’t think you’re helping, hermano…’

‘I’m just thinking is all…trying to be prepared, aren’t I?’

Emma makes her way out of the bathroom then, in fresh pajamas, playing with her fingers as she steps into the kitchen.

“Is everything okay, Marc?” She asks, her voice small.

He pulls his head out of his hand, reassuring her with a quiet smile, “yeah—it will be.”

Emma nods with a frown of understanding, rolling her lips in.

“Why don’t I put a movie on and Steven can lecture me on how to make you a ‘proper’ cup of tea?” He teases, trying to ease her worries.

She nods again, but waits for him to take the lead – it being his home and all.

She swallows, suggesting hopefully, “Ever seen Anastasia?”

15 minutes later she’s settled on the couch with a comforter wrapped around her, mug in hand, and Mat finally arrives.

[he4rts-f0r-evang3line]

random hobie brown headcanons!

all will be sfw the nsfw/spicy ones will be in pink

trying real hard not to delete this acc and kms bc of a sudden trigger

also this won't be proofread because im in the middle of a mental breakdown

he always looks for you when he performs

he's not the jealous "i show everyone who is my lover" type, more like the subtle "let's go" kind in crowded places to yk do unholy things

also small public demonstrations of affection <3 <3

like holding hands, putting his hand on your waist when you walk, small kisses both on your cheek and on your lips, small notes when he wakes up earlier than you since he's yk a spider man

he gave you one of his very own spike bracelets which i feel would be really dear to him

prob made you one esp for you

no matter how your styles differ he will still find a way to have something that reminds him of you on him whether it's a badge, a hair clip or even rings

taking you to the piercer as a first date!!

despite him being an anarchist he's actually very caring

you're sick? fuck capitalism he will make you his own medicine with some of his teas

unrelated but i feel like he's Jamaican or smth wait lemme check

ok i didn't find anything but ill js hc him as jamaican

so like yea when you're sick he makes you jamaican medicine

"take this shortcake! i know it doesn't seem yummy but i promise you'll feel better in a snap after!

you did feel better in a snap

(for fem aligned readers) when you're on your period he turns into the sweetest man ever

sometimes the two of you meet after his concerts - even though that's smth really important for him he makes sure you know you're his actual priority- you go on a rooftop and he tells you about his parents

feeling dysphoric because you're transmasc and on your period ? he makes sure you're the most handsome person he ever knew

when the two of you are doing it, he always makes sure he has your consent before trying anything new - or even before trying anything at all

he's not afraid to admit he's in love with you and he treats you like ROYALTY

you like this specific song? he'll post you to this song and even write love songs for you. remember that specific cat café you mentioned three months ago? he'll bring you there for your birthday.

going nonverbal and being overstimulated? that's no problem for him he'll sit with you in the dark in silence until you feel better.

THIS MAN IS A MAN OF AFTERCARE "you did so well for me darling <3 now what about we get some sweets and cuddle under the stars?"

he's a top most of the but yk he secretly lives when you're in control

HICKEYS HICKEYS HICKEYS ALL OVER YOUR BODY esp on your neck and in between your thighs

speaking of thighs whenever you feel insecure he turns into your girl best friend

having big thighs ? it's more comfy for when he has his head on his lap. big boobs?more comfy for cuddling. no/small boobs? it's ok clothes fit more easily. the list goes on but he always cheers you up.

UNLABELLED THEY/HE HOBIE‼️‼️‼️‼️

p sure he love when you ride him

like you're on top of him in some way but he somehow keeps control

probably likes to asset his dominance by putting a hand around your neck (wdym i don't have a choke kink i do)

BUT HE ALWAYS MAKES SURE YOURE OK THAT MAKES HIM LITTEALLY SM HOTTER OMG

he's always down for ditching class but he somehow has the best grades

which upsets you bc you're the one who always want to ditch class but your grades ain't following

omg it's giving academical rivals au

so like he sometimes comes at your place to help you w the subjects you have trouble with

eventually you end up pinned down on your desk passionately kissing

+ seeing you in a school uniform makes him go feral

fucking you in your school skirt? boy he sure is turned on

quickies in the school's bathroom ? man he loves danger so he's obviously down

+ he loves the way kissing you makes his piercing feel (idk but if i had healed piercings on my lips id love the way it'd feel)

SLOW BURN MAKE OUT SESSION IN THE RAIN

can you tell i love rain? bc i do

he makes sure you feel loved and says it to everyone he knows

"hey that's (reader's name) did you know they're my partner i love them sm"

he notices small habits and picks them up when he misses you (idk how to explain bit for example i sometimes twitch my nose because of my allergies- in that case if you did he would too)

HIGH PATTERN RECOGNITION even though he won't force you to tell him why you feel bad he instantly notices the changes in your behavior

"can you repeat, darling? i didn't hear what you said"

he makes sure you use your words despite you being overstimulated

+ his hands. they make you go crazy.

he's actually a lonely guy, give this poor man a big hug :(

no but fr tho he went through sm his backstory made me cry

OK bit of a vent now🕺🏻 but first tysm for reading ily ! <3 /p

i suddenly lost all motivation to post full fics bc i keep comparing me to others, most well known posters and it really triggers me so i guess i'll make the lonely series go on a hiatus. also working on requests! but it's getting harder to not kms bc of the pressure im putting on myself 🫠

anyhoo, kaheri there,back to dreamland! see you in the next dream! (new outro who dis?)

[moonflower-rose]

I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just wondering. I noticed that you only seem to rec your friends. Also you ignore some of the fics from fests that you participate in when it’s courtesy to read and comment on everything.

This one has been sitting around for ages, possibly since last years Erised. I don’t normally feel the need to justify any of my decisions as a fan, I don’t feel I NEED to this time either but it is actually something I’ve seen pop up over many years and I’ve decided to answer it this one time only. I’ll probably ignore or delete any other asks on the same topic.

So, everyone participating in a fest reading and commenting on everyone else’s work seems like the ideal, right? In reality, some people want to write about things that you as a participant absolutely cannot handle - for me that’s usually MCD, terminal illness, infidelity, domestic violence, severe depression, and lots of other things. That’s what the tags and warnings are for, of course, and I’m using them appropriately. Have I read and enjoyed stories with any/all of those themes before? Yep. That doesn’t change that generally these themes affect me negatively so generally I avoid them. If and when I feel like I can handle them, I might try them out. Only I can know when I might be ready to do that. It might not be during the course of Wireless or Suds or whatever the fest I’m part of is. That doesn’t mean others shouldn’t write that content. It doesn’t mean I should harden up and just read it for the sake of etiquette.

Sometimes I simply cannot handle the size of the fic. I don’t feel the need to describe my whole life, but I work full time, I have family commitments, I need to do regular life things like washing and shopping and cooking and the dishes. Fics under probably 20K feel more manageable, I can read that on my lunch break or maybe before work, but more likely before bed. Longer stuff requires more time (obviously) and I’m not good at putting something down when I start it and pulling an all nighter mid-week is way harder when you’re 40.

Some of my closest fandom friends have big and popular fics that I haven’t got around to reading yet. Some of them have short ones that are heavy on topics that I can’t cope with right now. Not to put words in your mouth, but its unfair to assume the reason for my lack of attention is that I don’t care about them or I’m not appropriately prioritising my fandom time. I’ll get there eventually, or maybe I won’t. My friendships are hopefully strong enough to endure me not reading their stuff and them not reading mine. My friendships are not based on what those people can create for me or how they can promote my work.

As far as reccing goes, I’m a very inconsistent reccer. My goal for 2022 was to do more reccing and I did none. None recs with left beef. I’m not generally trawling for fic (the way I did as a 22 year old approximately one thousand years ago) and so I mainly see fic from authors I have already encountered and loved, via AO3 user subscriptions. My next gateway is via recs from friends (the magnificent @sitp-recs for example). I’ve been very lucky to have had people I deeply admire and enjoy become off-stage pals, but I’m not reccing them on a friendship basis. If I had to guess I would say my most consistent recs are of authors who I have had lovely, delightful interactions with but who I don’t have established friendships with. No stats but I reckon @lqtraintracks @writcraft and @letteredlettered would be people who pretty much always write things that make me lose my fuckin mind but we’re not part of a DM frenzy that involves graphic discussion of our latest health dramas, what we ate for dinner, what shenanigans our pets and siblings have got up to (that’s @shiftylinguini whether she likes it or not). I rec the BABY CHEESES out of them despite this.

What it boils down to is that I will engage the way I feel comfortable engaging, when I feel like it. I definitely have people I avoid (generally those who express terfy sentiments) and people I’m dragged towards like a magnet. It is what it is. I’m sorry if you have been a person who I haven’t engaged with and if you feel badly about that. It’s probably for benign reasons (see above), unless it’s because of one of the bad reasons.

[aceissour]

Since u r ace (and myself tho), DoA, Jouno and Tetchou with an ace s/o pls? I love ur blog btw💜

Thank you so much, love this request. This took longer to write then usually I shot for, as I was ill when it was first requested and didn't want to push myself. that said it was really fun writing and I'm happy how it turned out. Oh and any acephoic shit will be deleted

(some) BSD Boys With an Asexual S/0

Request Boundaries, Characters, & Ships

Warnings:none

Genre:fluff

A/n: As usual some people may find this occ. I assume you meant hc due to the number of characters. That said I'm also going to add in a short sentence(s) with it to celebrate asexual awareness day since it was on the 6th.

Nikolai

•he probably wouldn't care about your asexuality

•he's always preached freedom and being you

•your asexuality is apart of you and you should be free to show it

•always makes sure you can freely express yourself and sexuality

•never let's anyone try and change you

•because once again, man believes in freedom

"don't worry my dear I love you for who are, should be able to live your life freely without worrying about acceptance"

Fyodor

•as we all know this man is smart

•he most likely knows abt asexuality already

•if he doesn't with a simple explanation he'd get it really easily

•he'll be sure to respect your sexuality and never push to do things you don't wish to

•that go for most things

•he most likely doesn't have much time for that stuff anyways due to his field of "work"

"are you comfortable my love?"

Sigma

•to be frank I don't think he, himself is all that interesting in sexual intimacy

•he most likely doesn't know what a sexuality is but when you explain it to him, I'll probably find himself relating and understanding

•he'll go out of his way to make sure you're always comfortable in your relationship

•if anyone bugs you about your sexuality or just in general he'll politely but firmly tell them to leave you be

"this is okay, yes?" "That's good we would want anyone feeling uncomfortable"

Jouno

•Jouno is a soldier, he knows how to be respectful

•on top of that he's also very smart

•like fyodor, if he doesn't already know what asexuality is, he'll understand it with an explanation easily

•always make sure to ask for consent before doing anything in order to make sure you're comfortable

resting his hand on your check he asks "may I?"

Tecchou

•like sigma I feel he is mostly on the asexuality spectrum as well but does realized it

•it takes him a little longer than some of the others to understand it but eventually he gets it and finds himself relating

•tecchou will probably ask alot of questions so be prepared

•overall I feel he'd be very respectful of it and would tell anybody off if they tried to be acephoic

"how did you find out?" "do you still hold hands with people?" "is kissing still allowed?"

[stay-midnight]

hello hello!

. . . 🎙

i mean-pquwbzkwiw its long and all that so understandable 🤧 just delete it or something then-? HAHA- i don't want my asks to be too bothersome y'know so do what u gotta😎💕 (also fr justice for snowswept tails and divine amusement eventually!)

Anyways-Changbin ficc ! ! ! Idk if it's right or not but what I noticed most about the change in writing style is like, its more descriptive? Describing the atmosphere or the background and all that- its nice ! And Changbin is so romantic in it 🤧🤧🤧 Also-soft dom smut is a nice change of pace for suree (cause we all know-) pretty good overall as well!

also also! the college au skz 🤧🤧 THE FACT THAT ALL OF THEM HAS SPECIALTIES LIKE- (i would very much like to be madaldal about perv jisung and just perv skz in general so sorry about that in advance /hj)

ahhh the prisoner seungmin and incubus jeongin random thoughts (i was actually thinking of asking if just random thoughts was okay to send instead of the fic talk-)

hushed sex with prisoner seungmin oml-he'd probably be whispering the nastiest stuff as he shuts you up with his big hand i-certainly a setting that's new for thoughts 👀

the incubus jeongin one i haven't read it but imagining it is-🤐🤐🤐 (if we're specialties now then blindfolds with incubus jeongin for that one-would want you to be so addicted to him that you didn't even need to see him doing the things he'd do-more pleasure to feed on ofc!)

shorter ask than usual-(a miracle honestly-) anyways, that its for nowww 💅💕

good evening anonnie!

boop!

I dont wanna delete it 😭 cuz idk ill keep it in my inbox for awhile— its not bothersome but I just feel bad cuz you put the effort into those asks 😭 (frfr hopefully those fics will turn into full fics someday)

Yes? In a way— trying different styles in writing because of purposes and researching stuff as well cuz yall deserve the best content hmph 😤 I also tried to play with words a bit as an experiment and yeah— I started getting into the more softer side with the new fics idk why(?) did 10 months affect my libido or something-I love romantic changbin sm! And up next, lee know and bin fic! hmmm i have a general idea in mind but not a clear plot point

YES, like college au skz has a hold on me depending on how its delivered but thats just some of my ideas and yours in the specialities! (oh yes, perv jisung is literally 😫🫣 cuz idk Ive fallen for that jisung trope like? newnwnwis)

Yea! Random thoughts are okay cuz they give me burst of ideas driven by thoughts—

Seee? cuz like Prisoner Seungmin is so unexpected like seungmin is on the more tame side of skz fics itll be a nice change of pace but anyway, Seungmin fucking you in the prison bathroom as well? under the cold public showers he would shamelessly fuck you despite other prisoners around in a way its him claiming you his—

Ive hidden that fic deep somewhere cuz like the writing is making me go 😨😬 but it does make me see my improvements atleast BUT LIKE- anyway Incubus Jeongin is having fun with you and messing you up in your dreams as you sweat in blindfolds in your own head- of course, it makes you beg for his touch as he teases you— twirking your nips, thumbing the slit of your cock and lightly brushing against your rim- aghhhhhbwbsuannns

aaAaa its even more a miracle that i answered this that fast- thank you anonnie!

[doriians]

No idea what any of this means, but, may I ask if there's a set plot? Or is it more of like a concept that just exists

THANK YOU FOR DARING TO ASK DESPITE KNOWING NOTHING HAHAH i gen appreciate it :]

there’s a plot!!!! and concepts!!!! and a first draft of a first book!!!!! coded started off as a trilogy that has ,, spiralled into a huge universe of standalone books, side-stories, short collections of stories, and prequels/sequels. the main trilogy is what i wanna finish this year though ! (long post ahead)

it started as a retelling of the dream smp l’manburg war actually 😭 but spiralled into a fantasy world because everything i write does that lol — it’s set in a world where the whole universe is made up of code (think like a binary code!) that a certain group of people can delete, alter, or create to change the world in some way. brei (the antagonist) and their sister ilse (the protagonist of trilogy) are the two surviving members of their family, who were essentially the “leaders” of people capable of manipulating the world code !! they protect, guard, and serve as the royal family’s “shadows” — essentially there to give them power that the royal family themselves don’t have.

HOWEVER, there is a growing resentment about how closely guarded the secrets of coding are. a rebel group of coders and non-coders breaks off from the kingdom, declares they’re sharing this knowledge with anyone who joins them. obviously this seems great, but this kind of power is absolutely, and absolute power in the wrong hands corrupts absolutely.

ilse joins the rebels, eager to prove herself and defy her sibling. brei — just called “the shadow” in most of the trilogy — convinces the royal family to fight against the rebels, creating a full scale independence war.

brei has a complicated relationship with coding, and with ryn, who is the head of the rebel camp wonderfall. they know ryn’s intentions are good but also know that she’s delving into “hacking” rather than “coding” — essentially, she’s touching parts of the code that should never be accessed. brei has done the same thing themselves in their youth, and it ended badly. they’re determined to stop ryn spreading the knowledge of hacking to anyone else, but to do that, they have to play the part of the antagonist against their sister and her new rebel friends.

it’s messy, for brei. they love ilse but have such a complicated relationship with her, especially because she hates them for being a typical terrible older sibling. it’s c!diskduo at their most volatile, essentially — but because i’m a huge sucker for character reconciliation, they eventually part ways civilly.

SORRY FOR RAMBLING !! i know most of this is probably incoherent and messy but ill clarify more later. i’m so proud of this series and love it more than i can explain and its evolved so much since i originally began writing. tysm for asking about it you’re my new favourite person ever now

[maria-akira]

good girls don't get used: michael langdon x fem! reader

—♡—

READ PART 2 HERE

summary: michael langdon, your ex, falls into a bet wherein he has to (fake) date you. if he falls in love again, he loses and doesn't get the prize.

warnings: private school au, fuckboy!michael, slight mention of sexual topics + i didnt proofread this mwahaha

this fic is inspired by the song 'good girls (don't get used)' by beach bunny.

i don't know if other private schools have bells, because mine doesn't :(

italicized bold words are direct lyrics from the song. but in this chapter, there are none since this is like an intro :)

—♡—

"Dude, shut the fuck up."

"Are you kidding? She really said that?"

"You really think that's gonna happen?"

"Who's class do you have first?"

Voices of different students flooded the white and grey hallways of the school. Different friend groups and teachers can be seen roaming the halls, getting stuff from their respective lockers as they waited for the bell to ring.

"Y/N! Do you mind if I borrow your calculator? I forgot mine at home and Math is my next class." She said while panting.

"Sure, here it is. If you lose it, I'd probably drop kick your ass." Y/N let out a small laugh and grabbed the calculator from her locker, giving it to her friend.

"Gosh, Y/N. I'll never lose it! I'll give it back during recess. Thanks again!" She flashed Y/N a smile and waved bye, before returning to her locker.

Y/N looked at herself in the mirror she had on her locker, fixing the tie that always seemed to be out of place whenever she checked. Her hair was neat, complete with a white headband that complimented the color of her school's uniform.

A few seconds later, the bell rang and everybody started rushing. Different couples were seen kissing before they parted ways for the mean time.

Cringe. Y/N thought. She shrugged it off and held her books tightly to her chest, walking to her next class.

Walking straight into the classroom, she noticed a group of guys dart their eyes to her direction as she entered. They gave her weird smirks. In return, she stared back at them while she made her way to her seat and never broke eye contact. Eventually, she noticed a familiar face among the group.

Michael, her ex.

How the fuck is he in my English class? She thought, along with a whole hundred thoughts roaming around her head. Michael stared back at her, giving her a wink.

Y/N's face gave a hint of disgust, "The fuck do you want, Langdon?" She stood up from her seat and walked over to Michael, pushing his other friends. She heard his friends coo and tease Michael for his act towards her.

Michael put up his hands in defense, "Chill, is it bad to wink at a pretty girl like you?" He said with a smug look, while he grazed his hand over her arm.

"Shut the fuck up, Langdon. Don't you ever touch me." Y/N slapped his hand away, his friends taken aback from her actions. As she walked back to her seat, the teacher entered as well.

Y/N put her face in her hands. By now, a million thoughts were in her head. It's been 2 years since Michael and her broke up, and since then, she made a promise to herself that she would never fall in love with men like him. She was so tired of all the tears and sleepless nights that Michael gave her.

She let out a sigh and lifted her head from her hands. The soft light from the windows filled her eyes after the darkness formed by her hands, causing her to rub her eyes to adjust from the light.

The rest of the hour went smoothly for Y/N, after English class was recess, her most favorite time of the day— aside from going home, of course.

She glanced at her watch, 10:28 AM.

2 more minutes, and English will be over. She thought.

She averted her gaze back on the white board full of scribbles about some writing lesson she clearly did not listen to. She looked over to her classmates and friends, Well they aren't listening either. She laughed at the thought.

As soon at the bell rang, everyone started packing up their notebooks, textbooks, and whatever they had on their table. Every student was seen rushing out of every classroom in hopes of being the first ones in line for the cafeteria.

On the way there, Y/N bumped into her friend group. "Hey Y/N! We heard about happened in English class. Michael is really in your class?" A friend of hers mentioned, "Yea, and apparently that son of a bitch winked at me, such a disgusting ass motherfucker. he should keep his fuck boy ass to himself." Y/N spat out, earning a chorus of 'oh's' from her friends.

When they arrived at the cafeteria, the line was painfully long, all of them groaned in frustration and they had no choice but to wait for the line to move. But once it did, it was faster than usual. After Y/N and her friends received their food, they left the cafeteria to eat at their usual place.

The school rooftop.

A few students know that staying in the school rooftop is permitted, which was why Y/N and her friends loved eating there.

When they arrived at the rooftop, they saw the usual people that they always encounter while staying there. The view was beautiful, there was no doubt about it. The small garden in the rooftop gave a beautiful and elegant touch.

Though there were a few chairs and tables, Y/N and her friends always preferred to eat on the floor. So, they laid the linen cloth on the ground and sat on it. Y/N was wearing the skirt uniform, thus she removed her tux and placed it on her legs to prevent her skirt from lifting.

They shared a few giggles while they ate their meals, laughing about some life experiences, or whatever they wanted to talk about.

Y/N loved this. She loved how she and her friends would have little moments like these, it was like an escape from reality.

The rest of the day went smoothly for Y/N. She didn't fall asleep in any of her classes, which in this case was a very big accomplishment for her.

As soon as she arrived home, her little brother, Aaron, rushed towards her. "Y/N!! I missed you!" He chimed, Y/N kneeled down onto his level and gave him the tightest hug. "I missed you too, Aaron!" Her mom came into the room and smiled. Y/N stood up and gave her mom a hug as well.

"How was school?" Her mom asked, Y/N placed her tux on the coat hanger by the door. "It was fine, Mom. Where's Dad?" Y/N walked over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk, "He'll be home soon, he still has a meeting right now." She took a sip of her milk, "Oh, okay. I'll be upstairs doing school work." The glass of milk that was once full, now empty.

She took her things upstairs and plopped herself on the bed. Out of nowhere she felt a vibrating noise from her bag, she rummaged through her bag to find her phone and once she did, a message was see on her lockscreen.

Unknown Sender has sent you a message.

She unlocked her phone and went to her messages.

Unknown Sender: hey ;)

Her eyebrows furrowed. What the fuck?

(Y/N): hi? whos this?

read 2:29 pm

Unknown Sender: oh shit you deleted my number? damn.

"Huh? I don't recall deleting anyone's number..." She went to her recently deleted contacts and it showed nothing.

(Y/N): im sorry, i haven't deleted anyone's number recently, maybe you have the wrong number?

read 2:32 pm

Unknown Sender: im pretty sure you know me, Y/N.

They know my name. And her heart started pounding.

(Y/N): and im pretty sure i dont, so just reveal yourself before i report this number

read 2:35pm

Unknown Sender: ayo chill 😬 its me michael.

"Michael fucking Langdon? You've got to be fucking me right now." She felt rage fill her, slamming her keyboard.

(Y/N): langdon what the fuck do you want? i made it very clear that i dont want you talking to me.

read 2:40 pm

Before Michael could reply, she changed his contact name to 'Motherfucker'

You have changed Unknown Sender's contact name as 'Motherfucker'

Motherfucker: damn you still mad at me after 2 years? gosh (Y/N). whats with the nickname?

(Y/N): of course im still mad, asshole. ill never forget what you fucking did.

read 2:43 pm

Motherfucker: i thought you forgave me 🥺

(Y/N): FORGIVE YOU???? god langdon you're so fucking stupid, i will never forgive you. you didnt even say sorry in the first place!

Pissed off, Y/N blocked his number. "That fucking asshole." She mumbled to herself.

—

"Hey! Y/N!" A familar voice called out from the crowd. Y/N removed one earbud and turned around to find the voice that called her.

Once she saw the shiny blonde locks from that stood out in the crowd, she immediately ran in the opposite direction in hopes of avoiding him.

It was Michael, again.

"Y/N wait!" Michael called out again, chasing her

For some reason, Michael was able to catch her. He pulled Y/N into an empty science laboratory and they were both panting.

"What the fuck do you want this time, Langdon?" Y/N was catching her breath, fanning herself with her hand.

"Okay. First off, sorry for the sudden message. I know I pissed you off and that wasn't my intention at a—"

"What was your intention then?" She cut him off.

Michael panicked.

"Uh, you know? I just wanna talk to you again. Clear the bad air between us.."

Y/N let out a laugh, "Clear the bad air?? Oh gooood Langdon, you are really so stupid! You know what? You just made it worse." She pushed him off and walked out of the room,

"Whatever it is your planning, Langdon, I'm telling to stop it. I don't wanna talk to you or even go near you."

Michael was dumbfounded. She changed so much. He thought to himself.

2 years ago, Y/N was the sweetest, most innocent girl he knew. Playing with her feelings was Michael's biggest regret, and he's starting to feel it again.

Michael was about to leave the room until he felt a buzzing from his pocket, He pulls out his phone to see who was calling him.

Duncan, one of his bestfriends.

Michael answered the call, "Hello?"

"What's the update on your little girl?"

"She still doesn't trust me."

"That's sad man."

"I know. She changed alot. "

"What do you mean by 'changed'?" Duncan emphasized,

"I can't point it out, Dunc."

"Whatever you do, don't chicken out. I promise this bet is worth it."

"Fine, I trust you."

Call Ended.

Michael ran his fingers through his hair in frustration and left the room before the bell rang.

—

It was the last subject of the day. Most students were falling asleep or on their phones.

Y/N was scribbling weird things on the back of her notebook, when suddenly the bell rang. She packed up her stuff and stood up from her seat. Before she could leave the room, she saw a familiar face again.

Michael stood by the doorway of her classroom, the strap of his bag over one shoulder while he looked for Y/N among the other students.

Y/N ignored Michael and walked past him, but he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her towards him.

"Langdon! What the fuck do you want?!" She screamed, all of the students averting their attention to her.

Michael put a finger on his lips, shushing her. "Let's go somewhere private, yea?"

"But—"

Before she could object, Michael dragged her outside towards the parking lot.

"Okay this is actually something serious—"

"CUT THE SHIT LANGDON! IM TIRED OF YOU."

"Woah‐woah! Easy now. I actually need your help, with school..."

Michael rubbed her shoulders, looking straight into her eyes. For once, Y/N believed him. His eyes were speaking the truth.

"Okay, fine. Shoot."

"I can't believe I'm saying this.."

"Don't waste my time, Langdon."

"Fine! I'm failing."

Y/N's mouth hung open. Michael was one of the top students in their batch and this was obviously a huge surprise for her.

"Oh, really? What am I gonna do about that?" She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side.

"Can you please help me? Like, tutor me?" At this point, Michael was desperate.

"Um, no thanks. Just fuck some other girl's pussy for your grades." Y/N pushed him away, but Michael stopped her again.

"I'm serious, Y/N. I really need your help."

"Why me?"

Now that made Michael nervous.

"Because you happen to be the top of our batch right now?"

"Fine! Under one condition."

Michael was curious, "What?"

"If I do this tutor shit, we're doing it at my place. I can't tutor you in your messy ass room." Y/N said. She always remembered how messy Michael's room was when they were together. He would only clean when he was scolded by Y/N.

"That's fine by me."

"Okay then. 5pm, sharp."

She walked away, but Michael pulled her again.

"Let me go! What do you want now?" Y/N said, clearly annoyed.

"Unblock my number, silly." Michael chuckled,

"No."

"How are you supposed to know if I already arrived?"

"Theres a doorbell, dimwit. I'll be downstairs waiting for you."

"Bu—"

"Bye, Michael. I'll see you later." Y/N flashed him a small smile and continued to walk away.

Once he saw Y/N reach the bus stop, he started walking to his car, until someone tapped him on his shoulder.

"Hey Michael, whats the update? I saw you talking to her." It was Duncan. His brown hair was lightly gelled back and the first two buttons of his white dress shirt were undone.

"I'm still trying to win her back, I lied to her that I was failing so she could tutor me. That way, it'll be easier."

Duncan smirked, "That's my boy! When will this tutor thing start?"

"Later, 5pm."

"Hmm, that's good. Remember, if you fall in love again, bet's over."

"I won't."

—♡—

tags mwah: @kitwalker02 @sojournmichael @angelicmichael @deademobitch @iheartfrogs101 @tatestripedsweater @mrs-march-ahs

i hope you guys enjoyed this. i wrote this while doing schoolwork </3