#i love them so much that episode was outrageous and a delight

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Screw everything else inject On1y into my damn veins

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Aug 2024 Week 4

Ongoing Series - Thai

Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) eps 5-6 of 12 - Extreme introvert dealing with a very hot, very drunk, very affectionate extrovert was an excellent experience all around. “I was drunk and talking out of my ass, but I wasn’t lying” maybe one of the world’s greatest confessions. How meta that he’s checking out the book of the story that he’s in. Carry on boys, very enjoyable, very Thai BL.

My Love Mix-Up Th (Fri YT) ep 12 fin - It’s cute. They are all very cute. I do like it when high school BL gives us a coming out sequence. I know it’s old-fashioned, but it’s a trope that goes with this particular setting really well, and I just like it when it’s done nicely. I’m not sure I needed it to totally dominate the final episode of the series. But it was fine.

I gotta say, Fourth is an absolutely outstanding actor. He really did knocked it out of the park in this last episode especially. 

In conclusion:

It was fine and it was charming, but it was also a little lackluster. Thailand managed to take one of Japan's softest cutest most bonkers BLs in recent memory and make it softer and cuter and... dull. They did this by watering it down. JBLs almost always have an edge to them, even the rom-coms, by dulling the edge, MLMU lost a great deal of the sparkle and tension as well. What an office setting managed to mostly maintain in the consummate hands of TayNew felt somewhat lackluster when handed off to the next generation and a high school setting. Cherry Magic was a lovely reinterpretation, Mix Up was an amateur's watercolor rendition of a colorful oil painting. Am I being harsh? G4 tried their best, and Fourth turned in some outrageously good acting in the latter half. But the show? It was fine. If you like water colors and you haven't seen (and loved) Kieta Hatsukoi. 8/10

This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans (Fri iQIYI) ep 8 fin - This was the first hint we got that the lead's relationship was anything more than sexual. And it was utilized for a breakup?! JJ and Wan's friendship is the best thing about this show. PWan selling JJ out to Methas was great. I was modestly delighted by the big fuck off ownership engagement ring. I admire a boy who likes to mark his territory with bling. I actually thought this was a decent final episode. If very rushed. I know, in general this ending was objectively weak, but I grinned the entire time, so I can’t really complain that much.

Final thoughts?

A story about a kid who infiltrates a cooking competition under false pretenses and then has to deal with the consequences when he falls in love with the head chef. The side couple is a poor little rich boy meets physical therapist (morality chain). The core friendships are excellent and the chemistry cannot be faulted across the (charcuterie) board. What this show lacks in substance it makes up for in health code violations. It was all chili all the time. Considering that the plot centered on betrayal but the romantic relationship never sweetened enough to balance that bitterness; one could be forgiven for throwing this one in the compost. But I got over all its weaknesses in flavor balancing for an ultimately satisfying meal, with a great dessert course. I've always loved spicy food. Plus the blooper reels were fantastic. 8/10

Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 2 of 10 - I like the side couple a lot. It’s nice to see that dynamic developed (as it wasn't in the CBL version). Of course, Thailand leans into a secondary couple, but I also like the super popular jock + geeky boy who couldn’t care less. You know what? I’m actually really enjoying this. And yes, I AM biased because it's August. (Wait, that could be taken several different ways this month. But you know what I mean.) Anygay, this is a lot softer than the original, and so Hero is much more of a pining character and less harsh. But I'm still enjoying it. I like the stepbrothers trope (we don’t get it very much from Thailand), and I enjoy the beats and pulses of this particular story. We will see if it derails into inconsequence and lack of conflict the way My Love Mixup did.  

Sunset X Vibes (Sat iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - I’m enjoying this show but it should’ve been just 10 eps. It’s feeling bloated at this juncture. That said, I loved our little GL kiss. Very pretty. I also really like the bit with Sam and Yo flirting with each other. Sam trying to get Yo to call him P'Sam was fucking brilliant. And then slipping in all of those nongs. Delightful. Linguistic negotiation, it's what's for dinner... along with Sam's d**k apparently. I frankly did not think they would take this couple that far. So, thank you very much everybody involved.

Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 4 of 12 - I do enjoy watching Yim freak out and fall in love all over again. The reality is still better for me than the fantasy parts, but it’s all fun enough. The magic mushrooms bit was odd. In fact, there is definitely a core tenor of ODD going on with the show. Which I’m accustomed to from Japan but I’m not really sure about from Thailand. Thus I remain engaged but suspicious of this BL. 

I Saw You in My Dream (Weds Gaga) ep 6 of 12 - Yu wants to take his baby on a trip, gets thwarted by his younger brother. Ouch. I really do think it’s time for Ai to tell Yu what’s going on with his dreams! Drunken boyfriend bolster pillow is a fav trope of mine. As usual, I’m catching second lead syndrome. What? I liked the rich boy badminton player. And then he picked up a guitar. Oh well.

The Trainee (Sun YouTube) ep 8 of 12 - No one cares about the hets. He was jelly? Cute. Also kinda an arse, by hey this is BL. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The On1y One (Taiwan Thurs Gaga) eps 1-2 of 12 - announced in 2023, high school, stepbrothers, and is reputed to be high heat. Based on a novel Mou Mou + the Your Name Engraved Herein team.

ARE YOU READY? I'M GOING TO NOT SO QUIETLY LOSE MY DAMN MIND

This is old-school BL and it’s bloody fantastic. Tsundere seme to beat all tsundere (smartest + tallest + bestest at everything but people) meets socially-ept cutie smart-ass protag.

They living together by end of ep 1 and start kissing by end of ep 2.

There is an Unknown quality to this, and that I love. Also, and ironic to say this while Addicted Heroin Th is airing, but this REALLY reminds me of Addicted. It’s so fucking good. I am all in on this show. Shut up while this eats my life.

Cosmetic Playlover (Japan Tues Gaga) eps 5-6 of 8 - Of course! The POV shift to the seme character at ep 5! How could I forget? Japan loves this beat! AND.... The running of the gays. And a use of a first name! So darling. Also some crazy great communication and conversation that is NOT a hallmark of Japan. Sahashi is so very possessive. I loved the switch that went on in his brain and the mania in his eyes when he thought someone else was interested in Natsume. I continue to love this.

I Hear the Sunspot AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan Weds Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - I’m never going to like Maya. Sorry. And the leads were separated for most of this episodes so it was largely disappointing. I did like the insight into the way T sees the world, and sees the alienation of a disability and what it's dong to his friend. It’s very empathic. He’s such an appealing character in his obtuse bull-headed way.

Seoul Blues (Korea Fri? YouTube) ep 2 of 8 - It’s intriguing, and I'm happy to have anything from Korea on my dash. But, like Blue Boys, I’m not entirely sure if I like it or not.

First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) eps 3-4 of 12 - This may be Taiwan but I’m still in the "no singing" camp. I’m getting a slightly better chemistry feel off the leads in this episode. I’m not sure if they’re keeping it stiff because the younger character is under age or if it’s just that the actors aren’t there yet? (In other words is this a directing choice or a performance issue?)

Takara's Treasure AKA Takara No Vidro (Japan Mon Gaga) ep 8 of 10 - I've finally come down firmly on the fact that it’s the uneven power distribution (in terms of interest and enthusiasm for the relationship) that I dislike about this show. Generally, I like a power dynamic differential, kinky and all that. But this particular dynamic, when it’s the weaker personality that’s so much more into the stronger one? I never like it, unless it engages a serious pivot at some point. (See My Personal Weatherman or Takara & Amagi.)

It's airing but...

Sugar Dog Life (Japan Sun grey) ep 3 of 10 - I was really loving this one but I can't find ep 3 anywhere so I guess I gotta wait it out. I hope I get to see it eventually.

4 Minutes (Sat Gaga) eps 1-6 of 8 - Gaga picked this one up so we can watch it there. If I have time, I'll get caught up and put it into rotation.

In case you missed it

Meet You at the Blossom (China) - I'm eating crow, binging the fucker, and live blogging.

The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer IS COMING IN SEPTEMBER!!!! (Yeah this is gonna sit here until then).

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

Coming Next Month:

The Time of Fever (Korea)

9/1 Live in Love (Thai)

9/3 Happy of the End (Japan)

9/6 Kidnap (Thai)

9/7 The Hidden Moon (Thai)

9/9 Jack & Joker (Thai)

9/14 Love Sick 2024 (Thai)

9/17 Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan)

More deets next week. It's late and I'm tired.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

It was pretty. I am very shallow.

Even more pretty. Petition to have Tenon with his shirt off and hair back in every subsequent Thai BL? Just because.

(SunsetXVibes)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many tags.

[suzannahnatters]

My RINGS OF POWER Season 2 Review

The Rings of Power season 2 has ended and I’m sure many of you have been waiting with bated breath to hear my Opinions. Where to begin?

Going in to season 2, my biggest question was whether the show would preserve the things I loved so much about season 1, without degenerating in artistic quality. Bagging on TROP seemed to have become a cottage industry on the internet, with little understanding of the thoughtful ways that the show adheres to Tolkien’s ethos and aesthetic under the guidance of the Tolkien Estate. With so much bad-faith criticism about, I was sincerely worried that the showrunners would compromise their vision to appease the haters.

I’m thrilled to announce that this didn’t happen. Everything I loved is still very much present in the show – the lovable characters, the deep understanding of Tolkien’s themes and faith, and the thoughtful writing of characters like Galadriel, Sauron, and Adar.

There are two main changes from season 1 in terms of tone. One is the increased amount of violence, with the climactic battle taking up much of the final three episodes. There’s also more darkness this season, as Tolkien’s grand second age tragedy begins to unfold, especially in the Eregion plotline. One of my biggest questions going into the season was how the show would manage to show all this tragedy – tragedy which Tolkien never depicted in this level of detail – without adopting a cynical, grimdark tone which would have been utterly inappropriate for a Tolkien adaptation. I’m absolutely thrilled, and also personally inspired as an author, by how well they managed this: throughout the season, the writers maintain a wonderful balance between darkness and light. Early in the season, we are treated to the bloody, brutal scene in which Sauron’s previous incarnation fell to the knives of his own followers. When, hundreds of years later, he’s managed to rebuild his mortal, Charlie-Vickers form, there’s a beautifully understated sequence in which he is offered – but ultimately fails - a chance at true repentance, and a hope of something better. This pattern, of darkness anchored by light, holds strong throughout the rest of the season. There are some big character deaths in this show, deaths that are sometimes expected and sometimes shocking, but not one of them goes by without rendering a sense of the victim’s dignity.

The second big change is the pacing. I was among those who enjoyed Season 1’s slower pacing, with the exception of some swampiness around episode 5. Season 2 runs into different trouble: it feels rushed throughout, with multiple plots coming to an, at best, perfunctory resolution in the final episode. However, despite some characters getting shortchanged, the show knows to prioritise the people and places that are most important. The Eregion subplot takes pride of place, getting some of the best writing I’ve seen in ages.

Another of my big questions this season was whether the things I didn’t like about season 1 would be perpetuated. It’s no secret that I really hated the idea presented in the previous season of mithril as a sort of panacea, which should be stripped from Moria to stop the Elves from fading.  Would season 2 introduce more ideas foreign to Tolkien and his vision? I’m delighted to say that there was nothing this season that offended me on the same level as the mithril nonsense from last season.

There’s one deviation from Tolkien’s vision that caused a good deal of internet outrage but which I am absolutely thrilled with, and it has to do with the Orcs. This was one of my favourite things from season 1, and I was worried about whether the show would back down from the good work they were doing here. I’m so pleased that it didn’t.

Tolkien made few misjudgements during his career, but the way he wrote the Orcs is one of them. One Medievalists.com article seeks to demonstrate that Tolkien described his Orcs with language that was often used during the Jim Crow era in the US to denigrate Black people. While this is probably something to be aware of, I’m seriously sceptical that Tolkien, an Englishman without internet at the beginning of the 20th century, would have imagined, or even had a way to find out, that his language might be racially insensitive in the American context. In my opinion the racial problem hard-baked into Tolkien’s legendarium is this: that when it came to the Orcs, he had a tendency to equate genetics with ethics, so that to be born an Orc is to be bad by definition. That is something for which we can hold him accountable, and it’s also something which he did have the ability to notice. Towards the end of his life he began attempting to address the problem, but he died before he could get very far. And who knows whether he could have addressed it successfully?

I love that The Rings of Power also recognizes this problem and tries to address it. The Rings of Power does something that even Tolkien didn’t, and treats its Orcs like people. In my favourite season 1 scene, the Orc leader, Adar, challenges Galadriel to consider that the Orcs were created by Iluvatar and share in the Secret Fire – the life principle in Tolkien’s legendarium, analogous to the Holy Spirit of Christianity. I was eager for the show to continue exploring this theme, and I’m beyond delighted with what they did in Season 2. Somehow, The Rings of Power both manages to treat the Orcs like people – people with consciences who love their families and grieve their dead, who are capable of wanting to better themselves, who are vulnerable to fall from grace and become deceived by the Enemy – and to hew close to the events Tolkien outlined and the aesthetic he presented. And this is emblematic of what I love about the show as a whole. It doesn’t just thoroughly respect Tolkien; it also exercises considerable wisdom, judgement, and creativity in taking his legacy and forging ahead with it.

This season the standout actor is local Geelong boy, Charlie Vickers, turning in the performance of a lifetime as Sauron. For years Tolkien fans have imagined what Sauron might have been like in his Annatar era, masquerading as an angel of light to deceive the Elven smith Celebrimbor into forging the Rings of Power to enslave the peoples of Middle Earth. This season’s Eregion subplot is probably the show’s strongest. It’s gloriously written and brilliantly acted. Vickers and Charles Edwards, who plays the kindly Celebrimbor, both deserve all the awards; their story is terrifying, disastrous, infuriating, and impossible to look away from. Sauron is that rarest of fictional villains, someone with noble aims, yet whose cruelty and monumental levels of self-deception put him utterly beyond salvation. Still, although he destroys Celebrimbor both mentally and physically – in a scheme taken straight from a domestic abuser’s playbook – the show still never deprives Celebrimbor entirely of his own agency. It’s beautiful to see, and goes a long way towards maintaining the noblebright tone that a Tolkien adaptation requires.

The Numenor subplot is also one of my favourites this season. Those who’ve read the Silmarillion know that things are about to go from bad to worse in the island kingdom, but the show still remembers to keep its heart, conscience, and hope intact. The emotional core of this subplot this season is the character of Queen Miriel, and I’m a bit feral about her. While Cynthia Addai-Robinson’s Miriel and Lloyd Owen’s Elendil are two of the most charismatic people on the show, whose characters share an unspoken courtly-love-coded yearning, their appeal goes far deeper than this. I love that the two of them are drawn together by the fact that their faith in the Valar is the most important thing to them, something they’re willing to die for. Beyond this, I love that in enlarging Miriel’s character for screen and rendering her more agency in the plot, the writers remain true to their theme of light, rather than power, overcoming darkness. Miriel’s strength isn’t in the loudness of her voice or her abilities in a fight: it’s explicitly her love, her empathy, and her steadfast, persevering faith – qualities that seem all too rare either in male or female characters these days.

Other subplots are also present. Some of our characters wind up in the old Numenorean colony of Pelargir: Isildur, Arondir, and Theo. This was a very brief subplot mostly existing to set up relationships and conflicts for future seasons; it contains some lovely character development for Theo and Isildur, and a beautifully numinous encounter with the Ents. Meanwhile, in the dwarf realm of Khazad-dum, we see King Durin become the first person to fall beneath the sway of the Sauron-tainted Dwarven Rings. While this subplot has its strengths – namely, the depiction of a strong and loving marriage between Prince Durin and Disa – the relationship between the elder and younger Durins bothered me in season 1 and although it’s better here, the resolution is still rushed and weak. The show is trying to depict a father/son relationship that is strained but ultimately loving, but to me the relationship just reads as toxic.

Then there is the Rhun subplot which sees the Stranger and Nori striking out into the unknown to unlock the Stranger’s mysterious powers. Again, I found this one a mixture of good and bad. As it becomes increasingly obvious who the Stranger is meant to be, I became impatient with the show’s depiction of someone very patient and kindly; I wanted the razor-tongued old grump I loved from the books. The Stranger also runs across Tom Bombadil, who becomes his mentor, and again I felt that the characterization was off. Tolkien’s Tom is ditzy and fundamentally apathetic about the fate of the wider world. Rings of Power Tom is a likeable enough character, and he has a terrific monologue on the nature of power and magic that is thoroughly accurate to Tolkien’s themes, but in his concern for the fate of the world, he’s just not Tom. I found this subplot the least interesting one this season, with a resolution that posed a very transparent and unconvincing moral dilemma that seemed too cheap for Tolkien. But hey! at least it gave us the adorable Merimac.

Finally, there are the more free-moving subplots that follow Galadriel, Elrond, Adar, and the Orcs. I’ve already expressed my delight with how the show handles the Orcs. Meanwhile Galadriel continues to be one of my favourite characters in the show: this season faces her with some hard consequences of her deception by Sauron in the first season, particularly in terms of a strained relationship with her friend (and future son-in-law), Elrond, as well as her king, Gil-Galad. There are many things to appreciate in this subplot. I’m particularly loving Elrond’s character: as my chum Christina commented, in every interview Robert Aramayo looks like someone who would rob you in a chip shop, and then onscreen he magically transforms into Sir Galahad. And there are not a whole lot of Sir Galahad characters in media today: Elrond is a rare character who allies impeccable gentleness, kindness, and goodness with a will and a conscience of adamant. His friendship with Galadriel has always been warm and sweet, but it gains new depth now that they’re at odds and we see his inflexible moral core. It’s a wonderful character dynamic, and it’s unusual to see a male and female character having conflict that is loving yet not at all romantic. Similarly, it’s unusual and refreshing, in a narrative in which two men hold a woman accountable for being deceived by a cute villain, that the show never makes it feel like some kind of feminine weakness.

In retrospect, the single unifying theme of the season is this: that evil cannot be resisted by power, but only by “light” – which is embodied throughout the season as the three theological virtues of faith, hope, and love. The Rings of Power remains the most overtly Christian work of media I have seen in western media for a popular audience in many years – while remaining artistically subtle and theologically sound. As such, it continues to be an absolute delight to me.

I’m so thrilled to see The Rings of Power holding strong to its best features, improving on its weaknesses, and gradually beginning to win some respect. No doubt it will be another long wait until season 3 releases, but with the sophomore season cementing all the things I loved about the first season, I now finally feel sure that the story is in good hands. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

[randommusingsstuff]

Devi, Ben, and the Power of Happy Endings

Never Have I Ever is about to go down in the history books as one of the most thematically rich coming of age stories produced in the streaming era.

While the thought of parting from my beloved, Devi Vishwakumar, makes me want to curl into a fetal position, I’ve been struck with the sudden inspiration to document my predictions. Every wild, outrageous opinion.

Maybe this post will be nothing more than fodder for your morning coffee Tumblr scroll, but my hope is that it will convey a sense of optimism. Not only do I think that Never Have I Ever will have an explicitly romantic ending for Ben and Devi, I think that it fundamentally has to. But we still have a long journey ahead.

1. Devi: T-minus 5 Seconds to Heartbreak

This is Devi Vishwakumar, walking into school for her first day of senior year, smiling like the lovestruck nerd that she is, having finally figured out that she wants to be with Ben. 

I mean, just look at her gloat! This is the gloat of someone who is ready to join forces with her soulmate so they can terrorize the school with their combined obnoxiousness! 

Only to walk in and see this:

Oh Ben... To quote the great Logan Echolls, “no one writes songs about the ones that come easy”.

2. To boink, or not to boink?

I’m not convinced that Ben and Devi had sex.

Now, hold on-

Let me first caveat and say that Never Have I Ever always manages to surprise me. While I can pick out the broad narrative strokes and character arcs they are aiming for, they manage to awe and delight me with the details.

I think that following through on the “one free boink” scene is the more interesting route, but it also makes the writers’ jobs much, much harder.

I cannot fathom Ben and Devi having sex and then Ben immediately rebounding to Margot. That level of womanizing would make Paxton Hall-Yoshida tremble in his tiny swim shorts. In order to keep the audience on Ben’s side, the writers would have to spend a considerable amount of time unpacking his trauma and explaining his perspective. It’s not impossible, but I’m dubious.

The show never rewards Devi for making a decision based on her own insecurities. She wants to have sex with Ben, but her catalyst for getting there is the sext Fabiola accidently sends to her instead of Addison (i.e Devi is insecure about being the only virgin in her friend group left).

Maitreyi confirmed that season 4 would pick up immediately where season 3 left off. Do I think we’re getting play-by-play? An under-the-cover post boink scene? Them starting to make-out then something happening? I’m betting on the latter.

3. The Ben Problem

Picture this:

Mid make-out, Devi casually lets slip that she is staying at Sherman Oaks for senior year. Suddenly, sex with the love of his life is an actual relationship that he has to contend with. All the trauma and pain from season 2 comes flooding back. And it’s important to remember that Ben was deeply traumatized from the events of season 2.

His actual brain catches up with his er… primal instincts, and they agree to see where things go. It's just vague enough that Devi thinks they’re going to be together, but Ben is scared. Scared of being more in love with her than he already is and scared of being hurt again. He goes with the safer option of neglecting his feelings, because his arc of vulnerability has yet to be fully actualized.

This manages to set up the same conflict and angst between Ben and Devi and give Ben a starting point to make amends without having him abandon Devi right after she has sex for the first time.

It’s a much more palatable fallout for the “one free boink scene”, but I digress.

4. Never Have I Ever... Been a Wallflower

We catch up with Paxton in episode 3, narrated by Gigi Hadid, and he’s kind of shy?

He has always used his popularity as a crutch and now has to grapple with his new identity. Much like Devi and Ben, Paxton’s insecurities are an ongoing battle, as he realizes that his choice to go to college was partially defined by his desire to escape the “dumb jock” label. Tucked away in his dorm room, watching life pass him by, he realizes that he doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone else. He can pursue his athletic aspirations and still defy the labels that people have placed on him. By the end of the episode, Paxton makes the decision to come back to Sherman Oaks as a swim coach assistant.

I’ll admit, I think it’s a strange choice to reignite Devi and Paxton’s romance by making him a faculty member at the school. The writers might as well hold up a big red sign that says, “The only reason we can think of for Devi and Paxton to interact is if they are stuck in high school together”. 

But I want to make one thing clear: I do not think this undoes his arc from season 3. To realize that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you have to is a very natural extension of gaining personal liberty.

And I, for one, am proud of him.

Also, I’m getting season 2 vibes from this scene.

Devi and Paxton fans can probably expect callbacks, sweet moments, a kiss, and an emphasis on how important they have been to each other's personal growth.

5. Where are Ben and Devi?

Hidden behind a Michael Cimino-sized red herring. They are going to give us as little as they possibly can about Ben and Devi during promo season. The same way they have in *checks notes* every single season prior.

I’ve written about this before, but it is integral to their individual arcs that they are honest about their love for each other. It is the bedrock of the story. But between Michael Cimino’s washboard abs and closing out Paxton and Devi’s arc in a way that feels satisfying and emotionally resonant, I don’t think we’ll be seeing Ben and Devi’s domestic bliss phase.

Put another way: The love triangle and push-and-pull romance is not a side story, it’s a source of narrative conflict that’s integral to the plot. Would you resolve the final battle in a fantasy series three episodes before the finale? Resolving the Ben and Devi plot early would be like sucking all of the tension out of the story. It would not give us the euphoric high of Ben and Devi blurting out that they love each other at the eleventh hour after trying to suppress their feelings. The show has always saved these big moments for finales, and this season will be no different.

But for anyone worried that Ben and Devi will be fighting the entire season, I think we’re in for our most Benvi-centric season yet, filled with great moments and their trademark banter.

They go to New York to visit colleges. Neither of them admits it, but they are relieved to know that they will remain constants in each others’ lives. 

They study for finals together while bantering, skirting around the topic of prom, and just generally being the only two idiots who don’t know they are in love. *Buries self under 10 pounds of cement*

This time, Ben asks her to dance. The angst, unspoken feelings and tension are palpable.

They fight over valedictorian and it’s practically foreplay. Devi wins, and Ben is proud of her, underscoring his growth and ability to put aside his competitive nature to be supportive.

And that is just a fraction of what’s in store for our obnoxious, loveable nerds.

6. 🎶 It's the circle of life 🎶

“Hey, gods. It's Devi Vishwakumar, your favorite Hindu girl in the San Fernando Valley. What's a-poppin'? It's the first day of school, and I thought we should have a check in. I think we can all agree that last year sucked for a number of reasons. So I thought of a few ways you guys can make it up to me.”

“One: I'd like to be invited to a party with alcohol and hard drugs. I'm not gonna do them. I'd just like the opportunity to say: ‘No cocaine for me, thanks. I'm good.’”

John Mcenroe Voice: Devi, you seem a little drunk.

“Two: I'd love for my arm hair to thin out. I know it's an Indian thing, but my forearms look like the frigging floor of a barber shop.”

The mehndi on her hands symbolizes her love for her family and heritage. Juxtaposed with her western clothes, it signifies her acceptance of her intersectionality.

“And lastly, most importantly, I'd really, really like a boyfriend, but not some nerd from one of AP classes.”

The picture that I want to get my hands on is currently stashed away in Netflix’s top-secret headquarters, but I’ll settle for this one of Ben’s adorable, dopey smile.

7. The Finale: Why Devi and Ben Must Have an Unambiguously Happy Ending

For the longest time, I believed that Never Have I Ever would go the way of its spiritual successor Crazy-Ex Girlfriend and give Devi the “I choose myself” ending” with hints of her ending up with Ben in the future.

It was only when watching the season 3 finale that I realized how wrong I was. In fact, I was so fundamentally wrong that I overlooked the obvious: Never Have I Ever has never done anything halfway. The writers of Never Have I Ever know something about the audience that we often fail to recognize ourselves, which is that we desperately want a happy ending.

Season one could have ended with Devi’s heartfelt goodbye to her father and reconciliation with her mother. What do we get instead? A sweeping, romantic shot of Malibu while Devi and Ben share their first kiss.

In the season 2 finale, Devi proclaims that she will not settle for “some weird secret thing behind closed doors” and that she wants to be “someone's public girlfriend.” And what does she get? Exactly what she wants.

But it’s only in season 3 when this pattern becomes apparent. The season could have easily ended with her deciding to stay at Sherman Oaks. We had already said our farewell to Paxton, and gotten this chemistry-choked, almost-love-confession between our favourite dorks:

And we think that maybe, just maybe, the season will end with Devi single and ready for her senior year. But the show says “subtlety be damned”. It demands a triumphant ending, with Devi showing up at Ben’s door, leading to what will certainly be one of the most intimate moments in the entire show.

Tonally, the story makes bold choices, and the reaction from fans is always electric. In a world of being told “no” and being conditioned to temper our expectations, Never Have I Ever is like a warm hug reminding us that even the most broken people can heal and find love.

And this brings us back to “the Ben problem”, the idea is that he must overcome his fear and confess his love to Devi. And Devi, in turn, must love herself before being able to embrace her narrative mirror.

On a show that prides itself on big endings, escapism, and romance it seems unfathomable, and almost cruel, for Devi and Ben to be in love and not be together.

The writers do not want people finishing the show, shrugging, and saying “that was a realistic ending.” They want us to watch the finale with grins too big for our faces, our hearts bursting with excitement. They want us to know that all of Ben and Devi’s suffering over the past four seasons meant something, that when Devi finally makes the right decisions, she “will find someone who loves her exactly as she is.”

Love, unvarnished and without fear. That is the true narrative promise of Never Have I Ever.

[juniperhoot]

WOHOO! WHERE TO BEGIN?! I LOVE THIS EPISODE!

Let’s start with Gao Yang’s fabulous pretty prince(ss) aesthetic and amazing performance! He owned the stage and showed so much personality and charm, I was just blown away.

And then sweet Liang Pengjie comes out and delivers that wonderful, energetic, thrilling performance. Every one of his 兄弟们 was radiating their pride and joy at him throughout that song, and made me incredibly emotional. 加油，朋朋！And seeing them all crying at the end, especially Fang Shujian, was so touching!

Of course, seeing the outrageous success of darling Lars Huang Zihongfan (who currently has over 8 million fans on Weibo!) is a delight. He was a dang FETUS on 声入人心, for crying out loud. And now he’s a star. Watching his ascent is thrilling. (Unfortunately, the audio appears to be deliberately distorted during his performance above. Whyyy? Hopefully they’ll post the clip by itself on YouTube, but they did post on Weibo… https://h5.video.weibo.com/show/1034:5111819124277305 )

Frank Ju Hongchuan is one of my favorites for a lot of reasons. His voice is a grounding note that ties the others together and provides a solid foundation for beautiful music. He writes great songs, and can arrange the heck out of a song for an ensemble. But honestly? He just seems so sincere, and like a good friend to the brothers (including Dalong, whose absence is felt every week, but who is always remembered fondly on Frank’s Weibo!). He supports them all in their endeavors, posting about their projects and celebrating their successes. He cries openly out of sheer, unbridled affection, and I’ve gotta say, that’s a beautiful thing.

The presentation of 风声 is something I hoped would happen from the beginning, so I’m so excited to finally get to see what they’ve been working on! Seeing the shadow puppets come into play was so dang satisfying! And hearing all the random snippets of music played at the mystery house, coming to life in this staging? Aaaahhh! I’m a wreck! Every one of them is killing it and all of this is making me want to fly around the world to see this show when it’s produced.

And the rehearsal outtakes of Qi Yu and Liang Pengjie! 😂 Lovable goofballs!

Seeing the four babies come together to revisit one of their wonderful performances from 声入人心 absolutely broke me. I was a weepy mess.

They followed that with a high energy performance from two of the opera bros, Hong Zhiguang and Ma Jia, which I needed to pull myself together after getting so emotional over the boys.

And then… right back to making me cry, with Frank and Gao Yang singing one of my favorite songs, 《大船》. Dear lord, it’s so beautiful. Their voices are so good together. And Ayanga looked as emotional as I was during this song. (Possibly for the same reason…) GAAAAAHHHHH. I am still so worked up over this performance! This arrangement!

We end with a pair of group songs, including the inevitable Auld Lang Syne. A beautiful weep fest. A wonderful episode. I will be rewatching this one repeatedly. And crying. 😭

[draco-somnians]

There is so much about the show that is absolutely GLORIOUS

Good stuff:

Crowley before The Fall 🥹 He's so sweet and good and proud of his work. And I totally get his outrage that they've spent so long building this beautiful universe only to shut it all down in 6000 years.

Nina/Maggie - I loved them! I also need a "Give Me Coffee Or Give Me Death" coffee mug please.

The Wee Morag/Ressurectionists story - Aziraphale's struggle with the ethics of what they're doing, Crowley's terrible scottish accent (honestly, how does a Scot purposely make it sound so bad 😆), Crowley loopy on laudanum.

Gabriel/Jim was just hilarious in general. Organising books alphabetically by the first letter of the first word. 😆

I kept thinking I should hate this character for what he did but he's so vulnerable. I did very much enjoy Crowley's confrontation with him

"You told my only friend to shut his mouth and die"

Crowley is pissed off and good at holding a grudge!

Apparently when Crowley and Aziraphale perform a "little half miracle" together, without even trying, they are more powerful than Gabriel. I genuinely thought it was going to turn out that Gabriel had performed a miracle at the same time to hide himself, but no, it was just them. IMAGINE the potential power if they set their mind to it.

All of the "they are so married" moments. The apology dance! 😂 "Our car" and Aziraphale driving the Bentley!!

The Jane Austen Ball. Oh Aziraphale, you are the cutest. 😍 It was for Nina and Maggie but the absolute DELIGHT on his face when he got Crowley to dance with him. ❤️ Also, Crowley's confusion over Jane Austen being one of theirs. 😆

The Easter eggs. So many and I'm sure I missed loads - Terry Pratchett book, "It was a nice day", the Dr Who annual, the fez in the magic shop...

The dozens of fire extinguishers in the bookshop! 🥺

I'm still trying to digest the last episode. I was honestly expecting a happy ending and instead I felt like I'd been punched in the heart. 💔

The way Aziraphale grabbed Crowley's arm during the Gabriel/Beelzebub reveal. 🥺

Crowley choking up trying to TELL Aziraphale. 😭

And then the pain for both of them at the end. No nightingales. 😭

I don't trust Metatron one bit. He's coming across (to Aziraphale at least) as forgiving and as if he genuinely thinks Aziraphale is needed but I don't believe it. Aziraphale is going to end up a scapegoat when it all goes wrong. 🙁

What a set up for season 3! 🤞😇👿

[quillyfied]

Things I’m noticing on this rewatch, which I’m hoping to take slow and ponder on but we will see how it goes, PART FIVE (obviously major Good Omens season 2 spoilers throughout, specifically for S2E5)

- Okay. Shax’s belt buckle certainly looks very snakelike, but her mannerisms are almost more lizard like to me? Very abrupt jerky movements. Straight lines.

- Okay but this whole discussion with Furfur is both hilarious and makes me wonder about the actual climate of heaven and hell post-Apocanope. Bc the idea that the actual legions of hell and hosts of heaven aren’t actually interested in fighting…yeah, seems supported by the text, actually.

- “Can I watch?” Always

- Alright the immediate way that Aziraphale is prepared to give away rare parts of his collection in order to get everyone there…unsettling? Surprising? Another drop in the bucket of suspense??

- Alright but the fact that he’s actually bothered by it is making me feel Some Kind of Way actually. Something something appears that he’s lost interest or is prepared to sacrifice his material comforts for The Greater Good, in actuality is doing his duty as a protector and guardian even if it hurts him. Don’t mind me, just need to lie down on the floor for a moment.

- Shax’s continued troubles with securing her demon army also continues to make me wonder what Beelzebub themself is playing at. If even Satan himself can’t command 10,000 killer demons into being, and would have to settle for about 70 creepy and unease-radiating layabouts…wtf??

- Unless Furfur is messing with her. For not backing him up in 1941. Entirely possible.

- FEZ. EVEN I KNOW THATS A DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE.

- Also Crowley’s goofing around with the crystal ball. Just want to bask in pure delightful silliness for a moment.

- Alright, back to Shax, who has a whole leather battle outfit? Certainly scary but all I can think is “did it take her an hour to squeeze into it?”

- Eric! Beloved Eric! And the manifold unfortunate ways his superiors dispose of him. Feels familiar and comfy, actually.

- Shax not knowing what she’s doing and being bad at winging it, Example 664

- Aziraphale persisting in French despite Justine really getting fed up with it: second clue that Aziraphale is putting this “night to remember” under more pressure than initially anticipated.

- Eric clarifying that they don’t really want to be fighting angels: lending more credence to my theory that The Big One/the Second Coming is going to fall apart due to out of touch management tbh

- I have deep curiosity about what the Christmas lights debacle is all about

- Nina! DRAG HIM.

- THE SHEER OUTRAGE OF AZIRAPHALE BEING CROWLEY’S BIT ON THE SIDE.

- Other people’s love lives always seem so much more straightforward than our own. Coupled with melancholy romantic music. And a frankly heartbreaking expression on Nina’s face. I’m so sad for her. I’m equally sad for Crowley tbh.

- Lots of use of lightning this season. Noticing that Shax’s is dual blue and red…have to go back and see what color Crowley’s is.

- Shax’s shoulder pads remind me of a dragon or a lizard too tbh

- Something too about the opening that I can’t seem to articulate clearly but strikes me: when the bridge between the two planets breaks apart after Crowley and Aziraphale’s little dance back and forth (still on the wrong sides btw), the bridge reforms after a few seconds, but sideways. And one of the bridge halves is an entirely different bridge. Foreshadowing?

- This episode’s theater feature: The Ball, by Jane Austen. With the onscreen picture being, I believe, a couple of the demons?

- Can I just say—adore the pretty rose in Crowley’s shot. Also paused at the exact right moment to catch Aziraphale’s amused and fond expression while Crowley tries to express a real concern. Love that he cares, wish he would listen.

- The complexities of being in a toxic relationship. Even knowing you’re well shot of them, the ways they break you down don’t really leave. Nina is a mirror for Aziraphale.

- I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I do truly think that Crowley spilling the beans here will have consequences in the future.

- Crowley’s rage and hurt tho. Thank you for that, David Tennant, we have been blessed beyond measure.

- Shoutout to the person in the notes of my post about the second episode who said the little hissing chime happens whenever Crowley takes off his shades in an important moment, bc I caught it this time!

- The way Jim is so childlike in his un-Gabriel state makes me wonder if angels in their natural state are just Like That—joyful, trusting, full of genuine love and care. We see it in angel Crowley, we see it in early days Aziraphale, we see it in Jim, we see it in Muriel. Which makes the Fall feel all the more harrowing in concept. If any of the angels who Fell truly understood WHY they fell, just that they were loathsome in some way and deserved what they got.

- Crowley pulling back from causing actual harm because despite his very good and logical reasonings for not wanting Gabriel there…he’s still himself. Gabriel in his right mind would be one thing. This is Jim. He’s something else entirely right now.

- The understanding of the empty house metaphor though. Breaking my heart here.

- “Where is your memory, then?” Brings to mind immediately another John Finnemore quote: “you see, that’s a very stupid question that you just happen to have gotten lucky with.” And THE MATCHBOX! Aha! The plot continues to thicken!

- OH. I missed that the “institutional problem” line was something Crowley got to hear first before going to heaven was even on the table.

- I’m sorry Jim’s adorable little nod, GET THE MAN SOME HOT CHOCCY THEN

- Okay okay—the way Michael instantly dismisses Muriel’s assessment that Crowley fed them about love and humans being weird—brings to mind the meta I cannot find now of angels post-fall just. Not asking questions. Not questioning anything at all. Even taking credit for knowing things that are blatantly incorrect. They are just as broken as the demons tbh.

- I wonder at Michael’s slow glance to the side at Uriel’s insistence on labeling Aziraphale a traitor every time. Michael not liking Uriel stepping on their toes as acting supreme archangel?

- Muriel’s subtle little eyeliner. Love it.

- Also how they know a super powerful miracle occurred at the bookshop, how everyone seems to know or suspect that’s where Gabriel is, and YET. Jimbriel hides in plain sight anyway. Because a miracle that powerful is affecting even the archangels. Also interesting to note that they know a miracle occurred but they don’t know why. I know this is known but somehow I’m just now connecting the dots fully. They can track miraculous power. They can’t know the reason until the angel who did the miracle reports. What an elegant loophole to exploit for thousands of years.

- Nobody would believe you anyway XD

- WAIT AND SEE. I cannot believe Neil wrote that in after tormenting tumblr with it for months. I have such irreversible fondness for that phrase now.

- The soundtrack being so pretty ;A;

- Also, I know it’s actually not great the way Aziraphale’s ball moves forward in stealing away free will to a degree, but moment of quiet glee for how he gussies up everyone entering the shop, too

- MRS SANDWICH. I will be committing it to memory.

- “Everything else was taken” Nina what does that MEAN

- Okay the creepy fog and Crowley’s insistence that something is wrong—we are starting on the topsy turvy carousel of the night! Stuff is getting Weird!!

- Shoutout to the magic shop owner’s spouse! A lovely color on them indeed!

- How is it that Justine is reduced to stereotypical Frenchwoman? Aziraphale. Good grief.

- Also, Aziraphale: why is Gabriel dressed like Elton John?

- Aziraphale. Aziraphale you are sounding like the guy in Sense and Sensibility who keeps trying to push the Dashwoods into dancing and enjoying themselves when they’re emotionally distraught.

- Interesting how Maggie doesn’t notice the demons at all. Or Crowley shouting at them from across the street.

- Wondering how in touch Crowley is with hell to know that these are low ranking demons and if Shax is fully aware that Furfur likely screwed her over big time.

- The warm reddish interior at odds with the eerie greenish exterior. Love that framing.

- Mrs. Sandwich finding the best and most erotic way of getting around the language block Aziraphale has put in place now (SERIOUSLY, ANGEL), deffo a highlight of the second season for me. What a delightful little scene. With horrific implications re:Aziraphale’s unwillingness to break his own fantasy of helping to realize the actual danger he’s put them all in until it’s too late.

- Tiny miracle chime when Nina grabs Maggie’s hand

- Nina and Maggie not being entirely taken in by the atmosphere Aziraphale set. Intentional? Incidental?

- I can’t hear that wet slapping noise without thinking about Monty Python.

- Aziraphale and Crowley? Failing to communicate whilst danger draws near? NAAAHHH

- (I remember reading someone’s very innocent “I hope they dance this season!” pre-s2 prediction and having the reaction of “nice thought but there’s no way. Save it for fandom.” AND HERE I AM. WITH THE EGG ON MY FACE. FRIED BY THE WATTAGE OF MICHAEL SHEEN’S SMILE.)

- Okay but the way Crowley lets himself be led out though too

- SHAX TOOK THE ELEVATOR WHILE EVERYONE ELSE TOOK THE STAIRS. I DID NOT CATCH THAT AT FIRST EITHER.

- “I’m not afraid of hard work.” MAGGIE. DELIGHTFUL PRETTY EARNEST MAGGIE.

- “I think you’re overestimating how much trouble we’re actually in.” NOPE.

- Aziraphale, in trying to help solve the tangle he’s in, has just created the perfect storm of harm for all involved. France in a frilly frock coat all over again. Only worse.

- Jim being willing to go tho TT_TT

- “You came to me. I said I would protect you. And I will.” HES. A. GUARDIAN. I. AM. CRYING.

- The fact that Shax sends Jimbriel back inside instead of trying to rip him apart is so funny. As is her attempt to spell toast XD apologies. Toste. (Throwback to Hastur and Ligur joking about toasting Crowley. Such fond memories.)

- Crowley throwing around rules he’s made up: the exact thing he would do and I’ve been deeply hoping he would do one day

- “I won’t leave you on your own.” “I know” WEEPING

- I was going to make a comment about the freaked out faces of Crowley and Aziraphale as Mr. Brown is quite possibly eaten or maimed, but I just found out one of the demons is named Skittles and I have to be joyful about that first.

- The miracles not working on Nina and Maggie!! WHY??

- “We aren’t leaving you on your own.” Maggie is brave and cares about her friends. Maggie is a mirror for Crowley.

- “But rescuing me makes him so happy” CANON. DECLARED. TEXT AND NOT JUST SUBTEXT.

- Crowley going James Bond with Muriel. ADORING IT

- The convo about tricking?? And then CROWLEY being the one to order the doors closed?? PARALLELS.

Okay. One episode left. Not many brain cells remaining. Time to grab a snack and buckle in, bc it’s about time to watch my heart get ripped out a second time.

[filmperidot]

High School TV Show Top Picks

Shows set in high school can be delightfully funny and bittersweet, or horribly embarrassing failures. Nowadays (it seems more often than not) your classically fun ‘teen show’ is a rare find. In a sea of shitty, and bizarre shows (looking at you Riverdale), there are still some good ones out there. As someone currently in highschool, I’d like to share a little guide to some of my top picks.

Before we get started, I also want to note that I think there’s a pretty big difference between shows that happen to be set in highschool/feature teens, and shows where their highschool experience is a large part of the plot. Coming of age is really a blanket term that can take a lot of different forms! For this post, I’m going to give my top picks for coming of age shows that are actually dedicated to the high school experience. While I love coming of age shows such as Stranger Things, and intense dramas like Euphoria, the main focus of those shows isn’t actually the fact that they’re in highschool. So this list is going to largely feature slightly more grounded comedies and dramas.

Derry Girls (2018-2022, 3 Seasons, TV-MA)- Derry Girls follows a teenage friend group in Ireland during The Troubles. It’s honestly one of the funniest teen shows I’ve ever seen. Each of the characters are nothing short of delightful, and their families are just as fun. To this day, it’s shocking to me that the cast are in their 20s and 30s- they truly nailed what it is to be a teenager. At only 19, 25-minute long episodes, it’s a pretty quick watch for a TV Show, but an endless source of serotonin. It’s extremely enjoyable for any age.

Sex Education (2019-, 3 Seasons, TV-MA)- Sex Education follows Otis, an awkward teenager who’s mother is a sex therapist, and his friends he attends school with. This show is a similar delight. It’s laugh out loud humor is well balanced with true poignancy, and it’s actually quite educational. Give this a watch if you feel like your high school health classes failed you!

Heartstopper (2022-, 1 Season, TV-14)- Heartstopper is a romance between two teenage boys set in England. This one was mostly included because of its overall sweetness. Its incredibly heartwarming, and quite refreshing to see such authentically kind and honest characters in a teen show centered around romance. This show is perfect for you if you enjoy teen romances, but are tired of seeing them portrayed as overly edgy, dramatic, or heavily sexualized.

Freaks and Geeks (1999, 1 Season, TV-14)- Freaks and Geeks tells the story of two groups of friends in the late nineties. Sadly, this show was cancelled before it could get a second season, which I consider a true tragedy. It’s funny, authentic, the characters are great, and the storylines are still as relatable and relevant today as they were when this show first aired.

I Am Not Okay With This (2020, 1 Season, TV-MA)- This show is about a character named Sydney, who’s dealing with highschool, family drama, romance, and superpowers on top of that. I Am Not Okay With This is really the outlier of this group of shows, since it does have a supernatural element. But I decided to include it here anyways because (as I stated previously) the actual highschool experience is still relevant and very relatable. Sadly, this is another show that was canceled after only one season. Now, I’m typically doubtful of most shows that have gotten canceled by Netflix. I watched a few of the ones that have received outrage for being canceled, and let’s just say I wasn’t impressed, which has made me a bit of a skeptic. But I can say, wholeheartedly, that the outrage was deserved for this one. The humor is fantastic, the actors perfectly embody their characters, and much like the rest of this list, the comedy is well balanced with deeper themes.

Please give these shows a try if you haven’t seen them! I’ll probably be making a post for my favorite broader coming of age shows, or maybe one for coming of age movies?

[culttvblog]

Ann Way Season: Lollipop Loves Mr Mole - Lollipop and the Two Bares

In case the title of this post seems somewhat confusing, I have double checked and it is actually the title of the series and episode I'm writing about!

Yet another show which has never appeared on this blog before, and if I'd heard of it I probably wouldn't have run to see it because Lollipop Loves Mr Mole was a sitcom. It was shown across two series in 1971 - 2, and only two of its thirteen episodes have survived. The premise is that it is about a mismatched couple Maggie Robinson (known as Lollipop and played by the legendary and much loved actress Peggy Mount) and her husband Reg (known as Mr Mole, and played by Hugh Lloyd). As far as I can tell much of the episodes revolved around family members staying.

In this one they get rid of one set of relatives who have been staying and another couple arrive. The relatives who arrive turn out to be vegetarian and nudists. To my delight this immediately leads straight into a very classical plot of people running around naked (because they persuade Reg to join in) and other people being shocked. I can't really give the plot justice with this description, but it is genuinely a great plot, and strangely reminds me very much of Joe Orton's What The Butler Saw.

Ann Way's role is limited to being the neighbour who is outraged at the number of nude people in the garden, and she articulates the outrage wonderfully.

For readers in countries with better weather than we have on a windswept island in the channel, the 'nudie screen' that the nudists put round themselves in the garden is actually what is known as a windbreak. I haven't seen one for years, but at one time you would take these screens to the seaside and set them up on the beach so that you could catch the sun and the windbreak would protect you from the wind.

It is entirely possible that our Peggy Mount may be getting a series of posts from me about her TV output at some time. She escaped an unhappy childhood by acting, ultimately breaking contact with her birth family completely. I love the story that her first role on the stage was obtained purely because they couldn't find anyone else willing to play the role, and on her very first night as a completely unknown actress she received a standing ovation. Her TV output doesn't represent her real work as an actress very well, because she was a serious actress who had a repertoire well beyond the rather light comedies she used to do on TV. Also her own personality was very different from the battle axes she tended to play on TV. I would particularly recommend George and the Dragon in case you haven't seen her work, but she appeared in such far-ranging shows as Dr Who and The Tomorrow People.

There is a podcast called The Peggy Mount Calamity Hour about TV and popular culture which measures everything by its proximity to Peggy Mount which I cannot recommend highly enough for its completely foul mouthed approach to everything.

This show has been commercially released but only two episodes survive and as far as I can tell this is the only one available online.

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Archives from 2013 to September 2023 may be found at culttvblog.blogspot.com and there is an index to the tags used on the Tumblr version at https://www.tumblr.com/culttvblog/729194158177370112/this-blog

[readyplayerhobi]

Flower | Drabble 4

; Word Count: 1.3k

; A/N: Just a random drabble I thought up, aimless fluff to give you guys a glimpse into the Flower couple a few years down the line 😀

-

"How does someone that hot end up working in IT?" Clarissa asked, her voice a mixture of incredulity and wistfulness. There's a snort of laughter from next to her as Jihyo giggles whilst Chaeyoung tuts her disapproval.

"Don't be mean, there's plenty of hot guys who work in IT. Besides, it's not like management is swimming in Calvin Klein models." She says, fingers tapping away at her keyboard.

"Err, yeah, but that's definitely model worthy."

"Okay, okay, before Chaeyoung explodes with indignation about you eyeing up our head of IT...you should know that he's married. So...please don't try anything." Jihyo laughs as Clarissa makes a sound of outrage.

"That was one time and it was a mistake, I wasn't gonna do anything. I don't need the reputation of being a homewrecker!" 

"Good, because from the photos I've seen on his desk...they have a good relationship. From what I've found out, they've been together for a while and married a few years or something. She's pretty." It's a good job that Hoseok is underneath a desk so that no one can see his smile at their words. 

He's used to hearing that people find him attractive, used to the looks and the desire that lit in people's eyes. Many years ago, he used to thrive on it.

Now, it's just nice to hear but it isn't necessary.

There's only one woman who he cares about finding him attractive, and thankfully he's already married to you. It's unusual for him to hear someone calling you pretty in his workplace, though, and he feels dual pride and happiness bubbling up inside of him.

-

There's the quiet sound of the television playing as Hoseok enters the house, kicking off his shoes and laughing as Ciri bolts around the corner. As usual, her paws have no purchase on the floor and she scrabbles desperately.

Crouching down, he opens his arms and let's her jump into them, squeezing tightly as she yelps and licks his face excitedly. Her tail whacks into his stomach repeatedly, the sound audible and he takes a moment to appreciate how great his life is.

There's nothing better than coming home to his wife, his cat and his dog.

"Okay, okay, calm down. Cal-calm down you little butt!" Hoseok laughs, putting Ciri down and finishing his routine of putting his jacket away. It doesn't stop her from jumping up at his legs, desperate to try and get back in his arms.

"Alright, alright!" He chuckles. "Let me get in, you little demon. Where's your mommy, huh? Where is she? Where's mommy?"

As he expects, your retort is quick to his blatant attempt at getting Ciri even more excited.

"Don't you dare rile her up! If she gets too excited to go to sleep later, then you're taking her for a late night walk!" 

Entering the living room with a huge grin, Hoseok takes a moment to look you over. You're curled up against your favourite arm on the couch, the soft and fuzzy patchwork blanket you love so much covering your knees whilst your fingers move the knitting needles in intricate patterns.

It's your favourite hobby lately, and Hoseok has plenty of scarves, hats and other items of clothing to prove it. The TV has an old episode of Chicago Fire playing as background noise and there's a delicious smell of tikka masala in the air.

"She'll be fine, you know she can't keep up this energy. Too small for it, aren't you, my little pumpkin?" He coos, scratching Ciri behind her ears and grinning at her obvious delight.

Moving around the couch, he sits down and let's his body relax into the soft cushions. The two of you had bought this new couch only a few months ago and he still wasn't quite used to it.

Before he can even say anything to you, Kasumi jumps up onto his lap and purrs her own welcome to him. Running his hand down her spine, he pays extra attention to the spot on her back behind her tail and chuckles as she arches into it, tail high in pleasure.

"Hey old girl, how're you?" He coos, kissing her head before pulling her into his arms for a cuddle. She's content to do so and begins to knead his arms, purr growing in volume.

"How was your day?" You get the question in before he can and the conversation he overheard earlier comes to mind immediately. The grin that spreads on his lips is hard to control, and it's not surprising that you notice it.

Eyes narrowing, your socked foot reaches out from beneath the blanket to poke at his thigh in suspicion.

"What's that smile for?"

"Nothing, I just overheard this woman at work saying she thought I was hot." Wriggling his eyebrows, Hoseok has to restrain himself from snorting at how you roll your eyes.

"Oh yeah? Did you tell her that you also leave shavings in the sink? Women don't tend to find that so hot." There's careful neutrality in your voice and he knows you're playing along with him.

Many years ago, he would've never told you something like this. You wouldn't have coped well with the knowledge and it would've likely led to stress and anxiety on your part, even though you would've known he had no intention of doing anything with anyone else.

Now though, you were confident and secure in your relationship with him. The very fact he was being so open about it was something that he knew you appreciated, that he didn't feel the need to keep it some clandestine secret. It meant he trusted you with the knowledge, trusted that you knew he didn't care about this other woman and trusted that you wouldn't get upset over it.

That didn't mean you wouldn't tease him, though.

"Hey, I have a reputation to keep up!" Hoseok says in mock outrage and you simply give him a droll look.

"You have pictures of Ciri and Kasumi on your desk, not to mention the gazillion photos of me on there. Any reputation you might have as a ladies man is gone when they see your desk." Now it's Hoseok's turn to narrow his eyes, looking you over suspiciously.

"How do you know about that? I've never told you what my desk looks like…" He trails off at the look of triumph on your face.

"I didn't, but now I do! Oh my god, that's so cute. Don't worry, I have pictures of you too." You give him that beautiful smile that he'd fallen in love with so long ago and sighs, shaking his head at how well you played him.

"Anyway, someone thinks I'm hot. But then one of the other women pointed out that I'm married and that my wife is very pretty. Which I totally agree with." There's no sarcastic response to that and he smirks at you, brow rising in challenge.

You don't say anything though, simply bite your lip shyly and look away. It makes his heart twist as he recognises the embarrassment of hearing that but also the fact that you still don't quite think you're beautiful. At least it had come from someone else this time, though.

"Anyway, that was the main thing that happened. Thought I'd let you know. Is that tikka a store bought sauce or did you make it from scratch?" Changing the subject quickly, he smiles internally as you accept his unsaid offer to move on from your moment of uncomfortableness.

You may not be there yet in terms of believing you were pretty, but he still had plenty of years to prove to you that Jihyo, and he, were right.

[zalrb]

Hey 😊 no problem! I was trying to say if performances of characters that are written and intended as comedic characters played by actors who aren’t comedians or known for being the “comedic character” like you said Seth Rogen. Actors where it’s can be surprising just how funny they are and how naturally they can pull off a comedic role because you’re so used to seeing them in more dramatic/serious roles. Sorry if I’m not making sense hahaha

No, I get it, so for that I'm not going to include someone like Bradley Whitford who is a dramatic actor but always brings a sense of wit/irony to his roles. Or even George Clooney who does a lot of serious roles but also has an element of humour a lot of time in his characters.

Joe Pesci is ... interesting because I was first introduced to him as a kid watching Home Alone, which is very slapstick and a kid's movie and it wasn't until I was older that I realized it was funny because he was a serious actor who had a penchant for playing terrifying mobsters who flew off the handle and Home Alone was kind of poking fun at that but I'm still going to include him because he's just naturally funny so even though Tommy in GoodFellas is a terrifying character, Joe was really funny playing him and then he did My Cousin Vinny which is just a straight up comedy and it was hilarious.

Ralph Fiennes was pretty funny in In Bruges

I remember being surprised by Jon Hamm being funny in Bridesmaids

Kate Winslet had an episode in Extras and I remember being surprised by how funny she could be, particularly since I don't care for her much

Death Becomes Her is like ... one of the most over-the-top, outrageous, you just had to be there, 90s movies that I love and Meryl Streep was great in it.

Sterling K Brown has, like, RANGE so I wasn't exactly surprised by how funny he was in his episode of B99 but it was like a delight to see

Tom Cruise also surprised me when I saw Tropic Thunder and in fact I didn't realize it was him until I left the movie theatre and heard these two dudes being like HE WAS FUCKING EPIC IN IT and I was like where the fuck was Tom Cruise??

I'm sure there are others but I can't think of them right now.

[palaceofpassion]

Tempverse: Episode 2: Camping Time!

Here is episode 2, which I had to cut down cause going past 5k is starting to drive me insane!  Also my finger has been locking up.

Pyrrha Nikos was a lot of things, she was a champion, a S Grade Fighter, someone who always thought about doing the right thing.  Someone who believed her destiny would be to save as many as she could, even if it were to cost her life.  She was many things, and one thing that many forgot or didn’t realize, was that chiefly among everything else she was still a young woman.  Another thing very few knew was that she was an actor, a person who could put on a front when pressured by others and who could mask how she really felt.  And finally something that no one knew, because of the former reasons, was that she was a Grade A pervert.  Though really, could you blame the young woman?  As previously stated she WAS a young woman, one who was currently blossoming into her full youth, one who had urges and desires.  One who was currently in a field filled with health… strong… robust young individuals who were practically spewing out sexual pheromones.  

In fact, she had been invited to no less than 4 orgies in her past!  So yes she was a bit of a pervert, often having wild fantasies about her competition together, or them alone, or other women and men it really didn’t matter to her.  But one thing she was, something that oftentimes got her called a stiff, was someone who was devoted to the idea of destiny and love.  Despite her… growing lust, she was strong willed so much so that she really never saw the point in participating in sexually charged campaigns.  So despite the invitations she declined, albeit a small part of her HAD regretted that decision a few times.  Though when ‘accidents’ happened and said competitors ended up in quite the pickle, well she was most grateful to have stuck to her guns.  

Still to sate her urges she fantasized, which wasn’t too difficult when shower rooms were all unisex.  Despite her attempts to keep her eyes low she HAD seen quite a few individuals in their bare and well… she may have had some seriously twisted thoughts.  Like that one time, her old classmate and rival Arslan was actually the sweetest of girls!  Pyrrha wasn’t sure if she was like her or not, hiding her devious desires, or was simply naive enough to not care… but there had been times where Pyrrha had thought about her rival being pinned. The very thought of various men and women taking their turns with the gorgeous dark skinned muscular fighter had seen her through SEVERAL heated nights.  

So yes… Pyrrha Nikos was in fact a pervert… one who may or may not have had several metal piercings at various peculiar places… ones that she made SURE to keep hidden.  She was fine with being called prudish, fine with no one knowing her secrets or her desires.  It was easier that way, easier to be seen as abstinent, clean, pure.  So she made a vow to herself, never to display herself in public, to hide her dirty little secrets taking them to the grave.  She’d always been good at it, she never thought it would change.  

Yet, as she rested beneath the cold droplets of a running shower head, she found herself unable to concentrate.  Her thoughts laying back to the night before, the soft husky moans reverberating from within arms reach, or… or her own lack of inhibitions.  She could still feel the sensation of her fingers running through her soft soaking pussy, her digits roaming across the plump lips squeezing and grinding against her needy flesh.  Her new friends lusty moans still filled her ears, the wild scent of… of Jaune’s seed still clung to her nose.  Every breath was filled with a deep murky aroma.  Everytime she closed her eyes she could still envision the bag shifting as they… as they… as they plunged themselves into one another.  

She could only imagine, only DREAM about what was happening beneath those sheets, what they were doing to one another.  Pyrrha was an observant woman, always keeping an eye out for competition… always watching for an opportunity to imagine.  And… while others had ‘chosen’ to mock Jaune in his surprisingly adorable onesie… in her perverse and twisted little thoughts had chosen to take a peak downstairs.  Oh how easy it was to see, she was surprised at the lack of attention his lower region had received, perhaps the only other person to notice was the woman who had struck first?  

As thoughts of the night before continued to flutter through her thoughts, her hands began to slowly descend down her tight finely fit stomach.  Fingers, sliding between the curvature and creases of her abs roaming lower beneath her pelvis and finding themselves sinking between her drenched lips.  

Yet as her hands began to seep into her flesh, her thoughts fell back to their conversation.  Her eyes shut tightly as she bit her lip, everything coming back to her as clear as day.  

The young Nikos had never been so far away from home, even in her old school she was still within walking distance of her family house.  Even as she closed her eyes to try to lul herself into a comfortable rest she  found herself unable to.  She wondered, as her heart paced quickly within her breasts, if her new friends, oh a word she’d so adored to use, were already fast asleep.  Perhaps they were not?  Mayhaps she would be able to start a brief conversation with them.  And yet, as she willed herself to fumble around, she heard them speak.  Their voices but a soft whisper, almost drowned out by the snoring in the distance.  

The young woman’s heart began to race, the sound of the two laying just within arms reach whisked its way towards her.  “I don’t belong here…”  She stilled, her thoughts running rampant at what Jaune meant.  He was approved, he must have belonged here, right?  “I… I faked my transcripts.”  Quickly her hands wrapped around her lips forcing down the gasp that nearly escaped.  She… she shouldn’t be hearing this!  But… he DIDN’T belong here!  Her heart began to crack, she’d just made a friend, and now she would have to part.  She WOULD tell the Headmaster, even… even if she destroyed their new friendship she couldn’t let him get hurt, couldn’t let him hurt anyone else.  She knew… knew that… there was a selfish part of her that didn’t want to.  

Despite her reservations, they continued to talk, her thoughts in shambles as they came upon May’s response.  She heard them shift around, nearly drowning out May’s soft, “I’ll protect you.”  Pyrrha wondered, was that what friends did?  Did a good friend still let something dangerous happen to their new companions?  She didn’t know, she’d never been close to anyone before… but… but… then they got to the conversation about her.  She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, hadn’t meant to… but now she found herself completely enraptured by their muted musings.  “She’s really pretty…”  “She’s apparently famous…”  “Doesn’t matter…”  “She just wants friends…” 

She bit upon her lips, fighting back the choking sobs that were sure to follow.  Her heart swelled and body trembled.  She’d never had anyone talk about her that way, they… their voices were genuinely concerned.  They wanted to be around her, they really didn’t know who she was, yet they wanted to be with her.  She heard the Schnee’s name brought up, but mostly in jest, though she too had noticed the lustful glances that the young Heiress had passed her way.  Despite herself, despite the previous thoughts of turning Jaune in… she decided that maybe it would be okay to be a bit selfish this time around?  

Then something she wasn’t EVEN sure wasn't part of one of her fantasies happened.   

Even as Pyrrha’s legs trembled beneath her, her painted breath washed out by the hot flooding water above her and her toes curling into the hard tile floor, she found the events of last night to be too outrageous.  Her fingers curled within her quivering hole, grasping at the soft edge of her lips and plunging deeper into her depths. Squelch her ears were surrounded by the soft sound of liquid and air passing between her fingers and her pussy.  Her soft vulva folded beneath her tight white knuckles as she squeezed around her digits.  Her tongue whisked around her free hand, flicking between her fingers as she squeezed upon the strong pink muscle. 

She could only imagine what they were doing, and oh how it delighted her!  Just the thought of May’s small short stacked body being penetrated by that ridiculous monster between Jaune’s legs set her off!  Oh Brothers’ she wished she could have seen it, just… oh just watching them mate would have been so very delightful~  Would her little stomach bulge as his member punched into her?  Would those huge, delicious wobbly tits jiggle and bounce with every thrust?  She felt something shake inside of her while she pushed her head against the hot tile bracing herself for what was to come.

“Oh gods oh gods!”  She couldn’t stop herself any further, pinning her head against the tile, her ass wiggled expectantly.  Her mind was cracking, turning hazy as she continued to think about what she’d experienced yesterday.  She’d seen so many, seen a ton of things, but never that close, or!  Or that BIG, THAT HUGE!  Jaune’s massive cock hidden and tucked away, May’s massive bouncing soft breasts hidden away by her thick jacket.  How either of them moved was beyond her, but she couldn’t get the image out of her mind!  She wanted to touch them!  To suck on them, to feel both of them!  

Her eyes shut tight as she imagined herself, pinned between both Jaune and May, her face buried between May’s massive breasts rubbing herself back and forth as her fingers squeezed into those plump swells.  She imagined Jaune behind her, his massive GIANT FUCKING COCK, Piercing her insides pushing all the way into her depths burying himself into her.  She couldn’t stop herself as her fingers  grew faster and faster.  Her body quaked as her nails curved into her soaked pussy.  

She wanted something else, something bigger, harder, something to fill her with thick hot seed!  She wanted Jaune to bury into her, to breed her and pin her!  Despite her lustful experiences in the past, she’d NEVER felt the desire to be bred.  To have someone pump all their baby batter inside of her oven.  She’d never wanted to motorboat someone so badly before, to bury her face into a woman’s breasts, to suck and pinch them as much as she wanted now!  Her body was on the edge, her womb quivered in hope and anticipation.  She knew it was something more, something far deeper than a physical attraction.  They had treated her differently, had ignored her status that… that had turned her on far more than it should have!  And… and they both had a scent to them, an intoxicating aroma that she oh gods!  Just thinking about the smell coming off of their bodies that morning!  It was still trapped in her nose, her thoughts befuddled as she was getting to the edge.  “DICK DICK COCK!  TITS BREASTS MILKBAGS!  BREED ME BREED ME BREED ME!  FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME!  COCK COCK COCK COCK COCK DICK DICK DICK!  CUM CUM CUM CUM! INSIDE INSIDE INSIDE!”  SHE WANTED SO BAD!  SO BAD!  “SUCK IT! SUCK DICK!  SWALLOW!  DRINK!”  She tried as she might to stifle those last words, thanking the brothers she was alone.

Her lips sucked on her plunged digits as she tried to muffle her coming orgasm.  With a silent scream she fell to her knees.  Her core tightening inside, no one would notice the sticky clear fluids being washed away by the falling faucet water.  Her chest heaved as she let her mind clear of the thoughts of last night.  “How are those two doing?”  

By the time Jaune had woken, May and Pyrrha had already gone off, obviously starting their day.  Fighting back the residual grogginess he began to shift, slowly sitting up.  Slowly he began to clench his hand into a grip and then release it, repeating it a few times to make sure that he wasn’t dreaming.  After a few cycles, he felt his blood warm inside his body at the realization and dawning of what had happened last night.  He could still feel May’s body pressed against his, the phantom warmth of their embracing forms floated within his thoughts.  “So it wasn’t a dream…”  

While he wanted to relish in satisfaction, the sound of a bell chiming above stripped him from his thoughts.  “Right… I have a lot to do today.”  Though as he stared down, the sticky feeling between his thighs was still ever present, he knew the first thing he would have to do was take a shower…

Thankfully it didn’t take too long to shower, and it had been a rather uneventful affair, well minus a few of the stares he’d been getting as he made his way over.  Perhaps it was because of his close proximity to Pyrrha?  Or maybe they’d caught notice of his and May’s little endeavors last night?  He wasn’t really sure… and honestly he had more important things to think about, like surviving today.  He couldn’t shake the feeling of how out of his depths he was.  Everywhere he looked he was met with confident grins, robust bodies, people who KNEW they had this… people who knew they belonged here.  

While he, Jaune Arc, truly didn’t belong here, he wasn’t stupid… well okay he probably wasn’t what one would call street smart, it was kind of hard to be with how much time he spent in bed.  But!  But, he’d been given the best education that his parents could afford, and thankfully that was quite a bit!  He’d also had his sisters help him out from time to time, they’d all been such wonderful supporters.  Also being bedridden had given him a lot of free time!  So he’d read, and no not just comics though he really did enjoy those, no he’d gone out of his way on reading about the outside.  Reading about Grimm, reading about how to survive, not once had he ever given up hope on being a huntsman.  So even though he’d honestly felt like he’d never get the chance, he’d still sworn to try.

So yeah he wasn’t stupid, he knew oh how he absolutely knew that au… that Headmistress Glynda and Headmaster Ozpin knew his transcripts were fake.  Which made it all the more shocking when they’d accepted him in.  His parents hadn’t taken it well at first, but they’d relented when he talked it out with them.  His family had their reservations about him coming to Beacon, so they did their best to try to get him ready in the short amount of time that they’d had left.  He knew that none of them expected him to pass, they were banking on him flunking out during initiation.  He knew… or at least he felt that Un… that Headmaster Ozpin was just humoring him.  He knew that of course but… but he had to take the chance!  

And yet, he knew how right they were, how he didn’t even believe in himself.  You know, if he was being honest with himself right now, he’d say he was scared.  Because he was he was honestly doing everything in his power to keep from shaking.  He was terrified, terrified that he was putting his life on the line for something that he had no right of doing.  He didn’t belong here, he was just some kid whose head had been filled with fantasy after fantasy.  From the stories of his parents, to his older sister.  He’d always wanted to see the world, wanted to experience what was behind his walls.  So… even with how terrified he was, even ignoring the terrible shakes running through his body, he decided not just then but long ago.  That no matter what, he’d do what he had to do.  And, even has he knew that he could be facing his death at any moment, he decided that dying while doing something he wanted to do was far better than not doing anything at all.  

Besides it wasn’t all that bad, he’d actually gotten to make friends!  Him!  Jaune Arc, quite possibly the most socially inept person in existence!  Heck it wasn’t even just Pyrrha or May, there was that gi- “Jaune!”  

At the call of his voice he was suddenly pulled from his thoughts.  His head snapped to his right, as his gaze fell upon a small girl within a redhood.   “Jaune!”  She called out once again, a smile spread across his face.  Yeah, this wasn’t all that bad.  

“Hey Ruby.”  

“Jaune! Jaune!  It’s good to see you!”  

How could he not feel better as he watched one of his new friends practically bounce on over to him, though the girl tagging along behind her seemed far less amused.  “So sis, this is the boyfriend you were talking about.”  He felt his cheeks flash hot for a moment, though only for a moment as he realized the sisterly tone coming from the girl.  And as someone who had to endure CONSTANT teasing from seven sisters, he’d grown a resistance to it.  

Ruby however, seemed to still lack that natural but very important defense.  “What?!  NO!”  The young hooded girl floundered around trying to think of an excuse without also insulting her new friend at the same time.  “I’m not looking for anyone!  Evenifhewasreallyniceandhelpedmeout!”  

There was a moment of silence between the three of them, however only for a moment as both Jaune and Yang began to burst out in a cacophonic laughter.  “Oh Rubes, never change.”  

And just like a kicked puppy, the young girl eyed her sister and pouted.  Something that was giving Jaune serious deja vu vibes from his own little sisters.  He wondered if it was just a universal sister thing or if perhaps he just didn’t have enough data.  “That was mean Yang!”  

The elder sister pulled the younger into a tight hug rubbing her face against her, “Oh Rubes, it's fine!  So.”  Jaune blinked as she brought her attention towards him, “No bunny pajamas today?”  This time, however, he felt his face grow a small tinge of red as he scratched the back of his head.  

“Uhm haha, no not right now at least.  Though they’re honestly really comfortable.”  

“And stylish too.”  

Ah, thank goodness he’d had all that sister training or he may have thought that was a real compliment.  He wasn’t exactly the best at picking out sarcasm, but that definitely was one.  “I mean, I like them enough, and they were a gift from one of my little sisters.”  

That had the unexpected effect of pulling the grin off her face and bringing her to a more serious look.  It was like she was pondering something for a moment before she started talking, “Family gifts ARE important.”  The blonde woman began to gently rub her hands through Ruby’s hair, running her fingers through the dark locks and pulling her close.  “Okay, you got me there then.”  

Jaune smiled at the small victory.  “Oh uhm, I’m Jaune, Jaune Arc.”  Reaching out his hand for a shake, which the girl replicated though she may have squeezed a bit too tight as he had to fight back a yelp.  

“Yang, Yang Xiao Long, Ruby’s big sister.”  When she released his hand he felt it pulse, “She has a seriously strong grip!”   “So you on your way to get your gear then?”    

“Yeah, it's almost time I think, and I don’t wanna be late.”  “I’d rather be there early, otherwise I’m going to fret all day.”   

Finally Ruby chimed back in, “Then we can all go together!”  The excitable girl hopped around the taller blondes with a bright smile on her face.  He couldn’t help but feel a bit of a confidence boost after witnessing Ruby’s own confidence.  She must believe that she had this in the bag, and if someone as young as her could do it?  Then well he could at the very least try,  even if he failed at the end of the day he could say he at least made an attempt.  And honestly, that's all he could ever ask of himself at this point.  

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”  He could at the very least give it his all.  And who knows, maybe things will turn out better than he’d expected.  

May found that she was practically floating!  Even the little part of her that screamed and chided her for last night’s acts was quashed down by how overall delighted she was.  She’d done it!  She’d practically confessed to her long time crush, and they’d almost gone all the way.  It had been an absolutely fantastic experience, one that she could only HOPE would get outdone when they finally DID have their first time together.  And as she all but glided across the Beacon grounds, she found herself still soaking in the memories of his touch.  She could practically still feel his body around hers, his big round cock sliding between her plump thighs, or his hands grasping onto her bare bottom.  Or oh how could she forget, the feeling his hot white seed soaking in her panties, foaming around the curves of her pussy.  

Just the thought of it sent shivers running up her spine and making her core clench in joy.  Though, and as much as she wanted to keep on with the memory, she had things to do.  So, she’d left her friend behind that morning, wanting to let him get as much sleep as he could before they HAD to get up.  She knew things were going to be rough for him, there was no way that whatever training his parents had given him was going to be enough.  She highly doubted he’d had any official training either, so she would make due on her promise.  She would protect him, and watch out for him.  But first thing first she needed to get herself in the mood.  

She’d spent a lot of time cleaning out her gear, her sniper though on the simpler side of things required a lot of attention and maintenance.  Something she went through on a daily basis to make sure that it was still functioning properly.  She would much rather be over prepared rather than not prepared, if things went bad after all.  This of course meant that she was the first one in the locker rooms.  It also meant that she was there when other people started to come in.  She heard a few passing remarks about her getting close to Pyrrha, or how she had gotten along with the scraggly looking blonde, but she ignored them.  Thankfully, and perhaps part of the reason WHY she put so much attention into her maintenance was because of how it let her wash out her normal shyness.  

She was able to ignore the dreadful thoughts of dealing with others, of having to face other people.  It let her simply concentrate on something that wouldn’t judge her, or talk about her behind her back.  She could just put her all into making sure that the very thing keeping her alive was working.  And that was something she could get behind, something she truly enjoyed.  So she ignored the conversations going on around her, and gratefully so.  Though, there was one conversation she found herself almost completely unable to ignore.  Thankfully she’d finished her preparations by that point.  

“So Pyrrha, have you thought about whose team you would want to be on.”

“I’m not quite sure.  I was planning on letting the chips fall where they may.”  

“Uhm, excuse me?”  

Okay, that was enough familiar voices to grab her attention, though as she finally snapped out of her own little world she realized how very few people were in the locker room now.  As far as she could see it was only herself, the Schnee, Jaune, Pyrrha, and two girls off in the distance.  “Oh, it's a good thing I finished.”   She wouldn’t want to be late after all.  

Though, she felt a chill run down her spine as she began to watch the rather painful event in front of her unfold.  

“What do you want?”  She flinched, if looks could kill she was sure that the Schnee would be charged with murder.  

Poor Jaune didn’t seem to notice though, “I’m sorry I was just wondering if you two could move please?  My stu-”  

“How dare you!  Do you not know who this is?!”  Oh she wasn’t going to let him finish.  She wasn’t sure she should join in, but… Jaune would have done it for her.  Letting out a sigh she walked up to the group.  Though by this point the Schnee had begun to make Pyrrha quite uncomfortable if the pained expression she had on her face was anything to go by.  

“And do you think you deserve to be on the same team as her?!”  

“I uhm…”  

“He… he didn’t… say anything about that though?”  May despite her normal meekness decided to chime in.  This of course had the unwanted but expected effect of earning her the Schnee’s wrath.  

“And WHO are you?”  Oh jeez, how could a girl just a bit smaller than her be so frightening?  It was like dealing with an angry chihuahua.  

Though, thankfully before May had to respond, Pyrrha decided to comment.  “Ms. Schnee, that’s enough.”  May was quite surprised at Pyrrha’s hardened voice as she gazed down upon the little Snow White.  “I believe that you’ve been rude enough as it was, Jaune here wasn’t even asking to be on a team.”  She turned her attention to Jaune, “But I would be delighted to be.”  

May smiled as Pyrrha gave Jaune a reassuring grin, the young boy’s face turning a deep crimson as he sputtered out a few nonsensical words.  

“Now that's most un…”  

“I believe he was simply asking us if we could move.  Isn’t that right Jaune?”  

“Yes please, you’re uh, in front of my locker.”  

The Schnee blinked as she turned towards the number in Jaune’s hand, and then the locker behind her.  Thankfully she had enough and stayed silently shortly after, huffing as she decided to take her leave.  

Frankly Jaune had no idea what to do in this situation, it had been awkward enough with the girl who’d already probably didn’t like him, just kind of threatening him.  “Well… that was interesting.”  

Pyrrha simply smiled his way, something that caught both May and Jaune’s attention as they felt a small warm feeling churn inside of them.  “I hope neither of you are bothered by any of what she said.”  

“None here.”  Jaune shook his head, he didn’t really get famous people.  

“That’s the same for me.”  May found herself stating what she felt was obvious.  Despite her shyness, she liked to be upfront about things.  

A warm cozy feeling fell upon the trio, only to be interrupted by the other two students still in the room.  “THAT WAS AWESOME!”  Ruby’s sudden appearance between the three caused the trio to suddenly jump back in surprise.  The young redhead turned her attention towards Pyrrha, a gleam in her eye that Pyrrha had seen all too often, however what came next wasn’t exactly what she expected.  “The way you shut her down!  Ms Snooty never saw it coming!”  This officially caught Pyrrha off guard, maybe coming here wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

“Well now, I see why you weren’t instantly smitten by my adorable little sister lover boy.”  

Jaune nearly jumped out of his pants as Yang suddenly appeared by his side, her arm resting on his shoulder, “You’ve got these two beauties fighting over!  Heck one of them’s even a champion!”  

Pyrrha couldn’t help but flinch at being called champion, even if this woman, she didn’t know their names, said it only in jest towards Jaune.  For now she’d let it slide, though she did take note of the way Jaune’s demeanor flattened.  Regardless, now wasn’t the time for that, they would all need to be at their utmost best if they wished to survive.

“Well uuuuh!  We should get going!”  

The younger girl, Ruby she believed her name was, decided to break the awkwardness.  

Pyrrha nodded, “I agree.”  The sooner she got her partner, the better things would turn out.  And hopefully, peering over to Jaune and May, she would end up on a team with these two splendid individuals.  

Jaune wasn’t ready for this!  He’d already been prepared for what was to come, but actually standing on a launchpad without any real plan other than “Use your Aura.” was not something that he felt comfortable with.  

“Today will be the day that you decide not only your partners, but your teams.”  

“Oh man!” 

“I knew it!”  

Jaune’s face scrunched as he heard two different voices in the background.  One he recognized as Ruby, and the other he didn’t.  

He couldn’t really argue with Ruby’s dismay, finding their partners in the middle of a forest was going to be awfully troublesome, it didn’t help that it was simply adding more pressure onto him, something he REALLY didn’t need right now.

“Oh gods I hope I don’t hurl.”

That had been another thing he’d been worried about when his elder sister had informed him that they’d be flying over the valley.

“The first person you make contact with will be your new partner.”  

“Oh that's… that doesn’t seem like a good way to build partnerships!”  

“As for teams?”  

Ozpin took a sip of his ‘coffee’.  Of course Jaune knew it wasn’t actually coffee, if he had to guess it was either tea or hot chocolate.  The man couldn’t handle anything bitter on his tongue.  He had a serious sweet tooth about it.  

“Well, that’s a secret.”  

Even in this rather unfortunate situation, Jaune found the time to roll his eyes.  

“Now then, Professor Goodwitch?”  

Jaune’s attention fell upon the disciplinarian and vice headmistress of Beacon Academy.  Probably the only real reason he’d actually made it in.  Even as he took the time to scan her cold demeanor, he couldn’t help but smile.  As scary as she was when she was stern and in her working mood, he’d always see her as nothing more than his loving aunt.  

“You will be launched one at a time into the Emerald Forest.”  

This he knew, “And when you touch down you will make an attempt to route with your fellow students.  The first individuals you make eye contact with will become your partner.”  He caught note of the s at the end of individuals, and that confused him slightly.  Had she miss-spoken?  

“From there, you have 48 hours to survive.”  

He blinked, this was different from what Rua had told him it would be!  But… survival?  He could make do with that!  Surviving off the land was probably the ONLY thing he was good at.

One nasally redhead decided to speak up, “What?  What does that have to do with being a huntsman!?”  

He was dutifully ignored. 

“We have provided all of you with a starter pack.”  

“Oh, that's what this is!”  

He heard Yang call out this time.  

“In it you will find various items, such as rope, a flint and steel, and most importantly a flare.  If ever you feel that you are unable to continue you and your teammates must decide on withdrawing.  Do note, there ARE Grimm in the forest.  You will have to learn to balance your survival instincts as well as your combat.  Being a Huntsman will often leave you in situations where you are low on supplies, or have to forage to survive.  This will be a good deciding factor on if any of you actually have what it means.”  

And with that she fell silent, pushing up her glasses as she took her place behind Ozpin. 

“Well then, any questions?”  

Jaune didn’t say anything, for the first time since he got here, he was feeling confident… except there was one thing he wanted to ask.  Raising his hand he was also ignored.  

“Good, I wish you the best of luck.”  

He couldn’t help but frown, catching the smile on Ozpin’s face as he was suddenly shot into the air, “I HAD A QUESTION!”  

Glynda watched as her nephew was suddenly launched into the air, having not noticed that several other students had already been sent off before him, “You know, Dana’s probably going to hear about that.”  

“Oh… hmm…”  

Ozpin frowned, that wasn’t good.  

“Well… he should be fine, he always did enjoy reading survival guides.”  

Glynda simply shook her head and sighed, this was going to be a very long initiation.  And, while she was supposed to be impartial, she did hope her nephew ended up on a good team.  

“So… has everyone already placed their bets onto the betting pool yet?”  

Glynda frowned, “You know how I feel about betting…”  

“Well?”  

“Ugh… yes.”

“And?”  

“Oobleck believes that at least a few students will get frisky during the initiation.  He stated that Winchester is definitely going to try something.”  

She glowered at the thought, “I don’t blame him… god I hope no woman ends up on his team.”  

“Agreed.”  

“Peach thinks that Lie, Valkyrie, and Sustrai will be up to some form of mischief and hanky panky.”  

“Mmhmm.”  

“And I believe that Zedong and Arc will push their relationship a little further.”

“Oh come now, that’s an easy bet.  We all could practically hear them last night.”  He took a sip of his drink once more, “I’m betting that Nikos snaps, you can smell the repression on the girl a mile away, your nephew is in danger.”  

“I swear, he’s just like his mom…”  

[dangermousie]

Web novel reading updates

So, here is everything I am reading atm and what I think about it. As always, I am reading a billion things at once. The ones that are not danmei are marked with an asterisk.

*Chang’an’s First Beauty - I caught up with all the translated chapters and was kind of relieved there were no more because it’s an excellent novel and on point about misogynism but because of that it’s a hard read. I basically keep wanting to murder ML with a rusty nail and for heroine to become a wealthy widow.

*Ever Night - chapter I am too lazy too look up out of a 1000+ (!!!) I love it but it makes 2ha seem like a short story. I keep enjoying it when I read but it’s not a novel I can binge what with all the philosophical discussions. I mean I like them but I am here for Ning Que x Sang Sang and the kinky sex, not to think about the nature of the Universe. (OK, I am kidding, I love that part but I will probably still be reading this novel in 2030.)

Every Day the Protagonist Wants to Capture Me - I am on ch 40something? 50something? It’s an inferior version of SVSSS which doesn’t mean it’s bad (SVSSS is amazing after all) but I am enjoying it without being addicted. It’s kinda too fluffy for me and nowhere near sharply enough written for me to overlook that.

How to Survive as a Villain - I am on chapter 203 (the novel is being translated three chapters per week and I’ve caught up with all of them. There are only seven chapters left of the main novel.) I thought it would go into my top 10 in the beginning. It won’t but it’s still a great read and my annoyance at ML at one point in the story has dissipated and I am back to loving him. It’s the MC who makes the novel for me. If Xie Lian was a human, that’s who’d be.

I’ve Led the Villain Astray How Do I Fix It - I liked it but the new translation is hard to parse through and between that, the sheer length and the fact that a lot of it cultivation stuff, I am putting it aside. If there was a good translation which I could skim when it got to cultivation bits, I’d def finish but as is...

Mistakenly Saving the Villain - I am on chapter 59 (the novel is being translated four chapters per week and I’ve caught up with all of them.) I love this one enough to start making a MTL despite the insane translation speed (though I’ve stopped now since I decided to wait and read other things.) If you like fantasy settings but a story that deals with long-term damage and healing and trauma, this one is for you. It’s so hopeful and lovely despite a trigger warnings list the length of my arm. And the OTP is the source of all that hope and healing.

Nan Chan - I am on chapter 49 (the whole novel is translated) and I really really love the gorgeous writing style and the amazing translation (it’s by the author of the masterpiece that is Qiang Jin Jiu and shows; the two novels have little in common in terms of plot, genre, themes etc but the gorgeous intensity is the same.) It’s also the most ALIEN novel I’ve read in a long time - the two main characters are a demonic carp who gained sentience and human form and deity whose true form is a sword. They are not human and they do come across as very much other, not just humans with long life spans/magic powers. I love that. Because of that, and the fact that this is a novel who looked at TGCF and thought it was not picaresque, episodic and sprawling enough, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea but it’s very much mine.

Qiang Jin Jiu - caught up with all translated chapters (138.) This is a bona fide masterpiece and will likely end up in my top 3. So smart and intense and perfect. I keep telling myself to hoard the chapters and binge since the impact will be greater, but I do not have the willpower in the least since it’s so damn good.

*Rebirth of the Tyrant’s Pet - this novel is so long I will be still reading it when I am dandling my great grandchildren on my knee, but what gonzo delicious fun. Borgias Goes China is a delight and I ship our heroine with both of her unbrothers, tbh (though ML more since he’s more psycho.) I don’t normally enjoy het web novels as much as danmei but this is a rare exception.

To Rule In a Turbulent World - (I am on ch 62 which is where the translation is atm.) Still utterly solid and with complicated characters and complicated world. Also, I don’t care, Team Zhao Chao Was Right.

The Villain Is Outrageously Beautiful - yup, the tentacle sex one. I like it even though it’s def the most out there web novel I’ve ever read, but it’s slow going since the human translation has been abandoned and I’ve been making MTL and it’s slow reading since its plot and cast are confusing enough in human translation and with MTL requires more brain power than I often possess.

The Wife is First - whatever chapter the translation is on. I still like everything about it (except the way most women characters are but oh well) and it’s still a pleasant read that doesn’t make me rabid but makes my mood so sunny.

Wu Chang Jie - someone mentioned some of it made them think of 2ha and so I had to try! I am on chapter 5 and I am super duper obsessed with it though not really seeing the 2ha thing yet. The author mentioned their love of dog blood angst in the prologue notes and OH BABY YEAH!!!!

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Audrey Roget

Audrey Roget has 10 fics at Gossamer, with some different ones at AO3, fanfiction.net, and her website. You might know her from her very good fics or as part of Musea, a collective that all wrote fic and posted X-Files fic recs. I’ve recced some of my favorites of her stories here before, including Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas and The Shirt. Big thanks to Audrey for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)? A little, yes. Not so much by folks who were around in those days. I sometimes go hunting for beloved stories from the early years, both those I read and loved, and those I never got around to. I am always delighted to hear that later generations of fans have stumbled across my stuff, especially since I haven’t posted anything new in a number of years. It’s fantastic that both years-long fans and new ones are out there continuing to rec fic from all eras, and to maintain archives for fans yet-to-be born. What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it? What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general? It may sound corny, but the main thing I think of, and the thing that has ultimately been most valuable and lasting, has been the friendships. The feeling of having found a tribe – not just of TXF fans, but of other people who could be as enthusiastically engaged as I was (if not more so) with fictional stories and characters – was mind-blowing. Since I was a kid, I had often mulled over the books/movies/TV I loved and speculated internally about what happened off the page or off-screen, or created new stories for characters in my head. But, except for an elementary school phase where I and my two BFFs regularly played Charlie’s Angels, I hadn’t engaged in that kind of gleeful immersion in a fictional world with others until TXF fandom. My involvement in fandom followed pretty quickly from getting hooked on the show, so for me, it’s all one big ball of experiences. Even as my interest in/involvement in fandom has waxed and waned over the years, I’ve been lucky to remain friends with wonderful people who I originally connected with as fellow fans.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)? What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

My initial entrée to the fandom was through fanfiction. I didn’t get interested in the show until mid-season 5. Around the same time, I read an article in a zine called Might (co-founded by Dave Eggers) about this thing called fanfiction that people would write and publish online. At first I thought it was satire or a joke – the fic cited involved Wilma Flintstone and a polished sabre tooth, as I recall – but then realized this was an actual thing. So I figured that a show then at the peak of pop culture must have fanfiction, and I went looking. Early on, I scrolled atxc on a daily basis and downloaded stories. But I didn’t engage in discussions about the show on Usenet, since I only knew how to access it with my Earthlink email client, and I didn’t want to post using my real name.

Later, I set up a pseud address with Yahoo and subscribed to a couple of email fanfic/discussion lists, and stayed subscribed to those for years. There was also a period in there somewhere – of maybe only a year or so, when I think about it – when I’d often nerd out into the wee hours with other fans via IM chat groups. That was around the time the small writers’ collective Musea was founded, and we were active for several years after the show’s initial run. In the early aughts, I followed many authors to LiveJournal and eventually set up my own account and stayed involved in fandom that way, until it mostly dispersed as well. What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show? In a word: Chemistry. I had casually watched a couple of episodes during the first four seasons, but I’m not a huge sci-fi/horror fan at heart, and the story lines didn’t immediately grab me. But I happened to tune into The Red and the Black in 1998, and BOOM. For the first time, the intense layers of emotion and attraction between Mulder and Scully really struck me – and then of course, upon further viewing, I realized it was unmissable, an essential element in the fabric of the show. As a wise woman once said, a switch had been flicked. Mulder and Scully’s magnetism was like nothing I’d ever seen, and though I eventually came to appreciate the storytelling, humor, production values, and other components that made the series so successful, watching those characters interact has always been what kept me coming back. Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files? I was part of a list-serv discussion group for The West Wing for a while, which was a fun melding of character and plot analysis with political discussion. Later, I got into the House, MD fandom, again mostly as a fanfic reader/writer. I was finding that other fandoms, unlike TXF, were more dispersed, the networks of people structured more loosely, if at all. There were fanfic and discussion communities on LiveJournal, and fanfiction.net was the other main hub for posting and reading, but if there was anything centralized like Gossamer, Ephemeral, or the Haven, I never found it. Within all those fan communities, as in TXF, there were partisans for various characters and pairings, and flame wars erupted over plot developments that outraged this faction or that. One main difference was that those other shows had larger, ensemble casts and more varied subplots. So on one hand, there was more opportunity to explore back stories and multiple perspectives. In House MD in particular, there were several entrenched rival shipper camps, which were about equally grounded in canon, rather than TXF’s central ship. I was less into TWW fic, but my impression was that readers were less militant about their pairing preferences than TXF or House fans. Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

I was deeply fascinated by Greg House for several years. (And the love-hate chemistry between him and Lisa Cuddy was a strong draw for me.) House MD came early in a wave of TV shows centered on anti-heroes, and Hugh Laurie brought amazing complexity and thoughtfulness to the character.

Philip and Elizabeth Jennings (The Americans) are a lethal pair of antiheroes. The inherent moral conflict of a sympathetic narrative from their POVs, and the global political conflict they embody was TV catnip for me. The internal struggles at the hearts of those characters were so exquisitely written and performed, they completely fascinate me.

The West Wing felt so much like a show created specifically for me. I’m especially fond of story arcs and scenes that centered on CJ Cregg, Charlie Young, and Josh Lyman. Though I loved Martin Sheen’s human portrayal of Jed Bartlet, the fact that he was the President always made him a little untouchable in my mind. But CJ, Charlie, and Josh were basically hard-working functionaries who were ambitious and idealistic and funny and flawed, and they spoke to me. What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I do continue to think about Mulder and Scully and watch episodes somewhat often. I’ll sometimes run a favorite episode as background when I want something comforting on. I read TXF fic pretty regularly, which can inspire me to go back and watch a particular episode or story arc I haven’t thought about in years. Just recently, I started listening to The X-Files Diaries podcast (@XFDPodcast, @admiralty-xfd), and that’s a fun dive into the characters, and how other fans react to and interpret episodes.

Every once in a while, a TV show or movie – and more particularly, the characters – will grab my attention and make me curious about how fanfic writers have interpreted the original material. Random example, I saw Singin’ in the Rain for the first time in a theatre a couple of years ago, and the chemistry of the three leads sent me to AO3 as soon as I got home. I also loved the first season of Mercy Street and found some well-done stories in that fandom. I usually peruse the Yuletide gifts every year and have been amazed by the sheer variety, creativity and cheekiness of the output. There are a bunch of other shows I’ve followed faithfully, and sought out fanfic – Broadchurch, The Killing, Agents of SHIELD, Elementary, The Good Wife. Although I’ve found some well-written stuff in those fandoms, I’ve rarely gotten the same charge from them as reading TXF fic. Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

syntax6 (@syntax6) – Universal Invariants/Laws of Motion. I’d also shout out to syn’s Hunter fics, too – well worth reading even for those who have never seen or particularly loved the show itself.

JET – I re-read Small Lives Awake every year around Thanksgiving time. Other annual holiday re-reads: Revely’s The Dreaming Sea and Jordan’s Through the Fire (both set at Halloween).

Amal Nahurriyeh’s Casey universe – the rare post-col fic that felt hopeful, made extra intriguing by a kick-ass original character. [Lilydale note: the series starts with Machines of Freedom and has lots of additional fics and snippets.]

Prufrock’s Love – Finding Rokovoko was genuinely terrifying and tender.

melforbes (@melforbes) – Seaglass Blue is a recent favorite, lyrical and bittersweet.

These are just a few (apologies to those that didn’t come to mind immediately). Fortunately for readers, there’s an astonishing number of authors who have written in TXF fandom whom you can depend on for a good yarn, insightful character study, and/or ingenious “fixes” where 1013 went awry.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

Probably the two set in my own (former) backyard of Southern California: Enivrez-vous and Ravenous. I’d first read the Baudelaire poem that was the source of the former’s title back in university days, so I was tickled to be able to use a few lines as an epigraph. Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online? It’s not out of the realm possibility. I’d meant for “Three Times Dana Scully Didn’t Go to San Diego for Christmas” to be followed up with “And One Time She Did.” In fact, the idea for that never-finished story was what inspired “Three Times” in the first place. I have a couple of scenes sketched out and – unusually for me – even know exactly how to end it. Every year, November rolls around, and I think I should finish and post it…maybe in 2021?

Where do you get ideas for stories? Sometimes it’s from my environment. “Enivrez-vous” and “Ravenous” describe places that I’m fond of, that made me want to place Mulder and Scully there. “What Not to Wear” has that element too – I set it in Memphis as a tribute to a great trip there with a sister Musean. But WNTW was also inspired by a kink challenge in a years-ago LiveJournal thread, so sometimes ideas come from fandom discussions or even other fanfics. In the House MD fandom, a fic by another writer made me want to continue the story, and the author kindly allowed an authorized sequel. What's the story behind your pen name? I wanted my pseudonym to sound like it could be a real person’s name – or at least, maybe like a romance writer’s pen name – rather than an online handle. I also wanted to use a slightly obscure fictional character, to amuse anyone in the know. I had long had a bit of an obsession with Whit Stillman’s 1990s film trilogy, which started with Metropolitan; the 3rd installment, Last Days of Disco, came out the same year I started down the TXF rabbit hole: 1998. The central heroine of Metropolitan – who is mentioned in or makes a cameo in the other two – is Audrey Rouget, a lover of Austen and, eventually, a book editor. I altered the spelling of the last name as a nod to every writer’s companion, Roget’s Thesaurus. Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions? I have a few close friends – from outside TXF fandom – who know that I’ve written fanfic. I don’t know if they know my pseud; if they do, or if they’ve ready any of the fic, they haven’t said so to me. They are fannish sorts themselves, but not really TXF fans. A smattering of other friends and family members know or could intuit that I’ve been a fangrl on some level for years. My boss, whom I’ve known for about 3 years, recently mentioned off-handedly that she was really obsessed with TXF “back in the day,” and I am DYING to know if she got involved in fandom, but don’t think I’ll ever work up the courage to ask.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now? Most of the X-Files stuff continues to be generously and steadfastly archived by Forte at The Basement Office. The House MD stories and some TXF things are at fanfiction.net; same for AO3. If ever post anything new, it will probably go to TBO and AO3. I really ought to get it all together in one place, one of these days…

(Posted by Lilydale on April 6, 2021)

[adhdeancas]

For @theangelwiththewormstache, I kind of went all out and searched through your blog to see what you like and headcanon, sent a few sneaky asks to find out more, and wrote in all the things I wanted for everyone’s happy ending. it got... unbelievably long.

Merry Christmas and enjoy :) 

Love, Cas over at @let-me-live-in-peace and @samwinchestersleftshoe

PS: thanks to @destielsecretsanta2020 for organizing this!

Click.

Dean sighed and nodded, pulling the phone away from his ear so he could stare at it expectantly. Right about…

It rang. 

“Cas,” Dean said languidly, like an asshole who didn’t know why his boyfriend was calling him back.

“Sorry. I forgot again.” 

“I know.” Dean couldn’t keep the smile out of his voice if he tried. And he tried.

“I love you.” 

“I know.” 

“Dean.” A hint of well-earned annoyance. 

“I love you too, Cas.” 

“Bye.” And another click. Dean grinned and pocketed his phone. The dumbass was still too impatient to wait for an answering goodbye. Guess they’d never be the couple to argue about who should hang up first. Then again, Dean kinda liked it this way. It was just a few more seconds of teasing and a special call to say I love you, that was kind of nice, right? Jesus he was a sap.

“Earth to Dean? Wanna stop daydreaming about your boyfriend for a sec and get back on task?” Claire was standing there waving a hand in his face, bitchface firmly planted. Dean gave her one back.

“Don’t be homophobic.” 

She rolled her eyes. “I’m gay.” 

“Yeah.” Dean kept walking, looking around at the rows on rows of Christmas trees. He stole a glance back at her. “Where is Kaia anyway?”                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Claire blushed and crossed her arms over her chest. She would never tell him, but Kaia had hung back to give her some alone time with Dean. “She wanted to hang out with Jack. Guess she didn’t want to stare at your ugly mug all day.” A grin then, as Dean laughed at her joke.

“Fine, fine, guess you’re stuck with me.” 

They roamed around a bit, both insisting on cutting down their tree themselves, Claire winning the fight to get to carry the ax. (Yes, Sam had suggested they bring a chainsaw. They had both refused because they needed to “earn the Christmas tree.”)

“Cas wanted a fraser fir.” Dean remembered, pointing to the section marked for them. 

He felt, rather than saw, Claire roll her eyes, which, that’s exactly what Dean had done when Cas first told him. “Dork. Do you always do what your boyfriend tells you?” 

Dean shrugged. “Pretty much. You?”

“Yeah.” They shared a soft smile before going back to their regular shit-talking. It was just The Dynamic. They searched a little bit more before they found one, the perfect tree that was big enough to make them both giggle over what Sam’s reaction would be when they brought it home.

It… takes longer to cut down a tree than you would think. Than either of them thought. Especially when you bring an ax and especially when you choose an obnoxiously large tree. They took a break about halfway through, sitting down in the snow and passing the thermos of hot chocolate Jack made them take back and forth (Claire spiked it with Bailey’s, which Dean chose not to comment on but was grateful for).

“Hey Claire… is it weird? Seeing me and Cas,” 

Claire looked at him warily, seeming to consider what possible ulterior motives he had. Then, figuring she was the one with the ax, she answered. “A little. But I never saw my dad this old. Or this gay.” She gave him a grin and Dean flipped her off, taking the ax out of her hands to get back to the tree. “It’s good.”

Dean paused. “What is?” 

“You and him. You’re good for each other, you can tell. Don’t overthink it.”

Dean’s lips curled up. “Sounds like something Cas would say.” 

“Yeah, well, sometimes the dork is right. Don’t be an idiot.” She shook her head at him. “Jody had to remind me all the time at first.” 

“What?”

“That I… y’know. Deserve it. Her. To be happy.” She put the last bit in quotes, saying it sarcastically, but Dean could see the truth of it in her eyes.

“Yeah, well, Jody’s smart like that.” He took another swing at the ax and tried to believe it for himself. It got easier every day.

------

Cas was left at home with Kaia and Jack while Dean and Claire got the tree and Sam and Eileen got food supplies. (Dean had protested, but Sam had -correctly- said that if given free rein, he wouldn’t get any vegetarian options and would get 10x more junk than they needed.) Jody, Donna, Alex, Bobby, Charlie, and the rest wouldn’t be here until the next afternoon. Christmas afternoon.

“So what should we do first?” He was a little bit nervous, being once again put in charge of the kids. 

“Paper snowflakes?” Jack suggested, his excitement all too obvious from the smile on his face. Kaia glanced at him, amused by his obvious enthusiasm. Claire had braided his hair before she left while Kaia painted his nails (black, because they don’t own any other color of nail polish). It was clear they were pretty bonded.

“Sounds good to me.”

Kaia had to teach both of them how to make paper snowflakes. Cas tried to make perfectly symmetrical snowflakes; Jack kept cutting his in half on accident which made a bunch of smaller snowflakes. Hey, it worked.

“So… what’s the deal with you and Dean?”

“Deal?” Cas flushed a little. Everytime someone asked it thrilled him all over again. He was dating Dean. Dean. Was his. Had told him so, straight to his face. And he got to kiss Dean whenever, and sleep with him, and make him make noises only he got to hear, and listen to all his worries and weird fears and recaps on the latest episodes of Dr. Sexy.

“Cas?” Jack was knocking on the table lightly. Kaia had two raised eyebrows and a little smile. 

“That good, huh?” She could relate. Everytime she thought about Claire she felt all warm inside, and going home to her at the end of the day was like a dream, especially after being apart for so long. 

Cas looked down, called out. “That good.” he agreed.

“How disgusting are they, Jack, on a scale of cute to rip your own face off cute?” Kaia leaned over the table now, shit-eating grin plastered firmly on her face. Jack looked delighted to be in on the joke, which made Cas happy in spite of himself. Jack really needed this time with kids his own age. (Well, kind of. He was technically three.)

“Well, they do cook together…” 

“Do they do that thing where one of them comes up from behind and puts their head on the other’s shoulder?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Dean or Cas?”

“Cas watches. He can’t cook.”

“Hey!” It was true. Cas was just arguing for the principle of it.

“But the movie nights are the cutest. One of them always falls asleep on top of the other one.”

“Probably at like 10 o’clock. You guys are so old.” Kaia teased, shifting her attention back to Cas. 

Cas shook his head and pointed his finger at the two of them. “I never should have had children.” Kaia stuck her tongue out and Jack followed suit. Proving his point. Kids.

---------

“Hey, you dorks just gonna let us do all the work, huh?” Dean shouted from the garage.

“Yeah motherfuckers, get in here!” 

Cas let out a half-hearted “Language!” before following Kaia and Jack through the halls. Claire pulled Jack into a side hug first before tugging Kaia in for a kiss. Dean would’ve followed suit, except Claire had actually left him to carry the whole fucking tree himself, which Dean, like an idiot, had actually attempted. Cas hurried over to help him, which earned him a glare lined with gratefulness. 

“Oh yeah, have a happy little reunion over there, don’t mind me or this giant tree!” Dean griped at the kids. “Let the old men handle it!”

“Hey, you said it first.” Claire raised an eyebrow at Dean and pulled Kaia and Jack off into the bunker, probably to go find Miracle. Dean sighed heavily, muttering under his breath.

“You brought that on yourself.” Cas informed him, grunting under the effort of holding up half the tree. 

“Thank you, babe. Very helpful.” Dean rolled his eyes. Cas pretended he didn’t feel a jolt of happiness at the most sarcastic ‘babe’ he’d ever heard.

-----

They managed to haul the giant-ass tree into the library and set it up, barely. It did almost crush Cas, but Dean tugged it upright at the last moment, prompting a joke about Cas dying again. (“Hey, you’re not allowed to make those anymore, you’re human now, dick.”) And a kiss that all the kids whooped and hollered at.

Then Cas showed Dean and Claire around the decorations they’d made while they were out. The greatest hits included paper snowflakes, ornaments, and a Christmas tree on the wall made out of old license plates. Dean clapped Jack on the shoulder to congratulate him on his crafts while Kaia held Claire’s hand and pretended not to be affected by the praise sent her way. 

By the time Sam and Eileen got back, they’d decorated the tree, all the chairs in the bunker, and the stair-rail with lights and tinsel. Sam let out a whistle when he came back in, which brought Miracle, Jack, and Cas to greet them. (Claire and Kaia were busy telling Dean all about their local gay bar. Which, considering they lived in South Dakota, was quite the story.) 

Dean’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw his brother and Eileen come in the kitchen with their bags. “Okay Dean, before you ask, we went with apple, pecan, pumpkin, and cherry.” Sam looked at Dean warily, who stared back at him over the girls’ heads with narrowed eyes, deciding whether or not to fight. The amount of pie ingredients he’d put on the list had been truly outrageous.

“Would like to remind you that the kids are making cookies and cheesecake too.” Eileen reminded him. Dean continued to look around suspiciously until Cas sat down on his lap.

That’s great, Eileen. Cas signed to her. He will be fine.

Eileen rolled her eyes. Whiner. Sam let out a snort and Cas grinned at her. Dean glared. 

“What’re you saying?” 

“Learn to sign better and you’d know.” Sam smirked.

“I’m working on it!” Dean protested and wrapped his arms around Cas’s waist, tugging him in possessively. He was going to try to sign something else but settled for a middle finger pointed straight at his brother. Hey, it was sign language.

Cas leaned back and kissed him on the cheek for his efforts. His memory landed on one particularly frustrating night for Dean when they’d been practicing his ASL (Cas knew every language of course) and Dean just couldn’t remember the most basic of things. Lamp, field, tree. The more frustrated he got, the more words started to leave him. He’d started swearing under his breath and stomped out to the porch to cool off, followed by Cas a few minutes later. Cas still remembered the drained look in his eyes as he looked at Cas. 

“I feel like such a fucking dumbass, Cas. I know it’s not that hard, it shouldn’t be that hard, Sam makes it seem so easy…”

“Dean, you are learning. It’s okay if it takes you a little time. Sam has experience with ASL, doesn’t he?”

Dean had sighed and conceded this. “Yeah, he took some in college I think. I just… I never took any language, you know? Didn’t seem as important as woodshop or sex ed.” He grinned half-heartedly at his own joke.

Cas smiled back and pointed at him, signing o and k. You’re okay.

He repeated the signs, nodding. I’m okay.

I love you.

I love you too.

-----

After the pies were made and chicken noodle soup in the crock pot, Cas and Dean relinquished the kitchen to the kids and retired to the Dean cave. Sam and Eileen were cooped up in their room until they were allowed back into the living quarters by the kids. They didn’t want their creations critiqued or tasted before they were ready.

Cas waited patiently while Dean typed away on his phone, eyes narrowed to see the text. He refused to get reading glasses or enlarge the print on his phone, even though he sorely needed it. Cas kept his complaining about it to a minimum though because he liked the wrinkles around Dean’s eyes when he squinted. It reminded him that he got to grow old with Dean.

Dean looked up finally to see the fond look on his lover’s face and blushed, guilty. “Sorry, just checking with Kara.”

Cas nodded understandingly. As always. “The bar will survive without us for a few days.”

“I know.” Dean looked down, a little pleased he could admit it. “I just miss it.” Wow, to have a life he could miss, and to miss it from a peaceful holiday vacation surrounded by his family. It was… surreal. 

“What do you want to watch?” 

Dean sank back into the cushions, thinking. “Die Hard?” 

Cas smiled at him. “Is that what you want to watch?” 

Dean rolled his eyes and flipped around so he could lay his head in Cas’s lap. “No.” He admitted it grudgingly. Cas could read him like a book. It was inconvenient sometimes and other times, like now, it was nice. “Just seems like the thing to watch. Y’know, Christmas Eve.” 

Cas shrugged. He put a hand in Dean’s hair, just like he liked it. Dean closed his eyes almost at his touch; he’d gotten much more comfortable letting his guard down like that lately. It had taken a while though, months of Dean staying rigid in his arms before he could relax quicker. “There are other things to watch.”

Dean reached a hand up and cupped Cas’s jaw with his hand. “Whaddyou wanna watch, sweetheart?” 

Cas couldn’t help but turn his head to kiss Dean’s hand. Dean only called him sweetheart when he was feeling particularly tender, usually a few whiskeys in. This time he happened to be both. Cas loved it. “What about a double feature?”

“Hm,” Dean scrubbed his hand along Cas’s stubble and thought. Cas’s stubble was one his favorite physical things about him; sometimes Cas accused him of petting him like a cat. “What ones?” 

“First… It’s a Wonderful Life.” 

Dean cracked a grin and opened his eyes. “Clarence?” 

Cas blushed. “I miss her sometimes.” 

“Should I be worried?” 

Cas tilted his head, pretending to consider it. “Considering she’s a demon? Probably.” Meg was banished to hell with the rest of the demons that had gotten out of the Empty, but given their old friendship with the Queen of Hell, that didn’t mean much for them.

“Psh, demon-shmemon. Been there, done that.” Dean pulled Cas down into a kiss, making him bend over into an awkward position that made Cas giggle. “Being a human is much sexier.” 

“I agree.” 

Dean waggled his eyebrows at him suggestively. “Wanna make it a triple feature? Little hanky panky for intermission?” Cas rolled his eyes, which Dean interpreted as a solid yes. “What is our second movie, anyway?” 

“Huh.” Cas booped Dean on the nose. “Love Actually.”

A slow, dopey smile spread over Dean’s face. “Okay.” He paused, thinking about it. He’d pushed Cas into watching it years ago, when they were still just friends, by ‘accidentally’ adding it to his Netflix Queue and then letting Cas loose for movie night. He’d watched Cas for his reactions the whole time (and only gotten distracted by looking At Cas a few times). It had been a couple months ago when he told Cas about that. “Second favorite thing about being queer is being able to watch sappy shit like that.” 

Cas rolled his eyes. “You were able to before, Dean.”

Dean ignored him. “Ask me what my favorite thing is,” 

“What’s your favorite thing?”

“This.” He burrowed into Cas’s lap. A sap and a flirt.

“I thought you were gonna say Taylor Swift.” A dry witted old queen.

Dean snorted into his stomach. “That’s my third favorite.”

----

“Alright, gang, what do we say? Same place tomorrow morning, let’s say… 5?” He spun around to look at everyone, a wide smile on his face. Everyone seemed less enthused than him, although Sam seemed to think his situation was amusing.

“Dude, I’m not twelve, I’m not waking up at 5 am to open a few presents.” 

“Like hell you aren’t!” Dean was smiling but it was less of a happy smile and more of a disbelieving one. Cas squeezed his arm then, stopped him from continuing his argument. Dean glanced at him and he just stared and gave him another squeeze. 

Dean knew what that look meant. It meant ‘Dean, you’re overreacting again, calm down and think about it’ and also ‘stop being such an asshole’ and probably also ‘wow you’re eyes are really pretty’ knowing Cas.

He took a deep breath and pecked Cas on the lips. “Alright, princess, what time are you willing to drag your lazy ass out of bed?”

Claire smirked and sent a look at Kaia before leveling back at Dean. “Eleven.”

“Eight.”

“Ten. Final offer.”

Dean considered a moment then extended a hand. And shook. “You have yourself a deal.”

----

After they went to bed, they talked about it. These days, they always talked about it. It was one of the things Cas had brought home from his shrink appointments, and, as much as Dean hated to admit it, it worked. Helped.

Cas changed into pajamas and stretched, sending a look back at Dean. Dean rolled his eyes and started before Cas could prod him to. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Cas raised an eyebrow at him. “You hate the morning.” 

Dean pursed his lips and shook his head, then pulled down his pants, because you should never have a conversation with your boyfriend with pants when you could have one without pants. These things he was learning. “Yeah, I do, it’s just… it’s Christmas.”

“Yes, it is. Isn’t it supposed to be a day of relaxation and fun?”

“Yeah, but it’s supposed to be exciting! Kids jumping on their parents bed at the asscrack of dawn to go to the tree, that kinda shit!” He shrugged, getting stupid worked up over it, he knew. He knew. Cas pulled him in by the hand and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Come on, tell me how I’m being an asshole.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “What part of ‘you do everything for love’ do you not understand?” 

“How is me freaking out over Christmas morning ‘for love’?”

Cas didn’t flinch away from the self-deprecation. “You want them to have the Christmas you never got.”

Dean sank his head onto Cas’s shoulder, thinking about it. He was right, of course he was, he’s always right. Cas can read him like a book, even when Dean himself didn’t know what he was doing. “I guess so, yeah.”

“That’s admirable. But the Christmas they deserve, same as you did, is the one they want. Which might not be the one you wanted.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” he sighed heavily. More than he wanted his kids to have a motherfucking Christmas-card Christmas, he just didn’t want to be the ruin of it. Didn’t want to be John. “Sorry you have to shrink my head all the time.” Dean muttered softly. Cas pulled him away and kissed him, slow and soft. 

“You pay me back tenfold.”

“You’ve got a shrink.”

“I meant with sex.” Cas met his eyes, face stoic as always. He would’ve gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for the glint in his eyes. It gave him away.

Dean threw back his head and laughed.

“Motherfucker.”

“I don’t have a mother.” 

Dean shook his head, grin splitting open his face. Cas himself was trying to hold it together; he kept having to push down the corners of his mouth so he wouldn't break. Dean crowded closer, determined to ruin that composure. He walked his face right into Cas’s, only reaching for his lips once they were already bumping together. Then he fell into it, pulled Cas toward him to get more, settled into the easy mesh of their bodies until Cas ended up knocking his knee against the bedframe with a loud thump.

They dissolved into a pile of breathy giggles, too giddy and soft to work up the energy to get frisky. Dean just shrugged off his shirt and pulled Cas closer to him. “You know you’re the best thing to ever happen to me.” Dean told him seriously. He didn’t know where it came from; it was way too mushy to even possibly be from his mind. Maybe it was something about the holiday, and the family, and the safety that all of it brought. 

“And so are you.” Cas replied simply, eyes glinting. 

“Even though I’m an asshole sometimes?” He had to ruin it. Had to put in that little bit of doubt, of insecurity. But it wouldn’t be truthful if he just swallowed it, so he let it be said.

Cas kissed his nose, which made Dean feel like a child but also like something so special and precious he didn’t complain. “Even though you’re an asshole sometimes.”

Dean snorted out a laugh and chased Cas’s lips, nipping at him in offense. He sank onto the pillow and stared at Cas where he sat up. Cas just looked down at him, adopting that alien-like quality he could still summon. “Marry me.” 

“What?”

Dean smiled fondly at him, for once not at all concerned. “I dunno, dunnit ‘boyfriends’ sound way too young to you? I mean you’re practically 5 million years old, you can’t have a boyfriend.”

Cas pursed his lips, seemingly deciding between protesting his age or agreeing to his proposal. He laid next to Dean during his decision, letting Dean watch him consider. “Suppose you’re right.” He shrugged, offering up a tiny grin. 

“Yeah?”

“Yes, Dean.”

“No, you’re supposed to say ‘Yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ and then burst into tears.” 

“Dean.”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules, that’s just how humans do it!”

“Okay, I take it back.” 

Dean laughed and pulled him into a giddy kiss. “I love you.”

“I hope so, you’re marrying me.” Cas couldn’t contain his smile anymore; he stopped trying and just stared at Dean with the kind of wonder that used to make Dean feel uncomfortable. Now, it just made him feel lucky. “I love you too.”

---

A phone rang, a bizarre ringtone Dean didn’t recognize. Sam jumped up and ran off to the map room, apologizing quickly. “What the hell, man!” Dean yelled after him and sent a look at Eileen.

Hunter call, probably. She signed. Sure enough, Sam was in the other room picking up a landline with an annoyed tone. 

He listened for a few minutes, asking follow-up questions before Dean heard him say, “Rugaru, yeah, that’s what it sounds like. Yeah, you gotta burn ‘em. Nasty, sorry. Yeah, no problem. Good luck.” He hung up and headed back into the room, signing and talking. “Sorry, hunting doesn’t care about holidays.”

“So glad we’re not doing that anymore.” Dean sighed happily, wrapping an arm around Cas. Sam smiled at him and nodded.

“Me too. I had to burn those clothes after the Rugaru thing.” He shuddered, the memory of the stench enough to make him happy for an empty stomach.

Eileen shrugged. Never had to deal with one of those. 

“Lucky.” Dean promised her. Cas nudged him, nodding toward Jack. He was shaking a wrapped box with his name on it, a look of deep concentration on his face. 

“Whaddya think it is, kid?” 

Jack shook his head. “No idea. Can I open it?” 

“Go for it.”Jack tore into it, no regard for the painted newspaper (yes, it was recycled, Cas and Sam both agreed) as he got to the box underneath. “Open the card first, heathen!” Dean joked, pointing out the card tucked onto the bottom of the thing. Jack scowled but complied, opening the card to find a nice note from him and Cas and a key taped in. 

“What’s it for?” 

Dean leaned forward, elbows on his knees, excited about this part. He had been the one who came up with it, after all. “Our place. We wanted to make it official, since you been, you know, visiting around a lot lately.” Dean turned a little pink in the cheeks. Jack had indeed been drifting between Sam and Eileen’s, Jody’s, his and Cas’s, Donna’s, and Claire and Kaia’s. But he always spent the most time at his and Cas’s house, trying to copy Dean and always ending up enjoying Cas’s hobbies more. Sam had told him a while back that Jack confided he wasn’t sure he was welcome there, not for the long term. So Dean wanted to let him know he was welcome. Except now, looking at the uncertainty on Jack’s face, he wasn’t so sure that’s what the kid wanted. “Uh, you know, you can just spend however much you want with us, but… you know.” He poked Cas desperately in the side, trying to get him to save the sentence.

“We’d like you to have a ‘home base’ with us, Jack. However often you are willing to stay.” Cas said simply. He squeezed Dean’s knee to reassure him.

Jack looked up at them with a stunned expression. “Does this mean I can take out the trash? And do the dishes?” He looked thrilled at the idea. 

Dean chuckled. “We never would’ve stopped you before, kid. But yeah, sure.” 

Sam cleared his throat, offering a smile to Jack. “That better not mean you stop coming around here though, Jack.” When Dean had called and told him his idea for the present, he’d almost teared up. His brother had come a long way with Jack. Still, he wanted to reassure his kid that he always had a home with him and Eileen too, no matter how busy he was. (And nowadays, between online classes, cataloguing lore onto an online database, and being the New Bobby, he was really busy.)

Jack jumped up, clearly about to go for a round of hugs, but Dean waved him off. “Keep going, you haven’t even gotten through one present yet.” 

Jack grinned and complied, taking a bit more time with the box. He pulled out a Scooby Doo phone case, marked for Extra Protection, with Scooby and Shaggy on the back.

“That one was my idea.” Cas told him proudly.

“I helped.” Dean piped up.

“You did not.”

“I helped you pick which case!”

“You wanted to get one with Fred and Daphne.”

“Well, yeah-”

“Not everyone has a crush on them like you do, Dean.” 

Dean flushed scarlet and went silent, pouting. Jack ignored their bickering and beamed up at Castiel. “I love it, dad. Thank you.” 

Cas looked like he could’ve gone for round 4 with the Empty with how happy he was, but he just nodded. “Of course.” 

The rest of the gifts went by with lots of shouting, laughing, smiling, and hugging. And a few tears all around. Dean got Claire a flamethrower without consulting anyone, and Cas got Kaia a rose and lavender scented pillow fragrance (“It helps ensure good dreams.”), which prompted a comment from Claire (“How’d he know you’re a pillow princess?”) that everyone pretended not to hear. Dean got Eileen a Woojer, a wearable speaker that lets you feel music’s vibrations in your body (“Because no one should have to live without Zepp available to them 24/7. Also, now you can cry with me when the sad music cues come on Dr. Sexy,” - one of their favorite activities together). 

Dean jerked a head at Sam to get him out of the room, so Sam snatched his gift while Dean detached himself from Cas. They went to the kitchen, sending a couple soft looks back at their family gathered around the tree with all their new possessions. It was nice, and they both felt it.

“So, uh, Sammy, I been thinking a lot about what to get you for Christmas and everything. I didn’t want to go with the classic-”

“Skin mag and candy bar?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well, damn, now I feel bad.” Sam mimed hiding his present (obviously bigger than a skin mag) behind his back, and Dean rolled his eyes.

“I finally got money, you know? Not a lot of it, but… I got a house and fucking, Cas, and… anyway. We’re finally doing Christmas and I wanted to do it right. And I want you to be as off-the-wall happy as I am, dude.”

Sam smiled widely, not even able to come up with a little-brother bitchy comment to that. “Thanks, Dean, that means a lot.” 

Dean cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, so, I, um, I wanna pay for your school.” Sam opened his mouth to protest but Dean held up a hand. “No, listen, I know you’ve been stressed about it, and I know you’ve been working really hard on the hunting catalogue stuff. That shit’s important. And I can pay for some crappy internet school classes. No offense.” 

Sam laughed and pulled his brother into a hug. “Thank you, man.” He said, muffled into Dean’s shoulder. “You have no idea how much that means to me.”

Dean patted Sam on the back, expecting Sam to pull away, but he didn’t. “Uh, Sammy.” Sam ignored him. “Sam. Dude, get off me. I want my present.” 

Sam snorted and finally pulled away. Dean tactfully ignored the wetness of his eyes in favor of snatching the gift from Sam’s hands. He tore it open with all the grace of a rabid dog, unveiling a thick, leather bound scrapbook. “A scrapbook? Really?” Dean raised his eyebrows. “That’s gay, even for you.” 

Sam pulled a bitchface. “Who sucks their boyfriend’s dick every chance he gets?” 

Dean flipped him off. No need to argue, Sam would see right through him. It was true though. Not that he would know. Dean flipped open the cover and grinned immediately. It was Sam and Dean as kids, in a mall photo booth, being dumbasses with their tongues stuck out and their faces all crazy. Dean mooned the camera in one, and you could see the psychological scarring on Sam’s face in the next picture. A little note slapped on the page next to it said “I have more nightmares about this than about hell”. Dean laughed, glancing up at Sam before he continued. Sam’s eyes were hopeful with a glint of mischief. That was never good.

Dean flipped through the next pages. It showed them through the years, all with little notes of Sam’s internal monologue. “Grumpy because he hasn’t gotten his coffee this morning” “That’s for the itching powder incident, asshole” and more and more. There were even some pictures in there of just him that Sam had obviously taken without Dean’s knowledge, pictures of him sleeping with comments about his snoring, pictures of him singing obnoxiously in the car with jokes about ear damage. Pictures of him and Bobby shooting the shit with notes about the pair of “old men.”

Then the pictures started to change. There started to be pictures of him and Cas. Mostly just him and Cas. Standing, talking, watching TV together (this one says “angel’s first porno!” with a bunch of hearts next to it). Comments talking about personal space (“he never stands that close to ME”) and the like. One of Dean in Bobby’s panic room where Dean has a speech bubble drawn on his serious face that says “Cas, not for nothing, but the last person who looked at me like that, I got laid” and then just a selfie of Sam pulling his bitchiest bitch face. 

Dean turned a little red at that, recognizing his complete obliviousness at the time, and kept going. The pictures continue, lots of fun-loving pictures of them on the road and the occasional movie or bar night, Charlie and Kevin and even Crowley and Rowena. But without fail, there is picture after picture of him and Cas sharing a publicly private moment, all with little snippy comments from his little brother. More than three of those comments are “Just kiss already!!!” Dean finally looks up to see Sam crossing his arms and staring at him with a smug, self-satisfied smile. 

“When the hell did you make this?” Dean sputtered. These are a lot of pictures, Sam must’ve kept them on his crappy cell phones for years. 

Sam blinked. “I started it in 2006.” 

“No, I mean, when did you go back and add all these bitchy little comments?” 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “2006.” 

Dean blinked right back. “But you… you’ve got all these dumbass comments about me and Cas.”

His smartass little brother started to smile then, a big shit-eating grin he wanted to smack off his dumb face. “Yeah, man, you weren’t exactly smooth about it.”

“Hey, fuck you, what does that mean?” It was said in jest, but Dean’s volume control went out the window.

“Dean? Sam? Everything okay?” Cas’s voice reached them from the other room. Dean sent an offended glance back at Sam before answering.

“Yeah babe, I’m just finding out how much I wanna punch my brother in here,” 

“Okay, well, leave it till tomorrow, it’s Christmas.” 

“Nah, isn’t fighting with your family a holiday tradition?” 

“I think you’re right. Okay, continue.” 

Now Sam was just watching him with such a knowing expression it made him annoyed. He was watching him flirt with his boyfriend- no, technically, husband. Oh yeah. He lowered his voice back down to a reasonable volume to talk to just his brother again.

“Yeah, so, I should also tell you-” He closed the book and set it on the counter. “We uh… Cas and I, we’re gonna get married.” He looked down at his feet and blushed a bit, could feel the rising heat in his cheeks. Honestly, he couldn’t believe he was saying that. He was getting married. To Cas. “Obviously, you know, we can’t really, with one of us being a legally dead terrorist and the other a former angel in the body of a missing family man,” Dean and Sam both  laughed at that. “But I asked him and he said yes.” 

“You asked him?” Sam seemed more surprised by that than the actual news. Dean shrugged and nodded. “Wow. Congrats, Dean, really.” Sam pulled him in for another hug, which Dean happily returned. “Can I walk you down the aisle?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “If anyone’s getting walked down the aisle, it’s Cas. He might get distracted by a butterfly halfway down, he’ll need the guide.” 

Sam grinned. “Come on, it’s not like you weren’t always gonna give me away.” 

Dean frowned at him. “Me? Why?” 

“Dean, you’re the closest thing to a parent I ever had.” Sam says it like it’s obvious, like he isn’t forgetting about-

“You had Dad.” 

Sam raised his eyebrows and laid a hand on Dean’s shoulder, making his big brother look him in the eyes as he repeated it. “You’re the closest thing to a parent I ever had.” 

Dean wasn’t gonna get choked up. No, he wasn’t, damn it. He’d made it this far in the visit without getting choked up, he could- 

“Sam?”

Eileen appeared around the corner, making them both realize how long they’d been away from the rest. Sam looked at her apologetically, signing Sorry. Dean was just telling me he and Cas are getting married! 

Eileen turned to Dean, barely giving Dean time to process a quick congratulations sign before she enveloped him in a hug. Dean laughed and hugged her back, pulling away to sign thank you. At least he knew how to do that. 

Big church wedding? Eileen teased. 

“Only if Cas wears a poofy dress,” Dean joked back. He only knew the signs for Cas and dress, but between that and lip-reading, Eileen got it. She shook her head with a grin and grabbed Sam’s hand. They all went back into the living room and to the rest for another round of hot chocolate and a marathon of all the Home Alone movies, per request. 

------

Dean snuggled into Cas’s side and ruffled a hand through Jack’s hair and he tried to think of something more perfect than having his family all together for Christmas. He couldn’t.

[anoutlandishfanfic]

Metamorphosis Chapter 27: Nesting

Huzzah!! I’m so excited to finally bring you Chapter 27!! You can catch up on where we left off in Ch26 HERE (since its been awhile), or head on over to the master list. Metamorphosis is also up to date at AO3!

The Premise: What if Claire had conceived on her wedding night with Jamie? How would that change the plot points we all know and love?

Ch27 fits in the Season One finale episode of the show, or towards the end of the book timeline. Claire and Jamie have OFFICIALLY left Scotland’s shores and are on their way to safety in France!

Claire. Midday, February 21st, 1744; Somewhere in the English Channel

I shifted cautiously on the outrageously uncomfortable crate my husband had deposited me on, trying not to make any noise, but it creaked and groaned just as much as my aching joints were at present — tattling my discomfort to Jamie, who I swore had batlike hearing.

“I have the bucket jus’ here,” Jamie commented cautiously from somewhere behind me, alluding to the fact that I had absolutely nothing left in my stomach after several bouts with the receptacle.

“Do ye need it again?”

“No,” I bit out as the muscles in my lower back spasmed, a band tightening around my waist with an increasingly bothersome intensity.

What I needed was to move around… to be able to stretch my stiff limbs and appease my offended muscles. I voiced this suggestion — a slow turn about the room with assistance — and a sudden, Scottish noise of amused non-committance sounded from my left.

Snapping my head in Murtagh’s direction, I found him bracing his weight casually against a post, one arm raised as he held onto a beam just above his head. The ship heaved just then and I could see the tendons in his wrist tighten as he steadied himself.

He caught my gaze and lifted brow as if to say ye’d fall on yer arse in a moment, lass.

I sighed, abandoning his support and craned my neck in search of my husband. The room was dim and stacked high with crates and bundles, easy enough to lose track of a bored yet always curious Jamie.

He’d made no comment in support or negation of my request, but was currently choosing to remain out of sight.

“What are you up to over there, anyway?” I eventually huffed when it became clear that neither of them had any intention of helping me.

“Ach, tis nothin’,” he tried to dismiss my attention, which piqued Murtagh’s in turn and drew the older man to his side like a magnet.

“Just a wee bit of putterin’ to pass the time is all.”

An amused sound of delight came from the elder of my two companions and I heard him slap Jamie on the back… hard.

Making no effort to hide my amusement, I heard my husband begin to protest the joyful abuse befallen him but his words were interrupted by Murtagh’s enthusiastic, “Now how’d ye manage that, ye wee fiend?!”

There was an exchange of heated Gaelic conversation — so overlapped that I was confident I’d have a hard time following even if they were speaking English — and then I quite suddenly found myself being lifted by my elbows and carted off to the other side of the room!

I objected strongly as my hips screamed in protest at their pace and was about to dig my heels in and balk completely when we came to a screeching halt before what looked remarkably like a bed.

“How the bloody fucking hell—“ my voice broke and I stared down at my husband’s miracle in disbelief, then turned to look up at him in awe.

“God, I love you, James Fraser.”

Murtagh cackled with glee at this and Jamie bent his head to kiss me in support of my declaration. I expected a quick peck on the cheek or a rather brief smooch on the lips — we didn’t exactly have the room to ourselves — but was taken aback by a kiss that made a thrumming warmth begin to grow between my legs. The heat spread across my hips and up my spine, loosening my muscles and made me feel quite suddenly completely and utterly exhausted.

I sighed as he pulled away, inquiring, “When can I crawl in?”

“Now if ye like,” one shoulder rose in a shrug and Jamie explained his construction plans. “That is, if ye dinna mind us building a wee fence around ye.”

“A fence?” I stared up at him incredulously.

“Oh, aye!” This came from Murtagh. “We canna have ye rollin’ aboot, now can we?”

Jamie caught the glare that his godfather missed entirely — being that he stood between the two of us — and bit his lip in a failed effort not to betray the mirth that clearly bubbled up inside him.

“Think of it more as a wee nest than a paddock, Sassenach,” he chose his words more carefully, then realized he quite liked them and patted my arm rather patronizingly. “A wee nest for my mother hennie, aye?”

“As long as I’m not a wallowing sow,” I grumbled, making Jamie choke in an effort to conceal a laugh.

This assuaged me a good deal and I felt myself smile a bit as I prodded him in the ribs, “Are you going to help me with my shoes or am I to track mud all over your beautiful nest?”

Jamie perched me on a nearby crate and knelt to shed me of my shoes. There wasn’t much to the flimsy things and what they were composed of was now completely sodden in mud and sea water that they all but fell off my feet with his guidance. He set them neatly aside and began to rub my aching feet, bringing warmth and a rush of blood back into the extremities with a burning pins and needles sensation.

I winced and his face contorted in contrition.

“Christ, I’m sorry, a leannan,” he crooned, keeping up his blessed work. “Ye deserve a proper bed and a fire ragin’ in the hearth…  no’ this lumpy mess wi’ barely even a plaid to keep ye warm.”

Reaching out my hand, I brushed the curls from his brow and cupped his cheek in my palm, “You know I’m not above sleeping on the ground.”

Though I thanked my lucky stars it wouldn’t come to that just now.

“And I have you to keep me warm,” I nudged him with my toe, making Murtagh cough behind me.

Jamie gave him a look, but his gaze softened as it returned to me, “Aye, well, I only wish I could give ye more.”

My hand moved to the place where one of the baby's heels pressed sharply against my side and I reached for him. His hand moved to mine, slipping beneath it to feel the life within.

“You’ve given me more than I could ever dream,” I whispered hoarsely.

…

Jamie.

“Lay with me?”

The flicker of uncertainty in Claire’s eyes cut me to the quick.

Did she really think I wouldn’t?

Nodding, I made quick work of my own filthy shoon and dropped them beside the entrance to the cove of safety Murtagh and I had built for her.

Her wee nest.

The thought warmed me and brought a smile to my lips as I gingerly crawled in beside my wife.

“Always, mo nighean donn,” I assured her, arranging the plaid around us both as I curved my form around hers.

It dawned on me in an instant that it wasn’t my presence she doubted… it was her ability to fall asleep. She looked dog tired and pale as any winter’s snow, but now that I had her in my arms, her restless spirit was made clear.

Claire shifted her hips, first this way then another, always finding it unsuitable and moving back… then tried adjusting her head and shoulders, first moving closer to me — I received a an accidental elbow to the ribs but didn’t comment — then away again, all without success until she was left completely spent and utterly exhausted.

I had loosened my arms around her, giving her full range of motion to seek the best position for sleep, but now that I knew this was an impossible task — I thought I might have a try.

Pulling her close without ceremony, I tucked her head neatly beneath my chin and curled my knees up to surround her completely. I felt the taut muscles of her back and shoulders begin to loosen against my chest as I twined my fingers between hers, our clasped hands resting gently atop the swell of our children.

A deep, shuddering sigh left her and I knew she’d not last much longer. I squeezed her hand gently, whispering, “I’ve got you, Sorcha… you can rest now, all is well.”

Another ripple of fatigue ran down her spine, her muscles slowly succumbing to the heavy weight of slumber and becoming limp. The vice grip on my forearm loosened, her head slipping back and resting fully against my arm. Her lips parted softly in that first sigh of sleep — in the way of hers that I found so irresistible — and I knew she’d not wake for anything save the second coming of Christ Himself.

I tucked a stray curl back into place behind her ear, brushing a kiss across her cheek, and settled myself more comfortably beside her.

My eyelids were growing heavier and heavier as I caught sight of my godfather. He’d positioned himself between us and the door, far enough away as to give us a measure of privacy but close enough to respond to a call for assistance at the drop of a hat. Everything about his rigid posture made me lose my resolve to stay alert beside my wife and sleep came crashing down around my ears.

It was a shallow, dreamless slumber — the sort where you know you mustn’t drift too far, should you need to be fully wakeful again — and I didn’t think I’d been out long before Claire began to stir in my arms.

She curled inwards, her knees tucking up tight against the swell of our children as a low groan escaped her lips.

The nightmare.

We were each cursed with our own nocturnal demons, but my wife found hers to manifest themselves in reoccurring dreams... the most prominent and prevalent being the one born in the depths of Crainsmuir’s Thieves Hole. It hadn’t stopped twisting and turning in these many months and I would be lying if I said my blood didn’t run cold when she’d tell me of the night’s latest development, sobbing into my chest as though both the bairns and I were truly gone.

“Shh, mo chridhe,” I murmured low, curving myself around her. “Tis but a dream… I’ve got ye.”

Her entire body tensed and her eyelids flickered, but she didn’t wake.

Sweeping away the curls from her brow, I gently brushed my finger along the curve of her cheek, intoning, “Ye’re safe, Sorcha.”

Claire’s eyes opened at her name, yet stared ahead unseeing. The muscles of her jaw worked as she clenched it tight and a short burst of air left her nose in a decided snort. Her hands moved restlessly, reaching for me but then drifting back to her stomach, only to roam up and down and nearly every direction at once.

I covered one hand with my own, twining my fingers through hers — not speaking again, but letting her know I was aware of her turmoil.

Her head snapped towards me at my touch, her eyes widening as wheezed, “Jamie!”

“Aye,” I shifted onto one elbow, bringing my face directly above hers as I hovered above her. “I’m right here… I’ve got you.”

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut again without comment.

Was she fully conscious?

“Claire?” I tested, gazing down at her in concern as her jaw clenched tight.

She didn’t open her eyes so much as a crack but let out a grumbled fuck from between persed lips. I dropped her hand, my own flying to her face. Her eyes did open then at my touch, ever so slightly, and she peered up at me in agony.

Something was terribly wrong.

“Talk to me, Claire,” I begged, my heart racing.

Shoving me away, she thumped the narrow space in front of her and groaned, “Move over here.”

I scrambled around her, careful not to jostle her from her current position but finding it near impossible to wedge myself between her knees and the wall of crates behind me. Somehow managing to accomplish it, I lay nose to nose with her and could now see her flushed face in startling clarity in our deeply shadowed cocoon.

Her breathing remained ragged, with drops of sweat gathering at her temples as she lay rigid in my arms.

“Tell me wha’ to do, mo nighean donn.”

“Make it stop,” her voice cracked, the jagged edge of her supplication knifing across my heart and flaying me wide before her.

My mind spun as my thumb caressed her cheek, wiping away the sudden dampness that I found there. Skimming my hand along her neck and down her spine, I found the fastenings of her skirts and had them free in a moment. I bunched them loosely around her, keeping her warm, but no longer restricting her. I moved to do the same for her stays, but found she’d already started the process.

Pulling the strings completely free, I flung the constricting thing to the side and took her face in my hands.

“A wee bit better?” I tentatively asked, knowing it was nothing compared to the turmoil inside her.

She didn’t respond, having instead retreated miles within herself in the time it took me to undress her, and I did the only thing I could think of to retrieve her.

Kissing her softly to begin with — not wanting to jar her and giving her full opportunity to refuse me — I cupped her cheek in my palm. She shifted, seeking more of me, and I grew more confident in my ministrations.

I slid my fingers into her hair and slowly gathered each pin, intently undoing the neatly coiffed style she’d worked so hard on this morn as I worked to rid the tension from her body. Setting my bounty aside, my hands traveled back down to her hips, digging my thumbs into the muscles that I knew continually plagued her.

A moan bubbled up from deep within her and I knew I was moving in the right direction.

“Aye, tha’s the way,” I crooned as her arms slipped around my neck, her nose nuzzling my cheek.

“Damn it, Jamie,” she sobbed against me. “It hurts.”

I didn’t comment, but nodded and kissed her again, keeping my hands moving as well. A shudder ran down her spine as she nearly swallowed me whole, finding suddenly a respite — an ability to draw from me that which she needed.

And I was only too eager to give it.

Slowly, ever so slowly, her arms loosened around my neck...the taut muscles beneath my fingertips became lax and Claire became limp once more in my arms.

“A dhia, mo chridhe,” I sighed, my lips moving against her neck, “ye scared the life near out of me.”

I felt her groan, her voice dry as she quipped, “Well, it was no picnic for me either, you bloody Scot.”

A measure of relief washed over me, hearing her vocal jab, but reality still hung heavy in the air.

“Tha’ was different, Sorcha,” I whispered hoarsely, my good fingers splaying wide across the curve of her children. “The other pains ye had at the Abbey… they were’na like that.”

Her grip on my arm tightened as she tipped her head back, needing to see my face as much as I needed to see hers. Lifting one hand to my face, her fingers deftly traced my cheek bone, her eyes gazing deep into mine. They were now free from the fog of pain, but instead of clarity, I found agonized turmoil.

I covered her hand with my own, curling my fingers around it as I turned my face to place a kiss in her palm.

…

Claire.

How I longed to close my eyes and slip back into that blessed, deep slumber in my husband’s arms… but every inch of me was now wide awake, whether I liked it or not.

I was now having bonafide contractions… whether I liked it or not.

Swallowing hard, I felt a shudder run down my spine and Jamie instinctively pulled me closer. I did close my eyes then, turning and burying my face in his neck as I hid from his gaze for a moment.

He knew — damn him — without me having to say it out loud. I was rather glad, for I wasn’t entirely sure I could say the word ‘labor’ aloud just now without dissolving into hysterics.

What the bloody hell are you going to do, Beauchamp? I mentally sighed against Jamie’s chest.

Was I really going to have to do this without a midwife? Twice? And while bobbing along in a dingy at sea?!

“Jamie?” my voice cracked, betraying my abject terror.

His hand traveled up my back, lifting to gently curve around the back of my head, “Mo chridhe?”

My mouth opened and shut like a floundering fish, no longer suffocating from the strength of my contraction but the size of my fear. A low rumble started up within him and I knew in an instant he’d heard my unspoken thoughts.

“Aye,” he acknowledged, softly kissed my brow. “But ye canna change things any more than I can make this ship sail faster… although, I’d get out and swim it to France if I thought t’would get ye there faster.”

I couldn't help but smile at that particular image and Jamie must have taken great comfort in it, for he continued.

“Tis my fault, ye ken… I should no’ have taken ye in such a manner last night.”

I snorted, finally moving to look at him once more, “If you recall, James Fraser, I brought you to that pool with the exact purpose of taking you in such a manner… so don’t you dare apologize for it.”

His shoulders began to shake in suppressed laughter and I narrowed my eyes at him.

“Care to share what’s so funny?” I poked him in the ribs.

“You are Sassenach,” he grinned, easily taking hold of both my hands to prevent future attacks and squeezed them gently. “Ye’ve never wanted me so badly… or so openly as ye did last night.”

“Oh,” I commented quite lamely, finding myself blushing for the first time in quite a while.

This made my husband laugh all the harder and I resorted to kicking him in the shins as he currently had possession of my hands.

“Will you help me sit up or are you just going to lie there and find humor in my depraved state?” I quipped, raising a brow.

Jamie eagerly agreed to this and dropped my hands, easily moving himself into a seated position before guiding me into the same. I sat beside him, swaying slightly, and realized a half a moment later that we were completely alone in the captain’s quarters.

“Where’s Murtagh?” an uneasy feeling began to grow in the pit of my stomach as I asked.

“Tis nothin, Sassenach,” Jamie tried to reassure me, but it was clear that he wasn’t overly comfortable with his godfather’s absence either. “Jus checkin’ in wi’ the Captain is all… he’ll ken how long til we reach Le Havre when he gets back.”

The urgent, persistent twinge started up again at the base of my spine and I swore under my breath.

“Too long,” I pronounced, reaching for Jamie’s arm and taking a firm hold of it.

He studied me for a moment, then nodded and took a deep breath.

“Then we’ll take it one step at a time… aye?” His hand covered mine, “Together.”

...

Murtagh. A Good Deal Later.

The door swung closed behind me with a solid bang, shutting out a snowy stramash unlike any I’d ever seen. The warmth of the Captain’s quarters rolled over me like the tumultuous sea outside its walls and I sagged against the door for a moment, letting it thaw my fingers and tip of my nose.

Hrmph, I snorted, wiping the dripping appendage on my sleeve and ridding myself of near an inch of snow and ice.

“Tis jus’ me,” I greeted, unable to see them from the room’s one and only entrance.

I heard movement and subdued voices, but no answer to my call. Frowning, I quickly navigated my way around boxes and crates until I reached them — and stopped dead in my tracks.

“Iffrin,” I muttered as I took in the pile of Claire’s discarded clothes and found her in nothing but her shift and Jamie’s plaid, clinging to him as if life itself depended on it.

Her time had come.

I raked a hand across my face and sank down onto the closest crate. It was lower to the floor than I thought, making it seem as though it weren’t there at all, and a wheezing oof left my lips as my hind end finally found it.

When I looked up, both Jamie and Claire were gazing at me with no small amount of amusement. I disregarded my godson’s jesting smile with ease and instead turned my attention to the young woman who had stolen both our hearts.

Her face was pale, with furrows etched deep in the usually smooth plane of her brow. The spark of amusement in her eyes was dwindling quickly and in its place grew a consuming agony that I couldn’t bear to see.

“Yer pains have begun, then, mo leannan?” I asked unnecessarily, my voice hitching at the endearment she’d earned in our time together.

Claire nodded, trying to give me her best attempt at a smile. It wobbled and faded as she pressed her forehead against Jamie’s, her eyes sliding shut as she commented hoarsely, “They seem to be in a hurry.”

My heart turned over, skipping a beat before clattering on again as I heard the Captain’s words echo in my mind.

We’ll be lucky to find Le Havre at all in this storm… twould be another day a’ least on fair seas, but now? Best be prayin tha’ my men dinna toss yer lady overboard to appease Neptune himself.

Jamie’s gaze found mine again, this time much more subdued, and asked, “What’d ye learn, then?”

I lifted one shoulder and tried to wave him off. It was nothing I wanted to share while Claire was in such a state.

“A goistidh?” he insisted, lifting a brow.

Taking his cue, I slipped into the Gaelic, telling him of my conversations with the Captain and his superstitious men. He took it about as well as I had, working to keep his frustrations in check as Claire seemed to regain some composure and alertness.

“I dinna think we’ll make it in time,” Jamie kept his voice even, but his unease was palpable. “We’ll have to help her deliver the bairns.”

While I’d expected as much, his second pronouncement took me completely by surprise and I burst, “We?! Ye canna be serious, lad! She needs a midwife, not a couple of numpties wi’ no idea what they’re about!”

Claire sighed heavily and I realized too late that I’d said that in English. I began to apologize, but she waved me off, interrupting me.

“You may have no idea what you’re about, my dear Murtagh,” she muttered, seeking a comfortable seated position, “but Jamie does because I’ve told him what will need doing… and you’ll listen to him and do as he says, is that clear?”

She’d stopped shifting to spear me with a look that had me agreeing in an instant.

The look of relief on her face was nearly my undoing and I assured her, “I’ll do whatever ye need, mo rùinean beag...  I promise it.”

Claire reached out her hand to me and I plucked it up, brushing a kiss across her knuckles.

“I know you will,” she whispered hoarsely, squeezing my hand. “You always do.”

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

Yandere! Minos Griffon: Head-cannons.

I’ve been wanting to do head-cannon’s for Minos for quite a while now, but the problem was I didn’t want to rush it and just spew out a bunch of head-cannons; because I didn’t think they’d be that great if I did that; but I watched the episode’s he was in again and with them in mind, I decided to write these. 

I hope you all enjoy these because I really love this series, The Lost Canvas specifically and I deeply believe that the characters in the anime, like Minos and, most especially, Alone, are not given enough attention. Plus I thought this would be a cool way for me to get back into writing since I haven’t written anything on here for a while. ^~^ 

Anyway, Please enjoy. ^~^ 

Warning: Due to the mentions of possibly adult subjects and dark and possibly triggering theme’s, this post is ONLY for those over the age of 18 only and not easily triggered. Minors please do not interact or read. Thank you. 

“ Entertain me won’t you? My beautiful puppet. “ 

As a judge of hell, Minos, the most sadistic and cruel of the three judges is one who delights in chaos simply because it brings entertainment for him--something that he has found increasingly difficult to find among his long life and otherwise boring duties as a Judge Of Hell-- but none more so than seeing someone or a multiple someone’s dance on the end of his cosmic strings to escape, no matter how futile that attempt may be. This only makes it all the more unfortunate for you when you happen to catch his attention, but it’s also something that at first inwardly shocks him when he finds himself interested and intrigued by a human, much less one without a cosmo.

Upon noticing this Minos will find it little more than laughable and you a passing interest who happened to catch his eye by chance when you, instead of cowering and begging for your life like the other humans, when your home was destroyed, instead stood up against him with defiance and resolve burning in your hues, how your lips curled up into a defiant snarl while you glared up at him with little intimidation and fear, regardless of how you knew he could easily kill you if he wished, despite your friends and family avidly advising you against it, something that was quickly met by anger by his men, who, outraged by your insulant tongue, quickly began moving towards you with the intent of silencing you. 

As much as he knows he should’ve simply allowed his men to kill you, he doesn’t and instead, with command clear and obvious in his voice, speaks against it, all while his gaze remains on you, his expression tinged with intrigue. Not giving any response to the confusion and surprise this causes in his men, Minos, silver eyes never leaving your face, approaches you, stopping only when he is standing directly in front of you. Primitively doing this as a test of sorts to see whether or not your courage and bravado would wither away once he stood before you, his intrigue only grows when it doesn’t, causing his eyes to narrow in amusement. Reaching out a hand of his, he takes a firm hold of your jaw amidst his cool, surplus clad hand and once he does, it’s only then that he sees the smallest hint of fear, by way he could feel your pulse quicken regardless of how that glare of defiance did not leave your eyes.

It’s then, while looking into your eyes and watching for any change of emotion, and listening to any change of pattern in your heart, like a griffon observing it’s next meal, that he comes to a decision: He won’t kill you. No. Destroying you would be too much of a waste, it would be too boring, instead, he’ll toy with you, play with you and see just how long it can take him to get fear to shine in those eyes of yours; until you're begging him for death. While he continues to hold your jaw in his grip, his lips curl into an anticipated smirk and before you can ask what he finds so amusing, his invisible strings are already wrapping themselves around your body, leaving you stunned for a long moment, due to knowing what that meant before your eyes shift back to that glare. The smirk remains, cruel and sadistic before his gaze returns to the people who had survived the onslaught he and his men had done, causing the town to be near rubble and when his gaze lands on one of your family members in particular, before glancing back at you, despite your best attempts to hide it, fear, more so for them, comes to you quickly, causing you to throw curses at him demanding he leaves them alone, to which he responds, the smirk still not leaving his expression and instead only growing as sadistic amusement dances on his tongue.

“ Whether I allow them to live or not is entirely up to you. Come with me like a good little doll, unless you want to watch as I break your friends and family right in front of you. “

It’s an amusement that only seems to be elongated upon noticing the way you deflate inside at hearing your family and friends beg the judge not to take you, including the ones who had shown courage and glares along with you but it’s a decision that you’ve already made, to keep them alive, despite how much you loathe the very idea. 

So beings your new ‘life’ although it is hardly what one would call life, stripped of your friends, your loved ones and your freedom, although Minos keeps you well-fed to keep his doll from death, the room that you are kept in at first is more so a dungeon than an actual room. Ensuring the comfort of a human is very low on the griffon's priorities after all and for a long while your sleeping arrangements will involve you sleeping on the cold floor with only your body heat to keep you warm at night. The most freedom you have is going to the toilet and bathing in the bathroom connected to your cell-like room and eating when he delivers you your food; anything else is off-limits to you to ensure no chance of escaping; and if you do try and escape, his punishments are cruel. One's which involve denying you clothes, or food until you beg him on your knees. Why he does this is simple, or at least, in his mind, as it’s to ensure you learn and accept your place as his doll and he, your master, one who gives you what you need to survive and can deprive you of them if you do not behave, it is all very dehumanizing, but a strategy that Minos believes essential, for his dear little puppet to learn proper obedience and it’s a method that slowly but surely works as, despite how much you tried to escape, defy and go against his wishes, the denial of basic human necessities atop of everything else quickly begins to eat away at your senses.

If he believes it necessary, Minos will not hesitate to break one or several of your bones with his Cosmic Marination, mostly to prove to you how powerless you are against him, or to escape him, before having those same bones mended and healed while you are unconscious, most likely due to having passed out due to the agonizing pain of the several broken bones. For a long while, Minos will purposely play and toy with you, giving you small tidbits of hope at escape, only to destroy them and then punish you for being foolish enough to believe such a thing. That this punishment is your fault. 

Yet despite how he enjoys knowing that he’s slowly breaking you down, a large part of Minos does not want to take that part of you away and have you become entirely submissive, at least, not entirely. Your courage and the will that burned in your eyes was what initially lured him to you, despite how he would never admit it, due to him being a rather prideful and arrogant man, like a certain god of death. To anyone who asks, be it his fellow judges, specters, or other gods, Minos will only shrug it off, referring to you as a means to keep him entertained, but he will never admit that his interest in you steams far beyond that of simple amusement, at least, now it does. His pride keeps him from admitting such a thing, but overtime you, his dear doll, have grown on him, very much in fact. Those moments where he will allow his fingertips to brush over your soft skin when he’ll thread his fingers through your soft, long hair; all while you're forced to sit atop his lap due to his strings; are moments that he has come to crave like the chaos that comes with every holy war. But that will be subject to change as his obsession with you, one that he will be in denial of for a large amount of time until the moment he finally accepts it, grows more and more.  

The strings will remain bound to you, but instead of you being kept in that cell-like room, you will now be kept in his private chambers, and due to how your rebellious nature and defiance has dwindled you’ll be given more freedom while you are inside of his room, but even then the threat that if you try to escape, he will hunt down and decimate your family as easily as he did your town, hangs over your head. You have no problems believing that to be true, especially with how keen he now seems to keep you by his side, often taking you to meetings he has with other judges solely to show you off. The means are cruel and sadistic, but it is one that, just like his initial treatment of you when he first brought you to the underworld, feeds into his sadistic side while also asserting his dominance once again, making it clear to you as to who the one in control is, despite his….Ill-advised but growing infatuation with you. 

How he will show you off will defer in two ways depending on whether or not you misbehave or behave. One is dressing you nicely, something that he can easily do given his authority and position as a Judge Of Hell, one of his arms being around your waist as he sits there with a satisfied and smug smirk, mentioning just how lovely you look, to both you and the other judges and the other is a far more inhuman way. Despite how he may find your stubbornness and defiance cute, Minos’s patience is not immune to coming to a grinding halt if he believes punishment is order and he will strip you of all your clothes, put a collar around your neck, and have you sit on his lap as punishment, the only thing that makes it less horrible is the fact that he sits you in a way no one can see the flower between your legs, only to whisper in your ear as you bury your face into his neck from shame and embarrassment, while his fingers thread through your hair. It is a means that quickly puts an end to any misbehavior; as you know, he can get quite creative with how he uses those strings of his.

This way of showing you off is one that is only given more cause by the irritating and annoyance he will feel; if he believes that you are acting ungrateful, especially with how kind he is now, or trying to, be to you. Letting you sleep not only in his room but also in his bed while ensuring your comfort while seeing to your needs and going out of his way to ensure that you had something to eat, instead of giving you food from the underworld. Things he would never even consider doing had you just been another human. During these kinds of displays, although you only see them as what they are, a type of punishment, your only relief is how he has yet to act on the desire you see whenever he looks at you in such a vulnerable and submissive state. Although you wonder how long it will be until that happens, despite how Minos has said, time and time again, that he’ll wait until you come to him.

If any of the specters that he commands show an interest in you, he will not be happy, but will simply give off a remark saying that it would be best if they’re interests lay elsewhere, but if that specter persists Minos has no problems putting that fool in his place. If the fool still does not get it and tries to so much as touch you, Minos’s strings will wrap around that specter's neck and snap it in half faster than you can say hell. You are his doll after all and the judge of hell does not take lightly to anyone, specter or human, trying to take what he now believes is his. 

“ You’re always so lovely when you dance for me. “