#i love them so much because you know they could fight someone but also freakin' love the others company

[dseerie]

My Thoughts On Why Astarion Acts The Way He Does

While I'm waiting for Baldur's Gate 3's cloud status to upload, I've been thinking. I've seen a lot on social media about people questioning why Astarion disapproves when your character wants to save the gnomes (since they are also under an abusive master) or assisting the refugees and how he is always wanting a reward instead of just doing something nice for the sake of it. And I've talked with people who have helped me put this into better words. At least I hope. So I wanted to explain my perspective as someone who was abused when a kid/teen/even early adult.

I fought my abusers whenever I could, figuring if it was going to happen, I'd piss them off, which was satisfying. But if someone started issues with a different authority figure, it annoyed me quite a bit because then I have another problem. And what if my abusers found out I was involved when I wasn't because someone I was with was upsetting the authority figure? It would become just one more issue I had to deal with. Too many details and nuances to keep track of when my mind needed to focus on the first problem. It made sense to stay on the good side of authority figures to keep myself safe and avoid trouble.

For me, something had to be worth doing or my mind just went back to worrying about sh*t, back to the fight or flight survival response. I needed that reward dopamine. Getting praises wasn't doing it for me, since I would forget the good because of the bad. Trauma brain is funny like that. I needed something physical and worthwhile to make me happy.

It's the reason why Astarion is my favorite character that I connected with the most. Not because of his beauty (not that he isn't an elegant elven man. Just that it wasn't what got me to like him. I'd lean more toward Gale or Wyll if it was by appearance for the male companions, though seeing Astarion half-naked with abs was a real shocker. I seriously thought he was a skinny elf 😳), but because he reminds me so much of how I was and how my thought-process worked. How I kept people away by being rude just enough without them wondering if they should say something to my abusers. Because no matter how many times I told people outright I was being abused early on, no one helped, only tattle-told on me.

And I haven't even completed a playthrough yet. I only just got to the Elfsong before starting a Durge playthrough. First playthrough was an asexual Tav to get to know the characters and storyline (I kid you not, I made my Tav a Charlatan rogue then discovered Astarion was also a Charlatan rogue when I was in the forge 😂). As I got to know them a bit more, Astarion intrigued me the most and when Patch 7 came out, I decided to play a Durge Romance. The first Durge both traumatized me up to Act 2 and made me adore and respect Astarion even more. So yeah, I'm romancing him on this Modded Durge Romance playthrough despite Gale having an interest in me, who is the male companion I would connect with if Astarion wasn't a companion (I'm literally just starting the Underdark area and Gale is already at 100 approval while Astarion is at 79 approval. I wish I had a library, I do have a cat, and I love me some white or pink wine 😋).

This is what my perspective of why Astarion acts the way he does. He's not bad, per say. What happened to him for 200 years has made him what he is. Nobody can fix someone else, but they can be guided to help fix themselves. I've been working to fix myself since I got out of the situation. And I want to be the one to guide Astarion toward fixing himself.

Both Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney (primary writer) did a freakin' incredible job in bringing Astarion to life and making him so believable to the point he has helped many to realize what they went through and improve themselves. Bravo, good sirs! Thank you so much!

If I think of more, I'll see about adding. For now, thank you for reading. I hope you have a great day. 😊

[lunerna21]

I FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO THE UPDATE FOR BOOK 7 AND I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED WITH HOW MUCH I ENJOYED IT

***SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 JPN SERVER AHEAD! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!***

***ALSO SLIGHTLY LONG POST AHEAD! MY APOLOGIES!***

UM CAN I MENTION HOW HARD I LAUGHED WHEN SILVER WAS TELLING THE STORY ABOUT FLOYD GRABBING RIDDLE'S HAIR TO SEE IF IT WAS HOT?!

AND JADE HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING WHILE AZUL IGNORES THEM!!!!

If they ever animate that scene, I'm gonna hurl from seeing Floyd just being catapulted off screen and Jade enjoying himself 😂

Floyd being so bored of his dream and just him swaying like the seaweed was freakin hysterical 😂

It just reminded me of this for some reason:

I mean it makes sense since Floyd is always up for a challenge and isn't afraid of basically anything, so of course Malleus's vision for Floyd's dream wasn't going to be very exciting

ALSO WE CAN TALK ABOUT FLOYD HAD THE BALLS TO FIGHT MALLEUS, LEONA AND EVEN FUCKING CATER?! CATER WIPED THE FLOOR FIGHTING FLOYD BUT I WASN'T EXPECTING CATER TO KICK ASS

HELL YES CATER!!

.......And then we jump into Jade's dream...

....The moment I saw how Jade imagined both Azul and Floyd...

AND THEN SOMEONE POSTED THIS ON TWITTER AND I ABSOLUTELY LOST IT

JADE BY FAR IS THE MOST HYSTERICAL CHARACTER IN TWST AND I CAN'T BELIEVE FLOYD HAD TO SEE HIS DOOFY LOOKING FACE LIKE THAT

I don't blame Floyd for duking it out with Jade I would feel the same if thats how my siblings imagined me lol

And finally, Azul's dream!!

First of all, AZUL WAS SOMETHING ELSE DURING HIS DREAMS

Azul being a coral rush player?! AND KINDA BEING JOCKY?! I wasn’t prepared for that! 😂

(special shoutout to Idia for throwing shade at his first image of a cocky player, that was 👌🏻)

JADE JUST GRABBING POOR IDIA'S TABLET AND GETTING AZUL'S SIGNATURE ON IT 😂👏🏻👏🏻

AND IDIA JUST SLOWING MOVING OFF TO THE SIDE THIS POOR GUY HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH 😂

When the mermaids started harassing everyone and knocked us over, I WASNT READY FOR AZUL TO CARE WHEN WE GOT HIT

I WAS A FREAKING MESS IM SO DELUSIONAL AND I KNOW HE'S NOT ALWAYS NICE BUT AHHHHHHHH HE WAS SO CUTE HERE (Ignore me I'm delusional and I've missed Azul so much 🥺❤️)

It was so bizarre to see Azul playing a jocky player and being popular in school, but once Idia explained that any negative moments or lessons Azul had to face (bullying, losing the contracts) were no longer a thought because of it only being a dream with no negative emotions

It’s still mind boggling how detailed everyone’s dreams are but terrifying like damn Malleus has so much power and yet he can juggle so many of them

After Azul invited us to the party and was INCREDIBLY NICE for someone like him, and Idia got suss:

I knew something was up, especially after he made everyone wear the anenomes for the party AND GRIM SHOULD'VE KNOWN BETTER HE WENT THROUGH THIS BEFORE WHY DID HE BELIEVE THIS

Floyd and Jade bouncing off Azul being a bully was soooo worth it

It's kinda scary how I preferred the old Azul, considering he wasn't a cocky jock straight from a manga/book ICK ICK ICK

AND THEN AFTER AZUL FELL INTO THE BLOT, HE WAS A PAIN IN THE BUTT TO CORNER I WAS SO IMPRESSED WITH THE PLANNING AND HOW WE HELPED DESTROY THE CONTRACTS ONCE AGAIN

But this devastated me 😭

It still must've felt pretty shitty having to go through that again, but I started to cry I'm just so happy Azul woke up from his dream 😭❤️❤️❤️

Azul's battle with himself! *chefs kiss* I love how they reference it similar to the battle from The Little Mermaid and how Azul's blot form began to grow

But let me tell you something:

I WOULD DIE IF I COULD FRAME THIS!! JUST SEEING THE GLOWING EYE AND AZUL DOING THIS POSE! PERFECTION!!!

ITS SO GOOD TO HAVE YOU BACK AZUL!!!❤️

This chapter was such a fun trip, and I'm so glad we're slowly getting closer to releasing everyone from their dreams

BUT ONE LAST THING! TWST INTENTIONALLY DID THIS TO HURT MY FEELINGS!

HOOOOOWWWWW DARE TWST FOR SHOVING THIS IN MY FACE I WANT MY BEST FRIENDS BACK SO BADLY AND THE FACT THAT THEY DO THIS CONSTANTLY AND ALSO GRIM BRINGING THEM UP IS JUST AWFUL

I MISS THEM SO MUCH I NEED TO SEE THEM AGAIN

NEXT UP, SAVANACLAW!! (RUGGIE I MISS YOU SO SO MUCH!!)

Enjoy the weekend~~!!!❤️

(Screenshots from https://youtube.com/@gasmask01?si=lpin67yaOvHDdg_c )

[theflyindutchwoman]

I have 3 things to talk about…

1. How nice it was to see Tim talk to the guys about his fight with Lucy. I’m literally shocked that he was so open with them! I love that he’s growing, opening up and confiding people that aren’t just Lucy and Angela (And Genny to an extent) he was so many friends now!

2. I am unable to move past how married™️ and sweet and domestic it is that Lucy calls tim to get the bugs at home 🥹 and how she suspected that he was just killing them but didn’t say anything and Tim was like pretending to set them outside even tho he wasn’t because he appreciates how empathic she is to even bugs 😭 I just can’t get over the idea that badass Lucy Chen is scared of bugs, well maybe not scared but whatevs, and makes her grumpy boyfriend take care of them but still insists he doesn’t just kill the scary bugs — do we think post Jackson death, pre-Chris she would call Tim over to handle the super big ones? Omg can you imagine? I’m dead

3. Can we talk about how the dance was like the biggest indicator we’ve ever had that these two are so FREAKIN TACTILE WITH EACH OTHER! Like it was kinda obvious before that their shared love language is touch, but I feel like you really, very clearly see that in the dance. And I just 😭 they love each other so much and just want to touch and snuggle and be with the other so much.

I am still very unwell. And I haven’t even processed the ILY’s fully yet so we’re not gonna go there 😂😂😂

Just when I thought I had recovered enough, you decide to send me this. This is a live footage of me right now :

. The 'bug scene' Listen, after the dance, this might be my favorite part of the episode. This scene was the cutest thing ever… and yes, it was peak married energy. Let's be real here : what is the point of having a boyfriend if it's not to have him take out the trash and deal with the bugs? (just kidding!). Seriously though… Lucy once said that she used to treat the coackroaches in her first apartment as pets (3.11 I think), so it's not like she is fundamentally scared of bugs. Neither is Tamara for that matter. She just wanted Tim to take care of them, in a very Lucy way. But the fact that she knew he was killing them all along but pretended not to know is perfect. Again, that is so her. And then, add the other layer to that scene. Out of all the questions she could have asked, she chose this one. I feel like it was her way of diffusing the tension, of making Tim more comfortable by asking such an innocent question, with no stake at all, before bringing up the real issue between them.

. Tim at the bachelor's party scene You have no idea how much I wish that part had been a little bit longer, so we could see more of the reactions. Still, I love how this scene was cut, with the back and forth between the two parties. How both of them needing to confide their frustrations to other people. And you're right, this is huge for Tim. At best, he would open up to Lucy (obv not an option here) or Angela. Maybe Genny. But certainly not someone like Randy who he barely knows and who can't keep a secret. Or even Aaron… His former aide. That's how much this relationship is important to him. It may have started as a way for him to vent but he also wanted to hear some advices. And he did listen to Randy's suggestion - of all people.

. The dance On the one hand, did anyone still have any doubt that these two are so tactile with one another? The undercover mission was all the confirmation we needed, really. But on the other hand… I didn't think it was possible for them to be even more tactile. It's somehow more intense, more intimate… It just shows how much they craved reassurance. They needed that touch to ground themselves. Lucy needed to play with his lapel and he needed to pull her in closer to him. And don't get me started on how she was playing with his hair or caressing his face. IN PUBLIC. There was no room for Jesus in that dance. She was looking at him the same way she did before 'naked times'… And where did they sneak off after that dance? 👀

[coycorry]

Sinedd’s redesign tw: HUGE OOC (canon sucks)

we all should agree that Sinned’s character is a huge waste of potential and, oh lord, I have so much to say that I don’t even know where to begin…

first of all why his writing is so poor? almost random I must say. he’s a person who just happens to be in all places at all times, making a conflicts happen for no particular reason EVEN WHEN THEY DOES NOT MAKE SENSE FOR HIS CHARACTER. for example in season 2 he runs “the sphere” himself (he obviously shouldn’t have a basic knowledge of how to do that) and writers just saying that his interest in it is money?.. like wtf why should HE care? why should he wants a dirty money like that, if he’s a freaking football SUPERSTAR. he have a reputation to destroy, you know. apart from that, he never appeared to care that much about his finances, even in 1st season when he steals m-ice’s football tickets they never let us know why he does that. if he wanted some easy cash, why wouldn’t steal some cash? so this thing must’ve been something personal, isn’t it? instead he steals those tickets, that are obviously shit and everybody knows that. sinedd could never manage to sold them, because even m-ice (mr. social butterfly who managed to bring tons of people to try Aarches football simulator) couldn’t do that. my point is that sinedd could never risk that much doing something obviously illegal like running a freaking fight club without strong motivation. and if he needed money THAT bad, then why they didn’t show us WHY.

all his 3rd season arc is a complete nonsense: why they ended up with mei? how did they started to date? for what reason? hating d’jok? is that even a reason? I wish I could forget this poorly written “family reunion arc” who just happened to not know that their son is a freaking football SUPERSTAR. and then he all suddenly changes for the “good guys” and becomes besties with d’jok who was bullying him for years (they were bullying each other). unbelievable. also, can you please remind me why they became enemies in the first place? ah, you can’t! because they never showed us WHY. how can I give a single fck about their cute little make up, if I don’t know how and why it went wrong?

I would absolutely love if he just makes a bit more sense in the show, and stop being stupid (not)evil dude for no reason. In season 1 I LOVED how he had a break down because his parents died in a war, and it’s very painful for him, even after so many years. that’s a very important message that writers could put in this character: some things just can’t be undone, but you need to let it go, so you can move on your life…

but sinned can’t, and this is his real conflict. not some stupid money.

he can’t live with his past, but can’t accept it, and as a result he can’t accept himself and how great he’s doing. he’s an orphan that become a football freaking SUPERSTAR. he’s a talented player, a genius in some way, that have mastered 2 fluxes in record time. he made it to final and semi-final of GF. but no matter what he achieves - that’s not enough because he still hates himsel. he’s worst than d’jock. he have no family or friends. he can’t get this freakin cup. and he can’t even destroy it, because he’s a coward… and then pirates strikes Shadows planet and he loses his flux and gets trauma in the sphere, so he can’t even play anymore. imagine HOW MUCH of a damage he got at this moment. like man he should’ve been mentally destroyed.

and I wish we could’ve seen that.

2nd season was the perfect time to show us sinned at the lowest point in his life. he was damaged by his loss in the end of 1st season so got depression. maybe he met a bad company, and he started to run “the sphere” with someone who claims to be his friend. they obviously using him, but he’s following them anyway, because he can’t stay alone with his thoughts anymore. he trying to fill this emptiness in a different ways, and that’s doesn’t help. obviously. until he meets rokket. not like they never met before, but in a new context, where they started spending lots of time together, both depressed and having good/bad time together. they get to know each other and open from a new side. they gain some sort of connection because they are compatible, they understand each others trauma and for the first time in his life, sinedd faces true understanding. then rokket quits, and it feels like betrayal, but the true betrayal only comes when he realises the truth about his “new friend” and “the sphere”

then he loses cup again and guys this is the real drama here, he should’ve been perished by that…

but.

instead he understands that he NEEDS to change. he NEEDS to get some help, because he can’t live like this anymore, and really, he doesn’t want to. that’s why he’s coming back to rokket after final, to congratulate him with his victory and apologise. for the first time in his entire life. if he can change it, it means that sinedd can too! (and rokket is literally the best person to help him with that, because how much empathy and patience he has). and then all the 3rd season sinedd, step by step, trying to change from what he was, but not everyone believes in that, because how much bad he did. but he will do it, by working hard on himself and his mental health. yes he won’t get his family back all sudden, but who knows, maybe after he change he will find a new one?

I changed his hair colour not only because it looks more cyber-y2k-ish, but to the show how unnatural he is in the beginning, and how he’s doing all this way to who he really is, accepting himself. no friendship with d’jok tho, NOW ROKKET IS OUR BEST FRIEND. I don’t want him to make up with d’jok, I want him to let go this childish rivalry and understand that he’s not worse or better, he’s just another. that’s it.

updated uniform for “the shadows”

[dollerinna]

Me low-key thinking about yandere Hughie and Butcher again. cw: Butcher saying that an author should kill themself

We've already established that Hughie thinks Butcher's recklessness/instability will get you killed, Butcher thinks that Hughie's quote on quote 'pussy attitude' will get you killed.

Reader met Hughie first.

Hughie most likely met you at a comic or retro video game shop. He was stressed and thought maybe seeing some cool old stuff would help. He bumped into you and he was like 'wow'. He got this weird feeling. It was the same feeling he got when he first saw Robin.

He nervously got your number (somehow) and tried to keep it from the others.

Of course Butcher found out!

"Oi, ya twink, how you get this darling's number? Seems out of your league. Ain't you fucking sweet ole orphan Annie over there?"

Hughie runs over and awkwardly waves to Annie and wants to jump off a bridge, for like the third time this week. (It's Monday for him.)

"Shh, we're taking a break! They just seemed nice, okay?"

"Doubt it. No chick like this would talk to someone like you unless they wanted something."

"Hey! I have charm. And charisma."

"You got just as much as the ugly ass duckling from that one book."

"I will take that as a compliment."

"No—I wished that fucking twat killed themself."

"It's a fictional duck, Butcher!?"

"I was talking about the author. No one should make such a shitty book and live."

Sooooooooooo the cat is out of the bag now.

It was just a shallow crush Hughie had on you until Butcher knew about you. Hughie started feeling oddly protective and possessive. Butcher doesn't know anything about you! Why is he being so nosey?

"Why am I even talking to you? I could get you killed! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

That you are Hughie, that you are.

Hughie continued to meet you in secret. You got in bad trouble with some people who wanted The Boys dead. Everyone had to save you.

Which triggered Butcher's ptsd from Becca. What the hell was the kid thinking!? Of course Hughie can't take care of you. He can't just throw you back out on the street. You look like a stray dog.

So you joined The Boys. (you had to join them. you had no choice.)

And it is just a constant fight between Hughie trying to impress you in his awkward, nervous boyish way... and Butcher sweeps you off your feet with flirtatious remarks and a protective presence always near you.

Butcher is scary dog privileges. Just make sure to keep a hold of his leash. Shut him up with a kiss.

Butcher obviously will kill for you.

Hughie would, but it'd kinda be like Translucent all over again.

Still... MHM

Imagine walking into some sketchy place and having Butcher and Hughie near you. Hughie got anxious so you are holding his hand and he's standing on one side of you. He's kind of leaning over onto your shoulder a bit. (He looks like a kid needing his mother's warmth and protection.)

Butcher has his hand around your waist. He's got his 'I will fuck anyone up' face. He's also glaring at Hughie and almost growling in anger. He's purposefully using cute nicknames with you 'darling, babe, doll- doll is his favorite'. Prince(ss) is the one where YOU KNOW smth is about to happen.

So you just have two boyfriends now. They won't leave you alone, but at least you're protected now. The entirety of The Boys is gonna have to be killed before anyone touches you. (Butcher and Hughie fight less if you are giving them equal attention, and Butcher is in a better mood-and they saw what happened with Becca... so it's a silent understood agreement.)

Trouble?

Get you out first.

Kimiko is usually the one that does so because of her abilities.

Okay okay I’m finally back online and of course this is gonna be the first ask I reply to!! And honest to FREAKIN’ god- this headcannon is actually so much more interesting and fun to read than the new episode they released today y’all 😭😭😭😭

Off the bat, LOVE the convo between butcher and Hughie. I could literally hear it in their voices so accurately 😂

I feel like it’d be a reoccurring argument too, no doubt about that. But especially with the parts where reader gets involved and dragged into their business just from (barely) being associated with the group. From that alone, the tension would heat up fo sureeee. ((Especially from Butcher’s side, cuz like you said “Becca”

But there would be tension in other ways too, like how Butcher could ensure their physical safety better than Hughie, which in return would make Hughie feel insecure and incompetent, even more so than usual. Meanwhile, the way Hughie is able to be effortlessly vulnerable and pour his heart out to reader would contrast starkly with Butcher’s own brutish and borderline cruel behaviors, since he’s not really known for his moral compass. And perhaps Butcher might be afraid it’d be a turn off for reader, which could actually be the case at times if he goes too far.

So it’d be a very interesting dynamic that would potentially strain their friendship on the occasion (which is already kinda a thing in the show to begin with)

But at the same time, this dynamic surprisingly still works pretty well though. I feel like they both can be “too much” in their own ways, so together they could balance each other out for reader. After all, teamwork makes the dreamwork yk 😭

Also kinda going off course here, but can we talk about Annie for a second? LIKE POOR GIRL LMAOAOOO. It shouldn’t crack me up but the way Hughie is brushing her off???

CRIMINAL. THAT IS CRIMINAL 😭😭😭💀💀💀

[polarisbibliotheque]

You are currently one of my favorite DMC writers! I love re-reading your stuff because it always puts me in a good, comfy mood! I just adore how you portray casual intimacy, too. It just seems so gentle and natural. I also love your portrayal of the boys. They always feel like they have a depth and soul to them, which is amazing!

Thank you so much for sharing your gift and your creativity! While I'll always eagerly look forward to your next piece, know that your older works are still regarded fondly 💖

And here I am today, 2 a.m, Carnaval going hard in Brazil, sitting here and smiling stupidly while re-reading your message.

Thank you very very much, anon. From the bottom of my heart.

I've read your wonderful message the day you sent it, I think it was earlier this week - maybe Tuesday...? I couldn't answer it before, but it came right in a day when all hell broke loose in my home and this made me smile so much. It really felt like a safe port.

I'm not gonna get into too much detail because it's very personal - but, you know, family fights. Between all my mom's siblings, involving lawsuits and home evictions threats. I was just fucking fuming the whole week, and I almost put on my full Axl Rose attire and side of my personality to literally drop-kick and suplex some 6ft tall man built like a brick house because someone has to put some sense in his head.

I'm starting to sound like Nero

To top it all, this gave the opportunity for someone in my family who abused the hell out of me for more than 10 years to come back like a freakin' death omen.

I did end up going to therapy dressed up as Axl Rose for Carnaval, but it's so close to my usual style no one noticed it. I count as a life-win.

I still don't know what I'm feeling, (I talked to my therapist, don't worry) but that fucking threw me off everything. I don't know what to do about this, about this person, I'm scared and angry at the same time - and I got so SO overwhelmed, I had to get away from everything.

Social media, exercising, drawing, writing, reading, just living like a normal human being. The only thing I've been able to do is listening to music, because music has always been my safespace.

The only way I could explain how I'm feeling to my therapist, is a scene from a Julia Roberts movie, where she forged her own death to get away from her abusive husband, only to be found in the end by him and have him go like 'you're never going to get rid of me' and the fucking horror in her reaction - that's it. That's the feeling.

I have this dreadful feeling that I'm never gonna be rid of that, of all that abuse I want to leave in the past, until this person dies or I die.

Amidst all that, along came your message in my inbox. It felt like a ray of light in a dark stormy skies. A glimpse of hope that things can be better and that people are good. That I can have that experience as well.

Whenever I write about some more sensitive subjects, I hope it can be seen as a safespace for people - right now, for instance, my survival instincts that have always been alert have gone berserk, and the gods know how much I needed to feel safe enough to hug someone and ask for protection.

Vergil is ominously standing in the distance, staring back with the resolve of Achilles in the field of battle to get Hector's ass

I don't have that, but I can have it through fanfiction with characters, I think, would understand it. And I hope I can give the very same thing to other people who also don't have that sort of support and need to find it somewhere else.

I'm happy to know my writing has the good, comfy vibes I always try to convey! Despite the death, blood and dismemberment

And I wrote all of this so you can understand how thankful I am - and how much your kindness and nice words are so much needed in this world.

So, once again, thank you. Very very much.

[onceuponalegendbg]

Thoughts During Nimona

Why not, you know. I have seen a few things on this site, so I know the general themes of the movie, so I thought I’d go ahead and check it  out.

Let’s do this.

Cool storybook intro.

I’ve seen it already but man this animation really is gorgeous.

Aww that’s sweet. Ballister and Goldenboy (I know that’s not his name) are cute.

Oh whoa! Queen just got shot! Who switched the sword?! I have a guess considering what I’ve seen.

Hi Nimona.

Oh, really messed up his arm.

“Are you disappointed that I’m not a murderer?” “I mean, a little.” I love them.

God the lighting in this movie!!

That entire escape sequence was stellar.

“Common” children, huh.

“Ah. A ‘don’t be alarmed’ alarm. Effective.”

Yeah I knew there had to be cameras.

I also knew this backstory was bogus. Lol Love it.

“Oh, no. Let me see if I can pass this problem onto someone else.”

Yep, Director switched the swords.

“This could damage people’s faith in the Institute.” No, duh.” “Look, the Institute isn’t the problem, the Director is.” .....Uh.... Bal I’m sorry man but... I’m with Nimona on this one.

Wow, Ambrosius having a bit of an internal freak out.

“Says the miscreant whispering in his ear,” says the Director as she whispers in Ambrosius’s ear.

“You changed the way you see me.” I’m on the verge of tears.

“We have a monster in our kingdom.” Yeah, we’re looking at her.

I knew it was Nimona when they started flopping all over the place. Lol This dynamic is cute though man.

“Metal.”

Something tells me that it’s possible that they’ll spin it that it was Nimona disguised as the Director.... We’ll see.

I FREAKIN KNEW IT!!!!! AND NOW IT’S MAKING THEM DOUBT THEIR OWN NEIGHBORS!!!!! FRICK ME!!!!

Ugh! NO I KNEW IT HAD TO HAPPEN BUT I DON’T WANT THEM TO FIGHT!

Now for actual backstory. The birds, the fish, the deer.... and the well.

The way she starts out as smaller animals just trying to swat and block the attacks coming at her before going to a horse or a bear because it’s the only way she might either defend or scare them off... and she’s still not even actually attacking them....

Gloreth....

Dude that “monster” design is dope.... Poor Nimona though.

“High five!” “Bro...”

Willing to fire on your own citizens. Wish I could be surprised.

Ambrosius really having his “Are we the baddies?” moment.

“I’m sorry. I see you, Nimona. And you’re not alone.” Whoo boy... I knew this movie was gonna get tears out of me.

Still gonna fire the big laser! I mean, I’m not really surprised but dang lady....

I haven’t mentioned it yet but the score is really good in this movie.

Yay! She’s alive! But.... man, I need so much more....

Wow, that was such a good movie. I had such a good time. Got emotional a couple times. I remember ND really tried to get this off the ground a couple years back so I’m glad they finally got the chance. So so good.

[madraleen]

Bungo Stray Dogs - Kafka Asagiri/Sango Harukawa Volumes 9-10: A Commentary; the one where I look beyond Dazai's pretty face for a sec (*anime spoilers and manga spoilers up to ch.114)

-AN ATSUSHI-AKUTAGAWA COVER, LET'S GOOO (it's so pretty)

-i feel bad for akutagawa re: how dazai treats him, i really do. it's not like chuuya who can give it back just as good. aku-kun is like an open wound when it comes to dazai

-the agency and port mafia have flip phones and mr richman francis out there be using The Iphone 

-IS THAT ODA IN THE BACKGROUND WHEN DAZAI TALKS TO KYOUKA! oh this is PERSONAL for dazai, damn

-i know they all have similar hands, but there's something about aku-kun's big frilly sleeves that makes his look extra elegant

-it's sweet how double black bicker very wittily, very creatively, and the new double black mostly just call each other variations of "idiot"

-"the painful words of the past have essentially nothing to do with who you are."

-this is such a silly comment, but there's this panel where dazai sits talking to kyouka and he has one foot firmly on the ground and one on his toes and that's such a small detail and i love it?? that they included such a small thing??

-genuinely, at least in my experience from watching it the first time, in the prettiness and novelty of the anime, the depth of the characters and of the plot flies over your head a little. yes, shenanigans, absurdity etc etc, but bsd is so much more than that, and it's so much easier to take that in when reading the manga, when you can sit with the panels.

-atsushi and aku-kun are so babies when they fight together, i can't :") someone protecc them

-HOW DOES EVERYONE HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY WITH EVERYONE, WHAT IS THIS CAST

-akutagawa always saving atsushi's ass, smh

-three consecutive atsushi bubbles are just "...!" and i love that. sometimes all you can say is "...!"

-"conquered herself," i like that

-I SEE YOU IN THE SAME PANEL WITH DAZAI, FUKUZAWA! REMEMBER YOUR BLACK SHEEP SON DAZAI, FUKUZAWA?! YOU BETTER REMEMBER HIM, FUKUZAWA!

-the fact that it took until vol.9 to explain why atsushi can now control his skill

-ATSUSHI GRABS KYOUKA-CHAN'S HEAD TO HUG HER, LMAO

-AKUTAGAWA LOOKS SO SMALL AND BABY IN DAZAI'S POV, A LITERAL CHILD OMG!

-the way atsushi is genuinely happy or sad for others.

-no wait, is kenji-kun saying cheers with a tomato?? yosano with an entire bottle?? who's holding a freakin jug???

-dazai, from the time he met atsushi-kun: ah yes, this new stray will be perfect for my ex stray

-FYODOOOORRRRR

-on their DAYS OFF, the agency flocks to the agency building's cafe. sit on that for a minute.

-"DAZAI-CHAN"

-THE LOVELY WAITRESS SMACKED DAZAI-CHAN'S HEAD RIGHT ON THE TABLE AHAHAHAHA

-listen, i don't want bad things happening to the agency, ever. but also, anything that discombobulates mr i-can-predict-everything-i'm-300-steps-ahead dazai-chan makes me happy.

-it's sweet how atsushi goes "dazai-san!" in his moment of panic when he sees the bartender's cut finger. miss doctor is right there, but atsushi calls to his number one senpai first, you know?

-you really do see the "anemic" part of fyodor, it's more pronounced than in the anime

-the trauma is strong with this one (*atsushi-kun and the orphanage director)

-dude, this is actually difficult to read. it's actually hard to read. (*the director's treatment of atsushi)

-it's just. it's so twisted, but atsushi and akutagawa are so good for each other. they're terrible *to* each other, but because of who they are as people, their natural behavior enables each other to save themselves from themselves.

-atsushi to aku-kun: "are you going?" no, he's going to hang around for tea and therapy. what kind of question is that, bb?

-there's something about dazai. you could say he's jaded. you could say he's calculating, sus, desensitized, moving strings. his guide to living is oda's guide to living, but. but there's still something so intrinsically nurturing about him. something so delicately caring. idk, that's how i perceive him.

-idk, i think one of the themes that comes out of bsd is "i'm not gonna save you; only you can save you; but you won't have to be alone while you save yourself." 'cause there's always a "we" implied in bsd. in every character's loneliness, there's a "we" that they belong to, there's people behind them, backing them up, reaching out in their clumsy, convoluted, twisted or unconscious ways.

-this is a complexity that's so important to me. "you were in hell and hell raised you right" and "you need to acknowledge both of these things, but you don't have to forgive any of it." it's a terrible thing to acknowledge, that something decent in you was created or reinforced because of something horrible that was done to you. it's bone-chilling. it's so important to me that atsushi can still cry/is allowed to cry/allows himself to cry over the death of his only (barbaric, unforgivable) father figure, even if he hated him, even if he can't forgive him, because he was such a huge part of his life, and that he doesn't have to explain why he is crying, if it's confusion or shock or relief or loss or all of those and then some; he can just cry.

and atsushi asks dazai what he's supposed to feel, and dazai doesn't tell him how to feel. he only gives him the facts. "you know what you know, an unforgivable and barbaric experience. here’s what you don't know, who that man was - not the monster looming in your mind, but an actual person. take that and do what you want with it. he was your father figure, and people usually cry when their fathers die, but it's you who gets to decide if that's you, if you consider him worth crying over." and atsushi doesn't have to decide. he can just allow himself to feel his feelings, without explaining them to us.

and i think that's very dazai of dazai too, 'cause that's what dazai does. he does his machinations and brings people where he wants them, but at the end of the day, the choice of what they do with their circumstances is always theirs. dazai makes highly highly educated guesses, but he doesn't *know*, he can't account for the unpredictability of humans, he can only adapt to it. he brought akutagawa where he needed him to be, but the choices were akutagawa's, from the moment they met. he brought kyouka where he needed her to be, but her choice to save the city was still hers. you could argue that they didn't have real choices since dazai brought them to a point where there could only be one inevitable outcome given their characters, but that's not true; isn't it dazai who says early on that there's always a choice? i don't remember, but there's always a choice. it's who they are that makes their choice inevitable (and in line with dazai's calculations), so in a sense it's a free choice that's slave to the characters' nature (my aot is showing).

-i have a soft spot for trench coat-less dazai, 'cause it's so casual. just chillin'. just botherin'. no hardships.

-i find it incredibly charming that out of work aku-kun is dressed in more casual clothes and not his usual outfit

-i'm sorry, higuchi is lovely. i don't know if it's her by herself, or that she acts this way for aku-kun of all people, but she's lovely.

-higuchi considers atsushi a "seasoned" foe, aw. seasoned. little baby tiger

-like, at this point "jinko" is just the port mafia's pet name for atsushi. not insulting or derogatory or anything.

-*shakes fist* FYODOOOOOR (right now he's one of my favorite antagonists)

-"HE IS SOULLESS. A VAMPIRE." lol, mori looks like "bitch what"

-FYODOR IS GNAWING ON HIS FINGER, IS HE DRAWING BLOOD, IS THAT WHAT HE IS DOING, IS HE ACTIVATING *IT*

-oh come now, he calls himself anemic too, SURELY (in retrospect) this is some kind of blood-related clue?

-oh, even i don't like this, smashing a bottle on fyodor's head. too demeaning

-FYODOR'S FACE AT HIS WET HAT

-if villain why so pretty, fyodor? hm?

-if villain why so funny, fyodor? hm?

-HE CUT HIS FINGER ON A PIECE OF GLASS. it's blood-related, it is.

-man, i can't wait to rewatch the anime with the benefit of hindsight

-seriously, maybe he transfers his consciousness to others via blood and that's why he's anemic and that's how he communicates with "the rats" when he's locked up. i mean, have we even seen a "rat"? maybe they're all fyodors, I DON'T KNOW (have we seen a rat?). maybe the crime is killing fyodor and the punishment is getting more fyodors, I DON'T KNOW

-WHAT IF HE IS NOT ENTIRELY LYING, OR LYING ABOUT LYING, "CONSCIOUSNESS AND SPACE," TRANSFERRING HIS CONSCIOUSNESS THROUGH SPACES IE PEOPLE'S BODIES- ch.114 has made me lose my mind

-imagine calling fyodor "stupid." how embarrassing for ace

-OOOH, fyodor knows about ALL the port mafia skill users oh no.

-whose blood is this, even? is it the kid's blood? it could very well be fyodor's blood, his hand is blocked by the kid's head. i trust nothing.

-wait... fyodor is "soulless"... and tells the kid "may your soul find salvation"... coincidental soul references? I TRUST NOTHING

-i thought the read would go by faster, but no, i actually need time to process, even though i already know the story

[wavernot4love]

alright y'all lil (alright, maybe not so little) recap of the second show of AG's Boom Done tour last night 3.4 in Buffalo @ one of my favorite venues, Mohawk Place. because my brain commits absolutely everything to memory at shows & i like writing it all down before i forget

(for fun & plus maybe folks going to this tour want to know what's shakin, since i haven't seen much online yet):

(note there will be setlist spoilers)

- alright so first, a freakin HIGHLIGHT for me was, of course, GET OUT!!!

Anthony was just kinda messing around with his guitar & then teased it by being like "hmm... how should i play this..." and then went into that and the crowd reception was AWESOME, dude. whatever the opposite of masking is, that's what i was doing there. i definitely started physically jumping up & down once i realized what it was (typical wavernot4love @ the AG show behavior). aka evidently he knew your boy (who like i've mentioned on here, got into Circa last summer through a kind person at a Dunes show rec'ing me Get Out & then BSN. Get Out was straight up my introduction 2 Circa) was in the building (/Ih).

also, i had to shorten my clip to post because in the rest i must've had my phone right next to my mouth,,, which made for some horrifying tone deaf live vox from wavernot4love. be glad i spared y'all from that one.

(i'm gonna put one of those keep reading thingies here, click it 2 see the rest)

- he also played Dyed In The Wool & Frozen Creek, continuing that theme (though I expected these more since he's played em recently). Dyed In The Wool with everyone singing along during the chorus was probably my top moment, and one that's gonna stick with me forever, honestly. i remember thinking it straight up felt like, a churchlike (but positive) experience or something during the songs everyone did that for (remember, it's just anthony this tour no backing band, so it was somewhat quiet in there). more on that later, but AG kept pointing out how nice the singing along was & how fun/awesome this all was, and man, that it was.

- he mentioned valuing spontaneity over a planned setlist every night and basically implied he was just goin for whatever felt right at the time. so just consider the songs i mention here as a basic guideline, he could very well switch stuff up every night. i love that he's like this when it comes to shows - idk dude, like, at one point he even asked folks what time it was, laughing when they told him, jokingly accusing them of being untrustworthy & then going right back into the tunes. dude was just here to play, for as long as he could.

- kinda tied to that, there was a running gag of the set being "inconsistent" (his word). he'd bring up jokingly that there'd be moments where everyone could be singing along, and then songs that nobody knows (and he'd jokingly "apologize" for that), and he'd even (lightheartedly) call specific people out and be like (to laughs) "look at this person, they have no *idea* what i'm gonna play next!" actually i think he said that before Get Out. at one point he was (paraphrased slightly) like, "so if i start playing 12 Circa songs in a row, let me know." i love how he just does whatever the hell feels right in the moment.

- also a couple times he messed up while starting a song (i think due to laughing) and bro would call out folks laughing at him for it (lightheartedly) and be like "this is all performance. vou don't know what goes into this!" (this was not at all serious and said through laughter. straight up half the show was all of us in that room just cracking up together)

- he introduced his Title Fight cover (Numb, But I Still Feel It) by calling TF one of his favorite bands & joking that they're gonna hear this & think it's time to get back together so... if you hear that Title Fight reunited, you know why, which, well, if you know that side of the scene, you know what's up. real shits and giggles moment, if i do say so myself.

- at one point (only bad thing) someone at the front was being objectively Weird in the way people (unfortunately) do to try to get an artist's attention (let's just say it involved throwing money (????? literally what) while yelling stuff about understanding because they're in the industry (??)) and he honestly handled it with so much grace. he pretty much said that made him uncomfortable etc and he would Not be taking more of their money please, he already did that, and that led to him ranting for a second i think mostly to himself in a thinking out loud/under his breath kinda way about *hating* having to sell stuff in the first place in order to do this and like,,, i go into this a bit in the tags but it genuinely reminded me of how i get when i'm passionate about something. what i'm trying to say, is dude clearly was heated & meant it. fully. just felt relevant to include

- then he ranted about something related to the moneythrowing, drunk (question mark) weirdo (long story, but it ended in him telling them to tip bartenders with their money instead of weird things), then used that to go on a tangent about how we should always tip people working in service in general and respect/be kind to them even if they seem rude or whatever because doing that shit is hard & sucks and maybe your kindess will be the wakeup call that causes them to one day have a moment where they're like, man, i was a dick back then for no reason. (i feel like i am nearly direct quoting him here)

- then after a song he joked about the incident saving we were probably just all watching like 🧍‍♂️ and it was like watching dad yell at mom at the dinner table while you just sit there staring at the ground and safe to say the mood was fully lightened after that moment of self awareness fhfhfh

- then a few songs later i guess the person that was being weird had left so he was like, (at this point there were no weird vibes whatsoever, like we were all just scoffing/laughing at the situation and cheering him on) "oh that person who hates me left. did they give the bartender that money?" (someone implied they thought so) and he was like "good." and that was the end with that weirdo situation lol. i have absolutely no idea why that person, drunk or not, thought that was a normal cool thing to do. as always, please don't be weird 2 musicians they are in every sense just Some Guys (gender neutral), treat them like anyone else.

- back 2 totally unserious things, during... uh don't mind me, like i've said in my previous posts i'm still getting 2 know Boom Done, so whatever song has like, the horns kinda near the end? he just started making freakin. horn noises since since there were, in fact, no horns in the building and made us all do them too and everyone was just straight up cackling because it was so stupid (/pos).

- idk one thing that stood out to me was one person belting along at the end of... i can't remember what song it was actually, i think one of his older tunes, but you could tell he heard & a song later complimented it & said it was beautiful. i'm telling ya, he kept going on about how nice folks singing along sounded and encouraging that, which was awesome because i wasn't sure what the vibe was gonna be there since it was just him playing.

- don't want to go into detail since it feels like something between Anthony & whoever he decides to tell it to in real time, ya know, but he did tell a pretty extensive story leading up to Miracle Sun. in terms of themes, it was in regards to (with plenty of laughs mixed into the serious bits, of course) letting folks that matter to him down + falling into a cycle of engaging in stuff that temporarily made him feel better but was moreso just self destructive, in the past. just interesting stuff to hear in connection to a song.

- at the end, before Dear Child, he just talked in the most honest manner about knowing he's let people down, cancelled shows (there were laughs mixed in here too), just not been the best version of himself over the years etc, but appreciating how long everyone has stuck around, and how we keep coming back, & jow much it means whenever we tell someone go check out a song or anything like that, & helping him continue to do this and also support his family and whatnot and man it just. embodied everything i love about AG solo sets i guess. i just admire how open a book &p vulnerable dude is. while i love his more theatric frontman persona of course as it's fun as hell, it's so nice at solo shows like this to hear more from him, in seriousness and otherwise. also dude was posting about how fun it was on instagram later so i'm just glad we all had a great time.

- also at one point before a new tune he was talking about these cds he had that have that on it + some rerecordings, Frozen Creek (feat. Keith of GOW), etc. i love cds so i ran to snag one later of course (they're $12)

- as for other merch he had a few shirts (like that cute one i keep seeing around, with him & the puppy), some art prints, & the Boom Done book thingy (i really wanted it but couldn't swing the $25 right now sadly)

anyways,, i posted on Setlist FM for the first time, here are all the songs i remember for sure (there were definitely at least 4/5 others i am not thinking of, i'd say he did 17ish songs, he played for close to an hour and a half. keep in mind he talked a LOT with us which was awesome)

edit: someone added a few more!!!

anyways, that's the show!!! 1. i may or may not be trying 2 figure out how to pull off one of the other northeast dates (looking @ Cleveland, which is closer but i'd have to drive to, or New York, which is further (+ yknow.. dealing w getting around in NY) but i could take a bus to, this weekend/next week as we speak,,,, that's how freakin good and homey (more on that in the tags aka uhh literal diary section of this post) and impactful this show was.

and 2. if any of this (especially said tags) sounds loopy it sure is because i wrote most of this at roughly four am last night post show, when i was even moreso still back *at* the show in my head. i still stand by all of it though of course, i just know it might not be the most coherent.

this tour rocks. AG's tunes mean so much to me. get out 2 a show!!! tell me about your experiences if ya do/did!!!! yay!!!!

[pb-loves-owls]

speaking of school au’s though. hb school au below cut

blitz would totally be more of a kinetic learner. Needs to move and touch things and see them all splayed out kind of deal. Needs to be able to say his thoughts out loud in order fully immerse himself into the assignment. Maybe also use special interests to keep him hooked? he’d do great in biology and physics if he focused on how horses move and work, also picking up other bits of knowledge about other stuff. bc sometimes when someone is super into something and hyperfixates on it, the things around it also get soaked in.

It is 100% how I managed to pass my math classes. Just focused on numbers divisible by three and five.

He’d also love history class but struggle in his grades with them.

Stolas would benefit from standard academia in controlled classroom environments. Of course this never happened in the show But. If he had grown in a space surrounded by peers, some would Eventually Hopefully become his friends, and he would’ve strived and had more confidence. He’d also learn about boundaries, which could potentially protect him from Stella. or at least some of her abuse. He’d do great in all his classes except maybe history.

Moxxie would probably be the same as Stol with a bit of Blitz. I think he’d be best working with visuals and sounds. Like audiobooks! Either in place or alongside paperback. For Lit classes. He’d probably strive in language arts and stuff. He’d be too nervous to join a sports team but would actually be great in it. It would improve his ability to work in teams. I don’t think he works well with others. Not because he wouldn’t want to, but because of his general attitude. Snobbish but self conscious, gets pushed to his limits easily, argumentative in a not helpful way.

Example: saying to Loona “Can’t you do anything right” is freakin harsh my dude. I mean. I get having a coworker who’s difficult to work with. But back up a second and see her as a person first. Bc okay, you see someone who is acting out from stress. You know you can’t make that better, and you can’t change them. The only solution that will be good for both of you is to back off. Antagonizing them is just asking for them to push back.

Millie, without Mox, would be an awesome student. And competitive. Which can be friendly competition (probs against Stolas) or with the purpose of annihilation (Striker). I think she’s more emotionally intelligent, which would be great in team sports where you gotta understand one another enough to work together. which doesn’t involve liking each other one bit. Just makes you respect your teammate enough to help them when they get hurt on the field. Her morals are way stronger than her anger. I don’t think she’d actively hurt someone just to hurt them. She’d probably be great in group projects. Maaaybe decent in math? So-so in history and language arts, fucking baller in science class.

They’d all meet in an after-school program for environmentally challenged kids.

Stolas, despite having straight A’s, would still struggle making friends and speaking up.

Blitz would struggle with grades even though his hand is always the first one up and he gets all the questions right. It’s the homework that’s a problem. “So why give homework if he’s already good???” Because sometimes schools just make you. It’s not always up to the teacher. We don’t have as much power over what we give and teach as people think we do.

Moxxie would be much of the same but be resistant in participating. He acts out a lot after the loss of his mother, same with Blitz.

Millie is there for the free food, mostly. But she’s really supposed to be there for anger management. She gets grouped into shit she has nothing to do with easy. Fighting bullies who are on another kid and getting in trouble instead kind of a deal. “No Sir see, he was beating up little Timmy so I defended Tim by beating Chad with his own skateboard. Because if he gets his board broken then he can get a whoopin from his ma”. She’s a well meaning menace and we love her. Her family loves her too but they worry about her getting in serious trouble with the wrong people.

Loona is baby still we don’t see her yet.

The program is like group therapy. They talk, do homework, hang out, get to know each other. They build connections that they wouldn’t otherwise. It’s not a part of their respective schools, but the program itself is advertised widely in every school district in the Pride Ring.

Might think of an HH version later.

[chrisevansstitties]

Exactly, for Raven & Beast Boy they were opposites in a way that worked. It fit the narrative & developed them both as characters. Wednesday being with Enid or even Xavier would just be shoehorning in a romance that makes no sense for the characters otherwise. Even in opposites attract they find common ground. They can't just be opposites that care about each other.

Yes, the reason people love Gomez & Morticia is even with their morals being questionable af, that never got in the way of the way they love each other. And with them being the exact opposite example of the traditional nuclear family the way they love and adore each other is the healthier relationship. But that doesn't mean they're morally sound people in general.

Don't get me started on the hug. I once saw someone on here say that the fact that sure Wednesday kissed Tyler, but they never hugged. She didn't caress Tyler she just "blankly," which is the lie of the century, leaned forward for the kiss. So, her & Enid's hug was the only form of requited physical contact Wednesday has had. Since when is a kiss more intimate than a hug? Especially for someone like Wednesday who not only doesn't like physical touch but also adamant on her refusal to partake in any form of romance when we're first introduced to her in the series? I don't want to be mean but that was just dumb. And if it happened the other way around I can guarantee you that person would've never said anything about that if it were Tyler who got the hug & Enid was the one she kissed. The denial is real. It makes no sense. What does make sense though is what actually freakin happened. The hug was huge but only in the way that it was a big development in their friendship. Shit, it might only be a one time thing for all we know. If Wednesday would've denied that hug she would've been a worse asshole then before. Enid was covered in blood from a fight with a Hyde. It was the first time she even turned and it was to help her friend. Why wouldn't she hug her back? And the fight they had was just two friends. I wanted to see something in it too my first watch. Because going from thinking they'd be a real ship in the show to going the whole season & not seeing anything between them damn near the whole season I was hoping it'd move me. And I'd finally get the chemistry I thought they'd have since the beginning. And it was underwhelming to say the least. Even when they made up there was no romantic tension. And then Enid admits to Wednesday about gossiping with Thing about her date with Tyler. And she told Wednesday where he was so she could find him because the date got cut short. Even Enid was shipping her with Tyler in that moment.

The fight was just friends being frustrated with each other. Wednesday being stubborn & unwilling to change. And Enid being utterly disturbed by Wednesday's habits, suggesting she change & try be less dark, being way more considerate of Wednesday's feeling than Wednesday does for her, & giving Wednesday so much leeway to the point where it takes Wednesday putting Enid's life at risk her her to break & realize that she's doing so much for Wednesday, but seems like she doesn't give a damn about her at all. And people are say they want these two characters to be in a relationship? That this is the healthiest relationship on the show? So, no one sees this a toxicity and how much worse it would be if they were romantically involved? But Weyler shippers are the ones romanticizing a toxic ship, right? But Wenclair shippers can glorify a fight between two characters & call it romantic tension... but that's not toxic. Yeah... okay.

With Tyler he never asked her to change. She'd say something out there, and he'd maybe give her a curious look and a comeback and vibe. He enjoyed her and just went with the flow. He was intrigued. And his attention to detail about her interests was unmatched.

Aw, why don't you like Joel? It was a cute puppy love relation in my opinion. But yeah, Gomez & Morticia would love Tyler. He'd be a welcome addition to the family. I'd love to see them work together & help him start to control himself. I'd love to see him fit into a family dynamic. I think he needs really needs that.

You can talk to these people until you're blue in the face. Give them every detail from the show scene by episode by episode, scene by scene, even frame by frame and they'll deny it. And call you the crazy one for liking the character or ship. It's not that it's not there it's that they don't want to see it. They don't want to see that they're wrong & Tyler's not some plan evil character. First they'll say he's boring bland, but how can he be when he's literally a Hyde, so how can he be bland? Then they'll say well he's evil & murdered people, you can mention to the Addams family lore and how Wednesday literally tried to murder people in the first episode, next they'll say she had her reasons, so then you bring up Tyler's reasons being abused and tortured literally having no chose, and they'll switch to something else going around & around then we're back at the same conversations all while they claim you as the delusional one.

I was thinking the same thing. They must've gotten a different version of the show delivered directly to their doorsteps. Because even me expecting to come out of it a wenclair, I watched the show, saw that there was no real romance chemistry between the two, came online seeing people gushing about how Enid & Wednesday are so in love. And even some Waviers talking about how Wednesday blinked the most around Xavier so she's secretly in love with him, and just sat there confused. At first I understood the Tyler hate. I still liked him but I could get it a little bit. But then after rewatching & paying more attention I realized he's more of a victim than I thought & deserves a lot more love then he gets from this fandom.

Yeah, shipping is fine but you don't have to force it. And that's what I don't like about wenclairs. They force the ship to the point where they change the whole narrative of the show to frame it around them two. I once had a back and forth with someone on who was changing all the details that actually happened. Basically saying Wednesday never cared about Wednesday never cared about Tyler or even Xavier, she never had romantic feeling for Tyler, she kissed him because she felt sorry for him. And once I proved all her points wrong she ended up say, "well I just don't like Tyler & I hope he dies," which is harsh but she's intitled to that. But changing the whole storyline of the show and trying to argue someone down with false claims isn't going to help anything.

I'm not opposed to Bianca & Lucas I just want them to slow down and show the audience the development. I don't want most of their relationship to be offscreen & then we as the audience just have to accept that. Which is what I felt when Bianca told Wednesday to follow her & she leads her to the secret library the Nightshades hideout in and Lucas is already there. It happens in episode seven btw.

I think Bianca can be good with Wednesday though. Only because Bianca was willing to talk to Wednesday. That moment outside of the dance even though she was jealous and upset she still respected Wednesday enough to sit down and have an actually conversation with Wednesday. I think if they were to get together she would make sure Wednesday talks to her about their problems. And do it in a healthy way. She's not going to tiptoe around Wednesday. She'd be direct & I think Wednesday would respect her for her bluntness, and therefore be open to listen to her more & willing to open up herself. That's my perspective on it.

Can we talk about how Wednesday was in the most none triangle love triangle ever? Like, Wednesday and Tyler were doing their own thing meanwhile Xavier was just kind of there. Now if Wednesday liked Xavier too that would be a proper triangle, but that’s not what played out. She was always upfront with him that she was there for Tyler. He was just guy on the side who had a thing for a girl who’s into someone else. It was never a triangle. It almost confuses why anyone calls it a triangle at all.

[hcnnybcnny-archive]

I BELIEVE I DID IT BEFORE BUT ✿✿✿

        &&. CRIMSON & HONEY. 

@krupnick

  1. Honey & Jess were most likely a huge hit as a duo performing act. Honey was the Looney Gal that was known for her voice. Singing and performing upon stages. her voice shining above the others of the gang as it was easily recognizable. Known for the way she could change accents and perform all sorts of dances or types of song styles. So it would be of no surprise to many when Jessica and Honey would dominate the stage together. Their duets and songs were well known. Honey often mid-routine swirling in true toon fashion to appear in a tuxedo as she took the lead in dances despite her size. She’d sweep Jessica around and dip her to the floor. Never missing a step, a lyric, keeping in time. She especially loved doing the tango with her. Not many would expect it given the height difference but they were truly a sight to behold. And Honey’s comedic expressions often made even the most serious of songs and dances come across as funny. But you knew if they were on stage together the show would be one not to forget. The dancing, the singing, moving in time. How even with their heels or how fast-paced the dance they’d move in ways the golden age celebrity humans could only dream of.

   2. There’s always been a fierce protection between them. Even before Honey’s ‘disappearance’ she was always protecting Jessica and vice versa. They had both went through a lot in their years. So these two girls knew the struggles of having to live in an era as such. They both went through hell and kept fighting. Clawing and kicking and doing their best to reach their goals. It’s no surprise their loyalty and protective natures of another come to mind. Protection over everything. But they’ve always been the type to beat the hell out of a guy for making comments. Jessica deals with it a lot and so has Honey. There’s been numerous times a man has made snide vulgar remarks and Honey and Jessica just pause. There’s a brief silence as Jessica slowly pulls the bat from her cleavage and Honey carefully pulling her carrot-themed dagger out. The look on mens faces when they turn around was always quite a sight. Sweet as sugar smiles with weapons raised is enough to cause even the most badass of toon or human to feel that shudder run down their spine.

 3. Speaking of fierce protection? Cute thing to imagine: Jessica stopping Honey from fighting people because she knows Honey would kick their ass and boy that’s??? Nice 10/10 Jessica just eyeing that shit up. But sometimes it’s just ‘HONEY NO WE HAVE TO PERFORM KICK THEIR ASS LATER’ or ‘NOT AGAIN HONEY YOU JUST CLEANED YOUR DAGGER’. So Jessica just easily scooping the small Bun up and over her shoulder as Honey points with a menacing look. All the while yelling at them as Jess just twirls her blonde hair or pats her back to calm her. It usually just ended with Jessica giving her a smooch on the cheek and Honey being so flustered she’d just hang there limply in the others arms with a dumb look on her face.

 4. Because of Honey’s numerous redesigns, plus Jessica having dealt with the same thing, Jessica was one of the few people that saw Honey just after she was redesigned. Honey went through so many changes. From Mrs. Bugs Bunny, Daisy Lou, to her classic comic yellow design ( which was grey at times also), to pink, to a light brown, then back to pink, before grey again. Not to mention her numerous hairstyles. How she’d have hair, not have hair, whether she was blonde - redheaded - white haired. Jessica sympathized because every time it happened Honey would have the worst breakdown and feel she was never going to be good enough. So whenever she got redesigned? Jessica usually was the first to see along with Daffy. Honey often kept it a secret from Daffy how much it bothered her. But Jessica saw through it and would let Honey break down against her and would constantly over hype how she looked. Jessica made sure Honey never felt ugly in any of her designs and each time Jessicas soothing words and support was her greatest help. The number of times Honey stared at herself in her dressing room mirror with a saddened look only to brighten up when Jessica came into the reflection, leaned down, and hugged her close while calling her beautiful? More than Honey can count. Without Jessica Honey probably would have lost so much self-confidence and likely wouldn’t have succeeded as much.

 5. Honey had a lot of struggling with her sexuality during the earlier years. She was created for a man! She was supposed to appeal to men. So liking women was so foreign and frankly frightening to her. But she could never figure out why Jessica kissing her cheek made her ears spring up into hearts or why she’d melt into a puddle. Why Jessica twirling her ear caused her foot to thump wildly. Why, during performing, certain women watching her made her flustered. It was probably a huge relief when she talked to Jessica and found out she could…. well, she didn’t have to just like men? That she didn’t just need to be a bunny for mens fantasies. Also Jessica was so proud of Honey when she came out. Picture her, Honey, and Daffy at pride together. The Bi-Bunch on a roll. Jessica even made her a ‘bi-bi-bunny’ shirt and had to resist laughing as Honey kicked the door open wearing only it and posed dramatically in the doorway.

 6. They had the most amazing sleepovers. They would wear matching robs. Jessicas hair in curlers. Honey’s blonde hair in curlers and her ears also. Taking baths together as they painted the others nails. Dancing together in the kitchen. How Honey, back when she sucked at cooking, would cause the thing she was cooking to explode and Jessica and her clutching another and shrieking as the bubbling mess grew until it popped and coated them. ( As the decades passed and Honey actually became a pretty amazing cook? They totally would bake all sorts of yummy treats together ). They’d wake up early and hit the town. Going shopping or to the beach. Wearing matching swimsuits or accessories. Honey, being the athletic type, would help Jessica with new things also. Sometimes late at night you’d hear the sound of them laughing out on a tennis court. Honey jumping up and rocketing a shot that causes the concrete to crack while Jessica laughs loudly. Honey letting out a sheepish ‘oops’ as she throws the racket and tells Jessica they ‘HAVE TO GO I CAN’T AFFORD TA’ FIX THAT HOLE’ and the two of them, like dumb teens, racing off with Jessica holding her hand as they laugh.

 7. HONEY TOTALLY SHOWED OFF ALL HER VEHICLES TO JESSICA. And she totally dragged Jessica into every single one. Honey had a plane she used to go on adventures with Bugs & Daffy? You bet your ass Honey had Jessica in that plane also soaring above the clouds and exploring and seeing the world. Honey’s race car? She totally took Jessica on a racetrack and sped as fast as possible. She even let Jessica drive it also and enjoy the wind through her hair. Honey’s motorcycle? Jessica was on the back with a custom helmet Honey made her wearing a motorcycle jacket Honey totally customized that was crimson colored with sparkling glitter upon it. Honey’s blonde hair in its ponytail flapping in the wind with her helmet and Jessica holding her tightly and the two of them driving around at night while letting their cares go free. Honey’s jet-ski? Damn bet that Honey had Jessica on the back as they rode around in the water. Honey’s boat? Jessica there also.

 8. Jessica totally got Honey to stop working a lot by sitting on Honey’s lap. Honey was a very serious business woman. We see her behind the scenes taking notes, editing scripts, sitting at a desk, reading and focusing intently on work instead of other things. She could run a company with an iron fist. She opened businesses all the time. Her ‘hare salon’, her business in the treacherous mountains that she did grand at, her reporter gig. Honey was often busy working at a desk.  She would get so focused on a task that she would zone out. Jessica would talk, snap her fingers, shake her, and Honey wouldn’t stop writing or typing. What worked? Jessica pushing Honey’s chair back and just sitting on her lap. Forcing Honey to look at her and convincing Honey to take a break. Although this is mostly because whenever she did that Honey’s face would end up pressed into her chest a bit and she’d immediately let out a garbled sound of “JESSICA NO”.

 9. ALSO SPEAKING OF BUSINESS WOMAN HONEY. We see in some coloring pages Honey was fascinated by modern things. She literally is seen relaxing and reading a computer science book. So I love picturing Honey learning technology super quick and helping Jessica with it. Jessica sitting at Honey’s desk and Honey happily pointing out things. Honey teaching Jessica about the internet, about the newest ‘phones’, whenever a new gadget popped up or some tech-savvy lingo came out? Jessica could just look at Honey who would already be learning about it and who would eagerly explain it.

[nuatthebeach]

HI, I love your blog. My ask is

What are your top 5 fictional girls who inspire you and you genuinely love them and why?

I love questions like these because they always force me to reflect on why I prioritize certain traits over others in fictional characters in the first place. And this question in particular is fascinating because I’ve come to realize that a certain pattern that correlates with my liking of fictional characters is usually to do with how supremely underrated they are and how much hate they receive from fandom (and it's for really dumb, hypocritical, double-standard reasons in most cases).

I actually for the life of me cannot come up with a top 5 because my brain absolutely refuses to work, and I love so many female characters to the bottom of my heart, so asking me to just choose five is actually really freakin' hard. I’m sure I’ll hate myself when I do remember, like, five minutes after I post this, but until then, I’ll give you my top three.

These are ones I feel so supremely attached to that my fingers itch to write, talk, and obsess about them to the point that I’m sure I’ve scared off all my family members by now lol. Particularly because these characters are not usually a fan favorite (with the exception of one).

My Top Three:

3. Piper McLean - yep, that’s right, I said it. God, I wish I could go back to my fanfic writing days with the wisdom I have now to fully express just how underrated this character really is. A lot of people dislike her because in many ways, she appears to act like she’s “not like other girls.” They point to instances of her cutting her hair haphazardly to not draw attention, having dark skin, hating on her cabin for having Aphrodite as her mother, being “super obsessed” with Jason, and - the part that really gets to me - preferring Jason’s looks over Percy’s. I repeat, people hated Piper for saying her boyfriend was better looking than a dude she just met. And she still is (in fact, it’s literally a TikTok trend).

Reasons why I like her: all of these claims are bullshit. I think she’s just a teenage girl who is very passionate about her culture, wants to protect her father, loves her boyfriend and her friends, and desires to do the right thing. When we first meet her, you realize that all of her memories from her time at that school I highkey forgot the name of were all a lie. She had to relearn everything and get to know a boy she had always thought she knew. Can you imagine how heartbreaking it must be to lose (for lack of a better word) someone she loved in a manner she had no control over? As for all of the “wanting to be not like other girl stuff,” well, I think a lot of people forget that there is this huge stereotype of Native Americans being oversexualized in the media as well as in history itself, and while I can’t make assumptions that is what Riordan was going for, I’m not surprised that fandom has a way of focusing on dispositional factors as opposed to situational and cultural ones because frankly...what's new.

Also, at the time, people used to hate Jason as well, but now I’m seeing more love for him and even less for Piper. Again, this is one of those things I’m not surprised about. Nothing like that good-old fandom misogyny.

How does she inspire me? Y’all, hear my girl out. People are always telling her that she’s weak and the more useless one of the seven. You think she hasn’t internalized that shit? Because she’s the first to have done so. After fighting that ice goddess-villain-bitch on the ship in one of the books, she started becoming really hard on herself to improve her skills and become better. You all are forgetting that Percy, Jason, and Annabeth had years of experience over her. And she learned how to fight with a sword within that same book! Talk about badass development!

Phew, sorry for the rant. For those who agree (or still need convincing), I had written a lot of Piper x Jason fanfic back in the day if you want to check it out on fanfic.net. I stopped writing about them for…well, obvious reasons that people who are caught up on the series would know about 😭

2. Jude Duarte - this is actually one of those rare instances where I am absolutely in love with the main girl character who’s not underrated even the tiniest bit by fandom. And they don't love her because she's perfect they love her because she's morally gray. A glow-up for all of us, let's give each other a pat on the back. She makes mistakes (anvil-sized ones) both on the society- and emotional-level, but she sincerely, whole-heartedly learns from them. I think all BookTok authors have something to gain from reading and writing about her (I'm looking at you SJM die-hards) because seeing a female character who is so unmistakably and unapologetically human is just so refreshing to read. You can trust that when I say I have never read a female protagonist like her, you can believe it, and I'm almost 100% sure you haven't either (at least in American contemporary literature). I won't prattle on more about her because, again, she's fairly well-liked so I don't need to "defend her actions" (rolls eyes) as they say, and this post is getting severely long as it is.

1. c'mon. You know why you follow me. Hermione Granger.

Jk.

Ginny Weasley.

(still love you though, book!Hermione)

I'm just going to copy and paste the reasons why I love this girl from a previous post because it still sums up my feelings pretty well. Stay tuned for some additions at the end.

This girl. If she were real, I’d give her my babies. She is almost the most developed female character in the book series, considering the little number of relevant scenes she was given. I say almost because I actually do think JKR missed the concluding bulls-eye with her arc, particularly in HBP and DH. I, like everyone else, expected her to do a lot more than she did (c’mon she’s one of the only kids connected to fucking Voldemort, that had to have counted for something?!?!). With that being said, she’s the only female character who has a consistent rise in characterization throughout the books: starting off as a bubbly 10 year old waving and crying to see her brothers leave, a shy 11 year old who can’t speak around Harry but can to her diary and trauma ensues, a quiet 12 year old who still doesn’t talk to Harry but is overcoming her reputation as the girl who opened the Chamber and was victimized by literal Voldemort himself, and so on and so forth to the flawed, stubborn, angry, petty, defensive but also caring, compassionate, funny, clever, sassy girl we have by HBP and DH. As the books go on, you really see her shine and become a woman in her own right. And interestingly enough, her arc doesn’t repeat, like Hermione’s and Neville’s does; it has a clear direction that journeys from Book 1 to the end. For all of these reasons, I notice a lot of people claim she isn’t very developed - and while I agree she could definitely be more - I’d also argue she’s one of the most obviously developed too. Plus, I’ve always been fascinated by her connection to Voldemort and wish JKR explored it more herself: from her wand being made of the same wood as his (while Harry’s is made of the same core…hmmm interesting) to the interactions being much more gendered and personal than I’d even argue Harry’s. If I had to read about someone’s relationship with Voldemort other than Harry, Ginny definitely takes the cake, sorry Draco. I could go on and on about her, but if you want more Ginny meta, just check out my other posts dedicated just for her.

I'd also add that I like the fact that she doesn't always fit the mold of a stereotypical book!female hero: she isn't the absolute smartest in the room, she isn't a nitty-gritty perfectionist, she doesn't pine after and date only one boy, she likes nuances and creativity, she isn’t at the beck-and-call of the male protagonist who helps him all the time to complete His Task™, she likes sports and flowery perfumes, she is conventionally attractive and popular and knows it, she does quit her quidditch career to be a mother from an early age, and she does take Harry's last name as her own. None of the aforementioned are bad characteristics/intonations, of course, but the point is that girls' personalities (like all personalities lmfao) can and do vary. You don't have to be a certain type of woman to be a woman. Ginny Weasley is proof that if anyone tells you otherwise, they're delusional and need to get their internalized misogyny in check.

Because that is what being an independent, feminist is... having the power to choose what being a woman in this world means to you.

Thanks for the ask!

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 29 Part 2: Welcome to !NotEgypt

Fun fact, just finished up a project of doing a book cover for someone who was like “can you do stitches, like in cross stitching?” and I was like “oh, I happen to already have a bunch of brushes like that, actually” and the reason why I had all these digital cross stitching brushes? Because I wanted to make Yugioh fanart with them as a joke. Which was such a funny thing to resurface a few years later. I did not expect that cross stitch gag to help me get real work.

So make fanart, guys. It’s good for you.

Now last we left off, Pharaoh was vacuumed up into a tunnel made out of CGI. In Photoshop, to make this texture you click “filter>render>clouds.” We’re not going to see too much of this in the caps though because it was quite blurry.

While he’s there, Bakura’s ghost just kinda jumps out of the puzzle around Pharaohs neck--sounds weird but thankfully I have a visual for you (which is still weird).

Lots of levels in this episode, you got a ghost living in a different ghost (although the puzzle is on Yugi, so this is the ghost manifestation of the puzzle that Bakura is leaping out of, but don’t think about it.)

And the ghost that was living in Ryou decided it was freakin done with this mess, and in a huge beam of light just jumped directly out of this poor boy.

Congratulations, Ryou Bakura, you are no longer possessed.

He had a total of 2 seconds to enjoy it before his head hit the cement.

(read more under the cut)

I assume that he probably off-screened the Ishtar family, because we get no mention of how he ended up on this stairwell unseen. Just a blur of stuff happening because we don’t have any more time to stuff something into this episode.

Almost like there’s so much going on here it should’ve focused on this stuff instead of all that filler. And as entertaining a lot of that filler was, boy does this arc decide some of it just never happened. Not that Yugioh was ever that heavy on the continuity.

So the 2 parts of Bakura’s ghost decide to become 1 ghost, and I can no longer use the joke that the relationship between Yugi and Tea is a foursome. Their relationship on Facebook went back from “It’s complicated ;) ;) ;)” to “It’s complicated  🥱 “

(I just realized Facebook didn’t exist when this episode came out, holy crap.)

Meanwhile in the Ishtar Foyer, they are recovering from the many beams of light that just occurred so no one has noticed Bakura is passed out on the steps about 15 feet behind them. I really hope someone finds Bakura because I don’t know much about the sands of desert, but I have been raised to believe every tomb in Egypt is full of five million poisonous scorpions. Someone please save the nasty boy from the scorpions.

Yugi is very upset about losing his ghost, and at first I was like “hey, is this scene here a throwback to S1, when Yugi was also sobbing on the ground after breaking up with his ghost?” And so I went back to S1, and youknow, Yugi ends up sobbing on the ground so often during this show, that this isn’t so much a throwback as it is just Yugi every 5-10 episodes or so. I kind of forgot what a freakin disaster Yugi is because I’ve gotten very used to it.

Speaking of disasters, Shadi has decided to show up.

This show loves a Matrix plot so much, lets go over our Matrixes, a recap:

-Kaiba’s MMO he made in VR that never got officially launched (I hope) that was mostly offbrand pokemon, mazes, and dragons

-Gozaburo’s MMO he made to keep Noah Kaiba busy (it didn’t) and potentially trap all mankind into (which honestly is a strange business model). Could only be escaped by either going to the arcade where Johnny Steps once dance-faught with Tea, or by abducting Mokuba and becoming Mokuba (which is much easier)

-That time Mai got trapped in the Shadow Realm and thought everyone was having fun without her (also she was being slowly buried in quicksand but she didn’t care about that as much as the FOMO)

-That time Joey got trapped in the Shadow Realm while fighting in a tournament and he had to win a tournament to wake up from the Shadow Realm and go back to the original tournament.

-That time that Alister created a world to show Kaiba that Gozaburo ran over his brother with tanks???

-Shadi’s Pyramid In India that Matrixed Alexander the Freakin Great as well as the Ghost that haunted Alexander the Freakin Great (which is also the ghost living in Bakura don’t think about it).

-Pharaoh’s Memories, which, looking at our other list of Matrixes here, are so incredibly Not Real People that he’s interacting with, but I don't know if he knows that. Even after all of these Matrixes, he seems to think it’s not a simulation.

Anyway, Tristan suddenly realizes something and brings up a plot Point from like S2.

Congratulations if you have been watching from S2 and remembered any of this when it happened in S5. I only remember this because I write a meticulous blog about it.

RIP the Shadi’s Wacky Pyramid in India Plotline, I can’t believe the show just decided to de-canonize it so quickly, hahaha. There was too much Yugi/Tea Shipping in that arc for the creators of this show to commit to it, lets be honest. Maybe the India arc was made after this one? But like...it wasn’t, right?

Lets check out Pharaoh’s memories, shall we?

So, in a big beam of light that Pharaoh has no control over, he becomes--himself!

It is nice to see him as actually Egyptian, which is a pharaoh that we don’t ordinarily see. He still looks a lot like Yugi, but the artists did their work to make it different enough that he finally looks like he’s not just Yugi’s Dad or older brother. Also that wig is a LOT (because this was Egypt, so it would likely be a wig), but I want to note some of the hair spikes are actually part of a crown, which is easier to see in other caps. Kind of a cute touch, I like that.

++++++++++++RANT ABOUT THE OUTFIT YOU CAN SKIP++++++++++++++

Mind you, this is like the aftertaste of an Egyptian outfit from this time period, but the influences are there. Like I don’t want to do a deep dive into Egyptian clothing and design (although deep dives like that are very accessible right now, which is nice) but I want to note that this episode features beads.

Thank you, show, for remembering that ancient people were whole hog about beads. It’s an extra thing to draw, sure, but you gotta put beads on your ancient peoples. Egyptians, in particular, had a hell ton of beads.

But are there beads on Pharaoh and the others? Not really, that’s hard to draw, instead they have pieces of plate armor. In ancient times in Northern Africa you don’t see much of any armor at all because it’s a freaking desert. However, it’s hard to tell if this is actually plate mail, or an artistic interpretation of what would have actually been decorative pieces stitched together like a beaded necklace.

Also, this is Yugioh, so their tech was probably not the same as our universe’s tech (like they had magical creatures and stuff) so I can let it go that we’re 300 years before the Bronze Age and he’s got a bunch of plated stuff. You have to have that tech in order to make the millennium items anyway. (although there was metallurgy way before the Bronze Age, I just don’t know too much about historical metallurgy to care because this is a fantasy show anyway)

Like I would love to see a historically accurate Yami outfit drawn. There’s probably one around somewhere because trying to draw something historically accurate is so vogue right now. Then again, this probably hasn’t been done because a.) There’s not to much extant pieces left from 3000 BC to copy, and b.) none of the historical costuming sticklers really care about Egypt, which is a whole other rant.

Something I will bring up though, is that the side characters in Egypt wear a lot of cloth that looks like straight up tunics and knee-length skirts, probably because like...they had to cover up for TV. You can’t have your ladies just shirtless with see through skirts, like how historically accurate can you really get for daytime TV? Sure this show had a couple of attempts at suicide and killed quite a few people but a boobie? Never in a thousand years. They can’t even show Pharaoh boobs anymore.

But when you look at depictions of Egyptian wraps, there’s a lot of really fun shapes there that I wish the show had taken advantage of. Lots of wild hangings they had on the front of their tunics back then. But Instead it leans on simplicity, and then they end up drawing just so many folds anyway I don’t know why they didn’t just go for it and do something weirder on a show that already loves weird fashion.

+++++++++++++++++++++++END RANT+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

And also this isn’t enough color for Egypt but they probably decided on that so we wouldn’t lose the center of focus. But I’ve already gone over how garish the past was and how I wish we’d just draw the past being colorful as hell.

Anyways Grandpa’s here. The Eyes from the abyss. Just looking up at me from under that brim. Those intense awful eyes.

*slow claps*

Remember when Alexander was like “I really looked up to you, Pharaoh.” What a freakin liar! Pharaoh was on this King seat for like 3 minutes. Good for you, Alexander, what a way to lie directly through your teeth.

Honestly I thought this was hilarious. Maybe he lives a little longer than this, but knowing how TV arcs work, They only have so many episodes to wrap this up, and it’s gonna go through the steps of what he went through before !notKaiba killed him, and so we only got like...maybe a week, tops.

I look forward to seeing how long this Pharaoh actually sat on the throne, maybe there’s a huge time skip that happens where Pharaoh will magically be 52, but I am fully enjoying this ironic twist that the entire time our competent Pharaoh was actually a green dumbass. Yugioh sure does love that irony.

The only room with color, rejoice! Also the boys are all in town for this party/funeral, too!

!notKaiba is still a huge asshole, and yes, they gave him a terrible hat. I have seen forshadowing about this hat for so many seasons but a part of me just really hoped it would not happen. Alas, the hat is here, and it looks like ass to draw.

!notKaiba, the word of reason, is completely ignored.

Also !notPegasus is here.

So I stumbled on a viral tweet yesterday about an Egyptian guy called “Akhenaten” who was...probably the name they were going for, but I don’t know for sure. I grabbed the spelling of “Aknadin” from the closed captioning but Yugioh is referencing this guy, right? Like apparently he was a very disliked Pharaoh that tried to change their religion and after he died, his people removed a bunch of evidence this guy existed.

Also, a bunch of people online think he was an alien from outer space, which is how that viral tweet stumbled across my timeline. Now I don’t follow Egyptology or aliens online, but twitter has no rhyme or reason as to to how their algorithm works, and so I assume sent me that because I have too much Yugioh in my search history. Either way, he seems like good bait to make a Yugioh arc out of. If this arc goes to space, I will be pleased.

Also I’m guessing !NotPegasus is a freakin weirdo based on evidence (and also future Pegasus). That’s just my bet.

I later found out this is not !notShadi but is in fact !notOdion, and like....

....he has those abs all the time, right? Like in the present, under that cute purple turtleneck thingy, he’s just jacked?

Also the Ring is here:

Featuring who I believe is !notMarik wearing it. Which really leaves a lot to interpretation of how current Marik got so freakin effed in the bean from a very young age: he was not only under a lot of duress, he had the wrong millennium item the whole time. But clearly he craved one, so he stole someone else’s. A fun bit of worldbuilding, I think.

So, for reference:

-Seto Kaiba : Seto (easy to remember)

-Pegasus : Aknadin

-Ishizu : Isis

-Grandpa : Shimon

-Shadi : Shadu (also easy to remember)

-Odion: ???

-Marik: ??????? Yeah, I already forgot. My bad.

I went to do a cursory google search and only found links to wikis I’m not letting myself read because of spoilers. None had like...their actual name just right there in the title of the link. I could also just boot up hulu, but listen it’s been a long week so I’m gonna take a nap instead. I’m sure it won’t be important (it will).

Hell yeahhhhh it’s the second episode of this arc and we already got a Pharaoh cult! I do love how nearly every season of Yugioh has a cult in it.

Pharaoh has himself a secret cult made up of maybe the most unhinged people that have ever stepped foot onto this show (and Ishizu, who was never unhinged but deffo just likes to let things happen and watch it burn). At this point he can say “yo can you say my name real fast?” and then go straight home because wow. I think we figured out how this guy freaking died.

But that wouldn’t be an interesting arc, so we’ll get to the tail end of this episode in the next one.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

Have a good one and stay safe out there guys, it got pretty real out there.

[timextoxhajima]

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course! 

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state. 

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric. 

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago. 

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since. 

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls? 

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school. 

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22. 

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either! 

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his. 

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour. 

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb. 

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May. 

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time. 

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log. 

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace. 

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh! 

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering. 

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio. 

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage- 

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something. 

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first. 

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch. 

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all. 

...

Fuck. 

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this? 

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time. 

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore. 

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday. 

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked. 

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40? 

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat. 

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control. 

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours. 

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back. 

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home. 

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it. 

...

...

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out. 

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood. 

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am. 

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April. 

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left. 

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back. 

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month. 

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice. 

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night. 

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it. 

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote. 

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open. 

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums. 

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”