#my little chaotic axl rose ass with anger management issues hahahaha

[polarisbibliotheque]

You are currently one of my favorite DMC writers! I love re-reading your stuff because it always puts me in a good, comfy mood! I just adore how you portray casual intimacy, too. It just seems so gentle and natural. I also love your portrayal of the boys. They always feel like they have a depth and soul to them, which is amazing!

Thank you so much for sharing your gift and your creativity! While I'll always eagerly look forward to your next piece, know that your older works are still regarded fondly 💖

And here I am today, 2 a.m, Carnaval going hard in Brazil, sitting here and smiling stupidly while re-reading your message.

Thank you very very much, anon. From the bottom of my heart.

I've read your wonderful message the day you sent it, I think it was earlier this week - maybe Tuesday...? I couldn't answer it before, but it came right in a day when all hell broke loose in my home and this made me smile so much. It really felt like a safe port.

I'm not gonna get into too much detail because it's very personal - but, you know, family fights. Between all my mom's siblings, involving lawsuits and home evictions threats. I was just fucking fuming the whole week, and I almost put on my full Axl Rose attire and side of my personality to literally drop-kick and suplex some 6ft tall man built like a brick house because someone has to put some sense in his head.

I'm starting to sound like Nero

To top it all, this gave the opportunity for someone in my family who abused the hell out of me for more than 10 years to come back like a freakin' death omen.

I did end up going to therapy dressed up as Axl Rose for Carnaval, but it's so close to my usual style no one noticed it. I count as a life-win.

I still don't know what I'm feeling, (I talked to my therapist, don't worry) but that fucking threw me off everything. I don't know what to do about this, about this person, I'm scared and angry at the same time - and I got so SO overwhelmed, I had to get away from everything.

Social media, exercising, drawing, writing, reading, just living like a normal human being. The only thing I've been able to do is listening to music, because music has always been my safespace.

The only way I could explain how I'm feeling to my therapist, is a scene from a Julia Roberts movie, where she forged her own death to get away from her abusive husband, only to be found in the end by him and have him go like 'you're never going to get rid of me' and the fucking horror in her reaction - that's it. That's the feeling.

I have this dreadful feeling that I'm never gonna be rid of that, of all that abuse I want to leave in the past, until this person dies or I die.

Amidst all that, along came your message in my inbox. It felt like a ray of light in a dark stormy skies. A glimpse of hope that things can be better and that people are good. That I can have that experience as well.

Whenever I write about some more sensitive subjects, I hope it can be seen as a safespace for people - right now, for instance, my survival instincts that have always been alert have gone berserk, and the gods know how much I needed to feel safe enough to hug someone and ask for protection.

Vergil is ominously standing in the distance, staring back with the resolve of Achilles in the field of battle to get Hector's ass

I don't have that, but I can have it through fanfiction with characters, I think, would understand it. And I hope I can give the very same thing to other people who also don't have that sort of support and need to find it somewhere else.

I'm happy to know my writing has the good, comfy vibes I always try to convey! Despite the death, blood and dismemberment

And I wrote all of this so you can understand how thankful I am - and how much your kindness and nice words are so much needed in this world.

So, once again, thank you. Very very much.