#i love that you saw that meme and came into my inbox just to scream about the voobs this is the kind of interaction im talkin about

[politemagic]

THE VOOBS 💥💥💥💥

SO TRUE!!!!

bonus voob meme for u anon because i'm just now responding 🖤

[gatitties]

OMGOMGOMGOMG I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR YOUR INBOX TO BE OPEN I LIVE YOUR WRITING!!! I wanted to see if i could request a witch reader x the straw hats??? Like imagine if Eda and Rain from The Owl House had a kid that acted like Luz. Like how she always wants to stand up for others and is kind, but also pretty innocent and naive at times. Like if Sanji flirted with her she wouldn't really understand that he's flirting.I could imagine her also having a little friend like owlberrt or at least an owl staff. Also like her mother her hair is kinda like a mini pocket dimension that she shoves things in

but instead in this universe the day unity is a day where a bunch of witch hunters come to their island and kills all of them but she somehow manages to survive. Like it would happen a few years or so before she encounters the straw hats. When she meets them it does take her a while still to tell them her full past thought. She meets them on some random island running from some local store owner because like her mother, she is a trouble maker but she's not as good at stealing. With the fact that her parents died and couldn't teach her much, all she has is old books and journals from both of them. Which mean that she's not that good at magic and messes up her spells a lot

i'm sorry if this is confusing i've just had this idea in my head for MONTHS and in crappy at explaining things D:

Again im sorry if this is to much or confusing i just really want to see your ideas of some HCs for this.

a meme for your collection (if you have one lol)

─Strawhats x witch!reader

─Summary: Some unfortunate events make you meet what you can consider a second family.

─Warnings: none

YEEEE thanks for contributing to the collection of cursed memes on my pinterest, I love it <3, sorry for the delay, I also had to look up information about the owl house because I didn't watch the series and f I changed a little how they met, sorry for that too 😔

─ Not even you know how you managed to survive the witch hunt that day, but here you are now, sailing on a wooden plank with a backpack that doesn't even have food or water but a couple of books on spells.

─ At first it was a small boat but you tried to cast a spell so that the wind was in your favor and you turned the small boat into a piece of plank, you were not a very experienced witch but you survived.

─ Your eyes lit up and you screamed with all the strength you could when you saw a ship.

─ Your first thought was to try to steal one of the emergency ships, but you ruled it out when you saw the crew, you weren't that clever and it seemed like they had nothing to do with the witch hunt.

─ The first to see you was Usopp who was fishing when you scared him to death, the others noticed you once they saw you wave your arms strangely (you were trying to do magic but nothing came out)

─ You complement Luffy quite well once you start interacting with the crew, Nami probably scolds you a lot because he asks you to do some magic and it ends up going wrong.

─ Last time you transformed Sanji's face into a trout for trying to make Luffy's portion bigger, you're lucky that the cook likes your presence, although you completely ignore his strange behavior when he is with girls.

─ You and Zoro have small competitions to keep your pride high over any nonsense, like a healthy rivalry (you both end up lost in the strangest places).

─ Probably and, despite not understanding anything about magic, Robin will help you with some spells here and there, she is a cultured woman and she seems to understand some descriptions much more than you.

─ Usopp repaired your cane when you chipped it once, you thanked him because he reinforced it so it wouldn't break again.

─ You and Chopper go out to look for ingredients together, whether to make medicines or potions.

─ Jinbe is curious about your culture and your home island as well as other sorcerers, you can spend hours talking about witchcraft with him, Franky and Brook will join in sometimes.

─ When you take the courage to tell them why you were alone with nothing and adrift, they feel a little sorry for you, If you don't plan to stay here with them, you will be welcome whenever you want and If you want to continue with them, you are already part of the crew!

─ For once you feel that you are advancing in your process of learning as a magician, feeling indebted to these pirates, you decide to help as much as you can and improve your skills even more.

[comfortmarvelimagines]

You are Home, and Home is Safe

heyhey ! deciding to just get it over with and post this tonight (for those of you who don’t know what i’m talking about, a post explaining can be found here. side note, please be nice in my inbox, its been rough getting some of those comments). i am, however, going to continue to tag autistic!reader fics with #whenyoucantfindthequiet and #wycftq, so they’re easier to find. hope it’s what you’re after, nonnie, and i’m so so sorry it took so long !!

features : autistic!reader x mama!nat, lowkey asshole Tony Stark (it’s okay i didn’t make him really mean, just kinda well-meaning but misplaced/ mistimed) 

warnings : uhhh i guess meltdowns, some self-injurious behaviour

Words are hard. Always have been, always will be. 

You haven't always had a family. For years you were passed from foster home to foster home, with a consistent message: you were too much. Your needs were too high, your behaviour too confusing, your struggles too much to deal with. It got to a point where you began to question yourself, your diagnoses and trauma, wondering if it was all in your head or for attention like you were told over and over. 

That changed when you met Nat. 

It wasn’t immediate of course. There was the initial period of complete and total distrust, of another stranger whose life you were thrust into the middle of, floundering and drowning with no support. There was shutdown after shutdown. The trauma of being ignored and punished for meltdowns meant that you’d learned to internalise. You barely ate, and didn’t speak. But Nat met you where you were, unwaveringly. Was always calm, composed, voice level. Kept food out on the kitchen bench at all times, figuring out your safe foods and keeping them stocked. Realised you liked small enclosed spaces and stocked your bedroom with beanbags, pillows, stuffies and blankets, a permanent blanket fort taking up residence in the living space. Perhaps the most wonderful was her commitment to listening to you, with or without words. The superspy was quick to recognise your shutdown states from body language alone and responded quickly, with two option questions and the request to tap the hand of the answer you wanted. 

You almost wanted to feel embarrassed, humiliated, of the accommodations she made so immediately. But she always spoke to you conversationally and never in an infantilizing tone, like so many before her, and the trust you held for her grew. It didn’t always grow in a way that you felt was positive, though. As weeks passed you felt your shutdowns turn into meltdowns and silence into frustrated screams. You didn’t want to hurt her. You didn’t want to feel ungrateful or angry or like any of this was on purpose but somehow she knew. As she held you close after each one she reminded you that your body was unlearning trauma, that you were safe, that you were loved so fully and unconditionally and nothing, including meltdowns, would change that. The way she held you felt like home. 

But no one else was like Nat. Social workers were condescending, school was overwhelming, nowhere was safe. So you stuck to Nat. It wasn’t long after you were placed with her that she pulled you out of school, realising that they were doing more harm than good, and she was always there for homeschool. Not looking over your shoulder, but present. You could hear her humming through the walls, or swearing as she dropped a spoon into a pot of soup on the stove again, and it was comforting. It wasn’t the apartment that was home, per say, but having a parent made it feel like one. If she went to the grocery store or a walk in the park you came with, ear defenders on, clinging to her sleeve for safety. She told you that she loved you a million times a day, until one day you said it back. 

Words came easier after that. Simple things, like asking what’s for breakfast, became routine. It wasn’t just Nat softly illuminating the cramped space with hummed melodies and occasionally vulgar language but you as well, asking for help with homework or explaining a meme. It felt normal, comfortable, okay. The outside world was too much, but inside your home, the anxiety all but melted from your throat. 

You never wanted to leave safety. You wanted to feel it all the time. It was warm and sweet and heavy but in a calm way, like a weighted blanket sinking into your joints. It started as a one-time-thing, after a particularly rough meltdown, but you started sleeping in Nat’s bed. It just felt… right. The panic that set in when Nat left the room and you didn’t know where she was going or what she was doing or if she was ever going to come back was so all-consuming and nauseating that going to sleep alone, in another room, unable to hear her was torturous. What if she abandoned you, gone in the night, social worker beckoning you on to the next uncaring couple, crowded foster family or group home? This way, when you woke at 2am from a nightmare, the first thing you heard was her even breathing. Home. Safe. 

***

Tony Stark was something else. Nat eventually started to transition back to work, and, as being homeschooled permitted, brought you with her. Even in classified meetings where you weren’t allowed in you sat in corridors and made sure you could see her red braid through the frosted glass, glancing up from your laptop every few seconds to make sure she didn’t disappear while you wrote your English critique. The rest of Nat’s colleagues (it felt too weird to just casually refer to them as the Avengers and co) didn’t mention your presence, at least in front of you; it was as if they didn’t know what to say or how to say it. Not that you’d say anything back. Outside of the safety of home it was like the anxiety disconnected your brain from your throat, anything you wanted to say cut off before it reached your tongue. It was frustrating. The first few days ended in meltdowns when you reached the apartment and it felt weird and strange and almost like you were two different people but an all-round embarrassment of a child. It was weeks before things settled into a routine and a pattern of acknowledged non-acknowledgement. A pattern Stark ignored. 

You were sitting at the island bench in the communal kitchen, drinking chocolate milk and typing out an assignment, when you heard both Nat and Tony heading down the hall towards you. They’d just come out of a meeting, you sitting watch outside the whole time, and Nat had sent you to the kitchen to wait for her while she headed upstairs with Tony to drop off some paperwork to an intern. You hadn’t thought much of it. Sure, you didn’t like being away from Nat at all, but if she was clear in where she was going and how long she was going for (provided it was only a short period), you did okay. It was okay, until you heard the discussion from down the hall. 

“Damn, Nat, is that the longest you’ve been away from the kid?” 

“No.” 

“C’mon, Nat. I know the kid’s been through some shit, but this isn’t healthy. For either of you. What happens if you can’t get out of the mission next time? They’re gonna have to be away from you at some point. You can’t be in this line of work with a barnacle of a kid.” 

You’d heard enough. As the topic changed and they entered the kitchen, you didn’t look up from your laptop in greeting.  

*** 

Too much. Too clingy. Too anxious, too needy, too autistic, too much. You needed separation. Give Nat space. Of course she needed to work. The world needed her, and they didn’t need you tagging along. When you got home that night, you headed straight to your room. Buried yourself in the mountain of blankets and stuffies and waited until Nat came to check on you, facing the wall, feigning sleep. You doubt you fooled the former spy but nonetheless, she left you be, a whispered “I love you” hanging in the air as she creaked the door close behind her. 

It was seconds before you broke. It felt like choking. All of the fear that was slowly reduced to an ebbing tide through months of living in a caring environment crashed on you like the mother of all tsunamis, saltwater running down your cheeks and into your mouth as if smothering all the words you wished you could scream. It lasted for hours and hours and it was relentless, painful, as if your heart was being ripped out and an empty throbbing numbness was expanding in its place. You were too much. Too much. Too much. 

Nat stood outside your door at the time when she’d usually be gently waking you up, watching you unfurl and stretch yourself out of the cocoon of blankets you slept in every night. She knew something was wrong from lunch yesterday, and your isolation from her was concerning. She figured you needed space, but the sleep she knew was an act sat at the back of her mind and bugged her all night long. Even with that nagging suspicion that something was up, nothing prepared her for the way her heart sank when she came in and saw your body curled up, eyes red and barely open from exhaustion, pillow and face damp from tears. 

She was at your side in seconds. Your resolve to cut yourself off melted at the sight of her open arms, safe, warm, home. And immediately your body melted. Hands running through your hair, the promise that you were safe, loved, worthy of support, the request to “tell me next time, please, you don’t need to deal with this on your own.” 

For some reason, those were the words that broke out the first sounding sob in the 12 hours of silent crying. It was so loud and gut-wrenching and it almost didn’t feel like it came from you at all and it was such a weird feeling, and all of a sudden you were scratching at your arms to try and re-embody yourself and Nat was breathing calmly and deeply and gently rubbing your shoulders until you found yourself easing back into your physicality.  

“Did you hear what Stark said yesterday?” 

And just like that she figured it out, of course she did, because she’s a trained spy and that’s her job, to put the pieces together and slot the narrative into place. And god, were you grateful, because you couldn’t see yourself stringing sentences together to accuse none other than Iron Man himself of triggering waves of hurt just by stating what you’d convinced yourself was the truth. She was quick to reassure. You are loved, you are wanted, you are always welcome and will always be her child and what you need will always come first. The warm safety settled itself in your belly and you let the tiredness wash over you, drifting on a life raft of whispered Russian lullabies and Nat’s hand rubbing circles on your back. At peace.

Of course, you’d never tell Nat, but hearing her whisper-yell at Tony over the phone for being an insensitive dick was possibly one of the best moments of your life.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[eddswrold-fandicc]

Eddworld boys × Reader

Part 1

It's been a bad day for you. Your parents are fighting, your best friend cancelled plans, and your teachers found your tumblr account.

There was a whole conference at school regarding your internet usage, and your parents were there. They were giving you the evil eye the entire time; the one that says: your ass is grass and I'm gonna mow it.

Once you got home from that boring conference, you stormed to your room. Why does it even matter if the teachers know what you're doing online? It's none of their fucking buisness. You were 19 anyways, you're not a minor anymore.

Your parents already yelled at you on the ride home, threatening to take away your phone and ground you. What's that going to do? Make you cry? Ha, no.

You took your shoes off and slipped into some more comfortable clothes: a grey sweater, shorts, and fuzzy socks.

You loved getting fuzzy socks. They were so comfortable and kept your feet warm. Plus you didn't like walking around your house with bare feet.

A familiar ding went off on your phone. Picking it up and unlocking it, you were already smiling. You knew that it was your best friend. She tagged you in a post on Instagram.

Ah, yes. A meme.

You set your phone down and got comfortable in bed, switching on the TV and going into Netflix.

Flicking through the endless titles, you finally settled on Pride and Prejudice.

You heard your phone ding again, but this time it was an unfamiliar sound. Curiosity rippled through your mind as your hand subconsciously went for your phone.

An unknown person inboxed you on tumblr. Probably another porn bot, to be honest.

Opening the chat, you see that it wasn't a porn bot. It was an empty message, with nothing bit a link. You looked at the username.

One of your mutuals.

You pondered for a moment, trying to make up your mind if you were going to open the link or not. Your good common sense is telling you no, it could possibly be a virus. But the other half of you is wanting to open it. You could trust your mutuals, maybe they're just sending you a funny picture.

Without fully thinking it through, you clicked on the link. Your phone started shaking, and the screen started to flash.

You dropped your phone and scooted back for safety, but it was too late. An electrical currency ran out of your phone and zapped you.

And then everything went dark.

_________________

"Shh, guys, she's sleeping!" That voice.

So familiar. But who was it?

"You think she'll want some whiskey?" Another familiar voice.

"No, you stupid drunk." The familiar accent.

"Oh, good. Matt's back with the cold rag- Matt. Where's the rag?"

"Uh."

"Shh, guys she's waking up!"

Your head spun as you tried to open your eyes. After trying a few times, they finally stayed open. You lifted your hands to rub the tiredness from them, but something stopped you.

Looking down, you saw a grey cat.

"Oh, no, baby. Not now," a pair of hands picked up the cat, and placed her on the ground next to you.

You sat up and looked around. Four mes crowded you, with looks of curiosity and concern filling their faces.

Wait, is that Tom?

You whipped your head around. Tord? Matt? And Edd?

This can't be real. You looked down at your body and almost screamed. You were... a cartoon?!

"Well, hello." Tord's Norwegian accent broke through.

A hand was in front of you; the same hand from before, "Hi, I'm Edd."

You hesitated before taking Edd's hand. He helped you up.

You looked around, "How... How did I get here?"

"You flew out of our TV." Tom chimed in.

"Yeah," Tord sounded suspicious, "Anyways, what's your name, stranger?"

"Y/N."

"Welcome to our home, Y/N! I'm Edd, as I mentioned. That's Tord, Matt, and that's Tom." Edd introduced you to everybody, but you already knew who they were.

You gulped, not knowing what to say next.

"Well," Tom broke through, "Do.you drink, Y/N?"

You saw Tord shake his head in disappointment in the corner of your eye.

"N-No, sorry." You were only 19, after all.

"Oh! Oh! Do you want to see my novelty toy collection?" Matt bounced in excitement.

"Uhh-"

"Let's not spam her with questions, guys. Would you like to sit, Y/N?" Edd pointed to the sofa.

Sitting down wouldn't be too bad either. Your body was tired. You nodded at Edd and he escorted you to the sofa, where you took a seat.

It was much more comfortable in person than it looked on Youtube.

A glass of water was placed in front of you by Tord.

"Thanks, Tord."

"No problem," he started walking away, "If anybody needs me, I'll be in my room."

You felt the sofa sink beside you. The scent of cola filled your nostrils.

"So, Y/N..." Edd cracked open a cold can of cola and took a drink, "Do you know what happened?"

You had to think for a moment, "Um, I remember clicking a link on my phone, and then I got zapped by something. And then I ended up here."

Wait. How are you going to get home? You have homework to do, and your parents are making dinner.

"Hmm. That sounds a bit weird. You flew out of the television, and that's all that happened on our end."

You nodded your head in response, "How will I get back home?"

"I-I don't know," Edd sounded nervous.

Maybe Tord can help.

"Maybe she needs a magic mirror!" Matt stood in the doorway of the bathroom.

"That's a bad idea. Remember last time?" Edd turned to look at him.

You already knew what happened: a sword flew out of the mirror.

"C-Can I talk to Tord?" You hoped that it didn't seem suspicious to be asking for the Norwegian out of the blue.

Did they know about his lab yet?

"Sure! Let's go to his room."

You stood and Edd guided you to Tord's room.

He knocked, "Hey, Tord! Y/N wants to talk to you!"

"Just a second." Came the muffled response.

Seconds later, you heard chaos in his room. It sounded like the wall was closing. Or more specifically, his lab.

You heard the click of his door unlocking before he opened it.

"What can I do for you, Y/N?"

[yikesharringrove]

ok so i just had a dream about this and i feel the need to tell you because its prime protective Billy shit. So after the whole mind flayed thing Steve and Billy get to be pretty close friends, and almost immediately they both fall for each other HARD, but both of them refuse to believe the other could ever like them, despite Robin screaming at both of them to just ask the other one out already. (pt.)

(pt.2) one day some random dude comes into the video store and starts flirting with steve, who figures he hasn’t gone on a date since Nancy, the guys cute, sure he’s not Billy but he seems nice enough and steve is also just very lonely, so they set up a date for that Friday at 6:00 and Steve is pretty excited. When he gets to his house and tells Billy, who was there for their wednesday horror movie night, billy tried to seem happy for him even though he ready to kill this guy

(pt.3) Billy does a pretty decent job at hiding his feelings about the date, and he doesn’t want to hold Steve back, but when he gets home he calls Robin and bitches for a sold 30 minutes, she just tells him if he’d got his shit together and just asked Steve our this wouldn’t be a problem. So the day of the date rolls around and Billy doesn’t see Steve all day, can’t bring himself to see him so excite to go date someone else. Around 6:15 his phone buzzes with a call from Steve             (pt.4) he answers and when he does Steve sounds awful, he’s been crying for a while. Asks if Billy can come pick him up, and billy speeds his way there. When he shows up and sees steve leaning against the brick wall rubbing away tears he loses it. Asks him what happened and Steve quietly tells him his date was a huge asshole, flirted with the waitress, pointed out the scar on steve’s hairline and told him he’d be a lot cuter without it, but don’t worry you’re still good enough for a fuck

(pt.5) Billy is ready to kill someone, he hugs steve and drags him to his car and tells him to stay put, slams the door and gets inside before steve can argue, find the guys pretty quickly, grabs him by the collar and spits out some pretty harsh words drops him to the floor and leaves. They are both quiet on the drive back but when billy drops steve off at his house he sheepishly asks him to stay, when billy tells him it’s a bad idea steve says okay and kisses him goodnight. Billy almost faints. 

I am SO SORRY this took a thousand years, it got a lil lost in my inbox.This is modern, Billy got possessed but the kids burned it outta him, everything else is canon.

“Who the fuck is that?”

Billy was “helping” Robin re-shelve, which meant he was pulling random movies off their shelves and putting them in different spots until she noticed and yelled at him.

She looked in the direction Billy was glaring, looked to see Steve batting his eyes as that guy, the tall jocky guy that comes in a few days a week to flirt with Steve.

“Oh, that’s Ben. He comes in all the time and flirts with Steve.” Billy’s eyes were dark.

“And does Steve, does he always, flirt back?” Robin rolled her eyes. Billy was so bad at acting nonchalant.

“Yeah, Dingus really has a thing for him. Talks to me nonstop about him.” Of course he talks about Billy way more often, but Robin is over the two of them being so fucking oblivious.

“Oh. Good for him.” Billy was blinking a lot.

Steve was leaning over the counter, was giggling like a schoolgirl.

The bell over the door jingled. Billy was gone.

-

Wednesday nights had become a tradition. Billy and Robin would come over to Steve’s, would take turns picking scarier and scarier movies.

It all started because Robin thought Steve should expand his horizons, and Billy liked the way Steve would get scared, would hide in Billy, would shove his face into his chest, or his arm, or wiggle his way into his lap.

But he was not in the mood for a movie tonight. Not after watching the way Steve had gone all bashful earlier.

But he found himself pushing open the double doors anyway.

“Bill! Guess what!” Steve was jamming around the kitchen in thick socks and little shorts, a faded Hawkins High Swim Team sweatshirt, and his glasses, like he was trying to fucking kill Billy with how adorable he is. “I got a date!” Billy’s heart thumped to a stop.

“You, you what?”

“I got a date! With that cute Benny that comes into Family Video. He asked me out! We’re gonna go to dinner on Friday!” Steve was so fucking excited. Billy couldn’t find it within himself to bring down the mood. “I just, you know how lonely I’ve been, and, I haven’t been on a date since Nancy.”

Steve was rambling, going on and on about this fucking guy. Was talking over the movie, which normally, Billy would think was kinda cute, but it was all, Benny said the SWEETEST thing, or look at this meme Benny sent.

Billy was about four second from tearing his hair out.

He was driving Robin home after movie night needed to vent.

“Look, I’m not saying I want Steve to be unhappy. I want him to be so happy. But I just, I get a bad feeling about that Benjamin guy.” Robin rolled her eyes.

“Well if you had gotten your head outta your ass and just asked Steve out like I fucking told you to, you, Billiam could be going on a date with our sweet Dingus.”

“I just, after everything this summer, I didn’t know if, if he was ready, and he never really seemed the same after the Nancy shit.”

“That’s a lame excuse and you know it.”

It was. And he knew it.

He avoided Steve the next two days. Couldn’t deal with all the excited posts on Steve’s secret Insatgram account, the one just for his friends.

Apparently he had done a face mask, had taken a fucking candlelit bath. He posted outfit options on his story.

Billy spent Friday chain-smoking in bed, yelling at Max whenever he got kicked off Netflix for too many screen in use.

Steve was getting picked up at 6. Had been posting a fucking countdown on his story. Billy wanted to crawl into a hole and fucking die.

When 6 came, Billy was working out, listening to loud, angry music as he lifted weights. He was trying his fucking best to keep his mind off of Steve, that fucking Benjamin.

But his music was interrupted by his phone going off, Steve’s contact picture filling the screen, a silly one Billy loved of Robin shoving marshmallows into his mouth. He could fit 17.

“What’s up?” It was only half past 6. Something must’ve happened. “Stevie, are you okay?” He could hear Steve sniffling.

“Bill, could you come pick me up?”

Billy was already out the door.”

“Drop your location, Pretty Boy. I’m on my way right now. Don’t move. I’ll be there soon.” Billy sped to the diner.

He saw Steve sitting on the curb outside, his face buried into his knees.

He had gone with outfit option number 4 from his Instagram, a thick cardigan, made of soft dark green wool, his nice jeans, the ones that made his ass look great, and a soft t-shirt. His hair was the most done Billy had seen it in a while. It made Billy’s heart break.

He pulled into a spot, dropping to sit next to Steve.

“You wanna talk about it?” His eyes were red-rimmed, glazed over as he loked at Billy.

“He was, he was so different from how he, how he was. He kept ignoring me, and flirting with the waitress, and he kept like, pointing out the scars on my face, like, like the one here,” he poked at his hairline. “And he said, I’d cuter without it, but, but that I’m still okay for a fuck if he took me face down, because, because my ass is the only thing I got goin’ for me-” Billy pulled him into a tight hug.

“I’m so sorry, Baby. You’re so much better than that, than him.” He kissed the mark on Steve’s hairline. “He still in there?”

“Yeah. I asked him to take me home and he said if I was gonna give him blueballs he might as well fuck the waitress. Since she’s hotter than me anyhow.”

“Stay here.” Billy got up, cracking his neck as he walked into the diner. He found the guy right away, was smiling so sleazy at the waitress in question who looked like she’d rather die than go out with him, but needed a good tip. He stared at her ass when she walked away.

Billy sat in the seat across from his.

“So, Benjamin. Figured you and I ought the have a little chat.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“My name’s Billy.” Ben rolled his eyes.

“God, Steve wouldn’t shut the fuck up about you.” Billy’s heart swelled, but he was on a mission.

“Steve is the best person in this whole God-forsaken world. And you dare treat him like he’s shit on your shoe. You’re fucking disgusting.” He reached up, pulling on the collar of his shirt, slamming his nose into the table, letting his head bounce back up.

“What the fuck, you psycho.”

“He is like sunshine, he is the only thing good in this fucking town, and you have the audacity to hurt him. He is made of love, and you could;ve had him, but you’re a garbage human who deserves jack shit.” He stood from the table, Ben’s nose bleeding into a mad of napkins.

“If you don’t at least text him an apology, I will be breaking more than just your nose.”

Billy stood up, sweeping out of the diner to find Steve waiting by the passenger seat of his car. They drove to Steve’s in silence apart from the odd sniffle from Steve.

They sat for a moment in his drive way, the car off, crickets chirping in the bushes.

“I heard what you said.” Steve’s eyes were wide, his face shadowed.

“And?”

“I didn’t know you felt like that. About me I mean.” Billy sighed.

“Stevie, you are probably the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And I, I love you.” Billy was fidgeting with the steering wheel.

“You mean it?” Billy just nodded, looking straight ahead through the windshield at Steve’s house. “I love you too. Like, a lot. I just thought, maybe you didn’t, didn’t feel the same.” Billy whipped around to look at Steve, see if he was lying.

All he say on his face was such happiness at Billy’s admission.

“You should stay the night.” Steve’s hand was closing around his wrist.

“Look, if we’re gonna do this, I wanna do it right. I wanna, take you out, and spend time with you in a, in a romantic way before we, before we do anything.” Steve’s eyes were so soft.

“Okay. You wanna go out tomorrow? We can do something chill, like, like see a movie.”

“I would really like that, Pretty Boy.” He took Steve’s hand.

“Can I kiss you goodnight, then? Kiss you thanks for saving me back there. Being my knight in shining armor, defending my honor and all that?” Billy’s mind was spinning as he breathed out yeah.

Kissing Steve was as perfect as he always thought it would be.

His pretty lips were soft, and he made these breathy little noises into Billy’s mouth, their hands were still clasped together, Steve’s other holding onto Billy’s bicep, Billy weaving a hand into Steve’s hair.

Steve’s eyes were closed when they pulled apart, they were soft when he blinked them open.

“So, tomorrow then.” Billy grinned, pressing a kiss to his nose.

“Tomorrow, Pretty Boy. I’ll call you in the morning. We’ll talk.” Steve danced like a loser all the way up to his porch, making Billy laugh and flash his headlights. He stumbled through the front door.

Billy texted Robin right when he got home, sent her a simple Benjamin’s the worst but you’ll be happy to know I pulled my head outta my ass :)

[blossom-hwa]

i have the hugest smile on my face right now. brave was a breather, though i did shed a few happy tears during the confrontation scene in the forest. also hyunjin's appearance I've been dying to meet him in the series! also when chan explained passing down the guardianship to changbin i freaking yELLED. like 1) CHAN IS WHIPPED OH MY GOD YES 2) CHANGBIIIIIIIN MY SWEET LITTLE BOI YES!!! okok im calm, i think. i swear you never fail to impress me with your writing. im so genuinely curious did you take a course in creative writing? or like you did you really just learn to write all on your own? because i swear the world building in this one, oh how i wish i could live in it. it sounds like such a beautiful and enchanting place to live in. like a world actually worth living in. and the way you write the characters too, somehow simple but also heavy with emotion and substance. i was honestly afraid when i read up that yn was planning to go to war, i was like oh no is she gonna die please no, but i trusted you and yaaay a happy ending! like a wholesome happy ending, because jisung's happy ending made me sob 😂 this one just really put the widest smile on my face the whole time i was reading. im looking forward to more of your works in the whispers of nature series, as well as the others! i'll make sure to check them out the following days 😊 take care and have a good day!

first I just wanna say I love all of these memes and will be downloading them immediately. second I want to just scream because YOU CAME INTO MY INBOX AND DID IT AGAIN, MADE ME CRY, HOW DARE YOU I’M SOBBING INTO MY SLEEVE RN. I saw and read all of your reblogs and cried just from that NOW YOU’RE BACK IN MY INBOX TO DO IT AGAIN???????? thank you SO MUCH for your kind words, I've actually never taken classes in creative writing (just the gross standard English classes in high school sdkjgnsg) and there’s definitely a lot I have to improve on but to hear that you like my style this much..... thank you SO MUCH. I love you and hope you have a WONDERFUL day!!!!! 

[trans-earthworm]

please tell me about gay cabbage

okay so I haven’t looked at my inbox in like a million years so apologies for the late response but I do remember what tags this is about.

So the story goes my best friend Grace @ohsoshiftyswifty is super allergic to a bunch of stuff, mostly important to this incident is cabbage. Her younger sister geeks for their town’s farmers market hard every week because this one guy there sells egg rolls and they are absolute fire. So myself and the sister (I’m gonna refer to her as Moose for the this because I call her Moose since she’s taller than me and it upsets me) get ourselves a big ‘ol box of egg rolls with some sweet and sour sauce and are having a grand time. Grace can’t eat them because they have cabbage and she will die so Moose and I are making fun of her for being some kind of nerd who has allergies.

At the time this took place I had braces and as it turns out, cabbage likes to get caught in braces so after Moose and I finish eating, Grace gets back at me for bullying her about her allergies by bullying me for not being able to get all the crap out of my braces. One of her jabs was that I had to make sure anyone I kissed wasn’t allergic to cabbage because then I’d kill them but “wait haha you don’t have anyone to kiss you single loser”. (Not important but Moose was also bullying me with Grace which shows that she has no loyalty to a cause, the cause is oppressing the allergic). And we could have just gone back to Grace and Moose’s house and I could have taken tweezers to my braces to get the cabbage out but we couldn’t actually because we were trying to get to the movie theater cause we bought tickets online for Spider-man: Homecoming. I have always and will always love spider-man more than most things in this life so I was not willing to let us be late.

So we get to the theater and we have this system where one person buys the tickets and the other buys the popcorn, which we all just share, and the other provides the coupons that incentivized us to want to go to the movies in the first place. I don’t remember what Grace and Moose brought to the table on this particular summer afternoon a couple years ago but I remember that I was in charge of buying the popcorn, which is important. I go to the counter and since it’s like 3 pm on a weekday the theater’s dead so I have some friendly conversation with the cashier. And he was cute. I mean like he was way cuter than a kinda crappy theater in a tiny ass town in south eastern wisconsin has any business employing. It was even more amazing that I didn’t already know him because I went to school in that tiny ass town for three years so I pretty much knew everyone close to my age (and most of them are conservative pricks who made me transfer to a school in the town over so I could safely come out as trans so I do a lot to actively avoid those people). 

So I’m talking to the cute guy and Grace and Moose are like waiting for me to just grab the popcorn and soda so we can go sit down since I was the one who was kind of up Grace’s butt to get us to theater on time when she was driving from the farmer’s market. I am ignoring them. That leads Grace to more or less physically drag me away while also saying something - that the cute cashier definitely heard and probably was super confused about - about there being no time for cabbage.

We go sit down and enjoy the movie (we all immediately picked up on the trans coding for peter and discussed it at length, spider-man is trans) and forgot about the cabbage thing for two hours, except for the one specific shirtless tom holland scene that Moose saw me gawking at and she just whispered “cabbage” to me which made me lose my shit. When the movie ended and we waited for all the end credits scenes, I wanted to go back and find the cute cashier cause he told me that there were no end credits for the movie and I was like “bet” and he literally said “sit and wait for them then come back and tell me I’m wrong”, like hello that’s an opportunity. HOWEVER, by the time our movie got out the theater got all busy and there was a line for concessions.

This is where Grace and Moose turned over their mlm wlw solidarity cards (they’re gay and bi respectively). They were whining on and on and on about how they wanted to go back home because we were all planning on doing something there right after the movie. (I forget exactly what it was but knowing what we were like at the time this took place, it probably involved dying Grace’s or my hair). And I was practically begging them to just let me refill the popcorn on the way out so I could talk to the cute cashier again and maybe get his snapchat or something plus we take home a giant thing of the good movie theater popcorn. Did they care about my wants or the wants of the collective? [insert john mulaney screaming no! image].

They made me LEAVE before I could talk to this guy which I am still PISSED about. But I’m over it. (I’m not). And then after dragging me away from my shot at love in this cruel world they had the AUDACITY to keep making cabbage jokes to the point where we just started calling both the cute cashier and the entire situation of me wanting to talk to him “cabbage”.

How this meme between the three of us has persisted is that anytime we see someone hot that one us us wants to talk to or if any of us have a crush (not celebrity crushes though), it’s cabbage. We called the object of our affection cabbage, we would say that we are in a cabbage, we cabbage this individual. Basically its a shorthand that would allow us to discuss any degree of thirstiness while making it impossible for someone whose eavesdropping to figure out what the hell we’re talking about. This came up most recently with the cabbage situation at work that I was talking about it the tags of some post a while back.

I was cabbaging my coworker enrique for a little while (I got over that cabbage and we’re actually really tight friends now) at the same time he was cabbaging some dude who worked at the Taco Bell right next to us (enrique got over that cabbage and has a boyfriend now, they’re super cute together) all the while he noticed that a guy who was kinda young for me was cabbaging me in the store (I would say that he’s probably over that cabbage by now but how could he be? I’m stunning).  

That’s the explanation for the cabbage thing and also an example tutorial for how to drag out a short anecdote into a long pointless story. Use this cabbage shorthand wisely, if you so choose.

[starswornoaths]

@thechandraraj I got your ask for the parent question ask meme, but it showed up in my inbox all weird and I can’t for the life of me just directly answer it without tumblr having a stroke, so I wanted to apologize personally and also answer your question! (under the cut, because it’s a little long.) Thank you so much for the ask! :D

Parent Q&A ask!

“🚻 Did she ever have trouble sleeping as a kid? How'd you deal with that?”

“At first, as all babies tend to be, yes,” Myrina sighed around a nostalgic smile. “Being new parents, we were doing little Ella no favors, frantically searching for an answer when all she wanted was to be comfortable.” She let out a soft chuckle as she brought her teacup to her lips. “But once we figured out her routine in the evening? Much as Serella was her own source of unending energy, she was also child of habit; so long as she played hard that day and did her chores, she was ready for bed after dinner and a bath.” Her smile softened. “My Hanvesh would read to her every night. Called it, “exercising her mind so it doesn’t keep her awake,” he did. I used to think it was silly, but when he fell ill and I forgot to read to her, well. She was in our bedroom with a book in hand, passing it to her Da to read.”

She paused then, taking a little longer with her drink of tea as she dwelled on her son. Her baby Uthen, who couldn’t sleep those first long months without waking in tears, without screaming for his parents. The little boy who, in his sleep addled confusion, would cry and demand his real parents, would try to fight them with his little fists because he thought they were the Garleans who took his parents from him in the first place. The sweet child who needed to be approached in the same way she had approached shell shocked, full grown men who saw dragons in every shadow. It has been well over two decades since she has had to smooth his hair from his face, had to hold him until he remembered what cruelty brought him to Gridania, and hold him longer still as he wept, his loss made new all over again.

When she begins talking again, her words are carefully measured and slow.

“We learned a lot from raising Serella. By the time Uthengentle came to us, we had gotten a little better about looking for signs to make him comfortable. He needed to be read to as well, but he couldn’t sleep without a hug from everyone in the house. It was a sign that we were all there and loved him.” She set her cup down. “Kids...they tell us what’s wrong with them, but they don’t have all the words for it. They don’t know what will help them. They turn to us to help them find it. I...I had to learn that.”

[clockworkapothecary]

♣ Which of them have children to talk about, anyhow

((Welp, I completely forgot this was in my inbox, sorry about that!  I wasn’t able to track down the meme this was from but basically it was send a “♣“ for my muse to talk about their children, as I recall.))

Alexander:

His posture stiffens noticeably at the question, his jaw tightening.  This has never been an easy subject, for him.  “I have a son,” he says quietly, carefully avoiding the emotion that threatens to slip into his tone. “Milo.  He’s… well, he’s a lot older than he looks.  He never did want to grow up.” A small smile breaks through despite his efforts to maintain his composure. “He was always quiet, even when he was a baby.  Most might find it strange, I suppose, but… that’s just how he is.  He doesn’t need words.”

He pauses, wistful. “We were very close.  But eventually there came a time when I had to leave him.  It was the beginning of the war, and I… I couldn’t afford any distractions.  I wanted him to be safe, and it would have been too great a risk to let him stay by my side.  That was the last time I saw him.”

A moment of painful silence. “The last I heard, his mother was looking after him.  And that’s good, of course.  I can’t think of any place he’ll be safer, and he’ll be better off with her.  But I may never get to see him again.”

((Alexander is also the father of a pair of twins, Peter and Alexa, but he can’t exactly talk about them because their mother has yet to tell him about them (at least in the main verse - we have far too many AU versions of this little family so it’s tricky to keep track of)))

Damian:

He looks tired, a small sigh escaping at the question. “I have three sons.  Zach, Vaughn, and Alexander.  They’re all idiots.  I love them more than anything in the world and would do anything to keep them safe, but they’re all fucking idiots.  Don’t tell them I said that.”

Melissa: ((she has children of her own, but not until later in the timeline.))

“Well, I think the orphans I cared for after the war count.  They all might as well have been my own.” She smiles brightly. "At one time there were... I believe eleven children under my care, all different ages, all from different parts of the city.  They came and went during the first year or so after the war.  It was a difficult time, you understand.  The war left so many without homes, and there were so many children at the refugee camps, alone and scared.  I did what I could for them.  it was… well, it was certainly a challenge sometimes.  Honestly, it’s a miracle we got by.  Over time most of the young ones were able to find new homes, something a bit more long-term.  I still send them all letters at Christmastime, and visit when I can. A few of them even got the chance to be reunited with their families.  Not everyone, though.”  Her smile turns bittersweet at the memory.

“Ava had been living on the streets for a few years before she came to me. She was… well, she was always something of a wild one.  I remember how she used to fight with the others, wouldn’t share a room with any of them.  She’d always sneak up to the attic and hide there - eventually we just decided to put a bed up there for her, so she could be comfortable at least.  Even when the others were adopted, she stuck around.  Probably something to do with the fact that she wouldn’t stop screaming every time anyone tried to get her to leave.  She’d been through more in seven years than most people can even imagine.  I can’t blame her for being so afraid.  It took her a while to warm up to me, of course, but I think I was much closer to her than to any of the little ones I looked after.  She needed someone to look after her.  And I can’t say she made the job very easy, but I loved her all the same.  She’s still like a daughter to me.”