#i love that we've still never explained the numbers

[hongtiddiez]

it's a bad day to be my friend

[marvelstan0905]

"Trust me, you're not heavy"

Boyfriend!Kenji Sato X FEM!Chubby/Plus Size! Reader

TW : insecurities regarding weight/fluff/wholesome/stammering/picking up/angst/slightly new relationship/comparison/lewd joke at the end/not proofread yet/ mixed POV

-Hi. This is for comfort. Mostly for me,because I am on the thicker side and these are thoughts that have coursed through my mind. If you will be triggered please don't go beyond the line. I am a Female/AFAB so it will be with she/her pronouns! I'm still gonna write other scenarios with GN readers in mind! Thank you for the love and support😘

©all rights reserved. the modification, translation, and plagiarism of my work is strictly prohibited.

Today was a relaxing day. A chill day from all the chaos that both me and Kenji had been going through. We were relaxing together at Kenji's house. My legs laid on his lap as I sat across from him on the couch. We were watching a movie occasionally being on our phones. Kenji put down his phone and looked at me thoughtfully.

"Hey baby?" Kenji started hesitantly as he took my hand and gently put my phone down. I hummed and smiled giving him my attention. "Can I ask why you don't let me pick you up or sit in my lap?"

I froze. I expected the question but I didn't really expect the question so soon ant so abruptly. I looked away from Kenji, clearing my throat.

"W-What do you mean, baby?" I cleared my throat and withdraw my legs from his lap hugging my knees. Kenji's eyes softened in concern as he observed your tense and almost, hiding body language.

"Well..baby we've been dating for quite a while yet you've never sat in my lap or let me pick you up. If I try to pick you up, you squirm away and stiffen up...did I do something to make you uncomfortable?" Kenji spoke sincerely as he gently took ahold of my hand, his thumb brushing against my knuckles. His beautiful mauve turquoise eyes held concern and guilt. I felt bad.

"N-No. Of course its not you, baby. It's me, really. I..I dont even know where to start really" I breathed with a nervous laughter. I played with his soft but calloused hands. Kenji felt relieved but it still didn't exactly explain why. He wouldn't pressure his girl to talk about it but they had great communication.

"Well you know,you can tell me anything. I'd never judge you. You're the perfect specimen to me" Kenji added with conviction and genuineness. I blushed and shook my head.

"I know that, my love. You'd never judge me. It's just..I'm not exactly small, you know? I don't weigh like 40kgs and stuff like that. Plus I've never really been lifted up or put my whole weight on someone, if that makes sense? Like for trustfall exercises at school, I never got a turn or piggy back rides. Stuff like that..I know it's stupid" I rambled whiles touching my head. I tugged on my sweater sleeves. Kenji's eyes softened and hardened at the same time, he was was quite upset people treated you that way. "Even if someone did volunteer they'd be huffing and puffing or straning. So I'd prefer if you didn't get a hernia or something like that picking me up"

"Welk to start baby, fuxk those people who treated you like that. I'd like their names and Instagram handles..Number 2. It doesn't matter that you don't weigh 40kgs or whatever. That's actually unhealthy but anyways. I don't care if you're not small. Just means there's more to touch and feel on" Kenji smirked whiles groping my pudgy love handles. I giggled and pushed his hands away causing him to chuckle.

"Babe. It's not stupid at all. Trust me, I won't get a hernia or huff or puff, okay? I'm an athlete, I play a sport which requires a great deal of strength. I probably lift weights heavier than you. Even if you weighed 6000lbs I'd glad pick you up and put you in my lap and arms"Kenji assured me whiles he pulled me closer and held my hands.

"I know it's scary but please trust me. I think you're the most beautiful girl ever. With all cute abundance as well. It means I get a marshmallow and extra softness to cuddle, okay?" Kenji smiled and stood up pulling us both to our feet. He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Can we try it? I promise I won't drop you or strain? I'm not fragile, my love. I won't break if I pick you up. Come on your dating the Ken Sato. Believe when I say you're not heavy at all"

Kenji was convincing but I was still anxious. I really didn't want to be embarrassing or scarred for life...again. I didn't want to witness my boyfriend struggle under my weight but then again, he was right. He did lift weights far heavier than me. His half alien self did have that extra strength and power. I looked up at him and Kenji gave me the puppy eyes and the pout. I groaned and sighed, he really did look like a kicked puppy. "Please princess of mine, please. Trust me?"

"Finnnne. I'm being serious, baby. I'm trusting you. J-Just a minute, okay?" I stammered anxiously. Kenji's smiled brightened up and without a second of hesitation, his large hands wrapped around my thick thighs and picked me up without a struggle or hassle. My instant reaction was to push him away and stiffened up, but I took a deep breath. Kenji wrapped my legs around his waist. His hands laid comfortably under my thighs. I looked at him expecting a tomato face or something but he seemed..fine. Genuinely content and happy as he rocked from side to side slowly.

" Look at that..I'm not huffing or puffing. Neither am I crumbling. See ,baby trust me. You're as light as a paperclip to me. I can toss you around like a ragdoll if I wanted" Kenji shrugged with a triumphant smirk as his hands climbed up and onto my rear. I flushed and breathed a sigh of relief. It was still a lot to get used to but I really liked this. It was nice."Feels good, huh? Plus you're all nice and close to me. I get to kiss you more too"

Kenji spoke softly whiles his lips peppered kisses all over my face. Small flustered giggles left my lips as I leaned into his affection.

"Guess I was too anxious. Thank you, baby. Means alot that you're patient like this. The reassurance means alot as well" I say softly whiles nuzzling my cheek against his cheek. Kenji hummed in satisfaction as well nuzzling against me as well.

"This is nothing, baby. I just wanted you close and for you to be more comfortable in your own skin. I love you so much. All of you. In and out, okay? In fact, I'd like to add to all that chubbiness. Just make you eat even more" Kenji murmured whiles kissing my cheek continously. I giggled and shook my head. We stood like this for a few minutes in a comfortable silence as we exchanged kisses and nuzzles. It was so nice and intimate. The once nervous and anxious air from before seemed to have dissipated as we cuddled in content.

"You know this means I can eat you out in the air now" Kenji murmured with his cheek restint against my head. I clicked my tongue, with a flustered gasp and gently pinched his chest. "Ow! What? Wishful thinking..you know? A little manhandling..come on you know you want to?"

"Kenji Sato!"

"Okay..Okay..I'm sorry..maybe we can try the butterfly position now-"

Thwack

"Ow!O-Okay. Okay. I'm sorry, babygirl. We can talk later hmm?"

[ryescapades]

I am so hopelessly in love with Narumi 😩❤️ he’s such a dork

Could you maybe do Narumi taking us on a date please 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 it would be so cute to see him fumble over his words tryna be all tough while he’s hiding how much of a simp he really is.

a/n: was planning on posting this tmr but since its 500 followers day today, i gib yall narumi as a present 🫴 tqsm anon !! i hope i did your request justice tho

the fact that you’re dating narumi gen isn't a secret in the defense force, per se. it's just that you never really flaunted your relationship because the two of you aren't the type to overdo the pda that much.

though you'd argue that gen would immediately stick himself to your side if he so much as catches sight of you in his peripheral. but nevertheless, the most you two would be doing out in the open is just narumi wrapping an arm around your waist as you explain to him about the findings you'd made that day, professionalism still bleeding out of your mannerisms.

intimacy behind closed doors and away from prying eyes is always the sweetest, you'd learned (read: narumi just doesn't want people to see how much of a putty he'd been reduced to whenever he's with you. he has a reputation to uphold, after all).

hence seeing him suddenly and openly asks you out during office hours kind of brings everyone to an immediate stop.

"hey. get ready in ten."

that's all he'd said, after bursting through the operation room door and marching to where you're currently working. you try not to cringe at the way the other officers in the room stare curiously and in interest at the two of you.

"excuse me?" you blink. narumi repeats his statement, making you gape even wider in disbelief. "gen, i'm still working. and you're..." you quietly trail off, eyes questioningly roving over his figure that's still clad in his numbers weapon 1 suit.

he only stands straighter, the looming bayonet in his hand is held carefully so that it's not bumping against the tables and shelves around him. by his stubborn stance, you know you're not winning this one.

and thus, you find yourself at a small family restaurant in the nearest neighborhood located in the inlands of koto city, shoulders brushing together as you sit beside narumi who is now dressed in the usual defense force uniform (you guys will eventually have to go back to work in a few hours, sadly).

"you know... we've been together for months. why do you look like you're taking me to our first date?" you say out of nowhere, mindlessly staring as plates upon plates of delicious food are being served in front of you. your mouth waters at the sight.

oh, forgot to mention how red your boyfriend has been for the past thirty minutes. he barely even looked at you ever since the two of you left the headquarters, opting to hide his eyes under the foggy grey of his bangs.

narumi seems genuinely triggered by your question. "h-hah?! i don't look like that! what the hell are you talking about?! maybe you just couldn't stop looking at me because i'm so good-looking, huh? i knew it!" he gloats, trying to play it off but his hand grips the chopstick so tightly you're worried they might snap in halves.

"gen, i could feel you hesitating to hold my hand one too many times when we were walking earlier." you point out with a teasing smile, sending him into a frenzy of offended swears as you secretly eye the way the tips of his ears are tinted pink.

a wave of emotions rush through you as he continues to grumpily denies your claim, your chest suddenly feeling tight with how fast your heart is beating.

narumi's ramblings stop when you reach a hand out to tenderly hold his face, the other moves to run through his hair back to reveal the beautiful pair of rouge eyes that you've grown to love. "there’s my baby." you giggle.

it's like someone has turned up the dial on his internal embarrassment thermostat to maximum, his insides are almost set ablaze at your loving gaze. "w-what are you saying, you—!" blood shoots up to his cheeks, painting the soft skin a pretty shade of red.

saving himself from further humiliation, narumi pulls away from your touch and bites out, "start eating or i'll finish everything so you won't get to eat at all!"

you take note of the small adorable pout on his lips, and that each one of the food he shoves onto your plate is your favorite kind.

©🅁🅈🄴🅂🄲🄰🄿🄰🄳🄴🅂. do not steal, translate or repost my work anywhere else !

[briefalpacashark]

~Drunk Boys~

The boys from 141 get drunk and you have to pick them up.

Warning: Drunk, violence.

Parts inspired from New Girl. If you know you know.

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One lovely evening you sat in your little office space. The boys had headed off quite some time ago for a few drinks. Your usual Friday night outing didn't include you that time because of a few reports you had put off. It was pulling onto 1am when your phone started to ring. It was a new number you had never seen before.

“Hello, this is Y/N speaking,” you said.

“Hey uh doc?” It was Gaz voice that came through the call. 

“Gaz?” you asked.

“Who you talking to?” you could hear Jonny ask in the background.

“I'm talking to doc,” Gaz stated.

“Oh, why?” Jonny whispered.

“I don't know,” Gaz murmured back. It didn't take a detective to establish by their slurred tones that they were drunk.

“Gaz, why are you calling me from a random number?” you asked.

“I don't know. Our phones got wet,” he explained.

“Our?” you asked.

“Yeah Me, Soap, Ghost and Price,” he stated with a sassy tone, as if it was your fault for not knowing. 

“So you fucked you phones?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Gaz nodded.

“And you called me, why?” you asked. There was silence for a bit.

“Captain, why am I calling Doc again?” Gaz asked.

“Because we lost the fucking car and we need a lift back to base,” Price snapped in the distance.

“Because we lost the fucking car and we need a lift back to base,” Gaz tone was much calmer and sweeter than Prices. A small smile worked its way onto your face.

“Alright, ill be there soon. Where are you?” you asked, making your way to the door.

“Not at the base,” Gaz said.

“I know that Gaz. Where are you now?” It was like talking to a toddler.

“Oh, We're at McDonalds,” he said before the line went dead. There were three McDonalds in the town. You thought they would be at the one closest to the bar. You were right. You were about to pull into the car park when you paused. Alittle down the street, right under the McDonalds sign sat four blobs. Driving up to it, you slammed on the brakes at what you saw. 

Price was sitting with his arms crossed. His hat looked to have been ripped in half and then shakily put back together with some staples, a tuft of his hair sticking out the top. Next to him Ghost with a traffic cone on his head and one tucked in his lap as he sat cross-legged. He was hugging it, and the one in his lap had been drawn on, and made up to look like a person, with a hat and a bikini loosely tied around it. One of his jacket sleeves was missing as if it had been torn clean off. Jonny sat next to him shirtless, with a patch of hair missing from his chest. Over it a pink glittery 21st birthday sash. His mohawk sprinkled with glitter and a kilt. Gaz had left in a pair of jeans, he was now in a pair of pink booty shorts that you would place money on that had some word like bitch or booty on the back of bedazzled gems. A crown of beer cans ducked taped around his head compelled the fit. All about them, strewn across the floor was a variety of McDonald's food, ranging from ice-creams to nuggets. They were all happily munching away. And they were all missing their left shoe?

You got out of the car phone at the ready.

“Say cheese boys,” you called. Drunkenly, they all looked up in your general direction, taking a photo. You chuckled, pocketing your phone and hands as you looked over them all. Wondering what the hell happened to them. 

“Ah, it's doc. What are you doing here, lovey?” Jonny asked in excitement, throwing his hands to the air.

“I'm here to pick you boys up,” you said.

“Pah, no we're alright. We've still got to go to another bar. Ain't that right LT?” Jonny asked, waving you away.

“Aye. I want another lager,” Ghost stated defiantly.

“I think you boys have had enough. Just look at the state of ya,” you gestured to them. 

“Wow, body shaming. Shame on you Y/N,” Gaz slurred, shaking his head disappointingly.

“Your all wet. Each of you has a piece of clothing damaged and all of you haven't even made eye contact with me yet,” you explained. Instantly, they all turned to stare into your eyes.

“Bull shit,” Jonny hiccuped before taking a bite of his burger. 

“Sargent, Report,” Price spoke up. You paused, considering his words as he stared down at the road in front of him.

“Report sir?” you asked. He nodded, tipping forward ever so slightly. Your eyes widened. He was absolutely plastered. They all were. 

“Your all drunk as fuck,” you said simply, your sentence finishing in a bewilder chuckle. The boys could hold their liquer, hell you have ever seen Gaz and Jonny drunk. 

“Am not,” Jonnys offended tone had you laughing again.

“Of sorry. My mistake, your only eating ice cream burger because you want to,” you jabbed you fingers at the burger in his hands. The ice cream was dripping down his arms and it looked like he had stacked nuggets, chips and a shit ton of cheese into the mix.

“As a matter of fact I did want to,” he said moving his hand about, the contents of the burger slopping onto the ground.

“Awww,” Jonny whined.

“Five second rule bruv,” Gaz said reaching bow to pick up a handful of the mess reconstructing the burger and handing it back to Jonny.

“Thanks Gaz,” Jonny seemed genuinely thankful. You held back a gag as he moved it to his mouth.

“Don't eat that,” you warned. You sure as hell didn't want him getting sick of all the gems that were now thrown into the burger mix. 

“I'll do what I want to do, because I can do whatever I want to do because I can do it,” he slurred.

“Jonny you eat that burger and I'll never speak to you again,” you proposed the ultimatum. He paused, pondering for a moment.

“What if I drink it?” he asked.

“Your gonna drink a burger?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

“Aye,” he nodded confidently.

“I bet you a tenner you can't,” Price spoke up. The poor man looked to be dozing in and out of sleep.

“I'll take that bet,” Jonny said.

“Jonny that was on the road,” you pleaded.

“And?” he asked.

“Put it down,” you ordered sternly. With a grumble, he chucked the burger down like a toddler throwing a tantrum. The boys held back their giggles. You heard that right giggle. And it was stared by none other than the man himself. Price. He was giggling. The high-pitched noise sounded off coming from him.

“Ohhhhhhhh mums mad at you,” Gaz joked, nudging his side.

“Sod off,” Jonny grumbled.

“Alright where’s the phone you called me from?” you asked.

“Why?” Gaz questioned.

“Because you called me from a random number, which means you had someone else’s phone. By the state of you lot I wouldn't be surprised if you stole it,” you explained.

“Right, it's over there,” Gaz grabbed his thumb to the phone booth. You first thought they had called you from it, but when you noticed the little pink box, you walked up to it to get a closer look. It was an iPhone. In a pink case, it was cracked to kingdom come and they had somehow lodged it in the credit card reader. You tried tugging it out to no avail. What you did find was Gaz’s phone propped up on the little stand with his contacts open with your name and number on it. Deciding not to question the backwards thinking that led them there you pocketed Gaz’s phone, walking back to the boys.

“Alright, I want the truth ok. What happened?” you asked a little concerned.

“Meet up with some airforce boys. They tried to act all high and mighty,” Price shrugged.

“Said they could drink more than us,” Ghost added.

“We had to prove them wrong,” Jonny explained.

“And we did. But then they brought out, Um what was it called?” Gaz clicked his fingers. 

“Abstanance,” Jonny proclaimed proudly. 

“Absinthe?” you asked in shock.

“Hell yeah, drunk those fuckers under the table.” Ghost nodded.

“Dunk yourselves under the table by the looks of it. Why are you wet? And what the fuck happened to ya shoes?” you asked.

“The ducks were drowning,” Gaz stated simply.

“And there was a bar that takes your shoe when you start a tab. It's to prevent running out without payed your tab,” Jonny added.

“So you all rescued ducks and ran out on a tab?” you asked. The boys pondered for a moment realized how bad it sounded. 

“Yes,” Ghost nodded.

“No,” the rest of them said. 

“And only Ghost rescued the ducks, I fell in, Gaz tried to rescue me but couldn't and Price saved us both,” Jonny explained as if it fixed it all.

“You shouldn't have been hanging around ponds this drunk. It's dangerous,” you murmured.

“For your information, it wasn't a pond,” Gaz stated defensively.

“Oh yeah, what was it?” you cooed back.

“It was the fountain,” he pointed across the way into the park where a fountain was lit up. A knee deep fountain. 

“Right, get in the car. Come on,” the boys groaned.

“We can't,” Gaz said.

“And why not?” you asked.

“Cause,” he trailed off. “Legs an’t working,” he finished. The boys all gave him approving nodds thinking his excuse was to tire brilliance.

“Well, I guess I'll just help you. Come on,” you helped Gaz up first, sliding him into the back of the car. 

“I don't wanna go,” Jonny whined.

“I know big guy,” you cooed. Sliding him in next to Gaz, you shook your head when they started giggling. 

“Your turn,” you gestured Ghost up. 

“Am I under arrest?” he asked.

“What? No,” you shook your head.

“Oh really. Seemed like it.” his hint of sass had you pointing to the car. With a grumble he got up and walked to the car, slipping into the middle seat. You frowned, ducking your head to see the other door open, Jonny now sitting at the far side and Gaz nowhere to be seen. Looking back to the makeshift picnic, you saw him back at the phone booth.

“For fuck’s sake, Stay,” you order the two in the car. Walking up to him, you frowned as he held the phone up to his ear.

“What you doing Gaz?” you asked.

“Ringling Doc. She needs to come pick us up,” he said whole heartedly forgetting that you were there already. With a huffed you took him by the arms, pulling him back. You sighed when you saw Ghost and Jonny sitting back on the curb happily munching away. You sat Gaz in the back of the car, deciding to lock the back door this time. You then filed in Jonny than Ghost. Closing the door behind them, you made your way back to Price.

“Come on sir,” you called softly. He looked up to you and with the biggest beaming brightest smile, and he giggled. God you had never seen anything more pure.

“Your sweet Doc,” he said. 

“Thank You sir. Now can you get in the car please,” you begged. 

“Yes Ma’am,” he nodded, suddenly shooting to his feet. And with that, he toppled back like a domino landing in the bush.

“Christ,” You scrambled to get him out, practically carrying him to the car. Putting him in the driver's seat you buckled him in. When your head rose to make sure the boys were all in you were met by empty back seats. 

“Doc, we can't leave the boys,” Price stated pointing out the window. Where the three men were gathered around a tree relieving themselves. Only Gaz seemed to just be standing there and Jonny appeared to be pissing on Ghost's boot.

“Get in the car!” You called out the window. Begrudgingly, they all piled back in. 

“Hang on, I need a piss,” Price spoke up just as they all buckled in. With a tired sigh you patiently waited. Then when he returned you drove off. 

“Wait, a minute, this ain't the way home,” Gaz suddenly pointed out.

“Yes I know. I think I know the bar you're talking about. We're going to go back there and pay your tab and get your shoes back. The higher ups would have a field day if you guys got in trouble,” you explained. Pulling up to the bar, you parked the car.

“Wait this is a police station,” Jonny pointed out. Yes, on the other side of the street, there was a police station. 

“We should go fight that police officer,” Ghost suggested.

“What? What police officer?” you asked.

“The one we stole this from,” Gaz said, pulling a taser gun that had been tucked in the back of his pants.

“You stole from a police officer!” you exclaimed.

“First of all he was an absolute piss head. A real fucker,” Price spoke up in a logical tone.

“Yeah, he tried to arrest Gaz,” Ghost added.

“Prick,” Gaz grumbled.

“Let's do this Lads,” Price grinned at the rest of them. Like a toddler hyped up on sugar.

“Actually, I think that might be a bad idea,” Gaz spoke up.

“Gaz,” Price called and Gaz hummed in response.

“I got two of these and you got two of those. And we got whatever da fuck Ghost is, lets go,” he held up two fists before stepping out of the car.

“No NO nonononono,” you reached over trying to grab at Price, but he was already gone.

“I swear to god if any of you move I'll give you tetanus shots in the morning,” you threw the threat back at the remaining men in the car. The tetanus shot was one of the worst shots you could get, and they all had bad memories of it. So at the threat, they quickly did their seat belts back up. 

“Christ,” you hissed, quickly hopping out of the car when you saw Price walk up to an officer hanging around outside.

While you were trying to deescalate the situation and explain to the cop why there was a drunk man trying to pick a fight, the boys were watching from the car. 

“She's scary,” Gaz whispered.

“What a fucking woman,” Ghost grumbled.

“I think I'm gonna ask her out,” Jonny declared. Ghost head snapped around faster than light.

“Fuck off,” he grumbled.

“Don't tell me what to do,” Jonny rumbled back.

“I bagsed her. You can't do shit,” Ghost said.

“Fucking when?” Jonny asked.

“Just then,” Ghost stated in a matter-of-fact tone.

“You can't bags a woman,” Gaz interjected.

“I know, women are strong beautiful beings to be respected and we are to respect their choices,” Ghost said, all the boys agreeing.

“But I still bags her,” he added at the end. 

“Fuck you Brit. If you like her, do something bout it!” Jonny snapped his blink slightly delayed. 

“Suck a cock scotsman,” Ghost snapped back.

“Do-Do you think you can beat me in a physical altercation of feisty cuffs?” Jonny fumbled with his words, raising his fists slightly. His aim was to star threateningly at his face but he missed the mark slightly staring at his knee. “I will beat you in a way you have NEver Beeenn beaten before,” Ghost stared at Jonny’s unfocused gaze. Before casually reaching over and giving him a gentle backhanded tap on his face. 

“OHHHHHH,” Gaz called from his middle seat.

“DAMMIT!” Jonny explained as if he had just received a full on punch but didn't move in the slightest.

“You just got hit in the face lad,” Gaz giggle.

“Hit me again!” Jonny dared. So Ghost did, repeating the same action. Only it didn't seem to compute in Jonny mind the second time. “I dare you, you put your hands on me one more time, Cause I swear, it will be an, I will-” Ghost reached over his wrist wrapping around the back of Jonny neck.

“Come closer so I can put you in a choke hold,” Ghost asked politely.

“No!” Jonny declared going to hit back only for his hand to completely miss and fall to the side harmlessly. The two fumbled in the back of the car not really accomplishing anything.

“Guys, look he's gettin the cop!” Gaz announced. They all looked out the car window to see the cop walk off.

You had tried and failed to calm them down. Price had demanded to see the cop that tried to arrest Gaz. The boys all piled out of the car, some more graceful than others, before rushing up to you.

“Oh god no, get back in the car please!” you begged.

“Gotta get loose,” Jonny stated, starting to do jumping jacks.

“Guys Doc is right. We should go,” Gaz stated.

“Pussy,” that one word from Ghost was all it took for Gaz to shrug his jacket off and start stretching.

“You guys are really gonna fight a cop!?” you asked, bewildered by it all. 

“Yes we are!” Jonny yelled confidently.

“No you're not!” You yelled. You couldn't believe it. It was like all common sense had been turned off in their heads.

“Ohhh Jonny’s in trouble,” Gaz grinned.

“Fuck you,” Jonny called reaching out to try and give Gaz a slight tap on the nuts.

“Dont touch my balls!” Gaz cried. 

“Yeah Jonny,” Ghost chuckled, amused by it all only for Jonny to try and hit his. Bewildered, you were utterly bewildered as you saw the group of highly trained soldiers all become involved in what you assumed was a game of hit the dick. They were all relatively bent over trying to protect their jewels while simultaneously trying to hit each other. Even price had been pulled into it.

“Guys come on,” you begged. 

“He touched my penis!” Jonny cried in a high-pitched voice.

“Don't touch my penis!” Gaz screamed right back. 

“Can I help you boys?” A cop walked out of the station.

“Officer. Hi. I am so sorry about them there just a little drunk, I'll get them home safely,” you quickly interjected yourself between them.

“It's the cop!” Jonny declared pointing at him. The cop was beyond confused. Because for one, he had never seen the boys before in his life. 

The truth of the story was that it was a comply different cop that had tried to arrest Gaz. They looked similar, and that was about it. And the only reason why he was trying to arrest Gaz was because he had stolen his taser gun.

But the boys could hardly see straight, so when they heard the cop was there, they trusted his words comply. 

“Come on, let's go!” Jonny declared as they all crowded around the poor man. Well, you tried to keep them back trying to speak over their taunts for a fight. The cop spoke into his radio, requesting backup.

“Please, this is all a big misunderstanding. They're actually really nice blokes,” your words fell on deaf ears.

“Pig!” Ghost said.

“Oh look, the little boy needs back up. We can take em,” Gaz said.

“If Laswell finds out about this, she’ll have your heads!” Your yell instantly had the boys silent.

“FUCKEN RUN!” Price ordered the fear filling them. Instantly they took off down the street.

“Serpentine!” Gaz yelled had them all running in a squiggly line. Which had Jonny and Gaz running into each other. Ghost even knocked his head on a low post not even flinching as he kept on running. That left you standing there out the front of the police station with a group of police officers. And you all watched as the boys disappeared down the street. 

“So um that,” you trailed off, pointing to them. “I uh,”

“I have no explanation for that,” you whispered in defeat. 

When you found Gaz he was still running down the street.

“GAZ GET IN THE CAR!” you yelled out the window.

“FUCK THE POLICE! FUCK POLICE WOMEN!” he yelled.

“WHAT!?” you yelled. He instantly stopped running up to the car window.

“I have nothing against women, officers. I understand how my words were terrible. I just heard you were a woman and everyone calls you all policemen so I wanted to be inclusive but I realize I was just singling you out,” he explained drunkenly.

“Gaz I'm not a police woman. Get in the fucken car,” you ordered.

“You can't fool me. FUCK POLICE WOMEN!” he yelled, taking off sprinting again. 

“Fuck this,” you grunted slamming on the breaks and jumping out he car. Gaz wasn't really sure what happened but one moment he was running down the street and the next he was in the back of the car the seat belt cut and tied around his hands and feet.

The others were a bit harder to find. Price was up a fucking willow tree. Getting him out of the tree was a fucking mission. You ended up just throwing random stuff at him until he eventually fell out. You used branches to tie him up and put him in the car as well. Finding Soap was a lucky find. You saw him stumbling down the street and when you called out to him he rushed into a club. As you walked in you realized quickly that you wouldn't have much luck finding him. It was packed to the brim and you couldn't see over anyone's heads. So you make your way up to the DJ booth.

“Hi, I'm trying to find a drunk scotsman. He's a vet. Do you mind?” you asked, gesturing to the microphone.

“Anything for our boys,” he said, handing it over.

“If you're a Scot and wearing a kilt, come up on stage for your prize!” Everyone cheered as you tucked yourself behind the DJ stand. Jonny walked up on stage basking in the cheers, raising his hands high in the air. 

And then you crash tackled him to the floor, tying him up with some power cords.

“Fucks sake Jonny,” you grunted after you had lugged his body out of the club and into the car. 

“Wow, they caught you before me, Captain. I'm surprised,” Jonny grinned smugly. You spent the next hour searching for Simon. You were about to give up when you decided to ring his phone. If Gaz’s still worked there was a chance his did too. Hearing the ringing you frowned. It wasn't just coming from your phone. Looking back to the boys, you could hear the muffled sound.

“Hello?” Ghost asked through the phone. His actual voice sounded once again from the back. Getting out of the car, you rounded it before pulling the boot open. There Ghost lay, his large body comedically tucked into the back, the Traffic cone still in his arms.

“How long have you been in there?” you asked.

“Since you caught Gaz,” he stated simply. With a deep sigh you gestured him out of the back. You knew you didn't need to tie him up and helped him to the front seat. Locking the doors, you started to drive everyone back to base.

“Boys, we've been kidnapped,” Price stated slowly. 

“Like hell we have,” Jonny whispered back.

“What are you boys whispering about back there?” You asked. With your eyes on the busy road, you failed to see them untie themselves and jimmy the lock.

“RONDEVU AT THE PUB BOYS!” Price ordered. Instantly, they all threw themselves out of the car and legged it in opposite directions. You had slammed on the brakes once they had done it. You watched them run, letting your tired head fall to the steering wheel.

“Give me strength,” you pleaded. This time you weren't so lucky in finding them. 

What happened was your phone rang again. From a new number.

“Hello?” you already knew who it was.

“Hey doc. Can you come pick us up? We lost the car,” Gaz's voice wafted through.

“Sure where are you? You asked.

“The police station,” he whispered bashfully.

So there you were back at the police station. You smiled bashfully at the officers the boys had tried to fight. Luckily for them you were a sweet talker. And the fact that they were military helped as well. They would have been charged with theft of a police officer and walking out on a tab. But you returned the taser gun, which hadn't been discharged. And you paid the tab with a generous tip getting their boots back in the process. The boys embarrassingly walked out of the station looking like puppies that had just been kicked. 

“Are you mad at us?” Jonny asked.

“Not mad, Just disappointed,” you shook your head. For the four drunk men the sentence was devastating, making them drop their head in guilt. A tiny smile pulled at your lips.

“Come on, let's get you home,” you ruffled Jonny's hair gently pulling them all out of the police station.

“Can we get McDonalds on the way home?” Gaz asked.

“I want an ice cream,” Price spoke up.

“Sure, why not?”

This time, the drive was much more peaceful. When you got back, you made sure they were all changed, well hydrated and tucked into bed. Which was incredibly hard because they had hit the pass out drunk stage. Ghost was the hardest. You managed to get him on the bed and his shirt and jacket off relatively easily. You paused momentarily as you saw his bare upper body. God damn the greek sculptures could take pointers from him. Your gaze softened as you saw all the scars and bullet holes that lined the ripples of his muscle. He's been through a lot. You felt slightly perverted as you undid his pants. Only they were wet and long, so you stood there yanking at them pulling them off inch by inch. Now you were using your whole body to get those bad boys off, so it didn't surprise you when you flew halfway across the room when you finally got them off. Breathing heavily, you gently lifted his legs back onto the bed. Grabbing the blanket, you tucked it up to his chin, your hand brushing against the wet mask. While the room was heated, it was still cold. Plus, you couldn't tell if it was water or blood from the hit that was on the top. 

“Alright Simon, I'm gonna take off your mask. But I'm gonna close my eyes so don't worry. I just don't want you waterboarding yourself in your sleep,” you whispered. He gave no response. With a deep breath, you reached up and closed your eyes. Your hands gathered the material at the bottom of the fabric and started rolling it up. In your focus you hadn't noticed Simon's eyes snap open at the movement. His hand had almost snapped around your wrist, only stopping when he saw your eyes closed. Slowly, he let his hand fall as you pulled the mask fully off. 

“Alright, now let's see if you did any damage to that head of yours?” you asked. Your hands brushed away his hair from his face, humming at the loose curls. His heart stirred as he stared at you, loving the blissful feeling your hands gave him as they moved across his face. When you were happy that it was only a lump he had sustained a small giggle left on your lips.

“That's gonna be a shiner mate,” you whispered.

He watched as your smile dropped slightly when her thumb brushed over a scar. You got a weird sense of DeJa'Vu as you thumb gently traced the scar. So many scars. Life certainly hadn't been kind to him.

"What am I gonna do with you huh?" you asked softly. Brushing his hair back once again, you stood.

“Night Simon,” you whispered before blindly making your way out the room. Simon watched the door close before looking up at the ceiling. His hand clasped over his rapidly beating heart as he came to the sudden realization. 

He was absolutely smitten for the Doc.

“Fuck,” he grunted.

================================================

=COD Master List Here=

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[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: Birthday Boy

————————————————————————-

Summary: December 10th, Joe’s 27th birthday spent with you and your twin boys.

Warnings: Fluff, *he's not injured!!*

Pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

Imagine universe: Into The Mystic

————————————————————————-

December 10th, 2023

Joe had awoken in bed by himself this morning to his surprise. He had expected you, his wife, to be waking him with smooches all over his face but your side of the bed was empty.

He rolled over to grab his phone off his nightstand when the setup sitting on it made him smile. Every year since you and Joe got together in high school when you guys were 16 and 17, on Joe’s birthday you'd get him white roses. The number of them would be the age he was turning that day. There they were, 27 white roses in a vase.

Realizing there was a card and a gift bag propped up next to it, Joe leaned up in bed and picked up the card first.

Happy Birthday, Joey!

Gosh, how are you 27?! You're getting old babe. JKJK. I just wanted to tell you that I’m so happy to share another birthday with you, this is the 11th one that we've celebrated together and I hope I've made every year better than the last. 26 was such a year for you, and I'm proud to say I was by your side for all of it. Cheers to another year of getting to show you how much I love you. You're my husband, my rock, my happiness, my high school sweetheart, and most importantly my best friend. I love you more than words can explain, Joey Shiesty.

To my nerdy, quirky, antisocial, video game, Kid Cudi-obsessed boy, Happy 27th birthday.

Love, your y/n.

Joe didn't realize tears were streaming down his cheeks till he put the card down and saw a wet spot on the blanket on his lap. He quickly composed himself and grabbed the gift bag.

Pulling the contents out of the bag, he felt his eyes well up again when he realized it was a photo album.

It was white leather and on the front in gold font, it simply read “Us.”

Joe flipped to the first page and it had a song lyric quoted.

“When they wanna see how true love should be, they'll just look at us.”

Flipping the page again, it was a collage of pictures of you and him as high school lovebirds. A picture of him picking you up after a win while you were in your cheer uniform, one of you two sitting next to each other at lunch just smiling from ear to ear, you and him sitting in the back of one of his friend's truck while at a drive-in movie, a pic of you two at senior prom, and finally one of you guys graduating.

Joe flipped the page and wasn't at all surprised to see it was the Ohio State era of his life. Since Joe was a year older than you, you were stuck in Athens still when Joe was a freshman at OSU. Long distance sucked, but you guys made it work, and multiple pictures were showcasing that. You took screenshots of you and Joe's face timing that he had never seen before. There was a lovesick look in his eye that made Joe giggle knowing he's still just as infatuated with you. His favorite picture was the one of him lying on top of you in his dorm bed, you were running your fingers through his mullet as you cuddled him.

The LSU page made Joe’s heart warm, so many pictures of you standing to the side and smiling at him just so proud of everything he had accomplished during his time there. There was one slightly spicy photo that made Joe do a double take. That was the first photo you had ever sent him with the intention of turning him on. While Joe was out doing something with the team after winning the national championship you put nothing on but his letterman jacket and the “Big Dick Joe” that he had.

The next few pages only made Joe smile get bigger.

In order it was him getting drafted, the 2022 AFC Championship win + engagement, the wedding, finding out I was pregnant, the gender reveal, the boy's arrival, and everything in between.

When the last few pages were empty for more memories Joe shut the book and put it off to the side. He again had to compose himself and wipe his eyes after the emotional walk through memory lane, you guys had been through so much together and Joe couldn't a picture his life without you.

Joe was about to text you but as soon as he went to grab his phone you were walking into the bedroom. Truthfully you had been downstairs listening to him secretly through the baby monitor you had put up in the bedroom. You had heard him wrestle around in the sheets before sniffles were heard. After it went quiet for a bit you went upstairs and watched him through the cracked bedroom door as he wiped his eyes.

You walked towards the bed with a stack of pumpkin-flavored pancakes topped with candles singing Happy Birthday as Joe wore a huge grin.

After you were finished singing, Joe blew out the candles and you placed the plate on his lap.

“G’morning, Joey. Happy Birthday, my love. - you

He pulled you into a hug and squeezed you so tight.

“I love you so much, y/n.” - Joe

You rubbed his back and kissed him after you pulled away, his arms still around your waist.

“What did you wish for when you blew out your candles?” - you

“Can't tell you, you know it wouldn't come true if I did.” - Joe

“You're no fun.” - you

“I'm just kidding, baby. I actually didn't make a wish.” - joe

“What why? Did I not give you enough time to? I'm sor-” - you

“No. You gave me plenty of time. I just don't have anything to wish for. I have everything I could ever want or need so there's no need for me to wish for something. I have a beautiful amazing wife, perfect twin boys, a good career…” - Joe

You stared at him dumbfounded, wondering how you were ever able to bag this sweet man.

“You’re gonna make me cry.” - you sniffled

“C’mere.” - Joe opened his arms to you

Immediately in his embrace, Joe held the back of your head and kissed your temple.

“I've already cried twice.” - Joe giggled

“Awe Joey. Okay enough sappy stuff, you eat your birthday breakfast while I go clean the kitchen up.” - you pulled away from him and headed for the door when he stopped you

“Wait don't go! I'll help you clean later, can you stay with me right now?” - Joe

You smiled sweetly at him before waking back over to the bed and getting under the covers with him.

Joe turned on Spongebob and ate his pancakes, a few minutes in you heard little feet in the hallway before knocks on the door could be heard.

“Mommy? Daddy?” - Tyson

“You can come in, Ty!” - Joe

The twins happily opened the door and toddled over to the bed. You lifted them onto the bed and they sat with their backs against the footboard.

Tyson giggled as he jokingly got his hand under the covers and tickled Joe’s foot. Joe played along with it for a little bit, loving the sound of his son’s laugh before he started fighting back.

“Do you boys remember what today is?” - you

“Uhm… no momma.” - Miles

“It's someone's birthday!” - you

Tyson and Miles looked at each other for a second before they gasped at the same time and yelled out the answer in unison.

“Daddy’s!” - The twins yelled

“Mhm! Remember what you guys made yesterday?” - you

The boys nodded and you instructed them to go retrieve what they made from their room.

Joe gave you a skeptical raised eyebrow look, but you just leaned in and kissed him while you still had the chance.

It wasn't long till you could hear those little feet again and Tyson and Miles were running back into the bedroom. They handed Joe a few pieces of paper after he put his empty plate on his nightstand.

Tyson drew a picture of him, his daddy, and his uncles passing football at the practice fields.

Miles drew a picture of him and Joe playing with Hot Wheels tracks.

The drawings had Joe feeling a different form of bliss, his heart warmed to an insane level as he looked at the little details in his boys’ drawings.

“I love them, boys. Thank you.” - Joe croaked

“You welcome!” - Tyson beamed

“Dada? You sad?” - Miles

“No, Daddy’s really happy.” - Joe

“But you cryin'…” - Miles

“He’s crying happy tears buddy, really happy tears.” - Joe

“Oh… okay!” - Miles

“You guys should go play. Mommy and Daddy are gonna clean up before Gramps and Grammy come.” - you

When the boys left the room you turned to Joe who was still crying. You softly kissed his cheek and wiped his tears off of his cheeks.

“You okay, baby?” - you

“Never been better. This is the best feeling.” - Joe

“Good. They worked hard on those. Come follow me downstairs. I have something cool to show you.” - you

“You gonna give me my 27 birthday spankings? Or is that later?” - joe

You laughed as you pulled him out of bed and shoved him into the closet, asking without words for him to put clothes on since he was only in boxers.

He returned in sweatpants and a T-shirt and followed you downstairs.

“Is the cool thing you have to show me a sink full of dishes? Or do I have to unload the dishwasher?” - Joe

“You’re exempt from those chores today since you are the birthday boy. But no, I’m giving you one of your gifts now.” - you

Joe smiled and I told him to close his eyes as we started walking into the kitchen. He did as you said and you took his hands in yours to guide him to where the setup on the counter was. You smiled at the secret camera you had recording and dropped Joe’s hands.

Telling him to open his eyes, Joe looked around rather confused but when he looked down at the counter his eyes went as wide as saucers.

There was a positive Clearblue test next to the same onesie you showed Joe when you found out you were pregnant with the twins.

You watched Joe’s eyes start to water as his chin started quivering, causing your own eyes to get misty as you smiled at him.

“You’re pregnant?” - Joe grinned

“Mhm.” - you smiled as tears dripped down your face

Immediately his arms were around you, lifting you and spinning you around as he cried into your neck.

“We’re having another baby!” - Joe cried

When he put you down, Joe picked up the pregnancy test with shaky hands and fell against the counter with his head buried in his arms. He was so overcome with emotion.

“Are you happy?” - you rubbed his back

Joe stood up abruptly and nodded vigorously.

“I've never been so happy. What if we have a girl, y/n? I could be a girl dad.” - Joe cried again

“Oh baby.” - you pulled him into your arms

Joe hugged you so tight but was now trying not to put pressure on your stomach now that he was aware his baby was in there.

“I love you so much, y/n. You and our family are the best things to have ever happened to me. I can't believe we're having another baby.” - Joe

“I love you and our babies so much. I can't believe it either, I'm so excited.” - you

“How long have you known? Well about the baby?” - Joe

“Not too long, found out a couple of days ago and thought I'd wait till today.” - you

Joe nodded and leaned down to be level with your stomach. It hasn't gotten bigger yet but Joe didn't care, his baby was still in there.

“Hey, baby. It's your daddy. Me and your momma already love you so much. We can't wait to meet you.” - Joe

“I have an ultrasound next week. Think you can go?” - you

“For sure. I'll make it happen.” - Joe

The rest of the day Joe couldn't keep his hands off of you, always making sure you weren't farther than arm's length away from him.

Robin asked what was up later at dinner when you rejected your usual favorite wine that she and Jimmy had brought.

You and Joe were ecstatic to tell his parents about Baby Burrow #3 coming next fall and they were just as happy finding out about their next grandkid.

That night after dinner, dessert (pumpkin pie of course), and putting the boys to sleep, Joe and I were lying in bed talking about everything baby.

“y/n, you know, I've only been 27 for a day but I feel like it's going to be the best year yet.” - Joe

“You think so?” - you

“I know so because I’m gonna spend it with you, our boys, and baby Burrow.” - Joe

You had a strange feeling that Joe was right, but also an overwhelming feeling of love washed over you. How'd you get so lucky with Joe?

————————————————————————-

Authors note: happy bday Joey B!

there was a birthday imagine request in my messages so here you go!

hope you enjoyed! 💕

[neerons]

Some of Nokto Klein’s best quotes

“You smell so good, as usual. Good enough to eat.” (—Nokto’s thoughts about Emma)

“I wanted to take her back to my room right then and there and slowly, leisurely lavish her with pleasure until she lay exhausted in my bed (...)”  (—Nokto’s thoughts about Emma)

“Don't you think you ought to get some sort of reward for all that pain?” (—Nokto to Licht)

“A long, long time ago, you protected me. Don't you think it's my turn to protect you now?” (—Nokto to Licht)

“I already knew this about me, but... you're quite the schemer too, aren't you?”

"You really think it's fine to be brutally honest about everything and anything, don't you?"

“Deciphering cryptograms is outside my realm of expertise. That guy has absolutely terrible handwriting. It's so bad that he can't even read it himself once he's written it.” (—Nokto talking about Clavis to Emma)

“Oh it’s nothing. My only regret is that I didn’t sock the man.” (—Nokto talking about a random man to Emma)

"I love you. I want to hug you, and kiss you, and ruin you in bed."

"(...) I think your strong point is how short you are, Evie. (...) It's touching to think that you're still expecting a growth spurt, despite being older than me." (—Nokto to Yves)

"You've been avoiding Licht, right? He's really down in the dumps about it, you know. You're not trying to friendzone him, are you?" (—Nokto to Emma in Licht’s story event)

"Not only is she quite the bookworm, she also used to work at a bookstore. I'm willing to bet that you'll never even read half the titles that she has. You couldn't ever keep up with her." (—Nokto talking about Emma to a random man)

“You're so pretty, but you ruin it by pulling those grumpy faces all the time.”

"Well, I guess that explains why a woman as pretty as you is still single."

"You know, I think I like this whole waking up with you at my side thing."

"I happened to be talking to Licht, and he asked me about it, so I did a little investigating. Just because." (—Nokto talking about doing Licht a favor to Leon and Emma)

"And here I was, hoping for a chance to experience the famous Belle slap that so impressed Sariel."

"Hey, what would you do if both Licht and I tried to court you at the same time? Who would you choose?"

"I'll stay close to you and make sure you don't get involved with any bad guys. As bad guy number one, I know all the signs, after all."

"Emma is more precious to me than anything else in the world, and I love her from the bottom of my heart." (—Nokto's thoughts)

"Given the situation, I'm at a loss, really. I can't decide whether I want Emma or the throne." (—Nokto to Sariel)

"I mean, you not only waited for me, you readied a place for me to come home to. You're the perfect woman for me."

"(...) There you were, looking like you were having far more fun with my brothers than you've had with me in ages— When for me, nobody satisfies this loneliness but you."

"It's a fresh look for you. I like it. And you did it so beautifully, too. (...) King Highness? How did he end up doing that?" (—Nokto complimenting Emma's hairstyle done by Chevalier, in Chevalier's route)

"I’m not sure if you realize, but Licht is totally stone-faced whenever you’re not around." (—Nokto in Licht’s event story)

"As far as I'm concerned, we could just forget about going outside and jump into bed right now. But I know how much you want to go to the carnival. We've come all the way here, so why don't we have some fun?"

"Saying such sweet things, and in such a sexy outfit too... how could I not want you?"

"Sorry to interrupt, but you might want to close your eyes for a second. (…) Of course I saw it coming. That’s why I didn’t warn you. (…) See, this is the best part about coming to the beach. Here you are, dripping wet and sexier than ever, and there’s nothing to stop us from doing this. (…) You look absolutely ravishing." (—Nokto hiding an upcoming ocean wave from Emma)

"I have to make sure I treat you right. Otherwise, you might leave me for someone else."

"(…) You always look gorgeous, but tonight… you’re utterly irresistible. I want to take my time, slowly ravishing every inch of you."

"I used to draw with Licht a lot when we were younger, but when we sat next to each other, it was annoying that we'd bump hands a lot. I thought everything would be resolved if I drew with my left hand. So after that, I made my left hand my dominant hand."

"I keep a closer eye on you than you realize, sweetheart. And you're my lovely fiancee now. Of course I'm going to know everything going on with you. You're the most beautiful woman to ever grace this palace, you know that?"

"I can do so many more dance moves now that I'm stronger, and I can also punch out anyone who tries to harm you."

"I know you don't want to hear this from me, Emma, but you have terrible luck with men."

"Still... Nervous or blushing, you're gorgeous either way. Just act like you normally do. Just be your usual, hardworking, clever, sexy self."

"Whaaat? That's not fair. I want a massage, too." (—Nokto being jealous of Emma only massaging Licht)

"I couldn't ruin your beautiful hair like that." (—Nokto refusing to cut Emma's hair)

"You don't look sick, though. Your skin's glowing, your lips are plump... Ah, what a fine dish you make. You don't need a snack; you ARE the snack."

"You don't mince words, do you? Damn, that was one insult after another, and—ahahaha!" (—Nokto laughing out loud as Emma insults Silvio behind his back)

[edsheeranong]

sweet pea x fem oc

A/N- i've never written before and idk if anyone will even see this but pls be nice. i've also not really watched riverdale in many years so i'm trying to piece things together but it won't follow the plot very well.

-archie andrews twin sister, delilah, is fed up with him being overprotective. so when a cute serpent offers her an opportunity, she can't turn it down

"andrews," an unfamiliar voice called out. delilah hummed in response, not bothering to look who it was and instead continued piling notebooks out of her locker. "i hear your brother doesn't like you dating, he goes around and tells everyone not to go near you, 'or else'" the boy said.

"can i help you with something or...?" delilah said, closing her locker and looking at the boy.

"sweet pea," he extended his hand out to her. she readjusted the stack of book in her hands to shake his. "i've got a proposition for you," he stated.

"look, you wouldn't be the first boy to think he can get with me without my brother finding out," she started walking and followed her. "it never ends well."

"i think i can handle him," he stated. she turned to look at him and realized he had a point. he was incredibly tall and muscular. "but anyway that's not what i'm suggesting," he pulled her into an alcove. "i hate your brother, he thinks he's the shit and he keeps messing with southsiders."

"why are you telling me this?" she cut him off.

"i think we can help each other out," he said, resulting in a raised eyebrow from the girl. "you hate him for controlling you, i just hate him."

"okay, i don't hate my brother," she said.

"but you're fed up with him telling everyone not to go out with you?" he asked, and she sighed and murmured in agreement. "i'm suggesting a little revenge."

"why me?" she asked, he was getting annoyed at how she kept interrupting him.

"i'm probably the person your brother hates most, at least at this school. and i hate your brother so much, being with his sister would just kill him," he explained.

"'with' as in..." she said.

"dating," he clarified.

"let me get this straight, you want me to fake date you so you can get back at my brother for being a dick and i can get back at him for controlling my love life?"

"yep, pretty much," he shrugged.

"i'm still confused," she admitted. "if we're not actually together, you're not really getting back at him."

"if he believes we're together, then it's like i took something from him. he tries so hard to keep you away from guys, and his number one enemy being the one you defy him for. it'll make him go crazy."

"it'll make things worse, he's only gonna harass you more," delilah pointed out.

"once again, i can deal with him," he said. "just think about it," he walked away, leaving her to think.

she walked home alone and really thought about his proposal. she was fully on board with showing archie he couldn't control her, but she was scared of what he would do to sweet pea. it was all she thought about that entire night and she decided she just needed to sleep on it.

the entire next day she kept trying to find a time to talk to him but he was always with someone.

she was about to take it as a sign but as she was leaving school, she turned the corner and ran right into him. he grabbed her arm to stabilize her and raised his eyebrows at her.

"so?" he asked.

"i'm down," she told him. he smirked at her and they started walking. he led her to the back of the school where his bike was. he handed her his helmet and she hesitated before taking it.

"well it would be bad manners not to drive my girl home," he said, noticing her confused expression.

"okay hold up," she said as he mounted the bike. "i think we need to have a conversation about this."

"what is there to talk about?"

"uh, i don't know. how long are we gonna do this for?" she sat down on the ledge in front of him.

"until we decide we've had enough," he said.

"okay... how is this... gonna work?" she asked and he pondered for a moment.

"well, we should make sure archie sees us together, obviously. but we gotta keep this act up around other people too," he pulled his leg off his bike and stepped closer to her, putting his hands on her knees and spreading them so he could stand between them.

Sweet pea took the moment of silence to take a good look at her. he had seen her around school, of course, but it was always from a distance. her hair was usually messy, due to the loose curls in it.

but looking at her up close was different. her eyes were bright green and her skin was almost sickly pale. she had freckles littered about her face. she was a lot to take in. sweet pea knew he wouldn't have asked her if she wasn't at least a little bit attracted to her.

it shocked him how different she looked from her twin brother. he had bright red hair and dark eyes but her hair was pitch black and piercing green eyes.

"okay," she managed to finally get out. "i have some rules though."

"rules?" he threw his head back. "i don't really do rules."

"we get it, you're a bad boy," she rolled her eyes at him. "and yes i have rules. number one, we keep my dad out of this. he's been through a lot recently and i don't want to stress him out more," she waited for a sign be understood and when he nodded his head she continued. "number two, nothing too physical. i've never had a boyfriend before and i don't want all my firsts to be wasted on a boy-"

"like me?" he cut her off. "a serpent? a southsider?"

"who isn't actually my boyfriend," she finished, clearly annoyed.

"fine, but nobodies going to believe we're dating if i can't kiss you," he pointed out.

"you can kiss me, but i'm not doing anything more," she told him. "number three, you can't tell anyone this isn't real. if it got back to archie, neither of us would live to see another day."

"my lips are sealed," he said. "now if that's all..." he picked her up by her waist and gently placed her on the ground. "i think it's time we set the plan in motion," he gestured toward his bike.

"sure, but archie won't be home," she said as he placed the helmet on her head and messed with the straps.

"where will he be?" he got back on his bike and patted the space behind him.

"him and veronica go to pops every friday after school," she explained, carefully climbing on the bike. he grabbed her arms and placed them around his torso.

"then i guess i know where we're going," he started his bike. "hold on tight."

[still-a-morosexual-help]

So how much of this do you think is real?

Because it ain't time travel so MC & Number 2 weren't really there when this really happened, which means in reality Lucifer didn't cave into Mammon's requests as easily as he does in this memory

In S2 Asmo says it's Michael who goes to Lucifer and asks him to take Mammon because Mammon won't stop acting up

So presumably, what really happened would be closer to that, than what we see happen when MC & Number 2 are present - Mammon keeps acting up (like mentioned in S2 & S3), Michael's punishments doesn't stop him from doing so despite them being harsh (like mentioned in S3) and Michael eventually goes to Lucifer for help & Lucifer ends up taking Mammon under his wing after spending a day/having a converstaion with him (like mentioned in S2) and Lucifer might give him the rose challenge as well

Also, considering these are Mammon's memories, they're likely more subjectively skewered than what actually happened

Anyway, here's how "Lucifer took them on while they were still kids" can still win

No but for real, I knew they'd never give us kid sprites of the characters but I refuse to believe they weren't children when they met Lucifer

Luckily, the idea of Mammon remembering the memory but with his present day self actually fits? Like, it's something you can pull meaning out of - I love the idea of him switching from his "adult self" to his "child self" inside his memory while arguing about staying with Lucifer

So my current theory was that;

In reality, this whole thing happened when Mammon was a child (think Luke's age or younger)

In the memory, Mammon's an adult, the same age as he is in Nightbringer, but he's following the script laid out my his child-self

Since MC & Number 2 weren't present during the actual events of this memory, he breaks out of the script when talking to them but still takes cues from his younger self on how he would have done things back then (eg: repeatedly calling Lucifer badass*)

I know that's not what Solmare intended but luckily the choices they made during this actually fit with this theory;

• Mammon who's good at high-speed driving surfing, flying, the trapeze falling out of a pegasus chariot is questionable. Consider, he was a child when that actually happened and.....

• *The limited vocabulary that Number 2 mentioned, when we've seen, multiple times, just how well Mammon can explain why he likes Lucifer so much without having to use "badass" over and over as a descriptor

• This might be a stretch because Mammon can act childish, specially when interacting with Lucifer, But his entire interaction with Lucifer

• Luke got a guardian at "age 10" (which took him hundreds? thousands? of years to reach). Assuming all angels get guardians at around the same age that means that Mammon had Michael from around "age 10" to adulthood (this would have take thousands? hundreds of thousands? of years) - there's no way Mammon would have lasted that long with Michael as a guardian, given how hard he was trying to make Lucifer take him on, given that at one point pre-Lucifer he was acting up so much the others thought he would Fall

• Levi and the others weren't even born at this time, if Mammon was an adult it'd make their age difference a lot larger than it seems (Mammon & Levi act like siblings who are relatively close in age vs Lucifer & the others who act like an adult and his kids - something the game has commented on a few times as well)

• This + all the stories Simeon was telling about when Mammon was "cute and did everything to impress Lucifer or make Lucifer happy" :

[rallamajoop]

I have too many feelings about Deus Ex: Mankind Divided (3/3)

The story so far: we've covered gameplay and worldbuilding, we've covered story. Now I get to talk characters. And while I'm at it, go off on a tangent or two about some of my favourite touches from Human Revolution, and why I'm still in the habit of calling the hero of these games by his last name.

Characters

Much as I do love Jensen, it’s no secret that Francis Pritchard is my favourite character in this series. His snarky banter with Jensen during missions is so much of what made Human Revolution for me. When I later tried out the original 2001 Deus Ex, I even joked to a friend, “There’s this guy in my earpiece who keeps giving me straightforward, good advice. It just seems so unprofessional!”

Faridah Malik, Jensen’s pilot, is his other major human contact in HR – a friendly face to get him to and from different settings, and occasional voice in his earpiece as well. But it’s not just Malik and Pritchard you’ll be hearing from – you’ve got Jensen’s boss, Sarif, mocking him for his surprise that the SWAT penthouse villain has a panic room, plus so many other random contacts calling Jensen up and prompting ‘how did you get this number?’ complaints that I started to wonder if it was tattooed to the back of his neck.

I knew going into MD that Pritchard wasn’t returning (except in DLC). Halfway through the first mission, it began to dawn on me that Jensen’s new, aggressively-British, aug-hating coworker, Duncan MacCready, seemed to be being set up as the new Pritchard – ie, the asshole in his earpiece with whom he’ll gradually develop a grudging semi-friendship over the course of the game. This did not immediately enthuse me. Pritchard’s initial dislike of our hero may have been petty, but at least it was personal, seeing Jensen as an under-qualified nepotism hire. MacCready just hates anyone augmented, which would be pretty weaksauce even if Jensen had, y'know, ever actually chosen to being augmented to begin with.

It's not like it would be hard to come up with better reasons why someone might distrust Jensen: he's secretly working for a hacktavist network, was declared legally dead in circumstances he can't explain, and MacCready would be right to find him suspicious. But I knew MacCready was a popular character, so I resolved to give him a chance.

The reality proved much worse: love him or hate him, MacCready is hardly in the game at all. You can go talk to him in the office a bunch of times about why he hates cyborgs so much, but he’s only deployed with Jensen in the very first mission and the very last one. Jensen seems to have relationships with a number of his other new colleagues, but for most of the game, there’s no radio chatter at all. Infolink calls happen occasionally, but are vanishingly rare. Even when doing missions for the Collective – a group dominated by augmented hackers – Jensen’s left to fly relatively solo.

Jensen’s main contact at the Collective is Alex Vega, arguably the new Malik, at least in that she’s an augmented woman of colour and nominally a pilot (though she doesn’t actually do any flying for us) on friendly terms with Jensen. In fact, DXMD has given Vega a substantial redesign to make her less of the shallow Malik-clone she was in her "original" appearance, in the lesser known mobile game Deus Ex: The Fall. You can see her and Malik in the comparison below.

Yeah, there's really not a lot to set them apart. She's a pilot? Give her short brown hair like our last pilot, stick her in a flight suit, and call it a day.

As of MD, the new!Vega is black, does her hair completely differently, has more obvious augmentations, and doesn't live in a flight suit: okay, fine, no harm in giving the character some individuality (though why you'd insist on giving her the same name as the old Vega at that point I do not know).

But looks aside, it's on the characterisation front they've really let her down. There was never a lot to Malik beyond being straightforward, friendly and professional. But you do get an optional side-mission to help her solve a friend’s murder, and the big set-piece where she’ll die if you leave her and run like she tells you to (also the reason I’ll probably never get a certain achievement, but fuck it, I like Malik, I don’t need that achievement that much). Straightforward as Malik is, what makes her work for me is that it’s so easy to buy her as someone with her own life outside Jensen’s crazy world. It’s to the point where I almost don’t want to see her get dragged any deeper into the whole conspiracy plotline, because she’s so easy-going and normal she shouldn’t have to be. Basic as that is, when you’re having a reaction that strong to a character, they’ve done something right.

Vega, by comparison, clearly should be a much more memorable character – a pilot working full-time undercover for a top-secret hacktivist collective? But Vega too seems nice, and normal, and yet has no role in this story except to be Jensen’s contact. You can ask her a bit about her backstory, but it made so little impression I can’t remember it. She’s nominally so much more important than Malik, but she never gets to do anything as interesting as making up a nickname for him, hijacking a bunch of public TVs to get back at her friend’s killer, or make the tough decision to tell Jensen to leave her and run. She’s just there to deliver plot-relevant information.

Other characters fandom had led me to expect much more of were similar non-events. Koller, Jensen’s go-to guy for aug maintenance, is certainly a character, but not one that grabbed me, and he appears all of twice, neither time for very long. There's got to be a hell of a story as to why Jensen, an Interpol agent with connections to a whole network of augmented hackers, is going to a weirdo like Koller for aug maintenance, but the game doesn't seem to think that's a story worth sharing, so there goes another wasted avenue to do something interesting. Chikane, Jensen's actual pilot, has far more meat on his bones character-wise and more interaction with our hero. But he’s probably a traitor (I say ‘probably’ because the strongest hints are a coded message in a well-hidden safe, and finding it changes nothing), so there's not much point investing in what camaraderie they develop. Similar is Delara, an obvious Illuminati-plant who spends the game acting innocent and helpful enough to make you wonder if maybe she’s alright after all, only for an after-credits scene to reveal that, yup, she’s an Illuminati plant. Is this supposed to be a twist?

The one major character I did get decent value out of is Jim Miller, Jensen’s Interpol boss. Seeing a convincingly Aussie character in a position of authority in non-Aussie-made media is novel enough that I’m always going to get a kick out of it (even if his backstory does involve that whole ‘Australian civil war’ thing, which is hilarious in so many ways that I’m not sure non-Australians appreciate). Doesn’t hurt that Miller’s subtly queer too – hacking his computer will turn up info about his (ex-)husband and kids.

And that’s about it. There’s a local Prague underworld, but no-one involved is as enjoyable as either of the Tongs in HR, and agreeing to put yourself in their debt on Koller’s account means you’ll get to do a couple of extra side-quests, none of which will give your conscience much trouble. Is this really the best they can do?

When it came out, Deus Ex: Human Revolution was rightly criticised for a weak ending and some seriously ham-fisted attempts at worldbuilding and social commentary. I knew all that going in, and was still astounded by how bad it was at introducing its own ideas. But for all its flaws, I fell in love with its characters, and there were some touches that really stuck with me. I've had a whole mini-essay rolling around my brain for months just on the subtext it packs into who's on a first or last name basis with who – Jensen especially.

Our hero is ‘Jensen’ to most of his workmates (past and present), but ‘Adam’ to Megan and Sarif – Megan because they used to date, and Sarif because he’s the kind of friendly, personable boss who calls all his employees by their first names. But that familiarity takes on a whole other sinister dimension when you realise that Megan and Sarif are the same people responsible for basing their research on Jensen's DNA without his knowledge or consent (and in Sarif’s case, cutting off three perfectly good limbs while he was in a medical coma). Eliza – an AI who’s been watching him for god knows how long – calls him ‘Adam’ too. (So does Wayne Haas, the cop you have to talk your way past to get into the station, which is just more proof he’s Jensen’s bitter ex.)

Meanwhile, Pritchard and Malik – the two allies Jensen can trust to have his back – both call him ‘Jensen’. When Malik starts to get more familiar, it’s not by switching to first-name-basis, it’s by giving him a nickname (‘Spyboy’, which he responds to by calling her ‘Flygirl’). And that’s most of why I still default to calling the guy ‘Jensen’ myself: intended or otherwise, the game is pretty consistent in that the only people who call him by his first name have a serious lack of respect for his boundaries. I can’t tell you how intentional all that subtext was, but it shines through like a beacon.

He’s not the only example either. The game never tells us that Pritchard hates being called by his full first name, ‘Francis’, but it doesn’t have to – you can tell based on the way Jensen uses it (and it’s notable that he’s ‘Frank’ to Sarif, the ‘we’re all family here’-boss of the year). It’s a great little characterisation note for the both of them.

So you can imagine my disappointment that in DX:MD, most of Jensen’s new workmates just call him ‘Adam’. Maybe you could argue that now that unearned familiarity is going the other way, since here ‘Adam’ is the double-agent sneaking around under their noses – but then, Alex calls him ‘Adam’ too, and there’s nothing to suggest she’s shady. Miller and Duncan call him ‘Jensen’, which tracks with their characters and relationships, but I’ve long since hit the point where I can’t hear people calling this guy ‘Adam’ without twitching a little. Why are you calling him that? What are you really up to, you creep?

And this is just one thing I loved from that previous game that was lacking in the sequel. Pritchard and Malik may top my list of favourite characters, but it goes on and on. Tong Senior is more charismatic than any guy that shady has any right to be (and Tong Junior is just such a fantastic little shit), and Keitner deserved so much more screentime than she got. David Sarif is a fascinating mess of completely terrible person who still deserves real credit for standing up against the 'real' villains behind the scenes. Megan's level-headed conviction that she's doing the right thing even while working for incredibly shady people fascinates me. Quinn is great in both his personalities, and I even enjoyed Kavanagh and the sleezeball that is van Brugen so much more than I had any right to. There are compellingly grey characters all over this script, and the writers deserve serious credit for all of them.

But there’s no-one in Mankind Divided I enjoyed as much as the best players from HR. Including, I hate to say it, that one DLC which brought Pritchard back at last.

So, yeah. It's time to talk that last little footnote to this game.

The System Rift DLC

DX:HR had only one DLC mission, but it set a high standard, introduced some of my favourite characters (see above!), and contributed to the greater story in a big way. By comparison, MD has three DLC missions, and all have the exact same problems as the main campaign: there’s just nothing to invest in here. Do you actually care whether Jensen is able to save an undercover agent who’s gone native in some prison facility? Not once you’ve met the guy, trust me, he’s painfully bland. And that mission may actually be the strongest of the three.

The story justification for System Rift is as perfunctory as possible. Pritchard calls Jensen up out of the blue to call in a favour. He needs Jensen to recover some data from a bank vault, and along the way, you might find some evidence of shady insider trading between characters you’ve never met. And you have to ‘save Pritchard’s avatar’ from a virtual world, because reasons, which is exactly as trite as most attempts to build cyberspaces into gameplay. Oh, and you get to ride a funicular elevator at one point, because that’s about the level of what we get here as a callback.

As for new characters, you'll meet Shadowchild, a hacker friend of Pritchard, who I found depressingly dull. Attempts to characterise her mostly mean sitting through dialogue like “there are only a few hackers in a world who could do this, but fortunately for you I am one of them,” delivered in a relative monotone. Much as much as I enjoyed the fact that Miller was queer only if the player is paying attention to the details, doing the same thing again with Shadowchild just makes me feel like the writers don’t have the guts to make a character gay enough to risk upsetting the homophobes in their audience. It’s executed that much worse here too (look, I fully assumed whoever Shadowchild needed Jensen to leave that coded warning for must be someone she’d long since lost real contact with, because why the fuck would she need or trust a virtual stranger to do that for her real, current girlfriend when the stakes are this high? Come on!)

But what really kills this DLC for me is that Pritchard and Jensen’s relationship is given so little to work with. They’re not working together to find the people who put Jensen in hospital or tracking down the secrets of Jensen’s past this time. We’re not getting any insights into Pritchard’s past or hunting major Illuminati secrets either, there aren’t even innocent people in danger – there’s nothing personal here, nothing to invest in. The data Pritchard wants is a MacGuffin in the purest and most meaningless sense, and Jensen’s only helping because he owes a favour (and you won’t even know what for if you haven’t read the novel).

The fact Jensen’s now working for Pritchard directly ought to add new tension to their dynamic, but all it seems to do is throw a dampener over what grudging camaraderie they ever achieved. I do like that they've reached the point where Jensen doesn't even sound like he's sneering when he calls Pritchard 'Francis' anymore, but most of their banter was underwhelming – and dull as I found the core conflict of Black Light, even it delivered on that. Jensen is a surly asshole to Pritchard for no good reason from the moment he answers the call, and the idea that he’s pushing friends away to protect them is present but (at least for my money) underplayed. Pritchard, meanwhile, is here largely to deliver mission-related exposition. There were definitely exchanges I enjoyed ‒ I'm a shipper, I can't not like Jensen's last little 'take care of yourself' at the end ‒ but it's not much to hang a DLC on.

(And to be clear, if you did love System Rift for what it was, no judgement here. But goddamn, did you deserve something you could’ve loved so much more than this.)

So with all that said, where does that leave me for a conclusion? If the plan with Deus Ex: Mankind Divided was to make the series more like the original Deus Ex, then for my money, they’ve succeeded ‒ at least in that the plot is uninvolving, the characters are bland, and their relationships don’t evolve in any interesting way. But even the original DX managed some memorable reveals and a gloriously weird multiple-choice ending, where the heros could tell themselves they’d taken down the Illuminati and cured the plague. Jensen’s grand success at the end of MD is that a key UN vote on augmented rights hasn’t made the currently shitty status quo any worse. Everything that Human Revolution did well is missing here, and everything it did badly is just as bad.

And yet, at the end of the day, my single biggest disappointment may be that this really is it. There’s probably never going to be another Deus Ex game. I don’t know how you’d save a franchise from a rut like this, and it’s naïve to imagine you can only go up from here – but apparently it’d take more than one lackluster entry to kill my investment. It’s a hell of a bummer to see it end on a game that seems so ashamed of everything its predecessor ever did well.

It's enough of a bummer that rather than leave my own impressions rest there, I'm replaying Deus Ex: Human Revolution now, and you know what? Turns out it's not all nostalgia that's making me remember the last game so much better, because I'm having a great time with it all over again. The side quests you can pick up are just as truly absurd as they ever were (sure, random hooker I just met, I'll plant drugs in this guy's apartment for you!), but the stakes feel meaningful, the character dynamics are fun, and Pritchard is back being his terrible, sassy self. My absurd quest for enough XP to unlock all the cool powers ASAP has me spending way, way too long trying to set up double-takedowns and carrying vending machines around the middle of Detroit police station to try and block the sightlines between the computer I'm hacking and all the cops standing around the same room. Look, this is apparently my idea of fun, don't judge me.

For over a year now, I've had a couple of unposted bits of Jensen/Pritchard fic sitting around, never quite completed, and replaying the game has reignited the motivation to get them into some kind of shape worth showing to people. Lord knows I don't have the power to uncancel this franchise, but at least letting my own unfinished fic see the light of day is something I can do.

[robotsandramblings]

me reading the "new" "canon" heights for the Bad Batch on starwars.com:

nooo thank you, don't like those, i'll stick to the wookiepedia + my headcanons version lol ✌️

i'll save my overall analysis & ramblings for under the readmore

(here's the og thread that brought it to my attention. make sure to read op's corrected version!)

(p.s. the height chart was done by me on heightcomparison.com, it's not an official star wars image -- but the data matches starwars.com)

first off, i will acknowledge that visually, in the show, their heights are always a tricky thing. i've been referencing a bajillion screenshots since i came upon this thread. their comparative heights change in like every screenshot, due to camera angles and/or where they're standing relative to each other. we never get to see all five (5) of them standing shoulder-to-shoulder, side-by-side, in a single straight line, with an eye-level camera shot*.

i'll also acknowledge that i've always just gone off of what wookiepedia says, because it's the closest to an 'official' source that we've ever had -- but it's still not the official source. Here's the wookiepedia version, btw:

and you know what? depending on what screenshot you look at, these can both seem right. sometimes, Tech looks as tall as Crosshair; other times, Tech looks close to Echo's height. (Tech is also rarely at full height -- he's usually got his head and shoulders bent down to read his datapad. i think he slouches too.) i also find Hunter's height varies a lot too, depending on the shot.

Personally, i will be following the wookiepedia version. i think the starwars.com numbers are way, way off. (Warning: here's where the ranting part begins lol)

Wrecker has never, ever been a full head taller than Tech, Echo, or Hunter. what the actual fuck lmaooo

and 7 inches taller than Crosshair?? i don't think so lads

they're tryin' to tell me Echo is shorter than reg height??? bullshit lol. and Tech too??? also bullshit lmao

i refuse to believe Tech is only 2cm taller than Hunter; Tech should be, at minimum, 2 inches taller than Hunter.

i feel Omega's height can vary in the show, like Tech or Hunter as i mentioned. sometimes she seems very small, sometimes she seems taller than i remember.

that all said, i think the height for Omega is correct... for Season 1**. but S2? and now in S3? she's definitely grown a bit.

so i guess if i had to come up with my own numbers, i'd go primarily with the wookiepedia data, with a few tweaks...

Omega**: at least 140cm / 4' 7''

Hunter: 180-181cm / 5' 11''

Echo: 185cm / 6' 1''

Tech: 190-193cm / 6' 3'' - 6' 4''

Crosshair: 193cm / 6' 4''

Wrecker: 198-200cm max / 6' 6''

(i will hold onto Short King Hunter with a death grip until i die. even though i'll admit he looks reg/Echo height in a lot of shots. but i just really love the idea that's he's juuuust under 6' !)

**My headcanon is that in S1, Omega was approximately 10 years old. (which would match with starwars.com data, since average height for a 10-yr-old = 127-137cm.) i'm assuming we're at least 2 years later by S3, so she should be 12, which should put her height at 140-162cm.

i think in the show, they're keeping her closer to 140cm, but i'm equally onboard with her being on the taller side, closer to 162cm. i like the idea that she will eventually grow to reg clone height of 6 feet, thus she'd be on the taller end of "average" child height.

*there is one singular screenshot i came across which might be the closest. however, it's only properly showing the OG four -- Echo is in the shot, but disproportionately in front of them. it's also from their pilot in Clone Wars S7, which arguably was just a beginning stage for them, and changes were made before their own show aired, including the animation style/models.

it would explain where many of us got our idea of Tech = Crosshair same height. but Hunter is also nearly as tall as them?? certainly not 180cm lmao. so idk. take that as you will.

[tanadrin]

Is it plausible that children are most often abused by people that they know (rather than strangers) because we've steadily and consistently reduced the capacity for children to interact with strangers in potentially abusive situations? I'm pretty sure that's not the case, but you've frequently discussed the topic and it seems like you'd know if there was anything to back up the idea.

I think children are most often abused and exploited by people they know because children spend most of their time around people they know, and children have a marked lack of autonomy in our society. In the past (and, sadly, too often in the present still) there has been a marked taboo around discussing these issues, a refusal to educate children in age-appropriate ways about sex (meaning they often don't even have the language to explain what has happened to them), and a reluctance to believe victims of abuse. In fact, I think the real incidence of CSA has probably gone down markedly in the last 75 years, but it's hard to get clear numbers on this bc for so long we refused to admit the problem even existed. A problem people refuse to acknowledge exists will of course seem to have a much lower rate of occurrence than one people openly acknowledge.

Stranger danger has never been the primary risk to children. The primary risk to children is parents, relatives, teachers, pastors, and other figures of authority in their lives. That's true for CSA, and for physical abuse, and for emotional abuse. And it makes sense; if you were the kind of person to abuse or terrorize or sexually exploit a child, the easiest children for you to target are children in your community, where your reputation and authority can protect you, where nobody could possibly believe such an awful thing, but you know, poor Bobby has always been troubled, etc., etc.

There is no clean solution to this problem. I think most parents, and most people who spend a lot of time around children by choice, do so because they genuinely like and want good things for them! I think the best protection against child abuse and exploitation is being open and communicative with children, educating them in age-appropriate ways, giving them the tools to defend their autonomy, and making sure that when they have problems they are heard.

And incidentally, I think a similar approach is also the best tool for online safety for kids. It's a lot harder for strangers with bad intentions (who do exist, though they are not the primary risk to children) to target kids with a stable, loving home life, who aren't ashamed to talk to their parents or to other adults in their lives about what's going on, and whose feelings and autonomy are respected by those adults. We cannot arrest and punish our way to a world that is safe for children! This is an authoritarian lie we tell ourselves, because the truth--that there is no escape from the hard work of actually caring for and about each individual child--implicates how we think about children in uncomfortable ways.

[chasingstardustandmoonbeams]

A/N: Part 2 of Bones characters as dads.

Finn would be the most attentive dad ever. Hyper aware of all emotions at all times (even if he himself has difficulty sharing all of his emotions). He would be so excited to share everything with his kid(s) especially small things like favorite foods or movies.

Rarely gets mad - if ever. Really only gets upset when his kids do something dangerous or thoughtless.

He would want to document every little thing that happens. Yes this is his third baby photo album, no he doesn't have a problem. Finn just loves to bask in the little things. The small mundane things that he'll want to look back on when he's older. Every moment is a milestone and he'd want to remember it all.

Arastoo would dote on his children like his life depended on it. Small little trinkets, day trips, yes we can have ice cream before dinner but you have to act really hungry when we eat dinner.

He would would love to share the cultural and religious aspects of his life. Customs, food, his life before coming to D.C. Arastoo would not shy away from anything.

Arastoo would love taking his kids to the museums and the zoo. His kid sat firmly on his shoulders as they walk through every exhibit taking in all the tiniest details. Of course we can come again next week. Arastoo gets roped into being souvenirs every time they go, but he'd spend all the money he had to see his childs face light up.

Clark is wrapped around his kid(s) finger. Everyone would like to think he is the no nonsense stern parent, but that would be a lie. He melts as soon as the tears start pooling around the eyes, and the pout comes out. He'd like to think that this doesn't happen that often, but he'd be a liar.

Clark starts introducing his kids to academic concepts right away. He wants his kid(s) to question everything - always. He never wants them to lose their sense of questioning. It comes so naturally - he doesn't want to ever see that inquisitive light dimmed.

He does his best to answer every question he can, and the ones he can't he takes a mental note to research later. You see, the sky is blue because of blue light is scattered by these really tiny things called molecules. They are so small you can't see them. They get moved around by the air which causes it to look blue because is scattered more than other colors in shorter smaller waves.

Clark would totally bring his kid(s) to the Jeffersonian for a little show and tell. He would never admit it to Hodgins, but he always appreciates the time he takes to explain every little thing.

James "I gotta get one of those" Aubrey would be the funnest dad ever. Literally is still a child himself. Is always down to watch the newest animated movie in theaters. We've been over this, cartoons aren't just for kids. If I gotta bump elbows with some kiddos to see Shrek 5 then that is what I will have to do.

Always wants to do things with his kids. Video games? Pass the controller over this way. Random food craving? He'll grab the keys, they direct the way (he is never one to say no to food).

Aubrey always wants to hear the latest gossip from school. So you're telling me, Jacob pulled Mia's pigtails and she kicked him in the shin? Good for her.

James Aubrey may seem all soft and unassuming, but hurt his kid? He'll burn the whole place down. No one - absolutely no one, hurts his family. With his own issues with his dad, his number one priority would be to make sure that his kid knows he's not going anywhere.

[mrs-monaghan]

Since we're going by the logic of Jikook are not seen in public together = they have broken up, then my sister's relationship with her husband, who she has a literal child with, is FAKE, because I never see them in public!!!!!! They don't go out! So fake! Outrageous! How ABSURD it is for a long-term couple to want PRIVACY!!!! How dare my sister go out with me/be seen with me in public and not her boyfriend! How dare she have other people in her life!

How even more FLABBERGASTING that a worldwide famous long-term couple living in a homophobic country want to hang out in a totally safe and private way for them! It doesn't matter that their career could end and they could even be arrested, and it doesn't matter that photos of them on white day were leaked, exposing them in an intimate moment, and it doesn't matter that their names were on Dispatch's list, together with other couples that admitted they were together.

HOW DARE Jungkook and Jimin not make out in front of the cameras for us???? How dare Jungkook and Jimin try to protect their privacy after so many leaked pictures and all the stalking?

That's how stupid y'all wishy washy Jikookers and taekookers sound. Babes do you REALLY think Jungkook and Jimin always tell us truth? Do you really think they tell us EVERYTHING that goes on in their lives?

Shouldn't y'all take Taennie as an example? They were going out for God knows how long and they were NEVER spotted. Sure, leaked pictures here and there, which Jikook also have, but they've never seen in public together, either.

It's time y'all use the brains god gave you. Don't be scared of it, yeah? USE IT.

Do you really think they tell us EVERYTHING?

I wanna talk about this. This goes out to the holier than though Jikookers out there who judge us other Jikookers who still believe that the JM on JK's hand is for Jimin.

Anon I agree with you 1013%. Please allow me to hijack your post an address this topic.

Okay so JK went live and said the J stands for Jungkook. Right. I ended up in report pages for saying this on twitter but I will say it again. How many people do you know that tattoo their own names on themselves? No seriously. How many? I said even the most narcissistic person wouldn't do this and I got blocked and reported. But it's true. JK is not a narcissist, far from it even. He has a big heart and loves those around him and loves us Army even when we don't deserve it. That man did not tattoo his name on himself. That's point number 1.

Point 2. Who tf calls him J? He calls himself JK, members call him JK. Everyone calls him JK. The only member we've heard tell us to call him J was Jhope and I think that was "Jay"

Point 3 and what I wanna talk about. No, I'm not calling JK a liar. I am calling him an omiter. He ommited the truth. The point of him explaining the tattoos I believe was to debunk the V/A. Which he did, thank God. But I digress.

Being a Jikooker is based on deducing and analysing. Listening to them, watching them and concluding they're together. They have never outright told us. Alright?

Jimin said, he bit JK.

Jikookers said it was a hickey. Because its right by the mole. Because it didn't fade. Because there were no teeth marks. Okay. Fine. But why do we believe the J stands for Jungkook, but we won't believe when Jimin said he bit JK and no shenanigans were involved?

Jungkook said he goes to Jimin's hotel room because its closer.

Jikookers said it was a lie. He goes because he wants to spend time with Jimin. And he doesn't just sit there for hours and do nothing. He was lying. So why do we believe the J stands for Jungkook, but we won't believe he went to Jimin's room out of convenience?

Jungkook said Jimin wasn't the main model of GCF.

Jikookers said that can't possibly be true because JK highlights Jimin in all the videos and Jimin always gets the most screentime. Okay. So why do we believe the J stands for Jungkook, but we won't believe when he said Jimin wasn't his main model?

JK said he always sleeps in Jihope's room because his bed is uncomfortable.

Jikookers said nah, JK just likes sleeping with Jimin. JK sleeps in that room because he's dating Jimin. They had enough money to get JK a better mattress, so that was clearly just an excuse. So why do we believe the J is for Jungkook, but we didn't believe when he said his own bed was uncomfortable?

JK said he's always recording Jimin because Jimin is always around

Jikookers said that wasn't true because anytime JK has a camera, more often than not he's pointing it at Jimin. Even when sometimes Jimin doesn't notice. So clearly JK was lying. Right? So why do we believe the J is for Jungkook, but we didn't believe JK's reason for why he's always filming Jimin?

Have i made my point yet???

"The J stands for Jungkook, JK said so."

Be quiet.

If you believe that then you might as well stop believing in Jikook rn because these mofos have never told us they were gay for eo. We concluded that after mountains of suspicious moments and unexplainable sexual tension. We concluded. They didn't tell us.

And if you wanna still believe in Jikook then get off your fucking high horse where you nitpick what to buy and judge those of us who wanna believe in the JM tattoo or Jikook numbers or Jikook dropping eo off at the airport. There are clearly levels of Jikookery but everyone needs to stay in their lane and stop judging. You just come off looking like a fucking hypocrite. We don't all have to think or see things the same way.

The JM stands for Jimin. Otherwise he would have left his tattoos like this.

Rant over. I'm done. But I needed to get that off my chest. Anyway, Jikook is real. Amen.

Support Jikook for clear skin

[cruyuu]

Yeah I hope sukuna gets a good ending. THAT fandom even liked sukuna despite all his crimes until he killed number 1 poll then suddenly they played the moral card, when they were even convinced GOJO would teach sukuna about love

And kenjaku even abused women eeeh

Honestly I want to see Sukuna smiles not smug, but a genuine smile for the first time, I don't want him to just make funny suffering faces and give those people more material

Hi, anon!

My gripes are not with the fandom (since I don't really care) but rather with the narrative itself. The story itself constantly says that there's no good or bad, but rather that everything is grey.

Like just look at 265 and what Yuuji says to Sukuna. Humans aren't purely good or evil. They're in shades of grey and all lives are created equal. They don't even have to serve a role, they can just exist. They exist outside of memory! (And this is coming from someone who couldn't hear his thoughts nor access his memory...)

At first, I thought it was weird that Yuuji was telling that to Sukuna if he's just going to kill him. Hell, he says he loathes him! So why the contradictory behavior? Why ask him to come back? Why not just kill him?

It is fitting for him to be at the receiving end of that whole speech only if he will live and only if the "end of the cycle of curses" is erasing the good versus bad (right versus wrong) dynamic which Sukuna and Yuuji embody (one has to die, the other live), but accepting the morally ambigious one. I don't know the end game plan and my thoughts are all over the place when it comes to canon because of that, so forgive me.

If Sukuna believes himself to be unworthy of living simply because of being selfish, of not caring for other people opinions and just living for the sake of living, then that explains his vehement anger towards Yuuji still allowing him to live. Because Yuuji hears and listens to other people's wishes and lives according to them, and hence he is considered morally righteous (both by society and by Sukuna), a total opposite of Sukuna. He's someone who's good and pure unlike himself. (But Yuuji himself says that is not the case and we, the readers, know because we've been following his story. He's morally grey more so than embodying pure good.)

The question which is asked is: Why isn't Sukuna condemned for not living according to what is right? Why isn't Yuuji passing judgement onto him? Why isn't he dead but is free to return to his body? He's the epitome of evil, he's a vile monster, he's the absolute worst contrasting Yuuji's absolute best, and if he continues to live he'll just cause more death and misery to Yuuji, so why isn't he dead?

And the answer is: "Because there's no strictly good or bad. I'm not playing the role of a hero and you're not playing the role of a bad guy. We're just ourselves."

Hence, Sukuna cannot be condemned even though he represents someone who deserves to be. This is why he's The Fallen. The one banished from Heaven. The one who's supposed to recieve punishment for his wicked deeds.

Well, if he's the Fallen, then Yuuji is as well which is cleverly illustrated in the narrative:

He did recieve punishment before, technically. That's why his body was destroyed and why he dwelled within the fingers and never made it out with a proper vessel. He was destroyed but he still survived, and managed to reincarnate himself in a different era which is not treating him the same as the one that did before. Instead of being met with distaste and caution, it's everything opposite. It's everything he can't understand. He's being praised, he's being loved, he's being lifted into Heaven again (and yet he ate his twin and was poor, so technically, he was somebody society wouldn't look at at all).

Yuuji was made to he his vessel, yet again, he's not what Sukuna expected. Instead of being perfect, he's a cage. Instead of being insignificant, he is strong. Instead of being a polar opposite, rejecting everything, he's just taking everything from Sukuna and being accepting, greeting him and interacting with him like he's an old friend despite the fact that they are enemies.

Do you see how everything is the opposite of itself? Quite amazing really.

This is why I love the idea of him surviving. He deserves a happy ending as much as everybody else because everybody was satisfied in the manga despite being selfish, cruel, whatever. If they can, then why can't he? If their mistakes can be forgiven, why can't his?

[atamascolily]

One thing that I've never seen anyone adequately explain (and rarely if ever comes up in fanfiction) are Walpurgisnacht's trees. What's up with those things, anyway?

They don't seem to fit with either the cogs or the circus motif or anything, they're just kind of... there. So why the arboreal theme? Kinda random, right?

They also seem to persist after Walpurgisnacht herself has vanished.

Seriously, what is this tree doing here??? Why would Walpurgisnacht make these in the first place? They certainly don't show up in Homura's big showdown later on. And okay, fine, maybe Homura intercepted Walpurgisnacht before she could start causing botanical mayhem, but still... their presence in these scenes perplexes me.

It took me a ridiculously long time to figure out the connection, but I think the trees represent branching timelines radiating out from a single point--just like a model of parallel universes. And of course, the fact that its branches are bare and seemingly dead implies that none of these timelines will bear fruit. No life can arise out of the wreckage, just as there is no future for Homura in any of these timelines.

The only other time in PMMM we see this same tree imagery is with Homura. In a scene added for the Blu-Ray (not sure if this is the original series or recap movie), Homura walks through a grove of similar trees immediately after confronting Kyubey about Kyouko's death.

A similar mist appears right before Walpurgisnacht arrives in episode 11, but I don't know if that was meant to be an intentional reference. Regardless, the monochromatic palette in all of these scenes is evocative of depression and despair as the world is literally drained of life, vibrancy, and hope. This is Homura's existence now, trapped in an endless series of loops she cannot break and unable to do anything but keep on fighting.

In keeping with my theory that trees = branching timelines, the next shot immediately afterwards begins to flicker like a piece of film (another recurring visual motif in this series, especially with Homura), eventually resolving into multiple silhouettes of Homura.

After that, we cut to a series of film leaders (the numbered countdown signs), which are yet another visual parallel between Homura and Walpurgisnacht, and one not included in the original TV broadcast.

Similar trees also appear in Rebellion. The first one is in the glass dome where Homura meets with Kyouko, its branches full of bells. Notably, it's by the river, which is likely where the trees from the original series were located (at least the second and third examples above).

The second one is... in Homulilly's skull:

And this is where it gets interesting, because this is immediately after Homura has burst free from her purple-goop-form at Madoka's touch. The tree is either the result of their combined magics, or triggered by it, because it immediately bursts into bloom--the first time we've ever seen one do so over the course of this series.

It's a cherry tree, of course, with all the symbolism that comes with it--full of pink ephemeral flowers (just like Madoka) that bloom on otherwise bare branches. Beauty has emerged from ugliness as the result of Homura's love for Madoka, just as she herself has emerged from her grief thanks to that same emotion--which she will later describe to Kyubey as "more passionate than hope, far deeper than despair".

Thus, it's not surprising that when Homura remakes the world, the first thing we see are blooming cherry trees--even though they were always green and leafy in earlier versions of this scene. The flowers are a symbol for her love even if no one else recognizes it.

So here's the question I wonder about: what would it take for Walpurgisnacht's trees to finally bloom? Or is such a thing even possible in the first place?

[heartfullofleeches]

Vendetta confronts Y/N about someone who messaged them about whatever and ending the message by saying how much they love Y/N

Y/N: “Vendetta that’s.. That’s my mom??”

[slightly suggestive...ig?. He's such an asshole]

"Ring her up then."

"What?"

"Call ya mom, wanna introduce myself to her. Couple signatures on a paper and we'll be basically family sooner or later, anyway. Gotta make a good impression with the in-laws."

"Alright, give me a second-.. hey!" Dialing her number in, your phone's snatched as you go to put it to your ear. Vendetta eases against the back of the seat, dodging your advances and vain attempts to take back your phone with his free arm. The line clicks as he successfully wrangles your wrists in his hand; your stomach churning at the mischievous glint in his eye.

"Don't-

Vendetta blows you a small kiss, making sure the smack is audible - slipping on his customer service smile as he pulls his mouth up to the speaker. Holding a finger to his lips - he speaks.

"Hey, is this Y/n's mom? Afternoon, ma'am - name's Vendetta. Their boyfriend. I overheard you have some concerns with their recent lack of contact and I may know who's responsible for that. We've been going strong for a few months now, and our relationship is both the deepest and longest connection I've ever had with anyone before. I am dying to meet the woman who raised such an amazing person."

Your hands fall slack in his grasp. Maybe this won't be so bad...

"You're free this Saturday? Well that is just fantastic! I'm sure they'll be excited to see you and-... mmh."

Little did you know, that false sense of security was exactly what he wanted. To catch you when most vulnerable. Throwing his head back, Vendetta lets out a soft moan - spine arching with the draw of his breath. He looks up at you with a lidded eye, shoulders rising with a silent laugh.

Through clenched teeth, you hiss: "what the hell are you doing?"

Vendetta sits unfazed by the rage in your eyes. He bites his lower lip, teeth grazing your knuckles. His finger hovers over the mute button as his voice drops to a whisper, but it never falls. "Baby, I'm still on the phone. Lemme hang up before you- Ahh- shit.. Sorry Miss, we were in the middle of something when I dialed you by accident."

Jutting his leg outward, Vendetta kicks the table - rocking his heel against an uneven leg. He holds the phone closer to the source of the offbeat creaks as he pants and groans awhile you're shocked speechless still locked in his hold.

"We...get up to quite a lot actually. If they go no contact for a while, I sincerely hope you understand."

Vendetta gets nice and close to the phone with a final whimper before hanging up. He blocks the number for safe measure and slides the device in his back pocket as he lets you go. You've never seen a more punchable grin that the one he wears.

"Whelp, have fun explaining that in a day or two. Haven't decided when you'll get your phone back unless.....you want to come grab it yourself?"