#i love that little detail it makes me so EMO shut up

[orangechickenpillow]

I haven't seen anyone talk about how Claggor uses they/them pronouns for Milo in act 3......

[hitomisuzuya]

Hii, may I ask for a fic where scara and reader are a pair of emo best friends listening to emo music, super loud! In her room while her parents are fighting? They've always been sexually curious and experimenting. Soo reader's sad, he says fuck it, gets on top, and starts grinding his knee against her clit?

Usually, they NEVER get too far, so the reader knows that he's committed when she moans.

Soo cunnilingus? Maybe they likee each other? Praise? Calling her parents dumb and just validating her complaints (like if u going to fight dont do it around your spawnling?) A little bit of 'we could do better than them' bc reader is lowkey scared of ending up like them???

Please ik this is a bit too detailed, im kinda venting lol. Please feel free to omit a bunch if you must.

-shyent💗

scaramouche x fem!reader. smut. clit stimulation. cunnilingus. praise, validation, and comfort.

it wasn't too detailed at all. i hope this makes you feel better, hun❤️ i think we all can relate this more than we like to admit😞

you have your hands covering your ears, your eyes squeezed shut. not even the loud music playing in your room soothed you. your body was tense with restless anxiety.

and scaramouche couldn't stand it. he knew he needed to do something. anything. anything to get you to focus on him and not the sounds of your parents fighting downstairs. when you are focused on him, it was like he was the only thing in this world. you noticed nothing else but him.

he reached over and took your hands off of your ears. you'd told him once that you enjoyed the sound of his voice. he put his lips next to your ear. "i can take you somewhere else, if you want," he offered, moving closer to you on your bed.

you shook your head, turning the music down a little. "no, it's okay. it wouldn't really matter. i am still going to know that they are fighting," you would still be tense the same way be it here or at his house.

"i can go tell them to shut the fuck up," he offered, it was more of a way to get to you smile. because it he really would. he would open your door and shout at them to shut the fuck up. loudly. he didn't give a shit. and that's the exact reason why you smiled, if only a little.

"you know, they might shut up if they hear me making you moan," he tentatively posed the idea. more to see if you would crack another little smile, but at the same time, he was completely serious. his hands had gotten up your shirt and into your bra while you were making out with him the other day.

he sure made you moan when he started pinching and stroking your nipples. he fed off of it. his hand has been so close to dipping into your panties. he is so fucking in love with you he couldn't stand it. making you focus on him would calm you down.

and that was what you needed.

you need him.

"you think they might?" you asked. his eyes widened a little. his cock pulsed with the hope you were serious. there was only one way for him to find out.

"i think they might," scaramouche turned down the music, and put his hands on your shoulders. he felt you immediately relax a little the moment you felt his touch. he laid you down on your bed, drinking in the way you blushed as you looked up at him.

he counted himself lucky that you wore a skirt today. your skirt bunched up around your thighs as he got on top of you. tentatively at first, he started to rub his knee on your clit. it wasn't long before your breathing turned shaky sounding, your clit starting to swell and throb.

he shivered as your juices began to soak his knee. he increased the pressure, keening soft moans from your throat. he would've leaned down and kissed you had he not wanted to drink in your face starting to contort with pleasure.

you rocked your hips up, grinding your clit on his knee. he could see the whole world falling away from you, focusing only on him in a way that made his cock ache more. your panties sticking and unsticking around your clit added extra friction, hazing your senses with pleasure.

you have forgotten all about your parents.

reaching your hand up, you caressed his cheek. "scara, can you make me feel good?" you asked, letting out a louder moan as he twisted his knee on your clit.

scaramouche did not need to be asked twice. how many fantasies had he had about you that started off just like this. the amount of cum he spilled into his hands jacking off at night to thoughts of you said as much.

there was such a look of desperation in your eyes. desperation for him. you are depending on him, and scaramouche latched onto that. "your parents really are fucking stupid," he moved down between your legs, moving your panties aside. you blushed seeing his mouth hovering above your pussy.

his tongue swept out to part your folds. he'd lost count of times he'd jacked himself off thinking about you grinding your pussy on his mouth. he licked long slow stripes up and down your pussy, groaning as your taste saturated his tongue. "i can't have my precious pet being so tense all the time."

the blush on your cheeks darkened hearing his words. something about hearing him call you his precious pet made your clit swell and throb more. you shifted restlessly on your bed, your hips jerking up to grind on his tongue.

scaramouche wagged the tip of his tongue around your clit, making moans come from you instead of words. your hands found the back of his head, pushing his mouth down onto your pussy as you sought more friction.

"that's my good girl," his praise filled you with an arousing warmth. it was like something snapped in you. whimpering softly, you knew in that moment, you would do anything to hear it again.

"say it again, please!" you cried out, tugging on his hair. the pleasure coiling was so strong it made your eyes water, your thighs trembling as he latched his lips onto your clit.

scaramouche chuckled softly into your messy pussy, keeping his eyes focused on you so he didn't miss one twitch or contortion of pleasure. "my good, sweet girl," louder moans tore from your throat, your walls clenching empty around nothing. "we can do better than they can," he released your clit with a wet pop, licking his lips before focusing his tongue on your hole.

"i'm in love with you!" you suddenly cried out. the words came tumbling out of your mouth, his tongue felt that good working your pussy over. groaning, he prodded his tongue inside of you. "i've always been in love with you!"

he swirled his tongue inside of you. pleasure burst white hot behind your eyes. your hips bucked shamelessly into his mouth, enjoying the comforting way his fingers dug into your thighs possessively. "fuck me with your tongue, please."

the way you were starting to babble made his cock pulse and strain in his pants. scaramouche was sure your parents could hear you. and he fucking loved it. "go ahead, kitten. let them hear what real pleasure sounds like."

his tongue worked over your pussy with extra vigor, snapping the knot of your orgasm to curl tighter in your core. his thumbs skimmed over the insides of your thighs in encouragement, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

you couldn't help it. scaramouche's tongue made you cunt sensitive, your release gushing onto his tongue suddenly. "so fucking sweet," he growled, eagerly lapping at your release like a starved dog.

he didn't take his mouth off of your pussy, tongue fucking you through your orgasm until you were breathless and shaking. when he kissed you, you didn't think it would be intimate tasting yourself on his tongue.

[azzibuckets]

Paper Rings [Part 3/10 | Paige Bueckers]

Paige Bueckers x fem!reader

Summary: part 3 of the paper rings series! some insight into paige and reader’s friendship before everything happened

A/N: some fluff and fillers before the angst gets real 💔💔

word count: 1.9k

masterlist w/ all parts

FLASHBACK: 1 YEAR AGO

“Is this yours?”

You had been rummaging through Paige’s closet, looking for a clean oversized shirt to wear to sleep. You two often slept over at each other’s place, to the point where your clothes were so mixed up you guys basically shared the same wardrobe. Unfortunately, Paige wasn’t the most organized person, so you were huffing and puffing as you hunted through the piles in the drawers.

The shirt you were holding up had LVN Volleyball Camp splayed across the front, so you knew it definitely wasn’t Paige’s. It was really big though, so you were curious as to whose it was. Just to know if you could wear it or not, you convinced yourself. Not because you were trying to confirm your fears - that this was another girl who Paige had held that wasn’t you.

Paige didn’t look up from her phone when you asked your question, so you crumpled the shirt up into a ball and tossed it at her head. You were no basketball player, but the balled up shirt smacked her on target, right in the face, and you fought back a self satisfied smile.

Paige finally looked up, giving you one of her soft smiles that tugged at your heartstrings. You loved when Paige looked at you like that, all gentle and affectionate, with half of her mouth turned up into a close mouthed grin that you knew so well.

“The shirt,” you gestured at it.

“Oh.” She looked down, unfolding the shirt and studying it before giving out a laugh. “Shit, sorry, that’s Stacy’s. I don’t know how it ended up in my closet. She was just here yesterday.” She folded the shirt into a neat little square and placed it next to her on the bed. “We must’ve been getting a little bit too wild,” she smirked, waggling her eyebrows at me.

Your heart sunk. Yesterday? You mean, you knew Paige talked to a lot of people, but she usually didn’t talk much about it, probably because she knows you get grossed out with too many details. Your chest stinging, you went to sit on the bed next to her. You didn’t wanna find a shirt anymore. All you wanted to do was go to sleep after a long day.

“What’s up? What’s got you being so emo?” Paige got down to lie her head in your lap, looking up at you with her bright blue eyes. Her was nose scrunched slightly, in the way that she does when she’s happy, and she reached up to play with the ends of your hair, twirling the strands between her fingers.

“Nothing. Just tired and moody,” you lied. You drummed your fingers against your thigh.

Paige smirked. “You really need to get laid, Y/N,” she laughed.

You managed to muster out a weak half smile in response to her words, trying to shove down the itchy pain that rose in your heart. “Shut up, Bueckers.”

“Make me.”

You rolled my eyes at her senseless teasing. “You’re such a flirt,” you groaned. Pushing her off your lap, you got up to look for your charger. You could feel Paige’s eyes on you as you moved about her room. Her legs were splayed out, and she was slumped on the bed. You hated when she did that, just looked at you. It felt like she was studying you all bare under a microscope.

The dynamic between the two of you had definitely shifted since last month, ever the drunken incident on the Big East championship night. You had mumbled apologies the morning after, when she had swung by before practice to make sure you were alright. She didn’t really listen to them, shoving you in that good natured way and assuring you that you guys were “chill like that” and that she could never be really mad at you.

But ever since then, there’d been a tension between the two of you. It spiked in moments like this, where she would start shamelessly flirting with you, trying to get a rise out of you. You didn’t mind much, per se, until you really thought about it and realized there was no meaning behind her flirting. But that was a disappointing reality you were trying to ignore.

“Come back to bed,” Paige called out. This time, you couldn’t tell if she’d meant for it to sound so sexual, but you crawled back into the bed where Paige was bundled up under the sheets.

“You look like a kid,” you giggled, “all wrapped up like a burrito.”

Paige rolled her eyes, a small smile playing at her lips. You felt her grab your waist and pull you closer so now you were both under the mountain of blankets and pillows she had formed. “You’re so warm,” she mumbled sleepily, pressing her forehead against your shoulder.

Both of you knew this was not how normal best friends slept together have a sleepover. But neither of you cared. This was where you felt most comfortable in the world, with Paige’s arm slung across your chest and one of her legs intertwined between yours. Her face was buried in your neck now, and her hair tickled your cheeks.

You could get used to this forever, you thought as you went to sleep.

——————————

Your heart thrummed with anticipation. Today was the day UConn would face off against Louisville in the Final Four of March Madness. You missed Paige; the last time you saw her was when you slept over two days ago. Ever since then, she’d be busy, understandably so. Basketball was her life, and she dedicated all of herself to the sport in times of competition like this.

Paige had gotten you a court-side ticket using one of the family spots allotted to her. Only her dad, step-mom, and Drew could make it to the game; her mom’s side of the family were on a vacation in Spain. On one side of you was Drew, who was happily bouncing in his seat, wearing one of his sister’s jerseys that was adorably big for him, and on the other side was Kayla, who’d gotten this game off but still wanted to watch anyways to support the girls.

As you watched the game, you oscillated between moments of pure joy and happiness when Paige sunk one of her 3s, moments of anger when one of the girls got fouled on without getting any calls for it, and moments of uncertainty when Louisville scored another point and the UConn girls tried to fight off their dejection from showing on their faces.

But you started to stay in the realm of uncertainty once Louisville started gaining, leading by 12 at the end of the third quarter.

“Are they gonna lose, Y/N?” Drew turned to you with a hopeful look in his eyes. You swallowed the knot in your throat. Basketball was everything to this team, and they’d worked so hard to get here. They didn’t deserve to lose, not when they were this close to the national championship.

“I hope not, buddy,” you responded quietly, and ruffled his hair. For the last quarter, Drew gripped your hand, swinging his legs anxiously as the game unfolded.

Despite the team’s best efforts, UConn fell to Louisville, 75-66, and the girls walked off the court, pain fresh in their eyes, their necks steeped with sweat and jerseys sticking damp to their chest. They moved tiredly, some of them being collected for brief post-game interviews while all of the others headed back to the locker rooms.

You made eye contact with Paige, and she pursed her lips, shaking her head sadly before slinging a towel around her neck and following the rest of the girls out.

“She looks so sad,” Drew’s voice was quiet next to you. You could tell he was upset too.

“It’s okay, buddy,” you assured him. “You know what? I bet they’re still selling the pretzels outside. Wanna come with me and see if they have any more churro bites?” Drew’s face lit up at that, and he eagerly shot up from his seat and grabbed your hand.

Paige’s dad, Bob, shot you a grateful smile. “We’ll find Paige, talk to her. You guys join us after, alright?”

You nodded, leading Drew out. To your luck, the pretzel stand had one more scoop of churro bites left that the man gave to you for free since they were closing down.

“Good, Drew?” You reached around him and stole one of the churro bites, popping one in your mouth.

“Y/N!” He groaned, sending me a fake glare. “Now you owe me.”

“I brought you all the way over here for pretzels and I owe you?” You gasped in offense, folding your arms and sending him a fake glare back.

He nodded solemnly. “Yeah. Now you owe me a piggy back ride.”

You laughed. “Okay, hop on,” you agreed, bending down. Drew cheered and jumped on your back, causing you to stumble forward. Both of you giggled as you straightened yourself, and you carried Drew all the way down to the locker rooms.

A security guard stood in the entrance to the hall of the locker rooms, a bored look in his eyes. As you tried to pass, he raised a hand. “Sorry miss,” he stated in a monotonous voice. “Players only.”

“It’s alright, she’s with me,” a voice called out. You looked up to see Paige at the end of the hall, her hair wet and tied up in a loose bun. Even after having just played a tough game, she looked unbelievably gorgeous, her cheeks rosy from the exertment from earlier.

“Paigey!” Drew clambered off my back and barreled into Paige, squeezing his little arms around her waist. Paige, ever the big sister, managed to push aside her feelings from the Final Four loss and look happy for Drew, whom she hadn’t seen in months.

“Hey, bud,” she said quietly, bending down to give him a proper hug. “I missed you.”

They talked in low tones for a moment, Paige smiling fondly at her little brother, before Azzi came along from the locker rooms and stole Drew away to meet the other girls.

Now it was just you and Paige in the hall. She stood up, and you moved to her. Before you knew it, she was in your arms, hugging you so tight you could barely breathe. You wrapped your arms around her, one hand coming up to play with the baby hairs at the nape of her neck, an effort to do whatever possible to comfort her.

“Hey,” you turned your head so your mouth was next to her ear. You whispered in her ear gently, “It’s not your fault.”

Paige drew back, her eyes glassy. Breathing shakily, she said, “All those 3s that I missed. Geno was counting on me. He said I had to step up since Azzi was injured, but I didn’t step up. I missed so many.”

I gripped her waist. “Look at me,” I said firmly. When she looked up to made eye contact, I brought my hands up to hold her face so that she couldn’t look away. “What about all the points that you did make? And all the plays you set up for your teammates? I don’t know much basketball, but I watched you out there, and you played with so much fierceness and grit. You played so goddamn good. Don’t be ashamed. At all.”

Paige reluctantly nodded, before pulling me into another hug. We stood there silently, her face buried in my neck and my arms hooked around her waist, until one of the UConn team assistants came bounding the hall.

“Uh,” he scratched his neck nervously as his eyes flitted between the two of us. “Sorry to interrupt, but it’s time for Paige to do press.”

Paige groaned. She stepped back, separating our bodies. “Come over later?” She whispered. “Please?” Her eyes searched mine, all hopeful. She was hurting, and hurting bad.

“Of course, P.” I squeezed her hand before stepping back too, letting the assistant shuffle her away to the press hall.

[alornights]

⟢ airheads

➜ in which ! stan is head over heels in love with the bimbo girl.

🌷 ﹫stan marsh.

✩ 🦩 warnings﹗suggestive.

🍧 ⟡ notes — me core somehow.

bro i got so carried away with this its so long, i love this sm.

masterlist [ check mlist for details ! ] — previous | next

"Who's that?" Stan murmured nodding his head over to a girl who walked through the cafeteria doors dressed in all pink, looking like a lost deer.

Kenny giggled leaning his chin on his head, "The new love of my life, she's new to town. Dumb and pretty I heard."

"You shouldn't degrade people like that..." Kyle murmured taking a sip of his drink, watching her walk around.

"Totally would bang," Cartman yelled with a grin.

"Like she would ever go for you."

"AY- I HEARD THAT-"

Stan tuned them watching you look around, scratching your hair with some pretty long nails. He sighed standing up, walking over to you, "Do you need help?"

You turned around with a big smile but Stan couldn't help but look down at your chest. "Oh, I just don't know where to sit. Why don't you sit with me!"

"What."

he doesn't understand it. he just can't wrap his head around why he liked you so much.

it wasn't even because of your looks, something about you just scratched his brain the right way.

the way you talk, the way you moved, the way you do anything is just so addictive to him. even you just writing something makes his head spin because it's you.

anytime you talk to him he just blacks out, to be honest, just being around you makes him so dizzy.

the way you pout when you get a question wrong in class has him gripping the table trying not to react to how adorable it was.

"I don't understand." He groaned laying on the concrete ground. "I can't fucking get her out of my mind. It's like she injected me."

"Whipped." Kenny teased passing the ball to Kyle.

"Shut up."

"Probably because you dated Wendy for so long that you're so used to serious mature people," Kyle concluded with a smirk shooting his basketball. "She's dumb, she's energetic, she's cool, she's hot. You like those stuff but you put them aside for Wendy."

"...God I hate it when your smart and right."

"It's part of my charm."

by this point it's mental. there's not a single second where you're not in his brain, even little things get him thinkin' bout you.

would help you in classes he's good at and no matter how much you don't understand it he'll help you get through it.

he thinks you two are a match made in heaven. the emo kid dating the popular bimbo girl? WHERE COULD IT GO WRONG-

loses his mind when he sees you biting the end of your pencil with narrowed eyes trying to understand the material.

gets very flustered when you actually flirt back with him when he accidentally called you gods best creation.

"God's best creation?" You teased leaning over the desk where you two sat and Stan tried his hardest not to look at your rather revealed chest. "Why that means we may be a match made in heaven."

"What."

You giggled taking your hand in his. "You're so cute, Stan."

"What."

he got a bit better but not really.

kenny got hella mad when you started being stan's new passenger princess. instead of all his shit in the glove compartment, he finds a bunch of makeup, candy (not that he doesn't mind), hair ties, and some other shit.

would drive you anywhere you wanted. just ask him and he wills, it doesn't matter what he's doing he'll drop everything for you.

loves listening to you ramble about those reality tv shows or all the twitter drama going on, while very confused, he still loves it.

somehow gets you into rock. he doesn't know how.

bro if you two got to the point of kissing, he's obsessed with your lipstick smudging his lips, it's his fav thing ever.

extra points if you kiss him on his neck and shoulder, HE WILL NOT WIPE THAT SHIT OFF.

if tegrady farms is still around and making money will probably use that money to go shopping with you.

"Are you sure?" You questioned clinging onto his arm as you walked around the mall though the smile on your face said you loved this.

Stan smiled, "Of course baby. I wanna treat you right today."

"Baby?"

maybe he did get bold.

but seeing the way you lit up when he called you that. so he keeps going with it, and he loves how jealous everyone gets.

his dad may complain about all his money disappearing but stan couldn't care less with the way he gets to see you trying on clothes for him like a runway model.

especially those revealing outfits... lord have mercy on him.

couldnt help but stare at your ass when some of skirts and dresses started hiking up.

and tbh if you beg enough, he will get his nails done with you. he fucking enjoyed it, and went back again with you.

bonus, the first time you went with him, you let him pick out the nails and it was your favorite set ever.

and then you started getting very bold.

The two of you sat on the floor of Stan's living room studying for a science test. Stan got lucky that his parents were out of town for the weekend and his sister was off in college.

Unluckily, you two were getting no progress done.

"I don't understand Stan this is too haaard," You whined out loudly throwing your hands over his neck. "I'm boreeed. Why don't we..." You trailed off letting one of your hand land on his thigh, "Why don't we take a break? Have some fun."

"Huh...?" Stan murmured, eyes widened as his body got hotter and hotter with every second, his mind running to all sorts of thoughts.

"So?" You questioned with a pure smile letting your hand trail up.

"Oh."

[carmensbrain]

tehehe

thinking about deviant connor being attracted to goth/emo/metalhead people after his deviancey.

i mean he did say he liked metal music in one of the dialogue pieces! it would make so much sense!! i think he would find people with facial piercings to be extremely intresting and would be asking a million questions about them 😭😭🙏🙏🙏

headcanons preferred!

- 🦐 your new mystery requester!

Welcome to the brain 🦐!!

Connor is an interesting creature so I am happy to write about him and his odd brain🎀

Contains- Connor being a silly guy

Rating- E for every brain and thirium pump

Warnings- none

Authors note- I really don’t like this one, sorry 🦐 ( ._. )""

Fic starts below cut!!

Connor had always been entranced by deviancy, it was programmed into him so of course he would, but human deviancy intrigued him far more.

He found himself staring at people with dyed hair and piercings far too long, wondering why they presented themselves in that way, not in a mean way he just found it interesting.

Upon seeing you, dressed to the nines in gothic attire, he was staring… a little too much. Assuming he was judging you, you stared back with a scowl but he didn’t look away he actually came closer.

“Excuse me?” You step back to gain back the distance taken by his curiosity, scanning him for a hint of aggression or malice but found nothing. He was purely interested in your makeup, observing the strokes of eyeliner and clean layer of white face paint covering your skin.

“Why do you paint your face like that?” He asks, his LED on his temple circling yellow as he snaps out of his analysis.

“I like it, it’s a form of… self expression” you explain, still questioning his intentions but relaxing slightly when you see the contemplative look on his face.

“May I see how you do it?” He asks, cocking his head to the side curiously.

From that day on you gained a curious follower. He spent his off days with you, silently observing how you methodically create a new face for yourself early in the day, he even came with you to get you lip pierced.

He was silently scared for you, constantly asking if you would be okay, and reminding you of calming breathing techniques. The weeks of healing afterwards were hell, thousands of questions came from him.

“How does it feel?”

“Does it hurt?”

“Did you follow the proper healing process?”

You could only smile and assure him that it was alright, letting him touch the metal that was warmed by your skin to show it didn’t really bother you.

He told Hank all about you, every detail of how you shopped for clothes, your makeup process, your music taste, everything.

“Jesus connor it sounds like you love this girl.”

The old man murmurs sarcastically, halfway through a glass of stale beer from the bar. Though he thought nothing of it Connor’s LED circled red of a while after, finally shutting up to think.

[pretty-chaotic-world]

if my BPD can scream

1. I wish i could have a normal love... but no, my brain wants to worship every little detail of you until it drives me insane

2. sorry i pushed you away i felt abandoned and suicidal 

3. I’m sick of going to bed and knowing things won’t be better tomorrow 

4. I'll ask you thousands times if you really love, please don't get annoyed

5. I'll create "drama" and mishaps only to feel like I'm in home

6. i’m afraid that one day my anger will overshadow the little love i still have left for the world

7. I feel numb. No tears, no anger, nothing. Just going through the same day again and again. I would rather just sleep without waking up.

8. I'm so tired of everytime one small argument or inconvenience breaks out I want to end it and self destruct, it's so draining. 

9. I want to stop feeling anything and when i actually don't it breaks my heart but I can't cry it out.

10. "its all in your head" well duh where tf else is it gonna be??? in my fucking kidneys????

11. I am constantly between wanting people to care about me and wanting them not to so I can hurt myself without feeling guilty 

12. Psychiatrist told me there is no cure for bpd and I've to change myself. Well why cant they just let me die then?

13. Until you live with bpd you'll never know what it's like to be too much and not enough at the same time.

14. i know im constantly too much for everyone but sometimes i just want to be enough for someone

15. if he will leave me, my next diagnosis will be of "sociopath"

16. im so jealous of all the people who see him and touch him and talk to him every single day it should be me me me me 

17. oh I got my hair coloured. why? because I can't hurt myself anymore 

18. "you're so distant" because you can't handle my abandonment issues.

19. My younger self disappoint me a lot. like why were you begging people to stay in your life? ohh no worries I know the answer

20. I wanna throw a plate against the wall, stab a knife through my hand, destroy my laptop with a hammer, smash my door in with an axe and spray graffiti all over the walls of my room 

21. Why shouldn’t I be mad? Why can’t I just be angry and be allowed to feel it? Why can’t I burn everything down?

22. I have to watch my mouth every fucking second to make sure I don't destroy every relation I have coz apparently social life matters!!

23. Isnt it fucked up how he got away with every horrible thing he made me experience and I’m the one who has to live with myself feeling absolutely fucking worthless 

24. I don't deserve food and love. im a horrible person.

25. this is how my eating cycle goes

feeling weak coz i haven't ate anything -> eat -> purge -> feeling guilty after purging -> eat more -> feeling guilty after eating so much -> cry coz you don't know what's happening

26. the diagnosis makes me believe I'm not insane just lil emo ig!! NOOOO YOU'RE INSANE

27. “don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years 

28. if I tell you I love you its equivalent to I can kill someone for you

29. Actually upon further inspection that shit really hurt my feelings 

30. I don't dive into insecurity anymore, i drown in self-loathe

31. i shut up in between group convo coz I know I'll talk invaluable shit and nobody really cares what I say until it's psychology class

32. "if you are fully aware of yourself, why do you keep acting like that?" slapping self awareness on top of bpd only grants the ability to watch yourself self-destruct straight from the vip section thats all it does literally

33. “Where do you see yourself in the future” building a cult for mentally ill people 

34. ofc I've a praise kind i was ignored as a child

35. I'm much better than I was before. you know why coz I don't to air now and don't see monsters walking by side all the time

36. No I don't want to self harm anymore I need to kill that fucking monster

37. Don't mind me, I'm just casually sabotaging all my positive relationships with negative delusions because my life doesn't feel real unless something dramatic and destructive is constantly occurring 

38. i don’t care i don’t care i don’t care (im going to sob my fucking eyes out)

39. “Stop making your disorder your personality” I have a fucking personality disorder for god sake

40. turning my mental illnesses into kinks and calling it the BDSM-5 

41. "destroy something precious while you're in rage" ohh yeaa and then I'll do that again and again 

42. what I hate most about my BPD is the fact that I have started doubting every emotion that I’ve ever felt in my life, whether it’s love, my grief through multiple traumas, or my anger, & it’s so saddening. It has actually led me to start questioning my reality.

43. if I need medication to stay alive, am I really meant to be here?

44. it's either be alone without 75% of my symptoms, or be with someone and display the most horrendous unstable awful version of myself. why do i have to choose between love & happiness or peace & stability?

45. That fucking bpd rage where everyone's voices makes you want to scream and every noise around you makes you want to sh and you're so mad you can almost feel the cuts everywhere 

46. getting worked up to the point of becoming physically ill (throwing up/stomach issues etc) because you felt rejected/abandoned by your favourite person  

47. i wish my trauma made me kind as everyone says but i’m becoming what i fear the most- a monster.

48. imagine getting diagnosed with a personality disorder and the only visible representation of that disorder is an animated horse man, a sociopathic sitcom character from philadelphia, and darth vader

[beenbaanbuun]

i’m gonna talk about things i like in varying amounts of detail bc life is overwhelming and thinking and talking about them actually really helps sometimes!

alton towers

okay so i made a 100+ page powerpoint on alton towers which i would give everyone access to but i can’t because i don’t know how to make myself anonymous as the creator and i’m not about to dox myself…

ANYWAY!!! alton towers is a theme park in staffordshire england! it’s the biggest theme park in the uk, tied for highest number of coasters (10) but way larger in terms of actual area of the park. it’s built on the grounds of a stately home that used to be owned by the earl of shrewsbury! a dark ride is actually based off of a local legend involving one of the earls. it’s called hex and it’s a vekoma madhouse and while i could go into so much detail about both the story and vekoma madhouses (because they’re an excellent piece of engineering that genuinely make me so happy to talk about) i have so much more to talk about and i don’t want this post to be miles long!

the oldest coaster there currently is nemesis: reborn which first opened in 1994 under the name nemesis. she was the first b&m inverted coaster to be built outside of the us and, like most alton towers coasters, was built specifically to fit the contours of the land. due to height restrictions set in place by the local council, alton towers cannot built any coasters above tree level so as not to be seen outside of the park. to combat this, alton towers actually build down and nemesis is a perfect example of them doing this. they quarried out the land first and used the removed rocks elsewhere in the park for theming (most notably in the katanga canyon theming!!). in november 2022 (at the end of the theme park season that runs from march-november), nemesis was closed for a refurbishment. she remained closed throughout 2023 and reopened in march 2024 under the new name. more theming was added, tracks were replaced to make them more durable and she also got a lick of paint to keep up with the updated lore! nemesis sub-terra, the dark ride that was opened in 2012 before promptly shutting in 2015, has even been reinstated and actors are scattered around this section of the park to keep things feeling alive.

there’s so much more to talk about for alton towers but i’ll keep it short and sweet! if anyone wants to ask any questions about it (or anything on here for that matter) then feel free to drop into my inbox! i’m happy to talk about any of these things more!!

five nights at freddy’s

specifically security breach actually…

which i get is not a popular opinion because the game was broken as fuck when it first came out but guys! the aesthetic!! the story!!! the open world!!!! MY FAVOURITE FATHER FIGURE GLAMROCK FREDDY!!!!! i don’t have a good relationship with my parents and glamrock freddy???? he fixed that. he cured me!!

anyway, that’s not important rn, i got distracted. i just love this game guys :((( it’s not necessarily scary but it is fun and the characters mean the world to me so genuinely. i laugh every time i see a ‘freddy! you’re supposed to be on lockdown’ meme because they’re so funny to me. i am doing things with this franchise rn that confuses even the likes of me (no spoilies though)!! and while no fnaf lore will ever make sense to me (especially not with the addition of AR… huh?!?) i still love the franchise and everything to do with it!!

bring me the horizon

shut up and let me ramble about the band that changed my life when i was a lonely little 12 year old!! i mean that so genuinely too, these guys have done so much for me and my personality and that is not a good thing but it’s certainly a thing. theyre the reason i’m an insufferable little emo and they have to face the consequences!!

and i’m not gonna say too much about them because i’ll never be able to express all my thoughts and feelings to the extent that i want to. i do however want to say that i’m proud to live where i live because of them. i’m proud of my accent because of them. i’m 90% sure i saw oli outside of a charli xcx concert in 2022 but that’s kind of irrelevant to my whole point. basically, they made me who i am today and you have them to thank for a lot!

(i literally wore my nex gen tshirt today and it was cool and epic)

this is it for now but there will be more in the future when it is not 2:20am and i am not on the verge of passing out!!!

[jcbbby]

prompt: 🪦 like the brightest falling star burning across the sky

🎉 JCBBBY’S 500 FOLLOWER PARTY! 🎉

thank you for not one, but TWO prompts for this prompt party! <3 I'm so glad to have you here!! - "Like the brightest falling star burning across the sky." warnings: not really any? just more Kit being dramatic and emo genre: angst note: I'm so sorry this is very short! :/ -

"Kit!" You banged on the door of his home. "Kit, open this door!"

You had awoken that morning to the delivery of a letter, from Kit. Expecting a beautifully written poem of sorts, given your smitten exchanges over the last several months. However, upon unfolding the paper, your smile fell. It was a letter detailing how he believed you two should break things off, and that he was sorry for leading you on. Your heart sunk as he signed off his letter asking you to just forget him, as if it were so simple.

You continued banging on the wooden door, feeling your fists grow red with each furious rap on it. Suddenly, the door opened, your hand stopped short of landing another blow. There he stood in front of you, stoic but guarded. He leaned against the door frame.

"What on earth is this?!" You spat, waving the letter in front of his face. "Have you so little feeling for me? Was this all just a bit of fun for you?"

"Darling...please. Just go." He sighed, going to close the door.

You shoved your way through the threshold, defiant on getting to the bottom of this. "No. I deserve an answer, Kit. It was just two days ago we were dancing around giggling like children, and now you ask me to forget you? Have I done something to you?"

Kit walked toward his sitting room as you followed, letting the door shut behind you. He didn't answer as he made his way over to his desk, sitting in his writing chair. You stood a few paces from him, trying your best to maintain composure.

"Answer me!" You demanded.

He shook his head, not meeting your eyeline. "No, you've done nothing. You've been wonderful. The problem lies with me...you are not deserving of me."

You cocked your head back, letting out an exasperated huff. "I beg your pardon? Kit, you are a shining star, my love. Can you not see how passionate you make me?"

"Yes... a shining star. Like the brightest falling star burning across the sky... only to then fizzle out, spent and gone." Kit hung his head, before quickly turning it toward the fire. "You ought to leave."

"No, no. Kit, please...just..." You approached him, kneeling down in front of him.

You looked up to him with large, doe eyes, tears stinging them. You took his hand in yours, kissing it lightly.

"Darling..." He began, taking his hand to your cheek. "I am a like a belladonna flower. Tis nice to look at, but the demise of any who dares let it in."

"I care not! All I do care about is you. Why not let me decide my fate for myself?" You placed your hand over his on your cheek.

"I have caused many a person enough pain and strife to last them into the afterlife..." He lightly pushed you out of his way as he stood up and began walking to the fireplace. "I refuse to let another soul succumb to my impulsive temper, or my suggestive activities. You should leave now while you still have your wits about you."

"What are you even on about? Kit, you sound like one of your plays." You crossed your arms over your chest. "Do you hear yourself?"

He spun around, a scowl across his expression. "I am one of my plays, haven't you caught on? Tragedy, despair, pain. Where do you think I find inspiration?"

You were silent, unsure of how to reply. You shuffled on your feet, both holding each other's stare for a moment. "I...I just want to help you." Your demeanor softened.

"I did not ask thee for help..." He spat. "You would help me by leaving. Forgetting me. Moving on."

You felt your body tense, overcome by frustration. It was clear there was no getting through to him. "Fine. As you wish." You spun on your heels to walk back to the front door. After one step, you spun back around. "You might let yourself indulge in a happily ever after sometimes. Perhaps you wouldn't become so fizzled out, spent and gone. Goodbye Kit."

With that, you walked out the door, slamming it behind you. Kit sighed to himself, walking back to his desk. He sunk down into his chair and quietly picked up his quill. As he wrote, a tear fell from his cheek, darkening a spot on the paper.

[the-fanfic-challange]

“Ya know me and you could work” “That will be 5.95”

Pairing-dean winchester x female presenting reader

fandom- supernatrual

authours note: this got hella de railed and cringey so you have been warned

not eddited

cw: cringe

written by: A

notes: Set pre season one 

It had be a long day on the road and i mean a long day it didn't help that he had just  had to drive through heavy rain so sam could go investigate something in some woods in the middle of nowhere off a highway like seriously man come on the whole ride  it sounded like the roof of the car was going to cave in and he didn't want that to happen to his beloved Chevrolet Impala also know as his baby as well as the roads begging to slippery to drive on couldn't have his baby crashing into a tree now he could he. Saying he loved his car was an understatement. Sam was making his way out o the car grabbing his gear and such as Dean was handing him something from the backseat bit before he could take his seat belt off to start getting his things read“I have t do this on my own”... bit fucking emo there sam but okay sam starts getting out of the car and shuts the door and through the open window he starts “just head to the motel…” as much as the two bickered dean did worry for his brother and sam clearly picked up on that and wanted to put his fears to rest “ill be back in the morning it but instead of waiting here can you get us booked into the motel i dont think this will be a one night thing…” sam continued as he almost forgot to tell him where he was going “the motel is on on the other side of town”its of redwood avenue basically the main road there's shops and there around it” sam starts making his way into the woods dean wanted to shout something like be careful because in times like these he really did care for his brother but he isn't open to get emotional that easy so instead he resorted to shouting at him “don't die bitch” dean started driving off one upside of sam begging gone? He could play good music finally as sam was gone as dean speed down the road ignoring the speed limit  and blasting “I'm am the tiger” he slowed down as he stopped into the small town and when i say slowed down i mean he was still going sixty in a school zone he pulled up into the motel and after getting checked into it he started unpacking things leaving bags on sams bed the motel room was not too shabby it had its own little coffee maker and a small fridge with nothing in it and a bathroom that surprisingly didn't look like you would need a tetanus shot after taking a shit so a real upgrade despite all the necessities begging in here and that he was running on two hours of sleep and should get some rest he decided no and to go hit up the local bar dean hopped in the car and started driving blasting “i'm on the highway to hell” and he drove past this coffee shop guaranteed it was very dark and he couldn't see much but from what he could make out the shop and a brick exterior with small wooden tables whith parasols lined up outside and windows decorated in the most beautiful flowers and ivy climbing up the walls and a chalk baord sign sitting out the front with menu items and such and a big sign hanging over the building ut was low visibility but he made an effort to read the sign “Bean There Drank That” he chuckled lightly at that oh god what had his humour came to sam had been warring him down little did he know walst he was taking in every detail of the coffee shop his brain went on auto pilot and he had parked outside the small shop why was he so invetsied in this shop? Well through the light up window he saw this girl standing there cleaning up and he was watching her very closely almost stalker like watching her 

You were packing up the store for the night eager to get home as yet again it was you stuck on shutdown shift yo were a bit of a night owl but still why was it always you you ah had two more people show up after closing time and you begging your humble self decided to let your fellow co-workers  leave early little did you know these customers were ordering a lot like what do they need fourteen cups of hot chocolate for and you swore if you heard that bell ring another time 

You heard the familiar chimes of the bell and as you were about to say you were closed “hey sorry for intruding can i get something to drink i promise it will be a quick order” you looked at the man in front of you and gods would you be a fool to say no to him he was a tall well built man with his hair styled slightly upwards wearing a leather jacket and a blue shirt underneath but on the other hand you really wanted to go home “please” he begged his voice had you melting who dose he think he is having you like this you made your way behind the counter and put on the best customer service voice could “hi what can i get for you today sir” you watched his eyes flick up to the menu god he was handsome but could he cant have you waiting here all night like this “eh ill have a large black coffee whith a double shot of espresso” you can here the smile in his voice hes smiling at you thai whole time you cant help but feel a light blush creep onto your face “emh” you clear your throat “that will be ready in about five minutes sir” you look around to see if you have left any seats out “ill just stand” “whats the name for the order” where you just asking that to find out his name so mabay fi he gave you his full name you could google him later? Mabay 

 he pauses“you do realise nobody else is in here.” wow he found that one funny hes laughing to himself “what if i made it and thought it was for me and drank it all?” wonder if he can handle the heat “you dont look like you could handle even a shot of espresso. That's personal “is that a challenge” dean did look frightened he laughs lightly “you have some fire to you dont you?” he likes this doesn't he  “mhm and whats the name mystery man” “dean”  “and how do you spell that” “do you not no basic spelling” laughing at his own jokes again now is he? “No i would spell it D-U-M-B-A-S-S wonder if you can even spell that” you snap back you really are enjoying this banter “D-E-A-N” “thank you” you said sarcastically you start making his order when he attempts to make some small talk with you 

“When do you usually close up at” 

“Around eight o'clock but since your here eleven”

“How long have you been working here” “A few years now” you laugh lightly “Just using it to pay of college” Then he He starts grilling you with most random questions 

“What's your favourite colour”

“Have you got any pets” 

“Is anyone else here” 

“Are you single”

“Why are you so pretty”

“Tell me why you would look amazing in my back seat” 

Some of those things are not like the others each question he asked you had a quick quip back for you really were not giving in and he was loving this he kept flirting with you since you were making his coffee you had your back to him he was driving you MAD when you finally turned back to face him and handed his coffee “that will be 5.95” he took a sip wlast rummaging around in his pockets for money “That tastes good but you know what will, taste better” you rent spying attention as you are fixing up his receipt  “You” “ that will be 5.95 please” “Ya know me and you could work”

“That will be 5.95” “wait hold on why is it more money then its says on that board” “because your annoying” he gave you a ten dollar bill “fine im letting you keep the change though” you handed him his receipt 

Dean felt a but discouraged he felt like he was getting something it wasn't until he looked down at the receipt 

Large black coffee 2x espresso 3.45 

Annoying fee 2.50

He had to blink a couple of times that was your phone number well mabay he was right 

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Being Karasuno's Manager

Manager is an Artist

Karasuno x GN! Manager

Warnings: pure fluff

A/N: This is an Anon request!

🎉 Please Like, Share, Comment to support my writing 🎉

I feel like Karasuno is one of those super accepting teams

Like they will literally hype you up no matter what you do!

Like they are just so happy to have you as a manager YN 🥺

So when they discover you can draw 🤚🏻

It's all over

You mostly draw Manga panels but you also freestyle

They first find out when you start doodling on the sheets you take notes on for practice

Imagine little Hinata's jumping, tiny Tanaka's growling 🥰

Even imagines from that weeks Shonen Jump!

The team loves them

They add flare to the notes

Yachi and Kiyoko utilize your drawing abilities fully!

Remember when Yachi had the idea to fundraise?

Yeah instead of taking a picture, Yachi asked you to draw it

"You- you want me to draw Hinata jumping?"- you say

"Yeah! I mean I can take a still photo and you can use it for reference. I just think it would really make it so unique!"- Yachi says excitedly

"I mean- can I draw it with a little flare"- you say

Yachi agrees and you go to work

You spend the night drawing different renditions of Hinata flying to bring to the team 🪶

They walk into the gym to see you hanging up the drawings

"Hey YN- HOLY CRAP"- Daichi says 😲

"YN did you draw these? They are amazing!"- Asahi adds

"I did! I want you guys to vote which one we should use"- you say, smiling 🙂

"Wow Hinata, YN managed to make you look normal"- Kageyama

"Shut up crappy-yama! You're just jealous YN drew me instead of you!"- Hinata

"AM NOT"- Kageyama says getting in Hinata's face

"ARE TOO"- hinata 😝

Literal children YN istg- 🙄

When it comes time for training camp, you pack your favorite sketch book and drawing medium

During breaks, you sketch the guys in their element

Kuroo and his blocks

Kageyama and his flawless sets

Noya and his gorgeous receives

Akaashi and his beautiful face 🥰

Bokuto and his emo modes 😐

Literally by the end of training camp, YN has enough drawings to create a Manga

I mean 👀👀👀👀

You spend your nights at camp adding things to your drawings

The details you create YN 🥲

The final day at camp, you cautiously approach the guys at the BBQ

"I uhh- I wanted to give you these"- you say blushing

Bokuto, Kuroo and all the boys look at your drawings

"Holy crap YN you did these??"- Kuroo says shocked

"YN I LOOK AMAZING! WOW IS THIS HOW I LOOK WHEN I DO A LINE SHOT? AKAASHI LOOK!"- Bokuto

Akaashi 👉🏻😐 wow amazing

"YN you are so talented! Thank you for these"- Kai says as you smile

"Hey YN if you ever need a new school, Fukurodani always has an opening"- Konoha adds 😏

"YN WOULD NEVER LEAVE US"- Noya and Tanaka growl

"YN seriously look what you started!"- Daichi

You 👉🏻 👁👄👁 🧍‍♂️

If only you weren't so talented YN, none of this would have happened 😅

[jonnnysuh]

Dating Jeno would include

Requested by anon: Please do a “Dating Jeno would include”!! 🥺 loved the details for the Jaemin one. Thank you!

A/N: ngl I got kinda emo making this LMAO

Series Masterlist

Crushing Stages:

He wants to make a good impression on you, but he doesn’t ever know what to say.

When he gets the chance to be around you he’s extra polite,,, even kind of timid to cross the line and tease you

But the moment he gets a better feel for your personality he relaxes a bit and is able to crack a joke or two

Literally spends so much of his time thinking about how he’s gonna admit his feelings for you

Blurts it out and is immediately embarrassed and apologizes bc he had something better in mind

but what gets him to him shut up is when you say “I like you too.”

Dating:

When you're not giving attention he will literally wait until you do

Likes to bite you for fun... but bro we are not in Twilight pls relax Edward Cullen

DOESNT ever want to hang up the FaceTime,,, he would rather sleep with it on

Tries really hard to remember all your friends names, and all of the things you like

lowkey highkey comes in handy so he can get more info on you and surprise you with your favourite stuff from time to time

Sometimes gets his face way too close to yours

he just likes to be so close in general

but the view's pretty nice

Calls you “my baby” unapologetically

Lifts you a little when you hug him (okay why did this make me emo?)

Always squishes u a bit when he holds you

he just doesn't know his strength sometimes he forgets he's not so little

Sometimes likes to be little spoon but don’t tell his friends that

Honestly truly loves the way you look without makeup (if you wear it)

Accidentally spoils the surprises he has for you

Like he can’t help it he’s just too excited

Playfully annoys you

like he just randomly has playful moments where he pulls you away or repeats the things you say

he's just a kid at heart

Sometimes you'll catch him staring you and you're met with the most precious ｡^‿^｡

Sends you pics of things that reminds him of you

Doesn’t want to talk much when you guys are fighting fighting but he’s always the first one to fold

His face literally lights up whenever your name is mentioned

Kills the spiders for you!! And does not chase you with it!!!

Always makes sure to send you off with a forehead kiss

Can listen to you talk to your passions all dayyyyy

Thinks you wearing his clothes is the absolute cutest thing in the world

All his friends know he's whipped

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for a day or 3 years, he will always turn into a blushing mess every time you compliment him

[cuziloveyou7]

Festering feelings

Pairing: Bokuto Kōtarō x gn!reader

Wordcount: 1.7k

Warnings: angst, mentions of depression, anxiety and panic attacks. Also kind of mentioning eating disorder?

A/n: I know I said I don't like angst and stuff, but since I'm a walking angst piece right now... here ya go! I did it! Someone help me out bc idk how to do tw! If I missed something please tell me! Also please bare in mind that this is my first real fic after not having written anything for 7 years.

This is not proof read, I made this around 1.30am bc I had an idea.......

It was slow, very slow, yet very fast. The first thing that happened was just build up tension. You were mad, frustrated. You needed to vent but didn't want to bother anyone. You would usually confide in Bokuto but he was so busy. The Olympics were coming up and he was training so hard. Each time he came home he was even more tired than the day before and the day before that. So you just did what you always do, suck it up and keep your mouth shut.

-----------

You were slipping. You felt it gradually happening. Not like the times before, when for the most part you didn't know what was happening. No this time you knew.

A week. That's all you could handle. Slipping up here and there, mentioning tiny details to your best friends. Until eventually you just wanted to scream on top of your lungs on the highest building you could find at that moment. Luckily one of your friends caught on and asked you out for a walk around the park.

The two of you talked for hours. Finally getting it off your chest. It felt like such a relief. You felt like the situation was under control again. Nothing wrong. A false alarm? Or maybe just in time before the damage was out of anyone control.

Another week passed. You absorbed yourself in work, house duties and watched some episodes of your favourite anime. You cherished the little time you could spend with Bokuto and loved the stories he would tell you about the team. Your best friend also checked in on you, because they were still worried about you even though you brushed them off saying all was well.

But that nasty tiny feeling inside you was still there. A little unconscious, but festering each day, oh so slowly.

It started with getting tired more often. You blamed it on work. But even on your days off, you would wake up feeling exhausted. You would be so drained even when you did nothing but watch TV or play games to pass the time.

The next thing that happened made you more aware of your situation. Your friend asked you to go out for a walk again. You guys talked, gave an update on what was bothering you but switched the topic to an update about your friend's life. While they were telling you about their life you noticed you weren't exactly paying attention. Your mind wandering off to nowhere, zoning out of the conversation. You felt bad. Your friend had been there for you, listening to all your problems and yet here you were not really paying attention to them.

The same goes for Bokuto. He would come home, ask you how your day was and continue with telling you about his. As much as you loved his stories about the antics of Hinata and Kageyama or the other players, you actually couldn't be bothered in the least. Responding with a 'really?', 'Oh yeah...', 'that's nice'.

Next came closing yourself off. You just wanted everything to get over with. Counting the minutes down for when you could finally go home from work and curl yourself in a blanket on the couch. When Bokuto came home you would usually be "too absorbed" in whatever was playing on the TV or you would already be in bed, blaming it on work or just being tired.

You started losing interest in all the things you liked. You couldn't occupy yourself anymore. The days became longer and longer. You started losing your appetite. Only eating when your body basically screamed for nutrition and even then you would sometimes ignore your own body's scream for food.

At some point, you were just so done. Not caring to force a smile on your face anymore. Plain up ignoring your friends when they texted you. And when Bokuto would come home. The lights would already be out and you would lay in bed with the covers over your head and your back facing him.

Usually, Bokuto picks up very fast on your moods and emotions. Having gone through his well famous emo modes when he was younger. The two of you were always open and honest with your feelings and emotion towards each other. It was something you guys as a couple prided yourselves on.

It was also something you especially needed. Having gone through horrible panic attacks, anxiety and depression. Talking yourself down was/is also something your very good at. And Bokuto picked up on that very quickly when you just started dating.

To some Bokuto seems very carefree and not aware of his surroundings. But in actuality, he's very emotionally intelligent. So he struck up a conversation you would've never guessed you'd have on one of your many dates. Bokuto eased you into it, told you about his emo modes and made you comfortable enough to let you open up about your experiences. This actually helped you go past the blockade that was stopping you from making this relationship official.

But with Bokuto training for the upcoming Olympics and him being away from home more often than not, it was easier to go unnoticed for him and easier for you to slip and fall into a deeper depression.

After weeks of walking around like a zombie, you finally broke down. You had a day off. When you woke up Bokuto was already gone. He texted you later that day saying he would sleep at the training centre because training would go on longer than normal.

It had been a beautiful day, the weather was nice, the sun had been shining, the warmth of summer started to peek through. It would have made you giddy had it not been for the nasty pest growing bigger and bigger inside you. When dusk came you felt it bubbling up. You tried really hard to ignore it. Tried to soothe it with some episodes of your comfort anime. Tried to pick yourself up and pamper yourself with some extra steps in your skincare routine but it was all in vain. Once you stepped inside your shared bedroom you felt the tears trickling down your face. Through your tears you searched for your earbuds, plugging them in and searching for the best sad songs playlist you could find. Shutting off the lights as you lay down in the middle of the bed.

At first, you just lay there, looking up at the ceiling, silent tears streaming down your temple, past your ears into your hair. You felt the tears slowly make their way past your scalp until they finally touched the soft pillow behind your head. You turned your head getting uncomfortable from the feeling of your tears. The pillow your head lay on smelled like him, it's smelled like everything you loved, comforted, his favourite shower gel, a hint of sweat, it smelled like warm sunbeams on an early summer morning, it smelled nice. This made you break down in sobs, which became louder the longer you went on. You stuffed your face in his pillow, threw the covers around you, trying to silence your sobs and screams. They were too loud for you, agonising pain shot through you. You felt alone. Spiralling deeper into a dark hole that was your mind.

-----------

When Bokuto stepped inside your shared apartment he tried to be as silent as he could. The lights were out, a sign that you would probably be asleep already. While trying to get his shoes off Bokuto debated whether or not he should wake you up. He noticed you being unusually tired and sleeping earlier than you normally would. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall, 9.04 pm. A soft smile crossed his features. Maybe he was a bit selfish but he decided to wake you and tell you about his surprise day off coach gave the team. Shuffling around in the dark apartment trying not to bump into any furniture he neared the bedroom door.

The smile Bokuto had on his face disappeared in an instance. His heart dropped when he heard your muffled sobs. You sounded tired. As if you had been crying for a while now. Bokuto rested his head against the door, gripping the handle until his knuckles turned white. How could he not have noticed it before? Sure he was busy, but he always noticed when you started feeling down. Was he not paying attention to you? Had he been too absorbed in his own world? Why didn't you tell him anything? You guys told each other everything. What got you down like this so bad you wouldn't open up to anyone, not even him. But most of all, he was angry, angry at himself for letting it get this far.

But right now that wasn't important. What's most important is you. Without further hesitation Bokuto softly opened the door and stepped towards the bundled up form on the bed.

---------

You felt a cold rush of the air when your blankets lifted up from you. Goosebumps made their way onto your skin. But it wasn't long before you felt a comfortable warmth surround you. Nothing like the suffocating warmth from your blankets. Two strong arms held your body. You didn't have to look up to see who the arms belonged to.

No words were spoken between the two of you. You started sobbing a little louder again until you felt the soft vibrations of Bokuto humming. Taking your earbuds out you looked up at the man 'Kou..' you sniffle softly, but before you could continue Bokuto laid your head back on his chest and started petting your head 'It's okay now. I'm here. Let's just stay like this okay? We'll talk tomorrow' he gave your head a soft kiss before continuing humming again.

Tired from all the crying combined with the soft vibrations coming from Bokuto humming you closed your eyes. Your worries drifted away, tomorrow was another day. You would tell Bokuto everything. But for now, you felt content, safe in his arms. The bad feelings slowly subsiding for at this moment, he was your light, he was the warmth you were desperately searching for, he is your home.

[nagdabbit]

MY GIRLFRIEND'S COMMENTARY WHILE WATCHING HER FIRST AEW PPV

"my entire fitness goal is hook's shoulder-waist ratio, but with taz's extremely dense neck."

"the funniest thing about wrestling is that this fucking company is trying to make something called a stadium stampede sound both cool, AND serious."

gf: "if you cry listening to a crowd sing judas again, im divorcing you." me: "so that means youre gonna marry me." gf: "i've been bamboozled."

about brian cage: "this man is a huge dork. like, literally, i could fit me in him."

"i dunno what it is, but i would die to protect mr. hangman. he hunk, but he also baby."

thoughtfully, "i bet i could just catch you out of the air like that. i mean, i can squat you, i could probably even curl you like that, too."

because she is deeply in wrestling twitter now: "HOOK! babe, look, its hook! hook hive, rise up!"

"what i love about this feud is that all these men are fuckin' idiots. no brain cells, just shoes and fwiendship."

"what do you mean their tag team isn't just the wild boys, wtf? missed opportunity."

"those kicks are ugly, but i would steal them, too, honestly." *thirty seconds of silence layer* "for you, babe. i'd steal them for you, i mean."

"jon, no, the germs, jon, jesus christ, please dont drink that jon you dumbass."

"i love eddie, but i'm pretty sure we should never hang out. too much extremely new york energy, we would get arrested in like ten minutes. possibly less."

"diorsday device is the funniest shit ive ever fucking heard, how goddamn sad is that."

"max caster is gonna get murdered, but i love him."

"i wish bowens and his extremely attractive boyfriend the best in life."

"colt cabana and tay conti are tied for best smile in wrestling, but tay wins because i dont want colt to kick me in the face."

"penta is the only joker i formally recognize."

"today i found out that some people don't like stu and uno, and to them i say get entirely fucked."

after rush came out and i lost my entire shit: "i don't fully understand yet, but i support you." *one minute later* "oooooooooooohh. okay, yeah."

gf: "i enjoy that cody is pushing ogogo by being a dumb bitch with this america schtick." me: "you gonna say that when cody wins?" gf: "...fuck."

"ogogo got that guy ritchie movie ass music you love to see it."

"you were right about cody and i fuckin' hate it."

"aw yeah, its big boi season."

about miro: "i'm very gay, but the thing is, men with extremely jacked traps just do something to me."

"lance changed changed the color of his extensions and i appreciate that." *thirty seconds later* "are those... three crosses? tattooed on his back? jesus doesnt like murder, i don't think he likes murderhawks, either."

"britt baker is the only dentist i want in my mouth. no, wait, don't type that one!"

"oh, fuck, shidas getting teary i'm gonna fuckin cry, oh fuck, i get it now, i'm so sorry i made fun of you, i love her."

"oh fuck, shida knee me directly in the face."

"britt scares me. like the blood drip details on her gear are really cool, but i would legit believe its real blood from her."

"are you really crying about britt and the nice announcer man hugging?"

"hey, quick question, just real quick while ive got you here... why is the emo twink... like this?"

"darby's dad looks like my dad, and i'll never be okay with that."

"i like that darby just yeets himself around like that. he came in like a wrecking ball. a tiny, tiny wrecking ball."

"sting just tossing his son around the ring like that is very good, but, sir, that's bad parenting."

"the thing about sky and page is that these are the suburb guys i beat up at the beach on summer vacation. they have big "i robbed these guys at the pier" energy."

"damn, darby just feels his emotion with his entire face, doesnt he."

"okay explain the gambling thing and WHY it's a thing."

"orange rolling into the ring is so fucking good, that man is national treasure."

after me showing her the video of younger orange cassidy shitfaced and holding a fish for no reason: "i am shocked and appalled that you're only showing me this now."

after explaining the history of the jansport: "the range of this dumbass."

"i get that kenny is good and all, but his hair really fucks me up. it's upsettingly bad and i hope he knows that."

"pac is just. so much muscle. flippy beef man. a meateor." she did specify how to spell it for the joke because it was important.

"that man is a weeb, isnt he."

"something about a man breaking a hold by putting his hands in his pockets really gets me hype."

"fuck just murder omega and be done i hate this, put it on the beef man or the juicey boy already."

"babe, ill be right back i gotta murder this callis bitch."

screaming, "THAT'S MY FAVORITE REF, YOU UGLY FUCK!"

after kenny won: "i fucking hate wrestling, this is bullshit."

"holy fuck, babe, i forgot mark henry was a wrestle boy! i know him from the olympics!"

"hey, is mark henry bigger than large paul?"

"mjf is a dumb bitch and i love him."

"hey, quick question, who thought repelling down the stadium would look cool, they're so far away."

"there's wardlow, my sweet boy. this is cool now."

she laughed for a solid two minutes at tony schiavone saying, "here comes the little guy."

"i fuckin hate hager. kill him wardlow, kill that crispy maga ass bitch."

"okay what's with the chairs." *after a brief explanation of the chairshot heard round the world* "and, like, he can't just pick a new gimmick? it's been two years, bro. move on, shes not coming back."

"okay, i admit that this is great and i love it, kill that old man on the dancefloor."

upon learning this is technically the main event: "you mean it's over after this? theyre ending the show on THIS? not the triple threat match, this?"

"i just noticed mjf's bedazzled jeans, i'm not angry anymore, this is perfect."

"no, more wardlow. gimme the beef."

"christ, sammy guevara is kinda incredible and i'm fuckin angry about it. why cant inner circle be just sammy and santana and ortiz, fuck the other two."

"no, shut up! i refuse to sing along to this! whats wrong with you?! this is a bad song!"

[crypticpatterns]

@terumimi-your-snek-fren asked me to do Morgana for an ask game but instead I wrote a 1k meta on his character because I Be That Way. Anyway here's the original ask game the asker actually asked for (wow that's a lot of "ask"s)

Sorry it took me fucking forever to post this. *gestures vaguely at brainworms*

First Impression

I initially thought Morgana was a girl. Female voice actor + the name caught me totally off guard. Honestly, I lowkey sided with Ryuji with how confusing he was in his explanations of the metaverse. I don't know anything! Come on Morgana, get it together! I thought he was kinda cute in his cat form but his metaverse form weirded me out.

Impression Now

Morgana baby boy. It was a slow burn for me, slowly getting to appreciate him more and more. I never hated Morgana, and I love him now, but he's probably my least favorite Thief. (I adore all of them though so that's tough competition.) We love the character growth. I really wish he'd gotten to become a human.

Unpopular Opinion

Morgana's character is good, actually. His arc just suffers from poor writing at times. You can check out my more detailed thoughts on his arc here.

Favorite Moment

Morgana's speech to the Thieves after defeating Yaldabaoth, 100%.

Idea For A Story

Morgana accidentally runs into Goro Akechi a few months before the start of the game. Akechi is already well into his revenge plot at this point but this stupid kitty keeps yelling at him about his super cool and secretive plan to start a troupe of Phantom Thieves who steal hearts and Goro is having absolutely none of it. Morgana is a little weirded out by all the murders but eh, it's not like he targets innocents (for the most part), and Shido kinda deserves it. The revenge plot seems kinda stupid though.

Morgana and Akechi decide to work together for their own selfish purposes but really they just secretly enjoy each other's company. They appreciate how they each hold no pretenses of liking the other and are very upfront about using each other for their own gain. They're both fucking liars.

Morgana drags Akechi into Kamoshida's Palace at some point against his will and they both end up imprisoned this time. Joker and Ryuji find this teen in a black emo outfit arguing loudly with a monster cat and have no idea what to make of this.

Akechi: Look what you got us into now, cat.

Morgana: I am NOT a CAT! Besides, you're the one who marched straight up to Kamoshida's shadow and called him various names I won't repeat!

Akechi: We wouldn't be here at all if you hadn't dragged me here! And I would've gotten away had you not let those shadows knock you down.

Morgana: You could've just left me. It's what I would have done.

Akechi: Shut the FUCK up, CAT.

Ryuji, from outside the cell: What the HELL?!

Morgana:

Akechi:

Morgana and Akechi, simultaneously: I know, right?! The absolute gall!

Ryuji: A talking MONSTER CAT?!

Anyway Akechi joins the Thieves during Kamoshida's Palace and has a slow burn redemption arc against his will, all thanks to that stupid effing cat.

Favorite Relationship

Morgana and Haru! They're so sweet and definitely don't get enough on screen interactions with each other. Mona wouldn't let anyone call him Mona-chan unless it's Haru, lol. Their showtime is adorable.

Favorite Headcanon

Morgana's human form is a 12 year old boy. I need this in my life so bad.

[dystopiandramaqueen]

"Date night" from the "Steamy night" series, is one of my favorite stories of yours. Nick's appearance at the party... when june recognizes him from his wedding band being similar to hers is such a beautiful scene. And then at the balcony... June's power over his manhood, their beautiful connection...

How do you create such genuine love scenes in your stories? The books you read? Your personal life experiences?

(I haven't seen such beautiful romance in any hollywood movie. Only in my brain when I read your stories)

Thank you anon! I love that story.

I've always made up stories. I used to make up characters, plays, complex back stories for pets and neighbors. At bathtime, the toys would have a trial, declare batman guilty (he was innocent), sentence him to be executed by slow lowering into lava (the bath) while his beloved (Barbie) watched from the crowd.

Always been a romantic. Always been emo.

Even as an adult, on personality tests for work, I'm off the charts in neuroticism, imagination, detail and narrative meaning. Which sucks in real life- I have huge feelings, a very firm idea of how things SHOULD be, and I can't shut up.

So the short answer is, it's just how my brain works. Too many ideas. If you ever need ideas? I'm your guy. It is my superpower.

It was a wonderful relief to find fic culture, to find a place to funnel all of that energy. A03 is this little garden of situations and scenarios I have pruned and nourished, and now they're like plants that reliably bear fruit. When I read them, they produce hope and humor. So when I get lost or stuck, I can remind myself of the bigger picture. That life doesn't suck, I'm just resolving an obstacle so I can have my happy ending. It gives me agency, when I spent so many years feeling powerless and hopeless.

So when I see my characters- which are extenstions of how I see myself- right- like how Batman was the part of me acused of being "bad" and Barbie knew I was really a good person and didn't deserve to suffer-

That's how it is with fic. We play out justice and healing and it feels good. I feel an intense pressure to "get it right". "Set the story straight." That discomfort is where the fic comes from.

Like the girl in the Ring- scribbling the image of the light over and over and over. Knowing there's something more outside of the well. That's me and all tumblurinas making fic and podcasts and gifs and moodboards and metas and discussions and discords. We need to play with Nick and June, and they need happily ever after.

And yes, the details are (mostly) real. The most real is undisclosed desires, and the high school AU is gonna be straight documentary. I think ppl are gonna like that one.

It's this cool virtual space- like a diary- but one that's fun to read, instead of being whiny I can make JUNE whiny, and have her make better decisions than I did.

Thanks again. It makes me really happy that you like my writing. Thanks for telling me. :)

Hope you have an amazing day.

As with life, the best is yet to come.

[goji-pilled]

Okay @princekirijo you want an essay? Well here it is now, or as I like to call it Felix's "Asumari is great and this fandom has no fucking taste" rambling and infodump. Congrats fellas, thanks to Prince you ALL get an asumari essay. But before that I'll try to give you a rundown of Mari and Asuka. 

(I'm also so sorry for putting this long ass post on everyone's dashboard)

(Spoiler warning for Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time!!)

Alright on one hand we have Mari Illustrious Makinami. Her whole deal? She's a walking ray of sunshine, literally lol. Unlike any other character in the Evangelion franchise she doesn't suffer from her trauma, she's quite literally the only healthy and functioning human being, she's just slightly leaning towards "batshit crazy" with the stunts she pulls 🤷‍♂️. Other than that she just loves living, she loves being with people, she keeps moving forward, stays positive and decides to live life to it's fullest even after she experiences loss and multiple apocalyptic events (Second Impact, Third Impact, etc.) and she really just embodies the joy of living. That's all there is to her, or at least all we know.

On the other hand, we have Asuka Langley Shikinami who is... well it's hard to explain what she is to be honest. She's part-German and part-Japanese and part of a line of clones specifically made with the purpose to pilot an Evangelion and later on be used as a sacrifice to trigger another Impact (ITS COMPLICATED I KNOW-) Asuka is, unlike Mari, very much suffering from her trauma. She doesn't have her parents and has a very deep seated belief that she's completely alone, which she says doesn't matter as long as she can pilot the Eva. She also very much wants to fight and kill angels all by herself, and it's seriously messing with her when she can't achieve that.

Now we get to the more interesting parts (hopefully this so far wasn't too confusing, then again it's Eva and even I can't fully wrap my head around it all LMAO)

In the second Rebuild movie (Evangelion 2.0 You can (not) advance) we get introduced to both of them, Mari's introduction scene (in the original English dub) has her pilot an Eva and singing about how she'll take the world on by herself, while in the third movie's (Evangelion 3.0 You can (not) redo) opening scene she's piloting the Eva again but this time it's together with Asuka (in her own Unit 02 though) and during that Mari sings about how wonderful it is not to be alone. It's nothing big yet, but it's a really cute detail me thinks,,, you know what else I love about them? They bicker and they banter and it's genuinely so fun to listen to shskdhsuwj

(For a quick catch up: During the end of 2.0 Shinji (the protagonist) triggers another apocalyptic event, the Near Third Impact, and was only stopped due to Kaworu (the guy in my pfp) stepping in. Also between 1.0/2.0 and 3.0/3.0+1.0 are about 14 years (without Shinji bc he's like comatose) where A LOT happens AND we learn in 3.0 that Eva pilots don't age physically bc of "The curse of the Eva"... honestly Eva is wild lmao)

Okay okay I'll get back to it!

So one thing that happens is that Asuka during 2.0 develops a crush on Shinji (girl why-), unfortunately things take a turn for the worse. Asuka had volunteered to be the testpilot for a new Eva (Unit 03), she seemed happy at the time and it was a really sweet build up with the "I can smile, I didn't know I could still do that."-line. And then? Then it turns out the Ninth Angel had infected Unit 03 (Angels are basically the Kaijus they fight using Evas btw). The thing goes on a loose and Shinji is forced to fight it (With Asuka inside mind you), he refuses and his father uses an autopilot to destroy Unit 03. And boy did it destroy the angel, well it and it crushed Asuka between its jaws (you can actually hear her scream btw haha pain :)).

Asuka survived though, but the whole incident cost her her humanity and she ended up becoming an angel herself/she took the place of the Ninth. But despite that, there's one person who keeps believing in Asuka's humanity, who fiercely believes Asuka is still a human and tells her as much.

Yep, that one person is Mari and she keeps holding onto that belief until the very end when Asuka uses her last resort, which is using the power of an angel (Doing so was a guaranteed death sentence btw). Mari's own words (in the German dub) were, "Princess, you're giving up being human…" AND IT MAKES ME SO EMO GOD FUCK

While I'm at it, Mari and Asuka are a fucking killer combo as a team. They rely on each other for support in combat, listen to the other's orders and advice. Especially in Asuka's case it's kind of a big deal that she so openly relies and counts on Mari's support. Like these two trust each other with their damn lifes!!! Holy shit!!

Guess what though, they also have nicknames for eachother. Mari always calls Asuka "Princess" or "(Your) Highness" while Asuka calles Mari "Four-eyes" / "Four-eyed chrony (idk how you spell that tbh RIP" Even better though, in the German dub Asuka calls Mari "Brillerella" as in a combination of "Brille" (German for glasses) and "Cinderella",,,,Cinderella and her Prince,,,Brillerella and her Princess,,, man, that was a gay fucking move of the translation team. Spoiler: I owe them my life.

Funfact: There's exactly two times throughout the Rebuild movies where Mari uses Asuka's actual name. These two times being when she watches Asuka "die" and be used as a sacrifice for Gendo's selfish plan and when later on she begs Shinji, "So please the Princess… Asuka needs your help!" And the best part? That wasn't even the first time she did that. The mentioned line came from 3.0+1.0, but she did that too in 3.0 with the, "At least save the Princess!" line (although her tone was much more...pissed, like she was really angry lol)

Remember the crush Asuka had on Shinji? Well due to the Unit 03 incident a whole lot of other shit got mixed into that and her feelings for him in general became really bitter (understandably so). Now Mari being who she is sometimes teases Asuka about said old crush but she really does want Asuka to get closure and sort that mess out. 

As an example for the teasing, in 3.0 there's a scene that goes like this (please imagine Mari with a literal :3 face while saying that):

"Unit! Are you back in the game?"

"I'm on it, your Highness. But first things first, how was our little puppy (Shinji)? Did he sit like a good little boy?"

"He's exactly the same! Same stupid face talking mayhem!"

"That goofy face of his, that's what you wanted to see? Riiiiight?"

"Shut up! I went there to bat him one!... And I feel better!"

There's also a very short bonus manga that was released in Japan for Thrice Upon a Time's release that has Mari trying to convince Asuka to come with her on the mission to get Shinji, given everything that follows, it's just another thing to prove my point. And the final bit relating to that is this:

"Feeling better now?"

"Yeah, I do feel better."

That's the exchange Asuka and Mari have after they talked to Shinji, it's nothing special but I think it's really sweet and this time Asuka actually sounded like she was feeling better instead of when she was screaming after she nearly broke pretty thick glass with her fist (If she had hit someone with that much force she definitely would've broken something omggg #violentimpulsesgang)

To get back on track though: I already mentioned it but during the second half of 3.0+1.0 Asuka "dies" (and honestly that entire scene is worth its own in-depth post because its just one huge parallel to The End of Evangelion), the point is: You can tell that the loss of Asuka honestly hits Mari hard. Not only because of how Mari screams Asuka's name but also because of her expressions. They're pained, like really fucking pained and Mari even apologizes to her that she has to fall back due to the fact that she's injured AND because eveything is going wrong.

After the events of Evangelion 3.0 these two got seperated from eachother, Mari was with WILLE (the organization both of them are with) and on board of Wunder (the ship WILLE basically operates from) while Asuka was in a Village full of (Near) Third Impact Survivors. When they do meet again it went like this:

Asuka, barely back, comes to the door and calls, "I'm back." And within seconds of Asuka stepping into their room after the door opens Mari already runs towards her, arms wide open and she says, "Welcome back, your Highness! Good job. I missed you so much!" And she says that while she literally nuzzles into Asuka,,,like,,,what the fuck gay people real!!! 

Best part? Asuka clearly has enough strength to push Mari completely away if she were uncomfortable, but she doesn't. Asuka merely wanted enough space to look at the room (because Mari managed to horde even more books lol) and play her game. During their entire renunion Mari keeps hugging her, and part of me thinks that perhaps deep down Asuka actually enjoys the feeling of physical affection.

Before we get to the last point though, let me say that Asuka and Mari have scenes in 3.0+1.0 that parallel Shinji and Kaworu's from 3.0. (Fyi Kaworu loves Shinji (yeah, like that, and 3.0 was basically them being gay as fuck for an hour) so like...do I even need to explain? 

And then of course there's also this, the "Take care of yourself, Princess…" line. That is the last time Mari talks to Asuka and as much as that line alone already is so much, it's Mari's expression in particular that kills me. Because this? This soft, almost bittersweet expression she has, as she basically says goodbye? Because she knows Asuka will finally be happy and safe? It just makes me feel so much actually. Man.

In the end it's a fact that Mari loved Asuka, wether that is interpreted as platonic or romantic by someone is up to them. But it is a fact that Asuka was loved enough that someone wanted to hug her, was happy to see her, to praise her, was hurt by her loss, wanted her to be safe, that someone told her "Take care of yourself…" Asuka was really and honestly so loved that someone would tell her, "I missed you."

But Asuka? Asuka was too hurt, too wrapped up in her own head to actually see how loved she was by Mari (and other people) that she genuinely believed she's completely alone and always will be alone.

It makes the "Take care of yourself" line hit even harder to me, because it's not only Mari's goodbye, but it's a goodbye during the one time Asuka allowed herself to be vulnerable and admit what she really wanted.

And honestly? All of this? Its makes me feel so many things and I just love them  so much man.