#i love speaking korean like it was so scary at first but now it makes me so happy everytime i get to

[locallixie]

it’s a sign! — jongho

> summary . an unexpected romance was still able to blossom despite the silence between you and him.

> genre . fluff, high-school au, mutual pining, deaf!reader, reader and wooyoung are siblings, gn!reader.

> warnings . none

(wc) > 3.6k

(sunny’s note) ☆ description of hand movements (signing) will be in korean sign language (ksl), i’ll try my best to be as general yet accurate as possible to not offend anyone. i felt exhausted these last few weeks, so i apologize for slow uploads.

Quiet, it has always been so quiet. Never heard the sounds of calm waves, or the voice of your loved ones. You didn't even know how your name was pronounced. However, you liked how quiet it was. Your ears naturally already tuned out everything, easier to sleep peacefully that way, easier to focus since there wasn't any loud sounds bothering you. It was a blessing in a curse, being deaf for you.

Your family predominantly used sign language to communicate, but speaking was still a big part between your parents and your older brother, they didn't want you to feel left out. Cochlear implants were put in consideration before, however, they were quite expensive and your parents were unsure if you were ready for it yet. So for now, you would stick with the pre-existing silence.

Of course, going to school was a struggle when you have a disability. You couldn't rely much on your peers, the pacing of each subject was different but all were equally difficult to keep up when you weren't able to listen in with the lecture. It was scary going into middle school as a deaf kid, yet, it was another kind of terror to go into high school.

"You okay?" Wooyoung asked verbally while signing at the same time. Though this was your third year already, the sound of your heart felt like it was the first day of school. Riddled with anxiety, you hesitated to leave your brother. But you nodded nonetheless, half not wanting to further bother him, half just wanting to get everything over with.

"Text me if you need anything." Your brother signed to you before bidding goodbye. There was a new homeroom teacher this year, and some of your classmates from last year were also changed around. Which meant you were back in the position of having to familiarize yourself with everyone, and having to inform people that you were deaf all over again.

Your friend changed homeroom this year, you wouldn't be able to see him too often then. You barely know anyone here, either because some of them were newcomers or you just haven't met them before. The new people looked oddly intimidating, maybe it was the anxiety talking? But there was something about them that made them seem unwelcoming.

Laying on your desk, tired from the night before since you didn't get a good night sleep. Too anxious to go to school, worried that you might overslept, or ruin your uniforms. All the worst case scenarios kept popping into your head, not letting you rest until you worn yourself out and fall asleep.

A subtle vibration sent across the surface of your desk, gently notifying you of something, a presence. You weren't expecting anyone to approach you, since everybody were occupied with their own businesses, you minded your own too. You saw his lips moving, but you could not make out anything he was saying. Terrible at reading lips, and the other person wasn't aware that you were deaf.

He was confused as well by how you were not responding, if you were intentionally ignoring him while maintaining eye-contact. You placed a single notebook on your desk, 'communicating book'—it said on the cover, written in black marker ink. This one was your fifth or seventh one, you have lost count after going through several during middle school up until recently.

'Hi, my name is Jung [Y/N], and I'm deaf so I apologize in advance if I don't response to you immediately. We can talk through this notebook!'—Holding up the notebook to him, the first page was written beforehand. You slid a pen over to him, implying that it was his turn to 'speak'. That was how most of your conversation usually begin, on very rare occasions, you might be lucky enough to meet someone who could speak sign language. But for the majority, you spoke through the pages in your notebook.

The other wrote down something on the next blank page, he then showed it to you, 'Sorry, I didn't know. I'm Choi Jongho by the way, I don't think we have met before.'

Jongho was a new student, he spent the last couple minutes at the assembly to meet the other classmates, he must have missed you back there. Though you did leave with Wooyoung right after the opening ceremony this morning, so you two wouldn't meet either way. You couldn't understand what they were saying, why would you stay there any longer?

You two seem to clicked well, he even invited you to join him for lunch already. It was a bother having to write out everything you wanted to say to him, there were just way too many topics you wanted to share. Yet, he sat there, writing down every single sentence, every thought he had on his mind to keep the conversation going until the bell would eventually break you apart.

"Mom made you lunch, be sure to eat it. Do you want to sit with me and my friends?" Wooyoung spoke along with his hands. Your brother could be quite protective at times, it made sense since you were a deaf kid running around school without one warning sign. If something were to happen to you, he might blow up.

You replied, "No need, I'm sitting with a friend." Taking out the lunch box from your bag, wrapped up delicately in a light blue plaid cloth. You could already smell the pleasant aroma of the grilled chicken your mother prepared.

"You made a friend? That's good. I'll see you later!" He pat you on the shoulder, before leaving your classroom. Jongho was sat at a table, waiting for you by the time you got down to the cafeteria. You spotted him easily by the warm brownish colour of his hair—which stood out from a majority of natural black. You sat down across from him, placing your items on the table. The lunch today didn't look all too bad. Normally you would eat the lunch provided at school, but home-cooked lunch box was a thing your mother did every first day of school, a good luck ritual of some sort.

'You brought your own lunch, what are you eating?' The words displayed on Jongho's phone screen. You shrugged, not knowing for sure. You smelt chicken, and eggs, and stir fried vegetables, that was all you could guess.

Gosh, she went all out with the presentation, you felt bad eating it now that the bear head was made out of brown rice. The vegetables were cut out like stars and hearts, decorative picks were included on top of fruits. You appreciated the effort, but a bit of embarrassment stuck in your stomach. Would the other kids make fun of you for still having your mother make you adorable lunch boxes? You wouldn't know, but you wouldn't enjoy the teasing nonetheless.

Jongho smiled, he even giggled at the sight of your lunch box. "Don't laugh!" Signing towards him, a bashful expression stood on your face.

'It's just so cute~!' He typed out on his phone, chuckling at your pouty face at his comment. At least he didn't make fun of your lunch, its childish appearance simply asking for talks. You got out your utensils that was wrapped with napkins, finally began to ease your empty stomach.

Mid-conversation, Wooyoung came by to disrupt your peace. His intentions were clearer than day, you knew him far too well to be suspicious. He came to check out your new friend, having to meet his approval to continued hanging out with you. As a compromise, he bought you the soda you liked. Though, Wooyoung could freely be as skeptical and disapproving of Jongho all he wanted. Because you, yourself, felt Jongho was genuine.

You let out a dragging sigh, 'Don't mind my brother, he acts up every time I befriend someone new.'—Explaining to the other person after you were sure your brother was a far enough distance from the table you two were sitting.

'You two seems close.'—To which you just nodded and returned to eating. Wether or not these were intrusive thoughts, unwilling to admit the fact that he found you cute when you are frustrated. All pouty and grumpy, your cheeks protruding as they were stuffed with meat, rice, and vegetables. An angry chipmunk was the only suitable comparison.

Though you established many good relationships with your peers, you mostly spent your time hanging out with Jongho. After Jongho's multiple requests of being seated next to you, your homeroom teacher finally agreed to arrange you two together. Would it be better anyways? He could assist you with academic matters when he is closer to you, win-win situation!

‘You’re learning fast!’ You excitedly complimented. Recently, he has been picking up sign language to less burden you with always having to write as your only source of communication. You were glad to help him since he was learning on his own. Again, you slowly signed each character of his name with your hand, getting him familiar with the alphabet.

“Like this?” He asked as he started moving his fingers to sign.

‘Did you just sign my name?’ Jongho only smiled after reading your text, admiring the stunned look on your face. He knew more than you had originally thought, at this pace, he would be fluent in no time!

Feeling a strong vibration ran through your forearm, his phone lit up in a split moment. It was Wednesday afternoon, which meant you had clubs to attend. Jongho held his fist under his mouth as if he was holding a microphone, he was off to practice his singing for the upcoming school festival that his band will be playing at. Before he went, he turned around to look at you one last time as good luck. You just gave him a gentle smile, while moving your opened hand in a circular motion above your fist.

You were contented with the never-ending silence you had been born into, even so, there were definitely times you wished you could hear. After you met Jongho, you have never stressed over your disability more than you were now. Every-time you passed by one of his rehearsals, seeing all the girls and guys cheering him on with so much amazement in their eyes, you couldn't help yourself from feeling left out from the crowd. You have never heard your best friend's voice, and you desperately wanted to.

"[Y/N]!" He couldn't hide his excitement when he spotted you at your desk, calling out your name as he began running towards you. Taken back by how your immediately turned your head to him, like you heard every syllable that he had just now produced.

Jongho leaned on your desk, "Did you hear what I said?" Actually, not quite. Sounds were all over the place, you have never heard your name be spoken up until recently. You took a good week to recover for your cochlear implants, during it, you had gotten a little more used with your family members' voices and the way words were pronounced. However, you would need a lot more time to learn how to talk, and learn to live with all the noises of life.

You have never knew how loud life could become, like how the sound of rain was strangely calming, but the summer of cicadas were annoying. The most pleasant sound to your ears was Jongho's voice, soft and mellow, and full of fondness. That was one of your many exceptions.

"I'm not used to this quite yet." You continued to speak with your hands. You wanted to take your hearing devices off but your mother insisted you keep it on during school, she didn't realize how much that overwhelmed you with all the new noises everyday.

Jongho brought his hand out towards you, opened and asking you for something. A bit stuck, hesitating in seconds before you took off both of your hearing devices and placed them on his palm. Instantly, every and all sounds cut off, washed out and silenced.

Solely his gentle aura remained, smiling at you with the same look as the first time you met. Though you were able to hear now, there was just this special type of noiselessness around Jongho, a comfortable silence where you didn't have to speak to keep things moving. You liked that, you liked that quiet atmosphere when you were with him. Not entirely quiet, your heart kept beating violently, making your whole chest vibrated in an inexplicable excitement. It was calling out his name, and you couldn't even talk.

You were fine with being deaf, but you adored his voice way too much to remain living like that. You would happily trade any and all other noises to only hear his in your ears. As it echoed in the depth of your heart, you wanted to push yourself more with your hearing devices just to listen to him talk and sing to you.

"Better?" He asked in signs.

"So so." Replying, fiddling with the two devices in your hands. There were so much you wanted to say to him, but you couldn't quite express them neither verbally or through signing, they were all too complicated to be accurately translated.

The day of the school festival finally came, and you were most looking forward to Jongho's performance with his band. You came with your brother at first, but then he dipped to go with his friends—which left you wandering alone around school grounds. There were many vendors in the courtyard, selling handmade goods and delicious food items—most of them were operated by clubs, and some were from sponsors that the school invited.

Seeing some of your seniors selling sandwiches, you decided to came by as support. Yeosang was one of your brother's friends who was on the working shift that hour, he immediately greeted you upon seeing your arrival at his food stand. "[Y/N], how are you?"

"I'm good. What kind of sandwich is this?" Yeosang understood sign language quite well, you didn't know how he did, but he did. He was the some of only seniors that you were friends with—though many knew you due to your connections with Wooyoung.

"Just a grilled ham sandwich with cheese and strawberry jam, do you want one? I'll make you a new one." Yeosang put on a pair of disposable plastic gloves. What an odd combo, but it could be one of those rare gems for all you know.

As you were digging into your wallet for money, Yeosang stopped you. "It's okay, it's my treat. Just don't tell anyone." Though you tried paying, Yeosang kept refusing to take any money from you.

Despite the weird mix of ingredients, it was surprisingly tasty. You might ask Yeosang for the recipe to make some at home, or some for Jongho since you couldn't leave him out from experiencing good food. And speaking about Jongho, you haven't seen him at all. You figured that he was caught up with practicing and final rehearsals since his band was the only other performers besides from the indie singer that was invited for a gig.

A song suddenly erupted from your pocket, pulling your phone out as you saw Wooyoung's name above his number, he was asking to face-time you. You placed the phone on a bench before answering, since you couldn't quite speak well and would definitely have to rely on your hands to communicate.

"[Y/N]! Where are you? I'm with Jongho if you want to talk to him!" Wooyoung's face was very close to the camera, almost shoving his nose to screen.

Hearing noises from phones like calls was still a difficulty, and sometimes those darn glitches occurred and messed up everything. You had to tell him to move the camera farther away because you couldn't quite listen in with his voice blasting in the mic, and he all-together looked stupid. "I'm sitting in the courtyard, you left me, asshole!"

"Sorry, sorry, but Seonghwa came to visit so I had to see him." Wooyoung pouted, signing an apology through the screen.

"I want to see Jongho, put him on." You told.

The camera shook violently as your brother ran to Jongho, putting the phone in front of the boy for you to see. There he was, sitting with his lyrics in hand and warming up his vocals. His chestnut hair was styled nicely, he was dressed equally more stylish than he usually was, was that really your best friend? "Jongho, say 'hi' to [Y/N]!"

"[Y/N], I'm glad you came! Are you going to see my performance later?" Enthusiasm obvious through the glints in his sweet doe eyes, under that bad boy exterior which he had on today, your Jongho still shone through.

"I'll be cheering you on in the crowd!" You assured him of your presence during his stage performance soon later. "Good luck!" Before ending the call, you moved your hand in a circular motion above your fist as something extra that you wanted to tell him. Then the call ended, as they could only see your contact flashed on the screen for a split second and fading away afterward.

Jongho turned to his senior, "What did [Y/N] sign at the end? I haven't learn that one."

Wooyoung let out a giggle, patting the younger's shoulders before dropping a bomb. "They said they love you." He gathered with his friends, "Anyways, good luck on your performance, I'll see you!"

Oh...Oh! Jongho was shaking, in a good way. The pressure wasn't about pleasing the crowd, it was about impressing you now—which was so much harder, he really wanted you to have the best of everything. Each step he took leading to the stage, you were the only thing on his mind. This performance have to be perfect, because the one he love was going to be there cheering for him. Though he couldn't spot you between the sea of people, and he was running out of time to do so. Yet, he knew you were there, somewhere. Wherever you were, please know that he felt the same.

"Everyone, let's show some support for our performers!" The crowd began sending applauses throughout the gymnasium, band members pouring out onto the grand stage with their instruments. Taking a few short minutes to get plugged in and in tuned, sound checking the microphone and amps on stage. For the first time in your life, you got to experience your first concert.

It was an original song, God, the lyrics was so him. Jongho did have quite a stage presence there, and oh did his voice sounded amazing. You hated to admit, that hearing him sing was worth all the waiting you did before you got your implants. The sound made your heart vibrated, and everything as well. Speaking metaphorically, it was love, tugging on your heartstrings as some might put it.

After the performance ended, the stage entertainment was on hold for the next ten to twenty minutes to get the other set ready. You used that free time to go find Jongho. When you found him backstage, he was already helping his other bandmates with packing their instruments and bringing amps and cables back to the music room. Not wanting to distract him since those things were heavy, you waited outside for him to finish up with post-performance stuff.

The bassist, a senior that you only have seen in school and have yet to talk to, she spotted you outside. "Are you waiting for Jongho?"

You nodded simply, a bit shy to communicate with new people today. Even though you two have never spoke to each other before, she knew that you were Jongho's friends, because of how often he brought you up in conversation during practices and rehearsal. About how he desperately wanted you to hear his songs, how he wanted to know what your voice sounded like and if you would be a good singer, and how in love he was with you.

"Jongho, hurry up, your lover is waiting for you outside!" No warning, none at all, she yelled out. Filled to the brim with embarrassment, praying that he didn't hear the last part, or wishing that your device was malfunctioning back then so you wouldn't be caught in this situation.

After a few minutes, your heart pacing in your chest, trying your best to remain calm and not lose your mind. Finally, Jongho walked out. You were on the floor, contemplating wether or not you should take off your hearing device after what happened earlier. How could someone caught you lacking like that?

"Hey, sorry for making you wait." Jongho spoke up, scaring you with the sudden emerge of sound after it was quiet for a long while.

"No! Not at all! Should we go check out the vendors together?" You awkwardly asked.

He looked a bit on edge, as if there was something he was concealing away. The smoothies didn't help out with easing him much, and you were unsure of how to bring it up to him. Did the performance not go as planned or something? The silence between the two of you was never uncomfortable like it was now.

"So...um...I love you too." He spilt out. Quietly, lacing his fingers with yours as both your hands hugged each other.

You wanted to sign in reply, but he wouldn't let go so you had to sign with an extra weight. "Who told you?!"

His pointer finger slightly curving against his middle finger which stood up straight, the others curled in. "Wooyoung?! How could he?!"

Jongho technically saved your brother from getting killed, pulling you into his embrace before you could burst and go beat up Wooyoung. He felt nice, like a cuddling bear—at least if you could ignore the studded leather jacket he was wearing. You were hinting him all this time, confessing all of your feelings through sign language. Was it obvious? Definitely. Did he know that it was a sign that you liked him romantically? Eh.

"I love you." He signed back to you.

[ihavenothingtodo10220]

ꨄFirst and Lastꨄ

⁺˚*･༓☾ [ Jeon Jungkook x Gn!Reader fanfic ]

╰┈➤ ❝ [ The first and last times you ever saw Jeon Jungkook, the person you knew since you were thirteen, the person who loved you until he won his heart when you were seventeen. The person you cruelly broke up with when you were twenty-two. The person who never stopped loving you, no matter how much it hurt, and the person you could still never forget. ] ❞

╰┈➤ ❝ [ Note: All ages in this fic are based on Korean Age. ] ❞

⁺˚*･༓☾ [ Word Count: 1080 ]

⁺˚*･༓☾ [ Contains: Childhood Romance, First Love, Breakups via text, ghosting, slight age gap (Two years) older Y/N ]

⁺˚*･༓☾ [ Most things other than the meetings themselves are very vague, as the focus are their first and last meetings. I MAY make a follow up tackling more of the relationship. Maybe. ]

The first and last times you ever saw Jungkook were similar, so much so you could argue they were essentially the exact same. And yet...They were so, so different.

The two of you met when you got off of that plane, stepping foot into Korea for the first time in your life at only thirteen years old, because your parents decided to ship you off there to be away and live with their old friends. You were scared, and you were alone. The only solace you had was you knew the language, as your mother was born in Korea herself, but you knew nothing else about your mother's home country.

You took one shaky breath in, and another breath out, wandering through the airport in search of where you were supposed to go. You were traveling alone, which was...Scarily unsafe, actually, but your parents had never exactly been...Responsible ones.

You wandered around for a while, until your eyes finally caught sight of a sign, reading 'Welcome to Korea, Y/N!' in Korean. You liked to believe you were the only Y/N entering Korea that day, but you couldn't exactly be sure. You didn't know what the family you'd be staying with while you're in Korea until...Further notice would look like.

You stood there for a few seconds, internally debating on whether or not to go over, before they seemed to notice you and the two parents immediately started grinning, approaching you where you stood.

"Are you Y/N by any chance? Y/N L/N? Eun-Hee's daughter?" Asked the mother, to which you nodded. You gazed at her, fidgeting with your sleeve and shifting your weight from foot to foot.

"Yes, I'm Y/N...Its nice to meet you Ajumma." You greeted her with a shaky voice. You knew your Korean was good, as you were speaking it since birth alongside English, but even if it was...Tied for your first language, you still sometimes forgot things, or didn't pronounce certain words properly. And that was scary to think about to you, as you didn't want to accidentally mess up your first impression.

"You look so much like your mother when she was your age." Smiled the woman, and her husband gave you a smile that mirrored hers. They both seemed kind and so warm, in a way that made you feel slightly at ease though not nearly as much as you'd like to be.

"This is our youngest son, Jungkook. Our eldest is in classes right now." Smiled the man, gesturing to a boy around your age, maybe a little younger, who was standing behind him and looking at you like you were an alien who just descended from a space ship, but he also had this awe-struck expression. "He's about two years younger than you. Our eldest is your age."

You gazed at Jungkook, who just gazed back at you, before giving a tiny wave and a small, shy smile.

"Hello..." Said Jungkook quietly, gazing at you with big, doe-like eyes.

You looked at him for a few more seconds, before giving him a  wide grin. He was...Absolutely adorable.

"Hi."

The last time the two of you met, was under different circumstances. The two of you had been close ever since you arrived—Attached at the hip even. At some point early on, that closeness developed into a childish bout of one-sided puppy love. And then that puppy love morphed into Jungkook at the ripe age of twelve deciding that he wanted to marry you when you were both older, and voicing that opinion to you. You thought it was cute.

And then, at some point, that morphed into you starting to catch feelings as well when he was around fifteen, and subsequently dating. Your relationship...It was strong, until it wasn't. Until he was too busy to spare you any time or even a text, and you were too fed up to put up with it anymore, and you broke up with him over text.

You broke up with him when he was twenty, and you were twenty-two, five years after you started dating in the first place. It was...An insensitive breakup, you supposed. A breakup that was effectively you texting him "I'm breaking up with you" and then not quite blocking him, but muting all notifications from him and deleting all messages. Essentially cutting him out of your life for good.

You moved back to your home country shortly after, where you stayed for many more years, until you came back to Korea for a friend's wedding many years later.

You stepped foot into Korea for the second time in your life, and the first since your breakup with Jungkook. You looked around, heading through the airport to where the bridal party would be waiting. You didn't know who else would be there, only that the couple was coming to pick you up.

Eventually you caught sight of the bride within a large group of people, all of which you recognized from highschool and the years following it. You grinned, approaching them.

"Y/N!" Gasped the bride, spotting you first and pulling you into a bear hug.

"Hi unnie." You laughed, squeezing her tight. "How've you been?"

"I couldn't be better." Grinned the bride, pulling you at arms length to inspect you. "You've gotten thinner, haven't you?"

"I'm the same weight I've always been, don't worry." You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes.

"Dont give me that sass." She said, but her tone was still so playful.

That's about when your eyes locked onto another pair from behind her. Jungkook. A man you hadn't seen since you were twenty-two, eight years ago. He was entirely avoidable in America, luckily, and you'd only had to hear his music in passing a few times in ads, but other than that he's dropped from your radar. Until right now.

Jungkook looked at you as if you were an alien who'd descended right before his eyes. Yet this time...There was no awe in those wide eyes, just hurt, as a strained grin spread across his lips.

"Hello..." Said Jungkook quietly, gazing at you with big, doe-like eyes.

You looked at him for a few more seconds, before giving him an equally strained grin. It hurt seeing him again. Even if you were the one who ended it...You never quite lost those feelings you had.

"Hi."

[hwashotcheeto]

Announcement!

Today I want to introduce you all to my male ninth member of ATEEZ character!

His name is...

Moon Kija!

Honestly, I'm so attached to him, he's like my baby. 😭 He started off as a self insert (and still kind of is) and then grew into more of his own character. I hope you all love him as much as I do. 💜

My lovely angel @malldreamprincess helped me massively with his creation and with the making of this post, so thank you, my love. 💜

So lemme tell you about him. I'll start with a list of some basic stuff (like how K-Profiles has theirs set up):

Stage Name: Kija

Birth Name: Moon Kija

Position: Visual, vocalist

Birthday: December 3rd, 2000

Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

Height: 5'5 (165 cm)

Weight: N/A

Blood Type: N/A

MBTI: ISFJ-T

Kija was born in the US, but moved to Korea when he was little. His mom is Korean and his dad is Chinese. He was raised learning both Korean and English, but since he moved back to Korea, his English deteriorated a little.

He went to school with Jongho, and they auditioned at KQ together (Kija didn't really want to go at first, but he wanted to go with Jongho). Kija auditioned as a vocalist and was signed on as a vocalist.

Kija is shy and reserved, but very emotional and impulsive. He thinks with his emotions before he thinks with his brain, which he admits has gotten him into trouble before. But he also thinks the availability of his emotions helps him comfort his members better.

He has a couple different hobbies, like playing video games and calligraphy.

When he's shown his room in lives, he's displayed his bed that's stacked up with many different plushies. Kija says he sleeps with all of them every night.

Kija has also said that one of his favorite things to do is go live to spend time with ATINY. Furthermore, he loves participating in fan meets and performing on stage.

Now his relationships with the other members:

Kija is babied as much as Jongho, as all the members love them both. He's the closest with Jongho and treats him like a brother, since they went to school for so many years and auditioned together.

Seonghwa babied Kija the most, keeping him close in most situations. ATINYs teased Kija a lot for how much Seonghwa loves him and how flustered Kija gets over the attention. Kija calls him "Eomma" in retaliation, and Hongjoong "Appa" by extention.

Kija and Hongjoong have a slight parental bond, where both he and Wooyoung will cling onto Hongjoong and either love him or annoy him. Hongjoong has said its both a blessing and a curse.

Speaking of Wooyoung, Kija is also close with him, who will often fight Seonghwa for. The other members have admitted multiple times that Seonghwa and Wooyoung often playfully argue over who gets to spend time with Kija. When Wooyoung wins, the two of them wreck havoc on the other members.

He sees Mingi as an older brother figure, since Mingi took care of Jongho and Kija a lot when they were younger. ATINYs have noticed that in stressful or scary situations, Kija will always reach out for Mingi first (even if Mingi is screaming like a banshee).

When he's with Yunho, he's not as shy and reserved as he usually is. Yunho helps him get out of his comfort zone in a safe way. Kija has mentioned before how Yunho helped him explore some new things and make him more comfortable overall.

The members have said that Kija and Yeosang hanging out is one of the quietest times from the two of them. They're comfortable with each other, just talking or cuddling, being quiet and soft.

Kija has said that he goes to find San if he needs physical comfort. He says that San gives the best hugs and cuddles out of all the members, and how he treats him like he's a big teddy bear plushie.

For Kija's appearance, I feel kinda icky posting pictures of a real person and using them as the face of a character, so I won't be doing that.

But I imagined Kija with a small frame, but he's got enough muscle to protect himself and match up to his members.

He usually has short hair that's just long enough to go past his eyes. He has big shiny eyes (like Seonghwa heh) and small lips.

(I feel like I'm describing Hiro from Big Hero 6 but more introverted and shy)

I hope you all love Kija as much as I do. 💜 For the future, I'm still thinking of what I'll do with him in terms of fics. Right now, I don't have a series planned, nor do I have any fics, but I'm waiting to see if any ideas pop up.

And if there's any questions, don't be afraid to ask! 💜

So there's Kija! 💜

[humanuser0613]

Damn. I've really been considering this and saw this article posted. It seemed like the sign I needed to post my thoughts.

The "will they or won't they" isn't the point of this post.

They don't have to. They shouldn't have to.

Fans who claim to want to hear it from their idol directly are very much DEMANDING a response that they are NOT PRIVY TO. YOU, AS A FAN, ARE NOT OWED AN ANSWER.

And it seems most people say they'll only listen to Tae as a means of denying the very obvious pictures that have been unleashed upon us.

Speaking of those pictures, yes, it's them. Yes they're dating. (And, again, no, we don't need confirmation.)

That means that gurumi (who wasn't found yet as I previously posted) was telling the truth. And it means various scary and sundry other issues related to the invasion of the idols' privacy. I don't even want to hear from the "they signed up for this" crowd. 😡

What point am I getting at?

1) They've deliberately chosen not to publicly confirm their relationship. That doesn't mean they aren't dating. It means they want privacy.

2) The person who tried to sabotage them last year, and is STILL running around free, may attempt to do so again. We have no idea what their ultimate aim was in the first place.

3) The people demanding an answer from Tae or Jennie are actually leaving them open to this kind of blackmail.

Most *normal* people use their eyes and ears and brains to understand the context of the things around them. To make sense of it all. When the pics dropped and were VERY CLEARLY those two, the demand was for them to publicly confirm the relationship and to stop "playing with fans' hearts" 🙄 or some other bullshit.

Fans had two good choices at that point and one bad choice: 1) accept 👍, 2) ignore 👍, and 3) deny 👎.

1) those who accept just want their idols to be happy, to be able to live life normally, or they were people who already shipped them and felt they won at life. 😐

2) those who ignore any dating info are not into the gossip and just vibe with the personalities and music.

3) those who denied gave more ammunition to gurumi to post more pics. The pressure to disprove the pics grew to involve even more idols having private pics released. And complete strangers were harassed, and had their own pics stolen so fake accounts could be made to deny, deny, deny! (One being an account gurumi warned people about a full year before it was used to deny, yet again, taennie pics.)

They also resorted to hating on the idols' bodies, clothes, and personalities all to deny the dating info. So much libel was going on, and for what?

And now they wait for Tae to confirm. Not even Jennie can say anything. It has to be Tae. And how does that make them different than gurumi demanding a public statement?

Those who accept or who ignore take away the power of the person(s?) trying to expose them. Cause they don't need the statement. They'll support the idols anyway.

Those who deny are the ones who hold the idols hostage. Will they continue to support the idols? Is their support conditional on the idols dating only their band members? Or not dating at all? Or dating only people they approve of (y/ns included)? Are they actually supporting the idol by denying the relationship? Or are they actually denying the idol freedom to their own emotions and choices? Are they supporting their idol by talking shit about their partner or are they disparaging the choices of someone they claim to love unconditionally?

What are they personally trying to save by denying the happiness of someone they claim to love?

I can't answer some of these questions.

Tae solos, jenlisas and taekookers undoubtedly don't want to have their fantasies destroyed. It can emotionally hurt a body to have been so deep in a fantasy and to be wrong about it.

But I can't figure out why ARMYs are denying what is so obvious. What do they get out of these denials?

[dayeongi]

15 Questions for 15 People

I was tagged by @hesmiledlikeaweatherman (thank you!💖)

Are you named after anyone?

I was named after my father!! eugh!! But my middle name: my sister was a nightmare until my mother picked what she wanted, so that's my favorite name.

2. When was the last time you cried?

This past weekend!! Stress >:((((

3. Do you have kids?

I don't!! I want to have them in the future! one or two. Preferably both at once so I'm only pregnant once lmao. In the meantime i'm doing therapy and researching parenting methods for whenever. I'm only 28 so I want to wait a little longer

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

When i was a kid I did tae kwon do, karate, ballet, and swimming but they always ended up taking me out. I can't do team sports because I taste blood and I'm so ruthless and intense it scares me a little. But I love swimming!!

5. Do you use sarcasm?

It's taken me a LONG time to understand sarcasm; even now I sometimes don't get it. I think I just take people at their word. Whenever I've used sarcasm I always do it with this very over-the-top lilt, because I want to make sure my words are coded as that and not as me meaning what I said....

It's exhausting honestly, but if i get it right, it's funny

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their voice! I don't really register people's faces until i'm more acquainted

7. What's your eye color?

I have very very very dark brown eyes! you can only see that they're brown if the sunlight hits them right (and blinds me lmao)

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Both!! i feel like they serve different purposes

9. Any talents?

Languages! Once I find the cheat code for how they work , they unravel. It's very exciting!

I've also been told I'm really good at crafting, and singing. (I've won a few contests) I also have a very good long-term memory, but i recall things in pictures.

The other thing i'm good at is problem-solving. Once i stop freaking out that is lmao. One time I got mugged in south korea, was left with no cash, lost, and not able to speak the language, cried a little then traced my steps till i found the nearest metro station, then went from there.

TL;DR - i'm very good at learning and adapting!

10. Where were you born?

Mexico!

11. What are your hobbies?

I collect pretty things like a crow. I like reading, doing art both digital and traditional, sewing, sculpting, home renovation, building, writing, singing, doing my make up, swimming, watching anime and movies, traveling, and hanging out with my pets

12. Do you have any pets?

Two cats and a dog!! Coco, a lynx point siamese (5 y old), Joy (4 y old), a siamese, Choco, my 14 y/o mixed breed dog.

Surprisingly I never ended up asking for them Pet distribution system at its finest.

13. How tall are you?

I'm 170 cm!

14. Favorite subject in school?

English Language has always been my favorite class! I was the most excited about my Sociolinguistics class in university but it was taught by a nasty tool so he ruined that. Also Korean language class. Language classes in general.

15. What is your dream job?

Right now? Being rich enough that I don't have to work so I can write. I'd love to be a successful published writer. Singer, and also fashion brand owner. Oh well. Trying to be realistic

Tagging but no pressure! @shipmistress9 @powerful-niya @shrimparmy @backgroundcharacterno5 @lalanaranj-a @nandosango @ruejanerue @keroppri @chaosnojutsu @rapa3llah @fictionalnormalcy and anyone else that would like to do it!

[mirageofficial]

✿﹒⤷﹒🧸﹒ EUNAE'S LIVESTREAMS ﹒

( headcanon )

just like ateez, mirage goes live on youtube!

much like her brother when he goes live himself, she rambles on about whatever it is that they’ve been up to

the jeon siblings are incredibly close, they spent a lot of time together throughout their lives—eunae moving to korea to support jihun is the product of it

although...eunae likes to tease her older brother and share funny stories (or, at least SHE finds them funny…typical sibling bantering basically)

talks all about how he tries very hard to be that overprotective & scary big brother type, but he’s so soft n sweet that he’s practically just a big teddy bear like her

her most recent episode of "exposing her dorky big brother," was this week’s livestream, her first solo stream since tour ended

gossiped about how at the seoul show, both jihun and her boyfriend (of only about a few months at the time) were present—naturally, it was the first time they were introduced to each other

jihun tried to play it off as being overprotective but his own members (cough cough marley cough cough) called him out for being a bad actor…right in front of jeonghan

"so…moral of the story…promise, isn’t my brother great at first impressions? marley is a fantastic wingwoman, gotta give her props for her hard work…"

IN SHORT, EUNAE IS A SWEETHEART BUT SHE HAS RECEIPTS…AND WILL SHARE ALL THE GOSSIP WITH HER FANS

just like she gives daily song recommendations on bubble, she does the same when she's live!

at some point, nako will insert herself into the livestream

one way or another, she will FIND. A. WAY.

whether it be a phone call, barging into the room, or yelling from the other side of the dorm

but it’s okay because that’s eunae’s bestie & nobody tolerates nako like she does

nako once pranked eunae while she was live during rebirth promotions. she hid behind eunae’s curtains for like half an hour into the stream & jumpscared her so bad that she fell out of her chair

now eunae doesn’t go live if there’s curtains behind her lmfao the poor girl was swearing in both english & korean just from pure shock—the staff had to mute her 😭

nako was also banned from pranking the members on livestreams after that, much to her dismay lol

if her mom or dad calls her while she’s on live, eunae always answers and asks for them to greet everyone

gushes (and i mean GUSHES) about her boyfriend, never drops jeonghan’s name for the sake of privacy but simply mentions that she’s seeing someone…does not care if people hate her for it honestly lmao she just wants to tease her fans a little and be candid about what her life is really like as an idol

talks so much about him & what they’ve been doing together that fans even ask for updates it’s so cute…and they don’t even know WHO he is either

"ah…no, i can’t show you this picture of our recent date, but i can tell you about what we did!"

talks about the books she’s reading recently & reviews them in english

ALWAYS blushes when she gets comments about how pretty, fancy, or beautiful her english accent sounds…she’s also a wreck when someone comments that her accent suits her better than when she speaks korean

rarely does her lives in english, instead she has small segments where she does or announces if they’re going to be fully in english

a BIG romcom and fantasy romance enthusiast…gossips about kdramas like you’re her best friend fr!

ask her about whatever it is that lee dongwook did and she probably knows lol she LOVES that man and has seen all of his acting projects

talks about her time while performing in musicals a lot as well! shares the shows she was in + her roles, also shares all of her stories of successes & failures as a (very short-lived) musical theater actress!

overall? eunae makes it feel like you’re on facetime with her as an old friend, there’s always a warm and fuzzy feeling when you get that notification that she’s live!

MENTIONS JEONGHAN FROM @offlivne

TAGLIST | @neocityocs @alixnsuperstxr @ying-yang-qiao @kadieswrld @ino3zi

JOIN THE TAGLIST HERE!

[lost-in-lamentation]

wait ok i actually really like these questions so thank you for the tag mel ㅠㅠ @melverie

15 Questions Game

01; are you named after anyone?

nope. i'm just me ( ・∇・)

02; when was the last time you cried?

last week, actually. an extremely verbally violent customer had it out for me. luckily, i didn't cry until after i kicked him out of my store so i think it was a success in the end teehee

03; do you have kids?

my instruments are my babies, my precious loves.

04; what sports do/have you played?

currently, i only play volleyball. i have quite the extensive list of sports on my roster tho so

5+ years: basketball, rugby, field hockey, netball, volleyball, swimming.

2-4 years: badminton, tennis, track, water polo.

05; do you use sarcasm?

... no. yes, an unfortunate amount.

06; what is the first thing you notice about people?

hands and eyes. i am an unfortunately hyper aware person, and will always keep track of hands and eyes to make sure that the conversation isn't going south.

07; what's your eye colour?

an extremely dark brown, bordering on black. (and yes, i've scared multiple people because of it)

08; scary movies or happy endings?

these feel like two things you can't compare tbh but i will go with good endings. if the question was sad or happy endings, i'd have a hard time with that

09; any talents?

i'm good at languages! and more specifically, i'm good at imitating how a native would speak their language. i speak 6 languages and am planning to learn more. i used to teach at an English school for Koreans, and when i spoke to them in KRN, some of the students said that if i was talking to them over the phone, they wouldn't know i'm not Korean (i was so happy). and while i was in Osaka, i was talking to a worker for a while when she asked "what part of Japan are you from?" i then had to inform her that i am indeed not from Japan and she was quite shocked and said i sounded so native oh my proudest moment tbh

10; where were you born?

the Philippines! i'm not there anymore tho (ノ_･､)

11; what are your hobbies?

i game a lot these days, but if i'm not gaming, i'm usually playing the piano.

12; do you have any pets?

i've got one dog! he's a pomeranian husky mix (´ω｀)

13; how tall are you?

sadly, 5'4 / 164cm.

14; favourite subject in school?

gym class lol did you see my sports list

but if we're talking academically, either english or chemistry class.

15; dream job?

ah, how sad it is to be 22 and still not know. but right now, i'm working on securing a job where i get to be an English teacher abroad, so i think that counts as my current dream job :)

man these games always make me realise i never interact with anyone. so if u see this do the questions cause i'm too scared to tag you 🫵🏼

[ni-kol-koru]

a big big thanks to my lovely mutuals @vespersposts and @lylakoi for tagging me in this little answers questiongs game! i am so excited to answer! 🩵

1. Are you named after anyone?

yes! and there is a longish story behind it! my parents struggled having kids for a long time before having my twin sister and i. they tried everything possible, but mum just couldn't stay pregnant. no doctor could tell why and no amount of praying was helping. when they almost gave up, after 8 years of trying, on December 19th, mum finally found out she was pregnant! in Orthodox Christian Calendar that's a day called St. Nikola, and so mum knew that the baby would be named after him, to honor him and thank him for the blessing! then she found out she had identical twin girls! we ended up being born sooner becayse my sister was developing way faster than me and she was so big she was kind of crushing me, leaving me with almost no oxygen. she was eating all my food as well, so i was starving, too. doctors thought i wouldn't survive, but my mum says that she believed in me and was praying to St. Nikola that i would be healthy and okay. and so i was the baby named after him! now i bear a female version of his name, Nikolija!

2. When was the last time you cried?

two days ago actually... before posting my art on here i had a little crying session because i was really worried and thought people wouldn't like and enjoy my work. then i cried from happines when my first like happened a few minutes after i posted!

3. Do you have kids?

no, but maybe one day i would like to have them.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don't think so, but some of the people i know claim otherwise?

5. What's your eye color?

dark brown! they are very dark though! most people in my life thought they were black before i pointed a flashlight in them.

6. Scary movies or happy endings?

i am not a fan of scary movies, so happy endings!

7. Any special talents?

not sure if this is a talent, but my intelligence is really high! after doing my iq test my examiner told me that i was really impressive and that the last time she encountered someone so bright was like a decade ago. i have an iq that's between 135 and 145, but i was never given the exact number for some reason?

8. Where were you born?

on a sunny and beautiful August day, in the middle of her vacation abroad, my mum had a weird gut feeling about the babies in her belly. she asked my dad and her parents if she could visit a doctor. when the doctors had a look they said and she had to urgently give birth or one of her babies could die. she originally wanted to go home and give birth there, but she decided she didn't want to risk anything, so, my sister and i were born during mum's vacation in Trieste, Italy!

9. What are your hobbies?

i have a bunch of hobbies! my oldest and absolute favorite hobby is drawing, i do that since i know for myself! i also really love dancing and i have been a folk dancer for a really big part of my life. now i am just a casual part of a folk dancing club because i don't have enough time to commit to it fully... i have a hobby similar to it, and it's learning K-Pop and J-Pop dances! i am a big fan of a few Korean and Japanese groups and i find learning their choreographies enjoyable! i also love learning languages! in school i learned English, Russian and German, and on my own i am learning Japanese and Italian! i might not speak them all fluently, but i am actively working on them! watching anime is one of my favorite hobbies as well! i also play video games, mostly the ones that you create things in, like Minecraft and the Sims! another hobby of mine is collecting K-Pop photocards of my favorite girls, SuA of Dreamcatcher and Nayeon and Dahyun of TWICE! it's my most recent hobby! throughout my life i have tried many more things like singing, crotchet, embroidery, making sculptures, animation, sewing, writing, reading, a few different sports, but these are the ones that stuck with me for the longest!

10. Have you any pets?

yes, i do! i have a cat and a dog! my dog is a black labrador named Oddie! he is turning 10 human years old this year! he is the sweetest and cutest boy, but his health is slowly declining and i am scared for him. he has been by my side since i was 8 and i wish he could stay by my side forever, he is truly my favorite dog ever! i also have a black cat! my mum's friend found him in the garden and now he is our precious Leo. he is cuddly and sweet and he loves spending time outdoors. he sometimes gets injured and gives us heart attacks, but he always ends up being okay!

11. What sports do you play/have played?

if dancing folklore is a sport, then yes! i have also attempted volleyball and basketball a couple of times in my life, but i am really clumsy with my hands so i was never good at them and quit them really quickly.

12. How tall are you?

i was around 168cm last time i checked it!

13. Favorite subject in school?

i really love Geography, History and English. though Biology and Chemistry are right behind them!

14. Dream job?

a concept artist for cartoons. that is something i want to do since i was literally 10 years old and i still stand by it! if that doesn't work out then becoming a tattoo artist sounds awesome! i already draw a lot on people in my school and it is really fun, and the job is very well paid!

anyone who follows me is open to answer these questions!

though, i would really like to hear your answers: @mibuchis @zelandiangelo @shofii-j @kumikoshortcake @candycaneaddict @shintaroukazunari @teiasstuff @tamnozeleno @nat6lie 🩵

[filmbyjy]

Darling swaps over to instagram on her phone, changing the settings to public after archiving the photos of and including Angel and Damien, to create the new post with the first ten photos: @: Just shy of #10months but I can't wait to love you in the years to come 🥰💌 #LHS #DxH #ilovehim #helovesme #mylove #myheart #myworld* She takes a deep breath before she clicks the publish button. All the while, Cai recorded everything on her own phone.

He glances up at the phone once she finally clicks the publish button- and seems even more excited- if that were even possible- and his eyes go a little bit wide. "H-Hey," He mutters, as he smiles up at her and her sister in front of him. He's still in her lap, the smile growing on his face once he sees the message that she put on it- though it does look as though he's a little bit too shy to say anything else about it.

Cai just pokes her tongue out to Heeseung as Darling begins to create another post. "Wait!" Kyler speaks up, causing Darling to stop mid-selection of photos, "It may be slightly chaotic but the last 10 photos should be posted on ENHYPEN'S accounts."

He watches as Cai poks her tongue out at him, before he turns his attention back towards Darling as she begins to create another post- after all, she's the one in charge of it. But, he listens in, when he hears Kyler speak up. He seems a little confused by this, but he nods his head. "Oh. Mmn...yeah...sure..." he murmurs in response. He seems a little bit curious about why they need to be on ENHYPEN's account, but he keeps quiet. "Okay."

But Darling seems to understand where Kyler is going with this. "Otherwise, it gives others to rebute the relationship," she concludes. "Exactly," Kyler nods, turning to address the rest of the members in Korean, "걱정 마세요, 저가 피해 복구에 도움을 줄게요."

He nods his head, once Darling says this. It seems that she really knows what she's doing- which, he's very grateful for. Also, it made the whole process of this a lot less scary for a guy like him. When Kyler starts to address the rest of the members in Korean, he just looks over at Darling- wondering if she's translating what her friend just said. His eyes keep on her as she's translating. Once she's finished, he nods his head- as much as he's excited about it, he's mostly just happy to see her smile at this.

(Is Heeseung so mindnumb he can't understand his own language, yet can understand English?) "Uh, English?" Cai inquiries, still recording everything, as she voices Heeseung's request. "Kyler is going to help with the potential fallout of these photos being posted on ENHYPEN'S Social Media Accounts," Darling answers, smiling down at Heeseung in her lap, "She'll make it impossible for anyone to dismiss our relationship."

(Yup lmao) "Okay..." He responds once Darling translates fo him -in English. But, as she continues on to translate what Kyler said- as she continues on to explain his role- Heeseung can't help but let out yet another little hum, as he gently wraps his arms around her waist again, his fingers interlocking. He's just completely wrapped up in her right now- both, physically and emotionally. And he's loving every single second of it. "Mmmn..."

When he's so far gone, he can't understand his own language anymore 💀

~🧛🏻‍♂️🐕

multilingual things.

bc honestly same. me with malay and now Korean bc why not

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

since you wanted to see suga giving advice instead of fanboying, what did you think of the last episode of suchwita?

The fact that someone actually reads my posts is always humbling. And flattering, and scary. Thank you for giving me a clear opportunity to talk about the episode haha.

I loved the episode. I liked it a lot more than usual, the most of all the episodes so far, for many reasons. First, I love Hoshi. Like, I don't know him, but he's cute, earnest, kind of shy, funny, goofy, sweet. He was just as cute and shy in No Prepare and he wasn't even fanboying or with his sunbae then. Secondly, I know Seventeen and Hoshi well enough that their story means something to me and is familiar to me. Thirdly, there are many parallels between Seventeen and BTS, so it was nice that Yoongi talked so much about BTS.

However, I don't like the Korean mentality of "the older generation gives the younger generations advice and the younger generations listen". Why can't Hoshi give Yoongi advice too? Why was there such a distance between them? Yoongi says he isn't scary or intimidating, but he honestly unknowingly creates this distance between himself and others. He's too much of a wise grandpa. I couldn't help but think that, were the show hosted by any other member, the atmosphere would've been more relaxed. Jin and RM would dish out advice, sure, but they'd do it in a more approachable, friendly way. I know that's just Suga's personality and Korean culture, but it felt so formal. Can't they speak like friends? They're just a few years apart and debuted a few years apart. I liked that Yoongi complimented Seventeen a lot though. But when he insisted that BTS haven't opened the doors for kpop groups in the US, I was like "Dude, you did. Don't lie.". He agreed that they were the first to do large scale performances with dancers at award shows, and he said they did Bangtan Bomb and etc. first, and now all groups do it, so why was he humble about the US thing? BTS and Seventeen are only a couple of years apart, but miles apart in terms of impact and fame, so I get the distance between them. Tbh, I liked Hoshi more than Yoongi. It's sweet how much Hoshi loves the group. I really admire how dedicated idols are to their group.

Also, it was "funny" that when Yoongi talked about creating his own Kpop group, he mentioned not liking having to tell teenagers what to do. Do they have to be teenagers though? As harsh as the industry is, would he really not do anything differently? Sometimes it feels that idols would do to others what was done to them if they were put in the same position. I think survival shows are terrible and idols always mention how hard they are, but idols also watch them, same as kpop stans.

Another interesting thing Yoongi said was that stans do their best to make a group successful, so they have to worry more about making fans happy so they want to stan and less about being successful, since stans will try hard to achieve that anyway. It's very true, isn't it?

Anyway, I still kind of don't like Yoongi as a host. With BTS, there's less formality, but I think, regardless of age differences and Korean culture, Suga sets a very formal tone. I don't know... I don't really like the idea of one person always giving or taking advice. It should be more balanced.

Thanks for the ask!

[kpophubb]

back to part II. 2:47am 🌙

Good morning Mia~~ rise N Shine sweetheart

I wish you a happy Tuesday 🥰

eat good and treat yourself kindly

See you flower ❣️ 🌹

~ 🐁

Hahah hello baby 😅🧡 just created an acc to write you a letter too, but OFC ME BEING ME, I forgot the password in a span of a few hours 💔 so I’ll just write you the reply letter here.

ꕺ♡ 💌 : ….𝕿𝖔 𝙼𝚈 нуυηวιη … ꕺ♡

♡….first of all, thank you so much for always leaving the sweetest messages for me to see right when I wake up in the morning. I hope you know I read your asks the first thing in the morning and they always leave me with a huge smile and a great start to the day. 💛

♡… aww thank you for saying that you will be there for me 🥺 I know you will🫶🏻 so don’t worry I’ll ofc run to my anonie if I feel bad ever and rant a lot but like you said, I’ll be okay so don’t worry love. You understand this thing I do, when you’re a people’s person you worry too much and get anxious when you enter a new place, worrying whether you will be able to fit in or not. Whether they’re gonna judge you for what you wear, do, say and whether they’re just gonna get you attached and turn out to be one of those people who always make you feel bitter at the end and leave. :( those are the kind of mixed emotions and fear I’m having now, bc personally speaking I’m really afraid of people irl and can’t maintain any sort of relationship that be friendship, family or romantic. And I’m also worried about my academic performance bc I’m not really talented or smart and struggle a lot with that. But I’ll be okay, cause I’m a strong girl 😤 ik after a few months I’ll be able to adjust and can take care of myself! I love spending time with me and at this point ik my self worth so well and what kind of people to give myself to, so there’s nth to grow afraid about!!

♡…soulmate best friend. Hmm. I can feel you as I always longed for one but at the end always got my heart broken by fake friends. But, I finally found my best friend and we’ve been friends since 4 years already and our understanding level and everything is too good to be true, I already feel like she’s my soulmate bff! 🫶🏻 I love her the most!! So that’s why it’s making me so sad that we’re moving to two different continents entirely and won’t be able to see or talk to eachother as much. Cause you know how hard long distance relationships can be..they fall weak and break over time and closer people replace you. And she’s someone I wouldn’t want to lose at all costs. Ofc I know we’re gonna make time for eachother and try our best to meet and call, but yet..some part of me is so scared it makes me feel super lonely. However, I know one thing for sure now that relationships are really about two things- effort & destiny. If a relationship is supposed to last, no force in the world can tear you away. And if it isn’t, no force can keep you together. Hence, I’ve left it all upto fate and am keeping my fingers crossed that nothing will ever change between us. 💔

♡… AH ANONIE there’s so much I’d love to tell you about myself and I’d love to show you pictures of the places I’ve been to and myself as well but I’m not very comfortable sharing my private life anywhere sadly✋🏻 :( bc our asks can be read by anyone here so..,, I’m hoping one day when we talk in private dms (If we do, no pressure so you can relax) then I’ll send you all the nice stuffs and you can get to know all about me that you want to. 💞

♡… and lol about the skincare! I was using this mask called the Chinese ginseng & rice mask by the body shop? I mostly use Thailand and Korean products on my face lol, they suit me more. (Esp thai products) 😛 I always buy a lot of skincare + body care and invest less in makeup bc makeup doesn’t really suit me much and I don’t like using it a lot. I prefer natural looks more 🫶🏻 what kind of products do you use anonie?? I’m curious!!

♡…about healing anonie. Healing takes time and can be really scary. Sometimes you feel like you take 2 steps forward with everything you’ve got but the next day you withdraw 10 steps backward and feel like you’ve lost it all. It’s okay love. Just hang in there and don’t overthink what’s to come in the future. Life is a cycle of happiness and sadness, if sadness comes so will the happiness and if happiness comes then the sadness is inevitable too. There’s nth to worry cause you can rest assured that if you cry, you will smile again for sure. And I’ll always obviously be here for you and give you my shoulder to cry on and try to cheer you up when you’re down. So you can always rely on me! ❤️

♡… aww you’re so hard working anon🥺 pls take proper rest as you need energy and good sleep and food if you need to work hard! I’m always acknowledging you and am proud of your steps even if they’re as trivial and little as going out of the bed every morning. I love you so much!! I’m not feeling my usual positive and happy self atm as I’m physically sick (period cramps + back pain and stomach aches) and also I seem to be crying and feeling like shit recently due to my period maybe idk but your texts and presence always cheer me up. I love you so much and thank you for everything, my hyunnie 💛

ꕺ♡ ….💌 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 ƒєℓιχ 🌤️ ꕺ♥︎

[☁️….𝗹𝗼𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗾𝘂𝗼𝘁𝗲] ⇘

"I thank you for being born, stay." 💛

[mint-moon25]

MY SMARTPHONE - DISAPPEARED - MIAMI - FLORIDA -

SAMSUNG GALAXY - S10 - OLD - SERIES AFTER 3 YRS -

WHAT - TUMBLR - BRICKELL - MALL - REMOVED - FRM -

ME - THEY - HAVE - PROGRAMS - 2 - HACK THE PRESS -

VIOLATED - ‘FREEDOM OF THE PRESS’ -

ENOUGH - IS - ENOUGH

ANGELS - CLUB - WORLDWIDE

ALL - AGES - NEVER - COED 2

EVER - WANTED - YOUR - OWN - ROKU -

USB - CONNECT - 2 - INNS - HDTV - YES -

ENCOURAGED - WITH - ROKU - MORE -

THAN - ONE - USING - 2 - EMAIL ADRS -

U - WANT - BUT - NOW - EVERYONE - YES -

WANTS - BUT - INVISIBLE - THEY - CAN’T -

WANT - COMING -

DEMOCRATS - BROWSER

FREE - LIGHTNING - SPEED

OUR OWN DOMAINS - FREE - 24/7 - ALL -

AGES - FREE - FOREVER

OUR - OWN - ROKU - BUT - INVISIBLE -

CALLED - ANGELS

OUR - OWN - DOMAINS - FREE

ANGELS   .   girls

ANGELS   .   boys

ANGELS   .   kids

ANGELS   .   baby

NEW - NATIONAL - DANCE - TAHITIAN

WE - SPEAK - WITH - OUR - HANDS & FEET

CHANGING - ALL - OF - THAT - OUR - OWN

LANGUAGE - MEANING - GIRLS -

‘FIRE - AT - WILL’

OUR - BULLETS - LESS - THAN - TIC TAC -

SIZE - DISAPPEAR - THEIR - BODIES - IF -

THEIR - PARENTS - LOVE - THEM THEY -

CAN - GET - THEM - BACK - BECAUSE -

UNDER - AGE 100 - JUST - SENDING -

THEM - 2 - THEIR - MAKERS

GUESS - WHAT - GRAY - HYUNDAI - KOREAN -

LICENSE - PLATE

LHB J40

ELECTRA

ALWAYS - PARKED - AT - DISABLED - PARKING -

NO - HANDICAP - PERMIT - BELONGS - 2 - THE -

NEW - HISPANIC - GIRL - BEAUTIFUL - LITTLE -

GIRL - NOT - CUBA - KEVIN - WEIRDO - WHITE -

TGIF - FRIDAY - 21 APRIL 2023 - SAW - I - WAS -

LATE - 8:20A ED - HER - COMING - IN - AND SO -

MALE - MOVERS - BLK - HAIR - THEY - LOOK -

SCARY - ALL - MALES - BLACK - CLOTHES AS -

THEY - SAW - ILLEGAL - 1 RESTROOM - WAS -

LOCKED - AND - DARK - AGAIN - THEY WERE -

TRYING - 2 - USE - THIS - SO - I - JUST - LEFT -

WERE - TRYING - 2 - FIND - SOMEONE - AS -

SHE - ENTERS - THE - OPEN - PARKING XO -

SPACE - EXTRA - SPACE - STORAGE -

1103 SW 3RD AVE

MIAMI FL      33130

SO - WE’RE - BUYING - R SIDE - THE -

UGLY - APARTMENT - BLDG - MAKING -

A - STORAGE - BUILDING - 1ST LEGAL -

ONE - TALL - EACH - FLOOR SHOWERS -

$0.25 - PER - 30 MIN - SHAMPOO - AND -

CONDITIONER - LOTION - PROVIDED & -

TOWELS - BLOW - DRYER THE WORKS -

2 - EXITS - PER - SHOWER - THE BEST -

STRONGEST - WATER - ORANGE - OIL -

LAUNDRY - ROOM - PER - FLOOR -

WASHER - $0.25 - DRYER - $0.25 -

NO - SHOES - NO - RUGS - MALE -

GUARDS - 24/7 - HOLIDAYS

FIRST - FLOOR - FREE - BUFFET - ALL -

AGES - SALAD - BAR - INTERNATIONAL -

AMERICAN FOODS - CHEFS - REALLY -

GOOD - FREE - LIKE - STUDIO McGEE -

EACH - FLOOR - VENDING MACHINES -

FRESH - HOT - COLD - SALADS MORE -

CHEAPEST - ON - EARTH - SOFAS AND -

VIEWS - 24/7 - ENTRANCE - HOLIDAYS -

NEVER - CLOSED - STORAGE - UNITS -

$0.25 - PER - DAY - 1 MONTH - CAN XO -

PAY - IN - ADVANCE - AUTO - GOES TO -

L - OR - R - AUTO - APP - 2 C - INSIDE -

24/7 - NICE - LIGHTS - NO - SURPRISE -

ALL - UNITS - SONY - SMART - TV -

ON - YOUTUBE - FREE - AND YES -

SOUNDPROOF - WAVE - 2ND - FINGER -

TAP - CARDS - 2 - ENTER - WAVE CARD -

AUTO - 2 - THE - R - OR - AUTO - 2 LEFT -

APP - SEE - HALLWAYS - INSIDE - THE -

ELEVATORS - SEE - EACH - FLOOR XO -

24/7 - FREE - KNOW - YOUR - BUILDING -

1ST - FLOOR - SEE - BUFFET - AREA -

ALSO - INCLUDES - ANOTHER FLOOR -

SMALL - GROCERY - CHEAPER THAN -

PUBLIX - WALMART - COOKWARE US -

INCLUDED - SMOKELESS - GRILLS & -

RECHARGEABLE - BATTERIES - FOR - 

IT - USE - LIGHT - CHARCOAL - ALSO -

SELLING - QUITE - COMPLETE - YES -

ELECTRONICS - STORE - AND - MY -

THING - 1 FLOOR - KOREAN - BBQ -

KOREAN - STEAKS - 2 - I - GRILL & -

SMOKELESS - OR - HONG KONG - MALES -

COOKING - 4 - US - NICE - SHOW - NOT XO -

THAT - EXPENSIVE - KOREAN - TOWN -

SOUTHERN - CALIFORNIA - FRESH CA -

FISH - U - SELECT - EVEN - LOBSTER -

RAW - JAPANESE - DON’T - DO - THAT -

I - WON’T - THEN - EAT - THAT - AND -

LIVING - OCTOPUS - STILL - MOVING -

WHILE - U R - EATING - $200 - BY THE -

WAY - BUT - BEST - SUSHI - NEW YORK -

HERBS - 2 - SUB - SOY SAUCE - SO NOT -

MESSY - BEST - ON - EARTH - JUST $150 -

A - TABLE - $120 - BUT - WHY - SEEING -

MASTER - SUSHI - JAPANESE - MAN IS -

$150 - THAT’s - CHEAP - 4 - SUSHI -

EATERS - U - CAN - BUY - HIM HIS -

FAVORITE - DRINK - PART OF THE -

TIP - THEY - LOVE - THAT - GO - 4 -

IT - TAKE - CARE - OF - YOUR - LOCAL -

SUSHI - MASTER - WILL - TAKE - CARE -

OF - YOU - YEAH - MISS - TOKYO - AND -

NEW YORK - ON - THAT - MANHATTAN -

THE - THEY - TAKE - CARE - OF - YOU -

FAITHFUL - LOYAL - AND - TRUE -

WHAT - I - WILL - NEVER - MISS -

ABOUT - FLORIDA - IS - NO ONE -

LOOKS LIKE - REN - OF - CHINA -

OF - NCT - DREAM - OF - SINGS -

LIKE - DREAMY - BOY - LUV HIM -

AMERICANS - SPANISH - SPEAKING -

TALL - HUGE - BIG - CRUEL HUMANS -

SPAIN - RAVISHED - KNOCKED - UP -

OVER - 243,000 - WOMEN - EVERY - YEAR -

THEY’RE - NOT - ALLOWED - 2 - DEFEND -

THEMSELVES - WITH - GUNS - WEAPONS -

OVER - 30,000 - WOMEN - IN - THAILAND -

THEY - 2 - NOT - ALLOWED - GUNS - OR 2 -

DEFEND - THEMSELVES - DON’T - MARRY -

THAI - MALES - DON’T - MARRY - SPANISH -

SPEAKING - DECREASE - THEIR - BREED -

LADIES - FLORIDA - DOESN’T - HAVE ANY -

MALES - LIKE - REN - CHINA - OF - NCT U -

NCT 127 - NCT DREAM - DON’T - SING -

DON’T - DANCE - DON’T - LOOK - LIKE -

HIM - ANGELIC - BEAUTIFUL - GENTLE -

SPECTACULAR - THEY - DON’T - LOOK -

TALENTED - ATHLETIC - NOT - FAST -

RUNNERS - NON-VIRGINS - KISSED -

TOUCHED - PENETRATES ENTERED -

THEY - AIN’T - VIRGINS - $1,000 - EA -

MONTH - MBA - MATER - BRICKELL -

ACADEMY - THEY’RE - CHRISTIANS

[feuqueerfire]

Roommates of Poongduck 304 Live Blogging

Viki (free)

This is the first kBL that has the same actor pair starring in a second BL, right? I've heard it's better than Kissable Lips and I need it to be fun after what KL, I hope I like it.

Also why does Viki not have Korean subs of their Korean shows :(

Ep 1 (Jan 29)

oh yeah I remember seeing a clip of the guy saying No! to shower heads lol

oh Holland (Seong Ho Cheol). is this a cameo or is he a side character? also he has a satoori accent but which?

Is Holland gonna overcharge the guy?

pls not the guy screaming and fainting at the sight of a cockroach

pls I didn't realize this show was gonna lean that hard into comedy

lmao Ho Cheol fr scammed them with the rent and maintenance fee

the guy's name is Ji Ho Jun

lol the landlord guy is like hmmm i needa see how much you gave my friend before I can refund you and Ho Jun is like umm I'm being scammed by this landlord and his friend. meanwhile Ho Cheol's spending the money. fun enemies dynamic though and understandable

고객 = customer (18:50)

plss Ho Jun so annoying, I'm saving the public from getting scammed like me by living here

as expected, Ho Jun is the new manager of landlord guy's team

Ep 2 (Jan 29)

ahhhh he's a spoiled rich kid layabout who doesn't understand the value of money and doesn't have interest in the business! his actions and behaviour make a lot more sense now than when I thought he was a rich higherup but with actual talent probably

Linguistics: Ho Jun talks informally/banmal to his father's/his ex assistant

landlord's name is Seo Jae Yun

ah the antagonizing continues as Ho Jun now has the power of Jae Yun's next evaluation in his hands

This show is much more comedic than I'd realized haha

Ep 3 (Jan 29)

oh i hate this. This is the problem with office dramas, I can't handle office problems or drama or politics or scary bosses. School troubles? Sure, fine because I'm okay at it and I have enough experience to overcome my troubles even if it's a shitty semester. Office troubles? not fine whatsoever - I can't find a job and even if I did, I think office politics would crush me fr

Ho Jun's niceness in putting a bandaid on Jae Yun after putting him through everything and also being snarky about workplace injury lol

Some things I'm confused about - so when it says Jae Yun's the landlord, it means he's the owner of the condo? Or is he the owner of the whole building, whichis what I previously thought? Also, why does Ho Jun still have two cars at least if his father told the assistant to sell them

at least the two other teammates are nice to him and slightly try to speak up for Jae Yun

girl they sure chose an insane decision to make the relationship progress. Jae Yun accidentally kicking Ho Jun in the face -> being sorry -> sharing food with Ho Jun and eating together. and Ho Jun letting Jae Yun stay in the office

ah okay once again confirmation that Jae Yun has bought the whole building, that's wild fr

Seung Seok friend is so disingenuous but then sometimes seems genuine and I'm like hmmm. or maybe he knows that Jae Yun seems to kinda have a crush on him? idk but at least he's taking advantage of jae yun caring about him as a friend

...I don't care enough yet about Ho Jun or their relationship thus far to be sad that Jae Yun's kinda leaving Ho Jun to eat alone, esp after how Ho Jun treated him purposefully throughout the ep. too fast of a change

poor Jae Yun realizing that he's being used for Seung Seok's sales but convincing himself that he did the right thing

The change in their dynamics is too quick but I hope that means we'll have to deal with less workplace horrifying-ness.

Ep 4 (Jan 30)

oof drunk Jae Yun letting out all the ways he's bought so much from Seong Seok rip

"If I loved like a normal person, I wouldn't be going through this right now" is this about him liking men because Jae Yun you'd probably be a dumbass even if you liked a woman

I'm gonna pretend that's a great business idea

do I care about Jae Yun's father and his sad backstory and how he came here to learn etc

lol Ho Jun said he remembers the night when they got drunk loll embassed Jae Yun

Ep 5 (Jan 30)

I'm not disliking it but I also don't feel the need to watch the next ep but also I wanna finish it by tomorrow agh since it's the end of the month

lol I've been like 'lol k' so far in the ep but Jae Yun's sheer disbelief that Ho Jun was smart and clever in university is taking me out

is this how businesses and decisions work? anyway idc about this business or their work

lol not Ho Jun legit tearing up after seeing Jae Yun meet up with Seong Seok (and then go away in a car by himself to do some work/errand for Seong Seok agh drop that man!)

Ep 6 (Jan 31)

I was honestly planning on just skipping and skimming through these last 3 eps but there seems to be interesting parts with Seong Seok and finally Jae Yun stands up for himself, so I'll give it an actual watch but like on 2x speed bc i can't otherwise

Jae Yun fr selling for Seong Seok and doing his work

Did Seong Seok fr sign the contract on that random woman's name to buy 20 Jade mats? and then Jae Yun's having to pay the settlement money

ohh Seong Seok is doing MLM stuff lmfao I hadn't originally realized it but now he's talking bout Sapphire level and getting money without sales and lol

Ho Jun and his friend

oh a kiss

Ep 7 (Jan 31)

lol they started dating really quickly, i guess that angst got wrapped up so that we can get the angst of dating at the office, esp when Ho Jun is his boss + chairman's son

pls them each overhearing people talking about the chairman's son or calling Jae Yun cute

be more careful at the office, I'm so nervous

lmfao boohoo poor chaebols and their unfortunate lives like we can follow this specific character and how the lack of privacy affects him without making it a

ah the breakup

Ep 8 (Jan 31)

too much of an acceleration like lmfao "do you need a reason to get sick of someone?"

damn Jae Yun fr is like gbye I'm gonna leave the home and also not be at work here's my resignation letter

plsss not Ho Jun chasing Holland's character

girl wtf Ho Jun just did all the resignation and launching by himself? verrry cramped together huh lol

Overall Thoughts

I wish I was in more of a romcom mood because this was really funny, more so than expected but I didn't really care about the romantic aspect and the last ep was so fast and squished. It was good but not great.

A step up from Kissable Lips. I wonder which production company made this, it's like 30 min episodes, so it's 4 hours, one of the longer kBLs. Oh it's Poongduck, the kinda meh ending makes sense when we think about that but I think they have a higher budget than their other BLs.

Rating: 6/10

[byunbaekby]

title — the things i know pairing — soccerplayer!jisung x female reader genres — angst, fluff, high school au, strangers to lovers au, first love au, long distance relationship, hurt and comfort, coming of age overall warnings — underage drinking, cancer, character death, language, mentions of hickeys, fainting, mentions and descriptions of hospitals, soccer inaccuracies, lots of angst (you’ve been warned!) word count — 14.8k summary — jisung has never been keen on growing up, or even understanding what adulting means. at seventeen, all he knows is: he loves soccer (and he’s damn gifted at it), and girls are very pretty but also plenty scary. then he met you, his first love who turned his life upside down and made his stomach roll like the soccer balls he loved to kick around the field. but when your cancer comes back after years in remission, jisung thinks, he doesn’t really want to grow up anymore. playlist — falling, harry styles ; your guardian angel, red jumpsuit apparatus ; my first and last, nct dream ; bye my first, nct dream ; orchid, jeremy zucker

additional — for the heartbreak hotel collab hosted by @nct-writers​. my concept in the five stages of grief was “acceptance and hope.” thank you to my babes @suh-insane​ and @astroboy-lele​ for proof-reading!

The thing about knowledge is that you never know when or what you’re going to learn. There’s no way for you to predict what will be of your mind when you fall into bed that night, surrendering to the moon. In the morning, there’s no telling what knowledge your brain will choose to store away for remembrance over the course of the night, and what your brain will decide is unnecessary. What you decide not to remember is a memory you can’t even miss. 

When you wake up every morning, you don’t know if you’ll go to bed having met someone who will change your life forever. 

At seventeen, there are two things that Park Jisung knows. One, he loves playing soccer (and he’s damn good at it, the way his long legs carry him across the field in what seems to onlookers like seconds). Two, girls are very pretty but plenty scary as well. 

The day starts out normally, like any other away game that the team plays.

He wakes up at six o’clock on the dot, and eats a large breakfast to hold him over for the game, then packs a few granola bars into his soccer bag and lets his sister know he’s leaving before he jogs the way to the park where the bus is waiting for his team. The ride is normally an hour long, so he either tucks his earbuds into his ears and tries to get in a short nap or he converses with his teammates. 

Today though, the bus ride is three hours long. Crossing his hoodie-clad arms across his chest to act against the cold air of the bus, he focuses his gaze outside and watches as the town goes by. 

“Yo, Jisung, check this out!” 

At the sound of his name he turns his head, blinking when he sees a number of his teammates in the surrounding area nudging him closer. A few of them are leaning in towards a particular teammate, who displays a proud expression. “What’s up,” asks Jisung as he too leans forward toward his team member, curiosity slightly piqued.

Jaemin, the teammate in question, tugs the collar of his jersey down to reveal his skin. On the milky white curve of Jaemin’s collarbone, he sports a dark purple bruise, surrounded by a perimeter of yellow where the skin seems to be healing. There’s no question as to where that mark came from, and it definitely wasn’t from soccer. 

“Ew, man, that looks sick!” comes from Donghyuck, along with a few comments from others, either approving or disturbed. 

“Where’d that come from?” 

Renjun slaps Mark on the chest, eyebrows furrowed at him. “Obviously, it was from Anne! Didn’t you see the way they were all over each other at last week’s game?” Jaemin grins, eyes going lovesick at the thought of his girlfriend. 

Jisung’s expression contorts into one of disgust. “That’s disgusting, man,” he comments, nose still scrunched in distaste as he leans back into his original spot on the bus seat. Another thing he’ll never understand is why people are so desperate to grow up, as if giving hickeys and sneaking vodka into their Hydro flasks makes them somehow more adult. 

He slips his earbuds into his ears, playing some light muzak to lull him to sleep with his head leaned rather uncomfortably against the cold window. 

-

Jisung doesn’t think that he’s exceptionally smart; he’s gotten passing to above average grades his entire life. He’s not musically talented, nor is he particularly a smooth talker. 

But hearing people call him gifted is a feeling he relishes every time.

With his long legs and strangely large and spacious lungs, soccer called the boy’s name from the time he could run. He dominated the peewee league, then the club teams until this point, at the ripe age of seventeen waiting to be scouted for college teams. 

He wasn’t usually one to brag but today, he had shot the winning goal. 

Everyone has their thing, the one thing that they excel at. For Picasso it was painting, for Yiruma it was piano, for Renjun it’s spending four hours every night researching alien conspiracy theories. For Jisung, it’s soccer. But he’s never been exceptionally good at speaking to people. 

“What’s your name?” He hears a voice, cheery and upbeat, behind him as he’s grabbing his bag on the side of the field. The game is over, and the crowd begins to dissipate while the team members are gathering their things to return to the bus. Turning over his shoulder he sees you, wearing a bright smile. Cautiously he responds, “Jisung Park.”

“Oh, so you’re Korean then. I’m gonna write that down, okay? How long have you been playing soccer?” You ask next, and now Jisung’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. 

“Write what down?” He asks, trying to keep his tone as polite as possible. Even so, how is he supposed to react to a random person at a game suddenly appearing to ask him questions? As he wipes his forehead with his towel he adds, “Who even are you?”

Quickly you say, “I write in the high school newspaper, and wanted to get a close-up of today’s star.” It’s then that Jisung realizes the camera slung around your neck and the notepad in your hands. 

“Why are you writing about me? I don’t even go here.”

“Because,” you say, a slight sigh creeping into your voice now. “Our team sucked today. You straight up stole the show, and no one wants to read about a team that lost. I’d rather give them a peek at the star.”

“14!” His coach yells his number once, causing Jisung to look over his shoulder to the source of the voice, where his teammates are already beginning to pile onto the bus. The boy in question slings his bag over his shoulder and tucks his soccer ball under his right arm before finally getting a good look at you. “Shouldn’t you be writing something to raise your team’s spirit or something? Giving them support, maybe?”

You shrug. “I don’t like underdogs. Don’t like writing about them. I’d rather read about the heroes. So how long have you been playing soccer again?” 

“Jisung!” Now it’s Chenle calling after him, and he really needs to go. Eyes flickering to the street where his teammates are gesturing for him to hurry, he looks back to you. Your eyebrow is raised expectantly, right hip popped out as you wait. Before he starts to run off, he manages a small, “I’ve been playing eleven years. Um… bye.”

Then he turns away and his long legs carry him to the bus a few meters away. Even so, behind him he can hear your loud, proud voice yelling after him with the name of your high school: “Check the online newspaper! You’ll see my article!”

What a weirdo, he can’t help but think as the team cheers for their star player getting on the bus back home. 

-

A week later, it’s another Saturday night following a victorious win against another team in the local area when Jisung gets a call from Chenle. “What’s up,” he asks immediately, leaning back in his desk chair to throw his soccer ball up in the air and catch it with one hand. 

“Wanna party tonight? Celebrate our win a bit?”

“Where?” asks Jisung. He’d never been big on parties. For one, his long legs that were great for running weren’t exactly skilled in dancing or anything of the like. Secondly, he’d definitely be expected to talk to girls and he’s not really in the mood to make a fool of himself. 

“Taeyong’s house. Me, Mark, Hyuck, and Jaemin are going. Renjun’s busy, and Jeno wants to spend time with his cat. What do you say? Wanna join?” 

Jisung sighs. He was honestly just exhausted. “Think I’ll pass. My sister’s been getting on me about my bio grade.”

Chenle groans on the other line. “Lame.”

“Next time, promise,” says Jisung. 

“Fine. Have fun studying, looooser!” This is the last thing Chenle says before hanging up, leaving his best friend alone to shake his head with a small laugh. Then he remembers something, some words that a stranger had yelled out to him a week before. 

Sitting up at his desk, Jisung opens his laptop and types in the name of your high school, along with your town. A few clicks around the website finds him at the online news section, plus a scroll or two past some questionable articles, there it is: a picture of him mid-kick, the winning one if he remembers well enough. His nose is scrunched in concentration and strands of dark hair cling to his forehead. 

Soccer Superstar from the opposing team steals the show and the win!

A small scoff leaves Jisung’s lips, trying to humble himself as he reads over the first few paragraphs. 

Our school’s boys soccer team faced a devastating loss on Saturday in the face of the opposing team’s ace player (pictured above). The game ended promptly when the superstar player confidently kicked in the final shot, though the result had been clear from the first half of the game. 

A short interview with the hotshot player revealed that he has been playing soccer for eleven years! A senior from Neo Culture Prep, it is clear as day that the school is very lucky to have such a prodigy on the team.

Who is this superstar player, you ask?

His name is Jisung Park. 

Geez, Jisung thinks. He knew he was good but not that good. The article did a good job of spicing him up, making him look like he was a lot better than he really was. There’s too much fluff; sure, he’s skilled and he knows it, but—he touches his cheeks. They’re warm—the article makes him sound like a soccer god, and it’s beyond embarrassing. Who even are you?

A scroll to the bottom of the page tells him all he needs to know.

Article written by: (Name) (Last Name).

-

He doesn’t return to your town for almost two months. There’s a tournament today, the hours lurching between games giving him more than enough time to psych himself out about how he’ll play. 

It’s noon, the sun shining overhead causing a sheet of sweat to amass on Jisung’s forehead. His team has just won their second match of the day, and in waiting for their next game, his eyes are scanning the bleachers set up for observers on the side of the field. It’s not hard to find you, same camera hanging around your neck. 

With his long legs, he jogs over to you towel in hand. You’re not at all focused on him, eyes pressed into the camera’s viewfinder as you attempt to capture a good shot of the current game. 

“I don’t like the stuff you said about me in your article.” 

His deep voice suddenly intrudes your thoughts, and you jump in your place. As you turn to him and drop your camera from your face, he catches sight of the way your eyes widen at his appearance. A flood of recognition replaces the shock before you tilt your head. “Why? It was all good stuff.” 

Patting at his forehead with his towel, Jisung responds, “Yeah, exactly. I’m not that good. I could’ve played better that day.” This brings a small snort from you. “Really! They were narrowing the angle on me, I should have flanked or lofted.”

“I have no idea what that means.”

“It’s—” 

You cut him off before he can explain. “You’re good. Why are you so shy to accept that?”

“Why do you keep trying to paint me as the main character of the team? Everyone works hard together.” He questions, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Because you are,” you respond matter-of-factly, focused enough to press your eye into the viewfinder again. A few seconds pass, and Jisung recognizes the click of the camera as you capture something on the field. “You’re clearly the best player on the team by a long shot. You’re the main character, the hero.”

At your response, Jisung shakes his head in disbelief and scrunches his nose. There’s really no getting through to you. “I’m more than the hero you think I am.”

You turn to him, facial features contorted into a mischievous expression. “I’m sure you are.” Jisung realizes then that you’re holding something out to him. Taking it, he observes it. A… business card? With your name and number on it. “(Name). Aspiring journalist.”

“You have a business card? Aren’t you like, seventeen?” 

You shrug, smile tugging on your lips. “Never hurts to be prepared. Call me.” It’s the last thing you say before you flitter away on quick feet, leaving to interview the team which has just won their match. He watches you leave, wondering if you know what kind of effect you have on people. 

-

“I don’t know, man. She seems kinda crazy,” says Hyuck from the seat next to him, leaning his head back. However, a sudden bump in the road causes the bus to jump, startling the boy a bit. Jisung had just shared his thoughts about asking you out with his friend, who immediately made a face and shook his head. 

“Crazy?” Sure, you’re a bit forward and maybe slightly reckless, but he doesn’t think you’re… crazy. It’s been a few weeks since he last saw you and from the conversations you’ve shared over text and phone… he thinks he likes you. Like, really likes you. It’s goddamn terrifying.

“Yeah, we all saw her article,” Chenle speaks up from the seat behind him. “She’s obsessed with you.” 

Jisung rolls her eyes. “It was one article. That doesn’t mean she’s obsessed.”

“I think you should do it. It’d be funny to get on camera in case you fail,” snorts Renjun.

Jaemin pipes in from in front of them. “But if you do ask her out, she lives three hours away. That’s a lot of distance.” He’s the only one in a relationship, so maybe he has the only opinion that Jisung trusts. 

“Other people have done more distance.”

Now, it’s Jeno’s turn to pipe in. “But you’re not other people, you’re Jisung Park. You’ve never had a girlfriend.” Should he feel insulted? Chenle also adds, “Jeno’s right. You’re a senior! It’s your year, and you wanna spend it tied down to some girl who lives three hours away?” 

But you’re not just some girl. Mark’s the only one who hasn’t spoken, and most of the time, he’s the most level headed. Jisung turns to him with a sincere expression and asks, “What do you think?”

Though he had been trying to stay quiet throughout the conversation, he stretches a bit in his seat before finally saying, “I think you should go for it.”

“I think you should too!” Jaemin says. “But I think you should be prepared for what it means.”

“Whatever you decide to do, we’ll hype you up.”

“I mean, what’s the worst that could happen?” Jisung asks. “If she rejects me, at least she’s three hours away, right?” There’s murmurs of agreement around the seven of them. He tries to sound relaxed, but the thought of asking a girl out for the first time causes his heart to thump loudly in his chest. Oh god… should he do it?

“So?” asks Hyuck after a few seconds of silence, and it’s then that Jisung realizes everyone’s looking at him. “Are you gonna do it?” 

He gulps. “... No idea.”

A collective groan emerges from the group of boys. Hyuck, ever the genius, straightens his back with a glint in his eye. “How about this? If we win, you ask her out. You’ll be riding on a winning spree and it’ll give you confidence. If we lose then… there’s more girls back home.” 

That… doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But oh god, he doesn’t know which option he wants. 

-

For the first time, Jisung feels like his legs are knotting into each other, tumbling over his feet. 

Soccer had always come easily to him, like breathing. But for some unknown reason, he’s totally off his game today. He knows the play, his strengths, and even the weaknesses of his opponents, but he trips over his feet. 

No, that’s a lie. He definitely does know the source of his nervousness, and it lives in the form of a girl with a camera and a notepad sitting in the bottom corner bleacher. His breath is frantic as he zips back and forth across the field. The sounds of the game are ringing loud in his ear, and he can hardly even focus on the black and white ball being kicked around, let alone what the coach is screaming at them. They’re so close, one more goal should do it. 

He knows what’s going to happen. Jisung Park had always been known for his ending kicks.

But what if he messes it up? What if he fumbles the kick or whiffs it? 

Then again, does he even want to win? That’s a dumb quesiton—of course he does—but the question is: is he ready for what comes with the win? He really shouldn’t look, shouldn’t peek for just one look at you, but he does. You’re scribbling in your notepad, and he swears in that millisecond that you look so pretty. 

Yeah, he wants it. He really wants it. 

He’s ready, and—oh god, Sungchan is passing the ball to him. Suddenly Jisung is on high alert, winding up toward the goal. He captures Sungchan’s ball with ease, no longer tripping over himself as he makes his way to the end goal. 

One kick, just nail this one kick. 

He winds up, turning his body to the correct angle; he kicks it and…

Please go in, please go in, he’s begging. 

The ball flies in straight past the goalkeeper, who jumps toward it but there’s no use. It all happens so quickly, and suddenly his team erupts into celebration when the referee blows his whistle. Still standing there, Jisung catches his breath and stares into the goal. 

He won. 

That means… He glances at you. You’re wearing a huge smile on your face, and without noticing it himself, Jisung has his own proud smile on his. His momentary peace is interrupted by his friends running toward him, nearly knocking him over in their celebration. 

“Yeeahhh, Jisung Park, you’re the man!” 

A few minutes later, Jisung tries to calm his nerves after thanking the opposing team for a good game. When he returns to the sidelines where his stuff is, he can barely get some water down his throat before Chenle is pushing a soccer ball into his hand. “Good luck, dude,” he says, and Jisung can feel the others’ eyes on him. Oh no, it’s time. 

He steals a glance at you, and—Oh. You’re looking at him too. A bashful smile spreads over your lips and you turn away, focusing back to your conversation with your friend. His heart is beating so loud, but Jisung doesn’t think it’s because of the soccer game. Turning back to his friends, he groans, “I need a pep talk.”

“Okay, uh,” Mark attempts. “You got this, you know you’re the man. Um… if she rejects you, then it’s okay, there’s other fish in the sea!” A groan erupts through the group. “That’s not a pep talk, Mark!” 

“Listen,” says Chenle suddenly, grabbing Jisung’s shoulders to stare at him. “She’s not gonna reject you. You’re Jisung freaking Park! The star of the team and my best friend! Go get ‘em, and don’t take no for an answer!” With this, he gives Jisung a small push in the girl’s direction.

“Actually, uh—I think no means no,” pipes in Jisung but everyone cuts him off with a collective, “JUST GO!” 

Pink spreads across his cheeks as he slowly walks in your direction. At a good distance away, he places the coveted soccer ball down on the ground and winds himself up for a kick. Okay, he just shot the winning goal of the game. If he can do that, he can do this. Running forward the slightest, Jisung gives himself a silent pep talk as his foot taps the ball. It goes moving from its spot, flying through the air… and that’s when Jisung realizes his mistake. Instead of gently tapping against your ankle like he had planned, the ball flies straight in the air, knocking the side of your head rather harshly. 

“Not that hard, genius!” Chenle chastises from behind him, and Jisung has to hold back the desire to actually groan in that moment. He immediately runs toward you, hands out in surprise. “Oh my god, oh my god, I’m so sorry,” he repeats, reaching out for you. You’re rubbing the spot on the side of your head where the ball had hit, and he wants to disappear right there. 

He never should have done this. 

Why was he born again?

“I’m so sorry,” he says again for the nth time, feeling shame and humiliation speed up his spine at the way you wince when you touch the side of your head. “Oh my god, go get me an ice pack,” he demands over his shoulder at his friends.

“No, no I’m okay,” you reassure everyone. Now all the eyes are on the two of you. 

A few moments of silence pass as you eye the soccer ball which has rolled some distance away, crouching down to pick it up. Ball in hand, you scan the outside of it… and destroying all of Jisung’s hopes and expectations, you burst into laughter.

You laugh so hard, the boisterous sounds leaving your lips so vehemently that you have to cover your mouth with your hand. Jisung furrows his eyebrows. “I just kicked you in the head and you’re laughing?” Oh god, he must have done more damage than he thought. You don’t answer, the only sounds leaving you are giggles and guffaws. It’s only making him feel worse; geez, he wishes he wasn’t so tall so he could positively disappear right now. 

You finally look up at him and meet his gaze, your own eyes crinkled in delight. Flipping the ball over in your hands, you present to him the ball. Written on one of the large white spots reads a firm, “Go out with me?” in black marker.

“This is why you kicked me in the head?” You ask, still chuckling the slightest. Bashfully, Jisung nods. You laugh again. Every time you do that, he feels like getting smaller and smaller. “Of course I’ll go out with you.”

Wait, really?

He says these words aloud, eyes wide at your ease. He hadn’t expected you to actually say yes! “Sure,” you respond with a smile. “Though I could’ve gone without the head injury.” 

This brings a laugh from the both of you. He really had been worrying so much about nothing. His frame instantly relaxes, taking the ball back from you. “You sure you don’t need the ice pack?”

“No, I could definitely use an ice pack.” 

-

The first date happens two weeks after that game, and it’s his first real date so he has no idea how to act. Everything goes fine—he takes you to the local arcade in your town, and though he’d deny it to the ends of the earth, you beat him in foosball. 

“Ha!” You had screamed. “Superstar soccer player Jisung Park, and you can’t beat me in table soccer?” His cheeks had burned pink at the sound of your voice reverberating around the public arcade, but honestly the mirth in your eyes was worth it.

His cheeks are red but the air is cold on the walk home to your house. He had promised to have you home by nine, and it’s—he checks the time on his phone—8:45. 

A look at you, holding the giant stuffed teddy bear that you had won (he hadn’t won it for you, because lord knows he’s horrible at skee-ball), and Jisung can see the air leaving your lips. “Hey, you cold?”

“Nah,” you shake your head, though you scoot closer to him on the sidewalk. His tongue laves over his bottom lip quickly, and he almost wants to hold your hand. But that wouldn’t do much to keep you warm. 

He purses his lips, then immediately his hands are working at taking off his hoodie. That’s a cute thing, isn’t it? Boyfriends giving hoodies to their girlfriends? “Here, take this.”

When you take one look at the hoodie in his hands and roll your eyes, Jisung knows he’s in for it. “Seriously? You can’t fool me with some cheesy rom-com moves,” you laugh.

Ouch.

That hurt his pride. He was just trying to be nice, maybe a tad bit romantic, but you clearly weren’t having it. He should have known you would be so tsundere, and maybe he does.

He knows you act strong, like there is no way on the face of the earth that you would ever swoon for his lame attempts at flirting. But when you reach upward on your tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek before you step into your house, he knows you like it just as much as he does.

-

For the longest time, it’s been just him and his sister Naeun.

His parents passed away shortly after his birth, so they stayed under the custody of their aunt. When his sister became an adult, she became his legal guardian. Since then, it’s been the two of them against the world.

Though kids had sometimes made fun of him for not having a mom or a dad, Jisung never paid those kids much attention. Sure, he didn’t have a dad to teach him how to drive or a mom to attend his parent-teacher conferences, but he had his sister and she was all he’d never need. Naeun gave up everything for him: she didn’t go to college, she traded nights out with her friends to help him with her math homework, she worked two jobs so he could play soccer. She had worked so hard, perhaps sheltered Jisung so much that he had always lived a comfortable life.

It never occurs to him just how much she had struggled until the morning she asks him to get a job. 

She sits across the dining table at breakfast, and over his cereal, Jisung notes how shaken and guilty she looks. There must be something on her mind, but that’s how his sister’s always been; she doesn’t like to worry him, and speaks up when she’s ready. When she finally tells him, he blinks, confused. 

“I can’t pay the bills alone. Not with soccer getting more expensive, and the landlord raising the rent—that bastard,” she mumbles under her breath, surprising Jisung. She hardly cursed. “It’s… It’ll just be for a short time. I promise.” She has tears in her eyes. Jisung furrows his eyebrows; she must feel guiltier about this than he thought. Immediately he nods in understanding. “It’s fine, Noona. Don’t worry about it. I’ll, uh, go out looking this weekend.” 

He takes another spoonful of cereal into his mouth, thinking that the conversation will end there. But it doesn’t, his sister’s quiet voice reaching his ears. “Promise me you’ll go to college, Sung. Promise me you’ll make it. Make it all worth it.”

And it’s in that moment, in the way that his sister’s voice is on the edge of breaking, that it occurs to him just how much his sister has sacrificed for him. How quickly she had to grow up, having become his parent at eighteen, just a few months away from how old he was now. And he was nowhere near as responsible as her. 

He swears in that moment that he’ll uphold his promise. He’ll get a scholarship, he’ll help his sister out. He’ll pay back everything she’s given up for him.

-

Finally, today you’re in town.

It’s the first time you’ve come to visit him in his town, and he’s so excited to show you everything: his school, his favorite ice cream place on the corner of the street from his apartment building, and even the park he grew up kicking soccer balls at. Even after all these years, him and his friends still came here to practice their soccer technique.

Today, the two of you are sitting underneath a tree at said park, his head in your lap. You’re running your hands through his dark hair, and wow, he’d never admit that it feels so good. 

There’s a small laugh heard from you as you comb through his locks. “You should dye your hair.”

“Suddenly?” He asks. “I don’t even know what color I’d dye it.” 

“You should do like, a blue or something. Oh, purple! Purple would be nice!” Your excitement causes him to roll his eyes promptly, sitting up. “I’ll dye my hair purple if you dye your hair purple,” he retorts to you. 

“Maybe I will,” you say, standing onto your feet now that he’s gotten off of you. Wiping the grass from your legs briefly, you nod toward his soccer ball a few feet away. “C’mon, let’s play.”

He raises an eyebrow. “You wanna play soccer.”

“Yeah, is that so surprising?” 

“Um, yeah, a little bit considering the fact that you said it’s boring and that you complain having to get up to go to the fridge at two in the morning,” quips Jisung with a laugh. You only roll your eyes in response. “I never said soccer was boring, I just said it’s only interesting when you play. And you’re gonna teach me right now, so stand up,” you say, extending a hand to him.

He takes your hand, rising to his feet before picking up the ball. “Fine,” he relents, a smirk making its way onto his face. “Try to keep up.”

For fifteen minutes, the two of you race up and down the park’s open grass field, chasing the ball in every direction. He evades you, long legs carrying him and the ball while you chase after him. 

“Wait,” you say mid-sprint, slowing to a stop. Your chest is heaving, and slowly Jisung stops his running also. “You good?” He asks from a few feet away.

“Yeah,” you say breathlessly, reaching a hand up to wipe at your forehead. “Just… gimme a sec.” A minute passes of you catching your breath, but Jisung doesn’t pay it much attention—a person who didn’t play soccer and have trained lungs like him would struggle.

“Okay, okay,” you finally say, shaking your head a bit. “Let’s go again.”

“Are you sure?” He asks, worry seeping into his tone.

“Yeah, yes! Just—just go.”

So he does, beginning to kick the ball down field as he chases after it, stopping past center field to pass the ball to you. You’re racing after him, and though the ball is coming your way, you trip over it, falling straight onto the floor.

Your head hangs low, and he immediately rushes over to you.

“Hey, hey! You okay?” He asks, kneeling down but your eyes are closed. He swipes a hand over your forehead, and it’s that moment when he realizes your eyes are closed. Did you pass out? Had he pushed you too far? “(Name)?” 

No response. Oh god, what is he supposed to do?

Is he supposed to check if you’re breathing? Where can he check for a pulse again? In his moment of inadequacy, he pulls out his phone and calls his sister.

She’ll know what to do, but it pains him that he doesn’t.

His sister arrives quickly, and immediately takes you to the hospital. According to her, you do have a pulse and you probably just had heat exhaustion. He sure hopes so… 

For a few hours he sits in the waiting room as he awaits the arrival of your parents. They rushed over from your town, four hours away, and this definitely was not the impression he wanted to have on them. Head in his hands, he can’t help but worry about you.

You do wake up, eventually but he can’t see you until your parents arrive.

They take you back home. You’re walking and talking again, but as you shoot him a weak smile from over your shoulder, walking down the hall and out of the hospital, Jisung can’t help but feel that something has gone terribly wrong. 

-

He swears he’s never been so tired. 

Working at McDonald’s isn’t horrible, per se, it’s just different. But it definitely takes more out of him than soccer ever did. The second he walks into his room Jisung drops his backpack on the bean bag next to the door and almost collapses on his bed. Throwing his work cap on the floor, he runs a hand through his hair and pulls out his phone.

The best thing about coming home from work, is coming home to you.

He immediately fishes for his phone from his pocket and opens it to speed dial. Pressing on your contact, Jisung presses the phone to his ear and waits for his girlfriend’s voice on the other end. The line picks up.

“Hey,” he says, a smile spreading over his lips without him even knowing. 

“Hi…” 

Something’s wrong. Your voice is missing its signature excitement, the snarkiness he had grown accustomed to. He sits up in bed, eyebrows furrowed. “Is everything okay?” 

Yes, you’re supposed to say. Everything’s fine. Everything’s just peachy.

But you don’t. “I got a call from the hospital.”

After you had fainted the other day playing soccer with him, the hospital had run a few tests to make sure you were okay. He knew this, you both did. They were supposed to say that you had been dehydrated, that you hadn’t eaten in a few hours. “I haven’t been completely honest with you, Jisung…” 

“What, what is it?” 

There’s a momentary silence on the other side, then a shaky breath. “When I was ten… I got really sick. I was always having nosebleeds, always tired—some days I didn’t even want to get out of bed. They took me to the doctor and they told me that… I had leukemia.”

Jisung releases a heavy breath, staring into his sheets. No… don’t say it.

“I fought it for two years, and I beat it. God, it was… it was really hard, and I got through it. It’s been five years now but—but the hospital called and…” Please, no. “My cancer came back.”

Jisung’s never felt this way before; like all the air in his lungs have been pulled from his chest, lost to the universe. Not even when he sprinted across the soccer field, not even when he had gotten punched in the chest. All those times, his chest burned with fire, be it anger or passion. But now… his chest feels empty and hollow and numb. He manages to spit out a few words. 

It’s not supposed to be like this. You’re supposed to be okay, you’re supposed to go to prom together. Graduate. He’s supposed to get a soccer scholarship, you’re supposed to study journalism at the same school, and the long distance would cease to exist. You were supposed to be happy. “But it’s gonna be okay, right? You’ve fought it before, you can do it again.” Perhaps it was a bit selfish of him to ask for consolation when you were the one with the illness. But you were a journalist, never a liar. Your voice is weak, like you’ve already given up.

“I don’t know.”

-

“What’s up with you?” Chenle’s voice is almost worried, but Jisung wouldn’t be able to tell because his eyes are focused on the ground. He’s been kicking a soccer ball around with Chenle and Mark for a while now, but there’s clearly something very off about the teenager today.

“Yeah, is something wrong?” Mark asks.

Jisung blows some air into his cheeks. Should he tell them? It’s your private information but technically, you’re his girlfriend right? The news has been troubling him for a few days now, and he’s had no one to talk to. Surely, he can’t talk to his sister about it. 

He should just spit it out. “(Name) has cancer.”

It’s like the world stops, his friends taking in his words. “W-What? What did you just say?” Chenle speaks first, then Mark quickly follows. “Did you say (Name) has cancer?”

Keeping his gaze on the ground, Jisung nods and gives the ball a small kick in Mark’s direction. “Yeah. She had leukemia when she was younger, and… the other day she went to the hospital and they said that it came back. Her cancer came back.” When he looks up, both his friends are looking at him with genuine concern etched across their faces. 

“Seriously? Cancer? And you’re still dating her?” Mark asks, causing Jisung to raise an eyebrow in confusion. Did he just insinuate what he thinks he did?

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” 

Chenle speaks up next, trying to defuse the sudden tension. “Jisung, you guys have only been dating like, a couple months. It was just like yesterday that you kicked her in the head asking her out!” 

“And?” Jisung asks pointedly. Suddenly he’s in front of Chenle, and though he technically towers over the latter in height, Chenle’s chest is straight as he makes his point.

“Is it really worth it to stay on a sinking ship?”

Jisung’s voice reaches a new level of low, erupting from a place deep inside of him that he’s hidden away. It’s a place of rage, of anger sizzling and bubbling in his stomach. Suddenly they’re both chest to chest, unwilling to back down. “Now, I know you’re not talking about my girlfriend.” 

“Hey, hey, hey!” Mark interrupts, hands coming between them to tear the two boys apart. “Calm down. Both of you.”

“He started it,” accuses Jisung quickly, dark eyebrows furrowed in frustration. “My girlfriend is not a sinking ship. Neither is my relationship, and I don’t need you to comment on it.” He looks to Mark for guidance. Mark had always been the most logical one, the one he would look to for help, and though he thinks that Mark will agree with him, he almost looks guilty.

“But it’s true, Jisung. We’re worried about you. She’s just a girl. Is she really worth hurting yourself over?” He had trusted Mark to be on his side, but now Jisung just releases a scoff. He had been hoping for his friends’ support, but it seems like he’ll be going through this alone, then.

-

You’ve been avoiding him.

Of course, there’s not much that can be done to avoid him when you live hours away from each other. But you haven’t been responding to his texts, and when you do, they’re mostly short and taut. You’ve been cutting your phone calls short, often saying that you’re tired. Maybe you really are, but it hurts hearing the line cut off, not knowing how you’re really feeling.

Jisung can’t help but feel like he’s failing. He should be doing better.

It’s like your relationship is an hourglass, running out of time with every day that he spends going to school, work, or soccer practice. Like you’re getting further and further away with each short text message.

His entire life has been spent running. Speeding forward center field like a lightning bolt, long legs carrying him far ahead everyone else. But for the first time, Jisung feels like he’s falling behind.

-

It only takes a three hour bus ride (four, with the added stops) but in Jisung’s mind, it’s all worth it. It won’t be the first time he’s gone over to your house, but it is indeed the first he’s ever showed up unannounced, which is a strange appearance given that he lives three hours away. But with everything happening, he’s willing to give up the day and six hours worth of travel for you.

Sitting on the bus, he pulls out his phone. It’s early, like nine in the morning, but he knows you have a doctor’s appointment in a few hours so you’re definitely awake. He presses the facetime button, but you quickly reject his call. His eyebrows furrow, but lighten with an incoming text from you.

[ message from : (Name) ♡ ] : jisung, i’m using the bathroom rn. call you back in a bit.

He nearly rolls his eyes, but it’s a sweet one. You’re always so candid.

[ message to : (Name) ♡ ] : you act like you’ve never facetimed me on the toilet before.

[ message from : (Name) ♡ ] : wow, call me out more why don’t you

[ message to : (Name) ♡ ] : pick up my call, brat ♡

[ message from : (Name) ♡ ] : no, You pick up My call :p

Seconds later, his phone is lit up with an incoming facetime screen. A laugh almost leaves him at your tenacity before accepting the call.

The call opens up to the visual of his girlfriend, you in your PJs fixing the phone up against the mirror in the bathroom. He sees himself reflected in the mini screen, hoodie on and earbuds in wearing a boyish grin. “Hey pretty girl. Make sure you wash your hands.”

You roll your eyes at his remarks. “Hey ugly boy. I’m already doing that. What are you doing?”

“Just making sure, because I don’t think you brushed your teeth after you fell asleep on call the other night,” he teases, clicking his tongue as you’re the only person he can tease so easily. “I’m on the bus to practice.” A lie, but a white one at that. “What are you up to?”

You wack your still dry toothbrush in front of the camera, nose scrunching up in the slightest. It’s a habit of his that you’ve picked up. “I’m also doing that right now.” You wet the brush, putting some toothpaste on it. “I thought you didn’t have practice this Friday? Or was that next Friday?”

Your actions bring a low laugh to his lips, and his eyes momentarily focus on the passing landscape outside the bus window as he’s now three hours out of his normal perimeter. “Uh, Coach wanted to add in a practice today. Don’t you have a doctor’s appointment today?”

You nod at his answer, toothbrush in mouth. “I do, I think it’s like, in a hour or something.”

“Oh, okay,” he replies simply as the bus comes to a stop, your house only a short walk away. He stands, gathering his bag. “Gotta go, but I’ll talk to you in a bit, pumpkin honeysuckle,” he snorts, making his way to the front of the bus. 

Your brows furrow as you give him a disapproving look through the screen, shaking your head slightly before moving to rinse your mouth. “Talk to you soon, don’t get hurt at practice or I’ll fight you.”

He scoffs as he steps out of the bus, into your neighborhood. “Like you could take me. Later.” You probably could, given your determination, but he gives you a nose scrunch before ending the call. He’s only taken a few steps when his phone rings with a text message.

[ message from : (Name) ♡ ] : you and i both know i could take you :)

A snort leaves him. Classic (Name).

When he arrives a few minutes later, he hesitates at the door, only praying that the person who opens up is you, not your parents or god forbid, your brother. It only takes a few hard knocks before he hears your voice on the other side, determined to see just who the hell had the nerve to interrupt your laziness this early in the morning. “Who the fu—”

He tsk’s in distaste. He shouldn’t have been surprised that the first words to leave his girlfriend’s mouth are cuss words. “You potty mouth. I thought you’d be happy to see me,” he says, opening his arms.

Jisung’s not quite sure what he expected. For you to jump in his arms? What a delusional boy. You blink for a few seconds, then suddenly you’re throwing yourself at him, fist first to land a deserved punch to his arm. “I thought you had practice? What are you doing here and why do you look so much cuter than when I last saw you?” 

“Well, I lied,” he snickers, patting your head. “I’m here to annoy you, obviously. But you look too. For a—” A person dying of cancer, but he can’t say it. He won’t. “—person who barely got up twenty minutes ago.”

Your hand immediately begins rubbing the spot that your fist landed, worried that it might actually bruise in a bit. Jisung asks, “So are you gonna invite me in, or?”

“What are you, a vampire or something? I’m pretty sure you weren’t given permission when you entered my heart so just come in and cuddle me before my appointment.” 

Your response catches him off guard so he blinks before entering in silently, sticking his hands back into the loose fitting pocket of his hoodie. Even after six months, he’s still not used to you saying those kinds of things. Hell, he still gets sweaty holding your hand.

“Hey Mom! Dad!” You’re grabbing onto his arm, tugging him into the kitchen. “Jisung’s here!”

-

After a small breakfast and conversation with your parents, he’s given the permission to go with you to your doctor’s appointment. The two of you take the bus, hands interlaced as you sit, and Jisung smiles awkwardly when an elderly woman compliments the two of you, calling you a cute couple. 

He’s never really been in a hospital before. 

For an arduous soccer player, he’s lucky enough to never have suffered a pain great enough to warrant a visit to the hospital, nor had he ever been sickly enough to send him there. It’s for that reason that he feels slightly out of place, tucked in his hoodie whilst trying his best not to gaze at the others in the waiting room. Instead, he tries to keep his gaze focused upon his girlfriend as you remain bright despite their surroundings. Your hands intertwined, he feels a comfortable warmth seeping into his veins, gold in color and feeling. Gold like the ring on your finger, and like your heart. 

He’s so lucky to have you.

“I don’t really have anything planned,” he says softly, giving your hand a slight squeeze. It’s true that your itinerary is next to nonexistent for this impromptu date, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. If anything, a hospital is a strange starting destination for a date but your relationship is a bit strange. Quietly, he says to you, voice low in the hopes that no one overhears, “Don’t hospitals scare you?”

He knows that you spent a good portion of your time here; surely you must have grown accustomed to it, but Jisung was not. Hospitals were cold… white and bleak and much too quiet.

“Nah, not really,” you answer with a shake of your head. “Except for all the souls wandering around.”

Jisung blinks. “Souls?” He gulps.

“Yup. The souls of the passing.” You click your tongue, along with a wink in his direction now that you’ve successfully managed to creep him out. Do you ever stop making jokes?

The door to the waiting room opens and a medical assistant calls your name. “Hey, I’ll be right back,” you tell him, standing and releasing his arm. He gives a hesitant nod, watching as you leave through the door and disappear down the hall. 

When you emerge, some forty-five minutes later, the mirth is gone from your eyes.

He knows right away: you didn’t get good news. His heart is pumping in his chest, like he’s waiting for you to collapse right there. Years could pass, and Jisung swears he’d never be able to erase that memory of you. “Are you—” Okay, he wants to ask. But you just give him a small smile and shake your head. It’s not the time. He cuts himself short, reaching a hand out to you with a small, albeit forced, smile. “Let’s go on our date.”

-

It’s a long afternoon, spent in the arcade where you had had your first date—this time, for memory’s sake, he gets another ring from the claw machine—then McDonald’s and ice cream. He treats you to lunch, courtesy of his employee discount, and the entire day is filled with laughter and mutual teasing. Everything feels like it’s okay again. 

Jisung enjoys these moments the most.

The moments where he doesn’t feel like he has to be anybody: not the star soccer player, not the kind understanding younger brother, or a kid trying to look grown up at an adult party. With him he’s just you, awkwardness and quirks altogether. You’ve never hid yourself from him, and now he doesn’t have to hide himself either.

Now that the day is touching evening, the two of you sit at a park, relaxing mindlessly on the swings next to each other. Now that the romantic buzz is gone, the two of you have fallen into a comfortable silence.

“Thanks for coming this far, Ji. This was… nice.”

A small smile spreads over his lips. “It was nothing. I wanted to do it for a long time.”

“No, really,” you say, turning to him with a thankful smile. Your eyes are serious now, and Jisung feels the sunlight seep into his skin. “I really missed you.”

He doesn’t say anything for a moment. This moment feels heavy, like he’ll remember it for years to come. “... I missed you too. A lot.” You both turn back to face the sunset, watching the sun fade behind a hill. It’s setting, streaks of gentle reds and soft-spoken oranges staining the empyrean firmament. It’s then that Jisung feels his heart begin to sink, like the sun, into the pit of his stomach.

“Are you scared?”

A moment passes without you saying anything, then you speak up beside him. “Not really. I mean, it’s just the hospital. The only thing that’ll suck is not being able to leave. I never thought I’d say it but, I’m really gonna miss going to school.”

Did you think you were never going to return? “Are your chances good?”

The implications from earlier at the hospital return. What are the chances that things aren’t looking up? “They say so,” you breath out.

That’s not good enough. Anything could happen. Jisung needs clarification, confirmation. He doesn’t want to lose you. “What if you—”

“I might.”

A beat of silence.

Jisung feels like crying. It gathers in the back of his throat. “What would I do without you?”

There it is: the implication that you’ll be gone. That one day, Jisung will have to wake up and face a world without you in it, a world with less happiness and less passion. A world where there isn’t someone who will call him ugly when really they think he’s the cutest to walk to the earth, or where there isn’t someone to make fun of him the way you do. A world with less love. 

Your voice is dry as you speak. 

“You’d move on.”

“I don’t know if I’d ever love anyone like you,” he finds himself saying. 

“L-Love?” You suddenly say, voice the smallest he’s ever heard. You’ve always had the loudest voice, most prominent in his brain, but his words seem to have caught you off guard. “Do you? Love me?” 

He doesn’t know what love feels like. He’s just a teenager, what is he supposed to know about love? About loss? Is it all-consuming, like in the movies? Is it meant to hurt? “... I think I do. I think I love you.”

There’s a sniffle next to him, and he turns immediately, alarmed that he may have made you cry. There are tears in your eyes, but they don’t fall. Being a writer, you talk too much. Your words are eloquent and true, though sometimes Jisung has a hard time getting you to stop talking. But this time, you choose to abandon words altogether, instead leaving your swing to stand in front of him. Compelled by nature, he stands too. Instead of speaking, you reach upward on your tiptoes once more. Except this time, you kiss him. 

Your lips meet, and everything is golden.

And against the backdrop of the setting sun, it feels like the closing scene of Jisung’s very own romance movie. But this isn’t the end, he knows.

-

When he walks you home, he offers his sweater again. 

This time not out of obligation or the desire to appear more romantic than he is, but because you’re cold. Really cold. You’re shivering, arms wrapped around yourself not giving enough warmth.

“Here,” Jisung says, already beginning to take off his hoodie, but you stop him with a hand and a pointed look, though your chattering teeth cause you to stutter. “S-Still trying to woo me with cheap rom-com tricks?”

You’re stubborn. You’re so stubborn and he hates it.

“Just take it,” he says, pushing it into your arms. 

“No,” you argue. “You have a three hour ride home, it’s late and you’ll be cold.”

It’s obvious your illness has made you even more sensitive to the cold, and for that reason, Jisung’s fine facing the biting cold as long as you’re okay. “You’re freezing, please just take it.”

“Jisung, I said no.” Your voice is stern now, and he gets the feeling that he’s upset you. He gives up, gnawing on his bottom lip in deep thought. He just wants to make you feel better, doing what he thinks will help but with you, it never does. You’re so independent, too much so and much too stubborn to admit you need his help… “Fine,” he says before putting his hoodie back on. If you won’t take his warmth, then he’ll give it to you. 

He lifts his arm, placing it fully around your shoulders and pulling you to him so your bodies meet. “At least let me hold you,” he mumbles. Your frame freezes in his for a moment, until you wrap your arms around the circumference of his chest. 

Burying your face into his side, you relent into him. “Okay, fine.”

And later, he finds that you’re right. When he sits alone on the dimly lit train, he realizes that the warmth he had been feeling earlier, bathing in the sun’s rays with your lips, is long gone. All he feels now, is cold.

-

“You skipped practice the other day.” Jisung looks up from where he had been sitting on the bleachers, tying his shoes after practice. It had been a tough practice; he had missed quite a few passes and whiffed more than just a couple shots. He can only blame himself. He’s been distracted; alongside his worries about you, he also has a job to attend to and even more, the results for his dream school’s soccer scholarship is supposed to come out soon. His gaze falls on all six of his closest friends, looking down at him. 

“Yeah, something came up,” he says easily.

“More like, someone,” retorts Donghyuck easily. “We know you ditched to go see your girlfriend.”

“And what about it?”

“I don’t know what’s happened to you, man. You never want to play ball with us anymore, you don’t want to hang out with us. Whenever you invite you to a party, you raincheck. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore,” Chenle spits out, arms crossed over his chest.

“Chenle,” says Renjun carefully.

“No,” interrupts the boy in question. Chenle looks straight at Jisung, who stands now to meet the others’ heights. “He needs to hear this. Ever since that girl came around, it’s like you’ve lost your way. You used to be all about soccer and friendship. Now you always have her on your mind, and—did you see the way you played earlier?—she’s messing you up. Your head’s not on straight.”

“Chenle, stop.” Donghyuck speaks up now, voice low as he tries to stop the younger from going off. “You’re not the same Jisung I met in peewee camp, and I don’t know if I like who I’m seeing,” Chenle finishes. 

That’s enough for him. His voice comes out before he can stop it.

“You know why I never party with you anymore?” Jisung suddenly says, voice booming and clearly at his limit. “Because I’ve always hated partying. Because I have a job now, and because I don’t want my sister to stay up worrying about me while I’m getting piss drunk. I hate drinking, I hate trying to look cool while actually looking fucking stupid, because I don’t know how I can even think about partying when my girlfriend is fucking dying.” 

A hearty scoff leaves his lips, as though he can’t even fathom the words he’s faced today. “You don’t even know me anymore? That’s where you’re wrong, because you never knew me. Not all of me. You only see me as the star player who’s gonna get you your win. She knows me, she knows all of me, and she doesn’t try to change me. Well, sorry that I’m not the same kid you met years ago who let everyone walk all over him. I thought you guys were my friends, but clearly you only want me around for as long as I can play.”

Those are the last fiery words to leave Jisung’s mouth before he turns on his heels, storming off the field and away from everyone else. He just needs to get out of here, away from everything before he ruins it. Mark and Hyuck follow after him, while Jeno and the rest hold Chenle back. 

“Don’t listen to him,” Mark says, ever level headed. “We know what you’re going through.”

Though he appreciates their concern, Jisung spits, “No, you don’t.”

Both of them stop walking, no longer chasing after him as Jisung pulls out his phone. 

A new email.

He immediately opens it, eyes glazing over the text.

Dear Jisung Park,

Thank you for applying to our university’s soccer scholarship. We reviewed every application with our utmost dedication and attention. Unfortunately, we regret to inform you that we cannot accept your application at this time. Our soccer program is one of the most competitive at this school, however we encourage you to reapp… 

What a load of shit. 

-

The past few weeks have been horrid. 

Soccer is as tense as ever, though Jisung would be lying if he said that his fight with Chenle didn’t fuel him to work even harder during practice. His job sucks, especially after someone spilled a bucket of old oil on him (it was cold, thank goodness but still gross nonetheless). So far he’s gotten another rejection. Who knew that getting into college would be this hard?

He wishes that he could say his relationship with you is the saving grace, but it’s really not. You’re in the hospital now, and the two of you have been talking less and less. Even now with his feud between his friends, he feels even more alone. Today when he calls, you sound even more tired than usual. 

“Hey, chocolate honeycomb bunny,” Jisung says, giving his absolute worst at giving a cringe-worthy nickname. It seems you’re too tired to even give a repulsed response. 

“Hey.” You’re quiet for a moment, only your breathing heard across the line. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” sighs Jisung, running a hand through his dark locks. “Just exhausted. My coworker is getting on my last nerve.”

“The same one you talked about last week?”

“Who spilled the dirty oil on me? Yeah,” he responds with a roll of his eyes. “We’ve both been working the same amount of time, I just want to know why he’s so slow to pick it up.”

It’s characteristic of you to agree, seeing as complaining is one of your favorite past times. But you don’t, voice only coming out softly across the call, “Maybe just give him some time.” 

“Yeah, I don’t know,” he sighs. “How about you? Are you feeling better?”

“About the same,” you respond truthfully. God, you sound so tired. He almost feels bad for making you talk to him when you clearly sound exhausted. “Any more results?” You ask, regarding his college acceptances.

“No,” he shakes his head. He doesn’t understand. He’s a good student, he’s done community service. Just what more do they want from him? “You said I was special, but I don’t think the colleges see that.” 

He can almost see your small smile in his mind. “You are special. Just ‘cause they don’t see it doesn’t you aren’t.”

“Eh, I don’t know,” Jisung says, playing with a loose thread on his bedsheet. 

What you say next catches him off guard. “Maybe we can both be college-less, together.”

“What?” He asks, brows tightening in confusion. “Didn’t you get into the journalism program at that one university?” He’s caught you. You’re silent on the line for a few long seconds, but the quiet is deafening for him.

“I did, but Jisung, I…” You hesitate. “I’m not going.”

“What do you mean you’re not going?” He asks.

“I… I don’t know if I want to.” In a small voice, you continue, “I don’t know that I’ll make it that long.” What are you saying? What are you implying? Heart racing, Jisung tries to decipher these words in his mind. To him, it just sounds like the end.

“You’re giving up already, I hear it in your voice.”

“I’m not,” you say, a broken promise. “I just… want to be prepared for the worst.”

“The worst isn’t coming. You’re going to get through this. You’re going to beat it. I know you are.” It becomes blatantly clear in this moment that the person Jisung is trying to convince, is himself. 

His pleas fall upon deaf ears, because you argue back in what seems like the strongest voice you’ve made in months. As though you’ve amassed all your remaining energy for this conversation. “I’m not a hero, Jisung. I’m not cut out for this. The doctors said it’s not looking good.” 

“Then prove them wrong. You’re gonna beat it.” 

“I don’t want to be the underdog either, Ji. You know I hate them.” What you say next has his blood boiling. “I don’t deserve it anyways, no one would want me to come back.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jisung raises his voice now, volume growing with each word.

“No one likes me,” you spit out across the line, and he doesn’t need to see you to imagine how incensed you are at the moment. “I’m rude, I’m loud, I cross boundaries and I say things that hurt without caring about who it touches. And before you yell at me that no one thinks of me like that, these are things I’ve heard from other people.” Your voice breaks, as does Jisung’s heart. “If this were a movie, no one would root for me to survive.” 

“I do,” Jisung says, voice strong. “I’m rooting for you. Every. Single. Day. And who cares about how other people see you? You’re rude? You’re crass? I like you because of those things, because you’re different from me. Am I not enough?”

“You’re different,” you relent, voice tired. “You’re the only one who matters. But I—“ You choke up. “I’m just tired of fighting. I don’t want to go to sleep every night not knowing if I’ll wake up the next morning. I want to be strong, and I want to face every day knowing that it could be my last… I don’t want to leave anything behind—”

“You’re not leaving,” he cuts in.

“—and I can’t go through every day letting you think that everything is okay, because they’re not. But I’m ready to let go, Ji. Because I’m happy with what I had, with what we had, and I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

Tears are falling down his cheeks now, suiciding off the surface of his face and staining his bed sheets. He doesn’t know if the tears are the result of sadness, anger, or the pain of loving someone the universe would never let him have, yet it hurts all the same. “But I love you! I told you that I loved you.”

“I love you too,” you cry, and the sound is heartbreaking. “But I just wish that were enough.”

A pregnant silence consumes both of you. All that can be heard is the sound of your mutual crying, along with your breathing that Jisung had learned to fall asleep to. When you speak again, your voice is steady. You had always been the stronger one. “I don’t think you should call anymore.” A few sniffles. He can’t even speak. “Goodbye, Jisung.”

Then the line dies.

-

It’s Christmastime. He knows it’s cold, probably even colder in the hospital where you are.

Now, Jisung knows you don’t want anything from him. You don’t want him around. In the past weeks he must have become someone even he wouldn’t want around. And though he gets the feeling that you’ll never need him again, he figures you could use a sweater. It’s nothing much, and really he thinks it could be better. 

A hoodie, not fit to your size but slightly larger because he knew you well enough to know you’d like it like that. On one sleeve, near the wrist, a patch of a soccer ball. He had learned how to sew it on himself. On the other, his initials. JS.

He sends it in the mail, in a box to the hospital with your name and room number on it. There’s no letter, nothing. Just his bare soul in the form of an oversized cotton hoodie. He’d send it himself, appearing at the door to your hospital bed, but something tells him he’s run out of things to say.

-

His phone rings at three in the morning. 

He knows what it means.

February 2nd, at 2:39AM. The world lost you. 

It would never be the same again, and neither would he.

-

Grief is an interesting thing, someone once told him. 

He doesn’t quite remember who it was, whether it was his sister comforting him after the death of their goldfish, the guidance counselor at his school giving him a required appointment after the passing of a student, or yourself. But as the hours go by, it feels more and more like a weight in his chest that has been sitting on a hollowed place in his heart. 

Grief is indescribable, and Jisung doesn’t know if this is because his limited seventeen year old vocabulary hasn’t collected enough fitting words to even begin to verbalize his emotions, or if because it really is indescribable. 

The first few days had been hell. 

He had almost become someone that he didn’t know, barely stepping out of bed and perhaps worrying his sister out of her mind. It was his way of ignoring the world, dissociating himself from the irrefutable truth that you weren’t really gone. You were still laying in bed, three hours away as usual, struggling but still fighting. If he could lay in bed, sleeping the days away and ignoring his text message condolences from his friends, he could pretend for some time that things were the way they were, eight months ago. 

Eight months before it.

Eight months before he lost you. Before your relationship, a burgeoning dandelion in the nook of spring. But dandelions represent rebirth, the reappearance of hope like a beacon after an arduous winter, and you would never have another spring. 

He could not pretend, because every morning the sun rose again, and he would have to reach his head out from the burrow of blankets he had buried himself in. He would need to face it for himself that he woke up, and you didn’t. His friends texted. His sister knocked on his door and begged him to eat, even going as far as to cook his favorite foods as a means to lure him from the darkness of his corner. He ate. But it was never the same. 

Messy bedheads, earbuds tucked in with muzak playing gently like the thrum of his heart which beat enough for the both of you, tear-stained pillow cases, knees to the chest, light failing to shine in through the blinds which remained closed, counting the seconds between each breath, dreaming insubordinate dreams. 

The first few days went like that. Empty.

Then he was angry.

Angry because the world had given him a love worth changing for, then ripped it from his inexperienced hands. He had never had anything in his life! Not a mother, not a father. Could he not have this one lily, this flower which sought to remind him of the fragility of life? And even more so, he was angry for you. You were a fire—you were a bottle of passion bursting at the seams, a well of untapped potential, a boldness which no one else could emulate—and the universe crushed you beneath its foot. 

And suddenly, the emptiness of your hollow space reflected upon him.

He should have been better, should have done more. A soccer ball proposition? A sweater? It was laughable; that was the least he could give? If only he had called, if only he hadn’t listened to you like the meek child he was, things could be better. 

And above all, he was sad. 

What would he do without you?

Moving on seemed useless. A light at the end of a dark tunnel which stretched for ages. An epiphany that you would never reach. 

He just hoped that it was not cold. That you left the world in a ball of light, surrounded in the warmth of family and love, not the rigidness of the unforgiving world. Perhaps it was selfish of him, but he hoped that the soccer ball sleeve had been clutched to your chest, and that his hoodie could have provided just a little bit of that warmth. 

-

The walking pattern outside his bedroom door is different from his sister’s. So is the knock on the door; his older sister’s is much more quiet, reserved, as though she was afraid to wake him. This one is harsh, and it reverberates through the room before the door opens.

The air in the room is still for a moment.

“Jisung.” 

It’s Chenle. And Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Donghyuck, as well as Jaemin. They all take their seats either on the end of his bed, the floor, or his beanbag, but Jisung doesn’t move from his place underneath the blankets. 

“What do you want?” He manages to groan out in a small voice.

Someone places a hand on his leg, a comforting gesture. He thinks it’s Jaemin from the gentle touch. “We’re here for you.”

Donghyuck comments, “You haven’t been to practice this week.” Of course that would be what they would mention first. Jisung scoffs. “I’m kind of going through something.”

“And we’re here.” Mark’s voice.

“We wanted to apologize.” Chenle speaks now, and despite being best friends since they were five, he’s the last person Jisung expected to say sorry. In their decade-long friendship, Chenle was the confident one, the one who charged forward without consequence while Jisung trailed behind, cleaning up his mess. “We’ve been… assholes, simply put.” Had he been in higher spirits, Jisung would have snorted. “We thought we understood what you were going through, and we thought it was dumb. To let yourself get hurt over some random girl… but we were wrong. We didn’t understand your point of view.”

“Not even a little bit,” says Donghyuck, head hanging low. 

“Yeah, we’re supposed to be your friends. Your team! We’re supposed to lift you up when you’re down and… well, we haven’t been doing that. And we’re sorry. I’m sorry.” Chenle says. Slowly, Jisung lifts his head from below the blanket to face his friends. They all wear a variety of expressions, all somber. “And we know now… she’s not just some random girl.”

Yeah, they’ve all been assholes, some more than others, and Jisung can’t exactly say that they were any help in his struggle. But perhaps this was something he needed to go through alone. At the time, he needed you. But now… he just really needs his best friends. 

Tears sting at his eyes for the nth time. 

“Come here, you crybaby,” says Jaemin, opening his arms.

-

It’s Monday, meaning he has to go back to school today. He’s not ready, how could he be? It hasn’t even been a week since you… left, but he knows he has to go back. His sister, God bless her, had let him take the first few days off but now that the weekend has ended and school has rolled back around, he has no choice.

“You look like shit.”

Donghyuck has always lacked a filter. It would hurt if Jisung didn’t know that Donghyuck meant that in the best way possible. You look like shit, he says. So I’m glad you found it in you to come to school, is what he doesn’t say. 

Jisung closes his locker with a sigh. “Thanks.” 

“No problem,” snickers his friend, and Jisung turns his head to find Mark and Jaemin approaching. “Morning,” greets Jaemin as he taps the top of Jisung’s head, despite being shorter.

“Hi,” responds Jisung quietly, clutching his chemistry textbook to his chest. The three of them look at him with quiet and somber eyes, but don’t say anything. Mark places a comforting hand on his shoulder, giving it a small rub.

“You got this.” 

The truth is, he can’t do this. The world feels quiet and empty, lacking a particular passion that you used to always embody. It could be worse. Thank goodness your relationship was rather private; he doesn’t know how he’d be able to function at school had there been curious eyes on him, if you had gone to the same school as him. 

The day goes rather slowly, and Jisung busies himself with catching up on his work that he had missed. He could almost pretend like things are normal. It’s not until fifth period calculus that something strange happens. 

An office TA pokes her head in and scrambles over to the teacher, who was in the midst of a very enthralling lecture on integrals that Jisung was definitely not paying great attention to. The TA whispers something into the teacher’s ear, then hands her a piece of paper. Mrs. Huang nods, then suddenly Jisung finds her eyes on him. “Jisung, Mr. Moon wants you in his office.” 

Him? Why him of all people?

Mr. Moon is the guidance counselor at their school, and Jisung has a moment of internal panic—had he somehow found out about you? Should he prepare himself for a lecture about grief and moving on? 

With a gulp, he nods. 

Mr. Moon is a fairly nice man, with a friendly smile and a reputation for being a pushover teacher. Jisung had met with him a few months ago to discuss his desire to pursue a soccer scholarship but he highly doubts that’s the case now.

When Jisung enters Mr. Moon’s office, the first thing he sees isn’t Mr. Moon but a tall man with a stoic expression standing behind his desk. In contrast to the stranger, Mr. Moon wears his trademark smile. “Jisung, good to see you. Still getting a kick out of that old ball?” 

Of course, Mr. Moon doesn’t know that Jisung skipped practice all last week to mope in his bed, but Jisung nods politely. “Yes, sir.”

“Good,” responds the teacher with a smile. “Take a seat.”

He gestures to the chair in front of his desk, and cautiously does Jisung take a seat. The tall, bruff man is still standing there with his arms crossed over his chest, having not yet said a single word. Somehow the atmosphere is tense, and Jisung’s quite sure he knows what this is about. 

“Now, Jisung, I’ve called you in today because—”

“Is this about (Name)?” Perhaps it’s a bit rude of him, but Jisung doesn’t want to be prodded at, at least not by people who think they know him. The last thing he wants is pity. 

Mr. Moon’s eyebrow raises just the slightest, and he leans forward on his desk. “Why, yes, it is. How did you know?”

A scoff leaves Jisung’s lips, but it’s much weaker than he would like. “My question is, how did you know? Who told you?” Who was it that shared information on his personal life? Was it his sister? His friends? 

“Nobody had to tell me, Jisung. (Name) sent the letter to me herself.”

Wait… what? 

Jisung blinks, hands falling slack on his lap. “W-What? What letter?”

Perhaps his staring is a bit too obvious, for Mr. Moon gestures to the stranger in question with a hand. “Jisung, this is Johnny Seo.” Finally, the intimidating stranger has a name. “Johnny is the head coach of the soccer team at Greenwood University—” Wait, Greenwood University? That’s Jisung’s dream school—well, it was his dream school, until they rejected his application for a soccer scholarship. What would they want to do with him? “—and he wants to offer you a full-ride scholarship.”

What? 

Jisung’s mouth falls open. What? What the hell? Hadn’t they just rejected him three months ago? His eyes must be bugging out of his face, so he blinks repeatedly, trying to find the words to say. 

“W-Wait, what? A… A full ride?” He stammers, unable to find his tongue.

The man named Johnny only nods. “Full ride. Covered tuition, dorming, and soccer costs. All you have to do is keep your grades up and keep scoring those fancy goals of yours I’ve heard about.”

“But—But, you rejected me… why now?” 

For the first time, Johnny gives a small smile. “Because of the letter.” There it is, that letter again that Jisung has no idea about. He looks to Mr. Moon for guidance. All the counselor does is open his desk drawer and pull out an envelope, which he slides across his desk. “(Name) (Last Name) wrote a recommendation letter to the university, and honestly, it was stunning. It was enough to make the admissions board… bend a little, to say the least.” 

Reaching forward, Jisung grabs the envelope and examines it in his hands. It’s opened, but yes, on the front is your handwriting. He’s cried so much this past week that he doesn’t know how many times tears have touched his eyes, but they sting once more. This time, he doesn’t let them fall. 

“She… wrote a letter. For me?” 

“That she did,” responds Mr. Moon. 

“She’s right,” says Johnny suddenly. “In our work at the university, we’re always looking for the best of the best. We should look deeper, sometimes.” The words sink in the room, and Jisung finds himself staring down at the envelope in his hands. What things had you had to say about him?

Honestly, all he can think about is his failure. How he failed to be there for you, how he cowarded in your presence when you told him to leave you alone. He bites down on his lip. 

“So? Will you accept our offer?” 

Jisung looks up again, meeting Johnny’s expectant eyes. “I…” His mouth suddenly runs dry. “I don’t know, I… I need to think about it.”

“You’re not graduating for another four months. Take your time.” Slowly, still in glassy-eyed disbelief, Jisung nods. His fingers find the edge of the envelope, tracing its pointed edge. You wrote that for him. From across the desk, Mr. Moon speaks up. “You should read that letter, Jisung, and realize what’s coming for you: good things.” 

-

To Whom It May Concern,

Hello. My name is (Name) (Last Name), and I am a high school student writing this letter to appeal a rejection by your university. Not of my own application, but of an extraordinary person with the name Jisung Park. In my humble opinion, I believe that your institution has made a grave mistake in not offering a scholarship to Jisung. So, I write this letter to appeal such a rejection, and to do something that he hated, though it was what I always did best: write about Jisung. 

Now, Jisung is a humble person who never speaks up about his struggles, but the truth is that of all students, I believe he is the most in need of this scholarship. His parents passed when he was young, and he grew up in the care of his older sister who raised him. Their small but strong family made sacrifices, gave up luxuries, and endeavored to survive. 

In the midst of this crisis, Jisung found his one savior: soccer. 

He is, without a doubt, the best soccer player I have ever seen in my entire life. He can sprint across the field in half a normal player’s time, and I’ve never seen him miss a goal or a pass. But his soccer prowess isn’t what makes him great. Moreover, Jisung is the person you want on a team. He believes in teamwork, but is always striving to be better. He doesn’t want to stand out, but does so anyways. He is never arrogant, nor boastful. If there is one person who deserves this, it’s him.

But, I am sure that you are thinking: why should this letter mean anything to you? I’m not a highly valued individual in the community, nor have I done anything significant for my name to mean anything. I’m only a seventeen year old student, a struggling journalist. 

The answer to that question is, I know Jisung Park. You only see his grades, the shallow things on his application. You will never get to see the Jisung Park that I knew and loved. 

In my time alive, Jisung Park made an impact on my life that will never be forgotten. Even when life seemed the darkest, not a beam of light in the field's view, Jisung picked me up and made me see the sunset. I know now, the sunset is beautiful, warm, and comforting—everything that Jisung is. He never left my side, and never for a single moment did I ever feel alone in his presence. The world often overplays the saying “a heart of gold,” but the truth is that Jisung has one.

I used to think that love would be red, like the burning of one’s lungs racing down a soccer field, or black and white, made to be simple. But the truth is, love is golden. Golden like the sunset painting streaks against the floor, golden like Jisung. It’s a warmth that covers you from head to toe, relenting into a future that you don’t know. 

He is my golden boy, and he can be yours too. 

I may not have a future, but if there’s one thing that I know, it’s that Jisung deserves one. 

I’m a journalist. I don’t write love letters, but perhaps this is the closest I can ever get. And should Jisung ever read this letter, I hope he knows that with this, I dedicated my last spark of sunlight to him. 

Sincerely,

(Name) (Last Name)

-

Your funeral occurs on February 13th, a week and four days after your passing. 

Jisung stands in front of the bathroom mirror, nose scrunched in concentration as he makes a feeble attempt on his necktie. This is surely not as easy as throwing on a soccer jersey. “Ugh,” he groans, fingers getting confused again.

“Need help?”

His sister’s dainty voice calls him from the bathroom door. Dressed in all black, she’s ready too. Turning his head, Jisung sighs. “Please.” She makes his way toward him, fingers coming to work on his tie already with steady hands. 

“You’re too tall now,” she says softly, with a chuckle. It’s true; he used to look up to her, physically and figuratively, but now he’s an entire head above her. “You’ve grown up a lot.” 

It was his eighteenth birthday just a few days ago but to be quite honest, he hadn’t had the heart to celebrate it. If anything, he had always thought that his eighteenth birthday would be like an epiphany for him. As though he would wake up the morning of, feeling like an adult with all the answers to the world.

The truth is, he’s eighteen now and he still feels like he has no idea what he’s doing. 

“I don’t feel any different,” he admits. “I thought eighteen would mean something.”

“You’ll get there, trust me. And anyways, I always told you not to grow up too fast.”

For a moment there’s a silence as his sister swoops the tie in and out, weaving it to form the perfect knot. Feeling something scratch at the back of his throat, Jisung speaks. “... I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for, silly? I was the one who never taught you how to knot a necktie,” she chuckles. 

“Not for that,” he says. “For last week. I… probably scared you.”

Suddenly, his sister is wearing that demure smile of hers again. The one that is small and polite, but always seems to carry more weight in it than he can see. “No. It’s okay, I knew you’d be better.” 

Naeun finally finishes the knot, tightening it the slightest around Jisung’s neck. “There you go.” He offers her a small thanks as he turns to look in the mirror, and she begins to leave. A sigh leaves him; there’s no avoiding it now, he’s ready to go.

“You know, Jisung,” she suddenly speaks up from the doorway. “I’m glad that you met her. Even if it ended up like this… you’re different. In a good way, and I think she had a lot to do with it. Even if you don’t feel different… you are.”

-

In the months of your relationship, Jisung had come to learn your insecurities. You were loud and proud, but with that confidence came an unwavering insecurity that you were unliked by those you spilled your tongue to. At the funeral, Jisung sees that that’s not at all true.

People give speeches for you, place flowers on your grave. The school newspaper had even written an article to commemorate your presence on their team, and the president of the club reads it aloud. A number of hospital staff make their appearance.

Even Jisung’s friends show up, despite the clear memory of them calling you crazy early on. Maybe they were right, maybe you were crazy. But he probably was too.

It doesn’t rain a single drop, though it had been pouring for three days before. Instead, the sun peeks through the overcast clouds, gifting sunshine. 

Jisung smiles. 

He probably looks like an idiot, carrying the soccer ball around the entire funeral but he knows what it means to him, and what it means to you. When he places it on your grave, the grass still fresh, his eyes catch the carefully written words on a singular white spot.

I love you. 

He knows that he means it. 

At eighteen, there a lot of things that Jisung still doesn’t know. But even so, there are a handful of truths that he can hold onto forever. One, he’s still an incredible soccer player and girls are still very scary. But like soccer, maybe that just takes time and practice. 

Two, growing up isn’t about a number. It’s not about partying or drinking, nor is it about rushing into relationships that have little meaning. For years Jisung had wanted to grow up, to face the world with no fears and be able to cruise through. But he knows now that growing up is about being strong in the face of sadness, pain, grief. About waking up every morning even if you feel like you have no reason to. 

Love is the same.

Love isn’t about making out on the bleachers after practice or trying to copy the coy clichés seen in romance movies. It’s about the sacrifices, like four hour bus rides. It’s about communication and connection, like a recommendation letter traced in gold. Because of you, he’s moving forward. He can go to college, and the day will never come when he stops being grateful toward you and everything you’ve done. That’s love, and he will spend the rest of his life loving you. Maybe the love will change but it will always be love. 

It hurts that you’re gone, it really does. Jisung doesn’t think it’ll ever stop hurting.

But the last thing he knows is that things will be okay.

Life moves on, and he will too. 

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

March 2021 Part 4

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. 

This is a LONG ONE, it’s been A WEEK everyone. 

Ongoing Series - Thai

Lovely Writer Ep 5 - a little slow this week, but at least Gene finally flirted back, and very cute flirting it was, too. Also we got Aey’s motivation, background, and love interest. Thank goodness for that. 

Brothers Ep 8 - still pants, what can I say? Clearly I am a BL masochist. Very embarrassing for everyone concerned. 

1000 Stars Ep 9 - the conflict over Tian’s father was REALLY well done. The plot of this drama is excellent, the leads are great together, and yes I totally cried. What, you didn’t? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Word of Honor (China) Ep 16-18 - big battle fighty fighty stabby stabby. Ep 17 switches to “this drama isn’t big enough for two chaotic-neutral godlings!” So what do they do? Drink together and bicker... A LOT. Then in Ep 18 we all get the dubious joy of really freaky puppets. (I HATE puppets.) Also how is China letting this be so SO VERY VERY GAY?  Also, I wanna walk through the forest wearing a smanshy purple robe and waving a big fuck-off white fan around simply because I’m a pretentious fuss monger. And frankly, I feel like this is an achievable life goal for me. 

We Best Love 2 (Taiwan) Ep 4 - not gonna lie, this is looking to be one of my top 3 BLs of 2021. It’s SO GOOD. Big bonus to this ep for treating stalker behavior like the mental illness it is and not as some dumb representation of enduring love. 

The Most Peaceful Place is My Place (Vietnam) Ep 1 - finally dropped (find it under NƠI BÌNH YÊN NHẤT LÀ VỀ BÊN EM on O2′s channel). It’s got actors already comfortable with BL and looks pretty good so far. An angry tsundere uke reunited with his ex, a stoic chef, giving us lots of snap, crackle, and pop out the gate. 

Dear Uranus (Taiwan GL) Ep 2 - I want to love it, but it is just moving too fast. There’s not enough character dev and then they’re throwing flashbacks in? It feels like a treatment rather than a show, and a rushed treatment at that. Bummer. 

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 2 (AKA Ep 3-4) - let the cheesy popcorn continue! Idiot remains an idiot; ingenue remains an ice queen; nice gay guy remains nice and gay; obsessive stalker brother is getting ever more whackadoddle. Of course these last two have the best chemistry. (It’s caregiver codependency and the salvation trope. We got us a Leo/Fiat situation going on.​) Plus lots of classic BL tropes because OF COURSE there are lots of tropes. 

Occasionally, I am tempted to argue that shows like H4 or Cherry Magic or Ossan’s Love aren’t technically BL because of the office setting and age of the protags - but then they all behave like high school students anyway, so *shrug* 

Stand Alones

Cute little Taiwanese micro BL Friend or Lover dropped, about bisexual realization within a friendship group. Normally these are too short for me, but this one did pretty good with its 15 minutes of charm, plus it’s abad boy + shy softy pairing. 

Breaking News - Thai BL

Fish Upon the Sky released its actual trailer. The upside-down kiss is gone, which makes everyone sad, and it seems far less rivals to lovers than the first iteration, which makes ME sad. But it still looks good and a more classic BL than GMMTV has given us in a while. New trailer focused more on the makeover trope and they’ve upped Mix’s role (the object of everyone’s affection) now that he’s proved himself. (Or they are using him more to carry the trailer since he has a fan base form 1k*). Starts April 9 on GMMTV in 1K*’s time slot, probably with a 10 ep run. 

2gether the movie is apparently coming April 22 to Thai theaters. F4 Thailand must be having issues or GMMTV just wants to milk the BrightWin cash cow. It’s rumored to be a combination of 2gehter + Still 2gether with some extra scenes and ending. Also, one assumes a lot will be cut out, if it’s movie length.

Call It What You Want released its updated trailer. If anything, it looks more scary than before. What are we in for? April 9th. 

Nitiman got a release date, May 7 on One31. 

I Told Sunset About You 2 got an updated release date of May 27 on LineTV. 

Second Chance the series is coming to LineTV on March 29. I don’t know much about this one. Tons of familiar faces (mostly TharnType side dishes) and some nice looking new talent but a dearth of eng subs. I think it may take on Brothers’ time slot. Line did eng subs for Brothers so maybe they will do 2nd Chance too? 

Close Friend the series is coming April 22. This is a combination of 6 couples with 6 story arcs as music videos (maybe)? It’s an epic fan service with familiar faces like OhmFluke (UWMA), MaxNat (LBC also in Y-Destiny), YoonLay (YYY also in Y-Destiny), KimCop (GenY), and JaFirst (TT2).

Y-Destiny starts March 30, and has starting dropping couple’s trailers. I’m still suspicious given the director but it seems like there is plot (or plots) and a theme. Looks to be a series of 7 single ep vignettes (amended, see comments, might be 2 eps each for 14 eps total), different couple each time, some with supernatural elements, all with decent chemistry and acting chops. 

Sun MaxNat’s tutor/student arc

Mon jaded rich kid meets poor innocent  

Tues sports romance enemies to lovers 

Weds the messy realistic actual dating one 

Thurs hot ghost boyfriend (sad) 

Fri YoonLayPerth coping with loss and finding new love (sad). This one will all rest on Lay's acting so we know it’s in safe hands. Our boy is going to KILL it. 

Sat time-slip memory loss reunion romance 

I’m thinking we can’t expect any of these to end happy or be classic BL. They’re gonna be more slice of life-ish. 

Gossip - BL Outside of Thailand 

Scholar Ryu’s Wedding Ceremony AKA Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korean historical BL) got a legit teaser (eng sub here). @curriculumvtae​ reports that it’s releasing April 15th on WeTV (Philippines & Thailand) and Idol Romance (South Korea), while Will of Thai Bl says it’ll be on Viki too. It’s a short run of 8 ep built on a fake relationship trope (arranged marriage variant):

Ryu Ho Seon’s (Kang In Soo from You Wish) arranged marriage turns out to be with his expected bride’s brother, Choi Ki Wan (Lee Se Jin from Mr Heart). Ryu tries to undo the marriage, but his ill mother opposes this saying the scandal would be too much. Meanwhile, Kim Tae Hyeong (Jang Eui Soo from Where Your Eyes Linger), a senior at Ryu’s school, comes to congratulate him and falls in love with Choi. Then one day, the original bride disappears.

Okay it seems a bit twisty turny for ONLY 8 EPS, but oh my goodness how excited are we? Our first intentional historical BL out of Korea!

We already knew Hong Kong was doing a remake of Japan’s Ossan’s Love under the same name (not my favorite Japanese BL but so very popular) but it’s now reported to be coming to Viu in June. Who knows how the CFA will take it. Depends on whether Hong Kong bows before the NO GAY KISSES regs or if they are going to use this as a political nose thumb... things could get cray with this puppy (the original has several kisses and s shower scene). Are we back in Addicted territory only with added comedy and civil unrest?

Speaking of Japan, Absolute BL (AKA Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai vs Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko) dropped sooner than anyone thought, March 27. But being Japanese who knows how/when/if we get subs. Protag finds himself trapped in a world of BL, but being straight he fights against any hot guy that draws near, but the whole world (literally) is conspiring against him. It’s a parody adapted from a yoai.

What with Absolute BL from Japan plus Lovely Writer and Call it What You Want from Thailand, is 2021 the year of BL being ultra self referential? Sure feels like it.

In Case You Missed It

Faded a gay micro film from Taiwan from 2017 deals with parental acceptance and serves up a ton of BL tropes (piggyback, forehead kiss, etc). I’m pretty sure this was a propaganda piece for legalization of gay marriage, and it’s an interesting nugget of BL history as a result. Yes, it ends happy. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed a day later than actual air date for accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

Man there’s a lot going on right now! Spring has sprung... I suppose. 

P.S. I cannot believe I missed Absolute BL as a blog name. Numbnuts = me. 

[beauty-and-passion]

Silly fun challenge prompt: what languages do you associate with the Sides/what would be the 2nd language each Side learn?

For example I am a big fan of Hispanic (Spanish speaking) Creativitwins fanon. And c! Thomas too could've learnt Spanish in high school and the fact his love interest is hispanic too just makes perfect sense-

And in contrast to Hispanic twins I headcanon Janus as a francophone (French speaking) for two reasons: 1) it was still lingua franca around Victorian era, his aesthetic inspiration and 2) dividing American high school by Spanish class vs. French class is like causing Civil War (I was and still am a language nerd, so I learnt both languages, which was a mistake but the kind of mistake that was worth it when you think about it later)

German suites Logan since lots of famous philosophers are German. I associate Japanese or Korean with Virgil since those two are really dominant in the current subculture world (and maybe our emo could've been inspired and turn into E-boy - wow that sounds terrifying)

I don't have strong preference on Patton's but Italian sounds nice, since all those music and dessert and anything sweet are often from Italy. And maybe 'Orange' can be some language that sounds harsh like Russian, so he can murmur in that in sleep and scares everyone else

I know you're in Europe: 1) you use GMT and 2) Americans wouldn't care about Eurovision. So I wonder how you would think based on your European experience!

Oooh, I like this! As European Who Studied Languages, I definitely approve this and I'll gladly add my two cents about which languages the sides should learn.

_________

Roman: He canonically knows Spanish and that's perfect like that. Spanish is a romantic language, someone speaks Spanish and you can't help but swoon. It’s a great choice for the Side responsible for romance and passion.

_________

Remus: Remus isn't just intrusive thoughts, but there’s a very high chance he’s also responsible for Thomas' sexual urges. So, what is the language made for sex? You’re right, it’s French. French is sexy. You can say anything in French and bam, ✨sexy ✨.

"Je sors la poubelle." Sexy, isn't it? Well, I just said "I'm taking out the trash". See? Very sexy.

(French people, please confirm my words. We all know it’s true)

_________

Janus: Your points are incredibly valid and I love them. But if we should choose among all languages, I would love Janus to be one of the very few (extremely few) people in the world who can speak Latin.

I know Latin is a dead language, but it would be great - and not just because of the connection with his name.

Let’s consider that the other Romance languages, despite evolving from Latin, cannot entirely understand it, because they all changed a lot through the centuries after mixing with the Germanic ones. On the other hand, the Germanic languages (English, German, Swedish and so on) are part of a completely different group, only slightly influenced by Latin, so they cannot understand it.

In other words, Janus would speak a language that only sounds familiar - and maybe you can grasp a couple words here and there if you know a romance language, but the true meaning is hidden. What is he actually saying? Who knows. Is he actually cursing someone? Who knows. After all, do you understand Latin? Yeah, me neither.

If I have to pick a language that is still spoken today instead, I think I'll join you with French. Your points are valid and French is a very elegant language, fitting for Janus’ whole aesthetic. So yes, French could work.

_________

Logan: German is a great choice and you are absolutely right with your point about the philosophers. Also German is a language of harsh sounds and strict grammar rules - for example:

declensions that should be used accordingly for articles, adjectives and nouns

specific verbs for specific meanings

words made by putting together shorter words (like Haustürschlüssel.  Haustür means “front door”, Schlüssel means “key” -> this word means “front door’s key”)

sentences that should follow a specific construction, with parts of the compound verb after the noun and part at the end of the sentence. And secondary phrases also have a specific syntax and should always be introduced by a comma

In other words, it's a very organized language and I think it would fit Logan.

But also, considering that almost all words related to science and philosophy come from Greek, I think Logan should at least understand some Greek. As a treat.

(Also because Greek is another incredibly complicated language, so if someone has the patience to learn it, it’s definitely Logan.)

_________

Virgil: oh my gosh, I never thought about an eastern language for Virgil. In a way, it would be a very peculiar choice and I kinda like it. Japanese and Korean are extremely complicated languages, they have a very specific alphabet (I'm especially thinking about the Japanese one, that even asks for a specific direction to write words) and require a lot of work (and memory) to learn them.

But Virgil is also a poet and when I think of poets and sonnets my first connection is with the french ennui, le mal du vivre and especially Baudelaire and his works. Virgil would appreciate Baudelaire a lot. So French, again.

But hey, there’s too much French now. So I’ll pick the other european literature full of sadness: the russian one.

Russian is supposed to be a big scary language and its alphabet is weird and omg what if they're cursing us? But if you learn it a little bit, you’ll find out that Russian has a lot of soft/open sounds (due to a good use of vowels) and it's very poetic.

So the language itself is a bit like Virgil: he seems scary and evil at a first glance, but if you learn about him, he's actually kinder than he looks.

But never underestimate Russian, because just like Anxiety, fear is just behind the corner: you start learning it and wow, there is just one present tense, one past tense and one future tense? This is great, what a wonderful language!

And then, before you’ll realize it, you will find out that each verb has a “doppelganger” used for entirely different purposes AND there a gazillion verbs of motion and you will end up crying on the floor, because there are just too many verbs - and look, there are also one trillion particles you can put before these verbs and they give them EVEN MORE MEANINGS.

No, this isn't entirely based on my personal experience, what makes you think that.

_________

Patton: I have never thought about Patton learning another language, because English just fits him too well.

But when you proposed Italian... well, my heart just wiped out everything else. There is nothing here, only Patton speaking Italian.

So yes, Patton's second language should be Italian. No, it must be Italian. Because French is the language of sex, Spanish is the language of love, but if you want to declare your eternal love to someone, you use Italian. Do you want to marry someone? Italian. Do you want to tell your significant other how much you adore them? Italian. Italian has one million ways to express love and Patton should use them all with his kiddos.

And yes, Italian is also associated with warm people, warm places and good food, all things Patton deserves and should enjoy. So Italian is a big yes.

_________

Orange: since Orange is a mystery, I am a bit torn between these two languages:

1) Esperanto: This language is amazing, because it isn’t a natural language, born like all others, but it has been built by a man, who wanted to create an universal language in order to foster world peace and international understanding.

So this language has been created to be as simple as possible, with a very regular grammar (unlike all other natural languages) and its words all have references to other language groups (romance, germanic, slavic, indo-europeans, finno-ugric languages and so on).

And if you actually listen to it (especially if you know some latin languages) you will find it weirdly understandable. I found this video in particular and I was impressed by how strangely familiar esperanto sounds.

And... that’s it, I just think it would be kinda poetic that the last side knows a language that all others can use and understand.

2) A Greenlandic language. Why? Because they are insanely polysynthetic.

What does that mean? If in German you can make words by putting together other two/three words (like in the example I used before), in the Greenlandic languages you can build an entire sentence by putting together nouns, verbs, articles and everything else. All together in one single word, whose meaning can be translated with an entire sentence in another language.

Do you want an example? Here is an example from Wikipedia: tuntussuqatarniksaitengqiggtuq.

Yes, this is a word.

This word is from the Yupik language and means "He had not yet said again that he was going to hunt reindeer.". And this word is made of:

tuntu- (= reindeer)

ssur-  (= hunt)

qatar- (future tense)

ni- (= say)

ksaite- (negative)

ngqiggte- (= again)

uq  (3rd.sing.IND)

Is this insane? This is fucking insane. Do you want to be scared? This is real fear. What the heck. How. Why.

You know what? This is perfect for Orange, I’ll leave Esperanto to Thomas. Orange deserves to be this scary. I can already see the other sides quiver before him.

_________

And so, here are my guesses! If someone has other ideas, feel free to add yours and tell us why, so we can all have a nice discussion :D