#i love seeing them as adults

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[chloesimaginationthings]

Oooo I love the way you draw Jeff he's cute <333

I hope I did Jeff justice.. gotta love tired men

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[gojoest]

from crown prince gojo satoru who used to follow you around like a puppy when you were kids, insisting that you should only play with him and nobody else and threw tantrums when you didn’t listen, to emperor gojo satoru who personally tortures and executes any man that asks for your hand . . . be it for a dance during a ball or marriage

[gothsuguru]

thinking abt how satoru is one of the only adults in the jjk universe who can separate the child from the situation/cards they are dealt with… yuji took in sukuna as a host and he’s the only adult who sees yuji as a child/his own human being while other adults see him simply as “sukuna’s host” who needs to die. thinking abt how satoru was also one of the only adults who stepped up for yuuta and that’s one of the reasons yuuta appreciates him so much… same with when he took in megumi. at the end of the day gojo satoru is the only one in the universe that knows what it’s like to be used/seen as a weapon or Entity rather than a person and he won’t let his kids feel the same way/he’ll do everything in his power to make them feel better & actually LET them be children!

[musashi]

not a narumayo shipper but i believe in their beliefs

[varpusvaras]

Fox: Alright, let's see, who are at the top of our hitlist?

Leia: Palpatine, Skywalker, Tarkin

Fox: Okay, let me think. With Palpatine...we need to plan it very carefully. He's still the Chancellor, after all, so we need to get evidence of his wrongdoings before we do anything, so we don't blow everything up even more. I'm sure you already have ideas?

Leia: Absolutely I do

Fox: Good, good. With Skywalker...as much as I want to whack him on the head, he is still on our side, and maybe has some hope. Not our problem, though, sorry

Leia: Hmph. Disappointing, but I accept that

Fox: Thank you. Then, Tarkin.....

Fox: *thinks about it*

Fox: I think we get to kill him, Leili'ka

Leia: Fuck yeah

[macadam]

Finally had the moment I’ve been waiting years for and got to listen to a 12 year old info dump to me about transformers after he learned I like transformers

[novelconcepts]

The more the show progresses, the more I want to see the 90s cast infiltrating the modern timeline. We've gotten hints of it with Shauna and her younger self, her Jackie hauntings. We've gotten a little more with adult Lottie seeing teenage Nat (and Laura Lee), and with Natalie getting teenage Lottie in her final moments. I want more. I want the teen cast to be absolutely invasive on pivotal adult moments, infecting their adult counterparts when least expected. I want Taissa's argument with Van to dissolve into their teenage selves, their bond endless and timeless and inescapable. I want Misty absolutely wrecked by young Natalie lurking around corners, watching from mirrors. I want to see these women unable to navigate adulthood without the specters of their teenage selves cropping up absolutely everywhere, more and more as they let the memories in, as they stop being able to repress the trauma. They didn't grow up. They never could. You are always doomed to regress around your high school teammates. You are haunted by the phantom elements of your misspent youth. It is a comfort, and it is a gift, and it is a trial, and it is a curse. I would love to see that reflected with greater intensity, until the lines blur, until the timelines have no choice but to intersect. They haven't escaped themselves at all. They didn't grow up. They just got older.

[six-legged-sea-leopard]

no i am not over how one of the first things kris does of their own accord without our input is to lay down their life for this weird ipad kid they met five hours ago no i am not over "hell yeah i am here to humiliate you fucker" no i am not over "did you miss me? because i missed you!" no i am not over how much not only susie but also kris (and ralsei) genuinely care about their new adopted little cousin guy and the fact that he went from having no friends at all to 3 ride or die bffs who were willing to do what every adult in his life failed to do which is stand up for him i-

[revelisms]

Lil' comic of a scene from a fic I haven't gotten around to writing.

(basically Vi and Jinx have reconciled, Silco is alive, and Vi is begrudingly finding herself beginning to look up Silco as a mentor/father figure. She accompanies him on an errand run, one of which winds them up at the old cannery, and emotions bubble up biiig time 🥲)

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]

saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.

[toneelspeelster]

truham's queer teachers having a soft spot for nick and charlie

[invye]

When They Are Drunk

(as observed by the Red Hair Pirates)

I forever love when we let the Red Hair Pirates interact with the mess that is their captain and his relationship(s), so here have some lenghty thoughts about Shanks, Mihawk and Rosinante interacting with the Red Hair Pirates while drunk in my CoraMiShanks Fix It AU under the cut:

Shanks

The Captain being drunk is neither a rare ocurrance nor a particularly interesting one. They've seen it all within a week of getting recruited, including the hour long rambles about how much he misses Hawkeyes even though they literally duelled each other two days ago. 

The Red Hair Pirates have long since established a system for when they are among people on land or otherwise have guests on the Red Force, where the crew takes turns and one or two people remain sober on Captain watch duty; much to the eternal gratitude of Benn who has wrangled a drunk and poetry waxing Shanks way too often for his poor nerves and approaches it with an practiced aura of exasperation.

The one thing however that adds some fun to the mix is that after the captain finishes his hour rant about how much he loves Mihawk's creepy unblinking eyes, he turns his overflowing sentimentality on the rest of the crew. 

His chosen 'victim' would be sitting there, minding their business when suddenly there's the captain's arm around their shoulders and he slurs a monologue of compliments about their skills and abilities and gratitude for all the things they do for the crew. And during that genuinely nice and flattering monologue he'd sway closer until - boom - it's too late, they're in smooch range now and no one is safe from the Captain's Appreciation Smooches.

It used to be somewhat of a rite of passage, back when Shanks was still actively recruiting. The day a new crew member got thier first Appreciation Smooch from their drunk captain was the day they became fully and irrevocably a part of the crew.

There is a rank list hanging in the galley on the Red Force, ranking the crew members by the number of smooches they have recieved from the captain. Benn is so far in the lead, no one will ever catch up to him, but the rest of the list is surprisingly balanced, as if there actually is a system to the captain's drunk madness that informs him whom of the crew he hasn't complimented and properly expressed his appreciation for in a while.

They considered adding Hawkeyes to the list after the first time he was subjected to the Appreciation Smooch, simply to watch how long it would take for him to climb the ranks and actually overtake Benn (and because his wide-eyed expression of utter surprise and confusion was beyond hilarious). Eventually they decided against it, because while the captain still hasn't figured out the list's meaning, they're fairly certain Hawkeyes would within mere hours of finding his own name on it.

Mihawk

After all these years, Hawkeyes still manages to be an enigma to most of the crew, despite having seen him around plenty. During the times where Mihawk was actively duelling the captain, they could count the passing weeks by the sound of Mihawk's boots on the deck and his grumbles of "Red Hair promised to shut up if I joined for a drink;" every Sunday like clockwork.

But even though they have seen Mihawk drink plenty (always and only expensive red wine that the captain stashes seperately just for Hawkeyes), they have barely ever seen him drunk. Even Benn, who has known Hawkeyes pretty much as long as he's known the captain, only somewhat understands what happens behind his unblinking eyes, and he does have the somewhat regular 'honour' of Mihawk sitting next to him as they sip their wine in silence, because Hawkeyes had quickly determined that Benn is the only person on board with good taste. It's a weird form of bonding, the total silence vaguely uncomfortable to observe, but the captain gets all mushy and happy about Hawkeyes engaging with the crew (even if its technically only Benn), so they suppose it's good enough.

None of them are ready for it when at some point a switch is flipped in Mihawk's brain and he decides that the Red Force is a proper safe place. Hawkeyes allows himself to get drunk, and while he's still eerily silent and prone to staring into the void, he starts emoting. Ever so slightly, little smiles, mostly directed at Shanks. 

Lucky Roux is the first with the questionable luck of experiencing an expression of appreciation (maybe even friendship..?) from Hawkeyes. He was going around handing out little snacks to mitigate the incoming hangovers, when he walked up to Mihawk leaning against the reiling a little away from the rest of the bustle, to hand him a sandwich and encourage him to actually eat it too. Next thing he knew those yellow eyes were staring right into his soul, a hand resting on his shoulder for full two seconds of contact and Mihawk told him a quiet but genuine "thank you" before going back to staring into the void and nibbling on his sandwich.

By the time Lucky Roux was sitting back down and staring into his own drink again, he still hadn't managed to shake off the cold shiver caused by Hawkeyes' intensity, even though it was an unquestionably positive interaction. Lucky Roux gets the Captain's Appreciation Smooch that night, because of course Shanks saw that and is unreasonably happy about it.

Corazón/Rosinante

Honestly, the Red Hair Pirates still haven't quite understood how Corazón entered the whole *gestures* Situation that is the relationship involving the Captain and Hawkeyes. He's shown up one day in Haweyes' company and now he's here in all his clumsy glory, having the best of times chatting with the captain, while Hawkeyes gives them both the same sappy stare. The crew supposes its a net good and respects Rosinante's request to be called by his name rather than title as they incorporate him into the rounds of drinks.

Rosinante only ever drinks a single drink if his kid is with him. (And boy does the kid have opinions; he once prognosed when exactly he expects the captain to die of liver failure down to the month, which was only made more horrifying by Hongo solemnly nodding along in the background. At least Hongo had then continued to explain that he already had been slipping the captain a regimen of meds to prevent just that for years.)

As the kid grows older and is less present however, Rosinante allows himself to indulge. Turns out for all his clumsiness, he mixes the most amazing cocktails.

Speaking of his clumsiness, they still haven't figured out if drunk Rosinante is more or less clumsy than usual. They have seen him fully drunk walk a perfectly straight line, only to stumble over literally nothing and take a perfect swan dive right into the next group of people. At least once he's down, he stays down. Most of the time draped over at least three different laps, slurring out endless apologies, but not making a move to leave. They've quickly understood that Rosinante has been severely lacking positive physical contact in his life and let him stay where he is until Mihawk or the captain pick him up eventually. If they tried to move they supposed Rosinante would too and that would only result in another round of spilled drinks. Also they can't help but admit that Rosinante's presence is somehow calming and comfortable, so no harm done.

the end of the night

No matter what, a night of drinking would inevitable end with the captain, Hawkeyes and Rosinante piled in a heap in the corner. The captain happily snoring away, Hawkeyes somehow managing to lean against the next wall all proper and cool looking in his sleep, arms crossed and hat pulled down over his eyes (no one will ever point out that he drools for fear of death), Rosinante curled over them both like a very oversized cat, his feather coat doubling as a blanket.

Seeing them, the Red Hair Pirates are happy that things turned out like this. They all are maybe a bit too aware of just how dangerous a world they are living in, and just how close they've all come to death before.

Hey, by the way, when has anyone last checked in on the kid? Didn't Rosinante say something about Law recruiting himself a crew of his own? How's that going?

[nessacousland]

Well, I finally finished Dragon Age: Friendship is Magic and that is *my* biggest regret.

[thebluefoxell]

A crossover I really wanna see is between post canon Assassination Classroom and Windbreaker (manga by Nii Satoru) with Nagisa as a teacher. Like, he has plausible reason to be there. Even better if he arrived during Furin chaos era and took no shit. You really want to fight your homeroom teacher that can whoop your ass in 10 seconds flat? Good luck.