#i love putting clyde on cute clothes sorry

[starssmax]

Twyde little red riding hood AU 🐺🌹

A mini comic and an old drawing of it ^_~

[indigosunsetao3]

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRE4g6YQ/

Okay but look at this 😭😫👏🏻❤️🥺🥹 it’s such husband behavior and I could see all the 141 guys doing this tbh. Maybe except Price (I feel like he’d go to the ends of the Earth to find one and would be successful. Even if it means driving 2+hrs to every Tesco trying to find the cake)

What? Stop it right now. This is too cute.

Just doing read more because it's a bit long to list them all. All are SFW and fluffy. 💙

Price for sure is going to every. single. store. He's going to find this cake one way or another; he won't come home until he's got it. He loses count of how many places he tries. He makes store managers call other stores to see if they have it in stock, watching them from the counter with narrowed eyes. When he tracks down the last one, which is another hour away, he asks the store to set it aside and pays them double when he arrives for their effort (and to apologize for slightly threatening them if they sold it to someone else). Traditions are important to him and he'll be damned if he misses a year. "I know it's almost midnight dear, but it's still technically your birthday. Never mind where I've been all day, not important."

Soap is making a masterpiece. Baking may not be his forte per se but man is artistic. His creation is a variation of all the different caterpillar cakes; selecting only the best qualities from each. And yes, he looked and studied them all. He has pictures of them all over the kitchen counter with notes on each about what he likes and doesn't like. Then he sketches out his own picture and uses it as a blueprint for his design, proudly naming it Craig.

"Clyde's eyes are terrifying, bonnie. But I didn't like how Chris didn't have feet...they have to have feet or then it's a snake. And Morris was boring, not enough stripes."

Gaz is in the kitchen for hours baking. He's bought everything he needs in bulk because he knows it's going to be a learning curve. He ends up with multiple failures, that he'll take to the team to devour, before finally getting it right. By the time he finishes, the kitchen is a disaster—every pan, bowl, plate, and pot (yes pot, he ran out of clean bowls) is dirty by the time he finishes. And flour? It's everywhere, his hair, clothes, the cat. "Stay out of the kitchen. Just sit here and enjoy this...I'll be back in a bit. If you see the cat just brush him off for me, yeah?"

Ghost enlists Soap to help him. It ends up with a bunch of arguing about how to do it. They fight over where to put the milk chocolate decorative pieces, the proper spacing of the eyes, the size of the feet and every other little imperfection Ghost can find. Soap eventually leaves telling Ghost to do it himself...before coming back thirty minutes later to help him finish. It's a bit lumpy and there are little slashes where it had been pulled apart and resealed with chocolate icing like glue from Ghost's attempts to get it perfect. "It's a bit beat up, sorry love. Tried to make it perfect for you, now it looks like he's been to war with all the scars."

Bonus:

Alex, poor soul, had no idea this kind of cake was even a thing at first. He assumed a caterpillar cake was just a sheet cake with the Very Hungry Caterpillar on it until you explained. Once he knows what it is, you get a caterpillar cake every year; he doesn't care that shipping costs three times as much as the cake itself. But this year the shipment runs late and he has to call in backup...which involves Gaz going to the shops to sweet talk the little old lady bakers for their recipe while Alex frantically takes notes. He only has a few hours to get it together and while he does his best...it's the thought that counts right? At least it tastes like it's supposed to.

"I know it's not Colin but if you squint hard enough it's vaguely a caterpillar....really squint, maybe cover one eye, and stand back a few feet. I promise your real one is on its way, just had a bit of delay."

[oniikabuto]

hi i hope this doesnt seem annoying bc i have never requested anything from ppl IDK it makes me anxious 😭 but ur one bed for sp was so cute i adore ur writing !!! do u think u could do it for craigs gang + butters?

one bed! part 2

-- sfw --

part one (main 4 boys)

characters: butters stotch, craig tucker, tweek tweak, tolkien black, jimmy valmer, clyde donovan

a/n: you arent annoying at all dws!! ty for being my first request this is monumental. oh and i wasnt sure if tweek counted as part of craigs gang or not but i adore him so i made one for him. also thank you!!!!!! ;; also jimmy is so underrated i love him so much mwagh

notes: i cant write clyde for shit idk he has no personaluty sorry i love him though; same character dynamic as part 1 (mutual pining, character has a crush on the reader)

— ⛧ b. stotch

complains that it's past his bedtime, but gives in because he wants to spend time with you.

"it's past nine already!"

"well.. yeah. it isn't that late, butters."

"but i always sleep at nine!"

but he'll sit through movies with you anyways because he has a fat crush on you.

except when the end credits start rolling, you look over at butters and he's curled up in a ball, snoring.

you don't have the heart to wake him up, so you quietly shut your laptop and move it off your bed.

he'll probably get in trouble for not coming home at all, but his parents trust you enough. you can probably talk them out of grounding him tomorrow morning.

"butters", you whisper. "leo, you gotta move."

he rolls over, half-asleep and dazed. "huh..?"

"you're staying with me tonight. scoot over."

"o-oh, jeez, okay", he blushes when he feels the warmth of you next to him.

"night, butters."

he's probably praying he doesnt wet the bed he would actually die

murmurs in his sleep and talks about nonsense

drools like a puppy

probably goes mimimimimi like in the cartoons /j

you will wake up with his arm around you. if you move it, he'll find his way back again in his sleep

looks like a baby when he sleeps its so funny you cant help but take photos



— ⛧ c. tucker

you turn around to tell him it's getting late and ask if he needs a ride home

and he's dead asleep. on the floor. textbook over his lap. snoring very softly.

like no wonder it's been so quiet... as you were doing your homework, craig was asleep on your floor.

you felt so bad having to wake him up to move him to your bed

"craig, i'm so sorry. i got distracted, i didn't mean to-"

"it's fine. just let me sleep in the corner. i like your plushies", he yawns.

so he sleeps in the corner against the wall, and you sleep on the outside to make sure he doesn't roll right off the bed.

if you weren't there, he definitely would have bc when you wake up, he's smushed into you.

how can he breathe???

he also violently gnashes his teeth and it's very startling (my brother did that as a kid and i would almost pee myself in fear)

and he'll randomly put his hand somewhere like your face?????? the way he does it is so funny because it always seems like he's wide awake but you look over and he's mouth breathing and sound asleep

yeah he's a mouth breather

it's okay he's a cutie



— ⛧ t. tweak

passes the fuck out from coffee. like CRASHES

"yeah and then i was telling kyle about how- tweek, you okay?"

"tired....... can i go.....mmfjkg"

like at a certain point past 1am he just turns into a dead slug

poor thing

you just send him up to your bedroom and get him a change of clothes so that he doesn't have to sleep in a button-up

except by the time you get up to your room, he's dead asleep.

you don't bother trying to wake him up, since you've never seen him sleep so peacefully.

he's curled up on his side, face buried in your plushies.

you scoot in next to him, so close that you can smell the milky coffee lingering in his hair.

it's kinda nice

in the middle of the night you wake up to a really strange noise.

it's tweek

he's doing this weird clicky thing with his tongue in his mouth in his sleep

like. okay?????? you go back to sleep

and then he flings his whole arm over and WHACKS you hard in the face

"TWEEK??"

"nhg..,"

he just randomly jerks in his sleep, wakes up for a second and falls back asleep

it's very startling

sometimes you have to hold him down with your arms

he loves it



— ⛧ t. black

actually a super chill guy to sleep with

he's enjoyable to have over

you'll both be studying for midterm exams next week, and he yawns

"it's like. ten. do you just wanna spend the night here?"

"is that, uh- is that okay with you?"

"yeah, my room's upstairs. i'll meet you up there in a sec"

he'll text his mom that he's spending the night because he's actually responsible

gets a little embarassed to sleep in your bed

but a win is a win

gets a LOT embarassed when you get in bed with him

falls asleep pretty fast actually

he's a relatively normal sleeper

spends like 30 minutes in the bathroom washing his face and stuff before he goes to bed

"do you have cleanser?"

sleeps like a rock

except for when he randomly talks

like TALKS. clear as day

scares you shitless

"y/n."

'tolkien??? are you up still??"

"why would you do that."

"do what??"

"grape juice"

and then he'd roll over and go back to sleep

does not remember any of his nighttime conversations in the morning

"i said that? are you sure?"



— ⛧ j. valmer

fell asleep on your couch in the middle of a horror movie

to your dismay

because when you turned away from the screen and grab at him in fear, he's SNORING. his ass is SNORING as the clown violently murders the main character.

"jimmy!"

"what?"

you just make a jokingly-angry face at him.

"it's late. can't i ju-just stay h-h-here?"

"well- i mean, sure, but you can't just sleep on the couch, dude. come up to my room, i'll show you."

"re-really?"

grins ear to ear

hes so down bad for you

almost implodes when you lean his crutches against the door and make sure they won't fall

DOES implode when you get in next to him

he smells like dish soap but in a good way

like citrus

you tell him so, and to that he makes a stupid "orange-you happy i'm here" joke

"jimmy, go to sleep."

"f-fine."

makes sure he's got the elastics for his braces in

in the middle of the night he'll whisper your name

"y/n r u still up"

"yeah what"

"i just thought of something really funny"

it gets old so fast but it's okay he's cute



— ⛧ c. donovan

crashes at 8pm after insisting he can pull an all-nighter

refuses to get up unless you drag him by his ankles

and even then he'll lay on the floor like a dead fish

so you just let him stay

meticulously brushes his hair sideways with wet fingers to make sure he doesn't wake up with a bedhead in front of you

he does anyway.

you walk up behind him as he moves his hair "whatcha doin?"

he jumps THREE FEET and whirls around

"nothing!" as if he's hiding a government secret or sum

once you guys r in bed he stops acting all tough and cool and just freaks out

his back will be turned but he's beet red

breathes really loudly when he falls asleep

and sleeps in ATROCIOUS positions

you'll wake up with his foot on your chest and the blanket flipped upside down

someone needs to belt this boy down to the bed or something

he's really a cute sleeper though

sometimes you wake up and see him face-down in a pillow and move him over to make sure he doesn't like. suffocate

and then he wakes up to you on top of him with no context

"....y/n?"



[empressofthesunwriter]

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Welcome to the semi-last and longest chapter!

We will have a little epilog after that and then start with book two”

I hope you will enjoy it.

Chapter 16: Let’s fighting Love!

The Dark Fortress of Clyde looms in the background as King Kyle and I stand before our people and alias.

This…this is the Endgame.

We all feel it in the air.

Dramatically wind makes our clothes and hair sway as King Kyle speaks: “Today, we are not elves and humans! Today... we fight as ONE!”

“Years later from now on, children will talk and sing about our heroic effort to defeat the Dark Lord Clyde!”, I add. “Let us besiege the army of darkness with the courage of amazons! Let us delve into their dungeon with swords and sorcery!”

“Let us charge our shields and use photon torpedos to vaporize the Klingons!”

A record scratches formally.

I just blink at Kevin Stoley, the one I found the IPad of his dad by the church, returning it to him.

I’m not sure what to say.

For once in a lifetime Cartman interference is welcome. He standing beside Leo, facepalming.

“Kevin, god dammit. Every fucking time, Kevin. God fucking dammit, seriously.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It’s okay.”, I get my bearings back and wave. “Armies of justice and light! PREPARE! Are you ready?!”

I hear loud yeses and agreeing shouts.

“Then... let's kick Clyde’s ass!”

Like an unstoppable tidal wave, we storm the front door of Clyde’s home, while his dad stands beside it, staring at us in confusion.

We enter the garden and the epic battle begins!

It was early on decided that me, King Kyle, Princess Kenny, Lady Tammy, Paladin Leo, Bard Jimmy, and Wizard Fatass would take care of Clyde.

Ranger Stan of course too, but for the moment he helped the Pirates, led by Maplebeard, who is a cute Canadian kid and King Kyle’s brother, get us inside the fortress from outside, while we storm it from the inside.

We battle, we solve riddles, and we climb the tower higher and higher.

Craig awaits us with three Nazi Zombie cows, but we can take away two.

The thief and his cow were nothing.

Ranger Stan joins us now and we continue on.

Clyde has to be in the next room!

But surprise, surprise waiting for us is…

“Dad? What the hell are you doing here?”, asks Stan Mr. Marsh.

“Oh! It's my favorite kid!”, yells Mr. Marsh and kneels down before me. Dude…that’s so not okay to say this when your son is standing right there! “Listen, I found out what they were doing at the women's clinic! They were looking for a candidate to put a snuke into! They're going to nuke ALL OF SOUTH PARK!”

“A snuke?”, repeats King Kyle shocked.

We all feel this too.

That’s so not good at all.

“You boys and girls don't understand. They've put the snuke HERE.”

Even better!

“Who did?”

“Whomever these people are CLAIMING to be Taco Bell! We should've known. We should have known Taco Bell is far too compassionate and caring to be so secretive. The quality of their character, like the quality of their food, should have never come into question.”

“Dad, where is the woman with the snuke?”

“They didn't put it in a woman.”

Mr. Marsh leads us to the person.

It’s Mr. Slave!

He is bonded on a pillar without pants, but thank god his tank top cowers his privates.

Another trauma I don’t need.

“All I remember was that there were these big government guys, and they wrestled me to the floor at my house! And then I remember thinking, well this is fun, but wait, is that a thermonuclear device?”, tells us Mr. Slave what happened to him. “I had some drinks so putting a thermonuclear device up my ass wasn't COMPLETELY out of the question... oh Jesus Christ, how long do I have?!”

“We don't know, Mr. Slave, but it could be a matter of MINUTES.”, answer him, Mr. Marsh.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Pull it out!”

Mr. Slave turns his behind in our direction.

What the fuck?!

It’s not like we can just pull it out of the ass!

But this shows how stupid Cartman actually is because he tries.

TRIES, in big letters, since Kyle slaps his hand away.

“No! We can't just pull it out! Snukes have triggers on them! We have to abort it -- from inside.”

“Oh COME ON! Who knows how to do abortions AND can get really really small?”, counters Fatass.

…I don’t like where this is going.

All beside Tammy have now a thinking face going on, asking who could do this, while we two girls argue non-verbal.

Tammy really wants me to get small, climb in Mr. Slaves’ ass and abort the snuke.

I make clear I don’t wanna do this fucked up shit and if this is so important, she can do it.

It goes like this for a few seconds, till Tammy makes at me the best puppy dog eyes and puckers her lips at me.

…I’m a thirsty hoe…if she really will give me a kiss…oh god…I’m actually doing it!

Gritting my teeth I step forward but grip Tammy by the hand and before she can make it clear that she doesn’t want to join me, I shrink us both.

“Oh, look! The girls are all small.”, points out Mr. Slave.

“Wow, this kid is just FULL of surprises! Quick! Get up there and disarm the snuke! Hurry!”

“No need to tell us twice, Mr. Marsh!”, I call back and formally drag Tammy with me.

“Oh, be careful girls. I might have also put some bats up there the other night.”, warns Mr. Slave.

Tammy gives up and faces her destiny.

She knows without me she can’t grow big again, so she is stuck anyway.

So…yeah we enter a man’s body through his asshole.

Ladies and gentlemen we didn’t reach the Fucked-Up-Meter, we completely obliterated it!

“I hate you so much right now!”, growls Tammy at me.

“Hey, you wanted me to go up this ass! Do you really think I would go alone? Someone has to suffer with me.”, I simply say.

“Fucking shit! Let’s get this over with!”, angry she follows the anal channel? Is it called so? “Next time you take one of your boy toys.”

“They didn’t promise me a kiss.”

I follow after her.

“I regret that too.”

We don’t go far since…a frog with a crown stops us?

What?

What does Mr. Slave put in his ass?

“New Kid and follower, you must find a way out of this place or you will surely die.”, tells us this Frog King.  “The way behind you is blocked by the large sphincter. Make haste to the large intestine! All will be made clear to you then!”

Geez, thanks for that information you strange thingy.

Tammy and I side-eye each other and then shrug our shoulders.

Whatever let’s go.

As we make our way through Mr. Slaves’ ass I could swerve someone is singing a song for me about this adventure.

Maybe I have gone gaga.

After what I experienced these days and now this, it wouldn’t surprise me.

Also, Mr. Slave has a lot of things up his ass.

Like a creepy hand puppet with a Zylinder, corn, and even his own phone.

I don’t have words for all this literary shit.

We kill some Nazi Zombie Bacteria, because of course, why shouldn’t he have this up his ass also, free the bat Mr. Slave warned us, as we encounter another spectral being.

It’s a bird.

“I am the Sparrow Prince.”

A sparrow.

Sure, why not?

I already lost all hope in humanity.

“Like you, I was once used for pleasure as an anal plaything, and thus perished in this place. Now you must defeat my angry spirit in order to move forward. I know I don't really sound that angry, but trust me, I am.”

Of course, we need to battle it.

OF COURSE!

The battle is tough I won’t lie, but Tammy and I are unstoppable together.

We defeat the Sparrow Prince.

“You have proven yourself in combat, young anal plaything. You may journey forth. Find the snuke's trigger and save the outside world. Fare thee met and fare thee well.”

And…he is gone.

Tammy rubs her forehead.

“I will need lots of therapy after this whole shit.”

“Yeah, I was planning an making an appointment next week, wanna come with me?”

Sick of all this we continue on.

Okay, I admit it’s a bit of a surprise finding soldiers guarding Mr. Slaves’ asshole.

“Armed guards? What are they doing here?”, wonders the Frog King.

He and the Sparrow Prince appeared at our sides.

“Whoever seeks to blow up the city clearly doesn't want anyone stopping them.”

“You must get past them, New Kid. Go fuck ‘em up.”

“No need to tell me twice.”

Did I really talk with the two spectral beings?

God, when is this finally over?

Tammy and I defeat the soldiers and finally there is the fucking snuke!

We are so close to ending this!

A new spectral being appears before us.

It’s some kind of fish. Since he lives in a gay man, does it make it a gay fish?

“Hello, New Kid. I... am Catatafish.”

Catatafish of the stomach's cove.

There is again the singing!

“The trigger of the thermonuclear device lies before you. I have tried to solve its riddle, but I have been unable to disarm it.”

Catatafish riddle will soon be told.

“There are only moments to spare. Find a way to disengage the trigger, or all will be lost.”

“Ready to abort this thing?”, ask me, Tammy.

“Let’s get this bread!”

One good thing, aborting the snuke is not as creepy, sick, and disgusting as the other one I did today.

As thank you for the successful abortion Mr. Slave sneezes me and Tammy out of his body.

Well, the mouth is better than the way we came in at least. The three spectral beings who live in Mr. Slaves’ ass appear again, thank me and gift me a crown.

I wait till they vanish to throw it away.

I don’t wanna know where it was and I want to forget all this ever happened.

I make Tammy and myself grow big again.

“Great job!”, praises Mr. Marsh. “You disarmed the snuke. South Park is saved.”

We, girls, give a tired thumbs up.

“Yes. Now let's finish this, bitch. Let's beat Clyde once and for all, and take back the Stick of Truth!”

“Cartman I warn you, my tolerance is really low right now. If you don’t want that I fucking kill you, stop insulting me!”

This shuts him up or maybe my crazy death serious look and our group moves forward to finally face Clyde.

We enter his dark throne room.

Clyde is standing beside a container with the Nazi Zombie goo.

“Fools! You thought you could conquer the Fortress of Darkness!”

“Clyde! Back away from that stuff!”, warns Stan.

“Oh, but I have yet to complete my army! You have come to witness the power of darkness!”

“Stop! Clyde!”, plead King Kyle. “You have no idea what that stuff is!”

“Yeah huh, it's green sauce from Taco Bell. I took it from their construction site.”

“Dude, that's not Taco Bell sauce.”, informs Stan.

“Then why'd I find it at Taco Bell?”

“It leaked out of a UFO, Clyde! It's toxic goo from another galaxy! Think about it! Since when does Taco Bell have a green sauce, dude?”, tells him Cartman.

“Actually, since about a year ago.”, answer him King Kyle, like Fatass asked this really and it wasn’t a rhetorical question.

Me and Tammy roll our eyes as the boys talk about this green sauce of Taco Bell and Clyde being all triumphal since he thinks it’s really this green Taco Bell sauce and not the alien goo.

“Oh my god, can you all stop!”, I shout, losing my nervs. “I crawled up a gay man’s asshole to abort a fucking snuke! I just wanna take a long bad and go to bed and try to forget all this shit. Clyde as the current queen of Kupa Keep give me the fucking Stick of Truth back or I will come over and kick you so hard in the balls that you will talk the rest of your life in a high-pitched voice!”

All the boys make a face at my threat, while Tammy nods in agreement.

“And I will kick too, when she is done!”, she promises.

Clyde is battling for a second with himself, you can clearly see it, but having the Stick of Truth gives him balls.

“You can try, but I have a little surprise for you!”

He lets the green goo flow into a coffin.

…Okay, why didn’t I see it before?

The person who lies in the coffin punches a hole through it and sits up.

It’s a…Nazi-Zombie Chef who sings: “I'm gonna make love to you womannnn...”

All my friends scream, while I just have a WTF-Face.

While we fight him, my friends tell me that he was once the Chef of Elementary School and a good friend of theirs.

Makes me sad for them, that they have to fight their friend.

In the end, Clyde is not happy with Chef’s performance as Nazi Zombie and fucking lits him on fire!

Since I don’t have another choice I send a Dragenshout at him, putting him to rest again.

Now Clyde knows he is fucked and tries to escape, but Fatass blocks him.

“Your eons of torment are at an end, ruler of darkness!”, growls Fatass.

“Um, okay, um, you know what, I'm not playing anymore.”, whines Clyde.

Hah, in the end, he is a little pussy.

“You have broken the rules of the Stick and for that I banish thee. I banish thee...from SPACE AND TIME!”

With that Cartman Sparta kicks Clyde away. He flies off the balcony to the ground below.

Fuck yes, it’s over!

Finally!

“We did it dude!”, shouts Stan happy.

King Kyle turns to me and takes my hands in his.

I blush like a tomato. Doesn’t help that Tammy wiggles her eyebrows at me.

“Dark Magician Queen N.K., your long journey ends here. For all your deeds, and all your time put into this, we all agreed-“

“-Hesitantly-“, calls Cartman in between with a deadpan look, but doesn’t stop it what is happening right now.

“-We all agreed that you shall be the ruler of us all! From now on you will be Dark Magician Empress N.K., the rightful ruler over Zaron and Larnion. Over humans and elves!”

I gasp shocked, while all applaud me, beside Cartman, who just rolls his eyes, but I don’t care.

I don’t care!

They made me Empress, ruler of all the kingdoms!

I can’t.

I look at Tammy and she nods.

Now I know why she said I should bring this along with me…

“Give us a sec!”, tells Tammy, the boys.

We hide together behind a pillar.

Tammy helps me to take off my Dark Magician Girl Cosplay and put on another one.

In my new cosplay I step back to the boys.

All gasp in wonder and I smile prettily.

“Neo Queen Serenity!”, claps Princess Kenny excitedly. “Even with her silver hair!”

Oh god, does this mean, Kenny is a Sailor Moon Fan?! Cool!

I curtesy before my people.

“I will be the best Empress to you and all residents of Zaron and Larnion.”, I promise.

“Quickly, now let's get the Stick back to safety before anyone can do –“

King Kyle can’t even finish his sentence as helicopters appear. From every corner soldiers come…even Eye-Patch-Grandpa is with them!

“We've got her, we've got the Dragonborn.”, shouts Eye-Patch-Grandpa.

Erm…what?

I have suddenly a bad feeling in my stomach.

“The Dragonborn?”, repeats Fatass confused. “What the -- who, what?”

“You can’t run away this time Dragonborn!”, declares Eye-Patch-Grandpa and picks up the Stick of Truth!

“He has the Stick of Truth!”, yells Fatass.

King Kyle turns to me.

“How does this guy know you, Dark Magician Empress N.K.?”

I…I can’t answer him…I’m shaking…I feel like throwing up!

“N.K.?”, whispers Tammy worried, and takes one of my cold hands in hers.

“Dark Magician Empress N.K.? Is THAT what you told them your name was? Why didn't you tell them your REAL name – CODENAME: DOVAHKIIN!”

I…I breath heavy…I’m so…so scarred…flashes are before my eyes…flashes of this man…of these man hunting me!

Even Kyle sees now that I’m ready to freak out and takes my other hand in his.

“N.K., what’s wrong?”

I just grip Tammy and Kyle’s hands tight. I can’t speak! I’m so terrified.

“You don't remember, do you?”, asks Eye-Patch-Grandpa. Well, not really. “How we tried to find you?”

“Look, that Stick belongs with the fighters of Zaron!”, makes Stan clear to him. “Give it back!”

“Fighters of Zaron? Boys and girls what's going on here is much more complex than that. This isn't the first time a UFO has crashed on Earth. You see, in 1947 a UFO crashed in Roswell, New Mexico...”

“Oh, god.”, groans Wizard Fatass.

“Oh, brother, spare us.”, begs Stan annoyed.

“Hang on a sec. A UFO crashed in Roswell and a new government agency was created to investigate the paranormal. Our Agency.”

“Can we skip this? Like, hit the skip button or something?”, wonders Cartman.

“Oh, you don't want to skip this.”

“Yes, we do.”

“Whenever aliens are spotted, vampires run amok, our agency is there and we have never lost a fight. That is...until eleven years ago a certain child was born.”

“Yawn yawn yawn.”

“A child who had an unnatural power inside her. I had been ordered by the President to turn her into an even more powerful weapo, than she already was. So we experimented on her and were successful. The ultimate weapon! But thanks to her parents she slipped through our hands.”

“The government wants the N.K. for her farts?”, say’s Kyle in disbelieve.

“That's dumb.”, adds Stan.

“Her farts? No. Her amazing ability to make friends so quickly on any social network. The day she was born she already had 10 million followers on Facebook. Before she was 5 years old she had 3.2 billion friends on Facebook alone. Do you have any idea the power that kind of gift yields in today's world? It's time to come with us, Dovahkiin. Time to stop resisting and use your gifts for your country.”

“Is he really still talking?”, asks Cartman done with everything.

“Are we really so different, you and I, Dovahkiin?”

“…What about my Magical Girl form?”, I finally found my voice again and…I remember…slowly but surely… ”Is this the result of the experiments you did on me?”

“Ah yes, they are. We wanted you to have extra powers to protect you from any kind of harm. Your social media powers are too valuable to be lost by your early death, so we genetically modified you. It was a success, but instand of using it for your country, you use them to get away from us. You have to do what the government tells you, just like me. We're all just pawns in their game. I'll admit you are fascinating, you have more power than any child I've ever come across. And yet all you seem to really care about... is this.”

Eye-Patch-Grandpa holds the Stick of Truth high above his head.

“It must be very important. What does it do?”

Cartman rolls his eyes.

“Whoever controls the Stick controls the universe, dumbass.”

“Yeah, stupid.”, adds Stan.

“Controls the... but then... I wouldn't have to do what I was told anymore. I could.”, laughs Eye-Patch-Grandpa. “Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAA! I control the universe! Get back. BACK I SAY! ALL OF YOU! I can do anything. ANYTHING I WANT! AHAHAHA!”

Oh my god, he get’s naked!

I throw up a bit in my mouth.

“I no longer need YOU, Dovahkiin... I control the UNIVERSE!”

He runs away and we after him.

Clueless he waves the Stick of Truth around.

“Er ... damn thing! How does it work? Show me how it works!”, Eye-Patch-Grandpa demands.

“Yeah, right.”, scoffs Stan.

“Dovahkiin, why should we be on opposite sides? Join me, Dovahkiin. Rule by my side. Rule... and you can have THIS all to yourself, FOREVER.”, he tries to butter me up. “I can offer you all! Just get me safely out of here, you can rule with this once again.”

“After all you did to me and my family? Hunting us down from one end of the USA to the another?”, I scream and point at him. “You think I would rule with you?! News flash asshole, you can suck my dick and I will stay with my friends!”

All my friends let out agreeing sounds.

Suddenly Princess Kenny steps forward.

Huh?

“Dude, where're you going?”, asks Kyle what we all think.

Princess Kenny just calmly walks up to Eye-Patch-Grandpa and…takes the Stick of Truth from him?!

She lets out an evil laugh.

We all gasp shocked.

“Princess Kenny!”, shouts Wizard Fatass.

“Top Ten most shocking anime betrayals of all time!”, I can’t help but say this.

I’m just…what?

Why?

“At least one of you has some sense.”, says Eye-Patch-Grandpa smugly.

“You'd sell us all out?”, ask King Kyle in a rhetorical fashion.

“But why, Princess Kenny?”, wants Stan to know, like we all.

Suddenly motherfucking Morgan Freeman appears and explains: “Because Princess Kenny was born a half-orc whose entire village was wiped out by humans and elves. You see when humans and elves lived together in the forests of Hollow Falls, an elven queen fell in love with the orc known as Dandar - the first one to possess the Stick of Truth. They loved in secret and had a child, a beautiful little girl, a girl who watched as everyone she loved was killed in cold blood. And that is why she waited... and plotted... all this time. To take the Stick from you. For Princess Kenny is the true heir to the Stick of Truth.”

“Wow, that's pretty cool.”, admins Cartman.

“Just one thing, Morgan Freeman.”, turns King Kyle to the famous actor. “How come every time something convoluted needs explaining you show up?”

“Because every time I show up and explain something, I earn a freckle.”

And there is the freckle he talked about.

Princess Kenny looks at me and holds a hand out.

“Beautiful N.K., join me. We will rule together over Zaron and Larnion as it should be. As powerful queens! Be my wife!”

All gasp, while my mouth meets the floor and I blush crimson red.

If this is not a declaration of love, then I don’t know what else could be.

“H-Hold on!”, intercedes King Kyle and stands before me. He goes down on one knee, taking my hand. “Don’t listen to Princess Kenny! Stay with us! Stay with me! I actually wanted to ask you this in private but…please would you give me your hand in marriage? I know you are already Empress, but nothing would honor me more than be your husband.”

Even more shocked gasps and I turn so red it needs a new name.

“Damn girl, two proposes in one day, you are a legend.”, whisper-shouts Tammy at me with a proud smile.

I send her a look, before I look from Kyle to Kenny and back from Kenny to Kyle.

Oh dammit, what should I do?

They both made clear they want me!

…There is only one way.

I take my hand back from Kyle and step closer to Tammy.

I shake my head.

“I can’t be neither be your queen Kenny or your wife Kyle.”, I begin and look at the floor. Tammy wraps an arm around my shoulders. “And…not why because I don’t like you…the true is…I like you both equally and that’s not fair to either of you…”

After my confession it’s still for a few seconds before Fatass has to say what he thinks: “Thirsty hoe.”

I just look and point at him.

“You got me there.”

Princess Kenny sends me a sad look but doesn’t use the Stick of Truth to command that I shall be on her side. She just turns and runs away from us.

“Princess Kenny, come back here!”, shouts Fatass after her.

We all run after her and Eye-Patch-Grandpa. We conor them on a high platform.

This feels like the true final boss fight.

“Give us the Stick, Princess Kenny. You don't want to go down like this, brah.”, warns Wizard Fatass her.

Our traitor’s Princess just mumbled something we don’t understand and I shit you not we all see an anime opening starring her.

Okay, first Leo with his anime dude power, and now this?!

Where can I learn this shit?

More time to think I don’t have since we all need to kick Princess Kenny’s ass.

Together we beat her easily.

“It's all over, Princess Kenny. The thirsty hoe is too powerful for you.”

“I swerve to god Cartman, you may be right, but stop it, or I kick you in the balls!”

But Princess Kenny is not done with us. Even Stan and Kyle begging her not to do it doesn’t stop her to drink the alien goo turning her into…

“Aaagh! Nazi zombie Princess Kenny!”, screams Fatass.

“Fuck!”, adds King Kyle.

With an angry shout, the Princess storms us.

I don’t know how long we fight.

We kill her, only for her to come back again!

It doesn’t stop!

“She doesn't stay dead! We can't beat her!”, cries Stan.

“Dude, we're fucked! There's no way!”, agrees King Kyle with him.

“There is one way. We're gonna have to break the Gentlemen's Code.”, tells Cartman.

….Oh hell no! I will not do this! Forget it!

Before anyone can do or say something I step forward.

“N.K?”, calls questionly Tammy.

“Let me handle this…there is another way…”

“Oh really and what one Douchebag?!”

“THIS!”, I shout.

I let the energy flow through my whole being transforming me in my Magical Girl form. This time even with music and end pose!

I flick one of my long pink pigtails, pointing at Princess Kenny, while the others, besides Tammy, are in awe.

“Let’s see who is the better anime princess, my lady!”

We both face off against each other.

My golden light attacks hit her strong and fast. They are the perfect weapon against her Nazi-Zombieness.

Again she falls, but before she can revive herself again, I call for my Magical Girl Wand.

It’s actually the Katana I could finally buy from Jimbo, but in my hands, it transforms into a sword-like wand.

“Holy Light Sword Cut Healing Session!”, I shout my attack.

 It hits Princess Kenny!

All geta swarmed over in a brilliant white light. The light heals all the Nazi Zombies and restores all that is broken/destroyed.

Who needs Miraculous Ladybug?

I can with my wand attack and heal in one!

As the sun raises above South Park all is good again….

I’m detransformed, back in my Neo Queen Serenity Cosplay, and hold into Tammy’s arm.

I’m tired and outpowered by this whole fucking night we have lived.

We are with Cartman, Ranger Stan, and King Kyle at Stark Ponds.

The sun’s rays reflected beautifully on the water’s surface.

“You guys sure about this?”, asks us, Kyle.

“There's no other way.”, tells him Cartman.

“It drove our friend to madness and nearly killed us all.”, reminds us, Stan.

I sign.

“Do it Grand Wizard let this be the end of the Stick of Truth.”

I’m surprised Fatass listens to me, he really doesn’t can’t argue with me over that, now can he, and throws the Stick of Truth into the deeps of Stark Ponds.

To be never seen and used again.

This is for the best.

We stand in silence for a few seconds till Cartman asks: “So what do you guys wanna play now?”

“How about Dinosaur Hunters?”, suggests Stan.

“Or Pharaohs and Mummies!”, is Kyle’s idea.

“Let's ask Douchebag!”, surprisingly Cartman says. “What do you wanna play next, bitch?”

Tammy and I stare at them, then at each other, and then back to them.

“…..I think I will go to bed. I’m tired as fuck. Wanna sleepover Tammy?”

“Yes, thank you. Let’s take a bath before we go to bed. I need to wash away this fucking night.”

I nod in agreement and we girls turn to walk away.

With my back to them, I wave at the three boys.

“Bye Kyle and Stan and screw you Cartman!”

I can hear how Cartman says: “Wow. What a dick.”

“To you not to us.”

“Yeah, the Empress likes me and has admitted to having a crush on the king.”

“Screw you guys, I’m going home!”

We, girls, look at each other and shake our heads.

Boys!

Next

Support me on Ko-Fi!

Join my Tumblr for updates and news!

[jewbeloved]

Nah but fr if the male reader caught Clyde in his room stealing his clothes or accessories, he'll pick him up, carry him to the other room where others are, sit him down, and lock his room so that he wouldn't come. 💀

Craig team with 1 year older, tall, rich, outgoing male reader.

Cuddles. Image: they are sitting and the male reader comes up quietly, sit down behind them, and hugs them while hiding his face in their neck, cause either he had a bad day or is just tired. 🤭 I literally feel like he would carry them just like some puppies, like when he wants to go to another room (this is an example XD) he just stands up and picks them up one by one and carries them to the room, when he is done he act like nothing happened and continues do what he wants too. Sometimes when he gets cold and his hands get the coldest, he likes to put them onto their back neck or under the shirt to warm up. I mean it doesn't matter where, but they won't escape cause he leans into them or holds them. (The suffering😭) 

The hairstyle:

The clothes:

The earrings:

I Heard Your Beauty Inspired An Artistic Movement Called "Perfectionism".

Team Craig with a rich cuddly s/o🥰🖤💝

Warnings: None

Gender: Male

💙❤️ Craig and those guys 💛🤎🖤

They honestly see you as a puppy that craves for attention, they find it so cute 🥺

They would be pretty embarrassed to be picked up and held like a puppy, but since it's you they don't mind it that much. You'd be careful when holding Jimmy since he's disabled and wearing crutches, make sure to not drop him. 😅

But you just wanted to pick them up and take them to another room for affection and whatnot, you could've just asked, they don't mind showering you with love.

You like cuddling inside their shirt as they're wearing it? They definitely get flustered at that.

When you're distracted by the others, Clyde would use this as an opportunity to sneak into your closet and steal some of your accessories to wear. He likes wearing your stuff tbh.

If you find out though, you would just pick him up and bring him to the others and lock your closet so he doesn't steal your stuff again, but he might picklock it ;-;

If you put a password on your closet, Clyde would definitely eavesdrop on you typing out the password so when you leave, he'll enter the code to get inside your closet.

Your stuff isn't safe from Clyde 😭🖤🤎💛❤️💙

Sorry this was short, and I apologize for not doing your request sooner.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating J.D.

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous and @poruchik-logy​)

(Sorry about the inactivity lately. With the holidays coming up, I’ve been a bit busy. Plus, I’ve written a post or two on my other blogs which means no post on this one. Anyways, hope you enjoy!)

- You meet J.D. when he transfers to your school. You’re in study hall when you just so happen to look up and make eye contact with the boy while glancing around the room. 

- For the rest of the period, you feel like someone's watching you, and lo and behold, every time you sneak a glance his way, his eyes are on you. He doesn’t even try to hide the fact that he was looking, he just raises an eyebrow at you when you turn and meet his gaze. 

- You spot him in the lunchroom later that day and ask your friends about him though they don’t have much information besides his name and where he moved from which they got from one of their teachers forcing him to introduce himself to the class. He was a mystery …and boy were you intrigued. 

- You have your first conversation at the local Snappy Snack Shack. You’d just popped in to grab a little junk food, only to find him stalking through the store in his black trench coat. You figured you’d dance around each other until one of you left but before you knew it, he’d sauntered up to you and interjected that you looked familiar. 

- Before you knew it, the two of you had introduced yourselves and began a sort of flirtatious conversation. He bought you a slushy and offered you a ride home on his bike which you coyly accepted after a moment of nervous hesitation. 

- It was that same night that he returned to your house, rapping at your window and damn near giving you a heart attack. Even though it was terrifying at first, it was also sort of endearing and you soon found yourself joining him outside.

- Now, It’s your choice whether or not you sleep together that night. If you do then consider yourself kissed and claimed from then on. If you don’t, he’ll continue to show up at your house or hang around you at school until he gets what he wants. You. 

- You suppose that your first date happened at the Snack Shack so from then on, the two of you were sort of seeing each other. Well, one of his favorite things to do with you is not be at home so the two of you were hanging out in an empty lot.

- The sun went down and you were sitting in the dark, the glow of the moon being the only thing lighting up your date. You were sitting down and he was lingering on his feet somewhere behind him, sorta pacing from what you could hear. 

- He knelt down beside you and you turned your head to look at him, only to immediately get pulled into a kiss that all but had you melt into the floor. It was passionate and somewhat rough, exactly what you’d expect from him. And you wouldn’t have it any other way. 

- Well, he most certainly isn’t letting you go after that. I hope you like him babe because you’re not getting rid of him anytime soon. 

- This man is fully willing to makeout with you in public. So yeah, there’s a lot of Pda.

- His hands are pretty much on you at all times.

- Pecks on the lips. He loves when you just give him a kiss for no reason at all.

- Rough, passionate kisses. He asserts his dominance by hooking his arms around you and pulling you into a searing kiss until you can’t breathe.

- He definitely calls you “woman” and a ton of other pet names ranging from cute to just plain annoying. 

- He never would have imagined a girl like you would actually put up with him for so long …but boy is he thankful you have.

- He’s a little shit and that’s just something you’ll have to live with. He’s blunt, conniving and sarcastic, but he does care about you.

- He pretends like he doesn’t give a shit a lot of the time but he does, more than he cares to admit.

- Surprisingly enough, JD actually really likes cuddling. You’ll usually lay with your legs intertwined and your head resting against his chest while he wraps his arms tight around you. 

-  Jason's father sort of ignores him, they aren’t very close and certainly not close enough to be sharing affection besides; maybe, a pat on he back or something similar. So he craves attention and affection.

- He yearns for you to touch and love him but he doesn’t know how to tell you that he wants you to suffocate him with your own body. He’ll just try to repeat whatever it is he did to make you touch him or touch you until you do something to him.

- Hugs from behind.

- Husky whispers in your ear. He does it on purpose because he knows what it does to you.

- Motorcycle rides. 

- Trying to get him to quit smoking. It never actually works but he; somewhat, tries to cut down on it for your sake. He thinks the fact that you care is sorta amusing. 

- Cutting class together.

- Going shooting with him. The beer bottles and porcelain plates kind of shooting, not the Ram and Kurt kind of shooting. 

- Dark humor. Although, sometimes you genuinely don’t know if he’s joking or not. 

- He can always seem to make you laugh, even if it makes you feel guilty to laugh at some off the stuff he says.

-  Hearing an alarming amount of gun and bomb facts. 

- Going to Snappys Snack Shack with him.

- Junk food binges.

- He’s kind of a stalker if I’m being honest. He follows you around without you knowing, finds out everything he can about you, etc. You’re sort of like an obsession of his and that can be good or bad depending on the situation and to what extent you know about his feelings. 

- He knows practically everything about you, ranging from your birthday to where you are at pretty much any given time.

- He’s not too great at all that lovey dovey shit but he tries. It might take him a little while to get the hang of it but he eventually will. 

- Getting him to play the sax for you.

- Having his hand on your thigh whenever he’s driving. 

- Making out.

- Hickeys.

- He likes when you wear his clothes, it’s like marking his territory without getting in trouble for making your neck different colors.

- Listening to morbid music.

- Deep existential conversations. What else do you talk about with your girlfriend besides the meaning of life and why society will ultimately cave in and destroy itself in a violent revolt?

- Late night phone calls from him. Be prepared to rush to your landline at three a.m. so that you don’t wake up your parents. You can’t even really be mad at him because he’ll just immediately launch into either a spiel about how he missed you or ask what your opinion on Manchurian candidates are; successfully silencing you in bewilderment. 

- Getting random knocks at your window whenever he decides he just has to see you. 

- Your parents either love or hate him, there is no inbetween. He’s generally pretty good at playing the role of the upstanding young man who cares a lot about their daughter; that parts real of course, but occasionally a parent will just get a bad vibe from him and his charade; though convincing, just won’t work on them. 

- If that’s the case with your parents then you’ll sort of be forced to sneak out if you want to see him, which he’s particularly good at helping you do. 

- Getting kept away from his father. He tries to keep your interactions to a minimum, especially if you have a much different personality than to the man.

- Incredibly jealous though he’ll always try to hide just how upset whatever situation you’re in makes him. He makes jokes and “forgets about it” as soon as you join his side, convincingly acting like nothing happened or that he saw nothing wrong with it but staying up the rest of the night wondering what he can do about it. 

- Possessive. You’re each others, aren’t you? He’s yours and you’re his. Everybody belongs to someone and the two of you belong to one another. 

- Is he protective? What do you think? If you ever complain about a person bothering you, he’ll almost immediately ask if you want him to kill them. You think it’s a joke. It’s not. 

- Although it may seem like he does things just for his own benefit, he would genuinely do anything you ask of him. Sometimes he’ll surprise you with the lengths that he goes to make your life easier and happier. 

- He’s hot tempered and kind of an asshole so the two of you are; most likely, almost constantly fighting. You’ll usually be yelling at each other or arguing passionately which is a problem because he thinks you’re hot when you’re angry. He’ll usually wind up trying to kiss you which succeeds in making things worse and having you give him the silent treatment/break up. 

- He tries his best to give you your space but the instant you want him back, he’s all over you. He usually never actually apologizes but he doesn’t force you to when you’re in the wrong either so you suppose it’s fair. 

- I love you’s are few and far between. He doesn’t really want to make himself seem too vulnerable so you only get them on rare occasions. 

- The two of you tend to not talk about the future. He wants to be with you forever; which is obvious, and he wants you to be his; which is also obvious. But you don’t know if you’re entirely sure you can handle him. So, you try to just enjoy the time you’re spending together and not think about how things may end. 

- You’re either the Bonnie to his Clyde or his blissfully unaware darling. Pick your poison. 

[sushigal007]

Ugh, sorry this took so long, I wrote half of this and then Tumblr ate it. So! Over to the Ramaswami’s, where Priya is demonstrating why Tumblr needs a NSFW toggle.

Don’t ask where she’s hiding that mobile phone.

Secret Sue: Just so you know, we do have a dress code, and that dress code is clothes.

Anyway, here’s Rani! Probably.

Adequate parenting? In MY game?

Well... sometimes.

Clyde: This, by the way, is why I end up becoming the evil twin.

And here’s Sanjay, thrilled about snow. Sanjay: It’s so cool! Getting the dad jokes in early, I see.

Matthew: Please invite me in before my chain mail rusts.

Competent Nanny - The Legend Continues!

Matthew: But can she powder this ass!?

Marissa: Eggs though?

Sanjay: I could sleep. So do it, I’m not stopping you.

Sanjay: You’re sure as shit not helping me.

That’s not a bed.

That’s also... hmm... Sanjay and Priya:

Oh, OK, seems I can’t interact with the bed, oops! I’ll just do a lil force error aaaaand...

Success!

Nanny: How do you suck so badly at this, Matt?

Ballet!

Hi Lazlo! Lazlo: HACK HACK COUGH COUGH. Bye Lazlo!

Priya: I mean, the great thing about a Victoria Sponge is that it uses basic ingredients and doesn’t cost much. Who wants to waste £40 and a whole day whipping up a mad trifle though?

Clyde grows up! He’s a fancy little guy!

And it’s straight on the pot.

Rani next!

Priya: I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME!

Nothing a little TV time with Mary-Sue can’t fix.

Or, y’know, that works too.

So nice to see that parenthood hasn’t affected their love life.

Even though it’s trying really hard.

Baby goes on floor?

Baby goes on floor.

Sanjay: Can you not flush the toilet when I’m showering!? Priya: Maybe you should not shower when I’m using the toilet?

Nanny: Who needs outerwear when there’s men this hot out?

Toddler training!

Toddler trained!

Is there some reason you decided to grill sausages in the snow? Sanjay: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Nanny: Peek a boo!

And then more toddler training.

Clyde: That’s right, give me the good shit.

Speaking of... Sanjay: You disgust me.

Priya: Wanna take a break from childcare and make out? Sanjay: Absolutely!

Sanjay: *motorboats*

Then back to childcare.

Decided it was about time I gave the nanny a nice, comfy makeover. Carmen: Maybe next you can try remembering my name. I’ll give it a go!

Well that was a fucking waste of time, wasn’t it.

Oh, in case you were wondering, Clyde really wasn’t joking about being the evil twin.

Jesus Christ, Clyde.

He does have his adorable moments though. Clyde: GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN EAT YOU.

Townie: Ugliest man alive. Sanjay: I don’t have to take this from a townie with glitch-tone hair.

Today I learned Sims can hold toddlers while they learn charisma!

More of this.

Priya: Ew, disgusting. Time to clean.

Once again, that was a fucking waste of time, wasn’t it.

Clyde: Bitch.

Priya: Nope nope nope I already cleaned that toilet twice.

Clyde: You were done with that, right? Rani: No!

Clyde: Wow, that’s too bad, ‘cause it’s mine now.

Rani: BETRAYAL!

Sanjay: Damn, did she throw up in here too? Quite possibly.

But before we have to deal with any new babies, let’s deal with the old ones.

First to grow up is Clyde. Clyde: I wish Matthew was my dad.

Nope.

Natasha: But is it art?

And then it’s Rani’s turn.

I’m just... going to ignore that. They’re getting new clothes anyway.

Sanjay: Hey, cutie.

Heather: True love. You’re at his kid’s birthday- Heather: TRUE. LOVE.

Anyway, here’s Clyde with clothes. For some reason, he looks permanently exhausted. Clyde: Evil is a full time job. Yeah OK shut up, Megamind.

And here’s Rani. She also looks knackered. Rani: It’s hard work being the good one.

Clyde: *torment*torment*torment* Rani: For example, I have to put up with this bullshit.

There’s always time for ponies though.

This would be a cute family picture if half of these people weren’t random gatecrashing strangers.

Pop!

So now Priya’s showing, I let her relax at home while Sanjay took the twins to the park.

Clyde: I’m in space, maaaan!

Rani: Tee hee.

And then Sanjay abandons his children to go gambling. Sanjay: Hey, could be worse, this could be that strip poker table you have. True!

The twins rolled a want for playground equipment and now Rani lives there.

Ah, now this is a nice family bonding picture.

And I couldn’t not post a nice, family dinner, could I?

Another pop!

But for now we’ll leave Priya and Sanjay literally necking. Sanjay: Honestly, I have zero complaints about the height mod, I’m exactly where I want to be.

Uberhood Index

[hockeynascarfan91258]

Chapter 6

Eden ended up going to see Chase race at Vegas and then at Pheonix.   Then that was when the world shut down.   Covid 19 was running wild and everyone had to quarantine.     Eden went back to Dawsonville with Chase and Fletch.   They were locked in together and loving every second of it. They were loving the married life and also watching as Eden's body changed as the babies grew inside her. Chase was loving being there for everything from her first craving to her first check up.    He even got books to help them prepare.   But what Chase enjoyed the most was her hormones and how horny it made her. They had lots of sex christening different places in their new house because of them.    They online shopped and started to put the nursery together.   It was going to be so cute. Obviously it was going to be a racing theme.   But as spring settled into Summer that was when their biggest fear happened.   Hockey was going to return to play and Eden had to return to Pittsburgh for work. Eden was now five months pregnant and starting to show. They were scared what would happen if Sid found out.

Chase was flying her there before heading to Pocono for his race.   Eden was sitting in the cock pit with him.   She had her head on his shoulder.     They had just landed in Pittsburgh.

"I really wish you didn't have to go to Toronto into a bubble." Chase says.

"I know baby I don't want to either." Eden says.

"I don't care about that damn bubble.   If you need me I will be there." Chase says.

"I know baby.   Now go before you are late.   Go win that race for me." Eden says.

"I will baby.   Please stay safe." Chase says.

"I will, you too." Eden says.

They share a few kisses and then Eden gets off the plane.    She gets into her car that was waiting for her and heads to her apartment.   She wasn't looking forward to going back to camp tomorrow and she didn't want to face Aid or Kris but she had no choice.   She got herself settled back in.    She watched the race that had just ended.    Chase won and she was so happy.   She was sad she wasn't there but happy none the less.   

"I want to shout out to my princess Eden.   This win is for you baby.   I love you." Chase says.  

He then finished his interview.    Eden made dinner.    She then showered and got ready to wind  down knowing camp would come early the next morning.     She had her Chase shirt and lounge pants.     She was drinking her one glass of wine.   

That  was when there was a knock at the door.    Eden goes to see who it was.   It was Sid.

"What do you want?" Eden asks through the door.

"Please let me in Eden I am sorry about how I acted the last time we saw each other." Sid says.

"You mean when you almost killed me?" Eden snaps as she opened the door.

"I'm sorry baby.   Please forgive me." Sid says walking through uninvited.

"Please leave.   I don't want you here." Eden says.

"No baby please.   I love you." Sid says.

"Well I don't love you." Eden says.

"You don't mean that baby." Sid says.

"I am not your baby.   I am married now and it's not to you." Eden yells.

"Wait what?" Sid says.

"That's right I'm married.   Mrs. Chase Elliott.   So please leave." Eden says.

Sid grabs her by her hair tugging her into her room.

"Ow you are hurting me." Eden cries.

"I don't give a fuck." Sid yells throwing her through the door into the wall.

Eden made sure her stomach didn't take the brunt.    Sid started punching her over and over.   Eden was so scared.    He throws her back onto the bed.   He takes his tie off.     He  ties her to the bed.

"Please don't hurt me." Eden begs him.

"Shut up whore." Sid yells slapping her in the face.

He then rips her shirt and bra.

"Stop it no." Eden screams fighting to get loose.

Sid rips her pants off and shreds her panties.    He then undressed and slams into her.

"No no no no." Eden cries over and over.

"Shut up bitch.   Don't ruin my fuck.  You know you want it.   Because you are a whore." Sid says as he goes harder.

"No stop." Eden cries louder.

Sid kept going until he comes hard inside her.    He then starts to move again thrusting in and out.    Eden cries and cries.    Finally Sid pulls out of her.   He then pumps his shaft with his hand a few times until he cums hard splattering it all over Eden.   In her face, across her breasts and along her stomach.     He then gets up and puts his clothes back on.

"You want out of this baby.   The only way out is this way." Sid says.

"Please don't hurt me." Eden begs.

"If I can't have you no one will." Sid says laughing.   

He leaves the room and Eden hoped he had left.   She was almost out of the tie.   That was when he came back.     He doused everything in gasoline.

"What are you doing?" Eden asks.

"I'm going to send you out in a blaze of glory baby.    And Chase is about to become a widower." Sid says laughing.

"God let me go please." Eden cries.

"Nope." Sid says.

He lights a match dropping it to the ground.

"No please." Eden cries.

"Burn bitch burn." Sid says.

He then leaves she heard the door slam shut behind him.

"I got to get out of here.   I can not leave Chase and these babies need me." Eden says.

She couldn't get the tie off as much as she tried.   It was getting Smokey and she knew she was going to die.  

"Eden fuck oh my god Eden." Chase says.

"Chase?" Eden asks.

"Yes it's me baby.   I'm coming to get you." Chase says.

Finally he was in her view.   He untied the tie and picks her up.    Chase carries her off the bed.    That was when she blacked out.

**************************

Eden woke up foggy not knowing where she was or what was going on.

"Shh princess it's okay.   You are in the hospital." Chase says kissing her head.

"The babies?" Eden asks.

"They are fine baby." Chase says

Eden saw she was hooked to a fetal monitor and could see their heart beats.  

"Wow." Eden says.

"Yes strong and steady like their mother baby." Chase says.

"How did you get here?" Eden asks.

"I got on my plane as soon as I was done media. Chase says.

"Are you hurt baby? Oh god." Eden asks worried.

"Nope baby not a burn or scratch on me. I am glad I just grabbed my bag and Fletch and tore out of there not changing." Chase says.

That was when Eden noticed he was still in his fire suit.

"God that fire suit. And your quarantine hair baby makes me want you." Eden says.

"I know baby,  but not right now.   You just came out of a fire where you were burned a little and you were raped." Chase says.

"Oh god you know." Eden asks horrified.

"Yes baby I know.   I saw how your clothes were ripped and he came all over you.   He is sick and they have enough evidence I hope to get him." Chase says.

"Did they do a rape kit?" Eden asks.

"Yes baby they did.   You were out of it.   But I made sure they did." Chase says kissing her head.

"I love you Clyde." Eden says snuggling against him.

Fletch climbed up wanting snuggles too.

"The hospital felt bad for him being by himself in the car.    They let me bring him in once I proved he had his shots." Chase says.

"My fur baby." Eden says.

"Yes I want him to stay with you.   You are going to be in here for a few days recovering and I have to go race.    He is going to stay and be your guard dog." Chase says.

"Okay I won't mind that. He can cuddle me when you are gone." Eden says.

"Just a few hours on race day baby." Chase says.

"Okay." Eden says.

They moved her to Labor and Delivery so they could keep and eye on the twins and treat her burns. Thankfully they weren't as bad as they could be.

***********************

It's been a few days since the fire and Eden was doing well. Chase was taking care of her helping her with her burns which were healing. Fletch was loving all the attention he was getting from the nursing staff and from Eden.    Chase was getting ready to leave to go to the race.   He would fly there race and then come back. He comes out of the bathroom seeing Fletch laying on Eden's belly.

"Well isn't that just adorable." Chase says.

"Fletch is such a good big brother." Eden says.

"I see that.    But I'm glad." Chase says. 

He had put on his fire suit.   So he could go and get in the car.

"Damn baby. Looking hot as ever I just want to strip that fire suit off you." Eden says sitting up.

Fletch groans but gets up and moves. Eden gets up and pulls Chase to her.

"Mmm baby." Chase moans.

"God I want you baby it's been so hard laying beside you and not touching you or kissing you or making love to you." Eden says.

"Hmm baby we have time but got to make it fast." Chase says as he needed her just as badly.

Eden quickly undoes his fire suit sliding the top half down his body. She the tugs his under shirt out and up over his head. Running her fingers down his chest.

"God Eden." Chase moans.

"God I love watching your body react to my touch to my kisses." Eden says.

"I yearn for them baby." Chase says.

She pushes his fire suit down past his thighs a long with his boxers and he steps out of them. He pulls her pants down followed by her panties.

"Please Clyde I need you." Eden begs.

Chase lays her back onto her back as he gently pushes into her.

"God baby you're like coming home." Chase moans.

"God Clyde." Eden moans wrapping her legs around his waist.

She pulls him in deeper.

"Fuck baby god." Chase moans he wanted to go slow but he had to go harder.

"Harder baby please." Eden begs digging her nails into his back.

"Eden oh Eden." Chase calls out as he cums hard inside her.

"Clyde oh Clyde." Eden moans as her orgasm shatters around her and she cums with him.

They lay there riding it out. Eden snuggles up against him.

"Sorry baby but I have to go." Chase says.

"I Know. Go win the race and come back to me just like that." Eden says.

"Okay baby. I will." Chase says.

"We can shower together and more of what we just did." Eden says.

"Okay baby." Chase says.

He quickly dresses. He then kisses her belly twice and then her lips. Fletch had jumped back onto the bed.

"Take care of mama buddy." Chase says petting him.

He then left to head to the race.

********************

Eden hated him leaving but knew he was doing what he loved and that is what mattered to her. Fletch was laying with her and she turned on the race.

"Let's watch daddy race. "Eden says kissing his nose.

He licked her back in reply. She was enjoying the snuggles from him. She grabbed her phone to send Chase a quick text.

"Good luck Chase. I love you and can't wait for you to come back to my arms." Eden texts.

"Thanks Mrs. Elliott. I can't wait either. Soon baby soon. I love you more. Get some rest." Chase texts back.

She smiled. She saw that Penguins got eliminated from the Bubble after loosing to Montreal. And on Sid's birthday none the less to add insult to injury. Eden put her phone down. She watched the race. Chase won so she was so happy. Sucked she couldn't be there with him. She watched his interview.

"Chase is that a wedding band we see on your finger?" the announcer asks.

"Yes it is. Sorry ladies I am off the market." Chase replies.

"Is it the girl who was with you in Daytona and Vegas?" They asks.

"Yes it is. I am happy and that is all I am saying. Well besides I love you Princess and this race is for you." Chase replies.

They then ask him questions about the race and the car. Eden was grinning from ear to ear. It was great. Not long after the phone buzzed.

"Hey Mrs. Elliott I am headed to the airstrip and then I will be on my way back to you baby. Ryan is flying with me to help with Fletch and to also help bring you back to Dawsonville." Chase texts.

"Sounds good Mr. Elliott. I will see you and Ry soon. Fly safe baby." Eden texts back.

She then sits her phone down. She couldn't wait to see Chase. And she really couldn't wait to go home and live in peace. She wouldn't have to think about Pittsburgh or Sid for a while. They didn't have a date yet for when the 2021 season would start.

Eden dozed off. A little bit later the nursing staff came in and leashed Fletch they were taking him outside to use the bathroom. Not long after they left Eden heard the door open.

"Oh thank god you are back." Eden says thinking it was Chase.

"Aww did the little whore miss me?" Sid says.

"What are you doing here?" Eden says hitting the button on her call light.

"Now why did you have to go and do that." Sid says hitting the button and turning it off.

"Please just leave me alone." Eden cries.

"Not till I finished what I started." Sid says.

"HELP ME PLEASE!" Eden screams out.

She had hit the button to call Chase on her cell phone. She did it without Sid seeing her hoping that he would be close enough that he would answer it. She noticed that it was connected. She hit the speaker phone button.

"Shut up you fucking whore, no one is coming to rescue you." Sid says slapping her in the face.

Eden cries.

"I told you once if I can't have you no one will." Sid says.

He grabs her throat and starts strangling her. Eden tried to claw at him but that only made him get more aggressive. She was just about to loose consciousness when Sid let go. The nursing staff had let Fletch back in and he had knocked Sid off of her and was attacking him. Eden was gasping for air. That was when a million people entered the room.

"Princess are you okay?" Chase asks rushing to her side.

"Clyde oh god Clyde." Eden says wrapping her arms around him.

"I got you princess." Chase says rubbing her back kissing her head.

Eden just kept taking in deep breaths. Security had called the police and they came and took Sid away. Eden was going to press charges. Fletch jumped up on the bed beside Eden.

"Good boy Fletch protecting Mama. Good boy." Chase says.

"Sid is in police custody. They will be coming back later to get Eden's statement." Ryan says.

"Okay. Can you ask the charge nurse if she can be moved somewhere else until she is ready to be moved?" Chase asks.

"On it." Ryan says.

Chase was still holding Eden and she was clinging to him.

"Thank god you got here when you did." Eden says.

"I think Fletch is to thank for this one baby." Chase replies.

"He saved my life. Oh god the babies." Eden says.

"Calm down baby. We will have them take a look at them okay. It is going to be okay." Chase says kissing her head.

They moved Eden to another room and had it hidden from record so no one could find it. The doctor came in and accessed her. She was fine. They hooked her up to a fetal monitor. The babies were doing good no distress.

"Can we have a sonogram done just to be sure. I want to see them." Eden says.

"We can do that. Just to put your mind at ease." The doctor says.

"Thank you." Eden replies.

"Yes thank you." Chase says.

They wheel in the sonogram machine. Eden lifts up her gown. They put gel on her belly and run the wand along it. The screen came to life. They could see the babies crystal clear and they both seemed to be un phased by what happened.

"Would you guys like to know the sex of each?" The doctor asks.

"Well baby do you want to know?" Eden asks looking up at Chase.

"I do baby, but do you?" Chase asks.

"I do baby.   So we can start planning the names." Eden replies.

"Okay.    Well it looks like baby a is a boy and baby b is a girl."  The doctor says.

"Aww princess a boy and a girl." Chase says kissing her head.

"I am so happy." Eden says.

"Me too." Chase replies.

They print them both a copy.   Chase kisses her head as he puts his hands on her belly.   Eden puts her hands over his.

"I love our little family." Eden says.

"Me too." Chase replies.

They snuggle together falling asleep.

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright, because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright, because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lieNow I know we said things, did things

That we didn't mean and we fall back into the same patterns

Same routine, but your temper's just as bad, as mine is

You're the same as me, when it comes to love, you're just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn't you

Baby it was me, maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems

Maybe that's what happens When a tornado meets a volcano

All I know is I love you too much, to walk away now

Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk

Don't you hear sincerity, in my voice when I talk?

Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball

Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the dry wall

Next time, there will be no next time

I apologize even though I know it's lies

I'm tired of the games, I just want her back, I know I'm a liar

If she ever tries to fucking leave again

I'm a tie her to the bed and set this house on fireJust gonna stand there and watch me burn

But that's alright, because I like the way it hurts

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry

But that's alright, because I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

I love the way you lie

[eddiesfaerie]

41-Kisses shared under an umbrella with young clyde please please pleaseeeee

omg i love this! thank you for sending it in!

1k words: fluff, young Clyde, young reader, is this both of their first kisses??? i guess?? (i know the gif is Sackler i just didnt know what to put for young clyde lol)

Your sneakers were covered in mud, as were Clyde’s, as the two of you ran through the back of his parent’s crop fields.

He dared you, thinking he could out run you. But you were confident that you could beat him. You used to be the fastest kid in the third grade. But now, at seventeen, that special talent of yours has seemed to fade away.

Clyde passed you near the end, you think he had given you a head start because he passed you almost too easily. You huffed, defeated and embarrassed.

“Aww, don’t start poutin’ now. I beat you fair n’square.” Clyde boasts, a proud smile on his face. You roll your eyes, crossing your arms and kicking some mud around with your stained shoes. While you were running you had kicked up some mud onto your jeans, staining them a bit as well. Your mom would know how to fix it, so you didn’t worry too much.

You look up to the sky when you hear a low rumble emanate from the dark clouds crowding overhead. You feel a drop land on your eyebrow, then on your cheek.

“That’s not good.” Clyde mumbles, seemingly to himself, looking up at the sky as well. You look to a tree off in the distance towards Clyde’s house. You could take shelter under there if it really started coming down.

“Race you to that tree!” You shout at Clyde, not giving him a moment to realize you had already started running. He calls after you, quickly picking up his pace and coming to meet you, but this time he trails behind slightly.

The rain starts coming down as you make your way to the tree, nearly half way there. You shriek and try to run faster, the raindrops dropping faster now, soaking your clothes as well as Clyde’s.

You run into the trunk of the tree, your hands coming out in front of you to lean and stop yourself against its rough bark. It scratches your palms

“I win!” You proclaim, voice completely out of breath. The tall stump and wide branches shelter you both from the oncoming storm.

“That’s cause I let ya win.” Clyde huffs, his voice sounding tired too. You roll your eyes and lean back against the trunk of the tree, watching as the rain pelts down just outside of the perimeter of the tree. Clyde leans back next to you, both of you catching your breath and watching the rain fall, it was actually very calming.

You feel his left hand swaying next to yours, his flesh warm, so warm you can feel it radiating off of him. Absentmindedly, you let the back of your hand graze against his, knocking your knuckles together. Your breath catches in your throat at the contact… you had never held hands with someone before, only your other girls friends but that didn’t count. This was Clyde…

A loud flash of lightning lights up the sky, almost immediately followed by the deafening clap of thunder. You jump at the sudden loud noise, sort of falling into Clyde but he holds you upright, chuckling softly. Not laughing at you for being scared, no, he didn’t like that you were scared. He was just laughing because he found you so damn cute. His hands hold your shoulders, making you turn to face him properly.

Another flash and clap roll on through the West Virginian hills and you jump again, this time more obviously into Clyde’s arms. 

Clyde was a lot bigger than most boys your age. Not only was he taller, but he was also built wider, stronger. Like his body was meant to gain muscle as he got older. He was only eighteen, only a year older than you, and already you felt like he could crush you if he really wanted to. 

His arms were warm as they held you to his chest, both of your clothing stuck to your bodies from the rain, your hair drooping much like his.

“S-sorry, I got scared-” You stuttered, trying to make the situation less awkward. Your hands rested against his biceps, squeezing them but not on purpose. You felt so weird, awkward.

“It’s fine, darlin’.” Your heart fluttered at the nickname, he had never called you that before. You didn’t even realize just how close together you two really were until your noses bumped together from how Clyde was leaning down to be more at your level. 

Clyde said your name, said it real quietly.

“Yeah?” You whispered back.

“Can… can I kiss you?” You felt like your heart would burst out of your chest.

“Yeah.”

Clyde pressed his lips to your tentatively. Letting them brush together for a moment before he really pushed them together. He held you close to him as your lips moved against one another, letting you feel just how soft his lips really were, just how they looked. His little mustache tickled you and you giggled into his mouth. That made him hold you to him tighter. You wrapped your arms around his neck. You didn’t stop kissing until another roll of thunder came on through the field. You yelped again and hid your face in Clyde’s neck.

“Sorry.” You mumbled into his cool and wet skin. His hair dripped onto your face but you didn’t mind it.

“Why don’t we head on inside, darlin’?” You nodded your head. He took your hand in his as you both prepared to run out into the rain again.

You both dashed as fast as you could, your eyes squinting so much you couldn’t see what was in front of you so you just let Clyde lead the way. You neared his backyard and his grip on your hand tightened as he pulled you along.

“Clyde Logan get in here!” His mama yelled from the screen door before closing it behind her. Clyde flushed pink as he turned to look back at you. You couldn’t help but kiss him again, pressing your body flush against his like before. You liked the way it felt, liked the way he held you.

“W-wanna join us for dinner?” He stuttered, holding your waist in his hands. A smile split your face in two.

“I’d really like that.”

[impala1967dwinchester]

Baby Fever IV

*Not my gif*

Word Count: 1k

Mention of All befriended people of the Winchester boys 

Masterlist

Christmas had gone wonderful the tree sitting bright everyday. Hunts were tolerable nothing too dramatic or bizarre. The new year was stupendous the boys hadn’t made any foolish choices just yet. Sam and Dean had ended up treasuring their gifts. Dean had gotten a few things for his brother and a few things for me.

Recap:

“I’m so sorry Y/n. I didn’t mean to take advantage of you.” Sam said going to sit down at the now-empty table. “Sam, it’s fine. I kinda liked it.” I said the blush rising in my face.

I went over to Sam kissing his forehead, and said “good night Sam,”

I went into my room putting together the boy’s baskets, full of things that I assumed that the boys would like.

Some things were crazy, some were more sentimental. Sam on the other hand had thought about his gifts, clothes for Dean since he had a problem with washing his clothes after a rather gruesome hunt. Sam had also gotten Dean a few magazines, along with a new pair of boots. He also gave Dean a card inside of which held a gift card for the new year of pies. Something that Dean stood and hugged his brother for.

For me, Sam had gotten a few of the same things, new boots, new clothing. The different things were such as a heart necklace, the stone was blue with diamonds that crested the outline of the heart. And a new pair of jammies.

His brother went to tease him. “Oh look at you giving special gifts to Y/n” “Dean shut up, Or I’ll take your gift-card back,” Sam said with raised eyebrows. Dean pouted and then apologized.

“Do you like it?” Sam asked me. I giggled, looking up at him. “Can you help me put it on?” I asked. I heard a snort come from Dean as he looked up from his phone. “Of course Y/n” I pulled my hair to the side letting Sam drape the necklace over my chest. “All done.” I heard Sam say I let my hair go and turning.

He looking tracing the silver chain down to the crevice of my chest. “It looks good.” He smiled and winked at me. The new year was amazing the boys had gathered a few friends, a small party. Sam had decorated the map room and library. A mistletoe sitting above the entire way of the library. Something that I assume Dean or Sam forgot to take down. Food and drinks lining the table. A few poppers and glow sticks alongside the drinks.

Dean had invited Charlie, Jody, Donna, Rowena, Kevin, Garth, his wife, and his kids, Castiel, and of course Claire with her girlfriend Kaia. Like I had said before it was a rather small party. Dean had dragged his TV out of his room placing it at the end of the table in the library and looked for a news channel.

“So what’s up with the mistletoe?” Jody asked. Dean turned around “Shit, I forgot that. Whatever.” Jody chuckled

Finally, after drinking and dancing, it was closer to the end of the year. We immediately started to pair up with people sitting together and just being happy. I hadn’t been paying attention when I felt a large hand grab my hand. When I looked up it was Sam I sighed in contentment.

At that moment I think he had kind of made a whole life with me in his head. His bright smile only becomes brighter whenever he talked to me. His broad chest and ridged shoulders dropping when I grabbed his wrapped my arms around his neck.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see, Rowena smiling and watching the television. She winked at me. She had become a motherly figure to Sam and was always there on her own to protect him. That wink and smile had given me a sort of approval. For what I didn’t know yet.

“Yo, Lovebirds The count down is about to start,” Dean said. I rolled my eyes. “Dean If there weren’t so many people here right now, I come over there and punch you.” I slapped Sams chest “Stop and just enjoy the new year.” I said with a small chuckle.

In unison, we counted for the new year.

“10″

“9″

“8″

“7″

“6″

“5″

“4″

“3″

“2″

“1″

“Happy new year,” We all said, and Sam kissed me. I kissed him back. The kiss was deep, meaningful. Like Sam had waited his entire life to do kiss me. He left my lips, and instead of going to cup my cheeks.

Everything after that seemed like a dream. Sam was touchy. Which didn’t bother me at all. Not wanting to let me go for too long. He’d kiss my forehead and cheek. After a while of more drinking and dancing, the Winchesters friends started leaving. Leaving just Dean, Cass, Sam, and I.  

Having someone that is touchy with me is new. Before coming to the bunker, and being around the boys, I hadn’t been around the best of men. My father was abusive to my mother, which caused any other relationship that I was in to be abusive. It was like I attracted crazy, I attracted the abusive.

It started when I was in high school every boyfriend was horrible. I was either psychical beat or mentally abused. Nothing was off the table for the men that I attracted.

My first boyfriend Clyde was great at the beginning of our relationship everything was sparkles and rainbows. But after awhile Clyde started to mentally fuck with me. he’d accuse me of cheating when in reality I was only with my sisters. He’d come up to me in school and grab me harshly. Pushing and pulling me into a closet or teacher's bathroom.

For day afterward I’d have marks around my neck, and wrists. He left marks on me, and he hated when I would cover them. My scarfs and bracelets would be ripped from my person.

That was only my freshman year. In my sophomore year of high school, I was dating a much worse. I was thinking of sitting down in the library. “Y/n are you okay?” Sam asked me. I thought for a minute. He had kissed me twice under his own wanting. He wasn’t abusive to me. He was the kindest, emotional, caring person I had ever met. Maybe I should tell him about my past, just so he knows, maybe it will be okay.

“No Sam. I’m not okay.” I said playing with the hem of my jacket. He turned his head. “Is it something that I did?... I knew I should have asked if you wanted to kiss me!” He said. He sat down next to me. “Sam, would you stop overthinking everything,” I said.

He shook his head and wrapped his hand around mine. “I was thinking about my past relationships. You kissed me and I can’t stop thinking that I might fuck this up by bringing my past into everything.” I said “ I tried dating all of my high school years, all of which ended in me broken-hearted and more broken than I was before.

“Some people only come into your life to show you what love is not,” Sam said. Wow, I don’t think I had ever thought of it that way. “Sam? Can I just tell you about my past relationships so you understand where I’m coming from?” I asked.

He smiled squeezing my hand. “Of course, Y/n”. “My first boyfriend was harsh and emotionally abusive to me. Clyde was my freshman crush and my boyfriend for a short while. I spend the rest of my freshman year thinking that love was meant to be abusive and hurt each other.”

He hummed letting me know that he was still listening to me.

“My second boyfriend Otis was my sophomore crush. He was again nice at the start, but it turned quickly into me being a “bitch” and a “whore” who was only after his friends. He was so mentally abusing that I actually ended up breaking up with him.”

“I’m glad that you were able to get out of it. Be the strong you.” Sam said.

“My third boyfriend had actually been so nice, ya see Sebastian was so cute he’d bring me flowers, and get me coffee in the morning. My junior year was set seeing as my third boyfriend was not just thinking about himself. It ended when he just cut me off. The niceness stopped and instead of telling me why he just left me on the end of a hook.”

“Seems like a dick,” Sam said I giggled and rolled my eyes.

“You see my fourth boyfriend was that guy that ended up dying from the Djinn. Tobias was a wishy-washy guy. One day he’d hit me and the next he’d bring flowers home, praising me until I saw it was okay. Just when I thought he was a good guy he’d go and fuck it up. He’d never actually go to the bar and drink. he’d go to the bar and go find another girl to fuck.”

“Y/n? Why didn’t you say the truth when we asked you?” Sam asked. I think Sam thought I wasn’t going to tell him seeing as I was quiet. “I mean you don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry if I overstepped a boundary.” Sam said a small expression of sadness falling over his face.

“You know, you’re too nice to be with me. Where’d you get it from?” I asked a chuckle coming from within me. “Y/n it didn’t get anywhere. I’m just a nice guy with a heart. I promise that I won’t treat you like that ever.”

“You promise?” I asked my voice definitely starting to crack. I hadn’t talked to anyone about the boys I had dated, nobody knew about the shit they had done to me.

“Y/n. I promise that I’ll be better than they were. I can’t say that I don’t have my issues and things I need to work on, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want this to not work. We both have to put in the effort for this to work.” Sam said.

“I  know that this is early and that you’re still hurting, but I want to be with you. I want this to work for you. We can go slow, we can go fast. Anything you are comfortable with. I just want to be in your corner Y/n.” Sam said.

Completed 01/17/2021 

[clydesdonovan]

Cryde and bunny headcanons go go go

Anon I am so sorry this is an extremely late reply, its hell to format things on mobile so I just simply can’t be bothered to do it sometimes :( but I hope at least some of these make it up to u!!! So!

(adding a cut cause you know this got long lmao)

Cryde:

Clyde is a huge dog person but Craig is… not really lol. He prefers little things like hamsters or guinea pigs. But!! Craig still loves on Rex all the time. He plays with him and cuddles with him. He constantly buys dog treats or toys whenever he’s at the pet store picking up things for Stripe and Clyde adores it.

Piggybacking off of that, Clyde started to fall for Craig partly because of how lovey dovey and cute he is with Rex. Clyde finding Craig napping on his couch with Rex curled up against him, drooling all over Craig’s lap, is one of the first things that made Clyde think “oh crap, I think I might love him.”

Craig loves horror movies. Clyde likes them too, but he’s also a huge baby. He gets easily scared by scary movies, like, stupidly so. But he’s the one who suggests they watch scary movies all the time, just so he has an excuse to hold Craig’s hand and curl up against him on the couch when he’s feeling spooked.

For his birthday one year, Clyde gave Craig a ridiculous hoodie. It’s galaxy print and has a big ole guinea pig printed on the front of it. (You know, like the old galaxy clothing that used to be really popular?) It was mostly a gag gift, because Clyde figured Craig would rather be caught dead than wear something like that, but Craig actually wears it all the time. He says it’s super comfy, but it’s really because he loves how Clyde lights up when he’s wearing it.

Craig keeps a silly drawing Clyde made in his wallet at all times. It’s from when they were in middle school. Clyde’s not the best artist, so it’s kinda bad, but it’s the two of them fighting a dragon. It went along with this whole thing they were rping (cause they’re nerds), and he gave it to Craig after their game ended. Craig’s kept it close ever since because even back then he was soft and pining for Clyde tbh.

Clyde is a huuuge t-shirt stealer. Probably at least half of the shirts in his closet are actually Craig’s, and a lot of them are shirts Craig really likes too! Clyde takes them whenever he spends the night and just… never gives them back. Craig wants to be annoyed by it, but when Clyde shows up drowning in Craig’s favorite band t-shirt, it’s hard to stay mad. Clyde is just kinda cute like that, ya know?

Both before and after they started dating, they communicated with each other through their windows “you belong with me” music video style. They have notepads and little dry erase boards on standby, just so they can write messages to each other to put up to their windows. It’s very cheesy. I mean, they could just text like normal people, but that’s no fun!

Clyde has the ability to fall asleep anywhere. He’s fallen asleep on Craig’s front steps while they were just sitting outside, at his own kitchen table while midnight snacking, in Craig’s garage while Craig is fucking around with his car. Craig has to carry him to bed an embarrassing amount. (At least according to Clyde. Craig just thinks it’s really funny.)

Craig can’t cook like… at all. He tries his best and he can make a mean sandwich (which Clyde loves him for), but he can’t COOK to save his life. So Clyde ends up being the chef whenever they plan for a nice, home cooked meal together :^)

When they live together, Clyde is banned from doing the laundry. Craig took over those duties after Clyde somehow dyed all of their clothes blue.

Bunny:

Butters and Kenny both love board games. They have at least one or two board game nights a week, and they’re just as fun and wholesome as they sound.

Butters basically lives in Kenny’s collection of hoodies and sweatshirts.

Kenny loves to sing, but he’s become kinda shy about it over the years. He doesn’t really sing in front of anyone anymore, but he does sing in front of Butters a lot. Usually he just sings along to the radio, it’s nothing special, but Butters loves it nonetheless. He thinks Kenny has the best voice out of anyone he’s ever heard before.

Kenny is a hardcore clinger when he sleeps. He always wakes up with his limbs all tangled around Butters. Butters doesn’t mind though, because, of course, he’s a big cuddler himself.

Butters loves a good ole emoticon. He uses the modern emojis, but he prefers the classics, and whenever he texts Kenny, he makes sure to include a lot of <3s and :Ds and ^_^s. Kenny thinks it’s adorable and he loves it, and he even saves all of the texts that he finds the cutest.

Sometimes, just for funsies, they bring back Mysterion and Professor Chaos. If they’re bored on a Saturday afternoon, why wouldn’t you spar with your boyfriend, donning colorful costumes while you pretend to be superheroes and super villains against the world? They still have the costumes and everything!

At some point, Kenny gets something Butters drew him as a tattoo. It’s a cute little cat, nothing fancy and it doesn’t showcase the extent of Butters’ art talents at all, but he doodled it on a really sweet love letter that he gave Kenny when they started dating, so it’s special.

When he’s older, Butters likes to play around with hair dye. He often goes for nice, soft colors that suit him, like blue or green. Sometimes, when he’s feeling up for a change, Kenny joins him and they spend a few weeks with matching pastel hair until it washes away. (But then they do it all over again!)

Butters is crazy good at baking. He’s always surprising Kenny with cookies or cupcakes just for the hell of it, and Kenny can (and he has) eat an entire batch of them. As far as Kenny’s concerned, Butters is the worlds best baker.

They move in together around 18. Butters leaves home as soon as he possibly can, and Kenny simply comes along with him when he rents a little, one bedroom apartment near the outskirts of town. They have like… no furniture at first except for Butters’ bed, which they stick in the living room. They spend their first night of freedom watching bad movies on Netflix on Butters’ iPad and eating takeout and pizza from two different places because why not?

[criminalmindsmoodrn]

Traveling in a different reality

chapter 3

as always->⚠️spoilers season 6 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>><>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Breathing in the scent of black coffee and pen ink, everything just felt right...but it wasn't, of course it wasn't because they weren't all there to drink that coffee, they weren't all there to joke around, they weren't all there, and that didn't feel right at all. It's four thirty I'm sitting in the conference room, by myself letting my eyes wonder around the room , they weren't searching for anything particular just looking at the room with sappy tears in them, not sure why.      

                                                                     "Are you okay love?" I turn my head to the sound of Penelope's concerned voice  "Sure, just bit overwhelmed you know" i said giving her a forced smile" I'm sorry you have to feel that way sweetie... can I...uhm can I ask you something?" she was sitting beside me on the couch, taking my hand "sure thing"..."Why she left?I mean we could've helped her, we are her family" her voice is shacking and a single tear makes her way down Penelope's cheek, and my eyes start to fill up with tears"That's why she had to leave Garcia, you-we are her family; the only think she wants to do is protect us that's it... You know on her way to Boston we didn't talk much, but the few times we did she was always talking about you guys, how much she loves you and how sorry she was that she had to keep all of this a secret...she tried to talk to Easter about it but he didn't want anyone else to know.She told me that she was grateful to call this team her family"Now my voice was shaking; I had tears on my cheeks and Penelope was smiling and crying at the same time."You know, she told me that she never had in mind to be a big sister but when she entered this team... me, you and JJ became her little sister and she was so happy about it-"her voice cracked she was crying now, but not like a few tears more like crying crying, the real type."Come here"I moved closer to her and hugged her as tight as I could"I promise she'll be back, she's one of the strongest people I know, she'll know what to do and if she doesn't we sure as hell be there to give her a hand".

We sat there all night, or at least the few hours that separate us from the light of day, never letting go of each others hands.When the rest of the team came in that morning they woke us up which was kinda embarrassing cause we had the make up of the day before destroyed by our tears so we looked like sleepy panda ,which is not as cute as you imagine.                                         First thing Hotch did was calling me outside- fantastic morning yell is always a thing that I look forward to-"Hey I meant to wake you earlier but I saw you last night with Garcia and I wanted to let you sleep a little, I told myself that I was going to wake you up thirty minutes before the meeting but I forgot, I'm sorry [y/n]." That was actually the cutest thing ever he sounded really mortified"It's fine no problem, really; just call Garcia out and we'll go change, we'll be back in ten." I gave him a small hug which he didn't seam to mind, he gave me a kiss on my forehead and called Penelope out then we made our way down, before heading down the stairs I mouthed him a thank you, cause I was actually surprised on how awesome he was being with me.                                                                                                                                                        

Like I promised Hotch ,me and Penelope were back in ten with new clothes and a little makeup on our faces so we didn’t look like two zombies.JJ turned on the big screen behind her and started presenting "I talked to a friend from Langley, he couldn't give me Emily's full CIA file but this is what we got plus the info[y/n] gave us last night. She went undercover as Lauren Reynolds to be part of a special task force that was profiling terrorist, formed after  9-11"on the screen there was a photo of Emily I mean Lauren file which include a picture of her and all the info about her and the mission "As we know serial killers and terrorist have different profiles but Doyle was, their last case and now all the people involved in the task are on his hit list" I say while JJ's showing pictures of all the people that were involved in the task like Emily and Clyde Easter "Now this photos were taken during Emily's undercover time; Derek I know what you're about to say, she seams comfortable cause in a way she was, they checked everything about him and that includes romantic relationships...and Emily was his type" I say basically stealing JJ line but that's not the important part, the important part is that now I feel like a profiler which is cool, just kidding that's not important, the face they all made when I said that Emily was his type were kinda hilarious; and JJ? Omg she looked low-key jealous but no one is ready for that talk especially JJ and Em.                                                            

Morgan was the most shocked and angry so I decided that it was better if I talked to him  before he and Rossi went at Emily's apartment"Morgan could you come up here just a sec please"I basically yelled from the conference room because he was at his desk, he entered the room not even looking at me probably because you could read into his eyes how furious he was"Look Morgan I know you're angry, she's you partner and she didn't tell you what was going on, if it makes you feel better just know that she couldn't; she was under a oath of some sort I don't really know but you have to understand that she din't betrayed you"there wasn't much I could say to him to make him feel better but at least I can say I tried."Sure; but you know.How, it's what I'm asking myself. I have to go see ya".He went back on his steps and I was left alone with my thoughts.

Shit shit shit"Guys I forgot something wait!"Why do I always forget the important stuff "I'm an idiot"I said running down at Rossi's desk"Clyde should be on a plane to Boston as we speak also Doyle should be at the bar, he's probably looking for Jack something I don't remember his last name but I saw him the bar last night with Emily."We all looked at Garcia who was rushing in the room"Guys Clyde is on a plane to Boston-"Hotch stopped her"We know Collins just told us, we are all going there; You too Garcia."they all went at their desks and took their go bag"Girl aren't you taking your bag"Said Penelope giggling"Sure that's what I was going to do...if only I knew where it was"I said quietly"It's right there, next to my chocolate thunder desk"she pointed."Sure of course, thank you Penelope"I gave her a quick smile, took my bag and went down to the garage with her and Spencer .Just like with Emily the drive was quiet and when we arrived to the jet we took our places and took off.On the jet there wasn't that much of a conversation we were all lost in ours minds- I could've just tell Emily to tell the team...everything would be fine now, she would be on this jet with us and they wouldn't be this stressed out, god I'm stupid-"Put the seatbelt on [y/n], we are landing"Hotch was right next to me which wasn't that bad cause at a point I fell asleep for like twenty minutes and when I woke up I was resting on his shoulder an he was checking some files-part two of how great Hotch is-.The drive to the Boston PD wasn't as quiet as the previous one, in fact they sent us a video of the security cameras right outside the bar  and we could clearly see Emily getting shot by Doyle, which didn't please very much Garcia or any of us-also our ears weren't please, when Penelope saw Doyle shooting Emily she screamed right in my ear, not cool- "Guys I really hate to be the one to ask but...how long does Emily have?"Penelope asked; I couldn't see her face cause she was in the back sit, me and Hotch glanced at each other and he nodded at me"Well, he took her for last, he sees her like his stressor so"I cleared my throat"he will probably take his time with her"No one talked after that.My thoughts were a mess, I knew what was happening to Em right in that moment, we were sitting Im our cars, safe, she was tied up on a chair with Doyle ready to to everything to make her pay.

________________________________________________

 @ssacandice-ray a always have fun!!

[clydeluckylogan]

Clyde is also the #1 morning sickness helper. He’s got crackers and ginger ale ready the day his love tells him they’re having a baby. He pulls back hair and rubs your back and places a cool cloth on your neck and forehead, then when the vomit is done but you’re still feeling icky, he’ll carry you to bed bridal style and run your tummy until you’re feeling better 🥺

Clyde wakes up to the sound of the bathroom door slamming shut.

He jumps out of bed, grabbing a hair tie from his end table, and makes his way into the bathroom.

Clyde's heart breaks at the sight of you.

You’re kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet bowl, one of your hands keeping you steady and upright.

“Darlin’? You alright?” He asks softly, kneeling down next to you, bringing his hand to your back and moving it up and down.

You shake your head and Clyde hands you the hair tie, you put your hair up just in time.

“You’re okay. You're okay.” Clyde says over and over again rubbing your back.

He flushes the toilet and you lean back against him.

“I’m sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I know you had a late night at the bar. I just–”

Clyde cuts you off.

“Darlin’ I told you that you don't have to apologize for wakin’ me up. Especially now,” his hand moves to your belly, “Whenever you need me, you get me, alright? I don't care how late I worked the night before.”

You nod, relaxing at his touch. You put your hand on top of his.

“Do you feel alright to go lay back in bed?”

“Yeah.”

Clyde let's go of you and gets up. You go to get up, but he stops you.

He sweeps you up bridal style and you let out a laugh.

“I told you. You don't have to do this every time baby.”

“I want to.”

Clyde lays you down on the bed and tucks you underneath the covers.

He leaves for a moment, reentering the room with ginger ale and saltines.

Your eyes start to well up with tears when he hands you the goodies he has.

“Stupid hormones,” you mumble wiping the tears from your eyes, “Thank you.”

He presses a kiss to your head mumbling “You’re welcome.” and slides into bed with you.

Clyde moves his hand to your bare belly and rubs it.

“You feeling any better?”

“A little bit. I hate morning sickness.”

“I know, I know, I hate it too.”

“This baby better be cute for all the trouble they're causing.” You say playfully causing Clyde to laugh.

“With you as their Mama, they're going to be the cutest baby ever.”

Clyde kisses your cheek as you slowly drift back off to sleep.

He’ll do anything he can to help you. Even if that means stocking up on far too many cans of Ginger Ale and boxes of Saltine Crackers.

[desiraypark]

Sherri and the Giant Peach

Clyde x Sherri (Non-Linear Series) Content: Fluff; cute couple stuff; body-shaming (very specific reference to the sexualization and subsequent demonization of bottom-heavy Black womxn)

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Text Message Conversation between Clyde and Sherri Sherri: You sure you don’t want to go to the mall with me, Honeybunch? Clyde: Yes, Babygirl, I’m sure. You’re gonna have me in there until midnight. Sherri: WOW. (Apple’s side-eye emoji) Clyde: (Apple’s blowing a kiss emoji) Sherri: I might go to VS [Victoria’s Secret]... Clyde: What’s that? Clyde: Ohhhhhhh... Clyde: Be ready when I get home. Sherri: No, I’m gonna go on and ‘head out now Clyde: Sherri Laraine Logan... Sherri: (Apple’s shocked emoji) Clyde: If I get home and you’re not there... Sherri: Are you threatening me? Clyde: You know I don’t do threats, Babygirl.

“I need you to tell me how this stuff looks, Baby,” Sherri said, holding the dressing room door open. A stack of business casual clothes rested on her arm. Clyde was content to walk around the store, but he wasn’t going to let Sherri go through this difficult task alone. He definitely wasn’t going to pass up a chance to watch her get undressed. He strolled into the dressing room behind her and sat on the tiny bench.

First, she tried on a pair of regular black slacks--nothing particularly special. They were spacious at the leg but clung to her convex hips and peach-shaped backside. She stared at her butt in the mirror, and Clyde looked up from his phone to get a look, too. All of his teeth made an appearance.

“Mmph,” he grunted.

Sherri looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Welp, there’s my answer.” She fiddled with the button.

“Answer to what?”

“I was tryin’ to figure out if they showed off my butt too much, and you just answered that for me!”

Clyde laughed. “Well, Babygirl. Ain’t too much that’ll hide that wagon.”

Sherri rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Clyde.” 

She put the pants back on the hanger and grabbed a pair of brown slacks.

“Since when you don’t like showin’ it off, Baby?”

“Oh, you know I love showin’ it off,” Sherri said, wiggling her cheeks a bit. “But I’ve gotta dress like an old lady at the daycare. People are really weird about big asses.”

Sherri stepped into the pants and zipped them up. “They like ‘em one minute and are revolted by ‘em the next. Especially when they’re black.”

She scanned her figure. “...and nobody wants to make pants for what they want hidden, either.”

Clyde observed the sudden sadness on Sherri’s face. He put his phone in his pocket and sat up. 

“You want me to look for some more? Some more pants? Or skirts?”

Sherri smiled at him, pulled the black pants off the metal knob attached to the wall, and handed them to him. Clyde stood up and took them. 

“Don’t put these away, but grab them in the next size up for me. Please. They were up against the wall right under the Petites sign.”

Clyde nodded, took the pants, and tipped out of the dressing room.

____________________

“You know what...let’s go in here instead.” Sherri pointed at the novelty store they were approaching. In the department store, she’d settled on the hip-hugging slacks, a few blouses, and a couple of cardigans. Now, it was time for Clyde to have a little fun. Without her input (Sherri granted him this), he picked out three things for her to add to her special wardrobe.

“Somethin’ naughty,” he started, looking over his final choices. “Somethin’ nice. And somethin’ just plain ol’ sexy.”

Sherri picked out a few pairs of stockings to go with Clyde’s choices, and he gleefully handed the cashier some cash from his wallet. ____________________

“Thank you for coming with me, Honey,” Sherri said. The happy couple scarfed down some burgers and fries.

“Mm-hmm…” Clyde responded with a head nod and a full mouth.

“No, Baby. Really…”

Clyde looked up at Sherri’s serious face.

“I always get self-conscious when I have to shop for business clothes. I’m glad I had you helping me.”

“I’m just sorry you had to seduce me with lingerie…”

Sherri laughed, as did Clyde. But he wiped his mouth.

“But seriously, Babygirl. I didn’t mean to seem like I didn’t care, or like I was annoyed or somethin’.”

Sherri shook her head as she sipped her soda. “No, I get it. I know how I fussy I am when I’m shoppin’.”

Clyde chuckled but wisely chose not to agree verbally. 

“So,” he started, looking down at the shopping bags. “We feelin’ naughty or nice tonight?”

“What about plain’ ol’ sexy?” Sherri asked.

“Well, you’re gonna be that anyway.”

Sherri’s cheeks burned as her lips pressed together in a smile. She took another sip of soda and suddenly grabbed a fry. She tossed it at him, and it landed on the table in front of him. “And look-a here. Don’t you be Sherri Larainin’ me, Christopher!”

Clyde laughed as he dodged the fry. “I almost put Simmons in there, too.”

“Well, it’s gonna be Simmons again for real if you keep that up,” Sherri joked.

Clyde’s nostrils flared. “Naw, that ain’t funny.”

Sherri covered her mouth. “Sorry.”

Clyde bit down on his bottom lip--heart fluttering at the sight of the dimples that etched into her cheeks as she fought to conceal her smile. Finally, he let go of his seriousness and smiled.

“I love you,” Sherri said sweetly. 

“Love you more,” Clyde said, running a fry through some ketchup. _____________________ Lingerie descriptions: (Linked in text)  “Naughty” - A black, fishnet teddy with removable garters. “Nice” - red kimono robe that stops at the thighs. Lacy design at the opening that shows a little skin. “Somethin’ plain ol’ sexy” - black, sheer, spandex body suit (leotard shaped). Zips at the front, has a circular cutout over the chest, exposing the breasts. Collar takes on a choker shape and also zips up.  ____________________ TAG LIST

@aloneandsleepless​​ @direnightshade​​ @finn-ray-nal-beads​​ @a-true-janian-reply​​ @thegreenmatt​​ @sister-winter73​​ @loewsy55​​​ @mariesackler​​​ @clydes-hole​​​ @sydneyssmut​​​ @kirah36​​ @lovelyyandtired​ @morby​ @tsarinastorm​ Leave a comment or send me a message if you’d like to be tagged in future Clyde x Sherri stories! View my official Tag Request post if you’d like to be tagged in anything else.

[creepyimagines]

Hello! How are you 👉👈 could i request headcannons for E.J, Jeff and Slenderman (if its too much characters just Slenderman is fine :)) with a female s/o that has a cutesy aesthetic, pastel dresses, always flustered ect. BUttt shes also secretly a killer too?? If its too weird you can totally ignore this :)) im sorry for my English, its my second language 😳 hope you have a gr8 day 😙

[[Im good, thank you for asking! And I loved writing this is was fun. And no worries, your English is good! -X]]

E.J. -

You're style really interests him at first. He isn't well versed in too much of human culture and loves when you wear all your frilly cute dresses and outfits.

He also finds your personality adorable and loves your shy demeanor.

So, of course he is surprised to say the least when you show up one day, covered in blood like it was nothing. He was extremely concerned at first, thinking maybe you were out and got hurt, or worried about another pasta targettingbyou unknowingly, and Jack was furious for a short while.

But as you went along with your day, hardly paying any mind to your stained t-shirt and torn up pants, he became more and more suspicious. He eventually put two and two together, realizing you were in the same line of work as him. Your dissapearences during the day and your otherwise pristine, cutesy style of dress made much more sense to him the more he pondered it.

He also figured this is why you leave most the time in something more plain, only wearing your frilly outfits at home or while running errands.

He wouldn't bring it up, but he'll often times lay out one of your cute outfits for you after you leave.

Jeff -

Jeff really likes your style. He think you two fit perfectly together and he's more than happy to fit the typical "Tuff, Punk Boyfriend" to a T.

He thinks of you as his little doll. He doesn't feel ownership of you or anything demeaning as such, though. He just adores your style and he thinks you look as beautiful as those vintage glass dolls seen in antique shops.

He abso-fucking-lutely will help you pick out your outfits if you want him to. He'll turn it into a fashion show and love the way you flaunt the dresses and flowy skirts you owned.

When he does, however, catch you one night in the woods, he's confused. He watches you bash a hiker's skull in with a big rock, and when he sees it's you, he's less surprised and more proud of his little doll.

He never suspected someone as reserved like you would be just as much of a brutal killer as he was, but he loved it. He'd always ask if you wanted to go with him to kill targets, thinking the two of you were the best duo tag team to ever exist. He held you guys to the murderous Bonnie and Clyde standard without the whole dying shebang.

He doesn't do laundry that often, and when he does he doesn't out much care into his clothes. But if you decide to slaughter while in your cute outfits, you bet your ass he's taking such good care of them and removing any stains on them, per your request.

Though he relishes the way you look after a kill. You being blood-soaked and disheveled, your hair a beautiful mess and your breathing heavy. He loves it.

Slenderman -

You're cryptid entity boyfriend was probably the one who started getting you into that style of dress. He doesn't mind spending a pretty penny on those types of clothing for you and has, on many occasions, asked you if you wanted anything new.

If you couldn't tell already, he loves seeing you in those outfits. He's a bit more of a classy, old fashioned type of guy, preferring you in those fancy, cute dresses.

He acts like a typical sugar daddy, if I'm being honest. He'd do anything to see you smile and adores you. Humans are so fragile, so he always handles you with care and calls you his little doll, like Jeff would. He does see you a little bit more as a doll however, loving to dress you up nicely and having to take special care to not break or hurt you.

Having said all of this, he'd be surprised and a little irritated upon discovering your hobby. He wouldn't think less of you, not at all, but he'd be unhappy about the dry cleaning bill he'd be sent. Your custom, high end dresses soaked with blood and caked with dirt.

Slender would, however, offer to mend and seam any tears or rips that happen to ruin your skirts and outfits, understanding that your line of work leaves you and your clothes a mess after returning home.

[dariaviardo]

Sander’s character in quotes:

It’s really long, please don’t be mad 💗

I’m older than you!!

*curses in German*

here’s a random fun fact about Bowie-

i can mime too, how cool is that?

it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s britt! shit 😬

i don’t know where i’m going from here but I know i’m going away from my girlfriend

don’t break records!

i broke a record hahaha

yes, i know i’m funny

Robbe, you robbed my heart ☺️💕

see what i did there?

*someone is talking about Bowie* I’m about to end this man’s whole career 🤬

yes, I like to show off my knowledge of music history, so what?

did you know Bowie could mime? of course you didn’t

welcome to my TED talk no one asked for

were you impressed that i know that Aretha Franklin was born in 1942?

well, you should’ve been

*Amber exists* YOU’RE WRONG

*Amber does anything* STOP

*Amber talks* CAN YOU JUST PLEASE BE QUIET? have a bit of respect!

*Amber leaves* THANK GOD!

*Amber is mentioned* Amber is still sleeping 🙄

*Amber is mentioned again* SHE! IS! NOT! HERE!!!!!! 🤬

*Lindsey Lohan voice* I never said that Amber is a cunt. Amber is my friend! 😇

everything becomes healthy if you add ketchup

we’re either doing it my way or my way

get ready to be mindblown

get ready to be blown

get ready! i’m really spontaneous

these shoes were made for walking and this is what they’ll do! Britt, I’m walking away from you lol

my lines are cheesy, so are my croques

a bad hair day? is it even a thing?

dude, can you even swim?

name three of his songs or else!

we only kissed once, but here’s my heart and a drawing i made of you

“get your crush to strip their clothes off on the first date challenge” accepted

i’m taking “blonde bitch” to the next level

yes, i know i’m cute, i have a mirror at home

no, i won’t follow your friends back on instagram

in case of emergency i bring out my puppy eyes because god gave them to me for a reason

if you put me in a black-and-white movie, i’ll look the same as i do in real life

colours are overrated

*draws in intense colours*

is it too much to ask for bacon and eggs in the morning?

where’s chips and mayonnaise?

why am i the only snack in the house?

yes, i biked for 30 minutes to this bakery. all the others suck!

*Gordon Ramsay voice* I NEED A PAN

*cooks* get ready to be mindblown, peasants

*Robbe doesn’t know how to turn on a stove* THAT’S MAD CUTE, let me feed you ☺️💗

*chef’s kiss*

PEOPLE THIS HANDSOME-

yes, i like to shout

no, sharing your music with someone you like is not scary

i’ll make Bowie playlists for you until you pass that damn exam

i’ll give you 5 stars on booking if you marry me

*moans to a Bowie song*

no, I didn’t do it to seduce you

how many times do i have to tell you that it was accidental? i just really like that song!

skinny dipping is the best

be gay, do crime

don’t underestimate the gloves though

you don’t have to scan everything 😏

don’t. scan. everything.

i solemnly swear i’m up to no good

you’re expensive, let me steal ya

my boyfriend is cuter than yours

my eyes are greener than yours

*is cute in 3 languages*

*is judgmental in 6 languages*

*supports Robbe in 6743236 languages*

don’t talk to me before my morning covfefe

sorry, i gotta sander

fock “netflix and chill”, let’s swim in the freezing water

*brrrrrrrr* it’s not that cold

ugh, finally my girlfriend left, let’s make out

who’s your favorite actor?

anyway, mine is-

fuck Romeo and Juliet, let’s be Bonnie and Clyde

WOAH what is your plan?

mine is to be with you forever 🥰

oops i didn’t mean to say it out loud

yeah, i catch feelings real fast

i’m a simple man. i see a door and peak my head through it

i like my croissants fresh and in bed

if i were a musician, i’d write more albums about you than Taylor Swift does about her exes

YOU 😍 ARE 😍 SO 😍 CUTE, let’s break law together

come!

vamonos!

are you hungry?

you’re not? wtfock, man???

did you just lick my nipple? the audacity! do it again!!!

i bleached my hair because i heard that blondes have more fun

why do you think getting your name tattooed on my face is a bad idea?

i’m not extra, i’m romantic

Robbe, you wanna robbe a bank with me?

don’t call me a human, i’m an earthling

and you’re my space cowboy ☺️💕forever!!! 🥰

is there life on mars?

there isn’t? i thought so

planet earth is blue and there’s nothing i can do

stop judging me, i still think it’s a perfect caption for instagram

I think we won and THAT IS THAT

i don’t wish i were born in the 70’s only because i wouldn’t meet you 😋

*Robbe does a magic trick* are you a magician? because whenever I look at you everything else disappears 😍

no, you are not my boyfriend, you are my lover

in a room full of art i’d still stare at you. and ask for the manager

Robbe, i’ve packed up our things, we’re moving, there are no walls left in this city to paint your face on

honestly, so annoying!

can i speak to the manager???

WHERE! IS! THE MANAGER! I NEED! THE DAMN! MANAGER!

*goes on an endless rant about Bowie again*

If you’ve read it this far, I love you, you’re a true legend and Sander has got you absolutely whipped.

Feel free to add on! 💖