#i love my trans friends. they are everything to me. i love the trans artists i follow. their art means the world to me.

[l0stw00d]

I'm turning 25 this year. I've spoken about it before but I'll say it again - I'm older now than any of the trans people I knew when I came out and when I was active in my local community as a teenager.

Trans adults exist, and I wish I'd seen more of them - I couldn't imagine making it to my 20s as a teenager. I'd never seen a pre or non-op trans man my age. But here I am! Alive, drawing trans characters and painting frogs and making silly craft projects. Making friends with other trans people my age and Older - there's a whole world of queer folk out there.

Your life does not end at 20. You do not stop existing as a queer person when you stop being a teenager. The world is scary, but there is a place for you, and the world is a better place for every single day you spend in it. You matter more than I could ever explain, as you are Now - not once you get on HRT or once you change your hair or your clothes or get the surgeries you want. Those are wonderful things to have access to and I hope you get every single one of them, but you don't Begin to matter After that. You matter now. You mattered last week, and last month, and last year. I'm so glad you're here, and I hope that, despite Everything, you stay.

[kurthorton-moving]

.

[neolithicsheep]

I've been meaning to write this down for some time because there are some fundamental errors that people keep making in crowdfunding/sales that shoot their campaigns in the foot. So here's a list of easy principles.

Who am I and why should you listen to me? I am a freelance chaos marketer who has raised well over $100,000 when totaling up various crowdfunding campaigns, mostly for aid to Afghanistan. In addition I've managed to successfully market everything from stuffed plush koalas to hydration salts. Why am I putting this out here for free? Because despite a years long track record of success in social media marketing no one will hire me because I don't have a college degree, so I might as well help people out who can't afford to hire full time marketing. 

If you'd like to hire me to help you evaluate your marketing and sales and teach you better skills on a 1 to 1 basis then hit me up, I am often willing to barter, esp with artists in a variety of mediums! 

Anyway on to HOW TO CONVINCE PEOPLE TO GIVE YOU MONEY:

TL;DR: use positive messaging that humanizes everyone involved and make it as easy as possible for people to give you money.

1. Shame and guilt are demotivators. They will not inspire people to give you money. “Why aren't people helping” “I guess people don't care” “This isn't getting enough shares/donations” etc etc. Online fundraising is often frustrating, heartbreaking, and will make you angry, especially when there's a humanitarian crisis involved. It is critical that if you are raising funds for someone else that you have a place to vent that is not the audience you would like to donate to the cause. 

2. Use motivating messages instead! “You can help!” “Even a small donation is important because it tells Recipient they're not alone, and people care” “We can't fix the whole world, but we can make this one thing right, and that means something”. Emphasize that this is a problem that the reader can help fix with even a small effort. With items for sale, tell a story. "I drew this thinking about how safe I always felt under a tree in my childhood backyard". "I chose the colors in this shawl to remind me of sagebrush and piñon pine in my favorite place."

3. Make it easy for people to give you money. Never talk about your product or cause without a link that leads directly to where people can give you money. They should be able to click one link on your post and land at the fundraiser or your shop. Every required click is going to lose people, so minimize the number of them required. This also means if you have a list of fundraisers for people to choose from the ones at the bottom will be neglected - people will hit the ones at the top. Be sure to take those off when they're met or periodically shuffle the list around to make sure everyone gets a chance to be in the first 5 spots. In online stores people will often only look at the first page or two of items so be sure to shuffle things around and remove out of stock items that are taking up prime real estate.

4. Humanize the recipient - this can be tricksy when raising charitable aid because you don't want to be exploitative. But to use my last Afghan campaign as an example, “We need to raise $500 for an Afghan family” is less effective than “This Afghan family's home was damaged in heavy rains that caused extensive flooding. They only need $500 to repair and rebuild so they can stay in their home and not become displaced.”  If possible, tell as much of the recipient's story as they consent to. Eg “Fred is seven and loves dinosaurs. His favorite is brontosaurus, and he carries a stuffed one with him everywhere. He wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up and discover a complete brontosaurus skeleton that he can give the same name as his stuffed friend. Unfortunately he's also a trans boy living in Texas and his family needs $1500 to rent a Uhaul and get to Colorado so he can grow up in safety and do that.”

5. If you're not the recipient, humanize yourself while you're at it! “I'd be really grateful if you all could share or donate” “This fundraiser really means a lot to me because…” “Thank you so much for any help, whether sharing or donating” 

6. Treat the audience like humans. Speak to them like they are people you're having a conversation with, not ATMs. This ultimately is the goal of not using shame/guilt and humanizing yourself and the recipient. 

7. Set low goals and bump them up when met. One of the weird things about people is they prefer to give to successful fundraisers. Yeah I don't know either. So you're more likely to get the full amount you need if you set a partial goal initially and then raise it when that's met. Raise it in small increments and raise it repeatedly as those goals are hit to keep momentum going. You can't always control this so if you're boosting someone else's fundraiser you can do it artificially via asks like “Hey y'all can we get together and put $500 on this?”

[illnessfaker]

tw: black+trans death

from the_yvesdropper on instagram:

our beautiful black trans brother, 35 year old Righteous Torrence "Chevy" Hill, was murdered in Atlanta, GA this weekend.

he went by his nickname 'Chevy' he was originally from Macon, GA. he owned Evollusion, which is a black/ queer owned LGBTQ+ salon in Atlanta that provided and dedicated full service to specializing in hair, nails, barbering and makeup. growing up as young black queer boys/kids, the barbershop experience can sometimes be a tricky space to occupy, this was something that Chevy understood and wanted to cultivate a space of safety where you can also get the affirming look and style you want, and he did exactly that.

Chevy was a beloved son, brother, partner, and father.

one of his last posts that had a photo of himself said :

"if you truly know me, you know i am a humble, modest, private man, that i love my community, i have the love of God in me and will give the shirt off my back to any soul in need, also i never post pictures of myself, legaey give myself credit, that stops today, i am my legacy!"

(a close friend of Chevy asked if i could share more then one photo of Chevy, since he never posted photos of himself and in recent years he got the confidence to want to share more photos and now he won't get the chance to)

Chevy, hey king, hey brother, hey angel, thank you for everything, i lové you, we lové you, i'm so sorry. there are a lot of photographers in heaven who will be able to photograph you as the glorious black trans angel that you are.

there will be a homegoing service/memorial for our brother

there aren't many details about what happened but apparently he was shot by a family member last wednesday, the 28th (at least this article was the one linked in relation to his murder.)

judging by both the IG post and the comments section he was well-loved by many people and those people have many good memories with him and nothing but good things to say. this is a comment that was left by tirajmeansgolden which was hidden by IG for some reason:

I started testosterone in February 2020. I hit this man up at the end of 2019 after numerous Google searches for an LGBT-friendly barber near me (and by near me... he was a good 35-40 minutes from the rural area I was in outside of Atlanta: but when I found out he was a trans man and that his business was the first and only LGBT hair bar, I knew it would be worth the trip). I was a dysphoric mess in his DMs one Sunday. I hated how my hair was growing out. I never had a "masculine" hairstyle before but decided one day I would buzz it all off myself, then allowed it to grow out a bit... I sent him a video and despite him being closed on Sunday, he told me to come through. I got my hair braided and he gave me my first really masculine fade. Explained the different terms. Lined me up. Was asking me about my decision to transition and provided some helpful advice + guidance. I told him how I was a therapist and he was hype and said he talked with a group of trans men and he would love for me to stop by and also give some mental health tips. So whoever said he was humble - wow, what an understatement. Such a community man! Made me feel SO comfortable because barbershops were a source of major trauma and triggers for me. They were such an integral part of my early transition (I just celebrated 4 years later week). And he was such an integral part of the Atlanta Queer community with hosting events like Queer Con. How I found so many other great resources + queer businesses/artists. May you rest in peace, Chevy. You'll be missed. You've made such a different in the lives of countless people. You definitely were living your Purpose + left a legacy behind ...

[drchucktingle]

Hello Dr Tingle! I wanted to ask you about that re: your post about how all your books are serious literature (hell yeah Love is real). How do you personally deal with the whole traditional publishing institution? It attracts a whole different level of coverage and it seems that they're very quick to try and box you and like turn you into a brand. Is it stiffling? Is it freeing? Does the attention help more people understand your trot? I don't know I've never been published but since you have experience in both traditional and self publishing I'm interested in knowing how that's feeling for you

well this is a pretty complex question with lots of different trots but i will try my best to answer. lets start with WHO I AM as buckaroo name of chuck

what i create has a very strong voice and my way is pretty recognizable. while buckaroos do not know what most authors look like, i REALLY stand out in a dang crowd with a big pink bag on my head. if you see 50 random author photos and mine is mixed in and then you ask 'which photo do you remember the most?' it is probably gonna be chuck. i also have a VERY UNIQUE STORY with what i create and my artistic sensibilities, not a lot of buds are out there making trans mothman erotica along with their big five traditional publishing bestsellers (SIDENOTE preorder BURY YOUR GAYS)

now if you were going to take 'CHUCK TINGLE' to a marketing department they would FALL OVER BACKWARDS IN THEIR DANG CHAIR with excitement. it is hard to think of an author with a stronger BRAND than i already have in the sense of 'instantly recognizable trot and specific unique style'. even in answering this you can tell that i dont even TALK like other dang authors.

what i am getting at is this: i am VERY VERY LUCKY because my existence just so happens to equate to what a company would see as GOOD BRANDING. it is not intentional on my part, it is just the hand of fate i guess. im out here expressing myself in a FULL ON WAY that is PRETTY DANG STRANGE TO SOME and it just so happens to work as mainstream branding too

on paper you might think 'what the heck no way chuck tingle will fly as a mainstream trot' but honestly the main thread of this timeline can be surprising sometimes. ive been saying the key ingredient for years and i will say it again: LOVE AND SINCERITY RESONATE. when you make art with this fuel, the timeline will feel it. when you stand up tall and shout with your whole chest THIS IS MY WAY AND I LOVE MYSELF. I AM THE WORLDS GREATEST AUTHOR TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, the timeline will listen

so all that said, i do not mind the idea of myself as 'brand' because i am not CHANGING myself to create this effect. what some might see as 'brand' i just see as another part of my art. i have always believed that art is THE WHOLE EXPERIENCE not just the painting but what is outside of the frame. WHO I AM is just as important as the books i write, and interacting with my way is a whole MULTIMEDIA experience that INCLUDES YOU TOO. it is the feeling when your friend shows you your first tingler cover, or the feeling when you realize that i am not playing a character. this is ALL a part of the tingleverse and it is all a part of my honest raw expression as a queer and neurodivergent buckaroo.

YOU ARE PART OF THIS ART TOO

it is my nature of have a PUNK ROCK trot. always has been. but to me that does not mean just angrily going against everything for the sake of going against everything. for me, this punk rock trot means fighting to EXPRESS MYSELF IN THE MOST HONEST AND PURE FORM POSSIBLE and to create the art that i want to make without any boundaries

somehow i have threaded the needle in this really interesting once-in-a-dang-lifetime kind of way. my pure punk rock self as an OUTERSIDER ARTIST just so happens to resonate with this larger system of brand and traditional publishing and popular culture. i COULD reject this, but rejecting it would be LESS HONEST.

this is just who i am. i LIKE pop culture. i LIKE joy. i LIKE dressing in all pink and wearing my custom suits. I LIKE PROVING LOVE IS REAL WHAT THE HECK ELSE EVEN IS THERE? i love being a queer outsider artist and using my small voice to shout at the big bad devils and i like that every time i shout a few more of you buckaroos join the chorus and together we are just getting louder and louder and louder and WHO KNOWS what comes next for us all trotting together.

when i post something like 'WHAT A GREAT DAY TO PROVE LOVE' it is not me sitting here in a bad mood thinkin 'well i gotta make todays post to keep up with my brand'. i am ACTUALLY FEELING THAT FEELING and i actually believe it with every fiber of my being. honestly, half the time i post about the beauty of this timeline i am probably over here literally crying tears of joy (chuck is an emotional bud i get riled over the joy of existence A LOT)

and heres the best part of this trot: because i really have this punk rock way it makes me very powerful. others can pretend not to care about success and brand and all that but I REALLY DO NO CARE. i would write tinglers whether buds were reading them or not, this is just my natural state, and that makes me incredibly strong. if some big corporation says 'YOU MUST DO THIS' and i dont want to do it i just say 'no thanks'. it is not some big debate about my career or anything like that because I REALLY DO NOT CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST. i care about the art

because of this, my relationship with my GIANT TRADITIONAL PUBLISHING MACHINE is great. we trot like equals and we get along really well. i tell them exactly what i want to do and they let me do it. i really do not have to answer to anyone and they deserve a huge amount of credit for respecting me in this way.

and heres the thing, THEY ALSO HAVE SOME GREAT IDEAS

SPECIFICALLY my imprint of NIGHTFIRE is very dang cool. yes, they are the head of a giant hydra of a BIG FIVE PUBLISHER, but nightfire is SO DANG ART-FOCUSED

there is no right or wrong way to be an artist, and my path is not the only one, but i can tell you what WORKS FOR ME. this is the advice i would give myself, and buckaroos can take it or leave it

here it is: never beg the big book publisher, or record label, or movie studio to pay attention to you

do not let it become a lotto ticket in your brain. do not think that you are some weak little creature and maybe if you trot just right they will scoop you up and take care of you. do not go to their door begging to be let in

LET THEM COME TO YOUR DOOR

create something so incredible and beautiful and honest and powerful and unique and important that they would be foolish to miss out. create a community or a system or a timeline or a world of imagination that thrives on its own and THEY SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO BE A PART OF IT

then when you sit down at that board meeting it is not 'please brand me, ill do whatever you want'. instead, it is 'lets make a deal and see how much love we can prove together.'

now lets trot buckaroos

[queenie-the-court-jester]

hi I'm queenie! TEMPORARY HIATUS!!

★once I've got my stories going, don't be afraid to ask about them!

★but please be respectful! This is what I won't write for:

★ •trans or male reader! I don't mind doing them, it's just I don't know how to write for them and since I'm not either, I don't want to accidentally miswrite them and upset somebody. But you can still ask, I'll probably take a good long while though 💧

★ • classic Wattpad y/n. I like to keep my darlings as relatable as possible. I'm tired of seeing submissive bland (names). Time for 'go fuck yourself' y/n

★scat. Pedophilia. Minor x adult. WATERWORKS ❌. Incest. Stepcest. Age regression. Furries. Oc x oc unless I really really like it.

★minors please do not interact

★what I will write for: pretty much everything, I'm not picky! Pitch in your own ideas, I'd love to hear them! {Warning this'll include yanderes: I don't condone them but they do have Me a little interested}

★I'm mainly a fem! reader writer so, my male readers, I am so sorry 🥲 I'll try and make some gn fics just for you

★that's it really, I don't mind. Just be respectful to me and the other people who would like to enjoy my nonsense!

I'M A TRADITIONAL BEGGINER ARTIST SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME!

•°. *࿐ ⋆ •°. *࿐ ⋆ •°. *࿐ ⋆ •°. *࿐ ⋆

Current works:

Riley Sanderson x reader 🖤, doing his makeup

Yandere farm x farmhand reader 🌾, returning their feelings (cow couple, quintuplets)

It's raining cats and dogs 🐱🐶🌾

Country roads take me home 🐮🐴🌾, big daddy smut , taking a nap

Where the birds and fish gather 🦚🐟

Pure as a lamb 🐏🐐, Kim the goat

Yandere popular girl x reader x emo boy, sick darling, date at the mall!, crack imagine

oc kink list: part 1, part 2

Mild yandere circus x reader: part 1 Wendy!

Yandere bunny hybrid x reader, extra details + doodle, cotton x meat eater!darling

Yandere playboy x reader, reader escapes

Yandere florist x reader

yandere cupid x reader, househusband!

Yandere online boyfriend x afab!reader, sadistic reader

Yandere church boy x reader

yandere rockstar x FEM!reader

Oc's ethnicities

Yandere cheerleader x fem!reader, random headcanons

Yandere friend group x FEM!reader, reader dates kiross, what do they want?

Yandere fantasy party x gn reader

Blackwood academy masterlist

•°. *࿐ ⋆ •°. *࿐ ⋆ •°. *࿐ ⋆ •°. *࿐ ⋆

Headers by: @pixiesite @cafekitsune

The anons: 💕 - 👍 - 🍧 - 🐁 - 🍄 - 👾 - <3 - 🎀 - 😶‍🌫️ - 🦖 - 🇦🇶 - ☔ - blorbo - 🐢 - 🦌 - 🐮 - silver anon - 🎸- 🎶 - 🏮- ✂️ - 🩰 - 🥭🧚🏿‍♀️ - ❓- 🌹- 🐼 anon <-evil (jk)

Note to self:

@a-goblin-named-cherry wishes to be tagged on all farmhand reader content

[isahorcrux]

In light of the recent announcement of the Harry Potter TV Show and the fact that this is primarily a Harry Potter fan fiction blog, the below needs to be said.

I am not excited about this show.

If you told my past self 5 years ago this, I’d be shocked.  Five years ago, if they announced a Harry Potter TV show I’d be doing everything in my power to be involved some way or another.  However, in the last five years JKR has shown her true colors and spent her free time and money attacking the trans community.  There are many reasons why I’m not excited about the show or looking forward to it in any regard, but to me the most important is that this show gives JKR more money and cultural capital to further her anti-trans agenda.  This is unacceptable.

I think a lot of us raised on Harry Potter really wanted to separate the art from the artist, dive further into fanfic and fandom and just ignore that the woman who created a world in which we’ve spent most of our lives escaping into.  However, we can’t do that.  It’s come to my attention over the past few days that a lot of people aren’t even aware of the active harm JKR is doing to the trans community.  Most people just say, ‘oh she said some weird stuff on twitter’ right?

Well, yeah.  But, did you also know she launched an active campaign against a reform bill that made it easier for trans people to legally change gender?  You know what happened?  The UK blocked that Bill and Scotland now has to launch a legal challenge to the government block.  She’s also funding a Sex Abuse Crisis Center that excludes trans women.  Yeah, that’s right.  She’s using her money from a book about love and acceptance to actively exclude a marginalized group from a crisis center.  She’s also publicly admitted via twitter that she funds anti-LGBTQ political activity in the UK.

So yeah, there’s a direct line of fans supporting official trademarked Harry Potter anything and that money directly harming transpeople.  Sorry for that rude awakening, but some of y’all are doing backflips to avoid seeing this.

Now, is there a way to prevent Warner Brothers (and Max, lol) from making this show?  Probably not?  After mergers and at a point when the tv and film industry isn’t booming, they need money.  You know what makes money?  Harry Potter.  Which is why they’re rebooting it.  Another question that’s been raised, will the looming writer’s strike affect this?  I would guess probably not?  Most UK writers (and International writers at large) are not in the WGA.  JKR has always wanted the most amount of British people involved in Harry Potter adaptations, so they’ll use the strike to find a UK writer and get them to work.

So what can we do?

Don’t watch the show.  Or, if you do.  Pirate it. In fact, cancel your Max subscription before the show launches.

They’re going to spend A LOT of money on this.  If the numbers aren’t there for them they will do what every other streamer does with an unsuccessful show and cancel it.  They announced 5 Fantastic Beast movies, and yet...where’s that last one?

Anyway, thanks for reading this whole thing if you’ve gotten this far.  Please share with friends who are excited about the show.  Please engage in meaningful discussions with other Potter fans.  Please support our trans friends and strangers.

Once again, this blog says FUCK JKR.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: june 2024

before I get started on June, I have to issue a correction from May: I forgot to include a book!

last year I backed Iron Circus Comics' erotic anthology My Monster Girlfriend, edited by Andrea Purcell and Amanda Lafrenais, and it finally arrived just ahead of pride. My Monster Girlfriend contains 15 stories by all by different artists, and features protagonists who get it on with everything from the classic ghosts, werewolves, and vampires to a reality-warping angel (?) who contains infinite dimensions, a sleep paralysis demon, and an all-consuming flesh monster hivemind.

while I would have liked to see a little more variety in the freakishness of the actual sex, the anthology is a lot of fun and shows off a great diversity of art styles and scenarios in which one might get down to clown with a monster girlfriend. my personal favorites were Feather by Kanesha C. Bryant, in which an intrepid pervert boldly attempts to locate their girlfriend's genitalia; MonsterHER Under the Bed by Bont and Wes Brooke, which puts a cute, sexy little spin on the monster under the bed; Forest Wedding by Otava Heikkilä, which reads like an old timey fable except it ends in a giant forest woman getting crazy fisted by her new trans husband; and Girl Fiend by InnKeeperWorm, which is infinitely jackoffable even though, frankly, the hellhound should have stayed in her more monstrous canine form to fuck.

okay, now onto the June reading! I found myself reaching the end of the month surprised that I had added so few books to my 2024 spreadsheet, and then I realized: it's fucking PRIDE MONTH and I'm a career queer. I spent most of June either busting ass working various events or in a coma recovering from said events; no wonder I didn't read as much as I thought I would. I also gave up on one novel after sinking close to 200 pages in it, which means the list is even shorter, but trust me: the DNF was the right decision.

so, who made the cut for pride?

The Monsters We Defy (Leslye Penelope, 2022) - this book was a romp! it's fun! it's a hoot, dare I say! this is a historical urban fantasy that takes place in the Black society of 1920s Washington, DC. protagonist Clara and her band of ragtag magical misfits have a heist to pull off against one of the most powerful Black women in DC, with their own curses and powers at stake. it's a fun story with a neat magic system and lots of words that are capitalized so you know they're Magical and Important, and it's a read that goes down real easy. strong recommendation if you find yourself in a slump!

Just for the Cameras (Viano Oniomoh, 2023) - my first foray into independently published romance! and it was... fine. the plot's a little patchy, sure, but it's definitely not the worst romance I've ever read, and at least a throuple made for a nice change of pace. AND nobody's seething with jealousy or insecurity about multiple partners? you love to see it. this book was apparently originally intended to be a novelette and it definitely could have stayed that way, but if bisexual Black hotties sucking and fucking is what you seek then you're going to have a great time. TW: 2/3 main characters are British.

Strange Bedfellows: Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs (Ina Park, 2021) - to the surprise of absolutely no one who knows me, this is one of my very favorite nonfiction reads of the year so far. I cannot emphasize this enough: if you like the way that I talk about STIs and sex ed on this blog then I think you'll really like this book, because having read this book I desperately want to be her friend. she brings so much passion and energy to her work that it bursts right off the page and is - pardon this awful pun - absolutely infectious.

Survivor (Octavia E. Butler, 1978) - for those you not in the know, this book is kind of a get. it's the only book of Butler's that was never reprinted, so now you can only read it if you get ahold of a super expensive original edition OR if you, hypothetically, find a PDF online and print off the entire thing on your work printer. and I'm so glad I did the latter, because holy shit this book whips ass. the book was apparently disavowed for its lack of connection to the rest of the Patternist series, which is true but oh my god, the story is SOOOO cool anyway. we've got a human woman named Alanna who grew up feral on Earth only to be adopted by a Christian cult who are GOING INTO SPACE to preserve the human race, but it turns out there are already intelligent people on the new planet and they have Feelings about what the future of these human missionaries is going to be. it's on Alanna to navigate the clashing cultures and tension between the humans and two warring groups of aliens, and it is fucking URGENT. I don't say this lightly but I think this has ascended to be in my top three Butler novels.

No Name in the Street (James Baldwin, 1972) - ooooooh my god you guys!! oh my god!!! I've never read any of Baldwin's long form nonfiction, but within pages I knew that this was going to pretty permanently change my brain. this memoir-ish book delves into, among other things, Baldwin's witnessing of the American civil rights movement, including the deaths of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr., and Medgar Evers. woven around that is the alienating experience of being a Black man with exactly enough cultural cache and social clout to sometimes isolate him from the people he grew up with but not nearly enough to buy acceptance or safety in a white society, emphasized by Baldwin's unfinished struggle to free a friend from prison after a wrongful murder charge. and somehow that's barely doing the book justice! it's so vast and incisive and weary and impassioned and it did, truly, have me jotting down the names of everything Baldwin ever wrote to make sure I can read it all. as much as I bemoan my habit of impulse reserving books from the library, I really am indebted to the Stacks podcast for getting this on my radar.

[arthropodrespecter]

2013 vs 2024

tbh, this is incredibly difficult for me. as a trans woman, there are certain expectations for posts like these. some gruff but sad looking man who was transformed into a happy beautiful girl via hormones. so you might think that nothing has changed. or perhaps i have gone backwards, gotten hairier, bigger, becoming even more of a man than i started off as.

this might be hard to read, so i'll put the rest under a read more. CW for homelessness, starvation, transmisogyny, and probably a few things i'm missing.

my transition has been messy. in some ways, you might say that i spent the first 25 years of my life transitioning. as a child i was efemminate, loved to play dress up and dolls, but my father was so against this that he filed a lawsuit against my mother, getting a court order forbidding her from "forcing me to crossdress." this set the tone for the rest of my childhood, which is a story i will not get into here because it is much worse than the story i'm trying to tell.

growing up in a christian fundamentalist home meant that it wasn't until much later, after my mother gained custody and i had gone on to experience even further ruination of my life, that i even learned that trans people exist. that this was a thing you could do, could be. a brief flash, something hiding behind my eyes, and i had locked it away. of course i wasn't trans. i was an athlete, a martial artist, a musician, why would i need to think about gender?

when i was 16, i joined tumblr. i saw a blooming transgender community, got to see the inner thoughts and conversations that trans people were having, couldn't avoid certain things any longer. i started to identify as nonbinary, eventually even coming out to my mother, who certainly TRIED to be supportive. it was exciting, made my heart race a little, made me scared. i had no idea what i was doing, or how my world was about to turn upside down and inside out.

the summer i turned 18, i was severely injured in a martial arts tournament. my right knee had caved in, the bone at the site of the joint crushed by a man i had thought was my friend. i didn't realize what had happened, and so didn't go to a doctor until two weeks later, at which point the damage was considered irreversible. everything i was disappeared. i lost all will to live. i stopped drawing, stopped playing music. i started drinking heavily. my family knew i was struggling but any efforts to fix the situation just made it worse. my mother and older brother had been putting more and more pressure on me to get a job and get out of the house, even though i could barely walk. my older brother told me that my mother was going to kick me out if i couldn't start contibuting. i still couldn't. i became homeless for the first time at the age of 19.

when you're homeless, it's like every single day is drawn out into countless hours, and you either have nothing to do, or far too much to do, and nothing in between. i had an online partner at the time, someone who turned out to be a chaser targeting suspiciously egg shaped men and nonbinary people, who spent the entire time getting more and more frustrated that i didn't have the time to be a fucktoy. i ended up insitutionalized for a month, after which i was kicked to the curb and left with nothing but a backpack and the clothes on my back. any journey of self discovery i may have been having was on hold until i wasn't fighting for survival.

my rescue came from a nonbinary lesbian who reached out to me. i was offered a room, a place to stay for no cost. they helped me break up with my partner. i found myself in a new sort of situationship, but at a confusing cost. why was this lesbian interested in me? was that even okay? eventually we had a conversation. they revealed to me that they had thought i was a trans woman. the fact that i had been seen as a woman hit me like a truck in a blindzone i didn't know i had.

after a difficult few days of arguing with myself, i couldn't hide from it. i was a woman. maybe i had always been a woman. a thought more terrifying than it had any right to be.

i grew my hair out. i started shaving. after a few months, i was even able to book my first HRT appointment (thank you state of washington trans healthcare laws). i came out to my mother a second time, and her reaction was much different this time. maybe due to the distance that had grown between us, the past hostility that left scars still bleeding, but i suspect it was because telling her that her firstborn son was actually a woman was much scarier to her than telling her that i didn't really care about gender.

this photo is from the day that i had my first HRT appointment. my soft chin, once a weakness, could be bared proudly, the ambiguity in my face becoming something that i cherished.

a year later, i had the longest hair of my life. if i shaved and wore makeup, and dressed right, i could get gendered correctly so long as i didn't speak. in that regard, i was truly getting the full experience of womanhood. my relationship with my partner was going strong. i thought that i had found my forever.

things got messy. you will probably hear me say this again. you won't find many better ways to describe my life, other than messy. my partner had always been polyamorous, but i was not, and had not ever pretended that this was not the case. so when one of my partners friends confessed her love to them, they went into panic mode. suddenly they were pushing everyone away, reverting to old bad habits and anxieties, and our relationship began to fall apart.

the friend, we'll call her A, pretended to move on, started dating someone else. my own friendship with A was strained by the situation, and her new partner, a butch lesbian named rowan, seemed to be suffering for it. i realized that the only way our relationships could survive was if we tried to work out an agreement to polyamory. in the end that wasn't enough, but i was desperate. i was starting to see the cracks, realizing that if this fell apart, i would be homeless again. my leg injury had already been so badly worsened from my first experience with homelessness, i knew that going through it again would be the end of me.

since my partner and A were now seeing each other, i began to get ignored. the only time either of them spent talking to me was talking about each other, either joyous or trying to fix some new problem. at this point, i started getting to know rowan. we had a lot in common, i had never talked to a butch before, let alone known one, and seeing the way that they navigated gender made me jealous. i didn't know why.

more and more, rowan and i were separated from the broader relationship, and as we talked more, something developed. i had already felt it the first time we spoke, on some level, but it had grown and grown, from respect, to admiration, to desire and love. we were in a polyamorous relationship after all, so it made sense to me. but shortly after, when i told my partner what i was feeling, they freaked out. this wasn't the agreement, they had only agreed to them being able to date other people, didn't think that it would need to be specified because i wasn't polyamorous.

the entire relationship falls apart and we go back to being two separate couples, and the end of that came swiftly after. they cheated on me with A, and when i found out, that was it. my now ex partner told me that i could stay at the apartment until the lease ran out, and they would move back in with their parents. they took all the furniture, i was left with an ancient computer, a blanket, some clothes, and two pillows. my depression came back with a vengeance, and i stopped eating. by the time the lease ran out, i had lost a dangerous amount of weight. i became homeless for the second time at age 22.

this time, after only six months, i found a thin sliver of hope. i was given a place to stay. a single-wide trailer that i would share with three other trans women and a hairy nonbinary lesbian. you've probably heard the stories of similar situations. it's impossible to have healthy boundaries in a space the size of a can of sardines. or healthy anything really. i got involved in an incredibly toxic relationship with one of the other trans women, who i found out was dating nearly a dozen other people.

the only thing i could do was try to feel wanted. desired. i began experimenting with my image.

i re-established contact with rowan, but there was so much there that i couldn't bring myself to face yet. as i began to experiment with more masculine presentation, those around me took a greater interest in me. i was an object of desire. it was the most worth i had felt i ever had.

i wasn't eating again. so my weight kept dropping. in the three-odd years since my first encounter with homelessness, i had lost 30% of my entire bodyweight. this only made my physical issues get worse and worse.

i wasn't done with experimentation though. what could i do with this newfound territory?

the time came. i couldn't stay anymore. the relationship had fallen apart, and my connection to the household had been sent away in exile. the irony of this is not lost on me. i was lucky enough to be able to couch surf for a few months this time.

i lost weight again.

and again.

my knee got worse and worse. my iliotibial band tore. my birthday came and went, nobody celebrated except for rowan, now my only friend.

a week after my birthday, a lesbian couple contacted me. told me that they had a spare bedroom, and that if i could cover the costs of my own food, could stay for as long as i liked.

i started HRT again. rowan and i had managed to work through all the shit and scum of our past and started a relationship anew. it felt like this could be real.

i started to look a lot like my mom. kind of uncomfortably like my mom. rowan was butch, so i had thought i should be a femme. i didn't understand what that meant, but whatever it was i attempted, it wavered dramatically.

i began to switch, every month or so, between masculine and feminine presentation. my chest had grown enough that it was visible now, and i experienced an equal amount of joy and fear when i was gendered correctly in public, having learned to fear people finding out that i was a trans woman.

the weight didn't come back. it was like my body had burned itself so far down that it could not regrow. i had no energy, and my physical condition continued to deteriorate. but i was allowed to be myself. and i was in love with a butch. maybe that would be enough.

i began to develop a fashion sense of my own. the butch label was starting to appeal to me. and my roommates seemed to agree, since they both shifted towards butchness and masculinity alongside me. but it wasn't to last. one of my roommates, a TME lesbian i'm gonna call M, suddenly went off on a transmisogynistic rant to me. M's partner was a trans woman, and hearing this caused me to suddenly re-evaluate everything. did this happen because M viewed me as more masculine now, a more acceptable target? would this happen to G, M's partner?

i hardcore shifted gears back to feminine presentation. it felt safer. i stopped eating again. things weren't okay, but they were bearable this way. but then, one day, we got locked out of our apartment. a stupid, played out thing that happens to everyone at least once. while my roommate G went to see if the apartment manager was in with a spare key, i attempted to climb our balcony and get in through the unlocked back door. when i was up on the railing of our balcony, it gave way, and i fell to the asphalt below, breaking my back. following a trend that i set half a decade ago, i didn't realize it had happened. my back hurt, but i thought it would go away. it did, replaced by a vast numbness through the middle of my back. i began to collapse any time i tried to exhert myself physically at all. i would only find out why years later. the fact that i couldn't contribute to chores anymore, and nobody knew why, made the situation with M deteriorate much faster.

at my lowest point in years. my relationship with rowan was the only thing that kept me from giving up, but after the third time M decided to spew vileness at me i just spent months locked away in my room, terrified that any time i saw M was going to be another lecture about how i was disrespectful, loud, obtrusive, intimidating, too quiet, too lazy, whatever incoherent train of thought i would have to face next.

it was too much to handle in combination with the events of 2020, the lockdowns, the illness, the forest fires, things ended up coming to a head. at age 25, i became homeless for the third time, during the pandemic and a wildfire that filled the air with plastic fumes so thick you couldn't see ten feet in front of you.

i got in contact with my mother and had her take my cat, because i knew i couldn't take care of her like this. that was the last time i saw my cat in person before she died. rowan was frantically trying anything and everything possible to help me. i thought that this might be the end.

three and a half years ago today i got the best news of my life. there was a way out. it would be a long and tricky road, involving moving my whole life to a new country. but we could do it. not only could we do it, but we actually did it. in a months time, i was in rowan's arms. for the first time in our years of knowing each other, there was nothing keeping us apart any longer.

i was finally able to rest. able to eat. i started to regain weight for the first time in nearly a decade. i felt my energy come back, slowly at first, and then more and more until i was capable of functioning, even if at a low level. it's around then that i find out the truth of what happened to my back. it still hasn't properly healed.

in my gratefullness for life and love, i briefly forgot my identity crisis. i was happy to just exist without fear and pain. it wasn't until about a year ago, when a miracle occurred, that this changed.

i woke up one morning, feeling more energetic than usual. i think to myself, maybe i can do some light exercise, for old times sake.

my knee doesn't hurt.

my knee doesn't hurt.

MY KNEE DOESN'T HURT.

a wound that i thought would dictate my life forever, given actual time to rest and food to fuel the process, had healed. everything that i had ever given up on came rushing back into my head, ideas about who i could be, what i could become, what other injuries i might be able to recover from if i treat them right and rebuild myself. ten months ago i began to work out consistently. my back is slowly healing. i am stronger than i ever was before.

i have had to rebuild myself so many times. did i ever discover the secret of butchness in the process? no, that's something that i think will take the rest of my life. for now, my butchness is an enduring pillar, the only part of myself that never fully burnt away. standing up for myself, being my own person, loving another butch, refusing to lose the kindness i so desperately clung to my whole life, refusing to limit myself and my dreams, this is who i am. i am friends with other butches. i am not alone anymore. for now, this is butch. this is me.

[pansyfemme]

is it possible that you're willing to share more information about the boyfriend.... 🥺🥺🥺

(i love your blog as a baby trans guy i feel so inspired you're epic)

first. thanks! and second. none of this is info i havent shared before, i’m happy to talk about him (and i do) but i don’t want to overshare since yknow. i have a pretty big precense on this site and i worry about overwheming him with internet attention at times, yknow. i do. still talk about him a lot tho. so. idk its early

well. uh. we go to school together, so we’re both artists. we’re t4t, he’s also a fairly feminine guy who wears dresses and has long hair, but he’s in a pretty different direction-he wears a lot of black and is more gothically inclined. we started seeing eachother a bit over 3 months ago. we’ve known eachother since freshman year, but have never been super close friends, but a sort of. mutual admiration. i always thought he was very cool but i tend to. stick to my own group at school i guess? and he’s similar in that respect. I developed more of a substantial crush on him some months ago, and he apperantly did for me as well. and i could. tell a little bit. what started us talking though was that we have a mutual friend who gave him my phone number and often would stop by his work with me when we were hanging out, since she knew we thought the other person was cool. (she did. not know our intent was romantic, but she matchmade in a weird way regardless) I had been flirting with him for a little bit, especially at the times we did text, but i don’t think he. got thats what i was doing. and i dont think i was very good at it, so eventually, a few days after i moved home for the summer, i asked him, in a very awkward way, if he was interested in going out with me sometime, and learned that he did not. seem to suspect me liking him back despite me assuming he already knew. regardless, the intense crush was indeed very mutual, so he was very excited by the idea lol. we live a bit from eachother and both dont drive, so it took us a few weeks to be able to go on our first date, but it was lovely. he also came down for a few days to visit me for my birthday, which was. the highlight of at least the year for me. it was pretty fantastic. i’m not exactly outgoing but i’m not exactly not either so. i was worried about it but he doesnt think he would have had the confidence to make the first move until much later on so i’m pretty glad i did? we’re both chronically anxious so it was kind of. a realization on my part that it was probably best if i was as blunt as humanly possibly, and it. worked? i sound very awkward but im really over the moon about the whole thing. he’s a remarkably smart and sweet person, and incredibly talented at. everything he does. i feel very lucky. he’s also followed me on here for quite some time and he finds my internet prescense. very entertaining. which i’m glad because i was worried it would turn him off lol. i promise i am more polite irl. but yeah :) i’m excited to be able to see him in person consistantly for once.

[anthrophobixx]

★GET TO KNOW ME★

The name's Gina, pronouns are they/she/he (they preferred) I'm a trans genderfluid nb pan romanian/hungarian artist and u probably already know me for being that crazy bitch on twitter who's obsessed with olandy ^____^

I also have a bird app (duh) and an insta :]

C★MMISSION SLOTS: 3/3

-> !! CW FOR EYESTRAIN, BE CAREFUL WHEN FOLLOWING !! <-

if ur interested in commissioning me, here's everything you need to know ^^

ALSO ALSO I loooove making moots/friends !! I'm just very anxious, but I'm open to chat :DD

IF I DO OR SAY SMTH WRONG PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP, I'M VERY OPEN TO BEING CORRECTED N EDUCATED !!!

TAGS:

art - # gina's art shenanigans

inbox art requests - # inbox mischief

rambles n shi - # gina says stuff

animations - # gina's art shenanigans but...they're moving

★ dni/byf/interests/favs after cut ★

DNI

No dni, I block freely. Pro/comshippers, zionists n bigots are an immediate nono though. I'd also prefer if people who sexualize Mingus Crown specifically would not interact, I can't stop you and I'm not going to, it's just a personal discomfort of mine

Just b nice 2 me n we good ☠️

BYF

I have anxiety, depression and ptsd (all diagnosed !!) so uh be patient w me pls

My main comfort is olandy and 75% of my page is gonna be about them

I don't engage in discourse cuz it's dumb and I hate it

I ship phonesport stuff, steter, whatever the fuck if u get pissy abt that dni

I'm also hypersexual because ofc I am

IF I BLOCKED YOU IT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE:

You fit in my extremely short dni

You harass and attack other people for disagreeing with u totally not directed by the way

You constantly hate on olandy once again it's my main source of comfort and also my main hyperfixation so I don't take constant hate too well (this doesn't apply if ur uncomfy w the ship and express said discomfort from time to time [I love u to death aris mwah mwah])

You said weird shit 2 me or abt my art I'm still a kid lol

Interests (bold italic = hyperfix)

Dialtown

Regular show

Garten of banban

Pokemon

Smiling friends

Poppy Playtime

Tadc

Gravity falls

Dsaf

Fnaf

The walten files

Favs

Dialtown: Jerry, Callum, Randy, Oliver, Gingi, Karen

Dsaf: Peter, Roger, Jake, Steven, Henry, Matt

Regular show: Benson, Mordecai, Rigby, Cj, Pops

Garten of Banban: Jumbo josh, toadster, banbaleena

Pokemon: Brock, Misty, Ash, Cilan, Dawn, Serena, Kiawe

Also pokemon: Hypno, Sceptile, Azumarill, Quagsire, Voltorb, Skarmory, Primeape, Hitmonlee, Charizard, Croagunk line, Alolaichu, Garchomp and a lot more

Smiling friends: Allan, Charlie (obv)

Kins

Gingi, Randy, Roger, Jake, Rigby, Cj, Ash, Misty, Serena, Mabel, Stan, Dipper, Pim. Personalitywise it really depends on the ppl I'm around

BLINKIES AND STAMPS THEY ARE SO SILLAAAAAY I LOVE EM

Oki I think that's all :33

[siriuslydeadfr]

The thing about Luca is that. And I say this as a writer, I suppose, but also as a queer person, that he exudes a certain feeling of safety, and comfort. Like, to have him play something will mean he's going to give you his everything. No matter the character, you'll see a sincerity that isn't just the product of the script, or the demand of it, but also the mind of the actor.

To know that a person of his calibre is out there playing queer characters so effortlessly, and without a doubt in their mind, without any prejudice blinding his artistic choices and who he is as a person, it's obviously a ray of hope, but it is also, then, a kind of trust, even if it is just parasocial in many ways.

I know if it's Luca playing a certain queer character - regardless of what happens to them in the script, that is if the script is stupid and insincere to the queer perspective in certain ways - I'd still easily trust him to do justice to the queer experience, for how sincerely he plays everything.

The whole every-character-of-his having a underlying homoerotic quality to them is all fun and cool and great and beautiful, but also, it's so fucking refreshing

It's been decades of asking for the correct representation in media, it's been years and years of queerbaiting and, if not that, just general lack of care

I've been accustomed to just wanting some of my favourite characters to be gay. Just thinking and wishing and hoping that someone someday will let them reach the full scope of their personality, let them have the right sort of ending, see first the fabric of their person, and not just the thread of their sexuality, and maybe then write the script. There have been all sorts of emotions, and so to find now a person who is doing just that? It's pure beauty.

For a while now it's been changing, more and more shows and films are becoming inclusive and accepting and understanding of the queer gaze, and it's so beautiful that Luca contributes to it with his whole heart, and has been for a long while.

Many must remember how it used to get with artists and makers always denying or trying to tip toe around the obvious queerbait, or shying away from the conversations that involved that queer perspective, or outright rejecting the very idea- it happens still - but then you see the likes of Luca and Marwan being comfortable in each other's company and also about the love they shared on screen (especially, i think, it begs to say, with them being men), talking happily about their characters, making playlists for them, recommending poems for them

A lot many actors now are open to these conversations, a lot of them now talk about it with nuance and care, with just the right words, and though it's in no way any less a contribution to the conversation, or any less genuine, but again, there is something to be said about the ease Luca shows.

Again, as I said before.. it feels safe, with him.

In a lot of his interviews, he doesn't bat an eye before saying things like - I was lucky to have him as my husband. And he means it, you can tell that by the smile on his face. When people are focusing on the movies' objective and the friendships in it, he easily goes and says it's not only the friendship, but also the love.

In another of his interviews, there was once this question about Roberta, about if he knew what was demanded from him and how he prepared for a transsexual character. I remember it because I was almost sure I'll be hearing some generic answer like I studied trans people for this role and this that blah blah, something ignorant, basically. I was braced for it. But he just said. (And he was talking in english, and all that he was trying to say was conveyed more through his face and gestures, it was super cute actually) - I read the script, and I just felt something. I didn't think about playing a transsexual, but a woman, with a friend. It was important for me to show the love she had for him. So. I just played a woman helping out a friend :)

And I was like ?? wait that's? That's all? You're not going to go deep into the character's psyche and the great moral upstanding you must be feeling for doing a role like this? You're not going to talk about how you "prepared" for this role or how it was "different" for you?

I was so used to people doing that, his simple answer took me by surprise.

and that's what's so refreshing, so comforting.

There's no hesitation in him, no prejudice or preconceived notions or activism, even, compelling his choices and words.

It's just him, plain and simple.

He's committed to his art in a way that people rarely are. Especially in media, where even big companies and huge hollywood stars often fail you.

I wish more people in this world were like him. So gently open in his ways, so effortless in his understanding and acceptance that it becomes intrinsic to him.

He's one of the few people, I would say, who are an artist not just by work, but also by nature.

[gerrystamour]

grow back your sharpest teeth (you know my desire)

Rated E | Steddie Week Day 7: Free Space | 5600 Words | Complete

“Wouldn’t you be Ken, though?” Steve had hoped Eddie would ask a question like that and he had to refrain from punching the air and ruining his punchline. “I come with all the coolest accessories, so clearly I’m still Barbie,” Steve retorted, his voice going just a bit deeper as he leaned closer to Eddie. This is my final entry for @steddie-week Day 7: Free Space and holy moly CW: This is a transmasc Steve Harrington fic and he, like me, does not have bottom-dysphoria and the fic refers to his genitalia with a mixture of feminine & masculine terminology. ADDITIONALLY, this fic features a novelty strap-on and breeding kink.

[ READ ON AO3 ]

“This is the dumbest, silliest, most ridiculous idea you’ve ever come up with, Dingus,” Robin said fondly as she followed Steve down the street.

“That’s a lot of words for ‘completely genius,’ Robs,” Steve sniffed indignantly, ignoring Robin’s raised eyebrow.

“So, this has nothing to do with a certain tattoo artist you’ve been trying to seduce for months?” she asked knowingly, and Steve stood up straighter.

When Steve had met Eddie Munson a year ago, he had instantly fallen for him and had lamented that fact to Robin in excruciating detail. They’d met each other when Dustin finally talked Steve into joining a one-shot at his nerdy club thing. Had Dustin disclosed that the DM was literally the hottest man on the planet, Steve would’ve agreed a lot quicker to joining the table.

Not only was Eddie hot, though: he was hilarious and sweet, plus he was a tattoo artist and he played guitar, and Steve was also pretty sure he sang. Either way, Steve was very much into him, and he was sure that the feelings were reciprocated but it was impossible to actually get Eddie alone and ask him out.

Then Robin jokingly brought up getting matching tattoos and Steve had an idea.

See, when Robin “jokingly” mentioned something, that usually meant she was serious about it but was presenting it as a joke to blow it off if someone thought it was stupid. The thing was, Steve never thought her ideas were stupid, especially not the ideas as brilliant as getting matching tattoos of the Barbie logo.

They could go to Eddie for the tattoos, and while Eddie was working on him, Steve could finally talk to him a bit more one-on-one, making his intentions clear. It was perfect.

“Of course, this has something to do with Eddie, but it’s also just a completely genius idea, Robs,” Steve said easily, grinning over at her as they reached the door to the shop.

Once they were inside, Steve took a look around and saw that the place was empty. They were the last appointments of the day, Eddie had said, so Steve wasn’t too shocked.

At the sound of the door chiming, Eddie poked his head out of the office in the back and grinned, his dimples on full display and making Steve’s heart stutter.

“Hey! You’re early,” Eddie said as he walked out to greet them properly. “I’ve got a couple designs done for you to choose from.”

Soon they were huddled around a battered iPad, discussing the designs Eddie drew up based on the Barbie logo until they decided on one that they both liked the best.

“I want mine in baby blue, and Steve wants his in Barbie pink,” Robin said, and Eddie laughed warmly at that.

“Listen, normally I don’t care about the tattoos my clients get, but since you’re friends I’m really curious,” Eddie confessed, gesturing at the design. “Why the Barbie logo?”

Robin laughed a bit nervously and Steve spoke up. “I mean, you know we’re both trans, right? Well, Barbie is the ideal, she’s everything, so especially for Robs here, she’s kind of a huge deal. Y’know?”

Eddie nodded with a grin. “That’s sick, I love it,” he said before turning a sly look at Steve. “Wouldn’t you be Ken, though?”

Steve had hoped Eddie would ask a question like that and he had to refrain from punching the air and ruining his punchline.

“I come with all the coolest accessories, so clearly I’m still Barbie,” Steve retorted, his voice going just a bit deeper as he leaned closer to Eddie.

Just as he’d hoped, Eddie blushed lightly and he glanced at Steve’s mouth, just like he always did when Steve flirted. Then Eddie laughed breathlessly, and he smirked suggestively.

“I bet you do, big boy,” he teased, and Steve had to hold back from cheering loudly as once again, Eddie played into the little script he’d practiced all week.

“You can always come over sometime and see for yourself,” Steve offered almost innocently if not for the way he nudged Eddie’s ankle with his foot. “Maybe even take a couple for a spin?”

Eddie’s eyes widened and his face turned a gorgeous shade of red before he cleared his throat. “Stevie, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were asking me out,” Eddie said with an almost nervous laugh and Steve nearly screamed in frustration. Why was this man so oblivious?

“You apparently don’t actually know better,” Steve pressed then added firmly, “I wouldn’t say no to taking you out for dinner.”

Eddie blinked at Steve, his mouth falling open before he closed it quickly with a click. “Okay, yeah, sure,” Eddie said, sounding a bit strangled as he glanced at Steve’s mouth and then he stood up. “I’m going to print the stencils and we’ll get started?”

“Sounds good!” Robin said brightly. The moment Eddie disappeared into his office she turned on Steve with a shocked expression. “I cannot actually believe—oh my god, is that the Harrington Charm you’re always going on about?”

Steve smirked a bit, more than a little bit smug. “I mean, yeah,” he said with a heavy dose of fake modesty.

“Wow, that was… wow,” Robin huffed with an incredulous laugh.

When Eddie returned, they returned to the friendly banter they normally had, though there were more than a few lingering glances between him and Steve. Robin went first, getting hers done on her ribs which she didn’t even flinch through. Steve was impressed.

Once hers was done, she had to leave for work, which meant Steve would be alone with Eddie for the duration of his own tattoo.

Which, again, Steve had sort of planned.

But Steve kept it professional, platonic, while Eddie worked on his tattoo. Steve was getting his done on his back, just over his right shoulder blade. When it was done and Steve had paid for both tattoos, Eddie grabbed his wrist.

“Are you seriously asking me out?” Eddie asked, his face unsure.

Steve blinked at him for a bit before he nodded. “Yeah, Eds, I’ve been trying to ask you out since I met you,” he admitted with a laugh when Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Why, though?” Eddie asked, his voice a bit guarded.

That threw Steve off. Eddie always seemed confident, untouchable, out-of-reach. “Because you’re funny, you’re really sweet, you have an amazing smile, and you’re hot as hell,” Steve listed quickly and easily, shrugging slightly. “I’ve been really into you since I met you, man.”

Eddie laughed a bit, disbelieving but happy sounding. “Okay, I’d—I want to go out with you, but I’m a bit of a life’s-short-eat-dessert-first kind of guy, so…” Eddie trailed off, raising his eyebrows at Steve suggestively.

Steve leaned over the counter, bringing their faces close together. “You wanna go for a ride before I wine and dine you, Eddie?” he asked in a low, teasing voice and Eddie actually choked.

“Jesus H Christ, Stevie, you’re actually gonna kill me,” Eddie admitted with a weak laugh.

“You want me to stop?” he asked genuinely.

“Fuck, no, please don’t,” Eddie said quickly, shaking his head a bit.

With a laugh, Steve nodded. “How does next Saturday night sound?”

“I’ll have to check my calendar,” Eddie said with a dimpled grin. “I’ll text you.”

“Sounds perfect, Eds,” Steve replied as he leaned even closer over the counter. “Can I kiss you?”

Eddie’s breath whooshed out of him, but he nodded almost frantically, and Steve wasted no time closing the distance between them.

It was a quick kiss, almost chaste if not for the hungry groan Steve let out just before he pulled back. Eddie chased the kiss, but he was stopped by the counter when Steve took a step back toward the door. “See you on Saturday,” he said and then he left the shop.

It was only when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket with Eddie’s text message that Steve actually allowed himself to celebrate his win.

Eddie was absolutely not freaking out. That would be ridiculous. It’s not like he’d never slept with a guy way too hot for him before.

It would be the first time he slept with a guy that was way too hot for him and also a friend, though.

See, he was very much into Steve Harrington ever since that first time he played D&D with his club. The moment Dustin strolled in with Steve in tow, Eddie’s fate was sealed, and he resigned himself to pining after him forever. The constant stream of flirting wasn’t lost on Eddie, but there was no way Steve could be meaning it.

Eddie knew he wasn’t ugly or anything, but he also wasn’t hot, at least not on the same level as Steve. He knew his good angles for photos, and he knew how to style himself best, but he didn’t have the effortless looks like Steve. Eddie didn’t wake up looking gorgeous like Steve likely did.

Aside from that, Eddie was an absolute nerd, a weirdo, and Steve was as normal as they came. Sure, Steve played one-shots with Hellfire, but he never asked to join the actual party or anything like that. Plus, the moment Eddie got too excited about one of his nerdy books, shows, movies, or whatever, he knew Steve would take off.

Despite Steve’s flirting, the man exuded “vanilla” and while Eddie would definitely still enjoy that, he knew it was only a matter of time before Steve would find out his true desires. If Steve ever saw his collection of toys at home…

Which is why he’s going over to Steve’s place. Nothing crazy to scare anyone off before they got off at least once. Eddie could absolutely pretend to be normal for one, maybe two hook-ups. He would definitely be ignoring the little pang in his chest about only sleeping with Steve a couple times.

All that mattered was he was spending the night at Steve’s, and he was probably going to have the best sex of his life and he would be fine walking away from that.

Arriving at Steve’s apartment, Eddie knocked and waited a bit anxiously for Steve to answer. The moment the door opened, Eddie smoothed his expression into something cockier as he leaned against the door frame, smirking as Steve smiled brightly at him.

“Heya, how’s it going, big boy?” he asked, voice low and suggestive.

Steve laughed and to Eddie’s surprise, he pulled Eddie in for a sweet kiss. “Better now that you’re here,” Steve murmured against his lips before dragging him inside.

“You hit all the guys you seduce with that corny line, Stevie?” Eddie asked a bit breathlessly as Steve pushed his leather jacket off his shoulders. Steve just chuckled as he moved his mouth to Eddie’s throat and ran his hands up underneath his shirt.

“Only the very special guys,” Steve hummed directly into Eddie’s ear as he walked him further into the apartment. Eddie’s gut fluttered at that, and he tried to calm himself down.

Everything became a bit of a whirlwind after that, between grasping hands, greedy mouths, and rolling hips but eventually Eddie’s senses returned to him. They were sprawled across Steve’s bed, Eddie on his back with the other man on top of him with his hip rocking against Eddie’s dick. Both of them were completely naked, actually humping each other like teenagers as they panted into the sloppy kiss they shared.

Eddie snapped out of his daze and grabbed Steve’s hips, stilling his perfect, rolling motion and gasped, “Whoa, tiger. Let’s slow down a bit, or we’re gonna be done before we even start.”

“Tsk, aw, you can only come once?” Steve asked with an exaggerated little frown, his tone teasing but there was an edge of meanness to it that had a thrill rocketing through Eddie. “Can’t relate at all.”

Steve pushed up and crawled back just enough to stop touching Eddie’s cock and properly straddling his thigh. Hooking a hand under Eddie’s thigh, Steve brought his leg up to press firmly against the hot, wet mess of curls between his legs. With a happy little groan, Steve pinned Eddie’s hips against the bed, bracing himself with that contact, and started rocking his dick against his leg in earnest.

All Eddie could do was lay there while Steve moved, his hips moving in a sinful, swiveling motion that hinted at what Eddie had to look forward to. At that thought, Eddie groaned and reached up to run his hands over Steve’s stomach and chest. He thumbed the tattooed leaves and vines that followed the thin scars below Steve’s pecs, and Eddie relished the way Steve groaned at his light touch.

Steve let out another desperate sound as his stomach tensed, and Eddie was brought back to the present moment. Looking down, Eddie let out a thick groan at the shine of Steve’s slick spread over the tattooed skin of his thigh. Steve was so wet, and Eddie wanted to taste him there, to pull Steve up over his face and fucking drown himself with it.

A second later, a punched-out, shattered cry burst out of Steve’s throat, and he rocked hard and erratically against Eddie’s leg. Steve was beautiful when he came, with his perfect mouth open with his strangled noises and his strong brow furrowed, a pretty pink blush staining his cheeks, down his throat, and across his chest.

It was such a gorgeous sight, Eddie wanted to see it again, immediately.

Eddie reached up to wrap a hand around the back of Steve’s head, tangling in his thick hair and pulling him down for a hungry kiss. Dropping his leg, Eddie reached between Steve’s thighs with his other hand and began working his dick between his fingers. Steve was making delicious little noises against Eddie’s lips, rocked down to meet Eddie’s hand.

Pulling away from the kiss, Eddie asked, “Inside okay?”

“Yeah,” Steve moaned, and Eddie immediately slid two fingers further back and into Steve’s cunt.

Eddie didn’t waste any time in searching for Steve’s sweet spot, crooking his fingers at the same time he angled his thumb to continue working Steve’s dick.

The noise that tumbled from Steve’s throat and into Eddie’s mouth was intoxicating, and Eddie doubled his efforts. Steve’s cunt clenched around his fingers and Eddie pulled Steve’s head back enough to watch his face as he came with a shuddering whine.

Steve’s second release was just as beautiful. Some part of him wanted his phone so he could take a picture so he could see it again in the future.

“Okay, enough,” Steve groaned, reaching down to push Eddie’s hand away and climbing off of him to lounge back on his elbows. A suggestive expression settled across Steve’s features as he said, “There’s some shelves in the closet over there. How about you go choose your ride?”

If Eddie wasn’t so aroused, he’d be embarrassed at how quickly he clambered off the bed.

The moment Eddie stepped into the walk-in closet; he was first taken aback by the sea of polos while he searched for the shelves in question. When his eyes landed on them finally, he very nearly choked on his own tongue.

See, Eddie figured Steve had a decent collection of strap-ons if he was bragging so brazenly all this time, and he assumed it was a variation of sizes, textures, and features like vibrators and the like. What he never even considered was that Steve was a freak like him. Yet there he was standing in Steve’s closet looking at a collection of dildos that looked very similar to the ones Eddie used on himself at home. Except there was a lot more than Eddie was able to afford on his modest paycheque.

To put it simply, almost every single cock was a novelty cock. There were fat dragon cocks, long werewolf cocks with mouth-watering knots, tentacles of varying softnesses and lengths. Some Steve had doubles of, and the only difference was that the one had a cum-tube and the other didn’t. One of the werewolf cocks was repeated in every size possible except for the smallest.

On the bottom shelf were the normal dildos that Eddie had expected which gave that illusion of choice that had his stomach doing somersaults. Eddie could go for the normal ones, play at being normal for the night and gradually ease into the freaky shit with Steve. But his eyes kept returning to the shelf practically dedicated to all the cocks with knots, particularly the one Steve had in all the sizes.

Deciding on the werewolf one was easy enough, but choosing the size was tough. Looking closer, he noticed that Steve had ordered these cocks with a cum-tube, but only in the medium, large, and extra-large ones. The ones where the knots were at least as wide as a fucking soda can.

So, Steve was a freak freak. Eddie was maybe actually in love.

“You good in there, Eds?” Steve called, and the knowing tone in his voice had shame burning hot in Eddie’s gut, making his cock fucking leak.

“Y-yeah,” Eddie replied, clearing his throat as he grabbed the medium werewolf cock with the cum-tube, feeling his blush down to his bellybutton. He could absolutely take the bigger ones—and did so fairly often at home with the ones he owned—but he had never had the pleasure of someone else fucking him with a cock that large. It was better to start a little smaller, right?

Stepping back out into the bedroom, Eddie had to work to maintain eye-contact as he held the dildo out to Steve.

The toothy, broad grin that split Steve’s face had Eddie’s legs shaking under his weight. “The medium, huh?” Steve hummed knowingly as he slid off the bed and stood so close to Eddie, they were almost touching. Looking Eddie up and down appraisingly, Steve added, “I was sure you’d choose the large at least.”

Eddie opened his mouth to argue, but all that came out was a choked-off whine as a new wave of shame sent more heat rushing south. Somehow this asshole—this hot, amazing, freak of an asshole—had him figured out completely and they were barely even friends.

“Figured we could save that for next time, hm?” Eddie said without consciously deciding to do so, and Steve’s wolfish grin softened around the edges, his eyes bright with something other than lust.

“Next time, huh? Haven’t even got my cock in you and you’re planning for next time?” Steve asked teasingly as he took the dildo from Eddie, and his grin turned wicked again as he realized it was one with a cum-tube. Steve practically purred as he asked, “Oh, Eddie. You want me to breed you?”

Eddie couldn’t have responded to that question any other way if he wanted to. “Fuck, please,” he all but moaned, shivering under Steve’s heated gaze.

Steve leaned in as if to kiss Eddie, but stopped short and said, “How about you get comfy on the bed while I get ready.”

Then Steve slapped his ass and slipped past him into the closet to grab one of the leather harnesses.

Eddie almost stood there and watched Steve get ready, but getting on the bed also had its merits. Scrambling back onto it, he realized there was a stack of towels on the edge. That meant a few things, all of which had Eddie spiraling for different reasons.

Firstly, it meant that Steve was either prepared with towels near his bed on principle, or he had enough time to grab them while Eddie blue-screened choosing a cock to rearrange his guts with. The former was so endearing it hurt Eddie’s heart, and the latter was honestly a bit embarrassing.

Secondly, Steve knew this was going to be messy, possibly even guessed from the start that Eddie would choose a cock that could inject a bunch of lube deep into his ass. That was a lot to unpack, especially with how much it had his cock weeping onto the comforter.

Remembering his actual task, he debated how to set himself up for Steve. The other man didn’t tell him what to do with himself, just to get comfy, so it was up to Eddie. Part of him wanted to be facing Steve, but that felt too intimate, too soon.

With a shudder, Eddie piled up all the pillows under the comforter then laid two towels over it. Then Eddie settled on his elbows and knees above the pile with a sigh, his chest sinking into the pillows comfortably. It was enough to make Eddie blush even deeper, having his ass on full display while he was virtually alone in an unfamiliar bedroom. The thought of Steve stepping out of the closet and seeing him like that on the bed—

“Holy shit, Eds.”

Eddie wasn’t sure when it had happened, but his eyes had closed. Opening them quickly, he looked over and nearly came at the sight of Steve wearing the cock of his dreams, held on with a light-pink leather harness. The syringe for the cum-tube was held against Steve’s skin under one of the straps, and Eddie could tell Steve had prepared a full load by how far the plunger was pulled out.

Steve’s expression was equal parts awed and lustful as his eyes traveled over his body, and Eddie almost wanted to hide. There was nothing so special about him for someone like Steve to be looking at Eddie like that.

Then that predatory grin returned in full force as Steve climbed onto the bed behind Eddie, dropping a bottle of lube next to Eddie’s knee. That smile was going to be the star of Eddie’s fantasies for the rest of life.

“Presenting yourself so pretty for me already, sweetheart?” Steve cooed, the affection in his tone in direct contrast to the rough way he groped Eddie’s ass apart and exposed his hole even more.

“Steve,” Eddie whined when the rough pad of Steve’s thumb pressed flat across his entrance, teasing at pushing in dry.

“What, baby?” Steve asked, taking his thumb away to spit almost directly on his hole.

“Oh, holy shit,” Eddie practically squeaked out, his cock throbbing at the sensation of Steve’s saliva sliding down his taint as the thumb returned to massage his entrance again.

“You like that, sweetheart?” Steve purred, and while it was worded like a question, it was absolutely said as a statement. It was an observation.

“Steve, please, fuck me,” Eddie begged, tears springing to his eyes when he felt Steve’s cock slide against his inner thigh.

“Gotta prepare you first, Eds,” Steve responded, his tone smug as he grabbed the lube to slick his fingers.

“Won’t need much,” Eddie whimpered as the first digit slid easily into him.

Steve laughed at that a bit. “You get fucked like this regularly?” he asked, and Eddie shuddered as a second finger pressed into him.

“N-no, only on my own, with my own t-toys,” Eddie managed to gasp out as he rocked back against the fingers gently fucking him.

Steve groaned. “You have a cock like mine at home?” he asked, his voice a low growl.

“Y-yeah,” Eddie replied with a moan as a third finger pushed inside.

Finally, Steve’s fingers curled downward sharply, nailing Eddie’s prostate with scary accuracy and dragging a scream from his throat. “How often do you fuck yourself on my cock without me, sweetheart?” Steve asked, voice thick with his want.

The way that was worded, the implication of possession, had Eddie panting even more than the stimulation against his prostate did. “Often e-enough,” he whimpered in response, eyes rolling back when Steve spread his fingers in his hole.

“You are pretty loose,” Steve agreed with an edge to his tone that was just mean enough for Eddie’s cock to throb hotly. “But you’ve never had someone else give it to you?”

“Never, I promise, never,” Eddie gasped out, and caught up as he was in the moment, Eddie looked over his shoulder with a shy flutter of his lashes. “You’re my first, Stevie.”

For the first time that evening, Eddie seemed to actually catch Steve off guard, leaving the gorgeous man speechless as he stared down at him. Steve’s jaw was clenched, and nostrils flared while he took a few controlled breaths.

“Stevie?” Eddie prompted, rocking back onto the fingers that had stilled inside him.

Eddie’s voice seemed to do the trick in snapping Steve out of his thoughts. Withdrawing his fingers, he got started on slicking the length of his cock to the knot with a liberal amount of lube. The sound of his hand on it was absolutely obscene, it was so wet.

After a few moments, Steve spat on Eddie’s hole again and grinned at the way Eddie whimpered, then he was lining up and pushing inside.

It hurt, of course it did, but it was definitely on the good side of hurt. Eddie’s entire world narrowed onto the cock splitting his ass open, the way the girth widened as it slid into him. Once again, Eddie found that his eyes were screwed shut without him consciously choosing to close them. Blinking rapidly and looking over his shoulder, Eddie groaned thickly at the way Steve was watching his cock slowly sink into him.

“Steve, please, faster,” Eddie whined, shaking with the effort not to rock back and take Steve’s cock the rest of the way. “I can take it, please.”

“Don’t be greedy, Eddie,” Steve scolded lightly, not even looking away from where they were connected. “I want to watch your pretty hole struggle to take my cock every inch of the way.”

“Stevie,” Eddie sobbed desperately, blushing all the way to his chest.

When Steve stopped at the thickest point of the length, Eddie shook. He was so full, the stretch of his hole around Steve overwhelming, the burn of it driving him insane. Eddie’s hole clenched around the girth, struggling to adjust, and he let out a low whine.

At that, Steve sighed and snapped his hips forward. Eddie choked as the knot was pressed flush against his hole, the length of Steve thick and heavy inside him.

“Gonna fuck you now, sweetheart,” Steve cooed, and Eddie’s eyes rolled back.

“Please, please, fuck me,” he gasped, shuddering as Steve slowly begins to pull out.

Steve chuckled darkly. “Not gonna be gentle with you,” he said, voice low and growling.

“Promise?” Eddie asked a bit cheekily, looking over his shoulder to meet Steve’s positively hungry look.

Just like that, what control Steve had over himself snapped and his hips began to move. As Eddie guessed, Steve’s thrusting movements earlier were foreshadowing for the main event, and Christ was it fucking amazing. Eddie could barely breathe as Steve fucked him relentlessly, his hands on Eddie’s hips dragging him back to meet his thrusts.

Eddie was getting loud with his pleasure, punched-out little half-screams exploding from his throat. Remembering that Steve lived in an apartment and likely had neighbours, Eddie bit the pillow his chest was pressed into, muffling himself a bit.

“No,” Steve growled, and then there was a hand twisting into Eddie’s hair and pulling, lifting Eddie’s face out of the pillow. “Let me hear you.”

“Your neighbours—”

“Are gonna know just how good you feel,” Steve interrupted, and he added an extra movement to his thrusts that had his cock nailing Eddie’s prostate on every slide inward.

“Steve, please, please, please,” Eddie babbled, feeling his release building hot and heavy in his gut. He didn’t want to come until he had Steve’s knot inside him, but he couldn’t get the words out, too busy sobbing Steve’s name. It didn’t help that Steve was now using his hair as leverage.

“What is it, Eds?” Steve asked and he stopped at the next thrust, pressing the knot against him but not pushing it in. Eddie whimpered, tears falling down his cheeks as Steve knew but refused to oblige.

“Please, Steve, want it,” Eddie managed to gasp out.

“Want what?” Steve asked knowingly, almost meanly.

Eddie whimpered and rocked back against the knot. “Want it,” was all he could say to articulate his needs. “All of it, please, all of it inside.”

“You want my knot, baby?” Steve groaned, and Eddie felt him pick up the bottle of lube. He could feel a thick stream of the slick stuff pooling against his hole and the knot until it was spilling down his thighs.

“Yes, yes, Steve, I want your knot,” Eddie sobbed, tears streaming down his face now.

“Gonna give it to you, baby, don’t you worry,” Steve promised, rocking against Eddie with a bit more purpose, each shift becoming a more insistent push. “Gonna seal you with it and pump you full of my pups, huh?”

Eddie let out an almost hysterical giggle at that, overwhelmed by just how much that was doing for him, how hot it was to imagine even for a second. “Please,” he practically wailed as Steve pushed and the thickest part of the knot was stretching his hole.

“Please, what, Eds?” Steve asked knowingly, meanly even, and Eddie let out another one of his hysterical giggles.

“Give it to me, give me the knot, want it so bad, wanna feel it inside me, want you to fucking breed me, please—” Eddie was cut off with a choked grunt as Steve pushed the rest of the way in, the knot sliding in and nestling just so against Eddie’s prostate.

Steve pulled back a bit and the way the knot pulled on Eddie’s hole had him seeing stars. With a chuckle, Steve shook his hips side to side and seemed greatly amused at the way Eddie was forced to follow the motion.

“Touch yourself, Eds,” Steve ordered, and immediately Eddie had a hand underneath himself, stroking his cock in desperate, frantic motions. He had never needed to come this badly in his life.

Then Steve pressed his hips flush against Eddie’s ass, sliding the massive cock inside him deeper, and swiveling his hips in such a way that the knot was relentless pressure against Eddie’s prostate. Distantly, Eddie was aware that he was babbling nonsense, practically screaming it as his release came barreling closer.

“Here it comes, sweetheart,” Steve groaned, and that’s when Eddie felt the bloom of something warm and wet deep inside him.

And that did it.

Eddie didn’t even try to strangle the scream that exploded out of him as he came, shuddering violently as he clenched tightly around Steve’s girth while his release spilled over his hand and thighs and the towel underneath him.

With a dark chuckle, Steve pulled until the knot popped out and Eddie whimpered pitifully. Then he began to move again, as if he was about to fuck Eddie like he hadn’t just had the biggest orgasm of his life. The sound of Steve’s cock moving in and out of his bred hole was absolutely obscene, and Eddie could feel his own dick trying to get hard again.

“Can’t—” Eddie gasped, reaching back with his messy hand to stop Steve, and the other man immediately acquiesced.

“My turn, I think,” Steve agreed and suddenly Eddie was empty and Steve wasn’t touching him anymore, which was not what he wanted at all.

Then Steve rolled Eddie over onto his back and crawled up his body until he was straddling his face. If Steve was wet earlier when he was riding Eddie’s thigh, he was absolutely drenched now. Eddie thought back to earlier when he had imagined himself drowning in the wetness of Steve’s cunt, and Eddie wondered if the other man could literally read minds.

“C’mon Eds, put that mouth to good use,” Steve teased, grabbing Eddie’s hair and lowering himself to his lips.

Eddie immediately responded, lapping and sucking at Steve’s dick with purpose. Staring dazedly up the perfect, long line of Steve’s torso, Eddie happily watched him writhe and moan.

With a groan, Eddie lifted one hand to slip two fingers into Steve’s cunt curling them until Steve jolted with a sharp gasp.

“Oh, fuck,” Steve groaned, one hand twisting in Eddie’s hair as the other held onto the headboard.

Staring up at Steve through his lashes, Eddie squirmed as he felt Steve’s “load” start to trickle out of him, adding more to the mess of lube between his cheeks and on the bed. The sensation was uncomfortable, but it also served as an intimate reminder of what they did and that had Eddie’s cock trying to get hard again.

Before Eddie could think too much more about it, however, Steve’s grip in his hair became punishing and then he was coming, his cunt pulsing around Eddie’s fingers. Dutifully, Eddie worked him through it, continuing for as long as Steve would let him, which seemed to work just fine with Steve.

Steve finally lifted himself away from Eddie’s mouth after he came a third time on his tongue and fingers, his eyes shut as he collected himself. Eddie was in heaven, virtually floating where he laid on the bed staring up at the ceiling. Half of Eddie’s face was wet with Steve’s slick and the rest of his face was coated in sweat, his long, curly hair sticking to the dampness over his face.

Collapsing onto the bed next to Eddie, Steve laughed breathlessly. “That was fucking hot,” he said, grinning over at Eddie.

Eddie chuckled and nodded. “The hottest,” he agreed, already considering how soon they could meet up again for round two, or if he should just cut the crap and go on a proper date with the other man.

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Thank you so much for reading and please consider reblogging! Taglist! @patchworkgargoyle, @starryeyedjanai, @rugbertgoeshome, @ent-is-undecisive, @scarcrossdlvrs, @scoops-stevie, @matchingbatbites, @spectrum-spectre

[sayingyournames]

I LOVE you YWLM and all of your trans marauders fic but it does sort of rub me the wrong way that sirius bottoms in all of them. There’s nothing wrong with being a bottom it’s just disappointing that trans male characters are always defaulted to that. Trans men can top too and it sucks to keep seeing really incredible fics that fall into that stereotype.

i don’t even know where to start with this but like first of all, did you even read ywlm? bc it seems like you missed the part where they talked about switching and both of them were into it.

idk what to tell you - i’m a trans person. this is how i’ve chosen to write trans characters so far bc it’s a direct reflection of my own preferences and experience. it’s what feels affirming and comfortable for me right now, and maybe that’ll change and i’ll write a 50K fic where they switch every single time they fuck but i don’t have to, and just because i haven’t doesn’t mean i’m not supportive of it or into it.

something i can’t stand about this fandom is how many people just assume ill-intent of writers and artists. how y’all treat us like we’re supposed to just cater to every single person’s exact preferences like that isn’t an insane set of standards to shove onto people who do this for free and for fun.

do you have any idea how exhausting it is to get constant criticism for everything you do in a fandom space? it feels like i can’t post any work without someone popping in to tell me what’s wrong with it, or ask me to write them like this or whatever and like it’s not fun. this isn’t fun for me.

either write the kind of fic you want to see or go find it somewhere else because i promise you it exists, and instead of being fucking weird and rude in my ask box you could be talking to those writers and making friends who like the same stuff as you do. find your niche and hang out there and be happy instead of making me miserable xx

[royal-wren]

hi!! would you be open to sharing some of your experiences with worshipping the kharites? how have they impacted your life? i'm interested but there's so little information surrounding them. thank you so much :D

Ah hell yeah! I'll jump on any chance to talk about them!

I love the elder Kharites so much, sure I honor ALL of them but the first three are the ones directly in my life, and the third to have a statue on my altar. My main go-to with them is every art that has to do with writing, those that really eat up poetry and storytelling in all forms. They're givers of joy, grace, beauty, and eloquence, and the ones I lean on most for my own writing more than anyone else in company with two that they're in the retinue (staunch companions) of Hermes and Aphrodite. I feel like I might be the odd one out on my tendency to lean on them with H and A over the Mousai and Apollon, but it's just what feels most right for me. I can't dream of it being the latter when in my mind the five in question embody what grips and makes writing special while also being patrons of the arts.

To put it into perspective and why I went from honoring, to actively worshipping and now being their devotee and crediting them with every piece I make:

Bacchylides, Fragment 10 (trans. Campbell, Vol. Greek Lyric IV) (C5th B.C.) : "Truly the skilled man [poet or artisan] prospers in golden hope, whether he has won honour from the Kharites (Charites, Graces)."

Pindar, Nemean Ode 4. 6 ff (trans. Conway) (Greek lyric C5th B.C.) : "If that man with the Kharites' (Charites', Graces') favour haply bring forth the heart's deep mood to live upon the tongue."

Pindar, Olympian Ode 14. 1 ff (trans. Conway) (Greek lyric C5th B.C.) : "Whose haunts are by Kephissos' (Cephisus') river, you queens beloved of poets' song, ruling Orkhomenos (Orchomenus), that sunlit city and land of lovely steeds, watch and ward of the ancient Minyan race, hear now my prayer, you Kharites (Charites, Graces) three. For in your gift are all our mortal joys, and every sweet thing, be it wisdom, beauty, or glory, that makes rich the soul of man. Nor even can the immortal gods order at their behest the dance and festals, lacking the Kharites' aid"

From their theoi page: "The character and nature of the Charites are sufficiently expressed by the names they bear: they were conceived as the goddesses who gave festive joy and enhanced the enjoyments of life by refinement and gentleness. Gracefulness and beauty in social intercourse are therefore attributed to them. (Horat. Carm. iii. 21, 22; Pind. Ol. xiv. 7, &c.) They are mostly described as being in the service or attendance of other divinities, as real joy exists only in circles where the individual gives up his own self and makes it his main object to afford pleasure to others. The less beauty is ambitious to rule, the greater is its victory; and the less homage it demands, the more freely is it paid. These seen to be the ideas embodied in the Charites. They lend their grace and beauty to everything that delights and elevates gods and men. This notion was probably the cause of Charis being called the wife of Hephaestus, the divine artist. The most perfect works of art are thus called the works of the Charites, and the greatest artists are their favourites. The gentleness and gracefulness which they impart to man's ordinary pleasures are expressed by their moderating the exciting influence of wine (Hor. Carm. iii. 19. 15; Pind. Ol. xiii. 18), and by their accompanying Aphrodite and Eros. (Hom. Od. viii. 364, xviii. 194; Paus. vi. 24. § 5.) They also assist Hermes and Peitho to give grace to eloquence and persuasion (Hesiod. Op. 63), and wisdom itself receives its charms from them. Poetry, however, is the art which is especially favoured by them, whence they are called erasimolpoi or philêsimolpoi. For the same reason they are the friends of the Muses, with whom they live together in Olympus. (Hes. Theog. 64; Eurip. Herc. fur. 673; Theocrit. xvi. in fin.) Poets are inspired by the Muses, but the application of their songs to the embellishment of life and the festivals of the gods are the work of the Charites."

It certainly doesn't help that so many of the gods I focus on and are most important to my personal worship directly have them in their retinue or are their companions in the sense like the Mousai and the Horai where it's more an equal footing kind of thing versus what it's like with Hermes, Aphrodite, Apollon, Athene, Artemis, Dionysos, Hera, Hekate, and while it isn't noted anywhere, I can't see it in any other way than Hestia's inclusion as one of the trio leaders of festivities with Hermes and Dionysos and the Kharites embodying mirth, cheer/excitement, and festivities.

The best way to devote yourself to them and my go-to when I'm down and don't have the energy or focus and willpower to do much more is to do something for myself that will bring joy, comfort, and elation in their name. Hedonism and doing your hobbies go a long way with them.

Further reading:

The Graces in Ancient Greek Mythology

The Graces by Louis de Jaucourt

The three Graces, or the allegory of the gift published by Denis Vidal (also here if the other link dies)

Pausanias tries to visualize the three ‘Graces’ of Orkhomenos in Boeotia by Gregory Nagy

The Three Graces: Cosmic Harmony in Scève's Délie by Joan A. Buhlmann

The Three Graces: Composition and Meaning in a Roman Context by Jane Francis

[cryptidfuckery]

Hey so you don’t have to reply to this but I’ve been having a career crisis lately and considering other vocational paths. One of these careers just so happens to be hair. I was wondering if you could tell me what made you want to become a hairdresser?

Ohhh this might get long but

First things first my mom is a hairdresser. Me becoming one wasn't a case of "I'm going to take over my mom's business" because she's been a sole proprietor booth renter for probably over 30 years now. She doesn't run a salon with other people under her, it's just her and her clients. If I worked under her I would have just been taking money our of her pocket.

But my mom being a hairdresser definitely influenced me! Getting to watch her work and own her own business my whole life helped me understand exactly what to expect out of the industry, and what I would have to do to be successful.

But me actually deciding to become a hairdresser started with me being absolutely miserable in my third semester of college. I loved studying sociology, but school and I don't mix well. I also realized that while I loved what I was studying, I didn't have any real interest in the professions usually associated with what I was majoring in. (Didn't want to do any kind of counseling, hate math so no stats work, research was the most enticing but too close to how school works and I Know would have been Miserable ultimately)

So one day being absolutely miserable and stressed around finals I sat myself down and forced myself to think about what the next 5-10 years would look like. I realized that if I stayed in college it would be to finish, find a job in my degree, then eventually when I have the time and money again I'd go to cosmetology school. (At the time I thought I was going to be a makeup artist. Holy shit fuck that noise. Not for me.)

And it just kind of clicked for me. Why am I spending all this money on a degree i (while I loved) did not really want? Especially when I could finish cosmetology school in under a year with less money than 2 semesters of college would be? Especially since you can start making money directly out of cosmetology school and continuously build after that as you gain more clients.

My final advice is this. There is a hairdresser for everyone and there are clients for every hairdresser. Genuinely the best thing you can do is be yourself and the right people will find you. And then they'll give your their friends, who like you too because you're their kind of people. And you get to choose absolutely what the fuck ever you want to specialize in. You can do exclusively color. Exclusively cuts. You can choose what style of cutting and coloring you want to learn from and you can completely switch that in the middle of your career. You can exclusively do texture treatments (perms, keratins, etc) if you're okay with so many chemicals in your body and bad smells! You can specialize in rat haircuts, which I honestly might try to do. (I have not done one yet. Someone let me do a rat haircut on them. Please. Rat haircut.) You can do everything! Also don't forget barbering!! Whole different school with different subsets and specializations, but many many cosmetologists cross over into both as well! I plan on eventually also acquiring a barbering license so I can truly be a one stop trans chop shop (mainly so I can offer my trans girlies clean shaves between electrolysis/Lazer appointments (iirc one can and cannot. I cannot be fucked to check rn)

So. Yeah. I think trades are absolutely the way to go right now in this economy. We provide services that everybody wants or needs, from hair to plumbing to carpentry to welding to auto mechanics to nail techs. There will always be a broken toilet, an oil change, a haircut needed.

Watch out for pandemics though. Woof.