#i love my learning phases so much even though i know i'm going to forget most of it and even though i have to watch

[chronicowboy]

you know those periods where learning is suddenly the best thing in the world and everything becomes endlessly fascinating to you like you're a kid again, they're so fucking special and i'm learning to treasure them when they do come around once in a blue moon even though i'll likely forget everything i've learned within the month because of my memory issues but it's just like. suddenly when i watch a nature documentary, i forget my phone exists for an hour and i watch millions of butterflies gather on the trees of one specific forest in mexico with starry eyes and a slack jaw. and then afterwards i open up my notes app to note down the sheer size and longevity of sequoia trees or the way penguins can filter out their partner's call from hundreds and thousands of identical ones. and then i read a book about trees and tear up at the line "such partners are often so tightly connected at the roots that sometimes they even die together". and the world is good and so full of awe and we get to live in all this fucking fascination.

[noxtivagus]

i get distracted so easily but i promise i'll get more done ! eventually aaaa 🫶🏼

[pedroshotwifey]

Manners

Pairing: Jack "Whiskey" Daniels x fem!reader

Word Count: 8.4k

Tags/Warnings: No use of Y/N, Age gap, Slight authority/seniority kink (He's her boss), Slight Sir kink, Oral sex (f and m receiving), piv sex, probably more I'm forgetting about but oh well 🤷‍♀️

Summary: You make a small slip-up and Jack offers to help brush you up on your manners.

A/N: Hello lovely readers! Please keep in mind that even though I have written multiple works at this point, this one is the first one I ever published. As I begin to post some of my more recent fics, you should be able to see a difference in quality overall. I did, however, go back and make edits to this one so that it is better than it would have been if I had posted it in its original state. I hope you enjoy it, and please keep an eye out for the more recent fics I will be posting within the next week or so!

***

The sun is bright in your eyes as you attempt to blink them open for the first time this morning. You can feel the warm rays sneaking through the curtains to crawl over your blanketed form. The birds are singing a sweet song right outside your window, their song slowly stirring you awake. You sigh in contentment at the peaceful scene you woke up to.

It’s definitely one of those mornings where it will be impossible to drag yourself away from your cozy bed. Once you are able to pry your eyes open all the way, you sit up and pull the curtain back a little to admire the landscape of the small ranch you work on. 

Being able to wake up and come home to the beautiful view presented by the window beside your bed has quickly become one of your favorite things about this job. Part of your payment is living in the small one-bedroom house stationed on top of one of the few hills on the ranch. 

It's not much, but you love the cozy feeling the house gives off. It's absolutely perfect for you and you have made sure to let your boss know how appreciative you are of it. Within the six months that you have lived on the property, you have only talked to the boss a handful of times, and each time he asks you if you are still comfortable living in the cottage. 

Even though he told you that you can make any adjustments you want, he still likes to check that it is to your standard. You always tell him that you are perfectly content, and he always makes a point to remind you that you are welcome to move into one of the many rooms of his large ranch house if you ever change your mind. 

You have learned that Mr. Daniels is very generous. He seems to genuinely care about the well-being of his employees. Despite his array of offers though, you always choose to stay in the small cottage. You know that he worries about you being secluded, but in reality, you are still in view of the main house. You trust that if anything were to happen, he or another ranch hand would be there in an instant to assist you. 

It's true what you tell him; you are perfectly content with the small house, but you have to be honest with yourself. You know that you are turning him down for other reasons as well — annoying reasons that you wish would cease to exist.

About two months in, you made the realization that you are nursing a crush on your boss. By that time though, you had already settled in. You had figured—hoped—the attraction would be a phase. By now, you’ve realized it most certainly was not. In your defense, a few weeks after the realization, it seemed like the crush had passed, faded into nothing more than a tiny tug in your chest when you thought about him. That is until you had to meet up with him for a monthly check-in at least. 

You had scolded yourself and tried to ignore the bubbling feeling in your stomach as he talked to you in that syrupy southern drawl you have come to crave. You had a sinking suspicion that you didn't do a very good job of concealing the way you felt. The way the cowboy had smirked at you every now and again during the, in your opinion, much-too-long interaction suggested that he knew exactly what kind of thoughts you had brewing.

If you didn’t know any better, you would dare say that the asshole might enjoy making your face flush bright as a tomato. Sure, the man may be about twenty years your senior, but you can't deny the tension that has begun to build since then. 

He seems to have made a game of getting you flustered during meetings, and you have quickly accepted the challenge of keeping your cool as he does so. Unfortunately for you, he usually wins. 

You groan as you remember that you need to prepare yourself for the meeting taking place today. You sit up and let your feet dangle off the side of the bed as you stretch your arms into the air, attempting to ease your sore muscles. 

Letting your hands back down to rest on your lap, you glance at the clock. It reads 10:41. 

Shit

Suddenly awake, you jump out of bed and scramble over to your closet, frantically laying out a work outfit. You are supposed to be meeting Mr. Daniels at 11:00. You had set an alarm to wake you up at 9:30 so you would have time to eat breakfast and tidy up around the cottage before you had to leave. Of course, today would be the day the clock wouldn’t go off. 

It takes about five minutes to get to the main house from here, maybe two that if you run, but even then it would still be cutting it close. If there is anything you hate, it's making a bad impression, and being late is one of the best ways to do that. 

You know that Mr. Daniels probably won't mind, but you still don't want to be an inconvenience. You are the only female worker on the ranch, and even though Jack always lets you know how much he appreciates your hard work, you still want to stay on top of your responsibilities. You know deep down that you have nothing to prove, but some of the guys can be pretty rude with their unnecessarily sexist comments.

They just love to follow you around and breathe down your fucking neck. Their favorite antic has got to be making you feel like you aren’t capable of picking up bigger loads. “Can I get that for you, Princess?” they ask with stupid smirks, already knowing your answer. You have learned that the best way to deal with that is to give them a smile and kindly assure them that you got it. It’s no fun for them when you don’t feed into it, after all. 

Even so, Mr. Daniels is usually pretty quick about shutting “jokes'' about you down, but you can't help but feel like he might see some truth to them. He doesn’t of course - in fact, he constantly tells you that you are one of the best hands he has ever had working for him. 

You always soak up any praise he gives you, even though you feel like a giddy schoolgirl sometimes. You swear that man’s comments will ultimately be the death of you. 

You check the clock again as you finish tying your hair back and set your hat on your head. 

10:54. Perfect. 

After you brush your teeth, that should give you enough time to walk down to the house just in time for the meeting to start. 

***

Somehow, it ended up being 10:57 by the time you were walking out the door. As you step outside, you can see Mr. Daniels standing outside his house, glancing at his wrist. You furrow your brows as you realize that the rest of the ranch hands are nowhere to be seen. There's no way the meeting is just between the two of you, right? You couldn’t have missed a detail that detrimental… right?

Shaking your head, you start to sprint toward where your boss is standing. The guys will probably be there by the time you reach the house… hopefully. You’re not sure if you can handle Jack Daniels on your own today. It takes you about two and a half minutes for you to get to him, and—much to your chagrin—there’s not another worker in sight.

You inhale deeply as you approach him - you can already feel the butterflies in your stomach with every step you take. He looks exceptionally good today, donned in his signature black stetson. Once you are close, you plaster a smile on your face and pray silently that you made it on time. 

“Hello Mr. Daniels,” you say sweetly.

“Good morning sugar,” he says before flashing you a toothy grin. You try to ignore the names he has for you most of the time, though you secretly love the almost nonchalant affection behind them.

You feel your face flush and try to turn your head towards the ground in an attempt to hide it, but you know he saw when you notice his eyes narrow slightly out of the corner of your own. The look sends heat straight into your lower abdomen and you swallow as you look up to meet his gaze again.

“Did nobody else show up?” you ask him, trying to keep your composure.

He chuckles quietly at your question and you suddenly wish your ears would stop working. “No darlin’, I figured we could have a one-on-one meeting this time around—if that's ok with you of course?”

“Oh, um, yea of course, that's just fine Mr. Daniels.” Liar, your brain spits at you. 

***

Fortunately for your dignity, the meeting was pretty normal for the most part. Mr. Daniels asked you if you were still comfortable in your cottage, to which you—as always—replied that you love having your own place.

He told you of the tasks he wants you to perform throughout the next couple of weeks and of your expected schedule. He also pointedly reminded you to call him Jack, which you ignored and continued to refer to him in a formal fashion. You didn't need any more personal ties to this man.

After everything that needed to be said was conversed, you both said goodbye and began to part ways. 

You let out a deep breath, silently congratulating yourself for not slipping up as you turn your back to your boss. Maybe everything will be fine. 

“Oh, and honeybee?” You hear Mr. Daniels' question come from behind you and tense back up immediately. There was something about the way he said it, almost like it was coming through a smirk, that made your eyes grow wide.

You spin back around to find the cowboy standing in place with his back to you.

“Yes, Mr. Daniels?” Your voice comes out squeakier than you expect and you grimace at the sound.

“You were a minute late today, hon.”

Shit. You let your eyes flutter shut and attempt to gulp down your anxiety as he continues. Of course the bastard would point something like that out, he’s well aware of how big you are on that kind of thing.

“Now don’t worry, you ain’t in trouble, darlin’,” he says much too confidently for your liking, “but just so we can assure it won’t happen again, maybe you should swing by the house tonight so we can brush you up on your manners.”

Unable to speak, you stare at your boss’s now descending form with an open jaw. Did you hear that right? 

The asshole must know that you are still rooted to the spot he left you in because he cranes his neck to say “You’re free to go for now doll, i’ll see ya at 8:00,” he says before sending you a wink and turning back around. 

You quickly close your jaw and turn on your heel towards the barn. Your heart is racing much too quickly in your chest as you approach your first task of the day. 

***

Getting through the day was absolutely agonizing. You love your job and find most of the tasks you have to do decently easy, but the conversation from this morning has been running through your mind non-stop. 

Brush up on your manners...

You wanted to hate him for his blunt suggestion, but you realized about halfway through the day what he actually meant by it. At least, what you hope he actually meant by it. You have been pushing your excitement down all day and it has evidently been landing between your legs.

At this point, as you trek back to your house to freshen up, you can feel your core throb with every agonizing step. This man has had you on edge all day and you are frustrated to no end.

Brush up on your manners...

You'll show him. You'll show him just how sweet you can be… Or maybe you won't…

The thought of being defiant sends a wave of excitement over your entire body. What would he do then? Would he decide to punish you for your bad behavior?

You'll have to decide how you will act on the way to his house. You put on a wicked grin as you begin to rustle through your closet for some presentable clothes. What Jack didn’t realize is that he accidentally put the ball right into your court.

You almost can't believe this is actually happening. As you sit down to put some mascara and lipstick on, you pinch yourself to make sure this isn't all a dream. 

As you slip on your flowy sundress and boots, you are sure you will open your eyes any minute now. As you lock the door to your cottage, you expect to be waking up in your bed.

***

It really sinks in that what you are doing is real as you raise your fist to knock gently on your boss’s front door. Your nerves feel like they are on fire and you almost decide to turn around and forget all about it. Before you have the chance to change your mind, however, the door in front of you is being swung open to reveal the devilishly sexy grin hidden behind it.

“Hello again, sugar,” he says after you stand there for a second, “I was hoping you would take me up on my offer.”

You try to speak but find your voice caught in your throat, so you just nod and try to send him what you hope is a feasible smile. Without another word, he smiles back and moves to the side to gesture you into the house. 

Once inside, you decide to test your voice again. “Thank you for inviting me, Mr. Daniels,” you say as he shuts the door behind you, formal as ever. 

“Well of course honey,” he says in a tone much too cocky for your liking, “and look at you, already puttin’ those manners to use.” 

You flush a dark shade of crimson when you find yourself at a lack of words once again. Fortunately, Jack takes that as his cue again and moves in closer, backing you into the wall behind you. You don't stop him as he steps into your personal bubble and reaches a hand toward your face. 

He smirks as he feels you shudder when his large hand finds your cheek. You bite your lip to stop the sound that threatens to escape. His palm feels so warm against you, and you feel so tiny in comparison as you look up into his dark eyes. 

You see the mischievous twinkle in his eye as he grasps your chin more firmly to bring your face up to his just slightly. You sneak a quick glance at his plush lips that are now mere inches from your own. It would be so easy to just lean in a bit and-

“Now, sugar,” Mr. Daniels says, interrupting your thoughts, “for the purposes of tonight, you can call me sir. Understand?”

Your eyes widen slightly at his command and you try to nod your head as much as you can with his hand still gripping your chin. Yup, you were definitely right in your earlier assumption. Your knees feel weak, threatening to give out. The sensation distracts you for a moment and when you come back into focus you find Jack looking at you expectantly. 

“Let's try that again, doll,” he says as he digs his fingers into your chin ever so slightly. You swallow as you watch him tilt his chin up to look down at you. His mouth drops open into a thin smirk as he raises his eyebrows. You feel your legs buckle underneath you again and you would probably fall if not for his hand propping you up. 

“Understand?” he repeats, clearly wanting a verbal response. Likely wanting your consent so he can be sure you’re of with the way things are going. You would be damned if you weren’t.

“I-” you stop when he gives your chin a warning squeeze, it isn’t hard, but it’s enough to give you the hint

. 

“Yes sir,” you manage to get the words out. They were high-pitched and shaky, but you were surprised you were able to speak at all.

Your eyes close slowly as he lowers his head back down to plant a soft kiss on your forehead, rewarding you for catching on. 

“Good girl,” you shudder and bite back a moan at his gentle praise. 

Your eyes land on his lips as you open them again. You stare for a little longer than you probably should before you meet his gaze again. You can't help it, they just look so warm and inviting. You picture them enveloping your own.

When he sees you look away from his lips, he loosens his grip once more and leans in close enough to nudge his face next to yours, almost as if he were going to nibble your ear.

“Would if be okay if I kissed you, baby?” he asks, voice barely a whisper. A shiver racks through your spine at his words combined with the feeling of his lips brushing against the shell of your ear. 

You start to nod before you remember what he wants you to do. You want to scold yourself for giving in so easily, but you block that thought out as you feel him start to pull back. Your heart feels like it's going to beat out of your chest as you stare into his deep chocolate eyes. You hate him for making you say it, but you do it anyway.

“Yes sir,” your voice is just as quiet as his, if not more.

He closes the distance before you even realize you spoke the desperate words out loud. You close your eyes and slot your lips against his. It feels like absolute euphoria as you melt into the heated kiss. It's sloppy and uncoordinated, but automatically you decide it is the best kiss you’ve ever had. 

You moan as his tongue slips past your lips, giving you a taste of what you can only describe as Jack. His lips are the perfect combination of soft and chapped and you can't help but give in completely to him. If given the option, you would stand here and kiss this man until the day you die. 

You sigh as you feel his hand release your jaw and make its way down your body to rest on your hip. Shortly after, you feel his fingers run through your hair to grasp the base of your skull, pulling you deeper into the passionate kiss. Your own hands begin to cling onto his clothes, wanting to be as close as possible to him.

Suddenly, he pulls away, his palms stationed firmly on your hips and on teh back of your neck. You look into his eyes and you can see the hunger lingering in his stare. His pupils are blown with desire and you can feel the way they must mirror your own. 

“Let me taste you?” He asks you, desperation clear in his voice as he nearly begs.

You nod feverishly in your lust-drunken state, not entirely sure what he just asked. All you know is that with the admiration this man is looking at you with, you would be a fool to deny him anything he asked for. 

You can see the way he shifts, clearly wanting to get to whatever you had just consented to. He stops though, smirking as he seemingly remembers something. 

“Try again sugar,” he tells you. You immediately know what he wants.

“Y-yes sir,” you say quickly, not sure how the words came out that fast. As soon as you say it, Jack begins to move again. You sober quickly as you watch the fierce man in front of you sink to his knees, letting his large hands run down your sides as he does so. Once settled, he looks up into your wide eyes and wets his lips. His eyes look heavenly as he beams at you with adoration.

You snap back to reality and feel the blood rush up to your cheeks as you finally realize what he had asked you. Still drunk on his kiss, you had answered him before you gave yourself a chance to think about it.

“Want to see if you taste as sweet as I've imagined, darlin’.”

Before you get the chance to respond, he leans forward to press a kiss over your clothed mound. He darts his tongue out to flick your clit, somehow knowing exactly where it is.

You involuntarily buck your hips to his face as your hands fly to rest on his broad shoulders. It's a new sensation—a welcome one for sure—but new nonetheless. You aren’t inexperienced, but you haven’t had many lovers, and none of them had ever been generous enough to go down on you.

“Oh f-fuck!” The expletive flies from your mouth as he repeats the action. He pulls back and you watch him grin against your thigh before pressing a sof kiss to the fabric covering it. 

You feel your dress being bunched up in one of his fists, but he doesn't raise it yet. Figuring he probably wants your permission, you look down at him and give him a shaky nod.

When he sees the confirmation, he sends you another smirk that shoots straight down to your cunt. You bite your lip as you feel your dress rise up past your panties.

It's been a while since you had any sexual encounter, and you feel exposed until you see the pure lust in Jack's eyes; how could you ever feel uncomfortable under a gaze like that?

“Fuck darlin,” he says, eyeing your lacy black panties. “You put these on just for me?”

“Y-yes sir,” you say. He seems satisfied with your response as he extends the hand that's not holding your dress up to run a finger through the wet patch between your legs.

“Oh sugar, you been thinkin’ ‘bout me?” He asks you when he feels the wetness beginning to pool through the lace fabric.

“Yes sir,” you tell him truthfully. “All day.” You figure you have no shame left, might as well just tell it as it is. Though you are trying to sound confident, your voice sounds soft even in your ears.

You can tell by the way Jack's eyes glow when you admit your thoughts that he finds your nervousness arousing. 

“Alright sugar, I'll tell you what,” he says as his thumb absently traces circles on your thigh. “I think you have been such a good girl for me so far…” To your embarrassment, you whimper at his praise.

“I want you to use my real name when I have you screaming for me.”

When you don't say anything, he looks up to meet your flushed face. Your mouth is dropped open slightly at his casual suggestion and your face feels like it's on fire.

He gives you no more warning as he smirks and hooks your panties to the side before shoving a finger into your dripping hole in one swift motion. You squeeze your eyes shut and relish in the feeling of having something filling you up. You immediately want more, and you tell him as much.

He chuckles darkly at your desperation as he begins to pump his finger in and out at a painfully slow pace. 

“Remember your manners, doll,” he reminds you. You groan in frustration but comply with his request.

“Shit, please Jack, please give me more.” Your words sound rushed as they spill from your kiss-swollen lips. yup, all dignity out the window.

He approves your request by dipping another finger into your wet heat, but he does nothing about the speed in which he moves his hand. Despite the pace, you can feel the tension in your abdomen begin to build up embarrassingly quickly as he rubs against that spongy place you can never reach. 

One of your hands leaves his shoulder to tangle in his hair. You whimper at the friction you have been craving all day and try to grind down on his digits in an attempt to reach that sweet spot deep inside you again. 

You want to scream when he quickly extracts his fingers. 

“Now darlin’, you gotta be patient if you want me to reward you.” He sends you a flashy smirk as he teases your entrance with the pad of his middle finger, applying just enough pressure to make it seem like he’s going to breach you again, but he never does. You shiver at the feeling. Bastard.

“Yes sir, I'll be good,” you promise him eagerly. 

“Know you will be, such a good fuckin’ girl,” he mutters mostly to himself as his fingers split you open once again. He sets a faster pace this time, and you can feel the coil in your belly getting ready to snap. You feel his mouth envelope your throbbing clit through your panties and you let out a whiny moan. 

“I- fuck Jack, im close,” you breathe out in pure ecstasy. At your unworded request, he adds a third digit and begins to pump his fingers at a near-brutal pace. You can feel a sheen of sweat beginning to cover your body. Just a few strokes away now…

He takes his mouth away but continues his attack with his fingers. He tilts his head up to watch your teary-eyed expression, your mouth slightly agape. He chuckles quietly at how fast he was able to find the spots that make you squirm for him.

“Now doll, here's where we work on that timing,” he starts. You barely register what he says through your haze, but you get the gist of it and furrow your brows. When he sees your confusion, he fills you in. 

“You want to come, honey?” he asks you nonchalantly. 

“Oh, yes sir,” you squeak as you feel a tear run down your cheek; you’re so close, you don’t want him to deny you again. “Yes, yes, please let me come.” your eyes flutter closed from the pure pleasure he is bringing you with just his hand.

“Okay, sweetheart, that's what I thought.” you’re not sure if you like the playfulness in his tone. 

“I'm going to do a countdown for you,” he starts. “When I reach ‘one’, you can come.” Your eyes fly open faster than they had closed. 

“Jack,” you try not to sound whiny as you protest. “Jack, I-I don't know if I can—I don't know if I can do that!” The grin that spreads onto his face is absolutely wicked—he has you right where he wants you.

“Well hon, you're just gonna have to, ain’t ya?” he tells you. “I'll have no choice but to punish you if you come too soon or too late.” Your eyes grow wide but you can't deny the curiosity that breaches your mind at what his idea of “punishment” might be. 

“I believe you can do it darlin’,” he encourages you before you have the chance to protest. You know he would stop if you asked him, but that would be the only way out—and he would be stopping completely. You are so close, like Jack said—you can do this. 

You swallow and nod down at him, signaling your agreement. By now, he has slowed down his pace drastically, and you would do anything to have his fingers abusing your cunt again. 

“Okay, let's start then,” he says through his toothy grin. “I'm gonna to go from five.” Seeing you nod again, he brings his mouth back to work at your still-covered clit.

“Five.” You keen sharply as he mouths at your clit, prodding the bundle of nerves with his skilled tongue.

“Four.” you aren't sure if you are going to have enough control to make it to one. It feels almost painful knowing that you have to wait for permission. 

“Three.” “There you go hon, so close now.”

“Two.” your breathing picks up and you can't help but let the high pitched moans barrel out as you focus on holding your release. You want to beg for his permission, but you know your best bet is to wait it out. 

“One.”

Jack sucks hard on your clit as you scream his name. Your vision goes white and you suddenly feel like you’re floating. The intense orgasm seems to last forever, you’ve never felt anything so blissful in your life. 

“There you go sugar,” you hear Jack's giddy voice coming from a faraway place. “Scream my name as loud as you need to.”

Other than the shudders that wrack your body, you are barely aware of anything else around you. It feels like you are suspended in another dimension. You can feel your juices running down your thighs and hear Jack happily slurping them up, muttering gentle praise into your sex.

“Did so good for me honey bee,” he tells you, “Right on time’.”

It seems like an hour has passed by the time you are finally able to open your eyes and look down at the man on his knees before you. It takes you a second to notice, but once your vision comes back all the way, you can see droplets of wetness make their way down Jack's face to drip off of his nose and chin. 

Holy Shit…

Your eyes widen in time with your jaw as you begin to piece together what happened. You keep your gaze on Jack while you figure it out. He looks almost as blissed out as you do with his hooded eyes and his mustache covered in your slick.

“Oh my god Jack,” you say, feeling your face turn red. “I didn't…”

The smirk on his face widens and he opens his mouth to shove his fingers inside. He closes his mouth as he suckles on them and then pulls the digits out with a wet pop. 

“Oh yes you did honey,” he says after he opens his eyes to meet yours. “And you taste just as divine as you looked while you squirted all over my hand.”

“Now let Jack finish cleanin’ you up sugar.” With that, he dips his head back down to lap at your sensitive folds. You buck your hips when you feel him graze your over-sensitive clit,

“Let's get these the rest of the way off, sweet thing,” he chuckles darkly as he slides his finger back and forth across the band of your ruined panties.

Not knowing what to say, you nod and step back for him. You start to bend down to take your shoes off before you slide your panties down, but you’re stopped as you feel him lightly tap the outside of your thigh.

Meeting your curious expression, he shakes his head slightly and shifts to one knee before tapping the one he had popped up, gesturing for you to place your foot there.

You want to swoon over him for how much of a gentleman he can be even though he was just knuckle-deep in your cunt. You shoot him a bashful smile as you comply with his silent request and gently place your foot on his raised leg.

He returns the smile before sliding your shoe off and caresses your calf while he sets it off to the side. He motions for you to switch legs and you watch as he repeats the motion with that one as well. 

Once you have both feet planted back on the ground, Jack reaches up to hook his fingers into the sides of your waistband. He slowly slides the now soaked garment down your bare legs, being careful not to leave any residue on your skin.

Once they are discarded next to your shoes, he stands back up to his full height. He gently slides both of his hands onto your face and brings you in to lock you in a bruising kiss. 

“What do you say, doll?” He asks you once he pulls back. You smile at him, proud of yourself for knowing exactly what he wants.

“Thank you, sir,” you tell him bashfully. He beams at your quick learning and moves one of his hands to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. “My pleasure, honey.”

It's your turn to smirk up at him as you begin to descend onto your knees. He looks down at you with a look somewhere between amusement and confusion as you settle into a comfortable position. 

“Aw sugar,” he tells you, running his fingers through your hair. “You don't have to do that.”

You put up at him in a mocking manner and stop your hands halfway to his belt buckle. “Please sir, I want to,” you tell him. You watch as his brows narrow slightly and his eyes grow darker.

“What exactly do you want, honey bee?” he asks you, though the bastard knows exactly what you mean. You decide to play along with his game anyway.

“I want to make you feel good, sir,” you say, looking up at him through your thick eyelashes. “Will you let me?” 

He continues smoothing your hair down as he slowly nods at you, giving you permission. You hear his breath catch in his throat as your hands find his buckle. 

You bite your lip as you anxiously fumble with the heavy thing. Once unclasped, you unzip his pants and tug them down just enough to see the large bulge in his boxers. He smirks as he notices your eyes widen at the size of it.

“You can do it, honey,” he rests his free hand back on your cheek as he assures you. You lean into his touch and gently take his thumb into your mouth, suckling lightly. His skin tastes heavenly and you hum in anticipation of how good his cock must be.

Maintaining eye contact, you reach out and give him a small squeeze through his boxers. He groans at the touch and you smirk as you reach into his waistband and tug his hardened dick out. 

You give him a couple of jerks and watch the way his face twists with pleasure before you look down. He chuckles when he hears you gasp as your gaze trails downwards.

Holy shit.

He's fucking huge. Sure he's got length, but his girth is what has your eyes growing wide. You swallow as you look back into his eyes. 

“Like what you see?” He asks, amusement clear in his voice. You roll your eyes as you give him another short tug. You let your thumb run over his tip, spreading precum over the head. 

You smirk as he shudders above you. You lean forward to dart your tongue out over his slit, tasting the saltiness of it. He lets out a strained groan at the contact. “Like what you feel?” You ask him innocently. You look up to meet his now blazing stare.

“Now doll,” he pauses as he rubs your cheek. “That's one dangerous game you just started,” he says slowly. You swallow at his menacing tone.

“And I hope you are prepared to play it.”

With that, he grasps your chin, making your mouth fall open as he brings your face toward his heavy cock. He watches your expression to make sure you don't want to stop before he guides his stiff length into your mouth.

He wastes no time as he shoves himself all the way down your throat, not giving you the chance to take him slowly. Your nose nuzzles into the dark curls at the base of his cock as you try not to choke. 

He doesn't move yet, allowing you to get used to the feeling. You try not to gag as you feel tears prick the corners of your eyes. You close them, letting the liquid stream down your cheeks as you swallow, trying to adjust yourself.

“Ah fu-“ Jack stutters as he feels your throat convulse around his length. “There you go s-sugar, just like that.”

You bathe in the way the blissed-out way Jack's eyelids start to droop and his mouth falls open the tiniest bit as you start to move your head back and forth. A strangled groan spills from his lips when you move back and circle your tongue around his tip before sliding back down to the base.

You feel him set his hand on your head, not pushing or pulling you in any way, just resting it there. There's a glint in your eyes as you look up at him and put your hand on top of his, pushing lightly.

Jack's eyes widen as he realizes what you are insinuating, but you can see the desire behind his expression. 

“Shit- I-“ he fumbles over his words, "you sure sweetheart? I ain’t gonna be gentle.” You nod up at him as much as you can and push his hand in encouragement again.

“Alright darlin’,” he stares down at you with adoration, “tap my thigh if you need me to slow down.”

You can tell he has been trying to hold himself back, and you feel your wetness start to drip down your thighs as his face relaxes. He takes over your movements as he presses on the back of your head experimentally.

You give him complete control and submit to his request, putting your tongue out flat as he pushes you down his thick length. You moan out in pleasure at the thought of him having complete control and his cock twitches at the sound.

His actions start slow, but gradually build up as he begins to chase his high. He whispers praise to you in between moans as he fucks your mouth.

As you watch him, you think that the expression he makes when he is consumed with pleasure might be the best thing you have ever seen—better than the view from your cottage window. You hum around him, sending vibrations through his whole body.

“Oh, fuck!” You can feel yourself growing wetter the more Jack struggles to keep his composure. “S-Shit sugar, I'm gonna need t’ stop if you want me to be able to take care of you right.”

You whimper at the thought of his cock slamming in and out of your pussy and you feel more slick dripping down your legs. You squeeze your thighs shut, trying to get some friction to relieve the ache on your throbbing clit.

Knowing he's close, Jack pulls you off of him with a growl. He grins as he hears you whine at the loss. 

“Now darlin’,” he starts. “There will be plenty of chances to do that again, for now though,” you watch as his eyes somehow grow darker still. “I want to feel that tight cunt around my cock.”

You can't stop the moan that escapes from your lips upon hearing his dirty words. You must be dripping onto the floor at this point, but you don't care. All you care about right now is Jack staying true to his word.

Hearing your desperate moan ignites something feral in him, and before you even realize what he was doing, you are slung over his shoulder, ass in the air, as he strides into his bedroom.

He flings you on the bed as soon as he enters the threshold and immediately goes to work pulling off his boots. You sit there stunned as he starts fumbling with the buttons on his shirt, exposing more of his perfectly tanned skin.

He glances up at you through his haze to see your shocked expression, and you watch as a lopsided smirk overtakes his features.

“You gonna strip or what, honey?” He asks you in a teasing tone as he continues undressing.

You roll your eyes and grin as you feel your blood rushing to your cheeks. As he looks back down to concentrate on the last few buttons on his shirt and you take that as a cue to tug your dress off. 

Left in only your bra, you take that off too as Jack is tugging off his pants. Donned in only his boxers, he looks back at you and you watch his eyes rake over your naked form. 

His smile falters and you think for a second that you did something wrong. 

“You are so damn beautiful darlin’,” he says, easing your worried thoughts. You smile 

sheepishly as he starts to walk towards the bed.

He leans over the side, wedging one of his knees between your own as he leaves a trail of delicate kisses up the column of your throat. You tilt your head up to allow his access and shiver as he brushes along your pulse point.

“Jack,” you say in a whiny tone, not really sure what you're asking him for. He seems to know better than you do though, because he lifts his lips up to yours as he slides a hand down between your bodies. 

You moan into his mouth as he uses two fingers to lightly circle your clit. The kiss turns sloppy and you bring your arms up to circle around his neck, pulling him in closer.

He moves the fingers from your clit to tease at your sopping cunt. He slides them in one at a time and you keen underneath him, making his cock twitch in his boxers. His erection is almost painful now, but he wants to get you ready for him before he gives in to his urges.

You feel yourself climbing closer to the edge as Jack adds a third finger and begins to work at your swollen bud with his thumb. He can feel you writhing below him and he smiles into your mouth, proud of the way your body reacts to his touch.

“Jack, im gonna-“  You don’t get to finish the warning as you feel him flick his thumb over your clit, pushing you over the edge. Your whole body shakes with pleasure as you mewl into Jack's lips. 

Your eyes roll back and you feel yourself clench around Jack's fingers, causing a guttural groan to escape from him. He pumps his fingers in and out, easing you through your high.

As you still, you lay your head down fully on the mattress and look into Jack's eyes. You feel like a schoolgirl as you smile lopsidedly at him, giving you an eager grin in return. 

“You ready, darlin’?” he asks. You take a deep breath and nod at him. He leans down to plant small kisses on your forehead and on the tip of your nose as he pushes himself off of the bed to shed his boxers. 

You scootch back a little, giving him more room as he climbs back up. Your stomach flips as you look into his eyes, feeling one of his hands come up to rest next to your head. 

He dips down for another kiss and you feel the head of his cock find its way to your entrance. You suck in a breath as he begins to slowly push himself into your dripping heat. 

“Oh- fuck baby girl,” he groans as he pushes deeper. You feel the hand near your head clench the sheets beside you as he sheaths himself to the hilt. His size takes your breath away and you are grateful when he pauses to let you adjust.

The stretch pinches, making you scrunch your eyes shut. When you open them again, you find Jack looking at you, concern written on his face. 

He furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head, silently asking if you are okay to continue. You know that he would stop in a heartbeat if you wanted to, and the thought immediately makes you more comfortable. 

It warms your heart to think about how much of a gentleman Jack really is underneath that tough exterior, and how lucky you are to be able to experience this side of him.

“Start moving,” you tell him after the pain begins to dull. You watch his features relax as he pulls back out halfway before gliding back in. You appreciate how gentle he's being, at least until you can get used to the feeling of being stuffed so full.

“Your wish is my command, sweet pea,” he tells you, sending you a wink. The pain from earlier quickly turns to pleasure as Jack continues his gentle movements. You moan loudly as he hits something devastating inside you, spurring him on.

“Ah- fuck, Jack!” You scream his name as he begins to speed his movements up. You can feel every vein and ridge sliding on the walls of your soaked cunt. Already, tension begins building in your belly as he starts to ruthlessly pump his cock in and out of you.

The room is filled with both of your moans combined with the lewd squelching noises coming from where your bodies connect. It sounds like pure ecstasy. You can hear Jack's breath growing heavier with each thrust.

You decide as he lets out a whine that there is nothing sweeter than the sounds Jack Daniels makes when he's buried deep inside of you. His noises fuel you and you can hear your moans growing breathier as he pulls you closer to the edge.

You watch a bead of sweat slip down the side of Jack's forehead as he draws back until only the head of his cock is breaking you open. Before you get the chance to figure out what he's doing, he slams himself back into you.

You try to scream but find that all the breath had been knocked out of you with the force of his thrust. Tears of pleasure brim your eyes as he repeats his action, faster this time. 

Your arms slip under his own and you claw at his back as you get closer to release. You let out a moan as Jack grabs your thigh and throws one of your legs over his waist, allowing him to hit depths you didn't even think possible.

“Such a -fuck- such a sweet damn pussy d-darlin’,” Jack praises. You almost come right then and there.

“S-so good, Jack,” you say through a whimper as he continues his brutal pace. “Fuck!” You scream when he slams into a sweet spot. 

“M’ gon- gonna come, Jack,'' you tell him. He smirks and snakes a hand between your bodies to rub at your clit. There's no way you're going to last between the new position and the assult on your sensitive bud.

“Go ahead darlin’,” He tells you as he lowers his head to slot his lips between your own, locking you into a messy kiss. “Let go for me.” 

That's all it takes for you to fall apart underneath him. Your eyes roll back and you feel your legs turn to jello as you come on Jack's cock. He continues to whisper sweet praise into your ear as he works you through your climax.

You feel his movements grow sloppy and uncoordinated as you come down from your high. 

“S-Shit, honey,” Jack gasps, “not gonna last.”

He gives about another half dozen thrusts before he's asking you “Where?”.

You don't answer him, and instead lift your other leg to wrap around his waist, bringing him into you. You whimper at the thought of filling you up and it pushes him over the edge. He stills and you feel the gush of warm seed spread throughout your cunt. 

The moan he lets out is absolutely feral as he releases inside of you, making your toes curl. You squeeze around him, milking rope after rope of cum from his cock. You stare into each other’s eyes as you bring your arms up around his neck to pull him down to you again. 

You bring your lips against his, closing your eyes as you both share the gentlest and most intimate kiss of the night. He lowers his body to lay on top of yours, being careful not to put all of his weight on you as he pulls away from the kiss to position his head next to your ear. 

“Fuckin’ perfect darlin’,” he says gently. “Thank you.” 

You smile at the ceiling as you wrap your arms tight around him, holding him close. You both lay there for a few minutes as your bodies begin to relax, you slotting your fingers through his hair, and him whispering sweet praises into your ear. 

He leans up to brush his lips against yours one more time before grunting and pulling out of you. You grimace first at the loss and then at the feeling of your combined release leaking out of your worn cunt. Your attention is dragged away from the feeling when you hear Jack flick the bathroom light on. 

He is only gone for a second before he returns with a warm cloth, using it to swipe along your folds, cleaning you up. You wince as the fabric runs along your sensitive clit. “Sorry, darlin’,” he chuckles a quiet apology. You squint at him but when you make eye contact you can't help but giggle too. 

Smiling, Jack gets back up to dispose of the cloth before he comes back to bed and lays down beside you, pulling you into him so you can set one of your legs over his and place your head on his chest. You hum in delight as he starts to pepper feather light kisses into your hair. 

“Not so bad for an old man,” you tease him. You feel him smile against your hair as he breathes in your sweet scent.

“Hey now,” he says in the same teasing tone, “it's starting to sound like you didn't learn anything from your lesson.”

You laugh as you roll yourself over to straddle his hips. 

“Well,” you say as you look into his hooded eyes, “I've always said I learn my lessons better the second time around.” He smirks at you and grabs your hips, bearing you down to his already half-hard cock and you whimper quietly. 

“That can be arranged, sugar,” he tells you as he scoots back against the headboard. “This time we’ll see how well you can follow instructions.”

[writeandsurvive]

Well, @mandy426, you asked for it, so here you go. Hope you'll enjoy it! 🫣 Inspired by the picture below (because how could we not?)

Summary: Alden comes home one night in his undercover outfit

Warnings: nsfw, established relationship, wall sex, piv, unprotected sex, undercover!Alden, biker!Alden, kinky reader ig?,

Undercover ~ Alden Parker

Alden was very clear from the beginning; his job takes a lot but doesn't give much. You were okay with that as you'd have dealt with whatever, just to be with this man. You did underestimate how bad it could be though. The long hours, the physical and emotional exhaustion he deals with, the missions away from home, and more. There were definitely hard times, where you wish Alden had a boring 9 to 5 job, but you immediately felt guilty thinking this. He obviously loves being a federal agent, and you do admire him for it.

The worst was kissing him goodbye in the morning and not knowing if you'd see him again. But there's nothing you wouldn't do for this man, so you learned to deal with this fear and anxiety and make the best of the time you have with him.

Eventually, something new came up; Alden was going undercover. He didn't say much about it, just that he probably won't be home much, and if somehow you run into each other in town, pretend that you don't know him, unless he comes over to you. Honestly, you hoped this wouldn't happen.

He's been undercover for two weeks and you had barely seen or heard of him. It was hard, but luckily, his best friends Tobias and Jeremy have been giving you updates on Alden, they kept checking on you, spending evenings with you. Plus, you have a supportive family who's always there for you.

When you heard the sound of keys opening the door, you actually got scared for a second, forgetting that your partner had the keys and could come home whenever he could. You stood up from the couch to meet him at the door, but you stopped as soon as your eyes laid on him. It didn't look like your Alden at all.

"Honey, hey!" He rushed over to you and hugged you tight. "I can't stay long, but I'm missing you so bad."

You hugged him back, still quite puzzled. Your nose was buried in a leather jacket you've never seen before. Alden let go just enough to kiss you. "Are you alright?" He asked, stroking your cheeks and looking at you from head to toes. "Baby?"

"Are you undercover as a biker or a hipster?" You looked more at the leather jacket, the black hoodie under, the beanie on his head, the full beard - he only had the mustache since you met - the boots. You've never seen Alden dressed like this before, and you never imagined he would. But damn, did he look even hotter.

"Oh, yeah, um. Biker, actually. I know it doesn't look like me."

"Are you riding a bike?"

"Isn't what bikers do?" He chuckled. "Plus, I had my biker phase in my early twenties, so I'm not entirely new to this."

"Y-you did? How come you never told me? Or shown me pictures?" You exclaimed, sounding like you were upset.

He laughed a bit more, "I don't know, it never came up. My fam hated it."

"I don't care about your family! I wanted to know!"

Alden got closer to you again, putting a strand of hair behind your hair and softly brushing your skin that was turning pink. "Is this look turning you on, baby?" He whispered in a husky voice. He was smirking, clearly aware of the effect this was having on you. You were blushing even more and you swallowed thickly.

"Maybe." You whispered back.

Then he grinned as his hands traveled south, roaming over your breasts. He leaned over, pressing his forehead against yours. "Not necessarily what I had in mind, as I just needed to see you, but I'd be damned to deny you."

You were the one who reached for the heated kiss. His beard was probably hurting your skin but you couldn't care less. You stroked it before enjoying feeling the leather under your fingers. Alden made you walk backwards until you were pinned against the wall. His lips and tongue found that sweet spot in your neck, earning a loud moan from you. You wrapped a leg around him, his hands traveling under your - his - shirt to find you braless. He growled and played with your tits, still ravaging your neck, jaw and lips.

"Alden, I need you." You whimpered, rubbing yourself against the bulge in his jeans.

"I suppose I should keep the clothes on?" He chuckled, freeing his cock and giving it a few pumps.

"You better."

Alden got rid of your night shorts, and took advantage of dropping on his knees to kiss your intimate parts and gave a few licks on your clit. His beanie flew to the ground as you held onto his hair. The beard was giving more sensation than just the mustache.

"You taste so delicious." He got back to his feet, and held one of your legs up. "Ready for me, babygirl?"

"Yes, always! Fuck me, please!"

He didn't need to be asked twice and found the perfect angle to slip his length inside you. Both crying out, like you hadn't had sex in months. Alden gave you time to adjust before pumping in and out of you. "Fuck baby, you're taking me so good."

It wasn't romantic nor sweet, but rather rough and animalistic. You were trapped between his strong body and the wall, and loved every second of it. It wasn't long until you were cumming, shouting his name over and over again, holding onto his hair and the leather jacket. It was all he needed to cum deep inside you.

Feeling that his legs were pretty weak, Alden gently put you down and you felt his cum going down your inner thighs. "I need to sit," he said, taking the jacket off. You needed to sit too and luckily the couch wasn't far away. You grabbed your shorts and put them back on, not caring about the mess on you. "I'm an old man, you can't do this to me." He laughed, still trying to catch his breath.

"You can't do this to me!" You exclaimed, straddling his lap. "I hope there are no women around you."

"Don't worry about that." He reached for a meaningful kiss. "You're the only woman for me."

[the-dumpster-fire-of-life]

Hii I was wondering if you could do some bill x s/o with adhd? No pressure!! Love all your works xx

(Hello! So sorry for the wait and I tried my best to do research for ADHD bc I don't have it, as far as I'm concerned, but ty for requesting and enjoy!)

Bill Kaulitz x ADHD!Reader

He can be a bit surprised on how hyper you can get

Or how you can do so many things at once

He tries to keep your attention on him so much but boy is struggling a bit

He loves you though

He has to hold your hand wherever y'all go as to not lose you

He knows you can be a bit impulsive

But so can he!

You both practically are the same person, he just watches over you more than him!

He helps you if you ever feel bad about your ADHD

He knows you can't control it and will never let you feel bad or guilty about it

He'll take it if it means you come along with it

He once got annoyed with you before he knew about your ADHD and felt like shit when you told him

He was actually interested in learning about it when you opened up to him about it

He asked the questions he needed, got up and shrugged it off

It didn't phase him, he cared about you and in no way was it a deal breaker

You often forget things and he's like a mom friend with it

"Do you have (blank)? What about- okay, I have one for you."

He always has whatever you lost no matter what somehow

Even if you forget things

It can be a little frustrating at times if you forget stuff a lot

But dw, he will remind you or write it on your hand or arm to help you remember

If you have a hard time listening, and can't really focus on stuff he will do his best

Like to help you refocus or give you breaks to do what you want before going back to what's at hand

Let's you do practically want you want but responsibility

You're a bit impulsive and can be random, so he's like a running mother after a run away at times but it's okay

He makes Tom, Gustav and Georg understand about how your brain works and to not be upset if you lose or forget something

He'll kill them if they do, even if he understands

If you make little mistakes and get sad or get worried, he'll do his best to help you relax

It's just a tiny mistake, no worries

Hell help you fix it as fast as you can

He has to tug you back into life a few times because your mind wanders

You keep him up and running though

[abcwordsurge]

so! I just finished with the 1st draft of my Houston / Miami / New Orleans story that I'm writing for @kaz-playz (yes I'm still working on it, even after all these months, it's long and I'm slow, sorry, but I promise I'll get it to you someday)

I usually only edit my stories before posting, but I want nothing but the best for Kaz, so I'll probably do a full rewrite of this one. in the meantime, allow me to share with you some hcs for the trio that I stumbled across while writing the first draft

Miami:

I've already talked about this, but just to establish a baseline, I hc Miami as pan, and using they/she pronouns

they're the biggest flirt ever, of course

they're light sensitive, and I think I've said this before, but just in case those in the back missed it: she wears her sunglasses (a gift from New Orleans) almost everywhere, and can't stand fluorescent lighting

they love the beach and cruises of course (cruise capital of the world, you know)

naturally quite pale, but you wouldn't know it- they're always tanned from so much time in the sun because she forgets sunscreen way too often :( (unless Nora and/or Houston are there to remind her)

she likes to go diving to explore the shipwrecks (but can't convince Nora to go with her)

shockingly, they're a Shakespeare fan. this isn't based on anything except, uh, plot convenience, and I like Shakespeare, so shut up /lh. (also she's a huge believer in "Shakespeare should be watched, not read")

Nora (New Orleans):

she/her, bi

literally the most gorgeous girl you will ever meet

not very flirty, but very kind, and there is often confusion regarding whether she's flirting or just, y'know, being a decent person

notably, has a realistic impression of how serious problems are (Miami has a tendency to be too mellow and not realize that something is a problem, while Houston is prone to dramatics- but not Nora, Nora's ~reasonable~)

not opposed to breaking the rules, and doesn't seem to respect authority figures very much (they're just people, after all, who are they to order her around?)

plays clarinet at a low-key jazz club, and is quite proud of it

very good at poker (Las Vegas is her frenemy)

she practices Vodouism (which, admittedly, I don't know too much about, so I'm hesitant to write a lot about it- I don't want to accidentally resort to stereotypes, y'know?- but it stands to reason that she would)

and finally, the star of the show, our girl!

Houston:

she/her, raging lesbian

very prideful and stubborn, and a lot of people find her attitude "disagreeable," but her confidence and passion is actually quite endearing

gets bored easily, especially during meetings, and starts drama for fun

she thinks she's socially awkward because she has a hard time figuring out what people want from her, but most people don't notice when she feels awkward

also has sensory issues, though she mostly combats hers with being very particular about the clothes she wears, and avoiding crowds

had a bit of a sheltered childhood (cough Texas cough) but part of her rebellious phase was learning more about other cultures and people with different experiences from hers

she's found her place in the LGBTQ+ community (as the L) and likes to throw it in Texas's face during arguments (even though he has technically "accepted" her, he isn't exactly thrilled about it, and she knows it)

admittedly, she doesn't know much about polyamorous relationships (at least, at the start of my story *wink wink*)

so that's what I've got for now. to hold y'all over till I finish up the real story. have a good day :3

[asherlockstudy]

just a new fan of rhett and link coming through😄… i want you to know that i've become obsessed with reading you'r posts about them.. btw i think you can't watch and know their story and NOT ship them.. i'm sorry, i mean LOOK at them. every thing they've gone through together, all the changes.. but the only constant is them, together every step of the way….i just- agghhhhh it drives me crazy.

But anyway i was reading one of you'r posts where you said something about their cutest phase being arond 2013- 2014. you also talked about it with an anon a couple of days ago, so i had to share my thoghts on that. and i completely agree, going back and watching that period you can really see it. rhett was being so cute and giggly, all the time about anything link would say, and he could BERELY take his EYES off of link.. and the eye contact was wild… I just.. i love it so much😳 But do you think that same feelings is as strong today? I wonder.. some times i feel like now when they would get a bit.. intimate it's a bit… performative…idk i might be wrong.. i just loved the stoling glanses, soaked with love, that i feel like there were so many of them back then.. but please till me if you think i'm just reading the whole situation wrong😌..

Hello! I am glad you have been enjoying the posts!

I don't think you read the situation wrongly, in fact I believe you are totally correct. There are several potential reasons for this change however and I find perhaps all of them reasonable and normal.

Like I wrote in that post you mentioned, according to the theory 🤷🏻‍♀️ their affair must have started some time in 2014 or early 2015 at most. Their situation back then was critically different than it is now:

The time they really started being romantic was also the time they started getting shipped. Incidentally. Or maybe not. However they were still very new at this game at the time, both how to handle their audience and how to behave with each other under their new status were completely new tasks. They didn't have a good understanding of how they appeared to their viewers and they were completely oblivious to how obvious they were. This is why they were more candid in the past. Now they are painfully aware, especially Rhett, so much so that they even maximise various interactions in their minds. It was a lesson slowly learned and still not perfected - have you seen their constant look of horror every time they watch back episode favourites with Rhink moments every christmas?

Then it's also the natural flow of time. Back then everything was new to them. Their decades long friendship was becoming something new, something even more intense. They were exploring their sexualities anew in ways they were once determined not to, in ways that until then they considered sinful and damning. At the time there wasn't any thought of getting open about it (even now this is a challenge). All this was very fresh and even though Link seems to believe that they started hopelessly late, let's not forget that at the time they were still young men at their mid thirties and given all the emotional, circumstantial and physical parameters the excitement and passion they felt must have been on the extremes. They once had a moment between them on GMM when Rhett said "You know how early in the relationship you behave like rabbits?" and Link agreed with a knowing look. This is also supported by their scripted videos; Link says in Digging A Hole that the reason they failed so bad at making a medium sized hole was that they succeeded so much at digging that they made a huge one instead. In short, these years and the ones to come up to 2019-2020 they were at their sex crazed phase, which is typical of most couples at first, let alone them who are way beyond your average couple in love.

If you notice, they are indeed sweet and soft in late 2013 till early 2016 and then from 2016 to 2021 they are straight out horny. I mean, they are always both but at first sweetness was more overpowering and then it was the horniness. This is also explained in their lore as their sexual affair went through a lot of trial and error, so you can see when sex started getting awesome and also when they finally could start setting aside their inhibitions, guilt (especially Link) and religious concerns and enjoy more unapologetically each other.

From 2020-2021 onwards, since the purchase of the creative house, I believe we have entered a new era, more mature, more contained. Things change; they are in their mid forties now, they have been together for quite a bit and also they have decided to come out, which casts the shadow of fear and severe anxiety in their relationship. Furthermore, they are not exactly on the same page (Rhett wouldn't mind not ever coming out had it not been for Link) and this wears them down and their interactions. All the fear of the future and the unknown must consume a considerable amount of their private time together. Age, getting used to each other and critical challenges are what makes them appear less lovestruck than they used to. They still do though, much more than your average 45 year old in a relationship does. I mean, it was only a year ago when Link sexily said he would FIGURATIVELY feed Rhett with words for a word game and Rhett stupidly opened his mouth to actually swallow the plastic piece with the word that Link was holding, like the proper solitary horny braincell that he is. It's just that such unbelievable levels of thoughtless horniness and love have become more sparse now that they have aged a bit and have a better understanding of how they are perceived publically. But I am happily firm in my belief that they remain extraordinarily ridiculous.

On the other hand, sometimes when they do something gay, it indeed is performative at this point. Maybe even most of the times. This is because of what they are planning to do, this has killed the spontaneity between them a great deal. Now it's more likely that they will consciously throw hints here and there than that they will slip badly due to their excessive romantic enthusiasm.

[islaytonlost]

This is based on this post by @mystery-room not the fanfiction it links to because I could not get google translate to translate it on my laptop but if you can read it I reccomend giving it a go, it looks interesting.

Here's my take on it, I hope you enjoy.

--------------------------------------

He’d woken up slowly, what the doctors had called a minimally conscious state, he’d been able to open his eyes for short periods of time and move his fingers. Alfendi didn’t remember this. He didn’t remember what Hilda had said to him while he was unconscious. He couldn’t remember his sister’s visits; he could only see the flowers that proved them. Some had been brought, some picked.

When Katrielle was a child she’d picked flowers out of people’s gardens, not understanding why it was bad, no matter how many times anyone explained it to her. He remembered her doctor phase, learning everything and anything she could about it and being delighted to hear that Florence Nightingale had recommended flowers. Katrielle had loved the idea and demanded flowers every time she got sick.

He regretted now not being for her last time that had happened. He’d been so busy on the case with Justin and Hilda he hadn’t found the time.

He should have.

Hilda had been there when he woke up, properly, when he’d sat up gasping. She’d looked delighted, about to hug him, hold him in her arms. Missed opportunities.

“I killed Keelan Makepeace.”

He could remember those words, echoing around in his head. He could remember them but not all the times Hilda had come to sit at his bedside.

The face Hilda made he would remember. He would never forget that. Even if he had forgotten everything else. It’d just been a blur of voices, all yelling, trying to get him to retract his statement but he’d held true to what he said. He had shot Keelan, he remembered clear as day. He wasn’t supposed to. He had meant to do it. He’d wanted to kill him.

Someone had gripped his shoulders and yelled, “this isnt you!” the nurse ushered them all out after that insisting Alfendi needed his rest. She kept giving him nervous looks though. It was understandable he had just accused himself of murder.

He’d been handcuffed to the bed before Katrielle  arrived.

"Alfendi? What happened? They're saying you killed Keelan. I know you didn't tell me what happened."

"I'm sorry Katrielle ."

"What?" She backs away from the bed, shock in her eyes, "Alfendi?"

"I killed Keelan Makepeace." He'd been repeating it so much it sounded like he was just commenting on the weather. Well, sounded like someone else was commenting on the weather, Alfendi wasn't this calm, ever.

"No, not you. Alfendi would never kill anyone… Who are you?" Her raised voice didn't even make him flinch. He just sits there, accepting his fate.

Alfendi always fought, his fiery temper and stubborn nature meant that he rarely relaxed. He usually got fired up promising he was doing the right thing, that he'd catch the bad guy.

He did remember that. His calm demeanour surprised was because that hadn't worked out. He'd changed so he wouldn't hurt anyone. Hadn't he? Why else would he just be accepting his fate.

"I'm your brother."

"No!"

What? Why would Katrielle say that. He was her brother, he'd always been her brother, "I'm your brother." He repeats, house devoid of emotion, surely she just didn't understand.

"No!" She repeats louder.

Maybe he didn't understand, "very well," he accepts. Katrielle  stared at him somehow this statement shocked her further.

"What have you done with my brother?"

"I don't know what you me-"

"BRING HIM BACK! YOU'RE NOT ALFENDI. BRING HIM BACK!"

A nurse rushes into the room and tries to soothe Katrielle . His sister doesn't fight her, only stares at Alfendi, tears streaming down her face.

When the real Alfendi, the murderer, had started whispering in his head he'd been so angry about Katrielle.

Why didn't you fight back? She wanted you to fight back! She wants her brother. Pathetic.

Maybe. His family had loved a murderer though and he wasn't about to lie about that. Even if it hurt.

[earthnashes]

Do you have any fun facts about the “Feathers and Flowers” cast?

ANOTHER OC ASK! Brah thank you I get to talk about me girls. ;w;

I'm gonna keep this short and simple otherwise I'll ramble my head off >_>

---

Kaela: Cowgirl/independent farmer who lives out in the hilly countryside.

-Can handle being in the Extreme Darkness that comes with being out in the wilderness/forests, but cannot tolerate scary games and movies.

-Can speak at least 3 separate languages

-Almost always chewing on something, typically a blade of grass or a toothpick. A habit that developed after she quit smoking.

-Speaking of smoking: even with her quitting some years ago, the smell of smoke never quite leaves her.

Mal: A supernatural entity known as a Spirit. They're basically demigods with magical abilities.

-Carries around a pocket notebook to take notes on anything that fascinates her; this usually is in the form of pencil sketches and notes

-"Lore Keeper." Being a devourer of knowledge and now in direct contact with technology, Mal will go on insane binges to learn as much as possible. She is the resident encyclopedia for lore on weird historical facts and the timelines of games she hasn't even played.

-Loves horror. Finds it particularly funny with how Kaela jumps at almost everything, so she purposefully asks to watch (or play) horror with her to see the reactions

-Exceptional baker. She enjoys cooking but becomes fascinated with human baking for how different it is from her realm's.

-Likes to have her hair played with but won't openly admit it

Sakura: Star athlete and resident celebrity of the town the story takes place in. Slowly becoming an actual celebrity on a national scale due to her skill in the sport Earthball (a fictional sport in the story)

-Part-time streamer. Part of the scholarship requires at least 2 hours worth of online engagement in the athlete's choice. It's largely to keep fans invested. Sakura took to it like a fish takes to water

-Had a "phase" as a teenager, one that revolved around being a little delinquent and may or may not have been a Punk thing. Her best friend Quincy will never let her forget it

-Her tattoo was gained on a dare. She was dared that she couldn't sit long enough to get a tattoo, so naturally she went and got the largest sleeve tattoo to prove everyone wrong. Mission failed successfully.

-Fantastic cook. Loves cooking and will feed the hell out of you if you so much as mention being even slightly hungry.

-Can speak 2 languages; can understand a third but can't really speak it

Evangeline: Timid new student who transferred to the town mid-semester.

-Music buff: knows what seems to be everything and anything that's going on in the music scene. Will suddenly become the chattiest person in the world if you so much as mention her favorite bands

-Can play multiple instruments but is particularly fond of the guitar. Far too embarrassed to play it for anyone though.

-Coffee enthusiast. Grinds her own beans and goes through her meticulous ritual to make the perfect cup every morning at the crack of dawn

-Horseback rider. As a child all the way up to high school she participated mainly in Dressage and was rather good at it, but had to drop it due to an incident.

-----------

Tried to keep it all short and concise for each character; I hope ya like the lil fun facts and thank you so much for asking about my girls! ;w;

[tamelee]

Hii, when are you uploading your next art? It's been like ages lol. Also how's your progress on manga going? And can you suggest some other artists you know, artists like you? Since you also started from 0 followers at some point and your progress on your art is also very inspiring and i guess you know many different artists. I'm searching for inspiration and looking for some Low key artists from other fandoms. I'm slowing trying to improve on my digital painting skills. Still at level 1. Who do you look up to for your inspiration? Sorry, this became a pretty big ask hehe.

Hi~ 💕

Ages? Yeah, ... a little over a month now. I know that because I keep track on it. I pretty much keep track on most things. I do this thing where I plan a few weeks ahead and it is supposed to make sure I have more time left because of the planning but it doesn't account for roadblocks such as wrist pain, technical issues with tablets etc-, mental states, stress, health declines or others. So.. I haven't uploaded anything in a while but I never stopped creating ^^! In fact, I'm learning every single day so that I can create more, "better" (subjective) and build a skill-set that will help me be able to make what I want. I felt like I was making art aimlessly, but having a goal helps. Though, by chance, since you're wondering- this week for sure!

And within that planning is of course the Manga! The process is a lot of fun, but also there is science behind Storytelling and I'm using what I know and learning during my graduation process as well in order to create it. That's why I didn't start drawing until I am completely happy with the story (...and now don't mind so much that my previous draft got lost even thought that was so painful lol). I was so ignorant about it though, thinking I could just... create a Manga. Like c'mon. I knew so much time and dedication went into it and yet I thought I could just... do it 😆 but also, it is this dedication that made me able to do most crazy things in life so why not. If I'm going to spend idk how many hours on this then it better matter to me. I don't want Naruto and Sasuke to just drown in some plot, I want them to actively pursue something they care about and struggle, have dark moments and conflicts... heh.

When I first started drawing.. surprisingly I didn't have that many inspirations. I had no clue what I was doing and so what inspired me was the little art-community around me on Instagram because our goals were similar. My goal to finish Inktober, a wish to "someday create a webtoon" and seeing artists around me upload their art was what inspired me. Then, talking about art, each other's uploads, our obsessions- it was all a lot of fun and helped me improve and so did they! Of course you don't have to go there, you can find artists at any stage of their journey anywhere but really try to find artists and art that you like because your style will grow from that and eventually become your own.

I guess a few artists really stood out to me then, but they're literal gods and nothing like me 🥹..they're; wlop, Z ed, Ruan Jia, Zeen Chin, Guweiz and Dao Tong Le. I had a splash art phase where I fangirl'd (still do) so hard over Bo Chen, Sean Tay, Alex Flores, Cheng Du (crow god), Foritis Wang, but there's also Paul Nong, Ley Bowen, Inhyuk Lee... and for storytelling art there's Kan Liu which art I love and Toni Infante and ooooh Astri Lohne's brushwork is amazing as well. Song Nan Li has a few artworks that I've stared at for days and would love to study someday. Jaz Chiang too. Krenz Cushart has a course that I want to purchase because those colors are sublime... and oh, I'm probably forgetting SO MANY right now but I could go on forever tbh. Lemme talk about artists and their art and I won't be able to stop. There have been many Instagram artists that I've followed but I'm not currently active on there until I graduate so I don't really remember but if you're looking for Twitter/SNS/Naruto specifically then you can look through my following-list or my reblog account here @re-tamelee. Nsfw-warning on Twitter (@ tam_e_lee) though. I think currently a few that inspire me regarding story/expression are helenpeanut, velinxi, Kishimoto, Ramón Nu��ez, Moryo, Ryo Yambe, Rias Coast, Yusuke Matsumoto, Bengal, Hong Soonsang, Horikoshi- and still a few others... I'm not sure what you mean by 'low-key' or if this is not what you're looking for but I hope you can find some inspiration from this post and have fun looking at these amazing artists' art! ^^ Thankyou for your lovely ask, have a nice day 🌷 Happy drawing!

[rawliverandcigarettes]

Ask Game : ALL OF THEM !!!!!! Or, perhaps slightly more realistically, 💭 ! 👓! 🚀 ! 💥! and/or [INSERT PREFERENCE HERE] ! (they're all free choice, answer as many or as little as you like)

Hahaha yes that would be maybe A Lot (though I did have fun, these are good asks! I might answer more at some point!!)

I have already replied to some of them here!

💭 What inspires you and your writing?

I always found the "inspiration" questions to be really hard to answer, because I'm not always 100% sure what qualifies as inspiration to be honest? If I had to answer beyond the obvious (just living one's life, watching others live theirs, get involved with other people's art, learn cool facts about being alive and how we made it obtuse and complicated), I think my thing is to notice intersections, heighten them and push them in a direction that I can then observe? I think it's why I really like fan creation: there isn't the arbitrary part of making things up that could be literally anything, it's more about reckoning with particular feelings and exploring where they come from and what they mean. I think I create in a very... reactory way, if that makes sense? Which sounds awful put like that, but oh well!!!!

👓 What helps you focus when you write?

Two things!

Music and a drink of some kind (generally tea or coffee, but can be a nice cold something, or even alcohol in rare occasions)

NO INTERNET.

This second part is so crucial. As time goes by, I think I have a fairly decent amount of suspicion that I fall somewhere on the ADHD spectrum, and so the internet simply murders my ability to focus. I didn't use to be so bad, but two burnouts before hitting 25 years old will mess up a brain real good, and now I need my way out of the interwebs to do anything remotely productive.

I am so worried about the inevitable moment where my old phone dies and I *have* to get a smartphone.

🚀 Do you like to outline your fic first or create as you go?

It mostly depends on the story. If it's a short piece, I either don't outline or outline in extremely broad strokes.

When it comes to longer pieces, I do outline pretty extensively! I have developed a method that works extremely well for me and involves some sort of table that recaps what's going on in a given chapter, but also notes any crucial information we're supposed to learn regarding main character arcs, main plot and subplots. I only get to the table phase once I have a seriously good idea of what the story will be, which usually takes several notebooks to iron out.

Even then, the outline is pretty loose, and I know I will make adjustments while putting the actual words on the page --there's always something I forgot to take into account, or a narrative opportunity I didn't realize was there to begin with.

(also sometimes I forget what I put in my outline and remembers too late oops)

💥 What is one canon thing that you wish you could change?

Oh nooooooo this is so hard!!! And what is hard about it is to only pick one!!!

So I'm trying to pick the one that would have the most positive impact overall, and that reflects my arbitrary bias the least (it still will, but I'm not picking something like "more salarians", which for sure would be great for me but wouldn't do much to enhance the story as a whole)

So. I love Mass Effect 2, I really do. It's my favorite of the trilogy, mostly thanks to its bold narrative design that was pretty revolutionary at the time, and its cast of amazing characters. But... I think the main plot kind of makes very little sense, and its connection to the rest of the trilogy is tenuous at best.

The thing I would change is that instead of Collectors reaping out humans colonies to make a Super Human Reaper, which is pretty stupid, Collectors are still there (and maybe still kidnapping colonists why not), but they are used as an inside job inside the Terminus Systems to stirr trouble and mess things up between different factions, increasing tensions between Council Space and the Terminus Systems before the invasion strikes. We can keep the whole game pretty similar, except that the danger is less in humans disappearing (which... ok mary sues why is it always about you) and more in "we are eating our own instead of being united against the Reapers when they do arrive". We could get a great peak of who are these people opposing the Council and why, and get a sense of the "dark" side of the Milky Way --which I think was always the intention, though it got a little muddied-- and why it still deserves to be saved. We can keep everything: the suicide mission, us being allied with Cerberus and questionning the Alliance, the diverse perspective of all these suicidal outcasts... And!!! That would justify giving depth to batarians, I did it, I made batarians part of my change without making it seem as if the one thing I would change is to write batarians in a better way!!!

(my other pick for those who are curious would be to rework Priority: Thessia and make it less sexist. I really think just reworking this mission would make ME3 overall less weirdly bitter --though toning down the sexism in the entire game also works)

And I'm throwing a wildcard generated by a number generator for good measure:

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

That one's pretty easy! Here's a snippet from The Empire of Preys, from the perspective of the one and only, our favorite eugenist, racist and misandrist space frog: Dalatrass Linron!!!

(it's not edited, first draft, etc, thread with caution --also Dalatrass Linron's first name is Nemore)

Nemore ignored the alien’s brutish sturdiness to return the salarian his defiant gaze; a pastel shade that looked like a discreet blush, an unbecoming secret. He was young, his clothes baggy and practical and unkempt; used to run away from the local city watch, his angles sharpened by the toll of constant revolt, or the streets, or long-term overdose. She wondered whether his mother knew where he was, if she knew about the imprint that krogan claws left on his skin and how it was now overpowering the imprinting on her; whether these claws ever dug deep enough to soil her son’s blood.

She clenched her teeth. Her crusade had never been about saving everyone –especially not souls desperate to sink themselves back to lower cycles. The Salarian Union was a collective struggle, but collective didn’t imply all-encompassing. Nemore was well aware of the sacrifices left to make. All those wayward girls and motherless boys; tragically lost, incapable of being saved.

She wrenched her attention away from the nauseating pair, and back at the crowd chanting her name.

“They’re too close,” Nemore murmured to her security chief. “Get them away from my people.”

Thank you so much, those are really fun!

From this ask game!

[summonerluna]

For the fanfic writer ask, I'll go with my date of birthday: 2, 11, 80 🥰

2. Talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said "fuck your plan, here's what we're actually doing."

Fifteen Minutes Old. It was supposed to be about Squall trying to learn more about sorceresses and learning that he didn't need all the answers to be supportive, and the pregnancy scare thing was going to be a brief note that just led to more research. I had zero interest in ever writing them as being parents and it wasn't what I saw for my post-game headcanon. Instead Rinoa decided she was GOING to be a mom, dammit, no matter how hard the journey to get there was, and it led to a follow up longfic and the creation of two characters who went on to live in an original novel because they just demanded to exist.

11. What's something neat you've learned while doing research for something you were writing? Also, how much do you worry about doing research in general?

On the "I promise I'm a writer and not Planning Crimes" line of things, I did a lot of research into neurotoxins while working on The Successor, specifically tetrodotoxin. I don't remember all the science about it anymore but it was cool to learn. Same with drowning and hypothermia and what the human body can actually survive. Recently I've learned more about the actual process of knighthood; who even would typically be considered, the training (having to run/ride/climb/SWIM in full armor was part of it), education, and social status. LoZ plays VERY fast and loose with the actual history of knighthood, if anyone was wondering.

I care VERY much about research while writing. I have had to train myself to leave placeholders while writing with a note of what to come back and research later, or else I will end up in a rabbit hole with absolutely zero words written but I'll know a lot more about George Washington's favorite bible verses. (True, recent story.) While working on The Successor I kept a tab open for moon phases and tide tables. I'm not going to promise I didn't miss something, or swap a scene around in editing and forget to correct for it, but for the most part the moon phases should correspond exactly to the passage of time, and the tides should line up to whatever month I decided to base things on (October, I think), based on the Bogue Banks tide chart. I'm a nerd, I love this shit.

80. Do you try to put themes, motifs, messages, morals, etc... in your writing? if so, how do you go about it?

Yes, but not intentionally. At least not at first. When I start a new project I get an idea and see where it takes me. If you look across my writing in general, there are a lot of themes of grief, loneliness, and motherhood, and there's no real reason for that other than they are extremely personal subjects for me so it makes sense I explore my own feelings about them in writing. If I notice I have unintentionally started adding something though I will pay more attention to it, start doing research, and make notes so when I am editing I can look for consistency. The zelink longfic I'm working on right now for instance, I realized I multiple times referenced birdsong as background noise so I started paying more attention to when, and looking up what the birds I had mentioned symbolized and looking for other ways I could maybe incorporate birds. A friend did point out to me once that I am constantly coming back to the idea of choice in my writing, which I didn't even realize I did. So I guess in terms of themes or morals I do place a lot of value on my characters having freedom to make their own choices--or trying to gain that freedom if they don't already have it. I also mention the moon a LOT, so that's a motif I suppose. I use it to denote the passing of time, and probably lean a lot into the moon as having yin energy since a lot of my storytelling is more internal and about the place and characters, than it is the yang energy of plot and action.

These are REALLY thoughtful asks! I would love to get more, and to see more of y'all reblog that post so I can see your answers!

[misshappilyfading]

a long, totally non-psychotic, mini(?) rant about the beatles that's too long and embarrassing for twt

okay so i've recently come out of a SECOND months-long stint of...kim heechul/suju stuff and it's left me kinda...lacking something to fixate on. so rn my temp fix is...the beatles?? and like i've liked their music since i was a little kid, but i haven't had an extended phase of listening to their music since like..10th grade? so this is kinda weird and embarrassing to me but whatever, here are some of my favorite songs by them and why in no particular order!

twist and shout - highlight here besides the gen early 60s feel and 100% john's vocals. there's something really refreshing(?) and youthful about the way he yells the entire song. and ofc the "woooo"s + head shakes are so cute

she loves you - yeah yeah yeah

paperback writer - idk it's a classic

day tripper - idk it's a classic + the fucking GUITAR RIFF

can't buy me love - idk it's a classic. earworm

a hard day's night - idk IT'S A CLASSIC

i feel fine - the pep. the harmonies. im in love with her and i feel fine

eight days a week - sweet song. makes you feel good

i'm a loser - that first harmony just snatches you in. idc. i get it i love it

help! - the 2nd song i consciously knew was by the beatles and i liked it loads more than "i wanna hold your haaaaaaand". i like the bridge the most

yellow submarine - it's in my range and probably by 2nd favorite ringo song? and it's silly

taxman - shit slaps. one of my fav harrison songs. "yeaaaaahhhh the taxmaaaan" is up there for me

here, there, and everywhere - i cried. hard. twice. i tear up thinking about this song. idk how you can go through life normally knowing paul mccartney wrote this about you

i'm only sleeping - hear this for the first time recently and it reminded me of sleeping sun by coldplay and some popular US songs from the 90s...

good day sunshine - lol another i heard in a CM at some point but did not know it was the beatles...it's happy i like it

and your bird can sing - but you don't get me. but you don't get. meeeeee. i can't believe john hate this?? it's so good??? the fucking guitars like???

hello, goodbye - first heard this in the 2007 target commercial. loved it ever since. i really like all of it but the "she says why and i say i don't know" and "why why whywhywhywhy do you say goodbye goodbyeeeeeebyebyebyebye" are stand out parts to me!

back in the ussr - fun : )

glass onion - that fucking recorder towards the end. amazing

blackbird - one of those songs you hear so randomly just..around that you forget/don't know it's the beatles

while my guitar gently weeps - liked this one as a kid when i was feeling emo lololol. good song though : )

[faves from rubber soul, sgt pepper's, and abbey road get their own section (bc these are the only albums i've listened to all the way through...)]

songs that i don't really like but are meaningful in some way

i want to hold your hand - probably the first beatles song i ever heard? or at least consciously knew was by the beatles. bc my kindergarten music teacher made us learn the lyrics and sing it in class

eleanor rigby - ik this is a popular song but the first time i heard it was when my 3rd grade teacher played it backwards to show us how the beatles were connected to the illuminati and devil worship so. i still feel uneasy whenever i hear it. can't sit through the whole song :(

do you want to know a secret - okay i actually don't dislike this song, it's just that i listened to it so much during like 8th/9th grade that im tired of hearing it. still a good song though

yesterday - again it's not that i hate it or anything but lol it's overplayed. meaningful bc it's one of those songs you know at least a few words to even if you haven't heard the whole thing (which i have. too many times.)

all you need is love - not bad but a commercial song in my mind

i am the walrus - scared me as a child but i don't hate it now. coo-coo-kachoo

strawberry fields forever - scared me as a child but i don't hate it now

happiness is a warm gun - super mixed feelings. is it about heroin? sex with yoko ono? are one of those options actually better than the other??? but i fuck with the ending "happinessssss bang bang shoog shoog"

get back/don't let me know/let it be - mixed feelings so i have to be in a specific mood to listen to these

rubber soul (favorites in bold)

drive my car - not my favorite but i loooove the "beep beep beep beep yeah"

norwegian wood - one of the one's i did not listen to as child but as of literally yesterday, i love it. wish it were not inspired by affairs but. like damn the sitar. the general vibes. isn't it good? norwegian wood

you won't see me - i like it. for years i had only heard the chorus so the actual song was a bit different than i'd expected but it's good. "you refuse to even listeeeeen" i like. also the gradual tempo shift!! oooooooo lalala

nowhere man - WOW. okay so when i was little and heard a snippet of the chorus, i had 0 interest in listening to the full song. yesterday, though, that fucking intro caught me so off guard. the slight beachy vibes. paul calling this an "anti-john song" like wow. it's just a 10/10 laaaaaaaalalalalala

think for yourself - rock band trailers fucked this up for me a bit bc i always expect it to lead into the wait chorus. the actual chorus fucks though. i like it

the word - she's silly. she's 60s. she's pop. not my favorite, but those harmonies on "so fine" and "sunshine". man

michelle - loved this since i was 10. it's calming, it fucks. i don't fuck with french but. "until i do im hoping you will know what i mean" and "I LOVE YOUUUUUU" and the guitar solo. the fucking tempo shift

what goes on - ...country. hear fairly often as a kid though but didn't know it was beatles

girl - another one i had no interest in (and was slightly scared of) as a kid based on the chorus but oof. love the comparison between this and michelle. we live for europeans being european in different flavors. also this songs feels like drugs. could be hallucinating but it feels like there's a sliiiight tempo shift here too? or at least it feels like it slows juuuust a bit

i'm looking through you - arguably my favorite beatles song as a child. had me in a chokehold in 2009. "why why tell me why did you not treat me right?" "your lips are moving i cannot heard your voice is soothing but the words aren't clear"

in my life - much much more appreciated now that im older. didn't listen to this much when i was little but i've always always loved the riff and ending. maybe one of my favorite song endings ever

wait - something is kinda catchy about it. idk

if i needed someone - 60s feel. the harmonies are so nice. this is like an honorable mention for me

run for your life - ah nothing like references to violence against women to bring out that 60s feeling : ) shame the chorus is so catchy

sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band

splhcb - yes. billyyyyyyyy shearsssssssssss

with a little help from my friends - YES. probably my favorite ringo song "do you neeeeeeeed anybody?"

lsd - not my favorite. drugs are bad. however i listened to this once when i was extremely drunk (i don't do any other drugs so) and i kinda got it? still not my favorite though

getting better - ah nothing like reference to violence against women to bring out that 60s feeling : ) paul is cute "me hiding me head in the sand" i really like this song but jesus john. i just it's better to admit and ask for forgiveness but. lord. but yeah this is a song that like...jabs you musically from the outset

fixing a hole - actually obsessed. this slaps, it fucks, it calms you down, hypes you up. im right where i belonggggg. that fucking guitar solo

she's leaving home - had only heard a bit of the chorus as a kid. was NOT expecting the entire song to sound how it does. cried on one listen. very beautiful

being for the benefit of mr. kite - the thing i like the most about this is the title

within you within out - ummm couldn't make it through the whole thing. christian upbringing means it gives me hives a little

when i'm sixty four - i liked it as a kid, i like it now. i will always be a supporter of paul's granny shit. it's cute. honorable mention for me

lovely rita - words cannot express how much i like this song. i liked it as a kid, i LOVE it now. the harmonies on "MAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDD aaaaaahhhhhhhh" also paul sound so british the entire time. "luvely rita mitah maid" "little white buke" "made her luke a little like a militry man" "may i inquire discRReetly when are you free to take some tea with MEEEE" it's a time. it's cute, a bit silly, and at the end you get sex! the bassline, the piano, the mouth chkchckchk, the fucking kazoo, i love it. Rita!

good morning good morning - another song i swear i've heard a bit of in a commercial or radio but i can't remember when/where. kinda makes me sad that john ended up not liking it, cause i like it. i get it. plus it sounds like morning.

splhcb reprise - i love it

a day in the life - scared me as a child but even then it kept it's alluring quality to me. not my absolute favorite, but i understand why some ppl regard it to be their best song

abbey road

come together - idk what to say. this is iconic music

something - heard for the first time yesterday and WOW. again idk what to say. shit is GOOD. song that makes you shut up

maxwell's silver hammer - ...i've loved this since 2009. and recording began on my birthday so it's always felt kinda special to me. ik she has haters but im glad paul made it. i live on corn. but also putting this right after something was a set up mayhaps

oh! darling - this FUCKS. don't think i have to say anything else. used to scare me a bit as a kid but i still listened

octopus's garden - def heard as a kid pre-2009 but idk where. not my fav but feels nostalgic

i want you (she's so heavy) - hm...i appreciate this as a piece of music although it's not my personal favorite. like i can its importance to the genre while still skipping. the outro is fucking insane though. and the scream

here comes the sun - do i even have to say anything? beyond "thank you parent trap soundtrack" probably the 3rd beatles song i'd ever heard

because - not a favorite but i like it

medley - you never give me your money will ALWAYS take me back to summer 2019 where i saw the opening lyrics as a metaphor for my own financial issues and depression. wild shit. sun king is like a peak 7pm summer song. love it. another song that makes you shut up. mean mr. mustard and polythene pam i've always loved since i was 10. they're fun to me. the bassline in mmm fucks hard. yeahhhh yeah yeah. in she came in through the bathroom window i like "sunday's on the phone to monday. tuesday's on the phone to me". golden slumbers i like less but i like the quiet parts and how it leads into carry that weight. one of the few times i want paul to not yell. carry that weight feels like the ending of a movie + the link back to yngmym. then you get to the end. which is just. wow. how many other groups can say they've ended their career on something like that? paul yelling, the solos, "love you love you"

and in the end, the love you take

is equal to the love you make.

(jk ik her majesty's a pretty nice girl. i also view this more as an easter egg but i do like it for a personal reason)

[shyames]

We see what we want to see

Who doesn't love Céline? I don't trust you if you say you don't. Because let's face it - you do!

With this one, it's a lot of mixed feelings for me. Firstly, can't believe this came out when I was 2 years old. How is this even possible?

I remember listening to this album on a cassette tape (yes, there was this thing before CDs) that I stole from my mom. My brother hated me, because we were sharing a room and I started my phase of going to sleep while listening to music. And, of course, for the most time it was Céline. Unfortunately, I listened to the tape too much, and it wore down with time. But by then the technological advances caught up with my dad, and we were up to speed with the world to download the songs from the Internet.

As a teen, did I truly understand the song? No. I didn't even understand English that well back then. But sometimes I don't think I understand it even now. It's a powerful song that initially caught my heart with the piano - let's face it, the piano here is marvellous - and then Céline's voice. And as I grew older, of course all your teenage relationships are the greatest love of all and call for the cries to this amazing ballad.

Fast-forward a few years and here come my 20s with my "delulu" brain. Of course, I can relate to some parts more than others, but also can see some of my favourite books, movies and TV shows mirrored in both the music and the words. Plus wine - a glass of wine with this song? Oh boy, good thing I live alone.

The most important though are the quotes I take with me everywhere now, they are always somewhere back in my head:

"we see what we want to see" - it's true on so many levels, throughout all our lives, not only in regard to love but any emotion we have, any action we take

"We forgive and forget and it's all coming back to me now" - and we do, don't we? When I think about my high school years, I don't remain in touch with anyone because I was hurt, and I'm sure others felt hurt by some of my actions. But when I reminisce about the good times, recalling stories from my teenage years, am I still mad, do I remember what was the reason for the animosity? Not really, not always. They became part of who I am now, part of how I got here.

"I finished crying in the instant that you left, and I can't remember where or when or how, and I banished every memory you and I had ever made" - and I did, I cried when hurt, but eventually got up and moved forwards. Sometimes it took longer, sometimes it took just a moment. Do I remember each and every situation I resented, each and every time I was left out, a relationship ended, and I was alone again? No. I know the feelings, I learned something each time (maybe not at that second, but you know, it takes a while to admit your own mistakes). But when truly hurt by someone else at some point you have to forget, or it will haunt you the rest of your life. I'm still learning to do so but getting there.

So is Céline the queen? Yes, of course she is. Is this only about love? NO. It's all about life but most importantly, as with each and every song or music piece - it's about what you need at the moment. Listening closely and taking the sounds in.

[messedupfan]

What happens in Vegas (Jane Banner x Reader) Oneshot

Summary: Y/n is a bartender and not the biggest fan of law enforcement. Until they meet and fall for federal agent Jane Banner.

A/N: It came to me in a few dreams. I might redo it later, I don't really know how much I like this story haha. Hopefully you enjoy!

Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You are a bartender in Las Vegas, flirting with customers was nothing new to you. In fact it was one of your favorite parts of the job. You get to flirt with all types of people, drink for free, and even learn a few things from drunken deep and meaningful conversations. Every aspect of your job made you feel fulfilled. You arrived happy and left with a sense of accomplishment. It was a classy place so flirting wasn't an every night occurrence but it was common. More often than not it was the drunken deep and meaningful conversations.

It was usually some older business type on the verge of retirement and giving you the advice to do what you love instead of chasing some six figure corporate job that was only going to suck the life out of you. They complain that they worked their whole lives for the amount of money they have but never got a chance to enjoy it. You usually point out that they still can because they're not dead. But they retort with the problem being they're not young. Then you give some half-ass compliment about not noticing their age and they know you're full of shit but it still makes them feel good enough to leave a massive tip.

Every so often though, you get flirty customers who are most likely looking for a one night thing to forget their problems or to do something they otherwise wouldn’t. It was fun the first dozen or so times that you indulged but it got old pretty fast. That was never really the adventurous lifestyle you wanted but you didn't regret having that phase. All you did was make it a rule to only flirt enough so that both parties end the night happy, with a confidence boost, and zero regrets in the morning.

What you didn't expect was for one woman in particular to return several times a week. She would show up in the middle of your shift, order a glass of wine and flirt. You flirt back, of course, she was stunning. She was blonde with bright green eyes and easily had the most beautiful smile in the world. If you thought she'd want to see you outside of the bar, you would pursue it. But neither of you made the offer so she was just another pretty face and a really good tipper.

Then you found out what she did for a living.

"So, what does a stunning woman like you do to pay the bills?" You playfully asked as you leaned on your arms against the countertop.

Her lips curled into a sly smirk. "Guess," she challenged.

"Hmm… You're not a stripper are you?"

"We prefer exotic dancers," she says in a false offended tone before laughing. The sound causes your heart to speed up. "No, I'm not a stripper. Guess again," she takes a sip of her wine.

You twist your lips and narrow your eyes as you look her over. "Actress, no… singer? No. A model!"

She rolls her eyes, "No, I'm not a performer in any shape or form. I'm going to give you one last guess before I tell you because I think it's going to blow your mind."

"Okay… Let me think," you straighten your posture and cross your arms over your chest as you rub your chin in thought. "Professor! It definitely has to be that, you've got that sexy 'Do as I say or you will fail my class' vibe to you."

"Oh, I like that one," she blushes and you wink at her. "Sadly, you're wrong again. I'm actually an FBI agent." Her smirk widens as your eyes do the same. But you're not impressed by her profession. In fact you think you have finally found the one thing you don't like about her.

"Oh," you say and step back. The playfulness leaving your body. "That's… that's cool I guess." You clear your throat and grab a random glass to clean.

"What? No comment on how I'm a total badass? Not to toot my own horn but, I kind of am," she says awkwardly. Trying to bring the mood back but you're left speechless.

Thankfully a new customer arrives and you feel her confused gaze following you around until her glass is empty. "Would you like a refill on that, officer?" You don't make eye contact when you ask and she can sense that something is wrong.

"Um… yeah. That would be great. Thank you," she frowns. Jane had thought that you might refer to her as an officer but she didn't expect for you to sound so cold about it. "What just happened?" She asks and you shrug as you pour her another glass. This time she stays until your shift is over and follows you out of the building. "Let me guess, you hate cops." She shouts behind you, trying to catch up.

You scoff not turning around, "What gave it away?"

"The fact that you haven't looked at me since I told you how I make my living."

"Oh, so you did notice. I thought you might not know what a hint was but I guess you just don't know how to take one."

"What's your problem?" She shouts as she stops walking.

You stop walking when you can’t hear her heels following anymore. "You wouldn't get it, blue life," you mock over your shoulder.

Jane scoffs and rolls her eyes again. "You know, not all of us are ignorant assholes! I don't have one of those damn flags in my office and I donate my time and money to the right organizations! I don't even believe in that fucking thing! It exists for all of the wrong reasons!”

"Why do you even care what I think? It's not like this was going anywhere!" You turn and take a few steps towards her. She looks away and blinks her eyes from your harsh words trying to keep a strong face. "All I am to you is someone who strokes your ego and makes you feel good about yourself before you have to go home to some bullshit boyfriend or empty apartment or whatever the fuck you have. I'm not someone you actually want in your life. So why do you care what I think about your profession?"

"Is that what you think of me?" She asks in disbelief. You just shrug and she shakes her head. "Okay, fuck you! You're so full of shit. You can't stand here and honestly tell me it was all in my head!"

"I don't know what was in your head but you better keep me out of it," you retort.

"Oh really? So all of that banter was just what? Part of the job?"

"Normally it's my favorite part but now that I know I wasted it on a fucking oinker I'm not so sure I like it any more."

"Unbelievable, what is so bad about my job? Not everyone on the force abuses their power. There are more good than bad, I promise you. Please, tell me what it is about my job that made you go from calling me sexy to a pig in a split second. Enlighten me, will you?"

You sigh and run your fingers through your hair. "It's complicated. There's too many reasons."

Jane shrugs, "I have time."

You sigh through your nose, "You're not going to let up are you?"

"It’s late but this is Vegas. I'm sure there is somewhere we can go, I'll even pay." You shook your head as you considered your options. There was nothing stopping you from turning around and never talking to her again. She could easily be out of your life, all you had to do was walk away. But those green eyes kept you grounded. Nevermind that every part of you wanted to run away just because of her job. Nevermind what you had been brought up to think. This woman in front of you was gorgeous and kind and matched your sense of humor which wasn't something that happened easily. She was right to say that you were full of shit because if you had been honest with yourself, you would've noticed that you fell for her the second you gazed into those green eyes.

You sigh, frustrated with the war between your head and your heart. "Fine, but I'm paying."

"Fine by me."

A year later she wanted to meet your family.

"No way. Not gonna happen."

"Come on babe! If we're going to live together shouldn't I get to meet your family? You met mine," she pouts and bats her eyes, very unlike her usual hardcore FBI agent persona, as she wraps her arms around your shoulders.

Since you started dating around the holidays, within the first month Jane invited you to spend them with her family in Florida. It was nice and her family welcomed you with somewhat open arms. They were a little skeptical at first, you were a bartender with tattoos, a few visible scars, and the two of you hadn’t been together for very long. You looked like trouble even though you felt that you were far from it. Her brother made a joke about the two of you meeting because Jane had arrested you. She quickly came to your defense and pointed out how dumb that was and he hit her with the age old can’t you take a joke comment. Jane looked like she was going to kill him so you stepped in to calm the waters.

Throughout the rest of the trip you won her family over but her father did sit you down to discuss what you wanted for your future. He was disappointed to hear that you were just taking your life one day at a time. Said that was not the kind of life his daughter wanted and that if you were serious about her then you would get serious about your life. That hit you hard because you had no idea how to do that. However, you did know that Jane Banner had to somehow be part of your future.

“Yes, but you don’t understand. My family is vastly different from yours. See, your family only silently judges me for what I do for a living, but they can see past my job and accept me. Hell, they even want better for me. But mine isn’t like that. In fact, if I bring you to them, I’m confident that will be the last time I ever see them.” You lean against the counter of the house the two of you were thinking about renting together.

“Oh come on, you’re always telling me about how close they are and how they’re all about family. I’m sure they can get past the fact that you fell for an agent.”

You pretend to mull it over in your head, “No. They will not forgive me for that. If you were a real estate agent maybe.”

She ignores the instinct to roll her eyes at the little joke and continues to pout and bats her eyes as she asks again. You kiss her pout and she finally drops the facade. “What? Are they a bunch of criminals or something?”

You open your mouth to answer but get interrupted by the person the two of you hired to find a decent place to rent. “So, what do we think of this place? Nice right?” She cheerily asks. “And the commute isn’t terrible for either of you. Unfortunately, there are already two offers on this place so if you guys want to act, we’ve gotta do it fast.” You and Jane share a look and break to get another quick glance of the place. Envisioning yourselves living there. Her gaze returns to yours and the pair of you shrug.

“Yeah, let’s put in an offer,” Jane answers and the realtor is happy to begin the process.

Within a month of living together, you knew that you wanted to marry her and spend the rest of your life with her. Once you realized that, you took a day off in the middle of the week to put the proposal all together. You had saved up a lot of your really big tips for the bar you wanted to open one day but this was far more important so you went through your secret stash and took out one of the rolls of money.

You waste no time in going to the nearest jewelry store to buy her a ring. It takes two more stores until you find the right one. At first you thought maybe you would wait a little longer before asking her but your excitement got the best of you and you put together a quick plan. You drive to the restaurant that you work at and ask your friends in the kitchen to make Jane’s favorite items off of the menu. You help them because you want to be able to say that you had a hand in putting it together while they all help you write the speech to ask her. You offer to pay them but they all agree that it’s an early engagement present. Everyone wishes you luck as you thank them and leave with the meals. On your way home you stop at a florist and pick up a few bouquets of different flowers for her.

When you get home, you make the most romantic setting that you can with the place still being a disorganized mess because neither of you has had enough time to properly put things away. You dig through some of your boxes to find the nicest outfit you own and put it on. Once everything is set-up and the time nears to when she typically comes home, you kneel down at the front door and wait. You curse yourself when you hear the outer garage door open and rush to kneel in front of the door to the garage.

“Ugh, work was just awful today. How did–” she stops talking once she finally looks at you. “What are you doing?”

“Proposing,” you said with a cheeky grin.

“Proposing what?” she asks slowly.

“Marriage,” your smile begins to falter.

“Are you crazy?” She asks as she walks around you to put her stuff down. “We’ve never discussed this at length. Where is this even coming from?”

You close the ring box and stand, a little embarrassed, and turn to her. “So I’ll take that as a no,” you say with a low frown.

Jane closes her eyes with a sigh, “I didn’t say no. I’m just… processing. This kind of came out of nowhere and if you know anything about me at all then you know that I don’t like surprises. In fact, I hate them.”

“I know that, you don’t think I know you? I know everything about you,” you say defensively. “Look, I love you and I just, I don’t know… wanted to give you what every girl dreams of when they’re little. Y’know? The perfect surprise proposal. I even wrote a whole speech that concluded with ‘I know you don’t like surprises so you don’t have to answer right now,’ but I guess we can skip all of that.” You slip the ring into your pocket and slump into the seat at the kitchen table. “I had your favorite made by the way.”

She pinches the bridge of her nose, “I need to shower. I had a hell of a day and I just need to wash it off.” Jane walks off to the bedroom and you reheat the food as you wait for her to return. You try not to feel too crushed by her reaction. She was way more calculated about this sort of thing than you were. You don’t know what had come over you because it took you two months to convince her to move in together. Why you thought she would be ecstatic to get married right away was a mystery to you.

As she showers you make sure to go through her things to find something comfortable for her to relax in and neatly lay it out on the bed for her. Then you get out of your outfit and put on something far more casual to make her feel like she hadn’t hurt you and that you were willing to move at her pace. When the water shuts off you leave the room and wait for her in the kitchen. As she comes out she has an apologetic frown on her face and the small box in her hand. “You were really going to offer time to let me think about it first?” She thoughtfully asks.

“Of course,” you say and grab your phone to show her the speech you wrote on the notes app.

She takes the device and sits across from the chair you occupy as she reads the speech. She wears a soft smile and lets out tiny laughs at a few parts. You sit a little awkwardly as you wait for her to finish. Her green eyes fill with tears when she looks at you again. “Yes,” she whispers.

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, “Yes?”

Jane nods, “Yes.” You jump from your seat and fall over to hers. You kiss her and open the box to slip the ring onto her finger. “I love you,” she holds your face and with her thumbs she lightly caresses your cheeks. Images from the case she had worked on that day flood her mind and she suddenly has the urge to do something she otherwise wouldn’t have. “Let’s do it this weekend.”

“Are you serious?” You ask, surprised by the suggestion.

“Yeah, I’m tired of over-thinking things and waiting for whatever perfect amount of time to do those things with my life. I don’t want to wait and stress over some crazy wedding that no one can afford. I just want it to be you, me, and probably someone pretending to be Elvis.” She pulls you in for another deep kiss.

“Okay, let’s find a place and we’ll make an appointment and see what we have to do,” you pant out once she finally lets you go for air. “I love you so much,” you kiss her from the neck, you pull away to crawl under the table and yank down her yoga pants along with her underwear. “Let me show you how much,” you say with a hungry gaze. Jane weaves her fingers through your hair, biting her lower lip, as she guides you to her.

By the next week, you and Jane were newlyweds. The people at her precinct caught wind of the news and surprised her with champagne and cake that she brought home to you and the people you worked with had you bring Jane in for another celebration. Then you and Jane had to tell her family over a video call and they weren’t too thrilled to hear that their only daughter had eloped. After some arguing, they congratulated the two of you and asked when they could come to visit and meet your family. You share a look with Jane before coming up with some answer that isn’t inviting but appeases them for the moment.

“Well, Y/n, welcome to the family. I promise, we’ll love you someday,” her mom says in a teasing manner that makes you laugh but Jane is a little apprehensive. “Alright, we’ll let you two lovebirds be. Call more often, will ya?”

“Bye mom, bye dad, I love you.” Jane says as you wave to them with a grin.

“What?” You ask at Jane’s frown.

“Why don’t you want anyone to meet your family?” She crosses her arms over her chest and tilts her head to the side with a hard stare.

You shrug, “I moved away from them for a reason, love. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“You moved three hours away from them, not to another country. They can’t be that terrible,” Jane argues and you clench your jaw. You didn’t understand why it was so important for her to meet them. No matter how many times you warned her that they wouldn’t accept the relationship. Your parents wouldn’t be so understanding of the life you’ve been living with her. Hell, it wasn’t just that Jane was an FBI agent, that they could get over. The problem is that she is a woman. “And what if we have kids? What will you tell them about your family?”

“We’re not having kids,” you laugh at the thought.

Jane is surprised and disappointed, “We’re not?”

You stare at her for a long moment trying to decipher how upset she was by your statement. “You want kids? After the horror stories you see everyday? You seriously want to bring an innocent thing into this world?”

“Of course not! But I would like to adopt one day. There are plenty of kids in the system that need good families.”

“Yeah, I know. But imagine they give us a kid to foster and the second we try to adopt the bio parents start straightening up and we lose our kid! Do you want to be put through that? Fall for a kid, only to have them ripped from us and returned to people we know they aren’t safe with?”

“That wouldn’t happen, I’m an FBI agent! They would have to side with us!”

“You forget, I’m a bartender. That doesn’t exactly scream great parent to a judge,” you point out.

“Not if you open your own bar! Just like you said you wanted to do,” Jane argues back. The conversation continues the rest of the week and it isn’t until you arrive home with a bouquet of her favorite flowers and a bottle of her favorite wine to call a truce, reminding her that because the two of you have a tendency to move fast, that doesn’t mean that everything has to happen right away. She promises to not let it become an issue again.

But as time goes on she realizes that can’t let the idea go. Jane was determined to keep her word and not make the family discussions into big issues but because she is never able to resolve these issues, every little thing you do begins to bother her. Which makes the two of you argue more than necessary. And that eventually made you come home less. Back when you were convincing her to move in together, the first thing you promised was that you would work more during the day and take the manager position you had been offered but previously didn’t want to take. It was more money and you could align your schedule to be home from work when she is. Now, because of all of the arguing, you stay at work as long as possible. Doubts about your marriage began to haunt you every time you dreaded coming home.

One night, a year into the rocky marriage, Jane is tossing and turning in bed. She was missing you, she knew that things had been off between the two of you and that it was finally time for her to try and do something about it. She steps out of bed and gets dressed and goes to your work. There she sees that you aren’t behind the bar so she asks around for you. Every person she sees on the way to your office greets her with a happy hug and tells her that she needs to stop by more often. She makes a polite promise to be around more and they let her move on through. She opens the door to the office just as you push the new girl away from you. “You know that I’m married. You can’t try that ever again,” you sternly say, still oblivious to Jane’s presence in the room.

“Come on, boss. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her,” she advances on you again and this time Jane clears her throat.

“Hey, my love!” You say, finally standing from your chair to greet and pull your wife into the office before something happens that shouldn’t. “This is our newest hire, Anna. She’s been here for a couple of weeks. I’ve been staying late to help train her with Johanna. You remember Johanna, right? Did you see her on the way in?” You ramble on as your heart races at the hurt and betrayed look in your wife’s pretty green eyes. “And I don’t know how long you were standing there for but I promise it wasn’t what it looked like.” Jane’s stoic expression doesn’t change and you know that you are in trouble. “Anna, will you please let people know that I’m heading home. I’ll call Zach on my way out.” You tell the girl as you collect your things to leave. “I’ll meet you at home?” You ask Jane.

She nods and turns around without another word. When you park in the garage you have the all too familiar sense that something is wrong and that you are somehow at fault. That was the way you felt coming home the past few months. At least this time you have an idea as to why she is upset with you. You miss the honeymoon phase dearly, the days when you couldn’t wait to see Jane and you knew she was just as happy to see you. You miss being freely happy with her, you miss being able to hold her and love her. You wish you could know what you did so wrong that made her dislike you as much as she does. You wish you knew how to fix it. You had no clue how to get back to the way things used to be because it seemed that no matter what you did, you upset Jane and she never gave a clear answer as to why that was.

Jane knocks on the window, disrupting your train of thought. You step out of the car and lean against it with your hands crossed over your chest. Jane frowns with glassy eyes as she puts her hand on top of your arms. The look in her eyes is disarming and you can see the woman that used to flirt with you in the bar. It has been a while since you’ve seen her. You figure it was because work has been so stressful for her lately and she didn’t know how to let the case go at home.

She tugs to pull your arms apart and you let them fall to your sides. She falls against your chest and you wrap her up in your arms as she does the same. She holds you tightly against her as she lets out a light sob. You hold her as she cries in your arms and you don’t fight the tears that roll out. The two of you stand in the garage crying on each other for what is possibly an hour or more. The sobs die out and the silence left is far from comfortable but it isn’t suffocating.

“Do you still love me?” Jane asks in a small voice.

“I-Of course,” you answer even though you’re not so certain of your answer. “Do you still love me?” Jane pulls away to look you in the eye as she tells you that she loves you so much it hurts. “Why does it hurt?” You ask as you hold her face in your right hand.

“Because I feel like I’m giving you more than I’m receiving from you.” Her answer breaks you to hear but you’re pretty certain there is a lot of truth behind that statement by the way you want to immediately defend yourself. You calmly ask her what she means and she steps away from you. “We have been together for close to three years, married for almost two and I still haven’t met your family. I get that you don’t have the best thoughts of them but I know that you still have a good relationship with them. You make sure to call your mom every sunday and anytime you need to talk something out, you call your dad before you talk to me. Not to mention that you are always checking up on your brothers. That doesn’t sound like someone that hates their family. So why do you keep me away from them?” You cross your arms over your chest again and stare at your shoes. You didn’t want to answer, it felt embarrassing.

“It’s complicated,” you say.

“Is it?” She challenges and you clamp your mouth shut. “Why did you marry me?” You look up at her like she was crazy for asking you such a thing. “I’ll tell you why I married you, and it goes beyond just being in love with you. It’s because you’re my favorite person and you’re my best friend and I wanted to build a life with you. I trusted you enough to believe we could have built an amazing future together. I wanted to raise kids and build a strong family with you. But you don’t want any of that do you?”

“I-I… I don’t know. I just,” you fail to form words to explain to her what you wanted. But if that wasn’t what you wanted then what did you really want out of the marriage, other than just her?

“Why do you push me out of important parts of your life? Why do you want me to only have fifty percent of you but expect me to give you a hundred percent of me? Why push me away?” Jane presses. “You don’t want me part of your family and you don’t want a family with me so, I don’t know, Y/n. What do you want from me other than sex and someone to stroke your ego when you need it?”

“Hey, our relationship is so much more than that!” You defend but as you say that, you question whether or not that it is. “We take care of each other. We love each other. We support each other. We’re there for each other–”

“No we’re not! You’ve practically been living in your office! And I’ve been taking cases that make me travel! We can’t stand to be around each other, Y/n!” She watches you process her words. “Think about it! We’re not happy and it shows! Why else would that girl think that she could kiss you?” You flex your jaw as you take slow breaths. The two of you stare at each other for a long moment. “Can you even remember the last time we had sex? Because I can’t.” You shake your head because you couldn’t. You could recall all of the times you tried to get intimate and how she shot you down every time. But despite your best efforts, you can’t remember the last time the two of you had sex.

“How can I fix this? Please, tell me what I can do. I’ll do anything to prove to you that you mean the world to me.” You fall to your knees as you plead with her. She doesn’t like it and she tries to make you stand up, asking you repeatedly to do so. You listen and rise to your feet. When you’re standing again, you hold her face in your hands as you continue to plead. “Come on baby, let go. Let me show you how much I love you. Stop being angry with me. Stop fighting me. Please, love. Let’s just be together.” You place your lips on her cheeks and her forehead but she is the one who grabs your face to initiate the first real kiss the two of you have shared in months.

The two of you desperately undress yourselves as all of the sexual frustrations beg for their release. You press her to the wall of the garage and lift her as she latches her legs around your body during the heated kiss. You walk her over to the bedroom without breaking the kiss and land on the bed with ease. The two of you are passionate and aggressive in the couple of hours that the two of you take to make up for time wasted on being upset with each other.

After, you joke about not needing to fix what the two of you just did and share a laugh. When the two of you settle down again, you look at each other quietly while lightly tracing patterns on the other's skin with the pads of your fingers. “What do you want? I’ll give you anything to make you happy,” you ask again, knowing that the promiscuous pause wasn’t the end of the earlier conversation.

“I want a divorce,” she says without missing a beat.

It hurts to hear and it isn’t easy to accept but if it was what she wanted then that’s what she would get, “Okay.”

A month later, you move out of the house after getting her to agree to couples therapy. Two months later, the two of you are officially filing for divorce which requires a year of separation. Jane had every right to be upset about you not wanting to involve your family in the relationship because now that it was ending you wish more than anything that you had brought her to meet them. Maybe there wouldn’t have been such a strain on the relationship and maybe the two of you would be happy right now. What makes matters worse is that you wish that you could have your family's support during this hard time. As of right now, all they know is that you’ve been upset but they have no clue as to why.

Another month passes and you sleep with Anna to help you move on. It felt wrong and it only made you realize that all you want is Jane. So you remember her father’s words and seriously consider them this time, even sitting down at night to make list after list of ways to get more serious with your life.

You discuss with your boss about how to make more money and they help you get into a business program at the university nearby. You visit with your family more and talk with them to learn how to forgive them for pains of the past. You offer to babysit your nephews and nieces to get more comfortable around kids. You see a therapist for yourself. You learn that improving yourself improves everyone else around you. You learn how to make yourself happy instead of relying on someone else to make you happy. You realize that a deep part of you never felt worthy enough of Jane Banner so you pushed her away for that. Now several months into the separation, you are ready for her but you had to go about this the right way. The first step was telling your family about her.

They thought you were crazy at first. Livid to find out that you had married a woman despite their beliefs. There was shouting and arguing then it went quiet. After a long moment, your mom started to point out the positive differences in your life and she connected them to your soon-to-be ex-wife. You explained that you made the changes for yourself and no one else. It made your mother proud and she gave you her blessing. You look at your father and he is still upset but he asks when they get to meet her. You tell him soon. Your parents invite you into their arms as they tell you that they accept and love every part of you. Then you move onto repairing the relationship with her family which was easier said than done. They weren’t nearly as inviting as they had been in the past but that doesn’t deter you. Family was everything to Jane and if you wanted to truly show her that you’ve changed, this is where you had to start.

It took you a month of staying in Florida and stopping by their house everyday for them to finally invite you in to talk. After which they felt more comfortable with you in their lives and her father proudly gave you his blessing so long as there was a second wedding, one that they get to attend this time. You make the promise with every intention of keeping it. You stayed an extra week to get to know them better and for them to get to know you better. It wasn’t until that week that you realized how far you kept pushing them away before. It was funny to you how it took you until your marriage was practically over to figure out why you married Jane in the first place.

You fly back to Vegas and make plans on how to convince Jane that the two of you shouldn’t split up. But they end up having to be put on hold when you have to work, attend classes, and study. On top of that you have to continue doing the things that have only been making you what you feel to be as a better person. Then, one day during the spring you get a phone call from a number you don’t recognize.

“Is this the spouse of an agent Jane Banner?”

“Yes, this is them,” you say as you hold your breath. It never occurred to you how dangerous Jane’s line of work was until you were on a flight to Wyoming. You take a cab to the hospital praying to every god out there to keep her alive. When you get to her room there is a man there and it looks like he is comforting her. “Jane,” you say in relief. Her eyes fill with tears again and you rush to her side but don’t touch her, worried about hurting her. “I love you. I just had to start there. I love you and I told my family about us and they can’t wait to meet you. If you still want to meet them. Please, I want to prove to you that I’m the person you can build a life with.” She shushes you with a pained smile and reaches for your hand. You instantly give it to her and you notice that she also hasn’t taken her wedding ring off.

“I love you too,” she says and squeezes your hand in place of a kiss. She didn’t look in the best condition to be getting kissed so you squeeze back.

“I’ll leave the two of you be,” the man says as he places a magazine on the surface next to Jane’s bed. “I’m Cory by the way. You have one hell of a wife right there, Y/n. Not a lot of people would do what she did. Remember to appreciate her,” he says, the two of you shake hands while he goes on and you thank him for being there for Jane. He leaves the room and you return your attention to your wife.

“Do you still want a divorce?” You ask.

Jane’s lips quiver as she thinks about her words and you take the seat that Cory had previously occupied. “When I thought I was going to die,” she starts with a hoarse voice. “I kept thinking that I gave up on us too easily. We both did, neither of us put up much of a fight for our marriage. That made me think that we were right to call it quits.” You drop your head, not wanting to have to look her in the eyes when she rejects you for good. “I don’t want to go through with it. The divorce, I mean. I want us to try harder this time. I want us to be better. I want you and I want whatever future it is that we are meant to have with each other. I love you.” Relief fills you as you bring her hand to your lips and place grateful kisses around her ring. Promising that things will be better.

Four years later, Jane is in the hospital again. This time delivering your first child.

[panlight]

The thing that always bothered me about the NM breakup was Edward stealing Bella's things as if that would make her forget him. She isn't going to forget a year romance just because you pilfered her stuff, dude! ESPECIALLY not a romance that also included a near-death experience!

The whole thing just never really worked for me in general. Like, I get what SM was going for, and if I had read it a few years earlier when I was in my Romeo & Juliet phase, it probably WOULD have worked for me. But I was already on the older side of YA when I read it so I just kept being like "all this for a high school romance?" even though like, I understand that in-universe this was a much bigger romance than that, that it was meant to be True Love and all that. But I kept being like "you dated for like six months idk."

And the other part that just didn't work for me is when Bella was like "I lost the whole family, the whole future I'd chosen" because like:

a) very few people get the future they planned when they were 17. I don't doubt that having your plans and dreams upended was hard, but the tone of like "this is the worst thing that has literally happened to anyone" sort of rubbed me the wrong way. That quote about time passing is actually beautifully written, IMO, but the "time passes . . . even for me" part made me groan.

b) the Cullens . . . had not offered her a future at this point? Edward hadn't proposed, no one had offered to turn her. When people are like "the Cullens abandoned her!" I'm always like . . . did they? IMO no one owed her any closure except Edward and Alice. When you break up with someone (or someone breaks up with you), you . . . usually stop hanging out with their family? IDK it just didn't strike me as "abandonment" that her ex-boyfriend's family 'left' her.

c) I just didn't buy that she actually cared about any of them anyway. Like I think she liked the idea of being an immortal vampire with a big family, but as of New Moon she canonically doesn't know ANYTHING about Rosalie and Jasper (because she learns that in Eclipse), and her convo with Carlisle with the stitches feels like the first meaningful conversation she's had with him. She never seems to find out Esme's full story. If the Cullens had left but Edward had stayed, do we honestly think Bella would have cared?

And then there was just the fact that she couldn't figure out he left to protect her when it was SO OBVIOUS. And in-universe this is supposed to be about her self-esteem, how she never thought of herself as worthy of him so of course he would leave her but . . . IDK. It was just so blatantly obvious that he left to protect he from a future of either danger or blood-sucking soullessness. He left after Jasper tried to eat her; it wasn't subtle. Like yes I get her self-esteem issues but she's also supposed to be stubborn and perceptive so the fact that she couldn't figure out what was really going on until like he came back and literally explained it to her repeatedly felt weird. But that could just be me.

And then the major, major problem with all this is that Edward leaving to protect her is supposed to be this noble sacrifice he made because a human life would be so much better and more fulfilling for anyone and he wants that for her because he loves her. BUT THEN BREAKING DAWN HAPPENS and being a vampire is just rainbows and sunshine and awesomeness for Bella. Which makes you go like "why did he bother leaving in New Moon?" and "why did they bother sucking the venom out in Twilight?" It creates this conflict of like "Did Edward et al lie about how bad being a vampire is?" or "Is Bella in denial?"

Stealing the stuff is very gaslight-y, yeah. It makes her question if he was real, if any of it was real, it hurt instead of helped. But in universe it's supposed to be him wanting her to have that clean break and chance at a human life but then the over-the-top happy ending of BD makes you go, "huh?" all over again.