#i love melanie she's losing her mind

[friedmagazinebouquet]

I think Elias deserves a "World's Best Boss" mug

Preferably with more poison in it

[constellationclarke]

Hadestown today for Grace and Dónal's final performances was actually insane. The energy was electric, every single performer on stage gave it their fucking all as though it was also their last performance too, right off the bat everyone was already emotional, the crowd was wild and cheering insanely loud at the very beginning, all the emotional moments were 10x more tender. Dónal's last If It's True was actually fucking crazy it was a showstopper to the point that when it ended not only did everyone applaud like usual but everyone stood up for a grand standing ovation. (Also I was sat next to his parents!! When everyone came out on stage at the beginning his mum stood up and waved and clapped for him, I was so emotional!) During Promises when Eurydice says "You finished it" about Orpheus finally completing his song the whole theatre erupted into cheers and applause (that never happens in that moment). When Grace has her big note at the end of Wait for Me (Reprise) the cheering and applause was so loud. The audience was just electric like never before, the cheering and applause for every single song had such a different and more intense feel to it than any other day. When Orpheus turns around and loses Eurydice the whole theatre held its breath and you could hear a pin drop when Hermes starts singing the finale. Melanie started it so so quietly and solemnly and tragically and it was so beautiful. Everyone on stage was crying when they came to take their bows and Madeline got a moment of appreciation since she's taking over as Eurydice. Dónal and Grace had extended applause moments. Everyone was a sobbing mess during We Raise Our Cups, both audience and cast alike AND!! The rest of the cast (swings and understudies) came out during the song to raise their cups as well!! And then Melanie asked everyone to be seated again and called all the tech team out to stage too, taught us a call and response she'd like us to keep in mind from a storytelling tradition back in Trinidad and Tobago (sorry I can't remember it rn I was too much of an emotional wreck!!) And then she gave Grace and Dónal respectively a beautiful heart felt genuine lovely speech and goodbye, there was not a dry eye in the whole place. She asked everyone on stage to create a path and then sent Grace and Dónal off with a rhyme and the call and response she taught us, and they walked off the way Orpheus and Eurydice would have walked out of hell together if he hadn't turned around!!!!!, and they stopped at the top just before the exit to wave bye to everyone and honestly there's probably loads I'm missing out on but I cried too damn much to be able to have the mental capacity to even formulate thoughts so if anyone else was there today and has anything to add please do so!!!! 😭 it was an insane time and I'm so so glad I got to be there and experience it, it was pure magic. I got this vid of the bows and you can see how emotional everyone was but had to cut it off as We Raise Our Cups started because my hands were shaking so much (I have a full vid of the song from months ago tho if anyone wants to see it just search on my blog)

[sweetcheeksschemmenti]

After All This Time

Can’t keep my mind focused on the last chapter of Pick and Choose (surprise surprise lol) so enjoy this tidbit. :)

Wc: 1.6k

Melissa Schemmenti x fem reader

Summary: Many years after the first time she asked, you’re finally able to give Melissa the answer she’s waited her entire life for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Melissa sat at the breakfast table with a plate of toast, bacon, and eggs; she smiled up at you as you placed a hot cup of coffee in front of her and took your own seat. She looked out the window to your backyard to watch your adult children play soccer with your husband. You watched as the corners of her eyes crinkled with silent laughter, taking in every detail of her face like it was the last time you’d ever see her again.

Every year, Melissa spent a week of her summer break visiting you and your family in Maine. You were childhood best friends, you went to college together, she fell in love with you and you turned her down to be with your now husband. But even after you broke her heart, she stuck around. Melissa was a bridesmaid at your wedding, and earned the title of ‘aunt’ when your twins were born. She was there for every birthday and holiday, every cheer competition and weekend soccer game, she was even there to make soup and clean waste baskets when the whole family caught the flu one summer break. In turn, you were there for her marriage to Joe and their eventual divorce. You helped her get back into the dating world just to watch her give up and resign herself to a life alone, claiming that having your family to spend time with was enough for her.

“My God, when did they grow up?” The redhead let out a watery laugh as Melanie tackled Ethan to the ground and wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I ask myself that every day. It seems like just yesterday we were planning their baby shower, now they’ve graduated college and are spending their last summer at home before they move away for their big kid jobs,” you said with a wistful sigh.

Melissa glanced at you with sorrow in her eyes and drifted into her own thoughts. Silence filled the air again as you both nibbled at your breakfasts and stared out the window. She wanted so badly for this to be her reality: to wake up every day for breakfast with you, for those two knuckleheads of yours to be her own too, to experience all the little domestic moments in life with you. All of it.

As far as she knew, you never thought about the day she asked you to run away with her in college. You never spoke with her about it after you let her down (except for that one drunken time she asked again at your bachelorette party, but she forgot about that the next day), you just kept going through life as if it never happened. Really, you thought about it every day. Back then your parents controlled every aspect of your life: which college you went to, what you majored in, what you wore, who you were friends with, and even who you dated. They were strict and if they even had an inkling that you were into women they would have pulled back from your life completely, leaving you with nothing and no one. You were scared of losing everything you ever knew, so despite wanting nothing more than to take Melissa’s hand and be hers forever, you married the man they wanted you to and kept your true feelings bottled deep within.

Slowly, you reached for the hand she had wrapped around her mug and held it in yours. She tore her eyes away from the game outside to look at you in shock; you hadn’t held her hand since your wedding day. You leaned across the table and placed a gentle kiss to her lips.

Her brow furrowed in confusion, hand remaining in yours. “Y/N?”

“Ask me again.” You half whispered.

“What the hell are you talkin’ about?”

“What you asked me all those years ago.” You squeezed her hand, your eyes glossy with unshed tears. “Ask. Me. Again.”

Her eyes fell to the napkin on her lap. “I can’t take that heartbreak again, hon. Plus, you have Mike and the kids, it wouldn’t be fair to them. You’ve got a happy family now, you don’t wanna lose that.”

“We’re not as happy as we seem, Red. Besides, Mike‘s always known. You’ve been the one for me since before I could put words to feelings.” You squeezed her hand again, a quiet plea for her to look at you. This time she squeezed back but she still couldn’t bring herself to look up.

She was silent for a moment before she spoke again. “Your mother would kill you.”

You chuckled, “I’m fifty somethin’ years old, it’s past time I cut those apron strings. What’s she gonna do? Take away my inheritance? She’s used most of it to spoil her grandkids anyway.” You lifted her chin to look at you. Your tone turned back to serious. “The kids know too. They won’t tell me they know, but they do. Ethan overheard me talking to Mike a few months ago about the divorce, I heard him run down the hall to tell Melanie. They’re adults now, I think they understand why and how things change.” Your voice caught in your throat, “We’ve known for many years that this marriage would end as soon as the kids were outta the house. Mike and I have talked about it a hundred times. We promised each other that we’d play ‘happy family’ until we knew the twins would be alright. This is our last ‘normal’ week before we sign the papers and our not-so-baby birds leave the nest.”

Mel wiped away the tears that spilled down your cheeks and you gave her a small smile. You’d loved her your whole life, and after everything you’d been through together you never thought you’d feel like you could lose her until that moment. You were so scared she’d walk away, that all those feelings from years ago had been washed away with time.

“Ask me, Mel. Please?”

She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted by the kitchen door swinging open and the twins bounding in to brag about their win against their dad. Mike made his way upstairs to shower without a word. Melanie hopped into Melissa’s lap, earning an ‘oof’ from her, and wrapped an arm around her neck. Melissa had always been her favorite person and you were okay with that, after all she was named after her.

“Aunt Mel, wanna go get ice cream with us to celebrate dad’s defeat?” Your daughter played with the bracelets on Melissa’s wrist, waiting for an answer.

“It’s like 10:30, isn’t it a little early for ice cream, Mini Mel,” the redhead laughed and your daughter’s nose scrunched.

“Damn, what happened to you being the cool mom,” Ethan asked as he stole the last slice of her bacon from her plate. “C’mon, I’m buying!”

Melissa’s smile faltered at the word ‘mom’ but she quickly fixed it, “Next time lead with that, kid. Go start the car, I’ll be there in a second.” She dug into her purse and tossed the keys to your son. Ethan beamed and Melanie raced him out the front door, fighting over who got to ride shotgun. Once everyone was out of the room, she directed her attention back to you.

“Just ask, I promise I won’t hurt you again. I wanna grow old with you and sit in recliners complaining about the price of eggs and milk. I want to spend the rest of my life in your arms. Please, baby.”

She sighed and screwed her eyes shut. You only called her baby when you were drunk. Hearing it come from your sober lips caused her heart to ache. She wanted it, a future with you, with her whole being. “You can’t drop everything for me, Y/N.”

“You’ve dropped everything for me our whole lives, it’s my turn. I’ll go anywhere, do anything, as long as it’s with you. I’m sorry it’s taken me thirty years to get here, but I’m here if you’ll have me. I’d get on my knees to beg, but I’m afraid I’d need you to pick me up.”

Melissa fought tears. “I’ll always pick you up when you’re down, hon, you know that.” She rubbed her eyes, fluffed her hair, and took a deep breath. “After Tweedle Dee and Dum eat their weight in ice cream we’ll talk. I want this, but there’s a lot of emotions that I don’t know how to deal with right this second.”

She began to walk away but you caught her elbow and turned her around. “We’ll talk later, but I still need you to ask.”

You looked deep into her eyes, love and longing swimming around in the pools of green. “Y/N, will you runaway with me and be mine for the rest of our days,” she choked out.

“Only if you promise to always be mine in return,” you teased.

“As if I’ve ever been anyone else’s.” She rolled her eyes and smiled gently.

You kissed her deeply, letting her know how much you truly loved her. Melissa’s hand tangled in your hair, holding you in place. Your whole body burned for her, just as hers did for you. She was the first to release from the kiss and you pouted at the loss of contact. She started walking backwards towards the door to join the twins, a grin on her face so wide you could see all of her pearly whites.

“Forever starts soon, better start packin’ doll.”

You bit your lip and waved as she turned around to leave, muttering an ‘I love you, be safe’ after you heard your kids yell for Melissa to hurry up. Before she was completely out the door she turned her head over her shoulder, “I love you, too. Always have, always will.”

[moonsanoverthinker]

Some more TMA headcanons because I’ve thought of some more. Also apologies if this list is a little more chaotic than the other one x (Here’s the first list I make incase anyone’s interested)

Also if people have their own that they’d want to add feel free to because I love reading other people’s x

There’s probably going to be some spoilers for but I’ve tried to keep it as broad as possible :) x

Tim used to steal Jon’s pens - Not because he needed them he did it to annoy Jon

Tim once hid a plastic spider in Jon’s desk then pinned it on Martin

Gerry liked to make puns, Gertrude didn’t like Gerry’s puns - Or at least she pretended not too

Peters changed the locks multiple times but Elias just keeps finding his was back in

Georgie has that really nice kind of swoopy writing - I kind of feel Sasha did as well

Distortion Micheal likes the animated Alice in Wonderland film - Can’t think why… (If I had any artistic talent I’d draw him as the Cheshire Cat but I sadly I don’t have any)

Melanie used to make loom band bracelets - She never gave them to anyone but she’d use specific colours with specific people in mind

Elias likes to shout peoples names then not answer them when they shouted back asking what he wanted

Jon owns a few packs of some nice playing cards (Like the ones with cool pictures and stuff) but no one’s allowed to use them - He let Tim use them once but after he slightly bent the corner of one they became off limits to them all

Jon drinks black coffee because it seems like the mature thing to do

Tim drinks the super sweet coffees because they taste nicer and look pretty

Elias has one of them big spinning office chairs - He’s definitely done the James Bond villain spin

Daisy once told Martin she knew a great place to hide his body - She then proceeded to leave notes around the archives to remind him - Jon would also take the notes down

Not necessarily a headcanon but I just imagine series 5 Jared Hopworth in the garden with a necklace of various body parts and bones

Occasionally Basira would just look out to the fourth wall - I’m imagining it like fleabag style

During their travelling Gerry brought Gertrude a mug from a tourist shop - She kept saying she didn’t like it but once she was back in the archives she would use it all the time

Just Jon wearing some sparkly green nail polish

On the topic of Jon’s nails imagine him with those pointy acrylics - He’d either be in his element or he’d have the same vibe as a dog trying to walk in shoes

Both Micheal and Helen just pinging rubber bands at the backs of peoples head (I’ve got no real explanation for why they do it but then again neither have they)

Jon appreciates badgers - He got a little desk calendar with different pictures of them every month

When Martin was staying in the institute Jon gave him a blanket. He took the blanket with him when he started living at home again and started using it

Tim kept every card Sasha ever gave him

Sasha has a little pot of fake flowers on her desk

Jon pretends to he surprised every time Martin gives him a present - Especially if it’s an out of the blue ‘I saw this and thought of you’ present

Sasha and Tim went ice skating together one Christmas - They claimed it was as friends but Tim did give her flowers

Also some random side notes - Slight spoilers for series 4/5

Listened to 170 and immediately started crying at the end / The descriptions in 172 made me feel physically ill as someone who really doesn’t like spiders / Also I saw a thing on TikTok where someone took Gerry asking to be called Gerry and paired it with I Bet On Losing Dogs by Mitski and it was more upsetting than I was expecting xx

[fiuworks]

timsasha au mind explosion emoji

SEASON 3-4-5 SPOILERS BELOW i mean it

erm anyway welcome to my au where timsasha survive season 3 somehow ive been thinking about it (im 100% sure people have done this before this is just me thinking about it) just some tidbits about it before i sleep:

tim survives the explosion but endures horrible burn scarring all over his body and has to have a leg amputated due to the extent of his injuries

daisy still goes huntpilled coffinmaxxing

the biggest thing i think about with this is that not!sasha was trapped in the tunnels by leitner until 158, but in this scenario ummmm. i dont know really? my working idea is that not!sasha is destroyed but the kind of entity that is not!them is still in the tunnels and sasha as her own person is exhumed from the destruction of her doppelganger and returned to the archives and this way the not!them can still attack everyone in 158

it also lends to a bit more emotional weight if sasha is in the archives when peter unleashes not!them and while distracted with the others she can have a bit of a cathartic whomp on the not!them for ruining her life and the lives of the people she cares about but really im spitballing here

both tim and sasha are helpless to martin's descent into the lonely because tim is in recovery for a while, sasha is in a coma for a week or so (LIKE A NORMAL PERSON) post restoration and is in the hospital for a little longer than that and is mostly occupied with helping tim in his physical recovery and while doing that sasha can't reach martin at work other than a curt few sentences and when tim is back with her neither can he (they both don't know about martin's mothers passing as well)

timsasha rekindle their romance because i want it to happen

tim and sasha i feel would try to reach out to basira and melanie and georgie but i just know that would go nowhere and it becomes frustrating for everyone involved

when jon returns i think they'd try to unionise with him to get answers out of martin but that would not work and it just splinters the archives further

unfortunately i dont think anything they could/would do changes anything as s4 ends and the Change starts

tim is trapped in the not!them's domain and taunted with the trauma of his past and is slowly losing himself and his self-identity, sasha is originally trapped there too, but in a kind of jonmartin-esque uno reverse situation she manages to regain herself in the not!them's domain and can wrangle tim from his stupor and she tries to kill and fight not!them by herself but when jmart roll up there jon eviscerates not!them as planned and the core archives gang are reunited because i like having fun here

they do split up as jmart go on their little apocalyptic couples councelling sessions and travel toward london but they probably don't bump into basira

they might meet up with the what the girlfreinds cult and just check in with them but for the most part i think they're just trying to Survive

they do join everyone at the end and do survive

thats it really if you hate anything i just said im just a guy and my braincells are doing all sorts of gymnastics to make sure my ship stays winning so i mean whatever i love them im still workshopping this as i brainrot about it im writing this at 3am so just stay with me here really

[princesspastel8]

Chapter 71

Third POV

Something within Jeff feels off. Sure, he rarely gets this dangerously drunk - but even so, he still has control over his strength. He never feels this sluggish, this feverish. He feels someone's weight against them, the smell of blood & sugary perfume making him gag. He feels them invading his mouth, touching him in places that would earn someone ,other than Eboni, to lose their fingers.

He knows this isn't Eboni. She'd never wear perfume this sugary. She's a fan of fruity, flowery scents like strawberries or lilacs - not cotton candy or vanilla. In fact, those are her two most hated scents. It always makes her gag. So...if this person isn't Eboni, then who the hell is it?

He blinks his eyes, trying to fight the heaviness of his eyelids & dizziness of his sight. Jeff needs to see, he needs to see who'll be getting a knife sliced across their throats. But he can't. So he tries to shove them off, his arms feeling like jello. No....there's no way someone was stupid enough to spike his drink.

Not only would they be in a world of hell the next day, but Slenderman would kill them on the spot. Drugging other proxies is strictly prohibited. So once he feels their soft yet icy hands travel up his hoodie, his jumbled mind is able to piece together who is behind this.

"N...Nina?" He slurs.

"You finally noticed me, Jeff. Aahhh, this feels nice, right? My hands all over you..."

Jeff chuckles, his words still slurring. "Sh...she'll...end your pa..path..pathetic life.."

Her face drops, making her dig her nails into his side- drawing a bit of blood. "I'm faster, smarter, and prettier than her. You know I'm better for you than she is!"

"Ugh... you smell s-so...gross... gonna barf." He mumbles, gagging in between his words.

Nina gasp, leaning up to bite his neck harshly - drawing blood. "I do not! I smell better than her, too!"

Jeff doesn't respond, still trying to pry this obsessed girl off of him. He feels so disgusting. The only woman allowed to touch him like this is Eboni. He's not even hard. Maybe it's the drugs in his system, or the overwhelming alcohol in his system, or even the profuse of sugary scent - either way, his body is fully rejecting Nina.

And that hurts her. Even in his drugged out state, she'd still have to force him to accpet her. She licks the blood from his neck, savoring this taste & closeness that is Jeff the killer. Why can't he just choose the better option?

"I know you, Jeff. I know everything about you. I know your background. I gave up everything just for you to notice me! So please...just please say you love me..." she begs, tears filling her eyes. She's losing her edge to continue taking advantage of him in this state.

The male grins, body fully slumped against the wall. He opens his eyes, sapphire pupils dilating. "Th..the only person...I give...t..two shits about is E...Eboni Brown.....my girl."

It's then that Eboni storms over, yanking Nina off and punching her straight in the nose. Nina was about to swing, but Kate grabs her- holding her back. Jeff still can't fully register what just happened. He blinks a few times, the sweet scent of strawberries filling his nose. He hums, leaning forward onto Eboni.

"I'm..s...sor..sorry..." he whispers, hoping she wouldn't blame this on him.

Eboni is shaking with so much rage. Not only is the music & flashing lights triggering her, but seeing her partner drugged out of his mind is pushing her over the edge. But the sight of his lopsided grin is enough to calm her nerves.

"Don't... I know it isn't your fault." She whispers to him, glaring at the lipstick smudges all over his face.

Her eyes snap over to Nina, who is shouting many curses at the girl. Most of the party goers turn their attention to the commotion, BEN going as far as to take out his phone to record it. Eboni pushes Jeff gently against the wall to help balance him out. She turns her attention to Nina, placing a hand on her hip.

"Wow....you got so desperate that you went as far as to drug him. Seriously? You honestly thought after you had your way with him that he'll magically fall for you? Sorry not sorry, but your pussy isn't all that special."

A few proxies struggle to hold back their laughs while others don't bother, laughing loudly. Nina tries to pull herself away from Kate, but the masked killer is overpowering her.

"Yes! Yes, it's supposed to go that way! I gave my life up for him first! I did whatever I could to make him fall for me! Then you come out of nowhere and he suddenly loves you!? That's not fair! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

Eboni pitches the bridge of her nose, letting a breathy laugh slip. "Damn, you're coo coo for coco puffs. Clearly, you don't know Jeff well enough to devote your life to hi-

"Yes, I do! I know everything about Jeff! His birthday, his favorite food, his favorite drink! I KNOW EVERYTHING!"

"Girl, that's literally just the basics. Anyone can find out his birthday through a google search. He's been at this mansion for years now. Of course, a few of you would figure out what he likes to eat and drink. But he's the kicker, you know nothing about his personal life."

"Yes I do you bitch!" Nina argues.

"Really now? Alright then, how did he get those scars on his face?"

"He did those himself after being lit on fire!"

"Lit on fire...by who?"

"Spencer and his group of bullies! They cornered him at the party and poured bleach on him, then set him on fire!" Nina states matter of factly.

No one truly knows Jeff's origin. He kept any and all things personal from everyone. Slenderman was the only one who knew the truth, but then Eboni came along. In his eyes, she's worthy enough to know why he became this version of Jeffery Mason. Eboni shakes her head, glancing back at Jeff. EJ had given him a glass of water and two pills to help drown out the drugs in his system. The smiling killer looks at his girl, nodding his head- giving her the say so to spill the beans.

"....did you happen to read Jeff's story on some random subreddit?"

Nina tenses, eyes widening. "... it wasn't a random subreddit!"

"Right right, sure - I read that story, too. Interesting read if you ask me, but there were too many plot holes in that story. I knew it wasn't real. So, instead of believing the first thing I read, I did a bit of digging. I'm no hacker, but I found a few more details about Jeff the Killer. Did you know he was locked away in a mental institution? The same one as Toby, in fact. Did you know there was never a party? No, the party would've just been him with his little brother and a bit of Jack Daniel's. But Jeff was jumped by gang members that he stole from. What was stolen, a knife since his was taken by the principal. Also, Jeff's skin has always been this ghostly. Why? He has albanism. I'm sure you're smart enough to at least know what that is. If not- you know how to function google. Jeff DID NOT carve his own face. Jeff WAS NOT set on fire by Spencer, but by the same gang member that craved his face - and it wasn't bleach that he used. It was the alcohol Jeff had on him. Also... I should point out that Jeff doesn't have blue eyes - clearly, you know that. And he has his eyelids."

Nina is taken aback by this information as well as all of the proxies, including BEN & EJ. "N...no...that's not true! None of that was online!"

"No shit. The town kept all trances of Jeff strictly classified. The only information I came across besides that subreddit was information on his time at the mental institution. Everything else, he told me. He trusts me. So not only did you fuck up your face over a fake origin story, but you also threw your perfect life out the window." Eboni grins, walking closer to Nina.

"No..N-No my life was hell! I hated it!"

"Be-fucking-for real Nina. I did a bit of research on you as well. Nina Hopkins, a girl with a bright future destroyed by an obsession over the notorious serial killer, Jeff the killer. Nina had loving friends, popular at school, a loving family with two actively involved parents and a cute little brother. But suddenly, all of that changed after a few years of Jeff's debut. You still loved your life, your friends, and your family- but your obsession was stronger. So you finally decided to only love Jeff, to look like Jeff - to be like Jeff - to become Jeff. So you read that subreddit one more time. You destroyed your face, rushed to the hospital, and returned home afterward to finish the job. Then you killed your family and went on to kill your closest friends. How did detectives figure out your motives? The only tab left open on your internet browser was that wack ass subreddit. So Nina, still think Jeff could fall for a gullible, naive, waste of space like you?"

Nina, at this point, is a sobbing mess, cheeks red from embarrassment. None knew Nina's story, either, only her weird obsession for Jeff. The only two that knew Nina's story were Jane & Clockwork. Those two have been in the background, watching this whole time. They both share a look and move closer to be near Nina to comfort her.

"You never stood a chance. What were you saying before? That you're prettier than me? Better than me? The delusion is so deep with you, huh? Also, I should point out that the one thing I have that you never will is -" Eboni motions to her skin littered in white splotches that Jeff always found unique & alluring, "a little melanin."

Nina shakes her head, falling to her knees as she looks at Jeff - crawling towards him. "Please...Jeff please...j-just be with me! Love me!"

Eboni rolls her eyes, moving in front of Jeff. "Such a pick me girl." She laughs, moving onto her knees and pressing her cheek against Jeff's crotch. "Do I need to suck him off in front of you for you to finally get it? Do you need to hear him moan my name while fucking my mouth raw for you to understand? Do you need to witness him cumming down my throat for it to become clear to you that Jeff is mine? He wouldn't mind putting on a show for not only you, but everyone here." Eboni looks up at the killer with doe eyes & a playful pout. "Right daddy?"

Jeff instantly gets hard. The pills EJ gave him kicking in - and the water sobering him up just a bit. He grips her hair, pulling her in closer to his boner. "Hell yeah, princess."

Jane & Clocker reach Nina, picking up the girl and drags her away- glaring daggers at the two. Eboni and Jeff only grin in return. There is nothing better than mentally destroying someone. A beating just wouldn't be enough with Nina. She'd enjoy it for the soul fact Eboni would be sent back to the white room. Unfortunately for Nina, Eboni knew better than to unleash her rage like she did with Taylor.

Eboni & Jeff are now in their own world, Jeff undoing his zipper and about to whip it out- but Kate quickly steps in. "Take those indecent actions to a more private location. The events of tonight will be reported to Slenderman. Nina will be punished for her actions. So leave."

Jeff scoffs, about to tell Kate off, but Eboni stands- grabbing his hand and dragging him away. Eboni carefully drags Jeff up the stores to his room. She opens the door, smile dog still downstairs with Sally & Laughing Jack. She pulls him in, closing the door, and locks it behind herself. Eboni gently pushes Jeff against his bedroom door, showering him in kisses.

"Damn princess...you destroyed that bitch..."

"Mhm, she won't bother us anymore, I'm sure of it." She grins, dropping to her knees again.

"A..Are you..sure you wanna -"

"I've been aching for a taste....please Jeff." She begs, looking up at him with hopeful eyes.

The smiling killer chuckles, grabbing the back of her head, and forces her forward. "That punishment...really fucked with you huh?"

Eboni answers by undoing the rest of his zipper with her teeth and pulls his boxers down just enough for his length to slap her on her cheek. Eboni raises her hand to try and wrap around his shaft, but Jeff stops her, looking down at her with that same lopsided smirk as before.

"No hands. Show just how much you've been aching for this. If I see your hands anywhere else but on your lap or my thighs, I'm punishing you again. Understand princess?"

"Yes, Daddy..." she whispers breathlessly.

"Good girl, now get to work. It ain't gonna suck itself."

Eboni waste no time taking in as much of his length into her mouth as she can. Jeff's breathing hitches, his smile stretching. "Oh come on, princess, you can do better than that - ooohhhhh fuck~ there you gooo!" He moans loudly after shoving her head further down his shaft.

The girl gags, eyes beginning to water as he continues to slame his tip at the back of her throat. The feeling of her throat constructing with each gag sends the killer into a groaning, slurring mess of words.

"Yeah...oh fuck yes~ shit Eboni...keep working that tongue. You're doing soooo good!"

Eboni would rub her tongue against his urethral opening & the scrotum in between his rough thrusts. A few times, Jeff would yank her hair back, forcing her to only focus on his tip and making her lick against the bulging veins aligning his shaft. The image of her drool slipping down her chin, the rosy tent along her cheeks, the high look in her eyes when he'd shove himself down her throat, the moans and whines slipping her lips when he'd pull himself out completely. All of these factors are bringing him further and further towards the edge.

He heaves, chest rising and falling rapidly. "Gonna....oh fuck you're gonna make me cum- that's what you want huh? Poor little kitty's been dying for a drink."

Eboni response with a long moan, sticking her tongue out for snick a lick of his scrotum - hollowing out her cheeks. The sudden vibrations from her moan, the tightness of her throat, and the lick to his balls to enough to make him crumble against his door- using both hands to keep her head still as he fills her mouth with his release.

"Swallow it! Take it all... yeah, drink it down - fuuuuuuuuuck! Eboni~"

Eboni drinks every last drop, still sucking whatever may be left out of him. Jeff shudders, quickly pulling her away once he feels her sucking to aggressively. He yanks her up by her hair, forcing her mouth open. He grins, catching a bit of cum rolling down her chin with his fingers- forcing them in her mouth.

"That was so good, princess. You did so fucking good. Now, let's start a party of our o-"

Jeff pauses, pulls his fingers out, and covers his mouth. He sidesteps Eboni, rushing to his bathroom as best as he can - trying not to stumble. He forces the door open and drops in front of the toilet. He lifts the sit and vomits.

Eboni shakes herself out of her dickmatized state and rushes to his aid. She pulls his hair back, rubbing soothing circles against his back. He lifts his head up to speak but throws it down to puke some more. Once he feels everything came up, he slowly lifts his head, looking at his girl.

"....what a way to kill the mood..huh?"

Eboni shakes her head, helping him stand. She lowers the toilet sit & lid, flushing the contents down. "No....I got what I wanted. So how about a shower and... some mouth wash." She giggles.

Jeff hums, stumbling to his sink and brushes his teeth as best as he can while Eboni prepares a bath, thinking it'll be safer than a shower. Once both are naked, they step into the tub, Jeff in the middle and laying against Eboni. She showers him with gentle kisses while gently washing him. Jeff offers to do that same, but she refuses due to his still drunken state. Once clean, they step out, Eboni drying Jeff off then herself. She guides him to his bed, helping him in some boxers. She dresses in one of his t-shirts and climbs into bed with him after quickly brushing her teeth.

Jeff moves to once again lay his head against Eboni's chest, quickly slipping into slumber thanks to the feeling of Eboni massaging his scalp. This is where Jeff believes he belongs. Nina never stood a chance against Eboni.

This is Jeff's safe place, his home. Right in Eboni's arms.

[lizzieicecreamqueen]

Gravity falls character & Taylor Swift songs (mostly sad) :>

* Disclaimer: Lots of the songs have a romantic background but that doesn't mean that I ship the characters. There are some family ones and I'm obviously not a proshipper. Please have that in mind and don't take this too seriously, it's just for fun! Headcanons ahead :)

1. The Great War - Mabel to Stan

- It turned into something bigger, somewhere in the haze, got a sense I'd been betrayed. / Learning about his past

- We can plant a memory garden. Say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair. / Post weirmaggedon

2. Guilty As Sin - Ford about Bill

- This cage was once just fine, am I allowed to cry? / Meeting him again after returning to gravity falls

- Crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox. I'm seeing visions, am I bad? Or mad? Or wise?

- I keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault

- What if he's written 'mine' on my upper thigh only in my mind?

3. The Tortured Poets Department - Mabel to Dipper

- But you're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road.

- Who else decodes you?

- You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith, this ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we're modern idiots. / (Imagine this as "You're not Stanford Pines, I'm not Stanley either, we aren't the mystery twins, we're modern idiots")

4. You're On Your Own, Kid - Stan about his life

- I wait patiently, he's gonna notice me / about Filbrick

- I didn't choose this town, I dream of getting out. There's just one who could make me stay all my days / about Stanford

- I see the great scape, so long, Daisy May / When running away

- I gave my blood, sweat and tears for this / re-opening the portal

- Your on your own, kid, you always have been

5. The Prophecy - Pacifica about her life

- I got cursed like Eve got bitten, oh, was it punishment?

- Don't want money, just someone who wants my company.

- Who do I have to speak to about if they cab redo the prophecy?

- And I sound like an infant, feeling like the very last drops of an ink pen.

6. The Archer - Wendy about herself

- Combat, I'm ready for combat. I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

- I jump from the train, I ride off alone.

- And all of my heroes died all alone, help me hold onto you. / about her mum

- They see right through, can you see right through me?

7. Dear Reader - Stan & Ford to Mabel & Dipper

- If it feels like a trap, you're alredy in one

- Bend when you can, snap when you have to

- You don't have to answer, just cause they asked you

- When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss

- You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking

- No one sees when you lose, when you're playing solitaire

8. Stay Stay Stay - Soos to Melany

- I was expecting some dramatic turn away, but you stayed

- I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time, you think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad

-You took the time to memorize me, my fears, my hopes and dreams, I just like hanging out with you all the time

-It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with for my whole life

9. When Emma Falls In Love - Dipper about Mabel

- And all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had a chance to love her

- When Emma falls in love it's all in her face, hangs in the air like stars in outer space

- When Emma falls apart it's When she's alone, she takes on the pain and bears it on her own

- Cause when Emma falls in love she's in it for keeps, she won't walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave

10. Happines - Fiddleford *aka Old Man Mcgucket* about Ford

- And in the disbelief I can't face reinvention

- Haunted by the look in my eyes that would've loved you for a lifetime, leave it all behind, and there is happiness

- Tell me when did your winning smile became to look like a smirk? When did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointing at my deepest hurt?

- There is happines in our history, across our great divide there is a glorious sunrise

- I can't make it go away by making you a villain, I guess it's the price I pay for seven years in heaven / Fiddleford realising about everything after leaving

- No one teaches you what to do when a good man hurts you, and you know you hurt him too.

11. The Story Of Us - Gideon about Mabel

- I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us, How we met and Sparks flew instantly.

- Oh, a simple complication, miscommunications lead to fall out / how Gideon would say things ended

- I don't know what to say since the twist of fate when it all broke down, and the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

- I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us, how I was losing my mind when I saw you here / Gideon's pov when they re-met at weirdmaggedon

- Oh, I'm scared to see the ending

- The battle's in your hands now but I would lay my armor down if you'd say you'd rather love than fight

12. Long Live - ♡♡♡

- The night you danced like you knew our lives would never be the same / Mabel to Stan and Dipper about the scary-oke episode

- You held your head like a hero on a history book page. It was the end of a decade but the start of an age / Ford to Stan after learning all Stan went through after being kicked out

- Long Live the walls we crashed through, all the kingdom lights shine just for me and you / Blubs to Durland

- And bring on all the pretenders, one day we will be remembered / Stan to Soos

- I said "remember this feeling", I passed the pictures around / Mabel about helping Stan to get his memories back

- And the cynics were outraged screaming "this is absurd" cause for a moment a band of thieves in ripped up jeans got to rule the world / Stan & Ford after beating the sibling brothers (lost legends comics)

- I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you / Dipper to Mabel, Wendy, Soos, Stan, Ford, Grenda, Candy

- I was screaming "long live that look on your face" / Mabel & Candy to Grenda when she successfully flirted with that prince from Austria

- Will you take a moment? Promise me this, that you'll stand by me forever / Thomson to Wendy, Robbie, Lee, Nate and Tambry

- If you have children someday when they point to the picture, please tell them my name. Tell them how the cross went wild, tell them how I hope they shine / Fiddleford to Tate

- And I was screaming, "Long live all the magic we made", and bring on all the pretenders, I'm not afraid / Soos telling Melany his adventures after becoming Mr. Mystery

- I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you / Pacifica admitting she had fun mystery haunting to Dipper

- One day, we will be remembered / Ford & Stan to each other while leaving gravity falls

[authorscurse]

LOVE LEAVES SCARS: INTRODUCTION

Synopsis: In which! Due to a letter calling her to go back to Texas Verity Rosewood goes back to the place she spent years trying to forget. While she is there, she tries to reconnect with the people she left. Her family, friends, and especially the person she loved most.

[L.L.S Masterlist] [M. Masterlist] [G.H Masterlist]

Case file #1:

[Name]: Verity Rosewood

[Nickname(s)]: Veri

[Age]: 20

[Date of birth]: August 22, 2000

[Gender]: Female

[Sexuality]: Bisexual

[Eye color]: Brown eyes

[Hair color]: auburn

[Height]: 5'6

[Playlist]: Top of my school 【Katherine Lynn-Rose】 Pov 【Ariana Grande】 You're on your own kid 【Taylor Swift】 Brutal 【Olivia Rodrigo】 Little Miss Perfect 【Write out loud】Lose you to love me 【Selena Gomez】 All I want 【Olivia Rodrigo】 Dollhouse 【Melanie Martinez】 Be myself 【Why don't we】 I wanna be yours 【Arctic Monkeys】 Consequences【Camila Cabello】 Mess it up 【Gracie Abrams】 Control 【Halsey】 Elastic Heart【Sia】Applause 【Lady Gaga】 Thumbs 【Sabrina Carpenter】 In my mind 【Lyn Lapid】 Happier than Ever 【Billie Eilish】 Not strong enough【Boy genius】 If Only 【Dove Cameron】

Case File #2

[Name]: Grayson Hawthorne

[Nickname(s)]: Gray

[Age]: 19

[Date of birth]: August 23, 2001

[Gender]: Male

[Sexuality]: heterosexual

[Eye color]: pale gray

[Hair color]: blonde

[Height]: 6'0

[Playlist]: Looking at me【sabrina carpenter】Can I be him【James Arthur】Labyrinth 【Taylor Swift】Daddy Issues【The neighborhood】Ador You【Harry Styles】If I killed someone for you【Alec Benjamin】Man of the House【Marilyn Hucek】Money, Power, Glory【Lana Del Ray】I bet in losing dogs【Mitski】Angels like you【Miley Cyrus】Surface pressure【Jessica Darrow】People Watching【Conan Gray】I ain't perfect【IV of spades】Mistakes like this【Prelow】Mirror ball【Taylor Swift】Favorite crime【Olivia rodrigo】Feelin good【Michael Bublé] Lay all your love on me【ABBA】All of the girls you've loved before【Taylor Swift】Set fire to the rain【Adele】

Verity Rosewood

—The one who absquatulated

"I never wanted to leave, but I had to. For me."

Being the heir of the Rosewood family, Verity has been training and learning how to manage her family's company even at such a young age. She went to different kinds of classes, may it be public speaking classes, business management, dance classes, and many more. She had to be different, to be perfect. The pressure of being the best and perfect heir was exhausting, but she had her friends, right? The Hawthorne brothers have helped her cope with all the pressure and stress her family and everyone else pressed on her. She thought she could handle it, but everyone had their breaking points.

Grayson Hawthorne

—The Heir Apparent

"And that made me hate you even more."

Grayson had been considered as the "Heir apparent" of the family for as long as he remembered. As a Hawthorne, he was taught many things, and that included never showing emotion. He had to learn how to not cry or show signs of weakness. Being one of the oldest siblings didn't help with that at all. In fact, it just added even more pressure on him. Having to be the older and more responsible brother out of the rest. It was difficult. Trying to make yourself look as if you're not broken. He is broken and hurt, yet he makes sure not to show anyone even a second of his true emotions. He was not raised to be like that.

Verity + Grayson

—The never ending story

"In this toxic and suffocating world, we had each other."

The friendship of the Rosewood and the Hawthorne family has lasted for years now. So Verity being friends with the Hawthorne grandchildren was no such mystery. The group was always seen together during classes, tea time, playing outside on the grounds, or even skipping classes together. They were inseparable, but there were 2 children in the friend group that were much closer with each other than the rest; Verity and Grayson. The two consider each other as their safe places, the person who brings comfort to each other. Due to the pressure of their families, both of them really understood each other and considered one another as the place that they could bring down their walls and become their true selves. They felt safe, comforted, and peaceful in the presence of each other. Because for once, they felt as if they had one place they didn't have to pretend as if they're perfect.

[Playlist]: Back to December【Taylor Swift】Play date【Melanie Martinez】Tattoos forever【lauv】Love song【Why don't we】Make you mine【Public】Somebody to you【The Vamps】You and I 【One direction】That way【Tate McRae】Runaway【Aurora】If the world was ending【JP Saxe, Julia Michaels】Your name hurts【Hailee Steinfeld】Why's you only call me when you're high【Arctic Monkeys】Talk too much【Coin】Overdrive【Conan Gray】The one that got away【Katy Perry】House of memories【Panic! At the disco】Back to you【Selena Gomez】Midnight Memories【One direction】Still the one【One direction】Lover【Taylor Swift】The way I love you【Taylor Swift】Favorite crime【Olivia Rodrigo】I love you so【The walters】WYD now 【Sadie Jean】Somewhere only we know【Keane】Afterglow【Taylor Swift】Kiss it better【Rihanna】Kidult【Seventeen】No one can fix me【Frawley】Fall for you【Sarah Kang, Jesse Berrera】Remember that night【Sara Kays】

[thatoneguyletoturnedintoafrog]

just finished season three of The Magnus Archives and I am Losing My Mind 💚

some thoughts:

-So Much Happened this season ??????? like we start with Jon living with Georgie and everyone else trying to solve Leitner's murder and we end with The Unknowing and an explosion

-Jon got kidnapped twice, set on fire, choked multiple times, almost shot ? and more my man is STRUGGLING

-TIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM AAUUUUUAGGAHSHHAH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

-in all seriousness. I am glad that Tim went out in a way that was fitting to his character- he made an unfunny joke and then got to destroy the circus in the most dramatic way possible. and I'm glad that Tim and Jon got a bit of closure, even if it wasn't complete or neat. but that's life, I suppose- oftentimes we don't get the closure we truly desire. but still, I'm really going to miss Tim, and I'm especially going to miss his season 1 self :(

-now I see why people say they miss the season one cast... My sillies are dying at an alarming rate

-Martin is Not Doing Well and i have a very strong feeling that this is going to continue

-the fact that Basira and Melanie's gossiping about Jon recorded and Jon listened to it later 😭 I could SEE him turning red when he mentioned "office gossip" in MAG 117

-ALSO! Canon ace Jon !!!! YIPPEEE

-Elias... got arrested ? ? I think it's cool that Martin was able to surprise him mainly because Elias had taken to underestimating him

-um hi Peter Lukas ? I love how he not-so-subtly tells Martin to find a therapist

-I absoluteu love how the women in this podcast are written!! a lot of times in media I feel like people don't really know how to write their women characters as People and instead try to make a one-dimensional "girlboss" that ends up just being a female James Bond without any personality or likability. but! TMA is definitely an exception here. the recurring women (Basira, Daisy, Melanie, and also Georgie, though she's less focused on) are flawed, generally realistic people who are all powerful and also a bit insane in their own ways and it's so refreshing!!!

-BASIRA AND DAISY!!!!!!! I love the snippets that we've gotten of their relationship, and I love how completely they trust each other!

-so. so what happened with Daisy in MAG 119 guys. I don't think that was a normal Murder and Subsequent Disappearance on her part. yk with the. uh the hound sounds and the coffin

-I like how we got more Melanie moments this season!!!

Sigh. this podcast has altered my brain chemistry

[sickly-qt]

Oooh, so good to see you back! How about 42. Sick on an empty stomach for Mila?

This isn't quite based on personal experience but it's... inspired. Since I get nauseous taking meds on a not empty stomach.

This is also a bit longer than a drabble... I hope you don't mind :)

I think it also goes without saying that none of these have been proofread...

~~~

Mila leaned forward and placed her elbows on the table, she put her head in her hands and rubbed her temples. 

“Are you alright?” The other closing barista asked as they walked into the breakroom.

Mila slowly opened her eyes and lifted her head, “Yeah, It’s just a headache. Do you need something?”

“No, I was just making sure you were alright. You look kinda rough, no offense or anything.”

Mila looked at the teenager, her name was Monica or something. 

“I’ll be okay, I took Excedrin a little bit ago. Once it kicks in I’ll be fine.” She sighed and pushed away from the table. It was about time that she started getting ready for close. She should really be teaching Melanie how to close up but she didn’t have the energy to train another teenager who was going to be gone in two weeks. Especially not when she was starting to feel like she was going to lose her meager breakfast of Frosted Flakes that she ate almost 8 hours ago. 

“Is there anything I can do?” Mackenzie asked.

“Uh, yeah. You can take all the stuff out of the pastry case and trash it… or take it home. I don’t really care.” Mila closed her eyes and braced herself against the counter as pain pulsed up the back of her neck into her temple.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Madison asked as she drug the trashcan to the pastry case. 

Mila swallows hard, “No, I’ll be right back.”

She rushed across the lobby to the bathrooms and pushed her way into a stall, not bothered enough to close it behind her. She bent over the toilet gagging harshly, only spit and bile coming up.

“Fuck.” She whispered, before bringing up a mouthful of water and probably the meds she had taken along with it.

Mila wrapped her arm around her stomach and whined when she heard the door open. The last thing she needed was Madeline finding her dry heaving.

“Hey, M. Are you in here?” She heard Remy’s voice and sighed in relief.

“This is the ladies room last time I checked.” She joked, half-heartedly before retching again.

“Margot told me you came in here when I asked how much longer until you guys were done closing up. She said you didn’t look too hot.”

“Huh, her name’s Margot.” 

“What happened love, are you sick?” he asked, pulling her ponytail from over her shoulder and rubbing her back as she continued to dry heave.

“No, my head. I have a headache and I took some Excedrin, I guess it didn’t agree with me.”

“You’re not bringing anything up, M. Have you eaten?”

“Not since breakfast.” Mila flushed the toilet and straightened, turning around to face Remy and leaning her head against his chest. 

“You’re supposed to eat with meds so they don’t make you sick.” He said, wrapping his arms around her.

“I hope Margot didn’t fuck up closing…”

“Eh.” Remy shrugged, “You’re the manager, and I own the building. I think it’ll be okay.”

“Can we go home?”

“Of course love, Let’s go home.”

[scrungle-mcgrungle]

Random song Headcannons for some tma characters

(Note, these are based on what I think their music taste is, kind of what their favorite song is)

Geared Keay - spillways by Ghost~ I think he listens to Ghost religiously. He also likes this song because he can imagine an animatic to it using his ocs/persona (he's an artist in his free time)

Melani King - Losing my mind by Mystery skulls~ She strikes me as either a rave girlie or a animation meme kid no inbetweens (kind of self projecting here because I see a lot of myself in her)

Daisy Tonner - Just drank some bleach by Kesh Kesh~ I imagine Melani showed her this song because she listens to rap but she doesn't listen to rap. Then Daisy fell in love with it because she thought it was hilarious. (Again self projecting on Melani)

Martin Backwood - Karma by AJR~ I'd like to think that Martin doesn't have enough time or he doesn't prefer to listen to much music but one day driving to work he turned on the radio and this was playing and he's been an avid AJR listener since (this was his first song with them and refuses to listen to any other band that is out of their genre)

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

a (not) mini rayla playlist 🪻⚔️🦋🫧💟🔗💤

you're on your own, kid (taylor swift) "you're on your own, kid // you always have been"

exile (taylor swift x bon iver) "you're not my homeland anymore // so what am i defending now? // you were my town // now i'm in exile, seein' you out"

old friend (mitski)

virgin veins (coma cinema) "virgin veins // hold the rushing pain // of a past that cannot die"

bobby (beabadoobee) "despite the love she'd get she dismissed // 'cause Bobby always saw the bad // blind to the life she had // who could've blamed her though? // bobby was fourteen years old"

sad, beautiful, tragic (taylor swift) "in dreams // i meet you in warm conversation // we both wake // in lonely beds // in different cities // and time // is taking its sweet time erasing you // and you've got your demons // and darlin' they all look like me // 'cause we had a beautiful magic love there"

milk of the siren (melanie martinez)

matilda (harry styles) "matilda, you talk of the pain like it's all alright // but i know that you feel like a piece of you's dead insidе // you showed me a power that is strong еnough to bring sun to the darkest days // it's none of my business, but it's just been on my mind ... anywhere you go, you don't need a reason // 'cause they never showed you love // you don't have to be sorry for doin' it on your own"

thorns (alex g)

homesick (boywithuke)

revenge (xxxtentacion) "i've dug two graves for us, my dear // can't pretend that i was perfect, leavin' you in fear // oh man, what a world, the things i hear // if i could act on my revenge, then, oh, would i?"

after the storm (kali uchis) "so if you need a hero (if you need a hero) // just look in the mirror (just look in the mirror) // no one's gonna save you now // so you better save yourself"

i'm your man (mitski)

sweet hibiscus tea (penelope scott)

little lion man (mumford & sons) "but it was not your fault but mine // and it was your heart on the line // i really fucked it up this time // didn't i, my dear?"

break (alex g)

take your time (chloe moriondo) "what do i have to do? // i wanna know // what will it take to make you let me go? // you don't fade like old stick and pokes // just swimming through my mind // i'll take a break, you take your time"

summer child (conan gray) "and you laugh and you dance in the wind // and you sway and you hug and you kiss // but there's darkness behind those eyes // even when you smile // oh, summer child // you don't have to act like all you feel is mild"

backstabber (keha)

duvet (bôa) "and you know i don't mean to hurt you // but you know that it means so much // and you don't even feel a thing // i am falling, i am fading, i am drowning // help me to breathe // i am hurting, i have lost it all // i am losing // help me to breathe"

see you again (tyler, the creator x kali uchis)

i was an island (john-allison weiss) "i was a fighter and i was so brave // but i lowered my sword when you held me and swore // you'd stay, stay, stay // i can't do this alone anymore // 'cause i'm no good on my own anymore // what did i do to deserve this? // what did you do to me? // baby, come back // you know i don't want to be free"

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Static - a Magnus Archives AU

In the aftermath of Mike's well-meaning attack, Jon tries (again) to resume a normal life.

Thoughts of Basira get in the way.

And then, so does Jonah Magnus.

Another one.

Part of the Magnus Monsterverse.

AO3

---------------

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Martin said, holding me tight.

He didn’t say it to me. He said it to our resident sociopath, who stood by the door looking slightly guiltily over the fact that he didn’t feel slightly guilty, and shrugged. “Well, we had to be sure, didn’t we?” said Mike. “It wasn’t personal.”

“It was very personal!” Martin snapped, because once he got angry, he didn’t come back down for a while.

Was I all right? Was I not all right? I had no idea. I hadn’t parsed it all yet, but whether I was fine or not, I didn’t want to damage what Martin had built. “It… it’s fine. I understand,” I said into his shoulder, hoping to calm the waves.

Instead, it seemed I’d agitated them. “You’re not doing that again,” said Martin.

“What? Doing what?”

“And I’m not letting it happen, either. This isn’t like before! This isn’t someone getting scared and then treating you like… like garbage! I’m not letting it happen again!”

“Eh?” said Mike pleasantly. “‘Fraid you’ve lost me on this one.”

Martin hadn’t lost me. I suddenly knew what this had triggered.

#

After Jonah went to jail.

After I survived a coma.

When no one would talk to me beyond graphic and completely unwonted threats, and I’d lost Tim and I’d almost lost Martin, and everyone said everything was my fault, even if I hadn’t even known those things were happening.

I wasn’t even being allowed to grieve my friend because we were still in a state of emergency.

I’d never felt so alone. So hated. And it was for things I couldn’t control, so there was no way to fix them.

So I’d tried to resume my human patterns—and that meant continuing to do the same things I did when everyone saw me as human.

And what had I been doing before? Interviewing people, tracking them down, and taking statements.

We had all done that before. Even Martin. Daisy and I had even forced one at gunpoint, and Basira loved that.

The Institute took statements. That’s literally what they did. And whenever I read or heard one, if the statement-giver were still alive, I entered their dreams—not the outcome I wanted, but an unavoidable side-effect.

It didn’t matter if they were old statements. The result was the same. Basira grabbing old ones did nothing to preserve the statement-givers, so what was the issue here?

Well. Now, I knew that for Basira, it had been her absolute terror that I’d take a statement from her.

She’d never truly given a damn about the people I’d hurt. She’d never given a damn about the people Daisy murdered. She’d never cared about the “someone” Melanie killed, or about the people Lukas had given to the Lonely.

Daisy had even run around murdering people on Jonah’s command while Basira was hostage, and Basira had been fine with that.

She hadn’t given a flying rip how Martin was suffering because trying to interfere with that would have put her on Lukas’ radar—and she didn’t want to get disappeared like Ted and Rebecca from accounting. So, cowardly, she just… ignored the fact that Martin was being gods-damned eaten. It was easier.

If she had actually had a problem with monsters, she wouldn’t have gone repeatedly to Jonah in prison.

To the man whom she knew had damaged Melanie’s mind.

To the man whom she knew had given the Institute to Lukas, losing more innocents.

She went to him anyway, because she wasn’t afraid of his brand of mental power. She knew Jonah was dangerous, but fully believed she could handle him, and nothing he could plant in her head would hurt her.

She was arrogant, as well as cowardly.

Ah, but with me… With me, she felt exposed, all her lies on display. I might see through her nonsense. I might see through her bold claims of magical logic and moral high ground. I scared her—but to admit that I did would be to admit her failings.

And she liked to pretend she had none, didn’t she? She liked the respect that came from being police, and later from being the one who could pass judgment on all us monsters. She liked being the one person “in charge” in the Institute who hadn’t traded her humanity away and so could lord it over all of us.

It wasn’t true. She’d traded hers away years ago, and she feared I would see through all that to the heart of her unbelievable hypocrisy. The thing was, my abilities may have scared her, but she damn well knew I was not going to hit back when she bullied me. That was why I—in the middle of all that craziness—was the ONE person who received her ire.

That was why she had no trouble traveling with me to Ny-Ålesund. That was why she had no trouble letting me take a live statement right in front of her face, because that one was convenient for her, and she knew by that point that she could control me.

By complete contrast, Martin cared I was taking statements because I was taking them from the unwilling, which I had not considered at the time—and he was right.  That was why I’d had to stop. He just… hadn’t stuck around to verbalize that, so I didn’t understand. 

I didn’t know why, then, I was everyone’s most-hated man for surviving an explosion. For losing my friend. For doing what I’d had to do to stay sane.

I understood it all now. This had to happen. If I had not been isolated the way I was, not been emotionally abused the way I was, I would not have been fragile enough to complete the Web’s plan for me.

But the Mother miscalculated when she allowed Martin to die. The thought had been that once he died, I would break, and be led like a foolish lamb to do what She wanted.

Instead, I finally and at last truly became a monster.

#

But it seemed I hadn’t been the only person tumbling these things in my head, grimacing at their sourness.

“Jon! Jon!”

Ah… I’d drifted. Or maybe more than drifted.

I was on the floor with no memory of going down, and Martin was—

Martin was over me, cradling my head, dripping tears into my face.

What had I done? 

“Jon, please wake up, Jon,” Martin was saying.

Which is now I knew I wasn’t looking at him with my two human eyes. I opened them.

“Oh, thank God,” Martin hitched.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, because it was briefly hard to talk again, because my throat wouldn’t work right. I remembered how to reach up and touch his cheek. “Please don’t cry. Martin, don’t cry.”

He cupped my hand against his face and laughed wetly. “Oh, you idiot,” he said, and clutched me to himself.

To my amazement, Mike had not left. He still stood by the door, looking spooked, but he had not left. He was too concerned about Martin to leave.

Could I blame him? Could I? For all his many flaws, he was worried about Martin, and I… I actually was frightening, these days. No one else had all the marks. No one else had been the antichrist as long as I had. No one else had the particular “eye” powers I did, for whatever reason, or possibly for the reasons above.

And whatever was going on with me becoming both the Lonely and the Spiral and the Vast…

I, too, would do mad things to keep Martin safe from me, were I on the outside. “I understand,” I said to Mike over Martin’s shoulder. “And I forgive you.”

And at those words—

Things… changed.

It wasn’t supposed to do more than build our fractured relationship up a bit. It was supposed to create understanding, to just patch up some of the gaping holes in the pathway between us.  Instead, the world shivered on its axis as though Atlas had sneezed.

I felt it.

A second’s worth of something.

Mike stared at me.

Martin… didn’t notice? “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. We pu… I pushed you too soon, and you aren’t ready, and it’s okay, and—”

I cupped Martin’s face again  (and I was looking away from Mike but I really was not) and sat halfway up to kiss him. “You didn’t do this. Martin! Martin. This isn’t your fault. I’m still figuring out this balancing act. How to be… what I am without losing myself in it.”

“You just fell over,” he said helplessly.

I saw it in his mind. I had collapsed. There’d been no warning. He was holding me, upset that I was so cold (well the Vast was cold), mad that he’d thought he could trust Mike not to do something weird, worried I’d never accept anyone now, worried I’d become some kind of bizarre Eye-hermit because I feared everybody, worried he wasn’t enough to make me happy, worried I’d slip away and someday never come back—

“Oh, Martin,” I breathed, and kissed him deeply. “The world could end. The stars could burn out and fade. Reality itself could twist into a pretzel, but I am never leaving you again. ”

You know, on reflection, that declaration of mine ought to have been terrifying.

But he heard it the way I meant it: he was never going back to alone in the sea, never having to mourn me again, would never have to say goodbye.

He clutched me like a life raft. Goodness, he was strong.

Mike was still staring. 

I’d done something to him. I didn’t know what. I could, but I might lose myself again, and I wouldn’t do that to Martin. 

“Tea?” Mike said, and scuttled into the other room.

#

Whatever monsters we all were, we were also British, and that meant awkward tea and biscuits while we tried to silently sort it out.

I was glued to Martin’s side.

Mike looked almost repentant. It was a start. He also seemed like himself, completely, with one exception: he now spoke to me as if I were his friend.

Casual and open, no longer faking smiles or pretending normalcy. Whatever I had done to him had convinced him he could trust me.

I was very, very unhappy about that, but I had no idea what to do with it, so... for now, I let him talk.

He told me about his job: he was a gods-damned tour-guide.

All right, not quite a tour guide. He did jumping tours, which is to say he’d fly people over the city of their choice, then parachute with them to the ground nearby, all the while describing interesting tidbits of history and trivia.

“People pay for that?” I blurted, because I had no social grace.

Mike told me how much people paid for that.

I looked at Martin. “So it turns out I have always been in the wrong line of work.”

They both laughed.

#

It wasn't so bad. Mike wasn't actually acting weird; Martin accepted this as normal Mike behavior. Maybe I'd been wrong. Maybe he'd just finally accepted me, because I hadn't lashed out when pushed.

Maybe.

At any rate, Mike left late. We'd marathoned the next season of UK's Got Talent, which was, ah, quite different from the one I'd known. This one was all about imitating AI renditions of things, and somehow doing it better. It made me deeply uncomfortable, but Mike loved it, so.

I didn't sleep well. I did, however, insist on going to my interview as planned the next morning.

Martin didn’t want me to; he was worried I’d black out (and so was I, a little), but I told him I needed to do this. Even if I didn’t take the job, I wanted to qualify for it.

I wanted to… have a life. I wanted to not be his life. I wanted to give him room to breathe.

“You’re an idiot,” he said when I phrased this to him, and kissed me flushed and breathless.

Which was a great start to the day—but I still blew the damn interview, anyway.

#

I hadn’t done this in a long time, and I’d never interviewed well even when I'd been human, so maybe this was not surprising. I’d psyched myself completely up. I'd absorbed everything about the library, and the neighborhood, and any salient facts I thought might bring me favor. I was so ready, damn it.

So ready that I got the most dreaded words at the end of my time: You might be overqualified.

So that wasn’t happening.

How did I do that? I know I wasn’t impressive. I tried to be knowledgeable, and reserved, and respectable, and all the things a librarian ought to be. All I did was answer their questions! And present a degree in library science I didn’t earn! But they wouldn’t know that!

Blast. I felt sure I’d disappointed everybody.

This was why, I recalled now, when Jonah offered me the Archivist promotion, I’d accepted it even though I’d known I wasn’t qualified. I was terrified I’d lose my job if I turned it down—and the agony of job hunting was an awful deterrent.

Gods, I'd been so young. I certainly hadn’t felt young at the time, but I was.

Quiet London (I really needed to stop renaming everything) was, of course, quiet. People walked at pace, hither, thither, and yon, in silence; businesses flourished or struggled with nary a peep of music or voices escaping their workplaces; cars rolled by without more sound than the occasional crunch of tires.

I felt awful, returning to the Compound (which they did not call it, and I needed to say The Salt Flats like the rest of them because they’d picked the name and it was sort of funny, but damn it all, I just couldn’t). I wanted to apologize. To Jane and to Mike. They’d gotten me the interview. Obtained paperwork for me so it would be legal. And I blew it.

I sighed. Well. The situation wasn’t that different from post-uni, honestly. If my grandmother hadn’t passed when she did, and her house hadn’t sold for the amount it did, I could never have survived long enough to get the job at the Magnus Institute.

All of that sounds horrible and heartless, and I would never tell anyone I’d thought it. I missed my grandmother, sort of. I didn’t really know her. She… didn’t come from a generation of people who shared how they felt.

I’m grateful for her. She cared for me when she didn’t have to, and I know I was a difficult child.

( You were on the spectrum! the Eye informs me with a sort of nerdy glee.)

“Yes, I’d figured that out,” I muttered. “Only about eight hundred years ago. ”

( Appropriate techniques for aiding a child with a tendency toward hyperfixation and overstimulation include—)

“Not now, please,” I said. “I’m really not in a good mood, and I don’t want to think about my childhood.”

So instead, It gave me the spin-off movie from Brother Love, called Cloistered: The Sister Swap.

It was the goofiest, stupidest thing I could imagine in all my life, involving Christmas, a woman from “the city” (unspecified) with a high-powered career, untenable stress, and a twin sister nun, and the one brother in the cloisters who had not found love with his fellow gents.

The sisters traded places and the nun ended up married to the monk on a farm in Canada. 

You know what? Why not? This pablum was harmless. And if this ridiculous romantic blarney was enough to give some people joy in their lives, who was I to complain? I could just let people enjoy things. What a concept!

Besides, it was sort of fascinating.

I was still smiling about it as I opened Martin’s door.

He was on the little couch, sound asleep. His phone sat beside him where it had fallen from his hand, currently following the travails of a kitten foster parent somewhere in Cork.

He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and I stood in the doorway like a nonce for a full minute before realizing I ought to shut it and come inside. 

He didn’t wake.

Of course, I peeked. Yes, Martin was fine; he was just very, very tired. He had not told me he’d been awake most of the night because he had to keep checking if I still breathed (Martin! For heaven’s sake), but I knew now.

Naughty. We’d have to talk about it.

(Wondrous. Had anyone ever worried about me like that, ever in my life?)

I crept into his second room to acquire some unnecessary yet deeply needful stress-snacks.

Martin was an excellent baker. He’d converted his flat’s second room into a wild little space for his online baking show (the idea for which he’d gotten from some alternate him Maneula had shown him), and while his show wasn’t as successful as his counterpart’s (“He wears lipstick!” Martin told me with fascination), it paid enough that he could do his part-time job at the London Aquarium without worrying about bills.

All this to say that the light switch wasn’t ordinary, and flipping it on meant blinding white light aimed at the tiny, adorable kitchen set-up against the wall.

I blinked, my many eyes watering, and made my way toward the tiny storage area where he’d put last night’s cupcakes. They were chocolate and heavily indulgent. I was going to eat a lot of them. Stuff my face. Try to enter a sugar coma, if I could.

Behind me came a sound of static.

I spun.

There wasn’t even anything here that could make that sound—that very specific older-television sound, which only occurred while there had been both analog broadcasting and analog televisions which, by accident, picked up literal radiation left over from the Big Bang, translated to microwaves and white noise.

I frowned at his kitchen setup. There was nothing. Well, as anyone would guess, the moment I turned around, it would happen again, so I turned around.

The static started. And I opened all my eyes.

There was a—

Jonah Magnus.

But not the one currently in Sasha’s hospital bed. No. This wasn’t the one from my world, either, when I’d taken Jonah’s mind and devoured him. This one was about forty, still sort of twinkishly pretty, but his blond hair had picked up some fetching white, and he was dressed in a purple, embroidered Heathcliff vest with a floppy tie of some sort. His shirtsleeves were rolled to his elbows; sweat had drooped his insouciant little curls, and he bore a cut on one cheek that looked quite fresh.

“There!” he said. “Wait—blast, that’s not the right—”

Static sound. He disappeared.

“What the actual hell?” I declared, and approached the space where it had been.

Where it now reappeared.

Static. In the air. In a circle, like an old television in the shape of a round mirror. “There!” said new-Jonah again. “I don’t know who you are, but it’s the wrong—”

Gone.

The Eye was silent. No, not silent; yearning. The way one might miss an ex. 

The way I’d once missed Georgie.

“What?” I whispered.

Static. Fuzzy circle, static, a random dot-pixel pattern like before that HBO symbol of ages past. New-Jonah again. “—end yours, too! You’ve got to stop him! I know it isn’t working, Barnabas, don’t be an a—”

Gone.

And I knew it wasn’t coming back this time because the Eye resumed its new absurdity, offering to show me all the hand-made goods fans had created in honor of Brother Love.

I left the cupcakes where they were and joined Martin on the sofa. He was still asleep.

( Yes, I checked, and he was fine.)

Right, so. Whatever had just happened… I was the only person who knew about it. Of that, I was sure.

I needed to know more. Needed. 

The Eye wanted to show me, but… I could feel how weighty it was, how much, and if just recalling Basira from the old days had been enough to knock me out, I knew I wasn’t ready for this.

Damn it. I could finally see the benefit of having a double. They could channel their power together. They could share the strain, spread the load.

Michael and Helen were manageable here because they had each other.

The two Nolans literally spent evenings burning one another (gross!) and loving every second, keeping themselves sated.

The Georgies had a horrifying ritual where they would nearly drown one another, once a month. It worked for them. (I… I could never.)

I had no one to talk to like that. No other-me to share the load.

Gerry! chirped the Eye.

“None of them are here, you goon,” I muttered.

Gerry! Gerry! Gerry!

Gods, what had I done to this thing? Taken an impossible eternal fear entity and turned It into a blasted puppy, chewing on furniture and getting excited over things that bounce.

No, I knew that wasn’t true. To anyone but me, It was still what It was: a being of invasion, of flash-paper privacy, of paranoia and being watched and being followed and exposed.

It just… happened to love me. I highly doubted I deserved it. This was just… this was so much time spent. Necessary bedfellows. Which was a terrifying concept; what if it could It be lured away from me by someone who might use It for evil?

Use It for… what the bloody hell was I thinking?

I laughed, and Martin finally woke up. “Hm?” he said with a sleepy smile. “That’s a good sound to hear. Did it go well?”

“No, it did not,” I said, still amused at my completely insane thought of the evil fear god being used for evil. Good lord. “I’m fairly sure I won’t get it.”

“I’m sorry,” he said seriously. “What has you laughing, then?”

I tried to tell him. Big evil fear gods being used for evil like in a cartoon, as opposed to us, who absolutely only used them for good things, like draining the terror out of felons.

Some context was obviously missing, but he laughed anyway. “The way your mind works,” he said with such warmth. “Did you want some comfort-cakes?”

“I would die for some comfort-cakes,” I said.

“Stay.” He headed into his second room.

I hadn’t told him about the static. Why hadn’t I told him about the static?

I would. I just… I needed to parse it a bit more, and… and…

I feared he might say something like, this is too much for you, and bring other people in.

Worse, I feared he might be right to do that.

What I needed was a way to get to all three Gerry Keays and have a chat. That’s what I needed.

Portals! the Eye said. It wanted to teach me.

Only if Manuela won’t know, I said back.

Martin brought chocolate cupcakes and milk, and I put all the other thoughts aside for a bit.

Whatever the hell was going on, I would deal with it. I would understand it, and stop it if it was bad. But I couldn’t escape the feeling I’d had the moment I’d seen New-Jonah, shouting. That man had been trying to warn me of something.

Every instinct I had said this Jonah was not an enemy.

I hated it. I pushed against it. I challenged it.

I couldn’t discard it.

That Jonah had been different. I didn’t know why, and trying to push into that knowledge led to dizziness, so I stopped.

One thing at a time, Jon. And one of those things was not making the mistake of failing to trust my partner.

“I love you,” I said to Martin, and told him what had happened.

[lycanlovingvampyre]

MAG 191 Relisten

Activity on my first listen: mowing the lawn.

Does anyone understand what Martin is mumbling in his sleep? I've listened to this part so many times now, I feel like I'm at work...

MARTIN: "You were sleeping with your eyes open again." You know who else sleeps with their eyes open? Cats! Jon is a cat, confirmed!

JON: "What was I like at Salesa’s?" MARTIN: "Oh, you’d just completely conk out. Eyes open, obviously, cos god forbid the creepy ever stops entirely, heh, but –" JON: "Thank you." MARTIN: "– you’d just be dead to the world. I actually got a bit worried, once or twice, but you always woke up fine. You said you didn’t dream. Sounded pretty happy about it too." Aww, finally some fluffy fan service again! That "Thank you", so amused, so fond!

MARTIN: "Hey, I meant to ask. Do you recognise that woman, Celia?" Hehe, Martin already reacted to her name last episode^^ Lynne Hammond is her pre-Change name.

UNNAMED: "Names are how they see you; they’re how they find you in the files. You can hide all you want, but if they know your name, they can see you. And take you away." Oh, that sounds like some conspiracy bullshit...

I feel Jon so much, I also can't shut up if I hear someone obviously getting things wrong...

MARTIN: "Do you need to make a statement?" JON: "Actually no. I haven’t since we got down here. I suppose it must be the tunnels. Nice to be a bit more in control, although it does feel… odd." That's so good to hear, Jon enjoying just being Jon.

ARUN: "You don’t believe in them, do you? In their power?" OMG, the way he taunts Martin!!! I really can’t with religious fanatics..

I'm with the tape recorder/Web on this one. I think it was very important to record Martin and Arun fighting xD

JON: "I don’t know. I know how Georgie gets about people in her care. If she thinks helping us will endanger them…" That... is really sad to hear. Those are random people Georgie has known for, what, half a year tops? Georgie and Jon used to date. Even if they got into a bad fight when they parted, there has been affection there once. They seemed like halfway decent friend when Jon lived at her place... And these people are now more important to her than Jon? And later it is actually Melanie suggesting to help them in their cause..

JON: "If, however, we find a way to somehow destroy or, uh, eliminate the powers… I’m not going to be okay. There’s too much of me that’s part of The Eye now. I don’t… know what would be left of me without it. Maybe I just die. Maybe I survive, but I lose… something. My identity. My mind. My… memories. I don’t know." We hear later from Annabelle that Jon would survive this and stay more or less the person he thinks himself to be (whatever that means), and I kind of can see that this works... Right now, the Fears exist, the Eye takes up a big part of Jon, and while the Fears exist in this world, in general even if blocked out - sometimes more, sometimes less - that part becomes hollow and can't keep Jon structurally upright and he threatens to collapse. But if the Fears completely vanish, that void goes with them and the empty space can be filled with Jon again and support is once again given. (Also yeah, the tragedy part, he could have been okay and so forth...)

JON: "Martin, when the time comes, I need you to promise me that you won’t try to stop me." MARTIN: "I promise. I love you, Jon." JON: "I love you too." MARTIN: "But I’m not going to doom the world over it." This is super important! I mean, Jon will bring it up again, when the time comes, but this is the origin of their promises and how each of them will think the other one didn't keep his.

MARTIN: "And you have to promise me you’re going to do everything in your power to live. That you’re not going to sacrifice yourself at the first opportunity, just because you feel guilty about what happened" JON: "… I promise." Both of them don't really believe it will come to it, that's why they promise. Martin is so sure, that there is another way and that he never gets in the situation of having to let Jon go. And Jon thinks, in his infinite knowledge, that there's no way this could possibly end good for him..

GEORGIE: "And it’s not like the tunnels have gotten any safer with them hanging around." Wow... How she emphasises "them"... Another thing to throw on the I-don't-like-Georgie pile...

MELANIE: "It feels crap, you know, just doing nothing." GEORGIE: "We’re surviving. And trying to help others do the same. That’s not nothing." I mean on the scale of "trying to save the world" and "doing nothing" that's pretty far on the "doing nothing" side... And this will be Georgie's suggestion in MAG 199...

MELANIE: "and I’m sick of people acting like I should feel so super-sympathetic towards him, just because he’s had a rough time of it. I’ve had a rough time of it from the second I met him!" You can have had a rough time yourself and still show empathy...? This isn't a competition. I get not liking people, you don't have to like everyone, that's simply not possibly. But a bit of empathy for others also isn't like the hardest thing in the world...

Bit sad that Melanie ended up still hating Jon. I felt like she did have character progression at the end of S4. What happened to "He's welcome as a friend"?

GEORGIE: "Well, we’re not going up the tower, but… yeah. I want my cat back." Finally something we can agree on!

Oh and just last episode I was wondering if the recorders ever clicked on themselves without either Jon or Martin being present? Well, at least after the change I can say they do! xD

@a-mag-a-day

[serethereal]

interview music tag game

RULES: Put your playlist on shuffle. For each of the 10 interview questions, select a lyric from the random song that comes up. (Skip if there aren't any lyrics and make sure to drop the name of the song in your interview answer!) xx

thanks for tagging me @moongays <33 this is my fav tag game i’ve done so fun scrambling for a lyric that relates 🌚

1. First off, how would you describe yourself in one sentence?

but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldn't know how to be alive / i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die

brand new city - mitski

2. What kind of [aries] are you?

i know it’s over still i cling / i don’t know where else i can go

i know it’s over - the smiths

3. You're visiting your favorite spot, what are you thinking about?

suddenly my feet are feet of mud / it all goes slo mo / i don’t know why i’m crying / am i suspended in gaffa?

suspended in gaffa - kate bush

4. If your life was a movie, what do you think the first review would say about it?

she’s getting on my nerves

pacify her - melanie martinez

5. Say you get a book deal, what are you titling your memoir?

fuck it i love you - ldr

6. What would you say about your best friends?

i don’t mind if you don’t mind / cause i don’t shine if you don’t shine / before you jump tell me what you find / can you read my mind

read my mind - the killers

7. Think back to when you had everything all figured out in high school, what was your life motto as a teenager?

use me like an oar / get yourself to shore

at the door - the strokes

8. Describe your aesthetic now:

happiness is a butterfly / we should catch it while dancing i / lose myself in the music baby / everyday is a lullaby / try to catch it like lightening

happiness is a butterfly - ldr

9. What's a lyric that they'll quote in your eulogy?

and nothing has been alright since bruce springsteen

1985 - bowling for soup

10. And for our final question, say we believe in soulmates, what do you think their first impression of meeting you will be?

you’re the closest to heaven that i’ll ever be

iris - goo goo dolls

tagging @halahmp3 @alpacinolover @stewyonmolly @boydykepdf @tenderheart444 @hauntedwoman @pomegranate-pill @suspendedinbush and @gaewaren <333

[onmytape]

Highlights from The Star: "Connor Bedard wasn’t raised to be a hockey phenom. He made that decision himself."

Bedard fell in love with the game with minimal help. His first skating lesson at four years old went badly — “I was crying when I got off the ice,” he says — but at the end of the second lesson there was a stick-and-puck session, and he asked his father Tom if he could try. “I mean, ever since I kind of first touched the puck it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do,” says Bedard. “And I mean, I’m 17 now and that hasn’t changed.” He learned to skate. He rollerbladed on their rare flat street in hilly North Vancouver, but with purpose: self-made drills. He rollerbladed in the house. And lord, he practised. To save the windows out front Tom built a shooting box in the backyard, and Connor still shoots there when he’s home. Tom heard there were open ice hours at North Shore Winter Club, which was relatively affordable: he joined, and took Connor. Unlike most places in Canada, there’s not much outdoor winter ice in North Vancouver. “He’d stay there eight hours at a time,” says Tom. “More, sometimes. He’d come off, eat, go back on. His feet would be literally bleeding. I would go on once in a while, but normally I would just let him do his thing.

He played some soccer and liked it, but not like hockey. His dad thinks Connor had a natural baseball swing — Tom was a pretty fair baseball player — and golf swing, too, but Connor was born with the same obsession that every great player has to have. The street was full of young families and Connor would spend days outside being a kid, playing tag and running through sprinklers, but working at hockey most of all. He has never owned a video game console.

Even now Connor gets on the ice on optional morning skates or off days, accompanied occasionally by teammates: he works from different areas, tries different shots, pantomimes celebrations. He sometimes sneaks out of the makeshift school classroom at the Brandt Arena in Regina — a room left over from the COVID emergency era, where the players would gather — and the teacher retrieves him by following the sound of a puck ringing off the bar, shot by a young man wearing flip-flops on the ice.

“I think he’s obsessed, possessed by it,” says John Paddock, the veteran hockey man who is the coach and general manager of the Pats. “He’s so meticulous in his daily routine, game day, other days. It’s just another part of his game.” Paddock does say he has tried to dial Bedard back. “I tell John I don’t believe in them, in days off,” says Bedard. “But he makes us, a little bit.”

But when he was very young, Connor told his parents, “I get along really well with all the kids on the team. But I don’t think their parents like me.” Melanie figured rink politics would become the topic at the dinner table every night if she and Tom both lived it, and they didn’t want that. So Tom would get up as early as 2:30 or 3 in the morning and drive up the mountain way past Whistler, back when the Sea to Sky highway was a truly treacherous road. He’d fell trees for six hours; six, six and a half was the maximum, because it’s not a job where you can afford to lose focus. Tom knows a lot of loggers who were killed on the job, has been at the site of one logging fatality; he once broke his collarbone and neck when hit by a falling tree. His partner drove him out with Tom lying down in the backseat of the truck, bumping down the road. It was all hard work. “Yeah, it was hard, but you know, struggle is not a bad thing, really,” says Tom, a solid man with blue eyes. “It makes you close. It makes things more important, it makes things real. You know, if you have it too easy, usually it doesn’t work out very well. So I don’t mind struggle.” He would drive back and stop at Madi’s gymnastics in full backwoods gear, take her home, and drive Connor wherever he needed to go, while Melanie would make healthy snacks and coordinate everything. For a long time Connor’s drive could be channeled into teams and open ice and backyard shooting, but eventually the Bedards did what every parent of a serious hockey kid has moved towards in the last 10 years or so: trainers, skating coaches, hockey academies. Tom has friends who have their own kids in hockey, and he tells them he wishes he could tell them they don’t have to spend the money to keep up, but that’s how it works now.

A couple days before Bedard had to apply for exceptional status to play in the WHL as a 15-year-old, Melanie was driving him to the gym. “I did not sleep the day before,” she says. “And I said Connor, I don’t think you should do this. And I know it’s what you really want. I know. But I feel like as your mom I’m going to be taking something away from you that’s so special; just the ability to make stupid mistakes that we make, and have regret.” She worried that under the spotlight, in the age of social media, people would root for him to fail, as they did when he was a young phenom. She said she’d still get mad at him if he did something stupid, went to a party he shouldn’t go to, whatever. But she would understand he was a kid, too. “And he said, ‘I don’t care if I go to a party,’” says Melanie. “‘This is something that I want. You can’t. As my mom you feel bad about that, but you don’t feel bad about taking away something that’s so important.’ “So we did decide to go ahead with it.”

Melanie moved to Regina to be Connor’s billet the past two seasons, because nobody knew what it would be like for a kid of his calibre, and as Paddock puts it, “His whole preparations are based around perfection, and she’s the only one that knows it.” (Another Bedard youth coach, Dan Cioffi of Burnaby Six Rinks, recalls Bedard would be the kid ordering chicken caesar salad and a mineral water at age 12, surrounded by kids enjoying burgers and pop.)

There are other moments, though. The mom who passes him her daughter’s phone number. The letter that purported to be from a boy who was paralyzed who asked for a jersey, but whose address pops up in other, vaguely similar, differently-named letters. The yahoos driving by the house at 3:30 a.m. yelling TOE DRAG AND RELEASE. The autograph hounds here and on the road, pros, everywhere they go, forcing the team to change some of its protocols. After one uncomfortable incident that Bedard laughed off in the moment, he came home and told his mom about it. “He said, ‘You know, I’m kind of realizing in some ways I have to be just a robot. Because you know that certain people are just wanting you to say this one thing that they can pass on,’” says Melanie. “And I said to him, I feel kind of upset, but I’m also proud that you’re mature enough to be aware of that. Because it’s so important.” “I think it’s a small sacrifice to make,” says Bedard. “I mean, I’m myself most of the day; I’m at the rink and home most of the time. If I’m walking to the car and someone wants a picture or something, that’s all good. And, you know, for me, I think if I had to change things, which I haven’t much, but just a few things to try to achieve my lifelong goal, I think I’d do that in a heartbeat.”

Coaches say that from a young age, Bedard was the kind of kid who was really attentive to his teammates, and it wasn’t correlated to how good they were. He could have asked for a trade from Regina at the deadline. He didn’t want to leave; he felt a responsibility. “I think I’ve just always been almost sensitive to other people’s feelings,” says Bedard. “You know, I never want to hurt someone’s feelings or make someone feel bad about something. I’m still young, and if there’s something I need to say no to, I try to get my agent or someone to do it for me; I feel bad about that."

"Like it makes me emotional, because I am so grateful. (Tom) learned so much in that moment. And he never has critiqued Connor. They talk about things, because Connor is his biggest critic. And I’m so grateful for their relationship, because what I’ve seen, and a big part of why I wanted to step away, was I would look at these dynamics ... Connor would say some of his teammates would be crying because they didn’t want to go on the car ride with their dad, with their parents. “And I thought, all these people in this machine, you are losing sight of the most important thing: your relation. Because even if they are the next Crosby, they’ll probably be done in their 30s and you’ve damaged that relationship that you could have had the rest of your life. Like, you’re gonna make everything in your world with your child about whether they scored a goal or not? That always was strange to me in that world.” (Melanie Bedard)