#i love human!cas and angel!cas endgame equally

[monstermoviedean]

it's honestly beyond wild how easily dean lets cas off for some pretty irredeemable, unforgiveable stuff with no understanding or even acknowledgement on cas' part of the kind of incredible actual-no-strings gift he's been given (and thrown away, rinse, repeat). i can appreciate the take that it just goes to show how deeply braindead in love dean is (and i might still be able to find the romance in it if there was ever any kind of equal or at least comparable weight on cas' end) but he can do (and has done) (and deserves) so much better! rip!! on a list of all dean's boyfriends ranked in order of how well they treated him cas would come in dead last.. can't even rate him over the ones that tried to kill dean because uh cas has not only done that too but also done that more than most (without even factoring in the mind control) lol wanky maybe but that doesn't make it untrue womp womp

anyway the trap effectively killed many of my charitable feelings for cas and despair took care of much of the rest. i know you're not there yet and still manage some warmth for cas besides (plus my post s15 cas/destiel opinions probably trend significantly more harshly than even the rare and wonderful few who have been openly critical of both that aren't br*nly/c*sties, i can acknowledge that lol) but after the trap and knowing what's still to come, it's very difficult for me to see cas-as-dean's-endgame being a positive thing for dean. that may be what he wants but like please for the love @ him: want better!!! i mean, s6 was tough but also so crunchy and opened the door for a world of (tragically unrealized) possibilities. the shadow that s15 and everything leading up to it casts over all of that is just.. so so long. there's been so many opportunities for cas to be better and he just. wastes them.

i'm so interested to see what your takeaway from despair is because it left me feeling kind of hollow on destiel and deeply skeptical of cas when stacked up against everything else. cas may be in love with his idea of dean but he's proven over and over again that he's either incapable of or unwilling to be and see dean as an equal, loving partner. idk if it's a fault in the writing (feels like a cop out to pin things on that though, especially when cas is actually written fairly consistently compared to most other characters) or just that mc isn't as dynamic/effective an actor as jackles but i find myself less and less convinced of cas' sincerity as time goes on. he's wildly selfish. i think it's far easier to make the argument in canon that everything he's done, including that confession, has been far more selfishly motivated than motivated by any genuine love or care for dean (or jack for that matter). maybe an uncharitable assessment, but not an unfounded one.

what dean says about angel's caring and cas playing sorry in 7x21 and cas insisting he's "a lot like people" to rowena's (very apt) assessment of him in 10x22 are always top of my mind when i try to make sense of cas in the aftermath. he's not sorry, he's playing sorry. he's not people, he's performing people. angels don't have souls and i'm not sure i really buy grace as a substitute but, even if i did, cas' has been waning for a very long time (which i wish had been explored more considering all of the weight the canon puts on having a soul). cas isn't that far removed from donatello who, in his soullessness, turned to mr rogers for behavioral cues. cas holds dean in that role, he's just not especially good at emulating him. or maybe just doesn't understand what it is he should be emulating. all of that to say that i really, truly believe cas wants to feel people feelings (feelings is dean as people is dean as humanity is dean etc etc etc), i'm just not sure if i buy that it's ever more than performance for him.

like fanfic is great, i love fanfic! post s15 fix-its moving further and further away from the "dean pulls his head out of his ass" model is such a gift!! but in actual canon?? ough. cas' very long, very well established patterns make canon destiel a super hard sell for me in a post s15 world. there's no reason to believe that things would ever change because, to the bitter end(?), they never did.

anyway anyway, i'm sorry for using your inbox as a rantbox and i fully understand if you ignore this, i know parts of it might be kind of a powder keg lol it's hard to not be cynical and frustrated by so much squandered potential i suppose, especially when so much of the fandom popular opinions on these things have been just so. bad and wrong. for so long. it's been a relief to see some of those tides turning as more people revisit the source material, though! please just know that i really have enjoyed following along on your rewatch and appreciate how much thought and care you put into understanding this show and these characters. i'm looking forward to seeing where what's left of the journey takes you!

there are some points here i agree with and some i don't, but i can entirely see where you're coming from. i just want to extend some love to you because yeah, sometimes this story is really incredibly frustratingly sad and bleak. also no need to apologize, i love inbox rants <3

i'm publishing this because i think there are a lot of interesting points of discussion about cas and his relationship with dean. blanket statement for anyone who might read it: i am not interested in cas-bashing or anon-bashing. don't do that here. or anywhere, frankly.

to start off: it IS beyond wild that dean lets cas off for some things. breaking sam's wall is the first example that comes to mind. i mean wow, good for dean for being the bigger person and forgiving there, but holy shit.

i'm gonna politely disagree with you on cas treating dean badly. i do see where you're coming from! this is something i've talked about before re: cas actually - that sometimes the way dean treats cas is viewed as poor treatment, but in actuality cas doesn't receive it that way at all. so cas' tendency to put the mission first, for example, is something that dean GETS. dean doesn't feel like cas is neglecting him by doing this. i think there are also circumstances in which cas' actions are understandable, even if i don't like them. and a lot of the "constant apocalypse" problems lead to responses that don't have a real-world equivalent. all that being said, i think one thing cas could fix/address is answering his phone when dean calls him.

on dean doing better - i think people in dean's life could and should treat him better. i also think he loves and cares about those people and would not trade them out, and i respect that.

on cas being better - mixed feelings on this. i totally understand where you're coming from and don't want to invalidate you here or at any point! i think cas is trying to be better. i think he's locked into a pattern where he only sees one option for being better - fixing things / getting wins / sacrificing himself / otherwise protecting dean and sparing dean harm. i feel for him there, i really do. smarter people than me have pointed to heaven brainwashing/upbringing as the reason this pattern exists. so i don't expect him to break out of that pattern, but i do think it's reasonable to wish he had come to recognize that this DOES harm dean. i think cas often believes he knows how dean feels. sometimes he's right, sometimes he's wrong. and in this case while dean can understand why cas is doing what he's doing and respect his decisions enough to not put up a fight about them, it does hurt dean to watch cas walk away into certain danger over and over. it especially hurts when dean has no power in the situation and is left with nothing to do but to hope cas comes back.

so i have actually seen 15x18 and have some feelings about it but i don't want to comment until i see it again. i know i missed a ton of context the first time i watched it (november 6 2020 after not having watched the show in a few years), and i'm interested to see how my interpretation changes!

one opinion i have that i don't think will change: i believe cas' pattern of keeping secrets to protect dean, then having those secrets blow up, causing dean pain and/or causing cas to leave, is not disrupted. i believe 15x18 reinforces this pattern, in fact. and i do not like that. i do appreciate that cas did it for love and he was backed into a horrible corner, and at the same time, from dean's perspective, it's another example of cas leaving.

on cas not seeing dean as an equal partner. hoooo boy, this one gave me pause. i am very conflicted about this, to be honest. i think cas THINKS he sees dean as an equal partner, but i'm not sure he actually does. i'm also not sure he treats him like one. consistently, at least. i think they're equals when they're dealing with "ordinary" problems (monsters, people), but when the problems are angel-level or higher, i think cas thinks he has more ability to solve those problems than dean does. sometimes he's right (cas should be the one talking to michael in 15x08, for example). but not always. and i could see that coming across as patronizing. i want to think more about this one!

on cas' selfishness. this is tough because i think cas is trying to be selfless in a way that comes across as selfish. he wants to be the hero. he believes he can be the hero. he wants to spare others from being the hero. and while that's usually well-intentioned (taking on burdens so others don't have to), it can read as "no one else is capable of this but me." and i think the major problem is that cas looks at things from a 30,000-foot level. he is often less concerned with the ground-level impacts. so when he's, idk, saying yes to lucifer, he's thinking "someone has to and it may as well be me" but he's not thinking "oh shit dean is going to have to watch lucifer parade me around and then kill me." while i understand his reasoning in these high-stakes no-win situations and i'm not mad about it, i do wish he would consider the impacts of his small decisions on others more often. sorry to bring up the phone thing again but it's the best example i've got - it would be nice if cas made it more of a priority to answer his phone when dean calls because it's important to dean, even if it isn't important to cas. it will help dean feel more secure and they will have a nice conversation because they enjoy talking to each other. we have hints of this kind of thing happening but i would like to see it more clearly and consistently. or like. icing sam out during the rupture was pretty shitty. he could have at least texted back. (yes he was in a bad spot, no he doesn't have to respond to sam all the time, but a little 'i'm not dead' text would have made a big difference)

i think "uncharitable but not unfounded" is very understandable. i, personally, believe cas loves and cares about dean. i also could come up with some examples of cas' actions that, regardless of intent, communicate to dean that this is not true. i think if you want to make a case that cas doesn't care, you can. i wouldn't agree with it, and i think there's a better case that cas does care, but i do recognize that the show itself leaves that door open. and it does bother me. i would feel better if cas showed more consistent and obvious care for dean TO dean.

i think cas does confuse/equate feeling guilty with feeling sorry. i think he does both, but sometimes he is playing sorry. i think his defense of jack at the end of s14 contradicts his claims of being sorry, for example. but i'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is actually sorry most of the other times.

on cas' feelings - i see where you're coming from, and i disagree here. i think cas does have feelings, even if he doesn't always know what they are or how to process them. someone (i think ilarual?) made a cool post about cas growing a soul that i thought was a neat idea. but i can certainly sympathize with wanting the show to do more with angels, grace, angel feelings, etc.

i do believe cas is sincere in his care and in wanting to do better, and that's one reason i have faith in dean and cas being able to work it out and be good for each other! i think that's a major difference between our perspectives. and i don't have an answer here, because again, i see where you're coming from. if you're open to it, i might suggest considering cas' actions from a perspective that he's 100% sincere 100% of the time. it might be interesting to try, even if it doesn't change your opinions at all (and you definitely don't have to try it or change your opinions).

one million billion trillion percent agree on squandered potential. there are so many problems we've discussed here that i think could be fixed with attention and goodwill. but will they be fixed? sigh. i don't know. i like to believe so, but cynicism is also a fair response. i think a lot of my feelings come down to this question: if the show had continued, would 15x18 have been a turning point? would it have finally allowed dean and cas to change their relationship? or would it have set it in stone, never to be changed again? i think it's a matter of interpretation. i tend toward the former - that 15x18 would have changed everything and allowed them space to finally get it right - but i can also see why the latter works, especially because the show ending DID set it in stone that way.

it HAS been a relief to see shifts in conversation, and i hope they continue. and thank you so so much for your very kind words! they are not necessary but they are appreciated :) i often feel like i'm just fumbling around in the dark compared to a lot of others, and it's nice to hear i haven't completely mucked it up. also i really enjoyed answering this, so thanks for giving me so much to chew on!

[mittensmorgul]

i miss human!cas so badly 😭 i feel like we've been robbed. do you think human!cas endgame can still work after the finale and spnwin?

SAME. omg same.

And... yes, absolutely. I don't think anything in the series, or in The Winchesters, precludes a human Cas endgame, mostly because we got zero resolution on him, you know? Yes, he Spoke His Truth, but he wasn't allowed to hear any sort of response.

All of s15, I screamed about how all the stuff he was "teaching to Jack" about being loved and wanted for who he is (when Jack was struggling with his seeming inability to do anything right or actually be able to "help" or "be useful")... ALL THAT STUFF EQUALLY APPLIES TO CAS HIMSELF. AND HE NEVER WAS ALLOWED TO FULLY EMBRACE THAT UNDERSTANDING.

I spent all of s15 yelling that yes, that's all great, but now SOMEONE NEEDS TO SAY ALL OF THAT TO CAS.

He understands the concepts, but doesn't fully understand that they apply TO HIM.

Because the narrative didn't allow Dean to TELL him.

And that's just a damn crime!

I mean, so much of Cas's entire character arc from s4 onward was this struggle with being USEFUL versus just being WANTED and NEEDED for who he is. I just recorded the podcast for 5.21, where he struggled with feeling useless because he'd completely lost his powers for the first time. And yet... was completely badass as a powerless, effectively-human participant in the raid on Niveus. But then it's all washed away and he's magically restored to full angelhood, and feels like it's his MISSION, his DUTY to "save Heaven" and take on the responsibility for what every other angel does. Because he was given that power back.

His entire arc his this struggle against Duty™ and always feeling like there was a Cosmic Reason™ for him being resurrected, or being in a position to Do Something About The Problems. Versus him just being IMPORTANT TO THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM BECAUSE HE'S CAS. Like... that's just as valid a "reason" for him to be in the story, you know?

So... yeah, to me, there's nothing more important to the completion of his arc than for him to finally lay all that duty aside and just be allowed to CHOOSE what he wants for himself, based on the full understanding that he's Loved, that he's LIKED, that he's wanted and needed for HIM ALONE, and not for how useful or powerful he can be to anybody. Art, hope, love, dreams... he deserves all of that too. And not to be sacrificed pointlessly in the vain hope that everyone else he cares about will be able to have those things without him. Because really, they can't.

[queen-rowenas]

end of the beginning  - 507 words, destiel

requests are open!

What if when Cas uses the last of his grace, it isn’t a huge spectacle. It isn’t a tragedy.

What if it’s a quiet morning, in a fixer upper house that Dean has mostly fixed—there’s still more to be done, but they have time—and Cas has stopped his morning routine to watch Dean.

Dean is shaving, getting ready for their trip over to Sam and Eileen’s. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, something that Cas has watched countless times now.

But isn’t that the point?

That he has this privilege now?

Dean’s eyes are trained on himself in the mirror as he drags the razor down his face, his guard completely dropped. Shoulders relaxed. The sun streams in through the window just past him, creating a halo of light around his bedhead. And he’s the most heavenly thing Castiel has ever seen. The most perfectly human thing.

If Cas had more grace flowing through his veins, it would have been impossible for his heart to skip a beat. Now it’s impossible for it to not.

He can feel it, his grace waning. The very thought of it used to terrify him.

Now he welcomes it. There are no dangers here in their quiet town. No monsters. He doesn’t need to be an angel, a soldier, a guardian. He just needs to be Dean’s.

He spies the gray hairs scattered across Dean’s scalp, thinks of when his will match.

Dean suddenly winces, hisses through his teeth, and Cas snaps to attention. His reverie broken. He moves to Dean’s side as Dean reaches up to wipe at the bead of blood on his neck.

Cas doesn’t think anything of it, reaching up like he always has, with a steadier hand and a more confident touch than he had years before. He brushes his finger over the skin, heals it.

And it flows out of him like a breath. His body feels heavier, his lungs smaller. His heart pounds.

He opens his mouth and shudders.

Dean’s smile falters. “Cas, you okay?”

Cas grips his arm for support, leaning into him, as his knees threaten to buckle.

“Cas?”

Dean’s eyes grow wide as he wraps his arms around him. His voice verges on panic. “What’s going on? Talk to me, babe.”

And the feeling passes. Cas’s body—no longer a vessel—adjusts, and he stands. Breathes out a shuddery breath.

Dean glances over him, stilling. “Was that it?” he asks quietly.

Castiel smiles.

“Yes.” His voice is soft.

Dean’s grip on his tightens before it relaxes, and he lets out a shaky breath, something between a laugh and a sob.

“Are you okay?” A careful question.

Cas looks down at himself, as if something would look different. But he still sees the same dark slacks, the same bee socks. The same ring on his finger.

He sees his paradise.

He takes Dean’s face in his hands, breathing in deep, filling his human lungs. He smells Dean’s shampoo.

“I’m okay.” He kisses him, slow and soft. “We’re okay. I promise.”

—writing tag list (ask to be added or removed)

@10x02 @adammlligan @blue-eyed-cutiepatootie @castiel-for-lunch @castiel-is-a-cat @castielsbeeslippers @ccstiel @deanwinchesteradjacent @destieldisaster @destielfactory @donvex @dstiel @ensignabby @expectingtofly @falling-through-void @feraladoration @fireghost-x @galaxies-of-the-heart @galaxycastiel @garthed @himitsubana @ialwaysordericedcoffee @im-sam-fucking-winchester @lalisfandoms @lateral-org @llamasdumpsterfire @marvells @nightandwine @okamigamer1 @prime-catra @ragingdeansexual @rainbowscas @starsdahb @starrynightdeancas @takemetotheworld @tearsofgrace @top13zepptraxx @van-dynex @winchester-novak @wormstacheangel @writtenmemxries @zeffiroh

[fromcenotaphy]

inside u there are two wolves. one is [awe. glory. wings like skies, light like silver water. the sharp ache of the divine juxtaposed with the mundane. the idea that a being of grace and power would reject the purpose for which they were birthed, and choose love, again and again. would retain forever a strangeness, the slight glint of otherness, and yet be loved unreservedly in return, loved utterly and fully by the humans they have claimed in kinship.] the other is [stubble. grey hairs and crows' feet. a body that aches and grows and feels and changes. the confrontation of mortality, tempered by the assurance of companionship. the inevitable curve of a character arc, like a summer's day drawing to a gentle epilogue. the idea of someone becoming. remaking their fate. giving up indescribable power in exchange for something sweeter. the joy of a life shared.] u are a fanfic writer trying to decide between endgame angel!cas and endgame human!cas.

[bedlund]

SPN specific fanfic tropes: human Castiel. Past (or present!) sex worker Dean. Sam knows Dean's feelings before he does/before he's talked a out it. Baby Jack. Bi/lesbian Mary. Punching out John Winchester. Gardener Cas. Dean and/or Sam retiring/semi-retiring.

ah so you want to see me cancelled. okay

A. i love human i cas love angel cas both can be done equally well i really don’t have a preference and i love au fics so i guess i read a lot of human cas even if not in a “human cas endgame” sense

D. sure there’s great conversation about this as a concept but when it comes to fic the vast majority of them are rotten. it’s a no from me

C. i don’t really seek this out. it can be good but the “hah i knew it all along you stupid fruit” reaction can be very annoying sometimes

B. anti baby jack mutuals i see you and i support you however fanart does make me weep. like you have to admit that little babies have to keep their hats on when it’s cold. baby jack fic is not something i seek out or have read a lot of but if someone i trust recommends one i’ll read it (stream the home we make together)

B. hell yeah @ the concept but i haven’t read many of it

B. maybe C. they have a very complex relationship with john, i, on the other hand don’t. bite him sammy kill him

A. for both gardener cas and retirement. i don’t want to see those old men hunt

give me a fanfic trope and i’ll grade it

[hawkland]

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a  happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.  

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic. 

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically: 

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?  

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

[theheartchoice]

dean/cas  |  15x13 coda  |  2.6k  |  (ao3) 

It feels strange, being back in his own clothes after wearing those of this world's Dean. Perhaps now that he's felt what is native to this universe against his skin, something from another universe, a place he called home, feels foreign in an understandable way. 

But it's more than that. Even back home he always felt like he was wearing someone else's clothes, living in someone else's skin. He loves hunting, loves his family, and at the very least has an appreciation for the funded support and security their life afforded them - especially after hearing what the other Winchesters have had to contend with. But at a certain point one may take stock of their life only to realise that the person in the mirror, however familiar, is also alien, somehow. 

However different their lives have been, the shock of meeting, of their paths converging, had worn off soon enough and was replaced with a respect for those differences. What this world's Sam and Dean have here is something he didn't know he wanted, and yet knows is vital to achieving true happiness. It was the very thing missing from his former life. 

Freedom. 

To not be dictated to, not have one's every move scrutenized, and not be restricted in the daily aspects of one's life - right down to the trivial, and moreover, the private. To wear what one wants, drink what one wants, live one's day as it comes and not be scheduled to the minute of every hour for months in advance. 

He mourns the loss of his world but he can't bring himself to miss it all that much. Things may be uncertain - which is a novel feeling - but they are no longer confined by Hunter Corp. or indeed the wishes (or rather, the demands) of their father. Here, they can live however they choose, and in meeting this world's Winchester brothers, in hearing their story, in learning about their world, he knows the possibilities outside of hunting are plentiful.

For the first time, retirement is a viable option. 

Laying the cherry-red-and-black plaid button-down on the bedspread, along with the dark crew-neck cotton shirt folded neatly, and the hip-riding jeans that do everything to flatter their respective bowleggedness, boots tucked in at the foot of the modest frame, he wonders if this world's Dean might allow him to keep one such outfit for himself. He's not certain if it's entirely his style, but he honestly doesn't know what his style is, yet. 

All he knows is that these clothes were comfortable; he's never known any garment to feel soft in that worn-in kind of way, a way his own clothes never had a chance to become. Blood stains and monster guts don't exactly wash out, even with their layers of top quality protective gear meant to keep it at bay, so every couple of months his wardrobe would cycle out and brand new pieces would filter in to fill his closet. It was like shedding one barely-worn skin for a stiff new one; nothing ever fit quite right, despite the tailoring. 

Slipping his beige jacket back on he reaches into the breast pocket and retrieves the pair of prayer-bead bracelets, sliding them back over his wrist. He hadn't wanted to remove them, but unlike his brother he heeded the warning of this world's Winchesters to make themselves appear authentic. His own clothes may not feel authentic to him - even less so now than they did previously - but these beads were chosen and paid for by him alone, with no middleman involved. They hold meaning, they are special, and perhaps the only thing not cycled out of rotation with the rest of his wardrobe when hunting made a mess of things. 

When he does change clothes again, he thinks, when he finds his own true sense of style and comfort, he knows these beads will stay with him; no matter what he wears, no matter where he goes, or who he discovers himself to be. 

There are three things that travelled with him through that portal that he knows are worth keeping, because they are real: his love for his brother, his love for his long-deceased mother, and his love for a lost Angel. 

  *  *  *

  Dean has said, as others have written, that soup is good for the soul. Now that Jack's soul has been restored - and his true appetite returned - it seems a fitting first meal. Which is why Castiel is currently defrosting a batch of Dean's homemade chicken soup in the microwave. 

He remembers the first time he tried to operate one of these machines; things did not go as planned. But the subsequent lesson from Dean had been worth cleaning up the mess. It had been just the two of them, standing side by side in the bunker's kitchen for what seemed to be longer than necessary to explain the basic functions and demonstrate to Castiel the best settings for particular needs - culinary, or otherwise. 

They've come a long way since then, despite their many painful trials. Castiel has learned much, and Dean's trust in him has grown. Even without words spoken, he knows this. He can feel it through the connection they share, have always shared, the profoundness of their bond; with his Angelic perception, Castiel can sense variations of emotion from Dean's soul. He can feel Dean's trust in him through the solid walls of the bunker just as he can see it in the form of a rotating container through a microwave window. 

There are some minutes left in the defrost-and-reheat cycle when the other world's Dean enters the kitchen. Castiel knows it's him before he speaks, before he himself turns around to see. 

"..Castiel?" 

It's Dean's voice, but not quite. Still, Castiel knows it as well as he knows Dean's soul: this Dean has something he wants to say. Castiel turns to face him, offering a friendly smile. "Hello, uhm.. Dean." It feels strange because it's Dean and not Dean, but it's not exactly the first time this has happened, so he pushes through the strangeness of it all. 

"Hi." His eyes are bright as they flick to the microwave humming on the benchtop. "I was hoping we could talk. Do you have a moment?" His smile is tentative, warm, but edged in sadness. It's familiar, in a way. The fidgeting of his hands is something new, but Castiel knows Dean to fidget in other ways when something is on his mind and making him restless, nervous, even. 

"Of course." Castiel moves to round the counter as the other Dean steps forward to join him. 

"There's something I want to ask you, before we leave." 

It had been a matter of tense discussion on the drive back from the church; while Jack slept beside Castiel, Dean, Sam and himself had talked about the Winchesters from the other world: where they should go, whether they would be safe from Chuck, whether they should stay in the bunker for a time - which was something neither Sam nor Dean found agreeable, and Castiel had conceded that it would not be sustainable. 

With Billie's plan in motion and Chuck's own endgame nearing, the safest place for the other Sam and Dean is as far away from the bunker as possible, for now at least. If they failed in their mission, however, no place in the world, or in any realm, would be safe for anyone. 

"You cook?" 

Is this the question the other world's Dean had wanted to ask him? "I.. microwave." A shy smile sneaks onto Castiel's face and the other Dean nods, looking perplexed. "Dean cooks, I just.. help where he needs me." 

"Oh." His face falls. "We've.. never needed to. Cook, I mean. There's always been room service, restaurants, and the like when we're away on a case. And we have―had―personal chefs at the estate, so.." 

"Ah. I see." The reminders of the loss of their world must be everywhere. Castiel wishes he knew this Dean well enough to know what to say to lessen the pain. Despite his mostly cheerful demeanor, Castiel can see the fluctuations in the wavelength of this Dean's soul; he is hurting. And this is familiar: observing Dean feeling one thing but expressing another. 

He can't help but wonder how much of the Dean he knows is carried through to other worlds, other Deans. Do they all have a love for cooking, or a desire to learn how to cook? Do they all have an unparalleled care for some sort of vehicle? Are there Deans out there who Castiel would not recognise by sight or sound? 

"You're an Angel." 

The statement brings his attention back into focus. "Yes." 

"And yet, you're so.." 

Castiel raises an eyebrow. 

"..human." 

Oh. It is possible, despite the spellwork needed for them to open a rift into an alternate universe, that this Dean has not encountered any Angels himself, or at least not ones who have made their home on Earth, among humanity; changing day by day, becoming more like humans in innumerable small - but not insignificant - ways. 

"It's just.. peculiar. My Castiel―" 

"―Your Castiel?" The clothing, the mannerisms, the stories of their world all differentiate this Dean from the one Castiel knows. But it's still jarring to hear that, of all things, in Dean's voice; to be claimed, in a way. Not like ownership but familiarity; intimacy. He's almost unwilling to let their conversation progress until this Dean clarifies what he meant. 

"Uhm," the other Dean clears his throat at what Castiel knows is his own visible confusion. "There was an Angel, in our universe, also named Castiel, but.." he looks away; at the floor, the wall, the microwave and it's container of soup. "We never met." Castiel waits, watching him as he watches the soup, until he says, quiet, "Not in the mortal realm, at least. He was.. out of my reach―quite literally―but.. he saved me, once. He watched over me.. And I would pray to him, now and then. Talk to him. Thank him.. Ask him how things were in the divine realm," he chuckles softly, ducking his head. 

"Did he.. respond?" Castiel keeps his voice equally quiet, suddenly eager to know as much as he can about this other Castiel and his relationship with this Dean. 

"In a way. Not with words, but he would.. visit me. In my dreams." 

Castiel has many questions, but the other Dean pushes on. 

"I was just wondering if you knew what happens to them. To Angels." He glances up at Castiel. "Where do you go?"

"Go? You mean..?" 

"I don't know what happened, exactly, but a few years ago the dream-visits stopped. And now, with our world gone, I just.." He lets go a sigh, shoulders drooping on the exhale. "You being an Angel, I hoped you might have a real answer. One way or another." His eyes are sad, his soul less luminous, for a moment, and it's achingly familiar; it's the presence of loss, deep in one's being. Castiel deplores the sight of it, the all too familiar pull of it. 

He wishes he knew the answer, if only because for certain things not knowing is worse than knowing, even if the outcome is not what one hoped for. It's a cruel reality, living with false hope. But, when there is no certainty, one cannot assume there is no hope. 

"Your world may have been vastly different to ours, in many ways―including your Angels, for all I know. But if there's one thing I've learned in my time here, in this world, it's that nothing is really impossible. You being here, now, proves that, I think." 

The other world's Dean brightens some, his soul noticeably less pained, however slight the change may be. The persistence of sadness dulls it in ripples, but sparks of hope shoot through the shadows. "Thankyou." His smile is less tentative as he turns to take his leave. 

The timer beeps, but before Castiel can retrieve a bowl from the cupboard the other world's Dean speaks up again. 

"He's lucky to have you." Castiel stills, glancing toward the doorway, seeing only earnestness in this Dean's face and soul just as he hears it carry through his voice. "I hope he knows that." With a small wave he disappears into the corridor, leaving Castiel to ponder on that sentiment, wondering whether the distance that his relationship with Dean has come in all these years is as far as it will ever go.  

 *  *  *

 It's instinctual. 

It's been a long time coming, and Dean feared maybe it never would, that Jack might never be himself again, but it's him. It's their kid, sitting hunched over and alone, tears of remorse flooding his voice and spilling down his cheeks. 

Dean's arms are wrapped around him, gathering him into a hug before he even registers his feet having moved. He tightens the embrace as Jack's chest jumps with hiccups, his hands grasping at Dean's shirt, tears soaking through the layers of cotton and warming his skin in a way that tears shouldn't; but this is Jack. 

As much as Dean can tell Jack's hurting right now, he also knows this is a good thing. The same way he knows it was a good thing when Sam got his soul back, and when Cas was freed of the Leviathan, and when Dean himself was rid of the Mark of Cain. 

They all have baggage. They've all done bad things they can't undo, and it hurts. But none of them were themselves when those things went down. And he's so tired of being angry, tired of defaulting to hatred, tired of not being able to change things for the better, to undo what's been done. 

But this right here―? This kid, pained and crying into his chest, snot and all―? It's a win. 

Sam sits on Jack's other side, rubbing his shoulder and back, letting him know he's there for him, too. They all are. Jack gravitates to him after a little while, leaning into his side as Sam pulls him near. Cas sits opposite them at the little wooden table, their family huddled together in the residual warmth of the kitchen, each of them silently reeling from the events of the day. 

They're one step closer to defeating Chuck, according to Billie, but for once it didn't cost them anything; instead of losing something, they gained something, someone. 

Dean catches Cas' eye across the table, presses his leg up against his where no-one can see. He smiles a tired, hopeful thing, wishing he was dumb enough or daring enough to reach across the scant space between them and take one of Cas' hand in his where they rest folded in front of him. 

Cas returns his smile, looking just as tired, just as hopeful, his leg pressing against Dean's under the table, and it feels like an answer to a question Dean still doesn't know how to ask. 

 *  *  *

 At a rest-stop by the Kansas state line bordering Oklahoma, while his brother fusses with a paper map and wonders aloud why on Earth this world's Winchesters don't have a dedicated GPS for each of their procured vehicles, Dean takes a moment outside of the car.

Under the fading stars as dawn approaches, prayer beads held in his hand instead of adorning it, he voices an invocation; murmured between his lips, held close to his heart, sent out into the universe―to every universe―impelled by his soul. 

Just one word, born of and survived by hope. 

A name. 

.. Castiel ..

[naruhearts]

Deep breaths...

Ok, I see that people (myself included — of course no one wants permanent trouble in paradise; no one wants lovers’ angst) are severely upset over the 14x18 promo of Dean yelling and being angry at Cas (plus this alternate version, which seems to make it more clear that Dean is actually addressing him).

I stood back and looked at this from various possible narrative/characteristic angles. This lovely fandom is in need of gentle reminders. 

Firstly, most of us have speculated that Mary may be the one who dies, and now that 14x17′s aired alongside establishing the gloomy direction SPN’s narrative is heading towards re: TFW fracturing apart a final time, I definitely believe it’s her (I’ll watch 14x17 in full if I can sometime tomorrow). Calm before the storm, then the storm shall pass.

Secondly, we know that Dean Winchester has been conditioned since childhood to handle and confront grief in unhealthy ways — ineffectively compartmentalizing his emotions and bottling them up until they’re released in an explosive display of vitriolic upset words — and although he’s made fantastic progress in Season Who Am 14 (SO much good catharsis, positive growth and self-introspection on his part!!), this is another case of necessary regression.

Thirdly, if we are correct and Mary does die — killed by unifying TFW mirror Jack (who is now undergoing his Winchester Dark arc and poised to navigate his own dualism as a Nephilim: angelic nature vs human nurture) — Dean’s reaction to Cas not telling him about Jack’s condition makes sense. This can absolutely call back to S5/6 (6x20 in particular -> Cas resurrected a soulless Sam, and the repercussions of that, mirroring dark Jack’s own soullessness in S14, were dire; in S14 Cas is once again seeking his father WOW the Samulet!!) with grief-stricken heartbreak and betrayal being the one primary emotion funnelling through Dean’s hurt. Also recall Dean’s understandable cruelty towards Jack re: Cas’ death in S13. It’s a pattern not far outside the realm of Dean’s canon personality.

Without reiterating 6x20 as a whole, point is, Dean’s subtextual spouse wasn’t transparent with him. In fact, they still aren’t wholly honest WITH EACH OTHER (again, final regression before final progression), and the remaining threads of miscommunication should finally come to a head/culminate into a lesson for both of them.

6x20:

x

Dean finding out about Cas’ deal with the Empty can truly apply, too. It’s a painfully similar characteristic premise — the Lover’s Betrayal trope. 

14x18:

Now, the core difference? Dean and Cas’ relationship is no longer the rocky distrustful one they had in S5/6 (amongst the growing subtextual pool of sexual attraction, which soon graduated from comic homoeroticism to serious romance in S7/8). It’s an inverted S5/6 redux, contrasting the Old vs New.

We’ve observed their tangible character development together onscreen, especially during the recent seasons of Dabb’s New Beginnings Era, where they deviate from dishonesty and learn to engage in better communication, trust, and mutual interdependence as a domestic unit; the subtext/narrative continue to frame Dean/Cas as overall solid and stable romantic partners — one is independent from the other yet their romance-grounded respect for their counterpart, of equal footing, is all-encompassing.

Destiel “have been through much together, you and I,” and I believe they are fully capable of moving past it. Emotional maturation, my friends. True love’s strength.

They’ll be okay. Dean’s feelings for Cas have undergone a drastic evolution since 2008: deep love and deep pain (yes @dotthings) go hand-in-hand. Do not forget canon, which speaks to Destiel’s resilience time and time again.

I can only hope, with a cautiously optimistic heart, that 14x18 — leading up to the S14 finale — emphasizes this as a final lover’s quarrel. It’s in-character and expected!! Trouble in paradise is temporary. Today’s SPN thrives on angst so that hope can be achieved. Personally, I choose to have faith...faith that Berens and Co will formulate a proper resolution for them, in that the Dean and Cas of S4-6 have been left behind. After all, this show ALWAYS throws curveballs, and it narratively fits if textual Destiel is the endgame!!

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2019 Day 27: Secret Relationship

Nice Day For A White Wedding | @castielslostwings Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3323 Main Tags and Warnings: Rock Star Dean Winchester, Gardener Castiel, Celebrity AU, Secret Relationship, Closeted Dean, Fluff, Smut, Rock Star Sam Winchester, Paparazzi, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay sex Summary: The buzz surrounding rock god Dean Winchester’s nuptials was unprecedented. For weeks now gossip rags, internet chatrooms, and the TV hosts of celebrity news shows had been analyzing and speculating on the particulars of the big day. The hottest topic of conversation, and probably at least half of the reason the anticipation was so crazy was that no one seemed to have any idea who the rockstar was marrying. Today, they’ll find out.

The Lost Art of keeping a Secret | @silverywhiteangelwings Rating: Explicit Word Count: 61945 Main Tags and Warnings: Established Dean/Cas, Secrets, Rape/non con (not between Dean and Cas), Angst with a happy ending, Fluff and smut Summary: Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak are two of the biggest movie stars on the planet and they’ve been secretly dating for the better part of two years. When Dean’s public girlfriend, up-and-coming indie actress Jo Harvelle, ‘breaks up’ with him to start dating Charlie Bradbury, the same time as he lands the role of a lifetime opposite Cas, that whole “secretly dating” thing? Yeah, that’s shot to hell. The kicker? There’s some leaked pictures of the two of them having sex on set, never-ending questions on the press tour for their movie, and even with all of that, it’s an accidental slip-up during a panel with fans that kills them. (Dean swears he didn’t mean to answer that girl’s question with “well when you’ve been with someone for as long as we have” but Cas is just glad he said it at all.)

Stolen Moments | @pherryt Rating: Mature Word Count: 4811 Main Tags and Warnings: Marriage of Conveniences, Castiel/Meg Masters, Dean Winchester/Jo Harvelle, hurt comfort, No cheating, willow tree, brief non explicit sex, Some angst, lots of feelings Summary: When the only way to be with the one you love is in those moments when no one else is looking... Dean and Cas both married for the sake of convention and so, it turns out, did their wives.

shut your mouth, baby, stand and deliver | @saltnhalo Rating: Mature Word Count: 3136 Main Tags and Warnings: Highwayman Dean, Nobleman Castiel Summary: Everyone knows that this stretch of road is notoriously dangerous - especially when it comes to the highwaymen. Castiel never should have gambled with his life.

Dirty Little Secret | @lemonsorbae Rating: Explicit Word Count: 1530 Main Tags and Warnings: Underage Sex, Fluff and Smut, Alternate Universe - High School, First Time, Sneaking Around, Sneaking Out Summary: High school AU. Dean and Castiel are sneaking around to be together.

Equals | @galaxystiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1372 Main Tags and Warnings: Prison AU, Human!Castiel, angst with a happy ending, graphic descriptions of violence, Summary: Castiel has one shot, and if it involves punching Crowley in the face? All the better.

Critique | @galaxystiel Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 3074 Main Tags and Warnings: AU, Human!Castiel, Chef!Dean, Food Critic!Cas, secret relationship, fluff Summary: Head Chef Dean Winchester has been waiting for years for renowed food critic Castiel Novak to visit his restaurant.

Hunting pseudonyms and disguises | @notfunnydean Rating: General Word Count: 2749 Main Tags and Warnings: fake/pretend relationship, Sam ships it, dean needs Cas, and a hug Summary: When a ghost starts to kill couples on their dates, Sam thinks Dean and Cas should pretend to date. Only so they can find the ghost more easily, of course.

Something only we know | @cas-lost-grace Rating: Explicit Word Count: 5285 Main Tags and Warnings: Porn with Feelings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Newly Human Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester Summary: It’s not easy when Castiel becomes human and it only makes it more complicated when Dean starts visiting his room in secret.

Restaurant Revelations | @almaasi Rating: General Word Count: 4599 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Canon, Restaurants, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Schmoop, Team Free Will, Family Dinners, Marriage Proposal, Engagement, Secret Relationship, Relationship Reveal, Oblivious Sam, Sam Ships It, Sam Finds Out, Fallen Angel Castiel, Human Castiel, Castiel Wearing Dean's Clothes Summary: Dean and Cas have something important to tell Sam. They don their cheap rental tuxes, and Cas takes out dinner reservations at an exclusive restaurant just for the occasion. Sam is surprised enough when he and Cas make it through the door. But Dean shows up five minutes late, and the restaurant's security protocols surely make it impossible for him to join them. The secret password is "fiancé". And somehow Dean knows without being told.

Waiting For That Final Moment | @almaasi Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 8964 Main Tags and Warnings: Alternate Universe - Human, Bisexual Dean, Buisnessman Dean, Asexual Castiel, Accountant Castiel, Fluff, Romance, Weddings, Rollerblades & Rollerskates, Roller Discos, 80's Music, Love Triangles, Non-Monogamy, Polyamory, Lisa Not Being an Asshole, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, Making Out, Drunken Kissing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Love Confessions, Marriage Proposal, Non-Endgame Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester Summary: Winchester Wheels roller rink is all prettied up for an epic 80s-themed wedding. In a few minutes, Dean and Lisa will be pronounced man and wife. But, on a day his life is meant to feel full and complete, Dean's heart is breaking, as his best friend Castiel is a no-show. Unbeknownst to Dean, Castiel is pacing outside, just waiting for the right moment to burst in and yell, "I OBJECT!"

Where's the Boyfriend? | @suckerfordeansfreckles Rating: General Word Count: 1212 Main Tags and Warnings: secret relationship, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, tears, emotional hurt/comfort Summary: When they first started this, a few weeks back when Dean couldn’t help fighting his desperate longing anymore and cleared the distance between himself and his best friend Cas where they were lounging in the grass of Cas’ backyard, they decided to keep it just between them for a while. Just… just to be sure.

[charlie-minion]

21 Supernatural Questions

I was tagged by @amwritingmeta – thank you for including me, sweetie. You’re so lovely! I gotta tell you that it honestly made my day when I read that one of my favorite meta writers considers my blog one of her favorites, so yeah… thanks! :’D

Now let’s tackle these super fun questions ;-)

1. When did you start watching Supernatural?

I remember I watched for the first time around 2009. Season 4 was on, here in my country, on Warner Channel. I’m sure that season had already finished in the U.S. at that time, but it was just starting to air here in El Salvador. I didn’t know anything about the show and I didn’t know what season that was either, but now I know it was 4 because all I remember was that some dude had rescued another dude from Hell. Period. I understood next to nothing about the plot because I hadn’t seen any episode prior to the beginning of S4. I caught a few episodes now and then and continued to watch for some time until the schedule changed. The eps started to air at 11:00 p.m. and I had to get up early for work, so I stopped watching.

In 2013, I spent one year living in North Carolina with my older sister. I was having a difficult time, so I moved to my birth country (USA) to escape everyone and everything. I had no TV in my room, but I had my laptop and my sis had the first 7 seasons of Supernatural, so I was like, “Hey! I might FINALLY understand that freaking show that looked so cool”. That’s how I started. I wasn’t planning to binge-watch the whole thing, but it became addictive pretty fast.

I loved the first 3 seasons, but once I got to season 4 and Castiel was introduced, I was hooked for real! When I watched season 5 and I saw the “I did it, all of it, for you” from 5x02, I started Googling Dean and Cas, because I was SO SURE I was seeing romance there, and I couldn’t be the only one. I was super excited when I found out there was a Supernatural FANDOM (back then I had no idea that was a thing). And I was even more excited when I learned about Destiel, about shipping, and about all the fandom culture. I joined Twitter, became a Misha stan because the more I read about him, the more I adored him, and I got caught up just in time to watch 8x17 live.

Can you imagine becoming a Dean/Cas shipper all on my own, doing research, finding out about Destiel and then the VERY FIRST EPISODE I watched live, while living in the U.S., was Goodbye Stranger written by Robbie Thompson?!! Those were the days!

I have been watching live, along with the fandom, ever since March 20, 2013. I joined Tumblr during the hiatus and started writing meta (accidentally) at the very beginning of season 9. So yeah! This show has been a very important part of my life for over 6 years now, and I don’t want to think about how things might change after the show ends. NOPE. Not thinking about it AT ALL. (At least not yet).

2. Who is your favorite in TFW?

I absolutely LOVE my three boys. I want them to be happy because they deserve it. But, we can all have a favorite, right? I was a Dean!girl when I started binge-watching. When Cas was introduced, I became a huge Cas fan, and I thought he had become my favorite. However, lately I’ve understood that I became a huge MISHA fan, and that’s a little different. If we’re talking about the SPN cast, Misha is and will always be my favorite because he’s a real life angel. I love that man with all I have! But, if we’re talking about the SPN characters, I have to admit that I will forever be a Dean!girl, no matter what.

I’ll continue after the cut because, apparently, it’s impossible for me to give brief answers :P

3. Who is your least favorite in TFW?

This question sounds cruel, but I want to understand it in a ranking way, not in an “I hate this character” one.

If I have to rank TFW, for me, it would be:

Dean

Cas

Sam

HOWEVER, let it be known that I love my three boys immensely, and I want a happy endgame for the three of them. If Dean and Cas had a happy ending, but Sammy didn’t, that would ruin it for me. Ranking doesn’t equal hating.

4. Tag your top 5 Supernatural blogs!

I’ve said I follow very few blogs because I curate my fandom experience a lot, but you guys make my time on Tumblr extraordinary. I enjoy seeing you in my dash, reading what you blog or reblog and just knowing that you’re around as part of this community. If you answer these questions, please tag me ‘cause I’d like to read what you got to say about our beloved show. Much love to each of you! ♥♥♥♥♥

@dimples-of-discontent @mittensmorgul @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @naruhearts @casthegrumpy @fangirlingtodeath513 @bluestar86 @viva-la-cockles @obsessionisaperfume @caswouldratherbehere @perfectlyelegantdelusion @occamshipper @amwritingmeta (and no, Annelie, I’m not tagging you because you tagged me; you truly deserve to be here). 

If you’re not tagged, please forgive my poor memory, but if we’ve talked before, or I reblog/like your posts, please know that I adore you. ♥

5. Who is your favorite character (not including TFW)?

Oh my! This is so hard to answer. Supernatural has had so many amazing characters that choosing only one is hard. But I guess I have to go with Charlie Bradbury. The only time I seriously considered to stop watching the show was when Charlie was killed off. I was very angry and disappointed, and 10x21 became an episode I truly hate. I don’t think I have ever re-watched the whole ep because the writing was SO BAD. Dean and Sam were stupid in that ep, and Cas was basically a lamp. I… NOPE. Disgusting episode for sure. And I lost my beautiful lesbian queen.

 6. Who is your favorite woman in Supernatural?

I should say Charlie again, but because she got covered in my favorite non-TFW character, I will choose someone else for favorite woman.

And that has got to be Rowena. I don’t think there has ever been a female character in Supernatural written better than Rowena. And because the show’s ending, there will never be.  

7. John or Mary?

Definitely Mary. We got to know her better. I know certain parts of the fandom didn’t care much for her, but I loved her a lot, not despite her flaws but because of them! She was made human in a realistic way. We had only seen the idealized version of her through Dean’s eyes, but once we got to meet the real Mary, it was something I enjoyed. John, on the other hand, is not a bad person, but he wasn’t the best parent. He loved his children, and I know that, but his love doesn’t negate all the crap he put his sons through, even if his intentions came from a good place. I like the closure the boys got with him in 14x13, though. I was not against it at all. But, as John would say in that ep, “Me versus your mom? That’s – that’s not even a choice.”

8. What were your first opinions of Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack?

Dean: Since the first moment I saw Dean, I knew he was faking and was trying to hide how broken he felt. That’s why I fell in love with him from the get-go.

Sam: My first opinion was that he was supposed to be the mature and detached brother.

Cas: I thought that he was meant to be the epitome for the enemies to friends trope. (And I added “to lovers” one season later).

Jack: The only opinion I had was that he was going to be the opposite of Lucifer. The characters were saying he was evil way too early for it not to be subverted. 

9. What’s your favorite season?

There are many seasons I love. I mean, this show has given us SO MUCH. But, season 8 is probably my favorite for two reasons. First of all, because it was the first one I watched live once I caught up. And to this day, the season finale still blows my mind.

And second, because it was when Carver took the reins of the show and did his best to fix the Gamble era. He gave the Dean/Cas dynamic a serious note, narratively speaking. I’ve said before that even though I shipped Destiel in the previous seasons, it wasn’t until season 8 that I saw an intentional development. It wasn’t played for kicks and laughs anymore, and it wasn’t just Misha’s and Jensen’s doing either. It was in the plot. The whole ‘I stayed one year in Purgatory just to get you back’ and all the ‘I couldn’t bear to think you didn’t want to come with me, so I chose to make it my fault’. Season 8 marked a new era, indeed, and Destiel became a real thing from then on, in my opinion.  

10. What’s your least favorite season?

Even though there are some episodes from that season that I truly love (and they’ve become memorable, like The French Mistake or The Man Who Would Be King), as a whole, I don’t enjoy season 6 much. After a formidable season 5, Sera struggled to keep the boat afloat and it shows. Season 6 is certainly the weakest.

11. Opinions on Destiel?

My whole blog was born because of Destiel, so? What do you want me to say? Hahahaha. Destiel is life. And I can divide my opinion in 4 (depending on the showrunner):

Destiel was a fortunate accident during the Kripke era. It was played for laughs and it was the result of whatever was going on between Jensen and Misha. Their chemistry had nothing to do with the script.

Destiel was a tool during the Gamble era. I don’t like to use the word “queerbait”, but I think the closest Supernatural has been to that was when Sera was the showrunner. It seems to me like she used the ship to lure the fandom and keep the audience, but it’s clear she had no intention of giving a resolution (we all know how she treated Misha, so…).

Destiel became an intentional part of the narrative during the Carver era. As I said before, it wasn’t until season 8 when you could clearly see that things were not accidentally there anymore. It wasn’t a joke, either. The ship sailed for real during the Carver era, but Jeremy was not allowed to give a resolution because the show continued to be renewed.

Destiel became canon during the Dabb era. I mean, I know people will argue that it’s not canon yet. And I understand what they mean. But, in my opinion, Destiel hasn’t been TEXTUALLY made canon, but when Andrew took the reins of the show, he made Dean and Cas sooooo married that I came to the conclusion explaining the subtext was unnecessary. It was WAY too in the nose to need explaining. So, I stopped trying hahaha. I don’t know if we’ll ever get Textual Canon Destiel, but in regards to Subtext, it can’t get more canon than that. And noooo, that doesn’t mean queerbait at all. Queercoding is a thing, you know?

12. Do you believe Supernatural queerbaits?

As per my previous answer, currently I don’t think Supernatural queerbaits. I do believe Dabb, Bobo and company want to give the Dean/Cas storyline a satisfying resolution. I have no idea what they will be allowed to do, but even if they can’t textually give us what we want, I have faith they will find a subtextually strong way to wrap things up. I enjoyed when Misha and Jensen explained in the DC Cockles panel the restrictions the CW puts, and I think it applies to so much more than blood and language.

13. Seasons 1-7 or 8-14?

Seasons 8-14, no doubt. For two reasons: 1) They are really good (and gave Destiel relevance) and 2) those are the seasons when I was already part of the fandom and could enjoy week after week.

14. Favorite villain (plot wise)?

I think Chuck is the best of the best. Because when we look back, we now know that all the other villains were thanks to Chuck’s machinations. Plot wise that’s amazeballs! I mean, the fact that we always thought (or hoped) that God was on the Winchesters’ side just to learn he was the villain all along. Chef’s kiss!

 15. Do you think they should end the Lucifer plot line?

I think they squeezed the freaking Lucifer plot line as much as they could… until it got to a point where I was sick of it. Everything related to Nick and Lucifer in season 14 was stupid and boring, to say the least. The plot line should have ended when Dean stabbed Lucifer. Although… I would have liked a better closure for Sam, but I’m good. As long as I don’t have to see Pellegrino again, I’m good.

16. Who do you think has gone through more trauma (Sam, Dean, or Cas)?

I don’t like this question and refuse to answer because trauma is NOT a competition (either in real life or in fiction). Trauma is trauma and it affects people. Something Sam went through was painful to him and that same thing may be less traumatic to Cas, but that doesn’t mean the repercussions and the suffering are less real for Sam, just because Cas suffered in other ways that may have affected him more. Trauma is personal. All I know is that the three of them have gone through A LOT and that’s why they deserve peace and happiness. Period.

17. What’s your favorite Supernatural episode?

There are more than 300 reasons to love this show. I mean, it’s almost impossible to choose ONE episode out of so many that I love. But for the sake of this question, I will answer with a very personal choice. My favorite ep could probably be 12x22 because of the moments between Dean and Mary. Dean needed a moment to finally say what he had been repressing all his life. All that hate mixed with all that love. He needed to let it out. And it was both gut-wrenching and beautiful to watch. I always cry when I see it (and I mean gross sobbing for real).

18. Do you like case episodes?

I like them most of the time. I don’t enjoy them so much when they air because I would like the plot to move forward, but it’s the case episodes where we learn more about what’s going on with our characters (their internal emotional battles) through other characters and subtext. It’s an interesting exercise, and that’s why I end up liking most case episodes in the end.

19. Who do you relate most to in TFW?

For people who have been following my blog for some time, this will come as no surprise. I relate the most to Dean Winchester.

In fact, I AM DEAN. I can find in my life every single thing about Dean’s journey. I came to accept my sexuality thanks to Dean (first as bisexual, and later as demisexual once I became more educated). I have felt worthless and like I don’t deserve to live or to be loved, just as much as Dean. I have felt like a burden, like I’m here just to help/please others, and if I’m not doing that, then I’m failing at life.

I get why Dean lashes out and hurts the people he loves even though he’s so afraid to lose them. I understand why Dean builds huge walls to protect himself from being hurt and what he needs to grow. Because his struggles are my struggles. And now I’m crying, so I better move on to the next question.  

20. Why do you like Supernatural?

I like Supernatural because I’ve been able to learn about myself thanks to the characters. Despite being a genre show, the personal journeys (character arcs) have been so real and relatable that I truly think this show is a masterpiece. The fact that I’ve grown as a human being thanks to an ordinary TV show is incredible. I don’t think there will ever be another show like Supernatural in my life.

21. If you could bring back one character and kill off another who would they be?

I would bring back Charlie. The original Charlie. I mean, I know we have seen lovely Felicia Day again thanks to AU!Charlie, but I couldn’t connect with her the same way I did with the original one. Probably because not even the boys have been able to connect with her the same way, either. They see her and they will always see the little sister they lost. It’s hard to think of AU!Charlie as her own person if she always reminds you of the one you lost. ETA: I forgot who I would kill. I guess no one. I mean, if Lucifer were still around, I'd kill him. Or Nick. I just got tired of his face.

Wow! This turned into a very long post, but I had so much fun.

I tag EVERYONE who would like to do this as a way to pay tribute to our wonderful show. Much love to y’all!

[deansawthetvglow]

2, 9, and 14 for them sweet sweet Destiel asks!!

Ooooo yeah love them okay okay

Also disclaimer mobile is spacing this answer SO weird so just ignore that lmao

Doing this !

Fave destiel moment

Okay SOOOO many but like..I dunno I just really love S8 destiel, like the whole “where’s the angel” “i’m not leaving here without you” “i think i’m seeing him” story line. Like idk if that counts as a moment, but I just really think that all made it so clear to me that Destiel is being Written Romantically. Like idc if people deny it at that point, you can’t just logically omit the destiel story line from your memory at that point. I shipped destiel earlier on, but yeah, s8 is what got me so convinced and hooked that OH MY GOD, its actually ROMANTIC like fULLY, like INTEGRAL TO THEIR CHARACTERS

I think i answered that one once w a diff answer long ago, but thats how im feelin tn lmao

Most heartbreaking

Jesus okay...so I would say 12x23-13x05 bc I just could feel for dean, his grieving process, his pain his hurt and Cas trying so hard to get back to his human, BUT the ones where they make a CHOICE that separates them hurt me more.

So like 9x03-06, seeing cas as the most beautoful pure human struggling to survive without the one attachment he has to humanity?? And dean telling him he can’t stay?? My heart BROKE at that, and I know that in the end, Dean didnt have a choice at the time BUT Cas thought there was a decision made there. And that rejection, the way Cas must have felt looking into deans eyes and seeing him asking him to leave...pleading with him??? Ugh.

Also just gonna add in the “we are” “i think its time for me to move on” s15 sequence because those scenes were SO powerful and seeing dean feel so hopeless and cas feel so worthless ??????? Yeah, I still cant even process it tbh, I’m just waiting for the floodgates to open at this point

s15 DeanCas predictions

I thought I had this down pat until i watched the jaxcon panels which have me equally so optimistic for endgame destiel and ALSO so terrified bc its looking so positive...so I’m gonna ignore endgame for now and just comment on some little pieces.

Cas is gonna die, or get taken by the empty. Will it be mid season finale? Mid season premiere? Idk but i think itll be around then...and i think his death will cause some major confusion/miscommunication stuff

I think Cas (along w team free empty (i forget who coined that phrase but shout out if they see this) are gonna undermine Chuck

I think Dean is gonna finally tell Cas how he feels, or at least admit it to Sam

I think that Dean is going to explain what happened and his logic around everything but that things still wont be perfect, y’know? Like itll be a step, but i think the burn will continue to be slow and developing throughout the next many episodes. I think it’ll be this air of...okay something is going to happen...but when? And how?

So yeah idk, i have more probably but my thumbs hurt now lol

Thanks for asking !!!

[littlehollyleaf]

Name ten favourite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.) 

Then tag ten people

Tagged (ages ago, whoops!) by @castiel-saved-me-from-myself 

(I’m sorry, I got distracted!)

1.Supernatural. Castiel.

Obviously. I may be out of the fandom now, but I’ve never loved a character as much as Cas, and probably never will.

2. Good Omens. Aziraphale.

Thought I’d put both my darling angels at the top :) I suspect that without Zira there to pave the way Castiel may not even have existed, so I love him double - for himself and for Cas as well :p 

While really quite different when it comes to their personalities (just think how Zira would SHUDDER at Cas’ trenchcoat), they share a lot of character traits and tropes (mini-series!Zira anyway, maybe less so in the book, or less obviously anyway), so, no surprise that I should adore them both. I’ve also said before, and I stand by it, that Aziraphale is sort of a combination of my favourite aspects of both Cas and Dean in one, with Cas’ struggle with Heaven/god and trying to be a good angel and finding he loves humanity/earth more, plus Dean’s whole ‘performing Dean’ thing and repression of queer feelings he is scared to admit to (out loud) because he believes they are somehow ‘wrong.’ 

...just to give a little insight into my feelings about these two that was neither needed nor asked for...

4. Hellblazer. NBC Constantine. Legends of Tomorrow. John Constantine. 

Aaaand the other guy I love twice because Cas, and indeed spn in general, kinda owe their existence to him. Though in turn his fabulous live action portrayal by Matt Ryan probably owes its existence to spn and Castiel’s popularity. So... there’s a weird ouroboros situation happening with my favs here that makes my head spin whenever I think about it, but I love it - stories within stories built on stories feeding off stories, which connects to wider themes of story and storytelling being vital and intrinsic to life and stuff.

Anyway, despite his wardrobe, Johnny is NOTHING LIKE CAS. He is, in fact, a lot like Dean. But I like him more. Maybe because he’s British :p He has the whole ‘repressing his feelings’ things, a bit like Zira, but it’s not because he thinks they are wrong, it’s more of a coping mechanism to deal with the constant tragedy/trauma his life/lifestyle/fate causes him to suffer. But whatever the reason, I like my characters facing that struggle :) (actually the British element is probably way more significant to my enjoyment of him than I’ve been fully aware of... that’s probably why I loved Zira so fast as well... obviously they are both a completely different class of British, literally, but the fact they ARE British is INTRINSIC to both their characters, and I guess a little, vaguely patriotic part of me is excited by that... :p)

4. Gotham. Edward Nygma.

Since I’ve started giving explanations - I love Eddie because he’s also got the whole ‘emotionally repressed’ / out of touch with (his) emotions thing going on (as seen in Zira and Cas), but with the addition of various geeky / ‘tech guy’ character traits that I also love.

5. Doctor Who (Classic). Vislor Turlough.

I waxed poetic once about how I liked Gotham’s Edward Nygma because he reminded me a bit of Turlough. That was early on in my Gotham days though and given how Eddie developed I don’t see as many similarities now. Turlough shares some of Eddie’s ‘dark’ traits however - self-centered, often lacking in empathy for others and nonplussed (sometimes even happy) to see them get into trouble or hurt. But ultimately his attempts to be self-serving and cowardly end up thwarted by him developing feelings for specific individuals despite his best efforts, which is what I enjoy about him (and actually that’s a lot like Eddie still, huh... their endgame’s are opposing though ofc - while Eddie goes on to embrace being a villain, Turlough gives up on villainy and even becomes a bit of a hero, now and then). Plus, Turlough is the ONLY Companion (IIRC?) to have joined the Doctor specifically in order to MURDER him and... idk, I just think that’s cool :P

6. Doctor Who (New). Donna Noble.

(I’m trying not to double up on fandoms/shows so I can cover more, but New and Classic Who count as different things, kinda, right...?)

Donna doesn’t really fit any of the character traits I’ve talked about above, though I guess her low self-esteem is something that all my other favs share in various ways (though it’s not such an EXPLICIT aspect of their characters and story arcs as it was for Donna I’d say). What I first loved about her was that after YEARS of New companions (and other randoms) being literally in love with the Doctor, she had a strictly platonic relationship with him. Yeah, I think maybe the show was a bit heavy-handed about it, but even so it came as a huge breath of fresh air and frankly a RELIEF to me. Not that I’m opposed to the Doctor having romantic/sexual  relationships, it was just that... coming from a childhood love of the Classic series where that just... didn’t happen (save a fleeting kiss in the TV Movie - which I actually enjoyed fyi!), it just... idk, was starting to stretch my credulity that EVERYONE seemed to be falling for him maybe? Or at least for me it was growing tiresome. So the fact she didn’t have that element to her character/story was a plus. Then I just adore how loud and brash she is when calling anyone, including the Doctor, out on their shit (I envy her that maybe). Plus I like the way she isn’t... traditional TV pretty, you know? (ie. young and slim, like a lot of other companions).

...or maybe I just like redheads *shrug emoji* 

7. Spartacus. Naevia.

(she has two actresses okay? and they both deserve kudos!)

Truth is I love FUCKING EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW. Spartacus is like... my PERFECT SHOW. There isn’t a single moment, a single plotline, a single character that I don’t enjoy. I have never even CONSIDERED looking up or writing fic because the finished product is completely satisfying exactly as it is. God. But I wanted it represented in this list so I had to pick someone!

Considering the time period there couldn’t really BE a ‘geeky, emotionally repressed with low self-esteem’ character :p BUT nearly ALL of the characters have the whole ‘struggle to understand/discover who they are’ thing and the ‘who I am and want to be is counter to who I’ve been told I am / should be’ arc, on account of the main cast being rebelling slaves (though the other characters are equally complex and compelling and I love them too - Lucy Lawless in particular is incredible!). Anyone who’s seen me blog about the show before might have thought I’d pick either Agron or Nasir as my favs, since I do like to squee over their romance. But whenever I think about the show it’s usually Naevia who I remember first, because her character arc/development just BLEW ME AWAY. She went from someone I’d kinda dismissed at first as a typical het love interest to a WARRIOR GODDESS and you SEE all the key moments of that growth, you FEEL it, it makes ALL THE SENSE. And her romance with Crixus, which again I was initially a bit dismissive of as a typical, sudden, weak het romance, grows into, imo, one of the deepest, most developed, most believable love stories in the show. So yeah. Naevia. Amazing.

8. Due South. Ray Vecchio. 

(he’s the guy not the dog - gifs were limited! ...also the dog is actually a wolf, it’s a whole thing... that doesn’t need exploring at this juncture)

Ray was my first TV crush :P He had a bit of a sidekick vibe to him I guess, which I like (lead characters tend not to interest me as much). He wasn’t ‘geeky’ exactly, but he def had the ‘trying to look/act cooler than I am’ thing going on... also an obsessive attachment to his vintage car... meanwhile his partner Benny was the stoic, ‘British, stiff upper lip, keep emotions in check’ one who was always trying to live up to the ideal persona dictated by his people/employers, in this case the Royal Canadian Mounted Police... HUH, so... it’s actually SUPER WEIRD that I ended up loving Cas and Zira over Dean and Crowley when it seems pretty clear suddenly that my first big fictional fav was CLEARLY the Dean-Crowley to Benny’s Cas-Zira......?? Ray was FUNNY in a way Dean and Crowley aren’t though, I think? He def filled a ‘comic relief’ slot on the regular and I liked that a lot (it also made his serious, angsty moments EXTRA serious and angsty, and extra angst is something I always love!)

9. The Librarians. Eve Baird.

Remember this little show? It was... is... sorta ridiculous. Not amazing. Based on some... very cheap, very OBVIOUS Indiana Jones rip-off films, that were also ridiculous and... not... great (the third one is the best, with an awesome performance by Stana Katic aka Kate Beckett as a vampire, but I digress). But... idek, I am EXTREMELY FOND of the series for some reason :p

There are a WHOLE BUNCH of characters that fit my ‘type’ more than Eve tbh... in fact... probably every.single.other.main.cast.member (save perhaps Jenkins?) shares the traits above that typically make a character my fav. But... EVE! I just... think she’s neat! ...maybe it’s BECAUSE all the others are main/lead characters that makes me gravitate towards her? In a cast where ‘geeky, socially awkward, struggles with emotions’ is the norm, Eve being the no-nonsense, socially competent, badass soldier type therefore becomes different and thus more interesting to me? Also, much like with Donna, I appreciate that she’s an older woman who gets to have a full character and plot of her own. There’s also something about her romance with Flynn that... makes me feel warm and fuzzy.

10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jonathan Levinson.

(tumblr gif search failed me so I had to grab from elsewhere...)

Listen. Look. Okay. Buffy is pretty old school these days so, for anyone not in the know, as a character, originally, Jonathan... he wasn’t even a side character, he wasn’t even REOCCURRING, he was barely a background character. For several episodes he didn’t have a name and it wasn’t until several seasons after he became ‘Jonathan’ that he actually got a surname. Danny Strong was just an actor who happened to be occasionally on-hand when the script called for a random to have a line, until eventually that happened often enough for Joss to think ‘hey, you know what, let’s make this guy an actual part of the show...’ 

He got a couple of episodes focused on him in S03 and S04 respectively, but didn’t become a regular until S06 (and wasn’t in S05 AT ALL). Other than that he had a HANDFUL of ‘blink and you’ll miss it’ moments here and there, not even full scenes for the most part, usually lasting no longer than the above gif.

I tell you all this so that when I say childhood me (well... somewhere between 12 and 14 years anyway) was OBSESSED with this character in the show, and I mean O B S E S S E D (to the point of spending hours painstakingly making VHS recordings purely of the episodes he was in), you understand how UTTERLY BIZARRE that was. Because this obsession pre-dated S06. Was, in fact, in full swing during the airing of his S04 episode - which was, like, a fucking DREAM COME TRUE for freakily obsessed me fyi, because the whole episode was constructed with him as the LEAD CHARACTER, because he’d performed a spell to make him super awesome. They even changed the title sequence to read ‘Jonathan’ instead of Buffy! And while other fans were no doubt just lol-ing at the random I was bouncing about on my sofa all ‘MY TIME HAS COME!’ and fucking SWOONING over seeing MY CHARACTER suddenly in the spotlight and getting to do crazy fun OOC shit like this -

Then when S06 rolled around and HE WAS A LEGIT REGULAR, omg, I was in HEAVEN! First TV boxset I ever bought that - Buffy S06 :P

So... yeah. A bit of a fav. Geeky. Outcast. Slowly grows more morally grey, what with that spell I mentioned and also the fact he was teamed with the ANTAGONISTS in S06. I guess you could say he was the beginning of a lot of my fav fictional character traits/tropes (though looking back - I think his ‘villainous’ teammates in S06, Andrew and Warren, are more my ‘type’ these days, and I did end up loving Andrew especially a whole damn lot, but at the time I’d been a Jonathan fangirl for so.fucking.long. there was just no chance anyone else in the show was ever gonna come close to my heart!)

THE END.

Sorry not sorry for the tmi. I got a bit too into this one.

Actually sorry I have so few women on the list :( Internalised misogyny/sexism is a real thing and I spent a lot of my life being... somewhat unfairly dismissive of female characters or at least prioritising male ones over them. I’m working on it.

Ten people is SO.MANY. to tag. But I might as well do this right this time, since I’ve come so far. But if you’d rather not play, no worries! <3

@enchantersnight @momecat @bold-sartorial-statement @vampirebillionaire @edwardnashtons @miss-olivia-cellophane @knightinpinkunderwear @supes9 @leaper182 @hamburgergod

Honourable mentions (because I CAN):

Gotham. Lucius Fox.

Gotham. Fish Mooney.

Gotham. Tabitha Galavan.

Doctor Who. The Doctor.

Doctor Who. The Master/Missy.

Supernatural. Hannah.

Supernatural. Naomi.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Andrew Wells.

[mittensmorgul]

Hello. Is there a chance that you know when the decision about Chuck beeing the villain of the entire show was made? And more specifically was season 9 written with this point of view?

Hi there! I’m sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days, but I’ve been turning it over and over in my head trying to figure out how to actually answer. Because I don’t think this is something that was like the writers just suddenly decided, and began plotting everything else in the story around that fact, you know? And while it might be interesting to puzzle over, it doesn’t affect how I personally engage with the show.

I’ve written many times about the difference between a Watsonian Reading of a text versus a Doylist Reading of a text, and why sometimes understanding the Doylist might inform the watsonian read you’re willing to accept, so I can understand the interest in wondering if there was a moment in the writing room where it was declared that Chuck Was Not A Good Guy, and that the entire story should be told with that underlying assumption. For me, personally, it’s been clear since 4.18 that Chuck was not really a good guy, long before it was revealed that he was really God.

Was this always the intent of the writers? We just don’t know. I don’t think it matters. He always came across to me (ESPECIALLY in 5.22) as a self-important dick... but I know a lot of people really love his monologue on everything, and have always had rather warm feelings about it. So was their intent to make him seem smugly self-satisfied from the start, or is that an angle that later showrunners and writers seized upon and played up? Does it even matter when the story has made it clear now that Chuck has been the villain of the entire show from the start?

I understand how my personal opinion from the start here has probably made it easier for me to roll with the more recent canon revelations about Chuck than it would be for folks who have always believed that Chuck was a Good Guy from the start, that God would ultimately be on their side, or that if God wasn’t actively helping them, it was only because he was testing them or having them prove themselves to themselves or whatever. I understand people have clung to the notion that he was essentially still a good guy, even through all the shadiness. I just... could never see him that way.

ESPECIALLY after s11. I don’t think Chuck’s characterization has really changed since then. It’s just been... unmasked for what it really is. I think everything Chuck The Prophet was saying back in 4.18 about being a cruel and capricious god was... pretty on the nose. Then again, I’m fairly sure that Andrew Dabb took over the showrunning duties in mid-s11, and began setting up what he knew would eventually become the series endgame run, with Chuck as the final big bad. So that run up to the end of s11... was Dabb’s doing...

I don’t really know how much Chuck’s character (his fictional being, in addition to just... his personality, like how we’d talk about the character of real people, the quality of his essential being or whatever) played a part in the writing from 5.22 when he “vanished” through 10.05 when he appeared to tell Marie “not bad” at the end of her musical, and then again from that point until he dragged Metatron to the bar at the end of the universe in 11.20. I’m fairly certain that as soon as they began writing s11 and determined that Amara would be “God’s sister” that they knew that Chuck would have to make an appearance eventually. And the entire storyline of the MoC having been derailed and repurposed in mid s10 likely facilitated the escalation of the story. But again... I’ve written heckloads of stuff about s10, the accordion plot, how Carver had been writing toward a series finale in 10 until they got word they’d be renewed and wanted to keep going, and jerked the whole story onto a completely different narrative track in the back half of s10. As a seasonal arc, s10 will forever be my least favorite, because it’s just... a mess. Yes, even s6 comes across more coherent than s10, just looking at the overarching narrative structure. Episode wise, s10 probably wins for a few stellar entries, but yeeeeeesh, it’s a structural disaster overall.

But I have a tag for that, and lots and lots of posts, and Carver himself saying that this was exactly what happened there, so... I think it’s probably valid to say that the writers really hadn’t even thought much about Chuck until the MoC became about the Darkness in 10.23, and then they had to invent a whole mythology to bring in this super-powerful God-level power to the story, and “God’s sister!” sounded like a solid plan...

So I’d say that Chuck was being set up at that point to have to answer for his “original crime” of locking up the Darkness, you know? Though I don’t know how much of how it played out by the end of s11 was Carver’s doing, or Dabb’s. I am fairly certain that from the moment Dabb took over (quietly mid-s11, and possibly knowing he’d be tapped to take over before then and beginning to lay down tracks toward his eventual story plan, and then completely by 11.23) that what we’re seeing play out in s15 was always his intent.

But in s9? I don’t think Chuck was really even on any of the writers’ radar, at all. Even if they all were working from the perspective that he was God in the Supernatural universe. I just don’t think it affected what they were writing, you know?

Well, I mean, there’s earlier episodes where God was referenced... I mean 5.16 Dark Side of the Moon (hey, written by Dabb!) where we learned that God knew all about their problems, but he didn’t think it was HIS problem... I mean from that moment on, it’s really difficult to think of God as a charcacter who’s on their side, you know? And the end of the story he’d been content with was Sam in Hell for eternity, and Dean miserable in suburbia for eternity, and Cas probably being subjugated by Heaven and the Apocalypse starting again anyway... I mean... ew...

Or in 6.20, when Cas prayed to God, begging for a sign, begging for help, to do the right thing, he got NOTHING in return, zip, zilch. He did the only thing he could, and in retrospect, wasn’t releasing the leviathans something Chuck was probably deliriously happy about? More monsters and mayhem! A beloved hero character becoming the villain in the process! I mean, in s9 when Metatron was “Playing God” and trying to write his own story of the universe, isn’t this exactly the story he wanted to create too? Kinda on the nose there, even if they weren’t actively portraying Chuck himself as the bad guy here. They were explicitly telling us that Metatron was literally rewriting God’s playbook as self-insert fanfic.

So even if they weren’t actively writing Chuck as the big bad, they used Metatron-- the scribe of God-- to fulfill that function. In 11.20, when Chuck talks with Metatron about his turn playing God:

CHUCK: You know, you really are a terrific editor, Metatron.METATRON: (Chuckles.) Well, I was a terrible writer. A worse god. It's good I've got something going for me.CHUCK: (Takes off his glasses and stops typing.) Yeah, you know, I have to say, I didn't see the whole evil-turn thing coming.METATRON: Mm-hmm.

CHUCK: (Chuckling.) Why did you try to be me?METATRON: That was just a sad, pathetic cry for attention.CHUCK: (Chuckling.) Who's attention were you trying to get?METATRON: Yours.

He takes all of this and tries to turn it around, to deflect blame from himself as if he hadn’t literally done everything Metatron did, and more.

METATRON: It wasn't just the saps who were praying to you. The angels prayed, too. And so did I – every day.CHUCK: I know.METATRON: You want to sell the best-selling autobiography of all time? You explain to me – Tell me why you abandoned me. Us.CHUCK: Because you disappointed me. You all disappointed me.METATRON: (Stands up and looks at CHUCK with wet eyes.) No, look. I know I'm a disappointment, but you're wrong about humanity. They are your greatest creation because they're better than you are.(CHUCK starts to look more guilty as he looks at METATRON.)METATRON: Yeah, sure, they're weak and they cheat and steal and... destroy and disappoint. But they also give and create and they sing and dance and love. And above all, they never give up! But, you do!

But even after Metatron’s sacrifice, even after everything nearly falls apart, Chuck STILL tries to weasel out of responsibility for anything, still tries to deflect and minimize, even blames Amara for why he had to lock her away in the first place. And that hasn’t changed about him one whit, from the start right through the present. It’s always been an essential part of his character, and he’s been called out on it repeatedly in s15 by Becky, by Amara, by Sam, by Dean... probably by Michael, too. Like... this is how he’s always been, it’s how he’s always been written, even if the intent had never been to explicitly unmask him as the ultimate big bad of the entire series until the end of s11.

Like Amara accused him in 11.22:

Chuck: I'm sorry. For this, for everything.Amara: An apology at last. What's sorry to me? I spent millions of years crammed in that cage... alone... and afraid, wishing -- begging for death, because of you! And what was my crime, brother?!Chuck: The world needed to be born! And you wouldn't let me! Amara, you give me no choice.Amara: That's your story. Not mine. The real reason you banished me, why I couldn't be allowed to exist... you couldn't stand it. No, we were equals. We weren't great or powerful, because we stood only in relation to each other. You think you made the archangels to bring light? No. You made them to create lesser beings, to make you large, to make you Lord. It was ego! You wanted to be big!

and he admitted to Becky in 15.04:

CHUCK: Things were said. Uh… Now I’ve found msyself low on, um… resources. I went to ask my sister for help, and she rejected me. ‘Cause she sucks. And now I’m just… stuck. So, I thought I’d come see you, my number-one fan. And, I don’t know, see if you can help make me feel big again.BECKY: So, you want me to… fluff you?CHUCK: I mean, no.BECKY: You do. You thought you could just come back to me, your pathetic ex, your number-one fan, and get what you’ve always gotten from me… a nice big crank on your ego.

Meanwhile, in 11.22, Amara had asked him if he wouldn’t change, why should she? Yet... she DID change, beginning in 11.23 when she reconciled with Chuck. Only... he never did change at all.

So... to finally circle back to your question again... I don’t know if it’s relevant what the writers were thinking about Chuck and any random potential for him to return to the story in any capacity, let alone as God, let alone as the eventual Ultimate Series Big Bad back when they were writing s9. I don’t even think God/Chuck was on their radar at all, because I don’t think the entire MoC storyline was crafted with the end result that it would be the key to the Darkness’s prison. At least not way back in s9 when the MoC was dreamed up. It only ever evolved into that because of the narrative disaster of the s10 plot accordion. Which is why, while I fucking HATE s10 for it, I can’t be all that mad about what it unwittingly brought about, either.

Heck I hope any of this makes any sense whatsoever. This is one of those subjects that’s just like “insert key, wind mittens up, watch her go” :’D

[tinkdw]

14x02: bait, loving myself and ptsd

My episode review / meta for 14x02 covering the main points:

Michael / Dean meta and speculation as to what this means next.

Cas’ arc exposition, learning to accept and love himself for who he is.

Nick as the Dean mirror to come, thanks to new Archangel-vessel link canon.

Michael / Dean

The episode opener reminds us that Michael is sadistic and plays a long game “I could have done this quick but I wanted to enjoy it”.

This really sets us up well for the fact that whatever the reason, Michael has made the choice to “leave” Dean (I say this loosely as we don’t know what the new canon is they’re playing with re: Archangel vessels link to the Archangel after they’ve left).

We’ve also had the word “bait” twice in two episodes, right before Dean is suddenly and with no explanation freed, right back into his family.

More side eyes.

It definitely feels like a long game choice, he’s going to enjoy whatever it is that he’s done to Dean, whether it’s literally just “the hunted becoming the hunter” and he’s now watching Dean keenly or is actually inside him hiding somehow or something else entirely, who knows, but it’s 100% going to rear it’s head later.

I’m also 100% sure Michael is the one who punched the mirror and I kinda love that symbolism that he’s SO ABSOLUTELY in control and Dean can’t just expel him before he magically disappears so... serious side eyes.

In general Michael is just continuing along the theme we already know, he’s a genocidal self aggrandising asshole who here is also reminiscent of the nazis with his experiments. They’re keen to hammer home the “bad guy” symbology.

Michael may be temporarily/semi “out” of Dean but he is in no way gone.

The rest under the cut

Monsters v Humans and the grey area

Jack to Lucifer: you’re not my father, youre a monster.  Nick about the murderer of his family: He’s not a man, he’s a monster.

More excellent reminders that monsters does not equal supernatural creature and the other way around. It’s about your choices not who you are.

Cas

This episode showcases Cas’ continued mental health improvements since his death/resurrection metaphor allowed him to address and move past his guilt/self worth issues that have plagued him since season 7. We have exposition that he feels happier, more content in himself and doesn't equate his powers to himself. Whilst of course this raises huge human!cas endgame feels it doesn’t necessarily tell us this is the only way, more that he is realising that he is valid and should love himself for who he is, not how useful he is as a tool. The Jack mirror here has worked wonders and this scene really hammers it home after last episode’s ramp up to it.

Cas also is the exposition here to “people are not magically born superheroes, heroes at all, powerful, good, leaders etc they have to work at it and choose it because they’re good people”. Good people sometimes fail and that’s okay. Patience, persistence and a good moral compass are what get you through.

*I’m clapping whilst tearing up and whooping all at the same time*

Meanwhile...

We then not only address Cas’ mental well being but also some of the past canon that *some people* still think is a point of interest but everyone else has had figured since at least season 10.

Jimmy is dead and gone, Cas wells up with emotion when talking about him and his biggest regret in millennia of existence is what happened to Jimmy and his family. He could not help his nature as an Angel of needing a vessel and he was also just following orders at this point lets remember, he wasn’t making his own choices.

But once he was making his own decisions and realised what he had caused by collateral damage he did what he could to help them. He actively looked for Claire, he tried so hard to save Claire and Amelia, albeit he was unable to succeed with Amelia, he continues to try to help Claire. 

Nick’s harsh words are not, as the Cas haters would like to believe telling us that this is fact. Of course it’s not, the show doesn’t villainise it’s lead protagonists for funsies, calling them the same as Lucifer, the biggest villain to ever villain on the show who made clear just 2 episodes previously that he didn’t give a shit about anyone else whilst this scene shows us Cas literally tearing up over what happened to Jimmy... the mere concept this is supposed to be taken at face value us... *insert laugh crying emoji*, lbr that’s just so completely illogical and so stupid I won’t even bother addressing it, I’ll just talk about what the point of it is. 

It’s a set up for us to reel back and think “ouch!, what? no!” and for Cas himself to address, which he does well here, without creating excuses but by showing real regret and caring over the matter whilst we know he is doing his best to fix the mistake through the episodes we’ve seen him dealing with Claire previously.

New Archangel - vessel link canon

Nick is a mirror and useful to the Michael!Dean plot, I am happy about that, but I’m only moderately interested in this plot device Archangel-vessel link thing because it’s setting up for later in the season boring rehashing of more Michael/Lucifer plot line and tbh I’m extremely over it and want to move on with my life and wish the show would move on already. 

I’ve seen interpretations on my dash that Nick was the monster who killed his family and whilst I get that, imo that’s not where they’re going with this. It’s more that this is a next step up from the first clicking fingers when emotionally compromised. Nick lost control due to his extreme emotions and the Lucifer link, whatever it is, meant he channeled Lucifer’s anger and ended up killing his neighbour. This makes far more sense in terms of how it will later be a useful mirror for Dean who will at times lose control and ‘go Michael’ more and more over the season I imagine. I just don’t really know what the point of this is if not tbh! 

We know from interview spoilers that Dean is “semi-possessed”, not truly free, will have repercussions etc and this Nick-Lucifer mirrored link where he channels Michael’s emotions is too obvious not to be relevant imo. It also links perfectly to all the Dean meta since forever about his John issues, with Michael being the epitome of a John mirror and Dean having moments of acting like him despite this not being who he truly is and finally throwing it off at the end of the season, this could be used utterly brilliantly metaphorically and close off the Dean’s daddy issues theme that’s been an underlying running theme since 13x01 especially. I look forward to that aspect.

[gneisscastiel]

A Master of Two Worlds

Castiel’s Endgame

“The Cosmic Dancer... does not rest heavily in a single spot, but gaily, lightly, turns and leaps from one position to another.”

-Joseph Campbell

I have a lot of thoughts on Castiel’s endgame but I have never put them all down in one place. The post that I think came closest was my post mapping out Castiel’s story using Joseph Campbell’s “Hero's Journey.” But this did not cover all of my endgame thoughts because when I got to the end I wanted to wrap up what became a very lengthy post. 

Before Castiel was introduced on the show everything that wasn’t human was considered bad/evil. Castiel has taught the Winchesters many things but I think that this is the most important lesson that he has taught. That there is a morel grey area to everything. That right and wrong are not clearly defined. Especially when it comes to individuals. Like this lesson, I don’t think Castiel’s endgame will be clearly one way or another either.  But more of a grey mixture. 

“If it's supernatural, we kill it, end of story. That's our job”

- Dean, 2.03 Bloodlust

When Cas was first introduced on this show he was introduced as another main character. Someone who was different and other, yes, but also in many ways Dean’s equal. This is shown even in their very first scene together when Cas says “What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?”  There is a look of recognition on Cas’s face because he has felt this way before and that’s how he recognizes this feeling of being undeserving in Dean. This equality is very important to understanding Castiel’s endgame because Castiel is a hero in his own right separate from Sam and Dean. Just like how Sam is a hero separate from Dean. 

Usually, when angels are presented in television shows or movies, they are not presented as equal to humans. Sometimes this means that they are better than humans and sometimes this means they are lesser than humans. Angels being rather equal to humans because of their flaws makes Supernatural a rather unique show because of their take on angels. By equal here I mean we could take most of the angels on supernatural and replace them with humans and not much would change. In fact, most of the species on supernatural are equal to humans as far as motivations, intelligence, and even feelings. Yes, the angels have feelings this is how Castiel was able to fall in the first place because he had feelings he just had chosen not to feel them.  The most recent example of this is Anael who despite what she says about not being able to feel things, she is clearly motivated by greed and selfishness.

Anael is a great mirror for Cas and his endgame. This is why she wears a trench coat that looks a lot like Castiel’s. She is an angel who enjoys being on earth. This is what I see happening for Cas at the end of the series. An angel free to do whatever he wants and move between two worlds, heaven, and earth. 

"Freedom to pass back and forth across the world division, from the perspective of the apparitions of time to that of the causal deep and back—not contaminating the principles of the one with those of the other, yet permitting the mind to know the one by virtue of the other—is the talent of the master.”

-Joseph Campbell

“ After the fall, when we lost our wings, I wasn’t devastated. I was liberated. I was finally free.” Anael says this in 13.13 but it sounds awfully like what Cas said to Sam in 9.11. “That PB and J taught me that angels can change”  Both of these angels learned from their time on earth. They don't regret it. Anael doesn’t wish to be fully human either. She wants both angelic traits and human ones. 

  “ Most angels aren't like us, Castiel. They can't handle this whole free-will thing. They're sheep, drones. But us? We're different. We're rebels... one without a 'cause, one with” 

- Gabriel 9.18 Meta Fiction

Castiel cares deeply for his human family, the Winchesters. I don't see him having any sort of happy ending without them. “The things we’ve shared together, they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.” As Castiel says in 12.12. Most of the time though the thing that gets in between this family and Cas are relationships with the angels. This is part of why Anael is such a great mirror into Castiel’s endgame. She is an angel but she is completely separate from the going ons in heaven. Unlike how Castiel is now. Constantly being pulled back into the business of heaven. 

“It doesn’t matter what you are. It matters what you do.”

-13x04 The Big Empty 

Like Anael being an angel is important to Castiel. A good example of this is actually the times that Castiel has been shown smiting. Castiel has not been shown smiting very often. The times the smiting has been shown on the show though are important times in Castiel’s journey. Like when Castiel got his memories back by smiting demons in 7. 17 or when smiting demons to save Sam and Dean made Cas feel like himself again in 6.20 “For a brief moment...I was me again.” The most recent example was Cas triumphantly smiting a demon when he got out of prison in 13.12

Even though these seem to be important times for Castiel. Castiel doesn't always believe that he deserves to be an angel. This is because of Castiel’s struggles with depression and cognitive distortions, the lies that depression tells us. Some examples of this are when Cas says that he is a poor example of an angel in 5.17 or whenever he tells Hannah that he isn’t a leader in 9.23 and 9.18. These cognitive distortions can tell us that in order to have a happy ending For Castiel the opposite of these lies has to happen.

“And even monsters can do good in this world.” 

-13x04 The Big Empty   

This is what it means to be a master of two worlds, it means freedom. Freedom for Castiel to do whatever he wants. The master is not the ruler of either world but can pass between them. Castiel is not just one thing. He has human and angelic traits. This is why I think his endgame will reflect this. giving him the freedom to live as both a human and an angel. I don't believe Castiel would be happy without this true freedom. 

I tried to tag some people who like this sort of thing. I sincerely apologize if I offend anyone with this that isn’t my intention. 

@magnificent-winged-beast @helianthus21 @dinosaurrainbowstarfish @destiel73 @sirikenobi167  @threshie  @thedogsled @cas-essence

[amwritingmeta]

Cas’ Deciding Moment in S13 (this is so Wild Spec)

Please, please, don’t read this if the idea of human!Cas in any way upsets you, okay? I’m not writing this post to anger or appall. This is entirely my own speculation regarding Cas’ arc this season, based in my own hopes for his character progression. I know how much we all love him, and I sincerely don’t want to get anyone in a slapping-faces-because-I-can’t-take-this-shit type of mood. You may slap me if you forego this plea and read this post and want to slap me. *perhaps this post is a ploy to get people to slap me* *shhhhh*

What I Hope Happens to Cas, in Some Narrative Shape or Form, in S13:

1. I hope we see, or it’s implied, that he’s faced with a choice in the Empty and that it’s his own choice to go back to Earth fully-fledged.

2. I hope this is the right choice made for the wrong reasons, meaning–

–to go fight a war –to raise Jack right –to protect the people he loves –Cas once more dresses himself as the weapon, believing, as ever, that his grace, his wings, his powers are the only things about him that will make him a force to be reckoned with –Cas still believing this is true makes returning fully-fledged a choice made for the wrong reasons –but it’s the right choice because Cas has to come back fully-fledged in order to finally gain perspective on what his grace, his wings, his powers really are, what they’ve always been: a yoke, something to hold him back and keep him in his place, a place he’s never chosen for himself, merely been duty bound to.

3. I hope, at some point this season, that fully-fledged, reset, BAMF Castiel is faced with this truth and that it’s delivered through a situational challenge–

–that situational challenge could be Cas being told to bow down to Heaven fully (a Heaven possibly under the new direction of the fanatical Michael, if he crosses over between worlds)  –in this situational challenge, Cas finds himself reminded of Naomi’s brainwashing, of her saying he came off the assembly line wrong, and finally he’ll begin to see his powers for what they really are: a weakness. –I hope that whatever the circumstances surrounding this situation is - hopefully one that is overtly dramatic and foreshadowed - they serve to lead Cas into doing what Anna did, that the circumstances lead to him cutting off his wings and choosing to become human, because he refuses to serve Heaven for another second.

(as he’s already in a vessel we’ll just forget about Anna falling from Heaven and being separated from her grace etc.) (I’d love for Cas’ humanity to be wholly an individual experience… but, again, not terribly fussed)

4. I hope human!Cas happens, and I hope he happens sooner than later, because to me it feels imperative to his character progression that he takes this leap and faces this oncoming war as a human.

This also makes sense to me where the narrative stakes are concerned –>

–> fully-fledged Cas poses a problem because he more or less negates the stakes (the brothers are never in peril of death when they can call out for Superman… sorry, for Cas and he appears) so to have him come back in order to guide Jack in how to open up the rift, for example, and have Cas with his angel mojo back, only to pull that safety rug out from under him in some way… oh it could be beautiful and so fitting for his individual arc.

5. It also gives me this immediate sense of balance because of the Battle of the Brothers angle, where - if we get human!Cas - Michael represents Heaven, Lucifer Hell and Cas Humanity, all three of these concepts knitted together in Jack, who is also the knitting point for TFW, while TFW - with human!Cas onboard - are completely equal for the first time ever (since there’s no cock blocker angel named Gadreel to put the power of Heaven in Sam).

But leaving that for another post.

6. I have a second scenario in mind, where Cas’ refusal to bow to Michael (because he’s powerful enough to do rip another angel’s wings off…) makes Michael do just that - tear off Cas’ wings - and tell him that if he loves man more than his family, he can live and die as a man.

Cas having the choice stripped off him, like it was stripped by Metatron, would serve as punishment for not learning his lessons and choosing to come back fully-fledged, his forced humanity enabling him to learn his final lessons so that he can reject an offer of his powers restored to him by the end of the series.

But I’d rather he makes the BAMF choice for himself now.

They could still have him grappling with it, with the enormity of it, but also show him embracing his new existence even more than he did in the previous human!Cas arc.

7. I love the idea of all this tying into Dean’s freak-out in 12x20, where he did not see Cas looking back at him. The way I see it, the guy he did see was Castiel, which was why he was so utterly freaked: all that growth reduced to nothingness and Cas, his Cas, gone. Dean saw this BAMF Angel of the Lord, who was reliably unreliable and came and went as he pleased, who was such an overwhelming, startling, breathtaking presence that Dean tried - and most often than not failed - to bring him down to Earth as his Cas was burned away. (wrong of course - all wrong wrong wrong) (but it’s an intriguing thread that they might be playing with here)

So, yeah, I think we’re getting Castiel back not only because it’s important he goes through this final stage before his transformation can actually be complete and his choice to become human feels fully informed by the shit-fest that is Heaven, but because Cas returning as BAMF Warrior of Heaven on a mission to protect Jack is going to throw Dean off completely. 

I mean, Dean won’t know what the fuck to do, right?

He’ll be so ecstatic to have Cas back and alive, and he IS Cas… and still, he isn’t. I can’t wait to see what they do with it!! It’s a remarkably effective way to slow the love story down, now that Dean is poised for self-examination and real fucking growth. If Cas had come back human then, yeah, the way that they’re truly going balls out with Destiel this season means it simply would not have worked. But if Cas is fully-fledged and becomes human by episode… idk, timelines are so fucking hard, but say by 13x12… 

Oh my God, the brain delights if we get that slow build between human!Cas and Dean. Like super slow. Like the human!Cas arc and all the innuendo and flirtation was like a blitz view of what they could be like if both were feeling somewhat on equal footing. 

And do you know what else it might mean, if this wild speculation is even in the ballpark of what is up ahead for Cas and Dean?

It might mean that they are building the love story from scratch, tying it back to the beginning for more callbacks than in 12x19, more callbacks that aren’t just spot-it-if-you-know-it, but that actually draws on that old amazingly taut chemistry between these two men, who are so alike and equally stubborn and omfg it could be glorious. Thelma and Louise moments, PLEASE, give us loads of Thelma and Louise moments. Awkward!Dean is my sweet cherry pie!! (and yours too I bet) (if you like sweet cherry) They would do this to ease the GA into the very real realness of how these two men are meant to be together.

I’ve said all this before, many many times, but I’ll say it again and again because goddamnit if this isn’t where this is headed. *hat-eatage*

Here’s what I see: 

I see them pushing Dean’s character progression so that, once Cas comes back, Dean is ready to relate to him differently. The fact that Cas has had a reset should, absolutely, give Dean pause, and Cas pause, too, but my hope is that Dean is way too far gone now to even start back peddling. He’s in love with Cas and he has, by some miracle, gotten Cas back, so Dean will try to, awkwardly, show his feelings. Dean wants to show this angel that he matters to him. And it’ll be tentative as all fuck, and it’ll be scary, too, but Dean won’t back down because, damnit, he lost Cas once and he cannot do it again.

((The strain on Dean of fully-fledged Cas fluttering in and out, though. Oh man. And will Cas start out with ties to Heaven again, or purely Jack?? What about that smiley angel who stood by his dead body on that table? What’s her play?? Will Cas’ possible ties to Heaven grow and solidify as the episodes roll by? Oh so much fun!! They can have so much fun with this!!))

I see them reliving Cas and Dean’s greatest hits, putting them face to face in long silent stares and Sam somewhere nearby clearing his throat. While Jack observes them, entranced and fascinated. And of course there’ll be head butting and I really really want protective!Dean, wether Cas is an angel or not, because Cas has died - every time except for one - as an angel, so his powers don’t exactly mean he’s invulnerable and the last time he damn near died for good so Cas can just stay behind him, thanks very much. Ohhhhh. PLEASE PLEASE. We want it! We all want it!!

Keep them together! Please. If it’s made sweet and irresistible and undeniable, the GA will be as enamoured with them as the rest of us have always been. And if they’re not - FUCK THEM. My God, Dean and Cas deserve this. They both deserve to be happy!! Together! But the deciding moment will be when Cas decides, for himself, to become human, and the beauty of the above setup is that even if we see Dean trying to show Cas how he feels, fully-fledged and utterly graced Cas will not be able to relate to Dean’s flirtation (I mean, hell, even very humanised Cas in S12 still squinted at Mandy flirting with him in the absolutely most audacious manner one can flirt with another person) and the love story won’t kick off before Cas is human.

And once he is human, well, then there’s the fear as an obstacle to overcome because, all of a sudden, the thought of a future together will seem very real. And possibly probably very, very, very scary. :P *crossing fingers and toes*

I so see positive endgame, my peeps. All the way!!