#i love how i said 'the new video essay' like anyone is going to know what im talking about lmao

[cassynite]

A Sparrow I finished while watching the new video essay

[livingsurreal]

More thoughts and theories about our favorite Necromancer

My darlings, I have too many thoughts and my obsession is running wild. (How I missed you, hyperfocus). If you have read my last meta post about our Emmrich, here it is: First Meta Post

That is not a required read however. I am still wondering why anyone is reading my word vomit U_U

Anyway, I love reading other peoples theories, so please, send me yours. <3 And a lot of thanks and love for all you darlings who make this fandom such a beautiful and nice place. Especially to @jaal-ama-daravv - who makes the most beautiful videos, and writes such wonderful character studies.

Warning, from here on there will be spoilers as well as mentions of sex. If you don't want to read about any of that, do not read the rest.

Also pictures and way too many words. This is a ten page word document, save yourself while you can. I tend to go off on a tangent once I start writing. I am also well aware that not everyone will agree. This is just my personal read on Emmrich.

Now, after my first essay I have some more thoughts on Emmrich and Rook and specifically their intimate relationship.

Emmrich is such an interesting and baffling contradiction. On the one hand he is confident, self-assured, all manners and poise. He is smart, and he knows it. He has special gifts, and he knows it.  He is confident without being proud. He likes to teach others without being arrogant. He still likes to learn about new things and is, as far as I’ve seen, never judgmental about different beliefs and ways of life. (Unless someone treats him with disdain or bully him)

He is a man who is confident speaking of his thoughts and feelings and fears. How he just casually drops his thanatophobia is just astonishing. He is honest and open-minded in the best ways.

And then there is the other side of him. The wet kitten side of him. As open and honest as he is about his emotions, when we get to the meat of it, to the scary bit, the real feely bit, he locks up completely. As long as it is surface level (or he can pretend its surface level), everything is up for discussion. But once we reach deeper and touch *love* he gets so scared and refuses to admit and commit to his feelings. And as much *death* scares him, love scares him more.

So how does that influence his intimate relationship with Rook?

According to the banter with Lace “everyone knows about it”. He was rather surprised by that.

That tells us two things:

They were trying to be sneaky or at least keep their private business private.

They failed, massively.

Add to that Laces comment about them moving rather fast (when, where? I would have loved to have seen that. Comments like that just give me the feeling that we should have had some more cutscenes after the dinner date, to show us those two besotted fools).

But back to them moving rather fast. I would guess that they both did a lot of gazing lovingly at each other, blushing, spacing out while watching their darling, stollen kisses in the hallway when they thought no one was watching, stuff like that. Just being to besotted fools.

But moving fast usually includes sex. Lots of needy, sweaty sex. The inability to keep their hands of each other.

That moves us to the question of the day – did they have sex before their coffin time?

Let’s look at what we know about Emmrich. Emmrich is no virgin. That man has experience. He had past lovers. But what he tells us at that sweet diner date – “nothing serious for years.” We know not much else besides his crush on a boy in his youth and his fling with the Orlesian Art Lady. He is not someone to kiss and tell and that is appreciated. That man has class, and we love him for it.

So - nothing SERIOUS for years. If he hadn’t had ANY relationships in the past years, he would have said so. But what he says is that he did, in fact, have UNSERIOUS relationships in the last few years.

I would read that to be somewhere along the “fwb, lovers, affairs, paramours, companions, a fling, a little romance” line. Something not purely, but mainly physically driven. Someone you like and respect, you can go out and have a good time with, have lots of amazing sex with (b/c he is a living being and has his needs). Spending time with people he liked, was sexually attracted too, but nothing as serious as love. A physical relationship. A little thrill, some fluttering, but never that deep.

Not to say that those situationships would not have been romantic. He is (buried under all that resignation) a deeply romantic man. I am pretty sure he went on nice romantic dates with his previous paramours too. That this is something he just enjoys too much. Treating a companion with some quality time, not just in, but also out of the bedroom.

But after he’d given up on his dreams, he did not have any notion of those flings being more than a “enjoy the moment”. There was never the expectation of deeper feelings, beyond friendship, attraction and/or respect. All those romantic gestures were nothing more than a little bit of “play pretend”. To give himself the illusion of true romance, just for a little time.

Take the fact that you can go a “everything you do is creepy but I still flirt with you and I want you to throw me over that tombstone” and his comment on “the attraction of the forbidden”? This is not a relationship born of mutual respect and deeper feelings but out of purely physical attraction. And he is OK with that.

I want to repeat – Emmrich is very much okay with a casual, sexual affair. He does not require love to have a relationship with someone.

And then think about that Johanna calls Rook specifically his “paramour”. Which is a lover, especially an illicit one. This word was very specifically chosen by Johanna. For various reasons, I would think.

For one, I do believe that it is a dig at his dreams of the eternal flame. It’s a dig at him, that Rook is not his love, but his paramour. A lover for a time. To be parted from soon enough. B/c that silly dream of his, as if it ever would become reality.

Second, I think it is a comment on the way his relationships often went, especially in the past years. Those unserious flings of his. Never to amount to anything substantial.

Did he try to have something serious in the past? Oh yes, for sure. But it never worked out. Then he gave up his dream and just let himself have a good time with people he found to be nice and attractive.

To pick up my point of self-sabotage from my last meta post – I’ve come to a point where I believe Emmrich is a kind of chaser. I know someone like that and it’s so fucking tragic.

Emmrich feels deeply and strongly. When he falls in love with someone it’s a lot of emotion. But at that point it’s all dream, want, wish. As soon as someone returns these feelings - those dreams, wants and wishes become reality. And reality is scary. In this wishful dream about the eternal flame, there is no fear. No fights. No loss. But that is not reality. As soon as it becomes reality, he gets scared. Before, his feelings were no threat, because you can’t lose what you don’t have. Once those feelings are returned, there is a clear possibility of losing, of being lost, of being left behind.

Emmrich is not a chaser because he enjoys the hunt. He is a chaser because being loved by someone is scary. So damn scary. So, he starts to pick fights and is looking for excuses. From being the chaser, he becomes the chased. He is hunted by his fears, and his fight or flight instincts go all flight.

After years of this cycle he gives up. Resigns himself to flings and little romances without even thinking of more. Or so he thinks. Dreams like that don’t die, they just get buried.

And I’d think that there was not many, even of those short term flings, lately. His life revolves around work and Manfred.

Now remember he comments on Rook “showing unexpected interest in a new companion”.

First of all – unexpected.

They are a daring adventurer. He thinks of himself clearly as the more boring one, compared to Rook. He never expected any of those flirts. But he is clearly flattered.

Second – companion.

That was such a weird way of saying “hey do you like me?”. This whole “companion” thing does not scream “I have FEELZ for you/you have FEELZ for me” but rather, “I think you might want to spend some quality time with me”.

The possible answers - dashing good looks, kindness, his way of words.

He feels he is fortunate if Rook thinks him good looking. Hallo, Mr. Professor, sir… Have you looked in the mirror lately? Consider that he is meticulously grooming himself, takes his exercises daily in the morning. That man does not like himself aging. I think it is a reminder of how his pending death is a step closer every day. But it shows, to him, that his efforts of taking care of himself are not in vain. Or maybe it shows him that his age does not matter. Rook finds him attractive despite (or because) of his physical age.

Rooks comment on his very charming way of putting things makes him hope his years behind the lectern have proved useful. Hey *years* behind the lectern. Again, this is a way of saying his age is NOT a problem but a benefit.

If Rook remarks his kindness, he answers “you humble me”. It’s the one answer that does not touch his age/experience/looks. It’s a remark on an innate character trait he possesses. Kindness. His whole demeanor in this option shows he is actually touched. And maybe a bit baffled. He did not expect this, at all. Its like he sees his kindness not as an attractive trait. Which he should. He is nice without TM and its sexy as hell.

The next part is his statement “If your attentions go beyond charming flattery… that would interest me, indeed”. This reads to me not necessarily as “do you have feelings for me” but as “do you just enjoy the flirting, or do you want to do more than flirting?”

And oh boy, does he want to do more than flirting. I want to repeat my earlier statement – this man has given up on love. But some little fling with an exiting young adventure who was constantly, awkwardly flirting with him? Hell, yeah.

(I want to remind you that we were able to have mutually enjoyed flirts with Dorian as fem!Inky. You can flirt with someone and still never want to fuck them. And you are also perfectly able to want more than flirting without having deeper feelings. Like sweet, dump Shepaloo said it so eloquently “Lets bang, okay?”)

Again, I want to pick up a point of my last post, that this is all surface level thoughts. I do believe that their emotional attraction and depth of feelings go deeper, from the start. But how often does it take quite a bit of time to realize one’s own feelings. Especially this wonderful, silly man whose modus operandi is running away.

Now, an interested Rook can answer in an open “lets see where this goes” way. Mirroring his rather open idea of a little romance, a fling, some quality time. Something that does not have to end in an eternal flame, but a simple enjoyment and exploration of the moment.

Rook can also reply with a “I think they do.” – What Rook actually says is “I think they already…”

And conveniently Rooks answer here is cut short by our sweet boy Manfred. They get cut short, no matter what answer you choose, but in this specific case, I am convinced this was very much on purpose. What would the whole sentence have been?

“I think they already go way beyond flattery.” (?!?) Something along those lines. But that goes into danger zone. WAY into danger zone.

If Rook had finished that sentence, at that point in their budding romance? It would have been over before is all started. Too much, too soon. Too much for him, period.

Now we have the hard lock – their sweet romantic moment in the Memorial Gardens. And he is smitten. He fell hook, line, and sinker for his own play pretend. Just a little romance, but that man is falling, fast. (Not that he would admit that to himself).

A beautiful date, all arranged by Emmrich, to spend time with Rook. Because a couple should have a quite moment to get to know each other. I mean there were menu cards with gilded edges, ffs. And, oh yes, they were “lets dig into the feelings”, he said couple. He is falling, falling, falling fast. But it still hasn’t hit him, how deep he has fallen for his darling Rook. Poor Emmrich.

Then a fight, where we really see the wet kitten side of him for the first time. A little wet, feral kitten, hissing at the hand that’s trying to feed it.

Emmrich is lashing out for no good reason (or no good reason for anyone but himself). There is no real confidence there but a desperate act of pretending. An iron (slipping) grip, trying to control himself and the narrative. Shoulders squared, back straight, an arrogant stance, raised chin, turned half-away from Rook, and a condescending way of talking to Rook.

Like I said in my last post – he is working his way up to breaking up with them. And he tells himself it’s like ripping off a bandaid. Be strong and confident and say what you have to say, and they will see the wisdom of that.

It’s only that, they don’t. Because there IS NO wisdom in what he is doing right now. They don’t take his bullshit but throw it back at him. They don’t accept his mock excuses.

Look at him here, how he looks down ON them. I can’t recall any other time he looks down on Rook, despite him being a tall king.

Especially the route where Rook throws it in his face that he DOES in fact love them. Speak what he can’t even think.

“I can’t… At my…”

“I can’t love you. At my age…” Why not? Does he not deserve love, just because he is a bit older? It’s just heartbreaking how he views himself.

And again, he lashes out.

“I am perfectly serious.” So is Rook.

“One of us has to pay attention to these things.” As if Rook is not paying attention. They got to the meat and bones of his problem in just a few seconds.

No matter what route you go here, the gist is the same. He is scared shitless, treats Rook like a child, and goes on how the is the only one thinking the important thoughts.

When Rook in reality way ahead of him. They thought about it and came to the conclusion that being with Emmrich is a really good idea.

Rook knew they were falling for someone older than them. (Even if that age difference is just a decade, with a mid-40s Rook.) They knew it, and still went with it. They are not a child who is too inexperienced and stupid to make decisions about their (love) life.

But now, here, at this moment? Emmrich treats them with disdain. Like a silly little person, who does not think things through. He holds himself above them. Physically and mentally. They are too young, he knows better.

And not once has he done that before. He always treated them as an equal. He follows them into the most dangerous situations ffs. He trusts them with his life in a fight against would-be gods.

All that fear and anger at himself that reaches a new high get redirected at Rook.

The next day they are off to Tearstone Island. That night must have been hell. For both of them. But its going to get much much worse.

In any case, Emmrich seems to have come to some conclusion or realization, because on that island? He apologizes.

They both did react very emotionally, but he came at Rook with superiority and, to a certain degree, dishonesty. All fueled by his fear. So that he is the one to take the first step and apologize to Rook instead of doubling down? An important step. As I said in my last post – he NEEDED to be called out. A sweet and nice counterargument would not have had the impact Rooks raw an honest emotion hat on him.

Emmrich “Rook? Darling? I wanted to say-“

Rook “Yeah, about that argument…”

Emmrich “(Sighs) It’s no time to apologize, is it?”

And here we have the most heartbreaking line, in hindsight. “We’ll talk back home, Emmrich. I promise.”

(Narrator: but they would, in fact, not talk about it back home. Because someone would not go home.)

One fight and weeks of horror later, they find themselves in a private crypt and finally they do more than share a kiss.

Now - to the point I originally wanted to explore with this post – is this in fact their first time? (I am sorry, but my brain is a circle and nothing makes sense)

Let’s look at what evidence we have from the cut-scene.

Rook did not know he is an early riser.

That leaves two possibilities:

They never had sex up until that point.

They did have sex, but never spent the night together.

Now what does that mean?

This depends a lot on your personal Rook and how they feel about sex in general. If Rook wants to wait, or is not ready, he will absolutely accept and respect that.

But for the sake of this analysis lets go with the idea that Rook is not opposed to sex at an earlier date.

They never slept with each other

Why? He clearly was not opposed to casual relationships in the past. What would hold him back now? Especially if you recall Laces comment about them moving fast. Why not jump into the bedroom?

Now my first crack theory is that they get interrupted, like every time. (Rook interrupted The Dread Wolf, and now he cursed them to always be interrupted when they want to have some private time)

But now, in all seriousness, maybe it’s just that part of him DOES realize that this goes beyond a very unserious relationship. That they both have deeper feelings, that spark of something greater, something beautiful.

So, he holds back. He does not give his all. He is charming, he is flirty, he takes Rook on dates. But it’s all very technical. Very performative. Yes, he is a very romantic man, yes he enjoys those moments. But there is always a feeling of control.

Those moments when you see him let go a bit (that kiss beneath the eternal lovers, “I think, sometimes you indulge me”), are so beautiful and you glimpse a bit of the man behind those walls.

He has a tell, you see. (I am telling you about it further down)

But generally, he feels very much in control of himself. And to lie with Rook? To go all the way? Too dangerous. Who knows what happens in that sweet moment after la petit mort? What secrets would his lips spill?

2. They slept together, but did not spent the night together.

They do have sex, but sleep alone in their own beds. Casual sex is fine, but to fall asleep in each other’s arms? Too much. Too real. Sex okay, but sleepy post coitus cuddly? Woah, slow down your horses.

So, they have sex, preferably in Rooks bed. First, does he even have a bed? Second, it’s way easier to leave Rooks bed after the act, than throwing them out afterwards.

Oh, and how many reasons he has. Rook needs their uninterrupted sleep; they are stressed and must have proper rest. He wants to get some reading done before he retires. He needs to look after Manfred.

Oh, he is a bad liar, for sure. He is lying more to himself than to Rook. I would think that (if this is the build up to their fight) Rook realizes that he is giving poor excuses.

And the sex itself? A technical 10/10. He knows his anatomy, after all. But his heart is not really in it. He can’t allow himself to. He holds back, keeps a tight lid on his emotions. They both are well spent afterwards, but like so much else, it’s performative. Technically very well executed, but rarely do you see HIM, the real him, behind all that performance. Whenever something slips through, he reels back and closes up.

And then we are in that crypt. Rook was gone for weeks. The last thing they said that night before were words of anger. Rook called him out on his feelings and from that point on there was no possible way of lying to himself anymore. Those feelings were there. They were real. Rooks feelings were real. And those weeks spent in desperation, trying to  get them back? Those walls came crashing down.

His true face, when all the walls are gone? You see that face when Rook leads him to the coffin. There is no pretense anymore. No performance. Just him, and all his love for Rook. The amount of emotion the animation team packed into those short moments in the cutscene? Mindblowing. Who ever crafted that expression on his face? They are the GOAT. I watch this part of that scene on repeat, and it never gets old.

So, I told you about how he has a tell, yes? Okay, two actually, but we all know surprised pikachu Emmrich. In that last scene it is resolved in the most beautiful way.

He looks down, when something touches him deeply, when he goes into his feels.

A few (way to many) examples:

And the worst wet kitten look? After the fight, when Rook leaves.

Its a look of shame. Of hurt. This man is hurting so badly.

Now here at the end we have that moment when Rook leads him to the coffin. His face turns down, like before. But here he looks up at Rook. He does not turn his eyes away but looks directly at them. Ahhh my heart.

Now, think about the fact that ROOK is leading in that moment?

In those moments where Rook leads or startles him (or is simply annoying enough so that the truth slips out), you see the most emotion from him.

Rooks flirting startles him, and he has a pikachu face reaction every time.

Their first kiss? Rook leans against the monument, and leans up, telling him without words that NOW is the time for a kiss. How can he not go for a second kiss?

That moment when Rook calls Manfred “our son”? He very conveniently ignores the word “OUR” and goes in defense mode over the word “son”. But called out on his feelings for Manfred? How can he deny them? He has tears in his voice when he says how he would not exchange this moment for anything? A real, deep emotion.

In their fight Emmrich is again all technical, all performance, so logical (or what he sells himself as logic). But Rook wrestles that moment from him and takes lead, calls him out on his bullshit.

In the crypt Rook pulls him up into a kiss and then leads him to the coffin, guiding him, taking him with them.

Most of the other times he takes the lead, very much in control. But the most emotions you get from him, are those times Rooks leads, when he lets go of this tight control over himself, or he is startled in to a reaction. For all the age difference that is played up in their relationship, in the important moments Rook is the one who guides. And he follows where they lead.

Those little moans he makes? If they did have sex before, I bet he did not make those sounds then. Where they did have some incredible sex, now they are making love. Open, vulnerable. He gives in.

And then they fall asleep together. Skin to skin, arms and legs intertwined. Their hands caressing, no sound but that of their heartbeats and soft breaths. Pure and utter contentment. In that moment nothing exists but them. Can you imagine that moment he woke up? The amount of emotions he must have felt then? This need to speak those little words? Those huge little words. He does not say them, not yet. But he is almost ready.  

Finally, they stand there, on the battlefield of Elgar’nans madness. And he tells Rook. The last wall falls. Gives the most precious thing he can give to anyone.

“I love you.”

[proxycrit]

I love your au!!! I love how the hylian duo look like gremlins, I LOVE the expressions and sass constantly and the changes to the lore, the worldbuilding and also the emotions (OUCH). I love their relationship with purah and each other and the new champions. I love the depth you gave Yona and her relationship with Sidon and Mipha. I love how link feels comfortable talking to sidon in addition to sign, I don't know if he does that with anyone else but Zelda unless its absolutely necessary (eg: just launched out a cannon and is paragliding down, so hands are busy) (side note: i love how much of an adrenalin junky/gremlin he is!!)

I do got a few questions! Will the pair get the sheikah slate again (so say link has the slate and zelda the pad), and can both slates do the warping and item storage (food, ingredients, armor, weapons, etc) (if so: no WONDER link was so upset! His collection!)

Does link have access to the ultrahand abilities (ik you said not The ultrahand, but what about fuse or ascend or rewind etc?) Where is the mastersword??

Does Link still have the champions' abilities, or did he lose those when their spirits moved on at the end of botw?

I know these are a lot of questions but I can't stop thinking about it!! The last few updates sent me back rereading the whole au and now its just vibrating in my head and giving me no piece

This is long and rambly, just know I am very much enjoying this au! Its silly and fun and touching and cute. Thank you for working on it!!

Oo some notes (also ty for circling my au haha im glad other people fixate like i do)

(Prewarning— i did not finish totk despite putting triple hours in it, so a lot of this story is being written while playing, though i know the big broad strokes thanks to cultural osmosis and video essays. A lot of Familiar Familiar builds from my playthrough with BOTW over TOTK, so the sheikah influence is significantly stronger and I will always choose botw characterization over totk characterization as a result.)

That aside

1. Sheikah slate’s dead. Rest in pieces, link’s rare collectable korok poop. Purah’s extracting as much data as she can to put on the purah pad but you can see the dread in her eyes whenever she has to tell link resurrection is not possible.

2. No idea about the zonai arm powers yet— im thinking about ascend, but the longer i go through this story the less likely ill hand it to him just due to immersion breakage. He and zelda will be getting sheikah gadgets from purah though! Maybe ill have a scene of him wandering through the sky island shrines, but without zelda warning rauru he and sonia wouldnt have prepared anything for the hero of the future. (But i DO love ascension and fuse. Lowkey dislike the building mechanics from a concept art pov because the green glue makes me want to cry, but it’s FINE i GUESS)

2b. Master sword’s chilling in korok forest. Link put it back in this au because of Reasons (part of his and zelda’s characterization in this au is to discard their past roles and embrace the present, not as knight and princess but as hero and researcher. They both have to face the reality those roles aren’t dead, but it’s a work in progress. I may also never address it. This “one off hehe lemme draw some guys” idea quickly spiraled into a web comic series so apologies for the vagueness, because i too am watching them adventure with dread and awe and i don’t know where they’ll go with it. They literally write themselves.

3. Rip champions, their ghosts are Gone (but their influence remains. You go mipha, keep haunting the narrative girl, i love you)

I know that some of these story notes don’t quite match up to what totk states is stone cold canon, but that’s the joy of fan work! Anyways sorry for folks who i have NOT answered asks of— i have a lot of them and I’m much better at the drawing and writing part then the socialization aspect (please feel free to peak in to my zoo enclosure ever so often though. I need the enrichment)

[bonefall]

what's your opinion on moonkitti's video?

It's a good video and an excellent analysis for anyone who prefers to get their essays as videos over text.

Though I do have to mention, she did miss a couple of things. I don't blame her at ALL though, like she said, discussing Bumble is a rabbithole and you will find yourself tackling several chronic problems whenever you try to explain exactly how fucked up the entire situation is. Nevertheless, discussing Bumble is my specialty so I have to point out;

Moonkitti makes the mistake of accepting Clear Sky's premise that the territory he kills Bumble on is his. It is not.

Bumble was actually not trespassing-- Clear Sky slaughtered Misty because he is expanding his borders and wanted to steal her land.

The parcel Bumble was standing on is, in Clear Sky's own words, "This NEW part of MY territory."

As a result, I think Moon missed another chronic issue present in the DOTC narrative; Colonialism.

Also-- I know Moon is trying not to swing TOO hard at Gray Wing because his fans are downright bloodthirsty (and I'm sure she is reluctant to go through Bramblestan Harassment 2), but, as a result...

She kinda glosses over the fact that Gray Wing's turn on Bumble does make sense if you read it like he's doing it because he HATES the idea of his object of affection having friends who are not him.

In other words-- Gray Wing is controlling. Xenophobia against Bumble didn't "come from nowhere." It came up because he is toxic and it is a good self-justification for his feelings.

She also quickly summarizes a lot of the Tom the Wifebeater stuff... and ends up implying that Tom just found the kittens all on his own, when Gray Wing actually told him where to find the children.

This was technically an "accident" because Gray Wing is both cruel AND stupid.

I hate him so much Gray Wing SUCKSSSS

But again, I can't blame her for it because clearly she wasn't trying to get into the utterly shambolic mess that is the "Tom the Wifebeater Sleeper Genes" subplot.

yknow. The subplot where the kids decide the man who raised them isnt their real dad because the wifebeater boinked their mom before he started beating her and eventually got her killed.

dotc is a wonferful arc adn the best in the whole sries. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee

That all said! Moonkitti didn't miss. She thoroughly gutted Clear Sky's lie and covers most of what's especially rancid about Bumble's treatment. I especially love the sentiment she had in pointing out, "Bumble hated no one; and everyone hated her."

It's a great video, she's been working on it for weeks and it shows. This is yet another victory for the BUMBLE BATTALION. Soon we will invade England and take Harper Collins by force

[blond3ang3l]

🌷♡₊˚geek lover! eren🦢・₊✧

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This is a remake of the already geek lover eren, but specifically a sfw version but I actually really love this story

———————————————————————

Eren is a geek lover. He absolutely is enamored with you. Watching your lips with every word you spoke. The way you got excited telling him about every single new detail of the things you got interested in. Eren worked hard as a famous rnb singer, long days in the studio trying to perfect his songs. Then having to perform when he literally had the WORST anxiety known to man. It always felt like someone needed him and was on his ass about something.

But he did it all for you. So you can have everything your heart desired. He left nothing behind when it came to you. You wanted to see a new sci fi movie? He already bought out the theater. There’s a new podcast you like? He’s downloaded all the episodes for you on both yours and his phone. Don’t even get started on books. On your first date you mentioned you like to read and study psychology in your free time. Once you moved in he had your very own book room built for you. Carefully picking out each book for you on his own. Your own desk and room for you todo your writings in. He even surprised you with a laptop and camera so you can start your own podcast! He just wanted to show you how much he loved and supported you.

For moment like this were he could come home and listen to you tell him. About the things you've watched in your huge list of video essays that you had in a playlist on YouTube. How you lit up telling him different facts from how the dating game killer had a coworker that also happened to be a serial killer and he didn't know to the conspiracy theory of the 27 club, no matter what you said it always made you so happy and seeing you all giddy and stimming while you talked to him made him so content with his life.

"I know cotards syndrome, Koro, Diogenes, fregoli, hypochondria, pica, capgras, boanthropy, apotenmophilia, kulver bulcy, ekbom, erotomania, Stendhal. Pics is like one of the more well known. You know that show my strange addiction that we watch together? Yeah so like those people who eat the random shit like the lady who ate rocks- omg that reminds me!"

Erens ass was not listening one bit. He was watching you, watching your body. You guys had been apart for a little over a month so could do a very short tour in another country and he was sick as fuck that he couldn't bring you.

Everyone knew it too. His attitude fucking sucked that trip. He was antsy, his anxiety was through the roof, he snapped at everyone, overall he fucking hated it. But now, sitting here with you he finally felt at peace.

You were sitting on his lap, yapping his ear off.His eyes couldn't help but wander to your legs which lead him to notice you were wearing his boxers. Your hands thick thighs were filling them out so well. His hands moved to grip them as he watched you talk. You’d kill him later for not listening but he just felt so much dread when he was away from you that he couldn’t help but just stare at you forever.

“Rennie, papa are you okay? You’re getting all red. Are you feeling sick baby?”

You were worried, he had a bad history of getting sick easily. With him coming back from another country he could have likely caught something. It would hurt your heart to know he wasn’t feeling well.

“I’m fine baby. Keep going. I wanna hear you talk.”

“Are you sure baby? We can go lay down if you’d like.”

It warmed his heart how much you cared for him. You made him the man he was. He used to be so closed off to anyone that wasn’t your friends mikasa and armin. You taught him how to deal with the grief of life and got him therapy to get through the rough days of his depression. He just loved you so much and truly couldn’t imagine being anywhere without you.

“I’m fine baby, just missed you so much..”

For my girlie @merakidoll

[corviiids]

If i ask nicely, would you consider writing the core of Light and L character like you did for Shuake? (IT'S BRILLIANT BTW!! You're so galazy brain. I love reading any meta or just silly posts you posted here <3) because you mention Light a couple time in Akechi's part and now i need to know your thought on him and L.

(Also, about the death note wip you're cooking right now, is it a oneshot or multiple chapters fic? Im super excited for it!)

i ABSOLUTELY would thank you so much for asking and for your lovely kind words. and im sorry this took me seven years to get to i just kept psyching myself out.

here's the ren & goro post this ask refers to for anyone wondering. the 'core' refers to my answer to a writing meme:

26. What would you describe as OOC? [...] it's the same approach i take to language tbh particularly in pronunciation. once you understand how a language forms its sounds at a base level, you dont struggle with the accent on particular words, and you can encounter words you've never seen before and understand how they're likely to be said/spelled/etc. so once i learn to 'speak' a character they come more naturally. idk if that comparison makes sense to anyone else but it does to meeeee all this to say i think a character is ooc if they do or say something i cant reconcile with that core!

the death note wip is a multichap!! thank you for your interest!!! ill talk about it more once i've stopped tying myself in knots plotting it!! broadly it's a what-if type au which has led me to replot an entire series from scratch dont look at me

anyway lawlight below. i will say ive been really desperately wanting to do like a video essay or something about death note which would be a lot about L and light specifically and how i interpret their characters so ill try and not go toooooo insane in this post but maybe ill go more insane later. in a video. with my human voice.

(edit: i failed i went insane)

light - one-way road to the sky

ok let's talk about one of my favourite scenes of the entire series, which i think is widely not super well understood but honestly to me holds the key to light's entire character. it's right there in volume 1

sorry, the only digital copy ive got on hand is the scanlation. for comparison the official print copy reads:

bubble 1: hey, maki, wanna party tomorrow with some guys from s. college? ten o'clock. bubble 2: yeah, totally! bubble 3: hey, can i go too? bubble 4: my mom isn't here yet? what's that nag doing, geez! light (thinking): damn... light (thinking): start looking around you... light (thinking): and all you see are people the world would be better off without.

this happens within the first 40 pages of the first volume. and it's like. haha hey light what the fuck? this is a totally normal scene in everyday life. people are talking about living their lives. nobody's done anything remotely reprehensible in this scene. and light's just walking through the streets experiencing apparently unprompted and quite extreme misanthropy. what's wrong with him

ok let's have a quick look at the first time we meet light in the anime.

[...]

[...]

cool cool cool im gonna pivot again let's look at the first song (besides the overture) in the musical.

ok rook! we get it! light yagami is out here like damn we live in a society time to kill people about it. this is news to nobody! we all know this!! that's what the series is about! why are we rehashing all of this

great. cool. awesome. let's look at all those scenes one more time. but this time don't look at light. instead let's look at the people around him

in the opening shots of the anime (after the shinigami world, which actually is much the same theme): news of brutal murder is narrated over establishing shots of tokyo. light is shown dead-eyed, going about his ordinary life, surrounded by random other civilians doing the same thing.

in the musical, light isn't angry that murders happen. he's angry about the inaction and complicity of the ordinary people around him.

these scenes aren't highlighting that light thinks crime is bad. we all know crime is bad. the point of these scenes is to contrast light's frustration and fury against the reactions of the people around him. here's what light yagami is seeing: we're surrounded with rot. but nobody's reacting. and then life just goes on. so suddenly all those completely normal scenes of people being concerned with the superficial details of their life aren't just normality, they're complicity. day in, day out. so the world is rotting, and to light, it seems that everyone is completely ok with that. that's just the way things are. and that disgusts and depresses him. on top of than that, it isolates him: he feels like he's the only one who sees or cares about this, that everyone dismisses him as naive, that no one else can be trusted, that everyone else is able to ignore something he sees as inexcusable. this is a sentiment he repeats again and again. it reads as arrogance, and it is, but it's also isolation - after all it's lonely at the top and just as lonely to feel like you're at the top even if you arent

can i talk about the iliad again? is that ok with everyone. im gonna talk about the iliad again

in book 1 of the iliad, the commander of the greek army insults achilles by publicly and unlawfully taking a prize (the girl briseis) who rightfully belonged to achilles. achilles reacts by withdrawing his troops from the army, dooming the greeks' campaign. achilles had a lot of friends in the army, so why would he essentially sentence them all to death for something that only agamemnon did? well, (because agamemnon did something publicly that everyone knew was wrong, and yet nobody was willing (or at least able) to stand up for achilles and stop it from happening. achilles, disgusted by the inaction of the bystanders, turned his back on all of them. fun fact i nearly wrote a mini thesis (an academic one not just a long post on tumblr) about the intersection btwn this book of the iliad and legal theory but law+classics is such a niche interdisciplinary field my professor couldnt find anyone who could supervise me so i couldnt do it. anyway that's not the point

is this right or fair? who cares, not the point. what im interested in is what that kind of behaviour says about the individual. light, like achilles, is a highly idealistic person. we all know that in the abstract, but take a second to really really dig into it, because it's actually quite an interesting fact about a character who is popularly understood as being cold and unfeeling or flatly psychotic and on a power trip. idealism isn't naivety, it's not optimism, it's not even really a happy thing. idealism is simply a firm belief in the way things should be at the cost of refusing or being unable to accept what is.

this is the core of light yagami to me. light doesn't become kira because he's cold or destructive or crazy. he doesn't actually even do it because he's spiteful or misanthropic. it's very much the opposite. he's misanthropic because he believes in the world so much. isn't that a great contradiction! ok here i'll show you some proof.

in an early scene (also in volume 1), light describes himself as an optimist and ryuk finds that interesting.

so light is an optimist. he believes in a bright future for humanity. he wants to protect humanity. he likes humanity. no, he doesn't believe that people are inherently good, but he does believe in some goodness as a part of humanity and wants to protect the best of people, in an egotistical way:

how do we reconcile that with a young man who walks through the streets listening to completely ordinary conversations by ordinary people and reacts by wishing death on everyone talking?

let's split out what's going on here. remember what's happening in light's head. light yagami is 17 years old. he grew up with a police chief for a father (in a fictional world where the police are the literary stand-in for law as justice so just pretend for a second that police are good im sorry), watching his father work tirelessly to fight crime - but crime continues, making this an endless, thankless task. and while crime continues, so does the world around him. every day light sees atrocities on the news, and he sees atrocities brought home, and then he lives his ordinary life and watches the people around him apparently not give a shit, only concerned with the petty details of their own little lives. bystanders watching wrong happen, selfishly unaffected. day in, day out. that idealism is getting colder the longer this unendurable injustice goes on. so achilles condemns his friends to death.

what human trait is being exhibited? realistically it's helplessness. would being miserable about crime help to end crime? of course not. people have to go on with their lives, that's a fact, it's even a strength. even light begins the series completely unable to do a thing about the rot he sees around him, which is part of why he's so depressed. but that's not what light is seeing. light is seeing ordinary people appear to choose not to give a fuck about injustice. the thing that's sparking his disgust is apathy, real or apparent. light yagami is an idealist. he wants a better future - a utopia that only he can imagine - something that can only happen if either everyone becomes as good as he is, or he takes control.

if you leave an idealist in an unwinnable situation for too long, their pure belief will start to curdle. it will not turn to realism. they will not accept what is. they will only become more and more bitter that what should be, isn't. they will become a cynicist. this is really the heart of my argument and ive made it a million times and ill make it again. idealism and cynicism are not opposites, they're not even two sides of a coin. they are two points on the same line which moves very quickly in only one direction. this is where i start when im writing him: how do i make someone who believes so hard that it's killing him? someone who believes so hard it makes him believe in nothing?

then we find the third point on that line, which someone can reach by gaining sudden power - for example, a magic notebook that kills people: radicalisation.

how do we reconcile his desire to protect humanity with the fact that what he's trying to protect against is also humanity? how can i say light loves humanity when he has such disdain for them? easy peasy: light sees himself as the messiah. my bumper sticker that says ask me about light's martyr complex PLEASE ask me about light's martyr complex i wrote a song about it ask me about light seeing himself as the sacrificial lamb on the (and then the bumper sticker cuts off)

light loves humanity the way a twisted shepherd might love his sheep. something to be protected, but something beneath you that can't be trusted to know what's best for them. humanity is something he loves because it's endearingly pathetic, something to pity and save. repeatedly he refers to becoming kira as a personal sacrifice, something that costs him his soul but that he has to do. it's a delusion of grandeur driven by dual purposes of ego and some desperate wish to change a status quo he's been despairing about for years.

tl;dr: light believes with all his soul in something he thinks is impossible, and it's killing him slowly, and then a chance to change the world just falls out of the sky

L - isolate yourself until you can make believe it's just a game

steeples fingers. i have Things to Say about L Lawliet.

ok listen. listen. Listen. listen. are you listening? listen. in general i think people kind of misunderstand characters who are hyper-intellectual and/or behave unconventionally in social settings. you're all going to fucking kill me for this but i think there's a tendency to like... accidentally turn any character who falls vaguely in this broad category into sheldon cooper. god im sorry i feel like i just shot everyone's collective dog

specifically what i mean by that is that 'awkward' gets flanderised in a way that eventually becomes a caricature of itself, because there is so much nuance to actual social awkwardness that it's very easy to kind of pick a template and stick to it without really thinking about what makes that character 'awkward' and what the root and type of awkwardness is, unique to them. so instead we just get, like... generic big word user. generic driven by logic and logic alone guy. generic guy who doesn't Do Well with other people, for Smart Reasons.

here's a list of true things about L which i think are safe to say are uncontroversial

intuitive

logical, master of deductive reasoning

competitive

behaves in an odd way that draws attention

is aware of that fact

focuses extremely hard on his cases and only cares about being a detective not anything else

isolates himself and doesn't like talking to people partly for his own safety partly because it's boring to him

here are things i have seen in characterisation of L which i would like to dispute

makes decisions and draws conclusions based solely on logic and evidence

doesn't understand social cues

here's a list of alternate interpretations which i would like to propose and that i am willing to back up with evidence and/or by physically fighting over them

is driven primarily not by logic or evidence, but by incredible intuition which is supported by logic and evidence when it suits him

has a keen understanding of people, interpersonal relationships, and social norms

leverages that understanding frequently to his benefit

feels that he is not capable of / not a part of emotions that he sees as being typically human (see his speech about being a monster)

and yet in an abstract and self-contradictory and low-priority way still kind of desires connection, leaving him emotionally isolated

chooses to behave oddly on purpose, not because he doesn't realise he's behaving oddly, but because it is not a priority for him

those might seem like fine distinctions at some points, but stray slightly off the mark and his characterisation begins to vary wildly. for example, interpret L as being bemused or unaware of social cues, and one possible characterisation that may stem from that understanding (which i have seen) is that L doesn't understand sarcasm or jokes - which is demonstrably untrue. L demonstrates weak social skills because social skills aren't a priority for him, not because he doesn't understand social norms. after all he does a reasonably convincing 'i am a normal dudeguy' voice on at least two occasions (suzuki the information line guy and asahi the calling matsuda for drinks guy). even with the taskforce, when his behaviour is more of his usual bizarre self, he still makes the effort to treat them respectfully and meet them where they are, explaining himself when they ask, chatting with them, holding ordinary conversations. you can read this any number of ways but my point is that he can do all of this with relatively little struggle

it's also very much not the case that L doesn't have feelings or care about other people. he's ruthless and he's cool with causing people to die if he has to, but he reacts with visible distress to the deaths of the FBI agents, to ukita's death, to the prospect of other members of the taskforce dying. he does care, he's just not morally driven as a priority.

ok but if he can cosplay as Normal Dudeguy with no trouble then why doesn't he. why does he conduct all his business in dark rooms apart from the entire world forever. is it gauche to use a section of my own fic to explain my point? im going to do it anyway

It is easy to identify in Light what he has long known in himself. That little pearl of disruption, grown around an irritating grain of something just unique and tremendous enough to be uncomfortable to the more ordinary around them. L has hidden it by hiding himself. Light has hidden it by hiding within himself. L's black letter is to Light’s vapid smile is to Kira's invisible bullet.

(honestly a lot of what i have discussed here is also covered in this fic so in case this fucking three thousand word essay is not enough for you you can go read that.)

something L and light significantly have in common is that their intellect and unique way of thinking really set them apart from everyone in the world, which is incredibly isolating. but while L has the 'benefit' (arguably could be a detriment but i think he sees it as a benefit) of a unique upbringing which allows him to use his skills to their full extent without worrying about really anything else, light is very much trapped by social convention. while light's life is privileged and materially perfect, he's stuck inside what society expects of him, while L is able to exist completely outside that paradigm. the result is that light has retreated within himself and spends all day playing a part, barely tolerating the monotony and apathy of the world around him by mechanically performing as expected while smothering the part of him that never has an opportunity to truly come out until kira. L, on the other hand, has no reason to put up with a society that is, for lack of a better term, really just beneath him. so he retreats. remember that the first volume/chapter of the manga is called 'boredom'.

you can see that even in his comparatively limited interactions with the task force, he is having to exercise a level of patience to explain to them what he's thinking at every stage, to have to defend his methods, his instincts, his decisions, etc, needing to step through every stage of his reasoning so that the others can follow and won't object. this is NOT just about masking his odd behaviour, it's also very much about having to step through his morals and his process, which is second nature to him but is new to everyone else and needs explaining. it is visibly exhausting to him, and this is with people he actually seems to like well enough. eg during yotsuba arc when light and soichiro keep raising moral concerns, and he has those little "here we go again" moments (which i love SO much and are so telling of him to me) even though he doesn't let his frustration show. which is why he usually does not bother with it and prefers to work alone. he sits the way he does even though he knows it's odd, because he feels he need to sit that way. when light calls it out, he doesn't question that people will think he's strange, so he's clearly aware. he just explains himself.

but if he were out with people on the regular, he'd need to defend himself constantly. the things L does are not conventional. yes the sitting is just an oddity of his so it's a good example, but it's not just the things that are odd that cause a problem: he frequently makes decisions which seem to make massive leaps of logic nobody else (except light) can follow, and often his actions are morally questionable or even reprehensible. all that is because L is extremely pragmatic and results-focused. it kind of doesn't matter to him how he gets from A to B as long as he gets to B. but the way his mind works is that he makes big jumps that make perfect sense to him but would draw curiosity or objection from anyone who doesn't think the way he does. it would be absolutely exhausting to have to constantly defend every strange or questionable thing he did, so he just retreats.

when he works with other people, i think it's worth noting that the team dynamic never actually struggles for L's awkwardness. this is something i really like about death note honestly - L is quirky and strange, but the series doesn't do that thing where it's like He's A Genius Of Course He's Rude To Everyone. he's actually not. for the most part, L is courteous, patient, and polite. he's sometimes blunt or abrupt, but he very rarely does the thing where he's obliviously cruel or brushes people off. he's considerate of people's needs, he's visibly compassionate of other people's emotional difficulties, and he very rarely loses his patience. when matsuda tries to tell the locked-up light about kira resuming activity, L snaps "Matsuda!" to stop him, and then immediately corrects himself to go "I mean, Matsuda-san." it would have been really easy for the series to do that tropey shit where he's so smart that he doesn't bother with politeness, but he factually does. he makes the effort to treat people politely even when he's not actually being kind. when he's asked to explain himself, the reader can see he's tired and annoyed, but he doesn't take it out on people. on the odd occasion he does make fun of someone for being slow, he does so in mostly light-hearted ways. so he is very capable of dealing with other people directly. his lack of social skills aren't for lack of understanding. he just can't be bothered. it's a waste of energy to try and behave 'normally' or to do things that other people find acceptable, whether that's due to social norm or common morality. it is so, so much easier for L to do things alone. without the need to explain or defend his behaviour to anyone, his isolation turns real world problems into something almost purely theoretical. so it really is like a game for him, at least at first.

whatever

i think it's really important for a character like L to not be fooled by the surface-level categorisation of 'smart awkward character'. we really need to find what's driving his awkwardness. it's not ignorance, it's not even really disdain, it's exasperation. he's tired of being surrounded by people who just can't keep up with him, and he does not have enough energy or interest to spend his time handholding everyone through his process, so he just does whatever the hell he wants and avoids people as much as possible so he doesn't have to deal with it.

look i know this is a really long way to say stuff that people mostly already know, but i think L is one of the most finely nuanced characters in the series because he looks like such a simple expression of a known archetype and the ways in which he subverts expectations are so granular that it's easy to completely miss them even while appreciating how interesting he is. the way this translates into how i write him is that he's polite and has a lot of patience until he simply doesn't, at which point he'll inwardly or subtly express that he wishes he didn't have to bother with this shit, that he picks up on fine social and emotional details that other people will totally miss, but that he'll always put his own whims and plans before anything else.

tl;dr: L behaves like someone who is constantly moving at his own pace and for whom dealing with people is rarely worth the effort, but this does not make him inept or unkind.

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Miguel's is wrong about how Canon works and here is why

I STILL can't get over how this guy says this entire thing, and SOMEHOW, doesn't realize of the glaring hole in his logic.

Now, if you are familiar with my blog, you had probably seen this post before; I had written about this in different essays, however I realized I don't have THE post dedicated exclusively to why Miguel is wrong about this, especially since a few arguments are different places, so I decided to do one for simplicity sake. I will include some small things that may be new, but really don't add much in the big scheme of things.

If you aren't familiar with my content and you think Miguel is right, I invite to read this post, and if by the end you still think he is right and I am in the wrong, please reblog with your arguments. I love discussing these things.

Let's go!

Did you catch the issue yet?

Here is the thing: How a canon event can happen if the person who caused it wasn't supposed to be there?

Miguel is blaming the hole on Miles, saying that it happened because it disrupted the canon event; yet what caused the canon event?

Spot. He did it.

However-

Spot isn't Pavitr's nemesis, he doesn't even give CARE about Pavitr.

And to top it all off-

The existence of Spot himself is supposed to be an anomaly, Miguel even says how none of this would had happened; including the canon incident that Miles allegedly interrupted.

This is why it doesn't make sense.

Spot is not the arch-nemesis of Pavitr, Spot didn't even want to talk to Pavitr and was mostly ignoring anyone who wasn't Miles. And again, MIGUEL SAYS HOW SPOT SHOULDN'T have EXISTED REGARDLESS.

How come Captain Singh was supposed to die in that bridge, if this wasn't the fight he is suppose to kick said event?

Because remember, Miguel says it needs to be a battle against an arch-nemesis too; meaning that if this needed to happen today, THE CANON EVENT WAS ALREADY DISRUPTED BECAUSE THE WRONG PERSON DID IT.

If anything, Miles should had been doing exactly what he did, because if Captain Singh needed to die while Pavitr was battling against and arch-nemesis, Captain Singh dying NOW means that can't happen.

"BUT THERE IS A BLACK HOLE BECAUSE MILES SAVED THE CAPTAIN!"

No, that thing literally happen before we ever saw the Captain.

Let's recapitulate what is going on in these images. The explosion created this black matter that is slowly growing and absorbing the building, and then on the spot where building fell, instead of the building, there is a black hole that is doing the exact thing as the dark matter was doing, absorbing the material it touches.

There is no way in hell I am not thinking these two things aren't the same thing; it wouldn't make sense to have that black matter absorbing the building, and then magically disappear, just to have the black hole from the "interrupted canon event."

"But Lyla said it detected a canon event!"

Oh this is the part I haven't made a comment about, I can't say is 100% a rebuttal but it makes me laugh.

"Markers are predicting a canon event."

What Lyla (or whatever system Miguel has) is detecting, is the fact that Captain Singh is in danger, that's what Lyla is picking up.

However, is only picking on the fact that Captain Singh is in danger, not on the fact that this isn't a fight between Pavitr and his Arch-Nemesis; or how arguably the fact this is happening when the battle is done could count as an anomaly too.

This thing is working EXACTLY like AI and is making me cackle so hard.

For those who don't know, computers are stupid, extremely stupid; every time you are surprised a computer picked on something, that's because a human was behind to program to detect those things.

If you ever fear the idea of "Computers taking over the world," take a few programming classes, or just try to code yourself from youtube videos. You tell a phrase to a human, and even if you miss a word or something, chances are the person can still understand what you are trying to say; you miss one letter while coding, and the computer has a meltdown.

Miguel most probably made the data with things that seems to align with "canon events", and have Lyla detect whatever seems to resemble any of those models.

So basically, this works as well as Youtube's algorithm, in which you could see a video talking about how a show is trash and fails in several points, and then in your recommendations appears videos of people praising the show; because the only thing it picked on was the show and that was it.

"But Miguel says how the universe he was got destroyed for defying canon!"

Here is my problem with that, none of the examples Miguel has about an "universe breaking for breaking canon" look the same.

Let's break it down.

Miguel's second universe: Things glitch briefly before they start crumbling and disappear entirely.

Pavtir's universe after the Spot: Hole starts sinking an entire building and it is led to believe more can be dragged.

Miles's universe in ITSV: Things glitch, that's it, in other instances is shown to have other things to take it's place, but that's about it.

None of these behave the same, which would be weird if these ones were all truly, all breaking apart because canon was broken; shouldn't it all behave the same is they broke for all of them defying it's canon?

Yet what a coincidence that none of this looks so weird once you put context behind it.

Pavitr's universe is being swallowed by a hole just after the guy who creates holes and wants to open some more became a multidimensional monster thanks to a big Collider who of course can magnify the Spot's effect.

And Miles universe ONLY glitches when someone is messing up with the Collider.

Watch ITSV again, tell me one, ONE instance when the universe seems to be falling apart that isn't explained by Kingpin activating the Collider. Or do me one better, show me one time the Universe seems to glitching when something that "isn't canon" is happening.

The only universe I don't have an explanation from, is the universe where we DON'T see what happened, and instead we are told by the same guy who is making this entire theory.

What a coincidence, huh?

There is technically more I could bring to the table (Miguel saying is Miles's fault this is happening being astronomically stupid; on the fact that Spot exists and has multiple spiders but Miles universe is still fine) but for now I think this is enough.

If anyone can think anything that I may have missed, please reblog with said comment; I had learned a lot of things by rebutting people before.

Don't get me wrong, I could be wrong! I am not above thinking I may be missing something or mess up, but so far the right person to do so hasn't appeared.

BONUS: Miguel is just doing his best!

I had repeated this a lot of times, but I am still fairly angry about it, so let me repeat it again.

Wanting to do your best, or being traumatized, doesn't excuse the harm you do to others. The more damage you do, the least you can excuse said actions.

Miguel is so focused on his martyr complex he cannot notice an incongruity as he is explaining the problem to Miles. The audience not catching onto this makes sense, but Miguel? You have an idea, how astronomically bad it is that you are letting the faith of the multi-verse at risk because you are so traumatized you cannot see what's in front of you?

Here is my take on all of this: Miguel's focuses more about his own pain than the multiverse, why? Because if that wasn't the case, he would had caught on the mistakes a while ago.

The fact that he is so hurt that he refuses to see things another way, or think another possibilities, is putting the multiverse in danger.

Is thinking that Pavitr's universe may fall apart because a guy didn't die instead of investigating how the dark matter works and how to stop it.

Is saying Miles is at fault for being bitten, despite the Spot being the one to bring the spiders, and still has multiple of them.

Is the fact that he is letting people suffer by making people live horrible tragedies, that if I am as right as I think am about this, could had been avoided.

I had seen people who were abused go out to abuse others, I had seen people excuse horrible behaviour because they had a bad childhood or were stress out; as if that means is okay to continue with the cycle.

And I don't tolerate that shit.

Sorry ending it with that, this is a topic that really drives me up the wall.

Thank you for anyone who came along in this ready! As always if you have the chance please support my ko-fi, and if you can’t, please share this post around!

[stripedstarsblueflags]

i didn't win the wheel: episode 3 (pt. 2)

[competition ends, time to spin the wheel; Logan starts listing the prizes]

Logan: "...and a Logan mini helmet.."

Alex (who has made NO COMMENT yet and has seen all these prizes before: "Ah, that's not bad!"

oh alex what's wrong? you went most of a video without talking to each other? are you having WITHDRAWAL SYMPTOMS... merch is merch yeah :/ but it's my teammate's merch :) logan mini helment :D how cool is that :)

Alex (because he can't think before he speaks for the life of him): "I think the prize I wouldn't want.... *visible moment of regret* I– I shouldn't say, but–"

Logan (OH MY GOD THE SUN IS COMING OUT): "I know what it is, I know what you're thinking of!"

oh. oh OKAY. i see how it is now i already said they were in sync but APPARENTLY I DIDN'T SAY IT LOUD ENOUGH cause we had to double back and canonically confirm that out loud OKAY. can i just point out that knowing what someone likes and knowing what someone *dislikes* requires a whole different level of observation? like, think about it? and the dialogue ALONE is enough to write an essay on but the whole thing together?? alex leaning way in shoulder to shoulder we all know he can see the ipad logan chiming in as soon as alex starts fumbling the smile starting to spread on his face even as he's still looking down and then he and alex turn their heads in at the exact same time and logan gives him that smile as he says that line and at first alex is laughing but as soon as he gets those eyes he has to like giggle and blush and look down and curl in on himself WHAT? and then and then. both turning back to the ipad and alex is clearly trying to get ahold of himself and logan just sort of repeats in this half-gentle half-laughing but also like low voice, "I know what you're thinking..." like OOF that took it out of me. somebody on ao3 probably knows a specific term for sweet/teasing/sexy/provocative/taunting/gentle but for now i'm not settling on an adjective!! "I know what you're thinking" both gravelly and endeared after you've made someone literally do the blushing eyes-cast-down thing like 10 cm from their face... that is not from real life!! that is fanfiction!

[prize wheel spins, lands on Logan mini helmet]

Alex: "WHOA!"

Logan: "Oh, it's me..."

Alex *round of actual applause*: "That's a good prize!"

Logan (talking to the camera and ignoring the sparkles and rainbows next to him): "It's a Logan mini helmet... I won the challenge, so it makes sense–"

Alex (completely talking over him): "Is it gonna be signed? Are you gonna sign it? Are you gonna sign it?"

"that's a good prize" YOU SAID THAT ALREADY ALEX! he looks so excited!!! he looks like he got to win a prize– which is his TEAMMATE'S MERCH like, alex is a williams driver as a side hustle. his main career is actually logan sargeant fanboy, sorry to break the news like this.

at this point logan is kind of retreating into his own world again– not kind of, you can tell. the activity is officially over. the spinning the wheel part– the stupid thing all the hype is about– has concluded it. it's like he's got switches in his head that are flipped on and off for him. he did the fun part, he played the game. he had a little fun getting in close proximity to alex towards the end as has become tradition and then it sort of fades away for him.

not for alex, though. for alex, logan's still the brightest in the solar system. no matter how much or how little logan opens the blinds to anyone else alex feels the sunlight like it's never stopped shining. like the light in logan's eyes doesn't go out.

and so alex is excited. he thinks winning and then getting rewarded with the privilege of using essentially a random number generator to give a prize for somebody else who didn't even play is just ridiculous... and it is. but now he's loving it, and we know why

ep 3 bonus

episode 4

[lavendarlily]

yeah of course my first fic for @phicphight is gonna be crack

for the prompt that wasn't a prompt by @faeriekit

am i doing this right?

prompt: PR096 - No prompt, just a note; I can't guarantee I understand the format of the prompts required here.

words: 777

click here to read on ao3

jack stumbles across something troubling, but finds the light at the end of the tunnel.

Finally. He had the house to himself. Jazz was at a study group, Maddie went to test some weapons in the field, and Danny… well, all Jack knew was that Danny wasn’t home. 

Jack loved his family - so incredibly much that it was a miracle you could fit all that love into one man (even one at Jack’s size). Yet between the needs of his children and assisting his wife with her inventions, it was difficult to find a moment for himself. Believe it or not, Jack Fenton did in fact have interests and hobbies outside of ghosts. It was just hard to make time for them, and boy was that new yarn burning a hole in his crafts closet, just waiting to be used. First, there were a few techniques he wanted to research before really digging in.

He fetched the laptop from the basement, and grabbed a soda from the fridge on his way to the living room. Jack settled in, feet resting on the coffee table since Maddie wasn’t home to tell him otherwise. He opened the computer, and groaned to himself when a myriad of open tabs took over the screen.

He’d told the kids so many times! Close your tabs after using the computer! He was always afraid of accidentally closing or deleting something they needed or hadn’t saved. There was also a sense that looking through their history was an invasion of privacy, but whoever had used the computer last would have to give up that privilege. He carefully clicked through the tabs, making sure there wasn’t anything potentially important before exiting out of each one. At least his kids had been doing their homework - Shakespeare analyses, essay writing tips, and hey! They’d found a tutor through some site called ChatGPT that was helping them with their assignment. 

He was almost done, ready to dive into video tutorials on achieving the perfect cross-stitch, when he paused. Though Jack tried not to linger on a page longer than he deemed necessary, this one caught his attention. An all too familiar face stared back at him - multiple faces - arranged against a blue background. Jack squinted his eyes at the search bar, reading it aloud.

“Tum-bl-er,” he said slowly. What the hell was this? Jack was certainly concerned at the amount of Phantom propaganda on the screen, leading to an even more troubling question: Which of his kids had fallen under the ghost boy’s spell to have ended up on a hell-site like this?

He scrolled through post after post of photos taken by Amity Park locals, elaborate drawings of the ghost kid, musings of his origins and whereabouts and… oh gosh… love-life. Who were these people worshiping Phantom like this? And why was Jack still looking at it?

It was like a car crash - he couldn’t look away. However, this led him to one post that finally gave Jack a semblance of hope. 

Phic Phight.

Jack knew he was no genius, but he side-eyed the misspelling and continued to skim through the rest of it. Fighting was all he needed to hear, especially if there was a group of people who idolized Phantom like… this. The ghost kid needed to go. These people needed to be saved from his manipulation! The words “Team Human” jumped out at Jack from the text, and without needing any more convincing that this is where he needed to be, he clicked the link that led to where he could sign up. 

He skipped through all the boring information and went straight into entering his information. There were a few questions he didn’t know how to answer, but he was Jack Fenton! Anyone who was organizing against the ghost problem that plagued Amity Park knew where to find him. 

There were only a few questions left, labeled as “Prompts”. Jack wasn’t too certain what it meant, but he could only envision it as where to leave suggestions for the best ways to defeat and capture Phantom. He entered the words electrocute, net, and Fenton Bazooka. He felt a little guilty for not understanding the entire gist of what was going on, so he also left a quick note for the organizer in hopes they would be forgiving.

Jack clicked the submit button at the bottom of the page and smiled to himself. He couldn’t wait to meet all these other folks interested in the well-being of their town. Team Human. It had a nice ring to it. He’d be sure to let Maddie know when she returned - who wouldn’t want the Fentons on their team?

And maybe… he could even get his boy Danny in on it too. 

[pardonmydelays]

How did i get new tattoo essay ✨

i started writing this earlier on my laptop but had to take a nap immediately because i was too exhausted lmao ANYWAY

i've been dreaming about tattoos for years but i feel like i wasn't really sure about what to get to not regret it later (*cough cough* i do have one tattoo that i deeply regret but it's not really visible and also i have an idea already what to do with it *cough cough*), however recently i've realized that i am old enough and i know myself and my own style enough now to get something that i will definitely want to keep forever. i guess some things will never change.

i wanted something that would look cool but also weird and wouldn't make any sense for anyone who's not me lmao (when i told the tattoo artist about it she said "the weirder the better"). this one will be definitely hard to decode for everyone, but to me it has so many meanings. it kinda represents my love for art in every form, something that makes me feel more alive than anything else in this world. something that's going to work as a reminder for me that it's worth to stay alive just to experience all those little things - to hear your favourite band's new album, play a new video game or go to a concert. we often say with bel that we need to "stay alive for this or that". and life is a motherfucking struggle. for me staying alive is one of the hardest thing to do, but hey, i guess i have no other choice. the idea came to me when i started playing "stray" (huge thanks to my very good friend finn who told me about the game) and fell in love with the world they created. especially the alphabet that i find so fascinating i decided to use it for my tattoo. it looks cool as fuck.

btw, my tattoo artist was super excited when i explained the idea to her because she said stray is on her list and she really wants to play it soon. we were talking about video games a lot. such a lovely person.

also "stay alive" is literally my favourite band's motto, but most of you know it. it's one of the reasons why i decided to use this phrase too.

[buckgettingstruck]

Maaaybe Oliver doesn’t post about Bucktommy because he knows how rancid Buddie fans tend to get. They were the reason he left Twitter back in the days, after all. That’s an actual fact. Just saying. Fans have been sending Joaquin Sedillo shit on Twitter, saying stuff like Tommy fans is killing the show and everything (they have as much a right to be here as anyone else)

Let’s not pretend this is a new issue. Buddie fans have been harassing actors for years, Gabrielle, who played Ana, made a video about it. Megan West got tons of hate, Arielle Kebbel got harassed despite not even being a love interest. This is yet another fact. Harassment is Buddie fans forte.

So just maybe there’s a reason Oliver isn’t overly vocal about BT. But him saying he wants Tommy to be a part of Buck’s life from now on is strong enough. Not to mention he did say he looks forward to building on the relationship and see where it goes.

I just don’t get why you all get off on being overly hateful and make stuff up, especially when it comes to Oliver. It is giving parasocial… maybe people need to go outside for a bit instead of acting like you all know the man.

i said none of us are oliver in your initial ask. who knows how he actually feels about it but he does only really interact with buddie art and stuff like that but not for the other ship. so does joaquin. i know a lot of buddie fans can be gross, and i dont condone that. i think a huge problem with the fanbase is the misogyny but nobody on MY blog has been doing that. i just answer asks when i see them in my inbox. ive called out people already for being gross in my inbox as well.

also bucktommy fans can be just as bad! its not just a buddie thing its an internet thing. someone had to leave tumblr and twitter because they got called out for calling buddie shippers SLURS.

also if i need to go outside why are you on my blog sending essays trying to provoke an argument 😭

please leave me alone itll better protect your peace

[madlockcal]

( BENJAMIN WADSWORTH, CISMALE, HE/HIM ) CALUM MADLOCK the TWENTY FOUR year old is said to remind people of FIDGETING WITH SHARP OBJECTS, FUCKED UP BOX OF CIGARETTES they are known to be AMICABLE and INDECISIVE which makes sense when you think about how they are A DRUG RUNNER in THE BLACK SPADES.

Hi hello! My name is T and in this essay I will be introducing you to my home boi Calum. There will be some triggering topics below so please proceed with caution!

basics:

full name:  Calum Alexander Madlock

nicknames:  Cal, CAM, Callie,

gender:  Cismale

pronouns:  He/Him

sexuality:  Pansexual

age:  24

date of birth:  April 5th

Birthplace: Philadelphia, PA

zodiac sign:  Aries

likes:  Sprite, cough syrup, mixing the two, yoyo’s, video games, collecting key chains

dislikes: When it takes people to long to unlock the car door, cold fries, reality TV

Background: (tw: Overdose, drug use)

What all can be said about Calum Madlock? He wasn’t the popular kid in high school by any means. At least not for his personality he wasn’t. The only time anyone really paid him much attention was when he set the head cheerleaders uniform on fire on a dare. She deserved it anyways. Especially after slapping him for trying to get her best friend to steal a car with him. His drug dealing tendencies were another story. He didn’t start out that way. On the contrary. Calum's home life was decent. He was born to two very wealthy parents who loved and adored him, but loved traveling the world for work even more. Leaving him most of the time with his grandparents. Which on its own should not have been a reason for Cal to spiral down the path that he had.

Unfortunately like most men in his family, Calum was cursed with the same luck of falling for people who had a knack for damaging them. He met Natalia Walsh on his first day of school freshman year and fell instantly in love with her. Didn’t have to do much chasing. She fell for him just as quickly. As per usual things started out innocent. Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl. Girl also likes drugs. Calum learned quickly that Nat had been raised by an entire family of addicts and despite her assurance watched as the girl he loved just as quickly fell victim to the powers of addiction. Fortunately for Nat, Calum was far from the good boy his parents and grandparents had expected him to be. Had, had his own introduction to pot and cocaine when he’d been out to visit his cousins in Portland. Envied his cousins life for his ability to get high so freely without having to hide it from anyone.

As time went on he and Nat grew and developed new loves for trying different things together. Everything was all good until coming home from a stint in rehab and having been informed by his grandparents that they’d gotten a call from her parents. They had come home and found her dead on arrival thanks to an unknown cocktail she’d taken without telling him. Calum had no idea where she’d gotten it but her parents still reached out to his grandparents immediately to warn them. This earned Calum a one way ticket back to rehab.

Lot of good that did him right? Wrong! Because how are you ever supposed to recover from knowing you could have done something but didn’t? By drowning yourself further. When he’d returned home from rehab he was immediately transferred to a boarding school for the rich and the preppy. People he didn’t fit in with and certainly didn’t get along with. But he’d found solace in rising to the top as the number one drug dealer that school had ever seen. They didn’t have to like him. Not when they needed him. And he used this to propel him through his remaining high school years. Sure things weren’t perfect. They were never going to be for a kid who got his kicks getting high and making a menace of his peers. Unfortunately when it came time for college applications, after all the money his grandparents had spent having to send him to boarding school, it meant he had no choice but to apply for a scholarship if he wanted any hope of getting into the school they had also hand picked for him. Little did they know, the "scholarship" he received was far from real and instead had him running away to New York. He no longer felt the need for the familial ties he'd once craved. Not when he'd find himself affiliated with The Black Spades. They'd become his new family, and made doing the kind of business he'd always thrived in a breeze.

[destinygoldenstar]

(I DO NOT OWN THIS SCREENSHOT)

So, Digital Circus’s second episode is coming tomorrow.

You know, in the Pilot’s case, I waited a month or two before I watched it myself. That’s just because I’m not someone who dives head first into trends and just does my own thing.

My introduction to Digital Circus was a random YouTube video essay about how this show was a prime example of how indie animation was now becoming more successful than Disney’s Wish.

I was shocked by that. Anyone would. (They meant by audience reception of course) So I got curious by that idea and what the show did to earn that. Then I saw there was only one episode of it and I was CONFUSED.

And originally, I was going to not watch the show because fanbase. But this news did get be at least interested to watch the Pilot once.

So I did…

OOPS. I’m hooked.

I just fell in love with what the pilot episode had to offer that appealed to me at the time, and maybe now more than back then now that I am an adult in the real world.

There was no trying to replicate realism. They were embracing COLOR, and out there character designs all animated differently yet beautifully. There were mysteries regarding the world they created just begging for theories and speculation. There was such great editing that does NOT get talked about more. It wasn’t like the other physical horror mascot horrors, as instead it was existential, toying with peoples minds, which to me was SO much more compelling. This had one of the most relatable protagonists I’ve seen in quite some time. A ringmaster I love to see on screen. Other characters begging to be explored. While not every joke landed for me, I definitely vibed with its style of humor.

So, meaningless to say, I understood why this show resonates with so many people, including myself.

So the show staying indie and not letting any major cooperations dictate how they run their show and their story, is inspiring.

So while I do see the signs so far being that the show will turn out good, by the way the creators want it to turn out (it’s their show after all). I’m just always naturally skeptical. But I am still excited for tomorrow when the fandom blows up.

But I will probably also try to ignore the fanbase reception and just do my own review post on it. Unfortunately I have work so I can’t watch it right away. But you know I’m going to.

Tbh, I think I figured out now what my relationship is with this show. I’m not watching it because it’s popular and trending.

I’m watching this because I want to watch it.

It’s genuinely grasped me as an audience member and spoke to me. And I genuinely want to see where the shows story heads.

That and I want to support indie animation and the people who have the creative freedom to make this, and prove that executives don’t have to dictate said creative freedom.

So whether or not this show lives up to the hype till the end or ends up a massive disappointment. Going into my college years, I have a gut feeling this is going to become my comfort show alongside Ninjago and Total Drama to get me through these tough times in my life. That’s something I’ll always be grateful for no matter what.

Anyway, yeah, I’m excited for this.

[autisticempathydaemon]

im here for the redacted matches thingy if ur still doing them !!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? - turn the lights off by tally hall, specifically the lyric ‘everybody likes to get taken for turns, to see how bright the fire inside of us burns’ bc it scratches the right itch in my brain and reminds me of my horror obsessed friends 😋

What is your Enneagram type? - type 2 helper

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why? - i love wendigoons ones, especially his fnaf lore and vhs tape ones !

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend. - i used to be obsessed with the rainbow magic fairy books when i was younger and my favourite was heather the violet fairy so whenever i’d see anything purple i’d imagine she was with me

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? - listening to lana del rey, any redacted video or the new jersey rats

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?) - probably lilian, idrk why it’s just a really pretty name

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? - regulus’s rewriting your memories video, it’s so creepy i love it

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) - DAVID. (also avior but i haven’t listened to any of his audios bc when i did i had a panic attack)

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to. - mean girls lmfao

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? - asher or huxley !!

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) - usually my cats but my friends have said i started waffling about ash from fantastic mr fox then passed straight out more than once ??

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. - unfortunately i am british so anyone i can find as long as it’s not on fire

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. - this 12 hour long playlist called pancakes (all of my playlists are named after breakfast foods) that has every song i’ve ever liked on it

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why? - audio roleplays bc it’s been my coping mechanism for so long i don’t remember why it started 😭🙏

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! - erm im an ENFP i have ocd im a hello kitty girl im obsessed w melanie martinez and i have a weird obsession of the psychology behind yanderes :D

There are so many reasons, big and small, for this pairing, and that’s why I like it. Personalities need to match, of course, but also you and Milo and all your cats are gonna make such a cute, blended family.

Your personality types give me the vibe of an energetic, outgoing person- effusive, fun, and interesting which would make you such a good match for Milo who has a similar temperament. I factored your OCD and panic attacks in my choice since it’s canon Milo handles his partner’s anxiety and intrusive thoughts well. I also based my choice off your being a horror fan and British, because it’s so silly to pair that scaredy cat with horror fans, and I think y’all’s accents would be fun together- just so many reasons, like I said, big and small, for why I think y’all would be a cute match.

I can’t imagine a cozier home than the one you two will share. It’s so fun to imagine the process of the two of you getting used to each other’s cats and them getting used to each other. (Marie really has her work cut out for her when she cat-sits.) I can so clearly picture you watching a Wendigoon iceberg video and Milo walking in like “Jesus Christ, Sweetheart, this is how long?!” Also, Milo doesn’t really get Sanrio, but he gets you a little Hello Kitty something whenever he can, maybe one of those blind boxes he hears Angel talking about all the time~

Song:

If I lay here/ If I just lay here/ Would you lie with me and just forget the world?/ Forget what we're told/ Before we get too old/ Show me a garden that's bursting into life/ Let's waste time/ Chasing cars/ Around our heads

One, this is a perfect, classic, romantic song. If Milo doesn’t know all the words on his own volition, he knows all the words because his parents love it. Two, you could be an adorable shitstarter and use this as an opportunity to make a wolf, shifter, dog, chasing cars joke.

Runner-ups:

Huxley is a runner-up because his affectionate, soothing manner would be a really good match for a Type Two partner, especially one who might deal with anxious, compulsive behaviors. James, I like because I think he needs an Extrovert partner to get him out of his shell. Also, I think he’d really like your cats once he gets to know them.

note: thank you for waiting and submitting an entry 💜

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[mar64ds]

I’d like to replay the game to have more cohesive thoughts but looking at some of the dialogue i’d like to give a small analysis on how undertale handles lovelessness in both a very clumsy way and very accidentally nice way. I made a whole video essay about Flowey’s lovelessness already, but I’d like to give some new thoughts now that I know I’m on the loveless spectrum myself

The negatives

While Flowey is a very important character to me and I will discuss the positives aspects of his character, there is no denying the game falls into some bad tropes and lines of dialogues.

In the pacifist run, Flowey only really talks about his lovelessness if you keep visiting him after the neutral ending or when he becomes Asriel.

In the neutral ending he seems to imply that love = care, stating he can’t really feel anything for anyone, which to him it means he doesn’t care. This is obviously false in general, but even the game itself proves him wrong over that fact, making it very clear that Flowey does care multiple times. (NOT talking about low empathy, which Flowey might have as well, I mean like… him not caring about killing people). However, this is not super well executed if there are A LOT of people that still see Flowey not feeling love as him not caring about anyone, and there are even people that think Flowey DOES feel love. While the story contradicts Flowey’s statement about love = care, it’s done in a way that the characters never really tell him that it’s okay to be the way he is. It’s never fully acknowledged that it’s okay for Flowey to be loveless, it’s mostly implied. Flowey is constantly seen as a tragic character or a cruel character, by the game and by the fans.

The game doesn’t really challenge the way that love is glorified. Love is seen as an inherently good thing in the story (LOVE is not the same thing, that’s obvious), the thing that ultimately makes you care about others, one of the main things that saves Asriel, it’s even stated to be the one of the things mosnters claim their souls are made out of. Quite literally a ‘love is what makes us human’ but with monsters. They even add a bit of a cruel line stating that humans don’t need love in their souls to remain alive, and this is not said in a positive way, it’s implying that humans can be cruel and still be alive.

In the pacifist ending, Asriel states he doesn’t feel love, which (in pacifist) he hasn’t really done before. Flowey is established early on to be a villain that doesn’t care about people and is willing to kill people over and over, but it’s only here where he states he didn’t really feel love when he was Flowey. Maybe you can predict so, but it’s never stated until this moment. Asriel speaks of Flowey as this sort of horrible monster and while this can be interpreted as self-deprecation and Asriel’s lack of understanding of lovelessness… again, the game doesn’t really make an effort to prove him wrong. It’s all reading between lines, it’s all things you can interpret and imply, but the game itself doesn’t go out of its way to tell Asriel he’s wrong for thinking this way. This scene is meant to make you really sad that Asriel is not going to feel love again, because that is something ‘very very sad and very very tragic’. And I feel like a lot of people don’t understand that while you can show the struggle of an identity, you can’t JUST show the struggle. Specially if you aren’t loveless yourself. If you do that, you’re just being insensitive, framing lovelessness as a horrible tragedy.

In a violent run, Flowey speaks more about his lovelessness. How he suddenly couldn’t feel anything for anyone, not even for his parents. This segment is worded a bit strangely too, again implying love = care. The obvious thing is: Flowey does not feel love anymore. He’s scared, he tries to feel the way he did before and is unable to, he doesn’t seem to really talk about it to his parents, he runs away and isolates himself. The events that lead him to find out about his reset powers happen as well. Needless to say, Flowey is very miserable. This in it of itself is not a problem, again it’s okay to show a loveless character that struggles with their lovelessness, you can make a good story and a good commentary with it. But AGAIN, the game doesn’t really challenge this, it doesn’t really do anything with it. This is just seen as Flowey’s tragic backstory that leads him to start his evil path. It’s NOT the reason why he’s evil, Flowey’s evil actions are more a reflection’s to the player’s. Unfortunately, the game also does not make this super clear because a lot of people still attribute Flowey’s evil actions to his lovelessness. Maybe it’s lack of media literacy, or maybe the game also did not try very hard to make you understand lovelessness was not the problem.

Finding out more about his lovelessness just makes the pacifist ending more cruel to me. Asriel really invalidates Flowey’s lovelessness, and it’s framed as a way that the game itself is ALSO invalidating Flowey.

The neutral?

From what I remember and from some dialogue I’ve read, while Undertale has a very obvious theme about love all throughout the game, love isn’t really mentioned as much as you’d think. The characters don’t really say ‘I love you’ to you or to each other, they have their own ways of expressing that they care about you and each other. Aside from that one Sans’ scene, they don’t have big speeches about love either. These are things you really expect in stories very centered around love but Undertale doesn’t actually talk about love as much as you’d think. They talk more about being kind to others, which is what we should be really talking about. Really, Flowey/Asriel seems to be the biggest emphasis in the game when it comes to love, but it’s all related to his lovelessness. This is both a good thing and not a great thing, neutral it is.

The positives

Undertale does something not many stories do and that is for the loveless character to actually remain loveless at the end of the game and for the extra content of the game to state over and over that Flowey cares about others and seems to have a pretty happy life. It IS a problem that this does NOT show up in the actual game, but it is good that canonically this is the character’s fate. Flowey still talks to Frisk and Papyrus and took care of Toriel when she needed it. He seems to be doing okay and he is not framed as an evil person just because he’s back to being loveless. He is okay! He is happy! Even if the game frames his ending as a tragedy, it seems they are rectifying that and stating that actually, it isn’t a tragedy and he will be okay.

Aside from that, while the game has issues in how it handles lovelessness, I can’t deny that a lot of it works really well for interesting and positive loveless metaphors and interpretations. Like I said, the problem is that the game doesn’t really explore them, but the themes ARE there. The glorification of love, the fact that because of that Flowey feels like there is something wrong with him and decides to isolate himself, the fact that he even thinks life is not worth it without love… the commentary is all there. Asriel not liking Flowey is a bit of a metaphor for how Flowey doesn’t accept himself, and that he needs to learn he doesn’t have to be Asriel to be happy again, he doesn’t need to feel love to be happy again.

It’s also super nice that Asriel says that Frisk should ‘go back with the people who love them’ and yet Frisk keeps visiting Flowey, implying that Flowey doesn’t need to love Frisk for Frisk to want to spend time together.

I don’t think Undertale is the worst story ever when it comes to how it handles lovelessness, while there are some harmful stuff I genuinely think it has one of the best probably completely accidental portrayals of a loveless character. Flowey was a very important character for me to realize that I was loveless myself, he is the ONLY loveless character that: 1) remains loveless at the end and 2) isn’t inherently evil- that I have actually seen on media. Most ‘loveless’ characters tend to either feel love again, or seen as evil or a tragic fate. Flowey, while flawed, is a huge difference from most loveless characters. He is very complex, he is very deep, he is very important to me.

Flowey is a really great character that might fall into some bad tropes, but he’s still a cool loveless character that helped me in my journey to understand my own lovelessness. Flowey doesn’t need to be saved, he doesn’t need to be Asriel and he doesn’t need to feel love. Flowey just needs to be accepted as Flowey, a little flower that doesn’t feel love, and that’s okay.

[fuglyjeans]

i feel like i need to write a video essay but my thoughts are still percolating

joker 2 thoughts so far (spoilers in red):

my initial reaction was positive, I was not bored like some are saying they were

the musical bits could have been done differently but for the most part, I enjoyed them. it made sense for this story. some of the best parts of the film were musical numbers

initially i really liked the plot, I thought it was a cool fuck you to everyone who misunderstood the first film. but on thinking a bit more about it, i think it would have been cooler to ignore the haters and focus on making a better movie. the meta-commentary is a zinger but it really sucks after a few seconds because then you remember wait, i was interested in this character and this worldbuilding tho? can we get back to that?

all the characters in both joker movies are incredibly flat, 1d portrayals. like literally everyone is mean or manipulative towards arthur. that worked for the first film since arthur was an unreliable narrator, it was fun to try to understand what was his nihilism and what was his actual lived reality.

i liked that the lines between serious and not serious were totally blurred and it was anyone's guess if something was corny bs, or actually believable. to me that reflects real life. because there genuinely are people who get shit on and kicked at every possible turn in their lives. i've met people like this. some of them seem "crazy" and i still don't know if they are or aren't lying about the things they claim but in the end it doesn't really matter because they need mental healthcare either way. ask me more about the specific stories if you're interested... I just think it's neat how Arthur reminds me of real life people.

however in Joker 2, this kind of doesn't work anymore. because the film is a lot more sympathetic towards arthur, it makes this demarcation between Arthur and Joker that I don't think existed in the first film. the very first scene in Joker 2 is a cartoon depicting Arthur in a literal battle with an evil doppelganger, who gets him into trouble... pronouncing Arthur as "the sane one" means all the reasons Joker went ham before must have been delusions. so, with every character being a complete tool towards Arthur still in this film, it doesn't make sense anymore. it doesn't feel like potentially part of his delusion, it just feels like lazy writing.

(spoiler) while I understand why they played Lee like they did, i think it's a massive missed opportunity to make her just another one of Arthur's abusers.

I have always read Arthur as a queer character. He is a guy who struggles to feel manly enough despite not really seeming all that interested in masculinity deep down. He is a guy who finds strength performance---the Joker persona is very camp, very drag queen to me. I've always seen Arthur as potentially trans, bisexual, and/or gay...

(spoiler)...So when I heard Gaga was going to play Harley I couldn't help but get fucking excited. because Harley is a bisexual character. Gaga is a bisexual woman who has always paid homage to queer culture and drag. Maybe I'm just projecting but I think this could have been SO SO SO more interesting and fun if they'd done a traditional Harley, who genuinely loves Arthur and isn't just using him and lying to him... I think it could have brought out more facets of Arthur's character and taken the story somewhere we haven't been before. idk maybe i'm delulu but that's what I wanted

i keep thinking about Alien: Resurrection, because I loved what that entry in the Alien franchise added. that was a movie that said fuck this tired old Ripley journey, it's over, it's been done, we are going to throw body horror and species mixing and ridiculous action scenes and also Ripley is gonna fuck a queen alien just cause and also she's going to have lesbian subtext with Winona Ryder. because we already made 3 serious Alien movies and there's no point retreading, let's do something new and silly with this material. THAT'S the tone I wanted out of Joker 2. but, most people hate Resurrection, so maybe that's just me and my preference.

(spoiler) overall while I don't think Harley needed more screen time per se,(this is a Joker movie, not a Gaga mv, it's about Arthur first and foremost) I do think she was so flat and boring and needed more of a backstory to her.

(spoiler) the ending made sense to me. it didn't upset me. it was a good anti-franchise bs from Todd Phillips... like he kneecapped the Joker Movie Universe before it could go on for decades like the MCU. good on that. Arthur's death also makes perfect sense for him and his character. it's sad but it's what would realistically happen. bro was never a criminal mastermind

ok bye i have to get ready for work!