#i love him. he’s evil and stinky. he’s my baby

[dionisyios]

i am seriously considering fratricide (my cat has the uncontrollable need to run as fast as he can across my tiny ass apartment and is begging me to play fetch with him. it is 2 am.)

[gooseandalpine]

Goose cameo

[gello-strands]

You're incredibly correct about scout btw. There was a poll awhile ago called "which merc is the most trans" and YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO SCORED OVER 30% OF ALL VOTES.

Like cool fine it's just headcanons. But its so annoying to be scrolling through the trans tag on ao3 and almost all the tf2 ones are scout snivelling over whatever made up problem ails him in this particular universe. Gah.

YES THANK YOU. I have zero problem with trans headcanons but when it becomes fully accepted in fanon it makes it insanely hard to find any other interesting takes or opinions on the character other than "he's a trans boy!!"

And most of the time their reasoning for why they headcanon him as trans is "oh he has anxiety and he's the twinkiest of the group!!" And I hate to be that guy™ but why is the most commonly trans character, the youngest and the most conventionally attractive?

Like I mentioned earlier, having Scout largely accepted as trans really closes the door on any other interpretation of his character!! And the way people characterize him as trans is so boring!!

Im sorry if any of you are huge fans of the anxiety-ridden daddy-issues-having twinky little depresso baby boy version of his character, but I absolutely HATE IT!!

I see a lot of people acting like it's a deep and interesting look on his character but in my opinion it really isn't!

Sure, he does get urked when his dad is brought up, and sure he is pretty damn awkward sometimes. But I think his dumbass confidence is fully genuine most of the time!

He has anxiety because of his ego, he doesn't have an ego because of his anxiety.

People really just pull issues out of their ass for an excuse to make him a sad uwu boy. Even in a case where he IS going to lose, he's still the type to be a huge egotistical dick about it!! And I love that about him!!

Now I will say, I don't read much fanfiction myself, but I roleplay quite a bit and I do engage in a lot of general fanworks! And it really bothers me when people so blatantly favor Scout over other characters to the point that everyone else is nothing but a tool for something interesting to happen to their precious pookie bear.

If your going to see Scout as this serious, deep, multi-layered character, then the least you could do is give somewhat of the same treatment to other mercs! Especially spy considering how much of a plot device he can be to Scout!

But in SO MANY CASES. Spy is nothing but a evil mean stinky bad father who is fully 1-dimensional! It fucking sucks! In no way is Spy a good dad, or even a good person. But he really isn't such a heartless asshole as people make him out to be.

ANYWAYS. Yap session over

[spongebob-connoisseur]

What would Slappy do if he had his own Kid?

OR is Kidferatu already his Son-Figure? (not that I ship Slippy/Slappy/Nosferatu as Poly)

Tbh I do see Slappy as like an additional parental figure to Kidferatu. I mean he's basically already acknowledged as a family member anyways:

Plus Nosferatu is a count, and the nobility always leave their kids to be raised by nannies anyways so its likely Slappy had to play a parental figure to Kidferatu. Also the fact that Kidferatu doesn't seem to have a mom so someone's got to fill that role. (Btw who is his mom anyways? I can't help but imagine Nosferatu committed mitosis)

I think Slaps would be good with kids actually. I mean he already takes care of Nosferatu and is super protective. He took Nosferatu to the doctors over a simple case of the sniff sniffs. I imagine he'd be a very overprotective parent who perhaps coddles you a little too much lol. Some Addams family style of parenting peppered in too, ya kno?

I already have a million headcanons about Slappy being an overprotective parent figure who babies Kidferatu too much, much to Kid's dismay. He's embarrassing in the most motherly way possible but very good. Also very supportive and would likely let Kid get what he wants secretly (like some emo boy band cd or whatever) even after Nosferatu has said no. I do wish Slappy would show up in Kamp Koral, pray he makes an appearance in season 2 so my headcanons can come true😭😭😭😭🙏

I think Slappy actually does have the brain cells to be good with kids. I mean he can be a little head empty at times but he has the ability to be caring. He cares for a lot of folks (nosferatu, his pets, etc) there's also the fact that there's a trope amongst Lorre caricatures where they're basically a spooky yet caring family man (Gomez Addams is a famous example but there's also Mr. J Evil Scientist, and a few more)

He isn't the first person you'd go to babysit your kids but you'd be surprised to find it all goes smoothly. I think the kids would find his undead abilities more cool than weird. I mean the kids in Slappy Daze were more entertained by his undead shenanigans than frightened. Slappy can frighten kids but I think he knows when to keep it at a kid friendly level. The most frightening thing you'd get from him is broccoli lmao

I think the only issue is, perhaps don't let him cook. His culinary skills are better suited for the undead rather than the living.

Idk how it would work if Slappy had his own kid though. He's often busy taking care of Nosferatu. He used to be more independent in the Patrick Star Show (which takes place 10 years before the main show) but in the current Spongebob Squarepants, he could hardly go 2 hours without Nosferatu. I imagine working for a vampire slowly consumes your life so I doubt he would have the space or time to raise a kid of his own unfortunately. Slippy is most likely patient of such things but I imagine it complicates any sort of life plans they may have together. I guess it all depends on how much Nosferatu would allow. Slappy hardly has space for himself. He sleeps in a nightstand drawer😭😭 he doesn't have anywhere to raise a kid.

Speaking of which, are Slippy and Slappy married or just dating? There's a 10 year time gap in universe between The Patrick Show and the main show so they've been together for a long time in Spongebob Squarepants. In the episode FitzPatrick, Slappy did call the union of marriage as "smoosh two souls together into one gooey soft pulp" and Slappy and Slippy basically did that in the episode Tango Tangle. Omg did they do it out of wedlock??🤔🤔 jk jk

Anyways getting back on track, what I can imagine is that he probably loves animals and has a menagerie of exotic pets with Slippy. Obviously he has Esmeralda the sea spider and that sentient rain cloud, the vampire bat jellyfishes, and technically Nosferatu in bat form too. I also like to imagine he took home Mr. Stinky the skunk in the episode I Smell a Pat.

Slippy also works at a pet shop, I can imagine she LOVES animals and that's a thing her and Slappy bond over. I can imagine them just being an eccentric old couple with many many exotic pets <3 that's the most they could get.

[funkyfreshman]

Took 400 Millie’s Gramos of gerberts if u will,( this one’s for you Ted 👴) and am rewatching the entirety of httyd shows and all and holy ahit

Will be documenting journey.

Abious spilers:

Took doucuments:

Ep-1

-GOBBER MENTIONED

- Mildred if this show wasn’t stinky fart he would be like STOCKICJ KILL THOSES FUCKING ERAGONS STIDPSUSUDJ STUPID

- I was writing this post during show and kept getting distracted so that’s it lol

-wait no I love stiok he’s a bit stupid but I love he he fix it in the end I’m so happy I love god dads in media

-GOBBER MENTIONED

Ep: 2

-GOBBER MENTION

-WAIT BRO JUST GOT BUNED WITH FIRe and didn’t flinch what

-It’s his gay power✨

- I love my gay sons and lesbian daughter

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-HES BECOME A SALES MAN

-BRO HAS BEEF WITH A 5 YEAR OLD YOUR 150😭😭😭

-his design is peak tho

-mean this in the most Aro of Ace possible hes so sexy

-wait jk

-wait no yeah

-GOD SOM HICUO AWHAIGH AUGH 🤮🤮❤️

-GOBBER EPISODE

-HE JUST CURSED THAT BABY WHAT

-NO MY HEWLTY YAOI IS TOXIC YAOI GOBBBER WRF

-THEY HATE EACH OTHER

-THEY OUTA RHEFE

-WHAT ARE TOU TWO DOUNG

-bro what if she accidentally killed him what are u doing GIRL

-shskajshdhdhd STOICK

-THEY LEFT HIM THERE

-AMONGUS NO AMNONGS NO NO SISBJSXD. KNO ONNO HICCUP U HE SAD HES SHAD AND HA

-hookfang no he bust

-oh cool gratin fight yippee

-snotlout is so upset bonninknn fish I no no gobber fuck off

-he budddy is okay and snotlout is so happy he hsjsjzhdsjs ah

-I FIRGOT HE BECOMES A DENTIST HOLY SHIT

Ep: 3

WHY DID IT ZOOM INTO HIS RITS

-animal trama ep

-TIT SHOT

-again imagine she accidentally killed him

-Bro INTENTIONALITY PULLED HER DOWN THERE WHAT, FRESK

-ew actual romantic relationship

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-WHAT HES A WITCH

-HES A WITCH A WOCTH

-gothi a bad bitch she’s so real, she’s taking no chances

-ew I hate actual romantical relationships ew I hate actual romantical relationships

-exposure therapy

-WAIT THATS SHDJSJKSKS

-WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOSHLEGS

-oh no his dad trust him so much hiccup I failoror

-THAT SHEEP IS DEAD

-BUCJET NO

-SNITLOUT SHOULD HAVE DIED

-wait they all followed him no questioned no complaints that’s so cute what aughgh 🤮

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-THEY ARE GONNA FREEZE TO DEATH

-WHAT IF YOI KILKED KNE

GOBBER MENTIONED

-THEY ARE GONNA DIE

-TF IS MEATLUG GINNA DO WITH THOSES TONY AH WINGS

-your dragons saved us from literally dying in the fucking cold son

-what

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-funky beat

-funky beat the ending

Ep: 4

-that should have killed snotlout

-what was

-what

-diva

-THE ANIMATION GOT GOOD FOR 3 seconds csahwath

-bad evil tiny dragon

- it’ capable of manipulation

-it’s capable of manipulation

-You stupid cunt dragon

-YOU STUPID CUBT BOY

-sick ass dragon

-they are researchers at the age of 5 what unfair

-he’s emo right now bitch leave him alone

-EVEB THI O HICCUP IS BEINH A STUPID CUNT HE STILL TRIES TO PROTECT HIM, BRUH HICCUP YOU CENUTLY STJPID

-nuh huh bi stjeop stole stk stop stop yoCUEHHEJSBSJWJDHDIHR🤮🤮👎👎👎👹👹👹🔥💥

-Big very scary tree stomping dragon fuck outta here

-yeah u dumb fuck face

-🥸toothless invasive maneuvers

-Tirch is a bith ass hoe

-GIBBER MENTIONED

Ep: 5……I hope

-sick ass beat

-no he jumped

-BRI BRO BRI BRI BRO BRO

-snotlout almost died

-what is this episode

-What the FUCK

-WHY THEY FEET OUT

-What rhe fuck

-GONNER MENTIONED

-SHUT YOUR HE FUCK UP DOKTNSAY

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-WHAT WHAY WHAT WHAT WHAT YOU STUPID FAG

-bro knock

-WHAT FISHLEGS

- “like hello he was trying to be freaky”

WHAT

-as much as it sucks that stoick keeps on going against hiccuob he’s also the CHEIF OF BEEK we know he really really want to support him but again HES THE CHEIF OF BERK his work comabnds a fuck done of people so yeah he wants support him but he can’t

-bro just creamed at the idea what

-BRO HTF IS HWLE GONNA “TAKE CARE OF THE DEGINS “ hE CANRS FUCKING FLY

Z-EHAT WHAT HE LOVES A SHEEP?

-HES A FURRY

What

-bye bye fursona

-that’s the episode.

Ep 6:

-is this the season fanislu?

-this might be the season fanauky?

-ew actual romantical relationship

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-what

- who is this diva

- huge beef with this 5 year old over here

-SHUT THE FUCK UP

-bro probably thought a lot of people were gonna die so he sent hiccup away to like idk like Amongus I had a thought but now it’s gone

- fish legs died

-SHUT UP

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-hot

-hehsshdhddhhdddhdh cute

-I THOUGH HICCUPS SAID SHIT SHIT SHIT it sounded so right

-that was cooo as fuck

No uo stupid cunt

-WHAT FREAK DONT

-this is crazy

-gonner mentioned

-wait the plot thickens

-lmao omg bro does not care about him

-gobber mentioned

-bro 🫢 wtf

-no I almost got shit busy fucking arrows

-actually sick as hell

-HOW IS HE NOT DEAD OH MY GOD

-and fuck ya boat too

Evil guy lives

And get

Get this

Is evil

-your a freaky freak that freaks around my town in your freaky freak freaks suit freaking Al over my unfreajed town

Ep:7

-GOBBER MENTIONED

-ope

-bro had si idea how to ride that dragon like at all

-why is it always there at any time of day what are

-he’s a really good CHEIF he just need to learn to like separate the two but also like not cause a lot of the time it makes sense what he’s doing

-I think stoick needs to reslizr not everyone is like him

-he dead

-kk what

Bro wtf open ur ears

-evil pigs that attack at almost night

-RHY SO MANY

-what m. Stoick did nothing

Ep. 8)

-wait that’s cute

-What is that name

-lGIBBER MENTIONED

-WHAT

AGAT

Wha

What

That so fucking funny hijouhvvshut shut

-I can’t think so more I stop

[dapurinthos]

more of the glass abyss:

SO THE REPUBLIC DOESN'T HAVE LAWS AGAINST CANNIBALISM THAT'S NICE.

('the flesh of sapient creatures was considered a great delicacy' on more than one world that mace windu has visited. 'frowned upon' but 'no law to stop out out [on] the rim', says the glass abyss. 'those damn tarkins and their fucking european colonial rule congo free state i mean their "carrion plateau"', squint i.)

t'ra saa is back! and n'kata del gormo, yoda's own master. not as the sole teachers of mace and yoda, respectively, but as teachers, still (i headcanon t'ra as cyslin myr's master, so it's t'ra > cyslin > mace). there's no gender assigned to t'ra here (that's me in the corner, making claws at the air, going 'why does a TREE have MAMMARIES?' @ legends)

metagos is definitely an interesting planet. not only is it crystal, but the radiation from the solar pulse that cooked the surface has caused some of the animals and plants to transform. it has its own special, see-through duraslug.

me, hearing there are worm-spiders: oh. great. (this was not great)

good thing this is a book not visual media.

the sa'ad: spiderworm-tending matriarchal silk-weaver culture. thank you for having a textile-prominent culture, steven barnes, though, uh, the whole 'they lived in peace and harmony with the world before the evil upper dwellers invaded' is giving me 'peaceful matriarchy until the stinky patriarchal indo-europeans obviously invaded' vibes.

'one of mace's hobbies was speculating on the origins of life from one planet to another' mace windu, evolutionary anthropologist ~sorry, sentientologist as sw says~ (should be sophologist, really, since anthro is greek and both sapient and sentient are latin)

once again, steven, i must talk with you about comparisons. saying that the floating palace has a 'series of personal chambers that rivalled those of the jedi temple: living quarters, libraries, kitchens, [...] the master bedroom suite [...]' implies that that the 'personal' chambers of this floating palace and the jedi temple are of a similar state and size.

'the mayor, a weak-chinned human named mignon fat' that is A NAME.

'qui-gon favoured precise and extended strokes, keeping enemies at a distance' why hello there, dooku's teaching.

STAR WARS HAS PANSPERMIA THEORIES. this is great. i love universe-building like this. the force must make doing science SO COMPLICATED. have you really figured out which combination of minerals makes that pea plant grow the best or are you accidentally using the living force to make it look like that's the best one?

there's a bit in here about mace attending military meetings over the years so i'm choosing to believe this is not just about the stark hyperspace war but ALSO about the yinchorri uprising.

we have a BIRTHDATE for mace windu: 7905.355, which puts his birthday as 04.20, if my way of doing the crc (judicial 10-month) is correct (which it is. once scum & villainy accepts that it made a typo that puts half of its years off by 1). i leave this without comment.

there is a lot in here about how much choice the jedi have to make that choice, since it's as a very small child (usually). mace's people on haruun kal have a lovely ceremony in which they put him on a blanket, with a fruit in one corner, a pyramid-shaped jigsaw puzzle that can be reconfigured, and an empty lightsaber hilt (borrowed from visiting jedi who had come because they were looking for community and sustenance because the force led them to baby mace windu) because they cannot decide his fate for him, he must.

it's all tied up in the dreams that mace is having (being sent) about his own infancy and the ability to choose (and choosing without realizing what was being chosen). (i did suspect where his dreams were originating and i was right)

'he knew more than he had said but was having trouble accessing it' hi yes that's it. that's how my brain works when it's having trouble.

during his evaluations, mace lets anakin fight him. HE RESPECTS THIS BOY. also, official confirmation that they knew about the slave chip and got it out. how many years since tpm has fandom been fighting over this? all of them.

PRAKITH LAVA CAKE. and did you get that recipe from darth andeddu himself?

of course everything tumbles along and there are two factions controlling the city, one by two people joined together, chulok: aka chu and lok, a farakai and a rodian, respectively. the farakai are a new species and apparently able to connect through a muscle, bone, and nervous system bridge between shoulders that connects them to another person (like a dyad but for non-force-sensitives?) and sybil, who is bigger than a hut and has many, many children who do her bidding. the conflict is inevitable and there's a seeding about 'under-dwellers', which of course are kept away from the population by ancient gates, have grasping tentacles, and generally have a dread cthulhu-esque vibe.

of course, they must be unleashed. and it's not just UNLEASH THE KRAKEN.

oh no

it's UNLEASH THE HORDE OF FUNGUS ZOMBIES THAT CANNOT BE KILLED IN ANY WAY THAT MATTERS BECAUSE THEY, TOO, ARE CONTROLLED BY THE PLANET

because the planet is alive and all linked in a web.

and the worm-spiders are the original inhabitants and are hooked into it, as well. and can instruct the zombie mushroom army.

so there's a zombie mushroom army. mace is just '... hm. are they all related somehow?' and i can HEAR him trying to draw evolutionary trees in his head.

'may the web be with you.'

alderaanian roses don't have thorns but have extrusions shaped like thumbs? sorry alderaan but that's the worst rose.

[lemonlightt]

all three jashlings for the ask game!!

THANK YOU.J LOVE YOU.MAKES OUT WITJ U/P/JOKE

I HAVE WAY MORE THINGS TO SAY BUT I WONT

Mind

sexuality headcanon: aroace

gender headcanon: agender , any/neos user

a ship i have with said character: no

a BROTP i have with said character: obvs heart and soul. these bitches used 2 be best friends. i think mind tries xir best and despite all of the horrible things hes done sea still does her little things to show zir affection for them !!! even if the fucker sucks at it

a NOTP i have with said character: umm anything to do with whole ig? im not sure but i think i saw smth with whole a long time ago and that was like...no.......that doesnt feel right. but i dont have a strong enough stance to be point it out. methinks bc of my own hcs it would just be a bit odd (AMONG OTHER ISSUES) ((gonna copy n paste this across the board!)) *

a random headcanon: how can you expect me to not make him autistic. he is autistic. autism. xe is so autism. are you seein this shit. dear LOED. this fucker has horrendous touch autism. horrendous attention. horrendous tolerance to bad sensory (twins. just like me fr)! no but other than this mind makes zir own prosthetics. i think there will be rare moments of peace where soul will find heart and mind together painting minds prosthetics and talking. until soul says something and theyre like "WHAT NO !!! cannot BELIEF youd accuse me of this" and then they're back to screaming into eachothers faces. soul kept the first prosthetic from the first loop that they painted for sentimental purposes. BTW !!! he's mute!! speak no evil

general opinion over said character: if u know me you know that mind is my silly stinky old man with bad facial hair and npd. byte is my silly. i think he deserves to be a lil evil. i would/HJ. i support his wrongs.

Heart

sexuality headcanon: abroromantic

gender headcanon: bigender , she/he/they user

a ship i have with said character: no

a BROTP i have with said character: mind and soul. u cannot tell me these bitches didnt used to get along so well. i think they are so dysfunctional in a zim and gir way. what is wrong with them /aff no i think that despite all of the horrendous things they did/do to eachother i think they all have their little ways of showing their affection. they suck at it but they're trying. and at least they're trying. they're improving! methinks. and i think heart would be one of the first to start to show it. (WELL NOT FOR LONG WHEN THE LOOP STARTS UP AGAIN)

a NOTP i have with said character: * umm anything to do with whole ig? im not sure but i think i saw smth with whole a long time ago and that was like...no.......that doesnt feel right. but i dont have a strong enough stance to be point it out. methinks bc of my own hcs it would just be a bit odd (AMONG OTHER ISSUES)

a random headcanon: heart's a very sentimental guy. he has stuff scattered around his room from when they were all kids. teddy bears, badges, whatever you can think of he has in there. he kept wholes comforter when she was like..teeny tiny. if soul didn't get there first, he would've kept that prosthetic i mentioned before. BTW !!!! (obviously) he's blind !!! see no evil!

general opinion over said character: my beloved. i think he is a little messed up. but he is messed up. and i won't fix that. there is something severely wrong with her. my least favourite /aff . she's beautiful the way he is. i support any CCCC wrongs. no but i'm tired of people babying him. ADMIT HE'S FUCKED UP AND THAT YOU LIKE HER. IF I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU !!!!!!! THEY'RE ALL FUCKED UP just because he's blind doesn't mean he's not the worst person on earth/AFF

Soul

sexuality headcanon: pansexual

gender headcanon: transmasc , he/they/it/(neos?) user

a ship i have with said character: no

a BROTP i have with said character: like the rest of my answers . heart and mind. i think that despite all of the REAL bad things he says about them and to them they will always care for them. he'll stay up worrying about them and making them small things and he'll tell them it loves them but they'll never do it without a teasing insult accompanying it. big fuckin loser

a NOTP i have with said character: * umm anything to do with whole ig? im not sure but i think i saw smth with whole a long time ago and that was like...no.......that doesnt feel right. but i dont have a strong enough stance to be point it out. methinks bc of my own hcs it would just be a bit odd (AMONG OTHER ISSUES)

a random headcanon: had a sweatervest phase. being so for real. i know they did. this little loser has a collection of them . he loves his sweatervests to death. it thinks its SOOOO fashionable and makes them look cool (makes them look and feel 60yrs old. inherits back problems and is suddenly squinting at everything he reads). BTW !!! he's deaf!! hear no evil!!

general opinion over said character: i like this guy. very relatable. i think i just like characters that are miserable and act like annoying ratty teenagers to cope with their agonies because who are they if they admit they need help ? i think he's fucklin FUCKED UP. fucked up so much. but i like that abt him! i like this about all of them! ALL of them are fucked up and unforgiveable but it makes em loveable methinks!

[mychlapci]

for the character ask game i've got three for you!

standford pines

five pebbles

prowl (idw specifically)

i've been trying to get to this all morning but i had to go to the grocery storeeeee. anyways...

Ford... the character of all time...

How I feel about this character

Normal. Obviously. Very normal. But seriously, he was one of my favourite gravity falls characters, i feel like he's very much misunderstood by the fandom, either deeply villanized or has his reletable flaws whittled down to be more palatable. there is so much wrong with him to explore. alas, i am not smart enough to dig as deep

All the people I ship romantically with this character

no one. no one at all. In all seriousness, i was never that much of a fiddauthor fan, but i've read some good fanfics of them, so that counts i suppose

My non-romantic OTP for this character

the Stan twins duo, of course. Although I really enjoy to imagine the dynamic Ford and Mabel could've had

My unpopular opinion about this character

I think he was actually quite reletable and not to have a kin moment or anything, but I saw a lot of myself in his flaws, so I can't really imagine why someone wouldn't sympathize with him.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

canon old man birth Ford and Mabel bonding episode!!!!! PLEASE

Pebbles, my good friend Pebbles... i have not played much nor have I really done a deep dive into the lore yet, so forgive me if I don't have much to say

How I feel about this character

stinky rude little guy. i enjoy it very much. as i said, i'm not up to date on the lore, but i know he's kind of having a fucked up time and i love me a man in peril.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

not well-versed enough in the lore to ship him with anyone. i can't even imagine who. people have probably found a way. god i hope he's ship-elligible, because if there is a reason why he wouldn't be... then i have to go delete some drawings

My non-romantic OTP for this character

pebbi x the spear i throw at his head

My unpopular opinion about ths character

Not many. Though I've noticed in let's plays that many people straight up hate him with with a lot of vigour, I think they should give him a break

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

I don't know. Perhaps more interaction? although i wouldn't want to actually travel through unfortunate development more times than once, tbh... I think the game utilizes him well. AND you can throw shit at him, so that's all i need to amuse myself

Proooowl!!! baby girl. i am gonna sound so stupid here. I am not good with. remembering what happened in the comics.

How I feel about this character

He's an asshole. And I love him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I mean... everyone knows what i'm all about, as long as that robot's holes are full, i'm game. I don't quite get jazzprowl in its entirety, but I find it fun and compelling enough so I suppose I'll go with that. And I've been a fan of prowlop lately, I think he an Optimus could have a really fucked up dynamic together. Constructiprowl is a favourite of mine. And I have a little guilty pleasure spot here just for Prowl/Fort Max

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Not quite sure, I think he would be extremely fun to pair with anyone just because he's such a dick and no one likes him. I honestly think that a chapter dedicated to him and Rodimus getting into shenanigans would be hilarious

My unpopular opinion about this character

Not sure if this is necessarily me going against the popular opinions, perhaps just me against the expectations i had when i heard everyone else talk about him, but... I don't think he's actually as evil and twisted as people make him out to be? he's an asshole, yes, but I don't think he's actually a heartless bastard incapable of not feeling guilty for his actions, as i've seen him portrayed sometimes. if anything, guilt eats away at him so much that he's doing everything he can to stay in control of it. if he keeps stubbornly assuring himself that he did what had to be done, he'll manage to stay sane. i don't know. re-reading that, it sounds stupid as hell but i don't have anything else to say so i can't delete that....

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

all that said, i think some people should have punched him a little bit harder

[theboysfromaustin]

I am a very dignified writer.

----

June 3, 2004

Ian bit his lip, tapping his pen on the list, wondering how much produce he could buy that he and Kazuo could actually eat before it went bad.  Kazuo brushed against him, catlike.  This was their first trip to Central Market together, and he was trying to get actual food for Kazuo, who self-admittedly, had grown up eating cold canned goods and gas station roller grill items.

Ian was happy to have Kazuo.  He felt younger, more invigorated.  They were in love, that was the simplest way to put it.  Kazuo leaned on the cart, “It's weird to eat fresh veggies ‘n fruit.” “You'll feel better if you eat fresh food.  It's nice to cook for more than just myself and Maureen.” “You're an excellent chef.  You spoil me.”

Ian smiled, absorbing the praise.  Praise from Kazuo was high praise.  He loved his scrappy, young partner.  He began to pick through the massive selection of apples, Kazuo's hand lingering on his hip.  He got engrossed in the selection, not noticing Kazuo slip away.  What he did notice quite quickly was…

The smell.

He sniffed, lip curling, looking around.  He did notice now that Kazuo had disappeared.

Conveniently.

Little bastard.

He did notice the people around him were now staring. In horror. In disgust. He felt a creeping blush overtaking his face and neck, and he went into defensive mode, “I…I, um…that wasn't…”  He stammered, sweat beading on his brow.

A baby began to cry, unable to comprehend the horror of the creeping stench.

“My…my boyfriend is…lactose…int…” His face was crimson now.  People were shaking their heads as they fled the area.  A man entered from the other side, stopped, and turned around.  “I..I didn't…Kazuooooooo…..” He groaned.  Great.  Now he was the token smelly guy.  He trudged forward, head low, trying to find his evil, stinky bastard boyfriend.

In the bakery, Kazuo leaned on a bread display, giggling like a total idiot.  Ian was very polite about his lactose intolerance.  Hell, they were getting into an at-home rapport of completely immature jokes, which delighted him.  He knew Ian would come to find him.  He felt bad, but he knew Ian would find the humor in it.  Ian put on a dignified and serious front for work, but they'd only been together intimately for a couple days, and last night Ian had fallen asleep with his head on Kazuo's chest, and at some point, violently farted them both awake.

They'd both nearly pissed themselves laughing.  That's how he knew Ian was the one - a gentle, sexy, wildly intelligent lawyer who looked like the lovechild of Sam Waterston and Dermot Morgan, but who also had the sense of humor of a fourth grader?  Perfection.

Ian grabbed Kazuo under one arm, and unceremoniously dropped him into the cart, “Come on, stinky.” “Hi.” “You're mean.” “I had a bad childhood.” “Your stank made a baby cry.  A BABY.” “How many points is that?” Ian made a strangled, choking sound as he tried not to laugh, “Ah, Christ.  I think we need to leave before they have to fumigate.” “I crave milk.” “Fuck no.” “Cheese?” “I'm going to stick you in a freezer.”

Kazuo leaned forward, wrapping his arms around Ian's chest, “It was funny.” “It wasn't.” Kazuo looked up.  Ian was staring dead ahead.  If he looked at Kazuo, he would laugh, and Kazuo would win and continue his reign of terror.  Kazuo reached up, placing his hands on Ian's cheeks.  “You smell.” “You don't mind.” “God knows why.  I'm buying soy milk.” “You wouldn't.”

“Called my bluff.  Can't stand that shite.” “Haha.” “Hush,” Ian snickered, relenting and kissing his head, “You're cute.” “I know.” “Humble! Enough bravado for seventeen people.” “Can we go back to the fruit section?” “That's probably a bad idea.” “I love you, sweet boy.” “I love you too.  You're my stinky weirdo,” Ian ruffled Kazuo's hair.

Their relationship was new, but it was also weird and extremely loving - different from all the others he'd been in.  As weird as Kaxuo was…

Ian was willing to do anything for him.

[wyyrmwood]

Settle down for a green text formatted tale my friends, I have a taste of a new classic fantasy book I think you all may enjoy. Its a little long, so I added a show more break for convenience.

I present to you the plot of The Troll's Grindstone. Cannot recommend it enough and there's so much good shit I left out for the sake of not just rewriting the entire book. Its got everything, cool horses, a Kronk parallel character down to the evil right hand status and everything, your dads weird friend that you have beef with, some hot lake monster girls that totally won't eat you ahahahahah come closer baby, elves getting their pompous asses WHOOPED, ghosts, and a main character who is just a guy. No inherent powers, just a decent swordsman who really really didn't want to be here but literally can't leave (because he got teleported to the elf realm)

Imagine:

>You are an evil wizard night elf who wants more power

>tired of smelly light elves crashing your sick parties

>corrput a light elf prince who was well known for greed, arrogance, and kind of just being an all around d-bag

>"hey kid want some magic get in my van"

>commence world domination to get rid of the stinky day fairing elves

>cash in on the troll alliance aw yeah

>going better than expected, elf prince is such a little asshole that he fully doesn't care he's leading his race to extinction, just keeps betraying entire cities for you

>feeling pretty good, but poison him with fantasy heroin that only you can get for him anyway for good measure

>"yeah yeah ill give you coke or whatever just keep betraying your people and leading my little crusades"

>he does

>sick

>world domination complete, pretty easy just massacred some magic pussies and desecrated some sacred locations so I own the magic there and also kind of dunked on the sacred sites and magics ancient far more powerful race of magic elves too because I hate them and the light elves worship them as almost gods.

>kill elf princes little prince brother too for shits and giggles, takes his sword and uses it to curse all other swords in the realm to decay and never sharpen

>back to the stone age with you, fucking nerds

>"ok freaky little guy go away"

>kick out elf prince because ew light elf, he crawls back to his father and is banished for betraying his people, facing punishment for his crimes etc. etc. etc

>like 100 years pass life is ez elf prince is probably dead from super heroin withdrawal by now so no worries about him coming back

>what

>he assasinated* you (you're an evil wizard, you just turn into a giant bear for a while) and also he's back

> yeah he's actually back, he looks great and also is mad asf saying he will kill you

>also hangs out with his dads useless wizard and some coked out old homeless guy

>kind of weird but you basically made this guy and know he's a bit of a coward so its no problem to just manipulate him again, bros probably also absolutely FEINDING for more heroin because fantasy heroin withdraws last forever and also kill you so there's that

>oh yeah and everyone hates his guts for destroying their civilization and holy sites

>haha loser

>prince begins on a quest to undo your destruction of the magical sacred sites and also kick dark elf ass just because

>he's kind of actually doing it

>"ok what the fuck guy if I give you heroin will you stop look here's some heroin"

>its not working he doesn't want the heroin

>proceeds to kick your ass all over the map and purify sacred sites and everyone starts loving him again

>aw hell

>keep trying to manipulate mansplain malewife him but it isn't working like it used to and also he's not dying from the death heroin but you KNOW he loved drugs so whats up with that

>also his pet wizard is kind of getting good from all this ancient site purification

>wizard kicks your ass and destroys your cool monsters

>AW HELL

>finally get his ass and sell him as a thrall after kicking his ass for once

>"see u later smelly"

>says I'm a cunt, correct but ow

>"remember ur dead brothers wife that you are kind of into but respectfully just friends ? i have her captured and shes also a thrall now haha look"

>oh he actually got really mad about that, probably shouldn't have said anything

>guy I'm selling him to is really not into having an extremely agressive servant who would absolutely kill him so I cut his knee, bye bye leg

>holy fuck this owner guy is throwing a bitch fit about now having a lame thrall fine ill buy him back and just have him work in the mines to desecrate another sacred site

>pain in my ass but he's balls deep in a mountain that used to be a giant now mining out its heart

>huh

>what's that

>HE BLEW UP* (catastrophically flooded and collapsed) THE MOUNTAIN WITH HIS BITCH WIZARD AND OLD HOMLESS MAN?

>awwwwww hell

>find his ass outside the mountain with dying coked out old homeless man and wizard again, this is so embarrassing

>????? Wait What why is everyone laughing and not shivering their timbers

>ITS NOT EVEN THE ELF PRINCE

>A HUMAN MAN HAS BEEN WHOOPING YOUR ASS THE ENTIRE TIME PRETENDING TO BE THE ELF PRINCE

>THE COKED OUT DYING OLD HOMELESS MAN WAS THE PRINCE ALL ALONG

>the guy you've been fighting is just some guy that looked like the prince a bit who the actual prince abducted from his human realm and forced into pretending to be him

>you, a powerful wizard and nigh immortal elf, lost your entire kingdom, power, status, and prestige to Mr. Normal Human Man who didn't even want to kick your ass to begin with and got roped into all this magic shit because he went poking around the wrong barrow over in Human Land

>he kills you

Thank you all this has been the plot of The Trolls Grindstone.

[sorascribbless]

Yes i am a Jax fan but a Jax fan in the sense that I'm aware he's a complete jackass and my expectations for him lay on the floor, and on occasion, digs itself down into the 7th ring of Hell. But man do i love that stupid rabbit man. I hope he gets worse, actually. I hope he fails and that he learns this lovely thing called the consequences to his actions. I can't wait to see him out in the wild.

He is not my UwU evil baby. He is a stinky bastard man. He's MY stinky rabbit man tho.

[celiastjamesoscar]

Frank is everything I want to be. A cute bitch who is unapologetically herself. You know what, Frank doesn't even need to be fixed. She's perfect the way she is! I love that your dog is the total opposite of Frank. A sweet and energetic little cuddle bug. He's just happy to be there and enjoy his life!! I love him. And obviously it was your other cats fault. Frank never starts fights, she always just defends herself. She is a precious angel who can do no wrong, everyone else is always bullying her 😤 How cute is your dog though for breaking up that fight!!! He's the best boy ever.

Yasss I love Saw!! You are forgiven if you will watch it soon after. Emma Roberts was born to play Chanel Oberlin! I'm sure that you will LOVE that show!!

Frank just loves and cuddles aggressively. She has so much love for you that it's hard for her to control her love-outbursts.

I'M DEAD, LOOK AT HER SITTING AND THE FRIDGE AND WAITING FOR HER NEXT VICTIM!! I admire her dedication and effort! Though just imagine walking into the kitchen at night and you only see her eyes staring at you from on top of the fridge...

This is Nike judging me for eating chicken soup and not giving her anything

I wouldn’t want to be like Frank, but each to their own! She has been sitting in the crockpot the last couple of days, for whatever reason 😭 Butters, my dog, is the complete opposite of Frank and I love it so much. He gets angry when he doesn’t have his daily cuddles. The only bad thing about him, is that he will attack the sleeves on hoodies, he absolutely hates them for no reason 😭 9 out of 10 times Frank will start the fights, but I think it was actually Stinky, my other cat, who started it. Frank is just trying to live her vengeful life while everyone else bullies her for it! Butters is a sweet angel and he loves breaking up fights between Frank and Stinky

I also love Saw!! The only movie I have left to watch is X. This weekend I might start Scream Queens, and I will let you know what I think about it!!

Her ‘love-outbursts’ are pure evil 😭 no one is safe from her aggressive love

Her dedication to torment the innocent is unmatched, she will wait for hours for someone to walk by. Her eyes are so freaky, especially whenever they have that glare to them 😬

Nike has every right to judge you! That poor baby just wanted some chicken soup and you denied her!

I’m so sorry it took me a couple days to get to this, I’ve been sick those days and I’m just now coming down from a fever

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxv.d: Destroyer, “*Scream* WOAH!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?! YOU HAVE A FUCKING RACOON IN YOUR BAG” ... Ein scared, let out a little squeak, and dug deep into the bag to hide. Uhhh … Yea! And you just scared him! Nice going prick. Come here! tuka tuka tuka, come on! the evil little demon won't hurt you. “You KNEW it was in there!!!” Of Course! And … IT'S … name, ls … Ein. “Uhhhh Okay!?! Why the fuck do you have a baby Racoon? And WHY did you bring him here???” He was all alone and was clearly interested in me, he was walking all over my face when I woke up today, he seemed lost and scared … soooo … I've adopted him! “*Sigh* Why must you insist on making friends with strays? Do YOU EVEN KNOW IF HE'S SAFE TO HAVE???” Look at him! He wouldn't/couldn't hurt a fly … or well, maybe a fly, but not a Frog! … I start to pet Ein on his head as he pokes his head back out; isn't that right Ein! Yes! yes no you won't hurt anyone Noooo tch tch tch good boy. “I MEANT … Diseases! … fucking idiot, aren't raccoons carriers of rabies??” They can yeah … but only transmit it through biting, scratching, and getting secretions into your body, but he'd have to be rabid to do that … Which he is not! Thank You! And I'll have you know most diseases that raccoons carry are really only transmitted through their poop, so as long as you're careful, it's fine! “You are so gonna get some kind of worm or bacterial infection … and it'll be ME, taking care of you, fuck ass” Well looks like we have a plan then if that Happens!!! Now stop it … he's a hungry little cowboy bounty hunter and needs food because he is a strong boy. *Squeak* “You haven't found the shade with brains yet have you? Ok fine … what does … Ein … eat?” Well … tbh, I don't know what you're supposed to feed raccoons… but he loves granola bars. “You've fed him granola bars?” Yea! “Red, look at him! He's tiny, he can't even be a couple months old, he can't eat granola bars! Nor should he probably, he needs like … milk and stuff … he's just a baby and his stomach probably isn't developed enough to process that kind of stuff” She went and picked Ein up, started to pet him, and cradle him. “You can't just kidnap a baby raccoon and then proceed to mishandle/take care of him” I thought it was fine … look he's all chipper and ok. He closed his eyes and curled up in her hand, and started to pur. “You don't know if he's fine, we need to research this and take him to a vet, to make sure he's fine” Mmm … I mean yeah, probably right with that. “I'm gonna go research on what we should feed him and look up veterinarians in our area just in case, why I'm doing that … ”she grabbed a towel from the chair out of the recently washed laundry and threw it at me. I catch it. “Go take a shower and leave your clothes out, I'll throw them in the wash, I still have some old shorts of yours you can wear … I'll leave them on the sink” Yea yeah… got it … and … thanks. “No problem, and always … we'll talk more later, wanna know how you're holding up. But first ... ” *She pointed at the bathroom* “Shower stinky” *I grin and walk off to the shower (with full sass).* As I wash myself up, down, front to back, left and yes … right … I started to null over the lingering sound that had started to intensify since I arrived at The Over Garden, just general voices that were chatting away in the background, things being said such as ... [To Be Continued]

[enzie-ki]

OOC|| UNCANNY COUNTER S2E7 THOUGHTS

(the last one was s2e6 sorry)

BUT LET'S GET INTO IT

HANA NOOO YOUR STOMACH

THIS IS SO BAD BECAUSE SEEING AN EVIL SPIRIT IN THE FACE OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE IS LIKE WAAA

WHY IS OILY MR MA SO STRONG

MUN YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS

SUMMON THE TERRITORY BRO

OILY MA IS STRANGER THINGS-ING U RN

GELLY YOU PRRRRRRRRRRRRICK

HOW DARE YOU MESS WITH THE SCENARIO

HOW IS OILY MA NOT KNOCKED OUT YET

WAIT R U DEAD

U BETTER NOT BE DEAD

BRO REMOVE THE SPIRIT ALREADY

IT LOOKS LIKE MR MA BUT HE'S FILLED WITH OIL

OK HE'S REMOVING IT GOOD

WHY IS OILY MA CRYING

IT'S FAKE MUN DONT BELIVE IT

oh damnit Mr Hwang is here

get your sexy bastard self OUT

HANA IS BLEEDING OUT BRO

GELLY IF YOU TOUCH MY BABY I WILL KILL YOU

MUN WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU WHY DID U BECOME WEAK

HER AND GELLY IS GIVING GWI NAM AND CHEONG SAN FROM AOUAD

MO TAK IS GONNA BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF U

MHM SO MUN MORE LIKE GO MUN

GET GELLY AWAY

wait did Mr Hwang betray Gelly?

OIL DEMON PLEASE LEAVE HIM ALONE

OH NO MS CHU AND HANA

MY BABY GIRLS

wigen what R u on about

OHHHHH SHI-

WHY R THESE GUYS SO POWERFUL SINCE WHEN COULD THEY DO THAT

JI CHEONG-SIN COULDN'T DO THAT WHY CAN OIL DEMON??

MY POOR HA-NA

MO-TAK BE NICE

mun I wanna hug you so bad you've gone thru so much

bro MR HWANGGGG

IS EVERYONE GOOD AT MANIPULATION OR IS IT A HOT PERSON THING????

Leave Mr ma alone!!! >>>:(((

WHY IS HIS FACE SO TRUSTWORTHY BUT UNTRUSTWORTHY

this weird looking president guy dresses exactly like takeru danma(Hatter) from alice in borderland

MHM YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED MR HWANG AND ALSO GELLY

Wait there's TENSIONNNNNN

HE DID ABANDON HER AAAA

GELLY'S

aaa Mo-Tak my beloved

bro detective captain chill the heck OUTTT

Mo-Tak just sitting there brooding

why is he so hot why did they have to do that

AAA han-ul my baby

Mr detective captain man, you are a detective, you gotta be ready to face👏 the👏facts👏

ohohohooooo motak putting this man in his place

BRO THE LIGHT REFLECTING OFF THE BALD HEAD BRO IT'S GIVING

HAHAAAAAA

ooh it's number 37 the guy ms chu saved 9 years ago

Gelly what are you wearing you look like an anime character, but you're also rocking it

WAIT SHE CAN MODIFY MEMORIES TOO?

AHHH IT'S WONG THE VAMPIRE BOY IS BACK

THAT WAS THE BEST WORST PICKUP LINE

GELLY STOP WITH YOUR FURRY BS

EXCUSE ME!????????

MY BOY NOOOOOO

Mr Hwang you sexy bastardious beast leave right now

YOU DESERVED THOSE NECK STABS MHM

I DISLIKE THE BOTH OF YOU BUT I KINDA GET YOU

AYO????

STOP HARASSING GELLY

ok good

STOP MANIPULATING

you think she believes you??? nahhhh

Ooh now you're in trouble Mr hwangg

Ah yes, displays of affection to throw someone off guard, it's giving wattpad bad boy but better

And Gelly you're giving hard to get that doesn't want to get got

HA-NA AAAA YOU'RE OKAY YESSS

wait where you is girlie

ok in the warehouse

awww ms chu my beloved

Mun I feel so bad for you

HE'S SO CHIVALROUS I LOVE HIM

MS CHU I LOVE YOU

AHH CHAIRMAN CHOI COMING IN CLUTCH WITH THE FFOOS

jeok Bong where you at

AHHH HE'S WITH MO-TAK GOOD

Jeok Bong don't be stupid

your face is so helpless puppy I love it

WAIT DONT TELL ME HE'S FALLING FOR IT

ok good they're back

Mo-Tak you didn't have to do him like that

MS Chu when are you gonna recognise the guy

So Mun you're doing the anime character speech

OHHH THESE YUNG PEOPLE YUNG THIS YUNG THAT I'M GOING TO YUNG FU PANDA KICK Y'ALL OUT OF YOUR IKEA-LOOKIN AHH ROOM

THEY BETTER NOT

Oh my gosh the WINKING

THAT AIN'T EVEN WINKING THAT'S TRINKING BRO

YOU'RE ALL SO BAD AT LYING ESPECIALLY YOU JEOK-BONG

Oh it's this guy that's in love with hana

R u gonna take her to the fair or something???

FAIR??? BRO THEY IS LOCKING YOU IN

HANA YOU A BOSS BABE

bro who r these stanky stinky yoinky sploinky lookin-ahh ppl

bro stop spitting liquid out of ur mouth did you forget how to swallow or something

Ohhhhh these evil scammers

not only are you kicking people out of their houses, you're kicking old ppl out!!!

OLD PEOPLE

EVIL

THE POOR OLD PEOPLE

MHM MMM GO COUNTERS

bro why are you asking him if e works out he aboutta show you he works out

NAHH THEY BEATING THEM WITH BADMINTON RACKETS

get the elderly ppl out I'm glad they're ok

MO-TAK WHY YOU KUNG-FU PANDA-ING THE RACKET

DAMN GOOD SHOT DA I MEAN MO-TAK WOOO GOOD SHOT

BRO'S JUST SPANKING THEM WITH THE BADMINTON RACKETS

(do that to me😏)

SORRY WHAT WAS I SAYING

MHM NEVER MIND

MUN'S REALLY HITTING THEM WITH THE WHY ARE YOU HITTING YOURSELF

BRO YOU'RE CRUSHING THEIR BALLS BRO THAT'S CRUEL CANT YOU FEEL THAT EVEN I CAN FEEL THAT AN I'M A GIRL

MUN IS THIS YOUR VILLAIN ARC OR WHAT

MS CHU GET HIM

FINALLY YOU RECOGNISE HIM

AT LASTTTT

BRO WHAT ARE YOU DOING BOY WHO'S SIMPING FOR HANA

CHOI'S SHIPPING THEM ALREADY

BUT I WANT MUN TO GET WITH HER BUT I GUESS THEY'RE MORE LIKE SIBLINGS

NOT THE FAMILY LINE YOU KNOW JEOK-BONG IS IN LOVE WITH HER

HE'S HEARTBROKEN LOOK

WHY R U ALL LAUGHING

nooo baby

jeok bong I know you're in love with her but why r u being dramatic

HIS NAME IS DO-HWI I KNOW THAT NOW

CHAIRMAN CHOI U R DRUNK GO SIT DOWN

DONT LEAVE HANA ALONE NOOO

EITHER GELLYS GONNA GET HER OR LOVE IS GONNA GET HER

IT WAS LOVE OK

hmm im beginning to ship them

Ooooo bubbles

AAA SHE SMILING

THIS IS SO WHOLESOMEEEEE

imma use that tactic for hiccups

ok I ship them now

GELLY YOU BASTARD LEAVE THEM BE

YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH DO-HWI

AAAA A SU-HO

WHY DID 37 HAVE TO TURN BAD

oop this mofo on the toilet

he really pushin

BRO ARE YOU OKAY LEAVE YOUR SECURITY ALONE

OK so 37 is jae-youl got it

Imma just call him 37 tho

You better remember ms chu

Awww ms chu you're so sweet

EXCUSE ME SHE MAY BE OLD-ISH BUT SHE SLAPS

SHE'S LIKE MY GRANDMA I LOVE HER

he reminds her of su-ho that's so sweet

ope it's back to oily ma again

rich people annoy me so much sometimes

YOU

I WILL RIP YOU APART WITH MY BARE HANDS HOW DARE YOU SPIT ON HER

I HOPE OILY MA GETS YOU

I HOPE YOUR PILLOW IS PERPETUALLY WARM ON BOTH SIDES

I HOPE YOUR TOAST FALLS SPREAD-SIDE DOWN

LEAVE MIN JI ALONE

HOW CAN YOU BE SO DISRESPECTFUL

I'M GONNA RIP YOUR EYE BROWS OFF

OHH IT'S REGULAR ME BCUS THIS IS A FLASHBACK

HER NAME IS MIN-JI GOOD

I FEEL SO BAD

OILY MA IS GONNA EAT YOU ALIVE YOU KNOW

NAHH HE VIBRATIN

just wanna say, kang ki young( the guy who plays Mr Hwang) you have very expressive eyes and it adds a whole lot to your character

BRO U GOOD? UR VIBRATING SO MUCH

MS CHU UR SO KIND

AHHH MO-TAK I LOVE YOU

TY FOR REMEMBERING

AYO DID YOU STALK THIS GUY OR SUM

oh wait you're a detective :/

they can do that imma remember that

excuse me you rude bastard

why u walk like that

LEAVE 37 ALONE

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MS CHU COMING IN CLUTCH

MHM LEAVE 37 AND MY MS CHU ALONE

bro so much is happening at once damnnn

BRO GOT SNATCHED DAMN

ok Mr ma you popped his eye veins

That's misdirected aggression damn

your blood is slowly becoming oilier and oiler

OH NO DO-HWI

GELLY'S GONNA GETCHA BRO BE CAREFUL

Y'ALL I'M TEARING UP

THEY'RE SO SWEET

He's so lovely noooooo

I feel so BADDDDDD—

IT'S SO POETIC BUT WHY SO SAD

WAIT

I AM PREDICTING SOMETHING

GELLY'S GONNA GET DO-HWI AND HANA OR JEOK BONG IS GONNA HAVE TO SAVE HIM

NOOOO IT'S NO SAD

HOLY SHIZWIZZLE I WAS RIGHT

i'm ✨magjc✨

i'm ✨spec-tac-u-larrrr✨

mhm

yuh go me

but also NOOO DO-HWI IG YOU DIE I WILL CRY

GELLY BERHERD YOU FURRY PRICK

BRO YOU FLYING WTH

TELL ME SOMETHING RIGHT

CHAIRMAN CHOI BOUGHT YOU WEAPONS PLS USE THEM

I'll say it once and I'll say it again, it's giving Gwi-nam coming for cheongs-san's eye in aouad

Hana just because you can sense her movements doesn't mean you should e OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE THEM

DO-HWI

AHFFSOFIDGJDGJZFKDGJXKFFHKXMDK

THAT WOMAN THREW YOU LIKE 15 FEET

I KNOW YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HANA BUT LIKE

ACTUALLY NO HE HAD GOOD INTENTIONS

JUST NOW YOU WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY DIE

AND I WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY CRY

YUP THERE IT IS

wait a second holup

those spikes aren't nearly enough to kill someone

what furry wizardry bullcrap have you got going on here gelly berherd

OK GELLY YOU HAVE A POINT HANA SHOULDN'T HAVE CLOSED HER EYES

OK DO HWI IS ALIVE

AY YO???????????

OF COURSE SHE GETS TELEKINESIS AT THE MOST VITAL MOMENT

WAIT BUT THIS MEANS YOU'LL HAVE TO WIPE DO-HWI'S MEMORY NOOOO

WAIT HE'S DYING NO

GET MS CHU OVER HERE RIGHT NOW

GELLY SHE'S GONNA KILL YOU DEAD

DONT YOU SMILE SHE'S GONNA RIP OUT UR OTHER EYE

THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD EPISODE WHAT THE FRICK

SO MUCH HAPPENED AND IT WAS ALL SO WELL WRITTEN AND ACTED

WAIT THERE'S A BIT AFTER ALL THE SPLIT SCREEN STUFF?

EXCUUUUUSE ME WHAT THE FRICK

NAH

WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW FOLKS IMMA GO WATCH EPISODE 8

OOC || UNCANNY COUNTER S2E4 THOUGHTS

SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

glad we've got another furry lady (Gelly) to replace hyang-hui

If she hurts my baby I will break her acrylics

and also her spine

Pil Kwang and Mun are really just stranger things-ing it right now and I'm all here for it

It's giving eleven vs one but better because I like this show

Ah yes the power of a promise made you stronger good

how dare that man try and shoot chairman Choi if I snatch your weave this second

Gelly please stop with the scratching

So many problems would be stopped if people used their teeth as weapons

Getting choked? Bite. Getting held down? Bite. Jeok Bong I know you're new but please just bite her

MS SO IS BACK WOOHOO AND WONG IS GONE BOY GETCHA VAMPIRE LOOKIN-AHH OUT OF HERE

(he was kinda cool though)

oh damnit I forgot about the other Chinese counters

WAHOO MS CHU AND MS SO APPRECIATION

Chairman Choi you better thank Mun for saving you from that bullet

mo tak coming in with the tango disc pop off king

MS CHU WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU

CHAIRMAN CHOI IS SIMPING REAL HARD RN

DAMN ARE THEY GOOD AT DANCE

oh no jeok-Bong are you good

my poor baby noo

GELLY YOU DESERVED THAT I DIDN'T EVEN REALISE YOUR EYE WAS GONE BUT HELL IF YOU DESERVED IT

Pil Kwang why are you naked Pil Kwang why are you naked I don't care you just got out of the bath WHY ARE YOU NAKED PIL KWANG WHY ARE YOU

excuse me what is this wet monkey looking thing

you look like you smell of bin juice and petrol

STOP CORRUPTING MY MR. MA

STOP BREATHING IN HIS FACE TOO YOU'LL GIVE HIM BLACK LUNG

oh I really hope he doesn't get possessed but I have a very bad feeling he will

JEOK BONG WHERE ARE YOU

YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE ME NOOOO

GELLY YOU FURRY BASTARD YOU SCARED HIM

NOW HE FEELS WORTHLESS ASDAGFJGKGASHKHF

HE BETTER COME BACK

I swear if its because his pores are clogged that his power stopped working or because he got punched I will cry

Jeok-Bong's dad stop comparing your son, that happened to me and it was BAD

My poor baby UnU

SEONG-SIK YOU BASTARD

HOW DARE YOU PUT MY BABY IN DANGER

LEAVE HIM ALONE

LEAVE THE DAD ALONE TOO

ayo why does this man have so much blood in his nose

AHH HIS POWER CAME BACK

HE JUST HAD TO GET GUT IN THE NOSE AGAIN

HELL YEAH GET WRECKED YOU STINKY BASTARD

GET HIM BABY WAHOO

PUT COW DUNG ON THAT MAN

MMMMM Y'ALL IN YUNG BETTER BE CHEERING

WELL DONE JEOK-BONG

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

TO ETERNAL OIL HELL WITH YOU EVIL SPIRIT

AWWW JONG-GUK ISNT MAD GOOD

WAIT HE'S 21?

I SMELL MORE BS IN THAT STATEMENT THAN JEOK-BONG DOES AT WORK GOSH DAMN

THE BIG BROTHER STATEMENT

Aww him and his dad are bonding again finally

This is so wholesome I'm going to cry

MHM UR MAKING YOUR DAD PROUD JEOK-BONG

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

No because tell me why Mun has such a good fashion sense

And Mo-Tak too

And Ha Na

All of them actually

Gelly I regret to tell you but that steak is raw

I hope you get food poisoning

STOP MAKING CONNECTIONS DAMNIT

LEAVE MR MA ALONE

NOO IT'S THE EVIL OIL DEMON THING

LEAVE HIM ALONE

YOU AND YOUR MONKEY SOUNDING VOICE BETTER SINK BACK INTO THE OIL OCEAN

Mo-Tak please relax you're like three 9 year-olds in a trench coat

KWANG AND GELLY

YOU BASTARDS

EVIL OIL DEMON STUPID

LEAVE MY MR. MA OUT OF THIS

HOW DARE THE EPISODE END THERE

[poisonouswritings]

Soooooo idk if you’ve already done this type of ask buuutttt M3+Rime being parents! The absolute softness of it alll!!!! My cheeks hurt from smiling about the thought it!!!!

Yeah I can combine these

GN!Reader, everyone has daddy issues so that'll be interesting, love the modifier than Lucan and Balsam are the stinky godfathers

Felix Escellun

Have an honorary and legally required shout-out to this post by my friend @sweet-milky-tea705 (go give it some love)

Anyways whether you guys have a normal kid or an Amogus baby, Felix is nervous!! It's not like he had the best father figures growing up (much as he loves Florian, he has to admit the man was,, not,,, the best possible dad,,,,, though obviously leaps and bounds better than Escell). But once he holds that lil' baby in his arms and looks through it's shield visor all of those worries vanish.

Momentarily.

They come back thirty minutes later but that's not the point.

He was gonna ask Scylla to be the godmother but I... really... don't think she'd want to. Nor do I think she'd be emotionally equipped for that. So the honor promptly gets passed to Anisa.

...how..... how horrible would it be of him to ask Rime to be the godfather? He doesn't trust Sage so... man...... that's a rough one.......

Anyways Felix as a dad would be so cute!

Tries to teach them magic ofc. Instead of bedtime stories, he reads them passages from his various textbooks. Will go on long-winded rants while the baby just looks up at him like 'o-o'

Or like

If the kid makes mud pies then Felix will eat them (but get sicks afterwards. Now feels bad for all the times he made Florian eat his mud pies).

Spoils them with toys and outfits and games and anything else they want.

Probably is not the best at discipline. He doesn't wanna risk being too mean, y'know? Especially after everything with Escell.

Child's room has taxidermy animals in it. Felix says it's cute, like they're 'guarding' the kid or something.

Always indulges the kid's infinite questions. If he doesn't know the answer then he'll help the kid find it, either through research or experimentation.

Your kid ends up being tutored by Felix himself, so by the time they do get into the school system (private school presumably) they're several years ahead of the curve.

That's how your kid knows how to fix the wires in Electrical

Anisa Anka

If the spawn is biologically Anisa's then she's the most terrified out of everyone. She doesn't want her evil LoS blood infecting the little thing!!!

But when she sees how adorable they are, it's hard to imagine they could ever be evil. So that helps.

Anisa loves cuddling your kid. She always has them in her arms or on her hip.

When they're old enough to handle solid foods and more complex spices and stuff like that, she absolutely takes them out to the food market. Makes sure to be careful with allergies and doesn't let them eat enough to risk getting sick. You specifically told her not to let the kid spoil their dinner - actually you specifically told her not to spoil either of their dinners - but lo and behold once evening comes they're both too full to eat anything else.

If your kid is a baby then they constantly chew on Anisa's hair, skirt, ribbon, etc. And she just lets them.

A kid is picking on your kid and you have to hold Anisa back from committing a war crime. She is just,, really,,, really protective over them.

Tucks them into bed,, tells them stories about knights and royalty and fearsome dragons where good always triumphs over evil.

Wears matching outfits with them. Sorry not sorry.

For your birthday, they make you breakfast in bed! It doesn't go well but the effort is there.

Ayanna officially becomes a gilf. No further comment.

Saaros and Azimuth bringing toys and candies from Rivath!!

Sage Lesath

Okay so in Chapter 2 Sage mentions that his grandfather on his mother's side was nicknamed 'The Wolf' or whatever on account of his temper and my point is that that means Sage did know at least some of his bio family. So I ask you all, what do we think happened there?? Afaik we don't have a canon answer. And as far as I know we never hear anything about his father's side of the family, so I have to believe he probably had no idea who his dad was.

Which makes him stick to your side even more after your child is born/acquired. He doesn't want the kid having the same questions.

As expected he's also very protective of both of you.

If the kid is an ilephta or a half-ilephta, Sage makes sure they get enough play time and deals with any late-night zoomies.

Auntie Tulsi!!! Hand-makes toys herself. Sings a lot of the same lullabies that Sage used to sing for her. All very soft and sweet.

(Stinky) Uncles Lucan and Balsam! They take your kid out for day trips or overnight so that you and Sage can go on date nights and whatever. Love telling them stories about the dumb shit Sage has done in the past. Lets them cuss if they're old enough. I think they're both actually really good with kids! Lucan is like the excitable fun uncle and Balsam is the responsible in-charge uncle. Balsam gets his horns nommed on a lot. They both love your kid dearly and would go to the ends of the Earth to protect them.

There's a parade or something and Sage puts them on his shoulders so they can see.

SAGE TAKING A CAT NAP AND THE KID COMES OVER AND LAYS DOWN WITH HIM AND THEY'RE SNOOZING IN A SUNBEAM.

s o f t

Rime Varela

We run into the same question, who would Rime pick as a godmother/godfather? Maybe Anisa to be the godmother because I think they were close (and it's not like he has friends anymore) but,,,, would,,,,,,,, would Felix be the godfather? That seems really awkward. I dunno. Think about that.

You start calling the kid Bambi. Rime doesn't really get it, especially when you grab him by the shoulders and tell him not to get shot by a hunter.

Rime frequently watches your kid sleep. Just kinda thinking about his life, how he got to where he's at and how thankful he is for it. Appreciating the good things. Living, I guess.

Is very anxious about your kid finding out about his cultist background but also kinda realizes it's inevitable. He's at least hoping it won't come up until they're old enough to maybe understand.

Hopefully understand.

If you guys are near Sage, Rime will conjure up a snowball and tell his kid to throw it at him. And what is Sage gonna do? He can't get mad at a kid. He glares at Rime but that's about it. Always very nice to your kid tho

Sorry but it'd be hilarious if over time that backfires and now your kid loves playing with Sage and calls him Uncle and Rime is just stewing.

Sings the kid to sleep. If they have nightmares then he's always there to chase the monsters away.

His horns also get nommed on a lot

[dameronology]

better now {natasha romanoff}

summary: just domestic bliss with natasha - also, you have a cat (reader is gender neutral!) 

warnings: language 

i long for domestic days with my wife. also, this is spoiler free bc i am yet to see the movie because i have been WORKING so much

enjoy,

jazz xx

A day was never a bad one when you got to see Natasha Romanoff.

It was just that the hours leading up to you reuniting with your girlfriend was, for lack of a better word, a complete and utter shit storm. Everything that could have gone wrong did and whilst you weren’t one to entirely believe in sod’s law, today certainly felt like a textbook example of it. It had started in the morning with a spilt coffee and traffic that made you late and continued into the afternoon with an unnecessarily moody boss and a meeting that overran by an hour. The university was truly testing you and it felt like you were failing miserably. 

By the end of the day, you were more than ready to get home and crash. The only thing that stood between you and your goal was Manhattan’s evil rush hour, a busy subway and a headache that felt like it was about to swallow your entire frontal lobe Jonah-style. If Natasha had been in the office that day, it might not have been so bad; she drove like a maniac and could have got you to work on time and thanks to her spy skills, your coffee never would have spilt. Plus, she could have driven you home after and you wouldn’t have had to of suffered on the sweaty underground train system (that, somehow, seemed to be the entire backbone of New York City). Luckily for Nat, it was her first day off in weeks -- and besides, part of you didn’t even want her seeing you like this. She would absolutely still love you when you were a frazzled mess, but you much preferred her to have a slightly nicer image of you in her head. Perhaps one where you weren’t covered in coffee. And when the vein on your forehead was slightly less...present. 

After battling your way through the F-Train - and almost crying when you saw that your building’s elevator was broken - you finally made it home. 

The apartment was dark when you walked in, save for the fact the television was still playing. An old episode of Friends lit up the screen, the sound of canned laughter and out-dated 90s referenced filling the air. It was warm, which meant Natasha had been around at some point in the last hour. She was always in and out, though it was unlike her to leave when you were due to be home. 

Sighing to yourself, you dumped your bags on the side and reached out a hand to turn on the kettle. You felt something soft against your leg; as usual, your cat had come to greet you. He was an old stray that you’d taken in last year - Nat had been a little hesitant at first, but she treated him as a son now.

“Hey, Stinky Steve,” you leant down to greet him. 

(Steve - the Rogers kind, not the cat - had hated the name at first). 

He let out a small purr as you stroked behind his ears. Of all things, at least he didn’t smell anymore - it had been a completely different story when you’d first found him in the back alley near your local bar. That, paired with the fact he had a stern, Captain America-esque expression, had earned him his name. 

You jumped slightly when you felt a warm pair of arms wrap around your waist. Then, as though she had appeared out of thin air, Natasha rested her head on your shoulder and pulled you to her chest. She pressed a kiss to your jaw before spinning you around to face her. 

“How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me?” you greeted her, a smile finally appearing on your face for the first time that day. 

“Counting this one?” Nat quirked an eyebrow. “Eighty two, I think.”

You rolled your eyes, grin not faltering. “Where were you?”

“I was gonna sneak down to the subway station to meet you,” she explained. “I think a left a little too late, though.”

“Oh, baby,” you murmured. “I’m sorry. I kinda rushed home.”

Nat frowned. “Are you okay?”

She’d always been brilliant at picking up on physical cues. Natasha was intuitive by nature but it had only increased tenfold because of her training in her formative years. It meant that she could read you like a book - impressively so sometimes. It was definitely handy when you didn’t all that much feel like communicating on your bad days.

“Yeah, just a long day,” you replied. “I’m okay now, though.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. Her face held a concerned look, a hand running up and down your back. “What happened?”

“Just...one of those days, you know?” you said. “I was running late, I got coffee down myself, Michael was being insufferable about all of us attending those stupid CPR classes and it made me an hour late to my meeting so it overran.”

Natasha nodded sympathetically, pressing another soft kiss to your cheek. 

“C’mon,” she tugged your hand, steering you towards the bedroom. “Go put on some comfy clothes. I’ll order pizza.”

“Thank you,” you softly smiled. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she beamed back. “Your favourite hoodie should be in your drawer.” 

“Thank youuuuuu!” you chimed once more and slipped inside the bedroom.

Ever since you’d moved into Natasha’s apartment, everything you owned had begun to smell of her - not just her perfume, but just her. It was funny, really, because you’d never actually officially moved in. Your belongings just slowly started to move from your flat over to hers as your relationship progressed and there came a point where you realised you were merely renting your own place, only to never actually go there. It was the same for a lot of your relationship, actually. It all just happened so naturally. There was never any pressure from either party, or any expectations. You just existed together and from it, came beautiful things. 

After freshening up and changing into a hoodie and some sweats, you headed back out into the living room. Nat was sat on the couch, Stink Steve perched beside her. She’d turned the volume up on Friends now, green eyes half-focused on what was going on - they flickered over to you when you came in and she smiled. 

“Which episode are you on?” you asked. 

“I’m not sure,” she replied. “Monica is cleaning, Joey is eating and Ross is being annoying.”

“That could be any episode ever,” you shot back. 

She held her arms open to you as you dropped onto the sofa beside her. It was second nature for her to reach out and hold you - specifically just in private, but sometimes in public. She’d been scared at first to show any displays of affection in front of other people; for fear of being judged, for fear of you becoming a target, for fear of it being blasted on social media. Now, however, Nat found herself caring a lot less. She loved you and she wanted people to know about it. That wasn’t to say that she suddenly started smothering you whenever you were out, but she had set her phone wallpaper to the two of you, and she was more than eager to hold your hand whenever you went out. 

“The pizza is on the way,” she said. 

You reached for the blanket on the back of the couch, pulling it over the two of you. Nat tucked it under her arms and pulled you closer; her lips were soft against your temple as she kissed it, tangling your hands in hers as she found it beneath the material. A moment later, Stinky Steve’s head popped out from underneath the blanket. 

“How are you feeling now?” Nat asked softly. 

You wanted to give her the truth: absolutely fucking unstoppable now that I’m with you. Perhaps that would have been a little too grandiose. 

“Much better,” you smiled.