#i love getting asks so much its such a boost of dopamine for me and gets me reinvested in whatever im doing

[maaaxx]

max ily you are the best every time I see you in my notes I start giggling and kicking my feet in the air and then I have two re read every word a thousand times over and over again until I memorize it ily !!!!!!!!!!!

HIIII MILKT

Im glad you like my note things your art is SO AMAZING so if comes very easily (my tags ang commebts and such your easy to compliment)

your one of my favorite artists EVER everything you post is so pretty and i love it sm. <3333

[spookierz]

honestly i think if someone came up to me & asked me “whats your one quick trick for being happy in life” i’d tell them to become a fan of garfield

because when there’s something you like or something your a fan of & you see it going about your day to day life it instantly makes your day so much better you know?? if you lovveeeee snails & u see a snail ur day will be amazing even if some parts of it where shit because you saw a snail

& if you see garfield in your day to day life ur life will be so much better because ur seeing something you love you know? & seeing something you love makes you happy. & i think the real magic of garfield is how he is *everywhere,* but only if your looking for him. hes just prevalent enough that hes around every corner but hes not spilling out the edges in a way that gets on ur nerves like some other mainstream things. like its actually really really easy to find garfield in ur day to day life- show’s constantly reference him, hes a household name, he’s stuck to the inside of car windows. hes easy as hell to find if you look & when you find him your gonna be happy

hes also just really easy to love. hes stupid & mean but he’s relatable, its easy to project a part of yourself you may not like without feeling any shame. everyone is a little slothful & everyone hates mondays, but you cant get mad at garfield for that because he’s a blameless cat whos just doing what cats do. hes flawed so no one looks at him & feels an expectation to be more like him, no one looks at garfield & feels guilt because they arent following in his footsteps, but no one looks at garfield & feels shame because they relate to him too much. if you relate to garfield, you get a good chuckle. if you dont relate to garfield, you dont exist.

so yeah basically being a fan of garfield gives you a basically infinite source of joy bc even if you aren’t actively directly consuming the insane amount of content he has you still get dopamine boosts from having him in ur surroundings plus garfield is a blameless & relatable character that’s difficult to dislike but he still feels (& is!) human & real & solid so i think hes pretty great & he definitely makes me happy

[jmflowers]

Ok I got a little carried away so you can choose all of these or just like one or two. For the Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🍓 🔪 🏜️ 🦴

Thank you!!

You absolutely did not get carried away! Thank you, this was fun. I don’t usually do this on my phone, but I’m too tired to get up so please bear with me. (Is it bear or bare? I argued with my grade 11 English teacher about this and I still don’t actually know the right answer…)

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

I started writing fan fiction when I was probably about 12 or 13? I literally did not have any reference point to the concept - I just loved TV and creating things and writing was an important hobby. I think I was frustrated with a topic not being given the attention I wanted in the show Ghost Whisperer (I was obsessed) so I just wrote it myself. The only way I knew to connect with fandom was through YouTube, as I’d been making fan montages for a while. I edited my story, chapter by chapter, into videos and posted it there. I didn’t end up finding fandom spaces for writing and community until I was about 18, when I joined tumblr and started reading on livejournal and fanfiction.net. I discovered screenwriting around that time, too, and fell in love with the idea of combining these things to make a career. (Only took me another decade to finally bite the bullet and dive in.) I’ve been writing and telling stories literally my entire life, and have studied the art form profusely throughout my education, but I definitely think I’ve seen the most growth in my work through the act of writing fan fiction - it fuels so much discipline while still giving you the space to experiment.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

I looooove to research. I spend a lot of my time looking up words in other languages and reading articles about child development. For Vofreude I read a lot about the history surrounding the clitoris and its accurate portrayal in diagrams. I think the weirdest thing I dove deep into was how to hotwire a car, for Epithet.

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Anything. I get really overwhelmed by long comments and freak out on how to respond, even though they mean so much. (I worry that people think that means I don’t care about those ones.) I love when people make jokes or compliment in a way that’s silly. Also a huge fan of bookmark notes - I go and read those a lot. I die when someone mentions that they loved something else I wrote for a different fandom and that they’re happy to find me again in a new fandom - that feels pretty life changing. In real life, anytime I can create something that makes my mom cry is an absolute win in my books - she doesn’t cry often, but I’ve gotten her with a few specific things through the years.

I will say, I find it easier to respond to comments in the first few days after a piece is posted. I adore getting comments later - that email notification is one hell of a dopamine boost - but I get anxious about answering. And then I get anxious about there being a comment I haven’t responded to. And then I get anxious about how much time has passed since the comment was posted and I’m not sure if it’s too late to answer. Vicious game.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

Music. Everything I create always leads back to music. It’s how I yank myself out of blocks, usually. When I listen to music, I start to visualize how things might look or feel and then I try to emulate that in whatever I’m working on. It’s easiest for editing videos, as I picture the scenes that will match up to things. For writing, I just go with the vibes. Most of my stories have an accompanying playlist that I listen to when I’m writing in that universe.

[asummersday]

1, 2, and 12 for the soft ask game! <3

1. what song makes you feel better?

dog days are over by florence + the machine 1000%

listening to that song opens the secret door of the instant dopamine boost. one of my all time favorite songs of all times FOR!! REAL!!

(unrelated to the ask, but i also really love the album cover for lungs)

2. what’s your feel-good movie?

i know it's a very recent movie, but dungeons & dragons: honor among thieves. it's such a wonderful comfort movie for me and i think i've already rewatched it like 3 times by now?

it's so funny and entertaining and i've never played dnd (yet. id love to get into that tbh. does listening to the adventure zone count?) but it really does feel like a dnd campaign and its so delightful.

12. how are you?

a little stressed over the whole ao3 situation tbh.

ever new bit of information over the situation was... really not doing me many favors. it's through ao3 that i met all of my writer friends and the site did so much for my mental health and i've been incredibly paranoid all day that we might actually lose the site.

i'm calmer now and trying to not think about that Jjasfks. i'm actually motivated to write so that's great!!! finally making progress :D

ty for the ask wren!! <33

soft asks game

[hwanchaesong]

ok im abt to give u the best reactions ever !!! and this is the first time i ever do smth like this off anon so well ,, here we go reading the first masterpiece

“That's what everyone thought, if they want to talk to you, they just have to look for Jungwon and bam! You'll be right there as well. It was a common notion for you two to be inseparable, a matching set, the missing puzzle pieces that completes the picture.” that’s actually so cute what the 😭 matching set 🥹

“No.” what do u know ?? omg that broke my heart and im barely js a few paragraphs in 😭

never knew tasting cheese could be so romantic… i hate cheese though🧌

DAYLIGHT . but daylight is legit ynwon coded . well at least will be (but its golden.. )

“Mr. Smartpants used the refrigerator to cast a glow in the darkness, and now he is right there, situated right where he used to be, meeting you face to face and you're lost” WE RE DANCING AROUND THE KITCHEN IN THE REFRIGERATOR LIGHT SKSKDKLE I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE OMG OMG ALL TOO WELL REFERENCE ????? kinda the whole vibe of this fic ngl

"I did. So fucking much that I asked your brother to set us up." you’re so real for that won

"Y/N, I do not imagine you in my future." that stings, that shit hurts to the point that tears begin welling up, then your eyes are wide open at his next words, "You are not in my future because you are the future. My future. Do you get it? I don't imagine. I, indubitably, want you to be at the center of it all." i got goosebumps omg i need a guy like this 😥

“This film is something you have seen before, except tonight,” I THINK IVE SEEN THIS FILM BEFORE AND I DIDNT LIKE THE ENDING all these taylor references?? I LOVE IT OMG

oh wow. i cannot ??!/? express how much this fic means to me now idk IT LEGIT IS SO GOOD AND WELL WRITTEN I LOVE IT SM

it'S A BIG HONOR TO ME THAT YOU DID THIS W/O BEING AN ANON LIKE ?????? THANK YOU SO MUCH 😭😭

again, this means a lot to me. this is also my first time receiving this much feedback through an ask and i'm so happy about it 😔✊

this is my first time writing for enha and one of my worries is that it might not connect with the audience. i was re-reading the whole fic so many times to make sure that it has enough angst, fluff and all that 🥹

so, yeah. you're such an angel for doing this, legit shed a tear or two while reading your reaction 🙈

AND LEMME TELL U I AM IN MY TAYLOR SWIFT BRAIN ROT ERA. 🫠 SO IG THERE WILL BE A LOT OF REFERENCE TOWARDS HER FOR THE REMAINING FICS LMAO (i'm lit in love with u for noticing those easter eggs 🥺)

i am certainly baffled by how much you've made me giggle and smile like a teenager with a crush with only a few interactions. you're the boost of dopamine that i needed to continue writing—

[1d1195]

your concern was what made me feel so cared for...i literally wrote to you as soon that person's mum called apologizing and all....you are so attentive and caring....it feels like you are best friend if I do say so myself (sorry if any boundaries was crossed here) 🫶🫶🫶

Also the new chapter was EXACTLY what I needed, I feel like it was so perfectly put together where every little knots tied up and can I just say that the little flashback of harry thinking back to the coin toss was a literal genius...I genuinely thought of it as a movie and its something I am gonna quote on a daily basis...new york bestseller moment if you ask me😭✨🥹💖

Very sorry your day went bleh suddenly, it happens to the best of us though its no a super duper feeling...I really hope your next activity, or day gives you a dopamine boost and you skyrocket through the rest of the week...you deserve it after giving a THURSDAY POST!!!!

P.s. had a little celebration yesterday after realising I have my own hashtag ajfueifidjeivjfi2🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

-🧸

NO BOUNDARIES ARE CROSSED 😭 happy to have a new bestie! Tell me all about yourself, I would love to get to know you better! 💕I'm so glad you're okay!

I must tell you I had a totally different storyline than the one I came up with (the stalker was going to basically kidnap her and take her on a date to Dolcezza and Harry was just going to LOSE his mind 😍) but I didn't like the way it was reading and didn't think I would be able to pull it off. I actually thought my 50-50 description was awful on subsequent rereads so you thinking it was a NYT BESTSELLER 😭😭 You are so lovely!

My Friday did go pretty smoothly actually so your well-wishes must have done the trick! 💕

OF COURSE YOU GET A HASHTAG. I love chatting with you and idk who's idea this was originally as an identifier but I'm OBSESSED and feel so lucky that I have a few anons that like talking with me so much they want to come back!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and can't wait to hear from you!

xoxo

[bubsub69]

Entry 27

2-11-2023 15:35 I miss her so much. I think i might have found the perfect person for me, she's really kind and likes to praise me instead of degrading me, she keeps calling me handsome which feels really nice.. even if i dont believe her. Damn just rereading old texts already made me tear up I cant believe Im already forgetting how she texts and stuff, I really fucking miss her but she's really busy, I've had to wait 3 days just for a reply, and my anxiety really isnt helping with this, because I still don't trust her 100% and I honestly don't think I could handle it if she got sick of me.. and why wouldnt she, I cant even stay with just her.. I was still talking to other doms cause I was still in the "ready to move on when she asks for money/ghosts cause am ugly" mode but its not an excuse, im gonna stop doing that shit, I got lucky do be able to leave early out of 2 chaster locks which has to be a sign, I have to be good to her if i want to stay with her. Now all im missing is following the abstinence rule.. She has agreed to a video call when I derserve it and when she's free but considering I so much of a piece of shit I cant even abstain for her and the last time we talked at night was a week ago it might take a while. I really fucking hope it comes soon, I really hope I get the same dopamine boost I had when I had the video call with D… fuck that was 6 months ago.. I really havent had anything nice happen love wise in 6 months… but.. its gonna change right?… I hope so……..please answer me J

[iliketrainmen]

If I had a nickle for every great glitchmon fic/au I've found over the past month or so, I'd have three nickles. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird/amazing that it happened thrice in 2022. ((I'd also have two nickles for every reminder of and subsequent nostalgia-wave for Glitch Fest ;u;)) Anyways!!! Greetings, person of phenomenal taste & art skill, please take this ask as blanket permission to talk about whatever GlitchFarer AU stuff you want to :)

I'm so so sorry for responding to this so late! Tumblr pulled a Wattpad and kept deleting wiping my responses to this, but after updating Tumblr it's finally working properly and I can answer this!

Thank you sm for the ask ahhhhh!!!! I'm really happy that you like Glitchfarer, it's such a passion child of both my interests in Submas and my love for Gen 1 glitches (which have become so prevalent they're practically a science of their own.). Also, nice to see another Scykoh fan here, making this au made me rewatch their glitch quest videos about pokemon and eventually the entire playlist of glitchfest that they've made.

Also, I have been holding BACK so much when it comes to this AU, but I'll try not to spoil too much of it other than basic world building.

———;

So, Glitchfarer. This au came alive during the first big wave of submas content involving Emmet capturing/using legendaries to beat up God. I remember looking at a particular post about Emmet catching all of the legendaries to absolutely body Arceus to bring Ingo back, and going "that's cool and all... but why not more unhinged? Why not something like MissingNo?" and them boom. It was created and it was incredible.

A really fun thing about this au for me is that while I can portray it comedically, there's a lot of thought and technical stuff that goes into the designs of the glitchmons and the world they live in. For example, the main Glitch City is one big labyrinth that will always get you lost, and is a constantly changing maze. If you dont have one of the locals guiding you, you're stuck in there forever unless a pokemon can use fly to escape. It's made up of a bunch of optical illusions that aren't illusions at all. There are also floating islands as apart of the natural terrain outside of the massive city and a large, endless sea at the bottom that doesn't have a floor to it.

The bottomless sea is more or less a really complicated one-sided gateway to Cinnibar island's coastline, and it's flooded with all of the different pokemon and trainers that are possible, including Zzazz trainers. This is mainly in reference of the Old Man glitch, where various pokemon and trainers can be encountered at the right edge of the Cinnabar Island coastline depending on the letters of your name. Thought it'd be a cool reference to one of the oldest glitches known.

Glitchmons included in this comic are designed based on their known typings, moves, and general corruption in the game. In the introduction post .4 was portrayed as an evil beetle sort of fellow, and for good damned reason!! Encountering one in the wild with the Mew glitch is risky, as these fellas can learn Super Glitch as early as... you know... level 1. It learns it multiple times through its move pool aswell, and it's pokedex entry plays a chaotic glitch tune that never ends and prevents the player from doing most of anything. Japanese Symbol is designed as a bit of a dick head, as it can be encountered through the Mew glitch and will always freeze the game upon entrance. (During research of this, I found out that by complete coincidence Japanese Symbol is the same name given to it by the English community of glitch hunting. I gave it that name because my phone doesn't have the character.)

Currently, there are three other characters planned to join Emmet in his shenanigans; one of them I already revealed in the introduction post, but the other two I won't spoil for a while. Just know that one of them is probably wanted for war crimes and the other is a character I'm surprised to not see much of in this Submas revival, considering they were one of the og fanboys of Ingo and Emmet.

[joontella]

achromatic.

Yandere!Kim Namjoon x Female Reader

Word Count: 11.1k

Genre(s):  Angst, Slight Fluff, (HORRIBLY WRITTEN) Smut

Trigger Warning(s): Mentions of religion or lack thereof, blood, murder, idk how the human body works, (unknown) consumption of blood, manipulation, stalking, male masturbation (again, horribly written), Namjoon is an asshole, and musical terms because i play music rip, minor character death, slight gore. it gets really shitty towards the end. i’m sorry

Merry Merry! It’s Peppermint! Your gift is finally here, @exhausted-joy​! I’m sorry for the wait. I had to make sure that it was perfect. This is my first time doing this, and I really wanted to give it my all. Please forgive me, and thank you for putting up with my antics in the server. I hope you enjoy it!

I also want to thank Saniya (@smeraldos-blog), Mari (@joheun-saram), Hannah (@spicykoreantatertots), Ley (@pars-ley​), Avery (@ksmuttherapy​), and everyone else who tolerated and/or helped me out! I love you all and thank you so much for the help and support! I’m so happy to have met you all!

ach·ro·mat·ic /akrəˈmadik/

adjective

without color.

“Damn. There goes my chance of starting my winter break with a passing grade.” One woman groaned.

“What the hell are you talking about? You have a solid ‘C’! I’m literally failing everything!” Her friend responded, as her arms waved in a cartoonish rendition of exasperation. “And whose fault is that?” “Not mine! This semester was nothing but a months-long depressive episode. How could I focus with everything that’s going on?”

He so desperately wishes that they would shut up, or at the very least, take their obnoxiously loud conversation elsewhere. Namjoon twirled the ink pen in his hand with a practiced precision only years of being hunched over paperwork could provide. However, those were nothing but pipe dreams as the two students turned their attention over to him. “There’s Kim Namjoon! He’s had the top spot for years now, way before he was enrolled here.” One began babbling quite loudly whilst pointing to the man in question. “I bet he came out of the womb with high marks. I heard that he scored in the 99th percentile for his newborn screening tests.” The other swooned in response to her own musings.

Obviously, these two were much more idiotic than he had originally thought. It didn’t take an expert to read his body language: the way that he twirled his pen faster, as if that could speed up the agonizing conversation he was being forced to bear witness to; the way his jaw clenched so tightly that it could easily break a metal wire; and the position his shoulders held, resembling an animal coiling in preparation to strike or flee. He pleaded to gods he didn’t even believe in for the duo to be quickly eradicated with a swift strike of lightning. According to the calculations he made swiftly in his head, the chances of something like that happening were infinitesimally small. How unfortunate.

Deciding that the best course of action to take would be to leave the two neanderthals to their devices, Namjoon did just that. He quickly snapped his book shut with one hand and a loud, meaningful clap as the pages suddenly collided with each other. If that didn’t make the nuisances jump in surprise, his words would.

“Although I’m a source of inspiration and wonder to many, it’s degrading to hear someone so openly refer to me in a way that one would to an exotic zoo animal,” He began. Namjoon’s tone was cool and even, carrying an air of regality all the while retaining a bitter edge of contempt and disdain for both the conversation and the mere existence of the two original party members. 

Finally, the two felt the brunt of the consequences their crimes on Namjoon’s ears had to offer. They both visibly wilted, reminding the tall man of his mother’s daisies being roasted and withering under the dry summer heat. Normally, this would have been more than enough to diffuse the situation and lift him of his auditory burden. However, his heart ached for more. His brain so desperately yearned for more stimulation and a rush of dopamine.

He decided to twist the knife, so to speak.

“Also, you too could rise to the top.” Namjoon said as he began to turn away.

Out of his peripheral vision, he could see the two wilted flowers gain new life and their faces brighten with newfound hope. The loudest of the two even had the audacity to whimper a pathetically optimistic, “Really?”

Twist. Twist. Twist!

“Of course~.” Namjoon purred, deciding to turn to face his victims’ satisfying demise. His heart threatened to beat in double time in anticipation.

Although their anxiously awaiting smiles made his stomach turn, he couldn’t deny the mirth swirling alongside the disgust in his belly.

“First off, instead of blaming your inadequacies solely on the tumultuous events of this year, take responsibility for your shortcomings. Only children avoid blaming themselves.”

He could hear the glass shattering as their faces fell in a tandem that most would find heartbreaking. He found it utterly amusing. Now, he would take his leave. After receiving the reaction he desired and more, Namjoon wanted nothing more than to leave the duo to stew in their humiliation. Yet, one last thing lingered. He had yet to land the finishing blow that would ensure that he wouldn’t be bothered by these two pieces of scum ever again.

Twist. Twist! TWIST!

“Before I forget, avoid talking so loudly. As you may or may not have noticed, I was trying to study. You know, one of the things that facilitates good grades? I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but your incessant bantering made it increasingly difficult to do so. Might I suggest that you follow my example and do the same? Maybe then, one day, you could take my place at the top.”

Namjoon wasn’t even facing them anymore. His back was to the two women, further solidifying his dismissal of them. With a simple and curt wave of his hand, he simply uttered,

“Ladies.”

And he was on his way.

“Exam results will be posted this afternoon. I trust that you all scored high enough marks to keep our university in high regard.” Your professor droned from the front of the lecture hall. “I know that many of you despise the fact that a standardized test is still administered in college, but so far, it is the only way to ensure that Mugunghwa National Academy is churning out bright students worthy enough to contribute to society!”

The students in question couldn’t care less about their scores or the school’s prestige. All they were worried about was getting the hell out of there after two hours of examination and stifling silence. They all stood from their seats and slung their bags across their bodies. A disgruntled murmur rang throughout. Quite frankly, you were no different.

As you hugged your notebook close to your body, your professor stopped you as you reached the lecture hall door.

“Ah, Miss (L/N). A word, please.”

Surprised, you let out a soft, “Sure.” and walked over to the podium where your professor started to neatly stack and organize his papers.

“As you know, Miss (L/N), you are one of the two best students we’ve had at this academy recently.”

You shifted your weight awkwardly at the sudden praise. You felt heat rise to your cheeks as you began to speak. “I mean, I guess? I wouldn’t go that far, but I suppose that records and the numbers do suggest that I’m performing quite well.” Your professor scowled at your response. You were a bright young woman. You deserved to flaunt it and soak up the praise every once in a while, right? He folded his arms and sighed deeply causing your brain to go into overdrive on how you could rectify the situation. “While pride does come short of a fall, you should learn to take compliments when they’re given, (Y/N). I promise you that you won’t become an egomaniac anytime soon as a result.” He said gently, causing your nerves to subside. Right. Maybe you should just accept compliments. A little self esteem boost never hurt anybody, right? “Thank you, professor, but may I ask why you’re telling me this?” You asked, trying to move the conversation along as politely as you could. You had an hour before you were due to go to the college’s radio station and prepare for this evening’s broadcast. Hopefully, your professor would get to the point so you could quickly grab a bite to eat before you started airing.

“Oh yes, of course! I’m sorry! I said all this to tell you that I have your exam results already. Seeing as how you are the brightest in your class, you finished early, giving me enough time to grade yours while your peers were working. I think that you’ll find the results to your liking, Miss (L/N).” He grinned, handing you a white manila envelope with the school’s insignia printed on the front.

You quirked a brow and opened it. You were then greeted by the name of the school, its motto, and yet another print of the school emblem on the header. Your (E/C) eyes scanned the page until you found what you were looking for:

𝑴𝒖𝒈𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒘𝒂 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑨𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒚 𝑨𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎 

𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆: (𝑳/𝑵), (𝒀/𝑵) 

𝑴𝒂𝒋𝒐𝒓: 𝑱𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒎 

𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎: 𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 21 

𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒆: 98/100 

𝑪𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔 𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒌:

1 𝒐𝒇 300

You stood there, dumbfounded. The paper you once held gingerly and timidly was wrinkling and threatening to tear under your now iron grip. You were now number one. Somehow, some way, you managed to best Kim Namjoon. Mugunghwa’s already carefully balanced and fragile ecosystem was crumbling around you. What have you done?

“I take it that you’re in shock. I’ll leave you alone to celebrate.” Your professor said smoothly as he slung his coat over his shoulder. “Congratulations, (Y/N). Please enjoy the rest of your day.”

“Uh huh… Will do…” You uttered dumbly.

Mugunghwa National Academy ran on strict rules, but most of them were unspoken. For the sake of your sanity and that of the rest of the student body (and let’s face it, staff, too), you intended to follow those sacred and silent rules to the letter.

Rule Number One: Don’t look in the janitor’s closet near the athletics facilities. You may not come out the same way as you came in.

Rule Number Two: If the cafeteria serves meatloaf, avoid it at all costs. Only eat it if you want to get sick and purposely miss class.

Rule Number Three: Kim Namjoon is the best at everything. He is to be number one until Hell freezes over.

Rule Number Four: In order to keep peace and balance between the nations, (Y/N) (L/N) must always come in second. This is the natural order of things.

You were content with being in second place. To be frank, you preferred to leave the pomp and circumstance of being the top dog to Namjoon. He was more equipped to bear the burden, after all. Besides, it wasn’t like your future career was depending on you being the best. You could skate by with a silver medal and leave Namjoon with the gold. You preferred the look of silver, anyway.

Now look at what you've done. There’s no doubt that the records have been updated by now. Your professor did grade yours early, and it’s reasonable to assume that Namjoon’s was as well. You’d inadvertently torn a hole in the gossamer fabric that was Mugunghwa National Academy. With one exam, you signed the collective death certificate of every other person besides Kim Namjoon himself. 

May God have mercy on your wretched soul.

“Young Master, your father would like to have a word with you in his study.” The head butler of the Kim mansion stated simply.

For the second time that day, Namjoon clenched his jaw tightly. He shrugged off his coat and handed it to the older gentleman who was automatically waiting at his side to collect the article of clothing. He hadn’t even gotten through the door and already his father wanted to speak with him. This didn’t bode well.

“Seokjin, did he mention why he’d want to see me?” Namjoon asked dryly. Seokjin simply shook his head and hung his coat on the nearby rack. 

“He only mentioned that it was urgent, so I suggest that it would be in your best interest to make it there expeditiously.”

This certainly did not bode well. Kim Joonho was a man of few words. Most would say that he’s the very definition of “actions speak louder than words”. Whenever the CEO of Kim Industries did something, people watched in equal parts starstruck awe and fear. However, when the CEO of Kim Industries deemed something important enough to speak on, there was no choice in the matter. You either listened intently or you perished in more ways than one. This was no different for Joonho’s family. In fact, he was worse to them. Working under the guise of caring for his family, Joonho was more stoic to his wife and children.

Regardless of his debatably righteous intentions, it sent the Kim family into delicately managed dysfunction. Simply put, Kim Joonho never spoke to Namjoon out of wishing to connect with his son on a more personal level. Namjoon was the next heir to Kim Industries. Being his son was an unfortunate side effect.

“Sir, I know that I did implore you to hurry, but-”

“What?” Namjoon growled. His nerves were shot to shit today. Anything that impeded his meeting with his father and his goal to quickly get it over with was met with hostility.

Seeming to understand this, Seokjin cleared his throat and motioned a gloved hand towards the mansion’s threshold.

“You know better than to walk in the house with your shoes still on,” The Kim butler began smoothly as he made his way over to Namjoon to collect his shoes. “I do understand that you are upset, but you shouldn’t let your emotions cloud your judgement so drastically that you forget such basic cultural conventions.”

Namjoon sighed sharply and bit back a retort that was bubbling in his throat. Arguing with Seokjin was pointless. As per usual, he was correct. Engaging in such petty conflicts would only worsen things.

“Right. I suppose I was quite hasty. Thank you.” Namjoon sighed whilst peeling off his shoes.

“I do believe that an apology is in order, Young Master.”

Namjoon was already halfway across the foyer, about to ascend the grand staircase leading to the upper floors when Seokjin’s cheeky remark reached his ears. He felt his blood begin to simmer in his veins and his muscles stiffen.

“The fact that I haven’t fired you by now and ruined any chances of you gaining any further employment should be enough of an apology. You’re treading on thin ice, Seokjin. Remember your place in this world.”

With that, he continued his journey to the final boss room within the Kim family mansion: his father’s study. The last he heard of Seokjin was a sly chuckle and the clicking of his polished leather shoes against the floor. Staff were not guests. Therefore, they were not allowed the privilege of removing their shoes. They were expendable. They needn’t get too comfortable.

Despite how much he detested it, Namjoon couldn’t deny that cold chill of anxiety that frosted his entire body. His father never wanted to talk to him. Ever. He could count on his hands the times that Joonho requested his presence. He could count on only one hand how many times Joonho requested his presence to celebrate his son’s successes. Their relationship was solely professional. There was no love to be found, no matter how hard you read between the lines. Even in as high of a position as Namjoon is in, he is still subservient to his father.

That’s the natural order of things.

“Come in, Namjoon.” Joonho’s voice rang from behind the large mahogany doors.

Almost cartoonishly, the hinges squeaked like Namjoon was uncovering the entrance to a haunted crypt. Namjoon decided long ago that was an eerily apt way of describing his father’s study.

Naturally, Namjoon obeyed his father and entered the room. Dead center, there sat Kim Joonho on his throne. Sitting with perfect posture behind the large oak desk, Joonho stared his son down with cold eyes filled with disdain. How Namjoon desperately wished he could gouge them out with his father’s prized letter opener.

“Don’t waste my time. Have a seat. I don’t have all day.” Joonho snapped.

“Of course. How are you today, father?”

The CEO’s eyes narrowed at his son’s inquiry. “Spare me the niceties, boy. Sit down. We have business to discuss.”

Before Namjoon could interject, Joonho was already reaching into a drawer and produced a white manila envelope. Upon closer inspection, one could see Mugunghwa National Academy’s insignia emblazoned on the front. Once Namjoon was properly seated, he reached out and grabbed the parcel.

“May I ask what this is?” “You may not. You have eyes, boy. Read it for yourself.”

The frigid chill of anxiety was soon being replaced with the molten heat of fury. Some tiny part of Namjoon’s mind was concerned that he would develop a fever at the sudden and constant shifts in his body temperature. That wouldn’t do. He couldn’t afford for his health to decline. That would be another thing for his father to berate him for.

“Of course. My apologies, father.” Namjoon whispered as he undid the envelope’s fastening. Once he did so, he pulled the paper out with an air of nonchalance. Surely, it must have been another letter from the school to congratulate him on some academic achievement he didn’t even realize existed. However, in his eyes and in the eyes of his father, it was the exact opposite.

 𝑴𝒖𝒈𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒉𝒘𝒂 𝑵𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑨𝒄𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒚 𝑨𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒆 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎 

 𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒆: 𝑲𝒊𝒎, 𝑵𝒂𝒎𝒋𝒐𝒐𝒏 

 𝑴𝒂𝒋𝒐𝒓: 𝑩𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 

𝑴𝒊𝒏𝒐𝒓(𝒔): 𝑩𝒊𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒚, 𝑬𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒉 

 𝑫𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑬𝒙𝒂𝒎: 𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 21 

 𝑺𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒆: 96/100 

 𝑪𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔 𝑹𝒂𝒏𝒌: 2 𝒐𝒇 300

For the first time in a long time, Kim Namjoon’s world fell apart before his very eyes. Suddenly the sturdy and imposing columns holding up the large study appeared to crumble around him. The fire that crackled in the fireplace was reduced to nothing but pathetic cinders. He felt the ground split beneath his feet and his father… His father grew to a monstrous size in comparison to his surroundings, suddenly hunched over his son in preparation to strike.

“This must be some mistake! The results must have gotten mixed up! I-”

“Enough!” Joonho boomed. He swiftly slammed his hand down on his desk, successfully frightening his son into silence. “Only children avoid blaming themselves. I thought I taught you to accept responsibility! How dare you blame your inadequacies on the people who made them apparent?!”

Namjoon clenched his fists tightly in his lap and pushed down the urge to go through on his original plan of plucking his father’s eyeballs out.

“Can’t you see? Whoever graded my exam was clearly incompetent. If they had a brain stem, they would know that I am only capable of producing top-class work! Just like you should not be blamed for one measly employee’s mistake, I should not be blamed for the mistake of someone beneath me!” Namjoon exclaimed. Once he finished his spiel, he found himself standing up, but he didn’t remember willing his muscles to do so.

“This entire conversation is pointless. It’s inefficient at best and mind-numbing at its worst! For someone who values time and money more than his own family, I find it quite curious that you’re willing to waste both so frivolously.”

Now, it was Joonho’s turn to clench his jaw and his fists. Despite the utter disdain he felt for the situation, the patriarch had to admit the merit in his son’s retort. His pride would never let him express the sliver of admiration that stirred within him at Namjoon’s courageous display.

Nobody dared talk back to Kim Joonho. That was the natural order of things.

“Regardless of who’s truly at fault, find this (Y/N) (L/N). She usurped your throne, Namjoon. She deserves to be punished for her transgression.”

“Of course. She’s public enemy number one, but she won’t be number one ever again.”

With that, the young master of the Kim household turned his back on the old master and shut the door to the crypt behind him.

“Aaaaaand now, we’re back after our break!” Your co-host chirped from beside you.

The red on-air sign glowed warmly overhead, creating a sense of coziness and heat in the otherwise cold station. You wrapped your cardigan closer around you before adjusting your mic.

“And we’re about to go into our winter break soon. How fitting!” You posited, trying to match your co-host’s energy.

“That’s right! Mugunghwa exams are finally over, and the scores and ranks have already been updated for some! Care to talk about that, (Y/N)?” Taehyung, your co-host, wiggled his sharp eyebrows in his quest to prod for information.

Normally, his rectangular grin and bright eyes would warm your heart. Today, however, you wanted to punch that devilish smirk right off of him. You should have known that Tae would have suddenly caught wind of your latest academic achievement. He’s the university’s most involved (read: nosiest) student. 

“Not really… But you won’t shut up until I do, so…” You sighed as you spun around in your swivel chair. Once you stopped your cycle, you scooted closer to the microphone and cleared your throat. “I got a 98 on the exam. My professor stopped me after class and told me the news.”

Not that anyone but you and the sound director, Yoongi, would see it, but Taehyung’s impish smile turned into a disappointed pout. “Ah, listen to our (Y/N). Always dodging the important questions. Such a tease!”

You shoved him gently and laughed at his comment before shaking your head. “This guy… To everyone who dreams of dating him, work with him first. You’ll see how much of a horrible person he is.”

“Yah! That’s slander! Aren’t journalists supposed to avoid that?”

“I’ll kick your ass.” You licked your lips and began to answer the original question in further detail. “Yeah, so… Anyway, I got a 98 and I guess that warranted me becoming number one…?”

Both Taehyung and Yoongi’s faces dropped. From his booth, you could see Yoongi grimace and in your peripheral, you saw Tae stiffen.

“Up next is Still With You by our resident golden boy Jeon Jungkook. We’ll be back soon. Stay tuned.” 

Suddenly, the on-air sign was turned off. The song began to play and Taehyung immediately gripped your shoulders.

“You what?!” Taehyung nearly screeched. “(Y/N), do you have any idea what this means?!” “That I took Kim Namjoon’s place and sent the fragile society of Mugunghwa into ruin? Yeah, I do.” Tae blinked for a moment. “No… Although, that does make sense. That seems way more important than what I was gonna say. Huh.”

You were actually going to punch the shit out of him. “Dude, what?”

“Listen, this is your chance! You can finally get recognized as the top-tier person that you are! As long as you were under Kim’s big, goofy shadow, you were going to be pushed aside! Now you can show everyone here how cool you are!”

You felt your throat tighten. That all-too-familiar sensation of a goose egg being lodged in your esophagus rose. You were going to cry. How you desperately wished that you could view the world like Taehyung did. How you longed to see the silver lining of every situation just like he did. All you saw was destruction and despair. All you felt was guilt for damning the entire student body to some cruel fate that only Kim Namjoon could dish out.

“Tae, I love you, but you don’t fucking get it! I’m screwed! We’re all screwed! I broke two of the sacred rules of this school! Kim Namjoon must always be first! I must always be second! I just sentenced everyone to death!”

Taehyung raised a brow, as if what you were saying were the incoherent ramblings of a mad woman. “You describe my cousin like he’s some heinous demon.” Even the usually passive Yoongi had to straighten his spine and widen his eyes at this revelation.

“He’s your cousin?!”

Tae leaned back in his seat with yet another smirk. This time, you couldn’t put a finger on the emotion this specific lift of his lips held. “Isn’t the resemblance obvious? The Kim line has some strong genes. It’s been that way since the Joseon era, I’ve been told.”

Ignoring the historical implications for why such strong genes would still be present thousands of years later (assuming that Taehyung was actually serious), you hurried the conversation along. Jungkook’s silky voice had faded away a while ago, leaving the two of you with little to no time left before it was time to open the floor to callers. This was your last chance to get some useful information about Namjoon before you were dragged into what you knew was going to be a relentless storm of phone calls and incredulous screeches at the news.

Like you had said before, you’d damned everyone. Who wouldn’t want to yell at the person that had the audacity to send an entire population into ruin?

“Get to the point, Taehyung. You’re telling me that you’re related to Satan himself? And I’ve been your co-host for how long?!” You near screeched.

Tae’s ambiguous smirk was now replaced with a blank expression. “I didn’t think it mattered, (Y/N). Why does it even matter now? If there’s a bigger issue here, I think you’re dodging it.”

You froze. He was right. For as long as you knew him, Taehyung had this uncanny ability to pick people apart and leave them vulnerable in an instant. This was especially effective on you, you’ve come to realize. The funny thing was that you hadn’t realized that you were employing tactics to postpone the inevitable inundation of accusatory and furious phone calls being thrown your way. Deep down, you always hated confrontation. Until Taehyung uttered those words, you hadn’t realized how deep that hatred and aversion was ingrained.

“Damn. You’re...good… I guess I am avoiding things. Let’s just get this over with. If we hold it off any longer, things will get worse.” You muttered as you looked towards Yoongi’s booth, motioning for him to put you both back on air.

Taehyung placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and flashed his signature boxy smile. “You don’t even know what they’re going to say. Who knows? News of your latest accomplishment may have brought the (Y/N) (L/N) Official Fanclub out of hiding. I bet that there are going to be several callers professing their undying love for you!”

“Their what now?” You asked dumbly.

Taehyung placed a hand on his heart and slipped into a persona reminiscent of the male protagonist of one the many romance dramas that were plastered on television nowadays. His deep voice rumbled the soundproof padding on the walls and wrapped you in its velvety embrace.

“(Y/N), I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I’ve struggled with these emotions for so long, but news of your success has given me the courage to confess them. I can’t quite make heads or tails of them, but I want to explore them all with you…” Not that anyone but you and Yoongi could see the exchange, but Taehyung gently cupped your chin with his large hand and looked longingly into your eyes. “That is, if you’d let me.”

Silence. Then raucous laughter from you and Taehyung. (Yoongi was visibly cringing in his booth.) You expected nothing less from the theater major, but you couldn’t help the delicate fluttering that began in your stomach. Was this the fabled Taehyung Effect at work? The two of you turned to your microphones and opened the floor to callers, as per usual for this segment of your show. What was highly unusual, however, was the heartfelt “confession” that was unwittingly broadcasted to everyone tuned in. Unbeknownst to everyone, the red on-air sign shone above your heads, serving as a beacon or perhaps an unfortunately ignored warning. A warning that your lighthearted joke wasn’t going to be a joke to some.

A warning that the harbinger of doom himself was listening in… A warning that he had now collected leverage over his new enemy… A warning that he was going to destroy you, even if he had to use his own relative to do it. He would surely add this to his rapidly growing arsenal of schemes.

The next day, the very air at Mugunghwa was different. Somehow, despite being the enigmatic second-place student, everyone instinctively knew to distance themselves from you. Biologically speaking, humans were still animals, despite the staunch separation that was created over time. There was still a basal instinct to survive. In this case, that instinct screamed, “Get away from the brainlet that dared to tip the scales and anger Kim Namjoon.” You didn’t blame anyone for their decision. You couldn’t. You’d be the world’s biggest hypocrite if you did, and you didn’t want “hypocrite” to be engraved on your tombstone next to “cold-blooded killer”.

Everywhere you walked, people watched you intently with eyes filled with either fear, confusion, or disgust. You could hear thinly-veiled whispers as you passed your fellow students. 

“There she is.”

“She’s surprisingly pretty. I expected some ugly broad to be under Namjoon’s shadow.”

Ah, yes. You had forgotten your previously fairly secretive life before the shoe dropped. You were content with living under the radar. After all, it kept the vicious rumors of the poor girl who by hook or crook got her way into an elite university on a full-ride scholarship at bay. As long as you held the number two spot, nobody cared about you. News of your arrival and subsequent theories surrounding it were just a fad that most people shortly moved on from. The drastic and sudden change from peaceful irrelevance to hostile notoriety made you nauseous.

The cold air nipped at your flesh while you made your way to the library. Fresh snow made its satisfying crunching sound as you sped towards your destination. Wait. Sped? Only when you looked down at your feet did you realize that your steps were quicker than usual. Needless to say, you were confused at this revelation. Were things really this bad? Why was your body subconsciously hurrying you along when no danger was immediately present? Then, it hit you: If the Kim Taehyung Effect caused your insides to flutter and your heart melt with glee, the Kim Namjoon Effect caused everyone to cower and hide in pure horror. Maybe it ran in the family. After all, the two were related. How that crucial detail managed to slip past you was beyond human understanding.

Soon enough, you made your way into the campus library. Warmth enveloped you and thawed your chilled skin with each step into the large building. The tall bookshelves that towered over you and the other patrons made you feel safe. The walls of knowledge served as barriers from the predatory glares that were shot your way anywhere else. Here, while not entirely forbidden, hushed insults and remarks were more so. The library was your sanctuary when the dormitories weren’t, and with all the girls and even your RA avoiding you like the plague, it was safe to say that your dorm wasn’t very inviting right now.

Whatever it took, you needed to get your mind off of the Namjoon business. Sitting down in the warm silence served to do just that. You absentmindedly wandered through the various sections of the building. The nutty scent of someone’s morning brew filled your nostrils on your journey, easily putting you at ease in an instant. The rhythmic click-clack of someone's fingers against a computer keyboard kept your body grounded to the Earth. It served as a nice tether and protection from your thoughts that threatened to whisk you away into the stratosphere with every step you took.

Your feet took you past the reference section, the nonfiction section, and even the genealogy section before making its final stop at the fiction section. When you first started college, you found it odd that a library carried such books, but you soon came to realize that an escape into another world was appreciated by everyone. A love for fiction did not have an age limit.

You found yourself engrossed in a high fantasy novel by one Bang Sihyuk. (A very talented author, you decided. You made a note to look into some of his other works when you weren’t staring death in the face.) The sweet sound of yet another page turning and revealing more of the lore slowed your racing heart. The subtle smell of ink and glue softened your muscles, willing them to relax into the plush chair. The floor lamp next to you glowed softly and turned the usually stark clash of pitch black lettering against white pages into a mellow brown against cream parchment.

Even if you knew you had to face the wolves outside your sanctuary eventually, you still savored the solace you had in that moment. What you never considered was that those halcyon days were going to soon fall into utter ruin and despair with a singular human-shaped silhouette.

Everywhere Namjoon went, eyes followed. The air around him crackled with apprehension, but he couldn’t care less if he tried. This was natural. The pitiful prey animals around scrambled away for dear life, functioning solely on the fleeting notion that sticking around would spell their demise. Most of the people here were college students beginning their prime. They couldn’t afford to wither away… Not yet, at least… And certainly not here.

Stifled gasps laced with fear and admiration threatened to strangle the poor Kim heir. How he so desperately wished that they would all shut up! The constant buzzing murmur felt like mosquitoes tiptoeing across his skin during the hot and balmy summer months. It was highly annoying, to say the least.

His piercing mocha eyes landed on a target. A mousy figure was dwarfed by Namjoon’s taller and muscular frame. Pair the size difference with his steely and—arguably murderous—gaze fixed on the piteous male before him, both parties were surprised that the smaller student didn’t go into cardiac arrest.

“I would stay to chat, but I have important business to attend to,” Namjoon began. The timbre of his voice seeped into the small man’s bones and rattled them with each syllable. “You obviously know something, or else you wouldn’t be so pathetically fearful.”

The other male gulped audibly. His dull brown eyes stared into Namjoon’s vibrant cocoa ones. His pupils contracted as a cold sweat formed on his forehead and neck. Deep down, he knew that one wrong move would send him spiraling into horrors unimaginable. This was Kim Namjoon he was dealing with. He only had one chance. 

“I don’t know w-what you’re talking about…” He squeaked.

Namjoon narrowed his eyes with clear annoyance and disgust for the situation and the animal shivering before him. This caused the mousy man to gasp sharply.

“Tell me where (Y/N) (L/N) is. It’s a simple request. Even someone of your calibre should be capable of such a mundane task.” Namjoon stated simply. Disdain bled through his words into his tone and seeped into his prey’s already paper-thin psyche.

With a trembling arm, the rodent (as Namjoon decided to call him) pointed in the direction of the campus library. Of course you would be there. It made his blood boil to think that you’d already be in the library after receiving news of your latest feat. Anyone else would be a fool to risk losing such an honor. Studying was the only way to cement your new station as Mugunghwa’s new number one.

Without so much as a half-assed utter of thanks, Namjoon strode off in the direction of the large building. He was so hyper-focused on cutting you down and ensuring that you wouldn’t be a problem again that the signature thud of a body against snow missed his attention completely. The concerned and shocked gasps of onlookers didn’t affect him either.

Soon enough, he was at his destination. The same book-filled shelves and walls that greeted you greeted him at the entrance. Upon seeing his figure, the librarian at the circulation desk straightened in order to greet Namjoon properly. ‘At least one person here knew their place.’ He thought to himself.

“I’m looking for (Y/N) (L/N). It’d be in your best interest to point me in her direction as quickly as possible, Jimin.” Namjoon stated coolly with a tinge of nonchalance. Although he was painfully aware of the importance his little scouting mission served, his seemingly apathetic tone was the result of having said the same thing over and over like a broken record. The sooner he found you and got you to bend the knee, the sooner he could return home to his own studies.

The librarian, Jimin, nodded and swiftly pointed towards the fiction section. His mug of hazelnut coffee threatened to spill at the sudden and crisp motion. “She went that way, towards the fiction books.” He stated plainly. Namjoon couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his features. Jimin was always such an attentive servant. 

Ever since that little incident before Mugunghwa’s annual recital, the dance major felt a deep sense of allegiance towards the older male. He had to. Namjoon was the only reason Park Jimin was able to continue his dream of becoming a world-class dancer, and it was made abundantly clear that what Kim Namjoon giveth, he can just as easily taketh away. Poor Jimin had no idea why you were being sought out by the most powerful student at the university, but he couldn’t help but suppress the gnawing sensation that he was leading you to a painful end.

Once again, forgoing a thank you, Namjoon began the final stretch of his arduous journey to find you and finally set things right in the world. The only issue was that he had no idea who he was looking for, exactly.

Oddly enough, despite your status, you had managed to keep a low profile. Very few people actually knew what you looked like. Hell, your student profile didn’t even have an image of you posted. In fact, the only way people outside of your direct circle of cohorts started to gather what you looked like was because the web connecting (Y/N) (L/N), radio show host and journalism major and (Y/N) (L/N), former number two was finally starting to weave itself. As far as most of the student body was concerned, you were nothing but a faceless placeholder image against a drab gray background. It wouldn’t have surprised Namjoon if you actually walked around with the words, “NO IMAGE AVAILABLE” permanently marked on your body. What he saw, however, was beyond his own comprehension.

There you were, his enemy, his prey. You sat idly in the large cushioned chair with your book nestled delicately in your hands. For the moment, you were blissfully unaware of the danger that loomed nearby. This was almost too easy. Almost as if your presence unlocked a vault to all his plans to destroy you, you looked at him.

And then his world changed. He almost felt sick at the sudden rush of sensory input his brain was forced to parse through. The previously unsaturated hall roared to life with colors he hadn’t even seen before. Warm browns, reds, and hues of every other name shot into Namjoon’s retinas upon gazing at your graceful form. This was (Y/N) (L/N)? This hidden gem? He was meant to demolish this?

He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. He wouldn’t. For the first time in a long time, Kim Namjoon was rendered speechless. His heart began to beat in double-time. If his biological functions were a musical piece, this specific section’s tempo marking would be prestissimo. Beyond vivace, beyond presto.

He couldn’t take it, so for the first time ever, Kim Namjoon ran away.

You didn’t dare move. Fear wrapped its spindly fingers around your heart and clutched it in its icy grasp. You didn’t have to move your eyes off of the page to see who the shadow cast onto it belonged to. Deep down, you knew. 

Goddamn it.

You just knew.

Just when you gathered the courage to face your doom head on, he was gone.

“What the fuck…?” You whispered. Your fantasy novel fell to the ground on its spine with a soft thud. Was this it? Were you officially losing it? Was stress causing you to hallucinate and see literal shadow people?! That was it.

Not wanting to have a literal breakdown in the middle of the library, you honed your senses in on the now cold-smelling coffee nearby. The faint hazelnut blend managed to at least tether you down to reality once more. You took a deep breath. Everything was now in focus. You had to leave, you decided. So that’s what you did.

If the library’s other patrons noticed the shocked, glazed over look in your eyes, nobody said anything. You had just come in contact with the menace. You were lucky to be alive. There’s no need to add insult to injury by inquiring about your current situation. Wordlessly, you ambled out of the library door. Jimin’s small eyes followed your every movement until you were finally out of his line of sight.

Soon enough, you made it to your dorm room. Oddly enough, it felt like you’d walked through a wormhole and warped to the private space. It appears that moving effortlessly through time and space was an eerily common theme that day. Not wishing to dwell on it any further, you plummeted onto your bed and let a dreamless sleep whisk you away from all your troubles.

A month had passed since your clandestine encounter with Namjoon. Surprisingly enough, after the first week or so of living in terror, the foreboding feeling of doom had all but disappeared. Like a colony of ants rebuilding their anthill after a sudden rainstorm, so too did Mugunghwa National Academy rebuild anew. As Thanksgiving rolled into Christmas, the student body had learned to accept that you were now at the top of the food chain. The status quo had shifted in your favor. Students that would previously mutter curses after you passed by would suddenly wave amicably once they noticed your presence.

While the sudden lack of hostility was appreciated, you couldn’t help but notice how shallow the whole situation was. A faint sense of disgust settled at the pit of your stomach. Or was it foreboding, after all? After your encounter with Namjoon’s shadow at the library, the Kim Industries heir had disappeared suddenly. He had disappeared without a trace. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. His scores were still updated regularly; his name was still in the mouths of every man, woman, and child that walked across campus; and you swore that you saw his tall figure slither like a snake behind buildings and shrubbery one time after class. While there was solid proof that he still (at the very least) resided within this plane of existence, Kim Namjoon had achieved cryptid status. Just a month ago, he was the dark overlord that ruled Mugunghwa with an iron fist. Now, he was merely a relic of the past, a name synonymous with the Boogeyman. Kim Namjoon was now used to scare freshmen like tales of a monster under one’s bed were used to frighten young children.

The truth, like all things are, was much more complicated than that. After he met you, his goddess, at the library, Namjoon spiraled out of control. Nothing was the same for him. At first, it was a fleeting rush of endorphins, he had decided. Perhaps the sense of victory he felt after finding his long lost rival caused his brain to go into overdrive with glee. With that in mind, he returned home to lick his wounds and rewrite his battle plans.

The next day, everything seemed normal enough. His world was in grayscale once more. Individuals who weren’t of direct importance to him retained their distorted, blob-like features. His senses were mostly dulled once again… Until you appeared. You walked across campus with grace that put the supermodels that his father regularly “worked with” to shame. To be honest, they looked like pitiful crows with snapped legs when put up against your stork-like elegance.

His previously unsaturated world regained its color. His heart rate increased, warmth filled his veins as a result. Everything was crisply in focus when it came to you. For the first time in a long time, Kim Namjoon was terrified… But that’s what intrigued him all the more. Once you left his sight, however, the blooming colors vanished. Everything was blurred again. The warmth had died and left him empty, hollow, and cold. After a few days of this occurrence, Namjoon made his biggest realization yet: he was in love with you.

He was quick to write it off as pure lust. After all, remaining at the top didn’t leave much time for him to indulge in more carnal pleasures. Hell, the only thing he could remember slamming on a table on doing all night long was homework, as old and pathetic as the joke was. Namjoon was a dashing, intelligent young man beginning to reach his prime. Abstaining from such a primal and basic need wasn’t good for him. With that in mind, he immediately began his conquest.

First, it started with the models his father would fuck behind his mother’s back. Despite how carefully manufactured their appearances were, they didn’t quench his thirst. In fact, they enraged Namjoon to the point where it wasn’t uncommon for the women to leave his bedroom bruised the next morning. This charade went on for much too long until he’d had enough.

No other woman could set his heart aflame without even trying. No other woman could bring life to his distorted and achromatic world like you could. So he tried a man. Several men, in fact. He got so desperate that not even his little Park Jimin was safe from his ravenous clutches.

Nothing. Nothing had worked.

Now, as the clock struck midnight in his grand bedroom, Namjoon sat in his bed with his hand wrapped around his cock. He’d been so on edge for the longest time, yet nothing he did could stir him. So, he did the only thing he knew how… Thoughts of you filled his mind as he ghosted a finger across his limp member. The warmth he felt was returning once more…

“Namjoon! There you are! I’ve been so lonely… Don’t you know that I’ve missed you?” 

There you were in the Kim manor’s living room. A black silk robe hugged your form perfectly as you bounded over to him. Golden sunlight filtered through the curtains and cast you in its heavenly warm glow. Your (E/C) eyes peered up at him with such admiration, lust, and most importantly, love. Before he could even properly process the scene, you had him enveloped in the warmest hug imaginable.

Namjoon felt a rush of lust and blood shoot straight to his dick.

“I know, darling… But I’m here now. We can be together. I’m all yours from now on.” He replied smoothly.

Namjoon didn’t even think it possible for your eyes to shine any brighter, but they did. And they were all for him. Your eyes, your beautiful eyes, for his eyes only… He gently caressed your cheek, careful not to mark it. The time for leaving marks and bruises would come later on… 

“Really?” You asked. Your entire face lit with hope and wonder. “You mean it? Please don’t tease me, baby~. I don’t know what I’d do if you had to go so soon…” 

You buried yourself into him, as if you knew that your home was within his embrace. He relished in it. He really did…

Namjoon felt feverish. His hands got to work immediately. Visions of you nestled against him, starlit eyes gazing into his, your form undulating beneath him as he pounded into you with everything he had. Your ecstatic moans and gasps filled his ears and mind, creating a carnal symphony only you could compose.

Sweat beaded on his temples, his arms beginning to burn with exhaustion as they continued to bring him to completion. Musical, “I love you, Namjoon”s and “Please! I’m so close, baby! Fuck me!”s began to crescendo rapidly. The world around him went from a gentle warmth to a blazing inferno. Colors reached their maximum saturation. Namjoon’s heart began to beat erratically. This was it. This was it! This is what he needed!

“Yes, (Y/N). You’re so good to me! Take it! Take it!!”

With an animalistic roar, Namjoon shot his seed. It coated his body and even his blanket that he pushed aside in his lustful fever. The fireworks came to a close. His jagged breaths began to even themselves out. The angels stopped singing. He was alone once more… But he wouldn’t be for long.

Tears filled Namjoon’s vision as he looked at his clock. Time wasn’t important anymore… But you were. He was going to have you, and he was going to become number one again. Kim Namjoon was going to be your number one.

Just like that, the year of terror had come and gone. Now, a new year was upon you and another December along with it. You stared up at your dorm room’s ceiling with a dumb smile etched on your face. After all, that was the only expression you could possibly muster, given the circumstances. 

“Damn… What the hell happened to me?” Was all you managed to say as you turned onto your side. Your phone in hand, you scrolled through your photo gallery almost absentmindedly until you reached one particular photo. There you were at a carnival with the Devil incarnate, Kim Namjoon. Your eyes bright with glee at the large plush you held in one arm as you posed with Namjoon for a selfie.

You chuckled and zoomed in on the image with a wistful smirk. While you stared ahead at the camera, Namjoon stared at you with an expression that you didn’t even know that he possessed: pure, unadulterated admiration. You were almost inclined to call it love.

The past year and some change was a whirlwind. Your earliest memory of it consisted of finally coming to terms with the ecosystem at Mugunghwa, only to be faced with Namjoon and your whole world coming down. Students and staff alike scurried away from the dining area, not wanting to be a witness to a crime. You had gained new friends over the course of these months. They simply couldn’t stand to see your last moments on this earth in complete agony.

However, your death never came. Namjoon stood proudly in the now empty cafeteria, as if he relished in the fact that he could clear a room without uttering a single word.

“(Y/N) (L/N). It’s so good to finally put a name to a face… And what a lovely face it is…”

If Namjoon wasn’t going to kill you, the water lodged in your windpipe at his words would. You sputtered, hands waving as you choked on your water. Suddenly, Namjoon came behind you and swiftly patted your back. Once you could breathe again, you wiped at your tear-filled eyes and peered up at him. “I’m sorry… What?”

Namjoon returned to his original position in front of you with a smirk. Pulling out a chair, he sat down with the practiced air of a businessman about to make a deal. “I called you beautiful. I do hope that wasn’t too forward.”

Now, you were suspicious. Satan himself had saved you from choking and was now calling you attractive? Were you dead? Did you imagine Namjoon helping you as a last-ditch effort to survive somehow? Was that the image your brain created as you slipped away into the world of the dead? But this was reality. Something deep down told you that you weren’t dying or dreaming.

“Forgive my skepticism, but I highly doubt that you came to exchange compliments. What do you want, Kim Namjoon?” You asked icily. The male in front of you visibly recoiled at your tone, as if he didn’t factor in the possibility that you could speak with such a tone. He quickly recovered, however, and he began his pitch.

“You’re half right, (Y/N). I didn’t come here to only compliment you, but I came here to have a discussion that is long overdue. At my core, I am a businessman. I make deals, I negotiate. That’s what I’m here to do.” Namjoon stated simply. Looking deeply into his eyes, he didn’t show any signs of insincerity, but that’s to be expected. He’s been trained his entire life to hiding his true intentions behind an amicable facade, regardless of how nefarious his plans may or may not be.

“I see… What is it that you wish to discuss? I’m afraid that I’m not as well-versed in business etiquette as you, so please forgive me for any mistakes or slip-ups that I may make. That being said, this is not an invitation to walk all over me. I may be inexperienced, but I am by no means an idiot.”

Could you be any more perfect for him? A beautiful face and body, poise and grace, and the courage to hold her own in a negotiation? Not to mention, the colors were swirling around you and blooming delicately in such a comforting fashion. He was absolutely smitten.

“I wouldn’t dare make the mistake of calling someone who replaced me as top dog an idiot. Give me some credit. I’m not as vile as the university’s tall tales make me out to be. I’m sure that my cousin, Taehyung, could vouch for me.”

You bristled at the mention of Taehyung. What had he done to him? Did something happen? No, that couldn’t be. You had just finished your show with Tae only a half hour ago. Surely, that isn’t enough time for him to get into any trouble, right?

“Calm down, (Y/N). Nothing’s happened to him. I can see the wheels turning in your head. My cousin is safe and sound. I can even call him up for you, if you don’t believe me.” Namjoon said smoothly, already fishing his phone out of his designer coat’s pocket.

“No, that’s fine…” You swallowed and regained your composure. Once you were calmed down, you returned Namjoon’s gaze. “I’m sure he’s alright. If anything, I’ll call him later. Right now, this is more important.”

Namjoon put his phone away and leaned back in his chair whilst giving a dismissive wave of his hand. Hopefully, the display of nonchalance would mask the sheer excitement and feverish nervousness he felt from being so close to you. Hearing your voice was like hearing the soothing melodies of birdsong in the morning. His heart soared at the mere act of being in your presence.

“Very well. I came here to apologize. You see, I’m well aware of the distress to you and everyone here at Mugunghwa that I’ve caused, and for that, I’m sorry.”

You could have died right there. Kim Namjoon? Apologizing? And apologizing to you, no less?! The infamous heir to Kim Industries, known for the downfall of any and everyone who dared impede his goals was apologizing to you?!

“Please, (Y/N). Forgive me. It’s just that losing to you has put my life into perspective. Yes, I was the head of our class, but what did that mean? Why was I fighting so hard to keep a title that in the long run, means so little? What was the point if I had no one to share it with?”

“What the hell are you getting at, Kim? I fail to see what this has to do with conducting business.”

As precious as you were to him, Namjoon despised your tone. If you were to be his, that sharp tongue would have to be dealt with. Besides, in that instant, you reminded him of his lowlife father. That certainly wouldn’t do. His queen should never adopt the mannerisms of Kim Joonho. Never. Ever. You were to whisper sweet nothings into his ear while he reciprocated. You were to never take such a tone with him ever again.

“I was rambling, so I’ll forgive that insolent remark of yours just this once. Make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Namjoon stated darkly.

Not wanting to push your luck, you relented. You were actually talking to Kim Namjoon. You couldn’t afford to ruin an opportunity like this.

“Right.” He resumed “The truth is that I’ve been watching you for quite some time. Honestly, that’s all I can ever do anymore. You’ve occupied every inch of my mind, and I just wanted to ask if you’d be mine, (Y/N).”

You sat there, slack-jawed. Was he serious?! What was happening?

“You’re joking… There’s no way that you could be serious. There’s no fucking way!”

“I am. I’ve done some soul-searching recently, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you are what I’ve been fighting for all this time. Not a damn class rank. I’ve been fighting for love, affection, understanding… And I believe that I can find all of that in you.”

“You… What…? I- How?”

“February 14, a dozen red roses were waiting for you on your desk in your dorm. With them, was a card addressed to you from a secret admirer. March 14, a diamond necklace was gifted to you for White Day by a secret admirer. And now, these.”

Namjoon produced a stack of envelopes bound by a black silk ribbon from his jacket pocket.

“These are from me. You’re a smart girl, (Y/N). Can you tell me who your secret admirer is?”

That was April. After a few talks with your co-host and having to sit through embarrassing stories of their childhoods, you finally took the leap and went out on a date with Namjoon… And you were the happiest you’ve ever been. The large stuffed animal that Namjoon had won you sat on a bookshelf, next to several other trinkets he had given you over the months you had dated.

You chuckled to yourself at the memory and closed your photos app. After which, you opened up your messaging app to shoot a quick text to Namjoon. That was until, you got a notification reading,

KIM INDUSTRIES CEO, KIM JOONHO FOUND DEAD IN HIS WINTER ESTATE.

Without thinking, you dialed Namjoon’s number and was greeted by a somber moan answering the phone.

“Namjoon, baby, I’m so sorry… I just saw the news.”

A sniff. “Hey. So the news outlets already published the story, huh? I should have known that it wouldn’t take long… They could at least have the common decency of letting his corpse grow cold first before they publicize it.” Namjoon chuckled humorlessly.

You didn’t know what to say. You couldn’t imagine going through the sudden shock of losing your parent, only to deal with the press soon afterward. You sensed that Namjoon needed some time to himself to grieve, and you were more than willing to give it to him.

“Yeah, it’s shitty what they’re doing. And to think that I’m going into that profession. It’s crazy.”

“It is what it is, (Y/N). Besides, I have faith that you’ll be one of the good journalists that don’t try to weave everything that they hear into lies and defamation.” He said earnestly.

Something about the way Namjoon spoke was unnerving. He didn’t sound like someone who was mourning their late father, but then again, he might have been in shock. His apathetic demeanor on the matter must have been a coping mechanism. After all, losing your father so suddenly is a lot to process.

All you could do is hum in response. “I’m glad you think so.”

“I know so, dear.”

A pregnant pause.

“Hey, (Y/N). I know this sounds horribly insensitive, but, can we still have our dinner date at my mansion? It’s just that I can’t bear to be alone right now, and you’re the only person I’ve been able to trust lately. It doesn’t have to be a date. I guess I just want you to come over.”

Your heart shattered into smithereens. He was alone and scared. Namjoon had no one to trust or turn to in his time of need, yet he found it within his heart to ask you. Who were you to refuse?

“Alright. I’ll go. Same time?”

He didn’t have to say a word, but you could hear his dimpled smile some out to play.

“Y-yes, yes, of course! Same time! Thank you so much, (Y/N). You don’t know how much this means to me. I’ll see you in a couple of hours.”

“Alright, see you soon. Bye.”

You hung up the phone with a sigh and faced your closet. You had exactly two hours to get ready for dinner. You had two hours to prepare…

And so did Namjoon.

Once again, Namjoon was summoned to his father’s study. He was expecting it sooner or later. His class rank hadn’t improved since his father sent him to take his top spot back by any means necessary, but you were number one now. Namjoon wouldn’t dare dethrone his goddess from her rightful pedestal.

What he wasn’t expecting, however, was upon opening the large doors a swift slap coming across his face.

“You useless, useless brat! You can’t even eliminate a simple girl?! You can’t even reclaim your title?! How am I supposed to leave my estate and company in such incapable hands?!”

Joonho was fuming. His once pride and joy had betrayed him and disappointed him. How dare he? Namjoon sat on the floor, gingerly rubbing his cheek. He was sure his father’s handprint was burned into his flesh.

“I swear, you’re incompetent just like your brother! He disappointed me, and look at where he is now! I should have known that it was too good to be true.”

At the mention of his brother, Namjoon’s body stiffened.

“All of this. You’re ruining your life and your career all for some girl?! You’re willing to throw away what I’ve essentially bred you for, all for some lowlife pussy?!”

At the mention of you, Namjoon began to see red.

“I suppose I’ve been too lenient on you. I should have known that you would flounder. Maybe I’ll get rid of (Y/N) myself. It’s clear that she means a lot to you. Maybe you’ll get back in line once she perishes.”

That was the final straw. With pure rage fueling his every cell, Namjoon sprinted over to his father’s desk and grabbed his letter opener.

“Say it again, bastard! Say it again!”

Now, Joonho’s figure was dissolving into a crimson blob. All of his human like features were gone in a furious red haze. Kim Joonho wasn’t his father anymore. He wasn’t even human. 

He was the enemy.

Without giving his father a chance to speak, Namjoon plunged the letter opener into the older man’s eye sockets. After that, it was a blur. Hours had seemingly passed and Kim Joonho was nothing but a human pincushion. Stab wounds littered his body, and blood was oozing out of every one. With a satisfied grin, Namjoon stood and cupped a crimson hand to his face.

“Seokjin! Seokjin! Come down here!”

The head butler rushed in the study and into the carnage. The older male was mortified at the bloodbath before him, but he couldn’t help the relieved smile and tears of joy forming in his tear ducts.

“Brother, come help me clean up father. Unless, of course, you have some words for him?”

Seokjin carefully approached his father’s corpse and smiled wickedly. He placed a gloved hand on his eyeless face.

“You’ve disappointed me, Joonho. And now look where that’s brought you. My transgressions against you warranted that I were to be stripped of my place in the world as your son, only to become your servant. Your transgressions warranted your death at the hands of your prodigy. Isn’t that poetic justice? Sleep well, father.”

“Master Namjoon will be down in a moment.” A maid stated as she had you seated.

A white cloth napkin was folded and placed on your lap while you got comfortable in the antique dining chair. Staff hurried to and fro to finish preparing for your meal, and it was almost amusing seeing them rush around like busy worker bees instead of the esteemed staff of the Kim Manor.

A few moments ticked away before Namjoon made his appearance. He was elegantly clad in a designer Armani suit, giving a regal and princely appearance as he made his way over to you from the grand foyer.

“Please forgive me, dear. I had some business to attend to.”

Namjoon outstretched his arms, motioning for you to give him a hug. You happily obliged.

“Namjoon! There you are! I’ve been so lonely… Don’t you know that I’ve missed you?” You cheekily giggled. If you ignored the whole dead dad situation, the whole scene would appear wholesomely domestic. You decided to indulge in that notion.

Namjoon’s breath hitched.

“I’m sorry that I’ve kept you waiting. I hope that we can make up for lost time during dinner, yeah?”

You nodded and sat down in your chair. Namjoon was seated right beside you. As if on cue, the staff brought in your dishes. A classic Christmas dinner, consisting of turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, ham, and vegetables was placed in front of you. On a small dish nearby, some cranberry jelly sat. You tried to hide the grimace at the red jelly. You were by no means a fan of the garnish, but you didn’t want to appear picky or ungrateful, especially considering the reason why you were having dinner with Namjoon in the first place.

Ever the attentive partner, Namjoon was keen on noticing your inner turmoil. “Is something not to your liking?”

“Uh, it’s just… I don’t really like cranberry jelly… That’s all.”

Namjoon looked utterly dumbfounded before letting out a joyful, booming laugh. “That’s all? Oh, (Y/N). You had me worried! I thought that I’d ruined the whole meal for you!”

His fork stabbed into a piece of turkey and he dipped the meat into the red gelatin.

“But, please do try the jelly. My brother and I, we made it for this occasion. I promise it’s nothing like the canned slop they sell in grocery stores.”

Namjoon made this? Now, this you had to try.

“Alright. Since you went through the effort of making it, I’ll give it a shot.”

You copied Namjoon’s actions of taking a slice of turkey and dipping it in the cranberry jelly. With the expression of a chef on Chopped, Namjoon eagerly watched as you placed the food in your mouth.

“Mmm! This is delicious! Namjoon, you should sell this! This is amazing!”

Another laugh came from Namjoon, although, this one had an arguably maniacal lilt. “Why, thank you, but I’m afraid that this specific batch is one of a kind. Besides, cranberry jelly isn’t the most profitable market out there.”

Little did you know that you had just ingested Kim Joonho’s coagulated blood. Perhaps that was why his cranberry jelly was one of a kind.

Merry Christmas.

[theramseyloft]

3/12/21 Loft Notes

My idiot son thought he would challenge the shop vac today over it getting to go into quarantine when he can't.

He tried to bite what he considered its face.

Patron: "And what did he consider its face?"

The nozzle I was sucking up dried Bird-Bird hallway poos with.

Patron: "w....while it was on or"

I was using it at the time, yes.

It went predictably.

It's too narrow to suck his head all the way in, but he did snatch away from it and run.

Nothing injured, no worries.

Ooh!

IQ just received Rogue's sample!

So, I should know their sex Tuesday or Thursday. (2-4 work days...)

Patron: "what are you hoping for cock or hen?"

Just to know.

I have people on the wait list for therapy cocks and hens, if they pass.

If they wash, but are friendly, I have people on the list for companion birds of either sex.

And if they prefer other birds, I have some one on the breeders list for Spread.

So, no matter what sex or temperament Rogue turns out to be, there is a home lined up.

Bluh... I am just... Worn to the bone exhausted.

Ok.

Got all the inside stuff done, and need to stop for lunch.

It feels like I'm just running so far below empty...

Patron: "God I feel you, but you can do it! Get help if you need to, you don’t have to do it all yourself (hopefully)"

Bless you for the sentiment, but I do.

Got food in me again. Hopefully, that helps.

No pip marks yet on the bator egg.

Need to ask you guys a favor from now on.

If y'all see me online on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, doing anything but taking loft notes here...

Ask me if I am done in the loft.

My executive function is so garbage that it functions like a tower of blocks that I have to manually stack at the beginning of every day.  

Especially if I'm low on spoons, doing anything other than what manually needs to be done for the birds in the morning forces another block in at the base of the stack, and the whole thing topples.  

It can take me hours to restack it, and I cannot move until it's restacked.

Thank you.  

I have restacked that damn thing four times today, I am just getting started with work in the actual loft, only the inside birds have been fed.

I'm kind of a mess, nothing is fixing it, and I keep being magnetically drawn to my phone for any hope of a dopamine boost.

My brain is fried, and I just need to keep moving until I can stop.

Rogue is up and mobile, so I need to start harness work for them SOON!!!

Patron: "what is rogue looking like? i tried to look up a pic earlier and only see a hatch day pic"

Yeah, I have over w eek of media backlogged because I just... Have had no time.

Black with white flights.

Between prep for travel Monday, some family crap that broke out that night and only allowed me two hours of sleep, travel on Tuesday, server drama that night, literally collapsing from exhaustion, having to get up and clean the loft Wednesday, and car shopping on Thursday...

The only time I have had to myself was spent sleeping.  

I have not even had time to post any of the photos I have taken.

I am dead on my freaking feet.

And yeah, Rogue is Leonard's.

He's the only spread cock, and he appears homozygous.

Ginger is Ash Red. Unless he carries blue or brown, all babies out of him will be ash red.

Chiffon is also spread, but they're heterozygous, not yet sexually mature, and likely a hen.

Angel is getting the hang of hands being the interaction bits, and has discovered that there are no unpleasant consequences for biting those.

He seems to feel better now that he knows what part of me he can lodge complaints with and engage for play fights.

He is absolutely fascinated by the bucket of seeds with character that I have cleaned off the floor.

Birds are getting a little treat today!

It's nice out.

I'mma fill them a bath.

They have been trying to bathe in their water dish for weeks now.

Betty and Liang's egg was fertile, but died two days or so into development.

Which means she can be safely separated as soon as some one wants her.

God bless that salt and mineral brick absorbing moisture from the air.

The sand has been SO easy to clean!

Note to self, check Satin's fan and Sprinks' underfluffies and see if they need their breeding trims renewed...

Oh!  I should probably check Farthing's underfluffies too.

Some one tread or attempted to, but I couldn't see who.

Weeeell fuck me runnin'...

Couture has a crest.

Sprinks doesn't cary a crest.

Satin is half Danzig, so he does, but if his were dominant, or partially dominant, he would express it.

The Komorner crest is partially a hood, much the way an Old Dutch Capuchin's is.

That's a combination of the Shell Crest (recessive) and a hood modifier (which appears partially dominant, if Papillion and Cookie are anything to go on.

Cotoure maaaay be another Vito child...

Which would also explain their very small size.

A child out of Satin and Sprinks should be HUGE!

Like, just-under-Lucy big.

The Lahore pattern, I believe, is a combination of bald head and capped.

So, throw in another bald head, and the cap separates out.

So, Vito has been a GREAT investment for loft diversity!

Hopefully, his kids inherit his fertility and not so much his bastard. XD

He's been a great nest partner to Leela (who may also need her underfluffies trimmed)

I'd really like to see what he is like on peeps before he retires for his slutty, slutty crimes.

Betty tops the retirement list right now for having a sexually mature daughter and granddaughter, and a second granddaughter out of another son.

WAY too much temptation for a boy who loves girls shaped like Hagrid.

Luxie tops the hen list for being Luxie.

Liang is retired already.  Now that MJ is mom-ing like she should, she's lower on the list.

Presently, Vito is after Betty on the retirement list for slutty bastard crimes. XD

Good lord, the little black pied peeps are taking flying hops!

There are vids up on insta of the bath, and of Leonard feeding his peeps.

Patron: "Oh my god if that's another Vito kid"

"did you ever catch Sprinks interested in him"

Nope!

Angel is a very funny man. He was wooing my feet, and when I told him that, he charged in and bit my toe. XD

And then pooed the one patch of sand I had cleaned. XD

Danica may be getting ready to lay tonight.

Danica may be getting ready to lay tonight.

In the box she and Ginger had wanted before Satin and Sprinks had to come in.

Farthing and Leela just got their underfluffies trimmed.

Angel, caught in the act, eating garbage.

He just got more dumped on him, shook it off, and went right back to rummaging for treats.

Has made not move one to leave.

Now he is on my shoulder, complaining about me repeatedly interrupting him by dumping in more.

Thistle just tread Mj, despite Pippin's cock blocking efforts.

Holding Nettle is apparently a crime.

Angel bit my ear for it and got tossed off my shoulder.

Now he's back, complaining about it.

She loafed in my lap after fighting me the whole way through putting Nettle down.

Angel does NOT think I am engaging him enough.

Since biting isn't working, he is now pooping where I have just cleaned.

I don't like the way Ginger is breathing.

He's been fine up to this point...

And it could just be from being really active this evening...

But he isn't the only bird who was and none of the rest are panting like that.

Man, it would SUCK for Nica to lay and then me to have to bring him in...

But the way his chest is pumping, and he keeps flexing his beak hinge really worries me.

Hopefully, some one else lays near enough to Nica that I can swap her eggs over.

Or he's just gotten a feather or something stuck in his choanal slit.

Ok.  I think is is something stuck.

He hasn't done the uncomfortable yawn or swallow.

Just flexed his beak a lot and itched at the corners of his mouth.

It looks like he's dislodged it and is breathing normally.

Y'all have NO idea how paranoid I am about Trich!

Mm.. that looked like an uncomfortable yawn and more heavy breathing.

Gonna grab him once I finish up the sand.

God damnit... Lot of mucus...

Maybe something stuck?  Can't tell...

I'm tired, and don't want to accidentally hurt him..

I also don't want to risk putting Danica in a dangerous position when she's about to lay.

Her bastard ex could kill her by forcing her into another stress lay.

I may have a solution.

Need to run to get it set up, though.

Ok, on our way to Walmart to grab a kennel.

The only place open didn't have the size kennel I wanted, but they had a pet taxi big enough.

The egg due to hatch today was rotten.

[marvinhasadhd]

Okay, so I got my prescription about two weeks ago and since then I have already tried Ritalin a few times.

I started with half a pill (so 5mg) and didn’t feel anything. My doctor advised me to do my next attempt on the next day, but I am chronically bad at listening to medical professionals, so I tried a whole pill (or 10mg) on the afternoon of the same day I tried the first one.

I decided to take it, because our work had been cancelled (I currently work as a security at events which are hosted by our city) and so someone had to wait until the security who worked the night shift arrived. I really need the money, so I volunteered to sit around for a few hours and I decided to take the full pill and try reading for a bit, as thats something where I often struggle with being inattentive and getting distracted by just about everything.

And it kinda helped. I just sat down and read for over an hour without looking at my phone or getting distracted in any other way. I used to read a lot as a child, but since the age of 12-13 I slowly stopped reading as much because I could rarely ever focus on the book for longer times, so reading became a bit frustrating, as I now took days, weeks or sometimes even months to finish books which would have taken me hours when I was younger (one of my biggest achievements as a child was that I finished the whole HarryPotter-Series in just one weekend).

So yeah, that was a nice experience. I tried it again two days later, as I wanted to try studying for university, but this time I tried 1,5 pills (so 15mg) and I didn’t feel much difference to the 10mg. I still couldn’t quite focus on the stuff I had to learn and I kept getting distracted by things around me, especially by the clutter on my desk. I really felt the need to do something about that and so I cleaned my desk. And once my desk was finally free of everything that didn‘t belong there, I cleaned the floor, the kitchen, the bathroom, I did my laundry and I collected all the cat toys and also cleaned all the places my cats like to hang out in of their hair. Once that was done, I tried to learn again and I noticed that I could focus a bit better, but most importantly I noticed that I just managed to keep my focus on doing a cleaning of the whole flat without making any breaks to watch youtube or check twitter or anything. I didn’t even think about my phone, while I did all that. That was kinda crazy, as just about everyone who knows me would describe me as a perfect example of a smartphone-addicted person.

The next day, I tried to learn again and I took two whole pills (aka 20mg or the maximum dosis my doctor allowed me to do before I visit her again) and I noticed that while I could actually focus better, I would also focus very strongly on anything that distracted me. I found one of my cats toys (a self-made mouse) had been ripped and while I was already trying to focus on learning, I just had to get my sewing kit and repair the mouse before I could even think about anything else. So my focus became much better, but also I would focus very strongly on any possible distraction.

The next day my girlfriend arrived and so I didn‘t take Ritalin for a few days, as I know that she isnt too big of a fan of it (that one Netflix-documentary apparently made Ritalin seem like its pure crystal meth) and also I think I shouldn’t need stimulants to be able to focus on my girlfriend. I love her and I always try to give her my fullest attention, so I let the pills in my medicine-cabinet.

Once she was gone again (she has a summer-job in another state, so we only see each other for a few days each week), I tried studying again and so I took two pills in the morning, cleaned my whole learning environment before the effects kicked in and then I actually was able to focus nicely on cell-biology. And ya know, what can I say about that except „The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell“?

Later that day, when the effects already had worn off, I noticed that I also experienced the so-called rebound effect (=symptoms being a bit stronger than usual once the effects of the medication wore off), but as I wanted to continue studying, I decided to take two more pills. So I went to the bathroom, took one, noticed that I had to clean the cat-toilet, cleaned it, forgot that I had already taken one and took two. So I was at 3 whole pills or 30mg of Methylphenidate, which was 1,5 times the maximum dose my doctor told me to take. And then I remembered that I had made plans with a friend to come over and catch up, as we hadn’t seen each other since the whole pandemic started.

So yeah, once he arrived two hours after my accidental intake of 3 pills, I was really focused on what he said and I must say, I felt a mental clarity I usually never felt in normal situations. I also felt a bit more energetic than usual and I experienced the suppressed appetite (which apparently is a rather common side-effect) much stronger than I did with lower doses. Besides that my head felt very warm and I noticed that my pulse was much stronger, so I put on my old smart-watch, just so I could regularly check my pulse (it was constantly over 90, when my usual average it between 60 and 70). Also I told him about my medication and the dosage I had taken, so if I experienced anything bad (the high pulse made me a bit anxious about that) he could inform a doctor. But yeah, nothing bad happened and for two hours we just talked about a lot of things and I just really listened to what he said, which was nice, as I‘m someone who often gets lost in thought while people talk to me, and being able to focus on what he said without getting distracted made me feel like I managed to be a better friend than I‘m usually am.

But nothing lasts forever and so once the effects wore off (took about 4,5 hours) I really couldn’t focus on stuff and I really felt the effects come back much stronger than they usually are. Luckily he is a pretty understanding dude, so he suggested that we just cook until I felt a bit better, which was quite nice, as my appetite also came back and I remembered that I hadn’t eaten anything that day. So we cooked and just played with the cats until I felt a bit better. I noticed that playing with the cats made me quite a bit calmer - maybe it’s the dopamine-boost my tiny fluffy boys give me, or maybe I just overinterpret something. Idk.

(Short break. I know, this post is already pretty long and as it’s about ADHD, I assume that some people reading this also have it. If you managed to read this that far, I‘m really amazed and I really thank you for your attention. Also I made this another text-style, so if you want to take a short break, you could find this spot easier. If you have any tips on how to write so that it’s more suitable for ADHDers to read, please feel free to send me a message, as I would really like it, if I could improve my writing so that my posts are easier to read for other people. Also I promise that this post will be finished soon.)

Okay, so lets continue: once the friend was gone, I washed the dishes, cuddled the cats and went to sleep. Or at least I tried to do so. I just couldn’t fall asleep. It was really impossible for me to close my eyes without having my brain full of thoughts that would keep me awake. I tried to put in calming music, as that helped me to fall asleep back when I was in school, but that didn’t work. I tried to make myself a nice sleeping-environment by putting on nice sounds to pretend that I‘m on the Hogwarts express (I used ambient-mixer for that) and lit small fairy lights, but that also didn’t help. I tried to do a brain-dump and wrote down all the thoughts that kept me awake, but that also didn’t help much. I tried to read all these thoughts out to my cats and talk about all the feelings I had that were linked to the thoughts, but that also didn’t help. (Also the cats kinda decided to run around and play catch after I talked to them for a few minutes. I think they have about the same attention span as I do). At about 5:30 in the morning my girlfriend texted me because she just got up to go to work and I was still awake to answer her. So yeah, at about 6 in the morning I fell into a very light sleep and I can tell you, working a 7 hour shift after that wasn’t fun. So a nice advice of mine: don’t do a higher dose than your doctor allowed you at 6 in the afternoon. Or generally. Listen to your doctors, chances are they know what they are talking about.

And here’s finally the last experience I wanna write about: Today I woke up at 8 and decided that I will use my day productively to learn. So ensured that my desk and everything around it was nice and clean and then I took two pills. And guess what. Now it’s half past 10 and I spent the last 1,5 hours focusing really intensely on writing a tumblr-post about my experiences with Ritalin because I remembered that I wanted to write such a post and I couldn’t focus on anything else while I had this thought. So yeah. Overall I really like the effects it has on me, as I didn’t experience any bad side-effects by now and it really helps me focus, but now I also know that maybe I should make a check-list of things I want to have done before I take it, as these things could be mayor distractions down the line.

I hope these reports could be interesting or helpful to someone out there, but always remember: the experiences of different people can vary vastly, so always remember that such meds can have very different effects on you or people you know. Always consult a doctor or pharmacist if you have medical questions and always remember that taking meds or not doing so is both completely valid, as long as it fits for you.

If you made it this far, I really wanna thank you for taking the time and focus to read this and I hope you found it to be at least somewhat interesting. Feel free to text me if you want to talk about your own experiences, ask questions, give criticism on the way I write or just ask for pictures of my cats. I hope you have a really nice day and yeah. I‘ll post again once something post-worthy happens or a topic which I think to be deserving of a post comes to my mind.

[brightlotusmoon]

Maybe its silly but a lot of times I use my cats to motivate me to take better care of myself. Like, the cats are happier to have a clean environment that's not stinky so I'll be motivated to clean. If I have more energy I can play with them more! My cats love me and want me to be happy, so I can try to love myself for them.

It's not silly at all, it's powerful. I know my cats need me and I push myself to help them.

An interesting thing - a friend was recently helping me with my psychological issues as I was helping her and she said something that struck hard: "You love and care for your cats so much but you neglect your own self" to which I instantly replied without thinking, "Because I respect my cats more than I respect myself." And we just looked at each other.

I will give love and gifts and reassuring words to everyone. But for myself, all I do is analyze: I find flaws and faults and dig them out to see how they work either for me or against me. That friend is bothered when I talk too much about the cerebral palsy effects because she's seen it all over 21 years. One night I noticed that I could engage a muscle group that I normally can't feel and I kept asking if anyone could see it from the outside. She was happy to assist by showing her own exercises to engage muscles, but as the night wore on she pointed out that I kept repeating myself, getting too excited, and that I needed to stop overanalyzing and just Let Go, just let my body do its thing without getting anxious. I have this inability to let myself go or be in a moment because I'm too caught up in tiny details and what if worries. She, and her husband, kept encouraging me to let go, stop over thinking, just dance and flow. It's funny, I write fictional characters telling each other to do just that. But I acknowledge the hypocrite in me. I cling to what I think I can't do. My friends suggested I start telling myself what I think I can do rather than what I might not be able to do. Like the little engine that could.

"I don't think I can do this" "I probably can't"

versus

"I think I can do this but I'll have to modify myself" and "Even if I can't actually do this, I tried in my own way" and "This just means I can't do it without a lot of personalized modifications"

Like certain standard exercise routines. Because of how my musculoskeletal structure is twisted and poorly developed, I can never do lunges, squats, yoga poses, and certain stretches. However, there are always similar moves, because that's the point of exercising. I can never be a dancer, but there are dance moves I might be able to work with that can incorporate the combination cerebral palsy and hypermobility.

Hell, I met a guy with very mild presentation of spastic cerebral palsy, milder than me, who was a personal trainer at a gym. Now that's motivation.

Thus, circling back to the main point, thanks ADHD, our relationships with our pets, family members who need us to care for their needs, is vital to motivate us when we're unwell, dysfunctional. They need us. They trust us. If we have a goal that needs doing - giving them food and cleaning their litter boxes - we're much more likely to realize how much power we often have over the aftereffects of dysfunction: the footprints of brain weasels, the effects of mental illness, the loud static of chronic pain. Just getting up and moving is something powerful. A loving cat speaking to us in its own language (or dog, or other critter) boosts dopamine and serotonin.

[jaime-leeunsw-blog]

Practice Led Research: Photography Tour Group

This mindfulness experiment activity involves a group of people walking around together in nature, and taking photos of the various sights they see. After walking around for a certain period of time (around 30mins), the group reassembles to exchange photos and talk to each other about their work.

Photography Tour Group Brief:

Therapeutic photography involves taking, analyzing and using photos for the purpose of personal healing, growth, or understanding, whether done consciously or unconsciously. By actively constructing, exploring and reflecting on photographs by pairing it with creative writing, you are able to learn more about yourself and how you see the world. Photography can be a form of mindfulness (or present state awareness), similar to meditation, which is proven to help people suffering from depression and anxiety.  Often when you’re taking photos, you can find yourself in “flow”, which brings many health benefits similar to meditation like calming the mind and providing relief from stress. People are using therapeutic photography techniques to help themselves and others overcome depression, anxiety, chronic pain and much more.

With this in mind, students are invited to bring their phones, go-pros or any device capable of taking photographs and join our tour groups of students to take a walk around nature and appreciate the fresh air. One of the most well-known coping techniques for anxiety and stress is to stop what you are doing and take a walk outside. By bringing a device that is capable of taking photos, students are encouraged to stop and look at the details in the beautiful natural environment, putting their stresses into perspective. At the end of the exercise, students are encouraged to swap and share photos with their group. By sharing your photographs and getting positive feedback from others can help you continue to build confidence and become empowered, which can help you become more comfortable expressing your opinion, thoughts, and story with others. A 2014 study found that those who took part in creating visual art had a significant increase in psychological resiliency. The neurotransmitter dopamine can be increased through this process, which can be lacking in those suffering from depression and has been found to immediately start to help prevent depressive-like behaviors. Our little tour groups, which run every hour, bring students together to get them moving outside at their own pace, and form connections with other people. 

Photography Tour Group Specifications:

Location: Central Coast, NSW (various locations)

Time: 11am

Date: 20/10/18

Participants: 4

Reviews of the Tour Group Activity:

Person One:

Was this your first-time taking photos in nature with a group of people?

I take photos all the time, just on my phone but I still really enjoy taking photos of nature. I normally do it by myself though. I have never taken photos as a group activity before and don’t normally share the photos I take with friends or family.

 How did you find the experience? Was it calming?

I really loved doing this. I haven’t set time aside to just take photos before, so it was quite cool. I enjoyed being with other people and being able to talk and exchanging photos at the end. It ended up being a lot calmer then I originally expected, especially by the end I felt totally relaxed. Being out of my own head and not worrying about the daily struggles of life for a bit was really nice.

 How did you feel after the activity?

I felt really relaxed. My brain was kind of blank for a while when I was first coming out of it.

 Was it easy to do?

Incredibly easy.

 Is it something you would prefer to do on your own or in a group?

Its something that I could do on my own, but I really enjoyed doing it in a group. Being able to interact with other people and share photos was a good highlight.

  Person Two:

Was this your first-time taking photos in nature with a group of people?

I love photography, so I take photos particularly outside all the time. I have never experienced doing it in a group before, but it was a lot of fun.

 How did you find the experience? Was it calming?

It was a lot more fun then I expected. I normally just love doing these activities by myself, but sharing the photos at the end and talking about them was a real confidence boost.

 Was it easy to do?

Because its just taking photos which I do all the time anyway, it wasn’t only easy but enjoyable.

How did you feel after the activity?

Actually pretty calm. Taking photos of insects I was really focused and kept wanting to do more.

Is it something you would prefer to do on your own or in a group?

I still enjoy my solo photography, but doing it in a group was quite enjoyable as well.

  Person Three:

Was this your first-time taking photos in nature with a group of people?

I don’t actively go out with my friends to take photos, but I take photos outside all the time with my friends.

 How did you find the experience? Was it calming?

It was great.

How did you feel after the activity?

Pretty good.

Was it easy to do?

Just like any normal day.

 Is it something you would prefer to do on your own or in a group?

I don’t think id actively get together with a group of people. Like ask my friends to go out and take photos with me, but I do enjoy going out and taking photos and if there was an opportunity to go out with a group of people and take photos I’d be interested.

  Person Four:

Was this your first-time taking photos in nature with a group of people?

Yes it was. I don’t really take photos very much. I am more a painter and drawer.

 How did you find the experience? Was it calming?

I really enjoyed taking photos outside. I kept to myself for most of the experience but sharing photos at the end was really nice.

How did you feel after the activity?

I felt really relaxed. My brain was kind of blank for a while when I was first coming out of it.

Was it easy to do?

Very easy. I just took photos on my phone and didn’t have to bring anything with me at all.

 Is it something you would prefer to do on your own or in a group?

Originally I would of said individually, however I enjoyed sharing photos at the end so even if I didn’t meet with a group of people I might enjoy sharing my work online.

[addictionrelief21]

Why Caffeine is So Addicting

What makes coffee, sodas and chocolates so addicting knowing to much of these stuffs are actually bad for our health but we cannot control ourselves asking for more?

A caffeine is a plant-based alkaloid that stimulates the central nervous system and is being considered as Caffeine Addiction Help a psychoactive drug which means that it crosses the blood-brain barrier and alters how the brain function including mood, perception, consciousness, cognition and behavior. Caffeine is actually in the same family with morphine, cocaine and nicotine with the same white powdery form after being reduced to its natural state. It is actually bitter in taste that is why many softdrinks company tends to put large amount of sugar in their beverages to make it sweeter and delectable thus could result to obesity and diabetes. However, caffeine is not included in the list of controlled substance since it is considered "relatively harmless". With this, no doubt, it is the most widely used drug around the world being 90% consumed daily and 400 million cups a day in the US alone is being made. But what is the main reason why people are so hooked to caffeine? Just like heroin, it manipulates the dopamine production which activates the "pleasure center" in the brain that provides our body that boost that makes you feel good about yourself and gives you the temporary "high". However, contrary to the popular belief, caffeine does not produce energy in our body, the temporary spike of vitality is actually the result of the addiction that you are having from taking too much of the drug.

However, too much of everything is bad how "relatively harmless" it may be. We ourselves can observe that after 2-3 cups of coffee, our heart rate starts to increase and constriction of blood vessels occurs especially in the brain and it blocks the adenosine's ability to slow the nerve which explains why a person stays alert and active. In connection to this, caffeine significantly increases the intraocular pressure while at the same time decreasing the microcirculation of our eye. Similar to what is happening in the brain, caffeine generally constricts the vessels, limiting the delivery of oxygen and vital nutrients to the eye. Moreover, the diuretic effects of caffeine can make the eye so dry that wearing contact lenses becomes impossible and dangerous. With all of these, I was even more astounded when I found out that the innocent caffeine we all love is attached to so many diseases like heart attack, osteoporosis, menopausal symptoms, depression, PMS, fibrocystic diseases, miscarriages, spontaneous abortions and malformation of fetuses. Furthermore, it can also contribute to a number of deficiencies like B vitamins, calcium, iron, magnesium, potassium and zinc. Also, since caffeine affects the digestive process, B12 cannot be manufactured in our body which could result to Pernicious Anemia. Caffeine also neutralizes our HCL, contributing to a number of other digestive disorders as well. With all of these, the worst is yet to come as in the case of detoxifying the different substances and toxins in our body, our friendly kidney's main job is by trying to get rid of the caffeine molecule which however is quickly reabsorbed into our bloodstream before it even reaches the urinary tract placing the entire burden on our overworked liver.

It's nice to have some coffee, chocolate, soda, tea and coffee-flavored ice cream once in a while and there is nothing wrong with that; however, people should also know how to have self control with all the food that they are storing inside their body and never abuse our precious organs with all these harmful toxins just for the sake of satisfying our taste buds because believe me, with all these diseases, I don't think it is even worth the risk.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 06/02/2021 (Fredo’s Money Can’t Buy Happiness)

This is an odd, scattered week - a slow one thankfully for the day after my birthday - but we do have a bigger album bomb than I expected from Fredo, even if “drivers license” is still at #1 for a fourth week, blocking EDM remixes of sea shanties because of course, it’s the UK after all. Let’s just get back into REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Now, I predicted last week that Fredo would have two songs debut high up on the chart from his most recent album, Money Can’t Buy Happiness, and the pre-release single “Back to Basics” would rise to the top 10. That didn’t exactly happen, as “Back to Basics” actually dropped out of the chart off of the debut for being one of the lowest-performing Fredo tracks, or at least less successful than the three songs that debuted, as that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows. Speaking of drop-outs from the UK Top 75, they’re all mostly inconsequential, made up of recent debuts like “Wellerman” by the Longest Johns and “Bad Boy” by the late Juice WRLD and Young Thug. In terms of notable drop-offs, we do have some arguably premature falls for minor hits, like “champagne problems” by Taylor Swift, “Body” by Megan Thee Stallion, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco, and, finally, “Diamonds” by Sam Smith. This is a slow week outside of the top 40, so we just have some spare oddities to cover outside of the drop-outs. For our fallers, we have “34+35” by Ariana Grande fading its remix boost at #14, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #30, “SO DONE” by The Kid Yaoi at #52, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #54, “Lo Vas A Olvidar” by Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA at #64 off of the debut and a couple real crashes at the tail-end of the top 75, those being “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #71, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #72, “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone featuring Chip at #73 and “Dynamite” by BTS at #75. This may explain the otherwise inexplicable returns for songs that are always clinging onto the back half of the chart, like “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #74, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #70 and, incredibly, “Mr Brightside” by the Killers at #68, the highest it’s been in a while (and that’s a feat considering how long it stays on the damn chart). For gains, we’re really not picking up much traction here. Sure, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is back at #73 for some reason, but otherwise we just have middling songs with middling gains, like “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #61, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #59, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles rebounding to #44, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S making a surprising and scary gain to #42 (and I’ll admit, I’ve warmed up to it quickly), “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra clawing back in the top 40 at #39, “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself up to #24 (Please don’t make this a hit) and finally, “Streets” by Doja Cat continuing its rise up to #12. Oh, yeah, and “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter is down to #41 off of the debut but everyone’s forgotten about that song considering how big “drivers license” still is, so yeah, let’s just get to our new arrivals, because we do have some interesting things to touch on this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#66 – “Higher” – Clean Bandit featuring iann dior

Produced by Mark Ralph, Grace Chatto and Jack Patterson

Well, they made a song with 24kGoldn, and that was awful, so... I guess it’s Puerto Rican emo-rapper iann dior’s turn. They might as well remix “Mood” while they’re at it. Instead of Mabel filling in for the singing where 24kGoldn couldn’t on “Tick Tock”, however, we have honestly a less charismatic singer in iann dior playing all the parts, without a rap verse to speak of. Okay, so this could work if he just fills in the spot of generic anonymous singer, and it fits exactly within that mold if he wants to, even though that’ll take away any of the character he had – not that any of that character was likeable or interesting, but hey, baby, he is not your dad, so maybe he’ll blend in well with Clean Bandit’s decreasingly unique production. This is a tropical EDM track where iann dior’s non-existent range and raspy, uncaring tone zaps the energy out of the touches of steel drums and orchestral stabs. This drop is nothing more than a vocaloid loop, and a pathetic one at that, with iann dior’s really gross falsetto proving that Auto-Tune can’t really fix bad singing, not that it needed to be proven. The lyrics here are nothing to write home about, wrapping a love song with ocean metaphors probably just so he can say “I’mma get her wet, oh, baby, then slide”... Gross. There’s like zero build-up to this drop at all as well, so there’s no stakes, no climax, and hence not a good EDM track. Come on, Dan Smith of Bastille wrote this, can’t he get the lead vocal? At least it would sound competent.

#63 – “Grown Flex” – Chip featuring Bugzy Malone

Produced by the Fanatix

Ah, my favourite duo. Apparently this is from a Chip album that I didn’t even know existed, thankfully because it’s 21 tracks, over an hour, with two consecutive Young Adz features. “Grown Flex” is another collaboration with Bugzy Malone, probably here because of the video and the sample of iconic UK bass tune “Heartbroken” by T2, one of the most popular songs in that wave of EDM and a pretty damn great song. It has been sampled before by people like DJ Khaled and Drake but no-one’s made a better song, so maybe these formerly feuding Londoners can make a good song with this sample as the base? That isn’t a question actually, but if it was, the answer would be no. They pitch up the (honestly ahead of its time) vocaloid loop, and put an obnoxious UK garage-adjacent drum loop over it that’s barely on beat with all of the chiptune sound effects distracting from Chip’s also off-beat flow. The chorus is really awkward, with him being off-beat and uncredited female vocal backing vocals with entirely different vocal processing coming in and sounding equally janky. This beat isn’t broken inherently, it could work but it’s too shrouded in these two rappers void of personality. Bugzy Malone is here but his rough tone does not work on this beat, regardless of how much he wants to pretend there’s any melody to his drawl with the Auto-Tune and multi-tracking. He’s still somehow the best part though because, yeah, this is just... incredibly awful. The production is onto something by the end with the horns coming in but they immediately fade out and eventually it just abruptly cuts to some pointless chiptune beeping sounds that have been there the whole time but play alone right at the end for no reason. This is aggravating, I know I’m pretty much nit-picking but there’s nothing of substance to pick apart here anyway. This is pure incompetence and a butchering of a good sample... that they should be allowed to use freely, though, by the way. Abolish copyright law.

#62 – “Ride for Me” – B Young

Produced by Mike Spencer and Pacific

Since everyone seems to have forgotten how to actually make music this week, at least we can always count on B Young... okay, no, but at least he’s given up on trying to be a rapper or R&B singer at this point, as a lane of generic guitar-pop probably would work best for the guy’s voice. I mean, we have an acoustic loop here that sounds like it’s jacked straight from a Shawn Mendes demo. At least the incompetence here is charming, with his rougher vocals being a pretty nice contrast from the otherwise kind of ugly mixing, especially on the flat percussion. I do like the lyrics here, as he’s simply love-struck and enjoys the company of this woman, for more than just sex and appearances. He just hopes that things don’t change and the relationship lasts forever. Sure, it’s shallow but it seems genuine. Sure, there’s some drug references and him being pushy to ask her for no make-up, though it does come off as just enjoying her presence instead of any stuck-up preference, especially since he offers his tracksuit and they end up watching some crap Netflix original film. Yeah, this is just a sweet track if nothing else. Since I did do a full song review for his song “Jumanji” years back, I feel a weird sense of almost parenthood for this guy, like I’ve seen him grow and finally he’s made a good song, even if it’s a bit out of his wheel-house. He’s never not been genuine, just only now that’s given him some more likeability, even if it’s just to make a cute love song. He sounds like a good boyfriend, and that’s really the appeal of the song, so, yeah, good job. I’m honestly kind of surprised.

#60 – “Gravity” – Brent Faiyaz and DJ Dahi featuring Tyler, the Creator

Produced by DJ Dahi

This is the most frustrating song I’ve heard this year so far, I’m almost fascinated by it. Before we get into that, I’d like to say that it’s good to see Brent Faiyaz finally debuting a song relatively high, and this is DJ Dahi’s first ever credited UK Singles Chart entry, although he’s produced top 40 hits before for Kendrick Lamar. Faiyaz has been a bubbling artist in R&B for the past few years, and honestly he might have had the most successful career off of the three artists that propelled themselves off of the back of “Crew” with GoldLink and Shy Glizzy. It was a minor hit that ended up producing no rising stars until around five years later, where we have a genuine hit potentially coming from the guy who sung the chorus, of course with some help from Tyler, the Creator. I do think this song is good but owes a lot to that to the production and charisma of our artists, as I can pick this apart way too easily for my taste. This beat is good, with some incredible guitar work from Steve Lacy as he would always deliver, but feels very aimless, especially with the pointless air horns in the background that if anything distract from Brent Faiyaz, who needs room to breathe. I mean, he’s an R&B singer, of course he does. The beat takes certain left turns during the verses that seem like meanders and if it’s not deflating any of its groove for the sake of guitar loops, it’s got this really tense percussion that does not work for the content or performances here, which are both pretty checked-out, especially Tyler, who’s as stiff as always but without any really interesting lyrical moments or a shift of flow. It’s one of his worst verses in my opinion, and he really goes in one ear and out the other with how short it is, which surprises me because of how Tyler usually either steals the show or meshes really well with his collaborators. So, our two performers are mostly checked-out with little to no chemistry, and the beat is awkward and unfitting for the content, which is about them being brought back down to Earth by their loved ones, hence the name, despite their travel habits due to touring – which isn’t a thing that’s happening right now at all, so maybe this’ll be a slow burn hit before it can really resonate. If we listen to these lyrics more closely, we also don’t get the sense that Brent Faiyaz is even likeable here, as we have no reason given for this woman to not feel uncomfortable that he’s paying little attention to her. Instead, Faiyaz just comes off a dismissive ass to this undeserving woman who is reasonably upset at the lack of time spent with him. It’s never made clear that she’s pestering him, so I honestly don’t get how Faiyaz wants to frame this. It doesn’t help that Tyler has the opposite reaction, longing for his partner when he’s on tour instead of feeling annoyed by her, but ultimately with no interplay so this means nothing. Oh, and if the songwriting weren’t janky enough, the chorus is barely catchy and covered in pitch-shifted multi-tracking that takes any of the focus off of Brent Faiyaz, who’s constantly crushed by backing vocals, being pitched down for no reason with unnecessary censor bleeps when they both swear freely at other points in the song. This type of maximalist production works but only when there’s any grandiosity to make it feel warranted, and if there isn’t that, the gunshot percussion is out of place and there ends up being a lot of empty space. There’s nothing smooth about this, and that’s frustrating as you’d expect these three to bring a really relaxed tune with some great 70s soul vibes and... I mean, that’s obviously what they’re going for here, but it is painfully over-produced and ultimately immensely disappointing. I can see people enjoying this a lot but no, this doesn’t work for me at all. Sorry.

#45 – “Dancing on Ice” – Yxng Bane featuring Nafe Smallz and M Huncho

Produced by Don Alfonso and Quincy Tellem

Oh, Jesus Christ, these guys again... and Yxng Bane, I guess. So, you know what the deal is with this UK ‘trap-wave’ type stuff, right? There’s a vaguely interesting synth loop drowned out by cheap percussion and crap bass mastering, as well as awfully processed vocals from everyone involved. They can trade verses, but more often than not don’t say anything that doesn’t embarrass themselves. You get a sense of really toxic masculinity, misogyny and materialism without any charm in their delivery, inflections or wordplay – which is usually non-existent. Here, it’s not any different. Yxng Bane has some good melodic flows – and I really like his line about his Rolex Presidential Watch being discontinued but since he’s “going Donald”, he wears it anyway – but he also threatens... presumably the listener with gay conversion therapy in the first line of the verse, so all good will’s lost. Nafe Smallz sounds better than usual but his nasal flow is still whiny and insufferable, and M Huncho is here to waste time and sound bad doing it, although he’s probably the least worst sounding vocally out of these three clowns. I misread his line about his rucksack being heavy as “nutsack”, and that’s all the positive engagement I could claw out of this. I ask this every time but honestly, who listens to this?

#21 – “Ready” – Fredo featuring Summer Walker

Produced by Mojam

Much like the end of a Morrisons sweet aisle, past this point, it’s all Fredo. Admittedly, I didn’t end up listening to the record but I have heard a select few songs, this being one of them, and I’m not really a fan. I do like the eerie loop but it seems a bit unfitting for a triumphant flex song emphasising a rags-from-riches narrative, especially since the mix really crushes both Fredo and Summer Walker in this blend of boring skittering trap percussion and the ambiance, making her hook impact a lot less. Fredo’s verses are pretty damn heartfelt, I’ll admit, and I really like his lines about pleading with God that he should be let into Heaven. In fact, Fredo’s bars are pretty consistently great, focusing on how his criminal past in the streets of London refuses to escape him despite his efforts to make it out using rap, and by the end, he sounds pretty defeated when he says, “Yeah, I’m lonely, but that’s just a player’s life”. Honestly, for a song that initially builds itself up to be a triumphant flex song, it ends up just being kind of sad, and that’s fine, more fitting for the instrumental but it really makes the hook feel even more out of place. Ah, well, the song’s fine, really, just a blend of ideas that never really stick the landing together.

#18 – “Burner on Deck” – Fredo featuring Pop Smoke and Young Adz

Produced by RicoRunDat and Yoz Beats

Now this is what I want from Fredo. Now, this is posthumous in Pop Smoke’s case but it’s far from an unexpected feature, as whilst this is one of his first UK drill collaborations, Pop Smoke was known for his pioneering of the New York style of London’s grittier, more menacing drill music, and even named Fredo and Young Adz as some of his favourite rappers. Okay, so he had questionable taste – I mean, Young Adz? - but Pop Smoke felt more of a connection between New York and London beyond just instrumentals, with a shared slang, street culture and arguably most importantly, inequality. This is all cited from a Complex interview, by the way, but you can tell even from his music what a great respect he had for British hip-hop, especially considering his main producer, 808 Melo, is from London. The song itself is pretty great too, relying on these spacey synth loops that build up with more eerie keys before finally crashing into an intense drill beat, with all artists sharing the Auto-Tuned hook, but Young Adz probably shining the most in how he plays off of Pop Smoke’s deeper, rich voice with his nasal whine. The lyrics may be generic gunplay and flexing, but the delivery saves it for me, with Fredo enthusiastically shouting out Gorillaz of all people, and the chorus being way smoother than it would usually be for a drill track, as well as being really catchy. Pop Smoke absolutely kills it here, going with his typical stiff, fast-paced flow for a verse that is really short but just as powerful as he usually delivers. You can tell this was made for this track as well from the interplay on the hook and him shouting out Young Adz in his verse. Fredo pretty much completes the second verse by chiming in and showing more of the charm I enjoy from him as he mentions coughing the bar before he coughs for basically an entire bar. It caught me off-guard at full listen and it still leads in perfectly to the oddly-mixed sombre piano that comes in for the final hook. With a better mix – and even then, it kind of works without it – and maybe some extended verses from both London and New York drill artists, this could bang even harder. Maybe for a remix, this beat could bring the best out of Swarmz, DigDat, AJ Tracey, Hardy Caprio, Tion Wayne, Fivio Foreign even... I could go on, this could be a great posse cut. As it is, it’s still pretty damn good, and again, rest in peace to the late Pop Smoke.

#3 – “Money Talks” – Fredo featuring Dave

Produced by Dave

At first, I was surprised this debuted at #3, which seems high for a British rap track, but then I remembered that the last time these guys collaborated on a single it debuted at #1 without an album attached, and it helped that “Funky Friday” is also a great song, admittedly something I didn’t think at the time. It does make perfect sense that this debuts so high, especially since this album was actually executively-produced by Dave, so given these guys’ track records together and alone, I did expect something great, and, well... okay, so instead of a drill beat as this pretty vocal sample would be fit for, as would the flows, we get a lightweight trap beat with odd vocal and bass mixing. Admittedly, the 808 slides here are pretty excellent, but that’s the only shred of intricacy I see here, which is usually commonplace in Dave’s production. There’s also simply not enough consistency or variety here to make it worth the four and a half minutes, with the chorus being awkward if anything. There’s less depth to the rags-to-riches stories here, with Fredo probably giving more commentary than Dave does, which seems odd but fitting for how checked-out Dave is here. There’s just a resounding lack of anything to this song other than a boring beat and performances that could be a lot sharper and interesting. Sure, Dave flexes his technical piano skill by the end but the beat had already run dry by about two extra minutes before that – this could have run through your second verse, Dave, or you could have added a bridge instead of repeating the chorus. I do like some of the lines here that are obviously more personal and introspective, like Fredo’s conflict with the justice system and Dave explaining how he got robbed when he was a child and to cope with the trauma of this, he started toting weapons. I guess the EastEnders reference is funny but it just reminds me of DigDat making a similar cocaine joke with arguably funnier source material on “Guten Tag”. Yeah, this could be a lot better but it’s not offensive and hey, it’s competent at least. I mean, it’s Dave, it won’t be anything less, just a tad disappointing. I mean, come on, “coochie freshly shaven, man’s got expectations”?

Conclusion

This week is so disproportionately male, huh? Ironically as I say that, none of the women represented here – in the form of soulless EDM production and boring guest feature – get Best of the Week, as that’s going to Fredo’s “Burner on Deck” featuring the late Pop Smoke and, yes, Young Adz, with an Honourable Mention to B Young of all people for “Ride for Me”. Worst of the Week will obviously go to Chip and Bugzy Malone for the pathetic “Grown Flex”, with a tied Dishonourable Mention this week going to both “Dancing on Ice” by Yxng Bane featuring Nafe Smallz (for being gross and offensive) and “Higher” by Clean Bandit featuring iann dior (for being remarkably inoffensive). Yeah, Brent Faiyaz and Tyler are safe there but that’s still a fascinatingly bad song, though I don’t think I’ll make any friends with that opinion. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for this week:

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed and want more of my cacti-branded rambling, follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank. I can’t make any predictions for next week that aren’t depressing, but we may have to discuss death and politics next episode if a certain song gets renewed traction. Happy times. See you next week!

[tornadorojo5]

What if Coke was the Only Thing to Drink, and Nothing More?

Ok, I know, everyone knows that great loads of sugar are bad for your health (especially if you are a woman), but the sad truth is that we all humans have a sweet tooth. Back in the XVIII century, the British started to refined very large quantities of sugar but back then, it was still considered a luxury item. They had a name for sugar, they called it the "White Gold", as it was so precious and expensive that only the very rich could afford to eat it. 

Nowadays, the sugar industry is huge (enormous, holy cow!! really big) and while our daily intake of this sweet delight should be only about 37.5 grams for men (that would be something between 8 to 9 teaspoons. This is a little more than 150 calories) and 25 grams for women (approximately 6 teaspoons, which is a little over 100 calories), it is thought that American sugar consumption was at its peak (1990), the average citizen was consuming 111 grams a day on daily basis. Things are getting better now since today we have a national average of 94 grams/person, which is mostly attributed to soft drinks. Now, let's talk about the one that by far is the most important soft drinks manufacturer in the world. Let me present you Coca-Cola.

History of Coca-Cola

The history of Coca-Cola starts in 1886 when an American pharmacist called Dr. John Stith Pemberton started messing around with carbonated water and syrup, and he was so pleased with the results that within a year, he was selling 9 servings a day, 5 cents each.

Today, around 1.7 billions of coke servings are sold every day, that is 42.8% of the U.S Carbonated drinks market. 

It's believed that half of the U.S.A population drinks at least half a glass of soda every day of their lives. So I think the question is Is it any good for them?.

First, let's take a look what is actually in Coke. Is there really a secret ingredient that nobody can fathom except its creators?. Well, the secret formula was actually created as a marketing stunt back in 1891, but until today, Coke says that only a few people on the inside know what that is.

Coke actually labels each ingredient as a merchandise, and they numbered from 1 to 9. One of them is of course sugar, or other sweeteners, caffeine, caramel coloring, and phosphoric acid. From here, the rest of the formula is a mystery, although there might be orange, lime, vanilla, cinnamon, and even nutmeg in the syrup. To add a little more mystery, one of the ingredients is called "7X". In a book on the subject, writer Mark Pendergast mentions that he has found the secret ingredients and they were a mix of oils containing extract of orange, Lemmon, Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Coriander, Neroli and some alcohol. I'll leave you an Amazon link in case you want to check out this book.

In case that you wonder if the rumor that accuses Coca-Cola of containing coke?. Well, yeah, it used to contain Coke, but in those days the coca leaf was promoted as a health benefit. All we know is that by the year 1902, it contained 1/400 of a gram of cocaine per ounce of syrup, not enough to make you high but enough to get you a little hooked. Cocaine was finally removed from Coke back in 1929 (cocaine was made illegal in the USA in 1914 with the Harrison Narcotics Tax Act).

Prior to that, it was the drink's selling point, with its creator, a morphine addict himself, saying that Coke was "a most wonderful invigorating of sexual organs".

Much has changed, but Coke's marketing strategy is still often related to having a lust for life, youth, spirit, and sexiness. But, let's get to the point now, the sugar.

Sugar In Coca-Cola

There are 9 grams of sugar in every 100 grams of the drink, this means that in a 12 oz. can of coke (340.19 grams) there is 1.08 oz. of sugar (30.61 grams) or 2.16 tablespoons. But of course, we all know how people like to overdose on Coke, so in a 7-Eleven Big Gulp (30 oz. of Coke), there are 2.7 oz. of sugar (76.54 grams), more than 2 times the recommended daily sugar intake for men and more than 3 times the recommended daily dose for women, and a Super Gulp (44 oz. of Coke) contains 3.96 oz. of sugar (112.26 grams), and a Double Gulp (64 oz. Coke), 5.76 oz. of sugar (163.29 grams) or 11.52 tablespoons.

You can do the math by yourself, just multiply the serving size by 0.09 (or 9%) and you get the sugar ounces that you are eating, in tablespoons, you take this last result and multiply by 2.

Since drinks got so big, New York created the "Sugary Portion Cap Rule", but that had no effect on 7-Eleven monstrous portions since it only applies to restaurants, which were prohibited from serving sugary drinks bigger than 16 ounces (23% smaller than a large Mc Donald's soda). No surprise that the sugar drinks conglomerate opposed the bill, stating that the poor income families will lose out those great deals. You could splurge and purchase 3 separated drinks.

So, if you just drink Coke and nothing else, you will be putting yourself in a lot of danger, although it might be acceptable if you are in a Zombie-Apocalypse scenario, and you are locked up in a Coke warehouse, and there is nothing but stock. As you can imagine, your teeth will start to root, since the phosphoric acid on Coke gets in touch with your teeth, therefore destroying the enamel and the sugar will soon lead to cavities. The calories you consumed would be less than the recommended 2000, if you drink 14 cans of Coke at 140 calories per can, you will get near the daily recommended caloric intake, but still, the contents will hurt you.

Remember that all that high fructose corn syrup you are consuming would start to increase fat in your liver and will put you at risk of getting a cardiovascular disease. 

What is it like to Drink Coke Every day? Let's Ask John.

Meet John Prior, a super fit 50-year-old guy from L.A that actually drank nothing but Coke, every day, for a month, that is, 10 cans (1400 cal.) a day for 30 days. He ate other things too though. After his binge, the British press said that he put on 28 pounds (12.7 Kg). So in a month, from being slim, he developed "love handles", a "pot" belly, and man boobs. He also said that his blood pressure went u from 129/77 to 145/96, his conclusion was that "I think there are a lot of  people suffering health problems like diabetes and heart disease, who aren't aware they could help themselves by just stopping sugar." He also admitted that big corporations and their lobbying arm would be hard to stop.

According to some experts at Yale University, we'd start aging rapidly, as well as putting on pounds and losing teeth. The same study says that we'd feel very hungry all the time as sweet tastes increase appetite. We might even start gnawing at the crates in the warehouse and weight gain would be definite. Studies have shown that 1/5 of America's famous obesity epidemic is from people just drinking sugary products compulsively.

Another article about Natasha Harris, a woman who drank 18 pints of Coke every day (a little less than 8.5 liters) and no water for 16 years, died at the age of 30 from a cardiac arrest. At the time of her death, this woman, mother of 8 children had "hypocalemia, or the lack of potassium in the blood, did not have any teeth and one of her 8 children was born without enamel. 

Natasha Harris from New Zeland, downed nearly 9 liters of Coke every day otherwise she'd go crazy

Research has shown that only by reducing the amount of sugar in drinks could prevent over 1 million cases of obesity.

"We have solid evidence that keeping intake of free sugars to less than 10% of the total energy  intake reduces the risk of overweight, obesity and tooth decay"

WHO's Department of Nutrition for Health and Development, 2015

I know things could change, but sugar politics is a big deal and in the end, the bottom line is more important than your health, says most critics.

The sugar industry has spent over 54 million dollars lobbying in the last 8 years and well, in the UK, politicians knew this and tried to come up with a way to reduce obesity in the country by taxing sugar higher. This hasn't come in yet, but already drinks manufacturers have begun reducing the sugar in their drinks in the UK by almost 50% because of this. Coke was one of those companies, but the 30% sugar reduction will only happen in the UK, according to CNN. Let's check out what the Euro News are saying these days.

What Happens when you Drink Coke?

In a 1-hour period of time, after drinking a standard can of Coke, this is what happens.

Start Counting

The phosphoric acid that Coca-Cola contains gets in touch with the enamel on your teeth, provoking dental erosion. This type, unlike the localized erosion that gives you cavities in a certain tooth, affects all your teeth at the same time.

In 10 Minutes

A little more than 2 tablespoons of sugar strike your system (about 80% of the recommended daily intake of sugar). You won't be able to vomit due to the overwhelming sweetness because of the large quantity of phosphoric acid that cuts the flavor. Still, almost all the sugar that you were supposed to intake in a day, is punched at once in a short period of time (sounds pretty bad, huh?)

20 Minutes

You will experience a spike in your blood sugar, followed by an insulin burst. Now your liver gets to work (like when your boss makes you work until you break) turning all the sugar at its reach into fat. It accumulates very fast.

40 Minutes

Your pupils dilate due to all the caffeine absorbed, and as your blood pressure raises, your liver dumps more sugar into your bloodstream. At this point, the adenosine receptors in your brain are blocked preventing drowsiness.

45 Minutes

Your dopamine production increases, stimulating the pleasure centers of your brain. In case you have not figured it out yet, this is just how heroin works.

60 Minutes

1) The phosphoric acid binds the calcium, zinc, and magnesium in your lower intestine, generating a further boost in your metabolism. The result is an increase in the urinary excretion of calcium, zinc, and magnesium. (Now you know why Coke is especially bad for women.)

2) Now we experience the caffeine diuretic properties in all its extension. At this point, you will pee all the calcium, magnesium, and zinc previously bonded, that were supposed to go to your bones (teeth included). Sodium, electrolyte and of course water get flushed at this point too.

3) As the rave party in your body dies down, you will start to have a sugar crash. It is possible that you get irritable and/or sluggish. Since you pissed away all the water of the Coke that you just had, not before infusing it with valuable nutrients your body could have used to build strong bones and teeth or hydrating your system, you will get thirsty again, only this time, you also get hungry, since you need to replace all the valuable minerals you have just pissed away.

So you take another Coke and there we go again.

There are several health issues involving Coke, and the one that I think is the true and silent-slow killer is the progressive damage to your kidneys. So eat well, drink more water, and try not to drink Coke...so you can "Enjoy".

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