#i love franks’s stache | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

waitingonher · 2 years ago

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h.o.o. characters & their icks

characters: percy jackson, annabeth chase, jason grace, piper mclean, leo valdez, frank zhang, & hazel levesque

content warning: slight cursing

word count: 853

author's note: idk if some of these are necessarily icks? but 😆

percy jackson

percy thinks he’s sooooo cool for growing up in nyc 😒😒

he’d say some new york specific lingo and would be all like “oh hah sorry, i forgot you aren’t from new york.”

it is not that serious percy.

somehow he always finds ways to relate things back to new york. you could be talking about a weird homeless person outside a convenience store, and he’d be like “well i’ve seen worse in new york.”

percy lost his metrocard one time, but you guys needed to take the subway somewhere so he tried to act so nonchalant about hopping over the turnstiles.

“oh yeah, i do it all the time. i’m basically a pro.”

then, he went to jump over it only for his foot to get caught. he face planted onto the floor. when percy got up, he tried to act like he didn’t care, but you could see the embarrassment in his eyes.

not his best moment!

annabeth chase

in her own way, annabeth lowkey mansplains a lot 😭😭

she doesn’t mean to, but whenever she explains certain concepts or ideas, she comes off as super condescending.

it could be the most niche subject ever, and she’d be peeved when you don’t know anything about it. i’m sorry i don’t know shit about a random philosopher who died hundreds of years ago 😒

(i’d let annabeth mansplain to me any day of the year)

jason grace

if no one orders for him, jason’s go-to are chicken tenders and fries. it’s not that he’s picky, it’s just that he’s so accustomed to ordering it, that he simply forgets he can order other things.

it’s as if his eyes just ignore everything else on the menu and only look for chicken tenders and fries. like, it’s okay to eat something other than that… 😕

when he orders at restaurants, the waiter always gives him the strangest looks. because why is a 6’0 athletic-looking teenager in here ordering chicken tenders off the kids menu.

speaking of kids menus, jason treats the little activities on them so, so seriously. not to say that the activities aren’t fun, but he’s oddly obsessed over them. he gets genuinely upset when food or drink splatters gets on it because he likes taking them home?? jason please tell us why these little word searches and connect-the-dots matters so much to you.

piper mclean

piper always claims that animals love her. (they do not)

whenever she encounters wildlife, she’d start calling it over just for it to run away from her. “oh no, i think you scared it off” is her excuse 90% of the times.

i know for a fact it wasn’t me. it was definitely you and your bad excuse for a squirrel call.

she’s also convinced she can charmspeak animals too. last time she tried, the cat ended up smacking her across the face.

when will piper learn 💔

leo valdez

to all the leo lovers out there…i’m sorry to say that he’d have that little mustache after he drinks anything. he’s always rocking that milk mustache!!

after a long day of working in bunker 9, you’ll see him walking around camp with a bright red stain above his lip. you won’t even have to ask him to know that he was drinking fruit punch gatorade.

leo even gets that little stache with water?? it’s not as prevalent, but it’s definitely there. if he’s under the right lighting, you can see his top lip just glistening.

you always have to remind him to wipe his mouth after taking a sip of anything. but it’s just as worse when he wipes his mouth because he uses the back of his hand or his sleeve…

if you go through his closet, there’s a high chance that you’ll find some of his shirts with different colored stains at the bottom of the sleeves. someone get leo some napkins please!

frank zhang

whenever frank wears flipflops, his toes always hang over the edge of them. the worst part is that he really does not see an issue with it. he thinks it’s fine because “it’s just loungewear.”

yes it may just be loungewear, but i promise you that no one wants to see your toes hanging out like that.

even if someone buys him a bigger size, he’d still find a way to have his toes over the edge.

at this point, everyone just thinks that frank finds it comfortable so they don’t say anything anymore.

hazel levesque

hazel’s the type to enter those random instagram giveaways…

she’d tag you in the comments and would text you asking you if you could follow the account and tag five people too.

please hazel, you’re not gonna win that $300 amazon giftcard or that new laptop. give it up!!

somehow she finds so many different giveaways?? you’re always tagged at least once a week. it’s gotten to the point where she’s entered so many giveaways, that people start recognizing her username. they feel genuine pity for her because why is @horselover1217 entering a giveaway for the third time this week.

#percy jackson #annabeth chase #jason grace #piper mclean #leo valdez #frank zhang #hazel levesque #heroes of olympus x reader #heroes of olympus #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson and the olympians

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billboard-hotties-tourney · 8 months ago

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Good news, everyone: we'll be able to debut the finals tonight. Thank you for your patience in this time, it's greatly appreciated.

But before the finals begin, it's time to present the Billboard Consolation Prizes...

*cue Hot Chocolate's "Every 1's a Winner"*

We have fourteen awards to give out this tourney; some were voted upon by the followers of the tourney, some were given out directly.

The first award is one that the fans voted on: The Powerful Mustache Award. This award goes out to the competitor that had the sweetest, sickest 'stache in the game. There were a few nominees that had the lead at some point in the voting, but the winner ended up being...

Frank Zappa! Congratulations, I'm sure some people will Freak Out over this win.

Next is the Failure to Launch Award. This one goes out to the round-one loser that had the most submissions to be in the tourney. With five user submissions (and no wins in this tourney,) the winner of this award is...

Elvis Presley! Elvis unsurprisingly lost out in the first round to Johnny Cash on the Johnny Cash website, but now he has an award for it.

The next award is the Who? What?? Award! The Who? What?? Award goes to the most obscure/strangest submission in the tournament--no shade here, he's a cool dude. This award was originally going to be a user vote, but I figured that nobody else could possibly take the title except...

The one and only Moondog! Shout-out to the one who submitted him in the first place for introducing me and undoubtedly others to this musical character.

Our next award is the Mama's Boy Award! For those of you who haven't seen I Love New York (most of you, I'm assuming; I think the venn diagram for lovers of vintage music and VH1 reality TV is two circles), the Mama's Boys were those contestants handpicked by New York's mom...and in this case, the Mama's Boys were picked by me! If you remember at the beginning of this tournament, I added more contestants to bring the total number of men to 256. These were musicians and singers who were so famous that it was baffling that it wasn't there, or perhaps they were added to round out some band lineups (newsflash: John Bonham and John Deacon were Mama's Boys.) Some were also added to throw in some characters that were significant in music that you might not have thought of, like Jorge Ben, Arthur Lee, or Richie Havens.

Now that I've explained who could be in the running for the Mama's Boy Award, I'll explain how you win: by making it farther than the rest of the contestants selected by the pollmaster. That distinction goes to...

Mickey Finn! Mickey made it to round five without having been nominated by the public, but was bested by Billy Preston.

In a similar vein to the last award, next we have the Spanish Inq-

Next we have the Spanish Inquisition Award. This one was a fan vote, and it went to the competitor that nobody expected to make it as far as they did. Overwhelmingly, the votes went to...

Bruce Springsteen! ...Bruce Springsteen? I can honestly say I didn't expect that result.

Next is the Crossover Award! In the days of yore, a crossover artist was one that was marketable, or could chart, in more than one music chart. In the modern age (or at least in this tourney,) a crossover artist is one that can qualify for more than one tournament. The nominees of this award, one that has been awarded based on fan vote, were all also featured in @hotvintagepoll as well. This award, like the tourney, was based on hotness, and the winner is...

Elvis Presley! This is Mr. Presley's second nomination and second win. (Didn't make it out of round one but he's doing pretty well here.)

Next award is the No Help Required Award. This award goes to the contestant that made it farthest in the tournament without having propaganda submitted during or between rounds--that means nothing on the post, nothing in the propaganda tag. The winner of this impressive feat is...

Stevie Wonder! Stevie made it to the quarterfinals without the help of propaganda, but was ultimately defeated by David Bowie.

The next award, voted on by the fans, also had a surprising winner. This one is the Robbed Icon Award. I asked voters to think of the contestant whose elimination was the most unfair...maybe he was up against a guy you thought was gross, maybe he didn't have enough propaganda, maybe he was just hotter in the 80s and hadn't grown into his looks yet. The votes are in, and the award goes to...

David Bowie! The amount by which he lost was a shock, but he had a most worthy opponent. David, you make a lovely third alternate.

Next is the Multi-Instrumentalist Award. Many of our contestants choose to be a master of one skill, be it guitar, vocals, songwriting, piano...but some would rather be a jack of all trades (and maybe a master of one or two? This is a bad metaphor right now.) I chose a handful of contestants who could truly be considered great multi-instrumentalists, and asked you to say which one was hottest. Without a doubt, the winner is...

George Harrison! Most known for playing guitar, George Harrison is said to have been able to play 26 instruments, from the sitar to the glockenspiel.

Next is the Band Assassin Award. Because the pairings were random, there was always a chance that a contestant's opponents might have something in common with each other (weirdly, Ron Mael both defeated and was defeated by David Jones.) Two contestants, however, each defeated two members of the same band, both wiping out half a lineup. The TWO winners are...

Paul McCartney and Jimi Hendrix! Paul McCartney beat two members of The Monkees (Peter Tork and Micky Dolenz) in rounds one and two, and Jimi Hendrix took out half of Queen (Brian May and Freddie Mercury) at the same time in the quarterfinals.

Our next award is the All Together Now Award. As you've probably noticed, there were several complete band lineups in the Billboard Hotties Tourney. While some were completed by yours truly, some were all submitted by the voters! This award goes to the first band to have its complete lineup submitted by viewers like you (thank you!) The winner is...

The Who! Roger Daltrey, John Entwistle, Keith Moon, and Pete Townshend were all submitted by you guys, Keith Moon being the last to round out the lineup. The Monkees were the second group to have their whole band submitted.

In the grand tradition of many beauty pageants, this tournament has a Mr. Congeniality Award. Now, it's a little hard to judge the contestants themselves, as they're unaware of the poll's existence and/or are dead, so we won't be judging their decorum today. Instead, this one goes out to the fans of the contestant. Each poll is going to have its tantrums, but for the most part, this musician had fans who were hilarious, kind, and generally well-behaved. Mr. Congeniality goes to...

Clarence Clemons! One more time...spotlight on The Big Man.

The penultimate award is The Popular Kid Award. This one goes out to the contestant that had the most nominations. You'll see why the Spanish Inquisition Award winner surprised me, because the Popular Kid Award winner is also...

Bruce Springsteen! The Boss is the only contestant to crack the double digits, with ten nominations to his name. David Bowie came in second with nine.

Finally, we have the Not Just a Pretty Face Award. Let's face it, it's fun to gush about how cute your favorite singer is or AWOOGA over a bassist every once in awhile, but that's not what music is really about. It's not about the sight, it's about the sound, and that's what this award is for. Voters were asked to pick their favorite musician music-wise for this one, and they overwhelmingly picked...

David Bowie! You may not have won the beauty pageant, but you sure do sound great.

Thanks for playing, everyone! The final poll will go live tonight at midnight PST.

#long post #billboard consolation prizes

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that-weird-mime · 6 months ago

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Fanart I've spent two days on lol. It's Req's murder mystery au! I love murder mystery to death and want to make a murder mystery au myself, maybe. Anyways, link to the au- https://x.com/Requyem_/status/1790831654816149569 Plus a silly poll below asking who y'all think stabbed Evermore based off this image. There's no wrong answer since not even I know!

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mxbitters · 4 years ago

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reasons i am considering t

#if the hair already on my face is an accurate forecast for what testosterone would do for facial hair ..#i'd apparently have sideburns and a sick stache #i'd say like polar express conductor but ok more like frank iero in leathermouth #ok not even that but it'd still look cool as fuck #how do i put this. i really admire the type of gender expression i generally see in a lot of amab enbies.. idk how to explain it #idk if that makes sense at all but something about that type of gender expression i don't know #but like i love it. i wanna be like that i dunno. not exactly the same but very similar

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nosferatyou · 4 years ago

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If I Can Be So Bold: Chapter 4 (Jack White x OC)

Summary: A time line of Lee’s life after a certain event. Chock full of hardships, odd music choices, and the FBI watchlist. Overall an incredibly important chapter.

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, cursing, frank iero

NOTES: Fuck. Its been a while hasnt it? schools a bitch. anyways i thought this was the best way to move the story along. Besides the early days werent really important. well it was, but it was th lead up. Still I think this is pretty damn good. Took me for fuckin ever. I hope you enjoy!

I think I could’ve saved myself from more heartbreak if I just stopped fucking the man that was slowly breaking me, sparing me from the years of emptiness I just floated through. We could’ve only been friends and ended it at that, but I fell in love with him.

It took me a year to realize id made the biggest mistake of my life. He was my mistake. I saw all this like I did relish every moment we had together, like every time he kissed me, I felt my chest grow warm. I never had a bad moment with him. When we fucked it was just me and him, which is so incredibly cheesy, but when you’re that intoxicated by the touch of another, its all you can think about. Nothing else existed. Bad breakups, a growing rift in old friends, the unpaid bills sitting on your counter. The truth. It genuinely was witchcraft on his end. I think the songs he wrote when we were together were actually just love spells.

This went on for a year. I waited for him and meg when they went to the meeting that landed them their first studio album. Hell, I even taught him slide and played on their track “Suzy Lee.” Looking back at that moment always makes me laugh, the irony of it all, how I shielded myself from any truths. I think I realized I loved him when I opened my apartment door to see him with freshly cut hair. The sides shaved, the red just as wild as always but dyed a firetruck red. To this day, its the worst haircut I’ve ever seen someone get, and that day I died with laughter. He was always so confident in his looks, but that day he was in a panic. I had to console him and try to convince him it wasn’t that bad.

“Rosie, it looks like someone glued fake fur to the top of my head.”

The both of us sat cross-legged across from each other on the bed, trying to assess the damage. He couldn’t stop fidgeting. Fixing any loose hairs, which was the entirety of his hair. I scooted forward and played with it, trying to find any feasible angles.

“Jacky, it’s not that bad, it looks quite handsome from this angle.” I pretended to style it. There was no fixing it, but I could boost his ego to last until it grew back.

He grabbed the hand mirror sitting next to him and tried every angle. Worry had found its way into

every part of his face.

“Mmm well, I guess it’s not as bad as I thought,” He couldn’t stop touching it. “Thanks, Rosie.” He smiled at me the same way he always did, lips pulled tight, making his face scrunch up with those warm eyes.

I still looked at him and saw the most handsome man, even with that ridiculous haircut.

It never took much to convince him of something or to do something for that matter. If you put any liquid in his hand he’d drink it, I think I watched him drink hand sanitizer on a dare made by Ben. I never convinced him to go on a date with me, though. We always spent our time alone together, holed up in my room. Though back then, I always considered our late-night solo show adventures a good filler. He never noticed how happy they made me. That should’ve been a red flag, but they always just look like flags in rose-colored glasses. I seemed to be an expert at collecting red flags. I convinced myself for years that my time with my ex back in Nashville was normal.

Harriet pulled my head out of ass, though, and brought me here. To more red flags. It’s funny how completely opposite the two of them are. Jack and John (John and John if you want to get technical). John, at first, took me everywhere. He knew everyone and could get in anywhere. He showed me off and always made it clear who he was with. Once he had me fully wrapped around his finger, and we were living together, it switched. I wasn’t allowed to go out, not without his permission. I couldn’t talk to anyone except my bandmates, that was limited too. He held my playing shows above my head. If I was “good,” I could play under his supervision. I mean, he managed our band, he always knew our every move. It’s easy to misconstrue love, confuse what possession is. I was his pet, his thing to show off and shove in a closet until he needed me again. It took years to notice that it wasn’t okay.

The beginning is always just so intoxicating.

Jack just had this air to him, that same confidence as john. He knew he was talented and certainly knew he was good looking. The difference is Jack is humble. He could barely take a complaint from me, and as he grew, he didn’t know how to handle the attention. He didn’t lavish in it as John had, as short-lived as his attention was. Jack and I hid away, our confessions of our true feelings hiding on lyric sheets feet away from the other. That made my want stronger, I never felt I could have him, but we were so close it almost felt like I could have him. Its that moment, though, when you stare at each other with such love and warmth, faces growing so close you could feel their body heat. Your so close you can almost taste it, and that’s the moment he leaves. We didn’t cuddle. We weren’t affectionate. It was his choice. He left after tender moments, he left before breakfast, and he left before we finished the last verse of our song. We never were anything, and we never got anywhere. Me being me, it never was a thought in my mind. My judgment was clouded every time he looked at me with those eyes that pulled me in the first time.

While we grew closer, nothing ever changed, he came over, we fucked, and then wrote together. Sharing the same Camel pack every time. I never thought he shared my feelings for him. He never showed it. He was as open as he was closed. He only let you see what he wanted. That was until me, and the girls were all hanging around during a White Stripes practice. Which was quite common. We all watched each other play, testers for anything new that we cooked up. Meg was weirdly good at knowing what riffs people would like. She always was smarter than any of us would ever be.

That day Jack introduced a new song. It wasn’t entirely new to me. I taught him the parts, I always played the solos. He never quite got it back then. I was overjoyed to finally hear it. None of the girls were too focused on them. They always got stupid high. Jack and Meg’s landlord didn’t quite care if they smoked, not that ever did, though. It was a slower song, and a lot of work was put into it. Knowing him, the lyrics always had just as much care.

He refused to meet my eyes. He didn’t look at me once. His eyes quickly flipping between the wall behind me and his guitar. It was very, obviously intentional. He was a storyteller, he always did it so carefully in songs, hiding the message. This seemed incredibly open. Too obvious. He was hesitant. It wasn’t until the “Chorus” (it could barely be called a chorus) that he started to get a bit more confident. It was apparent he had a lot to say.

Miss Suzy lee

The one I'm speaking of

The question is

Is she the one I love?

That made my ears perk up, my eyes locked onto the floor. Why was I afraid to look at him?

Maybe I was thinking about it too much. My hope tends to get the best of me. Still, this pit in my stomach was growing with each note he played.

She sent me flowers

The name of an incredibly sappy song I showed him

With her tears burned inside

Again it was embarrassingly open

And you know what I'd do?

I would run and hide.

Fuck. I think my imagination and reality were clashing. I might actually have finally snapped and lost it.

And the paper

On it was my name

Okay, I definitely did hide the unofficial nickname I made for him. I didn't use it often. I called him “Tree” when I was annoyed with him.

With the question

Do you feel the same?

I knew. I knew he didn’t notice my intentions that day, though he should’ve won an oscar for his acting. He pretended like he didn’t notice.

I think I’m going to legitimately throw up on their ratty couch. I’m going to throw up, and it’s his fault. Jesus, I’m overreacting to a song that’s probably not about me. Fuck I need this to be over so I can breathe. Maybe look up from this thrifted carpet.

Again his words make my head snap up. This time I met his eyes.

To end this tale

The one I'm speaking of

I wish I had an answer, but I just don't know

Is this really love?

I left the room as fast as possible after he said love. I didn’t think I could stomach it. Fuck. Shit. Jesus Christ, retribution may be in my future.

Everything changed after that. I couldn’t look at him, I avoided him, the hope would kill me. It was killing me. I’ve always gotten too excited over people, too attached, and whenever this moment came, I spiraled. I had longed for his love for so long, and the idea of getting it overwhelmed me, being around him overwhelmed me. I avoided him, said I was busy every time he asked to hang out. I didn’t even bother to hide that I was making excuses. It took him a week to stop taking my bullshit. Jack was incredibly blunt. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush. One night he knocked on our door, and someone other than me answered, and they sent him my way. I didn’t tell the girls my feelings. I was too afraid to say it out loud. I didn’t want to be in love again. I loathed it. I wanted to be the person who could be fuck buddies and be fine with it, but I fall too hard. Every fucking time. It’s inescapable.

My dad always said I loved harder than others and should hold onto it, but it only hurt me.

That night fucked everything up. He didn’t look at me. If he did, it wasn’t for long. For the first time, he looked cowardly. He stormed into my room. I could hear his very distinguishable and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. My heart pounded into my throat with every footstep. He didn’t knock. He always knocked. His hair had grown out, it lost its curl, but it hung in his face just as it always did. He didn’t look smug. He didn’t have his bubble of confidence. He was meek. He was small. I remember his hands flying to his pockets. He did that when he was nervous.

As I said before, he doesn’t beat around the bush. I wish he did that day. Spared my heartbreak for a few minutes.

“Lee, I can’t love you.”

Those fucking words. They rang through my mind for years. Every time I saw him in the news, saw his face in magazines in passing at grocery stores. It felt like id been ripped in half, I was speechless, I physically could not form words. That feeling happened every once in a while when I reminded. Overtime I numbed to it.

`He was married. Can you believe that? I was the mistress and with my best friend’s husband. The moment he pulled his hand out to scratch his face, I saw it. The wedding band that was never there before. I think he wore to mess with me, one last laugh. He knew this would be the end of us ever seeing each other, working together.

He said he kept it off during shows for the brother-sister act, and just took it off before seeing me. Jack was never a coward, but it took him a year to tell him he was married. I hung out with them daily, I watched their dog when they toured, and I never noticed once. He was fucking married. The real kicker is that the girls knew too and didn’t tell me earlier. They let me live on with my sins. I felt so dirty. He just kept talking that day. He didn’t stop. Nervously rambled on, and he never did that. He was quiet. He opened his mouth to say something that’ll either make you cry laughing or make your heart swell. He was whip-smart and knew when to speak. I just let him go until he ran out of steam, tears quietly slipping down my cheeks. Still, stone-faced. The moment he stopped, I just silently showed him out and softly shut the door behind him.

That night, I about committed arson, okay I didn’t, but I sure wanted to. At first, I cried. And cried,… and cried. It was a mess. Soon that turned to me having a small existential crisis and dumping everything on the cashier at the liquor store who definitely knew the others, and was incredibly uncomfortable. We went there a lot. As soon as the alcohol had been bought, it was gone. I spent the night binge drinking and wrecking everything in my room. I ripped up my journals for songs, I set a small fire to my sketches of him, and I very furiously tried to wash the smell of him out of my sheets. I also punched a hole in my wall, which I kept a secret until the girls moved out. The next day I switched to Marlboros, the smell of camels gives me that same gut punch. It was his brand.

I said some not great things to the girls. I blamed them for my downfall for not telling me. I made them my excuse. I shortly left the band. We had tried to do a show, but I was so drunk I couldn’t remember most of the songs. I was also told I was lost my pants at some point.

I moved out of the house and lost all ties to them. I cut all ties to jack. I couldn’t go home, though. I burned too many bridges with my family and friends, a bad habit I seemed to have. I still played shows.

The good thing to come out of my rage and fall into substance abuse was my music. I went through some phases. I was playing my standard stuff for a while, just with a bit more... Anger? Then some months later, in ‘99, the stripe’s first album came out. Of course, I fucking bought it. I kept all their records. I couldn’t let go for some reason. I listened to it on repeat. I was so outraged that it was good. I heard myself in their songs, saw my name in the liner notes, I heard myself in his lyrics. I was obsessed; it was great. For two years, I fought and scratched to get some kind of record deal. I got a two-album deal. I toured nonstop, played with some damn good musicians, though I never was happy.

I lived a life of driving and playing. Most of the time, I had no fucking clue what state I was in. In New Jersey around 2003, I’d made some friends and played with them for a bit, fucking around in their basement. I lived there for a bit. I couldn’t stomach Detroit. I stayed consistently drunk from that night in ‘98 until 2004 when I received a friend’s call, showing me where I was headed.

We talked through it, and both decided to get sober. We both were sick. They sparked something musical in me, though. I started to get heavier, I played punk, I put my aggression entirely into my music. I produced my own stuff then, scraping what I could together. I made that record and went back to Detroit. As painful as it was, I couldn’t go back to Nashville, so I was stuck here. I mostly just fucked around, still living pretty much like a hermit, making music in my basement. When the Elephant came out, I couldn’t avoid hearing The White Stripes. They were an international success. I still collected all their records and listened to them extensively. As time went on, my existence in his lyrics disappeared. As for him, it did for me, I’d given up. It was dumb to be upset over it all these years later, still, thinking of him hurt so much. I was restless. I was bored. I wanted to be back out on the road again.

While I was usually blackout drunk every day, I still loved it. Playing something new somewhere new every day. That’s when my friend frank from my New Jersey days called me up in ‘07 to join his new band. I think he was just as fed up and restless as I was. We played “hardcore punk.” though that's debatable. We were sick of shit and needed to yell about it. It was my last hurrah with my inner turmoil. We finished the album and got onto the FBI watchlist for a political song.

I looked down at my phone to see I was getting a call from “Party Dad.” I knew what this is about.

“Did- did they show up at your door too?”

“Frank, you know they did.”

“Dude was fucking on the FBI’s list!” He was just as excited as I was.

“Hell fucking yeah, we are! You know we were still playing the song.”

“Oh, you know it. We will find a way around what they said. Plus fuck the government, that’s the whole point.”

“Two 30 something-year-olds on the FBI watchlist for a fucking song. This day could not get better.”

See here for the song

And toured. We toured for a while. Our last tour date was actually on my birthday in ‘08. In Nashville, no less. I didn’t tell my family, and surely didn’t expect them to be there. I never saw them, but I did see a familiar face. A significantly grown-up Ben Blackwell front and center. It caught me by surprise, that’s for sure, I slipped up a note or two upon seeing him. Though when we met up after, I was surprised how cool I stayed. I hadn’t seen anyone from my past in the years since. Ben has always been the sweet kid. I could never be mad. After that, we always stayed in touch, and whenever one of us was in Detroit or Nashville, we always met up. We recorded a couple tracks too. He’s always been a hell of a drummer.

The band didn’t live long because of the others projects, but I always worked with Frankie when he asked. I even played drums for most of his last album. I got a call while trying to make a drumline for one of the tracks. It was my mom. I hadn’t spoken to her in 14 years. The last time we talked, we’d gotten into the screaming match to end all screaming matches over my focus and direction in life. She didn’t want me to move, she didn’t want me to pursue music, and she didn’t want me to leave John. She always worried I’d die an old maid. I hadn’t dated since Jack, so I can see her concern now.

She dropped the bomb that my dad was sick. Of course, he was sick of all people. He was the most important man in my life. I hated being away from him. I could never bear to see him, and it turns out I’ve been wasting my time with him. All the tour stops, and I hadn’t seen him once. Guilt filled me. I felt the weight of it all. I felt the same tearing feeling, the same gut punch. I told frank everything, and him being him, he sent me off as quickly as possible to be with my family.

My mom didn’t mention the fight. She just hugged me and sent me to my dad’s room. She couldn’t look at me, though.

The moment I entered the house, I could hear Willie Nelson, a Red-headed stranger. It was always his favorite. My dad never showed his pain. He wanted to show us strength. It was heartbreaking to see him now in this state. I pushed it down. We talked for hours, and I told him everything, good and bad. He was always understanding. He knew my mind and reasoning better than I do.

When Ben invited me to a Third Man event, I hesitated. We see each other frequently now that I’m back in town for who knows how long. He always invites me shows and record release parties. I always declined, even though my feelings have changed, I still can’t see jack.

This time though, he said jack wouldn’t be there, something about his kids. Which took me by surprise, yet didn’t surprise me at all. So I agreed. To my dislike. I love ben, but the thought of being in Jack’s business nauseates me.

I watched the show from behind in the control room. Even though id heard it a million times, Ben did not hesitate to talk me through the live recording process. I was half paying attention, aimlessly looking at the crowd.

Then I heard that laugh, the same from all those years ago.

My heart leapt, panic-filled. I about pushed Ben over trying to get his attention. The footsteps. The heavy thuds came down the polished hallway. I nearly tore ben apart, trying to ask him if there was a bathroom.

I was waiting for my breath. There were two entrances. Both blocked. I could either join the band on stage or run straight into the man I’m trying so hard to avoid. Ben looked so frazzled, trying to calm me down. I felt a shiver run through me, and I suddenly stopped. I was frozen, looking at the hallway.

The bustle stopped, the footsteps stopped, all the people around him stopped in confusion. I locked eyes with him the moment he entered the room. No one dared move. Ben looked terrified next to, and the men around jack were whispering to themselves, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Then he spoke, almost like he didn’t believe I was in front of him.

“Rosie?”

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anna-hawk · 3 years ago

Text

🪒 THE MUSTACHE ACCIDENT 🪒

Relationship: Frank Castle x Fem!Reader Fandom: The Punisher Rating: Teen and Up Word Count: 739 Summary: It's all in the title really Prompt: Celebrate, kiss

I'm ending the year with a special dedication to the @pornstache-club. I'm still not into it, but Jon as Blake in “The Unforgivable” has warmed me to the idea of Jon with a mustache. @darlingshane mentioned how he looks a lot like Frank, and since I agree, I decided to give Frank a mustache. Forgive me, all you fellow stache haters XD. Happy New Year, Everyone!

You're in the kitchen and finishing the preparations of tonight's dessert when you hear Frank walking in, bare feet tapping on the wooden floor.

“Need any more help or can I go shave now?” He asks from behind you.

“Shave?” You whip around, spatula in hand, some pastry cream flying off it and to the ground. “Crap,” you mumble as you squat to wipe the drop away.

Standing, you find Frank watching you with raised eyebrows and an amused expression.

“Why would you shave?” You ask again, putting the utensils away for now.

“Maybe so our friends can see my face?” Frank chuckles, scratching over his beard, which, admittedly, has gotten rather long.

“People can see your face just fine… But you could… trim it?”

“Nah, that would take forever to get just right. And it's startin' to itch a bit anyway.”

“But…” You trail off, not knowing what else to say to make him change his mind.

“It'll grow back, you know.” He approaches you and puts his hands on your lower waist; you lift yours to put them on his shoulders. “I'll give you more beard-burn next year,” Frank grins with a knowing look, making you slap at his chest with a playful gasp of outrage.

“Fine… if you must.” You sigh dramatically and push him towards the bathroom, the man chuckling as he walks off.

You resume working on the dessert while you hear the beard trimmer buzzing to life. You don’t know how much time passes, but you’ve just put the cake in the fridge, when Frank comes back.

“Hey, how about I keep this for tonight?”

You had already been turning towards him while he’d been speaking, so you burst out into loud laughter even before he’d finished his sentence.

“What have you done?” You wheeze, staring with wide eyes at Frank with… a goddamn mustache.

Frank’s eyebrows lift as you keep giggling, a hand over your mouth to stop the sounds, but it’s rather useless.

“I meant it as a joke, but it’s not that bad.” Frank strokes his index and thumb over the mustache, from one end to the other, in a swiping motion.

“Frank,” you snort. “It’s a pornstache, is what it is.”

You laugh even harder at your own observation and see Frank mouth the word “pornstache” with a frown.

Frank rolls his eyes with a snort.

“Alright, Smartass. Gonna shave it off before you come up with any more names for it.” Frank turns on his heels and walks back to the bathroom.

“You’d have been a hit in 80s porn,” you shout after him, wiping tears from the corner of your eyes while you still laugh sporadically.

“Funny,” Frank deadpans in answer, making you snort again.

It’s barely two minutes later when Frank comes back with an expression halfway between amusement and exasperation.

“Looks like I’m gonna greet our guests like this.” He waves a hand in front of his still mustache clad face. “The battery’s dead and it takes at least an hour to charge enough for me to get rid of this.”

You blink a few times as you take that information in. Your friends are supposed to arrive in two hours, and you hadn’t finished preparing the table and drinks yet, things you’d intended to do with Frank.

“So this is the face I’m going to have to kiss to welcome the new year?”

“You don’t have to.” Frank crosses his arms and looks down with a shrug.

You look properly at Frank now that you know that the mustache was going to stay until at least the next day. You usually don’t like them. You love beards and Frank’s in particular, but a mustache doesn’t fit every man. You let your eyes drift over Frank’s hair, slightly longer than he wears it most of the time, the soft strands having been casually combed back by his hand. The night blue Henley he’s wearing highlights his skin and suddenly, seeing his searching eyes and his fingers swiping over the facial hair hesitatingly, you can’t help but smile fondly.

“You know what?” You say as you approach him, linking your hands behind his neck to get his attention. “I actually don’t mind it. It’s still your face, and I love it… You.”

The small smile playing at his lips echos on your face before Frank leans in to kiss you sweetly.

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

#frank castle x reader #frank castle #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #BernthirstExtravaganza #jon bernthal #christmas drabble #drabble #tps ff #my writing #fluff #crack #frank castle fanfiction

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fangirlovestuff · 5 years ago

Text

fangirlovestuff's masterlist!

* - indicates smut

all readers are written as female unless specified otherwise

requests are closed!!

series:

Holding Out For a Hero - Steve Rogers x avenger!reader: completed

ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 ch.4 ch.5 ch.6 ch.7 ch.8 ch.9* ch.10 epilogue

Summary: You get recruited to work for the Avengers, which is really anyone’s dream job. So you’re not going to let your little crush on Captain America get in your way. How hard can that be?

The Heart Wants What it Wants - Chris Evans x actress!reader: completed

pt.1* pt. 2 pt.3

Summary: You and Chris meet at an after-party and hit it off, but you know the age gap isn’t going to go over well with the media. What can you do when loving someone can potentially destroy your careers?

Random Objects Headcanons - Chris Evans x reader: completed

Shower* Sink Table Shelves Bed* Bonus!

Summary: Domestic headcanons inspired by random household objects. (less stupid than it sounds, promise, give it a chance!)

Cycle - Steve Rogers x reader: completed

ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 ch.4* ch.5

Summary: You want a relationship but keep getting tangled up in one night stands, while Steve just keeps getting himself friendzoned. When pollar opposites with the same desires meet, will you change each other’s lives?

Rumor Has It - Chris Evans x actress!reader: completed

pt.1 pt.2 pt.3

Summary: It’s just lunch with your coworker, until chris thinks it’s not. Angst/breakup fic. check out the playlist:)

A Very Colin Christmas - Colin Shea x reader: completed

ch.1 ch.2 ch.3 ch.4 ch.5

Summary: You were planning of spending a low-key Christmas at home, when your neighbor / maybe crush asks you for an interesting favor... for you to pretend to be his girlfriend to get his judgy family off of his back. The results? misundersandings, epiphanies, and some holiday spirit.

Silver Lining - Wanda Maximoff x reader: completed

Silver Lining Water Under The Bridge All’s Well That Ends Well

Summary: You’re in a relationship with carol and nat but you were gone for a while on mission. When you get back, the two exclude you from everything, so now, someone new has a chance to enter your life.

headcanons:

friends to lovers - Chris Evans x reader

Hot Pool Stranger - Colin Shea x reader

Fireworks - Steve Rogers x reader

Romantics- Chris Evans x reader

Undercover - Chris Evans x reader

Night Out - Kyle x reader (The Perfect Score)

Playful - Chris Evans x reader

Shopping With Chris - Chris Evans x reader

Pool Day - Chris Evans x reader

(Extra)ordinary - Chris Evans x reader

Comfort - Chris Evans x reader

Cloud Nine - Chris Evans x reader

To Infinity And Beyond - Chris Evans x reader

Going Public - Chris Evans x reader

Be Mine - Chris Evans x reader

Heal - Natasha Romanoff x reader

‘stache Stories - Chris Evans x reader

Chris dating a writer would include... - Chris Evans x reader

cevans dating a young foreigner - Chris Evans x reader

taking each Avenger to a pride parade would be like... - various characters, relationship unspecified

Cuddling with Valkyrie - Valkyrie x reader

A Birthday Before - pre serum! Steve Rogers x reader

Take Care - Chris Evans x reader

andy barber whisking you away on vacation would be like... - Andy Barber x reader

Calm Before the Storm - Chris Evans x reader

taking care of sick Loki would look like... - Loki Odinson x reader

Halloween Headcanons - various cevans characters

oneshots / drabbles:

Chris Cross Applesauce- Chris Evans x reader

Take on Me- Chris Evans x reader

His Haven - Chris Evans x reader

Here - “Me” x reader (Playing it Cool)

You Make Me Feel Right - Steve rogers x reader

Queer Eye - Chris Evans x bi!reader, platonic Scott evans x reader

Knocked it Out of the Park - Colin Shea x reader

Child’s Play - Chris Evans x director!reader

Worth It* - Andy Barber x reader

Family* - Frank Adler x reader

In Your Corner - Chris Evans x reader

A Thin Line || Table For Two - Natasha Romanoff x avenger!reader

Sleepless - Ransom Drysdale x reader

Butterfly Effect || You Give Me Butterflies - Steve Rogers x reader

Loving Him Was Red - Chris Evans x ginger!reader

Don’t Go - Loki Odinson x reader

Home To You - Chris Evans x actress!reader

April Showers Bring May Flowers - Chris Evans x reader

Questioning - Natasha Romanoff x reader

Vacation - Steve Rogers x reader

Spooky Scary Steve - Steve Rogers x reader

Cuddly Chris - Chris Evans x male!reader

An Apple a Day - Ransom Drysdale x doctor!reader

Crazy Ex Boyfriend - dark! Ransom Drysdale x reader

Happy Place - Chris Evans x reader

Magical - Chris Evans x reader

A Tale Of Nephews And Princesses - Chris Evans x reader

Forever - Ari Levinson x male!reader

The Perfect Tree - Jake Jensen x reader

Holding On - Andy Barber x reader

littera scripta manet - Steve Rogers x reader

Everytime - Chris Evans x reader

Wanda Saves Valentine’s - Wanda Maximoff x reader

Smile - Thor Odinson x reader

Chaperone - Chris Evans x reader

Reality TV - Wanda Maximoff x reader

Seasons of Love - Chris Evans x reader

To Many More - Sam Wilson x reader

One Last Kiss - Steve Rogers x reader

More Than Meets The Eye - Steve Rogers x reader

Together - Chris Evans x reader

Daddy Daughter Day - Andy Barber x daughter!reader

Fears and Furniture - Andy Barber x reader

Never Too Late - Chris Evans x reader

Bad Dream - Agatha Harkness x reader

With Love - Carol Danvers x reader

Bad Day - Bucky Barnes x reader

Scary - Sam Wilson x reader

Mine - Natasha Romanoff x reader x Wanda Maximoff

By Next Winter - Carol Danvers x reader

Too Good at Goodbyes - Frank Adler x reader

Romantic Stylez - Jake Jensen x reader

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince - Bucky Barnes x reader

Tiny Dancer - Killian Jones x Emma Swan (Once Upon a Time)

I Will Always Find You - Loki Odinson x reader

Invisible Touch - Agatha Harkness x reader

You Have Me, Heart and Soul || And I’m Yours, Forever - Ransom Drysdale x reader

Shadows - Loki Odinson (not reader insert!)

blurbs:

Tolerate It || Happiness || Sad Beautiful Tragic - Ransom Drysdale x reader

I Want More - Natasha Romanoff x reader

Does Your Mother Know - Steve Rogers x reader

Clean Up In Aisle ‘Shut The Fuck Up’ - Wanda Maximoff x reader

The Good Type Of Pain - Bucky Barnes x reader

Sunsets Don’t Seem As Pretty - Steve Rogers x reader

Harmony - Chris Evans x reader

Cheesy - Agatha Harkness x reader

Sweater Weather - Agatha Harkness x reader

Getaway Car - Wanda Maximoff x reader

Change - Chris Evans x reader

more stuff coming soon!

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans headcanon #chris evans smut #chris evans fluff #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #captain america #masterlist #leila writes #chris evans x female reader #colin shea x reader #colin shea #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader

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cal-a-bungaa · 3 years ago

Note

Not Greta Van Facialhair 😭 Danny better keep it clean or istg I’ll sue

I love josh being the only one with facial hair BUT Jakes rocking that stache.

Frank though… give it up.

#my asks

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worksby-d · 3 years ago

Note

I SINCERELY apologize for tormenting you with the stache, i shall keep it to myself 😏😏

anyway as a peace offering and apology i’ve brought this photo of chris because he’s too cute & i think he looks like Frank+Andy mixed together 🙊

HES VERY CUTE i can't STAND it

also you're absolutely right the beard says frank and the hair says andy we love a combo

#chrisevansonly #answered

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cryptid-killjoy · 4 years ago

Text

Scout in the Renault House

Scout had gone over to the Renault house with intentions of shaking Pierre up, do a little checking up, and had hoped her brother Chip was going to be involved, but low, she found the house devoid of her big bro. She knew it would be because she’d crossed Chip’s path on the way out. The discussion she had with him didn’t change her mind. She still set course for the house with Esmeralda and Agnes in it. Clopin’s family. Their family. She was still going in.

Her plans however had markedly changed. What she found wasn’t what she expected at night either. Empty bedrooms. The twins had ended up in Bastien’s room which left both room completely open to Scout.

She rifled through Pierre’s room first. She would end up in a pair of his boxers, Agnes’s robe, and a pair of his slippers. Her jeans, silken panties, bra, and band tee were left in his garbage can because she had no intentions of changing back. She put her hair up in a Pierre-manbun and drew on a pedo-stache and some stubble on her chin with a pen. She engrossed herself in his room playing the part of Pierre for awhile. What was it like to be Pierre? She picked up his phone and being the shit she was read through his messages easily getting passed locks. She scrolled through his pictures.

She smoked his weed from his own bong and spent much of the evening reading his laptop through her tablet, hooking one up to the other. She looked at his grades from school as she spritz his cologne and lit his incense.

She made lists of his brands, his sizes, anything commonly, colors he seemed to like. She even dared to text Seven in the middle of the night who actually came right over looking for a fuck when all she wrote was “I want you now.” So this was what it was like to be Pierre. Seven of course was shocked to find Scout in his room and not Pierre. He would laugh at her stache and could tell what she was doing. He’d even tell her it wasn’t a bad impression. Seven however was not going to stick around and be in the middle of this so he left rather quickly after Scout shared a few hits on the bong first. He would have texted Pierre to warn him, but that clearly wasn’t going to work when she had his phone. He also wasn’t going to go snooping around the Renault house himself. He just made Scout promise she hadn’t hurt him or buried him alive anywhere just in case before he felt safe leaving. Considering his relationship with the Laveaus he stepped out. He didn’t know how else to warn Pierre without knowing where he was and involved he did not want to be.

She would take a lot of photos of herself on his phone. He took a lot of selfies so she had to do it too. She’d take over exaggerated duck face and serious model poses on his bed, sitting on his dresser, standing in his mirror with that robe open exposing the skin between her breasts. What Seven did not know was she got a picture of his ass as he was climbing out the window.

She texted a few random girls the cheesiest lines she could possibly think of and every girl that actually texted back acted like it was the sweetest thing ever no matter how lame they were. She shook her head at every text to come in.

She texted Zero.

Pierre: Do you and Victor fuck? Zero: Not lately Pierre: did Victor bring Frank back? Zero: I thought you didn’t want to hear this shit? Why all the Vic ?’s Pierre: I just worry about you Pup Zero: I know. That’s why you’re my everything care guy. I love you for it. I promise. I’m good here. Pierre: Good. Night Zero

Scout wanted answers to rumors she got them right through Pierre’s phone. Who knew? She would not delete one text. She put one up of herself with that manbun and stach on his Instagram. It would have so many hits by morning. Some comments would be on Scout’s hotness, others would be laughter at how the impression of Pierre was dead on. It was back and forth.

So, by the time Pierre would ever get back to his room his clothes had been worn, taken, technology invaded, bed rumpled and slept in like Goldilocks, weed smoked, but there would be left a little note.

Sorry I missed you. It would have been fun. Don’t worry. I made myself at home. You have less dick pics than I thought Your sac’s about the same size as your Dad’s though.

The Lizard Queen

She’d lay it right on top of Piper’s hourglass.

Then she’d move along to Agnes’s room where there was honestly less to rifle though, less interesting that is. She came across Chip’s go bag, but she left it where it was. She wouldn’t want to ruin any sort of tactical plans he had. But, it would be there that she fell asleep on Agnes’s big bed with Dug.

“Did she ditch you boy? Come here. Upsie daisy.”

That is how Agnes or whoever walked in the room first would find a Scout dressed as Pierre with a tangible-formed mutant-hellhound sleeping in her bed come morning. Not to mention the twins would wake up in a bed with a cursed-hunchback form of Bastien having grown so thick that his body would be pushing the twins near the edges of the bed. They’d be lucky if they didn’t fall off as their morning alarm clock to wake up. But, Bastien for once would be sound asleep.

#scoutxagnes #scoutxpierre #bastienxtwins

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onekisstotakewithme · 4 years ago

Note

All good things.

Glad we agree on the dead caterpillar. I have a fantasy where Hawkeye and Peg team up and scheme to get rid of it. Maybe a kissing strike?

Im starting at Welcome to Korea and just gonna obsessively write down Peggy facts.

Sorry 😅 *looks around* oh!! *hands buttertarts*

You are the kind of person who I will share my buttertarts with :)

Pear

Ps. Mulcahy is giving Frank sass and I love him for it

Buttertarts! You’re too kind *shares cannolis* here. 💜

Writing down Peggy facts is NEVER a bad idea. Neither is going on strike to rid BJ of the dreaded stache.

PS- in the tradition of Hawkeye, Mulcahy is one of the few religious figures I trust 😅

#if I was Peg (or Hawkeye) I would most certainly refuse

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secretsbehindthenine · 5 years ago

Text

Missing Ninjashow Episodes

IDK how the big the fandom is now, but many of you should know by now that our beloved ninjashow is on Disney Plus!

The bad news? Disney’s being a wonking shoob. As per usual.

So, the gist of this is that there are missing episodes of season 1, while the rest of episodes are out of order. As far as I could tell, season 2 is fine as of 1/31/2020.

There aren’t a lot of missing episodes, to be quite frank with y’all. But, they’re still missing and the screw-up of the episode order is quite grating. Especially if you’re borderline OCD like me and/or missed this show so fucking much that seeing Disney screw up the episodes like this is mad infuriating to you.

In this post, to help out anybody that wants to know, I’m gonna list out the correct order of season 1 episodes in the cut below. Those that are italicized and have a bolded double asterisks (**) are the episodes that are missing from Disney Plus.

Without further ado, here they are:

Last Stall on the Left

Got Stank

So U Think U Can Stank

McFists of Fury

Gossip Boy

House of 1,000 Boogers

Monster Dump

Attack of the Killer Potatoes

The Tale of the Golden Doctor’s Note

Dawn of the Driscoll

Night of the Living McFizzles

Viva El Nomicon

30 Seconds to Math

Monster Drill

Silent Punch, Deadly Punch

Stank’d to the Future

Wave Slayers

Sword Quest

Nukid on the Block

Weinerman Up

Evil Spirit Week

Der Monster Klub

Grave Punchers: The Movie!

Escape from Detention Island

Bash Johnson: 11th Grade Ninja

Shoob Tube**

Stanks Like Teen Spirit**

Raiders of the Lost Nomicon

Rise of the Planet of the Robo-Apes

Secret Stache

Hip Hopocalypse Now

Ninja Camp

McFear Factor

Randy Cunningham and the Sorcerer’s Key

The Ninja Identity

The Ninja Supremacy

Enter the Nomicon

Swampy Seconds

McSatchle

Fart-Topia

The McHugger Games

McFreaks

Sorcerer in Love

Pranks for Nothing

Lucius O’Thunderpunch

Bring Me the Head of Ranginald Bagel!

Weinerman Tested, Cunningham Approved

Sorcerer in Love 2: The Sorceress’s Revenge

McOne Armed and Dangerous

Shloomp! There It Is!

Randy Cunningham: 13th Century Ninja (Parts 1 & 2)**

#rc9gn #randy cunningham 9th grade ninja #randy cunningham ninth grade ninja #ninjashow #disney plus

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exkernal · 5 years ago

Text

Philosophy Class for Rock Bottom Demons: 3/3

Every morning starts the same. After his shower, he takes Jason for his morning walk, rain or shine (though it's usually shine in Arizona). He always stops at the pet-friendly coffee shop just a few blocks from his apartment complex.

It's got nothing on Friends, but Michael finds it charming in its own way.

The early morning patrons are a cross section of humanity. There's the bleary-eyed students with their green hair and nose rings, cramming or killing time with surprisingly affordable coffee. There's the elderly regulars, including the couple who always argues in Spanish, yet at the same time, he always remembers to pick up her extra sweeteners and she always dabs away his espresso-stache. There's the dog walkers in their jogging pants, happy to have a place to relax with their pooches.

Then there's Michael, who's a bit of all three.

To his fellow patrons, Michael Realman is friendly if slightly eccentric, with an equally friendly dog. He can't help himself from talking to whoever will listen. He loves to weave together the story of his human life, sprinkled with embellished little half-truths, like the disapproving, stern father or the love-hate rivalry with his actress sister.

One day his favorite barista, Kelsey, asks if he's married.

Michael tells them that he met his wife a lifetime ago, when he was in a "bad place." He was practically a different person then, one he's not proud of. He can tell they don't believe him--that they can't see him as anything but an enthusiastic and kind old man--but he insists all the same. He says that his wife brought out the best in him, helping him to become the person he is today. She was his partner in crime, who'd gone with him to hell and back, and he's been a little lost since she died.

When Kelsey asks her name, she says, "Eleanor."

Since Chidi left, Micheal's spent his evenings at the clown house. Eleanor has other distractions during the day, like visits with Mindy and Tahani, or strolls down a Senegalese street, but the evenings are for them. The only two non-Janet members of Team Cockroach left in the Good Place. Sometimes he brings chips and queso, and sometimes he brings tubs of Chunky Monkey. Sometimes their watch list is Chidi-approved and cerebral, sometimes it's pure reality TV trash.

"How is it," Eleanor says, scooping a dollop of sour cream and pico, "that crap like Love is Blind is still addictive in Heaven, where I can literally spend my days soaring on a freaking eagle? I keep thinking that I'm going to, like, lose twenty points or something."

"Love is Blind isn't that bad," Michael says. "Okay, the Messica stuff is, but I for one think Cameron and Lauren's relationship is precious. They're love is so pure--" he catches himself, wincing. "Sorry, Eleanor."

"Dude, what are you sorry for?" she says through a mouthful of nachos. "I'm not some fragile little girl who'll collapse because other people are in love. Does it suck that Chidi's gone? Fork yeah it does. But I'm dealing with it."

"Okay," he says. "Then I'm sorry for making it weird."

"You are making it weird by apologizing so much!" Eleanor says, laughing a little. She grabs a throw pillow and whacks him in the chest. It feels like nothing. "So knock it off. We can gush about our feelings and shirt another time. Right now, I just want to unwind with a classic Eleanor and Michael trash bag hangout. That cool?"

"Completely," he says. "Let the trashiness commence."

They sit with his arm around her shoulder and her head resting on the crook of his neck. Michael's relieved they still have this. Though he feels guilty for the thought, he can't help his relief that out of all the humans, she's the one still with him. He misses Chidi and Jason and Tahani every day, but he'd gladly trade them if he can still have Eleanor.

As the episode credits roll, Eleanor peers up at him. "You know, there is something I've been missing since Chidi left, that I think you could help me out with."

"Oh?"

"I've got a certain itch that needs scratching, if you're picking up what I'm putting down."

Michael snaps his fingers excitedly. "Yes! I actually think I am!"

She laughs. "Dude, reign in the adorkableness, or I'm not going to be able to contain myself. But seriously," she adds, voice going low. "Are you interested? Because I know it might be more...complicated for you, and I don't want to ignore your feelings."

Oh, right. In his excitement at finally mastering human coyness, he brushed right past the actual implication.

"It wouldn't be weird for me," he says, stammering a little. "If it's not weird for you, I mean. I just want you to be happy."

"I can think of a few ways you can make me happy," she says, running her fingers through his hair.

He bends down, crashing his lips to hers. He's become quite good at kissing over the Bearimys, or at least, at kissing Eleanor. While the old Michael would've been disgusted by the mere thought, the new Michael craves every touch, from the pressure of her teeth around his lip to the way her thumb glosses over his cheek bone.

"It sounds like you really loved her," Clare says, near the end of their guitar lesson.

"More than anything," he nods.

"You never completely get over loss," she says. "I had the hardest time accepting it when my Frank died. I kept expecting to find him drinking his coffee at the kitchen island or pulling up weeds in the garden. It was a struggle, coming to terms with the fact that I'll never see him again."

"Oh, I think you might," Michael says. He knows that she's heard these tired platitudes ad nausea, but it's true. She will see Francis DiSandro again, once they both pass their Good Place tests. They have that to look forward to. Whereas he knows that he will never, ever see Eleanor again.

He tries to push that thought aside. He doesn't want to think about that now, not here in his friend's dining room, surrounded by her potted plants and twin grandkids' scattered possessions. He spots Ben's open book and Abbie's solitary discarded sock and wonders, fleetingly, what it's like to be a child. That's one human experience that will always be a mystery to Michael.

"That's a lovely thought," she says diplomatically. "Same time Thursday?"

"I wouldn't miss it."

He wonders what it's like to sleep, as he watches Eleanor lying naked under the covers. Eleanor certainly looks peaceful. Innocent, too. The way the sunlight hits her hair makes it almost seem to glow.

She murmurs a happy little sound. Her blue-green eyes flash open.

"This has to be so boring for you," she yawns. "Watching me sleep. I wouldn't be offended if you left."

"I want to stay," he says, stroking her hair. "Besides, what's the rush? I have an eternity of time on my hands."

Eleanor sits up a little. "Are you sure this is okay? I mean, don't get me wrong, the sex is way better than okay--you can it get, demon buddy." His chest swells with pride, despite himself. "But you'd tell me if there were any issues right? Like if it's not cool with you?"

"Of course," he says, smiling at her worried expression. "But you don't have to worry, because I'm way more than cool with it."

He's not sure how she can think that it's anything less than bliss for him.

Dreams are some of his favorite human things (at the very least, they're in his top 200 favorite things) but he could do without the nightmares.

Sometimes he's in the Bad Place during his apprentice days. He hears the familiar soundtrack of screams as he tortures his assigned human, only to realize after he's ripped off its fingernails that it's Jason or Chidi or Tahani or Eleanor. Sometimes his friends are being tortured by Shawn, Trevor, and Vicki while he watches in helpless horror. They beg him to save them, but try as he might, he can't reach them in time.

He wakes up in the dark, panting. It's just a bad dream, he tells himself. He saved his humans, and all of them lived out their best existences in the Good Place.

But it's not enough to stop the flood of bad memories. Michael at his desk, mapping out his grand neighborhood scheme. Michael cackling evilly in Eleanor's face. Michael gleefully tossing humans into the lava pits. Of all of the souls that he tortured, how many actually deserved it? Maybe ten. Ten, out of millions. The kindly, harmless Michael that his friends and neighbors know has tortured more people than any human war criminal.

He remembers what Jason said about guilt versus shame.

Gingerly, Michael gets out of bed, careful not to disturb Jason (the dog) curled up at his feet. He puts on his slippers, stubbing his toe in the process (an experience that's both delightful and painful). He pours himself a glass of water because that's what they always do in the movies whenever they have a bad dream.

He's had so many human experiences now, the kinds he could only dream of before. That peculiar chemical tang in his hair after swimming in a chlorinated pool. Waiting forty minutes on a customer service call. Feeling his stomach rumble with pesky hunger pains, his bones ache whenever he was exhausted yet couldn't sleep, the sweet release of a pee break after a two-hour road trip. Some days it's enough to make him forget that he was ever anything but human, until nightmares like this remind him that he was a demon once, too.

Maybe one day he'll come to terms with being both.

"Eleanor?" Michael asks.

"Sup, demon bud?" Eleanor flashes him a classic Shellstrop smile. "Or should I say, soon-to-be-human bud?"

"That's what I want to talk about," he says quickly, licking his lips. They're in the clown house, waiting for Janet to escort him to the portal. In fifteen, maybe ten minutes time, he's going to leave the Good Place. Who knows when (or if) he'll ever be back? "How do I know this is the right decision? What if I go to Earth, realize it's a mistake, and then it's too late to go back?"

"Having second thoughts, I see. How very human of you," she says. "Let's talk this out. How are you really feeling?"

"Nervous," he says after careful thought. "But also excited. It's an equal mix of both."

"Michael, that's like the most human combo ever," she says, patting his back. "I don't think we ever go through any major change without feeling both nervous and excited at the same time."

"Really?"

She nods. "That's just how it is. Look, I arranged this whole thing because you deserve to be happy. If you really don't want to, don't. But if you're just grappling with the whole all-change-is-scary-even-good-change deal, than I say take that leap."

A leap into faith. That's what this is, isn't?

"You're right," he says. "I'm just being silly."

Her smile is so bright. He wishes he could freeze this moment forever, so he can always see her smiling like this. "You're just being human."

The door opens.

"Michael?" Janet says. Her voice is as pleasant as always, but something's a little off. "They're ready for you now."

The finality hits him like a runaway trolley. He looks into Eleanor's eyes into a momentary panic, because they both know that this is it. Unless he's hit by a truck the second he gets to Earth, Eleanor will have already walked through the door by the time he dies. This is it for them.

Without breaking eye contact, she cups his face into her hands.

"I love you, Michael," she says.

He knows it's not the same kind of love that she has for Chidi, or that Michael has for her, but it means everything to him that she said it.

"I love you, too," he says. His eyes sting. There are tears in her eyes, too, threatening to spill over.

"Look at us saps," he sniffles. "Getting all weepy."

"Pretty pathetic, huh?" he says, dabbing at his eyes.

"Michael, promise me that you're going to live it up down there. That you'll be the most adorkable, bad ass, awesome silver fox that you can be."

"I promise."

That's his last image of Eleanor: her standing in the doorway, rubbing the the tears off of her face.

Today's lesson is on Clare's front porch. It's a warm, breezy day after a week of blistering heat, so they're savoring it together. From the window they can see Abbie and Ben in the living room, watching cartoon dinosaurs. From what Michael gathers, the little T-Rex is friends with the group of herbivores, though they don't all trust him yet.

"Congratulations, Michael," Clare says. "You've officially made it to intermediate level."

He might not be selling out stadiums any time soon, but he's flustered with pride at how far he's come since his first artistic fumbling. If only his friends could hear him now.

"We'll still have lessons, right?" he asks, plucking at the guitar strings.

"Well, I certainly won't refuse if you want to continue paying me," she says. They chuckle.

"You know," Clare says, as Michael strums along to a half-remembered tune. "We could always see each other outside of lessons. We can have dinner sometime, if you want. I know this Italian place I think you'd like, if you're free this weekend."

He looks at her and smiles. "I'd like that."

#the good place #hellstrop #michael x eleanor #eleanor shellstrop #michael (the good place)

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