#i love disappointing myself into being proven right

[angelicstalker]

Hm.

[lafaiette]

I finally managed to extract Pen's lines from the game's data (not all of them, I still need some from his romance scenes), and I wanted to share other translation differences I found. I will update this as soon as I find more interesting stuff!

English: "Darling, I never tire of you staring lovingly at my perfectly carved form. The longing in your eyes makes me determined to become the protector of your dreams." Chinese: "Babe, when you look at me, the look of deep admiration in your eyes really moves me. I look so majestic in your eyes! I will always use this strong body of mine to protect you!"

English: "Your love for me is like a relic weapon. Rare, powerful, sublime, blasts anyone within a close radius to smithereens…" Chinese: "Your love for me is so deep. It's so powerful and unique. It's like a deadly weapon, gripping my heart tightly and immobilizing it!"

English: "Darling, if anyone outside Sandrock ever does something to harm you... just say my name. I promise they will quake in fear. Even in Duvos, my name is feared." Chinese: "If someone wants to hurt you [it's more "bully/bother", but you get the sense] outside of Sandrock, you can just tell them my name. Even in Duvos, no one will dare lay a finger on you."

English: "I felt something move inside of me... my pecs? No... deeper. Maybe this is what it feels like to be Space Punched? Soon let us once more foray into encountering." Chinese: "I feel like something in my chest, deep, deep down, has been shaken... Hahaha! Don't worry, my Space Flying Fist [Space Punch] is not ruined! I had a great time today. Let's go on another date when we have time!"

English: "I will never refuse an opportunity for you to express your admiration for me. So, where are you taking me?" Chinese: "Aha! I will never refuse your admiration for me! Tell me, where do you want to go?"

English: "Skinny Arms, you impress me with your apt observations of me. You know my tastes impeccably. Originally, I had organised my regimen to the second, but when presented with such a devout offering, I will permit myself a, as they say, "cheat day." Chinese:"Little weakling [Skinny Arms], I didn't realize you knew my preferences so well. I've been recently building muscle and strictly controlling my diet. Okay! I'll let go of my diet today and not disappoint your good intentions [also "kindness"]."

English: "Skinny Arms! I'm impressed. I can't say I thought you had it in you, but yes, here you are, presenting your hero with a glorious gift to help with defending this town. But fear not, the one who could defeat the "Protector of Sandrock" has not yet been born." Chinese: "Little weakling, I'm touched. I thought you wanted to keep this for yourself. It doesn't matter, you dedicated it to the "Guardian of Sandrock Town", so let me use this to protect you. In this world, the person who can defeat me was not born yet!"

English: "You know, I was just thinking how it's so hard being so strong and handsome; it's like... I've been bestowed with so many gifts. Sometimes I wish other people could know what it's like." Chinese: "Is it my fault that I'm strong and handsome? So many people give me gifts every day. Ugh, I wish someone could understand my problems."

English: "Lately I've been training my guts! That's right, the spicy new noodle dish at the Blue Moon has proven to be more than a match for my otherwise iron intestines. But I'll win in the end, I always do! Oof… hold that thought. Bathroom." Chinese: "Recently, I've been having diarrhea with an unusual frequency, and it's all because of the Blue Moon's new Super Popular Noodles [Drool With Joy Noodles], which are so hot that even a man of my iron will can't resist them. The key is that the spicier it gets, the more you want to eat it, and I can't control my mouth at all!"

[mammalsofaction]

Cupid, Cupid Shot Me 5 Times in the Heart

Rating: T

Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus

Add tags: Hurt/Comfort, Divine Wrath, Divine Hubris, Roman Gods, Human Perry the Platypus, ASL, pining, idiot4idiot

A/N: Dedicated to @erizumon for being a sweet cheerleader, @adhdoofenshmirtz for the awesome prompt that I couldn't resist even if it took FOREVER, and @agentlizardofowca for putting up with me complaining about proofreading

---

Perry's at the point of his career–as the uncle of the Flynn-Fletcher twins, arch-nemesis of Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz as well as the best agent Danville's OWCA had to offer–that he often thinks he's really seen everything.

Heinz, in this case, often and with joyful vindication, trumps the laws Quantum metaphysics nearly every day. Sometimes accidentally. His nemesis is the one who's taught him best the boundary between realities can often be as flimsy as a blue-print, and the difference between success and failure for even the most mad of ambitions may sometimes be luck, coffee and determination.

What he's trying to say, here: Perry keeps thinking Heinz can't really surprise him anymore, scheme wise. Today, he was proven wrong once again.

The trap snaps him up upon entry; Perry finds himself hanging by a tangle of ropes hanging from the ceiling. It pulls him into a pose that was a bit on the nose, considering the date. His left leg suspended and tied close to his back, leaving him partially horizontal, and forcibly arching his back, his arms stretched out into an archer's bow.

Cupid. Right. Valentine.

The first thing he notices was the behemoth of an inator; metal molded in hearts, chrome, scarlet and pink.

The second thing he notices is the raised platform in its heart, colored bone white and curved into a ribcage.

Say what you will about Heinz, but he would always stick to a theme.

"Always a pleasure to see you again, Agent P, " the man croons, stepping out of the shadows. His sneer is a poor facade over unrepentant, almost cruel glee. It made him look more evil than he truly was, and it ratchets his blood ever hotter. Perry chitters, but Heinz barely gives him a second glance.

"I'm sure you've been made aware of what day it is." Heinz drawls as he began to pace, shooting a scathing look past the bounds of his balcony. "Neither should you be surprised I've got a grudge or two to keep.

"You see, Perry the Platypus, as is the case for everything else, my love life has only ever been a neverending trail of heartbreak and misery. Middle school crushes, high school prom dates...I've even fallen out with the mother of my daughter, and we used to be pretty good friends in college! Nothing but a trail of failure and disappointment on both our halves...but mostly on mine.

"Recently, I have found myself fallen for this, ah, another candidate." Here, Perry notices another two things; one, the deliberate, albeit curious avoidant of pronouns, and on two, how the man pointedly avoiding his eye.

Both facts which contribute to a hopeful skip to his heart rate... completely inappropriate to his circumstances. This was not the time to be daydreaming.

(Nevermind that he had never had an indication of where Hein swung, in a sense, and how some implications were really opening things up for him.)

Heinz was still monologuing, naturally. "Which might even be a case more impossible than the last. I mean, we're ideologically opposed in most, if not all our moral grounds, and he's...God, he's too good for me, too much better looking. Way out of my league, it'll be like-like shooting for the moon, except I've already done that successfully multiple times, so-what's more impossible than the moon? Mars? Maybe a distant star of another solar system, maybe the Andromeda. I don't know, one of her fast moving moon systems. It doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is," Heinz shakes his head, trying to focus. "It's impossible. He's impossible, I've got no chance, and I'm destined for another crash and burn not too far down the line, and being reminded of this stupid holiday makes it even worse, because I don't even know if he's-he's attracted to guys like that, or if he's even single! He could be out there on the arm of some...girlfriend or wife with three kids and I'd never know! Or maybe it would be more merciful if I didn't let myself know--but it doesn't matter," Heinz says vehemently, eyes closed and fists shaking like he's once again forcibly attempting to focus, while Perry wiggles in his trap with his heart in his throat thinking loudly that he had the kids, but not the wife, on account of being apparently and decisively gay and available, if that was at all relevant to certain interested parties.

Read the rest on Ao3

[catflowerqueen]

I know I said I was going to take a break from TSAMS, and I probably will double down even harder on that after what just happened in today's episode... but I just couldn't help myself after seeing posts from some of my mutuals and their followers.

Rant below. If you do read, please take it with a grain of salt--there is probably context I've missed since I haven't been keeping up with the series the way I used to considering how disappointed I've been with the direction the story has seemed to be heading for quite a while now.

Immediate thoughts:

Way to not tell Old Moon the whole story, Monty. Especially after hearing him tell you he has no idea who Solar is. You know perfectly well that New Moon is in this state, negatively interacting with his family, precisely because he is still trying to help another family member. Solar is family! Family who everyone else is grieving! You are intentionally leaving out tons of context, and at this point I am still half convinced you're doing it because you, personally, couldn't divorce Solar from the other Eclipse(s) who personally harmed you. So this is just a convenience, getting a Moon back who is more likely to enable you and go along with your shenanigans.

And it also makes me think that you, personally, just never got over Old Moon's death or respect his choices at all, that you would be willing to do the exact same thing New Moon is trying to do, just in a supposedly "cleaner" fashion: Kill someone else to get the loved one you personally want back. The difference being that, again, Old Moon chose to sacrifice himself so someone else could live, unlike like Solar, who was a casualty of someone else's cruel plot, and New Moon is going after people who have actually done a lot of harm and murder. Unlike New Moon, who I am pretty sure hasn't actually killed anyone yet. Or at least no one that the others didn't agree was an acceptable target.

It also reminds me of how generally off and combative Lunar has been toward New Moon this entire time. Like--I really, really don't think Lunar ever got over Old Moon's death in any sort of healthy fashion, and I do wonder if he isn't still doing some sort of weird, internalized survivor's guilt deal, since he at one time offered to be Moon's "happy" and protect him, but then just ran off with basically no warning and didn't get the chance to apologize or even say goodbye before Old Moon died.

Not to mention that Lunar knew from Solar what the likely consequences would be of trying to remove KC, but didn't think to/have a chance to warn Sun or Old Moon.

New Moon isn't Lunar's Moon... so Lunar just never bothered to really get to know him or kindle a relationship, especially since he got a shiny new sister with no pre-existing baggage to hang out with. Rather than confront or acknowledge his past with Sun and Moon beyond the fact that an Eclipse was around.

Seems like, in general, everyone else is now reaping the consequences of the fact that Moon isn't around right now to be the pillar who cleans up their messes and problems. Because that usually is his role--he works behind the scenes to quash what problems he can before they get bad, or he does the most to try and fix things and find solutions while everyone else just messes around and then blames him for not doing better when he fails.

Like... right before the first October takeover. Sun got upset when he found out Moon didn't really have a real plan to prevent the takeover from happening, and said he wished Moon had told him earlier... but did Sun even think to really ask? Or offer his own potential plan? It doesn't really seem like it! Because that was Moon's job.

It's always Moon's job.

The only times he's really gotten help are when Monty was involved--which even Monty today admitted was not always the greatest of situations--or when he had Solar.

But then he had neither, since Monty today has seemingly proven they never actually cared about New Moon as their own person. And Solar is gone.

Why are they so surprised now that Moon--either Moon--has hit his breaking point?

Also--they should have given New Moon Yahtzee to play with! Moon at least gave Sun a mirror to look at when he trapped him in that magic box, and they gave Ruin a Monopoly board and streaming abilities when he asked. Old Moon has a sunset and can't really perceive the passage of time!

But, no, New Moon gets absolutely nothing.

And they are surprised he isn't getting better? There are reasons why solitary confinement is considered such a harsh punishment! Getting no mental stimulation does things to a person, and I can only imagine that it is worse for animatronics, considering how much processing power they have and how fast their thoughts must move!

Final thoughts:

If they are using this an excuse to bring Old Moon back permanently, then I just feel like they should have done this very shortly after his death to begin with. That way it would have just been a case of a minor amnesia plotline--not murder, like even Monty admits it will be.

And, for that matter, why is it Moon who never gets a second chance after death? Lunar and Earth have "died," but they got to keep their memories. Eclipse and Bloodmoon have died, but they get both a pass for past actions--which is fair, since, again, they aren't really them--while still reaping the benefits of having those memories uploaded into them, to learn from or ignore at their discretion.

But New Moon got all the blame and consequences while getting none of the benefits, and now they just want to kill him off anyways.

It just makes me so angry and sad.

(And secretly kind of wondering if maybe we accidentally switched Point of Views to a different dimension without realizing it, and our original, beloved Sun and Moon/New Moon are still out there, somewhere, living their best lives with no idea of what the viewers are currently seeing. Though I would still be so sad for the versions we are seeing right now if that was, indeed, the case.)

...And that was quite a rant. Please remember what I asked about taking things with a grain of salt, and forgive me if I ended up being wildly inaccurate with any of my information or assumptions.

[sgiandubh]

Little sparrow

One tiny thing went, I think, totally under the radar in that morning story that swept the fandom from Paris to Vegas and back.

This (with credit and thanks given to @margareth-lv, who captured the reference in her screenshot: my laptop is not that intelligent):

Famously sung by Edith Piaf, you couldn't imagine something more endearingly cliché, when it comes to immediately suggest being in the City of Love - ooh là, là, Paris (and then some more, as rightfully pointed out by other fandom historians and archivists).

La vie en rose (Life in Pink - nope, you can't be more cheesy, I am afraid) is iconic for a reason. It speaks about attraction (yes, that attraction), about whispering sweet nothings, about giving in but not quite yet. But then everything suddenly makes sense and things are being said and sworn, for life.

This is, in fact, a very serious song about a love covenant of sorts. But then, many French things look damn light, but are dead serious.

I know it by heart, of course, and if drunk enough (almost never) and prompted (almost always), I can deliver a decent version. But for the sake of science, I wanted to hear Emily Watts' version (by now, if you follow my #sundaysounds, you know how impossibly exacting I am).

I imagined it as a clean, nice and pretty version, not unlike what Emily in Paris is to... well.... Sgian-dubh in Paris, for example 🙃. And I wasn't disappointed: it's light, it's unbearably tidy and it totally lacks Little Sparrow's (piaf means 'little sparrow', in French, btw) canaille erotic tension (for a comparison, if you feel brave: https://youtu.be/sKJ9bvdgNvk?si=zPs2H1vTCJm6Ilum):

No terribly plucked eyebrows and no lipstick overdose, here. Everything is impeccable and very, very, tame, in a non-existent Parisian summer afternoon, where the Seine never stinks and all the parks are carefully propped for the right artistic impression. Well, then - must be some random choice, I told to myself.

And then, I saw this:

And, being deranged, I immediately thought of this:

Forget me not.

For all of you who get my gist and perhaps even for Those Two, wherever they might be, I raise you one true Little Sparrow:

And for once, don't ask me to translate the lyrics, please.

This is Paris, fandom. And let it be my mistake and my sin, then, if I am proven wrong (I won't). I don't really care.

[yuseirra]

I've actually become really.. Even more confident with my hikaai analyses (until I get proven wrong..haha) hear me out on why I feel this way, okay?

In the latest chapter, it was revealed that Ai's boyfriend is someone who offers things for Ai, and falls into ruin because of it. He believes there is some kind of destiny for himself. That much, we can all agree with, huh?

If that’s the case, then "Fatal" is this person’s song.

In that case, I’ve already secured the basic points if this were a test, and now I’m just waiting to collect the extra points!

It’s not really about me trying to convince myself...this is really true!

From the start, I always predicted that Hikaru’s breakdown only happened after Ai’s death. The question was never whether he fell apart, but rather how much. He’s always been such an ambiguous character whose exact actions were left unclear.

I got this part right, and honestly, it was the most important part. It wasn’t this person who harmed Ai. (So actually, Aqua’s target for revenge is no longer this person. It’s easy to miss this since the story moves so quickly.)

It’s also confirmed that he was originally a genuinely good person. This part was validated when the god herself confirmed he had a noble and refined soul.

This means Hikaru is not the kind of person who falls into ruin just because something bad happens to him. It was Ai’s death that led to his downfall. In fact, considering everything this character has been through, this makes him closer to "kind," and his mental fortitude is incredibly strong. The idea of him being "noble" aligns well with this. So, ultimately, this confirms that the personality depicted in the flashbacks(the movie arc) is accurate to his true character.

If this is the case, it also explains why Ai liked him so much and wanted to save him, making everything fall into place.

Now, the only question that remains is whether he will actually be saved or if he will remain a terrible criminal. (And honestly, this is the same situation the character was in before the movie arc—it’s like we’ve come full circle. However, now there’s the added advantage of two key pieces of information: Ai wanted to save him, and he really was originally a good person.)

To be honest... I feel like we need to see how the character himself acts before we can properly judge him.

It’s similar to judging a real person.

I feel it’s still too early to jump to conclusions just from seeing a text that goes he's a terrible guy who's killed a lot of people. There hasn’t been a single image of him doing anything specific yet... So, while we can take it into consideration, it is only when we get more detailed flashbacks or scenes where the character himself expresses his own thoughts, that will likely confirm everything.

Given that everything I predicted so far has been right(I really, really did get so many things accurately), it feels highly likely that the story will go the way Ai hoped, with this character being saved.

I’ve been following closely, and I've noticed that even in his "ruined" state, this character still shows a lot of kindness. Plus, he’s an actor and just as much of a liar as Ai was, so you have to really pay attention to interpret him correctly. You can’t just believe what you see!

Right now, I’ve scored over 70 points out of 100 if this were to be a test, but I feel confident that I’ll end up with over 90.

Since we’ve already established that he didn’t hurt Ai and that Ai genuinely wanted to help him, this means there’s a strong narrative push in that direction, and my conclusions about the character are likely to be right, which makes me feel even more confident.

If "Fatal" really is this character’s song, then yes, the emotions in that song—desire, disappointment, despair—are definitely present.

But surprisingly, the song has much less selfishness or possessiveness than one might expect. So, I felt like it wasn’t such a bad kind of love, which is why I’ve depicted that couple so much.

It’s a love where you give and give, without expecting much in return. You just want to hear their voice, to catch their gaze, to have them comfort your pain again. The lyrics even mention that their "fatale" belongs to "no one". It’s a kind of selfless love where you want them so desperately that you can’t live without them, while offering up everything you have, but asking for so little in return. This is a very devoted love. If it were one-sided, it might feel overwhelming or creepy, but with Ai and Hikaru, it’s mutual.

If you look at Hikaru’s actions in Chapter 160 (his testimony is likely the truth, even if Tsukuyomi’s stated goal is real, that kind of motivation would only arise after Ai’s death.) It means this person didn’t have confidence that Ai loved him, so he desperately craved her love in this way. That makes it pitiful. He makes a pass to be Ai's lover, in my book. He seems like a good person. And I take love VERY seriously... haha... I believe love isn’t about receiving, but more about giving. It’s about giving without regret... The narrators of "Mephisto" and "Fatal" embody this a lot.

They don’t ask for much from the other person while giving everything they have. That’s the kind of love Ai’s boyfriend has. What he gives may be a question,(or questionable) but I doubt Ai would have failed to notice a guy capable of harming Ruby(their own daughter for goodness sake) or involved in serial killings... haha. Plus, if he’s described as once having been "noble", a person like that probably wouldn’t cross that final line. Ruby didn't, and I find Ruby having taken after his character quite a bit, they make the same expressions. There’s a higher chance he kept his boundaries intact.

Things will unfold the way Ai wanted them to. The things this person has actually done are quite different from what’s been said about him.

He’s not someone who acts strongly or aggressively—he’s too gentle for that. It’s not that he’s pretending to be kind while having a foul heart; rather, I see he’s pretending to be dark when he’s actually not, which is why his true nature shows through.

It’s true that Ai found and fell in love with a genuinely good person, and they had a period where they were happily together. So I can already see the story heading towards him being saved after being broken by her loss. Ai wants to save the boy who's been deeply suffering and is straying far off after what's happened to her. That's the narrative the story is heading towards, it's the most natural path and I see it coming. Ai is right. She found someone REALLY sweet and he got destroyed, so she wants to help him get back to the way he was.

I’ve gotten the overall structure right, and now I just need to collect the extra points :)

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I’ve seen people on Twitter talk about how Hazbin Hotel was snubbed since it wasn’t nominated for an Emmy and talking about how people who don’t like the show are happy about it and like.

Idk I can only speak for myself, but tbh I’m kinda sad that the show, from the beginning, just…wasn’t good. Not Emmy good, at the very least. (more below)

There’s this weird expectation that, if you are at all critical or dissatisfied with what the Hazbin show ended up being, that you’re a horrible person who is obsessed with seeing everyone who worked on the project fail, and have just hated the show and its creator since the beginning of time and like…

I did not want the show to be bad!! I was really hoping that I’d be wrong, that I’d be pleasantly surprised, that the show would be entertaining and well written and paced. But, for me, it just wasn’t.

I have tried to be very forthcoming about the things I liked and what I wished the show would have focused on more. I wanted to like the show!!! I would have LOVED the show if its writing and animation were on par with other adult animated shows.

However when it came out, it had a LOT of problems, and it seems really clear to me that the National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences picked up on them, just as I did.

It’s so odd to me that a lot of Hazbin “super-fans” think that if you’re critical of the show you must hate it, because the majority of people I’ve spoken to who are very critical of the series ARE fans of the series who felt disappointed by it when it actually came out.

Switching gears a bit—It’s genuinely kind of disheartening to see so many people prop the show up as if it was the best most perfect best show ever when, in reality, Hazbin is a perfectly serviceable and fun show, but is not as deep or as well-crafted as it claims to be, and as a lot of other adult animation that’s out right now.

Recently, I’ve seen this belief develop in some fandoms that what you love needs to be somehow validated or “proven” to be good by winning an award or receiving accolades.

And while I definitely understand the desire to see something you love be recognized for the artistry that’s put into it, the truth is that sometimes there are really really good pieces of art and media that don’t get the recognition they deserve, and there are really really bad pieces of art and media that are treated like holy grails.

Like I’m saying all of this as someone who’s favorite movie is fucking Tron: Legacy. I LOVE Tron Legacy. It’s so fun and I love the characters and environment. But it’s also bad!!! It’s a very convoluted plot, and characters don’t get a lot of development and it has the “born sexy yesterday” trope which I hate and it’s one of my favorite movies of all time!!! I love it!!

But it doesn’t have to be a perfect masterpiece for it to be a masterpiece to me personally. I can recognize that while I love it, it’s not particularly amazing by any means. It’s kind of a shit show. The story and writing and cinematography don’t deserve any big awards. But I love it and that’s all that matters!

I do not think that Hazbin Hotel deserves any awards for being an excellent television show, and I can also really see why the people who decide Emmy nominations did not nominate it.

But who cares what I think!! My favorite movie is Tron Legacy! And I completely unironically love the 1993 Super Mario Bros. Movie!!!

The point I’m trying to make is that, while yes, it can be disappointing when something you love isn’t recognized, but that shouldn’t take away the value the show has to you if you love it.

Hazbin Hotel can be a bad show, and it can still be your favorite show that you love more than anything. Tron Legacy can be a bad movie and I can still love it and think it’s peak cinema. It’s okay. It’s okay to like and love media that isn’t perfect. It’s okay to criticize the media you love.

[onekindredspirit]

Eagles - Revisited

(a train journey across Canada in the months before the pandemic)

For Maria

“I reckon they’re eagles!” That’s Tim. He’s excited. The dining car is full of people and it’s loud. For some reason, if you put a lot of humans into a confined space they will yell at each other. Around our table there’s Tim, he’s a retired London detective, there’s a teacher from Newfoundland, an Australian and me. We’re somewhere in the Rockies of Canada and Tim thinks he sees eagles. Tim also thinks I ‘know things’, so I’m not totally convinced about the eagles.

“Where?” That’s the Australian. Her accent is a brutal drawl, like the sawing of a blunt serrated knife across the back of the hand.

“There! They’re big birds.” He’s pointing, very excited now.

I can’t see anything but I decide I need to contribute something anyway, “But are they real?”

Retired London detectives don’t much care for nonsense.

“Of course they are!” Tim snaps back at me.

Perhaps coming to my defence, the Australian decides to take him down.

“They’re not eagles … I reckon they’re crows.”

Tim’s hurt “They are!” The level of his indignation easily exceeds the pointlessness of the conversation and so the farce begins.

I tune out. A mind is a wonderful place if you can tame it … but good luck with that.

Suddenly I’m brought back – “He ‘knows things’ you know.” Tim’s making a public declaration and all eyes are on me.

“Whadda ya mean?” The Australian is sceptical.

“He ‘knows things’ I tell you!” Tim is my biggest supporter.

“Like what?” The Australian picks up the scent.

Now Tim has to prove I ‘know things’ … I hope it doesn’t go to a Senate Committee.

“Well, he knew how old I was.”

It’s true.  Tim had asked me, “How old do you think I am?”

I didn’t hesitate - “71.” My immediate reply stunned him.

“How did you know that?”

“I just do.”

Magicians don’t show their audience the secrets of their tricks, do they? But okay, in a previous conversation Tim had told me the year he’d joined the ‘force’ and I had then enquired about his age on joining … mathematics is also a wonderful thing.

But the Australian isn’t going to accept this flimsy story as evidence of my “knowing things”. She wants more proof. I expected that. Their entire culture was built on a challenge to authority. So perhaps I do ‘know things’ after all.

“Okay, whadda ‘bout this?” the Australian begins. Now it’s the big test for me. I’m feeling fit, I’ve been in training for months and my fighting weight is perfect.

The Australian continues “We were at a talk last night, in the observation car, about agriculture in Alberta.”

Tim nods “It was good.” I love his optimism.

“You weren’t there were you?” The Australian would have done well during the McCarthy era communist ‘witch hunts’ of the 1950’s.

“No.” I almost laugh. Of course not, I was someplace else on the train, enjoying my somewhat tamed mind.

“Okay then, tell us … how much do you think a combined harvester costs?”

I don’t hesitate “Between $400,000 and $500,000.”

The look of disappointment on the Australian’s face is kind of funny. Tim, on the other hand, is gleeful to be proven right after suffering such a bad loss over the eagles.

“See, I told you!”

The Australian narrows her eyes. She smells a rat. “You were there weren’t you?”

“He wasn’t!” That’s Tim, he’s still my biggest supporter.

“No, I wasn’t there.” I confirm.

“Tell him!” Tim is going in for the kill.

“$450,000 ...” Her voice trails off. The Australian doesn’t like being wrong.

So the wonders appear to continue but there’s no mystery here either. I live in a rural community and I have an inquisitive mind. One day I had asked myself “I wonder what a combined harvester costs?” You’ve probably asked yourself the same question at one time or another.

For the rest of the journey I wear the aura of a man who ‘knows things’. It’s an enigmatic position to take in life. In part, you are ‘messiah’. You walk the corridors of the train surrounded by a spectral glow, robes flowing, your hands outstretched offering benedictions and people whisper “he ‘knows things’ you know.” On the other hand, being ‘messianic’ is a lonely business but I don’t mind, I have my somewhat tamed mind for company.

Of course I made the ‘messiah’ bit up. I have a wish that life could be just a little more absurd than it already is. In truth, only Tim thinks I know things. The Australian thinks she’s been tricked and everyone else on the train couldn’t care less, which is how I like it.

Later … days later our train pulls into Toronto. My hotel is only 100 metres from the station so I linger in the compartment, packing, dreaming.

When I finally get to the baggage carousel I’m surprised to see Tim. He has his back to me. There is a younger man with him and they have the body language of two people who know each other well. Both are English and it’s obvious the younger guy was also on the train, judging by the baggage labels on his luggage. But this is the first time I’ve seen them together, which I find strange.

Then Tim reacts. I presume the hairs on the back of his neck have suddenly stood on end because he turns. Maybe that’s how he became a detective in the first place – he has good instincts.

Tim recognizes me and completely fails to disguise the look of alarm in his eyes.

There’s something about the younger man … and then comes that feeling, like the fitting of the final piece in a jigsaw, and I understand.

We all have things we feel we need to hide. Mostly the world isn’t looking but if you happen to end up on a train with someone who ‘knows things’, it’s very hard to escape the truth … some people just ‘know things’.

Tim hurriedly looks away.

I’m sorry to have unsettled him and all I really want to say now is “Tim, eagles are real”.

- One Kindred Spirit

[caylinmiraki]

My relationship with The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

I love TotK, I really do. It's fun to play and to explore for a while. But that's it. I kinda have a toxic relationship with this game. It gives me the highest heights just to shove some pretty unnecessary hindrance in my face.

tl;dr: Erasing BotW from TotK was the worst thing they could've done to this game. It's hard to believe that this game's got 5 years of development under its belt. It truly is a disappointing Masterpiece.

I’m just going to head right in.

I absolutely adore a well-written story and exploring new Lands to see what kind of secrets it holds. and am someone who really can't deal with spoilers of any kind, so color me surprised when the second memory I encountered was the one near Lurelin Village where it's exposed that we got a fake Zelda. It felt great to have my theory proven right because I’ve cleared a few Stable Quests before looking for the Tears and figured it out (isn’t very difficult I know). But when I realized that I’d skipped a massive part of this story I was disappointed because I expected a story progression like Botw but ended up spoiling myself with one of the most impactful memories. At the same time, it was so frustrating to see everyone dance on the palm of this impostor's hand while the player knows exactly what's going on and you/Link couldn't do anything about it.

The fact that almost no one recognized Link or even knew of him was also so frustrating; infuriating even. This legendary Hero saved Hyrule along with Princess Zelda in a 100-year-long battle, only to be forgotten? While everyone knows of Zelda? Like, you wanna tell me that the whole time Zelda traveled the lands of Hyrule to learn about the people and forge connections, Link wasn't with her? Her appointed knight that never leaves her side?

I know they chose to basically erase him to make the story less complicated for people who didn't play BotW, but let's be honest the amount of players that fit this criteria can't be more than 5%, and that's thinking generously, so why ruin the experience for the other 95%? Besides a small part of the Zora, the Stableowners, the people at Lookoutlanding, some Shieka, and the Yiga-Clan no one knows about him. In addition to that we also only get two mentions of the champions from botw. Mipha is referenced and I think Daruk gets a mention as well. When I entered Zoras Domain in TotK and saw that they had replaced Miphas Statue with a statue of Link and Sidon (which I find hideous tbh) I was so fucking furious. I adore her and they just pushed her onto some faraway cliff to collect dust. I think Daruk gets referenced in a dialog with Yunobo but that’s it, besides his statue in Goron City. Urbosa and RevalI have been completely forgotten it appears. They could have at least referenced those two regarding their successors having similar powers.

However, I have to say that Gerudo Desert was one of the best areas in TotK with a nice twist to the Questline leading up to the Dungeon. The Desert is being plagued by weird undead monsters and shrouded in a never-ending sandstorm. Gerudo Town is desolated and abandoned and you worry for its citizens. I loved this dreadful approach on the Demon Kings homeland. There are just two things I can't agree with in this new Gerudo Desert.

First, they don't kick Link out of Gerudo Town after the situation is resolved. This clan of proud warriors that cling deeply to their roots and traditions, just let Link walk in and out of Gerudo Town as he likes. It apparently isn't that much of a deal anymore if young VaI were to see a Voi, and saving their Town for the second time after defeating Va Naboris, returning peace to Gerudo Desert, and retrieving their heirloom was now enough to allow him to enter without a disguise? Oh yes, I forgot BotW didn't happen apparently. Secondly, I want female Gerudo clothes for Link. Why would you rob us of this experience? I also strongly feel like they designed the areas in this order Rito>Gerudo>Gorons>Zora it just gets less and less refined throughout the game. I first encountered the Wind Temple and then went to the Water Temple afterward. I felt like I've skydived full speed from the sky islands straight into the depths without a paraglider. Moktoroc was a Boss I'd expect in a meme fight or mod or something, but a fully-fledged dungeon boss..?

Talking about bosses, something I really enjoyed in TotK were the encounters with Master Khoga. He is such a delight to encounter in this game; truly the most polished and lovable character in all of TotK (and BotW in my opinion). He has his purpose, he is silly, sometimes overly so, but all in all, is he a real threat to the inhabitants of Hyrule and Link. For real, Master Khoga and his Clan always recognize Link and engage with him BECAUSE he is Link and not because he just happened to be there. When I encountered Master Khoga for the first time in the depths I was so excited because I remembered that he fell down this chasm in BotW and that the most iconic and best villain in BotW is still alive. I really was just so delighted I think I almost cried (I'm a huge fangirl, leave me alone). He and the Yiga Clan made the Depths their own in the time that passed between those two games. The only thing I would have wished for was that Master Khogas questline could have been a bit longer and that he shouldn't have ended up like in BotW. And what I would have liked was to have one huge Yiga-Clan structure that served as their home base in the depths, like the Yiga Hideout on the surface.

There are just three more things I want to mention that don't sit well with me in this game.

First: the Depths are empty. I want to make each Zelda game my own and play it at least once to 100% in any regard. All Locations, all Shrines, all Lightroots, all chests, all quests, all Koroks (urgh), and so on. I want to harvest everything this game has to offer. But when I was "exploring" the depths in my progressed savestate I just found myself comparing the overworld to the depths to find shrines or lightroots. I traveled from one destination to another just to complete my task and gaining every shrine in the process was a nice addition. Tbh, I don't even know what the reward was for clearing all Shrines. I remember you got some kind of seed or flower from the lightroots tho.

The depths are incredibly dull. What happens in the depths?

1. You get the Autobuild ability

2. Fire Temple (Great design choice btw, very esthetic tho not challenging)

3. Minerus questline

4. Master Khoga and the Yiga-Clan

5. Weird Poe trading Statues (idk if this should count tbh)

6. Lost Woods access

7. Demon King Ganondorf (Daddy)

So we've got 6-7 major events in the depths. An area as big as Hyrule itself filled with almost nothing. You encounter abandoned Mines that always work the same. Search for the chest, pick up some Zonaite, and off you go. Yiga-Clan outposts; kill the Yiga, read the journal, loot the chests, and next. And don't get me started on the recycled dungeon bosses you can now just kill for fun down there. WHY?? I hate when bosses, incredibly strong monsters that are tied to a location as its last obstacle, as its guardian to prevent the Hero from accomplishing his goal, just get reused as an overworld boss. Tho they're so easy to kill a Gleeok is more dangerous. Now that I think about it King Gleeok might just be the most challenging Boss in TotK.

The second thing I would have wished for, but knew it would not happen was for Link to permanently lose his arm and for Zelda to remain a Dragon. I knew it wouldn't happen because Zelda always has a happy ending but it would have solidified TotK as another huge break in the tloz formula. Link losing his arm would have shown just how incredibly dangerous this whole situation really was, even to the Hero of the Wild. A crippled Hero with lost limbs and remains scarred for life (like the theories for the Heros Shade from Twilight Princess) is something Zelda lacks and just solidifies that Link is fucking overpowered and nothing can stop him. Don't get me wrong, I know it's kinda his thing to just be like this and to make the player feel accomplished in saving the land of Hyrule and its Princess, but we’re in the 2020s, and people want some kind of realism, drama, and especially in this case, involvement in the story. The way things are, it just feels like a fever dream sometimes. Might be an unpopular opinion but I'd like to see Link struggle for once in a while. (I know, botw’s basically a summary of Zelda and Links’ struggle to save Hyrule, but that’s not my point here and you know it.)

I know the chances of Zelda remaining a Dragon forever were close to nonexistent, and I think I wouldn't have a problem with this, if the developer had just given us a real explanation as to why, and how this is even possible. Mineru emphasized multiple times, that this forbidden ritual is irreversible and that she would erase herself if she were to proceed. Her decision has such a massive impact on the Story. Zelda went to such lengths to protect her Kingdom and support Link, she gave up everything and she was so terrified but her trust in Link is just so great that she believes that he will at least save Hyrule; her kingdom when she can only provide him with the tool to do so. Only to be reversed because two ghosts appeared. The theory that Sonia and Rauru channeled their energy through Link to reverse Zeldas form like Mineru said is just that, a theory. But aside from Raurus power and spirit residing with Link in his arm, where did Sonia come from? When the imprisoning war happened Sonia was long gone and there were no hints of her spirit being connected to Link or Zelda. It just feels unpolished and the explanation of "magic" isn't satisfying at all.

Lastly, something that bothers me in particular, I don't think many miss this feature. I am a huge fan of the Dark Souls series and challenging games in general. So my disappointment, when I learned that there wasn't a Master Mode for TotK, and there are no plans to implement one in the future, was immense. I would have loved to play through this game with a more challenging note and 100% it that way. I’m really sad about this, would have loved to see improved golden monsters that would have destroyed me and tested my skill.

To end this rant on a positive note, TotK is still one of the best games I've played. Its mechanics and freedom of action are one in a kind and I could spend hours just playing around with ZonaI devices and build the most ridiculous builds. It has really well-thought-out Quests and fun characters to interact with. Link and Zeldas relationship (as an aromantic myself) just feels so fulfilling. I know many people see their relationship and their dependency on each other as signs of a canon love story between these two, and by all means, go for it (that Zelda lives in Links house now is evidence enough. And I ship them occasionally myself)! But for me, the fact that it isn't explicitly said leaves room for interpretation, and, they are just two people who can 100% trust each other and whose lives are so incredibly intertwined that they are just codependent at this point. I love how they've written Zelda and Links relationship.

And my highlight, of course, is Ganondorf and the final boss fight. I adore Ganondorf his design is so incredibly well done, you feel his ambitions and dominance throughout every "encounter" we witness. Though we don't know those ambitions and anything about him besides that he wants to restore the rule of "the survival of the fittest", to be honest. He is pure fanservice I tell you. And I live for this.

The final fight is a (almost) one one-on-one with the Demon King(Just like Twilight Princess, one of the most epic showdowns of all time). An excellent magician who mastered all forms of weaponry just like Link and is even capable of flurry rushing (an ability that many/I thought was Links champion ability in BotW). It's epic, it's cinematic, and filled with surprises. When I fought Ganondorf in the first half, I just assumed we got two phases, and that's it, like in Botw. But holy shit. The second phase started and his health bar just kept going and he looks like THAT with his cocky attitude; brother. The moment you defeat him, and think it's over, you realize what he's about to do but before you can act he just grabs Link, and smashes him through tons of stone, and debris (however he came out of this unscathed; would have loved if he got at least a little injured and then healed by the light dragon or something.) and suddenly you are in the skies facing off against this massive titan of a Dragon. This fight is as challenging as the Dark Beast Ganon fight in BotW but its buildup and the resulting fight high above the surface with the help of Zelda who subconsciously knows it's her destiny to support Link in this fight makes it way better than just a cinematic final showdown. Link manages to defeat the Demon Dragon and after he blows up like a nuke (wtf was that anyway, so awesome!) and Zelda is transformed back to her human form. Link is skydiving to catch Zelda as they plummet from the sky and the moment, he finally reaches her hand and catches her will be forever one of the most emotional and impactful scenes in any Zelda game. Despite its flaws, TotK offers an undeniably captivating experience. With its innovative mechanics, memorable moments, and interesting characters, it carved its own niche within the Zelda universe. While it does leave me a bit disappointed that it ended up like it did, expectations for Zelda Games are always skyrocketing but I still don’t think that we expected too much. I rate this a solid 8.5/10 while every other Zelda entrance is a 10/10.

I love TotK but like I said. It's a toxic relationship and whenever I find myself wanting to revisit this Hyrule I rather play BotW than TotK. Sorry for my rant.

[twig-tea]

Love in Translation--Everyone Is Right This Show Is Great

Ok so I was convinced by these great posts by @bengiyo here and @lurkingshan here to catch up and prioritize this series.

But then I watched Minato's Laundromat s2 instead (which was a disappointment, bad decision).

And then I lied again and watched Only Friends ep6 as cough you may have noticed based on my posting this past 24hrs.

But now I'm finally actually keeping my word and prioritizing Love in Translation lol

And of course, they were totally right, this show is so good!

I'd already seen episode 1; it was chaotic but cute, and already established the older/younger brother dynamic as well as the chemistry between the two leads and the full cast of supporting characters--who bengiyo rightfully points out are delightful.

Episode 2 hits the ground running and the next few episodes flew by on my catch-up binge; as lurkingshan said, the pacing on this show is FAST and really enjoyable. With the absurd premise established they jumped right into character development and pining! I love a grumpy on the outside because he has too many feelings on the inside character, and Yang is perfect. He fell so hard so fast for Phumjai's sunshine charisma (which bengiyo is so right, is a rare breed of happy and energetic but not annoying). And I love that they've established pretty clearly that Phumjai needs someone to believe in him (hello, Dangerous Romance's Khaotung, I see you), and that Yang warming up and trusting him is going to be the thing to sway his heart. Yang clearly being aware of his feelings and helping Phumjai talk to Tammy anyway is giving me so much of the good kind of pain! I love a pining while helping my love interest with their romance because I am secretly a simp even though I seem cold character. Yang's tiny smiles give me life. And I also really love a smile through my pain because I desperately want to protect everyone around me at cost to myself character, so this show is really giving me everything I could want and then some.

Love in Translation is so good at earning every emotional response the characters give... lurkingshan talked about this in her pitch and I'm going to double down because this show keeps surprising me in the best way. Yang is not just jealous, he knows something. Phumjai is not just inexperienced, he's never been trusted to stand on his own or make any decisions for himself. There's a reason why Phumjai hesitates and why Yang pulls back. Every time there's a character decision that moves forward the plot that in any other show would be handwaved away, it's explained and given context and I am LIVING. I can't wait to find out why his brother is so overprotective, for example, because I now trust this show to give us that.

I can't talk about this show as much as I want to without spoilers so cutting the below for those who have been convinced but don't want to be spoiled. But for those who have not yet been convinced: Below the cut I talk about how this show queues up annoying narrative tropes to undermine them. I also just want to say while I'm still above the line, the chemistry between the two leads is excellent:

this show is very pretty (some really interesting shots and use of the store aisles for framing, as well as lovely colour grading):

the interpersonal drama is so far quite good at staying interwoven with actual work (I know absolutely nothing about running a mini mart but at least they do seem to do work in a workplace show, and at least some of the episodic challenges are about work/sales), and the comedy is not too slapstick. At least one side couple (involving Ngern! My beloved) has an arc clearly forming and I am hopeful the other will too.

And for you colour girlies, @respectthepetty has written brilliantly about the colours in this show meaning things (and already been proven right).

TL;DR Love in Translation is so far a really, really enjoyable viewing experience!

Oh hi! For the record, I will be potentially spoiling through episode 5. This is just me gushing about stuff that might be spoilery, don't expect any brilliance here lol

God I love how this show tees up tropes to undermine them. Tammy is an influencer, but Phumjai fell for her because they met in person and she made him feel competent and listened to. Tammy is a player, but Phumjai is aware and makes no demands. Phumjai made Tammy feel like someone really cared about her and so she decided to be serious about him (rather than Tammy playing into the evil woman stereotype). Yang is clearly already aware of his feelings, but decides to help and Phumjai go on a practice date, and doesn't hold back, AND gives the older brother a baller speech about letting people make their own choices. Phumjai isn't totally thoughtless about Yang during the practice date, he doesn't just focus on Tammy and chooses things Yang would like. And then when he goes on the date he doesn't sublimate, Phumjai realizes something is going on and goes to talk to Yang, who kisses him!!! Phumjai reacts badly and avoids Yang, but it's because he realizes he has a crush and thinks he needs to make it go away rather than because of gay panic. Yang starts pushing Phumjai away, but it's because he's literally under threat rather than because he's scared of having emotions, and he doesn't want to risk Phumjai's safety. And this also puts Yang's intensity, anger, and seriousness about the business and how its doing in context because (I think) he owes folks money and is very worried about being found before he can pay them back.

And because the show gives good reasons for why these characters have these reactions or make these decisions, the show is also able to explain when these reactions or decisions change! Yang doesn't just forget about his crush or his history with Tammy, she proves to him she's serious this time with her actions. Yang thought he was safe and he finds out he isn't, so he stops pursuing Phumjai.

What I'm really, really hoping for in the next ep: we know from the trailer that Phumjai bolts, I'm assuming because Yang says something unclear to push him away again, and Tammy finds him. I'm really hoping this gives Phumjai and Tammy a chance to air things out, and for Yang to realize he needs to be honest with Phumjai about what's going on so that they can ~please for once, BL gods~ face their troubles together!

Also can I just go off on a rant and say how much I love Phumjai? At first I was afraid he would be annoying either because he's so sunshine or because he's incompetent or both, but besides his obsession with Tammy (which I will admit at least is motivating for him lol) he is actually really dedicated to his job and works really hard. Love that Phumjai's recruits are already on his side and defend him to Yang, even moreso than Tag, Phumjai's so-called best friend (I am side eyeing you sir) does to Phojai.

Really holding onto hope that this show keeps surprising me because I'm really enjoying every time it does it!

[chiarrara]

Nanami anon here. I really hope they develop Mahoro with these sorts of themes in mind. I can't believe I forgot the princess aspect of Nanami, it's such a big thing in Utena in regards to self delusion and how people end up stuck in gendered social roles. This general perspective is what's keeping me interested in Bucchigiri cuz I can see so much potential for that sort of depth. I'm so glad I could help spark this sort of discussion (it's been sorta hard to find people willing to engage with these kind of interpretations).

Hiiii Nanami anon! I'm so glad you came back!!

Yes I think this story is so interesting even just in the potential it sets up. If it doesn't deliver on that potential it could be disappointing, I guess. but it brings up a lot of interesting discussions either way, so I'm just enjoying where we are right now and the conversations going on in the criminally tiny fandom.

To be completely honest i spent a lot of time arguing with people about the literary worth of this show on another platform and it was just depressing. Nobody wanted to engage deeper than surface level appeal, and only would approach it through an extremely narrow lens of expected tropes of the type of show *they* wanted to watch, and a demand for pandering to one type of fan in a genre it doesn't even really belong to, instead of honestly approaching it for what it is and the story it's trying to tell. I've been trying to curate my experience more so I can actually enjoy myself, and interacting with the small community of people here who actually like to enjoy and analyze the show within the literary conversation it's clearly trying to have has been so much more fulfilling.

ANYWAY, I love what you're bringing up because self-delusion is such a big theme here! and specifically how it interacts with compulsory gender roles!!! Like, Arajin is trying so hard to fulfill compulsory heterosexuality, but is running away from the very masculine coded honor-through-fighting that senya and the general culture value. A lot of people suspect that his pursuit of losing his virginity is a way to make up for his self-perceived weakness and failure to uphold the masculine ideal of honor-through-fighting when he was young.

THEN when MAHORO stands up and displays that ideal, he is able to achieve it (at least for a moment). There's also discussion that if this follows Aladdin, he's going to lose the genie and some point and will have to essentially prove himself as honorable without the genie's help. This could be interesting. We'll see what happens.

So is fighting masculine coded in this show? Or is it just the height of honor? Or is fighting for the right reasons or in the right ways honorable. Because not all the fighting is portrayed as a good thing.... I'm thinking out loud here.

Anyway, Mahoro is also stuck in this gendered role obviously, but I wonder how much self-delusion will play into it. She believed she needed to use her role as a cute girl to stop the fight, but all those attempts failed. Ultimately what worked was dropping the facade, dropping the role & those tactics, and standing up to fuckface (i do not care about this man I'm so sorry lol) as HERSELF. Saying what she really thought, how she really felt about these people and the whole situation. And basically willing to sacrifice her well-being to do so. Ooooh this is so interesting!!!!

I really can't wait to see where this goes, I know I keep saying that but. It's true. I mean, Matakara could be said to have some delusions about honor. Maybe the way he sees his brother is diluted. He believes in Arajin to a fault, but he was proven correct. Although it wasn't him that sparked the change. I dunno, a lot to think about.

I'm so glad I could be an intermediary for this discussion! I don't know anything about Utena, but if y'all do feel free to talk through me lol. I'm loving this.

[sumire-no-nikki]

Twenty-Eight

The start of December isn't just the beginning of a new month for me. It's also the start of a new year of life. After rushing to get all the work done in advance the past couple of days, I was able to reserve today to simply indulge in everything that makes me feel most alive. I read while cuddling with my cats, went out for a snowy walk, made tiramisu, and played my guitar for hours. I wore a new pair of dungarees gifted to me by a friend who so thoughtfully remembered that one tiny instance I mentioned adoring Lucy & Yak. Then, in the middle of the day, the doorbell rang and I opened it to a surprise package from another dear friend filled with all sorts of treasures. Throughout the day little messages and emails and cards would come in and I constantly felt like I might dissolve in a pool of soft, fuzzy feelings! I feel so unbelievably lucky. I struggle to understand how managed to have such love in my life!

I'm now warmly tucked in bed filled with thoughts about everyone and everything that has made the past year incredibly beautiful. I feel thankful for new and continuing friendships, for enduring warmth. I feel thankful to slowly but surely feel myself growing stronger against bad habits. I feel thankful that I am where I am right now, and not where I thought I wanted to be.

There's this little memory I have of a Buddhism class I took as an undergrad. My professor, a dear mentor, once mentioned that the statues of Buddha do not traditionally depict him smiling. They tend to have a more serene look on them. The explanation for this is that happiness, or the state of being happy, is a fleeting one. The existence of it means the inevitable coming of the opposite, which is sadness. If one singularly pursues happiness, one is destined for disappointment.

I remember this well because that moment was when it really clicked for me that happiness is a rather shallow goal. The Western world is very intent on happiness and I certainly grew up wishing for happiness. But what is happiness, anyway? And what does it mean to be happy? Why would I want to only experience one emotion and fully eradicate its opposite?

As I look to this new year around the sun, I hope to learn more. I want to understand. I want to celebrate creativity and try new things. I want to embark on more adventures. I want to see the many shapes I will take, in different relationships and in different situations. I want to be proven wrong, I want to be taught. I want to hear. I want to feel deeply. I would like to be is someone who can ride the waves of life no matter how high or low the wave might get. I want to be someone who can appreciate even the smallest point in anything. I want to live with my eyes fully open. Whether all of this leads to happiness or not is irrelevant. I want all of it--the good, the bad, the in-between.

When I asked myself today if I'm happy with my life, the answer, I found is no. I'm not happy, but I'm not the opposite of happy either. I'm content. There's a very crucial difference there and I'm glad to have learned it as I enter the final years of my 20s. To be content is to be in the middle where I know I can take on anything and come out of it fine.

So, today I am twenty-eight. Bring it, I say.

Here's to being alive!

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

I can't believe there was ever a time where I defended taylor against people who called her lover era activism performative. At the time it seemed genuine. But it's so glaringly obvious that it was only to get people back on her side. She's been silent ever since then, like when LGBT rights were being stripped all across the US and she was silent—but during lover, she was dressing herself in rainbow colours and being sooooo loud about her allyship.

I know it may sound silly and ironic to expect better from a billionaire, but i really did. As a POC fan I'm continually disappointed in her. I have such a deep love and connection to her music and I can't imagine a world where I don't listen to her. I'm seeing her on tour. She's saved me in so many ways but I'm so torn and so conflicted because I can't ignore her silence and her associating with racists and zionists. I keep asking myself, what does it say about me if I continue to be a fan of her?

Anon, I feel you 100%. As fans from minority backgrounds, how can we not be disappointed?

I wanted so badly for her activism to genuine but it was turned into an era. I’m feeling personally conflicted these days about listening to her music.

Even on the first day of pride month, she has chosen to release another two variants of TTPD. I used to defend her against people who would call “money hungry” but she has proven time and time again that she’s a shallow billionaire.

[caralara]

I know Louis' your fave so I hope it's okay that I send you this. But recently the blinkers have been coming off for me in regards to Louis. I think I used to have him up on a bit of a pedestal. I just thought he was this really intelligent guy, really aware of social issues and willing to fight for the right thing and be rebellious when necessary. I don't know. I saw things playing out very differently. But unfortunately, lately, I've been seeing a lot of laziness and complacency and a willingness to settle from him. A lot of contradictions as well. Like he gets the anarchist symbol tattooed but doesn't speak out or place his support behind anything substantial. I'm sorry, legalizing weed is his most political stance. And then being seen with the Starbucks cup and actually covering it in the video like lmao. Not knowing what number year your festival is when he supposedly had big dreams for it. I know this is so small but it irks me that he's been going on about playing the guitar for years. And he is yet to bring it on stage for even one song! I know it comes from a place of self-doubt and insecurity no matter how confident he makes himself appear but like he just doesn't help himself. And fans exaggerating and praising every little thing he does as if he isn't just some basic white man does my head in. Sorry I word vomited on you and I know this sounds harsh but I acknowledge it comes from a bitter place where I feel like his potential is just not being met. At the end it's his life and I genuinely hope he doesn't have many regrets later on.

hi babe

I think I am completely in the same situation as you! I might not be triggered by exactly the same things but I’ve been going over and over it for the last couple days asking myself why I’m so annoyed with him right now?? And I think it really is just the disappointment finding out your fave man is after all, just a man.

Like, to me, it feels like he’s been stagnant since early 2023. right now, to me it feels like he’s just on the hunt for the cheap thrill, getting the validation in that he also can pull massive crowds of screaming girls just like he did during 1D (and it isn’t even the actual validation he’s looking for??? Like he still starts yapping every time a man validates him as if it’s so much more important??)

I feel like he lost focus, or energy, or both. You know, you said it!! You know I love Louis to death, he’s my favourite, and genuinely, I don’t blame him. It makes a lot of sense to me. He’s finally proven himself to not be a flop to all the people doubting him. He’s overcome all the obstacles, did LTWT and had massive success with it, way beyond anyone expected, rode that wave, made a second album that proved he’s not a one hit wonder either, an album he actually enjoyed making, and proved his fans liked it, too. And then… it just kind of stagnated. His team made mistakes and miscalculations. Announcing Asia tour so short notice thinking, then cancelling bc it didn’t sell out, handling the announcements horribly, not realising LTWT was massive bc of all the pent up excitement and desire throughout years of a pandemic, the magnetism of it being the first solo world tour. They also didn’t get it when it came to Milano Summer fest vs. AFHF. The 35k sold out bc it was announced many months in advance and it was the last LTWT show - that’s meaningful to fans. It was easily accessible. You can’t translate just the numbers to „it’s bc he’s popular in Italy,“ there’s so many factors at play they ignored, and therefore AFHF Italy only sold 2/3 of tickets, and a lot of these people didn’t even show up (couldn’t, I better say).

For me, FITF felt like he had checked out a little. He’s plateauing. The excitement and irresistible draw he has is largely due to his resilience, his underdog persona he created that allows normal people to identify with him. And there just wasn’t any… growth since early 2023. He‘s also alienated a large part of his fandom with the bbg pushes, and as you know, I still believe it was all part of the bigger plan to end it, but it does feel like he gave up, got comfortable. And it’s not that I blame him for it necessarily?? Like all he’s been through? It makes a lot of sense to me that now he’s achieved all the things people told him he wouldn’t be able to achieve, that now the burn out sets in, that now, the driving energy of spite and wanting to prove himself has run out.

I feel like the jokes of “oh I’m a pothead I can’t remember if it’s the third or fourth edition of my super duper important close to my heart festival project” or “oh yeah sometimes I forget I’m an actual parent and have a kid” are getting old. Like, it doesn’t serve him anymore it feels like? To me it feels like the weed was a coping mechanism that helped him get through hard times, and that’s completely valid, but now it looks like to me it’s holding him back, blurring his genius.

I’m sorry for the rant back to you. I’m deeply upset because Louis is my escape, my happy place, fandom is my comfort, and I feel like it’s slipping through my fingers because it causes me more upset than happiness at this point. The amount of “kill yourself” messages I have gotten over criticising louis for announcing AFHF so short notice is frankly INSANE. Do people not talk to other people in real life?? How do the people around these people that send those messages deal with them in real life?? It’s so upsetting to see how many people feel comfortable typing out these kind of messages and sending them.

I do hope this feeling of mine calms down, and I can go back to just glorifying louis and have him as my comfort place, because I do not like the thoughts I have and the way it makes me feel.

[crownedwille]

don't feel like outing myself to the wider fandom but i'm one of the people who didn't have a strong preference either way. i was ready to accept wille's renouncement if it was written well but sadly i don't think it was. no hate to anyone who loved the ending and i don't want to spark any discourse here but ngl the heavy-handed messaging kinda put me off. i do still enjoy some post s3 fics but only a very small handful

i think you can write a really intriguing canon divergence with wilhelm finding a way to stay on as crown prince/king and i find it a shame those aren't much of a thing anymore. liking the idea of a fictional queer monarch has absolutely nothing to do with being a monarchist in real life!! i wish people weren't so quick to jump to that accusation

anyway i just wanted to say i hope you find more like-minded people and more fics you enjoy! maybe in the pre s3 fics?

yeah...i would've found a way to be okay with it if it was written well and tbh i expected it to be bc i trusted the writers and creators of the show to have it make sense bc they managed to not disappoint me before but unfortunately i was proven wrong.

my biggest disappointment about s3 and the ending is that there was no room left for ambiguity and open interpretations which was so nice about the previous seasons, you could imagine anything and write anything, the future was a blank slate and there was no right or wrong. now there is a right and a wrong interpretation of the show and anyone who has a different opinion clearly has never understood the show in the first place and wants wille to be miserable and is in favor of the monarchy apparently

i appreciate this but i wish you didn't have to feel like hiding bc with my post i want to encourage people to speak up despite the general fandom's stance on this that no, you're not alone and it doesn't mean you're wrong and horrible for thinking this but thank you for your understanding and reassurance!

and don't worry about sparking any discourse, i think i'm past that on my blog lmao i try to stay peaceful most of the time and i don't wanna be a blog who complains all the time and i always think twice about posting anything remotely negative or controversial (the previous post included) but i also can't and don't want to stay silent about it

[thepagemistress]

SPN Rewatch 1x08 - Bugs

Ah yes, the infamous Bugs. Honestly, I don’t really understand why this episode has the reputation it does. Sure, it’s not a great episode and the racist premise is questionable as fuck but there are definitely worse episodes throughout the whole run. I don’t think this would even make it into my bottom ten. Hell, I think this episode is better than the last one! Marginally. I think just the fact that the show itself made a point of it being a bad episode somehow convinced everyone that was the truth when really it’s just kind of meh.

So yeah, we have a Native American curse because of houses being built on a burial ground which oof, that should have died out in the 80s with Poltergeist. And bugs are going to kill everyone but only on this one week a year, otherwise it’s fine or whatever. So the guys manage to save one family by just…outlasting it and then that’s the end of it. It’s very weird and kind of unsatisfying in a way because you have to wonder if their presence really made any difference at all.

There is some interesting character work to be had, though. Namely relating to the differing views of John and their upbringing between Sam and Dean. Sam looks back on John as being something of a tyrant, someone who he butted heads with frequently and forced him to be something he wasn’t. Meanwhile, Dean idolised his dad and fell into line so wasn’t treated to that side of him and was too blinded by said idolisation to recognise the poor treatment for what it was. Although this is also something that I feel was retconned a little bit later on, once we get a better insight into their childhood. I do think Dean was very aware of how unfair it all was, he just knows it doesn’t help anyone to dwell on it now. Here, Dean is annoyed by Sam’s attitude. It’s like he’s been living in a little bubble the last few weeks/months when they’re how they used to be but this is a sudden reminder of how much Sam begrudges his family and their lifestyle and it rattles him. I think part of it is he just doesn’t like Sam shining a light on it because he doesn’t like acknowledging John’s transgressions.

I do wonder if what he says about John checking in on Sam at Stanford is true, though. I feel like that may have been something he did and just attributed to John to defuse the fight. Or maybe Dean suggested they check in on him together. But we also know that John wasn’t disappointed in Sam from when he was bragging about him to the guy in 1x04. I can totally believe that John would want to keep tabs on Sam because I think the core of his terrible parenting IS the fact that he couldn’t bear to be separated from them, knowing what was out there. But, as is being proven right now, I also think he has no problem leaving them to their own devices. The man is a mess of contradictions. A true Winchester.

I do kind of hate that Sam feels guilted into apologising to John. Maybe he does have things to apologise for but it feels like he’s shouldering the blame for their argument when it was clearly both sides fucking it up. Plus Sam was just a kid, he was entitled to go off. At least Dean knows to temper his expectations for their reunion.

It's also funny hearing Dean say he’d “blow his brains out” if he lived in a suburb when just one season later we see his Djinn fantasy being exactly that. You’re full of shit, Dean! (Or they just had a better understanding of his character by that point.)

Favourite part: Dean getting to have a nice steam shower. As he deserves.

Least favourite part: Aside from the racism? The weak spider effects.

Quote of the episode: “Yeah, you were kinda like the blonde chick from The Munsters.”

What’s compelling me to keep watching: Yeah, it would kind of be losing me at this point.

Random things I yelled to myself during the rewatch: “Sam why in the fuck are you getting all preachy about gambling? chill dude” “Dean, it’s not a crime to watch Oprah, chill dude” “Travis, you’re a sweetheart, I love you” “Alfieeeee” “the licence plate says JKR! That’s why this episode is cursed!” “that lady was way too calm about something crawling across her face” “those were some rubber-ass spiders” “pretty sure you can break a curse, guys” “I did forget how stupid the bee showdown was”

Rating: 6/10 – It’s a wacky premise and it doesn’t really go anywhere but there’s some nice character stuff and some background to the Winchester upbringing.

And the award goes to…: The umbrellas. Sorry they deemed you too gay. Gone too soon RIP.