#i love coming up with these storylines its so fun
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i cant stop thinking abt mike trying to mess w evan on his birthday while gregory consistently stops him. mostly bc flashlight duo hating michael is the best thing thats come out of fnaf
SERIOUSLY. like after a while of being friends (maybe a year or more) Gregory would have fully convinced Evan that hes fine to actually hate Mike, because at that point Gregory's gotten it into Evan's head at least a little bit about how he isnt what mike and his father say about him, and hes not stupid or worthless and doesnt deserve to be hated
mike on the other hand? oh yeah. Gregory's finally made it so Evan realizes that Mike is a shit brother (at least in this au, where he never gets a wake up call and nobody ever tells him to stop), and when mike tries to pull some crap on Evan's thirteenth when Evan stopped reacting as badly to his attempts of tormenting him, Gregory isnt having it and just keeps sabotaging Mike behind Evan's back, because man does Evan deserve to have a good birthday without the knowledge that somebody doesnt like that hes having fun enough to try to stop it.
#evan deserves to hate Michael as a treat#yeah i like michael but god was he an asshole as a teen#like he just sucked#and with his father doing the exact same thing and not telling him to stop and him never getting that wake up call with the bite#i cant imagine it would be easy or even soon that he would realize and try to be better#if at all#he would have to be an adult by then#and evan already has to deal with the damage mike did#evan deserves to never forgive mike for that shit#i love coming up with these storylines its so fun#pandas.txt#pandas talks#pandas asks#thoughts#flashlight duo#flashlight duo modern au#gregory and evan#evan and michael
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I present to you a little timeline :)
I have been having dreams about this story since way early march and im so happy I finally have the guts to go through with it all lmaooo no matter how wild it is
"hey ell what happened to this being a hurt/comfort comic" can you pretty please trust me when I say that everything comes full circle, the hurt comfort comics will return! I just want to have some fun first!
Anyways uhh expect a time skip next update!
#the discord got to see this early#hello discord I love you discord peoples#btw if anyone can actually guess whats going down#kudos#no one has guessed whats happening yet#kicks feet#my dream ideas be so wild no one can see them coming#I would put in foreshadowing....#but I would rather give everyone a big week long fish slap#the โWHAT.โ is probably going to be another week long event#but hey after that its all just fun happy healing until I get bored of the comic#might I just state#I have the ending planned#along with a few inbetween scenes#but outside that I just have fun making stuff up ahaaa#honestly though making stuff up as I go/get inspired is the best way for a comic imo#keeps you entertained the whole time instead of following some rigid storyline#idk#whoops big ass tag ramble#nonsense#2 arms left#anyways about that timeskip....#cannon little leo beans.#they are coming
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hmmmm!
#um so sucks that s&b was canceled but i cannot say i didnt see it coming#also im so sorry. i hate to say it. but i couldnt even finish s2.....#they werent doing my friends justice#sorry but jesper and wylan would not act like that#and like kaz and inej had fun stuff going on but the ordering of the plot events in s2 completely messed up their relationship arc#and also just their personal journeys in general#at this point we could never get the ice court because all of its climactic moments would feel meaningless because they completely removed#all of the emotional context#idk im not articulating this particularly well rn#but im still mourning what could have been#s1 was a little messy but she was fun and had so much potential#and i was really enjoying the s&b storyline too#and like i loved the casting and i love alina and genya and zoya and even mal#like mal and alina in the show were so dyke coded what who said that#but anyway i dont know what im saying anymore!
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SMG34: LIPBITE COMIC WIP UPDATE
oh boy... i know a bunch of folks are hyped for this comic... and boy oh boy are ya'll's prayers going to be heard... kind of... butt for the celebration milestone, and granted majority are from this comic, i thought it was best to give EVERYTHING that i have currently.
starting off STRONG with what you freaks most want: the completed pages. andddd yep that's it that all that i have done LMAO. i've been fixated on my own smg4 oc: tsb, and during the end of my summer was unfortunately fucked over by some personal issues that fortunately got resolved last minute good grief the anxiety prevented me from drawing the gays sigh... aNYWAYS LINEART WIPS!!!!
here are linearts i have completed / in the progress of!! want to aim like i did in the past by finishing up lineart first, and then speed through with color + minor rendering. the reason i have a few colored is to test out what it would look polished and my god... i have improved A LOT. THESE GAY PEOPLE GIVE POWER I AM NOT KIDDING BELIEVE ME IM NOT CRAY- anyways onto wip pages!
jumpscare: tsb stickman sketches. oh yeah. this is how i sketch and i blame sensei eiichiro oda /j. and in case anyone is unable to understand it {i don't blame u LMAO}, smg4 wakes up from the dream and is startled to see mario by his bed. they have a short convo before mario leaves, and we get a job to smg4 in the bathroom trying to put up a brave face. until the moment he leaves he's stunned due to seeing smg3 at his front door. will i elaborate more on specifics or unwritten dialogue? NOPE! gotta keep secrets to make it even more enjoyable at the end!!
currently at 13 sketched pages total, but this is probably gonna be reaching towards 20-ish pages, surpassing part two, but it will depend on how i come up with how to end it. additionally to confirm there will be a PART FOUR / chapter 3, to end this story. my goal is to have it done before i finish my senior year, or at least during the summer after i graduate bc good lord who knows whats gonna happen.
and lastly, before i end this crazy update, SCRAPPED PAGESSS!!!!!
CONTENT WARNING : NSFW SKETCHES !!!! PLEASE LOOK AWAY IF YOU ARE A MINOR OR DON'T LIKE THIS TYPE OF STUFF!!!
oh boy... dont draw comics while sleep-deprived at 6am... idek what i was even aiming with this ngl other than just for fun, but i scrapped it due to not being what i had in mind for the story. if it doesn't serve a purpose or narrative, its bye bye YEAH BYE BYE THIS IS THE CLOSEST NSFW UR GONNA GET FROM ME HAHAHAHAHA- i say that despite writing a nsfw jojo wattpad smh im only confident doing it in words good lord. btw not watermarking these bc i gen don't care since they're legit scrapped {left top part was kept and completed} so idk what to do with these. im just throwing it and walkin away
now to end with this update, i can hear your question, "when will this be done?" and to answer that question: i'm not entirely sure due to my heavy focus on my smg4 oc: tsb, but my best chance is postponing my oc lore a bit and complete this before november UOIYGJDSIUHJKDWSXYUGHJKCS but we shall have too see...
if you want to join the ping list comment on this post LMAO [click]
ignore below if you're not from the tsb birthday partydddjdhdhdjd
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thurs: smg34 is canon in the tsb universe / au. though most of their encounters are platonic or best-friendy-way, they eventually express their feelings to one another and start dating 3/4โs way of the tsb storyline arc.ย tsb is a supporter of his friend's relationship and admires and takes inspiration from their relationship heavily to input his future love life. yearning to be in a similar position... to learn what is to really love someone... or what it's truly like to be loved...
#smg34#smg4#smg3#smg4 smg3#smg43#smg3 x smg4#smg4 x smg3#smg4 fanart#smg3 fanart#smg4 comic#smg34 comic#sketches#comic wip#comic#tsb 1k birthday party#tsb official
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๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ // ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐!๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
โชโชโช cw: minors dni, dark content ahead. each chapter will come with its own set of specific warnings. true form sukuna, yuujikuna, timeskip/reincarnation themed. heian era into the modern storyline. gore, murder, cannibalism, weapons, blood, slight blood/knife play, reader is lowkey crazy, made up technique for you, very selfship coded at that, pregnancy, death of characters including reader but we come back, miscarriage/infant loss, i'm just making up sukuna lore, smut, uh he's sukuna please be serious, proceed with caution!
โชโชโช summary: you welcome the feared sorcerer ryomen sukuna into your settlement, hoping he'll spare your village from his conquering streak. what youโand heโdid not expect was a wedding two weeks later. sukuna never does anything halfway, and marrying you is no exception. he is a doting husband and then expecting father, until you unexpectedly pass away...the grief turns him from a raging sorcerer into a scheming and scorned widower. he can't stand the idea of anyone living if he doesn't have you. he comes up with the idea of turning himself into a curse on his war for revenge, and patiently waits for his time to returnโto burn the world down forever. one thousand years later, his energy sings to life again, in a miserable excuse of a sorcererโa boy named yuuji itadori. sukuna is ready to enact his plan, to exterminate everyone and hopefully find you somewhere on the other side of things when it's all over. what he didn't account for was you; again. he doesn't believe it at firstโbut yuuji's best friend was...you?
โชโชโช notes from the author: hi hi!! i have been dreaming this dream for a while now, and i get to live it every day thanks to my beautiful and amazing roleplay partner and overall wifey extraordinaire, @suguru-getos . we've played with this idea when we wanted to figure out a way to give sukuna and myself something to stand on because in all reality he'd likely squash me like a gnat if he met me so this was something fun we came up with. i love the idea of sukuna the human having some redeeming moments and knowing love and pure happiness and for that to be a driving force for him to become a curse! once again this will have dark content so proceed at your own risks and read the individualized content warnings for each chapter!!
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐: ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐: ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐
๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐...
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐: ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐...
โ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐: ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐...
โฏโฏโฏ comment to be tagged!! banners are by @/cafekitsune
#kyleewritesjjk#kyleewritessukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna x fem!reader#dark content#smut#jjk x reader#tw pregnancy#tw murder#tw blood#two gore#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna#sukuna#sukuna ryomen#jjk sukuna#jujutsu sukuna#sukuna jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#dead dove fic#dead dove do not eat#darkfic
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I think Our Flag Means Death is a very unique show in a way that they don't care to cater to mainstream media. And yes, by mainstream media I mean the general straight people.
I think it's very important that we have feel-good shows like Heartstopper. A few years back, a tv show about two queer boys in high school would be unthinkable. But its plot generally revolves around explaining queerness. Sure, it's nice. It's definitely the show I would watch with my family if I were a teenager and wanted to come out again (I had to watch glee with my mom to do that. not optimal). It's the show where teenagers find love and themselves, but sexuality is constantly discussed, explained, sanitized. It's the show straight people will watch. And that's good. We do need shows like that.
But Our Flag Means Death doesn't even bother trying. It's a show about mostly middle aged people, most of them not white, most of them queer in one way or the other. It's really a game of spot the hetero, like someone said. And the characters are not sublte about it. They have sex for fun, something most characters don't have in tv shows, definitely not queer characters. They make dick jokes. They are not all conventionally attractive and they know it, and the writing doesn't care. They are all people before they are queer representation.
Stede's storyline in s1 is in a part about discovering himself and his sexuality, but it's not obnoxiously repeated. Instead, it's played in a natural way. Stede's storyline is ALL about finding himself, yet it's not just about that. Just like Ed's storyline, it's about toxic masculinity and allowing himself to have fine things and self-hatred and finding his place in a world, something most of us can relate to. Hell, none of us were even sure the main characters were going to kiss and end up together, we were all so sure it's a queerbait. But this show doesn't bait its audience. It's not afraid of weirdness. It embraces it instead. There is a nonbinary character. No, they are not a mermaid. Call them jim. That's it. Yes, Lucius and Pete got engaged. Everyone there knows what mateolage is, congrats. Olu and Jim never break up and then Archie shows up, then Zheng, and we all know. We all know.
Two men nearing fifty have a deep, romantic moment where one of them appears as a mermaid, and it's treated as the profound scene it is without ridiculing it. This would never fly in a 'mainstream' media. It would have to be downplayed. Here, it saves Ed's life.
The show tells you racists suck, but it doesn't tell you in a condescending, finger-waving way catered to the white people. Instead, it sets your ship aflame and burns you alive, runs a knife through your hand, puts poison in your drink and kills you.
This is a show for adults, for queer people of all kinds, and it does not give a fuck if anyone else gets it. It's so rare to find a tv show that caters to us, yet alone a tv show that's genuinely good and caring and so well loved.
This is a show that basically straightbaited its audience in the first season, that's how much they don't care.
Idk, I just feel that it will take ages for another show like OFMD to exist in a world full of MCU and media that tries so hard to be liked by everyone it loses its personality and charm. Rant over
#ofmd#yes i am rewatching for the millionth time#just felt like talking about ofmd and how important it is for the milkiont time#it's not perfect but it is to me
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Trinkets; The Gifts of Gold He Gave You
Synopsis: A detailed record of all the special objects Daryl has found for you while hunting, riding, supply gathering, and living in the various places he has in the new world. These objects often lead to sweet moments of kindness, joy, and understanding between the two of you, deepening your connection. Although they are things others might not think much ofโ they were simply small gestures or trinkets after allโ you believed these memories and mementos to be gifts of gold; they would shine in your mind forever onward.
Details: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader, mutual pining, kisses, lots of love and โก sweetness โก (true self indulgence at its finest), but there are also descriptions of trauma, abuse, and self-hate. Though other than that, itโs nothing else except Daryl being an endearing friend and future loverboy to you. This travels across the plot and setting of season 6-8, but it might not be a perfect fit. Lastly, even though these can be read anthologically, I did write them in a storyline as if there was an order in which Daryl gives or does these things with the reader as their relationship grows, so some past trinkets might be mentioned in the next story, but it truly isnโt too big of a deal; this is one you can have fun with! โก
Authorโs Note: My dearest reader, this one took much longer than I intended, but I think itโs because I put so much of my silly heart-filled imagination into itโ truly one of my favorites to write thus far. Iโm just so happy to give it to you. Feel free to read these all at once, one at a time, or pick the ones that best fit who you are. with love, writella . โก โ โฝ
Trinkets moodboard & visualizer here!
Trinket No. 1: The Ribbon โ ห๏ฝกโเฑจเงห โก.โข
A Bow from a Bowman
Daryl was out on a hunt one morning when he found it. Itโs like he was compelled to pick it up, he did it without even thinking. It was nothing, honestly: kind of silly really, and flimsy, slightly covered by grass bladesโ it was dirty and discarded. But there was something about it, something tenderโฆ it reminded him of you, even though in some ways still, he hardly knew you at all.
It had been over a month since Daryl came back home to Alexandria; just a month since you entered what was supposed to be your new home. But also a week or so long journey it had been to unexpectedly find you and bring you back.
He remembered it well: you were covered in dirt, tired and hungry, running for your life from the past group you were with. He was going to let you go and mind his businessโ you looked scared of him anyway when you crashed into him. But most importantly, he had just lost his crossbow, his bike, and maybe even a little bit of his dignity to Dwight who stole them. He didnโt feel like getting tricked again, especially since it takes a lot to trick him; he wasnโt letting that happen again. Especially not the day after. And most especially not for a seemingly young and innocent-looking girl like Dwightโs wife, Sherry or that kid they were with, Tina.
But then, he heard the yelling, the hollering, the menโ they wanted you, and none of it was for the right reasons. Very wrong and scary reasons they were indeed, ones he would soon come to understand were things youโd never want to live out or discuss again. He understood that feeling, so he stayed. He hid behind a tree. He decided to help again. Who knows of your innocence, but what was definitely true was that you were a lost and lonely girl in the woods. He knew a thing or two about those unfortunately, those stories ended badly.
Sad enough, the hiding and helpingโ or attempting toโ led him to become a prisoner with you and your โgroup.โ He barely got scraps of food, and every night was just another day of seeing your tears, your face in a permanent state of desolation and misery; staying ever silent even when you were yelled atโ even when you were forced to do things you didnโt want to do. You looked scared and small.
It was only when you all reached a hospital, one you burned to the ground just to get away from them, that Daryl saw the fight in you. You didnโt even ask for his help and he tried to save you, but in the end, you saved him. A silent soldier, you were. He returned the favor with the least he could do: he took you home.
And now there you both were. You sat by Rickโs fireplace. No one was home yet, and you had just put Judith down for the night. Daryl found you there on the floor with a book. He quietly sat near you. All you two said was hello.
And this was normal, actuallyโ the being around each other, showing up unannounced, sitting beside each otherโ talking or notโ or you, trying to help him with whatever work he was up to. He tried to fight it at first, but it became a regular thing. Itโs what helped Daryl get to know you, and you to him.
You were equally as fierce as the fire you created not long ago, but just as gentle. Just as desiring to smile and create friendships. He knew that now. And heโ he was just as rock solid and straightforward as the crossbow he once carried, but just delicate. Just as easily hurt and as quick to hide, yet so deeply desiring of loyalty and acceptance. You know that now too.
Itโs still so soon, but you admired him, so deeply. You wanted to learn from him. You thought he was strong, and you wanted to be strong. All that anguish and pain and he came out a fighter, a leader.
Little did you know that is exactly what he thought of you. He went from seeing you cry yourself to sleep every night to becoming the kind and generous friend you were to almost everyone you met. Always offering to care for Judith, or allowing Carl to come to you to talk, or learning about guns and shooting with Rosita. And of course finding a way to go on supply runs, or learn to hunt, or fight walkers with Daryl as much as you could. As always, he pretended not to care that much, but he did. He couldnโt help it. He values his independence, but it was nice that there was someone who wanted to be around him so much. And he admired you for his own reasons as well: Youโre someone who fills others up with lightness when such dark things have happened. He felt like that every time you two weโre together. He wanted to learn from you too.
As he sat there, thinking, he wondered if maybe thatโs why he thought of you when he saw it. Maybe it was the brightness and softness of it, despite finding it on the ground, despite it being dirty. He cleaned it up, and it still shined, thatโs like you butโฆ he was still unsure. Maybe it truly was nothing, maybe it was stupid.
He looked to his side, watching your figure for a moment as he decided what to do. You were on your stomach, laying on the small rug that sat in front of the fire. You were continuing the chapter you were on, paying little attention to him. He only said โhey,โ after all. And you did wave back, you asked him how his day was, but all he gave you was a typical response, โfine,โ he had said. You thought maybe this visit wasnโt about talking so you left it. And all of this was typical anyway, for Daryl to come by Rickโs, or for you two to sit in peaceful silence, but then you started to see him fidget in his spot in your periphery, like he couldnโt decide how he wanted to sit, hands adjusting his jeans, moving things in his pocket.
โDo you wanna go to the porch?โ You thought maybe he was reaching for a smoke. โI can put on the baby monitorโฆโ He just shook his head at the suggestion.
You decide to move to the spot next to him, leaning your back against the wall. โDid something happen today?โ Your voice was soft as you tilt your head, trying to reach his eyes.
โNo,โ he shook his head again, he was facing forward. โItโs justโฆโ
โWhat?โ You asked calmly.
He found it hard to speak, โJust- just brought something.โ He reached into his pocket one last time, his hand in a fist as it made its way closer between the two of you until he started to release his fingers from his palm slowly.
It was a ribbon. A pearly light pink one. Just scattered in his hand. โItโs stupid,โ he grumbled quietly, trying to shove it back down his pocket, but you stop him.
โWait,โ your hands gently cupping the other side of his and then you pick it up, letting him go. You wrap the ribbon around your finger and you tie it into a bow, examining it in your palm now. โThis is for me?โ Soft disbelief enchanted your voice. You made sure not to sound too excited or too surprised. You didnโt want to scare him, especially since he replied with:
โIt's nothinโ.โ He was feeling slightly embarrassed.
โIt's so nice,โ your voice continued in its understated tone despite your smile becoming uncontainable. You couldnโt help the way your lips were curling upward, it was even hurting your cheekbones to try to make your teeth shine through a little lessโ Daryl Dixon just gave you a gift. And it was a little pink thing at that. Perhaps miracles are real. โIt's perfect,โ you say, โI can wear it in my hair.โ
โIt's stupid.โ He repeated, brushing you off, but you saw right through him. Daryl doesnโt do anything for no reason at all.
โIt's not.โ Your words are so kind as your interject, โYou know, sometimes it's the smallest things that mean everything. They become our favorite things even.โ Your lips pressed together, forming another smile as he meets your gaze, โLike your vest that needs to be patched up.โ
โIt's fine,โ he almost sounded defensive. It made you laugh.
As messed up as it is, it truly was fine. It was his and he loved it; that made it so. And he didnโt only have the vest, he also had his cut-up button-downs, and those ties he laced on the bottom of his jeansโ you knew those were probably because the pants available didnโt always fit all the time, but nonethelessโ these were all things that made him and his clothing unique from the others. Even in the apocalypse, Daryl was one of the few that maintained a personal style. You couldnโt help but love it. He could, and often always was, the guy covered all in dirt and grim and blood but he still had something about his look that was simply just him.
You missed that. Having those personal touches, and now here Daryl was with this. The simplest thing, but he brought it for you. It was your special piece, your special something. It truly was perfect.
โCโmere,โ Daryl gestured, taking the ribbon from your hand and moving your shoulders so your back faced him. He undid the bow and cuffed your hair, he actually almost yanked your head with the way he gathered the ponytail, honestlyโ he forgets his strength, but you said nothing. Only giggling slightly, but you were mostly quiet. You tried to keep it down, afraid he might stop if he thought you were making fun of him. You wanted to reel at the closeness for as long as you could. You couldnโt believe the fact that he was doing something so domesticโ you almost couldnโt breathe. He tried to detangle some pieces with his fingers and then he tilted his head to the side to leave some shorter pieces out at the front. He didnโt know what he was doing and he probably was doing it badly, but he tried his best to be delicate. Heโs never touched you like this before. Every time his fingers accidentally brushed against your ear or your neck he relearned just how soft you are. And every feeling of his skin almost made you shiver; like when someone whispers in your ear, it always feels so sensitive, traveling down until you feel it everywhere. His touches felt like that. You always end up feeling his everywhere. Heโs entrancing, filling you with hearts and stars.
Finally, he ties the ribbon into a bow right at the top of the ponytail he created. Heโs done. He lets go. They shapes and colors fade. Everything is cold again.
But to him, everything looked warm and vibrant. Looking at you was a sight so sweet and so gentle among all this dark wreckage of the worldโ it was precisely how he saw you: the way the ribbon now laced around your hair looked like an angelic embrace.
You turn to him, โThank you, Daryl.โ Your smile is so sincere, so lovely, there might as well be a halo and hearts invisibly drawn all around you.
A moment passes as you continue to look at each other and your heart jumps. Heโs still looking directly at you. There are moments that he looks away and you canโt help it, the bashfulness creeps up on you two, but heโs giving you all his attention; it feels great. You decide to take the chance, you can't help yourself, you hug him, you have to. It has been so long since someone gave you something. So long since someone thought of you so specifically and intimately.
Heโs caught off guard, his hands donโt wrap around you until a few seconds later, but when they do, they are sure, and tight, more sure of it than you surprisingly.
You breathe him in, giggling again, โIโm surprised you smell this good.โ
โFuck you.โ It makes you laugh just a bit louder, itโs the nicest โfuck you,โ youโve ever heard. Its tone has a hint of sincerity in tandem with humor in just the same way you delivered your line. He shakes his head, โYouโre silly.โ
He lets you go and you turn away, but itโs only just a little. He watches how the ribbon lays right where he put it again, seeing the side of your face light up with your rosy smile as you sway your head. Youโre trying to not make it obvious that you want to feel the wag of the bow and your hair back there so you do it slowly, it just feels so cool and so pretty. You liked it so much. You didnโt even know what it looked like yet, but it already made you feel more like yourself. Like a part of you that had left before this world beganโ it fit well like a missing piece finally snapping into place. It was your unique touch and he found it for you. He did it for you. Just for you.
For me, you repeated it in your mind, he found it just for me.
Trinket No. 2: The Lesson ลอกโกoหฬถ โ โ โ
Turnpikes, Gunshots, and Dreams
You had asked and asked for weeks with no let up. It made you start getting creative with your pleas: โYou know, Daryl, we really should be teaching each other our skills,โ you had insisted, sarcasm lining your voice. No one else in the group knew how to ride yet they were doing just fine, but you were incessant, โYou never know what kind of situation weโll be in where we might need itโฆ I could die,โ your hands raise as your voice does, โand your bike could be my only escape but I wouldnโt even know how to ride it!โ
He would always just stare at you blankly, ignoring you, especially when you got dramatic like this right before you two were leaving. โGet on or stay,โ he would say, โgo help Rosita or somethinโ.โ
Youโd grit your teeth and get on regardless.
But then one day, one lucky, lucky day for youโ it was your earnest approach, and your silly smile, and sun-filled eyes that got the best of him as they looked up to meet his darker ones. โPlease,โ you said, stretching out the word, it was just as cheesy as your smile. He looked back at you from his front seat as you continued, โI just want to feel capable and- freeโฆ I donโt know,โ but you did, you meant it and felt it from deep inside you. โTo know I have the option I wanted toโฆ Iโฆ I didnโt really have those before.โ
He was still for a moment and then he nodded, restarting the ignition. You guessed that was another no until you started to ride past the walkers that lined the outer gate. โAn hour,โ he said, his eyes forward as the trees became a blur to both of you, โthen we gotta get work done.โ You wrapped your arms around him tightly, you only used to cup his waist or hold his shoulders, but you felt fearless today, head leaning against his back and neck, arms hugging around his torso. He finally said yes.
As time went by, you had gotten comfortable with completing your drills. You learned the controls, how to shift gears, how to waddle and power walk with the bike, operate the clutch, throttle, and lift your feet up, riding on a straight path all by yourself. Turns were still hard though, and the fact that Daryl always insisted you think about the worst-case scenario wasnโt the greatest either. Heโd look you dead in the eye, his voice clear and unrestrained from his usual grovels as he said, โIf a herd is cominโ, or people are shooting, or if thereโs something tryinโ to crash into you, you need to think about how youโre going down. Decide on what wonโt fuck you up completely, then do it. โ He always got way too close to your face without realizing it in those moments, his finger almost crashing into your nose as he vigorously pointed to get the idea across.
โIf something goes down, Iโm not arguing,โ you say. โYou'll be in front.โ You meant it, your voice was quiet, you understood.
But really, you didnโt: โIf something go down, either of us should be able to do it.โ He paused to make sure you got it this time, โThat's the point.โ
As if you didnโt already sense it, this was the first time you absolutely understood that Daryl was serious when he decided to do anything. Full commitment. Start to finish. You said you wanted to learn, that you wanted to be capable, then thatโs exactly what he was going to teach you. You would take it seriously too.
Soon enough, Daryl allowed you to ride out of the gates of Alexandria first instead of switching off after you got a few miles out. You were getting better. So much so that today would be a different day, he explained. Daryl wanted you to ride to the Hilltop. This would be the longest distance youโve ever rode. A whole 23 miles. But before you guys got there he would steer you in the direction of a turnpike: he wanted to practice speed, and most crucially for you, right and left turning.
His weapons and guns were strapped to his lower body, some on his thigh holster, and a machine gun over his back, all just in case, and his hold on your waist was fixed as you rode. It made you feel like a child and such a little teenager all in one with how excited you would get. Not only were you becoming skilled at riding a whole fucking motorcycle, but you were the one he was holding onto this time and it was the longest amount of time he was holding you at that.
As you reached the turnpike, he guided you around the semi-circular road. Continuing on, you saw a few walkers in the distance. He told you to speed up, there was enough space on the road and there were only four of them, they were far away anyway.
You looked back at your surroundings, other than those four, the road was pretty clear other than some broken down, discarded cars. This accidentally became a lesson on tight turns and swerving too.
Some of your turns were abrupt as you tried to go around the cars, it made you nervous. You knew it was okay not to be perfect, but it was still a little stressful to make mistakes when a master was watching behind you.
โRelax,โ heโd tell you, sometimes putting his hands over yours on the handles and helping you out. โYou got it.โ
You went on and as the walkers approached closer, an idea arose. It was probably irresponsible, but you joked anyway, โDaryl,โ you whisper-shouted with fake suspense, getting his attention. โWeโre on a mission. Got to take those guys out before they get to Rick!โ
He chuckled a bit, shaking his head. He leaned in closer as you leaned forward, gaining speed. One arm wrapped around your hips in totality, hand placed firmly there as the other reached for his gun, extending his arm out as you two got closer to the walkers. You two turned to face them as Daryl pulled the trigger: one shot each, straight in the head, โGot โem.โ
You gasp, your laughter sounding so wild and fun and unrestrained in a way it hasnโt been heard by either of you before. โIs it bad if I say I hope we find another one?!โ
โNo, that was fun,โ he agrees understatedly, trying not to fully give in. You couldnโt even see his face, yet he was trying to hide a smile.
And you were too. It was all too much honestly. You were balancing riding and having Daryl right behind you, holding onto you, trusting you to do something heโs never let anyone else do before; and you just proved you both could probably kill it in a high stakes situation. Well, maybe not, this was very, very low stakes, but still, it made you believe. You decided to ride the high, quite literally as you kept going, shouting back: โImagine us in battle?โ
Oh, waitโ your grin fades slightly, you immediately regretted it after you said it. The point of this life was to try to find a way to live, not always fighting to survive. Maybe that wasnโt the best thing to say.
The silence makes you feel like an idiot until Daryl speaks up, both hands now on your hips, thumbs pressing into your back, โIf we were in battle,โ he almost whispers into your ear, โweโd be their worst fuckinโ nightmare.โ
You feel your smile practically reaching your ears. โWeโre a team,โ you say, the humor coming back to your face now, the shine in your teeth reflecting the sun as it always does. โA dream team.โ
A dreamโฆ Maybe. You definitely were at least, but that is a thought he doesnโt let come to the forefront. He let it go. But it was trueโฆ something about you felt unreal to him. The way you wanted to be around him this much, so interested in the things he does; he still didnโt get it, it almost felt unbelievable. He wondered when it was going to stop. When he would wake up. He didnโt want to wake up. The thought grows, he canโt avoid it now: you are a dream. One he didnโt even know he wanted.
Trinket No. 3: Lucky Charms ๏ผ*โขฬฉฬฉอโฉโขฬฉฬฉอ*หห*โขฬฉฬฉอโฉโขฬฉฬฉอ*ห๏ผ
Flying Away With You
You gasp excitedly, โThe Eiffel Tower!โ You hold the bottom up to the light as he still holds the top. โNice,โ you say with bright eyes, โI found the Statue of Liberty in the momโs jewelry box and a few others that werenโt on her charm bracelet.โ You showed him the motherโs sterling silver and he showed you the daughterโs that he found. โI guess they were traveling familyโฆ or wanted to be.โ You feel a heaviness behind your eyes after you say it.
You loved collecting these charms, but sometimes there was a sadness to it. Like you were collecting other people's tokens, little pieces of their personalities and their stories, keeping it as your own. It almost felt invasive. But it was something that you and Daryl did together. You liked that. Another thing that made you feel close to himโฆ Maybe this was like keeping their memory alive? You may not have known them or know what happened to them, but you were giving something that they loved new life. The charms did make you happy, after all. Especially because it was Daryl that got you into it. But it was also you who got Daryl into it too.
You both can recall the first day it all started: He found it incredulous that you cared more about a little piece of jewelry you saw in the dirt rather than the bigger thing that was right by it: the deer Daryl just shot, the one that you two had been tracking for what felt like hours.
His face twisted up to you as he collected his bolt from the body, โWe just caught a deer, and youโre lookinโ at that?โ
โWe just caught a deer for the first time in months and this was right by themโฆ itโs literally good luck!โ You held the gold sun charm to the actual light source it was designed after, โLook at usโฆ Lucky charm, dream team, remember?โ Your smile was just so wide after you said it, he let his slight irritation go. It was easy actually, he was always taken aback by that smile. It still wasnโt that long ago when he thought you werenโt the type to do so, like him most of the time. He had only seen you sad, but now, Iโm Alexandria, you just glowed. Eyes and an essence as bright as the sun, and that smile, all teeth and just as pearly as the moonโฆ The charm was perfect for you and it needed its match. Maybe a star too. He would find it.
He still remembers where he found those. He came across a silver crescent moon necklace discarded on the floor of a girlโs bedroom. It was simplistic, like one or those expensive necklaces that shouldnโt even be that expensive because of how small it was, but it was a perfect charm size, and it shined, there were no scratches. In the other girlโs room in the house, probably the younger sister, there was a charm bracelet on the desk. It was kind of childish and clunky, like one you could get in those supermarket toy vending machines. He took the first charm he touched and removed the clasp from it for your moon. It was hard to do it with his fingers on something so small and dainty but after a few tries, he managed.
As for the star, he found it on a walker in the woods. It was a little girl, it almost made him feel bad to do it because he knew youโd feel bad about it, but her and what looked like her mom and dad went straight for the two rabbits he just caught, ripping their skin, eating them. He shot them all in the head. The thud of their bodies to the ground only seconds apart. Oh well, were his thoughts, their fault for messing with his catch. After that is when he noticed the gold charm bracelet on the kidโs wrist. It was different from the one he saw last time in that other girlโs room, it wasnโt a fake toy, it was more refined. Maybe they were a well-off family.
There was a star was at the center. Itโs all he wanted, but he thought you might want to see the others she had tooโ they were all nature themed, he kind of liked itโ so he tried to take the bracelet off but it wasnโt working. The thing fit her wrist perfectly and the bracelet clasp was stuck so, in typical Daryl fashionโฆ he just chopped the girl's hand off.
Kind of gross, and he would definitely have to keep the red off of everything now, but the star charm was gold, it would match the sun charm and the moon would stand out at the center, he assumed. He thought it could look niceโฆ and beggars canโt be choosers in the apocalypse anyway. After he took the bracelet he discarded of the hand, tossing it to the ground like it was nothing. (Heโd leave that part out if you asked for the story later). Now that he had the bracelet, you would also have a gold owl, a bunny, a bird, and if it couldnโt get any better, there was a deer charm too. Thatโs what was most important about the account anyway.
That night, Daryl crawled into your bedroom from the window while you were asleep. He placed the star and moon on top of your journal that was on your desk, and after that, he left. That was it. He just wanted to surprise you. Heโd give you the rest later. You only realized he did it and how he did it when you closed your window that was slightly left open the next day. There were scuff marks on the window sill. They were from his shoes.
After that it became a game; a little side quest. Like how people would count red versus blue cars or shout โpunch buggy,โ when they are out with their family. An activity that took you out of your boredom, or really, for you in the apocalypse, it was an activity that made you feel oddly sane again, since you always dealt with the insane everyday anyway.
That was what today was about. At least on the down low; at least after you found anything of value for the community; at least to you two. You guys had found what seemed to be a wealthy neighborhood a while ago, when you passed that turnpike. The houses there were so big there, but all you had was his bike at the time, nowhere to put supplies and you were expected at the Hilltop, you couldnโt stay and look around.
It had been a little while after that and you had a plan now, a few Alexandrians backing you up with cars. You two finished your portion of houses to sweep and now you were waiting on the others, sitting in one of the house porches. Thatโs why you both were showing each other your finds from this place and the others.
You continued to hold the Eiffel Tower charm in your hand, โMaybe we should go to Parisโฆโ Your voice was wistfully, then a quietness lingered in the air, it made you laugh awkwardly, releasing the tension. Your suggestion was one of those silly things you say where you mean it, but you pretend itโs just a joke, knowing it wonโt have any outcome. โAll of us, I mean,โ you do mean it, but at the same time you weโre just talking about him right now. โThat would be nice.โ
โWhat would I do in Paris?โ He asks it while he fixes his weapons, youโre sitting back, looking at the trees. He thought it was a ridiculous idea. Heโs never been anywhere. He hadnโt even been to Virginia or D.C. before this and thereโs no way he could go anywhere else now.
โWell I guess weโre never going to know unless we find outโฆ you can eat!โ You laugh, โYou do like eating.โ
He snorts, โWho knows if thereโs food left there.โ
Pessimist. โAgainโ weโre never going to know unless we find out.โ
โHave fun tryinโ to become a pilot,โ his drawl comes out strong on that last word. โOr a plane.โ
โI guess thatโs the next charm we need to find, an airplane or a captainโs hat. I am a pilotโฆ or I can pretend to be.โ Thereโs that smile again, โI can do anything.โ
โBet you could.โ He meant it.
You nod, your next words making you laugh at yourself, โIโm Barbie.โ
โBetter,โ he mutters. You can barely hear it. You don๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝ๏ฟฝt know if it was real so you say nothing untilโ
โWeโre going to travel the world some day, Daryl.โ You say it so surely, breaking the moment of silence, โWeโll find a way.โ As long as weโre together. As long as you want me.
Thatโs all you wanted, truly. Even if this world really couldnโt take you to Paris, or New York, or anywhere out of Virginia. All you wanted was him. All you wished and hoped for is that he wanted youโฆ but did he? You still werenโt sure.
Trinket No. 4: The Flower and the Photograph ๐ข๐ธ
Back Pocket Memory
You two were almost near Alexandria, only a few miles left to drive. โDo you think we can just sit down over there before heading back?โ
Daryl continued driving, โDangerous to leave a good van with supplies just put.โ
You pointed to the clearing you were referring to ahead. The trees were sparse in that area, it might have been a meadow, but you didnโt know the difference. There was a little pond near the center. โCan we just drive the car a little bit closer? Just for a few minutes?โ You look up at him, your eyes doing that little sunshine thing as it always does, โI just want to sit in the grass,โ you say, putting your hand out the window, feeling the wind through your fingers, โthe sky feels so nice today.โ
He huffs, but does as you ask. โGet out,โ he says, gesturing to you to walk over to the area you pointed at. โPick your spot.โ You run over and he follows. You have this wonder about you, it was almost childlike, but not childish, moreโ sweet, innocent perhaps.
You jump down to the ground and cross your legs on the grass, looking out at the pond. Daryl parks the car a little behind you and comes out to sit on the hood. His legs spread, knees almost to his chest, his elbows lay on there, arms extended.
You look at him, โYouโre really not going to sit down?โ
โIf someone comes up behind us and steals our shit then thatโs gonna be your fault.โ
Fair. You gesture at him to move over and you sit to his side on top of the car.
As you settle, you close your eyes and you raise your face to the sky. Feeling the warmth of the sun on your closed eyelids. There was a majestic kind of wind that blew in the air today. It made everything look effortless, especially Daryl.
His ever-so disheveled hair had pieces flying on both sides, brushing some parts out of his face, and pushing others in. As always, it was just enough that they didnโt completely cover his eyes. How does that always happen? Thinking about it makes you giggle lightly as you look at him.
โWhat?โ He asks, becoming a little self conscious.
You shake your head, your eyes looking at him kindly, hoping to ease his nerves. โYou just look nice.โ Your voice was silvery and sweet as you said it.
You get up and skip toward the pond, picking a flower and coming back to him. You sit down and try to put the tiniest white flower behind his ear.
โWhatโre you doinโ?โ He tries to swat it away, playfully hitting your other hand that tries to hold him in place and he takes the flower from your other hand. He successfully places it behind your ear instead. โBetter,โ he says.
As he looks at you, he notices light pieces of your hair frizzing up at the top from the wind, other pieces at the bottom still moving around slightly. It didnโt look bad, to him, your hair looks more like that invisible halo he sees when youโre around, and with that flower in your hair, you look like a true angel or maybe even a fairy with all the greenery surrounding you. Youโre just lovely.
You give him a closed smile, your head falling to your knees. โPretty day,โ you sigh contentedly.
Pretty girl.
Handsome man.
Then a thought comes. Your smile turning to a grin.
โWhat?โ He asks sharply. He knows the look you get when youโre up to something at this point.
You grab your backpack from your side, slowly bringing out the polaroid camera you found earlier today.
โNo,โ he pushes the side of your face, already detesting the idea.
โDaryl,โ you whine.
He says it straight this time, โNo.โ
โButโฆโ your eyes trail his face for a moment before continuing, โyou just lookโฆ I donโt know. Itโs like I said, you just look so- nice.โ Thereโs other words you could use, but you donโt, not yet. โI just think it would be nice to have a nice picture. All we take pictures of is the houses and work. Itโs boring and a waste.โ You pause, โDarylโฆ Please?โ
He rolls his eyes, grumbling, โYou first.โ
Heโs glad no one was around when these moments happened. Someone might think you had him completely whipped. His brother definitely would think so if he was still around. Daryl was almost embarrassed of himself because of it. But you donโt ask for much. Other than the bike thing, you really didnโt. You trusted him and you were patient. You went along with his plans and you could sit for long car rides and periods of time in quietness if thatโs what he wanted. You never pushed him to tell you his story. He only knew a part of yours circumstantially and he didnโt push you for more details after he brought you home, so you did the same. He could feel you wanted to ask more questions, but he also saw you stop yourself, move on, you were creative with your conversation topics: you asked him about what the best thing he hunted was, or what his favorite things were about your friends. You were so gentle with him. Maybe you could get him to do almost anything you wanted without you even knowing, but it was worth it for someone like you.
You look down shyly, โIโm not good at pictures,โ you admit.
โYouโll look fine.โ He wanted to say something else, but he didnโt. Youโre so alike, more than you know.
He tilted your jaw with his thumb. It was too quick for you to melt into it but the feeling lingered, it made you buzz with excitement and it was easy to smile after that. He looked through the viewfinder, seeing you do that pretty sunny smile, matching the yellow bud of the white flower. He clicked the button. Beautiful.
You snatch the camera instantly, โYour turn!โ You were too eager but you didnโt care.
You take the flower from your hair and bring it toward him. He sucks his teeth, saying your name as he does so, โNo!โ
โYes, Daryl!โ You push it over his ear, but not before he pushes you knee, just to do it. He didnโt even know why he was fighting, he knew he was letting you have your way right now. โLook,โ you sound like a school teacher, โvery nice.โ
You even out some of the frizzy parts at the top of his head, the light wind was still blowing through it, it was futile so you left it, he looked great anyway. A perfectly imperfect mess.
He crossed his arms over his knees and looked into your eyes. You held the camera to your face and snapped the shot. โBeautiful.โ
You stare at him for a moment longer. If anyone else was here that could see those all to familiar hearts and stars around you and in your eyes, it was so hard to hide. โIโm keeping this,โ you said, placing the polaroid delicately in your back pocket. He said nothing, he wasnโt going yo let you know he cared about a dumb picture. โOkay, thank you for indulging me,โ you start, taking the flower from his ear, โletโs go home.โ
Later that night, past one am, he came through your window again. But this time you saw. Your head was almost covered by the blankets, your eyes slightly open. He didnโt even look in your direction. Maybe he wanted to be quick.
You saw him go into your bookbag. It was hanging on your desk chair. He took the picture out. He wanted it. He wanted your picture. The one that matched yours of him. Maybe this was something. Maybe he did want you.
You closed your eyes quickly when he started to turn around, then watched as quietly as you could as he neared the window, starting to climb out but not before he placed the polaroid in his back pocket, just like you did. Now you both had a piece of each other, forever.
Trinket No. 5: The Music Player and the Wish on an Eyelash โ โโ โ
โ
โนโน โป โฌโช
Never Fade Away
Itโs official, in all the ways it possibly could be: Alexandria was truly your home. More time has passed: you live in a house, you have a job, you have familyโ itโs your friends. In some ways things are better than they have ever beenโฆ yet you still think about the night and the dark just as much as you used to. You tried to hide it, you wanted to be grateful and you were. But the things that used to happen to you, and the people that hurt youโฆ they still lingered like ghosts when night came.
In the closed and guarded walls of your community, you hoped night could be a time and place that was peaceful. But thoughts of an attack, thoughts of losing your first real home, it left you apprehensive and paranoid of what could happen in your vulnerable state. And when you close your eyes, sometimes the past visits your dreams. It all felt inescapable.
It makes you so fearful that despite keeping your windowโs curtain open, a battery-powered lantern resides practically glued to your nightstandโ always on when the sun goes down. You knew it was a waste of a resource, but at least you kept it on low, at least when you woke up in the middle of the night, closer to morning really, you remembered to turn it offโ the sun making its way back around soothed your nerves; it was always that initial getting-to-sleep part that made you need it anyway.
And of course, youโve tried to calm yourself down at night using different methods to see what stuck: You do readโ your neighbors were always kind enough to lend whatever books were in their housesโ and you did daydreamโ letting your mind wander to happier, more wondrous places when you wanted to escapeโ and it did help sometimes, but on other nights, it wasnโt enough.
You miss watching tv in bed. There was something about the buzz of the box, and the voices of humor and romance and relatability that miraculously took you away, and helped you stop thinking, even allowed you to drift to sleepโฆ it was a luxury you didnโt have anymore, and not only did you not have that luxury, you also had an overabundance of dead or deadly issues to worry about. It all haunted you.
You sat with your back against the headboard of the bed. Youโve yet to put on any night clothes. You had already read the next chapter of your book, and you would have read another, and possibly another after that, but tonight you knew it would have just kept you awake as something to do instead of worrying about sleep. You were tired though. Thatโs why you stopped, but you also werenโt ready for trying to catch sleep that wouldnโt come.
Part of you hoped Daryl would stop by, but he doesnโt always, and he probably wonโt tonight. Some nights heโs out until the next day or the next week, who knows how far he went this time, you didnโt go with him and he left too quickly to ask. It had been a few days since you saw him last.
When he was here though, he did start to make it a habit of stopping by to see you, especially when it was time for Alexandrians to settle into their homes for the night. He stopped being so quiet through the window and only dropping things off. He would start coming through the door. It was just a light chat for a couple of minutes at first, then there were the times when he stayed an hour or two. He always sat on your floor, by the window, or by the door. You never understood why until you insisted he sit in your chair by the closet. It was only until a few more visits later you realized the chair's light color becoming just a bit visibly darker. It was soot and hard work and the air, he worked outside all day and usually visited before he called it a night. You made sure not to mention it, you just cleaned it yourself. No need for him to feel embarrassed.
Besides, you didn't mind, anytime he walked through your door or jumped in from your window, that was his chair, at least thatโs what you called it in your head. You liked that. You liked that after he brought you home he didnโt move on and let you be. In his defense, you didnโt let him be either, but he could have always distanced himself if he wanted to, told you no, but he didnโt.
You two have gotten so close quite quickly. You both felt it and you didnโt know why, but at the same time, you did. It was something left unspoken, even in your mind, always on the side toward the back of your brain. That part knew you could fall in love with him, but why admit it to yourself if the other person might not feel the same? You were still feeling that way. Despite all the moments youโve shared thus far. His silent nature was endearing at times, but it could also be a very confusing gripe of yours. There were moments when you knew exactly where his mind was, but there were other times when you simply did not. Especially when it came to you. Daryl always gave you just enough, and maybe tonight, it would be nothing at all.
At least thatโs where your thoughts resided until you heard the creak of your door slowly pushing inward.
Darylโs hand holds the doorknob, meeting your eyes as he steps in further. Your window casting just enough light on his face.
โHi,โ you meant to be clever, ask him if he knew how to knock, but only wistful, subdued surprise is all that came out in your one-word greeting.
โHey,โ he replied, it almost seemed like he was surprised too, you couldnโt tell it from his voice but from the way he cut the word short. โDidnโt know if you were awake.โ
You laugh somberly, โYou didnโt?โ
โDidnโt see you in the window.โ
His voice is low, your house is quiet, and people are asleep in the other rooms. You match his tone with your own quietness, โRight,โ you say. The window did hit the bed end, not the top. But he knew you were a late sleeper. He even came and sat with you for longer the night before he left because you had told him about itโ he knew, he had to, but you didnโt question it.
โUm,โ heโs looking down, โWas just gonna leave somethinโ.โ
He starts to walk to your nightstand but you stop him, your hand reaching out, not touching him, but itโs just enough to pull him to your gaze. โYouโre gonna leave without showing me?โ
Daryl positions himself toward you and you sit up. Gingerly, he takes something small out of his front pocket, it was covered in one of his bandanas. He looks at it for a moment, almost unsure before placing it on the bed, right in front of your lap.
It was an MP3 player. One of those slim rectangular ones with a digital rectangular screen to match and a big circular button with the controls covering the bottom half. There were some small scratches in the screen corners and some dent marks in the back. The arrow buttons were starting to fade too, but he handed you some headphones out of his back pocket as you continued to examine it, it must have worked.
You look up at him, eyes wide, shining just a bit in the dark just like the little silver miracle that was in your hands. You remembered having one of these, the thought made your lips curl, a light open-mouthed smile forming as the nostalgia set in.
You move closer to the edge of the bed, the sky illuminating you more in your semi-darkened room. You place your hand on the other end of your bed, โCome,โ you say as your tap the spot. Heโs hesitant before he finally accepts the invitation, sitting down. You would have insisted anyway if he didnโt.
You flip the switch on the side then and the music starts instantly in your right ear where you set one of the earbuds in. You tried to put the left on him, but he shook his hand, โYou listen.โ You let him be for now, you were too excited to see what the previous owner was into.
The songs are scattered from different decades, but what you notice the most of as you skip through were various 90s and 2000s rock, pop-punk, pop, and the like. There was Nirvana, but also Fiona Apple to Blondie, and even Elvis. It was a little all over the place, really. This definitely had to be a teenโs in the early or late aughts. You thought maybe Carl would like this. There was even some stuff that you were sure had to have come out in 2010, right before the apocalypse beganโฆ Another kid who wouldnโt get to spend the rest of their teens, or young adulthood, or adult life like they were supposed to, like you were supposed to.
Having these thoughts while Aerosmithโs Fly Away From Here played was not helping, especially since it made you think of your lost family, and those from your found family that were gone now too, so you decided to skip, but the button seemed to fidget. You tried again, then again, even touching the screen. You accidentally made the shuffle icon come onto the bottom corner.
โDonโt like Aerosmith?โ Daryl read it on the screen, but he also recalled the melody, even from just the soft buzz produced by the headphones, the volume was accidentally turned all the way up, you set it down.
You give him a light smile, โAerosmithโs fine. Just have to be a little more careful with this, I guess.โ
You continue to press forward to see what else is there until you shriek, color coming back to your face as you shake your head at the memory emerging as you listen. โOh my god, my sibling used to love this song when we were younger.โ It was Avril Lavigneโs Girlfriend that was playing. โWe used to put on the radio or look up the music videos on the tv and dance. They loved doing thatโฆโ Your voice was soft, both sweet yet desolate, โI knew all the popular songs and all their favorite songs whether I liked it or not.โ You giggle, โI can lie this one is fun.โ
You knew Daryl would probably scoff, but you lightly place the left earbud near his ear for a few seconds so he can hear what youโre talking about.
โDefinitely a chickโs.โ
โโChickโ?โ It was funny, and you did laugh, but you still decide to protest, โItโs just one song andโฆI donโt know, I think itโs a pretty eclectic mix of artistsโฆโ You continue to press forward as you ask, โWere there kids? Or- did there used to be?โ
โBased on the rooms.โ He nods, โBoy and a girl.โ
โHm,โ you say curiously, flipping through the songs: the next one that played was by Linkin Park, then Alanis Morisetteโฆ you wondered if the kids shared it or shared interests. Suddenly, the player starts Litโs My Own Worst Enemy. Your eyes are starlit as you gasp, โOh, this one is so you.โ
This time you fully push the headphone into his left ear, turning the volume all the way up as the first verse plays, his face is fixed, โThis ainโt me.โ There is silence as the music continues and he scorns, โYou think I used to just get drunk all the time?โ
โDaryl,โ your laugh is light, โno.โ It was a ridiculous thought and he should know it, but nonetheless, you console him, โOf course not.โ Your hand reaches forward onto the bed, nearing where his own resided, but not touching. It saddened you to see Daryl always react like this to small things. He was never judgmental, but he was always so quick to believe others would judge him. โMaybe not that part,โ you smile, slightly mischievous, โbut- okay, this-โ you sing-speak along lightly, remembering to stay quiet, โitโs no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy, cause every now and then I kick the living shit out of me- that's you! That's literally you.โ
He shakes his head, โWhatever,โ the gesture says with his grunt.
โNo, youโre actually a little bit self-deprecating, I think. At least internally.โ You continue, โOh, and this partโ I didn't mean to call you that- you see?โ You say, humor still in your smile, โThat part is you.โ
Daryl gives you another small grunt indicating โnoโ as he shakes his head again. โIf I say something to someone, then I mean it. Wouldnโt say it if I donโt.โ
โWell, you also mean a lot of what you donโt say,โ your eyes trail to the side. You knew that didnโt make sense, but it did to you. There was a part of you that was still in denial of your feelings or if there was a possibility he had any for you either. Youโd never see him talk or treat anyone in a more than friendly wayโ or whatever Darylโs version of friendly was. You wanted to protect yourself by not admitting you adored him, even to yourself, but really, you knew. And there was the way he kept giving you these things, these little moments: the ribbon, the picture, the charmsโฆ It made that smaller part of you that believed something was there, glow and warm inside your heart.
You look at him, there was a sorrow placed on both of your faces, but he just looks at his hand that is placed on the bed through his hair, the one that's so close to yours. โYou really donโt think there is anything you donโt regret saying?โ Another song passes, you didnโt recall it, but then the playlist shifts to something slower, itโs the Beatles. โI just think you keep a lot insideโฆ Itโs okay though. But it is just something I notice.โ
Normally, a comment like this or something similar to it would sound trite and judgmental, there are a lot of things people donโt talk about now, but you say it with understanding, a little sad because you canโt help it, but your voice is kind, like gentle fingers through his hair, evening it out; a voice that shows you care, you see him and respect him even if you do want more. โItโs okay,โ you whisper as Paul McCartneyโs voice sings softly, โIโm not half the man I used to be, thereโs a shadow hanging over me.โ It felt like he was speaking right to Daryl as he continued to look away from you.
Itโs moments like this where he wants to say it all. The sad stories from his childhood that he has never been able to tell anyone before. Stories about his brotherโฆ the bad, yes, but even some of the good ones. He knows he could talk to Rick if he wanted, or Carol. His group was loyal to him as much as he was to themโ he knew that, but they probably wouldnโt care to hear about Merle, it would probably make them angry to be reminded of all the bad things heโs done to them. He wouldnโt blame them. In many ways, and for more reasons then all of them, he will always be angry at his brother too. This is why he didnโt even like to let himself think about the past, but in other ways, it still sucked. It makes him feel alone, like talking about himself or his brother or the past was just a gateway to hurting himself and scaring others, scaring you.
You wipe him away from those thoughts even though you didnโt even hear them, your voice pulling him out of his trance, โThings are harder now, Daryl, but I think youโve only gotten better.โ There is still so much you donโt know, but nonetheless, itโs like you can read his mind.
โThis is the only me you know.โ
โAnd even then I donโt think youโre the man I met when you found meโฆ Weโre definitely not the same people.โ Your hand is just inches from his fingertips now. โWe all have things to improve on, even if we think weโve already grown up. I think thatโs a part of growing up actuallyโฆ just realizing that you never do, or at least not entirely. Youโre always going to continue to grow.โ Your words linger in the air as the next song starts, itโs Paramore, itโs The Only Exceptionโ something still laced with melancholia but it has a sweet gentleness to it. It's just like you. This is how you were trying to be with your words. โItโs better if you allow it though, or work toward it instead of against it, I think.โ You laugh at yourself then, โBut I'm far from perfect so I should really stop talking.โ Blush creeps onto your cheeks, youโre hopeful the nightโs light doesnโt show it too much.
He wishes he could tell you he thinks youโre perfect, or at least something close to it. At least for him. You truly were like an angel. Maybe Radiohead is on this too.
The chorus continues to play, leading to the songโs ending and his jaw tightens. Itโs annoying that you were right, your words from before echo to him. They werenโt nonsensical, he did get it: he does mean the things he never says as much as the things he does, but no one will ever get to know. Not that everyone has to, but maybe for you, maybe just a little, maybe you can be the exception. And he can tell that youโre trying to me: who carries around a silly little ribbon anyway? Or who keeps their window open almost every night, even on cold nights? He felt like he was failing you. Maybe these gifts and these small moments weren't enough. Maybe they were just trinkets; meaningless, giving you false hope for a love he couldnโt provide.
You both hear the outro, โOh, and Iโm on my way to believing,โ and his heart pangs at that. Maybe he doesnโt have to fail, maybe he can try, at least right now, โItโs justโฆโ he speaks up, his voice clears, โIt made me think of you when I saw it.โ He was talking about the mp3, โThatโs why I brought it backโฆ Youโre always humming under your breath. Now you can stop annoying me with the same old thing.โ
Your eyes roll, but you arenโt mad, in fact, you can't help that it makes you smile. โOh, okay, Daryl,โ you say through quiet bits of laughter.
โAlso thought it could help you sleepโฆ I dunno.โ
You nod intently at his words, โThank you,โ and that wistfulness in your voice returns. โThat's really kind.โ
He nods back. Heโs so gruff and straight-faced all the time, but was it bad to say that there were moments when you can't help but see him as adorable? He was always trying not to meet your gaze through his hair, and it was always messy like a kidโs, just like when you took that photograph.
Museโs Starlight starts playing as you brush some of the hair out of his face. It's an awkward transition, but it's what you get from accidentally pressing shuffle so many times. In the end, though, the words make it seem perfect for the moment. The singer spoke of desire and escape, about missing loved ones and wanting to keep someone special, someone that's like starlight, close by. You understood that. He did too.
You giggle lightly, โDaryl, you- you have somethingโฆโ You point at your face in reflection of his.
โWhat?โ He wipes his nose.
โNo, it's- itโs here,โ you say, taking your finger to lightly catch the eyelash that threatened to slip away from his face and onto the bed. โMake a wish,โ you whisper. Your face is nothing short of innocence and wonder.
His snorts, โIโm not doinโ that.โ
โDaryl,โ you eyes widened with apparent prodding and pleading annoyance, but your words still have a sense of amusement to them, โI think we need all the luck we can get.โ Your head tilts as you say through your smiling teeth, โIโll do it with youโฆ?โ
โFine.โ He canโt help that your squeal makes his lips curl but heโs trying to hide it.
โYou have to really do it.โ You turn the music down, it's in the background now. Your usual sun-filled eyes are currently wide like the moon as you look into his, coming closer to his face.
He nods, โOkay.โ
โPromise?โ You sing.
โPromise.โ He meant it, he even closed his eyes before you to prove it.
You closed your eyes too, โOkay, Iโm trusting you.โ Squeezing them tightly, you whisper, โThink about what you want, and then I'm going to count to three and we blow.โ
Instantly, your heart foolishly thinks of Daryl. You know you could be thinking about the safety of your group, the stability of Alexandria, or hoping that the threat everyone feels coming subsides into nothingness, but all your thoughts are just of him. It makes you feel like a silly little girl, waiting for that big romantic confession of love that you dream about, the one that will probably never come.
I wish for you, you think. You canโt help it, you canโt say anything else, this is the only thing thatโs true, I just wish to stay by your side, forever.
The song echoes your hopes too, Iโll never let you go if you promise not to fade away.
You agree, never fade away, please.
โOkay,โ you say softly aloud, โ1โฆ 2โฆ 3โฆโ And then your wish flies into the air. You two stare at each other afterwards, eyes starry like the sky from your window.
You wished for each other.
Trinket No. 6: Scars, Marks, Tattoos, and Internal Wounds โหโบโงโโฝโฏโพโโงโบหโ
The Things I Only Trust You to Know
Itโs another night. Another visit. It wasnโt intentional this time, but your curtains were drawn. Theyโre almost never drawn, at least not completely. The window was still open though, the nightโs breeze ruffled them backwards. Daryl became concerned, so he climbed up, opening the window wider and pushing the curtains to the side to get through.
He saw you crying.
Hearing the thud of his boots stomp lightly to the ground triggered you to turn, body facing the closet as you were curled in your bed. You didnโt want him to see you. โIโm tired tonight, Daryl.โ Your voice was low, you tried to keep in neutral. For the most part you were doing well, but it was still obvious you werenโt fineโ he saw your face before you covered it.
He sat down on the edge of your bed, his legs hitting by your feet. He didnโt feel like asking if you were okay if you were going to lie and say no. โYou can tell me to go if you want,โ was all he said, rubbing your arm as he did and then let go. You starting sniffling involuntarily because of the touch. You realized you were holding in a breath, the shaky exhale came out louder than you wished it did. โIโm sorry,โ your voice blubbering. You were embarrassed. You hadnโt done this in front of him since before he brought you home.
โDonโt gotta be.โ
โI feel stupid,โ you say under your breath. Youโre still trying to hide your face.
โStop.โ He puts his hand over your body now, on the bed, and he faces you. โWhatโs wrong?โ
You shake your head slowly, looking at him, โI donโt know how to say. I canโt-โ
โJust say it,โ he said calmly.
You felt heat rising from your throat, it was like the words were trying to come out, but it felt scary to do so, it made your teeth grind against each other. Your head shakes harder, โI donโt think I can.โ
He brings a hand to your face and wipes some of your tears with his thumb, โWhat would you tell me?โ
You would tell him to speak, that itโs okay, you both knew it. The thought makes you sit up in your bed, tears still running down your cheeks, but you were going to try.
โYouโre just going to get annoyed,โ you wipe some of your tears with your wrist, โthink Iโm dumb, like a little girl.โ
โYouโre not dumb,โ he spoke over you before you finished.
You pause, you shake your head again. The words are on your tongue but you just feel so bad and so embarrassed to admit it. โSometimes I justโฆโ your voice hitches and your hands goes to your head, more tears fall, โitโs just one of those days, I guess.โ
One of Darylโs hands goes to your shoulder and your upper back, he pats you until it quickly becomes a soft, swaying motion.
Your voice doesnโt go above the lightest whisper as you try to start again, โSometimes- I just look at myself and I-โ a sob erupts from your throat and tears roll much quicker, โI know youโre going to think Iโm stupid, but sometimes I just wonder if anyone could love me.โ It doesnโt even feel good to finally admit it, but you continue, โI feel like thereโs something wrong with me. Like maybe Iโm not enough. Or Iโll never be.โ
Darylโs face heats up. How could you ever feel that way about yourself? How do you not see yourself as anything less than everything heโs seen in you since the day he met you? Youโre not stupid. Never. He feels stupid for not seeing this in you. He feels stupid for it being so hard for him to tell you everything wonderful about yourself in the way you deserve.
He thinks for a moment, he wishes he was more poetic, but he wasnโt and there are still certain things heโs not ready to say. So he decides on something else as he calls your name, โYouโre telling me you canโt see youโre a tough son of a bitch?โ The phrase makes you laugh involuntarily through your tears, he always says it like itโs one word. โOne that found a way to burn down a hospital and kill a bunch of dickheads in one go just to stay alive?โ He huffs, โPrettiest arsonist Iโve seen.โ
You gasped but it made you smile lightly, it was funny. โIโm not an arsonist! And it was only part of the building.โ
โCoulda fool me.โ He tilts his head, โBut youโre also probably one of the best scavengers we got. And youโre a good friend.โ His hand travels to your knee, โYouโre really good at talkinโ to peopleโฆ and to me.โ
You try to let his words fill you up but there is still doubt. โI donโt feel like pretty and really good are the right words.โ
โThen youโre wrong.โ
You shake your head.
He doesnโt get it, โWell, what do you see that Iโm not?โ
Your heart beats ferociously, you donโt move, youโre hesitant, you donโt know if this is right, but there is a part of your that wants to. โCan I show you something?โ You asked.
He nods.
Itโs scary, but you decide to trust him, showing him the part of yourself you felt most ashamed of. The part of you that you thought was unloveable.
But he sees nothing shameful, nothing bad, he just holds onto it or another part of you, caressing you gently. โYouโre perfect,โ he says, shrugging as if his words arenโt a big deal, but he knows they are. This is the first time he doesnโt keep a thought like this in his head anymore. โThereโs nothing wrong with you.โ
He turns his back on you now, and he takes a breath, sighing deeply. Youโre confused until he sighs and starts to speak; โWhen you were with those guysโ and I know it ainโt the same, butโ I know what itโs like. For people to use you.โ He swallows hard, โI donโt like myself all the time neither.โ
Your eyes widen. He was taking off his shirt. The first thing you see are tattoos, until your eyes travel to the other side, you see what he meant; the scars. โMy dad. He was a drunk and a loser and an asshole.โ Daryl's voice hitched, you couldnโt tell if he was crying or not, but you had never heard him like this before. โHe did it to my brother too, Merle. But then he just left when he was old enough. Didnโt even give a shit that our dad was gonna do it to me,โ there was anger in his voice. โHe said he didnโt know,โ and then he chokes on his words, โbut how can I believe that? Thought itโd just skip a generation? He never changed. Neither of โem.โ You wanted to hold him, but you didnโt know if it was too soon. He was still speaking, โThen when I got old enough, I left too. Some time later I started drifting โround with Merle, like that was gonna be any betterโฆ Two fucked up kids doing nothinโ with their fucked up lives.โ His face turned to the side, you saw his profile, his eyes were red, โThatโs what I did before Rickโฆ You all were going to do good things with your life and I was gonna be nothing.โ
โDarylโฆโ you were crestfallen, โIโm so sorry.โ You held his arm, stroking it softly. โBut you werenโt going to be nothing.โ
โYes, I was.โ
โThere is no thinking about what could have been. This is how life is. Maybe this was always going to happen,โ your voice falters as you say it. โYouโre not nothing. Youโve become everything to so many people.โ
He turns his face back around and you look at his back again. It was difficult to look at, you wonโt lie. Your heart sunk low, like it was being squeezed and brought down to the pit of your stomach to know that someone put him through this. Someone who was supposed to love him. Another tear escaped your eye at of the thought.
โDaryl,โ you stutter meekly, โIs it okay if I hold you?โ
His nod is so faint you barely see it, but he doesnโt say anything else so you believe it is a yes.
Your fingers ghost over his back until you let the tips of them finally lay on his skin.
His eyes wince and squeeze as he shutters despite your fingers trailing so tenderly. Your palm is now flat on his back as you move downwards and back up again. You kiss near his shoulder, right on the tip of his highest tattoo and then you wrap your arms around him, under his arms over his waist, and he holds your hands there.
You stay there for a long while, you donโt have a recollection of time. The moment feels like forever, although it is sad and you wished you werenโt discussing the things you were to get here, you donโt want it to end. โYouโre the bravest person Iโve ever met,โ you tell him.
Itโs quiet until he says, โNo,โ disagreeingly, โYouโre not brave just because you go through some shit.โ
โBut you still are,โ you insist. โThis happened to you and you chose to be the person you are now despite it. You became someone invincible.โ You pressed him against you tighter, โIโm proud of you. Every day.โ
Finally he turns around and takes you in his arms, your head now resting over his shoulder as your chests touch, closing the gap. You lay down on the bed and he stays on top of you. One hand plays with your hair and you continue to caress his back.
โI really like your tattoos,โ you whisper, almost a giggle in your voice. โThey look really good on you.โ
He smiles a little. He never takes off his shirt so people barely see all the ones he has. He liked that you liked them. โThank you,โ he says.
โDo you want more? If you could?โ You also want to ask why he got the ones he did, but the crying has made you sleepy and him being on top of you is making your mind hazy. โI wish I could,โ is all you add.
He looks at you, โMaybe thatโs the next thing we find.โ He was talking about a tattoo gun, โThatโs the kind of junk people donโt need now, weโll look.โ
He plays with your hair again, both your smiles are so innocent and lazy, you two would knock out soon, but it was nice to talk about something that used to be mundane for a moment.
โWhat if we do it and it turns out bad?โ
โWeโre not gonna find it tomorrow.โ
โRight,โ you say, moving on. โYou knowโฆ I remember I used to be so scared of that stuffโ needles and blood. I can imagine wincing just thinking about a needle touching me at the doctorโsโฆ But now, I think thatโs a pain Iโd actually preferโฆ Rather than the other things weโve gone throughโฆ If there ever was a choice like that.โ
He agrees, โIf there was a choice, Iโd be covered by now.โ
You two laugh at that, letting go of each other. Your bodies are on your sides, parallel to one another as you lay down. Youโre on the side that faces the window and Darylโs back is to it. He sees the moonlight illuminate your face because of it, the glow makes you look enchanting.
He wonders if you would get oneโ a tattoo, or another one, of this: of the moon; of the night where you showed each other parts of your bodies you wanted to hide, thinking they were flaws; of the night where you accepted each other fully despite it. Where he laughed and felt happy even after he shared something so dark. He almost never laughs or feels happiness in its totality, but with you, he does. It happened right now as heโs looking at you.
You see his face glistening in tandem with the white light that shines on you, itโs darker, but itโs still there. You were wondering the same exact thing.
Your eyes feel heavy now. They slowly flutter shut, but you try to keep them open. You donโt want him to leave. But he sees that your face dozing off, youโre tired, your eyes keep trying to close and close fully. He quietly gets up to go, but you stop him. Holding onto his forearm, sliding down to his hand. โJust stay,โ you murmur, โplease,โ itโs light and dream-like. So he does. He doesnโt want to let go of your hand. He doesnโt want to let go of you.
You both stay at your sides, your intertwined hands at the center. He continues to look at you and you smile softly as your body finally allows your eyes to close shut. You drift swiftly to sleep. And he stays awake for a while longer, fixed on you and your slowing breath until sleep finds him too.
Daryl being right there, and you being right next to him, made everything infinitely better.
Despite it being vague on details, feel free to skip around areas of this one if you are not comfortable with reading about the reader being imprisoned at the Sanctuary.
Trinkets No. 7 & 8: The Second Ribbon and the First Kiss หห เญจเญง หห เชโโด -`โฅ๏ธยด-
Confessions From a Broken Bowman and a Battered Beaut
It had taken a long while for you and Daryl to talk again after you escaped the Sanctuary.
The last time he saw you was through your tears as Neganโs men threw him in a van, your eyes bloodshot, wanting to scream and plead. He felt it was his fault that he didnโt fight harder; he felt that it was his fault that you were in there for so long; felt it was his fault that you were taken there in the first place. He couldnโt save Glennโ a burden he still carried so deeply, even after talking to Maggieโ and that led to not being able to save you. He felt like he left you, not knowing you would have been in the same place he was if he didnโt escape before you got there. But what choice did he have? He didnโt know. And he doesnโt even know if itโs a good or bad thing to admit that in a heart beat, he would take another day of torture, of abuse and pain, if it meant he was with you, and you could make it out together. One more day for him would have been worth your days only adding up to one hand if it could. It would have been better than just waiting for you on the other side. Having to hide just so Negan wouldnโt find him and kill him and more of his friends because of it.
And even worse, what if he threatened Daryl with you instead? Especially since you were still there, with him. Thatโs part of the reason why Daryl wanted to blow up the Sanctuary. It would have just been one side. Just enough to cause the chaos you needed to run away from your captures and back home. You were fast enough, he knows you are, and you must have known all the exits by now. He tried to convince himself of it. Rick told him it was a bad idea, dangerous to do that to the workers, and most importantly to youโ it too many what ifs if it didnโt work outโ but what else was he supposed to do? He needed you out, and the Saviors to be gone. It felt like the only choice.
But then, Daryl saw your face. You got out, you didnโt need another fire. It must have been their first attack against the Sanctuary that helped.
Your breathing was so heavy when you finally stopped, you were running so fast, there were patches of dirt all over you, sweat dripping from your neck. It must have been fate that he, Tara, Micchone, and Rosita were right there on the other side, ironically trying to go back to the place you just escaped from.
All their guns were pointed in your direction. They heard the gunshots, they heard someone running. They instantly dropped everything when they saw that it was you.
It felt like the world turned in its full rotation in seconds, coming into a halt all in this moment. The woods, the running, the chance encounterโ him; itโs like you were brought right back to the start.
He was speechless, stunned in a way he didnโt expect, mouth agape and yours the same. You didnโt know what to say and he didnโt know how to apologize in the way he felt he should, so you both just stood there. Tears started to well in your eyes. All he did in the end was look down.
This exchange of stares happened only in a mere matter of seconds until Rosita brought you in for a hug, cursing leaving even though she knew you didnโt have a choice, being so happy you were back, but for you it felt agonizingly long.
And for Daryl, it all felt endlessly hopeless. The reality that his plan probably could, or most definitely would have killed you sunk in. He was stupid for thinking that it could work. And seeing you in that wife's dress? A black bow tied to the back of your head? It was unbearable. He hates that he found it hard to even look at you.
The two other women welcomed you back, Michonne even looked teary eyed. The sight made some of your own tears fall because of it. She took you by the shoulder and Rosita took your waist, guiding you to the trunk. Tara went back near Daryl, she wanted to ask if their new plan at the Sanctuary was still a go but waited when she noticed Rosita sent a glare Darylโs way. It honestly did more to Tara than Daryl. He didnโt even bother meeting her face, he was already punching himself for his silence, for his inaction. He just got in the driverโs seat and took off.
After that, you watched him, waiting to see when his eyes would finally meet yours, but he tried to avoid them as much as he could. The only time he spoke to you was to ask if you were okay when Alexandria fell and you were all in the sewers, and when he entrusted you to take care of Judith as he guided everyone to the Hilltop afterwards.
This treatment was excruciating, but you said nothing. You didnโt feel like yelling at him, you just wanted him. And there was no time between when you came back to right now when you could speak alone anyway if you did want to yell. If you asked why he probably would just shoved you off and youโd get more sad and upset than you already were, or maybe youโd pester, demanding some kind of answer and he'd be the one that might yellโฆ no reason to fight in front of people, especially since there are so many other things to worry about.
But you remember when you finally got to the Hilltop, and how you saw the way he embraced Carol almost right after he saw her. You werenโt upset about that specifically. You admired Carol, even if you didnโt get to know her that well yet. You knew they loved each other, you thought they had a beautiful relationshipโฆ It wasnโt that. It was the fact that you fought all the way to get back to your family, to him, and it felt like it was all just so he could act like a stranger again. He didnโt even say hello when he saw you, or ask how you got out, or that he missed you. Maybe he didnโt. That was the real reason you said nothing. The thought broke your heart.
You could at least say that Negan talked to you, and didnโt keep all his feelings insideโ whether they were real or not, you were only half sure somtimesโ but your time at the Sanctuary, becoming a soon-to-be-wife, it was a hardship only you endured. No one would understand the humor of that sick joke, and it especially wasnโt the time nor would it ever be when everyone hated him and wanted to kill him so desperately.
The next day came by, you all prepared for the Saviors to attack at Hilltop. You were on a break, sitting in the cellar. It was dark, but it helped relieve you from the incessant heat that beamed outside.
Daryl was looking for you. This happened to be the third place he went around. He had just spoke to Rick, apologized for their fight. He felt awful that it took until after Carl passed for them to talk about it, and that his passing made Rick start to believe all the killing might be the only option like Daryl believed before. He still wasnโt sure what he felt now. All he knew is he couldnโt let you two go on like this any longer. It was time to talk to you.
As he opened the cellar door he kept it slightly open, letting the light emanate through.
He sits down next to you, bringing his knees up as he usually does. You donโt bother looking at him. Maybe he would just ask you to do him a favor like last time.
There is silence for a moment. He doesnโt know where to begin. All he decides to say is, โYou got Judith here safe, I made sure Rick knew. Thank you.โ
โYouโre the one who led us here.โ Your voice says quietly.
โYou helped chop a lot of those walkers down in the swap.โ
You sigh, not answering him right away. โThis isnโt a competition.โ
โI know,โ he mutters.
Silence is all that hangs in the air again. With each second that passes it makes your throat swell, bubbling up to your tongue and brain as it usually does until youโre trying to hold back tears.
Daryl was feeling similarly. All his words were caught in his throat too, wanting to be said out loud but he canโt, itโs like someone is squeezing and choking him right there. And he can see your teary eyes, it could almost make his eyes match.
He says your name low and slow, โDo you hate me?โ
Youโre stunned at the thought. Your words are hushed but vehement, โHow could you ever think Iโd hate you?โ
โI left you-โ
โYou didnโt know.โ
โI couldโve fought harder when they put me in that van, you grabbed onto me and I still let them take meโโ
You speak in between his words, โWhy are you acting like you had a choice?!โ
โโI couldโve went back right after they told me thatโs where you were. Not leave you! I coulda done that.โ
You shake your head, your voice a sharp whisper, โIf you tried either of those things you would have been dead. Everything would be worse and this probably still would have happened.โ
โI couldโve done something,โ is all he repeats. Quietness fills the space again. Youโre never going to agree on this. Heโs stuck on what happened and youโre upset about whatโs happening.
You breathe in shakily. Heโs still finding it hard to look and it hurts, it makes you sad and angry.
Your voice becomes stifled, almost weepingly as you ask, โDarylโฆ Why canโt you even look at me? Why have you barely talked to me since I came back?โ
His voice raises strainingly, โCause I left you.โ
Your voice cries as your head shakes again slowly, โYou didnโt leave me, they took me. You left me now.โ That makes him turn. You see his eyes, theyโre puffed and the whites of his eyes are a faint red, and yours are still watery. โItโs not your fault.โ
The backs of your fingertips brush against his cheek, feeling the bristles of his beard and you go down further, continuing to shake your head sadly, moving back to your face to wipe your own tears.
โDid they put you in that cell? Take your stuff?โ
โOnly the first time I came there. And then the two other times I tried to escape. After that I was sent to sleep with the other girls.โ Your voice is quiet, โI donโt think it was the same for me like it was for you.โ
โDid he,โ he almost can't say it, โDid he hurt you?โ
You knew what he meant. All you could do was shake your head slowly, it was a gesture of no.
He nods, his mouth fixed. Some relief is finally released from that, but this doesnโt change anything. They still took you away, they probably put you in a cell, they donโt deserve mercy. He wants to tell you that you all are still going to kill Negan and how he still plans on killing Dwight, but he holds his tongue. This wasnโt what being with you was about right now. His mind races with plans, just thinking of how to get close to them, how to commit the final act, until you speak, reading is mind again.
โI-โ you stutter ashamedly, โI think- I know that my time in there has changed me and maybe I see things differently or know more than I used to butโฆ it doesnโt change that Iโm with you. I never let that go.โ You whimper, โIt just hurt when you didnโt say anything to me. Like you were disgusted by me.โ You canโt help the string of sobs that come out.
โNo,โ Daryl holds your face close to his. The bottom of his palm reaching your neck, his fingertips extending over your cheeks, his thumb caressing over the area under and behind your ears. โI fucked up. I was going to try to blow up a part of the Sanctuaryโฆ even before I knew you got outโฆ If you got hurt that would have been my fault. That would have been on me. Iโd never see you again- Wouldโve hated myself.โ His voice hitches, itโs rasp so coarse and grating.
You hug him instantly. Your hands go under his arms and one of his goes in your hair, holding your head so tightly as it presses into his shoulder. He cries, โIโm sorry.โ
โStopโ You breathe him in, โItโs okay.โ
โIt aint.โ
โIt doesnโt matter now.โ You wait a moment, telling him quietly into his neck, โI only want to be with you.โ
โAnd what if it goes bad? What if I hurt you again?โ
โWeโre going to hurt each other, Daryl. What matters is we try and we stay. Thatโs it.โ
He faces you now. His nose brushes against yours, your foreheads connect, it makes your eyes flutter shut. Your tears are drying the longer he holds you like that and everything feels so warm. Your heart, your brain, your cheeks and his fingertips against them. It makes you feel it again, that fearlessnessโ you kiss him. Gently touching his jaw, your chin moves upwards, your mouths opens, your lips twist so softly with his, you already canโt breathe, and then you let go.
As he looks at your face, he smiles, realizing heโs seeing the girl he used to know again. His sunshine girl with the stars in her eyes. Theyโre shining up, still half sad and glossy, but the bright lights are slowly coming back on. His dream is back. Sheโs real. Youโre real. Youโre trying, youโre staying, so will he.
He takes your neck and kisses you this time. His tongue slips in, youโre so surprised, you gasp into his mouth. It makes you both smile into the kiss. You come closer and he helps you into his lap, allowing you to lean in. His hands go to your waist and yours to his shoulders. Then one of his hands runs up to your hair and your opposite hand does the same to him. You want to touch each other everywhere now.
Then he feels the ribbon, the black one. It makes him stop.
Youโre worried, โWhat happened?โ
He holds the piece of hair that the ribbon is secured to, itโs only a little part, the rest of your hair is down, and he undoes the bow, discarding it to the ground. Your hair falls messily over your ears and down your neck. โYou donโt need that anymore.โ
Daryl pushes your hips and you sit on the floor again. Heโs reaching in his pocket, and you canโt believe it, itโs another one. A dark ruby, maybe a silky burgundy one it was in colorโ it was another ribbon.
โHow long have you had that?โ
โSince I found the other one.โ He shrugs, โI thought the first one was better.โ This one had fraying on one end, unraveling just a bit.
You would have said that you could sew it later, but you didnโt, you said only what mattered: โItโs perfect.โ
Daryl doesnโt argue. This is him trying, he takes the win.
He doesnโt know how to put it nicely in your hair, how you do it with the different styles, so he just wraps all of your hair in a ponytail, just like last time, tying it into a bow.
It feels like a gift, not just because he gave it to you and not because it looks like a decoration on top of one, but it is all of itโ this moment, the conversationโ it all feels like breathing new life into something you worried might be slowly withering and dying. You exhale, it felt so nice to feel him so close, to feel his fingers run through your hair, to feel his breath on your skin.
โThink maybe this suits you better now,โ he says, and maybe it always has.
He leans back against the wall and you lay your head and back in the crux of his knees and chest. You look up into his eyes and he does the same right down at you. There was more work to be done, more fighting to endure, but for now, you lay there as if you were the only two in the world. In a moment of sweet understanding; in a moment of love. You could finally admit it to yourself now, you were absolutely and monumentally in love.
โฆ I could go on forever โก perhaps this can be a mini-series where I post one when I think of another and you can feel free to request a trinket you think Daryl would give the reader and Iโll post it and respond or even write a blurb for it and add it to the list if itโs a good fit! Thank you for reading. โ๏ฝกยฐโฉ
#daryl dixon#daryl dixon x reader#daryl dixon fluff#daryl dixon imagine#daryl dixon x fem!reader#daryl dixon x female reader#the walking dead#the walking dead fluff#twd fanfiction#twd fluff#daryl dixon fanfiction#daryl dixon x you#daryl dixon x y/n#writellaโs sfw section
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if you're hoping for joe 2.0 to get his 'revenge' in the second half of the series...
warning: mild novel spoilers (but also not really because i'm just discussing things that have been shown in the trailer)
i really think you should either drop the series or give up the hopes of a satisfying makjang revenge storyline in my stand-in instead of setting yourself up for disappointment. because that simply isn't the story that my stand-in is trying to tell.
so what is my stand-in about really?
well, for me i think its a romance tragicomedy drama about an idiotic scum male lead losing the person he loves most because of his own arrogance and refusal to listen to his heart and the series of unfortunate events that happened consequently for our protagonist who was living a peaceful and quiet life as a stunt actor before the scum male lead entered his life.
joe 2.0 and his approach to life
i've mentioned it twice now that one of my favorite traits of joe/zhou xiang is that kindness in his strength where even if he can be choose to be mean or cruel, he simply doesn't because he has such a soft heart and he's weak to see others in pain (joe is my fellow enfp people pleaser okay) (โ ใฃโ หฬฉโ โญโ โฎโ หฬฉโ )โ ใฃ which is why even in his 2.0 life, you won't get to see joe turning 180 degree and going around to hurt everyone who's ever hurt him like it's some makjang kdrama.
and while that seems like it could be fun, i think the reason why i loved professional body double (my stand-in novel) so much in the first place is because that very distinction between joe and other rebirth/second chance at life protagonists that you often see in revenge kdramas/cdramas/thai lakorns.
logically, if my stand-in was a 24-episode one31 lakorn/thai soap opera, joe would be full of hatred and burning rage after his rebirth and started his intricated revenge plot while still falling in love with ming whom he should hate the most.
and yet he isn't (or at least it seems to me so far).
if you read the lyrics 'Die For You' - the opening ost of my stand-in, i think you can have a good guess of what the second half of the story will be like.
Even running away to death can't help. If my heart had chosen to stop at you I'll have to surrender with the confusion I feel. To come back to the same old place. Even if I have to die, disappear and then be reborn But the love is still buried deep inside, even if it's been shattered into pieces Even if my life ends, I can't stop my heart from calling out to you Because this whole body, life, spirit It is yours only, for all eternity.
and even from the trailer of my stand-in, you can tell that joe 2.0 has a lot of internal conflicting feelings about whether he could trust ming again after the betrayal he faced in his 1.0 life. and i feel like essentially the journey of ming proving to joe 2.0 that he really does love joe is very much the central plot in the second half part of the story.
so i'd like to take this part to note how well the series has done to adapt the novel so far. i think a good adapted change they've made is this early realization of feelings for ming in the joe 1.0 timeline. i do think the novel made him realized his feelings a little bit later but my stand-in did well to show within ep.3 what happiness could have looked like for joe 1.0 and ming and i think it rationalizes a bit more more for why joe 2.0 would still have feelings for ming 'buried deep inside' even when he's been badly hurt the first time around. and reading the story i've always found it interesting that they took this route to focus on the re-entangled complex relationship between mingjoe rather than going for a joe-centric revenge makjang plot (i swear if this was your typical thai lakorn, joe would seduce ming while planning to take down his whole family or something).
of course, that's not to dismiss that there's a lot of character growth for joe in the second half of the story, especially in his building of self-confidence, self-worth, the ability to put himself first and the fight for his own happiness above all. but like i've mentioned above, his growth journey is not at the expense of a drastic personality change in regards to the kind hearted joe we saw in his 1.0 life. instead, we get kind hearted joe 2.0 who quickly adapts to his new life and attempts to start anew while conflicted feelings resurface for him as he is pulled back into the relationships he once had.
all in all, my stand-in is still at the heart of it, a love story. perhaps, a dark romance as my friend @dragonsandphoenix would call it, but a romance nonetheless. i think that is what also makes professional body double such a compelling read too, because the progression in the feelings and complex emotions of these characters are so tightly written that it's convincing enough for me (maybe not for others though) to believe that yan ming xiu has/will always love zhou xiang (to the point ymx would probably eliminate anyone else who dared to steal zx from him). obsessive love? yes. do they both need therapy? probably. yet i still believe in their happy ending? of course.
final note/disclaimer: then again, this is just my PERSONAL opinions based on the novel and up til 3 episodes of my stand-in (which seems to be very faithful to the novel so far), who knows maybe they can anger novel fans and adapt it completely differently later on (something i sure hope they don't but we'll seeeee) ฦช(หโฃห)ส
#my stand in#my stand in the series#my stand-in#professional body double#my stand in novel spoilers#msi thoughts#poom phuripan#up poompat#claire opens up her goddamn mouth
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What are your thoughts on guardians vol.3? (If you have watched it) I went into it, expecting it went to the garbage like the rest of the mcu, but I was pleasantly surprised by its creativity, trope subversion, and how it wrapped up the previously unresolved arks of its characters.
That's what I've heard!
The thing is, Guardians 3 could be the most transcendent work of cinema ever made, and I'd probably still feel little to no motivation to watch it at this point. It's not Guardians's fault - it's just suffering from the same problem that superhero comics have been struggling with for decades: no matter how good an individual arc or run is, absolutely nothing good lasts or matters in the long term, and the stories are shaped in such a way that "the long term" is the only thing anyone gets to build towards.
Whenever I complain about the MCU I get a handful of people loudly complaining about my complaining, with the general thesis that if I don't like it I shouldn't watch it or talk about it - if I'm not having fun, just stop engaging with it. And the thing is, I have. I am intellectually interested in why this massive franchise is fumbling the bag so hard, which is why I still check in on it sometimes, but I've long since stopped turning to the MCU for uncritical entertainment. And even the good movies or shows with a lot of interesting ideas - good character arcs, fun concepts, interesting planting for future payoff - don't draw me in anymore, because they're hooked into a massive moneymaking machine that will scrap and squander anything if they think it'll make them more in the quarter. It doesn't matter how good the writing is, because the writers are not allowed to tell a complete, finished story, and they have no control over what happens to their characters outside of their own script.
Captain America's arc was set up from literally minute one to answer one burning question at the core of his character: does a world without a war still need Captain America? After that incredibly basic tee-up at the end of First Avenger, half a dozen movies failed to come up with a reason to say "yes," and now Steve is retired for good after getting fumbled through four different storylines that couldn't even pretend that they needed him (the unused Chekhov's Phone from the end of Civil War still haunts me). The foundational arc of his entire character never happened because nobody bothered to keep track of it past a single movie.
Taika did something interesting with Thor in Ragnarok - take away Mjolnir, force him to recognize what it means to be the god of thunder, give him a very Odin-y missing eye - and the very next movie undid all of it. Just kidding, never mind, here's an eye and a new weapon and also his old weapon again, and in one more movie we're even gonna give him his hair back, probably as an apology for all the completely unironic fatphobia we're gonna slather him in for two and a half hours. I'm not even surprised Love And Thunder was such an overblown mess that barely took itself seriously - why would Taika bother trying to give Thor another arc when the powers that be will just roll it back in six months anyway?
I hear Rocket Raccoon has a fantastic arc in this movie. That's great, and demonstrates that he's being written by a writer that deeply cares about him. But he's part of the MCU, and the MCU doesn't let anything end, so if current patterns hold, Rocket is going to continue to serve as quippy plushie-bait for the next dozen movies and none of that depth is going to come through in the long term. Hell, since they're making Kang noises for the Next Big Threat and Kang's entire gimmick is rewriting timelines, literally none of this is guaranteed to matter. By next year, it might not have even happened anymore.
The MCU has successfully shaped itself into a paradigm where the bright spots of good writing are overridden and lost as soon as the writers room turns over, and that makes it really hard for me to muster up the enthusiasm to watch even a really good movie that's locked into the exact same grist mill as everything else. I'm glad people liked it, I hope it gets to stay good this time - I just have no desire to watch it.
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Lucifer Morningstar x Reader Drabble - Proposal
**This is based on an idea I had for a Lucifer x OC storyline I was working on before, but I thought it'd be fun to convert it into a more general Lucifer x Reader drabble**
When it comes time for you two to be thinking about marriage, it's Lucifer who makes the first move, much to their future surprise. He plans out everything. A whole day is made out of it, with him leaving early in the morning to make sure he can prep everything ahead of time.
The next day comes around, and you wake up to an empty bed and a doodled-on note on your nightstand. It's clearly Lucifer's handwriting, and it apologizes for his absence but tells you to follow the clues on these notes to find him.
For the first clue, you're led to the bookstore you frequent with Lucifer that's known for acquiring books from Earth. The owner, Draznall, sees you and hands over a book filled with sticky notes.
You open the book and find that every sticky note is marked for the best parts of the story. Some are sweet, a couple funny, and a few are very spicy.
On the back cover is a note similar to the one left on their nightstand, this one telling you to pick a color before following the next hint. You keep one in mind before leaving, giving the shop owner a friendly wave goodbye on your way out.
The next couple of stops are to your favorite food places and trinket stores. When it gets to be too much to carry at once, as if waiting in the wings, one of Lucifer's clones appears and takes everything handed to it without a word before leaving through a portal.
The latest hint alludes to the next being the last before you get to see Lucifer. A grand boutique towered above you, and, when you stepped inside, an attendant immediately joined you, ushering you towards the back. Once you're escorted to what looks to be a fitting room, the attendant leaves, replaced by the boutique's head tailor. He gushes over you, saying you're "just as beautiful/handsome/lovely as the king said you'd be". Before you can ask any questions, he leads you into a changing room, saying you need to pick an outfit to wear for your dinner tonight.
Despite your confusion, you settle on something comfortable but fancy from the selection. When you step out, the tailor ushers you to a vanity with various accessories laid out that perfectly match your outfit.
After handing you the last note, he motioned you off, wishing you luck with the rest of your evening.
The note led you to the nicest restaurant in Pentagram City. "Tell them you have a reservation for Lucifer", the note said. So you did exactly that. The person behind the podium's eyes widened before they ran off to fetch the manager. The manager appeared and bowed, asking you to follow him to their reservation.
The space was dimly lit, candles placed on vacant tables lighting your way to the main attraction: a single round table with a bright candelabra at its center. Settled near the base of the candelabra were two rubber ducks. As you moved closer, you saw one was your identical duck counterpart while the other perfectly resembled Lucifer. But a shimmer caught your eye; a ring glittered at the chest of the Lucifer duck.
"Do you like it?"
Whipping around, you smiled as Lucifer walked into the light. He was dressed in a more ornate version of his usual suit, the only difference being the black swapped in place for the usual white.
"It's beautiful..."
"I'm glad you like it." He made his way to the table and tenderly picked up his duck look-alike, cradling it with both hands. Taking a deep breath, he turned back to you and dropped to one knee. "My dear... the time I've spent with you has made my eternity so much brighter. You were able to love me at my worst, willing to be patient with every whim and mistake I made. I hope I can manage to match your care and devotion... as your eternal partner."
Your eyes filled with tears at his heartfelt proposal. Falling to your knees, you wrapped your arms around him and held him tight, brushing your nose against the curve of his throat.
"Yes. A thousand times yes."
He sniffled beside you, and you felt him carefully set the duck aside so he could return your bone-crushing embrace. When you pulled back, you held out your hand for him to slip the ring onto. It fit like a glove, even somehow matching the outfit you'd picked.
Helping you to your feet, he led you to the table. A waiter came by and took your orders. You both chatted about the "adventure" he'd sent you on and what led to him deciding to propose.
Once dinner was done, he walked you back to the palace - he wanted some privacy to enjoy some time with his now-fiancee.
As you were walking, you said, "...Pink."
"Huh?"
"Your bookstore clue said to keep a color in mind for later. I pick Pink."
A bright golden blush quickly covered his face and neck. Pink was the scene between the heroine and their new partner, where they shared their first time after managing to defeat the man that had caused them so much misery. He had every word of that book memorized, and he'd made sure to remember what color sticky note was on which page/s.
He grinned despite himself. Pulling you closer, he leaned his head on your shoulder. "Pink it is."
#lucifer morningstar x reader#lucifer x reader#hazbin hotel x reader#lucifer morningstar#x reader#hazbin hotel
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sometimes I miss when Gregory was just a homeless kid
#i love ggy dont get me wrong#but i also wouldnt be that upset if they backtracked with that storyline#in the games and went down a different path#just because itll be way over a year at LEAST if they ever reveal it and its just.#now what#we spent all that time exploring everything that could come from it already๐ญ#idk i just miss gregory and want something new for him#ggy gets tired when its just vanny 2#if they did ggy i would want it to be super fresh and unique as another take on more mind control#i just want them to give us somethint for once and i dont have to make it up#pandas.txt#and making gregory and vanessa have very similar if not the same story takes away from vanny#it truly does#it sucks for her#and canon gregory i would want something different for anyway#i know that ive gone on and on so much about making it canon#but waiting has gotten old#at this point with no mention this late#id rather them just scrap it#it would be great fun as an au concept in the book universe but the games are different#that would be awesome to me#having 2 universes to play with
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heyy can you make an modernazriel x female reader based off the song kiwi by harry styles and maybe throw in some cardigan and champagne problems type storyline ? i love your work sm <33 although if you dont mind im begging you to make longer fic, you can do it as series too (if thats okay with u) byeee
Hard Liquor Mixed With A Bit Of Intellect (part 1)
Series masterlist misc masterlist
modern!Azriel x fem!reader
Warnings: Kissing, drinking, smoking (cigarettes)
A/n Hii lovely!! tysm for the request! I have been wanting to make a series for the longest time so this is a perfect opportunity to do so!! Here is part one, hope it lives up to your expectations!
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The music was blaring loud, and Azriel found himself losing count of how much drink he'd downed.
He'd been dragged to this club by Cassian who'd begged him to go out and stop being 'boring' like Rhys who had stopped partying with them ever since his Son Nyx was born last year.
And as per usual, Cassian had a tendency to rope Azriel into doing things against his will and better judgement.
Hence, Azriel found himself sitting at a bar shouting at the bartender over the incessant music to get him another drink.
Sighing, clutching his drink, he swung himself around to look for Cassian.
Unfortunately for Azriel, he was met with the sight of his best friend with a woman on each arm, his tongue down the right one's neck.
As if Cassian had been waiting for him to look, he sent Azriel a wink and yelled "Turn back around big boy." The women around him laughed and Azriel rolled his eyes but complied.
He slumped his head down on the bar silently telling himself to never agree to do anything with Cassian again, when a female voice interrupted his voice.
"Vodka diet coke please, thank you."
Azriel poked his head up to look at the woman. Her denim skirt and black leather jacket hugged her body in the perfect places.
"Are you alright?" She looked back at him as the bartender turned around and Azriel thought he was dreaming.
"Yeah, I- uh..." He replied still in a drunken daze.
The girl giggled slightly, dimples poking through her cheeks.
"Let me guess your friends roped you into coming here?" Her black eyeshadow perfect as she blinked up at the man
"Yeah, something like that." He smiled back at her "My friend, Cassian, he's that one over there."
He pointed to the booth in which Cassian and five other women now sat, one on his lap and two on either side.
The girl snorted and turned back to face Azriel.
"Looks like Cassian's having some fun." She spoke, sipping on her drink.
"Tell me about it." Azriel rolled his eyes dramatically at the girl.
"So what are you doing here Mr sit-in-the-shadows"
"As you suggested, I'm here against my will."
"Ah of course." The girl turned back to face the bar
"Well, you've told me all about Cassian, but nothing about you." She turned back to face him, looking inquisitively.
"Oh sorry, I'm Azriel," he replied.
"And how exactly did Cassian get your sorry ass here?" She looked at him with a smirk on her face, prompting him to speak more.
Azriel found himself wanting to speak more, the girl instantly putting him at ease.
"Me and Cass" he started "We're like a trio with this other guy Rhys, who Cassian and I usually go out with, but he got married and has a one-year-old son, and Cassian keeps saying he got boring or whatever So Cass has been itching to go out for ages so I guess I felt bad?" he finished looking back at the girl.
"Sorry, I never even asked your name."
She laughed.
"Y/n. My name is Y/n" she smiled at Azriel.
Y/n finished her drink and spoke once more "Do you want to go for a walk, its kind of stuffy in here, if you want to stay with Cassian its fi-"
"No, no I'm sure he'll be fine." Azriel cut in, grabbing the girl's hand and moving outside the nightclub.
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"Cigarette?" she offered, whipping a pack out of the pocket of her leather jacket.
"Yeah, sure thanks" Azriel replied looking down at her.
Y/n couldn't deny his beauty. But beautiful in a way in which Cassian was not. Where Cassian was Rugged, Azriel seemed softer. Almost Angelic, Y/n thought as she sucked on her cigarette.
"So what brought a pretty thing like you here Y/n?" Azriel prodded, taking a puff.
"I came with some friends from college, a guy and a girl, but they ended up making out and... going home." she spoke with a careless shrug.
"You're in college?" Azriel responded, to which the girl nodded.
"Astrophysics."
"Oh, so you're smart, smart." He stated smirking at her.
"Eh, I guess you could say that." She smiled back.
They walked for a few minutes more when Azriel voiced "I should probably get back and check on Cass"
"you're right, I need to get home too."
"You wanna walk back with me?" Azriel questioned silently hoping she would.
"Oh no, I literally live down this street, get back to your friend, Azriel." Y/n pointed, signalling to a row of apartment buildings.
She began walking away when she heard his voice once more " Wait, Y/n!"
"Yeah?" she turned around her hair swinging past her shoulders.
"Let me get your number"
She smiled handing him her phone to put it in.
"I really want to kiss you right now." he told her as she gave his phone back.
she giggled, the sound giving his heart wings.
Y/n leaned in as Azriel lifted his hand to her cheek attaching their lips, their tongues fighting for dominance.
As they moved away, a string of spit still connecting their puffy lips, Azriel smiled at her.
"Text me."
And that was the first of many rendezvous between the pair.
A/N: Thank you for this request! I'm not sure how many parts this will have but I'm going to incorporate the folklore love triangle and champagne problems as requested!!
#hanwrites!#siriuslystyle1989#acotar#a court of thorns and roses#acosf#acotar fanart#acofas#acotar series#azriel shadowsinger#azriel#azriel acotar#azriel spymaster#acotar fanfic#azriel x reader#azriel fluff#azriel smut#cassian x reader#rhysand x reader#feysand#eris vanserra#lucien vanserra#elain x lucien#lucien acotar#acotar memes#acotar art#jurian acotar#maasverse#sarah j maas
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Hey! This is purely me and my morbid curiosity asking, but you mentioned you buy in to the pregnancy stone oops baby Gon origin story more than an actual mother. Can you elaborate, even if it falls with what others may have already brought up? I'd love to get your take! (also, I sent a review of your chapter 4 hxhbb fic, but I think it might've been eaten!)
Hi!
So, I do buy into it, somewhat! I think, for the time being, it's the best theory we have on Gon's parentage. There are a few interesting details related to it.
First off, Togashi included this woman with Ging in some of his early HxH concept drawings, from November 1997:
People have speculated that the woman next to Ging might be Gon's mother, however there isn't actually conclusive evidence of this--it's just a theory. It could also be an early design concept for Mito, Menchi, or one of the other female characters from the series, as the drawing isn't labeled with a name or description like some of the others. Or, she could be a scrapped concept even if she was intended at the time to be Gon's mother, as clearly this isn't finalized in any way.
You can read about this drawing a bit more here!
However, of course within the series itself we have no info on who Gon's mother might be, and Togashi did bother to include the Pregnancy Stone card:
Now, an interesting connection with this is that Togashi is known to have read the BL manga Patalliro!, as he based Hiei's hair off one of the characters, Scunky:
(From a doujinshi Togashi released, Yoshirin de Pon!)
There is also an unconfirmed but very reasonable theory that Killua may have been based in part of the character Maraich from Patalliro!, as the basis of both characters is similar and we know for a fact from the above image Togashi has read Patalliro!.
Now, how does this connect to the Pregnancy Stone theory? Well, Patalliro! also has mpreg as part of its storyline (with biologically male Maraich getting pregnant twice through unexplained means, with one of these pregnancies leading to a son), and considering Togashi may have used other elements from Patalliro! as inspiration... You can see where I'm going with this. I do think it's interesting he put the Pregnancy Stone card in the series to begin with, and there's also the Panda Maid card ("excellent at taking care of human children"), and Ging has used a panda plush as a substitute for himself in the Election arc. Coincidence? Hmmm...
Image taken from this post, explaining more about the Pregnancy Stone theory.
My personal feelings now that I've laid all this info out are basically... I've talked a lot about how intentional Togashi's storytelling is and how much attention he pays to things, so I think he planted this knowing people would consider it a possibility, at the very least. We don't have any other theories about Gon's mom that have this much to go off of. It's possible he will reveal more info eventually and either make this more likely or explain Gon's origin in some other, totally different way, but for now I think this is compelling--there are enough pieces that it is a legitimate possibility.
I'm not someone who is interested in mpreg (or any kind of preg, for that matter, LOL), so I don't spend a lot of time thinking about this whole situation or the mechanics behind it, but I do think it would be pretty hilarious if this does canonically end up being Gon's origin story after all. Just such a wild way for Gon to come into existence. It'll be interesting to see if we ever get answers with regards to who/where Gon came from, whether it's by Pregnancy Stone or not.
It's a fun topic because it seems so goofy and farfetched initially, but the more you look at it, the more it's like, "Actually..." ๐ค
(And thanks again for the review, my apologies that it took me a while to reply!)
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Go and watch star trek prodigy on Netflix right now I'm not even remotely kidding it's the best thing I've ever seen & I am definitely unbiased and unswayed by my love of hologram Janeway I am so normal about her
Haha come closer
closer
LOOK AT HER
It's got cameos:
It's got storylines up the wazoo: *
*(While still maintaining its fun romps and one-off adventures)
The best episode of star trek I have ever seen:
(Galaxy Quest fans, you are hereby summoned to turn on Prodigy S1E13)
She's got a caffeine addiction so strong it's a part of her base coding:
The animation is so pretty and the lighting is stellar. If you have ever complained about new trek being dimly lit you owe it to yourself to watch this show immediately
#star trek prodigy#star trek prodigy propaganda#I'm only halfway through but I was invested by the end of episode one#star trek#GIFs#ID in alt
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I was asked so! Here are my silly lil prompts for my personal month challenge thing!!!
NOTE: This is not a official thing or what have you, I was just asked to share the prompts for my lil self challenge, so I am! This is my own personal little challenge because I've had these prompts since 2019 and I want to use them
I'll put under a readmore because it is... like. 30 things lmao
Day 1: First Askblog OC The first blog OC you made! Day 2: Most recent askblog OC Can be a side or main character, just the most recent OC you've made for a blog! Day 3: The Modsona Draw your modsona! Self love n all that Day 4: Redraw a silly/funny askblog panel Find a old silly/funny or shitpost panel from one of your blogs and redraw it! Day 5: Evolution scene Draw your OC evolving! Can be past event, future event or something that already happened for a silly redraw! Day 6: Blog Swap Draw one of your blog OCs as a character on one of your other blogs! If don't have more than one blog, switch up their role with someone else on your current blog! Day 7: Favoritism wins Draw your absolute favorite OC from your blog! Indulge a little Day 8: "Nothing bad happens" What would your OC look like if their plot had nothing bad happen Day 9: Redraw a sad panel Redraw a old sad panel! Last prompt was too cheery, redraw that angst with your updated abilities! Day 10: Favorite Magic Anon Blast from the past, relive that glorious magic anon Day 11: Easiest OC to draw Draw that easy fellow, relax a little! Day 12: Difficult OC to draw Back on that grind, draw that one guy who is the absolute most difficult for you!! Day 13: Redraw your least favorite panel We all have that one panel that just, didn't come out right. Try again! Maybe it'll be nice to see your improvement.. or maybe you'll hate it again. Anyways, chop chop Day 14: Injury Draw that dramatic/important injury your character went through. Past, present or future! Day 15: Beach episode What it says on the tin, we love a filler episode. Can be plot relevant but hey, they deserve to relax too Day 16: Favorite blog Draw some fan art for your favorite blogger! Whether they are a friend, inspiration or what have you! Extra challenge: redraw some old fan art you did for them Day 17: Plot Changer That one moment... the thing that made everything twist. That really hit a hard turn in your storyline! Can be past, present or possible future! Day 18: Scrapped Idea What was that scrapped concept again? Or was it a character.. or even something as silly as a slight design change? Day 19: What's a God to a Blogger Most of us have that one god. That one important guy in the sky... or the ocean.. or under a truck... man pokemon is weird. Day 20: Canon Compliant Stylization is so interesting and unique!... but strip that away. Be close to pokemon canon. Day 21: Shiny Beam A easy one... make that little guy shiny!!... Oh they are already shiny?... well then undo that. Silly. Day 22: Dream interaction What's a interaction with your characters that you would really love to see or are excited for? Can be within your own storyline or a interaction with someone else Day 23: Real World Sighting Draw your OC(s) in a real life photo! Bonus points if its a photo you took. Take this chance to go for a nice walk and take some pretty pictures!.... touch grass. Day 24: A spoiler that.. wouldn't make sense to others That's right. Be vague. Spoil a little bit in the most vague manner. It's always fun to see others speculate. Day 25: In blog ship Draw your favorite ship within your own blog! Friendship/romantic ship/hate ship... Just whatever one makes you smile Day 26: Out of blog ship Same prompt as 25.. But with your OC and someone ELSE'S! again, friendship/romantic ship/etc etc! Day 27: Different Art Medium! That's right. Draw/sculpt/etc your OC in a different art medium than normal. This will either be fun or horrifying for you Day 28: The Inspiration VS the OC Draw your OC with their inspiration! Can be the storyline that inspired them... or the character that desired them! Etc etc Day 29: Song drawing Yeah that's right. Draw your OC/Blog with the song that you associate them with! As a treat Day 30: Redraw first blog post / Thank you Cliche ending alert!! Redraw your first ever askblog panel you have ever made. Not the first post on a more recent blog.. no. THE FIRST ONE. EVER. Or be corny and draw a heartfelt thank you to all of your friends and followers you made Or hell.. maybe even both
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As someone who isn't the biggest Hermione fan and keeps it quiet because greater fandom LOVES her, I'm honestly gagging for more of your Hermione takes. Especially your takes on fanon Hermione, who I can't STAND. Have a good one x
thank you very much, anon - there are dozens of us!
hermione is certainly the character i struggle to find common ground with the most - and this has been the case since i first read philosopher's stone as a child.
[which has actually been a really fascinating pop-culture experience - i think we tend to overlook, both because the media landscape and its representation of child and teen girls has changed since the 1990s and because of jkr's increasingly harmful views on gender, just how groundbreaking hermione was as a female protagonist in media which wasn't marketed primarily or exclusively towards girls. there is a reason why so many girls and women identified with her when the books were coming out - and it was very interesting for me growing up to not be one of them.]
the cause of my beef with hermione is for the incredibly petty reason that i find people who possess many of her more... striking traits quite difficult to deal with in real life, particularly if they don't acknowledge [which people in the hermione vein often don't...] that these traits are things it might benefit them to work on in their interpersonal relationships...
but this doesn't prevent me recognising that canon!hermione [and any real person like her] is interesting - and that her more annoying traits work well with her more straightforwardly admirable ones to create a fully-rounded character who, from a fanfiction perspective, is a great vehicle for all sorts of tropes, themes, and storylines.
which brings us - of course - to fanon!hermione...
fanon!hermione is, at her core, another brick in the wall of mary-sues. she's beautiful, and so clever she can solve millennia-old puzzles without batting an eyelid, and she's preternaturally emotionally intelligent, and she's morally spotless, and she's always right, and the story's preferred romantic partner worships the ground she walks on, and anyone who doesn't like her is punished.
i don't think - to be clear - that there is anything wrong, per se, with people wanting to write fanon!hermione [nor, to be frank, with other flawless fanon versions of female characters, oc mary-sues, or self-indulgent self-inserts - i'll defend the right to have fun with characters to the death]. this is a hobby, and people's way of engaging with that hobby doesn't have to appeal to me - it's fun escapism sometimes to write a character who is wonderful and perfect and beloved and has a sexy partner; and when it comes to accusations of writing someone "out-of-character", let she who is without sin cast the first stone...
but i also think - and [sigh] here comes some discourse - that fanon!hermione is part of a slight... girlbossification of female characters in the harry potter fandom [and presumably in others, i just don't follow closely enough to know] which i've always been a little uneasy about.
i understand why this happens - this fandom, like many, has an overwhelming preference for making blorbos of male characters and for imagining these characters in slash relationships. the treatment of female characters in slash subfandoms - i.e. tonks in wolfstar spaces; lily in jegulus spaces - is often straightforwardly misogynistic, and even in cases where it isn't, female characters are often shuffled quietly to the sidelines, except when they pop up - often suddenly in a queer pairing of their own - to benignly cheerlead the male couple.
and i think it's good that this is challenged - as i also think it's good that the heteronormative vibes of a lot of slash are challenged - and that we, as a fandom, are increasingly interested in female-centric works [whether focused on a romantic pairing or otherwise] and discussions. i hope these continue to take up fandom space.
but i have also noticed that the way female characters are written and talked about in these context is - as i've said - quite #girlboss in its approach. the focus is on women as clever and competent and feisty and unruffled and brave.
[including female villains, there are a lot of girlboss bellatrixes knocking around...]
and great! it should be! - but from what i've seen this also comes accompanied by a resistance to the idea that women can also be boring, unintelligent, self-infantilising, vain, arrogant, ignorant, talentless, meek, domestic, rude, dislikable, conservative, incurious, complicit in their own victimisation, plain wrong, and so on, and not only still be worthy of exploration, but be worthy of these characteristics not being automatically considered bad things for someone to possess and it not being seen as letting down the sisterhood to explore a woman who possesses them.
and, sure, hermione cannot be described as many of these things - but she is...
self-righteous; cruel; petty; from a privileged class background in the muggle world which blinkers her understanding of the class structure of the wizarding one; stubborn; terrible under pressure; shown by the text to be intelligent largely due to an ability to rote learn; a people-pleaser with a tendency towards a slightly hagrid-ish blind loyalty; extremely deferential to authority and willing to tolerate cruel treatment from authority figures [i.e. snape]; the most childlike of the trio [she takes her schoolbooks on the run and reads through them for comfort! she's an enormous animal lover!]; interested in one of form of stereotypical femininity [knitting! wearing pretty dresses!] even if she rejects the form of stereotypical femininity liked by e.g. parvati and lavender [and anyone who thinks she's not going to get along with her mother-in-law because molly's a housewife is dead wrong - she's having the time of her life helping put together a sunday lunch at the burrow]; possessed of a filthy sense of humour [i will never understand why emma watson said that the key to playing her was to be prim...]; someone who obviously wants to be liked and to be loved; and so on...
[and also, by the end of the pre-epilogue narrative, eighteen. she's often written in fics in a way which makes her sound like she's seen a lot of life - especially if the fic wants to claim she's "too mature" to bother with men her own age... but she hasn't - she's a teenager, and the reason she's so unpolished and abrasive is because literally all teenagers are unpolished and abrasive. it's just one of the mortifying agonies of growing up.]
we should love this. it makes her thorny and messy and mixed-up and human - and i am perfectly delighted by explorations of her character which delve into unravelling this tangle.
i just like her less as someone who is there to be right and beloved and uncriticised.
unless it's by ron. everyone should be uncomplicatedly adored by their wife guy.
#asks answered#in defence of...#hermione granger#annoying canon version only#we love unlikeable women in this house#reject the girlboss paradigm
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