#i love being trans i love trans people i love everyone mwah
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Nice to be able to look in the mirror and think. That's me! :). Never dared to hope I'd ever really get to this point, or at least not this quickly
#3rd year of T anniversary coming up next week#bc of the whole. health thing. ive not been able to take care of myself physically#my pathy facial hair is actually very very nice now that its grown#patchy*#never hated it!!! usually just shave it quickly bc of the euphoria of shaving#but now i look in the mirror and its like woah!!! thats me!!#that looks pretty complete!!!#happy thoughts through the bleh times :) <3#honeydew talks#also every single day since ive had top surgery ive not stopped being grateful#i love being trans i love trans people i love everyone mwah
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patrick looks for a hookup n realizes the girl he's gonna sleep with is trans and ofc he's the bottom!
anon i love you for this one! thank you sm for this ask mwah i’m kissing your brain rn <33
[nsfw below the cut, minors dni!]
in my head patrick’s looking for a place to stay again. doesn’t matter with who, he just wants a warm bed. it’s been too many nights of sleeping in his car, & he has a tournament the next afternoon & wants to get a good night’s sleep for once.
so he’s just scrolling on tinder or whatever, his settings set to everyone (as we know), & he’s swiping right on every person that appears on his screen, too fast to really read anyone’s bio. when he gets a match, he simply shoots her a message, & within minutes he has a place & time to meet her.
the date goes well, better than most usually do, & as the evening comes to a close patrick finds himself actually looking forward to having sex with her. it’s been a while since he’s felt like that; usually he sleeps with people out of necessity, but when he kisses her, he’s eager & excited. patrick is also delighted (& a little smug) to find that she is, too.
he walks her home & she invites him in, & as their kisses grow more heated, she mumbles something against his lips that patrick doesn’t quite catch. “hmm?” he inquires, trying to act like he was paying attention to anything other than her lips on his. she pulls away from him long enough to tell him that she’s trans. there’s no shyness emanating from her, just a matter of fact statement. “you know that, right?” she adds.
patrick is silent for a couple of moments longer than he meant to be, purely out of surprise, but he notices her face start to fall & immediately springs into action. “y- yeah, yeah, of course.” he replies, cringing internally at the lack of confidence in his voice. “no big deal.” patrick finishes, shrugging a shoulder as he speaks.
she smiles at him & patrick pulls her back into his arms. “you feel comfortable fucking me?” he mumbles against her lips. she giggles & nods enthusiastically, & that’s more than enough for patrick!
she fucks him that night & they both love it, patrick getting so vocal with her, telling her she’s a good girl & “you’re fucking me so good, baby.” & “you feel so good inside me, fuck!”. she degrades him exactly how he wants, telling him he’s being gross & messy bc he’s dripping precum all over the bed. he cums when she tells him he gets wet like a girl! 😁😁😁
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Round 1 of preliminaries, group 14
The first two places get a place on the bracket
Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket
Propaganda under the cut
Oz Vessalius (Pandora Hearts)
"Struggles with self-worth, adores books, ADHD (though that’s not canon—but he fits the diagnostic criteria), his strongest/most important relationships are platonic"
Sound (My School President)
"Lonely gay teenager who tries to be cool and sauve but gets adopted against his will by a group of losers and then falls for one of the losers who gets on his nerves a lot because he was nice to him once and then he gets all awkward and flustered around the boy and tries to avoid him and antagonize him but the boy sees through it and they eventually end up together and he becomes the most annoying person in love ever"
Luz Noceda (The Owl House)
"adhd. possibly some autism too. a weird girl who got outcasted by being herself and sure has some WACK coping mechanisms to deal with it. self worth is IN THE DRAIN. gnc and not straight. writes fanfic. artist. goes through a depression era when at her moms house. loves her mom also. this is canon stuff i'm saying"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA she is so ASDHSUJD. Okay I started watching the owl house because I knew there was a WLW couple, so obviously I had to check it out. But upon watching the show, I got so emotionally connected to it, or moreso the protagonist, Luz, that it could go beyond some people's understandings... I remember that almost any scene showing her neurodivergent traits would hit SO. CLOSE. HOME. It would be unbelievable. I literally rewatched the show more than seventeen times one summer. She is just so goshdarn relatable man. She's the weird kid, has no friends, loves making anime edits, is OBSESSED with a book series, loves witches and magic and stuff, has ADHD, an attention span that is so high when she's engaging with something she likes doing and so low when she's bored. She's just so lovely. I know a lot of people found her annoying in season one but she hit close home to me. Season two was amazing as well and she started getting even MORE relatable!! She started showing her people pleasing, how much she blames herself, it was so sad but I was glad to see a character I could relate to so much on screen. I mean i personally didn't experience the loss of my father and I personally do have one friend whom I'm able to share my life with, but she's still super relatable. She can be so silly and so cool. And her impulsivity and the way she realized she doesn't know what she wants to do when she grows up also hit close home. Mwah"
Gundham Tanaka (Super Danganronpa 2)
"Goth autistic theater kid"
Saiki Kusuo (Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan/The Disastrous Life of Saiki K)
"He's very dead inside, especially in the English Dub, and introverted. But even so, he cares a lot for his friends, even if he never says it to them and he finds them annoying most of the times. He also be nosey and just insert himself into others' situations that don't involve him (obviously, he makes it so that nobody knows he's there and, obviously, he's also complaining about this all the time). He's canonically aroace, or at least aroace spec He's canonically trans. He was born as a girl but he didn't like it so he immediately turned himself into a boy with his psychic powers. An argument could be made about him being on the autism spectrum."
Drew (The Music Freaks)
"I don't like him actually I hate him and love him st the same time in fact but. This man is so real and such a horrible jerkwad to everyone around him. I mean I can't relate to THAT but I should mention he also gets jelous easily, he is in love with his best friend who does not like him back, he's all moody and grouchy and bratty. And so am I and I hate it lol."
#preliminaries#tumblr polls#tumblr tournament#character bracket#character tournament#oz vessalius#pandora hearts#my school president#sound my school president#luz noceda#the owl house#gundham tanaka#super danganronpa 2#danganronpa#saiki k#saiki kusuo#saiki kusou no psi nan#the music freaks#the music freaks drew
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Round 3: Match 15
Vash the Stampede (Trigun 98/Trigun Maximum) vs. Ranma Saotome (Ranma ½)
Vash the Stampede
- VASH THE STAMPEDE MY BESTFRIEND VASH THE STAMPEDE :] If I actually enumerated everything that makes me insane about him we’d be here for hours so I will simply say: extremely strong contender for Most tortured sillyguy I’ve ever laid eyes on and he just means So Much to me♡ Best red/black aesthetics are in trigun maximum imo but all versions of him are wonderful thank you for the consideration mwah - Vash is a weird alien plant thing that helps people vigilante style, but he kinda sucks at it so ended being labeled as a major criminal instead, also he has a twin brother who wants to annihilate the human race and vash tries really hard to stop him because he love humans
Ranma Saotome
- ranma saotome is the OG trans swag anime/manga protagonist. thanks to a cursed spring, cold water turns him into a girl and hot water turns him back to a boy. he starts out hating this change but only makes half hearted attempts to reverse the curse, and eventually becomes quite comfortable with his female half, acknowledging it was always a part of him. he’s a martial artist, he’s a stupid teenager, he’s rude and prideful but he can also be really sweet and thoughtful, literally everyone is either in love with at least one version of him or they want to kill him, sometimes both. his signature red chinese style outfits and his black hair, dark pants and other black accessories already make him a perfect fit for this tournament, but the real kicker is that in the anime, his hair even changes from black to red when he turns into a girl. although a good chunk of the source material didn’t age well, he means a lot to many trans people who watched/read ranma ½ at a young age, including myself. anyway if this was a martial arts tournament he would win <3
mod notes: hello to my mutuals who submitted each of the contestants here. it's come to this...
#vash the stampede#vash#trigun#ranma 1/2#ranma#ranma saotome#trigun 98#trigun maximum#round 3#redblack tournament
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As a transman who isn't on T or had any procedures done.
So, I like to project stuff onto Demo so he isnt on T or anything and he's been growing out his beard and stuff. I know it doesn't seem possible but it's nice to see a character you relate to a lot be more like you
YESSS I rlly love stuff like this tbh... Demo is like the character I like making pre-/non-op the most (although there are plenty other characters I like depicting as non-op), especially in like shippy contexts where the viewer/reader is supposed to see him as attractive. I think a variety of trans bodies in all "stages" or types of transition (as being pre or non-hrt or pre or non-op aren't "steps" to eventually getting those things, not everyone wants them) are really important to represent. I loveeeee when people make characters really "visibly trans" in their fanart n stuff, especially characters like Demo who I feel kinda gets the short end of the stick when it comes to trans hcs I wonder why :/ but YES trans Demo I love you always and forever mwah mwah mwah
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Everyone Saw it coming if they are on my blog but
Kiyotaka Ishimaru for the ask game plsssss !
Ask game Here
Sexuality Headcanon:
Now, see, starting off with a kinda hard one... Taka's an interesting bean in what I calculate his sexuality to be. Most people assume Gay since... ya know. And while I don't think that's necessarily a bad take, its the popular take. And I am one who tends to shy away from popular takes. (I am also one to vehemently project onto the characters I love). Hence, I HC Taka as Demiromantic! (and demisexual to an extent...)
Forms strong emotional bonds with people close to him? Check. Only ever seems to fall romantically for those he is extremely close with??? DOuble check babeyyy!
Gender Headcanon:
Aaaand now its simple. Taka's a male. Cut and dry. Rather fondly a guy, I must say. He strikes me as the kinda guy who would be so excited to share with you that he uses he/him pronouns! He probably did some soul searching when he first learned of transitioning and other gender orientations only to find he was rather comfortable and happy where he was. (you know he spent hours studying to learn all he could) and would be all for helping others explore their gender too!
I know a lot of people hc him and mondo both as trans, but personally I think hes just very proud of his manliness.
A ship I have with said character:
I couullddd go the easy route and say Ishimondo... But you all already know that. Instead I'm going to go with a more... scandalous... ship.
Its KiyoKiyo. Korekiyo and Kiyotaka. Its my guilty pleasure ship.
Now, granted, I imagine this as a Korekiyo who has shaken himself of his 'sister's' grasp and is "normal" (Ie LOTS of therapy), so its more like the shy introvert getting dragged along by the loud golden retriever boy but I digress. Its sweet to me. Tall lanky and smol but strong.
(And YES this originated from Danganronpa Redemption FIGHT ME---)
A BROTP I have with said character:
Once again I could go with an obvious, that being Chihiro or Hina, but you ALREADY know this and I GO AGAINST THE ORDINARY!!!
I think Sayaka and Taka would be great friends :3
Hardworking, burnout-having besties who have to be told numerous times to slow down and take a break by their chiller, sweet yet partially annoying boyfriends.
A NOTP I have with said character:
There are so many... who do I begin with... Genuinely who do I begin with. Alr I hardly see this one in the wild but Kokichi and Kiyotaka I despise. Either that's just because I hate kokichi but-- BESIDES THE POINT. Hiro and Taka is another one I don't particularly like.
I get where it comes from, the few times they interract in the canon could be seen as brotherly (I GUESS) from Hiro's standpoint but-- Idk it just kinda rubs me the wrong way. Hiro's character in general does that...
A Random Headcanon:
Taka enjoys, and is really good at boxing. (Or wrestling) Like how some stories I've read put him on the football (soccer for us americans) team (or rugby ig idk.) I have a (self-inflicted) HC that Taka has slight anger issues hes still recovering from as a child and ABSOLUTELY uses the environment of controlled violence as a way to work off pent up steam. Any sport could do that really, but the inherent homoeroticism of wrestling is just *mwah* too good to pass up.
I know people like to HC he's into some kind of martial arts lessons for the same kind of vibe, and the art of him and Peko, but I find the inante physicality of using yer fists and body as a much more... *Taka Centric* activity. Idk.
Its the same reason he really enjoys thrill rides like rollercoasters and horror movies (if he can stand to not postulate the entire plot the whole time, ruining climactic moments and making people shush him.)
General Opinions:
HE GOT FUCKING ROBBED IN CANON MY BOY---
anyway feel free to ask me about more characters!!! This was fun :3
#longsheepanswers#kiyotaka ishimaru#danganronpa#danganronpa trigger happy havoc#ishimondo#kiyokiyo#ask game
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also happy trans day of visibility chat
friendly reminder that easter is on a different day every year and march 31st has been tdov since 2009! two things can exist at once
to allied christians and catholics, i hope you have a wonderful easter, you guys are great & you guys are valued by our community mwah mwah /p
to trans christians and catholics, i love you and i hope you have access to a group of people who are lovely enough to share your identity with. for trans youth who might not have that, find community through other mediums for now as i'm sure you're doing. it's hard but it'll get better, protect yourself <2
reminder that the people and lawmakers who use christianity and catholicism to persecute are using religion as a mask to harm others under bigoted beliefs they have always had, regardless of their religious beliefs. even if they do genuinely believe that their religion encourages the hatred of minorities, they're reading into their scriptures in a way that warps their meaning entirely. it's a shame that some of the evillest people in the country are using religion as an excuse to legalise and promote the systematic murder and ostracisation of trans folk for political gain. of course this harms the lgbtqia+ community and other intersectional minority groups most directly, it does also affect honest christians/catholics and their relationship with our community
also happy easter to all the other ppl that celebrate easter ig /lh
Anyways all that being said Happy Trans Day of Visibility !! i thought i'd just take this time to talk about this because i saw a lot of christians/catholics claiming we stole their day or whatever and i'm sure a lot of other people saw that as well, so i wanted to just remind everyone that those are just the bad of the bunch !!
everyone stay safe and have a happy trans day ilyyy 🫰🫰
#trans#transgender#trans day of visibility#i'm atheist and have very little exposure to the bible so i'm sure somebody could have said this way better than i#but uhm#it's the effort !
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Can you do Fatgum, kirishima, or Tamaki?
This is like Half the Fatfam so I'll do you one better and do the whole Fatfam because I love them and leaving any of them out feels weird kfdjgkfdg
Ask from Here
Taishiro Toyomitsu
Sexuality Headcanon: Pansexual
Gender Headcanon: I see Taishiro as a Cis man, but I've seen very cool Trans Taishiro takes as well, so I'm between the two usually. He/Him
A ship I have with said character: Me?? Me self ship with Taishiro my beloved?? Oh but also Kendo Rappa I love that guy. He's Taishi's creepy gross stalker and I think they're funny together
A BROTP I have with said character: His interactions with Monika in Vigilantes will never not be hilarious to me. She's so not funny and he's so mean and they're hysterical together and I love them
A random headcanon: Taishiro's entire wardrobe is hoodies. He sleeps in a hoodie, his casual wear his hoodies, he's got a nice date hoodie. It's his comfort outfit and he refuses to change.
General Opinion over said character: I love this man. He is my husband, I mwah mwah mwah him face. Top tier fat rep, Horikoshi's best character by a mile.
everyone else under the cut so the post doesn't get too long
Tamaki Amajiki
Sexuality: Gay
Gender: Like Taishiro I see him as Cis usually but I've seen sooo many good Transgender headcanons as well that I'm kind of in the middle about it. He/She
OTP: MiriTama is SO cute!!! Top tier!!! My Hero really has the best Blond/Dark Hair ships out there.
BROTP: I really like his relationship with Neijire, being in the same class I feel like she just kinda bugged him until they were friends. Lesbian/Gay Hostility. They bicker like siblings.
Random Headcanon: It's Tamaki's fault we keep getting interns at the Fatgum agency. He hears someone struggling and thinks "Fat could help them" and brings them home like a kid bringing home a kitten. He's a bleeding heart, just like his father.
Overall Opinion: I LOVE Tamaki like a LOT. My favorite part about him, and all the 3rd year students we meet, is he's already gone through his entire character arc. He, Mirio, and Neijire worked to overcome challenges, faced problems, had training arcs and everything long before we met them. They're main characters post their own plot and I LOVE that kind of story telling.
Eijiro Kirishima
Sexuality: ALSO Gay
Gender: Transgender, He/Him
OTP: KiriBaku my BELOVED, my boyfriend Zayne was really into this one when he was into My Hero so I kinda got pulled into it first. I do really like them. Hot Headed VS Bull Headed.
BROTP: Mina for sure!! Gay/Bi Solidarity. She was his gay awakening in that he thought he liked her Romantically until he realized he didn't like girls at all. They have self care sleepovers where they do facials and paint eachother nails and gossip for sure
Random Headcanon: Kirishima has a real soft spot for Shojo Manga, and prefers it over action packed Shounen. The only people who know this are the rest of the Fatfam, Mina, and Bakugo.
Overall Opinion: I'm gonna keep saying I love these characters and it's true I loooove Eijiro sooo much. He's so head strong but with a huge heart he cares and worries SO much and he's also always down to clown commit to the bit ride or die kinda guy. I love him.
Tetsutestu Tetsutetsu
Sexuality: Bi? Pan? Omni?? Poly??? I don't think he really knows the exact label fits him best. Everyone in class B would say he's Bisexual, but he himself would answer the question with a "I dunno, boys are cute, girls are cute, what's it matter?"
Gender: ALSO Transgender, He/Him
OTP: I really like him with Kendo, their dynamic is incredibly cute and funny. A lot of "That's MY WIFE!!!!! :D" Energy and I love that for him. He's her biggest cheerleader.
BROTP: He and Eiji as constantly butting head twins who are too similar for their own good is incredibly funny to me and I do love that dynamic. I also love him with Neito Monoma as the bite to his bark kind of dynamic. He doesn't do it on purpose, he just loves hyping people up and isn't really hearing the nonsense Monoma is saying.
Random Headcanon: Tetsu really needs glasses, like really needs glasses, and just doesn't know it. He thinks everybody sees like this and just hasn't questioned it.
General Opinion: My Hero Academia Dumb Guy is a very particular gender and I adore it. Well, I call Tetsu dumb but he can't be that dumb to be in UA, it's a top school after all. He's just impulsive and hard headed and reckless, not necessarily stupid. I love him, boy son son boy
Momo Yaoyorozu
Sexuality: I'm in camp AroAce Momo, but I can also be on team Ace/Lesbian Momo. Back and forth on that one a lot.
Gender: Cis gender, She/Her
OTP: Sense I think she's Aro I don't have a lot of Momo ships off the top of my head, but I think she and Jiro are cute. The ideal Big Fem Little Butch Lesbian/Bi ship. If anything Jiro for sure has a crush on her.
BROTP: I really like the headcanon that she, Iida, and Todoroki are all childhood friends who attended a lot of the same Pro Hero/High class parties and hung out together during them.
Random Headcanon: Momo's parents don't support her choice to do Hero work, and are constantly threatening to pull her out of UA if the hero training gets in the way of her grades. She has an uncle who's a Pro Hero, which is how she got the recommendation to UA in the first place, he's also the one who signed all her paperwork and showed up for Parent's Day.
Overall Opinion: Momo is what made me realize I shouldn't focus too hard on the costuming of My Hero Academia fjkghjdfg her hero suit makes me sad. I think she's a very under used character, and could use some character development time under Fatgum, sense they both have quirks that utilize fat cells and she is entirely too thin to be doing hard hero work while using up that much energy. No WONDER she passes out all the time!
Nirengeki Shoda
Sexuality: Biromantic, Asexual
Gender: Trans Man, He/Him
OTP: It's hard to ship the 1-B kids cause they don't get near enough focused screen time. Shoda doesn't even seem to have a real affinity with anyone in his class either, sense every time we've seen him he's paired with someone new. I got nothing, it seems.
BROTP: He, Yui, Reiko, and Kendo all hang out I think. Shoda's really chill and team focused, so he can really blend into any group, but the girls specifically tend to steal him for hang outs the most.
Random Headcanon: Shoda has a real hard time taking praise or thinking he's really worthy of anything, a lot like Momo. It's something he's been forced to get better at sense being in a class with Neito Monoma though, sense the guy won't take "nah I didn't do anything" as an answer when complimenting people. Shoda's worked self deprecation out of his speaking habits out of necessity at this point.
General Opinion: My son boy I picked this one for the Fatfam and I'm the only one to do so but the Baseball OVA really got me okay my S/I is baseball themed and Shoda's quirk is REALLY GOOD for baseball of COURSE I'd pick him up. My intern now, suck it Shishido. I also just think the Fatgum agency needs more Class B in the mix. MORE REP FOR CLASS B!!!!
#Thankyou for asking#Fatgum#Fatfam#I love these guys my handsome husband and our beautiful kids god bless#These takes are sooooooo based on my own S/I I am SO sorry I am bleeding into the headcanon post kdfgjkfdg#Two late 20 somethings and their band of teenage children#I would like to legally adopt Momo she is my dear sweet baby girl mwah mwah sweetheart#Tamaki loves his family but he hates being the oldest they all expect so much of him#Regressor Tamaki he's actually the baby brother#Nirengeki gets hit with my Ace Beam because I love him#Much like hot Taishi gets the Pan beam#Get headcanoned idiots#This was fun thanks for asking sorry I didn't answer last night like I planned#My melatonin punched me in the jaw just as I requested it to do
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I shouldn't be surprised at the amount of haters for gender fluid jk but like... Yeah, it's a work of fiction, first of all, its not that deep. Some of y'all are chill with a/b/o dynamics but not with playing with gender? 🤨 secondly, it's jungkook. THE jungkook. Are they telling me him possibly using different pronouns is a turn off? 🤨🤨🤨 that's so weird, the man could seriously be into feet and I'd still love him if he let me ((i dont mean to compare queerness with a fetish, it's just the example that popped up first)). i dont get queerphobia in general (bc we're just, ya know, existing??) But yeah, if you're not into something, scroll on? Mind your business?? Nobody is getting hurt here.
And their idea that you portraying him as queer is "dehumanising" is especially telling of their morals and I don't care for it at all.
Idk, you're doing amazing sweetie, we don't listen to the phobes, good job
i told my best friend when i started writing gender fluid jk that i just know someone’s gonna come in my inbox and be an absolute bitch about it. no joke, not even an hour after i posted the teaser someone had already said something. not even the full fic, just the teaser??
but that’s what i’m saying!! if you’re gonna get mad about me changing pronouns then why are they okay with jungkook as a hybrid, a/b/o, yandere, shitty mafia guy that murders people, a real mean bitch of a man that’s hella misogynistic. like ??? it’s a story, just like every other fan fic trope that exists that they’ve probably read?
boo hoo i made yoongi a lesbian 🍅 mega boooo because i gave jungkook he/they pronouns 🍅🍅🍅 suck my dick
it’s not that deep. and non binary, lesbian, gender fluid, gay, trans, all the works armys exist 🚶♀️be real, let everyone have a little fun sometimes, like i know within the community it’s not always easy to find fics that are completely relatable, and that’s why i love the representation
SERIOUSLY!!! disclaimer before i get weird people in my inbox again, but literally jungkook has never specified his pronouns. and that’s not me saying he should be nonbinary or gender fluid plus, once again since apparently it didn’t stick the first time, it’s a story
fictional jungkook isn’t gonna give you cooties because he’s gender fluid. he’s living his best life with his cutie partner 🚶♀️
LMAO i understand what you mean though, literally jungkook can be into whatever, or whoever, he can like what he wants, identity as what he wants and that’s not gonna throw me off, have you seen that guy. i would commit multiple war crimes for him
that’s what i said :( just unfollow me, block me even, i don’t care. it’s not that deep and i’m not gonna miss them at all.
it’s just, i guess upsetting that someone would come onto my page and say something that isn’t true about me when they clearly know nothing?? and then treat me like i’m the ignorant one 🚶♀️
i hope they know bts absolutely hates them for being queerphobic. yoongi has our back fr 🙏
yay thank you babes 🫂💕 kicking my legs and giggling or whatever because you’re so sweet. please accept a smooch ‼️ MWAH
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jet star for that character ask game 👀
💫 JET STAR 🌟
(thank you marz i was hoping to get to do her!!)
Sexuality Headcanon: bi-adjacent but i think she doesn’t really label herself that way. they would probably describe themself as attracted to almost anyone but i DO think they have a preference for trans people :) T4T jet forever mwah mwah 💕
Gender Headcanon: i have recently seen the light & so i would have had a different answer for you like a week and a half ago but now i absolutely believe jet is nonbinary transfemme (specifically i think she identifies as a demigirl), she/they pronouns :3!
A ship I have with said character: STARPONY!!! T4T femme4femme enby love forever. also they’re just like. THEE zones power couple. everyone in the desert has been in love with one or both of them at some point or another and the first time they go out together holding hands in public the gossip mill FREAKS the fuck out. i also think that starparty is quite cute :) and a ship i feel i don’t see often enough (present company excluded) is starpartyghoul they’re SUCH a good match for each other and i love all of them so much oml
A BROTP I have with said character: PARTY AND JET are besties like BEST BEST friends forever, jet is really the first person their own age in the desert to be nice to party and honestly i think the way they became friends at all was party (immovable object aka autistic + covering that up with being Mean, doesn’t know how to make friends AT ALL) meets jet (unstoppable force aka desertborn, knows everyone and is just REALLY friendly and outgoing and likes everyone, including this weird kid they just met who is super super shy but likes their violin and will just kind of skulk around near them not saying anything) and i like to describe it as this:
anyways. they are BEST friends jet knows they can tell party anything and they will do their absolute best to help and party steals jet’s clothes all the time because jet is partial to really soft knitted sweaters and when they’re sad or just needing comfort it’s nice to wear something that reminds them of their best friend. also jet smells like vanilla because of her body lotion so. bonus! on the other hand i also really enjoy jet and ghoul friendship i think party is really the only one in the diner not handy with tools and jet is tall so she helps ghoul fix stuff all the time especially if ghoul needs help reaching it. and jet also warmed up to ghoul REALLY fast when he first joined the crew they like to play board games together. ghoul is i think the only one in the diner who successfully has come to understand the rules of chess after jet taught him how to play so they play that a lot :) & when ghoul told her he wanted to get a tattoo for everyone she picked out a set of playing cards with the ace of spades face up so he has that now for her 🥰
A NOTP I have with said character: ummm hard to say. i honestly think jet works with anyone so like…pretty much only people too old for them like dr. d and tcm. starpony is my fave starparty is cute funstar is cute even jetkobra is cute most of the time when people aren’t being weird and rpf-y about it and/or just doing it so they can pair off the “extraneous” two when they’re shipping funpoison & i’ve read cherri x jet before and thought it was sweet so yeah.
A random headcanon: jet has these twin shooting stars tattooed on her ribcage right under the curve of her pecs!! i think she gets them before starting to take E but they really do um. frame the girls nicely. i used to hc jet as transmasc and originally those tattoos were like. i thought it would be cool if they were kind of transforming top surgery scars with tattoo trickery but i genuinely genuinely think jet would have these tattoos being transfemme too. over time she gets stuff added to them so she eventually has this whole chest/sternum/stomach piece made up of patchwork tattooing all building off of these shooting star tattoos she got done when she was sixteen. wild
General Opinion over said character: I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I LOVE HER i truly believe she’s the glue that keeps the fab four together and motivated and theyre just FUNNY and smart and brave i love you jet star
send me a character for this ask game!!
#pi's personal#danger days#hcs#jet star#marz tag 🔮#thank you thank you for giving me the chance to talk about her sorry i rambled on for so gd long
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I started writing a fanfic for Ouran High School Host Club (it’s been comfort media for me for Years and I… mwah)… do I need to figure out how to use AO3’s posting backend now….
I know it’s like. Probably not everyone’s cup of tea (esp because a lot of my mutuals and followers are aro) but it’s like… transmasc nonbinary Haruhi (now called Haru, they/he/she pronouns, probably aroallo? We’ll see) x gay Kyoya (disowned by his parents and kinda lost) as immigrants in San Francisco. Ranka’s an amazing she/her dad who moved with Haru (I love Ranka).
Part of my brain just wants to write smut and the other part wants to make an art piece on queer Asian culture, immigrant life, and the Bay Area (I guess I’ve been missing home recently). Guess which side is winning (I don’t know how to write smut even though I read a lot of it. This is not a me-being-humble, this is a plea for help <half-joke>).
I’m also very bad at finishing writing projects so I’m like. Cautious about posting it. But maybe it will spark more people to write trans Haruhi…
#void.txt#I also am begging people who write transmasc characters to Let Them Top! Please!#the ouran project
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🦢🦢
are you 18+? obviously yes. nope!! {requests: open:3} ABOUT ME-🦢
im a trans gay male who has no interest in any romantic relashionship tho i do like it when people are romantic to me or freaky and sexual to me.(im a weirdo and i dont give a fart) i just dont wanna do serious stuff like dating,
i am a artist and im starting to learn how to be a writer! if you have any tips on being a writer dont be shy to hide!! pls give me tips and thing i should not do in my writing id appreciate it.
i will draw fanart for anyones ocs!! only if i want to though.
here are some rules and guidelines !!
THINGS I WILL ALLOW/DO-🦢🦢
I Will only do xmale reader. sorry ladies i love you but if your finding xfemale readers this is not the place. i will also write xftm reader, in any race!! black male reader? come in!! mexican reader? welcome to the club! and chubby male readers are more than welcome to stay!!
ill write for ANY and i mean any celebrity, youtuber, streamer, anyone, only if they are 18+(obvi).
ill allow any kinks but NO messed up ones. ill allow, hard spanking, ass eating, face sitting, rough sex, toxic sex,
THINGS I WONT ALLOW/DO-🦢🦢🦢
i wont swear. the only time i swear is in my fics. or when replying to anons.
i WONT and i mean WONT accept/allow, pedos(get the fuck off), racists, homophobia, transphobia, hate to anything, fatphobia(i love my chubby readers.).
i wont write any xfemale readers. im sorry but it makes me uncomfortable and have no intrest in writing for females. if your gonna come after me for this then i will block you or we can talk about this, and please just go read another xfemale reader and i mean no offence. i wont write for xgn readers. also not the place for you please keep it moving in the most respectful way possible.
i wont do any yuck and disturbing kinks like, scat, piss drinking(like why?), anything includng children under 18 will not be allowed(pls no), waterboarding, rape(maybe this but never really wrote for rape..).
please dont ask about my age im not giving any personal information. and please refer to me as he/him.
please follow these rules or atleast respect them a bit. thank you everyone and have a good day/night love you my little princes! mwa mwah💋💋 -Angle🦢
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my thoughts and predictions for shameless after finishing 7x7
note: i know mickey breaks outta prison or something bc i'm crazy and go onto the wikipedia page for whatever season i'm on and then ctrl f "mickey" to see if he'll be there so i don't get dissapointed when he's not and i also know this happens 7x9 but that's all i know
idk if it's bc i'm watching the jinx s2 or just have brainrot but i do think it would be silly funny for mickey to try to get ian to marry him after breaking out bc spouses don't have to rat each other out to the cops
i'm really glad ian is dating other people and expanding his horizons and understanding what a stable relationship with communication and stuff looks like and also what he wants and doesn't want i love u mwah
also being an emt is so good for ian i'm so proud of him
the season 7 opening scene went crazy it was so good i loved it
i love svetlana. there i said it.
i was legitimately suprised they decided to have a whole arc about trans people in 2016??? like they say a lot of shit that made me be like oh god oh no pls don't say that, but i feel like just talking about it all earnestly and having a trans guy be a major love interest for ian is pretty slay
i know everyone knows about how much i love mickey milkovich and by extension ian, but i was really surprised when i was excited for ian to get new boyfriends???? i thought they were all pretty cute and both times a new one showed up i was like yay!. ian!. but as soon as mickey gets out prison though i'm gonna need you to move out of the way peace and love please and thank you
i feel like v's hair has been especially good this season? like it's always looked good, but i feel like they are playing with it more episode to episode which is really fun!
btw almost decided to stay up til 1am to get to 7x9 despite the fact i have to get up at 7:30 for work tomorrow just to see mickey milkovich but i know it'll be for like 2 seconds probable and my sleep schedule to rocky enough as it is so probably for the best
#okay i think i've put enought thoughts down for me to be able to sleep tn without thinking about it slay#shameless#no spoilers pls!!!#me.txt
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everyone posting for tgirl tummy tuesday you make life worth living btw
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fic recs 2.0!
hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest
Canonverse
I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)
I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.
Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.
"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.
a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it
on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)
“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”
hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible
dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)
Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.
dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh
Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)
Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.
hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !
walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)
Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.
S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god
the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)
Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."
MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god
Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)
Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.
Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs
JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS.
hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)
Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.
they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah
Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)
In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.
sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...
an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)
Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.
The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.
hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life
Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)
This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny.
ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...
love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)
ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!
These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.
for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot
the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)
“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”
“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.
And it used to belong to someone else.
this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out
Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)
Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.
cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much
Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)
The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.
written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3
sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)
"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.
very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good
Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)
“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”
Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.
early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please
Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)
Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.
Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.
oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot
all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)
“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”
Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.
“I mean it,” Dean insisted.
“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”
hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good
The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)
He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.
this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading
till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)
Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.
hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3
First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)
“We should go on a date. You and me.”
Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.
“I’m asking you out, Cas.”
this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together
Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)
Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”
op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible
the shape you take by noviembre (10k)
“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”
And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”
Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:
Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.
Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”
--
Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.
dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you
Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)
Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).
yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?
you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)
Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.
Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.
love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean
The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)
While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.
a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible
No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)
“We should fuck,” Dean says.
Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.
There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.
Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”
literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex
Bodies by Speary (18k)
It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.
i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality
it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)
So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.
“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”
“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.
Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.
“What do you remember, Cas?”
“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."
or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?
BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.
More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)
Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.
He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.
Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.
this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!
Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)
"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."
Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.
Dean was done with this shit.
***
Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.
it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease
I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)
His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.
His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.
this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this
To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)
Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.
In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.
mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this
where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)
“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”
this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot
Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)
After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.
Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.
yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3
Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)
In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.
(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)
cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much
Emergence by ellispark (58k)
Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.
A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.
another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god
a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)
Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.
Frigging fantastic.
(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)
cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved
Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)
Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds
Or
An ethics lesson from Hell
Or
The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.
deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended
Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)
Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.
There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.
Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.
With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.
saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read
Casefic/Roadtrip Fic
Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)
Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.
He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.
Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.
Castiel stills.
“Dean?”
the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much
before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)
The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.
chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now
we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)
Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.
fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.
thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)
After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.
OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.
this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good
Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)
It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.
actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this
best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)
It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.
the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this
the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)
This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.
alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times
Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)
Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.
Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.
Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.
hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much
Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)
Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.
Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?
one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3
Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial
Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)
Based on the tumblr textpost:
jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store
this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face
Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)
“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.
Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.
“What is it, Cas?”
“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.
“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”
There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.
dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.
tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)
Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.
It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.
Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.
Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.
Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.
i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much
Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)
Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.
Dean will tell him—
Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.
cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3
dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)
Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.
Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.
obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny
Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)
The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.
Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.
the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good
Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)
When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:
Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.
The reality of the moment is this:
It’s fucking cold.
dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences
my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)
“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.
The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.
--
In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.
one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am
killing time by orestespdf (11k)
It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.
(A character study of Castiel.)
perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.
and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)
Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.
--
aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.
a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah
for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)
'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken
"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "
Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.
mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD
swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)
Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.
Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.
this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through
looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)
"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."
Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.
EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal
what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)
It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.
~~~
"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"
"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."
deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic
Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)
Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.
So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.
And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.
"Hello, Dean."
oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this
break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)
The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.
SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss
ascend by quiettewandering (53k)
Something in the world is wrong.
Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.
But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.
Or can it?
SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should
oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)
Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.
~~~
"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"
Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.
Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.
"What?" Dean grits out.
"I love you, too."
the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying
Endverse
final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)
“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”
"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."
endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god
The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)
The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."
this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds
to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)
cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.
oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao
the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)
The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.
this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach
Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)
There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.
The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.
PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.
Non Supernatural AUS
Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)
Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”
Reflexively, Dean laughs.
Castiel does not.
“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”
look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it
One White Lie by komodobits (11k)
Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.
He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”
do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.
separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)
Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.
~~~
For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.
God, he's so fucking stupid.
Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.
"Three years ago," Cas prompts.
Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."
this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please
Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)
The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.
(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).
this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him
Non Destiel Centric
gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)
sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want?
HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god.
the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)
Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.
required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good
Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)
In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)
for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3
Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)
Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."
this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this
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I saw your post abt the wall fic, and I just wanted to say I really, really like what you’re writing. It’s not often that media tells you how to move forward with those kind of thoughts, and I wish it happened more. I also remember how, while I read orv the first time through, I didn’t see anything that concerning or different with how kdj acted until really far into the story when it was hard not to realize. I had to revaluate how I thought after that, and try to figure out if what I was feeling really was “something everyone goes through” or not—which was a bit difficult because my friends were like that as well.
Anyways, your fic is probably one of my absolute favorites, and I’m really looking forward to what you have in mind :D
(P.S. I love your other fics, too! The way you write them is just mwah, chef’s kiss)
<3! Yeah. I think when I was a kid the media I saw about suicidal ideation seemed to come from this place of people who were just as lost and confused as I was... Like I would read fanfic where being "self-sacrificing" was interpreted as suicidal purely for Angst factor... and while that was something that I needed, to feel like the things that were just... Real in my life were something that other people experienced too, a lot of times that sort of interpretation just reinforced the stuff I was already feeling and led to this continuation... There's something to be said for the fact that if you're looking for it you can find these online communities of people who are trying to express openly their experiences with mental health through these avenues that already obviously hold interest... like I think I learned what a panic attack was from bnha fanfic when i was 15, which was helpful because I started having them after I came out as Trans lmao.
Yeah, then I really admire the way ORV tackles Kim Dokja's suicidal ideation. Like you say, everything he does at the beginning starts within the safety of those "self-sacrificing" tropes, right? The kind of thing that is just meant to make the protagonist seem heroic, like he has a sense of duty... I think that the reason I've always sought out that trope is not because I want to see a protagonist suffer, but because there's this innate power fantasy to the idea that a hero can be self destructive and then have that mean something. That they can change the world with that, that their friends won't want them to do it, that people care about them because they want to do this awful thing to themselves... Then, that doing the sacrifice is a good thing and doesn't have consequences and you get a happy ending anyway... But I think that ORV does a good job of deconstructing that as "fantasy," that your friends care about you Because they Care About You and they Do Not need you to do awful things to yourself to express that care for you, and that there are CONSEQUENCES even if you do survive, but that doesn't mean there aren't still happy endings... The realization of KDJ being suicidal in the epilogues is so powerful because it does this thing that readers were already doing with action heroes who sacrifice themselves and saying like "Hey, reader, this is you, isn't it? This is why you're reading, right?" and its like YeAh. A LITTEL BIT HUH. OKAY. Like even if you've never gotten that far, you just know... this is Sad, but its also common... It's not heroic or grand; it's a 15 year old kid sitting in a hospital bed. And then the idea that ORV was entirely written FOR that kid, FOR that reader who looked at the protagonist who has to die again and again in despair and said "that's me, isn't it?" LIKE im tearing up just thinking about it, honestly. The just emphasis on human connection there and the idea that a story is someone trying to save someone else... 😭😭😭😭
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