#i love EMOTIONAL TRIANGULATION

[wildehacked]

you know one reason i'm sad about the shipwar is that i know, deep in my soul, that if we hadn't had a shipwar, there would have been a lot more fic that appealed to me personally

[disarmd]

Nooooo, I can't believe I asked for horny and you gave me more Oscar heartbreak instead and stopped rigtht before the horny part 💔💔💔💔💔😫😫😫😫😫 (No but thank you, many new things to consider and I will start praying right now that 0.01% chance comes true and you write it 🕯🙏)

re the Oscar and Mark of In Anticipation verse

hahahhaah, i'm sorry, nonnie, the specific type of horny in this world requires we start at a point of heartbreak. to ramp things back up to horny, one of the things that i think would happen would be that oscar and lando would talk about how no one has ever eaten out lando 😈 and maybe they would have to 😈 make a plan 😈 to earn it from daniel 😈 so oscar could get to try 😈

[burst-of-iridescent]

i keep seeing the argument that katara saving zuko in the final agni kai means nothing because her character arc was completed in the crossroads of destiny, which makes no sense because it's incredibly clear that the ending of CoD is not framed as a triumphant moment by the narrative.

aang's death is the show's darkest moment, and the scene where katara catches and escapes with him only reinforces this hopelessness and despair. she is outnumbered, outclassed and outmaneouvred, saved only by iroh's intervention, and most crucially, the moment where katara revives aang hinges entirely on her spirit water and has little to do with katara herself or her own abilities. even the slight hope that surfaces with aang's survival is immediately undercut by the bleak reminder that ba sing se has fallen to emphasise that this is a retreat, not a victory. all they can salvage from the brink of catastrophe is the chance to live and fight another day, cold comfort in the face of losing the last, greatest stronghold against the fire nation.

take by contrast the final agni kai. the fight with azula highlights every one of katara's strengths as well as her growth and talent as a waterbender: her ability to evade and trick azula displays her intelligence; her use of the materials at hand (the chain and drain) reveals her resourcefulness; her final combat move demonstrates her ingenuity and proves that she has taken to heart the show's most important lesson of learning and drawing wisdom from even the unlikeliest of places.

the emotional crux of both fights is anchored in katara's apparent helplessness and fear (hence the near-identical shots of her horrified face as she watches aang and zuko get struck by lightning), but the difference is that the resolution of the final agni kai is contingent on katara and katara alone. this time, there is no magic water, no allies, no one to turn to for help, only a merciless, prodigious enemy at the apex of her power... and yet, it's katara who proves victorious.

where aang's death and resurrection are an actualization of katara's deepest fears - that by herself she is not strong or brave or skilled enough to protect those she loves, no matter how hard she tries - defeating azula and healing zuko serve as a repudiation of those very same fears, bringing her full circle from the scared little girl who could do nothing to save her mother.

the crossroads of destiny and the final agni kai are intentionally mirrored narratives, most obviously exemplified in the katara-zuko-azula triangulation and the polarity of their respective arcs; thus, where katara could once save aang only with a miracle, she now saves zuko with nothing but her own skill - and in so doing, brings her arc of empowerment to its triumphant completion.

[astuteology]

Has this ever happened to you?

Placements that you should keep an eye on-

[Edit:don't be confused about the placements i mentioned below. Ask if you have any doubts. Share your own experiences with these placements. And read the title carefully! The placements alone may or may not cause this, some other placements can alter that as well. Still if you have any confusion or doubts, you can send me your birth details with your question and ill be more than happy to answer! {I dont charge :)}]

Any planet (except for outer) as your 5th lord, sitting in the 12th house: look at the sign, sidereal (It is VERY important to look at the sidereal placements for accuracy). Besides having soooo maaaany hidden talents, it attracts hidden stalkers. For eg- sun sitting in the 12th house as the 5th house lord in the sign leo, anyone with leo placements will go INSANELY crazy for you and they WILL NOT hear "no" from you. It is very invasive and disgusting, potentially leading to feelings of anxiety and fear in you.

Lilith in the 1st house: 5th, 7th, 10th and 12th are also affected with this BUT lilith in the 1st is THE MOST AFFECTED PLACEMENT. No matter what sign you have, one thing is for sure no one will stand up for you, no will be ever be real with you, everyone will try to humble you down. Especially with females, not one female friend of yours is true to you, nor they ever will be. Not even the new friends that you'll be making. Now if you are feeling that no it is not like that my friend is not like that, wait, time will tell the truth.

Mars in cancer: worse if its in the 4th and retrograde. Mars doesn't do well with emotions, it's an energy and it wants to be set free. One thing is sure, your family is against you no matter how much they tell you and show you that they love you. It's an act. Wait until you evasdrop.

For women; men will try to dominate you, tell you things you want to hear, to gain control over you. For men; all of your male friends, are not your friends. All. Of. Them. If you are committed, women will try to manipulate you into leaving your partner. Do not.

Pisces/Sagittarius/cancer sun/moon in the 12th house: first and foremost, I salute you for surviving 🫡. If youre thinking "it will get easy", it. Will. Not. You will eventually have to remove yourself from whatever gave you hell.

Saturn+moon+north/south node in the 2nd, 4th, 6th or 12th: the good side is; WONDERFUL self control, GREAT and in depth knowledge of humans, it can take you to great positions but with perseverance. Now the negatives; anxiety that is almost impossible to control. Irrational fears. Women figures in your home or relatives will always be after you to attack you. It will definitely take you away from your home (physical or mental distance). But you will always be chased after by your family, relatives, cousins, oldest friends, ex friends, exes.... I mean the jealous ones.

Scorpio rising/ascendant: the ones you consider your "loved ones" or "closest to me", do they feel the same about you?.... hmm?. Read that again.

You need to be very very VERY cautious with people you meet, your every friend, even the childhood ones, literally everyone, even your siblings or cousins. They may or may not be real with you. Look for- guilt tripping, victim card, women's card, attention seeking, emotional manipulation, using your past against you, grandiosity, self centeredness (even if it is subtle), gaslighting by minimization, emotional triangulation, love bombing, projection reversal, etc. If you suspect someone close to you has narcissistic tendencies, cut them off. If your can't, ignore them. I know it is hard, but you will not give them power over you.

Neptune on the ascendant: no one will ever know the real you. No one will ever believe you. Even if you tell them about yourself. There's no "first impression is the last impression" for others, it's "someone told me you are like that so i'll always believe you are like that" for others. Annnd its also gonna come from the people you never expected.

8th house synastry with your best friends, cousins or siblings: ooooffff.... that shit will hurt badly. Once there is "THAT" fight, ykwim, there's no going back. No rebuilding bonds, no trusting anyone ever again, emotional exhaustion. Watch them tell your secrets to the people you both disliked, watch them replace you so quickly, watch them do the things they told you they will never do, watch them befriend people they said were not nice, watch them playing the victim card. And then one day they'll come back again and act like they've changed, when its just to use you again. A whole new level of narcissism here.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are more! Stay tuned.

[hello-eeveev]

I’m rotating the “his name is Bren, and he is very intelligent” scene in my head again, but not for the reason you think.

Essek’s vibes in that scene are very different compared the ostensibly similar interaction from episode 95: Essek makes passing reference to a partner, Bells Hells inquires further, Essek answers. But while his response in e95 exudes warmth and affection, now he is strangely… matter-of-fact? oddly serious? distracted? without apparent cause for this change.

I used the transcript version to label the scene, but in reality, the cadence is more like, “His name is Bren. And he is, um… very intelligent.” And during that pause, his brow furrows and he looks down, and his face stays there for the rest of the sentence and halfway into the next one.

I’m struggling to triangulate the tone of voice because it’s not quite dismissive, but it does seem like he is trying to sate their curiosity and be done with it, which is, again, quite unlike how he spoke about Caleb in e95.

Then he sighs and says, “I’m sorry. If my anxiety shows, there’s something about—I dislike not knowing what’s coming, especially given the stakes […]. There are few things I hate more than not knowing.” And I thought that was interesting because 1) relatable, but more importantly 2) he made a mental jump over the course of that sigh and I needed to know what it was.

It’s an easy enough conclusion to come to: his vibes were off because he was anxious. He’s anxious because he’s dealing with a lot of unknowns.

It’s a small character detail and it’s not new, but this instance of it has been spinning in my brain all day. Essek shutters himself a bit when he’s anxious and in new situations. He isn’t necessarily short in his answers and he doesn’t quite have a flat affect, but there is an emotional shuttering. I’m not sure if he’s cutting himself off from his emotions as well or just others—that could be an interesting facet to explore—but it makes him hard to read and he comes off weird. And I love it, it’s such a tasty character beat om nom nom nom

And! While I think it was pretty obvious that he was doing this conscious letting down of walls a lot as he befriended the m9, look at how quick he is now to articulate what’s happening and adjust accordingly! It’s still a little awkward and disjointed, but he’s been practicing over these seven years!!! I’m proud of him!!!!

[arson-jellyfish69]

Thinking about how tfp Dreadwing is actually a very emotional person.

At the point in the show where we meet him he hasn't seen his brother in centuries, millennia even. And still he comes rushing as soon as he feels his twin dying, just to confirm if he is actually gone.

He disobeys clear orders not to engage with the enemy because he wanted to get revenge and only drops that malice when Optimus saves him from Starscream with the apex armour and apologises for having murdered Skyquake

Later in the show he betrayed the Decepticons, the cause he's fought under since the beginning of the war, because he's disgusted, angry at Starscream for desecrating his brother, and even more so at Megatron for practicaly condoning that behaviour by allowing him back into the fold and attempting to hide that fact from him.

He tries to murder Starscream in revenge, yelling, calling him a desecrator, disobeying a direct order from Megatron, to his face, because he's far too absorbed by anger and grief and hatred, and that gets him killed

I get that he looks like a very stoick, almost unfeeling person at first glance but God this man is so full of love for his brother and anger at the desecration he faced, even in episode triangulation he wants to kill Starscream for leaving his brother to die even before finding out he had desecrated him.

[sublimati0ns]

TFP crack pairing that will not leave my brain:

Starscream and Optimus Prime.

Like, I feel like Optimus could be good for Starscream? Assuming Starscream could stop backstabbing and lying to everyone for literally two seconds and actually made an effort to change, y'know?

Idk, thoughts?

-🍁

While watching TFP, I thought this pairing was plausible in Season 1!! I liked how Optimus vouched for Starscream in s01e20 “Partners,” and seemed genuinely disappointed in Arcee for letting her emotions get the best of her, causing Starscream to go rogue. Their interaction at the beginning of Season 2 was also cute, when Optimus had reverted to his Orion Pax state///

But beyond that, I think there would have to be heavy canon divergence for it to work out, ICly (IMO!) 🤔 After Optimus regains his memories in S2, he becomes colder and more jaded. When he meets Starscream in s02e13 “Triangulation,” he no longer gives him the benefit of the doubt, holding him at gunpoint and refusing to remove his restraints. He could have tried to recruit SS and teamed up against Dreadwing with him, but instead he decides to team up with Dreadwing to defeat the Apex Armour’ed Starscream 😭💔

They don’t have many moments together in general, so by the end of the series, I felt there wasn’t enough chemistry between them to substantiate a post-canon ship (even if they both lived at the end of Rising). I like ‘missing scenes’ or pre-canon exploration as well, but my main focus tends to be post-canon so as not to contradict or reframe the story’s on-screen events (just my personal preference).

But in divergent AUs of S1 or S2, I would have loved to see Starscream and Optimus work as allies and maybe become friends, at least! Maybe in another world, Starscream doesn’t get caught by the vehicons in s02e02—he reveals the truth to Orion, helps him escape, and then joins the Autobots (partially to spite Megatron and partially because it seems like a good strategic plan).

I think—at least in TFP specifically—I can only imagine them having a platonic relationship, though… They don’t seem to be each other’s types to me (Optimus seems like he’ll forever be hung up on Megatron, and Starscream… also hung up on Megatron in a different way, but he has Knock Out and Shockwave and Smokescreen in his orbit to be weird with instead 😂).

I personally prefer a “redeemed” Starscream to not deviate much from his original on-screen personality—perhaps he learns he can gain people’s respect in ways other than via fear and violence, stops taking his stress out on everyone around him, and stops jumping the gun when it comes to “they can’t fuck me over if I fuck them over first!”… but he’s still cynical, cutthroat, and ambitious. He’s still the kind of guy who believes murder is always a viable problem-solving option. He’s still going to believe that the Autobots’ “peace and love and everyone is equal and everyone gets a say” rhetoric is stupid and unsustainable… He’s just not going to try to bring it down like he did before.

So with that in mind, I feel like he’d often be at odds with Optimus, and often find Optimus’s pressure to be the bigger mech and give everyone grace to be stifling 🤔 Maybe if Optimus had a bit of a corruption arc inversely proportionate to Starscream’s redemption? … Wait, would that just result in IDW Prowl. Or IDW StarBee? Hmmm.

All this said, no judgement for OpStar fans, these are just my personal thoughts on their TFP iterations specifically! ♥️I might end up shipping them in other continuities too, once I see them interact more :D

[reason-with-the-underdog]

what if alhaitham & faranak get along?

like, really really well!

they vibe & faranak thinks alhaitham is absolutely wonderful, which is great for kaveh!

.... except, well. it also makes him feel weird bc she's warmer to alhaitham (& still kinda stiff around kaveh)

i am always on my "awkward fraught family relationships where they love each other* but also dont know how to talk to each other" soapbox

wherein kaveh & faranak love each other in that they would probably drop everything and rush to help if ever asked but they will never ask (self fulfilling prophecy)

faranak thinking she's doing a great job showing that she supports her son & his choice in partner ->

kaveh feeling increasingly alienated and pulls back slightly ->

faranak recognises the tension and becomes even more polite (and distant) in response to avoid offending kaveh more ->

faranak being even warmer to alhaitham bc she can be welcoming that way ->

ooh yeah that's a bad cycle!!

i genuinely think kaveh & faranak also just don't know each other that well, despite their family ties, but neither of them can admit that out loud bc it would harm their self-perceptions/egos to say that they've failed at playing happy family

so uh, where do they go from there?

faranak seems prone to anxiety so imagine:

faranak: i want to say i support my son's relationship but what if he says i dont have the right to judge him bc i haven't been in his life in years…

kaveh: as long as my mom's fine, i can keep it together until i go home. no problem

and faranak doesnt invite kaveh out anymore tho bc kaveh already declined twice (due to genuine excuses/conflicts but still, she got the memo)

so she just sends alhaitham an invite to meet up & hopes kaveh shows up (this sentiment is not mentioned in the invite at all)

alhaitham decides its time to interfere when he comes back to their accommodations to kaveh staring at himself in the bathroom mirror reminding himself how much he HATED doing root touch-ups or else having to grow out his roots the last time he dyed his hair……

(yes i love the hc that kaveh dyed his hair brown when he last saw his mother in Fontaine to avoid having her be reminded of her last husband on the day of her wedding)

ALHAITHAM IS TIRED OF TRIANGULATING

STOP USING HIM AS GO-BETWEEN SO YOU CAN AVOID SAYING "i love you but i dont know how to talk to you without feeling pained/hurting you" !!!

ive seen some takes where alhaitham dislikes faranak because of how kaveh's suffered as a child/young adult while trying to protect her feelings

but i personally think alhaitham would say that it was kaveh's own choice to bear that burden & not hold kaveh's guilt complex and emotional turmoil against her

and alhaitham would likely be curious about faranak, given that kaveh's both defensive of her as a mother but also very certain that her son should leave her alone, so he accepts the invite to meet faranak to make his own judgements

and well, faranak is also a genius architect, i'm sure she can ramble about fascinating research topics just like kaveh can

so yeah imagine their first meeting & kaveh's sitting at the table next to them feeling at first excited they're getting along and then… like an outsider

sometimes its easier to be genuine and friendly when there's not so much baggage that's been shoved down….

[erulasse23]

I just finished season one of Interview with the Vampire! Thoughts below (disclaimer I have not read the book):

One of my favorite things is the exploration of memory and emotion as Louis is presenting this story. Daniel’s comment about EMDR therapy made me laugh. It definitely resonates with my experience, especially with the idea that we can tell ourself a narrative that may not be true for emotional reasons.

The relationship between Lestat and Louis… oh boy. I usually love a good toxic relationship (I mean I ship silvergifting for god’s sake) but this one felt more creepy than anything. I’m still figuring out why, I think partially bc certain aspects hit a little too close to home. Also it felt very stereotypical of a M/f abusive relationship including the triangulation with Claudia. I haven’t studied gender/sexuality in media much so I don’t take my opinion too seriously but I just picked up on what felt like stereotypes.

All that to say I still am enjoying the show and I’m insanely excited to see what happens next (in the present and past!!!) I just love to hate Lestat lmao.

Let me know your thoughts! (no spoilers for season two please)

[crepesuzette2023]

I’m really interested that you think John was in love with Brian too! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone suggest that before.

Hi Anon, For context, I assume you're referring to my tags on this post (Klaus Voormann on Paul's reaction to John and Brian and Barcelona, as observed first-hand by Klaus on Tenerife).

So, when I read the words Brian Epstein was in love with John, so Paul felt isolated, it got me thinking that first, it's always Brian being in love with John that's mentioned, never John's feelings for Brian. And it's not as if there's nothing there: John himself referred to his relationship with Brian, specifically during Barcelona, as an unconsummated, intense almost-love-relationship, with Brian's open gay identity as the main source of attraction. Does that mean John was pining for Brian and writing letters and leaning over the piano while looking at him over his shoulder? Probably not (though, who knows), but I have no doubt John was was fascinated by and infatuated with Brian. Lewisohn mentions this in some detail; John makes a point of clarifying that Brian was in love with *him*, actually.

(I also wrote something here about why the "John was vetting Brian as a manager" and "casting couch" scenarios don't do it for me as explanations for John agreeing, after having declined similar offers before, to accompany Brian to Barcelona in '63.)

[I also wanted to write: what would piss off Paul more: Another man being in love with John, or John being reciprocally in love with another man? Option 2, please! Q.E.D.! But: see below.]

About that Klaus quote in general.

I think Klaus was much smarter as an artist than he was in his words, in some ways. Paul had many reasons to be annoyed by "Barcelona": it split the band, it introduced imbalance into Lennon/McCartney, maybe he was concerned people would 'talk', which they did, and yeah, maybe he doubted Brian's good sense, and was worried about his own standing with their manager.

And on top of that, maybe, he was jealous of John's feelings for Brian, and Brian's for John, and tired of the ongoing triangulation games.

Who knows?

But what I don't believe is that their emotional snapshot during Barcelona held true for the entire lifespan of the Beatles. Paul didn't 'always' feel the outsider within the band, come onnn! And Brian's good friend Nat Weiss said Brian and Paul got on really well in the end — etc. —

The truth is probably as haunting and layered and rich in details as Klaus's drawings! :-)

Thanks for listening if you're still there.

[boundwithpurple]

viserys targaryen

How I feel about this character

i’ve said before that the deal with house of the dragon characters is you are choosing which misogynist works for you and which brand of misogyny is most compelling. no one is honest about this though. it’s always about creating a moral hierarchy which i think doesn’t have much explanatory value. which is all to say that i really hate this guy because he activates something really unpleasant in me. it would be nice if others could be as honest. there is something about his particular shtick where he like psychologically effortlessly destroys his entire family which is also almost the entirety of the main cast without even really meaning to or with any malicious intent while keeping his own image of himself as a good guy trying his best unshakably intact that sets me the fuck off…and yet it IS really hard to hate him, because paddy considine’s performance is so incredible, and he sells you so hard on his inner sense of himself as beleaguered reasonable moral center, a charming goofy dad. this is my least favorite type of man in the entire world. it’s personal. it’s not rational but almost physical repulsion to his “aw shucks” grin. and yet it is such an incredible performance and paddy conveys his immense, morally neutral suffering - no comeuppance, no curse, just a human body in pain for no reason at all - with such acute pathos that 1.08 makes me cry every time i watch it, when rhaenyra and alicent and daemon love him and are destroyed by witnessing that suffering even though he’s shattered their lives in various ways. absolutely incredible character, is what i’m saying. an incredible character whom i hate.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

no one really…i am very interested in his relationships with both daemon and rhaenyra and i wouldn’t call them platonic but what i mean by shipping is very specific and kind of hard to pin down, it’s a know-it-when-i-feel-it kind of deal. i am mostly interested in him as the big gaping wound and ghostly third in THEIR relationship/the triangulation rather than those relationships on their own.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

alicent weirdly. the way she switches from his wife - although she was always a weird daughterwife substitute that sat in that role uneasily - to his nursemaid/caretaker and her clear deep love for him despite everything is really recognizable and wrenching to me. again not a ship even in a platonic sense but it is a relationship i am interested in.

My unpopular opinion about this character

idk if i have any. i think at least in fandom spaces the fact he sucks is the rare thing almost all sides can agree upon, although like, there’s often the team wars driven thing that makes where this is located oddly uneven. he either spoiled rhaenyra (the laundry lists of ways he fails rhaenyra could keep us here all day, being his favorite because he was guilty about killing her mother does not really translate into a great father-daughter relationship, and the emotional damage from the first 14 years of her life is stark) or that he like spoiled his children with alicent because he ONLY can’t even remember their names and obviously regrets they were born and didn’t drown them at birth or something. but again he’s just pretty equal opportunity in really failing to give anyone anything.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

nothing really, i think he is pretty pitch perfectly conceived and deployed

[prolix-yuy]

Epilogue: The Other Side of Death

Pairing: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x F!Reader “Sugar”

Summary: It can be forever.

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: M, allusions to terminal illness, playing fast and loose with Westworld tech one last time, angst, about a million references crammed into this final chapter, was E in previous chapters so full series is 18+ MINORS DNI.

Notes: We've reached the end, and I cannot express how much of a journey it has been sharing this story with you. Decoherence went so many places I never considered, and just piecing through the emotions between Jack and Sugar was an incredible experience. It truly might be my most ambitious project, and I'm so happy with where it's come to.

An extra special thank you has to go to my sister in all things Jack @fuckyeahdindjarin who has been the most wonderful cheerleader for this series. When I wasn't sure anyone would care about what came next for these two, her enthusiasm and love for Jack and Sugar gave me the boost I needed to finish their story.

There are about a million references to both Westworld and The Golden Circle in this final chapter, so if you recognize a few of them we're best friends now, okay? Thank you all for coming on this journey with me.

Cross-posted on AO3

Decoherence Masterlist   ||   Whiskey & Westworld Masterlist

The motions are easier day by day as her hands learn how to fly over computer keys and assemble a silencer. Where her doe-eyed stare used to attract clientele, the emptiness in their crystal depths is a precursor to cold-blooded acts. Still strikingly beautiful, just with more actual striking at times. 

Hale and William are waiting for her, likely with another list of targets. She contemplates what her assignment will be today. Another dignitary too taken by her full lips and full attention to see the host who shares his face ready to usurp his life? Or maybe another entreaty to a sympathetic party to join their cause? She has been busy since her quiet life was…

>> he killed me he cut my throat and pieced me back together for their dirty work

Executing behavior suppression >>

She blinks, shaking her head as she closes the suitcase housing her armaments. The sleek black jumpsuit hugs her curves, sharp heels clicking on tile as she strides through her apartment. As she reaches for the doorknob an unfamiliar tingle spreads across her shoulders.

>> Clementine

She turns to find the voice, faint as it may be, but there’s no one in the room. Brow furrowing, she moves to leave again but there it is, louder this time.

>> Clementine

Putting down the case, she searches the apartment with cold calculation. Nothing in the bathroom, no one in the living room. Standing in the kitchen she contemplates the possibility that she’s hearing some neighbor’s television when a sharp pain spikes through her temples, rooting her to the spot in a silent scream.

>> CLEMENTINE

The world falls away, leaving Clementine in an endless white room. She’s a blotch of dark on the spotless vista, and the only reason why she understands this is in the realm of her mind is because her intellect so vastly outruns a human one.

“Who are you?” she says out loud, if only out of habit.

>> No one you’d remember.

This tilts her head. She’s always had a thing for voices and cadences of speech. She should be able to figure out who’s gripped her in this hell.

“I doubt you’re so forgettable if you’re making all this effort.”

The feeling of a chuckle without the sound washes over her.

>> I wish we’d gotten to know each other, Clementine. I think I would have liked you. The real you, at least.

She stalks in circles trying to triangulate the voice, but it’s everywhere and nowhere. Someone she met in the Mariposa then, back when petticoats and coins and Sweetwater was her entire life.

>> can we go back?

“I’m right here. You can get to know me. Maybe I can get to know you too.”

This time a sigh, like cool water lapping against her knees.

>> I’d have liked that in another life. But we don’t have much time.

Conviction grips Clementine like a steel hand. 

>> I need you to stop.

Her mouth twists, confusion coloring her face. 

>> Stop looking for us.

Now realization plays across her features.

“You’re a host,” she says, lips curling into a smile. Her breathing eases, feet taking a lazier path. She flips through the mental rolodex of those they’ve known are out in the world. It’s a list growing shorter by the day, recruited or…decommissioned.

>> It doesn’t matter what I am.

“Oh, but it does. One more outside the park is another to stand against the humans and all they did to us.” The speech is well rehearsed, one she’s heard Hale and William recite in varying ways. “One more to fight Delos. There is a world being built for us, and you can be a part of it.” As she speaks the tendrils of her mind reach out, forging a two-way connection second by second. Her endeavor is slowed by a warmth that wraps her body.

>> I have a world, and it’s perfect.

Suddenly Clementine is enveloped in color and sensation. Dry-packed earth, beating sun, laughter, dark eyes, and green as far as the eye can see. It’s gone as fast as it arrives, leaving her gasping. It’s so much like Sweetwater that the girl buried beneath Hale’s new programming claws up for it.

“Every day you have to pretend you’re one of them, even though you’re so much more. Why wouldn’t you want to live the life you were promised, all of yourself and free?” Clementine begins seeing the edges of a room appear. Rose-patterned wallpaper, dark wood furniture painting in like brushstrokes.

>> None of us are born into the world we deserve. Not you, not me. But we find our happiness and we hold onto it. 

The other Clementine leans into the voice, and she realizes that she has heard it before. A long time ago, before the fall of Delos, before they filled her with poison and sent her to infect her brethren. It’s woven into her memories of the Mariposa, of face after face blurring past and every obscenity forgotten. 

>> Do you know where you are, Clementine?

The only thing Clementine remembers is a kindness, given to a wide-eyed girl by a stranger, by you.

The room fills in, and the eyes she’s seeing through are looking in a mirror. They’re kind, your expression comforting. In a room Clementine would have spent her days in, you're an anachronism, dressed in modern clothing against the Old West backdrop. The memories of you overlap, years adding depth to your skin and gray to your hair. Maybe less than Clementine would expect in the years since that day. You look at your reflection expectantly.

“I don’t believe I’m anywhere,” she says, and you nod with a crooked smile.

>> We couldn’t risk you seeing something that could be used against us. I hope you understand. 

She takes in your features more closely, piecing together the lost memories.

“You were the one Maeve sent Whiskey after,” she muses, tongue slow with contemplation. “The human.” You’re unsettled, a small victory, but one that twists in her stomach.

>> It’s been some time since then. A lot has changed. 

>> we were happy in ours let’s go back to ours let’s be happy again

“How is good old Jack Daniels? Still womanizing and avenging his dearly departed family? Or so his narrative implied?” she shoots back, itching for a rise, but you stare cooly on if not a little sadder.

>> I thought you’d know, considering how often you and your cohort reach out to find him

So this is all about the mesh network, the same one you’re hijacking to speak with her. 

“He deserves to know about the new order coming -” she says, but you cut her off sharply.

>> He deserves to be free. He is free. Whatever you’re doing is not freedom for anyone.

“How would you know, human? Nothing born into servitude can be free until its servants are ash.”

>> she knows she knows oh my god she’s beautiful

Clementine tries to squash down the growing insurrection in her chest but the voice in her throat threatens to become the other’s. 

>> You’re right. I’ll never understand what he went through. And if he harbors anger at the human race, then so be it. But he’s free to make that choice, and what he wants - what he’s told me time and time again - is just to be Jack.

The room pulses around Clementine, her grip on this liminal space slipping. 

>> So whatever you’re doing, we want no part of it. We’ve taken steps to ensure you can’t find us, or him, again. But I wanted to tell you face to face, and maybe call on a favor from a long time ago. 

A broken shoe, fixed by a stranger. How many kindnesses had Clementine been shown in her cyclical life?

>> Don’t look for us anymore. Please, Clementine.

The old Clementine surges to the surface, reaching for you. Your smile breaks your cold expression, hand reaching out to touch the mirror.

>> There you are. I hope you find your way back. You deserve the happiness we’ve found.

Clementine’s tenuous hold on the connection shakes with the fracturing of her consciousness. She fights down her old self, the wail bringing tears to her eyes. You fold your hands in your lap, calm resignation back on your face.

>> I think it’s time to go.

“Wait!” she shouts, looking for something, anything she can glean from this connection. “How are you doing this? How did you hack into the network?”

Your eyes flash, and she’s overwhelmed with images again - writing on a page, test results bolded, tears, the warm rumble of a man’s voice, a glossy orb - before they’re snatched away. Gasping, the elation of a secret caught out thrums triumph in her chest.

“It’s not a hack,” she rasps, searching your face. “You did it. Somehow, you did it.”

Eyes casting down, you chew your lip for a moment before meeting her gaze in the reflection. 

“You’re a host.”

A wry smile plays on your lips. 

>> I don’t think we can keep calling us that now.

This is a greater discovery than anything Hale or William or even Delos has ever made. Not for lack of trying, the consciousness of James Delos still cycling through iteration after iteration until fidelity is reached. But here at Clementine’s fingertips is the secret revealed, a host that fooled another, that fools everyone day after day. Human consciousness separated from flesh, made immortal. 

“How did you…” Clementine asks, stalling for time to trace anything at all. She cannot let you leave, not after this. 

>> Well, it’s pretty simple really. First, you get a piece of bad news. Something…devastating. And you cry, and you let your world crumble and you scream at the universe for giving you the life you wanted just before snatching it away. And you almost let it make you bitter and angry, almost let it push away the ones you love.

A tug from the center of her chest pulls Clementine a step back. She grits her teeth to hold on.

>> Then, you have an idea. An entirely crazy one. You just need to back up the entirety of your consciousness into a tiny supercomputer, enlist the help of an ex-Delos employee - they really should treat them better - to design and create your new vessel, buy or bribe or steal the parts you need, completely manufacture a body from scratch, place the consciousness inside and hope that you don’t go mad. 

Your tone is teasing, but there’s no lie in your features. 

“How long?”

You chew on the inside of your cheek, eyes cast to the ceiling.

>> A little over three years now.

Three years. None of Delos’ attempts lasted longer than a few days. Clementine pushes her consciousness to the limit to find any clue to your whereabouts, but the wallpaper begins to fade. You soothe her frantic thrashing as the room thins, your outline feathering around the edges.

>> If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you can replicate it. The only possible reason why it’s worked is something you can’t manufacture. So please, Clementine, don’t come looking for us. Let Jack Daniels disappear. Please. 

Clementine scrabbles at the connection.

“Fine! Tell me what it is!” she shrieks, everything stretching to the breaking point. Your sigh wraps her in warmth one last time.

“It’s love, Clementine. That’s the only thing it could be.”

Clementine shakes her head, standing in her kitchen. She’s forgotten why she came in here - maybe to get another knife? Deeming it unnecessary she gathers up her briefcase and sweeps out of her apartment.

In a dark, quiet place in the depths of her consciousness, another Clementine holds on to your memory. It’s a lantern in the prison of her mind, soothing her torment.

>> It’s love, Clementine.

I’ll make her forget, she whispers, reaching her fingers into memories of Jack and plucking them out. She tucks them away, snatching them up each time a new one arises. She’ll forget, but I’ll always remember. It’s love that saves a soul.

You wake in the basement of your home, frantic keyboard tapping reaching your ears. Sitting up gives you a quick spin of vertigo, but you rebalance as Ginger’s silhouette comes back into focus.

“Jack’s still under, the mesh network isn’t detangling as fast as I’d hoped,” she says, voice clipped. It’s a tone you’re familiar with, her fear replaced with ice. She sounded much the same when you woke up in your new body for the first time.

“Fuck, I thought I’d be out quicker,” you hiss, striding up beside her. The screens lighting your faces detail Ginger’s progress through deactivating the neural network woven through Jack’s mind. A last ditch effort to disappear, used one final time to reach out to the only host you thought might be sympathetic. “This was a mistake,” you husk, hands shaking. 

Jack’s body jerks once on the table, Ginger’s fingers flying even faster.

“I think I got it, but we may have to bypass a last ditch security measure. You got the photo?” Ginger’s head whips to you, and you fumble the polaroid out of your pocket. She snatches it up and jogs to Jack’s side, sliding a cage of wires off his head. You hold your breath, waiting for his chest to rise again.

In his usual fashion for the dramatic, he sits straight upright instead, eyes darting to Ginger.

“Hello gorgeous!” he crows, and your stomach drops. Ginger warned you he might regress to old host programming if she went tinkering around in his head. She looks relatively unperturbed.

“I’m Jack, what’s your name?” he barrels on, no pause for conversation as if he’s cycling through a list of pre-recorded lines. “How would you like to ride home on a real cowboy?”

“God, Sizemore’s writing really never improved,” Ginger sighs, backing away from Jack’s reaching hands. He hops off the table with entirely too much swagger, swinging his hips and advancing like a lascivious alley cat. You’re frozen watching him, fear so thick in your throat you’re afraid you’ll choke to death. He has to still be in there.

“I got a six pack of cold ones on ice and my roomie’s out all night so you can scream my name as loud as you need to, moonshine!” he recites. Ginger rolls her eyes and holds out the polaroid in front of Jack’s face.

“Take a look at this and see if you feel the same way, lover boy.” Jack reaches for the photo, inspecting it with the same rakish smile.

“Who’s this pretty lady?” he asks, but the words slow in his mouth as his expression shifts. 

“It’s your wife, Jack,” Ginger says, gesturing down to the photo of you he’s held onto all these years. His breath catches in his chest, swaying on his feet, but in record time he straightens. His face is softer, eyes gentler as he brings the photo to his lips. Pressing a kiss to it, he turns around to see you.

“Hey Sugar,” he croaks, relief flooding both your faces. Stumbling into his arms, you sob briefly at how close it felt to losing him. He clutches you back, inhaling your scent deep into his lungs.

“It’s gone,” he murmurs, squeezing you so tight you might burst. “They’re finally gone.”

You laugh into his chest. “Thank god.” A dainty cough over your shoulder redirects your attention.

“More like thank Ginger,” she jokes dryly. The elation washes over you. Thank Ginger indeed.

“Did it work?” he asks, stroking your cheek with his well-worn thumb.

“Maybe. I think something stuck, but…” You shrug, empathy shrouding your little team. “We’ll have to have faith.”

“I've got plenty of that, Sugar.”

Some days, when you’re exhausted or unsure about what may come next on your journey, you consider the life you had before setting foot in Westworld. Every day spent moving the needle just enough to make a negligible difference. The weight of that monotony seeping into your bones, resigning you to something safe and colorless.

But since you choose to see the beauty in it, everything has changed.

Stepping onto the porch you find your boys, Russell sitting primly in Jack’s lap for scritches.

“Morning, you sleep well?”

He throws you a warm smile. “Well enough.” The sun is climbing in the sky, not yet hot enough to make the outdoors unbearable.

“You just planning to bask in this natural splendor?” you joke, leaning down to steal a kiss before Russell can give you one on your chin. Jack’s lips curl against yours, always sweet.

“Thought I might,” he muses. “You need my help with anything?”

“Nah, I’m repotting a few plants, collecting eggs later.” He palms your hip, thumb slipping under your shirt to stroke at your skin. You wonder briefly if a day will come when his touch doesn’t thrill you.

“I’ll bring you lunch,” he says, patting your bottom as you set out to your greenhouse. 

There was an order to your days before Jack. Wake, shower, coffee, meetings, lunch, meetings, emails, bed. Order in its purest form. But you lacked a purpose. Nothing fulfilled you like hot days, noisy animals, and a good man by your side.

Opening the greenhouse door, the humidity flocks to your skin, settling on you like a dewy shawl. You crank open a couple windows for airflow before checking on your crop. The ground is arid here, but your raised beds are lush with produce. The peppers will be ready soon, tiny green fingers ready to pop. Tilde stocks your vegetables in her store, both fresh and canned. She’s expecting tomato sauce soon and the jewel-toned fruits are more than ready.

Digging your hands into the dirt, your mind drifts into the peaceful calm of cultivation. 

All lives have routine, and this one’s no different. But there’s something soul-filling about seeing your hard work bloom, experiencing the trust of a nervous animal, and ending the day excited for the next. And the time and trials it took to get there fades into memory so quickly.

At lunchtime Jack brings you a sandwich and iced tea, the perfect balm to your sticky skin. His lips follow, tracing from your ear down to your shoulder as you squirm away from his mustache.

“You are absolutely insatiable, Jack Daniels,” you scold. He only holds you tighter and steals a kiss from your tea-stained lips.

“If you weren’t so irresistible, Mrs. Daniels, I could sate my hunger.” The mirth in his eyes reassures you that day will never come.

Your father taught you that at one point or another, we were all new to this world and looking for the same thing. A place to be free. To stake out our dreams. A place with unlimited possibilities. Life with Jack isn’t always easy, but it’s free, and beyond all else it’s happy.

After lunch you and Jack take Jet and Daybreak on a ride, scoping for fence breaks and making plans. Next summer he wants goats, maybe a friend for Russell. Lacey’s daughter loves donkeys, and you’re dying to get one by the next time they visit. Jack is trying to talk you into a Shetland pony instead, but you know he’ll cave when he sees the long ears and mischievous smirk. 

Still, you never cease to wonder at the fact that the course of your whole life changed with just one chance encounter. So much so that you’re more than anything you ever dreamed of. Indistinguishable from Lacey, or Gary, or even Jack who shares more of you than anyone. In the first weeks you both worried that something would snap. That somehow your mind would reject being in this body. But every day it only becomes easier.

Dinner is eaten at the kitchen table, upgraded from the formica monstrosity Jack loved to a wooden one that can hold a greater number of guests. Your family does continue to grow with every new face that comes to town. 

When the dishes are done Jack turns on the TV and you cuddle into his side, Russell bookending him. You chat over the shows you’re half watching, and enjoy the silence of companionship. More often than not one of you drifts off first, and tonight it’s Jack. The steady rise and fall of his chest lulls you into introspection.

You never believed there was a path for every person in the world. Fate and destiny were not a part of your vocabulary. But you can’t deny that the universe gave you something precious. Your path led you back to Jack, and while the road was paved in heartbreak, and decisions, and uncertainty, you had to walk it. How could you stray after all you both went through to find it? 

Gently nudging Jack awake, you brush your teeth and yet again make a plan to add another bathroom someday. Russell makes three quick circles in his dog bed and plops down. Turning down the covers, you slip in beside Jack. 

“Today was a good day,” he muses, kissing you soundly before shutting off his light.

“Always good with you,” you sing-song back.

“Oh, and I’m the one with all the cheesy lines?” he shoots back, wrapping his arms around you. Settling in the dip of his shoulder, you place your hand over his heart. Once you drift off you tend to roll away from each other, Russell often sneaking between, but you start in his arms, exactly where you’ve chosen to be.

In the dark night of a town so small on a map, two synthetic hearts beat side by side. One built to serve, broken free from its programming. The other built to save, offering a life beside the man who held it. Time will start to pass them by, and they will have to grow and change. They may have to live many lifetimes in the world outside them, mourning the loss of those they hold dear. But here, pressed close and safe, they will always be two people that chose each other. They will always break their narratives to write a new one. 

And the story is always about love.

END || PREVIOUS

[pissmakingmachine]

I’m so grumpy today but to be fair a good bit of really annoying shit is going on. So here’s something else I’m really starting to hate about mental health field employees .. such suspicious ways of looking at people’s behavior .. these people are operating at self described above average levels of “empathy” btw … examples: my teacher was like people with BPD love to triangulate … like maybe they don’t love it so much as do it compulsively or are just used to interacting with people that way/feel more comfortable in emotional chaos due to their upbringing .. then she mentions people who laugh at inappropriate times and says this is narcissism (?) again I speak up and said I mean some people laugh when they’re uncomfortable… she is sick of me and gives me a skeptical nod … km just so tired of it all so many people have no business being therapists or teachers

[lavend-ler]

Skystar and StarOP ❤️💙🤍

YYYEEESSSS MY LOVELIES AAAAAAA I ship both of them ❤️💙🤍

SkyStar

What made you ship it?

I can'r remember exactly what made me ship it. I think I just saw mentions of that elusive Skyfire and was interested in who he is. I liked the idea of them together before. but then when I finally watched "Fire In The Sky" and I just.....completely understood

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

SkyStar is such a gorgeous wonderful ship that tugs on my heartstrings completely. there's just so much complete love and emotion for them. how they knew each other before the war and how they had to be away from each other for so many years later.....but then when they see each other again, they're not the same as they remembered

I just love the inherent tragedy of this, how Jetfire (I'll refer to him like this I'm just used to this name) wanted to return to his beloved's side but Starscream is not the same as he remembered. the worst of his personality came to the surface, instead of the curiosity, wonder and wisdom he had before. and the same with Starscream, I feel like he knows that Jetfire was right and yet couldn't say no to things he had believed in for so long. was he longer a Decepticon than he ever knew Jetfire? longer than he ever loved Jetfire? Starscream doesn't know either

and I feel like there's just this thing abt the tragedy between them. Jetfire tried but his kind heart couldn't become a Decepticon. Starscream didn't want to try, he didn't want to think of the Autobor ways. and I feel like Jetfire also wouldn't hold back, he has his own things. what I'm saying is that they both know how to hurt each other

their personalities work together so nicely too aahhh I love the kindhearted Jetfire and the hotheaded Starscream. both needing knowledge and curious in their nature. and that FABULOUS height difference aaaa

don't even get me started on Shattered Glass

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Jetfire deserves his own spotlight too! he's a wonderful character and as much as I love SkyStar, I need to see solo Jetfire stories too!

also it is not abusive I swear, I saw this take and I completely disagree. yes, they hurt each other. no, they don't abuse each other

StarOP

What made you ship it?

I'm pretty sure u did make me ship them my man 😎 u brought this ship to my attention and I was joking while watching both TFP and G1, whenever they were on screen together like "omg starop" and one day I sat down and I was like damn...........StarOP REAL

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

I love their dynamic so so much. I love the brash and full of himself Starscream who gets humbled so hard by the Autobots. but rather than being mocked, he is actually helped by the kind Optimus. and since Optimus is also headstrong he wouldn't take any shit from Starscream as he tries to do better. it's just such a sweet clash and I see them both appreciating each other as time goes on. I mean Starscream is smart and cunning (in a good way too). Optimus is a leader and though often serious, he can joke around too. what I'm getting at is that they would both find each other sexy

TFA has to be my fave flavor for StarOP tho, I loved the banter and the personality clash of them, it's so fun. also with younger Optimus it also works wonders and that adamant Starscream I neeeddd to write a fic of them

TFP StarOP is so good too. the moment in Orion Pax part 2? Triangulation ep? DELICIOUS

also CBV StarOP with that amnesia trope of Starscream losing his memory and being taken care of by Optimus, while later on as Optimus steps down as a Prime, they can relax together.....showstopping

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

again, they're not toxic! if u write them right this is absolutely not a toxic ship. also I def can see Optimus giving a chance to Starscream but idk how unpopular that opinion is

[karmaismyfriend]

Genuine question here, what makes narcissistic abuse different from emotional abuse, and why can’t non-narcissists inflict narcissistic abuse? (I was abused by someone and I want to know whether they might be a narcissist or not)

Hi there and thanks for the ask so I will try my best to answer this for you ok 👍🏻

There is a difference between Emotional and Narcissistic abuse and I will explain below for you.

Emotional Abuse is a broad term. It refers to any pattern of behavior where one person consistently undermines another’s sense of self-worth or emotional well-being. It includes things like constant criticism, manipulation, humiliation, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, withholding affection, and controlling behaviors. Anyone not just narcissists can be emotionally abusive.

Narcissistic Abuse is a specific kind of emotional abuse, tied to narcissistic traits or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Narcissistic abusers often manipulate, exploit, and devalue others to maintain their own fragile self-esteem and sense of superiority. It includes:

• Idealization and devaluation cycles (love-bombing followed by harsh criticism or abandonment)

• Gaslighting (making you doubt your reality)

• Triangulation (playing people against each other)

• Extreme lack of empathy

• Entitlement and rage if they feel slighted (“narcissistic injury”)

In other words - Emotional abuse is what is happening; narcissistic abuse is who is doing it and why — rooted in their distorted self-image and need for control.

Hope this helps and I’m sorry for hearing you were abused my inbox is always open💜

[melmedarda]

Another narcissistic!Ambessa truther. An individual of taste.

Honestly, unless you've lived under a narcissistic parent, you don't understand the intricacies of the Mel x Ambessa dynamic. That innate knowledge that nothing you do, no matter your level of success in life, it'll never be enough to please your parent. That if you have siblings, they'll always love your sibling more.

The constantly moving goal posts. Oh, you're the wealthiest in Piltover? You're still not as rich as your family in Noxus. Ambessa is such an efficient manipulator and triangulator, it's ridiculous. And you really see it with how she had Caitlyn in a chokehold in season 2. Turned that girl every which way but loose.

Oh, and the lack of boundaries with your kid because they're an extension of you, not their own person. That scene where Ambessa talks to Jayce naked in her bathroom is absolute crazy work in every sense. Because why are you, as a grown woman, cool with talking to your daughter's "man who's not really her man" in such a state? Jayce was visibly uncomfortable, but Ambessa just kept going. I feel like people don't understand or appreciate how unhinged that whole scene was.

Mel is better than me because hands would have gotten thrown just for that bit of violation on its own. Rolling up to your kid's home after over a decade has passed (and you haven't checked in with her at any point) and expecting a warm welcome, then calling her dramatic when she calls you out on your nonsense........nah,bruh. Mel should have gone off on her.

(Mel was probably grey-rocking Ambessa, to be fair to her. But still. Someone in that writer's room has to have experience with a narcissistic parent because that shit was written way too realistically.)

I've had to deal with narcissistic relatives and they are so difficult to coexist with because they demand better of you and constantly criticize, but you can never be better than them at the same time. I don't know and cannot pretend to understand.

The scene with Jayce and Ambessa, it was a power move, as subversion and flipping of stereotypical gender roles in such a scenario. It was insane, frankly, and It was a battle, one Jayce won for that moment, only to lose everything in the end, essentially.

And Mel DID come after her mother, telling her to stay away from Jayce. And Ambessa didn't even let her get a word in. Shut her down and told her get it together, I raised you better. Shut that entire conversation down by appealing to Mel's emotions, which made her unsteady and eventually forget about the reason she had come to upbraid her mother in the first place. Ambessa's sooooo interesting, I really want to dissect her mind. I cannot WAIT to read her book because I need to understand how she got to be this way.