#i love ''person A gives person B a new name'' as a concept i realize i dont employ that nearly enough with my ocs

[sableprince]

nobody else has made times and galaxy ocs yet. somebody has to do it. i guess.

no text versions under the cut

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Space-Time Continuum [Hotch x Reader]

Photo credits: Left (@everydayschristmas) Center (@masterwords) Right (@happyheidi)

Prompt: Aaron and the reader take down the last of the Christmas decorations. As they work and spend a relaxing afternoon together, Aaron realizes he wants to ask the reader to move in with him and Jack. 

Pairing: [established relationship] Aaron x fem!Non-BAU!reader. The reader uses she her pronouns 

Category: fluff/comfort 

Word Count: 4.4K

Content Warnings: mention of Haley’s passing, implied intimacy. If I missed any, please let me know. 

A/N: Hi loves! Here is another fic based on the amazing @imagining-in-the-margins January/February Writing Challenge about New Beginnings. This story is inspired by the dialog prompt: “The time will pass anyway.” This is pure domestic fluff. I can just imagine Aaron looking forward to asking you to move in with him. I hope this story warms you up as winter keeps wintering. If you like this story, likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated. If you’re starting school (uni) next week, or you're already back, just know I’m proud of you! Love Levi - ❤️

List with all stories 

_y/n_ = your name

_y/f/c/b_ = your favorite caffeinated beverage 

_y/f/c_ -= your favorite color 

_y/f/s_ = your favorite scent  

_t/c_ = tea or coffee

_y/f/c/b_ = your favorite caffeinated beverage 

_y/f/p/b/s_= your favorite perfume or body spray 

_u/sf/d_= up, straight forward, or down (depending on your height)

_f/b/c/m/m_ = your favorite book, coming, manga, magazine 

_y/n_ woke up warm. Aaron had his arms wrapped around her and he was already half awake. He murmured, “Moring.” _y/n_ smiled into his chest and replied, “Good morning. Have you looked out the window yet? The weather said it might snow overnight.” Hotch shifted in the bed and sort of repositioned _y/n_ to his left side while he used his long muscled arm to pull the curtain on the window to the side. _y/n_ could have done this herself, but she wanted to bask in the warmth of Aaron’s broad chest just a moment longer. After a second Aaron said, “Well the weatherman was finally right. It snowed. Still is actually.” _y/n_ hummed to see for herself. Outside small flurries gently fell from the side and to the frozen pavement three floors down from Hotch’s apartment. It looked like about five inches had fallen overnight. _y/n_ was very grateful that it was the weekend and that she and Hotch could sleep in for a bit longer. They could also let Jack sleep in too. When _y/n_ and Aaron had gotten serious, Hotch’s son had taken to _y/n_ quickly. Over time when she started staying over more often, not just on the weekends, she’d started getting Jack ready for school if Hotch was rushed to get to the office for a case. Then _y/n_ dropped Jack off at school for the first time and they’d sung songs in the car on the way there. Aaron was so relieved that Jack and his partner had bonded. It warmed his heart that _y/n_ loved his son so much. Even though _y/n_ was younger than him, _y/n_ had great parental instincts and often spoke to Jack when he threw a fit or got into trouble as well as he would. _y/n_ was very good at putting difficult concepts into understandable, neat packages. It was one of the things Hotch loved about her. If they had a fight, or needed to talk, he always had her full attention, and if she didn’t understand where he was coming from, she tried to see it from his shoes. That was something he’d never been great at in his personal life. After a moment of quiet, _y/n_ sat up and asked, “So, what are the plans for today? I hope they don’t involve a lot of going outside.” Hotch chuckled, knowing that _y/n_ didn’t love dealing with the cold and snow. Aaron stretched giving _y/n_ a small peak of his stomach and elastic of his briefs for a second. Aaron cleared his throat and said, “Well I need to shower first. But one thing that’s been on the list forever is taking down the Christmas tree and decorations. It feels overdue.” _y/n_ nodded. The tree had been up for some time after the holidays. Neither of them had had time with the return to work bustle. Then Hotch had been sent to cases back to back and had been too exhausted to think about it last week. But not that he was rested it felt like as good a time as any. _y/n_ nodded and said, “Sounds good. We can figure the rest out as we go. I’ll change, start breakfast, and get Jack up while you shower, okay?” Aaron smiled and replied, “Sounds great, _y/n_.” 

Under the hot water, Hotch lathered his body with soap. As the foamy lather rinsed off his body and down the drain, he contemplated how relaxed _y/n_ could be. He appreciated that she didn’t have to have every second planned. He’d had to do that more at work recently. There had been a threat to national safety and the team had made it in time, but Strauss was still slightly unimpressed with how long it had taken the BAU to take down the threat. He had started seeing things in timed chunks and thinking about efficiency, even in his personal life. He didn’t enjoy the feeling. But _y/n_ was a reminder that it didn’t have to be that way at home. It was doubly admirable because _y/n_ had stress in her life too. Stress with family, and work, and friend, and her crappy apartment that was literally falling apart. It wasn’t the same kind of stress he faced, but it was still stressful, and Aaron admired her ability to put those things aside and still see life with optimism and happiness. After a few more minutes under the flow of water, Hotch turned off the tap and stepped out of the shower. He dried off and wrapped a towel around his waist. He moved over to the sink to wash his face and brush his teeth. 

_y/n_ heard the shower start running as she quickly made the bed. She made sure the sheets and comforter were neat and tucked in at the corners. She then moved to Aaron’s closet and grabbed a comfy outfit for the day. She settled for some soft leggings and a _y/f/c_ shirt that she layered under a knit cardigan. As _y/n_ pulled through her clothes in the walk-in closet, she realized how much of her stuff had migrated to Aaron’s. At least half of her wardrobe now resided in Hotch’s space. It had been a slow transition, but once Aaron had bought her favorite _y/f/s_ed body wash, hairspray, and sanctuary products, it was pretty much an invitation for her to start getting more comfortable in his space. And boy was his space more comfortable than her leaky, small,  cold, old apartment much farther from her job than Aaron’s. _y/n_ smiled knowing she was so welcome here. Even if she didn’t get to spend as much time with Aaron and Jack as she liked, when she was here, it felt just like home. With her outfit on, _y/n_ moved to the kitchen and started making the batter for some pancakes, eggs, and bacon. She woke Jack, and then Aaron joined them and they had a relaxed morning. Jack watched some cartoons, and _y/n_ and Hotch worked on a puzzle from Rossi from Christmas. In the early afternoon, they all started to work on taking down the tree. Aaron got the boxes from the closet and they all set to work. 

After an hour of work, Jack gave Aaron his biggest puppy dog eyes possible, and after a minute, Hotch said, “Alright Jack, what do you want?” Jack’s face burst into a smile, and the little boy replied, “Hot chocolate!” Hotch sighed. It was still cold enough out for a sweet cup of cocoa and it wasn’t too late for his son to have one more small sugar rush before naptime. With a fake look of defeat, Aaron said, “Well alright, but just a small cup. I can’t have you bouncing off the walls while we’re all trying to take down the Christmas decorations. Isn’t that right, _y/n?_"_y/n_ nodded with mock seriousness saying, “Of course. Dad’s right. Remember when you ate all of your Halloween candy two months ago? You couldn’t sleep and then you couldn’t wake up for school the next day?” Jack’s face took on a little frown, as he nodded yes. Aaron’s eyes moved over to _y/n_’s, and he gave her a smile that was just meant for her. Hotch got up from his seated position and said, “Let me see if we have the stuff to make it here.” Hearing this, _y/n_’s ears perked up, and she said, “Oh. We do. Or we did, but I used the last of the milk in my afternoon _t/c_. Sorry, Aaron. I forgot to put it on the list. I was going to run to the store later tonight to get stuff for dinner. Hotch didn’t mind and said, “You don’t have to apologize, _y/n_. I’ll just run to the coffee shop on the corner. Do you want anything?” _y/n_ grinned at his consideration and said, “No. I think drinking _y/f/c/b_ right now would have more than just Jack bouncing off the walls.” Aaron chuckled and said, “Alright. Well if you change your mind, you can text me.” _y/n_ nodded and tipped her head up and back, as he stood behind her and leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. He then moved to his son, ruffled his short dirty blond hair that always reminded him of Haley’s. When Hotch was at the door, _y/n_ called out in a clear voice, “Be safe on the roads. I’m not sure they’re all done thawing, even with the sun coming out.” Hotch replied, “You got it,” and then slipped out of the door. 

_y/n_ listened as Aaron grabbed his keys from the stand on the kitchen counter, then as the door swung open and clicked closed. Now that Hotch was gone, _y/n_ moved to the space where he’d been next to Jack. She could feel his residual body heat on the carpet, and it comforted _y/n_ to no end. Jack was reaching for an ornament above a level that his arms could grasp. Without saying anything, _y/n_ got up and picked the boy, so he could reach the ornament. It took a moment for _y/n_ to realize that Jack was crying now fully. _y/n_ set him down, got on her knees in front of him, and wiped away one of the tears coming from his eyes. _y/n_ hadn’t expected this and asked, “What’s the matter, Jack? Why are you crying, sweetheart?” Jack sniffled and said, “I don’t want Christmas to end. I don’t want to go back to school. I don’t want you to leave.” As _y/n_ processed the emotions Jack was feeling, Jack continued in a voice obscured by a small hiccupy cry, “Why can’t everything just stay the same? Why can’t it be Christmas all the time?” _y/n_ didn’t fully understand where the core of these feelings were coming from, but she could agree with the sentiment. The week of Christmas had been so nice because they’d all just got to hang out and be together. The stress of work and the often boring tasks of cleaning the dishes or taking out the trash seemed so much less terrible when they were happening with Aaron and Jack. Sure, part of that was that she and Hotch shared the tasks and split things between them, but it was more than that. Just being with Aaron made life better. The small things felt alright when she was near him. It wasn't that she tried to hide anymore. In the early days of their relationship, _y/n_ had feared that the simple joy of being near Aaron would scare him away. After all, he was an intense man, but as it turned out, under all the suits and his tough exterior, he needed someone who cared for him as much as _y/n_ needed him back. Now, in front of Jack, _y/n_ tried to think about the right thing to say. She thought about her own experience first. The feeling of being jerked around sometimes with Aaron’s inconsistent schedule, and the constant danger he was in didn’t help either. _y/n_ didn’t talk about that often. What good would it do? She had slowly become content with praying or wishing him a safe return when Hotch told her he was heading on on a case. If it was hard for her, then it must be much harder for Jack, who couldn’t fully understand exactly what his dad really did. Not yet at least. Add onto that the fact that Jack had been in the house while Haley died. One hour his mom had been alive, and another, she was gone. _y/n_’s heart ached for Jack, as she said in a soft, reassuring voice, “That seems nice, Jack. I think I’d like that too. But that’s not how life works.” Jack sniffled and said in an angry voice, “Why can’t it? Why can’t it be nice all the time?” _y/n_ took the ornament from Jack’s small hands and quickly put it away before taking his hands in hers. She replied, “Because time, as mean as it can seem, knows what’s best for us.” Jack had such big eyes as he asked, “How? How is it good that we can’t have it be nice all the time?” _y/n_ bit the inside of her cheek and tried to think of an appropriate and understandable way to talk about the need for balance in life.

With a small breath, _y/n_ realized that she could use his candy incident as an example. _y/n_ cleared her throat and said, “Well, think about Halloween. Did you think you were going to like having all of your candy in one night?” Hesitantly, Jack nodded yes. _y/n_ replied, “Good. Do you think you’ll do that again next year?” The little boy shook his head, no, and _y/n_ smiled at how hard he nodded. _y/n_ ran her sleeve under his nose that was dripping and said, “Sometimes life is like that too. It sounds fun to have Christmas, Thanksgiving, and your birthday all back to back. It might even seem nice to have that happen forever. But once we have it a lot, or too much, the thing doesn’t taste or feel very good anymore. It just turned into another day or toy or sweet. But, if you just let time pass, then you get these really special pockets that mean a lot. Not that every day isn’t special, just that it’s good to have some normal ones too. Does that make sense buddy?” Jack stood still for a moment while he processed what _y/n_ had said. After a few seconds, he said, “I guess so. I just wish it didn’t take so long.” _y/n_ waited to say anything because she felt that Jack would say something more, and he did in a voice just above a whisper, “Mommy really loved Christmas too.” _y/n_ nodded and blinked back tears. She didn’t want to seem sad in front of him and make him cry again. _y/n_ leaned forward, taking him in her arms, and said softly in his ear, “I bet she did. I bet they were the best Christmases ever, but just because we’re taking the decorations down doesn’t mean you have to forget her. We can remember your mom every single day. Just like your mom loved you every single day.” _y/n_ could feel Jack nod against her shoulder. When _y/n_ pulled back, she asked Jack, “How about I pick you up and we get the last of these ornaments? Maybe you could tell me about some of the happy memories you have with your mom during Christmas?” Jack agreed, and _y/n_ helped him onto her shoulders and let him talk and remember. By the time Aaron got back, Jack was happy and animated again. Hotch walked into the room and smiled at the scene before him. The sight of _y/n_ and his son in the light of the Christmas lights still on the tree. Jack ran over to him and hugged his legs like he’d missed him a lot. Hotch smiled and said, “Your hot chocolates on the table Jack. Why don’t you drink it in the kitchen?” Jack smiled and said, “Sure Daddy.” The child let go of his father and moved into the kitchen on excited legs. _y/n_ who was still standing stepped toward him and kissed him softly. His mouth was still cold from being outside. His lips were slightly chapped, but _y/n_ didn’t care as she warmed them with her mouth. When they pulled away, Aaron reveled in the scent of _y/f/p/b/s_. He said, “Sorry I was so long. The light was out on the corner and there was a line almost out the door at the shop. _y/n_ smiled and said, “It’s alright. Jack and I had a good conversation.” Aaron raised an eyebrow and set his arm around _y/n_’s lower back. He noticed that all of the ornaments were off the tree and said, “How about we tackle the lights? I can take the bottom strand and you take the middle?” _y/n_ agreed and they set to work. 

Hotch sat down with a small grunt. They could hear Jack from the other room pull out his chair and sit at the table. _y/n_ and Aaron would go to check in with him in a minute, but Aaron wanted to take just a minute alone with _y/n_. These moments were rare these days with their busy schedules. Aaron started unspooling the lights around the bottom of the tree. He looked over at _y/n_ and asked, “So? What did you and Jack talk about while I was gone?” _y/n_ gave him a little grin and said, “Oh you know, just the inevitable, unstoppable march of time. I don’t think you’d understand it. It’s adult stuff.” Hotch, chuckled, the sound came deep from his core and reverberated up his chest. He shifted around _y/n_ to continue removing the lights and said, “Well I’m willing to learn, _y/n_. If you’ll teach me?” _y/n_ smile grew. She loved it when Aaron played the bit. Hotch being more than a few years older than her had worried _y/n_ for a while. They wondered if the differences in culture and knowledge would make them an unequal couple. A couple set up from scrutiny. But, as it turned out, age was just a number when you were both that in love with each other. Out in public, they did get a few stares, but Aaron’s practiced glare worked well on everybody, so _y/n_ didn’t worry. Over time, _y/n_ had started joking about their age gap much to Hotch’s amusement, like they were doing right now. _y/n_ cleared her throat and said in a mock educational tone, “Well, I told Jack that you can’t have all the nice things at once. You kind of have to spread them out so they become more enjoyable. Life gives us lots of nice things, but an equal amount of mundane things. So the highs and the lows feel big, and we need to enjoy them and understand them as much as we can.” Aaron let out a breath. He loved the way _y/n_ spoke about everything. Condensing ideas into little ways of understanding like he did with information in a case. Even if it was just silly banter, Aaron loved it. He loved all of _y/n_ and a realization he’d been contemplating for some time now, clicked. 

Gently he said, “Well that was quite an analysis. Thank you. I think I understand the space-time continuum much more clearly now.” _y/n_’s clear laugh washed over him like a shooting star. He stopped with the light strand and said, “Mind if I add to your lecture?” _y/n_’s eyes glistened as she nodded yes. Without overthinking it like he did most things in his life, Aaron said, “Yes, it’s important to highlight the big things. The weddings, birthdays and holidays. But there’s pleasure in the small things too. Seconds make up minutes, which make up days that go on and on forever. We only have so much time in those moments. So who you spend them with becomes pretty important if you think about it in that context. Who do you share that time with.” _y/n_ looked at Aaron with wide eyes. They wondered if this was happening right now, in early January. _y/n_ wanted to be at eye level with Aaron and sat next to him. _y/n_ asked, “What are you saying, Hotch?” _y/n_ needed to hear it from him, to know they weren't making this up. It was important because as relaxed as _y/n_ was on time, she did value knowing where their relationship was going. And Aaron had agreed that they should move in together before progressing to a thing like a proposal. But moving in was the next big step for them. Aaron took in her beautiful curious face. He pondered how _y/n_ never could keep her emotions at bay. How honest _y/n_ was without even having to try. He smiled and said, “I want you to move in with me, _y/n_. When the time is right and you're comfortable with it, I’d like you to live with Jack and me. I want to spend all my time when I’m not working with both of you. Does that sound good to you?” _y/n_’s face lit up and she had to stop herself from laughing because Aaron looked so serious, and _y/n_ felt like she was swimming in a tub of serotonin. _y/n_ pulled Hotch to his knees and into a tight hug. _y/n_ looked _u/sf/d_ at the love of her life and said, “Of course, I’ll move in with you both, Aaron. When I’m here, I’m home. I’ve felt that way for about a year, but this makes it official. Aaron Hotchner, I feel more at home here than I’ve ever felt in my whole life.” All Aaron could do at hearing _y/n_ say something so special was to kiss her forehead and say, “You make this house a home, _y/n_. You have no idea how much joy you bring here.” _y/n_ traced a hand down his shoulder and to where Aaron’s heart was steadily beating in his chest. The rhythm of the muscle kept track of each second they stood in each other's presence. The idea of being home, made _y/n_ think about Jack’s comment about her leaving, and _y/n_ said, “Speaking of Jack, he was afraid that I might go away. I think maybe we should tell him about this. I think he’ll be happy.” Aaron’s brow furrowed slightly and he repeated, “Jack thought you were going to leave.” _y/n_ brushed a hand over Aaron’s knuckles and replied, “Something like that. But I think that’s more of a long conversation we can have later. Once he’s in bed.” Aaron nodded just a tiny bit. Jack’s happy behavior and _y/n_ saying they would talk about it later allowed him to relax and believe _y/n_ was right. This conversation, whatever it was, could wait. He did want to let his son know that _y/n_ was going to be a more permanent fixture in their lives going forward. 

Jack was ecstatic at hearing the news and _y/n_ pulled him into her arms and said, “I’m not going anywhere, Jack. I’ll be here for you and your dad for a long time to come. Aaron moved behind his son and embraced both of his greatest loves. That evening, after a lengthy conversation about Jack and making sure Jack felt the most secure as possible, Hotch and _y/n_ moved to bed. As Aaron stroked a hand over her naked back, her body was pressed to his under the covers. He kissed down her jaw and the ghost of stubble rubbed against _y/n_ skin. She made small contented noises, and his hand traced lazy circles over her back. Hotch asked in a bit of a husky voice, his thoughts more on the feel of _y/n_’s skin under his fingers than his statement, “Would you send me a copy of your lease tomorrow? Maybe I can find some loophole to get you over here more quickly. I want all of you here.” _y/n_ shifted up onto her elbows, giving Aaron a better look at her bare body. _y/n_ smiled and said, “Sure love. But I think even your JD is going to have a difficult time getting me out of this lease. My landlord was such a pain when I renewed for half a year instead of the full twelve months.” Aaron smiled and said, “We’ll see about that, but I think there are more pleasant things to think about right now, don’t you think.” _y/n_’s eyes gleamed with desire in the dark space as she said, “Say less.”

It wasn’t until the next weekend on Saturday that Aaron had the time to look over _y/n_’s lease. They were sitting in his office in the field office. Aaron’s long sigh had _y/n_ look up from her _f/b/c/m/m_ and say, “Is there no way out of it?” Hotch ran a hand through his hair frustratedly and said, “Apparently not. That is unless you want to pay the last two months' rent plus interest without a chance of you getting your deposit back.” _y.n_ cringed at the idea of how much money that was.” Aaron looked up at _y/n_ and she seemed disappointed, but not crushed. He said, “I was hoping to get you out of there sooner.” _y/n_ leaned closer to the desk and took his hands in hers saying, “The time will pass anyway. It’s just two months and the important thing is I have you. I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.” A smile tugged at Hotch’s lips. He appreciated how differently _y/n_ interacted with time. Aaron was used to tight timelines and all-nighters on cases. Aaron reflected again about how _y/n_ saw life. Even though she had her moments of stress or insomnia, just saw time as a thing that happened. She saw the good and the bad but chose to focus on the good when she could. Like the fact that she was moving in with him at all. She didn’t complain that she would have to wait to have that dream come true, because the dream was in front of her at all. Aaron hoped that with _y/n_ living with him, some of _y/n_’s view of life would rub off on him. He hoped to just see things as they were. To accept the good and let go of the bad, even in cases. With _y/n_ and Jack by his side, that didn’t seem so impossible after all. He’d take it a day at a time. As _y/n_ had said, “‘The time will pass anyway,’” and it was going to be wonderful to pass it with her.

______________________________________________________________

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[callibones]

UM HI HI HI ITS ME. 🩸🟪 AND I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU I AM VERY SORRY!!!

this week ive been exceptionally busy. a lot of stuff has been piling up for me with university and work and it didnt really give me a lot of time to look at tumblr OR read the fics! ill get to them! i didnt forget i swear ive just been EXHAUSTED this message is just being pulled out of my ass since i didnt expect to write to you today so i dont have any topics planned to ask you about. i didnt wanna take the time to think of something because i didnt want it to seem like i was ignoring your poast (despite the fact you wouldve never known if i had seen it or not .. but MENTALLY i'd feel bad, you know?) but uh. yeah

i don't know how people talk. um. how are you? has your week been particularly busy? what DO you do outside of tumblogging actually .. im curious

OH AND ALSO i very much appreciate the backstory info you gave me on callibones. i MIGHT take inspiration from it for my fanart? maybee? and uh i will send that to you SOON! very soon. i guess in the meantime id just wanna polish it more before sending it to someone out of like. principle?

i looked through your friends blog.. i like the concept of a blood bag person thing. there were probably better ways of saying that but IDK!! once again though i think it is Extremely Drawable so i have a small request ..

and regarding CALCIFER .. i think i would appreciate a deity to deity chat. or an potential acolyte to deity chat or I Mean Ha Ha. and those pronouns are Pretty Cool if i do say so myself! im worried directly sending in an ask would be strange so since you said you were friends with them can you parrot my question? i rlly wanna know whether drawing fanart of their OC is okay. sorry what else. im going to try and plan my next correspondence out ASAP so ill probably go through the cedardivine post before the post you made with a ton of fics? just because the list is shorter. idk what ill do after that--maybe ill rank them or something and you can tell me how wrong my opinion is or something Haha! just kidding im always right. i create new truths as we speak. as im typing this im overwriting just a little bit more of the world's knowledge. im just cool and awesome like that. theres nothing else i can think of at the moment to ask you.. OH UM when you mentioned callyris i realized "hey wait dont i know a blog called that" and Look Who It Was! so thats neat i also think i found another blog that may be under your posession but i dont think i can ask about it at the front desk.. so when i message you in some other manner ill probably ask you about that! who knows i might even be Completely Wrong

well anyways sorry for the delay. it will probably take a while longer for me to compose my thoughts so the delay will continue but. idk. i hope this message isnt TOO INCOHERENT but again i am not proofreading at all for this one.

also im definitely using gooby forever now. thats great. what a peculiar phrase.

GOOBY!!!!

hi hi hi hi! i took a million years to get back to this so NEVER apologize or rush about sending me things. anon asks r a tough way to communicate cause i dont got an online indicator for u so i just gotta guess... and u dont got a notification for me! i hope u see this even tho its been a bit.

ive been busy too cause university's also piling up for ME. i'm gonna respond to this one first, and then i'll take a crack at your mysterious coded message! and then i have to do a million homework because grad school. outside of tumblogging im trying to destroy the world with the infinite power amulet, so i'm majoring in general supervillainy! and also urban planning

for the blood bag: @rigormarcy LOVES fanart. marcy, if u see this, respond with your ref, 'cause you have a super drawable OC! the fans wanna draw u so bad. So Bad.

u found another blog that might b me? omg.... here. how bout this. send me an ask with just the name and i wont publish the response. if youre REALLY curious. but youre probably right, because i invented every blog on tumblr GOOBY

[lordfreg]

Hi! I was wondering if you could share with us b&b Mikey dating headcanons if you'd like ofc!

Have a nice day and here is a cookie :]

🍪 <- for you

OMGGGGG absolutely anything for you anonymous user 🧡🧡

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good

-he absolutely ADORES you! Would give ANYTHING for you!

-He loves to give you gifts, as well! Anything he could think of, it’s there. Mention you want that pretty necklace? At your door. You wanted a small bracelet? Done and done. Baked goods? His specialty.

-He’ll absolutely PAMPER you with everything he has! Love, affection, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time and much more!

-Mikey is ALWAYS down for cuddles. But if you don’t want too, he’ll respect your personal space and try to love you from afar.

-expect texts every morning and night, just so you don’t forget how much you mean to him! If you’re being negative about yourself, he’ll kiss all that doubtfulness away💖

-he’ll ALWAYS try and take you out on dates. Wanted to see a movie? No problem! Snuck you in. Wanted to go to the zoo? Ninja-ed you into the exhibits to see the animals up close! Wanted a food they where sold out of? ….don’t ask what he had to go through to get this for you.

-he’s LOVE anything you make for him. Supper supportive of anything you want to do! Art? Lemme give you ALL the tutorials. Writing? I have a bunch of books we can spend time together reading! Dancing? You already KNOW we’re hitting the dance floor every night

-he likes to call you pet names a lot; usually one of an animal like “bunny” or “doe”. He also likes old fashioned names like “sugar”, “dearest” and “babydoll”. He’ll call you “doll” or “doll face” a lot so prepare

-he absolutely LOVES to hold you; he likes being small spoon but his shell can get in the way. (Dw, it’s dull and not spiked too much). His favorite positions are ones were he can just watch your face, and easily place kisses all over your face. He loves to shower you in kisses!!

-he’s honestly the most lovey dovey one of the group, and is MORE then willing to talk about problems in your relationship then any of the other boys (except for Leo lol). If you see an issue, he will change immediately. Because he loves you so much🧡

The Bad

-this dude is ALLLLLLL over you all the time. He just always wants to be touching you

-dude doesn’t listen either, you’re going to have to explain to him why you don’t want to be touched, or how constant touching is over barring. He still won’t understand and just assume you don’t like him anymore :(

-Mikey will talk VERY publicly about your relationship, any part, and will not hesitate with details. Your his, why should he worry about people?

-he’ll say things like “I know that you don’t really love me.” and “It’s okay if you think I’m a hideous freak.” You’re going to have to CONSTANTLY validate him

-he’ll tease you SO MUCH, to the point of bullying. He doesn’t grasp the concept of having sensitive feelings (despite him being sensitive himself) and will just relentlessly pick on you

-Mikey will just randomly bite you out of nowhere. “Gah! Why, Mike?!” He’d stare at you and say, “I dunno, just felt like it.”

-he’s really insensitive to your feelings in all honesty. Mostly because he doesn’t realize that he’s supposed to be nice and take your feelings seriously. He doesn’t quite grasp how much your dog really meant to you, and doesn’t understand why you can’t just get a new one and by happy

-Mikey wants you to be happy and will do ANYTHING to ensure that you are; even doing risky things like shoplifting or bribery to get you anything and everything you want or need.

The Ugly

-he’ll DEFINITELY get possessive over you, and how much time you spend with his brothers. Not saying you would replace him, but he’d rather not take that chance

-Bro has the DIRTIEST minds of all the brothers, ALWAYS taking things the wrong way and making the worst jokes about it

-Before you started dating, he would follow you home and leave mysterious love letters in your mailbox

-he’d follow you on EVERY social media and like every single one of your posts; downloading every image of you or your face/pets/family/whatever else you post

-not to say Mikey would KILL over you, but he’s been thinking about cutting off that connection with Casey a lot…

[baku-bowl]

broke 1,000 followers (the fuck? I don't even make content people), so decided to write up a list of some (but not all, I'll make other lists later) of my favorite Bakugou-centric fic recs. my tastes run towards hurt/comfort, as you'll probably figure from the list. if there are some Baku-centric fics that you've enjoyed that aren't on here, please add them - this is definitely not a complete list of the ones I've read and love, but I'm always up for some recs. <3

fair warning, most of these are wips.

------------------------------------------------

Social Media 101 by WindsChild8178

Part 1: Survival Guide to Fucking Up

[Solely Bakugou’s point of view]

Katsuki Bakugou doesn’t have a gentle bone in his body. He’s aggressive in everything he does and does everything with 100% of his heart in it. After the Sport’s Festival, Katsuki starts to get harassed by strangers for his unheroic demeanor. It starts with letters but it doesn’t end there. The moment Katsuki realizes the harassment has entered dangerous territory and he needs to tell someone, it’s already too late.

Part 2: Post Traumatic Life Disorder

[Point of View opens up to Bakugou, teachers and classmates]

When the Dorms are finally built, everyone is settling in well, but things become tense as people begin to realize something isn’t right with the recently rescued Bakugou.

[Cannon compliant right up to after the License Exam]

hands down my favorite fic in the fandom right now. it’s the one that converted me into a Bakugou lover. if you have any fondness for Bakugou as a character then it’s likely you’ve read this one already, but if not, I can’t recommend it enough. incredibly depressing, but with the hope that comfort is coming soon in the next few chapters.

The Kids Will Be Alright, Eventually by NotWithThatAttitude

Bakugou is spiraling in the aftermath of Kamino and his friends are starting to notice. He's stubborn, aggressively independent, and less than willing to dig into his past, but after a breakdown that ends with a painful secret revealed, he starts to get help.

Whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, a new kind of villain threatens an uneasy peace following the loss of Allmight. Whispers build as a new narrative slowly takes shape:

Hero society needs to change.

Feat. Therapy, Dadzawa, best boy Kirishima, dysfunctional families, healing, growing up, and the mortifying ordeal of being known

guys.. the medical accuracy of this fic is just... *chef’s kiss*

I rarely see mental health genuinely handled well in fics, but this one goes above and beyond. kudos to the author for doing such excellent research into psychology, and making the application of it in here not-boring. also, while this one does have abusive!Mitsuki, it’s done in a way that feels realistic, and how I usually will see it occur in real life, rather than just for the hurt/comfort feels.

fair warning, the fic can be incredibly triggering (themes of severe depression, PTSD, panic attacks, rape survival, abuse survival, suicidal ideation/attempted suicide, among other things), so be safe and heed the tw’s if you decide to read. legitimately one of my Top Favorite fics in this fandom.

Lock and Key by autochorystalize

Bakugou made a choked, gravelly noise before croaking out a low, “You can’t be serious.” His fingers ached to blow up everything in the room.

“I’m sorry, young man, but you can’t change reality! This sometimes happens.” Recovery Girl clicked through his file, adding a new symbol in a previously empty slot.

- - -

A pair of eyes discreetly locked on to an explosive blond plowing his way forward, parting people in his path. He recognized the kid, of course. Anyone in the underbelly of society would recognize him, after the publicity of both UA’s Sports Festival and the events leading up to All Might’s fall. The uniform he was wearing cast away any doubts about the young man’s identity.

It was a bit of a surprise that the little firecracker presented as an omega.

- - - - - - - - -

Or: there are certain types of evil that seemed too distant, archaic violations and perversions that would never actually threaten bright-eyed heroes-in-training in the clean, modern world...but sometimes those evils aren't as distant as one might think.

remember when I said that I love a/b/o fics that are full of plot and world-building and gender-induced tension? that’s this one. the OC’s are fabulous and you love to hate ‘em. also, it’s the fic that made me fall head-over-heels for the TodoBaku dynamic, so it’s got a special place in my cold, dead heart. 

be warned, there are rather explicit non-con scenes between an adult (OC) and a minor (Bakugou) in this one, but the author warns for them in advance, and you could likely skip those parts without missing too much if you need to.

Never and Always, Eventually by Wawa_Boonliang

"Katsuki can remember the exact moment that he and Deku…that he and Midoriya Izuku became friends. He can also remember the moment he and Izuku became fierce rivals, a time when they were almost enemies.

However, what he remembers most clearly about their relationship is the moment that they moved passed rivals and became something more close than mere friends. Something more like brotherhood, something forged in fire and secured in the middle of a battlefield or in the midst of natural disaster where the number of the dead was climbing ever higher. And then it was torn from him."

Katsuki is given a second chance. A chance to save everyone. A chance to change everything.

But should he?

y’all. I’m a slutty, slutty whore for time travel fics. a time travel fic with autistic!coded Bakugou? it was love at first read.

Lessons Learned by Sif (Rosae)

Rather than the police station, Katsuki's friends bring him to a hospital after rescuing him from the villains. His wounds were minor, but it didn't make having them treated any less important. As it would so happen, Best Jeanist was also brought to this hospital after the attack.

Sometimes, small choices have a big impact on how a story plays out.

classic Bakugou hurt/comfort. this fic opened me up to the potential that could be a genuinely good Best Jeanist & Katsuki mentor-mentee relationship, and I kind of dig it and search ravenously for it in other fics now. I’m also a huge fan of the behind-the-scences Pro Hero Chat group.

Slope by sunfleurmoon

“I’m not a hero. Or a good person,” Katsuki says, giving Aizawa a pointed look, “So leave me alone. I don’t care about the League or UA, or you—” The two years he’s been away have been fine, more than fine, fucking fantastic actually if you ignore the bi-monthly near-death experiences. He doesn’t need this place. He doesn’t miss this place.

And yet, longing, a childish desire to tear up, or maybe blow something to bits, they all twist in his chest like a band of traitors regardless. “—I just want to go home.”

Or: the one where Katsuki and Izuku fail the first term exam, Aizawa discovers their pasts, and Katsuki is booted from UA. Featuring questionable descriptions of villain organizations, a slightly illegal moving shop, and your favorite emotionally constipated badass in distress with a newly discovered penchant for collecting strays.

paaaaaaiiiiiiiin. the hurt is ALIVE in this one. lots of tortured, angsty exploding child goodness. the OC’s are excellently crafted, and the Bakugou & Eri relationship? beautiful. definitely deserves a read.

Ground Zero by WindsChild8178

In the wake of Kamino, Katsuki is tested more than anyone could imagine. Bound by a villain’s quirk to keep his silence or die, he lives each day knowing it might very well be his last. He continues to work towards becoming a hero, keeping his secret from his classmates and teachers, focusing on making it through each day and trying not to allow the panic or depression to get the best of him. When the villain finally corners him with demands in exchange for his life, there is really only one answer Katsuki Bakugou can give.

honestly don't know which I want updated more - social media 101 or ground zero. this author's fics are amazing, and I really wasn't expecting the twist in this one. can't wait for windschild to come back to this fic some day.

The Defect by LadyGreenFrisbee

"Why do you want to win the Sports Festival so badly?" 

Because I want to see if the defect could usurp the masterpiece.

(In which Endeavor holds a terrible secret and Bakugo has to suffer since childhood for it.)

a great concept, and I adore the shouto and Katsuki sibling interaction here. hoping the author will come back to this one some day.

A Name That You'll Remember by Heronfem

Kirishima Eijirou is a Hero. Bakugou Katsuki... is not. Trapped in his toxic workplace and increasingly desperate to get out, Red Riot's days are only brightened by a new villain known as Caution, who's not exactly villainous and keeps accidentally doing good deeds. But when a real villain appears, a threat from the past that demands that Red Riot make the ultimate sacrifice to keep the public safe, Bakugou is forced into saving the day... and eventually, Red Riot himself.

sob story good guy villains are my weakness, this fic is a gem, and I'd kill for the sequel.

Our Hero by AnonymousTwit

He felt everything jerk to the side and throw his balance off before he saw anything, dust clouding his vision and irritating his lungs as the earth itself opened up to swallow them whole. For a single moment, in a millisecond's time, his wild eyes locked with Raccoon Eyes', hers alight with fear and adrenaline-fueled desperation. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized that it was the first time she'd looked at him with something other than long-deserved hatred in days.

And then he was free falling.

Or

After a particularly nasty encounter between childhood friends, the class learns about Bakugou and Midoriya's dark history and practically ostracizes Bakugou while trying to defend Midoriya. An earthquake during an outing has all sides regretting their decisions.

just fucking tear apart my self-sacrificing faves in every way imaginable while their loved ones watch on in terror. 💖🥰💖 this one is heavy on the Bakusquad and Class-1A feels, and VERY heavy on the Mina & Bakugou relationship (platonic).

Running back the tape, watching it replay by Faralyne

For someone ripped from their time, ripped from the few but strong relationships built by time and personal development, by self-reflection and swallowed pride, ripped from the one thing that made him feel worthwhile and needed and put-together, and forced to forge everything over again—Katsuki thinks he is handling it pretty fucking well.

Or

A villain’s quirk sends a 29-year-old Bakugou back in time to his middle school days.

am I a sucker for time travel? yes. am I a sucker for vigilante!bakugou? also yes. am I a sucker for this fic? literally refreshing the page in wait for an update as we speak.

Liability by sandelf

After All-Might dies rescuing Bakugou from the League, Bakugou is determined to prove it wasn't for nothing.

But the world is against him, his grief is overwhelming, and his stability is splitting at the edges.

very self-indulgent bakugou angst. tw for harassment, severe depression, and suicidality.

Special Mentions:

How To Win The Sport Festival: A Step By Step Guide by mhwright

Short re-imagining of the Sports Festival Arc if Shinso had planned a little better and worked a little harder to win the Sports Festival and if the match-ups had been slightly different. Self-indulgent fic of watching him succeed.

this is completely Shinsou-centric, not Bakugou-centric, but I love and adore it and am dying for a sequel. Shinsou is Best Boy here and you'll be rooting for him the whole time.

[aeempress]

Apritello Express Evidences, part 3

Apritello, my dear friends, is really all hints, devil in details, little pieces that, in the end, become a huge picture.

I can't say that there are a lot of episodes with April and Donnie spending quality time together, no. But all episodes are important to understand how their relationship are involving, growing. If you have sharp eyes and think about all of this even a little bit, you will be surprised how gracefully their relationship changes and grows, how characters evolve.

Dear passengers, we're about to start. Mind the gap!

Episodes “The Gumbus” and “Mrs. Cuddles”. 

I think it would be appropriate to analyze these episodes in bunch, because they have common situations of spooky supernatural stuff and reactions of characters to this.

When you watch these two eps in raw, it's easy to see how alike are reactions of Donnie and April in some scary, really odd situations. 

Adrenaline ‘n’ reclessness

April is really into all spooky things in “The Gumbus”, she's not afraid of some creepy stuff and she's really brave girl who easily copes with stressful and life-threatening situations.

Donnie is incredibly calm and collected when alive doll talked to him.

But still, April was frightened about plush rabbit because it was really unexpected for girl, she wasn’t ready to realize that plush doll that she’d worked with is alive fear-eating monster who will hurt and intimidate to get their precious screams. But point remains: Donnie and April share crazy fearlessness, which turns into an adrenaline addiction.

And here I am, a science guy, who tell you: adrenaline is a big deal for our body. This hormone can even provoke an onset of romantic feelings. Chemistry and anatomy come to fill the gaps: when a person is afraid, their pulse quickens, a cocktail of hormones is releasing into the blood, which sharpen the senses and reflexes. It will create a strong emotional bound, that's important for maintaining romantic kind of feelings. The more impressions there are (even negative ones), the higher the chance that person will remember his|her partner, and want to see them again – the body gets hooked on adrenaline, like a drug.

That’s why D&A have so strong, unshakeable boundaries. They are so alike: their attitude to scary things, the way Donnie and April cope with them, the adrenaline addiction their share. They even express feelings the same way.

And one tiny detail: April and Donnie start the teasing Raph for his fear of mrs. Cuddles. So they become the first victims of plushie.

Friendly reminder: they were the 1st victims, and what’s happened with them we don’t know, because it wasn’t shown due to not ruin the atmosphere of suspense.

But we have a beautiful quote of mrs. Cuddles and this precious shot which explain everything

Raph: Where’s Donnie?

Cuddles: In a happy place where he’ll scream and I can grow forever and now you’re gonna join him!

In a happy place, huh? Tied up with April in Splinter’s bedroom, a really happy place. Hold a sec, are they -

And after that Donnie’s responding is killing me.

Donnie:[OS] I'm afraid of togetherness.

Yep. All normal here. We should continue.

"Operation Normal" even though doesn't show a lot of interactions between April and Donnie, however continues the general outline highlighting the topics that were mentioned earlier in the show.

Firstly, April's relationship with her classmates. We're able to see how poor her scholar life is in "Hypno Part Deux" and "The Purple Jacket". She has no "normal", human friends except some strange remora guy, more like acquaintance than friend, though. But still, having "be normal" kick she's fine with Donnie's weirdness ( Mikey is always beyond all normal comprehension, Raph goes weird while he's alone, without brothers, and his fear of miss Cuddles is no big deal to fam, Leo didn't show any weird stuff during the series, like, reeeeal weird, m'kay?).

Conversation between April and Donnie at pizza spot

Really interesting and smooth scene. We’ve got Donatello who stares at April while he’s waiting his favourite pizza, no big deal.

And his legs.

If a person is interested in you, during a conversation, they will put their right foot forward (a left-handed person is more likely to put their left foot forward) in order to close the distance between you. - Check.

being in company, peson will point the sock at the most pleasant interlocutor for them. - check.

April’s legs are ponted at Donnie. Checkmate.

Yeah, April is hanging out with Donatello and Leonardo, but the main focus of hers is on Donnie. 

All these scene makes me think that Donnie, knowing about how badly sometimes April  wants to be normal, is up to help her overcome this. Fight fire with fire:  fill up her life with all of this weird, mystic stuff so it will be normal with time. Regular people go to pizza spot to spend some quality time together, so we have pizza restaraunt here, in Hidden City. Make all odd normal, and problem will solved.

Donnie really tries his best, look at his face. Dee’s fine with all this bizzare things what happens to April, he’s fine with her. But still he fails, because April’s concept of normalcy differs drom Donnie’s.

And again, for Donnie it’s not a problem at all. He’s always was at the opposite side of normalcy and it doesn’t matter for him if April is in the same boat with him. Cause, as I said, Don’s fine with that.

Second, how much Donnie knows about April.

- Scoff! Are you really still on this whole "I want things to be normal" kick?

- Yes, what big city girl doesn't have a kayak and has hazmat suit?

Interesting detail here: this line launches Donnie’s flashback (because the first scene is from “Purple Jacket”, it’s Dee’s episode, obviously). And Don, as far as I can tell, has in his flashback moments with April when she did something reaaally impressive. His face is way more louder than any words.

- Short answer: no. Long answer: nnooooooooo.

- Oh, no! You know how April freaks out around the cosplay wizards!

These tiny lines are containing a lot of background, stories, intimate conversations that April and Donnie share. This show always does the same trick: we never see a direct action, we are only able to see a result or statement of the result. But series do a great work telling us with such small and imperceptible gestures that their bonding at this point is mutual. Not only D tells April about his inventions, family and fam's issues he has and even his falls, mistakes and failures. April does the same thing, sharing with Donatello one of the most important things to her. Problem that really bothers her.

C'mon, he'd even memorized Sunita's name, though April messed up with this situation a bit. It seems Donnie memorizes facts about April - he remembered the wi-fi password from old April's work as we can see in "The Longest fight" (he could hack it easily, he's a genius, why he's been keeping in mind some piece information that useless for a year? It doesn't make any sense)

Oh, and that. Just a coincidence, I guess?

Just alike suits, no big deal. Plus, the whole family has it (and something tells me that guys have suits at the behest of Don, so probably April does). But Donnie and April has a lot in common like emotional expressions, reaction about some kind situations, fight style and even tastes in fashion.

Also, it seems like Donnie's been watching April for sometimes.

While Leo was hiding in trash can, to not catch anyone's eye rather than April. He definitely couldn't know who was passing by, but there was Donnie to observe from above. That's why he was hanging down the stairs when Leo spoke to April.

It’s not the first time Donnie dress up as old lady to monitor April’s day.

Leo: Why do you always make us dress up as old ladies? Donnie: №1: confort, №2: to blend in as we monitor April’s day for max normalcy.

 3. Even when D took away this cosplay wizard, he's still keeping eye on her.

Oh no, you don’t. Grandmas here!

Donatello changes his foe to save April exactly. He fought all evening with Brutus, but when April slightly gets in danger, Donnie just attacked anyone who has intention to hurt her and ruin her evening.

Is that a flying turtle in an old purple dress?

April, who all evening was trying to look “normal”, hiding her real friends because they are mutant turtles and pretending that nothing unusual happens here, finally gives up when Sunita mentioned Donnie. Even though new April’s friend has asked her before about Leo.

His eyes. 

Donnie is really impressed but what he saw, and the reason - April O'Neil.

The episode "Warren & Hypno, sitting in a Tree" is another incredible piece of whole picture.

Turtle tank is decorated for April birthday in purplish scheme, definetely Donatello's work.

Dee's nonverbal speech.

• He seems more interested and softer than usual looking at April. It's easy to say comparing him with brothers. Mikey is in anticipation of fun mode, Leo relaxed and show his "whatever it will be fun" attitude, Raph is listening carefully, but still, Donnie could just turn his head in April's vouce direction, not a whole body.

• Warren felt Don's gaze while talked with April, so worm made the remark. Pay attention to the construction of the frame of neighboring scenes. The second frame is April's perspective. And Don is looking namely at her.

Indignation. Disappointment. Spark, storm, madness (i love this russian meme, sorry not sorry)

• Donnie seems sincerely sorry for this situation with April's b-day. And again, this soft gaze and "Raph, shut the shell up, your nonsense is upsetting her"-eyes.

• Donatello is kind of person, who’s avoiding a proper confrontation, so he rarely stands up for someone.  He were remaining silent, when Raphael tried to cheer April in the most radiculous way, but when Hypno tried to play with April’s feelings, Donnie blew it. 

He’s obviously in wrath as D emote that expressively. Yeah, he had much on his plate at April’s birthday, but it’s her b-day on the line, not his pride.

Warren used April, playing with her fan feelings. Her idol betrayed her, she was locked up in a cage, and now we have Hypno who wants to use her again by pitting and pushing for her compassion, because, it’s obvious - boys would do everything she said. 

And Donnie tries to keep Hypno away from her, protect her feelings from another betrayal. 

As he’s already stated - “For you, anything”.

The show always tells us: if you wanna trigger Don, bring April in. 

Hypno tried to turn this thing around, Leo did the same in “Al be back”. 

If Hypno-tamus did that accidentally as he found out that April O’ Neil is a birthday girl, so her wishes that day were laws, Leo did it on purpuse.

Leo is good at manupulating and pulling some strings, plus he knows his twin as back of his hand. That’s why Leo mentioned April in the end as she was always the most powerful argument, the reason and motive for Donnie. At second he’s even panicked, but remained calm. He almost blew up his coolheaded image because of one certain girl in yellow.

• Donnie is really happy to present Warren's arm to April. He even holds it like a rare, priceless treasure. D is really proud of himself right now: he saved the day, after all. The emotional reaction of hers is exactly what Donnie wants to get. And then, his final pose, while April is on 9th cloud from happiness - that's really territorial gesture, D claims his supremacy and confidence, telling "See? That's my happy birthday girl".

Leapfrog with a composition

Donnie and April are more and more eager to be together in the frame. Composition’s boners, m’kay.

Special ride for April

Yeah, Donnie used to offer his battleshell to give April a special ride. It even has  a seat and handlebars for her comfort. She can control the flight as well as Donatello, they are like co-pilots. But he never carried her on his back before.

Usually, April is carried by Raphael, on his neck/shoulder, and she’s fine with it. Raph is strong enough to carry her without any difficulties or slowing down.

It’s not Donnie’s weak to carry her - no, he strong enough to carry his battleshell with a lot stuff in it everyday, Don can carry Splints on his shoulder without any apparent difficulty. He strong enough to hold the weight of his battleshell+April. Oh, c’mon, D assembled the Turtle tank only by himself and this for sure requires a lot of physical strength in order to engage in auto mechanics. Try lifting the wheel with tyre, and you'll see what I mean. Of course, there is a jack, but it will not solve all the problems. Don could use hydraulics and Archimedes ' laws, but I'm sure he did most of it with his own hands. Lifting and carrying, all by himself.

Not the strengh what’s matter but another point.

The sequence where Donnie carries April on his back doesn’t last long, it’s pretty easy to miss, while Raph openly do that with April on him. 

Plus April’s gaze: she’s staring right at us with her “ninja-eyes” as if they were caught in the middle of something. The duration and length of the sequence, the way it is made all of this arouse certain thoughts. 

It’s like nobody should see this. Too personal. To be more specific - too close and intimate? 

Donnie stated a few times that he’s not into togetherness, tactile interaction and phisical side of contacts. Although he's fine with his brothers, don't forget that April is a girl. Even if she feels like part of family, she’s not his relative. She’s not his sister. 

Some people tend to avoid physical contact with the objects of their interest. And this behaviour fits in Don’s character. He’s anxious type with a lot of psychological and emotional issues. Yeah, he tries to cover it up, built a shell to protect himself, behave as confident extravert but he’s nothing like that. Sometimes D tends to distance himself from his family, to hide in his shell, and we've seen that throughout the show. 

Don hangs by his phone quite often, he addicted to this as his comfort zone, his peaceful cave, where everything is much easier,

Don pretends he’s so busy with his science stuff to ward off his brothers (ep. Mind Meld), 

Don went to the lab to work on his projects, while he could hang out with April and the brothers (ep. Mrs. Cuddles). And he left for what? To work on self-cleaning tooth pick, or the titan bust of himself? It’s seems like lame excuse to be alone. He’s definetely an intovert, who sometimes needs some space and time with himself. 

All his cocky behaviour is showing off to hide insecure, diffident and vulnerable creature, softshell purple turtle. Yeah, Donnie has confidence in what he’s great in: tech, science stuff, where he’s only one is capable of. But if someone steps on his domain or doubts his authority, his true colours exposed.

And, once again, “Mind meld” is a great evidence of that. Would callous, unsumpathetic guy without heart have a wall with pictures of his fellows? I’m afraid not. Donnie has a soft, caring heart.

There’s an alley of his the dearest moments, because photos - are always memory, precious moments we want to keep. 

1 - from “Minotaur Maze”. Don loves good pizza, loves his brothers, and they have a little adventure together. Yeah, this photo isn’t on champ wall, but still.

2 - from “Mascot melee”. Important day for bros as they show themselves to people at daylight to rescue Raph and their operation to buy a new robe for his father. It’s their joint brothers dance, and D is loving to dance, remember? Definetely special occasion.

3 - from “Mascot melee”. Splints was really glad to receive a gift from boys. And Donatello, as we know, is always eager to achive for pop’s approval. This for sure must be in his precious moments collection.

5, 7 - from “Donnie’s gifts”. He even keeps a dorky photo, which Raph uses as profile pic at Donnie’s number.

8, 9 - “Down with the sickness”. It was funny to survive all the 7 stages to achive what boys wanted. They failed, but still.

10 - from “Al be back”. Who knows that Splints is so good at singing?

4, 6 - from “The Fast and the Furriest”. Strange choice, cuz, you know, photos ten seconds before his collision with April bat?

And yeah, he HAS April’s photo here. And at this pic it’s April, and April alone,without his brothers. 

Don’s a real softie, see?

And avoiding physical contact is a way to protect Donnie’s already shattered self-esteem. To not cause any doubts in front of girl which he’s interested in. That’s possible reason why we did not receive any heartwarming hugs in “The Purple Jacket”.

But Donnie carries April, because it’s her birthday. On the one hand, the girl claims that  her b-day is cursed, and Donnie could, by any chance, do something nice for her, and on the other hand - any request of the bithday girl - is the law, as we could see earlier.

Gift for birthday girl

There is no Donnie in the scene after Draxum throw off Warren's arm. While Raph comfort April about her birthday, Donnie was looking for it to present it to April.

He knows the best what is the most precious gift for her. Warren Stone, her idol, goat of making news; she have been in Stoneheads fanclub for 9 years. Also, it seems that Donnie is the one of turtles, who collected info about this worm.

Also, he stopped immediately when April stepped between them and show no disappointing (remind you about Donnie's sadistic science guy nature). The reason is April.

And another cute detail: their glasses are the same form.

Another episode "Mystic library" has slightly touched D&A interaction. But were talking about Apritello, it's all hints but quality.

When Mayham trapped in the mirror and Raph, Leo and Mikey obviously are not coping, April decides to call Donnie to clear situation up.

Donnie, mister "I ruin everything", she's going to call for help. I repeat this. April calls for help Mr. Science to solve mystic problems with her pet. MYSTIC PET.

 And he AGREES.

Turtles dissuade their friend from calling Donatello but after a while, April returns with Donnie, and sees the bathroom in ruins.

I'm gonna clear this moment.

1. April haven’t called Donnie.

2. Some time later she returns with Dee.

3. Our girl is pretty shocked to see her bathroom in ruins, argo she didn't see/hear Raph chose to solve problem with smashing.

It must mean only ine thing: April went for Donnie by herself. We don't know where was he, we don't know what the reason April brought Donnie with her by herself, 'cause we know that if she call Dee, he will definitely get to her immediately.

Something is definetely off.

By the way, April changed Don’s profile pic.Yeah, the first one is very informative since Donnie is a turtle and he’s purple and he has bandana. Seems like April have done it by herself, editing the photo of real turtle. She didn't put a lot of effort into this, this image doesn't show her real attitude towards Don. But second is more personality-tinged. Sleeping Donatello in all his gear - this detail can tell us about only one thing - he was photographed when he fell asleep after his sleepless night(s) working hard at something - is something she can catch or receive by boys (namely speaking, it’s Leo, according to Ben Schwartz stated in an interview, that if Leo had an Instagram account, that 60 to 70% of his photos would be his brothers caught sleeping or slipping on things). And still. April has a dorky and little embarrassing pic of Donatello and this is... Interesting and cute?

This profile pic remind me about ROTTMNT: Sound off! (2nd issue)

The next station is “The Purple Game”.

Another episode in which the interaction of the characters is small in timing, but great in content.

And once again: they have a lot in common. I’d never tired of repeating this thing ‘cause the series do the same trick, showing one thing from different points of view. April and April shares the same taste in games, the same attitude, the same mojo. 

But the most important thing here is how D&A interacrions are shown in this episode. Unlike other episodes, the interaction here is indirect, is provided by gaming.

Their customized avatars reflects their personality. I mean, the colour schemes (though Donatello has never shown any interest in yellow, he used it for customization of his persona), the way their avatars looking. Game even refering to Sherlock_Corn as “she”, albeit it’s impossible to refer to her avatar in female pronoun. Because, you know, design and nickname?

And the in-game interaction of the avatars resembles D&A irl relationships. Bootyyyshaker 9000 don’t like togetherness, he’s looking like Donnie’s expectation of himself (cool and tough guy, as D sees himself in his own dreams)

Their dialogue

Actually. Actually, Donnie and April are not able to hear each other as game has no voice chat, but their lines make an perfect dialogue nevertheless.

April:Bootyshaker9000? Donnie? 

Donnie:April? You’re the last person I need to destroy to achive rank №1!

April:Ditto!

Both:There can only be one!

Donnie said the cheat combination, so April would know for sure what he is supposed to do, but she has no idea.

So, once again: their sync is incredible.

And can we talk about that?

April’s attack

As it seems, attacks may be customized by players. Bootyyshaker has attack that refers at Donatello main feature - superior intellect.

And this attack isn’t effective, because REAL April O’Neil has a resist towards it. She has known D for years, she knows what he’s capable of, she’s aware of his nerd side. April’s immune to it, so Sherlock_Corn is.

 Sherlock_corn has a default attack - kernel cannon. It’s nod to her nickname: kernel, corn, the same book. But her second atteck is something reflecting her personalitiy. Plus, April is aware of Donnie’s “fear” of togetherness. All’s fair in love and war, right?

April took a lot of BS9000 hp by her “friendly hugs”. And, by the way, his sweet reaction for hugs.

So:

The selection of the final opponent. It might be literally anyone, but we wouldn’t be able to see Dee’s obsession in that case. Yeah, he’s already had a  demon possesion ™, but it was too easy to him to win. No challenge. No “kill or be killed”, “It’s me or you” mojo.  He needed some tough gamer for challenging, to develop his character, push him too far. And  April, actually, is an excellent choice to reveal the character of certain purple turtle.To expose his true colours. And April do a great job: they know each other, so battle will be spicy, they are both compepitors, they are so alike, so it would be intersting to watch Donatello vs April. And it will, ‘cause In-game April and In-game Don is somewhat different than them usual.

April is Don’s slayer for sure. She’s good at gaming, her last attack was almost fatal for him. So he had to to cheated on her. 

Captain Cuddlecakes. Yes, she know about his afraid of togetherness. And there’s lovey-dovey attack animation with this cuddling and Donatello’s persona behaves like him. And it was SPECIAL RUN, so... I haven’t the foggiest why. Cute detail, I mean.

Just look at it.  Isn’t it cute?(at least we got their hugs somewhere... kinda. kinda.)

“Snow Day“, albeit  being family episode, shows a lot about D&A relationship through “family war”.

First of all, the same taste in films.   

Donnie’s already shown the same attitude to fashion, scary things as Cap O'Neil, April shares the same gamer’s mojo as Donatello, but now? We have Donnie and April that are loving the same movie.

For love of purple supernovas, of all the Jupiter Jim’s movies (and there are more than 60 of them), that's a convinient coincidence, they like the same movie.

It stated in series several times that Dee is fond of Atomic Lass. He had crush on her when he was child, he admires her by all his heart, so it will make sense if films with this character he would be his favourite. It’s logical, isn’t it?

Atomic Lass, even if she is part of JJ-universe, however, isn't in every movie. Leo described "JJ: Pluto vacation IV" and there is no sights of Atomic Lass. Like, at all. 

Nevertheless, April’s claimed that “PV-4” is the best movie of the time, and Don agrees. 

April:What the whaaaat? Hold up, Skip. “Jupiter Jim Pluto Vacation 4″ is the best JJ movie  of all time.

Donnie:Ranked, by us, just now. So it’s basically official, no arguing.

And they do this thing again. Reflecting each other. Facial expressions, intonations, poses and etc. Haven’t I mentiones that? Mirroring is natural way to build communication. People, who communicate enthusiastically, who have sympathy to each other, feelings of certain nature, unconsciously copy each other's poses.

Direct reflection and close contact have a strong effect. This is used between lovers, people with close relationships or interested in each other.

And you can see that during not only episode, but through the whole series. 

Poses, gestures, facial expressions they share constantly. Even if they are apart, they are mirroring each other, showing their bound. Because Apritello is not always about sitting close, holding hands and blushing. Apritello is about staying together even if they are not.  It’s about solid foundation, about synergy, about chemistry Donnie and April share. And all of these are not always so obvious and clear, evident. But so realistic nevertheless.

And that’s why they splitted off the fam - they are too close and alike. 

I stated it before but DonniexApril team is way more effective than Donniexbrothers team. Donatello and April are equal, worth each other. They are comfortable with each other, their teamwork is amazing. 

They are always near, close to each other for the entire episode. Stand up for each other, side by side. They have no need to do team-building, because their sincronization is incredible. April works well together with Donnie, their skills compliment each other. 

I love that April in a first place look at Donnie to check is everything alright.

And a cherry on top?

This inviting gesture. Donnie just watched all along how his brothers and April try to throw some cold water on this situation (khem, it slipped). But when April call him with this inviting gesture, he’d like to help. 

In other words, he was waitng when April requests for his help.    

Composition’s boners

Sometimes it happens during the show, but this episode beat hte score at this point. I say only one word: physics. Or, more precisely, the force of attraction. Or, maybe Mayham.

... Anyway.

Fitting in the type

April can play not so nice against her enemies, she got steady hand and meanness, merciless and reclessness. She’s passionate and kinda badass, sassy - in a positive way, she’s baddest girl who can kick your butt if you mess with her, and she really good at this. 

She has a fire, and Donnie likes that. Dee never stated that directly but miss O’Neil impressed him so many times and in different way so it’s kinda pretty obvious. 

Just look how Donatello reacted the way April took Raph down a peg. Her actions are elegant, relaxed but really sly. She almost dare Raph to put his flag on top only to bring him down to Earth in really painful way. She destroyed Bros’ team so easily just by waiting a bit and by calling Mayham. 

She’s definetely got some pepper.

Pretty cute but baddest, don’t you think?

And Donnie was impressed for sure, he admitted it - “That is fun for me”. He don’t even stand a chance, c’mon: she’s smarass and elegant, she can be mean and cute at the same time. 

Even though that’s it for season 1 analysis (the last series is more appropriate  to review as part of 2nd season, plus it was a reaally big post, I need some time)

You can refresh this whole situation in the car 1 and the car 2 or follow the hashtag #apritello express as you please. It’s a pleasure of mine, keep in touch :)

[brockadoodles]

morning flights to toronto - b. boeser

AN: I couldn’t give you too many Christmas fics without a splaaasshhhhhhhh of angst, that simply would not be true to my brand. Sorry fic Brock for how often I break you? But it’s okay because it’s just a character and not real hehe. Hope you enjoy this one, it’s a concept I really love.

Word Count: 2613

Warnings: Angst but a good ending I promise. 

A month and a half ago, if someone would have asked you what you were doing for Christmas, you would have smiled at them and told them you’d be in Minnesota, likely cuddled up by the fireplace with snow heavily falling outside, your boyfriend asleep next to you and your dogs at your feet. You would have told them how excited you were to go back to the place you had started to realize felt like your second home, a place where you pictured yourself raising a family, transitioning to a stage in life that you were starting to feel ready for. A month and a half ago, you would have been happily in love, instead of mending a freshly shattered heart during your favorite time of the year. 

You replayed the conversation in your head, circling over and over his words that echoed through your mind, wondering how you could have misinterpreted the signs for so long. You thought you and Brock were on the same page, you had moved in together, and had even adopted a second dog together, a husky mix named Milo. But it turns out, you weren’t on the same page at all you were two souls who had found yourself so consumed by the love story you thought you had that you ended up not realizing that Brock was still on book 1, while you had steadily moved to book 2. 

“I just don’t know that I see all of that right now,” he sighed. His head was resting in his hands and his eyes were blurry from his own tears that had started to fall as he spoke to you, a conversation that to him was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He loved you, that was never the problem. But sometimes, love isn’t enough to build a life with someone, sometimes you need something more than a connection that the two of you had. 

“Right now? Or ever?” You whispered, your own tears falling freely as you desperately wished for him to say anything but ever. You could give him space, you could give him time, but you couldn’t rationalize the idea that you had loved him in a way that he didn’t love you. You couldn’t accept that it had been one-sided, not when you were starting to build a life together. Brock ran a hand through his hair, his voice was scratchy from the dryness settling into his throat, the lump choking back his own tears as his voice pulled your heart out and tossed it on the ground. 

“I think we need to not be together right now.” 

That phrase struck you in a way that nothing else had before. It settled into your chest and pitched a tent there, a tenant that wasn’t paying rent who you couldn’t evict. You weren’t even sure it felt entirely real until you were sitting with him and having a serious conversation about moving out, and taking Milo with you.

You tried not to think about the reality of it all, losing a three year relationship seemingly in a matter of moments. It didn’t matter how long you and Brock spoke in circles that night, it didn’t matter what shape you tried to construct to fix everything and hang onto him, he was holding a box and you were holding broken pieces that didn’t fit. 

You were doing your best at what you hoped looked like starting over. You were trying to navigate finding yourself again after being so tied into one person, but it was nearing Christmas and as you sat in your friend’s sublet apartment with boxed of things around you that you and Brock had bought together and Milo at your feet, you wanted to be anywhere other than Vancouver for the holiday.  

It had taken you four days to call your parents. Four days of replaying everything in your mind and wondering if maybe he’d call and say it was all a mistake. Four days of cycling through the same routine of going from the bed to the couch on autopilot, tears springing to your eyes each time something reminded you of him. Four days of wondering if he even was hurting at all, a question that you weren’t sure you even wanted the answer to yet tortured yourself with anyways. But it only took five minutes for your mom to convince you to come home. 

That’s how you ended up back in Toronto, tucked away in your childhood bedroom that had been converted to be a guest room looking out at the blanket of snow that was dumping into the city. You settled into a new routine, waking up each morning and watching Milo out back playing in the fresh snow. You tried not to think about if he was missing Coolie as much as you were. You also tried not to notice each time Brock’s photo popped up as a viewer on your story, knowing that losing Milo was probably killing him. 

Brock spent the weeks following the breakup leading up to Christmas poorly attempting to convince himself that what he did was right. He agonized over it, constantly telling himself that you were two people who had been lost in each other for so long, that you needed to find yourselves again. He tried to convince himself that the codependency was the problem, that you weren’t growing together anymore, hell, he even tried to convince himself that he was the one holding you back from your dreams, feeling guilty for just how willing he knew you would have been to follow him if he were ever traded. But the thing about telling yourself something until it's true is that it doesn’t work, and that was a lesson that Brock was painstakingly learning the hard way. He couldn’t even pretend it was any easier when he was back home in Minnesota, because at each turn his dad asked him things about you and it broke his heart each time he had to remind him that you weren’t. 

Brock watched your story of Milo in the snow for what felt like at least the tenth time that morning. He heard your laugh in the background and you calling for Milo softly. He knew you were back home in Toronto, probably at your parents house running through the traditions your family had at Christmas. He remembers when he got to experience all of those with you, the year before. As he heard your laugh one last time from your story, he thought back to that Christmas, his own heart twisting when he thought about how he was always the one who could make you laugh, stealing wine drunken kisses in the kitchen in the dim light.

It took Brock one hour after you left to know that it was a mistake breaking up with you, but it took him three weeks and a Christmas Eve without you to come to the understanding that maybe, just maybe he could fix it. 

You groaned softly as you blindly reached for the source of the buzzing on your bedside table. You had half of a mind to turn over and curl up in your blanket and ignore it, the last month your phone had been filled with messages and calls, each person offering what felt like faux sympathy at your broken heart. It got to a point where you dreaded seeing a notification, just wishing that your friends would give you space to heal on your own. They could only express so much sympathy for a situation that they didn’t understand. But it was Christmas Eve, and as you adjusted your eyes to your phone screen, you thought about how whoever was calling this late must have been important. As soon as you picked up the screen and saw the photo on it, him with Coolie curled up against his chest, you felt your eyes water and your mind twist. You wondered if you were hallucinating, but your finger slid across the accept button anyway and you held your breath as you lifted the phone to your ear.

“Are you there?” His voice came through when you didn’t say anything. It was soft and strained, and you felt your heart clench at hearing it after trying to forget about how he sounded over the last month. You sniffled slightly, wiping your eyes and sitting up in bed as you nodded as if he could somehow see your movements through the phone. Milo shifted slightly at your movements, and your heart broke even more. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s so late. Fuck, it’s like 2:30 there. I’m- god please don’t hang up.” He whispered. For a moment you felt like you could see him, probably pacing back and forth in his condo, hand running through his golden hair. You didn’t know why he was calling, and you didn’t know why you chose to answer, but you stayed on the line anyway, because what’s a broken heart at Christmas without the added pain of the one who shattered it waking you up at 2 am? 

“I’m here.” You said, your voice shaky. You leaned down to scratch Milo’s ear, your heart-tugging a big at knowing the breakup had not only affected you and Brock but the dogs as well. 

“Uhm, I..” Brock started, and you sighed softly into the phone.

“Brock, why are you calling?” There it was, the question he had expected. The question he had spent the last month preparing himself for, running through the lists and reasons in his mind constantly, and now that he was here, listening to you cry on the phone, he seemed to forget all of them. He felt like shit, not only for himself for ruining the best thing he ever had with you, but for calling you in the middle of the night on Christmas and making you cry all over again. 

“Come home. Or I’ll come there, I was wrong. I was so beyond wrong and to be honest, I’ve spent the entire last month knowing that. We were so happy, you know? I was thinking about rings and starting this whole life with you and I just lost myself, I started doubting us when it got serious because I was insecure, I was afraid you’d wake up one day and realize you don’t want me or this life. And I was wrong. I was wrong to hurt you, I was wrong to not talk to you about how I was feeling and I was wrong to break up with you when really all I want to do is marry you and have kids and, fuck, I just want all of that with you. So come home, let’s try again.” 

You curled into Milo, letting the tears fall down your cheeks as you took in the words he spoke. You knew Brock, and you knew he was telling the truth but was he worth risking everything for again. Could you realistically come back from this knowing that you could be sent packing up and back to Toronto at any time should he change his mind. It was a gamble, and you were never one to place bets when it came to your heart. 

“I’ll come to Toronto, I’ll book a flight right now, just to see you, just to try to show you that I want to make this up to you. I love you, let me show you that again.” Brock begged. 

“You’ll come to Toronto?” You squeaked, biting your lip in the darkness. 

“I already looked at flights, I can be there by 10.” He said. You let out a sob at his words, glancing at the clock and counting down how many hours that would be until you would face him. 

“I can’t lose you again. If we do this, I can’t.. Brock, I really can’t.” You whispered. 

You opened the door to him standing there, a bag on his shoulders, and his hands nervously tucked in his pockets. You passed over his hair that was covered in a dark beanie, his eyes tired and lacking the brightness you once always saw in him, his beard longer than he usually kept it. Brock looked like a reflection of you, a broken person who was wandering around trying to piece back together their own heart. You stepped out onto the porch, not caring that it was freezing cold and the snow was heavy. You didn’t care that you were just in leggings and an old sweatshirt of Brock’s you didn’t want to admit that you had taken from him. You reached out for him, burying yourself into his chest and letting the tears fall as you held each other for the first time in over a month. His hand ran through your hair as he pressed a light kiss to the top of your head. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He spoke, tilting your chin up so that his eyes could look into yours. 

“I missed you, and I love you, and please just-” Brock cut you off, pressing his lips against yours in a tender kiss. You felt yourself melt into him, the familiarity rushing back to you as he pulled you closer and deepened the kiss. You knew that the kiss couldn’t fix everything, that him coming to Toronto and back to you didn’t change what happened. But what you did know was that you had someone standing there who wanted you and had made a mistake, and maybe it was the holiday spirit talking, but you wanted to give him a second chance, and it was the only Christmas present that mattered.  

You held onto him tightly, tears stinging your cheeks from the cold. You didn’t even notice your mom had opened the front door behind you, instead you pulled apart from Brock when Milo came running up to your feet, jumping all over Brock and whining at him. 

“Milo, hi buddy, hi.” He cooed at the dog, squatting down and letting Milo jump all over him. It made you cry even more, realizing how hard the last few weeks without him had been. Brock looked up at you, a deep frown settling on his features because he knew all of your pain had been his fault. He stood up, letting Milo continue to jump on his legs as he grabbed your hands.

“There’s someone else who came with me.” He smiled softly. You furrowed your brow as he tangled his fingers with yours and led you down to where the car he must have rented was parked. You saw Coolie’s face in the window and you squeezed Brock’s hand tighter, your smile growing with each step closer to him you got. Brock opened the door, letting Coolie jump out and run all around you and him and Milo. His excitement coming out in loud whines. You watched as he and Milo started running around your yard together, standing close to Brock.

“It felt wrong without him.” You commented softly. Brock wrapped an arm around you and kissed your temple tenderly, a move that sent waves of calm through your body. You didn’t know what it would take to fix everything, but you had him here and he wanted to try. Maybe it would be rocky, maybe it would be hard, but losing each other even for just a few weeks only cemented in how sure you were about a life with him. So, even if it all crumpled later on, he still took an early morning flight to Toronto, and you weren’t going to send him away. 

[book-o-scams]

Ed, Edd n Eddy Series Bible (1996) -Analysis-

You can all finally read/download Ed, Edd n Eddy's official Series Bible right here! Thanks again to Chuckletons for sharing this with me and to Joey/Kongiscool0518 for sharing it in the first place, the Holy Grail of lost Ed, Edd n Eddy trivia!

One of the first posts I made for this blog was the Series Bible page. It was a composite of every source we had ever seen reference the series bible so far-- storyboarders in interviews, CN's old character guides, and the biggest source, an old CN UK posting about the show. Well, I figure now that we have the official source, I better update the old page (so everyone knows it's out of date), and make this new Series Bible post using the official source! Not much new information, but I was intrigued to finally learn the true phrasings of some things we had only heard paraphrased, as well as at least one detail from the movie that I couldn't believe came up this early in conception...

Unfortunately, Tumblr has apparently updated its post system to only let me add 10 images? Gonna try and only use images for what I need since you can read the actual document above, I guess I'll transcribe it too for easier reference and so we don't ever lose some archive of this.

Quickly, let's review what a series bible is:

A series bible is how creators pitch shows to networks. They can be called “pitch bibles” as well. Bibles do not usually get posted publicly, because they are initially under a strict Non-Disclosure Agreement by the network; also the creator may simply not wish to share it because it reflects the earliest stages of development.

The pitch materials typically include early concepts for characters, locations and episodes. Sometimes it exposes secrets, in this case, Ed and Eddy’s home lives, and sometimes the stuff in it is completely abandoned because it’s so early in production, in this case, casual references to school and adults.

Alright, everybody, it's time to gather 'round and read the Ed, Edd n Eddy Bible!

THE YEAR IS 1996.

YOUR NAME IS LINDA SIMENSKY. YOU WORK AT CARTOON NETWORK. A FRIEND OF YOURS, DANNY ANTONUCCI, IS WRAPPING UP A SHOW ON MTV. YOU GET THIS FAX.

Linda Simensky immediately fell in love with this concept because as a child, she was best friends with 2 other Lindas for seemingly no reason other than the shared name.

I love how Danny decided last second to pencil in the correct names over each Ed, since they're arranged out of title-order.

"They're friends because they have the same name."

-the Logline for the series.

Fun fact: one storyboard artist for the movie observed that the movie is essentially all about challenging the series' original notion that the Eds are friends ONLY because of their name.

"A Danny Antonucci Cartuna"

-the label Danny used to use under announcements of new productions.

PAGE 1:

Ed, Edd n Eddy

They're best friends because they have the same name.

A gag laden, beat generated CARTOON bumper car ride of 3 misfit youths on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America.

Through summer vacation, part-time jobs, or just hang'n out at the corner mail box, they want to belong....but CAN'T.

From home chores, helping neighbors or eating jaw breakers, they want to fit in...but CAN'T.

Ed is into "B" monster movies, model kits and is quick to break out into rashes.

Lots of luck...

Edd is into chemistry, biology and prone to crushes.

Later...

Eddy is into pranks, is stylish and flaunts himself to the world.

Ya Right...

Ed, Edd n Eddy is a show about confusion and contradiction, that awkward part of youth, pimples, big feet, oily hair and... girls???.

Puberty is unforgiving.

I was fascinated by the lack of art on this page, it makes the pitch feel very focused. AKA logo in the corner, the title logo again up top, then the logline appears again below.

I really love the breakdown of Danny's vision of the show. "Gag-laden, beat-generated, CARTOON bumper ride." Very accurate, and I think "beat-generated" is the phrase that interests me the most. I typically think of "animation beats" as sort of a give-in-- technically all things fit a rhythm, so all stories are essentially just a montage of beats. But this does make me realize how important the strength of the beats and their rhythm are to the pacing of a cartoon and making you feel like "that was a good one." I feel like the "seasonal rot" viewers feel over the course of a show, and the way that perception differs from person to person, depends on the type of beats you want. Even though I am very into the experimental beats of a show in its later seasons, I can definitely see how season 1's beats are more typically appealing to a wide-audience, and how important a focus on that is to the longevity of a show.

I found it really interesting how the scams are initially conceived of here as "summer jobs." It adds to the sense that adults were originally meant to be present. Honestly a little surprised nobody with access to this bible had ever thought to mention that-- scams are not referenced ANYWHERE. Their image in the Series Bible is that they have summer jobs and help neighbors, which is certainly a much cleaner reputation than the Eds ended up with in the show. Makes me realize though, were some of the early scams, like Ed's Hive Bee Gone and their newspaper routes, supposed to be leaning into this early idea of them with almost legit jobs for unseen adults?

I was very amused by the repeated phrase that the Eds simply CAN'T fit in.

Loved to finally see the official phrasing for the confirmation that Peach Creek is in America. Not much different than I was led to believe, but still nice to have the true quote.

Also love Eddy being described as "stylish and flaunting himself to the world." The bold-print reactions to each micro-description is a cute idea too, I truly wonder who we were meant to picture saying those things in reaction. Each Ed? Kevin?

The "corner mail box" is an oddly specific phrase-- the Eds do hang around mailboxes throughout the series, especially seasons 1-3, and I believe the canon map does have a corner mailbox, but the idea that the Eds hang out at one specific mailbox went the way of Bro's supposed secret treehouses.

PAGE 2:

Ed, Edd n Eddy

Show Description

Gag laden. True cartoon style, inventive, non parody, fast paced, stretch and squash

Beat driven. (even when characters stop they hold with a bounce cycle. Adults never bounce. Music can play important part, not just fill.) But not a musical.

Cartoon surrealism. (viewers see the show as Ed, Edd n Eddy would, less important things tend to blend into the background, while objects of Ed, Edd n Eddy's desires are focused. Premise driven.)

The school year's over, (yeah!!!!) and the long HOT summer vacation begins (gulp). What to do?

Stuck on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs of America is the last place you want to spend summer break, especially when you find life confusing and contradicting.

Ed, Edd n Eddy is about friendship, and serves to remind us that they're no "good ole days," just smelly runners.

You can tackle anything, when your with your pals.

Their days are spent, for knowledge, acceptance and some cash for jaw breakers. Armed with pimples, big feet and oily hair the three amigos trek into the unknown.

Ed, Edd n Eddy are dying to be grown-ups, but they're kids, and attack adulthood as only kids would. Simple situations turn into a manic rollercoaster ride. (Don't forget your barf bag).

They just want to belong, and they're willing to pull off any insane stunt to prove it. First they need to figure out what it is they want to belong to.

Found it interesting that on this page, the show's logo is replaced with the title written in a jumbled font. Seems like the font from the show's end credits.

Hehe, the continued reactions to the descriptions. Allow me to be Double D for a moment and point out the increased use of parentheticals on this page, as well as one wrong "your".

I love Danny's insight that season 1 is framed by the context of how hyped everyone still is just to be out of school, but also the sense of pressure to make use of their break.

I really appreciate Danny getting further into the details of his summary of the show's style on the previous page. It only makes sense that he had this much of a vision that early.

A second confirmation of the cul-de-sac being in America! I'm also really into the repeated focus on the Eds finding the world "contradicting." I always loved how EEnE's inexplicable cartoon antics supported that sense that the Eds are highly aware of contradictions in both societal things and the actual characters.

WOW, so I'm fascinated by this dual reveal. Before the wiggling outlines, which Danny usually calls a "boiling line" and describes as a tribute to wiggling inking in early animation, the series bible instead refers to him wanting the characters to do the iconic Fleischer "bounce," which is a much more commonly recognized rubberhose animation technique. Very interesting that Danny decided not to stick to that. Did it feel too out of place? Or was the overseas team not willing to animate a weight-shifting for every single held pose? Haha, guess I can see why boiling was an easier compromise. I wonder if he had any other ideas for how to make it more of a 1930s cartoon.

The other reveal to me here is that the movie's choice, that adults don't always wiggle in the show, was an idea from the very beginning! I guess I can better understand now why it's just too difficult to communicate a stylistic choice like that overseas-- no point making Bro not wiggle, that'd just create confusion.

Also, really disappointed that my wish for a musical is officially squashed in the series bible itself. That's a tragedy. The show's over, ya couldn't let me dream, Danny!? Conversely, I love Danny's forethought to say "non parody," I definitely noticed and appreciated EEnE's avoidance of derivative parody humor.

My spouse had to point out to me that Danny probably means sneakers here, lol. Canadianisms!

The comments about the Eds wanting to grow up but needing to figure out what they want to belong to are so great and relate to the movie so well. I've heard those comments before, but the correct phrasing was cool to see.

PAGE 3:

Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Ed in right corner)

Character Description

Ed

Attention deficiency syndrome.

He has trouble...

He can't....um...

OK, he draws all day in class.

When Eddy gets a bright idea...Ed's in.

Ed is easily talked into doing Eddy's "hard work". He has great physical strength.

Ed's happiest with his Model kits and B-monster movies. He draws his knowledge from his movies.

Ed smells. Flies are attracted to him.

Ed has sayings for all situations

ED: "you can change your shirt, and Bingo was his name..."

Ed's perpetually a slave to his younger sister's whims and whines.

Ed may have to baby-sit his sister, or let her watch whatever she wants on TV, or let her dress him up in mom's clothes.

Ed breaks out in Rashes. He's allergic to practically everything, especially Guinea Pigs.

Ed's Mom xerox's his sketches and doodles for her therapist.

Ed's Dad hopes to pass on to his son, his knowledge on "pre-owned" auto sales.

Very cute bit wasting the space at the top of the page. Danny seems very invested in Ed's personality already. The old sources we used to have definitely tried to condense these down to simpler blurbs.

Weird how Danny wants to essentially diagnose Ed with ADHD here (phrasing it very poorly, but it was the 90s and... Canada?). I don't know enough on the subject to debate it, but I still gotta point out Ed's canonical cracked skull!

Interested in the comment about Ed being most allergic to Guinea Pigs. I don't think that animal was ever even mentioned in the show. Eddy mentioned an old gerbil once....

Neat to finally have the real phrasing of the official word on Ed's parents! I saw someone comment earlier that this seems to be hinting Ed's Dad is selling stolen cars. I've never thought to question the legality of his apparent second-hand-car dealership (I imagined he works with Eddy's dad, who has received a legitimate award for his salesmanship), but those quotation marks are certainly making Mr. Ed's practices questionable! Best case scenario, Danny meant that more like italics or something, but maybe Ed's dad IS up to no good...

PAGES 4 & 5 (Ed's turn sheet and expression sheet)

PAGE 6:

Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Edd in right corner)

Character Description

Edd

is really smart.

is really quiet.

Edd is unnaturally-- polite.

Edd hasn't been allowed to take gym ever since the Dodge ball incident. He's been excused to free study time in the library.

Edd doesn't like it when people touch his things.

EDD: "You may enter in my room, but don't touch my Lego robot. Thank you."

Edd's learning to play Peddle steel guitar. (his Mom makes him)

Edd's prone to "crushes". Girls in School, in his neighborhood, TV, anatomy books. He mails "true loves" his socks.

Edd is always ready for action, even though he can calculate the implications.

Edd constantly mumbles.

No one ever sees Edd's parents. They both work nights. They communicate to their son solely through Post-it notes. Edd's not allowed to touch anything in the house while they're gone. Anything.

Interesting how Danny slightly differentiates the barely-used space at the top here from Ed's description, to characterize Edd as more quiet and mumbly, adding an awkward "--" mid-sentence, perhaps to create the impression that Edd halts to choose words carefully.

Everything on this page feels familiar, from the character guides and other old sources. The most interesting thing to me here is that Edd's Mom forcing him to practice Pedal Steel Guitar is established this early, don't think I knew that, but I had noticed that it existed in his room from ep 1.

I love how the explanation in the beginning for why Edd goes along with their dumb schemes even though he's smart is basically just "he's always ready for action." ?!? I guess in a way???

That weirdly phrased Edd quote amuses me because it references Lego, just like the original concept background for his room before somebody nixed the copyright-namedrop.

Edd's prone to crushes thing has been reaffirmed over and over in character bios even though it really doesn't come up outside of the cupid magic in HPH and the pilot-episode heart eyes at Sarah that are barely canon. Still, I've always loved the truly disturbing statement that he mails "his true loves his socks" and how that managed to make it into canon with a comic book example, a cel animation example and a digital era example.

PAGES 7 & 8 (Edd's turn sheet and expression sheet)

PAGE 9:

Ed, Edd n Eddy (image of Eddy in right corner)

Character Description

Eddy

Exhibitionist.

Megalomaniac. (quote from his report card)

Eddy is the unofficial leader of the trio.

He's always got a plan, a stunt or a weird noise.

Eddy's the "class clown". He loves showing off. He loves being the centre of attention-- no matter how stupid the reason is.

Eddy is the only kid in his grade to have been expelled for aw hole week from school. It was his turn to set up the video for science class. He switched "Our Friend Yeast", for a video he "borrowed" from his parent's room.

Before Eddy's brother went....away, he enlightened Eddy with the "legends" of the neighbourhood. Eddy knows where all the abandoned tree houses are, which sewer pipers are safe to spelunk, and the secret recipe for the "El Mongo Stink Bomb" (it's been in the family for years).

He is the one who is most able to pretend that he knows it all... and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about him.

His genes are working the fastest.

Eddy's Dad is constantly concerned that Eddy may grow up to be a ...figure skater.

Eddy's Mom never believes his little darling was involved in such a heinous act.

Funny choice that Eddy's wasted-top-space is just two one-word descriptions, and allegedly lazily swiped from his negative report card.

Wow, we knew the report card quote and the "Our Friend Yeast" story from the UK show guide, but now we also know Ed's page says that Ed draws in class, and now I realize that Ed and Eddy have series bible school blurbs to match Edd's classic dodgeball incident blurb. Anyway, it's great that Eddy's showed his entire school some sort of sex video his parents have.

Very interested that the phrasing for the Bro/El Mongo Stink Bomb blurb even seems to suggest it's a family recipe. Eddy's Dad did have prankster stuff in his closet in JJJ... did Bro learn his prankster ways from Dad?? The neighborhood's secret tree houses have come up in other descriptions (at best, I'd say this could be related to that creepy shack the Eds found in the woods), but I think it's new info that Eddy personally learned the sewer routes from Bro. Interesting...

Thankfully, I had already heard about the Bible's awkward reference to Eddy being the most pubescent as "his genes are working the fastest," lmao.

Once again the Double D in me comes out to point out that the description of Eddy's Mom seems to switch to the Dad's pronouns.

PAGES 10 & 11 (Eddy's turn sheet and expression sheet)

PAGES 12-14 (Sarah, Jimmy, Rolf, Jonny, Nazz, and Kevin lineup of all 6, then 2 zoomed in lineups of the first 3 kids and last 3 kids)

(Funfact: the kids' designs were allegedly freelanced to an outside studio, hence why their refined later-season designs are so different from these lizardy starting places, lmao)

PAGE 15: (images of Sarah and Jimmy next to their blurbs)

SARAH

Ed's baby Sister.

It's her way or the Highway.

She has everything done for her, if NOT she'll "make" them do it.

She can be quick to judge.

Whinney.

A tatrum for every occasion.

More than a handful for Ed...or Edd and Eddy.

Thinks Edd is kinda cute.

Wants Eddy to MOVE...to another planet.

JIMMY

Sarah's best friend

He is always playing with girls, boys are just too tough.

He is accident prone, when ever we see him he has a different affliction, ie: band-aids, patches, casts, lumps...etc.

He is very clean.

The Ed's frighten him, "They're such brutes".

I'm surprised how much of the UK guide was accurate to what was really in the bible for them! Also surprised Danny misspelled "whiney" and "tantrum," one right after the other. Is this how Sarah spells them? ...Sorry, Danny, I yam what I yam.

PAGE 16: (images of Rolf and Jonny next to their blurbs)

ROLF

First generation of a landed immigrant family.

Nationality not important.

He's proud of his heritage.

He has peculiar traditions and/or customs.

He eats "weird" things.

He has hair on his back..... "yuck".

He confuses the Ed's to no end.

He confuses the other kids to no end.

JONNY 2x4

He is a wanderer and very inquisitive

From early morning to supper time, he is always outside playing, with his buddy, "Plank".

"Plank" is a wooden board that Jonny drew a face on with a crayon.

Jonny has wonderful conversations with Plank. ...Plank is a piece of wood.

Jonny makes himself very "accessible" to the Ed's.

Found it interesting that Rolf's bio is less clearly phrased than the UK bio set it up to be-- there they made it sound more like he mixes up who the Eds/kids are, here it's unclear whether it means that or (more likely) just means the obvious statement that everyone finds him confusing. If it's that, what a lame hollow bio Rolf got. This kid's based on you Danny, show some of that personal side!

Always loved Jonny's description, his life sounds so cute. Playing outside literally all day. Interesting to have it confirmed that Jonny drew Plank's face, I preferred to think the Eds drew him and sold him to Jonny, but whatever.

"Accessible" has always been an important vague description of Jonny to me. It really only applies to how chummy they could be with him in season 1, but it still sorta applies to his personality throughout the series as well.

PAGE 17: (images of Nazz and Kevin next to their blurbs)

NAZZ

She's cool, calm and assertive.

She is the most matured of the kids, or so she thinks.

She's into make-up and fashion magazines and Boys.

Sarah thinks she's awesome, wants to be just like her when she grows up.

When she enters a scene, all activity stops... boys freeze, they sweat, their hearts beat faster and faster. They lose their ability to talk. When she leaves, they recover and conclude it was something They ate.

She thinks the Ed's are funny.

KEVIN

He is cynical and sarcastic.

He thinks he knows the "routine". That's because he watches "60 Minutes".

It got a big laugh out of me that Kevin's description is only 2 sentences long. Nazz even has a more detailed character description from inception than Kevin. Love this for them.

Who's the Eds' rival? Well, he's cynical, sarcastic and he watches 60 Minutes, doesn't that tell you enough!?

I love the "mature... or so she thinks" remark about Nazz, a grounded flaw for her to have, being a little overcommitted to being mature like Eddy. It also perhaps suggests naiveté that makes it a little more reasonable that they didn't notice they were dumbing her down at the end of the series, but I do think the movie version of her better reflects the Bible's concept.

PAGE 18:

The Other Neighborhood Kids

Lineup of May, Lee and Marie.

The Kanker Sisters

These gals are tough. They bother, bully, provoke and bewilder everyone.

They live in a motor home park on the other side of the Cul-de-sac. The other kids have never been there.

They are proud of their Tammy Faye Baker memorabilia.

Their project "Cooking with Ketchup" closed down their school for a whole week.

No one likes them, especially the Eds.

They are determined to marry the Eds. They want them to do their dishes.

Amused that the Kankers are essentially being labeled backgrounds characters here, the role they mostly fell into in season 5. "Other" neighborhood kids...

I love that the Kankers have a school blurb to match each of the Eds', and that theirs has similar destructive-intentions to Eddy's video premiere story.

I believe all of this was all known from the UK guide as well, but still, neat stuff!

PAGES 19 & 20 (zoomed in Kanker lineup and their height chart with the Eds)

PAGES 21 & 22 (early promo art that used to be on CN's old Eds webpage, the art of the Eds eating jawbreakers at the end of ep 1 with the overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy love JAWBREAKERS!!!", and the art of the Eds all running with overhead text "Ed, Edd n Eddy see something shiny...."Jiggers." That weird "jiggers" statement at the end was normally edited out and I don't know what it means. Looked it up and it seems to be Chinook jargon (like when Ed said he was "skookum at X's and O's") usually said in the same sense as "CHEESE IT!")

PAGES 23+:

The rest of the pages in that bible download are from a 2004 storyboard test. The storyboard sample "It's Raining Eds," which we've seen some submitted samples of before, interpretations with Ed attempting to fly or chew gum and Edd making radioactive gum, I was surprised to find out the outline is just the original outline for the opening sequence to season 3's 'For Your Eds Only', seemingly Jonny was not written into the original outline (or was excised for easier testing purposes) but Kevin's brief cameo was. Now I wonder if they knew this would be used for a test when they wrote it, and if they would've come up with a less random way to include him if weren't forced to be a concise bit for testing's sake. (Your limit is typically 40 storyboard pages in my experience.)

I also noticed that in the included background references, the anonymous adult neighbor house next door to Ed's is officially just referred to as a "generic house."

My analysis ends here, but be sure to download that sometime and enjoy all the raw storyboard sketches at the end of the document!

[mojoflower]

WHY is fanfiction not the appropriate venue for your political or social battle?

We can all agree, I posit, that there are changes that need to be made in the world (racism, for example;  patriarchal inequalities;  rape culture;  capitalism;  plug in your personal cause here).

We can all ALSO agree, I think, that the way culture, media, etc. portray things influences a consumer on an unconscious level.

We can agree that, in real life, certain things are clearly bad:  abuse of others, non-consensual sex, systemic inequality, I can go on….

So.  Let me feel my way through this.  I, personally, feel like fanfiction (specifically on AO3, since that’s where I encounter it) is NOT an appropriate battleground for enforcing cultural change by:

Leaving comments about how someone’s work is (in your, the commenter’s, opinion) wrong, damaging, unfair, insensitive, etc.

Telling the writer they should change this or that.

Telling the writer they must add or delete tags.

Broadcasting your opinion of the writer’s egregiousness outside AO3 (twitter, for example, or here on tumblr).

Organizing a campaign of harassment against the author if they don’t change to suit your personal requirements.

First of all:

 Be the change you want to see.

Fanfiction, unlike any other media out there, is INDIVIDUAL.  It is one work, from one single person – voluntary and unpaid.  You yourself are one single person.  You can have as much influence as this writer.  Write the works you want to read, instead of demanding that the writer change to suit you.  This is how romance novels changed from non-con, non-condom-wearing, shudderingly unequal stories in the 70s and 80s to where they are now, for example.  New people started writing stories, and eventually established authors started changing, too (or dwindled away).

Remember that you know nothing about the author.

You don’t know their culture, their skin color, their age, their gender.  You don’t know their socioeconomic status or how much free time they have.  You don’t know their current mental or physical conditions.  You don’t know any of the things going on in their life.  AND.  You are not entitled to know these things.  When you lash out at an author for not doing research, for not editing, for… anything at all… you cannot assume that they’re not fourteen, not suicidal, not a native speaker, not disabled such that writing a single paragraph is a tremendous effort.  You don’t know they’re not in an abusive situation, or economic peril.  You do not have the right to tell them to change.  Whether you are asking them to change text, tone, tagging, ships, plot, you name it.  Anything.

Dead Dove:  Do Not Eat.

Don’t like, don’t read.  These are simple concepts, and the tagging system on AO3 helps you to avoid many triggers.  Simple common sense, once you're into a story that’s raising your hackles, will warn you away from the rest.  If you say, ‘no, this person can’t write that, it’s contributing to pain in the Real World’ then you are functioning as a censor.  I mean, at its most basic level, a censor is someone who strikes out passages in books or other media because it’s… immoral/bad/etc.  The problem is that morality is incredibly tailored to the group you’re in, and also incredibly fluid, shifting over time.  So… why do YOU get to be the censor and not the author?  What makes YOU the final word?  Seriously, think about it.

Fanfiction writers are the most vulnerable group you could target.

Which makes them easy prey, and possibly makes them the juiciest and most satisfying targets.  Address your anger to Hollywood or Simon & Schuster or Congress – and your voice will doubtless get lost in the shuffle.  Address it to an author on AO3 and you can deliver your blow personally, one on one, and witness the damage.  There is no professional buffer between your resentment and their reaction.

Who are fanfiction writers?  Overwhelmingly women, overwhelmingly queer, often very young and inexperienced.  Wow.  What a rewarding group to start slapping around.  You wouldn't be the only one to think so.  Seriously.  Aim your anger at someone who is STRONGER than you.  Not someone who is (likely) weaker than you.  You’re kicking a kitten, while a lion lounges behind you.

Censoring someone’s thoughts is bad.

People should be allowed to THINK.  And they can think whatever they want.  Whether and where and how it should be expressed is another matter.  AO3 is a safe place for whatever weird-ass thoughts you have.  It is expressly written into their mission statement.  AO3 was SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED so that authors could have a place for their dead dove fics.

So.  Why is [your pet cause] okay on AO3 and not on a script in Hollywood?

AO3 requires membership before you can post anything, so it’s arguably private.  AO3 provides tools for readers to avoid works they might find triggering.  AO3 profits no one.  Follow the money, and there are your true culprits.  Not a housewife from Hoebokken.

Fanfiction writers make no money.  When they write, they are not lawmakers, filmmakers, teachers or preachers.  This is not their job.  They do not have a responsibility to the community, because they are vested with no power and no paycheck.  Please move your battlefield to one of these other venues.  Your fight will be harder, but it will also do a lot more good than traumatizing some naive  kid away from writing forever.

Fanfiction comprises an individual’s personal thoughts and personal works, written for their own enjoyment, shared only through AO3 to (presumably) like-minded readers.  Fanfics are a person’s fantasies and daydreams.  They might be an author’s therapeutic exercise.  Or someone trying to explore something new, whether it be cultures, ideas, sexualities or kinks.  Humans need a place where they can be wrong and make mistakes.  Think about that, I implore you.  If you are constantly pointing out someone’s errors, you may eventually either silence them forever, or instill in them permanent resentment.  This does not further your cause.

You have your personal cause.

I’ve seen a lot of them.  Incest is bad, you’re not allowed to write about it.  Pedophilia is bad, you’re not allowed to write about it.  Abusive relationships are bad, you’re not allowed to write about them.  Racism is bad, you’re not allowed to write about it.  Genderswap is transphobic, you’re not allowed to write about it.  A/B/O romanticizes damaging gender inequalities.  There are many.  If every single one of you got to stamp out your personal crusade, then fic would be scant on the ground and many people wouldn’t try to create anymore.  It’s stifling to creativity and terrifying to an author that they might slip up and be called out.  No one, as far as I know, likes to think of their fanfiction as something that will be turned in for a grade.

Your standards are your own.

What are the precise parameters of an abusive relationship?  Transphobia?  Racism?  Pedophilia?  Fetishism?  Where does dub-con become non-con?  No one is the mouthpiece for the whole world.  You are only the mouthpiece for yourself.

If you think to yourself that it’s not okay to tell someone they can’t write about, say, a gay relationship, but it IS okay to tell them they can’t write about a certain ship or dynamic (for Reasons), then maybe you should step back and check yourself and your entitlement to someone else’s endeavor.

In conclusion:

I’m not saying that racism doesn’t exist in fanfiction.  Or creepy sexual abuse, or glorification of harmful dynamics.  It certainly does.  I’m not trying to play semantics with you.

But when you see these things, when they bother you... back right out.

That’s it.  Just back out, ignore it and find a different fic.  (Or better yet, write your own!)  Shower the fics you approve of with love and comments about why you think they’re great.  Give them kudos and bookmarks and shout-outs on your blog.  Eventually, if your opinion is popular, authors who thought otherwise will realize that readership is looking for something different.  They’ll change or they won’t, but the body of work will change over time, and THAT is what you’re looking to accomplish.  Not to stamp out fanfiction altogether.

[little-diable]

Fluff Alphabet - Jasper Hale

Request by anon: May I request a Jasper hale fluff alphabet please and thank you ☺️ 🥰💖

Took this from @pimaginecollection, enjoy my loves. xxx

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Jasper would take (y/n) on many trips, either on a hike, or even up to the mountains for a weekend. It honestly wouldn’t really matter to him, what they were up to, as long as he’d be able to spend some quality time with her, he’d be happy with snuggling her on the sofa, while they would be watching some old classic movies. 

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

I doubt, that there’d be anything Jasper wouldn’t find beautiful about (y/n), he’d think that she’d be beautiful inside and out.  

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Thanks to his gift, Jasper would know from the get go, if something was wrong with (y/n), she wouldn’t even have to voice it out, something she’d be very grateful for. Cuddles, cuddles, cuddles would be the name of the game, he’d wrap his arms around her, her head would be buried in the crook of his neck, while he’d tell her to take deep breaths. 

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

It would obvious to the both of them, that he’d turn her at one point, so that they’d be able to spend eternity side by side. Jasper would see themselves travel the world together, exploring new places and cultures, at one point he’d take her to Houston and show her where he grew up. 

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Major Jasper Whitlock. Don’t think we need to say anything else about this, do we? 

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Fighting wouldn’t be a regular part of their daily lives, Jasper wouldn’t be one to lash out on her, he’d feel guilty as soon as he’d notice the way she’d turn her back on him, trying to swallow down the wave of sadness that was crashing upon her. They’d only fight, if Jasper or (y/n) would be worried about each other, too into their heads to think straight any longer.  

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Oh, Jasper would be the most grateful partner ever, he’d appreciate every little thing about her and the way she was caring for him, no matter how, no matter what, (y/n) would always have his back, something he’d never forget. 

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

No, absolutely no secrets. Jasper would value honesty, just like (y/n), there wouldn’t be a way to hide stuff from each other anyways, Edward wouldn’t be able to drown out their thoughts and would speak out at one point. 

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

She’d inspire him, to become a better version of him. To talk about his past, knowing all about the cruel things he did, trying to make him understand, that what he did was wrong and there was no way to forget about it. 

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He wouldn’t get jealous, but he’d definitely get possessive relatively quickly, reminding her once again, who she belongs to. 

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Ohhh, let me tell you, Jasper would be an exceptionally good kisser. (Y/n) would be ‘addicted’ to his lips, trying to sneak in a good amount of kisses every hour. 

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

I’d say, it would be pretty obvious for Jasper from the start, that she was the one, after all he would have to realize the signs, that she would be his mate. He would take her on a few dates and would try and make her understand the concept of mates, it would probably take (y/n) a while to understand it. 

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Yes they definitely do, after all they belong to the Cullen clan, Alice would go all out for their wedding, just as big and wonderful as Bella and Edwards had been. He would take her on a trip, to one of her favorite spots, they would probably stargaze and Jasper would prepare a long monologue about the fact, that he won’t be able to survive, without her by his side. 

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Darlin’ 

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

He’d shower her with love and affection, maybe not so much in the public eye, but definitely behind closed doors or at home. They’d hold hand in school and share a few kisses, but as soon as they’d be on their own, it would be a different story. It would be pretty obvious to their friends and family, so there was no reason to hide their feelings anyways. 

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Jasper wouldn’t be one to brag, of course he’d be proud to have her as his mate and wouldn’t have a problem with kissing her in front of other people, but he wouldn’t go all out in public. 

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

I mean he’s a vampire, he’s got a special gift, I think that helps a lot. 

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He definitely would be creative, he’d think about date ideas, trying to surprise her with new stuff every time, he’d love to watch her eyes light up as she’d kiss him and thank him for taking her there. Jasper would be pretty romantic, he’d take his time in making her happy, he’d put his heart into making things work.  

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Oh yes, he’d be supportive, would have her back no matter what and help her through every decision. There wouldn’t be a thing he wouldn’t support, when it came to achieving her goals. 

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Oh Major Jasper Hale would definitely be up to try out new things. 

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

This is pretty self explanatory, thanks to his gift. He’d know her like the back of his hand, would be able read her all the time and help her through her sometimes confusing thoughts. 

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

She’d be the most important thing to Jasper, he’d give up anything for her, they would be mates after all, something that goes way beyond a typical relationship. 

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He’d always carry her favorite snacks with him, or at least bunk them in his car, if she’d ever feel down or cranky, he could at least take her mind off things, for a good few moments. 

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

Yes, he’d be a soft boy behind closed doors, would love to cuddle her, he’d be the big spoon, kiss her all the time, just to feel the warmth, that would be taking over her body. 

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He’d try to avoid situations, where they’d be apart from each other for a long time, but if he’d be away for a few days, they’d talk on the phone every day, he’d snap her a few pictures and tell her how much he loves and appreciates her. 

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

There wouldn’t be anything he wouldn’t do for her, no matter what, Jasper would go through hell and back for her. He’d probably even leave his family behind, if he really had to, in order to save his mate. 

[multi-lefaiye]

Blorbo Blursday!

So. Alekto and Narkissos have Top Tier names. 10/10 i love them, i could vocal stim them, i could steal their names even /lh

In honor of that, have any spare content about them to talk about?

Happy Blorbo Blursday!!! :>

Thank you,,,,,,, Alekto and Narkissos are some of my favorites in the cast and I know I'm not subtle about that. I am glad you like them!!!! Especially their names <3

And YES I do have some spare content about them to talk about!! Namely, I can talk a little about some of my original plans, now that I've changed both of these characters a LOT from their OG concepts. Namely... Narkissos used to be a HUGE sack of shit. She still kind of is, but she's gotten better.

I won't go into all of the original ideas for Narkissos b/c honestly a lot of them make me 😬, but just know. Original Narkissos is not a character I would ever be interested in giving any form of redemption because I personally feel like she went too far. New Narkissos gets a redemption arc but also didn't do as Much bad in the first place as the Original Narkissos, so it's not as necessary.

I don't want to spoil All of my plans for this story, but I will share a couple of things under the cut that are from the original plans for Alekto and Narkissos and the relationship between them! Some memes, some concept art, and an excerpt or two from a Narkissos Essay I started writing and ended up abandoning <3

Okay so here's a sketch I did in like...... the Very Early Days Of CUDAAS when I'd just decided that Alekto would be a protagonist. Iwas listening to Backstabber by Kesha and it made me think of these two, so I whipped this up as fast as I could <3

Essentially the concept is that this would be the moment Alekto finds out Narkissos was the one who essentially ruined their life and caused them to go through an incredibly painful and traumatic experience, all because she was jealous </3

I'm not gonna go into too much detail 'cause I am still keeping some elements from the original storyline, but uhhh Alekto has a different reaction in the new version <3 And also I've since realized that the actual villains of this story are the gods (especially the Mountain King) so even though Narkissos Fucks Up Big Time, his motivations are different and ultimately it's a lot less about personal vengeance against Alekto.

Also this isn't what Narkissos looks like lmao, this was before I properly designed her <3

And here's a meme I made with tupperbot, based on a running joke I used to have with some friends about Hekate tormenting Narkissos via telepathy (since that is one of the only ways Hekate can communicate):

Was this planned to be an actual scene? Maybe.

Essentially Narkissos's original motivations centered a LOT around him being jealous of Alekto and Hekate and ultimately I decided I just... didn't like that. As fun as it was to joke about it, it didn't make Narkissos a very compelling character to me. I like him much better now as a complicated character struggling with the pressure and duty placed on him who eventually learns that he has worth as a person outside of what he can do for others and how good of a soldier he is for the gods <3

Anyway ok last thing I'll share is an excerpt from the Narkissos Essay I ended up abandoning, which was less of an essay and more a summary of early plans for the first book from Narkissos's POV. This is the scene I like to call "Narkissos gets her ass beat by Alekto and then goes 😳 about it"

I just realized this was very Narkissos centric whoops-

To make up for that, I will also share the first picrew I made of Alekto when I was first conceptualizing them <3 The skin tone is too light, but I still like this vibe for them otherwise. Might bring back,,, Alekto with a little stubble,,,, that's a Look

(Picrew Link: [here])

And actual last thing I will share. Misc. notes I made about what I think Alekto and Narkissos's voices sound like (I have notes for all the characters' voices, but since this is about these two <3 yeah):

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART ONE OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

Finally I have read part one of the Red Hood story in Batman: Urban Legends!

This story is very interesting, we start with the Red Hood looking for the people who are providing Gotham with a new drug. This drug “Cheerdrops” has been passed around for weeks at this point and it has had devastating results among it's users. If you know Jason you understand that drugs are a big issue for him and one that he treats very carefully and seriously. 

As he interrogates people he arrives to the building where one of the dealers of this drug is supposed to be, there he finds a horrific scene, a boy is desperately trying to wake up his mother who appears to have overdosed in her bed. Jason is quick to call an ambulance and get in contact with Oracle in order to find the boy's father who is (as he finds out later) the man that he was looking for. 

Jason sees this scene and can't help but compare it to the time he went through this situation with his mom all those years ago, so he takes the boy with him so he can take him to his father, who Jason is hoping is a good man that had to sell drugs in order to help his family.

That's basically the premise of this first part of the story but now i will write about my thoughts on the specifics of the story.

The story begins with Jason giving a speech about fear and how it's used, 

"Fear. Its a tool, it's his tool. I never really adopted it, maybe because he kept that fear all to himself." Then he continues with "Never had to rely on it, had to work harder to take out the bad guys, had to be...more direct." he finishes that thought with "Rubber Bullets. So that fear doesn't get turned around on me."

I for one really liked this Fear speech, it does really sum up what the Batman does, he relies on the Fear that he imposes on Gotham's criminals and such while Robin on the other hand was never meant to work with fear, which is true.

It did remind me of the speech that Alfred gave in issue #10 of Under the Red Hood about how Batman works with fear and Jason had some thoughts on it, here is some of it, 

"Master Jason had a condescending practice of referring to the costumed criminals elements as 'dress ups'. He also noted that such individuals did not fear the Batman the way street thugs and mafioso did. The 'dress ups' did not believe he was a monster." "...the boy did say something to me that chilled me to the bone...even then. 'They all know he won't kill them.'"

Anyway let's go back to the actual comic I am talking about...

Jason speaks from his position as Red Hood in current time and says that he uses rubber bullets in order to keep the Bat at bay, the fear that the Bat uses against other criminals cannot be used against him if he plays within the Bat's rules.

As he was doing that he was actually trying to get info about who is making the drug but all he was able to get was who was selling it to the person he was interrogating. This drug is dangerous and Jason has to work fast. 

Here is where we see the first flashback scene, we see Jason in the cave before he was able to go out as Robin and he is not to happy about it. The art is very beautiful but sadly in these panels i found my first problem with the context of Jason becoming Robin and how Zdarsky seems to set Jason's feelings on the first Robin.

It seems that Zdarsky is going for the “Jason believed Dick was the perfect Robin and no matter what he did he would never be as good as him” route, which fine ok, that's your right but, is it really necessary? I must admit i am a little tired of this particular thing because i adore the fact that when Dick and Jason first met they were fine with one another (even if a little wary at the very start). And the whole competitive and “i will never be as good as X person” is really tiring in the Robin/Batfamily fandom.

That problem is not as significant as the next one though.

Jason not thinking that Robin was “badass”. Well this is not only a bad take but it's completely OOC for Jason, no matter how you see it. From his first appearance as Robin to the flashbacks in Winick's UtRH and even through both of Lobdell's runs Jason has always loved the concept and the mantle of Robin as a child. 

Batman v1, #385.

So that whole take is wrong, i don't like it and also who on this or any universe would rather call themselves Batboy? Honestly i hope this is never brought up again or i will cry. ((((Also in this house Robin will always be the name that Mary gave Dick and then he used as his hero name so it hurts a lot more))))

Also at the end of this first flashback Jason discovers a room full of firearms and is obviously surprised because Batman hates those so he asks why he has them, B responds that he has to understand how they work for his detective work, but that's not all he says, he also says this “...Guns are a coward's weapon, and we will not be cowards.”

Alright Mr. Zdarsky i see the irony... i also see the Daredevil / Punisher thingie right there.

Anyway we are now back to the present where we see Batman seeing the effects of the drug in one of its victims, after saving that person he takes some samples of the drug. We also get to see two police officers with different views on the “masks”, that's a nice way to set the story after the Joker War and before the Magistrate. 

Back to Jason, he seems to be struggling, he can't find the people making/providing the drugs in Gotham and is also doubting his skills, he tells a man that if the information that he gave him is incorrect he “will find him” followed with another internal speech full of self doubt, “...sure thing Red Hood, right now you can't even find a street drug. Half of Gotham's teenagers could find it no problem. You never were the best detective.”

Alright, so Jason feels insecure about his skills now? First you have pre-Robin Jason not feeling like he could be able to keep up with the first Robin and now, Jason as a grown man has doubts about the skills that he has used for a long while now? I mean, press X for DOUBT because UtRH showed us how much of a badass and extremely skilled he is. This man planed everything in order to turn the Bat's world upside down (and this story has references to UtRH so it definitely happened) and now he feels like he is not that good? 

Shit. i know where this is going, first the insecurities that he has already worked out... I can see it coming, the next big thing will be Daddy issues. Wonderful i hate it and i hope i am wrong because those “issues” are more than resolved, i know that's the only trope DC throws at Jason but honestly how different will it be this time?

Fine, lets move on. Jason finds himself in one of the apartments and what he sees is horrifying. Lying on a bed there is a woman completely catatonic with a horrible smile on her face and right next to her a terrified little boy.

Here is the best take on Jason's character so far. 

Realizing that the child is scared of the situation and the masked man that just came into his home Jason takes off his mask and reassures the kid that he is there to help, it's quickly made obvious that the woman has overdosed on Cheerdrops, he makes sure to call an ambulance for her stating that she seems to be in a  drug-related coma.

Its important to note that Jason is doing this as he is having troubling thoughts about how much this scene reminds him of the time he was in this little boy's (Tyler) shoes. Its hard for him but he soon realizes that he needs to make sure Tyler is safe. 

He asks Tyler if he has another parent, he does and his name is Andy, after taking a look around the house Jason deduces that maybe the father is also taking drugs so if the police comes they will surely take Tyler and put him in the system, this idea is not one Jason is fond of so he calls Oracle, he asks if she can locate Tyler's dad's phone, when she asks about the kid Jason says that he will be the one keeping him safe.

Now we find ourselves back with Batman where he is investigating the components of Cheerdrops, he finds out that the drug is a modified version of Scarecrow's fear gas that gives the victim a sense of extreme happiness instead of fear.

Here we get confirmation of when in the timeline this story occurs, which is after the events of Infinite Frontier (where there was an attack on Arkham and many patients/prisoners were killed or escaped).

B suggests to Oracle that maybe Crane didn't die there and that he might be behind this drug, he will be on the job right away! To this Oracle is like well shit, so she tells B that Jason is also working this case...and here comes a funny yet confusing interaction. 

Barbara says “I know you two aren't exactly friends right now but...” before she finishes Batman interrupts her by saying “He is a killer Barbara. I will do this alone.”

OH BOY is this interaction confusing! First of all may i point out how different this conversation is from the one in Three Jokers where the roles were basically reversed??? Please tell me that i am not the only one who finds that funny! Anyway that story doesn't matter here, but Red Hood Outlaw from Rebirth does, right?

Here is the thing, the last person that Jason “killed” in rebirth was Penguin and he actually didn't do it, he had him trapped in a panic room in his own Casino. Batman already beat the living shit out of Jason in RHatO #25 for it...and some time has passed, B surely found out that Jason didn't kill Penguin by now, i mean isn't he like the best detective to ever detective in the history of the universe??

Not only that but Jason has been using rubber bullets for a while and even at the start he mentions that, he basically implies that he is playing by the Bat's rules to keep him off his back. Maybe B hasn't let go of the duffel bag full of heads or any of the shitty people Jason killed during UtRH??? If B still holds that against Jason then why would he try to make Jason part of his Bat clan at the beginning of RHatO Rebirth? 

Maybe he still thinks that Jason killed the penguin...but even then isn't B working with Harley and Ghost-Maker? You know, people who have killed? Why is Jason different? Did Jason kill someone recently that we don't know about? Jason only kills a very distinct set of people (that are very not nice) so i guess i don't see the logic...

Anyway second flashback, and this time we have a look at what was going on in the Batcave with B and Alfred during the events of UtRH! Nothing that wasn't explored in UtRH is said here but we do see Alfred explicitly telling Bruce how much they failed Jason. There is a heavy insinuation that the fact that Batman keeps sending the Joker to Arkham only for him to escape and kill more people actually makes B responsible for those deaths and i love that. Thank you. 

Back to Jason and Tyler we get to see some very adorable scenes between the two. Jason gives the lower half of his mask to Tyler to protect his identity like a superhero and we have a really sweet moment in which Tyler chooses the Blue Hood as his name because he likes the colour blue (same Tyler).

After he leaves Tyler in a place where he will be safe he goes to the building where Andy should be and let me tell you the more Jason sees the less hopeful he becomes about Andy being just one of the people selling the drug... He does some shooting and incapacitating and then follows the man that is trying to escape and here is when shit hits the fan. 

Andy is a disgusting human being. He hates Tyler's mother and doesn't care that she might be dead and the piece of shit hates his son so much that he gave a barely 10 year old drugs. 

Yeah. BANG BANG BANG MOTHERFUKER. 

If you think that this leads to Jason being a little more like his UtRH self, you know the guy that said that people who gave drugs to kids will get killed without a thought...yeah that's not happening, here comes the guilt!

I get it he just killed a man, but, did you read what that man said?

Anyway that's how the first part of this story ends. 

The story is good. it has things that don't make much sense but i think it's because Zdarsky is a Batman fan and not a Red Hood fan in the sense that he doesnt know much about Jason's character and that this is his first ever DC work.

I cant wait to see where this story goes, while i hope “unresolved daddy issues” doesn't become a theme yet again in a Red Hood story i believe it's where we are headed. I will keep on reading because i am invested in Jason and Tyler's relationship and what is going to happen now that Jason killed Andy.

Let me know what you thought about the issue and my post if you want! Bye!

[cloudybarnes]

Fluff Alphabet | S.R

Fluffy concepts for y/n and Spencer Reid! Not my idea so credits to who came up with it, sorry I don’t know for sure :(

Masterlist

***

A = Attractive

(what do they find attractive about the other?)

Y/n definitely finds Spencer’s smarts really attractive. She’s always so entranced by how much he knows, and how passionate he gets about what he’s talking about. She likes hearing him talk about everything from the amounts of corn kettles on the average cob, to how many boats are on Lake Mead. Beside his smarts, Y/n loves his nose. She thinks he has the cutest, most boopable nose. 

Spencer can’t decide what he finds most attractive about Y/n. He really likes your confidence. He thinks it’s really attractive that you are so undeniably yourself. He also loves your lips. He often finds himself staring at them, so entranced by how they move when you speak. He also can’t get enough when he kisses them. 

B = Baby

(do they want a baby? why or why not?)

Spencer definitely wants a baby or even multiple. Spencer loves being with kids, and the thought of having his own with you just warms his heart so much. He would love to be able to see a little mixture of the two of you that represents your love for one another. 

Y/n also would love kids, but only with Spencer. She never really wanted to have children before she met him, but the sight of Spencer with JJ’s children and her other friends’ kids just makes her melt. She loves seeing Spencer playing with them and making them laugh, and she would love to see that every day with their own children. 

C = Cuddle

(how do they cuddle?)

Spencer a Y/n are huge cuddlers. Most times Spencer is big spoon because he loves to hold her in his arms. He likes the feeling of being her protector, and just holding onto her. Other times they face each other while they cuddle. It’s like they’re hugging while laying down. Y/n likes to face Spencer because she likes resting her head on Spencer’s chest and listening to his heart beat.

D = Dates

(what are dates with them like?)

Dates between Spencer and Y/n are always fun. They both are more stay-at-home people, so they just like to spend time with each other. Dates often entail cooking a meal together, reading to each other, and just spending quality time together. If the do decide to go out, it would be some place quiet with not a lot of people. 

E = Everything

(”you are my ____” ex. my life, my world...)

You are my best friend. Spencer and Y/n had been best friends for years before they decided to start dating. Y/n had started to develop feelings for Spencer, and once you knew you were falling for him, you were done for. Everything you loved about his as your best friend just magnified when you developed feelings for him. 

F = Feelings

(when did they know they were falling in love?)

Spencer knew he had feelings for Y/n ever since he met her. They were best friends, and he just couldn’t help but fall for her. The first time he really knew was when he was running late for work. At the time, they had only been friends for about a year. Spencer was stressed out and had forgotten to pack a lunch for himself. On his lunch break, he called Y/n as he usually did, and let her know he had forgot his lunch when she questioned what he brought that day. When they hung up, Y/n surprised his by bringing his favorite Thai food takeout. From that simple gesture, Spencer knew he felt something special for her.

Y/n hadn’t known about her feelings for Spencer until a while after their friendship had started. Just one day out of the blue, she found herself watching his as he spoke, completely entranced by what he was saying. She was amazed by him, and captivated by the way his lips moved as he spoke. From then on, she couldn’t stop staring at him. She started to notice how attractive Spencer was. Soon, she was completely smitten with him. 

G = Gentle

(are they gentle? if so, how?)

The two of them are so gentle when they’re together. They love soft touches, and gentle kisses. Spencer is always so gentle with Y/n. He acts likes she’s a fragile piece of glass that needs to be held with care. With anyone else, Y/n wouldn’t like being treated that way, but because it’s Spencer, it’s just endearing to her. She, as well, loves to be gentle with Spence. She likes to massage his face and just leaves soft kisses all over him.

H = Hand/Hold

(how do they like to hold? how do they like to hold hands?)

Spencer and Y/n love holding hands; they just love touching in general. If they aren’t holding hands, they’re interlocking pinkies, or their arms are brushed against one another. They just like to be sure that they are near one another. They like to have that physical touch to connect them at all times. 

I = Impression 

(first impressions)

Spencer’s first impression of Y/n was that she was undeniably beautiful, and that he really wanted to get to know her. She was sitting along in the coffee shop, reading a book that Spencer had read several times over. He was excited to see someone reading it as it wasn’t a very popular selection. Naturally, he was drawn over to her. Once he heard her talk, it was over. She had such a way with words, and a way of explaining her thoughts that really made him want to get to know her more.

Y/n was definitely a bit skeptical when she first met him. She thought it was a weird style of flirting to talk so passionately about the book and his thoughts on it. Once she started to get a better feel for him, she realized he wasn’t flirting, and just being friendly. She would soon find out how awkward and bad at flirting he was down the line.

J = Joker

(are they into pulling pranks?)

They aren’t too much into pulling pranks on one another, but occasionally they have small prank wars. They’re never extreme though, it’s always very small pranks like hiding the remote when one of them wants to change the channel, or Spencer changing Y/n’s ringtone to be him singing to her. 

K = Kisses

(how do they kiss?)

Y/n and Spencer love to kiss one another. Y/n loves to pepper small, short kisses onto Spencer’s face to make him laugh all the time. Beside cute, little kisses, Spencer and Y/n just get lost. They often find themselves lost in one another when they kiss. They often get so out of breath after they kiss because of how wrapped up they get in it. Kiss are always steamy and heavy between the two of them, showing exactly how much they love each other. 

L = Love

(who said I love you first?)

Spencer was the one who said he loved her first. Ever since their first meet in the coffee shop, ever since he forgot his lunch and knew he loved her, he was sure. While Y/n was the one to initiate them dating, Spencer’s feelings had grown so strong, he couldn’t stop himself from just blurting it out. 

It wasn’t even planned, it wasn’t something cute or romantic. Spencer and y/n were cuddling in bed trying to fall asleep when it happened. Y/n was laying on Spencer’s chest, just listening to his heart beat and breathing in his scent. Spencer ran his fingers through Y/n’s hair, a contempt smile on his face. Before he could even think, he confessed his love for her. Once it happened, the hand running through Y/n’s hair froze, and his heart sped up. Y/n lifted her head from Spencer’s chest, grinning, and whispered those three words in return.

M = Memory

(their favorite moment together)

Spencer’s favorite memory of the two of them was when he was coming back from a case. It had been a long one with the team gone for a week and a half. Spencer was drained, and his body was sore. At two in the morning, Y/n was still sat up on the couch waiting for his return. Once he set his eyes on her, he noticed what she had around. Y/n was sat with some candles burning for a soft light, some oil sat out, and his favorite DVD waiting in the player for them. Spencer had ranted to Y/n a few hours before about how sore this case made him and how draining it was. It was a very pleasant surprise when Y/n was waiting to give him a massage and put on his favorite movie. 

Y/n’s favorite memory of them was really any time Spencer gets flustered around her. Even though they’ve spent such a long time together and are super comfortable together, Y/n still loves those rare occasions where she can make Spencer flustered like when they first started getting to know each other. Y/n thinks it’s so adorable when Spencer get all blushy and starts lightly stuttering. She thinks it’s endearing how he still gets flustered and entranced by her. 

N = Nickel

(do they spoil? do they buy the person they love everything?)

Y/n spoils Spencer so much. She’s always surprising him with new books, new clothes, random things he points out at stores, and so much more. Y/n loves to give to her lover, so buying things that she knows will make him smile is one way she shows him her love. Sometimes Spencer likes to return the favor. He’ll treat her to her favorite dinner, buy her new jewelry, but it’s mainly Y/n who loves to spoil him.

O = Orange

(what color reminds them of their other half?)

Y/n thinks Spencer is like the color yellow. She thinks he’s yellow because of how happy he makes her. He’s like the sun to her day, and the person that makes her the happiest. 

Spencer thinks Y/n is like the color pink. He thinks she is pink because of how bubbly and happy she is all the time. She’s always there to cheer him up when he’s upset, and she always has a positive outlook on everything. Spencer is so lucky to have someone so optimistic to spend his time with. 

P = Pet Names

(what pet names do they use?)

Y/n’s has multiple pet names for Spencer. She calls him baby, which is pretty common. She’s also taken up pretty boy from Derek, and similarly, she calls him handsome. 

Spencer’s favorite nickname for Y/n is just baby. He likes calling her baby because, well, she is his baby. Spencer thinks the nickname fits for her because of how soft and gentle she is, especially with him. 

Q = Questions

(what are the questions they’re always asking?)

They’re always asking really wholesome questions. “How can I help you?” “You know I love you, right?” “Are you sure you love me more than squiggles?” (their cat) “Why did you eat my bagel?” 

R = Rainy Day

(what do they like to do on a rainy day?)

On rainy days, they like to stay inside. They like to curl up by the heater or the fireplace, and cuddle. Rainy days are good for cuddles and sleep, at least that’s what Y/n and Spencer believe. They like to just spend the day relaxing, cuddling, reading together, and sleeping. 

S = Sad

(how do they cheer themselves/each other up?)

When either one of them is sad, the other one can always cheer them up. Spencer can always cheer Y/n up just by giving her attention and love. When she’s sad, he knows to just be quiet and hold her. The warm hold of her boyfriend is just what she needs. In his arms, she instantly feels more relaxed and less upset. 

When Spencer is upset, Y/n can’t just wait for him to talk to her because he never will. Spencer likes to bottle up his feelings and brush them off like they’re nothing. Y/n knows to sit him down with some warm tea, get him all comfy and be there for him. She reassures him that his feelings are valid, and gets him to talk out what’s been bothering him. Releasing his emotions to his loving girlfriend is just what he needs in times of sadness. 

T = Talking

(what do they love to talk about?)

Spencer and Y/n talk about anything and everything. They talk about planning dates, they talk about starting a family together, how many children they would want, they reminisce on and memories together, talk about Spencer’s line of work, and everything else under the sun. 

U = Unencumbered

(what helps them relax?)

Y/n loves bubble baths; especially if they’re with Spencer. She likes to sit in the bath, back to his front, as he washes her hair. It’s something so relaxing to her: the feeling of his fingers massaging her scalp. Soft, gentle kisses pressed into her neck and shoulders help her relax even more. 

What relaxes Spencer is reading. Sitting down by the heater or fireplace with Y/n curled into his side is where he will always want to be. He loves to have a good book in his hands and his girl right up against him. It’s so relaxing, and always puts him in a better mood. 

V = Vaunt

(what do they like to show off? what are they proud of?)

Y/n shows off Spencer. She loves to tell people all about how smart he is, how brave he his, delving into his job. She’s so incredibly proud of him and everything he’s accomplished, so she can’t help but show him off. Every time Spencer goes on his information tangents, Y/n is so fascinated by him. She’s thinks it’s incredible how brilliant he is, and how lucky she is to be the one to witness it. 

Spencer, shockingly, also likes to show off Y/n. He thinks she is the most beautiful girl in the world, and loves to show her off to people. Not just for her looks, but when people meet her, they instantly see how sweet she is. Spencer loves how kind and compassionate she is, and he wants everyone else to witness that as well. 

W = Wedding

(when, how, where do they propose?)

Spencer has been planning on proposing for a long time. He wants it to be some place that holds a lot of meaning to them. His proposal spot is the cafe they met at. After their meet, it kind of became their spot. Every morning when they could, they’d go to that same cafe. That’s why Spencer thought it would be the perfect place. 

They could go early morning like they usually do, when barely anyone was there. Spencer would place it on top of her favorite cupcake, one that she would order every time they got there. Once she sees the engagement ring sitting on top of the cupcake’s frosting, she’ll start tearing up. In the midst of her tears, Spence will give a short speech of how much he loves her and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. She’ll say yes, and they’ll have a beautiful Autumn wedding. 

X = Xylophone

(what’s their song?)

Their song, as lame and cheesy as it sounds, is Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis. It was one of Y/n’s favorite songs growing up, and when she showed it to Spencer, it instantly reminded him of himself and Y/n. From then on, they would always play it gently in the background while they read together, while they cooked, while they cleaned, anytime. It would also be the first song playing at their wedding. 

Y = You’re the ___ to my ___

(ex, the cookies to my milk, the macaroni to my cheese)

You’re the Harry to my One Direction. Obviously, when Y/n tried to tell Spencer this, he had no clue what she was talking about. Y/n tried explaining it was a member of a boyband she liked, but he wasn’t really following. 

Spencer would say she’s the sun to his Earth. She’s the one person that he is so dependent on. He loves her so much, his world basically revolves around her (as cheesy as that sounds). 

Z = Zebra

(if they wanted a pet, what pet would they get?)

Since they already have a cat together, Squiggles, I think they would definitely want another cat. They think cats are lower maintenance, especially with how Spencer’s schedule is. They’re both cat people over dog people, so another cat would be the ideal for the two of them.  

[burnedbyshoto]

reincarnation

— Five chances to fall in love. Five reincarnations to find the person you’re destined to be with. It just so happens that in each life you keep meeting a man with brown hair and a sweet involvement of primroses —

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: kaibara sen x fem!reader

warnings: soulmate au!, reincarnation au!, royalty au!, fake dating au!, college au!, villain!kaibara au!, fluff, angst, cursing, alcohol consumption

word count: 11,820

a/n: this is for the bnharem flower server collab!!!! check out the masterlist here, its pretty dope as fuck!!!! also I know dat none yall know who he is because we sleep on class 1-b, but i worked so hard on this and I wrote it in a single day, and its 4 am rn and im exhausted so pretty please help a girl out and just read it ;-; I also tried out a new... voice??? idk how to even explain dis, but yes huzzah!!!! kaibara sen rights!!!!

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The world is a fantastic place.

And to my beautiful reader, know that this is a world where soulmates exist. A world where someone is created flawlessly for you is someone who holds you to the highest symbol, who carries you through the most significant highs and lowest lows without a whine or grievance. 

A soulmate is destined to be yours, but sadly they are hidden within the world. 

My dearest reader, you only have five chances to figure out who your soulmate is. Five reincarnations to figure out who the one who is meant for you. Lucky for most humans, soulmates are found within the first two reincarnation cycles but heed this warning.

At the end of you and your soulmates twenty-first year, you must find each other and fall in love. Should you fail to find and love your soulmate, you’re put into another reincarnation to try again. Each attempt is marked on your wrist, a Roman numeral to indicate whether you have succeeded or failed. You will carry the rest of that reincarnation unable to ever see your soulmate ever again, but when the tattoo changes colors, you know the person you love is the one for you.

Good luck, my dearest reader, this is a challenging journey, but I know that you will do well.

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“It’s been a while since I’ve seen someone on their first reincarnation!”

Your eyes looked up to the handmaiden, who was currently helping you dress for the ball tonight. You were to wear a heavy dress of silks and satin sitting prettily on your body, the detail exquisite, the meaning behind each embroidered flower astonishing. 

You knew that the importance of your appearance was paramount as the daughter of a duke and duchess. You could very much be a future Queen consort considering that the royal families were dried of ladies. This was to be a ball in your name, a moment for courting, and arrangements to be made. 

At the age of eighteen, it was much later than other people would have expected it to be, after all, most balls such as these were to be done in the sixteenth year, definitely not the eighteenth. Two years truly made a difference.

But to your parent’s advantage, it would mean that by tonight you would most likely be engaged to some man you had been educated on years before. 

Glancing down at the small Roman Numeral I on your wrist, you smiled, nodding your head. Around this area of the world, most people already seemed to be on their second and third reincarnation. For all that was good, your parents themselves were on their third and second reincarnation. They weren’t soulmates but figured a life of leisure and power was better than a life of love since they had more chances.

“I know that I am the only one on my first reincarnation cycle around here,” you sighed, your manicured finger tracing the innard of your wrist. The red ink was strong against your skin, so strongly procuring against your skin, a statement of your isolation from your soulmate. 

Long ago, you had learned about soulmates, you remembered the warm light that held you in your earliest memories that explained the concept, and you further learned more as you grew. A near 75% of the population encountered and fell in love with their soulmate on their first reincarnation. Of course, once you fell in love and lived happily ever after, that was it for you, or so that’s what everyone claimed as there had been no true love gold ink gracing anyone’s wrists on their second or so on reincarnation. 

You were a bit of a romantic, keening in the thought of having someone perfect for you. Inexplicably yours, impossibly perfect for you.

You often wondered if you had already met your soulmate, but the barring symbol of no one else having a roman numeral one on their wrists made you realize it was no one you already knew.

“Mrs. Lane?” you spoke, your fingers twisting into the silk undergarments you wore.

Your hair was done already, the makeup sitting beautifully on your skin. But there was an undeniable fear in your eyes when you brushed over the mirror before you. 

“Yes, Your Grace?”

“Have you met your soulmate already?” you asked, your stomach twisting in the thought of what may happen tonight. Could you really handle maybe passing a handsome gentleman or a beautiful woman with a Roman numeral one on their wrist and resist not immediately believing it was your soulmate?

“I have,” she nodded, exposing her slender wrist to you, the gold Roman Numeral II shining beautifully in your gaze. “He works in the palace, actually. Why do you ask, Your Grace?”

A soft smile graced your face at the sight of the golden ink. For too long, you had only seen it within your literature. Never once having been exposed to it in your world that was heavily plagued with those who cared more about politics than love. 

“It just occurred to me that I had never once asked if you had,” you smiled, your fingers letting go of your tightly held undergarments. “But let us carry on, my guests should be expecting me soon.”

~

Balls were glamorous and needless to say, quite fun.

The music was lively, the food was exquisite, and the people were merry and handsome as they danced around the floor. Most balls you attend always leave you rosy-cheeked with both alcohol in your blood and from the rounds of dancing you would participate in, but tonight was different. 

Your cheeks were rosy with exhaustion, hours of being twirled along the dancefloor, terribly bleak conversations going on between you and a hopeful courter, and the refusal of alcohol from your parent’s behalf. They wouldn’t have you messing up their only chance of seeing you married to the Prince, who was duller than a rock. 

Your feet hurt with the unforgiving throb of the tight heels you had to wear, and in this moment of peace, you wanted to cry when you watched two men come to approach the table where you sat between your parents.

“Your Grace,” the older man bowed lowly, his most likely son bowing as well.

“Duke Kaibara, what do we owe this pleasure?” your father spoke clearly and eloquently, the smile on his face charming, but you knew better. 

He didn’t want a marriage of equal status — especially not when the Kaibara family was known for their war abilities, which were meaningless in a time of peace.

“My son wishes to have a dance with your own daughter,” Duke Kaibara spoke with a transparent lie painted on his face.

Attempting not to scoff, you glanced over at the man who stood beside the Duke.

He was reasonably tall, his stature befitting of someone of his class and quite honestly much better than the Royal Highness himself. Unruly dark brown hair that you could tell immediately had his servants in a craze to put into the slicked-back style it was attempted to be in, the few strands falling into his eyes, making him more comfortable to look at. His eyes were as black as midnight, shining bleakly yet with stern sharpness to it that had you questioning his stoic aura. 

The black of his suit was also adorned with pops of gold and royal blue, definitely a commander.

“Y/n would love to accompany him for a dance,” your mother spoke, her hand pressing against the back of your dress, lifting you up to stand before you could even think of protesting.

“I’m glad,” the Duke laughed heartily, and you sighed quietly.

With your hand pressing into his own, both of you walked in silence to the dance floor. 

The song began, one that involved more one on one time and less prancing with everyone on the dancefloor, and you were unsure whether you appreciated that at all. On the one hand, it would have saved you the horror of having his smoldering eyes everywhere on you, but it also meant you two could waltz around without a care.

“I don’t care to marry you,” he spoke suddenly, catching you off guard immediately. “As a matter of fact, I had no desire to come to your ball.”

“Well, that’s a bit rude to say,” you splutter, your fingers digging into his shoulder while you nearly stumbled in your box step. “There was no need to tell me that!”

“My father thinks that because we are both in our first reincarnation, it will give some leeway into having our union, but he is too much of a romantic.”

“And just who are you exactly, Your Grace? I know of your surname, but if you are going to be speaking to me so brashly, I have the right to your birth name.”

As the two of you spun against the floor, the throb in your feet ignored; his eyes came down to meet yours in a piercing gaze. Was he shocked by your lack of submission?

“Sen,” he spoke, his lips pursing. “Sen of House Kaibara.”

“Well, Sen, you are incredibly rude!” you flustered, smoothly moving with him with the sudden pick up of speed in the music. “Even if you are not here for my hand, the least you could do is pretend!”

“You looked like someone who appreciated honesty, Your Grace,” there’s a glint in his eyes. Something you can’t quite pin or understand, but it sends your stomach into a loop at the way his lip quirks with his words, and how his eyes narrow almost as if in teasing.

“Oh, I definitely am, but even that was too honest for our first conversation,” you bite back, your long ruined lipstick-stained lips pulling into a smile. “Have you never been around a lady before? You should really be paying attention to your etiquette classes, Sen.”

“Are you really lecturing me on my etiquette while calling me Sen?” he asked, his jaw-dropping just the slightest in disbelief, using a heavy hand on your waist to pull you in and twirl you out of the way of a drunken pair of dancers. “I think it might be you who needs to be paying attention, Your Grace. Especially if you are defying my every word and not turning into a submissive rock at my commands.”

“It is a woman’s job to make sure a man knows their place,” you snickered, twirling with the beat of the song. “I am simply doing that.”

Kaibara’s mouth opened, words almost daring to pour out, but alas, the song was over.

The two of you parted, bowing to one another while the other dancers did the same while everyone cheered and rejoiced in their ability to dance to this song.

“Would you like to go on a walk with me?” Kaibara asked, his hand reaching out towards you. 

“I don’t care to walk with you,” you breezed, quickly repeating his first words to you ever. “But I assume it will be better than returning to the table to be sold off.”

Although Kaibara’s stoic face had long remelted over his face, you couldn’t deny the glint of amusement in his eyes at your words. With yet another outstretched hand, you took it, and off the two of you went. Away from the party and into the cold night.

The both of you wandered aimlessly through the gardens of your estate, the hedge labyrinth being something you went through with him under his predictions as you already knew the answer to this puzzle. 

You felt at ease with Kaibara, the initial belligerence of his personality seemingly disappearing the more you talked with him. He was still quite aggressive, his words clear, loud, and intentional with each speech he made. But you found yourself enjoying it more and more, especially after the two of you bonded over the spinning fountain in the royal palace. 

“Do you like flowers?” he asked when the two of you sat against a stone bench.

“Depends,” you hum, placing a finger on your chin. “I am less than thrilled with flowers with thorns. Do you have any idea how many idiot men have given my flowers with thorns in them?”

“I will assume a lot?”

“Three! That is three too many!”

Kaibara laughed merrily, his hand running through his gelled unruly hair, while his head dipped back to stare at the sky. 

“I’ve only gifted someone a flower once, and I did not go according to plan.”

Your eyebrows scrunched, you studied the man who stared up at the sky in a way that looked like he would fight the gods themselves should they appear. The soft glow of the halls barely reached this side of the garden, but with the help of the heavenly moon, you saw him clearly. He was a stranger, you knew that, but there was something about him that called for you, pleading you to learn more about him — everything about him.

“What was the plan?” you asked softly, your bare foot hitting his leather-clad shoe with a pointed toe. He had helped you take off your shoes the moment you entered the garden.

“Well, we were the same age, as you and I are,” Kaibara nodded, his hands pressing to the bench behind him as he shifted his weight to lean on his hands. “As I spoke earlier, my dad was a romantic, and embarrassingly enough, I was too at one point…”

He trailed off, and your head tilted, you felt like you knew where he was going with this.

“I offered the girl I loved a red rose, but she told me that we would be wrong together. She was on her second incarnation, and I was on my first, so there was no way we could be destined for one another,” Kaibara confessed, his tongue wetting his lips while he shrugged. 

“That is quite unfortunate,” you frown, your gaze dropping to your hands. 

“It was.”

The two of you fell into a tense silence, your mind unable to procure any form of thought to ease the tension between the two of you. But you looked up and saw a bush of white primroses before you. With a surge of confidence, you stood up and took a single primrose from the bush. Returning to Kaibara’s side, you placed the primrose in his hands.

“You may not appreciate this primrose, but our estate is known for the primrose, it's a trademark of my family. You may not have found your soulmate yet, Your Grace, but when you do, they will be amazed to call you theirs.”

Kaibara’s hold on the white flower was delicate, his fingers twirling the stem between his fingers while he sat there. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, and he nodded, his eyes warming up while he locked eyes on you.

“You’re a bit weird, you know that y/n.”

“Only those I trust know that,” you winked, further delighting in the way that a crooked grin sat on his face.

Unfortunately for you after that night, you would never have one like that again. The arrangement to marry His Royal Highness was set, and you would never see Kaibara again after your wedlock to the Prince that happened on your twenty-first year alive — not that the two of you realized that.

You long after passed away.

You lived a happy life, a full life, but the thoughts of his Grace Duke Kaibara Sen always plagued your mind no matter what you did. How you wished that he was to be reborn too so that you could possibly meet him once again.

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“Sen, leave my primroses alone!”

“I just can’t believe you still have these?!”

Your face was abnormally warm while you stared at your childhood friend Kaibara who was currently walking around your entire room, deliberately, and horribly going through your personal belongings. He was in workout clothes, black gym shorts, and a grey t-shirt under a yellow windbreaker; the sight of him so comfortable in your room made you a bit more embarrassed. 

The two of you had been friends for forever! Your parents were best friends and soulmates, so they figured that both of you would be soulmates. While it had been a cute and innocent thought when the two of you were young, it wasn’t so nice with the two of you nearing twenty-one and with no actual relationship in sight. How your parents found each other on their first attempt was beyond you, especially since you had the exact ii marked on your wrist.

But the worst part of your parents trying to convince both of you that you were soulmates was the thought that the two of you had once sort of dated. It had happened in secret, after all, both of you agreed should your parents find out it would equate to some block party celebration — which both of you didn’t want.

Still, the two of you were only sixteen when it happened, and while it could have happened that the two of you were meant for one another considering, you shared the same birth year and were on the exact reincarnation it didn’t work out. You loved Kaibara, you indeed did, but the romantic feelings between the two of you quickly burned out. Thankfully, it hadn’t made anything genuinely awkward between the two of you, and your parents never knew!

Win-win!

But the first memory you ever had of Kaibara and you, it involved a primrose. It was spring, and he had found a bush full of them, and with his chubby baby hands, he had picked them out for you and gave it to you. You had loved it, and it seemed to become an unspoken tradition between you and him.

Every significant moment between your lives, he would always give you a primrose, even when they were out of season. 

The last time he had given you a primrose was when both of you graduated high school and went onto college. He had gone to a different one from you, and it was like facing death itself when you no longer saw him in your classes. Nowadays, the two of you only saw each other during breaks and the occasional facetime.

So in the middle of summer break, he was over in your room after a run — judging everything you were saving apparently.

“I should destroy these flowers; they’re not supposed to be kept like this,” Kaibara sighed, the stems of the dried and pressed flowers so brittle between his fingers. He looked back down at the box he had found, his free hand stretching out towards your storming figure to keep you at bay. “Damn, y/l/n, did you really keep every single primrose I ever gave you?!”

“It’s sentimental, asshole!” you cried in embarrassment, your hands trying to grab the box that indeed held every primrose he had given you with a tag that had the day you got it and why.

“How have I known you my entire life and still not know this about you?” Kaibara grinned, his knees bent, and ass jutting out to keep you from nearing too close.

“I’m going to kill you!” you sobbed, your fists beating into his back while he simply continued on.

“I haven’t seen you face to face in months, and you’re going to kill me? You’re sort of the worst best friend ever,” Kaibara admitted, finally relenting and letting go of the box and leaving your possessions alone. 

You quickly covered the box, grateful that he hadn’t destroyed anything, and sighed when you put the box back in your bookshelf. Out of sight, out of mind for now.

“I do have a favor to ask of you,” Kaibara admits, your bed groaning quietly under his weight while he sat on your bed. Your face immediately questioned his motives; you knew your best friend probably better than he knew himself, and you knew that there was no bliss in having him say those words to you. All your life, his favors had nearly landed you in the hospital after all.

“And what favor is this?” you asked, your arms crossing while you looked at him with your eyebrow raised. “Am I going to have to go egg your highschool rivals' house again? Oh! Am I going to tell your girlfriend to not be intimidated by me anymore?”

Kaibara’s grin melted away, a stoic and unnerved face glaring back at you. Being best friends with someone like him was not a good thing at times like this, it seemed.

“Then I’ll go ask Ami for help then,” he spoke without a hint of mercy, his hands pressing onto his lap to stand up.

“Wait, no, Sen! I was joking! Please don’t do this to me!” you whined, shoving him back down onto his bed so that he was sitting there with a still expressionless face, but his eyes gave him away. “Anyone but stupid, Ami!”

“Well, if you don’t want to help me, I’m not going to waste my time trying to convince you,” he pointed out with a slow blink.

How he got under your nerves sometimes.

“What do you want then?” you grumble, sitting down on the bed beside him, your arms folded and a pout on your lips. 

“I need you to be my date on top of pretending to be my girlfriend,” Kaibara replied immediately, his eyes resting on you with ease and grace. You looked ready to question everything he was saying, so he moved on to explain. “My parents were invited to a wedding, and I need to win a bet.”

“What kind of fucking bets are you making that it involves having a girlfriend? I thought you were anti-soulmates?” you question, your gaze unamused while your dark-haired friend raked his fingers through his spiky hair. 

“Okay, first of all, I just found your creepy primrose collection, so I know you’re still in love with me, but I’m going to need you to back off —” he dodged a punch you aimed for his shoulder— “But the bet was made because no one thought I could get a girl like you.”

“You can’t get a girl like me.”

“I already have, hello?”

You grinned at his look of discontent at your statement, but you finally sighed, your head coming to lean on his shoulder. You smiled, feeling his head resting upon yours, and a silent agreement was exchanged through this pose. 

“When’s the wedding?” you ask, your eyes closing at the gentle rolling heat emitting from his body.

“This Friday.”

“The theme?”

“Summer? I don’t fucking know.”

“How long have we been dating?”

“Seven months.”

“Oh, so detailed,” you softly sigh, eventually laughing when his fingers twisted the skin on your shoulder. “Do you still kiss like a twelve-year-old boy?”

“No,” he groaned, his hand covering his face. “We shouldn’t have to kiss anyways.”

You laugh more, your shoulder pressing into his a few times while you bite your lower lip, “I’m just making sure we cover all the bases.”

“Yeah sure,” he sighed, holding your hand in his. “Thank you for agreeing.”

“I’m going to look hot as fuck, and I expect to make sure that everyone at this wedding is starstruck by me.”

“I’m sure they will be.”

~

The apples of your cheeks burned from all the fake smiling you had done while exchanging hellos with the other guests you had never seen in your life at this wedding. It was the wedding for Kaibara’s boss, which explained why your parents were not here today — most parties had both your families in attendance after all.

“When Sen told us that the two of you were finally dating, I think I actually cried,” his mother told you, her hands grabbing yours when you sat beside her. As part of the favor, Kaibara had asked you to run most of the crowd control just because he was horrible at keeping things… not hostile. “Your parents told me that they didn’t know either!”

You laughed, your gaze flashing over to Kaibara, who was in the middle of a conversation with the guests who were sitting at his left. A coworker, it seemed, and if you knew any better, a coworker he liked just based on his body language.

“Yeah, it just sorta happened over a call?” you squawk unsure of how to handle this best. “I guess it helped that we’ve known each other for so long!”

She nodded her head, her eyes swimming with mirth and love while she sighed happily. 

“I can’t wait until it’s your wedding with Kaibara!”

With a nod of agreement, you were almost too excited when plates of food were distributed to you all. For the remainder of the dinner, you and Kaibara put up a solid front, the both of you falling into old habits of once being lovers to pull off this scam. It was the gentle whispers between the two of you, the silent exchanges, and the physical actions of your relationship that seemed to tie the story together.

“Y/n?” Kaibara’s female coworker spoke to you in the middle of a joking argument between you and Kaibara. You paused mid-rant, your head dipping towards the table so you could see her past Kaibara’s chest. 

“Yes?”

“Do you mind coming to grab some dessert?”

With no reason to say no, you nodded your head, a smile gracing your figure.

The two of you went over to the esteemed dessert table. Piles upon piles of sweets and goodies sat on the table that called your name while you skimmed around with his coworker.

“I’m Kimi, by the way,” she introduced herself when you zeroed in on a brownie.

“Nice to meet you!” you smiled, the name further confirming the fact that she was the one that Kaibara liked.

“Likewise,” she smiled, bringing a Rice Krispy treat to her plate. “Um, Sen told me about the bet, I know that it’s all fake.”

Your eyebrows raised, you hadn’t known that much.

“Don’t worry! I’m not spilling! This is a bet against Tsurabara, and I want him to lose anyways,” she quickly interrupted, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. “You two looked ready to start a big fight, so I thought it was best to get you out.”

A burst of soft laughter bubbled in your throat while you nodded, “Oh yeah, it’s okay! I’ve known Kaibara since we were in our mom’s bellies, this isn’t anything!”

Kimi’s eyes blinked rapidly, her eyes casting to the side in some sort of inferior action that you knew almost too well as the best friend of a handsome boy. “He likes you too,” you whispered, winking at her before walking back to the table to provide your fake-boyfriend and his parents with their favorite desserts.

But as you returned to the table, you were stopped when Kaibara stood up, his face set in a soft scowl, and his stare a mile away.

“Please go and dance with our son, y/n!” his father asked with sincere hope in his voice. “The two of you have been entertaining us this entire time, please go have fun!”

You wanted to say that it was fine, but it seemed in the three minutes that you had gone, Kaibara had been made to do this. He grabbed the plate of desserts in your hand, dropping them onto the table and led you out to the dance floor where everyone was gathered.

And as a slow dance came through, a weird sense of deja vu overcame you when he held you close. 

“I haven’t danced with you in years,” you mused when your wrists rested onto his shoulders, his hands warm on your waist. 

“And that’s my fault?” Kaibara asked, his eyebrows raised in amusement and annoyance.

“For sure,” you sighed your gaze stubbornly on his. “If you didn’t let me go to all those high school dances with a date that wasn’t you, I wouldn’t have this problem.”

“You’re a brat, you know that?”

“You say brat, but I prefer the term… aware of my worth.”

“You’re as equal in value as my pinky toe is.”

And even though there was never an awkward moment in your relationship with Kaibara, there was this melting that occurred between the two of you. Something invisible that melted away between the two of you while you swayed side to side while in his arms. Your head rested on his shoulder, and he lay on your head. A peaceful silence while you danced in time, a perfect movement between the two of you while the music seemed to fade away.

“I’m going to kiss you, okay?” he whispered in your left ear.

There was a weird yet pleasurable shiver that traveled down your spine with his hot breath against your ear. You liked it, but that still didn’t stop the twist in your stomach when you pulled away. His eyes were dark and serious, so very much Kaibara Sen it seemed.

“Okay.”

His lips met yours in a soft embrace. The smoothness of his lips softly parted between yours, dancing in different ways from your swaying bodies, and much more fulfilling than any other kiss you had ever shared with him before. Your fingers locked in the back of his hair, and he drew shapes into your back.

Kiss after kiss was exchanged between the two of you on this dance floor, each sequential kiss blazing your heart brighter and brighter until you realized that your heart was hammering disgustingly loud in your ears when he finally pulled away for the last time. You didn’t think that this favor would have landed you in the hospital, but with the way your heart failed to stop drumming violently throughout your body after the many kisses the two of you shared that day, it was hard to say that he didn’t. 

But after that day, you came to realize that you still liked Kaibara, but he didn’t feel the same way. You cut off contact with him when he started dating Kimi, and the two of you last saw each other Christmas on your twenty-first year alive. He was happy and in love, and you quietly sat with your head in the storm clouds.

After that… you never saw him again, which made you think that made your parents have been right about the two of you being soulmates. 

But you had to move on for this reincarnation, it seemed.

You lived, loved, married, and died.

The box of primroses he had given you your most prized possession until the day you peacefully passed away.

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“Can I please get a black roast coffee... in the biggest size you have,” you sniffle, your eyes red, fingers dabbing a tissue at the falling tears on your face.

“Uh, that’ll be seven hundred yen,” the man with the name tag Kaibara S. spoke.

You handed him the cents in your hand and waited for your receipt.

“This is only five hundred,” Kaibara slowly stated, and it seemed to push you over the edge because you began to bawl.

Primrose Coffeeshop was the only coffee shop that had discounts for broke college students such as yourself nearby, so it was the place you went to practically every day. So it was to no surprise to workers such as Kaibara to see that you were finally breaking down.

The world blurred in the time he told you that it was okay to not have the adequate amount since you were always buying things from the store, to someone quite literally leading you back to your mountain of textbooks and laptop, and the coffee coming out and being placed at your table. Through your tear drowned eyes, you looked at the assignment you had to write.

Twenty pages of research for something you didn’t understand at all. 

“Are you okay?” a voice interrupted the hiccuping snuffled sobs that continued to pour from your mouth.

With a tear-streaked face, a wet nose, and blotchy skin, you looked at the dark brown haired barista who seemed to have gotten off of his own shift. His apron rested on his forearm, his hair still pushed back with the hairband that sat on his face, and his clothes were plain and simple. His face was pretty stoic to look at. Given the apparent discomfort in his eyes, he must have taken a lot to ask you this.

“N-No!” you sobbed, your lips trying to keep shut to stop the self-proclaimed horrible sobs that still tried to pour from your mouth.

“What’s… uh… what’s wrong?”

“My whole life is falling apart!” you laugh humorlessly, your hands slapping the coffee table with a pathetic sniffle. “I-I’m on my third reincarnation, and the statistics of finding your soulmate this late in the cycle have plummeted dramatically! My thesis for my p-paper isn’t viable anymore because I didn’t c-contact my professor on time. So I h-had to make a new one… I don’t even know!”

Kaibara remained silent, unsure if he should stay or leave. He had only asked because his coworker had been weirdly worried for you, and well… he did too, but this was a bit too much for him. Why couldn’t you have just said you were alright?!

“That… sucks, I’m sorry.”

You let out a choked sob, the veins in your face bulging in your attempt to just… stay quiet.

Kaibara stared at you, pity and concern seeping into his bones the longer he looked. With a sharp sigh, he pulled the chair out and sat down. “How can I help?”

Somehow from this one interaction, a weird comradery began between you and the barista you had ordered from for two years. 

In the span of an hour, he had helped you calm down, calmly instructing and aiding you in your academic endeavor to understand what you were doing. It was a paper for a stupid physics class you were forced to take, and thankfully Kaibara was a physics student himself. 

Kaibara introduced you to some reliable papers, explaining to you the things you didn’t understand in very perceptive depth and understanding that you didn’t get from your own professor. An hour into talking and you realized that you were no longer crying, your coffee went drunk to completion, and you were smiling while he pointed to different things on your screen.

“I’m y/l/n y/n,” you finally introduced yourself when he was standing to leave. 

“I know,” he nodded, a soft smile on his face. “You have been ordering from me with that name for two years now.”

“Well, it wasn’t ever an introduction, though,” you pointed out with a sigh. “Besides, this is much more official.”

He nodded in agreement, his hand pulling off the headband in his hair, letting his shaggy hair fall onto his eyes. “I’m Kaibara Sen, and I know you didn’t know my first name.”

“I did not,” you agree, your head bowing in both thanks.

He seemed to debate something in his head, teetering between telling you and not, but with a tilt of your head, and a lean towards him, he broke.

“I’m in here a lot, I don’t know if you’ve noticed? I work fulltime on top of going to school and guessing by the professor’s name, you also attend Tokyo University,” Kaibara said, his eyes locked onto yours. “If you want, I can help you out for the rest of the semester with physics. I know that it can be a hard class.”

“Are… are you serious?!” you gasp, your hands pressing to your mouth in undeniable joy and mirth.

“Completely.”

“I’d appreciate that so much!” you chirped, your body resisting the urge to hug him in your gratitude. 

“Okay, that’s good,” he nodded, his feet already moving towards the exit.

You watched as he walked to the door, but noticed that he hesitated when he reached the door.

Wordlessly he lifted up his left arm and showed off a tattoo.

iii

“I’m also on my third reincarnation,” he admitted with a shrug, and the embarrassing memory of your breakdown hit you heavily over the head while your face grew red hot. “It’s totally okay if you haven’t met your soulmate yet, that’s why we have multiple shots, right?”

You were for a loss of words, only managing to nod your head in stunned embarrassment. Kaibara smiled, his face genuinely pleased while he pushed onto the front door.

“Then, I’ll see you later, y/l/n.”

Like that, a friendship was born between you and the cute barista.

Without even this new tutoring system between the two of you, you had always shown up at the coffee shop every day, but now it was put at specific times — typically taking in mind his shift and class schedule. Day in and day out, he would help you out with physics, teaching you about work and joules and energy, and you, in turn, would buy lots of coffee and pastries and even helped him with his own work that wasn’t physics related.

You came to know more about Kaibara too.

About how he was born the same year you were, or how the both of you were a bit scared about the fact that you were on your third reincarnation. You both would even make up extremely extravagant stories of your past lives. Of how you were royalty and the smartest geniuses alive who had created the items you had used to this very day. 

Jokes of knowing Newton and Plato and Shakespeare never failed to make the both of you smile during moments where you weren’t worrying about your academia. 

Kaibara Sen was someone you could come to see could be very special in your life. His often neutral and stoic personality quickly melted away to become invigorating and chaotically loud. He was someone you would very much appreciate to be friends with, no matter what class you could have met him in or timeline you met him in.

“How do you feel about this year?” 

Your words were soft in the empty coffee shop, the warm sweater you wore snug on your body while you drank a new concoction Kaibara made for a future menu item.  It was something sweet, not overwhelmingly so, just enough that made it pleasant to drink without milk or sugar — not that you didn’t mind a cup of black coffee every once in a while.

“I’d rather not make it to a fourth reincarnation,” you heard Kaibara admit, from beside you, his face buried in the notes he was rewriting during your studying session. “This seems like a good time frame to have things end with the person I’m meant to be with. Nothing crazy is happening, it’s calm… I like that.”

“You have no sense of adventure Sen!” you laugh, your hands bringing the coffee cup to the table and writing down your thoughts and rating for the drink onto the yellow paper he had given to you for an official review. “I think I’m going to push it to reincarnation number five, I want to see the flying cars and moving cities.”

“I’m not sure if that sounds horrible or like a nightmare,” he dryly stated, flipping his notebook for the next significant section to write on.

“Don’t be rude,” you huff, your pen scratching out the mistake you made with a frown. “I mean, I wouldn’t remember anything, but it would still be nice!”

“And just who do you think your soulmate is?” Kaibara asked, his pencil dropping on his notes while he shook his sore and tired wrist out. He looked at you with a crooked grin that made you smile back, and he leaned in to whisper, “I can imagine that you’ve pictured what they look like.”

“How’d you know?!” you ask in mock surprise, your hand pressing to your mouth in a dramatic effect.

“You look the type,” he snickered, leaning back against his chair. “Okay, what does a lover boy look like, and what does lover girl look like?”

“Okay, so ideally, a male soulmate will look like a supermodel. Like the kind that just drives girls and older women wild because goddamn is he fine,” you whistle, your tongue wetting your lips in an attempt to mask your humor from this.

“Yes, I can see you with someone like that too,” Kaibara sagely nodded his head, his fingers now grasping the pencil in his hand. “Now, the other?”

“If it’s a girl… I don’t care, just as long as she’s super tall,” you sigh wistfully, your smile growing when Kaibara seems to agree with this information.

“You are ready to meet your soulmate, I’ve decided,” Kaibara announced his pencil scratching his paper as he began to write again.

“Oh thank you, kami-sama, please reveal to me the name of my betrothed.” 

“I will, under one circumstance, and one circumstance only.”

The smile that spread on your face was warm, your eyes looking at how his lips were curled into his own smile that he often enjoyed hiding from you.

“What must a mere stupid mortal like me do?”

Kaibara finished writing his section of the notes before pulling away, his eyes severe while they peered at you. Dark, serious, and very, very intense.

He often confused you; he was so dark and brooding at times but often melted into someone you could only describe as a twelve-year-old boy finding out that his parents installed his favorite game to whatever console he loved most. His eyes, despite their deep charcoal color, seemed to melt into warm chocolate the longer he held your gaze, and finally, he spoke:

“Go on a date with me?”

Your eyes blinked rapidly, and a sour feeling erupted in your chest at his words.

Oh no.

“I… I can’t,” you spoke, your eyes traveling to your lap, the previous warmth in your chest disappearing quicker than the speed of light.

Kaibara blinked, his jaw opening and closing repetitively, almost as if in confusion and misunderstanding of the situation. 

“Can I ask why not?” he spoke, but his voice had never sounded this hollow before.

“I’m actually seeing someone right now,” you admit slowly, your stomach twisting and knotting because dear god had you led him on this entire time? “We uh… we started dating a bit after you and I started talking.”

Kaibara’s face was void of all emotion, the deep chocolate gone from his eyes, replaced with only reliable bitter charcoal. 

“Are they… are they your soulmate?” he asked in the softest of whispers, a tone you recognized as someone who was doing everything in their power not to cry. His nostrils flared, and he trembled slightly, his stoic mask entirely see-through to you. 

“I hope so,” you admit, your fingers digging into your sweater. “I’m sorry, Sen.”

Kaibara’s lips press into a thin wavering line, and he shakes his head, “No, it’s okay. Um, let’s finish up?”

He didn’t accept the rejection well, although he was still a good friend and helping you out, you could read this man better than yourself; it seemed because you could see how much it pained him to sit next to you every day and help you. Study sessions diminished by a lot, his free time being occupied more and more until it was finally after midnight for new years, and despite whispering that you loved your partner at the stroke of midnight, the tattoo remained red — not golden.

 You visited the Primrose Coffeeshop the moment it was opened, and to your dismay, Kaibara had left the shop, and his phone number no longer worked. 

You stayed with your partner; both of you agree to just live out the rest of your life in love since you had been so sure of the other being your soulmate. But no matter how much time had passed, the shape of your soulmate began to resemble Kaibara, but you knew better than to wish for such silly things, especially in this world. For if it was true, there was no use to even trying to find him — after all, the world forbade it.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆ iv ⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

The world was emerging with the beginning of quirks.

There wasn’t a high population of individuals with quirks yet, but there was a growing number of them. People hated those with quirks, pushing backs against the “freaks” of nature, demanding that they get put down and killed without a moment’s thought.

Without a doubt, people with quirks would begin to fight back, some turning to villainy, some to vigilante work, and some to hero work. 

Everything was masked, no one could know anyone’s true identity, or else it would end in heads being chopped off. It was like a comic book gone wrong.

And you? You were a hero, someone just trying to get by because while you didn’t want to be a freak of nature, those with powerful quirks using them against the quirkless still was not a righteous society.

Right now, you were living the most perfect life.

A secret hero that the quirkless were starting to appreciate, keeping a big evil villain in check, succeeding in your job, and in love with none other than Kaibara Sen, who you were so positive was your soulmate.

You screeched as Kaibara held you over his shoulder. Your legs kicked as he threw you onto the bed. His grinning face blowing raspberries into your exposed stomach. Your howls doing nothing to stop him. 

“Stop it!” you shriek, trying to remove his lips from your abdomen. “I’m–Sen–GOING TO PEE IF YOU DON’T STOP!”

Kaibara pulls away, peppering kisses up your chest until he’s kissing you over and over again. Your lips can’t even form a pout from your exhaustion, letting him kiss you so weirdly while you lay in defeat. “If you peed yourself, I would have made you clean it up.”

“You’re the worst boyfriend ever!!!” you moan in exhaustion as Kaibara nuzzles his nose into the crook of your neck. 

“I know, it matches your worst girlfriend category too,” Kaibara grins against your skin, and your fingers tug at his hair, trying to get him to kiss you again.

“Mm, so I’m the worst girlfriend? I might call Silence on myself then,” you tease, your lips pressing against his. 

“I would fight her to keep you then,” Kaibara brushes your hair out of your eyes, and your eyes flutter. God, there was so much you would do for this man. You loved him so much, it hurt you.

“Alright, baby, I have to go! It’s ladies’ night!” you sigh into his mouth despite doing everything you could to keep him there. Kaibara’s hands keep you close to him as his tongue slips into your mouth. You moan in half-hearted defeat at the feeling of his tongue dancing with yours. 

“You can tell Fukuda-san she can rip you out of my fucking hands,” Kaibara growls as he sucks softly against your neck. You arch into him as you shake your head. 

“Stupid, she could totally beat your ass, and you have that — fuck, you have that meeting of yoURS!” you smack his chest when his fingers brush against your bare skin. “Kaibara Sen!”

“Fine, fine, fine!” Kaibara chuckles, pulling away, love lacing his eyes. “I love you, stay safe tonight? You girls can’t handle your liquor.”

You roll your eyes as you peck a last kiss to his lips. “Only because we go straight for the hard stuff!!!”

Kaibara walks you out of his house, and into your car. His face sticking through the window for some last kisses. You give him as many as you can until you have no more time to waste. “Okay, bye! I love you!” you chirped, finally driving off.

You watch as Kaibara continues to wave at you from the street, a smile on your face until you turn the corner. Your smile instantly drops as you’re far away. 

You give a call to Fukuda, and she instantly picks up.

“Hello? Are you ready? There’s a lot of activity going on tonight… I’m worried,” Fukuda’s voice cries, and you’re consumed with the smallest bit of guilt as you drive faster. 

“I’m sorry… where to first?”

~

You ran along rooftops, your eyes locked on the man running away from you. Your breathing is harsh, raspy. You’ve been running for almost an hour now, jumping and weaving through pipes. You’re trying to get to him, the one man you’ve been chasing for years now. The man that taunted your dreams. Your life.

Your eyes caught onto the rubbish on a nearby ceiling, and you threw out your arm. Yellow energy shoots from your arms as it attaches to the objects and falls. Trapping the man by high walls, and a fifty story drop. 

“Come on, you know you want to give in!” you pant as the man stops running, turns around, and his guard is up. His gaze concentrated on you entirely as you stopped in front of him. The yellow energy filling your hands as you raise your own guard. “Give in.”

“As much as I would love to wrestle it out with you, sweetheart, I’m in a loving relationship.” his voice is dripping with sarcasm as whirring noises emit from his skin. 

The two of you were among the minuscule population that had superpowers. A revolutionary feat that had the world in battle. You were a superhero. As if you were straight off a comic book, you fought against people who threatened those beneath them. Hell, most times, you were a glorified therapist! You really only hardly ever got into fistfights, but this man. This… vile man in front of you was an exception. He was cruel.

Using this power of his to create chaos and mayhem. It was not something you liked, you hated him for it, and you have been trying to get him. To corner him! But he was always one step ahead. A finger brushes away from you as you try to get him.

It was a dreadful and repeating dance now, one the two of you frequently explored. You would lunge forward, and he would take a step backward, you would spin out, and he would pull you back in. Even the way you two fought, it was fluid, sharp, deadly, yet melodic. The occasional locking fists could have been a dance had it not been for the fire in your stance.

The masks on his face covered everything on him, but you knew he was looking at you. The only thing you needed though, was to have him pinned to the ground. His wrists in a handcuff as you dropped him off to the police. Then you’d be able to go home to Kaibara, to tell him the only secret you kept from him. 

You ducked under his gyrating fist, something you had known too well as it sent you flying into walls on multiple occasions, but he stopped jumping backward when you rolled to the side.

“I will have to bid you adieu, my sweet Silence! Duty calls, and well, I’m merely here to distract you!”

Your eyes widened as an explosion blew in the distance, and you whipped around. You snap back through to see him waving goodbye, and you freeze. “Oh, no...”

You took off in the direction of the explosion, your heart hammering away as you near it. Screams and cries echoing through the streets as you jumped in to help. Your words aiding everyone in the fiery trap. “Don’t worry, I’m here for you!” You repeated over and over, but their pain never stopped.

~

“Hi, beautiful,” Kaibara says, walking into your room. Your eyes look up at him in the mirror, and your smile is affectionate. Kaibara is in a pair of dark blue slacks. A white button-up shirt that hugged his chest beautifully, and a black-tie with a jacket on. His hair combed back, overall, he was drop-dead gorgeous. 

The brown-haired man walks to you and hugs you by your waist. Kaibara’s eyes dawdling on your outfit as you turn your head to press a kiss to his temple. “Hi.” 

“Let’s go for dinner now?”

You nod your head, this dinner was a much-needed distraction from the explosion after all. “Yes, let’s go.”

The dinner is fantastic. 

You love the way Kaibara’s eyes burn like steady embers into you the entire night, his energy never once wavering. His hand held yours after the meal was over, listening to you all while he pressed fluttering kisses to the tattoo that reads iv. You giggle out his name as he refuses to quit, and your cheeks burn.

“Y/l/n y/n,” Kaibara states, and you raise your eyebrows inviting him to continue. “I met you years ago, and you’re… incredible. Your energy is intoxicating as is your smile.” Kaibara smiles as he kisses the back of your hand. “I love the way you hate Tuesday mornings, I love that you always jump onto your bed, you do not have to, but you do. You complete me, you make me want to be a better person, and I have only one thing to ask…”

Your eyes sparkle with unshed tears, and Kaibara presses up and kneels before you.

“Will you marry me, y/n? Would you do me the honor of being my wife?”

A black velvet box presents itself on his palm. A luminescent diamond ring shining against the light surrounded by primroses, the flower you said represented your love with him. Your tears shedding uncontrollably from your eyes while you grin like a fool.

Your head nods over and over.

“Yes!” You cry as you pepper wet kisses all over his face. “Yes, please! Yes!”

The diamond ring slips onto your finger, and you can’t even begin to describe your emotions as you kiss him. The cheering of the crowds disappearing as you hold him even closer.

He asked you for your hand that night, and yet you felt united in a whole other way. The overwhelming love between the two of you palatable the entire night.

~

You struggle against the wall, gasping as the villain holds you by your throat. You had foiled his next plan and were now paying dearly for it. 

You slam your foot into his crotch, and he grunts, letting you go. You collapse to the ground gasping for air. You stagger but act quickly, sweeping his feet out from underneath him. He falls to the ground, and you shoot energy from your hands, allowing you to smoothly and rapidly hop on top of him. You press your knees into his arms, and he hisses.

His legs sweep up, kicking you forward, and you tumble off of him.

So the two of you embark on another dangerous dance of yours. Fukuda screams in your ear about the dangers lurking around you if you don’t get out of there! But you had landed a hit, you were going to get him today!

You duck under a punch and shove a palm to his ribcage. He stumbles backward, you narrow your eyebrows as you lock an energy strand around his leg, pulling him in. You race over, but you miss the whirring of his skin. You’re blown backward, white-hot pain scorching your cheek, the mask on your face cracking in two. You gasp for air, the mask breaking completing as it falls to the ground. You couldn’t hear Fukuda yelling at you anymore as knees slam into your chest, and you wheeze.

Your eyes lock onto the villain before you. His arm cocked back for another devastating punch, but he’s frozen. His body is still. You don’t feel your energy power up, only that your arm is thrust up, and he’s thrown off you. A sickening crash is heard, and you sit up wheezing. 

You stare at the man, your vision dizzy, and you feel sick.

Not because you’re dizzy, but because of the face that’s revealed as his mask falls.

Kaibara.

His eyes are so vast, and your eyes are tearing up.

He can’t stand up, and you stumble to your feet, swaying where you stand.

“Get the fuck out of there, y/n!” Fukuda’s voice is yelling at you, and you flinch, finally hearing it. 

“Sen…” You whisper, your head shaking in disbelief. “You can’t be… how are you, Spinner?”

The villain’s name. The name you loathe, the name you refuse to use. You prefer ‘villain’ because giving him a name gives him an identity. A reason for him to be committing the atrocities he’s committed.

How was this man in front of you the person you loved with all your heart? 

You can’t remember running away. You only remember that you’re back in your house sobbing as you stare at the diamond ring on your nightstand.

~

You stare at the ceiling of your room. You feel hollow. 

Since that fateful encounter, neither one of you has attempted to reach out. Neither one of you calling, texting, or showing up. You hated it, but you couldn’t stand seeing him here. How could you ever talk to the man you love knowing who he was? What he was; what he is?

You knew everyone had secrets, but why was his secret this, anything but this…

The engagement ring is on your finger still. It makes perfect sense, everything tells you that it should be there. But it feels heavy… it weighs you down in more ways than its weight. Could you really forgive a man like him? Yes, he’s your Kaibara, but he’s also Spinner.

Notorious as the underground crime king. Spinner was someone you’ve been fighting since day one. It made you nauseous, just thinking about how that man was your Kaibara. 

How were they the same person?

The floorboards in your hallway creak, and you slam up. Your eyes concentrating on the doorframe. Your mouth runs dry as you stare at angry black eyes. His mouth pressed into a flat line as his hands roughly weave through his hair. 

It hurts knowing that it wasn’t a hoax. You knew Kaibara Kaibara like the back of your hand, and being able to read him now burned your throat and heart. You lick your lips as he steps closer, his eyes focused on you. 

“You’re Silence?”

“You’re Spinner…”

Kaibara shakes his head, his lips barking with cold humor as he can’t believe it. To be fair, you can’t either as you stare at his conflicted features. 

“I don’t understand?” he admits, his eyes swimming with confusion, anger, and yet longing. 

“You and me both,” you laugh bitterly, shaking your head as you look up at him. “Care to explain?”

“I don’t really want to.” Kaibara shakes his head, his smile sad, and you blink. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” you snap, your brows furrowing when you stalk over to Kaibara, who held his ground. “You’re the one causing all this mayhem, and you’re not going to even explain it to me?!”

“What’s the point, y/n? So that you can cry the next time we meet? You’re not going to give me mercy! You don’t understand! So why should I bother?!” Kaibara’s face clouded, angry, and focused. 

“Because you fucking love me!” you hiss, shoving Kaibara with your full strength. This entire time you’ve been able to pull off using mere fractions of your power. Enough to fight with Kaibara, but definitely not enough to send him stumbling backward. 

Kaibara’s black eyes snap on you as he gathers his balance. “Don’t do this.”

“I am a hero!” you tremble, your hands pulling at the roots of your hair. Your heart is racing in the worst of ways. You feel faint, ready to fall over, and never wake back up. “I save people nearly every damn day, Kaibara! I save people from you!”

There’s a glower on his face, and you know it’s because you’re putting Kaibara on a fence he doesn’t want to be. A wall that he hates. Kaibara always had something to say, he wasn’t one to pretend to not have an opinion, and so this was killing him.

“Some people in this world deserve to have checks,” Kaibara states, his steely voice calm, his eyes raging. “I don’t do anything to people who don’t deserve it.”

Your nostrils flare, and you can feel your throat thick with emotions. What the actual fuck was he on? “Really? Do these people deserve to die? People fucking deserve to get their life blown to shreds because of what? Because you think they’re corrupt? Oh, grow the fuck up, Kaibara! No, I don’t believe your bullcrap! Do you think I really haven’t tried finding correlations? Correlations for every single crime you committed? Yes, these people are terrible! But that’s why we have other ways of stopping them! You can’t play fucking god and decide whether these people deserve to live or not! What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

You’re pressed flat against his chest. Your chest heaving with lack of air and overwhelming emotions. Kaibara’s face contorted with anger. His black eyes flashing before sinking into blackness. 

Then you say words you wish you could regret, words that broke your heart as you said it.

“How can you expect me to love someone like you?”

He left your shared place after that. The year ended, and there was nothing to stop the tragic downfall of both Spinner and Silence, both of you never recovered from this moment.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆ v ⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Kaibara, is that you?!”

Your eyes looked at the brown-haired man walking into the hero agency where you were currently a sidekick in. 

It had been two years since graduating from UA, and you were here with Miruko, a signing that had honestly shocked many, many people when it happened. Sure enough, as an alumnus of UA and being a part of his rival classroom 1-A, it was a pleasant surprise to see someone outside of your classmates.

“Y/l/n?” he greeted you in return, his hands resting on his hips, his body completely decked out in his uniform. You guessed he started his day before you.

“It’s been so long!” you grin, stopping at his side with your hands clutched by your thighs, “How can I help you today?”

“Well, I need some help. I’m here to recruit you to help with Gang Orca’s mission.”

You watched him hand you a folder and immediately upon reading it understood why he was here for you. This was a job that was perfect with your quirk.

“I can help out,” you say after reading the file, a smile on your face. “Will you be there?”

“I am his sidekick, plus I gathered most of the evidence,” Kaibara shrugged, and you nodded.

“Okay, sounds good, Spiral.”

Kaibara smiled, his eyebrow lifted while he walked away. “Good, see you then.”

You and Kaibara always got along, maybe it was because both of you were the only people in UA who were on their fifth reincarnation cycle, but knowing you weren’t alone was always nice. He was still kind to you, even if he seemed bland at times, but you came to see that it was just… him. Regardless he was a formidable foe and a strong hero. Your only regret was not getting as close to him as you could have since the rivalry between the two classes never lessened.

The team-up mission went smoothly. The extraction of the hostages on top of capturing the brass of the cult, and stopping their influence on victims of their power was an excellent boost to your reputation and Miruko’s agency. Still, you had suffered minor injuries and had an EMT checking you out this very moment.

Your eyes fell on Kaibara, who was a few strides away. He had a nasty looking bruise on his jaw, a punch he had taken for you during your lack of attention. Signaling that you were fine now, the EMT let you go, and you walked over to Kaibara, your guilt looming heavy in your stance.

“Sorry for getting you hurt,” you apologized, your finger looming over the spot where he got hit on your own skin.

“No problem,” he brushed it off with a shrug of his shoulders. “You didn’t see it, plus you still got it handled in the end, which was much more important.”

“Yeah, but now I feel like I owe you drinks or something,” you huff, not at all pleased with how he was okay with this.

A silence fell over you two, the EMT avoiding eye contact as if this was like avoiding the plague. But with your vision glued to your feet, you didn’t catch the way that his eyebrows bunched and relaxed over and over in thought until finally, he spoke.

“I could go for drinks.” 

And so this night where you and Kaibara found yourselves at a bar with drinks in hands, did you realize that you wanted to actually get to know him. You didn’t want to associate Kaibara as the other fifth reincarnation cycle guy, or the guy from class 1-B, you wanted to know him for… him. 

It turned out, he felt the same way. 

Thus began a strange but quaint relationship between the two of you.

Kaibara ended up being a personality you enjoyed to be around a lot. He often danced between being a straight face and serious, to chaotic and enthusiastic, to sometimes straight-up aggressive and demanding. The fluctuation often amuses you, three different branches to his personality, much like the three spirals on his gloves. 

“I don’t think I’m ridiculous,” you point out, your finger following Kaibara’s walking form as he was grabbing the two of you drinks from his fridge. “I get that most people give up at this point, but I really do think I’ll meet my soulmate this time about!”

Kaibara looked at you incredulously when he sat next to you, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbow so you could see the Roman numeral for five tattoo on his wrist. “What makes this lifetime so special? Besides, we know that soulmates always meet in every reincarnation. If you and your soulmate haven’t clicked since the first cycle, what’s the point in fighting so hard at this cycle?” A frown overcomes your face, and you glare at Kaibara, who struggles to uphold a serious reaction. “I’m sorry, too far?”

“Shut up.”

His laughter fills the room while you turn away from him pouting. 

“So you don’t want to meet your soulmate?” you asked, trying your hardest to not sound too nosey but just the perfect amount of curiosity. 

“I’d love to meet my soulmate, don’t get it wrong,” Kaibara sighs, his back falling onto the back of the couch, his head tilting up to the ceiling. “But it’s… weird to keep my hopes up. With no memories of past reincarnations, it seems like I’m stumbling around in the dark.”

You hummed, your fingers bringing the drink to your mouth and taking a small sip from it.

“Would you like to go on a date with me?” you asked when you brought your cup down.

Kaibara looked at you, his eyes like the void, daunting dark yet beautiful, “Why?”

“Well, if this is going to be my last reincarnation, I don’t want to live a life of regrets,” you smile, your head tilting to the side. “I would always regret not asking you out.”

His face melted into one of softness and undeniable excitement at your practical confession, “As long as you think your class could handle you dating someone from class 1-B.”

“I think that’s more of a question of if your class can handle you dating someone from class 1-A!”

So the two of you began to date.

It took no time for you to fall inexplicably and wholly in love with Kaibara Sen; he was perfect for you. Day and night he was someone you could entirely rely on, never once would he slip up, always coming to aid you when you needed it and vice versa. There were still hard nights, after all, you were still human. 

But rain or shine, momentous fight or sweet staples of your relationship, the both of you always ended up in the same bed, holding each other close as night consumed you. 

Before you knew it, it was New Year's Eve, and instead of going out tonight, you and Kaibara decided to stay in. A feeble nervous attempt in the hope that the two of you genuinely were soulmates. Five reincarnations later, and now you would finally find out if he was made for you if you were made for him.

“I want to give these to you,” Kaibara spoke to you when you came to the couch, a hefty blanket in your arms that you planned on drawing the both of you in while you watched the fireworks display on a TV monitor. Today was your first day off in a while, and because the crime rate was notoriously low on this holiday, staying home together sounded better than a clashed reunion of your high school classmates.

Your eyes found the small bouquet of primroses in his hands, the pink and white flowers sitting charmingly in their tan paper. A smile spread across your face immediately, and you brought your lips to him in a chaste kiss.

“They’re beautiful, thank you,” you happily sigh, moving to sit at his side, snuggled comfortably against him with the blanket over both of you. “What do they mean?”

“I can’t live without you,” Kaibara whispered, his eyes locking against yours.

And with warm cheeks, you smiled earnestly and connected your lips against his. 

The bouquet went forgotten as the two of you continued your passionate kiss, the words of ‘I love you’ continuing to pour from your lips well past midnight. Hope and endearment fully saturated between your hopeful mouth.

And alas, my dearest reader, I’m glad to tell you that at last, you found the one meant for you.

Primroses graced each of your lives with Kaibara Sen; after all, they were the flower of love, a flower that also meant that you couldn’t live without the other — a real sign of soulmate love through reincarnation. And my sweet reader, the moment your lips removed from Kaibaras as the stroke of midnight passed, the words of love exchanged between the two of you with complete honesty, you’ll be pleased to know that the tattoo turned to gold.

[ljf613]

Colonization & Imperialism in ATLA

One of the things I’ve noticed in fandom complaints about the ATLA comics-- namely, “The Promise”-- and subsequently, LOK’s worldbuilding, is the way the narrative handles colonization. 

I see a lot about how what the Earth Kingdom chose to do with the former colonies is “none of Zuko’s (or Aang’s) business.” (I also see people talking about how Katara would never support colonialism, in any shape or form, no matter the circumstances.) 

And I just.... don’t vibe with those ideas? At all? 

Like, I definitely have problems with the comics-- especially “The Promise,” where all the drama centers around Miscommunications of Epic Proportions and could have been resolved in Part One if all the characters just sat down and listened to each other (not to mention that Aang would never have agreed to make that promise, nor would Zuko have asked it of him (Sokka would be a more obvious choice, but that’s a different discussion))-- but I never had any issues with their worldbuilding. 

I love the idea of Yu Dao, and the fact that the narrative acknowledges that a new kind of world has new kinds of problems. It makes sense to me that we can’t always just “give back the land we took.” And I found the idea of the end solution being  “give the people who live there their own��country” really cool and empowering. 

So I want to talk about why I feel this way. About what kind of real-world parallels can be made here. About some little-known bits of world-history that compare. 

(Please note that for this meta I am only going to be discussing the relationship between Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom. As far as I am aware-- and I could be wrong-- there is no real-world genocide quite comparible to what Sozin did to the Air Nomads, and most of the people alive in ATLA were not actually around for or involved in that. And the relationship the Fire Nation has with the Water Tribes-- and that the North and South have with each other-- is worth a whole separate analysis, and doesn’t deserve to just be shoved into this one.)

(Disclaimer: While this is in response to some of the interpretations I’ve seen on this site, it is not meant to discount or invalidate those fans’ views-- I’m just trying to show my take on it. I am a firm believer in the power of active discourse, and the value of looking at the same scenes through different lenses, rather than just getting one opinion and accepting it as Absolute Truth.) 

The main thing I notice in general ATLA discourse-- and not just on this topic, but in any sort of meta about the Fire Nation, colonization, and global impact-- is that the fandom mostly compares the war and its after-affects to real-world Imperialism, the Age of Imperialism, New Imperialism, and Colonization. 

And I understand why that is. In the grand scheme of world history, that era is still fairly recent, and we are still dealing with the afteraffects from it. It has shaped the Western World’s worldview on every level. (Not to mention that the Euro-centric way we’re taught history means that this piece of world history is the one we’re most exposed to, and so have the most understanding of and room to analyze/criticize.) 

However, there are a few issues with sticking only to this perspective. 

First off, the Age of Imperialism was a direct response to the Age of Exploration. This was the period of time when white Europeans sailed around the world acting as though they were discovering new places and pretending that there weren’t already existing civilizations there. 

[ID: Two dots meme, edited so that Guy A says “i’ve discovered a NEW WORLD,” Guy B replies “you didn’t discover ****,” and Guy A insists “i’ve discovered it” / End ID.] 

Now, I’ve mentioned this in passing, but the world of ATLA doesn’t appear to have had an Age of Exploration. There’s no vast “undiscovered” land masses, the four nations have always known about each other, and they all have a shared language. 

The whole foundation for the Age of Imperialism was “oh, look, there are all these ‘unexplored’ lands with resources ripe for the picking (who cares about the indigenous people, they’re just simplistic savages who don’t know what’s best for them), let’s see which European country can grab the most land first.” 

This was a race. This was sudden. This was Europeans coming in and taking over while viewing the natives as bothersome pests. This was about multiple major world powers competing over resources. 

This was not 100 years of active warfare between a single conquering country and the very people they were trying to conquer. 

The parallels don’t hold up. 

Secondly, by focussing only on this one kind of historical narrative, we ignore any others. 

I will admit that I have used the word “imperialism” in reference to the Fire Nation a time or two. However, upon further reflection, I realize I didn’t really mean imperialism, which is actually a fairly modern concept. What I feel the Fire Nation is really an example of is centralism and expansionism-- two ideaologies that have been a way of life for conquering empires throughout history. 

(I am in no way qualified to explain the differences between these concepts-- I recommend doing your own research if you’re curious.) 

The Persian Empire. The Greek Empire. The Roman Empire. The Byzantine Empire. The Mongolian Empire. The Russian Empire. The First French Empire. 

You could take any of these (or numerous others) and make an interesting analysis between the similarities and differences between their behaviors and that of the Fire Nation. And maybe I’ll do that someday. 

However, I started this to talk about Yu Dao and all of the other so-called colonies (I really feel like territories would be a better word, but, again, that’s a whole ’nother discussion), and I’d like to focus on that. 

FYI, here’s a basic history refresher: If two countries are at war, and then they decide to end the war, neither country is required to return captured territories. They can make a treaty and agree to do so, but there is no obligation to. The Fire Nation didn’t just march in and say, “this is our land now”-- they fought for it. They captured that land. Just because the war is over doesn’t mean they need to just give it back. 

Like it or not, that is the way the world operated for thousands of years, and so that is the interpretation I’m working with here. 

In any case, “The Promise” actually presents this as a three-way conversation. There’s Zuko (and, by default, the Fire Nation), Kuei (and, by default, Ba Sing Se and the Earth Kingdom), and the people of Yu Dao themselves. 

(My understanding of the Earth Kingdom’s style of government is that it’s made up of a large collection of different ethno-cultural regions who all answer to Ba Sing Se.) 

I’ll let Sokka explain it: 

[ID: Comic panel from Part Three of “The Promise.” Sokka and Katara are talking, both in obvious states of agitation, while Suki and Toph are looking at something in the background. Sokka is saying, “Let me see if I got this. The protestors and the Earth Kingdom Army want the colonials to go, the Fire Nation Army wants the colonials to stay, and the Yu Dao Resistance just want their city to be left alone?” Katara responds, “Yes!” / End ID.] 

The people of Yu Dao don’t care about the war. They don’t even really care who’s in charge. They just want to be left alone. 

This speaks to me on a very personal level, so I’m going to make another real-world comparison here: 

My ancestors first came to America to escape from the poverty and opression they were experiencing in a place known as “White Russia”-- that is, Belarus. To be clear, I am not talking about the country “Belarus,” but the region, which includes the modern-day countries of Lithuania, Ukraine, Belarus, Latvia and Moldova, as well as parts of Poland and Russia. 

I looked up White Russia, trying to find out how much information someone who didn’t grow up hearing stories about what it was like (that is, most of the people reading this,) might have. I didn’t find much. Most of what I found talked about political ideologies and such-- things that your average poor peasant, struggling just eke out a living, didn’t have much energy to care about. So let me paint a(n oversimplified) picture for you. 

Imagine you’re a poor shoemaker in a small town on the Russian border. You spend your days hard at work, trying to earn a living to support your wife and nine children. You’ve never left the town you were born in. One day you get the news: Russia and Poland are fighting again. Your two oldest sons (ages 15 and 17) are forcibly drafted off to fight in the Russian army; you never see them again and have no way of knowing if they’re dead or alive (they’re probably dead). Poland wins-- this time. Congratulations, your town is now part of Poland. 

Does suddenly being Polish make a difference to your life? Not in the slightest. Two or three years down the line, you’ll go back to being part of Russia again. This is the third or fourth time you’ve seen your town switch hands, and you can’t say you prefer one government over the other. It doesn’t really matter who’s in charge-- you’re still faced with crippling taxes, forced drafts, and various other forms of oppression. (It doesn’t help that you happen to be part of a persecuted minority.) 

(This is why I have many ancestors who may never have left the town they were born in, and yet records show that they were born in one country, got married in another, and died in a third.) 

This is the kind of worldview through which I am looking at Yu Dao. (Obviously, it’s not an exact parallel, but neither is the standard “colonizers vs oppressed natives” lens.) 

My ancestors eventually got fed up with the treatment they were receiving from their respective governments, and left to build a new life, in a new place. But the citizens of Yu Dao don’t have anywhere to go. The only two real world powers in this story are the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom, neither of which has ever before expressed any true interest or concern in the actual people of Yu Dao. 

The Earth Kingdom didn’t really care about the city before the war-- they were just another poor, struggling town, whose citizens were barely able to make ends meet. And while the Fire Nation may have helped the place grow into a bustling town, they also established a hierarchy that did not serve in the citizens’ best interests. 

And so, in “The Promise,” these citizens’ frustrations come to a head. “Enough,” they say, “we don’t want to be used as a pawn in your games anymore.” 

And Zuko and Kuei (and Aang) actually listen. They say “we need to start thinking about these people as people, not as symbols of one side or the other. It’s time to give them a say in their future.” 

And a new country-- a new way of life-- is born. 

(Is it perfect? Absolutely not. But it is constantly evolving and changing, trying to do better, be better. And that’s more than you can say about most of the other countries in this world.)

[demenior]

Dem’s Big Post About The Spn Fics Part 1/2

aka The Wrap Up to celebrate To Exist Again and To Become a Man now being finished!

(This will be a long post. This is your only warning.)

Admittedly this is a bit of a weird thing to be doing, but I wanted to try it out for 3 reasons: 

I love talking about my own work and 

It functions really well as a self-reflective tool for me to improve on, and 

I can answer some big questions people might have because there was a LOT of worldbuilding in these stories. 

We’ll start off with reflective stuff, and move into the juicier world-building focused stuff later into the post. There will be major spoilers for both fics to come!

To begin with a funny anecdote, Why Did I Write These Stories?

I was beginning to write and work out the story that I wanted to write for Spn (what will now be To Destroy a Man. As I was writing the scene, I realized I had a LOT of ideas and while I was trying to avoid as much exposition as I could, it became quickly apparent that I was needing to create my own au (this scene eventually became chapter 34 of To Become a Man). A short prequel seemed like a good idea, to quickly hash out the ‘prior’ events that I needed to go through so all the readers could be on the same page. While plotting out prequel points, I realized Sam and Dean were going to have drastically different experiences during the same time period, and I was trying to figure out who’s pov would be better for which scenes, and how to keep momentum when they’re going through such radically different types of changes. Ultimately I decided to split their povs, which I also thought would be a fun project! And I naively assumed each pov would take about 2 chapters each, rounding out to maybe 15k total.

I had my ending points: Dean n Cas soul-merged and (basically) married, Cas on the lam from heaven and a complete anomaly, and Sam juiced up full of powers and a weird mix of archangel and antichrist but still 100% human and ready to fight God. 

Now I needed to add weight to these changes, so I wrote 200k of build-up.

Am I proud of these fics?

OF COURSE I AM!!! These are the longest fics I’ve ever written AND finished AND in the fastest freakin turnaround ever (both were finished writing, barring edits, in like 6 months holy shit)

I didn’t write a single scene that I “didn’t” want to write. If I had trouble writing it, as in it was fighting me, I scrapped it. Most obviously was the scene in Dean’s pov where he and Sam were intended to meet some other hunters and Dean declines working with them because he’s nervous about being outed as queer. It was meant to be a good scene! I wanted to introduce some new characters! But it just wasn’t working so I said ‘thank you, next!’. 

But it means this story was an absolute joy to write. Because for a while all I was doing was ‘if I wanted to write one scene into supernatural, what would I write?’ and then just DID that!! It’s why there’s a lot of ‘Salmondean do dumb shit or have really dumb heartfelt conversations’ scenes.

Would I change anything?

If I’d been less eager to start sharing, I might have planned out the story beats a little tighter so there were less ‘soft’ chapters and a draw/pull for people to come back and keep reading. I felt Dean’s story specifically lagged at points and could have used some tighter editing (there was a noticeable lull in directed movement between Dean n Cas getting together, until Sam corrupts Amy).

I also probably would have held Sam’s story until I’d finished Dean’s so I could make the two line up better! Probably could have inserted more scenes into Sam’s fic that way, and made sure things were a little more consistent. In an ideal world one concept I had was to release 1 chapter from each pov every week that would correspond to the same time frame so we’d be getting real-time SalmonDean pov narrative. Unfortunately that didn’t work!

The biggest takeaway overall is for me to focus more on what moves the plot, and to make my scenes do more than 1 thing so I can cut down on wordcount and increase my efficiency. 

Of course every writer will find things they want to fix in anything they’ve ever written, so these are minor “mistakes” at best. I’m so dang proud of these fics. 

Onto more interesting things!

How Did I Put These Fics Together (because it’s different than anything I’ve ever done before)

Normally when I write a story, I plan out the beats I need to hit, see where I need to insert any kind of foreshadowing/buildup, and then write from A to B to C and so on and so forth. Hence, this is why I can normally post things as I complete chapters, because it’s all a linear progression. 

For these two stories, rather than linear plot/a normal story structure, I just sat and free-wrote any and every scene that came to mind and then pieced them into a kinda-linear form like putting a quilt together. You’ll note that this is why there’s not a lot of internal callback or a feeling of sense of time flowing within the fic (save for points where I went back and specifically edited it in). How long does the story take place over? Hard to say! Your author has the barest grasp on linear time even on a good day (how many times did I say ‘see you on [wrong day]’ at the end of chapters lmaaoooo)

This also meant EXTENSIVE editing on the back end once I decided in what order I wanted my ‘quilt pieces’ to be. Hard to say if this is a bonus or a negative!

But I did want to try and capture the vibe of the lives they lead, as a bit of a ‘slice of life’-style story, when the slice of life is the profound weirdness of the Winchester roaming life, and how things are status quo- until everyone almost dies oh shit!! And then they have to keep living because no therapy we die/undie like Winchesters. Do I think I captured this effectively? Hmm. Good question. 

Dem where the FUCK did the inspiration for a lot of the magic and creature weirdness even come from?

Honestly? Music, primarily. And completely mishearing lyrics!

Nightwish ‘Ever Dream’: the line is ‘my song can but borrow you grace’ and because my brain is scrambled eggs on a good day, I heard ‘grace’ ‘song’ and ‘borrow’ in that order and have had, for YEARS, the mental image of Cas borrowing Dean’s soul to power himself up for battle.

From there I’ve always been enamored with the ‘wavelength of celestial intent’ descriptor that Cas drops in s6 for “what he is”. 

I also really like ocean metaphors mostly because I’ve been obsessed with the ocean and things in it since I was like… 5??? So really this was me just rolling with what I know lmao. I love using (somewhat) accurate scientific metaphors for very intangible things!

I was also finishing my degree in biology/ecology while writing these fics and I think it shows

Stars ‘The Night Starts Here’ gives us the series title and the fic titles. Except for ‘To Exist Again’. TEA was almost titled ‘The Upwards Fall’ because I wanted all 3 of the Main Stories to have titles from this song, but I couldn’t make anything else work in tandem with the series name ‘The Love It Takes’ while also working for Sam’s personal story. So Sam, as always, is the rebel <3

Stars ‘Up In Our Bedroom, After The War’ is basically the vibes of the whole story. TFW has been, literally, to hell and back!!! There’s a bit of melancholy and sadness, a lingering dark, but the chance of a bright new tomorrow and a soft start.

Let’s Talk About Themes in The Story! What were you looking to accomplish? 

My earliest notes for TFW are, as follows:

Dean’s journey of self-discovery (who am I when I’m not trying to be Dad?)

Dean wants to settle down! He wants a big family! He wants to be domestic!

Basically: Dean doesn’t want to have a short life of hunting. He wants to live!

Dean’s journey of realizing he’s bi, and him accepting that

Dean’s relationship to Sam is both older brother/parent 

And continuing Dean balancing these roles while also letting Sam be an adult 

Dean’s Big Issues/Fears about never being good enough for people to want to stay with him (these are effectively highlighted in that Cas thinks he’s not useful enough to be wanted)

Sub Plot:

Castiel’s autonomy

Cas’ fall from grace, to trying to restore Heaven, to wrecking it further

He’s majorly depressed by the end of s7 (before purgatory)

Wants to stay in Purgatory but doesn’t tell Dean

Remains depressed after leaving, but resolved to keep living on because he’s clearly meant for something

After the seraphim reveal: does he have free will?! How does he grapple with this? How does he live in a way he can be proud of?

And lastly

Sam gets his powers back CAUSE THATS HOT

where tf did they go????

he got them from Lucifer?????

sleeper agent??????

Sam is The Chosen One

Accepts that he is More Than Human and to celebrate all parts of him

Lucifer and Sam friends?? Work together????

Sam needs autonomy in his choices/his life

If you compare these to the overall arc of TFW within the two stories, I think I got a lot of them! But you’ll also note a lot of these things aren’t concrete goals that are easily measurable (ex: Dean wants to learn to bake pie. In chapter 1 he starts a fire in the kitchen. By the end of the story he finally makes A Good Pie.) part of the lack of concrete milestones was why I felt it was important to tell Dean (and Cas’) story by going back to the point they meet, in s4! Dean’s gradual change towards his feelings for Cas, his relationship to Sam (heavily influenced by the s7 events of this fic) and then his own relationship with himself were such slow burns that I felt it would be a disservice to try and cram a change like that into a timeline like “1 year”.

I felt like these subtle changes and adjustments actually felt a lot truer to life-- people often change in very small, gradual ways over time, even without realizing it and often times not consistently! If only we could all gain skills like the sims, where we can easily level up and remain at that high level of performance! 

So the Guy Who Ate Satan, A Celestial Nuke that Developed Sentience, and Dean walk into a bar…

Sam’s story in Spn The Show has always been a ‘chosen one’ kind of narrative. Sam is living with one foot in the realm of the monsters, and I wanted to bring that back full force! It really makes sense for him that he should only continue to grow in power, might, and magic!! As the story progresses.

Cas also got a power up! I do desperately love in the show that he was kind of a grunt/nothing angel, and so even when he defected to TFW he was a huge help for them, but in the scale of things he was an annoying fly to most other angels. It really worked for the underdog story of s4/5. In this I wanted to give him a power up, and originally it was actually going to be close contact with Sam that eventually changed Cas into something unknown (you can still see traces of this in ch34 of TBAM, where Death remarks ‘Castiel could be [Sam’s] first creation’. But for a combo of reasons: how Sam’s magic needed to have intent, the entire concept of free will and consent, and how much I wanted Dean and Cas to have their effect on each other, I decided to go with the route that Cas has actually always been something angel-adjacent rather than becoming something new. TFW/Supernatural has always been about free will and making your own story, so I amplified that with Cas.

Dean has always been A Normal Guy, which is part of the appeal of him and Sam (2 normal dudes!) taking on the Very Not Normal. As explained above, Sam’s story is ‘normal guy finds out he’s the chosen one’ and so, in a story about very large concepts and huge monsters and acts of magic, I felt it was very important to keep Dean as normal as possible. To the point it became a running gag to me, personally, in that ‘no matter what cool shit happens around him, Dean has to stay as Just A Guy’. And it’s a very humanizing role that allows the story to have the scale it does!

What were the most important themes in your story?

Sam’s Autonomy

I wasn’t even going to include the plot about Lucifer’s death in this story— that was going to come up in a later story, actually! And rather than Sam having ate Lucifer, the original idea was that they’d become a SamandLucifer entity (this harkens back to a concept I wanted to write when Swan Song first aired). 

That storyline would have involved a lot of mental ‘Sam and Lucifer discuss what it means to live, which one of them is more worthy of life and if they do deserve to destroy the world for the pain they’ve been forced to go through, just to create the dichotomy of good and evil for everyone else’ discussions. There would be a lot of talk about how Sam hates and fears Lucifer for the pain Lucifer put on Sam, how Lucifer hates Sam because he and Sam are the same but Sam’s brother loves him anyways, etc. 

Ultimately that was scrapped because Sam’s entire story in the show is always about how the world and everyone around him manipulates him and that he never actually gets to make choices about his own life or body that aren’t influenced or part of someone elses’ design. And that always bothered me that Sam was never allowed to be himself without having to be ashamed of it, and I wanted to make sure that Sam’s triumph of being proud of himself/proudly choosing to exist (again) was evident in his story

In the end I needed Sam to have this visceral win over his tormentor. As the story shows, in this case Lucifer was abused and put into a position where he was incapable of empathy and could only express himself in violence. Sam even understands this! But it doesn’t change the fact that Lucifer tortured Sam in unimaginable ways for thousands of years. 

With that in mind I didn’t like the idea of Lucifer and Sam having “co-ownership” of their new identity, so I made the choice that Sam had to be the survivor. This tied in well with Sam’s new crusade to restore free will to the universe, because he’s breaking the narrative of his own story!

While Castiel wasn’t a pov character, his own autonomy and free will was equally as important. You’ll note that many, many paragraphs and conversations revolved around that theme and that in the end Cas followed himself (and love!) which ensured his freedom of self <3

The Brothers are WEIRD PEOPLE!!!! And Codependent to a Worrying Degree, but It’s Also How They Survive

It’s very hard to show “unusual” relationships when you’re writing from the pov of the two people who don’t think there’s anything weird about their relationship. Sure, they say ‘yeah it’s probably weird that we still share a bed’ but that’s kinda more in line with ‘I had a nightmare and I want to be close to the person who makes me feel safe’. Hashtag normalize co-sleeping when you need it!!!

From there I did try to point out how the boys have a weird perception of lifestyle in the little things they did. 

From thrifting everything from clothes to appliances to books (thrifting is a valid lifestyle! It’s incredibly handy when you’re on a budget.) 

To never actually having condiments or knowing how to use a dishwasher cause they’ve lived in a car, a motel room, or squatted in old houses their whole life.

I tried to have them wear each others’ clothes or casually swap things as much as possible. They live out of each others’ pockets!

Also the brothers are just weird people!! It’s hard to show from their pov, cause they don’t know how far off from normal they are, but like…

Everything about Sam and Amelia was NOT right like holy shit those two were wilding in their grief. They are very lucky things worked out for them and that they got to be hashtag Weird Girls together

Dean explicitly, in the story, gets horny after killing stuff!! Violence has done a number on his psyche and he’s gotten some wires crossed that maybe shouldn’t have been, or maybe could be worked out in a safe space but… uh… how likely do we think Dean is gonna go find a safe space to deal with any of his shit???

LOVE!!! Love is truly what this whole story is all about

If you’ve read the stories, you know how much emphasis I put on love. Love is the strongest force in the Spn Universe! It’s what averted the apocalypse and saved the world (Swan Song), it’s what created free will (Cas’ entire arc!) I love love!!!!

I went out of my way to not put any definitions on platonic love vs romantic love because I think love is love is love and how you express that is the difference. Neither is more powerful than the other because LOVE is powerful!! Sam and Cas are the most important people in Dean’s life and he loves them equally! He shows this by giving Cas kisses and stealing Sam’s socks.

It’s a personal pet peeve of mine when I have to hear explanations like ‘I love you, like a brother’ or ‘I love you, but like, as a friend because I’m a lesbian and you’re a man’ etc etc in media. If you have to continuously define how your characters love each other, then I don’t think you’re doing a good job of portraying their relationship. So you’ll see that I never put those parameters in any conversation. Dean DOES muse that he loves Cas differently than he loves Sam or Bobby, specifically because there is a romantic and sexual tone that his feelings for Cas takes, but not because he loves Cas more or less than he loves Sam or Bobby.

Which means, if you haven’t realized it yet, the Series + Fic Titles are meant to be a complete sentence because the power of love IS the thesis of this series:

The Love It Takes To Exist Again (Sam’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Become a Man (Dean’s journey!)

The Love It Takes To Destroy a Man (TBA)

And now for fun stuff. Behind the scenes!!

What’s Something People Probably Don’t Know?

The demonic fungal/hydrothermal vent growth on Sam’s arm was thrown in literally as I was posting the chapter because I had just finished a 48 hour cram session of writing a report on tube worms for an ecology class (I was chanting my tube worm song as I wrote it) and it ended up being a HUGE hit with both readers and myself. But it was so last minute I had trouble fitting it in more throughout the rest of Sam’s story!

Cas’ orders? That may or may not have bound him to Dean and removed his free will? Were written into Sam’s story and I went ‘oh SHIT that’s compelling’ and then left them there as a ‘guess I’ll figure that out when I get to Dean’s story lol’

Originally Dean and Cas were supposed to get together after having their souls bonded, and have been in a UST limbo the entire time before that. Mostly because I think the entire concept of ‘we just got married of the soul I guess we should try dating?’ is very funny. CLEARLY the two of them were way more eager to fall in love than I anticipated (thank you Cas for your honesty) but you can still see shades of this original idea here and there (especially in ch35 of TBAM)

I never intended Dean and Benny to connect so well!! Benny was going to reunite with Andrea, she was going to live, and they were going to go off into the world and leave the story. And, uh, here we are. I’m still debating if I need to adjust the relationship tag or not haha. Polyamory is fun, especially when I was planning for Sam to be the polyamorous brother...

Speaking of, I can’t believe I forgot about Sam and his sexuality! If I rewrote TEA I would have had Sam contemplate more on his lack of sexual appetite due to trauma, up until he meets Benny and he gets to rediscover how he wants to be a sexual person

Many of Sam and Dean’s absolutely stupid sibling conversations were lifted near-verbatim from conversations I’ve had with my siblings

And lastly...

Dem where’s Kevin????????????? Where is our sweet baby boy????????

He’s SAFE!! He’s in the Hunter pipeline somewhere cause Sam handed him off to Bobby’s people. He and his mom are safe and at some point they probably got rib sigils like SalmonDean did against angels, but for demons. I didn’t have room in this story for him!!! But my baby boy is SAFE and I want to get him back to university because it’s WHAT HE DESERVES!!!!

To that point: god there were/are SO many characters that I just didn’t include in the story so far because I didn’t feel comfortable including them without stalling the story for them. To that point: pretty much everyone who is alive/dead in s8 is that way in this story, except Bobby who gets to live.

[Check Out Part 2 for reader questions!]