#i lose myself during the summer xoxo

[nbchannibalheritageposts]

I queued some beautiful decade old hannibal posts for you today, be prepared.

[chiwhorei]

𝐀𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐚

✞𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐁𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬: 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧✞

Pairing: Shouta Aizawa x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut, Dark Content, 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 3,175 [Link to Ao3]

Tags: Darkfic, sacrelige, coercion, corruption, dubcon and noncon elements, intonations and parallels to incest, but not actual incest (ie. ‘Father’ Shouta), choking, age-gap, oral, Priest!Aizawa, Virgin!Reader

From Chiwhorei: Aizawa is where this all started, so it’s fitting he is the subject of my anniversary fic. To everyone who’s followed me along this journey despite the long bouts of radio silence, to everyone that’s participated and supported this collab, to all of my lovely, devious friends— truly, completely, thank you for this past year. Xoxo.

The pain was so sharp that it made me utter several moans; and so excessive was the sweetness caused me by this intense pain that one can never wish to lose it, nor will one’s soul be content with anything less than God.

** ** **

There’s not a soul awake this late.

The rosary wrapped between twitching fingers feels like a hot lashing against the skin. The glass and metal itch in your hold, the devotional was a gift for your confirmation-- it holds a decade of sins.

Your family has been asleep for hours now. Slipping through the back door as soon as you’re sure. Nineteen. A legal adult. Yet the only way to leave in the middle of the night is in secret. The cool, summer air hits your cheeks, it’s still for a moment. It’s so quiet, you feel like you’ve mistaken the real world for a snow globe. Static— in the moments after all of the glitter settles, all of the quiet, iridescent tears laying at your feet. It waits, patiently, until someone comes by to shake it again.

Moving into a cramped dorm room a few hours away, your childhood home feels bigger every visit. It’s bigger because nothing fills the space inside. There’s nothing but tense words and the clatter of silverware against dinner plates. Your father reminds you of an old briefcase— stern, rigid leather, unmistakably empty; your mother’s rose garden smells like poisoned wine.

Roses and leather, the combination suffocating enough to repel you in the hours you should be unconscious.

The walk from your parent’s house to the church is the most familiar thing in the world. Down to the cracks on the sidewalk and mossy steps leading up to a set of large, cherry doors. So routine it almost feels good for you.

There’s not a soul awake this late, you decide, that must be why you’re here.

That must be why he’s up too.

Pushing open one ornate door just enough to peek inside, you’re met with that distinct waft of incense and dusty missals. It smells like every Sunday morning and Easter Vigil, it smells like home.

Only votive candles light the space around you, flickering with intentions from fellow parishioners. You wonder if there’s one burning for you.

You know where to find Father Shouta, and suspect he’s waiting. He can trace every step from your parents home to the front gate. You open the confessional booth and crawl inside, the wooden space around you is cramped. It smells like incense masking cigarettes. Kneeling into the leather cushion, you face the screen partition.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was,” the memory has you falter, “three months ago.”

You remember the last hollow confession like it was yesterday. You were back in town for spring break. After mass that Sunday, your dad told Father Shouta how deplorable it was that your friends had tried, in vain, to drag you to the beach a few hours away from campus. “A week of drinking and sex, not for my daughter.”

Shouta met with you that evening and you cried your sins to him. How you had been dared to kiss boys at a party during midterms week, how you drank who-knows-what mixed with cheap beer at a frat house. He consoled you then, he told you that God will forgive all transgressions. “Even the sins of a whore.”

The memory makes you want to cry all over again. Yet, here you are— knees pressed to the very same leather, face against the same dusty screen.

He’s so still, so quiet, you jump out of your skin at the sound of his voice, “What is it that you’d like to confess, my child?”

Your body aches, stiff and tense to the bone. You breathe in, shallow and suffocated, before you speak again.

“Father, forgive me I—” you can tell his posture is just as rigid, he’s only a shadowed outline and the slightest glimmer of color from his eyes. They warn you, but you ignore the familiar feeling on the back of your neck.

“I have been having impure thoughts. I’ve been thinking about a man,” one more deep breath in an attempt to keep your voice neutral, “a much older man.”

If you could hear a smile, Father’s creaks like floorboards.

His silence prompts you to continue, you knot your fingers together and hold them against your stomach, the Rosary tangled in between threatening to cut off circulation.

“The boys in my youth group, the ones in my classes— they’re all nice but,” you leave the second half of the sentence to rattle around in your mind, “but they aren’t you.”

“Impure thoughts are one thing, sinful, but,” his voice is indifferent, cold, “the true sins are ones of the flesh.”

“I- I haven’t,” you start to stutter, trying to defend yourself, “I haven’t done anything, Father.”

Despite himself, he laughs.

“It’s true Father,” you wonder why you hadn’t just stayed at home, “I’ve only ever kissed a boy— it wasn’t even a real kiss. I’m still a virgin.”

From the screen, you can only see him in fragments. Little cutouts of a dark figure and sickeningly bright red eyes. The color peaks through like pieces of a puzzle, chasing through the patterned wood before you can catch that he’s stepping out of his side of the confessional booth.

“It wasn’t a ‘real’ kiss,” each word is mimicked, emphasized by the tap of his shoes against the tiles below, “no, of course it wasn’t. Not with some boy.” Your legs are unsteady as you stand from the kneeler. There’s nowhere to hide, Father has you trapped in a toy box. Just for him to play with.

“Of course that wouldn’t have satisfied you.”

The door to your side of the booth creeks open just as your back hits the wall. You can see his face for the first time in months, you trace the features illuminated with candlelight. Father Shouta’s face is strong, even more sharp with his long, black hair tied back. His presence looms over where you’re sunken into the booth. Even standing and puffing out your chest, he’ll still be able to look down at you.

He bares his teeth. You know this by now, stupid little girl, you know he likes to play with his food.

Long fingers grip the small door frame and curl around the wood like an omen, his body slithers into your personal space until he’s only an inch away.

“Lust, greed, what is it that you want?” Each vowel cradles a hearty dose of poison, the consonants bite away and spit you out. Your skin feels raw under his attention, “You can’t atone for sins you’re not really sorry for.”

Those same fingers slide up either curve of your neck, he crawls from shoulder to jaw, slowly. So slowly it seems like he’s trying not to get caught. He holds steady against your skin, thumb rubbing lightly at your bottom lip. You must have just fallen asleep after your parents went to bed, that stale, poisoned house even lulling the restless. You must be dreaming right now.

“Don’t make me ask again.” His timber hits the three walls and brings you back to the present. There’s no rest for you, only a weak answer to his question. What is it that you want?

“I want to be a humble servant of our Lord.” Your voice shakes, battered against your throat on its way to meet the stiff air.

Father’s lips are on you, he traces the words of Luke over your trembling mouth, there’s only a breath of space between you,

“No one can serve two masters. For you will hate one and love the other; you will be devoted to one and despise the other,”

The hands holding your cheeks move down to circle your neck, each long finger lays a trap. He tightens around the skin, just enough to make you forget how it feels to breathe freely. He could do anything to you right now, and your cries for help would be swallowed by stained glass.

No one can serve two masters.

The scream caught in your throat meets his wicked smile, it fizzles into little more than a whimper. The small booth you’ve been trapped in is burning hot, you feel sweat beading on your forehead. The last ounce of courage, of restraint, tumbles out before you can catch it.

“Who do you serve, Father Shouta? God or the Devil?”

He answers you with a thick tongue finally pushing into your mouth. He smells like perfumed oils and votive candles, he tastes like sugar free gum and Seven Stars.

His grip around your neck is the only thing keeping you on your feet, you’re sure if he were to let go you’d melt into the floor below. Father’s lips against yours are a siren, dulling all other senses, rendering you malleable to his will. Whatever his will may be, whatever it is that he wants from you— you’d let him have it anyway.

He breaks away, the kiss that’s felt like hours disappears far too soon. Your body jolts forward of its own volition, trying to connect yourself to him again. You’re sure you look desperate, but you’re too intoxicated to care.

“I serve only myself.”

Father lets go of your neck and you’re allowed the first deep intake of breath you’ve had since walking into the church. You swallow hard, looking back up to him. He scares you, he always has, but that fear draws you towards him.

Does a moth know what the flame will do to it? Does the moth know their fate?

You feel like crying, really crying, but all that comes out are a few frustrated tears. Father leans over you once more, eyes trailing the tear waxing over your cheek, “You’re a wretched little girl.”

Is that why they fly towards fire, because they like the burn?

** ** **

You step forward in line, it’s almost your turn. Mother first, she’s always thought of Father Aizawa as such a “charming young man''. The notion always made you scoff, in reality he’s only a few years younger than your parents.

Your dad is behind you, he’ll give him a friendly handshake after the service and remark how beautiful the homily was. Today, he spoke of the devil tempting Jesus. You hung on every word.

Mother steps aside and makes the sign of the cross, you’re next. A sheep guided by the dutiful shepherd, a lamb onto his slaughter.

Your chin tilts upwards, eyes locked onto your part-time captor. He only has you for a few seconds this time, but his attention is a hallway— every door is a pitfall. Aizawa’s gaze turns red when he looks upon you again— a bright, bloody, captivating red. You’ve convinced yourself it’s a trick of the light. But you see them in the dark too.

“The Body of Christ,” his voice is a welcome mat in front of an asylum, holding out the wafer and obscuring one painfully beautiful eye.

“Amen.” You know you’re part, but you can’t hear your own voice.

Father watches as your eyes close and your mouth opens, a quiet obedience, nothing at all out of the ordinary. Your fingers tingle with how tight you’re holding them together.

He places the Body to your awaiting tongue. It tastes like a harsh nothing that will stick to the back of your throat for the rest of mass. You take Christ in pieces, letting it start to melt into the roof of your mouth.

Shouta brushes your bottom lip before retracting. It’s subtle, an accident— the smallest touch of chilling skin. No one notices, the earth doesn’t stop on its axis for anyone else. You step aside and follow your Mother back to the wooden pews like nothing out of the ordinary stirs in your heart.

You feel Father’s eyes on the back of your skirt. They feel red.

“Your sweet girl here has offered a helping hand getting prepared for a youth retreat the church is hosting next week.” After mass, the stop to shake Father’s hand is inevitable, a pleasantry every parishioner makes time for before shuffling out for Sunday brunch.

He speaks over your quiet, “Good morning, Father Shouta,” right as your family turns to leave, almost as if he had been mulling over whether or not it was worth a mention. He regards them with a veiled casualty, never once looking at you.

Father’s face is kind when he wants it to be, laying a hand in the middle of your shoulder blades, it's a feeling of comfort you can’t help but lean into, “We’re discussing how to remain chaste in a sinful world.”

The word ‘chaste’ is pinched into your spine and despite yourself, you smile. A heavy heart has found home at the bottom of your stomach, but you can’t let on to the sick churning in your gut. Your parents gleam with pride for their daughter. A perfect example of a good Catholic girl.

“I’ll have her meet at my office this evening, is six okay?” His question sounds like your dowry, talking past you and asking for your parents permission.

Your dad shakes Father Shout’s hand once more, delighted at how his diligent parenting must be the reason you’ve found yourself in holy favor. Said ‘parenting’ is definitely to blame, but not in the way your dad assumes.

*** *** ***

The walk through church and into the sacristy is like a meditation in fear, every step begging you to turn back, to run home like a scared child. You tread steady, feet searing on hot coals until you’re met with the sound of Father Shouta just beyond the threshold.

“You’re late.” Something sinister fills Father’s quarters as soon as you open the door. It’s scary how offhandedly he can lie. You’re at least ten minutes early, the evening toll of church bells will signal the hour. He wants to see if you’ll stutter, if you’ll argue. You stay quiet, busying your hands with the hem of your skirt, fingers lifting it slightly before you remember who owns the eyes sitting across the room. They look golden from here, a honey you could drown in. You cough at the feeling of sugar in your lungs before collecting yourself and awaiting instruction.

Seemingly pleased with your docility, he smiles wide and crooked. It’s bound into a book he will whisper into you page by page. It’s written in a language only he knows.

Shouta motions you farther inside, leaning back in his seat. He corrects you when you move to sit in the chair on the other side of his desk, waiting with little patience as you settle against his side instead. Your posture is stiff being this close, being this alone.

His facial hair is trimmed neatly, small scars litter his face, the most pronounced a jagged trail under his right eye. From the dim evening light, you see a shadow of loose hairs make a pointed crown around his head.

“St. Teresa of Avila,” Father starts, tapping his fingers against a small stack of papers, “what do you know of her?”

You’re disarmed, the question seems so innocent-- not a note of ulterior motive detectible. Even so, your guard remains high. His intentions need no subtext.

“St. Teresa of Avila, the patron saint of headache sufferers,” you’re struggling to see the point, but Father prompts you to continue, “she was a Spanish nun, she wrote about a prayerful life,”

After another moment of measured silence, you grow even more tense, “Father Shouta, forgive me, I don’t understand,”

You’re hushed with a laugh, the small collection of papers placed in your hands. The first leaf is titled with large letters, “The Life of Teresa of Jesus.”

“I’d like you to read the section I’ve highlighted.”

You shake, thumbing through until you find a block of text traced in bright yellow. You scan its contents, but are quickly interrupted by Shouta’s next request.

“Out loud.”

There’s no escaping the toy box.

His stare is unwavering, giving you no room for objection. They’re not soft like honey anymore, Father Shouta’s eye’s are harsh, bloody gemstones.

You know better than to keep him waiting, adjusting in your half sat position on the side of his desk, you begin reading with hoarse inflection, “In his hands I saw a long golden spear, and at the end of the iron tip I seemed to see a point of fire. With this he seemed to pierce my heart several times so that it penetrated to my entrails.”

Wincing, the words sound like a stranger in your ears. After every sentence, Shouta’s fingertips inch closer to the end of your skirt, right above the knee. You’d be stoned for this kind of hemline at home, but with Father it seems to be exactly the sacred skin he wanted to see.

His hands move, unwavering, as you continue with the annotated paragraph, “When he drew it out, I thought he was drawing them out with it and he left me completely afire with a great love of God.” Fingers stop their gentle assault before adding pressure to your inner thigh, he peels apart your legs with a wordless prompting to keep going.

“The pain was so sharp that it made me utter several moans; and so excessive was the sweetness caused me by this intense pain that one can never wish to lose it, nor will one’s soul be content with anything less than God.”

By the last several words, Father Shouta’s lips are centered in between your open thighs, you feel tears frozen in the duct. You want to pull away, to escape, but his lips hold something you’ve never been this close to.

“Piety is a virtue,” you can feel the hot breath against your most intimate planes of flesh, “but our God is one of pleasure too.”

His kiss feels like branding. An aimless, confused lamb seared with the mark of its owner.

You cry out, loud and broken, when his mouth meets the cotton covering your pussy. Shouta uses his pointer and middle finger to move the fabric away.

No one has ever seen these parts of you, kept locked away for your future husband until now, sitting in the heart of your family's church, writhing from even the slightest touch.Hips buck of their own accord, and you’re granted one last open-mouthed lave against your twitching cunt. His tongue peaks out slightly to catch your clit before pulling away.

You move as if possessed, falling to your knees in front of your Father. Your mouth opens, that same quiet obedience, and his finger brushes your lower lip again. “No one” you think, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of fingers wrapped into the back of your hair, “no one can serve two masters.”

“Body and soul, you’re mine.”

But there’s not a soul left in sight.

✞ 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞: All writing is chiwhorei’s original content, please do not repost or modify. Do no read my content as asmr. Do not recommend me on TikTok.©️

[vivvyinvienna]

the night we met (draco malfoy)

A/N: heyo! this is my first fic so pls be nice :) i hope you guys enjoy it! xoxo 

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: Draco is haunted by the memories of his dead lover. Post-Battle of Hogwarts. Inspired by the Lord Huron song “The Night We Met.”

Warnings: alcohol, cursing, depression, angst, violence, blood, major character death

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

  Draco languidly twirled the glass of firewhiskey in his hand. He watched as the amber liquid clung desperately to the sides before unfailingly slipping back. His drunken mind and hazy thoughts found amusement in it. They found amusement in a lot of things now. Like how he sat in front of the fireplace in a grand leather chair downing firewhiskey by the bottle every night; being every bit of the rich, spoiled Malfoy heir he was. Y/N would have told him that he was trying too hard to mourn in an aesthetic. And she would have been right. 

The thought of her lifted him from his reverie. The glass of liquor stopped turning in his hand, instead it was brought to his lips, quickly downed in hopes of expelling her from his mind. In hopes of keeping out all the feelings that came alongside memories of her. It was why he drank in the first place, why he sat drunk and unrefined with his hair messed, shirt untucked, and suit rumpled.

But it didn’t work. It never really worked. Not even the strongest liquor from his father’s collection could rid his mind of her. Her lips, her touch, her soft breath on his shoulder from their last embrace was all tattooed on his soul. He didn’t really mind those. But it was the memories of her death, watching her body crumble and blood pour from her wounds, that made him want to obliviate himself. They stained his mind, weakened his body and ate at his soul. 

After losing her at the Battle of Hogwarts, he constantly felt like he was a wandering traveler who’s path had run out. He was riddled with these feelings of guilt, sorrow, longing, and depression. There was always this painful feeling in his chest, like someone had a vice grip around his lungs and heart. While he was with Y/N there was always a nagging feeling that he was in debt to her. She had taught him the invaluable, that he could love and be loved. She had saved him in every manner a person could be saved. The feelings, thoughts, and pain he now faced was unrelenting, incessant, and unforgiving. He supposed it was a method of repaying his debt. 

Looking towards the fireplace that was softly raging, he put down his glass. Chasing away the memories never worked, he didn’t know why he bothered trying every night. And with that, he resigned to his thoughts of her.

 I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

  Draco was laying on her bed in her Hufflepuff dorm. The windows facing the rolling hills were drawn up, letting in the warm glow of sunset. It bathed the room in this honey tint that made him feel warm and blissful. Laying on his side, he stared at the Y/H/C haired girl at the desk who was intensely focused on her books and notes. 

“Angel?”

Your quill paused and you turned to let your Y/E/C eyes meet his. He thought your eyes were the most beautiful thing, they held the beauty and intensity of a thousand stars in his mind. He found everything beautiful about you really. The way your hair framed your face. Your delicate fingers whenever they entangled with his. The way your rosy lips tilted into a smile when you looked up at him. 

“Yes, Draco?”

You had a slight smile and an extra twinkle in your eye as you answered him because you knew exactly what he was going to ask next. 

As predicted, the blonde boy strewn across your bed softly, adoringly, and a tinge whiningly said, “Come lay with me for a bit.”

Looking back and forth between him and the DADA homework on your desk, you pouted while responding “I still have so much of Umbridge’s work to do though.”

Draco let out a dramatic groan and flipped onto his back before answering, “ You’re killing me, Y/N. What do I need to do to convince you?” 

The truth was Draco didn’t need to do anything to persuade you, you were sick of Umbridge’s busy work. And after feeling his gaze caress you all afternoon, you craved his touch. But you decided to have a bit of fun.

“It’s killed meh. It’s killed meh.” You mocked.

You never let him live down that accident from third year. He covered his eyes and laughed in embarrassment before retaliating, “At least I didn’t get sent to the hospital wing because of a plant. You’re supposed to be good at herbology, badger.”

You feigned offense, “That’s not the point. The point is, I didn’t put on an entire theatrical performance like you felt the need to.” And with that, you started to walk towards the Slytherin boy on your bed. He pulled the covers back for you to join him when he noticed your approach. 

“Ok, ok, fine. Just get in already, I’m getting cold.” 

Once you settled into his arms, he watched as you snuggled deeper into his chest. With your guys legs intertwined and his arms encasing you, his heart felt content and at peace. He had everything he needed and wanted right in his arms. 

You tilted your face up, and while looking adoringly at Draco you whispered,  “I love you, you know?” 

He gave you a soft smile that made the cold ice of his eyes melt. Putting his forehead against yours, he gently nudged your nose with his. 

“I know. And I love you...” he paused, refocusing his gaze into your eyes, “more than anything.”

You smiled as he captured your lips in a kiss.

 I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

 Back in his leather chair in the cold drawing room of the Manor, he barely noticed the silent tears that escaped from his eyes. Tears seemed to be a constant now. The beautiful memories of her angelic voice and soft kisses and honey tints were once things that bewitched him. Now, they only served as an agonizing reminder of what he had lost. He craved, he so utterly craved for her tender caress. He could feel his own desperation causing aches from his chest all the way to his finger tips. What he would give to feel her presence wrapped around him one more time. 

With his head hung forward and his hands tugging at his hair, convulsive yet inaudible sobs wracked his beaten frame. He wanted her back. He wanted to hold her hand as they walked in the garden. He wanted to pepper her face with kisses until she playfully pushed him away. He wanted to hear her gleeful shouts as they rode his broom together. He wanted to meet her again for the first time and relive their time together. Merlin he just wanted her back. 

All he could do now was reminisce of his memories of them together. He was faced with a constant inner battle. Reliving their memories eased the hurt for a little while. But when he came back to his senses and his reality, it brought a raging pain of its own. 

Some nights he couldn’t help himself. He drank until his vision blurred and then walked around the Manor looking for signs of her, to spark memories that he watched like movies. Tonight would be one of those nights he realized after stumbling onto a very specific patio. It was the patio where they met. 

 When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Your family had been invited to the Malfoy Summer Solstice Ball, as were all the other notable pureblood wizarding families. You had your mother’s penchant for fashion, choosing to wear a champagne colored satin gown from one of your favorite designers. You quite enjoyed the dressing up and the excessive extravagance, but it was the company that was pitiful. The lavishly decorated ball room was filled with witches and wizards either trying to produce marriage arrangements or devise business contracts. Despite being freshly 14 and only going into your fourth year at Hogwarts, you were approached with multiple horrendous proposals. 

Sometime during the night after Rowle Sr. suggested your hand for his 22 year old son, you slipped out of the ballroom in search of some quiet. What you found however, was Draco Malfoy on a patio. As awful as his reputation, you couldn’t help but notice how beautiful he was. It almost felt sacrilegious being so encaptured by the chisel of his cheekbones and the subtle arch of his brows. But he had the type of beauty that got into your bones and the moonlight only made him more enthralling.

Draco’s gaze settled on you a couple seconds after you had walked in. He recognized you, you were in the same herbology class. He’d never admit it but he always found the way your eyes flicked up from your paper to the person you were talking to, to be so subtly alluring. 

Skipping over a normal greeting, his first word to you was merely, “Hufflepuff.” He had meant for it to be a question, but it came out a bit rougher than he anticipated. At least he hadn’t sneered. 

True to your house’s values, you responded good naturedly, “Yes...and you’re in Slytherin.”

 He nodded, pausing for a second as if contemplating whether to continue the conversation before asking, “Why are you out here?”

“Got tired of talking to old British men.” You answered honestly. “What about you? Why’d you come out here?”

He walked closer to where you were standing. 

“Trying to get away from the witches,” he said as he leaned against the terrace railing. 

You laughed lightly before jokingly asking, “The mothers? Or the girls?” 

“Both,” he fiddled with his cufflinks. “Were the old British men trying to get you to marry their sons?”

“They were. None of them were very convincing though.” 

“I hope my father didn’t try.”

“Would it be so terrible to be married to me?” 

You could see a quick eyebrow raise from him, pleasantly surprised. 

“I’m just concerned that our home decorating styles won’t match.” His voice lacked his usual bite and his face was without his habitual sneer. 

“You know most people don’t choose their life partners based on interior design styles.” 

Your comment elicited an amused huff from the blonde boy. “I wish my mother did, then I wouldn’t have to live in this ghastly manor.”

He was right, filled with antiques and dark artifacts, the manor was downright depressing. “It’s...” you struggled to find a non offensive description. “It has its own charm. You just have to romanticize it a bit.” You were unconvincing.

“This is why the sorting hat put you in Hufflepuff.”

“Better than Slytherin,” you retorted. 

He wanted to laugh, even the idea of you in Slytherin was amusing. “You’d get eaten alive by our first-years.” 

He was right, but that didn’t mean you let up, “Funny. Have you made anyone cry yet today?”

“No, but luckily it’s only 9 o’clock.” 

The two of you talked long into the night. As he listened to your stories, random literary interpretations, and takes on the world he found himself more and more enamored. He was enamored with the little shrug you seemed to always end your rants in. Enamored with your laughs that always came at the right time when he talked. Enamored with the strange feeling in his gut he didn’t quite know how to identify when your hand briefly grazed his thigh. 

Draco found your company to be tantalizingly novel. Sitting on adirondack chairs, sharing nothing but stories with you felt weirdly intimate. It felt like friendship, a word woefully foreign on his tongue. Perhaps it was because he met you in a setting outside of Hogwarts, a place where he didn’t have to puff his chest and wear his Slytherin crown. But for the first time in maybe his entire life, it felt like he made a friend. And it wouldn’t be until later when he realized that Y/N was also the love of his life. 

 I had all and then most of you 

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

Draco sat in the same adirondack chair he had the night he met you, looking at the empty chair to his right. A sullen expression was permanently etched on his face as he ran through the same thought over and over and over. I wish she was here. I wish she was here. I wish she was here. Lost in a trance, he didn’t notice his mother enter the patio until her shoes were in his line of sight. 

Narcissa’s heart ached to see her son this way. So lost and so resigned. Every ounce of spirit and hope seemed to have vanquished as he processed Y/N’s death. She remembered the struggle of tearing him away from her dead body and bringing him back to the manor. 

As the battle was in its final moments, Narcissa knew that her family needed to leave to avoid Azkaban. But Draco hadn’t wanted to leave her yet, he wasn’t ready to let go. Her and Lucius were forced to physically rip them a part. With Lucius holding him down and Narcissa prying her from his grasp. He pleaded and begged and cried and screamed. The raw pain and desperation in his screams as Y/N finally slipped from his grasp was something Narcissa would never forget. Once the three of them were apparated into the manor’s drawing room, Draco had collapsed in her arms choking on sobs and violent words cursing them. He was inconsolable, Narcissa tried. She held him, comforted him, but she knew it wasn’t her arms he needed. There was only one person who could rid his pain, but no amount of money in their Gringotts vault could bring back the dead. 

Back on the patio, she quietly approached him. 

“Draco?” 

He looked up. Behind the sorrow in his eyes there was the slightest bit of resentment. He still hadn’t found it in himself to fully forgive her. It was even worse with his father. He couldn’t look at Lucius without turning breathless with anger. 

“Draco,” she placed a hand gently on his shoulder, “it’s late. We should get you to bed.”

He merely blinked away, looking back at the empty chair instead. Narcissa noticed that he did that often, looking at the empty spaces next to him. Spaces that she was supposed to be in. He did it at the dining table on the rare occasions he’d join her for meals. He did it in the library, riveted by the black couch they frequented. And he did it while laying in his bed, always slightly off center, as if leaving room for someone. 

It took a bit more coaxing from Narcissa to get Draco to his room. After he was settled in his bed, he closed his eyes succumbing to the nightmares that would undoubtedly come. 

 I had all and then most of you 

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

  “Dra...Dray. Dray, ho..hold me. Please.”

He knew the end was nearing, white hot panic flooded him. Blood surrounded you, coating the dirty cement floor and his hands. He lifted you gingerly into his arms, scared to hurt you even more. 

“Ok. Ok. Of course, Angel. I’m right here. I’m right here. You’re gonna be okay, it’s gonna be ok.” He was rambling now.

His hand cupped your cheek, keeping your eyes on him. Rocking back and forth, he looked into your eyes and studied your face. 

“Angel, don’t do this to me. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You brought your hand up, grabbing onto his wrist. You were too weak to respond at that point, you were too far gone. You both knew. But a small smile ghosted your features as you looked at your love. Your love, your love, your love. You kept looking at him as you felt yourself slip farther and farther away. It was just like sleeping.

Draco’s silver hair fell into his face as looked down at the girl in his arms with an ocean between his lashes. He watched as she gave him that last little smile, with his hand still cupping her cheek. First, her hand’s grip loosened on his wrist. Then, her face went expressionless. And too sudden and far too soon, the light in her eyes were gone. 

Y/N Y/L/N was dead. 

A guttural, visceral sob erupted from the silver haired boy. He cried out, cursing the gods above and cursing fate for taking her from him so soon. His screams were strained with an indescribable and insurmountable amount of pain. He clawed at his chest, hoping he could somehow rip out the searing feeling that riddled his shattered heart.  

He pressed his face in to the crook of her neck, sobbing thickly, muttering desperate pleas of help. But it was pitiful and it was nonsense, for death was unforgiving and death was final. Her arms, which once were used to caress and comfort him, now hung limp at her sides. There was a fiery anguish in his chest that was so colossal he could feel it radiate all through his body. Draco clung onto her dead body with as much strength as he could muster, as if sheer willpower could revive her somehow. The blood from her fatal wound covered Draco’s hands and clothes. It was a gruesomely harrowing scene: a forever broken boy clinging to a dead girl. 

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed like that, kneeling on his knees while clutching his dead lover. The battle raged on around him as he remained in his penitent posture, praying to every deity, God, and powerful being he could think of to bring her back. When he finally found the strength to lift his head from the crook of her neck, the sight of her clouded eyes and paling skin sent another volley of shards into his chest. With an unsteady hand, he shut her eyes.

Draco gently pulled her into his lap, moving with the same amount of attentiveness as if she was still alive. His hands, still trembling, carefully smoothed her hair. He drank her face in more fervently than ever before, for this would be the last time he saw her. This would be the last time he could hold her. His angel, his beautiful angel was dead and soon he would be forced to let her go. He pressed his lips on hers as he’s done a thousand times before, but when her lips remained unmoving and were cold against his, a new set of sobs wracked his body. 

The grieving boy sat in the midst of a battlefield, uncaring that he was defenseless. Draco sat there, silently hoping that someone would take mercy on him. Silently praying that someone would see him wandless and alone, and slay him. He knew this pain was carved into his heart and engraved in his soul. He knew that he would only be relieved of it when death came for him too. 

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

Dear Y/N,

You’re dead, you won’t ever read this. I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this. Maybe it’s a plea of help, maybe it’s how I’ll heal. Either way, it makes me feel like I’m talking to you, like I haven’t lost everything. But I’m just deluding myself. 

It hurts to live without you. Time keeps ticking forward, the world moving with it, but all I can think about is when I was last with you. Every night I slip into dreams of you. Sometimes, rarely, they’re good ones. But I wake up and you’re not there. Most nights, I’m watching you bleed and die in my arms. That dream never fails in hurting me. But what really breaks me, is after I drag myself awake, I realize I’m already living my worst fear. You’re already dead. It’s not a nightmare, it’s a memory. 

Everything died with you, Y/N. I thought that once the war was over, my life could truly start. I’d finally be free from that world. I didn’t realize that the end of the war meant the end of us too. Every single plan we made for the future is gone. All my someday’s and one day’s died with you. I no longer have anyone to marry, to have children with, to grow old with. I feel robbed. I was supposed to have a whole life with you, not just a few measly school years. Even a lifetime wouldn’t have been enough for me. I want every lifetime with you, on this earth or the next. 

I’m still holding you tight in my mind, it’s strange you’re not here with me. My heaven was here on earth with you. But ever since you’ve gone, the days have been getting darker and darker. I love you, I miss you. 

Yours Forever,

Draco

[nancypullen]

One Week Later...

Yikes, the last few days got away from me. Not because I've been busy, more likely because the days are all so similar that nothing is really marking the passage of time. Not a complaint, just an observation. Here's a summary of the last week on the Pullen spread: The fair ended and the award-winning photographer that lives here collected his winnings. Our heatwave broke for a couple of days before cranking back up. On Monday we went to our city's board of commissioners meeting to show our support for a possible recall of a blatantly racist, QAnon conspiracy theory spouting commissioner. We were definitely in the minority, this lovely city has a very ugly underbelly. Last night I scored a fabulous "Spirit: Riding Free" playset on Facebook Marketplace. The grandgirl is a big fan. It's a wholesome show about girls on horses going on adventures and solving problems.

The cast of characters is diverse (and capable, smart, and kind). I like that. Anywho, I scooped up the barn, all three main characters, horses, and a ton of accessories for a small fraction of what I'd pay at a store. It all looks brand spankin' new, certainly new enough for a three year old. And speaking of that little girl, we're just a week away from seeing her! We're going back up to scope out more real estate, get a feel for some of the towns that interest us, and mostly to get as many snuggles and giggles as we can in a short visit. Her parents will be celebrating an anniversary during our stay so I've told them to get the heck out of the house and go have some fun. Leave Grancy in charge and go play. I have plans. Other than what's listed above every day is the same - I cook, clean, and repeat. My escape from the constant barrage of bad news is to sit at my desk and make my silly cards. I love losing track of time while sorting ribbons and buttons, laughing at my own creations, and talking to my surly assistant.

Just outside that window is a busy world. The Crepe Myrtle tree is where the dominant hummingbird hides, waiting for another to approach either of the feeders. An aerial battle then ensues. Have mercy, these were snapped through a window.

Cardinals seem to visit our feeder most often, and I found this one interesting. Where's his crest?

Is he young? Molting? Battling mites or a parasite of some kind? Dealing with male pattern baldness? Whatever the answer, he is not attractive.

He looks like a red buzzard. While he stuffed himself a chickadee and a titmouse were quite vocal about getting their share.

Cardinals usually visit the feeder in pairs and chickadees in trios. Interesting. We've had loads of yellow finches but they don't want to sit still for a photo. I haven't posted many garden pics this summer, but they're thriving. I'm in love with this pink drift rose. I picked her up on the orphan table at Lowes last spring and she's gorgeous now.

My asters are blooming a month early. Why not? Nothing else has been normal this summer.

One of the reasons that I love them is because they're the September birth month flower. I'm a September baby and always thought it was a bit magical that they bloomed right on time. I took it personally. I guess they're as confused as the rest of us. You're all caught up. If you're still awake, give yourself a cookie. I wish I could blame the sizzling dog days of summer for this boring post, but I fear that it's me - I've become boring. The big excitement tonight is that I'm making eggplant cutlets for dinner. With gooey mozzarella and fresh basil from the garden it's what counts as a good time around here. I feel guilty that this post sounds like I'm dissatisfied with life. I'm truly not. I could make a ten page list of things I'm grateful for every single day. I do get a little stir crazy now and then because we're still being careful regarding COVID, the Delta variant, etc. I'm careful because we have an unvaccinated grandbaby that I love with all my heart and I'd never forgive myself if I transmitted this virus to her and she became sick. A scrap of cloth and some common sense is so little to ask. So we don't go inside many places. When we went to the board meeting on Monday I counted six masks in the room including the two of us. Probably safe to say that the number of vaccinated folks wasn't much higher. Due to that sort of thinking we're still stuck in this pandemic. I'm a month away from my 58th birthday and I didn't even get to use 57. I want a refund of a year. The stupidity of others is costing us in so many ways. It appears there's a thinning of the herd happening. The unvaccinated are filling hospitals to overflowing, sadly they're taking many of the innocent vulnerable with them. Shame on them. Okay, okay - getting off my soapbox and back on track. Life is frustrating for all of us right now, but still good. There's still joy in every day. Every. Single. Day. I hope you've not only found it in your day but added it to someone's. We need to love each other harder than ever. And as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I've got to say about that." Just love each other, that encompasses so much. Sending out hugs because you just might need one. XOXO,

Nancy

[the-dark-kings]

In light of the show’s cancelation, to spread some love and happiness, we’re doing @highkingfen’s The Magicians meme too!

1. Favorite Main Character

M: I refuse to choose between Eliot and Margo. I picked them as my faves years ago when I watched season 1 and I never changed my mind. I could never get bored of these two.

N: Penny Adiyodi, Margo Hanson, and Eliot Waugh. As much as this question is asking for only one character, I will not pick just one. These characters have been my top 3 from the start, and that hasn’t changed.

2. Favorite Side Character

M: There’s so many good ones. Jane, Fen, Zelda, Harriet, Fogg… I guess I’ll go with Fogg this time. There’s so much more to him than meets the eye, and Rick Worthy’s dry delivery never fails to crack me up. I’m gonna miss him.

N: Watching Dean Fogg has been a wild ride, and he never fails to entertain me. I also absolutely adore Fen, and am so pleased that she got to be her own person while never losing her kind and bubbly side.

3. TV Trope Showed In The Show

M: No Budget: Any time they make a joke about not having money for something, like with the invisible castle, or both Blackspire and the Fairy Castle just being the Whitespire set. Love it when the show gets self-aware.

N: Hard questions. There’s so much I love, there’s so much that makes the show fun and unique. But the tropes I love the most are related to genre de/construction, because it demonstrates how self-aware the tv-show is. An example of this is the subversion of “the chosen one” trope in 1x13 or the call-out of (fantasy) books having only one kind of protagonist, emphasizing the importance of other kinds of representation in 4x06.

4. Favorite Bunny News

M: “Eat my ass.”

N: “Eat my ass.”

gif by @highkingfen

5. Favorite Plot Twist

M: I still vividly remember watching 4x05 with my darling co-host of this blog and having to pause the episode because we wanted to speculate on what Eliot’s worst memory might be. We got it wrong, but it was some of the most fun I’ve had watching an episode. And 4x13 was one hell of a twist, though I’m not sure I’d classify that one as ‘favorite’.

N: Alice being the chosen one. There might be better or more fun ones, but this one was meaningful to me because I kept wondering throughout the season “why Quentin?” So when it wasn’t him, it made me think that this show could be different from other fantasy shows. It was compelling.

6. Favorite Quote

M: Alice: Being an adult doesn’t mean that you have to throw away what you used to love. Quentin: Then what does it mean? Alice: Seeing the world through new eyes.

N: I suppose I’ll pick a poignant one to highlight this show’s depth instead of a silly one. Quentin: "The Madness Maker didn't play for the joy of winning, just the fear of losing. The real curse was, he only played when he could win, which cut him off from the surprise, horror, sadness, and wonder of life. Jane saw only one way out for him: Stop playing. Start living."

7. Funniest Pun Or Geek Related Joke

M: Margo and Eliot’s undercover pop culture dialogue scene. “Whatever your Marsden would XOXO, Cersei XOXO’s, so we have to keep it very best episode of Buffy.” Did I mention I love El and Margo?

N: The whole conversation my wonderful co-host mentioned above. I felt so close to Margo and Eliot in that moment (pop culture as a secret language), and I also love that it revealed how often Eliot scans wiki-pages to keep up with his Bambi. If that ain’t love.

gif by @magiciansladies

8. Favorite Outfit

M: Everything created for the Fillory royals. The costume department are geniuses, truly.

N: Definitely the Fillorian costumes for Margo and Eliot for creativity and beauty. Penny’s low-cut tops for ridiculousness, beauty (good cleavage), and the link to his culture.

9. Favorite Music

M: Take On Me. I didn’t appreciate it when I first watched the episode because it kinda got buried underneath… everything else, but it is such a gorgeous cover and I’ve found myself returning to it often.

N: I don’t know what it’s called, but there’s an instrumental melody that’s often used during emotional or tense scenes in the show. I really love it. That, to me, stands for The Magicians on an auditory level. Besides that, “Beautiful Dreamer” sang by Summer Bishil.

10. Underrated Moment

M: From season 1, The Writing Room, that scene after they get out of the Plover house and Alice wants to go back inside to save the ghost children, and Eliot is so cruel to her. Not because Eliot is a dick, but because it was the first glimpse I got as a fan of what this show could be at its best. Layered, emotional, and asking the tough questions.

N: I wouldn’t necessarily call it my favorite, but it’s underrated and definitely something I’ll never forget. In season 2, Cheat Day, when Quentin and Emily sleep together donning the visual representation of their respective ex(/dead) lovers... that was the type of fucked up shit I live for in fiction. So messy, so ugly, so painful—I’m pleased The Magicians never shied away from any of it.

[ohsweetflips]

hey bitch dare u to answer all the questions from ur ask game xoxo

ur a coward if you think this is a dare, my narcissistic ass loves any opportunity i get to talk abt myself and my inability to love things to a normal amount means i can talk abt taz for hours!!!! get on my level, bitch!!!!!!!!

1) What/Who got you into TAZ?

my friends chris and mj @cabesmeadow !! i saw it a lot on tumblr and asked mj abt it and they were like “yeah it’s super fucking rad” and then my friend chris started listening to it over the summer so, mid-november, on a night that i had actually finished my homework early, i was like, “hey, fuck it, why not”

2) Who are you top 5 favorite characters?

(my top 5 list is not in any particular order)

taako

killian

lucretia

lup

davenport

3) What’s your favorite arc?

the eleventh hour!!!! it’s such a good fucking arc and had so many good moments oh my god

4) Favorite quote?

i have so, so, so many but my laptop is on low battery so i can’t list them all, so i’ll list the one i would most likely get tattooed:

“looking for new worlds to explore; looking for new stories to tell”

5) Favorite villain?

a tie between magic brian and edward & lydia!! i love brian so much and thought he was so funny and such a good first villain, but i also love my evil lich vogue twins

6) What was your favorite grand relic? Would you have been tempted by it?

my favorite is probably the animus bell, tho it wasn’t my fave until my most recent relistening. and oh yeah, something that would make me, essentially, immortal? i would’ve been super tempted

7) If you had to make a grand relic, what would it be? What power would it have?

i probably would have made something w/ jewerly, maybe a ring or earrings? or idk yet, i can’t think of anything cool, but ngl i think it would def having something similar to the animus bell. not That exactly, but something necrotic that, like, probably takes life energy to heal whoever is wielding it or takes life energy to feed their own

8) What moment/reveal shocked you the most?

UHHHHH “THE WORDLESS ONE” REVEAL HOLY FUCKING SHIT

9) Which “seven bird” would you have been? Or what would your role have been on the Starblaster?

ngl i think i would’ve been along the lines of “the lonely journal keeper” like!!! alligning with her role as the chronicler, i feel like that’s what i would have applied for

10) Would you have been able to make it through Wonderland?

oh definitely not. im ngl a bit… not selfish, but territorial of my things, idk what i would’ve been able to give up for the wheel, and i def wouldn’t have given up years of my life, and going for my looks would be a Hard Bargain and, even if i was in a world where i had magic, i don’t think i would’ve been strong enough to survive the challenges

11) What are some of the parts that made you the most emotional (whether it be crying, laughing, etc.)?

uhhh the magnulia cottage scene definitely, makes me sob every single time i hear it and, during my first time listening, that was what broke the damn and ended up having me cry for 30 solid minutes

12) Which track composed by Griffin was your favorite?

“madame director/lucretia/lucretia (reprise)” !!!!!

13) Which track not composed by Griffin was your favorite?

“salut d’amour” elgar!!!!!!!

14) Lucas’s Magical Institute or Taako’s Amazing School of Magic?

answered!!

15) What was your favorite cycle in Stolen Century?

not including the beach cycle bc i feel like that’s an obvi one, probably either the judges cycle or the conservatory

16) What were some of your favorite inventory items of tres horny boys?

the extreme teen bible, stephen the fish, chance lance, the umbrastaff, and the hole thrower!!

17) What animal would have been your “disguise” in Petals to the Metal?

answered!!!!

18) Are you more of a “Magnus rushes in,” “Merle follows along behind,” or “Taako’s good out here” type of person?

i think i’m a combination of “magnus rushes in” and “merle follows along behind” but tbh i Should be more “taako’s good out here”

19) Favorite Taako one-liner? Or favorites?

obviously “abraca-fuck you!”

“hey sheriff isaac, guess what time it is!” “what?” “fuck if i know!”

20) If you listen to the liveshows, do you have a favorite? Is there a particular liveshow you would love to see the McElroys do?

my favorite is a tie between san fran and new orleans!!!! and i would love to see them do something with carey and killian, like their bachelorette party or even a hangover-style live show where they lose one of the brides the day before the wedding akjskdk

21) In Wonderland, would you have been hesitant to “forsake” your opponents, or would you have done what you had to to get out?

okay ngl not to sound Terrible but if i was going up against strangers,,,,,, yeah i’d do what i had to do. it’s called the fucking suffering game not the fucking best friend game omfg

would i be able to betray my friends/companions tho??? i don’t think so, nope

22) Of the puzzles throughout the arcs, which one was your favorite?

answered!!!!

23) Would you have liked to see the dark timeline where Magnus took the chalice, or Magnus’s sidequest with Kravitz? Or are you happy with what actually ended up happening?

i love everything that happened in canon but i can admit that a magnus/kravitz sidequest would’ve been fucking sick

24) If given the option, would you have joined the Bureau of Balance? Would you have been a seeker, regulator, reclaimer, or something else?

tbh i think i would if i had to and i think i would have been a seeker

25) What magical item would you have made at the Arcaneum (from the Stolen Century)?

a cool sword!!!!! but, like, a magic sword

26) What is something, material or not, that you wouldn’t have been able to sacrifice in Wonderland?

i wouldn’t have given years off my life. i wouldn’t even have considered it

27) What would you have presented at the Conservatory?

i probably would have written something!!!!!

28) In Story and Song, many beloved NPCs made a return to take a final stand against the Hunger. Which one excited you the most?

HURLEY AND SLOANE!!!!

29) What was your reaction when Magnus was revealed to be a red robe, and then to the memories that followed?

i was so fucking confused but, like, in a good way, and so fucking shocked oh my god

30) What was your reaction when you found out who Lup was, and then to what happened to her?

answered!!!!

31) What was your reaction to Merle losing touch with Pan, and then to Pan’s return when the Planes were reconnected?

ngl it was pretty hard hitting and not for, like, any spiritual reason or anything, but just bc merle literally had Nothing at that point and i felt so bad for him and was so nervous but also “i’m not your pan, but you’ll always be my merle” is probably, without a doubt, one of my favorite taz quotes

32) Who are some characters that you would have liked to see interact more?

LUP AND LUCRETIA!!!!! @ GRIFFIN: LET THEM INTERACT MORE I DON’T GIVE A SHIT IF IT’S JUST AN HOUR OF YOU TALKING TO YOURSELF

33) Flaming Raging Poisoning Sword of Doom or the Umbrastaff?

the umbrastaff!!!!

34) Something you learned from Balance?

that very rarely are there ever easy decisions, and that you have to give yourself time to love and love without boundaries because, even with the years and years people have, so much time can be spent not loving the people you have

also it taught me the type of writer i want to be, and honestly taz has inspired me so much to keep pursuing writing, even when i feel like finally giving in

35) Who?

i̶͎͈̞͆̄̾̄̕'̷̛̮̄̒̓͘m̵͍̖̜͂̔͛͘͝ ̶̡̦͙͍͋̑̂̅͠d̵̟̖̭̳̄͌́a̵̻̎̍͂̃̍v̸̲͇̮͊̽͒̚͝ḛ̵̳͔͗̊n̷̻̳͓͎̠͐p̷̰̘̘̭̗̈́̒ơ̵̪r̸͔̝̈̇͘͠t̸̫̠̯͗ ̴̨̛̖͕̟̦̀̏̂̚ḯ̸̜'̶̨̨̖̮̃̃̈́̿m̸͖̰̙̉̏̔̄́ ̵̺̊̓̃̽̓d̸̝̣̈͊a̶̩̪̖̝̽̚ṿ̴̝̙̣͈̐̊e̷̢̛̦̫̓̇͋n̸̨̖̽͐͊͗p̴̡̥͖̞̈́ͅö̵̭̼̘́͋̿ṟ̶͎͍͙͇͑̇̈̉͝t̸̢͕͓͓̠̆͊ ̷̛̟͕̂̌͛ĩ̶̤̺͕'̸̹͓͙̥̺̀ṃ̵̢̻͇̓̈́̚ͅ ̴̜͙͉̯͌̋̐͝d̴͈̜̐̀͘͝a̷̗̹̪͈̿v̴͔͓͑̕͠ȇ̸̞̲̇͛̕ǹ̶̬͉̼̫͂͌p̸͕͐o̵̮͝ŗ̸̘͝ṱ̷̤̫̀̓̉͂̑ ̵̝̞̩̆̍i̶͖̗͔̥̬͐͌̚͝'̸͍̍̋͜m̵̦̼͂͒ ̴̯̈̽͌̕d̶̮̾̀́ǎ̵̢̹̋͊̉̈v̶̨̟̼͓̅ͅḙ̴̟̼̒n̴̝̬͂̍͊͂̀p̶͔̗͂ơ̸̲̰̬̎̀͛̌r̷̬̞̱̍́́̉t̸͙̏͗̎̓̕ ̵̣̅ḭ̶̱̮͓̈͛̑͑'̸̫̞̣̬̊m̵̢̥̀ͅ

[serverthoughts]

How to Survive Graduation SZN in the Restaurant Industry

Welcome to Day 1 of ServerThoughts is back™ to save your summer. 

This is post 1 out of 7 that will be posted this week. Yes, everyday this week I’ll have a new post up at 3 pm PST. I explained more details about it, here. Click on this to take you to the post where I explain why and what I’m posting this week.

Hello restaurant industry warriors, and welcome to graduation season 2019.

One of my very first posts on here was about grad season 2016, read that post here. 

If there’s one thing you may not know about me as a server, is that I hate taking big parties at work. Ever since I worked at my first restaurant (from 2015-2018) that may have had a fruit or bug in the name, I have dreaded every time I have had to take a party of more than 8 people.

Neither the fruit restaurant or the one I work at now add gratuity to big parties, and it fucking sucks. I also hate big parties because I usually get sat with small 4 or 2 tops at the same time I get sat with a party of 8+. 

Do the hosts at my work want me to focus on my party or my other tables, is what I always ask myself. Sometimes I feel like the hosts at my work purposely try to set the servers up for failure, but I don’t think they’re that conniving to premeditate how shitty their rotation is. I’m ranting about the hosts on Saturday’s post. 

Anyway, my neurotic ass likes things timed where I don’t feel like I’m having to choose between my small tables and my big parties. Sorry this post just became me ranting about my anxieties about big parties. It’s not that I can’t handle taking a big party, I’d just rather sip iced coffee in the side station instead of separating 10 checks, that’s all.

Which is why I hate graduation season because graduates bring their entire family and friends, and it gives me less time to talk shit about my coworkers and customers during my shift. I need that extra time to keep me sane.

Two Saturday’s ago, (5/18/19) was the start of my graduation szn at work. Hey mom if you’re reading this szn = season, I’m just trying to be a trendy 22-year-old piece of shit, ignore me.

Luckily, I was in the lounge at my work, so my tables physically could not fit more than a 5-6 top. I thanked my lucky stars for not having a grad party, but I’m sure this past Saturday (5-25) I might have had to take a graduation party. I’m writing this post Friday (5-24) and I haven’t mastered the art of predicting the future yet, so I’m not sure.

I am a psychology major, so I’m just waiting to learn how to read minds. I’ll update you all once I learn how. ;)

Hi, if you’re graduating and are planning to celebrate at a restaurant, here are my tips:

1) Make a reservation if you can. That way the management team can plan and schedule enough people. The worst thing is when we have a 12 top, 15 top, 8 top, 10 top, and a 20 top randomly come in, because the staff forgets how to do their job. It’s annoying.

2) Tip your server 20% and up. Always. Self-explanatory.

My best friend graduated college on the 17th and I went with her family to dinner. The bill was over $300 and my broke college self died a little inside. Not including tip, the bill probably totaled more than what I pay for my car payment. I have no idea how much her dad ended up tipping but I’m sure it was over 20%, because I don’t associate myself with people who tip shitty. And neither should any of you.

3) Be patient. Graduation SZN in restaurants is a busy time. You’re probably not the only graduate celebrating at a restaurant. Restaurants are just more busy during this time, so food and drinks may take longer. Don’t blame your server. It takes longer the kitchen longer to make a big parties food, than it would a 4 top. Your food is coming, I promise. Unless your server forgot to put in your order, than that is just unfortunate, and will probably be blamed on the cooks ‘losing your ticket.’

Sorry to any of my BOH peeps that have to take the blame for FOH’s mistakes. Y’all are the heart and soul of the restaurant.

And to my restaurant industry people, 90% of graduations end in mid-June, only a few more weeks of random bursts of busyness and suffering. Stay strong.

If you’re graduating high school or college (associates, bachelors, masters, doctorate, or any program)--CONGRATULATIONS!!! It’s such a big accomplishment, especially any education completed after high school. Don’t let any jealous hoe who works at the UPS store tell you “Congrats on finally graduating” while their ass barely graduated high school and smokes meth. It’s a no from me.

Please don’t shame anyone for taking more than 4 years for their degree. Most people don’t graduate from college, so it’s a gotdamn accomplishment. Be proud. You worked hard and deserve it. That being said, I am finally a super senior. I’m already planning my grad cap design. Spring ‘20, I’m ready for you. 

Tomorrow, I’ll be talking about why it shouldn’t matter if your chicken is cut vertically or horizontally. I learned that how it apparently does matter to my assholes customers, the direction their chicken is cut.The post is going to be me being flabbergasted by the stupidity of some people and ranting about it. So basically just me everyday at work.

Moral of the story, if you’re a graduate- be easygoing and tip your server bomb, and if you work in food service- this shit is over soon.

Xoxo,

serverthoughts.

[redoctopusbabe]

So:

The same person who gives me weekly "You Need to Lose Weight" Speeches just told me that I look like I've lost weight. First of all, I haven't weighed myself in at least 3-4 months, probably more I haven't changed my diet what so ever, I drink so much coffee and at least 2 red bulls a day. And sushi and so much bread. I workout 1-2 days, compared to the 5-6 days during the summer. I don't feel any different. Is it because I'm kinda sleep deprived? Is it because I'm stressed? Is it because I don't have a proper eating schedule? Is it because when I do eat, 9 times out of 10, I don't eat the healthiest? The answer is probably yes to all of those. I really don't know. But. I am conflicted. Because normally this person literally gives me a speech on how I need l lose weight. I'm already juggling 500 million other things. And my class schedule is shit. Do you know how much shit I have to carry to my art class around literally all of campus because I have to take a shit of academic classes? I'm a fucking artist, I don't give a flying fuck if the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. Rant: over. Thank you. Yours truly, Celina XOXO P. S.: I will look semi-cute tomorrow

[iceamericanoventi]

28

Things are about to get personal here, so you can just scroll through if you don’t want to waste your time reading this. I just want to vent some stuffs out :)

My first vivid birthday memory is probably when I was three. Mom invited some kids around the neighborhood and cooked some food. Typical little kid party. I remember it was quite a party since my grandfather had a huge living room. But again, all the picture left are me clinging to my Mom or hanging around the piano by myself.

Fast forward, I don’t really fancy birthday. First, in later, I realized that it means just getting older. Second, I hate being the center of attention and during the birthday people will shower me with happy birthday text or just shouting happy birthday across the room making others shooting their gaze towards me which is, please don’t. I was being bitchy and angsty and self-centered and ungrateful by hoping only closed people wishing me birthday.

Until something happened 6 years ago. My grandmother passed away on my birthday. She was taken from us when I turned 22. When I was four months away from my bachelor graduation. When I was on a summer school. Biggest regret in my life, I couldn’t go to her funeral. I realized now that time I could just ask the committee to give me one day off and went to the funeral.

However, I didn’t. Because it was too much for me. Because I thought surrounded by lots of people pretending nothing’s happened would ease the pain. I knew she was sick. It was a huge complication with her kidneys, bones, and her diabetes. I visited her at the hospital several times. Last time I saw her, she was very weak but still able to communicate and tried to smile when I was around.

But I thought she would wait. I know it’s just me being selfish. But I thought she would at least see me graduated. At least she would wait until I finished the summer school. At least universe would give me a little consideration, to give me one last chance to see her with my own eyes.

I hate my birthday more ever since. I knew I don’t really like people attention on my birthday, but I hate it more when the mood and everything turned sour during my birthday as if my existence in the universe is such a mistake and there’s no use to be joyful on that day. It’s just getting worse.

That date became a not-so-favorable day within the family. Also within me. I hate it when we needed to visit the graveyard to pay respect. Seeing the date of your birthday in a head stone just gave you nausea and eerie feeling.

The love hate relationship changed a bit when I turned 27. Watching Coldplay on my birthday, when I thought I wouldn’t be able before, since the ticket sold out 3 hours after the sale started. But universe was being kind, and for once, let me having a proper birthday.

Once again though, no one knew what would happened in the future. I guess that was the first and the last time of me being happy during my 27. Because after that, it’s just filled with family loss, friend loss, important person loss, depression, anxiety attack, and me losing my self confidence.

Several times I questioned myself why I was born. Why I need to be here. Why I need to keep going in life. Why do I even try?

I couldn’t thank enough all those people who keep knocking on my hard shell, who keep coming and asking how do I hang on even it was very clear I tried so hard to push them away.

I realized I was blinded by my own greed, anger, hatred, and all the worst things I ever said to myself. I forgot that I’m actually very lucky to be able to live this far, surrounded by lots of souls who love me sincerely.

Four days ago I turned 28. As if all the curse being lifted on the last day of me being 27, I feel so much better. I knew it’s just me being superstitious and it’s just pure coincidence, since that day, only good things happened to me. I guess it’s time for me. To make a peace. With the world, with the past.

With my past.

It’s not easy, but positive minds bring the desired results, rite? I thought, what happened to me, it’s all because of me. Not because of the universe hates me but it’s because I refused to accept reality and instead of embracing life, I chose to runaway from it.

Thanks for everyone who spent their time to wish me happy birthday. I do appreciate it. And I hope good things and happiness always with you all.

XOXO

[foodfitnessandfun]

I recently decided to start this blog to help get out of a rut that I am finding myself in. After really struggling emotionally for about the past month, I am finally figuring out what has landed me in this position. There isn’t just one thing that is weighing me down, it is an accumulation of some pretty big things.

To start, I recently graduated college. This is a huge accomplishment and I know that my loved ones are very proud of me. However, I am struggling to be proud of myself. Throughout the past four years I have been a full time student (even during the summer), I have been employed the whole time, and I volunteered most semesters. But now I am graduated and don’t know where to go or what to do. I don’t have a full time job lined up, and I have no motivation to look because I don’t know what I am passionate about. And not knowing is really fucking with my head.

Next, and most recently, my boyfriend of 7 years and I are potentially breaking up. I don’t know why, he doesn’t know why. Neither of us even know if we want to break up. All that we do know is that something in our relationship is out of tune and not working right, and we are struggling to figure out how to fix it, or if it can even be fixed. I think that in a perfect world we would fight to try to fix us. But the world isn’t perfect, and we don’t know if its possible. All that I do know is that I love him, he is my best friend, and I am terrified for him to not be a part of my life. Which leads me to my next dilemma... 

If we do break up I need to find a place to live, which I do not have the time or money to do. Our lease is up in August, and all of the places that are currently available to lease are out of my budget.

I am also struggling with friendships...mainly I don’t have many meaningful ones. I have always been fairly introverted. I have a few people who are close to me, but I mainly prefer to spend my time alone or with few people. I have had many acquaintances throughout college that I have had some good times with. But now that everyone is graduated and moving I am finding myself alone, especially since some of my closest friends don’t live near me anymore.

I am also struggling with self love and self confidence. For all of the reasons listed above, I am having a really hard time to be proud of myself. I am also struggling with my weight and am not loving my body the way that I used to. I know that when I get stressed out and emotional I stress eat and binge Netflix to take my mind off of things. This is obviously an unhealthy habit, and one that has been going on for too long. Well, surprise! I am finally seeing the repercussions of those actions, and have packed on some weight. Which leads me to my final thoughts...

I am making this blog, like I said, to help get out of a rut that I am finding myself in. I am hoping to use this as a therapeutic agent where I can make connections, give and receive advice, and let lose of some emotions (typing them out helps). I also want to use this blog to find motivation while I begin a new fitness journey.

Thank you to anyone who read all of this...If no one did I still feel better getting these thoughts off of my chest. But if you did read this and have any thoughts or advice I would appreciate hearing them.

xoxo

-C  

[lady-adventures]

Hey you guys, now you know I’m not the kind of lady that normally does this but... I’m in love! And it’s with this magical irreplaceable creation called the Mono Basin. Yep, I’ve fallen hard, not for a person but a place. I get around a lot and have definitely roamed wild through the west, blazing a trail of magical places that just couldn’t hold me down, heartbroken in my absence (okay, so maybe they pulled through the breakup just fine). But there’s this one spot, just east of Yosemite, on the west border of the Ansel Adams Wilderness, flanked on all sides by 10k+ mountains of three majestic mountain ranges, where fresh water creeks starting up in 13,000’ perennial snowfields tumble down deep wooded canyons & glacial moraines into an ice-age saline lake, spotted with one white & one black volcanic island, where underwater fossilized springs have been exposed creating mushroomy knobby spires that delicately dance out of the alkaline & mineral rich water, dotted with young volcano craters sparkle black with obsidian & peppered in pumice, where the smell is that of sage year round, cottonwoods & pinyon pine oases provide creekside shade on warm days, while the creeks provide a soundtrack to each night, is a refuge to many feathered friends, where the sun is called to rise by coyotes & gulls, and the sunsets make the mountains burn bright like a hot pink flame. This place, wild, rare and beautiful, has captured my heart and even though I had to fly to Florida a few days, I’ve committed to getting to know more about it’s history during this brief long distance relationship. And it’s that same old distance making the heart grow fonder story, where it takes losing something to realize how much you love this dang wild thing. East Sierra Nevadas, I think I loooooooooove you! Me & Mono are taking that next step in our relationship and shacking up for the next six months. It’ll be hard to dedicate myself to just one place for so long but this ain’t just any place... this is the place I love 4-ever! So come meet my new main squeeze this summer y’all. xoxo photo: @pyro4lif (at Mono Basin Fire Station)

[pennylane85]

John Mayer vs. Music City

Music City, you never cease to amaze me. The Battle Studies show back in 2010 was one of my Top 10 Mayer shows ever, and as you know I’ve seen him a lot. Last night was the same. Hearing “Walt Grace” live was that moment for me.

Mayer & Band kicked the night off once again with “Helpless.” “Moving on and Getting Over” started just like it does on the album, no variation of it last night even though I had prepped my Mom and cousin for it. Before playing “Who Says” Mayer addressed the crowd of musicians in the room saying that 95% the audience were looking for a record deal or already had a record deal.  "I gave myself an 85 percent or a B-minus on the last song,” he said. ”That's what artists do when great artists are in the room." 

One of my favorites from the Search for Everything, “Changing” was up next! I freaked out over this one too! I have to say it was a little more laid-back than the way it sounds on the album. It was another first of the night for me, so I was excited it made the set. “Why Georgia” rounded up the full band segment.

“In Your Atmosphere” opened the Acoustic set. Then it happened. I saw the “Walt Grace” guitar and screamed bloody murder, it was like the “Bold As Love” scream from 2007. Everyone around me looked at me like “What is going on?” I told my cousin he was going to play it, forgetting he starts off with “Dream with a Broken Heart.” But I was still excited b/c I haven’t heard that diddy in a while.  As soon as the chords changed to “Walt Grace,” I lost it and started hitting my cousin in the arm. It’s amazing how you’ve seen an artist over 100 times, and you’ve waited so long to hear one of your favorite songs, and you completely lose it. I didn’t know I’d react that way. That’s how music moves you. I was so overcome with excitement and emotion. I was literally shaking as I was taking the video and thought I was going to pass out. So next up was “Free Fallin” and I didn’t even care b/c I had just heard “Walt Grace.” Although now I think Mayer and I will have this forever joke about that song. I see you, Mayer.

Another special moment happened last night when Mayer decided to honor Glen Campbell by playing “Gentle on my Mind,” “Whether I play it right or wrong, I'd rather have played it,” Mayer said just before he started the tune. Like I mentioned my Ma had dementia and passed away last year, Glen was diagnosed a few years before she was. To see someone you love very much not able to remember who you are or do simple tasks is heartbreaking. But like I said, she could always remember Mayer and that was the last thing we talked about before she passed away. Even though she wasn’t able to speak, she nodded her head when my Mom asked her if she knew who John Mayer was and if she remembered that I chase after him all over the country, I responded with “one day maybe, I’ll catch him.” The Trio has been blowing it away every night. Seeing them really makes me want a Trio tour like back in 2005. Small venues, 2 hours of blues music, rockin’ out, it sure was something. “Who Did You Think I Was,” “Crossroads” and “Vultures” were the set.

“Queen of California” got the full band reprise started with beautiful solos from Larry and Sharkey. During “In the Blood” I could hear Carlos and Tiffany’s harmonies. “Waiting on the World to Change” featured “Inner City Blues (Make Me Wanna Holler)” and it brought me back to summer of 2004. Check out the As/Is iTunes collection! As my cousin exclaimed, “He’s playing all my shit!” when he started “Slow Dancing.” She enjoyed the show and wants to go to another one.

“I was a cocky bastard,” Mayer stated. To paraphrase, he had to get out of the atmosphere to make his dreams come true, so that’s where the cockiness came from. "I wrote songs I thought were cool, but you guys set up homes in them, and made me feel like when I play them, I'm going somewhere with you guys.  I never saw that coming, and that's the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my career. I’m in orbit! Eating space ice cream!”

After “Dear Marie,” the fan favorite “Edge of Desire” off “Battle Studies” was next. “Gravity” closed out the encore before Mayer appeared back on stage for the Epilogue sitting at the white piano singing, “You’re Gonna Live Forever In Me.”

See you kids in the ATL tomorrow night then I’m hightailing it over to Eddie’s to catch the lovely and talented DRH. Then driving back to Nashville to be at work at 7:00 a.m., so photos and review will come sometime late Friday afternoon/night. XOXO, Karri~

[x-rambles]

03/24/2019 @ 2:02 AM

Gratitude: 1. I have an interview coming up.  2. I made it to Spring Break (even though it’s almost over)  3. I have my health (clear nasal passage-important because allergy season is coming up)

I cannot believe I nearly haven’t journaled in a month. That’s ridiculous. What have I been doing? Well, when you drop the ball it’s important to just pick it up and keep moving. 

I had so many goals for March and honestly I am disappointed. Like I said I should pick the ball up and keep it rolling but I also think it’s important for me to be more disciplined and hold myself to a standard to actually fulfill these goals I set!  In my opinion, I’m bare minimum disciplined. I’ll typically attend most of my classes. I get my school work done on time usually. But when it comes to my weight loss journey, and lately, attending work I am not very disciplined at all!

Regarding my job I understand the reason I’m less disciplined but ya girl is going broke. I’m pretty conflicted though because I truly don’t enjoy it. If Aramark were more consistent I wouldn’t have a problem...but being broke isn’t an option! I’m also losing focus when it comes to discipline for saving too....

When researching for my weight loss journey I came across the Daniel Fast. It was interesting because the diet supposed to help lose A LOT of weight...but I’m also feeling like the discipline and fasting part may be good for me too! It’s always good to be close to God..which I would love to/plan to incorporate Bible Study in this but I also think I’ll probably become more disciplined and in tuned with my goals and my purpose in the process. 

I know that part of me is afraid to do this because I don’t want to give up on this. I want to be more discipline. But I also think I have control over my discipline! I have to want it, I have to claim it, and I have to make it mine! 

I will continue researching the Daniel Fast to get more information and decide if that’s definitely what I want to do. I will also work on when/how I can start if that’s what I decide.

I’m positive that I need to lose weight. I’m positive that I need to become more disciplined. (in other aspects as well) The Daniel Fast seems to be the perfect thing to help me on this general journey. 

BUT ALSO...

I have an interview in TWO DAYS, to teach a lesson I HAVEN’T REALLY STUDIED FOR FRFR. Now...I know this job will be AMAZING for me financially. Especially because the following year I’ll be unable to really work due to student teaching. To be honest, I think I’m not putting in much work for this interview because of lack of discipline and because I know I don’t want to work there this summer...

I want to take summer classes and work as a graduate assistant this summer. Summer courses are what I need for my degree anyway...If I needed to take this summer internship it would be if something bad happened most likely. 

My discipline issues are so far deep in a sense. I think this is the case because I generally get things done and i’m doing ALRIGHT. For me, that’s okay but I’m also disappointed. I know that I could be doing more and going farther and being more successful but when it comes to actually putting in the work I just don’t want to!! 

I also know that I can be a BEAST and get things done in short amounts of time so why change?? If that makes sense. I plan to do this Daniel Fast for a short period (21 days) and potentially become KETO afterward or make another lifestyle change to maintain and improve my health. I want this to be symbolic for my life. 

This health change will be a symbol for my life. After making a huge change and doing hard work to get to the root of my issue, in the above example diet (potentially for other issues too) I will then make sustainable changes to my life to ensure I can improve and reach higher heights.

I truly believe I’m capable of amazing things. I’ve felt that way for a long time. I’m starting to finally see the amazing things I want to achieve need more effort from me than I’ve been previously giving.

I started this journal as a goal of mine! It’s helped me in rough times. I fell off, unfortunately but here I am picking the ball up and keeping it rolling! I’m going to continue to have this approach to life, not beat myself up when I fail/slip up, but also dedicate and follow through with continuing my goals!!! 

This was a long one, but it’s been a while. It will NOT be this long again! I’ll go back to my regular journaling!!! I plan to journal during my fasting experience.

I may also incorporate positive affirmations, at least during the fast. 

I am looking forward to great things. I am making great things happen. XoXo, C. 

[delicrieux]

my little world

PAIRING: felix rosier x reader

summary: (name) has finally graduated Hogwarts and has invited some close friends to celebrate!

this is a concontion i’ve created by combining sevral requests and @wispila ‘s beautiful art:   Helloo,, can I request a fic of Felix Rosier (aaahh sorry, a lot of people are probably requesting for him, but the way you portrayed him extremely caught my heart) If possible, just a little one shot, after Felix' graduation from hogwarts and mc would write to him during summer and eventually, they go out exploring the muggle world, and going out on dates. They're supposed to lay off magic because (this must be corny but,) the magic is already their love for each other ??? / plz plz plz some felix x mc cuteness!!! / Hello! Love your felix x mc fics. Can you maybe write more? Maybe something after mc graduates Hogwarts?

a/n: the letters are my favorite part to write. also, the bit abt the russian scarf: i actually saw this girl wearing it when i was @ theatre and it opened my eyes to all new fashion possibilities. AND, felix knows french that’s a hc and you cant prove me otherwise. THANK YOU SO MUCH TO @slytherin-princess1 FOR COMING THRUUUU WITH THIS AESTHETIC!!!!!!!!!!!! <3  ily babes<3 

feedback is always appreciated xoxo

MASTERLIST. ko-fi (i chug coffee as i write these fics, and another cup would make me happy <3)

Felix Rosier is unnaturally nervous when he knocks on your door; your neighbourhood is lively and full of young children playing in their yards, cars passing by to find a free parking space, and animals running around for a more secluded place to nap in. It is all a stark contrast to his home - wrapped up in solitude - as yours is the epitome of rowdy British life. He notes your muggle neighbours watching football on the telly from where he stands; the window is open and they are screaming profanities and cheers alike. The sky, golden and rosy, casts a dim glow on the world. His hand, holding a carefully picked batch of colourful flowers, sweats. He overhears some teens rave about an unfamiliar punk band. Felix Rosier, in all his glory, has never felt more out of place. He looks posh and feels ridiculous. Perhaps he should just leave?

This ongoing train of thought, more of doubt than anything, promptly stops when you swing the door open, your small frame draped over by a black Russian scarf with ornaments and flowers adoring its back. He inhales sharply at the sight, his lips, much to his displeasure as he can no longer hold his cool façade, quirk into a smile. It is the same gift he had sent you many moons ago, when he was touring Russia with his family. He figures, due to the two of you exchanging letters every week for years now, that it would only be natural, if not a bit forward, to bring back a souvenir. Though, Felix could hardly help himself. The scarf simply reminded him of you, and he had no choice but to purchase it. But…now that he thinks of it, thinks how beautiful you look wearing something he gifted, something that he very clearly indented you to wear, everything that he saw in Russia, everything ringing true to beauty – paintings, statues, a little flowers – always reminded him of you.

“You made it.” You beam, stepping aside to let him enter your humble abode, though not missing the chance to eye the pretty flowers in his grasp. You blush lightly, already anticipating as to when he will give them to you. You momentarily rack your mind for where your mother hid all the vases. “The rest are in the garden.” You say as you close the door with a soft click.

His eyes stop wandering around your humble palace – it is more muggle like than he had expected, but somehow it makes it all the more cosy. Magic is a double sided coin, after all. Some, like his parents, and many other pureblood families chose to view it as a tool of power, manipulation, and calculation. However, the more humane ones, like your family, like you, use it to enhance the human aspects; the soft aspects, per se, making the lights not as glaring, or the washing machine not as loud. Again, he feels alien to your world, but is strangely content with being a part of it.

You walk past him, most likely to lead the way, but he grabs your wrist and you promptly stop. Curious, you turn to him. Blasted nerves, got the best of him again. He would rather do this here, alone, with you. He does not want probing eyes. Your friends are a favourable bunch, you had insisted on it, but he is much older than you, and this is awkward enough as it is. The two of you had only really become close in your sixth year, when he was stressed from work and you of upcoming graduation, curses, and Jacob being back. You had always been a pupil to him, but now…It would be hard to imagine you in that same image. He does not wish to, either.

“(Name) (Lastname),” Felix addresses you formally, as if to give a grand speech. You refrain from snorting. His look of refinement soon shifts to careful admiration, “Or simply… Mon Petit Monde [1] .” Your heart swells in your chest and you grin; he lets go of you to take out his wand. Whispering a few spells under his breath, the flowers he had been holding swirl and turn and link to one another to make a crown that, after floating in the air for a few short seconds, slowly lands onto your head, “Congratulations on completing seven dangerous years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and only losing a handful of House points I could complain about. You have been, and continue to be, an outstanding witch, trusted friend, and loving woman. “He never breaks eye contacts as he says this, “I am immensely proud of you. And…I love you.”

“Oh, Felix…” You pull him into a tight embrace, “You absolute…you…sweetheart! The distain for other is just a facade, isn’t it?”

“…Sure.” He replies awkwardly after a pause, and you snicker.

Standing on your tippy-toes you kiss the side of his lips, whispering, “And I love you, as well…” Grasping his hand firmly, with no intention of letting go, you say, “Come, I’ll introduce you to my friends. Also, Jacob wants to meet you.”

“Should I be worried?”

You look him dead in the eye, “Only if you have something to hide.”

“Just your many misbehavings and foolish adventures during your first few years at Hogwarts. Oh, and your embarrassing love confession.”

“What was embarrassing about my confession?”

“You sent me a Howler.”

“…I’m just…really… passionate…”

 BONUS:

Mon Petit Monde,

You have a way with words like no other. It is troubling to admit how deeply they had affected me. I would be lying if I said that I do not miss your letters, and that they do not make me happy when they finally come. I would also be lying if I said that I do not keep and cherish every single one of them, no matter their coherency. Even if it is one sentence only. The most letters I get are from my friends and colleagues, and they all are dull in comparison. Perhaps I am…blinded. Perhaps your letters mean so much because you write them. Forgive me, I am rambling.

I have been greatly distracted these past few months and I have desperately tried to find a cure for this madness. I feel as if there is a weight on my chest that must be lifted. I have thought hard about it on many sleepless nights, and concluded that, and please do not hate me for this, I am completely enraptured by you. I wish I could say this to you in person. But I am too far away and you are still but a student at the end of your school adventure, and I cannot visit Hogwarts, and you cannot visit me. I wished to see your eyes when I confess. You have the prettiest ones, and I feel as if I can tell no lie when I am in your presence and therefore I would be strict, coherent, to the point. I would not dawdle. Alas, I have no choice but to tell you, because I feel as if I will drown if I do not. Last summer, when we met after so many years, was when something awoke in me, something I myself cannot explain. What I did know is that I could not look at you too much, because if I would I wouldn’t be able to take my eyes away from you at all. I tried to fight this feeling, yet to no avail. Only you can douse it if you wish, or let it burn freely if that is what you desire.

I understand if you do not return my feelings. A part of me thinks that is for the best. Yet another, the one I am slipping to deeper and deeper, wishes for nothing more than to hold you close, day and night. I wait anxiously for your letter, if you chose me to grace me with an answer at all. Either way, I am glad I told you.

Yours, forever,

Felix

[1] mon petit monde - my little world (french)

forever tags: @scarletraine- @brahwhytho- @smilesfromabove- @pharaohkiller - @victoriaelvendorkweasley-@onehellofdevilotaku- @eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy- @phillipas00- @xxcrowfeatherxx- @cupcakestyleshood- @invisibilityrocks- @nephalem67 - @chwechwechwe - @porpentyna - @lesbianheartbreaker - @banjosanjo - @madswheelers - @sombodymaybeawatson - @disneyfanatic77 - @superanonymousreader - @aliypop​ - @slytherinyour-chambers - @onehellofdevilotaku - @victoriaelvendorkweasley - @pharaohkiller - @smilesfromabove - @brahwhytho - @scarletraine 

[survivorjordanpines]

Episode 2: It's All a Learning Experience Folks. - Andreas

[2017-11-17, 11:17:07 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): oh god puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:17:09 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): im triggered [2017-11-17, 11:19:11 PM] Rafael Hernandez: I'm going to Kermit [2017-11-17, 11:19:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i am honestly awful at puzzles so if everyone else is around and can do them, i don’t mind sitting out Jaiden volunteers to sit out. Me, an intellectual, knows what I need to do now. [2017-11-17, 11:34:11 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): if someone on the tribe doesn’t submit [2017-11-17, 11:34:18 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): they don’t qualify for the worst time gets immunity if we lose [2017-11-17, 11:34:19 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): yes? [2017-11-17, 11:34:23 PM] Jordan Pines: correct [2017-11-17, 11:34:26 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): k cool [2017-11-17, 11:34:29 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that immunity is mine [2017-11-17, 11:34:32 PM] Jordan Pines: you need to submit a completed puzzle to be eligible [2017-11-17, 11:34:35 PM] Jordan Pines: so you throwing the challenge? [2017-11-17, 11:34:42 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i don’t know, am i? [2017-11-17, 11:34:45 PM] Jordan Pines: hahaha [2017-11-17, 11:34:47 PM] Jordan Pines: classic charlotte [2017-11-17, 11:34:51 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): ;) [2017-11-17, 11:35:04 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): i didn’t make sure my entire tribe knew i was bad at puzzles [2017-11-17, 11:35:05 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): on purpose [2017-11-17, 11:35:08 PM] charlotte (themyscira host): that wasn’t me I mean, I AM bad at puzzles, this is true, but am I going to be a little extra bad just in case we lose? Absolutely. I would love to be safe going into the next round.. I don't care about going to the Jordan Pond. Let's be honest, I wasn't going to have the best puzzle time anyway lmao HOW CUTE.  

I wonder if nick convinced maybe Allison to flip but not Amanda as he claimed they both would flip one lied one thought he had the votes. Plus drew's voting confession i think the last one was, was on point why i never took him up on that offer. It's week 1 i can't risk my spot for you this time sorry every game is different but my alliance is Madison.

alright alright alright hot damn this game is fifty times better than i expected! soooooo, it's time for a quick rundown: https://image.prntscr.com/image/fkjkBD9RQJikMqASaB5frw.png a 30 person season? not loving that concept. redemption island? not loving that one either. my tribe? i can get down with that for now. i'm feeling very blessed to be on a tribe with icons such as ryan, jessica, and matt summers - well, not anymore, but still. he will always be in our hearts. i've also had some real cute chats with ruthie, andreas, and cole, so i'm love them so far. and that's like 2/3 of the tribe, huh? the other ones - pippa, emma, casey - are all lovely and nice but we haven't really had much to say to one another so far. okay, actually i take that back for casey; we had a good talk the other day about jobs and stuff. only for 30 minutes, but still. i'm a fan of her. so things are lookin pretty good in that regard. my strategy so far? honestly, just sitting back and seeing where this game takes me. it's a foreign concept to me for sure - in all my other games, i always thought of the beginning few days as the most important part, and i'd probably be checking in with everyone every five hours and trying to make 7 core alliances right now. but frankly i just do not have the time or energy for that shit right now. i'm not young anymore. and i gotta say i don't hate it. especially because it seems like that's sort of the case for all of us here; we old-timers have real jobs and real responsibilities and we can't be bothered to be online 25/7, and that's OKAY! promote positive media relationships tm! anyways i have zero alliances right now and that's just fine with me, i'm sure this isn't the case for everyone and there could even be a massive conspiracy going on in this tribe that i have no awareness of but y'know what, nobody is perfect and this is just gonna be how it is for me right now. alright enough of me talking about how ancient i am. who's ready for a TWISTOS TWIST? i sure am cos apparently (through some randomized magic that i still do not completely comprehend) ya boi has a RUBY IDOL! damn!! now i will say that i definitely had not even heard of this thing before now and i don't know exactly how one is supposed to use it but an idol is an idol and this one looks sneaky sneaky so i'm into it! i am certainly not telling anyone about this no ma'am because what's the fun in that? :~~())) and that's really all i've got for you today folks, i ate five pounds of potatoes today and i need a nap so stay tuned for whatever adventures fall upon my head next episode! xoxo stay gold ponyboys

I actually despise this puzzle. However, I feel like I will be safeguarded if we do go to tribal by my alliance. Hopefully, however, we do not have to and continue dominating the game.

Nick was voted out and Idk who that was. Its very clear the icons are vote out matt summers just so he can kill everyone in redemption but like it was so obvious. The twist is interesting bc I could just throw this damn puzzle challenge and be safe for a round but at the same time I love this tribe and I dont want us to lose

Oop, got some new information Apparently, L.A. And Charlotte are friends in real life. I don’t plan on using this yet, but if I’m ever in trouble, I can use it throw them under the bus. Let’s look at the evidence .... -both from New Brunswick -Hosting a season together -LA knew the name of Charlotte’s moms cat

I've decided I want to throw immunity tonight. To put it this way, I want to give myself the opportunity to go to this mythical isle of Pines in order to potentially find an idol. Although Redemption Island is here and there's really no point in idoling someone out to send them to Redemption Island, I want to do something crazy and messy at least once this season so ya. I've been letting the puzzle time go on by as I sit here and wait for the challenge to be *just* about due, and then I'll submit something really terrible. Hopefully we lose and hopefully I'm the worst out of my tribe, then I can go searching and have myself a grand ol' time! I don't know when I'll get this opportunity later so may as well take the chance while I have it. As far as gameplay goes so far, I've tried to be as under the radar as possible. I didn't say much during the first couple challenges because I want people to just forget that I'm even here. I got into an alliance put together by Kage and I'm going to just continue to skim their messages and wait for someone to approach me. I don't normally play super passively like this, but I just need to remain in a good spot with that alliance so I can get through the premerge (for once). 

Jaiden honestly we get it like you dont feel safe but chill a bit you couldve thrown it less obviously. BUT WE STILL WON HAHAHAHAHA I think its interesting that Nick won Redemption and I cant wait to see who the fuck goes next

Ok so I think I forgot to do this last episode oops. I think I am in a good position on my tribe. Right now I have an "Old School" alliance of me Jess Casey and Cole. I do like this group a lot but I know Casey does not care about real life friendships in games, which is fine I would not be upset if she turned on me, it just means in the game I am not going to trust her that much. But I also have Emma and Ari who I trust and like a lot. Then there is Andreas, the last game we played together was a disaster since we were so actively against each other. Ruthie is a cutie but I don't really know her all that well. And Pippa is just..well my daughter who I apparently don't work with ever. Right now my goal is to get Pippa out. It seems like the easier vote, but I would like Andreas/Ruthie out earlier than later in this game. I know they both have lots of friends that are not me or my friends which makes them threats in my opinion. Cole is great by the way and I love him.

I'm really glad it seems like we already have a name of someone to vote out. I'm going out tonight and I'm just semi stressed that things are going to change and it'll be me though, AHH. 

I don't know if I confessed about this so fuck it. I am glad that Kage is going to the isle of pines. I would like to consider him my number 1 ally in this game so far. The "Icons Only" alliance seems to be strong enough to survive one or two votes, but it will definitely get messy as our numbers dwindle. Thankfully, that has not happened yet since we won immunity. I know Jaiden got the worst score to go to the isle of pines but like he didn't need to lose that hard. We won but if we lost because of Jaiden's antics I would have been pissed. I am keeping an eye on him just in case things go awry. In my eyes, he is at the bottom of the totem pole including Gage. However, I like Gage more and I want to keep him close so that we can go against Charlotte and LA if the time comes.

At tribal council last round, Matt went 10-0, which was expected. He hadn't been online, and no one wanted an inactive. Then he also didn't submit for Redemption Island, so he became the first boot of our season. I think Matt going was an easy vote and allowed those of us on our tribe an opportunity to mingle and socialize more. Meanwhile, during the past tribal, Pippa's name was also thrown out because she hasn't really been online at all, and was barely active. I hoped that with the second chance she was given that she would socialize more as she is someone I would like to see deep in this game - but it looks like might not happen. For the immunity challenge, we had to do a god AWFUL puzzle which made me not like looking at Jordan Pines' face. I know - terrible!!!! So, I got the second best time on my tribe, and 4th(?) best overall which I was kind of surprised about. I expected some really good times and tried to have a mediocre time but I came out on top. So, despite Ryan and I being 2 of the best times, we still lost. Then Pines introduced the Isles of Pines, and Cole, who had the worst time, got sent there and was immune from the vote. I think had he not been safe his name may have been suggested. Thinking back, aligning with him might not have been my best bet as I don't see him as someone people want to take further. Especially if he's shit at challenges . But he shall tell me what was there, which is good. So following this, Emma messaged me stating she is worried, as she did not do the challenge that she may be in danger. I assured her she would be fine, and went talking to Ryan and Jessica trying to get Pippa's name back on the chopping block. They both seemed to agree that it made the most sense, and now, with 7 hours left until votes are due Pippa has yet to make an appearance. Unless something sketchy happens, she should be on redemption soon. Emma and I were celebrating that we are probably safe again and then she suggested we make a Her/Me/Ryan/Aru/Jessica/Ruthie alliance which I think would be good. We're the stongest 6 on our tribe if we wanna move forward and I haven't had a solid alliance in recent seasons which I think fucked me over. So we each took 2 names and decided to chat with them. I had Ari and Jess. Ari agreed right away that we should do that alliance and Jess hasn't been online to chat with about it. The tribe is very quiet and I think it's because we all have lives to lead. Plus we just went to tribal with 10 and now there's gonna be 8 of us and it's a huge jump. One last thing, the puzzle thing showed who's better then puzzles at me. And while I did get a time of 18 mins my first time, that was still better then a majority of people. You know when else there was a challenge ? The secret power thing. And if Kage and Drew and Ryan were faster then me, then its safe to assume one of them has it. BUT, Ryan was talking during the time that post went up the first night so he doesn't have it. It's either Kage or Drew then. We shall see what it is. But I know that i'm not gonna go around advertising theirs a hidden power. Did that in Great Lakes and it caused a lot more trouble then it should have. It's all a learning experience folks.

Yay! We won immunity again! Even better I won reward! At camp, I’m working on my personal relationships, specifically with Regan, David, Gage, and Rafael. I hope that by befriending them that they will be more sympathetic in my time of need. Tisk tisk tisk Jaiden, he tried put his own personal desires ahead of the tribe. He tried to get the worst time so if we lost, he’d go the Isles Of The Pines. Jokes on him, I got it. Oh well, at least this just builds my case for whenever I want to get out Jaiden. At Isles Of The Pines I got stuck with Chrissa and Cole. Gross. The only dirt I got from them was from Chrissa saying Liam is probably going home tonight. So not much. I searched and to my luck, found a clue to the idol.... “Along the Southern Path you be, You find a nice and climbable tree. It holds 4 holes for which you see, in one of them is where powers be.“ The clue is still there so someone else could find it. I’m going to go back to my tribe and tell my alliance (Me, Rafael, Jaiden, LA, Charlotte, Gage) that I searched there and found nothing. Let’s just hope they don’t double check that. I’m feeling really good right now as we’re on winning streak, and I’ll hopefully get the idol soon. I have cases on why we should get rid of Regan, Jaiden, and Karen if I ever need them. So right now I’m pretty much the King of the game, to that I say, Long Live The King

Whew I'm really nervous about tonight! Not because I think I'm up for the chopping block, but because I have No Fucking Clue if I'll be there for tribal. Thanks a lot for cooking my pressure, CHARLOTTE (jk love ya) The vote, afaik, is for Allison, and tbh I'm kinda fine with that? Like, I've never personally been a huge fan of her, and she does start to get annoying to be around after a lil while. So if she goes, I'm cool with it tbh.

So we lost again. Sucks. Did the puzzle once and did better then half my tribe. Fucking Cole got 100 mins. Probs in putpose can’t work with that long term we could have fucking won. Anyway pippa is quiet and needs to go

My names Pippa and i hate playing games with RTP bc he sucks butt Jess: Ryan said he’d never vote out Emma Ryan: it’s because you came in late that no one wants to vote with you Me: die Ryan, you little turd

Pippa came to me about an hour before tribal and wanted to vote Emma out. She said to me that she had the number in a ari, Jessica and ryan however none of them really want to send Emma home - including myself. It sucks we're lying to her, but she should've started playing more earlier. Tribal is in literally 3 minutes and she's probably still scheming 

Tag yourself im emma and her crew 

[onehundredbetterdays]

My Whole30: why I’m now a believer.

I am 12 days removed from my first completed Whole30 and I have to tell you… I have never been more thankful for a 30-day reset than right now. I feel energized. I feel happy. I feel strong. I’ve been excited to write this post for you all month long and it’s finally, finally here!

I hope these notes + comments encourage and empower you! Thanks for allowing me to be vulnerable and messy in this space!

xoxo,

hb.

A little backstory

I attempted my second Whole30 in January of this year. I made it two solid weeks before I was laid out flat by a sinus infection in the third week and was forced to throw in the towel. Antibiotics and lots of Greek yogurt is what the doctor prescribed.

Lane and I are the types to set goals. Really, I’m the goal-setter of our little family but he comes along for the ride. When we set our 2017 goals, I had this on the list: complete a Whole30.

I want to do it. Like, really do it. No cutting corners. No “cheats.” In the past, I was half-hearted about the process. I thought, “I will do everything except kick cream out of my coffee” or “I can totally have beans. I NEED BEANS.” I wanted to do the thing at 100% this time around.

Whole30 is talked about on nearly every food and health blog. Some would say it’s a massive trend, a franchise, that will eventually die out.

Last summer, I decided I wanted to shed some pounds for my wedding. Sweating for the wedding is what I called it. I feel no shame in that. We all want to look and feel our best on the day we wear white. But my results were pretty flimsy. I saw no change in my body. I adore my wedding dress and pictures but I remember being confused as to why I couldn’t lose any weight. My friends said it was likely because of the antidepressant I was taking. It’s common for antidepressants to keep you from losing weight.

In January of this year, I started again. I set the goals to lose some pounds and get that “summer body.” Again. No progress. The scale never budged. The extra pounds never came off.

I went to a doctor in May to have my blood drawn and to make sure there wasn’t anything wrong with me. Thyroid issues are common in my family and I wondered, “Maybe this is why I can’t lose weight. Maybe this is why I get fatigued so easily.”

My bloodwork came back normal. My doctor shrugged and said, “maybe try a Whole30.”

I really hated her resolve. I huffed and puffed to myself leaving that doctor’s office. I didn’t believe that a diet like the Whole30 could actually change anything. I was working out 5 days a week for 45 minutes. I was eating fairly clean. Why was it that I couldn’t just get to the place where I felt happy and content?

I realize this place of contentment does rest in numbers on a scale. However, I told myself I would be honest with this post and dishonesty would like claiming I never feel insecure about my body, I am consistently happy with the skin I am in, and weight is a not an issue for me. You might look at me and think I shouldn’t struggle with these issues but I think we all do. Maybe we could talk about it with a little less shame? Maybe less shame, and more conversation would drive us all into healthier spaces.

The reasoning

Surprisingly, when I walked into my Whole30 this past September it wasn’t about losing weight. I’d be lying if I told you 2017 has been a cakewalk. There’s been cake but no cakewalk. I’ve been challenged physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was just one of those long desert seasons where it feels like nothing is moving and you just don’t know who you are anymore. I call these times “cocooning” because it feels very quiet, very closed off, and very internal. Marriage has been this sliver of joy in the mess but I otherwise found myself feeling drained and looking at God like, “Really? Can’t I control at least one thing?”

So I remembered how two years ago, in the midst of heartbreak right before I met Lane, I did a Whole30 as an effort to take something into my own hands. God is gracious and he met me there. I remember that month being one of the complete. Something healing happened when I let go of the control food had on me through the 30-day challenge. Truth told I made it 26 days that time.

I decided to repeat my efforts this September. I walked in cautiously optimistic, knowing I have yet to prove myself by actually putting the Whole or the 30 in the Whole30. I think I believed what a lot of people might believe: it’s just 30 days. It cannot change that much. There’s nothing magical about this thing. 

The 30 days

No cutting corners this time. I did the challenge by the book. I recommend the book because it’s a really good resource and it feels like a companion throughout the 30 days. It gave me some solid recipes, a strong timeline of how I should be feeling, and motivation to keep getting over the hurdles.

Admittedly, I bombed the challenge that first day. I didn’t fail or cheat but I definitely cooked WAY too much bacon & paid the price of a big stomachache and a long nap. But after that one hiccup, we did okay!

My cravings curbed after 10 days. I no longer wanted cheese or bread. I found the feelings of energy building up to be way more addicting than empty carbs. I would say the biggest victory of my Whole30 was realizing just how many emotions we tie to the consumption of food.

Lane and I took a trip to the Blue Ridge mountains during Weekend #2 of my Whole30. We enjoyed a nice dinner out with no wine, no bread (for me), no sugar and no dessert. It might sound like a nightmare to you but I was forced to be present and in the moment. I had to squash the desire to cheat. I realized throughout that time that on trips we take I am normally consumed by the idea of food and end up feeling sluggish the whole time. This time, I was awake, alert and really happy to just be with Lane. Major win.

Another huge win: realizing how much I am prone to eat or drink something because I feel like I “deserve” it. That’s a messed up idea that I didn’t fully process until I was in the middle of the challenge and post-challenge. I don’t want to consume things just because I “deserve” them. I want to feel freedom with my choices and I want those choices to not be so self-centered and self-gratifying.

Overall, the Whole30 wasn’t too hard for me this time. I think there are a few reasons for this:

I’ve begun meal-prepping in the last few years. This makes all the difference. Make several servings of a meal when you are cooking so you can easily grab something out of the fridge or freezer to fuel you.

I know how to measure things now. It seems silly but I used to hate measuring ingredients and I wondered why all my food tasted so crappy. This time around, I was up for the challenge of trying new recipes and going to the grocery store to invest in some new ingredients.

I realized not every meal had to be premium or deluxe. There was one morning where I sat and ate hardboiled eggs and pineapple with no remorse. You want food that is going to fool you but you don’t need to be Martha Stewart to complete this challenge.

Notes & tips

I did very little working out during my Whole30. This was actually really freeing and restful for me. It also showed me that as much as I love fitness, losing weight has everything to do with food. There is a reason so many gyms obnoxiously post fliers around that say, “Abs are made in the kitchen.” I had rewrites for my book the first half of the Whole30 so my mind was very much: Wake up. Eat what you have to eat. Write. Nap. Exist. I didn’t feel the pressure to fit much else in.

It helps to have buddies to push you along. I joined a support group on Facebook with a bunch of strangers! I posted my meals on social media as a form of accountability. I had a girlfriend join me 11 days in and another one started her challenge on my day 25. It was fun to have people to share recipes with. Things like this are so much easier when there’s someone beside you to say, “me too.”

It is truly amazing but never once did I get sick of eggs. I could legitimately eat eggs for every meal of the day and not grow tired. Eggs, ghee, fat balls, and kombucha were my saving graces. I didn’t even feel strange pouring some buch into a wine glass to clink with my friends. I felt happy and complete.

The Results

Guys… I am a believer now. Hardcore. No denying it. I can’t say the Whole30 works for every single person but it definitely changed me in so many ways.

I shelved the idea that Whole30 was going to change the number on the scale and actually had Lane hide the scale battery so I couldn’t focus on that.

In terms of non-scale victories, there were plenty:

Tons of new energy and no more “afternoon slump” after day 7.

Reduced amount of hair shedding.

Clearer skin and all issues with psoriasis gone by day 14.

Happier, more social, and feeling more comfortable in my own skin.

Easier time waking up in the morning.

Less anxiety.

Clearer thoughts- that “brain fog” they talk about from grain is real, guys.

More food-savoring instead of just eating whatever is available to me for no reason at all.

Improvement in overall body image.

This is just the start of a list of benefits from the Whole30. Lane didn’t do the complete challenge with me but he definitely cooked a bunch and kept me alive at certain points when I wanted to give up. I loved how it brought us closer together as we shared recipes, bought food together, and tried new dishes. Our “going out to eat” expenses plummeted in the month of September. I only went out to eat about 3 times in the whole 30 days.

Weight loss did happen. I went from being unable to lose a single pound for an entire year to dropping 8 pounds in 30 days. It’s a definite victory to have your clothes fit better and loser but I think I love being able to shelf the dumb lie that my antidepressant was standing in my way. There are some people who find it difficult to lose weight because of medication but it seems this is no longer an issue for me.

Favorite Recipes

As I made this list I realized I want to go back and make everything all over again. There is no lack of savory goodness on the Whole30 if you take your time and really challenge yourself to try newer, greener things.

BLT Chicken Bake = I could eat you for the rest of my life.

Fantastic soup recipe– especially if you have to share a meal with people.

These nuggs are life.

Made these twice and they are a great party appetizer.

This slow cooker applesauce got me through the 30 days.

Lane and I had a Big Brother Finale Party and made these poppers.

My favorite meal on the Whole30.

We honestly thought we were eating “grits.” That good.

I messed up the recipe a little but these were still yum.

My last Whole30 meal. And dang was it good.

No, wait… maybe this was my favorite meal.

Simple & classic.

I highly recommend these red potatoes as a side dish.

Favorite slow cooker recipe on the Whole30.

I wanted to tackle some Q&A in this post but it’s already getting long so I’ll save that for my next post! If you have any questions you want me to answer (I’ll try my best), then leave them in the comment section below. I would love to hear about your experiences with the Whole30 and how it changed things in your life! I’ll be reading!

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