#i live in fear of his posts now
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#jeong yunho#yunho#ateez#no notes#no thoughts#just vibes#bad romance vibes#he is too dangerous now#i live in fear of his posts now#he has the knowledge and the power#sith lord serial killer era
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if killer has differently sized eyes then does he blink like those lizards that have each eye blink abnormally. like the small eye has to be shut for a full second and then the big eye has to take a minute to blink. his blinks are delayed. they have their own timer. is this purposeful??? perhaps killer is doing it on purpose to freak people out and its just a really really really long running inside joke between himself and himself. or it could actually be srs and he can't blink synchronized. or he could use it to his advantage by like never having one eye closed ever. he'd never be held back by the disability that is blinking. AND it's a psychological trick on his enemy because they're weirded out like "why isnt this prick blinking normally"
does this make the top 20 dumbest triglycercule posts. i think this is a solid 12/20
#the reality is that he doesn't blink but let's just ignore that for now#sometimes i come up with the most hilarious ideas when i dont want to#i was drawing sketch 4 the 2nd jk au 4koma and i was drawing killer's eyes and i was like wait wtf how does this prink blink#4koma will be coming on monday because this will be the sunday post even though i came up with this on saturday#its too late to post it!!!! jt is 8 pm nobody will see this hilarious idea#i havent checked my notifications since i posted the jk au stuff im too scared#sometimes fear grips me in the most insurmountably insignificant situations#it's been thundering in my area recently and all i can think about is which of the mtt would survive a lightning strike#you guys can get a second tricule rant on this. stat wise only dust would live with his 99 hp#BUTTTT who gives a shit about canon. killer would survive out of sheer silliness and determination#horror would be comatose and he'd take a solid month to recover. my poor weak coughing baby vs hydrogen bomb#dust would live like killer but he would be crawling out of the remains. like a pheonix#tricule rant#killer sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#bad sans gang#nightmare's gang#utmv#sans au#undertale au
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I might be having an "I've connected the dots" "you didn't connect shit" moment but I'm obsessed with the gk live action showing half-dead ogata using his fingers to trace out the word "immortal" on tsurumi's palm. it’s such a choice! it's got the weirdly intimate edge that tsurumi's interactions with his subordinates so often have. and for an audience familiar with the source material it has some extra overtones: we know that the post-patricide hand-on-ogata's-knee situation has already happened and that ogata has already decided to betray tsurumi. so again we get what looks like affectionate physical touch being used between these two for manipulation. even though he knows he's going to escape at the first opportunity, ogata still reaches for tsurumi's hand. he knows how tsurumi has tried to manipulate him in the past, and now he's going to try to use that same language to get tsurumi to go after sugimoto on his behalf. A+ adaptation addition, love it
#I know it might not be that deep lol. but man#in the manga tsurumi just says 'he wrote a single word with his finger' and we don't see how#I think I assumed he wrote it in the snow or with ink on scrap paper in the hospital or smth#but like. tracing it into someone's palm would not be the obvious answer so that choice + showing it feels intentional#and it has that gk sauce you know. a bit of homoeroticism a bit of mind games#anyway yeah i watched the live action a few days ago so i think my speedrun of all gk media is now complete. whew#my posts#golden kamuy#golden kamuy live action#ogata hyakunosuke#tsurumi tokushirou#sorry everyone but I fear my gk metaposting era has begun
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Chapter 83 - Loss
#boku no hero academia#deku#izuku midoriya#bnha#my hero academia#the loss. the grief. the fear. the defeat. the genuine fucking tragedy in his face#the raw emotion#the scream that probably threw out his voice#the terror#there's so much to this panel#the blur effect on it to really drive home how hard he's screaming in pure genuine anguish#he failed. he couldn't save someone.#and that someone is... the person he genuinely cares about the most (besides y'know his mom)#that's his friend. that's his best fucking friend they grew up together.#imagine. imagine seeing the person you grew up with being taken away by villains.#you don't know what they're going to do to him#for all he knows they're going to KILL him. they don't know why they took katsuki yet.#for all he knows? they could be about to make katsuki into a nomu.#you just know all the possibilities are playing through his head so fast right now and all he can do right now is just... scream#it's the uncertainty. he doesn't know if he's ever going to see katsuki again.#and... he's sixteen.#he's a kid#he's a kid and he just watched his oldest friend. the person who he knows best and who knows him best.#get taken away from him by genuine actual murderers.#sure. they fight a lot. and they butt heads. and they don't really get along perfectly well at this point in their lives.#but the years before (and the years after)? they're friends who care about each other. and they still care about each other now.#even if katsuki doesn't want to admit that we know it's true from all the other shit he does#and now izuku is there. thinking that there's a chance that the last time he ever would see katsuki again was right then in that moment.#and you just have to sit back... and go... fuck. man. he's a child.#i genuinely almost hit tag limit on this post sorry guys KJDHJKH
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 62
Chapter Highlights (but let’s be real all this chapter already is)
The Crochans did not scatter to the winds.
As one, the Thirteen and the Crochans flew to the southwest, toward the outer reaches of the Fangs. To another secret camp, since the location of the other was well and truly compromised. Farther from Terrasen, but closer to Morath, at least.
A small comfort, Dorian thought, when they found a secure place to camp for the night. The wyverns might have been able to keep going, but the Crochans on their brooms could not fly for so long. They'd flown until darkness had nearly blinded them all, landing only after the Shadows and Crochans had agreed on a secure place to stay.
Watches were set, both on the ground and in the sky. If the two surviving Matrons were to retaliate for their humiliating defeat, it would be now. The Crochans and Asterin had spent much of their time today laying misleading tracks, but only time would tell if they'd escaped.
The night was frigid enough that they took the time to erect tents, the wyverns huddling together against one of the rocky overhangs.
And though no fires would have been wiser, the cold threatened to be so lethal that Glennis had taken the sacred flame from the glass orb where it was held while traveling and ignited her fire.
Others had followed suit, and while glamours would be in place to hide the camp, the fires, from enemy eyes, Dorian couldn't entirely forget that the Ironteeth Matrons had found them regardless.
Sleep had almost dragged him under when a burst of cold slithered into the tent, then vanished. He knew who it was before she sat beside his bedroll, and when he opened his eyes, he found Manon with her knees drawn up, arms braced atop them.
She stared into the dimness of his tent, the space illumined with silvery light from the glowing stars on her brow.
"You don't have to wear it all the time," he said. "We're allowed to take them off."
Golden eyes slid toward him. "I've never seen you wear a crown."
"The past few months haven't provided much access to the royal collection." He sat up.
"And I hate wearing them anyway. They dig mercilessly into my head."
A hint of a smile. "This is not so heavy."
"Since it seems made of light itself, I'd imagine not." Though that crown would weigh heavily in other ways, he knew.
"So you're talking to me," she said, not bothering to segue gracefully.
"I talked to you before."
"Is it because I am now queen?"
"You were queen prior to today."
Her golden eyes narrowed, scanning him for the answer she sought. Dorian let her do it, and returned the favor. Her breathing was steady, her posture at ease for once.
"I thought it would be more satisfying. To see her run." Her grandmother. "When you killed your father, what did you feel?"
"Rage. Hate." He didn't balk from the truth in his words, the ugliness.
She chewed on her lower lip, no sign of those iron teeth. A rare, silent admission of doubt. "Do you think I should have killed her?"
"Some might say yes. But humiliating her like that," he said, considering, "might weaken her and the Ironteeth forces more than her death. Killing her might have rallied the Ironteeth against you."
"I killed the Yellowlegs Matron."
"You killed her, spared the Blueblood witch, and your grandmother fled. That's a demoralizing defeat. Had you killed them all, even killed just your grandmother and the Yellowlegs Matron, it could have turned their deaths into noble sacrifices on behalf of the Ironteeth Clans."
She nodded, her golden eyes settling on him again with that preternatural clarity and stillness. "I am sorry," she said. "For how I spoke when I learned of your plans to go to Morath."
He was stunned enough that he just blinked.
Stunned enough that humor was his only shield as he said, "Seems like that Crochan do-gooder behavior is rubbing off on you, Manon."
A half smile at that. "Mother help me if I ever become so dull."
But Dorian's amusement faded away. "I accept your apology." He held her gaze, letting her see the truth in it.
It seemed answer enough for her. Answer, and somehow the final clue to what she sought.
Her golden eyes guttered. "You're leaving," she breathed. "Tomorrow."
He didn't bother to lie. "Yes."
It was time. She had faced her grandmother, had challenged what she'd created. It was time for him to do the same. He didn't need Damaris's confirming warmth or the spirits of the dead to tell him that.
"How?"
"You witches have brooms and wyverns. I've learned to make my own wings."
For a few breaths, she said nothing. Then she lowered her knees, twisting to face him fully. "Morath is a death trap."
"It is."
"I—we cannot go with you."
"I know."
He could have sworn fear entered her eyes.
Yet she didn't rage at him, roar at him-didn't so much as snarl. She only asked, "You're not afraid to go alone?"
"Of course I'm afraid. Anyone in their right mind would be. But my task is more important than fear, I think."
Anger flickered over her face, her shoulders tensing.
Then it faded and was replaced by something he had seen only earlier today-that queen's face. Steady and wise, edged with sorrow and bright with clarity. Her eyes dipped to the bedroll, then lifted to meet his own. "And if I asked you to stay?"
The question also took him by surprise. He carefully thought through his answer. "I'd need a very convincing reason, I suppose.
Her fingers went to the buckles and buttons of her leathers, and began to loosen them.
"Because I don't want you to go," was all she said.
His heart thundered as she revealed inch after inch of bare, silken skin. Not a seductive removal of her clothing, but rather an offer laid bare.
Manon said softly, "We could make an alliance. Between Adarlan, and the Crochans. And any Ironteeth who might follow me."
It was her answer, he realized. To his request for a convincing reason to remain.
She took his hand, and interlaced their fingers.
It was more intimate than anything they'd shared, more vulnerable than she'd ever allowed herself to be. "An alliance," she said, throat bobbing, "between you and me."
Her golden eyes lifted to his, the offer gleaming there.
To marry. To unite their peoples in the strongest, most unbreakable of terms.
"You don't want that," he said with equal quiet. "You would never want to be shackled to any man like that."
He could see the truth there, in her beautiful face. That she agreed with him. But she shook her head, the starlight dancing on her hair. "The Crochans have not offered to fly to war. I have not yet dared ask them. But if I had the strength of Adarlan beside me, perhaps they might be convinced at last."
If they had not been convinced by today's triumph, then nothing would change their minds. Even their queen offering up the freedom she craved so badly.
That Manon would even consider it, though
...
Dorian twined a wave of her silver hair around his finger. For a heartbeat, he allowed himself to drink her in.
She would be his wife, his queen. She was already his equal, his match, his mirror in so many ways. And with their union, the world would know it.
But he could see the bars of the cage that would creep closer, tighter, every day. And either break her wholly, or turn her into something neither of them wished her to ever be.
"You would marry me, all so we could aid Terrasen in this war?"
"Aelin is willing to die to end this conflict. Why should she bear the brunt of sacrifice?"
And there it was, her answer, though he knew she didn't realize it.
Sacrifice.
Dorian's other hand went to the buttons of her pants, and freed them with a few, deft maneuvers. Revealing the long, thick scar across her abdomen.
Would he have shown the restraint that Manon did today, had he faced her grandmother?
Absolutely not.
"You were right," she said quietly. "I am afraid." Manon laid her hand over his. "I am afraid that you will go into Morath and return as something I do not know. Something I shall have to kill."
"I know." Those same fears haunted his steps.
Her fingers tightened on his, pressing harder. As if she were trying to imprint his hand upon the heart racing beneath. "Would you stay here, if we had this alliance between us?" He heard every word left unspoken.
So Dorian brushed his mouth against hers. Manon let out a small sound.
Dorian kissed her again, and her tongue met his, hungry and searching. Then her hands were plunging into his hair, both of them rising onto their knees to meet halfway.
Manon drew her hands from him to remove the glittering crown atop her head, but he halted her with a phantom touch. "Don't," he said, voice near-guttural. "Leave it on."
Her eyes turned to molten gold, going heavy-lidded, tipping her head back.
His mouth went dry at the beauty that threatened to undo him, the temptation that his every instinct roared to claim. Not the body, but what she had offered.
He almost said yes, then.
Was almost selfish enough, greedy enough for her, that he nearly said yes. Yes, he would take her as his queen. So he might never have to say farewell to this, so that this magnificent, fierce witch might remain by his side for all his days.
Manon reached for him, fingers digging into his shoulders, and Dorian rose over her, finding her mouth in a plundering kiss.
A shift of her hips, and he was buried, the heated silk of her enough to make him forget that they had a camp around them, or kingdoms to protect.
Stay. The word echoed in each breath.
Dorian gave Manon what she wanted. Gave himself what he wanted. Over and over and over.
As if this might last forever.
What was left to be said anyway?
She'd laid out what she wanted. Had spoken as much of the truth as she dared voice.
In its wake, a sated sort of clarity shone.
Such as she had not felt in a long, long time.
His sapphire eyes lingered on her face, and Manon turned toward him. Slowly removed her crown of stars and set it aside.
Then she drew up the blankets around them both.
He didn't so much as flinch as she scooted closer, into the solid muscle of his body.
No, Dorian only draped an arm over her, and pulled her tightly against him.
Manon was still listening to his breathing when she fell asleep, warm in his arms.
She awoke at dawn to a cold bed.
Manon took one look at the empty place where the king had been, at the lack of supplies and that ancient sword, and knew.
Dorian had gone to Morath. And had taken the two Wyrdkeys with him.
#Chapter 62#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Manon Blackbeak#Dorian Havilliard#Manorian#The Witch Queen#Witchling#Princeling#no spoilers please#first read#read with me#read along#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 62 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#The news-truth-no one missing the prince?-glamours-how?-ISKRA!-oh Petrah-heavy is the head-you were already queen-I’m sorry#shooketh too dude-she’s learning-a humor shield-make my own wings-would you stay?-more important than fear-sorrow and clarity#she made an offer for love-and he didn’t take it for the same reasons-an alliance-the fight for freedom-another equal another mate#his mirror-he wouldn’t cage her-why should she bear the brunt of the sacrifice-she stayed-I am afraid of what you will become-zoyalai vibes#i know-me too-a living blade in his arms-fiercely loving-for all his days-as if forever-dammit Sarah not that again-but it grew cold#Something beautiful now in how they all fight to and them#The line-Not for her-Tired-To reach otherWhere they’d been-The queen-And her prince
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Honestly your tags are so fun to read every time, i'm almost more excited for them than the actual post (but not entirely because your art is SO GOOD!!!! i adore it). If you don't mind me asking, what are you studying?
i am studying psychology because i refuse to see a therapist so ill figure out whats wrong with me myself !!!!!!!
#snap chats#WITH. a minor in human resources ☝️ because im evil or something#and whatever character/s i decide to fixate on for the next three years i will also psychoanalyze them I Guess. //loud coughing//#tbh i only saw a therapist to get medicine but since bloodwork is expensive without insurance i dont even do that anymore. sad !#but yeah im a certified rambler if i dont share every thought i have so people understand me as much as i want them to ill die#which is why charles xavier if youre out there you have full rights to my brain .......... //gross wink sound//#why cant telepaths be real itd make my life so much easier. i woudnt have to talk a mile a minute anymore#because i do talk very fast because growing up my mom would cut me off a lot#so now i talk fast in fear of being cut off without all my thoughts being heard. anyways.#thank you for also enjoying my art :] a sideshow to the glory that is my tags i KNOWWW but im glad my efforts are not unnoticed 😌#back to My Major tho when i was in middle school i thought i wanted to go into comic books#but then i thought id lose my love for drawing if i did it professionally so now i do it. semi professionally#on my own terms babyyyy thats right. and if im lucky i get paid to draw my faves im living the dream babes#thats why my text posts take nine years for me to type im legitimately sitting here thinking if i said everything i wanted#and if i worded it right but even then after it's up im like 'but did i word it right tho' but its like 'bro just fucking POST IT'#'ITS NOT THAT DEEP' its as my favorite professor once told me 'youre very paranoid' and he's right !!!! im very paranoid 🥰#ok im done now. see thats why i say Ok Im Done Now its a sign im forcing myself to shut UP#wait not done Almost but not quite i was rewatching 97 to Try to get caps of charles in his combat uniform#and i fear i still cackle at erik telling charles to shut up like PLEAAASSE...... i need that bit CLIPPED#it makes me giggle ... someone remind me to clip all of erik's cameos in the squirrelgirl podcast btw#ive been meaning to do that for weeks but. oops <3 i need all my grandpa's moments CATALOGUED and AT THE READY..#ok i done fr now i have class with my you're-paranoid professor in like an hour and i wanna get some work done before then#BYYYYYEEEE. FOR LIKE TWENTY MINUTES PROBABLY IDK
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#I say no! Because it's clearly against his wishes and I am a strong advocate of children's rights.#He should have been able to decide for himself whom to live with and I would've hoped the enlightened future world of the Federation#would have recognized that :(#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#And now I'm wondering what everyone else thinks so! Poll time!#As I'm writing these tags after rewatching the episode I realize the decision may have been due to political stability reasons#(i.e. trying not to antagonize the Cardassians; a smart move at this point in the overarching story)#or even (as Sisko mentions to Pa'Dar toward the end) trying to encourage the Cardassians to take care of the actual orphans on Bajor too#but in that case I wish it'd have been made more clear in the episode#& the point would still stand: are either of those reasons sufficient justification for taking Rugal away from his family against his will?#Starky's Original Posts#polls#posts where you can really tell OP lived in constant fear of being either sent or taken away from their parents as a child#and it's getting in the way of enjoying what's truly important (garashir). sad!
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You talked a little while ago about why you don't think Shidou would make a good father to Amane (agreed) and proposed the idea of Mahiru adopting Amane. That's cute but I want to tell you about my post-MILGRAM headcanon:
Amane joins the Kajiyamas
Not Fuuta specifically adopting her, but like him taking her back to his family's house. I'm sure they'd have a spare room
I think people don't think about Fuuta's homelife much, or if they do they take Fuuta's one interrogation question where he calls his dad an old fogey and assume its like, abusive
And don't get me wrong, I don't think the Kajiyama household are perfect. Fuuta' beautician sister surely hasn't helped when it comes to Fuuta's body image issues and I'm betting they're all a bunch of tsunderes too embarrassed to say they love each other
But in a series where most of the abused characters are still convinced their abuser loved them/acted out of love. Seeing a guy not be afraid to call his dad a loser is almost a green flag
I think it'd be good for Amane to not necessarily be adopted as the lone child to a single parent but get to be introduced to a very different style of family unit from her own One where its normal to express different opinions or disagreements or even have arguments and not have it be the end of the world
Amane already has a snarky side to her, I bet it'd flourish in a brash household like the Kajiyama's (or at least how I imagine them to be)
OOHHH wait I love that so much! >:O
I agree -- I never interpreted Fuuta's family as abusive or harmful, just not super close and struggling a bit after his mother left. (And yeah, all as openly emotional as him😭) They seem stable and very capable to taking in a extra, very well-behaved child. Assuming Fuuta is the way he is because of them, that atmosphere of being very honest and forward would work well for her. They say things as they are, little by little pointing out the harmful parts of her worldview. Like you said, none of them make excuses about harmful behavior stemming from love, so she'd get a really healthy dose of truth in that area. She never feels coddled or treated like a baby. They care for her while treating her very maturely.
I absolutely love how well she and Fuuta get along, with that snarky side to her that you mentioned. It would allow her to fit in well in the new household, getting the sense of belonging she'll lose after leaving the cult. Also, seeing how Fuuta and his sister let things slip and aren't perfect sons/daughters, she'll be able to relax about earning a parent's love through perfect behavior. She'll probably stay exactly the same, but her stress about it will fade <3
I doubt Fuuta's father can ever replace the hole she'll have from her own father, but the addition of an older sister will be huge. Amane will never get the feeling her mother is being replaced, but the woman will still fill the gap of the older, same-gender role model she needs. Her beautician job may throw Amane at first (being an indulgence in vanity), but it isn't as in-your-face as other careers. I think she could definitely ease Amane into accepting it, and over time, accepting her own personal "indulgence."
Plus, her moving in would also be really good for Fuuta! I think he'd recognize there's a ton of fun things she missed out on, and that heroic side of him outweighs the part that cringes: he gripes and groans about going to "kid places," but he's always the one to announce "I can't believe you've never been to __, we're going right now!!" This allows him to touch grass leave the house and experience his own life to the fullest. He's able to channel his desire to help society into a healthier outlet. Also, seeing her studying habits and plans for the future might even inspire him to do the same. (might.) He becomes the stereotypical good big brother, though of course he denies it viciously...
I have recently been going insane over their friendship so I'm completely taken with this idea OUGH thank you for telling me ;-----;
#milgram#amane momose#fuuta kajiyama#i am going to think about this nonstop now 😭✨#ive literally been thinking of how much i love their sibling relationship but didnt consider them becoming Actual siblings ;---;#my heart...#the way i interpret the family theyd be able to give her a good mix of treating her like an adult and still giving her the 'childish' care#that she missed out on#and that honesty would just be really healthy for her#she learns not to fear punishment because if someone has a problem with her theyll just say it and move on#she is also a very straightforward person so shed communicate well with all of them#and yeah... i never realized how good an older sister would be for her but thats perfect#also i dont think fuuta is that fucked up lol but it sounds like he has no commitment to school/his future#so once he realizes he wants to help amane and be there for her he really buckles down on everything#if anyone can Fix Him amane can asdfsdfs#now im picturing all the adults scrambling to prepare themselves and trying to figure out if they're in a state to take on a new child#the time comes to leave milgram and they plan this whole speech to ask amane who she'd feel most comfortable living with and all this stuff#then they spot her walking away with fuuta while hes actively trying to get her to stop following him 💀💀💀#ask#rose posts
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decided to play the heirs of fate dlc this weekend (ive been meaning to for awhile; admittedly my knowledge of it all comes from browsing the wiki, and i really wanted to experience the anankos characterization for myself). this isn't even the part i was excited to get to BUT I AM REELING OVER IT..........FOR REASONS I WILL DISCLOSE IN THE TAGS (from part iv: light's sacrifice)
#during shigure's explanation about why there's gaps in the kids' memories my brain IMMEDIATELY flipped to krad's post about whether --#gunter actually remembers how much he loved his family/is the revenge really for them or is it more so for his own satisfaction --#and like. OH MY GOD. IS IT NOT SO UTTERLY CRUEL THAT PERHAPS THE TRANSITION OF HIS REVENGE BEING FOR THEM ---> BEING SO FOR HIM WAS IN --#FACT BY ANANKOS' DESIGN ALL ALONG RATHER THAN JUST AN UNFORTUNATE SIDE EFFECT OF THE POSSESSION..........#gunter honey you may have been more under his thrall than you realized#this would totally align with how he's only able to tell corrin about his family once he's free from the possession. cuz anankos is no --#longer deliberately stealing his memories to make him more willing to act on his behalf.......ough........#of course i still think gunter purposefully indulged in that power from anankos.......latching onto it as an opportunity to exact his --#revenge without really being aware of all the consequences that would coincidence along with that#and of course this is just a lil tidbit for my own self insert lore but if anankos stealing memories is a thing he purposefully does to --#make his victims more malleable that would explain why he would not remember his time in askr or leigh upon returning to the world of --#revelation :''''') and perhaps it would slowly come back to him post game#teehee. having many thoughts. brain exploding. typical behaviour.#once again fates storytelling is fucking exceptional like is it not brilliant that the degenerating dragon who has lived among his people -#far longer than one likely should. and has been scorn by those ppl he so loved as now their memories of him are only full of fear and --#hatred. ends up stealing people's memories to make them more useful in his plan to destroy the world. much like how his own memories have -#been lost to time. and he is a victim to time just like anybody else. OUGH AAAAA MY HEART MY BRAIN IM SO SAD ABOUT FATES AGAIN.#anyways i still gotta play part 5 of the dlc but im saving that for either tonight or tmrw
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today feels like an excellent day to embarrass myself and make bad desicions that i will definitely regret, so i will text my crush that i haven’t talked to for months, and has also told me that he is not romantically interested in me, and tell him all the ways he is lovely and gorgeous
#crying#crush#shooting my shot#he is so sweet and i’m just a scrawny crusty withered soggy witch#i love him sm💕💕💕💐💐#girlblogging#i can have a little delulu. as a treat#ok but its been like a whole year since he said he doesn’t have a crush on me and last year i also didn’t have a crush on him#and hhere i am now crushing on him. things change ok and im not quite as sad and ugly as i was a year ago#pLUS‼️‼️ i always catch him doing these rlly nervous movements around me like accidentally glancing at me the same moment i glance at him#and we accidentally make eye contanc for 0.00001 seconds and he turns his head in the other direction SO FAST#it’s one of my favorite things about him cuz he gets so shy when we near eachother and starts rapidly looking at anything that isn’t me lol#so what i’m saying is MAYBE I HAVE HALF A CHANCE NOW??!!!?!???!???!!??!?#i guess i will update if it goes well?!?!?!?!?!?!#severely touch starved and desperate for human intimacy posting#but what do i do if he rejects me????? what will i do then???? just live in shame of my delusional confidence???#BUT WHAT IF HE LIKES ME BACK????!!!! WHAT THEN?????!!?? THEN I HAVE TO MAINTAIN A RELATIONSHIP AND FACE THE FACT PEOPLE CAN SEE ME#lgbtq#bi#biromantic#ace#asexual#unrequited love#situationships#i long i yearn i crave yet i don’t dare text or sit near him or look at him for fear of being perceived#bitch got me listening to mistki laufey and pink pantheress
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#this made me cry and smile and equal measure#i just happened to watch step up: all in last night#and seeing twitch made me feel the way it always does now#a bittersweet mix of joy and sadness#so seeing these words from ryan tonight about letting go of fears and insecurities and just living in joy#and that moving with joy is his tribute to a lost friend#well it got me all in my feels#anyway i think this is really beautiful#and while i try not to speak on people's personal lives#it is abundantly clear how much happier and more centered ryan is since the split#and that makes me happy for him#ryan guzman#911 cast#rg ig post
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"Never apologize for putting stupid in its place."
- t.
#my sister-in-law tracey said this to me in a message last night in regards to me snapping on my dad at her and her husband's#football watch party friday night#i posted about how i didnt feel sorry for it but i did feel sorry that it may have made shit weird for everyone else#her and my brother messaged me separately to not only tell me it was okay but to say they were glad i said something and they#were very happy i had come over and they hoped i had had a good time otherwise 😭#i very rarely snap at my dad - and when i do it's more passive and never in public - so this was different for me#but i'm beyond done allowing him to say whatever offensive shit he wants#be it transphobic or racist or just shit-talking my mom (one of the worst of his many offenses)#i don't think i even said much but the fact that i said anything at all instead of A. ignoring him or B. leaving the situation myself was#apparently very welcome and THIS is one of the many reasons jim (my brother) and tracey (his wife) are some of my favorite family members#maison speaks#note: i have spent my life afraid of my dad and that hasn't changed much even in my 30s but my patience is so goddamn thin when it#comes to bullshit and like.. i dont live with him. i don't depend on him at all. sometimes he gives me money and i appreciate it#but it's not like.. a necessity#so what's he gonna do?? the only power dude has over me still is the remaining fear and panic#but i'm backed up by people now#so#everything will be okay#probably lmao
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Last night playing bg3 with my brother, he had Gale like, DIE die in some lava instead of spatula-ing him off the floor in a panic before he's done death saving throws, and I'd never seen what happens before, because I protect my wizard.
Have to say bg3 is not just the game of the year but maybe one of the games of all time.
#when he's on 1 hp and wailing that he CAN'T die I have now taken to heart that he means 'I am about to be so annoying about this'#which is double incentive to continue never allowing him to die#bg3#bg3 spoilers#my brother re-rolled him as a cleric of mystra and then never uses him to heal anyone#my brother also is allergic to long rests and i'm like doubled over wheezing with all the wine I've been looting#begging him to let us rest if not for the spellslots than for my encumberance#it's amazing learning how other people play#I mean he's a much better player than me but I live in constant fear :P#I think he just doesn't like opening boxes and doing inventory management#meanwhile I a Stardew Valley player -#(He also never sorts or tidies his ffxiv inventory)#sorry these tags are just sibling posting now
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how long have you been trapped in this hellsite
I've been here so long they've started strata dating my posts
#13? 14 years now?#I was there gandalf#I remember user pizza#I remember Hi I'm X and I'll be auditioning with song X#i remember when having a post blow up rendered your dash useless for days#I remember when 10000 note posts were barely a blip and everyone lived in fear of cracking 100K#I remember when posts were stolen for buzzfeed listicles
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 55-56
Chapter; Highlights, Notes, Tags, etc.
The Thirteen were on edge. They hadn't yet decided where to go. And hadn't been invited to travel with the Crochans to any of their home-hearths. Even Glennis's.
None of them, however, had looked his way when they'd prowled past. None had recognized him.
Dorian had just completed another walking circuit in his little training area when Manon stalked by, silver hair flowing. He paused, no more than a wary Crochan sentinel, and watched her storm through snow and mud as if she were a blade through the world.
Manon had nearly passed his training area when she went rigid.
Slowly, she turned, nostrils flaring.
Those golden eyes swept over him, swift and cutting. Her brows twitched toward each other. Dorian only gave her a lazy grin in return.
Then she prowled toward him.
Another assessing stare. "I would have thought you'd pick a prettier form."
He frowned down at himself. "I think she's pretty enough."
Manon's mouth tightened. "I suppose this means you're about to go to Morath."
"Did I say anything of the sort?" He didn't bother sounding pleasant.
Manon took a step toward him, her teeth flashing. In this body, he stood shorter than her. He hated the thrill that shot through his blood as she leaned down to growl at him. "We have enough to deal with today, princeling."
"Do l look as if I'm standing in your way?" She opened her mouth, then shut it.
Dorian let out a low laugh and made to turn away. An iron-tipped hand gripped his arm.
Strange, for that hand to feel large on his body. Large, and not the slender, deadly thing he'd become accustomed to.
Her golden eyes blazed. "If you want a softhearted woman who will weep over hard choices and ultimately balk from them, then you're in the wrong bed."
"I'm not in anyone's bed right now." He hadn't gone to her tent any of these nights. Not since that conversation in Eyllwe.
She took the retort without so much as a flinch. "Your opinion doesn't matter to me."
"Then why are you standing here?"
Again, she opened and closed her mouth. Then snarled, "Change out of that form." Dorian smiled again. "Don't you have better things to do right now, Your Majesty?" He honestly thought she might unsheathe those iron teeth and rip out his throat.
Half of him wanted her to try. He even went so far as to run one of those phantom hands along her jaw.
"You think I don't know why you don't want me to go to Morath?"
"Tell me to stay," he said, and the words had no warmth, no kindness. "Tell me to stay with you, if that's what you want." His invisible fingers grew talons and scraped over her skin. Manon's throat bobbed. "But you won't say that, will you, Manon?" Her breathing turned jagged. He continued to stroke her neck, her jaw, her throat, caressing skin he'd tasted over and over. "Do you know why?"
"Because while you might be older, might be deadly in a thousand different ways, deep down, you're afraid. You don't know how to ask me to stay, because you're afraid of admitting to yourself that you want it. You're afraid. Of yourself more than anyone else in the world. You're afraid." For several heartbeats, she just stared at him.
Then she snarled, "You don't know what you're talking about," and stalked away.
His low laugh ripped after her. Her spine stiffened. But Manon did not turn back.
Afraid. Of admitting that she felt any sort of attachment.
It was preposterous.
And it was, perhaps, true.
But it was not her problem. Not right now.
Manon stormed through the readying camp where tents were being taken down and folded, hearths being packed. The Thirteen were with the wyverns, supplies stowed in saddlebags.
Some of the Crochans had frowned her way. Not with anger, but something like disappointment.
Discontent. As if they thought parting ways was a poor idea.
Manon refrained from saying she agreed.
Even if the Thirteen followed, the Crochans would find a way to lose them. Use their power to bind the wyverns long enough to disappear.
And she would not lower herself, lower the Thirteen, to become dogs chasing after their masters. They might be desperate for aid, might have promised it to their allies, but she would not debase herself any further.
Manon halted at Glennis's camp, the only hearth with a fire still burning. A fire that would always remain kindled.
A reminder of the promise she'd made to honor the Queen of Terrasen. A single, solitary flame against the cold.
Manon rubbed at her face as she slumped onto one of the rocks lining the hearth. A hand rested on her shoulder, warm and slight. She didn't bother to slap it away.
Glennis said, "We're departing in a few minutes. I thought l'd say good-bye."
Manon peered up at the ancient witch. "Fly well." It was really all there was left to say.
Manon's failure was not due to Glennis, not due to anyone but herself, she supposed.
You're afraid.
It was true. She had tried, but not really tried to win the Crochans. To let them see any part of her that meant something. To let them see what it had done to her, to learn she had a sister and that she had killed her. She didn't know how, and had never bothered to learn.
You're afraid.
Yes, she was. Of everything.
Glennis lowered her hand from Manon's shoulder.
"May your path carry you safely through war and back home at last."
She didn't feel like telling the crone there was no home for her, or the Thirteen.
Glennis turned her face toward the sky, sighing once. Then her white brows narrowed. Her nostrils flared. Manon leapt to her feet.
"Run," Glennis breathed. "Run now."
Manon drew Wind-Cleaver and did no such thing. "What is it?"
"They're here." How Glennis had scented them on the wind, Manon didn't care.
Not as three wyverns broke from the clouds, spearing for their camp.
She knew those wyverns, almost as well as she knew the three riders who sent the Crochans into a frenzy of motion.
The Matrons of the Ironteeth Witch-Clans had found them. And come to finish what Manon had started that day in Morath.
The three High Witches had come alone.
Rushing steps crunched through the icy snow, halting at Manon's side just as Dorian's scent wrapped around her. "Is that—"
"Yes," she said quietly, heart thundering as the Matrons dismounted and did not raise their hands in request for parley. No, they only stalked closer to the hearth, to the precious flame still burning. "Don't engage," Manon warned him and the others, and strode to meet them.
It was not the king's battle, no matter what power dwelled in his veins.
Glennis was already armed, an ancient sword in her withered hands. The woman was as old as the Yellowlegs Matron, yet she stood tall, facing the three High Witches.
Cresseida Blueblood spoke first, her eyes as cold as the iron-spiked crown digging into her freckled brow. "It has been an age, Glennis." But Glennis's stare, Manon realized, was not on the Blueblood Matron. Or even on Manon's own grandmother, her black robes billowing as she sneered at Manon.
It was on the Yellowlegs Matron, hunched and hateful between them. On the crown of stars atop the crone's thinned white hair.
Glennis's sword shook slightly. And just as Manon realized what the Matron had worn here,
Bronwen appeared at Glennis's side and breathed, "Rhiannon's crown."
Worn by the Yellowlegs Matron to mock these witches. To spit on them.
A dull roaring began in Manon's ears.
"What company you keep these days, granddaughter," said Manon's grandmother, her silver-streaked dark hair braided back from her face. A sign enough of their intentions, if her grandmother's hair was in that plait. Battle. Annihilation.
The weight of the three High Witches' attention pressed upon her. The Crochans gathered behind her shifted as they waited for her response.
Yet it was Glennis who snarled, in a voice Manon had not yet heard, "What is it that you want?"
Manon's grandmother smiled, revealing rust-flecked iron teeth. The true sign of her age. "You made a grave error, Manon Kin-Slayer, when you sought to turn our forces against us. When you sowed such lies amongst our sentinels regarding our plans— my plans."
Manon kept her chin high. "I spoke only truth. And it must have frightened you enough that you gathered these two to hunt me down and prove your innocence in scheming against them."
The other two Matrons didn't so much as blink. Her grandmother's claws had to have sunk deep, then. Or they simply did not care.
"We came," Cresseida seethed, the opposite in so many ways of the daughter who had given Manon the chance to speak, "to at last rid us of a thorn in our sides."
Had Petrah been punished for letting Manon walk out of the Omega alive? Did the Blueblood Heir still breathe? Cresseida had once screamed in a mother's terror and pain when Petrah had nearly plunged to her death.
Did that love, so foreign and strange, still hold true? Or had duty and ancient hatred won out?
The thought was enough to steel Manon's spine. "You came because we pose a threat."
Because of the threat you pose to that monster you call grandmother.
"You came," Manon went on, Wind-Cleaver rising a fraction, "because you are afraid."
Manon took a step beyond Glennis, her sword lifting farther.
"You came," Manon said, "because you have no true power beyond what we give you.
And you are scared to death that we're about to take it away." Manon flipped Wind-Cleaver in her hand, angling the sword downward, and drew a line in the snow between them. "You came alone for that fear. That others might see what we are capable of. The truth that you have always sought to hide."
Her grandmother tutted. "Listen to you. Sounding just like a Crochan with that preachy nonsense."
Manon ignored her. Ignored her and pointed Wind-Cleaver directly at the Yellowlegs Matron as she snarled, "That is not your crown."
Something like hesitation rippled over Cresseida Blueblood's face. But the Yellowlegs Matron beckoned to Manon with iron nails so long they curved downward. "Then come and fetch it from me, traitor."
Manon stepped beyond the line she'd drawn in the snow.
No one spoke behind her. She wondered if any of them were breathing.
She had not won against her grandmother. Had barely survived, and only thanks to luck. That fight, she had been ready to meet her end. To say farewell.
Manon angled Wind-Cleaver upward, her heart a steady, raging beat.
She would not greet the Darkness's embrace today. But they would.
"This seems familiar," her grandmother drawled, legs shifting into attacking position.
The other two Matrons did the same. "The last Crochan Queen. Holding the line against us." Manon cracked her jaw, and iron teeth descended. A flex of her fingers had her iron nails unsheathing. "Not just a Crochan Queen this time."
There was doubt in Cresseida's blue eyes.
As if she'd realized what the other two Matrons had not.
There—it was there that Manon would strike first. The one who now wondered if they had somehow made a grave mistake in coming here.
A mistake that would cost them what they had come to protect.
A mistake that would cost them this war.
And their lives.
For Cresseida saw the steadiness of Manon's breathing. Saw the clear conviction in her eyes. Saw the lack of fear in her heart as Manon advanced another step.
Manon smiled at the Blueblood Matron as if to say yes.
"You did not kill me then," Manon said to her grandmother. "I do not think you will be able to now."
"We'll see about that," her grandmother hissed, and charged.
Manon was ready.
An upward swing of Wind-Cleaver met her grandmother's first two blows, and Manon ducked the third. Turning right into the onslaught of the Yellowlegs Matron, who swept up with unnatural speed, feet almost flying over the snow, and slashed for Manon's exposed back.
Manon deflected the crone's assault, sending the witch darting back. Just as Cresseida launched herself at Manon. Cresseida was not a trained fighter. Not as the Blackbeak and Yellowlegs Matrons were. Too many years spent reading entrails and scanning the stars for the answers to the Three-Faced Goddess's riddles.
A duck to the left had Manon easily evading the sweep of Cresseida's nails, and a countermove had Manon driving her elbow into the Blueblood Matron's nose.
Cresseida stumbled. The Yellowlegs Matron and her grandmother attacked again. So fast. Their three assaults had happened in the span of a few blinks. Manon kept her feet under her. Saw where one Matron moved and the other left a dangerous gap exposed.
She was not a broken-spirited Wing Leader unsure of her place in the world.
She was not ashamed of the truth before her.
She was not afraid.
Manon's grandmother led the attack, her maneuvers the deadliest. It was from her that the first slice of pain appeared. A rip of iron nails through Manon's shoulder. But Manon swung her sword, again and again, iron on steel ringing out across the icy peaks.
No, she was not afraid at all.
Around him, the Crochans thrummed with fear and dread. Either for the fight unfolding or the three Matrons who had found them.
But Glennis did not tremble. At her side Bronwen hummed with the energy of one eager to leap into the fight.
Manon and the High Witches sprang apart, breathing heavily. Blue blood leaked down Manon's shoulder, and small slices peppered the three Matrons.
Manon still remained on the far side of the line she'd drawn. Still held it.
The dark-haired witch in voluminous black robes spat blue blood onto the snow. Manon's grandmother. "Pathetic. As pathetic as your mother." A sneer toward Glennis. "And your father."
The snarl that ripped from Manon's throat rang across the mountains themselves.
Her grandmother let out a crow's caw of a laugh. "Is that all you can do, then? Snarl like a dog and swing your sword like some human filth? We will wear you down eventually. Better to kneel now and die with some honor intact." Manon only flung out an iron-tipped hand behind her, fingers splaying in demand as her eyes remained fixed on the Matrons.
Dorian reached for Damaris, but Bronwen moved first.
The Crochan tossed her sword, steel flashing over snow and sun.
Manon's fingers closed on the hilt, the blade singing as she whipped it around to face the High Witches again. "Rhiannon Crochan held the gates for three days and three nights, and she did not kneel before you, even at the end." A slash of a smile. "I think I shall do the same." Dorian could have sworn the sacred flame burning to their left flared brighter. Could have sworn Glennis sucked in a breath. That every Crochan watching did the same.
Manon's knees bent, swords rising. "Let us finish what was started then, too." She attacked, blades flashing.
Her grandmother conceded step after step, the other two Matrons failing to break past her defenses.
Gone was the witch who had slept and wished for death. Gone was the witch who had raged at the truth that had torn her to shreds.
And in her place, fighting as if she were the very wind, unfaltering against the Matrons, stood someone Dorian had not yet met.
Stood a queen of two peoples.
Yielding only those few steps, and nothing more.
Because Manon with conviction in her heart, with utter fearlessness in her eyes, was wholly unstoppable.
The other two witches had fallen back, as if waiting to see what might happen.
But she yielded no further ground. A wall against which the Yellowlegs Matron could not advance. The crone let out a snarl, attacking again and again, senseless and raging.
Dorian saw the trap the moment it happened.
No one seemed to breathe at all as Manon plunged Bronwen's sword into the icy earth beneath and bent to take the crown of stars from the Yellowlegs witch's fallen head.
He had never seen a crown like it.
A living, glowing thing that glittered in her hand. As if nine stars had been plucked from the heavens and set to shine along the simple silver band.
The crown's light danced over Manon's face as she lifted it above her head and set it upon her unbound white hair.
Even the mountain wind stopped.
Yet a phantom breeze shifted the strands of Manon's hair as the crown glowed bright, the white stars shining with cores of cobalt and ruby and amethyst.
As if it had been asleep for a long, long time. And now awoke.
That phantom wind pulled Manon's hair to the side, silver strands brushing across her face.
And beside him, around him, the Thirteen touched two fingers to their brow in deference.
In allegiance to the queen who stared down the two remaining High Witches.
The Crochan Queen, crowned anew.
The sacred fire leaped and danced, as if in joyous welcome.
"Go."
The Blueblood witch blinked, eyes wide with what could only be fear and dread.
Manon jerked her chin toward the wyvern waiting behind the witch. "Tell your daughter all debts between us are paid. And she may decide what to do with you. Take that other wyvern out of here."
Spared by the Crochan Queen on behalf of the daughter who had given Manon the gift of speaking to the Ironteeth.
Within seconds, the Blueblood Matron was in the skies, the Yellowlegs witch's wyvern soaring beside her.
Leaving Manon's grandmother alone.
Leaving Manon with swords raised and a crown of stars glowing upon her brow.
Manon was glowing, as if the stars atop her head pulsed through her body. A wondrous and mighty beauty, like no other in the world. Like no one had ever been, or would be again.
And slowly, as if savoring each step, Manon stalked toward her grandmother.
Warm, dancing light flowed through her, as unfaltering as what had poured into her heart these past few bloody minutes.
She did not balk. Did not fear.
The crown's weight was slight, like it had been crafted of moonlight. Yet its joyous strength was a song, undimming before the sole High Witch left standing.
So Manon kept walking.
She left Bronwen's sword a few feet away.
Left Wind-Cleaver several feet past that.
Iron nails out, teeth ready, Manon paused barely five steps from her grandmother.
A hateful, wasted scrap of existence. That's what her grandmother was.
She had never realized how much shorter the Matron stood. How narrow her shoulders were, or how the years of rage and hate had withered her.
Manon's smile grew. And she could have sworn she felt two people standing at her shoulder.
She knew no one would be there if she looked. Knew no one else could see them, sense them, standing with her. Standing with their daughter against the witch who had destroyed them.
Her grandmother spat on the ground, baring her rusted teeth.
This death, though ...
It was not her death to claim.
It did not belong to the parents whose spirits lingered at her side, who might have been there all along, leading her toward this. Who had not left her, even with death separating them.
No, it did not belong to them, either.
She looked behind her. Toward the Second waiting beside Dorian.
Tears slid down Asterin's face. Of pride- pride and relief.
Manon beckoned to Asterin with an iron- tipped hand.
Manon raised a hand. "Let her go."
When there was no trace of the Matrons left but blue blood and a headless corpse staining the snow, Manon turned toward the Crochans.
Their eyes were wide, but they made no move.
The Thirteen remained where they were, Dorian with them.
Manon scooped up both swords, sheathing Wind-Cleaver across her back, and stalked toward where Glennis and Bronwen stood, monitoring her every breath.
Wordlessly, Manon handed Bronwen her sword, nodding in thanks.
Then she removed the crown of stars and extended it toward Glennis. "This belongs to you," she said, her voice low.
The Crochans murmured, shifting.
Glennis took the crown, and the stars dimmed. A small smile graced the crone's face.
"No," she said, "it does not."
Manon didn't move as Glennis lifted the crown and set it again on Manon's head.
Then the ancient witch knelt in the snow.
"What was stolen has been restored; what was lost has come home again. I hail thee, Manon Crochan, Queen of Witches."
Manon stood fast against the tremor that threatened to buckle her legs.
Stood fast as the other Crochans, Bronwen with them, dropped to a knee. Dorian, standing amongst them, smiled, brighter and freer than she'd ever seen.
And then the Thirteen knelt, two fingers going to their brows as they bowed their heads, fierce pride lighting their faces.
"Queen of Witches," Crochan and Blackbeak declared as one voice.
As one people.
#Chapter 55#Chapter 56#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Manon Blackbeak#Dorian Havilliard#Manorian#Asterin Blackbeak#The Thirteen#first read#read along#read with me#no spoilers please#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 56 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#The witches-alone-Morath-Glennis-Petrah why-don’t be poisoned-THE CROWN-her braid-their hatred & fear yet her forward#beyond what we give-is that a wyrdmark?-she would not-she would stand-not then but now becuase a cause-SHE WAS NOT AFRAID#he listened to her/believed in her-they did not tremble-they did not yield-she would not kneel-they came for her too-for them she did this#THE SWORD-uh yeah same-GONE WAS THAT WITCH-from the flame-AND HERE WAS THE LAST CROCHAN QUEEN-I love her#the wind answered-a queen of two people-convinction in her hearts fearless in her eyes and utterly unstoppable-you went for me#well Ansel said-SHE CROWNED HERSELF-matching crowns?-a phantom breeze the chill-the witch queen brow bow-that’s what she learned#they ran from her-mercy?-a debt-and one paid-true queens rising-a literal Star-not her death to claim-Asterin-manon I fucking love you#it’s yours-QUEEN OF WITCHES-Dorian smiled🥹-him watching his wife like same-he is us-short king-Iltsm#A sign enough of their intentions if her grandmother's hair was in that plait. Battle. Annihilation.—HAIR HOLDS POWER PEOPLE#Manon Kin-Slayer… a real rich name coming from her#because YOU are afraid-I kept reading peachy nonsense lol-chills-I’m gonna go cry-I love her#A blade through the world-shorter-bi bbs-the way she knows-it's a mate thing I swear-I'm not anyone's-#if you want someone who will allow that then ur wrong-shell keep him alive-double lines in the sand-your afraid-the word majesty#not back not now-a queen-a true queen against the world-afraid of everything-home?-HOLY SHIT RUN-mother matron crone#You're afraid-I will not be afraid-coward-the fear of fear-run now-hold the line-retreat and live-You’re afraid. Yes she was. Of everything#Fly Well they've run for a long time they know-but she would not-the truth time
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#i like doing 'web weaves' where its just different enstars stories#and i like going back to blackbird...everything goes back to blackbird#i couldve added more. the bit about wataru helping eichi and then eichi thinking that now that the tale is over wataru will leave him#and hes thinking about keito who was his first cowriter and friend and savior really. who dreamt with him#and wataru walks in and remarks that eichi is thinking about someone else. because eichi thinks wataru has moved on from him#but then the point of the post gets lost. i didnt want to look at keito and wataru as eichis partners in crime (coauthors)#i wanted to look at eichi writing the story without going on tangents#but i fear i have in the tags already hummm#yes i caught the thought again. eichi who is ready to write a happy ending for everyone for after he dies relearning how much he wants to#live as the story unfolds. that by the end of the story he asks keito in his head to continue being idols#well. he wants to live and hes holding onto this thought to drive away the thoughts of despair and being abandoned#i just think theyre all neat:)
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