#i live in a lil bubble where (most) of my loved ones call me by my preferred name and pronoun

[aterribleinfluence]

ive been the butt end of 2 relatively homophobic/transphobic comments from customers at work this weekend and im feeling weird about it

[frenchkisstheabyss]

🖤 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖘 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖒𝖆𝖓 🖤

🖤 Pairing: ex boyfriend!choi san x chubby!fem!reader (mingi's spoken about but doesn't appear)

🖤 Genre: angst/fluff/smut

🖤 Summary: You make a living stepping on men's necks, literally and metaphorically speaking. Men spend every dime they have for the chance to be your lapdog. You are their weakness. Your dirty little secret? You have a weakness of your own, one you've tried your hardest to leave in the past, but you've managed to make him jealous and, oh, I think he's knocking on your door right now.

🖤 Word Count: 2.3k-ish

🖤 Warnings: reader works as a dom so she does qualify as a ✨sex worker✨ & it's treated as a positive cause slay queen, jealous /possessive San, unprotected sex, fingering, nibbling, scratching, reader for sure has a lil praise kink, this man does not pull out, San's giving dom vibes & reader's quite subby for him, pet names (baby, my girl, good girl) & that's all darlings

🖤 A/N: My chubby girl smut agenda continues with this fic as it will with all others and the best part is, no one can stop me. Mwahahahaha. No, but really, I hope you lovelies enjoy reading it.

Also a big thanks to @anyamaris for test reading everything my brain throws out all of the time. Love of my life, truly.

Your night routine is sacred. Never more so than on nights like tonight when you take extra steps to make it particularly romantic for yourself. You treat yourself like a lover, running a nice warm bubble bath and preparing your favorite fruits to snack on while you soak in it. You don’t rush to cover your body afterward, instead taking the time to find pleasure in every stretch mark and every curve as you massage rich tropical oils into your skin. 

The rain is your companion, singing to you in the form of raindrops patting at your window. Candles burn on your windowsill, tiny lanterns reflecting shadows in the darkness of this place you call home. Crawling into your bed, you slip beneath your freshly washed sheets and scroll through your phone to find the right song. It doesn’t take long to find it. You hit “play” and close your eyes, ready to be swept away by the sweet notes emanating from your phone. 

This is serenity. This is heaven. This is—

“What the actual fuck?” you shout, shaken by an unexpected knock at your door. The knocking is impatient, the agitation of the person on the other end undeniable. You jump from your bed, the sheet still clinging to your figure, and cautiously approach the door. You specifically didn’t schedule any sessions for tonight and your clients know better than to pop up unannounced. 

“Whoever you are, go away! I have a gun!” You do. You have to. In your line of business being able to protect yourself is a necessity. It’d be silly not to have one and if ever there were an example why, this has to be it. The knocking stops. A brief moment of silence passes and then—

“You have a gun?” San asks, more confused than he is threatened. You don’t notice until now that you’ve been holding your breath this entire time but at the sound of his voice, you can miraculously breathe again. “San? What are you doing here?” you frown, cracking the door enough to get a good look at your ex.

The look is, in fact, good. Better than good, it’s wonderful. For all of this mysterious frustration he seems to be carrying, he still manages to be the most handsome thing you can imagine finding in your hallway near midnight. 

San pushes past you, marching into your cozy studio apartment as if it were his own. “We need to talk. Now.” You roll your eyes, holding back laughter as you close the door behind him. “Someone’s sassy tonight” you tease, watching as he removes his wet boots and coat. He places them exactly where they’re meant to go.

You smile to yourself, finding it sweet that he still remembers how things go after nearly a year apart. “Don’t patronize me.” “I’m not patronizing you,” you say, approaching him with a hand outstretched to stroke his cheek, “Sannie—” 

San takes a step back, the darkness in his eyes intensified by your attempt at affection. “And don’t call me that!” “Lower your voice! This is my home. You can respect me in it or get out.” Seeing you upset cools him down a bit. Enough to question the emotions that led him to drive over here to begin with.

He shouldn’t be here. He has no right to confront you. To care what you do or who you do it with. But it’s been eating him up inside for days, plaguing his every waking thought. Some part of him is still tethered to you and that’s why, against his better judgment, he’s here.

“Are you…” he stutters, the anger bubbling up once more at the thought of what he’s about to ask, “How long has Mingi been coming to you?” “Ah,” you gasp, fully realizing the awkwardness of the situation. Dodging eye contact, you head for the kitchen, busying yourself with the tea kettle. “You want some tea? We should have tea.”

Raking his fingers through delicate strands of pitch black hair, he approaches the kitchen and lets himself, for the most fleeting of moments, enjoy seeing you like this again. He’s missed you making him tea late at night. This would be everything he ever wanted under any other circumstance than this. “I don’t want tea. I want you to answer my question. How long?”

“A few weeks” you sigh, abandoning the kettle on the counter, “We ran into each other at the club one night and we started talking then, I mean, I don’t know, it just sorta happened.” In an instant, he’s on you, fingers squeezing your wrists as he presses you against the counter. “Things like this don’t sorta happen!” “Oh, come on, San. I have bills to pay. If I don’t take on clients, who’s gonna pay them? You?” “Haven’t I before?” Something about being reminded of before makes you as breathless as he is. “That was a long time ago.” 

A long time ago but why does it feel like yesterday when he last had your body pressed against every wall in this apartment? So many hours were spent using your fingertips to traverse every exquisite muscle on his body. There are new ones now, you see them flex when he readjusts his grip on you. How good they must feel to touch. God bless the gym.

Shaking yourself free of your lust fueled daze, you break your wrists loose from him. “If that’s all you can go.” Why are you doing this? Why are you so stubborn? You don’t want him to go. Your body—your heart—begs him to stay even if it’s just to argue for the rest of the night. 

“Fine, I’ll leave, but not until you tell me one more thing. Does he touch you? Like I did?” he asks, his expression cold as he tries to contain his jealousy. “Touch me like you did?” you giggle, reaching to stroke his cheek again. This time he doesn’t step away. He lets you touch him, your soft hand warming the cool raindrops on his cheek. A fire ignites in his eyes, not unlike the flames dancing atop the candle wicks. It’s distant, buried somewhere deep, but you see it and it makes you smile.

“I never let anyone touch me like you did” you whisper, “Mingi just wants someone to boss him around. I happen to be good at that. There’s nothing sexual. I could…” San tugs the sheet tightly around your body, gathering the two loose ends at your hip where his knuckles just barely graze the plush of your thigh. You let out a sound that’s almost a moan but not quite. He smirks, bringing his other hand to your side to massage the softness of your love handles. You're so cute when you’re flustered.

“I, uh, I…” you stutter, watching as his lips grow nearer to yours, “I could stop seeing him if you want.” “You’d do that for me?” San asks, teasing your lower lip with his. “I would do anything for you. You know that.” This is what he does to you and this is why you broke things off with him. San’s love brings you to your knees. You fold for him in a millisecond. You’re supposed to have every man in the palm of your hand yet you find yourself, delicate and fragile, nestled in his. 

“Will you do something else for me?” “Like what?” “Kiss me.” And you do. No hesitation. No time for second guesses. Anything for him. A rush hits you, threatening to knock you off of your feet. San only holds you closer, his tongue tangling with yours, indulging in the taste of you. A craving much overdue to be satisfied. 

“Do I still have to leave?” he pants, his voice a low rasp as he kisses his way down your chin. He buries his face in your neck, his kisses growing more passionate with each passing second. You smell good enough to eat and he almost does, nibbling at your neck sharply enough to send chills down your spine. You shake your head, wrapping a leg around his waist to grind against him. The simple act of kissing you has him hard enough that not even the few layers of fabric between you can suppress his need. 

“Fuck, baby” he groans, his eyes nearly rolling back from the rhythm of your hips. You run your fingers through his hair, pulling him back up for another kiss. “Don’t leave me, Sannie. Please.” You’re prepared to beg more, as much as he wants you to, but your words turn incoherent at the sensation of his thumb stroking your clit. His other fingers dance dangerously close to your entrance, happily collecting the juices dripping from your core.

You look down to find that the sheet barely clings to your body, except for a small corner stuck between you and the counter. Everything has fallen away leaving you completely exposed. San’s favorite way to have you. “You’re so wet for me. My girl” he coos, easing two fingers deep into you, “Still my girl? Hmm?” You’re trembling, gripping his shirt as you ride his fingers in time with the flicking of his wrist.

Only he could do this. Make you feel this unbelievably good with just his fingers. "Always your girl. Always—ah” you moan into his mouth before he’s kissing his way down your neck again. The way your back is arched makes your breasts sit so deliciously that he has to taste them. San needs to feel the weight of them in his hands as he captures your perked nipples between his lips, circling them with his tongue. 

His mouth is so full of you that every moan that leaves him vibrates through your chest making sure that you never once underestimate the intensity of his longing. Your thighs are soaked, your pussy dripping—pulsing—clenching around his fingers. Your little squeaks and moans are too pretty. Too addictive. San picks up speed, his only mission to make a complete mess of you or to make you make a complete mess of yourself. Either or both. Definitely both. 

“Sannie. You’re gonna make me—fuck, I’m gonna cum!” you cry, feeling the pressure build within you. “Mmm,” he hums, releasing your nipple but not without taking one last lick of your overstimulated bud. You didn’t need to tell him. You never do. He knows when you're close, down to the second, which is why his timing is perfect when he pulls his fingers away leaving you hanging on the edge of oblivion.

You whine at the unexpected loss, your clit twitching and your walls greedy for something to hold onto. San moves out of reach, taking his time to shed his clothing. “Not on my fingers, baby,” he says, flashing that devilishly handsome smile of his, “On me.” He disappears around the corner and you trail behind him like a bright eyed puppy who wants more than anything to be the object of its owner's affection.

San sits on the edge of the bed, admiring the way your body jiggles as you skip over to him. He takes you by the hand, lowering you onto his lap, and the skin to skin contact sends a shot of adrenaline coursing through both of you. “I could just look at you all night. So beautiful” he muses, palms slapping your ass. His fingers dig in, keeping your hips raised enough that the tip of his cock almost presses at your slit.

You drape your arms over his shoulders, kissing him on the bridge of his nose, “You can look at me all you want.” One of San’s hands disappears beneath you, stroking his length as he lowers you down onto him. He stops at the tip, letting your arousal run down his shaft. “All I want because you belong to me?” You bite down on your bottom lip, eager to take him. “Yes,” you mewl and he feeds you another inch. A reward for being his good girl.

“No more Mingi?”

“No more. I swear.” 

Another inch and your heart skips a beat. This is evil. “No more anyone else” he demands, taunting you with one more inch before taking it back, “I’ll take care of you, my sweet girl. Only me.” “Only you” you promise, unintentionally batting your eyelashes in the most innocent way. San grabs your hips, slamming you down onto him, “Good now cum for me.”

Being stretched by him, full of every thick rigid inch of his cock, is intoxicating enough. But the feeling of handing over control, of letting him have you completely, has you buzzing. San bounces you in his lap, kissing you everywhere his lips can access, whispering every praise he’s saved up for you over time.

Precious. Perfect. Never letting go. Love you. My everything. My world. Mine. Mine. Mine.

“Sannie—” you draw a breath in. A flash of heat hits you and you’re lost to pleasure. Your body explodes and implodes. Heavy and weightless all at once. You gush down his length, every inch of him drenched with your juices. San doesn’t stop, not even when your nails dig deep into the skin of his shoulder. He only goes faster and harder, wanting to break you, his precious girl, and put you back together then do it again. 

But his body’s as sensitive as yours and he can’t hold back, spilling into you to the point of overflow. There’s so much warmth and fullness. It’s comforting, soothing you as you gradually float back down. Lying back on the bed, San cradles you in his arms, not wanting to be anywhere else than right here with you.

You rest your head on his chest, feeling his love for you in every breath he takes. How you ever pushed him away you can’t understand but you know, as he softly kisses your forehead, that you never will again.

[bunni-v1]

(Twenty) Nine Lives for Love

Chapter 1: Goodbyes

\\Next Chapter m.list

Tw: Reader literally is dead at the start lol; A lil angsty, in a good way!

Info: Kenma x Reader (eventually lol); Platonic Tanaka and Noya x Reader; Soulmate AU

Word count: 5k

🍓It's my spin on a soulmate AU! I apologize if the beginning is tedious, it's necessary to understand the AU though! Love you all! Eat up!

The first thing you notice when waking up is the sound of water. It’s a steady, gentle sound you could easily miss if you weren’t looking for it. The second thing is that you feel the soft tickling of just too long grass on your exposed skin, the light breeze caressing your face kindly. It was all so calming. So relaxing. It could put you right back to sleep… only, you knew in the back of your mind you did not fall asleep outside, and it was most definitely still winter where you lived.

The panic kicked in all at once, and you were shooting up from your spot without a second thought, groaning as the world around you spun painfully. You gripped your head, rubbing at your temples to ease the pain you’d caused in your panic. Taking a few deep breaths, you finally opened your eyes. The sun above was bright enough that it stung to look around. The breeze tossed your hair around, almost playful. Ahead of you, just as expected, was a river flowing steady and strong. 

Relief kicked in as you recalled exactly where you were. Textbooks called this place “The In-between,” a simple way of saying the place between life and death. Your transfer from your last life to your next. You were quite familiar with the concept. How many lives have you been through now? Twenty-five? Or was it closer to Thirty? They begin to blend together after so long.

You spent your most recent gamble at life trying to study this damn place – you were achieved too! Plenty of awards for your research. Books, journals, experiments, interviews, and so on. Fifty long years of passion and drive, you would say it was a good life you’d lived. It meant nothing in the long run, though, your research was thrown out as more and more of the public decided this place was just a fairytale. Too romantic to be true. 

A place between life and death meant to guide you to your soulmate – the person your eternity was destined to? No one had ever seen it and lived to tell the tale. Ironic isn’t it? Your research found that the average person only caught glimpses through “deja vu”, though there were a few rare cases where others could see their past lives. By and large, it was usually little glimpses, which obviously would cause doubt in the average person. Nothing was provable, truly, which is why people stopped taking you seriously as technology advanced. 

Disappointing, but you couldn’t blame the public. It was ridiculous sounding, not to mention overly confusing, and most of all horrifying to think about. But here you were. In it. If you were alive (which was obviously not possible) you would be cackling at the idiots who threw your life's work out the window.

You looked around again, trying to take in as much detail as possible. It was important, after all. Any little thing could be a hint to who your eternity was. Standing, you brushed yourself off before making your way down to the ever-sturdy river that had been flowing since this place showed up. Since you showed up. You crouched over the side of it, reaching down to let it flow between your fingers.

“Hi,” you said, and it bubbled in response. You laughed, removing your hand and wiping it off on your leg draping it over your other knee, “Are you going to help me out, or should I just wander around until something hits me in the face.”

The river splashed up at your bare feet, scolding you for your sass. You chuckle at it, splashing it back with a swift smack.

“I know, I know,” you sigh, standing up again, “I’ll take a little walk, that usually works.”

You walk close to the riverbed, making idle chatter with the mysterious entity meant to reflect your inner self. Its responses only came in rushes and bubbles, but you understood it all the same. Along your walk you come across several animals of varying types, peculiar, as you’d never really had other living things here – other than the river, which you weren’t sure could be declared as a ‘living’ thing. Still, it was a welcome change, making the place feel less lonely. Each animal was particularly drawn to you, rubbing their little bodies excitedly against your legs. You made sure to give each of them as much attention as they’d allow, delighting in the attention they gave you.

There was one odd little creature, though.

It was a little calico cat, body lithe and eyes sharp as it watched you from a distance on the stump of a long-gone tree. It had a strange pattern of yellow and black on the top of its head that almost looked like hair. It hadn’t approached you, but it seemed to… watch. Not in the way an animal would, but the way a conscious being might. Like it was considering you as a fellow intelligent lifeform. 

It shouldn’t have been possible, of course. Everyone had one ‘guide’, yours had always been the river. This cat was an outlier in the statistics, which made the scientist of your past life buzz in excitement. A new set of data to analyze, what does this mean? How could this affect your previous research?

You shook your head. Truly, deeply, within your very core, all you wanted to do was to pet its cute little head. The logic and statistics didn’t matter to you, because the you – the next you, or the person you were going to become; the person you are – just wanted to cuddle up to the little thing.

A splash of water at your feet caught your attention, and you turned a glare at your old friend. In return, it gave you a series of urging rushes.

“What?” It did the same thing, stubbornly, “Do you want me to go… talk to it?”

It slowed all at once, a sign of affirmation, and you sighed. You turned on your heels and made your way across the grassy field, heading for the cat straight on. It stared at you, blinking in a way that was far too human, before hopping off of its perch and trotting down a dirt path just a few feet next to its wooden seating. You groaned, not wanting to chase after this cat's affections, but it paused at the sound of your voice. It looked back expectantly, tail curling up happily in the air. You couldn’t say no to such a happy little kitty, could you?

No, of course not. So you followed it, grumbling as dirt caked your wet feet, but the cat did not seem to care. It only looked back occasionally to ensure you were still following it. At some point, the pretty open fields turned into walls of city buildings, and the gentle rush of your river friend became the sounds of city life. The sun began setting, its rays casting shadows of towering buildings across the sidewalks. Eerie, how such an empty place felt so full of life.

It was… odd. A complete and total shake of what you knew to be true. You never heard about such extreme physical changes in the In-between. Consistency, consistency, consistency. That was the way of the universe that you had studied. To change so dramatically so… suddenly… You didn’t have much time to dwell on it, as the little kitty turned into a rather well-off neighborhood, its pace picking up rapidly.

You couldn’t take anything in, too busy running after the suddenly very athletic cat. It passed several large buildings before hopping over the gate of a compact little home. You sighed, slowing your pace a bit as its beady little eyes peered at you through the bars of a gate.

“You are a pain, you know that little kitty,” you complain.

The cat just tilts its head, and walks toward the front of the house, looking back expectantly. You give a final sigh and push open the gate with little to no resistance. Then, the front door of the house. You feel like an intruder, despite knowing there is no one around here other than you and the little kitty. Who has not stopped its pursuit, expertly moving through the house until it hops into a room, which you quickly realize is someone’s bedroom as you step in.

The cat hops up on the bed and has the nerve to meow at you. You glare at it, approaching to give it a few harsh pets from its head to its tail. That’ll teach it! You're successful in your lesson, as it lazily flops onto its side and bats at your hands. You settle down next to it, laughing as it harmlessly bites at your fingers.

“You sure are pretty, though,” you coo absentmindedly, and it gives a meow in response.

You’re sure to give the kitty plenty of loving and attention, a reward for your efforts before you make the executive decision to take in the room around you. It must be important if this is where the cat wants you to be. It better be, the ache in your legs insists.

The room was compact, only made worse by the fact that there were so many things in it. A bed, of course, but this person had a full gaming PC set up on their desk. It wasn’t cheap either – at least… it didn’t look it. You didn’t know much about games and the like, but you could tell what a nice piece of technology looked like. On the other side of the room, in front of the bed, was a medium-sized TV with an assortment of gaming consoles. Most of which were either Sony or Nintendo and new-ish. The controllers were well-loved, joysticks worn smooth from years of use.

A bump from your side catches your attention, and you look to see the kitty rubbing its side against a shelf. You walk over, scooping the cat up in your arms, chuckling as it goes limp in your cradle. The shelf itself was full, absolutely full, of video games and collectible figures of what you could only assume were characters from these games. On the top shelf were several different textbooks: English, Science, Math, and one on Volleyball techniques. 

You move to set the cat down to get a better look at some of the shelves, bumping a rather beat-up volleyball in the process you hadn’t noticed before. The cat nudges it toward you, tail flicking around in… delight, you think. So, you crouch and pick it up, turning it in your hands. It’s got several chunks taken out of it, and it’s covered in dirt, but you can just barely make out the initials written in black Sharpie. ‘K.K.’ it read. The cat presses itself into your leg, and you give it a good ruffle on the top of its head.

“Are these… hints?” you gamble, asking the cat.

It gives you a meow, purring out its affirmative response. You give it a little scratch on the bottom of his chin as thanks. In return, it bites at your fingers lovingly, licking after itself to soothe the spot. As the cat loves on you, you think long and hard about everything that happened to you in such a short amount of time. In the many lives you’ve lived, the many times you’ve been here, none of this has ever happened before… it’s an entirely undocumented phenomenon. The little thread of hope in your stomach strums an excited song. Maybe, just maybe, this is a sign that this life – this time, you’ll get it right.

The sun settles itself below the horizon, bathing the room in darkness. You let out a sigh, rubbing the cat’s head for good luck.

“Let's hope this is the one, right little guy?” The cat meows, golden eyes watching you in the dark.

You can only hope that the universe isn’t playing tricks on you.

.·:*˚¨¨ ≈★≈ ¨¨˚*:·.

You sit on the floor of your room – what used to be your room, at least – flipping through the pages of a textbook you’d snuck from the boxes of your mother's old stuff. Written in the early seventies by some Professor of the Sciences in the UK, it details the concepts of soulmates. While most of their work was regarded as illogical and ridiculous, your mother had kept all of their textbooks from when she was in college – ever the hopeless romantic she was. Since discovering them in the basement while moving, skimming through the books, and reading all the evidence compiled in favor of the existence of soulmates has become your favorite pastime.

It was silly for someone your age to be considering the idea of ‘soulmates’, most people abandon the thought in middle school, but not you. You had to believe in soulmates. If you didn’t, your mom leaving wouldn’t make any sense. Nothing in your life would make sense. (A bit dramatic, but at 17 years old, everything feels that big).

You sigh, thumbing the edge of a page that your mother had written in. A paragraph defining the ‘spark’ that two soulmates feel when seeing each other was underlined three times in blue pen. Your Mom noted it as important for some exam she’d taken. Her handwriting was pretty, a lot like yours. You missed her a lot. Sure you still got to visit once every few months, and of course, she sent you letters, but you couldn’t help the ache in your chest when you thought of her.

You blinked back the tears building up in your eyes. You hated crying over stupid stuff like this. You were happy for your mom, you were. She found her soulmate and was living in the lap of luxury with her new family… You just wished that you and Dad could’ve been part of that happy life she has now.

Something soft brushes against your leg, and a tentative ‘meow’ comes from below you. Glancing down, you see your cat you’ve had since you were eight, Maki. She was a calico you picked up off the street and domesticated with nothing but a cat’s for dummies book and a whole lot of patience. You’d owned numerous animals throughout your life – most of which were rodents bought at pet stores who couldn’t have lived longer no matter how much you tried – but Maki was your favorite. She just… understood you in a way that no other living creature could’ve, as crazy as that sounded. 

You give her a careful scratch behind her ears, grinning as she purrs in delight. She has no idea she’s going in a crate in a few hours, poor thing. You close up the book, carefully hiding it away beneath several of your textbooks, and tape up the box aptly labeled ‘textbooks’. Satisfied, you pull Maki into your lap and give her cuddles, which she begrudgingly accepts.

Your room and all of your items were packed up – including the air mattress you’d been sleeping on for the past few days while your actual bed was transported all the way to Tokyo. All you had to do was put the last few boxes in the car, and you and your father would leave later that day after lunch. Which meant if you wanted to meet with your friends, you had to get your butt moving. You scooped Maki up in your arms and quickly headed downstairs, smiling a little to yourself as you saw your dad fighting to zip up his suitcase in the barren living room.

“You all good old man?” You called, trying hard not to laugh at him.

“I had more clothes than I thought,” he huffed, “help your old man out, come sit on it while I zip.”

You hop down the remaining stairs and settle yourself squarely in the middle of the giant thing, Maki taking the chance to hop out of your arms and wander off into the empty kitchen. Your father gives a big grunt, and finally manages to zip his suitcase closed.

He leans back, wiping his brow of the sweat he accumulated from moving boxes all day, “I thought your clothes were bad! I’m no better!”

You laugh, “That’s cause you refuse to get rid of anything, even the stuff you never wear.”

“I’m keeping them because they have–”

“‘Sentimental value.’ Yeah, Dad, I know the speech.” You drawl.

He smiles at you and ruffles the top of your head. Something like pride shines in his eyes, and you almost feel like a normal family for a second. 

“You all packed up sweetheart?” he asks, and you give him a nod, “I know you’re going to see your friends, so I’ll put the last of your things in the car.”

You step up and give him a big, warm hug, which he returns happily. “Thanks, Dad. I love you.”

“I love you too pumpkin’,” he pulled away, straightening out your jacket, “be safe, and don’t let those two idiots get you in trouble on your last day here.”

You laugh, shaking your head at the idea. Sure, Noya and Tanaka were a bit rough around the edges, but they were good people. Speaking of, the two of them were already waiting outside of your gate when you stepped out of the house. Noya was holding a volleyball under his arm, and Tanaka was flushed and panting.

“Did you two play a whole set while you were waiting,” you laughed, stepping around and closing your gate.

“Nah, Tanaka just ran here 'cause he was late,” Noya explains simply.

Tanaka groans, and you pat his back awkwardly, hoping he won’t double over and die the last time you get to see him for a while. He gives a final gruff gasp for air before he straightens up and gives you a bright grin as if he hadn’t almost died at your feet. You shake your head at him, used to the behavior.

“You didn’t have to run all the way here, you moron.” You scold, giving him a firm smack on the head.

He grumbles, rubbing at the spot you hit, “We both wanted to be here at the same time… and Saeko was holdin’ me up.”

“Mhm, whatever you say. Still, no excuse to try and kill yourself before I even leave.” 

The three of you begin your usual walk to the convenience store nearby, on the mission to get some delicious meat buns, then pass the volleyball around for a couple of hours while you talk about life and things like that. Simple stuff so you don’t have to think too hard about the fact that you won’t be seeing your best friends for at least a few months after today. As you walk, you reflect on the people you hold dear from here. Feeling more sentimental than you usually let yourself be.

You had known Nishinoya since you were in diapers, having lived close to him and his family your whole life. You were practically raised by his grandpa who taught you all the most important life lessons, like riding a bike or how to play rough with the boys at school. Your favorite thing about being Noya’s friend, though, was his grandpa's stories about soulmates. He would sit the two of you down at night and tell stories of how he met his precious soulmate, and how precious each life lived with her has been – though he doesn’t remember any of them. He was the main reason you didn’t resent your mother, stepping in where your father couldn’t soothe you when she left in middle school.

Not to mention, being Noya’s friend was just fun. When you were little he was always taking you on ‘adventures in the wild’, which was just the two of you terrorizing the rice farmers in the surrounding area. You would swim in the river with him during the hottest days of summer, having epic water gun battles for the ages until you inevitably hit an adult and got a stern scolding. During winters you’d curl up in front of your TV and play with the console your father bought for your tenth birthday – usually Mario Kart or party games that always ended in an argument between the two of you, and an inevitable week ban on the console. Where Noya was, you were sure to be close behind, and the same applied in reverse.

Being friends with Noya, inevitably, led to you befriending his closest friend from Karasuno: Tanaka. As well as every other member of the volleyball team – like Daichi and Sugawara, who were the most ‘senpai’ senpai you might’ve ever met. Asahi, who looked at least ten years older than he was, was just a sweetheart. Unfortunately, he and Noya weren’t on speaking terms, so neither were you.  And, of course, the ever-lovely Kiyoko Shimizu, who was trying to get you to manage the volleyball team with her before she found out you were leaving this year. Tanaka was convinced they were soulmates, like real actual soulmates, but she hardly glanced his way. You kinda felt bad for him, but he couldn’t be convinced otherwise. (It didn’t help that Noya fed into his fantasies so much).

Long story short, you had a life here. A good one that you loved with friends that you wanted to keep… but life hasn’t been fair to you for a long time. Your dad got a good promotion, and that meant you had to move to Tokyo. So, instead of continuing high school here, you would be uprooted and moved to Tokyo Metropolis – specifically, you’d be going to Nekoma High School. A much larger high school than Karasuno with people you’ve never met in a city you’ve only visited a handful of times.

Buying the meat buns was quick, and the three of you ended up at a park doing exactly what you figured you would. Mostly, it was Noya and Tanaka messing around with the ball, which you would have to dodge occasionally to keep your head on your shoulders. There was a sense of peace at the moment, just watching them try and best each other as the sun rose high in the sky. You wished you could freeze this moment and live in it forever. You wished you didn’t have to leave. You wished you fought your Dad harder on moving. You wished and wished, but wishes don’t change the past, and they certainly won’t affect the future. 

The ball whizzed right past your face – an intentional shot from your shorter friend. You barely managed to duck out of the way, sending a glare his way. Your balder friend laughs at you as he runs to grab the ball. 

“What the hell was that for?” You shout, smoothing over your frazzled hair.

“You’re doing too much thinking and not enough playing.” He states simply, “Get out of your head and enjoy the moment you have now, or else you’ll miss out on it.” 

Ever the poet Noya (accidentally) was, you acquiesced holding your hands up in surrender. You were here to spend time with your friends, not mourn the fact that you wouldn’t be able to do it anymore.

“Alright, toss me the ball,” you sigh, standing from your spot.

Tanaka bumps the ball to you, an easy toss since you rarely ever played volleyball outside of this ritual the three of you formed. Your mind is so busy trying to keep up with your much more talented friends, that you hardly have time to think about how sad you were. As you dive after the ball and scrape up your chin, you don’t even remember what had you so upset in the first place. It was just you and your friends like the world had intended. 

By the time you had finished, the three of you were covered head to toe in scratches and dirt – like you were three little kids who played too rough. You were sweating and breathing hard by the end of it, though you could tell he and Tanaka still had plenty of energy to spare – unlike you. Perks of being athletes, you guessed. Downing what Noya had left of his water, you checked your phone and cursed. 12:30 and two missed calls from your dad. He’s gonna be so pissed.

“What’s wrong?” Tanaka pants out, leaning over your shoulder, “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, shit is right. I’m gonna get such a lecture when I get back.” You groan, dramatically slinging your arm over your eyes.

“Oh please, all your old man’s gonna worry about is your scraped-up knees.” Noya corrected snarkily.

“Whatever loser, I gotta get back regardless.” you sigh, brushing as much dirt off your clothes as you can manage.

You begin your pursuit toward your house, and the two boys follow behind without any arguing. Eventually, the three of you fall into step next to each other, sandwiched between them as you talk about various things. Video games, exams (that they passed by a hair), the next volleyball season (even though Noya is adamant he won’t participate without Asahi), and so on. No one wants to breach the topic at hand: you leaving. It’s depressing, but someone has to bring it up, or else it’ll stick to your skin like summer heat and leave you feeling hot with regret.

“I’m gonna miss you guys a lot.” You announce, looking up to the sky to avoid crying.

The two of them are quiet as they exchange a look across you. You can feel the mental battle between the two of them – a metaphorical game of rock, paper, scissors happens in their eyes. Tanaka loses, it seems, as he’s the first to speak.

“I mean, it’s not like we’ll never see each other again…” he pauses, “right? You’re going to visit for sure.”

You nod eagerly, “Of course I am, I just… I dunno how often I’ll be able to. It’s gonna be hard without you guys.”

Noya punches your shoulder, “Don’t be depressing about it, dummy! This is a new opportunity – you could even-” he pauses, looking around and lowering his voice, “you could meet your soulmate.”

“Ohhh, like Tanaka totally met his.” You snark.

“Kiyoko is my soulmate!” He retaliates, voice breaking in the middle.

“Come on!” Noya groans, hopping in your path and halting all movement, “This is a change you need! It’s like I always say, there's never a bad change 'cause everything’s part of the universe’s great plan for us.”

“Alright Noya, I get it. Can’t a girl just be a little melancholic sometimes?” 

“No. Now let's get you home before your old man has a reason to yell at us too.” He shouts, suddenly breaking into a sprint.

“Hey, you little bastard, get back here!” You shout back, quickly taking after him.

“Come on guys!” Came Tanaka as he picked up his pace to keep up with you.

.·:*˚¨¨ ≈★≈ ¨¨˚*:·.

Noya was correct, your Dad’s only concern when he saw you was how messy you had become. You gave your two friends a big hug with the promise that you’d keep each other up to date on everything, and then they left for Noya’s to do god knows what. You had a hearty lunch that your Dad picked up from a Chinese place while you were gone, tried and failed to crate Maki who ended up in your lap in the front seat, and then you were off to Tokyo. A nearly five-hour drive that your father thought would be good bonding time.

If by bonding he meant two hours of shitty music you didn’t like and off-key singing, you two were practically chemically bonded at this point. You couldn’t bring yourself to be anything more than mildly annoyed, huffing out an amused laugh as your old man struggled through another verse of a song you didn’t know. He nudged you, laughing at your face.

“What? Not enjoying your old man’s musical talent?” He jokes.

You roll your eyes at him, and he laughs, leaning over to finally turn down the music. He holds his hand up in surrender as he pulls back, apologizing lightheartedly, and you can’t stop the smile from growing on your face. He reaches over and squeezes your knee gently.

“You doing okay kiddo?” He asks, softly, as if you might break if he spoke any louder.

You nod, “Just a little… sad… you know.”

He sighs, nodding back at you. He looked tired, and this was the first time you considered that… maybe the move was as hard on him as it was on you.

“I grew up in that house, and all my friends are in Miyagi… it just feels like such a shame to leave it all behind.”

“I know honey. But… I think this move is gonna be good for us. I’ll make more money to support us, and you’ll have more opportunities in the big city.” He says excitedly.

“Yeah… I know.” you sigh, and there’s a tense lull in the conversation. 

Your Dad has a hard time comforting you, that was always your mom's job, and he never figured out how to do it by himself. You always ended up having to pick up the pieces for both of you.

“I, Uhm, I saw that there was a shelter near where we live that lets high schoolers volunteer on weekends – sometimes they even give long-time helpers permanent positions through college.” You offer up.

“Now that is exactly something that you would love doing, isn’t it?” He responds with a smile.

“Yeah, I already applied for it.” You laugh, “I was excited, but they haven’t gotten back to me yet.”

“Wow! Look at you, already so responsible! Where’s my little girl, I want her back,” he teases, pinching your cheek.

“Dad! It’s nothing serious, just an application!”

“But I’m still so proud of you. You’re already taking steps to adjust, that's real maturity, honey.”

You flush, nervously running your fingers through Maki’s fur. It didn’t feel like it was such a big deal, but you were happy that you were making your Dad proud of you.

“I’m gonna miss all my friends, but I’m excited to go to Nekoma. I mean, a bigger school means a much wider curriculum, so maybe I can take some classes focused on animals and stuff.” You say hopefully.

“You for sure could, I think I saw some of those classes when I was looking into the school.” He encourages.

“Yeah, and I can make some new friends who like the same stuff I do! Noya even said that I could find my soulmate!” You exclaim, before you can even realize what you’re saying, and when you catch yourself it's already too late.

“Hon… you know how I feel about that… soulmate stuff.”

“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just… exciting, and… I guess I’m hopeful.”

He sighs, frustration clear on his face, “You’re a little too old to be hopeful about something like that.”

“I-it’s just a nice thought, that there's someone out there who’s made for me. My other half…”

“Sweetheart…”

“I know you don’t like it because of what happened with Mom, but there's evidence–”

“Just stop!” He shouts, then bites his lip, “Please, honey, just don’t.”

You nod, “I’m sorry Dad.”

He doesn’t respond, instead turning up the music. You don’t talk to each other unless you have to. You focus your attention on Maki, giving her attention until she hops off your lap and you have to focus on your phone. It’s about eight o’clock when you get to the new house. It’s… nice, much bigger than your old one, and much nicer. 

The two of you grab your suitcases and a few assorted boxes to bring in (Maki following after you like a trained dog), too tired to unpack the whole car. You trudge your way across the house to your room – already furnished with bed made, thanks to the moving service your dad booked. You set your things down and collapse into your familiar sheets. They still smell like home, and that brings you more comfort than you thought you needed.

Maki, ever the mind reader, hops up and nudges her way under your arm. You tug her close, pressing a thankful kiss to her forehead. The house was nice, and so was the neighborhood from what you saw outside of your window. You hoped the school was too, you wouldn’t see it until you went to register for classes later this week. You didn’t have much room to feel anything but depressed after you argued with your Dad. You shouldn’t have pushed it so much, but it frustrated you to no end that he was so in denial of what happened. 

You were exhausted, and thinking was taking up way too much brain power. You snuggled up to your cat, sighing at the familiar smell of her healthy coat.

“Tomorrow’s another day,” you mumbled, “let's hope it’s easier than today.”

[bones4thecats]

Okay if it's okay can I please ask for Yui and Poseidon but how would Yui react to Poseidon asking Yui for kianna's hand in marriage

And the rest is up to you

Also this is where kianna in a romantic relationship with Poseidon

Type of Writing: Request Characters: Poseidon Name: Poseidon Asking Yui for Permission To Wed Reader Requester: @nunezs-stuff

A/N: This was a very cute request! I have to admit, this was one of my favorite Poseidon pieces. Now, I hope you have a lovely rest of your day/night, lil bubbles🫧

✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅

✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋆⋄✧⋄⋅⋆⋄✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅

🔱 Poseidon, the Tyrant of the Seas, and one of the Four Brothers of Olympus. He was someone that everyone feared, and you did to, long ago, that is

🔱 He did not like any other species besides the Gods, and he didn't like most of them, but you were different than the rest for some odd reason, one that not even Hades could figure out

🔱 The God of the Sea would watch you work in his castle with your sister as the newest nymphs, since one of his higher-ranked ones decided to save you both by sacrificing some of her blood to do so

🔱 Poseidon would observe everything you did, and his normal hardcore and dead stare would change slightly into a warmer one

🔱 You fit it very well among your new species and family, so much so that many different nymphs from other Gods' homes, such as Apollo's, would speak of you as if you were their sister

🔱 He had to listen to Zeus' constant rants on how amazing you were, and when Adamas and Hades began to join in, Poseidon had to figure out what they were speaking of

🔱 That was the start to your whole relationship!

🔱 Fast forward many years later, you and Yui were living very high lives in the same palace that Poseidon resided in as his most high-ranking assistants

🔱 Yui was usually a very weary girl to be around, and Poseidon knew that, so whenever he needed to speak with her, he would let his trident rest in his room or somewhere away from his reach so she would feel at ease

🔱 That was what he had to do today, and today, their conversation was going to go far past the usual professionalism they usually carried

🔱 She knew how much Poseidon dislikes showing emotions, and most of the information on his feelings came from you

🔱 But, seeing him look at her in the eyes for the first time ever, she payed the most attention to his words, since showing disrespect may result in something horrid

🔱 Poseidon reached into his pocket and held out a small box and opened it, making her eyes widen

" Are you going to- " " I would like your permission in finalizing my relationship with your sibling, Y/N Komori. And, since they do not seem to like your father, your permission is the only one that truly matters here. "

🔱 Yui smiled and chuckled, making Poseidon cock and eyebrow at her reaction. He expected her to be serious, this was her sibling's heart she was lying in his hands, after all!

🔱 She nodded, gifting him her permission, which made him nod and thank her before making his way out of her room

" I wish you luck with her, Lord Poseidon! "

🔱 He turned around and gave her the sight of his rare smile and nodded, saying;

" We are to be family, Yui. You may call me Poseidon. " " How about brother? " " Don't push it. "

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

For your modern avatar au What if spider has some sort of respiratory diseases, or other chronic inflammatory lung or obstructive lung diseases. Because he has to were a oxygen mask in the movie.

Alright here is my answer finally @peachycrime

Okay, unfortunately my first thought was the fucking 2001 comedy/romance Bubble Boy, so that's cool.

Luckily for you I've been in the reddie fandom hardcore since 2016 so WE KNOW ABOUT ASTHMATIC HEADCANONS IN THIS HOUSE.

I think I'd pick like severe asthma because it just jives for me, but if you wanna go crazy we could really have a fucking Fault in our Stars/Five Feet Apart moment here. Really lean into locorro or spiri here.

-Spider lived with Norm for years because he was the foster parent they had with the most medical experience, but eventually he just was LIVING with Jake and Neytiri .

-Stay at home wheelchair dad Jake Sully with his three little kids under three had none of the attention or free time to dedicate to a kid with medical issues, but him and work from home Norm become a seamless team in the kids toddler years.

-Neytiri had just finished her residency so she was simply flawless with him. He's pretty much a normal kid, he's just got bad asthma. He does all physical activity he can, but he gets out of breath quickly and has to stop for a puff or two before he can get back out there.

-Neteyam is younger but they're in the same grade because Spider got held back because he was so lil because he was a sick kid before Neytiri and Norm got a hold of him.

-He carries around an inhaler and Neteyam also carries around an inhaler because Neteyam may be younger but he is so protective of Spider and so worried about him losing his breath when they are at school and their parents aren't around.

-Tonowari and Jake meet at the playground on a Saturday and all of a sudden Jake is an after-school care, watching his own four kids and Ao'nung and Tsireya (and neighborhood latchkey kid Rotxo who Spider loves because he was also a latchkey kid).

-Ao'nung gets mad at Spider during a game of pickle where they are both the taggers because Spider stops to tag a puff. Ao'nung insists he has to keep going and Spider does and ends up passing out.

-He's not allowed to run or do anything strenuous for two days and Ao'nung is grounded by Ronal for a week. Neteyam and Kiri don't talk to him for a day. He feels really bad though and after that he yells at any kid who tries to get Spider to do anything physical at school until a teacher has to call home and they all have to have a chat lol.

-Neytiri and Norm we're absolutely unbearable for days, hovering over him and making him drink water, while Jake was treating Spider exactly the same. They are disability buddies and Jake would never treat Spider as fragile because he isn't. In fact, they played catch later that night even though Spider was sitting down and it gave Neteyam an aneurysm.

-Lo'ak always explains to strangers that his brother is cool he just has "shit lungs" because he heard Jake say that one time.

-Reddie moment: "Spider Sully Blasts Off!" every time he uses his inhaler.

[slightlyobsessedwitheverything]

Truth or Dare Tag Game

i was tagged by @diazsdimples and @hippolotamus thank you 🤗

Which friends/mutuals would you call to hide a body?

i feel like @minthalo would have my back

How many user subscriptions do you have on Ao3?

2 surprisingly. i have only posted 2 very short fics several years ago 🤷‍♀️

Do you have a crush on someone? OR If you're with someone, tell us one thing you love about them.

i have a lil friend crush on @hippolotamus 😘 idk if i have any like crush crushes lol

What does the last DM/text you sent say?

“tell me you don’t understand the depth of their relationship without telling me”

i saw some BUCKWILD takes where people were minimizing buck’s place in eddie and christopher’s lives 🙄

List the three friends/mutuals with the best takes

@probablynotpoppin @minthalo and @usersiren maybe it’s bc we all exist in the same bubble lol but we all tend to agree on things most of the time

Share one of your favorite fics of all time

to be found by @zainclaw is a truly fantastic werewolf au fic

and this one’s not a fic, but a series:

the archer by nonalovesyou deals with eddie learning he is autistic, realizing he’s gay, and everything that comes after

List three of your favorite content creators

if we’re talking here on tumblr, @iinryer and @try-set-me-on-fire make BEAUTIFUL 911 art and though unfortunately i can’t tag them, @gayhoediaz writes some of my favorite fics in this fandom

Write one thing you love about yourself

i think i’m funny 😌

Which fandom of yours (past or present) has the best fics?

911 has some pretty good ones, but i think some of the best fics i’ve read were in the reddie/IT fandom

Which creation of your own are you the most proud of?

i started making photosets recently and i’m happy with both of them :)

eddie+shannon • loml -Taylor Swift

s5 eddie • Secrets - Rachael Jenkins

(i also recently finished a maddie gifset so 🫣 mayhaps i will post that soon)

Have you ever read RPF?

yeah of course. y’all remember mavin?

Tag the mutual(s)/friend(s) most likely to get away with murder

honestly idk if any of y’all would commit murder let alone get away with it 🤷‍♀️

Tag the mutual(s)/friend(s) who know(s) the most about you

@probablynotpoppin ! we’ve known each other for just about 13 years 🥰

Now tag some friends to play!

@probablynotpoppin @usersiren @bigfootsmom @minthalo @messyhairdiaz @tommykinrd @giddyupbuck @babygirl-eddie-diaz @thequeenofcarvenstone

[c-c-v]

Here's that lil bit I said I write about last post, hope ye ninjago/ most time twin peeps are ready for the silly with yer once local hybrid bean >:3

Dis bit takes place during a younger Era, where Venobrai is much of a young hatchling, and Krux had a gorgeous head of black hair, mainly featuring as his fake ID; Dr. Sanders, Saunders.

It was any lil old day at the some what not to recent built museum of the early Ninjago, the kind Dr. Saunders explaining what was ever asked, and needed answered while touring, the young Venobrai as a backpack, included.

But the day took a lovely turn, for Saunders specifically as he was need in the back, as a lovely reoccurring, guest of a explorer and historian was waiting.

Misako had comed to pay a visit in need of some answers with a recently discovered piece. "Ah, Dr. Saunders it's good to see you again."

"Ah-ha! Misako, ah- a pleasure to see you again! But please, call me Sanders." Saunders greeted Misako with his usual bubbly smile, and even the slightest hue of red on his cheeks.

The young green and blue scaled serpent coiled and perched on his shoulders looked over to the new lady, Venobrai was new to this Misako.

"Mhn. I'll be sure to keep that in mind then, Sanders. But, who is this one now? A Serpentine here with you?" Misako more than took notice to the shy, or skiddish Venobrai.

"Ah... Believe me, it is rather a interesting, but heartwarming story, but long story short... You could say I have taken it upon myself to take this little one in. Venobrai here is especially unique from the current known Serpents, and she's quite a lively, and friendly girl." Dr. Saunders briefly explained as he glanced to the serpent who only smiled and nudged into his cheek like a cat.

"That is very heartwarming, and most interesting to here. Ah, but we can discuss more of that later, we're getting off topic. And, I would like to know if you may know of anything that may relate with this piece..." Misako started to go one, and Saunders was no doubt just listening away with a smile and eyes that nearly twinkled as he listened to her going on while pointing or bringing up any possible answers.

The young Venobrai has however tuned most of it out, as she mostly couldn't help but focuse on he father figure, and this new lady. She could sense Krux seemed to like this... Misako, lady, and she seeming fairly nice as well. They seemed to get along a good bit. As this only brought a little, seeing innocent question to Vena.

"Papa? Do you and Misss-ako like each other?" The sweet young bean asked almost too innocently, as both Saunders and Misako's faces went to a shade of red, and wide eyes. Saunders specifically as he seemed more taken back, while Misako was much calmer about it.

"Eh-haheh, n-no Vena dear, that's- No that is, absolutely not the case at my little noddle- Not at all." Saunders most awkwardly told the young Serpentine. But fortunately for the embarrassed director, Misako had all the answers that they could have on the piece.

"Ah-hehn... Well, I'll say this much, she is a cute one for a Serpent... I see you take care of her to a great degree Sanders, and I am happy we were able to discuss this piece. Now I feel closer to a bigger puzzle piece... You're more than happy to store or display the piece. I wish you, and you're... Little noodle well." Misako said as she took a few noted and nodded before departing with Saunders waving goodbye, the red just not fading.

By the time she was well gone, Krux covered his face most embarrassed. "Venobrai my dear, kindly make sure I don't hear those words when she is in the same room as I again..." Krux muttered with his normal tone.

"Okay... But... Do you really like her though?" The curious snake couldn't help but ask, only making the two life director, and Master of Time grumble and proceed to carry on for the rest of the day.

(There ye goeess not gonna bother putting a bar shouldn't be THAT long even with mah storytelling writing-)

[f1-junkie]

Fancy a fun question chain to pass around f1blr?? Over to you, lovely!

Name (or what you want to be called on tumblr)

Where are you from?

Where do you live?

Any pets?

Favorite driver(s) currently on the grid, and why?

Favorite driver(s) not currently on the grid and why?

Favorite romantic driver pairing(s) (e.g. Maxiel, Carlando)

Driver you’re most attracted to physically

Driver whose personality you like best

Favorite driver friendship(s)

Favorite team principal

Favorite team

Least favorite team, if any

Driver(s) you dislike, if any

If you’re a fic writer: if you could only write about one f1 pairing for the rest of your life who are you choosing?

Please send this to 10 (or more!) other F1 tumblr users that you love and want to get to know better 🫶💜

Hi hi! Thank you for tagging me!!

• I’m Amor!🩵

• Was born and raised + currently live in Eastern Europe✌🏻

• I’ve got an adorable Scottish fold kitty which I am absolutely obsessed with

• Lewis Hamilton, the one and only king🩵 I also like Charles, he seems humble and adorable, I also admire Fernando Alonso

• As for those not on the grid currently.. I like Seb and Kimi, and them as a pairing - they just compliment each other so well

• My 4ever love is Carlando, my first ever f1 ship🥺 I also used to be a gewis shipper - in fact, I still have a couple of unfinished gewis artworks that I don’t want to just abandon and plan to finish and post. Via this particular ship I also met some super talented artists and writers that I still support - for instance, @bejwled writes absolutely bomb fan fiction, @russilton and @miaucedes create great super cute arts and have very distinct unique style - shoutout to you guys!💝

• Most attracted to physically… Lewis, I must say. Just… the way he’s built and all the tattoos do the thing for me😩 also, big forehead supremacy

• Personality-wise I would also say Lewis, also Daniel with all his bubbly goofy energy. Also, I think Fernando Alonso is funny in an effortless way, and Yuki is a lil chaotic menace fgfghggf

• Favourite driver friendship is Pierre+Charles! Also Pierre+Yuki if we talk friendship/platonic romance hehe

• No favourite team principal, sometimes toto is funny

• Fav team is Merc, just because Lewis is in it✌🏻

• No team that I particularly dislike

• No drivers I hate who are on the grid currently

No tagging anyone in particular but I’d love to see any of my mutuals doing this tag as well🩵

[nanshii-doruu]

Top Nancy Drew cosy moments (part one, probably)

(i’m using the British spelling of cosy and you will simply have to make your peace with that)

So! Recently released from tumblr jail I was looking over my posts and I had a couple of Top Creepiest Moments. Maybe one day I’ll do a part 3, I probably could! But, part of the appeal of ND for me is how comfy the games feel, too. Cosiness here refers to the peace/comfort you find in certain scenes in the games - and for me, cosiness has a lil bit of excitement in it, too. This is not presented in any sort of chronological or numerical order, just thoughts as they occur. For me this is often related to sleep and hidden places, but I’d love to hear your favourite ND cosy spots, or if you disagree with any of these!

DED - The dorm and rec room

Despite moments of terrible fear (and that creepy banging bit in the middle of the night) I actually really like the lab in this game. The rec room and the bunkbed room nostalgically feel a little like Guide Camp for me (I mean, winter Guide Camp, when we’d stay in an indoor building with bunks and sofas and Activities).

WAC - More or less the whole building, I guess

Again, we have moments of peril in this building, but I kind of love the idea of bed/study/food all being in one place (I miss dorm living sometimes...) The mild peril of having to be in bed at a certain time is fun, as is having a little tuck shop*. I also love the library so close to the bedroom - heaven!

*your Britishism of the day - "tuck shop” refers to a little shop in some kind of institution (private school, hospital, Guide camp etc) that sells cheap snacks/sweets. I’m familiar with it through Guides, I did not go to private school, do not mistake me for some private school **** lmao. Also I’m Scottish not British, this footnote is already too long

CAR - the hotel

This is one of the least interesting locations in the game but: call me boring, but I fuckin’ love a good hotel where you feel SAFE and RESTED (as long as you remember to turn your goddamn iron off). I love this room, I love ordering room service, I love those cheeseburgers and milk.

CRY - the hotel you never see

This one is kind of cheating because I’m talking about something you never see properly. Nancy is stuck in a house (it’s not really a mansion?), but Bess is back in the hotel. I’ve never been to New Orleans (hopefully soon!) but the idea of a French Quarter hotel with a balcony?? where you can go shopping??? and have a bubble bath??? and it’s raining the whole time ASMR style and also you can nip over the road and get some jambalaya/visit a curiosity shop/crash a Krewe meeting? I LOVE it. I bet this hotel had kickass pillows and a whirlpool tub.

DDI - the Hot Kettle Cafe

ooooooh this is the best. Nancy’s accommodation here sucks (head to head with Katie? COME ON) but this game is cosy and nice overall. The music is a big part of this, and I think the cosiness is at its best in the Hot Kettle Cafe. I want to rock up here, get a blueberry muffin and some clam chowder, and relax in a corner booth for a full afternoon.

SAW - Yumi’s apartment

I did list this in my scary list, and the game as a whole is terrifying. BUT HEAR ME OUT - I love Yumi saying that she loves her first taste of independence, I love the compact size of the apartment, I love us crashing in, I love the little kitchen area, and I love Yumi’s bed and her wardrobe. I wish nothing creepy happened cos this was nice!

TRT - most of the castle

My fellow gamers who love snow will immediately guess this. There’s just something magical about being snowed in. Plus a nice room, a roraring fire downstairs, and an infinite supply of chicken drumsticks? Sounds GREAT

[bojanus]

The Touch of the Sea reviews

My roommate snagged me a short story anthology that she called "A collection of gay mermaid erotica." Say no more. Turns out most the stories were NOT erotic (most made some reference to sex but some were only a few lines or fade to black) but there was plenty else to enjoy in this anthology edited by Steve Berman. Individual story thoughts below the read more.

Time and Tide by 'Nathan Burgoine

A man returns to his hometown for his father's funeral, and has to confront his ex he left behind when he originally left and his own heritage/powers. This one was super sweet, I found it nicely grounded and healing in a "returning to the hometown and finding peace" way. The ending brought a little tear to my eye. The powers/gifts were somewhat underexplored, but that makes sense for a short story.

The Calm Tonight by Matthew A. Merendo

Sea men go up to land every 200 years to choose a mate, and always bring back a woman who magically is able to live underwater with them thanks to magic. Our main character, however, falls in love with a man, and is hesitant because the magic may not protect his love the same way, and so he must choose between the sea and his love. Made me somewhat sad, but I'm staying hopeful despite all the evidence otherwise. I choose to believe they got their happy ending.

The Bloated Woman by Jonathan Harper

Not a fan. A man stays by the shore to help take care of his aging professor, has a tryst with a married man, and runs into a random woman's body on the beach. Just kind of felt like "Ooh sad/brutal things happen". The narrator also spoke about others in a mean way sometimes that I'm not sure if it was intentional characterization or just the author kind of being a dick. The mystery aspect was intriguing but didn't really have a satisfying payoff for me.

The Stone of Sacrifice by Jeff Mann

This was a breath of fresh air, especially the first half where a man just finds this random cute guy swimming in the middle of a storm. I will say the Scottish accent of the sea-guy was something I'm not used to reading and it made for a bit of a silly contrast for me during the heavier erotic sections... but I was delighted the whole time. The ending got a lil worrisome, but overall I'm a fan.

Air Tears by Damon Shaw

After a kiss, the main character finds himself unable to breath air but able to breath underwater. Short, and I think that fit as the compelling part of it was the snapshot concept of a man underwater, crying tears of air that bubble up to the surface.

The Grief of the Seagulls by Joel Lane

A man recalls how his lover died thanks to corporate greed for oil along the shore. Sad but poignant, the corporate greed destroying safety felt all-too-familiar, but at least in this story there is a little closure given for the grief. A really thoughtful work.

Ban's Dream of the Sea by Alex Jeffers

People who colonized an abandoned island full of architecture have been having sexy dreams and disappearing. I enjoyed the relationship between the two main men in this, the descriptions of architecture (and the use of the tower near the end) I think would appeal to anyone who loves buildings and such but otherwise... the racism I think was intended to be period accurate, but there were various lines about how "savages couldn't have made architecture that advanced/organized/beautiful"... which again we are in the POV of the colonists for that line so it makes sense they say that, but there was so little depth or acknowledgement of the natives culture (or like, what IS the natives architecture then?? If it's not that?) and the randomly tossed in bonds(wo)men just felt like turning a whole group of people into set dressing... It left a bad taste in my mouth that the cool magic concept couldn't quite overpower. Lovecraftian in many ways.

Night of the Sea Beast by Brandon Cracraft

A delightful romp through the making of a monster movie in the McCarthy era with cultural hysteria around homosexuality stoked high... but more importantly, someone or something keeps killing the lead actress of this monster movie. This story was by far the most fun, somewhat silly at times but with a nice core concept and in the spirit of a B-movie horror film. There was also a really strong theme of community, not just among queer folks but also among allies who love them; people continually showed up and helped each other throughout and the very ending scene was so sweet. The exposition was a little heavy-handed at times (everyone's always dropping their relevant backstory notes at the drop of a hat), but I think that's in the nature of the short story (this was among the longer in this anthology, but I would gladly read a longer version with more time spent with the characters and the twists and turns of the mystery).

Wave Boys by Vincent Kovar

This story follows the Wave Boys, a specific sea-faring group among many others that all have their own traditions and cultures. Seeing the Wave Boys traditions, those of other groups, and the larger culture surrounding all of them was interesting and well constructed. Fun with really interesting/engaging cultural worldbuilding, though I got confused at times trying to keep track and figure out what everything was. I especially enjoyed the traditions around storytelling.

Out to Sea by John Howard

One of the more happy stories, where a guy just decides to go and visit some islands he has been interested in for a long time. Didn't particularly stick with me, but was a nice change of pace from some of the sadder/ambiguous stories.

Keep the Aspidochelone Floating by Chaz Brenchley

A vessel gets hijacked by the pirate queen, and a particularly famous sailor decides to join the pirates as a cook. He ends up in a romance with a cute young guy, and there's various shenanigans along the way, including some whaling. If you like Moby Dick then you'll probably enjoy this one. The characters were all strong, especially the pirate queen who I adored. I wish everyone could have had a happy ending, but overall I think the final scene was wonderfully dramatic and full of action and twists. Plus the love interest was adorable.

Overall

I'm not an experienced short story reader, like I don't really do anthologies, so I think it was challenging for me to read stories where there wasn't a lot of time to get into the characters and plots. Plus there were a lot of sad/ambiguous endings, which I generally avoid... but I'm glad I read through and tasted some new things and stuff that's interesting to check out but I might not want a whole book about. My top four were: Night of the Sea Beast, The Stone of Sacrifice, Time and Tide, and Keep the Aspidochelone.

[dino-boyo-agere]

30 days of AgeRe!!

Saw it on @'s page n decided to do it to!

I hope I'll remember to upload it on Christmas hehe

It kinda just came natural to me, I realized I often felt small, when I fell on hard times and upon looking it up, I found out about the community <3

My little age mostly varies between 3 to 6 years, but sometimes I am older (up to 12)

Kind of.. I have papa but he is really bad at speaking English (we are German) and when I'm little I tend to talk English... I often go completely nonverbal too, that doesn't help winter though. He also lives far away, so I am kinda looking for an English speaking online cg, but I'm really bad at keeping contact.

Uh, I don't know.. It really depends on my mood. I really liked ke to be alone sometimes and other days I just want to cuddle all day. I would really love to go on a playdate though!!

Yes, I haven lots! Sippy cups, Pacies, lil clothes, cute nappies, lot's of toys & plushies, etc.

No, I don't. I think pet regression is super cute (and very valid) though!

Little me is fairly similar to big me, but I'm even more shy when small and generally scared of many more things. I also often go nonverbal and I stim way more.

Both! Coloring when I'm smaller and drawing when I'm a bigger kid.

I talked to @numblittlebug02, @pupslittlespace2 , @sfwregressionfanfictions, @honeyspiders10, & @bootlegmothman420 and they all seem really nice. I also really like @my-lil-playhouse, @babblingbabybrookie, @nostalgic-woodwind, @syd-agerekiddo and @tinyaractus

I'm getting better at controlling it! In the beginning I didn't even know how to voluntary regress, it only happened when I wasn't doing well (mentally and/or physically). I now do know how to become tiny and can plan little time when I need it. I sometimes still regress involuntary though, mostly when I'm overstimulated or sick (physically sick or in a bad mental space)

I just googled what Age Dreaming is and: Yes, all the time!

Yes, I do regress in many of my dreams.

Mac and Cheese and PB&J sandwiches

Yes!! I have way to many..

Yes, most of my friends and my family know. Some get it, others don't really understand but everyone accepts me and my Regression. I've only regressed Infront one of my friends though, she just rolled with it (she's the mom friend)

Hmm, I really like Buddy, Kiddo and Silly.. And I absolutely melt when someone calls me Darling or Sweetheart

Being called Darling or Sweetheart, bubble baths, coloring & crafting, aswell as specific YouTubers, Movies and Shows I watched as a kid. (And the former mentioned triggers of my involuntary regression)

Depends, sometimes not so much, I often struggle to stay regressed bc of my anxiety. I get scared that ppl think I'm weird or annoying.

I feel very safe in the community but sometimes other regressors can be very judgemental and jump to conclusions.. I got cast out and blocked by whole groups because they 'found out' I wear nappies (I'm really open about that) and immediately ostracized me, because they thought I was ABDL.. I am incontinent bc of a birth defect, I have to wear diapers 24/7 and when I'm small, I like to wear cute and colorful ones! I am not an ABDL. Besides, people can be ABDL when their big and still be valid in their Age Regression, as long as they seperate the two things they should still be allowed in the community. Age Regressors are still just as valid, when they have NSFW interests while big.. One thing has nothing to do with the other, imo. (Just keep them separated!)

Yes, lot's!! Especially ones about my comfort characters and I like ffs where the little!reader is interacting with comfort characters. I also write ffs, I haven't posted them yet though.

Yes but I despise being tickled. It makes me really uncomfortable one I feel very unsafe when someone does it. It's a big trigger for me, generally, I don't like physical contact unless I initiate it.

Argyle from stranger things, I think.. Eddie Munson is currently my No. 1 comfort character, but I think Argyle would still be the best fit for me when it comes to being a cg. (Though he would have to stop smoking pod, drug use is also a big trigger for me bc of trauma). Derek Morgan from Criminal Minds would also be amazing, I think, bc he would probably know how to handle my meltdowns and he's so loving.

I really want one of those hanging chairs, that can swing and it should be really big like a huge birds nest. And dinosaurs everywhere!!!

Yes! I like going on space missions and visiting the Jurassic Park.

Trauma, aswell as Stress relief.

Yes, I partially listen to the same music (exception of really sad & violent lyrics and songs with to many bad words). I also really like instrumentals, classical music and lofi beats when I'm tiny. So I listen to a wild mix.. (Cavetown, Bethoven, frad, game soundtracks, etc.)

No.

Shy, skittish, quiet but can be very playful and upbeat when I feel safe.

I think I might have the tendency to get into a cg type headspace, when I'm with someone who seems small. I feel more like a big brother/ sibling or maybe babysitter though, I think.

I'm really happy to be part of this community and I hope to make lots of friends <3

[perditious]

@blacksailsgf  tagged me to list 5 songs i've been listening to on repeat lately. thank you sunshine <3 i love song memes and am notorious for listening to the same song over and over and over and etc so i’m rubbing my lil gremlin hands together.

my brain kinda goes grey and slow and sleepy for winter, which means we’re hitting the point in the year where i come out of hibernation or stasis or whatever you want to call the period where i’m within the delightful intersection of less light and more depression (i like winter. my mental health, however).

this year it’s also coinciding with less need for masking (fewer migraines) so i also have more energy in general? basically i’m having a lot of feelings and thoughts and just. being a lot. not out loud, i don’t think? but internally. we are both frolic and frenetic. all the greyscale humdrum is going technicolor buzz for better and worse. i want to kiss the world on the mouth and i want to nap.

anyway. the point (i did have one, i promise) is that all of that means listening to slower syrupy more delicate music because i am registering a range and intensity of feelings and sensations i am no longer adjusted to and also i am having more thoughts more rapidly than has been the norm in recent years. it’s good! it’s all good.

florence and the machine - dream girl evil. i haven’t listened to anything else today. i was thinking about why i don’t date much, as one does--and i am. idk. in this moment i could definitely do an exorcist head spin and hiss did mommy make you sad? while sadako-crawling across the floor toward the majority of my relationships and situationships in a manner most discomfiting. grumpy, maybe that’s the word.

serpentwithfeet - gonna go. everything josiah puts out hurts my in my heart so beautifully and this is like listening to glass spinning itself into inexorable heartache bubbles

i am cheating because i have had placebo - meds on persistent repeat for like three months now. we do not need to go into my placebo feelings again, everyone who isn’t a pornbot has heard it all before.

annie lennox - why (live). annie lennox is a lightning bolt wrapped in a human, i swear. live versions of this song are for me what fleetwood mac clips are to the tumblr girlies lately. people who can emit that sort of energy and control it are fascinating to me, so this is a predictable rabbit hole lol

mark lanegan - strange religion. i fuckin miss mark.

bonus: fiona apple - heavy balloon. goes into heavy heavy rotation every spring because i am what i am.

tagging @greppelheks @hag-lad @amazonplanet @archistratego​ & @teex (& anyone else in the mood!).

[baekhvuns]

Someone talked about the cock and balls fansite a few months ago, but I can't find anything, I guess it was for fun or something??? 😭 oh yeah China ones are riiiiich and definitely work with the companies

They did what? Took their undies? Noooooo. Yeah it's fucked up. Exactly, they said "we can't be racist because we like kpop" sit your ass down you racist clown

I think both of our friends are on a different planet now dudhsjdhdisndhsjdh

Bestie I just want any ticket at this point. I'll definitely not go for the most expensive one, because I'm saving money ☠

Sadly nothing is predictable and I know how it feels to have your concert cancelled last minute so. </3 at this point kpop stans are so starved for concerts they don't know how to behave, it's disgusting. Ehhh apparently there were many wild and shitty Atinys there...

I think a lot of people are still confused about his release date, and nothing is 100% confirmed, but I know that account! If he's not back soon then a lot of people will be shocked and disappointed

I love this lil comedy, Hwa would be so stressed but Y/N would be just confused and if he starts avoiding her too, lmao. Then it finally clicks and Y/N's brain goes blank because THAT NICE QUIET GUY IS DOING SLUTTY THINGS AT NIGHT?!

A paper ripped by him - spoken like a true Shinestar

I hope more people start talking about Seonghwa's abilities, not just his looks (I know he likes getting called pretty or handsome) and being a mum/nerd/boomer, because he deserves it 100%! I'm also proud of him for singing live a lot, to think he barely had lines on the first album and couldn't even sing them properly at first... now he has so many lines 😭🤧💗

Oh my friend officially said "I'm a baby Shitstar" we got her!!!

JUST SAW THE SG?!??! Choose your partner...A whole ass AU, they want people to be delulu so bad. Seonghwa THE CATCH? He's gonna catch these hands for sure, tf why is he a fuckboy.... KQ you can't be doing this to me. The range

Or imagine Ateez in Hell's Kitchen lol

My thoughts on lovers to enemies to... lovers I hope? Or how about friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers 😉

Lmao that Matz thing, so true. What about Hwa from nerd to a fuck boy huh

THE JP CB VIBE IS ELEGANT WHORE!

Cool kid Woo that's a fuck boy please

Seonghwa bite me next time heh...🤡

Oh god that piece of shit interviewer, I knew he was sus, but this is even worse. Tho their faces were ICONIC. Waiting for tea on that Chanlix documentary they did...

Oooooo okay, as for websites it depends where you're located, it would be good to order locally if possible. I don't recommend KQ shop though. Your friend needs A LOT of bubble wrap and waterproof seal mailing bags, unless someone orders more copies then a little box will do. As for cards or freebies, it's up to them, but it's a nice gesture. They can print out their "business" cards with a little thank you card. Are they doing members cards sorting?

"Lady you were screaming at the top of your lung" what is this quiz akhdhskshsjeje - DV 💖

hi hello!!

Someone talked about the cock and balls fansite a few months ago, but I can't find anything, I guess it was for fun or something??? 😭 oh yeah China ones are riiiiich and definitely work with the companies

this is so funny pls 😭😭😭 the strangest names a fansite could have and they cHOSE COCK AND BALLS legendary 😭😭😭 yOO china ones are so rich they be their own companies itself 🤚🏼 that sehun bar can literally buy a whole brand he endorses 🤚🏼

They did what? Took their undies? Noooooo. Yeah it's fucked up. Exactly, they said "we can't be racist because we like kpop" sit your ass down you racist clown

YEAAH 😭😭😭 KYUNGSOOS UNDERWEAR AND TRIED SELLING IT FBWKFBWK

alleged EXO sasaeng fan attempts to sell D.O's underwear “we can’t be racist bc we like kpop” and ONLY follow it if their token asians/kpop groups are present 🔫🔫

I think both of our friends are on a different planet now dudhsjdhdisndhsjdh //// Bestie I just want any ticket at this point. I'll definitely not go for the most expensive one, because I'm saving money ☠

100% IM LOVING THIS CONVERSION OF UR FRIEND DBNSDBDJ not the most expensive but def the best seat in the arena! tbh even the last section has the best views 😭😭

Sadly nothing is predictable and I know how it feels to have your concert cancelled last minute so. </3 at this point kpop stans are so starved for concerts they don't know how to behave, it's disgusting. Ehhh apparently there were many wild and shitty Atinys there...

“at this point kpop stans are so starved for concerts they don't know how to behave, it's disgusting” THISSSS !!!! its almost like they didn’t know how to behave even before but with the two year break its just gone so bad ???? bro like basic manners 😭😭??? like if ur mom saw u doing that then what??? i know a slap slap coming ur way???

from this convo, the only fun thing we can get is san recording ateez running on the airport fhwjdhsj sometimes being an idol sounds so fun, ur with ppl u live laugh and perform and live ur dreams with and then u randomly be running on the airport laughing trying to catch ur flight or no money rbkqdjsk

I think a lot of people are still confused about his release date, and nothing is 100% confirmed, but I know that account! If he's not back soon then a lot of people will be shocked and disappointed

I JUST NEED THAT MAN BACK I LISTENED TO HOLY WATER ON REPEAT TODAY AND I WAS KNEELING THE VOCAL AND PRODUCTION VALUE 🤌🏼🤌🏼✨ atp why cant sm release a statement this is too much, theyre so busy naming smstore kwangya but can’t release a statement on their money makers enlistment date

I love this lil comedy, Hwa would be so stressed but Y/N would be just confused and if he starts avoiding her too, lmao. Then it finally clicks and Y/N's brain goes blank because THAT NICE QUIET GUY IS DOING SLUTTY THINGS AT NIGHT?!

IM REALLY INTO THIS ACTUALLY <33 STOP THIS GUY WOULD BE SHITTING BRICKS AT EVERY ENCOUNTER WITH YN HE’D START TO GASLIT HER SAYING U NEVER SAW ME FBWK omg it be clicking in y/n’s brain the night before the exam and she’s just sitting their connecting the dots <3 what do u think y/n’s prize would be if yn passes the exam <3 omf if YN starts laughing “wAIT you? you do that?”

“what?”

“no no, its just hard to imagine”

“it wont be if i show you right now”

“oh”

A paper ripped by him - spoken like a true Shinestar

AMEN

I hope more people start talking about Seonghwa's abilities, not just his looks (I know he likes getting called pretty or handsome) and being a mum/nerd/boomer, because he deserves it 100%! I'm also proud of him for singing live a lot, to think he barely had lines on the first album and couldn't even sing them properly at first... now he has so many lines 😭🤧💗

right!!! hopefully they don’t make the boomer thing his entire personality, yeah it’s one thing to joke about but then at the same time taking it so seriously fbwkdjwk 🔫🔫 U ARE SO RIGHT WHEN I USED TO LISTEN EARLY DAYS ID BE LIKE “huh everyone y’all’s ahout yeosang’s like but what about that blond guy” i did not actually even know sh’s name whdkwhdkq and now that he’s everywhere FUCK IT UP !!! HIS VOCALS ARE SO PRETTY TO HEAR <3 and his rapping too! it rly is the hunger to perform that attracts so many fans

Oh my friend officially said "I'm a baby Shitstar" we got her!!!

LESSSSGOOOOO

JUST SAW THE SG?!??! Choose your partner...A whole ass AU, they want people to be delulu so bad. Seonghwa THE CATCH? He's gonna catch these hands for sure, tf why is he a fuckboy.... KQ you can't be doing this to me. The range ///// Or imagine Ateez in Hell's Kitchen lol

CHOSE YOUR PARTNER AU PLS ITS CO CUTE BUT SO FUNNY FBFBF its literally a hallmark movie set im so in love <3 SEONGHWA AS THE CATCH HE IS ATEEZMAKEMEWEEP’S FBOYBWA 😩😩😩 WOOYOUNG AS THE BAD BOY GETFO FHWKFFBEMFBEK

ateez in hells kitchen oh my god and it just be yunho getting yelled at for making raw food and wooyoung laughing only to get called an idiot sandwich 😭😭

My thoughts on lovers to enemies to... lovers I hope? Or how about friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers 😉

hOW ABOUT FRIENDS TO LOVERS TO ENEMIES TO never reaching lovers

Lmao that Matz thing, so true. What about Hwa from nerd to a fuck boy huh /// THE JP CB VIBE IS ELEGANT WHORE!

this is literally the trope of the fic we made,,, nerd during day fuck boy during night fmwbdkw IT REALLY IS GOD THEY LOOK SO EXPENSIVE I NEED SOMEONE TO EDIT HIM IN SOME BRAND bc this???? needs to be in some commercial

Cool kid Woo that's a fuck boy please

i have an au prepped for it <3

Seonghwa bite me next time heh...🤡 Oh god that piece of shit interviewer, I knew he was sus, but this is even worse. Tho their faces were ICONIC. Waiting for tea on that Chanlix documentary they did...

LMFAOOOO IN LINE ANON IN LINE 🔫🔫 AND WOOYOUNG KNEW TOO U COULD SEE IT ON HIS FACE 😭😭 oHO MAN IM WAITING ON THAT ONE TOO and now u get that anchor would have been nicer if a bigger group was there u just know too

Oooooo okay, as for websites it depends where you're located, it would be good to order locally if possible. I don't recommend KQ shop though. Your friend needs A LOT of bubble wrap and waterproof seal mailing bags, unless someone orders more copies then a little box will do. As for cards or freebies, it's up to them, but it's a nice gesture. They can print out their "business" cards with a little thank you card. Are they doing members cards sorting?

“im about to start stanning your anon for this info, god bless ur would dv anon what a queen” YEAH ABSOLUTELY NOT KQ SHOP THATS WAYY TOO EXPENSIVE,, yes she is! and most of them want seonghwa pc’s too fbwkfjwk but since they’re doing that package thing maybe it’ll be easier!

"Lady you were screaming at the top of your lung" what is this quiz akhdhskshsjeje - DV 💖

TO MAKE UP FOR THAT SHITTY QUIZ 🔫 im actually screaming at the options on this quiz fbwnfhsj

????? 😭😭

and uh, quick question, would u like ceo hwa to have silver or black hair

HELLO

AND TELL ME WHAT DO DO????? TODAY???? FUCK????

hwa baby girl era

[storiesforallfandoms]

need help ~ nikki sixx;the dirt

word count: 1789

request?: yes!

“The dirt Nikki sixx x female reader, the reader been best friends with Nikki sense they were kids and became friends through them having terrible home lives, when motley Crüe started up she was their cheering him on. The reader also been in love with Nikki for a long time but when Nikki starts taking heroin she ends up finding him and taking care of him and this happens more than once but after he overdoses the reader snaps and says that she can’t keep watching the man she loves doing heroin. Please and thank you”

description: after finding her friend overdosing, they have a heavy talk about his addiction and his desire to get help

pairing: nikki sixx x female!reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs, mentions of overdosing, lil angst?

masterlist (one, two)

It wasn’t the first time I had found Nikki in the midst of one of his highs. In fact, it was becoming such a regular occurrence that I usually expected Nikki to be high as a kite whenever I went to see him.

What I didn’t expect this time around was to find him almost dead. Or...I guess completely dead.

I had gotten a call from one of his junkie friends - also nothing new. He sounded frantic and scared as he tried to tell me there was something wrong with Nikki. I thought at first that maybe he was just too high and was freaking out because Nikki was also high, so I wasn’t too alarmed at first. I drove to the address that the guy had given me, convinced that I was going to have to carry Nikki back home yet again and nurse him through his heroin hangover.

When I showed up to the house and found it completely abandoned, a feeling of dread started to grow in me. I walked into the house to find Nikki on his own, passed out, with ghostly pale skin and dried vomit on his mouth and chest. My heart stopped as I fell next to Nikki and checked his pulse. When I couldn’t find one, I immediately called 911.

The ride to the hospital was mostly a blur. The paramedics let me ride with Nikki, but I was basically curled up in an anxiety filled ball as I watched them trying to operate on Nikki. Just when I had lost all hope of him being helped, one of the paramedics injected him with something and he gasped back to life.

Nikki was put in a hospital room to make sure the drugs fully left his system before he was discharged. They allowed me to stay with him since he had no other immediate family to call. I slept in the chair by his bedside while he went through his detox, which was probably the most uncomfortable I had ever been. But I didn’t want to leave until I knew Nikki was okay. I wanted him to wake up so I could tell him that I couldn’t keep doing this.

I was eating a bland hospital food meal when Nikki woke up. I watched him slowly come to life before taking in his surroundings. He turned his head and focused his attention on me.

“(Y/N)? Where am I?” he asked.

“The hospital,” I responded. “Do you remember much about last night?”

He shook his head. “I don’t remember anything.”

“You...um...well, you overdosed, Nik. Your heart stopped and everything. One of the paramedics managed to re-start it in the ambulance.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t read his facial expression, but I assumed he was shocked by this news. Or at least I hoped he was.

I sat at the edge of my chair, looking down at my hands. I couldn’t look at him. The words bubbling in my throat were hard to get out.”

“Nik, I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

I started picking at my hands. My vision was becoming blurry, but I refused to let Nikki see. I had to remain strong so I didn’t back down from this decision.

“I can’t keep watching you nearly kill yourself with drugs. I can’t keep finding you high out of your mind and having to take care of you until you’re well enough to shoot up again.”

“What are you saying, (Y/N)?”

I took a deep breath and forced out, “I can’t be friends with you while you’re like this, Nikki. I can’t keep doing this to myself.”

Silence filled the room. I was picking at a hangnail on my thumb until I accidentally made it bleed. I stuck my thumb in my mouth to try and combat the bleeding, which resulted in me finally looking up at Nikki. He was looking at me with sad eyes. I was a little caught off guard by the reaction and felt guilt building inside of me.

“You...you don’t want to be friends anymore?” he asked. “(Y/N), we’ve been friends since we were in diapers. You really want to end all that?”

I nodded. “I have to, Nikki. I can’t do this anymore. This isn’t good for me, and I can’t come to your rescue and worry that I’m going to find you dead permanently.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

“I didn’t think so either, until I walked into a crack house to find you unresponsive and alone.”

“That’s because those idiots left me. That won’t happen again.”

I shook my head. My guilt was quickly being replaced with anger. He wasn’t understanding what I was saying. He wasn’t understanding the severity of the situation I had found him in the night before. He wasn’t going to get clean, he was just thinking about when he could get his next high.

I had to get out of there. I was no longer worried that I would go back on my decision, but rather I was worried of what I might say while angry. I got up from my chair, my body aching from being there for so long, and collected my things to leave.

“So this is it?” Nikki questioned as I headed for the door. “A lifetime of friendship and you’re throwing it away while I’m recovering from a near death experience?”

“Don’t give me that shit, Nikki!” I snapped. “It wouldn’t have been a near experience if it weren’t for me! In fact, there has probably been a number of times I’ve saved your ass. And do I get so much as a ‘thank you, (Y/N)’, ‘I appreciate you, (Y/N)’, ‘I’ll stop taking drugs and nearly killing myself, (Y/N)’?”

“I never asked you to do any of that.”

“No, you didn’t, but I still did. Because I love you. And I can’t watch the man I love killing himself anymore!”

The silence that hung between us was thicker now. I felt a wetness on my cheek as I realized I had finally let the tears start falling. This was exactly what I hadn’t wanted to say, but now it was out there and I couldn’t take it back.

I quickly threw myself out of Nikki’s hospital room. I made a beeline for the elevator, trying to put as much distance between me and that room as I could.

At least admitting my feelings made it easier for him to let me go, I thought to myself.

The sudden sound of hospital machines beeping followed by voices yelling drew my attention back to Nikki’s room. The brunette rock star was trying to shove past the number of hospital staff that was trying to coax him back into his room.

“Sir, you’re still detoxing, you have to go back to your room until the doctor discharges you,” a nurse was saying as she tried to push Nikki back into his room.

“I’ll go back in if she comes with me,” Nikki said, pointing towards me.

I felt my face heat up with embarrassment as the staff looked at me. “Nikki, you have to finish your treatment. Go back in and I’ll come see you when you’re better.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said. “I think if you walk out now that I’ll never see you again, and you can’t leave me after what you just told me.”

It felt like my throat was closing over from trying to hold back the fresh tears welling in my eyes. I managed to choke out, “I can’t.”

Nikki finally managed to break away from the staff trying to restrain him and rushed over to me. Before I could realize what he was doing, his hands were grabbing my face and his lips were on mine. It was far from being the picture perfect kiss you see in romantic comedies. It was rough and almost felt desperate. But it was a kiss, and I couldn’t help but get lost in it because it was something I had been dreaming of for years.

It was broken up when two hospital guards appeared and grabbed Nikki, forcing him away from me and back to his room. He tried to fight against them, but when he saw that I was following them now he stopped and allowed them to put him back in his bed and hook him back up to the machines he had been attached to.

I sat back down in the uncomfortable chair and we were right back to where we had been moments before, as if the last ten minutes hadn’t happened at all.

“So,” I started, “was that...real?”

He gave me a funny look. “How could it not be real?”

“I don’t know, it could’ve just been a tactic to get me to come back into the room.”

Nikki chuckled a little. “You don’t think there’s even the smallest possibility that I did that because I also have feelings for you and I didn’t want you to walk away without me telling you that?”

I shrugged my shoulder, which caused him to laugh again. “You’re so cute.”

It was hard not to smile when he said that, but I quickly wiped the smile from my face. “I still mean what I said, though. This admitting that we have feelings for one another isn’t going to change my mind. If anything, I’m much more firm on my decision that I’m not going to sit around and watch you kill yourself.”

Nikki sighed and nodded his head. “I know. I have a problem, (Y/N). I didn’t want to admit it, but I always knew that I did. I crashed Tommy’s wedding because I was high, I’ve ruined friendships, I almost died. I almost lost you. It’s just not worth it anymore. I can’t keep living like this.”

I moved closer to his bed and took his hand in mine. When his eyes met with mine I felt like my breath was taken away. He was always so handsome, even now when he was being his most vulnerable with me. Especially now that he was being his most vulnerable with me.

“We’ll get you help, Nik,” I told him. “There’s plenty of good rehab facilities you can go to, or you can try and do it on your own without the help of professionals. Either way, I’m going to be by your side every step of your recovery.”

“And when I’m clean, I’m going to do what I should’ve done a very long time ago and I’m going to take you out on a proper date.”

I smiled again at him and said, “It sounds like a deal.”

[daybreak-tkler]

❝Revenge Of The Green Eyed Monster❞

Lee(s): human! band member! Felix

Ler(s): sin of Envy! Hyunjin

Small Synopsis: after living with Felix for a few months, Hyunjin has grown close with the human. Close enough to seek revenge for the ticklish torment he was put through the night he was discovered.

also lil shoutout to @rina-sheep ,, your comment kinda gave me the motivation to blast my way thru this lil sequel piece. Comments and reblogs are always appreciated, anything from "I liked this <3" to "I loved when [blank] happened!" gives me tons of motivation!

This is a sequel to "The Green Eyed Monster" so read that first!

It's the early evening once again. The dusk had just set and Hyunjin was sat at the table in the small kitchen, picking at the cuticles of his nails. His hair was wet after showering and eyes glistening in sage. Felix is in his room again, blasting some sort of chorus to one of their latest songs. It's quite catchy, it has Hyunjin tapping his socked foot against the floor. It makes him jealous, of course. Why couldn't he make songs that good? He gets that it's not just Felix's doing, of course, but he can't help the envy bubbling in the pit of his stomach. He glances at Felix's bedroom door and his jaw tightens. He wants to do something to relieve this envy.

In the few months he's been living with Felix secretly in his apartment, Hyunjin has noticed things about the human that he wouldn't have known before. Felix has the most beautiful laugh, and it's even more beautiful if Hyunjin is the one who causes it. When he isn't the one who causes it... well as expected he gets a little jealous. That, and he also has found more things to be envious of. Felix's junk journal filled with old lyrics his band didn't use, Felix's friends and band mates who don't even know of his existence and Felix's sense of style. It's the simple things that seem so silly but actually aren't that make Hyunjin's blood boil. So as he stares out the window at the moon he makes a decision.

He'd relieve the jealousy with vengeance.

It sounds a lot more intense than it actually is. He's just going to tickle Felix back after going back and forth for months about doing it. That night when they had met properly for the first time lead to a lot of ticklish anguish on Hyunjin's end. So he finally takes the initiative and decides that he wants to get Felix back. Now that they're closer, he has a better idea of where Felix is actually ticklish. Last time he had tried to tickle the male's sides but it hadn't worked out as well as he'd hoped. He's learned since then that past-him was a fool for targeting there first when the young aussie's hips and underarms were where he was really ticklish.

Hyunjin pushes himself up from the table and he quietly tucks the chair back underneath. He's been sleeping on a spare mattress on the floor of Felix's room for the few months he's been here, so he hopes his new roommate just thinks he's going to sleep. Or.... better yet,, maybe Hyunjin could sneak up on him. The loud music must be distracting him enough. The envious sin blinks for a moment before turning himself invisible to the human eye. This revenge plan was perfect. Although, admittedly it is a little silly to sneak into his own bedroom. Felix had demanded that he called it his own, too, since he was staying there.

He sneaks in with no problems, and he can see properly now. Felix was laying down on his stomach over top of his sheets, eyes glued to his phone that was blasting out music as he tapped away at something and cursing to himself for the little spelling mistakes he made. Ah, he must be talking to Chan. Felix looked up to Chan a lot. The small lamp was on and the blinds were already closed. Hyunjin can't help but take a moment to admire Felix's face in the dim light. It's a matter of principal for him, because being jealous of Felix's features was just so easy even though he knew his own attractiveness levels were up there. He gets distracted by looking at Felix's features, so much so he almost misses his opportunity as the human sits up and turns the music off. "Mm, Hyunjin must be done in the shower by now, we should go to sleep," Felix mumbles to himself and Hyunjin's heartbeat picks up for a moment. The aussie cared that much about him? Cute.

Felix's arms stretch high above his head and Hyunjin takes the action as an invitation, delivering a gentle poke to the male's leftmost underarm. It causes a satisfying squeak. "eEk!- whahat was that?" Felix asks in confusion as he looks around his room. Hyunjin knows that Felix is acutely aware that he's in the room. However, using the shock to his advantage, Hyunjin manages to successfully pin the Australian male beneath him. His fingers fly up to Felix's underarms and the boy shrieks "HyunjIIhihiiihin! WhAHAahaat?-" his arms clamp down by his sides in shock. That's when the sin reappears to his eye. "Peekaboo! I got you, Lix!" Hyunjin grins and it causes the other male to giggle. "Cute, if it isn't my favorite green-eyed sin~" he coos.

"I better be the only green-eyed sin you know," he jokes. "Y'know, Yongbokkie," Hyunjin only uses that name when he wants something and Felix knows it. "I've wanted revenge for a little while now and I finally decided today that I would do it,, how's that sound?" The question seems genuine but the two of them know by Hyunjin's tone that it's rhetorical. "And unlike you, I can play dirty,, because I can do this..." The envious male's green eyes shimmer and Felix immediately notices what's wrong. "Ah, you're mean... I can't move my arms!" he squeaks. There was a numbness to them that meant he couldn't move them, so Hyunjin takes advantage of this and moves them up again to rest above his head. "That's right, Lix~ just let me know if this tickles or not.."

And oh, it did tickle. Hyunjin was meaner than Felix was. He ruthlessly but ticklishly scratches the male's armpits with his longish nails. "WhAhaahhahaaaHaha!! Hehehehehey yohohohou're beheheheeing meheheean!!" Felix squawks. Now, Hyunjin wasn't as well-versed in the teasing as Felix seemed to be, but that didn't matter all that much judging by the flush on Felix's cheeks. It was immediately obvious how different they were based on the way they tickled. Felix could be light and teasy whereas it was apparent already that Hyunjin was not. "Heh, this was a good idea, I get to be the cause of this pretty laughter again," Hyunjin grins. It seems his freckled roommate has caught onto his plight of jealousy and attempts to smirk and tease him but the attack against his sensitive pits prevents him from doing so. "PfFT oHohOHOHO gOHOHOD!" The human howls.

Hyunjin didn't stay in one place for very long, his hands fly down to Felix's hips soon after. Squeezing and fluttering his nails over the sensitive skin just after pulling up the other's sleep shirt. "oHohohoh my gohohohohohosh Hyuhuhuuhunjin! Whohohohoho tahahahaaught yohohou to tihihihickle?!" Felix asks in exasperation as his second tickle spot is exploited. Hyunjin merely smirks in response, squeezing a squeal out of Felix before actually replying "Well, I guess I picked up a thing or two from you. Not just when you tickled me but when you got Jeongin a few weeks back and even Changbin," he hums as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

Another thing Hyunjin had learnt, he was quite observant when he wanted to be, was that Felix's knees seemed go be a good tickle spot. None of his friends ever exploited it, but Hyunjin would be darned if he didn't try to. He shifts himself back from sitting on Felix's thighs to sitting at his calves instead. "hh,, hh,, whahaat now?" The human asks, clearly out of breath. That appeared to be another difference between them, Hyunjin had more stamina since he was a demon. That was a piece of information the two would hold onto for later. For now, the sin's hands trail up to Felix's knees, giving one an experimental squeeze with a growing smile at the way the human squeaks in response.

"Did that make you squeak? Like one of those stupid squeaky toys we saw at that store?" Hyunjin asks with a devilish grin as he squeezes the male's knee once more. "eEEHEK, HyUhuhuhunjin oh nOHOHO," the aussie protests. "Awh... does Felix have a "squeeze me and I'll squeak" feature? How cute!" and oh no. It might not have the right tone to it, but Hyunjin was getting there with the teases. If Felix wasn't careful he'd have a powerful ler living with him soon... nah, Hyunjin's a walking tickle spot,, he would nev- "eEEHEHEEK noNONOHO not thEHEERE Hyuhuhuhunjin pleh-pleheheheease!"

Apparently, Hyunjin didn't know what "not there" meant. Because he mercilessly squeezes both knees, sending Felix into ticklish hysteria for a good while. The sin can see he's wearing thin, however, because he heaves deep breaths when Hyunjin pauses just for a moment. "I think I'll stop there, anymore and I might lose you," he mumbles before ruffling Felix's fluffy blonde hair. It seems his magic has worn off because the human's arms flop down by his sides as he still giggles. "Lix?" Hyunjin asks quietly, checking the male is still with him. "Y-Yeah?" oh, good. He was still here. "Want some water?" The sin queries kindly. "Yes,, yes please,, and then cuddle me afterwards,, that was super mean!" Hyunjin chuckles at those words.

"Of course... you're welcome, by the way~"

[winter-soldier-vibes]

hi! request for one where reader struggles w depression a lot but hides it, tho it’s been getting worse recently and only bucky has noticed the small signs. then one night after no one seeing her the whole day or maybe something happened he went to check on her but she wasn’t in her room and he panics only to find her on the roof and just talks her down <3 all the love

Of course! I hope you're okay love❤❤❤. I saw another anon request something a lil similar in my ask box but I can't find it, maybe it got eaten, but I hope you like this!

Word count: 3,400 (ish)

Warnings: suicidal thoughts, depression, close to an attempt, Bucky talks about HYDRA, feelings of worthlessness.

A/N: This deals with very heavy subject matter, please do not read if you are in a dark place. I am here to talk if you want but I encourage you that if you feel this way in ANY way, no matter how severe, to reach out to someone. I also just wanted to say that the way someone talks someone down is never the same, some people may find a different approach more helpful or realistic. I wrote it this way because this is what I feel in my experience would have been helpful to hear. So please, if you don’t think it’s the way someone should talk someone down - please don’t come at me for it.

Overnight

People often don’t notice the small signs. The smiles that don’t reach the eyes, the dark circles from lack of sleep, the laughs that slowly become more forced. People don’t often pick up on those things right away. They happen slowly, as depression will often manifest. It’s rarely ever a flip of a switch shut down, happy one day and sad the net. Anxiety was like that, small things can trigger panic attacks. But with depression, it was this slow ache that grew in your chest, this dull cloud that made everything darker day by day.

These things rarely happen overnight.

You don’t know what caused this episode. You had struggled with depression and would go through some really low episodes before returning to baseline. It was never great, but it was...manageable. Most of the time. Some things could help you predict when you would go into another episode but you felt yourself slipping and you weren’t quite sure why.

You started withdrawing from the team. Subtly, not all at once. That would cause too much concern and the last thing you wanted was to be a burden. Especially with something like this, you didn’t even have an explanation.

It started slow, training on your own, missing team dinners, that sort of thing. If they were going out to celebrate or staying in for a movie you would slip away to your room where you didn’t have to worry about hiding it.

You didn’t want to be alone, you already felt so goddamn lonely. But somehow being lonely and surrounded by people who loved you hurt more.

The team chalked it up to you wanting to be alone, a bad day, being tired, etc. Whatever recycled excuse you gave them didn’t phase them. At least, not at first.

See, people who have experienced similar things will pick up in the small signs that others show. Someone who knows what anxiety is like will often be the first to pick up on nervous habits and tics. Often people notice when someone’s energy is coming from adrenaline and caffeine rather than sleep when they’ve done the same thing. Someone who knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and not want to reach out - they notice the small signs of withdrawing.

He noticed pretty early on the change in your demeanor. You had always been one to keep to yourself but this was different. You always seemed exhausted in a way that sleep couldn’t ever fix. Your laugh wasn’t quite the way it used to be, now forced and short, not the usual bubbly laugh it was.

Most people are able to just live and go about daily functions - eating, sleeping - it just came naturally to them. Surviving was natural to them. But it seemed like you had to put thought and effort into surviving.

Which, you were.

Slowly it became hard to motivate yourself to do the basic things to take care of yourself. You would do the bare minimum because you had to, but even that was starting to take more effort than it should. You were eating less because you just weren’t that hungry, but you still did because you knew if you didn’t you’d get sick eventually. You spent as much time in your bed as possible, but not much of it was sleeping.

Bucky picked up on these things and came up to talk to you about them, but you’d smile and shake your head.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a little tired I guess.”

You weren’t lying, you were tired - emotionally more than physically.

Tired of more than what the day brought - tired of yourself, of your emotions. Tired of the way you felt so out of touch with yourself, out of control. Tired of how you wanted to get better but no matter what you did, it still came back. You were so tired of being exhausted all the time and there was nothing you could do about it.

You were tired of living this way.

You weren’t necessarily suicidal, it wasn’t that you didn’t want to live. You just didn’t want to live this life, not like this. You were so utterly exhausted day in and day out, every day was about getting to the end of it. Everything seemed pointless and you felt like you were watching life go by but you weren’t living it.

You were surviving. And you didn’t see much of a point to it anymore.

Your mask was cracking. And people were noticing.

Maybe it was when you were falling asleep during mission briefings, or nearly passing out in training because you had forgotten to eat. Maybe it was how no one saw you anywhere that wasn’t necessary. The team passed it off as a bad day or week, something you would get over because you were strong.

But apparently not the strong that you needed to be. You could fight off agents, assassins, you could run for miles. But you couldn’t stop your mind from telling you that life was pointless and you were a waste of space. But the team wrote it off as a bad week. But Bucky knew that this had been going on for much longer than a week.

These things rarely happen overnight.

Too many people were asking you if you were okay, and you weren’t, but you didn’t know how to say it. But you thought that if you had to choke out one more “I’m fine,” you would shatter. And you weren’t ready for everyone to see that.

You stopped coming out of your room unless it was for the bare necessities. You would come out at night for water and food, picking at it in your room so that no one would see you.

But that only made Bucky worry more.

The team, again, wrote it off as you needing some “Alone time” because maybe you just had a “bad day”. Of course they worried about you but they thought that if things were bad, or if there was something you needed help with, you would speak up. Because that’s what you did.

But Bucky was worried. He knew that when someone pushes people away, they may think being alone will help, but it only makes it worse. You may not want to talk to anyone, you may think being alone is what’s best. But it rarely is.

Being alone makes it harder to fight your demons. They can run rampant when given the chance. Being alone is the darkest and loneliest hell, and he knew that all too well.

He wasn’t going to leave you alone in that.

He came up to your room one night, wanting to check on you. He knocked on your door, being met with silence. He knocked again, calling your name, but was again met with silence. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked, opening the door to an empty room.

Where the hell were you?

You weren’t anywhere else in the tower, so where were you?

Bucky stood there for a moment, confused before he remembered the AI system. “F.R.I.D.A.Y.Where's y/n?”

“I believe that they were heading up to the rooftop about a half-hour ago.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as he sprinted out the hallway and towards the stairs.

---

You looked out over the street, arms crossed over your shivering body. For now, you just looked down at the city below. You chuckled bitterly to yourself. There must have been thousands of people down there, thousands of lives, and you wondered how many people felt the way you did right now. So much hustle and bustle, things to do and places to be. You didn’t know a single person down there, it was just a blur of movement. Yet they all had their own personal stories and hells and blessings and shit that made them who they were.

You wondered how many of them pretended like they were fine.

You were standing closer to the edge than you should’ve been. You weren’t doing yourself any favors. You really shouldn’t be up here, but you didn’t know what else to do. Everything hurt all the time and it was just getting worse. You didn’t know whether or not you were gonna jump but here you were, teetering on the edge. Because no matter how much this hurt you still couldn’t bring yourself to fall forward.

You were scared.

You felt tears sting your eyes, angry, exhausted, everything - you couldn’t do anything right anymore, you felt no purpose, you were tired and scared all of the time. You felt so utterly done with everything, yet here you were with a way out and you were too scared of that too.

You were trapped in your body, trapped in your life, and while you didn’t want to die, you didn’t want it to hurt anymore. It wasn’t that you had nothing to live for. It wasn’t that you had nothing left. You knew you did, you knew the team was there for you. You had more support than you could ever need. But you didn’t know how to use them.

You didn’t even know how this happened. How did things get this bad? You remembered when you were happy, the person you used to be. The person everyone still seemed to think you were. Where did they go? What happened to them? And would you ever be able to be that person again?

Did it even matter? Would anyone even care or notice? They did a great job at ignoring what had been happening. Not that you wanted them to find out in the first place. It was so confusing, you wanted to scream for help, you wanted someone to just fucking notice or something. But didn’t you also answer every single “Are you okay?” with "Oh yeah I’m fine, just a little tired.”

So did you truly want them to know? Did you actually want them to notice or help?

You closed your eyes tightly, shaking your head a little to yourself. It was all so confusing, so frustrating. You didn’t know what to do. You felt completely trapped within yourself.

These things rarely happen overnight. And they never get better overnight either.

You took a breath as you looked down, toes slightly off of the ledge. One step or losing your balance would be all it would take. And then it would be over. Forever. It wouldn’t hurt anymore.

“Y/n?” you heard a calm, albeit nervous voice speak from behind you.

You felt your breath catch in your throat. As you squeezed your eyes shut. “No,” you whispered to yourself.

“Y/n, can you come down from there?”

“Why are you here?” you asked, voice strained with pain.

“Because I’m worried about you,” he said, voice sounding closer.

“I don’t want you to be worried about me! I never wanted anyone to worry about me!” you exclaimed.

“And where did not talking about what was bothering you get you?”

“No one would ever have to worry about me again. Not anymore.”

“No one on the team would ever be able to stop thinking about you,” Bucky started, walking closer to you. He spoke gently, worried he would scare you or you would suddenly jump off. “About how we should’ve worried about you. Everyone would blame themselves and ask themselves if they could’ve helped you if they had seen you were hurting.”

You heard his footsteps stop.

“This isn’t going to solve anything.”

You took a shaky breath. “What else am I supposed to do, huh?” you turned around, back facing the streets below as Bucky stood a few feet in front of you. “Pretend like this is gonna get better? Because it isn’t. I’m so sick and tired of pretending like one day everything’s gonna be okay again. It never stops hurting, it never turns off, and I can’t do it anymore!” you yelled, tears streaming down your face. You shook your head. “I know this won’t solve jack shit and it probably makes me weak, but I’m okay with that. Because I’m past the point of wanting to solve anything. I just want it to stop! Is that too much to ask?!”

“It is if your life is the price!” Bucky exclaimed. “We can’t lose you. You’re a part of this team - this family,” he said a little more calmly, trying to keep his own tears at bay. No one should go through feeling so hopeless, and you were one of the kindest people he knew.

But some of the most kind-hearted people are the meanest people to themselves.

“I’m not here to judge you or try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m not gonna tell you life is all beauty and grace because it isn’t. It’s okay to be in pain but this is not the way to fix it. I just wanna help you.”

You shook your head. “No one can help me.”

“At least let me try,” he said gently.

“You don’t understand okay? It never stops hurting,” you said, voice cracking slightly. “It always hurts and it's this ache in my chest and I feel like I’m suffocating. No one told me that life was going to hurt, no one fucking told me! They say life isn’t fair, or that life may sometimes bring you down, but they never said that existing would be torture. And I don’t want to keep living if it’s going to hurt this much.”

You saw Bucky’s face fall and you shook your head. “Please just go - You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather see you at your worst than not see you at all,” he said. “You don’t have to do this yourself. I know it may seem like you do but you don’t. You never had to, and you never will have to. You have me, us, the team - we’re all here for you but we can’t if you don’t let us. But I’m not leaving you. You’ve been alone for too long already.”

You felt a new lump in your throat, feeling overwhelmed. Trapped between death and your worst nightmare. You never wanted to be vulnerable, you never wanted to hurt anyone with your own pain. But hearing Bucky’s words, seeing the panic in his eyes -

You had already hurt him. And he was right - killing yourself was only going to hurt the team more.

But it just hurt so much.

You had heard it so many times - “think about the impact you’ll have on those you love”, or how “suicide is selfish” and shit - made you feel like a horrible person. Because you did care about everyone, you cared too much. And it wasn’t that you didn’t care about hurting them with your decision - it was just that the pain of staying alive began outweighing the fear of hurting those you loved.

And it was torture.

You wanted to say everything that was on your mind - scream and cry and curse the universe, you wanted to break something, you wanted to be hugged, held, and told it would be okay - you wanted to get everything out.

You didn’t want to be alone anymore.

You’ve been alone for too long already.

You let out a broken sob, knees going weak as Bucky caught you and pulled you into his chest, away from the edge.

“I don’t want to do this anymore,” you said between sobs.

“I know you don’t, I know,” Bucky said, holding you tightly as if he feared you would disappear if he let you go.

Sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt me was utter bullshit. Because the next words that came out of your mouth hurt Bucky more than anything HYDRA had done to him.

“Please just let me die. Why won’t you let me die? I just wanna die, please just let this be over.”

People didn’t realize what depression could do to a person. Someone who was full of life could end up like this. You don’t know what went wrong or when it happened, but you just felt absolutely broken inside. The kind of broken that can’t be fixed.

Bucky felt his heart shatter, tears falling down his own cheeks at how hopeless you had sounded. He had never been overly close with you, but you were always kind to everyone on the team. And the team had failed you by not noticing sooner.

“I’m gonna bring you inside okay?” Bucky said. You didn’t hear him, crying so hard that you couldn’t focus on anything else. He picked you up, carrying you back into the tower. Bucky brought you back to your room, sitting down on your bed with you. He rubbed a hand up and down your back, holding you tightly as he tried to help you calm down.

Exhaustion overtook you, your body becoming worn out from all of the crying and emotions. You never let your guard down like that in front of anyone, and shame began to overtake you.

“I - I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have seen that I’m so so sorry -”

“Don’t,” he started. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“No one was supposed to know,” you whispered.

“Why not? What’s so bad about asking for help?”

You paused for a moment, unsure exactly why. “I don’t know - I just feel really weak sometimes?” you said, more of a question to yourself. “Like I know everyone needs help and shit but I didn’t have a reason to need it. It hurts but I don’t know why, I cry when I’m not sad, I just - I’m not in control of myself and I don’t know why and if I can’t explain it to myself then how am I supposed to talk to anyone about it?”

“That makes more sense than you think. All of us on the team, we all go through shit. We see so many horrible things, we’ve been through so many things. We all have something. You have this. It’s okay if you don’t know why you feel the way you do but hurting yourself isn’t going to help anything.”

“I know what it’s like, wanting a way out,” Bucky said and you immediately knew what he was talking about. “Days that I wished Pierce or Rumlolw or whoever would just finish me rather than punish me over and over. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, I just wanted it to stop.”

You looked at him. “I know. But what I didn’t know then was that it would end. I never thought it could ever end or that it would ever end, but it did. And if I had died back then I would’ve died only knowing that pain. I wouldn’t have known that it could get better or that it would. And I’m not saying everything is perfect now because it’s not. But it’s better than it was. Okay?”

You nodded, fresh tears spilling out of your eyes. You knew the torture that Bucky went through, everyone on the team did. It had taken him a long time to speak about it on his own and move through it. But he did.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” you said.

“Talking about it, getting it out is a great start. Talking about it never hurt anyone.” When you seemed a little apprehensive, Bucky added, “I felt alone for so long. Battling these thoughts and memories in my head. They never stopped. But when I started talking about it with someone, and they helped me work through it - I don’t know. It helped me a lot. It wasn’t just me and my thoughts anymore. I wasn’t alone.”

I wasn’t alone

“You don’t have to be alone anymore. I’m not going anywhere. Whether you like it or not I’m gonna be right here with you

These things rarely get better overnight. But maybe with someone else, they could get better a little bit quicker.

You gave a small nod. “Okay.”

---

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @thatfangirl42 @im-sick-of-failing @sup--ernova @peggycarter-steverogers @bucks-bunny @barnesplums @mardema @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @strawberrimae @broadwaybabe18 @sokovianheadtilt @daydreaming-lightly @onyourgoddamnleft @arkhamasylumresident

be added to my tag list!

main masterlist