#i literally psychoanalyze everything its fine

[psycheofaphaggot]

stupid rant dont mind me.

its almost definitely the autism in me, but oh my god if theres one thing i hate its when people misunderstand characters or situations in media. i don’t know what it is but it just angers me to no end.

i don’t expect everyone to be a huge psychology nerd like me, or to even be interested in seeing all possible sides to a situation. but its just…you really cannot make an informed decision, or even have an opinion on certain things without the right information. humans are multi-facted, and if you’re dealing with actual complex media that showcases this, you need to make sure you fully understand something (or someone) to have a valid take.

maybe im too critical, but honestly imo this goes for real life as well.

i mean it’s perfectly fine to have a negative opinion on anything, feelings are valid regardless of what caused them. but jesus christ. isn’t it better to know all of the facts first? even if it doesn’t change your opinion?

its just so annoying i don’t even have the words for it.

anyways, rant over. byebye

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

i think one of my professors has realized that many of the students he teaches think he's a bit of a hardass. i feel so bad. he's genuinely such a sweetheart. he's spent the last two classes dropping comments like "please don't think i'm a sadist. if you're doing this project and thinking 'this is inhumane, but you know Dr. M', please, just come talk to me." like wtf i need to give a speech about how great a guy he is???? i genuinely need to give a persuasive speech about how fun his classes are??? like he's a pain at times and a tough grader but look at me. look at me. he's so reasonable. he has high expectations for everybody evenly. I got a 78 on a final that i thought i absolutely flunked okay? he's reasonable and he's funny in the driest way! it's not nice for people to think he's MEAN. he's not!!! he's just an awkward english professor!!!! be NICE to him FROM NOW ON!!!!

[coern]

oh this is awful. and also a really good character point write that down Write That Shit Down

[seat-safety-switch]

There's two reasons to do a cross-brand engine swap: because you're cheap, or because you're filled with spite. I am, of course, both. For years, forum people have become enraged from literally any prospect of putting a Dodge motor in a Chevy, or vice versa. Such an act is sacrilege. It taints the noble purity of the Chevrolet race, and its meticulous assembly by a group of guys who were high as hell on synthetic drugs and kept forgetting which way to bolt the windshield on. I really like making those folks, in particular, very mad.

To leverage my disgusting amounts of knowledge about everything automotive in the pursuit of "those things probably shouldn't go together" is basically the pinnacle of excitement. Why not jam a Rolls-Royce geared high-bypass turbofan from a 747 into a Jaguar XJ6? Does it even fit? How long can you run it for before it snaps your tack-welded motor mounts off the frame and starts flying down the expressway, clobbering Bronco Sports and blasting tollbooths into a fine mist of wood powder?

Of course, as with everything else in my life, I have to be pragmatic. What really drives me to do these swaps is the fact that I have a large collection of motors lying around, and I don't care too much what it says on the valve cover before underhand-lobbing it into the nightmare project that I need to drive to work tomorrow. Making people mad is just a bonus, even if it is a really good one. Soviet diesel engine it is. I'll run it on kerosene, that'll really show Diesel Ivan at the gas station.

Does the average person care, though? Does it impress them? No. I stopped explaining myself to them years ago. They don't think it's weird at all that a Plymouth could hold a Ford engine. In fact, they are surprised that it was ever the opposite case. They're just engines, right? Plymouth got them from the engine store, same as Ford.

In fact, the more we talk about this competition-of-swaps, the stranger it seems to my rational side that I have embarked upon a campaign of harassing the very same folks who could empathize with my odd hobby the most. Just don't ask a professional to psychoanalyze me. Those folks get real competitive when they find a weird thinkin' problem, too, and then I have to crawl out of my therapist's office while they exchange gunfire before I can get to my car and escape. Good reason to swap in a faster engine, come to think of it.

[crimeronan]

crucial notes:

after getting through with blaming nova for everything, devin begins blaming the general universe and also whatever god stuck him in the abyssal void pit. then decides to just stay there for a while. good snoozing zone.

sol eventually concludes that she should stop focusing on nova because it's making her sound obsessive. after 500 years. i truly do not know how much longer it would take for self-reflection to occur. as far as i'm concerned she's still there

nova is very clearly parroting someone or multiple someones when she lists her many issues and character flaws. she also clearly does not believe these are real problems but whatever, if people wanna be dramatic and complain about everything for no reason that's fine!! she's not offended!! >:( it's FINE!! >:(((

ruby tries to distract the void god MOSTLY because she genuinely believes she can talk anyone out of anything. in fairness she's often right. as the conversation progresses though it becomes increasingly more and more clear that she's trying to sidestep the introspection thing by cheating

[fructidors]

pt 3!! (pt 2)

si je defaille: yet another weber family song that absolutely did not have to do so much and still does !!! however the lighting mostly stays the same throughout which is a shame since it's so cool just look at it

you know maybe this whole musical's just one two-hour-long Cotton Candy Moment now that i think about it

si je defaille is also home to one of my favorite lighting moments in the whole show:

it's a lot more effective with music, as it's on beat, but ohhh i love it so much. yeah wave that handkerchief girlboss !!! the spot work in this entire song is top-notch tbh

and of course, another perfect example of the entire mood of the scene changing in literal seconds:

le bien qui fait mal: ok. hi. i had a hard time coming up with coherent things to say about this one since it is. one hell of a song. and it's kind of hard to focus on technical things considering. everything else happening onstage. BUT I TRIED OK

firstly some appreciation for the scene before lbqfm esp salieri being lit all in blue (sorry for my cursor in that gif i am. so bad at this)

perhaps one of the best transitions of the show???

Red But Now It's Not Bad, It's,,,, Sex? idk i'm very ace please don't make me psychoanalyze this

anmyways i think my favorite thing about the lighting in this song is its color scheme, the juxaposition between the red and the green/blue

also!! mozart is usually lit in the opposite color from the stage and it's so cool but there are no closeups in the proshot so we will all just have to imagine how it looks up close

lastly, the transition out as always and a rare Yellow Mozart Moment

les solos sur les draps: the lighting in this one is not super complex or important to the staging, but i'm fine with it since i think we all needed a breather after le bien qui fait mal

the Father does get a dramatic moment

still obsessed with this moment though (not lighting but i left in the mozart wave because it's my favorite part of the song)

l'assassymphonie: l'assassymphonie i love you i love you but. this was the only lighting in the show i was actually disappointed by :(

it's such a spectacular and emotional song. and the lighting is just kind of. red stage with a spot on salieri for the majority of the song?? in the proshots the song doesn't really lose any of its emotional weight because you get all the closeups of salieri but i cannot imagine this song hits the same from the back row of the theater like, for example, je dors sur les roses probably would. i feel like it really could have benefited from just switching up the angle, tone, intensity or color of the light on salieri more often? or maybe just changing the way the stage is lit as the song evolves? it does still have some really cool moments though-- i love the moving curtain towards the end of the song, i just wish there were more elements like that throughout?

also the transition into vive les noces de figaro is awesome and honestly kind of makes up for it

dors mon ange: ok if that didn't make up for it this does i love this lighting so so so much

like. the spotty lights. the Bad Things Red. the candles. i don't know what that trapezoid is but i would give my life for it

also mozart still has his infallible neon pink energy even when his literal death is being fortold what a goddamn icon

victime de ma victoire: what's this ???? a Cotton Candy Salieri Moment ????

though. what if it's just bisexual lighting. what if the real Cotton Candy Moments were just bisexual lighting all along? mozart l'opera rock always asking the important questions

i need a whole new part for vivre à en crever that's how normal i am about it

[strwbrymlkshake]

THE TORMENT OF TRYING TO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO SHOWS YOU COMMON DECENCY. HELP

[gumdecay]

.

[k-s-morgan]

“He’s telling Hannibal that he has nowhere to run anymore because he sees himself for who he is and he can no longer deny it.” I love this line. Do you think Will secretly resents Hannibal for being the only person who understands him or does he accept it?

I think it thrills and scares Will. From the start, he was drawn to Hannibal exactly because of this understanding: he’s used to people not liking and not accepting him, and that’s why he’s hostile to Hannibal at first. 

Will’s first conversation with Hannibal speaks volumes about who he is because Hannibal senses it seconds after meeting him.

Hannibal: Do you have trouble with taste?

Will: My thoughts are often not tasty.

Hannibal: Nor mine. No effective barriers.

Will: I make forts.

This exchange has Will confess that his thoughts are often dark and that he dislikes it. To hold this darkness at bay, he literally builds forts around it, not letting it spread to other parts of his mind.

Hannibal: Your values and decency are present yet shocked at your associations, appalled at your dreams. No forts in the bone arena of your skull for things you love.

Hannibal almost directly calls Will out on his struggle with his inner darkness. He’s saying that he sees it, that he knows it’s there, in Will, in his mind, and Will is very disturbed by this — because Hannibal is right. The script even explicitly backs it up:

Hannibal has just described Will Graham to a letter.

Will is immediately wary and hostile, and he ends the conversation with snappy,

Will: Please don’t psychoanalyze me. You won’t like me when I’m psychoanalyzed.

Will assumes that Hannibal is a typical psychiatrist who wants to dissect him, so he says that once it happens, Hannibal won’t like what he finds (darkness and ugliness Will carries inside).

His hostility to Hannibal lasts up until the moment when Hannibal acknowledges him as a predator and shows approval of it. Hannibal tries to subtly tell him that it’s all right to be who he is, hinting that they are the same.

Hannibal: You and I are just alike. Problem free. Nothing about us to feel horrible about.

He’s obviously talking about their darkness, but Will doesn’t react, so Hannibal continues. He tells him that Jack views him as a fragile tea cup, and Will genuinely laughs, amused by this (which is also very telling). Then Hannibal says:

Hannibal: [I see you as the] mongoose I want under the house when the snakes slither by.

Will grows quiet after this, and then his interactions with Hannibal become much more relaxed. Will takes him to search the property and even bothers to explain how they reached their conclusions and what they are about to do. Him grumbling, “What are you smiling at?” shows a much higher level of familiarity they now share. Something in Hannibal’s words made Will open up a bit, and everything indicates that it’s the acknowledgement of his predatory nature that played its part in it.

After Will killed Hobbs, Jack becomes worried about him. He makes Will go visit Hannibal for one-time evaluation. Will is naturally not fond of the idea, but he and Hannibal have a pretty personal talk. Hannibal ends it with an even more explicit hint at Will’s own darkness:

Hannibal: And Will… the mirrors in your mind can reflect the best of yourself, not the worst of someone else.

Hannibal is talking about Will’s personal brand of violence again. He’s trying to tell him that it’s fine to be a murderer in every way he can, that Will’s darkness might be the best part of him. He also gives him a fake official approval to work in the field, showing that Will can trust him. But their obligatory session ends and Will leaves — only to return after he tries to kill Stammets and misses. 

This is another big step. The way Hannibal speaks and encourages him made Will go back to him on his own volition, and his reliance on Hannibal grows set in stone after their next conversation.  

Will: I liked killing Hobbs.

Hannibal is pleased to receive the confirmation of what he sensed in Will. Seeing that Will is terrified about his own confession, he comforts him.

Hannibal: Killing must feel good to God, too. He does it all the time, and are we not created in his image?

Every sane person would have run for the hills after hearing this. Hannibal literally justifies the fact that Will liked murder by drawing a parallel with God. That’s such a narcissistic, serial killer thing to do, and yet Will welcomes it with open arms. He’s happy to find someone who doesn’t think he’s a monster — he’s relieved to be able to finally discuss his darkest impulses freely. This is the reason why Will started coming back to see Hannibal on a constant basis, to Jack’s surprise.

The resentment comes later, when Will learns that Hannibal is a killer who set him up. This tarnished the closeness between them in his mind. It’s also an unpleasant reminder that he’s not normal, after all, because the only person to understand and accept him is a murderer. Will is afraid of what it says about him; he’s afraid of what it means that he wants to be with Hannibal regardless of everything and that he misses his company.

But he works through these fears and faces another conflict: that of what he actually means to Hannibal. (Spoiler - he means everything.)   

[darthkruge]

Hello! I'm kinda new to the whole tumblr thing so sorry if this request is bad but I was wondering if maybe you could do an imagine for spencer reid where the reader is Garcia's younger sister and Garcia brings her in to meet the team because it's her first day there. Maybe Reid recognizes her from somewhere and he will not leet it go until he finds out how he knows her? Btw it's totally fine if you don't get to this! :)

Spencer Reid x Reader ~ Piano

Summary: When a new agent joins the BAU, Spencer knows he’s seen them before but literally cannot figure out where. His memory having never failed him before, he doesn’t rest until he figures it out.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral! Reader; Penelope Garcia x Sibling! Reader

Words: 1973

Warnings: A little bit of language, I think that’s all?

A/N: Hey anon!! First off, don’t worry, love! I’m honestly new to this whole tumblr thing too, but I loved this request! I’m sorry I didn’t get to it sooner, life’s been a bit hectic. I made it so the reader is Garcia’s younger sibling instead of sister, I hope you don’t mind. I’m going to try to make writing as gender neutral as possible moving forward. Nothing against you, of course, I know I haven’t specified in past requests and I couldn’t have expected you to know, so don’t worry! That being said, sorry for rambling and I hope you like it :)

(gif isn’t mine)

“Hello, everyone! I want you to meet the youngest of the wonderful Garcia children!” Penelope led you into the BAU where you waved a bit stiffly. You weren’t a huge fan of being the center of attention, but you knew your sister loved these introductions.

Looking around, you pieced together the people you knew from Penelope’s stories. You recognized Derek immediately. You assumed from his professional stance that the taller and older dark haired man was Hotch. Logically, that meant Rossi was next to him. And Emily and JJ were the two women, smiling and waving at you encouragingly. You smiled a bit broader, immediately sensing you would be fast friends with them. Finally, your eyes landed on what had to be Spencer. You thought he was quite attractive and, from Penelope’s descriptions, he was also amazing, talented, kind, smart, basically everything you liked. You waved at him but noticed he was almost studying you? You weren’t sure, but felt a bit awkward, confused as to why he seemed friendly to everyone else but wouldn’t even smile at you.

“Umm, hi!” You said, laughing nervously and kind of hoping to disappear. Hotch sensed your discomfort and offered you a kind smile before putting you out of your misery.

“Welcome to the team, L/N. Garcia’s told us wonderful things about you. That being said, we’re just closing up tonight, so you could finish up your paperwork finalizing your transfer into the BAU if you haven’t already and then come in for your first day tomorrow?”

“Okay, thank you, Sir.”

“Goodnight, team”

Everyone echoed the “Goodnight” before filing out of the room. You got into the car with your sister and pulled out of the BAU, reflecting on your past and thinking about the next chapter of your life.

After almost everyone else had left, Spencer was still at his desk, thinking. The certified genius, was, for once, completely at a loss. He couldn’t figure it out. Where had he seen you before? He was currently in the process of mapping out every place he’d gone to over the last few months. Every restaurant, every film festival, every face he saw in passing at crosswalks, through car windows, at coffee stands, and, still, nothing.

“Woah, Pretty Boy, slow down! What’s got you so riled up?” Derek says, walking over to where Spencer was hunched over his notebook, furiously writing.

“I can’t figure it out, I know we’ve met before or I’ve seen them before or something. I just,” Spencer put his head in his hands, eyes starting to burn a bit from the strain of writing and concentrating for so long, “I just know it”

“Seen who before?”

“Y/N, the new agent. They’re so familiar, but for some reason I just can’t figure it out”

“Ohh! Garcia’s their sister, right?”

Spencer nodded and Derek came behind him, seeing the messy timeline and pages of notes scattered around the agent.

“Are you sure you’ve seen them? I mean, we see lots of people on the job. You could have just seen someone who looked like them, you know? And come on, Reid, your memory is, like, insane . If you’d met, you’d have remembered”

“I know, that’s what’s got me so messed up.” Spencer sighed.

“Take a rest, kid. It’s late, get back to it tomorrow. Maybe they’ll visit you in your dreams…” Derek said, wiggling his eyebrows and laughing as he walked away.

Spencer laughed, hoping Derek was right. He’d do anything to get more time with you, even if it was in his subconscious. Honestly, he felt a bit bad. He’d been so caught up in figuring how he knew you that he’d kind of forgotten to actually talk to you. Normally, he’d have caught a new recruit before they left, but he didn’t get the chance with you. After packing up, Spencer went home and continued his search with you on the forefront of his mind.

Meanwhile, you had just gotten back to your sister’s apartment. You had your own place but you were new to the team and felt a bit lonely. Mentally, you didn’t want to be alone at home, too.

“Hey, Pen, what’s up with Reid?” You asked. You were confused, you knew he was quiet but he seemed to be actively ignoring you. Even stranger, you caught him intensely staring at you, as if he was trying to figure something out.

“He’s just shy, Y/N. But he’ll warm up to you, don’t worry! Honestly, I think the both of you would be a pretty good match. If you want, I can do some of my famous matchmaking!”

“Please, noooooo,” You groaned, dragging out the word.

“Come on! I’m great at it!”

“No! Remember last time? I ended up on a blind date with a guy who, within the first three minutes, told me he liked me because he saw similarities between me and his parents!! Then, he proceeded to detail their divorce for the next 45 minutes!”

Penelope was laughing hysterically, “I mean, you did say you liked emotionally available people!”

You grabbed a pillow and threw it at her head, dying in your own fit of laughter.

“Alright, that’s it, I’m going to bed. I can’t be conscious in the same house as you anymore” You say, smiling and jokingly flipping your sister off as you walk away and into the guest room.

Naturally, she returned the gesture.

When Spencer arrived at work the next morning, his eyes were bloodshot, hair was sticking up in a million different directions, and clothes were exceptionally disheveled. Anyone else and you would have thought they had a really bad (or great) one-night stand. Although you weren’t close with him, you just didn’t see him being that type of guy. You laughed a bit as he grimaced, taking a sip of what looked like extremely bitter coffee.

Deciding to try and break the ice, you went over to him. “Long night?”

Spencer’s head shot up. “Uh, yeah, I guess you could say that” He said, laughing a bit.

You smiled. Even though he was awkward, you felt at ease in his company. “I get that, I’ve had a few long nights myself. I love the job, don’t get me wrong, but the way the BAU runs is different from anything else I’ve ever dealt with.”

“Yeah. It can be a bit of an adjustment, but you’ll be fine. You’re doing great. I mean, you arrived early, so I can already assume you’re organized. And your desk is a little messy, leading me to believe you’re a creative person. Your handwriting is quite slanted, too. I recognized it from your entry forms. Did you know that’s a sign of high intelligence? Because your thoughts are moving so quickly, your hand can’t keep up in the “perfect” way, so the letters normally slant and become more sloppy.”

You were mesmerized by him. You could watch him talk for hours, truly. Sure, he wasn’t always graceful, but he was so passionate about everything he talked about. You loved listening to people talk about what they love. The way their eyes light up, it makes the energy surrounding them contagious.

Realizing he had just psychoanalyzed you without permission, Spencer looked at your sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to profile you. It’s sometimes hard to shut off, especially around new people.”

“I get that. It’s okay, I don’t mind.” You said, nodding knowingly.

As you said that, Spencer figured it out. He remembered one time visiting his mother in Vegas and hearing you say those exact words. You were playing the piano, talking to a patient who had just accidentally spilled some water on your sheet music as they took their medicine. “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I was in need of new music, anyway” You had responded, laughing. He was surprised he didn’t immediately recognize you, the beautiful and talented person he’d seen that day. But, it did make sense, in a way. Spencer’s memory is always at its highest and weakest when he’s with his mother. He can remember each of their conversations, verbatim, but everything else fades.

“Spencer? You alright?” He had been kind of spacing out for a few moments and you were afraid you did something wrong.

His attention came back to you and he smiled again, brighter this time. “You play piano.” He stated.

Your breath caught and you let out a small laugh, extremely confused. “Uhh, yeah, I do. I’m sure you’re great, but that seems extreme even for you, Mr. Profiler”

Spencer laughed. “No! I didn’t profile you, I just, I remember you. Las Vegas, March 12th, Psychiatric Hospital, you were playing piano. A patient spilled water on you. I remember you.”

“Oh, right! Ms. Owens! She’s lovely. You were there that day? Well, either that or you just gave yourself up as a damn good stalker”

“No, no, not that,” He said, a shy smile playing on his lips, “My mother’s a patient there, Diana Reid? I’m not sure if you know her.”

“Yeah! She’s quite a character. I always enjoyed playing on days Diana was there.” You reminisced for a second, lost in the memory.

“Were you visiting someone there, too?” He said, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Not exactly. My grandfather was a patient before he passed. He taught me how to play and I kind of just asked the staff if I could volunteer and continue to after he left. They were kind enough to let me. I mean, he always encouraged me to perform and I thought it was a nice way to honor his memory. A few months later I heard from Penelope that there was an opening at the BAU. I moved out, and, well, here I am.” You gestured to yourself, slightly embarrassed after you realized you might have overshared.

Spencer caught onto this, however, and quickly reassured you. “That’s amazing, Y/N. You were amazing when I heard you. I wish I could have heard you play again.”

“Thank you, that’s really sweet, Spencer.” You said, resting your hand atop his, a blush forming in his cheeks at the touch.

“Um, if you don’t have plans. I mean, not to assume you don’t have plans, just if you, you know, happen to not be busy, would you want to maybe get dinner sometime? You don’t have to, of course! I wouldn’t be offended! I just kind of want to get to know you more. If that’s alright with you.” He trailed off, not making eye contact and playing with the buttons on his shirt a bit as he awaited your answer.

Deciding to be bold, you gently turned his face to meet yours and smiled. “I would love to. Tomorrow, pick me up at 8:00?”

“Yeah! Here’s my number, text me your address?”

You smiled and nodded, taking his phone. He took the moment to just look at you. You were truly one of the most breathtaking people he’d ever met. He couldn’t believe he’d just gotten you to agree to go out with him. Even so, he wouldn’t question it. If something in the universe gave this to him, he wouldn’t risk it for a second.

You placed a gentle kiss on his cheek as you slipped the phone back into his hand. As you pulled away, Spencer cupped your cheek and pulled you back in for a kiss. His lips tasted sweet and soft and a sense of serenity washed over you as you stood in the middle of the BAU, kissing him. Everything faded away and quickly came into focus again as he pulled away, far too soon for your liking.

“More of that tomorrow” He whispered, his forehead resting against yours.

You smiled, “That’s fine by me.”

~requests are open~

[vaniri]

Helping hand [Johnny Silverhand x V]

On their way home from Clouds, Johnny decides to end V’s life. Or help her, she is not sure anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Contains all the good stuff: fingering, a bit of dirty talk (at least until V tells Johnny to shut up), Johnny being Johnny™, and public embarrassment. Does not contain: plot. Who needs that?

18+ only, obviously

As always, HUGE THANKS and I LOVE YOU to @ugh-my-back​ for helping me out with this little creation and doing the beta 🥺❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

______________________________________________________

Johnny felt almost sorry for that pathetic piece of unfortunate shit he’d been involuntarily attached to. She had a simple task – go to a brothel, get the information she needed, get laid because that’s why you go to establishments of that kind, and leave. And literally nothing went according to plan: she didn’t learn much, got fucking psychoanalyzed instead of laid, and was shot at on her way out because she had to sniff around, having the sneaking skills of a drunk teenager. Only V could have that luck.

“I said that getting off was waiting for you in Clouds? I take it back.” He mocked her, materializing in the passenger seat of her car. “Was almost right about getting offed, though.”

“Please shut up and go back to pretending you don’t exist.” Tired and exasperated after what she’d been through, she didn’t even shoot him a glance, trying to focus on the road.

“I left you there for five minutes, so you could get shagged in peace, and not only did you fuck that up but also wound up in a shooting turned massacre. You should have just fucked that doll and bailed, like any normal person would."

"We weren't there to fuck anyone, remember?"

"Yeah, and we should be. You should be. Tell me, V, is your cunt sealed with cobwebs already? Because I scoured your memories, out of boredom, and it’s been a long, loooong while since you had some action there."

“Asshole.”

“Yeah, there too.”

“You really know how to brighten the day, don’t you?”

“And you really don’t feel how sexually frustrated you are? Because I do.” He turned in his seat to face her. Being a woman was fucked up in general, he found out - all these hormones and stuff Johnny didn't even try to understand - but the level of stress she was living under was absolutely crushing. The majority of it was obviously caused by the chip and everything that was going on in V's life lately, but a part of it, not a small one, came from her sexual starvation. And lack of sleep. Or maybe her abstinence led to insomnia, Johnny wasn’t sure anymore. All he knew was that she – they – were constantly tired as of late. And horny. Very horny. “And I don’t like it a bit. If I were you, I’d start jerking off right here and now.”

“Please don’t.” A look of dread flitted across her face.

“I won’t. But you should.”

“I’m driving, if you haven’t noticed. I really want to get us home in one piece, and as soon as possible.” She needed a shower and some takeout to make herself feel better, and maybe a cold one too. ”So eyes on the road, hands on the wheel.”

“Fine. I’ll lend you a hand, then.”

“I don’t think you’ll be able to drive a car. You’re not corporeal, you know.”

“I was rather thinking about fingering you.”

“WHAT?”

“Eyes on the road.” He chided her, visibly amused by the utter horror showing on her face. “I’m just saying that I want to help you. No strings attached, don’t worry. Treat it as a friendly favor.”

“We aren’t friends.”

“Aww, V, that hurt.”

“Good. Now fuck off.” She seemed adamant, but he noticed that her hands, now gripping the wheel for dear life, were shaking a little. She was both abashed by the thought of being this intimate with Johnny and genuinely thinking about it. Considering. Imagining.

He knew her thoughts. He lived in her brain and he could read her like an open book. He knew exactly the effect he had on her and what she was thinking about him, he knew about her fascination and curiosity. And her constant denial about it.

It wouldn’t be hard to get what he wanted, never had been for him. And all he currently wanted was to get in her pants.

“Come on V, I’ve seen the thoughts that keep you awake at night. All of them. These about me too.” He purred, caressing her taut arm with his silver fingers. “I’m not going to tease you about them. Just want you to know that I know about your little fantasies. And appreciate your taste.”

“Sure.” She murmured, flustered.

“I will gladly show you that reality can be even better. If you let me.” He put his organic hand on her thigh. She didn’t immediately push it off, which was a promising sign. “So, what do you say? Will I get a yes? I may be an asshole and love sex way too much, but I would never go on someone without clear consent.”

“How considerate of you.”

“I’m serious, V. And I really just want to help. If you don’t blow off some steam anytime soon we’re both going to explode. Not the best way to go, trust me on that.”

Johnny saw how intensely she was thinking about it, processing what she had heard, weighing pros and cons. And he was waiting patiently for her answer, gently but not intrusively massaging her leg.

“If you ever mock me about it, or use it against me, I will rip both your silver arm and your cock off. Somehow.” She warned with a serious glare, finally giving up. She spread her legs a little, inviting his hand further, her face turning bright red.

“I would never. But eyes on the road, please.” He reminded her, an amused smile plastered on his face. His hand snuck past the hem of her trousers, rubbing the soft skin of her lower abdomen. “Smooth.”

“Not for you.”

“Yeah yeah, I know.” His hand continued its journey down her groin. V’s breath hitched in her throat and body squirmed involuntarily when he dragged his fingers along her folds. “Easy girl, I barely touched you.”

“Should I maybe pull over somewhere?”

“And make a show for everyone passing the car by? Kinky.” Johnny leaned towards her, his lips nearly touching her earlobe. He was so close that V could feel his hot breath on her skin and smell the stench of his favorite cigarettes lingering on him. As if he was real, she thought. She couldn’t dwell on it for long though, not with his hand skillfully stroking her slit, up and down, in a steady pace. “Just focus on the road. And try not to come after five seconds, deal?”

He cupped her crotch and a breathy “yes” was the only response V managed to give.

Her pussy was just as Johnny had expected – hot and slick, already dripping, craving stimulation his fingers were so eager to provide. He had so many plans for her, yet so little time, considering how touch-starved and sensitive V was. He thought that maybe he should suggest to fuck her properly, but in their current position it had to wait. Slightly disappointing, but Johnny was fine with that. He loved sex, but watching his girls squirm and moan under his touch was even ten times better than coming himself.

“Nice little cunt you have here.” He tested the waters, slipping one finger in. “Tight and wet, definitely my type.”

“Just stop talking and do what you have to do.” V had a really hard time focusing on the road. She already slowed down, trying her best not to crash into a lamp or another car, and Johnny’s words were making the situation even more challenging.

“And where’s the fun in that?” He was already fingering her deeply, setting a fast pace. ”Without telling you how much I appreciate your body? By the way, have I mentioned that your tits are fucking great?” Johnny’s metal hand cupped her breast, causing soft gasp to escape her mouth. “Amazing. I’d cu-“

“Stop. Talking. PLEASE.”

“Alright, alright, mouth shut. For now.”

Watching V try to keep her body and its reactions under control, while his slick fingers with her juices started massaging her clit, was fun. And dosing her pleasure like he wanted amused Johnny even more. He stopped his ministrations every time V bucked her hips up trying to rub against his hand, or did anything to get more friction, a wry smile twisted at his lips when she shot him a furious glance or made a discontent sound. Yes, it was supposed to be a quick finger fuck, but how could he finish it so fast when he was enjoying it so much? How could he deny himself having his fun with her, having her all to himself like that, a little longer?

Johnny was reluctant to admit it, but truth to be told, he’d had his eyes on her almost from the beginning. V was a woman - an attractive one, there was no doubt for that - and he was a simple man. He couldn’t resist watching her when she was changing or taking a shower (she knew), or even sleeping sprawled on her bed, with that stupid smile on her blissful face. He wanted to see more of her, and sometimes he caught himself thinking of touching her, feeling her in this way. He tried to convince himself that he felt like that because of his fifty years of celibacy, that she wasn’t his type and it was just his cock speaking. But there was something about V, something that attracted him to her like corpo scums attracted his bullets.

And to be honest, did he even have a type? Pretty face, a pair of tits, willing cunt and nice ass - that was enough to get him going. And V fitted that description perfectly.

To V’s relief, and Johnny’s probably too as his existence depended on whether she was alive or not, their car got stuck in a traffic jam, huge as always at this hour in this part of Night City. Now she could fully focus on Johnny and his hand, working its magic in her pants.  

She shifted in her seat, adjusting her position to give him better access to her already dripping entrance. He immediately accepted her invitation, sliding a finger inside, one at first, then second, slowly, giving V time to get used to the stretch. He fingered her deeply, in a steady pace, reveling in the squelchy sounds his hand was making, smiling widely every time a breathy moan escaped her parted lips. Sometimes it was just incoherent babbling, sometimes a mantra of “fuck”s. But then, when she was close to coming, it was mostly his name.

“Such a good girl.” He praised her, getting back to stroking her clit. “Ready to cum?”

“Yes, fuck, don’t stop.”

“I want to feel it.”

His fingers were back inside her pussy, picking up the pace, fucking her harder than before. He was determined to give her the best finger fuck of her life, and after seeing her memories he knew that there wasn’t much to compete with. V had had several partners in her life but, obviously, none of them could measure up to Johnny Silverhand and he was keen to show her why he was so popular among women back in his days. He put his entire heart into working her cunt up and it quickly paid off. V was completely lost in pleasure; her head fell back, eyes closed, moans turned into wails.

She put out quite a show and was so busy chasing her release that she didn’t notice that the guy in the car next to theirs was watching her intensely with a mixture of concern and fascination on his face. She was sure a sight to behold: disheveled, flushed and panting like after running a marathon, and rutting her needy cunt furiously against Johnny’s hand. A hand only she could see. A sudden wave of anger surged through Johnny. Back in his younger days he was quite a fan of public sex, never afraid of being caught, and to be honest not much changed in that matter. He would gladly show this loser who V belonged to and who was making her scream, force him to bashfully avert his eyes and never look at her again. But sadly, he couldn’t, and that frustrated him immensely.

He couldn’t even show that fucker a middle finger. Being dead sucked.

“V, could you do something for me?” Luckily, he had another idea.

“What?” She opened her eyes, looking at him questioningly.

“Scream my name so loud that the entire Watson knows who's making you cum.”

She wanted to snort at his request, but her breath hitched in her throat when Johnny’s lips landed on her neck with a sloppy kiss, escaping it as a loud moan seconds later when his metal hand began working on her clit. And with his organic fingers hitting that right spot inside her, she couldn’t hold back anymore.

Never in her life had V come so hard before. She couldn't control her squirming body, nor her cussing mouth, when waves of pure ecstasy shot through her one after another. She felt her walls clench rhythmically around Johnny’s fingers, still pumping in her to prolong her orgasm, and she cried out his name, begging him to not stop. It was mind-blowing, absolutely breathtaking, and when his lips kissed her exposed neck again, she felt another kind of warmth pool in her chest.

Johnny could feel it all too. Delayed and not as intense as her climax, but strong enough to make him feel spent and satisfied. He flopped back on his seat and reached for his never ending pack of cigarettes, lighting one and taking a long puff, as he always did after a good fuck.

“Feeling better?”

“Yeah.” V was slowly coming down from her orgasm high. “Holy shit.”

“And that’s all? Where’s some ‘Thanks Johnny’, ‘You were right Johnny’?”

“Thank you Johnny.”

“See? It wasn’t that hard.” He patted her thigh. “And speaking of hard, that guy in the car on our left was watching you the whole time. And he’s still looking.”

“You gotta be kidding me.” She covered her face with her hand, realizing with embarrassment that she probably gave people around her quite a show. It must have looked exceptional from their perspective. Or maybe not, maybe she looked as if she was just enjoying a BD of a particular sort. Still, she felt pretty awkward.

“Let’s get out of the car and kick his ass, wipe this stupid smile off his stupid face.”

“No.” She didn’t even want to look in that guy’s direction right now.

“Pussy. At least show him a middle finger or something.” Johnny immediately flipped him off with both hands. “Come on, V. Fucker deserves it.”

She sighed and reluctantly, still not looking at her accidental spectator, she did as Johnny asked.

[hypnoticwinter]

Down the Rabbit Hole part 14

As the loud, clanging gunshot rings out again, Elena gives me a sympathetic look and leans in a little closer to me. I gingerly take my hands away from my ears, but when she speaks I still can’t hear her through the earplugs. I reach up and start to take them out but she gives me a look and smacks my hand back down, and then she is tucking my hair back behind my ear and fiddling with the plugs. She presses down gently and the earplugs slip in a tiny bit further and then I truly can’t hear; I guess I just hadn’t inserted them all the way. I flash her a grin and a thumbs-up and she smiles at me a little indulgently. My eyes linger on her a little longer while she crosses her arms again, leans up against the painted brick wall of the firing range.

Ahead of us in the central stall, the robot and the tall, slim man with the joysticked control box are looking for more targets. The robot is holding the biggest rifle I’ve ever seen, one-handed no less, and though the shells it spits out with each trigger-pull have got to be the size of Coke cans – okay, maybe not that big, maybe about the size of a mediumish pill-bottle – it handles the recoil without any strain at all.

Down further the overhead rack whines and sends a dinner-plate sized target whizzing across the line again. The robot’s head tracks it for a moment before with a single swift and precise motion it flicks the barrel of the gun to the left and pulls the trigger. I wince again, less from the sound of it now, thanks to Elena’s help, and more due to the resonating shockwave of it throbbing in my chest.

The man with the joystick toggles something on it and the robot racks the bolt of the rifle, tilts it skyward to check the chamber, and then ejects the massive magazine and puts it on the table before it.

“As you can see,” the man says, looking around at us, “this new model of armature skeleton is the most advanced yet. We’ve put absolutely everything into this bad boy,” he grins, slapping the chest plate of the robot; it doesn’t react. “Gyroscopic stabilizers, redundant systems in practically every area, newest cyborgnetic processors, the works.”

“You said you were from Europe, right?” Ellis asks, and the man nods.

“That’s correct. This is going to be a bit of a joint venture. As I mentioned before, I’m Max Euler, one of the scientists from Anodyne Berlin’s robotics department. We reached out to the administration here,” he says, nodding to Makado, “when we felt that the skeleton was in the final phases of testing and could really do with an…extremely adverse environment to put it through its paces. Then, when we discovered that you were facing a certain…difficulty retrieving an artifact, well, everything seemed serendipitous.”

“You don’t sound very German,” I observe. A few heads twist around to look at me and I can see Makado hide a smile. Euler doesn’t miss a beat, though.

“I actually learned English in America,” he tells me. “That’s why I don’t have an accent when I speak it. Deep-immersion in a culture is the best way to learn, I believe. Now, do we have any other questions about myself or the armature or has its performance spoken for itself?”

To be fair, the thing’s performance was very impressive. Over the past couple of hours we watched him demonstrate its speed, its agility, its coordination…everything that would interest the men and women on the team with ex-military backgrounds, which, from what I gathered from the past couple of days, was the majority. I think only Crookshank and another man I had met only briefly before he’d disappeared again, a short, sinewy, compact individual who introduced himself with a wide, flashing grin as Klaus, just Klaus, weren’t. Well, possibly Elena, actually. Is the Coast Guard part of the military? I don’t know. I think so but I’m not certain. I should ask her if I ever manage to get her alone again.

Alone. That’s a laugh. These past couple of days in the barracks have been a decidedly different experience than what I’m used to. I’m not a particularly shy person and I’m confident enough that I’ve never had any real reservations about my body, but the absolute lack of privacy is something I’ve never really experienced before. I got used to it quickly enough, changing in front of everybody. The first time I was motivated mainly because I knew for certain that if I made a big deal of it I’d be taken even less seriously. Aww, look at the little baby, wants us to turn around while she puts a new shirt on? How cute! She thinks we’ve never seen a pair of tits before!

I guess if I want to psychoanalyze myself I could ask why I want to fit in so badly with these people, but it’s obvious, isn’t it? Being the outsider aches, and even if you can fox-and-grapes yourself into believing that it’s okay because you’re “better” than them, you’re always going to know how much bull that is, somewhere deep down.

As far as becoming part of a team goes, you can either have it built in or have it be something you build up. If I came here and I was a male ex-Marine or even something like a paramedic, or perhaps even a lineman (power line lineman, not football lineman), I’d be much more easily accepted. Not that I think the fact that I’m a woman really has much to do with it; it’s about experiences. What the hell does a reporter know about Real World Things, like how to build a fire or pitch a tent or hide food where a bear can’t get it? Or how to fire a gun, splint an injured leg?

I know how to do some of those things, to be fair. But I don’t have the credentials. Instead I have to build it up, I have to be willing to learn, I have to put in work without complaining, I have to play ball no matter what. Challenging an institution, even a little one like a team like this, is impossible until you get inside of it. You say something like, ‘uh, I think I’d prefer to have all of you not stare at my tits while I change my shirt’ and boom, all the goodwill you’ve built up is gone. You have to play ball, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

“Roan?” Makado asks again, sidling up to me while Euler prattles on about something else up in front. I take another look at him and the robot and flick my eyes over to Makado.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What’s up?”

“I want to show you the recording equipment we’ve got for you.”

We slip out of the firing range and head down the hallway, Makado’s heeled footsteps echoing off the tight corridor ceiling. She’s wearing her hair down today, with a broad headband resting high up on her forehead to keep those unruly curls in line. “Makado,” I say after a moment, “can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“How dangerous is this going to be?”

She stops, turns and looks at me. Her lopsided gaze is calculating. “Very, I’d imagine,” she says eventually.

“Mm.”

“Why, are you having second thoughts?”

“No,” I tell her, “not particularly. I just wanted to – mentally prepare myself.”

“You know,” she says after a moment, “I was pretty certain you were going to chicken out.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I assumed, you know, throw you to the wolves for a day or two in the barracks with the team, you’d get scared enough to realize this is a bad idea.”

“They’ve been decent to me, actually.”

“As they would have been to anybody,” she smiles, guiding us around a corner. “But I think you might find that my, and apparently your, definition of ‘decent’ might not match with that of a lot of other twenty-something female reporters.”

“If I quit, who’d work the camera?”

“It’s a camera,” Makado laughs. “How hard can it be?”

“Show me the camera and I’ll tell you.”

She shows me the camera and then blushes after a moment. “Christ,” she says. “Stop laughing, it’s a camera.”

“This is what you’re going to use? Where’d you get this, Walmart?”

“Look, our budget isn’t –“

“How much did this cost? A hundred bucks?”

Makado looks at me for a moment. “Eighty,” she says finally. I knead the bridge of my nose.

“I literally have a four hundred dollar camera in my bag back in the barracks that could take better video than this,” I say, “and that’s my backup SLR.”

“SLR?” Makado frowns. I wave it away.

“It’s a kind of camera. Mine’s digital, it can take stills or video. I have…I think three or four memory cards left? So probably about 60 hours of video, I’d guess. More if you’re okay with thirty frames per second instead of sixty. What’s the video going to be used for?”

“It’s classified,” Makado says. “I can’t –“

“Do you want good video or not?”

She rolls her eyes at me. “Look, I really can’t tell you. We just want you to record the operation, that’s all. You don’t need to give it an edge or a slant or an angle or anything, just record it.”

“Mm,” I grunt. “Alright, that’s fair. What’s the deal with the crystal? Why is it so important?”

“Don’t press your luck. This camera you have, how fragile is it?”

I laugh. “About as fragile as this one, relatively,” I point. “Maybe a little more. If it breaks down there I’ll want an assurance that you’ll replace it.”

“If it’s in the budget.”

“A personal assurance, for my personal camera,” I elaborate. She looks at me dubiously.

“You want me to buy you a new camera with my own money?”

“If it breaks.”

“When did this turn into a negotiation?” she asks. Her voice is exasperated but I can tell that she wants to smile. “Fine. How about this? If you break your camera but the footage is usable, I’ll get you a new one. No footage, no camera.”

“Alright.”

“And you’re taking this one as well, as a backup.”

“Fine. I’ll need to get my charger, though.”

“For the batteries? You don’t have it with you?”

“If you recall, I thought I was just going to be coming in and then leaving the same night. I didn’t plan on getting caught up in this adventure of yours. My charger’s back at my motel room in town.”

“Guess we’d better go get it, then.”

And then Makado is putting her arm around my shoulder and ushering me out of the dingy storage closet, and then out of the building entirely.

 * * *

 “You know,” I say as the little Volkswagen powers down the main road and out the gate, Makado giving a cheery wave to the guard in the gatehouse as she passes, “this really isn’t the sort of car I was expecting you’d drive.”

She laughs. “You and everybody else. See, this actually used to be my aunt’s car. She won the lottery, bought herself a new car, gave me this one, and I was like, ‘hey, what the hell, free car, might as well use it’ and from there it grew on me.”

“It’s so tiny.”

“If you turn that into a crack about my height, you’re walking back to the Flesh Pit.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I laugh. “Although you are kind of fulfilling the stereotype by being so touchy about it.”

“That’s it –“

“I’m joking.”

“I know,” she says, flashing me a quick grin.

The world outside is like a bright warm hug. I realized as soon as Makado lead me out of the squat, evil-looking concrete Security building that for the last three days in the barracks I had been suffering from a myopia of purpose; I’d done little more than work out in the gym, hang out with Elena, and play wallflower, listening to the team laugh and joke and riff off each other. If I were to close my eyes, here in the car, with the top down, trailing my hand in the breeze, I’d be asleep in five minutes.

“You look peaceful,” Makado observes, and I crack an eye open, fix her with what I hope is a sardonic gaze.

“Do I not normally look peaceful?”

“Well, considering I’ve known you for about four days now, and about half of those we were both wondering if I was going to have to send you to federal prison, I’d say that generally you haven’t looked very peaceful.”

“Fair point.”

We drive on in silence for a little longer. “You know,” she says, “there’s no shame in backing out.”

“If you didn’t want me to go you shouldn’t have offered,” I tell her. “It’s too late now.”

“If you want the truth, I did it more for Peter than for you.”

“That’s bullshit,” I tell her. She looks at me a little uncertainly.

“He likes you, you know,” she tells me.

I look over at Makado, really look at her. I look at the lines of the tendons in her neck, loose and ropy but ready to spring into life and brace at a moment’s notice. I look at her cheeks and her eye and her lips, at the way she grips the wheel loosely in one hand, the other hand draped over the edge of the rolled-down window. She glances over, catches me staring. “Have you told him yet?”

I let out a little burst of mirthless laughter. “I haven’t even been able to tell my dad yet.”

“Why not?”

“Why haven’t I told my dad or why haven’t I told Pete?”

“I meant Pete.”

I roll the words around on my tongue for a long, long time before I finally say them. “Because Pete might like me, but he still loves you.”

Makado lets out a breath like I’d punched her, and I look over at her incredulously. “Oh, come on,” I say. “You couldn’t tell? Have you seen the way he looks at you?”

“I don’t –“

“I don’t know what happened between the two of you, not exactly, but I know for a fact that he still has feelings for you.”

“I thought you and him…”

“Let’s just say I’m probably not going to be interested in men for a while,” I say. “Maybe for the rest of my life,” I add with a hollow laugh.

“That isn’t funny,” Makado says quickly. “And what do you – oh.”

“Yeah.”

She doesn’t seem to know what to say to that. Hell, if I were in her position I wouldn’t know what to say about it.

It feels good to tell someone.

“Are you scared?” she asks, glancing over again.

“It doesn’t feel real yet,” I tell her. “I got the letter with the results about a week ago. They wanted me to come back in and ‘discuss my options’ but there aren’t any. Once I get sick I’ll be scared, I imagine.”

“I’m sorry,” she says. “You probably don’t want sympathy, but…”

“The only thing I don’t want is someone treating me differently, that’s all. Maybe I’m dying but this is going to be a long slow goodbye. And right now I still feel fine,” I say, wondering if I really believe it.

“I was meaning to tell you,” Makado says after a moment. “I think I can get you some ballast.”

I look at her sharply; she keeps her head still, eye on the road. “You’re serious?” I ask after a moment.

“Dead serious.”

“How?”

“The suits the team wears, the locator is in the helmet. At the end of the first day, you guys will make camp right near a ballast bulb. You do the math.”

I think about that for a moment, then shrug.

“Seems easy enough. Would it even help me?”

“It might. I don’t know, I’m not a scientist. Isn’t it worth a shot?”

“Sure. But what if…I don’t know, what are the side effects?”

Makado laughs. “Well, undiluted ballast…you’ll get really fucking horny. You’ll probably want to drink it right there so you don’t have to worry about hiding a fucking bottle of it from everyone. And it’s going to taste really, really gross.”

“I meant more like physiological stuff.”

“As far as I know it’s mildly addictive but nobody ever figured out if it was actually chemically addictive or if it was a mental thing. Like, the difference between coffee and cigarettes being addictive.”

“Speaking of,” I say. “You smoke?”

“I don’t.”

“Good,” I tell her. “Nasty habit.”

“Okay, miss two-packs-a-day.”

“Ouch. Low blow.”

“Did you always smoke that much?”

She pulls back onto the main road and then turns onto the side street that leads down to the motel. By daylight Gumption looks even sadder than at night. Fewer shadows to hide the cracks.

“No,” I tell her. “I used to smoke about a pack a week or so.”

“Let me guess,” she says. “When you found out you said ‘fuck it’ and started going all in?”

“Seemed like the thing to do,” I say. “I like nicotine, just not a fan of smoking, necessarily. Too concerned about my lungs’ wellbeing.”

“Right,” she agrees. “Alright, we’re here.”

The warm, dry air has sucked all the life out of me. “Alright,” I say, not opening my eyes. “The charger is on the nightstand, you can just run up and get it…”

“Go and get your damn charger.”

I groan, pop the door, stagger out of the low-slung Beetle. “Question for you,” I say, leaning back in.

“Yeah?”

“Why are you personally taking the time to drive me around?”

Makado laughs. “Do you know how busy I am as the Head of Security?”

“Very, I’d imagine.”

“I’m not busy at all. Place runs itself unless there’s an emergency. I do about two hours of phone calls and emails per night sitting in my quarters in my pajamas, rest of the time I just hang around and pretend to do something, anything, that justifies my salary.”

I can’t help but smile at her. “Glad I could give you something to do, then.”

“Go get your charger,” she repeats, reclining the seat backwards. She unclips her seat belt and shuts her eyes. “I’ll be right here.”

 * * *

 I can tell someone’s been in the room the minute I walk in. I’d left the do not disturb sign on the handle, they’ve taken it off, left it on the floor right in front of the door. I stare; then there is a soft, subtle sound from inside the room and I take a step back, reach behind me for the door handle.

“I wouldn’t do that,” Erica Walken tells me, stepping out from the bathroom. She has in her hand a small revolver, held about waist-high, barrel pointed unwaveringly at me.

It isn’t much to look at, that little gun, the barrel glinting in the low, warm light cast by the lamp over on the bedside table. The inside of the barrel seems like it must be the blackest, darkest, heaviest thing I’ve ever seen, and it draws my eyes to it like it were a singularity. Forget movies, forget books, if you have a gun pointed at you there’s no way to be cool, no way to just quip out a one-liner like in a movie. I an feel my hands shaking at my sides and if I don’t get a grip on myself my legs are going to follow suit. But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to at least try a one-liner. When’s the next time I’ll get the chance?

“Put the gun down,” I tell her. My voice almost trembles but I lock it down.

“No,” she says. “Did you come alone?”

“Y-yes. What the hell do you want?”

“You’ve been a hard woman to track down for the last couple of days. Sit down.”

She jerks the gun at the armchair in the corner and I move slowly to it, my back prickling with the knowledge that she’s still holding the gun on me, and sit.

She stares at me for a moment longer. “Are you working for the Company?” she asks me, and something in the way she says it, in the way she’s looking at me, makes me think that this is a capital-letter Very Important Question.

“The Containment Corporation?” I ask, trying hard to keep my voice innocent. She waves an irritated hand.

“The Containment Corp, Anodyne, whoever. You know what I mean.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why the hell are you back?” she growls. “I know you went with Peter, even though I told you not to, and when you and he disappeared I knew they must have caught you. What the hell are you doing back here?”

“What the hell are you doing in my room?” I snarl back at her. She tosses her head, looks down her nose at me.

“Looking for answers,” she says. “I have a right to know –“

“Lady, I don’t know who you think you are but if you think I’m going to overlook the fact that you broke into my motel room –“

“Answer the question,” she tells me. She moves her thumb and draws the hammer on the revolver back and it locks into place with an ominous click.

“No,” I tell her. “I’m not working for them.”

She stares at me for a long while and I stare back at her, keep my face carefully blasé. “Alright,” she says quietly. “What happened? Why haven’t I been able to get in touch with Peter? When my boy heard the alarms he tried to get out of the Pit. He told me that the ditch had been filled in with concrete, he was trapped in there.”

“Your boy?”

She waves her hand impatiently. “The young man who went in there with you. Marcus.”

“Oh. I didn’t know they’d filled in the ditch,” I say softly.

“Well, they did. He can’t get out.”

“Where is he now?”

“Back in the Pit, of course. He wouldn’t have lasted a day out there on the surface, he’d have been caught in an instant. What happened to Peter? Why can’t I get him on the phone?”

I must be very deliberate now, and choose my words carefully.

“They caught Peter,” I tell her. “I don’t know what happened to him. I only just managed to get away.”

Her eyes narrow. “Bullshit,” she says, the word sounding out of place in her small, elegant mouth. “You’re working for them.”

I can see her knuckles whiten on the grip of the pistol. I feel like I’m going to throw up.

“I can get him out,” I say quickly. “Marcus, I mean.”

“How?” she asks.

Yes, Roan, how? the little voice asks somewhere from the back of my head, and I close my eyes. “They made me a deal,” I say slowly. Maybe it’s pathetic but I feel a little better not being able to see the gun. “I’m going into the Pit. Tomorrow or the next day. I can find him, get him out of there.”

“And turn him right in to the Company?” she snorts. “Fat chance.”

“If you shoot me,” I say with sudden confidence, “you’re never going to see him again. He’s going to die down there and you won’t be able to get him back.”

Erica’s mouth is a tight line. Her eyes are like chips of obsidian. “He’s down there for a reason,” she tells me. “Tell me about this operation they’re pulling. Have they found one of the crystals?” she asks.

My mouth drops open. “You know about those?”

“So that’s a yes?”

I snap my mouth shut. She leans forward, and the muzzle of the revolver snuffles forward. I have to stop myself from cringing back into the chair. If she were to pull the trigger, at this range the bullet would -

“I’m going to blow your fucking brains out,” she says, “if you don’t tell me what you know.”

“Okay,” I say, frantic now, “okay, Jesus Christ, fine, they found a crystal! Is that what you want to know so bad? Yes, they found one. They’re going down to get it and I’m going with. Fuck!”

“Do you know the route?”

“No! Look, I don’t know what the hell you want or what you’re planning, but -”

“Focus,” she says. “They have a crystal. You’re certain? You saw footage of it?”

“Yes,” I say.

Erica blows a breath out. She looks very tired suddenly; she leans back against the counter and the gun finally wavers away from me. “Alright,” she says softly. “It looks like I –“

“Roan? You okay in there?” someone calls from outside the hotel room, and Erica and I both jump. She hurls to her feet, giving me a murderous glare.

“You bitch,” she says. “You brought her with you? I should -“

“Roan, who are you talking to?”

Erica looks as though she doesn’t know what to do. She glances back at the door and then down at me. I can see her start to say something, but before she can get the words out, there is the soft snap of a card fitting into the lock and then the handle turns. My panicked eyes turn to Erica and I can see her raising the gun, mid-snarl. “Hide the gun!” I hiss urgently, and she stares at me for a frozen moment before the door opens all the way and Makado, holding a pistol of her own, a slim black automatic, peeks around the corner. Our eyes meet but she can’t see Erica, the woman is around the corner from her.

Erica is staring at me and I flick my eyes back to her; she hasn’t put the gun away and I try to implore her to with a look, but she’s having none of it. She moves to the wall and the floor creaks. Makado’s aim shifts up and over to the corner as Erica flattens herself against the wall, revolver extended ahead of her, head-height.

I feel as though I’m going to pass out but I know I have to do something, and finally after my anguished nerves have been screaming at me to move, to flex my muscles and move, goddam it, I rise lurchingly, a sudden motion that seems in immediate retrospect to have been a very bad idea. Makado’s gun wavers for a moment but Erica swings around almost immediately and starts to get a bead on me. Makado rushes forward and bursts around the corner, knocking me to the floor in the process. I land hard and lay there for a moment, then I roll over. I see Makado on the ground, Erica on her knees, the two of them struggling over the revolver, Erica trying desperately to stuff her finger back into the trigger guard. I snap out a kick and catch her in the side and she whoops out a breath and lets the gun go for a moment. Makado jerks it away from Erica and I finally, finally see the outline of Makado’s pistol, discarded on the floor right in front of me, blending in with the dark carpet.

Before I can snatch it up Erica bolts to her feet, stepping on Makado’s forearm in the process, a yelp boiling out of Mak’s mouth as she wrenches her arm out from beneath Erica’s shoe, but Erica is already sprinting out the door, slamming it behind her. “Mak,” I say urgently, trying to hand her the gun, but Mak sees it and freezes, and then her eye flicks up to mine, wide and scared, and then I realize I’m pointing it right at her. “Shit,” I say, jerking the barrel away from her. “I didn’t mean to – I’m sorry –“

She reaches out, grabs it and takes it from my nerveless hands. “Grip first,” she says, and then clambers to her feet and rushes out the door after Erica.

By the time I manage to get to my feet and stagger out of the room after her, Roan is there leaning up against the balcony, revolver and pistol both slung away into one pocket or holster or other, watching the big black car roar out of the parking lot fast enough to leave twin streaks of black rubber in its wake.

“You okay?” I ask, breathless still, and Makado glances over, eye wide and limpid.

“Yeah. You?”

“I think so.”

She blows a breath out, inclines her head forward until her forehead rests on the cool metal bar of the balcony. I think about it for a moment before I do it, but then I reach over and gently lay my hand on her back, and I feel her stiffen and then relax. She has a terrible knot of muscle just above her shoulderblade and I work at it with my fingers, run my thumb over it in slow, firm strokes. “That’s nice,” she murmurs after a moment.

“You’re pretty tense,” I observe.

“Well, we both almost died, so…”

“How did you get in?”

“Oh, I made a copy of your keycard when we took your stuff the other night,” she says. “Might have come in handy later.”

“Good thing you did.”

“Never know when you’ll need something like that. We got lucky.”

“Peter told me that Erica’s with the cult,” I say, and Makado nods.

“Yeah,” she says. “What the hell was eating her, did she tell you? She can be a bit of a loose cannon but I’ve never seen her pull a fucking gun on anyone.”

“I don’t know,” I frown. “She - she knew about the crystal somehow, she was asking me if I’d seen it, if we were going down to get it.”

“Ah,” Makado says lightly, “that would do it.”

She does smell like peaches, I realize suddenly, standing this close to her. Her back feels very warm beneath her thin shirt, and her skin has a muscley firmness to it that my fingertips find appealing.

“What aren’t you telling me?” I ask her. Her eye flickers open; I can see her glowering at me from beneath the crook of her arm.

“Mind your own business,” she says.

“This is all about the crystal, isn’t it,” I say thoughtfully. “It was just bad timing, our coming in when we did. You thought we were after it.”

She looks at me bleakly. “Yeah, I did. I didn’t know what to think so I made the call. Beginning to think it was a bad one.”

“Why can’t you tell –“

“Because you don’t need to know!” she snaps. “Because some things are supposed to stay secret.”

I take my hand off of her back. She shuts her eye. “I suppose now you’re going to be mad at me,” she offers, and I blow out a sigh, look out across the parking lot. I can see heat distortion off in the distance, out across the plains beyond the town limits, and in the distance I can see the electric fence.

“I’m not mad at you,” I say so softly that she has to ask me to repeat myself. I look down at her and give her a faint smile. “I’m not mad at you. I’m not – I’m not mad at anything, I guess, not the Pit, not the Corporation, not anything. I wish Rey didn’t have to die but if this crystal is so damn important then what else could you have done? He’d have thrown himself down that elevator shaft if you’d let him. Probably wouldn’t have done any damage, but -”

“A couple of years ago,” Makado says, straightening up, hands on her hips, twisting her back left and right, coaxing a deep crack from her spine like something heavy slotting into place, “we had someone get in with a bomb. He was schizophrenic. Convinced that the Pit was going to swallow the world whole. He sprinted for the orifice and if we didn’t put him down he would have dropped that bomb down there and it would have wrecked the gantry, would have hurt the Pit like fuck, maybe even gotten another choke response out of it. As it was it cracked the fuck out of the concrete exclusion plate, we had to put in a new one.”

I can see ghosts swimming in her eye when she looks at me. “I can’t let that happen again. Even if it’s, fuck, ten times less severe than 2007, there’s eight guys down there in that control room in the monitoring station at all times who are counting on me not to let something like that happen.”

“You did the right thing, then,” I tell her, wondering if I’m lying.

“I – what?”

“You did the right thing,” I repeat. “I don’t know if I would have done anything different if I was in the same position, because you’re right, you can’t risk it. You don’t know what Rey wanted to do, you don’t know who he was or whatever he was carrying. You made the call. As long as you make a decision you’re doing something right, even if it turns out to be the wrong decision. The wrong decision is better than no decision.”

Makado nods after a moment. “Yeah,” she says. She’s looking out in the same direction I am but I can tell from the way she’s staring off across the dusty plains that whatever she sees out there lives mostly inside her head.

“Now, to be fair, I don’t know how I’d live with myself afterwards, but in the moment I’d still make the same call.”

Her eye flicks over to me and then her lips split in a slow lazy smile. “Well aren’t you just a ray of fucking sunshine.”

I grin back, nod to the car. “You’re really not going to call the cops on her?”

“What’s the damn point? She’ll be out of the county by now. Tell you what, do you know her phone number?”

I start to say I don’t, but then I think about it and lead Makado back into the motel room, fiddle with the room phone until I can find a call history. “There,” I say, pointing to one entry. “That’s her. She called me about three days ago, before I came to the Pit. Told me not to go.”

Makado nods, takes her phone out, punches the number in. It rings and rings and then goes to voicemail. “Erica,” she says, once the tinny beep sounds, “this is Makado Veret. Look, I’m not calling the cops on you. I know you probably don’t believe me but as far as I’m concerned this is no harm no foul, alright?”

Her eyes meet mine. “We know about your guy in the Pit. Roan told me you were asking questions about the crystal. I’m only going to warn you once. Whatever you’re planning, call it off.”

Makado’s eye flickers over to me, then away again. I can see her throat bob as she swallows, then she continues. “You probably can’t reach him by phone but if you do get ahold of him, tell him to head to the main gullet and up to the monitoring station. I can’t promise immunity but I’d rather get him out of there alive than dead, and I swear to you I will try to get him off property without any federal charges. Call it good faith. But if you pull the shit you just pulled again,” she says, her voice cooling so quickly I can practically hear the snap, “or if you try to interfere with my operation, you’re going to be coming back out in a bodybag. Oh, and I have your gun. Call me back.” She rattles off her number and then hangs up, blows a breath out.

“Think she’ll call you?”

“Maybe,” Makado shrugs. She reaches into her pocket, pulls the revolver out, examines it. “Free gun, though, if she doesn’t.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“That was a joke,” she explains, and when I start giggling I can’t suppress it even though as far as jokes go that was fairly lame, but I realize that it’s just all the adrenaline from the fight flooding out of me belatedly in one long relieved flow and even as Makado cuffs me playfully behind the ears and tells me it wasn’t that funny, I manage to make her smile, and I suppose that ought to be enough.

When we get back, charger and a couple of extra half-full SD cards tucked carefully into my pocket, Elena is the only one who noticed that I’d been gone for long, but when she asks where I’ve been, rolling over on her stomach to peer at me from her messy cot, I just shrug. “Out,” I tell her, and content myself with a mysterious smile while she shakes her head and returns to her magazine, muttering something about fucking admin under her breath, but it’s with a crooked smile that I know is meant for me, and when I flop onto the cot next to her nobody gives me a second glance and I feel, for just a moment, like I am starting to belong.

Continue with Part 15

Back to Table of Contents

[gallickingunexposed]

You know what, I’m not going to send this in anonymous because seriosuly just putting any anonymous post under “Morgan” that goes against what you believe in is utter bullshit.

This whole blog is bullshit. How many times does she have to apologize for you to be satisfied? This is cancel culture at its finest. She made mistakes. I’m not going to deny that. But is it enough to make a whole ass hate blog?

I really feel sorry that you feel your some “savior”. Under your own self righteous beliefs you have blasted minors about their mistakes (aka me) to help your cause. You have claimed someone is racist without any proof. You have agreed with an anonymous person that a whole discord server is racist, when literally there are POC users in it.

The amount of falsities you have is atrocious. This feels so petty, like high school. If this was serious you would go to the appropriate authorities, like the police, yet you haven’t. I just don’t understand, I really don’t. How many apologies do you need? Why is it every damn time Morgan posts you gotta psychoanalyze it to make her a bad person? It’s quite disgusting how obsessed you are with making someone into this evil person.

And you know what, any person would be affected by this. Imagine if someone made a whole blog to just degrade you and make people believe your this shit bag and bashing any little thing you do. And then have people send you hate on a daily. It would afffect anyone. It’s so disgusting. No matter what age you are, whoever you are running this, this is so fucked on so many levels.

Half the stuff you accuse Morgan of you have no proof or say you have proof and never show it, saying you’re still working on it. Like how her new business she used matchup money for- do you realize how much work it is to make your own business??? And make the product yourself??? And still be in a job and be a productive person??? A shit ton. So yeah, she probabaly didn’t have a lot of time to do matchups. And 2) where is the proof that she used the money for the business? Do you have those transactions and recipients? If you don’t, don’t say it.

I really try to be a kind person, but seriosuly, this is just so wrong on so many levels. Others may eat this up, but not me.

“How many times does she have to apologize for you to be satisfied?”

Once. We’ve said time and time again if she would just privately message people like SHE said she would we wouldn’t have even made it to this stage. We would have seen she is willing to change and she won’t do the same things again and her victims will have some sort of closure but she still refuses to apologize even once. Even though SHE said she’d apologize to people? The only apology she has put out was one single apology for plagiarising the book club rules which was false, because she plagiarised the entire book club

“She made mistakes. I’m not going to deny that. But is it enough to make a whole ass hate blog?”

So why hasn’t she apologized for those mistakes? She hasn’t owned up to anything. Just stealing the book clubs rules. One single thing that wasn’t even the full picture, in order to make herself look innocent. And even with that she blamed it on her mental health

“Under your own self righteous beliefs you have blasted minors about their mistakes (aka me) to help your cause.”

We never blasted you, we just showed you facts about Morgan that you decided to ignore which is completely fine and up to you. Morgan has also bullied minors and “blasted” minors but we don’t see you questioning her about that?

“You have claimed someone is racist without any proof. “

There are screenshots proving this.

“You have agreed with an anonymous person that a whole discord server is racist, when literally there are POC users in it.”

You must understand that a server and it’s members can still be racist with POC in it. Nobody is that ignorant

“The amount of falsities you have is atrocious.”

Point them out to us

“If this was serious you would go to the appropriate authorities, like the police, yet you haven’t.”

We want apologies and to make sure she learns from her mistakes. It’s not like we’re trying to put her in jail. That response definitely shows your understanding

“How many apologies do you need?”

One. One single apology. Where she actually owns up to things she’s done TO her victims. Not just stealing some rules because she “forgot” she saw them somewhere before and accidentally copy and pasted them word for word

“Why is it every damn time Morgan posts you gotta psychoanalyze it to make her a bad person?”

Because she has the time to make herself into the victim over and over, without apologizing to anyone. She reads all the pleas from her victims for apologies and still nothing. In the time it takes her to send us anonymous messages she could have apologized to ONE person.

“And you know what, any person would be affected by this. Imagine if someone made a whole blog to just degrade you and make people believe your this shit bag and bashing any little thing you do. And then have people send you hate on a daily. It would afffect anyone. It’s so disgusting. No matter what age you are, whoever you are running this, this is so fucked on so many levels. “

It’s odd that Morgan hasn’t been receiving any hate recently isn’t it?

We’ve said time and time again if Morgan would just give ONE apology we would see that she’s willing to change and stop this blog. You know Morgan deleted the nasty call out post she wrote herself because we deleted a post that we made on this blog showing what an awful person she was? And she was so desperate for it to be deleted because it ruined her image that she cares about so deeply (more than her actual friends) that she deleted her post to try and save herself? So why she won’t apologize even once really confuses us.

“Half the stuff you accuse Morgan of you have no proof or say you have proof and never show it, saying you’re still working on it.”

We’ve shown it to someone who said they would speak to Morgan but they’re waiting for the other half, but even then we know Morgan knows who she’s hurt because we’ve seen screenshots of her admitting it... Yet she still hasn’t apologized?

Also, we find it amusing that you haven’t commented on any of the “proof” we’ve posted which shows Morgan being a bully, gaslighter, manipulator, plaigirist, thief or just a nasty person. You only want to defend her which is fine, but you can’t deny the evidence that we have posted. The multiple victims.

“So yeah, she probabaly didn’t have a lot of time to do matchups. And 2) where is the proof that she used the money for the business? Do you have those transactions and recipients? If you don’t, don’t say it.”

But why did she lie and say she’d done them and queued them? Why message people screenshots saying that you were going to post their paid matchups and then never post them? Why not just be honest? This is the issue, she lies about everything.

Do you have the proof she didn’t? The money from the matchups entered her account and this means it’s hers to use as she wishes. Why did it take her months to refund anyone? Even when they asked for it. That money could have been the difference between someone making their rent for the month or eating or not. Do you realize how hard it is to survive during this pandemic? Stealing money during COVID and refusing to refund people for weeks or months is wrong on so many levels you can’t sit there and be ok with that?

“I really try to be a kind person, but seriosuly, this is just so wrong on so many levels. Others may eat this up, but not me.”

We think it’s great that you try to be a kind person, but you blindly ignoring the proof and just following Morgan is wrong. She’s a terrible human being and you’re enabling her to hurt more people. You’re lucky that she hasn’t hurt you, but when we have even one of her closest friends in our private messages telling us how awful she is... that should speak volumes to the kind of person you’re supporting

[sparrowwritings]

Writing Challenge Day Six: Eventually

Day Five -- Masterpost -- Day Seven

Elliot stared down at Shiloh. She didn’t have to look away from her game to know that he was giving her that stare that other people would consider judgmental. He definitely couldn’t feel anything like that. At least, she hoped he couldn’t. “Something important going on?” This was said towards the screen instead of at the golem.

“You have told Verity you would put up the dishes by today. It is currently 10:56 PM and the dishes have not been put away.” His monotone voice boomed around her. The mechanics were a little odd, but sometimes Elliot could direct his voice in such a way that only Shiloh could hear. One day she’d have to hash out how exactly that worked. Not now, of course.

She tapped the button combination that allowed the colorful cartoon character on screen to jump several times and attack the enemy in its way at the end of the last bounce. “That didn’t mean that I had to do it literally by this exact date. I could put them up at three in the morning and she’ll live with it.” The end of the stage was in sight, hampered only by a series of temporary platforms that Shiloh’s character would have to navigate. “Besides, I’m almost at the end of the game.”

“You have pushed off the chore seven times since she first asked you to do it this morning.” 

“Yeah and it’s not the end of the world that I’m not getting the dishes done right now, El.” Shiloh’s tongue poked out of her mouth as she concentrated on finishing the level. “Just a little bit longer…”

It’s not like the chore was all that hard. Really it would only take her a few minutes to put everything away. It was the principle of the matter, really. Shiloh just had better things to do! That didn’t include dishes. 

Also she couldn’t just ask Elliot to put them up for her. He would get clay stains all over the clean dishes and Verity put up with with a lot but dirt all over the dishes was not something she could tolerate.

(Shiloh didn’t see what the big deal was, she accidentally ate clay all the time and she was fine!)

“You are also expecting Verity to be too confused after her transformation to realize that you hadn’t put away the dishes until very late.” Elliot’s voice invaded her thoughts.

Shiloh tapped a direction button on pure instinct and her character comically fell into the spikes below. “Oh nooooo!” The TV cried as the lives counter ticked down by one and the character respawned at the most recent checkpoint. 

She dropped the controller and pointed an accusatory finger at Elliot. “Hey now,” There was a warning in her tone. “What have I told you about psychoanalyzing me?”

The golem’s mouth opened a little wider and her own voice came from his body. “Don’t fucking psychoanalyze me into a guilt trip for god’s sake.” 

“Exactly.” Shiloh huffed. “So unless you want me to put it into an order, just drop it!” She turned back around and picked up the controller again.

The only sounds between the master and creation were the noises of the video game for a long while. Finally, once she hit a difficult jumping puzzle Shiloh groaned and hit pause. She slid off the couch and slouched her way over to the kitchen. “God fucking dammit, every fucking time…” She muttered as she started her chore. 

Just behind her, Elliot allowed himself a small smile before returning his expression to its normal, neutral one. He had been ordered to not directly guilt her...but reminders were not meant for anything related to guilt. Her own conscience tended to do most of the work for him, eventually.

Still, he would need to be more subtle about them for the next time.

[chats-noir]

So here’s my review on the newest MLB episode (Chris Master):

Although I was lowkey disappointed in this episode ngl, cause one, I thought there would be more ig, and two, cause I feel like it was kinda a filler episode if you yk what I mean (??) I still liked it for multiple reasons and here’s why:

Chris is probably the cutest kid they ever put on this show (although August is vv cute ok)

*In future episodes I want some more Nino and Chris content just saying cause ugh I can see lots of brotherly love there, and we just don’t get enough Nino in this show*

Going off what I said about Nino, he’s literally so pure and cute in this episode. (And I have so many questions for Santa and why the hell Nino is so low on the list like??)

I love Marinette, Nino, and Alya’s friendship it’s so cute, and I love how they immediately go to Mari to watch Nino’s little brother while they go on a date. (love them :’) ) Marinette really is THAT babysitter.

And I LOVE whenever Alya calls Marinette ‘girl’ like idk why but friendship goals right there y’all.

Although Chris was kind a a brat to Mari at first, Marinette and Chris’ little friendship is sweet, and even if Marinette lied to Chris and stuff about her being an elf and making up the whole story about Santa, it was still a cute moment where Chris was so fascinated and paid such close attention to Marinette and her words.

I wish Carapace was in this episode only for the fact that Chris is Nino’s brother and I want to seem him get protective and such over Chris although then it might get too personal and Carapace might just get in the way. (Then again, it would probably add a little more suspense to the episode too)

I read a post about how someone thought the Santa Claus in this episode was fake cause he would know who Ladybug and Chat’s identity is and Ladybug would not be the best kid in the world (lol true) and I agree. Adding on to that theory, I feel like Chris subconsciously made that Santa to make his ‘dream’ come true (even if Santa denied that he was the best kid). And this could also be because he heard everything Marinette told him and believed her.

I honestly really liked the whole concept with Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting ‘toy versions’ of them idk why I just found it interesting.

Although I wish there were more sentimental Ladynoir moments there’s one point when they’re fighting their toy selves, and they’re talking and Chat sees his ‘toy version’ coming towards them and he grabs and pushes Ladybug away. uwu my heart !!

AND WHEN CHAT SASSED LADYBUG AFTER SHE WAS LIKE “don’t you think this whole thing is kinda strange?” AND HE DEAD RESPONDED WITH “Stranger than fighting a pharoah’s reincarnation or a pigeon overlord empowered by magical butterflies you mean?” AND HE HAS THIS SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHILE SHE HAS THE MOST BORED LOOK IVE EVER SEEN ON HER FACE WHEN HES TALKING TO HER SKSKSKS

Love how Santa was over on the side of the ice rink pouting about all the hatred in the world I laughed so hard when the scene cut to the toys, Chat Noir, and Ladybug flailing across the ice as Philippe is gracefully skating across it sksksks

When I was watching this episode, I was just watching really closely at the details for some reason, and can I just say no matter how good any episode is or how good the plot is, the animation is always so beautiful ? Like I was just watching Mari in the beginning and you can notice her little ticks whether it be just little twitches or the way her hair moves or she moves, it’s just always so good.

Chat Noir in a Santa hat that is too big for his head makes my heart go swoosh. The only emoji to describe that is this 🥰 (rip to anyone who can’t see that emoji I’m sorry it’s the new blushing emoji with hearts around it if you must know.)

This episode is actually so colorful and I love it like wow.

I love Nino and Ladybug’s interaction (new friendship please??) and I love when Santa lets his list fall on the ground they’re completely ~shook~ reaction lmao

Nino was so concerned for his brother and was begging Ladybug to help find Chris even while everything was going on and it was freaking snowing in Paris, like this kid is so oblivious but I love him.

When Ladybug used Nino’s back to lean on as she wrote what she wanted for Christmas was adorable especially because Nino had this little confused kind of smile on his face omg

The fact that Ladybug literally asks Santa Claus for whatever Chris wants even when it’s the only thing she could have all year from Santa is the most selfless, wholesome thing to happen in this episode ugh

BUT WHEN CHAT GETS UPSET THAT LADYBUG IS THE BEST BEHAVING KID IN THE WORLD AND SHE GETS COCKY AND GIVES HIM THE LOOK I WHEEZED SO HARD

Chat was the cutest thing ever, he is pure and he radiated Adrien vibes the whole time I watched this.

When Ladybug sniffs Santa’s hat I was like ‘wtf’ but then when she described the basic smells of Christmas it made me want December to come faster.

^^which also made me wonder what month is it supposed to be in the mlb timeline rn??

Ngl, Philippe kinda annoys me normally, but I loved the moments with him and Chat begging for presents from Santa Claus in this. Comedy g o l d .

The fact that Marinette actually made gifts for Adrien’s next thirty five birthdays. This kid better embrace his feelings for her soon before it becomes even more borderline creepy lmao

I feel like also at the end it just shows how much growth Chris went through between the beginning of the episode and him being akumatized considering it’s in a span of like a day.

When at the end the mischievous little shit Chris still wanted to know what was inside Mari’s trunk even after technically getting akumatized by his curiosity about it and after Marinette tries to explain its has stuff for her crush in it and he ended up cutting her off saying it was ‘gross’ anyways

^^and how all this time Marinette was thinking about his whole elaborate response to it and how he would probably go back to his brother to tell him, who would go to Adrien and tell him, and it would be hella awkward at school but she didn’t even get that far into telling him before he stopped her.😂😂

Marinette chasing Chris around at the very end and teasing him is just proof she will be a great mother and amazing aunt to Nino and Alya’s kids.👀

And Marinette’s denial and utmost confusion throughout this whole episode just ties it all together and makes it better than it already is.

Overall, this episode was very cute. (As I stated twenty billion times already in my reasons of liking this show)

I seriously psychoanalyzed this episode w o w but it’s fine these are just my observations on everything.

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: Cheers for ruining my birthday, like Rio: What are you on about? Buster: I'm not typing with my voice so I know I didn't slur on that Rio: Yeah, but you're chatting shit Buster: Am I fuck Buster: What did you come for? Rio: Your sister invited me Rio: as it's her birthday too Buster: She ain't even fucking invited Buster: It's my party not hers Rio: You're unreal Rio: neither of us wants to be at your shitty party Rio: which was lame before I got here and we'll be gone as soon as we can so calm down Buster: Then get out Buster: Neither of you are wanted here Rio: 😥 Rio: Like I said, go when we're ready Rio: Ignore us and have a fabulous evening Buster: Like I said, you're ruining it Rio: I don't really care Rio: I'm here to make sure Nancy has a good time, not you Buster: Yeah 'cause she's really gonna have a good time here Buster: You're unreal Rio: Are you thick? Rio: YOU stole her guestlist so she HAS to be here 'til your parents are satisfied Rio: you only have yourself to blame so don't cry at me Buster: Are you thick? My parents aren't. They know Nance ain't got no mates & what's happening here Rio: Take it up with them then Rio: Literally not my problem Buster: I'm taking it up with you Buster: 'Cause you & her being here are my problem Rio: She's your fucking sister Buster: Exactly Rio: You can't just pretend she doesn't exist Buster: What I can't have is one night where I don't have to beat up some cunt for trying to straighten her out, apparently Buster: Whether it's my birthday or not Rio: Sorry she's not hideous and your friends have no self-control Rio: not really an us problem though so Buster: Your nice act has vanished totally by now then, yeah? Rio: I'm not going to be nice to you when you're being a spoilt baby Buster: Literally has never stopped you before Rio: No saint Rio: sometimes it's easier to ignore, when you're not being a total twat Buster: That'll be why you're dressed like such a whore Buster: Did you want me to ignore that? Rio: Obviously Rio: Not for you or this shitshow is it Buster: It's for my sister then? Buster: Cute Rio: You're so fucking messed up Buster: It's a party Buster: That's the point Rio: Mm enjoy Buster: Do you want a line before you fuck off? Rio: Seriously? Buster: What can I say? Host with the most Rio: Fuck off Rio: I'd sooner die than be drug buddies with you after how you've just spoken to me and about your sister Buster: I didn't offer it off my body, calm down Rio: Regardless, I don't want to go anywhere with you Rio: if I want some, I'll get my own Buster: I weren't offering to hold your hand, babe Buster: You're a big girl now Buster: It's there if you want it, end of discussion Rio: Yeah, just hand it over in front of your 'rents Rio: fucking genius Buster: My bathroom's set up already you fucking amateur Buster: You know the way Rio: Bye Buster: For now Rio: Easy enough to avoid until we're gone Buster: You've had years of practice but there's still no calling it that Rio: How many lines of you had Rio: the shit you're spewing rn Rio: take a break Buster: Catch up Buster: It'd be more fun Rio: There's no chance of having fun here Rio: tah Buster: Maybe you'd at least be able to keep up if you caught up though that'd be fun for me Rio: I told you Rio: I don't care if you have a shit time Rio: sorry 'bout it Buster: Tell yourself how much you don't care a few more times Rio: I'm telling you Rio: fucking spoilt brat, don't see no actual 👑 and fuck you anyway even if there was, golden boy Buster: I don't believe you Buster: You don't believe you Rio: As thrilling as talking in circles with you is Buster: Fuck me was the only part that was real there, babe Buster: That's your circle Buster: We always come back to it Rio: YOU do Rio: your favourite topic of conversation Buster: What do you wanna talk about? My sister some more Buster: Jesus Rio: We don't need to talk at all Rio: sure my name was in the card from the fam, yeah Buster: & yet we are & we do Rio: You started it Buster: Yeah Buster: I own that Rio: Nothing to be proud Rio: of Buster: I've got plenty more shit I can be Buster: It's alright Rio: Where Buster: I'll show you Buster: Come here Rio: Yeah, that's happening Buster: Then don't ask stupid questions Rio: Not stupid just because you don't have a better answer than that Buster: I don't need a better answer than that Buster: Not for you Rio: Love that cop-out Rio: so convenient Buster: I know you do Rio: 😂 Buster: Just go Rio: Stop talking to me Buster: Stop showing up at my birthday parties Rio: Awh diddums Buster: I'm serious Rio: Ooh Buster: She invited you, you didn't have to come Rio: I like Nancy Rio: she's family Rio: why wouldn't I Buster: Then meet her somewhere else Buster: Wherever the fuck you're meant to be going Rio: Than her house? Rio: You ain't special Rio: where do you think I'm gonna stay, hotel by myself Buster: Her room isn't next to mine like yours is next to whichever one of your siblings drew that straw Buster: I don't have to see you then Buster: I'm only seeing you now 'cause you want me to Rio: Oh my God Rio: actually dellusional Rio: Halloween came first, kid Rio: or you really out here thinking the world is celebrating Buster: One day maybe Buster: For now, nah Rio: 🙄 Rio: Then get a grip and get over it Buster: Get a grip on what & get over what? Buster: That you still love me or my sister don't Rio: Jesus Rio: you got the nerve when you uninvited her from her own birthday Rio: you know she don't even wanna be here so it was an empty gesture and you still couldn't be nice about it Buster: I didn't say it weren't mutual Buster: She's weak & that ain't my problem or my fault Rio: Oh, I didn't know I was speaking to the fucking ubermensch here Rio: nothing like some german philosophy to bring out the cunt in a white boy, cool Buster: 😂 Rio: Seriously, quote some Rand at me so I can just write you off the christmas card list now Buster: 'The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.' Rio: Thanks Rio: now we can give up this pretense once and for all Buster: I aim to please, babe Buster: Never let it be said you don't get what you want Rio: No one's ever said that Rio: 'cos you ain't the only person in the world who matters, Bateman Buster: That'd be so much more impressive if you meant it, Golden girl Rio: You're ridiculous Buster: So are you Rio: At least I'm not you Buster: If that'd make me you in this scenario then I'm glad too, like Rio: Everyone knows how glad you are to be you Rio: no need to go over that again Buster: & Everyone knows you want them to think you love yourself almost as much Buster: Shame you don't Rio: You're gonna psychoanalyze me now? Rio: glad the sessions are going well for you but that's a really annoying rookie habit Buster: I don't need to, you're obvious to even a casual fucking observer, like Buster: Give up that pretense if you're bothering to leave any behind Rio: Oh yeah, I'm whoring it up 'cos I'm desperate for validation and esteem from any cunt who'll give it Rio: Good one, Freud, such a hot take Buster: Not what I said Rio: Exactly what you meant Rio: worry 'bout yourself, I'm doing just fine Buster: I don't reckon you've ever had any idea exactly what I mean Buster: Probably don't try & start now Rio: That galaxy brain, whoever could compete Rio: I'm not trying, you're boring Buster: It ain't even that, you wanna deliberately misunderstand Rio: Yeah, love that Rio: blame me when you literally called me it Rio: gaslight some other bitch Buster: One day you're gonna stop fighting this if not me Buster: But yeah, there are plenty of other girls til then Rio: Fighting what Buster: Not today then, is it? Buster: Alright Rio: Wouldn't want to ruin your big day more than I already have Rio: how rude Buster: You've already shown up uninvited without a gift, taking all my spotlight, how much more out of order are you trying to be? Rio: Yeah, knew you loved it Rio: but protest some more, right Buster: What am I meant to love? Rio: Me ruining your life, apparently Buster: If that's apparent to you, you're fucked in more ways than I can start to try & analyze babe Rio: Again, you said it Rio: the drama is real Buster: & you said I was chatting shit Buster: So which is it? Rio: You are but you can believe and love the bullshit still Rio: hasn't stopped you before Buster: You wish Buster: But you don't get one, it's all me Rio: Thought you didn't need them Buster: I don't Buster: Maybe I want it Buster: Part of wanting everything, like Rio: Mhmm Buster: What do you want? Rio: I don't get one Buster: Doesn't mean you can't still want one Rio: You know you have to keep it secret or it don't come true, yeah Rio: that's wish law #1 Buster: What are you the fucking wish police? Buster: Come on Rio: Why do you wanna know Rio: got no ideas for when its time to blow out the candles or Buster: Christ, forget I fucking asked the question if you're gonna be such a pussy about it Rio: I will Rio: Nosy Buster: Better than boring Buster: Or scared Buster: If you don't ask, you don't get Rio: and sometimes, you still won't get Rio: there's a gift for you Buster: Cheers Buster: I'll wrap that bullshit back up for Nance, she'll take it wholeheartedly Buster: I always get what I want though Rio: Obviously not Buster: Where? Rio: Where to start Rio: [time to be properly chatting to that lad] Buster: [Oh good, time to be 😒 but also on the girl that you're meant to be about] Rio: [least you gotta go now so Nancy doesn't kill you, in a bit lads] Buster: [Leave him kissing & dancing & drinking & drunk taking] Buster: [drug* what] Rio: [idk what they're doing, maybe I'll look but let's assume it's cool] Buster: [lowkey anything's better than this] Rio: [soz rich kid party is not a mood] Buster: [it's really not & we all know it, him included even this early on] Buster: [later obvs] Buster: Where's Nance? Rio: She wanted to go bed and chill Rio: I'm not tired yet so Buster: Didn't ask for an update on your mood Rio: Not a mood but alright Rio: you got your answer as well Buster: & you got my point so calm the fuck down Rio: I'm chilling Buster: Good for you Rio: I'm not in your way so leave it Buster: You are in my way so leave though Rio: How am I Buster: How aren't you? Buster: We've been over it Rio: You're still getting attention, you're fine Buster: Fuck fine Buster: You're out of excuses, it ain't about giving my sister a good time anymore, so go, like Rio: I'm not going Rio: like him that much I'll go get a drink and you can slip back in, alright Buster: Shut up Rio: Exactly, you're being stupid Rio: you don't need everyone's undivided do you Rio: just hers, like Buster: You don't need to be here Buster: But you are Rio: 'cos I can Rio: I'm not hiding in your sister's room 'cos you're in a mood for some reason Buster: Some reason Buster: You know what the reason is Rio: Of course, I've 'ruined' your birthday Buster: You're still trying to Buster: Put my fucking mates down, yeah? Rio: Nah Rio: I'm over here trying to have a conversation Rio: not about you Buster: & you don't reckon he's gonna have a convo with me about it when you're done Buster: I don't wanna hear it Rio: Tell him to shut up Rio: What do you want me to tell you Buster: I'm telling you to shut up Buster: Before I have to tell him Rio: You don't tell me what to do or not Rio: if you reckon you got that kinda power over your friends go ahead Buster: Then tell yourself not to do it Buster: Fucking hell Rio: What Rio: Oh my God Buster: [is just fuming bitch like he's gotta go hit something probably excuse him] Rio: [just chatting to this lad oh girl] Buster: [when that girl he's with has probably gone to find him, oh girl x 2] Rio: [awkward, how this party going from bad to worse] Buster: [#hisinfluence] Buster: [When he probably shouted at her or told her to fuck off or something in private so then they gotta make up & everyone's gotta see it ew teens] Rio: [when you're lowkey disgusted] Buster: [aren't we all babe, at least she'd be cuter than most of the girls because one he was most bothered about/could have had something if he wasn't such a fake bitch] ] Rio: [take this lad to the garden for a hot sec 'cos don't need to be seeing this] Buster: [you brought that on yourself boy] Rio: [not gonna make you lose your v in the garden though bit rude, least they'd have guest rooms] Buster: [& a hot tub just saying] Rio: [potential] Rio: [boy should post a selfie rn 'cos duh you'd wanna brag] Buster: [that's so real] Buster: [Let's say Buster comes to have a word with said lad like just gonna pull him away and be like can you not bitch] Rio: Really Buster: Really Rio: Are you trying to be my dad Rio: what the hell Buster: You told me to have a word Buster: Just giving you what you want again, babe Rio: I thought you had some sense Rio: and enough pride to not Rio: fucking hell Buster: Back at you, Cavante Rio: What Rio: he's cute Rio: and the least annoying person at this party Rio: you should know, he's your friend Buster: Whatever you say Rio: Thanks for realizing that Buster: That you're full of shit Buster: Yeah, I did ages ago Rio: How am I Buster: Get some standards & get out of my party, like Rio: Easy Rio: [hit up that hot tub] Buster: [oh joy, I love that for us all] Rio: [when you're wearing a swimsuit basically so you good] Buster: [almost like she planned it] Rio: [at least it's died down enough you ain't gonna be the biggest spectacle ever] Buster: [don't need people filming you thanks] Rio: [chloe would sneaky rat] Buster: [girl you are the worst] Rio: [at least you gonna be looking good n doing but rude] Buster: [and at least it weren't the lad who filmed it & he's actually alright] Rio: [been a hater since day 1 i lol] Buster: [you put a baby in that boy, have a word with yourself] Rio: [yikes] Rio: [how we getting rid of this boy though 'cos he's gonna wanna stay and they ain't sleeping sleeping together 'cos too intimate not for you soz and also baze would find you in the morning and you'd be in the deepest of shit so?] Buster: [Maybe Chloe posts the vid & of course it gets to him really fast & when he sees it he's like THE PARTY'S OVER and kicks everyone out but he can't kick Rio out obvs] Rio: [sounds real, when you're just there like oh fuck] Buster: [when you go to your room in a huff slammed door and all like excuse you for not doing a Chris Ramsey drunk clean up tbh] Rio: Do you know who posted it Buster: Some girl Buster: Ask Nance Buster: [Because I feel like Chlo would have got one of her friends to do her dirty work cos sneaky rat who don't wanna get in trouble /get backlash cos she already likes Buster lbr] Rio: I'll just get it taken down Rio: doesn't matter really Buster: Good luck Rio: It's illegal, no one will want their name attached to that Rio: no one with any sense, I'll just remind them Buster: If they had any sense they wouldn't have posted it Buster: Clearly Rio: Yeah well Buster: Yeah well it's already been sent around everywhere anyway Rio: So what? Buster: So like I said, good luck erasing that Rio: I was just asking if you knew Buster: & I already told you Rio: Yeah thanks Rio: big help Buster: You didn't help yourself, that ain't my fault Rio: I'm not asking for your opinion Rio: it's your party, you should know who it was Buster: You wanted Nance to be included, let her figure it out Rio: She's sleeping Rio: and I'd rather not Buster: She's online Buster: So I doubt that Rio: Well I don't want to talk to her Buster: Well I don't wanna talk to you Buster: & I also don't care if you wanna talk to her or not Rio: I'm not trying to talk just find out Rio: how hard can it be Buster: Easy Buster: So easy that you don't need my help Rio: They're your cunty friends Buster: So's your new boyfriend Buster: Ask him Rio: Oh yeah, that'd be fun Rio: fuck sake Buster: Not my problem Rio: I hate you Buster: So what? Rio: So what I said Buster: Hate me then Buster: I'm not about to lose sleep over it Rio: I do Buster: You're not talking to Nance, I can read Buster: No need to repeat yourself, like Rio: Why can't you do this one thing Rio: I'm not asking you to care Buster: Why should I? Buster: I told you to leave my mates alone & you wouldn't Rio: So I deserved that to happen? Buster: If you're stupid enough not to fuck behind a locked door then yeah Rio: Fine Buster: Goodnight Rio: Right Buster: [time skip to the next day when everyone's talking about the vid & his mate is loving the attention or at least pretending to] Rio: Give me your postcode Rio: need to call a cab Buster: [Does] Rio: Tah Rio: If you're parents ask, I've gone home already Buster: Not me they'd ask Buster: I didn't invite you here Rio: Whatever Rio: You know the story now Buster: Whatever Buster: I'm inundated with loads of stories already, I ain't got time for yours Rio: 💔 Rio: Truly Rio: poor boy Buster: 'Course you are Rio: Nah Rio: I'm over it Rio: you should try it Buster: You should try not telling me what to do Rio: You should try not being so boring Buster: Says you Rio: That's the word you're using this morning Rio: makes a change Rio: just when I'd got used to my old title Buster: Get over that too Rio: S'alright Rio: don't need you when there's plenty other people dying for the chance to call me it Buster: 💔 truly Buster: Poor you Rio: Do I sound bothered? Rio: Keep up Rio: but don't, you aren't invited Buster: I'm not listening Buster: Keep up Rio: Too busy with the other stories? Rio: Cute Buster: It ain't cute Buster: None of it Rio: Leave your review in the comments Buster: Fuck off Rio: Go on Rio: give us something to laugh about Buster: Go on & fuck off Buster: How else do you want me to say it? Rio: Going, aren't I Rio: so touchy Buster: For someone who hates me, you're so chatty Rio: I told you, you're funny Rio: Hilarious, even Buster: I've told you, I aim to please Buster: Enjoy yourself Rio: Not the only one Buster: The only one who's funny though Rio: Not going to talk to him Rio: so I'm not too 💔 Buster: Lucky you Rio: Know you like him Rio: not exclusive and I'll be gone soon so don't be too jealous Buster: Shut up Buster: He's a cunt with a big mouth who I have to see every weekday until we graduate Buster: So cheers Rio: Lucky you Buster: Yeah Buster: I'm going out, try not to fuck anyone else & have it filmed before you leave Buster: Unless I don't know them Rio: Make no promises Rio: least of all to you Buster: I'm not too 💔 don't worry Buster: Doubt you could keep one Rio: Yeah right Buster: Right Buster: Don't hurry back, I won't have another birthday for you to ruin for ages now Rio: You still think this was in any way about you? Buster: For me, it's about me Buster: My birthday was fucked Rio: I don't feel sorry for you Buster: I don't give a shit Buster: & I also didn't ask Rio: That's ALL you're doing Rio: boohoo Rio: I'm glad it was ruined Rio: happy accident Buster: Be glad then Rio: Awh thanks Rio: so sweet Buster: So welcome Rio: 💕 Rio: Oh, you won't speak to your sister will you? Know you usually don't bother Buster: Do you not think before you type? Rio: Don't think before I do anything Rio: Obviously Rio: don't tell her where I've gone, she'll actually give a shit and I don't need that Buster: Obviously Rio: Thanks Rio: got some use Buster: Not doing it for you Buster: But yeah, go ahead & reap the benefits Rio: You think she hasn't seen it? Rio: Or actually tried to help already Rio: She's the decent one, remember Buster: I never said it was for her either Buster: I don't want to talk to her, it's that simple Rio: Can always rely on you to be simple Buster: Hilarious Rio: I already said you were, babe Buster: I was saying you are Buster: Except I wasn't Buster: Simple, yeah? Rio: More bullshit from you Rio: not so much simple as expected Buster: What can I say? You had enough disappointment in the hot tub Buster: No need for me to add to it Rio: That ain't what you saw, or heard Buster: What do you care, you're over it Rio: Changing bullshit for outright lying Rio: You're better than that Buster: Who says? Rio: You, constantly Rio: usually Buster: & You say I'm chatting shit Rio: You're the best, aren't you? Rio: Or that's another lie Buster: Obviously Rio: To which bit Buster: Take it however you like Rio: Suddenly being generous Buster: That don't count as generosity unless you count ending this convo as that Rio: Nah Rio: Entertain me 'til I get there Buster: That wouldn't be generosity either Rio: Host with the most, you said Buster: That was last night Buster: & you didn't take me up on it then Rio: I am now Buster: Well it's not an offer I'm extending now Buster: Unlucky Rio: Come on Buster: Nah Rio: Pussy Buster: That's the best you can do? Rio: You said you don't wanna find out Buster: Now you're choosing to care about what I want Buster: Bullshit Rio: Not gonna do it just because I want to Rio: not that bitch Buster: & You're calling me a pussy Rio: You want me to jump you? Rio: The kind of preference that needs a safeword and you don't wanna talk so Buster: 😂 Rio: Such a joker today Buster: Laugh or cry, yeah? Rio: Nothing to cry about Rio: still got to make your wish, yeah Buster: Still according to you, I am Rio: Why else Buster: What? Rio: Why else wouldn't you take me up on it Buster: Why would I take you up on anything? Rio: You can't pretend this with me Buster: You ain't special, babe Buster: & I can do anything Rio: Bullshit Buster: Which part are you wishing weren't true? Rio: Didn't get a wish, don't need one Buster: Don't stop you wanting one though, does it? Rio: You're the only one who's gonna regret it Rio: like I said, pussy Buster: Like I said, nah Rio: And I told you, you can't lie to me Buster: I'm not Rio: Whatever Rio: I'm here so you can go bore someone else Rio: great chat Buster: Nice try on the sarcasm Buster: I thought you weren't gonna bother Rio: Obviously what you're into Buster: Cute Buster: But it'd take more than that for me to be into you Rio: You're so bad at this Buster: Stop trying to prolong it then Rio: Someone's got to teach you Rio: like old times Buster: You didn't teach me fuck all Rio: 😂 Buster: The only thing that I've ever learned from being around you is that I shouldn't drink brandy Rio: Yeah, and it's been how long since you ignored that lesson Rio: Hopeless Buster: Good thing I don't need hope then Rio: You know what you need Rio: so do I Buster: & You think I'm bad at this Rio: If you ever wanna stop being boring and bored, let me know Buster: If you're ever capable of being the solution to my boredom, I will Rio: Awh, but you don't need solutions to your perfect life, yeah golden boy? Buster: Being bored doesn't take the shine off my life, babe Buster: Name someone our age who isn't Rio: You're always gonna be bored Buster: & If I am, you won't be the solution Rio: You ain't looking Rio: wanna be prom king forever Rio: ain't fun and it ain't real but what's that matter to you Buster: What's it matter to you? Rio: I give a shit Rio: I can own it Buster: No you don't Rio: Do though Buster: Bullshit Buster: If you gave a single fuck about me you wouldn't fuck my friend at my birthday & make me see & hear about it Rio: I didn't think you would Buster: Even if there wasn't a video he was always gonna brag about it Buster: Come on Rio: That wasn't why I did it Buster: I don't care why you did it Rio: You can't say I don't care based on that Rio: is all I'm saying Buster: Yeah I can Rio: Alright but it's not true Buster: It is Rio: You wish it was Buster: Why would I wish for that? Rio: Easier Buster: Fuck that Rio: I'm sorry Rio: alright Buster: No, it ain't, 'cause you being sorry or saying it don't change anything Rio: They'll stop talking about it soon Buster: & Then it'll be like it didn't happen, yeah? Buster: Shut up Rio: Yeah, basically Buster: Nah, basically he was the least cunty of my friends & now he ain't anymore Buster: So cheers Rio: You can still be mates Rio: he'll get over it too Buster: I can't fucking look at him Buster: Try again Rio: You too Rio: come on Buster: Come on, what? Get some new mates so you can fuck them as well Rio: No like Rio: just forget about it Rio: don't think about it Buster: Yeah sure Rio: I said sorry Rio: it doesn't need to be this big thing Buster: It can be whatever the fuck you want, for you Rio: I'm Rio: just trying to help Buster: Don't Rio: I'm going, alright Rio: I can't do any more for you than that then, yeah? Rio: You hate me so just keep telling everyone that and they'll know you don't care Buster: I said, don't Buster: Even if I needed your advice, which let's face it I never fucking will, I ain't asking Rio: Let me do something Buster: Too late to start asking for my permission, babe Rio: Buster Buster: You can't use my name against me either, you ain't my mum Rio: I'm not trying to Buster: I know what you're trying to do Rio: I just wanna put it right Buster: How shit for you that you can't then Buster: You'll have to just want Rio: Fine Rio: spite yourself Buster: You think this is my loss? Nah Rio: Nah, you don't get to chat that when I ruined your birthday and took your bestest mate Rio: you don't get to have it both ways so how do you want it Buster: I get to have it any way I want, how haven't you figured that out yet, like Buster: I'll have another birthday in a year & some new mates you can fuck by then too probably Buster: Have another go then if you fancy it Rio: Because it's not true Rio: How fucking fragile is your throne if all it takes is one person who doesn't buy into your bullshit to come in and it's all gone Rio: you've got fuck all and it's sad and I do feel bad for you, really bad Buster: Cute Rio: Not even a little bit Buster: You said it Buster: Go whore around your own postcode for a while & we'll reconvene at the next family gathering I get dragged to Rio: Get some help Rio: Seriously Buster: Go work for the Samaritan's or some shit, you've really found a calling, like Rio: Thanks Buster: I'll catch you on the other end of a phone line then Buster: Clearly Rio: That's not funny Buster: I ain't laughing Rio: Stop it Buster: But if I keep going, I can offer you an apology and we'll be even, yeah? Rio: Say what you like about me Rio: you always have Rio: I don't need one Buster: Good Buster: I'd hate to keep you waiting on it Rio: This isn't about me Buster: Well it ain't about me Buster: You don't fucking know me Rio: They do, do they Buster: Irrelevant Rio: Do you enjoy it Buster: Obviously Buster: Can't you tell? Rio: You don't want me to tell you what I can tell Rio: not repeating myself, am I Buster: Doesn't normally stop you Rio: Well, I'm trying Rio: not afraid to admit it either Buster: Good for you Rio: What happened Buster: Do you wanna be any less vague? Rio: To you Buster: Really cleared things up, cheers Rio: You know what I mean Rio: and you probably have ideas too Rio: you can tell me Buster: Why would or should I though? Rio: What do you have to lose Buster: What the fuck is there to gain? Rio: Find out Buster: Nice try Rio: What do I gain Buster: Answers Buster: That's generally what people want when they ask a question Rio: Nah Buster: Then stop asking Rio: No Buster: Good talk, babe Buster: Cheers Rio: One day Rio: You'll actually do it and you'll actually mean it Buster: Yeah but not with or for you Rio: I don't care who it's with Buster: One day you'll actually mean that Rio: More likely than you finding anyone here to talk to Buster: I don't want to talk to anyone here Rio: I know Buster: Don't worry about my odds then Rio: I will Rio: because you need to Buster: I don't Rio: Yes you do Buster: Stop chatting shit at me Buster: You call me out for it enough Rio: You know why Buster: Do I? Rio: Yes Buster: No Rio: You do but we don't have to talk about that now Buster: You haven't shut up about anything else Buster: Might as well Rio: You know it ain't the right time Buster: Like a right time exists Rio: Maybe not Buster: A maybe is ridiculous, even for you Rio: Probably Rio: oh well Buster: Are we done? Buster: I'm not pissing about with your one word answers Rio: Defensive 'cos you're not giving even that Rio: but sure, if you want Buster: I can be offensive if you'd rather Rio: How you usually do Rio: Not going to bring up your stamina right now but well Buster: Understandable, like I said, not gonna rub it in your face about the hot tub disappointment Rio: Is it helpful to reckon it was shit Rio: Genuinely Buster: It's honest Buster: But if you wanna pretend otherwise, go ahead, like Rio: Why are we talking about it? Buster: It's the right time for it Rio: Okay Rio: let's talk about it then Buster: I've said everything I've got to say Rio: Seriously? Rio: You can do better Buster: I'm flattered that you feel the need to say so, again Rio: Come on Rio: Already said, no apology needed Rio: so go for it Buster: Okay now it makes sense, you get off on it Rio: Yeah Rio: That'll be it Buster: Why you keep trying to make me angry, yeah Rio: Yeah Rio: was the plan all along Buster: It's the plan now regardless Rio: Okay Buster: Okay for you Rio: More than okay Rio: apparently Buster: It would be if I'd play along properly Buster: Sadly, I'm not aiming to please that hard Rio: Shame Buster: Again, for you, yeah Rio: I know Rio: but I don't care about you, do I? Buster: Not enough, no Rio: Just wanna make you angry Buster: Apparently Rio: Yep Rio: so angry Buster: Don't worry, it ain't too difficult Buster: Even someone as nice & polite as you can manage Rio: Yeah Rio: I ain't special, am I Buster: Not to me Rio: Say it Buster: What? Rio: Say I'm not special to you Buster: It's already there in black & white Buster: You're not my sister either, you can read Rio: Please Buster: Why? Rio: Because it gets me off, right Rio: why else Buster: 'Cause I'm not interested in doing that Buster: Try again Rio: Why? Rio: however I get you to say it, end results the same Buster: No it's not Buster: Whatever I say, you know how I fucking feel Rio: If you say it enough we might both believe it Buster: That's the lie of the day Buster: Well done Rio: Try my best Buster: Try harder & do better Rio: I can't Buster: Bullshit Rio: Not today Buster: Why not? It's a day same as any other, yeah? Rio: No Rio: I saw you Rio: that's different Buster: Barely Buster: & you barely saw me last night either Rio: It was still Rio: different Rio: still true Buster: I'm not gonna be your excuse for why you feel shit Rio: You know that's not what I'm saying Buster: That's what not trying is & you said you can't 'cause of me Buster: So that is what you're saying Rio: it's not an excuse, I know what I did Rio: but it still hurts it's still shit Buster: I'm not gonna feel sorry for you either Rio: I know Rio: that's the worst bit Buster: How the fuck did you think this was gonna play out? Rio: I didn't think Rio: and I didn't think someone would film it and make sure everyone saw Buster: You obviously did think Buster: You made a choice Rio: What, the choice to get with some cute lad at a party Rio: plenty of people were doing the same, you were Buster: It wasn't a random party or a random lad Buster: You can say it wasn't about me as much as you want but Buster: You made a choice that you knew would affect me Rio: And I've been making choices all morning to try and do anything to make it alright Rio: why do they could for shit and that one is everything Buster: 'Cause you can't unfuck him Buster: I can't unsee or unhear everything I have since Rio: then you have to stop Rio: you know Rio: it has to be you, if I can't do anything now, if I've made my choice Buster: Alright Rio: Okay? Buster: Easy Rio: I hope it is Rio: for you Buster: Everything's easy for me, babe Buster: Remember Rio: No Rio: but good Buster: Anything else? Rio: I'm actually going home now so you don't have to lie to your fam about it Buster: I wasn't planning to Rio: Alright Rio: Bye Buster: See you around when there's no other choice Rio: Not as hard to avoid each other still as we pretended before Rio: plenty been doing it just fine for years Buster: It's never been hard to avoid you, I just didn't wanna Rio: I know Buster: Unknow it Buster: Or at least pretend, like Rio: I told you Rio: I'll try Buster: You tell me loads of things Buster: 99% of 'em bullshit Rio: That's us Buster: There ain't an us, that's the point Rio: Was, then Buster: Fuck the past, it's gone Rio: Yeah Buster: Consider that kid dead & buried Rio: You can't make me Buster: Watch me Rio: No, I can't Buster: Don't be a pussy Rio: I can't watch this Rio: but that suits you fine too Buster: It only hurts if you let it Buster: That suits me fine too Rio: I don't have a choice in that Buster: Yeah you do Rio: No Buster: Seriously Rio: Seriously, I don't Rio: I meant it Rio: you have to stop it Rio: I can't do this Buster: I already said I will Buster: Consider it done Rio: Thank you Buster: Don't Buster: We ain't doing each other favours Buster: Whatever I do or don't is for me Rio: It helps me regardless so just take it alright Buster: I won't Rio: Buster Rio: Please stop replying now Buster: [does because ultimately always gonna give her what he thinks she wants]