#i literally have to find myself a stucky writer

[cuddlebugsirius]

Jess’ Top 22 of 2022

I decided to do a fic rec list of my 22 top fics that I read in 2022, from lots of different ships and fandoms. We’re here to celebrate the effort that fellow writers put into creating magic for us all, fanfiction is such a massive part of my life and I think it deserves to have a spotlight shone on it’s greatness. 

[I limited myself to 1 fic/series per author, which was more of a challenge than I thought it would be 😂]

So in no particular order and without further ado...

Bring Him to His Knees - 245k+, Dramione, E Rated

Draco is on the case of a murderer, but to investigate, he needs a fake relationship - and a kink club play partner. When Hermione volunteers to take the role, both do their best to maintain the lie without letting each other know the truth: neither of them are acting.

Solntse - 60k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

Sirius, a young Russian billionaire hires Remus, who is working part time as a call boy to make ends meet. Things happen, feelings occur.

Did You Miss Me - 640k+, Wolfstar & Jily, E Rated

Though the new boy at Hogwarts University, James Potter, appears to be an adorable himbo with deep pockets, Remus Lupin and his friends instead find a horrifically dark past on Google. Did he really attack that boy and leave him for dead? Why won't he talk about his mysterious childhood best friend, "Pups"? Would it kill him to stop messing with his hair?

At least Remus got his phone back after losing it, but now he can't stop texting the mysterious number of the man who had sent it back. Padfoot is funny and charming, and Remus is NOT going to fall in love with him.

The PB to my J [AKA the one that converted Jess into a Wolfstar writer] - 270k+, Wolfstar, E Rated 

A Modern AU Marauders texting with prose fic set at University.

Mainly Wolfstar - Will they? Won’t they? (They obviously will...) And a little bit of Jily too.

A Second Look - 120k+, Dramione, M Rated

Her best friend's life was a mess and she would have done anything to make things better for him and his sons. So, when she found her former enemy in a similar situation her heart went out to him as well... and the beautiful blond baby in his arms didn't hurt his case. It was certainly enough for her to give him a second look.

oh, I’m gonna let the future in - 40k+, Scorpius Malfoy/Albus Potter, T Rated

Al doesn’t know what he’s doing. Not just with the new apartment, but with his life in general, and it doesn't help that his family quietly looks down on him. It feels as if they’re always waiting for him to do something spectacular, but without actually expecting it of him. They’ve given up on expecting anything of him.

Al only speaks English, and he sings in the shower, badly. He likes tea, and he cleans when he’s stressed. He sees a therapist. He has a total of two friends, and one of them is his cousin. He isn’t smart; he’s simple.

He wishes that could be enough.

Brooklyn Heights Books - 180k+, Stucky, E Rated

A man wearing a light denim jacket over a dark blue shirt came into the shop, a box tucked under his right arm. Despite it being late afternoon, he was wearing sunglasses with bright blue lenses, and his long, dark hair was pulled back in a messy little bun. A few strands had escaped, framing his strong, unshaven jawline. The man looked into the café, smiled widely, and waved in Clint’s direction as he kept walking into the bookstore, and Steve’s mouth went completely dry.

Beautiful, was the only word to describe that smile; straight, white teeth framed by full, lush, red lips, bracketed by laugh lines and an adorable dimple in his right cheek, a charming little chin cleft just visible under the light stubble—Steve was struck literally speechless. And that was before he got a glimpse of the man’s backside. Slim hips and a round, firm-looking ass led to long, lean legs that were encased in snug, dark blue jeans.

“Guh,” Steve said, watching the dark-haired man continue on to the back of the store.

‘tis the damn season - 70k+, Wolfstar, T Rated

“Where are you going?”

Remus turns. Sirius looks delightful; wine-flush and December drizzle painting his pale, pretty face the deepest carmine red. His spindly hands are twiddling at his front, as if he doesn’t know quite what to do with them. He sniffs, and exhales corporeal ice that sends a shiver running down Remus’ spine. He’s not sure if it’s from the cold or the alcohol or… something else.

Clean - 115k+, Dramione, M Rated

Malfoy's handsome face was contoured into a condescending smirk. "No faith in that giant brain of yours, Granger?" She looked up at him defiantly. "Maybe I don't have faith in you!" she said, raising her voice. Malfoy only looked at her. "You'll find I'm very surprising." 

Second Generation - 45k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

Remus Lupin and Sirius Black spent their late teens in a happy haze of sex, troublemaking, and playing in their band, but break up in college. But when their respective children get in trouble together more than 20 years later, Remus and Sirius find themselves at odds with their very different parenting styles and dealing with a spark that was never quite extinguished.

Dreamers - 45k+, Wolfstar, M Rated

In which Sirius did twelve years and meets Remus on a creative writing workshop.

The Searching Ceremonies - 580k+, Sterek, M Rated

Derek is being pressured by his family to pick a mate, and somehow stumbles into a choice that they didn't expect and aren't sure they approve of....

Quid Pro Quo - 105k+, Darklina, E Rated

The Slow Burn Breeding Kink Political AU

Cannibals - 20k+, Darklina, E Rated

It was very brief, the affair Alina Starkov had with her father.

Or: The Father-Daughter Incest AU

no shelter but mine - 65k+, Darklina, E Rated

“If you’re so worried about your daughter then why are you wasting your time yelling at me instead of caring for her?”

He stills. His fists clench, just once, and she can see the muscles in his jaw working, like it is taking him every ounce of will not to unhinge it, lean across the counter, and rip out her throat with his teeth.

Then he turns, without a word, and storms out the door, the tails of his black coat flying behind him like a cloak. Aleksander is in need of a nanny for his six-month-old daughter. As it so happens, Alina is the only person she likes.

Action - 20k+, Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth, E Rated

Jaime’s a famous action hero. Brienne is the stunt coordinator on his latest movie. She’s hated him since the moment they met, and the feeling is mutual. But there are ways to work out their aggression.

Lost & Found - 95k+, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, E Rated

When she realizes the husband she knew had departed, and she now had cold & hard mobster in his place, Sansa fakes her death and starts a new life in Wales.

And then Jon finds her.

It gets so hard to breathe (when you’re looking at me) - 57k+, Wolfstar, E Rated

When Sirius turns up at Remus' flat after the events at the Triwizard Tournament, he doesn't expect to find himself sharing a bed with Remus. Or getting so intimately involved in his life. Or to find out that they're mates and Remus wants nothing more than to push him up against the wall and make him forget his own name.

Or to feel so very complete.

But Sirius isn't complaining. Not one bit.

The Player’s Secret - 50k+, Wolfstar, M Rated

“So what’s he like? Full of it? Arrogant?”

“Yes,” he says, because he thinks that is a fair assessment. Sirius Black is full of it. He is arrogant. He’s also entitled and needy and smug. He’s talented, reckless, moody, selfish, childish, charming and sweet, and a million different other things Remus is trying to wrap his head around.

Sirius Black is hard work.

Remus Lupin is a successful documentary filmmaker who is assigned to make a fly-on-the-wall documentary featuring Sirius Black - one of the world's most brilliant footballers - as he competes in the European Championship.

All does not go smoothly.

The Same Way I Like My Coffee - 35k+, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, M Rated

Sansa Stark always liked her coffee hot and sweet. She finally found a guy that makes the sentence "I like my men the same way I like my coffee" real to her.

Jon snow has no right to be that hot.

Or: Sansa opens the coffee shop of her dreams, makes great friends and meets an unbelievably hot Jon Snow.

don’t pout, darling - 70k+, Dramione, E Rated

"when's the last time you let someone take care of you?"

"no one's ever wanted to," her whisper is delicate, sharp like porcelain glass, the edges raw and tender. she is sugar-soft, a little thing tucked into his chest, ears pressed against the heart that beats for her.

"i'll take care of you, i'm always going to take care of you," he cooed. “you're my sweet girl, my baby.”

or: a modern au ddlg fic

when we kiss: mmmm, fire - 39k+, Jon Snow/Sansa Stark, E Rated

Sansa might be seeing someone casually, but thanks to Arya, Robb, and Theon, it’s Jon who’s got the inside track on how to get Sansa to take him seriously.

aka: the one where jon finds out that sansa has a daddy kink, and he uses it to seduce her away from the dating scene and into his arms, heeeey-oh!

[steddieas-shegoes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@zombiethingy tagged me right when I was about to exit tumblr to work on my final paper for this class and because I am a procrastinator, I'm doing it 😇

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

...136 (but to be fair that includes all of my one shot requests and microfics)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 597,089. I wanted to reach 750k by the end of the year, but I just don't think that's gonna happen and that is OKAY!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things only. I know in my heart I probably could go back and write some Stucky things, but with what time?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

call me sunshine, send me to space (chaptered)

i thought we were more, why aren't we more? (ficlet request)

one little nugget (chaptered)

it brought us here (ficlet request)

it led me to you (chaptered)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! Sometimes I only have the spoons for emojis, but I do always respond. I want people to know I see their comments and appreciate them 💖

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Any of the works in the my heart has changed, my soul has changed series. I definitely want to continue that series, but life is angsty enough right now.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

ALL OF THEM. Truly can't write things that don't end happy or at least very very hopeful.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Uh nope. I have moderated comments turned on though, so I think that deters any hateful comments, and I have literally only ever gotten one negative comment on a headcanon post on tumblr and just blocked them. Here for a good time, not to please everyone.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah. I laugh because I started writing in January and was like "I can't write smut" and then by March I had a fic started that was rated E for extra sex. Incredible what a little time on this website does to the brain. It's just whatever fits the moment.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Hard no.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. I'm pretty open about encouraging people to write their own versions of my stuff, but if I ever see a direct copy and paste it's on sight.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of? I really don't think any of them except for maybe call me sunshine would even be considered popular enough for that lmao

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, it makes me nervous. I always think everyone who I speak to on the regular is worlds more talented than I am and that I would be the deadweight in the group project (despite always being the leader of every school and work group project I've ever done). I wouldn't necessarily say no in the future with the right person!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Steddie, though Stucky was it for me from like 2012-2022 and I do still love them so much.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I really only work on one thing at a time, but I still want to write a part 2 to two request ficlets. They deserve the story being continued, but I don't know for sure when that will happen.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Strengths? What are those? I can lift my body weight, does that count? Okay, ummmm, writing strengths I guess would be finding ways to write these two idiots so in love in any situation. I will always always find a way to make them be in love.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'll be kind to myself and narrow it down to two things: Environment descriptions. I can see it in my mind, but can I put it into words? No. Somehow still getting so carried away?! Genuinely don't know how I manage to not describe a lot of things and still describe too much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

It's very difficult since I don't actually know any other language. I really don't do it unless it is absolutely necessary and I usually warn that I use Google Translate (which is not accurate).

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first I published for was Stranger Things. The first I wrote stupid little things that I immediately deleted was Captain America/Marvel.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I have to say I am so so proud of call me sunshine, send me to space. Not just because it's what's been most popular, but because I went so far outside my comfort zone to write and post it. It was the first time I felt like I had truly developed a universe for these characters and it's just a nice story.

No pressure tagging some people (seriously NO PRESSURE, we have ENOUGH PRESSURE): @wormdebut @wynnyfryd @messessentialist @steves-strapcollection @simplebtromance @stobinesque @starryeyedjanai @patchworkgargoyle @scarcrossdlvrs @ghostevie @yournowheregirl @thefreakandthehair @vecnuthy @theheadlessphilosopher @legitcookie @corrodedbisexual @flowercrowngods @vampeddie @matchingbatbites @judasofsuburbia @griefabyss69

[howdoyousleep3]

K! What're some of your all-time favorite fics written by others?

Yayyyyyy okay here we go...

(preface: there are thousands of incredible fics out in the world and these are just ones that stuck with me hard after reading them)

The Lord of Greystoke by humapuma. 12 chapters, complete, Mature. This is basically a Tarzan AU. Love.

we are the things that we do for fun by nonymos. 5 chapters, complete, Explicit. Incredible Dom/Sub story, Shrinkyclinks. Delicious.

Snare Me His Shadow by @maddiewritesstucky. 1 chapter, complete, Explicit. Supersoldiers. One of, if not the, best fics I have ever read. Sis' work is literally like poetry.

and the next by mcwho. 1 chapter, complete, Explicit. Time travel Buck, kinda shrunkyclunks, hot hot hot hot I can only wish to write like this some day.

Somehwere, Under Your Skin by @thiccbuckybarnesfic. 1 chapter, reverse age difference with a grumpy, older bottom bucky, the fic that made me fall in love with cass.

saw myself tonight (caught my reflection in the mirror) by notcaycepollard. 1 chapter, complete, Explicit. Sebastian Stan (who plays the Winter Soldier) and the Winter Soldier meet and...well they fuck and it's really hot lol.

The Kinder Thing by stele3. Literally a fic that I have not stopped thinking about since I read it. A masterpiece. I don't know how it doesn't have more attention. The ending will have you sobbing like a baby. Time travel, happy ending, Mature.

The Right Partner by @leehanji. 2 chapters (hella long), complete, Explicit. Literally and Mr. and Mrs. Smith story but Stucky. So fucking good.

if you're looking for jesus (then get on your knees) by @voxofthevoid. 1 chapter of a 3-part series, complete, Explicit. S.H.I.E.L.D Agent Barnes meets one Silver Fox Commander Rogers. "Meets" as in is kidnapped by. But it's all in good fun. Anything by Vox is delicious and immaculate but this story and series might be my favorite. The slowburn is so goddamn good and smut is top tier. Excellent story as well.

one stop by yasgorl. Evanstan. 1 chapter, complete, Explicit. This is dark, but it is delicious. Definitely pay attention to writers "Abuse of Authority" tag.

Bang My Boyfriend by OhCaptainMyCaptain. A classic. 1 chapter, Explicit, Supersoldiers. Bucky lets everyone in the Tower fuck Steve to fulfill a fantasy of Steve's. Each experience with each character is so well thought out and so in character for each person. Literally an out-of-body experience.

Sugar Daddy by orphan_account. Evanstan. 17 chapters, complete, Explicit. One of the first fics I read as I found my way into the fandom through fic first. One that resides in my soul. Slow burn and delicious and Daddy.

The Fool in the Mirror by thepinupchemist. A/B/O, Alpha Steve and Omega Bucky, Shrunkyclunks. Heed the tags on this one. 22 chapters, complete, Mature. I always have this comfort fic at the ready for when I need to be taken away from everything.

Last but not least, my favorite series, Meet-Cute AUs by 74days. 50 parts, all 1 chapter, complete. Just 50 ways that Steve and Bucky continue to meet each other and fall in love. Comfort.

This is what I have right now! There are many more but I would like to take a nap now, heh. I hope people are able to find joy in something here! I rarely rec fics when I probably should more, but reading is so hit or miss with me. Thank you for asking, love. 💖

[blackgirlsuperherorants]

With more articulation, I'm ready to talk about why the push for Lokius simply bothers me, and this can be said for other m/m or w/w ships that fans push to be canon so hard just because they ship it.

It's the framing. The framing that if Marvel doesn't do it (or whatever the brand is), it's because homophobia, and if other fans don't like it/ship it, it's because homophobia (even if they ship other queer ships and are queer themselves.) And the biggest problem with that is that it overshadows the REAL issue of lack of queer representation on screen in mainstream nerd media, especially from big things under the Disney umbrella (Marvel and Lucasfilm/Star Wars, especially.)

It makes it bad that your ship isn't canon instead of bad that there haven't been any queer romances on screen in the MCU.

And like, as a writer myself, I find myself dissecting the stories of other media all the time. I can watch an MCU movie or series and pretty much assess what direction the story is going in by the narrative points they're hitting. I knew Sylki was basically gonna happen (even if just a kiss) because narratively, that's what the show was doing as soon as they had that "what is love" conversation on Lamentis-1. It didn't mean I liked it. But I knew it was happening.

Similarly, there's no romantic undertones to Loki and Mobius. None. For Marvel to make them a couple, it would mean they'd be doing it simply because the two present as men and it would make stans happy. And while there's something to be said for fan service, it would be annoying to watch them cram two guys together who aren't romantic in the slightest. I'd much rather see Loki meet some guy and have the same type of undertones they were giving to Sylvie and form a real bond to where the kiss feels earned and warranted. Not just put him with the nearest man because "he gay lol."

And how you guys are claiming it's being queer that makes you want this is beyond me. It's not being queer that makes you want this. I don't want queer characters that fuck everyone of whatever gender(s) they're attracted to even when it doesn't make sense for them to. I want real love stories. I mean, yeah, sometimes we can have a slut character, because that's fun, too, but that's not even what y'all think Lokius is. You seem to want them to be in love. But why? Because he's the first friend Loki made that isn't through Thor?

I hate that, too, because I hate this idea that queer people cannot have friends of their same gender without wanting to fuck them. IDK how y'all are, maybe y'all are like that, but I almost never have wanted to fuck any of my friends. The only few exceptions have been when I tried to befriend someone I had a crush on (in which case, usually the friendship can't work, really, because I have a crush on them.) I also think it's okay if you can have casual sex with friends, or if you have a friendship that develops into romance, but Jesus, do you people not have friends that you don't want to fuck? I am bi, maybe more pan (gender kind of doesn't matter to me, I guess) and I'm friends with people of all kinds of gender identities and like... I love them as people, which is why they're my friends, but I DO NOT want to fuck them. Especially my closest friend. I talked about her, before, here, but she's like my sister. The thought of fucking her is gross, to me. Not because she's gross, but because it feels incestuous.

Loki shouldn't want to fuck Mobius just because they developed a friendship. And that's very much how it's written on the series. They almost dislike each other (or Mobius is at least indifferent to Loki) and then they become friends.

That's not to mention the power dynamic that exists, there. And I know some of y'all are subs, but yeah, it's a bit gross to imply a sexual relationship with Loki's captor.

But on to Sylki. It sucks that I feel like most of y'all hate Sylki because Sylvie is a girl, and not just because it's bad in other ways. Like, the reasons Sylki is bad have less to do with "it should have been Mobius" and more to do with it being a lazy 1980s action movie plot that should have never happened. I'm not as creeped out by the selfcest (as many of you wouldn't have been if she was a he, I'm almost positive), but what's bad about it is that they couldn't have a strong female lead character without her being the love interest of the main guy. She didn't need to be, especially because she was a Loki variant, anyway. There was no need for it to have romantic undertones, and there was no need for them to kiss. It was sexist more than it was homophobic (and I can't help feeling like y'all are kind of being biphobic in this case. Maybe I'll talk about that, later, but yeah.) It was sexist bullshit. And there's valid criticism that Sylvie is underdeveloped. She's just angry and something for Loki to project affection onto.

I was also hoping they'd do a "found family" type of thing with Sylvie and Loki and let her be like the sister he never knew he needed, but no, they had to go trope and make her the love interest. It was lazy and bad and basically went "If Loki girl, main Loki want bone!"

Basically, having the main character fall for a character just because of their proximity and gender is bad and I hate it (and it would have been bad with Mobius, too, but yeah.)

Both the Mobius and the Sylvie thing also feel kind of racist, to me, because the show has prominent Black women who aren't even presented as desirable to Loki. And y'all, of course, ship him with anyone but the Women of Color. Y'all can pull true love with Mobius out of your ass, but he couldn't possibly fall for the Black women. lol.

Anyway. Not every show needs ships, and this show shouldn't have had any. I hate it. It's bad.

I guess on the biphobia front, I have heard some takes that it's not biphobic because Loki being queer in the MCU which hasn't shown any queer relationships, and Loki being the first openly queer character means they shouldn't have shown him with a woman presenting character. Which, I guess I get where you're coming from... but I have also been in fandoms for a long time and I see mostly girls saying this shit, which is what leads me to feel like it's simply jealousy. It happens all the time when a long-beloved single male character/celebrity suddenly starts dating a woman. Everyone hates it. And like, we haven't seen Loki be with ANYONE in the MCU, because mostly he's been doing villainy and his dating life hasn't been relevant. If the demigod says he's bi, he can kiss a woman. Especially a woman version of himself. Like I said, I hate it for other reasons, but pretending it's because he should have kissed Mobius is utterly delusional. He probably shouldn't have kissed anyone. Not in this series. There was no reason for any canon romance, especially because the show has a season 2 and we'll have time to see Loki develop earned, deserved romance with someone.

I'd much rather see them create a character just to be his boyfriend than have y'all push Marvel into making Lokius canon, which is a nonsense ship that only happened because Mobius is the only prominent male-presenting character before we meet the other Lokis.

My sincere wish is for people to remember that their ships are just ships and to enjoy them without getting all self-righteous about it. I TOLD y'all that Lokius wasn't gonna be canon like 4 episodes back, and here y'all are acting shocked and like Marvel took something from you. NOBODY expected y'all to ship Lokius. It's not even queerbait.

You can make clear arguments as to why Sambucky was queerbait. It's there in undertones in the actual series.

You cannot watch Loki and tell me you thought it was queerbait, unless you think men can't have conversations or hug goodbye without being romantically involved. Which means, in my opinion, that you need to learn about healthy masculinity.

Again, this is not a defense of Marvel. They DO need to let characters be queer, for real, and not just by saying " A bit of both". Like, let Loki be queer. Let Deadpool be queer. Let these queer characters be queer on screen. Yes.

But please stop making it about your ship. I'd rather see a flashback of Loki dating a guy and see him kiss someone he loved back on Asgard than watch y'all force Lokius. Because my queer rep is not about your crackship. It really isn't. And the fact that y'all keep calling us homophobic for not liking your ship REALLY needs to be addressed.

Like, when will y'all stop? I got on Stucky shippers about this shit in the past. All of us gay as hell, too, we just don't like YOUR ship. A lot of us like other queer ships. A lot of us like queer ships in other fandoms, too, and even have queer OCs. YOUR ship just ain't it. Stop forcing it. Literally, most of the ship wars between MCU fans have been queer ship vs queer ship, not really queer ship vs straight ship. Like, the number one Stucky rival ship was Stony. Not Steggy. People are not homophobic for not wanting your ship.

Sometimes it's because they ship something else.

And sometimes, like me, it's because they want something to make sense narratively and not happen for the sake of it happening. It's always better writing to have a character meetcute a new love interest than to magically turn a platonic friendship into a romantic relationship. Like, even when the characters are straight. Like, when Moesha dated Hakeem. It was just weird, even if he was kind of a great boyfriend. He was just supposed to be her friend, and people didn't really like it because it didn't fit narratively.

And that's why ships for the most part should be left to fanfiction, with the exception of a few where fans are right to call out the writers for not making it canon because it's clearly bait (like what happened to Destiel shippers. To see Lokius shippers compare themselves to THAT was so ridiculous. Destiel shippers had a decade of evidence only to be let down by a criminally unfair ending. Lokius shippers saw two men have a deep conversation once and lost their minds.)

Anyway, I'm not saying don't ship Lokius. I don't even hate it, really. I just think it obviously shouldn't be canon, and fans pretending like they were robbed of it is ridiculous. Literally, Ao3 exists for this reason. I will never see Steve fuck Sam Wilson, so I wrote it into my fanfic. I am not mad that they didn't actually date in the main MCU storyline.

[the1918]

2020 for the1918

Am I the last person to make this list? Maybe. Do I regret that? Yes. Am I making it anyways because my cognitive behavioral therapy is teaching me fix my avoidance issues? Also Yes.

Let’s do this: @The Trees In Front of Cevans’s House and @Bucky’s Arm... you da real MVPs.

But other than them...

Thank You to Everyone that Truly Made My 2020:

@cantabile-l  Jo (Daddy Dumpster™ Co-Founder) — I have to list you first. How could I not? Every friendship I’ve made in this fandom comes back to you. We literally bonded over porn lookalikes and started this craziness called the Stucky Porn Lookalikes Archive ( @stucky-lookalikes-archive ) to preserve the porn, and it now has now has 85k hits and 500 bookmarks (!!!?!!). But it’s more than that, even more than starting the Daddy Dumpster™ and bonding over culihos. Bespoke got finished because you got me excited enough to want it, just like half a dozen other fics. You were also the basis for many, many other friendships that I list below. Your nesting head canons were the inspiration for so, so many A/B/O moments in my fics. We’re so on the same length on an intellectual and spiritual level (I feel like you and me and @ixalit are three parts of one whole ❤) and I am in love with you for it. Culihos forever.

@hanitrash​ Hani (O.G. Dumpster™ Citizen) —I’m so, so damn glad you’re in my life. We share that sick sense of humor and refusal to adopt a filter. You add flavor to our Dumpster™ with your wit, and I feel so warm when you share pics and updates about the family with us. You were the first person I ran to when I “discovered” HTP and you held my hand 😂 And Jesus—your talent. I could go on and on and on about Through The Darkness I Heard Your Voice and Private Showing, but also one of my New Year’s resolutions is to start reading your work as Loralynne Summers. Thank you for making me smile every day of last year since April.

@trekchik Jini (O.G. Dumpster™ Citizen) — I can’t speak to the number of laugh-out-loud, belly-grabbing, cackling moments I have had in a year that could easily have been shit otherwise, all because of you. I feel like you’ve truly become a member of my family; like, I see you posting in the Dumpster™ when I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, “Oh, what’s the fam up to today?”. I know I’ve gone on and on about your talent (absolute queen of dialogue and pacing) before, but I don’t thank you enough for keeping the Porn Archive alive when the rest of us are slacking. Your Stucky Tumblr Drabbles (especially the meet cutes) puts a smile on half the fandom’s face regulary, and I’m excited to re-read the wonderful Anagnorsis & Peripeteia soon. Here’s to another year of weird dildo pictures.

@thegodswife Amanda (Dumpster™ Citizen) — I feel like we were literally destined to become friends. The love I feel for you and your little family is real and immense, and I feel like your victories (in life and in writing) are my victories. You have made a slow but steady convert of me to Shrinkyclinks with fics like peaches and because it's christmas, and I am in awe of your talent for writing charged dynamics with jaw-dropping moments. This fandom is lucky to have such a gem as you. 2021 is going to be the Year of Amanda (*clinks Lindeman’s Framboise glasses 🥂*)

@ixalit Max (Dumpster™ Citizen) — My relationship with you has and continues to be lifechanging for more reasons than I can even go into on tumblr. You make me laugh. You make me cry (usually in good ways). You make me horny by supplying the #porn-and-fun as the dutiful resident horny teenage boy of Dumpster™. I remember so clearly when we first messaged talking about your Evanstan thoughts and fics, and I knew your writing was special then (omg, Hiraeth?? How dare). You deserve all the success you earned in 2020 and every bit more success that you will continue to have this year. There is no one else I would rather have with me as we make this ~journey through Song of the Rolling Earth together. 

@becassine Bex (Dumpster™ Citizen) — What can I say about my lucky charm? 🍀 I found our friendship later in the year and I feel it was truly central to the way I finished out my year with a bang (lol). Your encouragement to finish Bespoke supercharged me, and I’m still riding that high in writing SoRE. But for every bit we talk about you being the Queen of Hype (Becassine, First of Her Name), I am also stunned by your own gorgeous writing. The Way I Feel For You is a gift to this fandom and it’s gonna keep rocking our world, along with any other creative endeavor you choose to embark on. Thank you for the treasure of your continued friendship.

@darter-blue​ Bec (Dumpster™ Citizen) — My gorgeous, gorgeous cunt of a friend. What ever am I going to do with you? I feel like you and I have clicked so perfectly and so instantly, and I feel such a strong connection to you. I have been enamored with your skill and your style since I first stumbled across your Sergeant Barnes and Colonel Rogers: A Love Story series and then rapidly gobbled up your other writing. Getting to collab with you on No Vacancies was a dream come true. You make me feel so connected to the outside world and humanity even in this bizarre time and even though you’re on the other side of the world.

@kalee60 Kel (Dumpster™ Citizen) — You flawless sass-master. You brilliant human. You tricky little bastard. What a perfect addition to the Dumpster™ you have been! And your talent, Jesus... just being around you makes me want to write. I have truly never seen someone with as much talent write so prolifically, and I am in very real awe of it. If I had to pick “Fic of the Year” for me, I would not hesitate to pick Push The Button—it turned my world upside down—but for as much as we talk about that epic, your AU Extravaganza is really miracle to behold. And I am so, so pumped for you during this exciting time coming up in your life. Here’s to magnificent year for you in 2021!

@andysmountains​ Andy Gator Lord 🐊 — You’ve changed my life. I’m sitting here and I honestly don’t know how else to put it. You’re hilarious and you’re a ball of sunshine and you have kept this breeder feeling rooted to reality (in a great way) and remembering how to smile during some of the shittiest times I can remember. Newts. You’ve helped me explore my identity, and I’m not sure what greater gift you could have given me. Also, I’ve never heard true love whispered more sincerely than when I see 🔪—and I would give you nine hundred and ninety-seven 🔪 now if not for the fact that you have literally beat me to it.  

@ceratonia-siliqua Cera — We’ve shared so much. I feel so privileged that you’ve picked me to be a person that you want to talk to during hard times because you’re such a special guy, and because you’ve got talent that the world needs to see forever and ever and ever (I continue to blown away by what you did in Sunshine, and none of us are ready for Quilt Fic™) and I hope you never stop writing your whole damn heart out. I truly love you. I do. Thank you for reminding me that there is endless humanity and prose in this world.

@howdoyousleep3​ K — I feel like 2021 couldn’t be starting off better now that you’re in my life again. Last year was largely defined for me by the time I spent with you, and I’ve truly been changed by you and your writing. You are an endless amount of inspiration for me and this whole community; I would bet real money that the number of Daddy Kink converts that owe their new *interest* to finding your Daddy Steve Rogers/Baby Bucky Barnes series numbers in the hundreds (not to mention your other AUs). But fics aside, I had so many smiles and laughter throughout 2020 because of you, and I owe such a big part of my happy heart to you and your presence in my life. You have a huge, caring heart. Cheers to Cevans continuing to be a giant, bro-ish man slut and us never stopping giving him shit for it — and here’s to Trucker Bucky and his bug.

@lullabybeauty Bee — I’m not sure I would still be writing if it weren’t for you. The interest you took in my fics and endless support you’ve provided have turned me into a real-life 🥺🥺🥺 face so many times I can’t count them. But more than the hype you provide, you are an amazing person, and I hope you never stop putting (and ceaselessly keeping) the word out in our community through your blog that Black Lives Matter and black women matter now and forever; it’s far too easy for those of us who are white to let that truth fade from our minds when there’s not something terrible happening in the news, and I’m so thankful for your posts filling up my dash with reminders I need to be a good ally and giving me information to share with others. Thank you for the gift of yourself.

@ywecanthavenicethingsanymore Caroline—You sort of swooped out of nowhere for me and boosted my confidence through the roof. Your comments and your hype and your hilarious tags remind me every day that writers are only half of the fanfiction equation; all we do without supportive friends like you is sit in the corner dreaming of stories we don’t have the confidence or feel-good to put to words. Thank you for your constant support and for being so. damn. cool.

@littlesurfergrl Heather—Oh, Heather. Queen of the A+ tags. Sender of inbox updates about what time you get off of work and why you’re vibrating to read a fic. All-around beautiful person. Your love and support is magic in my veins.

@hoeforthegays Baby J—I am so damn excited for this creative project you’ve taken on; you are so talented. I look forward to our thirst talks all the time. You make me laugh with your screaming and even your advice. Such a source of sunshine in my life.

@capbvckyrogers / @tae-withsuga Cam — You were the first person who ever reblogged a farmer daddy post. You were the first person who ever sent me a prompt. Honestly, you were the first person who ever bonded with me over a character. There zero (0) chance I would have enjoyed fandom (or certainly any kind of creative success) the way that I did in 2020 if not for you. Thank you, endlessly. 

@justice-for-plums​ Kenz — Another “late in the year” friendship find that I am so grateful for. I love our talks! I am so thankful you felt comfortable to reach out and talk about writing. Our workshopping has helped remind me of what works and what doesn’t for me, and I love the creative collaboration on head canons! Excited for more in 2021.

Shrunkyclunks Bitches®, or those not mentioned already above:��@dreadlockholiday (co-founder of the Bitches® with @justice-for-plums​ and #1 reason I blushed last year), @oh-i-swear-writes​ @wayward-lives​ @allegedlyann and others I either am missing on tumblr or forgetting (but not because I don’t love you) — Here’s to Cap Steve and modern Bucky and 1,000,000+ words written during our writing sprints in 2021. [Bitches® server membership is open by the way! If you love Shrunkyclunks, contact Dready @dreadlockholiday​].

And to the endless list of others who made me smile, laugh, sometimes cry, feel proud, but always feel that incredible Stucky love — a list that includes but is certainly not limited to @fishcustardandclintbarton,​ @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier, @willbakewithstucky, @hannah-stagram​, @thewaythatwerust​, @bigbraiiin, @musette22, @luninosity​, @fandomfluffandfuck​, @maddiewritesstucky​, @hbalbat, @doctorenterprise​, @epicstuckyficrecs, @k347 and the massive important people I know I am forgetting (...like some BIG ones)

To everyone above and anyone else who has scrolled this far:

Thank you.

Let’s all have a fantastic 2021 🥂

[uaklauslovesdave]

Hi, thank you for sending me asks, I really appreciate it! :D Could you do 002 for klave, I always want to hear your thoughts about them <3

my buddy, my dude, it’s been roughly 17 years since you sent this ask, and i’m oh so sorry for taking this long to answer. it got to be one of those situations where i wanted to do it Properly, which of course brought the anxiety, which of course then brought the avoidance. But we’re here now! it’s a new era and i have a whole bunch of klave thoughts to dump on my unsuspecting followers. let us begin.

when i started shipping it:

Pretty much immediately! I remember first watching s1 and getting that slow confirmation that Klaus time traveled to the Vietnam War. We saw him on the bus with his fatigues and bloody hands and I was like ‘oh god oh no he went to Vietnam didn’t he.’ And then later we have Klaus experiencing flashbacks in the bathtub and there are echoes of the noises of war but also a strong and clear “Dave!” And in that moment my interest was piqued. Dave, he said? Who is this Dave? Is this someone he loved? Did he have a war-time romance with another soldier? And I was hopeful but I also didn’t want to get too ahead of myself because of Queer Baiting in Media reasons (like, I was in the marvel fandom, ok? I went through the whole stucky dance routine). But then, but then! We got more. We got roughly five minutes (or less?) of scenes of Klaus dropping down in front of a disoriented soldier, of this soldier introducing himself as Dave on a bus, of Klaus and Dave dancing in a bar, of Klaus and Dave sharing a kiss in a quiet corner, of Dave bleeding out and dying in the middle of combat as Klaus sobs above him. And it was quick and it was short but it was meaningful and it was tender and immediately I knew that I was gone for them. There was no turning back at this point. I was all in on the Klave Train.

my thoughts:

My thoughts? Where do I even start? I have many! Some are incoherent! Some are devastating! Some are sickeningly sweet! Some are raunchy! Stay tuned to find out!

what makes me happy about them/what makes me sad about them:

So I decided to combine these two questions because, well, I Do Not Know how to untie the happy and the sad when it comes to klave. I tried and I cannot do it. They’re two sides of the same coin with these two. Because their entire relationship is tinted by tragedy, you know? They only met each other because Klaus was tortured and then flung into a notoriously traumatizing war in the 1960s. And who knows what number tour Dave was on. Had he been there for just 2 months or was this second or third time around? I’m not sure which option is more painful, really. And it’s unclear, did Dave genuinely want to serve in the military? Did he truly subscribe to those values instilled by his family? I’d lean towards no, based on the conversation Klaus tries to have with the Younger Dave in the diner. But I think it took Dave some time to get there, as he grew older and came to better understand and accept himself and perhaps grew more and more disillusioned with the life he was pushed into. And then there’s Klaus, whose own experiences somewhat parallel Dave’s (they just happened on a different timeline). Klaus, who grew up under Reginald’s reign of terror, who was taught to be a soldier just like Dave was. But his own disillusionment was expedited and he was able to rebel and remove himself from that scene more easily than Dave could (but at the expense of losing shelter and security and stability). And we have some insights into what it was like for Klaus to grow up in that environment, constantly surrounded by death. When we first meet him he is a person who clearly does not do genuine attachment or sincerity, because that is far too vulnerable and far too dangerous in his experience. He looks out for himself and he does what he needs to do to get by, and he approaches things from a casual, crass (safe) distance. And then there’s Dave, who we learn a little bit about from his interactions with Klaus in 1963 Dallas. He appears earnest and kind, just a Really Good Kid. He seems somewhat confused by Klaus, but also intrigued. Pretty much every time we see Klaus interact with someone in the 1960’s who is not a member of Destiny’s Children they approach him with disdain (referring to him as “pretty boy,” kicking him out of the diner, etc.). But not Dave. Not until he is pressured into it by Uncle Homophobe. And after that Dave seeks him out and apologizes, says that’s not him. And he and Klaus talk, and we see that they really knew each other, they really had a relationship, but by the end of the conversation Dave has been pushed too far. He’s not quite ready to rebel yet, he’s not quite able to make that leap into living as his true self. Just like Klaus, Dave grew up trapped and restricted and surrounded by ghosts. Not literal ones, no, but the ghosts of dead war heroes who came before him, the ghosts of the Ideal Man and Good Son that he thought he had to be, that he thought he had to prove he could become. And it’s not quite clear how and when Dave finally got to that point where he could rebel, where he could finally push past the fear, knock down the walls of the box he had been shoved into. But by the time he and Klaus crossed paths in 1968 Vietnam he was ready. And Klaus was ready. And they brought that genuine, true, real love out in each other. Something both of them probably thought was never possible. Something both of them probably thought was just a myth. Just turning themselves inside out and sharing that with each other. Trusting the other to take care of it and hold and keep it safe. All in the middle of a deadly war. It’s beautiful and it’s painful and it’s why I love them.

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

Nothing really specific comes to mind. Generally if there’s something I don’t like in a fanfic I’ll stop reading and move on. There is, of course, the Fanon Klaus Problem that makes its way into klave fics, so I suppose that annoys me. Or stories where Dave is one-dimensional and seems to exist just to comfort and take care of Klaus. But really, I don’t wanna hate on anyone who writes fanfic in a particular way. You do you. If it appeals to me I’ll read it and if it doesn’t I’ll just pass it by. No big deal.

things i look for in fanfic:

It absolutely depends on the day and what I’m in the mood for in that particular moment. I’m a sucker for angst so I absolutely do not mind reading something terribly sad and tragic. I like hurt/comfort with an emphasis on the hurt. I’m a fan of the GhostDave Watches Over Klaus Through the Years genre. I like stories that explore their time together in Vietnam. I’m into AU’s that include AliveDave traveling back to 2019 with Klaus and they hang out in Klaus’ room in the academy and Dave meets the siblings and Diego gives him a shovel talk. Sometimes I just want that sweet, sweet smut. Mostly I look for something that is both lovely and sad, which is not hard to find because that is, essentially, their relationship. There’s lots of good stuff out there. All y’all writers are talented. I salute you.

my kinks:

Alright, I’m just gonna preface this by saying that I will try my best to be unapologetically open about this, but at my core I am both shy and repressed. My easy and safe answer to this is that my kink for klave is love, happiness, and tender intimacy. That’s what I really want for them. But also. But also! Let them be smutty! Let them find places to sneak away and fuck, Dave’s hand over Klaus’ mouth to stop him from making noise that will alert the other soldiers to their activities. Or maybe they’re sitting under a tarp in the pouring rain and Klaus sees how far he can take it, and Dave doesn’t back down, and it ends up with Klaus blowing Dave while some other guys are sitting just feet away, oblivious to what’s going on between Katz and Hargreeves just over there. And then there’s that time they get to take leave together, and they’re able to get a hotel room, just to themselves, with real walls and a door that locks and a bed and everything. And the digs aren’t great but it feels like a palace compared to what they’re used to, and they absolutely do not waste this opportunity. Dave fucks Klaus into the mattress, and Klaus gets to learn what it’s like to have someone take control because you actually want them to and you feel safe with them, and Dave gets to learn what it’s like to have someone trust you implicitly and be willing to be vulnerable with you. And it’s not perfect, of course, sometimes their histories and understandings of sex and intimacy bump heads, but they love each other, they really do, and they work through it. And they both cry during sex at some point. For Dave it’s the first time he’s done so, for Klaus it’s not (but this is nothing like those other times this is because he wants to be here this is because he’s overwhelmed with love this is a release this is being seen this is being cared for).

who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other:

Let me be real and say that I really, really, really want them to end up with each other, and I think that this is where the show is headed. But, if that is not the case, as long as they are happy I will be happy. Perhaps that is cliche, but oh well. Just let them experience love and support, whether that’s with each other, someone else, or just on their own.

my happily ever after for them:

I don’t know how and I don’t know when (like seriously, when in the timeline is a big question), but I want them to find a way to be together. Maybe it involves some time-traveling, maybe it involves some timeline-hopping, maybe it involves some Commission interference, maybe one or both of them will be dead, maybe (most likely) it involves something that has not even crossed my mind as a possibility. But, like I said, I think that somehow there WILL be a (perhaps nontraditional) happily ever after for them. It might take some time to get there and I don’t think it’s gonna be a smooth road, but I do think that’s the ultimate destination. And I’m looking forward to the whole process.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Good question! My first instinct was Klaus as little spoon. Because he is Klaus but also because of the Bar Kiss scene where Dave tenderly cradles his face and those Very Important blurry behind the scenes instagram photos of Klaus resting his head on Dave. But I also think it would be really nice for Dave to be the little spoon? Because Klaus gets to hold him and act as a Protector and maybe he can feel Dave’s heartbeat beneath his (hello) hand and he gets to wrap around him and hold on tight and he can let go when he wants to but he doesn’t want to, he wants to stay right here as long as Dave will have him. And Dave will have Klaus wrapped around him, holding on, as long as Klaus wants to stay. Dave gets to be held and cocooned in the arms of this beautiful person he loves. Dave doesn’t have to be strong right now, he doesn’t have to put on the face of the Good Soldier. All he has to do is fall into the space between them.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

I’m gonna say that they had a lot of time to sit together and talk while they were in Vietnam. Sure, they had their duties and sometimes they were in the shit but there was also a lot of down time, just sitting around and waiting for something to happen. And so they’d sit and they’d smoke and they would talk. About their interests, about where they come from, and eventually about the life they would build together after they got out of there. But here’s a specific image that I have: they’re sitting close together, maybe it’s dark, there’s no one nearby. Cigarette smoke lingers in the air, mingles with the fine mist. The conversation has turned to music, somehow. Conversations have a tendency to meander when Klaus is involved, and Dave follows him step for step, never tripping, never questioning how they got there. And Klaus asks Dave about his favorite song, and Dave hesitantly mentions “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence,” like he’s embarrassed, but he’s loved it for years and he wants to be honest with Klaus. And Klaus hums and says he doesn’t know it, hasn’t heard of it, and he leans against Dave, lays his head against his chest. And Dave says, that’s ok, it doesn’t matter, it’s just a stupid old song anway. But Klaus says, no, you should sing it for me, I want to hear it, I want to know it. And Dave scoffs and laughs, but Klaus looks up at him, and then Dave looks away, and his mouth lifts into a smile, something small and fragile. He turns back to Klaus, looks him the eye, and softly, so softly, starts singing, “When Liberty Valence rode to town, the womenfolk would hide…” And Klaus drops his head and shifts closer to Dave and hears the words slip from Dave’s mouth and feels the words vibrate in Dave’s chest. He closes his eyes. There’s a war going on. It’s 1968 and he’s in Vietnam and his clothes are damp but he’s right where he wants to be. The song is not romantic, but it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. He never forgets the words.

[musette22]

Fanfic Writers Tag Game

I was tagged by @hbalbat and @ixalit in this lovely fanfiction tag game that was devised by the clearly very brilliant @thewaythatwerust, to discuss some of the fics I’ve written over time! Thanks so much, guys! 💖 

I have no idea who has already done this, but I’ll go ahead and tag @paper-storm, @luninosity, @wintersoldier1989​, @bluesimplicity73, @howdoyousleep3, @wayward-lives, @trekchik​ and please feel totally free to ignore! <3

Which of your fics…

* Did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got:

Hmm, maybe Body Politics? Generally speaking I think RPF AUs attract more readers than non-AU, and since everyone adores Political Daddy Chris, I figured this one could’ve done a little but better? Especially since I really like it myself (but then of course, that’s often how it goes isn’t it 😅)

* Got a better reaction than you expected:

Basically all of them! I never in a million years imagined that people would actually enjoy my writing, so every time I get a kudo on a fic I’m like “what, for real??” 🥰 But if I have to pic one, I guess From Brooklyn, With Love, since I wrote that one in one morning while at work and it did pretty well lol. Oh, and also my CAPBB fic from last year, Rare Is This Love (Keep It Covered), because I still can’t believe it did so well alongside the amazing fics from all the amazing authors who also participated in that bang.

* Is your funniest:

You Make My Heart Skip A Beet, I think. I’ve definitely gotten the most comments of people saying it cracked them up on that one! Or alternatively You lift my fucking spirits, bro, although that one is just a drabble. Still thinking of turning it into a proper fic at some point...

* Is your darkest/angstiest:

LOL none of them are particularly angsty. I’m not great with writing angst 😅 But for Stucky, it would probably be Rare Is This Love again, and for Evanstan maybe Closer? Yeah, I think so.

* Is your absolute favourite:

Ugh okay, if I *have* to answer this one, I’ll say it’s There is a Tavern in the Town, because that one allowed me to combine my love for Evanstan and Stucky and it’s not perfect, but it’s very close to my heart. Oh, and also I Really Can't Stay (Baby, It's Cold Outside) because I LOVE co-authoring with my gorgeous wife @paper-storm and I still feel all warm and fuzzy inside whenever I think about this fic 🥰

Honourable mention for Reckless Serenade, since it’s the filthiest thing I’ve ever written and I love it. 

* Is your least favourite:

That’s hard, too lol. I guess maybe Café Rouge, not because I dislike the fic but because it’s Peggy/Angie and I wrote it for a femslash challenge, but I don’t really ship it? Or, I mean, I ship it, but not in the same way I ship Stucky and Evanstan, you know?

* Was the easiest to write:

I guess maybe Strawberries & Cream or Diving In The Deep End, both of which I wrote really quickly because I just had to get those little scenes I had stuck in my head down onto paper!

* Was the hardest to write:

Probably also Café Rouge, because I wasn’t as driven by my passion for the ship as I normally am! That, or Rare Is This Love (again) because I really struggled to make the deadline on that one and that was not fun 😂 

* Have you re-read the most:

That would be my fist ever fic, I've done some things that I shouldn't have done (but I haven't stopped loving you once), because I was terrified it was rubbish and I kept re-reading it to see if I could improve it hahaha. Also (If Paradise Is) Half as Nice, because I think it’s hawt.

* Would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time:

I did actually recommend There is a Tavern in the Town to one of my uni friends when she found out I wrote fanfiction and wanted to read some of it. In hindsight, maybe I’d recommend Maybe Baby (I'll Have You) now, because that one is non-RPF, more or less PG and kind of cute haha.

* Are you most proud of:

I think I Spy With My Little Eye, just because SO many people have told me how much they love it, and that’s kind of what you write for, isn’t it? And I don’t mean validation necessarily (although that is GREAT lol), but to give other people something they enjoy! 💗

* Has your favourite line/exchange/paragraph (share it):

Finding a favourite bit was literally impossible because all it did was remind me that I’m not all that good at writing 😂 However, I really like this scene from Closer, because I love how happy Sebastian is, and how fond Chris is, and how effortlessly these boys can laugh together, even during the most serious, heartfelt of moments. Since it’s a bit long-ish, I’ll put it under the cut!

*********

Sebastian blinks at Chris a few times, then suddenly sits up straight, grabbing Chris’s hand and prying open his fingers.

There they are. Two rings. That really happened.

His eyes snap back up to Chris’s face, wide and stunned. “You- had these made?”

Chris smiles at him indulgently. “Yes.”

“For us?”

“Yes.”

When the meaning of the gesture finally sinks in, a wave of pure, unadulterated happiness rises up in Sebastian’s chest so fast and fierce and unstoppable that it makes him feel lightheaded again – thought this time for an entirely different reason. He claps a hand over his mouth in a failed attempt to stifle the burst of laughter that escapes past his lips.

“Are you… laughing at me?” Chris asks, narrowing his eyes in suspicion, but he mostly seems amused.

Sebastian’s eyes grow even wider. “No,” he says firmly. “Fuck, Chris, I’m sorry.” He barks out another joyful laugh, unable to stop now that he’s started. “Sorry, sorry, I’m not laughing at you, I swear,” he hiccups, shaking his head from side to side and smiling like a lunatic. “I’m just so fuckin’ happy.”

“Oh, thank god,” Chris exclaims dramatically, slapping a hand over his heart. “So in that case, d’you think there’s any chance I could maybe get an answer at some point?” He pulls a face. “I mean, it may have escaped your notice, but I actually just made a heartfelt speech, declaring my undying love for you and asking you to be mine forever. But, you know, I can see how you could’ve missed that bit, it’s not like I poured my heart and soul into–”

Sebastian surges forward and cuts off Chris’s rambling by catching his still moving lips in a searing kiss.

[becassine]

2020 Fic Year in Review

So I was tagged by both @kalee60 and @martelldoran - probably because they both know I’m a slut for tag games. I’m in, bitches.

Total number of completed stories:

6 completed, 1 WIP (but mostly written) on AO3

Total number of words:

41,813 published words... Closer to 65,000 in my gdocs

Fandoms written in:

MCU (Stucky)

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

Uh, yeah. I hadn’t even watched more than CA:TFA and Iron Man until March this year when Disney+ launched here in the UK. Then I got into it, got HELLA SALTY about one particular film and in September/October time, decided I wanted to tell stories again. It went from writing out ficlets sporadically (Run your hands through my hair was the first) to writing TWIFFY almost every day.

What’s your own favourite story of the year?

I’m not sure. I really love The Way I Feel For You but Polaris was the first thing I published on AO3 and I love that fic even though it isn’t popular. 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Writing a multi-chapter was a big risk for me. I wasn’t really sure I could write in a different style and keep it snappy/sharp enough for people to enjoy. I have a tendency to get prose-y and I knew it wouldn’t work with the story I wanted to tell. 

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?

Sign up to the Shrunkyclunks Bang 2021 (and flesh out an actual plot)

Maybe write a Regency AU

Definitely write a modified Gatsby AU

More prompt challenges

Most popular story of the year?

The Way I Feel For You is definitely my most popular. I can’t even look at my subscriber stats or I get paralysed and can’t write.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

I don’t think any of them are under-appreciated. I’m such a new writer and I’m a slut for attention and praise so I don’t really worry about it. People hit the X for so many reasons. I don’t need to know why, I just hope they find a fic they want to read instead! 

Most fun story to write?

I wrote A century of not being a morning person in about forty five minutes. It’s crack-y but soft and it makes me laugh every time I imagine Bucky being rudely woken up in the morning. 

Most unintentionally telling story:

The Kissing our way into the future series. I told a few people this but I’ve always had those sorts of kisses with exes, the type that say everything. I think I put myself in those fics more than I meant to. 

Biggest disappointment:

I don’t know. Maybe some of the fandom drama that hit my dash if anything. I had a couple of fic ideas that I couldn’t write past Chapter 1 or 2 and I wish I could have done.

Biggest surprise:

The people in fandom. I literally knew nobody in October and just kind of flung myself at people and showed enthusiasm and everybody responded in kind. I definitely wouldn’t have written so much without you all.

This was fun! Tagging without pressure - @oh-i-swear-writes, @howdoyousleep3, @hawkeyeandthewintersoldier, @musette22, @hanitrash and anybody else who wants to do this!

[lumilasi]

By request from @violently-canary I am doing this writer interview, because why not?

Name: Lumilasi

Fandoms: currently Bnha, but I used to write for Bleach (Grimmichi, still have some fics incomplete OTL) and MCU (stucky, one Tony centric short thingy)

Where you post: AO3, fic illustrations on tumblr

Most popular multi-chapter fic: Family Secrets, Crossroads is close second. I’m still kind of amused how many people I half-accidentally made to adore a version of rotten potato man, namely as a dad figure, not that Hisashi is your classic rotten potato lmao

Favorite story you’ve written so far: Violinist. It was such an interesting Au to make, namely how it still got a lot of the canonical ’grit’ while the boys weren’t villains, and their relationship started differently from my usual writing style, where they were attracted to each other before any emotional bonds formed. It was also funny how canon reveal kind of solved plot issues I had with this by revealing Hana to us haha. I have to say my newest one (The Stringmaster) is also growing on me fast

Fic you were nervous to post: There’s, always a level of apprehension about posting something new, not knowing if people will like it or not. I was quite nervous with my first ever bnha fic (Reanimate) because it was my first dip into the fandom, and it did include ocs in significant roles. Thankfully the feedback was majorly positive with that story, which encouraged me to keep writing more stories.

How you choose your titles: Couple of ways;

First is the ’symbolic’ kind where the title somehow symbolizes the overall story themes. ’Reanimate’ was called that because of the whole ’Izuku enters into the body of his younger self in another world’ thing, essentially ’reanimating’ a body that was in a coma. Family Secrets is called that because it’s a story about a family (and a man) who hold a lot of secrets only the insiders know. Unravel is Unravel because they are unraveling a mystery.

Second is the ’literal’ where I just call the story something that it has, like Violinist, where its called that because Tomura is literally a violinist in the fic. The neighbor has that name because it is about two neighbors.

Sometimes the name if a mix of both like Crossover, where it’s literally a crossover story, but also refers to crossing over into another world haha

Do you outline: Roughly, it tends to be necessary given I make long fics. Things do evolve and change as the story progresses, though often the ending remains largely the same, because I keep it as a sort of destination point the story is building towards. Some details about it might change, but overall the end result tends to remain similar to the original draft

Complete: a lot; Family Secrets, Crossroads, Reanimate, Violinist, Soul Duality, Kitsune Tomura one shots, more one shots, crossovers and sequels, that one story with Izuku and Shoto whose name I forgot, several bleach and mcu fics...

In progress: Unravel (around the middle of the story rn) The neighbor (near complete) The Stringmaster (at the beginning) Diversion (one third left roughly) A Father’s shadow (I’d say halfway there) Depths (also halfway there) a crossover story with Leeontheneon (still at the beginning stages, I should forward it but...I’m so rarely in the mood for such pure fluff OTL) One giant bleach fic I should finish because I put so much effort into it, but I just don’t have the motivation or interest RN.....

Coming soon/not yet started: the final chapter of the Devil’s Doppleganger series, where Tenko and Izuku go to find and bring their dad home. Also to show that even crippled Hisashi is a badass - and such a dad. He will never escape his dadness mwa ha haa.

Do you accept prompts: Mostly no, apart from as contest prizes occasionally. I just prefer coming up with the ideas myself

Upcoming story you’re most excited to write: well, given there is only one, the final part of TDD, that one. From the ongoing ones, Stringmaster is always quite fun to write, and A father’s shadow has gotten into an interesting point too.

Upcoming story you are most excited about: Based on the response on the version I snatched this from (provided by canary) this is about other people’s fics. I don’t read other people’s works much, but there are two I can say I actively read each time they update; first is @theteapotofdoom’s fic Something Good (especially good if in need of fluffy feels) and @nightlilly0110’s No Heroes. It’s such an interesting concept and I get good laughs out of the humor in it!

If there is a fellow writer eager to do this, go right ahead!

[whatthehorsedoicallthisblog]

For the fanfic ask meme: L, R, U?

ooooo yay! Thank you so much for asking!!!!! 

L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with? 

Aha..okay, um. So, this isn’t necessarily a weird AU - but this is what I thought of for this question. I haven’t written too many crazy AU’s, not really! 

 Basically, I saw a post that talked about matching tattoos being soulmate marks, right? And that night I had a dream about it, so I wrote a little mini thing about everyone having some kind of circlet around their various body parts. But I didn’t make up characters...i used myself and a real boy who I knew from my art class whomst I had a crush on. Yes, this is bad - but no no, it gets worse! The next day, I then bumped into him, and was so unaware of who exactly I had run into that I asked “can i see your tattoo?” - thinking of the not real world I was living in for the past 24 hours. Needless to say, I snapped out of it real quick when he responded with; “I don’t have a tattoo?” and then never spoke to me again. It was not my best creator moment lol. 

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Oh heck yes! Anything that I read is inspiring in some way or another - fanfics esp! Throwback to reading that one old Stucky fic that had the singular line “The instant Steve hears Mikey saying “Holy shit, that’s Iron Man!” he’s flinging himself bodily at Stark and carrying him out of the room...”, and me getting so inspired to actually finish the recent chapter of Above and Below. All so I could steal the phrase “Tackling bodily out of the room” hahaha. But seriously, creators like Adiduck, jilliancares, midnightlie, Okadiah - literally SO MANY! I’m just listing a few I’m currently obsessed with! 

We also have our outside the internet influences - Casey McQuiston shattered me emotionally last August with Red, White, and Royal Blue and ever since I’ve been like - I want that. Maggie Stiefvator is literally my all time favorite author, and while I don’t aim to copy her very unique storytelling style, I do try to find magic in the worlds she makes. RIck Riordan used to be, not so much anymore since I’ve grown - oh, but Samantha Shannon stole me away recently! I read her book, Priory of the Orange Tree, and literally still can’t breathe. 

Again, I get inspiration from every little thing I experience - good and bad, reading and living, etc,. etc., How it influences me is just like...up to me? Hahaha, sorry long answer. 

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven’t tried yet.

Hmmm. The only ship I’ve never written anything for that I can think of off the top of my head is Buck and Eddie from 911. Most if not all of my ships have some form of drabble sitting in my Google Doc - I really wanna get the guts to just post the unfinished drafts - because I will literally read myself to sleep with them and would like validation to FINISH THEM. There are hundreds of ideas and ships that I wanted to write for but could never bring myself to finish for this or that reason. 

Thank you so much for playing the ask game!!!! I love getting this questions because it means I can chatter my mouth away!!!!!! <3

[astharoshebarvon]

Good books

Almost a year later, I finally got Ten Count volume 6. I had to give myself a pep talk that it doesn’t matter if the bitch is part of the volume, just forget about her horrendous self.

In the end, my love for Kurose and Shirotani won and I bought it.

I am just so happy to have it in my hands!!! I love this manga so much! I can’t put into words how much I adore this series.

I also got Ameiro Paradox/ Candy Colour Paradox because I love that too. It’s funny as hell and is a wonderful read.

Did I mention how excited I am for Ten Count anime and Given movie? I can’t tell how thrilled I am that Given is getting a movie. I don’t know how many times I cried seeing Given anime, and the lyrics of the title song— just drive a knife through my heart why don’t you.

Fair warning, I am going to vent now. These are just some things which I don’t like in the slightest in stories and fandoms. If someone does, fine. Just remember, everyone doesn’t.

Let’s start with Ten Count. I saw some comments on a manga site that literally said the bitch ( I am not going to dignify her with a name. The slut doesn’t deserve it )  looked nice standing next to Kurose.

–She is cute even if she is evil.

–Yeah, I get what you mean. They look nice together.

I was shocked. I was so shocked. I was at a loss for words. Just because she is a girl some people are ready to forgive her for what she did and say ridiculous things like these. She ruined Shirotani in every way possible. How can someone even say that? I can’t put into words how disgusted I felt when I read that.

Do people even realise what OCD is? It’s not something to laugh about. What she and Shirotani’s father did, it wasn’t okay. I am glad Shirotani at least got the courage to talk to his father but that doesn’t erase the father was in the wrong too. Wasn’t he fucking a student?

My main problem is, why can’t people accept that some female characters are horrible?  What’s with this crap of not calling bad fem characters bad? And she wasn’t even good looking, she was creepy.

The girlfriend of Halstead in Kyou Koi wo Hajimemasu, she was a monster. She actually said Kyouta tried to force himself on her when he didn’t do shit. She was the one coming onto him like some slag. She destroyed two boys friendship and what, we shouldn’t say she was bad because she is a girl. She was horrible.

I adore Hinohara Meguru’s works, I really do. I love love love Secret XXX and I am definitely going to buy it next April when it’s released. I adore Itsuki and Shouhei so much !!!

I will buy Therapy Game too because I love it. I am hoping Kamisama will be licensed soon. I really want to buy it. Rin is so darn nice, he has to be with Chiharu.

But whatever nonsense that was shown between Yuka and Shizuma—it’s unrealistic.

People don’t even look at people like Yuka after they break up with them. Regardless of the fact they are in same college or work at a same place.

It’s pathetic at best the way Shizuma says he is weak to her voice.

Not to mention she was a fucking stalker and what? They are friends? Even after what she did?

She was sleeping with someone else and they are still friends. She cheated on him, hurt him emotionally, hurt his feelings and he still talks to her.

Wow.

That’s not how the world works for any relationship.

Get out of here.

She was a bitch and I have a very bad feeling she and Shizuma’s other coworkers will create problems for him and Minato in the sequel being serialised now. Minato was so uncomfortable in the first chapter.

I don’t understand why no one said this is not reality. This is stupid.

If you want to defend female characters even if they are horrible and bad, fine.

But then, you shouldn’t write things like these :  “This shows reality of gay couples.”

Pick up any tragic yaoi/shonen ai where one half of a couple marries a woman and the other is left alone. The reviews of the story have this line.

Those works are praised and applauded. Why? Is that really the reality of all same sex couples? Or are you just happy that one male got to be with a female.

If some people like reality so much, they should just go and see the news.

This reality factor isn’t present when female characters do horrendous shit (Yuka’s case). I didn’t see people saying, this is bull. Why does he even talk to her? And what the fuck does he mean by he is weak to her voice?

Dude, seriously. She cheated on you and you are weak to her voice????

This nonsense is present everywhere. Movies, books, novels, anime, manga.

Take Vampire knight for example. 

The author should have been honest and said somewhere along the line she started shipping Zero and Kaname, but since Yuuki is the main girl she couldn’t put the two boys together. Zero/Kaname is a far better ship than Zeki or whatever Airen thing the author is trying to show now. It’s laughable at best, both Zeki and Airen.

I don’t like Ai, she loved Zero and now she is after his daughter. It’s weird.

Just because Ai is yume’s daughter doesn’t mean she is wonderful. I don’t like her or Ren.

You know what, it’s not even about like. I feel nothing for them. When I saw the new cover, I was like, yeah, it’s very pretty, and it’s very sweet. I am going to save the larger version when it becomes available.

That’s it.  I could care less whether they are together or not. 

 Maybe there is a reason for Ai’s stupidity. She was raised among losers like Ruka and Aidou. Is it any wonder she ended up being weird as hell?

Ruka Souen was a horrible character, she was disgusting and I don’t understand why her husband, Akatsuki always threatened Kaname instead of talking to his oh so great love.

Dude, tell your girl to stop trying to get another woman’s man’s attention. Kaname doesn’t give a fuck about anyone except Yuuki Kuran, his love of life.

Ruka and Aidou were pathetic. The fucker even encouraged Zero to take Yuuki from Kaname, and this was supposed to be Kaname’s friend.

Yeah right. Hell, all of Kaname’s so called friends told Zero and Yuuki to get together, except, Takuma.

Have I mentioned how much I love the guy? He is the only real friend of Kaname. He had guts to say to both Zero and Yuuki what would they do if he said he had some reservations about their relationship. He brushed it off later though but at least he said it.

Except for Yuuki, Takuma and Seiren, Kaname held no feelings for anyone in this whole goddamn manga.

The only reason I am still reading this series is because I want my Yume happy ending.

Canon is shitty many times. Don’t force people to like a story or a movie. Or everything that happens in a story. Sometimes one just doesn’t like some things.

Whatever nonsense that was shown in avengers endgame (Steve–Peggy ). That was disgusting. It made my mother and me so uncomfortable that we didn’t even bother going and seeing the movie again. I saw infinity war twice but endgame – it was a horror fest.

If the movie makers wanted to show Steve with a woman that badly, well, Sharon and Natasha were right there. Why Peggy? It didn’t make sense and came off as creepy and gross. We get it, they became so scared of Stucky’s popularity that they had to show Steve with a woman. We get it.

For all three CA movies, Steve was all Bucky, Bucky, and Bucky. That’s it.

And he didn’t even talk to him in endgame. Right.

Steve/Nat was a good ship, they could have been together but what we got was some gross uncle - aunt - niece shit. Steve kissed Sharon right after Peggy’s funeral, that’s a fact. Where did his love go then?

Then again, this is the same character (Steve Rogers) who married female Tony Stark in one universe but otherwise fights with all male Tony’s.

God, could the writers get any more homophobic? Or maybe Steve saw Natasha Stark as a replacement for Peggy Carter too. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Brunettes, women.

Yeah, that does make sense.

That’s why I hate when people genderbent one half of a slash couple. It’s inherently homophobic. Stop trying to justify your reasons. Don’t give ridiculous excuses like you wanted diversity and all that crap. You are only making yourself look stupid and dumb.

This rubbish need for diversity never arose with FM couples. So, please don’t.

Where are Female Tony and Male Pepper fics, where are Female Clint and Male Natasha fics? Oh, sorry, they don’t exist. Neither do female Tony and Pepper.

If they do, they aren’t that popular. And I am sure female Clint and Natasha doesn’t exist.

But one can find plenty female Bilbo, female Harry, female Tony fics. All these OC females paired with males. They are OFC. They aren’t real.

Some people just can’t accept them (Thorin/Bilbo, Steve/ Tony) as an MM slash ship so they change their gender.

It’s MM Slash. No matter how many times you write in fics, this is Fem Harry, this is Fem Tony, Harry is a girl. This is not slash in capitals.

Stop.

You are only coming off as desperate, nothing more.

Stop trying to undermine the MM slash ship. It’s a slash ship, it will always be slash.

Is there any female Ron and male Hermione story? Yeah, Granger wouldn’t look like a God now would she if Male Hermione attacked female Ron because Ron didn’t want to date him?

Another example.

Let’s turn Merope Gaunt into a man and have him rape Tom Riddle Sr who is a female. No one would give a fuck if Merope was abused then. Merope raped Tom Riddle Sr and I am still astounded by the fact she was portrayed as a tragic figure while Tom Riddle Sr was shown as arrogant.

Excuse me?

Nobody cared about him in the books. Did he deserve to get raped for months by Merope because he was what? A man? Arrogant? Fuck off.

Since she was abused that gave her the freedom to douse the man with Amortentia for months to make herself happy. What rubbish excuse is that?

He owed her nothing. If she was abused, that doesn’t mean he was obligated to like her or care for her. And after what she did to him, he made a wise decision to run away from her.

Merope Gaunt traumatized Tom Riddle Sr. The man never married, even after escaping from her. His fate was even worse than Merope’s.

I can’t believe that this was completely swept under the rug. No one felt sorry for the man. All sympathies were for Merope.

Many things in HP don’t make sense. Couples, characters, their decisions etc.

Its fine if many people love it but there are many who don’t like it too. Stop trying to tell everyone what they should like or not. If someone doesn’t, respect that.

Genderbending one half of a slash couple is annoying and irritating. It’s homophobic and will remain that. All the dominant male keeps on saying in those dumb fics is how much they want to fuck the female/genderment male or are enamored with her chest and body. It’s revolting to even read that.

And of course they want lots of babies. That’s a must. Hetero sex and babies. That’s the crux of almost all gender bent fics. The dominant male wants to see the OFC with his babies.

Great!

Slash haters don’t hate this, do they? Isn’t this fetishizing female anatomy? Or have you actually deluded yourself into thinking female Bilbo and female Harry exists. 

They don’t.

Harry Potter is a boy, so is Bilbo Baggins. Hell, Tony Stark is a man except for in one universe.

Steve can’t fall in love with Tony if he is a male. What did he fell for then? Fem Tony’s body?

Gender bent isn’t even crack, its worse than crack. Either these original character females are docile and nice or are BAMF’s like anything.

And don’t say don’t read if you don’t like it. Why not? Why shouldn’t we make fun of these stories?

These same people have the audacity to whine about slash ships on many platforms. Even in FM stories MM is not shown as something normal. I’ve come across many FM stories which literally made me want to throw something at the screen. Some were blatantly insulting to same sex relationships.

And let’s not forget genderbent FM stories which have this rubbish line: we are okay with fem slash, but not with MM slash.

Okay, fine. Good.

What the hell does that even mean?

Hmm, maybe that’s why genderbent FF couples don’t exist. This change is only meant for MM.

Right. Wonderful.

Yikes !

This ridiculous sentence is written on many fic writers profile and these same people changed one half of a MM slash couple into a female, with this lovely sentence at the beginning of their stories: This is not slash. It’s not SLASH. We can’t stress enough, it’s not slash!

How many times do these people  have to tell themselves that it’s not slash?

It’s MM slash and will always be that.

[searchingforbucky]

FIC RECS (Part 7) :)

Request: Do you have any recommendations for mermaid!bucky? I read edge of water by @floatingpetals and adored it and would love to read more (: 

Okay not gonna lie, I had to go and do research and read some fics for this list, because I hadn’t read many mermaid fics before. However, I’ve compiled a list of the ones I liked! Its a little short, because I didn’t find many. I hope you like it though! 💓

Edge of the Water by @floatingpetals

Okay, I know you read it, but I can’t make a mermaid fic rec list without including this! It would be a sin. Before my research this was the only mermaid!bucky fic I had ever read. It’s a Stucky x reader fic, so if you’re not into that beware. This story was such an amazing ride. It’s long, and incredibly well detailed. It was literally so enticing once I started I couldn’t stop. There were twists and turns in the best ways, and made me feel SO many things. I’m not a huge stucky x reader fan, but this was one I couldn’t get out of my head!

This Drabble by @all1e23 

Like I said, I didn’t find much, but I did find some amazing small drabbles! This is one of them! I love everything Allie does, and this is 100% included (though it is stucky again, but great writers can make me like things I never thought I would) its super cute, I love the open ending, I feel like its one of those dribbles that makes me want to become a writer myself to be able to finish it the way I want, but alas, I will leave that to these lovelies. 

Drabbles ONE TWO and THREE by @papi-chulo-bucky

So Del does an amazing job of balancing semi-smut and absolute adorable Bucky in such small drabbles. The first two of these are amazing, they’re just the right amount of cocky Bucky and allusions to sexy times. (How that works with mermaid busy? Not sure, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask) and the third is another amazing Drabble that I wish was made into a full fic its just so good!

Like Silver Glass by @thejamesoldier

So I was on the fence about including this one, because its unfinished and it seems as though its going to stay that way. Warning, it does end in a cliff hanger. However, whats there is such an amazing story. Its two chapters, and those are filled with beautifully descriptive world building, adorable nose rubs, protective friends, and a love building across two different worlds. What you get to read here is spectacular, its worth the cliffhanger to me.

Merman!Bucky Headcanons by @daenyara

This is a head cannon, but that doesn’t make it any less lovely! Along with a mermaid AU its also a circus au! Two in one baby! I love the sort of juxtaposition of his true experience as the winter soldier with this mermaid circus experience, incredibly well thought out and done. In a small head cannon list, this beautiful love is created, a full story carried out in bullet points. Amazing, wish I had read it a lot earlier than I did

Stranded by @imaginesofeveryfandom

So this one is a fully completed fic, and boy is it good! I love how unique this story is. Its like a half castaway half mermaid au. It definately didn’t end the way I thought it was going to. (Thats probably my fault for always expecting stereotypes lol) But it was nice, it was refreshing to see something slightly different. It reminded me of H20 the show in a way where he can go back and forth between tail and legs. All in all super cute fic, would definitely read again. 

Lost Under the Sea by @buckys-old-habits

This one is currently in progress, and its really good so far. Theres a lot of small details that really help build this world in this, and I really like how different bucky is portrayed. He is kinda a naive guy, and I find that endearing. Im obviously not sure where this will go, or how it will end up, but its been great so far and I’m excited for the next chapter!

A mermaids kiss by @arawynn 

This one was absolutely so well thought out. I keep saying this, and sorry to sound repetitive, but the universe created in this was outstanding, hell, they even provided conversions at the beginning! This one was like the cutest mix of royalty and mermaid au! Its like I was fulfilling a dream from when I was a kid, a mermaid and a princes?! *swoon* so incredibly cute, and so well done. 10/10 would read again! :)

Thank you for reading until the end if you did, I really appreciate it! And thank you to who requested it, it gave me nice opportunity to read more stories in a universe I usually wouldn’t have stumbled into! 

[dekudynamight]

Hi, I’m feeling sad because I feel like I can’t read Steve Rogers x reader inserts anymore. I think (even though this is all fiction and not real) “Steve would never be with me and of course he would go back to Peggy because he can’t get over her. And she’s his lost love” I see fanfictions where he leaves the reader and I just believe that that’s how it would be if he was with me. I feel a bit worthless and in pain. I guess I’m attached to him as comfort, and now it’s gone and I feel empty.

OH BBY 😭😭😭

Nonnie first of all I love you and I just wanna hug you and squeeze you after reading that 😥 but I want you to know that those feelings you have are valid and understandable and you’re not alone. I know for myself, there was a period where I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to write or enjoy stucky anymore thanks to EG and it was truly a grieving process of sorts. It probably would sound nuts to non fandom ppl but like, when you’ve invested so much time and emotion into something just to have it turn around and crush you... it takes time to process that.

But I’m gonna share something with you that helped me a lot, and I tried to find the post but of course tumblr sucks and I can’t, but the spirit of the post is: Every single version of Steve Rogers that came after his creator wrote him is, by definition, fanfiction. Literally every single comic, movie, etc that wasn’t directly penned by his very first author is fanfiction. The character currently is owned by a massive corporation that gets to call the shots and dictate “canon” but Steve Rogers is no more “theirs” than any of his previous writers, because Steve Rogers as a fictional character is whatever we believe him to be. We, the fans. Disney and Marvel may get to profit off of him but he belongs to us in a beautiful and special way that no corporation can ever touch.

Now, as nice as that sentiment is, I know it still hurts and honestly EG will probably never not hurt for me, either. But that Steve that you attached to and found such comfort in? He’s not gone, I promise. He’s still around, and he’d kick EG Steve’s butt for doing what he did 😂 his entire arc pre EG was about moving on and letting go of the past, finding new purpose, and finding new love (I know most of us didn’t like Sharon, but still). The fact that EG inexplicably took about eleventy billion steps backwards and turned Steve into a creepy weirdo who couldn’t stop obsessing over a dead married woman he kissed once... it’s just a bad fanfic written by corporate-owned old white dudes. Steve Rogers, the Steve I know and love, would absolutely not leave you for Peggy. He wouldn’t leave Bucky or his other friends and family for her, either. The fact that Disney disagrees... eh. I’m finally in a place where I can brush it off as just bad fanfiction, and I hope all of us can get there eventually.

I hope this helps in some way, nonnie, and feel free to come back and talk whenever you need to. I’m here for ya and we’ll get through the post-EG depression together 💪🏻💙💙💙

[pizzarollpatrol]

Fic Rec List #4 2/3/2019

First rec list of 2019! As always, thank to all these beautiful writers for sharing. 40 fics on this list this time. If a link doesn't work, please let me know! I’ll be happy to fix it.  

You Don't Have to be Alone by @thottybarnes

Summary: In which Bucky Barnes, a soldier who lost his arm on a peacekeeping mission overseas in Syria is having issues adjusting to being a disabled man in modern times. You, Barnes’ best friend since childhood, take it upon yourself to help him the best you can. Bucky x Reader. —— Oh my god I loved this so much. I just really love your writing.

Safe House by @thottybarnes 

Summary: When a mission goes south, you make it a personal mission to make your boyfriend, Bucky Barnes, see the light at the end of the tunnel by taking him to your safe house. Bucky x Reader.

Peppermint Shake by @thottybarnes

Summary: In which Reader happens to buy a peppermint milkshake with a cherry and two straws while on a date with her best guy. 40s!Bucky x Reader—— I love this one so much, its so sweet and endearing. 

Hero for Hire by @delicatelyherdreams

Summary: Tired of constantly being sat on the sidelines for missions, Bucky Barnes deciders that he’s going to do his own hero work and office his services to the public as a freelance “hero for hire.” he expects to be asked to rescue cats from threes or help little old ladies cross the street, but he doesn’t expect to get tangled up in your life. He definitely doesn’t expect to fall for you either. But, when you’re a hero for hire, you’ve gotta see the mission through. Bucky x reader. Completed series.—— holy fuck. Y’all, if you only read one fic from this list, read this one!!! Oh my god it is such a ride. I loved this fic with my whole ass heart and I got so freaking invested. 

Touch me Tenderly by @delicatelyherdreams

Summary: You’ve never seen his skin, never seen his scars. He’s scared to show them, but maybe all he needs is to feel your tender touch. Bucky x reader.

Day Off by @softlybarnes​

Summary: Bucky really wants to take a nap with the reader, but she just wants to read.Bucky x reader. —— Holy crap. This is literally the softest thing I’ve ever read. This is my actual dream, I absolutely loved this and I desperately want this in life. I love how clingy he is and I love how despite how he’s touching her, its still just innocent, grounding touch. I love this fic with my whole ass heart, definitely one of my favorites. 

Sad by @softlybarnes

Summary: The reader, who has struggled with depression all her life, slips back into that deep sadness. Bucky is worried and tries his best to help. Bucky x reader. —— I was crying almost the entire time i read this, it’s so beautiful and heartbreaking

Sugar by @softlybarnes

Summary: Bucky survives the war and comes home just a little bit changed. His girl loves him anyway, and she knows exactly how to show it. Bucky x Reader. Smut. —— YOOOOOOOOO. Dude I just love your writing so much, you don’t understand the happiness I feel every time i read one of your fics. I loved this one so much. I love the way to talk to each other and how they carry their relationship.

Casual by @writing-parker

Summary: The reader has been seeing Steve for more than a year now, stuck somewhere between friends with benefits and an actual relationship. He wants to commit to you, but he cant let himself. You overhear a conversation you wish you hadn’t-learning much more about the way Steve feels about you than you ever wanted. Steve Rogers x reader. —— My heart BROKE. Even tho know you see how Steve feels about the reader from his thoughts, I still couldn’t help but hate him. God, this was so good. 

Give Him Back by @soopranatural

Summary: The Hulk is not an idiot, he knows when he is needed and he knows when he is not. Bruce Banner x Enhanced!Reader. —— Oh my god. ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod. This is the first Bruce fic I’ve ever read and I feel in love. I love how you characterized Hulk and it was so sweet. This fic definitely left me wanting more Bruce and Hulk fics.

Firefighter!Bucky Drabble by @hootyhoobuckaroo

Summary: If firefighter!Bucky rescued you from a fire, realistically you wouldn’t even know it was him. Bucky x Reader.—— AHHHHHH I never even considered Firefighter!Bucky until now and I can’t stop thinking about it. I loved this sooooo much. 

Eggnog by @buckyforbreakfast

Summary: Bucky as a little too much and gets creative with the gingerbread men. Bucky x Reader. —— I know, I know, Christmas passed already but holy crap. I was not about to leave this fic out of the list. Its so cute, I could not contain myself.

Baby by @paradisaicsam

Summary: Different situations in which reader makes Peter flustered by calling him baby. Peter Parker x Reader. —— Oh i loved this one so so much. Its so sweet and endearing.

A Restless Night by @221bshrlocked

Summary: “My room is haunted, so I have to sleep in yours.” Steve x reader. Smut.

Things Change by @fvckingavengers

Summary: After completing a rough mission, Bucky and the reader retreat to her family’s vacation home as a safe house. Bucky x reader. 

Effortless by @supernovasandcoronas

Summary: “I’ll be right back” kisses: A puts their hands on B’s shoulders from behind them, where they are sat on the couch. He leads down around, while B turns his head a little, accepting the quick peck. Sam Wilson x reader.

Fresh Eyes by @supernovasandcoronas

Summary: You’re a pharmacist in one of the busiest pharmacies in Brooklyn. When some of the Avengers start picking up their medications from your pharmacy, you know life is about to get infinitely more interesting. Sam Wilson x Poc!Reader

Oxytocin by @supernovasandcoronas

Summary: Touches that may or not lead to something more. Bucky x reader.

Gentle by @invisibleanonymousmonsters

Summary: Y/N has never seen Bucky be anything but gentle and loving. It’s hard for her to believe her boyfriend was ever the world’s deadliest and most lethal assassin. Bucky x reader. —— Oh god, I loved this with my whole ass heart. 

Swipe Right by @avengerscompound

Summary: Sam Wilson signs Steve up for Tinder. When the woman he Super Likes during Sam’s tutorial messages him, Steve goes from unwilling dating app user to developing feelings. Steve  Rogers x Reader. Completed series.

Breakfast in Bed by @avengerscompound

Summary: Children really do change things They also have terrible timing. Steve x reader.

Dead Serious by @puppy-barnes

Summary: When you accidentally kill a man after a night with friends, you call your boyfriend Bucky to come save the day. Bucky x Reader. —— God, I loved this so much. Its so original and hysterical and I’ve read this so many times. 

Polaroids by @spidey-holland67

Summary: May gets Peter a camera for his birthday, ever since then he cant stop taking pictures of you. He always kept them in a box in his room, but one day some one finally finds them. Peter Paker x Stark!Reader. Smut

Sharing by @elivanah

Summary: Steve’s girlfriend finds out that Steve and his best friend used to share their women. Steve x reader x Bucky. Smut.  —— If this aint the hottest shit I’ve read in a while. 

What Feels Right by @waywardmoeyy

Summary: Castiel makes a move on the reader. Castiel x reader. 

Adrenaline Fix by @jaamesbbarnes

Summary: When you need to spice up your life and Bucky in intendedly provides the spice but also the comfort. Bucky x Reader. —— AHHHH IM SO SOFT YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. 

Lil Bit Floozy by @piscesbarnes

Summary: Bucky’s more prone to be responsive when you’re a soft drunken mess. Bucky x reader

Snowed In by @beckzorz

Summary: You’re all set for a vacation in the woods. A cozy cabin, a fireplace, solitude… Then a tall stranger falls through your front door. What’s a girl to do? Bucky x reader. —— Hannukah fic!!

Starshine by @a-splash-of-stucky

Summary: The starts feature in some important moments throughout your life. 40s!Steve Rogers x reader —— Absolutely loved this and shed a few tears by the end. 

Unusual Request by @a-splash-of-stucky

Summary: In which you dress up as a schoolgirl and have a threesome with Nat and Steve. Steve x Natasha x Reader. Smut.

How Long Will I Love You by @a-splash-of-stucky

Summary: Nothing Lasts forever, except, perhaps, your love for him. Artist!Steve Rogers x Artist!Reader. —— Just break my heart into billions of pieces i guess.

The Quest for Love by @sgtjbuccky

Summary: (Modern-Day!AU) Work has always been a priority for Bucky, leaving things like love long forgotten, and for him it’s no problem, but for Sam and Steve it is the biggest problem to grace this earth. Fed up with Bucky and his constant protests and avoidance of love, they set him up on a series of dates to find the girl of his dreams with the help of the magical spirit of December. Only for Bucky to realize love isn’t always found where one goes looking for it, but may be close by. Bucky x reader. Completed series. —— Ohhhhhhhh my goddddddddd.  The love i have for this series is unreal. I love their banter and playfulness and how easy going their whole relationship us. Its so fun and sweet and endearing. 

Say It by @sgtjbuccky

Summary: In where you loved Bucky unconditionally, enough to sacrifice your life for his happiness, now Bucky tries to save you. Bucky x reader. Completed series. —— Bruhhhhhhhhh, this is such a good ass series. Unrequited love, sacrifice and soooo much pain. Love this fic with my whole ass heart.

Already Yours by @sgtjbuccky

Summary: Bucky hasn’t had the best of luck trying to charm you, but when confidence finally washes over him, he makes his move only to realize is ain’t as smooth as he used to be, but that may not be a bad thing at all. Based on prompt: “You keep licking your lips and giving me that look, you don’t even know me, yet I’m already yours”. 40s!Bucky x reader.

The Three Times Steve Caught You by @bucky-plums-barnes

Summary: Bucky is back from the war, you have time to make up for. Sometimes it’s interrupted. 40s!Bucky x reader. 

Woman Like a Drug by @writingcroissant

Summary: Bucky thinks naughty thoughts and you’re not ready to reveal a secret. Bucky x reader

Out of Touch by @buckitybarnes

Summary: “I think i requested this one before but i really want this fic! Bucky always to goes to hang with the reader when he wakes up with nightmares because he thinks she’s always still up. In reality, reader make FRIDAY wake her up when Bucky gets up at night so she can comfort him and Steve finds out.” Bucky x reader. —— This tore my heart to bits.

I Just Want Attention by @buckysforeverprincess

Summary: You begin to have doubts about your relationship with Steve as he starts to pull away from you. Steve x reader. —— Oh fuck, whatever I had left of a heart was destroyed. 

Kinkmas - Day Eight by @beardandbooty

Summary: Subby rope bunny Bucky. Bucky x reader. Smut. —— Technically this is more of an headcanon/drabble (???) than a fic but It was too good to not put it on the list. Also, i love the term rope bunny, and Bucky’s last line in this fic.

Headcanon by @prettyyoungtragedy

Summary: Ask: “Being one of the best assassins ever known, Bucky lord to use his skills and stealth to get handsy with you whenever he can. He can almost have you on the verge of coming on the couch while everyone is in the same room watching movies and they never notice.” Bucky x reader. Smut. —— Also a headcanon, but I loved this a little too much. 

[tempestaurora]

endgame opinions

spoilers under the cut. i’ve opened my dms so feel free to come and scream/yell/cry/whatever with me. this turned out really long because i start speculating half way through as well as talking about opinions.

let’s start with harley keener, my son, who was literally only in the movie for a second, at the fucking funeral. are you kidding me. and a lot of people don’t know what ty simpkins looks like now?? so even my friend didn’t know who he was until i started physically vibrating in my seat

HOWEVER, he and peter are in the same location, which totally opens up a plausible reason for them to know each other, become best friends/brothers/roommates at MIT

it’s sad that it was just him standing alone though, like no one stood with him, like his mother or anyone. that’s sad.

i wrote a harley keener infinity war fic so like,, feel free to read that to get the harley keener endgame feelings we DESERVE

aNYWAY, good film

i enjoyed it a lot for the most part, like i have so few complaints its unreal

it’s a genuinely funny film that didn’t feel like it was shoehorning in comedic relief, but like the movie was SUPPOSED to be lighter and funnier and drama was happening in between

i didn’t care for the ending in the slightest fuck that

i’m pissed about being lied to by the directors about a canon gay character. they sat up there on their high horses, congratulating themselves for a job well done for diversity, when it was just a fucking extra with no name, referring to a male partner twice. that’s it. you’re fucking kidding me if you think that’s diversity, if the russos truly think that was worth getting our hopes up for.

you know who could’ve been confirmed lgbt? valkyrie. steve. bucky. tony. (and no, tony appreciating steve’s ass doesn’t confirm our bi father, son and holy spirit on screen, unfortunately.)

that’s a fucking joke, russos. i hope they’re fucking ashamed of that.

(i really was watching that final bucky/steve scene and hoping for some hint of, it was always you, you know and got fucking nothing. i barely even ship stucky and i know that it should’ve been them)

the clint/natasha fight on vormir was the best scene, hands down. there’s no competition here. it was the best moment of the film, and despite my annoyance at the russos seeing that the audience didn’t appreciate gamora dying to further a man’s arc, and then fucking doing it again, i really did like that scene

i figured nat was gonna die but i didn’t think i’d actually be sad about it

as soon as they said they were going to vormir i knew the fight would happen and it lived up to every expectation and some

the barton home cold open was fantastic

why the ever loving FUCK was carol danvers so forcefully advertised to us?????? why were we told over and over and over that carol was gonna kill thanos, that she was gonna save the day, that the avengers literally had zero chance without her????? she had four minutes of screentime what the fuck

i appreciate her and peter’s interaction though that was cute and he was wrecked

the peter/tony reunion was cute af, glad they finally got their hug

also, i always wanted peter to call him tony but like that???? nah

side note, don’t remember in the slightest what rhodey and peter said as tony died because i was sitting there going, he’s not actually gonna die, obviously, that’s not gonna happen, they’re gonna make us think he will and then he’ll come back so i missed both their goodbyes

i know it was a 3 hour film but there was space for... more. there should’ve been more. where was rocket and groot’s reunion? where was bucky and steve’s?

where did valkyrie get a fucking pegasus from

bruce and hulk’s new system is hilarious but the fact that he dabbed pains me

bruce wielding the gauntlet was so incredibly left field i loved it, like no one guessed that he’d be the one to bring everyone back. no one

scott did great

i’m not sure if i can settle myself with this five year time jump for a whole host of reasons

1. do we have, officially, a new cassie lang actress? is our iconic abby ryder fortson leaving us for an older actress???

2. far from home takes place, supposedly, a week after endgame. it was one of the reasons i believed tony wouldn’t die, because it seems like a wholly upbeat film - and y’all saw his face at the funeral, he was fucking gone - and it’s even been confirmed to be lighter and funnier, so there better be some fucking low blow that takes peter out on the tony front (but did the writers/directors even know tony had died when they made the film? will it be ignored altogether?) back to the main point:

2a. it’s around the year 2023 and as soon as the entire world comes back, there’s a two week field trip to europe that peter and all his classmates have somehow paid for, signed permission slips for, and arranged, despite the fact that they’ve all been dead for five years. and i mean all. literally the entire main cast of spiderman is still in peter’s class, they haven’t grown up and moved on. the entire fucking cast got dusted.

3. we didn’t really get to see tony and steve make up??? they kinda just brushed over everything

i almost cried seeing ned leeds and peter reunite

okay now the biggies:

i’m Not Okay with tony stark dying

i’m not

it’s not just that he’s my favourite character and i care about him above all others, it’s that his entire arc has been about first, accountability, and second, leaving the fight. yes, it’s also got a lot of heart motifs and mentions of sacrifice too. i understand that. but tony has been wrestling with his father’s legacy and the kind of father he’ll be since day one.

he deserved his happy ending.

not just five years. not just a daughter who will know OF him but not know him, who’ll forget the short time of memories she has in due course. he deserved to grow old with his daughter and his wife and the kid whose photo he placed on the shelf in the kitchen, where he could see it every day.

he does deserve rest. but he deserves the kind of rest where he’s alive.

i have said before that if tony stark dies, i stop watching the mcu, and tbh, might actually go through with it. i don’t know if i really want to watch the films, knowing he’s gone? (and that they could’ve used either the time stone, or, you know, their time travel machine, to go two weeks back, grab that tony and bring him into the present. say, hey, you died, but now you can keep living.)

and steve.

oh steve.

i love steve rogers, i do. i absolutely adore steve rogers. but i’m about the same level of angry about his ending as i am about tony’s.

and honestly? it’s only because it’s not him. it’s not the him we know. my friend said that cap went and settled down because he’d finally learnt the lesson tony had been teaching; that maybe there is a reason to set down the shield and live a quiet, good life. but i don’t like it. it opens time anomalies, inconsistencies. it doesn’t feel like him.

since cap came into the 21st century, his story line has had a motif of moving on. about getting with the times, learning new music, new references, finding old friends and having to decide whether he should hold onto them and risk what he has now, or let them go. he’s been staring at a photo of peggy carter since 2011, he made peace with her life when he visited her in hospital, he let her go when she died. he watched her, through her office window, be director of shield, knowing she was about to have a life that she loved. she has children, a family. 

it doesn’t feel like the steve rogers i know to take that away from her

but at the same time, i understand that sometimes, he should get to be a little selfish. he was selfish when it came to protecting bucky over all else, and it ended with mixed results.

i loved the final scene, of he and peggy dancing and kissing, but i think i would’ve loved that scene just as much, if not more, if it had happened in the afterlife. with an about time from peggy.

on the same subject: bucky and sam.

i’m super happy with sam being the next captain america (does this mean we’ve been lied to about the whole falcon and winter soldier tv show? is it actually a captain america and winter soldier show?)

i think bucky knew what steve’s plans were, though it would’ve been nice to have some on-screen confirmation. i think that’s why he seemed relieved that steve was sitting on the bench; he knew what steve was going to do and was glad he’d lived long enough to pass the torch once and for all

HOWEVER, the time anomalies i mentioned:

peggy carter’s established timeline is broken

does sharon carter exist? if yes, does this timeline’s steve rogers still make out with her

if steve goes into the past, the steve that he already was and his whole existence in the 21st century will still happen. that means he’ll look for peggy. that means he’ll find her. with him. in the future/present. steve is therefore made aware of the future - would that then effect how he acts with civil war/infinity war etc? would that then erase the events that happened, limiting steve from going back?

does he tell anyone that hydra is in shield

does he get bucky the fuck out of hydra or does he let his best friend be tortured for 70 years

i think bucky should’ve been a part of the sam/captain america torch conversation. if only because steve’s narrative has focused around bucky since 2011 and it ends with a don’t do anything stupid while i’m gone / you’re taking all the stupid with you - that’s not a satisfactory ending lads

much of me thinks steve and tony’s outcomes should’ve been switched. tony wants a quiet life, steve has said many times that he can’t imagine giving up the fight, living as a civilian in obscurity. i think it’s a cruel way to end it.

plus steve is ALWAYS the one making speeches about sacrifice, but he’s never the one to actually make the sacrifice. it’s always tony.

i’m happy for steve, i am.

i think i’d just be happier if morgan could grow up with her father and if pepper wasn’t a single parent and peter didn’t have to navigate the rest of his life - super powered and not - alone

side note, far from home taking place a week after endgame: nick fury wasted no fucking time jumping on spiderman. like, tony absolutely protected him from fury before infinity war, and the dude’s barely buried and fury’s making his move on peter - not cool

anyway, i genuinely did enjoy the film. i find it incredibly difficult to believe this was shot immediately after infinity war because the tone is so different, and i was remembering all those photos we had from reshoots and realised none of those scenes made it in the final cut. 

it was a good film. probably the most emotionally mature of the mcu. not my favourite. i’m angry about the ending. nebula should’ve killed thanos at least once. cool that gamora’s back. sad about nat. devastated about tony. happy for steve on the surface, until i spend 2 seconds looking deeper. loki’s probably alive because the timeline changed and they replaced the tesseract in 1970, not 2012, so officially, loki never goes to asgard jail anymore

but for real: how does steve replace the tesseract in the past when it’s now the space stone? how does he get that past anyone at all?

edit: I SOMEHOW forgot about rescue, the moment i’ve been waiting for for a decade

i love her, i love the suit, i love the pepper was incredibly badass with it with zero hesitation. i wish someone had said the name rescue like i wish someone had said captain marvel - but no dice. it’s such a rad suit and seeing her and tony fight side by side was so cool

edit 2 bc im a dumbass: CLINT MY ARROW BOY I LOVE YOU, YOU GOT ALL THE SCREENTIME U FUCKIN DESERVED

[musette22]

So who do you think in here will always be a stucky shipper and will always give us beautiful content ? Cus I've lost a lot of blogs unfortunately who suddenly became steggies and sambuckies which I don't have a problem with i just can't see myself changing! And I just want to know who's willing to keep us alive

Yeah, I feel you, anon! Fortunately, content doesn’t always need to come from people who are solely Stucky shippers! Lots of fan artists and fic writers are multi shippers and still give us the most beautiful Stucky content on a regular basis! 💛 Moreover, people come and go on Tumblr. There will be people who discover Stucky in the future, there will be people who have taken a break after Endgame and eventually come back because they feel ready for it and miss the ship, but there will also be people who are currently Stucky warriors (and I think will remain so for a long time!) I think some of those are:

@incorrectstevebucky @st-eve-barnes @wintersoldier1989 @womb-to-tomb-sweetheart @riricitaa @kazablanka96 @panthergyrl @paper-storm @rainbowsandcoconut @yourbucky-x @elamae56 @mille-baci @caps-boo-bear @evonston @cmorgana @cat-ws @lyricayed @rogersanddanvers @chiffoun @everythingstucky @steve-and-plums @steveandbucky @stucky-evans-stan @mrd-k3 @greyhoundsgirl @luckystevebucky @winterofthedarkestlight @midnightsvoid @wrestlingdespairings @steveandbvcky

There are also a ton of incredible artists, a lot of whom you can find in this post! As for authors, there are literally too many to mention here, but if anyone wants me to I’d be happy to make a separate post about those!

Sorry if I included you and you don’t feel like you quite fit the bill! In that case please don’t hesitate to let me know and I’ll remove you :) Also, if I haven’t mentioned you and you think you do fall under this category, feel free to let me know too ❤️