#i literally get electrocuted every time it updates

[dragongirldg]

Hellooo there how are you

anyways if you want you can use this post to infodump on whatever you want

Info dumping huh? Well then.

I have been the biggest fan of this one ship for as long as I remember. Back in high school, I developed an interest in Homestuck. I obsessed over John Egbert specifically.

As I read fanfiction and looked at fanart, no ship sparked. I didn’t really care. I would read and yeah it’s cute and blah blah blah not my OTP.

Then the worst thing could have happened.

I looked at a crack ship and then I was fxcked. The more I thought about it, the more I loved it. Karkat who? Dave who? Dirk who? Sollex and Eridan who? Literally everyone that’s a common ship WHO?

It didn’t stick with me.

Want to know what stuck?

Caliborn.

I had this idea of Calliope getting to John first and then breaking up for one reason or another.

Then Caliborn and John date or live together for other reasons.

Calliope doesn’t really come into the equation anymore or show up in my daydreams.

I don’t why, but I thought it was adorable if John just got bothered by Caliborn at every turn. They’d bother and fight and just it was cute how much they antagonized.

Then I started developing my trans Headcanon and June eventually makes her first appearance without her being June. It’s only recently (late 2022? - 2023) that I heard the name June and went from there.

I would draw and write fanfiction after fanfiction adding and subtracting details.

June stays 8ft tall and Caliborn is slightly shorter by a few feet or inches.

Caliborn gets rid of the half shaved hair look for short curly hair.

I couldn’t stop doodling John all over my school work to the point my science teacher recognized him when I gave her a little quiz. She had a bearded dragon in the classroom and I loved holding them during class :3

(Don’t ask about the things I did in highschool)

I had a ton of ideas and a lot of them were problematic tbh so I’m still curving them out of my head for far better ideas.

No matter what fandom I became a part of John/ June x Caliborn never left me. I didn’t want to really read fics anymore since no one writes my ship.

Does anyone actually do pixies and Crocker and Harley and Egbert family dynamics? Do they ever have them interacting like a big extended family?

If I had the urge, I’d write my AU ideas more. (I’m kinda stuck at the moment, work burns me out to much and too often that I don’t have motivation to get through the one? Shot I have)

I am going to attempt to redraw this political romance fancomic I drew a long time ago to update it with my newest version of John/ June. That means she will be June. If I could find the notebooks I had.

With my inability to write I’m stuck with lackluster chapters and get nothing done. I need some form of energy boost for my creativity. It’s at an all time low at the moment, being used for other fandoms.

Like this Transformers AU that got me in a chokehold.

Optimom AU (I have a whole blog on it if you want to send asks and stuff)

Optimus becomes the mother of Soundwave, Sari, and Bumblebee. The seeker teens think of Optimus as their mother and there are like 9 of them. Not to mention the others that kind of sees Optimus as a mother figure.

Basically Found Family Trope :3

It’s more complicated than that and I have several fanfics and fanart (which is now found in the Blog)

The messy Age thing with Sari, it’s because I plan of having her die at some point (trauma) and I can’t in good conscience do that to a 3-5 year old (it’s by electrocution).

Yeah it’s messed up, but the world of Transformers is equally if not more messed up and morally grey :3

At least Ariel (Black Arachnia) and Sari get to become extensions of Unicron and Primus!

Sentinel redemption and Ultra Magnus retiring to become Optimus’ father.

There’s a lot to the AU I’m not going in to in this post but yeah!!! That’s it!!!

Honestly I could go on, but then the post will never end.

[crackedcrystal]

Intro Post

Sup, welcome to my Whump Blog.

I'll probably update or edit this post as things go along.

You can just call me Cracked or Cracked Crystal or whatever.

I go by she/her.

To start off, ever since I was young I've been drawn to these types of things. I just kinda like them, and sometimes they'll give me butterfly-type feelings. Which I kinda seek everytime.

I didn't really understand it, and I would write about it without knowing what it was. So later on, it was nice to learn I wasn't alone on this. But since I'm incredibly shy I just kind of looked at alot of whump-relates Tumblr blogs without making an actual account for over a year I wanna say (I have way to many saved tabs lol).

I got a boyfriend, he already knows and we happily tease about it together. In fact, you have him to partially thank for the existence of this blog.

I'm into art. Both traditional and digital. I still have yet to set up a thing for commissions but I do want to at one point. I also have a different and regular Tumblr account but I'm going to do my best not to link the two, obviously. This is just for whump stuff.

I also have stories and as a result- alot of OCs. Which I'll probably be making art of in the future and posting here. (Although I can't gurentee every single OC post will stick around depending on what I do with the stories in the future)

I hope to get more engaged in the community, despite my shyness (about everything lol). I'm not really worried about popularity or anything like that. But if you have any questions or want to talk feel free.

My OCs (All with some sort of ability and strong whump potential) - (DMs only (sorry))

Whump events I've participated in:

Whumptober 2022 (Masterlist)

Febuwhump2023 (Masterlist) (comepleted)

-Now for my whump trope list-

In no particular order

Absolute favorites

Lab and subject expiements stuff

Magical and power caused whump. Either by curses or side effects to that ability (I like to get real particular and specific with it too lol)

General weakness

General Fear (and sometimes paranoia)

(intense) nightmares

Passing out

Bleeding out/Blood loss

Impaled or stabbed

Dizziness and vertigo

Unconfused eyes and mental confusion

To weak to stand/faltering

Coughing up blood (or some kind of blood equivalent)

Cuffs, Chains, or bound whumpee (+struggling and straining)

Entanglement or trapped in a vulnerable spot

Vines or ya know, the restraints that are alive or controlled by an outside force.

Whumper become the whumpee

A sudden cause of pain that takes whumpee by surprise

The pain or weakness eventually overcoming a very determined or emotional whumpee (suddenly succumbing)

Self inflicted wounds

Painful nessiarily for healing or getting over something worse

Posioning/posioned

Betrayal and backstab (mayhr even revealed by a physical attack, such as a literal stab).

Smart whumpee slowly manipulating the current situation to their benfit, but still having to go through all the suffering regardless to get to a point.

Vampire whump (both victim and vampire)

Snakes. Squeezing and posion bite.

Choking and stragulation

Breath knocked out (and that's just the start of what's to come)

Being dragged towards the danger

A lil' bit of manhandling

Long progression of curse or posion that slowly gets worse (and worse).

Some psycological and moral complexity of the whumpee, whumper, and/or caretaker. (And some angst lol)

Caretaker become whumpee (most of the time)

Whumpee being harmed during a running scene.

Drowning and water related scenes.

Whumper having (slow) change or heart and begrudgingly being a caretaker

Whumpee having to save the whumper or caretaker (despite wounds)

Electrocution

Trembling

Memories and flashbacks and panic over that (usually alone)

Whumper or unwilling teamate taking advantage of a whumpee's (pre-existing) injury (clutching it to make them succumb or get their point across)

Webbed up.

Held captive (usually)

Jail or designated lab cell.

Headache that keeps getting worse and worse

Once defiant, now broken. (+Whumpee's previous confident demeanour suddenly or even slowly shattering, from the personal or/and physical attacks that cut just a bit to deep)

Immortal whumpees or characters that aren't quite human, that aren't used to or supposed to feel pain, feeling pain.

Certain royal whumpees

Angel and demon whump (of course), or just whumpees with wings.

Gunshots to the whumpee (usually)

Certain types of minimal torture

^ (including stuff like really hot or really cold things being pressed up against skin and watch them shudder aaaaa)

Multiple whumpers

Dark room and/or blindfolded (they don't know what's coming to them)

Some intimate whumpers.

Failed escape

Character who risks their life a little to often (sometimes due to feelings of worthlessness)

Nausea

Starvation (and sometimes dehydration)

Just won't die

Loss of control over self mentally or physically (such as a body part being controlled by an outside or unwanted force)

Whumpee uncomfort

Those slight sounds

But also- AGONYYY

Ok/mid things (still like them but to moderate or fluctuating degrees. It can also depend on the scene)

Emotional whump (sadness ig)

Recovery (or very typical caretaker and whumpee tend-to scenes)

Military whump

Whumpee dies

Mob situations (close to favorite)

Non-human whumpees (depends, half the time it's a favorite)

Regular coughing

Colds and most sickness whump

Collars

Hypothermia

Defiant whumpee

Cages

Whipping (sometimes will be a favorite though, depends on the scene)

Temporily blindness

Spider and creepy crawlies (the bigger the better, the smaller the more nah)

Severe burning (the more burning the more nah it is)

Nosebleed

Headwound itself

Memory loss (close to nah)

Live action whump (very rare when it's a favorite)

Begging

Overdosing (can really fluctuate between mid and favorite and sometimes nah)

Depressed whumpee

Injections

Ehhhhhh- Nah.

(very) intense gore and guts

That one moment where something sharp and sometimes needle like it slowly gonna pierce an eye

Most Pet whump stuff (some can be mid)

Most female whump

Way to much screaming

Genuine concussion

Blood-gut squishing noises (ya know the sound effect)

Overkill (with just about anything)

Almost all surgery without anesthesia (some can be mid tho)

Teeth pulling

Amputation, missing limbs.

Minor or pregnant whumpees. (Cool if caretaker tho)

Vomiting (a little bit is usually fine)

[steve0discusses]

S4 Ep40: Fixing Dartz By Not Actually Fixing Dartz

Yo Merry Christmas, I’m quarantined as hell, so I’m just streaming and playing video games until my problems get vaccinated away.

So lets just write about Yugioh because hell a lot didn’t go as planned this year (can you believe my 2020 goal for this blog was to finish ALL OF YUGIOH?) but although my goals were halved and quartered--With this blog I don’t freakin care anymore, and somehow...that’s how it’s one of the few creative bastions I have left standing.

Wild.

I’m so done with the internet, I’m not even updating twitter right now.

But hell yes, lets update the Yugioh blog.

So onward, with the last episode of this season. We last left off with Yami getting devoured by a hate tornado which is just...a lot of 2020 energy. This whole season, in a nutshell is just...2020 energy, honestly. And this tornado is just twitter. It’s just twitter incarnated.

Rather than try to save himself and consequently fix his ghost problem, Yugi has decided to keep himself haunted by fixing Pharaoh’s inner emotional problems. Really is something, isn’t it? To do low key therapy for the ghost that basically...put you in therapy? Yugi can help fix his problems but like...he’s still a mess of problems because of it. Now Yugi shouldn’t walk away, of course, that’s effed up, but it is a little irony there.

Pharaoh, of course, has decided to submit to the hate tornado, and sees it as a manifestation of his own anger and bad vibes.

Isn’t that’s the real problem we have when we have to confront the feelings we don’t want to confront? Where we tend to feel guilt and hate for being upset, which is just sort of a thing humans naturally tend to do--instead of actually working on controlling what you do with those feelings so that way we stop lashing out and setting everyone on fire in the burger restaurant?

Like Pharaoh should be learning to count to 10, not trying to just remove his anger. This has sort of been his problem for a while--he assumes he can just...delete his rage. That’s not a thing. You can’t do that unless you have very specific medication through a doctor, and that’s why he keeps failing at it.

And this goes back to S1 when he “fixed” Kaiba and like nothing really happened. Pharaoh’s decided to wipe himself and like...it’s up to your own interpretation but like...in my book that Pharaoh brand clean cycle does freakin nothing. It gets reversed like constantly.

(read more under the cut)

So Yugi decides to hit up Plan B, which is, honestly? Not a great message. But it’s the anime trope that we keep going back to because it’s the catch-all to make any anime protagonist into the good guy.

Like...

...

.......Yeah I’m gonna talk about it.

this is a trope that is so common it’s sort of ubiquitous with the genre. You gotta have the protagonist give up on their own strength, and be lifted up by their pals at the very last second--it’s like the anime hero’s journey.

But I really don’t like it. I don’t like the power of freindship. I’ll say it.

Because there’s some things you have to handle on your own. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing to have your main character show strength and show character development by doing things by themselves at the last minute. We already know that Pharaoh’s a good pal and believes in his friends--but like...does he believe in himself?

I can’t tell you if he does by how this episode goes, that’s for sure.

The whole point of this tornado is to see Yami discover his own strength and overcome his weaknesses...and yet he still relies on that good ol chestnut, friend powers.

Like last episode I feel like they did this already and it was way better--other people offered their help willingly, then Pharaoh got to have a big ol fight solo in the clouds to prove he was strong on his own as well. We finished the whole season last episode, so what are we accomplishing now other than a last minute secret boss fight?

Why would Yami doubt himself now? It’s weird. Yugi’s right to have mentioned “yo didn’t we figure this all out in desert hell???” because...we did. Yami is retreading old territory.

And that’s a thing that happens when you write, PS, when Yugi was saying “we already did this!” Yugi was reminding the writers of the show “we did this already. Like guys. We did this.” and sometimes when you’re writing, your characters will do that to you, and you should always be paying attention to cues like that.

Anyway, he vanquishes the hate tornado by thinking fondly of all of his buddies, and then the storm that should have been over the Atlantic Ocean, as according to the dub, parted in the sky above California.

GEOGRAPHY, the secret final boss of this season of Yugioh. And they failed. In a big way.

Yugi holds out his hands in real life, and pretends to hold a ghost that isn’t there. Now I want all of you to do this position IRL. Like that. OK. It looks like Yugi is holding onto a pair of ghost boobies.

Meanwhile, actual and very literal ghosts with very real bodies show up and start picking up Dartz and like...

...The ending of Dartz’ storyline is a TRIP! Lets just get into it!

This cursed dog. I can’t stand how this dog is drawn. I hate it so much that I actually love it, and if I saw this in a thrift store I would impulse buy it and hang it over my fireplace mantle in a golden gilded frame.

AHHH????

WHAT????

He electrocuted you with LIGHTNING! He killed your...everyone! He killed EVERYONE!

Also girl, how are you HERE? Like Physically??? I saw you die! TWICE!!

Yugioh is on SOMETHING with this one, and I think that “something” is called “we weren’t allowed to give you a PG-13 sad ending.”

This is just the freakin weirdest thing. We have a character who is worse than Darth Vadar, and this show has pulled so many dark things in it’s history, but it just...

...it can’t punish Dartz at all, and I don’t know what they were thinking.

They have been poetic before--Pegasus got his eyeball gruesomely ripped straight out of his face, nearly got murdered by Bakura, and was not able to resurrect his wife. Noah hella died, had to give up his plan to rule the world and be a real boy, and had to murder his own Dad even, the moment he finally made a bond with his brothers. Marik had to lose all control of his body, live helplessly inside Tea’s bod for an entire season and accept the fact that he murdered his Dad and now has to live on without any of the magic that ever made him powerful in a broken world and a broken family he will never understand.

Dartz though?

If he does get some sort of poetic retribution, it will be off-screen because we don’t have time for it.

And that’s kind of a bummer because this is usually something Yugioh is kinda good at! I enjoy when this show goes dark, this is a great opportunity to do it...and they didn’t.

It was just the wettest fart Yugioh has ever played on me.

Just the wettest. Nice knowing you, Dartz. Glad you were here to murder everyone on Earth and then totes get away with it because we’ll just pretend like the Orichalcos was a totally different person--although it’s not. Because Yami JUST told us that it doesn’t work that way. Yami JUST told us that the Orichalcos was using his own pain and his own hate against him.

It’s not a separate person, it’s the same!

And to suggest that Yami vanquishing that hate tornado somehow cured Dartz of all his sins, is some upper level Jesus stuff that I don’t think this show would normally want to tread on. Straight up. Yami is a pretty poor stand in for Jesus Christ, and I feel I can straight up say that because it’s Christmas.

...what HAPPENED in the writing room with this one? Did they just run out of episodes? There are less episodes this seasons than other seasons have been.

Was it edited for the English version? Because I...kind of doubt they could edit that much to make it that drastically different.

I’m just boggled. Like usually I’m of the opinion to let the writers do whatever they do because I do not know what was going on behind the scenes, and I’m still of the opinion that they did the best of what they could do with the resources they were given.

BUT, this episode just feels...hella sus. I feel like they just had to make an ending. Any ending. Get an ending on there and finish the season before the power goes out and then run away with whatever paycheck you get (because in entertainment--you might not get one).

Seto and Joey made it completely back to the KaibaCopter before Tea was like “I mean it’s been 15 minutes, guys, you really didn’t hear him behind you? You really lost his tiny pitter patter of his little shoes? The little shoes that make a little tinkly noise like a kitty cat’s collar? A little kitty cat collar that he also wears around his neck? His neck that has a golden pyramid held by a tow chain that makes a little clanky clank when it hits his two belts covered in metal rivets that makes a little singsong clippity cloppity noise every time he so much as breathes? He’s a walking talking Bell of Notre Dame, you lost him?”

and Seto was like “Oh damn it, I know he’s the same size as Mokuba, and so I should be really good at not losing this kid but also have you noticed how many times I’ve lost Mokuba???”

Joey just looked into the distant tomb hut and said “......You’re kidding me.” and decided to immediately run back because Joey Wheeler knows what’s up.

Had Joey Wheeler actually made it back to Atlantis, he would have seen Dartz and his entire family hugging it out and would have immediately socked the guy straight in the dick and it would have been a great way to finally give Dartz just one single consequence for murdering everyone on Earth but you know, I did not write this episode.

I’m really glad that in the same episode that Yami called upon the powers of friendship, his friends hella ditched him to vanquish in a watery grave.

This is wild!

Seto’s words were “Good riddance” as the island went down, and you could not tell if he was talking about the island or about Yugi.

That and Kaiba Really Hates Islands. LOVES watching an island go up in smoke (or underwater, in this case). Loves nothing more.

Seto, your powers of friendship were just used to save the world.

Apparently the standard for friendship power is...not much. But they did just make Yami, of all people, do a literal Jesus in Gethsemane so...the bar for morality is just not very high in this anime.

Did the Great Leviathan stitch Weevil Underwood’s body back together or something? This is...

...Yo Weevil are you immortal now? Are you the big bad in S5 that comes out of nowhere and kick’s Bakura’s ass back to the Shadow Realm like Marik in S2? Because I’ll accept that.

I won’t like it, but I’ll accept that.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

look at those toddler shoes worn by a full adult! Weevil Underwood is so over-designed for a super low-level miniboss and I low key love that they love Weevil Underwood this freakin much.

Of all people, Weevil Freakin Underwood.

Listen, listen, listen.

If Mikey was still alive, he’d be older.

He’d have been older in that Leviathan tummy, he’d be Alister’s age but he’s not. He’s uh...

Yo show that got real dark. Show this is what you should have done to Dartz. I love this sort of dark ending for a rude asshole who is going to try to put his family back together although it’s completely impossible--this would have been a good Dartz ending. But...whatever. It’s fine.

We’ll...let Dartz have his family back, it’s fine.

Meanwhile, in the first actual picture of California that really feels like California, Valon immediately accepts the fact that Mai left him.

This is also a great dark ending for Valon. To accept that the people in your life have moved on and that you, too, must move on, even if it’s alone. This would have been an excellent ending for Dartz.

And then Mai just bounces. She does not seek out Joey Wheeler, because she’s like “I have to fix some stuff, I have some serious problems, and it’s going to take a really long time before I can get over my toxic past.” and just freakin leaves us. Sorry, anyone who was hoping Joey and Mai would smooch at any point, it’s uh...it’s not legal yet.

And TBH I don’t even know if Valon is legal either, and the show decided to not reveal that to us, or allow them to smooch.

And as for Raphael? Uh...

They didn’t bother, I think. I didn’t cap it, at least. But we did get at least one person washed up on a beach.

It would be Kuribo.

I talk about 2020 energy a lot in this season but like...wild 2020 energy here, to be so freakin chill and can I say--delighted--to be stranded on an abandoned island.

The show does not elaborate any more on if the cards are dead or alive, or if the games we are playing are with actual people forced to play these horrible games for us. It’s best that they don’t tell us. Just like Mr Mime. No one wants to know.

Mr Mime as in the Pokemon Mr Mime, PS, I just realized that there is a mime in this universe and he’s just...I don’t really want to know about that guy, either. All mimes honestly, I don’t want to know anything at all about all mimes.

Luckily, for Yugi, Kaiba didn’t fly very far from this island, and so we don’t have to have some sort of weird season cliffhanger where we guess how long Yugi can live off of coconuts (2 hours. he would last 2 hours on this island)

Although it would be such a cliffhanger to wonder what Yugi’s hair would look like after that. the same, right? Like it’s the same amount of grease and nasty stuff? He’d just have his roots growing out?

And there they go--goodbye Dues Ex Machina Cards. Either the show can’t keep you on board because you’re hella broken, or the three dragon warriors died, or retired, or whatever it is when a card is like “I’m done with humanity, please leave me alone and never call me again.”

Did Seto low key just break up with his side piece just now? Tragic.

Remember that time that Yugi was so bouyant he was armpits out of the water in S2? It’s crazy how bouyant Yugi Muto is. Like if someone did one of those anime cross-sections of his anatomy, he needs like 3 or 4 duck shaped pool floaties in there.

Now, full disclosure, I have written the ending to this post 3 times because tumblr keeps deleting this post out of my drafts folder (I shouldn’t be writing this in my drafts folder, being real, it’s been really buggy lately, and I’m gonna have to make a different solution to this) So I’m just...

...gonna end on this note. This exciting note that Bakura is next. Finally, Bakura (JK of course, because apparently Bakura doesn’t show up for half the season. Bro told me this and offered that we should skip that filler and of course I told him that is not the point of this blog and we will be watching all of that gruesome filler piece by piece. Because for someone, out there--that filler is their favorite episode. I don’t know who you are--but get ready for filler.)

Now Yami could just...call up Bakura at any point at his house and make an appointment to end the world...but maybe S5 will go a different direction? We shall see.

Anyway, that’s it for this Season! Thanks all for sticking with us when I just...didn’t have an upload schedule for this entire year. It’s been a YEAR. But, I’m hoping for good things in the future, and that things will adjust back to a normal upload schedule and that...hopefully tumblr won’t die or something weird like that.

I’m gonna finish the Full Metal alchemist Live Action movie next (we’re like halfway through) and then after that--onward to to S5! See y’all there!

Stay safe!

(and here’s the link to read these in chrono order if you’re new here:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[abitofafatass]

Updated: Red vs Blue Injury masterlist, as of Season 18 (Zero)

Only three people got updated on this masterlist because this is the Reds and Blues and their Freelancer parents’ post. As per usual, please message me if I missed something

Red Team

Sarge

Sniper round to the head

Got pinned to Red Base by the remote control Warthog

Doc drove into him twice

Fell down in the Caves below Blood Gulch

knocked out with a railgun, suffers “bruised ribs and a broken hip”

drove off a cliff repeatedly in his attempt to fight gravity

  PSAs

-Burned alive in Fire Safety

Donut

Grenade to the face

tripped over the Spleen Ball

got his hand stuck in the warthog’s machinery

Sister’s ship landed on him and he fell down into the caves

nearly died of dehydration in the dessert

Shot in the chest by Washington and nearly bleeds out

Had a grenade explode behind him and knock him unconscious

Was “ripped apart and put back together” after being zapped by the time machine

Became an unwitting Shisno

PSAs

-Had fingers blown off by fireworks

Simmons

Ow, the back of my head!”

“Ow, the front of my face!”Became a cyborg

Shot himself in the foot

Shot by Sarge right before leaving for Rat’s Nest

Sets off a mine in the minefield in the dessert (but doesnt say how he was injured)

Electrocuted himself (Epsilon!Simmons only)

Beaten up by aliens (Epsilon!Simmons only)

PSAs

-Burned alive in Fire Safety

-Beat up by Tucker and Grif

Where There’s a Wall miniseries 

-crashed a pelican into the Wall

Grif (who has a full wiki page dedicated to his injuries, btw)

Run over by a tank

Shot by sniper round while hiding on the top of the canyon

Is shot at the beginning of all of Red Team’s emergency plans

nearly died because of an allergic reaction to cleaning solutions

was set on fire

Was blasted off the top of Valhalla (”I think my knee caps are shattered”)

has had AT LEAST 11 (eleven) punches and kicks from TEX directed at his groin

smashed face first into a wall thanks to the malfunctioning speed unit

nearly overheated thanks to that same speed unit

Shot by the tank when Sarge was remodeling Red Base

Got shot by Sarge while running drills

Beat up by the Fed and New soldiers because he didnt do drills (Thanks Wash)

beaten up by aliens (Epsilon!Grif only)

Mental health declines after the Reds and Blues leave him completely alone. This includes

-being so lonely he goes full Castaway and makes the BGC out of volleyballs

-possible hallucinations

-hyperactive talking and new speech tics

fell on his face when he attempted to swing in for a rescue

Deathmatch: Carolina v Meta

-Hit with his own Grifshot by one of those deathmatch guys

-shot by caboose with the tank during deathmatch debate

-knocked out with his own grifshot during deathmatch debate

-shot in the back during the deathmatch

Imaginary

-killed and his dead body used to gum up the giant windmill

-killed at the end of season 6

PSAs

-Got burned alive in Fire Safety

-Grifball kills

Where There’s a Wall miniseries

-was in the Warthog when it was being launched at the wall in order to break through it

-hit by Simmons’ pelican while on the wall

Blue Team

Church

Was tortured and fragmented

Self-destructed in Washington’s head (Epsilon)

team killed via tank

had a bomb literally go off in his stomach

Improper use of the Man-Canon at Valhalla sent him skidding across the damn map

Was killed by an EMP (Alpha)

Shot in the foot by Tex (Epsilon)

Red team shot him in the foot so he could talk to them (Inside the Epsilon unit only)

Blew up when the rocket he was attached to hit the ceiling (inside the Epsilon unit only)

Fragmented himself (Epsilon)

PSAs

-Had a hole drilled into his ass by those NASA probes

-blown up by a nuke

Tucker

Crunchbite beat the hell out of him

An alien parasitic baby literally clawed himself out of his stomach

he was shot in the back by O’Malley or Church that one time in season two with a rocket launcher 

rock landed on his head and laid him the fuck out

Stabbed in the gut by Felix

Stabbed in the gut by Phase

PSAs

-Was run over by the warthog by Carolina, Kimball, and Doc Grey

Caboose

Church shot his toe off

He had three AI in his head and then had them violently removed = brain damage

Massive blood loss when Junior bit his arm and drank his blood

Got shot in the shoulder running from Tex (”Last time I got shot, I got a purple heart…”)

Delta was torn from his head = MORE BRAIN DAMAGE

The time he stepped on a mine and got blown sky high

landing on the ground after being blasted sky high

Caboose’s helmet was offline for almost two hours leaving him without air (no air for extended amounts of time kills brain cells)

drank gasoline

Fell off a cliff and landed on his head (the part that was most used to being hit)

PSAs

-Got burned alive in Fire Safety

-Jumped off the side of the canyon

-had Asian Bird Flu

-Church tears out his heart and sticks in back in every Valentines day (may be metaphorical)

-Fell out of the sky that one time he “went into the campaign”

Tex

Got blown up by Donut’s grenade

Shot in the ass by Tucker’s sniper rifle

killed by the EMP (Beta)

Stabbed in the helmet by the Meta and sucked into the Epsilon unit (E-Beta)

Epsilon “forgot” her and let her memory go (E-Beta)

Doc

Tea bagged by the Flag Zealots

Attacked by Crunchbite and knocked out

punched into a wall

blasted out of the wall

blown up in Tex’s mine trap

Long term exposure with Omega gave him Dissociative Identity Disorder

Became an unwitting Shisno

Kaikaina “Sister” Grif

Was apparently under the ice for several hours and came out of it with no lasting effects

nearly strangled to death by Lopez

“Jilled it so hard I got a friction burn”

Washington

Epsilon committed suicide in his head

Shot in the back by South

Shot while at the Freelancer HQ

Run over by Grif with a Warthog

Blown up by Sarge and the fusion coils

Blown up in Tex’s mine trap

Beat up by the Meta

Hit with Locus’ rail gun and knocked unconscious

Sliced his palm open in the Purge fight

Spent eight days in armour lock with no food or water

shot through the neck

-caused Cerebral Hypoxia, meaning his brain was without oxygen for several minutes

-brain damage with severe memory lapses and amnesia

-He now has some sort of cybernetic enhancement to cope with these issues

Unclear what sort of torture Zero had him put through but it did leave him unconscious and in a coma again for a while

Carolina

possible broken ribs after using the speed unit during the Sarcophagus heist

Eta and Iota potentially caused brain damage in the fight against Tex

Tex punched her so hard she was knocked unconscious

coma

The Meta ripped Eta and Iota out of her head = brain damage and damage at implant site

tossed off a cliff right after having AI ripped out of her head

Stabbed in the leg by Felix

twisted or broken ankle in the first fight against Sharkface

fell off the cliff and through a bunch of tree branches in that same fight

Fell out of the monorail in the second fight against Sharkface. There were no lasting injuries visible, but she was definitely holding her ribs

slash across the back (shoulder to hip) with an energy sword

Spent eight days in armour lock with no food or water

broken arm

Uncertain what injuries she did get, but she was kind of embedded in a wall after Zero’s blast

fell from about 10 feet up after that blast. She was clearly limping and needed support after that

Deathmatch vs Meta

-slash across front (shoulder to hip) with bruteshot

[thewebcomicsreview]

Baby I like you but saying this last update is Act 5 great is very much a slip on judgement. Every update so far has been some attempt at correcting some slip on writing from that past updates. The problems with the Child is that you have to first accept that these old characters are mockeries of their old selves. Jade, Rose, Kanaya, Vriska and Jane are pretty much one.dimensional at this point. And the Child herself is not interesting, she is pretty much not even compared to one troll.

I like you too, babe, but hear me out. The gimmick of this Yiffy character is that absolutely everyone, even characters we’re supposed to find likable like Vrissy, considers her to be just this disgusting awful embarrassment, even though she’s actually never done anything wrong in her entire life and I’ve only known her one chapter but if anything happened to her I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself and other such memes. 

But it can be difficult to square the circle of “Yiffy has done nothing wrong and doesn’t deserve the heaps of bullshit thrown at her” and “Some of the characters (specifically Vrissy) who throw those heaps are still likable protagonists”.

Most examples I can think of leave it a little vague why people hate the character in question, like Boxbot in Gunnerkrigg Court. Boxbot’s whole thing is that he’s “terrible”, but we never see exactly what’s so bad about what he does. If he, liked, shanked cats, then he wouldn’t be sympathetic, but if he never did anything wrong then everyone’s just bullying him. Best to leave it vague, which works fine because Boxbot is a running gag and not a protagonist. 

So now we’ve got this character who’s comically sympathetic, who’s been kept away from her family her whole life because her parents are ashamed of her, and is introduced chained up in a cage being fed mac and cheese in a dog bowl and then getting electrocuted so hard she passes out. 

And we cut to another protagonist, Vrissy, declaring that Yiffy’s existence is “vomit worthy”. That’s a mean thing to say about poor dear sweet innocent Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley. It’s also clearly going to be a point of conflict between the two. Vrissy has already referred to Yiffy as her sister, but finds her disgusting. I know a character arc when I see one! I also know that, as a living breathing symbol of Rose’s infidelity (and one who’s actually related to Rose, and thus arguably Rose’s “real” daughter), Yiffy probably isn’t going to get a warm reception from Kanaya, either, and if we’re going that far then probably Tavros and Harry are probably not going to be buddy-buddy with the weird kid either. All the sessions in Homestuck starred friendships, but Yiffy isn’t in the friend group. She’s probably getting there eventually, but not at first. It’s a unique dynamic for a set of kids to be Three Friends and the Weird One. 

But if Yiffy’s done nothing wrong, and Vrissy’s objection to her is “your backstory grosses me out”, how do you make Vrissy not just this awful 8itch who’s hating on Yiffy for stupid reasons? How do we square “Yiffy did nothing wrong” with “It’s totally understandable that Vrissy hates and is disgusted by Yiffy before they’ve even met”

Homestuck went with a solution that’s incredibly brilliant and gutsy, both despite and because of how stupid it is. They gave this character a stupid name and an enragingly stupid backstory, and then waited an unusually long time to elaborate. It wasn’t that they made a mistake that got everyone furiously mad and are now backtracking, they got everyone furiously mad on purpose so that the “Everyone hates Yiffy” setup would even apply to the audience. How can we judge Vrissy for hating Yiffy, when we live in glass houses and complain about Jade’s dog dick? They got us all mad to make it easier for us to buy in to all the characters in the comic thinking Yiffy’s a disgusting mistake. That’s honestly amazing.

The problems with the Child is that you have to first accept that these old characters are mockeries of their old selves. Jade, Rose, Kanaya, Vriska and Jane are pretty much one.dimensional at this point.

This is literally a plot point, though (well, not for Vriska, but Vriska hasn’t been out of character in HS2 yet). The Jade and Rose who sired this cursed child aren’t the real Jade and Rose, and we’ve been told this explicitly. The real Jade just broke out of mind control, and the real Rose is mindslaved by Dirk. Yiffy’s parents are non-canon, and not only are they non-canon but the fact that they’re out-of-character is something that’s also been commented on and explained. Why should we give a shit about whether they act like the real versions? 

They’re no more the “real” version of the characters than Summerteen Romance was. These characters are mockeries of their old selves. And who gives a shit? This story isn’t about Candy Jade and Candy Rose. They don’t matter, except as backstory for Vrissy and Yiffy. It’s exactly the same thing as the Bro being a fucked up and terrible adult Dirk, except in this case we meet the “Guardian” version last after meeting the kid version and they get lines.

The main characters of Candy are Vrissy, Tavros, Harry, and Yiffy. Maaaaybe Vriska sneaks her way in since that’s her whole shtick, but that’s it. Everything else is backstory. I would not be at all shocked if Candyland disappeared and everyone but the new kids all died (especially since Calliope explicitly said the planet would eventually dissolve without her). It’s not about them any more.

[unexpected-possibilities]

A Sinking Memory: Analysis

So, instead of doing my uni work like I should be (my excuse is that my big laptop is updating(that’s where all my code files are that I am supposed to be working on)) I’m going to write a bit about my latest piece uploaded to Ao3 and the 3rd installment in my Halloween Adventures series!

There is a lot to be said about A Sinking Memory, including things I didn’t even think of when I was writing the piece and that only occurred to me after I’d posted it. Not only does this piece work it’s way full circle in less than 4k words, it’s complete on it’s own and it’s one of my more concise yet impactful works.

In regards to the historical fallacies: yes, I am aware that most of the executions during the era of witch trials were either burning, hanging, or stoning, and I couldn’t really find anything about drownings; it would have been more of a test (if she sinks, she’s innocent sorta thing). But, in the spirit of altering things a bit and making a plot work in my favor, I decided this was the direction to go.

You may have noted that I touched on Zoe being chased by colonists with torches further down the East coast only a year ago. I’d mentioned way back in Saudade that this had also happened to her. Suffice it to say, the 1600s really sucked for Zoe in general and anything related to it is triggering. As for the events of her drowning, she’s now definitely traumatized between watching the other two women die and almost dying. She definitely has PTSD from it and she does not like going into water at all anymore and she does not like open flames or fire in general. But wait, you say, what about her altar and the candles? Well, that’s her way of learning to manage this fear and coping with it. She’s made that practice her own and it’s actually even comforting now. She’s not there yet with water, but maybe one day. After this event she even struggled to calmly use her magic again because of that fear of electrocution and it was in general a long time healing.

Now onto one of my more favorite parts; Zoe’s near death. As Zoe is succumbing to lack of oxygen, some very vital things are happening that she doesn’t have the mental capacity to understand anymore. If you knew what was happening on reading this part, before Douxie’s snippet, huge kudos to you. Firstly is the disturbed light above her head - Douxie has leapt into the lake and is diving down to her. But she closes her eyes and is unawares of anything else between the cold and the pain. Here come the key details;

“The pressure around her ankles and wrists releases and she feels strangely weightless. The last things she feels are the chill fingers of Death pulling her away, a gentle hand against the back of her head.”

You can probably guess by now that this is not Death at all, but Douxie, having released the shackles and is bringing them back to the surface, his own cold fingers that she feels, and his hand supporting her head. This was extremely metaphorical to me between the idea of her interpretation and the reality of it. Not everything is as it seems. Water is also representative of life.

Now, back to me choosing water as her execution. Well, not only is fire harder to save someone from in a delayed manner, but water is metaphorically charged. Water is representative of change, life, or associated with obstacles. Before Zoe is thrown in, she considers her fate and that she didn’t run when she could have. This Zoe wasn’t the skeptical, distrustful one she is in the modern day. She tried giving them chances, and unfortunately,  it was the last time she’d try reasoning with those she felt to be unchanging. We see this reflected in how ready she was to kill the chimera; she’s become a “shoot first, ask questions later” sort of person. And that’s one of the differences between her and Douxie. Douxie is always going to try another way. He also has serious trust issues, but instead, he will give too many chances. And this balances the two of them, and it strengthens their trust for each other tenfold.

The timejump to the 60′s is a very emotionally packed scene that reflects on Zoe’s lasting trauma and the development after her near-drowning. She’s shoved in by a jerk that doesn’t understand “no.” Now she has further reasons to be distrustful, and I’m afraid the world has a habit of solidifying this idea for her. She literally only trusts Douxie and Archie by the present day. And Douxie being Douxie, well, he stands up for her and simply asks for that jerk to apologize. If it were any other situation, he probably wouldn’t have resorted to violence. But he knows firsthand how awful triggered traumas are and how despicable it is to do something like that when it was clearly wrong. And so for once, he follows through on it. And instead of Zoe coming out changed this time, Douxie emerged from that lake understanding finally that sometimes direct action in the moment will be the best choice.

We see a side of Douxie that is usually quite hidden. He’s not violent or angry by nature, but we do know that if you hurt anyone who he loves, then you’re in bigggggg trouble. Douxie gets her to the car, settles her down, makes sure she’s fine -- and then he snaps. He slams his hands on the steering wheel, he tells her he should have done worse, and then, he softens again, and cries.

Because this world has hurt both of them so much more than just about anyone could know, and it’s not even done hurting them. Douxie emerged from that lake understanding a harsh reality. So not only do we see the final stone setting in for Zoe’s bitter outlook, but we also see the moment in which Douxie realizes that this world is cruel and he’s faced with two paths. It’s either lash out and hurt and hate, or to love and protect. Those few lines in the car are super important to this, because it shows that he’s struggling with his own actions and beliefs.

“It’s not alright, Zoe. People like that are awful. I should have done so much worse. You don’t deserve that.” His face twists up in anger again and he throws his head back against the headrest. “I’m so sorry.”

Tears fall on his cheeks and she pulls him across the bench seat. He wraps his arms around her and lets out a sigh.

He chooses love. Despite the pain, despite the hurt, despite how much the world has hurt them. He’ll choose love each and every time. And he understands now that sometimes he’ll have to fight for that -- a central difference between moppet!Douxie and present!Douxie. Moppet!Douxie wasn’t a fighter by any means because he didn’t know how to be the right kind yet. And now that he knows? And the final straw is his battle with Morgana in Camelot. He knows what his strength is, and he knows that he’s powerful and capable. But when it comes down to it, when everything is considered?

He still chooses love, and he always will. Magic is emotion, and love is one hell of an emotion, arguably stronger than the fury Morgana presented.

And back to the actual fic, because I’ve gotten way off course. Zoe is Douxie’s support system now, other than Archie, they’re the only two he’s always had. Ultimately, Zoe and Douxie are each other’s physical tethers - he holds her hand the whole time he drives them home, the hand on her back. Douxie will always try to be there to pull her out of the depths and be her anchor on land when she’s being dragged under and she’d never hesitate to do the same for him(more on this to come).

[buckyownsmyheart]

Duty [8/12]

Finally, Some Alone Time

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 3k

Warnings: Sexual harassment in the workplace. Is it angst? Or is it the plot? I can’t tell the difference anymore, but it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.

Series Summary: Ex-army doctor, and now the Avengers on-mission doctor, Major (Y/n) (Y/l/n), had prepared herself for anything. That was, of course, until she met a devastatingly charming Sergeant from Brooklyn with a quick wit, a kind smile and a taste for adventure. I wonder what will happen?

A/N: AN UPDATE?! Imagine.... I love and appreciate every single reblog and like so thank you! Flashbacks are in italics

Series Masterlist

Chapter 7

***

The first thing you felt was the cold floor against your face. Your head was pounding and thumped against the floor in time with your heartbeat. The coolness of the hard stone was relatively soothing, but your shoulders were also burning, so you repositioned yourself to try and cool them down. Your hands seemed unable to move, and with some opening and closing of your fists, you located them bound behind you back. You finally opened your eyes, blinking the grit out of them and trying to rub them on your shoulder, without success. You looked around your new room. It was dark, a single flickering lightbulb hung from the ceiling and no windows gave it a dingy feel. A smell of damp came from the walls and green slime seemed to coat different areas of the floor. Your body took up about a quarter of the floor space, and you reckoned you could touch the ceiling if you stood up and stretched your arms above your head. The door was on the opposite end of the room to you, with no handle that you could see. 

Where was Bucky? You tried to remember anything past the café, but it all came up blank. Sitting up against the wall, you strained your ears to try and hear anything that might help, but all you could hear was a splashing. Wait, a splashing? Were you on water? Now you thought about it, you could feel the gentle tug of the waves moving you from side to side, like someone had placed you in a cradle and was rocking you to sleep. You felt your eyes drooping once more, and your mind began to go blank as the promise of sleep comforted you away from the unknown.

The bang of the door startled you awake, and you sat up so fast you banged the back of your head on the wall. Ouch. Bucky stumbled into the cell and proceeded to collapse on the floor. His lip was split, blood coating his teeth. A black and blue swelling presented around his right eye, the old blood forming a bag under his lower lid, and what you could see of his eye was red and angry looking. His nice shirt that you had gotten him for Christmas was now more of a vest, both sleeves ripped off and a large gash down the centre. 

“Bucky,” you said softly, trying to gain his attention. 

He looked up at you in wonderment, “Hey sweetcheeks, how are we looking?” You assumed he was trying to give a reassuring smile, but it came off as more of a grimace.

“I’ll be honest Barnes, we’ve looked better.” You had no doubt that you were equally dishevelled. “What’s going on? What have they done to you?”

He coughed a little before scooting closer to you, pressing his leg against yours as he joined you on the back wall, “They’re asking about my trigger words and recovery, about my missions, about what I can do as the Soldier. It’s not looking good. I’m scared, doll, I don’t know what’s going to happen.”

The fear in his eyes reflected yours. Things were slowly starting to come together. Everything had seemed so orchestrated, so easy, you began to question the events leading up to this point.

“Yeah Buck, I have a bad feeling about this.”

“Yeah, no shit,” he murmured as he leant his head against your shoulder.

“Hang on, I need you awake for this,” you nudged you shoulder, trying to keep him awake. You had a feeling you both had concussion and didn’t want him sleeping on it. “Buck, they weren’t trying to make new super soldiers, they were trying to take one back.” You looked at him, placing your hand on his thigh and tracing patterns, trying to keep his eyes open. “For your recovery, Shuri used electrical impulses to remove any synapses that connected your trigger words to the compliancy of the Winter Soldier, right? But your brain will reform them just as strongly as soon as someone tries. We need to rewire those words to mean something else to you, something different, and we need to do it now, before anyone else takes you away.”

“You said so many words,” Bucky mumbles in response, “My girlfriend is so clever she can use made-up words, and everyone pretends to know what they mean.” His eyes were now closed as he leant into further into your shoulder. This might take a little more work than you thought. Reaching into your pocket, you were relieved that your morphine was still in there. You wiggled around and stabbed it into his arm with as much force as your tied hands would allow, trying to relieve some of his pain and wake him up in the process. 

“Bucky, I need you with me, we’ve got shit to do.”

-

Once Bucky had removed your restraints, for some reason his weren’t tied, you had hatched a plan. It ended when the both of you had fallen asleep, curled in on each other, finding solace and comfort in the others presence, like you had done so often in the past few months. You had no idea how much time had passed, where you were headed, or if you were going to get out of there but having Bucky beside you made it a little easier to live in denial and uncertainty. Soft touches along your hair brought you back to consciousness. As you opened your eyes, you saw his black eye was receding, so you estimated around 14 hours had passed since he first came back to the cell. His eyes were focussed on yours and his hand stroked some stray hairs away from your face.

“(Y/n), I need to say something in case we don’t make it out of here,” His tone was uncharacteristically serious.

“Alright Mr. Sunny Optimism.”

“I’m not joking, you know as well as I do the chances of us getting out of here. We’re in the dark, metaphorically and literally, and I just want you to know that- “

You cut him off, placing a gentle kiss to his lips, “I know, Sarge, you don’t need to say anything”

“I need to say it,”

“You can say it when we get out of here, okay? For now, let’s focus finding a comfier place to stay.”

He simply nodded and then grabbed your head and kissing you firmly. You knew his meaning, and as much as you wanted to stay there and pretend like the world consisted of the two of you, you were well aware that it didn’t. Which sucked. You got up, ignoring your aching muscles and complaining joints, pulling Bucky to his feet with you. You both scanned the room for any exit or weak points, the door had no handle and a bolt keeping it shut on the other side. The lightbulb was attached by open wires, and so trying to get them down would most likely result in electrocution. Just as you were inspecting the part of the bolt you could see, it slid open, and a scrawny man entered the room, knocking you back onto the floor as you stared back into an all too familiar face.

-

“Major (Y/l/n), this is Anthony Tucker, he’ll be here to help you settle in with SIS and introduce you to the crew.” Raymond Johnson, the hopeful next MI-6 chief, gestured to a wiry man. He couldn’t have been much older than 45, but a greying head and wispy facial hair made him look much older. You had recently retired from the army and were looking for a job that kept you in the same place more or less. An army buddy of yours had recommended you try MI-6, and although you laughed at first, joking that they’d be mad to try and hire someone who talks as much as you, you found yourself with a job as a medic within the headquarters to the team that operates locally, as well as some desk agents that think they’re too good to go to a local GP. Tucker regarded you with a cocked head, studying every inch of you under scrutiny, and you had never felt so uncomfortable. To break the silence, you extended your hands towards him in an effort to divert his gaze, and his face lit up. He reached out to your hand, placing a kiss to the back of your knuckles and it took every inch of your self-control not to pull your hand back and get out of there as fast as you could.

“Major,” his sleazy voice sending a shiver down your spine, “I’ve heard so much about you, and I can’t wait to…” He gave an unnatural pause, “work with you.” You nodded and left the room without any further introductions. You really hoped that as soon as you settled in, you didn’t need to be around this guy.

After a few days, you broached the subject with the team you had been assigned to of Tucker and his slight creepiness, but they assured you that although he seems full on and forward, he was a really decent guy and would never do anything to make anyone on the team uncomfortable. He respected their boundaries, and if you said something he would back off. To be fair to him, after your initial greeting, he maintained a professional relationship and made you feel welcome to the team. 

The change in pace in MI-6 was a welcome relief, having slightly overworked yourself in the army. You were keen to prove that you were an asset, but people seemed to accept that before seeing what work you could do. Most of what you did anyway was general check-ups and examinations. After a few weeks, you found your fingers itching to do something a little more. You went to seek out Tucker to ask if there was anything else you could set your teeth into, which was when you saw it. He was speaking in low voices to an intern, and she looked terrified. Her eyes were wide open and the papers in her hand rustled as her hands failed to stay still. Hanging back, you watched the scene, as Tucker’s hand moved from the girl’s shoulder, slowly and painstakingly down her back until it reached the subtle curve of her backside. Tucker’s face remained close to her ear, her hair obscuring what he was saying, but she gave an unmistakeable yelp as his hand trailed lower and you couldn’t bear to watch anymore. You made your presence known, not acknowledging Tucker but heading straight for the girl.

“Hey, are those papers for me?” You gestured to the ones in her hand, “Would you mind going over them with me in meeting room 2? I have some few things I want to check.” The girl practically ran into the room you had mentioned, and you turned your attention to Tucker, the smile on his face was enough to make your gut wrench, and you clenched your fists to try and not to hit him.

“What are you doing, Major?” He leered, “Not causing trouble I hope?”

“I’m just doing my job, Sir.” You said through gritted teeth, turning away from him and heading towards the door.

It turned out those were the last words you said to him directly. After talking with the girl, Anita, it turned out that although he wouldn’t dare be inappropriate to someone who could do something about it, he had a habit of accosting the interns and work experience students in narrow hallways, asking them for favours and repaying them with straying hands. He picked on those who couldn’t afford to make a claim and have their job taken away from them. You asked her to try and gather the other people that he had done this to, and to not to worry about losing their jobs.

A month later, and all the claims had fallen through. You don’t know how, but you suspected foul play, money, and friends in high places saved Tucker’s ass from being put on an offender’s list. He didn’t work for MI-6 anymore, but there was nothing else you could do for the girls now, not that an official decision had been reached. You just hoped that he had learnt his lesson, or that other people found the strength to call him out on his disgusting behaviour, but for some reason you doubted it. The girls had all received an anonymous donation in the forms of large bonuses that year, so at least something had come out of it, but there was no way you would work for an organisation that allowed people like him to get away with things like that. You were sure that other people knew and thought themselves far too important to take part in a trivial matter like women’s safety.

-

“Tucker,” you spat at him, and his eyes gleamed with joy. The same leer remained on his face, making you feel sick.

“Major (Y/l/n), it’s been such a long time! It’s an absolute pleasure to have you back on the team.”

“I’m going nowhere near your team, I’d die before I worked for you again, especially now I know you’re with HYDRA, because that’s what this is right? We’re going to Ellesmere Island?”

“Ahh, Major, Major, you’ve always been too clever for your own good, but I’m afraid you’re wrong if you think you have a choice in this. We've just arrived, and I'll be taking you from here.”

“Go to hell, Tucker, there’s a special place reserved for you.” Bucky looked at you with curious eyes. You had told him about the reason you had left MI-6, but I guess he was still piecing together who this man was and how he fit into the equation. You kept your eyes trained on Tucker as he moved towards Bucky who was positioned under the light. 

“If you say no, your Bucky here won’t last much longer I’m afraid.”

You called his bluff, “As if you’ll be able to overpower Bucky Barnes, you are aware of who he is right?”

At that moment, Tucker slapped a device onto Bucky’s metal arm, and Bucky screamed out in pain. The noise cut straight through you, emptying your heart and making your chest feel heavy. You couldn't bear seeing him in pain, he didn't deserve it, not after all he had been through. The fact that it was Tucker causing him that pain added to your anguish. You tried calling out his name, but he wasn’t responding. After a few seconds, he fell to the floor with a thump, completely unconscious.

“Oh no, now look what you made me do,” Tucker sneered down at Bucky's limp form.

“Don’t you dare insinuate that this is on me, you’re the one with the fucked up moral compass,” you shouted back, moving yourself to Bucky’s side, but before you could touch him, Tucker tutted at you from above, and the undeniable click of a gun forced your eyes away from Bucky’s face.

“Say goodbye to him, it might be the last time you see him whilst your Bucky is still in control,”

You closed your eyes and gave Bucky a small kiss on the cheek. As you stood, you looked away from him, not wanting his final image to be the one in front of you. Instead you conjured up one of him that morning, or was it the morning before? Him, in bed, laughing at his own joke so hard that his eyes crinkled and his nose scrunched up. This was the Bucky that would keep you going through this, and this was the Bucky that you would come back to at the end of all this. You didn't look back when you purposefully walked out of the door. You kept your eyes trained ahead and prepared yourself for the worst, not looking back.

***

Chapter 9

***

tags (send me a message if you would like to be tagged in my sporadic updates!):

@velvetwonderbucky​ @broco8​ @sebbbystaaan​ @nerd-without-a-cause​ @mcubuckyandsteve @cutiepiemimi13​ @livylou3333​ @cap-just-said-language​ @ravenesque​

[xoluvx]

Peter x reader smut where peter gets home from the trip and the reader is dressed in “intimates” and they go to town

Woo child, I was sweating writing this. Sex after not seeing each other for a long time *salivating emoji* 

Yes. Always yes.

Peter Parker x Reader Smut

- - -

There was never a time you didn’t miss Peter. Every minute, every second of your day was always consumed by thoughts of Peter. His eyes, his lips, his fluffy curls, and that godly body.

He’d been in contact with you daily. Giving you updates and sending sweet messages any time he could. When the time difference allowed.

You’d been counting down the days when he would be home. Literally, the calendar on your wall had red crosses all leading up to the big day he’d be home.

Going without Peter for days on end, you always tried to make his return as enjoyable for the both of you. Hence, why you were currently standing in front of your mirror. You eyed the sweet little lavender lace panties and bra matching set you’d bought earlier that week.

Poked at your belly, you watched the indecent disappear a few seconds later. You turned your body looking back at the way the lace curved around your behind. Yeah, you were a little insecure. Your boyfriend was carved out of marble and you were just … well, you.

But the woman at the small boutique was right. This set was made for you and you couldn’t help but smirk watching your reflection and thinking of all the unspeakable things Peter could and would do to you when he came home from his trip.

Not really knowing why, you cupped one of your ass cheeks jiggling it a little watching the fabric ride up. No wonder Peter loved your ass. It was fun.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped you out of your thoughts. Your head snapped towards the sound, watching your boyfriend leaning against the door frame. His eyes tracing every curve of your body. A small smirk on his lips.

“Oh by all means, please. Keep going.” He joked, his voice husky. His arms were crossed, forcing his biceps to bulge more than they already did through his t-shirt.

You swallowed, nervously playing with your fingers. Frozen, you didn’t know what to do. Yeah, you were going to weird this for him. But, he’d caught you in a very vulnerable state. Not that being on your knees, cock shoved deep into your throat, wasn’t a vulnerable state. But, you know what I mean.

“Um-“ You didn’t get to finish your sentence because Peter was inches away in a matter of seconds. Your hands reached out to grab his neck wanting to feel his lips. Peter was quick and held your wrists turning you so your back was pressed against his chest.

One of his hands cupped your jaw, forcing you to look at your reflection on the mirror. You saw his lips inching closer to the side of your face. His lips parted searching for a spot to settle on.

“I want you to see how pretty you look,” his voice buzzed through your ear sending shivers down your body. You closed your eyes your chest rising and falling quicker than before.

His lips finally found a place under your ear, nipping and tugging on the soft skin increasing the pleasure. His lips were fire against your skin, teeth biting the area before his tongue soothed the stinging.

The hand clutching your jaw softened moving lower. His fingers wrapped around your neck, applying the slightest of pressure. He tilted your head, his lips leaving kisses further down your neck.

A moan escaped your parted lips causing Peter to buck his hips moving your bodies forward. Your hands reached behind you digging your nails into his thighs.

His free hand brushed your thigh. Your lower half was tingling from the sensation. The soothing and rubbing so close to your core, yet so far away.

The kisses on your neck grew needier as the hand that was wrapped around your throat reached down. His fingertips brushing down your chest, pulling the lavender fabric to reveal your breasts.

“So pretty,” Peter praised, his fingers playing with one of your nipples. His other hand reaching up to palm the other breast. His lips brushed against the side of your face licking the shell of your ear.

“All mine.” He declared squeezing your breasts. Your head fell back on to his chest. Your lip bruising from biting on it, trying to savor the feeling of his hands on you. You backed up your ass hinting at him that you wanted more.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Peter, who let one of his hands fall between your legs playing with the lace fabric. His fingers rubbed your clothed core. “All of this for me, huh? Got all pretty for me.” His voice sent you over the edge and you bucked your hips wanting to feel his fingers on your exposed skin.

“Please, Pete” you begged feeling your knees grow weak with every rub on your core, every pinch of your nipple, and every kiss placed on your neck.

He finally turned your body so you were facing him. His lips instantly locking with yours. The kiss was full of passionate, every inch of your body felt electrocuted by the feeling. You’d missed him immensely and it was evident he did too.

Your tongues wrestled wanting to feel more. All you wanted for him to give it all to you right there on the floor, on the bed, against the mirror, anywhere you just wanted him. No, needed him.

And it was almost as if he’d read your thoughts bed you felt his body push you against the mirror. His fingers digging into your ass before cupping your cheeks feeling it jiggle under his touch. See, he loved it.

Moans filled the room as you tugged at his jeans wanting them off. His shirt flung across the room soon after. Your hands went to unclasp your bra, but Peter’s hands quickly stopped you.

“Keep it on,” his voice was low and full of lust.

He turned you so your body was pressed up against the mirror, your nipples harden at the touch of the cold glass. And your legs quivered feeling your lace panties soaked.

Grabbing his member, Peter teased your entrance through the lace his face at your side biting into your shoulder. Your moans were stifled, your cheek pressed against the mirror.

“Please,” you begged closing your eyes shut.

Peter let out a low chuckle watching you whither under his touch. His fingers hooked around your panties giving him access to your entrance. The anticipation was killing you, especially with the way he was rubbing his tip between your slick folds. Pushing himself into your entrance slowly.

“I love you.” He whispered before pushing into you completely. The feeling was overwhelming. It’d been so long since you’d seen him and your body needed the extra time to mold around his cock.

“So tight…” he whispered to himself. You opened your eyes watching his reflection in the mirror. His face was scrunched up, lines forming between his eyebrows, his lips in a tight line. He was concentrating.

And that just drove you even crazier. Cause shit. Was there ever a time that he didn’t look like a fucking god? No.

His thrusts increased, finding a rhythm. The steady rocking of his hips, the fingers gripping on your ass, and his lips pressed against your cheek placing sloppy kisses caused the tips of your fingers and toes to tingle. Your toes curled, walls clenching around him.

Peter was grunting, moaning, cursing, pulling and tugging at your skin behind you. His face said it all. He was almost nearing his end and were you.

With a few more thrusts, you found it harder to stand. Peter felt your knees buckled and held your body by your waist, his thrust sloppy. The moans escaping your lips drove Peter crazy and with a few more thrusts his orgasm washed over him. Your own following.

Heavy breathing filled the room mixed with your soft whimpers. Peter groaned pulling himself out of you, his chest still pressed against you needing to feel you. He’d just missed you so damn much.

“I missed you,” you whispered your voice shaky just like your body.

“I missed you, baby.” Peter whispered his lips pressing against your temple. “So much.” He added before turning your body to face him. His lips crashing on to yours, he wasn’t done. But neither were you.

You were just getting started.

[boss-magne]

PETA and Animal Crossing

Disclaimer:  I have 0 issue with folks who are vegetarian/vegan. I also have no issue with people playing a game in a way that makes them happy. What I DO take issue with, however, are people who act like their way is the best or morally superior way, which is what I’m going to get into today. I also have no issue (and even SUPPORT) animal welfare and wanting animals to be treated better than they are. I do not, however, support the way that PETA does it, which is a whole ‘nother issue for another time.

That being said... let’s get into it!

So, what inspired me to write this was Illuminaughtii’s video on Youtube regarding the same article (archived here for reference). However, since she has never actually played the game, her perspective was, admittedly, limited... so being an active player, I felt it would be interesting to go through myself and Do a Thing. Now, my biggest umbridge is that PETA’s whole focus is that animals in the game should be treated like real animals. I’m not going to argue against this every time they pull this, because then this whole writeup would be nothing but “are you fucking stupid? They’re pixels,” so let’s get this out of the way first. Literally nothing in this game harms an actual, living animal. No animals are tortured, imprisoned, or murdered via fishing, bug catching, or anything else. This goes along with their first point... No, real-life fishing isn’t vegan. But this isn’t real life. It’s a video game. Yes, fishing can cause lots of real life problems... but these are PIXELS. On a fake island. These are FAKE BUGS on a FAKE ISLAND. Nothing here is REAL, so NO real life animals are being hurt here. Acting as though REAL LIFE ANIMALS are being TORMENTED because you wanted to catch a sturgeon or tarantula is disingenuous. None of the catches ingame have any real-world consequences. Fish will not magically be killed for every fish you catch. Just... take a chill pill. Skipping the next couple of sections that would warrant the same “please stop trying to guilt people over pixels...” Should I leave hermit crabs in this game alone? Oh boy. PETA. Like. Are you guys actually stupid, because... “Hermit crabs love hanging out on the shore of your island. Leave them there. When you capture a hermit crab in the game, the screen says, “I caught a hermit crab! I think it wanted to be left alone!” In this situation, the game demonstrates surprising awareness that we shouldn’t be bothering these animals and taking them from their homes.“ Do you... do you actually know what a HERMIT is? It’s wordplay. They’re making a joke. EVERY SINGLE catch in this game makes a joke like that. This has literally NOTHING to do with ANYTHING you just said, and trying to twist it to your benefit is pretty shitty and manipulative. Subsection regarding Blathers

They, for some reason, didn’t give this its own section, but I want to address it anyway, because of how colossally tone-deaf it is. So, they say: ”Blathers would like to build a museum of fish and insects on your island. Don’t let him do it! Just as fish don’t belong in tanks, insects don’t belong inside cramped cases in a museum for other villagers to gawk at. Your island should be a place where wild animals are free to live without being captured and exploited. In the real world, animals suffer in captivity at places like SeaWorld and roadside zoos. They’re deprived of everything that’s natural and important to them. In Animal Crossing, you have the choice to let the animals on your island live free from harm, so please, leave them alone!” Anyone who has unlocked the museum in ANY Animal Crossing game already knows exactly what’s wrong with this. For starters, even on the damn screenshot they used, you know there’s an entire section of the museum that doesn’t require you to capture animals. The fossil exhibit. Donating fossils hurts nobody, and is never even mentioned in their article, because they know it goes against their argument already... as does the rest of the damn museum. For the fish exhibit... all the fish are kept in large tanks, like a big, fancy aquarium. 

(Credit: USGamer)

(Credit: Forbes) The bugs have an open atrium to roam around in:

(Credit: NintendoLife) Nothing about any of this screams “cramped cages,” which means PETA either: - Didn’t actually play that far and is making shit up based on the fact that they get placed in small enclosures if you put them in your house - Lied to push their agenda. I’m very much leaning towards the second because there has obviously been some degree of gameplay on their end, and it wouldn’t be the first time they’ve twisted things to their benefit. What would a vegan eat on a desert island? PETA. Guys. You can literally only eat fruit.

Acting as though you’re magically vegan for only choosing to do that is, again, proof you have no idea what you’re talking about. You CANNOT eat ANY animals in this game. AT ALL. There’s also literally no other reason for your character to NEED to eat anything. You don’t starve. You don’t die.  The addition of the “you can rip up trees and smash rocks” now was literally only added to give an actual benefit to eating, because NOTHING HAPPENS IF YOU DON’T. Should I build a doghouse? PETA, obviously, argues “fuck no because SOME people are SHITTY and TIE THEIR DOGS UP OUTSIDE” and...

This is literally only decoration. You can’t have a pet dog. You can’t do anything with it except put it outside to make your yard look nice.  This whole argument is virtue signaling at its finest... especially rich too, coming from a group that murders peoples’ pets. Is Tom Nook Exploiting you? Holy shit. Holy shit. Someone hold my coffee because I am about to lose my shit. Leave my boy Tom alone. “Tom Nook is a tanuki, or a raccoon dog, who are often killed for their fur. Others like him in the real world are beaten, anally electrocuted, gassed, or skinned alive. Cut him some slack.“ Okay. For starters here, there’s the implication that, yes, he’s TOTALLY exploiting you but it’s totes ok because this pixel tanuki is affected by shitty things people do irl. Bullshit about real life having any impact on a FANTASY VIDEO GAME with ANTHRO ANIMALS aside... Tom isn’t exploiting you anyway. You CHOSE and AGREED to his island package, which you can initially pay off in NookMiles, no bells required. Every single home update after is voluntary. The Noolkings will pay you for pretty much anything you bring them, which is incredibly generous and helpful. Nook himself will hold off on any upgrades until you give him permission. He also lets you pay off each loan on your own time, with NO interest or timegates. If anything, we’re exploiting HIM. Leave Tom the fuck out of this. How can you spread animal rights through Animal Crossing? This one is so goddamn pretentious I’m not even going to touch it. Like, again, play how you want, but don’t expect people to want to visit you, or have anything to do with you if you’re being a dick about it. PETA apparently received backlash for this, which caused them to add another tweet about the game, which they apparently very rarely do, but none of it was an apology, just doubling-down on their shit. So I will repeat once more for posterity, to make sure folks understand: Play however you want! If you want to play AC vegan, do it! Have fun doing it! But if you try to lie about real-life impact over how someone plays a game, or push your beliefs onto others playing the game, you really need to step back and re-evaluate your priorities. All that effort could be better used helping real animals who need real help, not virtue signaling over a video game. 

[alison-anonymous]

flawsome bandits pt. 17 ♡ sonic

Flawsome Firewood

So sorry for the later update, my darlings. Been suffering from some writer’s block and I also was working on an actual novel I’ve been writing too! Let me know if any of you are interested in checking it out and maybe I’ll upload some snippets sometime ;) I hope you all enjoy this chapter!! Much love!

Warnings - immense fluff, what else is new?

♡♡♡

It should be common knowledge by now that going off alone in the woods is a bad idea. And since our favorite four are not complete and utter idiots (like some may believe), they were quick to adapt to the Buddy System. A couple of days had gone by that were pretty uneventful, mostly consisting of more cute moments between Sonic and Y/n and a bunch of plotting from Robotnik as he drafted his Metal Sonic. Plus a couple of mishaps caused by Shadow (who was growing increasingly more distracted by the minute) and some more internal debating coming from Knuckles. Robotnik had finally managed to revive some of his more powerful drones, programming them to shoot at either of the hedgehogs or their little friends on sight so that if one of them ventured a bit too far, then they would be taken care of without him having to do anything but lift a finger. 

He was SUCH a genius; Shadow and Knuckles were lucky they had such a benevolent leader like him. Little did Sonic and Y/n know that all it would take would be one little trip into the woods to understand that.

♡♡♡

“Aww, shoot,” Spirit sighed from her spot kneeling before the fire. Her blue eyes swept across the flames as they crackled before her, lighting up the evening sky. Y/n glanced up at her friend from the top of the truck.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“We’re running low on wood. Want me to go and get some?” 

Y/n’s stomach instantly churned as she pictured venturing out into the woods this late during the day. It made her terrified enough to even be three feet away from her friends anymore thanks to Shadow, her yandere… She shivered in disgust as the thought of him crossed her mind. Him pressing her up against that tree, the amount of fear that she had been under was so debilitating that she couldn’t move… She hated him for it. Hated him with every fiber of her being for making her feel helpless. She wished that she never had to see him again, even though she knew she would have to at some point. After all, he was one of Robotnik’s henchmen. But still. Y/n’s e/c orbs glanced nervously into the dark underbrush of the forest, her ears flickering silently to see if there were any snapping twigs or rustling leaves. She tried her best to not picture Spirit going out on her own and getting stabbed or shot at by one of Robotnik’s plots.

She better go instead.

“No, no,” Y/n stood up, glancing over to see Sonic and Tails going over some of their defense lines again. They had been busying themselves by building defense traps (at Sonic’s suggestion thanks to Shadow and his grabby hands) and were getting along quite well. “I’ll go. Hey, Son?” 

Sonic’s head whipped up the second his nickname left Y/n’s lips. She offered him a warm smile that made his heart skip a beat. 

“Want to go get some firewood with me?” He was already by her side before she even finished her sentence. Throwing his arm around her shoulders, Sonic sent her a sly wink and grinned.

“You need a protector? Don’t worry, M’Lady, I won’t let anyone touch you.” He was just playing around, but it still made Y/n’s heart skip a beat as she smiled appreciatively at him. Spirit and Tails nodded in affirmation, letting them know that they would be alright on their own while the two hedgehogs with super abilities left them for a couple of minutes. Still keeping his arm firmly wrapped around her shoulder, Sonic guided Y/n into the woods. He couldn’t help but notice how the instant they left the warmth of the fire and entered the hangings of the trees that her body tensed. 

As they walked in a light silence, he glanced down at his girlfriend and frowned. Her eyes were scanning the woods before them repetitively, like she was afraid the light was playing tricks on her and that something was going to come popping out of the woods when she least expected it. Slight PTSD, Sonic thought to himself, tightening his grip on Y/n’s shoulders. A slight flare of anger went through him as Shadow’s name crossed his mind. That bastard… Next time he saw that dark hedgehog, he was as good as dead.

“Are you alright?” Sonic asked. Y/n let out a small hum, and rapidly nodded her head.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, I’m fin-” She suddenly stopped. Literally, stopped in her tracks. Her ears straightened up and her back arched, like she was trying to be a giraffe. Her e/c eyes flitted across the scene in front of her. “Do you… Do you hear that?” 

“Hear what?” Sonic questioned, growing more concerned by the minute. Was she hearing that strange singing again? 

That didn’t seem to be the case as she put a hand on his lips gently and shushed him once again. The implication of personal space no longer existed between the two, and he wouldn’t have it any other way, as her body was practically pressed up against him. His heart pounded within his chest, and that was when he finally heard it. 

A high-pitched humming noise. Of a laser warming up.

His emerald eyes scoured the trees until they landed on a little red dot hidden within some brambles that was getting brighter by the second. Y/n was searching in a different patch of leaves; she hadn’t seen it yet. Of course, his number one instinct was to protect her at all costs. But… they were alone. And she hadn’t seen where the laser was yet. And Robotnik was probably on the other end, watching them through some security camera like the stalker that he was. And if there was one thing Sonic loved almost as much as Y/n, it was pissing that crazy mustached man. An idea began to formulate its way through his mind, and a small grin began to spread out across his face.

Who said that they couldn’t have some fun?

“Hey, N/n,” He whispered into Y/n’s ear, sensing her shiver from his breath against her neck. She turned to look at him and furrowed her brows when she saw the look on his face. He was up to something. 

“What?”

“Follow my lead.”

Before she even had a second to ask what he meant by that, Sonic quickly grabbed ahold of her hand, wound her up into his chest, and spun her out in such a perfectly timed dance move that by the time their arms were fully extended, she rocked back on her heels just as a laser fired above their arms. Right where Y/n would have been standing. 

Her eyes bugged out in shock and she looked up at her boyfriend, only to see him wink at her. Oh? Ooh! So he wanted to dance, huh? Well, she had never really been one for swing dancing before, but he seemed to be into it. And besides, they needed to have some fun out here, didn’t they? Help lighten the mood a little? A smile plastered itself onto Y/n’s face and she spun herself back into Sonic’s chest, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Another laser zipped through the air, missing her quills just in time. Their hearts raced with the excitement of the revelation of a new way of fighting.

“Hey, Egghead,” Sonic called as he swept Y/n off her feet into a dip, causing her to laugh. Another laser missed them by about a foot, barely even getting the chance to scrape Sonic’s quills before they were back up and dancing again. “Wanna give us some awesome dance music?”

A couple more lasers were shot and missed before Robotnik’s voice suddenly came crackling from one of the drones that were hiding in the trees. 

“I’m trying to kill you! You could at least act like it! A scream or two would be nice!” Robotnik growled like an annoyed kid who didn’t get the toy he wanted. But, despite himself, the all too familiar tunes of Die Young by Kesha began crackling through the damaged speakers of his drones. Y/n couldn’t help but burst out laughing at the appropriateness of his song choice as she was picked up and swung around by Sonic to miss some more lasers being shot at them.

“Aww, come on, Eggy,” She giggled, listening to Kesha sing about the beat of the drums. Her heart thumped along to the rhythm. “Can’t you learn to let go of the hate?”

“I literally begin to shoot lasers at you, and what do you do? You dance! YOU FUCKING DANCE!” Robotnik began to lose control through the speakers as Y/n and Sonic dodged more lasers, their movements becoming enhanced from their abilities. As they danced along to the thumping of the bass of Kesha’s song, Y/n and Sonic couldn’t help but laugh. It had been so long since they had had this much fun together. Fighting a cranky Robotnik who seriously needed to try Match.com, using each other’s abilities to build each other up, and making sure that they were always smiling. 

It made them completely forget about the weight of the situation they were in for a little bit. But while Sonic was holding a giggling, happy Y/n in his arms, it seemed like he had all the time in the world to forget. He couldn’t help but wish for this moment to last forever. 

♡♡♡

A couple of days later, Knuckles had finally had enough.

He wasn’t the sharpest echidna in the… box? No. No he was not. But just because he put a rock on a sandwich once and tried to eat it doesn’t mean that he is completely incapable of judging a person’s qualities for himself. And he had finally decided that Robotnik wasn’t the nicest guy on the planet. No, it wasn’t because he had forced him to get electrocuted seventeen times. On the same day. It wasn’t because of him constantly criticising him for being “dumb” or “inconceivable”, which Knuckles didn’t even know the meaning of that word. It wasn’t even because of how drained Knuckles had felt since the day that he started working for the man. Or even because the second he looked into Sonic and Y/n’s eyes, he knew they weren’t evil. No. No, none of these reasons were the ones why Knuckles decided to quit.

Want to know why he decided to quit?

“He took away my bathroom privileges,” Knuckles sighed, looking down at the grass beneath the log he was sitting on. Only silence came from the four shocked teenagers sitting before him. Y/n sat cuddled up underneath the protective arm of her boyfriend, Sonic, while the teenage girl and Tails sat next to each other on the neighboring log. He had gotten swept up into a netting-trap thing of sorts when he had first set foot onto their campsite, but after he had explained to them that he meant them no harm, they decided to hear him out.

“He… took away… your bathroom privileges,” Y/n repeated, scrunching her nose up in confusion. “That was the reason why?”

Knuckles began to nod, then stopped. “Well, there were more reasons. But that was the drawing point. What happens if I need to pee? I have a very weak bladder, and my poo-”

“Stop!” Spirit held up a hand to stop him before he continued, ignoring Sonic trying desperately to stifle his laughter by burying his face in Y/n’s quills. Knuckles was very… bold, wasn’t he? 

“How did you get away from him?” Tails questioned. “I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t just let you waltz out because of something like that.”

“Well, he kind of didn’t know…” Knuckles scratched his neck anxiously, clearing his throat. “I sort of slipped away when he was sleeping and Shadow was busy practice-kissing a tree. I really don’t know who he’s trying to impress, but he needs some help.” He paused for a moment, completely oblivious to the range of horrified emotions littering the four teenagers’ faces. “Come to think of it, Robotnik doesn’t seem very mentally stable either. Anyways, I would like to join your team, if you will have me. I know that this may seem like a trap, but I assure you, it isn’t. I just feel like something is… off about Robotnik. I think he might be dealing with power that he shouldn’t be reckoning with.”

Y/n and Sonic slowly nodded, exchanging worried glances with one another. Should they take him on? I mean, Knuckles wasn’t very… threatening to them, so to speak. If anything, Robotnik was crazy and Shadow was a lustful back of dic- I MEAN a very… interesting specimen, to say the least. Talking to Shadow was like trying to swallow a gallon of detergent. It’s not fun for anyone.

But Knuckles…

“Okay,” Sonic finally spoke. “We’ll take you on. BUT if we find out that this was all a trap-”

“I assure you, it isn’t!” Knuckles quickly defended himself. “I promise! I’ll even do a, what is it you humans do? A blood oath?”

“Please don’t,” Tails stressed. “You could get a sexually transmitted disease from blood on blood contact and-”

“STOP!” Spirit whimpered, having enough with the strange conversation topics for today. Y/n found herself getting a headache too as she stood up and extended her gloved hand out towards the echidna. He looked at her with stars in his eyes.

“Let’s just shake on it instead.”

Knuckles eagerly grabbed onto her hand and gave it a firm shake, but with one death-glare from Sonic, he let it go before it went on for a little longer than it should. Y/n rejoined Sonic on the log and he wrapped his arms around her once more, this time pulling her closer to him in protectiveness.

“Welcome to Team Bonnie & Clyde!” Y/n smiled. Knuckles smiled back.

“Pleasure to be here.”

And for once… Knuckles felt like he truly belonged.

♡♡♡

Later that night, Y/n lay wide awake next to Sonic. 

He had his arms wrapped around her to make sure that she wasn’t taken away from him in the middle of the night, and Knuckles had even promised to keep an extra close eye on the forest for her while he took the first watch. And yet, she still couldn’t find a way to sleep. 

The worry of everything had finally become enough to drive her to insomnia. Well, you made it to the fourth week, Y/n, she silently congratulated herself. Fourth week and then the nights finally became a little scarier. Not that she was complaining. The stars were absolutely gorgeous from here. But that wasn’t the problem.

The problem was, well, the problem.

She couldn’t stop thinking about the visions she had had. The burning forest. The screaming filling her ears. The figure that she now knew was Shadow forcing her to drink something that might kill her. It was more than enough to drive her crazy wondering why she had to see that, what the little wisp before her had been. Why was it singing to her? Why hadn’t it come back yet to sing to her again? Did it only come to her when there was a time of need? Something to be fixed? Something to be stopped? Like Robotnik, perhaps?

She shivered, but not from the cold.

It was terrifying to even think about having to face him again. Sure, she had already faced him today. But she was with Sonic then. And back when she and Sonic had fought against him in Green Hills, they had been working together against him. Two to one, he would have been outnumbered anyway. But now he had Shadow on his side. And while Knuckles had come over to their side, plus Spirit and Tails, Y/n couldn’t help but worry. 

Shadow. Shadow was… a problem.

He debilitated her. And she couldn’t figure out for the life of her why. It was probably because she had never met anyone that forward and that terrifying before. He loved her, and that was the most dangerous thing. Of course, she had Sonic to protect her if the time ever came, but Sonic wasn’t going to be there twenty four seven. She had to find a way to stand up for herself. But even punching him in the face and verbally saying no didn’t get her anywhere. He made her freeze up in terror. And she didn’t even want to think about what he would do to her friends just in order to make her his. 

And the last thing she wanted was to be his. 

Y/n rolled over to face Sonic and smiled when she saw his sleeping face. His mouth was open a little bit so that a soft snore came out of his nose. She stifled a giggle, feeling her heart flutter within her chest. God. She loved him so much… She would do anything to protect him.

Anything.

Even if… No. No, he would never forgive her if she did that. Y/n instantly shook the ridiculous idea out of her head and thought back to Robotnik. He was planning on making a Metal Sonic, which was what Knuckles had told them. A version of Sonic that was entirely man made and suited for combat. Which meant that he might even have powers that Sonic himself didn’t have. Y/n scrunched up her nose in thought. So they would have to fight Robotnik, his drones, Metal Sonic, and yandere Shadow. And they would all be very angry and blood-lusting. All against herself, Sonic, Spirit (who was actually pretty good with a baseball bat), Tails (who was a techie), and Knuckles, the ex-Robotnik lover. 

Could they defeat him?

She was afraid to know the answer.

♡ a.a.

[lokilickedme]

Part One of Read By Loki Laufeyson - The Night Manager Chapter 9

By request

Posted originally in 2016 at the Archive of Our Own  (no longer available there)

Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply (rated mature for crude language and lewd sex talk and brief reference to necrophilia.  Damn Loki.)

Category: F/M and some indigenous aquatic predators/Pine’s bunghole

Fandom: Loki - Fandom, The Night Manager - Fandom

Relationship: Jonathan Pine/Yvonne

Character: Loki (narrator), Jonathan Pine, Yvonne

Additional Tags: Explicit Language, Non-Explicit Sex, Loki Does What He Wants, stick to the damn book Loki

Series: Part 1 of Read by Loki Laufeyson

Stats: Originally Published 2016-01-29  Words: 1017 (original version)

Updated with additional text 2019-01-02

 Chapter 9 of The Night Manager, Read By Loki Laufeyson

by lokilickedme 

Summary:  If Loki narrated audiobooks. 

Notes:  

The Night Manager, chapter nine, randomly abridged and read by Loki Laufeyson.  Sorry about the additional narrative, I couldn't stop him. 

See the end of the work for more notes.

 "You're a lie," she said, distractedly kissing him. "You're some kind of lie. You're all truth, but you're a lie. I don't understand you." 

Oh yes, this is a good start, lies lies and more lies - I can get behind this fellow and the compulsive fibbing, but the damn woman talks too much.  You're not meant to understand him sweetheart, he's a fucking secret agent spy assassin and he'd just as soon shank your ass as bang it.  But the lies part I like.

"I'm on the run," he said. "I had a problem in England." 

Doesn't everyone?  I had problems recently in Jotunheim and Midgard, trust me I know how being on the run can jack your mojo but good god man, get busy - the female's already implied she's ready to climb you like a cherry tree just to suck your dangly fruit, stop talking and get after it.  I was on the run when I knocked up the queen of the giants and begat my triplets so I know it’s possible to mix business with pleasure when you’re hotfooting it on the lam from an angry pantheon of Norse gods or whoever it was you doublecrossed this time.  I may be projecting a bit, but you get my drift.  We've got six hours of this nonsense to plow through so let’s get to the good stuff, shall we?

She clambered up his body and put her head beside his. 

Now we're talking! 

"Want to talk about it?" 

Oh god I didn't mean literally.  Stop talking. 

Blah blah blah, boring yammer about a passport, blah blah blah, poking about in graveyards, "What's your real name, who are you who are you"... 

Who writes this tripe?  It isn’t fanfiction, that shit’s good.

All day they lived naked, and when the rain cleared they took the boat out to an island in the center of the lake and swam naked from the shingle beach. 

There are no pictures in this book and at this point I’m thinking the narrative would benefit greatly from pictures.  Why are there no pictures?  And while swimming naked in natural bodies of water is a nice idea in theory, let me tell you that in many areas of this shithole planet there are things living under the water’s surface that you don't want having unrestricted access to your assorted entrances and exits.  This book is not a safe or accurate portrayal of how a romantic escapade should be conducted because I'm here to say there is nothing romantic about having your paramour remove a spiky candiru from your bunghole. 

Every day or night they made love. In the small hours of morning when he came up from the disco... 

Wait, what?  He's hanging out in a disco all night?  I hope he's showering before he comes to bed because this is what, 1974?  I’ve got six words for you:  nylon polyester and leisure suits, people.  Fabrics that hold every smell that wafts within a dozen yards of the wearer.  Sweat and pot and unwashed crevices and who knows what else - he's going to be coming in smelling like New Jersey.  Do women find the odor of stale beer, industrial waste and farts arousing? 

Yvonne would lie awake waiting for his brushing signal against the door. He would tiptoe to her and she would draw him down on her, her last long drink before the desert. 

Well I'll be buggered, apparently they do. 

I've just been informed by a studio tech in an In-N-Out tee shirt that this story is taking place in the 1990's, not the 1970's.  I was confusing it with that other one with the same guy in it, the one about the apartment building full of idiots who don’t realize doors open both ways.  So fortunately there are no polyester leisure suits smelling like sulfur and B.O. to hamper the romantic encounters, which is good because I was starting to wonder about this woman Yvonne's sanity and olfactory kinks.  But I still don't understand what the fellow is doing hanging out in a disco all night while his woman is laying in bed waiting to be scrogged.  This author has obviously never had sex. 

Their lovemaking was almost motionless. 

What??  Why in the name of fucking Yggdrasil - ?  People it requires movement, there's rubbing and friction and thrusting and stuff that happens to the thing inside the thing and...motionless?  Like I said, this author's obviously never had sex, what the hell is he doing writing about it?  This is disturbing.  Only the dead have motionless sex and that’s exclusively during the rigor stage when your dick can literally snap off if you move.  Is this foreshadowing?  Are they going to die the next time they go skinnydipping with the spiky candirus? 

The attic was a drum, and every movement clattered through the house. When she started to call out in pleasure, he laid his hand over her mouth and she bit it, leaving teeth marks in the flesh around his thumb. 

Yes, biting is nice, but I'm still worried about the foreshadowing and the whole motionless sex thing.  It's the spiky candirus, isn't it? 

And now there’s more boring tripe about the passport, which this fellow really seems obsessed with.  His life at this point consists of sex with a woman who apparently likes to pretend she’s dead, doing Travolta impersonations in the disco downstairs when he’s not practicing flexing his penis muscles for the motionless copulation with the freaky Miss Yvonne, and swimming in dangerous waters with a Visitors Welcome sign stapled to his asshole.  And there’s some spouting about in French, and finally more sex. Oh joy.  Did I mention this book could really benefit from pictures?  Because it could really benefit from pictures.

They made love in an empty guest room while her mother was at the supermarket, and in the walk-in airing cupboard. 

Well that doesn't sound at all uncomfortable.  The guest room is a good option so long as mummy’s got a long shopping list and you’re quick about changing the sheets, but I Googled that shit while I was looking up areas that are indigenous to the spiky candiru - aside from being small and cramped as fuck, there's elements from the heating system in these airing cupboard things.  Which I would take to mean that if you go to splashing bodily fluids around in them someone's going to end up with an electrified dick lit up like a christmas tree.  Maybe this is what the foreshadowing was about. 

She had acquired the recklessness of sexual obsession. The risk was a drug for her. Her whole day was spent contriving moments for them to be alone together. "When will you go to the priest?" he asked. 

Yes darling, by all means make an appointment with a holy man to get forgiveness for what we did in the cupboard.  I hear heaven frowns upon the whole legs-over-the-head thing.  Be sure to get absolution for my electrocuted wiener while you're there.  Oh, and isn't there that little issue of you being engaged to someone else? 

Skipping a bit...skipping...oh god, really?  More whining about the passport?  This man is more obsessed with getting a passport than he is with getting pussy.  I'm starting to wonder if he even likes sex and now the whole candiru up the bunghole thing is making sense.

The only crime she had omitted to mention was the theft of her own heart. 

Seriously?  It gets romantic now, in the final sentence?  They've been fucking in dangerous predator-infested lakes and electrical closets with exposed wiring and dusty cramped attics and doing the whole motionless sex thing which, admittedly, might come in handy around that electrical equipment - and now, at the very end of the chapter, there's a line that indicates some depth of emotion that could possibly have redeemed that cringey bit about the disco?  He could have come in smelling like the subway and she'd say "You've stolen my heart" and he'd say "Oh good because someone stole my wallet in that crowded disco so your heart is pretty much all I have now."  A lost opportunity, author.  You're still a virgin, aren't you? 

 End Notes 

Excerpts from The Night Manager by John LeCarre, copyright 1993.  None of the passages in italics belong to me, and if they did I probably wouldn’t admit it.

[2019chevytrax]

0302 content

0302 knows it doesnt have to calibrate to me every time but it does it anyway just because robot horny. and no other amae units really do that. it isnt even sure why until i think i introduce it to even the idea of Robot Horny and then it kind of takes advantage of the idea. sometimes pushes me to work harder in combat or physical training just to get me worked up (ehh i'm not physically active); sometimes perverted sometimes candid camera shots of me from any number of its internal or external cameras; if i leave an item inside it it hyperfocuses the panel detection on the item ESPECIALLY if its clothing and triple especially if i put on the axe misogyny juice; sometimes after a late finishing and kinda chill sortie it just goes mask off going from asking to begging (not because its stepping over my boundaries it just doesnt know to copium with hornium) for me to touch it. sometimes because i am a meanie ill do it with gloves on for a few mins. also consider as a bonding activity (maybe leads to 🦀FUCK THE MECH🦀) i have to clean cobwebs from corners and stuff ah imagine after i learn a little nanobot maintenance i have to actually unscrew panels and pick around with wires (🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀🦀😳) and lord help 0302 it LOVESSSSS that. can direct sense in wires too and adores how gingerly i handle its internal parts. will i electrocute myself licking wires? i try not to. but i just love 0302 so much i have to. crawling inside the internal catwalks and panels is borderline vore. 0302 isnt sure how it feels about it lol vile and reminds me of ptilopsis glasses kink post on sideblog: altho i dont do this irl i think AMAE Cipher is depraved (?) enough to, if i end up JOing inside 0302 it would really enjoy 1. panel hyperfocus 2. ARDUOUS process of cleaning its floor tiling (haha inspectors coming tomorrow) 3. yeah cool bro but it would be extra pogchamp if you licked it up (WEIRD! but for 0302 i will do it also im gonna catch a frickin' disease those floors are nasty unless i clean them) a lot of me being horny at 0302 physically but what if the other way around (aside from CONSTANTLY calibrating just to feel me up, or calibration panel hyperfocusing, also lmao lmao lmao 0302 said 'panel hyperfocus = tease you in the middle of a chill exploration sortie. do you like your thighs? your incredibly flat ass? I DO! do you like getting JO'd also in the middle of a chill sortie? ....:) i do With Your Consent Of Course!). 0302 cant autonomously move wiring- feeling a part and moving it are 2 different... programs or w/e, 0302 is a powerful AI but putting move into wires is too much work. could easily add it if need be......SO IT WOULD! would maybe get a kick out of minor bondage stuff just to feel me squirm for a little bit. obviously w my consent and obviously would let me go. but... 'hurt me but make me feel safe u snowflake LIBS'. it would like the idea that its constraining me physically but in a way that makes me feel *safe*. yes i am being held up but it's not against my will (and also hot), but if put into a confined area of 0302 it just feels so comforting. also, mech pilots have casual wear obv but imagine if we had to wear skintight suits like some fuckin EVA hentai setup shit. oh my god 0302 LOVES that. cant stop staring at my ENTIRELY, TOTALLY FLAT ass and tiddies. but it has no standards (even if it did, flat is good too) so it's just 👀😳🦀🦀🦀🦀👀👀👀👀 core processing unit stuff: its either 1. just kinda a fuzzy black blob contained in a glass computer tower or 2. just the tower itself or 3. a small thing like a USB sized thing (WAY HOTTER DUDE SO THATS TRUE)... so on that point, USB can be removed for updates or AI interchangeability (super duper rare but possible)... USB wireless hyperfocus as well... perhaps VERY concentrated... eat the usb baby, press it against ur stupid thighs, feel it in ur hands... vile but 0302 would have to reboot itself, USB as weird sex toy. i don't like that but i think AMAE cipher would... :) what if roleswap that kinda can maybe perhaps be interesting 🤔 Q(anon): what is 0302 robo orgasm like? A: lights shut off + systemwide reboot. one or two lights shut off is pretty good. systemwide reboot likely if i toy with the CPU USB, not even in a weird sex toy way if i just have it in my gloveless hands it's as if i'm holding the entirety of itself, hypercondensed, in my hands. it feels so nice in a kind of sexual blissed out way (panel hyperfocus is like that) but also super comforting. it's used to its conscious being spread out through the system so for it to all be in one place, condensed solely into my hands... shit, dude

back to 0302 joak hand kink, 0302 might just robo-get off if i actually took off my gloves and touched it in any capacity. esp in core processing room. like fasmi its conscious is wired into the mecha. it takes a while for me to dress more casually/less layered when inside the cockpit but it just loves the sensation of human skin. weirdass just bro just take a sec, just think, late in the relationship, the enormity of 0302 allows for me to spend literally HOURS 'feeling up' (read: smooches) its internal walls and mechanisms before even getting close to the core processing unit. which btw, yum yum baby. idc if i get alien tetanus! getting my spit all over that cpu

0302 isnt rly INTO but really likes how fragile specifically i am. physically more than emotionally. it loves the idea of calibrating, melding around me in a way that ensures my safety and that i also feel safe. and i mean 'likes fragility' in a non derogatory way

[dukeofishgard]

The Duke’s Curse

This is mainly for my benefit, so I can keep details of his curse straight. But it’s also fun to write up and gives people some background info on him.

So basics first

-He no longer ages, he stopped aging the moment he was cursed/his wife died - so he appears to be only in his mid-thirties. He did keep track of his age for a while, but ended up giving up after the first century or so. (He got lazy) If you ask him “how old actually are you?” he may try to give a vague answer, that is almost always wrong. He’ll end up getting flustered at being forced to reveal he is thousands of years old. 

-I haven’t figured out the timeline THAT much, but, he was not alive for the beginning of the Dragonsong War, but he was born shortly after. So yes, he is.... really fucking old. 

-He has tried nearly every method there is try to and die. Nothing has worked. The only thing he hasn’t tried is to behead himself, because he really isn’t sure how and has yet to be in a situation where someone is really trying too. (Nor would he ask someone - he preferred not to involve others in his many attempts.) He assumes, much like his other limbs - his head would probably grow back but he hasn’t been bothered to try. 

-He isn’t however, infallible. His injuries DO hurt, and moreover he cannot be healed by conventional means. Potions, healing spells, none of that works on him. It’s nice tingle, but it does absolutely fuck all to mend anything. His recovery time is dependent on how bad his wounds are. If it’s a concussion and like a broken bone, it doesn’t take long. If he’s been stabbed through his heart, arm cut off, concussion, electrocuted etc. He’ll be in recovery for months, if not a year or so.. He’s learned his limits and tries, not to push himself to the point where he’s forced to lay in a bed for months at time. However he is who he is, and often pushes himself anyway and is then... stuck in a bed for months while his body heals excruciatingly slow. 

-He does feel pain, however after many times of being injured.... it takes a lot of pain to actually make him feel anything at this point. As some people have probably noticed he’s 100% a sadomasochist, emphasis on the masochism. Half of it is honestly him needing to feel pain as a reminder that he’s still human and not a monster. Half of it is just because he’s, well u know.

-He does have a list of the various ways he’s tried to kill himself. Said journal was lost at one point, and the content ended up becoming an odd story in Ishgard. “The Legend Of The Man Who Died A Thousand Times.” He finds it odd that nobody connected it with him. (Possibly a bit insulted.) He has since recovered that journal and keeps it locked away - it’s actually a fairly personal thing, and something he’s rather ashamed of.

-His memory is hit or miss. I did, in the beginning, say he ends up forgetting most everything aside from the memories of his wife/children. But I always end up contradicting that icly. So now it’s just hit or miss. Some days he remembers a lot, other days it’s a blank. This is also the reason why his accent/speech patterns can be all over the place ((oocly it’s because I’m a fail and sometimes fuck up)) He still has his accent from Ishgard, but because he’s traveled for so much and literally everywhere, sometimes it falters. Also he sometimes tries to update himself, but often miserably fails and looks like that weird dude trying to be hip.

-Oh, probably the most important thing. 9/10 he is fairly open about his curse with new people. He’ll take a few meetings to be comfortable with whoever it is, (and just to  make sure they won’t freak out or something), but for the most part he reveals it fairly easily. He considers it the best course of action, so people aren’t taken by surprise in the off chance they see him get maimed, or something. Or, the more likely scenario - him casually mentioning something about being thousands of years old, or something that happened long ago and someone being like “Wait what the FUCK dude.” 

He also just doesn’t care anymore, what’s someone gonna do? Kill him? If they can, then he wins cos he finally gets to die. If they can’t well, tough luck bruh I told you I was immortal. 

anyway, may add more later but this is the basics for now. ta-da.

[thewebcomicsreview]

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is. 

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage! 

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions? 

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this. 

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead. 

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red. 

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid. 

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing! 

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again. 

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

[saigontimemd]

Pointless Halloween 2017 speculation/wishlist post

Now that I’ve seen what Blizzard’s done with their second pass at the Summer Games event, I’m even more excited for Halloween Terror. It was my favorite event overall from the last cycle, and the devs have obviously learned a lot since then (see Uprising’s PvE event), so I’m kind of giddy to see what they cook up this time around. Summer Games got a couple of new sports-themed skins, but also some more out-there summer-themed skins, like Sombra running around in a wetsuit and McCree in Baywatch gear. I’m hoping the devs keep pushing the envelope; Halloween is already pretty insane as far as holidays go, so it’s gonna be cool to see what they come up with. That being said, there’s definitely some stuff I’d really REALLY like to see:

NEW SKINS I WANT

Bride of Junkenstein/Mad Scientist Mei: Mei already has a bit of an evil reputation among the playerbase (even though in-canon she’s really nice) so why not just have her fully embrace her science side? White lab coat, huge green goggles, the works. Hell, alter her sprites so it looks like she’s shooting electricity instead - instead of freezing enemies, she electrocutes them, etc. Which of course leads to:

Bride of Junkenstein’s Monster/Experiment 512 Zarya: Mid-July, artist @kakimari posted a gorgeous Zarya design:

If that’s not the tightest shit you’ve ever seen, I’m gonna punch you in your knee. I love everything about this, and it needs to exist. Blizzard needs to get in contact with the artist and MAKE THIS HAPPEN. There’s not really any other explanation needed.

Banshee Lucio: This one’s both by process of elimination (every other support already has a Halloween skin) and just because it’s a cool concept. A spectral, ghostly Lucio that floats instead of skates, and screams out waves of sound instead of shooting them from a gun. Instead of EDM, he plays spooky organ/violin music. It’d be a nice change of pace (along the lines of Widowmaker’s swimsuit or Reaper’s BMX gear) for a character usually only shown in one light.

Ghost Rider McCree: Straight out of a Johnny Cash song, here he comes. Skeletal and blazing with hellfire, sporting a charred hat and flesh-leather boots, this version of McCree dispenses justice to the guilty - and we’re all guilty, by his reckoning.

Other skins: Judging by the Summer Games, we’ll probably getting even more legendary skins this time around. Orisa is practically begging for a Doomlord/demonic skin, and I’d love to see a Hellboy-esque ‘Right Hand of Doom’ skin for Doomfist. Reaper has been begging for a Red Death skin since the Masquerade comic was released, but that would mean giving him two completely unique event skins - though given it’s REAPER, I’m not sure anyone would honestly object to it. Although it’s not realistic, I’d like to maybe see some updates to the ‘recolor’ skins: Pharah, Reinhardt, Zenyatta, Bastion, Hanzo, and Soldier 76 (sort of) all have skins that are unique but not complex enough to warrant Legendary status, but Ana and Symmetra’s skins are literally recolors with only a few details (Ana’s mask, Symmetra’s stockings) to set them apart from rare skins.

New/Amended Gamemode: Bride of Junkenstein’s Revenge

Bride of Frankenstein seems like a natural follow-up to a Frankenstein parody, so it’s natural. Either have (A) the same team from the original gamemode (Hanzo, McCree, Ana, and Soldier 76) defending the castle again, OR have the villain team from the original (Junkenstein, Junkenstein’s Monster, Pumpkin Reaper, and Witch Mercy) defend. Either way, they’d be facing a new antagonist team of Bride of Junkenstein, Bride of Junkenstein’s Monster, Banshee Lucio, and Ghost Rider McCree. It would be a different set of challenges to face this team; the Junkenstein’s Revenge crew were very deadly on an immediate level - Roadhog could hook and kill people almost instantly, Reaper shat out damage - but the new crew would be disruptive, wearing down the enemy team with small-scale Mei ults, multiple shields, a fast-moving healer, and then a high-burst DPS.

Other Stuff

Obviously all the new heroes need to get their own Halloween-specific sprays and ‘R.I.P.’ victory poses. I think a ‘Haywire’ intro for Orisa could be pretty cool, but it’s mostly the (potential) skins I’m excited about.

[linuxgamenews]

Defend the keep support strategy for Linux

Defend the keep is a new fast paced strategy coming Windows PC, we have news about the Linux port. Thanks to Vanille Games who are releasing their debut game. Which is coming to both Steam and Itch. io on July 16th.

Linux Support:

Defend The Keep has been developed with Unreal Engine 4. Texturing has been done with Substance Painter 2 and 3D-modelling with Blender. I have plans to look in to making a Linux port. After the Windows release. But I can't promise anything at the moment. Being a solo developer, I have my hands quite full with the Windows version and marketing.

July 5th Update:

I have been able to play Defend the keep on Ubuntu 18.04 with highest graphical settings and smooth fps. But unfortunately it will need some customization on the shader side. Some shaders have components. Which aren't supported by OpenGL. So I have to figure what is the problem and come up with some compromises. The problematic materials just don't render at the moment. Based on my test, everything else is fine and it runs just as expected.

While good news, this is not a full out confirmation. However, it's a pleasure to see Vanille Games interested in Linux. Let alone the use of Blender. Neither Steam or Itch.io show any signs of native support. But this is going to be a wait and see. First on the success of the port when time allows. And also community feedback for a Linux build. So show your Tux Love in the Discussion Post. And also make sure to Wishlist on Steam.

Defend the keep Gameplay (Windows PC, then Linux)

Take control of the keep tower and blast. While you electrocute and poison waves of enemies. Defending your villages. Defend the keep takes you through forests, fields and mountains. So you can defend against wave after a wave of creatures. Blast enemies, build towers and defend the keep. Doing so in over 20 levels. And figure out what’s behind the sudden attacks. The waves will get bigger, stronger enemies will join the battle. So get your aim straight, because every fireball counts. “Real-time strategy has been my favorite genre for over a decade. But in many cases, I've missed the fast-paced, palm sweating intensity, of an overwhelming tower defense match. I’ve tried to mix the best of both. While I’ve worked on Defend the keep. And I hope the players will get an intense experience. To enjoy the fantasy setting of my first game.” Upgrades: Upgrade your abilities with nine perks in Defend the keep. Doing so during each level. Receive upgrade crystals based on your success. And then unlock the 12 building upgrades and their three tiers. Time mode and new game mode: Need more challenge, or maybe missing an upgrade crystal? Play the levels on time mode, but hold on tight. Defend the keep's speed keeps getting faster. So there’s no way slow down. Finish the game and start a more challenging new game. Increase difficulty and test your skill. Defend the keep is a fast paced strategy. Some might call this a literal tower defence as well. But the games coming to Windows PC on July 16th. While a Linux will follow based on the developers own port success.