#i liked a few things about the book but this is definitely one!!

[blackgirlsloveburrow]

NSFW 18+

this is kind of a part two to my joe burrow x uc student!reader fic. you can read it here:

joe and you have been secretly hanging out for a good few months now, and no one has caught on. after that crazy night, you did call him, and he was very adamant about seeing you all of the time.

“joe i can’t come to your house i have homework to do. philosophy is kicking my butt right now,” you sighed.

“baby you can just do it here, i’ll pick you up myself,” he begged.

you laughed. “there’s no way you are bringing that expensive ass car around this run down neighborhood. also you know you’re gonna try to distract me from doing homework the whole time i’m there,” you replied.

“okay you win. but i wanna see you tonight for sure,” he said trying to compromise.

“i was gonna pick up a shift at work later. im trying to save up to buy some new headphones”.

“fuck work. i’ll literally buy you anything you want,” he said aggravated.

“ugh joe you know how i feel about th-“

he cut you off. “i’m picking you up now, and don’t worry i’ll bring one of my more inconspicuous cars. i’ll see you in a bit!”.

he hung up. you flopped in your pillow and groaned. your life has totally changed with him in it. you’re both grateful, but slightly peeved about his generosity towards you. i mean you’re not a person who is used to being spoiled by others. he’s always buying you nice things way out of the price range for a college student.

how do you explain to your friends you have multiple telfar tote bags all of a sudden? lululemon sets? etcetera.

you’re also basically always at his house. his cook makes meals for you, his driver takes you to class, things you would have never imagined for yourself.

let’s not get started on the college life of it all. he doesn’t like you going to frats because he hates all college guys (you can’t say you blame him), every time you mention going to a uc football game he’ll buy you guys box seats to go, and your friends are practically begging you to show your “sneaky link”. it’s very exhausting sometimes.

you definitely are in love with him though.

he’s so sweet and protective of you. he makes sures you’re always eating and not stressing about school. he’s even introduced you to his family and teammates after his games which makes you think maybe you could call him your boyf-

there’s a knock on the door.

you go answer it. it’s joe. all in his 6’4 glory.

“hey,” he smiles. bending down to kiss you.

“hi,” you blush.

“are you ready to go?” he asks.

“yeah let me just pack my book bag and some clothes”.

“you have clothes at the house,” he reminds you.

“oh well i get nervous wearing those. they’re just so nice i don’t want to stand out too much,” you laugh awkwardly.

“well you gotta get used to standing out if you’re with me,” he replied.

“well no one really knows about us,” you say walking to your room. he shuts the front door and follows you.

“well. i want more people to know because…,” he trails off.

“because?” you echo him.

“because i want you to officially be my girlfriend”.

you started at him silently.

“i was going to take you to dinner and properly ask but i couldn’t wait,” he said rubbing the back of his head.

in response you stand on the tips of your toes, wrap you arms around his neck, and pull him into a deep and passionate kiss. he reciprocates it, putting his hands on your sides.

when you guys finished, you responded.

“yes. i’ll be your girlfriend,” you say smiling widely.

he picks you up and spins you around, smiling too.

"alright get your stuff together and change so i can go feed you,” he says.

fast forward a little later in the night, you guys are at a really nice restaurant. you just finished your food and had a couple of drinks, and decided to sit on the same side of the booth as joe. he has his hand on your thigh feeling the material of your dress. you’re kissing his jaw and face.

“let’s go to the car baby,” he says. both amused by your affection and a little hard. he gets the check and leads you to the parking garage.

he pushes you up against his car and starts making out with you. his hands gripping your hips as he rubs his bulge against you.

“you have no idea what you do to me,” he breathes.

before you guys can go any farther he opens the car door for you. you get in and he gets in on his side. he speeds home, breaking a few traffic laws on the way.

you guys make it to the bedroom. he takes off your dress and undergarments. you take off his dress shirt and slide off his underwear and pants.

he’s standing and you get down on your knees in front of him.

you start jerking him off while sucking his tip. he throws his head back in pleasure.

“fuck you suck daddy’s dick so well baby,” he moans. he puts his hand on the back of your head and you start to go deeper, feeling him in the back of your throat.

he pulls you off of him after a while, looking at your watery eyes and saliva around your mouth. he makes you stand up. his hands go down to mess with your aching pussy.

“you’re sopping wet and i haven’t even done anything yet,” he says. you whine, embarrassed.

he continues. “daddy’s gonna fuck you so good baby”.

he backs you into the wall and picks you up by your thighs. you can feel his breath on your face as he lines his tip with your pussy. he pulls your body down on him in one swift motion. he instantly bottoms out in you. you moan loudly.

he starts picking up the pace. basically pulling your body down onto his girth. he’s so big.

then, with your legs around him, he carries your body and puts your back onto the bed, barely having a second before he starts thrusting into you again.

he’s hitting your g-spot so aggressively you start getting ready to unfold. the bed is shaking.

“i-i’m gonna cum. i’m gonna cum joey” you moan.

he starts to go faster, chasing his own high. you come undone, and he starts to get close too.

“i’m gonna cum in you baby fuck,” he grabs your throat and kisses your mouth as pumps his load deep inside of you.

as soon as you guys calm down he pulls out of you. you’re tired afterwards. he gets you one of his shirts to throw on and you guys cuddle in bed. he turns on the tv only to be met with a picture on the news of you guys kissing in the parking garage.

people sure are quick.

you guys just look at eachother and sigh. he kisses your forehead. you guys will just have to figure it out tomorrow.

[a-lurking-fae]

◇ SYNOPSIS ¡ — in which a girl is born, only to live in conplete and utter tragedy.

◇ WORD COUNT ¡ — 1.4K

◇ SERIES ¡ — BATFAM X FONTAINE! NEGLECTED READER

Dragons were usually recluse, so the fact that these fierce creatures decide to meet each other is a surprise. It was more of a surprise they didn't meet to fight—

“You know, hatchling. She's someone that could be by your side for eternity. You have both raised a child right?”

Neuvillette nods at the man before him, as he clenches his cup. “Although you may have done things in the wrong order— I'm sure that you have the chance to get onto the right track.”

The white haired dragon huffs, “I do not believe her heart hold feelings for me, after all, we were simply in a co-parent situation for our daughter—”

“Who's to say that she has not earned your affections, and you, hers— during that time?” Zhongli took a sip at the osmanthus wine, a bit frustrated at the man— who seems like he is going through puberty.

“I— I am unsure on how to approach her with this topic…” Neuvillettes’ mind was plagued with the thoughts of her, how could he repent for the broken promise of protecting their child?

“Well, if I must say, it wasn't your fault.” Zhongli sighs, he needs to drink more honestly— Neuvillettes' eyes trail onto the sight nearby, Furina is adorned with flowers, as you create more crowns for her.

Neuvillette heads toward you both, a feeling tells him that a storm is coming up. This is simply the calm before it.

You wanted to head to Liyue next, so Mr. Zhongli-totally-not-rex-lapis-or-morax volunteered to guide you. After all, is there really anyone who knows Liyue better than him?

He watches you closely— as you bid farewell to your grandparents, continuing onto your adventures. The journey to Liyue was surprisingly calm, not that you'd have it anyway— but it felt as if… multitudes of eyes were staring at you, that couldn't be, right?

“The City of Liyue is just right up ahead.” Zhongli looks on, there are a few monsters up ahead, but Xiao will most likely take care of them before you will be able to sense them.

After a few hours of hiking, you both finally end up in Liyue, the sight mesmerising you. It was as great as your mother's journal told you. There were many unfamiliar people, their attire looked pretty, and there was lots of street food around too!

First-things-first, food!— “I know some places nearby in Liyue that will provide you some rest. There are two prominent places here, the Wangshu Inn and the Baiju Guesthouse.” You forgot about your sleeping place for a bit—

“...Although, we may have a few problems in booking a room in the Baiju Guesthouse. They say a Prince rented a room there.” There were many people trying to break in too, it was quite the scene.

“Wangshu Inn it is!” You really didn't have those great memories with prince's after all. Zhongli nods at your answer, “It'll be around an hour from here to the Inn, we could eat something here, then rest there.”

He leads you to Wanmin Restaurant, a place quite favoured by his people. “This is one of the places I frequent. Childe, a… friend of mine, dined together here with me. The food is good, and has high quality ingredients.” He recalls the dragon-and-phoenix chopsticks he bought the ginger-haired man, He could certainly purchase one for you if you wished.

Zhongli ordered a few dishes such as slow-cooked bamboo shoot, crab roe tofu, boiled fish, and plenty of other dishes. He wanted to pay for the whole thing, but he seemed like he lost his wallet, so you decided to rush to pay.

After eating, you both finally started to head to the Inn. You were sure Zhongli was the most knowledgeable about Liyue, after all, he certainly stood his ground against the multiple historians against him.

He took you around the city, introducing you to Hu Tao, who seemed quite… unique! There were other people you met on the way, Xinqiu, he definitely had some great recommendations in literature. He reminded you of Jason.

The walk was really only about an hour, and the full stomach you had earlier was finally digested. You paid for both your lodgings. The owner's name was Verr Goldet apparently? She seemed very nice.

Zhongli helped you unpack your stuff, and you both finished placing your items in their respective rooms. It just turned to night, yet you couldn't shake off the feeling that something— someone was watching you.

"She's quite the sharp one." A mysterious figure looks at you. "Of course, she's my daughter, after all." She smiles.

────୨ৎ────

“Batman, you do realise what you ask of us?” Diana is befuddled at the request. Travelling between planets and worlds weren't unheard of— but to somewhere they don't even know the coordinates about?

“There's a slim chance that we'll be able to find her!—” Red Robin slams a book on the table. The Justice League knew that they were close with the Waynes, but creating a mission this dire— with many risks Diana might say.

“This was our— her mother's diary, might hold some clues on where they might be.” Nightwing clenches his fist, it a precious relic from —---. Showing this meant revealing the secrets of not only their mother, but their sister too.

“It needs to be deciphered first, but not a single thing adds up.” Not even Red Robin could solve the mystery of these messages. How do they expect them to solve it?!

“I'll take this to Themyscira, my mother may know something about this.” Bruce could only nod. Heading out with the other bats, as the Justice League look at each other with confused faces.

If the world's greatest detective— nor the second, how were they supposed to even start? All eyes fall upon Diana, as she sighs, the silhouettes of the Bats fading right before their very eyes.

When the rest of the Family arrived, Alfred could only sigh at the sight. Damian wasn't this beaten up, Tim drank more energy juice than coffee compared to last week, Bruce became more violent with each passing day— his morals barely intact.

They head to their respective rooms, simply throwing their costumes together, and letting Alfred take care of the rest. He certainly saw better days than these.

For Alfred, the death of Mrs. Wayne was one of Bruce's hardest losses. He may have gained a diamond, but he lost his home. Alfred could faintly recall their steps around the manor.

The Lady would tease the master, before running off and going on a thrilling chase. Remembering her jumping to the chandelier, Lady Martha was certainly surprised at the sight. Richard certainly reminded him of her.

Alfred submerges the bloodied clothing with water, letting the washing machine do their work. He is well aware that there may not be a chance that you'd forgive them. He, after all, took a role in your neglect.

Alfred acknowledges his mistake, but for the masters to be this dense? He could only hope that you were safe— Alfred grips his head, massaging to possibly get rid of his headache.

He wonders when spring will come.

────୨ৎ────────୨ৎ────

NOTE : Feel like this was pretty rushed hehe— sorry about that-

@euphoria-looney , @kittzu , @welpthisisboring , @maybeethan69 , @randomperson0ntheinternet

[thatonesonicfanfictionwriter]

Hello💜 I know I basically just put in a request BUT I had this in mind for long and I just saw that you're doing AU's, soooo...

It takes place in Sonic Prime, it's just a bit different. First difference is that there are multiple universes (I'm counting the whole world from Sonic Prime as only one of them) snd every one of them has a crystal and it's handler. The crystals of different universes can do different things, but basically, the more complexed the world, the more powerful the crystal. It's handler has to protect it and can also make use of more of it's power then others who want to try it (like Nine or C.C.).

The handler of the Prime universe was Shadow and the handler of the "Earth" universe is the reader. They kind of met when one of them was exploring the others universe and became friends.

Because Shadow managed to lose the crystal (I don't remember it's name) and the Chaos Emerald, he wasn't really able to contact the reader in anyway.

The fight also went a bit different - Nine was too late to realised that what he was doing was wrong, just as the last of their universe was about to shatter, so Shadow used that crystal and managed to transport everyone to reader's house, sadly losing his and his friends universe at the end.

So the main story starts when reader was basically chilling in their house (it's far from others and quite big, so there won't be any issue with that), when suddenly everyone from that battlefield teleported there. Shadow introduces them and asks for reader's help in giving them a new home

Hope you understood it, I can't wait to see you make it😁 Love ya🥰

“No Way Back…”

Pairing: Shadow the Hedgehog x Human Reader

AU: “Keepers of the Crystals”

Requested: Yes (by @grapegirlpoland ).

Description: Well. You definitely didn’t expect to become the keeper of a bunch of Mobians. But life is just the strangest thing ever, isn’t it?

Notes: My first AU request!!! I really hope I do this one well! Hope you enjoy! ^^

(Reader will be gender-neutral.)

(Not proof-read/beta-read.)

– – – – – – – – – – – –

Something was wrong.

You could just feel it.

Your danger sense was just telling you that something was about to happen.

So you set your book down and rushed outside from your house (which was in the middle of nowhere, and for good reason).

Before you can do so much as blink, a bunch of mobians are in front of your house, along with five strange-looking humans.

In the middle of them all is one you recognize, that being a very exhausted Shadow, who was the guardian of the Paradox Prism.

You only knew him because you had visited his world before a few times, but you had visited less and less due to you having to guard the Earth’s special crystal, known as the Earthly Emerald.

“Shadow! What the heck happened?!” you ask, rushing over to him.

He lets out a few sharp exhales, out of breath.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters out after he catches his breath. “I couldn’t protect the Prism. It…It’s been destroyed.”

“That explains all of the mobians on my doorstep…” you mutter.

“I’m sorry. I thought your place was the safest bet for where we could stay,” Shadow says.

You let out a sigh.

“You all can stay. But I’m in charge,” you say. “No fighting, no leaving the house, and no murder. And don’t touch the Earthly Emerald. I will know if you’ve gone near it.”

“Thank you, [Name],” Shadow says.

“I’m not sharing a room with any of you,” one of the two-tailed foxes states.

“That’s fine, I’ll just set up room preparations…” you mutter. “You, Shadow, are lucky I have a big house in the middle of nowhere, and that I like you.”

“Ooooh, Shads is in lo-ove!~” Sonic teases.

Shadow lets out a yell and jumps onto Sonic, who screams, a cloud of smoke appearing around the two as they fight, causing you to facepalm.

You go to the side of your house and turn on your hose, spraying the two hedgehogs, getting them to stop fighting.

This was going to take a lot of getting used to.

But you would manage.

[sneaky-eel]

I was thinking of Desmond's mother again and how my version is no nonsense and awkward with affection. But now I can only think that if Desmond had lived, she would do, not quite a complete 180, but try a lot more while still being horribly awkward.

She full on goes Altair scholar mode and gets, like, 30 books for new parents and studies them all in one night. Maybe one or two pet owner ones cause she is desperate damn it. She wants so badly to try and make up for his childhood. Which is really great and all, but now she is trying to apply them to her 25-year-old son.

Desmond comes down for food and finds his dinner there, already cut up, which cool he hasn't mastered the art of cutting food with only one hand yet, so that definitely makes things easier. Then she starts watching him like a hawk (or eagle, hehe), making sure he eats enough and sleeps enough.

Hell, maybe for the first few nights, she waits for Desmond to fall asleep and camps herself in a chair by his door, sleeping there to act as his silent guard.

She asks Bill about the pros and cons of putting a baby monitor in Desmond's room, and Bill just gives her a tired look and is like, "Please don't."

One of the books talked about the importance of giving attention and affirmation to your child, so she will comment on his skills, but occasionally randomly be like, "Good job, son. You... got very tall? Handsome? Combatant?" (She is trying, Desmond. Leave her alone.)

Kids (and pets) need regular exercise, right? Well, Desmond, get ready to be woken up at 4 in the morning by your mother at the foot of your bed, asking if you would like to go on a run with her.

She puts Desmond's first proper mission report on the fridge cause that's a thing she knows parents do when they are proud of their kid.

She starts giving him small things when he does something good. Candy, desserts, maybe a new hoodie. It escalates to her one day being like, "Should I get him a puppy, or a cat? Some kind of service animal perhaps."

And God forbid someone wants to meet with her son. Bill had told the whole Brotherhood what Desmond had done, and when the news finally gets out that he is alive, many want to see/meet him, but they have to go through Mama Miles first. She does background checks on their background checks, looks over all their previous missions and success rate, and makes them file a god damn intentions form. If they pass all that, then they have to get through several hours of interrogation by her personally. It's only then she will ask Desmond "Hey do you want to meet these people?" and if he says no, she throws them out without a second thought.

At first, it all makes Desmond very confused. He thinks it's maybe out of pity, but eventually, he realizes this is just her trying to make up for never being physically there. It leaves him smiling and shaking his head because even his infallible (in his eyes) mother can be such a...a dork. He ends up extending his own olive branch by asking her to help him train so he can get use to the whole one arm thing.

[sexybluealienporn]

mouthwashing headcanons of ur fav character :3

Mouthwashing Headcanons

word count: 530 warnings: jimmy (per usual), mentions of drug use author's note: i dont really have a fav so i just did all of the characters, also so so sorry this took ages, i've been in a writing slump :( this is a lot shorter than i wanted it to be but i hope ya'll like it

Curly

I like to think that this mfer HATES tea like he only drinks coffee, and in a very specific way too. He prefers his coffee with three spoonfuls of sugar, a splash of milk, and liquid hazelnut creamer, you can't change my mind on this.

100% listens to The Smiths, his favourite song is Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

He likes to get high every once in a while. Curly can't handle stress well, so a blunt every now and then really helps take the load off.

He's the type of guy to not have favourites, save a few things. Favourite colour? "I don't know, I like them all." Favourite book? "I'm not sure. I don't really have one." Favourite song? "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now by The Smiths."

Jimmy

He definitely likes Nirvana and Radiohead. I also like to think he got Curly into The Smiths. Favourite songs from each band includes Heart-Shaped Box, Black Star, and I Know It's Over.

Jimmy, for some reason, hates it when people tell him about their dreams. He really couldn't care less about some "weird spiritual shit."

Habitual stoner, also introduced Curly to weed. This man is just an overall bad influence on Curly.

Jimmy knows the schedule of every crew member. It isn't because he cares, it's because knowing gives him a sense of control and security. He doesn't like not being in the know.

Daisuke

Barely billingual. He's a 2nd gen immigrant and he only knows English and a sprinkle of Japanese, it's a bit embarassing to him.

Daisuke 100% has imposter syndrome. He isn't used to things going right for him, it feels wrong and uncomfortable.

Bro is oblivious to any romantic advances thrown his way, even if it's the most obvious flirting you've ever seen in your life. He thinks it's all just friendly banter.

Physically can't sit properly. He always has to be leaning back, or have his leg tucked under his other leg, or just some weird pose. He also fidgets quite a bit.

Swansea

Lowkey can't spell "resturaunt." He won't ever admit it though. "I'm not wearing my glasses, that's why." and he doesn't even wear glasses.

He absolutely hates it when people are late to functions or don't follow given instructions correctly. He's very quick to get irritated.

Had to unlearn a bunch of behaviours once he had kids. It was a struggle, but he knew it he had to be better for his kids.

He's a big fan of Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton. It is legitimately the only country song he even remotely enjoys. Besides that, he mostly sticks to 70s-80s pop.

Anya

Anya's favourite brand of chips is Funyuns. She can go through an entire bag in one sitting, preferably while watching some shitty soap opera.

She likes to crochet every once in a while as a way to destress, sometimes crocheting her own clothes or blankets.

Had a minor goth phase in highschool. She mostly did toned down tradgoth makeup and wore all black outfits. She was goth on a budget.

Anya actually likes a lot of gacha app games, often spending some money here and there.

[beekeeperspicnic]

Hi ! First of all, huge fan of your project, and I really look forward to March ! What prompted your love for Sherlock Holmes, and when was it ? And was there a specific videogame that made you go "oh, hell I want to make a game too!" If so, which one was it ?

I think there are two definite phases to me liking Sherlock Holmes. The first was when I was about 11 or 12, which saw me reading some of the stories and getting up early to watch Granada Holmes reruns on satellite tv. I had a deerstalker which was enormous on me, and tried learning to play the violin, and insisted my parents take me to Baker Street so I could have my picture taken there (ok, and also because Danger Mouse lived there.)

As for *why* I liked them so much, I think it was probably the combination of feeling like grown-up books with a grown-up hero (important when you're a tween), and feeling a kinship with Holmes as a bit of an oddball like myself - but a heroic one. I think I'd been primed for it by loving Great Mouse Detective and a series of kids books called Shirley Holmes when I was younger. But it was a solitary love - I didn't know anyone else who was remotely interested in them, and eventually I moved on to other things. Specifically I think the 2005 Doctor Who revival happened, and suddenly I had a thing I loved which I could talk about with classmates!

(I'm afraid I might have to disappoint some people that I wasn't a circa 2012 BBC Sherlock fangirl - I didn't really watch it. I casually saw the first few series when they aired, and that's about it.)

In late 2021 went back to reading Sherlock Holmes and found I enjoyed them just as much as an adult, if not more with the added social and cultural context I had. Dracula Daily had just run for the first time, and I told myself that in 2023 when the Sherlock Holmes stories were public domain, I'd do a similar thing. Then Dracula Daily ran again and REALLY took off in popularity, and my little project suddenly got way more attention too, and suddenly it was like I was that 12 year old again loving Sherlock Holmes, but now I had so many friends who did too.

It's been that sense of community which has been fuelling me for the past few years. I've never really fit into traditional fandom spaces for a few reasons, but I find that I vibe with Sherlock Holmes folks!

(I am answering asks, if anyone has one!)

[emilys-bangs]

Okay okay I've got more thoughts and would love to hear your input!

How would Emily feel or react if reader kept bringing new plants into her BAU office every now and then? Would she be able to care for them? A tiny succulent here, an orchid there. Oh look at this one! what even is that? 🧐

Would Emily pay extra attention in their care because she got them from reader (her colleague she's crushing on) ((and who is crushing on Emily)) or would she fail at keeping them all alive and be real sad one plant died even though she tried her very best?

I don't think Emily is well versed with plants and how to care for them so I think it'd be really cute if she had a plant in one hand a "how to" book about plants in the other. I can just see her squinting at the plant after reading how dramatic some plants can be. Bonus points if we witness this and see Emily wearing her glasses 🫶

Hold uppp, I'm screaming I love this!! I think Emily would definitely be...confused when you show up one day with a couple of potted plants in your hands, saying how you think they would brighten up her office. Confused, but secretly endeared, too, especially given how much you know about them. It was a hidden interest she never expected you to have, but when you started rambling on about how to take care of them and how much water and attention they'd need she silently vowed to herself that she'll keep these plants alive if it's the last thing she'll do.

Too bad she fails. Miserably. And she's genuinely upset about it!! She never owned any before, her experience is limited to knowing that they need water and sunlight - who knew you could kill a plant by overwatering? It's less about the plants and more that she didn't want you to think she was neglecting them (she honest to god tried diligently following your instructions and she lasted like three days before you got a case and she came back to them all brown and wilting) but you think it's both hilarious and endearing how she's trying so hard. So, you get her a few more that are more resilient (luckily she can't kill a succulent) and she (very reluctantly) entrusts Anderson to watering them when you're away on cases. And!! Miracle of all miracles, only one dies!! She's still sooo upset about it (it's not because she's caring for a plant, is it? definitely not...) and she doesn't want you finding out, so she secretly replaces it and buys Houseplants 101😭 when you peek the book on her desk you're so nauseously in love despite all the extra OXYGEN in her office (it's become so green) you almost don't notice the different shade of the pot she replaced. When you do, you almost kiss her.

[paci-papa]

what if i’m scared to do anything more than pee in my diapers? what would you do to help?

Oh, sweetie, doing more than wetting your diapers can definitely be a scary prospect for some little ones. Some babies don't like being stinky and feeling all icky and are afraid of the clean up (which can definitely be a lot).

Because of that, Papa would never pressure a little one into making messies in their pants unless it was something they absolutely wanted to do. Not making stinkies does not make you any less of a cutie in Papa's book!

But, from your question, my little cutie, I assume this is something that you want to do! And Papa is always ready to help with shy poopers!

I'd start by getting you nice and cozy in the thickest diaper Papa could find. Feeling like the diaper can hold your little messies is a big first step to assuaging any fear!

Next, Papa would spend the morning treating you like the adorable little baby you are! I'd help you slip deep into little space, where worry about things about messy diapers start to slide away.

The whole time you were crawling around and playing with your toys, Papa would feed you bottles of milk with a little bit of Papa's special medicine. After a little bit, you'll be so little and the medicine will be working so good, it won't take you even a thought to let yourself pack your adorable little pampers!

To make things easier for you next time, Papa would obviously give you a reward for your good work. A little time playing with Mrs. Buzzy or making humpies with Mr. Bear will help you associate your messy bottom with good feelings!

Then a few cuddles and a fresh diaper before you get all rashy or sick will end Papa's fun little un-potty training session with you!

[your-unfriendlyghost]

I saw you say that you would like some more Sandy interpretations and I'm the #1 Sandy fan so I wanted to say what I thought of her

Sandy's described as a sweet girl in the book and I'm sticking to that, her home life also isn't the best so when Sandy found out she was pregnant her parents were pissed beyond hell and back and sent her to live with her grandparents because they didn't want to have to help raise the baby. Sandy knew she was going to have to move so she wanted to spare Soda the pain of not being able to see his kid by just telling him it wasn't his because she figured maybe letting him think she cheated on him would be less painful than knowing he has a child out there whos life he can't really be a part of

That’s definitely a take on Sandy I’ve seen a few times! I like it ok, although my own interpretation of her is pretty different most of the time. (That’s definitely just a me thing tho cos I’ve dated and genuinely cared for a few girls that were pretty…bad tbh. Like slightly-maybe-broke-my-heart-a-little-bit bad. n I like to project that angst onto Soda 🥲)

BUT, separate from that, I’ve had this really painful AU in my head for a while with a Sandy that’s more like yours. I’ve mentioned it briefly- it would be about Sandy having to raise her and Soda’s son with Pony, Darry, and Steve, because of Soda dying in Vietnam.

Steve’s my fav so unfortunately most of that AU is from his pov in my head, but it’d admittedly be more interesting from Sandy’s in some ways. But idk I guess either way it’s about both of them having to come together for the kid, all while grieving the boy they both loved…

Whole AU idea came from listening to “The Trees Do Grow So High” by David Pajo one too many times I think, but idk man it just fits so well:

“And my own true love Was the fairest of them all He's young but he's daily growing At the age of sixteen years He was a married man By the age of seventeen He was the father of a son At the age of eighteen years Round his grave the grass grew long Cruel death had put an end to his growing

Well once I had a true love But now I have none But I watch his blue eyed son while he's growing”

(Just swap the blue for brown bc as we know blue eyed Soda is my no.1 opp) (hm actually no leave the blue Sandy has blue eyes ig)

Anyway I’ve even meaning to draw something heartbreaking for that au for a minute now lol (I’ve been putting it off tho cos my drawings are usually comedic while my writing’s usually angsty, so angsty/serious art is a little outta my wheelhouse?? Idk I’ll get there eventually)

[steddielations]

one thing I loved about Eddie’s book is the fact that Eddie’s actually not a music snob. He likes all kinds of music, he listens to blues and country because it’s what his mom loved. He didn’t understand blues until she died and he experienced real loss and grief and sadness and he could feel it. He just loves music and how people relate to it and he associates people with the music they like, even if it’s not his taste, it’s how he connects with people.

All that to say, I’m imagining the look on Dustin’s face sitting in the front seat of Eddie’s van, watching him grinning to himself and tapping the steering wheel and nodding along to Tears for Fears, the same song that Dustin knows for a fact Eddie always switches the radio when it comes on, the same song Steve has been humming for weeks.

[prolibytherium]

I never touched it but I feel like i only ever hear positive things said about song of achilles.. in (rough strokes at least) what makes it dogshit to you?

Okay it's been a while since I actually read it so some of this might not be spot on accurate. Sorry if at any point I say 'the book never does xyz' and it actually does once or twice but I think my underlying criticisms are accurate

-Patroclus is made into like this soft gentle tender quivering little yaoi boy. In the source text, he's shown as compassionate and moved by the suffering of his own men (and apparently having some medical skill, tending to the wounded in the camp), but very much invested n combat and very, very good at it (pages worth of descriptions of the guys he's killing left and right). In this, the arguably more complex character from this 8th century BC text is flattened into Being A Healer, he doesn't want to go to war he just wants to help people, he only goes because Achilles has to but he doesn't want to fight he's a HEALER he's a gentle lover NOT A FIGHTER who just wants to help he just wants to help everyone around him he HEALS while Achilles is a doomed warrior who is so good at fighting and KILLING its a DICHOTOMY GUYS!!!LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL SUN AND MOON DOOMED LOVERS SO SAD patocluse HEALER . (I Think he's specifically characterized as being BAD at fighting but might be misremembering)

-I don't remember much about Achilles' characterization I think it just makes him less of a jackass while not adding anything of interest and levels out into being mad boring.

-Not getting into the literal millenias old debate whether the mythological characters Achilles and Patroclus were being characterized as some type of lover by the original oral sources of the Iliad or its Homeric writers. We will never know. We don't even know what (if any) culturally accepted conventions of male homosexuality existed in bronze age Greece (we know much more about their descendants). But there are some interesting elements of their characterization in this direction, with how unconventional their relationship is WITHIN the text itself- Patroclus is described as cooking for Achilles and his guests (very specifically a woman/wife's job), Achilles chides Patroclus like a father, but there's also scene where Achilles' mourning of him directly echoes a passage of Hector's wife mourning her husband, Patroclus is explicitly stated to Achilles' elder, and is overall treated as his equal or near-equal, closest confidant and most beloved friend (to the point that pederastic classical Greeks would debate over who was erastes (older authority figure lover) and who was eromenos (adolescent 'beloved')- many took it as a given that this text depicted their present-day cultural norms of homosexual behavior but it existed so Outside of these norms that it had to be debated who was who). Their relationship is non-standard both within the text and to the descendants of the civilization that wrote them.

Basically what I'm saying is this book had opportunities to like, explore the unconventionality of the relationship (being presented here as explicitly lovers), explore the dynamics of why Patroclus wants to do 'women's work' (besides being a tenderhearted softboy), the weird dynamics where they take on paternal roles to each other but also roles of wives, how they feel about being this way, and just kind of Doesn't. Which I guess isn't an intrinsic fault (because it omits much of what I just talked about to begin with). it's just like.... Lame. This book takes jsut abandons everything interesting about the source text in favor of flattening it into bland Doomed Yaoi.

-The conflict that sets off the core story of the Iliad is Achilles and Agamemnon fighting over Briseis, an enslaved Trojan woman taken by Achilles as a war-trophy, Achilles spends most of the story moping because he was dishonored by his 'trophy' being taken. Achilles and Patroclus and everyone else are raping their captives, all the women in the story are either captured Trojans (or in the case of the free women within the walls of Troy, soon to be enslaved, and are slave owners themselves). Slavery as an institution and extreme patriarchal conventions are innate to the text and reflective of the context in which it was developed. You cannot avoid it.

But obviously you can't have your soft yaoi boys doing this, so the author has them capturing women to Protect Them from the other men. Their slaves are UNDER THEIR PROTECTION and VERY SAFE (and they might even Like And Befriend Them but I might be misremembering that. Briseis does though). Our heroes have apparently absorbed none of the ideals of the culture they exist in and the author seems to think "they're gay and aren't sexually attracted to their captives" would translate to them being outright benevolent (also as if wartime sexual violence is just about attraction and not part of a wider spectrum of violent acts to dehumanize and brutalize an accepted 'enemy')

In the source text, Briseis mourns Patroclus as being the kindest to her of her captors, who tried to get her a slightly better outcome by getting her married to Achilles (which probably would be the Least Bad of all possible outcomes for a woman in that situation, becoming a legal wife instead of a slave), and wonders what will happen to her now that he's gone. This is a really really sad, horrible, and compelling dynamic which could be fleshed out in very interesting ways but is instead is tossed entirely aside in favor of them being Besties. Like brother and sister.

All of the above pisses me off so much. If you don't want to engage in the icky parts of ancient/bronze age Greece then don't write a retelling of a story taking place in bronze age Greece. I'm not gonna get mad at children's adaptations of Greek myths or silly fun stories loosely based on them for omitting the rape and slavery but it is SO fundamental to the Iliad. If you're not willing to handle it, either fully omit it or better yet set your Iliad inspired yaoi in an invented swords-and-sandals setting where you can have all your heartbreaking tragic doomed lovers plot beats and not have to clumsily write around the women they're brutalizing.

-The author didn't seem to know what to do with Thetis and she made her just like, Achilles bitch mother who spends most of the story trying to separate our Yaoi Boys (iirc her disguising Achilles as a girl and hiding him on Scyros is made to be more about getting him away from Patroclus than trying to save her son from his prophesied doom in the Trojan War) until she sees how much they loooove each other and I think helps Patroclus' spirit get to the afterlife or something in the end?

-This is more of a personal taste gripe but it has that writing style I loathe where the prose feels less like a story and more like an attempt to string together Deep Beautiful Hard Hitting Poetic Lines that will look great as excerpts on booktok (might predate booktok but same vibe). It's all very Pretty and Haunting and Deep but feels devoid of real substance.

I really like The Iliad and The Odyssey in of themselves. They're fascinating historical texts that give a window into how 8th century BC Greeks told their stories, saw their world, interpreted their ancestors, etc. And genuinely I think these texts have 'good' characters, there's a lot of complexity and humanity to it.

WRT the Iliad- all of the main Achaeans are pretty fascinating, the one singular part where Briseis Gets To Talk and laments her situation is great, Achilles fantasizing that all of the Trojans AND the Achaeans die so he and Patroclus alone can have the glory of conquering Troy (wild), Achilles asking to embrace Patroclus' shade and reaching out for him but it's immaterial (and the shade being sucked back underground with a 'squeak' (the squeak kinda gets me it's disturbing and sad)), Hecuba talking about wanting to tear out Achilles' liver and eat it in a (taboo, exceptioally pointed) expression of rage and grief for his mutilation of her son's corpse, just one tiny line where the enslaved women performing ritual wailing for their dead captors are described as using it as an outlet to 'grieve for their own troubles' is heartrending, etc. A lot of grappling with anger and grief and the inevitability of death, a lot of groundwork laid for characters that could be very interesting when expanded upon in the framework of a conventional novel.

And Song Of Achilles really doesn't do much with all that. I know a lot of my gripes here are kind of just "It's different from the Iliad", I would have thought of it as mostly mediocre and forgettable rather than infuriating if it wasn't a retelling (and I DEFINITELY have strong biases here). But I think the ways in which it is different are less just a product of a retelling (of course there's going to be omissions and differences) and more a complete and utter disinterest in vast majority of its own subject matter, to the book's detriment. I think a retelling has a point when it EXPANDS on the source, or provides a NEW ANGLE to the source. This book doesn't Really do either, it just shaves off the complexity of its source material, renders the characters into a really boring archetype of a gay relationship, and gives very little else. Its content boils down to a middling tragic romance that has been inserted into the hollowed out defleshed skeleton of the Iliad.

Bottom line: I definitely would not be as mad about it if I wasn't familiar with the source material but I think it's fair to expect a retelling to Engage with/expand on its source, and I also think it's weak purely on its own merits. This book was set up to disappoint Me specifically.

[haughttopics]

finally watched happiest season and i totally understand why people hated the ending.

except for Jane. she deserves the world.

[nathsolkyoako]

I read the shit I wrote yesterday and like. Dude this is Weird

[lazaruspiss]

so many people just hear "dick was a cop" and go "eww im gonna pretend i didnt see that" and like. if its just bc you cant handle the subject matter thats one thing, but often times its just. performative. especially because the actually storyline is so much about dick trying (and as far as ive gotten to reading so far, failing) to make a change in the system and be a "good cop". it's an extremely heavy but genuinely very interesting storyline. dick does find other "good cops", but they're very much the minority and usually keep their heads down, because cops are bastards and will ruin the lives of "fellow officers" who try and do things right. they try to frame dick for murder at one point and everything.

[viperwhispered]

I just realized.

Jamil can't really talk about his overblot and the situation leading to it with his family or anyone in the Scalding Sands, because that would lead to problems with Kalim's parents and probably with his own family.

But he also can't talk about the events of book 6.

(Some spoilers under the cut, mostly for the early parts of the book.)

He was attacked, kidnapped, imprisoned etc. - because he overblotted. And like, sure the game might not linger on it, but that's probably quite the traumatic experience.

And he can't even mention it to his family.

He's chafing against his burdens, dealing with several direct and indirect consequences for daring to try to change his untenable situation (I mean sure his methods were what they were but anyway), and he can't even talk about it? Not about the original suffering with his childhood & life of servitude, not about the things that followed. Not to his family, not to the people around him at school. (Kalim? Out of the question. The other overblotters / Styx trippers? Yeah good luck feeling close enough to be actually vulnerable with them. Plus, while they share in the abduction experience, the whole servitude situation is probably quite out of their wheelhouse.)

And like, I don't really expect the game to look at it from this angle. Yeah, the overblottets got got, had some troubles, yeah they busted themselves out and saved the day. I mean, not like they acted particularly bothered with Idia, either. But still, you'd imagine that sort of an experience to leave a mark on a person.

Unless Jamil already feels imprisoned enough with his circumstances that this didn't feel that much of a change to his usual existence, in which case... Well.

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: TUCHANKA (PART 2)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, Urdnot Wrex, and Dr. Mordin Solus With: Urdnot Bakara And a Special Guest Appearance by: Kalros, Mother of All Thresher Maws I MADE A MISTAKE! I made a mistake... big picture made of little pictures- too many variables. Can't hide behind statistics... can't ignore new data- my responsibility. Need to go- running out of time. Not your work, not your cure- not your decision. Had to be me- someone else might have gotten it wrong... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)