#i like to pretend im a cryptic being

[snekdood]

so august 2018 is when my peak being-crazy-made art craziness happened, huh

[enbysiriusblack]

rereading snape's worst memory:

severus is writing A LOT more than the other students around him, so like. he probably does try super hard in all his exams, but defence is clearly one of his favourites i think from this. like he's writing super small and still filling out a lot of the parchment, so he's got a lot to say about the subject, plus he's writing like really fast without stopping

if james is only a short distance away from severus and sirius is in the same row as james, does this mean exam tables aren't set up in alphabetical order? people just sit where they want or something? weird

james' hair is described as messy like 5 times by harry. i don't think we focus on that enough.

girl, pay attention to your exam. we get he's hot, but damn

remus, you're good at dada, stop worrying sm about it. u got this mate

peter having exam anxiety is soooo canon i swear. also i'm giggling at him trying to cheat

doodler!james >>>> also harry not clocking his own mum's initals is kinda sad

ooh guys, should i make stebbins (he's a guy who doesn't put down his quill and continues writing after the exam finishes so flitwick calls him out) florence's boyfriend?? should i actually give 'boyfriend' a name???

honestly, other than the weird seating plan, this is so accurate to gsce exams. like turning around just to do a face or hand gesture to your friend a few seats away when the teacher's not looking? someone always writing after they tell you to stop? laughing at the teacher? waiting for your friends to discuss the paper straight away? its so real

these guys are incapable of being serious. they are all so fucking sarcastic. i love it.

why's severus still enthralled in his exam for???? it's over mate, go fucking relax

unrequited prongstail is real (also james' nicking a snitch?? he's such a weirdo)

severus!! harry literally was describing you as super pale and like you never go in the sunlight.. and then you go and sit in the shade?? it's early summer in scotland, it's not gonna be that fucking hot.

poly marauders are canon? (they were just described as being a foursome)

handsome just keeps getting added to any description of sirius. might start doing this in my fics /j

this is making me realise how canonly accurate the personalities of the marauders are in my fic (i'm only cryptic and machiavellian), and i love that for me

yeah unrequited prongstail is def canon omfg.

"sirius was the only person for whom james would stop showing off". james doesn't need to show off for sirius, because he knows sirius will always be there for him and give him attention anyway aww

remus and james both trying to think up solutions as soon as sirius says he's bored?? i'm giggling.

peter must have been sooo dissapointed that sirius and james stopped hexing people as often... his fav entertainment. gone.

okay i swear i've read this like loads of times before but i never actually realised sirius 'barking with laughter' was how he canonly laughs, i always just write that to be funny, i didn't know it was canon

james constantly looking over at the girls by the lake. like mate, she didn't notice or care about you throwing a snitch in the air but i don't think bullying her friend is any better. like yeah it gets her attention but is that really the kind of attention you want?? oh, you'll take any attention you can get from her? okay, right, fine

peter edging... IM SORRY

"i was watching him" OKAY,, snirius enjoyers are eating today

*smugly grinning* i KNEW james' hair fidgeting thing was an anxious/nervous habit I TOLD YOU ALL

lily's hair is dark red!!! just in case anyone forgot!!

i love remus. disagree with your friend's actions? don't worry! u can always just pretend you're so enthralled in your book you don't even notice what they're doing! just look the other way and you're totally absolving yourself and your friends from any guilt!

i feel like james asked lily out only once before this. like in fourth year of maybe just a couple months before this, and like in a proper fairly private, giving her flowers, asking timidly (well as timid as he can be), and she responded in a fairly similar way to here. so james asking here, is like trying to resolve his own feelings of embarassment about the rejection ig?

lily smiling!!!! oh she's such a cunt i love her (ofc james and sirius are bigger cunts ofc!!!) like girl that's your damn friend getting 'pantsed'. although ig like. it was kinda a norm thing to like do it TO your own friends soo hmm. (btw i put 'pantsed' in brackets since it's not pantsing, like. the point is that severus isn't wearing pants, he's wearing robes. it's robesing...)

sirius and james are too wuss to duel lily <333 cause she'd thrash them <333 (they totally duelled her before and got their arses kicked)

oh severus... u suck so bad... just cause she found you getting robesed funny doesn't mean u should go call her slurs wtf man

go off lily okayyy. her insults/jokes hit harder than all of sirius' ngl (ily sirius you're still funny and got good insults i swear!!)

okay personally lily, i don't think someone who shows off and hexes people who annoy him (which is. maybe just in my opinion) majoritively people who are bigoted/do dark magic, and then someone who calls their supposed best friend a slur in front of like half their peers are as bad as each other...

^also james!! omg mate she noticed you showing off with your snitch and messing your hair up!!! (also furthering my proof that he does it as a nervous act cause he's all nervous around her so does it more often and she just thinks he's showing off)

sirius, now is not the time for your brutal honestly. like that's so real of you and i suffer from the same infliction but still..

[starleska]

hi! im a really big fan of your fanfics (especially the wally ones) and i’m really curious to know what are songs that you associate with him?? please don’t be afraid to share!!! i really like talking and gushing over wally darling with a fellow wally simp lol

hey there anon!! 💖 aww my goodness you are so lovely, thank you!! it brings my heart so much joy that you like my writing...i can't believe the surge of wonderful feedback fired my way over this past week 🙈🙈 what a fun question!! there's a few songs i associate with Wally right now, and i'm sure more will pop up as we learn more about him;;; some are less overt, and more to do with Wally x Reader vibes - or, my terrible musical taste/hallucinating scenarios while listening to the same twenty songs 😂 fun simp challenge!! have a listen to a few of these with your eyes shut, thinking about Wally. you're guaranteed to have a good time 😉

Songs I Associate with Wally Darling:

Touch-Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon. no one could've seen this one coming 😂 no, as soon as i discovered Welcome Home i knew i'd finally found the right character to edit this song with. the conspiracy theory, cryptic vibes, slight desperation and of course retro-phone theming all work so well for Wally! 🥰

Out of My Mind by CG5. total coincidence that this banger dropped just as i learned about Welcome Home, and there's something cathartic and hypnotic about that repetitive chorus that fits with a lot of theories about Wally's struggles with Home...i had this one on repeat while writing The Nightmare Picnic 👀

An Unhealthy Obsession by The Blake Robinson Synthetic Orchestra. this one's for all the yandere!Wally fans out there - i think every person who's a fan of terrifying, obsessive characters loves this song 😉 this is the one had on repeat while writing those yandere!Wally headcanons - i actually included it to listen to whilst reading in the original post, but i ran out of space!! 🙈

INSANE by Black Gryphon & Baasik. i know, strike me down for including a song made specifically for another Tumblr Sexyman on this list!!! but come on - the static, the showmanship, the overt friendliness masking a smiling, curious sadism...don't pretend like you don't enjoy this take on Wally, i've seen the fanart 😂

LA Devotee by Panic! at the Disco. this one's jam-packed with fun occult imagery and all about fame and obsession, so it feels perfect for our children's puppet show ARG!! something about it just hits right with how the fandom perceives the darker side of Wally 😳 i'm listening to this a lot at the moment as i've got a Metalocalypse MEP part to this song in the works, but my thoughts can't help wandering to Mr. Darling;;

Super Psycho Love by Simon Curtis. lord help me, you can tell i was in the AMV-making community in the late 2000s/early 2010s 😂 this song's a staple for attentive, manipulative, obsessive characters...even if we end up being totally wrong, and Wally is a Darling in more than name, we'll always have fun with our unhealthily possessive fantasies 🥰

Teenage Dream by Katy Perry. hey, i'm a basic bitch - i love listening to sugary-sweet, fluffworthy AMV music whilst writing my x Readers 🙈💖 a lot of the folks who request Wally often bear a little bit of their souls when asking - revealing insecurities about themselves, and wanting to be reassured he'd love them anyway. this is such a pretty, nostalgic song, and i think it captures the softness with which many of us would like to be treated by him ✨

Crush by Mandy Moore. similar to the last entry, yet leaning even more into that bubblegum romance vibe...i'm simply weak for blushy crush scenarios 🥴💖 i like this one a lot for x Readers, especially an embarrassed Reader absolutely overcome with how precious they find Wally 💖

Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng. one of my favourite songs of all time, and the perfect choice if you want your heart to ache 💔 i think this is a wonderful choice when thinking about a hurt Reader...someone who has fully given up on love, only to be confronted with Wally's relentless sunshine personality and falling head over heels 🥺 this song speaks to why i think many of us are infatuated with Wally...his charm coming from that childlike outlook, his tendency to love everything and everyone. lots of us could benefit from that kind of unconditional love, i think;;

[strawberrycamel]

literally couldn't not make this. i think i have a new favourite trope @redead-red

fics & recs below

fucking amazing UFS time travel fic that is sort of connected to Naked Truth Lies which is another banger UFS fic. literally my beloved.

Summary:

Wes Weston finds himself ten years in the past facing down his teen years on a wild fetch quest for his ghostly boyfriend. Too bad his teen self is doing everything in his power to make his task miserable...and the teenage version of said boyfriend definitely isn't helping. (Or: You Won't Believe How Nostalgic This Author Is For 2005)

there's a scene near the end where someone is fucking Terrifying with a capital T that i think about so fucking often i love it so much. and the descriptions in this fic? impeccable, amazing, fit the tone and mood of the chapters/scenes so very well.

The older/future boys (danny & wes) are so gay for each other in the times we see them together. also. Very good descent from 'Baby Wes what the fuck. why are you doing these things.' to 'WHAT THE FUCK, BABY DANNY HELLO?' to 'wow, they both suck in horrible, yet different ways. very compelled as to how they end up even becoming friends when they hate each other so much.' Also, 'future Wes pls. you're right but also. he is just a lil guy.'

As previously mentioned, Kyle. i love him, he's such a guy. Guy of all time. Works at Blockbuster, tricks future Wes (going by West and pretending to be his long lost cousin, lmao nice one) into helping him at work, is overall a menace, but very clearly does love his brother, Baby Wes. And Vlad hehehehe, i loved reading about him and i could feel future Wes' panic in his presence. this fic is so much. it's everything. i love it. probably one of my favourite dp fics ever.

im only just starting chapter 4 so far but im hooked.

Summary:

Jazz fell asleep in 2016 and woke up in a hospital bed in 2004. While trying to find her way back to her time, Jazz finds herself haunted by both the past and the future…literally.

it is so creepy at times and i feel so bad for Jazz and Danny and like. the horrors. A mentally 29 year old Jazz has to go through high school again. including french class. Literal nightmare to me. Kyle is also here and being as cryptic and carefree as he ever is working at Blockbuster. Very interesting read so far and i am v excited for the next chapter.

[andiwriteordie]

HEY ANDI :) CONGRATS ON 1500 FOLLOWERS !!! YOU DESERVE IT AND SO MUCH MORE <33

okay i wasn't sure if the prompt thing was still open which is why i haven't sent one in yet but i was wondering if you could write something like a party sleepover with pining Mike and madwheeler ? im a HUGE platonic madwheeler enjoyer and that'd be just perfect

ahh, thank you so much! i hope you enjoy!!!

—

kiss you in a crowded room

Max Mayfield is on a mission tonight, and she’s not leaving this sleepover until she completes that mission.

Quite honestly, the mission shouldn’t be that difficult, except for the fact that her friends are literally fucking idiots. That’s the simplest explanation for it. Everyone in the Party is just a little bit stupid, but by far, the stupidest member of the Party has to be Mike Wheeler.

…

She means that with love. Really, she does.

But see, Max can say shit like that because tonight, she’s going to do Mike Wheeler a huge favor. She’s going to (very gently) nudge Mike and Will in the right direction, so they stop pining after each other, like they’ve been doing for the last several years. Apparently, it hadn’t even gotten any better when Max was in her coma. Oh no, in fact, it had gotten worse, according to Lucas. 

And somehow, even though the war with Vecna is now over, Mike and Will still haven’t started dating each other yet.

Everyone else seems to be content with waiting for them to figure it out on their own, but hey, if there’s one thing that being killed and brought back to life like Jesus taught Max, it’s that you shouldn’t waste the time you’ve been given.

So, that’s exactly why Max has concocted a little plan—with El’s help, of course—to get Will and Mike together.

It’s quite simple honestly, and it’ll be hilarious no matter what.

The Party’s going to play spin the bottle.

“We are not playing spin the bottle,” Mike protests, and Max leans back, scrunching her nose in the direction of her friend.

“You gonna tell a blind girl what she can or can’t do, Wheeler?” Max asks boredly. “Because that’s really, really rude of you.”

Mike just sputters. “I didn’t… I’m not… What does that even have to do with anything?”

“It has everything to do with everything,” Max says, as cryptically as she can. “Besides, I missed out on like… two years of Party sleepovers. Ergo, I deserve to pick out our first party game.”

“She’s got a point there, Mike,” Lucas remarks, and Max grins. She can always count on Lucas to side with her, even if her point is a stupid one. God, Max loves him. “And what’s the harm in playing spin the bottle?”

“Maybe I don’t want to kiss you guys,” Mike says stubbornly.

“Okay, ouch,” Max says, pretending to be offended. “Is anyone else hurt by that? Anybody?”

“A little,” El says with a bit of a giggle. “But it is okay. I do not want to kiss you either, Mike. You are a lousy kisser—”

“Hey!” Mike protests.

“I still vote we play though,” El adds. “I have never played spin the bottle.”

“Me either,” Dustin agrees. “I mean, it could be fun. And it’s not like our kisses mean anything.”

“Dude, why are you winking?” Mike gripes. “You do realize that implies the exact opposite of what you just said?”

“No, Mike,” Dustin says sarcastically. “I was just winking for the hell of it.”

Before Mike can say anything else, Max jumps back into the conversation. “Well, if Dustin’s on board with the game, then we’re playing,” she says simply. “Because even if Will votes with you, Mike, the four of us want to play. So. Party rule and all that shit. Sorry.”

Mike lets out an exasperated groan. “Why did we agree to let you in our party?”

“Because I saved your lives from my asshole brother and immediately established myself as the third coolest Party member,” Max says cheerfully, and she reaches for the empty Coke bottle sitting by her side. “First coolest is El, in case you were wondering. Second coolest is Will, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Lucas agrees. “And you are third coolest, but I think I’m fourth.”

“Hey now,” Dustin starts to protest, but before he can say anything else, Max turns towards Lucas and nods.

“No, you’re right,” she chuckles. “Then, it’s Dustin, and then Mike.”

“Hey!” Mike protests. “Why am I last?”

“You really want me to answer that question?”

A beat passes.

Then, another.

And another.

“He doesn’t know what to say, does he?” Max asks dryly.

“Nope,” El answers. “He’s currently pouting to Will.”

“Oh, good, Will’s still here. He hasn’t talked in a while, so I was beginning to think he left.”

“I’m still here,” Will says with a small laugh. “Just quiet.”

“Mm, quiet is not going to work for me, Byers,” Max tsks, and she sets the Coke bottle in what she believes should be the middle of the circle. “Alright, if I’m way off, someone make sure the bottle is in the middle. Who wants to go first?”

“I’ll go!” El says cheerfully. “I want to try it. What do I do?”

“Oh, you just spin the bottle, El,” Dustin explains. “Then, whoever it lands on, you have to kiss.”

“We won’t make you kiss Will though,” Lucas adds. “That’d be weird since you guys are technically siblings now.”

“Oh, thank God,” Will sighs.

“Yeah, Indiana’s bad, but we’re not Alabama,” Max chuckles. “Anyways, El, you ready?”

“Ready,” El says, and the next thing Max knows, she hears the familiar sound of the glass bottle spinning on the wood floor. The noise goes on for a little bit longer; then, finally, it stops. “Oh, it’s Dustin. Okay!”

“Sorry, Suzie-Poo,” Dustin says with a dramatic sigh, and Max scrunches her nose. She hears her friend shift, presumably moving towards each other. It’s followed by the briefest little kissing sound; then, El sits back down beside Max.

“That was easy,” El remarks. “Max, it is your turn now.”

“Cool.” Max grins, and she reaches for the bottle. Once again, it spins and spins and spins, before finally, it stops. “Alright, friends don’t lie. Who do I have to kiss?”

“Me,” comes Will’s voice. He laughs, a bit nervous. 

“Aw, Byers!” Max laughs, holding out her hand. “Cute. C’mere.”

“Here I come,” Will says with a laugh of his own, and before Max knows it, Will gives her a chaste little kiss. 

“Thank you,” Max says cheerfully, leaning back. “See, Mike? Kissing people in this game’s not that bad. We’re all adults, and we’ve all kissed people before.”

“Technically, you’re the only one of us who’s eighteen,” Mike points out. “And… I don’t know if all of us have kissed people before.”

The room goes silent, and Max’s brow furrows. “Wait… who hasn’t…”

Her voice trails off, and Max’s jaw drops open. She turns her head in the direction she’d heard Will’s voice earlier. “Holy shit, Will, was that your first kiss?”

Once again, the room goes silent. It’s all the confirmation Max needs.

“I don’t count,” Max reassures, waving her hand absently. “You don’t like girls, so I’m just like… a practice dummy.”

A little laugh escapes Will’s lips. “And if I kiss one of the guys tonight?” he asks dryly. “Does that count?”

“Mm, depends on who you kiss,” Max replies with a smirk. “Anyways, Lucas, it’s your turn.”

“Got it,” Lucas says, and he reaches for the bottle, spinning it in a circle. Once again, the bottle spins for a while; then, the room goes silent. “Alright, El, you up for another kiss?”

Beside her, El laughs. “Why not?” she asks, clearly unbothered by this. She shifts, presumably moving towards Lucas, and Lucas shifts, presumably going to meet El in the middle.

Again, a little kissing sound fills the silence in the room, and Max claps, a dry smile on her face. “Congrats on your kiss,” she says with a chuckle. “I hope you both enjoyed it.”

“Not bad,” El remarks.

“Not bad at all,” Lucas agrees. 

“Jealous,” Max deadpans. “Okay. Whose turn is it? Mike?”

Across the circle, Mike groans. “Do I have to?”

“Yes,” everyone else responds in perfect unison. 

“Don’t be a bad sport, Wheeler,” Lucas scolds.

“It is just a game,” El adds.

“Seriously,” Max says dryly. “I mean, honestly… is there someone you just don’t want to kiss here?”

“You,” Mike deadpans.

“Ooh, good. The sentiment is shared.” Max smirks. “Or maybe there is someone you want to kiss… you just don’t want to admit it.”

Mike goes silent again.

Bingo.

Before Max can make another comment, the sound of the bottle spinning on the floor fills the silence, and Max gently bumps her shoulder against El’s, hoping her best friend understands what she’s saying. The bottle spins and spins and spins; then, finally, the room goes quiet again.

Nobody says a word.

“Okay, well someone has to tell me who it landed on,” Max complains. “Hello? Did you all forget that I literally cannot see?”

Someone—Mike, Max thinks—gulps quietly. “It’s, um… it’s Will,” he says, and oh yeah, he definitely sounds nervous now.

“Okay.” Max shrugs. “So, kiss Will.”

“Well, I don’t want to be his first kiss if he doesn’t want me to be!”

“Oh, Jesus,” Max groans. “So, ask him then.”

The room goes silent. Again.

Max facepalms, and she turns towards Will now. “Will, do you mind if Mike is your first kiss?”

…

…

…

“Dude, seriously, you have to say something,” Max reminds, waving her hand in front of her eyes. “Yes or no: Mike Wheeler is your first kiss. If you say no, then we’ll let Mike spin again. I’m not that mean.”

For a brief moment, Will is quiet again. Then, finally, he says in a small voice, “U-um… yeah, that’s… that’s fine. Sure.”

Max fights the urge to grin. El bumps her shoulder lightly, as if to say, We did it, and Max damn near laughs aloud.

“Okay, cool,” Max says, as casually as she can. “Have at it, then.”

The sound of people moving towards each other fills the silence, and someone takes a deep breath. Then, the room goes still and quiet.

For… several moments.

The room remains silent, and Max blinks, leaning towards her own boyfriend. “Are they still kissing?” she whispers.

“Yeah,” Lucas whispers back. “They, uh… they are. It’s really awkward.”

“Glad I can’t see it then.”

“Lucky you.”

Finally, someone pulls away, and every other member of the Party sighs in relief. Max whistles lowly. “Alright, then,” she says with a smug smile. “How’s that for a first kiss, Byers?”

“Um, good!” Will squeaks—like actually squeaks. His voice is about an octave higher than normal, and Will clears his throat. “I mean… yeah. It was… it was good.”

“And Wheeler?” Max turns her head towards her other best friend, and she makes sure to plaster her biggest grin on her face. “How was what I’m assuming was your first kiss with a dude? Did you like it? Are you glad we played spin the bottle now?”

Once again, Max doesn’t get a response for her questions, and once again, the silence is a confirmation of exactly what she’s thinking. 

Perfect. If Mike is thinking about his kiss with Will and if he enjoyed it, then they’ll definitely get together soon. Her plan is foolproof, and Max is a genius.

So, with a smirk on her face, Max leans back, tilting her head towards where Dustin should be sitting. “Alright, Dustin,” Max says cheerfully. “Your turn!”

Dustin’s little laugh breaks through the silence, and it’s quickly followed by the sound of the bottle spinning. It lands on Lucas, and neither of them throw a fit about it, thank God. With those two, it’s honestly hit or miss.

Then, Dustin hands the bottle to Will, and Max smirks, leaning her head on her hand and listening to the bottle spinning. She imagines El probably won’t interfere again, though if she did, she thinks it’ll be funny.

The bottle stops, and Max sits up. “So, who gets to kiss Will?”

For a moment, no one responds.

Then, El answers, “It… landed on Mike again.”

There’s a certain smugness in her tone, and Max fights back her laughter. It sounds like El definitely did rig the game again, and God, that’s even better. Having a best friend with superpowers is amazing.

“Okay, well ground rules here for everyone’s mental health,” Max says dryly. “If you’re going to make out with each other, please just do it in a place where the seeing members of the Party don’t have to watch. We promise we’ll only make fun of you two a little bit.”

“Or a lot,” Lucas mutters.

“Or a lot,” Max agrees. “But either way, you can—”

“Hey, Will,” Mike blurts out, cutting Max off.

A beat passes.

Then, Will tentatively says, “...Yeah?”

“You want to get some fresh air?” Mike asks hurriedly.

Again, a beat passes.

“Yep,” Will answers, just as rushed. “Fresh air sounds great.”

The two of them scramble to their feet, and before Max knows it, she hears the sound of two sets of footsteps running up the basement stairs. The remaining four Party members are left in total silence, and Max reaches for the glass bottle.

“They’re going upstairs to make out, aren’t they?” she deadpans.

“Yep,” El answers.

“Absolutely,” Dustin confirms.

“100%,” Lucas agrees.

“Great.” Max falls backwards onto the floor, and she lets out a satisfied little sigh. “My work here is done. Good job, El.”

“Thank you, thank you,” El says, and she falls back, lying on the floor with her. “I like this game. We should play it more often.”

Max can’t help but laugh, and she gently bumps her best friend’s shoulder. “Someone’s eager to kiss their friends,” she teases, and El just joins in with her laughter.

“I have kissed everyone but you and Will now,” she says, sounding a bit smug. “And I don’t plan to kiss my brother any time soon.”

“Again, we’re not in Alabama,” Max chuckles, and she sits up, grabbing the Coke bottle. “But hey, if you want to kiss me, now would be the time.”

Once again, a little laugh escapes El’s lips; then, she reaches for the bottle, spinning it. The glass bottle spins and spins and spins until it comes to a stop, and Max smiles teasingly. “Who’d it land on?”

“It is a surprise,” El whispers. 

Then, without another word, El leans in and kisses her.

The kiss is short, but it’s still electrifying—in a similar but also different way from how her first kiss with Lucas had been. And… look, Max doesn’t really know what that means for her, and maybe now isn’t the time to figure it out…

But that’s definitely a question she’ll be revisiting later.

[textualviolence]

um what else am i currently or have ever been ashamed of or felt pressure to disavow ummm...

i liked good omens both seasons. Writing on season two couldve been better but those two actors have good chemistry & comedic timing its entertaining to watch them on screen and the little cringe love story did tug at my heartstrings a little like i do care what happens to them.

I was also very much a bbc sherlock fan during the peak of tjlc and i believed in it with all my heart and when the last episode of s4 came out i was in denial for 4 months and then i pretended id never heard of the show in my life for the following few years...hbomberguy made a whole video calling me a stupid idot loser for falling for it and it felt like a knife to the heart. & you know what i rewatched it recently with a lightened soul & no karmic debt & now recognize the pain behind the vitriol cause he was clearly also a disappointed fan though i could not see that at the time. maybe not tjlc who's to say but he loved bbc sherlock & hated himself for that once the last episode came out and we all realised it was bad its pretty obvious in the way he talks about steven moffat like an ex-lover who betrayed him. But i think its not even bad i still like it ill rewatch it and have a good time,

and yes i am a johnlock shipper. those ugly british men have a handle on my psyché though with the shifting tides im feeling like i would enjoy a wider range of pairings and themes from that show. I am generally very susceptible to outside influence when it comes to these things its part of why i find it hard to ignore when the trends oscillate wildly between loving something absolutely and hating it with a passion i find it very tiring because i feel it in my heart as if the urge came from the inside...sometimes something is just okay and its okay to like it an average amount without having to wildly overcorrect to atone for having liked it more than it deserved. maybe i was too intense about bbc sherlock and got my heart broken even though it was obvious i was projecting something that was not there on a cryptic blank screen, and so it is mostly my own fault but i don't have to hate myself for it either its all fine.

Loving something a little too much and being heartbroken when you realise it wasn't actually what you thought is painful but its part of life its not something to bury into the earth its fine....and im uncool to the extreme ive never been cool not once in my life im sort of embarrassing in most of the things i do and say and thats okay too i don't have to change because i can't anyways and besides its not hurting anyone. I'm literally a theater kid and theres something very freeing about being in the middle of a gaggle of nerds well sort of like being a tumblr blogger but the two balance each other out. I can't be cool on here because im a theater kid to my core in real life in the hamilton fan sort of way and i can't be cool in really life because im literally a tumblrina of the superwholock variety and in both there is a kind of peace and relief knowing that i will never have to be cool and am always lamer than most people around me at least in my heart of hearts...

[sankttealeaf]

begging and pleading for a some modern rue/gortash 🙏🙏

HERE TO DELIVER THE GOODS!!

they first get in contact because rue comments a death threat under one of his posts and he's instantly captivated by her rancid vibes (sends a very formal dm to her too about it) karlach, gortash's pr manager, has a breakdown over him using his public account for such things (shes overworked and is looking for a new job. please someone hire her)

their first scandal comes hours after they meet for coffee, someone tags them in a post and suddenly everyones wanting to know the mysterious woman grand duke candidate gortash is seeing (rue hops on the trend immediately and takes a picture with him to send to news outlets everywhere)

she emails him a lot and the subject line is always a form of "hot singles in your area"

soooo much flirting via messages. i have a thing written up where theyre talking and rue tells him she'll brb. half an hour later she messages again like "sorry. saw a snake and took a shower lol want to see" and gortash, thinking hes going to see a picture of a snake, agrees.

it is not a snake at all.

rue turns up to his house one evening and doesnt leave for 3 days. (she found his address "online")

her social media page is full of pictures of them. she writes smutty fanfics and pretends she found it online to show him

gortash makes jokes about killing off his political opponents and suddenly they start turning up sick or injured. rue sends cryptic messages about it but slips up one day and sends him a selfie as she stands over a dead body. justgirlythings

as for the actual fic im writing for this, chapter 1 is titled "death threats mean nothing when you're a politician (it's part of the job)" and chapter 2 is "flirting with your interviewer won't guarentee you a job (unless you're being interviewed by enver gortash)" its such a silly idea. i tried to think too hard about it but decided its more suited to just being almost a crack fic. i need them to be stupid together. i need rue to accidentally livestream them sleeping together. i need orin to spam gortash's inbox the moment she finds out that he and rue are together, sending threats to his life

[batmanshole]

omg wait tell me more about ur ocs... :O

SMILES IN HEREE!!!!! ok so i have like. several universes. buttercup and rika are florists who are like. cow girl hybrids? (sorta based on the moobloom + moolip from minecraft) and they are dating.

ive written a post about unnamed dilf / milf / secretary / winona before but i cannot find it. essentially dilf and milf are dating and also work high up in the mob (?) and then milf realizes shes a lesbian and tells dilf and hes kind of sad but hes a good guy so hes like ok. what can i do to support you? and shes like idk 👍 im leaving the country tho bye. and she goes and she meets her secretary and theyre evil and kill together Lesbian Style. but uh oh! she had a cryptic pregnancy (didnt show much + assumed other symptoms were stress from new country) so now shes 8 months pregnant and is like fuck i dont even vibe with this baby like at all. but she knows dilf always wanted a kid so she shows up at his house after the baby is born and is like hiii. heres your kid. ok back to lesbian sex and murder byeeee. and hes like what the fuck! okay! but hes a REALLY good dad. hes still an intimidating mob boss but he has a baby that he loves a lot. winona is the babysitter and the baby likes her a lot.

ive also written a post about lydia / john / daphne before but essentially. john is a shitty husband and cares more about work than his wife (lydia). lydia is fed up with this and also in love with his secretary (daphne). so she and daphne plot to kill him and run away together.

darryl is like if a demon was a hot older guy and also was forced to do Demonic Paperwork all the time while he and his assistant (june) try to capture an angel (none of them want this arrangement so the three of them pretend to fight tom and jerry style then go out for drinks)

hans is my curent fav oc and my BABYGIRL. hes a serial killer hes tall as fuck and hes very quiet hes also german and the worlds biggest service top. his gf is like a foot and a half shorter than him and super cute but she wears the pants. scariest man on the planet gets dommed by tiny cute girl? more at 7.

i dont have much sorted out about the executioner / knight / princess trio but essentially they all love eachother very much and the knight and executioner are not afraid to get their hands dirty for the princess.

ophelia and the nameless evil being are pretty underdevelopped too but essentially. evil being (he/it) who doesn't have a name and has been around for a long time and is scary as fuck meets girl who has problems but isnt afraid of him and is nice to it once and its like ohhh okay. well i will protect you with my life now. meanwhile shes like STOP KILLING PLEASE >:( and hes like :( but- and then she rolls her eyes. he does not understand that deer carcasses are not gifts most humans enjoy (it has no idea what humans eat.)

[inyourwildestdreams22]

Hmm even Tom solo pap pics they don't usually post (like the golf ones with the purple jacket a couple months ago, I didn't see that many stans post it, at least on Twitter)

Since Tom went on a little rant about fame/paps/the Paris "incident" I feel like most of them are being cautious when Tom is involved because he made it clear it makes him upset. Whereas Z has been doing this for years and never complained (when it's just pics of herself on and about). She even post them sometimes (her birthday dinner for example). Like that one time she went to Target with slippers and makeup-free and without her hair done, she then made a whole story laughing about it saying "I was not prepared sis give me a second", so her fandom has always been comfortable posting pap pics of her. When Tom or her family isn't in the picture she seems fine with it

PSA : Im not defending that reasoning, I think pap pics are pap pics either way and I'm on Tomdaya tumblr so I clearly dgaf lmao, but since I've been on both apps for years I feel like that's their thought process behing it

Lol no offence but that makes no sense, by that train of thought Z liked the rants on insta about not sharing the pap pics too. They are just hypocrites imo, they wanna pretend they care about their privacy but they come to tumblr to consumme whatever content and then post cryptic tweets about how cute they look or whatever.

[thegirltony]

update

hey sorry it’s been a minute. things have been kinda crazy. idk. my mom says she’s worried about me. she thinks im not eating enough. or like leaving my room enough. it’s not that i don’t want to. i just have no reason to. i have no reason to.

i can’t keep going to school. i’m tired of the lights, the people, the stares, the everything. but maybe i’m just tired. i’ve also stopped sleeping i guess. i can’t keep dreaming. i hate falling asleep, there’s no control in that. every time i close my eyes i feel like i’m dying. i am dead, aren’t i? my dreams are just little tastes of hell, coming up and reminding me of what lies ahead. what i deserve.

there’s either nothing, or dreams. i don’t know which is worse. i shouldn’t hate the nothing, it’s nothing. but the not being conscious, not being in control, scares me. or i dream. i dream and i dream and i dream and i dream. i’ve tried doing the tricks to be lucid, but they never work. i just see . you know. it’s the same one every time. she keeps looking at me, wherever i am. i wake up, drenched in sweat, then i see her again. i wake up so many times in those dreams. i can only tell if i’m awake if my stomach hurts. the hunger is the only thing keeping me alive. but i can’t complain. i really, truly can’t.

i’m either in bed or the bath. i close my eyes and pretend i’m back at the lake. in the dreams, the lake rebirths me, cleans me. but i step out and i’m dirty again, it’s back again and it’s all over me again. she’s all over me again.

sorry if i’m being cryptic. these few weeks have been hard. tal was right about needing an outlet, i guess. when hasn’t she been?

there is so much wrong with me its almost hard to count. i don’t know why i feel like this. why i keep feeling like this. this is also so embarrassing and cringey and god so middle school. every single thought i have makes me want to rip my fucking head off. i hate living like this. i hate living in this body. i hate this body. my legs are short and fat and stubby and i have the most disgusting kankles. my fingers are short and meaty. my boobs go off in different directions and my nipples are ovular and so fucking big. my neck and chin are full of fat like my face where my eyes are so far apart. my nose is obtuse and bumpy and my teeth are crooked and yellow. and god my stomach. its so fucking large and round and disgusting and im a 33 and i used to be a 29 and now look at me. like a 29 is even good. and i want to blame this all on my birth control or growing up or whatever but does it even matter. i look like this. i walk around and talk and eat and exist like this. people look at me like this. or maybe they don’t.

it has to be my fault. there isnt any other way. i want to move away from everything and go to college and start over but i know that i’ll miss you. i don’t want to fade away from you. and i know i already have. thats the worst part. i know its too late. i know you’re gone.

[oinkgoesthecat]

I've decided to type out a rant as if I'm talking to Sheik. Enjoy this dramatic reading where I imagine he's just watching me pace bewildered and mildly amused and maybe a little concerned.

I'm so good damned frustrated! I don't even know how to put it into words honestly. I've spent so long thinking about this moment but the moment I have it my first instinct is to push it away and smile and giggle pretend everything is fine because that's always I always do! I'm not allowed to not be fine! I never have been! If I'm not fine then it's somehow my fault. I'm not allowed to be upset because 15 years of my narcissistic stepmother taught me that it's my fault for being upset about things. And if I point out that I am upset she was allowed to point out all the ways I'm a failure and maybe I need a medication increase! Medication I didn't even need because I was so horribly misdiagnosed! I wasn't a bad kid I was just an autistic teenager! But I want to learn to be upset! I want to express that I'm unhappy with how someone is treating me! But I can't! And you! When I tried expressing I was upset you visibly shut down and left! I just wanted to explain why I was upset! I just wanted to hear you say you understand and that my upsetness was valid! If you had given me a few more minutes I would have been okay. I was panicked a little by how much information you revealed because I tend to be intensely private. Just because I'm insanely honest with you doesn't mean I'm honest with anyone else! I have 2 people in my life that know some semblance of what going on with me and it's kind of killing me, which is wild because I'm so used to be secrets wrapped in more secrets. But this one, this plan to leave, is killing me. I know I can't say anything until I have few more things in place but I'm dying a little inside pretending everything is fine. You expected honestly from me and now thats all I want! Which isn't fair because Im not convinced I get it from you. I don't know what I have to do to convince you that I fucking care about you, and actually want to know what you're thinking! I barely know how to interact with you half the time! You don't follow any of scripts and you're so hard to read! Every text I send feels risky because I'm not sure how you will react! You don't follow any of my flow charts of conversation and it's frustrating. Because I don'thave social skills, I don't know how to interact with people. But none of my little tricks to pretend I do work with you. I don't know who you want me to be. You're so hot and cold. One moment you're telling me how have to protect me and kissing me and I have to admit really liked when you kissed me and keep thinking about way too fucking often. And the next your leaving with a cryptic message about taking solace in the fact its not my fault. I have no idea what any of it means anymore. No matter whatever the fuck is happening at this point I know you are my friend. I want you to be my friend. I'm doing the hardest thing I have ever done and Im about to loose so much. I desperately need my friends. Please don't decide you don't want to be my friend because I'm too much. This rant was a lot but somehow it's not all my thoughts, just a lot of them

[dissolving-mansion]

I posted 479 times in 2022

That's 340 more posts than 2021!

153 posts created (32%)

326 posts reblogged (68%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dissolving-mansion

@elias-rights

@sofarraway

@lonelybeuys

@lazy-toad

I tagged 455 of my posts in 2022

Only 5% of my posts had no tags

#08 - 107 posts

#tma - 95 posts

#malevolent podcast - 56 posts

#dissolving chats - 55 posts

#rb 08 - 51 posts

#malevolent - 43 posts

#arthur lester - 33 posts

#strangers from hell - 29 posts

#mjjw - 29 posts

#08 malevolent - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#additionally. im very worried. because i know for a fact arthur will survive and the amount of deaths he's mysteriously survived is getting-

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Wouldn't it be romantic? To be destroyed by the very monster you created?

227 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#4

I love shipping Jon in the TMA fandom because his potential love interests are this:

Guy who was only marginally worse at his Job than Jon was at his own (because he let an animal into the archives). Whenever he sees something he doesn't like he embodies the "I do not see it" meme. Man who is against crime until he personally dislikes the person the crime is being committed against, then it's fine. Bonded with Jon via shared trauma. Thinks Jon is incapable of making his own decisions. Spent most of his life lonely and bitter and without any 0 external or supernatural causes for this. Makes nice tea tho.

Guy who hates Jon because hating Elias would be even more pointless. Was stalked by Jon. Went from expressing fair negative criticisms and Jon not listening to expressing unfair negative criticisms and Jon listening too much. Lost the people he cared about to the thing that eventually destroyed him. More qualified for archival work than the rest of the team and simply because his publishing career gave him the mystical ability to spot errors. Only interaction with cops was sleeping with them for information so he took one look at Jon and Basira and was like "getting a lot of sleeping with cops for information vibes here". Heartbreaking last line before he went on his kayaking trip.

Girl who tried to murder him even after he thought he had tried to talk her out of it. Spent like a year looking at him and thinking "prey". Knife. Was a cop. In the camp of "Jon shouldn't have an opinion, actually, he should shit up." Often held up in comparison to Jon to make him look bad but she just honestly wants to do better. Has traumatic things on common with Jon. Werewolf. Presumably hot tho.

Not-a-guy that has stabbed Jon. Gives good advice in extremely cryptic ways like some kind of fortune teller. Has the skin texture of leather, apparently. A liar but honest about it. Has saved Jon and company on multiple occasions but did so in the creepiest and most villainous ways possible. Wanted to kill Jon. Had revenge fantasies that only involved Jon because he was Alive and There. Also wanted to be Known by Jon, a factor that may have contributed to its death. Died for wanting something clearly and without deceit.

Man who is way more dramatic and evil than he pretends to be. Makes puns that are only funny weeks later when you finally get them. Owns evil contracts. Hired the two people he knew would be most incompetent at archival work for archival work. Gave Jon a bed?? When Jon is stressed he concludes that the solution is More Work. Thinks being human is overrated. So terrified of being a victim that he victimized literally everybody else. "Grinning freak". Lying liar man. Same sense of humor and communication style as Jon tho.

Goth who comes across like a protagonist. Burns cursed books. Could have esaily been a bad person but chose to be good instead. Loathes saving people but begrudgingly does it anyway. Spent his entire life following the orders of old women who scare people. A book appraiser who would be shocked and upset by Jonathan "I only ever read a book once" Sims. Deserves a nap. Unfortunately, he died before Jon could meet him.

Jon is suffering.

389 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

#3

Things to compare your eldritch horror love to:

Static in your ears and at the back of your eyes

Ice-cream pain, a pain digging inside you and spreading out

A mouth that tastes like blood

Seeing something move out of the corner of your eye but it's gone by the time you check

Deja vu, the feeling that this is a memory on repeat

A bruise you don't remember how you got

A live wire

The smell of ozone

The dreamy isolation of being at a gas station at night, where the rest of the world seems to fall away, as if swallowed by the darkness

That lurch in your whole body when you lose your footing

Machines that behave like vital organs; pump fluid like a heart; pull in air like a diaphragm and a set of lungs.

The smell of sulphur

Walking into a room that is far too hot and wondering where the heat is coming from

The way the sky lingers on your skin after it has rained

Dust motes floating in the sun spots

The feeling of being in a large underground pool, all alone

407 notes - Posted August 28, 2022

#2

Melanie: why are girls so hot?

Martin: why are boys so hot?

Tim: why is everybody so hot?

[tape recorder clicks on]

Archivist: global warming

460 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I love how the cosmic horror genre contains works like 'The King in Yellow' and 'Uzumaki'... And then we have things like 'The Lego Movie' and 'Horton Hears a Who'.

943 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[volcalder]

@grimomens: (a rare and elusive Mildew!)

ja hej

[galacticlamps]

gotta say, while I don’t love the fact that I’ve been especially busy & stressed out with work & irl stuff lately, I did pick a good time for it with all this new doctor who news - bc I know I’ve only had the chance to see a tiny fraction of all the reactions to it so far, and frankly I’m already kinda tired of hearing it all - even for the stuff I like/think I’ll like! it’s also great for helping me keep my mouth shut bc I do have a lot of thoughts, but probably none that I’d feel confident expressing clearly without writing a much longer post than i have the time & energy to make

[patron-saint-of-emesis]

i’ve taken a stance called “no matter how anxious i am, unless someone literally tells me verbatim there is a problem, i will assume there is no problem” and tbh its been helping

[sunphroggy]

alright I have an au idea that im about to badly explain but it's a little strange so stick with me.

I call it: 'The Parent Trap but Opposite' au

So picture this: Tommy is Phil's only child, right. His mother died in childbirth so for his entire eight years of life its just been him and Phil. And that's fine, that's great, he loves it. Tommy doesn't want another addition to the family, it would only screw everything up.

That being said, Phil is lonely. Don't get him wrong, he loves his son and loves spending time with him, but he misses the feeling of being in love. He misses his wife.

Enter, Kristen.

They meet on a blind date, set up by a friend from Phil's work, and hit it off instantly. Months pass and Phil wants to propose.

One problem though. He hasnt told Tommy about it. He hasn't even introduced Kristen to him.

So what better way to merge both families that a holiday?

(I should probably say here that Kristen also has children. Take a wild guess who they are.)

Tommy is all for a holiday. Two weeks at a fancy ass hotel with room service, an arcade and a pool? Sign him up!

That is until, he finds out that Kristen and her boys will be joining them.

Enter, Wilbur and Techno.

(They're about fourteen. Their parents are divorced and, unlike Tommy, they knew Kristen was seeing Phil. They alse know that Phil is gonna propose - well, it's just a hunch)

Phil, god bless him, tries his hardest to get Tommy to warm up to Kristen, Wilbur and Techno. He plans all these activities and takes them all shopping, to the beach, to waterparks ect. But Tommy just won't take to them; he doesn't mind Kristen but Wilbur and Techno are weird, they keep making these cryptic comments about how they're going to be seeing eachother a lot in the future and Tommy just does not understand.

That is, until they decide to let Tommy in on the obvious.

Tommy, as expected, is in denial. Because there's no way his dad would do something like that without telling him first. Besides, Phil doesn't need to get married, they're perfectly happy just the two of them.

There's just no way.

Right?

Wrong.

Because Tommy is a curious little shit and he ransacks his and Phil's hotel room in search for the ring. He doesn't find it, of course, because Phil is used to Tommy's little raccoon tactics and hid it properly. But when he comes back from dinner with Kristen to a destroyed room and a confused Tommy, he decides to tell him the truth.

Needless to say Tommy has a fit. One moment, he's happy; just him and dad, living life. And then this lady and her shitty sons come along and fucks that up

(I imagine the conversation being something like:

Phil: Yeah im gonna propose Kristen

Tommy, inhaling deeply: *screams*

And then it would proceed to reinact that once scene from Steven universe with ruby and sapphire like-

phil: he'll eventually tire himself out :'D

Tommy, making even more of a mess than he already has: that's what you think! I am an eternal flame baby!! >:(

Yeah.)

Tommy, ever the drama queen, storms to Wilbur and Techno - who are like "we told you so :/" - and the three of them (because Techno and Wilbur also do not want this little racoon gremlin hybrid in their home either) team up and plan to ruin the proposal. The only problem, they don't know when Phil is gonna actually propose.

And this...this is where the hijinks and shenanigans ensue.

They just like, constantly ruin Phil and Kristen's date nights with their dumb shit.

(I'm thinking shit like the three of them stacked on each others shoulders in a trench coat pretending to be a waiter at the hotel restaurant Phil and Kristen are eating at and constantly spilling drinks and food of them whenever it looks like Phil is about to pop the question; following them on walks under the stars, hiding in bushes with binoculars and making birds attack them; tackling Phil into the pool ect. ect. ect.)

But, plot twist, while pulling off these epic plans, the three of them...bond! Dun dun dunnnnn!!! Wilbur and Techno actually grow to like Tommy and think "Hey, maybe this kid ain't so bad" so they back out on the plans and try to convince Tommy to do the same. He won't.

(Meanwhile, Phil is just wondering why all his proposal attempts have gone so fucking wrong like???)

Anyways, fast forward. Its the last day of their holiday the two families go out for dinner. Its nice, they're having a good time, Kristen is chatting away to Tommy about Minecraft and Tommy is happy to tell her all about his favourite game. And then, Phil clears his throat.

He starts talking about Kristen and how happy he makes her, and Tommy can tell what's coming the moment Phil reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small black box. And, in a final attempt to keep the life he has, Tommy snatches the box out of Phil's hand and fucking runs.

He runs right out of the restaurant, ignoring everyone calling after him, and doesn't stop running until he's on the beach, where he hides. And he cries. He cries because his dad is gonna replace him with Techno and Wilbur, and he misses his mum even though he never met her, and because this he knows that stealing a ring and running away isn't gonna stop this proposal from happening, and because the only family dynamic he knows is going to change and he isn't ready for that. And it's just a big angst moment.

And then some fluff.

Kristen finds him hidden by the rocks, and Tommy quickly pretends he wasn't just crying bc he's a big man and shit like that. He half expects her to immediately call for Phil and then for Phil to disown him, but instead she sits with him.

She asks if he's OK and when he doesnt answer her she just goes on talking about random things as if Tommy didn't just ruin their entire holiday (about shit like how she thought the cake at the restaurant was too dry and about the stars and different constellations and she even continues asking him about minecraft) and Tommy, after a while, talks back to her.

They talk for a while, arguing about the best Minecraft block (Tommy wholeheartedly defending cobblestone like his life depends on it) until eventually Kristen asks why he did what he did. And Tommy explains everything (that can basically be summed up in "I'm scared of change")

It's just a wholesome moment really. They're just sitting behind a bunch of rocks, Tommy is spilling his guts and Kristen is just listening. And at then end of it she's there to give him a big hug.

(I imagine Tommy saying that one cliche line "please don't hurt my dad" and Kristen being like "I wouldn't dream of it" and then Tommy gives her the ring box)

But yeah, happy ending! Phil proposes to Kristen on the beach and it's all happy and nice and cool and Tommy, Techno and Wilbur watch and Techno starts crying a little bc he's so happy for his mum.

...

I came up with this last night when I couldn't sleep.