#i like to imagine they're coming back from a case in the early morning and they're shyly complimenting each other saying how well they did

[mayhasopinions]

a peaceful walk

[ssahotchnerr]

Aaron coming back from long cases with a bouquet for you and little girl Hotchner 😭🖤 her bouquet may just be a few stems from yours but it means the world to you. He won’t hand you the bouquet the way he buys it either, he’ll trim the stems and put it in a vase!!!

unconditional

omg stop 😭 i can't get enough of girl dad!aaron i just can't cw; fluff <3

when you wake up, aaron's fast asleep next to you.

the prior night when you went to bed, you were alone - just as you have been for the past, almost two weeks. a case has kept your aaron away from you and time since then has gone achingly slow - almost painful.

he looks adorable, with his face smushed into his pillow, his thick hair disheveled and the comforter pulled all the up to his chin. although you have the desperate urge to throw your arms around him for being gone for far too long, you let him sleep. he needs it; it seems as if he never nearly gets enough, and from his heavy sleep-tainted breaths, you can only imagine how exhausted he must've felt before succumbing to. after pressing the gentlest of kisses to his forehead, you quietly slide out of bed.

you first peek your head into jack's room, checking on him. it's early, and as you figured, he's still off in dreamland. since it happens to be saturday - no school and no morning soccer practice this week - like his father, you let him sleep.

when you peer into your daughter's room next, she's awake, standing up in her crib and her hands holding onto the rail. she grins at the sight of you, letting out a small squeal in excitement. with a smile on your face, you shush her as you approach, her pitch high enough to wake up the boys if continued.

when you finally trail into the kitchen, with baby girl hoisted on your hip and set on getting her breakfast started, you fall short in your tracks, your heart immediately warming at what you find.

on the counter, there's a bouquet of the prettiest flowers you swear you've ever seen. they're even extremely similar to the flowers you held on your wedding day, walking down the aisle towards aaron. it's a memory you'll never forget, and wish you could relive over and over again - aaron smiling from ear to ear, teary-eyed, looking as handsome as ever in a tuxedo. luckily, that's what photos are for.

besides it, is a smaller, glass cup. it's filled with a few flowers from your bunch; the matching display is only a bit smaller, notably for your daughter. aaron even took the extra time to trim them before he went to bed, so they're not towering out, or is the weight of gravity pulling the petals down towards the surface of the counter.

and for jack, who wouldn't be as thrilled receiving flowers, there's a mini lego set - a small car to be put together.

the sweet gesture causes a swirl of emotions within you - aaron, as exhausted as he was and despite how late he returned, still took the time to show his unconditional love for you, and for both children.

you couldn't picture a more perfect start to the weekend, or a more perfect life.

[shhhsecretsideblog]

They had been trying for a baby for a while, when finally she was looking at a positive test. Unfortunately, there was only one time it could have happened. A bit too much to drink, a few confessions that she'd sometimes thought about her husbands best friend in some of her more intimate fantasies, and just like that his little secret had taken root in her belly.

She was excited to be a mom, but can't bring herself to tell her husband she's expecting. Hiding her bump as best she can, not letting herself be intimate with him in case he noticed her beautiful changing body, how firm and heavy her belly had gotten. She has a plan. Give birth in secret where he won't find out, and then claim someone left the baby there. "Probably some teenager or something, can't imagine how she could raise it." Of course, since they're struggling to have one of their own, it's all but a sign. Of course they should take it in.

A perfect little plan for the eager mom to get out of her bad choice concequence free.

At least, it would be, if her waters hadn't broken in the shower, and the contractions were starting to get worse and worse, no matter how she tried to pretend otherwise and act like nothing was happening...

Extramarital Consequences

AN: I just wanted to write a short little rp drabble, but instead it comes out as a full scale 3k word fic. Thanks for the prompt MuchBirth, it was a great concept. Hope you like it. [fpreg, tw: vomit, tw: cheating]

“Are you alright in there, babe?” My husband's voice sounded through the bathroom door and I tried to swallow the groan that was sitting in my throat.

Why now, why today?! I had done so well concealing this pregnancy from everyone, thanks to the cold winter and the abundance of thick oversized jumpers and coats. And for the fact I was carrying a rather modest, if heavy, bump. Said bump had dropped in recent days and I had hoped the baby was merely getting prepared and wouldn’t be coming for another week when Daniel would be away on business. The baby, it seemed, had other ideas.

The contractions had started in the early hours and I laid beside my husband quietly breathing through each pain and praying it was just braxton hicks. But they just kept on coming. Every 40 minutes… every 30 minutes… and when they got down to 20 minutes apart I knew I had to move.

Hiding downstairs in the dark, I paced around our living room and kitchen as the contractions got closer together and more and more intense. Why couldn’t it have been a work day?! Daniel would leave the house early and I could labour and birth this baby in secret just as I’d planned. But it was Saturday and we were scheduled to go to a family event that afternoon. The heavy weight of the baby sitting low in my pelvis confirmed there was little-to-no chance of me making it to that party.

I paced around the downstairs of our town house until the early morning with its first glimpse of a rising sun filtering through the windows. Bracing myself against walls, tables, all manner of furniture, I spent hours swaying my hips through each agonising contraction that struck, praying they would eventually stop but they never did. I heard Daniel get out of bed and jump in the shower and I busied myself doing the dishes when he came downstairs. He looked at me curiously, seeing my sweaty and flushed face and asked if I was coming down with something. I assured him I was fine as he made his morning coffee, but soon had to twist back around to face the sink to hide the grimace on my face as another strong contraction barrelled its way through my womb. My hands gripped the counter in a white knuckle grip and it took everything I had not to whimper from the pain.

After assuring Daniel that I was alright, I disappeared quickly back upstairs and locked myself in the bathroom. I turned on the shower, the tiled room echoing the loud noise of the powerful jets, and allowed myself to groan deeply through the next contraction. They were less than 15 minutes apart and had the ability to steal my breath away. Gripping the sink and panting heavily, my mind began to spiral and panic. How the fuck was I going to keep this from Daniel?! We were struggling to conceive, if his discovered this pregnancy there would be no way I could pass this baby off as his. He would find out I slept with his best friend and my dream of a suburban family life would be destroyed. The baby sank lower in my hips and my knees dipped into a semi-squat from the increase in pressure. We were supposed to go to a party later, with family and friends, and Daniel would be by my side all day. But this baby was coming, soon if the pressure between my legs was any indication.

I stepped into the shower, attempting to ease the pain knifing at my lower back. Cupping my protruding belly I whispered a plea to the baby to stay put a while longer. I loved my pregnant body and was sad not to have shared this experience, to marvel at the incredible changes of pregnancy, with my partner. But there was an alluring excitement in keeping the baby secret - something just known by them and me. I couldn’t wait to meet the life I had been growing.

My thoughts tempted fate and the next contraction was soon upon me and I doubled over in the shower bracing my knees. The pressure between my thighs was building, the steaming hot water doing very little to ease the pain as it crested, my belly turning to stone and pushing everything downward. “Mnghhhhhhh!!” I grunted, involuntary, and almost dropped into a squat as the urgency built. No… baby, not now.

The water at my feet turned a pinkish murky colour and I knew from the release of pressure that my waters had just broken. Fuck.

When the contraction faded and my legs stopped shaking I carefully stepped out of the shower. Okay… my water’s broken but that doesn’t mean I’ve run out of time. I just need to think of a way of getting Daniel out of the house. I could feel the baby shift and kick within my womb, protesting the situation as much as I was, its head pressing eagerly against my cervix. “Hoooo… it’ll be okay little one. I promise— mnnnnhhhh…” Every breath, every word, that slipped past my lips now laced with a pained groan.

“Are you alright in there, babe?” Daniel asked from the other side of our bathroom door. I clamped my mouth shut and swallowed the involuntary noises from escaping.

“Nng— yeah— fine.” I somehow gritted. The weight and pressure pushing down in my pelvis was quickly making me nauseous.

“Are you sure? You weren’t looking too great downstairs.”

Damn him and his caring nature, just move away from the door before I scream! A contraction struck mere minutes after the last and I couldn’t stop the gasp as my belly visibly hardened and contorted inwards. The pressure was mounting, expanding like a balloon about to burst, my pelvis being shoved apart to make space for the large head that was pressing atop my cervix. I couldn’t breathe, the sensations overwhelming my senses, my stomach rolled and my throat gagged. I was going to be sick.

Dropping to my knees, naked on the floor, I hunched over the toilet bowl and promptly vomited the remnants of last night's dinner into the porcelain. My whole torso contracted in on itself in more ways than one and I completely lost all semblance of control. My taut belly, hardened by labour pains, convulsed and I heaved and coughed loudly. The force of throwing up also resulted in my womb squeezing against the bowling ball in my pelvis, bearing down on the already low head and pushing it into the birth canal.

“Oh sweetheart, are you sick?” Daniel asked through the door. “Let me in honey.”

“No, just— give me a minute…” I gruffed, laying my head in the crook of my elbow.

“We don’t have to go today if you’re not well. I can stay here and look after you.”

Hell no, that is the last thing I need. I asked him to get me some water from the kitchen, to buy me some precious time to gather myself. When the sickness passed I hesitantly put a hand between my legs… the baby so low it felt like it was about to fall out at any minute. I had pushed. I didn’t mean to, it was automatic. But still my body had pushed the baby lower towards its exit. Thankfully it was not as low as it felt as I couldn’t feel a head, but I knew it wouldn’t be long. Wrapping myself in a fluffy dressing gown and schooling as neutral a face as I could, I unlocked the door and greeted my husband as he brought me the requested water.

“I don’t think I’m going to go today, I feel like shit.” I said honestly, taking a sip and slowly walking towards our bed, careful not to waddle from the massive head lodged in my pelvis.

“It’s okay babes, we can cancel. I’ll call your parents.” Daniel offered, helping me to sit.

“No—” I said a little too quickly. “You- you can still go. I’ll just take it easy and s-sleep it off…” He looked at me curiously, trying to ascertain just how unwell I was and if I could be left alone. “Really,” I pleaded, “I’ll be fine. Go, have fun.”

“Well, if you’re sure.”

“I am. Really—mmhh…” My hands clenched tight as another contraction was beginning to appear, my fingernails burrowing deep into my palms. “W-why don’t you go e-early… see if they need h-help setting up.” My stomach tensed beneath my fluffy dressing gown and I shifted subtly on the bed as an immeasurable pressure returned with the pain. This baby was not waiting until the afternoon for Daniel to leave for the party, I desperately needed him to go now.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?” Daniel joked, tucking a frazzled lock of hair behind my ear. “I want to stay and look after you darling, make sure you’re okay.”

“Mnnn… I just need to lie down…” I huffed, trying to keep the strain from my voice. My body was itching to move, to sway and move my hips, to open up for the emerging baby as the contractions worked hard to deliver the child. But I had to fight against the instincts, ignore all the cues in the recess of my brain. Slumping sideways down on the bed, I curled over my contracting belly and arduously moved to lie under the covers. My skin was radiating heat but I couldn’t remove my dressing gown, couldn’t risk exposing a glimpse of my pregnant body. Had to stay covered, had to hide this baby, had to stay sweating beneath the fluffy gown and duvet covers.

Daniel stroked my hair as I curled up and I couldn’t help but scrunch my eyes through the pain barrelling between my hips. Oh baby, wait a bit more… please.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright hun?” Daniel questioned once more and I managed to gruff out an assurance, stating that I’d be fine and just needed to be alone.

Thankfully I felt the bed shift, my husband getting up and leaving the room saying something about calling the family and giving me space to rest. I sighed in relief at the sound of the bedroom door closing.

Lying on my side helped the constant stabbing pain in my lower back but it was doing nothing to prevent the baby from making its way further down. I could feel it pressing against every nerve from the inside, pushing its way through the narrow space. I tried to squeeze my thighs, to clench everything I could to stop its movements but nothing worked. The pressure was constant, sitting heavily and urgently at the apex of my thighs. Rolling forward I buried my face deep in the pillow to muffle the rattled groan that came from the pit of my stomach. The baby was right there, its imminent arrival clear by the agonising pressure consuming me. I tried to fight it, meeting every wave with defiance, but my attempts were failing. I needed to push.

Before I was even aware of what was happening my whole body tensed and bore down with the peak of the contraction. It felt…satisfying, to give in to the urge and push alongside the tensing muscles, to work with my body instead of against it. Gasping a ragged breath, I pushed again, more forcefully this time. It was moving, inching closer towards my folds. Without thinking I grabbed my leg, still wrapped under the layers of clothing and duvet, and I pulled it towards me so my thigh was beside my contracting belly. I had to make more room, I needed to open myself up for the emerging babe. The back of my knee was damp from sweat and I gripped it tight, opening my hip beneath the covers, and gritting my teeth I pushed again.

It was coming, I could feel it! The contraction soon ended and I let my leg fall back against the other, curled up sideways on the bed and panting frantic breaths. A knock on the bedroom door brought me out of my birthing bubble, suddenly remembering Daniel was still in the house. Oh fuck, what if he heard me pushing?!

“Honey..? Can I come in?” His tentative voice asked and opened the door a crack. I groaned, neither an acceptance or refusal, but it was all I could manage.

Daniel stepped in our bedroom softly. “I’ve spoken with your parents and I’m going to head over there early and help them set up. I know you like to be alone when you’re unwell.” I nearly cried with relief.

“But I’ll come back to check on you before the party starts, okay?” Daniel perched on the edge of the bed and brushed his fingers through my sweaty hair. I nodded and exhaled heavily, hoping it looked like I was just fighting nausea and nothing more. “I’ll get you a bucket, just in case.” Daniel said sweetly and disappeared into our en-suite bathroom.

The contractions were right on top of each other now, the baby was sitting right between my legs desperate to get out. The next wave hit when Daniel was out of sight and I panted as quietly as I could. Don’t push… don’t push… don’t push… I thought over and over again. Curled up on my side my legs drifted apart, one leg bent at the knee, the other straight down the length of the bed. The pressure was slowly killing me; the strain of holding everything in, the baby slipping lower, pressing gently against my labia despite my efforts. Fuck I needed to push, but I daren’t. Daniel was still here…. Breathe… don’t push… breathe… don’t push… Even with the mantra my body did not adhere to the instructions. At the end of each measured breath I could feel my muscles bearing down and pushing the baby, its head starting to part my sensitive lips.

Daniel came back into the room and placed a bucket beside the bed, right next to the pillow where my face was half buried. “How you holding up?” He asked affectionately. I couldn’t speak, could barely breathe, every ounce of strength going into not actively pushing. Instead I closed my eyes and tilted my face further into the pillow.

In the faint background of my personal hell I could hear my husband slowly pottering around our bedroom as he got himself dressed and ready to leave for the party. Every minute dragged on for hours, as he found his trousers and shirt, muttering to himself, all the while I wanted to scream and howl and push! The baby was parting my folds, its head surely poking out between my thighs. Tears dampened the pillow and I was trembling, trying desperately hard not to push. But even without my participation, the baby was slowly making its way into the world. I nervously lowered one of my hands beneath the heavy covers, feeling between my legs. Oh my gosh… that’s my baby I thought as I felt the slimy surface of the partial sliver of its head. It was moving down, every contraction squeezing it further out of my body. My palm clamped hard over the emerging head… don’t… don’t pushhhhhh… a weak groan rumbled my throat as my body uncontrollably pushed, hard.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Daniel asked.

I was far from okay, I was pushing his best friend's baby into my own palm for fucks sake. In between pushes, I gulped a breath and offered a short and snappy “uh-huh” before my body was forced to bear down once more. My hand remained steadfast in its position between my legs and thankfully the baby didn’t slip out any further. Once the contraction eased I panted a relieved sigh.

“I’m heading out now babes.” Daniel stated aloud. “I’ll be back to check on you later. I love you.”

“Ngghh— love you too—” my rasped voice came from under the covers. I was in too much pain to notice the guilt that twisted in my chest.

I remained frozen in the bed, my ears listening desperately for the sound of the front door to close and his car to start. The roar of the engine, the glorious sound, slipped through the vents in the bedroom window and I sobbed with relief. He was gone!!

Immediately I threw the covers off my sweaty skin and tore myself out the tangled mess of my dressing gown. The baby was partially crowning and my gods I needed to push. Everything hurt, everything ached, I needed to move but there was no strength left in my body to get up. Hooking a leg over the edge of the mattress I rolled off the bed and slipped down to my knees on the luscious carpet.

With my elbows on the mattress and my face buried against the sheets, my knees widened on the floor and my hips sank downwards as I pushed with everything that I had. Burning fiery pressure erupted between my thighs and I growled through the excruciating pain, pushing and pushing and pushing. I couldn’t take it anymore, this baby had to get out. My entire body trembled as the baby stretched me open, but I kept going push after push and with a primal grunt the head finally slipped out. Relief flooded through me as the pressure eased. Panting, desperate for air, I was barely aware of any of my other senses; of the now-damp carpet under my knees, or the sound of the engine returning to our driveway, or the creek of the bedroom door being opened.

“Honey?… I errr… I forgot my phone and then I heard you scream. What’s… what’s going on?” Daniel asked, frozen in shock at the door.

“…um… I erm…” I stuttered, speechless and naked beside the bed, an illegitimate baby hanging between my legs. “I umm…I— I— ohhhh… oh I need to push….!!!” Before I could think of an explanation my body was bearing down once more, birthing my husband’s best friend’s baby right beside our marital bed.

[youraverageaemondsimp]

DILF!Aemond Targaryern, DILF!Aegon ii Targaryen x Reader (Separate) // HEADCANONS/DRABBLE.

WARNINGS: slight smut, mdni, afab!reader, age gap, breeding kink (aemond), p in v sex (aemond), unprotected sex (aemond), cunnilingus (aegon), oral f receiving (aegon), + not proof read.

(this is technically not a full blown hcs but neither is it a full drabble, so that's why I added both in the title)

WC: 1.3k total (aemond + aegon parts)

Aemond Targaryen !!

You knew that you definitely needed an older guy after your immature and toxic break up with the guy around your age, who treated you with almost no value.

But what you didn't expect was to catch the eye of your dad's boss during an event you had attended with him, he was in his early thirties with 2 children with his former divorced wife, Floris Baratheon.

Your relationship began quite formally at first, with him being a complete gentleman, asking you about your educational background, what job you were doing and he had asked for your number ‘just in case’ you need a job if you lose the current one, it felt more like a job offer than a normal conversation.

Until he began to text you good mornings, ask you about your day — at first he would do just that, and leave a smiley emoji after your response, but as time passed on, and you felt more comfortable around each other, he began to share a few personal things.

He had opened up about his divorce with his wife, how it affected him and the kids, — oh the kids, he would share pictures of them when he would be the one spending time with him, he had told you that he was fighting for full custody since Floris was basically neglecting them when they're spending time with her, and you wished him luck.

Soon you both begin to meet up, go on dates, he was stoic, with no expression on his face so it was hard to read through him, but eventually you'd learn to decipher his micro expressions.

You couldn't ignore the way he made you feel anymore, and you made it official, your dad was shocked and angry thinking Aemond had abused his power to get to you but once you explained everything, he calmed down.

You moved out of your apartment into his house, he had given you heads up about the kids that they're hard to handle and dont welcome strangers that easily, but you had told him that you'll manage everything.

And eventually you got along with the kids, and everything in life seemed to be moving fast from there onwards, Aemond got full custody of the kids after proving the neglect they were facing from the mother's side. Which you congratulate him about.

He would often stare at you when you'd play with the kids, he couldn't help but have the thought of your stomach swollen with his child, he'd eventually confess to you about it during your intimate moments.

“Oh fuck— yes right there!” You throw your head back against the pillows as Aemond thrusts into at full force, his desperate hands grabbing any flesh he could find, giving it a tight squeeze. You moaned as you peaked, as his tip repeatedly hit your sweet spot.

“I'm coming.” He grunts, “Jeez— I want to finish inside you so bad, watch you grow round with my child– fuck— I can only imagine the sight.” His words made you feel warm on the inside, and when he went to pull out, you locked your legs around his waist, to which he was surprised by, “Do it inside me then.” You say seductively and he immediately begins to thrust rapidly, he finishes inside you with a moan, painting your walls white before he pulls out, watching intently as his seed drips out of your cunt.

“Mhm, I think Aerys and Rhaegal would love to have a little sister.” He says as he plops down next to you, pulling you into his arms, “I think they would.” You reaffirm, rubbing your thighs together, feeling even more turned on as his seed sticks to your thighs.

“We should definitely make sure it takes.” You tell him, implying at a second round and he smirks knowingly.

Aegon ii Targaryen !!

You met him in a club you went to when you tried to destress because of your exams. He immediately took a liking to you, at first you had guessed that he'd be around your age, so imagine your surprise when you found out that he was in his mid thirties.

He laughed when you told him about it, he was extremely outgoing, in fact, too outgoing and so much of an extrovert.

You both immediately clicked, enjoying each other's company and finally exchanged numbers. He had drunk too much and eventually overshared everything about how his wife passed away in childbirth, leaving him with a child who he is working hard to raise.

“I try my best to raise him, but it gets too tiring. You know, I had hired a nanny, but I wish I could just quit my job and spend more time with him.” He shares, “Where do you work?” You ask curiously, “Hightower Co.” and your eyes widen at that, “Isn't that a really difficult place to get into? Their employee selection rate is super low, and I heard their manager is quite picky.” you shrug and he chuckles, “Well I guess I am indeed picky sometimes.”

“what.”

You apologised immediately after feeling embarrassed, he had revealed that his grandfather owns the company and basically wants his family members to run and manage it, though it screams nepotism, most of the hightowers and their extended family are extremely good at their ages, there were only a few select non-family members that were able to make to a non-basic worker status.

Things ended awkwardly after that, but nonetheless, you both communicated with each other from time to time, he would send you cute pictures and videos of himself and his son doing random stuff, or just bonding which warmed your heart.

After a month of talking, you both decide to get into a relationship, you knew it was quick, but you couldn't help it when you got along so well, he would often bring his child on the dates with you, which you didn't mind, but rather had more fun cause this would allow you to go non-romantic dates which are rather comforting.

If there was one thing which you didn't expect of Aegon ; was his sexual appetite, which he had a lot of, you were surprised by how much stamina he has, and how he's willing to go more than 3 rounds at a time, it sometimes exhausted you because you'd be too overstimulated to even continue.

You still remember how he had fingered you whilst at the family dinner under the table while maintaining a conversation with his grandfather, you tried so hard to not make a noise. He eventually finished what he started in his bedroom.

His favourite thing to do is eat you out, he loves the expressions and noises you make and how messy it would be afterwards.

“Aegon— ahh— hmm pls–” You blabber out incoherent noises whilst you grip his hair, pushing his face further into your cunt which he takes in obediently, lapping his tongue up and down and suckling on your clit as if his life depended on it.

The whimpers and noises you let out only motivated him further to continue his ministrations, he dipped down further while his tongue pushes past the folds of your cunt before entering it, the angle caused his nose to be pressed into your clit, nudging against it while Aegon greedily ate you out.

He pushed his tongue in and out before he licked a long strip up to your clit and once again, latched himself onto it, you moaned when you felt his teeth slightly graze against it.

He sucked on your clit which caused you to peak while holding his face tightly against your cunt, your vision went white at the intensity of the orgasm and your body trembled as you calmed down.

Yet Aegon did not stop, you pulled his hair in an effort to pull away, but he grabbed your hand and held it away while he continued to devour you, you whimpered as the overstimulation hit you, trying to wriggle away from his face yet he still didn't budge and continued sucking, nibbling and biting your clit.

After all, he had no intentions of stopping until you were a mess.

[echantedtoon]

Summon Not For Fun Ch2 He's A Killer

(Imagine what demon Killer looks like is above. Art not mine found on Pinterest. Edit: Someone was kind enough to give me the artists name so credits to maodaobuchiyu1 on Twitter.)

Tagging: @the-ginger-draws

If you to be added to the taglist lemme know

Ever had a case of deja vu that was so powerful you could've sworn it was a dream? Well she was having that all day today, the day before had left her with a bad taste of party games now and hoped she didn't have to use one ever again, but that could be saved for later. Tomorrow she didn't know what exactly she was going to do, but one thing was for sure the house needed to be dusted and taken care of. Maybe she could find her ring that way. The night had been proof of that when she kept sneezing from the amount of dust covering everything, so when she got up she was feeling a little(lot) groggy the next morning and something got her up. The wonderful smell of bacon and eggs wafted through the air and so she sleepily got up and she stretched with a yawn and blinked. ...Smacking her lips and throwing the blankets off of her, throwing the blankets off and standing up. She coughed a few times from the dust and began walking to the door. The stairs creaked under her when she walked down the steps and descended to the living room. Still coughing lightly and blinking tiredly, stomach rumbling towards the delicious smell from the kitchen. 

Once she got into said kitchen, it was completely emptied of life besides her but somehow there was a plate of eggs and bacon perfectly cooked with a glass of orange juice by it. Hungry and still not thinking clearly from sleep, she sat down in the chair, grabbed the fork, and began to chow down on the food provided to her by out of thin air all of a sudden. It wasn't until she was halfway through it did she stop...and gulped down the food in her mouth before blinking at what was left..WHERE DID THIS COME FROM?! 

She took a moment to look towards the sink where a small pile of dishes used to cook the food was...before she stared back straight ahead and blinked...Her hand pointing to the sink and the food and back again as she stared...And she shrugged. She must've been so tired she mustn't have notice her cook the food and forgotten about it. Happened to everyone. Some people forget their house keys so early in the morning because they were tired, she must've gone blank with her mind still mush from being so early in the morning. Or more likely one of your friends had cooked breakfast for everyone. Perfectly logical. So she shrugged it off and finished eating the breakfast she forgot she made for herself and placed the dishes in the sink and made a mental note to come back and clean later right now she had a mission to do.

"Hey, Y/n." Your friends had long since gotten up before you and were ready to go home. Things all packed up and everything. "Find your ring?"

You shook your head. "No. But I'm gonna deep clean the house today anyways because of the dust so it should turn up."

"Ah. Well I'm sure it'll turn up. Oh by the way, thanks for breakfast! It was delicious!"

You blinked. "Wait..You guys didn't cook that?"

The three women looked at each other. "Uh...No? I thought you got up early to cook something before going back to sleep."

"I-..No. Well maybe I did but I forgot?.. Nevermind. See you guys at school Monday."

That was weird..but you shrugged it off. They're probably messing with you or you did forget. No big deal. Now you still had a mission. 

 And that mission was detoxifying all the dust and dirt from the house to stop all this coughing. If this her home after all, she was going to make sure it was actually livable. The cleaning supplies she needed was found under the sink and in the kitchen closet, and got to work on the first room mist important obviously. Her old bedroom, giving it an sort of make over. Rearranging the few things in there like the trinkets and books on the shelf after wiping it with one of the tissues and removing the old sheets off the bed. Your ring wasn't under the bed or on the shelf. The old childhood pictures remained though. Even when you swept and mopped up the symbols from last night's game on the floor, you couldn't find it. Not even under your desk or in your bathroom. Where on earth did it go? Maybe one of your friends accidentally kicked it out of your bedroom? You'd look around as you cleaned up the house. 

IT'S GOTTA BE AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!!

 Remember the deju vu part mentioned? Well she went back down to the kitchen after a while to get herself some lunch- But stopped when she saw it. The kitchen. WAS. CLEAN. And not just clean. It looked as if she spent the whole day mopping the floors and wiping down all the dusty counters, and even the dishes from the sink were gone. She stood there for the longest moment..before going to the cabinets and opening them all looking in. YEP! She found the pan and the dishes she used cleaned and put away in the cabinets. She had to take a step back and think for a long moment. Before coming to the totally logical conclusion that she also must've cleaned the kitchen when she was half asleep that morning and because of all the stress from loosing the family heirloom and work she did on her bedroom, she simply must've forgotten about that too. Silly her. She should really start remembering things better and not get so distracted.

When she went to the fridge and pulled it open, she was surprised to find it stocked to THE BRIM with fresh foods and blinked again...You must've forgotten about how many groceries you bought yesterday and gotten more than you remembered. Oh well. Just meant food for her for a good long while. You rummaged around raising a brow at the objects you couldn't remember buying at all not noticing the eyes blinking from the doorway or hearing the quiet chuckle before the fella turned around and scurried of in a blur. But she didn't notice the blur, just the sound of something scurrying away when she whipped her head around...And scowled.

"Great. Mice. Just perfect," she grumbled to herself before going back to the food.

She definitely had no clue who was really behind all this did she? Oh well, she'll find out soon enough anyways. For now be was enjoying the confusion on her face and helping behind the scenes for now. It's been too long since he was able to have fun. Let's see how long it took his little lady friend to notice his little shenanigans shall we?~ The next few were pretty easy, she was doing something human's called 'spring cleaning' which seemed to be a culture celebration of spring by cleaning your houses he guessed. More human things. But this worked all the better. With just a snap of his fingers all the dust turned into the shapes of bunnies, 'dust bunnies', and hoped out the window he opened while his human was busy on her hands and knees scrubbing the floors and cleaning the dust covered shelves. He'd silently wait somewhere she couldn't see him and just find amusement at her totally confused face when she'd walk into the next room and discover it completely clean and free of dust. Looking at it for a moment before shrugging it off and moving on to the still dirty room next to the one he'd clean, brushing it off as her cleaning one room and completely forgetting which rooms she had cleaned. OH!! The irony was too good. 

After a moment she stood there staring at another room she couldn't remember cleaning. She stood in the doorway to that particular room for what seemed like forever before she sighed and turned away dragging the vacuum with her.

"I-I'll just...c-come back to this one."

He tilted his head curiously to her reaction as she silently disappeared down the stairs before looking at the next room. Hopping down from his hiding space behind the flower pot and staring into the cold room silently. ...He smiled and snapped his fingers. The same thing with all the rooms he'd done before happened. The window opened and all the dust within the room magically began coming together and clumping into little dust bunnies. Said bunnies then began to magically hop to the window and out. Loosing their shape as they fell down to the ground below. At the same time she was vacuuming the guest bedroom downstairs which she used to use as her 'meditating room'. Her old mat was still there and she would sit there for hours just relaxing and meditating. 

Funny. She never had anything else in the room ever other than her meditating mat and the giant full length mirror that stood in the middle of the room. It looked clean despite the dust flying around it, but she shrugged it off again. What she did catch however was the sudden grey blurs going back the window. At first she thought it was just a bird or leaf, but when more fell she looked to it and jumped slightly when a giant clump of what looked like dust fell past it and too the ground. What the- 

The lady turned off the machine and went over to the window and looked down at the ground, before flinching as another dust cloud floated down past her. Where were those coming from? Was the wind blowing dirt off the roof? That's a logical answer. Until she heard a slam of window shutter from upstairs making her jump and look up at the ceiling. That sound had come from right above her. Her upstairs guestroom! She quickly went to the stairs and began climbing them up towards the bedroom she left open. The stairs creaking under her. The man's head snapped to the door and the approaching footsteps and smiled invisibly just as eyes poked in to see what all the noise was about. You completely froze at the clean room and open window presented in front of her. 

Ok! She new for a FACT that she did NOT even go in this room let alone clean and open the window. She slowly walked her way over to the open window and looked out. She didn't see anything but the yard and silent neighborhood  and she certainly didn't see the invisible blue eyes. Until she slowly closed the window and turned around staring..shaking her head before walking away from the room and closing the door behind her. The man chuckled at the situation. The spike of adrenaline from almost getting caught exciting. OH THIS WAS GONNA BE FUN!!

She was on edge for the rest of that day. Looking over her shoulder every so while and peeking into rooms. But she didn't get anymore surprises for the rest of the day so she began to relax. Grabbing another sandwich from the fridge for dinner and making her way back to the bedroom exhausted. She'd been having a whole thing forgetting and cleaning everything and she was all tired and all she wanted to do was just lay back in bed and sleep the night away. Maybe she should sleep in tomorrow and get extra sleep? Might help her memory if she wasn't sleepy. You were also still disappointed that you couldn't find your great grandfather's engagement ring. You'd call your friends up later and ask them to check their bags. Maybe it somehow got in there?

On her way to the stairs she passed the meditating room and something was sitting on the mat, it waved at her passing bye and not paying attention she waved bac-...You froze. Before backtracking and looking back into the empty room. She shook her head and went back to heading to bed. Yeah she was really tired. She didn't see the ripples in the mirror as she climbed the stairs and was soon in the soft bed.

The next day was...normal. She didn't know how long she slept but from the amount of sunlight but she guessed it must've been around nine or ten o'clock. She felt better than yesterday and instead of immediately heading downstairs like last time, she decided to hop into the shower for a quick ten minutes. The warm shower helped her greatly to wake up and when she walked downstairs it was like all the sleep melted away and left her fresh, she wasn't even feeling that hungry this morning. So when she walked by the kitchen, she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary until someone spoke.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"Good morning," She greeted as she walked by.

...

......

...........?!

Wait.... WHAT?!

You slowly backtracked and poked her head into the kitchen. A tall muscular man. Stood with his back towards her. Long mane of blonde hair cascaded down from his head as a long whip like tail swung back and forth from the base of his spine. An apron silly too small was tied around his torso as he just hummed along and ran a cloth along the stovetop seemingly cleaning it. From the wild mess of blonde locks protruded two pointed dark purple horns.

He pointed it at a cabinet and it opened, out floated a fork before it reclosed and she shook her head and blinked at the sight as the fork was directed to the table and set down onto the table where a small plate of pancakes and a glass of milk was waiting. Finally the figure snapped his head around to her and she froze at the gigantic fanged smile across his face and he chuckled at her expression.....Until her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she tumbled to the ground-

....."Uh..." What happened? She could feel a throb to her head and her body lay on something soft. It felt like she hit her head against the head against the wall above her and knocked herself back to sleep. God. Did she really move around that much in her sleep? With a groan she sat up and reached a hand up to rub her sore face as she did so. "Crap. That hurt."

"Are you feeling better?~" Her eyes bulged open like those funny googly eye stickers kids buy at the supermarket and she wiped to the back of the couch she was laying on and saw the same blonde man from before. Two blue eyes with slit pupils blinked from under fluffy blonde bangs. "How is your he-" He didn't get to finish when she screamed and fell off the couch with a loud thud. He blinked and cringed away, with ears pinning back to his head and hissing as her scream hurt his hearing. He watched as she scurried away across the floor before standing up and staring dead at him. "....You know it's quite rude to scream at someone who helped you."

"WHO ARE YOU?!...W-WHAT ARE YOU!?," she screamed panicking at this...this...PERSON!! "HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE?!"

At this he blinked but stayed where he stood behind the sofa. "I'm the demon you asked for."

"D-DEMON?!"

"In the flesh!" 

"Who-...What-..HOW?!" She glanced over at nothing and her hands reached her hands up to grab her head, "Ok. This is a dream. This HAS to be a dream."

"'Fraid not! If it was, you would've woken on your bed instead of the couch."

"...T-Then I'm hallucinating!! That's it!" She smiled finding a perfectly logical answer. "I-It's all the stress making me crack under the pressure and Im have a nervous breakdown! O-Or the fumes from the cleaning supplies are making my brain give hallucinations like a bad dream!"

He rolled his eyes and reached out to her. "Y/n." She looked at him and froze when his hand pressed to her forehead. "If I was a projection of your mind, I wouldn't be able to touch you and you wouldn't feel me would you? Think about it. If you fainted in the hallway how could've you woken up on the couch if I wasn't real enough to put you there?"

She was just staring there for the longest time before sucking in a breath and going to sit back down on the couch. Facing him and staring at him. They stared at each other for a few moments before she let out a breath. "Ok. ...You're real."

"Obviously. I always have been."

"Ok...Then. W-Why are you here?" He blinked as if confused. "I-I-I mean what do you want? There's nothing here you can possibly want! I'm not like rich or anything!" She asked her mind spinning with any kind of answers her logical brain were still working on for an anwer.

His head tilted further confused. "I'm here because we're married?" He motioned between you both like it was obvious. "That's what spouses do. They live together."

"WHAT?! What gave you that idea?!"

"When you summoned me two nights ago and proposed. I liked how you presented yourself and I accepted."  As if to add salt to your already shocked face, his hand extended towards you. Upon his dark purple claws was a single glitter of gold that made you balk in realization.

"My great grandfather's engagement ring! You stole it!"

"I didn't steal if it was presented to me."

"IT WAS A JOKE!!," you shouted at him, "WE WERE ALL JUST KIDDING AROUND!! I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE ACTUALLY REAL!!"

"Black magic isn't something to be messed with especially by mortals who treat summoning ancient beings like me like a game!," he stared both firmly and angrily. "You're lucky it was me you accidentally summoned up instead of someone like Kaido or Hawkins!"

"W-Who are they?"

"Demons you should never summon. Now back on topic, I see I'm gonna have to teach you some things to make you aware."

"Aren't you at least going to give me back the ring?"

"No. It's mine now. Like it or not you made a deal with me and I accepted it, and it's one of the most unbreakable deals to do with demon kind. A marriage contract. You see for security reasons we mate for life unless our partners ok and outside affair or one of us dies but..Barely anything can kill us really."

You sat there with a sick feeling in your guts. Your hands clutching your head. "This can't be happening. This can NOT be happening."

"Well you better believe it." Raising a hand he made a come here motion and the plate of food and fork from the kitchen floated into the room and into his grip. You blinked as he leaned over to set both down on your lap. "Here. You better eat up. I can tell we're going to be here for a while."

"I-..." You looked back to him. "You've been the one cleaning up and making food appear?"

He nodded. "Yep. A husband is supposed to provide for his mate after all."

"I don't even know you're name."

"It's Killer."

Your brow rose. "Your name is Killer?"

"Actually my full name is Massacre Killer Soldier, but it's easier for everyone to just call me Killer."

"Your parents were sure creative."

That got him to huff a chuckle and smile. "I suppose so. Now eat up. You'll need the energy."

[unhingedoveractivemuse]

Title: "I've got you."

Pairing: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz

Tags: Established Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Soft Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

Notes: Flufftober Extra "I've got you."

========================================

The thing about Evan “Buck” Buckley is that he’s tactile. Anyone could tell you that. The more the omega likes someone, the more inclined he is to touch them in some way or form. A hand on the shoulder, fingers brushing when handing over something, a squeeze on the forearm. 

And when he’s in love?

Eddie is lucky enough to find out. 

Hand-holding is the least of it. It’s kisses, soft caresses, hugs, cuddles, nuzzles, grooming, etc. 

And they aren’t even mated yet. He can’t imagine the omega being less tactile when they’ve been bonded in all ways. 

Especially if this is the height of Buck’s need to touch people. 

His and his alpha’s chosen is entirely pressed against him, unyielding arms wrapped around Eddie and nuzzling into his neck where a mating bite will go.

It’s too early for that, though, with Buck only being in preheat. This is a time for comfort and preparation for the days ahead.

Fortunately for him, he had had the foresight to start preparing the day he and Buck decided that a year of courting and dating was enough and that they would mate during Buck’s next cycle. Normally, he probably wouldn't have started preparing so early, but the pandemic changed everything. 

Without a pandemic at their doorsteps, he would have gotten Buck to move in with him already and they would be mating at home. He would have left Christopher on an extended sleepover with the Wilsons, and he would have made one shopping trip without having to worry about finding everything he needed. 

Alas, that wasn't the case, so he had been very careful about making sure the shirts he was providing for Buck's nest were never in contact with dirty clothes. He had to go on several shopping trips (because curse the shortage of everything right now) to stock up on dry food and water. It had taken him until the last minute to find and buy a mini fridge. He also made sure to air out Hen and Chim's scent from the loft starting a week ago because they'd been living here for weeks, making the scent harder to get out. 

(Granted, it was because of the pandemic that they decided to take the next step in their relationship. They're seeing too much death to not consider how much time they're wasting. It doesn't mean Eddie is thankful for it though. Not. At. All.)

Regardless of whether the world is in chaos right now or not, though, he wasn't prepared for this. 

“Love, I've got to bring some more food up,” he coaxes, hoping the koala in disguise will let go long enough for him to make sure they won't starve to death later. He had some food up here already, but there were some grapes and Gatorade he had placed in the big fridge that morning that he hadn't brought up yet. 

Buck whines, a sad little noise that almost has Eddie relenting. 

Almost. 

“Buck,” he tries again. 

He can feel the reluctance exuding off his mate-to-be when the arms unlatch, leaving Eddie free to get up. 

“I'll be right back.”

Eddie makes haste, quickly going downstairs and grabbing everything he needs before hauling it all upstairs, not wanting to leave Buck waiting long. 

He shoves the grapes and Gatorade into the mini fridge where some cold, protein-and-nutrient-packed rolls are already in, courtesy of Bobby. Then, he turns to the bed and nest where Buck is looking at him miserably from. 

“Hey,” he says gently, running a hand through blonde curls.”I was only gone for a minute.”

“I know. I'm sorry. I know I'm a lot.”

Eddie hushes him. “You’re not. I want nothing less than everything, okay?” Then an idea comes to mind. “How about you shift?”

Buck looks at him a little dubiously.

“Only for your preheat. It'll feel better.”

Sighing, Buck gets up just enough to shimmy out of his sweats and boxers, and Eddie only has a moment to appreciate the sight before his skin becomes fur. 

And what a sight it is to see Buck shift despite the year and a half it's been since he's first seen it, especially now that Buck has someone to groom him.

He remembers the first time he saw Buck's wolf. It was beautiful, of course, but it was still showing years of neglect, the lonely years on the road not helping with the sheen and softness of the fur.

Now? It's stunning, the well-loved, healthy, tan fur practically glowing, and Eddie knows that it feels like running his hand through water with how soft it is. 

Beautiful. Every part of Buck is beautiful. 

Buck whines, snapping Eddie out of the trance he gets into whenever he sees Buck shift. The wolf's entire body is pressed into the nest, ears down, looking at him desperately. 

“I've got you,” he says, understanding, pressing a kiss onto the top of the fluffy head before taking off his clothes and shifting into his brown wolf. 

His senses automatically sharpen, trying to take in everything around him, but all that matters right now is Buck, so he jumps back into the nest and does his best to curl around the other. 

Buck responds happily, licking the underside of his jaw and pushing his snout there. In return Eddie licks his face, smothering it in kisses before slowing down to meticulously groom his mate-to-be, drawing out a content rumble from the omega. 

And here, with this amazing omega pressed against him and nuzzling him at every possible moment, he's confident in saying he chose this. Sure, it might have been his wolf that claimed Buck first despite never doing so with Shannon, but now this gorgeous man is Eddie's choice too. 

I love you, he thinks, nudging Buck's head with his own, rubbing their faces together. 

He doesn't need words to know the quiet, short howl is Buck saying the same.

[dandylovesturtles]

This one is breaking the rules but aaaauuugh they're both really good prompts so I will do April and Raph Trick, just for you anon

(and answering this as a screenshot in case I ever want to write that other prompt too lol)

CWs: none really, other than some brief discussion of injuries from the fic

---

April's on a jet ski with Warren Stone when a very loud and repetitive sound comes from a fog horn in the sky. It takes her a moment to realize the sound is her ringtone, and it's actually coming from her bedstand. Blearily she blinks open her eyes and rolls over, fumbling until she finally grabs it and stares at the screen.

5:03 AM is what she sees first, and she prepares herself to verbally murder whoever is on the other end of the line, until she actually pays attention to the caller ID and accompanying picture.

Raph. An old picture of him making a silly face for the camera.

She's suddenly wide awake. Raph would never wake her up so early on a school morning for no reason. Which means something's happened.

She swipes to answer before the ringtone dies, nearly yanking her charger out of the wall with how fast she raises the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

"Um, hey, April..." His voice sounds hesitant, and April's suspicions are confirmed. "Sorry for calling so early, I just... wanted to catch you before you went to class."

"It's fine, big guy," she says, because it's Raph, and because his tone is screaming that something is wrong, bad wrong, and she could never be mad at him for calling her at any time when something is wrong. "What's up?"

"It's, uh... well. Something happened. It's... I don't even know where to start."

He's not telling her to meet them somewhere, so whatever happened isn't currently still occurring. April decides, then, to cut to the chase.

"Who's hurt?"

She hears Raph take a shaky breath, hears what sounds like a thud as he leans heavy against a wall. Then...

"Leo."

Blood turns to ice in her veins. She sets up fully in bed, pulling her legs to her chest and closing her eyes. Not again.

"What stunt did he pull this time?" she asks, but there's no heat to it, just the echoes of the distress she's barely holding back. Raph, at least, seems to understand.

"We don't know. We were chasing these yokai guys - there were three of 'em, so we split up. Leo chased one of 'em up onto the rooftops, and... uh..." Raph clears his throat. "We think... well, Donnie thinks he fell. Or was... maybe pushed."

Fell off a roof. April almost feels like she heard wrong, it feels impossibly mundane. Those boys have been running around on rooftops since before she knew them, and their shells are tough; she can't imagine any of them being too hurt by a tumble unless it was from really high up.

But she can tell from Raph's tone of voice that Leo was hurt - seriously. If this were a, "Haha, Leo fell and broke his leg," moment, she would have gotten that call from the boy himself.

She keeps her eyes closed, like that will somehow force reality away. Predictably, it doesn't work. "How bad is it?"

Raph takes too long to answer, and she fists her hand in the sheets while she waits.

"He's, uh... Well, he's breathing right now," he says, quickly, and she sucks in air too sharp and fast, "but he wasn't when we found him. And... I... I don't know, April."

April listens helplessly as Raph's voice cracks on the other end of the line. She wishes they were having this conversation in person, so she could give him the biggest hug she can manage, but that's not how life is.

"He's... he's not waking up. He's just... laying there. He looks so still, he... Even after the Krang, he never..."

Raph chokes up, and she can tell he's trying hard not to cry. She wonders if he's let himself break down yet, and thinks probably not, because he probably hasn't left Leo's side until now, which means he's stayed strong for Donnie and Mikey.

But Raph doesn't have to stay strong for her. She's the big sister, after all.

"It's okay, Raph," she says, her own tears starting to fall, her own voice shaky, but she only lets as much show as she needs, to encourage Raph in his own feelings. "It's okay. I'm here."

There's another thump from the other side of the line, Raph hitting the floor, if she had to guess, followed by one sob, and then another. And then she can hear him crying in earnest, and she lets him, repeating the same things over and over, I'm here, it's okay, let it out, I love you, we'll figure it out.

Later, April will get a shopping list of anything the boys need from Mikey. Later, she'll will trek down to the sewers and see her boys. Later, she'll take care of chores and harass Donnie into sleeping and do everything she can to cheer Mikey up. Later, she'll talk to Splinter and help him stay present for his sons. Later, she'll hold Leo's cold hand in hers and try to will her baby brother to wake up by force.

Right now, she has a different baby brother to take care of, one who needs her because he feels like he can't go to anyone else. The clock reads 5:14 AM, and that's okay. She'll be here as long as she needs to.

[theflyingfeeling]

hi hello I'm here with another establishement to the terrible Olli/Allu infidelity AU, yes I should stop I know I know I knoooooww but listen, this time it's a sort of sequel to this fic of the same theme and inspired by this so yeah, to sum up:

Olli comes to the possession of Aleksi's shorts and proceeds to pleasure himself while wearing them, thinking of Aleksi. There's lots of pining, angst, and general misery in it too. Rommi and Rilla are mentioned.

~

Olli was exactly where he was supposed to be.

Instead of city lights, there was the sun still greeting him from behind pines and birches when he sat up to look out the window, despite his smartwatch reading half past midnight. Instead of the noise of traffic or the strangers in the next room talking too loudly, Olli heard the chirp of early morning willow warblers and the occasional rustle of leaves in the wind.

And the deep, calm breathing next to him.

She was sleeping peacefully, a rosy blush still colouring her cheeks from their earlier lovemaking. Her hair was spread on the pillow under her head, long and blonde like a mermaid's, and so very unlike Aleksi's. Suddenly Olli remembered all those mornings on tour, when he had woken up to blonde hair on his face, on his eyes and mouth and cheeks, and he had to get out the cottage before the sobs that were building up inside his chest would burst out and wake her up.

He grabbed his phone and a pair of black shorts to pull on his naked self, and then he sneaked out, tiptoeing past Niko and Minna's bedroom to not raise any unneeded attention as to why he was going out alone at that hour. There was no sound from the other room, so Olli assumed the other couple was already finished with their nightly activities as well and were now soundly asleep, enabling Olli's escape, even if he wasn't going any farther than the back porch of the Moilanen’s family cottage.

The tears that had been burning the rims of his eyes finally came when he sat on the cushioned garden chair on the porch. He let them stream down his cheeks soundlessly, knowing he'd feel better if he did, while still swallowing his sobs back to wherever they had come from. No matter how much he wanted to cry out his yearning for something he was never allowed to have, so loud that Aleksi could hear him all the way from Lapland to the south of Finland, he could not risk anyone inside the cottage to hear him, especially not her. She had already seemed suspicious earlier that day, eyeing the shorts he had been wearing (or maybe he had just imagined it, feeling tense from just having the garment touch his thighs).

"Why can't I remember seeing those before? Did you buy them on tour?" she had asked, seconds after they had gotten out of the car in the front yard of the cottage, with Minna waving at them from the window.

Olli's mind had instantly filled with perfectly believable explanations to give her. 'They're Aleksi's, in fact, but he doesn't wear them anymore, so he gave them to me, because the other alternative would have been to throw them in the trash I guess', or 'Aleksi couldn't fit them in his luggage when we left Hilltop Forest last week, yeah, I don't know how that was possible either, but in any case I promised to take them and give them back to him next week after midsummer, please don't tell him I've been wearing them though, haha, that wasn't part of the deal, but they're just so comfy' and she likely wouldn't have even batted an eye at either explanation. She probably would have even baked biscuits for Olli to give Aleksi with the shorts. Yet, there was something that had kept him from mentioning Aleksi's name.

"Uh, yeah. Got them from Tokyo."

Olli's paranoia had turned into a relief that had soon mixed with guilt as she had complemented how nicely the shorts brought out the curve of his ass, just in time before Minna would step out of the cottage to welcome them with Rommi zooming past her. Either way, Olli had been glad she had asked about the shorts before they'd see Niko, who might or might not have recognized them as Aleksi's and blown Olli's cover in the blink of an eye. Then again, their clothes mixed on tour all the time so that sometimes they weren't even sure which clothes were their own, let alone whose socks or t-shirt was stinking on the tour bus floor, so perhaps Olli was safe in that regard. Perhaps Niko had only glanced at them and then at him with a sorry angle to his eyebrows when the girls had browsed gowns to wear to the wedding of the century.

To his defence, Olli couldn't have told the truth about the origin of the shorts anyway, for he had no memory of putting them in his own backpack after the Hilltop Forest party. He wanted to call Aleksi and ask, knowing the man would still be awake, but if he did call him, he feared he was going to be crushed by the pressure of having to speak about what they had done there (given each other handjobs while everyone else was asleep), or even having to speak about the unspeakable (the ring Aleksi had started to wear in his left hand), so he was forced to abandon the idea before it would consume him; before the thought of hearing Aleksi's quiet voice on the phoneline would trump everything and have him do something erratic, such as getting in the car and drive all night, just to ask Aleksi to call off the plans of pink roses on every table and his brother's band playing at the reception.

Aleksi had made his choice, and Olli was not it. Olli accepted it too, knowing there were too many obstacles on their way for anything more to happen, other than hasty handjobs in the tour bus or sucking each other off in backstage bathrooms. That was all there was ever meant to be, and even that should never have happened; Olli should never have let that happen, but when he was stuck in a truckstop in the middle of Texas and missed being that close to someone and having his heart crush his ribcage to little pieces, what chance did he have to hold himself back? What chance did he have, when Aleksi was right there with his bluest eyes and his lips sculptured from the finest marble, prettier than–

Olli should have slapped himself for even thinking that.

Wiping his cheeks, he sat back on the chair and felt a streak of light in his eyes from behind the woods. He turned his face away from the midnight sun, the only witness to what they had done the week before, and now to Olli's meltdown as well. Great, he thought, first Niko, who knows more than he should because we forgot to lock the bathroom door once, and probably Minna too, who knows because Niko knows, and now I can't face the sun anymore either, in fear of it spilling all my secrets about how much I need Aleksi.

Olli shook his head in frustration and cast his eyes to his lap, to the black garment wrapping around his thighs. Why he was wearing the shorts that day in the first place was almost a bigger mystery than how he had come into the possession of them. Maybe he genuinely thought they were comfy, or at least comfier than his only clean pair of shorts. Maybe, in some strange, self-destructing way he thought they'd make him feel closer to Aleksi and the most recent night they had shared. He stroked the white embroidery with his thumb and immediately remembered how warm Aleksi's skin had felt underneath it, soft and full against Olli's palm as he had slid his hand inside the pant leg. A sigh turned into a groan when memories of Aleksi panting and squirming filled his head, and something would throb below his palm, just like something had throbbed below his palm in the moment they had shared on the porch of the fancy rental cottage a week ago.

He had told Aleksi to stay quiet, nibbled on his earlobe and the earring Aleksi had put back on after sauna. Aleksi hadn't needed to be told twice, as he, too, was well aware they had way more to lose than to win in this reckless little game they kept playing; kept and couldn't stop despite the warning signs, despite each touch that they shared becoming more needy and thus more dangerous. It had not been Olli's plan to let it happen there, where they had been surrounded by not only their bandmates but also their business associates from the record label, but when Olli had seen the tent on the front of Aleksi's swimming shorts in the sauna after they had given each other a good old beating with the vasta, there was little else he was able to think about for the rest of the evening. A stronger man would have fought against the temptation and just saved the moment for a private fantasy when jerking off. Olli, however, could not blow his own trumpet in that regard, and so he found himself seeking Aleksi's proximity all night, waiting until the others would retreat to their rooms so that he could finally put his hands on Aleksi.

Sure, he wasn't the only one to blame. If Aleksi had wanted to, he could have told Olli to back off, could have asked Olli to respect his decision and that stupid, shiny piece of jewellery on his finger, but he hadn't, not once. Instead he had spread his legs to give Olli more room to massage him through his shorts, those shorts, and leaned his head away from Olli to expose his neck for Olli to mouth on. They rarely kissed – only when they were tipsy or heartbroken enough – perhaps so that they could pretend none of it meant anything to either of them. In reality, it meant the world to Olli, to be allowed to touch and kiss Aleksi's body as if he was meant to do it, as if they belonged only to each other and not to some completely different people.

Shivers ran down Olli's spine as he remembered how Aleksi's cock had pulsated under his touch, similar to how his own erection was now pulsating inside the shorts. He shoved the remorse and shame aside for the sake of letting the memory swallow him, for the sake of travelling back in time and space to that chilly summer evening that had had them both sweating and breathing heavily by the end of it. Slowly rubbing his own hard-on, he closed his eyes and wished he could be doing that to Aleksi the way he had done then, making the man panting, writhing, whispering into Olli's ear to beg for him to make Aleksi come, darned be the fresh pair of underpants he'd ruin. Olli bit his lip to not laugh out loud at the memory of Aleksi suddenly stopping him, remembering he would have no extra ones to change into if he was to jizz his pants, so as a compromise he had pulled his hard cock out of his boxers and fit it inside a pant leg so that his tip had been peeking from under the black fabric. The sight had mesmerised Olli and had almost made him switch from sucking Aleksi's neck to sucking his dick instead, if the small noises Aleksi had been making into Olli's ear hadn't convinced him to keep on kissing Aleksi's neck and jawline.

Olli squeezed his own cock and remembered how hard Aleksi had been for him. He remembered Aleksi's hot, heavy breaths, similar to his own breathless sighs now. He remembered Aleksi's lips finding his at last, hungry and greedy just like Olli's own had been. He remembered Aleksi whimpering into his mouth as he had approached his peak, the sound of it alone almost enough to make Olli come too. He remembered how Aleksi had grabbed the front of Olli's shirt, how he had muffled his sobs against it when his orgasm had washed over him.

Olli had not been sure if they had been sobs of pleasure or of something else. He hadn't dared to ask, afraid the answer might be something he didn't want to hear.

Almost ready to come himself, Olli rubbed his cock through the shorts with more force and decided to focus on the memory of Aleksi's climax instead of his cries, of Aleksi's cock pulsating inside the pant leg and finally shooting thick cum on his own thigh. It was pathetic, Olli knew, but it was hardly the first time during the past week Olli had masturbated to that image, and if he wasn't missing Aleksi so much, if he wasn't so consumed by the longing he had for his friend, he would have felt ashamed for cumming as hard as he did while thinking about Aleksi's semen dripping down his thigh. Olli's hips jerked and he felt the fabric of the shorts getting damp from his jizz, and just barely he was able to keep himself from moaning into the summer night from the strength of his orgasm, to have the reindeer they had seen on the road to the cottage earlier that day hear his groans of euphoria and misery alike.

The guilt returned faster than it usually did, but Olli supposed it was because he was alone. He sniffled, then, feeling sorry for himself for having no panting, blissed out Aleksi next to him to nuzzle on his shoulder, to carry half of Olli’s sins. He sniffled again, remembering he did have someone inside the cottage who'd do exactly that and more; someone who had made him a chocolate cake for breakfast when he came back home from tour and had offered to give him a massage to wash off the frown that seemed to be stuck on his face as of late; someone who cared for him, needed him, and didn't go around putting rings on other people’s fingers.

It wasn't her sin to bear, though. She deserved far better than that.

His hands were shaking when he took out his phone from his pocket. He wasn't even sure why he had taken it with him when he had gotten up in the dead of night. It must have been an unconscious choice, much like the one he had made in the morning, looking at two pairs of almost identical shorts and choosing the ones his stupid heart had told him to.

In spite of his earlier hesitation, his finger was soon hovering over Aleksi’s name. 

He didn't expect Aleksi to pick up at almost one in the morning, even if it was summer and holiday and Aleksi was probably still awake at his studio, working on a solo project or scheduling emails to be sent the next day. At the same time he knew Aleksi would, for those exact reasons.

"Hey."

"Hey," Olli answered. He wiped his nose on his wrist.

"Can't sleep?"

"Yeah."

"Me neither. Fucking jetlag..." Aleksi's voice was strangely quiet. Olli didn't want to think about him taking the call while upstairs, with her.

"Watcha doing?" he asked, just to have Aleksi tell him he wasn't.

"Nothing much. Just... killing time at the studio."

Olli sighed. 

Killing time because you're bored and sleepless, or killing time until you'll get to climb back upstairs to an empty bed when she's already left for work?

"What about you?"

The sniffles wouldn't stop, no matter how Olli tried to keep them in.

"Thinking about you."

He didn't know what else to tell Aleksi.

"Oh."

The line fell quiet then, and Olli saw no need to break the silence. He settled for listening to the distant cuckoo from deep in the woods and wondered if Aleksi could hear it too; if that way they could pretend they were together.

"I've been thinking about you too. A lot. I know I shouldn't, because–"

"Don't say it," Olli spoke over him.

My heart's already as if stabbed, I don't need you to twist the knife any further.

They said nothing again for almost a minute, just listened to each other's breathing. In that moment, it was enough, and much better than filling the silence with truths that made Olli want to groan in agony.

He looked down at his hands, at his lap.

"I have your shorts," he told Aleksi. He could lie to himself and say he did it in case Aleksi had wondered about them, but he knew that wasn't the reason.

Aleksi stayed quiet for another moment before answering.

"I know."

It couldn't have meant what Olli hoped it meant. It wouldn't have been fair of Aleksi.

"I'll give them back to you next week," he forced out of his mouth, managing to do so without his voice trembling. The white text on the pant leg was beginning to blur.

"Okay. Thanks."

My fucking pleasure, Mattson.

"Can't wait to see you next week," Aleksi said, as if he had sensed Olli was about to hang up on him out of sheer bitterness.

Bitterness over Aleksi torturing him like this, or bitterness over the situation in general? Be as it may, Olli knew he wasn't entitled to such a feeling in the first place.

On the other end of the line, Aleksi exhaled.

"Fuck it, Olli, I miss you. I know I shouldn't, but... fuck," the man swore out his evident frustration.

No matter which way Olli tried to put it, the situation wasn't fair for any of them. He sniffled again.

"I miss you too. Too much."

A silence fell on the phone line once more, a melancholic one this time, rather than a tense or an expectant one. It was broken when Olli heard Aleksi's office chair creak.

"I think Rilla's awake upstairs. I may need to go up and let her out. She's been having stomach issues."

"Say hi to her from me," Olli said and wiped something off his cheek.

"Yeah, I will," Aleksi promised. After a brief pause, he spoke again. "Thanks for the call. I was...actually thinking of calling myself, but–"

Olli couldn't bear hearing Aleksi's reasons. "See you next week." 

"Yeah. Bye."

One last, self-pitying sniffle and Olli was back on his feet. The cum inside the shorts was starting to cool, making him despise the piece of clothing for the discomfort and guilt they were giving him. Back in the bedroom, with her deep asleep and thus oblivious to Olli's absence, Olli stripped himself naked again and crammed Aleksi's shorts deep in his backpack, hoping he'd be able to do something about them without her noticing. It wasn't going to be easy, with her on her annual summer leave from work and always home with him now that he was there too for once, so maybe he'd have to sneak out at midnight again to scrub them clean. Whatever Aleksi's intentions had been, Olli doubted he wanted his beloved shorts back all crusty from dried-out semen.

Careful to not alert the sleeping woman on the other side of the bed, Olli slid under the duvet and lay on his back, eyes on the ceiling.

Olli was exactly where he was supposed to be.

But wasn't it funny, how the place where he wanted to be was some place else entirely. 

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #187

I still don't have quite enough sleep. I stayed up a little later than I wanted to, but I still wanted to go to the nice place with the awesome leader, which meant I woke up early, because the place is an hour away. It has been some time since last I wasn't too overwhelmed to go. I'm glad I went.

I was in a lot more pain than usual today, though, so I wasn't able to be chipper or to mingle in the way I usually do. I'm really glad that no one seemed to mind.

At the place, there is a young teenage girl who I wanted to give my collection of Pokémon cards to. She is very interested in them, and I had a great big huge binder full of some of the old ones that were around way back when they first came out. I arranged them in pages of sleeves - 18 cards per page - in numerical order. The formatting of these cards has changed dramatically over the years. I don't really like the new formatting, and the old formatting isn't widely available anymore, so I don't collect them anymore. So what's my binder gonna do other than sit on a shelf somewhere, collecting dust? Better that it goes to someone who will be able to appreciate them a little more.

But she hasn't been coming to the place recently, I guess. So I left it with the older gentleman that she is usually with; he will give her the binder. I hope she likes it. But if she doesn't, I suppose I can always take it back, if she doesn't want it.

When we were done, J and I went to Eggcellent again. I was extra tired and cranky from the sleep deprivation and the rib pain, so I got two matcha lattes; one had rose syrup, tea jelly, and cream cheese foam, and the other one was basically the same, except it had lavender syrup instead of rose syrup:

I split each of these with J; he seemed to like sharing them with me, and that was good.

...I spent the rest of the day trying to design a house, with mixed success. It's nowhere near done yet. And I'm not really sure I'm liking the layout. And no... I can't show it to you when it's done, which really super sucks, but it is what it is.

At some point during all that, J reminded me that I have to come up for air every now and then when I'm working on things; I'm a lot like you in that if I'm left to my own devices, the hyperfocus becomes strong, and I don't eat, drink, or sleep properly like I should. I'm probably pretty dehydrated, actually... Suppose I had better fix that...

Well, in any case, J took me on a brief walk outside. The sun was setting, and it was especially nice today, so naturally, I tried to snag a few pictures for you...

...And that's all I've got. I hope you enjoyed looking at these as much as I enjoyed taking them for you; the world is full of beauty amidst the darkness. You just gotta know where to look.

...I should get to sleep. So I'm gonna get some water, and then go to sleep. I've got a visual field test tomorrow morning, I guess, because I had been having this weird thing happen in my left eye somewhat recently whereby a decent chunk of my vision is obscured by a navy-blue splotch for a fraction of a second, every several minutes.

It was doing that for a number of weeks, and then it stopped happening. But they don't know what it is, and my eyes look healthy from the exam just a few days ago. They imagine it's an ocular migraine of some kind (though there was no headache), but they're gonna do the visual field test just to make sure there's nothing weird afoot. I'm gonna assume it's nothing to worry about; possibly just stress-induced or something.

...Next week is gonna be rough. I've got the eye doctor, I gotta get a dress modified, there's therapy, and then orientation for the new job, and then I'm gonna get 4 teeth extracted. It's a lot. I'm daunted. But it'll be okay. I've got this. Don't you worry your pretty little head about me, all right? I'm gonna be just fine. But if you wanna maybe wish me a bit of luck, perseverance, endurance, and resolve, I certainly would appreciate it. And if you don't wanna, then that's okay, too; I'll be all right either way.

I love you. I'll write again tomorrow. Please stay safe.

Your friend, Lumine

[quiveringdeer]

Reiner's gonna be giving names to all his houseplants. One of them is a cactus named Pock. 🌵

H'okay, SO! Here's the thing Nonnie, I've been sittin on answering this ask cause only one thing has populated my mind since reading it and I was like, Nat pull yourself together girl and stop being a weirdo all the time. But the thing is, Nonnie. That would be burying a very important piece of myself and at the age of 30 I said I wasn't doin that shiz anymore. (also this is a dramatic buildup for no real good reason lol)

What I haven't been able to dislodge from my mind is the image of a cactus my friend has that is a very, particular shape. And It's had me thinking that Reiner just names his plants after friends in general (cause he tries to be friends with Pock now that they're grown but Pock is Pock sooo... yeah) And he's actually not even the one who named it after Porco, Annie of all people suggested it.

Annie: "It pricks, he's a prick. It fits." Uncaring shrug.

Now generally Annie keeps things to herself. But you see, Nonnie. Earlier in the day, she'd had a late start to the morning and gotten to her favorite bakery way past prime pastry buying time. Hang with me, It's coming together, promise. So. She's there, waiting in the exorbitantly long line, this is why she likes to get there super early. And Pieck spots her from up closer to the register. Pieck comes to engage her in convo, which with Annie being in more of a mood than usual, is really just Pieck trying to catch up and Annie giving small grunts here and there in response.

Porco was with Pieck, cause of course he was. He stayed in line and is at the register now. He doesn't even have to call Pieck back up cause he already knows the orders that she prefers. So he orders and also just happens to choose a particular pastry from the display case that is the last of its kind. He's never tried this one before and he's feeling adventurous today.

As the barista opens the case to draw out the delicious confection, Annie's eyes widen. It was the one she'd come for. The thing that could lift her spirits out of the dank, festering, turgid mass of shittiness she'd already endured so early in the day.

The line moved forward. She remained. Eyes trained on Porco as he sauntered over to Pieck's location next to her, still waiting on their drink orders to come up. It took everything in Annie not to snatch the flakey ambrosia from his grimey fingers before he took a huge bite. Buttery crumbs falling against the worn brown leather of his bomber jacket.

And yet, what solidified her ire. The slight that stitched spite so steadfast throughout her spirit to spark such an unanticipaited conversational contribution hours later that day...

After Pieck asked him how the delicacy tasted, Porco had the audacity to mutter that it was alright.

Just, alright?!

Expertly, Annie forced down her boiling indignation. Outwardly, her icy blue eyes narrowed to slits as she turned her attention to finally moving up in line. She'd have to settle for her second favorite danish alongside her vanilla caramel frappé, but this event would long be remembered.

--------------------

Annie's suggestion actually wrings a hearty chuckle from Reiner and he can't deny the truth of her sentiments. So. Porco the cactus--Poctus if you will--is born.

The fact that as it grows it begins to take on a very peculiar shape only adds to it's list of nicknames. And Reiner isn't sure if he's fucked up taking care of it somehow or if the universe decided to bless him with something that sparks instant joy and amusement everytime he sees or thinks about the prickly succulent.

Alright for those that stuck with this unexpected rambling imagine, here is your reward. Hopefully it makes you laugh like it does my friends and I everytime we think of it.

I present to you....

Cocktus!

[schismusic]

THE DISCOGRAPHY PRINCIPLE, Episode 4: Coil, or: Better Git It in Your Soul

As I'm writing this piece, everyone who knows their shit is spasmodically waiting for the physical repress of Moon's Milk (In Four Phases) to hit store shelves, assuming they haven't bought it off the site. All the people who have been knowing their shit since before it was cool to do so already had the FLACs on their hard disk drives. Not to brag, but I'm part of that second group. I love gay people, I love Creative Commons licenses, I love what happens when you rub them together (in case you're wondering, you have a phenomenon called teenage lightning).

[As you're going to see throughout the piece, the remaster did come out, and it's glorious]

If you ask anyone they will probably tell you Horse Rotorvator is Coil's best, and it's not like they're wrong, but it may be a bit limiting. It goes about the same as Incunabula; refer back to the Autechre post for more clarification, but in short it's an incredibly good record that takes some extra work done in the present time because some of its sound palette choices end up making it sound a bit uncanny, if not dated. I'd rather not go with "dated" for this specific record simply because Scatology exists, and it doesn't get anymore '80s than that, not necessarily in a positive way. If we take out The Anal Staircase (by the way, great title, guys!) the rest of the tracks on Horse Rotorvator have some actually quite futureproof stuff going on, on average - sometimes bordering on prescient, like on Penetralia, just barely removed from 2010s brostep aggression, and sometimes I wish they had the hardware to process that stuff. But the big-ass reverb on the snare and percussion, the sheer nudity of the production, the way the orchestral bits and samples are integrated into the arrangements kind of make it sound like the record is striving really hard for a sound that simply could not be attained at the time of realization.

The great part is that literally nothing I said in this paragraph is a negative at all.

Compare Penetralia to, for instance, Restless Day from Scatology; or maybe even compare Ostia to Tenderness of Wolves. Both are great, sure, but while the Rotorvator just don't check out at times, the Scatology ones seem to have an expiration date written on them. Only one exception to this rule: At the Heart of It All. If I had to draw another comparison, this would probably link up to The First Five Minutes After Death, and this time it's the latter paling in comparison to the former. It sounds sickly and isolated in a special unique way, unable to fight back, devoid of any possible bite: it sounds like it saw the actual horse rotorvator, the Four Horsemen slitting the horses' throats and meshing the jawbones into a gigantic, earthshattering plough. Nothing exists beyond At the Heart of It All. Nothing survives.

Coil, after all, always flirted with a sense of profound despair, even at their funniest and most tongue-in-cheek. This is relevant: not many other bands of their era display, or even have, that same sense of humor about not just themselves but the whole world; consequently, not many have reached the same scope of intent, and the same successful realization of said intents, as Coil. Partially unrelated: one of my favourite stories about them is that one time in the early 2000s when the rest of the band couldn't find Jhonn Balance after a gig in Greece — I think at least, I'm going off the top of my head here — so on the following morning they were forced to board their plane to their next gig in mainland Europe without him. So as they're about to play the gig without him, seeing as he simply isn't there, magically he shows up, and nobody could even imagine how he'd managed to get there on time. At the time Jhonn was already having big trouble with alcohol, had already broken up with Peter Christopherson. Many of these things I came to know through some tried-and-true Coil obsessives, and there's apparently a lot of them around: people who exchanged correspondence, cassette tapes, memories with some of the collaborators in the band or even Balance and Christopherson themselves. There's basically an army of unauthorized Coil biographers out there. But staying more strictly on the point, it's impossible to separate Coil and the lives of those who made up Coil; therefore it is impossible to separate Coil and life itself.

Some of you may remember me mentioning the aborted Autechre/Coil collab back in episode one of this series. In that very same conversation, we had a really deep dive into how Coil's attraction to — mostly Western — esotericism, even the most downright evil and uncomfortable parts of it (how could we ever forget the iconic "the industrial use of semen will revolutionise the human race" shirt?), stemmed from a more general interest in the fullness of life; and the more I think about that, the more understandable Coil's visual fascination with nature is. Four EPs, one for each of the major sun-related astronomical events introducing the four seasons; the luscious woods on the covers of the two Musick to Play in the Dark records; the rocky cliffs and the goats being a perfect aesthetic fold to The Remote Viewer's abrasive/ascetic hurdy-gurdy drones. All of this accompanied to music that seems to strive for the most eldritch effect possible — in one way or another, Coil's sound design is like looking very, very, very deep into the bottom of an abyss of your choice simply for the fun of it, or rather for the curiosity, the doubt that something of incalculable value might lie down there. We as humans really enjoy getting to know stuff much more than we enjoy actually knowing stuff, the progress of process is much more enticing to us than the staticity of completion. Coil still sound, twenty years after Balance's death and almost fifteen years after after Christopherson's death, like they are disciples. They listen just as much as we do.

And this predisposition to listen is specifically what makes them particularly apt at speaking, too. Coil express depth because they feel deeply, ultimately, and they don't fear emotion — any emotion. Which means they are just at ease analysing the diffusion of gossip and its subsequent deformation and bloating as they are discussing alcoholism and the search for oblivion, and what's better: these topics are discussed in two sister tracks (namely Red Queen and Ether). Both tracks, alienated from the context of their respective records, sound like relatively soothing jazzy piano ballads with some lunatic saying the most out-of-pocket shit possible on top of them, and some pretty fucked up background noises going on, Red Queen being the easiest possible application of this concept. But the effect gets somehow creepier when Jhonn Balance actually introduces a recognizable melody into the mix. This is probably the best moment to talk about Jhonn Balance's voice.

If I'd talked to Dog about this piece, they probably would once again link me to Drew Schorno's piece about "vestigial shamans" (you can find it here). Balance's singing is not about technique, but at the same time it's not as simple as the boomer-like concept of mojo, either. Balance could barely carry a melody through most of the time, to a point where some Coil tracks sound like they'd benefit heavily from a guest vocalist; early on, I believe, Coil — perhaps Balance himself — must have been convinced that was the case too, and for proof just look at the plethora of external one-off collaborators brought in the fold (among many notable names, one stands tall: the legendary JG Thirlwell). Then you try to actually substitute Balance, or maybe even sing your own version of the track, and it doesn't work anymore*. It simply stops being compelling in a way that is very hard to quantify. Yet another name popping up from the Autechre piece, i.e. that of Tom Waits: it's that lived-life element mixed with the more strictly performance-related aspects of vocal interpretation that makes the difference, sure, but it's about how you cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. Tom Waits achieves this by virtue of his life-long effort to turn into his own character, i.e. by way of sheer commitment to the bit if you're so inclined; Jhonn Balance — ironic that, of these two, he should be the one using an actual pseudonym — does that by simply being a vestigial shaman, a person so profoundly wired for jumping in and out of some other world that he seemed, for better or for worse, to be unable to stop doing that.

*There is, of course, only one exception to this rule, and that is Rose McDowall, i.e. most likely a vestigial shaman herself, at least judging by her Facebook. I am lucky enough to be her virtual friend on there, and she seems like an incredibly endearing person — speaking frankly, I'd love to buy her a drink and have a conversation at one point…

The shamanicity (is that even a word?) of Coil is stunningly matched by the sound design and production: so materic it's tangible, so abstract it forces you to wonder what's on the other side of the door. You don't always want to know. In the summer of 2016 I was listening to Batwings in a dark room, for some reason, and there was a crucifix in this room; I shone a flashlight on it and the crucifix projected its shadow on the wall and at that point I very distinctly felt something powerfully trying to make its way through my ribs, into my chest. I immediately left the room. To this day this remains the sole thing in my entire life that made me firmly and unequivocally grasp possibilities beyond what we see normally. And as much as I love waxing poetic over Balance's lyrics and vocals, in this case I believe it was mostly the repetitive, simple keyboard figure — it's almost as if they'd managed to shrink down a church organ and you could now play it, volume obviously adjusted for size, within your breast pocket. But the whole array of clicks and pops, or the insanely advanced vocal processing, displayed throughout the Musick to Play in the Dark/Moon's Milk era really elevates the composition and arrangements to new heights, making them a true spectacle to listen to even on the most low-specs sound systems.

The beautiful thing is that Coil doesn't necessarily need the extra bells and whistles and, more importantly, that they know when and where to use them. This is on display throughout most of their discography, but nowhere is it clearer than on The Ape of Naples, a posthumous record that is entirely built to represent Balance's aural eulogy. One of the most overlooked tracks on the record, I'd argue, is Tattooed Man, basically a simple pop song revolving around laid-back percussion and a simple accordion melody — until, of course, Balance himself intervenes almost shouting a tale of dead lookalikes, of love and hate, of self-image and acceptance (or lack thereof) of finality. It's hard to explain why this track would be more touching to me than the more openly emotional Fire of the Mind (link) (which has one of the best opening verses in the history of recorded music, if you ask me) or Going Up (my main issue with this one is that it comes after Teenage Lightning and Amber Rain, both incredible tracks that scarred me for life — in a positive way, but I do realize its necessity in the economy of the full record of course. It just is). I guess it's touching to find that at the end of the line, even resolute spiritworld straddlers get a bit scared of their own powers. But after all, the main requisite for being a shaman is feeling more than the others — being, maybe, more human than the others.

[sophieswundergarten]

Considering Book Rhonda once again, and how in the beginning of TPJ she's probably, what? In her early twenties at most? And she had to deal with her dad and older sister disappearing/being kidnapped by the man they all know wouldn't hesitate to hurt them all on her own, not to mention the agents showing up and trying to take over.

Milligan was away on a mission, and all of the other adults were living in different cities at that point, so she was well and truly by herself, probably for around six hours to a full day, with the knowledge that her family was captured.

Imagine all the worst-case scenarios she would have come up with, all the fear and doubt and anxiety over these people she loves so dearly being in peril, and then the fact that she had to hide all that and command respect from the government agents who had been hounding them for months to give up control of the situation. Those agents probably saw her as a young, inexperienced assistant to Mr. Benedict (As it wasn't super likely they would want to share the familial connection with pushy government people), and assumed she'd be grateful to hand the reins to people who "knew what they were doing".

But Rhonda had to stand her ground and try and manage everything on her own. Even though Milligan was coming, there was always a possibility that his mission would delay him, and she explicitly tried to tell the others not to come. Of course, there's a bit of a difference between Milligan who knows everything and has been living/working with her for years and the childrens' parents who may or may not be able to help that much, but it still would have been a comfort to have back up.

And, on top of all that going on and the situation being absolutely terrifying, she had Constance to look out for. Despite being a genius, she's still a little girl, and I'd bet most of those government agents didn't give a hoot about speculating the gruesome possibilities in front of her. Rhonda would of course want to protect her baby sister from all of that, but it must have been so much to manage. When the others get there, Constance snaps that she'd spent the whole morning hiding in her room crying, and I just think it would have been heartbreaking for Rhonda to want to go comfort her (And probably cry some too), but have to keep handling the agents who underestimate her and act like they know what they're doing when they really don't have all the information.

[bugcatcherwill]

You know there is something I been wondering: Sterre was stationed by Zayl’s swamp area of the wetlands, hence why it showed up when the calamity sensed Kobb there and sent it with some smaller monsters.

But how did it get to akkala after the blood moon where Kobb freed it fully from the malice?

Part of me though maybe hinoxes have great sense of smell and can smell a persons scent from miles away. Maybe the calamity sent Sterre into a ‘roam’ mode to find Kobb via its scent.

But under the malice hinox are always tied and luckily Kobb run into Sterre BEFORE it recharged and could have possibly got to the lab to get the traitors.

As to me it made no sense Sterre was confirmed to be brought back by the hopefully LAST blood moon meaning it should have been by the swamp where Kobb defeated it but it some how got to akkala

Well, Sterre wasn't stationed in the swamp per se.

It's not like directly implied, but I wanted to get the point across that The Calamity dispatched Sterre from somewhere else to the swamp because the monster defectors had to be eliminated at any cost.

Like how Rezek said something like "The Calamity must really want your friend dead if it's bringing in that"

Because timeline wise, Sterre was brought into the swamp in the early morning - when Kobb had escaped into the wetlands around when the sun was setting the previous day.

This gives us at least a good few hours for The Calamity to find a Hinox around (not as far as Akkala, but I like to imagine Hinoxes can move fast when they're forced to lol) and bring it there.

Like here works really well because you could imagine the monster encampment around there wrangling what would come to Sterre and try to fix that blinder on it so it'd just rampage and flatten the whole ground in the name of taking out Kobb.

The idea was that The Calamity had Hinoxes in that forced sleep all across the land so that a) they wouldn't rebel and/or band together, and b) any Hinox could be mobilized at a moment's notice

And in Sterre's case, because it failed it was basically "decommissioned" to the most fuck-off part of Hyrule (Akkala) where it wouldn't be needed for anything important.

[enigma-absolute]

13 and 3 for the ask game, perhaps??

3. What tropes do you like writing about the most? (´▽`ʃƪ)

That's honestly a good question, now that I look over my works, both original and fic. I think the thing that crops up the most in both sections is legacy - legacy characters, roles and how we all deal with it and inherit it. I think it really comes from my own experience of being the first freeborn daughter of two different families who escaped Communist Romania prior to the revolution, and the struggles they had to get their freedom. It gives me a lot to think on family legacy in my case, both ancestral and more personal, as I have found myself associating with my mom's inheritance more than I could my dad's.

In the Eagle's Cross Eddsworld universe, Cora and her siblings in the titular series have different ways of reacting to and embracing their ancestors' adventurous, if admittedly outlandish, histories and personalities. In 'The Christmas Calamity,' Jaxx (one of the main characters) is first trying to outright refuse it, but eventually comes to fall in love with it on his own terms and terms he has to redefine. Cora herself in 'The Eagle's Cross' has still to unravel some (honestly very opaque) mysterious past with her ancestors and dragging in her little sister and her own best friend into it.

In my own original detective show, the main detective and her 'Watson' partner are chasing after her hero's own mysteries to solve and eventually have to come up and fight against his enemies; leading the way to find out that her hero's adventures, mysteries and stories entwine closely to her own history and potentially taking up the mantle he sacrificed to save her life.

With Maddox Darling and his adventures in the Galaxy Far Far Away, it's more subtle. The Peter Pan references and links are on purpose, but they're not direct or in-your-face (his surname, the pin he constantly wears from his sister, etc). That being said, while he does have Peter Pan tendencies, his role is more of a Wendy Darling situation, honestly. He'll grow up eventually, but it doesn't mean he'll forget his loves nor stop adventuring. His legacy is more about what he leaves behind on the galaxy's inhabitants circa the Imperial and Rebellion era, but also the kind of legacy they leave on him and how he'll eventually take it home. That's why I love doing RP with him, because he's literally quite a character to Throw Into Situations and I'm figuring out his canon as I go along.

13. Drop a playlist for a story! ♪♡♪

Speaking of Maddox, here's his (slightly old) origin story playlist! I'd crafted it when I was very early on in writing him and did it as part of a character challenge to develop him a little more, so I'll be explaining songs in chapters under the cut.

Life in Aus before the GFFA: Down Under by Men at Work and Slice of Heaven by Dave Dobbins

Going to the GFFA: Starlight Brigade by TWRP feat. Dan Avidan

Settling into the Rebellion and Rebel Life: Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede

Infiltrating the Ship and Imperial Capture: Last Surprise (Cover by Arc Tournament, feat Casey Lee Williams), Eide+Eide Fight (NITW OST)

The Amnesia Process: The Mind Electric by Miracle Musical, Unknowable (NITW OST)

Waking up, Wrecking up and Escaping the Empire's ship, Roaming After the Escape Pod Crash: Black (Homestuck cover by RichaadB), Run! (NITW OST), Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

Reaching through the Force and Recovering Memories: Thirteen (Doctor Who OST, Series 11)

Back to the Rebel Base and Into Regret (I Should Never Have Left Home): Shut Eye by Stealing Sheep, Timshel by Mumford and Sons, I Was Wrong by The Oh Hellos

Amnesia Aches, Grief with Benny and Learning to Grow: Ghost by Ellie Drennan, The Doctor’s Theme (Doctor Who OST, Series 1-2), I Have Made Mistakes by The Oh Hellos

Call to Hope and Adventure Once Again, To Be Continued (I Will Remember and Grow as I Go): And Straight On Till Morning by Marianas Trench, Binary Sunset (A New Hope OST, particularly the horns at the dual suns), Call Me (Cover by Sebastian Böhm)

[khodorkovskaya]

complete recap of my skating camp trip part 1

sooo buckle up besties, get yourselves a cup of tea and let me embark you on this journey with me. to figure skating summer camp!

so it took place in a town in the mountains called V. it's also a ski station. and, as lucien told me, it's quite lowkey. like it's a ski station for swiss people and it's not super touristy, compared to like verbier or crans montana. it's very old money basically. like it's super luxurious, clean and expensive, but it's not flashy like a lot of ski resorts. also it's weird bc i didn't see any young people there. there were mostly 40+ yr olds and elderly couples. and lots of good cars. again, not the flashy types, but like little porsches or just like discrete german cars. i saw one g-wagon with ukrainian number plates, but the rest were like old money cars, you know what i mean? lucien also told me that there's no airbnb there. like it's really not that much of a touristy place.

but anyway, im getting ahead of myself.

so the plan was for me to come there on sunday so that i could spend the night at lucien's parents place and not have to wake up super early on monday bc skating camp started at 8:30. but they didn't want to take me in lol. bc im not family and they were skeptical.

so i ended up waking up at 5am on monday and taking the train at 6. i arrived to the closest train station at like 7:30ish and lucien met me there to drive me to the camp.

and okay right off the bat i knew i was in for a wild ride. bc imagine, it's 7am, i was supposed to meet lucien at the café at the train station. and like as soon as i walk in, he's like super hyped. he had butler energy. like he usually looks pretty rough lol, but this time i was surprised by his appearance bc he had slicked back hair and he was wearing this like really cool red hoodie (from diving school) and the whole look was giving nutcracker like adjshjhg.

anyway, i walk in and he grabs my suitcase and exclaims "madame!!! may i offer you a coffee?" and im like umm sure yeah and he turns to the lady there and he's like "a coffee for madame please!!!! it's my treat for madame!". like it was really giving butler, i was a bit embarrassed bc he was so loud so early in the morning.

then i gave him the tshirt i made. because, getting side tracked, but every year i organise a contest for my birthday for the best video montage and the winners get tshirts with my face on it, it's a whole thing. so yeah i finally gave lucien his tshirt. and he changed into it right then and there. and again i was a bit embarrassed bc like he has a nipple and a bellybutton piercing and his hyped energy weirded everyone out i feel.

so yeah then we got in the car and he drove me around this town like 10 times. he was like "yeahhhh i want you to feel independent, madame. you should know where everything is in case you need anything".

then we got to the rink and met our coaches. and omg they're so good! so there's A who's an ex competitive skater, she went to junior worlds, four continents and sea games. and R who's her ex coach who lowkey reminded me of dave lease lol.

we were the only adults there lol. the rest were girls aged 7 to 15. we were 10 in total.

we lived in a little chalet right next to the rink, it was literally perfect!

then we went on the ice straight away. and it was my 1st time like properly skating in my new skates. and the euphoria i felt when i stepped on the ice oh myyy. i was so happy!

so the way it was organised is that we'd have 3 hours of ice per day. either 1 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon or the other way around. and during each session we'd be split into two groups and alternate between the coaches every 30 minutes.

the lessons were absolutely incredible! like idek how to explain it. but it was like high level stuff. the coaches had a very individual approach tailoured to everyone and it was so good!

after skating we had lunch. and the camp reserved a table at this super nice restaurant for us for lunch and dinner. with a gorgeous view on the valley. and the food was so good!!!! i mean it was tailored towards kids so we had pasta, chicken, chips. croque-monsieurs, that kind of thing. so nothing too spicy or too weird. but to me it was basically comfort food every day and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!

after lunch lucien suggested we go see his parents... and i was a little uneasy bc they didn't want me at their house, right? but he insisted. and i, being eastern european, was like "let's stop by the bakery and get them something for tea". lucien found it a bit strange. and he was like why, so i explained to him that it's impolite to come empty handed if you're invited to someone's house. and he was like "we're not invited, we're just gonna show up". and i was like "that's literally why we should definitely bring something!!!!".

so yeah, we stopped by the bakery and got his parents two pieces of this like pear chocolate cake.

so the parents weren't expecting us, and especially not me, so there was a bit of awkwardness there. but old people usually like me and they were very pleasantly surprised by the cake, so the awkwardness went away pretty quickly. but they were a bit on edge because we just like came without an invitation.

his dad looked a lot like the turtle from kung fu panda lol. and i think he has a cataract or some kind of old people eye problem bc his eyes were a bit weird. meanwhile the mum looked like a typical well off house wife. like makeup in the house, simple clothes that fit her well, tidy hairdo.

the chalet has been the same since the 70s, it had this kitsch 70s decor like flowery wallpaper and greens and orange-browns. they still had lucien and his sister's drawings up dating from the 70s, calendars from the 90s, some old christmas decorations, old family photos, lots of kitschy objects and decor. but it was all very tidy and, despite not being minimalist at the slightest, it didn't give off the vibe of like being hoarded, unlike a lot of poor old people's houses, you know what i mean?

then lucien wanted to show me how to ride a bike because umm yeah confession time, idk how to ride a bike. so he got out his old bike that he's cleaned the day before and we went to the flat part of the road for me to try it out. it was a lot easier than expected and i learned almost immediately.

then lucien asked me if i want to try out his electric bike and i was like sure. so i got on it and oh my god. have you guys ever tried an electric bike? the sensation is incredible! and so i took his bike and rode off lol. meanwhile he was left with the regular one.

and yeah, we ended up cycling for 17km! idk how lucien survived lol bc it was mostly uphill. like he's in such good shape but still.

we ended up missing gym class and got back right in time for the second skating session.

then lucien went home for dinner with his parents, meanwhile i had dinner with everyone else.

oof okay besties, im literally falling asleep. part 2 tomorrow! there's so much tea to spill likeeee y'all are gonna love it, this is just the beginning! laku noc 😘

[greelin]

probably very early on you have to have the conversation with him because as much as he wants to tell himself that he’s concerned with your wellbeing for the sake of appearances (staying in the group and not getting run out/you all not suffering in battles because you’re depleted) he DOES worry that the feeding him thing will be taxing for you and eventually you’ll get tired of stumbling around in the morning. surely shadowheart will end up putting a stake through him with how often you go to her for healing (either by his prompting or her own intervention), and she KNOWS.

so he brings it up as disconnectedly as he can, half-smirking, flirty, and avoiding your eyes. "doesn't this bother you? ultimately, i mean. during and after. after, more so. i can't imagine having to make decisions while lightheaded is particularly.. pleasant." part of him knows that isn't the case. but he still asks. because he has to. even when you're the one coming to him and offering at nearly every opportunity. even when he is so, so careful not to take too much. there's still always that possibility. by his own hand or your own. and you just frown at him. which confuses him even more, because you don't seem angry at HIM. just.. the question. something else. something different and distant and darker. older.

“i.. i won’t pretend i don’t enjoy the feeling during… after, not so much—”

that is enough to make him wince inwardly. because you aren't blaming him. but he knows it does take a toll on you, momentary or otherwise. which he shouldn't care about. but he does. he does care. that's why he always makes sure you're able to sit up. speak. move around. why he presses water into your hands. why he, more often than not, is the one to shoo you over to shadowheart's tent despite your protests. why his eyes roam over the marks he leaves, making sure they're nothing like his own.

"but.. it's. not about that. it's no bother. it's not about me, you know? at the end of the day. at the beginning of it, to. it's about.. you. your happiness. having someone to trust. you feeling... safe. fed. warm. i want you to have that"

you say it like it's so simple. shy but sincere enough to where you're able to look him in the eyes. and those are three words that make him want to jerk back immediately like a startled animal because he does not know what they could mean. he has not known what they meant for hundreds of years.

but you're just giving the meaning to him. so freely. easily. like it's nothing for you to give. effortless. like he deserves it. HIS happiness. you're just... giving. the more you know about him and the more time you spend, you just.. give even more. nothing makes you recoil. suddenly look at him with impatience or disgust. in fact, you seem even MORE hellbent on his happiness the more the days stretch on. it's an unfamiliar concept. being accepted. he's always bracing for an impact that does not come. an ending. having something that is solely his and his alone (done for HIM) wrenched from his grasp by whatever powers that be. but it doesn't ever come. there is no other shoe.

you are just always here. for him. always offering. always smiling. always warm. sharing that warmth.

anyways!

can i say something .