#i like the grocery list one cuz :D

[ju1cyfru1t]

Yellow!! How are you? Hope you are doing good! Just wanna say your whipped Donnie?? Soft Donnie?? Headcanons?? :((( it was so cute :((( literally I’m like your pfp rn :((( absolutely adorable

Idk if you are accepting requests (if not you can ignore it!!) but could you do a similar one for either Raph or Mikey?? I adore the disaster twins, but Raph and Mikey get so little recognition, Headcanons or scenarios :( if you are not feeling it that’s totally ok!! Hope you have a good day! ♥️🧡💜💙

I’m so glad you liked it!!! Have some soft Raph hcs 🫶🏻❤️ hope this is alright???

Rise! Raphael x reader

fluff :D, gn reader, romantic

soft raph hcs :(

- the first time you told him you loved him he just said “thank you” out of panic but tbh it was the funniest shit ever and his brothers never let him live it down.

- More than happy to help you with anything, he is doing it ALL for you.

- Opening and holding every door for you

- You can’t reach the top shelf? Don’t worry, Raph’s got it.

- You need help carrying your groceries in? You need help changing that lightbulb? You need someone to walk you home? Literally anything at all? He’ll be there in 5.

- You’re tired? Sure, he’ll carry you!

- He would pick up hot coals directly from a fire with his bare hands if you asked him to.

- He loves quality time and the little things! Like watching movies, playing games together, having lunch together, almost anything! All that matters to him is that he’s with you.

- He is so scared that he’ll accidentally hurt you yk cuz he’s big and spikey :( so, so gentle

- Treats you like you’re made of glass sometimes

- you make him very nervous, he’s scared he’ll say or do something wrong

- he lacks confidence sometimes, poor Raphie

- will explain all of the Lou Jitsu and Jupiter Jim lore to you as best he can + would insist that you watch all of the movies together (he just wants to spend time with you but he doesn’t know how to just say that)

- tries really hard to think of gifts that you would like

- protective and always looks out for you, not in a possessive way but in the way that he just wants to keep you safe yk? they got a lot of enemies

- “LEO! I told you not to make a mess!” “It was me, sorry-“ “don’t worry about it, let Raph take care of everything.”

- He wants to take care of you. It’s just how he’s used to showing his love.

- esp from his dumbass brothers (Mostly Leo. Donnie and Mikey USUALLY let you live in peace)

- -> “I thought I told you to leave Y/N alone!” “Whaaat? I was just saying hi!”

- Softens and completely drops his usual intimidating, angry demeanor whenever he sees you and the quick switch is painfully obvious. He just thinks you’re so cute. but don’t worry his brothers won’t forget to point out how obvious he is (LEO)

- idk why but I feel like he would have some kind of stuffed animal that you guys act like it’s your child and you take turns taking care of it 😭 yk what I’m talking abt?

- one time he accidentally called you babe in front of Leo, Mikey, Donnie, and April but denies it ever happened

- -> “Hey Raph! Remember when-“ “NO THAT NEVER HAPPENED IDONTKNOWWHATYOURETALKINGABOUT-“

- would never let anyone say anything bad about you

- really appreciates your private moments when you two are alone, he feels much more comfortable this way

- Hesitant, but he will be vulnerable with you because he knows he can be without judgement.

- Please give Raph any kind of reassurance and he is misty-eyed. Tell him he has nothing to worry about, that he is a great leader and boyfriend and you’re proud of him, too many things to list. TELL HIM HE’S PRETTY.

- He LOVES to hold you to his chest, it makes him feel like he’s keeping you safe that way.

- Stares at you all the time, and is embarrassed if you catch him. “sorry-“

- if he were to call you a pet name, most likely to call you ‘baby’ or ‘babe’, maybe even a ‘babydoll’ if he’s feeling bold

- very very sweet overall :(

——————————————————————————

ty for reading <333 rlly appreciate all the notes on everything

still working on + accepting requests !

[spiketheguy]

TADC+Cue: Dear Diary…..

NOTE: This is based on an TADC AU featuring the fan character Cue as part of the cast. The events of this story are set a day before the Pilot episode, written from Cue’s perspective.

Apologies in advance if this comes off as overly cringe ^^’

-------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

HIIIII, Hello there~ :DD

It sure has been a while since I last wrote here. Feels like the days go by so quickly when you’re having fun at the circus, hehe. So, what has happened since last time?

Well, quite a bit to say the least! ^^

I’ve been on SOOO many adventures with the others that it's hard for me to comprehend which one of them was my favorite. Like, like that one adventure where we were split into two bands of pirates hunting down the big treasure. It was me, ‘Checkmate’ and good ol’ ‘Chuckles’ pitted against ‘Buttons’, ‘Ribbons’ and that bloody ‘Rabbit’. He tried shooting my head off point-blank with one of the cannons because he thought I could use a new head, whatever that was supposed to mean ;:T

What else? Oh, the time we were playing hide and seek in an oversized grocery store. I tried to play off as a giant watermelon that day, hahaha….my body couldn’t be found for hours afterwards but it was worth it :D

Oooor-mmmm-OH!, that one where we were in a detective thriller mystery. trying to sniff out just who was the culprit that murdered the owner of the Marvelous Marble Mansion. I was soooo close to figuring out who was the guilty party but I was sadly off by a few details, so ‘Buttons’ got the win on that day. Good for her, at least, but I’ll get the win next time >:3

There’s been plenty more than just those examples but knowing me, I don’t think I could list them all if I even tried, hehehe…hehe … .heh…….

….mmmmmm….……Can I be honest with you?……..I mean…..I suppose I CAN, cuz…. you’re my diary and all….

I….I don’t know if I could ever tell this to the others….but, umm, I kinda….want to stay here. Like, here. At the circus….

I’m saying it like it's a bad thing and if you were to be sentient or something, you might think “Ohhh but Cue. Wanting to stay here at the circus SHOULDN’T be a bad thing, right?”

Well, no. I don’t think so, anyway… It shouldn’t be, because I like it here. I’m having fun here. Yeah, I get hurt a bit here and there, lose my head in the odd accident, or when ‘Rabbit’ decides to play another one of his stupid tricks on me!! >:[

It can be rough, but I can look past all that. Especially when every day brings with it even the slightest sense of joy and merriment. A reason to smile and enjoy my life. It’s way more than what I could ever get back….well, back there….That old place….

….”So what’s the problem?” you might think. Y’know, if you were a sentient diary….

Well, let’s just say that….the other guys? My friends? They don’t share the same feelings. They all just want to get out of the place. Get those headsets off and all that…

Like ‘Ribbons’. First thing that comes to mind with her, the times when she just breaks down crying and wanting to leave. Now on the one hand, I’m not exactly a fan of when the good vibes get killed by a breakdown, and frankly, I don’t know anybody who would be. On the other hand though, I can’t help but feel bad for her whenever she does break.

And I’m not just talking about that flimsy, %$!#-ing mask that practically breaks every day! Like, what the %$!# does ‘Chatters’ make them out of?! Cheap plastic and pinky-promised hope? ;:< I have tried fixing that thing a couple of times as a way to cheer her up. She thanks me, and I appreciate that, but I’m not sure if those kind gestures really helped out. At least, not in the long run anyway…

Then there’s the newer member. I think her name was ‘Zoo-Loo’? She hasn’t taken part in ma-wait. No, not ‘she’, ‘They’! OK, my mistake.

But ‘they’ don’t really take part in a lot of the adventures ever since they joined. And the one time they did, I got partnered with them on that mystery adventure I mentioned, and ‘Zoo-Loo’ just wanted NOTHING to do with it and left me to do a lot of the sleuthing. Not exactly partnering material, they are. I wonder if it's got anything to do with the fact that their body looks like it got cobbled together from a toy chest. I mean, I’d probably be a little miffed too, thinking more about it…

But leaving me to my own accord is still way more preferable than what that ‘Rabbit’ does. Aw man……what happened between us two? It doesn’t feel that long ago when we used to get along pretty well, laughing at the odd practical joke here or two. Then those practical jokes got more frequent, and much more sinister.

After a while, it seemed as if he figured something out that just I’m not smart enough to even comprehend. But it just makes it seem like he’s found a way to, well, ‘cheat the system’. If I could put it into words. And only he seems to find it hilarious now. I’d much rather laugh with him like we used to…

At least I got ol’ ‘Chuckles’ for whenever I do need a good joke to laugh at. I tell ya, his jokes never fail to get my sides splitting. I guess I’m just easy to amuse, hehe…..but, even he’s been acting up lately. It didn’t seem all that obtrusive at first, just him making the occasional comment about ‘finding the exit’ and all that. From my perspective, it seemed like he was taking things well. Now, he just has these moments of cracking up and looking for the way out like a frantic cat in a cage, rambling on and on about ‘the exit’. So I guess I was wrong with that assumption earlier. Perhaps I should try talking to him about this tomorrow. Before it's too late and he……well, you know…..he winds up like Queenie……

Ohh man, Kinger! My old friend… He hasn’t been the same since we lost her. He’s not the same guy whom I had bonded with after first coming here so long ago. Back then, he seemed so much more level headed. I think a lot of that was to do with Queenie. Maybe because she was a chess piece like him, but those two really found a kinship between one another, and looked out for each other through those tough days…now that she’s gone, it's like part of him just…left with her……granted, it’s not like I can’t strike that occasional talk with him like old times. He’s not completely gone but, well…if I’m considered “the lights are on, but nobody's home” kind of guy, he’d be “the house feels emptier now”.

And last, but by no means least……‘Buttons’. Y’know, I still think about the day we first bonded. She had been at the circus for a few days and was still weary about the whole thing. I tried my best to make a good impression, but she just kept to herself the whole time. Then came that day, we were coming back home. The ‘adventure’ that day was pretty underwhelming, looking back……gosh, I can’t even remember what it was, it was that uneventful……but afterward, I felt like playing on my accordion to feel something fulfilling. Yet some way, somehow……THAT was what got her attention. Hehe, I’d toot my own horn but I don’t play the trumpet ^^;

From that day, we got to grow closer to one another. She’s really gotten to like the place now, which makes me happy. At least, I think she likes it.…… This might be about as silly as everything else, but I can’t help but see ‘Buttons’ as…like a sister to me…she’s helped me through a lot of things since, and I in turn helped her. Like we have each other’s back. And losing her……gosh, I-I just don’t know. Maybe I’d wind up like poor Kinger…but even as he is now, I wouldn’t want to lose him. We got so much between ourselves.

I don’t wanna lose those two from my life…frankly, I don’t want to lose any of my friends left here…not even Jax, for as much as I don’t like him these days..…it would all just, bring me back to before I came here… I don’t even know if I could ever go back…..back to that old place……I’ve lost track of how long I have been here that going back almost feels silly now……

It's not like I expect anybody to be waiting for me with baited breath and open arms, anyways. Not with how they see me…….

No, I just…I can’t tell them…… they’ll just make the same argument that I had heard back out there time and time again……I just can’t go back! They can’t make me!! I refuse to go back to them, I DON’T LOVE ME!!! MY F-……

……………………………

I-I’m sorry……I got a little heated there……writing all that down……

…I just, really don’t know if I should tell them about these feelings. But deep down, I know that they’ll find out about them at some point. Then what could I do? I could try and convince them to stay, see things my way perhaps, but……well, I guess giving it a try wouldn’t hurt when the opportunity arrives……and if all else fails, I got ‘Buttons’ to help me. She’d have my back in this, right?

……I’m asking an open book if it knows things……

….Well Diary, whenever that time comes, I can only hope they’re able to see things from my perspective……even if I don’t convince them to stay, I pray they can understand where I’m coming from, when I tell them I can’t go back….back to that old place……

But I think I’ve gone on in this diary long enough. But I can always rely on tomorrow to bring joy into my life here. Just what adventure is waiting for us from ol’ ‘Chatters’?

Maybe we could go skating on giant lollipops and popsicles?

Or maybe, we have to find our way through a literal house of cards??

Or-OR!-maybe even perform theater to a crowd of camera people?!?

Heck, maybe we might have a new member joining us!! Who’s to say? The possibilities are endless!!! :DDD

See Diary, this is the kind of excited feeling that the others should have, if you ask me. I can’t just have all the fun to myself, that’d be boring, and lonesome, and it would just bring me back to……

……I think now is a good time to stop, before I wind up in circles again……

Signing out, Cue

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

Olive Gardin

Adventure timez…!!!!!! soooOooo 2 weekZ ago we defz went to olivE garDin and defz gots 6 baskins of bred sticks n Put dem in hottopic bagg under our table n it wuz SOO FUNNZ to also pretend we were just newly Married w our court ordained ined ring-pops n ask our nameless and hobophobic server if we koild get free desert (she didn’t even say no she just said nothing so we stole tha cheese grater) . da chiggen Gnocci unlimited soup was Def canned but i rly likeD mixing it with the raspberryy iced T cuz i personally think all parts of ur tung shuld b stimulated when U eat Cuz eating is just like fuckin . n my feet hurt sooooooo bad rN cuz of my wooden jeffrey campbellz . but i feel kinda cute . ??? also we ran around beacons talkin bout how the soundcloud beats they played on overhead speaker made us wanna abort all our future fetuses n they laffed then we went to do drugs in the ahmitofu bathroom then kholed n laid on the sidewalk outside then ran into friends and also a local white pervert . :-]

Justin Bieber something something Yea yea yea i forgot the lyriX but ima keep mY eye out for SeleneerRRRRR .!!! >_< >_< <3 Jelena all overzz my TicTac Clock app .! i think im gonna try to find sum j13 magazines oFf ebAy n Make a shrine of pop culture 2000 in moi room . Cuzz like just cuz hailey is lik a enneagram 9 type n avoidant or whatever’s dis not Mean she not phlegmatic . i mean Problematic, my autoKorect go wiLd. :-p ask moi friend Jaime whos dads name is italian Salami. lYke can we talk ab the G tattoo n lik the stalking .?! n Jaden smith friendzoning her hug . SUS.!!!!!! WEERIIIRDD.!!!

im SooooOooOooo sad cuz i accidentally punched myseLf takin off my platformzz comin home from music video shoot on the Lords day N i gave moiself a semi black eye :-[ it wuz kuz i wuz rushing n rly tired cuz yea Idk jus went to bossa n stayed at friendz afties for literally 11 hourzz. n After my cute breakdown at Krazypizza n Wingsz n tryin to protect friends from gettin harassed for spare change off myrtle Bratwurst then tried to climb into a closet on top of a closet . i signed Dat NdA N i kant rly disclose nothInG YET but the wardrobe styling was as professionally listed in email from casting agent:”CUNTY FUCKING FABULOUS DENIM 4 jesus!!!<3 <3 “

Woowwwa has i been burnt out n on tha verge of mf resentment.!! i needs 2 practice giving compassion rather empathy.? n reevalue my boundaries also slow down when it comes to givin my heart cuz im such a mf simp . n Now that i cried for the last 46 hours and 27 min im ready to take the world again.!!!!!! ((online)).

Ty 2 my friends who don’t judge me when i cry cuz i C too many colors when i khole n think bad thoughts.!! and hold my hand while they poo pee n pee poo cuz my friends r sooo talented they can multitask lik dat <3 uwu <3 i still confused y i kholed n saw everything lik in marie antioinette viobez, i think it was The daughter of italiano salami’s vivienne westwood pearlZ that triggered meh. YEA i lik to speak in metaphors n colors n b confusing .! lik this one bitch i don’t talk to anymores twitter cover picture says ,”If im 2 much ….. find less.” =] enemies who giv u life quote inspo>>>>>>>>>

Shuld i just run away n move to connecticut or somewhere w like big grocery stores n like wildflowers on the road n trackerz just so i culd hibernate4a lil.?? i wanna b truly happy n not so heavy hearted n lik Stressed ab living / stayin above water . singing billie eyelash at thurr clurb made me realize i b wanting to cry when i dancin n in a room full of ppl n I rly do b goin out 2 da clurb to find “mutual understanding and good conversation. “4 now Ig ill jus keep distracting myself by watching lesbian dramas (Find that cheater in ur local neighborhood in the PNW.!!) and more Angry angry food reviewers eating cardi B + oFfset ‘a micky D meal ‘ mukbang N watchin dem get really upset cuz they got ripped off . Fast food inflation is crazy n im not sayin it’s ok cuz i still think of everything in Mcchiggen currency .

i want SydneySweedney to be my peeping tom so bad n also to forgive myself for being mean to someone who didn’t deserve it but i was just mad n tired of being heart brokeN. No im not talkin about the uhaul lesbian who love bombed meh the last month n a half n showed up to my house when i told them not to w a bag of mini nutellas n an old ringpop i ated that they tied their hair all around to bind meh to dem . Im also contemplating doing squats to get a fat ass cuz if i can’t get a lobotomy i should probably hav something vein instead to feel better (achieving the same result of happiness at the end but through a different method.) Is that rational.?? i’ve been told i kant rly compartmentalize .

Just cuz we all hav adhd does not mean we don’t kno how to listen n tht rly makes me happy esp cuz im still mad at that callenlourde psychiatrist w the huge badonkadonks who refused to diagnos meh cuz she is a cop. N

i luv goin 2 moi friendzz casa then not knowin her roomie is throwing a party w a local trak meet group n making shashooka N then everybody comes in sweaty even tho it’s sleetingsnowing outside then all these men n one women take off their shirts then put david bowie makeup on N clown costumez then im slowly realizing it was lik mayb lowkey an intended orgy.?!..?! n Im just sitting in the corner nxt to the space heater cuz im low in iron and googling “How long does cocaine last “ cuz along w this street adderal and the copious amounts of Kitty idont rly think i’m loading anymore N ima shashookashoot moiself if a sweaty man is near me again trying to help me hold the vaccuum in place while we scramble to figure out which Hdmi cord is broken. i took the What type of lesbian test r u and it said lipstick. but Idk what any of this means..?!

UGHHHHHHH i def am hexed by another hot self employed lesbian cuz how did I uber us all to they apt the other nite completely sober . tHinking it wuz takin us to moodring. N god damn how did i lose my phone n it wuz under the couch rite nxt to his old vape he lost 2 weeks ago there. Im hexed!.!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dere is sm more to share lik how i kinda still admire my ex Gf who visited nyc this last week even tho they don’t remember denying me closure and how i Found a tboy who is willing to be the community scapegoat for hot afab femmes / A human bench , and my new obsession the word assburgers . N how my roomie n i went to pick up a couch from a man in queens who told us to go in n make ourselves at home when we arrived 5 min earlier than him cuz the heartshaped lock on the door was unlocked but im tired n hav to work on confronting my addiction to chicken as a vegan , getting a blink membership n getting hotter. love u all <3

—Renny whowill get a fat asssoon Chang cuz if i can’t hav a lobotomy i want power .

[shoezuki]

My only gripe with mcc games rn is the lack of color blind accessibility in certain games.

I think someone pointed out that people who have protanopia, which is yellow-green color blindness (and also the one george has im pretty sure? Thats the reason the op brought it up, anyways) makes it hard to see the differences between the sand on the sot map and literally anything else, the colors on the wall are also hard to distinguish if its green or red and crack stone with gold in it is hard to distinguish.

I didnt really realize until i watched george's pov that he was really struggling with the sand and getting frustrated that he just couldnt find it even when chat would point it out, and that def can put a damper on the fun of a game

But stuff like that is more of a "the textures or color scheme should be different" sorta issue rather than a game mechanics issue (some people even suggested they change it to red sand or something because apparently thats enough contrast for people with protanopia can see a difference)

But for build mart? Maybe something to help point people in the right direction when it comes to getting blocks since for some people the issue has to do with memory??? I mean, they could just write out their own list if need be (though that might take time out of playing the game) so idk

GOD YA ABSOLUTELY! like george n other colorblind ppl shouldnt struggle to even See sand or not know what doors are blue or green or whatever. Like that IS a flaw in mcc less in the mechanics but more in the artistic design of the games. It makes aspects of it far more unfairly challenging.

I seen it mentioned a few times but i wish itd be talked bout more like. It Would be p easy to fix. Increasing the contrast of blocks like the sand. Adding specific textures to doors and other blocks. It would also jus add more variance n make the games more visually appealing in general.

For memory issues. Like either depending on teammates could work n havin someone keep track of whats needed n everyone else get sent out. OR something they could add is everyone gets a book n quill they can use like a grocery list.

[theomnicode]

Im studying Sales management. I saw this and I instantly remembered you

Ah yeah, maslow's hierachy of needs topic haha.

Now that I think about it, Saitama really can't resist a sale can he...a metaphor for all the deficiency needs he has, cuz food and water is also a metaphor for food for the heart and soul. That social interconnectivity because even if he waters and gives sunlight to the cactus himself, it would never grow.

Funny how that works. Once again, ONE is just being very clever with metaphors.

Longer post ahead than this should probably warrant but my brain got tickled a bit by the fact that it's being used in sales.

The most fundamental four layers of the pyramid contain what Maslow called "deficiency needs" or "d-needs": esteem, friendship and love, security, and physical needs. If these "deficiency needs" are not met – except for the most fundamental (physiological) need – there may not be a physical indication, but the individual will feel anxious and tense. Deprivation is what causes deficiency, so when one has unmet needs, this motivates them to fulfill what they are being denied.[2] Maslow's idea suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before the individual will strongly desire (or focus motivation upon) the secondary or higher-level needs. Maslow also coined the term "metamotivation" to describe the motivation of people who go beyond the scope of basic needs and strive for constant betterment.

Haha funny gag haha...

Whomever gets in the between of Saitama's social interconnectivity (like hurting Genos), gets the fist like Carnage Kabuto. Because that's one thing that really upsets him.

Saitama going to the supermarket just to get that social interconnectivity reminds me of old people going to the grocery store to have a chat with the cashier just so they can get that little bit of social connectivity with people, because otherwise they are lonely and isolated.

Now I just feel emotional damage like Saitama below.

Hiziki has been mentioned before though, in OPM game from 2020 where Saitama obtains a large quantity of Hiziki on a deal and gives rest to the player because he can't use that much.

(I love that ONE thinks about the international fanbase and how Hiziki is the only romanji food item on that list just to draw attention)

Hijiki has been a part of the Japanese culinary sphere and diet for centuries. It is rich in dietary fiber and essential minerals such as calcium, iron, and magnesium. According to Japanese folklore, hijiki aids health and beauty, and thick, black, lustrous hair is connected to regular consumption of small amounts.[citation needed] Hijiki has been sold in United Kingdom natural products stores for 30 years and its culinary uses have been adopted in North America. Recent studies have shown that hijiki contains potentially toxic quantities of inorganic arsenic, and the food safety agencies of several countries (excluding Japan), including Canada, the United Kingdom, and the United States, have advised against its consumption

Basically, in small quantities, such thing that Saitama craves, food for the heart and soul, would aid his healing process and growth...but in large quantities, it would be poisonous to his health. Or he manages to obtain what he desperately craves in large amounts, but what it actually contains is toxic to his health.

Negative emotions such as anger. That he channels with his divine power.

Symptoms of arsenic poisoning begin with headaches, confusion, severe diarrhea, and drowsiness. As the poisoning develops, convulsions and changes in fingernail pigmentation called leukonychia striata (Mees's lines, or Aldrich-Mees's lines) may occur.[10] When the poisoning becomes acute, symptoms may include diarrhea, vomiting, vomiting blood, blood in the urine, cramping muscles, hair loss, stomach pain, and more convulsions. The organs of the body that are usually affected by arsenic poisoning are the lungs, skin, kidneys, and liver.[11] The final result of arsenic poisoning is coma and death.

It can also be read that by farting, Saitama's body was trying to establish homeostasis again, because he ignored his own physiological needs by not even having to breathe in space. Same with the sneeze. Such a state is unhealthy to be in.

Basically, his divine power, in large quantities when channeled by his negative emotions, would probably end up killing him. Somehow. Mentally.

Garou chose to nope out really fast. Better than going insane like Saitama.

Saitama made it in time this time around...but we've only scratched the surface of time traveling haven't we?

We have plenty time in the series to hurt the people Saitama is close to. :D

Or...Saitama getting hurt by the people he's close to because he simply can't resist a good sale. He just has to get his hands on a good deal, yeah.

Just like he cannot resist a good sale, he can hardly resist an opportunity for social interconnectivity when it presents itself because he doesn't want to be isolated...even if hurts his mental state if those people take advantage of him, like his hospitality.

Saitama has friends now and still can't seem to catch a break with his acquaintances can he?

I guess we can only trust in King and Genos.

Oh wait, not Genos. Not anymore. Because he became disingenuous in chapter 169. Because of too much divine energy. Rip.

What a shame that King is a regular human then and not even a hero. And seems to attract monsters like flies.

[dragoon811]

Can I have a hug?

I am depressed. I am so tired. I am overwhelmed.

What I want to do: Spend time with my kids Play with my kids Spend time with my spouse Craft stuff for baby's 1st birthday (Sunday) Hell, craft anything Write Maybe have a soak Sleep dear god please let me sleep What I need to do: Take my puffer cuz covid Take my various meds because I suck Register toddler for kindergarten Find documents to prove we live here for completing said registration Meal plan Plan daytime routine for toddler Work Make grocery lists Clean the house Refold laundry cat toddler knocked over Put away laundry even though it's all fucking labeled just fucking put it away Shower, eventually Feel like a nag for asking for basic household shit like clean litterboxes or sweeping up a mess that takes 20 seconds to do but I was gone for 8.5 hours and it wasn't touched please just please Plan birthday party Plan crafts for birthday party Work side stuff, like dealing with things like useless coworkers and training newbies Plan paying bills Make budgets Wrap birthday gifts Find birthday cards fuck I swear I don't get time to myself, aside from "stolen" time when I should be sleeping. My drive to work? Spent amping myself up into Retail Mode. My lunch? Pumping breastmilk and either calling home (I miss my spouse and children!!!) or doing my daily french lessons. My drive home? Call spouse. Maybe stop and grab gas/groceries/run other needed errand. I sit in my car and feel miserable because I sit and listen to a single song before I go inside. (Spoiler? It's Surface Pressure from Encanto because that's how I feel right now)

I miss having time to paint my toenails or put lotion on my hands and even though I've put lotion on lately it's baby lotion and my hands are cracked and awful and I don't even know where my good lotion IS. I have at least started putting on makeup again. It's not much and takes maybe three minutes but at least it's sparkly.

Have a soak? Nah. I'm either a) too damn tired, b) a toddler is coming in!!!!, c) baby awake! needs boob!!, or d) hello period I have not missed thee.

Write? Not unless I do it on my phone backwards in the dark while feeling miserable and depressed.

Craft? NO! Sit at my desk and feel useless and depressed! Crochet? Nope!!! Nevermind that the blanket in progress is untouched. Nevermind that I want to make a hat for toddler. Never mind that I need a winter hat and it will take me literally a total of four hours but no, I am going to sit there and feel miserable.

Watch TV with spouse? Hahah - nope! Baby's awake! Get her back to sleep with magical boobies!

Game with spouse? Nope! He's too tired!!

Sit in my home in the night wanting to clean up but not wanting to wake my spouse or children. Wake up exhausted and aching for -sleep-. Worry constantly about the kiddos because one is only eating junk and we've basically been told to not give her anything until she eats healthy and that's going to hurt me because I cannot handle when she cries for things she needs even though it's good for her in the long run. And the other isn't gaining weight fast enough for the doctor even though she's an eating machine and eats anything unlike her big sister.

Can I...can I just have a break? Please? I am so, so tired. I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and have to carry everything.

Pressure like a tick tick tick....

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Carnival of Hearts (Part 3/6) ~ Bucky x Reader College!AU

A/N: Happy Friday my lovelies! Part 3 is here. :) 

This is my entry for @buckysknifecollection​​ ‘s 3k Follower Challenge. Congrats on the milestone lovely! Go check out the blog. Personal fave is Hush (a must read if you’re into soft!Biker!Bucky)

Prompt: Our friends set us up on this carnival date but we’re both pining after someone else and this a bit awkward

Summary: When you’re set up on a carnival date with Bucky Barnes NOTHING turns out the way you expected.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Word count: 2090

Story Masterlist | Main Masterlist

When you came back from the restroom, Bucky was sitting at the picnic table scribbling in a notebook.

“So you’re a writer?”

Bucky jumped and snapped the leather bound journal shut.

“I… what? This was just a grocery list.”

You frowned at the obvious lie, but decided not to call him on it opting for a different tactic.

“Oh. Sorry. Nat had mentioned you were doing a minor in creative writing, so I kind of just assumed. Sorry.”

You sat down beside him.

“No apology necessary. And I am doing a minor in creative writing. And that wasn’t my grocery list.”

“I figured.”

You smiled encouragingly.  

“I guess I just don’t consider myself a writer. I mean I want to be… Someday. That’s the dream.”

“Do you write now?”  

“Yeah, but it’s just a hobby.” He shrugged. “I’ve never been published.”  

“You don’t have to published to be a writer. You just have to write.”

“Well when you put it like that…”

“I’m sure that you’re a great. You see the world in a different way. What do you write about?”

He exhaled a laugh, bobbing his head slightly.

“Love mostly. Wanda calls me a hopeless romantic. She’s right of course.”

You nudged his shoulder with your own.

“Well, you’re in good company. Love’s a big topic though.”

“I’ll never run out of material that’s for sure. Recently I’ve been favoring quiet love. Love that comes out of nowhere but that you can find everywhere. Love that surrounds you until you couldn’t be more sure of it.”  

“Wow,” you breathed out. “If that’s just you talking I can’t imagine what your writing must be like.”

Bucky blushed at the praise.

“Thanks, doll.”

“Have you ever shared your writing?”

He hesitated before nodding.

“I have a blog. Anonymous, because I’m so not ready to put my name on anything.”

“That’s fine. You don’t have to. But it’s great that you’re putting it out there. If you ever want to share it - not anonymously - let me know.”

You were happy to leave it at that, but Bucky surprised you when he pulled out his phone. You quickly grabbed his hand to stop him.

“You don’t have to show me.”

“I know,” he smiled. “I want to. I’m not sure why. But I want to.”

“I’m honored.”

He scrolled through his phone for a few moments before handing it over.

“Read this one.”

You nodded, and cradled the phone in your hands as you began reading.

 Longing from right beside you.

We embrace, my limbs slow, awkward as if rusted.

Your hand in mine, my cheeks red, hotter than a furnace.

Your smile brighter than the sun at daybreak, it warms me.

It disarms me.

I am seventeen again.

Hiding. Questioning. Unsure.

My desire is benign. It is pure.

Nine o’clock every morning - a new quiet beginning.

Seven o’clock every evening - the sweetest homecoming.  

One press of your lips on mine hits me like a freight car.

I am lost.

I am yours.

 “Wow, Bucky, this is…”

“Terrible. Dry.”

“No. It’s beautiful. And I can feel the emotion. Oh my. You are so talented. Thank you for sharing this with me.”  

“Thanks for not judging me.”

“Why would I judge you?”

“Some people think writing is dumb.”

“I think those people are dumb.”

“I dream of being a published author someday. But every time I start making plans, I’m reminded that writing isn’t a guaranteed career.”

“There are no guarantees in life. And if you ask me, you should take some of your own advice.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You told me that you think Sam should be a chef because it’s what makes him special.”

“Yeah?”

“Well, your writing is what makes you special. And you should give it a fair shot. I think the world needs the words of Bucky Barnes.”

“Thank you for that.”

“Any time. I like to aggressively hype up my friends, so you should probably get used to it.”

Bucky’s laugh was deep and booming.

“You’re the best.”

“Yes. Yes I am.”

Bucky let you read a few more pieces, each more beautiful than the last. He had the heart of a man in love.    

“So since you know mine, what’s your dream profession?” he asked as you walked back towards the roller coasters after completing your first circuit.

“Photographer,” you replied without skipping a beat.  

“Damn, I had my money on news anchor.”

“Well, I am a journalism major. It seemed like a safer bet.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow at you.

“You don’t have to say it.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything.”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

You laughed and rolled your eyes.

“When did you fall in love with photography?”

You had to think for a moment.

“When I was six or seven, my dad bought me a toy camera and I immediately ran around the house taking a million pictures. And when we got the prints I glued them onto construction paper and taped them up around my living room like it was a gallery that I forced my parents to tour. They were very supportive considering it was mostly blurry pictures of a mop.”

“But I’m sure your passion showed through.”

You smiled appreciatively.  

“Still. But I fell in love with it when I realized that two people can look at the same photo and see a totally different story. And both of them could have a different understanding than the photographer.”

“It definitely illustrates the effect of the consumer’s perspective. That was always my favorite part of literary discussions.”  

“Yes. Totally.”

“Okay, so if journalism isn’t the goal, what is?”

“Freelance photographer I guess. I actually had this idea to make a blog and do weekly photo story prompts, so people could submit their stories based on the pictures and then people could come read and enjoy them. And if it got big enough I could start hosting writing challenges and contests. Steve keeps hounding me to set it up. He says it would give people a chance to fall in love with my photos in a different way.”

“That’s a great idea. I think you should do it.”

“Nah, I doubt anyone would want to do something like that.”

“Are you kidding? It sounds amazing. You would just need to get the word out in the writing community. I would definitely participate.”

“Really?” you asked, excited by the prospect.

Bucky smiled and nodded.

“I might even put my name on it for you.”

After the roller coaster, you made your way to the pirate themed pendulum ride, trying to position yourselves so you’d have your pick of seats by letting a few people go ahead of you.

“Do you have a favorite photograph you’ve taken?” Bucky asked, as you let another family pass you.

You bit your lip.

“That’s a yes. Will you show it to me some time?”

“I can show it to you now if you really want to see it.”

“I would love to.”

You could sense that his interest was genuine so you slipped your phone out of your pocket and opened Instagram.

“This one is my favorite,” you stated, clutching the screen against your chest.

“You don’t have to show me, you know.”

“I know.”

You smiled and with a deep breath turned the phone to show him.

“Umm that’s just the background.”

You looked at it and sure enough you’d accidentally exited the app.

“Damn it. Okay one second. Here we go.”

You showed him the phone with much less fanfare, but his reaction was immediate.

“Wow.”  

You’d taken the photo after dinner one night. Steve was leaning against the wall on the balcony sketching by the light of a full moon and the mini lanterns you’d wrapped around the railing. You had to capture the moment. Steve heard you fumbling with your camera and looked up just in time, a soft smile gracing his features.

“Perfect,” you murmured as you looked at the shot.

“Yeah, you are.”

“Steve’s the one who encouraged me to put some of my photos on Instagram. But I told him I’d only do it, if that was the first one. It’s still my most popular post. Nat says it’s cuz he’s pretty.”

“He is for sure,” Bucky chuckled. “But he’s also soulful. I want to know what makes a man that happy.”

He had his suspicions.

“I think this should be my next post,” you cooed as you showed Bucky the picture of him cuddling the plush wolf you had won him at the ring toss.  

“Delete that.”

“Literally never.”

He pouted. “Come on, please.”

You shook your head.

“Nope. This is my new favorite photo. You’re adorable and I’m never deleting it.”

Bucky had only known you a few hours, but he could tell when he should cut his losses.

“Fine. But if you’re keeping that one. We should at least have a cute one of the both of us.”

“That’s a fabulous idea.”

Bucky moved so he was straddling the bench of the picnic table, and you shuffled so that you were in between his legs. You put your phone in selfie mode and took one photo before a woman approached you.

“Would you like me to take a photo of the two of you?”

“Sure, that would be great!”

You handed her your phone as you and Bucky re-situated yourself so you were sitting side by side. Bucky wrapped an arm around your shoulder and the stuffed animal sat on your laps.

She took several photos and you were giggling when Bucky had his wolf kiss you on the cheek.  

“Here you go. I took a bunch.”

“Thank you so much.”

“It’s so nice to see a young couple so in love.”

She walked away before you or Bucky could respond. You both shared an unsure expression as an awkward silence fell between you.  

“Do you want to plan out what to do until lunch?” he asked, not making eye contact.

“Yeah, sure. That sounds like a good idea,” you agreed.

That woman’s comment was repeating on a loop as you thumbed through the pictures she took. You did make a cute couple, but despite having a great time with him so far, you weren’t feeling a spark. What if Bucky was though? Had you been leading him on?

“Y/n, are you okay?”

“What? Sorry, Bucky.”

Bucky chuckled and you saw understanding in his expression which made the knot in your stomach loosen.

“Did it freak you out too?”

You laughed half-heartedly. “That obvious huh?”

“Only a little.”

“Don’t get me wrong. Today has been awesome. And you’re fantastic.”

“Thank you.” He bobbed his head in gratitude. “So are you.”

“Thanks. But,” you drew out the word. “I just don’t feel that spark.”

Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip as you braced for his reaction.  

“Oh thank god.”

You turned to him with wide eyes.

“I don’t either.”

“You don’t?”  

Bucky shook his head. “You’re amazing. And I really want to be best friends with you. But…”

“That’s all,” you finished for him.

He nodded. You blew out a relieved breath.

“Full disclosure. I think Wanda set this up because she was tired of me pining over someone.”

“You mean Sam?” you asked with a knowing smile.

He was unsurprised you’d figured it out.

“I don’t hide it well, do I?”

“I had my suspicions, but you could probably chalk it up to be being best friends and roommates. But it’s all over your writing.”

“That’s fair.”

“And in the interest of honesty. Nat 100% set me up so I would get over my own dumb crush.”

“On Steve,” he stated matter-of-factly.  

You swatted at his arm when you saw his smirk.

“Don’t be smug.”

“I’m not. I’m amused. Your art gives you away too. The way you see Steve comes through in your photos. They’re beautiful, breathtaking even, but definitely an insight into your heart.”

“Not the worst critique of my work I’ve received,” you joked, making you both laugh.

“This is pretty awkward huh. We’re on this date - which is honestly one of the best I’ve been on - and we’re both pining after other people.”

“Well, at least we’re not pining after the same person. That would be way more awkward. And it’s one of the best dates I’ve been on too.”

“I know that this isn’t what they were hoping for, but I’m really glad that Natasha and Wanda set us up.”

“So am I.”

A/N: EEEEE okay, so I hope that you enjoyed this. I know it may not be what you expected (or you might totally have expected it) just sit tight. It’s gonna be fluffy I promise. 

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[tunaaa]

Can I request Mayuzumi Chihiro meeting his future s/o for the first time? Thanks so much!

Deja Vu | Mayuzumi Chihiro

A/N: sorry,,,, procrastination is my passion lololol N E ways enjoyyyyy. I really did enjoy this concept but I’m not sure if I represented his personality that well,,,,, so feel free to tell me if I slipped up someone’s personality cuz I know how hard it is when a character is too ooc

Pair: Mayuzumi Chihiro x reader

Genre: fluff and a tiny tiny bit of angsts

Return to the Masterlist

——-

It was during summer break when he first met you. It was pure coincidence, or so he thinks.

His mom had kicked him out of the house to get some groceries. He dragged his feet down the sidewalk and reached the nearest supermarket.

“Milk…..Soy Sauce……the heck is a butt pudding”

Skimming through the list his mom left him, he encountered some strange items. As he tried to figure out what in the world, were those things written on the list, he bumped into someone.

(h/c) hair appeared in front of him.

“Oh, Chi! Hey, what cha doing?”

“Chi?”

He was stunned, no one had called him so intimately. Even his mother only called him by his first name. But who was this person? He swear he never saw them before. Sure he wasn’t the most sociable person, but he had no recollection of this person in front of him.

“Who are you?”

He blurred out. They looked surprised that he had not recognized them. Then it seems a light bulb was lit in their head. Revealing a knowing smile, they stuck a hand out and introduced themself.

“Hi, I’m (l/n) (f/n).”

It was a simple introduction, but Chihiro didn’t understand why his heart was beating so fast. Mirroring their action he also introduced himself.

For the next week, the (h/c) haired beauty followed him around. At first he was annoyed, who was the person following him around and calling him so intimately, so he made things harder for them, hoping to chase them away. But slowly he got used to their presence.

“Hey”

They were walking him back from the arcade, when he called out.

“Hmm?”

They twirled around, and looked at him.

The sight was beautiful. An image he wanted to burn into his head. (h/c) hair swaying in the wind and the sunset hitting perfectly on their face. A gentle smile on their lips as they answered.

“How do you know me?”

This question had plagued his mind ever since they met. They knew everything about them to the point it was creepy. Things that he didn’t even know himself. In the beginning he had suspected him of being a stalker, but that was ruled out. He would have known if he was being stalked since there were cameras everywhere in the neighborhood. The more he thought about it the more confused he became.

“Hahahahahahahahahahaha”

He watched with wide eyes as he looked at her burst into laughter.

“Did I say something?”

They continued to laugh, occasionally gasp for air. They were cackle like they had heard the funniest joke in the world. Chihiro stood there confused as to what to do.

“D-d-d-don’t w-worry bout it”

They managed to get out before bursting out in another round of laughter.

Confused was an understatement, he didn’t understand what he had said to warrant such a reaction. However watching you laugh till your sides hurt, allowed him to pop a smile of his own. After a solid 10 minutes, you finally calmed down, occasionally still stifling a chuckle. You spotted a convenient store and decided to buy a snack to eat on the way to his home.

By the time you guys came out of the convenient store it was already dark out. Munching on your popsicle, you guys engaged in a one sided conversation, with you mostly talking, about your future aspirations.

Summer vacation soon came to an end. Both of you sat by a river bank, chatting about random things.

“Will you still be here?”

Chihiro suddenly blurred out. In contrast to his expectations, you shook your head.

“Most likely not, I need to go back, there’s someone waiting for me”

He was losted. He wasn’t sure what to do. Tell them to stay? No, that’s too selfish of him. He could only watch as they spent their last moments together. Until something caught his eyes.

Their hands. It was fading. He tried to say something but they only shook their head and stated it was their time to go. Quickly their hands disappeared, followed by their arms and soon they were gone.

He went home that day, feeling dazed, like he was dreaming. Even the next day, he was still in a trancelike state. He didn’t bother socializing with his classmates, not like he ever did. Days passed with him spacing out in class, going to the rooftop and reading his light novels. Everything was so mundane until he caught sight of something.

(h/c) hair, (e/c) eyes and most importantly that smile.

He could never forget that smile.

Slowly he made his way towards them. Chihiro noticed how much younger you are, he thought it was your sibling but no one can imitate that smile, not even family. He ended up standing off to the side, instead of speaking to you.

He was determined to crack this mystery, before he remembered something you said, and it clicked. He absolutely one thousand percent sure, you were the one.

Standing up from his seat on the rooftop, he walked down the stairs, into the hallways, hoping to see you again, until he bumped into someone.

Looking down, it was you.

It felt like Deja Vu. A beautiful encounter.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

Maybe I Am? - Chpt.1

Characters: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Summary: After meeting in a chatroom Steve and Bucky finally meet up in real life, however Bucky isn’t anything Steve was expecting. Master list HERE.

Content Warning: a very confused Steve, an adorably disappointed Bucky. 

Word Count: 3.1k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! One of my favorite versions of Steve is the sweet confused Steve, and so I decided to have a little fun with him in this fic. Also, Steve Rogers is a Slytherin and I will fight ya’ll to the death on that one. If you don’t believe me read #10 in THIS article. There will be six chapters total, one posted every evening until we’re done. Hope you enjoy! XOXO - Ash

Chapter One

Bucky stared at Alpine, desperate for more companionship than the fluffy white cat could provide. He’d been stuck inside for the past four days while he got over the damned late winter cold he’d caught. Bucky hadn’t been sick in almost two years so he couldn’t really complain, but he was social by nature and Alpine could only do so much for her end of the conversation. He finally drug himself out of bed, carrying his fluffy duvet to the sofa with him so he could throw on a rerun of The Good Place and fire up his laptop. Bucky logged into the chat site he used to frequent that hosted discussions on all different fandoms from movies to television shows to music. He used to love hanging out online in some of the Harry Potter chats, especially HuffleHaven which he was pleased to see was still active. Bored and not really feeling up to fangirling at a level appropriate for a proud Hufflepuff, he hopped into a punk rock appreciation chat to hopefully find a way out of his bored funk. 

WinterBae: so ur a Greenday fan?

AmericanIdiot: What was your first clue?

WinterBae: well i heard the sounds of hysteria

AmericanIdiot: LOL nice. Is that your cat in the profile pic?

WinterBae: yuppp, that’s my girl Alpine

AmericanIdiot: She looks sweet. So, what fandom are you here for?

Bucky flicked over to view AmericanIdiot’s profile and was instantly smitten with the blonde who claimed punk rock was life and he could live on tacos alone if given the chance. He wondered briefly if the pic was real, it wasn’t unheard of for people to use model’s photos instead of their own, and the guy in AmericanIdiot’s picture was definitely model worthy. Tall, buff, and gorgeous; Bucky was definitely interested in more than conversation. Well, nothing to make himself feel better than a little harmless flirting. 

xxXxx

Three months later.

AmericanIdiot: I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.

WinterBae: oh come on! it’s not that bad, just let the hat sort you and i’ll let you retreat to your boring punk rock group. 

AmericanIdiot: You so owe me for this one. 

WinterBae: puhleeeease please please please

AmericanIdiot: FINE. But you still owe me. 

WinterBae: whatever you want. Promise :D

[Private Chat Initiated]

AmericanIdiot: Well shit. 

WinterBae: was i right??

AmericanIdiot: I hate you. 

WinterBae: nope, u luv me. and i told u so ;)

AmericanIdiot: How in the ever loving fuck am I a Slytherin?? I literally help my neighbor with her grocery bags every week! I feel like a puppy kicker now.

WinterBae: the hat sees inside ur soul puppy kicker mwahaha

AmericanIdiot: You totally owe me. 

WinterBae: fine. coffee? sunday morning maybe? r u near red hook? 

AmericanIdiot: I’m over in Park Slope. So not too far. Wait, are you serious? You really want to meet up?

WinterBae: let’s meet @ magnolia cafe 10am on sunday

AmericanIdiot: But how will I know it’s you?

WinterBae: i’ll wear a red rose tucked in my hair. cuz i’m classy like that lol

AmericanIdiot: Haha. Nice. I can’t wait.

WinterBae: me too :)

Steve closed the lid of his laptop, unable to believe his luck. He was finally going to meet WinterBae in real life after months of witty banter and playful flirting. He pulled on his sneakers, ready to go run out all the nervous energy thrumming inside him, and he hoped he wasn’t getting his hopes too high. Sam had already pointed out several times that he didn’t know a whole lot about WinterBae, not even what she really looked like. Steve maintained he wasn’t shallow and he knew enough about her to know that she was everything he’d hoped to find in a woman. She was bright and funny, kept him on his toes for sure, and had a biting wit that left him laughing harder than he had in years. Steve had been so lonely since Peggy up and left him, moving back to England after eight months of living together. He was finally ready to move on and he hoped WinterBae would be the one to do that with. 

Across the bustling streets of Brooklyn, in his little apartment in Red Hook, Bucky was rapid fire texting Nat about his date. She cheered him on good naturedly, happy he was actually putting himself back out there after the disaster that was Brock Rumlow. Bucky was proud that he’d been so smooth in asking AmericanIdiot to meet up, or at least smooth by his own nerdy standards. He reminded himself several times that even if the profile pic wasn’t really AmericanIdiot, he would most likely still be interested. How could he not be after spending the past three months talking to the guy every day? They talked about everything together and Bucky felt like he knew AmericanIdiot better than some of his real life friends. Two more days and he would have a name and a face to put with the amazing, brilliant, artistic guy he was completely head over heels for. Now he just had to figure out where to buy a red rose.

xxXxx

Bucky sat at a small cafe table inside Magnolia Cafe, trying not to fidget with the rose tucked behind his ear. He felt a little silly for wearing it, but also kind of like he was in a romance novel waiting to meet his knight in shining armor. He had worn his very best skinny jeans and a black button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, leaving his assortment of bracelets on display. He wasn’t getting his hopes up, but damned if he wasn’t going to look his best just in case. Nat had insisted on going along, wanting to make sure Bucky’s online friend wasn’t some kind of creeper. The fierce redhead sat a few tables away, poised and ready to strike should the guy make any untoward moves. Bucky loved how protective Nat was, though honestly she was a bit terrifying at times. So he waited, scrolling through Buzzfeed News, hoping that maybe this once luck would be on his side.

Steve was so nervous he was sweating a little by the time he got to the cafe. He wiped his palms on the side of his tee shirt, wondering belatedly if he should have put in a little more effort. All he had was work clothes anymore, even the navy tee he had on was emblazoned with their star logo and the name of their gym underneath. Paired with the only jeans he owned and a lightweight leather jacket, he hoped he would make a good first impression. WinterBae had mentioned being into fashion but Steve had never had an eye for that sort of thing. Nerves rising, Steve hoped he would be able to find WinterBae easily. He knew only that she would have a red rose tucked in her hair, and from a brief mention a few weeks ago about haircuts, he knew to expect shoulder length wavy brown hair. But that was it. Steve reminded himself that he needed to go into this with open eyes, if nothing else he would walk away with a new friend. Someone other than Sam to hang out with, somewhere other than the gym they co-owned. Deep down though, he still hoped for more.

The cafe was dimly lit inside and it took Steve a minute to let his eyes adjust. He scanned the room quickly, taking note of all the women sitting at various tables. Most were with other people, leaving only four on their own, but try as he might he couldn’t spot red roses on any of them. He felt a pang of disappointment but prayed he was just early and not being stood up. He was about to go order himself an Americano to sip while he waited when he heard a rough, masculine voice call out “AmericanIdiot?” in a tone tinged with awe.

Steve turned in the direction of the voice to see a man about his age with a red rose tucked into his shoulder length wavy brown hair. His mouth moved while his brain reeled, “WinterBae?”

“Yeah! Hey!” Bucky felt like he was vibrating out of his skin; he was so thrilled. The blonde god standing in front of him really was the man from the picture, and he looked even better in real life, if that was possible. Brilliant, sweet, and hot. Bucky had hit the jackpot. 

Steve let himself be pulled into a warm hug, the man was a few inches shorter than his own 6’2” and fit nicely against his chest. The man. WinterBae was a man. Steve replayed all of their conversations in his head and kept coming up with the same assumption. Steve had never once in a million years thought he was a man. He supposed in retrospect that having a female best friend, a love of clothes, and a cat he called a “fur baby” was not necessarily concrete signs of being a woman, but damned if Steve had even thought twice about WinterBae’s gender. He forced himself to return the hug, happy to meet a new friend, even though his heart was crushed under the disappointment that nothing more would be coming of this meeting. 

“I’m so glad you made it.” Bucky told him as they pulled apart.

“Of course. Gotta get my cup of coffee for being tortured by a magical hat.” 

Bucky laughed, a rich rumbling sound, “Yeah, a Slytherin would never pass up the opportunity to benefit off the kindness of others.” 

“Well at least your poor little Huffle-brain won’t realize what’s going on.” 

“Ouch, punk. Those are some strong words from someone who watched Sorcerer's Stone for the first time less than a month ago.” 

“It’s your fault I did too, jerk. Uh, you can call me Steve by the way.” 

“Steve, nice. It suits you. I’m Bucky. Well, James, but everyone calls me Bucky.” 

“Now that’s a story I have to hear.” Steve said with a laugh and let Bucky lead him over to the line for his drink. 

They ended up spending two and a half hours talking at their little table at the cafe. Coffee turned into a muffin to split, which turned into a panini and iced teas for both of them. Steve couldn’t remember the last time conversation flowed so easily with someone. Talking to Bucky felt like they had been best friends for years opposed to only knowing each other a few months. They topic hopped relentlessly, never losing each other along the way. Steve found himself laughing so hard his ribs hurt when Bucky spoke about one of his teenage misadventures with his sister Becca. 

Bucky was very clearly flirting by the time they finished their lunch; shooting Steve sweet little smiles every so often and pushing his hair back behind his ear coyly. Steve knew he should put the breaks on the flirting, he didn’t want to lead Bucky on, but it was so much easier to just smile along with him. In his thirty years of life, Steve had never once questioned his sexuality. Men had never held any attraction for him, but something about the way Bucky chewed on his bottom lip, the tiny tip of his pink tongue peeking out, had part of Steve wanting to taste that lip himself. 

With a cough, Steve shook his head, trying to clear his unexpected wayward thoughts. “I’m sorry, I missed that.” he prompted.

Bucky titled his head slightly with a lopsided smile, “It’s okay. I was just saying that my sister was the one who gave me the courage to come out to my parents. She came out first and seeing how my parents reacted made it a lot easier for me to. She was only 15 at the time, but she always has been a hell of a lot braver than I am.” 

“I doubt that. But that’s great you guys are so close.” 

“Yeah, she’s been my best friend since the day she was born. Well, other than Nat, but don’t tell her that.” Bucky chuckled thinking back on the loving bickering Becca and Nat used to do when they were younger. “So how did you come out to your parents?” 

Steve wanted to die on the spot. A bright blush tinged his cheeks, staining his pale skin all the way down his neck. “I, uh. Well. I’m not. Um. I didn’t, actually. Because I’m not, um, gay.” Please god, let the ground open up and swallow me whole, he prayed silently, unable to meet Bucky’s eyes. 

The smile Bucky had worn, waiting for what he thought must have been one hell of a story based on Steve's blush, completely vanished. Along with all his foolish daydreams of dating someone as amazing as Steve. “Oh. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.” he finally choked out semi-normal sounding. 

“No, it’s my fault.” Steve hastily protested, “We talked so much online and I didn’t realize you were a man.” The wide eyed shock on Bucky’s face made Steve realize he hadn’t made things any better.

“Wait, what? You thought I was a woman?” Bucky asked incredulously. 

“Well, yeah. Nothing about your profile or our conversations were very clear and I guess I just somehow jumped to the conclusion that you were. I’m sorry, Bucky.” 

Disappointed but not wanting to miss out on a great friendship Bucky forced himself to smile reassuringly at Steve. “It’s okay. No harm done. So you're straight then?”

“I think so.” 

That did not help things. “That’s kinda something you know.” 

“Yeah, I thought so too. I like talking to you though. A lot.” Bucky was looking at him like he had three heads and Steve just wanted to crawl home and die of embarrassment. 

“Okay. I like talking to you a lot too. We can just be friends though, Steve. I’m not going to get my feelings hurt just because you bat for the other team.” 

“Thanks. I really am sorry. If I were to ever switch teams you’d be the first guy I call. You’re incredible.” 

“Aww come on. You don’t gotta say that. It’s all good, really. Now tell me more about this gym you run.”

Steve sighed, thankful to change topics, “Well, my best friend Sam and I opened it when he retired from the Air Force six years ago.” Steve launched into the story of how he met Sam through the VA where they had both volunteered as teenagers and then years later, they teamed up to start Shield Gym which was now one of the most popular gyms in the city.

The conversation lulled a little after that and Bucky politely refrained from any more flirting. Steve found himself missing the cute little gestures. He couldn’t figure out what the hell was wrong with him but he knew he needed to figure it out sooner rather than later. They parted as friends, swapping cell phone numbers so they could text instead of the message boards and private chats online. Steve initiated the goodbye hug, wanting to test the feeling of the smaller man in his arms once more. It was just as nice as the first time and only added to Steve’s confusion. 

Nat caught up with Bucky barely a block from the cafe, pulling him for a tight hug when she saw his morose expression. “Do I need to kill him?” she asked seriously.

“He's straight.” Bucky told her, “Well, he said he thinks he’s straight. Whatever the hell that means.” 

Nat quirked a brow at that, not commenting though.

“Either way, back to spending all my nights with you and Alpine. And Becca, when the brat has time to fly out.” 

“Maybe don’t write him off just yet.” Nat said carefully, “I saw you two together, it was sweet.” 

Bucky sighed, “I can’t do it, Nat. Just let the poor straight boy be slightly confused on his own before he settles down with some perfect human barbie doll he meets at his gym.” 

Nat pursed her lips in disapproval but remained silent. She wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist and followed him home so they could share a pint of gelato and watch a trashy rom-com until Bukcy felt better.  

“Shit, Sam.” Steve whined at his best friend back in their gym in Park Slope. He’d gone straight from the cafe to the gym, knowing Sam was working the midday shift. “How did this happen?”

“You made an honest mistake, it happens.” Sam tried to be kind with his words, “But, and I’m not saying I told you so, you didn’t really know as much about this guy as you thought you did.” 

“That might have been the politest ‘I told you so’ ever.” 

“I am sorry that it didn’t work out though. I know you thought you really falling for this WinterBae.” 

“His name is Bucky. And, I don’t know Sam, he’s just as incredible in person. More so, even. I don’t know what to do. I’m not gay. But…. maybe I am?” 

Sam set down the bottle of spray disinfectant and the rag he was wiping down the machines with. “Steve, I know you had your hopes up for this guy. But he’s a guy. And being straight, or not straight, is typically something you figure out before your thirties.” 

“I know. I know.” Steve groaned, raking his hands through his hair. 

“At least you made a new friend, right?” Sam tried hopefully.

Steve shook his head, “Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like enough. I don’t know what to do, Sam.”

“You gotta figure that one out on your own, man. But whatever you do, don’t drag that poor boy through whatever premature mid life crisis you got going on. It wouldn’t be fair to him to get his hopes up.” 

“I know that.” Steve fought to keep the glare he wanted to give Sam off his face, “I would never hurt him. I just… I need to think about it, I guess.” 

Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder supportively before resuming his cleaning, “You do that. And if you need someone to talk to, I’m here.” 

Steve thanked him and then headed out. He had a lot of thinking to do. 

[pendulum-sonata]

You know that ultimate ship meme you did a while back, could you do one for either yoko/yusho or leo/himika. Which ever ýou think would be more interesting.

I think they’re both interesting, so I’ll do both (boy this post is gonna be long :P) 

(sorry for taking long to answer) 

Instituteshipping (Leo/Himika) 

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - They’re canonically separated, but if we work in more normal AU setting I still think they’d eventually separate after years of slowly distancing from each other, harsh I know, but I feel they’re not too emotionally invested in their relationship as much as their personal goals, ironically they would still work together, because they’re THAT pragmatic too (also Tima and I like to think they ocasionally still get laid, to the horror of their children :’D)

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I feel like they fall in love pretty quickly, BUT because of the type of person they are, they take long to act on it until they’re 100% certain of it,

How was their first kiss? - Um… I feel like it would be awkward at first, but then firm and confident, I don’t think it was passionate until later.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - I kinda wanna say Leo, but I think it would be Himika the one who brought it up first, because she’s that type of person,

Who is the best man/men? - Yusho, literally Leo’s only friend :P

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - I like to think Yoko offered herself to be one, but I like Mandy’s take that Himika has a sister, so she was there too

Who did the most planning? - Himika is always the planner of the relationship, that it’s well established,

Who stressed the most? - Probably both, since they’re the type of going through the worst case scenarios in their heads.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. It’s my hc that they were married before the Leo Corp got to be really big, so I’m guessing they didn’t have lots of money for a big and fancy ceremony, in fact my guess is that Himika’s family covered most of the expenses.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - I can’t think of anyone tbh

Sex:

Who is on top? - i think they’re the type to switch depending on the mood, but Himika ends on top most of the times.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Himika again

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now - Ironically they probably have sex more often after divorcing than they did while married >.>

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head - I can’t see them as very adventurous in bed, they don’t probably go beyond trying out new positions.

How long do they normally last? - probably the normal amount? I keep thinkin of the Friends quote of “Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna have the most organized sex” 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - I don’t see as something they keep track of, sorry.

How rough are they in bed? -Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.  - I think it also depends on the mood, but I doubt they get too far in it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - If we go by canon, only Reiji, but in my AU I headcanon they have both Ray and Reiji… but Ray is from a previous relationship of Leo… so…. I don’t know where she fits lol

How many children will they adopt? - One, Reira

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - Leo has more experience with this, so he does it the first times, and then Himika not to be deterred, learns from him.

Who is the stricter parent? - Himika, hands down.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - They both do, they don’t understand why anyone would do something so foolish.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Leo again, Himika is so busy that she herself forgets to eat sometimes.

Who is the more loved parent? - I think each kid has their favorite, Ray with Leo and Reiji with Himika, and Reira… with Reiji lol.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Himika, because Leo sucks at handling public speaking and social behaviour in general.

Who cried the most at graduation? - None, they were both proud.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - None? I think they would let them stay there to learn their lesson? 

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - None are very good at cooking lol, so they take turns.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Himika, she has a full list of things she won’t eat.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Leo, again, due to more experience with buying with kids in mind.

How often do they bake desserts? - I don’t think they do it often, if at all, I think the whole family has an aversion to sweet things.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat lovers lol, they only do salads in important meetings, because meat is messy.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - They don’t like surprises, so none.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Himika, Leo is a bit of a recluse, especially when working on something.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Dunno, maybe Leo by wanting to do the classic mistake of “if cooking at x temperature take x minutes, then cooking at 5 times the temperature will cook five times faster” we all know how that goes :’D

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Himika gives off the vibe of being a neat freak.

Who is really against chores? - Not so much against it, as forget doing them, but Leo does.

Who cleans up after the pets? - No pets lol

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - None, in fact they don’t even have rugs, because “they’re dirty”

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Himika is always worried about making a good impression, Leo not so much.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - No one, they don’t handle cash.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - None, they’re very efficient about them

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Again, no pets.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Not often, if at all, until they have children.

What are their goals for the relationship? - They probably looked more at what they could accomplish together than their feelings, which is why they end up divorcing but amicable.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - None, they’re both morning people.

Who plays the most pranks? - Pfft, no one.

————————————————–

Smileshipping (Yoko/Yusho)

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - They last forever because they wanna make sure they become a cheesy old couple who embarrases both their child (Yuya) and their future grandkids with how in love their still are.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Pretty sure it’s canon they fell for each other at first sight, or since this is YGO at first duel, I like to think they’re both hopeless romantics 

How was their first kiss? - 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Accoring to Yoko she moved in with Yusho, so my guess is that she did it.

Who is the best man/men? - Reluctantly Leo

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - Probably her former gang members.

Who did the most planning? - Yusho is very good at organizing events, so he probably did it.

Who stressed the most? - Stress? They don’t know about it lol

How fancy was the ceremony? -Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.- Assuming they eventually got married like officially I like to think they made the biggest deal out of it, with fireworkd and an audience an all.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - again, can’t think of anyone

Sex:

Who is on top? - Top or bottom are not concepts they use, they just do what the moods tells them to do lol

Who is the one to instigate things? - I think they’re both always equally enthusiastic to iniitiate things, but for the sake of the questions let’s say it’s Yoko.

How healthy is their sex life? -Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now - There’s nothing in this world that convices me that they weren’t always going at it like newlyweds, the only reason I didn’t put it higher it’s because they probably had to more cautious after having Yuya, but previous to that... well :’D

How kinky are they? -Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head - I feel like they would definitely experiment a lot, like in positions and toys and costumes and shit, but I don’t think they would go into the extremes with it either.

How long do they normally last? - Not sure if marathons count lol, in all seriousness I think they last a long time, cuz Yusho strikes me as someones who’s very attentive.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - I don’t think they keep count, but Yusho does live by the rule of “Ladies first” :P

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. - Lol they don’t rank higher for the reason I put on the amount of times question.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? -No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. - I mean, is this even a question?

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - They only adopt lol

How many children will they adopt? - one if we go by canon, and maybe if we go into headcanon, Yoko would probably open an orphanage to cuddle all the neglected children from the interdimensional war.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - They were firstime parents so whoever was nearer and less tired.

Who is the stricter parent? - They have both shown to be able to be strict when Yuya needs it, so it’s a tie.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - No one, they’re the type to encourage them as long as proper safet measures are taken 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Yoko.

Who is the more loved parent? - Love is not a competition with those 2

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Assuming they’re not banned from temper of flashiness related problems, they probably go together.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Yoko.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Yusho, since Yoko is more prone to tough love than him.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Yoko, to everyone’s dismay.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - I don’t think they can afford to be picky with someone like Yoko in the kitchen.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Yoko because Yusho doesn’t bring her ‘wonderful’ ingredients.

How often do they bake desserts? - Yoko does them all the time, whether they’re good or not, it’s for the digestion to judge xD

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - I think they’re more of a carb family, with the amount of physical activity, they need the energy.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Yusho loves to surprise Yoko, because it reminds him of their meeting.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Yusho again.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Yoko, they probably have the fireman’s number on speed dial.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - They take turns I think? 

Who is really against chores? - no one, because they always make a game out of it.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Yoko, since she’s the one who brings them.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Yoko may get lazy at times.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Them? Stress? they don’t know of it.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - I think this couple would have a real problem with loose cash everywhere i the house, not just the couch.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Yoko likes taking long baths.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Yusho does it because it’s a great way of excersising.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - They’re house would probably be visible from the space lol

What are their goals for the relationship? - Long term as stated above.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - On days off, Yusho.

Who plays the most pranks? - Yusho may do this, but light pranks, nothing mean.

[grima-skadis-wolf]

Exhibit A: My Partner. If she grocery shops she sets a strict budget and will do all the price checking online then add the taxes to make her list REGARDLESS of whether or not money is tight. Why? She's been conditioned from all this bullshit that's been normalized. LISTS DON'T HELP INSUFFICIENT FUNDS

Making a list? Okay, perfectly normal to me. Exhibit B: grew up in a family of 5 (later 4) and the yearly income was under 15k a year. We survived only cuz we were able to grow a hobby garden and my dad's customers would occasionally trade a whole cow for fixing farm equipment (dad was a mechanic). Growing a garden and fully butchering a cow takes so much time that just the garden is a full time job if you want it to be enough to truly offset vegetable costs. Butchering a cow? For one inexperienced person can take 80 hours, and that's not counting fixing mistakes like leaving hide on meat. NOT ALL OF US CAN FORCE OUR TIME TO FOOD INSTEAD OF MONEY

Exhibit C Applying for assistance. If you've never applied for government assistance, 1: lucky you, 2: getting all the documents, etc with no help takes about 20 hours (and I'm pretty organized), and 3: some of the questions you're required to answer feel dehumanizing and like you're being accused of fraud. A truly wonderful experience for anyone who's already struggling emotionally and mentally because of finances. Side note: every assistance system is different! You might not qualify for insurance but qualify for food assistance, and even then, stretching food assistance for one person is a fucking bitch! Personal experience, living off ramen and nutrition shakes fucking sucks! ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS ONLY HELP WHEN WE DON'T STIGMATIZE THEM AND THEY DON'T STIGMATIZE US

Exhibit D: Me! With my upbringing I know where to cut every corner possible and if you're gonna eat well on a budget you gotta put in the time. Spending 2 hours a day cooking to eat good meals on 50 bucks a week is possible but it's a serious bitch when most people who already struggle can't afford that mental energy. I can barely afford mental energy for work so 2 hours cooking every day is like asking me to translate and hand write The Saga of Erik The Red from memory in Arabic, cuz I don't know any Arabic and am vaguely familiar with Erik The Red. Its just not gonna happen. I'VE LIVED OFF OF 100 DOLLARS IN FOOD A MONTH AND IT'S NOT WORTH THE HEALTH RISKS

Y'all ain't getting a damn TL'DR. You can read, so do it. If you don't get the point of how fucked the system is yet, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM.

3 Doors Down said it best in their song Duck and Run "Tell me why it costs so much to live"

[torn-and-frayed]

Taking Requests - Kinda.

Alright, so in the interest of trying to poke my brain back into a working mode, I’ve decided to take some requests with some caveats and stuff attached that I’m about to discuss. As always, I may write yours, I may not, I may not write any. It just depends on whether or not inspiration hits and if my brain cooperates and gets words on a page. I went through and deleted all the old requests from my inbox, so I’m starting out fresh. 

As always, I only write Dean and Jensen x Readers, no sis/daughter fics, no smut although I’ll imply it. I also might not say no to trying Jenneel x Reader...maybe. It scares the hell out of me but I might be persuaded. 

Please send me any requests in an ASK only so I can have them all in one place. No messages no replies. Those will be deleted.

Everything else you need to know will be below the cut, cuz I’m including a list of prompts that’s gonna get incredibly lengthy. 

1. I have several Bingo cards. If you have any ideas you’d like to see me write for these, feel free to send them my way. Make sure they’re fairly specific though. I’m including my unfinished AU bingo card in here too even though the deadline passed because, why not, right? 

2. Send me a drabble prompt from this enormous list that I’ve compiled from various lists from @prompt-bank. Don’t send more than 3 prompts for 1 drabble. 

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“How long have you been standing there?”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

“Who gave you that black eye?”

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”

“I just like proving you wrong.”

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”

“Forget it. You fucking suck.”

“Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“If you use up all the hot water again, I swear to god! You’re on the couch for a month!!”

“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Take. It. Off.”

“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.”

“I’ll kick his ass if you want me to.”

“Stop it! It tickles!”

“It’s okay to cry…”

“And that’s how you ruin a life. Congratulations.”

“D..did you just make that noise?”

“He’s a bad kisser.”

“You can scream if you want.”

“I didn’t know we were keeping track.”

“We’re playing checkers. If you don’t like it, leave.”

“One of them’s missing.”

“Save some for me.”

“Oh, fuck off.”

“You’re still mad?”

“Come over here and make me.”

“You better watch yourself.”

“Eat your lunch and you wouldn’t be hungry.”

“Why did we have to have kids?”

“Call on Line 1”

“He creeped me out. I’m not gonna lie.”

“I’m done! You can fix it!”

“Can we just watch a movie and fall asleep on the couch?”

“Where did he go?”

“You leave whenever you feel like it.”

“I forgot I was a single parent.”

“Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it.”

“You’re going out dressed like that?”

“For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

“Frost the damn cupcakes.”

“Well that’s the second biggest news I’ve heard all day.”

“You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

“I thought you were dead!”

“I thought it was a one-night-stand…and now we’re married…”

“We’ve become the clingy couple that you used to complain about.”

“Quit touching me. Your feet are cold.”

“You know you want it, sweetheart.”

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.”  

“You just wanted them because the light up.”

“That wasn’t very subtle.”

“He thinks he’s a mind reader.”  

“It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

“I don’t do hugs.”

“Don’t talk anymore.”

“I’m just a guy with a wife, two kids, and a Harley.”

“How do I even put up with you?”

“I said get rid of it.”

“They didn’t just find out. They already knew!”

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“Can you just man up and change his diaper?”

“Just don’t buy a goat. I don’t care what you do, just no goats.”

“I have a secret.”

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

“He’s four years old!!”

“I’ve had enough! I want to be alone!”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

“You’re a dork, just like your father.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Daddy!”

“I lost our child.”

“That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?”

“My name isn’t Leslie…who’s Leslie?”

“There’s a surprise upstairs for you.”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“I’m not your boss? Well then who is?”

“You can’t eat solids, only liquids until Thursday.”

“Come on, baby, up to bed.”

“They got you a present. Isn’t it sweet?”

“Am I scaring you?”

“Run! You said you’d work out with me!”

“After everything…I’d still choose you.”

“And when did you plan on telling me about this?”

“Trust me.”

“Scoot over a little bit, please.”

“You’re so clingy, I love it.”

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“You’re cute when you’re all worried.”

“Stop being grumpy. It’s lame.”

“I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You got a cute butt.”

“I just got out of the shower, I can’t dance. What if my towel falls off?”

“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

“Do you really think I could ever replace you?”

“Sharing is caring. Now give me your fries.”

“…or we can chill in our underwear.”

“You can’t make up for it by giving me a tic-tac.”

“Keep pedaling and don’t stop, okay?”

“You, me, popcorn, two liter Dr. Pepper, and a movie. You in?”

“Have you seen my contacts?”

“Life is a highway, and I’m always drunk. So I’m not driving.”

“Quit stalling. Where’s your father?”

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

“Is he coming home?”

“I prefer blondes.”

“No more dogs. How hard it it to understand?”

“I let you win.”

“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you’re doing isn’t fair.”

“Can I do your hair?”

“Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.”

“I told you not to jump on the bed!”

“He’s pampering me, let him be.”

“Ready or not, here I come.”

“I’m worried about losing my job!”

“Oh, did I scare you, big boy?”

“Happy new year!”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!”

“You nap, I’ll stay awake.”

“It’s turbulence. It’s normal.”

“Don’t touch me. We’re fighting.”

“I’ll give you a massage.”

“You fell asleep in the tub?!”

“Are you doodling?”

“We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

“Slushies aren’t just for kids, fuck society.”

“Are you scared…Then why won’t you look at the screen?”

“Enough with the pillow talk, I’m tired.”

“You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

“We need groceries, not just junk food. You’re worse than the kids.”

“Is this our closet? Or your closet?”

“If I win, you do dishes for a week.”

“Fist bumps are cooler than high-fives…”

“Use your words.”

“Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

“Ew, your hand is sweaty.”

“Get out of my face before I hit you.”

“I don’t care if your 4 or 40, you don’t hit people.”

“You only care about football, beer, and raking leaves.”

“Look! Fireflies!”

“Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

“I just need ten minutes.”

He ruined me and now I’m nothing.

Do you want to be here? I don’t believe you!

You checked out of this relationship a long time ago.

Are you staying?

It’s the alcohol. You’re not you anymore.

I want to leave and never come back.

I don’t know what it’s like to be happy anymore.

She did this to me.

You’re nothing, but you were my everything.

It’s a two way street. It goes both ways.

They just left and now I’m all alone.

I close my eyes and see your face.

Every song reminds me of you.

I stayed up late last night thinking about what could’ve been.

Fake smiles can hide it all.

You were never there for me, it was always about  you.

I can’t hide the way I feel about you anymore.

They’re all for you until you succeed.

If you could see my thoughts, you’d be in tears.

The strongest people have the saddest stories.

It took ahold of him and he was never the same.

It was a feeling she’d never known.

I know I make you cry, but…

You don’t know what she’s like.

He’s missing out. You know that.

People thought it’d last forever.

Sometimes it’s too good to be true.

You can’t just take something like that back.

When he looked into her eyes, he saw everything he threw away.

Don’t do this to me, please, just don’t.

He’s so paranoid, I can’t do anything by myself anymore.

You can’t let him get away with it this time.

As your friend, I’m telling you what I see. It’s not healthy.

You can’t forget a love like that.

It’s never going to work if you keep walking out.

Thousands of miles and one love.

You said forever and I gave you everything.

Once your heart isn’t in it, it’s over.

The first love is the hardest to get over.

This time he thought it was real, it wasn’t the first time he was wrong.

It takes dedication. You can’t pick and choose.

She thought he’d change for her. Sometime she thinks too much.

It was never easy, but this time it was just too hard.

When addiction takes over, there’s no telling what they’ll do to you.

It’s almost like she stopped caring altogether.

Her whole life, she thought heartbreak was a myth. Truth is, it hurts more than anything.

Realization is the first step in recovery.

This was a stepping stone, but this one hurt.

One missed step and their whole world could come crashing down.

You can’t blame just one person.

It got to the point where I couldn’t even pretend to be happy.

They both found comfort in the rain.

She kept it to herself. She didn’t want him to see how much he hurt her.

He wanted to take a break, but that meant it was all over.

Trust was the one thing they needed. Trust was the first thing they lost.

You can’t fake love. When you’re in love, everything changes.

Her whole world was one big lie.

She was always on his mind while he was nowhere close to his.

As the saying goes: you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

“The doctor said it’s normal” - “Well that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.”

“Baby, you’re not a bother.” - “I’m too needy, you don’t deserve it.”

“Come with me to the other room.” - “We’re not going to talk about this now.”

“Did you just hiss at me?” - “Are you judging me?”

“Don’t yell at me like I’m a child!!” - “DON’T THROW SCISSORS!”

“Here, take me blanket/jacket.” - “I told you, I’m not cold.” *shivering*

“Did you hear that?” - “I’m telling you, I’m haunted.”

“I just wanted an easy day with my boyfriend/girlfriend. Is that too much to ask?”

“Why are you awake right now?”

“Come over here and make me.”

“I want my best friend back.” - “Kevin is over there.”

“H-how long have you been standing there?” - “Long enough.”

“You’re lying, you’re blushing.” - “Shut up, no I’m not!”

“No, I’m not talking to you.”

“No more!” - “Okay, fine, I won’t send you any more selfies.”

“What do you have?” - “Pizza rolls and Cup O’ Noodles…that’s about it. Popcorn?”

“The salad here is really good.” - “Do I look like a fucking rabbit?”

“Open this.” - “Can you say please?”

“I just came to say goodbye…” - “Bullshit, you just feel bad.”

“You’re on level 176.” - “Can you judge me harder?”

“Jinx, you owe me a coke.” - *can’t speak until they buy a soda*

“Please don’t leave me.” - “I don’t want to go”

“Babe, I’m sorry.” - “Suck my ass.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” - “Seriously, you’re worse than a kid.”

“You can’t ride a bike?” - “Why are we whispering?”

“Is it that time of the month?” - “You literally ask me that whenever I’m mad at you!”

“We’re going downtown.” - “There’s a strip club downtown.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that.” - “Well, you shouldn’t be saying it then.”

“It’s not mine, I swear.” - “How is it not fucking yours!”

“Take it off.” - “Like a bandaid?”

“I told you…” - “Yeah, yeah, yeah, quit nagging.”

“Boo?” - “You’re my boo.”

“Don’t you ever do that again! You scared the shit out of me!”

“You broke what?!?” - “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

“Why’re you dressed like that?” - “Does that mean it looks good or should I change?”

“Fine, just do what you have to do.” - “Can you stop being so freaking cute so I can concentrate?”

“…then I picked up your coffee by mistake.” - “All I want is an apology.”

“Well, this is awkward.” - “Don’t touch me.”

“You can’t make me.” - “What are you? Five?”

“You’re a blanket hog!” - “Leave me alone and stop being so selfish.”

“It’s not fair that you’re hot and funny.” - “Look who’s talking…just kidding, your jokes suck.”

“I hate you.” - “No, you don’t.”

“Should I be worried?” - “Is the grass green?”

“You’re kidding me?!” - “Shush, my mom never taught me.”

“I’m your lock screen?!” - “You weren’t supposed to see that.”

“Will you go with me?” - “As long as you hold my hand.”

“Baby, I’m scared.” - “You don’t have to be; not as long as I’m here.”

“Come inside, I’m sorry.” - “Not until you apologize.” - “I just said I’m freaking sorry.”

“Your voice is sexy.” - “Your ass is sexy.”

“If I asked, you’d say no.” - “You don’t know that.”

“Seriously, the chimney?” - “The squirrel can’t win!”

“32?” - “I’ll prove it!”

“It’s just so little and adorable.” - “That’s what she said.”

“You’re not mature enough to be a parent.” - “Try me.”

“Take a chance.” - “Umm…let me think…no.”

“Game’s over, you son of a bitch!!” - “Okay, just don’t hit me.”

“You forgot about my birthday!” - “In my defense, I forget about a lot of things.”

“You need more stamina.” - “No, I need more steak and eggs. So…get on it.”

“Can you dance with me?” - “You’re not mad?”

“I’ll smash it, I swear.” - “You smash it and we’re done.”

“Move!” - “Why would I move if I’m so comfy where I am?”

“I’m not going in.” - “Then we’re not going to get a treat after.”

“I really would’ve liked it if you told me your parents were coming to town.” - “I really would’ve liked it if you put underwear on before coming into the kitchen.”

“I found it in the recycling bin.” - “Well, you’re the one killing the environment, so who’s really in the wrong here?”

“We bet, and you lost.” - “But tattoos are permanent.”

“Can you quit being so sassy?” - “Can you quit being so controlling?”

“Are you getting jealous?” - “You’re changing your outfit, now!”

“What time is it there?” - “We’re in the same time-zone.”

“Quit flirting.” - “I didn’t mean to-”

“I just don’t know what happened.” - “You’re too good for them.”

“You have a cute nose, don’t make me break it.”

“Tell me what I can do to help.” - “Sing me to sleep.”

“You still need your baby blanket?”

“Did you black out?” - “I feel like I’m gonna puke.”

“Let’s just bury the hatchet.” - “Fuck your hatchet.”

“I bet it’s a boy.” - “I bet it’s a turtle.”

“Spare change?” - “You can’t be responsible, you don’t get your wallet.”

“Cuddle or leave.” - “So is that a no to supper?”

“Are you high?” - “I’m just so fucking tired.”

“Why did I marry you?” - “It took a lot of convincing.”

“Who’s texting you?” - “Umm. nobody.”

“You have two choices.” - “Neither of which I like…”

“I want a dog.” - “I want a cat.”

“Chinese food?” - “Do we even know what that’s made of?”

“These sheets are stained.” - “That’s disgusting.”

“You don’t know how to change a tire?” - “Give it a rest, would you?”

“That’s my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend.” - “Well, kiss me so they see.”

“We got lucky. You’re not gonna do that again, right?”

“Hey, babe, look what I found.” - “GET THAT OUT OF THE HOUSE NOW!!!”

“You’ve been replaced.” - “Alright, we’ll see how you feel when you need me to kill     a spider in the shower.”

“Are those slippers?” - “Is that you being mean? AGAIN?”

“You forgot your book.” - “No, I lost my book!”

“You’re weird.” - “Or you’re just basic.”

“We need a vacation.” - “You read my mind too much, it scares me.”

“Why’d you hug him? You love him?”

“Sorry.” - “Good choice.”

“Luck? Nope. Skills.” - “If it’s skill then do it again.”

“Why can’t you just believe me?” - “Because you lied about it before.”

“This bath is too damn hot.” - “This is why we can’t do cute things. You complain too much.”

Make Up Your Own

3. Send me a “What would happen if...?” drabble request. For example: “What would happen if Dean caught you eating his last slice of pie?”

4. Submit a GIF and I’ll try to write you a drabble based on the GIF. 

Tagging for signal boost: @impalaimagining @deanssweetheart23 @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @ruined-by-destiel @sis-tafics @supernatural-jackles @winchesters-favorite-girl @feelmyroarrrr @docharleythegeekqueen

[krappyka]

I was just telling my boyfriend how this upcoming week is gonna be Perfect because it’s gonna get super busy but like really good busy and now today I finally got a call from the bowling alley I had an interview at and they wanna hire me!! So now I’m just gonna... type out Everything I have going on because I feel like I need to put it all down in one place and my calendar planner feels rly cramped rn ヽ(〃･ω･)ﾉ

Today - called back by the bowling alley manager, I’ll be getting paperwork to do next week and hopefully I’ll be starting two weeks from now! 

Tomorrow - hanging out at my mom’s, typical day, go back home in the evening

Monday - going to the Three County Fair with my mom! She’s gonna pick me up at home and we’ll zoom downtown. Also probs gonna pick out a bunch of outfits for the upcoming week just cuz I like laying stuff like that out ahead of time...

Tuesday - first day of classes! My first class is an 8am that I signed up for for the prof teaching it, and now it’s listed under a different guy’s name, but, oh well. I have an 8am-10am and an 11am-1pm so it’s a decent day.

Wednesday - haircut at 11am (getting the sides buzzed back down, maybe finally trim the top a bit) then class at 1pm. Then, grocery shopping and washing my car (and I have to remember to buy hair dye at the store, I have to dye it back to a natural color for work. The cut is fine, I’m just not allowed colored hair ;;)

Thursday - same classes as Tuesday, then the boyf is coming in a little before 5pm! He was originally gonna come over Friday morning but this works out better. I do (finally) have a d&d sesh at 5pm but I’ll just be a little late, and I’ll have the boyf with me, but it’ll be fun and fine. Then he gets to come home with me!! And watch me pack everything for the weekend.

Friday - leaving for NH around 1pm! Get checked into our hotel, chill for the evening, get dinner. It’s my first mini vacation type thing with the boyf, super excited!

Saturday - my cousin’s wedding!!! lt’s me n my boyfriend’s first Outing sort of thing together. Also he has to meet a bunch of my family. Hehe.

Sunday - drive back from NH, hang out at home for a couple hours, then drop the boyf back off at the station :^(

Monday - audition for the fall show at school!! No classes on Mondays for me so I’ll drive up just for the audition at 4pm

[working-on-becoming-a-better-me]

Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get)   - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge   - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

[scottstiles]

i was tagged by @clarz - thank you for this! rules: answer questions given by the person who tagged you, write 11 new questions of your own, tag 11 people. 

i’m gonna tag some people today cuz i worked hard on this and it took a long time...whoops. no pressure XD @wellsjahasghost @tylerstitties @runicscribbles @xproskeith @anomalagous @ginevraslovegood @quicklikelight​  @westhallen @lozenger8 @prudence-halliwell @malecbellarke

omg i’m sorry i just realized it’s really long. this is what happens when you take 2 days to answer a tag game. feel free to skip my answers and head to the new Qs if you want! or neither! love you <3

1. Do you find it frustrating that although you know how certain things “work” (for instance, how a love interest not calling you back automatically increases your interest), you can’t help but being drawn in? Can you give me an example? (For the record, this principle describes the entirety of my complicated one-sided relationship with one Harry Edward Styles.)

Yeeeeah i feel like most things in my life approach that level of frustration tbh. I have very little self control sometimes. I’m covered in a haze of addiction, and my impulse control/temper lives on a volatile little rickety branch in my brain where there’s always a lightning storm in the distance. Okay so what I mean is (and I’m not sure i really understand the question but I’m trying), I find it extremely frustrating that I am always aware of what the outcome will be and yet I constantly put myself in the position to be frustrated and/or disappointed by it. Did I get it? Like, if we’re talkin about celebrity obsessions, or having a crush on someone (which, yeah, I guess I kinda remember what that’s like irl), I suppose I’ve come to terms with that kind of distant admiration thing being divorced from reality- I mean, it’s been a life long struggle, so it doesn’t really get to me as much anymore. Usually. The “fangirl” in me is very, very young, and I don’t really know her anymore. If I’m talking about fighting my impulses or my mental health, or like, leaving earlier so I’m not late and then angry in traffic.... that’s a bit more frustrating. I will never leave early. Why? I don’t fucking know. And it’s the Worst. Idk if that fits with your question but yeah, I know how my behavior affects my mood and I could change it, but I don’t, and I can’t help it.

2. What is the longest book or series of books you’ve ever read? Were you at a loss when you finished? Do you generally like series or prefer stand-alone books?

The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind! I love it so much. Haven’t read it in a long time, but that shit is like over 20 books and he’s still writing.. a legend. I was at a loss several times at the end of certain books that I thought were really gonna be the End, but then he made some like, spin off series a bit. So we’re good. Generally I love a good series, but there are so many stand alone books that I adore so.. I don’t know. Why am I writing so formally? This is tiresome, I’m gonna stop now. Stupid capital letters.

other series i love include everything in the tolkien universe, and of course harry potter, and also the percy jackson books. tolkien is pretty epic, to say the least, and rick riordan is fucking prolific, so hp is like, on the small side in terms of series (tho i did reread the last 2 at least a dozen times, and the audiobooks on many a long drive). also those motherfukcing maze runner books were like... there’s not that many of them, but that one i can definitely say left me at a loss. i’m still not ready to watch the last 2 movies but i hope to one day. for dylan.

3. Ever seen a therapist or gone to a support group? Did it help?

yup. i’ve seen quite a few therapists. i don’t think it’s helped in the long term, and i’m not sure it helped in the short, though there was a time i liked it because i was indulging my self analysis, but that for sure wasn’t helpful. i tried a couple cbt therapists thinking that could be a good way to go, but nothing ever really changed, so it’s hard to tell what’s going wrong- is it the therapy or is it me? idk i just think on the whole it’s got a negative color for me. i still see someone once every few weeks, but it’s a chore. this is really completely against everything i believe about therapy, btw, and i def considered becoming one when i was in university. i do think it’s beneficial, i guess just maybe not to me.

4. What is the longest road trip you’ve ever taken? Did you drive or were you just a passenger? What is your favorite road trip ritual, if you have any (the particular gas station snacks, the car games, the fights over music choices, the rest stops, etc.)?

oh my, well i’ve been on a few road trips in my life, but probably not as many as you americans do. the longest one was probably as a child, when i was about 3 or 4 my parents took us across the states, to the grand canyon (i don’t think we actually got there) in our mustard yellow vw bus. i had to be too small to remember but i definitely do (my dad’s a photographer so the boxes upon boxes of film helps): - sleeping on the ceiling in the bus like on a fucking shelf that stuck out above the driver seats. it was way too cool. - staying in a trailer park and walking over to this little building where there was some scary movie playing that had spinning wheels on fire (i think it was like some 80s horror version of rumpelstiltskin or something). i can literally picture a scene from it, just can’t really describe it. traumatizing. - playing on a beach somewhere (cape cod?) and having something nip at my little toes.

on other trips with friends we’ve shared the driving, but the most recent one from LA to vegas my friend wouldn’t let me touch the rental wheel. he thinks i’m a terrible driver. it was ok tho i got to take pictures instead.

i don’t really have a fave ritual since i don’t do much road “tripping” per se, but since i’ve lived in both toronto and new york i have done a shit ton of driving long distance, and i absolutely love it. my fave thing to do is make sure i have enough show tunes and stand up comedy on the playlist, and even some cds on back up, so i can lose my voice on the drive. usually i have some good ol’ tim horton’s french vanilla and a croissant on the side to keep me going, and if it’s long enough i usually stop somewhere for some french fries and/or a coke to wake up. god i love driving.

5. Which do you find increases more rapidly, your age or your idea of what age is old?

ugh. my age. i don’t feel old but that stupid time nonsense says otherwise. it needs to stop.

6. Do you talk to your animals when no one else is in the room? What do you say to them? Do you talk to animals you see on the street, at zoos, in your yard? How much of a face does an animal have to have to be talk-to-able? (For example, do rodents count? Birds? Fish? Cockroaches? WHERE’S THE LINE)

absolutely. i talk to pretty much fucking everything, animals or otherwise, i don’t care who’s in the room. there is no line. the line does not exist.

7. If they cooked, which dish of your mom’s/dad’s/parental figure is or was your favorite? Which was your least favorite? Do you often cook dishes your parents used to make for you for yourself now, as an adult?

welllllll my parents do cook, but over the years i came to really dislike a lot of my mom’s cooking.. habits, lets say. my dad is great on the bbq, and with all meats, but my mom is usually the organizer and most often the chef. her staples are chicken and brisket, sometimes salmon, in various ways. the problem is i’ve always been a picky eater, and tho my own tastes have branched out, my mom still thinks she needs to cook everything super plain and sometimes it’s kinda gross. like, she’ll make some fancy chicken for everyone else and throw a boneless breast covered in teriyaki sauce in a casserole in the oven for me. it does NOT taste good. but she can make a really great schnitzel, and brisket is hard to do wrong. i don’t make anything for myself the way she does it really, but my eating/cooking habits are all wonky anyway.

8. Do you ever check your voicemail? Do you answer calls from numbers you don’t have programmed into your phone?

i check it if someone left a message, why wouldn’t you? what if it’s an emergency? in fact, my best friend does not. so i guess.. that’s a thing. i for sure do not answer any call that doesn’t show a name that i recognize- even then it’s a stretch. i have to really want/need to talk to you, otherwise it’s gonna be on my terms. my phone and i have a hate-hate relationship.

9. How often do you go to the grocery store? Are you good at it? Do you have any kind of strategy or list prepared beforehand?

i go when i run out of something i wanna eat; my store is right on the corner. i basically just do the curve around the breads/fruits/veggies if i need it, then head to the aisles which i skim from the back where the frozen/refrigerated stuff is, poking in to the aisles i need to grab the shit i’ve run out of. i eat pretty much the same way most of the time so my list is in my head (which is not always a good place, but i try hard. if i forget something i go back for it next time).

10. Do movies frequently make you cry? Do you find you’re more likely to cry in the theater or at home? When people are around or by yourself?

oh hell yes. if they’re good or i’m in a mood. i don’t think it matters much where i am if it’s public or private, the cry will come if the moment is right, and i could give no shits XD

11. Have you ever seen the sun rise? Did you kind of like the weird, slightly chilly liminal space of it, or did you just wish you were still in bed?

yes i have, in so many different contexts. mostly i watch it rise because i stay up That Late most of the time (except this time of year, i haven’t seen it in a good while), wishing my ass was finally in bed going “fuck. there’s the sun again. way to go me.” but i’ve also experienced that first bit. out in the desert after a 16k hike, sweat pouring off my skin and fire burning on the surface, hissing it away. standing on top of an ancient mountain facing the dead sea, limbs aching from climbing it with the sun racing at our backs, trying to get to the top before we missed it rise. ya. sunsets are pretty, too.

so how am i supposed to think of 11 questions?? i hope none of these are from some post i saw one time, i’m gonna try to be original without rambling too much:

1- if you could go back to one major decision you made that impacted the path of your life and change it, would you? what was it? how do you think your life would be different? or don’t answer those second two questions, if you don’t want to.

2- in what direction does your belief lean (like, you don’t have to agree with my description of it, but what fits your image best):

a single/multiple divine power that controls every facet of our existence (or like, any traditional religious worldview), with or without free will?

a harmonious interconnected universal complex that directs matter and energy but is affected by our existence in said universe?

everything is just a series of random events passing through time and everything that happens, everything we do, makes the next thing happen, but it could have happened any other way as well.

do these things make sense? idk try and figure it out.

3- on that topic, what do you think happens when we die? do we go to heaven/hell or some other religious construct? do we have a soul that sticks around? reincarnation? do we just... end, and decompose, and that’s it? what do you really think? are you afraid to find out you were wrong?

4- tell me about a moment in a movie or a show that made you go all tingly inside, like, that really special tingle, and every time you see it you get those feelings again.

5- what’s your go-to method for letting out stress?

6- what are 3 of your favorite words (english or otherwise)? why do you love them? the way they sound? the way they look? what they mean? (i usually would answer this based on sound, kinda like fave color, just a feeling).

7- this isn’t so original but i wanna know- if you could live in any other period of time, in any part of the world, what would it be and why? or would you even? would you if you could choose your station/place in society?

8- is there anything you’ve ever done or ever happened to you that you absolutely never ever could ever tell anyone about? not even your soulmate or someone who would never judge you? if so, does it bother you, or do you have it tucked away in your mind and never think about it?

9- which teen wolf cast member would you get along with best? not who would you like to be in a relationship with, but who do you think you’d have the best relationship with (romantic/platonic/otherwise)? if you don’t think you know any of them well enough... which one would you bone? boooooooooone all night long?

10- do you have a talent/skill that you feel is really underrated or underused by you or others? is there something you’re really proud of but have nobody to brag to about it because nobody you know really cares at all? brag to me.

11- do you think it’s truly possible to be happy if you never have a significant other(s) for the rest of your life? could you ever be?

THAT’S ALL FOLKS. wow i can’t believe i wrote all of that shit and you read it. way to go us. thanks again, clara!

[purplecraze]

Yo, I'm tired af, like not I need sleep tired, just like mentally and emotionally. It's been so long since I've had good face to face interaction outside of my family and I'm crumbling. I know that even the longest standing walls have cracks but at this point I'm riddled with holes and so much as bumping into me makes me fall apart a little more, any advice?

(doing this out of character, cuz Fugo's advice is useless and I didn't want to wait for inspiration.

sounds like corona tired, mixed with winter depression.

I don't know how tight the rules are where you're from, but I personally noticed that extending the limit of interaction with just one good friend can make all the difference.

I have the luck that I'm very close to my sister and she's working hard to lose weight. so I go out on long walks with her.

staying active and going outside is very good against depression. and sunlight is important too.

and here's a very easy tip I wish I had known like... 10 years ago. lots of people on tumblr have like... things on the spectrum. ADHD, autism, etc.

and fun fact about spectrum brains: they proces vitamin B very badly :) and lack of vit B gives depression and restlessness (also hot feet at night and makes you a more interesting target for mosquitoes. so my summer nights were terrible before taking vits)

so adding vitamin B to your grocery list is something I'd really recommend to try. vitamin D is good for this too.)