#i like that i did a bigger piece for her joke birthday that is 100 percent not real

[tillman]

happy 2nd birthday to millia rage . they got slurpees for 7/11 .

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 507

OK QUICK QUESTION, OUTLANDER WRITERS, IF YOU’VE STILL BEEN CAPABLE OF MAKING EPISODES THIS GOOD THEN HOW THE FUCK DO YOU JUSTIFY MAKING *GESTURES AT THE LAST FEW SEASONS* ALL THAT SHIT?!

This is literally the first episode of Outlander in fucking *years* that I have liked and actually meant it. Like, I *wanted* to watch it again. I cannot remember the last time I’ve wanted to rewatch an episode rather than it feeling like “fandom homework.”

Their track record over the last few years has me worried this was a fluke. And they just accidentally did a good job, and we’ll be back to mediocrity next week. But...y’all. What if the show actually gets good again? You know, that thing we’ve been hoping would happen for 84 fucking years...

*attempts to keep expectations in check while simultaneously being excited to actually have positive feelings toward the show again*

(Now can we have a Claire-centric episode that isn’t about rape and/or the usual ye olde times violence against women?)

Nudity AND sexual content warnings at the start? It’s a quarantine miracle!

Am I the only one who isn’t so much a fan of the voiceovers?

Opening with Roger singing, and the title, made me rull skeptical of how much I’d like this episode. Glad he was just the B plot.

*mentally prepares for next week, because ugh, fuck that guy*

At least we won’t have singalongs anymore? *runs away*

The shots of the camp and stuff reminded me again how glad I am that this season feels much less claustrophobic overall than last year.

JAMIE IS HAVING A SUPER SOFT BIRTHDAY PARTY!

LOOKIT THESE SOFT AF FRASERS!

MY BABIES ARE SO ADORABLE AND CUDDLY AND KISSY AND SNUGGLY AND MAKING DICK JOKES!

Move over Marilyn. I have a new favorite version of Happy Birthday.

Now quick, sing it a second time. I need a very sexy hand washing timer.

Ok but two of the English soldiers have the same last names as two people I work with but don’t particularly like. Eeeep.

99 yellow cockades on the wall, 99 yellow cockades. Take one down pass it around, 99 yellow cockades on the wall!

Update, I’m still not interested in the Browns or Isiah. But I guess if they’re gonna do what they’re probs gonna do next year, they have to make the Browns’ beef with Jamie a bigger thing than one episode... Le sigh.

Omfg the scene with the Findlay boys. They’re so young! Jamie’s giving them advice! They’re gonna follow the advice! And it’s gonna be tragic af! Literally perfect choice, tbh.

Tryon is such a condescending douchecanoe. Just going full Javert here.

Why the fuck is Bree in Hillsborough, though? Besides, needing to be conveniently there for Plotty McPlotterson reasons.

The more they say Alamance, the more all I can think of is Salamence. Which is fitting considering what happens to fellow ‘mon Roger MacSeedot at the end of the episode.

A+ choice moving Jamie calling on Dougal to here rather than before the flaming dildo.

Especially given a certain piece of stunt casting...

“My professor said that some people consider this to be the spark of the American Revolution.” *stares in Boston*

“Ye say some people believe this is the spark. Couldn't the spark alight from somewhere else?” “Yes, it could. You know, in Boston. Where you grew up. Your professor in Cambridge can shove it.”

If Harvard wasn’t closed because of the ‘rona, I’d march down there and give that fictional professor from decades ago a piece of my mind.

They’re really putting a lot of faith in a fucking handkerchief. Don’t see how that could go wrong.

“Now go. Be ready for the morrow.” And then all the Regulators sit down around their fires and sing Drink with Me.

Yes, I’m still on the “this season is Les Mis fanfic” train.

Ok but Murtz was ready to die at Culloden for a cause he believed in *with* Jamie and now, after hearing what Roger has to say, he’s ready to die here for a cause he believes in *against* Jamie* AND I AM FULL OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT.

*yes, I know that Jamie’s not 100% into it and definitely isn’t actually on the side of Murtz’s enemy.

“You have farmers, with knives and pitchforks.” *queues up Turning*

How fucking far away was this creek though that it took all fucking night to get there? Now is not the time for a sleepover party, Roger.

PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE, ROGER, PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE!

At least he doesn’t fucking kiss her, but you are *such* a dumbass, Roger.

LOL @ DOUGAL 2.0

They do love them some stunt casting on this show, don’t they.

Ok but making Jamie wear a red coat is a great fucking choice. And I know I shit on Heughan a lot, but his face as Jamie puts it on shows literally every emotion and his entire history with the men who wear those coats without saying a word.

Ok but since they cast Graham McTavish as a bit of a joke, does this mean we aren’t going to be subjected to Roger and Buck’s adventures through time? Because omfg I hate that shit so much. I mean, it’d be on brand for the show to make us watch an abusive husband gallivant around as a buddy of one of the leads, but it wouldn’t be a good look.

Buck!Dougal must have one of the previous season’s wigs. Because what is that dead thing on his head, haha.

Ditto what I said about Heughan re: Caitriona’s face when she see’s Jamie in the coat.

I AM STILL TRASH FOR THE SOLDIER THING.

Also, this is a good example of book shit worked in. Not awkwardly shoehorned in like they usually do.

Kinda bummed that Nurse Marsali is out of action, but get why Bree’s there. Whatevs. Can we get more Nurse Marsali soon?

The Browns are super obvious about trying to kill the person they’ve told everyone they want to kill.

Also like fuck the Browns for breaking her magic needle, but Claire, girl, keep a better grip on that shit.

THE MOURNFUL VERSION OF THE JE SUIS PREST/PRESTONPANS MUSIC IS PUNCHING ME IN THE FEELS.

FUCK THE ENGLISH, TBH. THEN AND NOW.

Also, why the fuck didn’t JAMMF ditch the coat as soon as they went into the woods? Not the smartest idea to run around in a bright fucking target, buddy.

OMG IT’S SO PERFECT THAT ONE OF THE FINDLAY’S DID IT. War is awful. War is random. And having a fucking pretty much child following the advice of his commanding officer, thinking he’s protecting his Colonel, be the one to kill Murtz is just the most perfectly tragic choice.

“Dinna be afraid... It doesn’t hurt a bit to die.” *sobs in Voyager*

I love that it’s Jamie’s men, who are ostensibly fighting for the English, are the ones who help him with Murtagh. Because, after all, they’re loyal to their chief and new clan, not the crown.

OMG ALL OF THEIR FACES THOUGH! JAMIE WITH THE GRIEF AND DENIAL AND ANGER AND BARGAINING! CLAIRE WITH THE GRIEF AND ACCEPTANCE! BREE WITH THE GRIEF AND DEPRESSION!

(Maybe not depression with Bree, I was just trying to fit in all five stages of grief.)

I’m obviously super sad to be losing Murtz, but this does feel like a good way to end his arc. With the added bonus of putting Jamie on the path to join the Revolution in a few years.

I’M JUST GONNA MISS THAT CROTCHETY FUCKER SO MUCH, OK! *drinks wine straight from the bottle*

Jamie ripping Tryon a new one is...not smart. But it’s what we all wish we could yell at the fuckwad. So carry on, JAMMF.

He’s being very Beauchamp-esque with this rant.

“I’ve paid my debt... and I’m finished with my obligation to you and to the crown.” Is that how that works though?

“You may have your coat back, sir.” A Mood™

I’m glad Claire kept his little scrap of plaid.

Ngl, I loved the Claire and Murtz relationship more than the Jamie and Murtz one. I am very sad for Claire.

Oh man, they are trickily ending on a high note*. We may have lost Murtz, but at least we’re rid of Roger!

*YMMV, don’t @ me.

But alas, next episode starts the saga of Emo!Roger. You can tell he’s gonna be alive because they show his one hand slipped from the handcuff rope and up at his neck rope.

We’ll deal with that next time. For this week, I’m just so fucking glad I’m still able to love this show and feel actually feelings while watching it.

I’ve missed that. So fucking much.

[popculturebuffet]

Jake Reviews Stuff: Steven Universe: The Answer

Happy pride everyone and naturally, it just wouldn’t feel like a celebration of pride in animation without one of the frontrunners of LBGTQ represintation in Children’s television, as well as quality in storytelling in general: Steven Universe.  Since your seeing this you probably know the gist but as my idol peter parker would say let’s do this one last time:  The story of Steven, a 14 year old, though he dosen’t look it, boy with a boundless amount of love, compassion and empathy,  lives in beach city with his borderline homeless dad , surrogate moms and surrogate until we find out they actually are kinda related sister: Garnet, a fusion of two gems in love and thus the sum total of both them and their feelings, Peal, an emotional but loving gem who grew from a servant to Rose’s right hand, sometimes lover, and confidant, and Amythest, a gem born long after the war that brought everyone else here who acts like a 20 something or teenager half the time. Steven soon finds himself fighting alongside themt o protect earth both from the monsters caused by the final battle of the war his mother fought to save earth from distruction and let her army live life how they choose, and the gem homeworld as it starts to take an intrest in earth again. And as the fight goes on Steven also starts to see just how flawed his family is and how much they haven’t moved on from his moms death and finds himself forced to help them past it while grappling with his mom’s terrible and complicated legacy, everyone expecitng him to basically be her, and what it means to be a  being that’s truly one of a kind.  I absolutley love the show: it’s not without flaws; Characters tend to be ingnored for seasons or episodes at a time,some arcs are really weirdly paced and the slice of life episodes can be jammed in the weirdest places. But the show’s strength: a devotion to having emotional resolution be even more important, and sometimes just as powerful animated and framed, than fighting, though the show’s fight scene’s are incredible, incredibly deep characters with fully fleshed out arcs and growth, and a love for tackling deep, heavy subjects through metaphor or even directly, taking on things such as gender identity, societal conformity, ptsd, grief, gender identity and many many more with grace and weight and helping kids with them in the process.  The show is also the frontrunner for LBGTQ+ representation in cartoons in the 2010′s. While other shows had bits nad pieces, series creator Rebecca Sugar was the one responsible for making Marcline and Princess Bubblegum ex-lovers and making it obvious as possible without saying it because standards were bullshit, Steven Unvierse decided to say fuck subtley and thus had PLENTY OF gay content: Garnet is a fusion of two women and the embodiment of their love and relationship, and when the two show up their very affectionate with one another to the point of bullcrap censorship in less tolerant countries such as india and russia, while Pearl out and out had a CENTURIES LONG romantic relationship with Steven’s mother who was explictly pansexual, and that’s just the main cast!  But I genuinely believe that it’s thanks to Steven Universe that children’s animation is as LBGTQ+ positive as it is now. SU wasn’t the first to have gay leads but it was one of the few kids shows with the balls and, at least in the us, network support to explictily have gay characters as some of the main cast, and I feel the show’s success softend execs at CN and other companies to let more representation too. Since SU”s airing, most CN shows have had gay content great and small, Nick has had gay parents and a bisexual lead, not to mention the korra ending kicking it all off, and Netflix has said hold my beer, having not only multiple gay main characters, but having the finale of she ra be built on a decleration of love between two women saving the universe and being the climax of the entire series.  Not that those crews likely still didn’t have to FIGHT for most of that, i’m not bilind and NOelle Stevenson has outright admitted she had to be sneaky about catradora for season 1 as to not get it shut down, but I feel SU”s sucess and Rebecca and crew’s own likely fights put the various studio goon’s reflector shields down and got more representation into children’s media. And that’s a wonderful thing.  So naturally the show was a lock for this month and for coverage here.. i’ts just given the show’s heavily seralized nature and the fact it dosen’t really have any long romantic story arcs. Sure ther’es plenty of romance, but it’s mostly either in the past or between an already married couple that’s also a person. The show’s arcs were more focused on worldbuilding and character building, which I do prefer and will be doing one in July.  But it did make it tricky to find an episode to spotlight the character I wanted to spotlight: Garnet Garnet is easily my faviorite character, with pearl a very close second: she has a great dynamic, is a decent if flawed mother and leader, and is also damn funny with her deadpanned reactions to things being utterly divine. As well as whatever the hell this is. 

The problem is I also wanted to spotlight the parts making up her: Ruby and Sapphire, their relationship etc as they themselves are fantastic and i’m 100% convinced were the inspriation for one mr mc skat kat and one paula abdul’s magnum opus in steven’s unvierse

The problem is most rupphire episodes are tangled in bigger arcs. They debuted at the end of the invasion arc, they had the baseball episdoe together shortly after another arc, and their wedding is tied up in the reveal rose was pink diamond and the reception is crashed by the climactic battle with Yellow and Blue that sets up the final arc of the whole series. But thankfully season two gave us The Answer to my problem.. ironically named the Answer, basically Garnet Year One as Garnet tells steven how she came to be, a story so beauitful they made a storybook out of it.. and it’s my honor to present it here after the cut. 

We open at the Barn... as a refresher at this point the Gems and Steven have been staying at Greg’s old family farm in order to have the  space and suplies to build a drill to stop the cluster from hatching and destroying earth, with Peridot reluctantly working with them. So as such Steven’s sleeping there when Garnet wakes her.. and in a notable departure for her it’s san’s shade, which shows her adorable excitment as she wakes Steven. Turns out it’s his birthday! And.. I don’t really begrudge the show for takin ga break for two episodes to celebrate it: besides being the only time steven went up a year, on screen, it was a nice break from the peridot/cluster storyline for a second, and this and the following episode are pretty great and both add a lot to the world as a whole. It’s why i don’t MIND when SU takes a break from the plot, as long as they do it for good reason. 

IN a great callback steven asks if garent’s going to tell him she’s a fusion, as Jailbreak revealed the reason she hadn’t yet is she was saving it for his birthday, which is a good joke and a great callback. Garnet cheerfully tells him know but has clearly found a backup: While steven knows she’s a fusion now.. she never told him how she came to be and how ruby and sapphire met after all.  So we journey back about 5000 years to, as we’d learn much later with the pink diamond reveal, the start of the gem war. Earth was to be the next great colony, as we’d learn next season for pink diamond, but something was in the way: The rebel rose quartz and her brutal right hand pearl were causing tons of distruption, so the rest of the diamonds had come to snuff out the rebellion personally.  So that’s where Ruby and Sapphire came in. Sapphire is a higher class gem, and befiting her caste is a precog, with Sapphires brought in to tell the diamonds the future so they can either make sure it happens or change it’s course. Garnet neaturally has this ablility too but vastly improved to see multiple timelines. She’s proper and distant.  Ruby meanwhile is a shy, if more intellgent then her peers grunt soldier. Rubies as we learned here are basically made in groups to fuse. To homeworld, Fusion is simply a tactic to create a slightly stronger gem out of three other gems, and basically creates one giant person. In Contrast up to this point the series has shown fusion as something important to the crystal gems and requriing more work: It requires all parties to be in sync to even happen much less stay together, and requires an emotional connection; Freindship, romance, kinship... whatever it is it’s needed to hold the fusion together. It’s part of what MAKES garnet so impressive: Garnet is a permafusion, only unfusing either when her two halves are needed. or when thier personal conflict is so great they CAN’T stay fused. It also means due to said emotional resonance and combining the best traits of two gems rather than creating just one big gem, that the crystal fusions we’ve seen are vastly more powerful and versitale.. evne if they dont’ speak much because Rebecca made the mistake of getting big artist to do the role and apparently refused to just you know.. recast? It’s something that always baffled me. There’s no shortage of talented poc performers who can sing out there.  Anyways, that’s part of what makes this intresting: up till now, we’d only seen one form of fusion.. we hadn’t seen what homeworld thought of it and used it for, and to the show’s credit it was hinted back during the return arc when Jasper called fusion a “tactic for making weak gems stronger”, since as far as homeworld used it, that’s what it was and it’s a stark contrast to the crystal gems harder to maintain but much more intresting and unique fusions. 

We’ll get more into this later. The two front rubies argue about whose going to punch people whie our ruby just points out the obvious: Their just going to fuse into a really big ruby and punch together. This gets her shoved into sapphire, which despite not being her fault gets gasps and monocle pops from the gems around them. And it’s about time I dug into the episodes unique animation style: instead of the usual, only a handful of characters, the rubies, sapphire, and later rose and pearl, are animated normally and even then, at least for the first half, are brightly lit in their primary colors, while the rest of the gems present are just barely animated sytlistic shadows. It’s a really intresting choice and a clever way to save on budget, while still looking gorgeous. 

Sapphire, while refusing Ruby’s help getting up, is understanding if monotone, but as w’eve seen in the present, tha’ts mostly just a side effect from seeing where everything’s going, and likely the reason garnet’s own emotional process is much like that; Stoic but willing to emote when necessary. Sapphire however has a reason for brushing her ruby off: the reason she was called here.. Blue Diamond.  This is intresting as it’s not only the first time we HEARD of blue, as before this we only heard of Yellow, who’d make her proper debut at the end of this season, but the first time we saw a diamond in any way shape of form. Sure we had murals and such, but given the lack of info about the diamonds this early on it was impossible to tell whow as who and the only giveway there was more than was diamond was the symbols: the era 1 symbols in temples and at the arena showing all 4, hinting at pink, and the modern one shown in jailbreak that was a triforce. We do only see Blue in a hood, covered by her palquin and her voice done by Garnet, but it’s still the first tiem we’d see any of the diamonds in any onscreen form. The Garnet voice is also notcable as every other voice in the flashabck, including characters who aren’t either part of garnet or the same gem type as part of her, is normal.. it’s only blue Garnet does a voice for.. and a clever way of covering for the fact they likely hadn’t cast her voice actress yet. It’s also notable for the introduction of Blue Pearl, who silently stands by her Diamond teh whole time.. it’s weird thinking back to the fact that this was the first time we’d really SEEN other versions of our main cast: other rubies and another pearl. Sure we knew they were all part of one type or another with the obvious exception of garnet.. but this episode is notable, and weird to think about giiven how many variants we see as the series goes on, for being the FIRST time we see this on screen. 

Sapphire reveals that while she, and two of her rubies, will poof the rebllion will end here, and Blue is releaved to here this, thanks sapphire and dismisses her. As Garnet explains, Sapphire had no issue with this as she simply saw her life as one straight line: No choice no, option: Fate would just come as it may. Sapphire also muses to Our Ruby on the fact that she finds this planet a wonderful place for a colony.. and that she wishes she could’ve seen more of it. While Our Ruby says theirs more time, Sapphire, while appricating the sentiment gently shoots it down.  This little moment is interuptted however as Rose shouts out, signaling her and Pearl’s arrival. The battle has begun. And I do like the clever use of storytelling here.. not in presetnation but in what we’d learn muchhhh later with the big reveal: To a first time watcher, we just thought that it was only rose and pearl for story purposes or it was a small attack. After all the rest of the characters we’d seen were just shadows, so I, and I presume many others just assumed the rest were off screen or failing that this was just a small strike. As we’d learn once we got the full story of Pink Diamond becoming rose.. it was indeed JUST them, and only them at the time. it’s probably why in the future sapphire saw the rebellion ended her: Pink while powerful had to reign it in as not to be found out and pearl, while as we see her is already utterly badass and an ace with a sword as she mows down Quartz soldiers, is still one gem going up against a literal army.  Another noticable thing, that hints at when this takes place is the fact that when Rose takes down the fused rubies, poofing two of them and leaving ours to flump to the ground.. she uses her fists. At this point her iconic sword is well established and it’s assumed it was just left out for artistic purpose.. but since we meet who made it next season with Bismuth, it’s another clever hint this is before there was a proper army. Bismuth wasn’t a gem yet so Rose/Pink just had her natural strength and shield to protect her, which wasn’t nothing, but the sword probably made it far easier to hold back. 

And thus we come to the moment of truth: Pearl has come back and is about to mow down sapphire.. when Ruby realizes just waht Sapphire meant and waht she’s about to do and thus.. the future changed. Ruby tackles her out of the way. And Garnet is born. 

I absolutley love Garnet’s cotton candy design, both as a sensible evolution, as this is a garnet formed in a moment of passion and accidently versus the one we see in the present or even in flashbacks: a person formed by choice and love and thus having a more stable form. Naturally, Rose and Pearl are baffled by this.. and it’s even more understandable.. as the above mentioned pink diamond origin episode explained.. they had never SEEN this kind of fusion before. While i’m sure this isn’t the first time this happend in gem history, any others were likely killed as soon as it were over or went into hiding as we saw with the off colors. And Pink being sheltered and Pearl being created for her, probalby simply never thought of something like this existing. But they also realize this never before seen to them miracle is their cue to skidoo and book it out of there.  Naturally Blue is pissed and the court are disgusted as the two defuse and both have about the same reacation. 

Before Blue can murder Ruby for you know, doing her fucking job, Sapphire ttakes her by the hand and books it off the sky arena and the two plummet to earth  while ruby screams no a lot. The foundation of any good relationship. 

They float down to earth.. because she’s Mary Poppins Ya’ll. Ruby reveals why she’s upset: Because as she sees it, there’s dozens of her. She’s not WORTH this. Sapphire has no reaction because for the first time, she has no idea what the future brings, what it means and the future she saw was just shattered. She’s frozen. 

Jokes aside I really love that pun. Ruby worries and quickly scoops her up bridal carry style and quickly finds the two a cave. In the cave the two light that flame get that and Ruby continues to freak out over what happened,  upset with her self that she’s supposed to save sapphire.. with Sapphire gently reassuring her “you already did.”  It’s also intresting as it shows even garnet, or at least half of her, had to go through what peridot did.. it went down a bit easier since exile happened right away, but Ruby still had to shake off the homeworld conceived notion that she was WRONG for saving sapphire simply because it lost them the fight and got them fused and all that. It’s also a nice metaphor for someone whose been told, for a nightmarish rainbow assortment of bullshit resaons, that being gay is wrong only to discover they are and having to realize there’s nothing wrong with who they are. 

After a breif flash the two finally talk about their fusion, with Sapphire being suprised considering she figured fusion wasn’t anything like they experinced.. only for Ruby to chime in that sh’es RIGHT: Their fusion wasn’t anything like Ruby’s normal “me but bigger’ fusion.. they lost htemselves.. and both clearly enjoyed it, expressing it through having a third eye for ruby and more than one for sapphi 

We then get the utterly adorable musical number: “Something Entirely New”Which takes the so far mildly subtle “This is like two people who had sex with the oppsite gender for the first time “ metaphor.. and just makes it texual as the song basically screams of two people talking over an unfamiliar sexual experince, but in a cute, well done, and intentionally awkward way that’s still approraite for the kids. it’s a real beautiful song and also shows the burgoning couple bond on earth. This is important as a previous episode had garent and out and out say that love takes time and work, accurate and that love at first sight simply dosen’t exist.. and we also see she practices waht she preaches as the montage does show some time past and even before that the two genuiely bonded. Sure they FUSED on the spur of the moment.. but actually loving each other took time and bonding. 

As the song ends, the two dance romantically,deciding to be Garnet for good as we get some nice callbacks to jailbreak: the two hum the tune to stronger than you, now revealed to be their song and spin similarilty to the way they have when they’ve fused, a nice callback that also add’s weight to those previous moments.. and thus two become one and Garnet is reborn. 

Garnet narrates as her past self gets used to her strange new form.. and just as she does she falls down a ditch. Eh could’ve been worse. 

Garnet finds herself face to sword with Pearl. Pearl backs off a bit once she realizes who their dealing with, and Garnet panickedly offers to unfuse.. only for Rose to enter. Garnet narrates them as Rose Quartz and her terrifying renegade pearl. 

Truly a force to be reckoned with. Rose dosen’t care about her own feelings though “What you feel is bound to be more intresting” It’s a good moment both because Garnet , up to this point hasn’t had to think about what they are or how they feel.. but more notably... no one but the two gems makingthem up ever cared, not before they were garnet and after all the homeworld gems wanted was to kill her. We also get a great line from garnet: “Why am I sure that i’d rather be this than anything else and that i’d rather do this than anything else i’m supposed to do? “  Rose’s response.. to give a giant grin while saying welcome to earth. As Garnet continues to question things, Rose tells her to never question this, never question what you are... which is a damn good message for a kids show to give out. The metaphor is crystal clear: no matter where you are on that beautiful lbgtq+ rainbow: NEVER be ashamed of who you are, never question it.. just enjoy it. Be who your meant to be and love that person. It’s a damn good message and one badly needed in a medium that for way too fucking long was SCARED to tell messages like this: Of sponsors, of foreign markets, and of idiots like one million moms. it took people like rebecca and her crew to say “fuck that”, to say that queer kids NEED these kinds of stories to know they aren’t alone, they are beautiful how they are. They shoudln’t have to wait to find out what they are.. is okay. And that’s beautiful. 

As Rose Tells Garnet that she is the answer, and as we cut back to the present, Steven asks what the answer is. Garnet simply answers: Love. And we close on one great exchange Steven: I knew it Garnet; (wistfully) So did I. 

Final Thoughts: While I remembered the episode being good, hence part of the reason I choose it I forgot just HOW great this episode was, especially post reveal. The art direction is goregous, shot like a fairy tail and rightfully so since this episode is told as one, the story is heartwarming and erica and charlene really act their hearts out as ruby and sapphire while Estelle kills it as both present garnet narrating and past garnet, a garnet ENTIRELY diffrent from what we’ve seen but acted beautifully. It’s espcially noticable since unlike the other two lead gems, we obviously wouldn’t see more garnets like we would amythests and pearls, so unlike her contepraries estelle really didn’t get to flex her vocal range as much playing alternate versions as the seasons went on, with this being the closest she got.  The episode is beautiful, has a wonderful message, and is just utterly charming and is agian why I DON’T mind that every su episode dosen’t advance the plot: Sometimes it dosen’t need to. And even so this one ended up being WAY more important than I remembered, introducing blue diamond and turning out to be MASSIVELY important once the reveal kicked it: For it was Garnet, and the love dthat forged her that changed Pink’s direction. Before the rebellion was simply a way to stop the occupation of earth and would’ve been snuffed out if not for ruby’s actions.. but seeing garnet, seeing how earth and being free from homeworld’s restraints could positvely impact someone.. it changed rose. Besides bringing her and Pearl together, it also made her realize just what her rebellion could bring to people and what a gem could be and even more how precious her future home was. By forming in an act of Love, garnet changed the entire future of gemkind. By staying that way she did so once more. And that’s beautifully. overall an underated, even by me, little masterwork with once again a damn fine message.  We’ll get back to SU soon enough, as I plan to cover the series first full arc as we meet peridot, and see into the souls of our heroines. But first Pride isn’t over yet, and I have one last card on the table as we todd it up a bit with my first look at bojack horseman. Like this if you enjoyed it, comments subscirbe etc etc and don’t be afraid to comission a review for 3 bucks, and until we meet agian, later days. 

[nisaadventures]

I’m turning 30 in 10 days... yikes.

The last year of my life has sucked... lol. Okay, it wasn’t all bad. I’m exaggerating... but I’m also not. I know there were plenty of nice moments in the last year... but when I think about the last year of my life, its just full of so many firsts... awful firsts... 

First time celebrating their birthdays without them...

First holiday season without them... anyone else miss mom’s turkey? Most people don’t like traditional thanksgiving dinner because the turkey is more often dry... mom’s was never dry... Okay the key people.. Don’t actually cook your stuffing in the turkey. Its just going to suck all the juice life out of your bird... I mean come on. Trick #1 stuff the turkey with fresh cut oranges and yes, you can leave the skin on... #2 do majority of the oven time in an oven bag to keep the moisture in. #3 cook breasts down. Its the part thats usually most dry, so duh... keep it in the juicy, buttery goodness of the pan. I never made the entire meal, I usually just helped mom with everything. These are just some things I’ve taken away in my observations. 

Halloween trip to Disneyland without them... Disney is always a good time, but I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t feel heavy in some way... and that is saying something because Disneyland is my happy place lol. 

Looking forward to 2020... Hoping that it had so much better in store for us. 

Dear lord... what a joke. 

Going to Hawaii for our “family trip” without them...

A pandemic without them... I mean yes, I’m thankful they aren’t out there with COVID on the rise... I’m glad they’re not stuck at home because COVID. Mom and Michael are both too much of busy bees to be cooped up in the house for too long. 

Not going to lie... picking up where they left has been hard. All of moms plants... The dogs.. Taking care of the backyard, where Michael usually would. Mom would definitely do too much at once. She’d be out in the yard planting something and pulling out something else in her damn UGG boots! wth mom?! Those are expensive! lol. “Oh its fine.. I’ll wash them.” Omg lol. Either that, or she’d be over here trying to move heavy a$$ pots by herself and I’d have to stop her before she hurt her back. Ayiyi. 

Keanu and Aria’s birthdays without them... seeing my babies sad and missing their grandma, grandpa, and aunties has been hard. It will be out of nowhere sometimes... and all the nights of Aria waking up in the middle of the night crying. I feel you baby girl... I get it. I miss them too... Its okay to be sad... Mantras... 

You were her little rays of sunshine. Grandpa and grandma loved you SOOOO much. 

Mom would babysit the kids on Saturday mornings, while Kuya, Vaness, and I went to workout. They’d go get breakfast, pancakes and eggs, at UJs. She’d take them to Target, the dollar store, Walmart, etc. just so they could look and maybe get something to play with together. She always crafted with them. 

Living in this house... especially with COVID... has been hard. I miss just sitting at the dinner table, eating sho mi, and talking about work. Mom and Michael getting all worked up over some crazy manager, or something going down with the union.. yup, that’s where I get it from... advocacy and leadership skills FTW.  One thing they could always talk about for HOURS was work lol. 

I remember when I was a little girl, Mom would let me play in the bathtub until I was all wrinkled. She would let me bring all my toys into the tub. At one point I even had a care bear doll that she, for some reason, let me take in the bath lol. She’d throw it in the dryer for me after I was done. 

I remember going to the grocery store with mom and leaving with two full a$$ grocery carts because we had a full house at all times. I mean it was Kuya, my cousin Jojo, my brother Derric, my cousin John, Bubba, my cousin Jay, me and whoever else was over the house lol. When Kuya was in high school, it was all of his buddies partying at our house and crashing on the floor in the living room, dining room, and all the couches. She was the #1 host for sure.

“Are you hungry? Did you eat yet?” 

Thats love. 

All of Kuya’s high school friends called her Mom. My friends called her Mama Fern. She loved that. 

I remember playing hide n go seek in the dark in our tiny town house.. Later in the bigger house on Glenbriar... where mom actually tripped and broke her arm... But she laughed so hard she peed her pants, so she was a good sport? lol. Needless to say, we sort of stopped playing after that.

I remember making dim sum with mom for the first time. Such a hot mess, flour and food everywhere, but so fun. We definitely didn’t do that again until there were more adults around to help lol. Mom knew how to run through a kitchen like a tornado. Hot mess! but the best cook. 

Mom was always careful. She always wanted to make sure we were safe, that I was safe. I couldn’t go outside unless one of the boys was with me. When I would swim she would get nervous, even though I learned how to swim at a young age thanks to Kuya. One day, we were having a bbq, lots of family over, I was playing in the jacuzzi (drawing on the wall of the jacuzzi with a piece of chlorine... don’t play with chemicals kids lol) and she thought I was drowning? So she jumps her a$$ in there fully clothed and yanks my a$$ out. I was shocked as hell, so I naturally started crying hella hard and complaining about the fact that she scratched me when she yanked me up out of the water lol.

Keep in mind that that was not the first time one of the twins jumped into the pool fully clothed to “save” someone hahaha. 

 Speaking of fully clothed in the pool... The time auntie tripped and fell slo-mo style (that questionable, are you going to catch your balance, speed) into the pool LOL. Mom was dead laughing at her. Most hilarious video. 

Those twins lol. 

Jeeze.. speaking of the twins. They had this crazy connection. Tell me why when mom got sick with suspected viral meningitis and had to be hospitalized... Auntie straight up followed her right into the ICU with viral meningitis... 

Who remembers their 50th birthday? Talk about doing it BIG. So much fun. All the performances. Lani was there... KMA performances and kuya and John getting down for Maglalatik. Who doesn’t like seeing some half naked, buff dudes, bang coconuts together? haha. The twins getting down with their hula performance. Cute!

I remember when Mom and pops were going through their divorce and she would text me after midnight. I was going to Sac State and of course I was team NO sleep at the time. I would be in the AIRC studying. I’d comfort as best as I could from a distance... and then come home on weekends to be there with her when I could. 

She found her footing again. Started going to the gym with Kuya more... Started running all the time... all of her half marathons and finally she did the Nike Women’s Marathon. 

Hiking Half Dome with her. What.a.badass. 

That is really how I see her. She was so badass. When she was my age she had my 9 year old Kuya and I was on the way... She was working and supporting us and then eventually decided to make a better life for us, and went back to school... NURSING SCHOOL. wth. I can’t even imagine doing that right now, but reminding myself of where she has been and how much she PUT IN WORK... That keeps me grounded in the fact that we are responsible for our lives. If you want something, you have to work for it. You can’t just hope for better... you make better happen. 

I guess its that reminder... her strength... her and Michael’s love and hard work... That keeps me going. 

Being mindful... being thankful... acknowledging my own strength... 

But with that said... August has been increasingly hard. I don’t like to think about my birthday. I don’t even want to plan anything. They’re not here... I can’t celebrate with all my loved ones and friends. Thank you COVID... 

We’re just getting closer and closer to the anniversary? Nah.. lets not call it that... anniversary sounds like something nice... something to celebrate... This is NOT that. The day your loved ones are taken is not something to celebrate... I mean honestly, if I had to pinpoint the worst day of my life, that was it.... When I think about that day I can’t breathe. Terrible memories... so many sleepless nights. I’ve come so far. Its still hard, but I’ve come a long way. 

Anyway... this post is sort of random and nostalgic. Things I hold onto. Things that make me happy cry... Things that weigh heavy on my heart. 

Here’s my playlist for grief... reminders of them... collected over the last year:

Aloha for now -Kaleo Vai & Passion 

One day at a time -Jennifer Chung

In the end - Gabe Bondoc, Melissa Polinar, Passion

Round and around -Kolohe Kai

Fade Away -Rebelution

Alive -The Green

New Day -Kimie’

Angels above me -Stick Figure

Memories -Maroon 5

Wish you pain -Andy Grammer

100 -Katchafire

Everyday life -Coldplay

Out of the darkness -Isla vista worship, Bre Reed

Amen -Andra Day

Grateful -13 Crowns feat. Poo Bear

Rainbow Connection -Gwen Stefani

Be okay -ZOE worship 

With you -Eryn Allen Kane

Dont worry -Mesto feat. Aloe Blacc

Just livin’ -Sensi trails, Kbong

Remember me -Miguel, Natalia Lafourcade

Even more -Major

Let it be -Xav A.

Give Thanks -Iya terra, Stick figure

Mr. Sun -Sammy Johnson

Rest easy -Thrive, Nico of Tribal Theory

Sunny Days- Allen Stone

Today’s a new day -Common Kings

Mother’s Love -Jonah Jaxon, Micah G

The bones -Maren Morris, Hozier

Give you blue -Allen Stone

And we remain -Johnnyswim

Yellow -Kina Grannis

Streetcar -Daniel Caesar

Meant to be -Bebe Rexha, Florida georgia line

All you need to know -Gryffin, slander, Calle Lehmann

Like I’m gonna lose you -Jasmine Thompson

[bangtan-madi]

Hello, I love your writing, can you please do: 102. — RFA + how they are as parents?

Jaehee

I definitely see Jaehee as more of a structurally-strict parent.

Guidelines, boundaries, rules: they’re super important to her. After all, kids are happier when they know what parents expect, right? It also comes from the fact that, deep down, she’s a very anxious person. She puts in rules so her anxiety doesn’t cause her to flip-flop. The last thing she wants is for her nerves to rub off on her child in a way that makes them nervous, too.

However, Jaehee is not overly strict. She’s kind and tender. If her kid messes up or breaks a rule, she’s more the type to sit them down and ask them why they did that, what’s behind the action, why they’re suddenly acting out.

Her gentle nature definitely helps her when it comes to mothering. True, she expects certain things, but she’s not the type to get angry, even when nervous.

She never yells. You’ll never catch her shouting at her child, no matter what they’ve done. To her, that’s the opposite of helpful. Getting louder doesn’t prove your point.

She upholds standards so they’ll know how to survive in the world. Every rule comes from a place of love. She doesn’t make them up for no reason.

When they’re younger, she’s a bit harder on them, but that’s to show that the standards are there for a reason.

No, you can’t eat candy for breakfast. Why? Because it’s unhealthy.

No, you can’t sleepover at your friends’ house. Why? Because I don’t know their parents.

She might come off as overprotective, but trust me: it comes from a place of pure love. Her greatest fear is not being able to protect her baby. She’ll do everything in her power to make sure that fear never comes to fruition.

As they grow older, the rules are less strict but still existent.

Despite all the rules that sometimes create animosity between her and her child, you will find no bigger cheerleader than Jaehee. She’s at every practice, every recital, every event. Even work comes second to her baby. She’s that mom, the embarrassing one screaming their kid’s name and pulling them into a big hug, no matter their age.

Jumin

His parenting style is similar to Jaehee in a lot of ways.

From day one, his child knows what’s expected. There are ground rules and they will be enforced with a gentle hand.

However, unlike Jaehee, Jumin is more open to changing those rules if a good argument is made. This applies more to when his kid is older, but the last thing Jumin wants to do is constrict or suffocate his child.

This has to do a lot with his own upbringing. His father was a kind man, but Jumin always felt like he had to be perfect, otherwise the love would disappear.

He never wants his child to feel like that, so Jumin is open about his mistakes. He’s definitely the type of parent to apologize when he realizes he’s done something wrong, no matter the time of day. There have been times when he’s woken them up in the middle of the night to say he’s sorry.

Jumin doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time when it comes to being a dad. His kid knows that, and as they grow older, they do their best to be well-behaved.

The open-line of communication Jumin encourages keeps the house pretty level-headed. Fights are few and far between, and mostly sprout from heated debates.

Also, like Jaehee, Jumin is a huge cheerleader for his kid. But let’s be honest: everyone in the RFA is going to be crazy supportive and vocal for their kids. They just go about it in different ways.

Jumin, however, has the money and resources to put his kid in just about any hobby or interest they have.

One week they’re interested in horses? Guess who just signed them up for lessons with a world-class trainer?

Oh, and now they’re talking about swimming? Jumin’s already dialing his groundsman, inquiring about how much it would cost to turn the floor below the penthouse into an Olympic-sized swimming pool.

He never wants his kid to feel like they have to grow up to be just like him, or even have a little bit of interest in his company. All he wants is for them to be safe and happy; the rest can work itself out.

All in all, Jumin throws himself into being a father, giving 110% effort. For the first time in his life, work comes second, and he wouldn’t change it for the world.

Seven

And then there’s Seven. Oh boy.

If there ever was a father that’s the personification of a bad dad-joke, that’s Seven.

After just spewing headcanons for Jumin and Jaehee, this guy is…very different. Those two had rules for good reason, but Seven? He doesn’t really believe in rules. At all. That carries over into fatherhood.

Like, just be a good person, maybe wait until you’re older to break the law, and make sure you come to me if you get in trouble. That’s basically his attitude as far as rules are concerned.

It’s not that he doesn’t care. Trust me, he cares a fuckton. When you think about the horrible childhood he had, everything starts to make sense.

His mother had Seven and his brother out of wedlock, fathered by a powerful politician. She used them for money and abused them because she felt like it. The Choi boys never felt safe in their house, not once. They were always on edge and scared of the next outburst, worried as to when they might eat again, and fearful of the future.

Seven would rather die than have his kid go through anything like that. He takes it upon himself to provide everything, more than his kid could ever want. He’s definitely the type of dad to go way overboard with clothes, toys, treats, and basically everything.

He’s a goofy parent. When his child is a baby and toddler, he’s constantly doing silly things to make them laugh. Strange faces, weird voices, throwing himself on the floor or into the nearest piece of furniture, he’ll do just about anything to see them giggle and clap their hands.

He’s so animated, and that doesn’t go away when they get older. While Jaehee is the embarrassingly supportive mom, Seven is just plain embarrassing. He’s going to throw enormous birthday parties, holidays, graduations…Face it. Seven’s going to go waaay overboard for every occasion.

Because why not? He never celebrated anything when he was a kid, so now he puts everything into celebrating his little one.

Piggyback rides and shoulder rides are happening, whether his kid likes it or not. And he’s 100% the dad that throws their kid into the air, probably a little higher than he should. Spinning them around in circles, getting on the floor and playing horsie, breaking into tickle wars, Seven’s going to be a more physical kind of parent. Hugs, snuggles, naps, the whole shebang.

More than just being fun though, Seven wants to make sure that his kid’s needs are always taken care of. He never wants them to worry about anything: money, safety, food or water, affection, nothing.

This also transfers into being overprotective, although he’s not a helicopter parent. He has other ways of watching their every mood, such as CCTV cameras and tracking their cell. Not that he looks at what they’re doing on it, he respects their privacy, but he does like to know where they are at every second. Between his past and his job, no one can blame him.

Honestly, he might not tell them as much as he should due to the fact that he has a hard time with connection and emotions, but Seven is so freakin’ proud of his kid. They could do anything, be anything, and he’d be equally as proud of them. There isn’t anything they could do to change that.

Yoosung

Honestly, if you want the calmest and collective parent in the RFA, Yoosung is your best bet.

While he can be a little immature at times, having a kid of his own really caused Yoosung to step up and into his role as a father.

When they’re a baby, he’s both overprotective and insecure. Yoosung had a fairly average childhood with good parents, so he’s surprised when doubts of his abilities slip into his mind. Is he a good enough dad? What if he’s doing too much, or not enough? What if he makes a huge mistake and can’t fix it?

Over time, he realizes that he underestimated himself and that every parent has those doubts. He comes to terms that, while he isn’t his mom or dad, they gave him a stable childhood where he was able to grow up happy and content. So he tries his hardest to recreate that feeling for his own kid.

Happy-go-lucky in nature, Yoosung is definitely the kind of parent that’s still in touch with his childish side. Obviously, one of the biggest way he and his child bond is through video games. As they grow up, Yoosung buys them all the best for their age group. It becomes their thing, dad-bonding time as it were.

Another thing they bond over is food. After taking up cooking even more after becoming a father, Yoosung never ceases to take up even the most ridiculous food-related challenge from his kid. When they’re little, it often ends in absurd creations that both parties agree should never be recreated.

However, when his child gets older, it shifts into something they do on the weekends to de-stress and talk about their week. Yoosung is thankful for the helping hand and is happy to show off his self-taught tricks.

Open-dialogue is so important to him, as it is to basically everyone in the RFA. He’s constantly curious as to what his kid’s up to, what their friends are, what their hobbies are. He’s not overbearing or overprotective; he has no reason to be. He honestly just wants to know so he can relate to them better. He’s even been found reading up on something his kid mentioned in passing.

Definitely the kind of dad to offer up the house for sleepovers and play-dates, even into high school. The Kim household is a place where kids love to go. There are always sodas in the fridge, always junk food in the pantry, and always the newest video game tech ready in the living room. Because of his nature, Yoosung relates a lot to kids, even as he grows older.

Honestly, Yoosung just tries to be there for his child, no matter what they need. If that’s money for a trip, he’s got it covered in surplus. If it’s a night to relax after a long week of finals, he’s already prepped their favorite meal and rented a movie. If it’s a talk about something important, he’s already sitting on the sofa with open arms.

Zen

Besides Seven, I think the person with the most to prove–and the most to make up for–when it comes to fatherhood is Zen. His childhood was a joke. Between his mother constantly telling him he was ugly, to the brother that betrayed him, it’s no wonder he has doubts about having his own child.

But, by god, is he a natural.

Of all the members of the RFA, I think that Zen’s loving and caring nature makes him the most natural father. While the others had some maturing to do, or at least a shift in central focus, Zen is already there. He’s already mature, and he already puts others first. While becoming a dad stretches muscles he hasn’t had to use before, it’s nothing that doesn’t come easy to him.

A really big thing for Zen is assurance. He’s constantly telling his kid how good they’re doing, even before they can comprehend what that means. From the very first breath they take, to their first steps and first words, to their first day at school, and every little thing that follows: Zen will always tell his child how amazing they’re doing. Even if they mess up, he’s right there, complimenting them on how hard they tried and how he’s proud that they didn’t give up.

But more than just ability, Zen is insistently reassuring his kid about their looks. That’s a really important facet of mental health. He knows all too well how a parent can affect how a child views themselves. ‘Cause if he can help it, his kid is going to grow up with the best damn body image ever. He knows he can’t prevent every bad thought that finds its way into their head, but he’d be damned if he was the cause of a single one of those demons.

He’s constantly telling them how good they look. When they’re younger and still unable to pick out their clothes, he tells them they look adorable. When they’re older, toddler to elementary, he allows them to dress themselves, even takes them shopping when they want a new look.

Who the hell cares if they pick out something that doesn’t conform with gender stereotype, or something with clashing colors? They look fucking adorable in that Pokemon shirt and zebra-pattern tutu. Anyone even thinks about saying something about it? Good luck. They gotta deal with Papa Zen.

When they’re a pre-teen and teenager, that freedom of expression expands into hair and makeup. Whatever gender they are, Zen is more than happy to encourage them to do whatever the hell they want with both. I mean, it’s not as if his look is traditional, per se. Even as a father, who is he to tell his kid what they can and cannot do to their appearance? As long as it doesn’t hurt themselves or anyone else, he couldn’t care less. He thinks it’s awesome.

Zen applies that attitude to most areas of parenting. Rules and punishments, personal choices, successes and failures–whatever his kid does, as long as they’re not hurting themselves or others, he supports them.

It’s not to say he’s not involved. Oh, no. Quite the opposite. Zen’s an actor, and as such, he knows how hard it can be for the world to accept someone that’s out of the ordinary (or what he would call extraordinary.) Whether that be a styling choice or a career choice or a romance choice, Zen will always be involved in his kid’s life. Never as an opposing force. Always as a supporting hand.

Basically, when it comes down to it, Zen is going to be the kindest, most supportive dad ever. His kid is going to know from day-one that Zen is always in their corner, and that if there’s anything they’re interested in or need help with, they can go to him. If they have problems, Zen is there to help. If they want to go after a dream that everyone says is impossible…Well, you know Zen is going to be right beside them, encouraging them to make their mark on the world.

[themrsandmrsblog]

Girlfriend Tag: Lesbian Edition

Ladies: If you are in a romantic relationship with another female and would like to make a couples tag video with you and your significant other (girlfriend,  fiancée, or wife - however deep in the relationship you are), here are some questions to use. Answer for each other when appropriate, never for yourself (i.e. Dating Game style). Let’s see how well you know each other!

There are 110 inquiries, so you can be courageous and try to answer them all. If you don’t want to answer everything, please read them over, because there are plenty of good questions. You can also go to random.org and create a random number generator to decide which questions to answer. However you choose to answer this tag, make sure you have lots of fun with it. Oh, and please reblog!

RELATIONSHIP BACKGROUND: 1. When, where, and how did you meet? (if you have a 'how we met' video, just reference that) 2. What did you first notice about each other? 3. What were your first impressions of each other? 4. Were you friends before becoming a couple? 5. Who first asked the other out? How did she do it? 6. When and where was your first date? 7. Were either of you out before becoming a couple? 8. Who was the first to verbally say "I love you"? 9. Tell the story of your first kiss. 10. Have either of you dated a girl before? 11. Have you told your family about your girlfriend? 12. Has your girlfriend met your family?

RELATIONSHIP BASICS: 13. When is your anniversary? 14. How long have you been a couple? 15. How much PDA do you do? 16. Have you ever been mistaken as sisters? 17. What are each of your birthdays (month/day/year)? What is your age gap? 18. Do you live together? 19. What are you usually doing when you hang together outside of your homes? 20. Whose family do you hang out with more? 21. Who is the main cook in your relationship? 22. How often do you eat out at a nice restaurant? 23. Who usually pays when you go out to eat? 24. Have you ever gone on a double date? 25. Are you friends with any other same-sex couples? If not, would you like to be? 26. Have you ever had to correct someone that your significant other is not a man because they assume you're straight? 27. Have you ever faced any discrimination or prejudice for being a same-sex couple? 28. How often do you host friends and/or family at your home? 29. Have you ever taken a trip to another state or country together? 30. Who is the bigger neat freak? 31. Who is more physically strong? 32. Who squashes the bugs? 33. Do you have any non-generic pet names for each other? 34. Do you have a couple name? 35. Do you have a couple song? 36. Have you ever worn your girlfriend's clothes? If so, how often? 37. Do either of you smoke? 38. What side of the bed do you each sleep on? 39. Who hogs the blankets/sheets more when sleeping together? 40. What do you argue/fight about the most? 41. How do you usually get over an argument/fight? 42. Have you ever started off a sentence with "I love you, but..."? 43. Have you ever given your girlfriend a honey-do list (a list of chores)? 44. Are there any famous lesbian couples you look up to? 45. What is the most romantic thing your girlfriend has ever done for you? 46. Does anyone you know disapprove of your relationship? 47. Have you ever discussed marriage? 48. Will either of you wear a dress at your wedding? 49. Do either of you want to have children? 50. How has being in this relationship made you a better person?

GIRLFRIEND BASICS: 51. How does your girlfriend define her sexuality? 52. What is your girlfriend's middle name? 53. What nationality/ethnicity is your girlfriend? 54. What does your girlfriend do for work? 55. Is your girlfriend religious or spiritual at all? 56. Besides her boobs and her butt, what is your girlfriend's best physical feature? 57. What is your girlfriend's best personality trait? 58. How tall is your girlfriend? 59. What is your girlfriend's eye color? 60. Describe your girlfriend's fashion sense. 61. Does your girlfriend have an angry/annoyed/disappointed/you're in trouble stare? If so, show it! 62. How good is your girlfriend at communicating through facial expressions? 63. How many people are in your girlfriend's immediate family? 64. What is your girlfriend's number labeled as in your cell phone? 65. Is your girlfriend a morning or a night person? 66. Is your girlfriend outgoing or more reserved? 67. Can your girlfriend play any musical instruments? 68. Does your girlfriend have any pets? 69. Does your girlfriend play any sports? 70. Does your girlfriend root for any sports teams? 71. Does your girlfriend have any quirky habits? 72. Is your girlfriend allergic to anything? 73. Be honest: What is one thing your girlfriend does that you don't like? 74. Beauty terms aside, choose one word to describe your girlfriend. Why that word?

GIRLFRIEND FAVORITES: 75. What is your girlfriend's favorite color? 76. What is your girlfriend's favorite food? Least favorite food? 77. What is your girlfriend's favorite TV show? 78. What is your girlfriend's favorite movie? 79. Who is your girlfriend's favorite musical artist? 80. What is your girlfriend's favorite song? 81. Does your girlfriend prefer coffee or tea? 82. Alcoholic or not, what is your girlfriend's beverage of choice? 83. Who is your girlfriend's biggest celebrity crush?

WHO IS BETTER AT: 84. Singing 85. Dancing 86. Driving 87. Humor 88. Math 89. Gift giving 90. Keeping a secret 91. Trivia/knowing random things 92. Having a cute laugh 93. Having better handwriting 94. Accurately telling when the other is lying

WHO IS MORE LIKELY TO: 95. Cry for no reason 96. Forget where they put things 97. Remember an important date (i.e. birthday, anniversary, etc.) 98. Randomly start singing 99. Randomly start dancing 100. Laugh at a corny joke 101. Say a sarcastic remark 102. Take longer getting ready to go somewhere 103. Be the driver when in a car together 104. Buy something they really don't need 105. Voice her opinions/tell you what she thinks without being asked 106. Dress up fancy for no reason 107. Be spontaneously romantic 108. Embarrass the other 109. Refuse sex

LASTLY: 110. Pass on one piece of relationship advice.

[btsjimln]

100 things Jimin has said or done that has made me believe he’s an angel roaming and existing on earth

Jimin got worried over the fact that dogs only see two colors

Jimin broke apart dog snacks so the dog named Miri could eat them safely

In his birthday vlive when a fan commented saying as long as Jimins happy I’m happy, jimin said no I’m happy only when you’re happy

In one run episode where the game was about keeping your balloon jimin accidentally popped Jins ballon, later on when Jimin had lost his ballon he found another one which he then decided to give it to Jin because he popped his previous one

At the LY tour Jimin stopped singing for a moment to check on a fan who had passed out, he crouched down and watched on as people helped the person and didn’t budge until he got a signal that the fan was for sure doing alright

At GMA a little girl got to meet bts, she started to cry when meeting them. Jimin went immediately to comfort her, he hugged her, he caressed her head he even carried her across the stage because she wouldn’t let go of him

When asked in an interview who the best dancer Jimin did a whole show, jumping out of his seat, getting down on his knees and pointing at Hoseok, having Hoseok smiling and laughing at him

The owner of the calico cat (Curry) that was in the serendipity video said that before shooting the video Jimin wanted to get closer to Curry so that Curry wouldn’t feel nervous during the shootings

One of the staff members even mentioned that Curry might scratch him but jimin said that it’s okay even if she scratches him

Jimin heard if you kissed stingrays they will grant u luck so he kissed a stingray multiple times to grant enough luck for all of us

At the soribada awards one of camera men accidentally bumped into Jimin  even though Jimin was in the middle of perfoming, he stopped up for a second and  made sure the camera man who bumped into him was doing okay

Jimin once said said because Jungkook’s room is close to Jimin’s and because Jimin is the type to go to bed very late he tends to walks past Jungkook’s room to make sure he’s washed up before bed or turned his light off for him if he’s fallen asleep and forgot to do it

In a run epsiode where bts were to make kimchi, after struggling with making it Jimin commented on how he didn’t realize how much work was put into it and how from now on he’ll buy his mom kimchi instead of having her make it

Behind the scenes of the idol mv Jimin found a bug that was missing its leg he told it its a dangers place for it to be here and put it to the side so it wouldn’t get crushed 

In a vlive Jimin said how Hoseok told Jimin he could play games at night if wanted to because as mentioned earlier Jimin tends to go to bed late because he can’t fall asleep for some reason and he tends to get bored of just being on his phone but Jimin said he doesn’t want to do it he doesn’t want the sounds to wake him up especially if the day’s been rough and Hoseok has made effort to go to bed in time

Jimin believes aliens exist and said that even though it wouldn’t do much for him if they existed the thought just makes him happy for some reason

Jimin always makes sure to go to each member’s solo project schedules no matter how early or how late the hours are to support them

During a run game where they were supposed to pick clothes for a member Jimin made sure to choose two pair of outfits one for a smaller frame one for a bigger frame (as well as a third one as a special)

During the promotion week of the Answer album Jimin got barely any sleep to the point where people could hear members encouraging Jimin to fight on before a performance yet you can’t see in the performances if he was tired or not because he always gave every performance his all

Whenever a member gets a punishment in run bts Jimin is more likely than not the person to offer himself to go with them: example he offered himself to go with Namjoon to climb a mountain when he seemed apprehensive about it, 

he offered to even go with Jin in run bts when Jin said he’ll walk his way to the house they were staying in if it meant the rest got a treat

In the same run episode Jimin noticed Jin was getting tired of walking up the hill so he gave him a piggy back ride although jimin obviously got tired from it,  when Jin asked him if he was tired he denied it

Not only that but in that same run episode Jimin had tried multiple times to play games to win drinks for bts

He even offered himself in the same run episode to peal Yoongi’s egg who said he really liked the egg but it was hard to peal it

In another run episode Jin joking said I’m upset because he was losing a game jimin heared him and asked him are up upset hyung, even gave him a finger heart to make him smile

At a recent performance Jimin saw Jin standing off to the side quietly so he quickly went to him and spread his arms out to hug him

Jimin said that the reason as to why he started to take Polaroid picture is because he wanted to save moments and memories with the members when there weren’t cameras around

When they first started out and struggled with money Jimin still got Hoseok a pair of very good shoes and it’s still a present Hoseok cherishes and keeps today

He also got Jungkook a bag so he wouldn’t have to carry around such a heavy one as his previous one was he even got Namjoon clothes because it seemed to be his style

K media even pointed out how Jimin is always giving thoughtful birthday presents to members and putting their tastes into consideration (like a bag for Jungkook, cardigan for Namjoon, hoodie for Jin etc) They also pointed out how Jimin was always the one who is holding a cake on their bday videos

In Taehyung’s birthday bangtan bomb when eating Taehyung’s cake JImin knew that Hoseok doesn’t like sour flavors and since the cake had sour toppings on it Jimin seemed concerned about whether he’d be able to eat it. Hoseok looked really touched at the comment but said it’ll be okay but Jimin still told him which one’s he should eat to avoide the sour flavors

In a Bangtan bomb Jimin checked up on everyone and went to each members bed and wished them a good night, he even stroked Jungkook’s hair lovingly while wishing him a good night softly  

Because Jungkook recently injured himself he wasn’t able to dance along with the rest during the performances, at one point while they were performing Jungkook got so upset he started crying, Jimin who was all the way across the opposite side of the stage stopped performing and ran to Jungkook to comfort him

Jimin also said the same day in regards of Jungkook’s injury  “ I know you all are worried about Jungkook, but if Jungkook goes home like this today, all he'll do is cry. on three, everyone say I LOVE YOU JUNGKOOK”

Jimin stayed by Jungkook’s side during the concert where he was injured comforting and cheering him up for more than a minute and leaving only when Taehyung came to make him company

Jimin stood with Jungkook when he was injured, he sang for him and with him, he made him laugh and smile he held onto him while he was crying with the most endearing look on his face to exist

In a bon voyage episode Jimin and Namjoon had to walk uphill Jimin made a comment on how he felt bad for the staff because they had to carry heavy equipment  up with them

In a bon voyage episode Jimin and Jungkook bought slushies for the staff that were with them, Jimin went up to the staff and made sure everyone got one by asking them mupltiple times about it

In a bon voyage epsiode Jimin said that as a child he wanted to be a pirate and he promised his mom he’d be the number one swordsman in the world, he didn’t know pirates were bad back then and felt embarassed confessing it

Jimin said if he could have any job he’d be a cop

Jimin once took pictures of graffit art that said things like fuck you and literally went and changed it so it would say i love you he even went and cropped out an inappropriate  part of another graffiti picture

When Jimmy Fallon fell down to the floor from laughing Jimin quickly made sure he was’t hurt and asked him how he was doing (albeit such a simple thing I found it endearing he’d do this when this is one of his most common habits) 

In one run epsiode even though Jimin solved most of the puzzles for his team at the end of it he said teamwork is the most important thing and gave his team all the creds for it

In a run episode where they were to make and drink coffee Jimin knew Taehyung doesnt drink coffee and he made sure that everyone knew about it. he even asked the instructor if Tae could make a hot chocolate instead

During an episode of Bon voyage Jin was too busy cooking  food to eat  Jimin quickly called him over when he noticed it and told him to have some even made sure to feed him some pieces before it was all eaten

In a episode of bv where Taehyung had yet to arrive there, when someone said something about how this was  a friendship trip Jimin got upset and  asked how is this a friendship trip if Taehyung is missing he said Taehyung has to be here for it to be a friendship trip

When Jin and Jimin were ordering sandwhiches Jin ordered first 7 until he remembered they were 6 and you could clearly see Jimin got upset over the fact that Taehyung wasn’t here he even graoned and said come on Taehyung

Because Yoongi had a private emergency while they were filming bv he had to leave. Hours after Yoongi left bts were back home playing their own songs, when Yoongi’s part came on Jimin quickly went out his room and said Yoongi hyung i miss you 

When Taehyung asked what the biggest room is in the bon voyage house they were staying in Jimin got too excited and quickly told him which room is the biggest  even though the rest of the members agreed to not tell him got really embarrassed and made the cutest face to exist

Jimin didn’t take any sides in tae and jins fight that happened in burn the stage instead he showed them both what they did wrong and adviced them how to go from there 

Later on, before their concert, Jimin noticed  that Taehyung was visibly still upset over the fight before so he went up hugged him and even gave him a pep talk

In burn the stage when Jin and Taehyung were fighting everyone left them to talk in private but Jimin stayed although hidden in the back and out of view for them, once they were done he walked out and offered to get food togeher he even microwaved the food for them

when Jungkook neeeded paramedic assistance Jimin stood to the side and let them do their job but he wouldn’t leave until he knew Jungkook was doing better

Jimin kept talking about how he was thankful they choose to go to Malta for Bon Voyage after he had seen how pretty the moon looked there

In one epsiode Jimin even kept talking excitedly about how he spent a whole afternoon just talking with the cats in the area of Malta

During Buzzfeed’s puppy interview they got a puppy who was quiet shy and timid Jimin soon took him in his arms he played with him for most the interview and gave him kisses and cuddles when he put him down to go to other members the puppy wouldn’t budge and went back to his arms even when the interview was ending and he was putting him down the puppy went back to his arms

Even though Jimin first said in the summer package that when he first heard they were going to see stingrays he was kind of scared but  he still felt he wanted to pet them and kiss them and he found it endearing how sweet they were being when you tickled them

Jimin said whenever he does a vlive he feels like he has to prepare himself before doing it and that’s why he takes so long to come on there and apologaized for it

In an episode of run bts Taehyung got  sad after hitting the ball in the wrong direction when playing badminton, he started to walk away. jimin saw it and quickly called him and held his hand to comforting him 

Someone once called jimin perfect on vlive he genuinely looked confused and asked perfect? how?

whenever jimin falls on stage he’s quick to brush it off and move on from it but whenever someone else falls on stage like tae did for example in the recent concert he wouldn’t take his eyes from him until he was assured Taehyung was doing okay

In a vlive Jimin did with Jin, when saying goodnight he made sure to say goodnight to fans in as many different time zones as possible

When arriving at the Billboard music awards, while the rest were in awe of all the fans that were waiting outside for them, and even the signs that were there for them, Jimin was concered over the fact that they were out waiting in the heat and how it must’ve been like waiting

Jimin also once went to apologaize to all fans who were waiting outside for them to perform, he said it must be hard for them and that they should’ve hurried to get ready and perfom faster, he felt bad and felt like he keeps having fans wait for them

Jimin gave away 60 signed cds of his for all the 60 students at the elementary school he once went to and even paid for the uniforms for the kids that were entering middle school that year

Jimin and tae both gave away their clothes to an organization that sells  celebrity clothes and where the profits go to children 

Jimin once bought 50 kimbaps when for just dance academy students when they were having their recital last year

a student from jimins elementary school also said said jimin personally called the school and said he wanted to sponsor the graduates scholarships  

Taking care of Jungkook is literally is one of the things jimin put on his ‘small but definite happiness list’ 

In one bv episode you can see jimin walking to Jungkooks room, waking him up asking him if he went to bed immediately when jungkook said yes he praised him for it he even told him to be careful with his joints in the morning when he was stretching

In the summer package jimin asked tae if he could make a snack for  him whilst tae was making a snack for himself which tae did Tae was watching something when doing this for Jimin so Jimin found it endearing that he’d bother to do this for him when in the middle of something and kept patting his head and cooing and prasing him 

When asked who his favorite member is jimin said that all of the members help him or advice him in one way or another’s that if he has a problem they all deal with it together

During the past few ly concerts Jimins has had aches in his back but he didn’t say anything and kept pushing on perfoming

In Jimin’s and Jin’s recent vlive jimin absently said  because  theyre having dinner in Jimins rooom jins room won’t have to smell of food

when guest starring in please take care of my refrigerator Jin said Jimin’s been a humble person ever since he was born

When in bv Jimins group didn’t have money to pay for their fairy jimin quicky told them to take his wallet to pay with it

When hobi was shooting videos for his mixtape jimin went and visited him and even brought him a gift

this one time jimin told taehyung “even if i cant help you i can give you strenght”

At the backstage of billboard music awards Jimin talked about how he was very nervous to deliver his award speech but he kept on thinking if they win this award he has to deliver this message

Jimin once spent a good amount of time trying trying to read on trashcans if the trash bin contains non-biodegradables so he could throw rj’s plastic packaging

During an interview with Grammy museum, when the interviewer mentioned the fans jimin got the most endearing smile on his face turned to the crowd and smiled at them, he even decided to answer the question that was fan related

when asked to choose between people plants or pets jimin choose people and pets

Jimin  wrote a letter to yoongi telling him to take care of himself and rest well and that he worries about him and his body when hes over working himself for things

When playing around with yeontan jimin wanted to give him a snack but he first went and called tae to ask if it was okay to do it before he gave him it

As jimin was perfoming at the ly tour he saw a fan cry he told them to not cry to smile and that they(bts) loves them

During the time tae was away in bv  jimin kept him updated with what was happening  with videos and photos

When doing a vlive jimin noticed a lot of people being worried about him in the comments he quickly adressed it and told them to not worry that he’s eating well and taking care of himself

Even in an interview jimin told fans that they’re all taking care of themselves and eating well and to not worry about them

in one run epsiode hobi was making food on the grill and when jimin noticed he was struggling he went to help him, even when hobi didn’t ask for him  to get him scissors he literally ran all the way to the kitchen to get them

In a vlive Jimin said he likes being around his members he wants to be around with them. he like being together with them. 

Even as Jimin was leaving his hotel even as he was passing by with a car he made sure to great armys who are waiting outside for them 

When signing things Jimin blew on his autograph extra well making sure its nice and dry so it won't smudge before moving on with the next item

Whenever he’s drawing something for us he spends hours upon hours into it, putting a lot of time and effort into it and once spent a whole day drawing a page for their colorbook

namjoon said jimins a person who needs lots of love and attention

jimin said he wants to be know for his sincer heart

In a vlive jimin said that perfoming at the Bilboatds isn’t everyone gets to do you can see he was really honored and touched by getting the chance to perfom there

when tae arrived to the bv location jimin kept holding him, holding his hand, telling him he loves him and excitedly chatting with him 

jimin really doesn’t like to do vlives alone solely because he enjoys constantly being surronded by his members and when they arent around he misses them

Jimin got a water bottle for seokjin which BTS ended up sharing between them all jimin waited patiently but ended up being last and getting a tiny bit of it

at a ly concert jimin kept comforting the fans that were crying on one side then when he himself ended up crying later on he came to that side and cried

jimin is the most amazing wonderful thoughtful considerate person there is he would literally give the clothes off of his back if you asked for it his heart is as pure as his soul he has the biggest heart and the purest soul in the world  he deserves all the good this world can give and more 

[fisherfurbearer]

Updates

Well.

It’s my 21st birthday today.

I’ve been very quiet here since winter, but in actuality so much has happened. I’m still sorry for being-here but not-being-here, and vanishing on everyone waiting on art, but it’s really been a whirlwind. Just a real wild ride.

I had this big, rambling post written up, explaining what’s happened so far this year and what’s been going on, but I don’t think it’s necessary really. What matters is that I’ve made it this far. This time six months ago I really wasn’t sure if I’d make it to see today. But. Here I am.

I feel like life has been pretty unrelenting in the past few years, and it never seems to end. Between this post and my last text posts, I’ve had another Break Down due to problems with work and doctors, and it’s been pretty terrifying, but I think it’s going to be okay. We’re not out of the woods and I really need to focus on this right now so I still won’t have time to get back into art (which I do plan on doing!! But it’s really not fair to anyone for me to start up again when I’m still not completely stable) and everything else.

But hey. Even after that recent disaster, I’m still here. I’ve been on much better meds for almost 5 months now, I’ve been figuring out what I want to do with my life, and I have my second wind. Things have been getting a lot better (even though a LOT has also been going wrong, but such is life, and we get through it!) and I’ve been on the right track for several months now. I think I’m truly happy.

I’m still here and so is most everyone else. I figure it’s about time I do an update on everyone, as this is a pet blog after all, and I think it’s best to let everyone know how we’re all doing. It’s been a long time since I really talked about everyone properly, and a lot has happened. So here’s the all-encompassing update on everyone:

INVERTS

I posted about this a bit before, but yes. At the start of July I found that I lost about half of the tarantulas. While I think in general we were doing okay picking up the pieces from everything that happened, not everyone was alright. It’s my fault, and I take responsibility. I don’t care how tough things were, it wasn’t fair to them that I let them go unnoticed for too long. Most of the slings passed away, they got too dry, and the more moisture dependent ones passed away as well, including Boopus, Conte, Lucy, and Cassini.

There is a huge hole in my heart from losing them. I will never let this happen again. I don’t CARE how hard things get for me, I will NEVER let my illness take the lives of the ones I care about ever again. I don’t know if it’s the right decision to continue keeping Ts at all after what happened, but since it did, Jessie and I had a very serious conversation about was has to change if I want to keep the remaining Ts. I’ve spent a lot of time re-working how I care for everyone, and so far, everyone has been recovering VERY well. The remaining Ts are: Agnes, Deckard, Isidore, Montag, Winnipeg, Wilder, Flaveri, Kessler, Kitty, and Turnip. They are all fat and hydrated and doing better. Deckard and Isidore molted successfully, and Winnipeg is deep in pre-molt. Montag had some sort of weird kinda-mites-but-not-mites thing going on, but I got most of them off and they’ve been doing really well for about a month now.

Suffice to say I think everyone is going to be okay. The ones that are here. I do love them deeply and I need to not let my illness get in the way of them. My depression was slowly eating away at everything I loved, including them and my desire and ability to care for them, but I will never let it happen again. No matter what, I’ll do what’s best for them, even if it’s a tough decision.

As for the other inverts...the roaches are all doing very well. Red goblins have had their ups and downs but the colony is big and thriving. I finally have adults again and babies are cropping up once more. My dubia colony is finally stable and they’ve been delightful waste disposals for all the ugly peppers and bolted greens from our poor little garden. The rothi, the Original Dig Sons, are STILL kicking. I thought the female was gone but she cropped up again and is as gigantic and cute as ever. They’re chubby and happy and digging like champs. The little kenyans are also doing well!! I’m moving them in with the dubia and they seem to thrive with them. Everyone is peaceful and passive to one another, and by being in the bigger colony they have much more space and food options than before.

All in all, the inverts are recovering and doing okay. I also have thriving isopod cultures in the geckos’ vivs, and they’re doing very well! Lots of orange P. pruinosis in there.

REPTILES

Vladimir and Estragon are doing WONDERFULLY. After the fire I was very worried about the smoke, but both geckos have been perfectly fine and very active and healthy, especially as the weathers warmed up. Estragon is exploring all the time now, and has recovered well after all the stress of moving around so much earlier this year. As I type this he’s climbing the glass of his viv and mleming the air. He’s such a little man and I love him. I’ve been watering the vivariums properly again and they’ve been exploding with growth! Not all the plants made it but the ones left actually need trimming, they’re growing too fast!! The local pet place has lots of vivarium plants available actually and I got a couple that I’m going to plant in the empty spots for the boys. So right now the vivs definitely look a little wonky, but it’s nothing we can’t fix, and the boys themselves are doing GREAT. They lost a little weight after all the chaos, but Gogo is a good chunky boy and Didi is doing awesome too!! Eating lots and he even catches the loose roaches that have been living in the leaf litter, which is pretty cool to watch and great enrichment for him. My little men have been doing so good and I’m so happy that we’re all okay. <3

MAMMALS

Before the fire, I had recently gotten my very first rats, which was a huge deal on here, if any of you remember that!! Java, Lisp, and Python have been thankfully 100% okay after the fire, and have suffered 0 smoke injury! They were farther from where it happened, but there was definitely some smell in my room but now, eight months later, I think it’s safe to say that they’re unaffected. The rats are doing GREAT. They get pampered every single day by everyone here, and my roommate LOVES them. Even when I couldn’t take care of them, he’d feed them and squish them daily, which was a huge help while I dealt with all the craziness. I’m getting back into the routine and taking over their care again, but I can’t thank him enough for his help.

The rats are now THE BIGGEST BOYS and Java is the BEST bean!!! He went from peeping and running away when we first got him to bruxing like CRAZY whenever we hold him and he loves being squished. I don’t know why. They all just love being held and squished and Lisp has some really unsettling Extreme Happy Boggles when we do it, he loves being crushed. (Not that we actually “crush” them, just gently pretend to squish them with our hands while joking about squashing them into pancakes)

They get so much love every single day, and they’ve been one of the best things to ever happen to us. Unfortunately since moving here (and I wasn’t aware of this until the day of move-in, haha, lucky me...) they’ve had to live in the basement which is colder than I’d like and makes it hard for me to care for them, but soon we’re switching to 100% fleece and they’ll be able to live up here with us properly!! I’m so excited about it and it’ll make caring for them so much easier. I’m so excited.

OH and how could I forget. I put off saying this but we DO have a few more pet friends since I last mentioned everyone in December. We bought five little mice into our home many months ago, and their names are Awesome Opossom, Moggles the Mole, Inspector Beans, Bhombus, and Trungalo. They were one of the best things ever, for me. They’re the perfect fit for our lives and they’ve been thriving since we got them. They’re so relaxing and wonderful, and they are incredibly calm and squishy little girls. Sadly, Possie passed away a month or so after she came here (she was almost like a FTT...she was doing so well, then she just...she wasn’t growing like everyone else, no matter what I did, and one day she just. Didn’t make it. We found her snuggled up in her favorite hide in a pile of fleece. No one bothered her. She passed away peacefully.) and she just...she was here for such a short time but she changed everyone’s lives forever. She was the most incredible little thing. She was so outgoing and sweet and when we bought them home she instantly became Nick’s favorite little friend. I’d come home from work and he’d be in the middle of the living room playing with her. He loved her so, so much and even though the mice “are mine” I really think Possie was his. She was a very special little thing and I’m glad she could spend the last of her time with us. She was an incredible little animal.

All in all though...the rodents are doing good. It still hurts my heart that Possie passed away but we did everything we could and we had a special little service for her under the big tree in the backyard, and we will never forget her. I kinda wish everyone here could’ve gotten to know her too. She was really something special.

Otherwise...ahh gosh it feels really sad to say anything else after talking about Possie. She was so, so wonderful, but so are the remaining meecers. Mice are weird. They’re just so small and gentle and wonderful, and I’m really happy to have them with us.

Oh yes!! And there are two more little friends who joined us. I researched getting birds for a few years, and back in mid-April in my area there was a couple having to rehome some of their button quail. They hatched and raised them by hand, and I talked it through with Jessie and we jumped on the opportunity to adopt a pair. It worked out wonderfully for everyone and now it’s been about four months with us and they’re doing fantastic. Their names are Wasabi (male) and Mushroom (female) and they’re an extremely devoted mated pair and we love them. They’re in our front living room and while we don’t/can’t handle them they have become so outgoing in their own way and I’ve learned so much about caring for them over the past few months. They’re very relaxing to care for and any time I slack a bit with anything, they let me know by tapping the front of the enclosure until I investigate and fix whatever’s wrong. It’s actually really helpful and over time I’ve gotten much better and now they hardly ever pace or tap the front, which makes me feel like I’m doing something right. They seem peaceful and spend a lot of their time with each other and bathing in their dirt bath or foraging for treats. c:

All in all, we’re really getting there and have been getting so much better since The Disaster that was winter. The animals are doing great/much better, I’m getting better (although the recent scare is still a drain and I do have to work 12-9 pm today but so it goes...) and it’s going to be alright, I think. And I have a very supportive partner and awesome roommate and friends and I can’t thank them enough for helping me get this far. I wouldn’t be here without them.

Well anyway. Happy birthday to me, I spent way too long writing this and now I need to rush to get ready to work for the rest of the day/night. But so it goes, I’ve been through worse. c;

[bwbeedubs]

Rather Be

(X)

The smell of burning wood filled her nose as she made her way closer to the garage shop, the sound of a saw going ringing louder in her ears with every step. She poked her head around the entrance to see Jason hard at work, his head bopping to the music from his headphones, completely unaware of her presence.

Not wanting to disturb him while working heavy machinery, she clutched the bag of food tighter in her hand as she waited in the archway for him to notice her. Maybe she should’ve texted first or just waited for him to come home… That’s what they always did anyways.

But being in the apartment building without him there was becoming strange to her. Especially after her earlier festivities… Lord, she didn’t want to be alone after all that trouble. And Jason’s presence always seemed to ease and soothe her, that she often sought him out for it. Who was once an annoyance had somehow become someone she had trouble being without. So here she was -  At his shop, a few blocks east from their place, holding Thai food, waiting awkwardly for him to notice her.

Not that she had to wait long, Jason always seemed to notice when she was around.

“Oh, hey!” Jason greeted with smile, turning off the saw and pulling his headphones from his ears and lifting his goggles from his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

Raven shrugged. “I had a meeting nearby. It let out early so I thought I’d thought I’d come by… See your work and all that since you keep asking.”

“Well, I’m glad you did,” his smile widened and brightened at her, and she had to ignore the flutter she felt in her chest. Damnit, why was he always so good at that?

He sniffed. “Mm… What smells so good?”

“Oh, uh…” Raven blinked, looking down at the bag in her hands. “Thai. I stopped by that place you always get us food from and got us some dinner. I, uh, got you your usual; Pad See Ew with no baby corn and steamed dumplings for us to share.”

“You remembered my order?” He asked, quietly as he walked towards her, his charming grin still ever present, and it made her knees feel like jelly.

Oh, he needed to stop doing that...

Averting her eyes, Raven pushed her hair behind her ear and tried to feign casualness to the best of her abilities. “Well, yeah… we order it so much... It’s not hard to remember.”

A strange look passed over his face, his eyes sparkling with something warm and gleeful as his lips pressed into a bashful smile, and she couldn’t help but think of how cute he was like that. Gently, taking the bag from her hands, he nodded. “Well, I really appreciate you remembering that about me.”

“Of-Of course...” Raven stuttered, realizing that she had forgotten to breathe in his presence. Blushing at the faux pas, she coughed looking at the pieces of furniture around them. “So, this is what all you’ve been working on this whole time, huh?”

“Yes, yes!” He waved her in, enthusiastically. “Come in, come! Come, have a look!”

Without waiting for her reply, he took her hand and pulled her further into the shop, buzzing with excitement. “I know my little whittlings are shit and all but as you can see my bigger pieces aren’t bad at all.”

Aren’t bad at all? His pieces were immaculate! All of them were so intricately put together and cared for, and the craving was so meticulously done… “How are your whittlings so bad?” She said before she could think to stop herself. Realizing what she just said, she rushed to recover. “I-I mean, I like it when you drop one in the drop off shoot when you get me for lunch sometimes - don’t get me wrong- but these are just…”

“Actually good?” He raised his brows with a playful smile. “Yeah, turns out I work better on a bigger canvas - sort of speak.”

“I’ll say,” she trailed, looking closer at the detailed floral carvings on the back of a swinging bench. “These are incredible…”

She felt his hand squeeze hers causing her to she rip her focus away from the careful carvings to see his wide smile looking back at her, his malachite eyes bright with pride and something she wasn’t 100% sure what it was. “Doesn’t mean I’ll stop trying to impress you with my whittlings though.”

Feeling her cheeks warm up again, she averted her eyes again and tried to stifle the feelings he seemed to effortless drum up inside of her. “Well… practice does make perfect, I guess.”

He chuckled, squeezing her hand again before letting go and setting their food on what seemed to be his work desk. “I just have to finish a few touches on this table, if you want wait and walk home together?”

“Uh, sure. I can wait.” She pointed to the bench. “Can I sit on this?”

“Found a piece you like, I see,” he commented, warmly. “Yeah, sure. Make yourself comfortable.”

Raven shrugged, taking a seat on the bench. “It’s a nice piece. I, especially, love the floral details in the wood here.”

“Well, look at you: Liking flowers and shit,” he joked.

She rolled her eyes as her fingertips traced the pattern. “If Persephone can be the Goddess of Spring and the Queen of the Underworld, I can like flowers too.”

“Yes, you certainly can,” Jason laughed, slipping on his goggles back on before turning on the sander and getting back to work. “One sec.”

Raven nodded, continuing to admire his work on the bench and noticing all the care and dedication he had put into it. While she had seen some of his work in his apartment, she had never seen it up close, and now she really wanted to, if it was anything like what she was seeing now. It was so expertly crafted… she wondered how time and patience it took for him to finish it. Admiring the art for another second, she sighed as she turned to look back at him and—

Oh, she shouldn’t have done that…

There he was… Sanding down a piece of wood, his biceps bulging as he tried to keep a hold of the machine in his hands. His skin glistening with sweat and sawdust from a hard days work. His face hard with concentration, making sure he executed his task with complete precision.

She felt her cheeks grow hot as her mind began to wander…

Those strong arms wrapped around her while his hands gripped her and squeezed her and pinched her in places where there was fat. Raven bit her bottom lip as she imagined him lifting her up on his table and pushing her skirt up to her hips as her hands worked off his belt and jeans. Her stomach twisted pleasurably at the prospect of his hot kisses pressing against any bit of skin they could reach, biting and sucking ever so often as he pushed her panties off to the side, too eager to feel her tremble underneath his hands and yet, perfectly patient enough to see her bliss through. His sweaty, crinkled brow leaning against hers with his eyes full of concentration, fighting off his desire for hers until that precious delicious moment when she—

“So the guys from the bar were wondering,” his voice interrupted her salacious thoughts, and she felt her face blush harder in embarrassment. He didn’t seem to notice her discomfort, turning off his sander. “If you would like to join us for my rooftop birthday next Saturday.”

She furrowed her brow. “I thought I didn’t have a choice…?”

“Oh, you don’t,” he laughed before shrugging. “I guess, what I’m really asking for them is if you could—“

“Invite the girls?” Raven finished with a knowing look.

He shrugged, sheepishly. “The guys thought you would be more comfortable-.”

Raven snorted, not believing the attempted reasoning for a second. “The guys want more girls there. I get it. And sure. I’ll message the girls in the morning, if that’s what you want.”

“They’re planning this thing. I just want good friends, good vibes, good booze, and a good birthday,” Jason replied while he finished sweeping off the excess dust from the wood he was working on. “If they want extra people on the guest list, let them have it.”

Raven nodded. “As long as it’s what you want.”

“You said you’d be there, right?”

“I said, I would be,” Raven replied, her brows knitting together as to why would he ask that question again.

“Good,” he nodded as he started to put things away. “As long as you’re there, I’ll be happy.”

She tilted her head. “Me?”

“There’s no one I’d rather share my birthday with than you. So yeah... You,” Jason looked up at her, pushing his goggles to rest on his head before his signature playful grin eased back on his lips. “Shall we go home?”

[acelezz]

“L is For Luna” (Part 2): A Saluna Fanfic

Title: L is For Luna

Summary: When Luna finds a love letter in her locker, she hopes that it is her crush Sam, but is doubtful. With the help of her ten siblings, Luna will find out whether her dreams of being with Sam will ever be a reality or not.

Part: 2

Author: L-is-For-Loud-House

Fandom: The Loud House

Ship: Saluna (Luna Loud and Sam Sharp)

Timeline: A few months after “L is For Love”

Genre: Fanfiction/Romance

Word Count: 1,746

...

“Clack, clack, clack!” The sound of Luna hitting Lori’s blue high heels on the white dresser in Lori and Leni’s room went.

It was now 3:00 in the afternoon and all of the Loud siblings had just gotten home from school ten minutes ago. They all had been gathered into Lori and Leni’s room by Luna for a Loud Sibling Meeting. 

“I hereby call this meeting to order!” Luna announced.

“Lisa, can you read the minutes from the last meeting?” Lori asked the 4-year-old prodigy.

Lisa then proceeded to whip out a piece of paper which was a review of their last meeting. “Alright. Item one: It was resolved that in the matter of Lynn’s football-”

Lisa was then interrupted by Luna ripping the paper from her hands and crumbling it up into a ball. “Sorry, we don’t need to hear that today, Lise.” Luna then chucked the paper into the trash can. “Alright, so you’re probably all wondering why I gathered you all here today.”

“Whatever this is about, it better be good!” Lola hissed. “I was in the middle of practicing for my next pageant!”

“And I was in the middle of writing a new joke!” Luan added.

“And I was just about to go play in the mud!” Lana chimed in.

“And I was just about to read my new Ace Savy comic!” Lincoln exclaimed.

“And I was just about to paint my nails with my cute new nail polish!” Leni stated.

“And I was in the middle of writing a new poem!” Lucy announced.

“And I was just about to go outside and play some soccer!” Lynn whined.

“Poo poo!” Lily cried with annoyance.

“Ok, I get that you all want to go back to whatever it was that you were doing,” Luna told her siblings. “But this is my one and only voice. So listen close, it’s only for today. And I promise that this won’t take long! Alright, I gathered all of you in here to talk about this!” Luna then revealed the love letter that she got earlier on in the day at school to her siblings.

All of them groaned.

“Ugh, not this again!” Lola groaned.

“Luna, don’t you remember that sending love letters is Mom’s thing for Dad?” Lori asked. “You should probably give that to him so he can see what she wrote for him!”

“No, dudes, this letter is actually for me! I found it in my locker this morning!”

All of Luna’s siblings gasped.

Leni then ran up to Luna and gave her a hug as she squealed, “O. M. Gosh, Luna! Congrats, little sis! This is totes exciting!”

“Thanks, Leni,” Luna chuckled as Leni let go of her.

Leni then gave Luna a nudge. “So are you gonna tell us who it’s from?”

“I-I don’t know...” Luna then unfolded the letter and showed what had been written on it to her siblings. “Whoever wrote it signed it as ‘Your Secret Admirer’. So I need all of your help to figure out who it is.”

Lori then let out a squeal. “Ooh, I bet it’s Sam!”

The rest of the siblings except for Luna then let out a teasing, “Ooo...”

A slight blush came across Luna’s cheek as she nervously rubbed her arm. “I don’t know dudes. I’m really hoping that it’s Sam, but she’s way out of my league.”

“Are you kidding me?” Lincoln asked. “She totally likes you!”

“Well she definitely does as a friend, but I don’t know if it goes any further than that.”

“Well, who else could the letter be from?” Lynn questioned. “She always wants to come over and jam with you like five out of seven times of the week!”

“Yeah, and the way that she always looks so happy whenever she’s commini-gay-ting with you!” Luan teased.

“Luan!” All of the Loud siblings shouted.

“Wow, that joke certainly did not get BI you guys!” 

The 14-year-old comedienne hen broke out into a fit of laughter while all of her siblings groaned and facepalmed themselves.

“But, Luna, despite her terrible jokes, Luan does have a point,” Lori began. “Remember that Luan, Leni, and I all go to the same school as you so we occasionally see you in the hallway with Sam. But we all know how important spending time with her is to you so we always let you two be. But all three of us have seen Sam walking in the hallway with other friends or by herself and she always seems to be the happiest whenever she’s with you.”

“Really?” Luna queried.

“Totes!” Leni agreed. “Her smile is always like ten times bigger whenever she’s with you!”

Luna smiled at the thought of Sam’s gorgeous smile. “Well, I always did think that she was a naturally happy gal. But you guys do have a point that I have no clue how she behaves when I’m not around. But I’m still not too sure if the letter’s from her, dudes.”

“Why? Is there anyone else that we should know about, Luna?” Lola asked, grinning.

“No, as of right now, Sam’s the only one out there that sends a million butterflies into my stomach. While I do have something for Mick Swagger, it’s not the same thing. I really look up to him and I think that his music is rockin’, so he’s just a role model to me. No one else has the same effect on my heart like the way that that Sam chick does. But what if there’s someone else out there who has been crushin’ on me and I just have no clue because we’re either not close or they’re just excellent at hiding it.”

“Well, it seems like you wouldn’t have a clue if anyone had a crush on you since you’re clearly oblivious to the fact that Sam likes you back!”

“Yeah, I do not enjoy feelings such as the ones that you have described and even I can see that Sam is attracted to you,” Lisa agreed.

“Maybe she’s just attracted to me as a friend,” Luna said, clearly in denial.

“Luna, why do you keep on disagreeing with everything that we’re saying?” Lana asked. “Did something that we don’t know about happen between you and Sam?”

“Nothing bad happened. But I did tell her about the letter.”

“And what did she say?” Lincoln asked.

“Well, she didn’t say whether it was her or not. But she did agree that it’s a bummer that the letter is signed anonymously. But this when we were walking to our first period classes and she had to go to chem. But, she did hug me and told me that she was excited for me right before she had to go. It surely did ignite the butterflies in my tum-tum and had me surprised because she ain’t much of a hugger. But then I figured it was because we’re really good friends so she’s just really happy that I got a love letter.”

All of the Loud siblings let out a squeal.

Luna raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Luna’s siblings all giggled at her.

Lori then put a hand on her short-brown-haired sister. “Luna, you have no idea how literally oblivious you can be sometimes. Sam was totally the one who wrote that letter! She’s probably just too nervous to admit that she was the one who wrote the letter, just like how you’re too nervous to admit to her that you’re the one who’s been sending her all of those love letters! Say, didn’t you tell us that you had a similar reaction when she told you about the letters that she got?”

Luna’s cheeks turned a deeper shade of red as she let out a chuckle. “Yeah, I did. Man, were the butterflies soarin’ when she mentioned that. I nearly almost lost my cool. But yeah, all I said was that I really hoped that she figured out who sent them to her.”

“Yeah, so she probably likes you back and figured out that you were the one who wrote the love letters, but like you, wasn’t 100 percent sure. She’s probably too nervous to ask you so she’s trying to find out if she’s right by returning the favor. And like I said, like you, she’s too nervous to admit that she was the one who wrote the letter so she’s trying to hint her feelings towards you like doing sweet and romantic things that she normally doesn’t do, like hugging you.”

“Wow, Lori, you sure do have a point there. But still, dudes, what if we’re all wrong? How can I find out that it’s her for sure?”

“Well, my advice from a few months ago still stands accurate,” Lucy answered. “Since Sam, um I mean the writer, is clearly shy, you need to give Sam a signal to let her know that you’re interested. If you receive a second letter soon after, then she’s clearly the author.”

“That’s a great idea, Lucy, but I don’t know if I’m brave enough to do that,” Luna admitted. “I’ll probably just chicken out.”

“That’s it!” Lola yelled as she hopped off Lori’s bed. “I can’t stand to see you act like this!” Lola then grabbed Luna by her shirt and pulled on it, bringing Luna’s face right down to hers. “You need to woman up! You think if Sam can’t admit that she wrote the love letter and if she’s not a touchy person that she wasn’t apprehensive when she hugged you?”

“Well, she didn’t seem like it,” Luna answered.

“Well, she probably was! Same people are just better at hiding things like that than others! But she did it anyway because she’s brave and because she really likes you! That probably took a lot out of her so now you’re going to muster up all of the bravery that you’ve got and return Sam the favor by sending her a darn signal!”

Lola then let go of Luna. Luna gulped as she stood upright again.

“Sam is coming over tomorrow, correct?” Lola asked.

“Yeah, she’s coming over so that we can jam out with my new amp,” Luna replied. “She told me that she would have come over today, but she couldn’t of because she had to go to the Royal Woods Diner after school with her family to celebrate her dad’s birthday.”

“Perfect. You can give her your signal then.”

...

(Part 1) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7)

...

Check out “Lincoln’s Concert Catastrophe”!

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6)

[makingitourway]

85 Questions Tag

rules: answer these 85 questions about yourself and then tag 20 people

the shanster @mysteryoflovemyway tagged me, ty shan ily!!

last?

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my work!

3. text message: THE SHANSTER HERSELF

4. song you listened to: “Lefty” by Title Fight 

5. time you cried: I watched the Amy documentary again last night and bawled my lil eyes out 

ever?

6. dated someone twice: negative

7. kissed someone and regretted it: negative

8. been cheated on: negative

9. lost someone special: lots 

10. gotten drunk and thrown up: I’VE NEVER HAD A HANGOVER AND I’VE NEVER THROWN UP WHILE DRUNK I AM INVINCIBLE

fave colors?

11. black

12. blues

13. greens

in the last year have you?

14. made new friends: yes!!!!!!! a handful of which are from this very website!! go figure!!!!

15. fallen out of love: I HAVE BEEN SINGLE MY ENTIRE LIFE STOP ASKING ME THESE THINGS

16. laughed until you cried: duh!!

17. found out someone was talking about you: yes i went to middle school hello 

18. met someone who changed you: fer sure!

19. found out who your friends are: ????????yes??

20. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: negative

general

21. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them, i only have like 100-something friends, and I never go on it.

22. do you have any pets: all my pups are deceased

23. do you want to change your name: “nik mf nasty” has a really nice ring to it, don’t you think?????

24. what did you do for your last birthday: I went to my favorite bar with my mom and aunt and my favorite coworkers and had a really fun night :)

25. what time did you wake up today: 9ish

26. what were you doing last night at midnight: crying bc of Amy Winehouse

27. what is something you can’t wait for: TO GO ON MY CALL ME BY YOUR NAME NORTHERN ITALY PILGRIMAGE WITH MY MOM

28. what are you listening to right now: “Mind Fields” by No Vacation

29. have you ever talked to a person named tom: p sure yes; but also what does “talked to” mean in this context??

30. something that gets on your nerves: PEOPLE WHO DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE A MOTHERFUCKING BLINKER

31. most visited website: tbh probably netflix 

32. hair color: dark brown!

33. long or short hair: it’s damn near past my butt, she needs a haircut 

34. what do you like about yourself: my ability to adapt

35. want any piercings: I kinda want my other nostril pierced. we love balance. 

36. blood type: um, no?

37. nicknames: my gov’t name is *********, but i’ve been called nikki since I was little. will respond to: nikki, nik, nik (mf) nast(y), slick nik, nicholas, la nini, etc. 

38. relationship status: someone find me a mans to date

39. zodiac sign: gemini ass bitch!!

40. pronouns: she/her

41. fave tv show: I LOVE TELEVISION UMMM the office, parks & rec, people just do nothing, parenthood, jane the virgin, this is us, food network competitions????!!?!

42. tattoos: I have ten I think?? mostly all my bigger pieces are on my leg, and I have a few lil ones on my arm

43. right or left handed: right

44. every had surgery: root canal??

45. piercings: ears, septum, nostril (I always lose the jewelry for my nostril tho so rn I’m only rockin my septum and my regular ol’ ear piercings)

46. sports: I played soccer for a really long time but i would rather do anything else than watch sports on tv

47. vacation: yes?

48. trainers: what does this mean I AM THOROUGHLY AMERICAN 

49. eating: she big, so yes pls tysm!!

50. drinking: we love to be hydrated henny!!

51. i’m about to watch: tbh probably the office or great british bake off

52. waiting for: my laundry to be done!

53. want: money 

54. get married: HARD PASS, MARRIAGE AS AN INSTITUTION IS A JOKE AND IS SO UNNECESSARY 

55. career: i want to make/write movies, but anything where I get to utilize my voice and my creativity would be tight

56. hugs or kisses: hugs?? 

57. lips or eyes: LIPS

58. shorter: who wrote these non-question ass questions???????

59. older or younger: ????????????????????????older?? what are we talking about

60. nice arms or stomach: i’m tired, NEXT

61. hookup or relationship: the latter 

62. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant troublemaker ((((gemini ass bitch))))

have you ever?

63. kissed a stranger: no

64. drank hard liquor: i love tequila

65. lost glasses: yes all the mf time

66. turned someone down: there was someone to turn down???

67. sex on first date: yolo?

68. broken someone’s heart: my own????????fuck that was deep

69. had your heart broken: ^

70. been arrested: no

71. cried when someone died: i cry at everything

72. fallen for a friend: there was a time i thought i had a crush on one of my bffs in hs but now i look back and i’m like bitch you were so bored go do your hw (so, no)

do you believe in

73: yourself: yes but i don’t apply myself in the ways i should so nothing ever gets done 

74. miracles: sure

75. love at first sight: there are many different kinds of love according to sternberg, so yes, sure.

76. kiss on the first date: why tf not i have my hpv vaccine

77.  whoever made this question list is fired 

other?

78. best friend’s name: I have multiple best friends 

79. eye color: brown

80. fave movie: are you kidding i have so many???????? Goodfellas, Call Me By Your Name, Little Miss Sunshine, Grand Budapest, Deathproof, Chef, Baby Driver, School of Rock, Moonlight, Florida Project, Lady Bird, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist, Superbad, Like Crazy, Once, Sing Street, Begin Again, I Origins, THE LIST IS SO LONG I LOVE FILM

81. favorite actor: of my generation? tomato chandler 

82. favorite food: any food of my ethnic background is a-ok w me 

83. extrovert or introvert: both??????? (((((gemini ass bitch)))))

84. favorite flower: peonies, carnations

85. favorite hello kitty characters: I used to love Badtz Maru and Kerropi but THIS IS THE MOST RANDOM QUESTION WHAT IS GOING ON

I can’t believe I sat here and answered all of these kind-of-questions omg. 

shannon tagged almost everyone I would’ve tagged so -- @chezchalamet @wedoitallthetime @statistics-statistics, if you guys want to, go off!!!!!!!!!!!

[kumeko]

Birthdays

A/N: for the FESibs zine! I absolutely love writing about Lissa, Chrom, and Em and I should really do more of it. For those that bought the zine, I’ve added an extra piece about Em in this version, which I couldn’t fit into the zine.

Summary: Three different gifts for three different times—Lissa, Chrom, and Em through the war.

…

…

…

…

Lissa wasn’t sulking.

War required sacrifice, she knew. Sacrifice which sometimes included food, forcing them to resort to bear meat. Or boar meat. Or whatever-Frederick-managed-to-hunt meat. Despite any misgivings she had about it, she held her nose daily and swallowed what could only be described as month-old shoe.  She even raised only a minimal fuss about it too.

So when Emmeryn apologized, explaining that they didn’t have the rations to make a birthday cake, Lissa understood. It was war, after all. If she happened to leave the castle, climb up a hill, and plop on the ground, it was an unrelated thing. It was quiet here and it had nothing to do with sulking.

At all.

“There you are.” Chrom’s voice startled her and she lifted her head. Sparing him a glance as he trudged up the hill, she buried her face in her knees once more. “Are you still sulking?”

“I’m not!” Her voice was a little louder than she intended, a little harsher, and maybe she was sulking. Just a little.

But only a little because Lissa knew better.

“Lissa…” Chrom sat next to her.  Bumping his shoulder against hers, just like he used to when they were children listening to one of Em’s long lectures, he sighed. “I’m sorry but you know we can’t—”

“I know.” Lissa cut her brother off, raising her head slightly. Despite how she acted, she wasn’t a complete child. “I know just…I’m a little sad, ok?”

“Yeah…I think you liked cake more than the gifts.” Chrom laughed weakly. He wrapped his arm around her, giving her a loose hug. “I’m sorry.”

It was unfair, entirely unfair. She couldn’t stay mad when he acted like that. Resting her cheek on his chest, she mumbled, “It’s not your fault.”

His grip tightened. “I’m still sorry.” They sat there for a moment, quiet, before he let go. “I know this isn’t quite what you wanted, but we got you something.”

She peeked up at him. “What?”

“A gift. It was hard to find something good, considering how strapped we are.” Chrom reached into his pocket, fumbling in there before pulling out a small yellow pouch. “Em got you some orange ribbons and I managed to convince Gaius to part with a little candy. It’s not quite a cake or a big present, but—”

Lissa tackled him to the ground before he could say another word.  She had the best big brother and sister.

“Chrom?” Tentatively, Lissa entered the throne room, hiding a bag behind her. There were few candles lit; most of the attending nobles and guards had left to prepare for her brother’s birthday feast. Squinting, Lissa spotted Chrom standing next to the throne. Sensing something wasn’t right, she slowly approached him. “What are you doing?”

“Hmm?” At the sound of her footsteps, he glanced at her. There was a pensive look on his face, the same look he had when he had been crowned just a few weeks ago. “Lissa?”

“You asleep?” Even to her own ears, her joke fell flat. Dropping her smile, Lissa stood next to her brother and set the bag on the floor. With most of the candles out, the room felt bigger, emptier. “What are you doing?”

“I…” Chrom laid his hand on the throne, gripping it tightly “Em should have been here.”

“…yeah.” Downcast, she stared at the empty seat. Emmeryn was dead. For a while, Lissa had hoped she was trapped in a nightmare, that none of this was real and she’d wake up to Em’s gentle smile. Yet the war grew worse and Chrom was king and no matter how much she pinched herself, reality stayed the same.

“I…I’m not ready to be king.” Her brother’s confession came out a whisper, soft and delicate like a seashell.

Lissa couldn’t say anything, not even that he was wrong. Her hand reached to her hair, to the orange ribbons she used on a daily basis now. Her gift was the last thing she had of Emmeryn and even that was getting harder and harder to remember.

Chrom’s voice was barely audible now. “I couldn’t save her…”

“We couldn’t save her.” Lissa wiped the tears from her eyes; this was no time to cry. Not when her brother needed her, not when he sounded like a child, lost and afraid. Emmeryn would never have wanted that. “It’s not your fault.” When he didn’t respond, she grabbed his arm. “It’s not,” she repeated, firmly.

He didn’t look convinced but he stopped frowning. “Lissa…”

“Besides, it’s your birthday! We can finally have cake and celebrate!” Lissa let go and reached down into her bag. Pulling out a large blue cloth, she presented it to Chrom. “Here’s your present.”

“What…” Chrom trailed off as he unfurled the cape. “When did you make this?”

“…Em and I worked on it together…” Lissa blinked furiously, refusing to cry. Shakily, she pointed to the edge of the cape. A quick look and it was apparent two different hands had made this—in some places, the seam was barely visible, in others all that could be seen were mismatching stitches.  Em had promised to help after and—Lissa had to stop thinking about that. “You looked like you needed a new cape.”

“You…” Chrom gripped the cloth tightly, closing his eyes for a moment. Then, with a shaky smile, he donned the cape. “What do you think?”

It was crooked and Lissa snorted. There was something very Chrom-like about this, something that screamed of home and normalcy. Em would have laughed, she was sure. And if she wasn’t around anymore, then it fell to Lissa.

“You didn’t put it on right!” Lissa scoffed, reaching up to tighten his clasp. “Here, I’ll fix it.”

Emmeryn was alive. Lissa repeated herself over and over. Em was alive. No matter how many times she said, thought it, it didn’t feel entirely real.

But Em was sitting next to her, breathing and smiling and fully, 100% alive.

“It’s nice out.” Lissa beamed at her sister, resisting the urge to throw her arms around her. Even if Em was alive, she wasn’t back. Not entirely, at least.

“Yes…it…is.”  Em’s words were slurred, her mouth having difficulty pronouncing what was clear in her mind.

“This is the best view of the city.” Chrom gestured at the view in front of them. Coincidentally, the hill she had sulked one less than a year ago happened to be the best picnic spot. She was glad that was one detail Chrom left out.

“...I see…” Her sister nodded slowly as she scanned the surroundings. “It is…beautiful…”

“And at peace and all because of you.” Chrom held Em’s hand tenderly, his expression soft. He smiled more these days and Lissa wasn’t sure if it was because they war was over or because Em was alive. It was probably both.

She was sure her face looked exactly the same.

Perplexed, Emmeryn squeezed his hand. “…ok…”

“We…I would not be here right now if it weren’t for what you did. Thank you.”

It was too much, all too much. Lissa could feel her eyes sting, her throat burn, and today was a happy day. She wasn’t going to cry again. Quickly, she shooed Chrom away. “Get the picnic basket!”

There was a knowing look in his eyes and he ruffled her hair. “You ok?”

“I’m hungry.” Lissa batted him away and he dodged, laughing.

“Fine, fine, I’ll go.” Rolling his eyes, he obeyed.

“He’s not allowed to tease me.” Lissa complained, resting her head on her sister’s shoulders. When she was younger, they’d come out on nice summer afternoons. Chrom would practice his swordsmanship in the one place it didn’t matter if he broke something while she napped on Em’s lap. Her sister would stroke her hair softly, just like she was doing now.

Lissa’s eyes snapped open. She wasn’t imagining it, her sister was stroking her head.

“The ribbons…look…good…on you…” Em gave a gentle smile, her hand still softly brushing Lissa’s hair. Was it a coincidence? Lissa was wearing her birthday present, those orange ribbons Em had picked out herself and did she recognize it?

Her mind was in tatters, a jigsaw puzzle with most of the pieces missing, but maybe it was starting to slowly stitch back together. The smile Em gave was ambiguous, the clarity in her eyes possibly a trick of the light, but Lissa wanted to believe.

Her sister could back. Her sister was coming back.

“Alright!” Having returned, Chrom set down a cake in front of them. “Fredrick helped make this, so we didn’t burn anything down this time.”

Lissa wiped the tears from her eyes before her brother could say anything. “Happy birthday, Em.”

Really though, it felt like she was the one getting the gift.

[scoobydoominuscoobydoo]

 Part Six

“You know like...two people, together. That nobody ever thought would be together...”

“I’ll let you students know right now that this job I’ve appointed you is your top priority, grades and attendance will be ignored until you find Miss McCall.” 

Velma visibly flinched, as if their attendance record could get any worse this year.

The gang all sent each other worried looks, the fact that the principal thought calling them in here to let them know that their grades and attendance didn’t matter would make them find Natalie McCall faster was concerning.

Never had so many people put so much faith in them and so far they were letting them all down.

To the point that the freaking principal, the god of their dimension, had to intervene and tell them that either they get their shit together and find his granddaughter or be forced to repeat the year due to the amount of classes they missed. Or worse.

People had sudden expectations of them now. And it was nerve wracking.

Before people would just label them the Nancy Drew wannabes that always sat outside during lunch and had a weird van that seemed like the prime piece of real estate to hand out pot.

Which explained why so many people approached Shag with the hope of buying “A couple ounces.” 

Which only led to Shaggy being confused and that person never associating with the gang ever again.

Daph would usually just say, “I’ll explain it to you when you’re older dear.”

But now the student body president, and local queen of Coolsville, had been kidnapped a week ago and still no ransom was announced.

Suddenly people expected the Nancy Drews and their pot van to jump right in and search for the top rung of the social ladder. But for a while the gang hadn’t planned on getting involved, seeing as there was no man in a mask involved. So it didn’t really fall under their criteria of mysteries.

But when Natalie’s boyfriend approached them offering money to find her, it became clear the people thought they were going to find the lost girl.

After a couple more days of pestering and one altercation where one of the girls from the cheer squad shoved Shaggy against the lockers and demanded they find Nat unless they wanted to be thrown into the school swimming pool that would be “conveniently” filled with a mixture of Vaseline and Nair. 

Of course Daphne nearly strangled her to the ground, she had zero tolerance for anyone who threatened her gang (Shaggy especially) but Shag pulled her away and promised they’d try what they could to find her.

Unfortunately, the gang had no idea where to start and Daph’s constant suggestion that they just rip the cheer squad a new one and let the police handle it wasn’t helping.They had started by talking with the parents who didn’t even try to hide their disappointment at the sight of a bunch of seniors being their only hope to find their baby girl.

They then, skeptically, relayed anything they could remember regarding the kidnapping and their daughter.

The only useful things they got out of that conversation was the fact the Natalie was “the perfect little angel.” And that she was snatched the day of her 16th birthday party.

A party Daph and Fred had been invited to but both turned down since Scooby had a vet appointment that day and they didn’t want a stressed out Shag left alone with Velms who would definitely try to be sympathetic and comforting. But she would absolutely 100% beyond the shadow of a doubt fail horribly and certainly make it worse. Bless her heart.

A few leads would pop up here and there but for the most part they all led to zilch.

The students were getting anxious about Nat’s safety and annoyed with the gang who had yet to find anything on her. The cheerleaders had filled Shag’s locker with unopened tubes of Nair that all came tumbling down on him when he opened it. 

This only further convinced Daph that they needed to attack the squad and forget about finding Nat.

“Daph, like they just miss their friend. Wouldn’t you do the same thing if I was snatched by some freak?”  

“Shaggy, the last time you got kidnapped you were missing for 24 hours and even during that small amount of time I wasn’t able to function or think. I-If you were missing for the same amount of time as Nat than I........”

She never finished that sentence. 

They had left the principal’s office with grim looks on their faces.

The gang could see the gears in Velma’s head set at maximum speed as she tried to figure out their next damn move.

Fred grabbed the back of her shoulders and steered her through the crowd of people as she continued to think. Daph sent glares to any of the cheerleaders that walked by them and took a protective stance next to Shaggy. 

“Oh man my sweet knight in shining armor! Like, what would I do without you?”

She was pulled out of bodyguard mode by his clear teasing and sighed, she knew Shag wanted her to give them a break. But that would mean having to apologize to them, and Daphne was not a fan of saying sorry to people she disliked.

They all stopped at Velma’s locker, the wheels still turning it seemed, and Fred leaned against the door of the locker next to hers.

Shaggy and Daphne looked at each other and then back at Velms.

Whenever her brain was turned onto 100% she would usually be spaced out for a few minutes to a few hours. They were all hoping it would be the latter.

And they were lucky this time because after another five or so minutes with eyes glazed over, she popped back into reality with a start. Making Shaggy jump back and bump into one of the students. Both of them crashed to the ground.

Velma looked down and rolled her eyes, “Maybe we should call you Danger Prone Shaggy so that you and Daph can be all matchy matchy.” 

Daphne giggled nervously as she grabbed onto his arm and helped Shaggy stand up again, sending anxious glaces to a confused Fred, who didn’t get the point of Velma’s joke. 

Shaggy didn’t seem to hear what Velms said since he was too busy apologizing to whoever he crashed into and knocked down.

As he turned his attention back to the group, Daph let go of his arm and pretended to be busy brushing imaginary dirt off of her dress.

Fred just shrugged and turned back to Velma.

“You got anything Velms?”

She stared at all of them for a second before smirking, “Of course I do, why else would you guys keep me?” She turned around and started to enter the combination for her locker as she began to explain her idea.

“This is obviously so much bigger than just Natalie. I mean while it may be tempting to kidnap a 15 - no - 16 year old girl now.” She pulled open her locker, “I believe that this has something to do with her parents, her father more specifically.”

“Wait so you think Nat’s dad, like went out and pissed somebody off and like a decent human being the somebody that got pissed went and kidnapped the apple of his eye and now has him so nervous that he’s practically pulling his hair out without touching it?” Velma sent Shaggy a glare and turned back to searching her locker.

“I checked out a book on the McCall family seeing as they’re one of the oldest families in Coolsville and this town is bored as fuck.” She shoved a pile of, “light reading” books aside and got on her tip toes to try and reach up and grab whatever was behind them.

“And for the generation before ours, or Nat’s parents. The family had split off into two, one with Nat’s dad and - thank you Freddie - one with Nat’s uncle or her dad’s brother.” She held out the book that Fred had grabbed from the locker and handed to her.

She flipped through the pages quickly, most likely trying to spot one page in particular.

“Basically a lot of bickering and, ‘Why did daddy give you the nice house and I just got his $300,000 car??!!’ went down and the brothers stopped talking to each other.” Daph snorted.

“Been there done that, family feuds are so not as fun as you’d think.” Everyone rolled their eyes and sent Daphne a look that said, “Not now.”

“Aaaanywaaay, because Nat’s dad had made smarter business choices and isn’t a fucking moron his brother got pissed at him and decided the reason he was rich was because he inherited ‘more’ than him from their dad.”

Fred cleared his throat and nodded.

Daph sighed, “So....you think that this brother hated Nat’s dad so much that he kidnapped his niece....o-out of revenge for being poorer than his brother??”

Velma shrugged, “That would explain why there’s been no ransom demand, and the brothers have both been known to threaten each other in public. Plus he’s able to play the concerned uncle card so the police haven’t focused on him.”

Freddie groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Velms you do realize that is grasping at not even straws here, we’re grasping at coffee stirrers?” 

Velma shook head.

“Look this uncle recently rented out the newer yacht brought to the marina and he’s done nothing with it. He hasn’t even taken it out on the the water! I’ll bet you anything that he’s keeping Natalie there!”

Shaggy chuckled nervously, “Like, I hope you’re not willing to bet us all probably getting expelled if this doesn’t work out.”

He could see Daphne glance down at his hands out of the corner of his eye. They weren’t shaking, but he wasn’t really sure why she thought they would be shaking at all.

After Velma’s revelation they discussed the plan with the police.

While the idea got a lot of eyebrow raises, these meddling kids had never been wrong before.

So they dropped Shaggy and Daphne back at the high school so that if Nat was safe and intact they could call them and they would let the school know she was fine.

Fred and Velma were gonna be forced to stay in the squad car and that was the best they could get.

As Shag and Daph waited for the call from Velma it became clear how riled up the students were getting. The cheerleaders sneered and others sent them warning glares. They had no idea why them not being able to find Nat would automatically be their fault. Solving mysteries grounded in reality was never their thing and Nat was no exception.

Shaggy sighed, that was just the logic of high school, he was so glad he only had less than one year left of this hell.

And then he gulped, if this didn’t work out then who knows what the principal would do to them. He could force them to repeat a year or worse, expel them.

If that happened it wouldn’t be any good for Fred and Velma who both applied to Yale and Stanford. He glanced over at Daphne who was twiddling her thumbs and just looking pretty in general. She wanted to go to NYU in a desperate attempt to escape her family’s stupid traditions and live as far away from them as she could within reason. 

He felt his heartbeat start to pick up.

The future always seemed to make him nervous. 

But the chance that this would ruin his friend’s futures, Daphne’s future, it just made his skin run cold.

He wondered how their parents would react.

He gulped, he had a pretty good idea of how his parents would respond.

He took a deep breath and bit into his lower lip, he needed to calm down. If he panicked now then he would just go absolutely insane if Nat wasn’t okay.

It had been around an hour since they had been dropped off and there was still no call from Velms and no news of the condition of of the victim.

Daphne looked over at Shag and saw that he seemed to be in his beginning stages of panic, she wasn’t totally sure where the panic was coming from but the current stakes people had put on them were even making her nervous. 

She walked over to him slowly an began to make a grab for his hand, “Shags...you alri-”

Her moment was cut off by the sound of the Dairy Queen theme. 

Shaggy’s ringtone.

They jumped and seemed frozen for a second, both just looking at each other.

Exhaling, he grabbed his phone out of his back pocket and answered.

“Velma?......... It what?......With his girlfriend......She’s just....gone???” Daphne was holding her breath as she heard the bits and pieces and felt her heart sink as Shaggy’s face fell and his breathing picked up.

She wasn’t there.

They had no idea where she was.

Or if she was still alive.

His hand fell back down to his side, Velma still talking to him on the other end, probably not aware that he wasn’t listening.

Daph watched as his eyes began to dart around, “Shaggy a-are you alright?? You need to breathe!” She grabbed onto his hand which he quickly tightened around hers.

“Hey! Nancy’s! How’s Nat is she doing okay??” Daph groaned as she looked around trying to spot a place to escape.She could hear him begin to wheeze, totally at a loss for breath, as more people began to approach them and demand Nat’s condition. Making it even harder for Daph to plot an escape route.

After a second she groaned and made sure her grip on Shag’s hand was tight.

With her other arm she began to elbow people out of the way, trying to find somewhere where everything would be quiet.

Out of the corner of her eye she spotted the van parked next to the front courtyard. She looked back at Shaggy, who was definitely not okay, and tightened her grip on his hand and choosing to ignore all the people that were calling out to them.

She tuned them out as she opened the front doors and made sure her and Shaggy didn’t come tumbling down the front steps.

Looking back again her heart ached to see him like his.

Sure she had seen it happen before but usually Scooby helped him out a lot. 

And this was definitely nothing like her mother’s panic attacks that just required a shot of tequila and the Cheetah Girls 2 sound track.

Luckily the van had been left unlocked and she opened the back doors, climbing in and pulling Shag in with her.

Letting go of his hand, she crawled over and shut the back doors.

Now that she had nothing to tune out, Shag’s shallow, panicked breath was the only thing she could hear. She turned back and looked at his pale face, “Shag wha-what do you need me to do?” She crawled back over to him and grabbed both of his hands but he pulled them away. He cradled his head in his hands, still failing to breathe properly.

Daphne felt like crying and screaming and having her own panic attack but she would be leaving Shaggy alone. And that wasn’t an option.

“Sh-Shags look at me wh-what’s wrong?!”

She placed both of her hands on either side of his face and forced him to look at her face. His brown eyes were tearing up and were darting all over the place, almost refusing to stay focused on one thing.

As he tried to speak to her he seemed to be speaking fast in his head but it came out in a jumbled mess that he could barely squeeze out through panicked wheezes.

“W-We...sh-she’s- we’re never- gonna find her......Sh-She could - She could be dead!! A-and we’re gonna be......m-......my parents are-......they’re gonna kill me.” Daphne shook her head, her eyes were probably tearing up just like his.

He kept going on and on to the point that it looked painful for him to try and talk to her, to barely string these sentences together.

She couldn’t stand to see this, to see Shaggy, her Shaggy, losing himself and she couldn’t think of anything to do. She watched his eyes that seemed to examine every detail of her face.

Those eyes always made her happy.

She loved those eyes dearly, and couldn’t stand to see them so terrified.

What would she do to protect those eyes?

Maybe a better question is what wouldn’t she do for those eyes to stay safe.

Nothing.

There is nothing she wouldn’t do to protect those eyes, and the perfection they belong to.

Everything suddenly felt warm, not just the space around them but they themselves felt warm. A nice, comforting warmth, like the kind you get from a hug. But the kind of hug you want.

It had taken Daph a few seconds to process where this warmth was coming from.

And then she remembered that a few seconds ago she leaned forward and pressed her lips against Shaggy’s, which I guess is typically classified as a kiss. 

They stayed in that position for a while, Daph’s hands resting on his cheeks as they both relaxed. At that moment, neither of them wanted to move at all because then that would mean they’d either pretend this never happened or talk about it.

Eventually that warmth had to fade, so Daph pulled away gently.

Not nearly brave enough to open her eyes and look into that face.

She noted that his breathing seemed to be evening out which was good. She slid her hands down his cheeks and let them rest on her knees.

Letting out a heavy sigh, she opened her eyes and was quickly welcomed by the shocked face of her good old friend Shaggy. His eyes were wide as he looked at her, clearly trying to process the events that had just conspired.

“Wh-....What?” Daph flinched and bit her lip.

Shag was quiet again for a few seconds before saying, “W-Why the hell....Why did you kiss me??” Daph’s heartbeat picked up and she felt her cheeks go red. ‘Because I’m so freaking in love with you to the point that it physically affects me and I hate it but I think I’d go crazy without it.’

That was the first answer that popped up in her head and it was a little too over eager and on top of that it included the stunning revelation that she was in love with him.

Something even she herself was not aware of.

“I-...I just...I don’t know!! Isn’t that just what you do in the movies?? I-I just....you know figured since kissing is more powerful than modern medicine.” She blurted that all out a lot louder than she needed to but it’s the thought that counts.

Shag shook his head, “You tried to end my panic attack by like using something only Disney would think of?” Daphne rolled her eyes, her cheeks still feeling hot as ever.

“Well it worked didn’t it? Look at you! You’re all cool and okay. I mean....are you doing better?” She rested her hand on his shoulder, her voice quickly becoming concerned. He let out a sigh and leaned his head back so that is was rest on the back of the front seats.

“S-Sorry, it was just a little too much all at once.” She shook her head.

“Don’t apologize unless you did something wrong.” He chuckled and looked back forward toward her, good lord those eyes are back, “Shags, we’re gonna be fine, you know that right? It’s always gonna be okay no matter what happens. And even though we may have been wrong about Nat this one time that-....that doesn’t mean we won’t find her at all.” 

She held onto his hand gingerly and stroked it with her thumb.

“She’s gonna be okay Shag’s, we’re always gonna be okay.”

He stared down at their intertwined fingers and nodded slowly.  

Daphne smiled, “Now we could either stay in here and wait for Velma and Freddie, or we wait for them back in the school.”

“Like, staying here’s good.” 

Nodding, she relaxed her position, not letting go of his hands.

For the next few minuted they just sat in that familiar, comfortable silence waiting for their friends to return with the next plan.

The main thing on Daphne’s mind during that time was, out of all the kisses she’d experienced in her life, which was a lot; this one was definitely her favorite.

[loving-barnes]

UNEXPECTED SURPRISE – STEVE ROGERS

(A/N): Oh man, this could be much better. Oh well. 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x f!reader

Summary: Steve is sent away for six long months. When he comes back, something unexpected happened while he was gone.

Warning: fluffy fluff

Words: 2800+

FULL MASTERLIST | STEVE ROGERS MASTERLIST

UNEXPECTED SURPRISE – STEVE ROGERS

Steve was looking into the (e/c) eyes that were filled not only with love but also with worry and sadness. It was their last night together before he had to leave away for six months. Six months without his love felt like an eternity to him. They had spent the last few days together, trying to have some quality time alone, without the team’s presence. The couple was together for almost two years and they were happy – until Fury announced, Rogers, Barnes, and Vision had to go on a mission that was in Buenos Aires. Steve could feel how (Y/N)’s heart almost broke when she heard the news and so did his.

“I love you, you know that,” he brushed away a strand of her hair, giving her a sincere smile. “We will make it. It’s only six months, (Y/N). Nothing will change. I’ll be back before Christmas,” he kissed the tip of her nose.

“We won’t celebrate your birthday,” she bit her lower lip, trying to hold the tears back. “I was planning on making a huge party for you. It’s your 100th birthday this year.”

He smirked. “I’m too old for you.”

“Yes, you are. I’m a gold digger and I only want to date old, rich men,” she gave him a playful wink and snuggled her naked body closer to his. “Old, rich men with a hot body,” she kissed his left pectoral and hummed contentedly. “I wish…”

“Shh,” he stroked her hair and leaned his chin on top of her head. “I wish the same, but there’s nothing we can do about it,” Steve sighed. “Six months – it’s a long time but it’s not forever.”

“I know,” her lower lip trembled and she sobbed. “Sorry,” she apologized.

“Oh, baby,” his hand quickly found her face and he made her look up at him. “Please, don’t cry,” his face saddened. Steve quickly gave her a deep kiss that was meant to fill her up with all the love that was in him. “I’ll try to write you or call you every time I can, I promise. I know Fury said we are not allowed to communicate with any of you. However, I will find a way to at least send you a text or something.”

She swallowed a sob. “Promise me, you will come back to me, alive, in one piece, still filled with the love you are giving me now,” (Y/N) tried to smile but failed as she started to cry. “I’m going to miss you, yes. Unfortunately, I’m more afraid something might happen to you. I’ll not be there to protect your ass,” she tried to joke.

The man laughed, pulling her into a tight embrace, laughing into her ear. “Yeah, I’m going to miss your jokes, baby. You don’t have to worry, (Y/N). I’ll have Vision and Bucky there. Besides, I’m the Captain America. I’ll be more than fine.”

“Oh, Steve,” she laughed a little and hid her face in the crook of his neck. “Just hold me until you go.”

...

Standing in front of the jet and watching Steve coming out of it to say goodbye one last time was hard. (Y/N) was the only one there. The rest of the team said their goodbye last night when they were having a small party that Steve and (Y/N) avoided perfectly. The woman dryly gulped and did her best not to start crying again. Her heart was beating fast, trying to escape her chest and run to Steve.

“You okay?” he asked even when he knew it was the stupidest question ever. He quickly took her into his strong, protective arms before she started to cry. “I’m going to miss you, baby.”

“Me too,” she sighed. “I love you, Steve. Don’t forget that,” she looked at him. Their lips connected in one last loving kiss that felt like an eternity. It was becoming harder to let him go. “I-I,” she mumbled incoherently. “I have to go because I won’t be able t-to, uh,” she stopped in the middle of the sentence. “Please come back in one piece.” That was the last sentence she said to him. Afterwards, she turned on her heel and left.

“I love you too!” she heard him say, but she wasn’t able to turn around even when a small smile appeared on her lips.

Saying goodbye to someone was always hard and when it came to Steve, it was even harder. Luckily, Natasha and Wanda were immediately by her side, taking her to the nearest ice cream shop for a big treat. Their mission, as her best friends, was to keep her mind occupied for the first few days.

They spent nights together, watching movies and talked about everything. They also discussed if Steve learned something new in bed – they always asked about it when they had a slumber party. Wanda talked about various boys she met while taking classes of English in a private school in New York. Natasha mentioned something about Bruce and their relationship. Their mission to keep (Y/N) occupied was successful.

When new missions had started, (Y/N) became more comfortable with being alone. She always thought about Steve and imagined what they would be doing if he was in the tower. Tony, as a good friend and the new leader of the smaller team, gave her a lot of work and missions to do with the girls. She even lost track of time and sometimes had forgotten about the days and dates.

It was September when she noticed one thing wasn’t right. After a lot of thinking and finding out the problem, she called Natasha. Her face was pale and there were tears in her eyes. “Nat? Can you come, here? I’m in a big trouble.”

…

It was December 18th and the Christmas mood was all around New York and the Tower. Tony hired people to decorate the corridors and the main room with Christmas decorations. All of them were spending Christmas together. He even invited Clint’s family to join them. The Iron Man promised a family party with no other guests and with a little booze. They accepted.

Natasha was walking near the runway, waiting for the jet to arrive with the rest of their team. The mission was prolonged for almost two weeks, but finally, they were coming home. The redhead had a job to do and she didn’t know how to do it. She was fiddling with her fingers, nervously walking here and there like a lion in a cage. Occasionally, she asked F.R.I.D.A.Y. about the time and their location.

“You can do this,” she talked to herself. “You only need to send him up,” she whispered and looked up when she heard the plane approaching the tower. They were here.

She was the only one waiting for their arrival. The rest of the Avengers were in the main room, getting ready for a big welcome party - Tony insisted. Clint was with his family and he planned to arrive two days before Christmas.

When the plane landed and the door opened, Vision was the first one who got out, greeting Natasha. After two minutes, Bucky and Steve came out, both holding two big bags. They looked at her and gave her a big smile. “Romanoff, what a pleasant surprise,” Bucky said mockingly. “We were expecting a bigger audience, but this is better than nothing.”

Natasha looked at Steve and dryly gulped. The little grin he had on the face was gone. “W-Where is (Y/N)?” he asked nervously. She took a deep breath. “Natasha? Where-is-(Y/N)? Is she hurt?” he panicked.

“No. No! She’s fine, Steve. She’s more than fine,” she hesitated.

“What’s going on?” the brunet asked.

“Listen, Steve, I need you to go to her and s-she will explain,” she smiled at him. “She isn’t hurt and she didn’t find anyone, don’t worry. She still loves you.”

That made him relax a little and without any other question, he went to the elevator with his bags, not caring if the rest of the team wanted to greet him. There was only one person he had to see and that was the woman he loved the most. Something was definitely wrong with her and he needed to take her into his arms and make things better.

Once he got to their shared floor, he left the bags at the elevator door and walked through the hallway. “(Y/N)?” he called her name but nothing happened. When he didn’t find her in their living room and kitchen, he went to the bedroom. Slowly opening the door, he noticed her standing at the window, wearing a fluffy red bathrobe he gave her for her birthday.

“Hi, (Y/N),” he smiled; glad she was well and alive. “Nat told me to go to you. Is everything alright? Are you hurt? What is happening?” he started to ask many questions.

“C-Can you please sit down?” she asked quietly, not stepping away from the window.

“Baby, you are scaring me,” he did as he was told, sitting down on their bed while his eyes never left her figure. “Please tell me what’s wrong. I’m here for you. I won’t run away. Is your family okay? Please, (Y/N), tell me. This is killing me,” he begged.

She had to take a deep breath as her hand untied the bathrobe. Very slowly, with shaking legs, she turned to him. (Y/N) was more than happy to see him after six months that became harder than she thought they would be. Clearing her throat, she slowly took off the piece of fluffy material and revealed her big secret.

Steve’s blue eyes widened and he put a hand on his wide-open mouth. Everything looked normal except her big round belly. “I-I’m pregnant,” she whispered, tears filling her eyes while her hands stroked her belly that carried a child in it.

The man quietly stood up from the bed. (Y/N) expected him to leave the room without saying a word like she predicted. His next action only surprised her. He ran to her, both hands landing on her cheeks as he kissed her passionately. It wasn’t just a welcome kiss. It was filled with love that was now even bigger and deeper. The kiss was new to both of them and it brought tears to their eyes.

“I-I’m going to be a dad?” he asked, crying. “W-what, when? How? I mean, I just,” he was stammering as a smile came back on his face. “We’re going to have a baby?”

“Y-You’re not- ?” her eyes widened but any other words were swallowed as he kissed her again lovingly.

“How could I be?” he pulled her into his arms. “We are having a baby,” he whispered. “You gave me the biggest and the best Christmas gift ever – even when it is totally unexpected.” After that, he kneeled in front of her, putting both of his big hands on the belly, kissing it.

She combed his hair with fingers, smiling and crying at the same time. “Oh, Steve.”

“Tell me everything, baby. I want to know every detail. How far are you? When did you find out? Why haven’t you told Fury to call me back because you needed me,” he kissed her belly one more time before he stood up and dragged her to the bed where they sat down.

“Well, I found it out in September…”

…

“Nat? Can you come here? I’m in a big trouble.”

The redhead looked at her phone confused and then replied to her friend. “What’s happening? Can you tell me now? I’m kind of in the middle of a lunch with Bruce,” she sighed, her eyes looked at the man she was in love with.

“Y-You,” (Y/N) started to cry. “You have to come here, now!”

Natasha didn’t like the crying. It must have been something big and bad when her friend was crying. “I’ll be there in five,” and she hung up the phone, quickly putting a piece of meat into her mouth. “I’ll be right back. Something happened to (Y/N) and she’s crying.”

“Should I come?” Bruce asked, putting the fork next to his plate.

“No, finish your meal. I’ll call you if necessary,” she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and hurriedly left the main kitchen. She only hoped (Y/N) wasn’t crying because she missed the Captain. For the last two months, she was doing well. Why was she crying?

When she arrived at (Y/N) and Steve’s floor, there was silence at first, but then her ears registered the sobbing. They led her to the main bathroom on the floor. When she entered it, her friend was sitting on the ground, crying her eyes out. “(Y/N), what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” she questioned as she scanned the surrounding, looking for the cause of her breakdown.

The woman didn’t have to answer because Natasha found the answer on the slab next to the sink. There was a pregnancy test and it was positive. “Is this what I think it is?” she asked, looking at the test with wide eyes. “Are you pregnant?” What a stupid question.

“Nat, I-I can’t have this baby,” the woman started to talk. “Steve’s not here and he doesn’t know about it. I don’t want to have kids now when he’s not around. W-What if he doesn’t want kids? I just… I can’t,” she was shaking her head while her body was shivering.

“No, (Y/N), don’t think like that,” she sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders while one hand quickly found her mobile and texted Wanda. “Steve loves you and he loves kids. You saw how he adores children when they are around him. You two are a great couple. Maybe it’s soon but who cares? You are going to have a baby with Steve! The child will be surrounded by the best aunts and uncles, filled with love.”

“Nat…”

“Stop it,” she frowned. “Don’t think negative, understand?”

“But-“

“No, (Y/N). You are going to be an amazing mom with the best man by your side. Don’t even think he doesn’t want kids.”

…

“I was really scared,” (Y/N) looked into Steve’s eyes, smiling a little. “We never talked about being parents, having a kid together, starting a family. After I got checked and the pregnancy was confirmed by a doctor, I talked to Fury. He refused to contact you, said you have to focus on the mission. I was frustrated, angry and sad – call it pregnancy hormones.”

“How far are you?” he took her hands and gently kissed each on their back.

“This is my sixth month. I’m finishing the second trimester at the end of this month,” (Y/N) explained to him. “The baby is totally and completely healthy, you don’t have to be worried,” she gave him a resurrecting smile. “Although, the baby is going to be weird just like us,” she giggled. “It’ll have your super-soldier genes and my weirdness.”

The man laughed at the statement and immediately kissed her temple. “I’m so happy, (Y/N),” he smiled. “You are carrying our child. You are giving me my secret dream. I love you so much. I love you both so much.” His hand once again rested on the round belly, stroking it gently. He started to laugh. “The timing could not be better,” he grinned at her.

She was confused. “What are you saying?” she narrowed her eyes.

Steve’s hands went into the pocket of his jeans and he pulled out a small velvet box. “I wanted to do it on Christmas Eve but I think there’s no point in waiting any longer,” he gave her the box.

Her mouth almost dropped on the floor. “I-is it what I think it is?” she blinked at him a few times, not believing what was happening. The woman almost dropped the box when she opened it. There was a silver ring with a diamond in it and it was just perfect. “Oh, Steve,” he made her cry - again.

“Will you marry me, (Y/N)? Will you do the honour of becoming my wife, Mrs Rogers?” he took out the ring, slowly putting it on her ring finger. He already knew her answer.

“Yes, Steve! I will marry you,” she squealed, wrapping around his neck and kissing him deeply. “I love you, Captain.”

“I love you too, baby,” he nuzzled his nose against hers, smiling. He was the luckiest man on Earth. The woman he loved wanted to marry him and they were expecting a baby. “Can you tell me the gender of the baby? I believe you know it.”

She nodded. “I’m going to reveal it at the party that is happening tonight. Everybody wants to know it and since you are back, I will finally reveal it.”

“Can you tell me?” he begged.

“No. You have to wait for another hour or two. I’ve waited for you for six months. You can wait for a few hours,” she winked at him, gently kissing his lips.

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[kbaldwin0609]

'The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All' Recap: Keeping it 100

‘The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All’ (Photo: ABC)

Warning: This recap for the ‘Men Tell All’ episode of The Bachelorette contains spoilers. 

Welcome to the penultimate week of Rachel’s “journey,” rose lovers!

Yep, it’s time to revisit all the “drama” and “controversy” and “heartbreak” from the past 9 weeks — which will be far more tolerable if you play the “take a shot every time some dude you don’t recognize speaks” drinking game. We’re lookin’ at you, pal.

But first, filler!

Did any of us really need to relive those moments featuring Kasey, Kalon, Clint, Chad, some random dudes from Andi’s season, Kaitlyn’s hate tweets — and the highly awkward gender reveal of Ashley and JP’s baby? Of course not. That time would have been better spent grilling Dean about his weird tsunami hairdo.

Still, the crowd LOVES him.

At last, it’s time for the awkward reunions.

Lucas says he still doesn’t understand why Blake was “obsessing” over him in the house, but before Blake can really respond, Adam jumps in with the joke he must have been practicing in front of the mirror for weeks: “There was so much Whaboom, where it should just kind of been like, ‘Whabye.’” Nailed it, bro!

Chris Harrison then turns the conversation to DeMario — who, it should be noted, will only make one very oblique reference to the Bachelor in Paradise s**tshow tonight, because Team Bachelorette is apparently saving that for a separate DeMario-Corinne interview special. Instead, DeMario is here tonight to defend himself against Girlfriendgate.

Sure, says DeMario, I had sexual relations with that woman — but she was nothing more than a “side chick.”

“You can boo me, but I’m keepin’ it real,” DeMario tells the crowd.

Harrison counters that DeMario told him on tape that he and Lexi had dated, but DeMario just continues to deny it, while also dropping some kind of expletive-laded reference to President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. Dean, bless his heart, puts an end to the discussion by declaring that while DeMario made “some stupid decisions,” at least he’s not a piece of human garbage like Whaboom or Lee. Solid point, sir. Let’s move on.

Oh God, now it’s Iggy’s turn to defend himself.

We feel you, Josiah.

“Look, I have no problem being opinionated,” says Iggy. “My responsibility at the time was to be honest with this woman that I was really, really attracted to… I would do it again.” I wonder if he would say the same thing about choosing to wear that Mr. T chain to the taping.

If you went to refill your wine glass during Iggy’s brief moment in the spotlight, hustle on back to the couch now, because it’s time for Kenny vs. Lee. Or more accurately, it’s time for the other guys to talk s**t about Lee and his less-than-inclusive attitudes. “Kenny might have been the most well-liked guy in the house, and it’s hard to say the same about Lee,” says Dean, who was apparently nominated by Team Bachelorette to be their Spokesperson Against Racism. “And when you have literally 30 people on your side versus one person, it’s clear who the person in the right is and who is wrong.”

While Adam jumps in to say that Lee’s claim that Kenny tried to pull him out of a van in Hilton Head was simply “not true,” DeMario comes to the tiny white Southerner’s defense: “When all my s**t was going on, Lee reached out to me first,” he says. “The Lee I know was a very genuine guy.” Will agrees, saying that he had a decent relationship with Lee for most of the show, and that he was surprised and “disappointed” to learn about Lee’s racist tweets. Even Kenny notes that his conflict with Lee “didn’t feel like racism… It really just felt like, this dude’s out of his league.”

This goes on and on, with the Kenny asserting that he did his best to take the high road so as not to disgrace himself in the eyes of his daughter, McKenzie, and the guys insisting that they never once witnessed Kenny being “aggressive.” Lee, meanwhile, hasn’t said anything — and when he finally does start talking, it’s clear he’s in Redemption Tour mode. First, Lee admits that Kenny didn’t actually try to pull him out of a van (“Yeah, no s**t,” notes Kenny drily), and then he apologizes for not being a “better friend.”

Okay thanks, Captain Understatement. And then, in an effort to wash away all the bitterness of the Lee-Kenny feud, Harrison surprises Kenny with the news that McKenzie is actually backstage. And you guys, she’s carrying a rose for her Dad.

Dammit, I hate when this stupid show makes me cry! “I’m proud of you,” McKenzie tells her Dad. “You were, like, number eight.” And her little face, when Chris Harrison announces that the show is sending them to Disneyland to celebrate Kenny’s birthday?

My stone-cold heart just can’t handle this much sweetness. Good thing it’s time to talk to Lee.

“I should have been a better friend,” Lee repeats, after noting that sometimes his “facetious” sense of humor does not come across well. Yeah, the guys aren’t buying it. “While the episodes were airing, you did not take to social media once to denounce anything that you were saying or doing,” snaps Dean. “In fact, you were promoting your actions every single time on Instagram… Now that you’re in the hot seat, now that 18 people are calling you on your s**t, this is the moment when you’re saying sorry.” Dean’s got an excellent point, but I almost missed it because I was so busy puzzling over his bizarre hair.

Anyhow, all the guys want Lee to truly apologize — not just for “ruffling feathers” in the house, but also for things like this:

“For me to read that out loud makes me feel unbelievable uncomfortable,” says Harrison. “When you see it now… how do you feel about it?” Oh, you know, Lee feels like he has “a lot to learn” in “that area” (meaning, what, common human decency?) and that his statements were “inconsiderate.” But once again, the Men Tell All’s titular men are not having it. “Everybody’s sorry when they get caught,” says Kenny. Josiah takes it a step further, walking on to the stage and sitting down next to Lee on the couch. If Lee really believes the NAACP is like the KKK — “people who hung my ancestors,” notes Josiah — why did he come on a show with a black Bachelorette?

“I don’t like racism at all,” counters Lee. “And when I woke up and I saw that those [tweets] came out, it hurt me a lot, and I started thinking about how reckless…”

At this point, Lee is shouted down by the other bachelors, who know they didn’t just hear Lee say those racist tweets hurt him. “When you woke up the next day and you realized that you sent those racist-ass tweets, the next day did you go, ‘I, Lee, denounce these tweets’?” asks DeMario. “Or did you wait a year and nine days to be on this stage right now, and now are you saying it?”

Clearly the answers to those questions are “No” and “yes,” but instead Lee mumbles something about not intending “for it to come out the way that it did. It cut it in half when it released it onto Twitter from my Facebook.” Okay, so the message was truncated — so what did Lee intend for it to mean, in its full and glorious context?

Yeah, Lee’s got nothin’ — unless, for some reason, Team Bachelorette edited his answer out. He will say he denounces those tweets, and reiterates that the KKK tweet was only part of his full post on FB. (But what did the rest of that post say? He doesn’t explain, and as far as I can tell his personal profile page is private.) So Anthony tries the direct approach to get Lee to say something — anything — reflective about his past behavior: “Are your actions motivated by racist thoughts that are implicitly embedded in your mentality?”

Short answer: Maybe? “I was lacking, and I did things that were wrong,” says Lee. “I am grateful that I have people in my life now that make me not like I was when I made a racist comment. I completely denounce that, and I denounce that Lee. And… I want to learn.” Lee adds that he’s sorry for being “ignorant in those subjects” — and the guys finally decide to accept his apology.

Okay, great. Let us never speak of this drama again. We have more pressing matters to cover: Like Dean’s heartbreak. (And his camo tux.) ((And his hair.)) I know, I know, I should leave the poor guy alone — especially when he’s talking so thoughtfully about his very emotional hometown visit. “That was the realest, most raw moment that I had throughout the entire experience,” says Dean. “Had I not gone there with Rachel, I don’t think that I ever would have addressed the feelings that I had suppressed for so long.” Harrison doesn’t dwell too long on the catharsis, though, because he wants to make sure everyone knows Dean will be in Paradise with these bozos come August 14:

Hey, look who’s here — the Queen herself!

Rachel’s barely up there a minute though before Dean joins her to learn more about why she sent him packing in Dallas. “I am just still kind of confused about why you told me you were falling in love with me, and then I got the boot, like, four days later.” Of course, as Rachel tries to explain herself, all I could do was study Dean’s entire lewk.

Though Rachel insists she meant it when she said she was falling in love with him too, Dean wonders now if she just said it because she felt bad for him after the disastrous family visit. “I’m sorry that’s how you feel,” she responds. “But if you know me, I never say anything just to say something — at all.”

They hug it out, and Harrison pivots to DeMario. “Who?” asks Rachel jokingly.

Rachel dismisses her former suitor with a shrug. “For me, the dishonesty was like, ‘All right, you gotta go.’” Roger that!

As for The Kenny and Lee Situation, Rachel tells Kenny she was “disappointed” in how he handled it — because he’s clearly the bigger man (literally and figuratively). “Lee was Lee,” she says. “I wish you could have just realized that was background noise.”

As for Lee? Well, sir, don’t come for our Bachelorette (or her men) unless she sends for you. “I’d be more than happy to give you a black history lesson,” says Rachel. “A lesson on women’s rights — you know what I’m saying?”

God willing, this will be the last we hear from this dude.

Harrison wraps things up by letting some of the other guys ask whatever burning questions they have for Rachel — but mostly they all just want to say how great she is and how they understand why she made the choices she did. All of them, that is, except for Fred. He’s pretty annoyed that Rachel didn’t give him a chance. “I thought that because I knew you, that I could bring a level of comfort to you,” he says. “But the reaction that you gave me was one that I least expected.” Still, he’s “so happy” to see her happy, so yay?

Let’s give Kenny the last word.

Damn right. Now, on to the bloopers!

The best of the bloopers involve food: Josiah stuffing his face with oysters and Norwegian hors d’oeuvres, Rachel munching chips while preparing to send Josiah home, and Dean’s disgusting gum storage. (“How is that gross? It’s my ear.” Blech.)

Speaking of gross, Team Bachelorette made sure to zoom in on DeMario just as Harrison faked out the crowd by announcing a “sneak peek of the exciting and already controversial new season of Bachelor in Paradise.”

You can exhale, pal — the promo won’t air until next week.

Welp, rose lovers, we’ve almost made it to the end — and I want to know what you thought about tonight’s Men Tell All. Did Lee redeem himself at all? Should Dean skip Paradise and head right to the Bachelor mansion? And am I paranoid to think that Mike Fleiss is already grooming McKenzie to be the Bachelorette in about 15 years? Post your thoughts now! And stay tuned for Chris Harrison’s behind-the-scenes blog, coming Tuesday. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch that Dave Chappelle routine about OJ.

The Bachelorette airs Mondays at 8 p.m. on ABC.

Read More From Yahoo TV: ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Another Queen Bites the Dust ‘Big Brother’: Could Kevin Actually Win?  ‘The Walking Dead’: 20 Things You Didn’t Know About Jeffrey Dean Morgan

[measuringlife]

Measuring Monday: Career Aspirations & Trajectory

The first job I said I wanted to have as a little kid (maybe 5 years old or so) “when I grew up” was a fashion designer. I remember this “fashion plates” toy I had where you could mix and match the plates of outfit tops and bottoms. Then pencil /charcoal rub across them onto paper so you could color in the outfit you created. I also had a light up sketch table for tracing that I remember I really liked. I got into playing Barbie and dressing them up however that dream didn’t last very long. In like 2nd grade I wanted to be a judge, perhaps because there were a lot of early-mid nighties high profile trials that sparked my interest. I soon learned that in order to become a judge you had to be a lawyer first, so that was my career ambition much to my mother’s delight for a few years.

In 7th grade, I started watching the Today Show on NBC before school and set my sights on broadcast journalism. I loved both the idea of anchoring the Today Show or being an MTV VJ. The more the 24-hour news cycle evolved the more I wanted to be a broadcaster, the round the clock coverage of Princess Diana's death was particularly memorable. While watching the Today Show I saw a commercial for Quinnipiac University (well at the time it was a College)’s new Ed McMahon School of Communications. Thus my love affair with Quinnipiac started.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts I worked a lot in high school, plus my school was like 25 minutes away from home so I didn’t participate in extracurricular activities, even if I did there was a very limited “media” program - I think I only got a semester of “media” class in my junior year and I was never into print media so the newspaper wasn’t of interest either. However when it came time to start of Quinnipiac I started networking with the college radio station upperclassmen. I found myself doing the news for the daily morning show my first semester and then starting my second semester had my own weekly 2-hour radio show with a rotating cast of co-hosts over the years. I even did my internship at a top 40 station in New Haven. I was really torn when it came to graduation, but I took the safe route and got a free masters from the University of Connecticut in higher education and student affairs.

I start my post-college years working at UConn as a part-time hall director which meant free housing, free laundry, and a free meal plan plus a small stipend. It was a solid gig, but I definitely worked more than 20 hours a week. The summer between grad school years I did an internship in Alabama of all places at Auburn University. My goal was to move to California after grad school so I applied to 2 California schools, one in DC, FL, NC, and then Auburn almost as a joke, but I paper I really liked their program. After phone interviews with a number of schools, I also was shocked to realize that I really liked my interview with Auburn. Since I never studied abroad I thought why not spent 10 weeks in Alabama. Well, I loved it - much to my surprise!

When it came time to start job searching for my first full-time job out of grad school I had my eye on as I came to call it “the smile of the US” aka anything along a coast East, West or South. California was my top choice, but I knew I had to go where the jobs were. In addition to Cali, I was focused on warmer climates so the Southeast, particularly Florida were high on my list. I was also searching in North Texas since my Dad had just moved from south Florida to Dallas. I also kept my eye out for any openings at Auburn. I ended up having on-campus interviews at 2 schools in North Texas and one school in south Florida, plus an interview offer at a school in Savannah. I ended up choosing to work at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, Texas. Which was about 2 hours north of Dallas and 10 miles south of the Oklahoma border. I really like the school, the job, and the prospect of being 2 hours away from my Dad. I did not, however, realize what a podunk town it was and what a fish out of water I was going to be. Thankfully I did find some friends and I really needed them after only 5 months of living in North Texas when my Dad died. After about 10 days out of the office, I came back to work and Texas which some folks didn’t think I would, but I quickly realized I couldn’t stand to stay there without him.

I started looking for jobs in spring while nursing my wounds back to health with a new puppy and watching season 7 of American Idol. I applied to one job in NYC thinking that maybe I should head home. However, I soon learned of a job opening back at Auburn in the office where I interned. I actually interviewed for the job on campus on my Dad’s birthday. It was comforting to interview with people who knew why I was leaving a job after less than a year and know my recent history. Auburn was a good “layover” of sorts. I loved my job and my office, but my social life left more to be desired. After a serious relationship started to bloom and I began to feel real pressure to put down roots in Alabama I knew it was time to leave. I needed to date in a city that I could live more long term.

My next stop was George Mason University in Fairfax, VA. Mason was actually one of the schools I was seriously considering for my grad school internship. Unfortunately, this office was saddled with issues from the beginning, staff turn over, vacancies not filled, lack of direction. I also had a combative relationship with my eventual supervisor. I’m convinced there was some ageism involved, she thought I was climbing the ranks too quickly and saw me as a kid. Keep in mind she never made any attempt to try and know me. All she saw were my flaws and she refused to ever give me any of her time unless I begged for it. In retrospect trying to get her to “like me” or “respect me” or “be proud of me” led in part to my workaholism because I felt rejected and abandoned by an authority figure (only in hindsight and after a lot of therapy can I piece that all together). It was a slow burn of trauma, but traumatic nonetheless. I had spent a solid 18 months searching jobs in southern California, where my heart was set to go and the guy I was seriously dating (spoiler alert he's now my fiance)  was also very interested in a Cali move, but the jobs weren’t right. I interviewed for three jobs out there and turned down the two I was offered. At this point, I couldn’t wait for California anymore. I was so burnt out that I started seriously applying for jobs outside of higher ed.

I found myself in a few interview processes in the DC Metro corporate sphere. I kept my eye on Director level jobs in higher ed in DC, but given my specialty area they were far and few between. Imagine my surprise that while I was in the middle of a lengthy interview process with one company, my dream titled job came up in DC. The process moved quickly and I got the "dream" job. Year one on the job started off with a steep learning curve. I was trying so hard to do it all, to impress everyone, to come off confident and self-assured that I was burning the wick at both ends. And this was BEFORE 50% of my staff left. Okay in all fairness I run a two-person office, so when my one staffer left (and I 100% understand why he did, he was given a bigger shit sandwich than I was handed and he had to eat it longer). I was alone 6 months into the job as I approached my work's peak season. It was hell, I was drowning, and stupid me didn’t realize it. After years of learning how to survive nightmare situations, your reflexes kick in. I was in survival mode and I was surviving at all cost. The biggest collateral damage was on my mental health and my sleep. I had never slept 2-4 hours a night for weeks at a time and it was taking its toll.

When I hired my new staff member in the midst of this I made it a point to reintroduce myself after the storm had passed. I even quoted Fight Club saying “you met me at a very strange time in my life.” Strange = horrific, but I wasn’t ready to acknowledge had bad it was and how much of it I let happen. Ultimately like most people in recovery, I felt like everything was happening TO ME, but I now know it was happening FOR ME. I needed to hit rock bottom particularly around my workaholism and lack of boundaries. The past year has been so much better for so many reasons, including a wonderful new supervisor who for the first time in a long time I know undoubtedly has my back. I don’t know how long I’ll stay where I am or in the field in general. I'm working all these side hustles and really digging into this project to see if I can achieve my dream of living a creative and connection-filled life on my own terms.