#i like angsting li jing to be worse!

[aroacenezhaanddainsleif]

"Ah, thank you, Rihe." Guanyin nodded at her youngest acolyte as the bai ze poured her cup full of wine, the child shooting her a smile at her praise. Guanyin laughed slightly, patting their head as she turned back to the other gods at the celestial banquet.

It was a minor affair, mostly- a yearly celebration that invited the presence of gods and their students, whether offspring or apprentices. This was why one of the youngest gods, the Third Lotus Prince Nezha, and Guanyin's acolyte, Rihe, were attached at the hip, making faces at each other during the dinner. Nezha's brother and Guanyin's other student, Muzha, was also there, alongside the two's father, Li Jing. (Neither Jinzha nor Longnu could make it, robbing the general and the goddess of a child and acolyte respectively.)

Speaking of General Li Jing, Rihe had begrudgingly turned around to lift the wine pitcher for his cup. Guanyin had reminded them time and time again that a child like Rihe, no matter how valid their points may be, had no right to disrespect their elders. No matter how many times Rihe saw their friend flinch under the gaze of his father, no matter how many times the boy's bangles and torque tightened mercilessly against brown skin, and no matter how many times Rihe had watched Nezha bow in obedience when his father raised that golden pagoda above his head, threatening him-

Somewhere in the world outside Rihe's mind, the flow of wine shifted to spill over the rim of the goblet.

Splash.

And the general's mighty white and green garments became soiled with dark red wine, dripping down the fabric in spooling rivulets.

"You-!" Li Jing pounded his fist on the table, glaring down at the young tiger demon that stood stock still on the golden banquet floor. Rihe did not meet his gaze, still staring at the wine dripping down the cloth.

After a long beat, Guanyin laid a delicately manicured hand on their shoulder. "Rihe." Her gentle voice turned stern, blue fingers lightly squeezing their shoulder. "Apologize."

Apologize.

Guanyin's acolyte took a deep breath, swallowing the poison on their tongue before performing a rigid bow toward the general. "Please accept my apologies, General Li." They finally lifted their head, tail swishing behind furrowed brows. "I will not disrespect my elders with such clumsiness again." They lifted their clawed hand upwards, offering him a handful of towels grabbed from the table.

Li Jing scoffed, glowering at them as he took the offered towels. "Insolent child." He grumbled, dabbing the remnants of wine from his clothes. "There is a reason we do not often allow your kind up here." At the word 'kind', Li Jing's gaze shifted to Nezha, and Rihe visibly bristled. They may be a demon, but the legacy of them and their fellow 'demon child' was needlessly cruel.

One breath in. One breath out. Two in, two out.

Rihe sighed, keeping their gaze cast to the floor. "Of course, general." Claws scratched across the gilded floor, and only Guanyin and Nezha could catch the mumbled "I shall make up for my entire species while I'm at it."

Guanyin loudly coughed into her wine, and Nezha choked on his drink for a moment, quickly brushing it off when his brother and father cast a glance at him. Rihe privately grinned, head still bowed in respect, but only those familiar with the child could sense the curled lips beneath the sheen of long hair as Rihe pranced back to their seat beside Nezha.

'Eh?' They nudged him in the shoulder, ear twitching in anticipation.

Nezha looked down at his drink, watching the juice ripples finally settle down. He sighed, slowly putting down his glass. 'Please don't do that again.'

Rihe's ears and tail drooped, nervously tapping a claw against the table. 'Sorry, Nezha. I didn't mean to make him angry…-er, I just hate having to "respect our elders" all the time... even when your dad sucks.'

The young god played with his bangle for a moment, hesitating. 'Me too. But I don't want him to...'

A squeeze to his hand interrupted the memories of gilded pagodas that threatened to rise up, and he turned to see Rihe squeezing his hand, an extremely guilty expression on their face. 'I'm really sorry, Naza. I promise I won't do it again.' Rihe looked around the table as the officials talked, looking for something to make up for it. '...Do you want my walnuts?'

Nezha wrinkled his nose at the walnut offered to him. 'I'm not eating your walnuts, Rihe. Why'd you even get a shrimp and walnut dish if you don't like it?'

'I didn't have a choice! Master started piling everything she could see on my plate.'

'My condolences, but suffer with your walnuts.'

'Noooooo!' Rihe threw their paws up in dramatic betrayal, causing their best friend to snort.

'Oh, shut up.' Nezha rolled his eyes, flicking their forehead with a wisp of flame. Rihe giggled, finally finishing their silent theatrics before turning back to their plate.

...

"RIHE, STOP SLIPPING WALNUTS ONTO MY PLATE!”

[baeshijima]

— the weight of a sinner

to bear a sin is a result of consequence, but to bear a sin with no relation to you is an inescapable burden — a means to have a scapegoat and someone to hold accountable. unfortunately, you're one of the very few who seem to think as such.

CONTAINS : gn!reader, 3k wc, angst(y-ish), bittersweet, some lightheartedness in there... somewhere, shackling prison/pre-banishment dan heng, mentions of high-cloud quintet, relationship w/ dan feng left ambiguous (but implied dan feng x reader)

A/N : dan heng and reader face inner turmoil just as i do when facing any minor or major inconvenience. (the dan f/heng animated short was looped while i was writing this...)

Your time within the lifeless prison is limited. Lest you want to be caught red-handed by the stationed prison guards or, worse yet, Jing Yuan for trespassing, you ought to hurry. (You have an inkling he is well-aware of your routinely visits, but you choose to ignore the thought. It makes pretending to be none the wiser a little easier when you’re with him.)

Well, that much is easier said than done. 

Shooing away unnecessary thoughts, you continue your way down towards the depths of The Shackling Prison. Blending into the surrounding darkness, you wait as patrolling guards pass by, watching their receding figures with calm eyes. As always, the security towards the bottom of this dreary place is tighter. It’s understandable, really, when taking into consideration who they have held captive.

Eventually, you come to a stop. You take in the familiarity of the surroundings, of the damp smell, of the hollow drips echoing within the walls, of the eerie isolation which encroaches on you.

Several guards hover in front of the cell. A quiet sigh escapes you, though it doesn’t come as a surprise. With the fluidity it takes for you to knock out the guards in one swift movement, one would think the act to be like that of muscle memory. It’s not all that far off when considering just how many times you have done this, on top of your past merits as a Cloud Knight. Now left without any potential risks, you step out from the dreary shadows and make your way through the bars and into the chamber.

Laboured breaths; beads of sweat; a harsh crease between his brows; clothing torn and sullied. No matter how many times you see him in such a state, your heart lurches for him all the same.

With quick, light steps you draw closer. Features you are all too familiar with become clearer in spite of the dingy lighting, but your attention is more focused on the dark, murky wisp festering his soul.

“Those blasted Elders,” you mutter to yourself as you take in the young man’s haggard appearance. “Just what poison have they deceived him with this time…”

His body hangs limp against the metal restraints, ragged breaths wracking his worn body as his expression contorts into one of pain. Dark spots flicker ominously when your eyes skim his body. The burden wrought as a result of the Preceptors’ influence must weigh heavily on his mind if his soul is this contaminated to such an extent. (You dread to think of the lies they’ve been spewing to him about Dan Feng for him to be in this state of conflict.)

Your gaze stops at one particular point, its shadow more concentrated compared to the rest. “They made his soul murkier than it was just a few days ago!” And he’s sustained more bruises than before…

Immediately, your hands hover over his chest. A dim glow distorts the matted appearance of his skin, its shallow light allowing for you to get a closer look at the injuries he has sustained since your last visit. Eyes narrowed at a particularly concerning spot, you’re loath to believe the Elders have even a smidge of humanity left within them — assuming they even had any to begin with, that is.

Amidst your hushed curses towards the Vidyadhara Preceptors, a low groan resounds from in front. The once slack figure writhes against the chains, hissing at the uncomfortable friction the metal must no doubt be causing to his raw skin. You are about to move your attention to his wrists to help alleviate the pain until a flash of colour appears in your peripherals. You blink once, twice. Tilting your head up, you find yourself gazing into an unmistakably striking pair of teal eyes akin to that of the viridescent horns atop his head, the crimson which rests under his eyes and woven into a portion of his hair standing out despite the gloomy environment.

The faint clanging of metal brings you out of your daze. Oh. Right. He regained consciousness.

…Oops.

“You… What did you do?” His voice is hoarse — raspy. There is a slight edge in the gaze he regards you with, a precautionary means of defence. You can’t say you’re all that surprised. Rather, it makes you glad he remains on guard even though he has seen you a fair share of times.

Pausing the usage of your abilities, you cast your full attention onto him as you engage in this rare conversation. “I’m simply here to tend to your injuries and alleviate some of the burden weighing you down.”

(You’re not lying, per se, but you opt to omit the part wherein this selfishness within you merely wishes to save what you failed to before; an unnecessary burden you carry on behalf of someone long gone.)

“Thank you, but why go out of your way to help a sinner? You receive no benefit from this.”

A bitter smile stretches your lips at his words. A striking familiarity seeps within his tone, yet you’re no fool to mistake the man in front of you for someone who no longer walks the path of the living. You’re not like the rest of them who are stuck in the past.

“No one deserves to be shackled by past burdens. I hope that, one day, you can break free from the shadows of the past and live the way you desire. This is your life. No one has the right to dictate what you can and cannot do…” Your fists clench, eyes narrowing into a glare towards the ground. The next words leave a bitter taste in your mouth. “Not even those Elders have the right to do so.”

Silence follows your words. You take that as your cue to resume tending to him; he lets you.

Thinking back, he seems far more relaxed compared to when he was awake during your first couple of visits. He would shrink in on himself when you tried to cross a certain distance, his tail flicking anxiously in response as he regarded you with trembling yet hostile eyes. It’s a stark difference to how he is now. For one, his tail isn’t even out, having retreated when he came to realise you weren’t a threat nor were you going to harm him. He isn’t tense in your presence either, merely watching you do what you came here for with calm, slow blinks.

“Alright, all done here!” Leaning back with a huff, you bring a tentative hand to wipe away at the beads of sweat accumulating atop your forehead. There seemed to be more work than your previous cleanses, but you find the extra effort to be worth it when not even a speck of that murky contamination is left within him. Pride swells within you at your handy work. Haven’t lost my touch just yet!

Now with no reason to stay, you make a move to stand when a quiet murmur halts your movements.

“...You’re not calling me by that name.” When you give him an inquisitive look, he elaborates, “Dan Feng. You don’t call me by that name.”

That name roots you in place. Your mouth runs dry when his name is uttered in that voice, breathed out by that unnervingly similar face, senses growing dull as an all too familiar ache weighs down on your heart.

Your gaze drops momentarily before meeting with his own one — one riddled with confusion and a hunger for answers. “Because you’re not him. You are not Dan Feng, you are you.”

In spite of what all those Preceptors keep trying to hammer on about, how the Vidyadhara High Elder Dan Feng still lives and must face the consequences of his sins, how they have not diminished in power and influence, you find yourself to be one of the few who abstain from such beliefs. How could you not when you were someone privy to his private life, to his wants and hopes, his fears and worries, his dreams for a better future when all was said and done amidst your roles in history.

As such, you can hold your beliefs with confidence.

Dan Feng is gone. Dan Feng is dead. Dan Feng, despite the haunting similarities which stand before you, is not the one you’ve been looking out for within this seclusion. The incarnation in front of you is not the same man you have spent countless years by the side of, nor is he the one privy to the deepest, most intimate parts of yourself only few know of, just as you were with him.

“And…” You pause for a brief second before standing. His eyes follow your movements in caution, though you can tell your words resonate within him (the previous uncertainty which clung onto him is nowhere to be seen, for one). “I hope this is the last time we meet. For both our sakes.”

You lingering around him like some shadow will do the both of you no good, and you would be no different than all the others who hover around him for his status and power. It’s a decision you have long since come to terms with, one you knew would take place the moment you left your house to come here today.

It’s for the better, you tell yourself as you walk away. With this, perhaps you can finally allow yourself to let go of him and the past—

“Wait…!” There’s a shuffle behind you, the faint clinking of metal, a soft curse and grunt following soon after. Upon turning your head to gaze over your shoulder, you find yourself staring into glowing teal. “Every time I— ugh!” A pained gasp escapes him when he struggles too much against the restraints. Before you can reach out and alleviate his pain he merely shakes his head, signifying he has no need for your power. Not a second later, he continues. “Unlike the other blurred or vivid dreams I have of the previous life, every time I see or think of you my mind is calm. I know little-to-nothing of you, and yet, instinctively, I feel safe in your presence. Who are you?”

His words cause your eyes to widen and your stomach to drop. You weren’t expecting him to have some awareness of Dan Feng’s life and your identity, nor for his eyes to shine so brightly despite there being no light. Your teeth clench; your lips wobble. Someone must have tampered with his rebirth, or else he wouldn’t be able to recall even a single thing. You’ve heard some of the ways in which Dan Feng has been described by the Elders — how he is a criminal, a sinner, a monster, one who brought shame to the Vidyadhara name as the High Elder, and how he as his incarnation is no different.

He won’t be able to live this life as his own without being shadowed by the past. He won’t be able to escape the sins and burdens not meant to be carried by his shoulders. He will forever have the name and consequences wrought by his predecessor follow him instead of his valour and achievements, and the mere thought of it weighs heavy on your heart.

A wince involuntarily makes its way onto your features at the recollection; you don’t dare think about the cruelties they could have sneered into the young man’s ears when he was at his weakest and most susceptible to the brainwashing.

When you gather the courage to face him once more, you remember he asked you a question: “Who are you?” Looking into his eyes, there’s a hidden desperation in his gaze which causes your lips to naturally form the beginning phonemes of your name. But you stop, instead deciding it would be best to omit anything that could potentially implicate you with his previous incarnation. After all, for him to forge a path of his own, the past must remain as just that.

And so, with a light smile, you answer, “I’m just someone who doesn’t wish to see an innocent person bear the sins of their predecessor.”

He doesn’t have the chance to respond. You’re long gone from the confines of his chamber, as though you were never there to begin with, and he is left to stare into the abyssal darkness which has accompanied him throughout the entirety of his life. 

The only tell-tale sign of your presence being real is the warmth which spreads through his chest, warding off the dulled pain administered by the Preceptors.

In spite of your earlier words, the shackled Vidyadhara cannot help but to hope your paths cross once more. Whether that be within the tethers of a sinner, or perhaps in the distant future when he’s strong enough to leave his past burdens behind and start anew, he hopes he can talk to you as himself; as Dan Heng.

Maybe then you won’t have that pained look in your eyes when you gaze at him.

--

There’s a slight trickle of rain when you step foot outside into the Exalting Sanctum. It’s a stark contrast to the suffocating air of a cell, though the resulting chill which follows seems to be a worse trade-off.

You ought to have a word with whoever’s in charge of controlling the weather. Or at least get Jing Yuan to have a word with them. They certainly could have timed this better. What’s done is done, however, as chains of the past already begin to entrap you within its cold tethers.

“Forgive me,” you murmur, gaze upturned and blank as your body steadily becomes drenched in artificial rain. “Even your reincarnation will only know you as an emotionless sinner by word of those Elders.”

You must look terrible like this, soaked to the bone with nothing to cover you. You can picture him reprimanding your carelessness with that worried tone of his, laughing off his nags before he ultimately covers you with an umbrella and brings you back to his abode where a pot of hot tea and spare dry clothing awaits you.

But he’s not here to do all those things once more; nor is there anyone in the vicinity, for that matter. It is simply you, your grief, and your lonesome.

“You’re gone. Baiheng’s gone. Yingxing isn’t here. Neither is Jingliu. There’s only so much more Jing Yuan can try to carry by himself before he cracks. Or maybe he already has but remained stubborn as ever, hiding his burdens like always. And I… I’m just a coward who cannot do anything other than wish for the happier days to come back. I just want us to be happy again...” Warmth trickles down your cheeks, a stinging sensation blooming from within your senses. Abruptly, your voice quietens, barely a whisper. “Is that too much to ask?”

Had it not been for that prophecy of depravity and betrayal… would things be different now? Would everyone still be here drinking under the moonlight, telling stories of one-another (both the embarrassing and the emotional), sharing tears and laughter, sparring and honing one’s skills until muscles cried for rest and reprieve?

If you weren’t a coward back then — if you had just said or even just did something — would this all have been a mere nightmare they would tease you in good nature for?

You laugh, humourless. “Hah. What am I doing? It’s not like you can hear me if I talk to the rain. You would’ve given me an answer years ago if that were the case.”

A bitter taste lingers then, ceasing the rest of your words and instead causing you to choke up.

Inhale, exhale. Through the nose, out the mouth.

Having calmed down, your eyes stray towards the outside of the ship, taking in the bleeding hues of purple and blue distorted by the rain. Motionless, you remain in a trance for a few moments.

“...Remember that plan we talked about before?” you begin once more, voice steady unlike a few moments prior. “The one of all of us travelling planet to planet and exploring life beyond missions and the Luofu? Well, I think it’s about time one of us keeps to our word. I guess I should prepare to say goodbye to Jing Yuan soon.” A half-hearted chuckle escapes you at that. Your eyes close and drop with a sigh, a wry smile stretching the line of your lips. “Do you think he’ll resent me for leaving him as well?”

Silence is your only response, and you come to realise the rain has stopped. When you lift your gaze, the moon shines bright through the lingering mist. It’s almost reminiscent of happier days, when you were young and free, only having to worry about preventing a scuffle between Yingxing and Jing Yuan from breaking out, sometimes sharing a drink with Jingliu as Baiheng chattered away about her day. But most often were nights such as this spent together with Dan Feng, wiling away the nights stargazing and reminiscing missions and basking in one another’s quiet company.

It’s about time I move on, too.

With a swift turn you begin the trek home. For the first time in a long while, you have a goal — a hope and a dream to your name. Your mind recollects the young man’s gaze, how his eyes burned brighter than the sun itself in that one instance. Despite your prior words, a part of you hopes you meet once more when he truly discovers himself; for who he really is as opposed to the ghost which clings to his being.

For someone who can still create such an expression despite those conditions, his future is limitless.

(That night, after having packed your essentials in preparation of heading out the following day and penned a letter for Jing Yuan to read in your disappearance, you had a dream. Through your fragmented recollection, you recalled a woman with a comforting smile; a man wise beyond his years; a familiar, yet unfamiliar, young man who wields a calm aura; a cute girl with boundless energy; a stoic-looking girl with unexpected charm; a rabbit-like creature dressed akin to a conductor; and you… you were happy. Happy in a way you never thought you would be again.

It was a lovely dream.)

if you enjoyed this, then reblogs with/or comments are greatly appreciated !! <33

[zephyrusswinds]

Everyone's always like "oh Wukong getting the circlet back is gonna bring some good Shadowpeach drama" but like... How would Mk feel??? I can just imagine Wukong freaking the fuck out and Mk of all people is the only one who can calm him down, the WHOLE gang (including Macaque) just remind of the journey. ESPECIALLY TANG.

like bro... how hard is it to have some sunburst duo angst guys.... all I want to see is Mk realizing how emotionally fucked up Wukong is and him being the only person he's emotionally vulnerable with, I really wanna see how Mk and swk interacting like this because Mk feels like swk is all holy and shit, but I am in desperate need of swk being forced to show how actually broken he is, and who else can he trust BUT Mk?

mk Is one of the few ppl who actually care abt him, and in return, all of the love Wukong feels is directed towards him, which naturally has caused Mk to idolize him- even if he knows swk was never the best person. swk throughout s1-s3 has never truly been vulnerable w/ him, and in s4 Mk only scratches through the surface of the emotional trauma his mentor has. And so I feel like having Wukong freak the fuck out about the circlet is the first step in Wukong actually healing. I feel like he'll only confide in Mk how much he's scared or whatever because Mk is the only person who doesn't remind him of his past (the journey, specifically), and so the circlet has little to no association with him.

and I know some ppl would make the argument that "oh Macaque has known him emotionally or whatever" but I don't necessarily believe that means Macaque would comfort him in the same way Mk would. in the s5 trailer, it's MK putting his arm on Wukong when Li Jing put the circlet onto him, not MACAQUE. this proves that Mk cares abt him heavily (physically AND emotionally), but I don't disagree that Macaque cares, I just think that Mk is more prone to caring about him explicitally than Mac. it's obvious that he's way too early in his character arc to care for Wukong like Mk does.

and I think that that care would lead into Mk being more open w/ Wukong, and maybe after all that, Wukong would confide in him more.

i feel like at this point Mk will have to take on the task of being Wukong's emotional support system, he'll have to grapple with all the shit Wukong has been through, and I fully believe he'll wonder how tf Wukong was able to live with all that. especially now, when he's being forced to remember his past (in a more physical sense, that is, s4 was more emotional than anything)

SO when Li Jing puts the circlet back onto him, maybe Wukong will instinctually lean into the emotional comfort Mk provides him? and since he's probably the only person who's been willing to actually listen to him, maybe he'll open up to him more, now that he practically has no choice.

or he'll have a panic attack while Mk holds him in his arms and desperately tries to calm him down while the rest of the gang watches without realizing that they're making things worse, but hey, what do i know

i am a firm believer in Wukong having severe PTSD from the journey if you couldn't tell already

[lizzaneia-elizalde]

Yandere(?) Jing Yuan

MY HUSBAND ✨

A little warning though. I quit playing HSR after 2.something. I don't remember. But it's because my devices can't handle it anymore :( at least I got Jing Yuan before I deleted the game. So I am probably going to put some wrong information here. Especially the timeline. Forgive me! Also,I lied. I'm not making this fic NSFW. Have some not so good angst LMAO Of course, there's spoilers so... Spoiler alert! Notes: Highly OOC Jing Yuan. He's a lonely man fr fr. Also, an extra long fic as an apology for disappearing like that lol. Also, not even sure if this counts as yandere. But just to be safe, i'm putting it here. So, dead dove, do not eat.

Being a long time trailblazer from the Astral Express made you develop quite the wanderlust in you.

You were originally from Xianzhou. A spoiled kid of a rich family that decided to embrace the free life when the Astral Express first visited your planet.

You developed a strong friendship with Himeko and Welt, alongside treating Dan Heng and March as your little siblings/children.

When Stelle arrived in the Astral Express, it seems that your little family is complete. Sure, Stelle may be a little gremlin with a Stellaron inside, but hey. Family is family.

When the talks of going to Xianzhou appeared, you volunteered to guide Stelle and March around alongside Welt. You did miss your family, and wanted to prove that you weren't the same immature person before.

Well, you know what happened next.

The wharf being abandoned, littered with mara struck soldiers...

It seems that Xianzhou became worse for wear.

Fearing for the worst, you urged the three to follow you and defeated the Mara stricken soldiers in such precision.

Seriously. You follow Nihility since you want to be more laid back in your life. But why does life keep forcing lemons down your throat? Now, it's even your family being dragged in your bad luck!

You got dragged by the three around until you all got to the square, and immediately bade goodbye for the time being. Promising to help them as soon as they need to. For now, you need to get back to your family.

Once you got to the manor, you burst through the door and was immediately smacked to shit by your parents.

"YOU PRODIGAL CHILD! NOW YOU COME BACK HOME?! HOW DARE YOU SHOW YOUR FACE..."

A nagfest, you took in their worry filled words with a sharp edge before calming them down. You asked if any in your family have been mara stricken, but all of them shook their head thankfully enough.

Then, you noticed a man by the tea room. It seems that your parents forgot etiquette and abandoned their guest.

"AH! Forgive us, General! It's just this child... Oooh this child!"

You took a peak and was stunned.

Jing Yuan. The guy whose family is from the Realm-Keeping Commissions? And he's the general now? That's...

"You remember Yuan-yuan, right? Y/N'er?"

Oh you remember alright. How can you not? You loved this man a lot.

You squirmed under Jing Yuan's golden gaze that's filled with an unreadable emotion that you're sure had to do with your past.

And the past is what he desperately holds onto up to this day...

"General! The astral express--"

Jing Yuan's usual relaxed demeanor stiffened, his eyes going rigid. If one looks close, the chess piece he's holding onto cracked, making it glitch.

His face softener a bit as to not scare Yanqing more who stepped back a bit.

"Is that so? Thank you for the information, Yanqing. You can go rest now."

The kid nodded before walking away and leaving Jing Yuan alone.

His world, once so bleak and dry, suddenly had a drop of rain that he once missed and took advantage of, thinking it won't go away.

"Y/N..." He whispered to himself, putting down the piece and washing his face with his palm.

Other than Jing Liu and the others, you were one of the few people he's close to. Ever since you both were in the academy, you've always didn't like his quite stubborn nature. He didn't like his academic strand, wanting to be a cloud knight.

He noticed you pulling a face whenever he cuts classes, sleeps, loafs around... Sure, you were spoiled to bits, but at least you have the decency to be good in school.

So, he made it a point to annoy you greatly. Always popping around the block wherever you were, following you while talking your ear off... Doesn't help that he's a classmate, it's a daily annoyance that you gradually welcomed over time.

It's a friendship born from being together all the time. You watch him train with Jing Liu, taught him stuff he didn't understand, and in return, he would teach you how to fend for yourself since you always told him you wanted to travel the galaxy.

And that friendship developed into something more intimate. Exchanging shy giggles, flirty whispers, firsts of everything... Even without a label other than lovers, you both knew that you two are destined and tied together. Soulmates, if you will.

He's happy that you were by his side. With the quintet and you, how much more happiness does he need in his life?

But sometimes, so much happiness meant that there will be a terrible thing happening the next day.

Fortunately for you, you left Xianzhou before the Baiheng incident in the process of saving the Xianzhou Yuque. It was a timely flight that Jing Yuan supported so that you will be safe from the chaos that will unfold.

Unfortunately for Jing Yuan though, he paid the price of seeing his friends fall one by one.

Baifeng, sacrificing herself when fighting Shuhu, Dan Feng creating a draconic abomination in the process of trying to ressurect Baifeng and solving the Vidyadhara reproduction problem, Yingxing being backfired and becoming immortal stricken with mara, and JIng Liu, also struck with mara.

He watches as his beloved quintet crumble to dust in such a short time, even defeating his own beloved master in order to save so many lives and bring justice to those lost.

Jing Yuan had no one. No one to turn to, no one to confide in.

In times like those, what he yearned is you. For you to return, for you to look at him with so much grief, concern, and care.

All he wanted is your hug, your reassurance that it wasn't his fault, and it wasn't his burden to carry.

But you didn't return. Not even a peep, not even a soul.

700 long years of waiting, of bottling up his emotions that it almost spilt over.

Sure, he's happier now, but is he truly happy?

Deep inside, he kind of resented you for being so blissfully unaware of what happened to him. Of what happened to the quintet. You never even contacted him in those 700 years. Did you just forget your relationship just like that? Did you move on from him? He thought both of you were together forever?

Then slowly, he got jealous. Of you, at first. Just travelling across the galaxies without a worry in the world. How selfish of you to just run off to the farflungs of the universe just to never contact him again. Shame on you. He's a worried lover! How can he not? Then, he got jealous of the people that you must have met. How much were they charming you that you forgot about him, your soulmate?

He started visiting your family in year 300 too. Consoling them and telling that you were gonna go back home. When? Soon. Like really soon.

He found solace in your family that started treating him as their own son. Taking care of him when he visits, entertaining him with a game of chess, maybe even talk about their life.

He also heard more stories about you. About your spoiled attitude outside of school, of your rebellious years, of your wants and needs to see the outside. It's as if he's living vicariously through your parents, and relieving your memories in order to not forget you.

Then, he starts yearning for your presence once more after just trying to forget you.

It's a never ending addictive cycle that he's lost in the deep trenches in.

You were the only constant in this godforsaken world, the wine he yearns to drown himself in in order to forget his problems. But his problem is the wine, his problem is you. But the alcoholic he is, he continue to guzzle down the addictive taste until reality blurs with fantasy. In which a picture perfect world existed were nothing went wrong, and you were still there back in his arms.

Over the years, he somehow got over it. Turned to tea, thought about stuff. But your family reminded him so much of you and told so much stories of you that he became so attached to the idea of you.

He started a little hobby of writing letters to your non-existent being. Thinking you'll read them in the future. He refuses to believe that you're dead and rotting in a ditch somewhere. He knows that you're alive. He knows it.

He wrote down what he wishes to tell you, on what he wanted to do with you once you come back like a little drink, maybe even roam around and show you what Xianzhou looks like after 700 years.

Then, it devolved into his frustrations, anger, jealousy, and grief about what happened in those measly years. On why he wanted to have you so bad with him, to have the only remaining friend with him by his side. He wants to cling to you, to finally have a full on restful sleep, but also yell at you for leaving him behind.

He thought of the people that made you forget him. Of the people that took you away from him. Yes, they may, no, they ARE the reason why you weren't returning home. They must be.

He knows he's wrong. And he's working on it. A few letters down the road had him apologizing, telling he's in the wrong, and started writing about what to do once you come back.

Until those letters carried a weight that he's thinking of.

What will happen if you decided to stay in Xianzhou this time?

What will happen if something or someone made you stay?

What if, Jing Yuan forced you stay?

An absurd idea, but those letters quickly became a drawn out plan on what he'll do to make you stay by him, by his side. Eternally until the end of both of your lifespans.

And those letters were now safely kept in his hand. They will not see the light of the day.

The time he knew that the Astral Express came to their wharf, with Yanqing telling him, he immediately ran to Fu Xuan to know who are the passengers of the train that stepped out to help.

And there you are. You chose the path of Nihility. Fitting for a person like you who wished for everything, yet nothing. A spoiled kid who only wanted meaningless vices and thrills to fill the void inside. You grew up so much just as him.

What is this feeling inside? Relief? Resentment? Guilt? Love?

Woah, love? Really? Does he really still feel love for you? Or is that just a byproduct of the putrid mix of emotions inside of him?

He always knew his feelings for you never disappeared. It was supposed to be just a harmless puppy love that is forgotten over time. Like come on, it's been seven centuries.

But seeing you there, with your mother still nagging you, and your eyes locked onto him with an excited, naive look on your face made those forgotten emotions resurface.

And unfortunately, became an unfortunate ingredient in the rancid pot of emotions he bottled up over the years.

The General, known for being laid back and relaxed, can feel that image slowly crack and crumble every step you take towards him with a smile on your face.

It's so painful. How can you have that sweet smile on your face while he had to endure so much guilt and pain that he doesn't deserve to undergo?

What's worse is that your smile was lifting so much off of his shoulders to the point that he wants to drag those problems back to his shoulders and stubbornly hold onto them just to prove you a point.

He can't believe you had so much power over him. It's driving him insane how your mere presence shook the centuries worth of healing that he did for himself.

The conflicting thoughts started to whirl in his head.

He wants you to stay, but he wants you to disappear now that you're actually here.

In those mere seconds, he composed himself and gave you a soft smile. A smile that usually had a lazy quality in them now looks rigid.

"Y/N, my love. How are you? It's been seven centuries!" Calm and composed. That's what he wishes his voice sounds like.

You, sweet, oblivious you, hugged him with such a smile on your face. After all, Jing Yuan was your lover. And you hoped that he didn't hate you that much from not communicating.

"Yuan! I'm so glad I met you here again! Wow... You're a general now! How cool is that?!"

Your excited voice grated his ears to the point that he wants to cover it vehemently, but he also wants to get a hold of it and hear it over and over again. Reassuring himself that you're actually here in the flesh with him and not just a figment of his fractured reality.

With a smile, you grabbed his hand and got out of your parents' manor, wanting to apologize to Yuan by catching up.

Are you really that insensitive? Such naive thinking that by only talking things out, the problem will be resolved. Well, in your defense, you didn't know what happened with JIng Yuan and the quintet. All you knew is that they grew apart from the looks of it.

You didn't undergo the same traumatic experience that Jing Yuan did, the agonizing isolation, the years of waiting for that somebody to come home, and your mental health devolving into something more sinister, something that crosses with your logic multiple times.

But here you are, flashing your carefree smile at the dying Jing Yuan who squeezed out a chuckle.

He wishes that you burn in hell. He wishes that HE burns in hell. He wishes to burn with you, spending the last agonizing minutes with you finally in his arms again.

He grasps your hand, wrestling out an apology in his mind to you.

But he can't let you go until you knew of the agony you left him with.

And that's going to take a lifetime with you by his side, shackled and ruined.

It has been a whirlwind of emotions.

You saw Dan Heng, turn into your old friend Dan Feng. Well, his visage anyways. Were you that blind to not see the similarities? Or were you blocking the image out of your mind in order to protect your own peace?

And Yingxing, no, Blade. When did he turn into this immortal, suicidal maniac who wishes for nothing but death for himself and revenge?

And it's Dan Feng's fault? Dan Feng would never!

Your image of Dan Heng/Feng started to mix, making you dizzy and confused.

Baiheng. She died? Did she really? So did Dan Feng's ritual work or not? Did she reincarnate? Is she somewhere out there?

What happened in those years?!

And Jing Liu... Jing Yuan's master. Mara stricken and committed a massacre. That Jing Liu?

Jing Yuan even defeated her himself... Oh gods, did he just carry that burden all by himself? All those years... Centuries of pain and suffering that he didn't deserve.

The carnage, the aftermath, the result of grieving.

It's almost too much to bear for you.

And you were just out in the world, travelling and being all wishy washy, enjoying yourself with your newfound friends?

For gods sake, you were Jing Yuan's lover! Did you just forget about him just like that? Then those promises. Were those fake and surface level?!

How about your old friends? Did you even consider them? In those seven centuries, did you not even think of them?

Of course you did! But you swore that you thought that they're going to do fine!

Guilt riddled your weary body. Exhaustion catching up to you as you wept in your room.

So much to process, so much to grieve. It was almost too much if it weren't for Jing Yuan there to comfort you. Telling you that it was okay, that it wasn't your fault.

But what if's kept popping up your mind. What if you returned earlier? What if you were there for Jing Yuan? What if you didn't actually leave?

And Jing Yuan was so nice throughout the whole thing. You only talked to Dan Heng for a little while, but you need more time.

You felt so selfish for being like this. Why are you so affected when you weren't even there?

That's it. You weren't there. You weren't there for your friends, for Jing Yuan who only has you.

Seven centuries of loneliness... How did he even endure it?

You wanted to share the burden so bad, to be with him and atone for those time lost. You want to be there for him.

You are a terrible lover. A terrible friend, and a terrible person. Those phrases continued to mingle in your mind and wore you down to your barebones.

Now, even a sneeze from Jing Yuan warrants you to panic.

And Jing Yuan had a sick sense of satisfaction from seeing you wallow in sorrow.

Again, he knows it's wrong. He knows that he shouldn't be delighted in seeing you suffer.

But that side of him loves the attention he thinks he deserves. The care that he's deprived of, the love that he's blatantly robbed of.

So, he eggs that anxiety in yours on more by talking about the past and the pain he went through, his eyes narrowing in an indescribable stare as your person gets hammered down more and more.

It was eating him alive. But he assures himself that this is just temporary. Once he felt satisfied, he will start fixing you up again good as new.

And, as your parents urged you to finally marry Jing Yuan, and you nodding in desperation to make it up to him more from the centuries of neglect as his lover, Jing Yuan apologizes in his mind once more, and holds you close.

Hello love, you certainly gave everyone a scare. They're all just thrilled to see you safe and sound. As for this latest little game of yours, thank the stars it's over. Did you have fun? Did you get everything out of your system? Good, good. Everyone is so relieved. Welcome home, Y/n. -Jing Yuan

(Original, unedited quote from White Diamond in Steven Universe)

[cdramaddict]

10 + 11 questions tag

Thank you @shenmeizhuang for tagging me with your questions.  Some of the questions here were similar to another tag so forgive me for recycling:

1.    Favorite villain or antagonist.

An Qing Xu from Glory of the Tang Dynasty.  Although I blame him for indirectly causing Zhen Zhu’s early death (if he didn’t capture her, he wouldn’t have had to “kill her to save her”, inflicting internal injuries that ultimately caused her body to deteriorate prematurely) his love for Zhen Zhu was genuine, albeit a bit obsessive. The guy didn’t exactly grow up in a loving environment (his father was a total asshole who probably wasn’t capable of love) so he could be forgiven for the way he expressed his love for Zhen Zhu and when he died I almost shed a tear for the poor guy.

2.    Favorite character trope/archetype.

Hero (often royalty but not necessarily) who is supposed to accept polygamy due to societal expectations and other pressures but only has eyes and heart for his one true love. Examples from most recent watches are Tuoba Jun (Luo Jin) in Princess Weiyoung, Li Chu (Allen Ren) from Glory of the Tang Dynasty and Liu Xiu (Yuan Hong) from Singing All Along ( 秀丽江山之长歌行). Its a character trope that I never get tired of...

3.    Least favorite character trope/archetype.

The sacrificial hero/heroine/OTP aka noble idiocy character trope. While I still may watch a drama with this character trope, I do so with a lot of gnashing of teeth

4.    Least favorite drama trope.

I have 2:

a) Following on from #3 I hate the drama trope where the OTP are doomed to live without each other due to a higher ‘duty’ which means they must sacrifice their relationship for a ‘greater’ good.  E.g. Princess Jie You (解忧公主） and Nicky Wu’s version of 萧十一郎。 The rational part of me always understands the sacrifice is the “right” thing to do but the rest of me just wants them to say “to hell with everything” and just elope. I usually avoid these dramas unless I know that the OTP gets a happy ending 

B)    OTP separations for no good reason other than to create angst for the sake of angst but cause you to FFwd through all the episodes until they meet again or worse if live watching you have to endure weeks of waiting for the OTP to reunite

5.    Name a character that you initially disliked but came to love

Couldn’t really think of one.  The closest one would have to be Peter Ho’s character from the Taiwanese drama Summer’s Desire  泡沫之夏 though I can’t say I ended up ‘loving’ his character.  I did end up rooting for him to get the girl though

6.    Favorite multi-season drama?

I don’t believe I have watched any multi-season Cdramas unless you count Gory of the Tang Dynasty or 错点鸳鸯 (one of Zhao Li Ying’s first dramas as the leading lady). Flawed as they were, I enjoyed both those dramas immensely

7.    Favorite example of trope dissection/dispellation.

The 2nd lead gets the girl in Diamond Lover 克拉恋人. I didn’t actually watch the whole drama only the ending when i heard that Luo Jin’s second lead got the girl. I rarely get 2nd lead syndrome but this was one of those rare examples.

or if talking about a drama that I did watch in total, then Nicky Wu’s wu xia drama 萧十一郎. Where the heroine (Athena Zhu) does her duty and marries the man she didn’t love with good intentions of being a faithful wife to her husband (and in many dramas that’s how things play out) but in  萧十一郎 things turn out differently due to a myriad of complex plot twists my OTP get their happy ending (in a way that does not make the heroine look bad for committing adultery) I loved that drama to bits

8.    Favorite time travel drama.

Haven’t watched many of these but out of the ones I did watch – I loved – GONG (Feng Shao Feng and Yang Mi) and the Hong Kong Drama 寻秦记(with Louis Koo)

I know i’m in the minority but Bu Bu Jing xin didn’t work for me.  I never got over the way Ruo Xi started out loving the 8th Prince but was able to ‘get over’ those feelings and progress to fall in love with 4th prince.  This may have been due to the fact that I watched GONG first and loved the 8th prince pairing. Though Bu Bu Jing Xin was a qualitatively better drama, it didn’t capture my heart the way GONG did

9.    Choose a period drama, sageuk, or wuxia that you would like to time travel to.

Princess Weiyoung - so I can go back and bring Tuoba Jun some modern medicine to cure the poison in his body so he can live a long and happy life, watch his son grow up and rule the kingdom for the good of h

10.  Historical event/time period/historical figure(s) that you want to see a show explore.

'Cos I’m shallow.....no ‘cos i love my hero (a royal or King) who only has / loves one wife trope, i would love to see a drama about  翁归 from the drama 解忧公主 (Princess Jieyou). History says he loved only 刘解忧 in his life time, was devoted to her during the whole time he ruled and he was a reasonably good king. The brief moment of happiness at the end of the drama where my OTP finally got together just didn’t cut it. I was dying for MORE!

11.  Name a show with the best (most intensive yet reasonable/plausible) plot twists.

Descendants of the Sun - ie only if you find the plot twists plausible and reasonable

(I haven’t watched Nirvana in Fire so can’t put that one down but have heard raving reviews about the intensity of its plot twists....)

[cdramaddict]

10 + 11 questions tag

Thank you @renewedmotionforjudgment for tagging me. I’m relatively new to tumblr so not sure who to tag with my questions but happy to answer your questions so here it goes:

1.    Favorite heroine.

My favourite heroine of all time is Huang Rong 黄蓉 from Legend of the Condor heros 射雕英雄传。

I like my heroines to be smart and witty, a bit unconventional, someone who loves with all her heart but doesn’t lose her mind in the process and is not prone to noble idiocy or overly self-sacrificial. Love that Huang Rong 黄蓉 is all of the above and my top 2 favourite castings are tied between Athena Zhu in the 1994 Hong Kong version & Ariel Lin in the Cdrama version.

2.    Favorite drama trope.

Very similar to you – Heros (usually royals but not necessarily) who are inundated by societal expectations of polygamy but only have eyes and heart for his one true love

3.    Name a character that you initially liked but came to dislike.

独孤靖瑶 from Glory of the Tang Dynasty. She started off being a kickass soldier and descended to being an under-handed bitch. However I did think she had a minor redeeming arc by the end of the drama (I’m glad she thought that Li Chu had the right to know Zhen Zhu was dying). It would have been utter torture for him if she simply disappeared and he would never give up looking for her.....

4.    Least favorite drama trope.

I really couldn’t decide out of these so I have listed both of them:

A) Where the OTP sacrifices love for a ‘greater’ good.  While the rational side of me understands that there may be more important things in life (like family, your country, political and social consequenses, practicalities, other ppl’s lives being at stake etc) than a couple’s love life, I still think it sucks when the hero / heroine are made to sacrifice their love and happiness and have both ppl live in misery and yearning for the rest of their lives or even worse (they find happiness in the compromise – unless the compromise is supposed to be the OTP).

B)    OTP separations for no good reason other than to create angst for the sake of angst but cause you to FFwd through all the episodes until they meet again or worse if live watching you have to endure weeks of waiting for the OTP to reunite

I prefer to see my OTPs together,  facing all problems and fighting battles as a team….

5.    What dramas do you think should be 20 episodes shorter?

The one that jumps straight to mind is the General and I.  The huge OTP separation arc that went on forever was insufferable.

6.    Favorite example of trope dissection/dispellation.

The 2nd lead gets the girl in Diamond Lover 克拉恋人. I didn’t actually watch the whole drama only the ending when i heard that Luo Jin’s second lead got the girl. I rarely get 2nd lead syndrome but this was one of those rare examples.

7.    Favorite time travel drama.

Haven’t watched many of these but out of the ones I did watch – I loved – GONG (Feng Shao Feng and Yang Mi) and the Hong Kong Drama 寻秦记(with Louis Koo)

I know i’m in the minority but Bu Bu Jing xin didn’t work for me.  I never got over the way Ruo Xi started out loving the 8th Prince but was able to 'get over’ those feelings and progress to fall in love with 4th prince.  This may have been due to the fact that I watched GONG first and loved the 8th prince pairing. Though Bu Bu Jing Xin was a qualitatively better drama, it didn’t capture my heart the way GONG did

8.    What historical figure would you like to see a drama about?

'Cos i love my hero (a royal or King) who only has / loves one wife trope, i would love to see a drama about  翁归 from the drama 解忧公主 (Princess Jieyou). History says he loved only 刘解忧 in his life time, was devoted to her during the whole time he ruled and he was a reasonably good king. The brief moment of happiness at the end of the drama where my OTP finally got together just didn’t cut it. I was dying for MORE!

9.    What type of plot twist would you  like to see more?

This is probably not a plot twist (’cos can’t think of a specific one at the moment) but would like to see more OTPs that trust each other enough to the point that they can’t be separated by misunderstandings alone......

10.  What is the worst plot twist you have seen in a drama?

The Lady and the Liar 千金女贼 - when 白狼’s (Hawick Lau) devoted, trustworthy, cute and funny sidekick suddenly betrays him (‘cos apparently he was harbouring revenge motives from the very beginning???).  I was like WT*??? That totally did not work.  It was absolutely out of character.  There were no hints, allusions to or clues that he was harbouring anything but admiration and devotion to 白狼 for 95% of the drama and then suddenly BAM, he becomes the bad guy who always hated his boss for making a decision that destroyed his family when he was a kid. It was totally unbelieveable.