#i laughed so fucking hard at the chronic pain one oh my god

[natjennie]

"I did all the euthanasia for seaworld" "it's a farm where we put people with chronic pain out of their misery" okay holy fuck. funniest episode of very important people ever??

[captain039]

Conventional Alpha

Alpha!Jayce x omega!reader

Jayce version!

Warnings: AOB, light swearing, ruts, heats, older Jayce, bearded Jayce, Professor AU, age gap reader in their 20s Jayce around 30s, plus size reader, self-esteem issues, reader has chronic pain, reader is a writer, smut? Probably xD

Professor Jayce Talis, man of progress, creator of hextech along the side of his partner Viktor, and one of the top professors at the Academy, known for his skills in the forge and hextech magic and currently your alpha crush of the entire two years you’ve been at the academy. He’s everything textbook-based an alpha should be, strong, rugged, handsome, caring, passionate, protective, and you may or may not have written a few characters based on him, but…. who needs to know that? You only see him around campus, never having talked to him properly apart from a few polite greetings of acknowledgement. It’s stupid, you know to be so obsessed with a man who probably forgot you exist and would never look at an omega like you. Omega, you hate it, hate being one, you should’ve been born a beta both your parents are betas, but no, the universe screwed you over and here you stand, in the middle of a gathering against the wall invisible to everyone’s eye. You managed to outrun your parent's polite talking with other members of the council and academy, now you lean against the wall, hips and legs aching in these gods-forsaken heels with a glass of horrid champagne in your hand acting like you belong there. You figured you should be safe here for a few hours before you can go home and return to your bed. That is until a hard back runs into you and champagne goes down your front. You gasp at the sudden wetness and coldness down the front of your dress, people turn at the commotion and you want the world to swallow you up. You don’t even realise till a scent hits you that Professor Jayce Talis is the one who ran into you. You also hate that this dress is a very light cream colour.

“Oh fuck” you frown at the sudden words before you notice Professor Talis shrugging off his jacket and wrapping it around you to save your modesty.

“I’m so sorry” he says standing in front of you so nobody can see.

“It’s- fine” you manage out.

“Let’s get you out here” he says smiling sheepishly and you nod your brain not quite catching up with the situation. As you exit the party Professor Talis sighs.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even look where I was going” he says his face ridden with guilt.

“It’s fine, I was blending in with the wall, seemed it worked” you joke and see him break out into a brilliant smile before laughing.

“You were indeed blending” he says and you swear you fall in love with the sound of his laughter.

“I’m so sorry for ruining your dress” he says again his hand rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly the muscles in his arms bulging.

“It’s fine, got me out of the party anyway” You shrug a bit tightening your hold on his jacket his scent enveloping you.

“Do you stay here at the Academy?” He asks and you nod.

“Let me walk you to your room?” He offers a small smile on his face.

“It’s fine really-“You break off going to take his jacket off but he quickly keeps you covered and you flush.

“Right, uh champagne down my now see-through dress” you nod gulping a bit.

“I’ll walk you to your room” he says and you nod not daring to open your mouth as you begin walking. You curse your heels halfway through the walk and stop leaning against the wall kicking them off before bending to grab them. You feel a shoot of pain go up your spine and stifle a curse leaning against the wall before forcing yourself back up.

“Are you ok?” Professor Talis asks worried his eyebrows furrowed.

“Fine, just walking in heels isn’t fun,” you say and he nods offering a small smile before you continue walking.

“Uh, this is me,” you say once you reach your dorm room.

“Right, I’m so sorry again-“ he trails off with a frown and you tell him your name.

“Right, I’m sorry again Miss Y/n,” he says.

“I’ll go get changed and give your jacket back,” you say pulling out your key card.

“Just bring it to me tomorrow, I’ll be in my office most of the morning if you’re free,” he says as he glances down at his watch and you blink in surprise.

“Yeah, that’s fine, I’ll uh wash it for you,” you say.

“You don’t have to” he chuckles.

“It’s got champagne on it, it’s the least I can do” you offer a smile back.

“Alright, goodnight, Miss Y/n, I’m sorry again” he nods his head before walking away leaving you stunned.

You enter your dorm still in shock, you can’t help but bring the jacket to your nose and breathe in his alpha scent that’s covered on it.

“Nope, we don’t do that, that’s weird” you say to yourself shrugging his jacket off and lying it over the small couch you have in your room before going to the attached bathroom to have a shower. As you shower your mind replays the whole situation and you silently hate yourself for everything, blending in on the wall. You dry yourself and get dressed before taking his jacket and you go to your dorm's laundry.

“Do I need to wash it a special way” you mumble to yourself before shrugging and putting it in the washing machine, you put in your detergent before turning the machine on and sighing.

“There you are” you internally groan at the sound of your mother’s voice and heels clicking against the floor.

“You found me” you force a smile.

“I saw what happened with Mr Talis! Are you alright?” She fusses.

“I’m fine mum, just some spilt champagne” you shrug.

“Well, good of him to let you borrow his jacket and save some dignity you have” She smiles and nods and you resist the urge to roll your eyes. According to your mother, writing is not a proper career a ‘young omega such as yourself’ should take, no you should be preparing for being a stay-at-home wife with ten million children running around in a white picket fence.

“Right well, I must head back to the party I see you’re not going to return” She eyes your PJs.

“No Mother I’m not going to return” she nods curtly.

“Well, goodnight,” she says.

“Night mum” you mutter as she walks away the click in her heels echoing the halls. You run a hand down your face and sigh glancing at the timer on the washing machine before heading back to your dorm. You set a timer and lie down in your bed sighing in relief at the tension easing off your hips and legs. You grab a book from your bedside table and begin reading.

You must dosed off because the timer scares the hell out of you and your book flies to the ground with a thud. You groan and stand up slowly picking your book up and putting it on the bedside table before heading to the laundry again. You pray no one’s there, your current resting groggy bitch face is not a pleasing sight. You take out Professor Talis’s jacket and put it in the dryer a yawn leaving your lips before you head back to your dorm once more.

[the0retically]

Wonderlust #1: One Man’s Trash:

Thoughts below! :)

- The intro is so cool I love this

- The different camera angels??? Holy shit??

- Oh god the voice Charlie is already doing, can’t wait for this character to destroy me emotionally

- This combat is insane oh my god??

- Troy’s dad?? Who is that

- Condi just on the other side is so funny to me like hi Canada man

- Charlie is just truly spitballing and has no thoughts behind it love it

- TROY IS JUST DOWN??

- Damn poor Troy lost the big race

- One more race!

- God Troy is such a jock I love him

- “Thanks to your father” oh?? Hmmm

- He has a fountain and it has the only running water that is Very sus

- Troy has a concussion????? Also may seems sweet and Troy is just so—love him

- Love the repeated “Troy math Troy math”

- Please he’s trying so hard to be cool and prove himself

- “My dad is gonna turn you into a clock?” HUH???

- Poor bizly this npc is cool and Charlie is making him just buzz

- He’s crying :(

- May??

- He lost his sled??

- OH THE MUSIC SLAPS

- THE ART!!!!!

- THIS IS SO COOL

- The green screen change!!

- Bizly is so good at descriptions I love his style of dming

- RUNT!!!!

- Oh I love runt so much

- :((((((( the street rats :(((((( I love them

- :( a match lights the dark room I MISS RIPTIDE

- I love uncle threestrings oh my god he’s so cool

- If anything happens to him I’m going to cry

- Also…….runt…??? You’re sick, you ok?

- Runt are you my chronic pain/chronic illness Queen?

- “Use this on your knee twice a day!” UNCLE THREESTRINGS WITH KNEE PAIN !!!!!

- Also love his singing it’s so fun

- This tunnel is cool heist time

- Oof runt is getting pinched to death, girl??

- Runt took it apart!! Love her little artificer girl!

- :(((((( she sees the stars and the moon

- The music is so cool I love this

- “Nothing else you’re just gonna open the door?” BIZLY NO RUNTS CURIOUS

- Uh oh, three loud bangs

- Oh doppler was taken, yikes I don’t think anyone but runt is getting out of this

- Please it’s not even roll initiative it’s just roll to run away

- Runt :(((((

- Tell her what? ………..if they lose people they don’t go after them? Oh god

- Interestingggggggg runt isn’t telling them about the crystal

- OH THE VIBE CHANGE??? Uncle T please there was a tragedy and you’re just playing your banjo

- God runt is just a kid

- Grizz and Bizly laughing about the big circle in the sky and being confused on who put it there please that’s so funny

- PINCH????? HES BACK?

- Runt isn’t allowed back up there :(

- She was just curious :( give her another chance!! :((((( runt

- oh, she can’t even go there to say hi and show stuff, runt :(((((( my sweet girl I’m so sorry

- “Dude he gets so hyped about the cups” YAY!!!!

- Yeah at least Runt didn’t shit her pants

- Aim sees the rock? Hmmm, runt didn’t you want that to be secret

- …………does this belong to Blink?

- CONDI TIME!!!!! BLINK!!!!!!!!

- I love his design so much

- Gotta love the belts, true Condi design!!!!

- The vixens??

- “She’s looking for you” “aeon’s always looking for me” OH????

- God gram-gram just stealing the box from blink, please??

- PLEASE???? She just makes him do side quests????? That’s so funny

- BIZLYS FACE BROKE ME “if I was reasonable person I would never” “but you will :D cause you’re not reasonable are you!” Just the soft smile, it’s so funny to me

- Please granny trying so hard to make blink and aeon friends again AHHHHH AEON’S HERE

- “An iron fist huh? Actually it’s leather, gets the job done” AHHHH HELLO??

- HELLO AEON! She’s so pretty!!

- “Was it the street rats?” “Shut your fucking mouth!” PLEASE

- :((((( blink doesn’t have a house

- “What do I get out of this” “a warm feeling in your heart?” This is such a cool dynamic I love this

- Oh god she punches Blink??

- WAIT TROY!!!!!! HES HERE AND JUST WANDERING AROUND??????

- The art!!!!! Troy just chasing Blink????? Oh my god??? “Don’t play hard to get with me, I’ll fucking catch you!” WHAT?

- He just sleds after him oh my god??????

- “What is your costume made out of” TROY PLEASE????

- “There’s no need to be such a freak” TROY?????

- He thinks it’s a convention??????

- “Is that like a slur?” TROY OH MY GOD?????

- Not Troy telling Blink that they need a hole to throw their trash down???? Oh my god??? That’s crazy

- “I don’t know I’m not supposed to tell you!” Troy?? What do you mean by that?

- Troy with a concussion!!!!! He’s just like me!! “I’ll protect a worse one and that’ll undo it” I—

- Troy just thinking that Blink is in character is so funny

- “Dude hey, you look stressed” Troy please??

- “No one’s chasing you, no one’s sticking with you because they may have ulterior motives!” Troy, baby boy, you’re dumb

- Ok so Troy may have already been with the vixens?? Or it’s something else I don’t know? Or it’s just him wanting to get back up

- The imagery is so clear I love it I can see these characters and where they are

- Please they just made up random ass names for themselves

- Troy my guy be better

- “I will crush 30 of these I won’t even blink…oh sorry” TROY OH MY GOD

- Environmentalist activist blink! Let’s go!

- “I’m gonna be Frank” “WHO THE FUCK IS FRANK?” Oh my god

- PLEASE TROY IS SO FUNNY???? He’s a jock that just is so incredibly dumb

- Oop Troy with daddy issues

- I—Charlie is just so lost in Troy right now

- “You know sometimes I think about guys!” TROY????

- Troy stop talking pleaseeeee

- Oh god blink just running away with troy

- Bizly is rolling so badly this session oh my god

- “A blunt arrow comes whizzing by your head” “a blunt what? I smoke it” HUH?

- How are they even doing this??

- “You definitely don’t make it 30 feet up” “well to me it feels like that!”

- “I lost this cast iron a couple years ago” TROY?????

- A NAT 1 AND A NAT 20 OH MY GOD????

- Graphite seems cool!

- Troy peak adhd boy, love him

- “You just say things don’t you?” “….Troy”

- I miss runt

- RUNT!!! SHES WATCHING THEM

- ohhhhh blink was in the apothecary before

- She’s been tailing them!!

- THIS WAS SO COOL!!!! I LOVED IT!!! IT WAS SO GOOD

[andiv3r-gravity-falls]

List of my favourite posts under the cut.

Random

Codes!!

Magic 8 ball (i'm crying)

Bring Ford (im going to claw my skin off)

ALEX NO

Theraprism Escape

Stan and Ford are so alike it makes me sick

Dipper misunderstands a term

Ffiddleford... oauayghb

How do triangles reproduce??

Jhohhh my god......

Theme song every other beat... both of em..

How (not) to draw gruncle stan

Daddy issues

Alex i cant believe you said this

Bill >:)

ARO FORD AND MABEL <3

Fics!!!

My favourite fic i've ever read (goldilocks)

Outfits

Mabel!

Adult mabel & dipper

Stans!!

AUs / Headcanons

Ford Joined Bill During Weirdmageddon

Android Bill

Chronic Pain Ford

Fidds "Saves" Ford (op i am in yuor walls)

Needed to save this one

Trans Fiddleford & Stanford

Oh god..dipper....

Im abour to cry so hard i puke

THE MAGNUD ARCHIVEF

You do,t.understand,i'm sobbing(stargazing)

Alone Together

Billford Saves

Cover Ford In Blood Yippeeeeeeee

Dont bite him u freakk

Ford Measuring Bill

They're both monsterfuckers

This one

I laughed so fucking hard i love this

Isosceles triangles don't have right angles

Hoh my god LICKING HIM???ghfg

STOP LICKING HIM FJDJFHFFG

Starman

U think u can jst break up with me. Stupid

Hohhgh my fucking god

Yeah

Corrections

You'll Be Back Animatic (holy FUCCKKKK)

Ohhb the cutiesss

Yesss measure that triangle

Play bongos on his ass. Sure whatever man.

Ford² Saves

Iouh my GOD fuck

Oaauygh good Ford² content

MORE good ford²content

Ford is fucking dense

Gut-wrenching. I am going to cry.

Stancest Saves

A Little Heart To Heart

[pebiejeebies]

Soo I wanna talk about my (possibly) chronic illness, because I’m so tired of this.

My reason to self diagnose: I have to self diagnose, my dad doesn’t believe in “disorders and disabilities (specifically ones like chronic illness, he normalized it in such a horrific way, it made me feel like I was an odd one out when I realized how healthy everyone else is)” *please don’t hate him, we don’t have money for much things anyways, it’s fine*

If you hate self diagnosis, just leave and spare both of us,

For now I wanna talk about what makes me feel like I have chronic illness, and that is literally being sick, I’ll be generally talking about everything painful/tiring that has been affecting me for over a year now..

TW: Mentions self harm/hate, gore, of gag/spit/vomit, dizziness, unease, etc. if you are sensitive to this topic please read at your own risk,,

Let’s start, so lately ive been accidentally swallowing mucus, all day, all night, to the point I have to breathe from my mouth, which COMPLETELY destroys my smell and taste. Especially when I get the common cold..

Barely any mucus comes from my nose, it’s almost ALWAYS my throat and saliva, to the point I started to think my saliva and mucus have been completely combined now. Like.. literally.

my breath always stinks, minty tastes really sucks and I hate toothpaste, I hate the mint and the texture, I’ve tried some things like these little bottles of meds for the cold, but they NEVER worked.

I almost always have a headache, my heartbeat has went from my normal 60/70bpm to 90/120 min/max.. and I always get voice changes, sometimes too deep, sometimes too high, and sometimes I lose my voice.

AND YOU KNOW WHATS FUNNY?! I LOVE SINGING. ITS LITERALLY MY SPECIALTY, MY ONLY TALENT THAT I CAN DO WITHOUT ABANDONING IT LIKE THE REST OF MY FAILED TALENTS, AND IT FUCKING SUCKS SO MUCH WHEN MY VOICE CHANGES.

I’m sorry.

back to my point, when I cry, I feel like my mucus explodes from everywhere, my throat, nose, eyes, and when I blow my nose too hard it hurts my ears for a while.

I’m so tired, I can barely run, I don’t wanna say I have asthma, but maybe I’m just not energetic and lazy.. or something.. and I CANT. I repeat.. I CANT. SLEEP.

It’s almost physically impossible (unless I stay up for too long to the point I slowly faint to sleep, which has been normal now for me)

did I mention my constipation? (Maybe this isn’t related, I’m just curious what makes someone chronically ill, especially since I’ve had constipation for around a year now)

I can’t sleep, smell, sing, cry (I hate crying so much, it’s become so terrifying and horrible) laugh, (cause all the mucus chokes me and makes me gag and almost vomit.

oh how I wish I could just rip out my throat and replace my nose and throat for a working one. How I wish I could breathe normally, to smell, to sing properly, to walk properly without my legs hurting or straining, to laugh and cry without choking and gagging, spitting mucus in the bathroom for what seems like 30 minutes, to think properly without a headache, to feel NORMAL again. It’s been a year or two now. Cant I just feel like a normal person again?

God why do I turn everything into a fucking vent.

Edit: does this mean I am chronically ill?

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

bored. thoughts on literally all the dna stuff

jackie- "i can fix her"

hyunwoo-i kinda get weirded out by the power dynamic in the sheer idea but tbh. it's nice i think. i just want this boy to be a little happier, man

jenny-i am DYINGGG SHE BOUGHT A BAIENGIACA

xiukai:i cant believe that, to sissela, hed be the grandma who makes you feel like you need a second stomach once you visit. funny. he's 34 with the vibe of a 70 year old

aya-what are her thoughts on fentanyl. i wonder. btw it's always funny when someone goes "NO drugs. but alcohol is great". like mate thats just drug lite

alex-now i'm curious what his disease is even supposed to be, i don't recall anything about that. if it's just some sort of chronic fatigue thing then i'd easily say fuck it and headcanon POTS just because but. i'd like to know

leon: "don't bring gifts for me >:( i'm not a kid >:(" the repression is strong on this man

chiara:i think itd be funny to have an alliance where it's zahir, chiara and aya. impossible to understand a damn word. also "i can fix her" part 2

shoichi:you know how it's canon that chidi anagonye is buff because whenever he felt stressed he just did pushups

sissela:she likes strawberry. noted. also ngl i do find the thomas sissela dynamic sick now that i think about it. for a solid second i felt so mentally ill remembering that he brought her to the experiment because he wanted her to get actually cured and not be in pain

rio-i feel VINDICATED. every time. i want to put that "rio to yuki" voiceline on my forehead. they don't get along on such a fundamental level. they have not had a single good interaction. that's why i feel feral when i see anyone ship them, she hates himmmm. also the delivery is bad but in a way that's good because it fits her, she sounds robotic but it feels like it's just how she be OHSFKSDF SHE DOESNT EVEN LIKE DOGS!!! SHE ACTUALLY FUCKING HATES HIM IM LAUGHING

echion-"i see the hesitation in your fists" about hyunwoo is making me mentally ill. also "don't be pretentious" to magnus IS SO FUNNY. he really went "stfu i'm gonna hit you". the things i dislike is also extremely funny. this sign can't stop him because he can't read, guys. though, he sounds like hunter toh to me in a way that makes me like him by association now. past me is crying but current me thinks this mans is funny as hell

tia-im crying. "what's wrong with my hair (┬┬﹏┬┬)". danny boy roasted her so hard. that "can i draw you ◕_◕ " to jenny though. i see you

daniel-even daniel cant believe it when she says she's a doctor. the doubt in this man's voice. also it's so funny how he reads people for their appearance (like "your hair is a mess) and then with yuki he just roasts him for his personality. does he think that bowl cut ass hairstyle is okay enough to focus on something else

eva-"nah i don't feel like getting a haircut quite yet" as he definitely fucking SEETHES

bianca-"oh my god a fellow weirdo!!!". four person alliance between aya chiara zahir and bianca actually. impossible to parse a single word. and it's funny that she goes gentle on sissela (i assume she's too skinny, so) and with echion she plain goes "you have literally no body fat"

johann-YO????? i am mentally ill about that one for sure. johann is so about trying to be the sort of christian who doesn't suck absolute ass and the interaction that has with the extremely complicated relationship isol and rozzi have with church and religion is so interesting to me rn

laura-how did they get away with this "things i dislike" line. also the bizarre thought process i had with aya and laura is so vindicated. police officers are her favorite

aiden-he did not just "we're not so different you and i" her. his luke is funny as hell though. "you get paid to clean? 🤨" do i need to explain society to you???? he sounds legit confused. hKFJNSDKFJ THEY JUST SHOVED ALL THE FUNNY MEME LINES ON HIM HUH. IT'S NOT LIKE I LIKE YOU OR ANYTHING BAKA

elena-she and rosalio allying would be nonstop complaining. they'd either hate each other or be like soulmates. "i hate the heat but i hate the cold" "me too" and then a look of understanding

felix-he did not hit elena with the "you'd be prettier if you smiled". i like him but. girl freeze him. also confirmation that magnus does not use steroids. weird-ass way to ask though. what if he met a trans person mid transition? would he hit them with that exact line as the poor fucker is like "yeah???"

[starcrossed-sky]

(previous anon) thank you for the detailed answer. my knees have no cushion either! and yeah, my body does not move the way i want it to in a few ways. standing still for more than a minute or so quickly gets very painful, and the only way to mitigate it temporarily is to walk slowly or shift my weight from one foot to the other if sitting isn't an option. i have to sit when i bathe/do dishes/laundry. i've mentioned this to doctors in the past, but they just tell me to exercise more, which unfortunately is not ideal because exertion makes my base level of fatigue worse to the point where i can't keep up with my day job. i'll put a pin on seeing a physical therapist some time, though; i have been planning to look into my mobility issues for a while.

about dieting- i've always been fat, since i was a child, and i felt completely neutral about my own body. when i was a small child, it was seen as cute and a sign that my parents fed me well, but by the time i was in high school, PE class involved everyone getting their BMI measured and i was classified as obese (32 or so). ever since then, my mother has been obsessed with my weight and mentioning how worried she is for my health and how i should definitely be on a diet because i was "ballooning" (said with terror and pleading).

but i was kinda never sold on it? i have relatives who're huge into dieting and would post their gym and progress photos on facebook, but some months later i'd see them at reunions and they had already gained it all back. i even had a distant aunt whose heart gave out because she gained and lost so much weight many times throughout her life. when it came to weight loss, my stance has always been: what's the point of all that effort and expensive products/services if it's so easy to gain it back anyway? i just want my weight to be stable, not to keep going down. unfortunately, i live in southeast asia, where being fat is seen as "you're gonna have a heart attack any minute if you don't drop everything and lose weight right fucking now!!!"

if anything, the only thing that annoys me about my weight and general size/shape is that it's hard to shop for clothes and shoes in my size lol. specialized plus size stores are always more expensive, economies of scale, etc. i always gotta rely on hunting for foreign overruns or secondhand stuff since everyone's so small in my country :p

Oh god, I can't imagine trying to shop for clothes at our size (I think my BMI is also in the lower half of the 30s... not that I pay attention bc that's not what BMI was designed for) in an Asian country. It's hard enough in the US and over here, Asian sizes are notorious for "plan on buying at least one size up from your US size, probably two." I hav e enough of an interest in Asian fashion that I go looking occasionally and immediately have to laugh in pain at "size: XL waist: 112cm" type size charts. (my waist for reference is 50in/127cm)

You should definitely see a physical therapist if you can find a decent one (I have no advice for this, on account of there being an ocean between us, and also I myself have never actually used one). I only had immediate pain from standing during the worst of my Bad Hip period, but I have permanent back problems and can't stand for long periods without an assistive device (which in my case means... a heavy backpack as a counterweight. Lmao.)

Also, as far as fatigue goes, if your body is running estrogen as your primary hormone, get checked for anemia! I had horrific anemia before getting on T, and it was a definite factor in my chronic fatigue.

And, well, yeah, none of what you described with your relatives is surprising to me, as someone who has followed actual weight health science all my life as a survival need. Humans tend to vary by 5 or so pounds in either direction depending on various factors, but any weight loss of more than 10-15 lbs (please don't ask me to convert to kilos I don't have that one memorized) is like... it's medically concerning... unless the person is dieting! then it's fine!

Yeah, bullshit.

Good luck out there anon.

[zalerazz]

(knows very little about enstars) top 5 enstars?

oh fuck yes here we go, not necessarily in any order

1. Mika Kagehira

He's a silly little guy. A pathetic sopping wet beast. A kitten left out in a cardboard box in the rain. He's so strange and bizzare. He once almost buried his roommate alive. He goes "Ngaah". He rescues thrown away plushies and fixes them. He carries around a picture of Shu everywhere?? He's a little weirdo with a huge heart I wanna ruffle his hair

2. Shu Itsuki

He's just as weird and strange as Mika but on the opposite end of the spectrum. He laughs like "Kakakaka!" what's up with that. He used to be a really shitty person but he's been through a lot and grown and changed and I'm proud of him!!! He's still a bit of an ass but he cares a lot and that's just who he is.

3. Arashi Narukami

God I love Arashi... Arguably one of the more normal characters in enstars tbh. She's such a sweethearttt and she would do anything for her friends but has a hard time asking for help... relatable tbh. Her voice is one of my favorites in the whole game bc holy moly it's so fucking beautiful???

4. Ritsu Sakuma

I don't say this often about characters, but he's literally me. He has delayed phase sleep disorder (basically nocturnal),gets weak in the sun, and has a chronic pain condition. Literally did the writers base him on me?? He's clingy and likes attention, much like a cat. His friends compare him to a shadow; he's always around, but can be pretty quiet. He also gets jealous and has abandonment issues. It's like looking into a mirror I swear

5. Sora Harukawa

Sora is very often misunderstood by the fandom at large which is very sad bc he is so special to me!! He's very extroverted and talks in the third person, and some people kinda dumb down his character which is very not him. Despite his young age, he's extremely emotionally intelligent. He used to mask a lot before joining Switch, but he feels like he can truly be himself now with the support of his friends. He gets along with everybody and treats everyone the same regardless of how strange they may be. My one gripe with him is that his synesthesia is really unrealistic; synesthesia doesn't exactly let you see people's emotions or see if people are lying. But regardless, I love him.

ty sm for the ask bagel ♡

[jazz-miester]

Breathe y/n. Breathe.

Pairing: Optimus Prime x reader (platonic)

Reader type: Female Human

Song: Wrecked- Imagine Dragons

Warnings: Mentions of throwing up. Swearing.

An: So I've had a fucked up last couple of days so I'm venting here. From anxiety attacks, migraines, and life my dudes.

(Ending a bit meh. But ya.)

Migraines. The bane of your fucking existence.

You've had the pain for the past week. Clustered just behind your right eye. You were lethargic. Drained. And God did you want to die.

You could barely hold down food without feeling sick. You felt disconnected from your body. Like you were playing a first person shooter and we're just watching yourself go on with life.

Barley could you focus.

The first one to notice was Ratchet. Who, despite him saying otherwise, actually cared about you and the kids.

He had cornered you. Asking what was wrong and why you were taking an excessive amount of medication. Why you seemed to be drawn back from everything.

Which led you to explain you condition to him.

"I have chronic migraines. It effects everything I do. And, despite being consistent in medications, and actually eating and drinking water. My body decided to say fuck you your gonna hurt for a week." You were surprised to learn afterwards that he read up on your condition and the different types of migraines and headaches that occur in you day to say life.

Neither of you counted on the added stress you would soon have.

More work upon work piled up on your plate. Along with the expectation from June on you to be sure to watch the kids in her absence.

And Miko being Miko wanted to go out and play with the big robots.

It went from being a simple scouting around an abandoned energon mine to you and her quiet literally running for your life's.

The running had not helped. Your body shook with excess adrenaline. Your vision blurred and auras spotted what little you could see. Your hands tingled and your chest swelled.

Miko was safe.

You were not.

Bulkhead had managed to get her when you tossed her back up the hole the two you fell down from. He couldn't reach you and you couldn't reach the hole.

Then fucking Starscream. Always with the goddamn seeker.

He had chased you for god knows how long. Your stress piling up until it over flowed like an unwatched pot.

So here you were. In a hole in the wall with your entire body in hyperdrive.

You could no longer feel your arms from the elbows down. Your legs no longer worked and we're numb beyond belief. Half of your body was unresponsive and it felt like someone was doing the conga in your chest.

Your shoulders heaved as you tried to breath normally. Breath stuttering and stopping unable to fill your lungs like you should.

Your body shook as you layed against the rock wall. Trying as hard as you could to curl yourself up and try to hold yourself together.

"Oh human!" Starscream sung the words. His clawed fingers scraping along the rock walk. High pitched and by god did that sound hurt like a bitch. "Oh I bet lord Megatron would quite like you."

Your lips were numb and tingling at the same time. Barely were you able to wrap words around them.

"Go. Go fuck." You swallow thickly. "Get fucked!" Your voice was distant. As if you had yelled it across the room instead of right where you were Starscream laughed.

"Oh I intend- Omph!" Whatever the was going to say next quickly got cut off with a loud crash. His body falling to the ground with a resounding clang. From the crack in the wall you watch as he scrambled backwards. Scooting on his ass before turning over and taking off in a dead sprint. His engines kicking on out if sight as he roared back down the tunnel.

"Y/n?" Optimus's voice rumbled. His head and chest blocked the outside view from you little hole in the wall. His battle mask pulls back and concern is etch on every inch of his face. "Y/n. Are you alright?"

Nothing is heard but your desperate breathing an sniffles. God you look a fucking mess. Most of all though. You're embarrassed. No one has seen you like this but your mom when you were younger.

"N. No. I." Fuck. "M'fine. M'fine." Optimus opens his hand up at the opening.

"Are you able to come out." You heaved in another stuttering breath. Using your arms you pull yourself forward. Legs kicking uselessly as you try to move them. The moment you get out side Optimus is pulling you into his hand.

The sudden movement of him standing back up was enough to give you vertigo. Your stomach turned and yelled. Your mouth went dry and you rolled over onto your side. Dangling of the edge of Optimus's hand as you promptly hurled lunch to the dirty floor.

Your face warmed and tears pooled an fell.

God. This is not how this was supposed to fucking go.

"Y/n? Can you hear me?" Optimus rumbled above you. His voice had a strange tone to it. So unlike his normal calm and steady.

All you could do was give a thumbs up.

"What is wrong? Your malfunctioning." He walks quickly is some direction and quit frankly, you're to goddamn tired to care. Still your breathing sutters.

He stops. And sets you atop a ledge. Your legs dangle over the edge. Optimus holds a hand out and your grip one of his fingers as tight as you could with your shaking hands. Body going on hyperdrive as you try not to let the panic overtake you.

"Y/n." His finger carefully brings your head upwards to look at him."I need you to copy me, Little one. Can you do that?" You nod your head. Blinking back tears. You could hear his vents breath in a short ways then release. You realize he's trying to get you to copy him. Taking in far less air that his frame should to help you steady your own breathing.

And it works after a while. No longer is your breathing harsh outside a few hiccuping breathes. Your body calms ad he runs a finger down your back, along your jaw, and brushing back loose strands of hair that had fallen loose from where it was held back.

"Better?" He doesn't pull back. You nod your head.

"Be. Better. I'm. I'm." Fuck."I'm ok." He arches a brow and frowns.

"Your speech is still off. Are you malfunctioning? Are you hurt?" His voice is calm. His finger goes back to trailing up and down your back in a soothing gesture.

"No. N.n Not hurt." You breath deeply. The tingling slowly leaving. You lips and tongue still felt numb. "Migraine." You look up at him.

"Hem. Hemi. Hemi ple gic. Mi. Graine." You sound the words out like a kid first learning to read. You watch as Optimus's optics focus. No doubt searching the internet for what it was. He frowns.

"Do you need help?" You shake your head.

"Just. Want out." He smiles softly at that.

"That is easily done." And he wasn't wrong. You were far closer to the opening of the energon mine than you initially thought.

The sun warms your cool skin from where you sit. Curled up against Optimus's chest. Ear pressed just above his spark chamber. The humming sound soothing to your tired self.

"You do not need to do these things alone, Y/n." Confusion flows through you.

"Mmm. What?" Optimus curls his hand around you protectively.

"Battle through the pain yourself. Miko has Bulkhead as a guardian. Despite June's wishes, you do not need to come. You are barely done being a child yourself." You look up at him. He's staring out into the distance.

"Ratchet has told me if your pains and the stress put upon you from work and watching the kids upon June's request. Do not be afraid to reach out before you reach this point again. As your guardian, it. It pains me to see you like this." His looks down at you. Face soft and forlorn. "I care. As do the others. Rest. If you need to. We will reach Base shortly."

It didn't take long to fall into sleep. Even with your still jittering body. Soothed by the sound of Optimus's spark, the warmth he radiated and that from the sun. Gently rocking as he walked.

You come to the sound of June's, Ratchet's, and Optimus's voices. You were drapes over the couch. A blanket laid across your waist. You feel a finger brush your hair back. In your half awake state you catch sight of Optimus just as his hand pulls make.

"Y/n will no longer watch the kids until it is deemed necessary. Miss. Darby."

"She is the only one here to keep an eye on them twenty four seven Optimus! You and the others are busy."

"And still capable to watch over their charges June." Ratchet barks out. "The added stress to her systems caused a malfunction. It as you humans call it, a trigger to her condition. Optimus said she was barely capable of moving. Let alone talking. And she saved Miko when she was intense pain herself...." His voice faded out as you fell back asleep. Lulled by the presence of your guardian standing, protecting you from the world.

"Rest now. I will be here when you wake."

In the plus side, you got more time to relax and care for yourself.

On the downside you had multiple Bot's constant scanning you to ensure you wouldn't have another malfunction. But hey, at least you had a very early warning system now.

[sunflowerryvol6]

Sweet Summer

No warnings, just pure fluff.

WC: 3.6k

Long time no see! I hope you like this! I'll try and link the songs on this page, but no promises. Leave any suggestions for stories you'd like to see! Also, do comment, and tell me what you like about these two! As always, feedback is always welcome.

Check out my masterlist

You could listen to the songs here. I listened to this while writing this.

'I know how the summer goes' softly played in the background; she was sticky with sweat. She was sprawled on the floor of their bedroom. He sat on the bed above her. She was working on an essay on summer love for her column, the deadline was fast approaching. She looked to her left, and their room overlooked the ocean. The window opened to the bedroom patio, where they would often sit and work during the summer. Today he was oiling her hair while she worked hard on her piece. He'd just wrapped up, so he offered to help ease out some stress. She laid her head on the side on his knee and looked out to the sun shining down on the beach.

Ellie could almost touch the memory of when she first realised she was in love with Harry.

4 years earlier...

They'd been dating for a few weeks now. Harry planned the first date, so she arranged the second one. She'd quickly realised that Harry loved his walks. Working as a software developer left him with little to no time to move around. So he takes any opportunity to exercise or move his body. Ellie was a freelance journalist who's spent the better part of the last two years working from home. The idea of walking around or being on her feet was too taxing because of her chronic pain. But she liked harry, didn't she. So that's what she kept telling herself. When her hips hurt a little too much, or when she pulled her back from walking around too long. It'd all be worth it in the end. It had to be.

On this particular evening, they'd decided to meet up for a gig. Harry had found this artist that was playing in a bar downtown, so they'd meet there. She walked up to him and kissed him on the lips. "Hello to you too" He smiled.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I just missed you." She smiled wide. "I missed you too." He linked their arms and walked into the bar. He asked her to go ahead, and he'd join her with drinks. She walked on and waited for the band to start playing. He found his way back to her soon enough, with their favourite beverages.

Once the gig was over, they walked out of the bar and discussed where they should go to get dinner. "So, there's this brilliant taco place just down the road. We can walk there. What'd you say?" He smiled at her.

"Oh sure, let's." Ellie knew this wasn't the best decision. She'd be in a whole lot of pain by the end of the evening. She had work tomorrow, a deadline she couldn't miss. But It had to be worth it, right?

"What'd do you want to listen to today?" She suggested. She dug into her bag to find the earphone connector and offered it to him. They'd do this a lot, listen to music together, a new genre every date, sometimes their favourite albums. The last time they were listening to Harry's 70's indie playlist. You can tell a lot about a person by the music they heard. This was quite the ice breaker during their first few dates, so they decided to make it a thing. Now they would sometimes pick certain words or phrases and listen to what came up.

"Guilty pleasures?" He asked. "I can tell you, but I'm afraid it won't make for a great romantic walk down a dark road" She smiled. "I can take it." He laughed.

So she did. They blasted an old rock playlist, with mostly Cream. "You really love Cream, huh?" He said after a bit. "More than Neutral Milk Hotel," She told straightfaced. He blinked at her for a sec and burst out laughing. "That was a terrible one. Worse than my puns, God!" He laughed.

"These tacos better be mind fucking blowing, Styles," She says. Her hips were starting to ache a little. "Yes, Ma'am. I wouldn't dare disappoint you." He smiled. Their conversation went on about things here and there. Soon they reached the taco truck, right by the side of the road. The place was packed with people. Patrons had resorted to sitting on the pavement because of the wait.

"Okay, their birria tacos are the best, but we can get something else if you'd like?" Harry asked her. "Oh, that actually sounds absolutely perfect. Do you mind if I go get us a spot while you go get the food?" Ellie asked. "Sure, you do that." He said and leaned to kiss her cheek and made his way to the truck.

Ellie walked towards the pavement and slowly sat down. The moment her bum hit the pavement softly, she knew she was in a world of pain. Only more was waiting for her the longer this night went. She quickly dug into her purse to get out her cigarettes and lit one. It set in some ease, but it wasn't enough. She needed to get home, but what'd she tell Harry? Her experience telling people about her chronic pain has always ended up in them pitying her or not entirely believing her. Now, don't be fooled. She's in pain, but she didn't want no one's pity. She just wanted someone to recognise the pain and help her find a goddamn solution to it. In contemplating her exit strategy, she didn't realise she started tearing up. She quickly stubbed her cigarette and switched on some music to distract her. She waited patiently till Harry arrived with the food.

Harry walked over to Ellie with their food in his hand. Only to find her doubled over with her head on her knees. He rushed to her, placed their food on the pavement, and nudged her shoulder. "Ellie, are you okay?" He asked her gently. Ellie looked up, and she looked like she was in a lot of pain. "Hey! What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He seemed very concerned now. "I'm in a lot of pain right now, and it flares up when I'm on my feet for too long. I'd been out all day before we met, and I wasn't expecting us to walk around so much." She all but cried. "Oh, you poor thing. I'll call a cab right now, and I'll take you home, okay?" Harry said, his hand gently rubbed her arm. She sniffled in response.

The cab arrived soon enough. Harry helped her into the car and got in after her. "Would you like to try and sleep till we get there? I can keep an eye on the map." He offered. "Thank you." She said before leaning her head against the window and closed her eyes.

"Ellie, darling. We're here." His voice broke her out of the soft slumber she'd fallen into. She opened her eyes and looked out, and sure enough, they were outside her apartment building. She got out of the cab and started walking towards her door, expecting him to follow her. Still, she turns around to check, and he's about to call out to her. "Are you not going to come upstairs?" She questioned. "I need to make one more stop. I'll be up in 10." He shrugged. "Okay, don't be too long." She says and continues walking.

Harry takes the cab to the nearest store and buys a pack of Epsom salt. His sister would always soak her feet in Epsom salt and hot water after ballet lessons. So he knew this would bring Ellie some relief.

Whenever they'd had a sleepover, they always end up at Harry's place, so he'd never really been here to her home. Her door was a dark pink, kind of Fuschia. He turned the knob, and it was open, so he walked in. The place was filled with little trinkets and plants and other knick-knacks all over the place. The centre of attention had to be her bright yellow couch. All her furniture was pointed at this showcase filled with other ceramic figurines. It was very colourful. If you look at Ellie, you wouldn't expect her to live here. Her style is muted and minimalistic, apart from her hair. That was always a bright colour. This time it was bright pink, very close to the colour of her door. He wondered if she changed the colour of her door as often as she changed her hair. But otherwise, she wore blacks mainly with an occasional cream and some other muted colours. So why the eccentricity in her décor, he wondered. He didn't ask her, though.

"So I think a hot bath would really help you, I got some Epsom salt, and you know, we could try it?" He asked her hesitantly. "A long bath can help ease your pain," he said. "Yeah, I'd like that," she said. "You wait here; I'll set it up." He ventured into her flat. She took off her jacket, walked into her kitchen and took out a joint. Holding the joint in between her fingers, she looked for the lighter and slowly lit it. Walked back to the couch, took off her pants and sweater she was wearing and laid back on the sofa and took a long drag. She knew now she could relax, and the pain would slowly ease up.

Meanwhile, in her bathroom, Harry was running a bath for her. He sat on the edge of the tub with his hand underwater to check the water temperature. Once it was hot enough, Harry walked back to the living room. He walked in on her, smoking the joint, for the first time that evening, he saw her so relaxed and quiet. He didn't want to disturb her. But she opened her eyes, "Hey you" she smiled. He reached for her. "The bath is ready. Come on," He said. She took his hand and got up. She stood on her tippy toes and kissed him, and he kissed her back, slowly supporting his palm on her lower back. He deepened the kiss, she put her arms around his neck. He smiled into the kiss and pulled away.

"I really like you, you know?" He held her in place with his arm around him and looked at her. His gaze bore into her. "I'm here for you, so you have to tell me how I can help you," He said. That's when Ellie looked away. She started walking towards the bathroom and looked over her shoulder. "Come sit with me?" She asked. "Of course." He said. "Can you bring me the ice pack from the freezer, please?" She called out. He turned around and walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge to get the ice pack. He checked the time on his phone and walked back into her bathroom.

Ellie was already in the bathtub, and there was music playing softly while she smoked. He sat on the toilet and passed her the ice pack. "Here you go," He said. In return, she handed him the joint. He gave her a small smile and took it from her. He took a long drag and leaned back on the seat to stretch his legs a bit. She had these tiny pots of creepers wound up on different pipes all over her bathroom. She held the icepack to her face and felt so much relief.

"Elle, are you feeling any better?" He asked her. She nodded. Did the day go just like you wanted? played softly as she hummed along to it. "I know you want me to tell you what's going on, but I'm afraid you'll think I'm crazy," She said, not looking at him. "Darling, try me. I'm here to listen," He offered. He was still nursing the joint, looking like some kind of greek god. Just casually sitting on her toilet and observing her so carefully, she felt safe. Ellie's pain had calmed down a bit. The hot bath was helping quite a bit.

"Okay, so here goes, I took a fall about three years ago, and it kind of fucked my knee up. So I couldn't exercise much, and I wasn't moving around much. After a few months, I tried to do a simple workout, just to get back into the routine, but I was in an excruciating amount of pain." She looked up at him and saw that he'd moved to sit on the floor closer to her. When she looked up, he reached for her hand with a smile and held it. His rings felt cold on her hands as he slowly pressed the points on her fingers. It felt perfect. So she focused on that and continued. "After that, I went to a doctor to figure why it happened, but they couldn't understand because there weren't markers on the tests they did. Over the years, I went to all kinds of practitioners to help me find a solution to this pain, if not an answer to what it is. But they just kept saying it's in my head and not really give me an answer. I went to a psychiatrist, and they tried medication for depression. It only made me very drowsy and inefficient at work. But other than that, I don't really know what it is. I'm just hurting all the time." She sighed.

"Ellie, that is not okay. You shouldn't be in this amount of pain. I'm so glad you told me about it." He said. Harry reached for a stray strand on her face and pushed it back, and ran his thumb along her cheek. "Over time, I have stopped talking to people about this, 'cause it's not going change anything, and they just end up pitying me. So I did the next best thing, I bought this flat and made my home chronic pain friendly. I work from home, so I don't exert myself and have done that for over 2 years now. It's awfully lonely, though."

"I can't imagine how that must feel. For the record, I don't pity you. I just wish you'd told me before, then I wouldn't make our dates so hard on you. But wait. Did I cause you a lot of pain when we had sex?" He worried his lip and looked at her. "Oh no! You didn't at all. I just didn't want you to think I'm somehow weak and can't take care of myself. Today was a lot, and I'd been out for a couple of meetings for some upcoming projects, and it just all ended up weighing me down." She was tearing up now. "Darling, please don't cry. I don't think you can't take care of yourself. I think it was incredibly responsible of you to tell me when you reached your limit. I'm happy to accommodate whatever you need." He said to her. She could tell he was earnest. "Thank you, Harry. It feels good to be able to tell someone and have them believe me." She said to him.

They had been listening to Sea Change by Beck while they smoked together. He sat on the floor of her bathroom, with his legs stretched out and his hand in the water, holding one of her ankles. Just as a reassurance that he wasn't leaving. They talked mindlessly. He asked her about her ceramic figurines, and she told him that her grandma used to collect them, then her mom, and now she does. She brought them with her when she moved to this city. Her favourite one was the teal coloured soapstone hippo. She used to have heart-shaped soapstone, but she gave it to an ex who threw it away after they broke up. Just like that, he told her about the first time he fell in love. How he likes to keep in touch with his exes because they all ended mutually and were lovely people. She told him about her first break-up. They exchanged sibling horror stories. He told her about his niece Willow, whom he lovingly calls Willy. She hadn't realised until then, as they listened to the saddest break-up albums of all time, that Harry was in it for the long haul. "Think you're ready to move to the bed?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes. She slowly got up, and he stood up to help her out of the bath. Pulled up a towel for her and handed it to her. She walked over to her drawer and pulled out a pair of pyjamas for herself. He undressed into his boxers and placed his clothes on the wing chair next to her windowsill. She got into bed and opened the covers up for him. Her room was decorated the same, but fewer breakable items were in there. She had a few pictures of her family upon her wall, and a dog that he assumed was her childhood pet. He climbed in. "Small spoon?" He asked her; she answered by wrapping his around her and laid her head on his chest. He slowly ran his fingers through her hair, and she sighed in contentment. "You know, when I first realised that they weren't gonna be able to find what's wrong with me, I'd listen to 'If you're feeling sinister a lot. It was kind of a constant at the time." she said.

"When Stuart Murdoch wrote the album, he was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, so he was on bed rest for a long time. He used to look out of his window and see all these people living their lives, and he'd feel so left out? So he poured all that yearning into it. One of the songs even has an overlay of children playing in the background. That album got me through some dark times." Harry was running a finger along her arm, raising goosebumps on her warm skin. Harry places a kiss on her hair, "You know when, Willow, was a little girl. I'd play this game with her during bedtime. It would really tire her out and change her mind from being upset for having to go to bed. Do you want to try it?" He says. "Sure, why not?" She smiles and places a kiss on his tattooed chest.

"Close your eyes. No peeking, okay?" He looks over to check a pokes a finger in her side to make sure, and she bursts out in giggles. "Okay! I promise." She laughs out. He holds her closer and takes a deep breath, her hair smells of berries and residual smoke, and he decides then that's his favourite smell. "We're on a hill. It's cold out. Both of us huddled under a blanket, looking at the sky. It's just us there, so it's very quiet. You can hear the birds around and the slight wind. When it touches you, you dig yourself closer to me, and I hold you a little tighter, just like I am right now." She listens carefully, picturing precisely what it would look like. She wonders if they have any pets with them, "Can we have a dog?" She asks, "Of course, whatever you'd like, pet." He says. "Okay, so we have a dog, a dalmatian puppy. What do you think her name should be?" She asks him. "You want a girl, huh?" He smirked at her. "Uh yeah, they're best, of course." She said as a matter of factly. "Um, what do you think of birdie?" "I love it." she smiles. "Birdie is running circles around our blanket. She's completely enchanted by butterflies and jumping up and down to get to them. She smells like lavender shampoo and puppy smell. She has a small spot on her nose that's shaped like a heart. That's what made you pick her at the pound. She's wearing a baby pink collar with a gold medallion which has her name engraved on it. She just saw us watching her, so now rushing to cuddle. She comes running to us and lands herself right in between, and we take her inside the blanket and settle in for a good ol' nap." Listening to him describe in such detail a life that he envisions for the two of them makes her feel so full of love.

"I feel so full and happy. A little hazy with that feeling, so much so that I can't remember what I was upset about." She smiles into his chest. "I told you, it'll help. It's tried and tested, ma'am." He says, ruffling her hair a bit. "Thank you so much, Harry. Thank you for staying and taking care of me and making sure I was okay. Thank you for listening to me and not judging me and just being here." She tears up a little.

"Hey, no tears." He says, wiping a stray tear that escaped. "And, you don't have to thank me at all. I just want you to be honest with me, so I can be there for you. You don't need to carry this all on your own. If you allow me, I'd like to ease the burden a little bit." He says as he runs his thumb along her cheek.

Now...

The loud barking from the other room jolts her out of her daydream. She looks up to see the reason behind the sound. Birdie comes running towards their bed with her toy, all prepared to jump up, but Harry stops her. "Birdie, no! Don't jump on Mummy!" "It's okay, Harry." Ellie reaches for Birdie. "You spoil her so much, she'd never going to learn." "Oh come on, sweets, it's our vacation. You have to let her get away with some things."

He sits up, and Birdie immediately places herself on his lap and whines for him to scratch her. He happily obliges. "Now, my darling wife, come here and give me a kiss before I take our baby out for a wee." You smile and lean up for a kiss. He kisses your nose once before getting out of bed and walking over to wear a pair of shorts. He turns around to Ellie, and says "Are you feeling up to a picnic?"

She smiles and hits save on the document she was typing. "Yes, I'll get the snacks ready. Give me five minutes." She places the laptop on the bed and walks over to him. She reaches on her tippy toes and grabs him by the neck, and gives him one big kiss.

[winterscaptain]

co-regulating.

Aaron Hotchner x Fem!Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: following balancing out, an anon asked about aaron and mom’s first time after her recovery, so here it is!! our first fic of 2021! and it’s smut. who’s surprised? not me!! i’m doing blog housekeeping this weekend, so let me know if you want to be on taglist!

words: 1.8k warnings: smut (p in v penetration, creampie, very soft, quite tame), mentions of canon-typical injury and recovery, language

summary: “scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.” - cormac mccarthy, all the pretty horses. au!march 2021

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | requests closed!

You turn off the lights, crawl into bed, and slide under the covers, immediately rolling halfway onto Aaron and pulling his lips to yours. 

He makes a little surprised noise and takes the back of your head in his hand, his other arm wrapping around your lower back. You run your fingers up his abdomen under his shirt, finally landing with your palm over his racing heart. 

“Did you take your meds?” You whisper against his mouth. It wasn’t like him to forget, but his pulse had to be higher than a hundred. That might be alright for someone actively running a marathon, but for a fifty-two-year-old stabbing survivor with chronic health issues due to said stabbing it was less so. 

He laughs. “Really?” 

“Yeah, really. You’re fucking tachycardic.” 

He shakes his head and kisses your forehead. “That’s your fault. And yes, I did take my meds.” 

You hum. “Good.” 

“Any reason in particular you ask?” He’s still the picture of fond skepticism - eyebrows raised and a little smile curling at the corner of his mouth. 

You shrug. “Just got some clearances from physical therapy today.” 

“Oh?” 

“Mhmm.” Your hand slides down past the waistband of his sweats, palming his cock through the fabric. He hisses through his teeth, his hips tipping up, searching for more contact. 

His eyes flutter shut as you stroke him over his pants, your touch gentle and slow. He swallows thickly, his breath stuttering for a moment. “Are you allowed?”

“I have to take it easy,” you tell him. “But I’m allowed.” 

He reaches down for your thigh, brushing up to your ass, and he inhales again, sharp, when he realizes you’re wearing one of his shirts and one of his shirts only. You oblige him and shift to straddle him, settling down against him and circling your hips for just a little friction. 

Aaron’s fingers play with the hem and a little flash of anxiety jolts through your belly. He sees it in your face and lets go, dropping his hands to your hips. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You shake your head. “Just got nervous about the scarring. I’m fine.” 

Aaron tilts his head to the right, studying you. “Do you want to leave your shirt on? It’s okay if you do.” 

“I know.” You take a deep breath and remove your shirt, your ribs only pulling a little as you lift your arms over your head. “But I’m good.” 

Of course he’s seen you - he’s the one who dealt with your wound care when you got home - but this is the first real sex you’ve attempted since your injury. It’s silly to feel insecure, really. Aaron loves you from top to toe and you know it. He’s also got scars of his own, and you know they don’t impact the way you see him, but it’s new to you. 

Scary. 

Aaron’s hands slide up to your waist, his right thumb just brushing the angry, raised scar over your left side. You run your hands down his arms, coming to rest on his forearms. The pair of you just sit there for a moment, breathing together. 

Co-regulating. You remember. That’s what this is called. 

“Can I turn on the little light?” He asks. 

You nod, knowing he can see you. One of his hands leaves you and stretches, sliding the dimmer on the bedside lamp just bright enough that you can see each other, but not so bright that it’s harsh. 

His eyes soften as they wander from your hips, up your abdomen, and finally meet yours, watching him look at you. He wets his lips as he shamelessly checks you out and heat floods you from head to toe. You know he can feel it when you start to throb between your legs, your center pressed against his hardness. 

“There you are.” His hands slide up, reaching your chest, brushing over your nipples with his thumbs. “I missed you.” 

You smile, despite yourself. “Hi.” 

When you nod, he presses his hips up into you and you lift up, giving him space to slide his pajama pants down enough to free his cock. 

You settle back over him, grinding without letting him enter you as you slide against him. Bring a hand to the back of his head, winding your fingers in his hair while your other hand rests on his shoulder for balance. 

“Fuck, you’re soaked.” Aaron’s head tips back and gentle hands guide your hips back and forth, coating him in your arousal. His next words come through an almost-desperate gasp. “I missed you. God, I missed you.” 

There’s something in his voice that makes your breath catch, brings tears to your eyes. His eyes snap open and meet yours, his hands leaving your hips with fingers open and palms out. “Did I hurt you?” 

“No, no.” You shake your head. “I think this is what the kids call catharsis.” 

He laughs a little and sits up, kicking his pants all the way off and gingerly pulling both of you to the top of the bed so he can lean against the headboard and bring a leg up behind you. “C’mere, honey.” 

You melt into his chest, picking yourself up a little and slinging your arms around his shoulders. You feel his hand between you, guiding himself into you. 

You tense with a little hiss through your teeth, and he stills. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, nothing.” You kiss his cheek. “Just gotta go slow.”

He presses his cheek to yours, his other hand brushing over your back. “Okay. At your pace, sweetheart.” 

You finally sink down with a deep breath, taking all of him. 

The hand that was between you slides up around your back, finding a place at the back of your neck and holding you close. Aaron barely moves, thrusting up into you just as far as he can without jostling you too much, taking all your weight on his hips while supporting you with his thigh. 

You take a shaky breath, the tightness in your throat hanging on until you let yourself cry into his shirt. Nothing hurts more than it should given your injuries, you’re not sad, but you missed him. 

“Are you alright?” He asks, pressing his lips to your shoulder. 

You nod. “Yeah.” 

He doesn’t say anything else. The hand on your hip begins to guide you so he can pull out further before sliding back in. You whimper. 

The feeling of him moving within you is achingly familiar; he feels more like an extension of your own body than a separate being. 

There’s no hurry, no rush, no aim in his movement. Neither one of you tries to get anywhere, preferring the proximity to anything else. You literally can’t get closer to him. When he bottoms out, you can feel the pleasure and pressure behind your cheekbones, in your aching ribs.

He’s a perfect fit. Always has been. 

You tuck your face impossibly further into his neck, your lips locked to his pulse point, as your tears subside. 

His heart rate has slowed significantly, beating steadily, without haste, under his skin. He wraps further around you, the hand on your hip crawling up your back to meet the other between your shoulders. 

He doesn’t mean to, but he crushes you a little to his chest and you flinch, your ribs twinging. 

Immediately, his hands disappear and he stills. You lean back and press your palms to his chest for stability, breathing as deeply as you can with your eyes squeezed shut until the pain passes. You open your eyes to Aaron’s concern, guilt coloring the lines around his eyes. 

Bringing your hands to his face, you rub the tension away with your thumbs. “I’m okay, love. Just a little gentler. It’s okay.” 

His eyes flutter shut, but you keep your eyes and hands on his face as you lift yourself again, feeling the intoxicating drag of him against your walls before you drop back down. He lets out the breath he was holding as he bottoms out again, his hands returning to your waist. 

You lean forward, your foreheads meeting and noses brushing. His hands drop to your hips, guiding them to that angle that always leaves you both wanting for air no matter the pace.

Without fail, you find it together and the ribbons of pleasure curl up your spine, unhurried and gentle. You let out a breathless moan and Aaron steals it from you, capturing your mouth. Deepening the kiss, you drop your hands from his face to the nape of his neck, your fingers winding into his hair. 

The pace never changes, remains slow and meandering, even as you both get closer to the edge. You almost don’t want to finish - didn’t think you would, really - but the pleasure nevertheless builds in your lower belly, your walls throbbing in time with your heart.

Aaron’s thumbs pass back and forth over your skin where they work your hips against him. 

You reach your peak first, his precision and consistency tipping your body into a rush of pleasure that takes your breath and your vision. Aaron never frees your mouth, swallowing your cries as they leave you. 

“Good, baby. Just want to make you feel good.” It’s a mumble as he finally wanders away from your lips, wandering down your jaw. 

His command of your body prolongs your orgasm, drawing it out to a constant dull hum that thrums through you. 

Aaron never falters for a second. You know he’s entirely focused on you, but he told you once that the focus only makes it better. The effect of your pleasure on him is clear when you open your eyes, even weighed down as they are by sensation. 

Aaron’s eyes are closed, his breath leaving him in time with his movement inside you, his mouth pressed into a thin line. You fall forward into him again and his arms wind around you, gentle and mindful. 

His orgasm seems to surprise him a little, his hips and breath stutter as he thrusts up and pulls you down by the hips, spilling deep into you with a short groan. You gasp at the pressure, the last dregs of your own orgasm fluttering through you with renewed purpose. 

The two of you continue to move against each other as you come down, your body feeling looser and almost without pain for the first time in three months. Aaron’s hands trace up your back, smoothing over your skin and setting it alight. He softens inside you, but doesn’t leave your heat. 

Aaron curls forward, pressing his lips to your collarbone and wandering down your chest. You let yourself tip back, supported by his hands, as he continues down your body until he reaches the new scar. His lips pass over it three or four times before you feel a firm, but gentle, kiss right over the center. 

He straightens, bringing a hand to your face. “I love you.” 

The words sound so simple in his mouth. They make you smile. 

“I love you, too.”

+++

tagging: @arganfics @quillvine @stxrrywildflower @rousethemouse @criminalsmarts @shrimpyblog @genevievedarcygranger @ssaic-jareau @good-heavens-chris-evans @angelsbabey @writefasttalkevenfaster @venusbarnes @marvels-agents100 @hotchslatte @risenfox @mrs-dr-reid @mrs-marcus-moreno @dwellingsofrosie @pinkdiamond1016 @aaronhotchnerr @violentvulgarvolatile @mooneylupinblack @ssareidbby @ssa-morgan @violet-amxthyst @capricorngf @pan-pride-12 @mandylove1000 @joanofarkansass  @cevanswhre @infinity1321 @zizzlekwum @popped-weasels @mandylove1000 @jeor @capricorngf @missdowntonabbey @nuvoleincielo @ssahotchnerr @bwbatta @roses-and-grasses @winqhster @the-falling-in-the-danger @iconicc @mangoberry43 @crazyshannonigans @ceceguajardo-blog @brittanymcsharry

[gobstoppr]

a ramble about . having hand and wrist pain that all started hitting me at once .theres no real thesis i just have been thinking about shit . happy disability awareness month .

god for what, over 4months now , ive had chronic hand/wrist pain thats made it fucking frustrating as all hell to do . the things i want to do . i cant play games for hours at a time . i can barely draw for over 30 minutes at a time without a break (oftentimes i have to take breaks long before that point) . i cant scroll on my dash forever since even with the keyboard shortcuts it strains over time (sidenote but CHRIST can i just . but a bookmark on a point on my dash. i want to come back there later and scroll from there . iwant the site to stop lagging ). everything i do i have to consider how bad my bones will hurt from it and if i can do it, if its something i can adjust to make easier on my hands, if its something worth 'wasting' what i call my 'hand stamina' for the afternoon. like oh if i play video game then i wont be able to draw or do shit for like at least 30min .

ive gone to the doctors. ive gone to the tests . its not carpel tunnel they say ! thank you for clearing that option after 3.5 months of pain. now i get to do more trial and error tests to see what i have . ive finally gotten at least like. the orders to let me get physical therapy so hopefully that can help . just side note i fucking HATE decentralized medical care holy SHIT why cant this info just be fucking shared between u guys . i wait 2 weeks between getting to go into the doctor and say 'yea mate it still fucking hurts' so they can give me a different appointment 2 weeks later and so on . its so much fucking treading water . weve been over this bullshit . why do i have to wait 2 weeks to see the dr for 10 minutes and then figure out an appointment . i just fucking . god .

i have to go to college in a month . im not going to be better in a month . im definetly never reaching what was once 'normal' condition for a long time . its . its hard to think about that shit . i feel like ive been trapped ykno.

i remember . for about 3 months. starting in late september 2021. i was having an absolute fucking blast . i had spamton brainrot . i could pump out several small doodles a day, sometimes multiple cleaned up/colored sketches, every couple weeks i might make a fully finished piece . i could spend hours upon hours just. doing what i loved . drawing silly guy who i liked . seeing what the other people in my community were doing . art, creativity is a conversation to me. i see peoples works, i get inspired, i want to create, even if i don't have anything in particular to say at that moment . it doesnt matter i have no ideas for posing or anything . i wanted to create . and i created .

i could be in my element . have this conversation . this feedback loop of inspiration . a constant improvement to my own skills as i just enjoyed art how i enjoy art . i'm mad at myself for not taking more breaks. im mad at myself for not fucking stretching all these years . but i will never regret my time . it was worth every second . and even if im not always interacting with everyone i met thru that time, im forever thankful for getting to meet all of them .

this is sounding a bit mopey huh . ok some quick advice then for this sorta shit in general.

for one . yes i know its fucking hard . but please just stretch a lil sometimes . even just learning one or two u can do pretty consistently can help u get going . this page has alot of good ones.

two . get yourself a good dumbass friend to watch stupid cartoons with you . yes im serious . if it were not for having my sister this summer to watch anime for children i would have gone insane with boredom whenever my hands hurty so i cant do shit . find yourself some bullshit to binge and laugh at . highly recommend the yokai watch dub of seasons 1+2 . good head empty but very entertaining shit . incredible for passing the time

three . find shortcuts for doing smaller straining tasks udont really think about . for example, theres the more prominant things like using keyboard shortcuts to navigate ur dash, but then theres stuff like realizing . oh trying to cut my sandwich with a knife is a kinda weird strain and because the bread is so soft its hard to cut super easily . so now i just . tear my pb+j up with my hands to cut it . jsut rip it . its not fucking worth the nonsense

yeah ok i think im out of things to say for now but yea. fucking hands huh . take care of yourselves gamers . i apologize if this is a bit gloomy

[gem-rewatch]

SU rewatch- S1E11- Arcade Mania

Hey, long time no see!

I’m desperately bored in solitary quarantine at university right now, and decided to try and pick this SU rewatch series up again for fun. It’s been a while since I’ve watched through the show in order. Plus, now that this show is completely finished, there’s plenty more connections to make. I can’t promise I’ll be consistent with this, but at the very least I can have fun trying to make a few more posts at my leisure.

Anyways. With that business out of the way. Let’s get right on to the show!

We begin with yet another mission Steven’s guardians have brought him along on! I believe this is the fifth mission we know of that he’s accompanied them on so far. (Lunar Sea Spire, Inverted Pyramid, the unknown mission he returns from in Tiger Millionaire, the desert, and now this one.) It’s really sweet seeing the Gems begin to trust him tagging along more often. There will come a day in the near future where missions become routine for Steven, but in these early episodes, you can really tell that each and every one is a brand new adventure.

In terms of plot, though, this episode is honestly Future Vision: The Prequel.

We learn a lot about Garnet’s abilities and her role in the team here, even if all of these details aren’t spelled out word-for-word quite yet. Hints towards her future vision we see this ep include:

Garnet moving ahead of the group to be in the perfect spot to catch Steven when he falls.

Her flawless moves while fighting and dodging the monsters.

Her becoming a master at the rhythm game later in the episode.

Like, damn. Look at this.

Look at her go.

My Q U E E N!

I had to gif all of this just because it’s such a beautiful and smooth sequence of animation.

If there’s one thing all of the Crystal Gems can 100% agree on, it’s that Garnet is friggin’ amazing.

Garnet: “Let them go. They’re just parasites. If they want to be a problem, they’ll have to answer to me.”

So, does this statement mean that- at this present moment- her extended stay at the arcade was entirely beyond her future vision? That the only futures she saw were ones where she was actually present to deal with containment of the Gem parasites? Given that later scenes insinuate she’d never been to the arcade before, and would have no “data” about its games to factor into her internal understanding of the world, this seems likely.

I adore the gradual palette change here, from shadow, to setting sun. It’s a nice detail that adds so much more life to what could otherwise be a rather mundane transition scene. It seems like unique palettes were more common in early SU- I wonder why Crewniverse stopped implementing these as often later on?

Pearl, entering the arcade: “Humans find such fascinating ways to waste their time.”

Thanks, Pearl. Love you too. <3

This sequence of Pearl failing at playing a car chase/road rage game hits so much different knowing what happens in Last One Out of Beach City. It’s genuinely radical how far she grows in confidence from this point, because here, she seems so shackled to rules and guidelines. Now that we know about her rebellious past, it might be tempting to write this characterization off as “early series weirdness,” but... I don’t think that’s what’s happening here.

Instead, I wonder if she’s working through grief-related regression.

Think about it... the pain of Rose’s passing is still so fresh for her. She was a rule breaking rebel once, yes, but she spent all of those days at Rose’s side. And I get the sense that she’s poured so much of herself into keeping Rose safe, into the rebellion against Homeworld, that without those, she’s caught in a vacuum. What IS her purpose now, when the very person she rebelled for is gone?

So she slips back into old pearl-like habits. Chronic rule following, and a fear of deviating from norms. How familiar. Thankfully, much of her arc throughout the show is her directly growing beyond these habits to live boldly as her own Gem.

The friggin video game when Garnet knocks its head off: “TELL MY WIFE I’M SORRYYY!!!”

Yo, what the fuck. This line is both hilarious and messed up, all at once. Please tell me the game isn’t sentient.

Aaaand here we finally introduce Garnet to the video game sensation that is Meat Beat Mania! This game is perfectly suited to her and her power of foresight because its patterns are algorithmic and not vulnerable to spontaneous deviations, and thus easy to predict, with enough input. She’s probably getting a quick rush of satisfaction with every correct move, and she barely has to exert any energy with her future vision to get that rush. After years and years of wading through endless possibility at every avenue, this video game’s patterns must be a rejuvenating breath of fresh air.

It’s addicting.

...Kinda makes me think of how I get sometimes when I play solitaire on my phone for an hour straight. After a while, I barely even think, I’m just shuffling through my deck and moving cards almost on automatic. I don’t have to use much energy to play, and it gives me animated fireworks every time I finish a match. It’s a win-win.

Amethyst: “I’MMA WIN AN AIRPLANE!”

I don’t know what it is about the way Michaela Dietz says the world “airplane,” but this makes me laugh every time. Does... does she think she can win a genuine airplane here because she saw Onion win a tiny motorbike from the ticket booth?? Amethyst, oh my god. XD

She’s got the spirit, this wild child.

So, moving on- we meet up with our crew later the next morning, Garnet nowhere to be seen. There’s an interesting exchange I’d like to highlight real quick-

Pearl: “If we’re supposed to fight a giant foot, Garnet would let us know.” Amethyst: “Yeah, Garnet’s the boss!” Pearl: “Well, we’re all a team. Garnet just has heightened perception that guides us towards our mission objectives.”

Considering the specific phrasing Pearl uses here- “heightened perception” instead of “future vision-” did Garnet outright tell the two of them to not explain her powers, just like she told them not to mention she’s a fusion? Because I’m pretty sure no one ever uses the phrase “heightened perception” again in reference to her powers.

Given the fact that Garnet chose to keep the knowledge of Ruby and Sapphire under the table until she felt Steven could understand her better, my guess is that this is a similar scenario.

Ahah, I genuinely can’t tell if this is Steven being gullible, or just impulsively playing along with Amethyst’s antics. Still- gross, kid. Don’t wipe your wet cereal face on your shirt! Ew! :O

When he goes outside and starts to use a kiddy metal detector to scan for quarters... so THAT’S where he finds his arcade money! Because I can’t imagine Greg is financially able to give him that much to spend on non-essentials at this point in the show.

Okay, so... I just want to bring light to the fact that Garnet has literally been in this arcade ALL NIGHT LONG.

It was evening when she first arrived here- the sun was visibly setting in the background, and when Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl left, the sky was dark. But now it’s morning. Steven was just seen eating breakfast. And Garnet is STILL HERE.

Does this mean Mr. Smiley locked her IN? I have so many questions... Did he try to get her to leave, only to be intimidated by her complete lack of response? I would kill to know more about this interaction. Poor Mr. Smiley. That man deals with so much bullshit in this town, huh?

Geebus, is Garnet a solid wall. Previous episodes have shown Steven forcibly shoving whole tons of food, and swinging a mini-freezer over his head, and yet he can’t get her to budge even an inch.

I absolutely adore how he climbs up her frame like a koala, though, ahah. Cute.

Meat Beat Mania announcer: “That’s rare!!” Steven: “Oh my gosh...!”

I take these two lines as evidence that this is the first time Steven’s ever seen Garnet’s eyes. Specifically, the fact that there’s three of them. Which, makes sense- since Garnet is still really reserved emotionally at this point, and is only begins to get in the habit of taking her visor off to show Steven her full face later on in the show.

This expression deeply hurts me.

Steven’s so distraught here- because the others are in danger, the town is in danger, and he doesn’t have his trusty, dependable guardian who catches him when he falls and beats up scary monsters for him. Without her, the whole team is vulnerable and blind.

He feels alone. He feels... powerless.

And so he responds to that confusing, powerless feeling by trying to compensate with his own power. When all other routes he can think of fail, he smashes the video game console.

It... uh, it works... but once again, Steven entirely fails to consider the consequences, huh? He experienced a little bit of character growth in this regard in the episode Serious Steven, but even past that it’ll remain an recurring issue for him. Hell, his impulsiveness is a general character flaw even stretching into SUF.

In summary, though:

Poor Mr. Smiley. He works so hard, and doesn’t deserve this BS. ;-;

[epikhightrans]

Epik High - 정당방위 (In Self-defense) (feat. Woo, Nucksal & CHANGMO) (Keep reading for lyrics)

Tablo: Hey guys, I’m just– I’m going to N-New York, just for a week.  (Go ahead.) I need to write some lyrics.

It’s damn hard to live like a good person When I look around, it’s all castles or the gutter Everybody wanna beef for that bread Sandwiched between top and bottom I’m out of energy Aren’t all of your lives only worth living once you’ve drawn some blood? It’s my job to be preyed on What can I do? “Don’t want to lose in the turf war? Listen carefully to what I say” You treat me like a bitch and expect obedience? Aha! The right to know, the right to know? Thanks to that, we get tabloids breeding like rabbits and flocks of fuckery Microdust, my ass All over the hazy Seoul sky – no fire, no smoke I totally feel like Tukutz Feel like shit every second I’m awake Stop that, why do you keep starting fights and stirring shit? Leave me alone, f**ka!

Woo: Huh? Look at the window Bruh after lockdown, you’ve been talking more shit You’ll get in trouble like that Bend your back like limbo You’re the line In accordance with self-defense Listen, you lil�� kiddies commenting This world of boomers is quite different from Youtube Bow the f**k down huh You like hearing that? Huh? Would you do fuck off man Was it my way? My hard-earned money escapes me Oh wait Hate that, you just hate it right? Rest in peace King Nipsey Hussle You are just b I don’t know that

Nucksal: If I get stressed, that’s my loss Swear upfront, that’s my intro Got messy eating habits By any means, eat the whole table Hey hey h-here, change the tape  Red light everywhere, blindly pouncing on me Trying to rip my head off Yo come on, I’m Scarface Eye for a eye, I pay it all back Speak the truth or get bashed Been laughing it off, you found that funny? Gonna knock off your upper teeth Even the enemies of my enemies  All like me, you say? Haha Tell ‘em I can’t make it today Tell your mama Pick up the phone, it’s my last atonement I said leave me the f**k alone, you f**kers Mithra Jin: Everyone’s running rampant Pretending to be blind to others’ pain Only feeling relieved after prodding here and there A chronic disease suffered by the society at large Communication is always a straight drive Scoldings and lessons that no one asked for Been listening but feels like I’mma choke I rip my mask open Afraid of my dry coughs, huh? Rather than social distancing, Wanna distance myself from these pessimistic f**ks No difference between you and the virus Cuz you only leave behind pain Like leaves falling from the winter winds Just keep hitting rock bottom Like the break of dawn, I swallow even the darkness I hope to become the sun Even setting my entire body on fire CHANGMO: Frustrated, frustrated Hard– I mean, I’m frustrated Made it here by myself, expect nothing less from a street thug Even arrived beyond the position I've imagined Don’t care that no one’s on my side I’ve moved to the front yard of my enemy forces Camo Bathing Ape Tight hood on top These f**kers buying Brioni suits with mommy’s money Bash on them with my riches F**ker who forgot his hungry youth F**ker who screws around in pricey clothes F**ker in the middle like J. Cole’s hit The world says to choose one, I say f**k you I’m a hero, the f**ker to save Seoul Hero, the f**ker to transfuse money into his blood Calling yourselves rappers but fashionistas by profession, What are you f**kers? These f**kers say something scene, blah respect, b***h, cash F**k that, your stage is the magazine I’ve done everything you’ve done, except one Kissing hella ass to earn good opportunities F**kers around my age with zero personality Guess you’ve seen some stuff When you pop Dom Pérignons, I pop Lagavulins It’s Gangbuk vs Gangnam Look into it, who’s the real artist? It’s me, so f**k your artist marketing now

Tablo: I swear to God Swear I didn’t wanna have to kill again Eye for an eye Classic after classic, this is number ten Hey you f**kers Name a f**kin’ rapper we ain’t influenced It’s Epik High If I’m guilty It was all in self-defense BANG!

© epikhightrans

[haunted-by-catholic-guilt]

Cumbersome And Heavy Body

Jon was born hurting.

Well, that was an exaggeration, but he did have chronic pain for as long as he could remember.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TW FOR INTERNALIZED ABLEISM

i think thats all this has been in my folder for ages

yeah the title is from a mother mother song don't @ me

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jon was born hurting.

Well, that was an exaggeration, but he did have chronic pain for as long as he could remember.

He was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and fibromyalgia at age 26, after ten years of progressing symptoms and a lot of pushing from Georgie.

He had started using a cane that same year, after one too many falls for his liking.

He was embarrassed, of course, being as young as he was and needing to use it, but after much reassuring from Georgie, and the pure pain he was in, he finally did it.

He wore braces sometimes, but found that the cane was much to.. showy already that he wasn’t well.

No one at the institute seemed to care, second glances, some odd comments on the rare occasion.

On his first day as head archivist, he looked down to the archives, a steep, jagged set of stairs in his path.

Fuck.

He sighed and painstakingly slowly made his way down the stairs, he was early, and no one saw him, thank god for that.

It continues on like that for a while, going into work early, leaving late, not leaving for lunch.

It worries Martin, and Martin makes that clear.

Jon does not like Martin.

The dog in the archives for one, his constantly late work, his penmanship, his lack of basic knowledge, his frequent interruptions-

Jon could go on and on about why he hates Martin Blackwood, and he makes sure Martin knows.

It does not stop Martins’s worry, or his kindness, and that’s what Jon hates the most.

Jon tries to calmly hate Martin, scarcely snapping at him, and very rarely raising his voice, at anyone, really.

Today, however, Jon had woken up in some of the worse pain he had felt in a long time, something more than the normal bad pain.

His joints were burning, and it was expanding into an ache around them, his skin stung at any small touch, and a stinging pain threads its way through his veins.

Despite this, Jon still went into work, having to stop every few steps to catch his breath, and regroup.

He got in early and locked himself in his office, not talking to anyone and hoping it would stay that way.

But of course, Martin couldn’t give him that, could he?

A soft knock on the door, more for courtesy than asking for permission, Jon had learned.

“Goodmorning, Jon! I brought you tea-“

Jon felt anger rise and boil over before he could stop it, he slammed his hand on his desk, which did not help his pain but that was the least of the issues at hand.

“Damnit, Martin! I don’t want your goddamn tea, I don’t want to talk to you, please for the love of God leave me alone and do your goddamn work well for once? If your performance does not improve soon I will have you fired. And stop getting in the way.

He was yelling, he didn’t mean to yell, but he was.

Martin was pale and shaking, he looked like he was about to cry, and Tim and Sasha had gone dead quiet outside of his office.

Martin cleared his throat, and quickly pulled himself back together.

“R-right I’ll jus- I’ll be going.”

Martin closed the door, and Jon sagged into his chair.

He was going to pay for this, he lost his temper and now he was going to pay for it.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Martin closed the door to Jon’s office, and it took all he had not to start crying right then and there.

He inhaled shakily, and glanced into the break room, where Sasha and Tim were currently quiet, and staring at him.

Shit.

Tim was the first to move, quickly moving to Martin and then ushering him into the breakroom and sat him down at the table, and Sasha gently pried the tea out of his shaking hands, but he hardly noticed, being too focused on not crying.

He heard Tim talking, his voice was loud and sounded angry, and Sasha was stroking his arm but sounded pissed.

He didn’t hear anything that was being said, he just stared forward, feeling the tears prickle at his eyes, he didn’t even realize he had finally started crying until Sasha cooed, and ran her thumb over his cheek, wiping away the tears.

“Oh Martin, I’m so sorry.”

He quickly shook his head, it was his own fault, no one needed to apologize.

“N-No it’s alright, I’m fine just uh- over sensitive is all, I’m sorry.”

Tim huffed and patted his shoulder, and walked away, not giving any indication of where he was going, but Martin and Sasha both knew, Martin tried to stop him, though.

“Tim you don’t- Tim!”

His attempt was futile and the door was already open and being slammed again.

He let out a shaky sigh and put his head on the table before he stood back up.

“Well I should probably get back to work”

He let out a quiet heh, and Sasha looked displeased.

“Martin, love, it’s ok that you’re upset by that, he was an ass.”

Martin forced a laugh, but reassured her he was fine, and went back to work.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jon hissed out a sigh, Tim was right.

He was just graced with quite the telling off from an extraordinarily angered Tim, which he completely deserved, some of the highlights included his selfishness, him being a jerk to Martin for no fair reason, and many, many, other things.

He didn’t try to fight back, he knew he deserved it, but he also couldn’t bring himself to talk at all.

His blood was boiling with pain, and his joints had become stiff with aching, he felt like he had been struck by lightning.

Jon sighed, and stood up, he knew he needed to apologize to Martin, the sooner the better, but before he could do anything, everything went black.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It had been about half an hour since the incident, Tim having spent the larger part of it chewing out Jon, when they heard a crash from Jon’s office.

“Shit”

Tim scowled but he and Martin rushed into Jons office you see him on the floor, unconscious, Martin quickly knelt by him, and grabbed his wrist.

“He doesn’t have a temperature, but his heart rate is fast”

Tim crouched down next to the small man’s unconscious form, before Martin seemed to get an idea.

“Tim, can you set his legs on your lap? Elevation might help.”

He couldn’t comprehend how Martin was still this caring to Jon who not even an hour earlier yelled such nasty things at him, but he did as he was asked.

After a few minutes, Jon started to stir, and opened his eyes, he looked confused for a second, but then revelation hit him.

“Oh- Martin I- I’m so sorry”

Martin smiled, a sad smile, but Tim could tell he was hurt and wouldn’t say anything.

“It’s quite alright Jon, are you okay?”

Jon shifted a little, before realizing his feet were being held, he smiled sheepishly and wiggled out of Tim’s grasp.

“I’m okay, it happens sometimes.”

Martins brow furrowed and despite himself, Tim felt worry blossom in him too.

“It shouldn’t happen, have you gone to a doctor?”

Jon nodded, and began to pull himself off of the floor, and Martin shot up immediately, eager to help, where Tim slowly stood up.

“Yes, it’s fine, Martin.”

Martin helped Jon sit down at his desk, and looked down, still embarrassed about earlier, Tim supposed.  

“Come on boss, the least you can do is tell Martin why you yelled at him and then fainted.”

Martin made a noise, and stuttered.

“Tim, that is not necessary! If he doesn’t want to tell us he doesn’t need to”

Jon knew he should tell them, should tell them ‘sometimes I pass out, it’s one of the many symptoms of my chronic illnesses!’ but he doesn’t want to, doesn’t want to be seen as fragile, and weak.

“Martin I’m so sorry for yelling earlier, I’m not feeling my best and I took it out on you, but I shouldn’t have”

This time Martin looks up at Jon and looks surprised by a genuine apology.

“It’s alright Jon, really.”

Tim looked like he was about to fight it, but Jon felt a burst of pain from his knee, and let out a whimper despite himself.

“Jon? Are you alright?”

He gritted his teeth and nodded.

“Jon I can tell you’re not, what’s going on?”

Jon sighed, and wrong his hands, anxious for reasons he didn’t understand.

“It’s fine. I just- I have a- a chronic illness, and one of the symptoms of one of them is sometimes when I stand up, or sit up, I get dizzy and sometimes faint, I’m fine really, I just prefer to keep it to myself.”

He twisted his hands again, uncomfortable but Martin put his hand on Jon’s, clearly in a gesture of comfort.

“I- I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, my joints aren’t right, too flimsy and bendy, more things too… and my pain varies, but it’s always there and I use the cane to help balance, and no I don’t need your pity or to be treated like I’m fragile just because I’m disabled, it’s just there.”

He looked up to see Martin smiling softly at him, and Tim looking surprised, and Sasha, who had apparently shown up without his knowledge, was leaning against the doorframe.

“Jon, we‘re not going to treat you differently now that we know what’s wrong with you, it can just make it easier for us to, you know, help you!”

Sasha’s voice was soft and reassuring, and she stepped into the room further, and Tim spoke up.

“Boss, you really gotta stop hiding information from us like, ya know, the fact that sometimes you pass out, or you’re going to give poor Martin an early heart attack”

Martin blushed and stammered at that statement, before moving his hand to Jon’s shoulder.

“Jon, I’m glad you told us, I know it can be hard to be open about those things.”

Jon nodded, and slowly started to push himself off the floor, and Martin immediately started to help him up, Tim grabbed his cane from where it had fallen, offering it to him.

“Let us help you, boss, we are a team after all, aren’t we?”

Jon smiled and nodded, and for a second, felt okay.

[jaynovz]

Dead man in a ditch thoughts pt1, super spoilery

Listen like. Fingers ok. Hendricks is handfeeding him? I cannot.

Also this flashback of them hanging out makes me fucking sad as shit GOD. b/c I know how it all ends.

okay now DM format:

"colder than that cup of tea you made four hours ago and forgot about" excuse me I have been called out Lol

Got to say it is extremely interesting that there are no guns since it's a noir

But it doesn't seem like there are only fantasy weapons

I wouldn't consider brass knuckles to be a fantasy weapon

I like this gnome

Fetch sure does get clawed in the face by werecats a lot

“AREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO SHOT ME?”

“THAT WAS A WHOLE 2 MINUTES AGO” Fetch is such a sassy shit. I laugh so hard reading this

All I can think about this cat thief is Selena Kyle

"I could catch an infection just by looking at you" SAVAGE

This man is such a fucking disaster

I want to bundle him up stat

Get Fetch Laid challenge

And then Get Fetch Love and Affection challenge

"you're just a boy" ok you don't got to call him out as a sub in his own home

“Sorry I rarely have guests so early”

She looks at her watch.

“But it's--”

“I'm sure it is. How's the leg?” I relate to this

Oh my GOD THE CHAMBER POT FELL OFF THE ANGEL DOOR BALCONY

AHAHAHAHAHAH

Luke: when I introduce a new character I simply must describe their fingers

I fucking love Simms

Fetch: I am not looking for ways to bring the magic back

Everyone: sure of course not ;)

I'm assuming that non-magical explosives do not exist

again, THE WORLDBUILDING. Luke is a nerd after my own heart

oh wow, his dwarf voice is great. Now I’m imagining Luke DMing a campaign 🤩🤩

I feel way less bad for all the shit I’ve done to Silver in fic b/c Luke treats Fetch So Much Worse

"you don't have any friends" 🥺

NOO MY SON

MAGIC

Also this man gets hit in the face so much

Oh this line is super good: “he didn't act like I'd hit a nerve. He acted like I'd strung it over a violin and played it with a razor blade.”

I love how Fetch is literally just stealing things from this pharmacy before calling the cops

So many things

He Deserves It

The chronic pain is also big Silver feels

Tho Silver is on the opposite end of the spectrum in refusing to take any pain meds instead of literally mainlining them

Aw fetch "I was all giddy from the ridiculousness of Simms talking to me like she cared"

Honey On Purpose ppl Care about you

The lil gnome gave him some hand holds earlier and he was Shook

Omg a dumpster of fae bodies

Poor lad

I'm going to send fetch to a spa and then put him in a bed with a bunch of people to cuddle him

Omg this is hurtful. Crying in the club

He fixed up the mansion and cleaned and got Amari new clothes

Jesus

I'm SUFFERING

Also Fetch and his suicidal ideation jesus

BAXTER TIME

Oh yes describe Baxter again

Big

OH NO

They are Sad

Everyone in this city needs a hug

"I guess that's where your eyebrow went"

KISS ALREADY

"the fire in Baxter's eyes turned blue behind their glasses."

S-sexy

He's like "I could lie down right now and die and nobody would care. Beautiful 🥰"

I've gone from Silver vibes over to Big Flint vibes

Oh here come the trauma nightmares

Honey 😔

Luke has a very good scary voice

This possum is me

Somebody has been digging the petrified brains out of fae bodies and that is so horrible

The way he writes all this gruesome shit

Damn

He really took "how do you write? First make a gay little man. Then give him a problem" to heart

Goddamn it's getting worse

This is like the most triggering thing I can imagine for this character

Also this: "there are some questions you try not to ask yourself. Even if you spend every second trying to push them away, they never quite leave. They sit in the shadows with sharpened teeth, waiting for a chance to bite down on the most tender pieces of your brain."

OHHHHH nooooo

He found a letter and now he's thinking about Hendricks and I'm SUFFERING

Man's been repressing shit for 6 years

And then BOOM

Fetch 🤝 Silver

"I SHOULD HAVE JOINED THE CIRCUS WHEN I WAS 15, FALLEN OFF THE TRAPEZE AND SAVED EVERYONE A LOT OF TROUBLE"

Sir

That's very funny and also very upsetting

HOW

Omg Fetch do not watch this

omgggg

oh

choking

ok

EXCUSEME

HIS

CROTCH EXPLODED?

Nooooo not the other eyebrow

Fetch like "I don't know how to explain to you that desecrating corpses is bad"

"eyebrows like toilet paper are things you don't miss till you reach out and realize they're gone"

AHAHAHHA

Oh. Dog collar. Ok.

Warlock on a leash

"A man might cross an ocean for love but with enough hate, he'll try to drink it"

Listen he needs to stop with these

Oh more choking. Ok

And uh this: "we rolled along the path like lovers, trading kicks, slaps and scratches instead of kisses."

Anyway I'm only on chapter 15 and already fetch has been beat a million ways to Sunday

Can this man have a vacation

They're being nice to him and he's like "hmmm this makes me uncomfortable"

REMIND YOU OF ANYONE

"if someone turns in a couple of eyebrows--brown, fuzzy, in need of a pluck-- can you push them through my letterbox?"

PFFFFTTT

"I stared at the legs for a while, wondering how long they'd been there and what kind of person they might be connected to. They weren't moving. Maybe they weren't connected to anyone. Maybe they were just a couple of legs, off on their own, out for a walk." WHY IS HE SO FUNNY

OH

GUN

OKAY

WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE THAT WITHOUT INSTRUCTIONS

“I IGNORED IT ALL EXCEPT THE BIT ABOUT THE HAT” OMGGGGGGG

Mr. "I didn't know whether to be turned on or terrified"

Both?

OHHHHH she's like "oh my God you disaster stay right here we are about to fix this"

Thank God someone's doing it

This. Sub.

his head. in his lap.

okay i’m done. digging a hole. bye. that’s it.

GAY

I'm going insane

Tattooed Lady werewolf sign me up

Trauma Flashback Time~

What will help me feel safer? A GUN

Oh my god this is going to be Terrible

This man should not have a gun

He's so jumpy

Back to the Brothel!

Wonder how much trouble him gonna get in this time

I'm going to go ahead and say that bronze leaves are supposed to be 20s

This nerd really invented a whole card game

I appreciate and respect how Extra this is

Oh hmmm yes

Mmm he said darlin. Luke saying darlin made me have to pause and recalibrate my brain.

"He'd written a version of events inside his head and he was holding onto them so he wouldn't have to admit what a mistake he'd made." HMmmMmm sounds familiar

Fetch Phillips should not have a gun but also the way Luke just read the "I'll make your head explode" was

Sexy

Also "so how about I show you a little miracle"

Sir have mercy

Oh he's finally testing the gun out on a dummy andddd:

He. Should. Not. Have. This.

FETCH IS A HORSE GIRL

Mr Arnold you are mean:

GOBLIN WITH A PROSTHETIC

Fetch. Handcuffed

NOOOO

THE HORSE

THAT WAS

SO RUDE

(okay that’s it for now. I have more and I’ll post it later)

Omgggg "don't be jealous"

Hendricks WHAT THE FUCK