#i laugh so hard i forget about the tragic backstory lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yinyuedijun · 4 months ago

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COCO.....I WILL CRY ACTUALLY I WILL CRY OVER ALL UR COMMENTS 😭😭😭 I LITERALLY CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW HAPPY THEY MADE ME AGLDJSKFJAJ thank you so so much for taking the time to type out all your reactions & thoughts, and saying such kind things !!! 🥺🥺🥺

also I'm about to type an entire essay in response, for which I apologize LOL

SO FUNNILY, one of the things I was really worried abt with this fic is that it wasn't very concise because I kept wanting to ramble abt the other characters!! usually I too always forget about characters other than the love interest (LMAO) but I genuinely love all the wbk boys I couldn't help but want to talk about what they're up to in this au... so I'm super glad that you enjoyed all those lil details in the fic, and they didn't feel pointless !! 🥺 (k.u.w.b. made me giggle btw. imagining a reality tv show where umemiya is the kris jenner equivalent)

I genuinely giggled so much when I saw ur reaction to the marriage joke.... now I'm extremely excited for ur reaction if you read part 2 because it'll be coming up again :3ccc

ALSO COCO ITS LIKE WE ARE TELEPATHICALLY CONNECTED BC THATS THE EXACT PANEL I WAS THINKING ABT AS I WROTE THAT SCENE I was actually shocked when I saw those mangacaps in ur post LOL

laughing so so hard @ the colourblindness comments 😭😭😭 my genuine mission with this fic was to get everyone situationally colourblind for this man and I'm glad it worked on you miss coco ♥️♥️♥️ who can resist a man that looks at you as if you were a misbehaving kitten.... truly 😔 (giggled at ur reaction to that line too btw hehehe)

and HELP your comments on the scene with sakura were so fun to read !! I really did want people to genuinely feel like suo is A Danger at this point so I'm super happy that you thought the scene was tense and actually anxiety provoking WAHAHA. also I'm so flattered you thought it felt like a film scene, though I apologize for the whiplash LMDAOFKJS. I've never seen uncut gems but now I feel like I have to watch it!!!!

I literally laughed OUT LOUD at your reaction to the scene where suo pulled u into his lap HAHFLSJS NOT YOUR STUFFED ANIMAL.... rip sorry abt the tragic casualty of this suo fic </3 but also I desperately need to know,

what would you want to say that would get you guillotined? 🎤🎤🎤

but speaking more seriously LOL it means a lot to me that you like their relationship and suo's characterization! I'm sure you've seen me ramble abt this rip but writing him makes me nervous bc we have no info on him 💔 so I'm glad you enjoyed the backstory I hallucinated for him, as well as the yandere angle that I went with for him!!! also I must admit I screamed a lil when you said "perhaps what's best for her is to fuck her silly and hold her tenderly and kiss her like a lover...?" ALGKSFJJS you understand exactly where I'm going with his mindset ♥️ but also I regret to inform you that the sex is actually insane, though I hope you will enjoy it anyway 😭😭😭 ITS FINE HE'LL DO ALL THOSE THINGS OFFSCREEN LATER

I ALSO need to admit I got embarrassed when u called me out on loving suo 😔 I really do love this guy, especially this stinky horrible man version of him I hallucinated HRGKSJS. I'm not used to writing super self-indulgent things so I was a lil embarrassed about posting this tbh!!!! so thank you for being so encouraging n supportive about that aspect of the fic !!

I SHALL FORCE MYSELF TO STOP YAPPING NOW and I'm sorry I wrote so much LOL. I just wish words could convey how much ur comment means to me!!! 🥺🥺🥺 you are so kind and thoughtful and I hope you know how much I appreciate u!!!

TOKYO VICE | part 1

You knew that if you agreed to move in with Suo, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these alarming behaviours were all signs that he desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good decision. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Unfortunately for you, you rarely made good decisions. (Or: After joining the yakuza, Suo develops the concerning habit of controlling every facet of your life. This is somehow less worrying to you than your uncontrollable lust around him.)

8.7k words. suo x fem reader. deeply unserious yakuza au. yandere suo (not abusive and reader is into it), dark comedy, a little angst, smut. warnings: borderline sex work, off-screen criminal violence. nsft – no actual smut in this chapter, but there are still graphic discussions of sex. mdni. thank you to @sleepyqinfei for beta reading and to @/cafekitsune for the banner!

this is a sequel to sincerity and this sakura/reader wip (not required reading)!

You’re not exactly sure why you and Suo have never fucked.

It’s certainly strange, given that you're pretty sure that Suo has expressed at least passing interest in you over the years, and you have felt a lot of interest in him. (By ‘interest’, you mean that you feel an insatiable lust around him that you fight to ignore on a daily basis.) You can't exactly pinpoint why nothing has ever happened despite this mutual attraction, especially given your profession and indifferent feelings toward casual sex.

You can think of a number of probable reasons, which are separate from those you classify as stupid reasons. The latter class comprises silly concerns like a fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being pretty enough, fear of not being good enough, et cetera. All very juvenile feelings—insecurities that you had in your teenage years, the days in which Suo ran around Makochi as a delinquent while you worked an honest job at a bar. (It was a girls’ bar in the red light district, but that's neither here nor there.) Your circumstances have since changed, and those anxieties have since faded. None of them have any material consequence for your current life, so you don't see any point in thinking about them.

The stupid reasons, then, definitely don't have anything to do with why you've never fucked Suo. But you can think of a few, more concrete reasons that may explain it. For one, Suo has been your friend since childhood and it’s generally a bad idea to have sex with your long-time friends. He was also your roommate for a while and it’s an even messier idea to have sex with your roommates. And now, in your adulthood, he’s your landlord in addition to being your boss, which makes him the worst possible person you could have sex with. You could lose both your home and your livelihood if things go south—both severe, material consequences that should theoretically keep your lust at bay.

Also, he's also a member of the yakuza.

Now, strictly speaking—you're not really opposed to having sex with violent criminals. It’s definitely not a good idea, but you don't usually have good ideas anyway. But for the past several years, you’ve been pissed at Suo for joining the yakuza in the first place, which actually does keep your blatant attraction to him in check. You simply dry up when you think too hard about all the feelings of betrayal.

When Suo was on the cusp of graduating from Furin and thinking about his future, you’d grabbed him by the collar and made him promise not to join the yakuza. They constantly tried to recruit from Bofurin, and they especially wanted Sakura, Suo, and Sugishita. You were adamant about chasing them off from Suo and Sakura whenever they approached—you had no need to worry about Sugishita, as Umemiya had already said he shouldn't talk to them, so there was no chance he was going to—and you begged Suo over and over not to join. Delinquency was fine, but a crime syndicate was something else altogether.

Suo seemed serious about it when he said he'd listen to you. He even applied to colleges, talked about maybe becoming a teacher and eventually supporting you so you could stop working in the mizu shobai industry. Back then, he often teased you by saying that you should marry him and be his housewife (or he could be your trophy husband, if you so wished). You thought he was joking, but with the way he always talked about his life after his degree, you wondered if he would seriously suggest it.

Of course, it was most likely just teasing, and you were fine with that. You were simply excited that he'd found a career that would make him happy. Nirei had also been accepted to university at that point, and even Sakura had an honest job lined up on Keisei Street. The future had looked bright for everyone.

Then Suo’s master died, and he lost his fucking mind.

The two of you buried Suo’s master in a Chinese funeral. He had never had children of his own, having satisfied his paternal instincts by picking up strays, and he didn't have much in the way of family in Japan either, so you and Suo performed the shou ling yourselves. One person kept a constant vigil over his body while the other searched on Google for what arrangements should be made next. After all, while Suo’s master had immersed his foremost disciple in his culture, he had never taught Suo any funerary customs. He hadn't thought there would be a need.

Suo didn't cry nearly as much as you, but he was probably in more pain. Your master had trained you a little bit when you were a kid, and he'd taken you in for a while after your parents kicked you out, so of course you were gutted. But he had practically raised Suo, so it was naturally worse for him. More shattering.

You often think about the first night you decided you'd sleep with him in the same futon because he was crying so much. He insisted he was fine, but he didn't complain when you got under the sheets with him and started thumbing away his tears. When you took off his eyepatch, you found, to your astonishment, that he was crying from his missing eye as well. Both of you thought the tear ducts had been destroyed in either the accident or the enucleation, but it appeared that not even that prior trauma could mask his grief over this one.

Nevertheless, by the time of the funeral procession, Suo had stopped crying.

“Master supported us and taught us to stand on our own two feet,” he said as the joss paper burned. He took your hand in his and smiled. “So it'll be fine. We’ll be okay on our own. I'll make sure of it.”

At the time, you had found this very comforting. You didn’t think too much of it, as you had a bad habit of relying on Suo for your emotional stability. His master had raised him to be an emotionally intelligent person, so it had been fine, even though you had a track record of reckless decisions. He’d still exercised endless patience with you. He never once got angry with you, nor did he ever force you to do what he felt was the right thing. Instead, he gently redirected your self-damaging behaviours—not so different from the martial art that he practised.

He disapproved of the run-down and lonely conditions of your apartment, so he spent a great deal of time there and helped make it into a proper home. He didn't like how dangerous your job at the girls’ bar was, so he walked you to and from work every night until you never left without him. He worried when you started having sex with your customers, especially when you began having nervous breakdowns over it (you were, after all, still a teenager and really only interested in having romantic vanilla sex with Suo), so he staged an intervention with Nirei and Sakura. In this way, Suo convinced you that you were loved and protected and didn't need to do something you hated so much. They would get you out if you felt trapped. And you didn't feel trapped, per se, so you left on your own—but it was still only because of them. You promised them afterwards that you'd never do it again.

This was Suo’s brand of kindness as a teenager. He always taught people, guided them away from harm rather than steering them—a behaviour he’d mimicked from your master. Your master, in general, had defined all of Suo’s values and his way of living, which was honest and gentle and conscientious. It was one where he used his abilities to protect the weak and care for his friends. He even kept his spiteful and alarmingly violent tendencies under control, though sometimes he slipped when fighting genuine assholes. But he still tried. He tried because he strived to be as kind as his master—who represented everything that Suo wanted to be in his adult life.

Thus, the death of Suo’s master meant the death of his principles. It changed the kind of man that Suo wanted to be. You don't want to say that he became a worse person, but he absolutely became a worse person.

He especially became a worse person with you.

As it turned out, Suo’s idea of making sure that the two of you would be fine on your own was, well, not really fine. It wasn’t that he became cruel to you, per se. It was more that whenever he saw a problem with your behaviour, his approaches to redirecting it became—put as nicely as possible—heavy-handed.

After your master’s death, you got a job at a high end, yakuza-owned club. Two weeks later, Suo broke his promise to you and joined the yakuza. So I can stay close to you, he explained gently, wiping away your tears as you cried hysterically, but you're convinced to this day that he did it partly out of spite. So a few years later, when you started having sex with your customers again and he tried to stop you, you decided to spite him back. I need to stay on top of the rankings, you'd explained dispassionately. The mamasan said it's fine, and the manager doesn't care. He even thinks it's good for business.

Suo’s response was to simply become the owner of your club.

This move was very extreme, but also very effective. Any customer who so much as brushed against you on the premises was instantly thrown out, and the mamasan started watching you like a hawk to make sure you weren’t going to any love hotels after work. Douhan were off-limits. For the first time since your teens, you became completely celibate—not only because of your new workplace circumstances, but because you simply didn't want to find out what Suo would do if you got together with a man he despised (and he despised every man you dated).

His most absurd play was when he became concerned about your living conditions again. Your latest apartment was too plain, too small, and the area was too dangerous. It didn't even have a shower, and the other tenants behaved concerningly toward you when you went to the bathhouse at night. But the rent was cheap, and it was still an upgrade from your last place, so you shrugged it off when Suo suggested that you move. Even when someone tried to accost you at night, you were nonchalant about it. You kicked the shit out of them in a fight and continued your routine unbothered.

The next month, Suo bought a luxury penthouse and suggested you move in with him.

His offer (command) came with conditions. One of the bigger ones was that you'd let him accompany you out at night if you ever needed to run errands in dangerous places. Or—nevermind, actually. He should really just accompany you everywhere at night. Maybe during the day too. And—ah, there was no way you'd be going to work alone, nor coming back by yourself—you were now always to be driven by someone in his organisation, if he wasn't available himself. Rent was a point of contention, when you asked about it: you wanted to pay at market rate, and he insisted that there was no need to pay at all. He ended up proposing a highly discounted price, which would give you ample financial freedom, but questionable financial independence.

These were insane terms. You knew that if you agreed, you'd be setting yourself up for a life without autonomy. You also knew that these behaviours were all signs that Suo desperately needed therapy to process his master’s untimely death. Living with a man in constant grief, who refused to talk about his trauma unless he was making up a lie related to the nation of China, was probably not a good idea. Doubly so when this man was clearly paranoid about losing you, and triply so when he was a high-ranking member of a violent syndicate. Case in point—he was likely connected to the brutal accident that later befell the man who tried to assault you.

“I'm not sure what you're implying, but at least he didn't die,” Suo said cheerfully when you confronted him about it. Which really meant: At least I decided not to kill him. This was a flag bigger and redder than any other you've ever known, and you consider yourself an expert in red flags. You knew you should run in the other direction.

So naturally, you put your arms around him, tenderly said, I'm sorry I've been worrying you, and then you moved in the next day.

While Suo treats you with endless patience, you have personal limits to the patience that you exercise with him. Specifically, your patience with how he treats you.

You don't mind the lack of social freedom, nor the lack of personal freedom, nor the lack of freedom of movement. You also don't mind living with a man full of intractable trauma surrounding the death of every parental figure in his life; in fact, you'd rather be by his side than not, if he needs to cope with something so painful. And anyway, your friendship is otherwise unchanged if you ignore the heavy restrictions he's imposed on every facet of your life. So that's all fine.

But the celibate lifestyle that he's cornered you into? You simply aren't built for it. Holy shit, do you need to get laid.

Nearly two years without sex has brought you close to another nervous breakdown (there have been few better sources of entertainment or validation in your life), and worst of all, it has made your profound lust for Suo incredibly hard to ignore. Waking up every morning to him in a towel, his hair still wet from the shower and his broad silhouette exposed, tests the absolute limits of your self-control. The contours of his lean and muscled form are distracting enough; coupled with the vivid colours and lines of his irezumi, the sight of him becomes maddening. It is a horrible thing to be exposed to when you haven't gotten any dick nor strap in over a year. It gives you thoughts about him that are overtly sexual, which is bad, as you have materially consequential reasons for not wanting to fuck Suo.

Things with him must absolutely stay platonic. But with sexual frustration like yours, being platonic with him means that you need to get erotic with someone else. A boyfriend or girlfriend is out of the question; you don't want to be responsible for yet another brutal accident. So you instead decide to quit your job at his club and start working on Keisei Street. At least this way, you can start fucking your customers again.

It’s a perfect plan. Suo’s oyabun is very indulgent toward him, and everyone else in the family respects him too. He consequently has a tight grip on his organisation and the territory they control, despite his relatively young age. Not a single person is ever to touch Keisei Street—largely because Sakura is part of Roppo-Ichiza, and Suo is nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. Plus, many of his other fellow Furin alumni are in the gang as well. If Suo’s men ever started fucking with people on Keisei Street, it would not only have grave implications for gang relations—it would be personally upsetting for Suo. This means you can fuck all the Keisei Street customers you want, and not get a single one of them threatened or killed.

A pretty brilliant idea, if you do say so yourself.

Suo’s expression doesn't change when you break the news to him. He delicately places his teacup—custom-made from Yixing, just like the matching clay teapot—down on the mahogany tabletop, and he looks at you with a calm smile.

“Come again?”

“I'm quitting my job at Red Dragon,” you repeat. “I already gave the mamasan my resignation.”

“And she accepted it?” Suo asks, in a tone that is so carefully nonchalant that you know it means he is actually furious with her. “How interesting,” he muses. “What brought this on?”

“I've found a better paying opportunity on Keisei Street.”

“I'll give you a raise,” he says easily.

“A raise?” You cock a brow. “The pay is mostly commission-based at Red Dragon. You know that.”

“Then it would be unwise to leave. You have a loyal customer base at Red Dragon. All very rich, and”—his smile grows sharp—“very polite.”

Polite. An interesting word. It actually means: None of them will ever proposition or harass you because they know they'll be maimed if they do. An easy thought to use to your advantage.

“It's loyal but it's small. Everyone who's anyone in this part of town thinks that we’re married. Do you know how hard it is to pull new customers in when they're scared shitless of my yakuza husband? And anyway”—you frown, trying to look as pathetic as possible—“I'm lonely.”

Suo stares. He looks surprised, possibly because you absorb every minute of his free time with silly conversation, new restaurants, and skiing trips. (He likes snow, so you ask for these trips more for him to relax than anything else.) You also text him frequently on days he's working, and he very diligently replies, even if he's in the middle of something like a raid or a hit or brokering a massive deal. Suo still very strictly keeps to his rule of never touching his phone when in conversation with other people—unless he needs to text you.

So his suspicion is fair. Suo is very attentive and doesn't allow you much opportunity for loneliness. In turn, you’ve always been very happy spending time with him, even when it's only him.

“Lonely?” he repeats. “Are you, now?”

“Yes. You work so much,” you complain, which is not a lie, “and I don't have any friends to spend time with when you're gone.”

“You have friends from work.”

“No, I have competition at work. The hostesses are so cutthroat about rankings, they hate me. And each other.”

“You like Shuuhei and Hanzo,” he points out, referring to his men who most frequently chauffeur you.

“Yeah, they're friendly, and they're very funny. I like them, but I can't be their friend.” Suo stares at you, nonplussed, so you spell it out: “They're too scared of you to get close to me. What if it looks like they're trying to fuck the boss’ wife?”

“Hm…” Suo studies you, looking thoughtful. Perhaps for the first time, he's contemplating the consequences of restricting your freedoms and marking you as his. That is to say—maybe he's finally realising that you have no friends and no life.

The beads of his earrings glimmer as he tilts his head at you and frowns. Suo almost looks innocent with that confused face of his. “And how would working on Keisei Street help?” he asks.

“Because all our old friends are there!” you exclaim. “Sakura’s in Roppo-Ichiza now so he’ll definitely be coming by all the clubs. Tsubaki too. And Nirei and Kiryu visit them quite often—and even Tsugeura does sometimes, even though clubbing isn't one of his virtues.” You grab onto his arm, pull yourself close, and give him your most disarming, pleading expression. “Please, Suo?”

“Hm.” He strokes your cheek and looks at you fondly, in the way that one would do with an adorable and slightly annoying kitten. “I don’t think so. It’s not very safe there.”

He isn't wrong. Not only are you untouchable on his turf because of your association to him, Suo has also just crushed all the han-gure and petty criminals in his territory with brutal efficiency. His part of the red light district is, quite ironically, one of the safest places in the city, and certainly safer than Keisei Street.

But undeterred, you point out, “Shuuhei and Hanzo can still drive me there and back if you want. But I don't think it's necessary. Do you really think Sakura would let anything happen to me?”

This is the true brilliance of your plan: capitalising on the fact that Suo is as nearly as weird about Sakura as he is about you. He pauses as soon as you bring up the point, and you can practically see the gears turning. “Well, if it's him…”

“I even texted him about it. Look—here!” You whip out your phone, receipts ready. The corner of Suo's mouth lifts at your obviously rehearsed pitch. “He says he'd make sure I'm taken care of. And he says it'd be nice because he misses seeing us. Can you believe it—Sakura actually admitted that he misses us! Typed it with his own two hands and pressed send! I bet he was super embarrassed about it.”

“Huh. He even used a sticker. I've never seen him do that.” Suo smiles as he reads through the chat. He looks like his old self. You suddenly feel a little wistful, and also a lot bad. This started as a ploy to get laid, but it’s made you realise that you really do miss your friends—and Suo probably does too.

“If I worked on Keisei Street, then you would have plenty of reason to visit,” you point out, feeling somewhat tender.

“I guess that's true,” Suo says. Your heart aches a little bit at the look he gives you. It's a platonic ache, of course. Or at the very least, it isn't an erotic one. It doesn't really make you want to have sex with him anyway. But if you could lean forward and press your lips to his—platonically—then you definitely would.

Suo's civilian friendships are complicated by his double life. Quite unusually for yakuza, Suo’s syndicate insists on using pseudonyms and false histories to avoid anti-yakuza laws, on the off-chance that the police decide to do their jobs and actually enforce those laws someday. Lying for comedy is one of Suo’s greatest passions, so he was happy to manufacture an absurd backstory: his name is Yanzhao, and he learned kung fu in a Shaolin Temple before moving to Hong Kong and working for the triads. He wears the eyepatch because he lost his eye in an altercation with the cops, which he won. By the way, you're his criminally beautiful wife who he met in Macau. The two of you had to leave for Japan since he killed a police officer and now he's wanted by the governments of both China and Hong Kong. Also, he's a very devoted husband, so if anyone lays a hand on you, he’ll kill them too.

Somehow, everyone has bought into this story. Every criminal organisation in the red light district now fears a high-ranking yakuza known as Yanzhao, who is easily recognizable by his eyepatch and tassel earrings, and who is also homicidally obsessed with his beautiful wife.

In some ways, his infamy is convenient. No one wants to fuck with Suo, or with you by extension. But it also poses some issues: Suo has to keep a low profile in areas controlled by rival organisations, or else he might be ambushed. It also means he cannot easily go out and see his old friends. Even though he always masquerades as a civvie when he does, wearing stud earrings and a glass eye, it's still a little risky—especially since he likes to visit the strongest member of Roppo-Ichiza. While Roppo-Ichiza aren’t yakuza, they're still han-gure, so some of its more criminally entangled members might recognize him anyway.

But Sakura himself, bless him, has not put two and two together and figured out that Suo Hayato and Gui Yanzhao are the same person. This is partly because Suo lies very convincingly about his fictional career in the tea industry, but you think it's also because Sakura is so gullible it's endearing.

I use the glass eye now because it's better for networking, Suo had explained before Sakura could interrogate him too much, his voice too smooth and too quick for the other man to get in a word edgewise. My business partners find the eyepatch too silly. The tassel earrings too. By the way, would you like some Baimudan tea? I thought of you when I smelled it—I know you like fragrant things—so I picked some up for you on my last visit to China. I was there for business a couple of weeks ago.

He, of course, neglected to mention that said business involved meeting with the 14K triad.

Despite the enormity of Suo's omission (lie), Sakura is none the wiser whenever he meets with you. He thinks you're just a regular hostess who has freedom of movement and various other human rights, and that Suo’s just a regular guy who isn’t homicidally obsessed with you (a detail of Suo's fabricated life story that is unfortunately grounded in reality). All this to say, Sakura doesn't think twice about mentioning the fact that you have a routine of going to love hotels after work.

Suo, as always, remains calm in the face of unsettling information. He sets down his tea (just tea, without shochu), and politely says, “Pardon?” He's once again using the nonchalant kind of tone that suggests mortal danger.

“She's always going to love hotels after her shifts.” Sakura is frowning at you, pink but scowling. “I thought you said you were done with that stuff. You promised us you wouldn't do it anymore. Suo—are you really okay with this?”

On the one hand, you find it exceptionally sweet that Sakura, after all this time, remembers your promise and wishes to hold you to it. He was so worried about you when you started having those nervous breakdowns as a teenager, and he probably still is. On the other hand, you're shitting bricks at the fact that Suo is now aware of your activities. Because sure, he likely won't fuck with Keisei Street—but you realise, as he stares at you, that you can't be certain of this. After all, your fake yakuza husband has very real homicidal urges.

“Um,” you say. “It's just business.”

“Business,” Suo repeats.

“You don't have to do that stuff to keep good business,” Sakura grouses, unaware of Suo’s carefully suppressed rage. “You're real popular already.”

“Are you?” Suo asks, looking right at you.

“I mean—I told you the pay would be better, right?” you reply, voice oddly high and nervous, and this is when Sakura notices that something is wrong.

“Oh,” Sakura says, looking between the two of you. “Suo, you didn't know?”

“I didn't,” he says. “Actually, she told me specifically that she wasn't going to do that if she worked here.” He turns to you, still smiling. “That's the only reason why I allowed this at all, remember?”

A chill travels down your spine. You did, in fact, commit to a perpetually sexless lifestyle in order to be granted some semblance of freedom: Of course I won't sleep with any customers, you'd said. You know I don't really like doing that anyway. I promise I'll behave! I’ll be out of the clubs and right back home. Sakura said he’d make sure I’ll get to a cab safely after the bar closes and everything!

“Um,” you say again, but this time you have no follow-up.

“Wait,” Sakura demands, “what do you mean by ‘allowed her’? What, do you need to give her permission to work now or something?”

Suo smiles disarmingly at Sakura. Without missing a beat, he says, “Generally no. But we’re dating now, which complicates what she’s allowed to do with other men at her job.”

Sakura spits out his drink. You choke on your spit.

“I… um?!” Sakura’s staring at you, so you quickly recover. This is a mortifying lie, but it's better than Sakura finding out just how batshit Suo has become since his school days. “I thought we were going to keep that a secret, dear?”

“Ah, you're right. Sorry, I got too excited.” Suo gives you an endeared look before turning to Sakura. “We were going to keep it to ourselves unless we got serious about it. But we've been talking about marriage lately, so I thought it was fine to mention.”

“...”

You’re going to have an aneurysm. Why does every cover that Suo comes up with involve a marital relationship between the two of you?!

“Oh… holy shit.” Sakura’s expression is complicated—somehow, more complicated than yours, even though you’re the one getting cornered into a fake engagement. It's unbelievable how shy he still is about this kind of thing. Maybe it’s just particularly embarrassing since he's known you two for so long, you reason. Regardless, he remembers his social cues enough to say, “Congrats, guys. That's great. That's really great.”

Suo gazes fondly at you across the table. “We were thinking you could be our best man,” he adds, and you consider violently kicking his leg.

“O-oh. Uh, yeah! Sure! But what about Nirei?”

“Rather than having a maid of honour,” you say reflexively, used to lying through your teeth for Suo, “we’d like him to be our best man as well.”

“Oh. That makes sense.” Thrown off guard, Sakura completely forgets about the love hotel business. He whips out his phone. “When were you thinking of having your wedding? I'll put it in my calendar.”

“I’m not sure.” Suo turns to you. “What were we thinking again, dear?”

You're going to die. You're going to die and it's a good thing because if you survive this embarrassment, your future will be bleak. As soon as Nirei finds out about this, he’ll want to start helping you with wedding planning, and then it would just be too awkward to cancel things. You’ll have to enter a fake marriage with Suo, which will be completely sexless, because even with a vow of everlasting love, there are still too many concrete and materially consequential reasons for not sleeping with him.

Condemning yourself to a lifetime of sexual frustration, you reply, “I think we were talking about a summer wedding.”

The drive home is awkward.

Hanzo and Shuuhei pick the two of you up. Suo mentioned that he wanted to talk to you and you alone, so they bring the Rolls Royce with the privacy suite. The two of them are entirely cut off from you thanks to the soundproofing, which traps you with Suo, who’s drinking a bottle of oolong tea as the two of you sit in complete silence. You think he's waiting for you to squirm—which you do.

You stay like that for five, agonising minutes before Suo finally says, “So you're sleeping with your customers.”

You swallow. “Yes.”

“For business?”

“Yes.”

“How much do you make?”

You blink. “Huh?”

“How much do you get paid for a single night of work, including gifts that your customers give you in exchange for sleeping with them?”

You're halfway through citing your earnings when you realise where he's going with this.

“So you make less than you did at Red Dragon,” Suo concludes, “and you're very smart with your money, so I know you know that, and you probably went into this knowing that you'd end up at a net loss.” He turns to you, gives you a look so sharp that it almost scares you. All made worse by his civilian disguise, which makes him feel unfamiliar. His glass eye shines strangely in the light, and his scar tissue is hidden by the makeup you helped apply. You wish he'd taken it all off before having this conversation.

“So,” he says, “what’s the real reason you changed jobs?”

Already knowing that he’ll figure you out sooner or later, you admit, “I just wanted to start having sex again.”

Suo blinks. “You… what?”

“I wanted to have sex with people,” you repeat. “I hadn't been touched for nearly two years, okay? I needed to get laid or else I'd go insane.” You cross your arms and look away, suddenly feeling petulant. “I'm sure you've noticed that our arrangement makes it impossible for me to see people.”

He doesn't answer, because of course he's noticed. He’d designed his house rules with precisely this intent. If he accompanies you everywhere you go, then you can't exactly go on dates, and you definitely can't meet people for sex. Not unless you feel like having Suo watch as some anonymous guy fucks you, and you don't. As hot as the idea is, it’s definitely not platonic behaviour, and it would probably trigger the whole homicidal obsession thing.

“Do you like it?” Suo asks, startling you. You look at him, confused.

“What?”

“Do you enjoy having sex with your customers?” he asks. His voice and gaze are even. Unrelenting. “Does it make you happy?”

You stare at him, a deer caught in headlights. You didn't expect Suo to actually care about whether you enjoyed it or not, and you didn't really expect to care yourself either. But truthfully, you hated it. You simply weren't feeling it with most of your customers and avoided intercourse with all but one. Then in that one case you let someone earnestly fuck you, it was a complete letdown. Possibly the worst sex you'd ever had. You spent the whole time watching the clock, wondering how long it would take, and it turned out that your hookup had remarkable stamina but absolutely no technique. To pass the time, and in an attempt to feel something, you tried to imagine it was someone else who was inside you. You cycled through a whole list of people, including all of your exes, a few of your past customers, every single member of BTS, and then—finally, inevitably—your long-time friend, roommate, and landlord.

To your complete horror, when you imagined that it was Suo who had you folded in half, his cock so deep inside you that you could feel it in your throat, you came so hard that you drenched the sheets.

You lay there afterward as your customer showered, alone in the bed. Normally you'd be getting dressed at that point, but you were too distracted. You kept thinking about what it would feel like to be held by Suo after having your guts rearranged by him—embraced tenderly like you know he would do with you, kissing him platonically like you've always wanted to do with him—and you realised that you didn’t actually want to have sex with anyone else. Despite all your life experience, sexual experience, and job experience—in that moment, you felt like a lonely nineteen year old girl who wanted nothing more than to have romantic, vanilla sex with her best friend, but who was instead having impersonal, disappointing sex with various salarymen.

This was a feeling so disgusting that you’ve decided to never tell anyone at any cost.

“Yeah, it's fine. I guess I like it.” You pretend to study your nails. “Sometimes I cum, which is all I really want.”

Suo keeps staring at you. “That’s it?” he asks, voice measured and careful. You raise a brow, playing dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“That's all you want? Just to get off?”

You gaze out the window, trying not to look at his lips.

“Yes, that's all.”

No matter how batshit Suo gets, he always maintains a certain kindness and maturity in how he handles conflict with you. It's a lesson that he learned from his master, which has perhaps been distorted over time, but remains important to him nevertheless.

If you do something upsetting, Suo is never forceful about getting you to act differently. Sure, he has fucked up ways of either getting you to behave or making you understand the consequences of your actions, and perhaps he has his manipulative moments. It was probably not a good thing that he coaxed you into indefinite house arrest, for instance. But he never threatens you, and he never hits you, and he never disrespects you. In fact, more than anything, he makes it a point to never let you feel like you aren't loved.

So when Suo abandons you after that conversation in the Rolls Royce, you lose your fucking mind.

Suo doesn’t come home in the days following that evening, without any note nor explanation. For the first time in years, he stops replying to your texts. Your immediate thought is that he's been gravely injured or perhaps even killed, which sends you into a panicked spiral. But every one of his men who's come by to check on you has implied otherwise—but I'm not allowed to tell you anything else, anesan, I’m sorry, they all say. And when you realise that Suo is actually fine and he's just playing a fucked up mind game with you, one that makes you feel distinctly unloved, you feel simultaneously heartbroken and apoplectic. The man is not allowed to corner you into de facto imprisonment and then just fucking leave. In fact, if he tries, you might imprison him.

You spend a few days sitting at home and crying over this, as well as torturing yourself by thinking about useless things (fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, et cetera). But eventually, you get tired of wallowing in self-inflicted misery, and you decide to just track your fake husband down. His men have been adamant about not letting you out of their sight—presumably so you don’t fuck any more of your customers, because Suo can be spiteful like that—so you have to be strategic about your plan to find him.

You decide to do it during work. You tap out in the middle of a shift, feigning illness, so nobody bats an eye when you put on the most shapeless hoodie you own and throw on a face mask. Your chauffeurs (handlers) don't notice as you sneak off—and for the first time in years, you walk through the red light district all alone.

It feels strange not to be protected, and even stranger not to be surveilled. You marvel at the unfamiliar experience of complete freedom, and at the possibility of being able to run off and disappear if you so wished. But you don't, of course. Not only do you care too deeply for Suo to abandon him, you're also pretty sure he has your driver’s licence and ID card locked up somewhere. At least you haven't been able to find them, and Suo was oddly evasive about it when you asked. (I haven't seen them, he'd said, but I don't think you’d need either of those things immediately, anyway, do you? And you nodded in response, because it was true that you liked being his passenger princess too much to care about your licence.)

So rather than bolting for the subway, you head straight to your old workplace. The gleaming doors of Red Dragon welcome you as you cross its threshold, and you're greeted immediately by the scent of luxury colognes and expensive cigars—both evoking a strange nostalgia in you. Even the click of your heels against the marble floor feels familiar. You realise that you've missed the place despite its cutthroat culture and its owner’s authoritarian control over you, which you suppose isn't surprising. This club was more or less your home for years and, thanks to said owner, was the safest place you've ever worked.

And being that you feel you've returned to your very safe home, you don't expect it when you're abruptly stopped by the bouncer.

“Can I help you?” he asks, his arm in your way. You don't recognize him, but you see the edges of his irezumi peeking out from the rolled-up cuffs of his shirt.

“Yeah, actually,” you say. “I'm looking for Gui Yanzhao. Is he here right now?”

The bouncer—or chinpira, you guess—bristles.

“You're looking for who?”

“Yanzhao?” you say impatiently. “Eyepatch, tassel earrings? Owner of the club? Probably your boss?”

The bouncer steps forward and reaches for something in his pocket, which makes you suddenly nervous, and also makes you realise that in a hoodie and a face mask, you ordinarily wouldn't be allowed in this club, let alone into the room of its yakuza owner. You're so used to VIP treatment here that you simply forgot.

You take a step back. “Um. I think there's been a misunderstanding.” You lower your face mask, which doesn't help as you've never met this man, and he must be new. You’ll need to complain to Suo about his onboarding process later, if you aren't killed before you can find him.

It turns out that this yakuza rookie has a knife in his pocket, which is not the worst thing he could have been carrying, but is also not the best. You're getting ready to run in the other direction when a more senior member of the gang comes by. He gives you a startled look, which then turns alarmed when he sees his younger brother’s knife.

“Anesan!” he yells hurriedly, and he snatches the chinpira’s knife straight from his hand. His lunge for the weapon turns into a hurried bow. He pulls his colleague—whose face has turned very white in a very short amount of time—into an even deeper one. They look on the verge of prostrating.

“Oh, Yamashita. Hi! Is this guy new?”

“Yes! My sincerest apologies for my younger brother’s idiocy, and his insolence in raising a weapon at you.” There's a sheen of sweat on the back of his neck. “If you would like him to atone, then he would be more than happy to—”

“No, that's fine. I'd really like him to keep all his fingers.” If you have to see a rookie cut off his pinkie today, you think you might actually change your mind on running away. Fuck your documents—Suo can keep them. Surely life without proof of identity can't be that hard. “By the way,” you say, trying to change the topic before Yamashita can suggest alternative acts of atonement, “have you seen my husband?”

Yamashita hesitates at your question, looks conflicted. You feel a little bad for him, and for every other gang member who needs to worry about accidentally offending Suo. You watch him sweat for a full ten seconds before he says, “You can follow me. But anesan, you might find it unpleasant upstairs. I can find someone to drive you home instead, if you'd like.”

You give him a funny look. This was your workplace for a very long time—you can’t think of many things that would happen here that might seriously upset you. “What, is he cheating on me?” you guess.

“What? No! Aniki would never!” Yamashita seems genuinely shocked at the suggestion. “He's crazy about you!”

“Then I'm sure he’ll be happy to see me,” you say, although given that he's ignored your texts for four days straight, you aren't so sure. Regardless, this seems to be good enough reasoning for Yamashita, and you’re taken to the top floor of Red Dragon. You ponder the whole time, on the elevator ride up, just what exactly Suo’s been up to that's made Yamashita this nervous about letting you see him.

Then the door opens, and you’re given your answer in the form of several body bags—all cleanly zipped up and conscientiously laid out in front of the elevators in a single, neat row. A sight that is significantly worse than a rookie cutting off his pinkie finger.

“Oh,” you say faintly. You try not to throw up. “So this is why he hasn't been home.”

“Exactly!” Yamashita replies, beaming. “See, anesan, I told you. He'd never cheat on you!”

Suo is in the lounge of the top floor, which has been cleared of both civilians and corpses for the night. He's sitting on one of the couches, leaning back with his one eye closed, as if asleep. The golden tassels of his earrings are draped over the expensive leather of his seat, intertwined with his dark hair. A cup of tea sits in front of him, steaming. Even this far away, you recognize it by the scent alone: jasmine, probably from Longjing. One of the most expensive blends he has, and that which he saves for days he’s stressed, though he never admits it when he is.

The sight of him would almost look tranquil, except for all the blood on his knuckles and his cuffs.

Off to the side, two of his younger brothers are chatting away. One is pouring cups of some doubtlessly expensive liquor, and the other is smoking a cigar. There's karaage on the table too. You recognize all of this as part of a ritual that some of the guys like to do after a hit or a shootout, not dissimilar to getting ramen or McDonald’s after going to a club.

You catch a bit of their conversation as you approach. One of them holds up the liquor bottle (Isojiman sake, you now recognise from your girls’ bar days, one of the rarer bottles costing around nine million yen) and asks Suo if he wants to join. “No thanks,” he says predictably, “I'm on a diet.” Then he turns and looks right at you—startling you, because you had thought you were being fairly quiet—and gives you a smile so genuine that it reminds you of his Furin days. “Would my beautiful wife like to drink for me, though?”

“No thanks,” you reply, “but your beautiful wife would like to talk to you.”

The two guys clear out to give you some privacy. You’re left alone with Suo, feeling awkward after several days of resenting him for no reason. (You’d rather die than go to therapy, but the whole fear of abandonment thing is probably something you should start addressing.) You don't even know where you want to sit. Eventually, you settle for placing yourself next to him, which is a decision that Suo quickly overturns by pulling you into his lap.

A flutter erupts in your stomach as he settles you on top of him. This physiological reaction is absurd, as not even ten minutes ago, you were trying not to throw up at the line of corpses in front of the elevator. It should also scare you somewhat that Suo’s hands—delicately adjusting your body—are still covered in blood. But truthfully, you can't help but be happy when he makes you feel so loved.

You take one of the napkins on the table and start wiping at his knuckles. Tenderly, in case they're bruised or skinned.

“You didn't call or come home,” you start.

“I thought it would be too dangerous.”

You frown, thinking of all the bodies outside. “Was this a rival organisation?”

“No. They were ours.” He sighs. “A succession conflict. There are a few people who don't like how I'll run things if I take over.”

You nod. Suo is very old-fashioned in his ideals about the yakuza, which you think is an imprint of his master’s influence, and something that appeals to his current ‘father’. He values chivalry. He likes protecting the weak. His filial devotion to his deceased master has now extended to every member of his yakuza family, especially his oyassan. He’s almost certainly the top candidate for taking over after the oyabun dies, but being that part of his old-fashioned principles excludes lucrative projects such as sex trafficking, you suppose it’s natural that some people in his organisation would prefer him dead rather than in charge.

“You’ve never ghosted me during violent conflicts before though,” you say. “I was worried that something happened to you. Or that you were upset with me.”

Suo’s hand drops to your waist, pulling you a little closer.

“They knew where we live. They tried to get to you, you know.” Your eyes widen in alarm, so he cups your face with a palm. His thumb glides along your cheek, and your response is almost Pavlovian: your heart rate immediately slows at the comfort of his touch. “It’s fine. They won't bother you ever again.” The cheerful smile returns. “And if anyone else ever does, I'll handle them too.”

Your heart swells. Enthusiastic pledges of murder are not a healthy sign of affection, but after so much loneliness—whether from the past several days, or the years before that, you aren't sure—you can't find it in yourself to be disturbed. You feel and sound painfully fond when you reply, “I know.”

Suo’s expression dims a little then. “I thought you'd like the space anyway.”

“What?” You give him a confused look. You have never once given him any indication that you want even an inch of space from him. You'd crawl into his ribcage if you could. “Why would you think that?”

“I thought you felt suffocated. You left my club just so you could have sex with other people.” You blink, lingering on his wording. Other people. He continues before you can ask about it, sighing, “You didn't even ask me who I'd give permission to touch you. You just went ahead and decided on your own.”

“...”

You try not to look disturbed. Suo’s apparent wish to control your sexual decisions is news to you, and somehow more alarming than the murder pledge. And even worse—you immediately clench in response to his words. The thought of Suo dictating who does and doesn't get to touch your cunt is… well, your mind is heading in a distinctly non-platonic direction.

Trying to ignore the heat in between your thighs (but at the same time encouraging it), you ask: “Who would you have been, um, okay with touching me?”

“Sakura or Nirei,” he says immediately. “Though only Sakura would be interested.”

“What.” You gape at him, all arousal forgotten. “Bullshit. He would never.”

“Yes, he would.” Suo tilts his head. “Haven't you noticed?”

“I don't think there's anything to notice? And also—he’s so shy, I don't think he'd ever agree even if he were interested!” You give him a bewildered look. “He couldn't even look at us when we said we were getting married, he was so embarrassed!”

“Embarrassed?” Suo stares at you, an amused glint in his eye. “Is that what you thought was going on?”

“Was there anything else?”

He studies you for a moment, clearly entertained but not explaining why. “Well—it’s fine,” he says. “It doesn't matter for now. Especially since he's helping us plan a wedding and all.”

You make a face. “I still can't believe that's the cover you went for.”

“Are you upset with it?” he asks smoothly, and you huff and say yes, but from his sly look, you think he knows it's a lie.

Naturally, you deflect before he can further interrogate you. “So, given that you are now my fiancé, am I no longer allowed to work on Keisei Street and see customers after my shifts?”

You don’t expect it when Suo says, “No, you can.”

You stare. “What?”

“You can keep seeing customers if you'd like. You said it makes you happy, so why would I stop you?” Suo’s brow furrows, his usual calm replaced with concern. “Do you really think I do the things I do to make you miserable?”

Guilt gnaws at your heart. He looks so disappointed. “No,” you tell him. “I just thought it'd make you miserable that I was sleeping with people without your permission.” It is partly why you hid it from him in the first place, after all. You don't like to see him sad—you’re still haunted by the deep grief he was in, after your master died—and also, his misery tends to bring bodily harm to other people these days.

Cognizant of both concerns, you ask, “You’re really okay with me sleeping with my customers? I can stop, if you want.”

“No, it’s fine. I still don't like it, but you can continue for now if you want.”

Suo’s mouth curls—not in a gentle way, as has been his expression since seeing you walk in, but in a way that sets off your flight or fight response.

“I'm sure we’ll reach a mutual understanding soon enough.”

END PART 1

thank you genuinely if you read all that because this is a deranged au and I still can't believe I wrote it sldfkjsldfkj. please do let me know if you enjoyed my yandere suo delusions. sorry there was no smut in this chapter. I promise there is a ton in the next one (probably too much... lol. it's a 10k chapter and literally half of those words are about orgasm denial sldfkjalskdjdf). it's completely written and I hope to edit and have it up by next week!

also here is glossary of terms and world building notes if you are interested!

tagging @kweenkatsuki-fics !! <3

#ALSO UR TAGS PLEASE U ARE SO SWEET...#i am honestly floored u think so highly of my writing and me as a person LMFAOFMSJ not only bc i think i am silly #but because YOU are so talented at writing n i love seeing u on the dash n in my notifs too ! 🥺#genuinely it feels amazing that u like my fic so much uwagdkhdskd #THANK U AGAIN!!!!#♥️💞💗❣️💝❤️‍🔥♥️💕#srb

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coralsweep · 4 years ago

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fic rec list nobody asked for 1/5

I applied a bunch of filters on my bookmarks on AO3 and picked some out. There’s a few different fandoms on here, and the next fic rec lists will have different fandoms as well, because I’ve read for so many lol. I haven’t included all the tags or anything, though, so please read those and take care :)

BNHA

putting in the hard work now by pvwork - 500 words, Midoriya Body Horror

Your body is at once a prison and a spaceship. It'll take you far, but you can't ever leave.

of weight by Anonymous - 300 words, Midoriya-centric

You think about giving up, sometimes.

always by valdera - 1.1k, Bakugo & Midoriya

Destiny is a piece of shit, Bakugou reminds himself, and so is Deku. Neither of those will get the better of him.

(a study on bakugou katsuki, destiny, deku, and everything that connects the three)

Little Matron by mochacreams - 1k, Momo Character Study

Momo remembers the first time she tried making a matryoshka doll. She remembers the chipping paint and oblong body shape and cracked bottoms. She laughs, looking back, at the ones she’d created without faces and the others that had no heads at all. Practice makes perfect.

Show & Tell by babbeige - 700 words, Hawks Character Study

he's the toy being shown and told, undesirable parts of him hidden and hushed, because the audience wasn't there for his dirty secrets and sad truths. they're there for the golden, the heavy cast of liquid perfection covering his sunspots, jagged scars and sinking into his wounds. bleeding into his blood stream, and turning him golden and pretty inside out.

hes good at following orders, at playing the golden boy trapped in his perfect golden cage. the golden boy craving freedom and needing someone to break open his prison.

but the reality is, the cage door is wide open, gold bars spread far enough for him to slip out, and yet he's staying in his cage like a stupidly loyal pet.

my god, i’m so lonely by Kaleid369 - 2.5k, Hagakure Character Study

Tōru is four years old when her Quirk first manifests. It happens slowly, gradually, and she doesn’t notice until it’s too late.

It starts with her hands.

Hagakure Tōru grows up far too fast.

Graves of the Firefly by Yomi_is_tired - 190 words, poetry

hope has died to-day.

raise your hand to catch the sunlight (clench your fist around the dark) by livtontea - 1.9k, poetry on various characters

A collection of my bnha poems because,, i got back into it lmao

the cities like shimmering novas by Heronfem - 1.9k, Hawks & Amajiki

Suneater and Hawks have an unexpected discussion overlooking Doutonbori canal, making Tamaki reflect on just what kind of hero he wants to be.

like stars into existence by shantealeaves - 4.2k, Momo & Mei

“Is she good?”

Tenya stared at her for a moment. “She’s the best,” he finally said—and it was clear his silence came not from second-guessing the recommendation, but from not understanding how she could ever doubt it.

Pro Heroes Yaoyorozu Momo and Hatsume Mei form an unexpected partnership. Written for the Big Damn Heroes Zine.

Noragami

apotheosis by celestial_nova - 860 words, Hiyori-centric

when zeus gazed upon semele, she burst into flames; for what more is a human, in the face of a god, than predestined ash?

The Half-Life of Recovery by rabbitprint - 7.3k, Takemikazuchi & Kiun

Spoilers for vol. 17, Takemikazuchi backstory. Pre-series.

Even though Takemikazuchi's surviving shinki have not been memorialized by gravestones, they are just as much his victims -- and neither side can forget.

what is reflected by ali_summerset - 1.2k, Kazuma Character Study

"He doesn’t know what to make of Iki Hiyori at first."

Kazuma contemplates his similarities with the half-ayakashi human girl.

oh nostalgia, i don't need you anymore by swanfrost - 5k, Yato Character Study

yato’s shinki always have the tragic habit of quitting on him. and like a coward, he lets them go.

“that’s just proper etiquette,” kofuku says, nodding in approval at yato’s apparent respectability. but every time yato has to face a slobbering ayakashi empty handed, every time he instinctively reaches to call for a name he doesn’t have the right to say anymore —

yato wonders how long it will take for him to become forgotten.

yato, yukine, and the question: what is the duty a god has to his shinki?

DRRR!!

Cuardaigh by odette (thimble) - 700 words, Graphic Depictions of Violence.

You know that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and blood is as red as you are a Dullahan. You ride on a steed blacker than night, your purpose is hidden, somewhere, in your immortal bones, and for the first time you fear everything and revere nothing.

Your name is Celty Sturluson.

But that is all you know.

#bnha #bnha fic #bnha fic rec #noragami #noragami fic rec #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #yaoyorozu momo #bnha hawks #drrr!!#drrr!! fic rec #txt #fic rec

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eme-eleff · 4 years ago

Note

Alsoo who are your top ten favorite fairy tail characters and ships? Talk about them as well.

Okay, ngl, this is SO hard for me but obviously I'm doing.

Fav characters

1. Erza Scarlet

Most badass woman of this anime. One of the best female characters I've seen.

Strong, independent, resolute. I love her.

I will never forget when she fought against the 100 monsters in the GMG arc. I think it's one of my favourites moments of the entire series. In fact, I watched it two days ago. 😂

AMAZING. 🔥

2. Gray Fullbuster

Such a complex character. Gray is the definition of why I love the rival one.

He always wants to protect his nakamas, he's even willing to die to save the ones he loves.

He's so kind and full of love, but he's scared because he doesn't want to loose anyone more. Also his backstory is beautiful and heartbreaking, it's my favourite of all ft characters.

3. Gajeel Redfox

I love this man. He's one of the best representations of bad guy turns good guy because of love.

Gajeel was an ashole, we can't deny that, but even when he was the villain I liked it. He's very charismatic but I think Mashima doesn't give him the protagonism he deserves. I want to see him more!

4. Juvia Lockser

My queen. She's a cutie, she's amazingly powerful (we can't forget this: when she was part of Element Four, she was like a S-Class mage) and hilarious.

When she's on screen you laugh with her, you cry with her, you smile with her. She's a character that always makes you feel intense emotions.

But she needs to get more moments and fights!

LET MY QUEEN SHINE!

5. Jellal Fernandes

The best character written by Mashima. Honestly.

I wish he could forgive himself, but I know he'll do soon and he will accept that his happiness is by Erza's side.

6. Lucy Heartfilia

I think she's a great character and I hate when people say that she's not strong. She is!!! And I really like that she's stronger than in her first appearances.

Lucy has grown so much since she met Natsu and joined Fairy Tail.

One of the most emotive moments in ft was this:

I cried so so much. Her relationship with Aquarius is one of my favs.

7. Mirajane Strauss

Again an incredibly powerful woman. Also kind, affectionate, cute, she cares a lot about her siblings and about the entire guild. She's like a big sister for everyone. 🥰🥰

But Mira is so underrated and so wasted. Please, she needs to appear much more, she is an amazing character.

8. Laxus Dreyar

Another example of bad boy turns good boy but I didn't feel the same with him than with Gajeel.

When Gajeel was an ashole I liked him, but when Laxus was an ashole I hated him. He was an absolutely bitch.

But his character development was amazing. He really shined during the GMG and Tartaros.

9. Rogue Cheney

Pure and soft boy. I want to know more about him. I love how jealous he can get when someone's around Frosch.

Btw, best exceed:

I love this stupid kittie. 😻😻

10. Zeref Dragneel

One of the best villains that exist.

Amazingly well written, tragical backstory, he's like so deep, you know?

Honestly, Mashima is so good writing complex characters.

Fav ships

1. Gruvia

Supreme OTP. You can read the reasons here.

2. Gajevy/Gale

I also have talked about why I like this ship, lol, here you have.

3. Miraxus

I really love Miraxus. I think they're a good example of "opposites are attracted" and I headcanon that they had a sort of relationship when they were teenagers but then they broke up (due to Lisanna's death and Laxus being an ashole lol).

But I think this ship is very underrated and they need to get more love and more content.

4. Nalu

The purest an cutest ship of this anime.

The way Natsu protects and supports Lucy is beautiful.

I feel like both of them have feelings for each other, but Lucy believes Natsu doesn't feel anything for her.

I'd like to see more of these two, but I know they only will be together at the end of ft 100 yq.

5. Jerza

Again, a complex ship. They love each other and they both know.

SO PLEASE BE HAPPY. YOU'RE SO IN LOVE!

I hate that Jellal acts this way, but I think he will be able to recognise that he needs to be with Erza so soon.

I also like Zervis, Elfgreen and Yukino x Sting (idk the ship name lol).

Thank you for asking! 💕💕

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brave-clarice · 4 years ago

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“Clarice” Liveblog: Episodes 5 & 6

Since these are extraordinarily late, I tried to keep them more concise/focused than before. I’m sorry for how long it’s taken me to (almost) catch up. And to the handful of you who’ve enjoyed these and encouraged me to do them: thank you!

Episode 5, “Get Right With God”

the music at the beginning of this episode might just be in the maintenance guy’s headphones(!) but it was still a…Choice.

there’s something so tragic about watching Clarice be unable to use her legs… :’(

this whole scenario feels like a twisted parallel universe version of the end of Hannibal.

glad to see Ardelia finally has her priorities straight and is going to fight for her best friend! let’s forget her Episode 4 subplot ever happened.

good: the warrior finding a weapon even in the direst of circumstances!

bad: those damn moths are back. at least this time they might be drug-induced.

“she worked Bill alone” no, she didn’t. not really. (Hannibal: I’m right here.)

stop trying to make Likable Paul happen, it’s never going to happen!!!

I HATE the “Reesey” nickname, y’all. HATE. IT.

plus, we know that her dad called her “Baby”?

her father’s appearance doubles down on the end-of-Hannibal vibes...Not Sure If Want.

wow, Clarice is being literally tortured? thanks, I hate it!!!

really doubt that Clarice’s Pinto used to belong to her father (who drives a truck in the books??)... weird flex.

and how would she even have gotten it? her mother would either have driven that car into the ground out of necessity or else have sold it for the money the Starlings needed so desperately.

Pintos also weren’t super high-quality cars and were definitely not built to last ~20 years.

Clarice already being able to chat with her father whenever she needs to really undermines the therapy Hannibal will eventually give her, but…I guess they’ve already accepted they’ll never make it that far?

“you’re trying to get in my head” yeah, and she’s doing it, too–’cause she learned from the best!

“you get an answer, I get an answer, Felker.” she’s Hannibal’s girl all right.

this episode’s had flashes of brilliance before diving back into…whatever tf watching one of your favorite characters of all time being tortured is.

I really wanted Ardelia to say that no, but Clarice was like a sister to her.

it took FIVE episodes to get some lamb imagery, but we’ve been looking at moths for the entire season?!

oof, Clarice voicing her own insecurities about her childhood abandonment and using them to twist Felker’s arm...painful but smart.

HANNAH!!!

I would die 4 baby Clarice

after all that, Clarice is going to apologize to Ardelia about last week? this episode SUCKS.

Good: Clarice playing mind games with Felker like Hannibal did to her; Ardelia going to bat for her bestie, lamb flashbacks, baby Clarice, and HANNAH!

Bad: So much. Clarice being medically tortured multiple times, moth hallucinations, the several-years-premature (imo) Daddy-as-Guardian-Angel plot device, “Reesey”...did I mention Clarice getting repeatedly tortured?!

Ugly: Krendler backstory + making out with his wife. Ew.

Wow, this episode was a hot mess, and I kind of hated it. I loved Clarice’s really Hannibalesque approach to Felker, and I’m so thrilled that Hannah got mentioned at all (tho...did they need to be so heavy-handed with the helmet and gun and everything?) Also nice to see Ardelia behaving much more in-character. That said, it was sickening and imo totally unnecessary to further traumatize Clarice the way they did. To make her almost helpless.

Clarice, and by extension Rebecca Breeds (who is fantastic and deserves better), has been given very little range so far. She’s frequently been shown as miserable, afraid, desperate, traumatized, angry, resentful, but I also want to see her joyful, laughing, silly, relaxed...something else that will give her depth. Her life wasn’t miserable 24/7, 365. It was just unfulfilling. We got glimpses of this in the first two episodes. PLEASE bring it back!

And rn I’m questioning how Clarice’s career can possibly drag on for another six years after this. Her apparent PTSD is already interfering with her job performance as it is--this experience is only going to make it worse. Her “body count” in Hannibal was around five, iirc, and that was enough to slap her with the “Death Angel” moniker. In the show at least four people have died in close proximity to Clarice in the space of like...a week. How does she come back from that, even as the savior of Catherine Martin? It’s a PR nightmare for obth Clarice and the FBI.

They’ve also sort of forgotten that the Martins existed while continuing to flesh out Krendler’s (?!) character? It’s weird.

I almost don’t even want to watch Episode 6 after that. But here goes...

Episode 6, “How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful?”

the freaking MOTHS again, I hate them!

frankly, yeah, Clarice should be on leave.

Clarice’s nondescript monochrome suits and constant ponytail are just so boring. in the book she’s described as never having to put effort into making her hair look good--so why is it always pulled back in this show?

I’m not sure it’s very in-character for Clarice, at this point in her career, to go over her boss’s head to get out of admin leave (one she really needs to take tbh) even for the sake of solving a case

lol what the actual hell @ AG Martin guilt-tripping Clarice, who was very recently tortured and almost died, for not calling Catherine back? Clarice is not Catherine’s therapist!

THIS is what my Vogue-reading heroine with burgeoning great taste wears for a night out? so disappointing.

never in my life did I think I’d be sitting through Krendler’s personal drama in a show ABOUT CLARICE STARLING.

her costume sucks and her hairstyle’s from years in the future, but dang does Clarice look gorgeous.

and I love thinking of her getting a taste of the luxury she’ll enjoy with Hannibal. :)

you know what? I think I was actually fine with them forgetting that the Martins were in this show.

whyyy is Krendler being made so sympathetic?!

now Catherine Martin “loved to sew” just like Frederica Bimmel? hmm. (tbf, maybe this is in the novel, and I’ve just forgotten.)

her gift for Clarice is sweet, though.

so beautiful, indeed

Christ on a cracker, that confrontation between the Martins was painful to watch (not a criticism). this show’s AG and her daughter are very much two of a kind in terms of emotional manipulation.

I stan one (1) doofus

now either Catherine’s gaslighting Clarice...or Clarice’s trauma (over BILL! again with this!) is so pervasive that it’s twisted her memories. either way, I hate it.

so Krendler’s lawyer is dirty and that’s why he’ll (probably) turn against Clarice? but WHY? why can’t Krendler just suck?

Good: Clarice looking gorgeous, Ardelia continuing to fight for Clarice, female characters in positions of authority everywhere

Bad: Clarice’s underwhelming costumes, Clarice’s primary/worst trauma apparently STILL being Buffalo Bill & having Clarice break down crying again (and NOT over what happened last week, which would tbh make a lot more sense).

Sad: Shaan’s backstory about his wife, everything involving Catherine

Ugly: Krendler subplot. Ugh.

I just don’t know how I feel about this installment. Wish I cared more about the overarching conspiracy plot, but I’m really only here for Clarice and Ardelia. And while no show can stand on the shoulders of a single character, for a show about Clarice, there seems to be quite a bit of screentime devoted to her bosses, Martin and Krendler, and even to her team members. And all without Clarice herself getting much character development. They don’t seem to be exploring much of her character other than her traumatic backstories, and I’m no longer very hopeful that she’ll be much more fleshed out in the last four episodes, either. It’s a bummer. I really think Rebecca could shine like Jodie did if she were given a chance.

Most of the scenes with the Martins were visceral and felt so real that it was hard to watch. That said...the AG Martin/Catherine content all strikes me as being somewhat detached from the rest of the show, as if the writers are making it up as they go along with no real end goal in mind.

Man...these two were rough going. Very little humor or warmth and absolutely no joy. Of course the source material is dark, so a somewhat dark crime drama is to be expected, but I really think the show needs a slightly less intense, bleak and (dare I say it?) unpleasant episode. But they writers have really dug themselves into a hole by zeroing in on Clarice’s PTSD. And unlike in Hannibal, there’s no love interest with whom she (and by extension, the audience) can flee her misery and pain.

I'm cautiously optimistic about the rest of the season. A lot of the ingredients are there, and despite my many criticisms, it’s been great to spend time with a character I love. Fingers crossed that they finish strong!

#Clarice Starling #cbs clarice #clarice #rebecca breeds #spoiler warning #bc I know a few of you haven't quite caught up either #long post for ts #media [cbs show]#actor [rebecca breeds]#char [clarice starling]#char [the night watchman]#char [paul krendler]#char [ardelia mapp]

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discotreque · 4 years ago

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Disco 3.04: Forget Me Not

The way Doug Jones delivered “Previously, on Star Trek: Discovery” this week—audibly out of makeup, almost entirely out of character, and over the super-intense footage from 3.02 of Disco plummeting helplessly to a shattered ruin of a planet—in such a brisk, cheerful little chirp had me laughing so hard I was wheezing. I could see his little mannerisms and everything 😂

I slept like a brick last night, so I’m a little too disoriented for much of a preamble. Let’s get right into it. Spoilers ahoy:

REPAIR ROBOTS!!!

Prop watch: the “salt-shaker” medical scanner Culber uses during his opening voiceover is by far the most elaborate we’ve ever seen on Star Trek. Try to fit that into the top of your tricorder. (I guess it’s connected to an iPad now...)

Adira has amnesia too? Literally a mystery wrapped in a mystery, lol.

Stop calling it a squid! It’s an ankylosaur! (ˈaŋkɪləsɔː)

Michael asks Adira on the bridge if the planet Trill looks familiar. Not to be a planet-racist, but don’t all Class M planets kind of look alike from orbit? I’m not sure I could reliably recognize that much of Earth, especially under so much beautifully rendered CGI cloud cover.

I’m going to be praising Doug Jones a lot this season—he’s not just playing Saru as captain, he’s playing Captain Saru in an interesting and distinctive way. He’s not the babysitting big brother anymore—now he’s their dad, and he’s still visibly getting used to the role. It’s played so sweet and subtle and I’m really loving it, and the way the show as a whole is leaning into the “family” vibe this season.

The holographic version of a red-yarn-string conspiracy board that Michael is using when she talks to Culber is one of those acceptable sci-fi breaks from reality for me. It looks super cool and futuristic, but imagine actually working like that for a few hours. Your arms would get exhausted. My neck hurts just watching her crane around. And the eyestrain of focusing on glowing shit, in mid-air, at various distances, with no backdrop whatsoever? Fuck off completely with that. But it’s simple and tactile, so the audience immediately understands the general idea of what she’s doing, and it’s literally see-through, so we can simultaneously know how she feels about it. And if you’re not a total weirdo like me, you won’t be thinking about any of this, except maybe “oh, neat!” when Culber first walks in—it just helps establish Michael’s state of mind at the beginning of the scene.

OKAY SO TWO EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT MICHAEL’S QUARTERS. First, she decorated!!! 😭😭😭 Last season they made a point of (repeatedly!) contrasting her uhhhh “minimalist” living space with Tilly’s more personalized and homey side of the room, and now they explicitly note that Michael either brought her 32nd-century knick-knacks over from Book’s ship or replicated a bunch of new ones for Disco, and frankly either scenario makes my heart want to scream into a pillow.

THE SECOND THING IS THAT SHE’S STILL LIVING WITH TILLY??? ARE YOU ACTUALLY KIDDING ME WITH THIS SAPPHIC SHIT. I WAS READY TO BID MY SAD FAREWELLS TO MYLVIA AND HOP ON THE BURNBOOK TRAIN AND YOU DO T H I S??? YOU’RE PLAYING WITH MY HEART, MICHELLE.

I thought it was unfair that people were criticizing the last episode for not like, fully developing every single one of the plot points it was obviously setting up to play out over the rest of the season—but fair or not, I was genuinely surprised when they came back to Michael’s insecurities around leadership, so I guess this show is still working on winning me over too.

“Post-traumatic growth... can inspire us to evolve, to live our lives in a different way.” Well, fuck 😭😭😭😭😭

This is going to sound like either rank sarcasm or damnation by the faintest of praise, but it’s actually a genuine and heartfelt compliment: I did not expect this show to ever even approach the emotional depths of the recent She-Ra reboot on Netflix, let alone include a conversation that directly evoked one of the most powerful moments of that entire series for me. “You know what I love about you most? You’re a responsibility hoarder” has the exact same energy as “You’re worth more than what you can give to other people,” and it sucker-punched me right in the goddamned heart. Let 2020 be the year all our overly self-sacrificing heroines learn to let themselves accept the same love and support they give so freely.

AND THEN SHE JUST LAUNCHES INTO BIG-SISTER MODE WITH ADIRA??? Put me in a photon torpedo and shoot me into space while Scotty plays Amazing Grace on the bagpipes because I am D-E-A-D dead. (Also any time SMG lets her accent out a little bit I just fucking swoon, and apparently that accent is an integral component of her big-sis persona, so 😍😍😍😍😍)

I have been waiting my entire life for a Star Trek character who stuns first and asks questions later.

No. No WAY. THIS is how the Disco computer becomes Zora??? Basically the same way Data created Moriarty, except with a boost from the sphere data, and driven by Saru wanting to heal the crew’s emotional trauma? Holy SHIT.

I’m not sure I realized how many gaps existed in Trill lore until now. We knew a lot about Dax’s specific experiences, but I never had a good sense for how “typical” Dax actually was, and I feel like I learned more about Trill in general in this episode than I did over seven seasons of DS9, which is cool.

Listen, Saru, if you want to have family dinners with the crew, sometimes they’re going to turn out like family dinners.

The closed captions when Michael was arriving in the Trill dreamscape or whatever said (ambient warbling), which is also one of my favourite genres of music.

“I know you’re afraid, but you have to let them connect with you.” OKAY, STOP, JUST STOP.

I guess it wouldn’t be Discovery if every other character didn’t have a grotesquely tragic backstory, but Adira and Gray’s managed to cram about half a dozen of my favourite romantic tropes into a few fleeting moments of screen time before crashing into my heart—much like an asteroid crashing into the side of a generation ship that really should have solved the “random asteroid collision” problem at, like, the blueprints stage—so this one hurt even more than usual.

(Looking forward to blocking all the cis people with ~scorching hot takes~ about Adira and Gray this week. If you’re not trans, then your feelings and opinions about this are literally meaningless to me.)

One of Tal’s previous hosts is seen in a circa-2399 Starfleet uniform, which unfortunately doesn’t fit him any better than it fit anyone on Picard. We also get a (presumably fairly contemporary) admiral’s uniform on Senna, but there’s a lady on the far left with a different style of uniform but the same “post-canon” oval-backed delta concept for the combadge, and I wanted to see more of that one.

AWWWWW, STAMETS ACTUALLY DID STOP BEING A JERK, GOOD FOR HIM <3 (And if I’ve learned anything from science fiction, it’s that dark matter can do literally whatever the writers want, so this seems like a promising road of inquiry!)

Is Gray going to live in Adira’s head like a non-toxic version of Six and Baltar on Battlestar Galactica? Because I am into it.

...and that’s four in a row that ended with a goddamned tsunami of feelings. It’s still finding its feet, but this new version of the show—this slower, softer, sweeter version of Discovery, and the things it’s even attempting—you could say it gives me hope.

Next week: we finally get to see Starfleet in the 32nd century, who are as friendly as everyone else has been so far, and I’m going to have to figure out who’s playing the admiral who talks to Michael in the trailer, because he’s such a “Hey, It’s That Guy!” I got whiplash.

#star trek discovery #disco spoilers #star trek discovery spoilers #amy's episode notes

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maddiesup · 5 years ago

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Tag game!

I was tagged by @ohbabycupcakes thank u💖

RULES: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things then tag 10 people + leave comments on all of them

This is gonna be hard, where do I even start?

1) Keith (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Okay I'm- trying not to laugh too hard because oh boy, this show was a complete mess. BUT Keith still stays as one of my favorite characters ever just because no matter how badly I was hurt by vld he'll always be precious to me 💖 He's hotheaded, cool and a lone wolf, but needs affection more than anyone else on the team. He's easy for me to relate to as I am more likely to push someone away than to keep them close just to avoid being hurt as well. His development is amazing tho and I love love him so much 😭 also it might be just that I have a soft spot for emo characters lmao

2) Todoroki Shoto (Boku no Hero Academia)

This just reinforces my statement earlier since Todoroki is pretty emo too :') But in a different way than Keith. If you are a part of bnha fandom you know he's generally a little bit overrated, but I couldn't help falling in love with him at first sight anyway lol His backstory is tragic but he keeps pursuing his dream and damn is he good at it. Also the combo of fire and ice is aesthetic goals. However, what I admire the most about Shoto is probably his loyalty to his friends, his will to fight and sometimes his goofy attitude (even if he probably isn't aware that he's being goofy lol) In conclusion: I love him, let's move on.

3) Uenoyama Ritsuka (Given)

Can I just stop to say how much I love given for a moment? Like I've never seen a bl anime/manga that would portray gay characters so respectfully 😭❤️ Ue is basically me gay panicking, I feel the boy so much :') OH also what's up with gays & guitars bc first given, then why r u and now also 2gether :') (I might be falling in love with this trope help) okay so: Ue is panicking when he starts liking Mafuyu but he handles it so well in a way? He doesn't deny his crush even if he is slow to notice it lol He's straightforward and sometimes a little bit rough around the edges, but even if he's supposed to be "the cool guy" we see him in the most hilarious settings and that just makes me love him all the more 💖 he respects Mafuyu and his boundaries and I want more of that in bl anime please

4) Eiji & Ash (Banana Fish)

Uhhhh this anime,,, I CANNOT choose between Ash and Eiji, I'm gonna forever see them as a pair and that's simply it. Ash is another emo one I would like to say that but he's actually not. He's backstory is heartbreaking and the life he has to live is dangerous and scary. He gets used to this reality where he has no one to rely on and no one to trust but then Eiji appears tearing his walls down and making him finally be able to show his soft and sensitive side to someone. Eiji is like a salve for his wounds and yes, I'm still emotional about it bc their relationship is one of the best developped I've ever seen. Their bond is so strong it's beautiful, they would literally die for each other. It's so apparent that they love each other and care for each other so much (don't mind me crying in the corner)

5) Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson & the Olympians)

PJ technically got me into fantasy/sci-fi in elementary school and it stays at the top of my favorite book series list ever (big props to Uncle Rick 👏) The whole series is funny and I would say pretty light-hearted even tho you know,,, Percy saves the world several times, lol, usual demigod things™. He's lovable. Son of Poseidon so he has seaweeds instead of a brain (or so you thought, he is brilliant at strategic planning and has a charisma to be a great leader), has a very good sense of humor, is loyal and would risk everything for his friends. Also he loves his girlfriend very much and I was crying while reading the House of Hades but no one needed to know that oh well. I'm also gonna mention Nico de Angelo here, since he fell in love with Percy (didn't we all tho) and was the first gay character I saw portrayed in the book and oh do I love him 😭💖

6) 707 (Mystic Messenger)

Was I losing sleep over this game? I was. Do I regret anything? Absolutely not. I think my choices are pretty boring tho, since Seven is literally everyone's favorite but oh boy there's a reason for that. Apart from being a talented hacker who knows too much (and I think is cautious of us the most at the start) he has a lovely happy-go-lucky personality composed of all the lame jokes, questions "have you eaten already" and anxiety (another emo one). He's that type of a character who will always try to make you laugh but you never know what's going on inside his head. He's mysterious and we don't get to know him well till his route so pretty much till the end of the game lol. Also he loves his brother, phd pepper, honey buddha chips and Elizabeth 3rd the most in this entire world and I love him for that

7) Evan Hansen (Dear Evan Hansen)

ANOTHER EMO ONE okay but hear me out Evan has social anxiety and its portrayal is almost too real for me. He makes a big oopsie which at the start seems like a little innocent lie but then snowballs to enormous sizes. He gains everything in this bargain, a best (dead) friend, a caring mother, a father, a girlfriend even - and then everything falls apart since it all is built on one fat lie. He makes a lot of mistakes and then some more but you get it and you feel for him, and you cry with him and you're happy for him. And when all of this is over you're glad that he's still there trying his best, taking it one day at a time. And sidenote: Ben Platt's voice is angelic and I love him as Evan 💖💖💖

8) Isak (SKAM)

Another gay panicking one. I'm starting to realize there's a set of traits that I particularly like in fictional characters lol But ye, when I was watching skam ofc it was the third season which gripped me the most and kept me on the edge, bc yet again Isak taking an "are you gay" test was way too real for me. He makes a lot of mistakes along the way of figuring out his sexuality and sometimes stuff with Evan becomes really messy (for both of them) but he stays with him nevertheless ❤️ Skam is literally so good in its portrayal of the characters :') Anyways: alt er love 💖

9) Viktor & Yuuri (Yuri on Ice)

Em, another one that I absolutely can't break up to just one bc how could I? Yuri on ice got me into skating ❤️ I went to an ice rink for the first time bc of this anime and I almost died but now look at me actually finishing my first three months of ice skating training and watching real life figure skating competitions :') Little did I know then. But they're not only my favourites bc of that, I genuinely love the development of their relationship from fan - idol through skater - couch to lovers and history makers in the end. I love how Yuuri is a ball of insecurities and how Viktor manages to reassure him. I love how Viktor fell in love with drunk Yuuri clinging to him. I love how at first Yuuri wasn't able to get too close to Viktor without getting flustered and it changes so drastically to them basically always holding onto each other. I love how Viktor was stuck with no inspiration but then Yuuri came and turned his world upside down. I love how they support and respect each other. I could probably go on into eternity like that and Yuri on ice isn't even the best anime I've ever seen but it's certainly my favourite one ❤️

10) Tutor (WHY R U)

I can't believe I'm so obsessed with thai dramas rn and I'm only gonna include Tor on this list smh He's mental attitude inspires me. He's able to hold so much and appears totally unfazed even if he's barely holding on inside. He's hardworking and doesn't want others to pity him since he can manage it all just fine. He has a kind heart, he's a wonderful friend (especially to Hwa, he always listens to her, gives her pieces of advise, supports her and tries to cheer her up). He never forgets to say thank you when he genuinely feels grateful. But as we've seen he also is passionate and when he loves he LOVES. Also he's the biggest tease to Fighter and I love him for that :') I am so satisfied just by seeing him happy, please do not change that whyru gods 🙏

As it appears I'm done .-. I have no idea what have just happened and if my rambling even makes sense but not that I care at this point. If you read this far, please drink some water now, that was a lot of reading to go through ❤️

Tagging: @wir-ro, @saecookie and any other 8 people who might want to ksks (im too tired to tag lmao)

Don't be like me and go to bed at reasonable hours despite this whole quarantine thing .-. thank again Doreen for tagging since it was really fun 🥺❤️

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kochampierniki · 5 years ago

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John Brannox x male, cardinal! Reader

Okay, I thought I won’t post it, because it’s my first fanfic and that’s like totally new, undiscovered “land” for me and I don’t feel confident, but I really like final effect. So I will just see, what will happen, lol.

Fandom: The New Pope Backstory: It all happens, when you with other cardinals arrive to Brannox’ manor to ask him, if he wants to become pope. You’re a bit frustrated, because it was supposed to be short trip, but he don’t give you easy answers. Notes: John Brannox x male, cardinal! Reader (or you can read it from ex: Gutierrez’ perspective), angst

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was lying in bed with eyes closed, waiting for impulse to finally get up. My fingers were a bit cold, I could feel that fire died at night and the day is propably (again) foggy and cold. Rome was much warmer, milder. When will we get home? Maybe today he will tell us his answer? Sir John was constantly misleading us, keeping us in doubts, even when most of us was determined to already go back to Vatican. I'm not sure, if I was so excited to come back without him.

I got up with silent sigh and dressed more casual and functional - I kept my cardinal's suit for better occasion. In high, leather boots, khaki pants and long, dark coat I went for small breakfast and walk. At least I could enjoy some fresh air and landscapes, when it's not raining, right? I was sure most of cardinals are sleeping, because manor was truly silent. So I was quite astonished seeing sir John sitting in saddle and talking to his butler. Well, his mount wasn't most suitable choice - a bit too heavy, not royal at all, but with elegant and classy nobleman in saddle. I hadn't opportunity to get in saddle for years, so before I've stopped myself from asking unwanted questions, I said:

- May I join you, your Eminence?

He looked surprised, but accepted with short nod.

- Danny will prepare your horse and tell you, how to find me.

Find him? Now I raised my eyebrow, because he surely won't wait for me. A small doubt got into my heart, questioning if I should ride after him, because maybe he was just too polite to reject my company?

- Of course, thank you.

I followed Danny to stables, turning away to watch sir Brannox becoming smaller and smaller spot on sandy road. Butler was - as always - polite and gentle, smilling all the time, so I can't guess if I should follow his lord. - Do you think that his yes was honest?

- I believe so, your Eminence. I think he will be pleased by your company.

Danny showed me stables and much younger stable boy helped me choose and saddle up horse. My mount was more classy - energetic, young mare. She barely could stay in one place, was so focused on going forward. I followed Danny's instructions, at first just in walk, so this bay beauty could warm up a little. Then with firm impulse I ordered her to trot, she reacted even a bit too enthusiasthic. After few minutes of riding down the road, I began thinking, that I've lost way or was too slow, so sir Brannox was already home. Then I finally found him standing by riverbend, watching gray water flowing over the rocks. His horse was drinking and he surely wasn't in hurry. I stopped my horse next to him.

- I hope you I don't mind me interrupting your loneliness, sir John.

He smiled a little, but his eyes remained sad.

- I'm never alone, even now, your Eminence.

For a short while, he was just watching river...

- I used to ride with Adam, my twin brother. So he follows me also here... But that doesn't change a thing.

You should read beetwen the lines, to understand this man and his ambiguity - his honest laugh followed by tragic remainings of the past, melancholy and sometimes shadow of his parents disappointment.

- Well, I thought there are ghosts only in your manor, not by your side. And do you enjoy his presence?

- As a man of church, we shouldn't believe in ghosts and presence of shadows of the past. Don't we?

Another rethorical question and blind alley, he mentioned his brother few times, but never want to talk about it. He took reins in his hands and lead his horse back to the sandy road, I followed him trying to keep my overexcited mare in right pace. We both agreed, that our horses would enjoy some running, so we warmed them up in trot and then allowed them to stretch legs and a catch a bit of wind in canter. That wasn't easy to stay in saddle in trot, because my mount was so energetic, but her canter was much kinder for me. Then we gradually got back to walk and I recognized road - we were heading back to manor. A man with such strong personality as sir John won't answer, if he don't want to talk, so after longer pause I admitted:

- Astonishing landscapes. So simple, but also quite overwhelming. Fog was like gentle curtain covering soft, curvy hills. There are few small bushes with almost naked trees. Whole landscape was emanating with distance and melancholy.

- Overwhelming? Interesting choice of words.

- There are two ways to make human feel overwhelmed. First, when it's too much to handle - when everything is like waves slowly covering you and making breathing impossible. Second is just emptiness. It's just landscape, but right under your skin and maybe just by your heart you can feel, that this space is too empty. It's lack of what? I can't tell, but when we meet emptiness, we try to cover it by ourselves and that's often not comfortable...

He was listening carefully, I could tell even without looking at him. No interrupting, no polite smiles.

- ...because we are the hardest company for ourselves.

That touched him deeply, so he remained silent. In his manor he often ended conversation at such point and run away, but now? There was no escape and there was no chase, because I didn't continue this topic. I focused on the ride and long minutes later looked at John with surprise, when he asked me:

- What make it so difficult? - his eyes darkened with eyeliner met my eyes and I was sure, that his question wasn't just curiosity - To meet yourself, your Eminence?

- For me? I'm rarely enough for myself. It's hard to look at my mistakes and sins, when I know, I can be better, more succesful or loving. I can't accept my imperfection, even when I see, that others see me as a bright star on the sky and as mentor or guide. It's vanity, because I almost believe than I can be perfect as only God can be. And it's hard to live your whole life with person, that doesn't allow you to fail and make you feel guilty for it. Of course, you can ease this feeling, try to accept yourself, but it's long process.

He gently touched my arm.

- You shouldn't be so harsh for yourself. Such vanity could lead you to moral perfection, because you try to follow highest standards - god himself. And as his servants or maybe rather listeners, we know glory of sacrifice and living for others.

- Thank you - I barely replied with lump in my throat.

We were riding home in silence. I felt that I couldn't leave it like this. For the last few days I was watching him suffer, fighting with something only on his own - he won't allow anyone to help and my heart was just breaking. I wouldn't admit it loud, but I was ready to do almost everything to soothe his pain and make him smile - without this shadow of irony or sadness. But he was like well defended castle, we saw only, what he allowed us to see. Nothing more. I don't have to say, that this were rarely something personal. Manor was almost in front of us, when I looked at him with tenderness and said:

- I don't know, what make it so hard for you, sir John. But I know, that there is always way to get over the past and find peace for ghosts haunting you.

That was only hipothesis, that his problem is his brother or maybe barely living parents - he mentioned Adam too often, it was like open wound and like yelling for help without allowing anyone to get closer. He wanted change, but was he ready for this? Voiello was seeing this only as his deppresive side, oversymplyfying and ignoring his family issues, which can be obstacle in taking responsibility as a pope. And what's more important: in being good pope. One of previous pontifs Pius XIII showed us, how you can use papecy to deal with your own family issues and act as a little kid on most important position in roman church. At least he became more mature at the end, but I still wasn't convinced to him. For me he was too concerned on dogma, forgetting about people and also too focused on himself sometimes. Will John Brannox be good candidate? He was looking too much to the past, but was also great theoretist of middle way and charismatic, gentle material for new leader. I could feel, that he just have to open himself to become great pope.

- Thank you for company, your Eminence. I felt a bit less lonely at least for a while.

He shooked my hand with gentle smile of gratitude and strong gaze. Maybe he was defeated man, but not broken yet.

- That was pleasure, thanks to you.

My heart was wildly pounding in my chest, when I was watching him leading his horse back to stables. Well, now I was sure, that I'm not thinking about him only as a candidate for a pope.

#the new pope #new pope #john brannox #john malkovich #paolo sorrentino #fanfic #john brannox x reader #reader x john brannox #romantic #angst #john brannox imagine #young pope

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ubcs-dump · 5 years ago

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Hell yes, tell us abt Mikhail. I bet you have a lot to say!

Short answer:

Long answer:

Okay so I will get real with all you guys on this one. I’ll start with a bit of a backstory with this because there is a reason why I love Mikhail so much.

!!!TRIGGER WARNING!!! MENTAL ILLNESSES AND SU*C*DAL THOUGHTS MENTIONED!!!

It was about 10 years ago. Imagine a 14 year old me, sitting alone in my dark room. My depression and various other mental illnesses are geting worse every day, they have been dragging me down for years now. I am living with abusive people who love to push me down even further, mocking me and bullying me even though they are considered my family. I was broken. I was in pain. The word ‘s//ui//ci//de’ has been clouding my mind for years now.I just picked up on Resident Evil through parodies of it on youtube. I watched someone play Resident Evil 3 Nemesis online because I remember that we owned that game but I was terrified of Nemesis on the box so I didn’t play it myself.Then I saw Mikhail, how he lay on the seats of the cable car. I could tell he was in pain and I felt deeply sorry for him. But it wasn’t a special feeling because I felt sorry for all the characters in the game. The person who played the game even mocked Mikhail for his looks. At first I laughed along but then there came a specific cutscene.And then Mikhail said something.Just one sentence.One line of dialoge.

It may just be a line of dialoge for most people. Some tiny bit of character developement sprinkled in for good meassure.But boy.I felt that.Suddenly I felt a deeper connection. It felt like I could see myself in Mikhail. He’s been through hell. He watched his men die in front of him. He is bleeding like crazy. He is in pain. Both mentally and physically. He’s expressing survivors guilt and it’s eating him up on the inside. When he said that line I literally teared up.I felt understood.And when he sacrificed himself to save Carlos and Jill, I cried. Hard. I cried because I was touched by his bravery. I cried because he deserved to live. I cried. Because I looked up to him. Without even realizing it, he became my role model. Mikhail is a kind soul, he is brave, determined, always trying his best, righteous, proud, a real team player and a wonderful leader. He is the kind of person I’ve always wanted to be.He quickly became my favorite character. I still watch all of the cutscenes with him every now and again when I need to hear his voice. I also sometimes browse his REwiki page just because I feel like it. When playing the Mercenaries minigame I always pick him.After meeting him I decided to keep going too. I can’t stop, no matter how broken and in pain I am. These wounds can’t stop me from fighting. I’ll keep fighting because I believe that I can get better if I just keep going. Fighting those demons off. Ignoring everyone who tells me otherwise. After all, I can’t stop just because I’m wounded.Also he is probably my biggest fictional crush ever lol. It’s been almost 10 years and I still can’t forget him and I still love him as much as I did on day 1.

Ever since then Mikhail has been a sort of voice of reason. When I’m feeling lost I ask myself what he would do in my situation. When I notice I haven’t eaten all day again, I’d imagine him trying to give me a pep talk. He became a coping mechanism and comfort character. I’ve been looking up to him for almost 10 years now, which is pretty rare when you know that I have tons of favorite characters that come and go, but he has always been my favorite Resident Evil character ever since that day.

I love everything about him. His backstory is tragic and herioc. He used to be an excellent soldier in the Russian SFSR before the Soviet Union collapsed. His wife was part of a minority who he fought for, causing him to be concidered a terrorist in the Russian Federation. After getting arrested he was approached by Umbrella. He agreed to join them but only if Umbrella does everything they can to ensure amnesty for his men.This just shows how much he cares for his comerades and loved ones. Mikhail joined a guerrilla organization to fight for the independence of the minority group his wife was a part of. He joined Umbrella, not because he himself wanted to be free, but because his men would be free.

I also really really like his relationship with Jill in the game. I could perfectly imagine them as very good friends. The way they talk with each other and how Jill tries to calm Mikhail down and helps and encourages him while also perfectly understanding the state he is in and the feelings and worries that are clouding his mind. I just love it and I demand fanart and fanfiction of a cute platonic relationship between these two. They are cute and precious.I sadly can’t say a lot about his relationships between him and the other members of the Operation-Jackal-Trio.Mikhail and Nikolai don’t interact at all. Which is bullsh*t because Capcom actually wanted them to be brothers and interact. That would have been an amazing addition. I want it back. My fav AU, hands down.Carlos mentions Mikhails name a few times (and by a few I mean two times). Once when explaining what happened and once when Mikhail got attacked in the cable car. I’m a bit sad we didn’t see more of them together. Carlos is certainly worried about Mikhails safety but I really wish they had expanded on that a little. I just wanted to see more interaction in general.

Mikhail also influenced my art. My nickname/pen name is Uby Victor. The ‘Uby’ part comes from the way you say the first two letters of the UBCS. And Victor isn’t hard to guess haha. Some people call me Victor too and I love it!! :3I also own an olive green beret in addition to my UBCS uniform. It’s just a prop and I guess just something I’ve always wanted to own haha. Now I just need to find a way to get the patch.I tried drawing him a few times but I’m an idiot and get flustered when I do so I usually stop before it’s even finished. I will probably never be able to draw him well haha. At least not with that attitude.

He’s also the reason I realized I have a soft spot for Russian accents. Even though Ben Campbell isn’t Russian, his accent is okay and I like his performance.

!!HORRIBLY HIGH LEVEL OF HONESTY AHEAD!!

I could probably rant even more about how much I love Mikhails personality. And his looks.

Have you seen those eyes??? That is one awesome dark shade of blue. Unrealistic I know but damn. I love them. And his golden hair. I wanna run my hand through it. And those arms. Mmmh. He could throw me across a football field with those and I’d say “Thanks, daddy, please do it again!”. He looks like he gives great hugs too. He’s like a big teddy bear, hence why I call him Mischka all the time haha. Also he is top notch soft daddy material. I’m not the only one with this opinion. Also his crotch. The bulge is big. Just take my word for it. Or take a look for yourself. His full body picture is at the top of this post. You have been warned.

!!HORRIBLY HIGH LEVEL OF HONESTY OVER!!

All of this is also why I do not like his R3MAKE version at all. The original RE3: Nemesis Mikhail means so so so much to me. I associate him with recovery. I look up to him and I basically owe him my life. So seeing him be changed that drastically in the R3MAKE just broke my heart. I will stick with the original because that’s the one I like the most.

I could tell more but this is already very long lmao

EDITED tl;dr: Thank you, Mikhail. You’ve helped me more than any living human being ever did. I owe you so much. You’re an angel and I love you.

~ Mod Uby

#UBCS #Resident Evil #ubyspeaks #mikhail victor #long post

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letters-from-the-three-houses · 5 years ago

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Hi! Loving ur headcanons for FE:3 houses! Can u write Felix/Annette (first time I saw them, they looked so cute!) and if possible, Sylvain/Ingrid and Ashe/Bernadetta headcanons? Thanks a bunch!!

relevant post:

no shade! i think it’s cute. imagine felix trying to get angry with ann—i bet he can’t lol

(with this, only 18 more felix/student pairs left to go. which one will be next?! ingrid to round off the blue lion girls?! claude for that sweet, sweet crack?! place your bets, people!)

and no problemo about the other two! i’m fond of them myself, so i already had some headcanons for them lying around (calling @that one claude/hilda anon that asked for a student/student pairing that i liked; this is it, friendo!). these are more pre-relationship, but feel free to request relationship hcs for these if you’d like!

enjoy~

felix/annette:

when they first met, it was chaos

felix the prickly loner who didn’t want to talk to anyone and annette the sweet child who greeted everyone she saw?

disaster

“hi! my name’s annette! i’m glad to meet you! all of the blue lions i’ve met so far are nice people so you must be nice as well and—”

he left before she could finish talking

she pouted about it all day long

it didn’t stop her from trying to make friends with him though

every morning at the mess hall: “good morning, felix! i hope you slept well”

at sword practice: “oh, you’re really good at this. maybe you can teach me sometime!”

in class: “wait, what did professor say? i didn’t catch that—did you?”

eventually, felix stops running away and just grumbles or lets out a sound to show her he hears her

but while he never continues any of the conversations, he also never tells her to go away (he just up and goes when he gets tired of it)

so annette babbles to him about random stuff

to onlookers, it doesn’t seem like he’s listening to her

but when he brings up a factoid she mentioned off-handedly the other day, she perks up and her heart turns warm

it gets to the point where every word that felix says to her gets stuck in her head

and she replays it whenever she thinks about him, smiling at the thought of his voice

on the other hand, felix’s frown starts disappearing whenever annette stops by to talk to him

sometimes, he’ll respond back

and he lets her tug on his sleeve

or he’ll pat her head when she does a good job

the other lions go ‘is that what i think it is??’ and get excited whenever they see them together

they don’t push it or anything—no matchmaking or the like

they just like seeing them together bc they think it’s adorable and it makes them soft

whenever annette feels sad because she messed up at something

felix will flick her forehead and call her an idiot, scolding her because “you’re going to get hurt” or “you’ve done it before. do it properly next time”

and when he gets too focused on his training, forgetting to take care of himself, annette drags him back to reality by calling out, “feliiiiiix! let’s go eat together!”

as they head over to the dining hall, she’ll sometimes cling on his arm

he doesn’t like it, but he can make an exception for her

ashe/bernadetta:

they first met while bernadetta was people watching

she was scribbling notes into her book: ‘lysithea - genius prodigy; tragic backstory because her superior intellect caused her to be ostracized by her peers?’

when ashe popped up behind her and asked, “hi there! whatcha doing?”

she shrieked, and in her panic, punched him in the face before escaping

when she was back in her room, she was utterly devastated and muttered, “what did i do? what did i do?” all over and over again

she tried avoiding him from that day on

but he always seemed to find her

in the corner of the library

the hidden alcove near one of the unused classrooms

ashe’s thief skills made it easy for him to sneak up on her unannounced and give her constant heart attacks

it turned her into a constant ball of anxiety that one day, she yelled, “stop doing that!” in the middle of the hallway

ashe blinked, shocked

and bernadetta, mortified as realization sank in, ran away and locked herself up in her room

she buried herself underneath the blankets and went on a self-loathing streak

“everyone’s going to look at me weirdly… i didn’t mean to… why am i like this…?”

it took the combined efforts of byleth and edelgard for her to come out again

when she did, she was afraid ashe would come out of nowhere and there’d be a repeat of the other day

but he didn’t

in fact, she couldn’t see him anywhere

she felt relieved but kinda bad because she couldn’t apologize for punching and shouting at him

still, it wasn’t her business anymore

(lies; she looked out for him everywhere she went)

when she caught him at the training grounds one day, practicing archery with some of his friends, she watched him for a while before scribbling notes about him

‘ashe - talks a lot. he’s either smiling or looking serious—there’s no in between. he’s likeable though… i guess’

eventually, he noticed her staring at him

and she flinched

but he didn’t come closer, just waved with a cheery look on his face before going back to practice

it was like a huge burden lifted from her shoulders ('oh, he doesn’t hate me’) and she left feeling better than before

ashe never walked over to her after that, but he always waved at her when they locked eyes—at a nice distance that kept bernadetta comfortable

each interaction they had, she grew braver bit by bit

and she tried going up to him so they could talk

the first twenty times were failures, but she inched closer and closer each time

ashe noticed them all but never called her out for it

in fact, he was tempted to just go up and talk to her again, but he knew she’d run away

so instead, he helped her out by hanging around corners and doorways, places where she could have a place to hide so they wouldn’t look at each other face-to-face

when bernadetta finally got close to a pillar he was resting on and called out an “um, excuse me?”, he peeked over to look at her, proud that she finally did it

but she shuffled over so they would be on opposite sides

so he stopped and said instead, “yeah? what’s up?”

she fidgeted with her sleeves. “i-i-i’m sorry for the other day. when i yelled at you. and when i hit your face…”

“hm? oh, that! i don’t mind. it was my fault for scaring you. i hope i didn’t make you feel bad. it was kinda hard, but i tried to keep away after that”

“…really? why?”

“you told me to stop sneaking up on you, right? so i did”

realization clicked. she flushed. “oh, thank you”

“no worries! i’m happy you came to me; i’m glad i can talk to you again”

she was thankful he couldn’t see her face. “wh-what? all i did was run away”

“yeah, but that’s because i kept surprising you. i think you’re nice”

“i’m not. not really”

“no, you are! a not-nice person wouldn’t say sorry for something they did before. but you just did.” he laughed. “it’s also kinda nice being together like this, don’t you think?”

she could feel her skin turn hotter. “n-n-nice? y-you—i—” as the feeling grew too much to handle, she stood up, embarrassed, and said, “i’m leaving! bye!” before bolting to the eagles’ dorm

within the comfort of her covers, she looked at the notes she had on ashe, hesitating, before she wrote down: 'he has a pretty laugh’

then she scratched it out and overheated under her blankets

meanwhile ashe, bright and cheery, whistled to himself as he wondered when he’d talk to her again

sylvain/ingrid:

sylvain flirts with her daily

“ingrid! you look as beautiful as you always do”

and she’ll thank him, deadpanned, before turning away and going back to whatever she was doing

sometimes, when she’s feeling particularly lousy, she’ll say, “i heard you the first time” or “stop”

it doesn’t discourage him and he just sprinkles her with more compliments because he thinks it’ll make her feel better

(it doesn’t)

ingrid always sighs over his antics but she doesn’t really care about them

she just thinks it’s empty flattery and ignores it

as long as sylvain does his own share of work, she’ll put up with it (and he does, so it’s her price to pay)

when sylvain gets serious, they make a good team

sometimes, she wishes he’d act like that all the time instead of being so…sylvain

but alas

he can wax poetry about her all day long

“your hair, sun-kissed, and eyes, beacons, draw me in like a wildfire i can’t look away from”

it’s really embarrassing, but he’s not that bad of a poet so she can’t help but be a bit impressed

she gets irritated that he spouts out this and that like it’s nobody’s business though, believing he should say it to someone when he truly means it

one day, she told him as much. “save it for someone special to you”

he just turned solemn—like he always did when he was in battle—and said, “but you are”

it left her feeling flustered; she didn’t show it though

(but from then on, she’ll catch herself staring at him as he concentrates, brows pinched together as a frown settles on his face, before she shakes her head and snaps out of it)

when he smiles at her, she’ll start to give him a small smile back

and when he takes her hand to kiss it, she lets him

she wonders what would happen if he offered to marry her

but she pushes the thought away and calls herself delusional

there are better prospects out there; she would never be a priority to the house of gautier

it doesn’t stop her from thinking about it whenever sylvain comes to talk to her though

maybe it’s just a dream

but it’s a nice dream nonetheless

[asks are open!]

#fire emblem three houses #fe16 #fe3h #felix hugo fraldarius #annette fantine dominic #ashe ubert #bernadetta von varley #sylvain jose gautier #ingrid brandl galatea #asks #headcanons #anon #prerelease #(whew! this was a long one!)#(i'm going to make a mad dash to finish as many requests as possible)#(before this week's famitsu comes out)#(i hope you all will like them!)

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sickandtideeeee · 6 years ago

Text

By Bast - Chapter 11 (Erik x Reader)

Bast truly had a riotous sense of humor.

Who could have foreseen that you would end up in the exact same operating room you had been revived in, attempting to save the life of a man who had nearly murdered you? Your eyes followed the same distraught physician who had taken care of you scurry around to gather surgical supplies, desperate to keep her license. You probably would have laughed had the situation not been so dire.

With the pressure of your closed fist inside his chest being the difference between his life and bloody exsanguination, N’Jadaka seemed almost harmless. Your arms and knees were almost numb from how long you had held position, straddling the estranged prince. You mustered all your strength and willpower to keep your right arm as straight as possible. You could feel the transmitted vibrations of his weakly pulsating heart… his heart? How human he had become now, how vulnerable he now was, as are the rest of us.

Engrossed in your thoughts, you missed the surgeon alerting you that she was finally ready to begin the procedure. T’Challa placed a hand on your shoulder softly but firmly.

“That’s enough. You can come down now,” he instructed, his tone impassive. You obliged, your gaze still focused on Erik, and dismounted the table. The doctor took a curiously long look at you as you hesitantly stepped away, then she hurriedly got to work.

How quickly we forget.

N’Jadaka killed your father, but somehow you had some pity for him.

How quickly we forgive.

N’Jadaka had overthrown T’Challa’s reign, but T’Challa had chosen to absolve him of his sin of treason.

Or had he? You could not totally be sure what his plans were. All you knew was that there seemed to be a gag rule in the palace about the prince. Not a word had been spoken about the battle or its aftermath. In fact, to your amazement, things seemed to have fallen back into place almost instantly once T’Challa officially announced his return, never mind that this was the first civil war on Wakandan soil in centuries. N’Jadaka’s reign had been subversive but brief, and a collective sigh of relief befell the land as the rightful heir was reinstated.

A week had passed painstakingly slowly. Spirit unsettled, it had become difficult to concentrate on your bioengineering work. To quell this unease, you had begun to make rounds at the Mujaji orchards to pick fruit much like Zuri had the habit of doing before. However, this time the fruit would go not to the children who visited the temple, but instead to the homes of the warriors who had been killed in battle. No matter how much the monarchy wanted to suppress the reality of the mutiny, it had happened, and real people had died.

It was while you were on such a mission, humming softly as you picked fruit, that you heard T’Challa call your name.

Surprised, you turned slowly and bowed low in greeting. It was the first time you had spoken since that day. Usually T’Challa would have a playful smirk for you, with gentle eyes unlike N’Jadaka’s cocksure ones, but this time he was accompanied by Okoye whose disdain for you was palpable.

You didn’t blame her for being bitter. She was newly single, given that her husband had not needed much convincing to side with an intruder. Unfortunately, W’Kabi did not have the protection of being blood-related to the king, and now was rumored to have been exiled even further beyond the borderlands.

“What brings you here, Nkiru?” T’Challa asked. You held out one of your baskets to him with a soft smile.

“I was just filling baskets for the temple… Like Baba used to.” A half-truth.

He wore the slightest of frowns in response, which made you mildly anxious.

“Good.” He affirmed to your relief. Okoye scoffed, the slightest of sounds, and T’Challa gave her a nod. She nodded back and turned to exit, leaving the two of you in the garden.

He knelt down to pick up a mango from the full basket at your feet, tossing it up and down in his left hand as he stood before you. While he meant to appear entirely harmless, you could feel your whole body tense up. T’Challa seemed to measure his words before he spoke. Whatever he had to say would not be good.

“May I ask you a question, about N’Jadaka… my cousin?”

You nodded, your eyes following the fruit he played with as it rose and fell. Your heart began to beat fast. The word cousin came out clumsily in his mouth as if he was still getting used to the concept of having a cousin – or rather, having this person in particular as a cousin.

“What is the nature of your relationship?” You now looked at T’Challa in confusion.

“Relationship?” You repeated in shock, then irritation. You had thought T’Challa, someone you had grown up with, would be above listening to ridiculous gossip.

T’Challa now gripped the mango firmly in his hand, looking at you straight in the eyes. Almost as if to warn you that he could detect any lie, no matter how small.

“There have been some reports that suggest something of the sort.”

You wanted to remain respectful, but indignation surfaced instead.

“Reports?” You repeated again, this time with an edge to your voice. He sensed this and once again wore that controlled regal look of disapproval, waiting patiently for you to speak.

You had nothing to say. You expected better from someone like him.

Instead of dignifying him with an answer, you picked up the basket on the ground, hoisting it on your hip. A hand outstretched, you silently requested for him to return his newfound toy. He did not oblige, which made you angrier.

“With all due respect, it is distasteful to implicate me in any sort of liaison with my father’s murderer,” you seethed. At that, T’Challa’s expression softened, if only for a moment, but you would not let him off the hook.

“I cannot help the fact that people around the palace see things where there are none. It also does not help that your cousin found some particular interest in tormenting me further. Please do not do the same.”

With that, you bowed once again to exit, but his hand on your wrist stopped you. You whipped around with the fiercest look possible, but T’Challa’s was fiercer.

“Nkiru, he has asked to see you every day since he’s been in isolation.”

You feel a heavy thump on your chest.

“Every morning for seven days, he says nothing else to any of his attending guards, aside requesting to see you. He even addresses you by name.” He clarified further. That was damning, alright.

“I don’t understand.” You said, your voice now small. T’Challa raised an eyebrow.

“I decided to speak to you in private, particularly because I did not want to cause a scene. However, rest assured that I will get to the bottom of this.” His gaze was hard and fixed, and with his emphasis on the word ‘will’, you effectively lost all your bark.

“If you would like to leave, now, you are dismissed.” He directed, his hands clasped behind him. You turned, wordlessly, feeling the heaviness of his gaze on your back as you walked away.

Shuri, your brother suspects me of some… misconduct. I need to get to the bottom of this. This really is the best way to do it.

??? I don’t exactly see how this will make him less suspicious, but I guess I can help! LOL

Shuri and her Americanisms, you thought as you closed the text message. Shuri was kind enough to modify your communicator to securely and most importantly, covertly, to broadcast into N’Jadaka’s cell. As she said, if caught, this would be a lot more condemning than anything. However, you were curious as to what N’Jadaka so desperately needed to say. You acknowledged that you were connected somehow, by something. You had known each other before knowing each other.

You checked the time. It was the early hours of the morning, where the guards would be at their most relaxed state in terms of surveillance. Either way, Shuri had remotely soundproofed N’Jadaka’s cell so no one would hear the two of you speaking. You had told her it was fine if she listened in herself, but she seemed disinterested.

She truly trusted you wholeheartedly and you were grateful for that.

He probably just has some creepy crush on you. I heard about the lunches, you know. What a weirdo…

You didn’t have a good response to that statement at the time. The very thought was repulsive… mostly.

You glanced at the clock again. It was time.

You checked one more time to assure that your quarters were locked and soundproofed, then sat back down on your bed, cross-legged. In all fairness, you were unsure what to expect. Nevertheless, you started the communication.

A full minute passed where all you could hear were the soft sounds of his breathing. Not exactly sleeping, but not exactly active.

“Hello?” you attempted.

A soft rustling of clothing filled the air, the sound of someone moving around to a sitting position. Another minute passed. You were already losing faith in this operation.

“I heard you wanted to see me.”

“Yeah?” Dispassionate was the tone he aimed for, but it held a hint of pleasure. “Can’t get enough of me, huh?” You could practically see the smirk.

You grimaced. “Say what you needed to say.”

“You’re gonna have to come down in person for that, babygirl.”

Typical.

“I’m serious,” he said, filling the silence. The jest had truly left his voice.

“In that case you’ll forever hold your peace.” You responded. N’Jadaka paused for a second, then must have decided it was not worth the silence.

“Since y’all are probably planning to kill me soon, I thought I could make a few confessions to you. Since you saw things.”

You didn’t respond, so he continued.

“Not like excuses or none of that. Just, I wanted someone to talk to. I’ve never had anyone I could just talk to… You know, with the tragic backstory and all… With you, there’s none of that explanation I gotta give.”

That confession hung in the air for a few seconds like a thick fog. You readjusted yourself in your bed, pulling your sheet covers onto your lap. He let out a sigh.

“You still listening?”

“Yes.”

You must have dozed off at some point as he was speaking, because you awoke groggily to find yourself in unfamiliar surroundings. A soft breeze whistled through the grass in the savannah that now stretched before you. You sat up, back pressed against something hard. A tree. An acacia tree.

To your left, a body shifted itself awake. N’Jadaka also sat by your side, the two of you sharing the same bemused look. It was as if to ask ‘where are we’ but the two of you already knew.

This dream state was different from all the times before. For one, N’Jadaka seemed to be sporting his own consciousness this time. In fact, he was wearing a plain brown linen shirt and pants, probably prisoner grade, and looked almost deflated in his clothing. Dark rims lined his eyes, and a gray pallor underlay his skin. You wondered if he had also refused to eat in the past seven days.

“Here we go again,” he murmured. Your feelings exactly. Nothing surprised you at this point.

The heat would have been blistering if not for the cool currents circling between you two. He sighed deeply and got to his feet.

“I’m tired of games. Or maybe just tired.” He started walking ahead of you, and you quickly followed suit, deciding that following this volatile character was probably the lesser of two evils. Who knew when some wild beast could appear and maul you to death.

“You think I’m dead already?” he asked.

“Probably not.”

“I didn’t think so.” He said.

Then why did you ask? You wanted to say, but instead decided to say nothing. You stared ahead of you at the plain which seemed to extend for miles. Neither of you were sure exactly where you were going, but it felt nice to walk nevertheless.

“You said you had things to say, right?” You looked up at him to see him nod.

Suddenly he stopped and raised his head to the sky, eyes closed. Then he looked back at you.

“How do you do this?”

The question surprised you.

“Do what?”

“Stop being angry.”

Again, he was that young boy crying over his father’s fallen body. You closed your eyes as if to rid yourself of that image and looked down at the dry earth at your feet.

“Who told you I stopped?” You replied, a lie. You truly had stopped being angry. That unnatural peace within you had made you forgive, and you could only muster some frustration at the very fact that you were no longer enraged. Even that upset was inconsequential at this point. Bast had made you forgive him and it felt like a violation of your own free will. It was as if you had developed an entirely different character, and as uncomfortable as it was, there was nothing you could do to change it.

N’Jadaka didn’t respond to that and resumed his pace.

“I wonder what she wants this time,” you mused. No reply.

The two of you continued to walk.

Two statues, comprised of pure obsidian stone save for the twinkle of vibranium ore permeating the structures, appeared to rise at the horizon. Twin goddesses, Bast and Sekhmet, locked and intertwined in a struggle frozen in time. Sekhmet stood slightly higher, the sundisk atop her head, glowing alive with a fiery red-orange hue . The two of you watched in awe at the larger than life figures, casting immense shadows that washed over you the further you walked. At this point, you were no longer walking of your own accord, your feet moved itself.

If he dies, Sekhmet wins. There will be no more balance.

You prostrated yourself at the statue of Bast. N’Jadaka did the same at Sekhmet’s feet.

If you die, Sekhmet wins. There will be no more blessing.

You turned and faced each other. Both hands before you, your fingers interlaced, and you too were locked in struggle. N’Jadaka stood taller than you, mirroring the goddesses in battle. What lay behind his eyes was him no longer, neither were you yourself. A glow of red lined his irises, matching your own purple tint.

Then everything faded out, and you awoke again in your bed, in a cold sweat. The dots had finally begun to connect.

N’Jadaka could not be executed because this would cause discord between the goddesses. And if the goddesses were angry…

Bast had tasked you with his protection, even if it did not make sense. Did she pity him? Could he be pitied?

Either way, until there were more answers and more revelations, N’Jadaka had to continue living.

Tagging: @syndrlla97@iwantsomethingeternal @1killmonger @chasingsunlight @hoopshoney@destinio1 @wakanda-inspired @thadelightfulone @lalasparkles @pessimisfit @youreadthatright @stark-red19@ruruly20 @bossyboyd03 @autumn242 @heybriheyyy @thelovelyliterary @muse-of-mbaku @bidibidibombaclaat @supersizemeplz @romanceoftheeveryday @chaneajoyyy@lildashofmelanin

#erik x reader #erik killmonger x reader #black panther #black panther fanfic #by bast

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nadziejastar · 6 years ago

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I'm thoroughly enjoying the LeaIsa discourse, especially Isa possibly having been subject X in perhaps another canon. Isa's symbolism's also seem intentionally feminine in nature. I've head-cannoned that the current subject X in game could have somehow had her heart spirited away into Isa's (mirroring Sora and Kairi's situation, except the heart being far more buried in the depth's of Isa's). An unlikely scenario is that Isa was AFAB as a child and even Lea doesn't know about it or remember.

Lea: The Wounded Healer

Thank you! Yeah, everything about Isa’s symbolism is feminine in nature. And very intentionally so, LOL. He’s the Yin to Lea’s Yang; the Moon to his Sun. I love the whole concept, and I wish it wasn’t so taboo to step outside of gender boxes. The mythology is that Twin Flames separate and go through many lifetimes apart, never meeting in person. Over the reincarnation cycle, the two lovers balance their masculine and feminine sides so that they are both perfectly balanced. And I do think Lea is a very balanced character in that regard. I’m sure Isa was, too. During their final lifetime in the reincarnation cycle, Twin Flames finally reunite and change the world with their divine spiritual love.

I cannot imagine there’s any other explanation than Isa originally being Subject X. It simply makes way too much sense, and all the pieces fit perfectly. Your head canon is interesting. I prefer that over canon where Isa and Lea are apprentices and had NO connection to the experiments on the darkness of the heart. That just makes no sense at all. They could have had another girl involved without taking away from Lea and Isa’s tragic backstory. Another reason I like Isa being Subject X is that he would need healing, and Lea would need to give him a “birth by sleep”. KH3 kinda forgot about that whole concept. But there’s a lot of evidence that it was supposed to be a HUGE aspect of Lea’s character arc. Would have been a lot more rewarding to see than what he did in canon.

Stuff like this is exactly why Lea and Isa are my favorite characters. I can tell the writers had a hard on for them, too. Nomura really loved Axel, after all. Axel has a weapon called Prometheus which incorporates the Sagittarius symbol, and so do the vast majority of Saïx’s weapons. Moreover, the arrow is mainly prominent in Saïx’s Berserk form, which is where I think his captured heart resides. Now, why is this symbol so important? Because Sagittarius is Chiron, the Wounded Healer! He gave up his immortality for Prometheus, and was rewarded with immortality in the stars!

More About Sagittarius

Yen Sid: “I must warn you again–the road will not be easy.”

Lea: “Fine. Let’s jump right in.”

Ruled by Jupiter, the planet of growth and opportunity, the sign of the Archer is an eternal student, looking for enlightenment through new ideas, people, and places. Sagittarius is on the hunt for the biggest, best experiences life has to offer. They have a positive and outgoing personality that makes them the life of any party. With a love of adventure and all things exotic, the worldly Archer just wants to soak it all in. Sagittarius is driven by a constant need to explore and expand its mind, heart, and awareness to the fullest extent. Fiery and free, Sagittarius knows that the only limits are the ones we create ourselves.

Chiron: The Wounded Healer

Naminé: “And if the hurt is too great for you to bear it alone–well, then you turn to a friend close to your heart.”

Wounded healer is a term created by psychologist Carl Jung. The idea states that an analyst is compelled to treat patients because the analyst himself is “wounded”. For Jung, “it is his own hurt that gives a measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician.”

Chiron was in outstanding pain and anguish; there was no medication that would ease the infliction. The fact was, even the gifted physician Chiron couldn’t heal himself. The next problem was that Chiron was in torment but, immortal. Chiron was not able to obtain freedom from the pain with the onset of death. In such a scenario, Chiron volunteered himself as a replacement for Prometheus, who had been penalized by the gods for giving fire to humankind; His punishment was to be enchained to a giant stone. Day-after-day an aquila descended and polished off his liver, which grew once more as it got dark …only to be consumed by the eagle once again.

So in essence, Chiron forfeited his eternal life so man could have use of fire. Hercules had been appealing to Zeus (Jupiter) for help, and Hercules agreed to supply an appropriate replacement for Prometheus, thereby setting him free. Thus, Chiron replaced Prometheus, gave up eternity, and went to Tartarus (the Underworld) in Prometheus’ stead. Zeus witnessed everything that happened and he knew how deplorable his son Hercules felt. Zeus afforded the dear Centaur a resting place in the heavens, as the constellation Sagittarius the Archer, in recognition of his benevolence and perpetuity.

Chiron and Artemis

Axel: “Why do I always get stuck with the icky jobs?”

Saïx has a weapon called Artemis, after the moon goddess. Artemis has a relationship to Chiron. Centaurs were notorious for being wild, lusty, overly indulgent drinkers and carousers, violent when intoxicated, and generally uncultured delinquents. Chiron, by contrast, was intelligent, civilized and kind, because he was not related directly to the other centaurs due to his parentage. Soon after giving birth to Chiron, his mother abandoned him out of shame and disgust. Chiron, effectively orphaned, was later found by the god Apollo, who decided to take him in as his son.

Apollo taught to him the art of music, lyre, archery, medicine and prophecy. Apollo’s twin sister, Artemis taught him more about archery and hunting. Chiron’s uniquely peaceful character, kindness and intelligence is attributed to Apollo and Artemis. Artemis only loved one man, Orion. She killed him by accident after being tricked into thinking the he was a villain who had attacked one of her priestesses. Orion, whilst swimming to escape a giant scorpion, is killed by Artemis’ arrows after the goddess could only see his distant bobbing head and failed to recognize the hunter. Artemis tried to bring Orion back to life, but was unable. It was Artemis’ regret at the loss of her hunting companion which allowed him to become a constellation and gain immortality amongst the stars.

Sagittarius Mythology also figures in the tale of Orion. One Greek mythology tale tells of how Sagittarius the Archer was directed to shoot down Scorpio the Scorpion, which had been sent off to murder Orion. This story gives the reason why the Archer’s arrow is aimed toward the ‘heart of the scorpion’.

Friendship

Ven: “Already?”

Lea: “I’ll see ya when I see ya. After all, we’re friends now. Get it memorized.”

Ven: “Okay, Lea.”

Sagittarius make excellent friends because of their encouraging, positive nature and their kind heart that will do anything to make sure the friend is happy. They do not expect favors in return; their kindness is selfless. They do not interfere with other people’s plans and they are never possessive or jealous. They treat others the way they want to be treated and live life based on a ‘live and let live’ policy, making them very agreeable. They are excellent conversationalists with a good sense of humor. Sometimes their humor is the raw truth, but these people speak their mind and don’t hold anything back. What they say is what they mean. They do not like mind games; they like straightforwardness and expect it in return.

Axel: “C'mon, let’s get some ice cream.”

Roxas: “Why?”

Axel: “Whaddaya mean, why? Because we’re friends.”

Roxas: “So…friends are people who have ice cream together?”

Axel: “Sort of… That, or laugh at stupid stuff that doesn’t make any sense. Like those kids we just saw–they were friends. C'mon, I’ll show you how it works.”

Sagittarius are known for saying the ‘painful truth’. On the other hand, people know that they can trust what they say because they always say what is real. They never hide anything and are very likable people. The only people that might not get along with them are people that live by a daily agenda with a highly structured, organized life. They are likely to always be running late and miss a date, but this is only because they are so forward thinking that they forget about the present. Tolerance is required. They do not do these things on purpose; this is just who they are. If you understand this and accept this, having a Sagittarius in your life will make the sun shine a lot brighter.

Axel: “Best friends are willing to deal with complications.”

Wise and understanding Sagittarius is connected to the Temperance Tarot card. The gentle process of tempering is about finding a perfect middle state, and combining the best of all things to forge something that is stronger than the sum of its parts. By bringing the power of the philosophical world into their physical world, Sagittarius makes itself a source of ultimate truth and awareness.

Both Sagittarius and the Temperance card are constantly striving for a more enlightened state of being. The angel in the Tarot card here demonstrates this by slowly pouring the liquid from one golden cup into another – a process called “tempering” (a slow process of integration that leads to the perfect middle state). Similarly, Sagittarius accomplishes this by exploring the far reaches of both the physical and philosophical world to expand on or “temper” what is already known. The symbols of Temperance mean the following:

Angel: Interacting with the material world while maintaining a sense of spirituality and higher purpose.

Triangle: Interplay of masculine and feminine or spirituality and materiality.

Cups: The fountain of energy between your opposite tendencies, which is flowing and spontaneous yet also balanced and coherent.

Path: Taking your time through life’s twists and turns; being content in the moment or throughout unexpected obstacles.

Water: Groundedness and refreshment through spiritual thinking.

Mountains: The distant journeys awaiting you that will bring you to spiritual fulfillment.

Sun: The sun, also appearing as the angel’s third eye, represents the merging of personal aims with the universe’s plans for you.

Fire Wings: Muscles and strength necessary to maintain composure and reach a higher being state.

The Angel

Axel: “As long as we remember each other, we’ll never be apart. Got it memorized?”

The Angel’s beautiful, red wings represent blood or life, while the triangle on her dress means spirit – also the elemental symbol for fire. And, similar to adventurous Sagittarius, the angel’s feet are also symbolic of the eternal pilgrimage or spiritual journey. By showing one foot in the water and the other on the shore we are reminded that our greatest wisdom lies in the art of balancing. And lastly, the iris flowers are indicative of the Goddess Iris who provides the link between God and humanity. Like Sagittarius, she travels from one end of the world to another – building upon something that is bigger and brighter than herself.

In a general context, the Temperance Tarot card represents coolness in the face of shifting emotional tides. Temperance is the ability to control one’s temper or temperament. In Thailand there is a concept called “cool heart.” In this phrase, cool does not mean cruel and unemotional. Rather, to act with a “cool heart” means that one is not easily stirred or provoked to go off the handle; one does not quickly come to a raging boil but maintains a steady temperature despite shifting external circumstances. Similarly, Temperance stands with one foot in a cool stream and pours water from one cup into another. Temperance knows how to direct the water in a way that maintains homeostasis.

The 7 of Swords

Lea: “And if the darkness gets ya, I promise I’ll bail you out. “Dark Rescue” is my middle name.”

Axel’s weapon “Prometheus” is Lift Gear. This is the same gear that the Temperance Arcana in Luxord’s deck is listed under. Coincidence? I think not. Luxord’s card has the shape of the Minor Arcana, The 7 of Swords. In general, this card is said to be about betrayal and deception. It is sometimes called the ‘Thief’ card. In a general context, it represents deception, lies, trickery, cheating and lack of conscience. This card also signifies mental manipulation, tactics, scheming, cunning, enemies who masquerade as friends and spies in your camp. It represents escaping detection and getting away with something.

On a more positive note, the 7 of Swords points out that you need to be strategic in what you do. It can also represent flexibility, adaptability, sharp wit, and resourcefulness. You know you cannot do everything at once – nor should you. Instead, you must prioritize what’s important to you and direct your focus and attention on the few tasks that will move you closer to your goals. When this card is seen in a reading, the deception is usually short lived. Nobody is able to carry away 7 swords and get away with it. So although the party may feel smug about it at the time, it’s about to blow up in their face.

Sagittarius’ Ruling Planet: Jupiter

Lea: “I want everybody I meet to remember me. Inside people’s memories, I can live forever.”

Isa: “I know I won’t forget you. Believe me, I try all the time.”

Lea: “See, I’m immortal!”

Larger-than-life Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, the planet of luck and expansion. In Roman mythology, Jupiter was the king of the gods, the biggest and the best. In Astrology Jupiter is known as the “benefic” planet, meaning it is the luckiest, most opportunistic planet of all. This positive energy influences Sagittarius’ optimistic, enlightening, and outgoing nature that shines and spreads through anyone they come into contact with. As the largest planet in our cosmos, Jupiter’s vastness encourages Sagittarius to stretch its mind and heart as far as it can.

Sagittarius’ Symbol: The Archer

Xigbar: “You’re not supposed to be here!”

Lea: “Promises to keep. I’ll always be there to get my friends back. What, bad timing? You had your perfect little script, but you kinda forgot to write the sequel. Now, let’s find out what happens!”

The zodiac sign Sagittarius is associated with the Archer, and its glyph represents an arrow. Always eager to explore new horizons, the Archer sets its sights on a faraway target, then shoots toward it with precision. This focus on learning more, doing more, and seeing more is what Sagittarius is all about.

Ruled by expansive Jupiter, Sagittarius is big-hearted, open, and always looking beyond a checklist. A Sagittarius rarely has a “type.” They are always intrigued by the individual, and don’t make any assumptions about people until they’ve truly met and spoken with them. Sagittarius loves witty back and forth banter. A Sagittarius in love is a sight to behold. Aggressively fun, this sign usually moves full speed ahead once they have their love target ‘locked’.

Selene

Ventus: “I remember dreaming a lot. Of you and Terra. Of Sora and his friends too, I think. And there were some more people I didn’t recognize. Oh, and I saw these weird animal creatures! It’s like…I’ve been part of some big adventure.”

Saïx has a weapon named Selene, after the chaste Greek Moon goddess. It’s shaped like a torch. Selene’s torch has an interesting role in art and history. Selene was taken with Endymion, a beautiful youth who tended his flocks on Mount Latmos. She accompanied Cupid and used the light of the torch to gaze upon the mortal she fell in love with while he slept.

Girodet’s “The Sleep of Endymion” shows the moment that Cupid parts the trees so the Moon may shine her light down upon her sleeping lover’s face. Only at night when he is asleep does she quietly creep down to him, accompanied by Cupid, whose torch symbolizes burning love.

In a Roman floor mosaic from the third century CE, the scene focuses on the moment when Selene falls in love with the young mortal shepherd. Cupid, in the upper right corner, points down at Endymion as if guiding Selene’s gaze towards him. Selene steps out of her bull-drawn biga that she uses to pull the moon across the sky each night, and raises a lit torch that illuminates Endymion’s face in the darkness. She peers down at him longingly. Endymion is fast asleep and unaware of her presence. She was so in love that she asked Zeus to give Endymion immortal life.

Sagittarius’ Ruling House: 9th House of Expansion

Roxas: “I found out about love on today’s mission–that it’s something powerful.”

Axel: “That’s true. It is. But I’ll never get to experience it.”

As the 9th sign in the zodiac, Sagittarius rules over the 9th House of Expansion. This house reveals how open our minds are, and how much we expand ourselves through education, exploration, and life lessons. From philosophical conversations to book research to world travel, the 9th house encourages you to go further than you’ve ever gone before. Sagittarius’ drive for adventure, growth, and awareness is strongly represented here.

When Venus is in Sagittarius

Axel: “Love is what happens if there’s something really special between two people.”

Saïx’s weapon Horoscope incorporates the Venus and Sagittarius symbols while in its Berserk form. So, the astrological correspondence is Venus in Sagittarius. Venus is the planet of love, self-worth, and all things beautiful. Her style is sweet, cooperative, and peaceful. But when this graceful planet’s energy mixes with the free-spirited sign of Sagittarius, her joyful side comes out to play. Hearts come out of hiding while Venus moves through Sagittarius. The happy and free energy of Sagittarius turns Venus up a few notches, encouraging us to live life to the fullest. This is a time to socialize, to try new things, and to look for love in different places.

Sagittarius is the sign of the adventurer, so when Venus is traveling through this sign, we find ourselves drawn to exotic people, places, and experiences. Old routines and worn-out relationships are at risk of being traded in for something bigger, brighter, and better while Venus is in Sagittarius. We want to expand beyond our usual boundaries, and may give up some of our comfortable patterns of the past to try out new experiences. Love needs to grow during this transit – it will not stand still.

Sagittarius’ Element: Fire

No. VIII AXEL—An assassin who puts his own agenda first, and everything else on the back burner. Wields fire.

The zodiac sign Sagittarius is a Fire sign that lights up our lives with profound questions and exciting ideas. Just like an uncontrollable wildfire, this sign will happily go where the wind takes them to seek new experiences. Sagittarius uses its Fire energy on its lifelong journey of exploration, always ready to jump at the next adventure. The element of Fire continues to fuel Sagittarius’ never ending supply of optimism and inspiration.

The Goddess Hestia: The Keeper of the Flame

Axel: “Well, I think you can be inseparable, even if you’re apart. It’s like, if you feel really close to each other. Like best friends.”

Saïx’s weapons Moonrise and Moonset are shaped like ⚶ the astrological symbol for the asteroid Vesta, also known as Hestia in Greek mythology. Her name means “the essence”, the true nature of things. Hestia was the Greek Goddess of the sacred fire. She was the most influential and widely revered of the goddesses. She was was one of the three ‘virgin’ goddesses, next to Athena and Artemis. Hestia was depicted as a beautiful and bashful woman, usually seated. The living flame of Hestia was tended constantly and never allowed to die out, for it represented the energy of all life.

Hestia was a kind goddess and had a discrete character. She never left her residence, the sacred mountain of Olympus. She never involved herself in the fights and machinations of the other gods and goddesses, somehow managing to stay above the fray. Non-judgmental and forgiving, her unconditional love and calm acceptance inspired the love and trust of others in return. Dependable and caring, she was always there for them and helped them to manage their lives, which were certainly more exciting than her own. These virtues define the goddess Hestia: mild, gentle, forgiving, peaceful, serene, dignified, calm, secure, stable, welcoming, and, above all else, well-centered.

Sagittarius’ Color: Purple

Axel: “You know, I’ve been thinking about something Naminé said. Roxas…are you really sure that you don’t have a heart? Is it possible that we all have one? You, me, her… Or is that just wishful thinking?”

Rich and luscious purple is the color of Sagittarius. Purple is a color of abundance, which encourages Sagittarius’ natural luck and its drive to expand its mind and world. The color purple is also associated with spirituality and enlightenment, empowering Sagittarius’ philosophical explorations and lifelong quest for knowledge.

The Sun

Axel: “Hey, Roxas. Bet you don’t know why the sun sets red. You see, light is made up of lots of colors. And out of all those colors, red is the one that travels the farthest.”

Roxas: “Like I asked! Know-it-all.”

Saïx’s weapons Orbit and Lunar Phase incorporate the Sagittarius symbol with the combined stars of Ishtar and Shamash. There’s also a Recusant’s sigil visible over the Sun symbol. The Sun, the giver of life, represents our conscious mind in astrology. It represents our will to live and our creative life force. Just as the planets revolve around the Sun in our solar system, we derive our life purpose from the Sun in our natal charts. The Sun is our ego. It is the part of us that reasons things out, and makes final decisions. The Sun is our basic identity, and represents self-realization. The Sun also represents our overall vitality. The happiest people on this earth are those who identify with the Sun’s expression.

Sagittarius’ Quality: Mutable

Axel: “Let’s meet again in the next life.”

Roxas: “Yeah. I’ll be waiting.”

As the last sign of autumn, Sagittarius helps us celebrate one last hoorah as fall comes to a close and the season of hibernation begins. Sagittarius, with a love for variety and change, uses its Mutable energy to shake the fiery radiance off the leaves and allow them to fall. As winter approaches, this Fire sign keeps us going by fueling our desire for adventure and fun, and helps us remain optimistic that light and warmth will return again.

#kh meta #kh axel #kh lea #leaisa #isalea #akusai #kingdom hearts meta #kingdom hearts

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duerme07 · 6 years ago

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What about Hideyoshi charmed you?

Of primary importance, my mans is Nice to Me lol. Without resent or apologies or embarrassment, he treats his people well and tells them he cares. His internal arcs are usually abt ethics and ways to use power. He’s so good at straight up lying, and he suffers consequences when he does. And for such a complex character, theres still enough room for him to be the butt of so many jokes. *laughs* *cries*

I feel like a lot of SLBP readers cant get a handle on him right away because his character wasnt built w the same formula as the others:

basic trope + arbitrary quirk + primary ambition supported by tragic backstory

Hideyoshi has motivations that conflict with each other, many different insecurities, questions what success even is. He’s hard to predict, and even as readers we dont trust him right away. I didnt care for him at first, but now i look for every time he throws a wrench in the gears because no one else does it the same way or for the same reason. Sometimes he just makes trouble to distract himself from that existential crisis always in his periphery.

Didnt mean to get too heavy abt that…

Anyways his CGs are always cute and happy, his epilogues are consistently good (except for the alcohol one that we’d all prefer to forget), and i managed to get enough monkeys in his lottery to fill every space in my castle and it was awesome.

#slbp #samurai love ballad party

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whippedforkook · 3 years ago

Text

I don’t really have anything to say before the cut lol

spoilers/reactions below

I FUCKING LOVE THE WAY YOU START THIS CHAPTER OFF. I think it’s a really strong- beginning with Jungkook’s ‘rules’ and segue into him being lost in the park. 💯

you. bundled up in a hoodie, no makeup, tongue sticking out while you work to get the shading of that wilted tree just right. it's a public place, there are people out on the streets, cars whizzing past, but jungkook still feels like he's stumbled upon something private, intimate even - so beautiful do you look, so simple and candid. just you in your own little world. his fingers practically itch for a camera.

ALSLSKSHKLSJAJAAHSJDgk

...leaf in his hair and all.

LMFAOOO

...round eyes blinking at you through his hair innocently like he isn't all hard edges and stiff lines from the shoulders down.

Kill me 🥵💀

"or do i have to reach level fifty before unlocking your tragic backstory?"

"try level one hundred,"

Absolute perfection.

you're still in denial all the way to the movie theatre, right up until hoseok pays for the tickets and the popcorn and the good coke.

Lmao! But also... *whispers* wdym by the good coke? 😂

"i'll buy you flowers for as long as you'll let me."

HOBI. *swoons*

[jungkook 9:42pm] my plan is to run with the cute thing until i evolve. charmander was cute in the beginning too but then he becomes charizard n everyones like woahhh

[you 9:43pm] are you literally 7 yrs old. am i talkin to ash ketchum rn

[jungkook 9:43pm] pls dont be silly noona ash was 10

[you 9:45pm] so older than u then

[jungkook 9:49pm] can we stop talking abt pokemon now im trying to flirt

[you 9:50pm] dont say that or ur ash hyung will be sad

I am CACKLING. Loudly. My neighbors can probably hear me 😂😂😂😂 I’m fucking dead; this is comedic gold.

so what did hobi do?" he asks simply. "eat the nuggets off your plate? propose a threesome before the third date? wear denim on denim?"

"...one of those is not like the other, tae."

"you're right. if he took your nuggets the fucker wouldn't be even be alive right now."

Damn, I was still fucking laughing about ‘Ash hyung’ and you hit me with this 😂😂😂 I CAN’T.

The entire scene where JK finds MC in the rain and picks her up is so... achingly beautiful. I love it. I think about it a lot. It really stays with me. I think it’s a really powerful part of the story; it’s such a vulnerable moment that she just happens to be now sharing with JK and although he’s unsure of himself, he navigates it quite well.

you wait for it; the spiel of expletives that usually follows when you divulge your past. how your former family don't deserve you, how you should turn your back on them just as they did to you, how wrong they were and how much better off you are in the long run. all things that you whole-heartedly agreed with, if you didn't you wouldn't be here. but moving on isn't a straight line. forgetting isn't like waiting for a pin to drop.

Yup. This. Exactly this. 💯

“…i can't help you with the other stuff, but i can help you with that."

😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️ literally this is so kind and special and shit like this means a lot.

Just. Sheer perfection. The entire fucking chapter. So many complicated things going on here and you write them so deftly. Like. Girl. Your mind. I’ve read this fic more times than I can count and it just never disappoints. It’s always good and it always makes me feel the way it did the first time I read it. ❤️

p.s. this formatting is probably a fucking mess I did this on mobile.

just one (iii)

notes: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

warnings: eventual smut, swearing, bad habits (mentions of drinking, smoking etc)

genre: humour, drama, romance, college!au

wordcount: 7.3k

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

contrary to popular belief, jungkook does set some rules for himself. he doesn’t have many, but the ones he does have he’s strict about.

the first was no drunks in his jeep. he already broke that rule by allowing you and your friend seulgi in, so maybe that was out the window. impressive too, because he hasn’t let anyone in his truck that hammered since jimin after taehyung’s 21st. he threw up all over the dashboard and jungkook could swear he smelt vomit in there for months. even though he’s sensitive to smell and hates repeating the same mistakes, jungkook decided you were worth the risk.

which brings him to his second rule: messing around with girls was just that. messing around. every time he needs reminding of that jungkook remembers the cactus plant taehyung gave him back during his very first semester. he killed that thing in record timing to the point where even taehyung wondered if there was a malevolent spirit in the place, because how else could you kill a cactus? it perfectly depicted jungkook’s most telling trait: he can’t look after things. look out for things, sure. he can step into a fight if his friend needed help or walk an old lady to her car with groceries. because those were a one off, in-the moment things that jungkook is good at navigating. but long term things? investing himself? he could barely stomach his own emotions for a weekend let alone someone else’s, so it really was a recipe for disaster for everyone involved. get in, get out, get going onto the next. that way everybody wins.

and that neatly bleeds into his final rule: no bringing girls back to his place (if he can help it). jungkook preferred to keep his personal and personal personal life separate, so the less girls knew about him outside the bedroom the better. besides, it’s not like he’s totally unreasonable - if his place was closest and the situation called for it, then fair enough. but that was hardly ever the case.

which is why he’s here: stumbling around the park in the middle of the day, totally and utterly lost. he was sure he had taken this shortcut once or twice before but apparently he was wrong, because he didn’t even know this half of the park existed.

“the fuck is this place,” jungkook mutters to himself, shifting as best as he can through a patch of long grass. he’s pretty sure he’s got a twig in his shirt somewhere and he doesn’t even want to think about that squishy thing he just stepped in. his dick may have had a blast last night (and this morning) but the timbs on his feet had definitely seen better days.

jungkook had been wandering around for so long now he considers calling the girl who’s place he’d just left in hopes of getting some directions…but then realised he didn’t have her number. and even if he did, what would he say? i made you cum faster than you could spell out my name but now i need you to fish me out of the park like a lost dog? and then the next hurdle: what was her name again? jane? joy? jill? it quickly becomes irrelevant when jungkook gets through the end of weeds and broken branches to an open plain of grass again. it’s a cloudy day so it wasn’t particularly beautiful to look at, but he’s just happy to be out of the mess of trees. looking out to the large pond of water just where the steepness of a hill stops, he double-takes when he sees that the person sitting atop it is…you.

you. bundled up in a hoodie, no makeup, tongue sticking out while you work to get the shading of that wilted tree just right. it’s a public place, there are people out on the streets, cars whizzing past, but jungkook still feels like he’s stumbled upon something private, intimate even - so beautiful do you look, so simple and candid. just you in your own little world. his fingers practically itch for a camera.

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#jungkook x reader #jungkook smut #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fuckboy au #jungkook college au #bts fic #bts fanfic

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tommykaine · 7 years ago

Text

Till Death Do Us Part ramblings

Now that I’ve been tinkering with the game for a bit (two days I have no shame) I feel that I can ramble a bit about it

Warnings for assorted spoilers under the cut and also mentions of things of distasteful nature due to the game in question

First things first I’m gonna get this out of the way because I know it’s just unescapable: whether this is “another BTD”, and just the general comparison that is bound to happen between the two BTD games and TDDUP.

My answer to that is no, it’s very much not “BTD 3 but with a different name”.

Yes, the “genre” is of the same nature, and the way the game functions is similar (but it’s a visual novel pretty much, all visual novels have multiple choices and different story outcomes at the end depending on previous choices). However, there are significant differences, enough to make me come to the conclusion that this is only superficially related to the first games.

Firstly, TDDUP is a lot more story-driven. You still have several choices, but there is a lot more reading involved than in the BTD games. Besides the amount of text, however, the main difference is with the MC:

In BTD, the MC was more or less a blank state. Yes, there was a hint of pre existing characterization (in BTD 1 we know they are a drinker and have trouble socializing) and some that would come up depending on the choices (in one route it comes up that the BTD 2 MC likes to paint, for example), but for the most part, you could imagine whatever backstory and it would fit.

In TDDUP, you still have room for your own headcanons and some degree of customization (name and gender - note that the gender option influences more than just pronouns/titles. If you want to headcanon the MC as a pre-op trans character you might want to pick the “they” option), but there is a whole pre-existing set-up that is different in each story.

So basically in BTD it was more like the MC was a self-insert/your own OC in a story, whereas in TDDUP it’s more like you are playing a pre-existing character.

Same with the relationships - in BTD, you’re just getting to know the guys, and even with the more “romantic” outcomes there is no pre-set relationship. In TDDUP, each pairing has a more specific setting. Either you’ve recently escaped a relationship with an obsessive partner who just can’t let you go, or you’re the main asshole in what ends up being a mutually destructive relationship, or you’re in a loving marriage that is suddenly shattered by a dangerous secret. The same is true in the scenarios with Aria and Ellen, albeit a bit less so in Ellen case as she knows about you but you barely do.

Another major difference is that in BTD, your “goal” was to survive (even if that was not the real goal for most of the players let’s be real ;) ). Most of the endings involved the MC being killed for failing, with a few harder to get ones where you get to survive (albeit how “good” of an ending you’d get was quite arguable). In TDDUP however, there isn’t really a “goal” towards getting any specific ending. In one of the routes it’s not possible to be killed in the first place so all endings are survival endings, in another there are a few death endings but they’re not necessarily the most likely endings you’re gonna get. So the “goal” is not really to survive, but to advance the story (or for a “final goal”, to unlock all the endings and get the bonus content, if you’re a completionist).

Finally, there is as far as I can tell no connection between the BTD characters and the TDDUP characters. Whereas in BTD 2, you had some characters being connected to and/or mentioning BTD 1 characters, so there was an explicit connection between the stories. In fact, TDDUP might not even take place in the same universe as the BTD games, as evidenced by the fact that there are no supernatural elements in it (even Strade, who was the closest to a “regular human” you’d get in the BTD universe aside from the MCs, had a supernatural creature as a pet).

There are some other differences (the obvious one being that this is @electricpuke’s fully own creation of course) but I think that these are the main ones that bring me to consider TDDUP as a completely different creation than the two BTD titles, rather than a spin off or a sequel in all but name.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m gonna talk about some of my first impressions. Please note that this is all very subjective and mostly based on personal taste!

I’m also using pronouns based on which ones I picked in each route, as those are kind of my own “headcanon” for the situations, so it’s not gonna be gender neutral in all of them for that reason.

Also, this is where the most spoilery part starts, so be warned for that!

My first reaction was that I really loved the first endings I got for both Chris and Jack. They are also my two favourites out of the four characters, followed by Aria and Marcus. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t get into Ellen (no pun intended). Her storyline just didn’t click with me for some reason.

I think my absolute favourite storyline and pair out of the three might be the one with Jack (unfortunately he hates the memes - btw the first time I arrived at the “stab me daddy” option I was unable to continue for like 5 mins cause I was just stuck there laughing at it). I’m a sucker for fictional serial killers, and as unrealistic as that’d be IRL I love the “one exception” type of dynamic with a serial killer and another character. I really liked how Jack was genuinely in love with the MC, the fact that it wasn’t just an act for him to act like the caring husband. In my first playthrough with him my character was trying to reach out to his caring side, to still accept him to some degree, but in the end Jack couldn’t kill him nor keep him - therefore, the only thing he could do was leave. It was really sad, but I liked that ending the most. I was expecting to prefer the one where MC snaps and comes to love the twisted side of Jack (for example the survival ending in BTD 1 where MC snaps and joins Sano as a fellow killer is still my favorite one out of all the endings in that game) but I actually didn’t. I didn’t dislike it, but I didn’t love it either.

I just really like that the ending where he leaves was the closest Jack could get to a genuine love for his partner, as he realizes he cannot have him like he’d want to, and that MC will never see him in the same way he did before, but he doesn’t want to kill him to save himself from the consequences, so the only thing he can do is leave.

The first ending I got with Chris (by the way I hadn’t understood from the warnings that the temperament referred to how MC acted, so I went in thinking “I kind of want my character to be a dick to him” and it turned out that was exactly the case, lol) was the one where he gets his revenge, then he just leaves. It felt like the best culmination of their dynamic, honestly. It just was doomed to not end well, and in the end it doesn’t - not because Chris kills MC or tells him off and says they both need help, but he just has had enough, and that’s it. There’s no closure, no lesson to learn, no attempt to salvage what’s left. MC destroyed what they had built together and was left with nothing, and no one to blame for that but himself - if he even could have the self-awareness to do that.

I also really like the ending where he decides to leave but explains you why, and you repent for your actions but too late, which is probably the closest thing to an actual good ending you can get in the entire game with any character. Arguably the one where you stay together and agree to work on your issues is the “actual good ending” but I’m honestly too jaded to believe it. In my opinion it’s just not going to work out, either MC is going to slip back into his old habits and Chris will either tolerate it or break it off, or if things go a bit better then they’re just gonna end up breaking up because they each bring out the worst in the other. It’s also why it’s not one of my favourites, even if I do like it. My third favourite is the one where Chris turns himself in, which is also the saddest in my opinion. MC doesn’t have the self awareness nor the care to realize their wrong-doings in years (unless someone else forces them to), yet Chris cannot cope with what he has done in maybe a couple days, he’d rather face the consequences of that and be done with it. You could argue there is a big disproportion between what Chris and MC did, but also consider that especially in Aria’s route it comes up that MC sexually assaults Chris, and we do not know whether MC has ever been physically abusive as well, plus MC has been abusing Chris for years whereas Chris snaps after years of mistreatment from pretty much everyone (not saying he’s right to be violent, in an IRL situation no one would be innocent, but in the contest of the story it’s hard to argue that Chris is the one to blame).

I don’t love any of Aria’s endings to the same extent, but I do like her route nonetheless. I think my favourite ending is the one where you are trapped in her basement until you die and she wants both herself and Chris to forget about you. It’s just so tragic and twisted, plus it low-key references Poe so that’s a plus (I loved the Poe reference in BTD 2 too - sorry for comparing the games again but I’m just a sucker for this kind of thing, plus The Pit and The Pendulum is my favorite of Poe’s tales). I like how her confrontation of the MC comes both from a loving place but also from a selfish one - that’s why you don’t get any “good” endings in her route, not even a sad one. She never actually wants MC to do things right, she just wants her gone so that she can no longer hurt her brother, and she wants her to pay for what she has done.

I kind of would have liked to have a survival ending in which she keeps MC for herself but I definitely understand why that’s not an option. Probably wouldn’t have suited the storyline if there was.

Still, if there is ever a TDDUP 2 or another game involving murder husbandos/waifus, I’d love it if we got a femdom route with that option, JS ;P

I liked Marcus’s route, but just not as much as the other ones. It’s the first one I tried, so if I didn’t like it at all I might not have been so inclined to play the others, but I think it just was overshadowed by how much I liked Jack’s and Chris’s routes. So it’s not like I can find any specific fault to it, I just loved the other ones too much, lol. I definitely liked John’s character too (he’s the one true Cinnamon Roll) and his relationship to the MC. Which works very well to make all of the outcomes for MC all the more tragic.

I like that there are ONLY survival endings to his route. MC doesn’t get to escape their fate, not even by dying. They *are* going to stay with Marcus whether they like it or not. The closest they can get to a “good” ending is by getting mindbroken and accepting the situation, which is arguably the “worst” ending you can possibly get as in all of the other ones MC does at least retain their determination.

As I’ve mentione before, I’m not a great fan of Hellen. I think the ending I liked the most is the one where she lets MC go because she is now obsessed with both Jack and his wife. I don’t foresee a good future for MC there XDOverall, I just wasn’t as invested. I wonder if maybe if I had played her route before Jack I would have liked it more, as by that point I was so enamoured by the Jack/MC dynamic, and maybe I just saw her as getting in the way of that? No idea. I ended up using guides to get most of her endings to see if my opinion of her changed, but it didn’t make much of a difference, aside from the aforementioned survival ending.

That’s just me though, I’ve seen other posts from people who really liked her! I’m glad she’s there for those who do, I’m just not going to be one of her fans XD sorry.

Overall, I really liked the game, might play around with it more (especially if I draw or write something with the characters), it definitely was an experience that I’d like to repeat and a great early Christmas surprise as I only found out about it the other day XD

I’ll definitely be looking forward to other games from EP, whether to continue from where this left off, or to see something new entirely.

#TDDUP spoilers #TDDUP game #not really a review as much as my assorted ramblings on the subject #i just was so hyped up about it and had to let it out lol

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