#i lack the will or energy to do anything. i am like one of those organisms that can barely be called a living being

[skunkes]

I wont speak much bc idk ur situation like u do but. U r not lazy, ur in survival mode, i came from a similar environment and the only thing i could muster up energy for was. To sit at my computer all day. Couldnt even play games most of the time, just rotting in front of a screen watching mind numbing shit bc it took ALL of my energy just staying alive in an incredibly stressful, toxic environment. Just existing was exhausting. It makes me so sad to see u talk abt urself like that when i know the exact feeling.... its not laziness its mental exhaustion!! Laziness isnt even a real thing. I hope im not preachy it just. Idk i went thru smth so similar it just rly hits close to home and i was so self-depreciating which only made it 1000x worse... ur body and mind are doing their best they just need rest bc theres So Much. Sorry if im overstepping or anything auu

i've been told dis by others also, and i really appreciate it ^_^ but idk! i feel if everyone cld see a live feed of one day in my life everyone wld laugh at me LOL my life is not difficult, i am not in any horrible situation... i really dont think it is the same...! i Am lazy...

[zhongrin]

caution: these toys aren’t kids-friendly

◇ characters ◇ zhongli, wriothesley, al haitham, kaeya

◇ tags ◇ minors dni, afab!reader, fem!reader, toys (duh), improper use of geo (thanks crys), dragon!li (because..... are you even surprised?), edging (zhongli, wriothesley), 'little one' used (zhongli), handcuffs & collar (wriothesley), 'puppy' and 'slut' used (wriothesley), shibari (al haitham), sex machine (kaeya)

◇ a/n ◇ an offering before wrio's banner drops. was debating on releasing this today or the end of this week, but..... wrio come home please i am begging

𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 ⬙ 𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡

the addition of toys in your bedroom was something you both had discussed beforehand. typical of zhongli, to draft a contract detailing all the things you were both comfortable and not comfortable doing in the bedroom, right after you mentioned that you were ready to be physically intimate with him.

you really should have read the fine print in that contract carefully.

“- my love?”

“h-huh?”

you dazedly looked up at your husband, feeling your already-warm cheeks getting warmer at the expectant look that he and another man were giving you.

was he talking to you? what was the question? where the hell were you again?

“hm, my apologies, it seems like my wife isn’t feeling well. perhaps we will revisit your establishment at a later date, mr. curator. i truly do apologize for the inconvenience.”

you were not even sure what the other party said. all you could hear was the smooth baritone of your husband’s voice. all you could think was how good he could make you feel with that eloquently speaking mouth and lithe tongue of his, those long slender fingers, the two girthy, veiny, deliciously ridged shape of his-

that same voice was now whispering just slightly above your ears, and to others it must have looked like you were both a very loving couple; a husband hunched over his wife, supporting her and bringing her to the nearest shade in this hot weather while lovingly murmuring sweet nothings into her ears - because what else would the gentlemanly mr. zhongli whisper into his dearest spouse?

literal filth, that’s what.

“my my, the amount of slick running down your thighs, darling,” he chuckled as he let you rest against the cooling shades by the side of a building, his gloved fingers trailing up your inner thigh behind your skirt to gather the essence of your drooling cunt, “how scandalous. had i were just a second too late, people would have noticed the suspicious trail of wetness on your leg despite the lack of rain or anything of sort-”

“want you,” you babbled, brain stuffed full of cotton as you tried to press yourself against him, “n-not enough, want more!!”

“was the toy i personally created just for you not enough, hmm? how greedy,” he was fully taunting you now, amused by the sparks of arousal in your voice and in the short bursts of your breathing, “didn’t you say you could wait until we get home, dear? i’m afraid our abode isn’t some decrepit back alley, now, is it?”

“no, no, now, now,” you whimpered like a saddened puppy, trying to grind on his thigh, the soft vibration of the little geo construct within your walls providing pleasure which made your insides clench, but they fell short of pushing you over that precipice.

“you’re so impatient.”

you gasped as the object inside you suddenly whirred into life, pressing against the right spots and pulsing with a powerful energy you couldn't describe. your cunt clamped around it, more slick pouring down and dripping onto zhongli’s slacks, your cries muffled by your lover who had locked his lips onto yours, tongue inviting you to a sensual dance as your senses were drowning in mind-bending pleasure. his scent engulfed you and the tender fondles of his hand on your thigh contrasted with the passionate kiss you shared, and all you could think was how much better it would feel to have him inside you - oh, even just one of his cocks would do at this point. anything that could fill you up so nicely and bully onto your sweetest spots as your husband’s growls echo right beside your ear - as he marked, mated, and bred you full of his-

and then suddenly he pulled away, shattering your daydream completely. the vibrations returned into an annoying hum, and tears threatened to spill from your eyes as zhongli fixed his tie and your rumpled clothes, his touch sending electric jolts whenever it brushed against your heated bare skin. he gave you a deceivingly kind and patient smile, amber eyes drooping in dark lust yet his movements were as refined as ever.

“come on then, little one. let us go home so i can take care of you properly, yes?”

wriothesley hummed as the metals clicked into place. the view before him was making his cock twitch and throb; the way your face was smushed against the pillow, the dip of your bare back and the roundness of your rear, the way your legs spread open and wrists cuffed with his signature handcuffs… and most of all, your bare cunt in all its drooling mess, completely exposed to him as he rubbed his leaking tip on the sodden slit.

whines and pleas and begs escaped your lips but he paid them no mind. you gave him full control when you agreed to be restrained in this position with the new cuffs he had gotten you. the leather looked ethereal against your wrists, and the way it matched so well with the collar on your neck, embellished with his insignia? truly the most divine sight.

the pleased noise escaping his throat was akin to a growl as he slowly pushed into your heat, his smirk widening as he felt you tighten and tremble. the slow drag of his girth against your walls was driving you insane, but the man refused to acknowledge your desperate ‘more’s. instead, his hand crawled down your stomach from behind, and you felt a cold finger press onto your swollen, burning-hot clit, ripping a surprised and needy squeal from you.

the appendage circled slowly, the cold of cryo making his action feel even more pronounced, as the blunt tip of his shaft slowly kissed the deepest part of you with sensual and rough snaps of his hips. the wet sounds coming from the minimal movements were a testament to how aroused and desperate you were for release.

“look at you, puppy… so wet you’re leaking. how dirty,” he drawled as he continued to stimulate both of your sensitivity, watching intently as your ass and thighs rippled with how your body shook and from his hard but short thrusts, “you feel so good, though… i can fuck this tight pussy for hours on end. would you like that, puppy? will that finally satiate my needy little slut? will you finally learn to behave when you’re so overstimulated, all you can do is cry for my cock and beg for my cum?”

the duke smirked when your cunt clenched at his words. even without seeing how you were nodding frantically, it was enough of an answer to him.

“guess we’ll have to find out… but don’t worry - i don’t expect you to learn your lesson in one session.”

‘it’s not like you’re losing anything by doing this’ he said. ‘shouldn’t take that long’ he said. ‘just enough to sate my curiosity’ he said.

well, firstly, al haitham was, as always, correct. but apparently he was also a liar, and you had severely underestimated the curiosity of an esteemed scholar of one of the akademiya’s bests. maybe you should start paying attention to the books he read. how in the world had you failed to notice that your boyfriend had been reading books upon books regarding the art of shibari?

and of course, like the scholar that he was, he wished to do some 'hands-on practice' now that he had committed the theory to heart. and who would be a better partner than you? a personal curiosity should be sated by personally trusted individuals, and you were perfect for the job.

“you said- you said it’s not gonna take l-long…”

he blinked up at your tied form through those pretty lashes with a hungry gaze which was far from being satiated. intricate knots and green ropes pressed against your skin, some digging insistently as you consciously struggled against the bindings. predatory eyes gazed upon you - a delicious prey willingly caught in a trap.

“time is a construct. it seems like our definitions of ‘long’ are vastly different. an unfortunate miscalculation i should have foresighted; my mistake.”

if the monotonous words weren’t enough indication of how he was clearly not feeling bad about his actions, his next action showed it. fingers lightly brushed against your chest, rubbing against the pebbled nipples as he admired the way your breasts looked against the bindings. your beloved raised his eyebrows when the slightest touch made you shiver and moan in anticipation, a smirk tugging at the edge of his lips.

“ah, i see. i suppose it’s quite boring on your part to just stay there and be restrained like this. my apologies, it seems i have neglected to put myself in your shoes,” al haitham’s eyes soften and he presses a gentle kiss onto your forehead, his bare hands slowly inching towards the section of the rope which was particularly drenched with your arousal.

“let me make it up to you.”

“ready?”

“mm…”

“oh, snowflake,” kaeya chuckled and placed a reassuring kiss on your jawline, thumb caressing your chin comfortingly, “don’t you worry, it’s going to feel really good, and we can stop anytime. you know i would never do anything you wouldn’t like.”

“i know,” you mumbled and replied to your lover’s reassurance with a peck on his lips.

with an approving hum, the cavalry captain fiddled with the remote in his hand. the resounding beep was followed by a soft whirr of the engine turning on, and you gasped as the lubricated toy slowly entered you, before it retracted at the same speed and repeated the motion. a warm hand that contrasted against the cold mechanical motion reached under you to continue his ministrations from before, caressing your inner thigh sensually before feathering across your lower lips.

“mmhm- f-feels good…!”

“yeah?” your boyfriend chuckled as he continues to circle your clit with his experienced fingers, “think you can take more?”

you shivered and nodded. kaeya rewarded you with a kiss to your temple and soon enough you felt the machine speeding up a notch, thrusting into you moderately fast now, the sound of your wet arousal vivid in your ears and resonating within your shared bedroom, causing more warmth to explode on your face.

“ooh, look at that, you’re taking it so well. feels good, doesn’t it, baby?”

with an agreeing whimper, you slumped against kaeya’s body, surrendering to his flighty touches which added warmth to the pleasurable but coldly mechanical toy.

“archons, you look so pretty like this…,” he crooned against your heated skin, eyes twinkling with mirth and mischief, “now, let’s see how long you’ll last before you start begging for my cock.”

© zhongrin | 2023 ◆ no repost. reblogs much appreciated. feel free to reach out to submit suggestions, feedback, comments, or if you just want to talk!

◇ taglist ◇ @genshinparty | @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sophiethewitch1 | @why-am-i-here-someone-save-me | @sunnshineflxwer | @heartonthemoon | @yuutasbabe | @percyval-archives | @carbs-need-more-love | @rebeccka | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @herdrops | @diebischesther | @marina-and-the-memes | @angryhope | @mixed-kester | @shuangxo | @fiannee | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ladylofspades | @sup-zfam | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @nachotrash | @algrimmammon | @sassy-cat-in-town | @syrenkitsune | @smokipoki | @pvbbyb0y | @shipperxchaos | @crystalflygeo | @n3r0-1417 | @ciexuvia | @illaasya | @justawalkingdisaster | @celestewritestoomuch

[onismdaydream]

no no i see the vision - nanami teaching yuji patience… discipline. yuuji who’s so eager and excited and nanami just reigns him in, its unspoken but nanami is in charge and when his voice cuts through the moans and whimpers as yuuji gets carried away…..

anon i am kissing u omg thank u...

this is so messy but my brain just kept going ! so um ramble under the cut :3

yeah exactly like. the first time yuji meets you, he absolutely falls in love. doesn't even realize it, he just becomes obsessed with you. you just look so cute and perfect.. soft little dog ears and that cute little tail that always wags so fast... you're so affectionate too, licking and kissing yuji as soon as nanami introduces him to you. because of course, if your owner trusts yuji, then he must be a good person.

i think nanami knows he has to go away for a longer mission, knows that he can't leave you alone for that long, so he asks yuji to do him a favor, to take care of his puppy. not only is yuji eager to please his mentor (i thought i told you not to call me that.), but hes always been curious to spend more time with you, so he easily agrees and finds himself packing his stuff to stay with you. (nanami is not letting his sweet puppy stay with yuji in his own apartment - he's seen how yuji lives)

and because you're so precious to nanami, he takes the time to show yuji how exactly to take care of you - what you are going to expect from the pink haired sorcerer. when you eat and what you like to eat, how to help you bathe and get dressed and how you like your hair brushed, anything to make sure your schedule doesn't get messed up. your owner might spoil you a bit, but can you blame him? (i think nanami just wants to take care of someone, so he does spoil and baby you a bit, but you don't complain one bit)

yuji listens intently to everything nanami says, wanting to earn your trust and prove himself to his mentor even more. he blushes when nanami mentions bathing, though the older man says that you should be able to do it on your own, sometimes you still ask for help - something your owner could never refuse.

the puppy-sitting for lack of a better word, goes relatively smoothly. yuji gives nanami updates for when he can check his phone and on the night before your owner comes home, you video call him. nanami's face instantly relaxes as you come on screen, grinning from ear to ear. you tell him how much you love yuji (not as much as you love nanami of course), hugging his arm and pressing a sweet kiss to his cheek, and you ask if yuji can visit more.

and nanami, never able to say no when you look at him with those big eyes and pouty lips, allows yuji to spend more time with you. it works out because nanami sometimes doesn't have the energy after long work days to give you the attention you deserve and ask for. so yuji steps in. yuji has a bit more free time and a lot more energy to play with you and take you out around the city.

but then, your heat hits you when nanami is at work. he asked yuji to check on you and tell you that he'll be home an hour or so late. yuji finds you in nanami's room, hips frantically humping his pillow as you whine and cry. he immediately calls nanami and tells him what he saw (apologizing because he feels guilty, especially because he might've stared longer than he should've..), but instead of getting berated like yuji believed he would, nanami asks him if he could comfort you in some way. just until nanami could get home and properly take care of you.

thats how you ended up grinding your drippy cunt on yuji's thigh, his cock straining against his shorts as he tries desperately to not lose control. nanami said he could do anything that you asked him to (within reason) but yuji still felt guilty, felt like he was taking advantage of you. you whine and pant, drool falling from your mouth as you get off for the nth time, though it's still not enough. you're about to try begging yuji to fuck you again when nanami comes home, your ears instantly perking up as you hear the lock jingle, though you don't run towards him like yuji expected. no, you keep grinding your hot core on him.

and nanami doesn't stop you either. he asks you how you feel, big hands gentle on your overheated face as you cry out for more, tears springing in your eyes. yuji feels entirely out of place, feels like he's intruding, but you bury your face in his neck and plead for him to help you. "p-please, need to be fucked, yuji, please."

you sound so pretty, how could either of them deny you? so nanami instructs yuji on exactly what you like, his fist around his thick cock as he watches the pink haired sorcerer slide himself into you, his eyes fluttering shut at the warmth surrounding his length. yuji wants to move fast, needs to move fast with the way you're squeezing him, but nanami's stern voice makes him savor it. telling him to go slower, to make sure that you really feel everything yuji's giving you. and yuji always listens to nanami (well, as much as he can..), so he does. he slows his hips, full and lazy thrusts that make each inch feel even longer, each drag against your spongy spot even more intense. nanami tells yuji to spit on his hand and rub your clit, so yuji spits and rubs, keen eyes watching your expressions to find the right movement.

the way your pussy tightens around him when you cum makes him grit his teeth, a hiss slipping through as he tries to not bust his load. but god, you feel so good. you look so pretty, too. it feels like an eternity before your walls relax, letting him slip out. he's done this before, always pulls out and strokes his cock to finish, it's what's expected of him. but nanami's voice stops him once again.

"did i tell you to stop?"

[mecub]

It is past 1am and I am thinking about @somerandomdudelmao’s Marble Sky, and this lightly bonked my writers block on the head for long enough that I wrote a little thing.

The world is green. Green, bleeding from the lights and from his insides and from the space where—

—

Ward wakes up shaking, crumpled on the floor like an old paper someone couldn’t be bothered to throw away. 

The world. Is green. Green and pretty, green with plants and vines, but for a moment something inside of him screams like something’s clamped over his mouth and his blood is burning and—

But it’s not green like that. Here, the green isn’t the immediate threat. The threat is one of them, bigger than him and probably put there to make sure he doesn’t try to escape.

“Oh. You aren’t dead,” the alien says.

That’s… not reassuring. But also not the threat he’d been expecting?

“Are you by any chance one of the talking ones?”

Something is wrong. Everything is blurry, and when he goes to rub his eyes, he finds gauze and okay, that. That is going to be a problem for later. Once he’s safe. Once he can let panic overwhelm him without the lack of attention putting him at risk of—

“I am,” he says.

“Cool. So they found another civilization to destroy. Hungry?”

Them. Like this alien, this alien who looks so much like them, doesn’t trust them. 

It’s ridiculous, but at this point? Ward just wishes he could’ve just been thrown in a normal prison cell. Just one normal, reasonable thing that made sense would’ve been nice. And yet, he’s sitting in vegetable prison with someone who might be an ally but is also probably very much not anyone Ward can trust. How does someone even end up in vegetable prison?

“What’s with all these greens?” he asks, because he can’t just demand answers. “Are you in jail for being the only vegetarian here or something?”

Good ole sarcasm. A great way to be eaten by aliens! Hey, maybe they consider humans a vegetable.

“You’re radiating negative energy at me.”

No shit. “Wanna guess why?”

“Hey, I’m not with those— Wait!”

Uh oh.

“You said greens! You know what color is?”

Um?

“You must have eyes!” And then the alien moves towards him, without a second thought, like they know anything he does, running away or fighting or yelling for help, won’t do anything. Ward flinches away from their outstretched hand. 

(An outstretched hand, moving towards his neck, slicing him open like the specimen he was. An outstretched hand, with his blood on it, and he couldn’t move couldn’t fight it couldn’t—)

“Yes. So?” he snaps.

“Can I touch you?”

“Wh— No.” No.

“Please,” the alien says, “I won’t hurt you. I swear.”

Ward… could try saying no again. He could try to move away, try to talk about this, try to save himself from whatever’s going to happen. He wants to, he really wants to.

But. Sculptor didn’t listen, didn’t care, he just cut into him with a smile. And this one is larger than him, and they said they wouldn’t hurt him, they swore it, they asked for a favor, they look desperate, so maybe, maybe he’ll be safe. Maybe this will keep the alien from dropping whatever this act of an ally is.

The world is green, and Ward reaches out a hand and says, “Here. Happy?”

And the alien reaches out a hand and— 

And lightly touches his. Gently. 

—

The world is green. And in the middle of it is someone who looks a lot like him.

[minsh0e]

mini astrology observations 2/?

hi hi ! i am back with another mini astrology observations. I want to thank you all for such an amazing reaction to my “work”, and for all your positive/negative comments that you left for me. these opinions make me realize a lot and will definitely make me grow further in the future… before you move on to the reading, i want to say, that I am not a professional, so take everything lightly. as always, have fun reading <3

p.s. - photos are mine :)

...

☆ people with empty 1st house may lack life guidance or be less aggressive while voicing their opinions. on the contrary though, they might judge people based on their personality and manners, not appearance or first impressions.

☆ libra risings literally don’t have to wear makeup as they look/feel better without it

☆ in my first/last observations, i talked about the mars and/trine venus synastry and how it can be the first thing that pulls you in. in this case, mars represents the man and venus represents the woman. last time, i talked about how i got attracted to the men, who have mars in the same element as my venus but i haven´t mentioned, that all of them had virgo mars...

i have a theory of mine (that i observed on me and others) in which venus mostly gets attracted to the mars sign of same element that is positioned clockwise (e.g. scorpio -> cancer) and mars mostly gets attracted to the venus that is positioned anti-clockwise (cancer -> scorpio)…i have, however, observed this on people who are attracted to the opposite gender not the same gender, therefore, i can’t really tell you nothing about how this works for homosexuals.

-> please let me know what you think about this/what are your experiences if you have time :)

☆ this is a very random observation that you can skip if you want to…our dog it considered to be beautiful by most of the people we met/meet. he has shiny, colorful fur, symmetrical face and body color placements. i decided to check out his natal chart for fun and found out, that he has libra venus in 5th house…interpret this as you want, but i guess, that you can really apply astrology to anything :)

☆ people with sagittarius mars are the ones, who love the sports/movement the most. they are amazing at doing anything physical, so you can literally see them being great at any sport…even if they do it for the first time. they may be interested in a lot different kinds too.

☆ those with lilith in 8th house get sexualized/objectified a lot. if you have lilith (or any other lilith) in this house, you were most likely introduced to the “sexual” more early in your life and matured more faster then your other peers. also, you might be randomly called/shouted at by other disrespectful people on the streets…i was really surprised to find out, that this is not really talked about that much, so here i am…

☆ another observation i talked about in past were pisces/12th house placements. i talked about how sleepy and tired they can get without any specific reason but let me tell you…all the water signs/house placements get like this and it's mostly because of said no reason or when they get tired just by thinking about working on something/having to describe something to the other person. they treasure their energy and how they spend it.

☆ degrees are a very important part of reading an astrology…if you have time, please learn/read about them

…

the end.

these observations were slightly shorter, so i am sorry about that :(

again, feel free to leave your feedback :)

[pzychojinx]

so, jinx in act one of season two. see, for three years i expected a full on descent into chaos and madness beyond any repair. i'd made peace with that, too. so i'm surprised - pleasantly, joyfully surprised.

very long analysis ahead on where they're taking her and how it speaks to me.

we first meet her again during silco's eulogy sequence - a beautiful sequence, halfway between dreamlike and real. "just like when vander shoved off", she says about his death. except it's not. after vander's death, after vi's perceived abandonment, everything jinx could feel was self-centered. she would say "she's not my sister anymore". she would devalue these people entirely. in fact, every single reaction to any action done by her loved ones would be self-centered and extreme. that is very much how her mental process works, how her trauma caused her to work. and more so: when silco would ask of her any work, any mission, she'd do the job purely for his sake, his affection, his approval, never caring about the cause.

in short, she was never able to get out of her own head for as much as a single minute. now, she starts the funeral off with "chembarons warring for control of the lanes. wannabe street thugs squabbling over scraps. just like when vander shoved off." and it's not about her abandonment anymore. it's not about being left alone. it's not about her. she's talking to silco about his city, his legacy, his world, his chembarons, his lanes. she's out of her own head, and it's the first time we ever see it.

"because someone put all those holes in you", she says then. and this is so interesting because there's obviously a dissociation here, as well as a very intense grief and sadness. we are obviously still dealing with someone who's deeply traumatized and unstable, but let's compare this with powder after the deaths of vander, mylo and claggor. powder had a full breakdown, both turned into a complete de-evaluation of vi as i was mentioning earlier and full desperation. "i only wanted to help, i only wanted to help, i only wanted to help".

this chaotic desperation is something jinx kept within herself throughout the entirety of s1 up until - the tea party. which i'm getting at, in a minute. point being, for now, that the jinx we see during silco's eulogy is grieving and lost and rootless and asking herself "what am i supposed to do with that?", but she lacks the chaotic full-on desperation that would lead her to acts of explosive destruction and/or self-destruction in s1. in fact, she's incredibly quieter. she's more grounded, more present in her movements, in the way she fights, in the way she talks.

in retrospect even her final action in s1, the infamous missile, already had the energy we're seeing now. it wasn't instinctive, driven by hallucinations or trauma or rage or an unrestrained trigger; it was silco's legacy and it was calculated. silco's death, i think now, left jinx as rootless as she's ever been, but it also left her with an acceptance of who she is. "don't cry, you're perfect". the tea party ends with her 'choosing' jinx and if you'd asked me before season two, i would have said with full certainty it meant she'd be going to be a loose cannon. entirely and with no possibility of ever being anything else. that's not what i think now.

i think she came to terms with who she is. i think now that the seat at the tea party wasn't a symbol of complete derailing, it was in a way a symbol of acceptance. "here's to the new us". she's fought her fight between powder and jinx and the tea party has permitted her to gain, in some way, a sense of closure. very importantly, having lost what she perceived as vi's acceptance, and having lost a father, she has also been able to shed the constant and desperate need to be in their favor.

during the 'sucker' sequence, we see her going through the lanes with a hood on her hair, very low-key. loose cannon jinx would have never, ever done that. loose cannon jinx would, quite simply, not have cared. she would have been extra, and explosive, and in everyone's faces. she's preserving herself not to be found, and that's new. again, i think she's still lost and rootless and grieving and really asking herself what she's supposed to do now that she's entirely autonomous and i also think there's definitely still a lot of bitterness and rage when it comes to vi which we obviously get to see during their fight and in no way is she magically ~healthy or anything like that - however.

she is still walking those streets in a way that indicates self-preservation. it would have been very, very easy for jinx to be captured by any of those goons and/or got herself killed. and for some reason, whether that be an apathetic, mourning state or mind, or whether that be some gained peace in who she is, or both - she didn't.

given all this, the new element that season two act one has introduced for her that truly moved me and made me feel... healed in a sort of way, is the introduction of human bonds for jinx that defy her historical, co-dependent mechanism of idolization and de-evaluation. ergo, sevika and isha. this is incredible for her and most of all, it's realistic. it's a chance at something, but it doesn't feel forced, nor fairytale-esque, nor does it resemble your usual ~redemption arc.

sevika and isha function as people who she's building some bond with, and since she's a little bit less in her own fucking head, and since she's not clinging to them as idealized protectors / saviours and neither is she refusing them as betrayers, and since she's not constantly fighting between what she perceives as her double identity anymore, she finally has the possibility to experience healthier bonds. sevika functions as somebody who still ties her to silco, possibly the closest thing she has right now to any root she might have left, and it works: reminiscing silco with her, gifting her the arm, doesn't leave her utterly alone but neither does it let her fall into the trap of clinging onto yet another figure from whom to fully depend.

and isha, very obviously, functions as the possibility of healing her inner child which is a goldmine for her storyline. her bond with isha could clearly have a narrative tie to jinx & silco, to jinx & vi, and most importantly to jinx and powder herself - this is all quite obvious but again, it's not executed in a way that feels like a forced 'redemption arc' or whatnot. the idea of this little street kid who just imprints on her like a lost little duckling, which is in no way jinx's decision, simply feels natural and heartwarming. does this mean i presume such healing of her inner child is going to come easy to her? no. but it's something. it's something very different from anything she's ever experienced before.

even through the loss, the rootlessness, the grief and confusion, the panic attack we see her experiencing through the lanes as a consequence of the moment she sees vi and caitlyn's enforcer squad, even through the brutality of the fight with vi, - and this is all to say, she's still a very traumatized individual, which is important because it would have just been senseless to have jinx somehow get fully stable like a switch had been flipped - we're seeing something new for jinx here. i've seen many posts related to "i'm glad it's you", and i might be unpopular here but while i do think jinx still has an element of suicidality, i also think she was at least half bluffing there. comparing her micro-expressions with the ones back on the bridge fight with ekko, i'm under the impression she was testing vi, at the very least partially. "poisoning us with gas?" is also an interesting line because even in her attack at her sister, she's less focused on her own trauma and more on something that we've hardly seen from her before - belonging to the lanes.

all of this to say, i'm loving the path they're taking for her. it's still very much jinx. it feels like jinx. but she's not just about to wreak senseless and desperate havoc in order to be seen by either her sister or her father, because there's no one to be seen by anymore. she's not fighting a desperate battle between her identities either, because she's accepted her place. she's not loud and erratic, she's quieter and coming to terms with herself. closure is truly the word that comes to mind, for me, in how i see her arc right now. closure, and unexpectedly, possibility.

[auspicioustidings]

Any version of Soap in any position of power would be soooo disgusting, calling IT Security reader at all times of the day and telling her that the speaker on his computer doesn’t work, while he’s clearly streaming some porno in the background 😭😭😭

You get it Lumi, he's a sick freak :) You also sent this while I happen to be working through 1k requests so bonus short for you <3

Back Chat

Words: 1k

CWs: non-con groping, just all around gross awful Soap

Sergeant John MacTavish was the reason you had poured over your contract for any get out clause that didn't cost you a fortune. You came up with nothing. The military had paid for a high end training course for you on the provision that if you left the role within 2 years then you had to pay every penny back.

Plus this job paid well and the benefits were great. You didn't even mind having gruff military personnel seeing fit to give you a bollocking over the phone because you would be following procedure whether they liked it or not and they could file a damn ticket if they wanted their issue looked at. Generally they were an OK bunch at heart, but rough around the edges and used to recruits eager to please them. When they realised your lack of any rank also excused you from being ordered around by anyone but your actual boss they usually mellowed out.

Of course you had made the mistake of chewing out one such gruff man after he called in a temper demanding that his laptop be fixed as a priority. Not even his work laptop, no he wanted his personal laptop fixed.

“Look MacTavish was it?”

“Sergeant MacTavish tae you.”

“No it isn't. I am not one of your soldiers. I work in IT for the military, your laptop is not military property so I'm not touching it. Use your big boy Sergeant wage and buy a new one.”

“Listen here ye wee bitch-”

You hung up on him and got on with your day right up until he physically showed up at your office on base. You handled IT for multiple bases, you had not considered that the person you had chewed out would actually work on this one. Oops.

He was a big motherfucker as well. Handsome. Crazy scary dog energy. Definitely not your usual soldier with his lack of uniform (unless jeans and a t-shirt that was so tight he was liable to tear out of it was uniform these days) and out of regulation haircut. You scrambled to try and stand but he was already looming over you in your chair, leaving you no space to do so as he settled his hands on the armrests and leaned over you to get into your face.

“I'll need tae settle for you then hen. Better make it good.”

“Excuse me?”

“The lassie on my laptop begs tae get it up the arse. Is a good girl for a thick cock pounding her tight cunt. Even when she's fucked oot her nut and ruined she still gags around a man down her throat and swallows like a proper bitch.”

You were flooded with fear and arousal. Nobody had ever spoken to you like that and you weren't entirely sure he was joking. He wouldn't actually do anything to you right? He was just being a dick because he wanted his laptop fixed. Just trying to intimidate you.

“And I bet she gets paid a lot more than me MacTavish, back off.”

Oh no. There was a feral gleam in his eye and a rabid grin that showed those sharp incisors. He clearly relished your response.

“Then I'll need to buy ye with, what was it? Right. My big boy Sergeant wage.”

He leaned in close and took a deep breath. Christ he was sniffing your currently greasy and messy hair. You hadn't showered in like 2 days, you were fucking IT, it wasn't like people usually came to physically see you in your little den.

“...I'll fix your fucking laptop oh my God just bring it by.”

“Atta girl” he all but panted into your ear before tugging at the lobe with his teeth and then fully tounging at your ear hole.

The sensation was truly the most awful thing you had ever felt. Your skin crawled and your body shivered uncomfortably as you tried to push him away from you. He chuckled and you choked on your own saliva as he firmly smacked your pussy before pulling away.

“I'll bring it right doon.”

You were left completely gobsmacked in your little office, your body hopped up on adrenaline and your cunt throbbing from the spank it had gotten and from the sick part of your mind that found the whole thing depraved and disgusting but sort of titillating.

When he brought the laptop back he hovered behind you while you worked on it, making you sweat. It was an easy enough fix and you sighed in relief and carefully avoided eye contact when you told him it was fixed.

“Ye’ll check it over, cannae be sending me away with a half done job.”

“You can see that it's working.”

He leant over, arms surrounding you so he could scroll over to open a video file. It was of a woman being railed hard from behind, drooling into the pillow and babbling for more. The wet squelch was disgusting, the man spitting down on her and smacking her already red ass.

“Speakers are fucked.”

You squirmed in your seat.

“I can hear it just fine.”

“Aye? What are ye hearing then?”

You remained silent, eyes fixed on the wall instead of on the screen. At least you were silent until he drew a yelp from you by groping one of your tits.

“Told ye, if ye cannae prove that it's fixed I'll need to settle for you. Bit shorter, softer and dirtier than my lassie mind, so got tae give it yer full effort.”

“I-It's working!”

“Prove it, what ye hearing?”

He made you replicate the whole script from each broken moan to the begging to the degrading. He was only satisfied when the whole video had run its course, by which time he had a hand on either tit, rough with how he groped and tugged.

“See now? Wisnae so hard to follow a Sergeant's orders was it?”

“No” you mumbled, crying out when he gripped your nipples through your shirt and twisted. “No Sergeant!”

He let go then, closing the lid of the laptop and standing with it to leave.

“Got an LT having trouble with his phone, he's naw as friendly as me though so best limit the back chat soldier.”

[vampirememory]

quality ✧ do you need to lower or raise your standards? [Love PAC]

Hello! I believe this is my first pick a card of 2024, I hope you appreciate the topic I chose. This is something that I recently had to recognize and deal with myself, so hopefully you find this reading helpful.

Pick a photo or a number one through three and continue reading to find your reading.

One

No, absolutely not. If anything, your standards are too low. You are like me, at least myself a few weeks/months ago when I did not value myself. You need to understand that you are 100% valuable and loved, and that there is nothing that can depreciate your value. You may have been overconsuming readings, questioning as to why you continue getting into toxic relationships or completely lack a relationship and it's because you have a negative sense of self. Listening to self-worth or self concept subliminals may help you. You are worthy of a healthy, happy relationship but you need to be healthy yourself first. Now keep in mind, healthy does not mean without illnesses. I know from my experience with depression, I will never be healthy, but you CAN have a healthy outlook on life and a healthy sense of self, which is what you are looking for. Especially for my mentally ill friends, no one (not here, at least) is expecting you to be 100% healthy but to be as healthy as you can be, if that makes sense.

Two

Girlie, I hate to tell you but your standards are high as fuck. But is that a bad thing? You tell me. To be clear, when I say girlie I am 100% being gender neutral, this reading is for everyone ^-^! You're giving boss bitch energy, but are you actually a boss bitch? One thing about having high standards is that you also need to meet those standards yourself and you need to ask yourself "would someone like that want to date me"? For example, if you're really aiming for a basketball player or the top CEO, are you actually in a mental and physical space where that will happen? Are you out on the courts, networking and integrating yourself into sports environments? Are you working your way up to the top, making connections with higher ups and building a good reputation? I think you may have good standards, but you aren't reaching them yourself or not putting yourself in environments where you'll meet said person. Also make sure you are actually maintaining those standards too. If you think education is important, and you're actively in education and want someone else who is too, why settle for someone who hates education or isn't looking to educate themselves? Things like that make all the difference. If you want to talk the talk, you need to walk the walk too.

Three

This pile gives me much softer vibes than the other two piles. Your standards and romantic requests may be more traditional, you may want the house and the kids and the white picket fence and that's totally fine! I think you're doing well in terms of your standards, you uphold them and you aren't putting yourself in situations where you are with people who are against that dream or against those standards. I do need to warn you, however, that there are a lot of exploitive people out there, especially when it comes to wanting a more traditional homelife. Waiting is a completely fine thing to do. Don't jump at the first person that looks nice and ticks all the boxes because they may be lying. I don't see terrible things happening for you but I feel like I needed to include a warning. Just be careful and you'll get your wishes <3.

Thats all for today my friends! Check out my masterlist for my previous readings and remember to stay safe in this crazy world! Feel free to send asks with any topics you would like to see in the future.

[eamour]

Hi i don't know if you'll reply/repost this ask but i really believe what i have to say is needed to help people in the manifestation community i am only sending this to you because you are one of the few active ones with a decent following that can get the word out..

The amount of complications people in this community have brought upon themselves is just infuriating and annoying the amount of creators/blog writers that come up with something new every week are just deceiving and preying on people who want to have a better life if you care i hope you'll post this.

Lies and overcomplications like;

'You shouldn't feel lack' 'don't focus on the 3d' 'know that you have it and go on with your life' 'this is the only way you can manifest' 'don't try to affirm or visualize it won't work its just endlessly affirming' 'feel it know' the amount of 3d and 4d 'live in imagination' is all a bunch of bs what Neville said is not the final! And you all seem to forget that

You can do all that and still get what you want sure! you can manifest this way too but why overcomplicate it?

(Yes there is a possibility that spreading this misinformation may not be necessarily intended to cause harm and might be just a misunderstanding from bloggers as well but it still causes to harm to those who are vulnerable and are just wanting to better their life and learn about manifesting)

None of this matters you are the only one who makes yourself manifest and there are many ways and you can use any way/method the problem on tumblr is people push only one way no you don't need to be fulfilled in imagination or 'know you have it and shut up in order to manifest sure Neville found a good way but its not the only way but the amount of people here who push this as if it's the only way and say if you don't do this you will never manifest are fcking playing with people's time and energy! i'm here to root for how far visualization affirming and robotic affirming goes,just for the average person its just such a quick and easy and 'failproof' way to 'get you desires' you don't need to hate the word 'get it' or something like that you don't have chase after knowledge or understanding to 'finaly manifest', when i went back to watching sammy and just affirming with no care about believe the thoughts no care about things like 3d or 4d no care about fulfilment or doing it to get it or anything like that...I've been carefree i don't worry at all...we are always learning about life and spirituality but you don't need an awakening or some sacred knowledge to manifest

You can read these posts that helped me but please no more,thats it no need to scroll and scroll and search for an answer

You don't need to read it all throughly just get the main idea you're good (most of them are short)

https://www.tumblr.com/imperfect777/744087420843245568/stop-scrolling-on-tumblr-twitter-pinterest-etc?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/miracledarling/715265433528320001/the-key-to-manifesting?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/sp0iledprincess55/744703729957257216/100-proof?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/dreamsintoreality111/672119540555153408/hey-do-you-prefer-to-change-appearance-through?source=share

My tips and experience..

All this time after being kinda obsessed with the void state (don't even get why people renamed the i am state by Neville lol) trying all things but just being lazy giving up restarting and going back to the old way of thinking, thinking 'why i fail' but now looking back and realizing i just got distracted and stopped never persisted .... now i realize how easy it is but what tumblr was doing was just discouraging me all along so many people lied or were misguided and said 'don't endlessly affirm just decide' implying if you try affirming you'll do it endlessly and never have what u want.. and so i listened....i used to watch sammy after a few videos last year i joined tumblr for a few 6 months at some point i was just reading things which have already been said and read..so i quit and decided to delete tumblr to just actually apply because reading the same thing over and over is no use...i'm now watching sammy ingram again so this is what i vouch for, affirming and thoughts watching sammy ingram (if just deciding or knowing seems like its not for you sammy ingram is great and in my opinion if i also just know or decide its mine then by affirming aren't i just reminding myself..'knowing' & 'deciding' in a way too?) again sammy joe dispenza is more helpful compared to tumblr over 6 months... i have logged back after a month typing this rn to help people and will delete my acc today even the creators i used to follow haven't posted in weeks and i urge people to leave tumblr after a certain point please live your life.

posting this for everyone who is currently overcomplicating the law and beating themselves up for not "doing it right". ♡

i want to add something: you can believe in all of these things (such as "feeling it real" instead of "affirming to get") and if it works for you, that’s good! that’s quite literally the law. but if it’s the opposite for you, if you think that it’s too much work and you would rather robotically affirm to get your desire, then do that.

i have seen both sides on tumblr and twitter, and they are both successful. it’s up to you what you want to make work for yourself!!

[just-my-latest-hyperfixation]

The trouble with cones

Written for the @steddiemicrofic challenge, December 2023 edition

Prompt: pine, 508 words

Rated: M

CW: Explicit language

Tags: Coffee shop owner Steve; Tattoo studio owner Eddie; Flirting; Teasing; Sexual Tension

(Everything goes under the cut bc Eddie jumps right to the important question.)

“Is that a butt plug?”

Steve pinches his nose and heaves a long-suffering sigh. Tries to steel himself for the sight awaiting him. Turns and realizes he failed.

Eddie is leaning in the door of his tattoo studio, mouth curled into a cocky grin. Sleeves rolled up, like the cold doesn't bother him at all, revealing lean forearms covered in ink. Snowflakes gathering in his hair, stark white against the dark curls.

“Fucking hilarious,” Steve rolls his eyes, just barely remembers to cap his window marker before he tugs his freezing hands into his armpits. “Don't you have better things to do?”

“Well…” Eddie's eyes crinkle. “I'm not the one drawing a butt plug on my window.”

“It's a pine cone!” Steve sputters, face lighting up like a furnace. It stings in the frosty air. “Jesus fuck- it's supposed to look festive, why would I draw a butt plug?”

Eddie watches him gesture at the cursed creation he has spent the last thirty minutes slaving over with an expression full of fond indulgence. When Steve signed the contract for his quaint little coffee shop, he wondered why there were no other bidders for the place …

“See, I wondered, but who am I to kink shame you?”

He is beginning to suspect the reason now.

“It is a pine cone,” he insists lamely. “It even has the- what d'you call them? The little nub thingies!”

Eddie quirks a brow. Steve turns and looks at his work.

“Oh fuck,” he groans.

Eddie pulls some hair in front of his mouth, but his shoulders are shaking treacherously. Steve thinks he dies, just a little.

“Here, lemme help.”

Eddie's hands are warm as he steals the marker from his stiff fingers. He whips his bandana from his back pocket to wipe the embarrassing evidence of Steve's total lack of artistic talent off the window, and then-

Then he works his magic. Steve watches him bounce to and fro before the glass like a manic blur of creative energy, brow furrowed in concentration, tongue poking out from between plush lips.

When he steps away, Steve doesn't say anything for a second. Too mesmerized by the image Eddie has thrown together with those quick, efficient strokes of his wrist. A steaming mug of coffee, surrounded by a cluster of artfully scattered pine cones, baubles and twinkling lights dangling above.

“Thanks,” he finally manages to croak. “It's… That really wasn't-”

And then Eddie grabs his arm and pushes back the sleeve of his sweater and he forgets what words are.

“Did you…” he squawks when he finally remembers. “Did you just write on my arm with window marker?”

“Yup,” Eddie says proudly, tugging the marker into Steve’s back pocket. “So that you know where to find me. In case you ever need my assistance with any conical objects again.”

He winks, and then he's skipping into his studio. Steve stays outside and stares at the numbers on his arm for a long time. The snow falls around him, but suddenly he isn't cold anymore.

Part 2

[northopalshore]

would you read elizabeth taylors juno or groom persona chart? i feel like it would be interesting and her birth time was 2:30 am!

Elizabeth Taylor's Juno, Groom & Venus persona chart analysis

‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋ ‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭

I feel like her marriage life is quite interesting from an outsiders perspective. The seven husbands or Evelyn Hugo was loosely based on her on the count of her 7 husbands. 7 divorces & one that was cut short by outside influences (a tragedy).

She was an outstanding individual who I myself have admired for being so influential in the old Hollywood scene. So in this post, I'll be doing a brief rundown on some of her placements in her Venus, Juno & Groom persona charts in that order.

Venus persona chart

Starting with her venus persona chart, I was curious about what it would say about her love life, and looking at it now I'm not surprised.

❀ 1st house stellium

She was the type to fall in love first and ask questions later. She has likely been surrounded by many admirers her whole life and evidently so. She falls in love quickly, and easily. Often finding her entranced by the charm and appeal of the opposite gender. All of her lovers have been the ones to pursue her first.

Ex: Late TV producer Mike Todd, her third husband was arguably her truest & deepest love. He had a clear intent to marry her the moment they met, and it wasn't a question when he proposed— it was a statement lol.

From abusive to passionate lovers, to even slightly problematic pairings that led to some controversy on her behalf. This placement is extremely common amongst people who have gone through many relationships in their lifetime.

❀ Pluto (19° libra) conjunct Juno (20° Scorpio) in Cancer 5th House

Some of her relationships were considered very taboo and have received much backlash from the public and those around her. She's been called a homewrecker for marrying a couple married men. She has also left a marriage to be with someone else, who was also married at the time of their romance.

Ex: Her 4th husband Eddie Fisher (her late husband's best friend) was married to her own friend Debbie Reynolds. He would leave Debbie to be with Elizabeth, although their romance was more of a 'condolence' partner while she was mourning Mike. Yikes

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Juno Persona Chart

Onto her Juno Persona Chart, immediately face to face with an 8th house stellium lol.

If anything is an indication of multiple weddings, or marriages, it would be a gemini descendant in the jpc. In her case, it's especially so lol.

❀ Gemini DSC & Mars (°8 Scorpio) in the 7th house:

She has gone through many marriages, either ending in divorce or an abrupt ending (Scorpio energy). She moves on very quickly from her partners, but she falls in love quite deeply. Her close relationships & love life are always changing, always challenging.

❀ Mars trine saturn (°2 Taurus) retrograde in Aquarius:

Her flings can lead to marriage quickly, almost as if no thoughts were spared saying yes on a whim the moment her partner gets onto one knee. It's rebellious in a way that deflects all formalities people usually maintain before marriage i.e taking time lol. Feeling excitement, the love, the sparks, and just wanting to fully act on that.

❀ Venus (°3 gemini) retrograde in cancer 7th house:

That fast pace movement can sometimes prove to bite her in the butt when they realise that their relationship may lack a clear depth & understanding towards one another, a love that goes deeper than just fancy & adoration or lust. She may feel like there wasn't truly that deep of a mental or emotional connection somewhere down the line in their marriage.

❀ 8th house stellium, Cancer & Leo:

Her JPC Sun, Moon, Mercury & Jupiter are all here. As I've mentioned before, her marriage life has always been notorious throughout her career. Most people only remember her as the real life Evelyn Hugo, since it's always brought controversy & shock. Her love life is a large part of who she is & what she believes in. She's not shallow by any means, when she falls in love, she falls in love & she doesn't deny that. There is nothing she wouldn't do for love, or her lovers. Passionate & exhilarating. Life-changing & chaotic.

❀ Juno (°22 Capricorn) conjunct Jupiter (°22 Capricorn) in Leo 8th house:

Being known for her marriages, her husbands, it's almost seen as a part of her career or reputation in general. There's always this shock factor around her marriages. Aside from most of her husbands being older than her, they are quite influential in her industry too. Being able to get her into more prominent roles or meetings with the right people to advance her career.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Groom Persona Chart

She has a very prominent 2nd House stellium in her Groom Persona Chart.

❀ Capricorn (°capricorn) rising

All of her husbands were older than her.They were significantly older in fact. With Saturn & Mireille here, it's clear that she had a thing for powerful, mature & influential men. She also met a lot of them through work/friends (union 1st house, aquarius, Sagittarius degree).

❀ 2nd house stellium:

Her husbands were all rich, either through generational wealth or longtime hustlers. A lot of them treated her as a possession; someone they must have. Her husbands also all showered her with luxury. The more money they have the more extravagantly they'll treat her. The less it gets, the more rockier their relationship becomes. Perhaps they tend to use money as a way to control/manipulate her as well (groom 24° pisces 2nd house, mars °11 aquarius, 2nd house).

ex: In an article (from Today.com) it quotes "But as she grew more mature and became more confident, and his career began to fade, they had problems, Walker wrote. He added that while she was filming “Giant” in 1955, a gossip magazine claimed her husband had strippers visit their home."

❀ 6th house in Gemini & Populus (°26 taurus):

Her husbands were all famous for their work or work with famous figures. Having some sort of important/ active role in the industry they work in.

❀ Pluto ( °20 Scorpio) retrograde in Cancer 7th house:

Abrupt marriages, divorces & endings. I see it commonly when looking at the charts of people who married young & divorced somewhere in their mid 20s, 30s - early 40s. Their marriages are a whirlwind type of experience. Usually something very dramatic happens, which leads to divorce, but also divorce itself is a commonality.

❀ Jupiter (°13 aries) retrograde in Leo 7th house & Juno (°13 Aries):

Means she'll marry quite quickly/ without thought when she feels she has found someone worth marrying i.e she's fascinated with. She has married "young"/ early/ fast many times lol. She married her first husband right after finishing high school, & the rest of her husbands she married within a few months of knowing them.

❀ Briede (°24 pisces) in the 12th house:

A part of her may have felt rather undermined as a wife. Perhaps feeling like an accessory to her husbands rather than truly portraying the depths of her character. A part of her may also have felt like her marriage lives were something either she had not much control of or that she's always blinded by her emotions going into marriage.

₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑ . ₊ ⊹ .₊๋‧₊ ˚ ⊹ ࣭ ⭑

Hope this was interesting, & Thanks for reading ♡

@northopalshore

@northopalshore celebrity charts 2024.

[youremyheaven]

The 12th House in Astrology 🧜‍♀️🧚‍♀️ 🦋

(this can apply to both tropical and vedic placement of 12th house because regardless of the system employed, the energy felt and experienced is the same :-)

Most people have a lot of prejudice about the 12h and its energies. There is a largely negative portrayal of it in the mainstream astro community and very little nuanced discussion of the same. So, I thought I'd make a post exploring the 12th and final house in astrology and add more to the existing narrative regarding it.

The 12h is commonly described as the house of loss, liberation, isolation and decline

This house is said to governs misery, waste, expenses as well as divine knowledge, sympathy, Moksha (final emancipation) and life after death. It is also the house of detachment.

Now those are a lot of very contradictory terms. How could a house govern both loss and divine knowledge?

The 12th house and water houses (4h, 8h & 12h) in general are very complex and easily misunderstood. The thing about water is that it has no shape or form of its own, it takes the form of whatever vessel its poured into. another thing about water is that its the most easily polluted element. Water energy is one that must be precariously balanced because these natives easily absorb the influence of others (good or bad), this is one reason why the 12h is the house of "loss" because it truly is the death of the individual. you know those quotes about "i am an amalgamation of every person ive met, every book ive read, every song i loved...." 12housers are actually built like that.

being a 12h native can be rewarding because you absorb absolutely everything like a cosmic sponge but on the other hand, its very easy to lose all sense of self.

especially natives with 12h stelliums may often find it difficult to not take everything so personally. this is not because they think the world revolves around them but because its hard for them to separate themselves from others and their actions. they're personally of the type where everything they say or do is tailored specifically to the person they're interacting with. they may not even be aware that they're doing this, they pick up on energies almost by osmosis and guide their conduct that way. however they must realize that this is peculiar to them and is not something others are naturally accustomed to doing.

there is a reason why Venus exalts in the 12h. you lose all sense of self and give yourself completely to your lover with utmost devotion. love is sacred and profound to them, they will do absolutely anything for their love. which is why they have to be so careful with picking their partners. they have limitless capacity for giving but if you give to the wrong person, you'll be drained. when you merge with the right person, your cup never goes empty with your giving because your union satiates you completely.

if we were to think of houses 1 to 11 as a path of linear development, starting with the 1st house of self & identity and ending with the 11th house of friendship, community & legacy, then we will understand that after an individual goes through all these stages, the only thing left for them to do is seek liberation from this cycle; this is why 12h is the house of Moksha. once you've fulfilled your material desires, you will feel a lack in your life and the only thing left to do is pursue the path of spirituality. Moksha is however not given to one; one must strive for it.

this journey is a deeply personal one and liberation from one's ego and earthly pursuits is far from easy. no matter what these natives do, ultimately, they wont feel satisfied unless they've nourished themselves spiritually.

sometimes these natives may indulge in drugs or other substances to fill the void but as they evolve they will understand what theyre truly yearning for is the spiritual truth.

more often than not, these natives experience "spiritual awakenings" completely unprompted. god decides its time and it happens. much of their early life can be very dark and this "awakening" marks the beginning of a shift in their life. this happens in stages depending on the level of their spiritual evolution.

the 12th house is the house of isolation because what these natives experience is not something that others can understand easily. they are the most likely to develop psychosomatic conditions, simply because their energetic body is so susceptible to influence.

think of the vast endless ocean. can one individual possibly drink up all of that water? its absurd to even consider it. thats kind of what its like to be a 12h native. there's a limitless reservoir to tap into, the energy is so vast that its confusing and disorienting and you have no idea what to do with it. its very easy to be misguided as well. this is why its the house of decline. you have to constantly be on the look out in order to avoid the pitfalls, otherwise its easy to stagnate and easy to harm yourself.

There is a Latin quote that goes as follows:

"What nourishes me, destroys me"

This sums up 12th house energy pretty much. Its the energy of opposites and paradoxes. You need this endless reservoir to function, its the thing that feeds you but if you're not careful, it can also lead you to your own ruin.

Fun fact: Angelina Jolie has this quote tattooed on her. She is a Revati Moon. Pisces occupies the 12th house.

remember that Pisces' symbol is of two fishes swimming in opposite directions. this shows that the innate nature of these natives is to be torn between polarising energies and opposing forces. it is a balancing act to say the least.

these natives are easily misunderstood, simply because there is SO much to them. whatever you think they are, thats what they're not.

going back to the cosmic ocean metaphor, its easy to see how such abundance can feel like an excess and lead to misery and wastefulness. its simply a LOT to handle, not just for others but even for these natives themselves. this is one reason why so many of these natives tend to keep to themselves.

even the more sociable 12h natives often have an interior life that no one will know about, they have a whole another side to them that they keep separate, just because they want to assert complete ownership of this private side as something that belongs only to them and the other, more "public" side that they give to others.

these natives are the most empathetic and if you look at the charts of most "legendary" actors, they'll either have pisces/12h luminaries. empathy does not quite cut it, they can not only feel what others are feeling but embody it fully and experience it as their own. this is what makes them incredible actors. even non-actor 12h natives process things this way and often find that others around them are insensitive or lacking the same capacity. they do not understand why others don't feel as deeply as they do or understand situations the way they do. they find society at large to be very callous and apathetic.

a 12th house native is also capable of feeling apathy and absolute indifference but this is very selective; the 12h is the house of detachment because as it is, they're tethered to the world by a thin cord and are only very mildly connected to things. they're in this world but seldom inhabit it. another side to this is that they're wildly imaginative. although mercury debilitates in the 12h, it does not affect the native too badly, as they simply channel their thoughts into other forms. they are gifted at communicating abstract ideas and make excellent artists due to the same reason. robbed of any sense of what is "practical" or "realistic", they roam free in the realm of the mind. many abstract, surrealist and expressionist artists have either Pisces or other water sign placements in their big 3.

these natives live a life of non-being, as they're already so detached from everything, including themselves; this is not negative on its own and will manifest differently for different individuals; this can mean that they're extremely empathetic or detached to the point of inaction and passivity in extreme cases; they dont find a lot of things to be meaningful and its hard for them to apply themselves because of it. this gives us a glimpse of what life is like after death.

the 12th house also represents spirituality, introspection, foreign travels, hidden enemies, & the subconscious mind and it is the house of endings and undoing.

12th house natives are always intrigued by all things foreign, they feel like they do not belong to the place they're from and feel connected to cultures and people that are foreign to them. since they themselves feel like an alien or are made to feel that way, they feel naturally at ease in foreign places and cultures where everything is alien. they often settle overseas.

these natives court attention wherever they go, because the 12h energy is a very distinct and potent one. a lot of celebrities have it and its a very common fame indicator. due to this reason, they also attract enemies who remain unknown to them. these natives are seldom if ever, engaged in actual feuds with people and if they are, its usually for righteous reasons or because the other person started it. theyre wayyyy too peace loving and lowkey to pick fights with others. this is why they dont know who is speaking ill of them behind their back. they're always minding their own business and it surprises them that others are not doing the same.

everybody is guided by their subconscious and one major part of spirituality is to try and make ourselves more conscious. 12h representing spirituality (the cosmic ocean) makes even more sense considering its opposite (2 fishes swimming in opposite directions) which is the unknown, the subconscious. to be spiritual means to seek truth and to seek answers and swim towards the subconscious to shed light to it and understand it better.

lastly, it is the house of endings and undoing. 12h being the final concluding house represents the end of the cycle. when a cycle ends, the energy is of a complete transformation. only when something has reached completion can it come to an end. the butterfly does not emerge unformed but as a completely fully formed butterfly. the end marks the beginning. the 12h gives way to the 1h.

the creature in the cocoon was not a butterfly. it only became a butterfly when it emerged from the cocoon and to do so means loss of an old identity, loss of self, loss of all that you've ever known. this is your undoing. in order to become somebody else, in order to ascend, we have to be willing to undo ourselves. this is essential to any spiritual practice. we have to rid ourselves and our flimsy shell of identity in order to grow further.

for the same reason, 12housers are constantly transforming. they're the type of people who seem to have lived 10 different lives in one. be it their style, lifestyles, jobs, you name it, they're constantly undoing and transforming themselves. it seems to be the only way they know how to live. once theyve gathered all they can at one place, they outgrow it and change themselves almost entirely afterwards as they venture into something new.

thats it for now. i hope this shed some light on the 12h condition hehe<333

[throneofsapphics]

the moth and the flame part 5: viscera

summary: after meeting Nesta in a bookshop, you find the darkest parts of yourselves bonding with each other. Naturally, Cassian finds himself entangled with the two of you.

warnings: drinking, suggestiveness, implied sexual content

series masterlist

You’re not certain how it happened, but one night you were tangled between the sheets by yourself, the next you were spending each and everyone between Nesta and Cassian. 

For a spare moment, you’d hoped that perhaps the three of you would be entangled in a mating bond together but such was not your luck. 

Still ... they’d done their best to do things right. 

It wasn’t you and them. It was you and her, you and him, you and him and her. Three new relationships formed the day you all came to that first silent agreement. There was no Nesta without Cassian and no Cassian without Nesta, and no you without Nesta. In time that turned into no Cassian without you. 

The whole thing wasn’t quite as convoluted as you expected. It just worked. 

Yes, it had been six months. But six blissful and ecstatic months. They’d wedged their way into every single part of you until you didn’t know where they ended and you began. 

If Cassian was your heart, Nesta was your lungs. 

How could you begin or even exist without them? But ... it drew pain at the same time. 

Despite collective attempts to do everything right, things were still wrong. 

Future you would look back on the moments of clarity and want to slap your past self. Good times don’t negate the bad, no matter how hard you try. 

Placing your hands on each side of the chipped cast iron tub, you pushed yourself up. Cool water streamed from you in rivulets. Using your foot, you kicked the stopper aside to let it drain and chided yourself for not doing that earlier. 

One hand now balancing yourself on the wall, you leaned half out of it to grab your towel. Thinking ahead should probably be something you attempting to do more frequently, you thought. 

‘Never thinking ahead, always stuck in the moment,’ your family used to say something along those lines. Family. The word made you wince and you shoved them from your mind. You had no family anymore - they were all gone. 

Stepping out, careful for your bare soles to hit the fluffy rug, you glanced at yourself in the mirror. Since Nesta and Cassian reappeared, there’s been a certain glow about you, you would’ve sworn abysmal amounts of gold you didn’t have on it. 

Yes, there was still an ugly bite mark on the side of your neck you hadn’t quite forgiven her for yet, but the glow. 

“Am I delusional?” You murmured aloud, wiping a finger across the mirror to clear some of the mist. Cleared mist revealed light purple bags under your eyes. Lack of sleep. It’s impossible to sleep well if there’s a beautiful female and male desiring your time. They were dangerous in the sense that you absolutely knew you would sacrifice near anything they asked of you. 

Thumping on wood. Someone was at your door. 

You shrugged a robe on, tossing the towel to land over the edge of the tub, and made your way across the small apartment, barefoot. If someone like your landlord answered the door, it would only make an interesting story to tell Nesta later. 

Was it toxic of you to trigger her jealous side on purpose? Possibly, but the possessive fucking? That was a religious experience you craved to an unhealthy level. A mind healer would probably say you had abandonment issues or something of the like. Mother only knows how many of them have tried, and failed, at helping you. In your opinion, you didn’t need help. Your chaos was comfortable and you were fine in it. For now, at least. Maybe one day that would change. 

The door, you reminded yourself, realizing your footsteps had slowed. When had you become so spacey? Shaking off the stagnant energy, you pushed yourself ahead. 

The door handle shook a little from a loose screw, but it opened all the same. 

“You didn’t even look through the peep hole,” Nesta greeted you, pushing past into your apartment. 

“I don’t care,” you muttered behind her. If someone was going to kill you, they’d probably have a good shot at it regardless of whether you saw their face. Cassian’s eyes fixed on you, and you saw something like care there. It made your heart pick up, throat tighten -

“We’re going to dinner,” Nesta announced from behind you. 

You froze. She knew you loathed surprise meals. 

”How many times do I have to tell you not to surprise me like this?” You hissed. 

“You always say it’s fine,” Nesta snapped back.

“Maybe we can go another time-” Cassian tried. 

“No,” both of you interjected. Perhaps you were part of the problem, not standing up for yourself and saying no when Nesta pulled this trick each time. Was she winning or were you winning? 

There was still an inherent fear you’d disappoint her by saying no. Saying no to her has been near-impossible since she returned into her life. The last time you did, she disappeared for several months. Of course now you know that’s not why but the feeling stuck around. 

“You didn’t leave because I said that ...” It was intended as a question, but came out with wonder instead. 

“No,” Nesta said, rough promise in her voice. “I’d never leave because of something like that.” 

I’d never leave. Nesta would never leave you. 

“What do you think, love?” Cassian’s voice drew you from the memory. 

“Repeat, please,” you winced. 

Nesta let out an over-dramatic sigh. He looked amused. 

“We go to the shops, pick up some food and cook together instead,” he had the look of someone trying to hide how pleased they were with themselves. You had to remind yourself Nesta still knew you a little better than he did. You were a horrific cook, even with fifteen cookbooks lined up on your counters. Actually, those probably fooled him. 

“I’m a horrible cook,” you deadpanned. Sure enough, he looked at the cookbooks. 

“She has those for a reason,” Nesta cut in. You flipped her off. 

“Just follow my instructions then, how about that?” He winked and held out his hand. 

A shy smile, accompanied by heated cheeks, and you took it. 

Cooking with them was ... fun. Definitely preferable to a surprise dinner, in your opinion. 

You watched as Cassian stood next to the stove, hip pressed against the counter, hand wrapped around a wooden spoon. You imagined his hand wrapped around something else. Maybe your wrist, tugging you closer to him, maybe your throat, taking you even closer to him. 

“What are you thinking about?” He asked carefully, voice just carrying across the room. 

Skin burned, your mouth pressed into a tight line, a slight sense of mortification, caught in the act daydreaming about him. If anything, it only enhanced your arousal. 

“Um,” you stumbled, looking for an excuse. “Things.” 

“Things ...” Nesta shifted closer to you, her hand warm on your thigh. “What kinds of things?” She purred, her voice a sensual caress against her skin as she leaned closer, mouth brushing across her neck. She stood then, moving behind your chair, her hands resting on your shoulders. “What do you say we give him a show?” She whispered in your ear. 

“I say yes,” Cassian’s voice cut through the room this time. Your hands gripped the bottom of your tunic. A show, you could do. 

series taglist: @breadsticks2004 @shamelessdonutkryptonite @rowaelinsdaughter @fightmedraco @acourtofbatboydreams @readinggeeklmao @krowiathemythologynerd @kooterz @anxious-study @lilah-asteria @nestaismommy

acotar taglist: @lilah-asteria @yeonalie @I-am-a-lost-girl16

general taglist: @rowaelinsdaughter @bookishbroadwaybish @nestaismommy @erencvlt

[fillingthescrapbook]

Let's Talk About: A Change of Plan

Not episode-related but… is anyone else seeing the yellow oval shape on the bottom right corner of their screen when they watch anything on Dropout's website?

That out of the way--

Brennan making Evan a long-backer was not on my bingo card… but it makes sense. Regardless of how Erika, Danielle, and Aabria feel about it. Evan's energy from the very beginning was giving plank-body.

And since we're on the subject of Evan-- I am definitely vibing more with this aggressive and allowed-to-be-angry side of Evan more than the poor little meow meow we used to get before. Like, sure, I get that he wasn't sad all the time during the first season, but the energy was there. He was a sad boy. And I am learning now that I really really do not like sad boys.

Last episode, I mentioned Erika as being exceptionally great at shrinking. I did say that Lou and Danielle were doing amazing jobs as well (although not with those words exactly), but this week's MVP is Danielle Radford. Those lines of improvised dialogue that were a mile-a-minute long were simply incredible. Impeccable. And that's not to mention how she had Sam react to Evan freaking out about the discovery of how he died. "Together. Alone. Not us." Indeed.

Oh and that small reveal about Sam's family life? I want to hug Sam (to)B(decided).

And then we get to Cocaine Sam. And having her be the one to greet Boudy-boots. Amazing. Exceptional. No notes. (Also: Cocaine has to be an integral part of the Never Stop system mechanics now, right?)

Now, I'm not gonna go through everything that happened one by one. I never do. But here are the things that really stood out to me this episode, and why Misfits and Magic Season 2 is winning me over from my…lack of enthusiasm for the first season.

Number one: The breaking of wands. Erika's was sort of an accident. As explained in the Adventuring Academy, Erika saw that a tiny score was made on her wand. To allow it to break more easily. This discovery helped inform her decision to break it "accidentally" in the previous episode. The other players then realized that all their wands had been scored. And that a mechanic has been put in place for when said wands were broken. A mechanic that has now been fully explained in this episode.

I love this mechanic. I love that it--whether intentional or not--is a symbol for breaking Misfits and Magic off from "the franchise." Because the wands have become so intrinsically linked to said franchise. Although, I must admit--from a sentimental point of view--it hurts to see them break the wand. Although, at the same time, I guess that's why it's so powerful. It's their link to the magical world. It's one of the first things that showed them their potential. Much like the franchise was for many of us. And it's become very important for us to break off that connection to see that there's more magic to explore. That we are not limited to the wands. And the brooms. And the familiars.

And oof. The familiars. Aabria caught me off guard with that reveal. Like the road we were walking on were paved with figurative bones but the confirmation still took me aback. Because funny season, ha ha! We killed a player's character. We killed a major NPC. And we're killing familiars. Funny!

That's not a dig at Aabria. I love what she did. One of the most affecting episodes of television I've seen in recent memory is from How I Met Your Mother. It had a visual gag of a countdown. And the whole episode was filled with mishaps that were propelled by humor and love. And then when the countdown reaches 1--it punches you in the gut. And you were warned. But you still didn't expect it. And it feels so bad--but it's done so well. That's what Aabria did.

And that brings me to my second reason why Misfits and Magic is beginning to win me over.

Aabria is handing us character progression that is steeped in gray morality. Characters who rubbed us the wrong way are learning to be better people, while still being their snotty selves. Characters we liked have found themselves getting lost not because they're inherently evil but because of inaction, because of self-preservation coupled with their avoidance to step out of their comfort zone. There's grace in the way Aabria shows the players how their friends have fallen. And I think it's beautiful.

So, yeah, I am coming around to Misfits and Magic. Will it beat both Burrow's End or A Court of Fey and Flowers as a better Aabria season? I don't know. ACoFaF is one of my favorite Dimension 20 seasons ever and Burrow's End is also pretty high up. So probably not. But will I look back on Season 1 more kindly now? Definitely yes.

Last two things I wanted to mention:

First, the sudden volume drop when Evan stopped yelling-- I can't imagine what the poor sound guy who got the full burst of Brennan's highest vocal had gone through. Thankfully, Sam Reich takes care of the Dropout crew well.

And last, when K responds with "maybe the Tumblr users are gonna help?" to Evan's diatribe? Oh, K. Most of us are already struggling with one thing or another and are paralyzed by bigger things. If we had wonky magic to deal with on top of that? Oh ho ho, K. Oh ho ho.

[starry-bi-sky]

"Why didn't they just fish?" in Epic: The Musical

I'm more active with the Epic fandom on tiktok than I am on tumblr (in the sense that interact with it more often), but one common joke/criticism I see there is that Odysseus and his crew could've avoided Polyphemus entirely if they just fished. At first I thought it was a funny joke, but then I saw people like, actually criticizing Odysseus and his crew for it. And it slowly stopped being funny, and now I'm just sick of it.

So, why couldn't they just fish?

Right off the bat, I can think of several reasons why.

Lack of proper equipment

Quantity

Time (Preparation, Longevity of the fish, the time it takes to fish, etc)

Proper Fishing Areas

To start with: Odysseus and his crew just off the bat don't have the equipment to fish. Yes, I'm aware they have harpoons as mentioned in "Storm". I don't know why they have harpoons, but they do. Harpoons in fishing are used against large, deep sea fish. Fish you are most likely going to see in deeper parts of the water that require speciality equipment that ancient grecian soldiers straight up don't have. And if you use a harpoon against a smaller fish, you're more than likely going to mostly destroy or otherwise damage the fish and leave less meat behind to eat. You're going to break bones, and fish bones are thin, fragile, and easily choke-able on. It's a waste of time and effort.

Then, what about nets? Those also don't work, because if they have nets on their ships, then those nets are not going to be fishing nets. They're going to be nets made as tools or equipment for the ship, which means the holes in between are likely too big to catch anything. Those nets also are likely not weighted so that they can sink to the bottom and catch fish; those nets are gonna float. And, those nets probably aren't going to be big enough to catch a mass haul either, and they have six hundred men to feed.

"Why not use their ropes to make fishing nets." Well, they could! They live on an island, and six hundred men there's bound to be someone who knows how to make a fisher's net. But they need that rope. That rope serves a purpose. Rope is an essential equipment on ships, even in modern day, ships will have hundreds to thousands of pounds of rope because they need it.

All rope has its breaking point. Rope frays, it snaps, it weakens over time. They need rope for the sails, for anchoring, if that rope breaks, they need to have the tools ready to replace it, and they can't do that if that rope has been turned into a fishing net. Plus, ship rope and fishing rope are entirely different things and have different thickness and material.

"They can just undo the net" no they could not! Making a fishing net by hand takes approximately eight hours. Those knots have to be tight enough to not loosen up when something pushes against it, unknotting a fishing net would take hours to do, and to do that every time they need to fish? It's just not worth the energy and time, especially if they have a low quantity of soldiers who know (and remember!) how to make a fisher net. Plus, undoing the net would just fray the rope and make it unusable.

Also, fish don't swim up at the top of the ocean. They're going to be found deeper down in the cooler parts, or in the shallows and reefs by the islands. And fish startle really easily. They're going to zip away and hide at the first sign of movement or sound. When I was little and my dad would take us fishing, he would remind us to be quiet so we didn't scare the fish away.

The fish in the reef are finite too. There are also going to be different amounts of fish in each area. Even on the river, there were some parts that were teeming with fish, and then spots that were completely dead. Odysseus and his crew would have to find where these spots are, and then try, with their ill-equipped nets and harpoons, to catch those fish.

Which brings me to my next issue: quantity. One medium-sized mammal like a sheep could feed, what, at least fifteen men. Fifteen fish could feed about three. In a family of four we needed to catch at least twenty palm-sized blue-gills in order for us to all eat and not be hungry after, and that's with other food with us too.

The amount of fish that would need to get caught in order to adequately feed six hundred men enough that they have the energy to row their 50-men ships -- which are about 50 tons -- would have to be industrial amount, they'd need to be catching fish every day. There wouldn't be enough fish on a single island to feed six hundred men. They'd need to hop from island to island in order to get enough fish to feed everyone, and then they wouldn't get anywhere.

And why do that when there's twenty, perfectly good sheep, right over there? Which is another thing. They're hunting animals on an island, a finite space. Fishing in a reef or shallows, the fish has access to the massive ocean right next to it. Those fish can get spooked away at a moment's notice and poof, gone. Meanwhile, there's only so much space that a sheep on an island can go, and only so many places they can hide. If it runs, we're persistence predators! We can just follow them, and corner them. We can't follow fish into the ocean, that's when we're on the fishes terms.

Fishing also takes hours. Which yes, hunting also does too. But the payout for hunting a sheep (can feed at least fifteen men) is far greater than the payout of fishing (could feed three, maybe four). Plus again, island; there's only so far they can go, and they have bows and arrows. The time it'd take to hunt the sheep and get enough to feed everyone would be significantly less than the time it'd take to catch fish for everyone.

In two hours you could not have caught a single fish, even in modern day (and I know this from personal experience). In two hours, on an island, you could have probably already caught a deer, or a sheep.

Preparation too. Longevity. Essential nutrients that fish do not have. There are certain fish you can't eat because they're poisonous, or they lack certain nutrients, or they just don't get big enough to feed even a single man. As I mentioned before, fish have these iitty bitty bones that are thin, sharp, and easily choke-able. Descaling and deboning a fish takes time that these soldiers don't really have; they're trying to row this great big ship back home. They can't waste effort on picking apart the bones of a fish so they don't choke or otherwise hurt themselves. Mammals have a ton of meat, and big bones! No worries there about choking or deboning.

Fish spoils faster than meat does. Yes there are all these preparations for food that go against spoiling, but still, those preparations would be for meat, veggies, fruits. Fish would need to be preserved differently, and if they don't they'd need to be constantly fishing in order to make up for the loss of stock. Then they'd never get anywhere because you can't fish on the open ocean without the proper equipment, that they would not have as ancient greeks AND soldiers. Like this is a warship, not a fisher ship.

Think of it this way: you're trying to feed six hundred men, and not only that, you're trying to get enough food to keep them fed for at least the rest of the journey or long enough to find another island that has food on it.

Would you rather: risk your hand trying to fish with shoddily, ill-equipped nets or harpoons that are not made for fishing, and catch maybe twenty fish within ten hours? And maybe six are big enough to feed one or two men?

Or

See if there are any large animals on the island that you can hunt, as well as any edible fruits or plants that you can bring back with you and do this in four.

Which one are you choosing?

Overall, there are just too many negatives in fishing that makes it, as a whole, completely pointless to do. Lack of proper equipment, quantity, time, and fishing spots are all things that come into play. I can appreciate it as a funny joke, and I did at first, but when it's taken as an actual criticism is where I go "hold on, have you ever actually gone fishing before?"

[ffc1cb]

new art blog

the short version:

1. i made a new art blog: @cbge;

2. @ffc1cb will stay up as an archive.

the long version:

hi everyone. this announcement is somewhat late, since the blog in question has been up for a few months now, and i’ve already started posting art on it. the reason it took me so long to “reveal” it is because i’ve been trying to figure out whether a new blog is something i actually want, or if it's just me throwing darts at a board, trying to make myself feel better somehow.

i don’t know when precisely it all started, but ever since sometime last year i’ve been going through a hard time, both emotionally and creatively. i’m not sure whether being depressed is what made art harder, or art becoming harder is what made me depressed (a bit of both, i think), but lately, drawing has been a struggle. 

i’ve found myself having less and less energy for art, and this lack of energy resulted in poorer quality of drawings, which resulted in me feeling like i’m getting worse at it, despite my efforts. i knew i could make good art, art that i’m proud of - i’ve done so countless times before, - but somehow it felt like i just couldn’t anymore, like my hands forgot how to. nothing looked right. 

i’ve been trying to experiment. i’ve learned some new things, tried this and that - it was enlightening, to say the least, and even though i kind of liked how it looked, it made me feel a sense of displacement. i was at odds with myself, my art, and how i felt about it, when previously i was always in sync. i was making art, yes, and it looked nice, but it felt like it wasn’t mine.

i suppose part of it was also the growing lack of engagement, and i don’t mean likes and reblogs - i never particularly cared about those. they are all just numbers to me; dry and impersonal. what i’m talking about is actual, human interactions: personal thoughts in tags, asks, replies, etc. a conversation. 

i don’t mean to sound “old” or anything, but i remember when talking to artists online was more commonplace. my wife tells me it’s because the internet culture has changed over the years, that people have become more reclusive, less willing to be open with their thoughts, and she's probably right, but in my slump i find it hard to believe. somehow it feels like it’s my fault for being less “engaging”, for seeming unapproachable or perhaps intimidating. maybe it’s “just a skill issue”, maybe it’s because i have stopped churning out fanart for popular fandoms, maybe it’s because i refuse to torture myself emotionally by having an art account on twitter (i can’t fucking stand the place anymore; i still post nsfw art there, but only because it’s literally one of the only places on the internet that allows you to do so. i miss when you could post female presenting tits on tumblr).

i have always, ever since i started posting art on the internet back in 2012, done it for human connection. i wanted to talk to people, and have people talk to me. i wanted to inspire people with my art, and i wanted to bring them comfort. i wanted to elicit an emotional response, and have people tell me about it. it was one of the main reasons i drew in the first place; having lost that, i’ve been struggling to stay passionate about making art.

i miss being a small artist on the internet during the 2010s. i remember when i could make a post going, “hey everyone, how are you all doing today?” and it would not seem weird to people in the slightest. it is just me? does anyone else feel that way? am i too deep in my own head? the internet feels so unwelcoming nowadays, especially to artists. we are all just content machines; people scroll by our stuff, or maybe look at it for half a second and leave a like before scrolling away. i know it’s unfair to demand people’s attention, especially now when our lives are already so overwhelmed by everything - no one has the energy to pay closer attention; i myself am not immune to mindless scrolling. but it feels bad. i wish we were all sincere and enthusiastic again.

anyway (sorry for rambling. i hope i haven’t bored you to death), you might want to say, okay, but how is making a new art blog on a “dying” social platform going to help with any of that? the truth is, i don’t know. i just felt like i needed a change. 

i’ve been running this blog since 2016 (that’s almost 8 full years!). i feel incredibly attached to it, but at the same time, i feel it weighing me down. 

there are people who followed me years ago for one specific thing, still expecting me to post about said thing (i still find it mindboggling that some people follow artists for a specific fandom only, but that is a whole other matter for a whole other post that i will never write). a third, if not half, of my following are probably dead blogs. and with my current struggle with trying to regain the joy i once felt for making art, looking back at all the art i’ve done over the years makes me feel tired. i still love it all; it’s all very dear to me. i’m proud of it; looking at it makes me mourn my younger and more passionate self.

so i’ve decided to make a new blog, where i will let myself post whatever i want, in whatever stage of donness i feel like. maybe it will help me, somehow. maybe it won’t. but if you care about my art, if you want to keep following me on my artistic journey, i welcome you to join me there. similarly, feel free not to - no hard feelings.

thank you everyone for your support over the years; it matters a lot to me. i’m not planning to delete or private this blog; it will stay up, and i will still be reachable on here. i will still answer asks, if there will be any. i’m just not planning to post any art here anymore. this is it for my dear old friend ffc1cb.

i can be found in other places:

@cbge, as mentioned earlier,

@k0nstanta, an art blog dedicated solely to my wife and i’s ocs,

@inquisimail, a dragon age ask blog that has become my dragon age sideblog in general,

and multiple other blogs, none of which are art related, but feel free to ask, if you’re curious.

thank you very much for reading all of this. i hope you have a wonderful day.