#i know(or hope) the fandoms gotten better since like 2016-17 but still

[somefuckingguysblog]

Who was going to tell me that apparently, people made fanon Madky obbsessed eith cheesecake to basically fat shame canon Masky? Did I really have to find that out on my own

[thrillingdetectivetales]

Author Interview

I was tagged by the lovely @ianandmickeygallavich1​ 

(Throwing a read more in here because this bitch got LONG!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 136 works across 45 fandoms, just to give you an idea of what a shameless fandom hopping multishipper I actually am.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

My total WC is 676,938.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

By a Thread, By a String, By a Rope The Magnificent Seven (2016), WIP, Kudos: 987

Matinee Suits, 5125 words, Kudos: 947

Careful Application of External Pressure Grimm, WIP, Kudos: 876

This Night Ain’t for the Holy Man The Magnificent Seven (2016), 5578 words, Kudos: 875

Catch It Like a Butterfly Leverage, 1497 words, Kudos: 658

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try really hard to respond to every comment, but sometimes they pile up and the anxiety of seeing the number gets to me and I just mark them all read and start over with a clean slate. So, apologies if I skipped you. I promise it was nothing personal, just me trying to practice some fumbling self-care.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably Curtain Call, which is a Roy Harper-centric DCU fic exploring his feelings in the aftermath of the 2015 Red Hood/Arsenal run.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Pretty much all my fic have happy endings, so I’m not sure which one is the happiest. I feel like that’s a subjective question, haha.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I do write crossovers! I love crossovers and crack fic premises and wild “okay but just go with me here” scenarios, haha. They’re the most fun to figure out, imo. The craziest one I’ve ever written is probably the Shameless-meets-Ducktales crossover I did for Tumblr Jukebox a little while back, though the one I picked up as a pinch hit for the Crossworks Fandom Exchange just last month, crossing over Brooklyn Nine-Nine with Dragon Age: Inquisition is definitely a contender for that spot.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I received a couple of snide comments on a Matt/Foggy Daredevil fic I did under a different name back when I was in college, but that’s about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! I don’t think I’m particularly bad at it, though I do find it very difficult. I’m not sure what the “what kind” question is asking, exactly, but I actually do a smut writing challenge called Monday, Slutty Monday that includes a list of kinks I’m willing to write. You can give it a gander here, if you’re curious.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, though I have had someone ask if they could use the concept of the lover’s noose from By a Thread, By a String, By a Rope for their original works. I said no, largely because it’s a concept I intend to use in my own original works, though I welcome transformative, not-for-profit works to remix or reimagine or play in any of my sandboxes.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! I was lucky enough to have Doomed to Play, a Magnificent Seven werewolf/vampire AU, translated into Russian several years back!

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not! I am extremely interested, though, as I’m a huge fan of old-school, forum-style roleplaying and I really, really love collaborating on projects, so if you’re interested, please feel free to reach out to me and ask! I can’t promise anything, because I’m lucky enough to live a very full and busy life, but who knows!

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am not really sure that I have an all-time favorite ship. I have a few oldies but goodies that I revisit pretty regularly, including Harry/Draco, which was baby’s first ship, and Fraser/Kowalski of Due South fame, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a true OTP.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

God, so many of them, haha. I’m terrible about finishing WIPs because I have a very short attention span, but I’m not fully willing to write any of them off because I do periodically poke at the GDocs for a lot of them, even if they haven’t been updated in years. The only one I truly don’t foresee finishing is So Let Us Not Be Lonesome, which is a Magnificent Seven ghost/medium AU, and the only reason I don’t foresee finishing it is because I hope to one day revisit it as an original work.

15. What are your writing strengths?

I’m pretty routinely cheered in comments for writing true-to-character dialogue, really lush sensory descriptions, and tempting food descriptions, so I’ll go with those.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to overwrite and I really fucking love adverbs, haha. I was a big reader of doorstopper fantasy in my youth, which tend to be really, really purple in their prose, so I lean in that direction. I have a lot of betas whose opinions I trust tell me I go too purple quite often, but I love my descriptive language so I’m not sure it’s a weakness I’ll ever overcome. Let’s call it a stylistic choice, for now, haha.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I do it all the time, and I really enjoy it in other folks’ fic, so long as the dialogue is something that a non-speaker can still understand from context. I think I probably wasn’t great with that when I first started writing Spanish-speaking characters into my fic, but I like to think I’ve gotten a better handle on it since then.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was honestly Ronin Warriors, an anime that used be on Cartoon Network’s Toonami block way back in the day. I had a lengthy and involved Mary Sue self-insert fic that got be like, a few hundred pages long, though it never saw the light of day.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

The two currently at the top of my list are Ted Lasso and 9-1-1, though I can hardly watch a piece of media these days without seeing something in it I want to explore that the creators didn’t have the time or inclination to explore, or that didn’t fit their narrative.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Oh, this is so hard! I honestly don’t know. I don’t tend to go back and re-read my own fic too terribly often, so I’m really not sure, but I will say that one of the ones I think is underrated is The Lady and the Knife, which is a Luther/BBC Sherlock fic that came about because I got tired of Sherlock stans claiming his behavior should be forgiven because he was a high-functioning sociopath and thought it would be fun to see what happened if he ever crossed paths with someone who was actually a high-functioning sociopath and not just a dick. (Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the early BBC Sherlock and some of the fic is chefkissingfingers.gif, I just really hate it when people require their characters to be morally upright at all times. Let them be villains! Let them be dicks! Don’t apologize for finding that interesting!)

I am tagging @thesummoningdark, @blahblahblahclintnickiscanon, @townhulls, @ksansart @rubinecorvus @persipneiwrites @irolltwenties and anyone else who feels like participating! I have a lot of mutuals who write fic and I’m really bad at remembering everyone’s various handles, so please, if you want to participate but I didn’t tag you, go ahead and do it and @ my ass anyway!

Luh ya bbs.

[crampdown]

got tagged by @thespiritofvexation @see-sawed and @lovely-menza (thaaanks :D) to answer some lovely questions~

1. Why did you choose your url?

I love the song “Clampdown” by The Clash almost as much as I love horrendous puns. And that’s how I got to a name that’s basically a period joke :^>

2. Any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Nah. But I am thinking of eventually creating a side blog since I’ve been drawing a lot of original stuff lately and not the fanart doodles that got me most of my followers in the first place. But I’m currently too lazy to make a new blog

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

Let’s say I’ve been aware of this infamous hellsite since 2016 mostly for some artists I liked back then. But I didn’t make an own account until late 2018 before finally posting stuff in 2019.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

No. I’ll spam ten to twenty rbs in a row and then vanish for the next three days again

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

Because I gained interest in everything classic rock back in summer 2018. I’ve always enjoyed this kind of music but didn’t bother to learn anything about the  musician in question least of all their NAME up until this point. But the “Yellow Submarine” film won me over and before I knew better, I started doodling the Beatles :^) however it would take me more than half a year before I finally gathered the courage to upload my drawings somewhere. At this point I’ve already gotten into Pink Floyd (cause I used some of their music as inspiration for a short comic but that’s another story). FUN FACT: Me being a music dummy not knowing anything about certain subgenres looked up “How do I tag Pink Floyd? Like, what are they?? Prog? Dunno what that is but okay! Gonna write that in the tags :D” And that’s how I accidentally catapulted myself into the prog niche of the Classic Rock Fandom. Hi.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

It’s the ugly-ass-sort-of-mascot-rabbit that originated from a three year old doodle of mine when I wanted to draw a furry parody, anthropomorphic rabbit but as disgusting as possible, sloppy schlong and all that jazz :^). But since you can’t see him in my header thanks to the ink bottle, he’s quite the looker. Also I love inking the most when it comes to arting around.

7. Why did you choose your header?

Made it myself and still am quite proud of it ^^

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

To this day still that one inktober drawing featuring the Maxwell’s Silver Hammer Recording session :D

9. How many mutuals do you have?

tbh the exact definition of “mutual” is beyond me so I’m not sure. Let’s just say there are definitely some people I love appearing on my dash

10. How many followers do you have?

495 as we speak ^^

11. How many people do you follow?

52 blogs respectively because I always need some time and consideration before following anyone

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

I’m sure there are some cartoons I made counting as shitposts, at least that’s the category I’d put in any sort of meme redraw

13. How often do you use tumblr each day?

depends.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Sometimes “hOt tAkEs” will randomly appear on my dash and some of them really make my blood boil but not to the point I’d actually bother to interact with them. I just hate online drama way too much. Everytime I see internet discourse completely escalating about the most abstract of concepts I just wish these people would actually spend some time outside.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Oh speaking of random things on my dash that make my blood boil....! I wish :) everyone participating in :) blatant emotional manipulation :) a very pleasant “hope you’ll wet your sleeves while washing hands” :)

16. Do you like tag games?

yes ^^

17. Do you like ask games?

yeeeeess 

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

I thought the general opinion on tumblr fame is that it’s basically worthless? 

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

I don’t think so? However I love the things you people create <3

20. Tags

gonna tag: @catfacedcryptid @nolavulpina @taterpie @raptorcat1960 @mothmanghost @melloclastic and everyone who feels like it :)

[the-prince-of-professors]

I mean other adaptations like Cumberbatch!Sherlock, Rathbone!Holmes... Also I've read that there are Raffles adaptations shooted in 1930s. Are they worth watching?

Oh, well this might be a long post... 😅

Holmes adaptations: there are so many of them, obviously, and I have seen quite a few but far from all. If there is anyone who has followed me for more than four years or so, they might remember that I was in the BBC Sherlock fandom back in 2016-17-ish and was quite obsessed at that point. But that was pretty much my first Holmes experience, and I was new to tumblr and fandom, and hadn’t read the books yet. Then I did, and then I found the Soviet adaptation, and also Raffles, and after that the series just... was not very interesting at all in comparison x) Plus, the toxic cult-like mentality of the fandom really drove me away, and now I haven’t watched it in years. It’s been too long for me to really have an opinion on how good an adaptation it is on a scale, but I mostly remember being impressed by the cinematography in particular. Thinking back though, I remember some weird choices being made, and I don’t think I’d like it much as an adaptation at this point. Maybe as a series disregarding the source material, but I don’t know. Enough on that. Rathbone is another I haven’t been very interested in. I’ve watched a few and was very much Not Impressed, especially by the portrayal of Watson. I know there are better and worse ones among them though and have meant to watch some that others find better, but haven’t gotten around to it yet. I don’t know, I often find that the most popular adaptations are just... a bit overrated, I suppose. There is so much out there that is underrated just because it’s not as well known, like Howard Holmes, and like the Soviet series which is constantly eclipsed by Granada while being just as superb in production quality and, depending on your personal taste, perhaps an even better adaptation (you can guess where I land on that...). 

All in all, I have my favourites but I’m also very interested in watching a new adaptation. Seeing what the creators have made with the material is sometimes wonderful, sometimes disappointing, but always interesting. 

When it comes to Raffles adaptations, there is a significantly smaller selection. The TV series is by far the best and the most extensive screen adaptation, I think I can say that more as a fact than as a personal opinion. There is a handful of silent era adaptations that are not very interesting -- adapting Raffles back in the day tended to be more along the lines of “Look, cool and suave villain!! Let’s have him fall in love and redeem himself. Bunny who?”. It’s been awhile since I watched them and I’m not sure I watched all of them so there might be something interesting there still, but on the whole... well. 

Then there are the ‘30s adaptations, yes! There is one from 1930 which is based on the early 1900s play Raffles, the Amateur Cracksman (which, I believe, all of the silent adaptations were based on as well -- and reminds me that I need to actually read that play one of these days), and then one from 1939 which is actually just a remake of the first one. I have only watched the ‘39 version, so I can’t compare the two, but I genuinely love that one! Not that it’s an excellent adaptation of the books or that it doesn’t have problems. But it’s just a nice little film in itself, with that romantic touch typical for the golden age, and most of all I just love David Niven as Raffles and Douglas Walton as Bunny (even though we don’t get that much of him). Niven’s Raffles is, in the story, a bit too much on the redeeming side to really be book Raffles; but he is charming and joyful and sparkling in all the right ways, and just has the right spirit for A. J., you know. They have him fall in love with Bunny’s sister here, but... since canon Bunny actually is an only child, I’ve chosen to interpret her as just a stand-in for Bunny ^^ It also happens to be a modern AU version, which is kinda fun, and it has some cricket, and also has Raffles partnering up with a kitten for a burglary which is just precious. Base line, it’s not the best but it’s definitely not awful, and it’s a nice and feel-good way to spend an hour. 

There is also the radio adaptation, which is a rather extensive adaptation and actually covers most of the canon stories. While it’s generally popular within the fandom, it is something of a vexation for me -- it comes off as being a more or less direct adaptation of the books, while in fact making a ton of minor changes and omissions that are both seemingly uncalled for and that changes the stories (and the characters) significantly. While the TV series also makes a few changes, they are usually both for a good reason and well done -- and the ones that are not are too few to really be bothersome. But in the radio series they are so frequent and numerous and, frankly, awful, that at least I have trouble enjoying the series, even though it has some good moments too. This however mostly applies to the first two series -- in the third series, which covers the Earl’s Court and Ham Common eras, it keeps much closer to the spirit of canon and has some really awesome moments. (They changed writer for the third series, so I really think the first writer was the Problem...). I say it’s still worth a listen because it’s the biggest adaptation we have next to the TV series, but like... please for the love of Hornung, read the books first.

Well, that did turn out rather long. I hope I answered your question, and feel free to ask away if you have anything else on your mind! ☺

[kyurilin]

2010-2019 Or The Overly Non Dramatic Story of How Kyuri's Decade Went

Technically this isn't a part of this decade review but I'm posting this on December 24th specifically because 10 years ago today I spoke to @mist-over-water on the phone for the first time after having known her for three years and I'm pretty sure we both cried

2010

met @mist-over-water for the first time in person. Took her to the beach where she promptly got roasted by the sun. Took her to the mountains. Took her out to practice driving in a local high school parking lot because why not. I cried so hard when she had to go home and God help me I'd only known her four years at that point.

Flunked a math class for the first time. Funny enough, it was because I'd been put in the advanced math courses for years and that was the year I both had a teacher I hated and could no longer reasonably fake my way through understanding math. Don't put your kids in advanced courses unless you're certain they can keep up with it people I only really was an advanced reader.

My dog Scruffy passed away :(

Started my senior year of high school

2011

Managed to graduate high school on time despite having to take 2 whole math courses during senior year (and with @mist-over-water 's who will now be referred to as Gabby because simplicity buddies sending me 'GRADUATE' messages so I'd have the motivation to go see her in person)

Got to go to England to see Gabby which, dream come true. Had a blast. Met the two precious nieces she had, her brother who's accent I couldn't understand, her mom who is one of the sweetest people, and her grandparents who I got to watch a lot of old British gameshows with.

Saw Wicked from second row seats in London.

Saw Cars 2 three times with Gabby which is why I'm still emotionally invested in Cars 2 because boy getting to see the sequel movie to the movie that ended up allowing you to cross paths with someone you really clicked with is AN. EXPERIENCE.

Cried when I finally had to leave because I was 18 and terrified of the future and didn't know when or if I'd ever see my friend in person again.

Started at community college in the film and video program

2012

Finished my first year of community college

Wrote my first original novel that will honestly never see the light of day. It's terrible ya'll

Through circumstances I still regret started losing my friendship with Gabby and boy do I hate who I was a person during that time

Started my second year of community college

2013

Worked on the X Factor as a production assistant.

Probably around this time that Gabby and I stopped talking which was better for us at that point. Still took an emotional toll to lose a friend that I'd known for 7 years at that point but in the long run we did need the distance (and I'm sorry to throw it all out here like this Gabby if you want it edited tell me I'm just putting it all out lmao)

Through a cosmic aligning of the universe by which I mean a special interest in both Minecraft and Achievement Hunter at the same time, I found a small Minecraft server that I could play on and met some really great people

Started my third year of community college

Oh yeah met @inspector-starfish from the Minecraft server for the first time in person, me and my brother stole her from her college and took her to the state fair with us.

2014

Started easing into talking to Gabby again (I remember the message with new baby Imogen!!!) Which was a blessing

I can't remember if it was 2014 or 2015 but at some point Gabby also hung out with me on the Minecraft server with my other buddies

Worked on Catfish as a Production Assistant for like 2 days and I still think I was fired lmao

My dad was arrested. Which is... The hardest thing to type out. Because everything before 2014 feels so distant because of the events.

He got put in jail and we bailed him out, but a month later he got arrested again and we couldn't bail him out this time.

God help me I'm so glad I had gotten back to talking to Gabby at this point I vaguely remember a sobbing Skype call between us.

I don't even remember what classes I was in at community college anymore that's how bad it is.

I basically dropped out though.

I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I stopped... Being. That's really what it narrows down to. Only one of my real life friends knew what happened and I broke down everytime I thought about it so i'm pretty sure at one point I had a panic attack on my way to hang out with Friend A, who knew, and Friend B, who didn't.

I did start talking to @rhysispiecess that year. Through a post on here actually (we were also on the same Minecraft server but because I didn't really play that much that I remember after this whole thing I kinda forgot who he was).

I think (maybe???) I also met @belle-sourires and @youllthinkofsomething that year.

We moved from the house we'd lived in 13 years to a little rental house where we had the sweetest neighbors

2015

I spent a lot of time reading and crying in 2015 lmao

Also spent a lot of time talking to @rhysispiecess (the FNAF AU years God bless them for being a much needed distraction from real life)

Dad went to actual prison and boy that's an experience having to visit him there every week

We moved again this time to a small apartment

Got my first real job that wasn't being a production assistant (the same job I still have!)

Started to make actual attempts at writing again but struggled with it a lot

2016

For the first time since 2014 I actually wrote more than a simple one off story of the course of a month

Saved up my money and went to California to meet @rhysispiecess and @27thousandlizards.

Confused the shit out of Luke's (@27thousandlizards ) grandma

Was so tired I cried when I saw how little Corgi puppies are

Got to see @inspector-starfish and @youllthinkofsomething in San Diego where they were doing a robot thing as usual

Got to see the end bit of Route 66 cause wouldn't you know Rhys lives right near it (and as a huge Cars fan oh my God FATE)

Had an absolute blast with both Rhys and Luke and cried when I had to leave them because boy do I love friends

2017

Cars 3 came out and I transcended to a higher plane of being

Okay not really but I'm sure ya'll remember the days where I was mostly a Cars blog

100% I know I've said this before but all of the Cars movies have hit with specific messages at exactly the point in my life I needed to hear those messages so like. Poetic cinema.

Made some fantastic friends from those days

After 11 years of attempts at writing a redemption arc for a certain Cars character I finally wrote one and IT WAS GREAT

Cars 3 also managed to make me write again which has continued to be a struggle since 2014

Oh yeah became single again I was in a relationship but that ended TIME FOR ALONE (learned I'm still a terrible person who doesn't handle relationships well so hey not bad I'll leave people out of my overly anxious 'they must hate me' mentality)

2018

Fell out of writing again after the Cars 3 hype died down enough lmao

Got to meet @whipplefilter and @the-kings-tail-fin for a road trip around NC which was fantastic

Played way too much Nintendo Switch

Gabby got engaged and I absolutely cried for like an hour because how the fuck do you not cry when someone you've known for so long gets engaged (I'm still so happy for her @onetruejonsey seems like a really wonderful guy)

Oh yeah we moved again we have a real house now but the neighbors are redneck assholes

2019

Thanks to FNAF Help Wanted, I got whiplashed back into that fandom BUT I did start writing pretty regularly again. In fact I've written more this year than all the years since I stopped COMBINED. Which means I was both in the right headspace to actually want to write again as well as being able to keep myself focused on it.

Met Jodie Benson (ARIEL!!!!!!), Daniel Logan (KID BOBA FETT) and Christopher Sabat at GalaxyCon. Right. I went to my first convention despite being terrified of it

I cried like a bitch meeting Jodie Benson and she hugged me. I told Daniel Logan I'd had a crush on him as a kid and that Attack of the Clones was still my favorite Star Wars (which it is I wasn't lying) and he hugged me. Got to hear Sean Schemmel call Christopher Sabat out for being so friendly that his line was ridiculous which was great because boy did I not have enough money to meet more than three people. Christopher Sabat was fantastic too.

Went to DC with my 3 closest IRL buddies I've known since like 2008 and despite some arguments none of us killed each other. Nearly destroyed my feet from all the walking though. Don't know how we'd survive a trip to Japan which they all want to do.

Started formulating my next novel idea

It's been a long decade. Really the first half feels like it happened to another person.

I want to say, more than anything, if it weren't for Gabby I never would have had the courage to meet so many of my other online friends. She flew over here to meet me when I was 17 and she was 15 going on 16. We were so young and my dad and her mom worked so hard to make sure that we could actually meet each other and I'm forever thankful for that. I went across the ocean by myself at 18, an autistic disaster of a human, and somehow I didn't panic or get lost or anything. Without those experiences I never would have had the courage to do a lot of the things I've done since.

I'm still terrified of the future though. I have no idea if I'll even save enough money to go to England to see Gabby again (and God we actually need to talk more because I feel like a terrible friend ALL I DO IS SEND GIRAFFE PHOTOS). I don't even know what I want out of life.

Here's hoping though that I can continue to have some adventures and meet more of my online buddies in the next decade!

[abschaumno1]

AbschaumNo1′s Big Catchup Post of All the Fic You Missed

Okay so since I am back on my old bs apparently (for however long it lasts) and I just realised that I haven’t posted links to my fic since the beginning of 2017, I thought I’d do a bit of a roundup of all the fics I posted since then.

There are 59 of them since New Year’s 2016/17 (and no I don’t know who let me do that either), sorted here by fandom and then grouped together by series or pairing. Fic titles link to the fic on AO3.

Assassin’s Creed

Malik Al-Sayf/Altaïr Ibn La’Ahad

All That Still Needed To Be Said 

Altaïr and Malik had a system.

Football RPF

Jakub Błaszczykowski/Łukasz Piszczek

You’re Driving Home For Christmas

Lukasz and Kuba celebrate Christmas together

Hermitcraft RPF

Hermitcraft Fantasy AU

Meetings (Gen)

Doc found the man in a tavern

An Unexpected Journey (Tangpulse, Minor and Background Relationships) WIP (Chapter 10/? posted as of the making of this post)

Xisuma sends Tango to talk to a potential new Hermit. Neither of them expects the journey that follows.

Home Is Where You Are (Tangpulse)

Tango and Doc are late to return home from their trip to the city. Tango just hopes he won't miss his and Impulse's anniversary completely.

Natural Phenomena

Meadows of Heaven (Scarian)

Grian and Scar get stuck in the rain on a resource gathering trip.

The Oncoming Storm (Gridoc)

Doc and Grian watch a storm coming in.

Let The Rain Come Down (Xisuma & Evil Xisuma)

Evil X discovers rain.

Finding Home (Zedaph/Tango/Impulse)

In the beginning all was chaos. But then the worlds were built.

Gridoc

Realisations

Five times Hermits see Doc and Grian together and have to realise that they may have gotten some false impressions.

Now The Armour’s Wearing Thin (3/3 Chapters)

Grian wasn't initially worried when Doc started to work on Area 77, but after he wakes him from a nightmare he starts to think that he should maybe figure out what's going on.

Keralis/Bdubs

Campfire Nights

In which Bdubs and Keralis are close and Bdubs is clueless until he's not. Neither of those make talking to Keralis about it any easier.

Zedaph/Tango/Impulse

The Bunny Slippers

The bunny slippers were supposed to be a joke gift. Little did Impulse and Zedaph know how much Tango would actually love them. 

Hockey RPF

Back to You (Brent Seabrook/Andrew Shaw)

Your Love Will Take Me Home (5/5 chapters)

Andrew doesn’t usually go for team mates. But Seabs… Seabs is hot and Andrew will be damned if he’s not everything he’s looking for in a guy. And it’s just flirting, it’s not like there’s anything more going on between them. Or is there?

You’ve Got To Give Him Some Faith - Hold Him Tight

Andrew comforts Brent after the Hawks lose against the Stars.

Brothers Under the Sun (Brandon Bollig & Andrew Shaw)

A story in five joke mugs (and one non-joke mug)

A Night to Remember

Andrew surprises Brent for his thousandth NHL game

Together - A Family

It's Brent's birthday.

Le Ciel À l’Infini Embrasse l’Univers

Andrew and Brent take Pricey up on his offer to visit.

You Know I’ll Be There

‘When did we adopt Lehky?’ Brent texts Andrew as soon as he sees the photo.

You Can Depend on Me

Andrew seeing his family when the Habs play in Chicago

I’ll Fly Like An Eagle (Jesperi Kotkaniemi/Victor Mete)

Jesperi has a problem, Andrew has advice, and Victor has no clue (until he has)

Someday I’ll Be Where You Are

Three years after being traded to Montreal, Andrew is traded once again. This time he gets to go back home to his family.

You Were There When I Needed You

They tell the kids on Boxing Day

Skate Date Verse (Brent Seabrook/Andrew Shaw)

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

‘I slept with Shawzy’ is all Seabs' text says, and… okay that’s not quite what Duncs expected. ‘Good for you’ he texts back, because well, what’s he supposed to say to that? ‘No. I SLEPT with Shawzy’

Your Best Shot

Andy and Brent spend their date night at Top Golf. It gets a little derailed.

The Hawks Cuddle Collection (Gen)

Tonight We Are Victorious

The Hawks cuddling after the win in Florida on November 24th 2018.

A Warm Welcome

Dylan has his first practice in Chicago. But the real cool stuff happens away from the ice.

A Welcome Surprise

Collin hadn't expected the cuddle piles.

Alex Debrincat/Dylan Strome

Not Your Fault

After the game Alex lets Dylan stew.

Brent Seabrook/Andrew Shaw

The Beginning of Forever

Andrew Shaw moves in with Brent Seabrook, falls in love, and accidentally marries him. Not in that order.

Brent Seabrook has a bunch of idiot friends, a husband he married accidentally, and three kids to worry about. Or maybe things are easier than he thinks.

Either way they're stuck together, so they better make it work.

Let’s Take On The World Together

The first Andrew sees of Brent Seabrook is a glimpse of broad shoulders and a sweaty face with a beard. Luckily it's not the last he sees of him.

Take A Chance On Me

It took Andrew all of five minutes while walking from his first lecture to where he was meeting Saader to dig up everything he could find on Brent.

In which Brent is a TA for one of Andrew's courses and they fall in love.

Brent Seabrook/Jeremy Colliton

We’re Breaking All The Rules

Brent and Jeremy have an arrangement. Then Duncs finds out

Carey Price/P.K. Subban

A Bigger Heart I Have Never Seen

No one does Christmas quite like P.K. does

Connor McDavid/Dylan Strome

Christmas Cuddles

Connor and Dylan don't get much time together over Christmas but there's always time for cuddles.

Corey Crawford/Trevor van Riemsdyk

Second Chances

As nice as it is to have so many Ex-Hawks around he already knows, Trevor can’t help but think that it would be easier if he didn’t have the constant reminder of what he doesn’t have anymore.

Duncan Keith/Brent Seabrook

Second Chances

What Dylan and Alex didn't expect when they introduced their dads to each other was that they already knew each other.

What neither Brent, not Duncan expected was to find out that things in their lives might have gone differently.

Duncan Keith/Jeremy Colliton

Let Me Take Care Of You

Jeremy figures out quickly that Duncs does a lot to take care of his teammates. It takes him a bit longer to figure out that Duncs needs to be taken care of, too.

Kyle Dubas/William Nylander

A Deadline Is Not The End At All

William Nylander was without a doubt the worst student Kyle had ever had.

In which Kyle supervises Willy's thesis, Willy doesn't actually show his work before the deadline, and feelings develop.

Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid

“Let’s Go”

After Game 5 against the Ducks

One Out Of 80 Million

Connor goes to Germany with his friends, gets lost and finds a handsome stranger

A Boy Worth Fighting For

There's three sensible survival instincts: to flee, to play dead, and to fight. Connor needs three tries to find the right one.

Let Me Worry

Connor denies that his ankle hurts

I Sang About You The Whole Time

There’s a playlist Leon has that he kind of hopes no one will ever find out about.

You Should Come Up For Coffee

Connor asks Leon to come along to dinner with Alex and Dylan. Realisations are had.

The End of Summer

Shocked But Fighting

Connor goes down with a knee injury.

Set during/after the game in Calgary on 7th April 2019

Leon Draisaitl/Milan Lucic/Connor McDavid

Let’s Start A New Tradition

There were lots of things Milan expected when he came to Edmonton. This was not one of them.

Acting Tough

Leon's a little fidgety, playing with the strings of Connor's hoodie, and his voice is soft when he says, "So I think I'll tell my family." "Yeah?" Milan asks. "Yeah."

Michael Latta/Tom Wilson

Christmas Morning

Christmas is not the same without Latts.

Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

Gift wrapping and a nutcracker

Patrick’s first reaction to the video of the gift wrapping competition is to laugh.  

Saving You, Saving the World

It's the day before Christmas and Patrick gets to save Jonny's ass from a nefarious kidnapping plot. Again. He doesn't know what he did to deserve this.

Le Moose-bouche

Jonny quits hockey, becomes a chef and moves to Paris. Patrick is with him every step of the way.

(Spin off of Let's Take On The World Together but can be read as a standalone.)

Les Misérables

Enjolras/Grantaire

Feast of Love

Grantaire had thought Enjolras would be a grinch, but he's everything but.

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Bruce Banner & Clint Barton

Stages of Grief

When they find Clint he is changed.

Bucky/Steve

A White Christmas

Steve gets Bucky back. A story in three Christmases.

A Hundred Years in the Making

Five times Steve only draws others + 1 time he includes himself.

The Raven Cycle

Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish

What To Gift A Dreamer

Adam wonders what to get Ronan for Christmas

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#190-181)

#190: Kaliopi -- Crno i Belo (North Macedonia 2012)

“Отвори душа признај ми, Што сме сега јас и ти, Пола мое во тебе, А пола твое спие во мене,”

“Open your soul and admit to me, What we are now, you and me Half of me is in you And half of you is sleeping in me”

Kaliopi was supposed to be (North) Macedonia's first entrant in the 1996 with the song Samo Ti, but an audio-only pre-qualifying round ended up preventing her from doing so. Whereas Samo ti is a calming, R&B influenced song, Crno i belo is an alternative rock song which takes a number of twists.

Crno I Belo starts slowly, but it really picks up from the second verse onwards as it transforms into a rock song. There’s a sense of confrontation with the lyrics, which the music also tries to convey. And I don’t need to say much about Kaliopi’s vocals—a bit harsh, but awesome. And that scream is nothing but penetrating.

Personal ranking: 4th/42 Actual ranking: 13th/26 GF in Baku

#189: Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes (Sweden 2015)

"Now go sing it like a hummingbird The greatest anthem ever heard"

I know there was a bit of flack of Sweden's most recent win, because they won primarily because of the jury (they were third in the televote). Compared to "Grand Amore", which comfortably won the televote but only gotten sixth with the juries, which was a pretty bad mismatch.

In addition, compared to the other fan-favorites of the class of 2015, Heroes is a more mainstream-sounding pop song, with influences from "Lovers from the Sun" and the highly produced Swedish-pop scene. But when I listen to it, it's very engaging and surprisingly danceable, with a great message of strength and togetherness. And the staging was quite slick and creative (with a bunch of influence on some of those from the following year)

So while Heroes is not my personal favorite of 2015, it's still a compelling and awesome pop song. Six years later, it's holds up fantastically.

Personal ranking: 7th/40 Actual ranking: 1st/27 GF in Vienna

#188: Elitsa Todorova & Stoyan Yankoulov -- Water (Bulgaria 2007)

"Море, Митра пее на реката Митре ле, ий… Митре ле"

"Lo, Mitra sings by the river Oh Mitra, eeh.. oh Mitra"

I have the strange impression that Bulgaria has a trance music scene we don't know of. From Elitsa and Stoyan's two appearances to the lyrics of Stanga being taken from a Bulgarian folk song, it's something that was not in focus in the rest of the world.

That said, Bulgaria's only qualifying song prior to 2016 is an experience to behold. While the lyrics are simply about Mitra meeting a lad riding a horse, the soundscape feels like you're in the surreal place yourself. You are in a rush against time, but you're also on a journey towards...somewhere.

Both the music and drumming really amplify the experience; seeing Elitsa and Stoyan drum together was a highlight for me. And while there are questions about Elitsa's vocals, including a point where she goes off-key, she still provides the necessary tone for this intriguing song.

Personal ranking: 4th/42 Actual ranking: 5th/24 GF in Helsinki

#187: Tose Proeski -- Life (North Macedonia 2004)

“Life is a book and you gotta read it Life is a story and you gotta tell it Life is a song and you gotta sing it You've got to know how to live it.”

For some curious reason, I prefer the English-version of this song to the Macedonian language one. Whereas this one, performed from Eurovision, focuses on the angst of existence and the importance of making the most of it, "Angel si ti" is an ode towards a lover who lines his streets with roses and even turns back time.

That's one of the things which work here that really shouldn’t. The mid-2000s sound, the lyrics, and the sheer angst of it. But for some reason, I really enjoy it. Tose (RIP) sings this really well, and it feels like a song out of a musical, in a scene where the protagonist cannot decide what they want to do with their life. It's awesome and I love this lots (and please, put this in a hypothetical Eurovision jukebox musical--there's so much plot potential!)

Personal ranking: 6th/36 Actual ranking: 14th/24 GF in Istanbul

#186: Lisa Andreas -- Stronger Every Minute (Cyprus 2004)

“My love grows stronger every minute And it won’t ever die You must believe I’ll always be there For you, all my life”

Greece and Cyprus are basically sisters in the contest--you can almost always expect them to give votes to each other considering the circumstances. However, their combined quality frequently varies, as well as results. 2004 was their best results year, though not necessarily their best in terms of songs (you'll get that later, towards the end)

At fifth place, Stronger Every Minute shared the best Cypriot entry ever with two other entries (one of which is #239, another coming soon) until 2018. This time, it comes in the form of a delicate love song, performed so tenderly and serenely by Lisa. Despite her looks making her look older than sixteen, she conveys a sense of innocence, helped by the glockenspiel and the acoustic guitar throughout.

I love how sincere she sings this “love letter”, as one blogger put it--I hope everyone can feel a love like this! A pure oasis in the flash and chaos of the 100% televote era.

Personal ranking: 5th/36 Actual ranking: =5th/24 GF (with Sweden) in Istanbul

#185: Paloma San Basilio -- La fiesta terminó (Spain 1985)

“La fiesta terminó Ya no hay más que niebla entre tú y yo ¿Para qué echar más leña arder Si el fuego se ha apagado ya?”

“The party’s over There’s only a fog between you and me Why throwing more wood to burn When the fire is already dull?"

Juan Carlos Calderon and Paloma San Basilio are really well known in their fields --the former is a noted songwriter who already wrote one of the biggest hits in Latin America, whereas the latter is a noted singer and theater actress who would win a Latin Grammy and play Evita.

Together, they have this really nice power ballad, albeit one with a bit of melancholy in it. The lyrics are the strong part of this piece, telling of a relationship that has come to an end using the party as a metaphor for it. It works very well, especially with Paloma's warm voice and the way she emotes the song through her hand gestures.

The resulting package is quite sad, yet very, very beautiful. Unfortunately, it didn't get the result it deserved (which maybe because of that backing vocalist picking at his nose...).

Personal ranking: 2nd/19 Actual ranking: 14th/19 in Gothenburg

#184: Sakis Rouvas -- Shake It (Greece 2004)

“I would trade my life for a night with you Driven by desire”

(Yes, this is already the third song from 2004 to appear in this section. haha. The first two that appeared here are fighting for my fifth, whereas the top four here is the exact same top four of that year.)

The first of the Greek Golden Era, we get Sakis Rouvas in all his glory. This was a hit when it was first released, and it at one point was the highest selling single of all-time in Greece. And as of 2021, it's still the highest-scoring Greek entry, despite them winning the following year.

While his regular discography doesn’t usually feature Greek elements, as he's better known for popularizing pop and rock influences in Greek music, I still think the bouzouki riffs do a good job here adding to this bop (the composer is Nikos Terzis--remember this name).

It's a dancefloor banger which I keep on repeat, and it seems that people across the continent have done so too! Especially those from Turkey. The performance is also quite fun, albeit with some...curious choreography (e.g. 1:42-1:46). That said, we also get some of Sakis' athleticism, thanks to him doing track when he was younger.

Personal ranking: 4th/36 Actual ranking: 3rd/24 GF in Istanbul

#183: Claude Lombard -- Quand tu Reviendras (Belgium 1968)

"Passent les semaines, se traînent les jours Et moi, j’attends ton retour En filant la laine dans mes beaux atours En bordant ma peine de doux fils d’amour"

"Weeks passing by, the days are lingering And I’m waiting for your return Spinning the wool in my beautiful finery Embroidering my pain in soft threads of love"

A couple of commenters compared to a Kate Bush song, and I think it comes down to Claude’s voice, which is very ethereal. However, Claude's voice has some depth, which, in comparison to Kate Bush's earlier work, is a bit more mature.

As for the song, it’s very folkloric but tragic, in which she yearns for the day her lover comes back. The use of strings helps in that it establishes a medieval ambience to it, but the overall feeling is still timeless. It’s almost as if one is caught into the story and wept along with her.

I especially love this because it stood out amongst the class of 1968--while most of the other songs has a happy-go-lucky vibe, Quand tu Reviendras goes in the opposite direction. Same with my runner-up.

Personal ranking: 1st/17 Actual ranking: =7th/17 (with Monaco and Yugoslavia) in London

#182: Doris Dragović - Marija Magdalena (Croatia 1999)

Maria Magdalena, gib mir deine Macht Für immer und nicht nur für eine Nacht

“Svjedok mi Bog, srca mi mog, Ova žena zna, da ti pripada sva...”

“As God is my witness, I swear by my heart, That this woman knows, she belongs to you entirely...”

(The first few lyrics were from the first Maria Magdalena from Austria, haha. Just wanted to mess with you. :) )

The second Marija Magdalena is a beloved entry in the fandom, and for good reason! It hasn’t aged since 1999, which shone amongst the relatively dull field with its mix of ethnic and dance music. Lyrically, it focuses on a love that redeems the narrator, hence the imagery related to Marija Magdalena (yay, religious imagery and redemption!). I think it works efficiently, and Doris performs well on stage with her powerful vocals and diva-like presence. Arguably, it's argued that it was the best song of 1999.

The only problem I have is with the backing vocals on the instrumental. The delegation cheated, and that’s the end of it. I’m still wondering why people would put this as their favorite of 1999 otherwise; even with the new rule about allowing them on the track. It puts me on edge on what would've happened had they won.

Beautiful song, but cheaters don't prosper in my book.

Personal ranking: 3rd/23 Actual ranking: 4th/23 in Jerusalem

#181: Evelin Samuel & Camille - Diamond of Night (Estonia 1999)

“Diamond of night, burning so bright Guide me my silvery new sign”

The last Eurovision song of the twentieth century is filled with mystical imagery, atmospheric instrumentation, and a beautiful violin solo. The whole thing reminds me of a fairytale, with a cool soundscape, though sometimes I feel like something is lacking in it (especially because it resembles some entries from the 1996 contest; I was thinking of I evighet when writing this)

The lyrics are especially pertinent for Evelin Samuel (the singer), who tried to get to Eurovision throughout the entire 1990s. She was about to go as one half of the Estonian duo from 1996, when she suddenly got a tour in Japan, which was then canceled. She managed to become a backing vocalist in 1997, and finally got her chance here. Seeing her sing "now i can say it's my time" is very touching, even if her eyes seem to be bulging out!

In the end, it's a peaceful and serene song, with hope for the new millenium. However, considering what the first song of Eurovision 2000 would be, little did one know it won't always start on the right foot...

Personal ranking: 2nd/23 Actual ranking: 6th/23 in Jerusalem

[naturepointstheway]

Actually can you just answer all of those questions?

Sure thing! :D I removed the ones I already answered before, so here goes!

1.“Poor unfortunate souls!” (Your top three angsty fanfics you wrote in 2017 you’re personally proud of.)

Normal to Weep -- just the idea of Lumiere comforting Prince Adam after his mother’s death and the mourning period is over, assuring him he’s completely human in still grieving even after thirty days.

Such Love and Hope Endure -- Again, with Lumiere and young Prince Adam. I would say this is more bittersweet, as there is a little bit of a “hope spot” in there, but definitely leans more on the bitter side of bittersweet.

Forever Can Spare a Minute -- how can writing from Adam’s mother’s point of view when she’s dying be anything but angsty/sad? Judging by the amount of flailing in the notes, this definitely broke a couple of hearts at least.

2. “And I’m almost there. Almost there!” (Any WIPs you started in 2017 that you hope to finish in 2018?)

Well, I do have one story that is openly in progress on AO3, and technically because I started it in a word doc, my Batb/A Christmas Carol one would count too. But I hope to finish that in 2017 while it’s still Christmas. All of December is Christmas.

3. ��Come on and kiss the girl!” (Which of your personal OTPs did you write about the most this year?)

Oooh that’s easily gotta be Belle/Adam! I would say Plumette/Lumiere is a fair runner-up here too. 

4. “You’ll learn things you never knew you never knew.” (What is one thing you had to research for a fanfic [e.g. a medical condition, historical period…] you found interesting?)

Honestly, I can never really remember, probably because with one-shots I mostly can avoid that a little. 

5. “When you wish upon a star..” (Any fanfics you yet have to write but really want to?)

Oh god, there’s so many possibilities. I can’t really think of any in particular other than those already mentioned.

6. “Lavender blue, dilly, dilly…” (Your top three favourite pure, unadulterated fluff fanfics you wrote in 2017.)

Pouf Pouf -- Chip asking the prince to help him name a new kitten is cute, but KITTENS. 

Scarce to be Counted -- Wee Prince Adam attempting to count all the stars in the sky and rallying Plumette and Lumiere’s help in this? Too adorbs.

It Has Been So Long Since I Performed -- Adam and Chip convincing Lumiere to recreate Be Our Guest, essentially.

7. “Kings don’t need advice from little hornbills for a start!” (Any OCs you created that took a life of their own in 2017?)

No OCs for this year it appears. I guess I’m just not much for writing OCs in fanfics.

8. “I’ve started talking to the pictures on the walls!” (Did you get any awesome fanart of your fanfics in 2017? What were they for?)

No sadly, I didn’t. :( It would be an honour if someone did though!

9. “I wanna know about these strangers like me!” (Any fellow fans/fanfic-writers you became good buddies with and became each other’s beta-readers or discussion partners on future stories?)

Oh gosh, I met so many amazing people in this BatB fandom this year--including @lumiereswig who gives the best pep talks when one needs it, @batbobsession (whom I think was one of the first I followed in the BatB fandom this year), @tinydooms who is such a delightful and honest young lady, @sweetfayetanner who completely convinced me how amazing Chapeau/Adam’s mother is as a couple (and I admit, I was at first really shy of commenting much on her fics), and so many others, especially the one awesome person who comments on everything I post on AO3. 

11. “You can’t step in the same river twice. The water’s always changing, always flowing…” (What has improved most about your writing throughout 2017?) 

I have no idea--it’s really hard to be objective about one’s writing! I like to think that my characters have gotten a bit better as I got to know them (which is also why I tend to prefer BatB fics I wrote in more recent months (say the last three-ish months) to ones I wrote in June or July.

13. “Tale as old as time…” (What has been your favourite romance fic you’ve written this year?)

Oooh, I don’t write many primarily romantic fics, and in the absence of any I wrote that really stands out to me, I’m gonna go with the one I wrote with Tarzan/Jane from Disney’s Tarzan

Hot Cocoa

15. “The bare necessities, the bare necessities of life!” (Any fics you wrote this year that you got so excited about and so into that you forgot humans kinda need food and drink on a regular basis?)

I would say Inanimate (what do you mean 2am is a bad time to go to bed when you got class at 9am?) and no doubt there are others, but have forgotten since.

17. “Let it go, let it go…” (Any fandoms you were once really into that you slowly began writing fewer fics than usual for during this year?)

I’d definitely say Frozen even though I did write a few this year for that fandom, but definitely not as many as in 2016 or earlier.

[smileyanie]

Dear Sone, Just trust our girls, we been thru this and we can still go thru this crucial moment. Let’s stay together and support our girls!!!!

United We SONE – 8/16, credit oniontaker

-

17-08-16

For those of you who have been here for a while, you probably know me. Some of you may disagree with my how I conduct myself, but you know where my heart really is. You also know, whenever things are serious, whether you can or cannot believe what I write

For those of you who are new, hello and welcome. Try to keep up with the rest of the pack because this patch of fandom is going to be bumpy.

I’ve done a quick scan on twitter before writing this and I think most people have gotten the gist of my preliminary tweets, whether directly or via SONE hivemind. That’s encouraging since you’ll know where this post is headed.

Bringing you up to speed

SM’s contracts and negotiations were under wraps for the most part until I posted about how it worked, and luckily as it’s become common knowledge it makes my job easier.

SM usually start their idols off on a 5 year contract.

Idols are then usually offered 3 year extension deals with wholly different terms from their first contract (read: a lot better for them).

Idols are made to negotiate individually.

In SNSD’s case, like with almost all idols, their parents get involved with the negotiation (because Korean system of seniority and hierarchy makes negotiation between the agency and young adults very difficult).

Terms are loosely “renegotiated” at the beginning of every year of their employment, using the original contract as a framework.

Actual renewal negotiations are also done during the beginning of the year that it expires (so for SNSD, 2014 and 2017).

January is a pretty tense month for every idol under SM.

Where the the timeline begins

Take yourself back to 2014. I think I was the first person to break the news at the time. SM usually likes to wrap up everything by the end of January but things went a few days over the deadline as SM were still finalizing terms with Jessica.

SNSD were doing great in January 2014. “I Got a Boy” had gotten them more critical praise and attention, they’d won all the awards, they were sweeping through with album sales, merchandise and had proven that they were relatively versatile in dividing themselves up into smaller units to find successes in multiple fields.

I can’t go into any details on the terms but understand that SM gave them a very nice and cushy deal. Things went south towards the end of the year when things played out the way it did. I will still maintain to this day that no matter how many OT8 or Golden Stars will accuse someone or another, the fuller picture that I’ve been privileged enough to see has been that neither SNSD nor Jessica can be blamed for what happened in that time. I didn’t want to touch on it but I have to because it’s a relevant event on the timeline. Since I do, I need to stress that point as much as I can before moving on.

In the remaining contract period, SM got distracted with huge plans involving China and groups that were going to debut. Talk to anyone who claims to be an insider in SM and they will tell you that they are woefully understaffed and their leadership easily distracted by grand plans and ideas. Sure, we got Lion Heart but I think any SONE who was following events unfold in real time would agree that SM made full or good use of the girls; and so SM didn’t get back what they had initially expected, even though really, they were to blame.

The events of this year

Fastforward to the end of 2016 and January, yes the all important month of January, of 2017: SM want to average out what they had wanted from the previous three years with what they will be getting in 2017 to 2020. They want SNSD members to take the lowest possible deal on the table.

SM are fielding several plays at once right now.

Carrot and stick the girls: Show the girls how much SM can give SNSD, and then snatch it away abruptly. You’ve probably seen enough gangster movie stereotypes to know a “play ball and things will stay nice.” when you see it in real life. I’m telling you as someone who’s been watching this play out for years from different companies… this is the entertainment industry version of it.

Carrot and stick the fans: Show the fans how much SNSD they could get, and then snatch it away abruptly. They want us to be worked up into a fever pitch and then beg for more, ignorantly, because we don’t know what’s going on under the surface. I’m telling you that begging SNSD members to “PLEASE STAY UNNIEEEE” is playing right into their hands.

Divide and conquer: they want to divide fandoms into pressuring individual members into doing what SM wants, since the public will be somewhat indifferent and fans will be the tastemakers in the community campaigning and complaining about the situation. I’m going to go deeper into this below.

I think they’ve already released to the media that some members have re-signed contracts and while that is “technically true”, “technically true” is dangerously misleading. Contracts are individually different and each member wants different solo activities (whether it’s acting, singing, variety shows) so all of the terms are different. The situation is intensely complicated and SM are taking advantage of that and trying to make sure that their misleading, simple narrative “some members signed but some members won’t”.

When in doubt, SONEs, where do we look? We look to the girls.

During this comeback, when have the girls ever looked like they were singling anyone out? They don’t blame any of themselves for the choices they have made or the stance that they stand. You can feel how much they respect the wishes of, and trust the intentions of every other member in the group, despite this picture of a divided group that SM wants to paint.

SM want there to be confusion and in-fighting, because we all know how in-fighting ends: we flock to our main biases and start pointing fingers at individual fandoms of other members to blame. This cannot be allowed to happen because that is clearly not going to help the girls in any way.

As much detail as I can share right now

The member(s) who are still fighting SM at the negotiation table have refused to give in, even when SM issued an ultimatum to decide by January 31st (or else).

I mean it’s crazy that they’ve been able to hold against SM for EIGHT MONTHS without giving in; our girls are strong women but I also don’t think you could do that without being able to believe in the support of the girls who had already re-signed. The crazier thing is that winning in small incrememtns right up until the comeback too; they were successful in negotiating SM to make changes to make the unfair contract fairer but quite frankly, it still is unfair.

It’s only now that SM are dangling a lot of different group projects in their face, hoping they’ll cave in for short-term things when the remainder of the three years .

Going forward

There is no grand conspiracy from the K-Pop industry to dismantle SNSD. This is brinksmanship at best and feels more like an inside job. K-Pop is a business and if you’ll excuse the pun, you’re seeing the business end of it courtesy of SM Entertainment.

SM doesn’t always do this but when they do, things can get ugly.

This whole promo cycle. Being edited out of shows. Being excluded arbitrarily after those amazing teasers and a full week of epic action, drawing in huge numbers to TV shows and album sales outpacing manufacturing speed.

As fans, I don’t think we should, however passively, rush the girls, or pressure them into making decisions. SM is trying to use SONEs as a weapon against SNSD and we cannot allow this.

Trust in SNSD to make the right moves and continue to love and support them without picking sides.

[supernaturally-writing]

Tagged by my #1 tumblr love @marril96 1. WHAT SEASON DID YOU START WATCHING SUPERNATURAL? I started watching it over last summer (2016) bc I was home alone and had nothing better to do. I binge watched all ten season in a little over three weeks, then the week before s12 I binge watched all of season 11 in like four or five days. S12 is when I started watching it every week with the rest of the fandom. 2. WHO WAS THE FIRST CHARACTER YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH? Dean. Hands down. 3. WHO WAS A CHARACTER THAT YOU HATED AT FIRST BUT GREW TO LOVE? I hated Sam, actually. I think I hated him because I understood him. I'm in a similar position, where I'm forced to be a certain person and do certain things even though this isn't necessarily how I want to live. So, because I was in a really dark place at that time, I hated him. But I grew to love him and his strength, even if in the first season or two he mostly came off as the pouty kid he'd never gotten to be before then. 4. WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU MOST WANT TO BE IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP WITH? Um. Someone who doesn't die every week? Lol, since I know that's not a possibility, then I'm going with Dean and Cas. 5. IF YOU COULD GO ON JUST ONE DATE WITH ONE CHARACTER, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU CHOOSE? Mmm... Gabriel. I miss my archangel. And I think he'd understand the human aspect to dating and relationships more than a mojo'd castiel would. 6. WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON THE DATE? Explore. See some place I've never seen before. Eat the local food without getting sick. (I have a few diagnosed problems that make me sick when I eat literally just about anything at all, so I always have to live within five feet of a restroom if we're not at home. I'd like to have that angel-assistance, TBH.) Id let him drag me around to his favorite places around the world, and I'd ask him what made them his favorite, and I'd ask to watch the sunset at his #1 favorite, because dusk is my absolute favorite time of day; I'd like to share favorites for a little while. Favorite place, favorite time, favorite angel. 7. WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU MOST WANT TO BE LIKE? It's a toss-up between Dean and Sam. I'm a lot like Dean, actually, so I often see myself trying to be more like Sam. More hopeful, more forgiving, less guarded. 8. WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO SEE BROUGHT BACK FROM THE DEAD? BOBBY. Our Bobby, too. Not AU not-our-Bobby Bobby. 9. WHICH CHARACTER WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO PUNCH? Dean, probably, for his self depreciation. Like, damn boy. Don't you see how important and relevant you are? Let me punch you-- then let me kiss away all this shit floatin around in your head. Next would be Lucifer. Because who doesn't want to punch the Devil? 10. WHO IS YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE CHARACTER? Oo. That's a tie between Dean, Cas and Gabriel. 11. WHICH “BIG BAD” DO YOU THINK WAS THE WORST? Lucifer. Ugh. His timeline has been drawn out so fucking far. They should've left him in season 5. 12. WHICH CHARACTER ARE YOU MOST LIKE? Dean, probably. 13. WHAT DEATH HIT YOU THE HARDEST? Sam's death at the end of season 2. I cried like a baby and took a break from binge watching for the night. Especially when Dean made the deal afterward, and bobby's "HOW MUCH TIME DID THEY GIVE YOU" thing just... Fuckin shredded me. 14. WHAT SEASON FINALE HIT YOU THE HARDEST? Uhhhhhh. Season 5, probably. Or season 9. 15. WHAT ARE YOUR TEN ALL-TIME FAVORITE EPISODES? Baby, Regarding Dean, French Mistake, Changing Channels, Swan Song, the first three episodes of season 10. The one that Jensen directed where you're with Bobby instead of the boys. 16. WHAT’S BEEN YOUR FAVORITE SEASON? Season 10. 17. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE ANGEL? Tie between Gabriel and Cas. 18. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE DEMON? Meg. 19. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE EVIL CHARACTER? Crowley. 20. DO YOU HAVE ANY SUPERNATURAL SHIPS? Megstiel. 21. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE SUPPORTING ACTOR? Ooh... Briana, probably. 22. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE FROM THE SHOW? "Family don't end in blood, but it don't have to start there either." That quote opened a lot of doors for me, and let me see shit in a whole new way. 23. IF YOU COULD CAST ONE FAMOUS ACTOR IN AN EPISODE OF SPN, WHO WOULD YOU CHOSE? Robert Downey Jr. 24. IF YOU COULD WRITE YOUR OWN EPISODE, WHAT KIND OF CREATURE WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE INCLUDED? Mmh... Mothman, because he's a local legend where I'm from. Or Goatman. 25. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE GIRL THAT DEAN’S HOOKED UP WITH? Idk if I have one. 26. WHO’S YOUR FAVORITE GIRL THAT SAM’S HOOKED UP WITH? Again idk. 27. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE CONVENTION MOMENTS? Any time that Jensen sings or Nesnej (drunk Jensen) comes on stage. Jensen/Misha panels. Just... Anything with J2M? 28. IF YOU WERE GOING TO GUEST STAR (OR BE A RECURRING GUEST STAR) ON SPN, HOW WOULD YOU WANT YOUR CHARACTER DESCRIBED? Um. Loyal, a little bit guarded with her emotions. Analytic, scrutinizing, not someone who makes dumbass decisions but would still be willing to go to the chopping block for those she loves. Maybe a brawler, someone who can kick ass and take names and had no shame in being unabashedly herself. 29. WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO SEE IN THE NEXT SEASON? Not the BMOL or Lucifer, that's for damn sure. Not a brain washed Castiel, either. 30.-40. IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE… BOBBY OR JOHN? Bobby. BELA OR RUBY? Bela. JESS OR MADISON? Madison. JO OR LISA? Lisa. CHARLIE OR KEVIN? Charlie. BALTHAZAR OR ASH? Both. CAS OR CROWLEY? Cas BEN OR CLAIRE? Claire JODY OR DONNA? Both SAM OR DEAN? Dean I'll tag my lowkey Tumblr crush @ohmychuckitssamanddean 🙈🙈

[kyrieanne]

2016: A Year in Fandom

I’m a sucker for end of the year lists and reflection, and while it’s already 2017 I’m gonna indulge a little bit...

VENTURING OUT

In the spring, I went to DC for the second ParksCon, a gathering of my Parks & Rec friend group. It was my first time attending, and it was SO MUCH FUN. These are ladies i’ve been talking to since 2010 back on the Ben & Leslie LJ. While the show has ended our friendships have endured and I have been so freaking thankful for them this year. That weekend was full of wine, sightseeing, talking loudly over one another, and flailing. 

(Bonus: getting my Library of Congress reading card with code-name-duchess)  

Right before Thanksgiving I went to my first ever fandom con - Heroes & Villians in Atlanta - with spunkyar & fulltimeprocrastinator. It was an experience made delightful because I got to spend time with them. (Above: the view from our hotel room) Other highlights: John Barrowman panel & seeing folks cosplay in person.

WRITING WORDS

My fic output has waned since graduating from grad school (how real life will do that to you!), but I did write a few things. 

Canaries - (WIP, 16k) Olicity coffeeshop AU’s with a dose of magical realism! Originally conceived as part of Olicity Fic Bang the story is still a work in progress (date for next chapter: Thursday, January 12), but I really do love the challenge of writing this story. I’m indebted to stars-inthe-sky who introduced me to coffeeshop AU’s and lulabo and nvwhovian for giving feedback. 

Want Will Steal Your Breath Away - (One Shot, 1700) A quiet moment between Peggy Carter and Daniel Sousa from Agent Carter. 

Drabbles

Leslie introduces Ben to Flipper & Steve [Parks & Rec]

Felicity contemplates what’s next after Oliver [Arrow]

Lizzie Bennet RoyaltyAU (with imaginarycircus) [Lizzie Bennet Diaries]

NEW DISCOVERIES

Like the rest of the world, I discovered Hamilton in 2016. Other new fandoms include Pitch, which might be the death of me, and The Good Place.

In 2016, two fandom related podcasts made the year infinitely better:  

Meta Station: A ‘The 100′ Podcast, which provides amazing indepth about The 100 

Fansplaining, which explores fandom at large. 

Something new for me in 2016 was supporting Fansplaining podcast on Patreon. It was an easy choice because I enjoy the podcast, but a side benefit has been it’s gotten me thinking about my stewardship of the media I consume because ultimately I want to make things and I want other talented folks to do as well. In 2017, I hope to be more proactive about supporting artists and media I think is doing good work. It feels more vital than ever. 

FAVORITE PERSONAL POSTS BY MONTH

January: A story about my church & homosexuality (a happy-ish one)

February: In which my computer scientist mother learns to use a Kindle

March: If you like Parks & Rec why you should give Superstore a Try 

April: On done is better than perfect, writing, and FEELS 

May: Tattooed dead trees

June: In which I had a very good day...

July: A letter about the art of change

August: Trump, race, & Christianity

September: A favorite outfit from the SUPERCLOSET

October: That time I went on vacation, but first reached an important writing milestone on my project with imaginarycircus & ladywhizbee. 

November: That time I baked cookies for a protest at a KKK rally

December: 5 things I like about me meme

FANDOM ADJACENT

During the past few years I haven’t felt like reading much, especially not at the levels I did when I was in grad school. (2013: 80 books, 2014: 8 books, 2015: 17 books...see what I mean?) I missed it, but didn’t at the same time. I was burnt out. The hard part is that reading spurs my writing like the moon chasing after the sun. So in 2016, I made the goal to read 52 books with the hope to stretch that muscle and I accomplished it. This makes me happy because I feel like me again. 

(If you’re curious about what books I liked best - let me know - cause I like talking about books. I’ve fallen out of the habit and miss it.) 

This is random, but I also went back to a paper calendar this year, and mid-way through swapped my Target planner for a Bullet Journal and it’s been FANTASTIC. I’ve found myself lurking in a bullet journal “fandom,” and it has reminded me that everyone has things they really like that won’t appeal to most other people. That’s okay. Good even. Still, the fandom life is for everyone in some shape or form. 

2017 

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about fandom and escape. We all use it to some degree to escape from the Real World (TM), but I think fandom is more than pure escape. Given the state of my country right now escape feels more like survival, but give the state of my country right now I need to be engaged in the Real World (TM) more than ever. I want to write about this - and other fandom related ideas - in some fashion this year (personal essay? article?) and get it published somewhere. I’m finding I have a lot feelings. This should surprise no one. 

I want Pitch to be renewed, and I want Arrow to stop underwriting Felicity. I need The 100 to not piss me off with dumb writing like it did for large swaths of last season. I want to thoroughly enjoy writing Canaries and keep a regular-ish schedule for it. I want to talk more with you all - take drabble prompts, debate meta, and flail. I expect fandom will continue to make me laugh and challenge my perspective.

So here’s to an as good as it could be fandom experience in 2016, and here’s to 2017...we’ve rested all our collectve hopes on you little year. No pressure or anything...

[p-artsypants]

320 State Street (17)- December 10, 2016

Previous

FF.net | AO3

Before we get into the chapter, I want to talk to you as a human.

As a writer and an artist, my job and my livelihood is to put my heart out on a platter (or the Internet) and wait for the knife. And for some reason, I like this arrangement. I love writing FanFiction, I love the whole process. And if you follow me, you’ll notice I’ve been reaching out into other fandoms to exercise. This story is so rich and complexed, and I still love it, but there was a disconnect whenever I tried to work on it. Then my mentor sent me this nugget of wisdom from David Foster Wallace. For anyone that wants to be a writer, I hope you read it.

“In the beginning, when you first start out trying to write fiction, the whole endeavor’s about fun. You don’t expect anybody else to read it. You’re writing almost wholly to get yourself off. To enable your own fantasies and deviant logics and to escape or transform parts of yourself you don’t like. And it works – and it’s terrific fun. Then, if you have good luck and people seem to like what you do, and you actually start to get paid for it, and get to see your stuff professionally typeset and bound and blurbed and reviewed and even (once) being read on the a.m. subway by a pretty girl you don’t even know it seems to make it even more fun. For a while. Then things start to get complicated and confusing, not to mention scary. Now you feel like you’re writing for other people, or at least you hope so. You’re no longer writing just to get yourself off, which — since any kind of masturbation is lonely and hollow — is probably good. But what replaces the onanistic motive? You’ve found you very much enjoy having your writing liked by people, and you find you’re extremely keen to have people like the new stuff you’re doing. The motive of pure personal starts to get supplanted by the motive of being liked, of having pretty people you don’t know like you and admire you and think you’re a good writer. Onanism gives way to attempted seduction, as a motive. Now, attempted seduction is hard work, and its fun is offset by a terrible fear of rejection. Whatever “ego” means, your ego has now gotten into the game. Or maybe “vanity” is a better word. Because you notice that a good deal of your writing has now become basically showing off, trying to get people to think you’re good. This is understandable. You have a great deal of yourself on the line, writing — your vanity is at stake. You discover a tricky thing about fiction writing; a certain amount of vanity is necessary to be able to do it all, but any vanity above that certain amount is lethal.

At some point you find that 90% of the stuff you’re writing is motivated and informed by an overwhelming need to be liked. This results in shitty fiction. And the shitty work must get fed to the wastebasket, less because of any sort of artistic integrity than simply because shitty work will cause you to be disliked. At this point in the evolution of writerly fun, the very thing that’s always motivated you to write is now also what’s motivating you to feed your writing to the wastebasket. This is a paradox and a kind of double-bind, and it can keep you stuck inside yourself for months or even years, during which period you wail and gnash and rue your bad luck and wonder bitterly where all the fun of the thing could have gone.

The smart thing to say, I think, is that the way out of this bind is to work your way somehow back to your original motivation — fun. And, if you can find your way back to fun, you will find that the hideously unfortunate double-bind of the late vain period turns out really to have been good luck for you. Because the fun you work back to has been transfigured by the extreme unpleasantness of vanity and fear, an unpleasantness you’re now so anxious to avoid that the fun you rediscover is a way fuller and more large-hearted kind of fun. It has something to do with Work as Play. Or with the discovery that disciplined fun is more than impulsive or hedonistic fun. Or with figuring out that not all paradoxes have to be paralyzing. Under fun’s new administration, writing fiction becomes a way to go deep inside yourself and illuminate precisely the stuff you don’t want to see or let anyone else see, and this stuff usually turns out (paradoxically) to be precisely the stuff all writers and readers everywhere share and respond to, feel. Fiction becomes a weird way to countenance yourself and to tell the truth instead of being a way to escape yourself or present yourself in a way you figure you will be maximally likable. This process is complicated and confusing and scary, and also hard work, but it turns out to be the best fun there is.

The fact that you can now sustain the fun of writing only by confronting the very same unfun parts of yourself you’d first used writing to avoid or disguise is another paradox, but this one isn’t any kind of bind at all. What it is is a gift, a kind of miracle, and compared to it the rewards of strangers’ affection is as dust, lint.”

—

“It’s snowing!” Tuff screamed at the top of his lungs.

“About time,” stated Astrid, from the counter. “It hasn’t snowed properly since thanksgiving.”

“I say, we go dune sledding on Sunday.” Tuff proposed. “Or, we could hook up the sled to my four-wheeler and ride around in the field behind my house. What do you guys say?”

Hiccup, who was now a mere shadow of his former shelf, smiled slightly. “Um, you know, that could be fun. What do you think Astrid?”

Hiccup always asked her permission to have fun these days. Because he felt like he didn’t deserve it himself. Which was a retched way to live. And she told him as much. Still, the look of guilt never washed away from his face. “I think that sounds like a great idea.” She smiled back.

“Awesome! I’ll make sure to get the sleds. I’ll text ya later with the details.”

Astrid was unbelievably grateful that it was winter and their friends were mostly oblivious. She didn’t need anyone asking about why she and Hiccup had lost so much weight, or why Hiccup was always exhausted. The obvious answer is that he couldn’t sleep. The more complicated answer was that the lie was literally swallowing him whole.

Jail or not, she couldn’t take it anymore.

On the way home, both were quiet, before Astrid finally spoke. “We should tell Heather.”

The car swerved slightly. Astrid couldn’t tell if it was black ice, or shock. “What?”

“We can’t keep going on like this. We have to tell someone. If anyone, it should be Heather. She would understand the best.”

Hiccup’s eyes never left the road, but she could see how fiercely he held the steering wheel. “I…” He began. “I understand.”

“I think you’ll feel better.”

“Will you?”

She pursed her lips. “Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll call her when we get home, and invite her over.”

Astrid nodded, tension leaving her shoulders.

—

True to his word, as soon as Hiccup pulled into the garage, he took out his phone and called Heather.

“Hey Hiccup,” she responded on the other end of the line.

“Hey Heather…” He hesitated.

“Is something wrong?”

“Um…sort of. Are you busy tonight?”

“Tonight, no. I get out of work in an hour. Why?”

“I was just wondering…if you would be willing to come over? Astrid and I want to talk to you about something. It’s…about Scott.”

Heather was silent.

Astrid leaned in close to listen.  

Finally she responded. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that too. I’ll come over after work. See you then.”

Hiccup released a sigh. “Okay, see you then.”

He hung up the phone and sat in his chair for a moment, unwilling to move. “It begins.”

“Yeah.”

“Astrid.”

“Hiccup?”

“I love you, always.”

“As do I.” She smiled back in return.

The duo walked inside, to see Valka working on dinner. “Hello my darling children!” She responded with mirth.

“Hi mom,” they responded in unison.

“I’m making spaghetti for dinner. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” smiled Hiccup. “Um, Heather is coming over in like an hour. So, can you make a little extra?”

“Of course! Anyone is welcome at our table. Any particular reason for the visit?”

Hiccup looked away. “I just thought it would be a nice gesture.”

Valka, as a mother, knew immediately when her son was lying. But for once, she decided not to push it. “It’s nice of you. She must be lonely.”

“Yeah…” added Astrid. “Lonely…”

The kids withdrew to Hiccup’s room, to plan what they were going to say when Heather arrived.

All the while, Valka speculated.

—

An hour later, Stoick returned home from work. A few minutes after that, Heather arrived, all full of smiles. Truth be told, when Hiccup invited her over, she was ecstatic to come. There was never a warmer house then the Haddocks. Hiccup and Astrid greeted her with hugs. While Hiccup held her, he whispered. “We’ll talk after dinner.”

She nodded against him.

Valka’s spaghetti was…interesting, to say the least. Astrid had gotten used to the woman’s cooking. Not to say it was bad, it was better than her own mother’s…but it was always…interesting. She always tried to improve on something, as the case this evening when she added cinnamon to the sauce.

Heather ate it without complaint, just thankful to be eating with company.

Hiccup, despite being hungry as he always was, just pushed a meatball around on his plate. What was the point if he was just going to throw it up later?

“Why Hiccup, is something wrong? You’ve barely touched your food.” Valka asked, motherly concern radiating from her. “Yeah Hiccup,” Scott spoke from the empty seat at the end of the table. “Is there something wrong?”

Hiccup glanced up from his plate to make eye contact with the apparition. This had been happening for about a week now, and Hiccup was close to his breaking point. Yet, he would not respond to the ghost, since it was only an illusion of his own sleep deprived mind. He only glared at it.

“I’m fine, just not very hungry.” He responded to his mother, politely.

“You haven’t been hungry for a while now. Are you feeling well?”

Scott spoke again, “I’m kind of hungry, not very thirsty though. I’ve got all the water I could ever want.”

“It must be a bug,” Hiccup answered, interrupting. He hadn’t mentioned these ghastly visits to Astrid, or anyone for that matter.

“Must be nice,” Scott went on. “Being warm, and eating. Speaking. Having a nice family…and here you are, eating diner with my wife and my girlfriend. You just won’t be content until you take everything from me, will you?”

“They weren’t yours to begin with…” Hiccup muttered under his breath.

“Did you say something?” Asked Astrid.

“Uh, no, just making a mental note to myself.” “Gotcha.”

Scott called out, getting his attention. “Do you want me to leave? Am I bothering you?”

Hiccup didn’t respond.

Another conversation was happening between his parents and Heather, but Hiccup was just trying to tune all sounds out. But it was Scott’s grating voice that pierced through everything.

“Oh go on Hiccup, go ahead and tell everyone what’s bothering you. After all, you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about. Right? Right?”

If looks could kill. Hiccup glared down the table at the beast that tormented his awaking life. He nearly bit his own tongue in frustration.

“I know what you’re thinking. Rational thought is trying it’s best to take over and get me to leave. How dare I bother you after all I did? Pretty hypocritical, huh? Because of course, I didn’t feel bad about cheating on Heather with Astrid. I didn’t feel bad about attacking you in the dead of night. So why should you feel bad about dumping my body in the lake? Is it that you feel so impure, Mr. High and Mighty? You feel like you have crashed down to earth from your lofty place of perfection?”

“I’m far from perfect.” Hiccup thought to himself.

This thought made Scott go silent, and when Hiccup raised his tired eyes from his cold spaghetti, the ghost was gone.

Hiccup breathed a sigh of relief.

—

After dinner, Hiccup, Astrid and Heather retired to the basement. All was quiet as Hiccup made sure the door was closed and that Stoick and Valka were engrossed in a Christmas movie upstairs.

When Hiccup finally came and sat on the couch next to Astrid, Heather could see the mounting pressure in his shoulders. He simply swallowed and rubbed his legs in a nervous tick.

“So…” Heather began. “About Scott…”

“Yeah,” added Astrid.

“Before you say what you have to say, I…wanted to talk to you guys about something that’s been bothering me.”

“O-Oh?”

“Yeah…the police said it was a suicide…but I know Scott. He…” She hummed in thought, and took out her phone. “He sent me a message the day he went missing, it said, ‘Heather i know you’ll probably never forgive me and i understand. Just wanted you to know that im sorry for being the worst. ill be out of your way soon.’”

Hiccup and Astrid just listened.

“The thing is…Scott and I weren’t on friendly terms at the time. We were both extremely mad at each other. And he’s the kind of person to hold onto a grudge. He was…arrogant. He wouldn’t apologize…and he wouldn’t commit suicide.” She shook her head. “It just…I think…it might have been foul play.” She sighed. “I mean, I don’t have any evidence to support it, but he and David did piss off a lot of people. But it just feels…off. You know?”

Hiccup and Astrid looked at each other, before nodding.

“Back in November,” Hiccup began. “After Astrid’s father passed away, I invited her to come with me to Africa, and offered her the basement suite so she could save her rent money.”

Heather crossed her legs. “I remember.”

“So,” Astrid continued. “We went to my house and began packing up my stuff…and Scott showed up.”

A clear dread came over Heather’s face as the situation dawned on her.

Hiccup continued, “I was sitting in the kitchen, taking a break, when Scott spotted me and attacked me. And…we fought. Astrid tackled him and got him off of me, but then I tackled him back. It was all kind of a blur.”

When he hesitated, Astrid continued. “Scott had tried to strangle me, and then went in to strangle Hiccup. I heard him shout, ‘I hate you’ and that he was going to kill him. So I grabbed a skillet and hit him in the head to knock him out.” She rubbed her arm uncomfortably, and closed her eyes in shame. “Only afterwards, there was a bunch of blood coming from his head and he…I killed him.”

Heather was wide-eyed and slack-jawed. But didn’t say anything else. Hiccup took over, “since his dad is a judge, I…I convinced Astrid not to call the police and I went and hid the body.”

“Where?” Heather voiced.

“I took Eret’s boat out on the lake, and dumped him way out there.”

Heather leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees while her folded hands covered her mouth.

“I’m sorry we dropped this on you,” Hiccup said, “I just thought…we thought you should know.”

“Thank you.” She said finally. “I know it was an accident, but…I honestly thought that Scott dying was the only way I was going to get peace from him.”

“Was it that bad?” Hiccup asked with a cringe.

“He was calling me at home and work with threatening messages. He messaged my friends and family to turn them against me…it was just a nightmare. So…thank you. Thank you so much.” She dissolved into tears.

Hiccup and Astrid both came around her and hugged her tightly.

“And it sounds so horrible to be thanking you for something like that, but I never thought I’d have peace of mind ever again!” She wiped her cheeks. “And his life insurance policy was still awarded to me…it wasn’t much, but I paid off our mortgage, and that’s something I don’t have to worry about anymore…” She shook her head, sniffling. “I feel like the maiden trapped in the tower and you two are the knights that slew the dragon keeping me hostage.” She broke out of their hug, her head clearing. “But I still don’t understand why you felt the need to hide the body.”

“Soren Jorgenson is a very powerful man.”

“Right, but the penalty for hiding the body is higher than manslaughter.”

“It is?”

“Yeah…” she thought, “I’d have to look it up, but I think it’s around five years. It’s one of those things I vaguely remember from my criminal justice course.”

Hiccup blanched, a frown coming over his face.

“Well, I won’t tell anyone.” Heather assured, collecting herself. “This was an accident. And I know you. Both of you are kind and gentle spirits that want nothing but the best for mankind. But if I may…Hiccup, I still think you should tell your dad. If just for closure.”

Hiccup was quiet, thinking.

“Are you sure you’re…okay with this?” Astrid prodded.

“I don’t know…” Heather shrugged with a mirthless laugh. “I think I’m in shock!” She shook her head. “You two covered up a murder, but of a truly evil man. I just…who am I to judge? I won’t say anything, since this…isn’t my problem anymore.” That final sentence was said with freedom, and peace. “He’s gone.”

“Bitch, I might be.” Scott spoke from the corner of the room. “And you’re happy about it? Your husband died, bitch. Maybe if Astrid hadn’t killed me first, you would have, huh?”

Hiccup frowned heavily in his direction, full of contempt.  

“What? I’m just saying what you’re thinking, Hiccup.” He smirked, “because, as you often remind yourself, I’m just a figment of your imagination.”

Astrid took a deep breath, and managed to smile. “I feel…relieved.” She told Heather, honestly. “It feels good to talk about it, and let it out. You know? And knowing that you…don’t hate us…it’s just…nice.”

“But you don’t feel any better, do you Hiccup?” Scott was sitting on the coffee table in front of him. “This didn’t help at all, did it?”

Hiccup closed his eyes and rubbed a hand down his face in exhaustion. Scott’s voice just seemed to suck the life out of him. He peered over to Astrid and Heather who were now talking animatedly, with smiles on their faces. The bags under Astrid’s eyes seemed to stick out to him. If this talk made her feel better, then it was all worth it.

—

It had been two days since Hiccup got any concrete sleep, and tonight was no exception. At around 4 am, he stood in the kitchen waiting for Toothless to finish a steak.

In the dim light, the only sound was the quiet smacking of Toothless’ jaws and the quiet hum of the refrigerator. Hiccup leaned against the counter, the cold granite chilling his arms. Outside, the world looked like a snow globe, and all was calm.

But within Hiccup, the guilt continued to swirl like an endless sea.

“I don’t know how much more of this I can take, bud.”

“You don’t know how much more you can take? You don’t even know!” A sickly voice came from behind him.

“Oh, would you just give it a rest?” Hiccup responded, not bothering to turn around.

“I can’t sleep, Cousin. The current just keeps spinning and spinning me. I’m so tired…”

Hiccup glanced back only to gasp in horror.

The ghost behind him appeared as a bloated, rotting corpse. Bones exposed were the flesh had been torn by fish and sharp rocks. As he spoke, filthy black water dripped from his mouth and eyes and pooled on the floor.

Hiccup backed up against the counter, wanting to run, but frozen in place.

“How could you do this to me? To your own family? What about my mother? Does she know my restless spirit is trapped in the lake? Does she know I never found peace?”

“Stop. You’re not here.” Hiccup clenched his eyes shut. “This isn’t real.”

“I died before my time, Hiccup. I still had so much to live for…I still could have turned my life around.”

“It’s just an illusion.” He whispered.

Liquid touched his bare feet and his eyes shot open, only to see the floor covered in the inky water that still poured from Scott. Hiccup hopped up to the counter, only for the fluid to pull him back down like tar.

“Don’t fight it, Hiccup. This is your guilt, and there’s no way to escape it.”

“Leave me alone!” He shouted.

The liquid bubbled up, crawling up his legs.

“I will forever be your companion, tormenting your dreams and filling every hour of your day.” The apparition stepped closer, easily wading through the gunk that flooded the room. The appearance wasn’t like Scott anymore, and the voice sounded different, but still familiar. “You’ll never be free.”

“Shut up! Leave me alone!” He was now screaming, blind to the rest of the world.

“I’ll never leave you alone.” The ghost said, grabbing his face tenderly. The black liquid dripped out of it’s eye socket to reveal familiar steely green eyes. “Because I am you.”

Hiccup went to scream, but the bony hand closed around his throat. Only strangled noises escaped. He cried for help.

“I’m everything that you hate about yourself. I’m the evil within you. The sin that overwhelms you in your weakest moments.”

Hiccup clawed at the hand holding him, tears leaking from his eyes. “Let…me go…”

“As long as you hold this secret, you will drown.”

Distantly, he heard his father cry out for him. “Hiccup?! What’s wrong?!”

“What will it be? Jail?”

“Hiccup! Say something!” Astrid called.

“Or death?”

Hiccup took a shuttering breath, breaking through the horrors of his own mind. “I killed him! I killed Scott!”

Everything that had been haunting him disappeared, and he stood in the kitchen again, his legs trembling and his body drenched in sweat. His family surrounded him.

“What did you say?”

[khandri]

Annual year-end meme thing.

Under the cut for length.

1. What did you do in 2017 that you’d never done before? Not very much. 2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? An attempt was made to buy less yarn, finish my unfinished projects, offload unwanted yarn, and use up what I already had, but only the second to last of those happened. 3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No one that I know of. 4. Did anyone close to you die? If there was anyone, I haven't heard about it. 5. What countries did you visit? I didn't go anywhere this year. Hell, I barely left the STATE this year. 6. What would you like to have in 2018 that you lacked in 2017? I wouldn't mind having a proper relationship again, but I don't foresee that happening. 7. What date from 2017 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? There really wasn't anything from this year that sticks out for me. 8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Aside from FINALLY FUCKING GETTING A JOB? I at least had my most productive year of knitting I've ever had. And other than that? Just getting through this shitstorm of a year. 9. What was your biggest failure? I don't know if I'd really call it a failure per se, but I spent much of this year in a pit of depression and lethargy. 10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Along with the above, I'm still dealing with chronic migraines (which were finally diagnosed as such earlier this year and I finally got proper medication for them, and I'd eventually determined that the ADD medication I no longer take was causing most of them, although they still happen now), and my job has often left me with sore ankles from being on my feet all day. 11. What was the best thing you bought? Hell if I know, since I really didn't do much of anything interesting. 12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I recently reconnected on Twitter with an old fandom friend who I once had a falling out with and hadn't talked to in close to 15 years, and things are going well there. Additionally, all the people who have continued to stick by me and support me when I'm at my lowest points. 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? If you've paid attention to the news AT ALL this year, I think this would be obvious. Additionally, just anyone who showed themselves to be raging assholes to me. 14. Where did most of your money go? Yarn. Clothing. And Legacy Wars. FUCKING Legacy Wars. >_< 15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Not much of anything. 16. What song will always remind you of 2017? It's not even from 2017, but Into the Sky from Gundam Unicorn Re:0096. I don't know why. I just got really hooked on this song this year. Probably because Toonami was showing it earlier this year. 17. Compared to this time last year, are you: i. happier or sadder? You'd think finally working again would've made me happier, but I'm really not. Everything in the world is just so depressing. ii. thinner or fatter? I don't know. I've not been working out, and my eating habits this year have been horrible, but work at least has me moving around. iii. richer or poorer? Even with work, I'm not making a whole lot (plus it didn't start until the end of September), so I think you know the answer to this. 18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Eating better, being more proactive on various things. 19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Procrastinating, being depressed (though that's hard to do much about). 20. How will you be spending Christmas? Not much of anything as usual. It was too cold for anything anyway (and still is). 22. Did you fall in love in 2017? Nothing new compared to the past few years... 23. How many one-night stands? I hate this question. 24. What was your favorite TV program? I watched a whole lot of Star Trek this year, because goodness knows I needed to watch something about a more hopeful future with the way the world is right now. 25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Just people who don't really mean anything. 26. What was the best book you read? I don't think I really read anything this year either. 27. What was your greatest musical discovery? The soundtrack for the new Power Rangers movie was pretty impressive. I've also recently gotten into these new age-y "binaural beats" pieces that are all over YouTube. They're really good for relaxing at night and falling asleep. 28. What did you want and get? A job. FINALLY. 29. What did you want and not get? Redemption after the crap I went through in 2016. The chance to see certain friends again (though that's coming in March). 30. What was your favorite film of this year? Power Rangers, which I went to see in the theater five times. I also really enjoyed Wonder Woman and Star Wars. 31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 37, and I didn't do much because this year was so terrible. 32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having people in charge of this country who weren't such malicious idiots. 33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? Nothing special. 34. What kept you sane? Knitting. The cats. Star Trek. The friends who didn't abandon me. 35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Same as always. 36. What political issue stirred you the most? *gestures at fucking everything in the news for the past year* 37. Who did you miss? The usual. 38. Who was the best new person you met? I really didn't meet anyone new. 39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2017. The world sucks. Fuck the world. 40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. "Burn it. Burn it all..." (Wildfire by Sonata Arctica) (Just going to reuse last year's because it fits.)